#too bad im too anxious to ever follow up and add people back and make friends like i uaed to

[rydell]

Overwatch is a bad game and the community as a whole is bad but since I only play at 4 am I get really weird people who are all good and all various degrees of gay and trans. Mostly in voice chat. A few weeks ago I was on and in voice chat and this guy was like "oh theres a transexual on our team. What's up bro!" And I was just so stunned I was like "..you got me?!", no idea what to say LOL. Totally expecting him to be awful because of the outdated terminology and then he proceeded to spend the whole match pocket healing and flirting with me. Gay rights.

[mysmegrace]

Hi! I’d love a short fic of Zen with a shy yet bubbly MC in a Christmas Fake Dating scenario <33 Hopefully with some anxious pining and a love confession at the end if that’s okay! I’ve been musing over this sweet scenario for a pretty long time and wanted to make my small dream come true

hey hey hey~ (ew im sounding like my old math teacher lol). i'd love to write that for you! sorry this came out a little late, i've been offline and working on other things. i hope i did this justice! 

summary: GD entertainment, the company zen works with, is throwing a christmas party. giving many of the actors special benefits, one of which is a free 2021 computer model for people who had brought in their significant others. zen could really use the upgrade, hence why he asked you to pretend to be his girlfriend for the night. he also asked you because he had feelings for you and figured that tonight would be the perfect night.

topics: christmas time, pretending to date, love confessions, romantic pinning, fluff.

words: 2k

For the Night, Or a Lifetime - Zen x MC

---

"are you sure this is alright to do zen..? i mean, what if rumors start to spread or they think badly of us?" you responded briskly. you were worried this would take a hit to his career, not to mention your anxious thoughts building up around the fact that you may have to speak with his boss and co-workers.

when zen had initially showed up 15 minutes prior, you were dumbfounded. last time you had spoke to him on the messenger, he had told you about some work he needed to finish up. yet an hour later, he was at your front door asking for you to act as his girlfriend tomorrow for the companies christmas party.once he had explained why to clear up your confusion, you weren't sure how to react. of course you would like to help him, but what if things didn't go as planned? what if you ended up ruining the night? you weren't secure in your acting abilities either.

"it'd be fine, i promise. we'll just act like a normal couple throughout the night and no one will suspect a thing" you heard him say, breaking your train of thought. looking up to meet his gaze, you quickly broke eye contact to contemplate your next action.

you knew zen could use the new computer, you’ve seen how old his current one was. but the fear of denting his career wouldn’t go away. you look up to meet him again, looking for a sign of reassurance or dismay. 

god those puppy eyes you gave to you. how could you say no? giving it another minutes, you eventually give in, saying “alright, but if something starts to happen we have to come clean”.

a breath he was unaware of holding came free as he heard your confirmation. a weight had been lifted off his shoulders because unbeknownst to you, he was planning to come clean about his feelings for you tomorrow night. so far, the plan was going just the way he was hoping for. 

“thank you babe, i’ll repay you back for this one day!” he said, giving his gratitude. “i’ll call when i come to pick you up” he adds, before turning to leave. it had already gotten late and he knew better than to stay with you for any longer while the moon was tempting him. no, that stuff would have to wait until the time was right.

watching as he left, the click of the door confirming it, your mind had completely gone blank on you. did that really just happen, you thought. you could hardly contain your excitement once he proposed the plan.

but you knew how the industry and his fans were. sure many were great, but many also say zen as a trophy they could reserve to themselves. a romantic partner could damage his career as allegations and opinions started floating around.

at the same time, it was difficult to hide. you had felt something for him that was so unfamiliar to you. something you could only identify as love. but what if he didn’t feel this same? what if...

enough, you told yourself. it was too late to get emotional and curious about what might happen. perhaps it would be better to rest and let your mind heal it’s anxiety for the time being. so that you did, drifting off while fantasying about the future, though you would never admit that.

a knock at the door caught your attention, allowing you to briefly look up from your phone. the sky had changed as christmas had arrived. everything was ready for your night as you had prepared once he had alerted you of his travel. 

opening the door, you gave a smile to greet him. one he returned promptly, pulling you into a friendly embrace. your heart skipped a beat, so anxious that you might do something he wouldn’t like. your body wouldn’t even offer you peace of mind to enjoy the closeness.

eventually letting go, you pulled your jacket on in a swift motion as you followed zen’s footsteps. being led to his motorcycle, a helmet was presented to you. “don’t worry, i’ll be safe. can’t damage precious cargo” he reassured you. 

god, was he trying to embarrass you, you thought as you felt yourself heating up. slowly gathering the courage to meet his eyesight again, you found him with a grin plastered across his lower face.

the nerve, though you’d have to let it slide for now. hoping on the ride, you heard the engine rear up as you went on your. wind hitting your face from all angles, moving your hair in whichever way it desired. 

pulling up to the event, you fixed your hair the best you could with your fingers with little time to spare. feeling your hand being grabbed, you looked towards zen, expressing a confident smile. in reality, you couldn’t believe what you had gotten yourself into.

taking the lead, zen greeted the people at the entrance in a polite yet swift manner. in your luck, they managed to find the time to question zen about your role to him. “she’s my girlfriend” he answered, before gesturing for the two of you to walk in.

the room was full of traditional christmas decorations with the occasional piece related to acting and performance. you quite liked it if you were honest. your attention was quickly redirected to the co-worker approaching the two of you.

oh no, you thought. what would you say to leave a good impression for zen and yourself as a pretend couple? remembering zen’s past words of advice, being confident and positive, you decided to adopt that attitude for the remainder of the evening.

“hyun, who’s this?” the person asked, leaving an eyebrow subtly raised. zen flashed a quick glance at you before responding “ah, she’s my girlfriend”. now was your time to shine. don’t mess this up, you told yourself.

“hello~ i’m mc. gorgeous event right?” you said with the nicest expression you could muster up. now you were left to hope you didn’t come across as too obnoxious or nervous.

“hello mc, pleasure to meet you” the co-worker greeted, reaching out a hand in your direction. slightly taken aback, you met his hand as you were involved in the handshake. that wasn’t so bad, right? maybe tonight would be easier than expected.

leading you to make a mental note of the three things you wanted to portray yourself as this evening. that being energetic, respectful, and adding in a tad of humor.

this formula seemed to be going well. an hour had already passed and nobody seemed to have a problem with you, openly at least. yet things started going down hill when you had a couple down further in the area whisper “things aren’t adding up with those two”.

a males voice added onto that, saying “i doubt they’re a real couple. look at them, neither one of them has shown the other any form of affection since they’ve gotten here”. you couldn’t find the words to say as you stood in slight horror.

how were they able to catch on? you thought you were doing good all night, making the environment relaxed and laid back. little to your knowledge, zen had heard the couple as well.

without giving it much thought, he knew he had to prove their thoughts wrong. hence why you suddenly felt yourself taken by the hands, pinned against the wall behind you. looking up in shock, you were met with zen’s face going in a kiss. of course, you couldn’t push him away. 

kissing him back, he found himself not wanting to stop. his rational mind took over quickly, pulling away. staring at you face to face, you could read the shock in his eyes. as if he was surprised by his actions. 

shock was something evident in your mind at the time too. you didn’t know what to think, what to feel. too many emotions were present for you to ever make sense of.

releasing your hands, he subtly went back to your side the same way he was before. almost as if it didn’t happen. yet you promptly heard his voice whisper “can we talk about this later?”.

without giving it much thought, you nodded in reply. you had so many new things to think about, you needed time. but in a good turn of events, the couple were no longer questioning your relationship status.

time passed in a slow motion, though reality reminded you that only an hour had passed once you looked at the clock. people were beginning to say their goodbyes, being given many gifts by the hosts. you and zen included as the computer was given for your leave.

returning to the motorcycle, you put on your helmet once again, as did zen. he would drive as you held onto the gifts in the back. this time, the wind wasn’t a bother to you. it had cooled off the heat from your face, deriving from the sudden actions of zen.

reaching your apartment complex, you got off the vehicle. looking nowhere but down as your feet carried you to your apartment, zen following behind you. as soon as your entered the familiar room, the fatigue from todays events had caught up to you.

now you were left with zen to discuss all that occurred. yet it took you a second to collect yourself for the conversation. you had no idea where this would go, you only hoped it would result in something good.

you heard the males voice begin to speak, “i’m sorry about doing that tonight, i should’ve asked first. i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”. your thoughts paused for a quick second as something new entered. you didn’t want him to feel bad about anything, he didn’t deserve it.

“no no, you didn’t make me uncomfortable, i enjoyed it to be honest” you replied in a haste. your face changed as you really started to take in what you had just told him. you hadn’t meant to let that last part slide.

on second thought, perhaps it was a good thing to get it out there. you couldn’t hide your feelings forever. now it was zen’s time to become a visible shade of pink. were you serious...?

god that made him so happy. the last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable and hate him. worried thoughts filled his head for a split second before you came in to save this sanity, as you always did.

“i’m.. glad to hear that. i was worried you would be upset. look, i have something to confess” he started, deciding now was the time. he observed as your eyes became a tad bit bigger as your mouth opened slightly in a curious form.

continuing, he said “i’ve had feelings for you ever since you joined the rfa. i couldn’t understand them at first, thinking i was juust lonely and desperate. but as time goes on, i can understand why”.

“mc, you’ve made my life change for the better. i can’t imagine life without you. so, will you go out with me? we don’t have to play pretend anymore” he finishes, lightening up the mood ever so slightly during the end. 

to say you were ecstatic was an understatement. finally your prayers were being answered. you could feel as your cheeks flushed before you gave your answer.

“yes, of course i will” you responded softly, as if speaking any louder would make this go away. standing in comfortable silence, zen was content with your answer. offering his gorgeous smile for your eyes only.

“thank you, ha you’ve gotten me so stocked. i have to prepare for practice so i’ll see you tomorrow.” he says, the tone of his voice raising noticeably. you give him a nod of approval, but become flustered at the words he said before leaving through the door.

“merry christmas, sleep well love” he sang out, before closing the door behind him. how did he expect you to sleep once he’s gotten you all worked up, you thought. giggling to yourself, you felt as the fatigue became even more present now that you were home.

laying down to rest, you were grateful for the best christmas gift you had received this year. the one that would be stuck with you for a long, long time.

---

15:43 AST - 07/28/21

[percyinpanties]

hey I'm the pipeyna anon and that's ok!!! can u do pipeyna with piper pining after hot jock Reyna which hopefully ends happy (smutty)

just a quick warm-up, i say, i won’t spend too much time on this. i really had to resist just going on and on and on with this. i miss writing this ship, damn.

anyway - this fits really well with an enemy to lovers prompt i have for jercy, so thats what im hinting at too here.

Read on Ao3

for context : i always write college aus from a UK uni perspective bc that’s all i know and i don’t care to adapt to how it might or might not work in the u.s. (sorry)

rating: teen+ (no smut in this one, but let me tell you, this TEMPTED me)

words: 2.2k 

___

“An actual goddess” Piper says wistfully from where she’s leaning against the wall next to Percy, taking back the cigarette she’d just bummed of him. Her eyes are glued on the field, and more precisely on Reyna, smile on her face and water bottle in her hand as she jogs over to Jason standing at the side of the field. They greet each other with a hug, even as Reyna wrinkles her face, seemingly complaining about her own sweatiness.

It’s coincidence that the end of Reyna’s soccer practice collides conveniently with Piper’s and Percy’s late seminar on Mondays. It isn’t coincidence that Percy and her have taken to sharing a cigarette on the side of the building that looks out toward the field during their break, however.

 Percy makes a non-committal noise and his eyes follow Piper’s gaze while she takes a drag of the cigarette and wrinkles her nose. She needs to quit smoking for good, she thinks, and flicks the ash to the ground. There was a brief moment in first year when Piper thought that Percy might be interested in Reyna, or she in him, but luckily, nothing ever came of that.

