#too pretty to have gone as unfucked as long as I have

[veilfemme]

Constantly struggling with wanting to be the intelligent working girl I am. And wanting to be a lesbian’s little free use housewife that’s a fucked out leaking mess all day. It’s not fair 🥺

[msmk11]

Too Far Gone, Don’t Send Help

Part 1

Sirius Black x gn!reader

Word count: 2.5k

CW: Cursing, mention of broken bones

Summary: Multi-part fic of reader pining after Sirius Black and remaining stuck in the friend zone

A/n: Hey everyone! This is a new little fic I decided to start writing because I needed an outlet for my own, unfortunate situation of unrequited pining. I guarantee you that most of my content for this fic will be loosely based on my own experiences. That being said, I have not and likely will not experience resolution to my own unrequited feelings so who knows how this fic will end! Would love feedback or suggestions as I write! Hope you enjoy the first chapter :)

It was safe to say that you were completely and totally fucked. Though you’re not sure if you were ever…. unfucked?

So here’s the deal. You have had a MASSIVE crush on Sirius Black for just about a year now, and you barely know him.

Pathetic, right?

What makes it worse is that Sirius knows. Or, well, at least, knew. After one of your silly little friends had let slip about your crush at a Gryffindor party, one the very same Sirius Black was attending, he had acted sort of weird around you for a few weeks.

In the hallways he’d send you winks, across the lawn he’d shout hellos, and in class he’d pass you notes. But that little bout of attention was merely temporary. Within the month, Sirius seemed to have forgotten you entirely, and you were back to not existing in his world.

So when you find out that Sirius Black has joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team as a beater, the same team for which you play as a chaser, your stomach is filled with dread. You guess it’s no surprise that he joined, now that his best friend James Potter is captain. Still, you were hoping Potter would have picked literally anyone else to fulfill the position.

Just your luck.

Though anxiety claws at your stomach before the first practice of the season, you decide to act as normal as possible. For all you know, Sirius has totally forgotten about your little crush from last year- the one you still have, actually- but he doesn’t need to know that.

As the team gathers on the pitch for practice, you notice the typical start-of-the-year tension and awkwardness radiating from newbie players. Black, of course, is the exception as he casually stands with the fanciest broom and jokes with James about Merlin knows what.

You curse yourself internally that your body can’t help but react to how bloody good Sirius looks in his training clothes. The loose muscle tee that hangs off his body shows his deliciously muscled arms that just so happen to be covered in ink. His long black hair is pulled back into a casual bun with small pieces that seem to unintentionally frame his handsome face perfectly. You admire the glint in his gray eyes as he laughs animatedly and you wish you were the cause.

Knowing that Sirius was going to be at practices now, you intentionally avoid getting to the quidditch pitch until the last possible second. Still, Potter is automatically on your ass.

“Oi, glad you finally decided to join us,” he says mockingly.

You scoff and roll your eyes, “okay, so, no. We’re not gonna be doing that actually, this whole ‘telling me what to do thing’. Especially not when I’ve been your equal for years, Potter. Maybe even better.”

He huffs out a laugh, “if you were better, why am I captain then?”

“Cause I told McGonagall no,” you answer with a smirk.

His jaw drops and you start laughing. “So we good, pretty boy?”

The brunette rolls his eyes playfully at you and holds his hands up in surrender, “fine, fine, whatever. Let’s start practice. Three laps around the pitch everyone.”

While everyone else groans, you simply tug off your t-shirt, leaving you in a black tank and black Nike shorts. You look over to Marlene who is retying her laces slowly.

“Come on Marls,” you tsk, “the longer you put it off the more you have to dread it. Let’s just go do it.”

The blonde looks up at you and whines, “ugh, fine. Remind me again why you keep letting me come back to play. I hate running.”

“Cause you love being a chaser with me?”

“Ehhhhh…”

“Cause it makes you look bloody hot for your darling girlfriend.”

“Ah, right,” she says, her face lighting up. “That’s it. Race ya?”

“You’re on, McKinnon.”

The two of us tear off down the field at a fast pace, zooming past many of the other team members who, smartly, are doing a light jog. As we pass Sirius and James, who are running side by side, you hear Potter call out, “that’s right, kick their ass, McKinnon.”

Too focused to snark back, you simply flip him off and keep running as he cackles.

For you, running is a long game. So while Marlene is certainly beating you right now, you know that, ultimately, she will lose. Though you’re still running fast, you’ve decided to save some of your energy for the end of the race. When Marlene starts to tire out, you’ll still have stamina and end up passing her.

True to your goal, two and a half laps later Marlene has begun to significantly slow down. As she huffs and sort of holds her side, you gain speed and pass her. A burst of adrenaline shoots through you as you reach the finish line and cheer.

“Ah ha! Yes! I won!”

Marlene merely groans through pants and collapses onto the grass. “Merlin, I’m out of shape. I think I’m dying.”

You drop to your knees dramatically, “no, Marls, please, don’t die on me. I can’t survive this without you.”

Your other teammates who have begun to join you as they finish their three laps chuckle at your dramatics.

“If you die, I must die with you.” You then imitate stabbing yourself in the heart and collapse to the ground.

As you play dead with your eyes closed, you notice a shift in light behind your eyelids. You open them and squint up. Of course, no one other than Sirius Black is hovering over you.

“My, James never told me we had quite the actor on our team.”

Your heart starts beating faster and you flush a little, realizing you totally just acted a fool in front of your crush. “Yeah, well, everyone has their secrets,” you say softly.

“Such a disgrace to hide your talent from the world,” he answers dramatically.

You smirk a little and roll your eyes at the raven-haired boy, “Yeah well….” You stand up and brush yourself off before placing your hands on your hips and give him an awkward smile.

“So, a beater, huh? I didn’t pin you as the type to play Quidditch.”

“I don’t really, besides for fun. But James needed another player, and I have a lot of anger so….”

You shrug your shoulders, “fair enough.”

James interrupts your conversation, thank god, by announcing that you all are now going to run drills. He decides he wants to catch the new players up so he has Fabian Prewett, the seasoned beater, work with Sirius, Marlene work with the new keeper, some 5th year brunette girl you can’t quite remember the name of, and you with the seeker, a 4th year boy with bright blonde hair and wide eyes named Jackson Creevey.

“Okay Creevey. So we’re gonna work on your maneuvering first. Instead of releasing a snitch, I’m going to pretend to be it. I’ll zoom all around and I wanna see how quickly you adapt to wild turns, dives, etc. James will be watching and is going to give you tips. You ready?”

The eager blonde boy nods and mounts his broom. You both raise high in the air and face each other. “Okay, I get a five second head start. After that, try to tag me.”

With that you zoom off towards the goals on the left as fast as you can, anticipating the boy following you. Surprisingly, Jackson is bloody fast, but also a little more unstable on his broom. You pause as he rushes towards you and then at the last second fly vertically upward and flip around in the other direction. He zooms past where you would have been and has to slow down before turning around to follow. You zigzag across the sky, looping around the stands into the clouds and beneath the rafters below. As he gains on you under the rafters, you dart upwards back onto the field. This time, though, he anticipates it, and remains close behind.

“Good,” James shouts, “keep anticipating their moves.”

As you feign to turn left, you actually turn right and slip out of his close grasp.

Reveling in your victory of outsmarting him, what you don’t see is the bludger heading your way. Just as you hear the yell of “look out,” the ball slams into your shoulder and sends you off balance. You cry out in pain as you hear a crack and wobble on your broom. Luckily you are able to keep enough control to land safely before rolling off. A string of curses leave your mouth as you clutch your arm and writhe in pain on the ground.

“Oh fuck!” James hops off his broom and runs over to you. He kneels down in the grass and looks at your face.

“Hey, hey, are you okay?”

With tears stinging in your eyes you shout, “obviously not! I think my arm is broken!”

“Shit,” he mumbles under his breath. “Okay, let’s take you to the hospital wing. I’m going to help you up, okay?”

You grit your teeth, “my legs aren’t broken I-“

“Just let me help you- please” He begs pleadingly.

“Fine, fine okay.”

Supporting your back and using your other arm, he carefully lifts you to your feet. “Sirius, you grab her broom and meet me in the hospital wing. Everyone else, practice is dismissed.”

You ignore everyone’s concerned faces as you walk towards the castle with James. As much as you hate to admit it, tears are streaming down your face from the pain.

“What the fuck happened?” You mumble.

“I’m not sure, I was watching you and Creevey. But I think Sirius hit a rogue bludger and it slammed into you.”

You want to be mad at Black and curse his name, but between your feelings for him and the fact that you know it’s not his fault, you instead huff and say, “well tell him that he should save his hits for the rival teams, yeah?”

The bespectacled boy beside you lets out a quiet laugh and nods. “I really am sorry by the way. I can’t help but feel it’s my fault you got injured. I mean, it’s my first practice of the season as captain and someone already got hurt.”

At this point we’ve arrived at the castle and James rushes ahead to open the doors for you. You give him a small, watery smile and walk inside. As he trails after you you say, “look, you have nothing to be sorry for James. It’s not your fault. Accidents happen in quidditch all the time. It’s part of the game, I know the risks. I should have just been more careful. And anyways, it’s not like I’ve died, yeah? Just some broken bones. Madame Pomfrey will have me good as new by the end of the weekend.”

He sighs and rubs his face tiredly, “I know, I know, you’re right. I just want to do well.”

I stop and look into his hazel eyes very seriously, “James, you’re going to do amazing as captain. Though I might be a better chaser than you,” I smirk, “I’ve never met anyone more dedicated and passionate. You’re not just a great quidditch player, you’re a great leader.”

He smiles softly, “thanks.”

“What are friends for?”

*****

Once you and Potter had finally arrived to the hospital wing, you were promptly rushed to a bed by Madame Pomfrey as she mumbled about how dangerous quidditch was under her breath. As she looked your arm over she confirmed what you thought- broken bones. Though with the flick of a wand your bones were mended, she still ordered you a night’s rest in the hospital wing so that she could keep an eye on you in case anything went wrong. The pill she gave you to help with the residual pain quickly put you off into a deep sleep.

When you awake it is clear a lot of time has passed. It’s now dark outside and the room is quiet besides the soft snores of someone beside you. You squint at the figure sleeping in the hard chair next to your bed and realize it to be…Sirius.

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise and you inhale sharply through your nose. It seems this startles him as he jolts awake and gasps a little.

“Oh, hi, you’re awake,” He declares softly, looking at you.

“What…are you doing here?” You ask quietly.

“I just…wanted to check on you.”

Your heart quickens at his seeming concern. “Black, I’m fine, really. My arm is all good to go, I’m just staying overnight cause Pomfrey wants to keep an eye on me.”

He scratches his head awkwardly, “oh, right. Well….I also just, wanted to apologize. It’s entirely my fault that you’re here. If only I’d been more careful…”

You smile a little at his anxious stuttering and thank the gods that he can’t see the heat flushing to your face over his cuteness. “Black, honestly, you’re fine. Shit happens, it’s part of the game. And if you really wanna repay me, help win us some games hmmm?”

He lets out a huff and slumps backwards in his seat, now more relaxed. “Yeah, course. Gryffindor is gonna bring home the cup again this year.”

“Well duh, how could we lose?”

“If our star player has a broken arm?” He teases lightly. “Don’t tell James I said that. He’d be offended.”

You roll your eyes and smirk, “of course not, gotta protect his fragile ego.”

Sirius lets out a loud laugh and you beam, though quickly shush him.

“Be quiet! Pomfrey will kill you for keeping me from my ‘much needed rest’.”

“Nah she won’t. Poppy loveeees me.”

You quirk an eyebrow in disbelief, “yeah, uh-huh, sure. All those gray hairs that have popped up on her head since you’ve been here really prove that.”

“Uhm, actually, that’s called aging,” the boy corrects you dramatically. “I am an angel.”

You snort loudly and cover your giggles behind your hand. Though you hear Sirius scoff in offense, you can faintly make out the smile playing at his soft lips.

“Okay Black, whatever you say.”

He hums softly and silence falls over us for a few minutes. Your mind is racing, feeling the need to say something, anything.

“Uh, you know you don’t have to stay. I’m fine, you know. You can go get some sleep.”

Okay, yes, send him away. Great idea, dumbass.

“No can do. It is my duty to stay here with you until you’re out of the hospital. I won’t feel right otherwise. You can go back to sleep though, I’ll just sit right here.”

“Nah that’s okay,” you say, “I’m not really tired after I just took the longest nap of my life.”

“Right, well, wanna play a game?”

You raise an eyebrow at him, “what sort of game?”

“Twenty questions?”

“Alright, but I ask you questions first.”

[holodexmachina]

Listen. I wrote a thing.

Part of me still can't believe I've done this, but, okay, here we go: I wrote some Star Trek fanfic! And while posting fanfic is a pretty banal activity in tumblrland, it was kind of A Whole Thing for me. I’ve never written fanfic before! I haven’t even written fiction of any sort since, good lord, my sophomore creative writing class, which was *checks watch* twenty years ago. And it’s been way too long since I wrote anything just for fun. So it’s been kind of a wild practice, and now it’s out there, and I want to tell you about it.

The fic is called “A Woman of Your Century,” and it is a rewrite of the Star Trek: The Original Series episode “Space Seed,” but imagines Khan as a woman. [You don’t need to have seen the episode to get the story, but here’s a quick synopsis: the Enterprise encounters a ship full of sleeping humans and wakes one—Khan Noonien-Singh, played by Ricardo Montalban. The crew soon realizes that Khan is an “augment”—one of a group of genetically engineered superhuman despots who took over Earth in the 1990s, causing the disastrous Eugenics Wars. Khan tries to take over the Enterprise so that he can conquer the galaxy. Khan nearly kills Kirk; fist fights ensue; Khan loses, and Kirk ditches the augments on an abandoned planet (thus setting the scene for Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan twenty years later).] 

“Space Seed” is my favorite Trek episode, hands down. Khan is a pretty interesting villain—ruthless, narcissistic, ambitious—and the augment storyline has always been incredibly compelling to me, especially as it gets picked up and developed further in several other series. That said, the episode isn’t without its flaws; like many TOS episodes, the premise didn’t need to be thought through any more than was required of its 50 minutes, and later attempts to explain the augments’ history tended to introduce more questions and canonical conflicts. And then there’s the squick-inducing relationship between Khan and the ship’s historian, Marla McGivers—a relationship that provides plot devices, but has a deeply fucked dynamic. I mean, he negs her over her hair, and she decides, yeah, I’d engineer a mutiny for this man. You can tell the writers really respected women. 

Then a friend said: could you imagine how this story would have gone if Khan had been a woman?

Oh. Oh—

Yes. Yes, I can imagine that. 

I started thinking about what would change if Khan were a woman. How would the crew of the Enterprise react to such a powerful female villain? How would it unfuck Marla’s interactions (or not)? What kind of rivalry would develop between Kirk and Khan? TOS doesn’t skip female villainy, but does tend to keep it squarely in the realm of “seductress acting on behalf of a male.” The limitations of midcentury masculinity make it hard to imagine Kirk seeing a woman as a true threat—as a mind on par with his own (let alone far beyond it). 

Thinking through the gender-bent implications also led me to considering the story from Khan’s point of view. It’s a tricky balance—Khan is a genocidal sociopath with the blood of millions on his hands. Let’s not defend that, maybe! At the same time, there’s a reason the best villains are humanized: we need to be able to see ourselves in the monstrous, and the monstrous in ourselves. Cartoon evil is boring and unrealistic. But finding ways to create sympathy for a villain—without condoning them!—is very interesting. 

Rewriting “Space Seed” let me not only explore material I adored, not only fill in minor plot holes, not only build out augment backstory—it also let me highlight the current of sexism and misogyny that has always been part of Trek, and blow it up real good. Marla’s treatment in the original—and the crew’s reverence for Khan’s aggression—both speak volumes about gender attitudes in the 1960s (and, uh, beyond). But swapping genders—Khan for Khana and Marla for Marlow—forces (I hope) a reexamination of character, of narrative, of values. Which is what science fiction is for, after all.

Also: it was just fucking fun to do. Which makes me wonder if I should…write more fic? (I’m open to ideas! What should I try next?) Either way: thanks, friends, and happy reading!

[lya-dustin]

Cupid kills with arrows

Chapter 5

Cw: refrences to sex

Gif by @merlinaddams

He is a gentleman; he helps her into the carriage ---a monstrous thing that feels like a pretty cell unlike the simpler wooden ones in Driftmark--- sits with her and even relaxes enough to remove his eye patch.

They could have simply taken their dragons and be there in the time it took them to leave the city.

But Silverwing had gone off on her own accord to seek her mate and had not deigned to leave Dragonstone since Aemma arrived in Kingslanding two days ago.

Aemond had not offered to take her on Vhagar and she was glad not have to share a saddle with him.

She sits still, occasionally looking out the lattice windows to fight the urge to look at the man sitting a foot away from her.

Some read or take up needlework on long carriage rides, but Aemma gets sick if she looks down for too long and she is not in the mood to talk to Aemond.

Same Aemond who pretends he is interested in the Myrish novel he is reading--- one the Faith has been wanting to burn for its depiction of hell and heaven--- even if he has not moved from his page since they changed horses at the last post.

“I have never known you to be so silent.” He speaks, a quiet observation he makes as he tries to hold her hand on the seat between them.

Looks at her hoping she might give into her better nature and be nice, but she’s not feeling nice today.

“Unless the next words you utter are an apology, I do not wish to speak to you.” She tries to get her hand away from his but decides against it at the last second.

A subtle gesture to let him know not to fuck it up.

He looks at her, she can see it from the corner of his eye, thinks about saying something witty.

“I had no intention of letting you leave that bed unfucked, ābrazȳrys.” He was a man of few words, and yet he was fond of riling people up with them.

He was never this casual in childhood, little Aemond had been born with a stick up his arse and a penchant for thinking himself superior to everyone else because he was a boy and more learned than Aegon.

“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, dear husband?” While Aemma was fine with such crass language ---mother never stopped them from using them if they felt the occasion merited such foul word--- she did not want Aemond to think he she was left shocked at his words.

“You didn’t mind my mouth last night.” He points out with a smirk, and she scoffs.

He had been good with his wicked mouth and even more wicked tongue. They had a great start, if only it had not ended when he stopped sucking her teats as if he had never been weaned.

“I am sorry for overdrinking knowing it could affect my …performance last night.” He amends as he gets the courage to hold her hand again but doesn’t add that ‘it won’t happen again’ she needs to hear.

There was also the little fact that she had been sitting by him for the entire feast and knew he had not drunk as much as he claims he did.

And while she would be much more empathetic to his plight, they need an heir.

The next thing done after marrying is producing a child as soon as possible, particularly with a very particular set of organs.

Almost every Targaryen has produced one within ten moons of marriage and by the time her wedding dresses ---for she had two and a spare in case one was ruined--- had been done, Aemma had been told the best ways to ensure it is a boy.

She had been ordered to eat more meat, to fuck on odd nights, on all fours, facing north and on quarter moons.

She wondered what sort of unwanted advice Aemond got.

“And?” Aemma asked, turning to look at him, getting a good look at her equally young husband.

Likes him better without the eye patch, she thinks.

“And if it’s alright with you, I would like for us to take our time with this.” He is almost embarrassed about his words.

The princess was hoping, ‘we can remedy that now if you are game or tonight if you want to be proper’.

But whatever impediment he had must be related to his difficulty in making friends.

Even as a boy he had few friends, seeking her and Helaena out when he didn’t feel like being Aegon’s target especially when Jace and Luke were so eager for Aegon’s approbation.

But it could also be because he finds her undesirable.

“I will accept your apology and your terms if you answer one question for me.” She withheld her words because she needed to be assured of this.

“Go ahead.” He nods slightly and she tries not to back down in fear.

“Is the real reason behind last night my appearance?” she is deadly serious and there is no comfort in the way he is taken aback by it.

“It was the wine.” He said and she gave him a look.

“I drank more than you did, valzȳrys.”

Aemond hates how the word husband comes off sarcastically from her pretty mouth. Pretty mouth he is dying to kiss again.

Had he been able to do things unimpeded, Aemma would have been heard from the Wall to Dorne as she took the Seven in vain.

“What happened last night was not your fault, Aemee.” The one-eyed prince has no idea if he can do more than be vague about it.

Even Criston does not know, and the man is more his father than the man who impregnated his adolescent mother.

“I am not as good as a person as you are, Aemee, I would have let you get over the wall had I not found you to my liking.”

He knows there are better ways to assure his dear wife that she is beautiful, but he is not a romantic.

Helaena claims he recites poetry when he is drunk or high off the opium he smokes for the pain, but Aemond hates romance when he is sober.

It’s too sappy and flowery, and just has people look utterly ridiculous.

In fact, Aemond was glad he was marrying Aemma because he could avoid most of that.

“And you called me shallow, but I do forgive you. I only wish you could be honest with me.” Aemma knew him rather well despite the nearly seven years they spent apart.

“I will, eventually. If you can see through my lies this early, I doubt there will ever be secrets between us.” One day he can tell her what happened the night of his three and tenth nameday, but he does not want her pity just yet.

“Sounds like a good marriage to me.”

[curoopeez]

I'm watching fnaf through perfectly legal means, and I kinda want to liveblog it, but I also don't want to have to put a spoiler warning while doing it, so I'm just gonna talk under a readmore and put the whole thing in a single post

This is probably be the first blood already. I wonder if that's phone guy

Is it too early for someone to say it's bite of 87ing time and bite of 87 all over the place?

I wonder if they got actual children to draw the children's drawings

Holy shit an opening credits scene I haven't seen one of those since I took my dad to watch James Bond no time to die

Ooh that guy was reading a book on game theory I wonder if that's an easter egg to nod at MattPat

Oh that's Mike!

My mistake it's a book on Dream Theory. I think that was an easter egg too though, there was a theory that fnaf 4 was just a nightmare for a while

Well someone is in trouble

Ok the game Michael chased the job on purpose to hunt find his brother's soul, so this is already a pretty big departure from the source

I wonder if that Abby is gonna end up becoming puppet. It would be tragic, but better than the crying child

Is he trying to lucid dream?

Nope

I wonder if this Michael's dad is not gonna be the William Afton of the games

Wow this Jane is a massive bitch

Oh that Steve guy must be the new phone guy

Ngl I might have studied the games lore a little too intensely

Well that's omnious why was there a tape with his name on

Aw fuck the first jumpscare got me

No no no no get back to the room

This guy thinks he's Gregory to wander around and face the animatronics

There they are

Oh great it's still haunted haunted

Did that kid trip at the same time he did? Does this mean anything?

Matthew Patrick!!!!

HE SAID IT!

