#too christmas to fit in with the mains but too main to fully fit in with the christmas toons. poor thing

[theorigamisnake]

bobette is a lil cutie but i was not expecting them to just throw another main at us. like woah!! maybe give us some warning first!!! i was not ready for another main and would have liked to see it coming

yeah she’s darling and all but if you showed me a pic of her standing next to vee, shelly, astro, sprout and pebble i wouldn’t immideately think “oh it’s the mains” i would immediately think “oh it’s the mains and bobette.” and bobette. she just doesn’t feel like one of them to me.

i promise i’m not a bobette hater!!! i’m just not used to her. i started playing like riiiight (maybe 2 weeks before MAX, probably less) before the sprout update so i’m used to the same 5 mains and bobette kind of upturns that

maybe this is on me for not liking change. i was still very new to the fandom when the sprout update happened so that’s what i got used to first. i was iffy on gigi at first but sort of warmed up to her. when looey and connie first came out i was iffy on them too (now okay with looey, tolerate connie) so i guess it’s in character for me to feel very iffy abt the christmas toons considering, yknow, the updates been out for 2 whole seconds

also what is her lore not a rhetorical question i do not know anything about her lore. if it’s interesting then i’ll take all of this back

[foxy-eva]

Snow Angel

Summary: Reader really knows how to get Spencer in a festive mood

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff, Smut

Content Warning: (18+, minors DNI) a hint at Spencer’s sad childhood, food mentions, heavy kissing, oral (fem receiving), handjob, unprotected penetrative sex

Author’s Note: This is my gift for @drgenius-reid ! I wrote it as a part of this year’s Criminal Minds gift exchange @cmgiftexchange

Word Count: 1.5k

Masterlist

Spencer’s hand kept mine warm as we walked along a snow-covered path in the park. Seeing everything covered in a soft, white layer really got me in a festive mood, excited to have someone to spend the holidays with this year. 

“So, Christmas is in a few days. Do you have any plans?” I wondered while gently squeezing his hand. 

He turned his head to find my eyes as he cooed, “I was hoping to spend it with you.”

“I would really like that.” 

He smiled at me for a brief moment before he averted his eyes to look at the snow beneath his feet. After taking a deep breath, he asked, “Can I tell you something?” 

“Anything.”

Spencer stopped his movements to be able to fully look at me while he said, “Growing up in the desert with a sick mom, Christmas always felt like any other day to me. I never understood what people meant when they talked about how magical this time of year is. That was until I met you. I can’t wait to celebrate Christmas with you.”

I placed my arms around his neck to find his lips in a chaste kiss before whispering, “I love you.” 

His breath felt hot against my face when he breathed, “I love you, too.” 

It was then that I decided to make it my mission to show him how magical Christmas could be. There was so much about this time of year that he probably never got to experience and I was adamant to change that. 

“Let’s make snow angels!” I chirped and was met with a surprised look. 

“What?” 

Without further explanation I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the ground with me. He watched my motions for a moment before he lay down in the snow himself, mirroring what I was doing. We both couldn’t hold back the fit of laughter falling from our lips. 

When we got up from the ground, we took a moment to admire two perfect snow angels before rushing back to my apartment. Spencer’s cheeks were rosy when we got back into the comfort of my home, signaling that he was just as cold as I was. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the cold,” he muttered as he took off his damp coat. 

“I know a way to warm you up,” I told him. “Why don’t you take a blanket and wait for me on the couch.” 

When I returned to him with a mug of hot cocoa, he raised his eyebrows and chuckled, “I thought you had had something else in mind.”

“Naughty boy!” I laughed as I sat down beside him. “Don’t you know that Santa only brings presents to good boys?” 

He just shrugged as he took the mug and said, “I’m okay with that, I already have everything I could wish for.”

I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before I turned on the TV to put on the corniest Christmas romcom I could find. 

“Snow angels - check! Next on my agenda to experience the Christmas spirit are hot cocoa and terrible Christmas movies,” I announced. 

Spencer playfully rolled his eyes but I knew that he was enjoying my enthusiasm. He took the blanket to place it over the both of us before wrapping one arm around me to keep me close to him. 

When a scene of the main characters decorating a Christmas tree came on, I decided that we should do that, too. “We should get a Christmas tree for your apartment,” I let him know. “We could decorate it with purple ornaments.” 

“That sounds really nice.”

I adjusted my position inside his arms until I could fully look at him to tell him, “And we need to bake cookies! I have a recipe for the best chocolate chip cookies you’ll ever taste.”

“Cookies sound great-,” Spencer agreed before finding my lips to mumble against them, “- but I’d rather have you right now.” 

The movie playing in the background was quickly forgotten as we deepened our kiss. His lips felt soft and demanding at the same time and when his tongue met mine it was as if we melted into one another. It only took a few moments until I noticed a familiar warmth rushing through my body, making me eager to feel more of him. My hand wandered to the hem of his sweater, dipping beneath it to feel the heat of his skin. 

“Are you still cold?” I breathed into the kiss. 

“No.”

I broke the kiss to smirk at him as I purred, “Good. That means you can take your sweater off.” 

Spencer chuckled at my words but did as I said. Slowly we helped each other shed each layer of clothing until there was nothing left to separate our bodies as we lay beside one another on the couch.  

“You’re so beautiful,” he purred as he kissed down my neck. 

His hands began exploring the curves of my breasts and I felt him smiling against my skin when I answered his touches with the sounds of my pleasure. His fingertips were soon replaced by his lips as he kissed every inch of my skin within reach. Gently, he pushed apart my thighs and lay down between them before he began nipping and licking along my inner thighs. 

I knew that I was dripping with desire at this point but Spencer took his time to tease me. I was sure he didn’t do it on purpose. It wasn’t the first time that he lost track of time worshipping me, his eyes always filled with wonder when he kissed along all the curves and dips my body had to offer.

“Please…,” I finally whimpered. “I need you.” 

It was as if my words had snapped him out of a trance. He mumbled, “Sorry,” against my thigh before his mouth finally focussed on my center. My hands flew to his head, my fingers intertwining with his curls as he brought me closer to my breaking point. I dared to look down at him and moaned at the sight of half of his face buried between my thighs. It looked downright sinful. 

It took just a few more moments of his skillful motions until I entered a state of pure bliss. Spencer’s hands grabbed my hips to keep me steady as he guided me through my high. When my body began relaxing underneath him, he placed a few more soft kisses against my folds before finding his home inside my arms. 

I was quick to reach down to find his hardness, making him shudder at the sudden touch. My fingers wrapped around him and began moving just the way I knew he liked. My motions were immediately rewarded by his sighs and groans. When I let my thumb brush over his leaking tip, he whined my name against my neck. 

“Tell me what you want, love,” I cooed as I kept stroking him. 

“I–,” he whimpered as he locked eyes with me. “I… wanna be inside you. Please.” 

“I’m all yours, Spencer.” 

It took him a few seconds to process my words. The thought that I had the ability to make the smartest and most eloquent man I knew forget everything else but me made me smile. He repositioned himself until he was kneeling between my legs, taking a moment to let his eyes wander over my body. 

“I’m so lucky,” he purred as he leaned over me. “So lucky to have you.” 

I reached between our bodies to guide him to my entrance. He took his time entering my body, a sigh falling from his lips with every inch that disappeared inside me. When he was fully inside me, he leaned down to kiss me. My arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him even closer against me until there was no distance to be found between us. 

Slowly we began moving, our hips grinding against one another in perfect synchronicity. We got lost inside each other’s arms. As our bodies merched there was no way of telling where my body ended and his began. Together we chased the sweet relief with heavy breaths and accelerated motions until we fell over the edge together. 

Each of the pulses of my walls around him was answered with him throbbing inside me, sharing his warmth with me until he had nothing left to give. He collapsed into my arms and buried his face into the crook of my neck as he tried to even out his breathing. Our bodies stayed connected for as long as possible but we had to let go of each other eventually. 

After cleaning up I found my home inside Spencer’s arms, my head resting on his chest. His heart was still beating faster than usual but it slowed down after a few more moments. 

“I can’t wait to spend Christmas with you,” he whispered. “And every holiday after that.” 

Please like, reblog and leave a comment! I need your lovely words to stay motivated to write more stories.

Taglist: @nomajdetective @reidsbookclub @gspenc @samuel-de-champagne-problems @matthew-gray-gubler-lover @malindacath @luredwithpretzels @reidselle @alexxavicry @frickin-bats @spencersprettyslut @sebs-oxygen @happymangospot @cynbx @melifluorei-d @hotchandspencearedilfs @kobaltdragon @castiels-majestic-wings @emiliaserpe @thenerdthatwrites @velvetthunder93 @saturnstringz @missabsey @spencerslove @guacam011y @whoopdy-doo @hugyourlungs @reiderwriter @enamoradax @hales-17 @loaksulluyswife @ecneremili @xserenax-13 @grumpyy-bearr @purpledsky @super-nerd22 @r-3dlips @evvy96 @torigorie

[aisquaredchoco]

ADVENT CALENDAR 2024 🎄

Yep, I'm also hosting an advent calendar event. I guess I'm never too late, eh? 😁I blame my job for this loljk

Based from the title of a popular Christmas song, the advent calendar will run for 12 days (December 13-December 24), and a post with a link to the calendar will be made during midnight of each day in my timezone (GMT+8), so the calendar might be too early for some of you. The gifts vary from conversions to object edits and will be only for TS3.

BUT WAIT...

Aside from announcing the upcoming event, I also prepared a gift to officially kick it off. More of it below..

Conversion of the Studio Bakonmi comfort series, and an end table both from the TS2 base game.

2to3 "Studio Bakonmi Deluxe series

These were set of chairs that I loved using when TS2 is still my main game. And while there are a number of conversions that already exist, I reconverted them to my liking. These pretty, modern bum rests now have four channels to fully utilize in CASt and made the textures less dirty. The chair and lounge are both found in Comfort > Living Chairs priced §680 and §830 respectively, while the loveseat costs §770 and found in Comfort > Sofas and Loveseats.

2to3 "Gliteri & Co. Trieste End Table"

Another TS2 item missed dearly, with its peculiar leg design that fits the modern vibe. Has two CASTable channels with the glass top being also recolorable, and has 9 slots. Found in Surfaces > End Tables.

Polycount Info:

Studio Bakonmi Deluxe Chair: 1802 (hLOD)/669 (mLOD)

Studio Bakonmi Deluxe Lounge: 1942 (hLOD)/703 (mLOD)

Studio Bakonmi Deluxe Loveseat: 2648 (hLOD)/933 (mLOD)

Gliteri & Co. Trieste End Table: 538 (hLOD)/292 (mLOD)

DOWNLOAD: Simfileshare | Mediafire

I hope you enjoy these goodies and also the upcoming ones. Also wishing a merry merry Snowflake Day to everyone!

[r3tr0raven]

On this day of last year (Dec. 14, 2023), I finally completed a several months long project for my dearest sister. (Permission was granted to show this.)

☆Traditional scrapbook art of Sun!☆

This was not only a sweet Christmas gift of the silly daycare attendant; but more of a silent milestone for me to prove that I can complete something through heavy depression.

It took far too long than originally planned- but she loves it all the same.. and that makes it all worth it! And honestly, I'm happy I made this.

Half-Documented process under the cut!

---☆Welcome to UnderTheCut!☆---

So glad you stopped by! Apologies if quality is off, my adhd kept forgetting, so the photos were half-rushed. *cOuGh* OKAY! Here we go!

^First sketch with blue pencil and detailed redraw with classic pencil.

^Pencil cleanup as well as line art with 1mm (main) and 1.5mm (fingers and inner detail) black pen.

^Sunny fully coloured with Ohuhu's (main colouring) highlighters (special hue shading, painted child hands & selected stickers) and colour pencil (stickers & markings). Golden Poska for bells, ruffle swirls, and under eye-lashes. Light shiny stickers here and there too.

^Background card brainstorm loose fitting and after proper cut an' placement. (Aka: Before & After.)

And that's that!

Till this day, it is one of my most prized projects. And to know it's in the hands of someone I deeply care for makes my heart whole.♡

Now all of you can see it! I hope it can help inspire to explore a little more into traditional arts; the process can be lengthy, but in the end it'll all be worth it to make someone smile. :)

As always; Thank You for reading and checking out this artistic little corner- wish you all a wondrous day/evening dca (& fnaf) community!

~R3tr0. ☆*○.

[noideabutsims]

Donut Co. Rough And Rumble Pirate Playset

Merry Christmas!! We are (kinda?) back and here with one of the absolute hardest thing we have done yet. Autumn spent over a month perfecting this pirate ship and we are SO excited to get to share it with you! Hopefully soon we will be back with more, but in the meantime - Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and we hope you have a wonderful New Year! <3 ------------------------ 1 Swatch - Dollhouse -BGC New mesh - All Shadows and LODS. All of our CC can be found by typing " Donut " into the search bar! Infants that can sit up can play with it, toddlers and kids can play too!

This item works best if you use the [ + ] keys, or the TOOL mod, to change its size to fit your kids better! There is slight clipping at full size (Sorry)!!

The preview photos - GUYS these are amazing!! These beauties are not done by us - they were done by @aghilasims who is so amazing and wonderful!! They did amazing with the previews and yeah go check out their stuff because they are awesome!! (Just look at that juicy preview set - there is even a simlish version!!) ---------------- Name: Donut Co. Rough And Rumble Pirate Playset Buymode Description: ARRRRRRRRRRRR - Donut Co is bringing you possibly the best gift for under the tree this holiday season! (Well...if it fits under the tree!) This large oak wood ship is surely going to be a hit with all the kids! Grab your binoculars, pick up a pirate, and set sail for the seas! Surely you'll find the Kraken in no time! (Use the [ + ] Keys to size the item up and down! Use TOOL Mod for more precise sizing!) -------------------------- ****DOWNLOAD**** Curseforge: https://legacy.curseforge.com/sims4/build-buy/donut-co-rough-and-rumble-pirate-playset Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/donut-co-rough-95239501?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link Google Drive: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cWkANAqHHJfURyFn6U0b1L5j40KVfWDC/view?usp=sharing --------------------------

Re-colors, and using this item as a mesh/base is fully allowed! you can include the mesh, and do what you please with the item, as long as you link back to the original. There are posts for all of our cc on our main 3 platforms (Tumblr, curseforge, patreon. ), So there is no reason not to link back! Will be releasing more content soon! stay tuned! ❤️ (NOT affiliated with EA or Maxis in any way! We just make CC! )

[lillaydee]

Uncoupled - December Part 3 - The Show, The Purses, The Mistletoes

Roommate! Joel Miller / Reader

Two people leaving their marriages ended up going through the mandatory one year separation together before filing for divorce.

Nothing could possibly happen in a year, right?

WARNINGS: Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), No age gap, Roommate Joel, Teacher Joel, Handyman Joel, Insecure Joel, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning.

SERIES MASTER LIST

December Part 2

---

It was the last day of school before the Christmas break. There was to be a huge concert that night, all three schools would be participating. Of course, being the music teacher, Joel was up to his nose with practices and rehearsals. The pre-school was joining the older kids for some choir time, and they did a small play, according to Joel. Ellie’s class was in the choir, nothing big, he said, just some Christmas carols.