 “You think they’re dating?” Percy asks, arms crossed over his chest now, making no move to take the cigarette back again. He’s not even pretending not to be staring, his eyes intense where they flit between Reyna and Jason. Piper on the other hand has the common decency to at least cast her eyes away every now and again before she’s caught looking for a little too long.

At the edge of the field, Reyna and Jason are standing close together now, chatting about god knows what, smiling and laughing. They’re certainly comfortable with each other, but Piper can’t say that’s much of an indication given how she’s around Percy.

 “I hope not.” Piper mutters and Percy laughs at that, even though she knows he agrees. Percy wouldn’t admit it in a million years, but Piper would bet real money that he has a thing for Jason, too, as much as he claims to hate the guy. She’d have to be deaf and blind not to notice the tension between them.

It would make sense, though, in a way. Jason is captain of the men’s rugby team, Reyna of the women’s soccer team. Some of their practices collide and the two clubs do most of their weekly socials together, and Piper’s seen the two of them hanging out aside from that plenty as well. Reyna and her haven’t talked much about Jason, maybe because Piper hasn’t actually exchanged more than five words with him and never had much of an urge to change that, but she knows that Reyna and Jason have known each other before university.

Around Jason, Reyna seems to let her guard down, something Piper has only managed to achieve a handful of times since they met during their first year.

 Jason laughs at something Reyna says, eyes bright and head thrown back and Piper can’t deny that he’s handsome, at the very least. He’s fairly decent, too, as far as guys go, and really, Piper knows she shouldn’t be hoping that there is nothing between Reyna and him if that is what would make Reyna happy.

 “Invite her to the party.” Percy suggests then, drawing Piper’s attention back from the tangent her brain was so insistent to start on. When Piper turns her face to look at him, he’s already looking back at her, one eyebrow arched. “I was going to, anyway, but it’s different coming from you yourself.”

 He’s not teasing her, it’s an honest suggestion, and technically not even a bad one. It’s Percy’s birthday this weekend, and if nothing else, it would be a good excuse to hang out again. Percy knows a ton of people, but he usually doesn’t invite too many to his party, so with any luck, it won’t be too crowded to actually spend some time with Reyna.

More than that, though, it’s another opportunity for Piper to finally get a move on. Percy, Piper knows, thinks that Piper’s pining had reached a point where it’s almost comical halfway through last year, but even so, Piper has yet to manage to actually act on her feelings.

A party is casual enough that she can always play it off as nothing serious when it ends up blowing up in her face. Piper might finally get over herself and just ask Reyna out already – although she’s tried that a few times before only to find herself tongue tied and staring at Reyna like she hung the moon in the sky. She’s been head over heels for Reyna since maybe three weeks after they met in first year, and now that they’re starting their third and final year, Piper needs to get a move on or it’ll simply be too late. Granted, she’s scared shitless at the prospect of being turned down, but at this point, even that would be better than pining forever and never finding out if she’d even stand a chance.

 “Yeah… maybe.” Piper says finally, and manages a small smile towards Percy who bumps his shoulder against hers playfully. They should be heading back inside, so Piper sneaks a last glance toward Reyna and this time, finds her looking back.

    They don’t share any classes this year, and Piper doesn’t usually run into Reyna on campus, so on Wednesday morning, she ends up texting Reyna on her way to class. She fumbles with her phone, almost tripping over her own two feet trying to type the words out as fast as possible, and ends up having to sidestep off the path to actually send the texts.

 Hey you.

we’re having a party on Saturday, it’s Percy’s birthday.

 Piper wants to add more, but instead, she bites her lip and stuffs her phone back into the pocket of her jeans. It’s almost an open invitation like this already anyway, and Piper wants to gauge Reyna’s first reaction before deciding exactly how she’s going about asking. Technically, it would be so easy to just as Reyna to go with her, specifically, to the party, but the intention might be lost over text and anyway, wouldn’t it be simpler to just invite her generally?

Piper frets throughout the entirety of her first lecture, and most of the second one, for nothing. Reyna doesn’t answer, even though the messenger app shows Piper that she’s read both texts already, and Piper tries not to be disappointed about it. She doesn’t know what Reyna’s schedule is like today, the girl might just be busy and planned on replying later. It makes sense, much more than Piper’s second thought that Reyna is not answering because Piper is annoying and Reyna doesn’t actually want to spend any time with her. She knows that thought is stupid, knowing that however does nothing to ease the anxious knot in Piper’s stomach.

 Piper finds herself checking her phone more often than not. It would be funny if it wasn’t so ridiculous, and if the lecturer wasn’t so clearly catching on that Piper isn’t paying as much attention to the class as she is to her phone. She texts Percy as well, but she knows he’s in that seminar he shares with Jason, so chances are that she won’t be getting a reply on that end anytime soon either.  In the end, she has to force herself to put her phone away and actually focus on the lecture up front, even though by that point, she is already lost as to what they’re even talking about in the first place. It’s no good, and Piper can’t deny being relieved when the lecturer eventually dismisses the class.

 She doesn’t allow herself to check her messages until she’s across campus in the coffee shop, queuing for some much needed caffeine and fishing out her phone so she doesn’t have to make small talk with anyone while she waits in line. Reyna still hasn’t replied, but at least Percy has messaged her after his seminar.

 I’m gonna strangle him, Piper. You’ll have to bust me out of prison because they are going to arrest me for goddamn murder.

 All she’d asked was if his classes were as boring as hers today, and while she had expected Percy to go off about Jason in reply, this isn’t exactly what she’d thought to be reading today. She smiles at her phone, types out a quick reply and moves up in the queue.

 That bad? What’s he done now?

 The way Percy talks about Jason makes Piper think of a Cartoon Network villain, always plotting, provoking and scheming. The few times she’s spoken to Jason, the guy wasn’t half bad, and if Piper is honest, she doesn’t quite get the vendetta these two have with each other. She suspects though that it has something to do with how ‘infuriatingly attractive, like fucking superman or something’ Percy described Jason after their first class together.

 It’s like he thinks I’m stupid or something. Got a dumb fucking project to do together and he honestly told me that he ‘needs to pass this class so iif I’m not planning to put in the work, we might as well ask for new partners right away’

Like, excuse me, bitch? My grades are better than yours, for one thing

And for another, it’s not like good-old Dodds is gonna let us switch anyway

 Piper huffs audibly while she reads the texts. It’s clear Percy’s actually upset by this, and she figures it will only get worse if they actually have to do the work together in the coming weeks. Before she can shoot Percy a reply though, she’s next in line.

Piper orders her coffee, steps aside to wait once she’s paid, and rereads Percy’s texts before she types her reply to Percy.

 Sounds like a dick move.

 Piper’s almost inclined to defend Jason for a moment, since Percy mostly doesn’t pay much attention in class, especially in Mrs. Dodds seminars – so how is Jason meant to know how much effort Percy puts in outside of it? On the other hand, though, Piper knows how Percy is, and how personally he’s clearly taken Jason’s comment already, so trying to convince him otherwise would simply be fruitless.

Once Piper’s coffee is done, she heads back outside, finding an empty bench to enjoy the break before her next class. If nothing else, at least Percy’s ranting is distracting her from Reyna, and the party, and asking the other girl out – and in between the rapid texts Percy and her are sending back and forth Piper almost forgets about it entirely. Until she has to head back to her last class, that is, and sees that Reyna has, so far, still left her on read.

 Piper hesitates for a moment, clicking on the text field without typing anything just yet. Is she going to come off as desperate if she texts again, or should she just clarify now before it gets too late and Reyna already makes different plans for the weekend?

Piper types out a few words, deletes them again and pockets her phone only to get it back out a few seconds later to try again. She shouldn’t be walking and texting, especially given that she should be going faster to actually make it to her lecture in time, but Piper knows that if she doesn’t send this text now, she’ll spend another lecture agonising over what to say.

 So yeah, I wanted to invite you too ofc :)

 Piper cringes at her wording, but figuring it won’t get much better, she sends the text anyway and finally tucks her phone back into her pocket to actually hurry to class.

   By the time Reyna replies, it’s late and Piper is sitting on the beat-up couch in her shared flat’s living room, watching something trashy on TV without really paying much attention at all. Percy is clanking around in the kitchen, making something that smells good enough to remind Piper that she should probably be getting herself some food, too. She’s about to get up and rummage through her fridge compartment in search of something edible when her lock screen lights up with a message from Reyna, and that derails any thoughts of food immediately. Piper isn’t subtle in the way she practically lunges for her phone, but luckily, Percy can’t see and judge her from his position in the kitchen.

 Sorry, long day, reads the first text, following a few seconds later by another one.

Promised Jason to hang out but I’d love to :(

 Piper bites her lip, knowing before typing out the words that Percy won’t like what she’s doing in the slightest.

 You could bring him? Percy won’t mind.

 Except that Percy most certainly will mind, Piper thinks, and grimaces. If she hadn’t come off as desperate before, she most certainly does now – texting back within less than a minute after having been left on read all day, only to offer that Reyna can bring her friend (boyfriend?) along as well if that means she’ll be there.

There’ll be other opportunities, Piper tells herself, and scrubs a hand over her face. She needs to chill, and maybe she needs to grab a cigarette and step outside and calm down before she embarrasses herself even further.

 Piper stares at the screen. How on earth is she meant to interpret this? At this rate, she won’t make it until Saturday, dying of one crisis or another before then.

 if you’re sure? I’ll ask him.

haven’t seen you in a while, would be nice to hang out again ;)

 I’m sure.

[resilientdolan]

Drown (G.D) - part 12

A/N: IM SO SOFT FOR THESE 2 WTF, also the smut is badly written, bear with me pls bc smut ain’t my thing.

Word-count: 2k+

Summary: Grayson gathered up his courage and asked his Bumblebee to go to the prom with him, and ended up spending some private time at the beach.

T/W: a dash of smut (RLLY JUST A DASH)

Tags: @bingexdolan @grantsairforce @prettyboydolan @kyaaawritings @3ooda97 @baby-grayson @ryxgrantdolan @foxglovedolan @evergreendolan @goldenndolan @nikesbailey @soledadgray @sosweetgrethan @twinfinitydolan @333dolans

———————————————————————

“Hahah, so that’s what happened?,” A light giggle comes out of Bianca’s lips as she listens to Grayson speaking through the phone.

“Yeah! Like Isla tried to talk to me once again, but Ethan was like— ‘leave my brother alone’,” the other person talking with her replies, as a light chuckle escapes him. In fact, her giggle is lowkey contagious, it makes him laugh.

“Well, you do deserve someone better,” Bianca lips form into a smile, though she knows that he can’t see her smiling. It’s been 3 months since the night Grayson saved her from the abusive monster named Declan Hayes, and ever since that night where he promised her that he’d never leave, their bond grew even stronger than before. They haven’t said anything about making things official, but they’re definitely more than bestfriends. Everyone knows that.

“Fuck yes,” he replies briefly. Bianca remains silent as her mind wonders.

What if the better one for Grayson is her?

“Bianca?,” Grayson calls for her name, breaking the silence between them.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing, just making sure you’re still up. Or are you falling asleep?,” he guesses. It’s not a secret for him that Bianca is a fast-sleeper. She falls asleep easily anywhere, anytime.

Bianca take a quick glance at the clock on her nightstand, with her hand rubbing her eye. It’s 2 minutes to 12 am, luckily tomorrow’s Saturday. “I’m still up, a little sleepy, though, but I’ll be fine,” she mumbles sleepily.

Grayson’s smiles grow a little wider as he listens to her sleepy voice. He knew it. His mind wanders, thinking about sleepy Bianca laying in her bed, struggling to keep her eyes open to talk to him. God, she’s the cutest.