Oh what a traitor

Poor Doug free him he's trying very very hard to not do anything

Dude wake up you need to witness this

Oh the it's me in the mirror. And Foxy or whatever

Vanessa? What the heck is she doing here? Well as long as she stays away from bunnies ot should be fine

Vanessa tgat is not what you had just said but I'll forgive it because we're finally getting some animatronic action

Her lack of professionalism broke the animatronics. Freddy says if she's legally untouchable she's morally unfuckable

Wait if the place gets trashed out of his shift thats not his problem. Plus he had a witness of how things were when he left

Ok this deaths are pretty goofy but it's a pg13 movie so I guess they have to be

Chica and Bonnie were somehow so cunty when they looked at the camera after sending the cupcake like yas girlies

Wait I just remembered this is happening during the day. Are this animatronics opposite to the game? Peaceful at night and hostile during day?

Girl you went there to commit a crime don't follow the child

WhAs tHAt ThE BIte oF 87?!!!

Oh right Mike's family drama I almost forgot

Well at least it seems this Mike still likes cartoons

Is she... giving him a chance to speak? Maybe she's not as much of a cop as I thought

Oh so he was trying to repeat that dream

Maybe William was kidnapping kids to save the mom instead of the crying child (I forgot his name)

No do not take the child to the job you fool

Well the children are already possessing the animatronics so there must already be a Puppet

That fucking Baloon Boy again

No girl stop do not aproach animatronics

At least he understood it fast

Do not say that to a ghost you idiot

Awww this scene was cute.

Ooh the thick plotens

Abby is such a child "I've been talking with ghosts all this time, can I have some soup?"

Vanessa acts like she has genre awareness and she's trying really hard to keep it lighthearted

Shit don't tell me that's Circus Baby we do not need her in this story

Vanessa did it ever occur to you that people might do what you want if you just tell them whats going on

Idk who that pharmaceus farmastist doofrsmith doctor degree was but I'm pretty sure it was a cameo

You can't really say "they're gone" to a bunch of ghosts

Wow the ghosts are also a bunch of assholes

Did Abby stay in her room all day? She must be starving.

Oh no... look back Jane... oh well

Dude don't take an unnacompained child

Vanessa what are you doing here. This ain't cute anymore

Oh!

Dude stop rizzing up the exposition dump go do something

I wonder if we'll get beakless Chica. Just once. Just for me

No do not go in the ball pit it's not worth it

Springtrap!

Holy shit he's still alive inside the costume?

🥳officer down🥳

Oh this is a nice slow and painful death

I wonder if in the end we're gonna find out that Garret is Puppet. Unless that suit they tried to put Abby in was Puppet

[getting-quicker]

First Post

Been a long time tumblr. I was here once before but now I'm back seeing as this looks like THE place for a certain kink that's been taking over my life lately. This isn't a fetish or fantasy I've had for a long time but recently I've decided to take the deep dive into the no-going-back abyss and become a premature ejaculator.

I've got my reasons. Sad and pathetic as they are. I'll even open up on a confession. That being I'm a virgin. A 27 y/o loser who never made it with a lady, who never self-actualized and satisficed his pubescent desires beyond his own hand. And frankly? I don't want to anymore. It's not that I've become bitter about it (How could I? I never actually spoke to a woman outside of a school or work environment). It's more, I can see the writing on the walls. Some people will never walk, some people will never do calculus, and I'll never know intimacy with the fairer sex. Somewhere along the way, that thought became pretty hot.

Now recently this humble pervert has expanded his horizons. I've had other kinks. Started as a chubby chaser though we could say that EXPANDED into general weight gain. But now there's a new contender on the block. I started coming across prejac captions. Those were pretty fun, or I thought the humiliation aspect was. Then I started coming back to the hypnosis files and well, I guess I'm ready to commit.

Maybe those files were a bit too strong and I gone and got myself brainwashed. Oh well! Props to those who pulled it off because I've given in. Really. I've accepted I'll never lose my V-card and it's become such a sexy thought to think: What if I made it so I never would? What if I really made it so a shot of cleavage or a butt crack made me shoot one off like the beta loser I know I already am? Call me crazy, maybe I am, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Let me make a mess in my pants when I see a cute smile so I can just get on with my life! Yeah, I'm a loser, but I've still go things to do. Who has time for love for even to jack off these days? Well, maybe there's still time for latter.

I'm elsewhere on the internet doing other things. But I want to try my hand at a little blog here, see how it goes. I've scoured this whole prejac training. Maybe I only scratched the surface but I think there could be more content out there. So I'll do what I can. Let this be a blog for my journey, my fulfillment of destiny becoming a two pump chump or whatever you guys call it. Or maybe I'll write some little stories while I'm at it. There's a transformation fetish in my arsenal of degeneracy and I love the concept of guys losing their stamina, losing abs in favor of flabby guts, sporting a new chin and becoming beta losers all around.

So, yeah. Fuck it. I started out as a twig with hopes of finding a partner one day. But now I want to get fat and limp. I want to downgrade myself. I want to make myself unfuckable. But, hey. I'm in good spirits about it. Why wallow in sadness when you could have some fun? Currently I got a nice chubby belly going, what McDonald's does to a motherfucker. But now's the time to indulge on something else: The goal of becoming a pathetic prejac. We'll see how this goes. I've gained notoriety in other places and I've vanished on other hills. We'll see what becomes of this blog. Even if I just come here once in a while to have a schizo ramble about wanting to cum my pants because I accidently touched fingers with the pretty girl at the drive-thu. Whatever's fun and whatever helps me feel relief in this whacky world ready to pop. Like I said, it's been a long time. I don't exactly get tumblr completely but I'm sure it's worth a shot. From a loser on the edge, Cheers.

[imaslutforremusandsirius]

You always get what you want part 2

Have fun and be safe

Part one

Part three

Part four

Warnings: 18+ 

---

It had been nearly three weeks after the incident of Remus fucking you and plugging your pussy with his cum. He did his best to act nonchalant, as if nothing happend, but you knew better. Remus wouldn‘t stop staring at you and Sirius whenever the both of you made out. Little did he know that you were doing it on purpose, that Sirius already knew about what happend. You had told him immediately and never had Sirius been so enthusiastic to eat you out.

„Fuck this might be my only chance to taste Moonys cum, please.“ Sirius was downright filthy after he got a taste, licking and sucking until there was nothing left. He even came untouched, the idea that his best mate had fucked his girl full, already made him cum like a bitch in heat.

Tonight, you and Sirius would break him. Make him fall apart and piece him back together. You wouldn‘t stop until he was a sobbing mess underneath you.

---

Sirius kissed you deeper, hands squeezing your ass as you sat in his lap, pulling his long hair free of the messy bun. You were sitting on Remus‘ bed, just as he had told you that you should, if you wanted a second time. Well, now he had you both to play with.

Remus walked through the door and was confronted with the sight of you and Sirius furiously making out on his bed. Sirius had your ass spread, showing only thin, lacey underwear, but he could faintly make out the lines of your pussy lips leaking against the fabric. Still looking he saw Sirius‘ boner in his tight jeans and nearly came then and there. You turned your head to look at him, cheeks flushed with pleasure and beckoned him towards you. His legs seemed to have a mind of their own as he stumbled in your direction, watching as Sirius‘ sucked and licked at your throat.

„You said that you would fuck me if I sat on your bed again. Now Sirius is as well.“

Sirius didn‘t stop sucking, only peered up at Remus through his thick black lashes and grinned. Remus gulped, hands fisting at his side to stop himself from touching his best friend.

„We want to fuck you Remus. Do you want that as well?“, Sirius drawled lowly, blinking his grey eyes prettily. Remus‘ breath caught in his throat.

„When did you tell him?“

„Right after you fucked me full of your cum and plugged me up. Don‘t worry Sirius enjoyed the taste of your cum.“

Remus closed his eyes and took a calming breath. You were killing him.

„Relax Moons, I‘m not mad. Promise.“

Remus looked at his friend and nodded lightly. „You should fuck some patience into her mate, she‘s feisty.“

Sirius grinned at his best mate, „Fuck her for me then.“

Remus smirked back and looked at you. Your pupils were already dailated and your pussy wet with the thought of being fucked by your boyfriend and his best friend. You let out a soft mewl, resting your head on Sirius‘ and pouted as you looked at Remus.

„C‘mon Remmy, been waiting for weeks to have you...“

Remus groaned at that, finally giving in and bend down to press a kiss on your lips, tongue caressing yours. Sirius let out a breathy Remus and Remus turned his head to look at his friend. Sirius was looking at him closely, as if he had seen him for the first time in his life and surged forward to kiss Remus hard. Remus couldn‘t resist, not Sirius, and immediately melted against him, letting you pull him on the bed. He laid on his back, letting you straddle his waist as he continued to kiss Sirius passionately. It was filthy, they were licking and biting, moaning and breathing in each others mouths, not once coming up for air. You pushed Sirius back slightly to pull off Remus‘ shirt and pressed kisses along his upper body, sucking at his nipples, his hips bucking up to meet yours.

„Sirius, love, I want you to watch as Remus fucks me.“

The boys stopped kissing and Sirius moaned out a ,Fuck yes, I want to see you both’, before he settled against Remus‘ headboard.

„You really are a slut, aren‘t you? Getting off on your boyfriend watching us fuck? You‘re filthy puppy, you suprise me every time,“ Remus said against your lips as his hands worked on taking off your bra.

„You should have seen her when she told me about it, Moony. She begged me to let you join us, begged me to let you fuck her again. Not that she needed to beg for long“, Sirius commented, as he watched you make out.

You whined, listening to them talk as if you weren‘t there. As if you were a toy for their pleasure. These boys are sin.

Remus let out a mocking laugh as he pulled your head back to look at your face. „Aw pup, don‘t worry I‘ll give you something to beg for..“

You only whimpered at that, silently begging him to touch you. Remus got up and pushed you on your back, kissing down your neck, hands playing with your tits. He was kneading them hard, his pointer and thumb pinching your nipples until they were sore, his mouth sucking yellowish bruises on your soft skin. You writhed underneath him, arching your chest in his mouth. He leaned back, satisfied with the state of your tits and continued to kiss his way down to your pussy, leaving a trial of spit in his wake. With a sharp tug he rid you of your clothing and pushed your legs against your chest.

„So thats what your pretty cunt looks like unfucked...God, I just want to ruin it.“

Sirius moaned at that and you heard him open the buckle of his belt.

Remus kissed your clit, spit on your pussy and slowly parted your lips with his fingers to push his tongue inside. You trembled at that, hips grinding on his face. Remus let out low groans, the vibrations making you even more sensitive.

„Enough Moony, fuck her already, c‘mon“, Sirius‘ voice urged.

Remus pulled back at that, leaving you empty and clenching around nothing. You knew better than to complain, so you just clamped your mouth shut and looked at Remus expectantly. Remus gave you a mocking smile at that.

„Greedy slut‘s learning hm? Good puppy.“

„Yes Remmy, wanna be good. Want you to fuck me good“, you said with a simper, lips pulling into a pout.

Remus grinned even more and Sirius chuckled from behind you.

„Since when are you so polite darling?“

„You would be too if he would stop fucking you before you reach your orgasm, Siri. Remus can be evil.“

Remus let out a breathless laugh and moved towards Sirius. You sat up to watch the exchange.

He leaned in to kiss his friend, lips that had been licking at your pussy just a few minutes ago. They didn‘t care, clearly enjoying your tase and Remus pulled back to whisper against Sirius‘ lips. „M‘gonna lay down now and your girlfriend will ride me until I come inside of her. I want you to fuck my mouth with your cock Padfoot, can you do that? Will you fuck my mouth?“

Sirius let out a broken moan against his lips. „Remus, fuck, yes please.“ „Good boy.“

Remus took off the rest of his clothes and threw them carelessly on the floor. You hurried to climb onto his lap and smeared your pussy on his cock to get him wet. Slowly you pushed the head of his cock against your hole and sat down, both of you let out broken moans. You stopped when he was lodged deep inside of you and waited for further instructions. Sirius immediately knelt over Remus‘ face and rubbed the tip of his cock against his lips. Remus‘ tongue gave a slow lick and Sirius shuddered, pushing his cock in further. You braced your hands on Remus‘ chest and started to fuck yourself on his cock in a fast pace, grinding and fucking your pussy to your hearts content. Fuck you dreamt about this for weeks. Pleasure slowly began to build up in your belly and you chased it, going harder, squeezing around his cock, rubbing your clit. Remus growled at the tightness and Sirius let out a high pitched moan, fucking Remus‘ mouth, not caring that his friend was tearing up and choking. If anything, it made him hotter and he rutted against Remus‘ face chasing his orgasm.

„Sirius, lean forward“, you said and stopped riding Remus. You tugged at your boyfriends hair and made him suck on your fingers. Slowly you rubbed your fingers against his asshole and pushed them inside, just as Remus thrusted up in your pussy, displeased with the lack of moving. You began riding him again, your fingers fucking your boyfriends ass, the other one massaging his heavy balls.

„Fuck, god, don‘t stop, oh please don‘t stop..“

Sirius was a blabbering mess, not knowing if he should rock forward to fuck Remus‘ face or backwards to fuck your fingers. He let out a shriek as your fingers brushed his spot and braced himself on his hands, giving you full access. You pulled away from Remus, wanting to give your beautiful boyfriend the best orgasm of his life. Your fingers fucked him harder, your other hand tugging at his balls, feeling them draw up to his body, close to cumming. Remus sucked his cock, spit leaking out of the corner of his mouth as he groaned around the cock in his mouth.

Remus and you fucked him relentlessly and Sirius could barely hold himself upright, voice hitching and watery with pleasure.

„Yes yes yes ooh, don‘t sto- ah“

He came hard, pushing his cock down Remus‘ throat as far as possible, his ass clenching around your fingers as you fucked him through his orgasm. Remus let out choking sounds as he did his best to swallow all of his best friends cum, his hands spanking Sirius‘ ass hard. With a low groan Sirius slid out of Remus‘ mouth and collapsed next to your bodies, basking in the afterglow of his orgasm. He was clearly gone, eyes glazed over, body trembling with pleasure.

You leaned down, kissing Remus, tasting Sirius cum, reminding you of your first kiss with the werewolf. Remus hummed, remembering too and kissed you back lazily, pushing you on your back to fuck you again. His cock was steadily leaking cum, not farm from his own orgasm. He thrust into your pussy with a sharp trust, drinking in your screams of pleasure as he fucked you senseless.

„You and your filthy boyfriend thought you could break me huh? Make me beg? Now look at you both. Pathetic sluts, m‘gonna show you how to properly fuck“, Remus bit out, voice strained and angry for being denied his orgasm by you so often.

„Fuck Remmy, please“, you gasped out, the knot it your belly steadily buildig up again and you trapped him between your legs, not letting him leave until he fucked you full of his cum.

He fucked and fucked and fucked you so hard you could barely breathe until he burried himself to the hilt and let out a throaty moan against the skin of your neck. He came and came, filling you to the brim with his seed, not stopping until you begged him to.

„Rem, s‘too much Remmy, stop“

„Before that it wasn‘t enough, now s‘too much? Make up your mind you dirty whore“

You could only sob at that, your body trembling all over, your blood feeling as if it boils your from the inside.

Finally he pulled out slowly, enyoing the way your pussy clenched around him and fell on your other side.

It was silent for a few minutes, both of you trying to calm down, listening to the Sirius breathe, already fallen asleep due to the force of his orgasm.

„Did you enjoy it?“

„You serious? I had the hardest orgasm of my life!“

You let out a tired giggle. „M‘glad then. Stay Remmy.“

„You sure? I um I can just sleep in Padfoots bed, s‘alright if-

„Remus, please stay.“

He gave you a relieved smile.

„I‘ll stay.“

You gave him a satisfied grin, tugging Sirius up to rest his head on your chest and Remus threw his arm over the both of you, head resting above yours.

The End (unless you want more lol, lemme know)

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

This story takes place during the summer of 1987. It's the time of the Cold War, and heavy metal, and Just Say No.

Ten chapters, each with a specific song as its soundtrack.

I'm so excited to finally share it with you.

----

Chapter 1: Starry Eyes

Soundtrack: "Starry Eyes," Mötley Crüe, 1981 [click here to listen]

It was quiet here in the mountains.

Claire Beauchamp drew in a long, shaky breath of clear, crisp air, and tucked her legs up onto the seat of the Adirondack chair. Watching the sun set over the valley.

Gripping the arm of the chair with shaky hands.

Behind her on the deck, a dozen or so strangers – men and women – shuffled into their own chairs, or to square tables with board games under one arm. Chatter wafted through the door that led into The Ridge’s main building.

The brochure that Joe Abernathy had pressed into her hands, sitting in the back seat of his Jaguar sedan while his wife Gail drove them to the airport, described The Ridge as a residential treatment facility. Her mind was still reeling from the intervention, and that Gail had already packed her a duffel bag stuffed with essentials – it had all been so seamless.

There were many things Claire had wanted to block out in the two years since she’d left Frank and everything had fallen apart. Many things she had shut out from the world around her, paralyzed by pain. But she hadn’t lost all of her faculties quite yet.

Because no matter what The Ridge called itself, no matter how beautiful the landscaping of its grounds, or the plush cushions on the chairs, or the gourmet meals prepared by the in-house chef (herself five years in recovery, or so the brochure proudly proclaimed), there was no hiding what it really was.

Rehab.

Claire was there because she was an addict.

And she would stay there until she had unfucked her life.

“Excuse me?”

She turned to see a tall man, red hair down to his shoulders, colorful tattoos covering every inch of his arms and disappearing beneath the sleeves of a well-fitted black t-shirt.

“May I sit next to you?”

She shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

He flopped down into the chair, crossed his long legs, and lay both palms on the armrests, thumbs tapping a quick beat.

“First day?”

It had been forty six hours since her last fix, and pain sliced her skull. She hadn’t gone this long without in more than a year. “Yes,” she murmured.

Now his fingers joined in the tapping. “Thought so. The new ones always come in the middle of the day – that’s why Group is always in the afternoons. So we can have our individual sessions in the morning, and meet all together in the afternoon. It helps to stick to a schedule.”

She turned in the chair to look at him. He wasn’t looking at her – just gazing straight ahead – but he kept talking. “Anyway, it’ll just be a few minutes until dinner. I hope you like Mexican – they take Taco Tuesdays pretty seriously around here.”

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I can’t remember your name. I know we introduced ourselves at Group, but it’s all just a blur.”

He turned to face her, and she could hear his smile. “Don’t worry about it. You’re Claire – pills addict. That’s what you told us, anyway.”

“It’s true.”

“Well then.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Jamie – I’m an alcoholic. Bourbon, mostly. And a little bit of cocaine, now and again.”

She gripped his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“I’m a sex addict, too,” he added. “John – my therapist here – he said that the more honest I am, the better it will be for me later on.”

“I appreciate your honesty,” she said, not quite sure what else to say.

“I’ve hurt a lot of people by not being honest, and by drinking, and not being honest about my drinking.” He folded his hands in his lap. Lallybroch read one tattoo inching up his left arm, and Ellen read another. “I’m on the tenth step. I’ve learned a lot so far.”

Claire stared down at her own hands – bare, except for her mother’s silver wedding band, which Uncle Lamb had given her when she was twelve. “Well, if we’re going for honesty – I’m a trauma surgeon, at one of the top hospitals in Boston. My asshole ex-husband used to hit me, and I prescribed myself some ludes to deaden everything. I wrote out the scripts to him, then took them to the pharmacy myself.” She pursed her lips, feeling his eyes on her. “I thought I had it under control – I thought that nobody noticed. Until I showed up high one day, and made a stupid mistake, and almost killed a patient.”

He was strangely quiet – and after silently counting to twenty, Claire looked up at him. He was still tapping his fingers against the armrest of the chair, though in a more structured, organized rhythm. Nodding his head. Thinking.

“It was my best friend who got me here,” he said softly. “I’ve known him since we were kids – he even married my sister. He saw what I was doing to myself, how much I was hurting her, and hurting the thing that he and I had worked so hard to build.” A spray of black and white stars flexed above his elbow. “Who got you here?”

“My best friend. We went to medical school together – he was my man of honor at my wedding. He and his wife staged a full-on intervention.”

Jamie’s brows lifted. “Wow.”

She nodded, encouraged. “I’d already been indefinitely suspended without pay from the hospital. I figured, what do I have to lose?”

“Yeah. We have to reach that point.”

A metallic clang pierced the air – and Claire jumped.

Jamie smiled. “That’s the literal dinner bell. Like I said, I hope you like tacos.”

Claire slid forward in the chair and stood, stretching. “I could eat anything right about now. I’m not too picky.”

Now Jamie stood – and smiled down at her. “I’m helping get everyone seated tonight – we all pick up chores around here. See you in there?”

She smiled back. “Yeah. And thanks for talking to me.”

“No sweat.” Quickly he stepped away from her and across the deck toward the door back inside.

“Hey.”

Claire turned to see a woman – young, dark-haired, size zero – remove her enormous sunglasses.

“Yes?”

“I can’t believe you were talking to him!” she exclaimed.

Claire shoved her hands into her pockets. “What do you mean?”

The woman shook her head. “Do you even know who he is?”

“He introduced himself. Seemed nice enough. Why?”

The woman huffed and flipped her hair over one shoulder. “That’s Jamie Fraser. You know – the singer and lead guitarist in Print?”

“Print?” Claire searched her scattered memory. “Isn’t that some hard rock band?”

“Not just some band – the biggest band in the world for at least five years now. Like, dozens of hits, videos on MTV 24/7, big stadium tours, and armloads of awards. I’ve been trying to get his attention since I got here! And he just walked right up to you!”

It had been a long day. Claire was hungry, and tired, and wanted nothing more than an aspirin and a pillow – maybe a taco first. Definitely not any more time with this girl.

“Well, thanks for the info – ”

“Geneva,” the woman explained. “I’m an alcoholic. You?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Claire made a beeline for the door.

[dameronology]

the one where he doesn’t listen (poe x reader)

summary: poe dameron + ‘i think we should take a break’ ‘you’re right - we’ll get some food, cool down and then we can talk about this’ no, i mean a break from us’

warnings: language 

i PROMISE i am working on some fluff, i know literally everything i’m writing at the moment is angst but like 80% of my requests are for angst...and i just hope u guys are okay lol love u 

enjoy,

- jazz

‘Would you just listen to me?!’

You ignored the calls of your boyfriend, violently kicking open the door to the air hangar. You stormed inside, a scowl on your face - you didn’t notice Jessika and Snap jump back at the sight of you. You breezed through the base, boots thumping into the concrete floors, steps like thunder. You couldn’t even look at Poe - you might throttle him otherwise.

You usually embraced his rebelliousness. His courage was one of the many things you loved about him - but this was your mission. You were the commander. It was a different story when he was ignoring your orders. The whole operation had been blown up because he couldn’t listen for once in his life. 

‘Baby, please-’

You stopped in your tracks, and Poe crashed into your back with a grunt. You turned to face him, and for a split second, he held out his arms. The action, however, was quickly retracted when you jabbed your finger into his chest. He silently thanked whichever god was up there that looks couldn’t kill - if they could, yours would have been a weapon of mass destruction.

‘The one time I need you to listen!’ You snapped. ‘The one fucking time, Poe!’