You had been steadfastly kept out of the loop. No Beans, you cannot come to school to watch me practice. No Beans, you have to stay at the bakery until I finish practicing with Joel. Yeah, Beans, stay at the bakery, Joel teased, not wanting to spoil the excited little girl’s secrets. She was way too excited about being in a choir. You didn’t even know what song she was singing. You didn’t know if she had a solo. You were basically Jon Snow.

Anita, on the other hand, was more than welcomed in the loop. She apparently was fitting Ellie’s outfit, the one she wouldn’t show you. And the older lady was taking her role as a surrogate grandma very seriously. She wasn’t showing or telling you anything. You thought of sneaking into Ellie’s closet to peek at the dress, but Joel slept in her room now, you just didn’t feel right going in there, invading his privacy. On one occasion, you went in under the pretense of putting his laundry away only to discover the fiercely guarded secret had been moved to Joel’s classroom for safekeeping.

Even Mrs Adler was in on it. You went to school one day, supposedly to pick Ellie up. But the woman body-blocked you, telling you she was under strict instruction from Little Miss Williams and Mr Miller not to let you near the building at all. Anita arrived in time for rehearsal, patting you on the back and waltzing in with a huge cheeky smile as Mrs Adler locked the main entry in your face.

So here you were, waiting for a bunch of ladies to make up their minds about which cake they’d like to purchase, your insides jittery from the expectations of the big reveal that night. Anita had taken Ellie home after the final rehearsal, where she would get the little girl ready and take her back to school to prepare for the concert, where you, as well as her honorary aunts and uncles would gather after the bakery closed.

**********

Anita peeked from back stage, waving at you and the group. You were sitting in the front row, your family with you, everyone with fully charged phones to record Ellie’s first performance. You were thankful these people were in your life. When Eddie passed, you were worried that all she would have was you - a sad, divorced, lone aunt – to cheer her on at these things, concerts, plays, sports; but now, you saw that she had an entire village of people just gathering to support her. If serious and stoic Bill was willing to put on a bowler hat and play Mr Potato Head for Ellie, you couldn’t imagine much he wouldn’t do for her.

When the light dimmed, everyone quieted down. You felt a hand touch your shoulder. Joel had just appeared out of nowhere to lead the choir, saying hi to you, bending down to give you a quick peck on the cheek. You heard whispers going on behind you as he went to his position to get ready, you saw Lucy peek from behind the curtains giving you the evil eye, but you didn’t really care. You were looking at him, all dashing in his dress pants and dark red dress shirt with the festive Christmas tie you got him for the occasion, his hair slicked to the back.

God, he looked good.

I mean, why kid yourself. He’s your roommate, your best friend these days, and he was a good looking one. Blind people could see he was gorgeous. And the group of women sitting behind you agreed. You could hear them swoon.  

“Oh, I would like one serving of him for Christmas, please.”

“Just one? Honey, I’m gonna build myself a basement so I can tie him up down there for good. Easy access.”

“And you know he’s not just the music teacher, he’s also the woodworking teacher. We know he can make beautiful music, and definitely knows his way around tools.”

Oh, how they laughed and swooned over the gorgeous teacher. Not that you didn’t agree with them. You could find someone attractive and not actually be attracted to them, right? It didn’t mean anything, right?

The curtain opened, and there she was, your little girl. Not your niece, not your ward. She was yours. All yours. She may not call you Mama, but she was yours. You watched as she waved shyly at you and the gang, looking all cute and dashing in her trousers and dress shirt and a sparkly vest Anita had helped tailor to fit her better.

The choir did well, Ellie singing along sweetly, eyes fixed on Joel as he conducted them all with a white baton, his body swaying as he did so. They received a thundering applause, of course, and your hands hurt from clapping so hard. She did so well!

When the choir left the stage, though, Ellie remained. Joel turned to look at you and winked, before getting on the stage and getting two bar stools, placing them side by side. He rearranged the mic and lifted Ellie onto one of the bar stools, sitting on the other one, his guitar in his hands.

He checked on her before introducing her to everyone, and the crowd clapped politely, aww-ing as he gave her a fist bump before plucking the strings, playing a soft lilting tune.

And then, your little girl started to sing.

It was like the world disappeared. All you saw was these two people on the stage, all you heard was the tune he plucked form his guitar and her sweet, sweet voice. Tears filled your eyes, wishing so much that Eddie and Annie were here to witness this. They would’ve been so proud of her. You knew you were.

‘You did great Beans, she’s the happiest little girl. I knew you could do it. I knew I chose right. I knew I could trust you. Look at her, Beans, she’s flourishing. You’re not alone, Beans, you know that, right? Joel is with you. Everyone is with you. I am here with you. Always.’

Her eyes were on you, finding the bravery to sing to a hall full of people in your eyes. She was singing to you, and you alone. Telling you what a wonderful world she lived in. Her voice rang true, her little face earnest, this little girl whose world collapsed a little over five months ago. And yet, here she was, telling you all the positivity the world had to offer.

What a wonderful world it was.

The audience rose to their feet, whooping and cheering and clapping as the song finished. Joel got up, placed his guitar on the stool and lifted her up, Ellie immediately hugging him tight. You could see him whisper how proud he was of her, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, his face beaming with pride. The crowd cooed when she gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek, his infectious, dimply smile practically made the ladies behind you croon.

When the applause died down, Frank put his arm around you, asking you if you were okay. It was only then you realized that your entire face was wet with tears. He and Tess quickly hugged you, telling you they were so proud of her, she did really great! What a great surprise it was!

Oh, God, in your emotional state you forgot to record her, you said, facepalming yourself. Very quickly, all six of them took their phones out and forwarded their videos to you, their own eyes teary with pride. We’ve got you Lil, they said.

Oh, thank God.

Ellie was quite the superstar when Anita brought her out after the concert, everyone hugging and kissing her, telling her what a great job she did. You didn’t have any words to say to her, just sobbed quietly as she clung to your neck, telling you she loved you so, so much.

“Lily sweetie, could you go get Joel? I think this one has had a bit too much excitement – we should get her home,” Anita asked you, taking a sleepy Ellie from your arms into her own.

You walked back stage, where it was surprisingly empty. People had vacated the space quickly, eager to go home, many travelling out of town that very night or the morning after for their Christmas plans. There he was, packing his guitar and getting his backpack to go. Just as you were approaching him, Lucy got to him first, something hidden in her hand behind her. She walked all the way up to him, close to him, too close, you thought. She brought the item she had been hiding up above his head. He looked up.

Mistletoe.

Before he knew it, Lucy had pulled his chin down towards her and kissed him on the lips, brushing her tongue against them. He pulled back right away, and she let him, telling him it didn’t have to mean anything, it’s just a silly tradition, that’s all. But if he liked what that felt like, changed his mind, and finally realized that he could do so much better than that baker he’d been hanging around with, there’s plenty more where that came from.

He took a hasty step back from her, telling her how inappropriate that was, he said no, a few times, in fact. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and gathered his stuff, turning to go out to see you and his family, both blood and found.

You were standing just a few steps away, an unreadable expression on your face, awkwardly telling him you and the rest would be waiting outside whenever he was done, and quickly turned and left.

He called your name, but you had already disappeared. Lucy took his arm in her hands, squeezed them with her ample bosoms, and told him he knew where to find her, a flirtatious smirk on her face.

The glare Joel gave her could’ve killed. He angrily pulled away from her, walking out, leaving her alone backstage.

Everyone greeted Joel when he finally came out, congratulating him for a job well done. His eyes searched for you as he was hugging everyone goodnight, but you had taken Ellie from Anita and walked ahead to your car. You buckled her sleeping form in her booster seat and drove off, your head full of what you had just witnessed.

You didn’t understand this feeling you were feeling. When she kissed him, you felt your heart stop working. Were you jealous? Why would you be? What right did you have to be jealous? He’s a single man, he’s a beautiful, single man, and Lucy was a beautiful, single woman. They looked like Ken and Barbie together. Heck, they looked better together than he and Jen did. They worked together; they’ve known each other for a long time. What beautiful children they would make together.

You had gotten too comfortable with Joel, you’ve realized. You no longer had any shame around him. You had no problem wearing less than flattering, comfortable clothing around him, torn, tatty clothes you’d owned forever. You had no qualms ‘letting lose’ around him when it came to bodily functions. Sure, neither did he, but he’s a man. Ladies were not supposed to do that kind of shit around men they found attractive. Heck, you didn’t even do those things around Frank. Nor around Max, actually. He was vocal about how disgusting he thought you were when you did that earlier in the relationship, how very unladylike. But you did with Eddie, of course you did. He’s your brother. And now you’d gotten so comfortable with Joel you had treated him just like you did your brother.

Of course he would kiss Lucy, perfect Lucy who’s probably so perfect she didn’t even need to pass gas. And if she did, she definitely wouldn’t do it in his majestic presence. You thought you saw Joel protest a little, did he pull back quickly? No… that’s not possible. Heck, you were a straight woman, but you would let someone looking like Lucy kiss you. Why the heck not? Must be nice to have someone want to kiss you.

You were the ‘cute’ one. Always, since infancy. Your cousin Laura was the beautiful one. Eddie was the funny one. And you were the cute one. But let’s be real. Everyone knew what ‘cute’ meant.

No wonder Max didn’t want to sleep with you anymore. When was the last time he even kissed you? Not that you could blame him. What man would want to be intimate like that with a ‘cute’, unladylike neanderthal like you? Certainly not Joel. Why would he, when he had someone like Lucy chasing him, and a gorgeous wife who was still begging for him to go back to her?

You brought Ellie into your bedroom and laid her down to sleep, undressing her and putting on her pajamas, wrapping the duvet around her. Let’s live in the real world, Lily. Ellie should be your main focus. You didn’t have the luxury of wondering if your hunk of a roommate may or may not find you attractive, you had a child to raise.

So that’s what you did. Who cared if Joel kissed someone else? Good for him. By the time you had showered and changed into pajamas, Joel and Lucy’s kiss was the farthest thing on your mind.

Okay, it was number two, but hey, baby steps.

You heard Joel and Anita come home, heard him knock on your door, but decided you couldn’t face him that night. So you turned the shower on, hoping he’d think you were busy. You were just going to handle this like you handled everything else when it came to Joel. Deny, deflect, defend.

As you laid in bed that night, rewatching your baby girl sing on mute, holding her peaceful, sleeping form in your left arm, you couldn’t help yourself. You clicked on the forward button and forwarded the video to Eddie and Annie, hoping to God that they get to see it somehow.

**********

Joel couldn’t sleep that night. He couldn’t decide why – was it because he was overtired and overstimulated from the concert, or was it the look on your face when you saw Lucy kiss him?

Did you see the kiss? He pulled back rather quickly, but if you did, just in case you did, he should explain.

He didn’t know why, exactly, but he needed to explain to you he didn’t want to kiss her. Silly, really, the two of you were not dating, so he didn’t actually owe you an explanation. But he felt like he had betrayed you, somehow. Like he had done something wrong.

He had told Lucy over and over he wasn’t interested. At first, he didn’t get that she was flirting with him. But ever since you and Ellie pointed it out, and Tommy and Maria too when he told them, Lucy’s intentions got a bit obvious, even for someone as clueless as him. The woman made it a point to come find him daily asking if he would join her for lunch. And every day, he would say no, telling her you had packed something for him. She kept asking him what was so special about you. Why you, why not her? You came with baggage; she was free and clear.

Much like with Jen and Max, he never bothered to correct Lucy when it came to you. He was comfortable letting people think the two of you were together, not ready to face being single on his own yet. Not ready to date. And if people think he was taken in some capacity, people would leave him alone.

Not Lucy, apparently, and not Jen. But he knew how shameless Jen could be, and technically he was still married to her. But Lucy? That’s a different story.

He never entertained Lucy, never answered her questions, never replied to the many, many, many memes and whatever ticks or tocks she sent him. But she was relentless. Waiting by the pre-school to accompany him whenever he picked Ellie up, loitering around his classroom, finding him for the stupidest reasons, accosting him in hallways for his help with things that had nothing to do with him, recruiting him to chaperone with her on school trips or whatever else she could think of.

He wasn’t interested. He made it very clear that he wasn’t. As far as he was concerned, he was not attracted to her at all. Something about her demeanor, her being that clingy even when he had never shown interest in her. It turned him off.

And tonight. She crossed a line tonight. She kissed him without his consent. And what she said to him after cemented his disgust for her. She ‘knew’ he was ‘with someone’, and still wanted him. He hated cheaters, and anyone who was okay with the concept of cheating. And Lucy clearly didn’t care if he was with someone. She was willing to break couples up to get what she wanted. And for that, in that instant, she had never seemed uglier to him.

When he realized that you might have seen Lucy kiss him, his heart dropped. No, no, no, no, no… it’s not what it looked like. He panicked when he couldn’t find you. He panicked further when you didn’t answer your door. And now, here he was, laying in Ellie’s bed, wide awake, unable to sleep, just desperately wanting to explain his side to you.

Why though? It’s not like you were going to be jealous, right? You saw him as a friend.

Shit.

Did he want you to be jealous?

**********

The six of you were lazing around your living room, tummies too full and bodies too heavy to move. Some Christmas movie was playing, and you were fighting hard to keep your eyes open. Joel was sitting in a corner with Ellie, her brand new starter guitar, her Christmas present from him in her hands, giggling as he taught her how to pluck the strings. The obligatory sweaters from Anita were piled up in one corner, the wrapping papers in another.

Joel’s present for you, a foldable collage picture frame he handmade, pictures of Ellie, one for every year since she was born gracing some of the empty picture slots, the unused ones folded neatly behind the first one, ready to be filled as she grew up, was already displayed on the TV cabinet. He also got you a new purse, one that was similar in style to the one you had been using for years, but new, of better quality than your old one. It was branded, but not in an ostentatious way. Just the way you liked it. You thanked him profusely, immediately getting your old purse and transferring everything into the new one. He looked elated that you liked it so much.

You had gotten him a guitar stand, which he immediately put to use, a beaming smile on his face as he gave you a thank you kiss. You also got him a new tool set and belt, he didn’t own one, always borrowing from Tommy. You joked that you had ulterior motive for that present, which he laughed off, telling you he looked forward to using them with you, garnering smiley, conspiratorial looks from Maria, Tommy and Anita.

He did ask you about the night of the concert when the two of you were alone. If you saw what happened. You of course, played dumb. No, you didn’t see anything. Why? What happened? When he told you, you feigned excitement. Good for him! So, was he going to finally ask her out? He quickly shut that idea down, telling you he wasn’t interested, in fact, he was offended that she would do that even though she thought the two of you were together.

You then changed the subject, telling everyone that the Christmas party would be held at the bakery on New Year’s Eve. Just the ten of you, two birds, one stone, all that. Don’t worry about food, you, Tess and Frank would do the baking and cooking. Everyone seemed on board, Anita and Maria insisting they would come over and help with the preparations on the day itself.

Come Ellie’s bedtime, you got the box you had hidden in your closet out for her. Her surprise. The presents from you that she had unwrapped were just smaller ones you wanted her to have. She opened it excitedly, and immediately hugged you, saying thank you over and over.