Grayson glances over at Ethan, who’s laying on his bed with his phone in his hand, scrolling down through his messages to text Mabel, the girl that he has been talking to for the past 2 months. It’s obvious that Ethan’s so into her that he stays up late lately only to text her, or sometimes to talk to her through the phone. His other hand is grabbing 2 prom tickets, obviously for him and Mabel.

One crazy idea comes into his mind out of nowhere.

“B—Bianca?!,” Grayson pretends to stutter as he calls for the girl one more time. Bianca, who’s slowly falling asleep on the other line, quickly opens her eyes the moment Grayson calls her name.

“Gray? Are you okay?,” Bianca frowns.

It works. Grayson smiles to himself as he goes on with his own scenario.

“I—I need you to save me,” he tries to hold himself back from laughing. He can clearly picture her sitting on the edge of her bed, wondering about what’s happening with him.

“Grayson?”

“Bianca, s—save me...”

“Save you from what?”

“From...”

“From what?! Grayson, what’s happening?!,” Bianca nearly cries. He really got her good.

Feeling bad for scaring her, Grayson takes a deep breath, leaving her wondering in complete silence.

“Grayson are you there?!,” Bianca yells once again.

“I—I’m here, so... I—I need you to save me from...”

“Tell me,” she whispers, her voice is shaky.

“... Save me from going to the prom alone, Bumblebee, please? Will you?,” Grayson tries to speak in the calmest way as he can.

Another silence.

“... Fuck you, Gray. Fuck. You.” Grayson can hear her grunting on the other line. Hearing her grunts got him bursting into endless laughter.

“You scared me! The fuck, Grayson?,” a deep sigh comes out of Bianca’s lips as she throws herself back onto the mattress.

“Look, hey, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but I mean it,” Grayson coos. He feels bad for giving her panic attack. “Bianca, baby, will you?,” he asks once again.

“Grayson, say sike right now,” Bianca sinks her teeth into ther lower lip, though deep inside, she thinks she’s about to melt.

“Bianca Reine, my Bumblebee, will you save me from going to the prom alone?,” he repeats once again.

“Grayson?,” this time, Bianca calls for his name.

“Yeah?,” he replies, pretty anxious about her reaction.

“You know— I don’t want to be rude, but prom isn’t really my thing...,” Bianca sighs once again.

“Oh...,” The smile on his face slowly fades away as he listens to her answer. “So, you’re not—“

“... unless I’m going with you, Grapeson,” Bianca quickly cuts him off, followed with a light giggle.

Grayson’s smile quickly makes its way back to his face, and even grows wider than before. “Now sleep, Bumblebee, I know you’re tired, and it’s late for you,” he says.

“You know me way too well sometimes,” Bianca yawns. “I’ll talk to you once I’m up, yeah?,” she tucks herself in as she speaks.

“Goodnight, Bumblebee,” Grayson whispers. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Grapeson,” the sleepy girl replies.

Grayson waits for her to hung up in silence, but “night, Grapeson” isn’t the one that he gets. Instead of a goodnight, the only thing he gets in return is the sound of her soft snore. She fell asleep before she even got the chance to end the phone call.

“I love you, Bumblebee, I really do,” Grayson whispers once again, hoping his own sleeping beauty hears him in her sleep.

———————————————————————

“You look beautiful, Bumblebee. You really do,” for the millionth time, Grayson says it once again. His hand is rested on Bianca’s cheek as he keeps his gaze on hers, admiring the beauty sitting beside her.

There sits Bianca, wearing her light blue spaghetti strap mermaid dress, on the passenger seat of Grayson’s Porsche. Her dark locks that she usually ties into a messy bun, doesn’t make any appearance tonight. She got her hair waterfall-braided, which makes her looks completely different tonight.

Here they are sitting in Grayson’s Porsche, at the beach, once again. The place where they confessed their feelings for each other that night. They left the prom an hour ago, like— who cares about prom night as long as you got your favorite person with you?

Bianca’s cheeks turn pinkish as Grayson compliments her once again. Her hand makes its way up to the top of his head to toy with his short hair. “And Grapeson in a suit? You look so, um...,” Bianca pauses for a while, struggling to find the right word.

“Hot?,” Grayson teasingly whispers in her ear as a sly smirk comes across his lips.

Bianca spats his hand away from her cheek as she laughs. “Ew, Grapeson,” she shakes her head.

“What? You don’t want to admit it?,” he gives her a cute pout as he pretend to be sad.

“Okay, okay, maybe a bit,” Bianca squints her eyes as she replies, thinking about the possible reaction that he might give.

“A bit? You do know that your skill in lying is so damn bad, right?,” Grayson arches his brow just right before he starts to attack her face with soft kisses. Both of his arms are now wrapped around her waist to prevent her from escaping.

“Graaaaay, it tickes,” she tries to pull away, but Grayson notices her attempt that he tightens his arms around her. “Okay, okay, yeah, you’re hot, now let me go, please?,” she begs. So Grayson stops as soon as he gently pecks her lips as the final kiss.

“Can’t help myself, you look like an angel, Bumblebee,” he snickers, replied with a giggle from Bianca.

Grayson’s phone beeps, and he quickly pulls it out of his pocket to check for the notifications. It’s Ethan.

E: “bro, where ya at?”

G: “the beach”

E: “at what time did you leave? smh you didn’t tell me”

G: “an hour ago?? sorry, needa little time with my Bumblebee away from the crowd”

E: “‘my Bumblebee’? i see what you did there 👀”

G: “shut up”

“Gray?,” Bianca calls for his name.

“Yeah?,” Grayson quickly answers, but his fingers are still busy typing the message.

“Grayson?,” she calls once again. This time? Grayson puts his phone down to shift his attention back to her, but as soon as his gaze meets hers, his lips part into an o.

There sits Bianca, with her dress straps down, trying to reach her back to unzip her dress. “Can you help me with this?,” she looks up at him innocently.

“Bianca, w—what are you—“

“Um...,” she pauses, her cheeks are redder than before. “I heard that some people be— you know—,” she speaks nervously.

Grayson sinks his teeth into his lower lip to hold himself back from laughing as he tries his best to pay attention to her explanation.

“They have— y—you know—,” Bianca stutters once again.

“I thought you’re not ready for that? The last time that piece of shit asked you to do it with him, you cried, and you told me that you’re not even ready,” Grayson hums.

“No! No! It’s... different. Wait— you don’t want to?,” she frowns.

“I didn’t say that, I’m just making sure, Bumblebee. The last time we talked about this, you told me you ain’t ready,” he shakes his head. “Or maybe you want to save your virginity for marriage?,” he teases her once again.

“No, it’s just— I want this night to be remembered, Gray. I want it to be special, and—“

“Okay,” he quickly cuts her off as he takes his suit jacket off. Then his hands quickly move up to untie his tie, and throws it to the backseat.

Bianca bites her lower lip as she watches him doing so. In a quick motion, Grayson pulls her onto his lap, and rests both of his hands on each side of her waist.

God, he’s having an angel on his lap, and that angel is Bianca Reine; his Bumblebee.

Bianca awkwardly rests her palms on his cheeks, cupping them lovingly as she rests her forehead against his. Grayson emits a light chuckle as a reaction before he adds, “Bumblebee, it’s okay, it ain’t a fucking Biology exam, calm down, don’t be nervous.”

“J—just go slow, okay? Grayson, this is my fir—“

“Shh, hey,” Grayson coos as he takes her hand in his, gently drawing circular pattern on the back of her hand to calm her down. “I’d spend the rest of my night with you. Chill, we have a lot of time,” he whispers, just right before he attaches his lips onto the skin of her neck to nibble on it gently.

“G—Gray...,” a light moan escapes Bianca’s lips as she tilts her head aside for a bit to give him more access.

Grayson hums softly as his hands quickly makes their way to the back of her dress to unzip it. As soon as it’s completely unzipped, Bianca pushes it down until it reaches the level of her waist, leaving her upper body exposed to her bestfriend. Grayson continues to suck on the skin of her neck, but this time he moves his hands back to her fore part. He gently cups her breast as he continues to tease her.

“S—shit,” she whines. Grayson gently brushes the pad of his thumb across her perky nipple as he pulls away, to find her sitting on his lap with her upper body fully exposed.

“Jesus Christ, Bianca,” he mumbles. “You look so fucking perfect.”

“You think so?,” Bianca whispers, her hands making its way to his chest to unbutton his shirt.

“You have no idea how much I’ve thought about having you like this with me,” Grayson move his hands up to rest them on each side of her neck. “You have no idea, Bumblebee.”

“I trust you more than Declan, Gray. That’s why I’m yours tonight,” Bianca nods as she eagerly yanks his shirt off.

“You trust me?,” he smiles for a bit.

“I trust you, with everything that I have,” Bianca nods once again.

Grayson smiles and pulls her in to plant a passionate kiss onto her lips, and she eagerly returns the kiss. As soon as they break the kiss, Bianca glances down at him, with a thin smile on her lips.

“Make love to me, Grayson. I want this night to be remembered, forever.”

“Gladly, my Bumblebee.”

[iknowicanbutwhy]

To anyone who thinks texting is a billion times worse than talking on the phone and that texting is a miscommunication disaster ready to happen: I get you. You're probably 100% exactly like my friend who I hate texting despite how i rather appreciate talking with them on call or in-person.

Hear me out, though. Please.

You know what's weird? I love talking with my other friend on text more than i talk with them in real life. No, it's not because they're untalkative irl. No, it's not because they have a different personality in text. No, it's not because they have any trouble whatsoever communicating in-person (more than the usual trouble everyone sometimes deals with).

It's because I'm the one with the auditory communication issues. I stammer and stutter, I can't forward my opinion in that microscopic pause between people talking, i can't think quickly when i or someone else is speaking, i can't think quickly, and i can't double check my grammar when ive already said something - among other problems.

And that friend i like to text? Just so happens to be skilled at texting.

Yes, texting well is a skill. Something that you can learn and cultivate and look up on Google. So if you hate texting and find it irredeemable, you probably don't have the skill for it. But you can still learn just by using your normal speaking skills while remembering and sticking with only a few bitty - yet crucial - rules of texting.

You may not want to learn to text. You may want to speak and text only when necessary. You may defend your point by stating that texting lacks key human communication, such as body language, tone of voice, rhythm of voice, and other context that adds to the meaning of words in a way texting could never have. Aaaand you'd be right, actually. Italics and bold and emojis/emoticons and writing style can only do so much while the imagination fills in the gaps - and unlike with books, if the imagination sees/hears something terrible in a text, it's offensive instead of interesting.

So, what about the people who don't have the skill to make coherent, intelligent sentences with their mouth in the first place? The context doesn't help too much, then. Of course, why should you have to learn how to text when clearly these people who are afflicted by their inability to speak should be learning how to talk, because it's more effective and healthier for them that way?

You're right, they should be learning. And they are! There's no avoiding speaking in real life unless you're mute, selectively mute (let's be understanding), deaf (sometimes they learn to speak and that's awesome), or something else I can't think of. Those with speech impediments - when they don't know sign or there's no one who knows sign nearby - are generally forced to try to speak, and are constantly training to communicate well. People with social anxiety don't want to be afraid of talking, and especially if you befriend someone with social anxiety in real life and talk with them in-person, they'll try their best to open up in-person too. And me? Who can't think fast enough to speak for some reason? I'm trying to change that, too. I hate being unable to speak as well as I text, because speaking is more efficient.

But it would still be really, really nice to have a deliciously complex conversation sometimes, and for those of us with trouble speaking, we developed the skill of texting to better fulfill that human need to communicate and share. We're trying to speak. But.. it would be really nice of you to text.