‘I said I was sorry-’

‘- sorry doesn’t get me my mission back!’ You continued, cutting him off. ‘Sorry doesn’t change the fact you ignored me. Sorry doesn’t change the fact you went against my direct orders!’

There was a little bit more to it than his disobedience. You weren’t a superior behind a comms link, barking orders at him. You were his partner - the one person you’d hoped would be the exception to his insubordination. That was what was causing most of the fuel behind your rage. 

Poe bit his lip, nodding. ‘I’ll make it up to you.’

‘How?’ You snorted. ‘You find a time machine and go back and unfuck this up for me?’

He grimaced, hopelessly scrambling to find something - anything - to say that could possibly calm you down. ‘I’ll explain it to Leia. I’ll take the fall.’

‘That was gonna be the case anyways.’ You murmured. 

Poe reached out to grab your hand, but you swatted it away. 

‘Don’t.’ You shook your head. ‘Look, I’m gonna go to my quarters and get the mission report done. I need time to think - and maybe a wall to punch.’

‘Wait,’ His mouth dropped open, and that was when the magnitude of his actions finally seemed to click. ‘This isn’t gonna change anything is it, for us?’

You knew the us that Poe was referring to - and he didn’t mean your professional relationship. He meant the us, us. The us that had sneaky kisses and escapades in broom closets. The us that laid together at night in each other’s arms, discussing everything from from work that day to theories about the deepest, darkest galaxies. The us that might have been the only stable thing in Poe Dameron’s unpredictable life. 

‘I don’t know.’ You sighed. ‘I just need time to think.’

You paused, the volume of the situation beginning to cause the descend down a slippery slope of misery and rage. 

How could he do this to you? You knew that the flyboy was capable of some exceptionally dumb things, but this one took the crown. This was the grand finale that completed The Chronicles of Poe Dameron’s Dumbassery (patent pending). 

Poe grabbed your arm, glancing around at your co-workers. Most of them had left the room when you entered - news of the mission had quickly spread about the base and people did not want to get in your way. Even Threepio had made a point to not go near you. Still, the pilot dragged you from the walkway and towards an empty space behind his X-Wing. The ship was splattered with dents and chips from the TIE fighters that had chased you out of the planet you’d been on. Perhaps that would be the epilogue in the aforementioned book.

‘Baby,’ his voice almost broke, desperate as he grabbed your face in his hands. ‘I would give anything to go back and undo what I did, literally anything, but I can’t-’

‘- I know you can’t.’ You moved his hands, momentarily intertwining your fingers. ‘It can just be so exhausting, Poe. I love you so much but you don’t think about the people around you.

You moved away from him, propping yourself up against the ladder of his jet. Your feet swayed back and forth for a moment as you thought. You were hurting- teetering on the edge of pure insanity, ping-ponging between your intense love for the man in front of you and your frustration at the situation.

‘I think we should take a break.’

You knew that you didn’t mean it. The second the words left your mouth, you wanted to swat them out the air, throw them to the ground like dead flies. Some childish part of you just wanted to scare him, to make him feel what you’d felt. 

‘You’re right,’ Poe nodded. ‘We’ll get some food, cool down and then we can talk about this-’

‘- no, Poe.’ Your voice cracked slightly. ‘I mean a break from us.’

‘You’re breaking up with me?’

‘No, not a break up. Just a break.’ You stood up.

You saw the hurt on his face; the anguish, the torment. More than ever, you wanted to wrap your arms around him; to hug him, to run your hands through his stupidly soft hair and hold him and promise to hurt whoever it was that was causing his distress. But it was you. Was love always this much agony?

‘I gotta clear my head.’ You whispered, slipping by him as you walked away.

--

A few hours later, you were even more angry that you had been when this whole thing started. You were no longer just enraged at Poe - you were now pissed off with yourself. Why had you said that? Why had you let the heat of the situation push you over the edge and say such stupid things?

Three hours without Poe by your side felt like a lifetime - a long, sad, empty lifetime. You’d been sat on your bed, handing resting on the empty space where he should have been. You were still furious at him but that didn’t mean you wanted to be without him.

You let out a sigh, watching as BB-8 circled the floor in front of you. He’d followed you back from the hangar, beeping something about relaxation methods. But aside from that, he’d been pretty silent. You felt like he was a kid who’d seen his parents have a fight. 

‘Where is Poe?’ You asked quietly, moving down to kneel in front of the droid, fixing his antenna. ‘In Finn’s room? I know right, where else?’

Grabbing the nearest jacket from your desk, you tugged it over your shoulders. As the heavy leather fell over your torso, you realised it with Poe’s - he’d lent it to you on your third date. It occasionally lead to a few awkward situations where you, Finn and Poe all turned up wearing matching jackets, given that the pilot had also gifted one to his friend. 

You made your way to Finn’s quarters, BB-8 rolling behind you. He’d perked up a bit at the prospect of his parents you and Poe working it out. Nobody liked to see you guys fight. You knocked on the door twice - usually, you were close enough with Finn to walk in unannounced, but with the given circumstances, you didn’t want to just swan inside.

A few seconds later, the door opened, and he greeted you with a smile. ‘Y/N!’

‘Hey, Finn.’ You greeted him. BB-8 nudged past his leg, rolling inside without waiting for an invitation. 

‘Poe’s inside.’ He said, stepping aside. ‘I’ll give you guys some space, but please don’t do anything in my bed.’

You rolled your eyes. ‘Finn.’

‘Just saying!’ He ruffled your hair as you walked by.

Poe was sat on Finn’s bed, a holopad in one hand and a cup of caff in the other. He’d clearly heard the exchange at the door and was trying to play it cool - something at which he was failing miserably. 

‘Hey,’ you greeted him quietly. You gently took a seat on the bed next to him, pulling the holopad from his hands. ‘Wanna talk?’

‘Is there much to say?’ His voice was cold, and you almost did a double take.

‘Poe,’ you sighed. ‘I don’t want to break up, or go on a break, or whatever it was that I said.’

His brown eyes lit up slightly, and he finally turned to look at you. The last three hours had been equally painful for him - he thought he’d lost you. There was a lot of things that terrified him but there was nothing that scared him more than the idea of life without you by his side. He would have rather gone up against Kylo Ren with a pencil for a weapon than let go of you.

‘I got caught up in the heat of the moment,’ you continued. ‘You hurt me, and I think I was reaching for something that might make you feel the same.’

‘Well, you made me feeling something that was deep, dark and pretty terrible.’ Poe tried to joke, but he couldn’t hide the wavering in his voice. He reached to take your hands in his, and your heart broke when you realised they were shaking. ‘But that’s not a lot compared to what it feels like to lose a mission - especially because of me.’

‘I don’t care that we lost the mission. That happens all the time - it just hurts that you didn’t listen to me.’ You explained. ‘I guess I felt like you didn’t respect me.’

‘I do!’ Poe’s eyes widened. ‘I would...I would do anything for you. You know that, right? You tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it-’

‘- I just want you to listen to me.’ You cut him off. ‘That’s it.’

‘I can do that.’ A smile finally fell onto his lips. He pressed a kiss to your lips, and you felt yourself finally relax. You were going to be okay.

‘I’m still fucking furious at you, though.’ Your words didn’t quite match your actions; with one hand tangled in his hair and one resting on his face, you seemed to be more sweet than intimidating. ‘But I love you, and whatever this is, we’re gonna work through it.’

‘I love you too.’ He pulled you in for another kiss. ‘And I will never, ever do anything stupid again.’

‘I give it five minutes tops.’

[goattypegirl]

Harrow the Ninth Live Read: Chapter 6-11

Con: It’s been a while

Pro: We finished part 1!

Con: this post is hella long now.

Chapter 6

Eighth House icon. Oh no. Gotta say, not a fan of the characters from the Eight House in Gideon the Ninth, whose names I now forget. There was Big Dude and Mayonnaise Twink. 

OH OK WE’RE STARTING OFF WITH SOME LOCKED IN SYNDROME SHIT. 

So, panicked person wheeling Harrow is given the title “Sacred Hand.” I vaguely recall seeing that before; is that a title given to Lyctors? Is this one of the OG Lyctors finally making an appearance? Wheeling the frozen Harrow to the Emperor to “unfuck accordingly?” Well, maybe not. Presumably another Lyctor would be able to “unfuck accordingly” themselves.

Oh disregard it is a Lyctor! And if we go back to the Dramatis Personae, this should be... Mercymorn! Originally of the Eighth House! She seems nice.

“It was his order that she not be touched.” Did the Emperor do this? But hwhy?

Calling Harrow and Ianthe babies is kind of hilarious. Aaaand Mercymorn just knocked this random person unconscious. OH wait is this the person the Emperor said to make static-y noises at? Survey says... maybe? They were called the Saint of Joy, which seems a unique title?

The whole description of the Lyctor and the way she visually dissects Harrow is so poetic, but something else catches my eye here. Harrow says her eyes did not have such a startling transition, which helps confirm my theory that Harrow is suppressing or undid the Lyctor process.

Also using the power of Cringe, Harrow partially(?) undoes the paralysis spell done to her. “An emotion was playing out over her face that was- not unfamiliar to you- but nonsensical; you discarded it.” Eh? What emotion could this be referring to? Confusion over what Harrow did? Awe? Fear? All of the above?

OH okay before I forget, Harrow formed a bone hook inside of her to do that, and she made that bone sheath to hold on to the sword, so maybe her necromancy isn’t being suppressed? Well, maybe. That feels more... internal? Like she hasn’t grown any full ass skeletons from bone dust yet.

...Why is Harrow afraid of telling Mercymorn her actual age? Why is the Body telling her to lie? Why fifteen??

Relief? That’s what flashed across Mercymorn’s face? Oh, duh, because Harrow did that and didn’t immediately die. Duh. Also she straight up said “hiss”? That is weird. Also, thinking back, it is weird there wasn’t an age requirement in the Lyctor trials. Also Mercymorn took Ianthe too???

“You’re not as pretty as Anastasia.” Anastasia being the member of the Ninth House listed with the Lyctors, but not as one of the Saints. Doing this liveread has its advantages, namely that I can remember shit that happened earlier! 

OH WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. “AS Anastasia,” not “As Anastasia was.” Implying Anastasia’s still alive? Matches her name not being struck through in the Dramatis Personae, and Mercymorn said there were 3 OG Lyctors now. Which matches with Anastasia not having that line about being a Saint! I’ve connected the two dots!

Okay there’s a lot going on here. Why is this normal necromancer so fascinating to Ianthe and Harrow? What she’s doing is pretty dope to be fair. Mercymorn called Ianthe 12... which... huh. More on that in a second. First, I need to google what the fuck an animaphiliac is... probably in an incognito window. Oh, okay, it’s just a style of necromancy in this universe okay thank God. Mercymorn also said Ianthe wasn’t as attractive as Cyrus... which is weird... And it reminds Ianthe of being with Mummy... I assume she means her mother, comparing her to Coronabeth? Oof.

So, back to the lowballing age thing. Mercymorn assumes Ianthe is 12, probably  because she’s super old and has forgotten how mortals age. Harrow seems to have subconsciously picked up on this, which is why she lied about her age. I’m still in the camp of the Body being non-supernatural in origin. Yes, she has Gideon’s eyes, BUT, she spoke in the voice of Harrow’s mother and Aiglamene. SO, my theory is that the Body is a product of the trauma Harrow’s gone through, that’s kind of externalizing Harrow’s inner thought process. Like I said earlier, I’ve read Twig, and this is reminiscent of that.

OH hey we’re headed to the frontline apparently? Because 3 warships got shot down suddenly? Which begs the question I’ve had in the back of my mind since first picking up this series, who the fuck are they fighting??? Probably not Ressurection Beasts, given what we know about them. Other humans, probably? Dominicus (probably) isn’t Earth or humanity’s home planet. 

Okay, hold up. The Emperor is trying to get to the frontline now, Mercymorn wants him to return to “the Mithraeum”, which is presumably the capital of the Empire outside of the Dominicus system? Also, Emperor’s been on the ship for 80 years, and been away from the Mithraeum for 100... Once again, the math’s not adding up...

Okay, so God hugs Mercymorn, she freezes, he confirms that he is leaving, and that he knows exactly who shot down 3 warships???

Okay cool we’re not headed to the fronline, we’re headed to the Mithraeum, whatever the fuck that is.

Ohhh and the Cohort necromancer girl died, or committed suicide? And the Emperor brought her back? ...There’s a story there.

Ohhhh Mom and Dad are fighting.

OKAY ONCE AGAIN A LOT TO UNPACK HERE BUT THE MITHRAEUM CAN ONLY BE REACHED BY ONE MEANS???? AND IT MAY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH BEING A LYCTOR???

...Hey. So. Here’s something. In the description of Mercy’s sword, it says it has a white knob at the end of, and I quote “-you didn’t know the exact technical word. It was a pommel though.” There’s a disconnect there, between Harrow’s knowledge, and the narrator’s knowledge. This has happened a few other times, like just a few pages ago, Harrow says a room is used for bodily functions, but the narrator jumps in and says no one in the universe would call it that, it’s a toilet. And this is going to sound kind of batshit, but like 6 years ago i was in to Undertale, and there was a popular theory that the narrator in that game was a separate character from the PC and... a lot of the points used in that theory kinda ring true here... even the use of second person narration...

So the narrator is a separate character from Harrow? Now, whether this narrator exists in-universe, or if this is a really cool stylistic choice, is another story. Right now I’m leaning towards... I don’t know. Well, hm. If the Body is a kind of externalization of Harrow’s inner thought process, maybe the narrator is an internalization? 

That makes no sense.

Something to keep in mind.

Anyway, the shuttle detaches. There’s a sort of irony, in God being tired of people martyring themselves for him, but giving a speech saying “hey if you die in my service I love you.”

OKAY I think we’re about to go faster than light using necromancy? This should be good. OH OKAY WE’RE TAKING A SHORTCUT THROUGH HELL. COOL.

...so what was their original method of faster than light travel that turned out to be unusable? did it have to do with neutrinos in italy?

okay I love Mercy and the Emperor’s dialogue here. Again, objectively, I’m sure they’re bad people who have committed several warcrimes... but the way they bicker is just hilarious.

I’m googling hyperpotamus, and i’m only getting other Harrow the Ninth livereads, so it appears to be a term made for the book. But I have a terrible feeling it’s a pun on hippopotamus.

There are so many quotes here that I absolutely love, including “said the Lord of the Nine Houses, who apparently existed within a complex power dynamic.”  and “The magma metaphor falls apart from here.” 

...Oh. Okay, serious time. Even at the very start, just post-Resurrection, two of the Lyctors fell to the Resurrection Beasts. Well, one died, and one was “removed from play.” Which sounds horrifying.

So we’re dipping into Hell because you can move fast there. Hell is full of angry ghosts. This explains the ghost ward. Lyctors have hacked the system, and so can kind of survive there. And we learn what happened to Cassiopeia, one of the deceased Lyctors. (Interestingly enough it says she baited physical portions of the Ressurection Beast. Not a beast. Nor is it given a number...)

ALright so entering the River physically sounds fucking horrifying. I’m very glad we only have to do it this once and it definitely won’t come back later in the book nope definitely not.

“and that you felt alone in your head.” ;_;

Chapter 7

Sixth House icon.

There’s not a lot to say here, besides how freaky this is. How much do you want to bet that the faint wail Harrow hears is coming from the coffin with Cyntherea’s body?

JOHN. GOD’S NAME IS JOHN?? #NAME LORE UNLOCKED. IM JUST SO HAPPY I FINALLY HAVE A WAY TO REFER TO HIM WITHOUT STRUGGLING TO SPELL EMPORER EVERY FUCKIN TIME.

Also, Mercymorn knowing his like actual human name further implies some stuff about the timeline of the Ressurection, which I was wondering about previously... but that’s a discussion for later because Harrow’s in Hell!

Not a lot to say here besides 

fuck.

A few things. One. I think they’re going to get out of this okay? And by okay I mean alive? We know Ianthe, the Emperor, and Harrow live up to the point of the Prologue, and I don’t think Mercymorn is going to die already. 

Two. Cassiopeia was from the Sixth House, going by her Cavalier’s last name, which explains the chapter icon.

Three. The lights? The last page or so is very metaphorical, but, at the beginning it says Harrow perceived herself as a “sickly radiance”, and that she perceived the others on the ship as a light as well. She later said she was an “ova cluster of two hundred pinpricks of light.” So I think in this deep part of the River Harrow accidentally sent herself to, souls (maybe?) are displayed as lights. Harrow’s own soul is literally made up of the hundreds of dead House Nine kids, which is. Spooky. But then, at the end, when they jump out of the River, they bring 5 lights with them. So... either something hitched a ride with them, or it has something to do with Harrow suppressing Gideon and the Lyctor ritual. Everyone else on the ship has undergone the Lyctor ritual (or something similar, in John’s case), and they only have 1 light each. At least to Harrow’s eyes. BRUH IDK WHAT”S GOING ON. 

Chapter 8

No further answers here, this is a flashback chapter! So, sheared skull = flashback. And this chapter is going to feature the Fourth House, apparently. Who was Fourth House again? Oh no it was the kids. Oh no. ;_;

So, we are continuing through Harrow’s re-imagination of the events of Canaan House, with her Ortus OC in tow.

Of course Harrow is overwhelmed by normal tea, and of course Harrow thinks dressing up skeletons is stupid. 

AND of course Harrow would have a private prayer wishing doom on anyone that looks at her with any kind of emotion.

Hold up, the Anastasian tomb? Reserved for warriors? And presumably derived from the word Anastasia, the mysterious not-Lyctor of the Ninth House?? 

I can already tell Anastasia is going to become my Pepe Silvia. 

Ohhh this is going to be a lore bomb about the timeline of the Ressurection and I’m going to need to pull out my copy of Gideon the Ninth to see if any of this shit actually happened. 

TEN? TEN NORMAL ASS HUMANS? AND FIVE NECROMANCERS?? BUT THERE WERE SEVEN LYCTORS. THE MATH DOES NOT CHECK OUT.

Okay so I checked and none of this shit actually happened! In fact, Teacher actually said there were 16, 8 necromancers, 8 cavaliers. Where the fuck is Harrow getting 10 from? Who knows! And rather than explicitly saying “hey check out the basement labs to see how to become a Lyctor,” Teacher actually said fuck if I know. Not actually. But still.

Oh of course it’s called the Sleeper!! I had Kill Bill sirens playing in my head when I first read that. 

So,  had a whole ass monologue here, but this is already very long and im sleepy, so to very quickly summarize, the Parahumans series had an entity known as the Sleeper that was intentionally very mysterious and raised a lot of questions amongst fans, and the fact that there’s another entity here known as the Sleeper is flooding me.

So, I’m spooked. Again, this entire conversation did not actually happen. Teacher’s dialogue is precious. “go where I durst not go: because I love my life, and I love noise, also.” and “I do not know the answers to any of these questions, only that, already, you are being too loud.”

So, the rest of the chapter plays out with Ortus complaining to Harrow. Intriguingly, he says that Harrow doesn’t have much of an imagination, when she says there was no one else to choose as her Cavalier... And then one of the skeletons says, “Is this how it happens?” harkening back to Parodos, when the Body says something similar. There’s a lot to unpack here. One, like I said previously, because Ortus, and apparently the entirety of Canaan House, is a product of Harrow’s mind, they can maybe give some insight into Harrow herself. However, the fact that Ortus seems to break character and chastise her for her lack of imagination is... I don’t know.

Okay, theory time. “The Work” alluded to in the letters is not only the suppression of Lyctor-hood, it’s also the erasure of Gideon, and the creation of these false memories. Meaning Lyctor!Harrow somehow crafted them; there was conscious effort behind it. Which means we can totally pick these scenes apart to gain further insight into Harrow! The skeleton and the Body asking if this is what happened, and Ortus breaking character (maybe) are her subconscious breaking through... Maybe that ties into my idea of the narrator being an internalization or compartmentalization of Harrow’s trauma? Hmm...

Chapter 9

Seventh House skull, and not a flashback. I’m guessing this is because we’re going to inter Cyntherea’s body here.

Okay, so time seems to have passed. IDK how much of the River Harrow remembers here. It seems like she recalls it like a bad dream. Ianthe’s here, and they’re in a chapel made of bone. Or at least one absolutely covered in bone. 

Here’s a question. The necromancy Harrow excels at, that’s creating a whole ass skeleton from a single bit of bone. Is she actually creating a new skeleton? Or is she reforming one. Like if she had two teeth from the same skeleton, could she use that to make two new skeletons? In the last chapter the Ressurection was described as not creating anything new... does that apply to all of necromancy, or just what the Emperor did?

Also another side note, Harrow says the stars glow with an unearthly light, which matches what the Emperor said, that they restarted the stars near the Mithraeum with thanergy, so they’re weird now. Except... wasn’t Dominicus restarted the same way? Or is the Dominicus system a hybrid of thanergy and thalergy? I’m getting my energies mixed up.

Anyway yep it’s Cyntherea’s funeral, and Harrow is checking the fuck out.

Okay we have a new Lyctor... and I’m guessing it’s Augustine, since he and Mercymorn are fighting.  

Okay and John’s giving a speech and giving more lore about the pre-Ressurrection and it’s confirmed that this guy is Augustine and-

First gen? Second gen? Sixth installation?? Valancy? ANASTASIA?

bruh im so flooded and this is supposed to be such a reverent moment.

Ohhh this is awkward now that they’re pulling Ianthe and Harrow forward. Okay we get a formal introduction to Mercymorn and Augustine. Augustine trails off before the third... and asks if he, the third surviving Lyctor, knows about the missile strikes...Is the third Lyctor the one leading the people who shot down the warships, which is sounding increasingly like a rebellion rather than a battle against others? Who’s the third again ah fuck it’s ORTUS.

ORTUS is apparently interested in “you-know-what”. Which I don’t know what. Please elaborate. 

ORTUS is here and he’s skeletal. OH AND SO IS RESSURECTION BEAST NUMBER SEVEN.

FUCK.

(bruh what the fuck is a pseudo-Beast)

Okay yep time to fight an eldritch god.

Speaking of which, God’s name is John confirmed.

And Harrow bled from the ear and fell unconscious, hearing the name ORTUS.

Chapter 10

Pog we’re almost done with part 1. Fifth skull, sheared, so it’s flashback time. 

I don’t recognize immediately where we are; apparently this is in the library in Canaan House? Though I don’t remember one from Gideon the Ninth. We see a bit of personality from Ortus, when he complains about Fifth House poetry, which is nice. 

Oh, wait, never mind, that was Magnus speaking. Ortus remains as boring as ever.

Hehehehe dick jokes.

Hey so no fake vow of silence in the false memories of Canaan House! That’s interesting. As is Magnus and Abagail being here, and them being pretty fleshed out characters. As are these cooking instructions from the Lyctors...