Two custom made teddy bears, each dressed in Eddie and Annie’s favorite jerseys, complete with their names on the back.

She hugged both of them to sleep that night. And every night since.

**********

You were in your office on New Year’s Eve, the bakery on a quiet lull save for the people who came to collect their orders for the parties that were going to happen everywhere that night. Everything that was baked that morning quickly sold out before noon could even arrive, Frank, Tess, Andy and Anita working to restock some stuff as you finalized some orders and receipts. Maria was keeping Ellie company as well as handling some of the walk-in customers, Bill, Tommy and Joel out to get some stuff for the party that night.

Maria called you, someone there to see you.

You hurriedly finished what you were doing, taking the receipts and some extra boxes with you for the packing up you needed to do for the pick-up.

Max was standing in the bakery, a bright orange shopping bag in his hand.

“Hey,” he said to you, an easy smile on his face. “I’m not here to fight, I promise,” he said, hands up in surrender. “Just wanted to give you your present.”

As much as you didn’t want to see him, you were touched by his gesture. You asked him to sit down and made him his favorite coffee. He smiled when he took his first sip.

“You remembered how I like it,” he said.

“We were together for a long time, Max, of course I do.”

“Yeah,” he said, his eyes soft on yours. “You’ve always known me the best.” He looked regretful for a bit, telling you he didn’t know how you liked your coffee. “I guess it’s really clear who’s the better spouse, huh?” he said, huffing a laugh, looking at his mug.

He cleared his throat after a while, “Anyway,” he said, handing you the shopping bag, “Merry Christmas baby.”

“I didn’t get you anything,” you told him.

“It’s okay,” he said, earnestness on his features. “Maybe if I had treated you better you would think of me more fondly,” he said, a regretful smile on his lips. He pointed at the bag, “Open it, see if you like it. I’ll exchange it if you don’t,” he said.

It was a purse. Similar in style to the cheaper one he got you when he got his first paycheck, the purse you had been using all this while, before you swapped it for the one Joel got you, but one of a better quality than that initial one he bought, back when he was just a lowly paid entry level person. Much better quality. Expensive, that much was obvious, ostentatious, in fact. Just like the ones he used to buy for you to use at those galas and fancy dinners, the ones that were not you at all, the ones you didn’t even bother packing when you left. The only difference was, at least it’s the style of your preference. After 15 years, he finally got the style right. But still, he couldn’t help the peacocking, the brand being one you would never be comfortable using, the leather too shiny, too showy.

And Joel read you perfectly after living with you for four months.

“Jen showed me the picture she took of you at the store. She was making fun of you, I suppose, but all I could think when I saw you were still using that purse was – when was the last time I got you something you really wanted or needed? All I ever cared about was that you lived up to a certain standard, a certain style. I didn’t even think if you liked them, if you were comfortable using them. When she showed me that picture, it dawned on me. That purse was probably the cheapest thing I have ever bought you. And you were still using it. Even though it was all ratty and old now.”

You didn’t say anything. You just looked at the purse, running your hand on the very shiny, very expensive crocodile skin. His face suddenly fell.

“You don’t like it, do you? Too showy? Blingy?”

You looked at him, giving him a small, resigned smile, unable to hide what you were thinking from him. You put the purse back into the bright orange box it came in, placing it with the top off on the shopping bag on the chair next to you. Realization dawned on his face.

“You never cared how much money I make, do you?”

You shook your head.

“You just wanted me. The man you met growing up and fell in love with.” His eyes brimmed with tears.

You nodded. He did too, wiping his tears off before they could fall.

“I’m sorry I treated you so badly, Lil. I hope, I really hope I can make it up to you. Win you back.”

“You have Jen now, Max. Work things out with her.”

He shook his head, leaning forward and taking your hand in his. “Jen and I, it’s a nice idea but it’s not real. It had never been real. I’ll tell you about it one day, but right now, can we at least, try to be friends again? I miss you. I really do, Lil.”

**********

“Okay, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t like what I’m seeing,” Frank whispered, seeing the hand-holding that was going on via the CCTV footage on his phone.

“Shit, you think she’s going to go back to him?” Andy asked, panicked at the idea.

“No… don’t even put that idea out there. The man was horrible to her,” Tess sprinkled water at Andy for even saying that.

“Well,” Anita took a deep breath, “They were together a long time. You don’t just forget something like that overnight.”

“Oh, come on, Mama, are you saying Joel would entertain the idea of going back to Jen? Would you support that?” Maria just looked horrified at the idea.

“No, and of course I don’t support Lily and her ex getting back together either. I’m just saying, 15 years. A lot of things happened. You don’t just forget. No matter how bad, how challenging, you get nostalgic. Jake Miller was the grumpiest man known to mankind. He was by no means the perfect man, but when he passed, all I remember were the good times. And I miss them, those good times, to this day, despite his tantrums and attitudes. And I was only with him for ten years.”

The room went really quiet. So quiet, Ellie’s colored pencil scratching on the drawing paper in your office became deafening.

“But I know both Lily and Joel are perfect for one another. Tell me you agree,” Frank looked at Anita.

Tess, Maria and Andy all nodded, looking at Anita for her opinion on this one matter that they all deemed to be of the utmost importance.

Anita nodded, “Oh, there’s no doubt. Those two are pining for each other. It’s so obvious.”

Andy clapped her hands softly, excited that even Anita saw what they saw. “So, we have this plan for tonight. Those two are perfect for each other, but they need a little push, we think. They’re a bit… clueless when it came to this. And both of them have major self-esteem issues.”

“What do you mean?” Anita crossed her arms on her chest, no idea what Andy was talking about.

“This one,” Tess said, tilting her head to the direction of the bakery, “Thinks she is not good looking enough, not good enough in general for anyone, much less someone as good looking as your son,” she told Anita.

“And your son doesn’t think anyone would want to be with a poor teacher like himself,” Maria said.

“Ah…” Anita said, nodding, “The side effects of Max and Jen.”

Everyone nodded.

“They needed a nudge, so here’s what we thought we could do tonight,” Frank said, and told her, who smiled cheekily at the plan.

“Worth a try,” Anita said, eager to see her son happy with you.

“It’s not gonna work,” Ellie piped up, getting herself a glass, Tess immediately taking it from her and filling it with water. “You need to leave them alone. Beans will just panic. Joel too. I know it.”

The rest scoffed a laugh, pretending to be touched at this five year old thinking she knew how love and life worked. So adorable.

Bill and Tommy walked in, Tommy looking at Maria and his Mama with panic at the scene he saw as he walked in. Maria told him not to worry. They had a plan. Ellie told Frank to tell Bill and Tommy of this plan, and when he did, Bill shook his head.

“Nope, not a good idea. They’ll panic,” he said. “It’ll just make them more careful around each other, maybe even pull away from one another. I told you, leave them be, it’ll happen. We just need to be patient.”

Ellie gave the now empty glass back to Tess, an ‘I told you so’ look on her face and went back to your office to continue drawing.

**********

Joel walked into the bakery later than Bill and Tommy, having to park his truck a bit farther away today. He walked in just as Max stood up, ready to leave. Max extended a hand at him, wishing him a merry Christmas and a happy new year, telling him he just wanted to drop off your Christmas present. He took it, wishing Max the same, telling him to say hi to Jen. As you walked Max out, his eyes fell on the beautiful leather purse in the bright orange box with the horse-drawn carriage logo, his heart suddenly plummeting to his feet.

That logo meant that the purse was worth at least 20 times the one he got you, despite the horse drawn carriage on its own logo. That logo told him that he would never be able to afford a purse of such prestige for you, the price was probably worth more than what he made in three months. At least. He watched as you gave your estranged husband a hug and kiss on his cheek, saying goodbye with a smile on your face.

He asked you if everything was okay when you came back in, his heart heavy with the realization that he could never compare to Max even if he tried. You just nodded, and asked him if the shops were busy, taking the bright orange box and shopping bag with you to your office, where everyone suddenly stopped talking and greeted the two of you over-enthusiastically.

**********

That night, after a wonderful dinner, lots of pictures were taken. Nearing midnight, Frank asked you, Joel and a very sleepy Ellie to take one together, Ellie in Joel’s arm, you on his other side, all beaming happily at the camera. Frank suddenly looked above you, his mouth shaped into an ‘O’, telling you and Joel to look up. Ellie was mysteriously taken away from Joel’s arms by a very willing Anita.

The two of you looked up; a sprig of mistletoe conveniently hung above you, right at the spot the two of you were specifically instructed to stand at for the picture. Everyone, except Bill and Ellie looked like Christmas came twice, big smiles on their faces, expecting the two of you to kiss.

You looked at Joel, panic clearly written all over his face. He froze, standing stock still on his spot, staring at you, his mouth opening and closing as if trying to find a reason not to do it.  

Trying hard not to let your own panic (and maybe disappointment?) show, you kissed him chastely on the cheek and turned to everyone.

“Come on, guys, don’t do this to him. At least get someone actually worth kissing to trap him under the mistletoe with, huh? Ooh… almost midnight, come on Jellie,” you said, grabbing Ellie from a shocked Anita, “Let’s go out to see the fireworks,” wrapping her scarf around her neck and going outside.

Joel seemed to have snapped out of his own panicked mode and followed you.

Everyone stood around the bakery, faces downturned at how everything turned out.

“Told you,” Bill said, guiding a very shocked Anita outside.

When the countdown began, everyone began to pair up. You pulled Anita’s hand and pushed her towards Joel, standing a ways away from him yourself, Ellie in your arms. The little girl excitedly counting down with you, despite her sleepiness being so obvious.

Midnight came, and you kissed Ellie a happy new year, Joel, his mother. Joel came to kiss Ellie happy new year after, and Anita whisked her away for everyone else - still reeling from their failed plan - to wish her a happy new year, quickly going inside as soon as the fireworks stopped. It was far too cold.

Joel pecked you on the cheek, wishing you a happy new year. You wished him the same.

“So, no kisses for the two of us, huh?” he asked you, jokingly, of course.

“Oh, come on, Joel. I wouldn’t do that to you. You deserve someone better than this,” you pointed at yourself, “You know, someone who actually looks like they were born on the same planet as someone who looks like you,” you said, smiling, squeezing his arm, before going back inside, out of the cold to begin cleaning up.

“But I think you’re perfect…” he said to himself, just as the door to the bakery closed behind you, leaving him alone outside.  

---

January

[denpadokei]

Overtly transfem song for Mizuki!

Before the ena5 hype dies down I would like you all to see one of the most mizuki songs ever. ONE THAT ISN’T DEPRESSING. find me a more mizuki coded song that is all so positive. I dare you.

Boku wa Karen na shoujo ni wa narenai . “I can’t become a pretty girl” HOLD ON it says the narrator became a girl at the end alright. Just look at this, courtesy of the harumaki Gohan wiki. It’s officially called “floret” in the English translation, but like, if you can’t go back to being a bud again you could be a floret. It’s got subs now >:) .

The flower thing is one of the main reasons I made this connection, and a floret is technically the name of a single bloom in a flower that is one of a cluster, (a florescence), like a hydrangea or an an allium. “I can’t be a floret” from the prospective of mizuki in the past is like her saying that she can’t transition and simultaneously remain social, have friends, be in a group. That is what seems to bother mizuki the most, moreso then being trans in the first place imo. A floret is inherently connected to the other florets of the flower head - she clearly needs people, people need her. But she’s not a floret, so she thinks, she’s her own isolated flower of transformation, in bake no hana it’s sung of with fear. Yet it isn’t just mizuki singing, I know the music isn’t cannon to that extent but we all know some stuff can’t really be a coincidence, like how mafuyu was given a line that might reference empurple. Say, the transformation flower was one with all of them as florets, they all undergo some form of transition and they all must have felt disgust, fear and confusion at those changes in their lives. And they all seem to be going through them different times, yet they’re still together as one beautiful flower. And to be honest everyone is part of that, everyone transforms, call it blooming or not. Maybe in ena5 mizuki has come to realise that, it seems to be the main point of the event. Togetherness. She was a floret all along. And she’ll be supported in that flower head of her and niigo and everyone who loves her, a flower head that is, even if far or different part of the same plant of humanity…

Also like, it is literally just “pretty girl” in Japanese. This song is transgender very clearly, I don’t think Harumaki Gohan identifies as a girl (I don’t think anyone knows really), it could be a metaphor, but I’m sure trans people could feel comforted by it. To imagine it as Mizuki is a lot more direct then in this event anyway, so I hope people who wanted that can have this to fuel their imagination. and it really fits the general vibes of this event, with flowers and petals blowing in the wind, white, etc.

No one fits this song more than Gohan himself, but I think the lines about another person’s hair got mizuki too. Whether that’s talking about ena or her sister, doesn’t really matter, but it’s especially nice since it looks like she got a hair cut that specifically references one of them in the new card. And like this event, it isn’t a perfect situation, but it’s going in a bright direction. Even if you can’t believe you are anything at the moment, you have this fully blossomed undying love for someone, which they share for you, so let that make you smile and keep you trying. You can do it mizuki.

There’s also a little reference to Hatsune Miku herself at the end of the second verse I’m pretty sure.

This song was released this year in February, and is sung by Gohan himself. I think it’s pretty underrated for how much I love it. Gohan is also the one who made empurple, it epic but as a hardcore Gohan fan I do not understand it. When the event was happening I know people were waiting for mizu5 too. I really do wish the commissions would have been the other way around, Gohan fits this whole thing like a glove. I have to keep saying Gohan because idk pronouns anymore. Please give this song a listen!

DAY ONE of posting harumaki Gohan things before Christmas!

[realchemistry]

"Masks" - A few things about tonight's episode and what's ahead

~9-1-1 spoilers ahead~

Let me get this out of the way first: Eddie sucking on that ring pop... I never understood the "don't ask me the color of anything" and "babygirl" concepts more than I did then. Also: both Buck and Eddie having the same Christmas picture of them with Chris and abuela? I'm fine. The ending montage with Eddie being alone looking at his pic from Halloween with Chris... no, I'm really, I'm okay.

The BuckandEddie of it all:

It's interesting that they kept pairing Eddie up with other members of the team during calls but Eddie was all over Buck still. Like... they are partners, and they continue to be like at the pumpkin call (LUBE? PLEASE, I AM BEGGING), but Eddie was with Buck at the hospital (both for Buck and Denny) and at Buck's loft and at the station too.

Buck and Eddie are always entangled in each other's business but this season's been like a whole other level. The framing, the dialogue, everything about them is pointed as fuck and it's no coincidence (the lube, I can't get over it!!!), of that I'm sure.

This episode, which had a lot of Buck and T, had a ton of Eddie in between them which allowed us to see their dynamic and it was a sight. We had Eddie in the hospital room, by Buck's bedside, asking the doctor questions, while T was on the other side of the door, observing. Eddie was there to tend to Buck's boils and reassure him it'd be fine and even bet and shake on it to try and keep Buck from spiraling while T was just... there. Eddie was apparently distracted on his phone, sucking on a freaking ring lollipop (looking at Buck like that!!!!!) but he was actually well in tune with Buck and what he was doing and Buck protested his boyfriend's claims that he had been picking on his boils but he didn't argue with Eddie about it at all.