To text more than just "okay"

To elaborate on "I can't"

To exclaim more than only "ah"

To give something that isn't difficult to find a specific response to.

And it can be easy to; we text-savvy people swear our hearts on it!! Google provides lots of good links when you search "how to text well," but I'll sum up a few common tips to texting with meaning.

Text proportionally. This is probably the only rule you need to remember, because all-in-all, the best way to text someone (if they're not sending one or two words a text) is to follow in their example. If they ask your opinion? Tell them yours and ask theirs. If they send texts of two or three sentences each? It's polite to try responding with the same magnitude (keyword: try. You can't always do it). They send you a paragraph? You don't have to send one back (even though that'd be real cool) but if they seem to be expecting a thorough response, don't be afraid to tell them you can't think of much. Just make sure you follow tip #2. Just imagine what it's like talking to a cat that only meows vaguely at you in response. Maybe you think the cat is smart enough to somewhat understand, and you're getting the chance to let your thoughts out at it, but getting basically nothing back is kind of boring.

Dont send curt, few-worded answers. This includes saying just "k" or "ah" or part of a sentence that you're never gonna finish. It sends the message that you're not interested in thinking about whatever the person texting you just said. Sometimes you can send a tiny response as a joke, but do it over and over again, and the other person will think you're never interested in talking. If you're not interested in talking (not just in text, i mean audibly too), it'd be less rude to simply say your not up for talking, with a short, polite apology.

Respond as soon as possible to a genuine question. If you need to think, say so. If you can't respond just yet, say so. This is a personal thing for me. I'm in the middle of a conversation that has been active for a while, i ask an important (sometimes timed) question, and nobody responds for an hour. I lose confidence and take the silence as "no, don't be ridiculous," and take back what i said. Then, very suddenly, i get a response finally informing me that someone needed to ask their mom and the conversation took a while, or they were researching the question, or chores suddenly came up, or etc etc. People get busy all the time, and especially on text, it's easy to suddenly drop out because something irl shows up. But it's hard to tell the difference between being ignored, missed, or being considered. Your excuses are valid, but even a vague "brb" and then later a quick explanation would be more informative than straight silence.

If you need to leave in the middle of a conversation that's been very active, say so. Building off of the last one, it's just polite to be informative. Now, you don't have to say you're doing this at some specific location for a particular amount of hours and you'll be hanging out with whats-their-name and then you'll go into the bathroom and pick your nose in the mirror - no, you don't have to be specific. Just make it clear that you'll be gone for a bit and you'll get back to the conversation another vague time. It's polite, that's all, and alleviates the worries of all us anxious individuals who think "oh no did i say something wrong its been like 20 minutes and they left suddenly-"

Try to leave an avenue of conversation open for the other person to pick up on. This one is easy because generally, all you need to do is think of an open-ended question that isnt yes-or-no. Say something, then ask a question that relates to what you said that the other person can add to. Like.. the other person said they like a certain band, and you like that band, too. You could tell them your favorite song from them and gush about why, then ask what their favorite song is and why? Then it's up to them to give a good response.

If a conversation turns exhausting because you feel like you're pulling all the weight, then drop it and politely say goodbye. There's all these tips about good texting but sometimes, when you can't bring the other person out of their shell or they are genuinely uninterested, it's because they are the ones not doing their part in the conversation. You've tried your best, and if they wont thank you, then I will. And someone in your future who knows how to text and is interested in what you have to say will thank you in their heart. Just, not the person who you're walking away from right now.

Observe the texting "body language" of others. This sounds weird, but examples of this would be using bold to outline the absolute importance of things, italics to slightly emphasize something, s p a c i n g to signify your mind being blown, emojis to express light emotion (unless someone uses way too many, which, that's just a bad habit and sometimes an art form), "ha" for sarcastic laughter, fjsjskajfjie for real laughter, ALL CAPS for high energy, etc. Im sure you can Google it, too, otherwise you can just learn from experience. It's all generally very universal unless you meet a Homestuck, and pretty soon, picking out and giving out emotions in everyday text will be a little easier.

That's all I got right now. Thank you for reading this far and indulging me with this topic. It's okay if you want to keep your avenues of conversation far away from texting, because it's all your own choice, but just know that if you ever do find someone interesting who speaks better in text, it's not impossible for you to communicate with them as well in that format. Just takes practice :) (<- that's a genuine, gentle smile, otherwise I would use c: or :3. Someone else may use it differently, however. Think of it like my personal accent.)

[defeatedbyamerechild]

How Guzma and Cyrus became close friends

(The following scene takes place in Giovanni’s mansion, a few months after the Villains had moved in to that place, and therefore happens previously to the moment depicted in our comics.)

-------

    It's around 3PM, Giovanni is in his office, Archie and Maxie left for a walk and Lusamine is knitting in the backyard with her Pokémon. Lysandre is in his room recording a make up tutorial and no one knows where Ghetsis is, but no one really cares much. Cyrus has just finished sweeping the floor. He enters the living room to find Guzma lying on the couch, reading his diary.

CYRUS – Guzma! What the... What are you doing with my diary?!

    Cyrus quickly approaches Guzma and tries to grab the diary from his hands, but Guzma dodges him.

GUZMA – Yo, Relax, Cy-boy! I was just takin' a look! Nothin' much, just readin' a bit of it!

CYRUS – [angry, but trying to hide it] Well, “a bit of it” is already too much! It's a diary, that means it's personal Therefore, you shouldn't be reading any of it. Now give it back to me!

GUZMA – Sheesh... [gives him the diary] Here, don't be so friggin' anxious, dude! What's the matter with sharin' your secrets with a friend after all? Are you hidin' anythin'? [giggles]

CYRUS – [still annoyed] No! The matter is that I did not choose to share anything with you. You just went and... started meddling in my personal stuff. Which I very much disapprove, if you allow me to add!

GUZMA – Tsc...  Meh. Chill! Not doin' it again, if it bothers ya that much! [He winks at Cyrus, smiling].

CYRUS – [in a rather sarcastic way] Thanks for that, although I do not believe you...

    Cyrus sits on the couch one seat away from where Guzma is. Hugging his diary against his chest, he wonders what Guzma could have read from it. There's a brief silence.

GUZMA – Yo...

    Cyrus glances at him, a little bit apprehensive, for his housemate might bring up something from his diary.

GUZMA – Y'know, I was just... thinkin'... Cause, like... You wrote there tha-[Cyrus interrupts him.]

CYRUS – I do not want to discuss anything I wrote. It's personal. And it's already bothersome enough to know that you read it, so please spare me the embarrassment of further explaining whatever it is you want to comment on...

GUZMA – Aw, c'mon, dude! Don't be like that!

CYRUS – Like what?

GUZMA – Like... y'know... Carin' so much about this and all!

CYRUS – [sarcastic] You mean having dignity?

GUZMA – [chuckles] You're so dramatic, bro...  

   Brief silence. Guzma stretches his arms and legs, trying to look as casual as possible before resuming his speech.

GUZMA – [with a carefree intonation] Anyways! You wrote it there that no one cares about ya, and, like... Dude, that's a pretty rough thing to say 'bout yourself, ey? [giggles]

  Cyrus clenches his jaw and stares at his own feet, embarrassed and upset.

GUZMA – Tsc... Like, c'mon, why all that drama? Who broke your heart, eh? [giggles] You can tell ya old boy Guzma here!

CYRUS – [looking up at him] Sigh... Don't turn that into some romantic gibberish, Guzma! It has nothing to do with that.

GUZMA – Yeah? Right, whatever. Still somethin' must have happen'd if you feel like that. So! Who hurt ya?

CYRUS – [Looking away] Why are you asking me that? Why does it matter to you?

GUZMA – Meh. Dunno, dude. I'm curious. Also, like... That's not true.

CYRUS – What is not true?

GUZMA – That no one cares 'bout ya! Like, I do, for example! That's why I'm askin'! Makes sense, right?

CYRUS – [snorts sarcastically] Right.

GUZMA – I mean it, bro! I'm here for ya! [winks again] Now, go on! Tell me about those feels, I know you wanna talk about it!

CYRUS – [out of patience, very emphatic] No, you do not. How would you know that?

GUZMA – [still smiling, folding his arms behind his head] 'Cause why else would'ya write it in your diary? You feel like tellin' someone! That means you need to talk! [winks for the third time]

CYRUS – [looking away, trying to hide his amazement at Guzma's perceptive mind.] Well, even if that were the truth, this conversation is useless. You should know what hurt me by now, if you read my diary.

GUZMA – Yeah, true, but... I didn't read, like... all of it, y'know? As I told ya! I was just readin' a bit of it! 'Cause, y'know, I'm not that much of a passionate reader, like... [giggles] When you start with those huge chunks of text I just skip ‘em! I only read some short parts and that's all!

CYRUS – [not amused] Hm.

  Cyrus glances around, discreetly checking if there's anyone else near. He then glances at Guzma, who is still smiling, as if nothing had happened. He sighs. He knows Guzma will not give up on his curiosity.

CYRUS – OK, so you want to know who hurt me? My parents did. That's all. Happy?

GUZMA – [stops smiling and tilts his head to the right] Ya parents? Yo, really?

    Guzma scratches his chin, as he sits up on the couch.

GUZMA – Dude, that's somethin'... Like, I know how that feels! My old man was also a real son of a Jynx, y'know? Like, real mean AF!

CYRUS – Oh. [frowns] I thought you said you had been raised in a sewer, by Raticates.

   Guzma briefly widens his eyes and stops smiling, but soon goes back to his previous expression.

GUZMA – [giggling, trying to hide his awkwardness and make something up quickly] Eh, yeah but, like... He was a mean Raticate! Totally savage, like, real bad parentin'! Like Ghetsis, y'know?! [thinks for a second and corrects himself] Uh... Actually, no, not that bad. No one's bad like Ghetsis as a parent! Even a Raticate is better.

CYRUS – Ugh. Please do not involve Ghetsis in this conversation, he is the last person I would like to think of now... or ever.

GUZMA – [laughing] Heh! So you also hate old Ghetsis, ey?

CYRUS – I do not “hate”. Feelings are irrational and useless. I hate no one.

GUZMA – [smiling maliciously] Dunno, bro, you seemed to have a fistful of feelings to write about in your diary!

CYRUS – [keeping a straight face, but blushing] I don't know what you're talking about. [brief pause] But I guess  I do prefer to keep my distance from Ghetsis.

GUZMA – Yeah, same. I dead serious hate that dude!

CYRUS – Why?

GUZMA – [Amazed] Dude, why?! Like, why would anyone not hate 'im?

CYRUS – [nodding] Point taken. Still, I do not see personal reasons for you to dislike him. Most of the time, he seems to ignore your presence.

GUZMA – Yeah, but dude's a big old friggin' stinky wild hog, like, what's wrong with that dude? He's a son of a Jynx who treats everyone like they're Pidgey poop! I don't need no personal reasons to dislike a guy like that!

CYRUS – That's fair enough.

GUZMA – Yeah, that dude doesn't care 'bout anyone but himself, that's a fact. [brief pause] And talkin' about “carin'”, let's go back to the main point here...

CYRUS – Sigh...

GUZMA – That is... You feel broken!

CYRUS – [offended] I don't- I never put it on those words! Actually, you're definitely over-interpreting things right now...

GUZMA – [Ignoring his protests] Why'dya feel like no one cares about you? [giggling] Do you feel needy or...?

CYRUS – [irrtated] Are you making fun of me?

GUZMA – [Skipping a seat on the couch to sit by Cyrus' side] Nah. I mean it for real. Why do you feel like that?