HOOOOOOOLD the phone here. The cooking notes mention an M and Nigella... which was the first name of Cassiopeia’s cavalier... How would Harrow know that? The easy explanation is that this is a note that Harrow actually found, and is placing here in her fake memories... The other explanation is that something funky is afoot...

Ooohkay Magnus is asking if this is how it happens now. The simulation is breaking down. AND ABAGAIL CAN TELL THAT HARROW IS A LIVING WAR CRIME. PANIC.

Okay now we’re getting Ortus emotion! He is a grown ass man Harrow. At least, he would be, were he not a figment of Harrow’s imagination.

HEEEEY

WHAT THE FUUUUCK

WE’RE CONTINUING ON THIS DYING EGGS THING

PROBABLY WILL BE RELEVANT LATER.

Okay and the simulation breaks down further when Ortus says “you did have a cavalier with a backbone, I’m not them.” Interestingly enough, it’s hours later Harrow realizes something’s weird... Huh...

Chapter 11

Seventh House skull.

Literally just a paragraph saying Harrow sleepwalked and stabbed Cyntherea’s body.

...She sleep walked... the Sleeper from the fake Canaan House...

[movienotesbyzawmer]

October 31: Strangers on a Train

After suffering through more Friday the 13th movies than anyone deserves, I’m rewarding myself on the evening of October 31 with a viewing of what I've often said is my favorite Hitchcock movie. I put it that way because I don't remember a ton about it, or even how long it's been since I've seen it. It seems unlikely that it's my favorite Hitchcock movie. How could I make such a claim when Rear Window is, like, RIGHT THERE.

This came out in 1951. Hitchcock was already a big star director by then, but most of his most well-known movies were still to come. I'm not familiar with any of the actors in this movie. Okay, let's take another look!

(SPOILERS AHEAD, of course. I'm going to describe the movie as I'm watching it.)

Farley Granger is top billed. You'd think with a name like that he'd be more famous. That's probably the whole reason he's named that in the first place. Fail!

Pretty highfalutin writing credits - Raymond Chandler wrote this screenplay based on a Patricia Highsmith novel.

It starts with this "cinematic vision" that almost feels like marketing - we see legs of people getting out of cabs with luggage, heading into a station. It's all nothin-but-legs for a minute or two until two Actual Strangers on a Train strike up a conversation.

The strangers are Bruno and Guy; Guy is a famous tennis player that Bruno recognizes. I remember enough about this movie to know that we are not wrong to find Bruno irritatingly forward as he brings up Guy's personal information that he's read about in the society section of the paper. Between this and The Talented Mr. Ripley, it seems like Ms. Highsmith had a knack for making drama out of uncomfortably doting dudes.

Eight and a half minutes in and Bruno is already starting to propose a murder of Guy's wife. It seems hasty for this conversation to have gone down this road, but it's cool that we get to this movie's cool idea so quickly. Bruno proposes killing Guy's wife in exchange for Guy killing Bruno's father. They'd both be killing strangers so it would be super hard for detectives to figure it out. Guy clearly doesn't take Bruno seriously.

For 1951, it seems surprising that these characters are so casual about the breakup of a marriage because they both have new lovers and the wife is already pregnant from her new man. I think of early fifties American culture as way too stuffy to be okay with that in a mainstream movie, but that is this movie's storyline.

Guy's wife... her appearance is kind of curious. I wonder if it looked more dislikeable at the time, but she looks like a harmless librarian. But her dialogue about blackmailing Guy to stay with her makes her unambiguously villainous.

Guy and his wife are in a heated argument in the shop where she works, and he is grabbing her and shaking her, and she looks scared! A man nearby notices and interrupts them by saying, "this isn't the place for a family quarrel!" Now THAT'S the early fifties American culture I've come to know and love.

Bruno and his mother. They are having tea or something. They are clearly tight, maybe to a dysfunctional degree. What is this household? Swanky. Bruno is wearing a silk robe. I do not understand. There's this weird thing about a painting his mother made; he delights about how it looks just like Father, and then we see it and it is some kind of abstract monster. Odd. I think it means he's nuts.

That scene ends with Bruno having a short phone conversation with Guy; Guy hangs up on him but we gather that Bruno knows that Guy's wife won't let them divorce.

So now begins what has always, for me, been the most memorable sequence. Bruno clearly thinks it is his duty to murder Guy's wife, so he follows her with two flirty young dudes to a carnival at night. I like how the lights at night look in this black & white cinematography.

Bruno is not even hiding the fact that he's following her! He just tags along behind the three of them, very visibly, and sort of smirks playfully every time she notices him, and it looks like she kind of likes the attention. Things were different in 1951.

After remaining behind her and her fellas for a couple carnival attractions, he follows them onto a Tunnel of Love boat ride. They all drive little boats along a route through the water, into and out of a cave, and to a more secluded area. There is shadow imagery in the cave that ends in a fakeout. Then there is a moment where she is alone at the secluded area and he strangles her.

There's a thing about a lighter. When Guy and Bruno were chatting on the train, Bruno noticed Guy's lighter. I didn't catch how Bruno ended up with it, but they made it very clear that Bruno has it now. And the imagery of the murder includes the lighter, as well as a stylish closeup of her glasses on the ground reflecting the murder.

0:30:50 - Bruno has shown up at Guy's pad to show him the glasses and let him know the deed is done so now it's Guy's turn. Guy is shocked, but Bruno is effectively guilt-tripping him. Guy's behavior is still pretty rational. But he's still holding onto Dead Wife's glasses. That seems like a dumb move.

Guy is now at his girlfriend's place; their chemistry is steamy, and it now seems to me like the look of Dead Wife was meant to contrast with his sultry girlfriend.

The police are investigating, and the plot kind of thickens because Guy's alibi during the murder is just a drunk guy on the train. Seems like there's enough information that he should still be okay, though, right? Hm, doesn’t look like the cops are satisfied.

More importantly, Bruno is starting to be a shadowy figure dogging Guy. One must wonder what is gonna happen… Bruno did seem to have an easy time killing that woman… has he done this before? I'm actually asking; I don't remember.

0:48:00 - Ha, Bruno went so far as to send Guy a diagram of his father's house and a key!

The next scene is cool - a relatively quiet tennis match, and the whole audience is following back and forth with their heads, but one head is not moving! It's Bruno who is just staring down Guy from the other side of the court!

Anne is Guy's girlfriend, and she is not only more glamorous than Guy's dead wife, and not only is her voice ever so sexy with its smoky alto, but she's smart enough to immediately notice that something is up with this Bruno guy, as well as with Guy's behavior w/r/t Bruno.

Oh, and then there is this strange scene - so Bruno has decided he has to insinuate himself into Anne's family's circle, which is where Anne starts to notice things. But then there is Anne's sister, who has more of a librarian look, not unlike Dead Wife… and Hitch's bold direction makes it very clear that Bruno also notices the resemblance between Dead Wife and Anne's Sister! Very strange. I don't know where it's going. I can't tell what either of them are thinking, but it's made to seem very important.

Bruno has totally created a new character for himself and is frankly being very Talented Mr. Ripley at a party where Anne's family and a bunch of fancy people are being fancy. But that goes in a strange direction… Bruno started chatting with a lady about murder, and he starts to demonstrate strangulation, but Anne's sister sees him, and they both have freakout looks on their faces, then Bruno passes out plus also he has been actually strangling that lady. I’m just reporting what I’m seeing here, folks.

Aha, we're starting to get that much-needed explanation… when Bruno and Anne's Sister noticed each other, Bruno was flashing back to killing Dead Wife because of the resemblance. And Sister noticed that he seemed to be strangling her in his mind, and she's totally right.

And Anne is such a smart cookie that she noticed the whole thing and thinks, correctly, that Bruno was flashbacking to killing Dead Wife while he was pretend-strangling the lady and seeing Sister. This one's a keeper, Guy, as long as she'll keep you.

1:04:20 - Guy and Anne seem to have an idea of how to unfuck this situation, so Guy calls Bruno and says, yeah, okay, I'll do the thing, what do I do. He doesn't really intend to do the murder, does he? I don't think the movie is actually trying to get us to think that. But I must say, I'm super glad that I don't remember how this turns out.

Oh, it's coming back to me as it's unfolding. Guy sneaks in and, in darkness and shadows, approaches Bruno's Father's bed just as if he's gonna do it, but just like we're thinking we'd do, he starts to tell the father about what's going on. But then it turns out it's actually Bruno in the bed! It's tense for a bit, but Bruno lets Guy leave, but says he's going to think of a clever way to get him back for breaking their deal. A bit anti-climactic.

Anne is endlessly proactive, I must say; just like that, she is paying a call to Bruno's mother to warn him about Bruno. But Bruno's mother is clueless. And now, before Anne leaves, here's Bruno, back in that Liberace robe. He's unloading a bunch of bullshit on Anne, trying to convince her that Guy actually did it. But come on, we have seen how smart Anne is, she's not gonna fall for that, right? Bruno references the lighter; he says something about "Guy wanted me to go back for the lighter but I couldn't do it". So yeah, the lighter stuff is coming together.

Okay, now it's going to get all tennis-y because Guy has a tennis match before a very large crowd. He and Anne have an idea about dealing with the lighter, I think, but Guy has to play the match or it will be suspicious to the cops who are constantly observing him. Oh, if only he could win the match quickly! We're watching them try for that. This is a sports drama. Do you think this movie inspired Rudy?

I think they think the lighter is actually at the murder scene, right?

WHO will WIN the TENNIS MATCH?! And HOW QUICKLY?!

1:21:20 - Wait, what was that about garments in the cab? Sister had to go get the cab ready so they could amscray right after the match, and they showed some folded clothes in the back seat. A red herring? A Maguffin? A proverbial damning lighter?

Meanwhile Bruno is lurking around, and he accidentally drops the lighter into a sewer drain! And he gets some people to help get it out, but he keeps calling it his cigarette case. Not lighter, “cigarette case”. Is that part of it? Our minds reel… the lighter! The garments! The cigarette case! The glasses? The tennis match! THE TENNIS MATCH! Oh what a tangled web.

I mock, but it is suspenseful.

You guys. Bruno got the lighter back out of the sewer. And guess who won the tennis match. Why, it was our hero, Guy! But the cops who are tailing Guy will be suspicious if he hustles away from the match to go get a clue from the murder scene, so Sister does some distracting. Also, the garments were something for Guy to change into so that the cops might not recognize him later. Now I get it. Only NOW do I get it.

None of that worked, though; the cops easily figured out that Guy is going to the murder scene.

Bruno is already there, though, at the carnival, but he wants to plant the lighter after dark. He asks a carnie what time it gets dark around here. What the carnie should have said was "dude, you're from close enough to here, why do you think you need to demand this information from a carnie?" The carnie doesn't say that, but at least he is pretty rude to Bruno so it's okay.

Is Bruno planning on tipping the police to the presence of the lighter? Not exactly sure what his scheme is.

Ooh! Bruno is spotted by someone who remembered him getting off a boat after the murder! Busted!

Oh, I don't think that's how carousels work… okay so after people started pointing at Bruno, he freaked out and fired his gun… and shot the nearby carousel attendant, whose death-collapse makes the carousel go way too fast! You know, because he slumps on the lever and the carousel thinks that means GoTooFast! And Guy is on there with Bruno! They tussle! They tussle! Fast carousel!

A heroic old carnie says he can make the carousel not spin so fast… he then goes fully prone and crawls under the runaway carousel! Why in tarnation is THAT the solution! He is an old, old carnie! Maybe it is the same one who was rude to Bruno. That means we really love this brave fool.

Bruno and Guy are still rasslin' on the carousel, plus a kid got injured. It's all so terribly dangerous, and suspenseful!

Whoa, the carnie accomplished his mission of getting to the middle area to pull the carousel lever and it totally borks the fast-spinning carousel; all kinds of damage is done, people and plastic horses and wood things go flying everywhere and it is a super bad disaster. But everything is ever so close to being resolved. Guy just has to convince the cops that Bruno, who is pinned under a pile of broken carousel components, has the lighter with him. It's kind of hard but eventually they see it in his hand. It's all over! Everything is okay.

The denouement is that Guy and Anne are on a train ride feeling terribly relieved that everything is okay, and a stranger wants to chat so they leave in a funny huff.

So that was just fine, but certainly not "the best Alfred Hitchcock movie". Definitely a really good one, though! Bruno is a unique and compelling villain, and they kept the suspense going very consistently.

Using the tools of the Age of Information has uncovered some other interesting nuggets… Bruno is played by Robert Walker, who died at age 32 shortly after this came out! He had struggled with alcoholism and mental health issues, having actually been an asylum patient at one point. He had also been married to, and divorced from, no less than Jennifer Jones. Another interesting cast member is Patricia Hitchcock, Albert's daughter; she plays Sister. Much is made of Hitch's sly, maybe-vain cameos in his movies but also sometimes his daughter had actual speaking roles. She is still alive at age 92 as I type this.

One more note is that I’m pretty sure that I saw Throw Momma from the Train before I saw this, when it was in theaters even maybe, but even then I knew it was kind of a comedy sorta-version of this, obviously referencing it but also being very much its own thing. Now I find myself probably needing to see that again.

[entity9silvergen]

Oblique- Chapter 2 (Sanders Sides Fanfiction

Previous chapter, Full Story

Story Info:

Summary: Unable to experience romantic attraction, Remus feels incomplete. Unable to feel sexual attraction, Roman feels less than. Maybe as the King, they decide, they will feel whole again. Their partners and friends, however, know this isn’t the solution and seek to help them realize there’s nothing broken about them before it’s too late.

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil, Nate, Remy, Emile, Seth, Toby, Janus, Remus, Unnamed Orange Side, Romulus, Dragon Witch 

Relationships: Logan/ Patton, Virgil/ Roman, Janus/ Remus, Remy/ Emile, Toby/ Seth, Nate/ Orange Side

Other Tags: AroWriMo, Aromantic Remus, Asexual Roman, Spider Virgil, Snake Janus, Orange Side, 7th Side, Additional Sides, No OCs, Short Vid Characters

Warnings for this chapter: Sexual themes, internalized acephobia, internalized arophobia, arousal, romantic feels, minor self-harm, intrusive thoughts, Remus

Author’s Note: There is nothing explicit in this one but there is some post sex scenes and pre almost sex scenes. Also romantic feels. I am aroace so like I don’t actually know what I’m doing, first time writing something like this, but we’re doing it. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter. It takes place prior to the previous chapter and provides more context to what’s up with Remus and Roman but is not actually relevant to the plot.

====================

Remus felt good in that way only an orgasm could cause.

It was like… like everything inside him just melted away. Everything tense and tight just washed away. It was at times like this he really felt at peace. The only times he felt at peace. With his mind quiet, he really just felt like himself. Not Dark Creativity, not Intrusive Thoughts. Just Remus.

He should go be productive. Draw something that wasn’t totally obscene. Maybe take a shower without trying to swallow the soap. Eat something other than deodorant. Trim his mustache without cutting himself. Nah, he was still going to do all that stuff. He loved it, intrusive thoughts or not.

He started to roll out of bed when an arm stopped him.

“You’re always so quick to leave,” Janus murmured, draping an arm over Remus’s bare hips. Fuck, that was sexy. Why was he so sexy? All naked and relaxed… Disheveled. That was the word Remus was looking for. His hat, gloves, and clothes were long gone, messy brown hair and scales out for the world to see. Well, not the world. Just Remus. Janus was cute when he was like this, rare as it was. Not cute enough for Remus not to have a double take at his words though.

“Is that bad?” Remus asked hesitantly, a bit more of his insecurity in his voice than he would’ve liked. He knew Janus wasn’t mad and he wouldn’t make fun of him. It was just… ugh, the post-sex euphoria was kind of fading and Remus was starting to feel bad about himself again.

Janus looked up at him, breaking out of his affectionate daze. He frowned. “I mean… no? If you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to be. Staying the night is just nice.”

“Why?” 

The question tumbled out of Remus’s mouth before he could think, like most things he said did. He felt like he shouldn’t have said that but he couldn’t help it. And he really did want to know.

“It just… um, helps with the emotional side of hooking up?” Janus ventured. Remus tried not to frown. “The romantic aspect?”

“Oh. Um, okay.”

“Okay what?”

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Remus responded and flopped back down on the bed, letting his back hit the sheets once more. Janus stayed where he was. Remus just stared at the ceiling, unsure if Janus’s touch was nice or uncomfortable. They were both all sweaty. And sticky. Didn’t people normally shower after this? Or wipe off or whatever? Normally Remus would just run around naked and the air would dry him off and he’d be good as new but that didn’t really feel like an option right now.

“You look so uncomfortable.” 

“What? I’m not uncomfortable.”

“You’re like a tree right now.”

“Unfuckable unless you want splinters?” Remus cracked, looking down at Janus, but the snakey Side didn’t seem amused.

“You’re literally lying on your back with your arms at your sides,” Janus deadpanned. He shifted a bit, resting his head on Remus’s chest. “And that’s fine but you look stressed. Which is weird because you just came and normally that makes you all loose. Figuratively, not literally, don't look at me like-”

“I’m loose in so many more ways than one,” Remus responded with a shit eating grin, wiggling a bit. Janus sighed, sounding exasperated but fond. But then Remus sobered up. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You know I don’t really mind your jokes. Or lewdness. It’s just part of who you are as a Side.”

“Not that. I meant for not being… romantic. It’s just not my thing. I’m not Roman.”

Janus lifted his head to look at him. “I don’t want Roman. You think if I wanted Roman I’d be in bed with you? If I wanted Roman, I’d be having Roman.”

Remus couldn’t stifle his laughter. Roman probably wouldn’t want Janus either, not when Virgil was so clearly the Side for him, but Janus’s confidence and self-assurance amused him. He was right, Janus probably had the swagger to seduce whoever in the mindscape he wanted. Though he may be biased.

“I don’t really care if you do the whole romantic bit of a relationship,” Janus went on, putting his head back down. “Feelings can get kind of icky. You’re my best friend and I love you, I wouldn’t change that.”

Now, Remus knew Janus said that to comfort him but it just made him feel all kinds of bad. Guilty. Selfish. Ungrateful. He didn’t like these feelings. He was the Duke! He didn’t get down in the dumps. He was just pure, unfiltered nastiness. Not whatever this was. 

He didn’t know if Janus expected a response or not but he just smiled awkwardly and patted Janus’s hair. Janus didn’t comment on how grimy his hands were and just relaxed against him, seeming to enjoy Remus’s fingers in his hair. It felt weirdly intimate to be doing this. It was nice, Remus supposed, but it felt foreign. Like he was missing something. Maybe he was missing something.

He tried to steer those thoughts away. He was naked in bed with his best friend, not fully clothed and crying in the shower alone like he normally was when these moments hit. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. He was… This was a good moment. Good things were happening. He’d just had an amazing night of mindblowing sex. His friend- partner, fuck buddy, boyfriend, whatever- had just told him he loves and accepts him. How could he be thinking about this right now?

Janus would tell him he wasn’t broken. That he wasn’t missing anything. That he was amazing the way he was. But Remus couldn’t find it in himself to bring it up right now. It was hard, not voicing his thoughts. He loved talking, spouting out every thought that crossed his mind. These ones though… He didn’t really want Janus worrying about. He already knew what Janus would say. Janus was a two-faced liar who could trick the smartest Side in the mindscape but Remus trusted him. Janus knew how to be serious. He knew how delicate Remus’s heart could be when it came to- to… He wouldn’t tell Remus anything about himself that he didn’t believe. It was just Remus who didn’t believe it.

Remus loved himself. He knew he was amazing. He loved his creations and that he could creep any Side and Thomas out. He just wanted to live his best life. But that little voice telling him something was wrong, giving him memories of a time before, would always be there.

Maybe it was time he listened to it.

=================

Roman just felt so freaking good.

His heart just felt so full. He just had so much love in him that he felt like he was going to burst. It thrummed in his chest, letting the feeling of life flow freely into his limbs. He didn’t know why he felt like this. Maybe it was because of the role he fulfilled as Thomas’s romantic facet and his fanciful side. Or maybe he was just so high on love that it got him all giddy like this. He didn’t know, he just knew he liked it. It was an amazing feeling that he just wanted to have forever. 

But all good things had to come to an end.

Virgil withdrew from him, not quite letting go but enough that Roman craved his touch again. He leaned in for another kiss, and managed to successfully get one, before noticing the look in his boyfriend’s eyes. It wasn’t… a bad look. Not a new one either. Just somewhat different.

Virgil was definitely turned on. Expected, after making out for however long they’d spent doing just that. To be honest, Roman was pretty into it too and he could feel some arousal coming in. It was an exciting feeling, one only supplemented by the rush of affection he was feeling. 

So why did he feel so uneasy?

Virgil slotted his palms over Roman’s hips and gave him a sultry look. “You want to do a bit more?”

Roman opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He didn’t know if it was from arousal or fear. He locked eyes with Virgil and nodded, trying to look eager. Virgil looked… excited? Happy? Satisfied? Something. He looked something good at his response and started undoing the zipper and buttons on his pants. Roman looked away, not really wanting to watch despite all the feelings happening down there. It was only once Virgil’s fingers were hooked around his underwear that it became apparent something was wrong.

“Dude, you okay?”

“Don’t call me dude when we’re in bed. You’ll kill the mood.”

“I’m trying to kill the mood. You look hella uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.”

“You looked away when I took your pants off and you flinched when I touched your underwear. Is that comfortable in your world?”

“I’m fine, Virge. Let’s just keep going.”

“We don’t need to do this if you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to,” Roman insisted, gesturing vaguely to his crotch which was very visibly hard through his underwear.

Virgil didn’t budge. “Having a boner and wanting me to touch you are two different things, Princey.”

Roman sighed. “I know.”

“Consent is sexy.”

Roman sighed louder. “I know, Virgil.”

“Communication is-”

“I know, Virgil.”

“Come on, talk to me, Princey.”

“You’re still killing the mood.”

“I know, Roman,” Virgil responded, mimicking Roman’s tone, before giving him a serious look. “What’s up? If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

Roman opened his mouth but, again, no words came out. How was he supposed to articulate his thoughts? He wanted to… do stuff. Sexual stuff. Touching. That sounded fun. Sex was supposed to be, like, a big thing in a relationship, right? So shouldn’t he want to do it, being the romance guy and all?

Maybe it was because sex was more of a Remus thing. Ew, no wait, he shouldn’t be thinking about his brother right now. Actually, that was a big turn off which was what he needed right now. But point was that sex was never his thing. Roman didn’t think about it much. Or at all. Should he? That was something people thought about, right?

Thinking about sex made him feel… gross. Not completely though? Thomas was a pretty sex positive guy so all the Sides generally viewed consestuall sex as a healthy part of a relationship but anytime Roman thought about sex in a more personal way, not as an abstract concept, he felt all weird. And he knew he shouldn’t. Sex was natural. Hundreds of generations of humans have been doing it. So why couldn’t he?