So yeah, Buck has a boyfriend that could fit right in, being a firefighter and getting more into the 118's business and sharing time with Buck and his BFF in the whole wide world. This episode showed in part how T didn't fit exactly right (why were they not sleeping on the bed, I'm so confused...), how Buck realized that and sent him a message that he wanted him to. And I think they will make it past the next episode, actually, because I have a feeling that if tptb are going where we all think/want them to go with Eddie, they might want to establish that on its own.

And they would also want to do what Oliver said and take it slow on the Buddie front, and I know it's been slow enough, but Oliver and Ryan have alluded to wanting the story to develop naturally and to not have them be bi/gay and into each other because of the message that could send. I have a feeling that means reaching Buddie after both have time to go through self-realizations away from each other and having Buck be in a relationship actually serves that scenario better. At least for a little while, then they can let the pining begin.

Some other things:

The thing about this show that I both adore and dislike is that I know every main is gonna be okay (there was only ever one exception to this) and they're not going to kill one of their children either. So I simply couldn't get into the mindset of feeling sad over Denny dying because I knew he wasn't going to.

I love that we got more HenRen and I wish next time Karen and Eddie share a scene, it'll be a less tragic one. I love Denny so much, the actor is so good and such a cutie, I'm glad he got to shine. It's also funny that once you get old enough in the show, you're fair game to be in harm's way. Rite of passage.

Chim was so scary and cute and great as well. I just think Kenny's so good at everything and the show sometimes failed to properly take advantage of his skills so I'm glad they're finally getting to showcase his range fully and all at once.

Peter was also having the time of his life being a carefree version of Bobby, and I'm here for it.

Josh's whole costume being Eddie's mustache. Plus Buck also having one. Ryan, the man that you are.

Maddie, once again, going for the kitty ears.

The teacher... I know her pain.

About the next episode ~more spoilers~:

They really are having an "Eddie Begins" type of emergency on an episode called "Confessions" which will focus on Eddie. I'm sure it's gonna be just fine. I'm sure nothing major will happen with my favorite character in the world, Eddie Díaz. I'm sure.

[enm-enthusiast]

Office Party Prank

I dedicate this story to @suitedwestend! He has been an amazing and supportive fellow ENM writer, so I thought it was only fair to write this little story, in his honor ;) 

Marcus was the office golden boy, he had only been on the job for six months and already he had gotten a promotion and a raise in the office, making him the envy of many who had been there for far longer. Standing at 6 '0, light brown eyes and with short light brown hair, Marcus wasn’t a heavily built man but was very fit as well, his suits that he constantly wore to work clung to his sexy body especially his famous bubble butt.

One co-worker in particular who had a bone to pick with Marcus was a bitter rival, a tall, ginger man named Eric who resented him because Eric had been in the running for the promotion just before Marcus arrived. Despite that the company was doing much better with him around, and everyone in the office adored him, Eric saw him as a stuck-up snob who needed to be taken down a peg or two.

Eric would get his chance when the annual office Christmas party was coming up, where everyone was buzzing about what they wanted to wear. Eric overheard Marcus talking to a group of their coworkers that he was planning to wear a special suit he had in his office that was decorated with candy canes and christmas tree embroidery. A devilish idea popped into Eric’s head then to get his revenge on Marcus.

Marcus himself was a very confident but well-mannered man, but on the inside was very self-conscious about himself due to still being new. He also chose to constantly wear suits to work because of his dissatisfaction with his natural appearance. Unbeknownst to him, however, men and women in the office alike constantly eyed him, especially his backside whenever he walked past them. His secret nickname amongst those who found him hot was “Sexy Suit Marcus” and would gossip about how much his tight pants clung to his bubble butt.

Despite this, Marcus had no wish to present himself as anything other than the prim, well-groomed man he was at work, god forbid he wear casual clothes amongst them or show any skin besides his face and hands. Unfortunately for him, however, his deepest fears were about to come true as Eric took the night shift a few nights before the Christmas party…and with no one but him around he snuck into Marcus’ office, which was luckily unlocked for him.

Eric, despite his resentment, admired how clean and organized the office was, which made it easy for him to find a small closet off to the side, in which he found the suit Marcus was planning to wear hanging inside, along with a few spare suit outfits. 

Smiling devilishly to himself, Eric said “haha, time to show off the goods, Marcus” he said as he brought out a needle, thread, and scissors, and with a last, vicious chuckle, he got to work…

A few days later…

It was time for the office Christmas Party, Marcus had just walked into his office and was changing into his chosen attire when he felt something was off, and said “hmmm, this thing feels…different than it did the first time I wore it” he said out loud to himself. He finished pulling on his pants which were peppered with candy canes along the legs, and his suit overcoat had two big Christmas trees on the front. He had also chosen to go commando tonight, as he was out of any clean pairs of undies, but decided that for tonight it shouldn’t be a problem. 

When he had finished fully dressing himself, Marcus left his office towards the main area past the cubicles, as he got closer he heard co workers voices as they chatted and soft christmas music in the background. He arrived with a smile on his face, and everyone turned to greet him with a smile in return, some even said:

“Hey man! Nice suit”

“Right? I think it fits him perfectly, outlines all the right curves too…”

“Don’t mind her Marcus, she’s just had a little too much to drink”

Despite their reassurances, her comment made Marcus blush a little in his cheeks, and he scratched his head in embarrassment. 

Meanwhile, Eric was off to the side, drinking soda out of his cup and eyeing Marcus suspiciously and ignoring most people’s attempts to talk to him, instead he responded with “hmmm” or simple grunts of understanding. He was waiting for his efforts to come to fruition which made his heart pound with excitement as he knew it could happen at any moment now.

Marcus continued to mingle with his co workers, and inhibitions were being gradually lowered as several of his peers drank and more open attempts to flirt with him were being heard all around. One such one was where a lanky, 5’11 dark-haired lad was talking with him, and said: 

“You know, at parties back home we had this little thing where the hottest guy in the room had to lose his pants, care to lose yours?” he said, locking his eyes with Marcus whose face was turning completely red and was chuckling nervously as he didn’t respond.

“Relax, I’m just teasing, after all it’s a party, now go have fun” he said, playfully pushing Marcus towards the crowd. His blush didn’t go unnoticed by others but it gradually died down, what did not, however was that his cock was starting to rise in his jeans from the constant flirting.

Indeed, many pairs of inebriated eyes gazed at him, some he noticed, others he didn’t.

Eric was practically giggling with delight, it was all coming together, and sure enough the first part of his plan was about to come to realization as suddenly the office began feeling very, very warm.

“Did someone forget to clean out the filter again?” one of them complained. The office air conditioner would stop working if too much dust built up, so it had to be cleaned at least once a week to keep it cool inside. Soon, everyone began to shed the top layers of their clothing, some guys even took off their shirts. Notions of modesty escaped everyone as the temperature continued to rise.

What everyone didn’t know was that Eric had also snuck into the where the air filters were and had rigged them to shut off around this time, his smile was hidden beneath his cup and he eyed the entire office before gluing them back to Marcus, who refused to take off his suit jacket.

Marcus, despite saying he was fine was visibly sweating and was dying to lighten off the top layers of his clothing but his self-consciousness got the better of him…until his coworkers decided to lend him a hand.

“Marcus, you’re obviously sweating like a pig under that, just take off the suit jacket it’s not a big deal” the dark-haired lad from before, James, said who was now shirtless himself, his hairless pale torso in plain view for everyone to see.

“I don’t know…it’s just…ugh you wouldn’t understand” Marcus said, his face beet red.

James set down his cup and grabbed Marcus by the tie and said “doesn’t matter if I understand or not, I do understand that your sexy ass needs to cool off…so how about I just-” he paused and lifted his hands up towards Marcus’ shoulders and started to pull down his suit jack which revealed his white dress shirt underneath.

Marcus wanted to protest, but he was frozen in shock as James gently removed his jacket and draped it over the side of the chair next to him, immediately feeling a cool breeze around his torso and breathed a sigh of relief.

“See? Feels better doesn’t it” James said. 

“Yeah…I have to admit, it does” Marcus said, scratching his head again nervously as the red in his face faded away.

Marcus started to feel strange as he continued to chat with James, he felt weird sensations around the edges of his shirt and the seat of his pants as the temperature continued to rise in the office, and now some people had taken off their pants as a result.

Eric meanwhile had finally set down his cup, the time had come, he put on a show of stumbling as if he was heavily drunk towards Marcus’ direction, and he eyed the drink in his hands as his target. 

Sure enough, Marcus didn’t expect Eric to suddenly bump right into him so hard he lost his grip on his cup which fell to the floor, his drink spilling across the tile. 

“Oh mannn….I’m so sowry Marcus” Eric said, purposely slurring his speech. 

Marcus just smiled nervously and said “oh it’s nothing dude, don’t worry about it” he said and he gathered up some napkins and Eric watched, his heart thundering in his chest as he came back and proceeded to bend over…

As he lowered himself and his knees bent, Marcus felt that strange sensation again, and he heard and felt what sounded like threads snapping around the seat of his pants. He felt the fabric clinging to his backside tighten and clench against his ass cheeks, tightening and tightening until…

RIIIIIPPPPPP

Gasps of shock echoed around the entire office as Marcus’ pants ripped at the seams of his backside and sure enough, both of his cheeks were on full display. Not only that, but when his pants ripped open so violently the force of it made his cheeks bounce and jiggle in front of everyone.

the rip was large enough for his entire ass to be on display, each were a perfect round with enough thickness to each cheek that they jiggled with each step they took when freed from the confines of his pants. Marcus gasped in shock and cried out in embarrassment and tried to stand up but he managed to slip on the wet floor and fell on his back, his bare cheeks pressing against the floor.

Eric was simply delighted at seeing Marcus so humiliated, but he wasn’t done with him yet…no, it was time for step 3 as he motioned to James to help grab onto Marcus’ arms and help him up. They each grabbed on the cuff of Marcus’ white dress shirt, and when they *pulled* Marcus felt that sensation once more and tried to shout for them to step but too late as the fabric seams gave way and…

RIIPPPPPP

They each tore off an arm from Marcus’ shirt, leaving just his white undershirt and his torn open from the back pants. 

Marcus was panicking now, something was seriously wrong with his suit! He had to act fast or else he was going to lose more clothes but while he was thinking Eric said to James:

“Let’s try lifting him up by his chest, must have been a cheap shirt, let’s lift him up on 3…” he said, and James nodded, confused and concerned for his friend.

Eric started counting down, “1” he said and Marcus tried to protest but James retorted they were just trying to help him as both he and James bent down and grabbed him by his chest, each having handfuls of his shirt in their hands.

“2” he said, looking James directly in the eyes and they each tightened their grip.

Marcus’ eyes widened and he tried to say “uh…guys, I don’t think this is-” 

“3” Eric said and they lifted Marcus up and successfully managed to stand him back up, however, the seams of his undershirt came apart slowly as they lifted him. This kept Marcus’s shirt on as they lifted him up but as his feet touched the ground and they attempted to pull, Marcus’ shirt came undone and another loud rip sounded as both Eric and James came away with large strips of his shirt in their hands, leaving him bare-chested.

Marcus's nipples were flat due to the heat, but his chest glistened with sweat from the high temperature which made him stick out all the more. He had some but minimal chest hair that started around his pecs and ended with a treasure trails of tiny hairs that traveled down towards his crotch.

Marcus’s face was completely red now, and as he looked down at himself he panicked and thought to himself that his coworkers were “accidentally” stripping him! All he had left were his pants which he just realized were still torn open and he moved to cover his backside.

He looked around as everyone in the room was staring at them, some even had their phones out! It was all too much, he needed to get away before something worse happened.

Eric meanwhile struggled to contain his laughter, and he noticed that Marcus was about to attempt to flee, and he knew that now was the time to enact his ultimate revenge, and in his head he thought to himself “time to get naked” and smirked slightly.

Marcus said “I’m ummm…going to get changed…be right back!” he said, turning his red face away and turning around to flee, but before he could get far…

“Wait, you forgot your jacket” Eric said and lunged to stop Marcus from running and luckily for him he managed to grab the back of Marcus’ pants from the top and he *pulled* as if to stop him but in reality he knew that the fabric seams he sabotaged last night and glued back together were coming undone, all it needed to rip away…was a little pull. Sure enough, as Eric pulled Marcus yelled “Nooooo!” as he felt the sensations around the sides of his pants return and felt the fabric completely snap and then….

RIIIIPPPPPPPPP

Eric had lunged in a way that saw him pulling his pants downwards and as the pants themselves ripped away completely, so did they as they fell to the floor. Marcus’ last shred of dignity was stripped away, leaving him butt naked in front of everyone.

He turned around to face Eric, and he made the mistake of not covering up his crotch, where his cock was already rising, it's length curving towards its full 7 inches, and so everyone had not only seen his bubble butt, they had seen his cock and balls! Marcus’ humiliation was total and complete as some took out their phones to record his shame.

Marcus covered himself but it was little use as everyone had already seen, and his cock refused to go down, his shame was plain on his face as he stood there naked and utterly humiliated.

Eric stood back up, strips of Marcus’ pants in his hands and smiled as he gazed at Marcus’ bare, naked body and thought to himself “hahaha, how’s it feel to be exposed fully naked? And wtf, you're getting hard? Not just a loser, are you? you're a pervert” he thought.

James stared in shock and unlike most others, he decided to step in between Marcus and the others and said “guys, what the hell? Stop recording, it’s not funny, we all saw it now move on” he said. As soon as he said it, everyone began to put away their phones, shame on their own faces and they all looked away guiltily except for Eric who continued to savor his triumph.

James turned to Marcus, grabbed him by the shoulders and said, “hey, come one, let’s get you some clothes” he said and led Marcus away towards his office, his cheeks jiggling and bouncing as he went.

As Marcus composed and recovered himself, he turned to James and said “t-thanks man” he said.

James smiled at him reassuringly and said “don’t mention it, besides, I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to repay me one day” he said, giving him a wink. Despite that his face turned redder, a shudder of excitement ran down Marcus’ entire body, including his cock which throbbed beneath his hands.

He had no idea that his repayment would be something he not only would give soon, but that he’d enjoy it more than James would.

End of Part 1.

Hope you all enjoyed this, especially my good friend who this story is dedicated to! I’ll post part 2 shortly, along with the next chapter of The Exhibitionists Club, until then…enjoy!

[little-mouse-adventures]

A Timeline of Events in the Artemis Fowl Series

If anyone's interested, I did do an actual analysis for where I pulled some of these dates from. But because I cannot type succinctly to save my life, it's 5,000 words long, so that's below the cut. I also put the timeline there again, but in three separate images, so hopefully they load well enough to be fully legible if the above isn't.

A thousand thanks to @sadbitchapologist and @zahnie for their help and advice with this, despite neither of them having any more than the barest interest in the series and therefore having no clue what I was on about. Thanks also to @orangerosebush for fielding completely out-of-the-blue questions about the French school system, so I didn't have to attempt to navigate web search results to figure out what mandatory gym classes were like for the sole purpose of plotting Luc's birthday on here.