CYRUS – [annoyed again] Well, I thought it was pretty self-explanatory that when I said “no once cares”, I meant that I think other people don't give a flip about how I feel! Or about whether or not I'm even alive! [Guzma stares silently for a while and Cyrus blushes a bit, then takes a deep breath] I don't feel... appreciated. That's it.

GUZMA – [Suddenly more serious] Hm... That's rough...  

CYRUS – [Slightly ashamed] Look, I only write about those things in my diary because my therapist says it will help me understand myself, all right? Please, stop making a big deal out of it. It's not. It's nothing important.

GUZMA – Dude, like... I ain't the one makin' a big deal out of it...

    Cyrus widens his eyes a little again.

GUZMA – Like... I'm just talkin' about it 'cause it's not, y'know... normal? I mean, to feel that way, y'know? But I'm just chattin', like, casual talk! I ain't making a big deal outta anything! You're the one who's makin' big deal out of it, as if talkin' about that was a problem... Like, what's wrong with just talkin' about it?

    Cyrus looks away.

GUZMA – Wanna know what? I've felt like that before. I'ma be honest with ya, Cyrus, I've felt like that too in the past! I mean, livin' in the streets is not that easy sometimes, y'know? And when you ain't got nothin' and people just walk by and pretend they don't even see ya, how do you think you're gonna feel?

    Cyrus keeps looking to the other side.

GUZMA – But then, like... You end up findin' people who care! Like, I founded my team, made my friends, everythin' was all right! And screw the rest! So, like... Screw your parents, and Ghetsis and all of those Fudge-brained jerks like him! Life goes on and stuff. Things change. Time passes... Y'know?

CYURS – [looking at him with the corner of his eyes] Yeah, I suppose time doesn't usually just stop flowing in our dimension. Any other generic piece of advice?

GUZMA – [chuckles] Quite a sense of humor, eh, Cy-boy?

CYRUS – I don't have a sense of humor. What's the point of humor anyway?

GUZMA – Well, havin' fun!

CYRUS – What for?

GUZMA – Dude... like... for fun? [laughs] The heck of a question is that? There's no point! It just feels good!

CYRUS – Feeling good is just temporary. It will go away and you'll feel bad again later.

GUZMA – Which is just as temporary, 'cause you'll eventually feel good again! And so it goes! Ups and downs! Am I right? So instead of thinkin' about all that until you get a headache, why not just livin' your life?

CYRUS – The amount of cliches is gonna give me a headache, to be honest. What are you, a walking self-help book?

   Guzma bursts into a sincere laughter, leaving Cyrus slightly surprised.

GUZMA – Now that's a better mood! See, you do have a sense of humor, it's just kinda acid! I like that! [giggles] Yeah I like that...

   Cyrus stifles a chuckle and looks away again.

GUZMA – I saw that!

CYRUS – [Looking back at Guzma] What?

GUZMA – You smiled!

CYRUS – Must have been your imagination.

GUZMA – [chuckles] Right. [not that brief silence] But welp. Just to finish what I was sayin'. You had your share of pain in the past, like, you been hurt, I've been hurt, we all been hurt, 'K? Some more than the others, but...

CYRUS – You really don't give up on the cliches, do you?

GUZMA – Shush, let me finish! You had a rough past! OK! But that's over, dude. Look at us! We're livin' with friggin' Mr. Mafia Boss Giovanni here! I mean, dude's rich. Dude's above the law. Dude's nice. Kinda short-fused, I gotta say, but still nice! We got this big old house here... Free food... What else could we ask for, ey?

CYRUS – Aren't you deviating a bit from the topic?

GUZMA – Nah, I mean it! We're all livin' here now! And life here is good, is that not right? and like... You'll never see your parents again! Screw them! They're in the past!

CYRUS – They've been in the past for a long for me. This is not a problem anymore.

GUZMA – You were the one who brought up your parents...

CYRUS – Because you insisted on asking me about my wounds! But it's been a long time I haven't cared about my parents, and I don't intend to change that.

GUZMA – Yeah! Great! And now you've got a buncha people livin' with ya who are totally not like them! Like me and Maxie and Archie and Lusie and Lysandre... I mean. OK. Let's be honest, no one is like Lysandre, right? But still, we're all different from your parents! Just 'cause they made you feel like trash when you lived with them, that doesn't mean we all think you're trash too!

CYRUS – I'm not trash.

GUZMA – Yeah, that's the spirit, bro!

CYRUS – I-... OK. Whatever. Your point is...?

GUZMA – My point? [giggles] Dunno. Stop being an emo prick?

CYRUS – [rather offended] Well, I can be a caustic prick, since you prefer it.

GUZMA – [with a malicious smile once again] Nice, I love caustic humor! Then we kill two birds with one stone: you get your appreciation and I don't get none of your gloomy drama anymore!

CYRUS – What?! You frickin-...  I'm not making any drama, you brought this up yourself! I didn't even want to talk about it!

    Guzma laughs a bit and then taps Cyrus' back, making him a little bit uncomfortable.

GUZMA – Just jokin', bro! Relax!

    Cyrus crosses his arms and looks away once again, slightly grumpy. Guzma quickly grabs his diary.

CYRUS – [turning back at Guzma and trying to grab the diary] Hey!

GUZMA – Now let me just add somethin' here!

CYRUS – [Still trying to get the diary back] What?! Guzma!

GUZMA – [writing with a pencil while dodging Cyrus] And... Here... we... go!

   Guzma finishes writing and gives Cyrus his diary, which he grabs rather aggressively and immediately opens, searching for whatever Guzma wrote.

CYRUS – What have you written here?

  Cyrus gets to his last entry. At the bottom of the page he finds Guzma's handwriting. It reads “Guzma slaps!”.

CYRUS – [sarcastic] How touching.

GUZMA – What? Disappointed? Didya expect a somethin' mallow like “we all wove you, Cywus! Pwease don't feel wejected anymowe!” [laughs].

CYRUS – [Closing his diary and rolling his eyes] Shut up...

GUZMA – Welp. Hope to see some more cheerful stuff next time I grab your diary!

CYRUS – Next time?! [Guzma ignores him]

GUZMA – [stands up] I'm off now. Gonna meet Plum for a beer! But, hey, let's do somethin' together any day, how 'bout that, ey, Cy-boy?

CYRUS – [rather lost] Uh... I...

GUZMA – Do you play chess?

CYRUS – Uh... Y-yes. I do.

GUZMA – Thought so! Let's play a game of chess tomorrow then! Deal?!

CYRUS – Well... I can't see why not.

GUZMA – Nice! [taps his shoulder and leaves, then stops and turns back, giving him finger guns and winking once again] See ya, bro!

  Guzma leaves. Cyrus remains sitting on the couch, silent. He opens the diary again and stares at the bottom of his last entry for a few seconds. He grabs a pen and starts writing.

“Dear diary. Something rather peculiar just happened: I think I just made a friend... … That does not mean I give you permission to read my diary, Guzma. Close it. Now.”

------ (Scene by GabiWaffle)

[nozomijoestar]

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem​ on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share 

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun"   Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

 especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans 

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period  esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels 

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc 

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work, 

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

 Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place, 

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep  empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns 

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive 

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic. 

 Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists. 

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[bunny-banana]

I'd love to hear a director's commentary on La leggenda di Niccolo please :D Have a star as well ⭐

HA! Okay well, I’ll talk about the sections that I actually wrote so here it comes:

Chap 1

Engulfed in the never ending masses of water, he reckoned one should feel intimidated. No ground under his feet, only limited amounts of air to his disposal, and the uncertainty of what lies within the darker corners of the ocean should normally frighten you. And yet, he never felt more at peace than when he was floating so freely in the sea, almost as if gravity and the world outside didn’t exist

the fucking IRONY of me writing this while being deadly afraid of deep water. its honestly like “yeah,,,,, lemme list all the things i personally hate about deep sea…. and lets add ‘well, but theres something good too about that for sure,,,i guess,,,, ”

But what was more important for me was this contrast to what Ermal dreams about, his lowkey fantasy - and where he is irl, the icy south pole. I’m rather fond of opposing things/contrasts. 

The soldier breathed heavily in and out, but there was no time to rest as the next blaze of fire was aimed at him.He countered and evaded but his opponent was more forceful, his flames harsher, faster until the soldier’s back hit the cold railing. He was caught, and when his opponent mercilessly stroke once more, he knew he had to save himself by escaping into the cold water.The man remaining on the top deck smirked. Ah yes, he’d almost assume those new soldiers were just too easy to take on even if only for practice reasons, but it pleased him more to say that he still got it.

i really hope this introduction just tells you everything you need to know about Renga’s character.

How much sooner the war could have been won had it not been for the Poles!

While actually reflecting on the universe, i realised, it must be incredibly difficult for firebenders on the poles. like, I just assume they really, really arent fit for the cold which would make invading incredibly difficult for them. also lol, renga hates it at the poles obviously.

  Shaking so hard that kids ran towards their mothers and the watchtower fell over and when the fog cleared up, Ermal felt his stomach drop. ”No.”

Nothing, absolutely, nothing in that universe is more frightening than seeing the Fire Nation military pull up to your doorstep.  

Also, lmao, love to imagine Rinald quietly going “oh nooo my watchtower D:” 

Ermal pushed himself through the crowd until he was right in front of everyone, until he was the last barrier between the Fire Nation soldiers and the village.

Ermal has Strong Opinions™ about the Fire Nation, with reasons of course, and seeing them here is the absolute nightmare to him.

  “You mean the Avatar that disappeared off the face of the Earth? The one that nobody has ever seen and that was probably never even reborn? That Avatar?”And if his cockiness gave off a certain invitation to smash his face in, then this was perhaps a little bit Ermal’s fault.

to quote the Smiths: Bigmouth Strikes Again!

“B-but he’s- he’s so young? I swear to the Fire Lord, if this is yet another trick then-”

Chap 2

Niccolò had always been in awe of the Fire Nation’s advanced industrial sector. The machinery that originated from the Nation had always had cutting edge quality which no one in the world could quite imitate nor match. This ship however was beyond anything Niccolò had ever seen. This ship was fully steam-driven with the powerful motors roaring under his feet. And those weren’t the only novelties.Steel processed so professionally that it makes impenetrable walls and doors which opened and closed only through quite sophisticated lock mechanisms. It all looked so modern, it all looked so futuristic.

so the idea was, since Nic had missed an entire century, the ship looked super modern to him. while its a canon fact that the FN is quite advanced with machinery, the ship itself is just to an up-to-date standard. But to Niccolo personally it seemed futuristic.  i like the idea of him being amazed at things he has never seen in his life just to find out they’re pretty common in the current timeline. 

There was not much time left, Niccolò had to think quickly. Extremely convenient how his nose started tickling right in that moment.The powerful sneeze that followed had two consequences: One, the guard in front of him was catapulted straight into the metal door of the cell, rendering him unconscious.Two, Niccolò and the guard behind him were also forcefully pushed back to the other end of the corridor, crashing into the hard wall.Well, at least the guard did. The young airbender was spared that fate, by that nice pillow the guard turned out to be, so he quickly got onto his feet and ran as fast as he could with his hands tied behind his back.

so yeah ngl, this was just copied from the OG ep

Now that his hands were freed, he opened the first door that presented itself to him, but in front of him, he simply saw the quarters of General Renga who stared at his now roaming prisoner in shock. Okay, time to turn around, it seems.

listen, i just love the thought of overconfident General Renga being so shellshocked to see his prisoner escaping that he just gapes at him. And ofc Nic slamming the door shut immediately jsfkld

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Niccolò cursed as he evaded a burst of fire that was aimed at him before taking the next corner “Where’s the exit?! Where’s the goddamn exi- AH!! A DOOR!!” He pulled it open to reveal a startled guy sitting there just minding his own business. An unexpected sight, with an even more unexpected odor following. “Oh? uhm- Sorry man! Just- just take your time! Also, perhaps light a candle when you’re done. Bye!” The young Avatar swiftly apologised as he closed the door of what was most definitely not an exit.