There was just this… disconnect. Between what, he wasn’t sure. His feelings, his body, arousal, desire, all of it. And it felt wrong. Like, it should be there. He didn’t know what it felt like but he could imagine it. He’d read about it and he could see it in his mind but when it came to the present moment, it just wasn’t there. He-

Odin’s eyepatch, Virgil was waiting for him to say something, wasn’t he?

“Can we… not?” Roman said weakly, hating how unsure he sounded. But to his relief, Virgil just nodded. 

“That’s fine. We’re not ready,” Virgil responded. Roman couldn’t tell if he sounded disappointed or not. “But I, um, I’m going to go take a cold shower. Figuratively, not literally. I hate the cold. I’m going to go jer- I’m going to go take a shower. And you can do whatever you need to do or take one after me. And then we can just hang out. Does that sound alright?”

Roman was a bit surprised Virgil seemed so together. Not anxious. He was still a bit rambly but mostly together. Maybe he was just trying to put on a face for Roman’s sake. Either way, he was grateful that Virgil was taking the lead on this one, however odd it may be for the other Side. Smiling, he nodded. Virgil returned it and wandered off to the bathroom.

But when he returned, Roman was nowhere to be found.

=======================

They both slunk out in the night, stumbling to the Neutral Zone with similar goals in mind. Consciously or unconsciously, it was impossible to tell. They were just hurting and that was enough to draw them together.

Still, they looked surprised at the sight of each other, Roman on the stairs leading up and Remus surfacing from the basement. It was dark but the red and green of their clothes seemed to stand out. They stayed silent, staring at each other wordlessly, waiting to see who would move first.

It was a third figure who broke the silence.

“Sup guuurlssss,” Remy slurred as he drifted through the living room, seeming to materialize out of nowhere. Both of the twins jumped, startled by his sudden appearance, but Remy was already wandering towards the hallway by the time they realized who exactly it was. “Go to the dreamspace if you’re going to destroy anything, bitches. Toby will be pissed if you touch his shit. Byeeee.”

The twins watched the Neutral Side walk away, his shuffle making him seem to float away in a very dream-like manner. But that was just how Remy was and they could ignore him and soon they were once again focused on each other. Remus spoke first.

“So why are you here?”

“Why are you here?”

“I asked first.”

“But I’m older.”

“Explain or I fart and wake up the whole floor. And you know how smellicious this tank can-”

“Ugh. Okay, fine.”

“Well?”

“...”

“Princey.”

“What was the question?”

“Why are you here, Prince Boring?”

“Um, well…”

“Just spit it out, brother mine.”

“How do you sex?” Roman blurted bluntly.

Remus started at him. He blinked. Once. “What?”

“How do you do sex?” Roman repeated, looking flustered. “I can’t.”

To his credit, Remus was quiet for a full three seconds before bursting out laughing.

Roman scowled. “It’s not funny! I just… I can’t.”

Remus tried to smother his laughter to a series of giggles, wiping a couple fake- or real, who knows?- tears out of his eyes. “Oh Princey! You should’ve come to me sooner! I tried giving Seth some crash course kink lessons from yours truly but Toby hit me. Really hard. It was hot. Janus let me do my whole spiel on him but it’s no fun when you’re fucking the guy you’re teaching because he already knew all this stuff when he signed up to be my fuck buddy but now that you’re-”

“Stop. I already regret this,” Roman said, waving his hands. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Poopy.” Remus didn’t actually sound disappointed, a blessing in disguise. 

“I just… can’t get into it.”

“I know what you mean,” Remus said, surprising Roman. When Roman didn’t speak, Remus continued. “I can’t do feelings. All that romantic stuff? Bleh. Not for me. But I feel bad because I think Janus would like it. I’ve tried but it just feels like it’s… not… there.”

Roman suddenly felt a surge of mutuality for his brother. He was voicing exactly how he felt. Well, not exact. Opposite, really. But he felt understood. “Do you think it’s because of the split?”

“I- Maybe,” Remus admitted with a shrug. He rubbed a finger under his nose. Roman almost reached out to stop him from picking his nose but he was just scratching his mustache. “It feels like… like… I’m a mirror. And I shattered. A long time ago. And someone taped me back together. They really tried but they did an awful job. There’s sharp pieces sticking out everywhere ready to cut your hands open so you can watch as you bleed out but the reflection’s all fucked up and you just see all the dark, awful… goop inside of you. And there are pieces missing. And I don’t know where they are.”

“They’re probably in me,” Roman said softly. “I don’t feel like-” He gestured loosely in Remus’s direction- “that. I feel like- like a mirror that broke but got put together with glue. They made something new and it’s- it’s art. But it’s still broken. You just can’t always tell but it’s real and it’s there.”

Remus nodded, uncharacteristically solemn. He was playing with his hands, like he was nervous. Roman noticed tiny cuts on his hands around his fingernails, like he was picking at them. He wasn’t picking now though, just fidgeting. Like Virgil. “Do you think we’d be whole together? As King Creativity? Do you remember if he felt normal?”

Roman hesitated. “I don’t remember. But I think… Remus, I feel so empty all the time. Like I’m only half a Side. And not just about the sex thing. I feel so- so- so-”

“Oblique?”

“Oblique,” Roman whispered. “And I want to feel normal. And I think maybe we can do that if we tried to… I don’t know, unsplit?”

Remus didn’t say anything but his face betrayed him. With decisiveness, he offered Roman his hand. And Roman accepted it.

No longer would they be broken mirrors of each other. No longer would they be oblique. Soon, they would be whole once again.

Next chapter

[dahliawolfe]

Bound

True Blood fanfic. Will follow the books more closely than the show, but it has its own time line and will definitely not be completely cannon

The red and blue lights of the passing cruiser make my breath catch in my throat. Fuck. If I get pulled over, I’m fucked. And there’s nothing that anyone, even Eric Northman, can do to get my unfucked. Cuz the contents of my trunk are pretty damning. It’s all because of him. Eric Northman. He’s the reason I’m driving around with a body in the trunk of my new car. But, let’s start at the beginning.

…

“My. My. My. What do we have here?” I drawl, slapping on a wolfish grin as I enter Merlotte’s. I haven’t been home in nearly 5 years, but I know immediately that she’ll recognize my voice. And just as expected, that blonde head pops up over the booth. She beams at me before tackling me in a hug.

“Thais Adrieux, as I live and breathe!” Sookie Stackhouse exclaims, pulling away to have a good look at me. At 5 years my senior, Sookie has always been like a big sister to me. She helped me growing up; mostly teaching me how to train my…abilities. Much like Ms. Stackhouse, I too, am a telepath. However, my powers are different from Sookie’s in that I can get into the minds of all creatures, including vampires. And I can speak to them or put thoughts in their head. Not that I do! That would be wrong, but I can, if, and when I choose.

“Hey, Sook. How ya been?” The smile on my face is genuine, for the first time in a long time. It’s been a long, hard couple of months, and I’m glad to be home.

“How have I been?! How have YOU been, Miss World Traveller?”

“I….I’ve…I’m….I’m happy to be home. Any chance I could crash with you for a bit?”

“Absolutely!” she gushes, but I can see the worry in her eyes.

“Great. Any chance Sam could give me a job again?”

“I’m sure he could be persuaded,” comes a voice behind me, and I turn to see the owner himself; Sam Merlotte.

“Sam!” I greet, hugging him tightly.

“Hi, Sugar. We’ve missed you around here. Think you can start tomorrow?”

“Hell, Sam, I can start tonight if you want.”

…

The summers in Bon Temps are always nearly unbearably hot. But we’re at the end of the season now, and the wind whistling through the weeping willows and pines is cool, and it promises the end of the heat wave will be coming soon.

I sit on Sookie’s front porch, waiting on her to come home. It’s late. Nearly eleven. I’ve just been admiring the stars and smoking the occasional cigarette here and there. I don’t smoke often, but I always keep a pack on me for when the itch gets too bad. The soft pack of Camels are resting on my knee when Sookie finally gets home. I can tell she’s bone tired. But it’s Friday night, so I knew she would be. Fridays at Merlotte’s are always busy. I doubt that’s changed in the years I’ve been gone.

Even through her fatigue, Sookie offers me a warm smile. “Just don’t smoke those things in my house,” she teases. I laugh, standing and tucking them into my back pocket.

“Scout’s honor, Sook.”

…

Sookie and I are at the kitchen table scarfing down the pizza I ordered when a voice comes booming through the house.

“Sookeh!” it booms. And my brain immediately fires the word “vampire” to the forefront of my mind.

“Shit,” Sookie hisses, catching me off guard. Sookie never curses.

I quickly stand, marching to the front of the house. Whoever had upset my Sookie was going to pay.

“Thai, wait!” Sookie yelps, quickly catching up to me.

When I reach the front room, a tall, pale man, with old fashioned hair is standing there looking concerned.

“Who the fuck are you?” I demand.

“I’m Bill Compton, a friend of Sookie’s. And you are?” By this point, Sookie has joined us too, and she quickly jumps in.

“Bill, this is Thais, my oldest friend.”

“How do you do, Miss Thais?” Bill greets. I cock a brow at him. His genteel manner is pissing me off for whatever reason.

“I’m fine. Sook, you ok with this guy?”

“I’ll be fine, Thai,” she assures with a smile. I nod and step out onto the porch.

I can’t believe that Sookie would invite a vampire into her house. Is she crazy? I fish another cigarette out of my pocket and plop down onto the rocking chair. I’m tapping my foot to the song stuck in my head when a sleek, silver sportscar pulls into the driveway and a tall, blonde man unfolds himself from inside. He walks with confidence, and he gives off an air of absolute authority. He makes his way to the porch, where he pauses, looking a me. When our eyes connect, my heart studders and a bolt of electricity shoots through my body, leaving me breathless.

“Faen,” he hisses. I have no idea what it means, but I don’t think it’s good. He then storms inside, without ever actually speaking to me.

I’m too stunned to stand, but the sound of raised voices coming from the house is enough to bring me shakily to my feet. I make my way inside, and see Sookie standing between the two men.

“Sook?” I greet in question. I’m not A1 at the minute but I’m always up for a fight.

“Thai, go wait upstairs,” she demands.

“What?”

“Now!” she implores. Suddenly, the blonde vampire grabs my elbow, making my whole body tingle.

“She is not going anywhere,” he threatens.

“What the fuck is going on?” I demand breathlessly.

“Eric, let her go. Thai, please, go upstairs,” Sookie is very, very, very angry. And that sets me on edge. I forcibly yank my elbow from the blonde vampire’s grip and fold my arms over my chest.

“Somebody needs to give me some fucking answers. Now.”

“You are my limt kompis,” Eric says, as if I’m supposed to know what that means.

“Fuck is that?!” He rolls his ice blue eyes.

“My bonded mate. You were made for me.”

…

“Therefore, you will be coming with me. Pack your things. I will wait,” he informs, taking a leisurely seat in Sookie’s armchair.

“No, she will not,” Sookie barks, before I can open my mouth.

“She will be taken care of. Given only the best. Rest assured, Sookie.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me, but don’t I get a say here?!” I yell, throwing my hands wildly in the air.

“Of course not. You belong to me,” Eric picks at his nails as he speaks off-handedly, as if it was a done deal.

I snort. “The hell I am. Come back when you can show me some respect, Blood Sucker,” with that, I make my way to the stairs. I have had quite enough shit for one night, thank you. I’m suddenly thrown over a shoulder. I yelp and flail. Who the fuck does he think he is?! “Put me down, Asshole!” He roughly smacks my ass, never once breaking his hold on me.

“Language,” he says, making his way to the door.

“Bill! Do something!” Sookie screeches. Bill steps forward.

“Now, Eric, surely something can be worked out…”

“Are you getting between my mate and I, William?” Eric asks icily, briefly pausing in the doorway.

“No. But the girl is clearly frightened. Look, the sun will be up soon, and you won’t even see her until tomorrow night. Give her one last night with Sookie. Let Sookie prepare her for you; tell her all she needs to know, and get her ready to be a good mate to you,” Bill reasons. The peripherals of my mind can feel Eric. And he’s debating with himself.

“Very well,” he finally decides, setting me on my feet and gently pushing the hair from my face and behind my ear. “I will return tomorrow night at night fall. Be waiting.” He then places a small, cold kiss in the center of my forehead and makes his way out of the house.

͠

I pace the living room. What the hell have I gotten myself into? I just wanted to come home. Sookie sits silently on the couch. I plop down beside her and run my hands roughly through my hair.

“Sook, how did you even get mixed up with vampires?”

She sighs. “Bill is my neighbor, actually. We met while Gran was still alive. We dated for a bit.”

“Fucks sake, Sookie,” I sigh.

“Don’t be one of those people,” she chides.

“I’m not. I’ve met plenty of decent vamps. But these two don’t strike me as decent.”

“They’re not all bad.”

“That remains to be seen.”

…

…

As it turns out, a new sheriff was coming to town to meet with Eric, and apparently, there was bad blood between them, hence the reason for the abrupt meeting of the two vampires at Sookie’s house the night before.

And speaking of vampire sheriffs, there are less than 8 hours until sunset, and “my” sheriff will be here to get me. And honestly, I could run. But I don’t have anywhere to go. And Eric strikes me as the kind of guy who would find me, at whatever costs. And I don’t have time for that, if I’m being honest.

͠

Sam has me working the lunch rush, and I’m up to my eyeballs in orders.

“Alright, Lafayette, I need a cheeseburger. Extra cheese. Extra onions. Extra mushrooms. Extra bacon. And a side of onion rings,” I dictate as I reach the window.

Lafayette rolls his eyes. “More like extra heart attack, Girl,” he sasses. I bark a laugh and pick up the loaded omelet sitting on the sill and place it carefully in the crook of my arm as I grab the 10 ounce Porterhouse for table 8. I drop the plates and am making my way to grab a pitcher of sweet tea when Sam calls me.

“Thai, can I see you in my office for a minute?” he asks, strained smile on his face.

“Sure, Sam,” I reply, seeing Arlene staring me down as I make my way down the back hallway to Sam’s office.

He gestures to the worn leather chair across from his desk, and I sit down for the first time in nearly 5 hours. Sam perches on the edge of his desk and looks at me. “Sookie told me what’s going on,” he begins. “And I have some friends who can help you get away.”

I sigh. “Sam, as thoughtful as that is, we both know he’d find me. And I don’t want nobody getting hurt because of me.”

“I can protect you,” he vows. I stand and wrap him in a hug.

“I’ll be ok, Sam. I promise.”

“You’ll come to me if you need me?”

“Of course.”

…

…

I walk into Sookie’s house just before sunset and fall down into her couch, sliding my white chucks off of my feet. I can hear Sookie in the kitchen, on the phone with someone, but I don’t bother getting back up. Instead, I grab a throw pillow and flop back, dozing almost immediately.

͠

“Eric, just let her sleep. She’s been working for 10 hours,” I hear Sookie’s voice as I wake up.

“I won’t wake her. Are her things packed?”

“Eric, you should let her decide. How is she ever supposed to trust you if you force this on her?” I feign sleep, intent on hearing his answer.

“It will come with time. She belongs with me. As I said, she will want for nothing.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Eric. I know you have money. Hell, we all do. But she needs more than that. She needs someone who will care for her.”

“And you do not think I’m capable of doing that?”

“Well, I’m not saying that…” Feeling waves of anger rolling off of Eric, I telepathically reach out to Sookie.

Sook, you’re pissing him off. Maybe you should lay off. I’ll be ok. I’m gonna lay down ground rules. You know I can take care of myself. She immediately responds.

Of course, I know that. I also know how dangerous Eric can be. And I don’t want you hurt.

I won’t let that happen. Even if you can’t trust him, trust me.

I feel her silently give her assent, and she audibly sighs, as I sit up and stretch.

“Hi, Eric,” I greet.

͠

“First of all, we need neutral turf so we can negotiate terms,” I demand as Eric lifts my rucksack from the bottom stair.

“Terms?” he questions.

“Yes, terms. You don’t just expect me to give up everything about myself for you, do you?”

“Of course not,” he replies, but I can see a shadow of dishonesty in his eyes.

“Don’t lie to a telepath,” I say, turning and making my way outside.

“A telepath? You are a telepath?”

“Sookie didn’t mention?”

“I believe I would remember that.”

“Yes, I’m a telepath. I just don’t want it getting around. Problem?” I turn and pin him with a  challenging look.

“No.”

“Good.”

͠

I sit a bit uncomfortably in the passenger seat of Eric’s Corvette. He drives like a maniac, and I’m a little terrified.

“Hey, Buddy, do you mind slowing down? I’d rather not die.”

“I wouldn’t let that happen,” he says simply, easing off of the gas pedal slightly.

We make it to an all-night restaurant and bar called Penelli’s, and Eric whips into a parking spot close to the door. He’s out and to my door almost before I can blink. He opens it, reaching a hand in to help me out. I use it to leverage myself out of the low car and follow him inside.

“Table for 2,” he informs the host.

“Of course, sir. Bar or booth?”

“Booth,” Eric answers at the same time I say,

“Bar.” Eric raises an eyebrow but acquiesces. The host leads us to a tall table next to the bar and hands us two menus.

After I place an order for a rum and coke, and Eric one for True Blood Type A, we put the menus to the side and look at one another.

“You mentioned terms?” he entreats.

“Yes. Look, I still need to be able to be me. I’m still going to go to work. Go see my friends. Dress how I want. Eat what I want. And live my life how I please. Taking you and your concerns into consideration, of course.”

“No work,” he states, swirling the blood in his glass around.

“Yes, work. Work is important to me. Plus, Sam is depending on me.” He nearly snarls at the mention of Sam.

“You will not work for that furry bastard.”

“Excuse me, yes I will. Sam is a good friend, and you won’t speak about him like that.”

He stares into my eyes, apparently hoping to force me to change my mind. Finally, he growls.

“Fine. What else?”

“Well, you’ve heard what I have to say. You can tell me what you expect,” I invite, taking a sip of my drink.

“I expect you to allow me to care for you. This does include me keeping minimal control of where you go. Specifically, if I think it is dangerous. I also expect you to stay in contact when out of my presence. I would like to begin transitioning you to a more nocturnal schedule. And I will expect you to live in my home. I will provide for you. I will buy you anything you desire. But you must remain loyal to me. Do these terms sound reasonable to you?”

“Yes. I think I can adapt to that.” He nods, taking a long swig of his blood.

End pt 1

Ok, guys, I didn’t want to make this multi-part, but there is sooooo much I want to do with this story, so it would have been hella long. I’ll get more up soon!

[throwingideasatthewall]

Star Wars   Episode 4;

    Destroy malevolence

Didn’t we just do that?

I’m assuming this is going to be focusing on the     aftermath of the        destruction       of  the        malevolence

And the preceding unraveling of       general grievous’s      net work

 [And several        acquaintances         probably          trying           to    break    him  out,]

Anyway...

On with          It!

       Quote;

  “A Plan is only as good         as those          who see it out,”

   Odd                 I’ve      Stopped      giving much stock        into the    quotes

 Consider ing     the last one     had a relatively good      one

 And     Is on the    lower     end    of     my     expectations

 My criticism       of this       Is a       Short    Plans can be good         But   People flawed

  The   narrator   sounds     a    bit    more   enthusiastic

 Weirdly      drawn     out      pause

But      it   does     get     the      point   across

 Allows   enough     time

“ Grievous          in       retreat,”              Honestly           Is        this       where       we’re      going        to       start

    Like       no      disrespect-         (I have the       patience)    But are we honestly going to spend the whole entire time watching Obi-Wan fuck up catching Grievous?

 That would work       with the theme         of       Jedi Masters

They make it seem a lot less   stupid

[Recap

 Also        I really like the movement on the     ship

Much     more     real istic 

       Continuing to          Hold on it       not so much

  This is like         someone     continuously          kicking        someone         when they’re         already         down

Or like a fire

 After a while      it just gets sort of    boring

 Or worrying

 And you realize they could  just     take them   into custody

 Or that the fire is starting to     envelope   nearby    forest     With       everyone      having         a bucket of     water

Obi wan, why

 Do     you   torment    so?

He can’t even   die

If so;      He’d     be dead

 I love how       Plo Koon       and       him       are          just    watching      the      shit     show      like            “Bitch”

   You know they could both take         him

  But are just that dedicated to being   sandry old man

“Commander, how much damage to the      enemy ship?”

 Have they suffered    enough?

  Also, geez dude’s been demoted it to       commander

    I mean I know he’s just       Comms Guy              But geez.         (He probably       deserved it)

Oh no,        Random     dude          On          The       ground

    Why?

 “ She’s lost primary       shields and stabilizers,”

   So shooting at it is doing      minimal damage

             “ It can take all the fire               our cannons                  can manage,”

           Okay,                    time to get you two                down there

           “ we must     summon            reinforcements,”

     Plo is slowly becoming that we          “need reinforcements”            guy

      Like          he can’t do anything           by himself

       (Except           for last           episode)

     “ That’s why          I’m here        Master Plo,”

  That’s not the right       tone

   And.....          I was kind of hoping we’d get a        Master Plo and        Obi-Wan episode

   This time       around

   Never mind the fact that         Anakin can’t take on grievous

   “ what are you able to contact              Master               (Liam Niara)                   (That’s how voice text spells it)                (I have no idea)

        “ Yes, master,”

       That’s better

    “She’s busy with a bunch of separatist         reinforcement’s nearby,”

   Bit too much     eye movement       but otherwise      good

  “ she won’t       be able to give us support till she’s turn        ing them away,”

Meanwhile         you’ve already pretty much      kill ed         him

    Guess            just         play        poker?

   Then        we’ll  have to do with what we have

   Oh now with the teenager around you’re so brave

  How’s        that going to help?

Burning

On fire

Really, no   mercy

Poor     droid     jerking   around

Ex     ploding

Perfect balance of kar       mic   pay       back

“We’ve      lost      our    primary       weapon,”

  Shit     just     continues    to                get       worse      and      worse

General     grievous      is        just              there        with his hands       in his head

Not        looking       too    great

“ The hyper drive is dis   -abled,”

It’s been disabled since last episode but good     repeating

Good      to         re-iterate

“Argh,”

“ General       general,”

   The     forward   engines        are     shutting     down

“ im   poss     ible,”

Dude,     look         around

That’s   pretty        -         heavy         denial

You     should     just     sur       -render

More Sho              -oting

 This        is       going         to         be        a         sl   -ow       ep      i      sode

Ahsoka       Managing       systems

   A not    bad role       for her

 Certain-

“ Admiral            Status-        Re        port,”

    Shit’s         fucked        once        again

    They’re           hyperdrive         must        be       damaged

    What          you         didn’t         figure          out           the           first          time          will        Obi          won         must’ve         checked

   Compulsively             For the         170th time           in the last           hour

     “This            our          chance”

It wasn’t a few seconds ago?

     “all         ships        target       the      bridge     maximum         fire        power,”

   Dude,        what       do       you      think      that’ll        do

 Grievous         is      made          out        of      pure        titanium

   It’s       like..          a      slightly         long       fall           for      him..