An Analysis of the Timelines in the Artemis Fowl Series

A Brief Introduction

The Artemis Fowl series is made up of eight books covering a range of years and events. I wanted to see how accurate the timelines present in the books were, as well as try and plot out some other details implied in the novels but not explicitly stated, to have a better understanding of the overall world-building. To that end, I went through the series and made the above timeline. I colour-coded it based on the relevance of the specific items to certain categories, namely Humans, Fairies, Villains, and the Series itself. This does mean that some things could have fit into multiple categories. For instance, you will see some items involving Opal categorized as Fairy-Specific (such as her college years, as those are fairly neutral to the main plot or her villainy), Villain-Specific (such as her setting up her emergency fund, as that is mostly related to her schemes as opposed to relevant to her existence as a fairy, or part of the main plot of the series), and Plot-Specific (such as her opening the Berserker Gate, the primary plot point for the final book).

Before we really delve into things though, we should establish the baseline assumptions I was working with. Firstly, I am only using the original series. I have not used anything written in The Fowl Twins trilogy, given that those books seem to ret-con a considerable amount of the original information, and that is far too many headaches to give myself. Any supplemental series information, such as the short stories found in The Artemis Fowl Files, or anything from interviews is also not included. The premise here is: using just the original books, what is the event timeline of the world? The second thing we need to establish is that I am using the North American releases of the novels. I did make notes on where each bit of information comes from, but there isn’t really a citation style for this kind of thing, so I’m not sure how relevant that is. The third assumption is that the first book takes place the year it was originally published. According to my copy, the original publication was 2001, with the first American paperback edition coming out in 2002, and the first mass market paperback being released in 2003. This means our starting point is in 2001.

For sake of clarity, this analysis will start with setting the dates of the books and continue on from there.

The Basics of The Books

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the first book, Artemis Fowl (AF). It is actually not until the very end of the book that we get a solid answer for when it takes place. It’s only in the last few pages of the novel that Angeline Fowl leaves her attic room after all the plot points are tied up and announces that it is Christmas Day. This might be cause for concern – Angeline had not previously been established as a particularly reliable narrator – but given that we are asked to believe that Holly’s ‘feel better’ mood booster worked, and that neither Butler nor Artemis balk at or question the pronouncement that is Christmas Day, we’ll accept that it’s true and move on. This means that, with Butler’s earlier announcement that he was stuck doing four months of stakeout, we can say with a fair amount of certainty that Artemis obtained and translated the Fairy Book in September 2001, and managed to capture a fairy in December of the same year.

Moving on to Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident (TAI), we are given a decent chunk of information, albeit spread out a bit. The first is the announcement that the ransom drop for Artemis Fowl I is to be held on the fourteenth. The fourteenth of what, you might ask? Well, we are told that Artemis is currently thirteen years old. Clearly, things are past September 1, 2002 (we know Artemis’s birthday is September 1 based on information in both the fifth and seventh books). We are also told that Luc Carrere has been trading with the goblins for six months, starting in July. That puts us in either December or January, but we can narrow it down further since Artemis gives us another helpful clue. He mentions they are not expecting to see the dawn while attempting to rescue his father in the Arctic. There are only a few latitudes on Earth where polar night (of any type) occurs, and at Murmansk, polar twilight occurs between December 10 – January 2. Combining all of this, we learn that TAI takes place December 14, 2002, give or take a few days to either side.

This can be corroborated by information in Book 3, Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code (TEC). After Holly heals Artemis Senior, we are told that it takes over two months for him to wake up. Since we are specifically told two months, as opposed to two and a half or three, we can conclude that the events of TEC take place in March 2003. Mulch gives us some information that confirms this. He was living in LA “less than four months ago,” and since he was conscripted to help with the events of TAI in December, a March plotline fits the bill. We are given further confirmation as well: Spiro mentions that Artemis will be fourteen in six months. A specific date for Artemis & Co.’s attack on Spiro’s Needle can be pulled from the throw-away line that Pex and Chips are “burying” Mulch on the full moon. A quick web search tells us that the full moon in March of 2003 takes place on March 14, and the rest of the events in the novel take place roughly two days to either side of that.

In Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception (TOD), the fourth book in the series, we are given several very clear indications of when the events take place. Firstly, Artemis is contemplating that at fourteen years and three months old, he is the youngest person to successfully obtain The Fairy Thief. Based on previously noted details that his birthday is in September, the events of TOD must take place in December of 2003. Additionally, we are told that things are the middle of winter and Opal has been in a coma for eleven months and counting as of the end of TAI, another December plot.

Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony (TLC) requires the most math and interpretation so far to figure out when it takes place. We know Artemis is still fourteen, so the main events clearly happen sometime between January 2004 and September 2004. Beyond that, we are using a fair amount of context clues. Artemis and Butler have evidently been traveling for four months looking for demons, so we are dealing with events in at least May. But that still leaves us several summertime months to work with, so to establish a timeline here, we will need to look forward a bit. In the sixth book, Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox (TTP), it’s noted that Artemis is not yet fifteen, and has, on multiple occasions, spent the full moon in the study. Ergo, he’s spent at least a few months back from Hybras. If he has been back for two months and not yet turned fifteen, he would have had to have returned by July at the latest, and since he returns almost three years later than he leaves, we are looking at him returning in either May or June. This would have him disappearing to Hybras – and by extension, dealing with the earlier events in the book – in June, July, or August. After his conversation with Minerva, he notes to Butler that they “are planning a June wedding,” which wouldn’t make sense to say if they were currently in the month of June. From all of this, we can extrapolate that the first three-quarters of TLC take place in late July or early August 2004, with the triumphant return of our intrepid heroes occurring in June 2007.

As previously stated, TTP mentions that Artemis is still not fifteen, but is nearly there. He has also been home again for at least two months. This would put the events of the sixth book in August 2007. At least, the events set in the current time period. TTP does bring back time travel, and with it some problems. We are told that Artemis and Holly jump back nearly eight years to Artemis being ten and trying to fund searches for his missing father. This would put the events of the past in early 2000. However, other details presented regarding Artemis Senior’s disappearance, which we will discuss later, make that impossible. Artemis also admits, in TEC, that he was eleven when his father disappeared, not ten. If we take a bit of creative license with our interpretations and base the time-jump to the past on other presented information as opposed to the dates given in TTP, we can say that Holly and Artemis instead return to early 2001. This lines up with further details, such as the sinking of the Fowl Star (as calculated a few paragraphs down in this analysis) occurring in December of 2000, and the textual confirmation in TTP that it’s barely two months past that sinking when Artemis brokers the deal(s) regarding the silky sifaka lemur. Since, at the end of the day, the time jump impacts very little in the grand scheme of things, and the year 2001 actually fits in better with other textual evidence and events, that’s what I’m going with for this timeline.

The seventh book, Artemis Fowl: The Atlantis Complex (TAC) gives us a very helpful base point! It takes place on Artemis’s fifteenth birthday, September 1. From our previous results on setting dates for book events, that would be September 1, 2007. The sections in which Butler and Juliet are fighting mesmerized wrestling fans and meeting up with Mulch are noted in the novel as happening “the day before,” which would fall on August 31, 2007.

Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian (TLG), the eighth and final book in the series, creates some problems. If we assume that Artemis starts receiving treatment for his Atlantis Complex immediately after diagnosis in TAC¸ that would put him receiving treatment in September 2007. We are told he is certified as cured after six months. Yet we are also told that the rest of the events of the book take place in the week or so leading up to the Christmas holidays. Everything so far has said that the Artemis Fowl series follows the current calendar, in which case there is no way that six months can fit between September 1, 2007 and December 25, 2007. However, the only reference to Christmas is in two lines noting that the Fowl parents were planning on holidaying with their children on a foreign beach. If we simply say that six months have passed, and they are instead planning on spending the Irish school system’s spring holidays in the French Riviera, everything else lines up much better. So that’s what I’ve done. This would also put the resurrection of Artemis, after the events of the book and a further six months have passed, at roughly September of 2008. There is a pleasing symmetry to Artemis being born and then re-born in September, though if you want to get really technical and say the events of TLG take place during the 2008 March full moon as Opal claims (as noted in another web search as March 28), a six-month wait time for the clone to grow would put the resurrection in October. Still, there is something to be said for having a boy’s ghost haunting a clone of himself close to All Hallows. Since it’s the last plot point of the series, you can choose which you’d like; it doesn’t have to lead to anything else after it.

Let’s Talk Timelines: The Beginning of the Line to The End of The 19th Century

Now that we have our baseline book time periods established, we can get into the math used to determine some of the events in the timeline above. Several events are easy; we are given specific dates for them. Turnball Root meets Leonor in 1938, Juliet wins the Miss Sugar Beet Fair beauty contest in 1999. Other things are based on some basic math, such as Artemis claiming his parents got married fourteen years prior to AF¸ putting that event in 1987.

The majority of the items on the above timeline, however, do take some mathematics, extrapolation, and interpretation to plot out. To try and keep everything organized, we’ll start at the far left of the timeline, and work our way forwards, looking at events oldest-to-newest to explain why they are where they are on the graph. I won’t be getting too in-depth on everything in the graph, since I’m not sure how relevant the notes on the very minor side characters such as Carla Frazetti are, but I’ll at least try to touch on some of the more relevant points.

To start with, the Battle of Taillte was noted in the 2000’s as being ten thousand years ago, putting that at 8000 BCE. Similarly, the last dome breach at Atlantis was apparently eight thousand years ago in the 2000’s, so that would be 6000 BCE. Troll sideshows were legal in the early middle ages, which implies they were not legal after that. A quick web search says the early middle ages ended around 1000. The first crusades were in 1096-1099, and as those crusades are the start point of the Butler-Fowl working relationship, a point for noting that comes next on the graph.

From there, we get into more modern – relatively speaking – events. Briar Cudgeon and Julius Root are noted as attending the LEP Academy together and being raised in the same tunnel, as well as having about 600 years of history together. If one assumes “being raised in the same tunnel” is similar to the human equivalent of “growing up in the same neighbourhood,” we can assume the two were born roughly 600 years ago, in the 1400’s. Vinyaya is portrayed as being of a similar age to Root, so her birth can also be put in the same general era. We are also told that Fowl Manor was originally a castle built in the fifteenth century, that in the early 2000’s the theories of timeline corruption were first introduced over five centuries ago, and that cloning has been banned for over five hundred years, so those three events are also tossed into the 1400’s.

Julius Root is noted as doing his LEP basic training 500 years ago in Ireland, so that would have to be in the 1500’s. He would have attended the Academy before then, putting that in the mid-to-late 1400’s. As previously stated, he was in the Academy with Cudgeon. Opal also met Cudgeon in college, and competed with Foaly for science prizes there, so they were all in school at the same time.

Mulch now enters the picture. We aren’t ever given a specific age range for him, but we are told about his career. He has, apparently, spent three centuries in and out of prison after a couple centuries of success as a thief. This would make him at least five hundred years old. There is a brief mention that he tried the athletic route at college before becoming a thief, so he would have to be an adult at that point, putting his age at roughly 550 years during the events of the series.

We then enter a period filled in from one-off lines throughout the series, presumably added to give some depth to the world. Things about the wine cellar at Fowl Manor being a seventeenth century addition, Captain Eusebius Fowl and his crew dying in the eighteenth century, and Mulch first faking his own death over two hundred years ago.

Time Marches On: The 20th Century

There is nothing of much relevance to linger on between the 1550’s and the 20th century, so we’ll jump ahead to the 1900’s, when we have Holly Short’s birthday. She is in her eighties during TLC, and her father died “over twenty years ago” when she was “barely sixty” as of TAI. Based on that, she would have been in her early eighties in 2002, putting her birthday sometime in the 1920’s. What a doll.

A few more birthdays now appear, and we’ll ignore, for the most part, some of the irrelevant ones. I don’t think we are at all concerned with Gaspard Paradizo’s birthday, or Mikhael Vassikin. We are, however, rather more interested in Jon Spiro, Domovoi Butler, and Artemis Fowl I.

Jon Spiro enters the series in TEC, as a middle-aged American. A quick search on the Internet says that middle age is generally noted as being between the ages of 40 to 60. We are told that Spiro has worked in three main industries over the past two and a half decades. Additionally, we are told that law enforcement has been “trying to put [him] away for thirty years.” If we assume he entered the working world at twenty, spent five years developing his professional self, and then started going down a path of questionable legality to get the police after him, that would put him at fifty-five in 2003, and born in the late 1940’s.

It was a bit easier to determine Domovoi Butler’s age, and we can get more specific with his actual birthday. We are told that he is forty at the start of TEC, and he is still forty during TOD. From that, we can assume his birthday is not between March – December, which means it has to be between January – March. Now, we can just leave things there, but contextually, Butler says in late March 2003 that “a lot of people know [him] as a forty-year old man.” Since I doubt he’s the kind of person who introduces himself by announcing that his birthday was last week, we can assume that his birthday is not in March. Since about half the books in the series take place in December, and there is never any mention of Butler’s birthday coming up soon, we can likely assume it isn’t in January. We can therefore conclude Butler was born in February, 40 years before 2003, which puts his birth year in 1963.

We then have Artemis Fowl I. This one took the most extrapolation to determine. We know he has run an ethical empire for a few years as of 2007, which coincides with his return to his family after being kidnapped by the Mafia. He apparently ran a successful criminal empire for two decades before that, though, so in 2007 he has been working for at least 25 years. Based on the interactions he had with his own son, I’ve assumed he was also taught to take over the family business from a young age. If he started working at his age of majority at 18 (as possible in the 1980’s in Ireland, based on a web search), we can assume he was born in roughly the mid 60’s.

Billy Kong, born Jonah Lee, is one to touch on. He plays a large role in TLC, during which we are given possibly the most backstory of any villain in the series. He was evidently born in the early 1970’s, and was eight years old in the early 1980’s. Mathematically, that can only lend itself to so many birth years, so it’s easy enough to put his birthdate somewhere in 1973, and his brother’s death date in 1981.

While we’re here, let’s talk about the 1980’s. A lot of things happen in the 80’s, so we’ll be here for a few paragraphs. Butler would have graduated Madam Ko’s Academy in the early ‘80s, Artemis I would have started working in his family’s business and stolen some warrior mummies (of note, the theft is only noted as being in Artemis Sr.’s “gangster days,” but if you are a young, rich criminal, you’d likely commit a wild theft in your early years as opposed to your thirties, which is why this is put in here). Additionally, in the mid 1980’s, Holly graduates the LEP Academy and her mother dies, as noted in TTP when she is contemplating missing three years of her friends lives.

Butler would have started his five-year stint in Russia with an espionage unit in the mid-to-late 80’s, and become a big brother in 1985. Juliet is noted at being four years older than Artemis in AF in 2001, and he is twelve then, making her sixteen at the time. We can extrapolate the month from TEC, wherein she is apparently eighteen when she is called regarding her brother’s apparent death. At the time, we are told what gifts she received for her birthday, implying it was fairly recent. Additionally, Artemis was only thirteen at that time, which would make Juliet five years older than Artemis. If, however, we trust that acolytes at Madam Ko’s start their training on their tenth birthday and get one chance to graduate per year, it would make sense for that one chance to be on their birthday, or within a day or two to allow for as much training time as possible. Since Juliet was in the midst of this one graduation evaluation when she gets the phone call and joins the crew for the March heist at Spiro’s Needle, she’d have to be born in March. (We can also corroborate this with some details from AF: if AF  takes place in mid-September, that would be just after Artemis’s birthday, which puts the 4-year age difference back into play.)