Fav OC so far!  That simple FN dude was just trying to take a dump in peace but who would have known that all hell would break lose and the goddamn Avatar of all people would walk into him smh.  Also, I really enjoyed the thought of while this is all hectic and dangerous, Nic still being human enough to go like “oh, my bad! sorry dude!” at this random soldier. Who knows, maybe we should bring that one back some time later. And i kinda wanted the whole escape to be funny, since its Nic’s POV, and it just wouldnt suit his carefree spirit to make this super serious (yet). 

“I’ll give you that, hiding for so long was sort of impressive.” Niccolò heard Renga’s voice behind him as the General had caught up with him. 

almost wrote “century” there but then remembered  nah omg he can’t know yet 

A piece of ice may or may not have also hit Renga straight into the face but nobody would complain about that anyway. 

yeah i just love the thought of this super dramatic scene of Nic entering the Avatar State and then theres a chunk of ice knocking Renga unconscious lmao get fucked, dude 

“Nic!” Ermal ran towards the slowly decreasing water pillar to catch the unconscious airbender in the last second, dropping to his knees in the process. That was beyond anything anybody of that age should normally be capable of. That was beyond what any waterbender could ever be capable of. And yet, lying in his arms, Niccolò looked so exhausted, so weak. Just like any other kid. Not a trace from the sheer force that was unleashed moments earlier.

I think this was really the moment Ermal started feeling real responsibility over Niccolo. Just seeing him do all these crazy things and yet being reminded that this huge burden of being the Avatar is literally thrusted upon a simple kid.  Also, this is the first time he called him “Nic”

Various noises and sounds buzzed through the air that afternoon: The loud shoveling of snow from the bow, the quieter crackling emerging from the hands of the firebenders who were melting their frozen compatriots, the fast steps rushing left and right over the ship. All these different sounds were heard, but none of them were chattering. Nobody dared to chat. Not after this disastrous defeat. What a disgrace that had been, General Renga thought grinding his teeth.

Everybody on this goddman ship is just scared shitless that Renga will roast them if they so much like whisper. they know he moody, they know he’ll blame them for the avatar’s escape. so lets all just work and repair shit and keep quite. 

When he found consciousness again, he was left with not only one horrendous purple bruise on his face, but also with a half destroyed ship. 

jdsfksajfklf OK SO YEAH, my first intention was “lmao let a piece of ice hit him” but then i realised “oh wait he’d have a bruise afterwards”  and then “LMAOOOO he’d be like Zuko, how perfect is that”   ok so granted, unlike our dear fire prince, Renga’s bruise is only temporary, but i really hoped someone would pick up the connection to Zuko

Whatever had happened to the Avatar earlier, it left a colossal mark on the ship, and secretly, on Renga personally too. He might have gotten fooled once, but he wouldn’t get fooled again.

basically, he feels personally insulted about being beaten by a kid. what a loser lmao

“Martino!”

“Y-yes, General?” stuttered the lanky assistant with the askew glasses, clenching his hands around his writing board. One would think you’d get used to Renga’s harsh tone over time, but that was simply not the case..

rip martino but renga absolutely needed a poor anxious assistant whom he could terrorise

“We need the best of the best to defeat him. And I just know the right choice for that job…”

heeeeheeee ….. no comment ..for now.  but im curious to what you guys think about that 

Thank you so much! this was a lot of fun to do ! :)

[delicrieux]

pairing: kane x f!mc

fandom: playchoices, the elementalists

summary: she joins him.

warnings: uh… age gap i guess??

words: 2.8k (and i oop-)

author’s note: i thanos snapped. so a lot of people wanted to join kane so im giving that chance now with a dash of good old fashioned manipulation and sum romance. is kane still the villain? oh yea. does he actually like the mc?? up to you. i left this on a very pb like dramatic cliffhanger. will most likely not have a continuation unless TE disappoints me again lol ALSO! i recommend reading foreverland first.

tags: @tilliesmarshall - @somegdchoices - @lastfirstcupcake - @peach-space -@magicpijama - @zodiacsign1

feedback is always appreciated xoxo

masterlist | buy me coffee☕

Weeks passed and there was no word of him, not a hushed whisper in the night, or even a gentle caress of spring wind in the morning. He had faded into smoke, melted into the world, into everything and nothing, and she couldn’t feel his presence and it frightened her more than she could admit. Her friends talked and joked and even Atlas came around to the idea of their mother – it is no doubt due to (Name)’s perseverance and exuberant energy – and her grades were up and all was just so swell except that he was missing. She knew she warned him against writing; she knew that showing himself would be terribly stupid. Yet she still expected him to just pop out from a corner one day and swoop her into his arms while they laughed and the whole world was nothing but chaos around them. That didn’t happen.

Nothing happened. She began to wonder was their encounter that night even real.

And then one morning she awoke early, too early, in a perplexed dream state that urged her to leave the dorm. The sun was rising, golden-orange and pretty, and her room was glowing in gentle spring colours, warm, soft, the contours of it blurry, misty even. In clumsy, sleepy steps and rubbing her eyes she stalked to her door, opening it, intending to get a glass of water, though as she stepped through the threshold a deep, inky darkness greeted her, and tiles were replaced by tall tickling grass and the night held two alien moons in it. The air was fresh and a breeze danced around her unruly, playful, familiar, though seemingly ancient. She stood at the foot of a hill, a faraway figure sitting at the very top watching the stars. (Name)’s heart jumped to her throat and she climbed closer, though she was slow and heavy as if someone was forcing her away.

But in the twin moonlight she saw the stranger’s face. Disbelieve washed over her like a freezing wave of seawater.  The woman resembled her and Atlas, her eyes, melancholic and dazed, gazed somewhere beyond this world. She did not see (Name) standing just ways below and her lips moved softly, her voice carried by the wind, “You absolute fool, wayward.” Her voice struck cord within (Name), “I cannot believe you would…do such terrible things. I almost do not want to believe them.” Theia tilted her head down to the earth she sat on, her gaze forlorn and her hand moving to touch the grass, “I almost don’t, old friend. “ A ghost of a smile played on her lips for the briefest moment before her face scrunched into worry, “I was going to tell you. Someday. I figured I had all the time in the world to do so, but I suppose that I…” She trailed off, “I saw…I know…I…One day you will meet two very beautiful and capable women. A day far far away from now. I don’t know how, or why, or if my visions are true, but you will. And once you do I want you to remember this. And I want you to promise me that you will do everything in your power to protect them. To never hurt them. And to bring them back to me.”

The wind blew past, ruffling her hair, as if in response to her request. Teary eyed she smiled, and her smile could have rivalled that of the sun, “You are the last person I should trust with this, Hurricane. But you are the only one I do.”

(Name) blinked and she found herself in her dorm, standing still by the couches, the clock ticking in her ears. She looked around, heart hammering in her chest, sweat collecting on her forehead, yet there was nothing that resembled her dream. Her mother’s face lingered in memory before it too became a ghastly blur. Just her voice, bell like and endlessly pleasant, foretold of …what? A prophecy? It was a silly thing to believe, but did she have a choice in the matter? She decided to tell Atlas once the girl awakes.

But something kept her from opening her mouth. At breakfast she stole glances at her sister, and she appeared as indifferent as she always did. And as their group was leaving, the last group to exit, and her friends continued onwards while she glanced back behind her, confusion making her frown. In her seat sat a letter which’s parchment she could not mistake for anyone else’s. She smiled with an exhale of bated breath, quickly exclaiming how she forgot something and rushed back before the doors closed. It sounded fake to her the reasoning. But no one suspected anything. Not now, nor when she came back from foreverland, either.

She hid the letter in her room and hid it well and continued her day as if nothing happened.

All went wrong in evening.

(Name) pales at the sight – Shreya stands tall and angry, her hands grasping Kane’s letter, eyes set ablaze from hate. She holds the letter up and (Name)’s eyes follow it, “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is.” Her voice is of contained anger, hot and harsh. (Name)’s expression must betray her because Shreya drops the letter onto the coffee table bitterly, crosses her arms over her chest, “I knew it.” She states, “I knew there was something wrong. I knew it since you came back from ‘clearing your head’. I knew you were hiding something, but this…” She shakes her head, momentarily struck by sadness, “I thought we’re friends. I thought you trust us…Clearly, I was wrong.”

“Shreya—“

“I get it. You know, I get it. He’s charming. And powerful. And yeah, he could use a makeover or ten, but I get the appeal.” She continues as if not hearing her name being called, “But he’s dangerous. And he’s vile and wicked and he is using you.”

(Name) holds her hands up in defence, successfully shushing her worried friend, “It looks really bad, I’m aware. But please listen to me. He’s really…not what you think he is.” Her eyes travel to the letter, a small, fond smile slipping on her lips as she takes a seat on the couch. Shreya continues to watch her, “He’s silly. And he likes to laugh. And he tells me the truth. He is the only one that tells me the truth.”

“He is manipulating you, you absolute dumbass.” Shreya cries in frustration, plopping down next to her, grabbing the letter and waving it in front of her eyes, “He is trying to turn you against us. Did you forget that he invaded the school? Nearly choked our professors? Hurt Atlas? Did he magickally forget to explain himself for all of that, or did you wilfully chose to ignore it?”

“He made a mistake. I know. But it’s different for him. Shreya he is…not of this world. Alma isn’t, either. You think she would think twice about enabling someone if they got in her way? They are something different all together. They see the world differently. They see the bigger picture.”

“Then don’t involve yourself with them. Either of them. They both give me the creeps.” She adds, more to herself.

“All Alma has done is frighten us. She forbade me to learn illusionary magick and she made me practice Blood magick in order to save Atlas because she almost killed her.” (Name) catches Shreya’s gaze, locks it fiercely.

“But Kane isn’t a valid option.” Shreya’s hands land on (Name)’s, squeezing softly, her eyes struck with worry, “I’ve seen that look before. You used to look at…” She whispers a name, near breathless, glancing away, “…the same way. And I’m not stupid. I know this runs deeper than friendship.”

“I…” (Name)’s voice dies in her throat, her odd dream resurfacing, “I think we…I think we were meant to meet.”

She tells Shreya of the morning she awoke to find herself trapped within a memory. Of how she saw her mother perched atop of the hill, telling stories of times that were and times that will be. All the while Shreya listened saying nothing. Her eyes were guarded and anxious and she had trouble believing it was not just another trick meant to weaken (Name). Alas, she caved in with a sigh and shoved the letter into (Name)’s hands.

“Open it.” She mutters and notes how (Name) smiles gratefully at her, fingers working quickly to peel off the wax. Shreya watches over the girl’s shoulder before she falls back into the couch, disappointed. (Name) glances at her, “Can’t read it. The letters swim.” She comments bitterly.

“Oh…” is all (Name) utters dumbly, “Guess he was serious when he said he doesn’t like sharing.”

“What?!”

-*-

The game of Thief was going great, as great as it can go faced with such a competent albeit pompous foe. One second the world was ablaze and she was having trouble breathing, ash dyeing her skin grey, as Griffin shouted commands, Zeph laughed somewhere hidden, the enemy team’s flag safe in her grasp. But then the scenery morphed and momentarily she was short of breath; the fire and the scorching air turned damp and cool and gravel stuck to her skin.