 Generals..     really     don’t    wanna     deal     with   Grievous’s      shit     today

Episode is     22:40      Long       Left

 All     they’re     doing       is     shooting    at     him

Grievous     Called      Dooku

“Dad      I       crashed       the     car,”

Sustained     advanced   damage

 “ I know,”

Just     dead   panned

“ I have     arranged         a       trap,”

Oohh!     Interesting

  But     Also        completely        bullshit

   Guess       this            is           his       punishment

  Being       used        as        bait

  “To     give     you      an     advantage    over       the   Jedi,”

 “ I   assure   you,”

 Please       no

You’re not compound     your failure     this day,”

 Ah, there’s       the chewing out     I was looking for

 Perfect

Continue

 “ war       ship        to       fall,”

 Oh so it wasn’t going to be a - get them sent to prison- thing

 So     how are you planning to       unfuck                 the situation

Cause      this looks pretty bad

  They will never catch me or this ship

             Bless him               he’s trying

              The expression just says                 ‘I have no idea               how’

           Like              He            knows           what’s          expected            of          him          but         has         no          idea

    How?!

   Heading       towards          you         is          a        very      important      galactic        senat        or,”

   In the middle of a       war zone

Seriously       not        a     good       time      for         a   photo     op

 “ With      her         as        a      hostage,”

  “call       off       the      attack,”

  Ok no one is calling off an      attack this important      for        a   senator

  Nor     should      be    letting      her        get    captured         ....

 *Bowing    down*

*Assumed authority*

 Blue

 It   looks   remarkably    better     this     episode             👍     Also        of        course        it’s      Padme        Amidala     Couldn’t        be        any      of      the    4000     other    senators       we     know     nothing      about              

   Really           getting       into         the      love     triangle      stuff      right        away,           aren’t         we?

  Like       why   couldn’t      we     slow     burn        it

 (I   know    she    was       in    the   movie)     But

  I     wouldn’t         mind    “Are   you       sure   the     infor   mation      from     the     chan cellor     Palpatine       is   reliable?”

Fore     shadowing!

Good    job     authors       you       get      a   cookie

“ it was secretly given to him         by the leader of the     Bank-he Clan,        himself!”

 Okay        Amidala’s          tone      kinda      works

 Could      use       a       little       more   monotone     but      it   works

   I gave Anakin like      three   tries       so       I’m     not   gonna       be    too     harsh

There        is       still       time      for      the     minimal     improve      ment        it      needs

“ if they       leave     the   separatist     alliance     it     will    go     along      way       to   shortening   this   war,”

Er-     Okay      it   makes   sense   for     her   character

 She’s sup   posed      to be   around      the same       age      as   Anakin

“Beep,       Beep,”

 “ We’re     approaching       the     system       now,”

  “Oh     shit,”

Crud

 “ my   goodness,”

  Best      Droid

 “This        isn’t        right,”

   Then        Move!

   That’s          a       droid     warship

    “We’re          in         the       middle          of          a       battle!”

   Hey,        that’s          a        smart      character

   Hyper drive out of there

  “ we’re scanning         a small ship off         our bow,”

     Get out of        there   “ Good,”

 Yeah, how are you going to get     her?

 Seeing as how  like a million warships are belting     your bow?

  I know those must be like       raindrops to him

But     come on

Don’t      go    into    the    burn     -ing      wreckage

   And       towards      enemy        fire

 Then   again     she     was     probably    heading     towards      the     Jedi        ship

   So     (as       a   civilian)       that       makes          sense

   “Master          I’m        picking           up            a         signal          near           the         enemy        vessel,”

   Tone

    Enemy     reinforcements

   That’s-            A         Good          Call

Respectively

 “ it looks like-”

 “A Naboo ship”

  “Gunners        stand         day,”

     Hey      everyone’s     competent         today!

      (Not          that         there’s           anything         wrong          with          enablers           being           stupid)

       This          just           requires          more          brain       power

   “ what          in      Blazers        are       they      doing      out     here?”

   A valid     response

  But      weren’t       they         the       ones        that        pledged        transport        ships?

  Like      oh      yeah      stupid going out into a war zone

   But     not      completely      out of the question

 “ Ahsoka      contact         that ship,”

  Bit      too      much      energy

    But       still         resp        ect           able

     Literally          coming        from        fiery        hell

     Identify        yourself

  “Padme       what        are       you       doing      out     here,”

  Cringe

   That line sounds like boomer.        What boomers think high school      jocks sound like

   And we’re like  no

  “ I       was       sent      on         a    special    mission,”

  Good      job     Writers

  The        ‘Bang he         Klan        Wanted        to negotiate        a treaty

   Good      reason

   “Get       out        of      there,”

  Too        Force        ful

   Better        Idea;        Have     Obi-Wan         try         to         calmly      explain         the         situation            to           her

      Possibly       distracting          her for        general       grievous           to       kidnap

   “ Activate              the         tractor         beam,”

     Damn        we’re       going        back         to  old old sci        Fi- with tractor beams and       shit

     I was expecting like a hook and chain,     a harpoon

   Was not expecting   that

     That        made        me         laugh

   WTF

   Tell      them        some     nonsense        is        going         on!

   “i’m     afraid       it’s        much     worse      than      that,”    Gunners          Do        Something?!

   it’s a beam; it can be broken

  “ Padme what’s happening?”

  A go- decent response

   “ i’m         being         pulled         inside        the      droid      cruiser        by        a      tractor      beam,”

   Good     Commun        ication

  Whelp,        Done

   So       at      22: 40           Rest       of        the     episode         is   hostage     situ      ation?

Inter      es    ting

 Much      Better      Than         Just      Shooting        at        it       for        an      hour

    “I will not be made a separatist bargaining      chip,”

    Initiative

    Though           Less          Emo        -tion

    Should           be       recited        like       something       she       had        to      read        off        a   paper

Guessing I’m not Padme I’m Padme’s    handmaiden  thing only works     once

Continue       your    attack

 You     must   continue-

I hope     she get some   actual action

Nothing too intense       because she’s still a kid

But like a surprise attack on     General grievous

Destroy     this   monstrous   ship

That’s kind     of      like-

How-

I saw the next frame

Wtf-

WTF

  HIS FACE JUST-

CON-torts

    You are not Romeo and Juliet   movie

    You are two kids reinacting Romeo and Juliet              clumsy

   Get it right

  “Admiral,     order      our   ships     to   stop     firing,”

 No   one’s   gonna    stop     this

 No   one‘s   gonna   comment...

Okay....

Obi-Wan      And        Plo   Koon          are        just     gone

  Left      when      Anakin      started       acting    unchild like

   Never     mind      still       there

 Nothing   suspicious      *Rubs    beard*

 Whelp

   It     does      not     look       safe       out     there      my     lady

  Screw      with      the     tractor      beam      and       leave

  No      one    can     stop   you

Droid     Related

 “I      see     now   this   whole   thing   was     a   trap,”

The     Bang’he       Clan     Works      With           The-

    I       can’t     even     make     that         joke   because       the   bang’he      clan      are   working      with       the     separatists

  Good    writers       you       out     joked      me

“ we   walked    right    into     it,”

 Pressing     buttons       isn’t   going       to   help   lady

Sir  the     republic   cruisers     have     halted    their   attack

Bit   too   much   emotion      for     a     droid     but    it   works

“Jedi     are     so   predictable,”

  Hit       him       with          a      gun

   Get        the      repair       team      up     here

  “ i’m     going     down      to       the   main   hanger,”

The arm motion was a little weird...     for ‘I’m going down to the main     hanger’

 Street    Railways?

Are we   getting *tour    the inside of the    ship??

Nice

This     ship   must     be   returned      to   Count     Dooku     intact

Nice   little   interaction

Rail      ways

There’s     no   room     for   failure

Hard       Moral

One      on   fast   speed    ing   train

Moves       over       to   another   pad

   Don’t     think     that’s   gonna   help

“Come        on     I’ve   over       loaded     the   power     system,”

 THAT’S        actually      really      clever

   Good          job     whoever        gave         that        order

    General      grievous        goes          boom

    Fighter        door       opens

    Find            a       Fighter

    And        fly        out

   * Anakin        walks          away*

       You know this would be a good idea if Obi-Wan had ordered him to do so when feeling the emotion of ‘love’, miscommunicating the concept of love, and didn’t realize that’s what he was doing -  what clues him      in

“ where do you think you’re going,”

 “ someone’s got to save     her,”

    Still too much emotion

   “I thought you might say     that,”

     Did you give him that, did you give him an        order relevant to that?

     There he goes   again

     Yeah           Someone        should         really        check         up        on       that

     Or       get    Obi-Wan         to        lay off           the       suicidal      orders

  “Craving     adventures        and     excitement,”

     No,      orders

   “ You        get         used           to         it”

Could      be     just       a     response

  But     too     much    reaction        And      Person         ality

   Oh,          Shit’s        On          Fire

   “Come on 3PO hurry,”

     Flaming wreck lady

    “not sure this is such a good       idea,”

   Neither     is       being       held      captive

   You’re made of like solid gold

 Timing

  [also the announce in the background        like a train station - just cracks me up]

  Time to get blown up

   “ Mind the gap”

   “Mind the gap”

      Haha

     You        two       come       with       me

 Command

That droid’s-

 No, wait-         It’s Amidala

   And C3PO

  He’s trying to      help

   Looks       Inside

  Beeping

   Timer

   Look     like        the   engine-         Are           Set           To -

    Timing

   “Destroy          themselves,”

     He        really        needed        them         to        say           that

   Get      out       of      my     way

 “Ow,”          You        don’t      want          to       die

   That’s         just           rude

    So         is     death

   You    should       get       out        of        there

    He’s        going               to       come         back        around

   Geez

   Fire squad         is a train         wreck

    They’re          Trying

      Crud      if this gets back to      Skywalker          and        he      thinks       she’s      dead

  After        That     Speech

  Who knows what toxic morals of love         Obi-Wan taught him         could activate

  This could       become     a train      wreck

 Ahhh!

 It got      worse

Seriously       who made the droids that have to        with      stand       high    water pressure          Light weights

   Oof

  Even high water pressure        cannot kill him

  Even running away      cannot save him

 Wonder     what that attack       would’ve done

 Sound the alarm

 “We have stowaways,”

   Or...

   She was never on that   ship

   Seriously      no one besides the republic      saw her 

I’d go with “she isn’t on board,”

   Run

Back     to the        republic ships

   Who are doing       nothing         while grievous rebuilds

    Like,         The medical station is   right there

    You might want to get back       on moving     them

Just Saying

  “ i’ve trusted you already formulated a brilliant   plan to     rescue     the      Senator,”

 “ as a matter of fact     I have,”

 Umm,

Weird        How to     Code     that

“ what do you have a Plan B               Every     good plan has a back up,”

  Stop        forcing his    dependence on you

 “ I don’t   have a back up   yet,”

  Too     much    emotion

 Really

 Questioning

Not really   helping his   self-esteem

Really “ we’ll sneak behind them and dock at the emergency air     lock,”

   So I’m guessing this is going to set up     Padme     going       there

“ That’s       your        plan?”         Discouraging

“Fly     land,”

That’s literally what all maneuvers     rely on

Also     it       sounds       like   something     out      of       a     fairy     book

  Which        might        explain      Anakin      toxic      behavior

  “ Walk        in         the        door,”

 “Basically,”

    Too      much       emotion

  “Oh     Brilliant,”

  Dick

 Firey       Wreck

 “ Might I suggest we keep     moving?”

   Bit       Loud         There            It

   “ I think        I hear      battle droids   approaching,”

  Talking         is      not     helping

 “But      we also need to contact         the fleet,”

     Getting out is the prerogative

      They don’t know where you are

       And you can’t stay in a constant       location

       If I can just keep this        com panel working

     Ahhh!

Well     just      disappeared

 “The Damage to the hyper drive       was not as bad as        we first        thought,”

   How?!

  It’s been     damaged     for about    two episodes

 Also, Good for    Her

“ We’ll be able to get underway again shortly,”

  With this   mess of a ship

   Hyperdrive would send half of it flying

   It’s barely holding together by a      string

   You’re     screwed

 I must inform count     Dooku

 Seems     oddly    suspic.

Continue the search

 Find the     stowaway 

  How does    that change anything      in Amidala’s eyes

 Getting     to know the boss     isn’t worth it

Just be more careful

  Roger, roger

  Commander

 Intimidating

  *Spark*

  Oh        She       Was          In          A        Cabinet

   Thought         she       made           it        in

  C3PO        Looks      creepy       in      one     frame

   Shit’s        Constantly          on         fire

    “If they spot us        we’ll be pulverized,”

     With what guns??

     You’ve been doing all the hitting           this entire time

     They’ve been sitting         Geese

     “They’re            too           busy repairing the ship,”

       Thank you

       [also Obi-Wan              complainers rules]

       “ They             don’t                   have              time                to             notice              us,”

         Cocky

        Subtlety               has            never            been             one              of             your            strong             points             Anakin

Neither        Yours            Person           who           orders            him!

“ Everything       I     know       I      learned     from        you     master,”

  Point       Yes      Attitude?     No

   Oh       if      only      that      was      true

  Should            Be

   Might         be          a              side           jab              at           how           he          took          orders           from            the        Chancellor

     There          we          go

     Only      Obi-Wan        was          worried

  “Didn’t         You         Hear       It,”

    Your        circuits          are       loose

    Or       maybe       you’ve       lost       your   hearing

From        the   impact

 “ No      one’s        crazy      enough           to        do         that,”

    Cut

  “Anakin”

   Perfect

 “You’re        Crazy,”

   You   groomed      him      this      way

“ spinning           is          not       flying”

    “But          it’s          a      good      trick,”

   Too     much   emotion

   Do      not     want       to       be        spotted

   Good       job

   You’re      standing        more        in              the       doorway         than         he          is

    “I knew it it’s them,”

     That droid       is just having a day

      Aww              But his        friend came down           to check           with him

    That’s adorable

    Oh no

   They’re backing off       peacefully

 ASSHOLES!

Obi-wan     specifically

   You stay here           R2

  Again     why did you bring him

  Another        bold strategy by -

     Say Skywalker

     ‘Skywalker’

      Ordered

     “I presume,”

    No, Obi-Wan’s 

 When it’s not Palpatine’s

    “That’s my master”

           Children               don’t                show          preference                  for            handlers

      “ once they rescue the Senator we will need to reinforcement to finish off the enemy

    Sounds nonsense           but OK

          Dude             really              Likes         enforcement’s                 “ i’m on my way,”

       “Master Plo”

  “ We’re receiving a transmission,”

    Padme

Weird distance to start a conversation at

Running for some reason

 “ Master          we found the     senator,”

   Good

“ We’re patching       Her through,”

 Helpful...?

  What       is       it       with    Skywalker      and   becoming         a     Barking        over-   animated     Puppet      Every      time     senator       Amidala      gets     involved            ?

“Anakin       where       are       you,”

   Better;        where        are      your    coordinates

    “ On       lower      levels,”

   Better       but      where

   “I don’t          know,”

    Give a better location

     For how long

     Problem with this whole plan

      Give Landmarks

      Get to the     rendezvous point

     “Obi won and I are on board too,”

     Better; get to the ship on level ____ on your ___ side                 Optional; Closest landmark ____

             We’ll meet you   there

           What what are you doing?

           Not the best point to      argue

       Ahsoka, how can we get to the senator

     Better how can we both get to the escape pad?

    In case   we both get separated

    Taking longer to coordinate       that complicated-

    How long till they get separated?

    Center of the ship

Half way between the two of you

 Neither      Ahsoka gave neither

   Bad instructions

“ we’re on our way

    To a very unspecified point on not   specified level at a not specified   time

Let     the hijinks   commence

 “ Did                    you hear that                                    Padme?”

You’re on the same com

 “ i’ll be there,”

   Some-how

The question    to my answer was       22:40

  When do the Hijinks begin?

   Let’s             See

Marching      Intimidated 

  “we just detected        An unauthorized communication          Coming from within the        ship,”

    Shouldn’t he be making a phone      call?

  “ what did it           say?”

  Interesting

Well      we don’t know

 That’s how encoding works

 We didn’t catch it in   time

 Off

 Droid     winces

Monitor     all internal     communications

Like they’ll do it again

I want   that senator    on this bridge

Good   luck with that

You haven’t   even   saw her

Rail-ways

Nice

Busy

Should be a cakewalk

Is Not a cakewalk

All the way up there

“I do not see her,”

 Yeah, that’s the problem-

 She’s here master

I sent it

Or you got the wrong port

(So you heard her voice     so she’s clearly somewhere on this ship)

 He’s probably late again

But we do have company of another sort

Oh        She has a gun

  And somehow none of that hits     her

   And of course that gets the attention

    I’m honestly glad they didn’t go with miscommunication          Causes        fake stand up         scenario

      Even if this is         faux       Romeo and Juliet

     Good job

    Lots of       jumping

    Look     Jedi

    Good job         nice guy

    No wait         That one       guy had     common sense

   “I knew that was a bad idea,”

    Mercy

    That you didn’t show on the other      guys

    Who       were far more hesitant

     And you took out that    one guy

    Who didn’t do   anything

     Just wasn’t as  vocal

     Dicks

    Jump The peashooter      isn’t doing the job?

   Jump

 He tried

  Power      Thrust

  Ana       kin

“ There.      they          are!”

    Bull         shit

  No way     

he saw those guys

 On all those     Packages

 Also       ‘the i knew     It was      a bad     Idea     Guy       Got     New     Friends

“Fire!”

Fuck

The   bridge     is     out

“Jump     to me,”

 Try       it   with     a     little    bit     more         disinterest

“ I’ll use the force”

Even she realizes it’s not that     intense

  “ You have to trust me,”

    Good Luck

  OMG

 It looks like     she just      falls

Also Obi-wan’s in the back   like     it’s none of my business

Like dude came on a rescue mission      And     has become completely useless     never helped   once     Complained  the whole way   there

Manages

“Got you,”

“ NICE    CATCH,”     Obi  -Wan from the sidelines

    10/10        Hilarious

“ I’ll fetch the droid,”

   What??

       No

This          isn’t                   cute

     Disgusting

“Oh the things you do to get me alone,”

   KIDS don’t-

    Ack-

Please      no     more     smoopy-

nope

I’m     putting   it in     the    “bad”    corner      Till       it   stops   trying     to     ship   children

  Bad    Movie

 That’s          Not     Cute

Obi-wan             Sucks

   Can’t      even      levitate        A       Droid

  “Stop         me       please”

    Poor        Droid

    Blast          You’re            Weak

     “ That’s           not           good”

         Yeah             you’re               weak

          “Anakin               I got            separated                from                your                  droid,”                  Thank                   God

                 I’ll                   take                  care                    of                      it

             Better                             “ We’ll                   meet                      you                      back                        at                     the                    Twilight”?

                 “ I                overheard                 grievous,”

            Annnnnd

     “ They’re hyper-drive             is nearly fixed,”

       Soooo, He better get you back to the      ship so we can start blasting it with Cannon balls again?

“ i’m already headed in that direction,”

  Soooooo, don’t do it, Obi-wan?

  Or have Anakin and take the extremely important senator       And come back for you later?

  “ i’ll make sure the   hyperdrive stays off line,”

  By shooting it with more cannon-balls?

Ha ha Ha ha ha

  We’ll see about that

 What?!        Person who can do nothing!

 Like seriously if they just go back to the ship-

  That Jedi

“I’m getting you out of here,”

  Good decisions

 “I need you to help me find 3PO,”

 How?

“ I know I know     he does,”

 Padme’s        expression

“And       i’ll be there     soon,”

  That’s        almost       adorable

       Oh          like          that

‘Someone stop this contraption,”

Careful        Words

  Yeet

There        We          Go

  Into      those      boxes

“ I       suppose             I did ask for that,”

Ha-he

   That got a small giggle   out of me

 Stomping

  Bait

Murderous        Intent

 Get        Fucked        Obi   Wan

Really    rolling out all the stops

Hahaha

 “ Hello there,”

 [Took a pause.   a long break]

  General Kenobi

“ kill him,”

Straight.       To.     The.       Point.

More in line with the characterization we’ve seen up so far, not that much for conversation

Dude’s       just rolling

 There        went the others

 Bowling    pins            they          are

Oh     grievous   has     a     gun

And   hiding behind the enemy

Thought     he sent     both those     guys flying

Apparently     I was wrong

Must’ve        Been        a       Third

 Ha

Didn’t     Work

Yeet

That    poor      Droid...

 Spark*

  That        was        impressive

    Nah      he        ran      around      things

It really set up your forces for a     brawl among       them selves

“Argh,”

Dude,   how   insecure

“ Guard         the         hyperdrive,”

Oh     yeah       he      did      shit        to         it

  Also   sending     basic       level      mooks        to     deal     with        it

Shooting         Things

 Again       how      did   Anakin         and   Padme     end      up     in      the    situation?

 They      were      at      the     train    station      last

  Now         they’re         at??

 And       have      agroed         every       enemy

  Who      should       be     focusing       on    Obi-Wan   because 

  That        was        their     last        order

   Grievous      has      just         completely       ignored       Anakin

 Hiding

 You          aggroed              Them!

  Why      are        you      calling       Obi -Wan

“Come in     Obi-wan,” 

 Get     her     to       the shuttle

“ i’m afraid     grievous     is onto     us,”

“We      noticed,”

 Hey   you guys Aggroed those guys completely on your own     don’t blame Grievous   for this

“Ack,”

Those      are      Tanks

 You’re  peashooter     isn’t going       to       do       much

 Also,          Anakin      shouldn’t     be     able       to      take     them   either

This           should       be        a     properly     terrifying     moment

“ We’ll           meet      you     back        on       the     twilight,”

Good     plan

“Obi-   Wan!”

Writers      don’t     screw       this        up

 “Come     In,”

 His   communicuff     clearly    got   damaged

What’s      wrong?!

 They’re       jamming      all     communication

No again   it’s far more likely that his       communicuff        Got     Damaged     (Especially   with      Grievous      listening        in,”

Not everything is     jammed communi         cations               Yeet, yeet         Yeet

That     should    not     work Those        are     tanks

Anakin   is        a     lightweight

His skill set is     unspecified

But     he shouldn’t  be able to cut more than     butter with that knife

Light wieght     clankers     should   pose    a   challenge

Due   to   the   amount   of   energy

  “That    might      buy         us      some         time

   Unlikely

   I       suppose         you        have          a        plan      Yeah,          Get           to            the         escape         pad

     Follow            Me

    ...To          the          escape           pod

      C3PO             I do believe           I’m lost

       Seriously            you           haven’t           found              this             guy

       Enemy          Territory

       And           all            alone

       You’re         a           service            droid

         Probably             wouldn’t              notice              anything

             “Ah,”

             Dude, they’d probably just adopt       you into the clan

            “ I surrender,”

            ��  Again I really want to see the C3PO and battle droids     conversation

               (When not aware of the other side)

 It’s      a projector...          R2 D2

    “ you are a sight for    old eyes,”

      A nice   interaction

“ Master     Anakin         sent       you          to       find        me,”

  “ what        kept           you        then?”