Spelltropy begins for the People in 1987, if it appeared 20 years ago from 2007. Artemis I and Angeline Fowl would get married in 1987. They would have their first child, Artemis Fowl II, in 1989, as calculated by Artemis being twelve during the initial siege of the Manor in December 2001. Artemis II’s grandfather was noted as having been dead for over ten years at that point, and it was mentioned in TEC that Angeline married her husband before he really took over the family business, so those events would likely happen when Artemis was but a baby in 1990.

The ‘90s are a period where a lot of things are happening, but few are particularly important. Spelltropy has a cure found, Minerva Paradizo is born, Juliet begins her bodyguard training and her brother refuses to let her shave her hair. These, and other events in the 90’s, are mostly calculated by math along the lines of “Event A happened X number of years ago,” but since the 90’s was mostly a time of worldbuilding events rather than plot events, we’ll just skim over the specific details.

‘You Are Here’: The 21st Century, and Where The Storytelling Begins

Welcome to the 2000’s! The kick-off point of not only the 2000’s, but also the entire series, is the sinking of the Fowl Star. We aren’t given a specific date for this, but we are given enough information to extrapolate the date. Specifically, in September 2001, in AF, we are told Fowl Sr. has been missing for almost a year. In TAI, in December, we are told he has been missing for almost two years. That does have the potential to have the ship go down in either December or January, so we need to use a bit more details from TAI to make a final determination. Mikhael Vassikin and Kamar were told to dump Fowl’s body in the Kola if he didn’t wake up in “another year,” so they’ve been looking after him for one at that point. Fowl Sr. wakes up two weeks before the deadline, and as noted earlier, the ransom drop for him takes place December 14, after he has been awake for perhaps a week. From that, we can tell that the deadline for “another year” was mid to late December, putting the initial sinking of the Fowl Star in late 2000.

The analysis gets a bit confusing at this point, because 2001 is when future Artemis and Holly join the party via time travel, as well as having their regular selves in the timestream. Essentially, we’ve established the timeline for the events of TTP above, so we know the whole lemur fiasco takes place in March 2001. Artemis wakes up at the end of that book thinking about fairies, which ties in rather neatly to him then dragging Butler across three continents for six false alarms (with an assumed approximate 3 weeks between each jaunt) before striking metaphorical gold in Ho Chi Minh City in September. During their time-traveling, Holly also gets a chance to talk to Root, who wonders why she isn’t in Hamburg, which was noted in AF as Holly’s first major failure as a Recon officer and was nearly preceding the events of AF. The time-traveling would also mean that Opal would have had to harvest her DNA for future diabolical plans before March 2001, when her younger self travels to the future. Since it takes up to two years to grow a clone to adulthood, and her clone has to be ready in September 2003, we are a few months off in the time requirements, but really, for a practice that’s been outlawed for 500 years, I can offer a bit of leeway.

We are now well and truly in the thick of the main events of the series. Most of this will be tied into the initial assessments we made way at the beginning of this essay, where we established when each book occurs. Because of this, we aren’t going to spend time on anything plot-related. However, a brief note on Turnball Root and Artemis’s Atlantis Complex is likely in order. Artemis was, as previously stated, dealing with his return from Hybras and the after-effects of stealing magic during July and August of 2007. His Atlantis Complex, and Turnball Root’s plan to escape the Deeps prison, are in full swing in September of that year. We have a brief note in TAC during the evacuation of Atlantis, that Turnball had, a month before, spied on Artemis and noted his Atlantis Complex developing. Therefore, Artemis’s Complex likely came into play in late July or early August 2007. This is close enough to Artemis’s magic theft to make sense for the deterioration of his mental health, and enough time for Butler to have started to notice something was wrong, as he did. We can therefore assume that Atlantis Complex, at least in the case of magic-stealing humans who have a propensity for time travel and getting involved in supremely complicated and improbable plots, develops relatively quickly.

This leaves just one major discussion point from the last few books: the age of Artemis’s twin brothers, Beckett and Myles. The twins are first introduced at the very end of TLC. They are written as being two during the events of TTP, three during the events of TAC, and four during the events of TLG. Regardless of the time-traveling shenanigans of their elder brother, it is impossible for the twins to age two years in the eight months between Artemis’s return from Hybras in June 2007 and the finale of the series in March of 2008, so we need to look at what makes sense.

Myles has already potty-trained himself, and done so at fourteen months, so they must be at least that old. Their other behaviours would make sense for them to be two in TTP. Diapers are still a part of their lives, and their language and vocabulary fit what a two-year-old would have, at least in Beckett’s case. Since Artemis was surprised by their existence, it doesn’t seem likely that  Angeline would have known she was pregnant, or at least not have told Artemis yet, when he went to Limbo. Ergo, they can’t be any older than two, since (one would hope) Artemis would have noticed his mother’s pregnancy if the twins were any older.

Additionally, in TLG, we know Artemis gave his brother a birthday present, so he had to have been around during the twin’s birthday at least once. With this fact, the twins cannot be born between March – June, which just leaves the question of when are the twins born?

 The most logical answer is February 2005. If Angeline was early on in her pregnancy, say six weeks (which is when most women start noticing symptoms), when Artemis disappeared in July 2004, she wouldn’t necessarily have told him yet. Then, if we assume that since most twin births occur around the 35-week mark, that would math out to having the twins be born in February of 2005. Fast forward, and they would turn one in February 2006, and two in February 2007, which puts them at the correct age for the events of TTP. [One could argue, of course, that a twin pregnancy in an older woman (unfortunately, there is nothing in the series to indicate Angeline’s age) and in a woman already dealing with significant stress could result in a very premature birth, thereby voiding any of this math and leaving the whole question of the twin’s birthday unanswered. However, since I’d rather not subject the Fowl parents to the strife and misery of having one son missing and presumed dead, and their younger children in the NICU with a low survival rate, I’m working with the assumption that the pregnancy was a healthy and normal one.]

The brief comment from Juliet in TAC about the twins being three can be passed off by them being a little over two-and-a-half and Juliet not being around as she is touring in Mexico. By the time TLG takes place, in March of 2008, the twins would have had their third birthday, allowing for Artemis to give Myles his chair as a birthday present, Beckett to be old enough to no longer need diapers, and the behaviours to act more like children than infants. While this doesn’t quite allow for the repeated textual confirmations in TLG that the twins are four, we’ll go with what mathematically makes sense.

That brings us to the end of the timeline! Not everything is touched on in the timeline, and not everything in the books is plotted (we are never given enough context to know Foaly’s or Opal’s birthdates, for instance). But the main events of the Artemis Fowl series are all analyzed, mathematically or logically or textually corroborated, and plotted out, for use or ignoring as personal preference dictates.

[billiethekig]

So I want to recount the entire experience commissioning a custom mask from BCK, because I think it will be helpful for others and also so I don't forget this experience.

My initial kig mask is a semi-custom based on a pre-made mask base by Munimuni Works. I purchased it on sale and gradually I used it to create my first kigurumi character, who is loosely based on a real life person (or the specific style of the person during a specific point of time). I adore Green Day and I thought that becoming a kig version of Billie Joe would be fun. And it is!

But I wanted more. After a few months with the first mask, I knew I wanted to commission a custom mask made just for me. I thought about what character I'd always wanted to cosplay but never got around to doing it, and my mind settled on Nagisa Shiota from Assassination Classroom, a quiet and kind boy who ends up becoming one of the deadliest of Korosensei's students. And honestly the stealth aspect of the character appealed to me as someone who was going to crossplay, and honestly I was really looking forward to maybe someday even wearing the dress he wore while undercover.

As I mentioned, I like how kigurumi plays around with gender and it's not too difficult to portray a gender you don't identify as.

Anyway, I did some research on twitter and google and decided that I'd ask Black Cat Kig to do the mask. I had already purchased a custom hadatai from Moli's Lab (their main site) and I was impressed with the quality and the amount of options they gave for the hada.

My initial inquiry was sent in early September, and BCK was very enthusiastic about working with me. Great! But I had a LOT of issues trying to pay them. Their online store wouldn't accept any of my payments and even Paypal was giving me a hard time. I had to inquire directly with them and the eventually created an invoice for me which I paid. I think because I didn't get a real order number from them, that caused some issues later on.

But they received my payment and requested measurements and some reference photos of the character: front, back, and each side of the head. Luckily, these images were easy to find and I sent them over. They mentioned that they would begin work on my mask in late October or early November.

I should mention that, if you order from them, you will have to email them for updates at regular intervals. They never initiated the emails, even when there were issues with the mask, so if you want to keep track of the process, you have to keep checking in with them. There were a few times where the process was starting to take longer than anticipated and they didn't tell me why. They gave a couple of deadlines which passed without updates unless I kept emailing them. I'm wondering that this was an issue because I didn't actually order through their site; I only sent them Paypal money directly. So the communications were hampered by that.

The actual mask creation took about 6 weeks, I'd say, and there were more issues because I had wanted to get more than one face-plate, so keep that in mind if you're ordering something from them.

Even shipping info was difficult because they had initially given me the wrong tracking number. I didn't even think there was an issue because they shipped the mask right before Christmas and I assumed that the slowness was due to the holiday, until I was at SacAnime and got an alert saying the package had arrived!

But I'm very impressed with the quality of the mask. It is absolutely custom made for me, and fits my head perfectly. Its a full head mask, with fasteners on the sides. I really wanted to experience a fully lockable mask. The visibility is through the little slits above the character's eyes, which is slightly less than Billie. His eyes are actually plastic lenses that are somewhat easy to see out of, but for Nagisa, the vision is mostly through those slits. I think I would feel warier if I kigged as him in public. Because I was able to see quite well as Billie, well enough to navigate crowds without a handler. But anyway, Nagisa is brand-new, so there's still lots to learn.

I do recommend BCK for kig masks, despite the multiple stumbling blocks I experienced, I think overall the experience was positive, and the quality is impressive.

Also, they sent a LOT of extra things along with the mask and the extra faceplate. Extra foam for the mask, an extra pair of locks, two keys for the locks, a magic eraser, extra sets of eyes, and even items to help repair the mask if the wig's pig tails ever go awry.

And finally: price. They list their masks as starting at $750 for a 3/4 head mask and $800 for a full-head, which is what I bought. They charged an extra $300 for the extra face plate, which hiked the price up to $1100, and then shipping costs around $150-$300, depending on how quickly you want to receive it.

Pricy? Yes, of course, but it was still in the budget I'd set for myself, and considering that this item is a one of a kind work of wearable art, I think the price is worth it. Also considering the turn around time was only 3 months, where a lot of other quality makers take at least 6-8.

I'm quite satisfied with my custom mask and I hope to get a lot of use out of it for years to come.

Black Cat Kigurumi

[smilingformoney]

Rickmas 2023: Day 8. Rosemary for Holly | Turpin/Reader

AN: This one involves the Turpin/Reader relationship from my fic Sins of the Flesh, which involves reader becoming Turpin’s unwilling live-in whore. This scene is tame compared to the scenes I wrote for the main fic but please be aware of the noncon element of the relationship before reading!

Read now on Ao3 or below the cut:

It was your first Christmas without your brother, and your first in Turpin’s house. Johanna had told you that he didn’t celebrate Christmas much - he had a yearly party, and he went to church on the day itself, but when it came to decorations, presents and Christmas cheer, he couldn’t be more of a Scrooge.

Her words in mind, you were caught off-guard when, on returning home after the last day of Michaelmas, Turpin summoned you to his study and presented you with a gift.

“But, sir, it’s not yet Christmas Day!” you protested. Did he expect you to give him a gift too? Surely he couldn’t - he didn’t give you an allowance, and he forbade you from working.

“Christmas Day is a holy day, darling, and I can guarantee you this gift is anything but holy - plus I simply couldn’t wait to give it to you.”

You blushed, realising his meaning, and you were both curious and frightened to know what was inside. He had threatened you on more than one occasion to obtain a pair of handcuffs from his friends in the constabulary - perhaps he was fulfilling that promise?

You pulled back the paper to reveal an oblong box, marked with wording.

“Row… sem… arry - oh, rosemary. For - holy? No, that can’t be right…”

“Holly, darling. Rosemary For Holly. Simply the name of the manufacturing company. Open it up!”

You glanced up at him, and chuckled slightly at the eager look on his face.

“Feeling impatient, sir?”

“Feeling impertinent, slut? Open it. Now.”

“Yes, sir,” you said quickly, hoping you hadn’t angered him. You opened the box and almost gasped in shock when you saw the gift inside: an object of what appeared to be ivory, crafted into the shape of a penis.

“For the days you get lonely without me,” Turpin said smugly. Did he seriously expect you to want more cock when he was away, as if the multiple times a day you took his seed weren’t enough?

“I had it crafted just for you. A good likeness, don’t you think?”

You glanced up at him, then back down at the ivory penis. “Do you mean… this is - erm - a replica?”

“Well, my cock is the only one you’ll ever know, so you might as well know it even when I’m at court. Why don’t you try it out?”

“I’m, erm… not sure what I’m supposed to do with it, sir,” you said meekly.

Turpin picked the ivory penis up from within the box and pointed it at your face. “Well, let’s start with the mouth, shall we? Open up.”

You obeyed, and almost gagged when he pushed the penis into your mouth, the cold, smooth surface a surprising contrast to the soft warmth you usually felt from Turpin’s cock.

“How does it feel?” he asked, fully aware that you couldn’t talk with a mouthful of fake cock.

“Cold,” you mumbled around the phallus, and Turpin chuckled.

“Yes, I suppose it would be. Not warm like mine, hm? That’s alright, I wouldn’t want you preferring him over me.”

He pulled the phallus back out of your mouth, and you gratefully gasped for air.

“I prefer you, sir,” you said, knowing he wanted you to agree with his compliment of himself. “But it would be an excellent tool for practise.”

“Practise?” Turpin queried with a raised eyebrow.

“So I can - um - fit you. If I can practise opening my throat with it, then I can learn to do it for you.”

Turpin looked at you curiously, then smirked. “What a clever girl you are. I hadn’t thought of that. My expectation was for you to stretch yourself out for me before I get home, but that is a good idea, isn’t it? Yes… yes, you’ll use it to train your throat and to stretch out your cunt. Then you’ll be nice and ready for whichever hole I choose. What a good girl you are, thinking of ways to please your lord.”

“I exist only to please you, sir,” you said automatically, wincing slightly as he pressed the cold tip of the phallus against your lips before trailing it across your jaw, down your neck, and down your chest to slip it between your breasts. Turpin laughed to himself when he let go of it, leaving it sticking out from your cleavage.