The sky is dark here, where ever this is, and she quickly jumps on her feet, on guard, ready to defend or attack – depends on what kind of game the Frost King deems necessary to play. But something is…off. She turns around and the fields sway from wind like sea at midnight. The road to nowhere continues onward into ambiguity, swallowed by fog. Though in her line of vision she sees a silhouette, one that approaches in a lazy step and she already knows who it is. Kane emerges from the mist like a wayward God, powerful and breath-taking. For a heartbeat she thinks it is an illusion; twisted, sinister, made to confuse her and she tightens her hold on the flags. But then an idea dawns onto her: she knows of no one perfect at illusionary magick from the Gildegraive’s team, nor should they know of who Kane is. She exhales unevenly, her heart jumping to her throat from excitement.

She is, despite the misconception, not an idiot. He would not pluck her from a game, even if he desired to see her so desperately, and the look in his eyes – violet, gem-esque, so pretty – betrays of something, though what she only has a hunch of. She knows why she is here and strangely enough she does not mind, “You need it.” She says before he can open his mouth. “The Sun Crystal.”

Normally he is easier to read, or perhaps he built that image for her, though now she is unable to know what he is thinking. Perhaps it is her new found taste for the finer, grander things, or the ever present want for a bit of mischief, or maybe she finally realises just how powerful she is, but she gives him a smile, feathery and genuine, “I’ll get it.” She says in a sing like tone, making him freeze, “I’ll get the Sun Crystal for you. That’s why I’m here, aren’t I? You didn’t even send an invitation.” She wags her finger at him, “Tsk-tsk-tsk. Naughty.”

To her relief he laughs, “You are too clever for your own good, (Name).” When he composes himself, a proud smile curls on his lips and he motions for her to approach him, which in a spring, quick step she does, “Though I must admit, I figured we are past proper invitations.” She falls into his embrace, and he hugs her tightly, “That would be…entirely too predictable, no?”

She tilts her head upwards, locks his gaze with her own, “If you think I will ask you to take me out to the movies, you are entirely mistaken.” She leans in, captures his lips in a teasing kiss, “That would be no fun.”

“No, no fun at all.”

“They will know I disappeared, though.” She lectures as they break apart, which she is not entirely fond of, “You picked a terrible time.”

He hooks a loose strand of hair over her ear, pinching her chin playfully, “You are the master of illusions now. Or have you not been practicing? Tsk-tsk-tsk. Naughty.” Her cheeks flare up with heat, and her throat shakes, mind drawing blank. She glares at him and he laughs again, with his arm motioning to the vast fields, “All yours, my dear.”

She has doubted herself many times. She has questioned her choices, though all of that seemed to change quite a while ago. While she can’t pin point when did this confidence started to grow within her, she feels none of her previous dark thoughts clouding her mind. With a steady breath she locates her magick – the sun, so foreign in this bleak, eerie place – and it glows within her, seeps through her skin, smells like flowers and pollen mixing with light summer breeze. Her eyes close and she concentrates, imagines herself, her every quirk, every awkward smile, every languid movement. And when she opens her eyes again, a mirror image of her stands just ways away, the resemblance uncanny and if not for the blank look trapped within her eyes (Name) would think that Atlas jumped into this world wearing a different hairdo.

(Name) looks at Kane, who regards her clone mildly impressed, seizes her up and down for any errors. (Name) smacks his chest; he raises a brow, “…Jealous?” He asks amused.

“In your dreams, Hurricane.” She misses the slight narrow of his eyes at the nickname, now focusing back on the illusion, “Can you…send her-me-…it back?” Her simulacrum is gone with a snap of his fingers. She turns to him, frowning as he watches her with an inquisitive gaze, “What?”

“Why did you call me that?”

All the tension in the air seems to dissipate and she feels a bit like her old self again, energetic and giddy, “Oh! Well, about that, I actually had this really weird dream about my mom and stuff and she was calling you all sorts of names like Wayward and Hurricane and I guess it just slipped my mind is all.” She explains in one breath making him snort. She stops to catch her breath, now thoughtful, “She also mentioned that…she knew you were going to meet me. And Atlas. Us both.”

“Ah.” He nods in agreement, his arm snaking around her waist and pulling her closer, “I do recall Theia and her prophecies. Most of them were laughably untrue. Though…This one…Always had the feeling it was destined to happen.” He finishes in a lower, honey-coated tone.

“Then…does that mean--?”

“Yes. We are unavoidable.”

This time he kisses her and her eyes shut obediently, overtaken by his raw desire and the scorching heat of his touch. The world goes in vertigo; the air contorts from cold to warm and fragrant; instead of harsh gravel she feels feather-soft sheets tickle her skin pleasantly, his weight resting atop her. Her hands run in his hair and his hat yet again helplessly falls off, forgotten somewhere by the foot of the bed in this unfamiliar, dream-esque place. His lips roam to the side of her jaw, then her neck, and her eyes snap open as her whole body tingles. The ceiling spins and bites her tongue when he finds a particularly sensitive spot. She can feel him smile, enjoying this perhaps too much. Her fingers tug on his locks and he releases a sound that is low and dangerous and boundlessly delicious.

“The game will end soon.” She reminds, breathless, alluring, arching into his touch like a helpless flower. He merely hums against her skin, not too interested, “Do you want the crystal or not?” She wonders aloud, if only to tease him.

“I want you.”

He halts his movements suddenly, and fear stills her beating heart: had he taken her taunting seriously? She almost wants to whine, but when he finds her gaze his eyes twinkle with mirth, “Alas, you are a terrible tease.” He whispers, his lips grazing the side of her cheek, “Don’t take too long.”

She is plunged yet again as if into water, and her body goes in shivers once she finds herself back at Perderghast, terribly confused and undeniably hot. Irritation picks at the back of her throat in bitterness, yet time is of the essence, and he always was impulsive. She falls into step, at first somewhat slow and then picks up pace, lastly rushing to the Sun-Att classroom with a wicked grin. She wonders if her friends had figured out that the one occupying her spot is nothing but an illusion, or had it already melted? Will they be angry? Will they laugh? She would laugh. Then again, she had acquired a bizarre sense of humour recently.

She reaches the classroom and throws the door open, stumbling in and shielding her eyes from the blinding light. Her smile is immediately wiped from her face.

“Alma?” She questions, uncertain at first, her eyes narrowing with suspicion at the looming figure of the Blood Source watching (Name) with a displeased, ruthless look, “What are you doing here?”

thank you for reading! xx

[ilovemygaydad]

Friends in Dark Places [ch 14]

pairing: moxiety, eventual logince, background eventual remile, background eventual remy/emile/deceit

WARNINGS: kissing, implied making out, non-consentual touching and kissing, abusive ex, toxic relationship, self hate, sex mentions, mentioned threesome, rumors, depression, anxiety, depressive episodes, food mentions, unhealthy coping mechanisms, not eating, isolation, worrying, swearing, anger, yelling, swearing, homophobia, homophobic slurs, possibly something else

tag list: @hufflepuffgirl01 @cocobearthe4th @cas-is-a-hunter @band-be-boss-blog @theunoriginaldaisy

a/n: jsyk, it’s totally okay to ask for a modified chapter if you need it or if i need to add tags! i get it, and it’s no problem for me to quick edit a chapter or whatever :) also, feel free to send requests or questions that you have!

first - previous - next - companions

consider buying me a coffee (please)

-

February 18, 2016

Patton stepped over the threshold into Jay’s house. He’d spent a lot of time there, so it wasn’t being in his boyfriend’s house that was making him anxious; it was the fact that it was the first time they would be alone. Jay had begged him to come, so he’d obliged.

He shook the snow off of his coat and dumped it on the floor next to his boots. “Babe, I’m here!” Pat’s voice echoed lightly in the plastered halls. He heard shuffling a few rooms over and made his way towards the sound. The door swung open, and a half-dressed Jason stood in the doorway. He subconsciously noted the girl sitting on the couch, equally undressed and disheveled.

“Patton. Looking gorgeous as ever,” his boyfriend drawled. His lips were swollen and bright pink.

“What the hell is going on, Jason?” Patton’s voice was hard as he gestured to the scene in front of him. The girl inside stood up and walked to the door, wrapping her slender arms around Jason’s waist.

“He really is as beautiful as you’ve said, Jay. Those eyes truly are stunning. And you know how hot I think freckles are. I would have been a fool to refuse your offer.” Her words dripped like honey--uncomfortably slow and thick. Her hand reached out to cup Pat’s cold-tinged cheek, and he flinched back from her touch, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

“What offer, sweetheart?” The anger was gone, replaced with a sugary sweet that held no warmth.

Jason gave his signature dashing smile. “I was thinking, right? You’re bisexual; I’m bisexual. And Lauren here has just been dying to try a threesome. It’ll be fun!”

“What?” That was ridiculous! What kind of thought process was that?

“C’mon, babe. I’ve seen your potential; you’d be an amazing partner in bed!” Jay quirked his eyebrow and pulled Patton closer.

“First of all,” Pat stated as he took a step backward. “You know my feelings on this matter. Second, no! I’m not doing that! We’re fifteen, Jason. Not to mention that you set this all up without even consulting me.”

“And I wouldn’t have had to do that if you’d just loosen up a bit and let me show you something actually pleasurable!” 

Patton was about to protest once more when Jason roughly kissed him; his hands fumbled with his belt buckle. On impulse, Pat pushed him back, knocking both Jay and Lauren to the ground in a heap.

“What the hell, Jay?! I said no! What the fuck do you think that means?” The anger was back and more fiery than ever. He was pissed––no, he was furious.

“You fucking moralist! You ruin everything! I went as far as to make this perfect for you, Patton. You’ve done nothing for me, but I’ve done everything for you.” Jason slowly rose from the floor, redness rising in his face.

“I told you exactly what I was comfortable with from the moment you asked me out! I should have listened to Roman and Logan when they said you were nothing but bad news, but I was swept up by your ‘perfection.’” Patton spat back. He’d reached the end of his rope, and he was taking none of it.

“Those two were so much better than you are! At least they were somewhat willing to play to my needs; they were never so self centered as to refuse everything I want. Sure, they didn’t go nearly as far as I’d liked, but they’re better than you. You’re poisonous. You’re a bomb just waiting to go off and ruin all of my hard work! Now, either take your clothes off and join us, or we’re breaking up right here and now.” That stung. And for just a moment, Patton ran over the situation in his head. He was so devastatingly close to caving before he came back to his senses.

“Then I guess we’re done.” Patton swiftly put his shoes back on and wrapped his coat tightly around his body, stepping back out into the cold February air.

---

All discussion ceased as Patton, Logan, and Roman stepped into Westview. Every pair of eyes turned to them. Specifically Patton. A bright blast of chatter erupted once more, and Patton could glean little bits of conversation from them.

“I heard that he slept with three guys this weekend!”

“Yeah? I heard he had a threesome with some chick from South and Jason Keith!”

“Patton Shea is such a slut!”

“Not to mention he’s a fag!”

Patton Shea. Slut. Patton Shea. Whore. Patton Shea. Slept with three guys in one weekend.

Patton spun around and dashed from the school; Logan and Roman followed close behind. He could hear their furious voices behind him as they walked down the sidewalk to the nearest bus stop.

“I’m going to murder Jason! That dick deserves it! How fucking dare he hurt you like that, Patton; especially after what he did on Saturday,” Roman growled.

“For once I agree with your aggressive sentiments. Patton, you are the sweetest person I know. You deserve so much better.” Logan was normally calm—far too calm for most—but this angered him to the core. Pure hatred seeped from his voice.

Patton stopped and spun around. “Do I, though?” The words hung heavily in the air, and Patton’s voice cracked as he said, “Do I?”

“Of course you do,” Logan gently stated. “You are incredibly kind, generous, and genuine. I have never once known you to do something to hurt another person. Jason, on the other hand, is rude, egotistical, incorrigible, and… and… He’s just awful, okay? You deserve the world, and he deserves to rot in the deepest pits of hell.”

You break everything you touch.

“You’re wonderful, Pat.”

Whore!

“We love you.”

Poison!