     He      does         have         a       point

    Dude     got   thrown      off      the     train    about      an     hour     ago

R2′s      just been messing with him

“ follow me,”

“ The general        is demanding     a        status report,”

Oh some driod on droid    interactions    (without   the    general)

 Nice

Is    the    hyperdrive   re-paired         Yet

  From     there?

“ i’ll     give     him     the   good   news,”

This   isn’t   the       escape     pad

Did   you   take   a   wrong    detour?

Also    no   one   guarding   the   super   important    one   panel   repair

Just       Light weight    clankers

   Also that’s not   good news

  (Especially considering       it’s one panel)

   Surprised     this goes      so well

Also;      now     there’s      tanks

  Surprised you think that peashooter can do anything   ma’am

   Like seriously   should’ve grabbed a bigger gun

  The   droids     have     some

  And      you can’t tell me       there       hasn’t been artillery     laying around    this     entire       time

   Yeet

  That almost-      Turned into murder                 This is why not going to the escape pods      immediately    was       a      bad      idea

  Again          this       should        be         a      stressful        fight

But turning your child soldier       Into an all powerful      can never lose       child soldier

 Is bullshit       movie

 Opened   Door

  “Ever since I’ve known you       you’ve been playing       with droids,”

  Ack

 “I used to put them together,”

  Alright...

 Now I only take them   apart      Child soldiering...

  It sucks

So,    where do we start

GETTING TO THE ESCAPE PAD!

Obi-Wan      supposed to be here                               any minute!

With whole lot of     bullshit!

   Move!

First we need to get one of these     droids so they don’t know we were here

No destroy the thing and     go

They’ll figure it out in like   five seconds

When they go to start the thing     up!

Running is a good   option

“I’m gonna     hot wire   this ship,”

How does       this make       anything            better?

 He’s already down   and       in kicking position

  Everyone’s waiting for Amidala

 You’re not helping, good sir!

  (In fact I’m pretty sure   you’d have to fix something       To make     it go,”

Secondly,      This is a     HUGE    -ass ship

As a reason it has an   electrical team

Squeezing two little   wires

Isn’t going to do       much

It requires continuous effort   to different parts of the ship       To make a dent

And I truly doubt     such   a large ship is going to have such a     non-complicated        Start-up     compared   to hotwiring     a car

Point being;     this shouldn’t work

Give      Grievous      a little surprise

Again    if it’s anything less     Then a      bomb

 Dude isn’t   gonna have   much             trouble

And    this      is       a         waste       of      time

I’ll guess     I’ll clean up the droids   then

LITERally im   possible

That’s     a      tank!

 You   carry   light     weaponry!

Back     to    the   fleet

Plo           Koon         Is       doing     nothing

Having     tea   and   cookies   with     Ahsoka

Our     ships   are       in     attack     position

So...    nothings   changed

“Master     Skywalker,”

  No      one        else      either

   “No,”

Deadpanned

 “ The      droids        are     jamming      our     transmissions,”

(More   likely   reason     for     that      on       a       -damaged     ship)

But      Ergh-

“We need to give him more     time,”

 Opinion!

“ i’m sure we can,”

I’ve been sitting on my ass-         

  [Plo’s            Head        Moves     -Railway]

   We’re         back         here      again?

   Obi-Wan         should         be         at        the     station        by         now

    Everything         is       behind        him

   Yeet

   Yeet

Make it to the   Coms   center

Break      Some      Shit

Oof     Those       Poor     Droids            Good      Pa     rell       els

  Splat!

 Obi won    looking   back-and-forth

 Obi-Wan       you       are        a      Jedi     master       this      shouldn’t       be     hard

  Run

Tum   ble

I was fully planning on   him   stacking it

Roof

Also, Obiwan

  Stop fecking         Around

  Get to the   place

  Woof

How

Did you   end up   falling over?

Ironically Obi-Wan    shows    less    emotion    than     Anakin

* Slashing      the       train*

 Okay...     what     did     I   do

Snarky        little     shit

 Could        be     snarkier

 “That         oughta    do it,”

Ana     -kin      Doing      Obi-wan’s          Job

 Also   Oh     shit      is he       plugging           in       the            location         of         that       supposed          fight           with           master-

How’s the house cleaning going-

 Im-

 That dude made out of     -metal

  He is     FIVE    times     your   bodyweight!

 HOW?

 Done?

 You     MOVED         a     Tank??

HOW-

 That’s-

What       ever

 * Guys       coming            in*

    Oh   yeah       that’s         a       door

       I         guess       repairs         are       finished

Or       they went       on      lunch       break

   Prepared        to charge        up the hyperdrive

     Right on it

“Roger, Roger,”           -famous last words

   Sparking

 Driving

  Are we      seriously      waiting     on   these   two

“Are      you   quite   sure   the   ship       is       in   that   direction?

He’s   basically   a   GPS

That     way    looks   potentially   dangerous

All   of    them   do

 “Haz       ardous,”

 Better   Example     beeping   irritatedly

“I know       the whole     place      is    dangerous,”

  Thank you   R2-     D2

“ I   suggest   we       stay   here   and    let   master   Anakin   find   us,”

Bad     idea

A better idea than anyone in the ‘let’s meet up in an undisclosed location’ came up with

Good idea

3PO

Fecking   Irony

“Don’t    just   stand   there,”

See?

“Let’s      get    back     to    the   ship,”

Irony

Power          up   the   engines     R2

You know   Obi-Wan’s     likely going to screw up your shit   right

*obi-Wan     comes     around     the   corner,*

Dude you have shit to     screw up    

Did you forget?

There shouldn’t be an     escape pod   for you

What

Hold the   ship

No, you didn’t do     anything...

Then again he could just     cannonball   it

How’s that- 

Okay     Very light   bullshit

“ i’ll   contact    the     fleet,”

It’s   the   most   you’ve     done   this   entire   time

Focus      On         The     chair

Do        cking      Clamp

There     We       Go

 Off        We     Go

 It’s       still   Burning

Grievous        Off

Why?

He doesn’t know   

Obi-Wan’s off   the ship

Last   saw   him   on   the     train...

(Not     followed    up     on   directly)

Flighters,   Where        I thought they all got     destroyed?!

All batteries   open fire

Again     Plo Koon does not give a shit       who dies

(Until sitting on his ass gets        too   boring)

Also    this isn’t his fleet

They shouldn’t listen to   him

(Especially after he got his last one   killed)

More       Shooting at the   burning     wreck

Turb      ulence

And     Obi-Wan   still    didn’t   do        his     job

Guns

You can       shoot back   at any time

“ I wa-”

Obi-wan      being   completely       useless

Anakin       having       too     much     emotion

“I   got      it,”

Shoo   ting     stuff

Somehow       doesn’t    go   down   immediately

Hit

“ She     seems     to know   her way   around,”

Gross

Hit     Something

The      Hyper       Drive

-repaired

Also   Obi-Wan   didn’t   fuck   up   shit 

Dis     appointed

Also   it   certainly    as   frick   isn’t   now

After   they’ve   been   shooting

Should we retreat     to   friendly    space?

If You can make there it with it in     one piece      (Which    was    the   qualifications)

Engage     the   hyperdrive

With   me   not   on  it

“Secret base      sector four,”

Interesting

“Prepare-”

Enthus iastic

“Yes,      Sir,”

Fighters      still   chasing

Intense

“Nice   Shoot,”

 Gross

“Beginners     luck,”

 Beeping

“Pardin-”

“Hyperdrive   is   activating,”

Obi-Wan

“ Oh-shit     Caught in a   lie.”

“-what”

-They’re getting hit with cannonballs     Anakin what did you do   ?!

(What Did      I    order you    to do?)

Coordinates    are   locked

“Hyperdrives     engaging,”

  Shit’s     about       to    go-

Ar-

Sp-       arking

Glitzy     display         Base

“ I think   there’s     a   problem,”

“General     I think     there’s a problem with the   hyperdrive,”

Yeah       The ship got refired     upon     it’s probably       re broken

Seriously

“ I thought     the hyperdrive     was fixed,”

And then it got shot again...

The navigate computer is heading a straight into the   moon

What        ??

Fools       reset the           Navi         computer

“Quick,”

Tech    Support

Dooku

Worst         time      to     call

(Don’t       think     it     could’ve       gone       more       sideways)

Also good job         Anakin         You crash landed them       on a planet         with significantly larger surface area       and resources     that they       can             use      to         re-build

 Aka              you made things harder      than they needed to      be

  Obi-Wan,        what are you     ordering       this kid

Narrowed eyes

-No     reset       it

“General,”

 Harsh

But I’m interested         in where this is going

Since        Grievous           has          had           a lot of       shit thrown at him

Doesn’t matter     which side of      enablers         he still enabling

 But          I suppose        over involved         positivity            Would be            kind of a nice      change          for         him

 Over         over involved           negativity

 Speeds         off

“Trans         -mission         Has          been          cut,”

  Intentionally

* also      smart        droid

“ We’re     Gonna         die

[Explosion]

 How?!

Whelp       Obi-Wan has to have a sit down talk with Anakin.    about the ‘ Drive the         ship into the moon,’ order

Also I realized      (thanks to Obi-Wan)     they know nothing about what just     happened         Grievous           either             decided         to        just       end          it 

or they’re all dead

Obi-Wan

 Dick move

“ I imagine        you had           something       to do       with that,”

WTF- orders

“ all part of       the plan,”

Obi-Wan schooled       Anakin in      extraterrestrial terrorism

Cheering     at least the ion cannon     isn’t coming back

Nice shot

           ...So Destroy Malevolence

               I have to say      I really like this episode

 Despite the plot      stretched thin

        There was a noticeable increase in the quality of       animation

        The child characters were     good 

The other characters were a lot more consistent  And a lot       smarter                               

[danetobelieve]

Second Chances || Ricky and Winston

Winston had exhausted all means of avoiding going home. In that time there had been many new developments, least notwithstanding that they were starting to wonder if maybe Ricky wasn’t as insane as he sounded. But they at the same time were convinced that there was a perfectly rational explanation for all of this. If hundreds of thousands of wildebeast could spontaneously migrate across southern africa, then surely puddles of blood and giant crab things weren’t that out of the question. Either way, they slipped their keys through the front door and stepped into a thin layer of bloody water. Great. They had forgot about the flooding. “Ricky?” they shouted cautiously, slightly terrified that maybe this wasn’t just flooding. After all what other weird things could’ve happened.

At this point Ricky was reasonably certain Winston wasn’t coming back again. It’d been a couple days, they’d blocked him on the town website, and there’d been radio silence from texts. It was… more upsetting than Ricky felt it should have been. But he’d really liked living with Winston. So he’d lapsed back into his old ways; no dentures, and only rarely a shirt. Bachelor life at its finest. Which is why he was taken a little by surprise when he heard Winston’s voice in the entry hall. He’d had the music up load so he hadn’t heard the door open and he’d been too distracted attempting to scrub clean the dining room floors. The house had amazing hardwood floors and Ricky was determined to salvage them from the staining flood that ravaged the town. “Dining room.” He called back, mirroring the tentative tone of Winston’s greeting, reaching to turn down the music blasting from his small speaker, “Floors are fucked. I’m attempting to unfuck them.”

Stepping through the flooded house, Winston found that some of the house Ricky had already tackled and as usual done a really good job. Winston suddenly felt guilty, they should’ve been here helping their friend. Sighing, they shouted through to Ricky. “Hold on I’ll change and help,” running upstairs they quickly changed into clothes that they didn’t mind getting ruined, ditched their rucksack and headed back downstairs. Ricky was back in his element, though the little droplets of bloody water splashed across his body were … a look. Swallowing, Winston polished their glasses absent mindedly as they surveyed the room. “What do you want me to start on?” they asked, reaching under their sink and pulling out a spare bucket and some more rags and sponges. 

Before Ricky could stop them, Winston had vanished upstairs to change into work clothes that they didn’t mind getting dirty. Ricky heaved a sigh and pushed himself up from his position on the floor, grabbing some smoked salmon from the plate on the counter and wolfing it down. There was a brief moment he consjdered going and getting his teeth, but, that cat was out of the bag, and he was more comfortable like this. When Winston reappeared he directed them to the opposite side of the dining room. “It’s mostly dry over there. So if you can start scrubbing. I’ve got a bucket of clean wet sand I’ve been using. Don’t at me it’s good and natural and these floors are vintage as fuck. I’m over here seeing what I need to sand down and what’s too warped to save.” He bent back to his work, pushing loose curls back over his shoulder, “you been doing okay?”

Winston frowned at the idea of using sand to clean a floor, but this was their first rodeo and it apparently was not Ricky’s. They were happy to do as instructed and it was good to see Ricky. They weren’t best friends, but they had a tight bond and not talking to someone stung. Almost as much as the fact that Ricky might’ve known more then he was letting on and not told Winston. Though they were sure there was a good reason for their friend withholding this information. “Why is sand good for this shit?” Winston asked as they grabbed a handful of sand and began to scrub the wet grit into the wood. “I would’ve thought a rag would be better,” after all that is what they had gone for originally. They gazed at the floor, scrubbing in silence for a moment before eventually replying. “Sort of,” they paused for a second, “the … ghoul, it uh, it wasn’t the only weird thing that’s happened recently.” 

“You need the abrasive.” Ricky paused again, leaning back against the kitchen counter, “but this house is over a hundred years old. I’m not going to use caustic chemicals to try to clean the stains out. That can damage the wood more than the stain itself. It’s how they used to clean it, back when Dee’s family first built the houses.” He went back to work, listening to Winston talk. Frankly he was shocked by their use of the word “ghoul” as it implied an admission that he didn’t think they were up to yet. “You mean the blood puddles? I had my own misadventure with something weird this week too.” He thought back to Kaden and the karkinoid shuddering at the memory. “Hit me. What happened. You get hurt? You don’t wanna get scratched or bitten by some of this stuff.” He was suddenly acutely aware of the fangs that flashed white when he spoke and bent down to his work, keeping his face away from Winston. 

Raising an eyebrow, Winston couldn’t help but think that there must be an easier way to do this. But they weren’t sure that starting that argument with Ricky would be a good idea. They hadn’t really resolved their last fight. Winston gazed at their hands which already had sank caking them, they sighed before setting back to work, scrubbing at the stains and hoping this was a weird dream. “Just a bunch of crazy animals like going wild, though they’re not normal either, one of them had bright red eyes, another one breathed fire…” they swallowed and sighed. “I don’t know, maybe it’s just the stress of a traumatic event, your brain wants to create a narrative that makes sense and it warps perception or something.” They knew it sounded like a lame excuse, but they weren’t ready to come to terms with what was slowly beginning to dawn on them. That meant that they may well have a place in this nightmare world of fairytales and Winston simply wanted to run for the hills at that prospect. 

They seemed to be embarking down a course of conversation that had previously been barred to them, and Ricky didn’t want to do anything to startle them away from that. Now that Winston knew something was up, it would be safer if they knew as much as they could. But too much at once would just serve to make them throw their walls up again. “Red eyes and fire breath. Not really stuff I’m acquainted with to be honest. Me and mine… we’re more about water and what’s down there. Which isn’t great right now. Which also reminds me… don’t ever try to save a drowning person unless you’ve seen them fall into the water. If you notice them in the water but didn’t see them fall… leave them.” Happy with the section of floor he’d been working on he moved a little ways down, scrubbing at the beautiful dark wood trying to get the red stain off, “That…. Is an explanation. It’s certainly viable. But… this is White Crest. So I don’t think that’s the case.”

Pausing for a second Winston leaned back on their knees and used their wrist to wipe their forehead. They’d been attempting to avoid getting any dirt on their head and had managed to fail rather spectacularly. “You keep talking about me and mine and you said that shit earlier about people hunting you if they knew you had weird teeth,” Winston looked at Ricky, they swallowed, honestly they weren’t sure that they really wanted to know more, “what the fuck is all that about?” Curiosity killed the cat. “Also, I’m not going to not save someone just because I didn’t see them fall in, it sounds like you’re being paranoid. What if they just fell in and got washed down stream or something?” Ricky was definitely acting weird. “What does that mean too? You keep talking in these weird cryptic riddles, acting as if you’re aware of something I don’t know…?”

Ricky stopped working entirely, dumping his rag in the bucket and leaning against the dining room wall. This was, if ever there was one, a crossroads… and it seemed like whatever he said next and however he said it would determine a lot of things about his relationship with his roommate. “I can tell you a lot of things. Matter of fact, I’d like to, because now that you know something… it’s safer for you to know everything. I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you my little corner of it all. But I can’t believe it for you. You… you have to decide whether you want to try to explain away what’s around you, or see an explanation that’s not run of the mill.” Sighing he scratched his cheek before smiling as widely as he could, baring his teeth for Winston to see. “They don’t want my teeth. They want my skin. That’s the valuable part of me.” He shook his head, cutting off Winston’s retort before it could arise, “Not this skin. My real skin. The easiest way to say this is just to say it. I am not human. A pretty solid percentage of this town isn’t, if I had to guess. But I can’t speak about them in certain. But I can about me. I’m not human. I wasn’t born human, and tides willing I won’t die human. This is a shape I can wear… but it’s not the one I was born in.” He let out a long sigh, somewhat shocked at how much he’d been willing to say that quickly, “And now I’m going to sit and scrub and let you mull that over and ask your questions.” 

That was … a lot. Winston was staring at their hands, which were covered in sand. They tried to process everything that Ricky was telling them, but the truth was it was a lot. First of all they hunted Ricky for their skin, but not their human … skin? That was weird right, if it wasn’t for their human skin then what sort of skin could they be searching for? The mere fact that Ricky was trying to tell them that he wasn’t human seemed laughable. “Well, if you’re going to tell me anything, then you might as well tell me everything because if there is apparently this world that you’re … telling me about then I need to be prepared for it and maybe we should be telling the rest of the people of White Crest about it so that they too can make sure that they’re safe. There are some weird things happening and they should be ready.” Winston wondered if everyone else in White Crest was experiencing beams of light erupting out of their hands. They scrubbed hard for a few minutes, allowing the silence to envelope them in their thoughts. The implications of all of this were staggering, Winston wasn’t sure whether they were really ready to accept any of this. But it wasn’t as if they had much choice. “If this is a shape that you wear but it isn’t the shape that you were born with, then ... what is the shape that you were born with?” 

As far as reactions to the revelation that your roommate wasn’t human… it seemed like Winston was doing pretty good. “To be fair, I think a lot of people know at least a piece of the puzzle. I don’t think there’s anyone who knows everything. But. White crest is a weird fucking place.” Ricky stood, momentarily steadying himself against the counter as his legs wobbled slightly. He poured two good measures of a smoky whisky he’d been given by a client, setting one down in front of Winston if he wanted it. “Simply put. A seal. Hence the fangs. More elaborately put…” the whisky burned in a peaty smoky comfort as he sipped it and he shook his hair loose, “I am a subspecies of therianthrope. A shapeshifter. I’m called a selkie. We’re sort of like werewolves. But our change is voluntary. And whereas a werewolf is a person who can change into a wolf. We’re the other way around. I’m a seal who can choose to look like a human. But. If I don’t change every other week at a bare minimum I’ll die. I’ve never seen it happen. But by all accounts it is horrific.” Another sip of whisky as he waited for Winston to mull his answer over. It would be a long night. 

Appearances could be deceiving. This entire ordeal was sending Winston into a tail spin. Their heart was racing and they were beginning to truly wonder what the fuck was actually going on. “I mean yes, of course it is a weird place, the combination of cosplay freaks and the weird proportion of furries has always been self evident, but you’re trying to suggest to me that this is some fantasy shit. This isn’t a game of D&D Ricky!” They weren’t sure whether they were over reacting. Maybe this was something … else. They weren’t sure, but now that they knew there was more information out there, they weren’t about to stop searching. The internet would have something that would reveal the truth to them. Ricky’s admission that they were a seal sent them staggering. “Wait, you’re a fucking seal?” Winston asked, shocked by the revelation. They were glad that Ricky explained what a therianthrope was because that word was most certainly new to their vocabulary. “Sorry, you’re a selkie, like from those weird folktales in scotland?” This was beyond news to them, news that Winston wasn’t sure how to process. They started by swallowing all of the whiskey in one go. Even though honestly they kind of hated whiskey. But the burning taste in their throat made them cough and helped them realise that this wasn’t all a weird dream. This was real. “You’re going to have to explain this all to me.” Winston’s mind was reeling. Ricky was a selkie, a seal, they’d also mentioned werewolves, were they real too? They had so many questions.

“No because if it was d&d I’d be a paladin and right now I’m pretty sure I’m the village craftsman who sends the party on a quest to the haunted woods.” Ricky raised an eyebrow, more than a little impressed by Winston pounding the whisky like it was nothing. “A fucking seal indeed.” He finished his own drink and set the glass down on the counter, stretching out muscles cramped from so many hours scrubbing the floors, “Scotland and Ireland. My mom was an Irish immigrant. She’s who I got the selkie gene from. I think genetically there was a slim chance I’d be human like my dad, but I guess it became pretty evident early on that I was a selkie like my mom. I was actually born in the ocean. I didn’t turn human for the first time until I was a little older than two. But yeah. Like the weird folktales. Only they’re true. Some of them. Everything gets stretched and distorted a bit. But there’s always some kernel of truth there.” Stretching his legs he bent down and touched his toes, stretching his back out, “I’ll explain whatever I can. Just ask away.”

“Exactly and I would be a sorcerer or a wizard or something?” Winston was neither of those things thankfully. Winston held the empty glass of whiskey in their hands and turned it around and around in their long lithe fingers. “Fuck, how, how did I miss that you were a seal for ages?” They paused for a second and gazed at their now empty glass. They had a million and one questions that they wanted to ask, but they had to ask things in a way that made sense. They decided that they would start with Ricky. “So if you’re a seal, how does this transformation work?” they asked, “Also if you transform then why do you have the teeth and ….” they had suddenly had a brain wave. The truth of the matter was that Ricky had teeth because they were a selkie, did that mean that Skylar wasn’t a human too? After all, she had the exact same teeth. “Everyone who has teeth … like … like yours, does that mean they’re not human, or does it mean they’re a selkie?”

“Why not to warlock. Get you that sweet sweet sugar daddy patron.” Ricky watched Winston toy with their glass, rolling it between their fingers. “Well, frankly, because I’m really good at hiding it. I have to be. I was raised to think that secrecy was the best way and after my mom got murdered it sorta pounded that home.” Pouring himself a glass of water he listened as Winston continued to question him “I have another skin. Literally. I have a seal skin and my body secretes a mucus that quite frankly is like lube and I just sort of… slide into it. As for the teeth… who knows. That’s the way it’s always been. We’ve always kept our teeth in our human form. Our shitty hearing and color blindness too. Though I can see really well in water.” Winston was starting to build up some speed on questions and clearly had arrived at a mental conclusion that he wasn’t privy to. “Not necessarily. Lots of weird creatures have fangs. Doesn’t mean they’re a selkie. But it probably means they’re something. But like I said. My area of expertise is the stuff in the water. Since that’s where I live some of the time. But. There’s stuff down there.”