“There’s another function, too,” he said, his eyes still locked on your chest. He ran his finger down the shaft and pointed out a small hole halfway down. “See this hole? You fill it up with water. Then you use this” - he pulled out a plunger at the base of the phallus, where it would ordinarily connect to the man’s body - “and push it back in.” He did so, and you felt a rush of air blowing on your breasts.

“The water leaves the tip, simulating ejaculate. That’s very helpful for your clever little idea, in fact, as you can practise swallowing my seed as well. My, we are going to have fun with this, aren’t we?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you for my gift, sir. I - I’m afraid I have nothing to give you…”

“Nonsense. You give me your body every day. I couldn’t ask for more than that. In fact, it’s the start of the Christmas holidays now, so why don’t we start off as we intend to continue?”

“How’s that, sir?” you asked, dreading the answer.

Turpin leaned forward, his lips brushing your ear, and you were consciously aware that the phallus was still in his hand.

“Why, fucking in every room of the house, of course. We do need to keep warm, after all. Why don’t we start here? I have a few fun ideas for our new friend.”

You had a dreadful feeling that the ideas were more fun for him than they were for you, but even so you agreed. You had no choice in the matter, so you might as well agree and pretend to yourself you had some semblance of choice - either way, Judge Turpin was going to stuff you full of cock, and now he had a second to use against you. You might as well try and enjoy it.

[chimivx]

hii plum! how r u? I'm back with the thoughts I had when I made the nmwid playlist… some songs are in portuguese so i tried to explain what they mean to me. (I hope you don’t mind but I got excited then it got bigger than I thought 😭

amy stroup - dark runs out

it’s comforting to start the reading. it was just her and soobin and the mission of getting the children ready for grandma’s house. could be their song or just her trying to be strong.

last christmas, wake me up before you go-go, I'm still standing, hotel california… I imagine all these songs playing at joy’s house

the one that got away - katy perry

THIS SONG IS THEM. EACH LINE. if I think too much, I’ll start to crying

doughnut - twice

just one of my favorite kpop christmas song. as you put twice names, I thought you could like this song too

back to the old house - the smiths

I think I don’t need to say much…they would love to go back to the old house.

como vai você - roberto carlos

it’s a song about a love that’s over. could be them asking each other how they are after years. basically, the first talk they had after 2 years. but if you want something deeper…

“that time can keep us both apart

don’t leave so much life for later“

and they are leaving the rest of their lives for later.

detalhes - roberto carlos

similar to the previous one, but this is more like beomgyu (he describes himself with long hair and bleached pants). I think the lyrics can be gyu talking in the past or the present.

“it’s no use even trying to forget me

I’ll be in your life a long time

such small details about us

they’re such big things to forget

and they’ll be there all the time…”

she can never forget him.

miracles in december - exo

christmas song and distressing.

sign of the times - harry styles

going to the end of nmwid, this could be them remembering all the story. probably the talk that they had in the middle of the night.

THE LYRICS…

“you look pretty good down here, but you ain’t really good” and “we don’t talk too much / we should open up / before it’s all too much” fits with taehyun. but all the song reminds me the end.

velha infância - tribalistas

one of my favorite brazilian love songs <3 not just in a romantic way but about friendship and childhood

oração ao tempo - maria gadu

just bc was the soundtrack of a soap opera that the main couple were step siblings

pansy - taemin

it’s sad and comforting. like the first, this goes to soobin (how lucky is her to have him…) I left it last because the last thing that happens is soobin comforting her after joy’s revelation. I don’t know what happened after this, but I’m sure that soobin does everything to kept his promise.

I hope you liked it, you can ask me if you need anything. 💗

This is so... amazing. I love you so much for taking the time to do this. The way I have literally listened to all of these multiple times and fully immersed myself in the story... Wow. Wow. Saving this for future, saving this for anyone who wants to see it. Tagging it so we can find it forever. I'm speechless, truly. You're phenomenal. Thank you. <3

[mamaito]

[Housamo] Christmas Eve Transformation! Magical Amusement World [Part 1][2024]

(Santa School)

The place reflecting onto your screen was Tokyo's Santa School. However, not everyone are aware of this school's existence or what was even different about it--

[Snegurochka?] "Oh my, why, if it isn't big brother Jack that's being reflected right over there! Ho there, mister, don't be so shy and come over here!"

"… You don't want to? weren't you the one who said you wanted the two of us to go take a picture together?"

"Is it not fine to you that the two of us don't fit the picture together?"

"Geez, why are you being so stubborn, I said it's fine for you to get closer to me for the picture."

"Ohoh, there seems to be something beating really hard just now, continue being like that and you'll turn into a snowman that's carrying a drum!"

[Frost Fairy?] "Hey! Stop pulling! … Hah, is this fine now?"

[Snegurochka?] "Heheh, well then, let's go! Ito, everyone… Can you see us?"

[Snegurochka] "I am Snegurochka! … Why, that's how I wish to be remembered as."

[Jack Frost] "Jack Frost… Good grief, how did I get caught up into this.."

[All] "…"

Snegurochka peers into a screen and the girl said each and everyone's name tenderly with a smile.

The most anticipated time of the year in this world, Christmas, is said to make one of the heart thumping events. In other words, Santa is rather busy in this period.

This here is Santa school's headmaster, Ded. A huge amount of paperwork could be seen stacked and pressed against him.

[Ded]

"Let's see here.. Next are requests from stores that are in need of assistance for their customer attraction events."

The working santa's here are still fledgelings who dream and aspire to become one, going through lengths till their very last breath if they need to.

[Ded] "It is regretful to say this… But today's target goal is going to be a difficult one. We would have to reschedule our schedules, don't we?"

[Yule] "Um~ Mr. Ded? Now's a good time to say it, yes?"

[Krampus] "Erm- There is one more, but an entirely different matter that I would like the headmaster to be aware of."

[Ded] "Whaa!? Did someone get hurt? The two of you don't seem particularly unease about it."

The headmaster of this Santa school, Ded, was surprised at the arrival of his students in his office, noting that these ones skills have been progressing rather well so far.

[Krampus] "No, I'm sorry, we'll try to knock next time. It's just that you've been so absorbed and fully concentrated on your work that you've barely noticed us coming in…"

[Yule] "That's right, the main issue here is that we didn't know when's the right time to approach you about it. The truth is, you have a visitor coming and wanted to personally give their greetings to you."

From behind Ded, the window outside of the office was opened and let themselves into the room. A white wolf girl that's wearing a uniform appeared.

[Snegurochka] "… Eheheh. Long time no see, Grampa Ded!"

[Ded] "S-snegurochka!? Is that really you…!?"

[Snegurochka] "Yes! Your magical girl, Snegurochka is here! Must've been hard for you, Gramps, so I came here to help you."

[Krampus] "Ky.. KYAAAHH! You're THE Snegurochka, the real deal, the actual magical girl Snegurochka is right in front of me TODAY!?"

[Yule] "Huh!? Senior Krampus, you know her? Do you have any working relations… With this little girl?"

"… Huh, who did you say your grandfather was? That you were the headmaster's granddaughter!?"

Snegurochka was the name given when she made her first appearance, it said that if you or anyone calls out to her, Snegurochka will appear, as it was demonstrated in this principal office. Causing only disorder in the process.

[Kramps] "Snegurochka! I- I am Krampus! This year's season lending assistance, I look forward to working with you!!"

[Snegurochka] "Yeah, I'm glad to meet you too, Krampus. I'm so happy to meet a fan of mine in Santa school."

As Krampus jaw slacked open from the excitement, Snegurochka pulled out a paper and signed it with her autographed, handing it to him.

[Ded] "Uum, do any of you two know anything of Snegurochka's magical girl persona?"

[Krampus] "Headmaster Ded, you don't know anything about it!? Magical girl Snegurochka was in the number one ranking winter live action show!"

"She's one of the long reigning magical girl in tokyo according to a slew of news this season, her face has been representing the time of winter!"

"The main title of the show! The lead protagonist herself among the group of magical girls! Snegurochka's very image plays a massive role in it!"

"There have been rumors that the girl's child actor was discovered during this time of the busy winter months!!"

"Right now they were able to get a rather difficult group to get a hold of to make their theme song into completion multiple times that their fame skyrocketed from how they represent the elegant and civil outlook of the heroine to the entire world in their musical composition for the live action show that remains forevermore the--"

[Ded] "I- I see. You sure are well acquainted with these youth's colorful culture."

[Yule] "Not just that, to think you are the grandpa.. I mean, headmaster, she did claim she was your grandchild!"

[Ded] "You are right to assume so, Yule. This child, Snegurochka, is a part of me."

The man's home world was Kitezh. Ded Moroz' grandchild was bore into existence using faith.

The snow woman of the deceased, Snegurochka. Her ability to command snow fairies into doing her bidding just by existing in their presence but most importantly is that she's able to create her own followers.

That's why it is accurate to say that Snegurochka, or whatever she goes by, could be said as multiple entities at once. However--

[Ded] "This girl here is the santa of [Envy], there is longing in her eyes, and right now, her sole purpose is to produce more snow."

"You could say [Snegurochka is more than that], because of the legends surrounding her, words of the girl being my granddaughter came to be."

[Snegurochka] "Yeah! From this point onwards, I will be right here with Grandpa Ded!"

Snegurochka loudly declares as she hands out her permanent residential occupancy registration.

[Snegurochka] "In the meantime, I would like to have someone aid me around the school for the time being. No, why don't we spend some time together? I have so much to talk to you about, grandpa."

After that, Yule and the others leave the principal's office and Snegurochka, for the first time, has caught herself in a rough start by tidying up the room.

[Snegurochka] "Mmm hmm hmm♪-- Say grandpa, where would like me to put this?"

[Ded] "Then, how about I request that it be put here? You're just as enthusiastic as ever."

"Nevertheless, Snegurochka, are you really here to help me just for my sake?"

[Snegurochka] "Mmh! I'm not lying. I want to do my best to be the best santa assistance there is, you did blow life into me, after all."

[Ded] "Hahah, no way, even if it is true. The longer I observe you, the more I see that you really are still a child. Did you want me to play with you more or--"

[Snegurochka] "Geez, stop treating me like a child already! I said that I wanted to help you out, that's all!"

"Grandpa Ded, I heard you say that you needed help so I can't help but look out for you!"

For her age, she is rather doing too much by cleaning the figures in the room. Whether she may seem reliable, Ded could see and feel that she was feeling a sense of loneliness.

[Ded] "Then, what is that you want on christmas? I have a meeting coming up but I may come up with something fast if it's nearby, come on then, tell me."

[Snegurochka] "Grandpa, geez! Like I said, I'm fine as it is… Ah, that's right! I would like a guide around the school please!"

"But, you seem rather busy, grandpa.. I'm sure the other students are busy as well?"

[Ded] "Y-yes, it is as you say… No, there is one competent guy that I remember, wait here for awhile."

Just as he said that, a polar bear transient with a much larger build comes into the principal's office all by himself.

--

[Jack Frost] "… Hah, you say you wanted me here in the principals office? It's not like I'm expecting an answer to my question or anything."

The large white male who just appeared sighed in exaggeration, only to be drawn to the figure cleaning the frost from the window rather extensively in the principal's office.

[Jack Frost] "In other words, you want to commission a graffiti or something? Then how about I paint this entire principal office in monochrome instead."

[Ded] "Oh no, the truth is, Jack Frost, this student here wants someone to show her around."

[Jack Frost] "Snegurochka..!? Um, Mr. Ded.. Ain't she the rumored grandchild of yours, I didn't know you had one!?"

[Ded] "Now, now. There was a give and take between us, Snegurochka just has a way with words, that's all."

[Snegurochka] "Amazing! Yo, bro, there is just something about you. It's really cool just being in your presence~ Thank you so much, Grandpa, you actually listened to my request!"

[Jack Frost] "Ugh, it's a damn kid, no less! Don't be clinging to me so much! If you get a frostbite then that'll be your fault!"

[Ded] "No, no, I am not that worthy of such a praise. You're also a child with skill, this should've been a piece of cake for you, no?"

"Go play with this child for awhile, alright? You must have at least some experience in entertaining someone."

[Jack Frost] "That's my line, isn't Snegurochka's the one who has experience in entertaining others from the beginning here!?"

[Ded] "Just as it is, Jack. I'm sorry that you were chosen to make up for Snegurochka's time in the school so why not guide her around at this point?"

[Jack Frost] "Whaat!? No, no, no, no… What's up with that, besides, I'm sure that there are others out there that can substitute!"

[Ded] "No, no, you were, in fact, the one who fits that criteria. I'm sure you have done services to children before, no?"

The two keeps emphasizing their words to one another, Ded implicating his actual intent just through expression, keeping the same smile on his face.

[Black Ded] "How about this, why not just take it as extra curricular support lesson?"

"I want you to protect this white furball, as my damn patience is at it's last thread, you hear me?"

"My hands are quite full here. So, can I depend on you or not?"

[Jack Frost] "Oh, shut your mouth, you damned old man. This is hardly enough to be considered an extracurricular activity for me, why don't you make up for this trouble."

"Besides, it's not like I was glad to be called out here, in that case, I'd rather drop out than hear you go hoarse from yelling at my ear."

[Black Ded] "Hah.. Some nerve of this damn kid…! Fine, as I am the one taking lead right now, I might as well drop the ball and kick it at you."

[Snegurochka] "Wait, don't--!! Don't be acting violent here when I've just cleaned it!"

"I'm sorry, I've been acting so selfishly till now. Grandpa, thank you for everything, I'll go and visit the places by myself instead!"

Snegurochka then leaves the principal's office whilst leaving those parting words to Ded.

[Ded] "… That girl has now seen the dark version of me. It is only but my fault for this dreadful creation."

"If we meet again I'm sure that she'll look at me quite different now, she might never want to play with me ever again. All I wanted was for her to spend a nice time here in tokyo."

"That's why, Jack, I said that you were the most qualified one. Why don't you just take up that girl's request?"

[Jack Frost] "… Tch, I get it. In exchange, I would like scholarship credits after my graduation from this school--"

[Ded] "That's a no deal, I expect you to do your classes seriously."

Jack Frost responded with disatisfaction and still ran after Snegurochka out of the principal's office, she on the other hand, was sitting and staring down the floor.

[Snegurochka] "… I'm so sorry, it's my fault that you and grandpa were quarreling with one another."

[Jack Frost] "It's not really your fault. It's that dark version of Ded who started it in the first place, so you shouldn't be feeling this way."

[Snegurochka] "Really? It was grandpa's fault?"

[Jack Frost] "It isn't that he hates you. That guy just has a way of causing trouble is all--"

"I may look like a failure of a student that's best left abandoned elsewhere, but it's alright. -- Come on, let's go, you wanted to be shown around, right?"

[Snegurochka] "What? I'm fine, don't worry about me. You were forced to do this request, right?"

[Jack Frost] "Honestly, you really are such a meddlesome brat. I said that I agreed to guide you around the premises, now come on, let's go."

The cold emitted by Jack Frost could even be felt through his hand, the chilly wave is still active even when idle but Snegurochka still took it happily and clasp her hand against his.

[Snegurochka] "Heheheh, thank you so much, Jack! I leave myself in your capable hands, you're also free to call me casually!"

[Jack Frost] "Don't be letting go of my hand now, and for starters, how about you stop calling me [Big bro]."

[Snegurochka] "Wha- How come? Don't tell me that you're embarrassed in calling you big brother..?"

[Jack Frost] "No, it isn't that I hate it but… Don't suddenly get so chummy with me!!"

[Snegurochka] "Then, how about Jack or Jacky? Hrm.. Just as I thought, big brother fits you better, I think… No good?"

[Jack Frost] "… Honestly, no matter what you call me, I'll still hand an ear out for you."

[Snegurochka] "Then, I'll leave it to you to guide me around the school! I can't wait to see what grandpa's school has to offer."

With a giddy Snegurochka holding onto Jack frost, the two then started their exploration around the school.

[Animation of them being avoided by students throughout the school.]

They went to visit the school grounds, dining hall, and the main classrooms, but Snegurochka's voice calling out to Jack Frost has him halting to turn to her.

[Snegurochka] "Hey, big brother. I know you said I shouldn't let go of you as we explore our surroundings.."

"Bro, don't tell me that.. You don't have any friends at school.. Do you?"

Snegurochka's question aimed right through his heart, so much so that Jack's voice felt as though clogged down his throat.

[Jack Frost] "Don't you know how to put down a subject delicately, especially when you know about it!?"

[Snegurochka] "Huh? I'm sorry. Don't pay me no mind, I was just pondering…"

[Jack Frost] "… In santa classes, it is natural and normal to ask such questions, it is common to do so to figure out if the child is being good or not. I might look like I seem to be the type to be failing my classes but I'm just a noncomforming type of guy."

"It's pretty normal to me now that no one wants to approach me anyway."

[Jack Frost] "(… Alright, it is essential for me to make friends for the first time, I-I'll summon up the courage and go for it!)"

Jack Frost's eyes were brimming with determination, scanning his surroundings for a potential opportunity to talk to someone. But no matter how hard he scanned, there just isn't anyone he could find.

[Jack Frost] "(N-no way…!? Are you kidding me, I'm so delayed that everyone seems to have already formed groups with one another!?)"

"(It's over.. My new school term start has already ended.. Along with my happy school life…)"

-- [Snegurochka] "… Is that why you don't seem to be enjoying school life? There wasn't a single person out here you could talk to, am I right?"

[Jack Frost] "Just as you said. Even I have tried initiating conversations with other multiple times, but it's still--"

[Female Student] "… It's just that there's this coldness about you, like a flu that's being churned out?"

Whenever Jack Frost was nearby, he would notice that the students and their friends were behaving in awkward and aloof whenever he approaches. He made a mental note about it.

[Female Student] "Aa, ahahaha! Jack, good morning! I'm fine, my bodies as healthy as can be!"

"Geez, you know it isn't the time of the year, you know? Why can't you be a warm type and let us wear something else underneath, you get me~?"

[Jack Frost] "Ahahah~…"

[Jack Frost] "Even though it's spring, whenever I am around my surroundings would always turn into winter that they can't help but cover up due to the coldness. You're a snow woman, so they'll likely be more fond of you than me."

"I'm a perfectly fit and large dude so people tend to pay more attention to me by surprise, some of them also had poor health conditions so a guy like me would be a no go."

"I get the hint and leave, some have even lost interest in talking to me at all."

Even as she was getting the hint in Jack wanting to be left alone, Snegurochka continues to cling onto him further tightly.

[Snegurochka] "Don't sweat about it, I'll be here for awhile. Eheheh, me and big brother Jack's school school life as friends will begin here."

[Jack Frost]

"… I look forward to it. It does seem like I'm just befriending a kid here."

[Snegurochka] "Again, just like I said, I request that I be in the same classroom as big brother jack will be afterwards!"

[Jack Frost] "I told you that there's not enough time for you to be in the classes yet! Y-you understand?"

"It's just impossible for you. Aren't you still in middle school? Well, in all honesty, I'm the one here walking on eggshells with you."

"The santa school is about learning actual abilities and determines whether you are fit for the role, you on the other hand is just a elementary student who's judging me according to your opinion only, no, perhaps you want me to tell you more about it?"

With those received words, Snegurochka opened her application. Not far long, she pulls the small object out in front of him.

[Snegurochka] "Big brother, just who do think my grandfather is that you're talking to? I am a santa claus, I inherited it after my grandpa!"

"Let's go, Ru-chan! GO ✬ SNOW MAIDEN MAKE UP!!"

--

She opened her compact and parts of the powder traces around her hand and then everywhere else, engulfing her in complete white snow.

The power of the snow of Snegurochka's body conceals her form till it gradually turn into clothing, transforming it completely--

[Snegurochka] "Magical girl Snegurochka, reporting in! Now, I shall be lending an ear to your plea!"

Once Snegurochka's transformation was over, she reaches out her hand to him. The outfit matching every little tidbit of what makes one a magical girl and molds her entire form into it.

A large cane is present and is thrusted upwards, causing a ray of vivid rainbow into the sky. Snegurochka also stroked a pose while at it in display.

The rainbow of colors is akin to a voice calling out from behind to get in the train by a reindeer transient who also turns into an actual reindeer to gallop around.

It was almost as though Snegurochka's trait could be compared and were as similar to her grandfather's as this body continues to bear life.

Jack frost on the other hand had only but the blankest expression one could make.

--

[Snegurochka] "Hold up~! If you could spare me some of you time-- [Oops!] I mean, it's fine if don't want to!"

[Jack Frost] "No, it's not that I'm leaving. It's more that if anyone hears you here I am dipping…"

[Snegurochka] "Whaa, what's up with that~? If so, then let's might as well just hurry and wrap it up!"

[Jack Frost] "(There seems to be only one santa here and a reindeer named Patty, both of them are hard to juggle so I might just repel them a bit here--)"

Much to Jack Frost's surprise, he starts to sympathize with it almost instictively. This small bit of power was too much to overly suspect, and so--

In the middle of the town, there was a man who seemed to be lost in the middle of the night. Jack Frost was seemingly by himself, standing at that time. But it wasn't the usual thing he'd experience, it was something else and he learned it at that moment.

[Ded] "Just the same as ever, your working figure is something to commend about. An unidentifiable street artist of this new generation, a santa claus."

"This work of yours, you have such incredible taste. During my time this was considered as something absurd but now you could put a price on that and make a living out of it. How about contributing some of it to the orphanage or any charitable institution?"

"As for the result-- How about I hand you an indirect present instead."

"You only reveal your true self during the night only, you know within yourself that you have the skill to appreciate the spacious area before you. The asceticism of an artist is truly a wonderful thing to possess so I have to commend you for that."

[Jack Frost]

".. A winner, huh? Such is the way of life, what good does it benefit me when it's just a bunch of graffiti of doodles. I suppose it is in my nature to be that."

"I do this because this is the only proof I'll have of my existence once I am gone, like a window to a blade of grass. I am merely passing time with the amount of lengthened time I have, to even compare it to some arts out there is…"

The spray can blows it's painting material away, but Jack Frost's line of sight freezes for a moment, someone else has completed the graffiti before him.

During the entire night, there is but the temperature that remains by the arrival of morning, and yet Ded's word were still there. There are children there who needs him--

[Jack Frost] "… I still can't discern your true character no matter how much time passes with you. If there is a way I can be permitted to elevate myself, this graffiti art I've been making might no longer be considered a criminal act."

[Ded] "Same goes to you, Jack. At surface level, you're thinking about wanting to leave this situation of yours and move elsewhere, right?"

"Little by little, you've realized that you're moving from your strict principles. One is from graffiti and there is another thing--"

[Jack Frost] "Teacher Ded, I am quite busy here and yet here you are running my ears off with your tangents whenever you arrive."

Jack Frost lends Ded Moroz only a deaf ear seeing that he seems to be laughing at how troubled he seemed to be.

[Ded] "There is still time for you to spread out your wings further, you can assess me as you follow me from behind and make your judgement then."

[Jack Frost] "… Teacher Ded? I wanted to thank you for taking the time in comforting me."

The headmaster, Ded, does as he promised and the two continue to talk with one another. Santa, as he explained it, is a role that one must commit to no matter what crimes he has done--

[Ded] "I.. These powers of mine are but compensated to sacrifice for others and obtain things for them."

[Jack Frost] "That isn't something for you to say out loud, do want to have a scandal or something? For someone so well regarded to do this.."

No matter what Ded says, there is but only the tender kindness, his words carry a sense of eloquence to it.

--

[Jack Frost]

"(Snegurochka, you have the same powers as him--)"

[Snegurochka]

"Big brother Jack, what's up with you..? Were you that captivated by my transformation that much?"

[Jack Frost]

"There isn't like that that happened. More like I seem to have recalled something."

[Snegurochka]

"Hey, hey, I wonder what's been bothering you, but big brother Jack's just my school guide, oh, what should I do?"

[Jack Frost]

"… Hey, I'll let you on something. You and I can continue this support thing by a long thread."

[To be continued..]

[mintesprig]

Obey Me Classic Barbie Movies part II

-

Diavolo | 🩰12 dancing princesses🩰

It’s an entire plot about royals wanting to be themselves. Even when they’re forced to become ‘proper royals’ they still find a way to escape and be themselves. This includes finding love with a commoner who loves them despite and because of their quirks and faults. Also the whole thing about a bedridden father and dead mother would hit home, please hold him and make sure he’s ok.

Barbatos | 🎄Christmas Carol 🎄

Honestly I don’t see Barbatos as much of a Barbie man (I know ironic). I think he would honestly just watch them to make you happy. There is a certain appeal of a classic tale however. I feel like he would enjoy the concept of the three spirits essentially haunting someone to make them better. This is one of the few Barbie movies I haven’t seen so it might be a bit off tbh.

Solomon | 🦋 Mariposa 🦋

It’s literally about a fairy nerd who loves books and learning obscure knowledge. The whole idea about using knowledge to better understand the world around you and make the people in it more understanding. Not to mention having to deal with royalty and nobles all because you just want to learn.

Simeon | 🦄Magic of Pegasus 🦄

It has all the plot points. Trying to push the boundaries with overprotective parents, the loss and transformation of an elder sibling that went too far, adopting a small magical creature. All there. It’s a bit of an underrated Barbie movie but it’s a classic. It’s full of magic that’s fully based on finding the courage to be yourself. I can definitely see it being his favourite, and bonus it’s safe for Luke to watch with him.

Luke | ⚔️Three Musketeers ⚔️

This is objectively the perfect movie for Luke. The whole plot is about the main character trying to prove themselves to their father by upholding justice, chivalry and truth. It has a very clear plot of the good heroes defeating their evil counterparts which fits well into Luke’s narrative of the world. I also think he would see allot of the people he cares about in the other characters throughout the film.

-

Not sure I’m happy with Barbatos’ one but I was running out of classic Barbie movies. If I ever finish this game I might do the others with next gen Barbie.

[alexandriaisburning]

033: Seabed

CANON FIRE is made possible by the generous contributions of readers like you. Support more writing like this on Patreon. Thank you!

A yuri mystery novel, Seabed has no choices or alternative routes to explore. You simply read it from front to back, like a conventional novel. And despite that, it remains constantly engaging, with a structure that feels more interactive than many of its contemporaries that lean more heavily on the genre’s adventure game aspects. There’s a real literary quality to Seabed, not only in its prose, but how it asks you to piece together the story. 

Told non-linearly, it builds up the relationship between Sachiko and Takako, with various vignettes from childhood to their adult lives together. We get to see them work together, travel the world, and deepen their affections, before finally reaching the revelation that here, in the present, Takako has disappeared and Sachiko has been hallucinating her presence. 

The how and why is left unclear. Whether it was a simple breakup or Takako going missing during a trip, it calls into question exactly what happened and when, and gives an uneasy tension to past interactions, with each flashback heavy with the idea that this might be when Takako disappears. Layering the mystery are the “Tips”, parallel stories accessed from the main menu, with everything from small character moments to disappearing rooms and unsettling hospital visits. You’re never given a sense of where these fit into the timeline, leaving them spinning in your mind as you try to find where it fits into the ongoing mystery. 

The final revelations ended up mixed for me, but the process of unraveling the story kept it satisfying regardless. The heart of the story is the various relationships between the different women, and the complex emotional stakes that define them. Gorgeous prose describes each scene, and when we arrive at the mansion, the main location the story finally centers on, there’s a tangible sense of place that made me feel as if I’d walked its grounds myself. 

Even as I eased into a certain intimacy with the mansion and its characters, the structure of the story kept the boundaries of its world uncertain and intangible. The warmth of conversation at a Christmas party, or in a bath room filled with colorful fruit toys gave way to intimidating mountain landscapes and tunnel paths filled with dreamlike terror. Seabad often lulls you into comfort, followed by a violent reminder of the story’s stakes and why its characters can’t afford to settle into a peaceful routine. 

It's a bittersweet story, washed in melancholy, but it never falls into the trap of becoming a gay tragedy. We get to see an entire lifetime between Sachiko and Takako, with the non-linear structure continuing to deliver tender moments between them long after Takako's mysterious disappearance. We see what their lives look like after their separation, how they deal with it, and the new connections they form. 

If there’s one indulgence, it’s the classic visual novel trope of lavish food descriptions and detours into the author’s pet subject matters. Thankfully these detours are as interesting as the main story itself, with architectural history lessons, travel blog stylings, and conversations on delicate pastries and the astounding size of American portions. None ever go on too long, and each one of them feels as if it has a purpose in the story. 

In contrast to the maturity of the prose, there’s an almost amateurish quality to the art. Portraits are all ever so slightly off, with the occasional odd anatomy and posing, and fabric has a tendency to be suctioned tightly between every character’s legs. Backgrounds have a sort of mixed media approach, with a scene receiving either fully rendered 3D artwork, complete with variations for atmosphere and time of day, filtered photographs, or some combination of either with illustrations layered on top. 

You can tell where the artist’s strengths lie, with the 3D backgrounds rendered with such care I wouldn’t be surprised to learn they had a day job at an architectural firm or something similar during development. The portraits can sometimes come off a bit goofy, but the sincerity behind them comes across, and there are some beautiful, intimate scenes that aren’t any less effective for it. An intense care has been put into the presentation, and alongside Seabed’s effective use of color and soundtrack, there’s rarely a moment that fails to hit, regardless of the resources or skills the team had at their disposal. 

As I read Seabed, I kept getting lost in the pull of its gravity. Seabed flows between the personal, psychological and even supernatural boundaries of mystery. It has the warmth of a friendly, lighthearted hangout that provides a reprieve from a life of emotional turmoil. As the stakes build, characters consider what it is they need to let go of, and what they desperately want to hang on as the waves of time erode their memories. Seabed is a mystery not about the cold hard facts of reality, but what the emotional consequences of each event are for its characters. 

When the story wrapped up, I found myself wishing for more time with the characters. I wanted to see their desires fulfilled, to get one more interaction between them, one more conversation I hoped would allow me to let go of them. Goodbyes often leave us carrying the words left unsaid, hoping that the few words we can get out can express those silent feelings. Seabed captures those feelings--those feelings of a lifetime spent with the one you care about, of goodbyes that never end, and yet are never long enough, and of the memories you’re left to cherish--or forget--when it’s all over.