“Because none of those things are real,” Winston replied sharply, at least they were hoping that none of it was real, “sorcerers and wizards and warlocks, they all use magic. I can accept that there are real supernatural creatures like Selkies, but magic cannot be real. That’s just fiction… right?” Realisation about Ricky’s mothers murder washed over them. They’d mentioned people that hunted Selkies and suddenly it clicked. “Oh Ricky …” they were barely capable of saying anything at more then a whisper at that point, “... I am so sorry, is that why it happened?” They were sure that their meaning was clear. “Who can blame you for keeping it a secret after that…” certainly not Winston. No wonder Ricky had decided to keep them in the dark. “You… ok you have another skin and your body lubes itself up so that you can slide into it… and that means you’ve got bad vision and hearing, because you’re a seal.” It all kind of made some semblance of sense but Winston was still reeling. “You mentioned that you were like a werewolf, but werewolves can’t be real. It was the full moon last friday and I didn’t notice any giant bipedal or quadrupedal wolves running around White Crest… you’ve got to tell me that they aren’t real too?” They paused and considered what Ricky said. Was Skylar a selkie or something else? Winston wasn’t even sure that they knew what could possibly exist, let alone what Skylar might well be. “So hypothetically someone with fangs could be anything … fuck this is a lot to take in.”

Ricky’s eyebrow raised archly, “you can accept that your roommate is a seal who can step out of his skin and become human. But somehow magic and sorcery is a bridge too far? Sorry my dude but I’m pretty sure they’re real. That’s why people collect our skins. To sell them for spell and potion components.” Winston’s voice dropped and Ricky nodded slowly, “they were from out of town. The staked out the beach and by chance happened to see her coming out of the water. We never got her skin back, which is why she’s buried in the town cemetery instead of having her ashes scattered to the tides.” It was such a strange situation they were in, and the stained dining room floor hardly seemed like the place for this conversation. “I mean. Come on. Just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean shit. I’ve transformed at least a dozen times since you moved in and you didn’t notice shit. The supernatural is pretty good at hiding itself. Because humans can react irrationally. Hence the Hunters. Selkie’s don’t do shit to people and they still come after us, for profit.” The last word was spat as a curse but Ricky reined his emotions in. “Hypothetically yeah. I mean you can narrow it down all sorts of ways. But fangs usually aren’t a human characteristic.”

“Of course magic and sorcery is too far, I haven’t seen any examples of that. But you’ve got a very clear mouthful of not human teeth and your explanation gives credence to the fact you’re colour blind and hard of hearing. The seal thing, well I don’t like to admit that I can accept it, but I haven’t been given much other choice.” Pausing for a moment, Winston sighed and shook their head. “That’s shit, I guess if we’ll hunt Rhino and Elephants and god knows what else near to the point of extinction, then why wouldn’t we hunt other things that were more sentient if they helped us get some material gain.” They couldn’t imagine that this was all actually a thing. They couldn’t believe that all of these things really existed. Monsters were still humans, even when something like Selkies and magic existed. They paused for a second. “What other things are … out there?” 

“You draw some weird lines. I’m reasonably sure magic and sorcery exist. Though… I’m not sure if there’s actually a difference between those two.” Ricky couldn’t help but laugh a little at Winston’s incredibly robotic and methodical approach to this all “I think I could have been nearly deaf and color blind without also being a seal who moonlights as a human. But. I’m glad my existence is falling into some neat categories for you.” His mouth purses and he felt the familiar embers of rage fanning slowly into flame within his gut. “Hunters are….. obviously I’m biased. But. It can not fathom their creed that everything that is not human must die. I do good. As much as I can. Why then must I die. It’s a simple math for them. And I can’t approve of that.” He laughed a little at the last question. “I can’t give you a complete encyclopedia. Again. I’m good with the water stuff. But not much else. I will say though… mermaids are a thing. And are to be avoided at all costs.”

“Baby steps here, let me get to grips with threnianthropes, no thearanthro, therianthropes and then I will start to consider the possibility that magic might exist.” Winston wasn’t exactly lying here, though they were starting to what Ricky was saying. After all they had seen some really weird stuff. The shimmering bubble of light, the light blasting from their hands. They weren’t normal things and Winston wasn’t sure how much longer they could ignore them. They were getting too curious as to what had happened. They needed answers. “You’re not wrong, and I’m sorry if I’ve simplified this all too much.” Shrugging for a moment, they shook their head. “Just because there are some psychopaths, I mean it isn’t anything new. There have always been intolerant people and I believe you combat that with education, organisation and that sort of thing.” Pausing once more, they stroke their stubble and shrugged before going back to scrubbing as hard as they possibly could. “Mermaids are bad, got it, don’t go looking for Ariel.”

Ricky laughed at the tongue twister Winston found themselves struggling with, “You can just say selkie, Win. It’s going to be easier. Though… you can only say that in here.” His laughter stilled slightly, “You are now only the second person in town who knows what I am. I trust you, I wouldn’t let you live here if I didn’t, but this might be the biggest secret you keep. You know, and Dee knows. That’s it. It isn’t safe, for more people to know what I am, because that brings hunters calling… and I don’t want to end up like my mom. Who would have loved you, now that I’m thinking about it. She would have joked that you and my dad were two analytical peas in a pod…” He trailed off wistfully, for a brief moment imagining the impossible life where he had a whole and functional family; instead of a cold grave and a long distance father. “Education will have to come from somebody else. I’m not risking my beautiful self for some hicks with machetes.” The joke about Ariel made him laugh though, and he half turned, showing off a serrated scar on his back, “They aren’t anything like Ariel. They’re essentially massive angler fish, with a lure that looks exactly like a person. They trick you into trying to rescue a drowning person and then boom… that person wasn’t real and you’re dead. The only reason I wasn’t devoured was because I was in my seal form and can swim fast as fuck. If I’d been wearing my human face I’d be dead as hell. SO that’s why I said don’t rescue drowning people.” 

“Selkie, I don’t think that it matters what happens with it as I am almost certain that this is going to be me out of my depth for several more months or perhaps years,” Winston was honestly terrified by everything, “I wouldn’t dream of telling anyone your secret, you know, this is like when you come out, you’ve got to do it on your own terms. Especially because this will quite possibly get you hurt if it gets to someone who shouldn’t know,” pausing thoughtfully, Winston scrubbed the floorboards as hard as they could. “So, what … I mean how do you know who or what a hunter is, are they, are they humans who just know about you and think they can make a bit of money or are they like something … well something else.” Raising an eyebrow as they scrubbed harder. “Ok, so mermaids are terrifying giant angler fish that will do everything they can to kill me, and I am starting to understand why you’re so against trying to save someone that is drowning…” Shrugging for a second, Winston gazed at their hands and wondered how soft they would be after the exfoliating. It was a lot to process. “How prevalent is this sort of thing? Are we talking men in black or much more lowkey?”

“You’ll be surprised by how quickly you can adapt to things… though… maybe I’m biased because I am a thing.” A gentle chuckle sprang forth, “Honestly coming out as gay was and is a lot less terrifying than telling people I’m what some call a monster. Though… I do go bump in the night… but that’s just because I can’t see shit and run into stuff.” Watching Winston scrub Ricky leaned forward and snagged the bucket, “I think we’re good on cleaning tonight. As to hunters? They’re people. Just like well…. Not just like you and me. Just like you. Just regular humans with a god complex and access to more weaponry than any one person should have.” The last question made him pause, and he scratched his stubbly chin thoughtfully, the quiet rasp filling the room, “Again… I’m not a complete compendium of this shit. If it’s in the water it’s my deal but beyond that… oh… and vampires are real too… fyi… they love selkies. But yeah… I think here in White Crest it’s way more prevalent than in other places. But it’s certainly not the only place things like me exist. I mean hell… in Ireland there’s a whole village on the coast that’s filled with a couple clans worth of Selkies. That’s where my mom was from. But I don’t have a real hard and fast answer for you. Sorry.”

Winston didn’t know what to say to that. Ricky had always seemed so normal. Sure he stuck to himself but so did Winston. That’s how things worked for them. “I’ll try dude, it’s just … it’s a lot.” Pressing their hands together for a moment, they stretched and sighed. “I don’t think you’re a monster, those people who hunt living things for, well just their pelts, they are the monsters. It doesn’t matter what you are I guess, you’ve never done anything worthy of that title when I’ve been around at least.” As Ricky scooped up the cleaning supplies, Winston headed to the sink to clean up a little. Then they heard about Vampires. Swallowing, they turned and looked at Ricky. “Wait, Selkies, Vampires and Werewolves are all real…” they swallowed suddenly a lot more terrified and more convinced that they would only ever go outside during the daylight. “So it isn’t just here, it’s across the whole world…” they pushed their glasses away from their eyes and sighed. “This is a lot to take in man, fucking vampires are real, pressumably I don’t want to fuck with that… right?”

“It is a lot. But… you’re smart. You’ll manage it I’ve got faith.” Ricky laughed again, bitterly and sharply, “But they have the most impenetrable of shields… genetics. They are Human. What are humans meant to do but have dominion over the beasts. So they can wrap themselves in that armor and the self-assurance that what they do is what they were made for. To hunt, to control, to stifle everything that isn’t like them.” He closed his eyes briefly, willing that anger that he still had to die down, to return to the embers that he always kept inside him, “Yes. Vampires, Selkies, Werewolves, Mermaids, and a million other things… it’s all across the whole world, but, more than that… it’s all across the whole time. The world has always been like this… you’re just noticing it now. So… ultimately shit will continue to spin onward like it always has… you’re just gonna see new colors while it does.” Ricky laughed as he opened the fridge to pull out the smoked salmon he knew Winston enjoyed almost as much as he did, “No. Though… stick close to me and you’ll be fine. They’ll always attack me first. There’s a lot of the supernatural you don’t wanna fuck with. But… think of it this way. You’re smart… this is a whole new branch of knowledge that just opened up for you to learn. This is like the all you can eat buffet of new facts! Fuckin gorge yourself!” More whisky went into their glasses as Ricky tore a piece of salmon apart, “If you want I can call my gramma and see if she’s got like… books or shit she can send. Maybe somebody has something you can read. Though… knowing her it won’t be in English. She refuses to speak it.” 

“Smart doesn’t mean resilient I am afraid,” Winston replied almost as equally bitterly as they listened to what Ricky had to say about their situation. They weren’t sure that they could blame Ricky for their point of view. “I hate to be the not all men guy, but I don’t know if all humans are necessarily like that. A lot of them just … I guess carried away.” They shrugged, unsure why they felt the need to defend themselves when Ricky had made it incredibly clear that they were the bad guys in this situation and Winston couldn’t come up with a good reason why they weren’t. “Well, I expect that explains all of the folklore, mythology and legends that all seems to have similar thematic tales.” The revelation that they would always go after their friend and not Winston seemed unfair, Ricky was articulate and intelligent. He was easily as human, if not physically human, as Winston was. So where did these fucks get off coming after them so hard. Winston picked at their piece of salmon, chewing thoughtfully before washing it down with more whiskey. They winced at the taste once more and sighed. “I think I’m going to spend the next week scouring the internet for any information that I can find about any of this, though differentiating between fact and fiction will be difficult, I just wish that there was a library or a book or an encyclopedia of this that I could get my hands on. I don’t know if I really want your Gramma’s first real conversation with me to be a grilling about the supernatural. ”

“But it at the very least means able to adapt and improvise. I have every bit of faith you’ll take all this new knowledge in stride… and hopefully not die to an aipaloovik or something. I’m getting used to having somebody around the house.” Ricky e nodded as he shredded some more salmon with his fangs. “Always a grain of truth somewhere in there. We may not be drowned women leading men to their dooms in exchange for their humanity back… but… we are seal people. Sometimes it’s hard to find the truth, but, it’s undoubtedly there.” Ricky couldn’t help but chuckle at that, “Woof dude. The internet is a big yikes when it comes to figuring out supernatural truth. There’s so much bullshit it’s hard to find even the tiniest scrap of truth. But… any questions I can answer, I will… I’m just not going to be as well versed in everything as you might like.” 

[mutantsrisingrpg]

Congratulations ABBY! You’ve been accepted as MARS with a FC change to HUNTER SCHAFER.

Abby, we’re excited to have you back, and we’re excited to have you gracing the dashboard with Yvette! Her life’s story flowed so well, I felt as if I could envision it like a movie - of course, it’d probably be one that I cry during, but that’s besides the point. I’m a sucker for the little things, and those headcanons, from her favorite things to her laughter, just made me envision her that much more clearer and really makes you see her as a person, not just a character. Welcome back!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

NAME / ALIAS: abby

PRONOUNS: she/her

AGE: 22

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: EST, 6-7/10 – What is time these days? I’m still a full time grad student, but with everything the way it is i’m pretty much on my computer all the time, which means I can be better involved in the gc ( hopefully ! ). In terms of replies, I’ll either be cranking things out on the dash in the mornings or at night after dinner (8-9pm onwards)

IN CHARACTER INFORMATION

DESIRED ROLE: Yvette Diandra

GENDER/PRONOUNS: trans woman & she/her

DETAILS & ANALYSIS: 

Calm like a bomb. The only tick tick you’ll get out of Yvette is her heart thrumming when her hands lift off the handlebars; when her smile splits for a second – all teeth. There’s nothing overtly dangerous about her: a young woman grown upright into adulthood, all legs and elbows and big eyes, searching for soft spots between your ribs. Mischievous, maybe – up to no good, certainly. She smiles like she’s got a secret tucked under her lip, more than just the tattoo she got drunk on her 21st birthday reading PUSSY in blurred out ink ( you are what you eat, right? ). 

There’s an uptick to her brow to tell you she’s unimpressed; a shrug in her shoulders that says she couldn’t give a shit what you say, really, but a nod and another nod until she can roll away from one palm-flanked street to the next. She’ll keep it that way – a slow blink like a cat’s to say, i trust you, a hand extended with a joint between her fingers. You know she’s whispering about you when she turns to giggle in her friend’s dark hair, but – come on. She looks like she’ll bowl over with a strong wave; how much damage can she really do?

She doesn’t use her powers often, a clean and tidy life that comes at the expense of control. She’ll say it’s because her powers are messy. The truth is she’s never been terrified of anything like she is of herself. She knows what her blast radius is, knows how easy it is to crush things, like a petal in her fist. She knows the shrapnel never really comes out; you can’t get unfucked, you can’t put all that toothpaste back in the tube. You sure as shit can’t walk across the bridge, on fire while you hold the blown-out match. It’s fine. It’s all fucking fine. Yvette clamps a bear trap on her own foot – not because she likes it, not because it’s convenient. Because the alternative, is, frankly, a lot of fucking work. Yvette is good at breaking herself apart, less so at putting herself together. The drop is always easier than getting back up.

The fearlessness – as congenital as the atoms in her body, shivering to split and reshape like waves on the surf – comes out in other ways. No helmet on the on the hill that drives straight down to the beach. Sketchy deals with friends of a friend of a cousin of a diagonal neighbor. Nights lost to glitter and the burn of liquor on her tongue, unsure of the time between the club and the beach and her bed. Mornings split like a snowcone in the sky, and the rest of the day lost to sleep. Petty theft. Cruel giggles poorly stifled in the back of her hand. Fun that’s really only fun when you aren’t at the receiving end of it. Testing the edges of control like dipping your toes into a riptide.

BIO: 

Trigger warnings for: still birth, abuse, drug use

Yvette is born screaming. Peals of it, unfurling from her tiny, toothless mouth. Despondent – no nurse’s finger or nipple in her mouth would quiet her. Eight years or so later, over three fingers of bottom-shelf whiskey and a chain of cigarettes that should’ve put her in a grave, her mother mentions offhand it was just Yvette overcompensating, as usual. It’s the first time she hears about her brother, pushed out between her desperate wails; born sleeping. Yvette swallows this like she does all her mother’s bitter commentary – wide-eyed, slim fingers wrapped around her blue plastic cup, knees drawn up and chin nestled between them. 

Things were easy, then – on the bicycle of their lives; two wheels holding up the frame in equal measure. At least – that’s how Yvette remembers them, and refuses to remember further. Texas was honey-sweet and bourbon-rich; Yvette was raised between their dry front lawn and the neighbors, the block a kingdom for her bare feet to conquer. She was a wild thing, then, wiggling in her mother’s hands and in a furious race with the sun. The problem with the sun is that it goes down. The clock stops ticking at midnight, and the candles blow out. The screen door swings shut. 

Yvette makes no secret of her dislike for Mom’s boyfriend. He’s tall and broad, with mean eyes like Mom taught her to look for. His hands are cracked and he smells more of cigarettes than her, too; reeks of them, and maybe that’s why Mom likes him so much – she thinks she can smoke him down, too. Yvette’s never had a taste for tobacco, not since she went to school on the first day of fourth grade and all the kids next to her held her nose. The only time Mom’s ever slapped her was when Yvette crushed all the unused packs under her boot. 

So the first boyfriend is a bust, but it doesn’t stop Mom from bringing home the second or the third. By the fourth Yvette’s on the cusp of something she can’t quite reach, and she knows enough from her skimmed physics book to understand insanity. This time, she shuts the bedroom door and says nothing. Doesn’t stop Mom from falling back into the pendulum swing, though, and this time the speed picks up. Boyfriend Five nearly kicks her door down when all their friends go home and Six takes a fist full of her hair before Mom can stop him. She doesn’t wait to see what special brand of asshole Seven is – peel back the label and it’s all the same dented can. 

Miami was an inside joke – another liquor-based confession Mom made on the couch with a smoke in her hand. It was a place to pin all their secret wants and wishes. You could be something, in Miami, something warm and pink and sun-dusted, a place where the sun doesn’t set and the sand is warm between their toes. A pipe-dream, Yvette echoed back and Mom nodded. Now, with Boyfriend Seven’s cash in her pocket, a bag on her back, and the rest of her life literally up in flames – why the fuck not? Everyone was always telling her to stop letting the world happen to her.

There wasn’t a lot Mom was right about – not Yvette’s dad, or her name, or any of those shitbags she ever brought home. She was maybe a little bit right about Miami, though. It was flamingo-pink and glittering. And no one gave a single shit. Not when Yvette grew her hair long, or rolled up her skirts, or walked into Planned Parenthood with her heart in her throat. 

Mom finds her, eventually. It’s hard not to when Yvette made no secret of it and tended to implode her life every six months or so. It was all very dramatic – lots of wet mascara, tears, hands clasped in front of her like she was about to mutter six Hail Mary’s. The last boyfriend – was it Ten, now? Eleven? – finally put his hands on Mom and apparently that was something of a wakeup call. Not Yvette, gone in the night, with their cash and the garage like ground zero. Not all the times the kitchen vibrated like the base of a volcano, seconds from exploding. Still, Yvette opens her door. Mom sleeps on the couch now, goes to work with few words while Yvette sleeps in. They don’t say the M word. They don’t say the F or the H word either. This isn’t home and they aren’t really family. Yvette’s control is thin like fishing line. These days, to be honest, they don’t say much at all.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Hana Mercado: There is nothing about Yvette and Hana that will ever be calm and peaceful. From their first collision, like flintrock to tinder, Yvette knew she was going to love this stupid bitch forever. They’re like a tanner, taller Team Rocket – or Thelma & Louise, though Yvette doesn’t give herself too much time to contemplate which side of the hero/sidekick coin she falls on between the two of them. The honest to god truth is that there wasn’t much Yvette had before Hana – her mom, maybe, and 20 hours of week at the gas station where she could do fuck all and still get paid for it.  It wasn’t even the power she wanted. She could feel it – maybe, buzzing at the base of her spine, but it wasn’t why, when Hana held their hand out, Yvette took it.

It was balance, restored. Yvette spent her life since eight reaching for it, open hands unmet. She thought she needed quiet, like a vacuum to suck out all the noise and rage vibrating inside her. She was so fucking fixated on it. But a counterbalance can never be empty space. Hana stepped on the other side of the scale – lightning to Yvette’s thunder; there, bright and flashing, for Yvette’s low rumble to follow. And that’s what they are – aren’t they? Storms for girls; blowing through the bay, darkening the sky and roughing up the surf; spitting out dunes like chewed gum.

But Yvette sees the way Hana’s been nudging her, pressing their foot down on Yvette’s side of the scale. They want to cut the wires, watch the clock tick down to zero, and Yvette can’t for the life of her understand why. Her whole life she’s ripped things out from the inside, ruined things to show herself she could; decided it was what she deserved. She doesn’t need Hana to do it for her, too. Yvette knows fully fuckin’ well what she’s capable of – and it scares her. The fear of it chokes her up, mangles her insides until she can’t breathe. The problem is, of course, that it’s Hana. Anyone else Yvette would’ve told to fuck right off by now – and shit, she probably already has. But Hana’s hand in hers is a grounding weight, and even without that she’s at risk of detonation.

EXTRA: 

Headcanons:

-Yvette’s transportation of choice is her mom’s old roller skates that she rehabbed. She’s a frequent loiterer on the counters of her favorite skate shops, juggling wheels or messing with knuts and washes. As a result of both her hobby and general lack of care for her own wellbeing, she’s often sporting bruised knees and hands and a fair amount of road rash.

-As a natural consequence of her lack of experience and control, Yvette has set fire to a number of various buildings and infrastructure, including but not limited to: her mom’s garage, three gas stations, the neighbor’s yard, a playground swingset, herself (once, technically), two jetties, and some of Tatiana’s plants. She’s never been charged with arson.

-She has a habit of laughing in grossly inappropriate situations, and despite literally everything else about her that says otherwise – it’s almost never on purpose. It’s an anxious habit Yvette doesn’t know the origin of or how to stamp it out, but regardless: nervous, angry, scared, or frustrated, Yvette is going to laugh. Probably in your face. She might even feel sorry about it, but usually only if it gets her in trouble ( which, as one might expect, it very often does )

-The quickest way to Yvette’s heart is between her ribs and under her breastbone, but also: vaporwave edits of pop songs, alaskan thunder fuck, sour apple jolly ranchers, holo stickers, Bombay Sapphire gin, karaoke on acid, 80’s night at the roller rink, fresh blackberries, retro movies with running commentary, white samoyeds on walks down the boardwalk, really really dumb fucking puns, and the occasional baseball bat to an old tv screen. 

Character parallels: Amma Crellin ( Sharp Objects ), Effy Stonem ( Skins ), Jules Vaughn ( Euphoria ), Ilyana Rasputina ( X-men ), Amy Elliot Dunne ( Gone Girl ), Lemony Snicket

This is so dumb but I basically see Yvette’s mom as an older Dakota Johnson? But when she was younger she was very much Dakota in A Bigger Splash ( see here ). Alternatively, an older Yvette? 

Playlist / Pinterest / Moodboard

ANYTHING ELSE: 

Magneto did nothing wrong; also,