Patton plastered on a fake smile. “Thanks, guys, really, but you should go to class. I’ll be fine—“

Roman cut him off with one fluid motion. “Yeah, just shut up and let us come with you.”

---

Jason’s words never left Patton, but neither did the rumors. As the months passed, they became less prominent, becoming floating leaves in the back of his memory. It wasn’t until much later that they would rear their head again.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me.

---

Present

Virgil paced around his room. He was worried. Patton hadn’t woken up until 11 this morning, which was ages later than he usual. Then, he had refused any visitors to his room, claiming he was doing mass amounts of homework. Virgil brought him some lunch, but he had been instructed to just leave the plate outside the door for him to get in a moment. Patton wouldn’t even let his mother in!

It was, quite frankly, terrifying, and Virgil was glad he’d gotten Logan’s phone number.

Virgil

Read [2:32]

hey lo its virgil

im really worried about pat

he hasn’t come out of his room at all and won’t let any of us come in

Logan

Delivered [2:32]

Ah. It seems he has entered a depressive spiral. As I’m sure you’re familiar with the feelings, I’ll spare you the details. Just know that it is nothing personal.

Excuse me for one moment.

Logan immediately went to his text conversation with Patton and began typing.

Logan

Read [2:34]

Patton. It has come to my concern that Virgil is worried absolutely sick about you. I know that you have been feeling less than subpar today, but I need you to let Virgil in so that you two can work things out. He obviously cares a lot about you, and I know for a fact that you care about him just as much. You are one of my best friends, and it kills me to see you down like this.

As soon as the read symbol popped up, Logan went back to Virgil.

Logan

Delivered [2:34]

Go talk to Patton. If he doesn’t let you in, text me, and I’ll make him.

Virgil let out a light laugh at that. Logan was so caring and willing to help his friends, but he didn’t know how to do it in the most sensitive way. Just seconds later, he stood in front of Patton’s door. He hesitantly reached out and knocked. The door abruptly swung open, and a gloomy Patton motioned him in.

Virgil immediately took a seat on the bed. “I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you like this; I just… I wasn’t thinking properly. I’ve been really worried about you all day, and like… I’m sorry.”

“That’s not the reason,” Patton mumbled, pacing along the blue rug on his floor.

“Then why have you been shutting me out all day?” Virgil’s voice was pained; the sound triggered something inside of Pat.

“Because I was trying to avoid this!” Patton gestured wildly at Virgil’s upset expression. “I didn’t want to hurt you, yet here we are! I’m poisonous, Virge. I do nothing but hurt people. I’m the apple from Snow White--sweet and nice at first, but I’ll end up killing you. You deserve so much better than me! You should have picked Roman or Logan; they’re smarter, nicer, more talented, and so much more. But no! You picked me of all people. I’m clumsy, stupid, reckless, emotional, and just plain pathetic. I have nothing to offer.” He sat down exhaustedly on the bed, flopping back onto the plush comforter.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding, right? Patton, you’re amazing. You talked a stranger that you had never met before out of suicide just because you wanted to. You let that same stranger into your home and then ended up allowing them to live with you. You are so much more than nothing. If anything, I don’t deserve you. Roman and Logan are both wonderful, but you have something special inside of you.” Virgil fell back, too. There were a few beats of silence before Patton spoke again.

“If you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you...” Virgil could hear the smile in his voice. He was so glad. He couldn’t bear to live another minute without Patton happy.

“Come at me, bro.”

Virgil felt weight leaving the bed, but he’d only registered it a moment before he was hauled up by the wrists and propelled into a sweet kiss by Patton. He lightly smiled. God, it was good to have someone again. It was even better that said someone wasn’t an asshole.

“So, what are we?” Virgil asked a few moments later, when they had ended their kiss.

“I think the proper term is ‘boyfriends,’” Patton smiled.

“You sound just like Logan.”

“Satisfactory.” Patton let out a small laugh at Virgil’s irritated groan.

“Shut up and kiss me, nerd.”

next

[gg-astrology]

i love your blog! can you do a cap sun aqua moon for the sun moon placements?

Thank u so much!! 💕💕💕 I’m glad I got this request cause its the last of the Cap combos skdjnfkjsnk im so proud and excited! 💕

[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Aquarius Moon 🥊]

Capricorn/Aquarius combo can be rather playful, might have lots of friends and enjoys mental stimulation from others (parrying)

It’s not all serious honestly-- on the outside, you have these combos who rather enjoys humour and being comfortable with laying it down thickly on others too (it’s good when you ‘sense’ them out and they can ‘take’ something a lil more unconventional-- your particular ‘niche’ brand of humour. You like surprising people, but you like chemistry/the way they parry back even more. A rhythm to your game is what you’re after, someone who can meet you toe to toe) 

You like people who are odd, a little different from you and can talk about their independency/experience when you get together. You like learning, about others because it expands your mind (Aquarius) and that’s good for you because you genuinely enjoy the company of those around you and appreciate them ( ‘good for you buddy, im happy/proud of you!’) 

While on the outside you may also be a practical, very very deeply considerate and thoughtful/caring person (the kind of person who-- if was in a horror movie-- would get their head together and be the one that Makes the Most Sense). On the inside you revel in your Chaos (Chaotic Nature)

There’s a reason Capricorn is associated to the devil, and no it’s because they are the devil--- it’s because you have this rebellious nature about you that’s lurking on the inside. Seeking to know, to find out, to question the norm/tradition. Everything can be changed ‘for the better’-- and with you, you have an understanding/appreciation of traditional modes already (Capricorn) thus why you’re breaking the system from the inside out. Or rather, you use your ingeniously to help smoothen the glide for others to see things from your perspective, that not eveything they’ve learnt/taken/been told is true and that there’s leaks in every ‘formula’ that people follow blindly. 

Even when above the surface, you are cool and collected as a cucumber (cutecumber-- you like to ‘keep appearance’ so you can be devilish/do your plotting inside) Underneath all that is a competitive spirit, especially when it comes to debates. 

If the venue allows you to exert yourself (physically/mentally) within a context that is structured/stabilized (established) and you can have a certain amount of freedom/expression of passion ---wow you really go in for it

Capricorn/Aquarius are intelligent, charismatic and isn’t afraid to be bold. Most of the time they aren’t even aware they’re being bold, they’re just following their own paths-- just like how everyone should follow their own, y know?

It’s stress relieving for you, to exert yourself into something. Throw yourself in and just ‘get it right’ -- when you’re demonstrative, you have power. And with that power comes confidence (other people see it as you being level-headed/critical) 

You might not realize it, but when you do something you get tunnel visioned into it a lot. And other people can see that and be attracted to your passionate nature ( a very classic, uniformed/looks good in official kind of nature) 

You’re often unaware of your own attractiveness or why people think you’re good, mostly you’re just doing it for you. And that’s all that you’re doing, sometimes you’re--- cynical, of people coming towards you wanting a light-hearted something. You need an explanation, a 10 pages essay outlining exactly what it is about you that people like. Although you know full well you attract people to you (might like the attention it brings, the importance/significance it gives to your ego-- which is healthy and valid, and not narcissistic or bad don’t worry, it’s important to feel appreciated and desired for everyone. )

Whilst we talk about all that, it jus means that you work hard and you don’t like to think yourself of ever stopping. Stopping means you become a ‘fixed’ motion-- and with that, you don’t know how to ‘start’ again.

Capricorn cardinal nature combine with Aquarius gives you two things--- you either workaholic it out or you stop and then take soo looong to start on something again. Because you’re careful, thorough, and want to know everything it entails before you start on it.

You want your passion to last, you don’t want to stop half way. You absolutely won’t stand for half-assery. And being incompetent in anyway is jus-- not up to par/unacceptable for you.

This is your ethic, both just outside and also your worth ethic. You’re a hard-worker, always focused on more/different/things you can grind and focus yourself in (there’s a bit of anxious/nervous energy in you if you don’t put yourself to work)

Your biggest ‘ugh’ moment is when you don’t have everything ‘prepared/ready’ -- especially if it ‘runs out halfway through’ -- you hate discarding things halfway. 

Wastefulness of time/energy/resource or expecting you to ‘come back and finish’ something with the same enthusiasm is now up to your mood/whether you have something new to add or not now.

There’s an element to you that can be quite?? Moody?? even though you’re emotionally consistent. It’s like feeling wise, you’re mostly just objective and detached sometimes (even though you’re fun-loving and caring towards others). You can get through things quickly, work efficiently. But if someone expects you to know how to be emotionally sensitive/flexible then you’re completely lost on that cue.

You can sometimes be completely oblivious to other people’s wants/needs from you, especially if it’s like-- emotionality. When someone needs/wants something you expect them to say it out-loud/directly, so when it’s hidden from you. And is expected to come from delicacy/tactfulness you’re like ‘um...what was I supposed to do?’

You like to be taught if you don’t know things, and you don’t understand how everyone else knows it intuitively. In a way, your intuition is crap when it comes to navigating the social realm (personal -- take note from Cancer/Leo). You mostly have your suspicion and critical/cynical nature that adds to your analytical skills. 

Learn how to ride a flow, a wave. Instead of sitting on the beach/stable ground all the time. You’ll have to get more in touch with your intuition, stops some part of your brain from over-working itself and making you stand at an ‘impass’ until you’re ‘ready’ to embark on a journey again.

Your overly thorough nature with how you approach/prepare for things makes you someone who skirts around a subject to ‘study’ it until you’re ready to ‘work on it/demonstrate/get into it’

Your motions (as mentioned before) are either ‘working’ (without thinking) or thinking too much (without working) -- no inbetweens.

Kinda short but sweet? 💕 I hope you enjoy it!! 💕💕

[terramythos]

My thoughts on October Daye #12 “Night and Silence” oooor “Dammit, Janet!” (suggestion courtesy of @mistressofmuses ).

And with this I am officially all caught up! Well, I haven’t read all the novellas and short stories, but caught up on the main series. Now I have to wait for #13 this year like a normal person! Gah! 

-So, leading off from all the horrible shit that happened last book, things aren't going.. great.

-You know that intense, extreme trauma 2 members of the main cast experienced @ the end of last book? Yeah that. Didnt go away

-There's a line about how Tybalt keeps seeing Toby as her mother Amandine... the person who kidnapped and basically tortured him last book. And he's basically terrified of shapeshifting at all and has just stayed in his humanoid form. And he's refusing help from anyone and disappearing for long stretches. And maybe going just a little bit Fuckening Crazy. G-great start, guys!

-And there's a flashback where he's just MEAN and like you can understand why but MAJOR YIKES and also pain.

Ok unexpected May feels ;-;

-Gillian Is Missing Again but I have a feeling this is not gonna be much of a retread...

-And.. boy this sure is a callback huh? May and Quentin being the found family, Gillian is missing, Tybalt is antagonistic...

-ok Jocelyn is a creepy fangirl character

-ok I'm 5 chapters in and wondering where this is going. Apparently there's Quite The Twist in this one or at least that's what I suspect is going to happen

-oooohkay they find like this weird pocket dimension with like. A miniature house that is also a chicken (and no one even mentions Baba Yaga). And idk what it is about the scene but it is fucking eerie and creepy as hell somehow.

Shade appeared in like book 6 as a Literal Cat so.. here she is showing up and being relevant for 5 minutes

-but what the FUCK is with this place. I got nothing and that exposition just raises more questions. There's no magic scent at all (except MAYBE cinammon), a bunch of rare fucking plants, and a fucking miniature baba yaga hut just wandering around

-that opens another rabbit hole because Golden Gate Park is ALSO completely unclaimed for no particular reason 🤔

This might be a waste of picture and might get deleted later but like, that's fucking creepy, right???

-god I know there HAS to be someone with cinnamon in their magical signature who we've MET but... it's been 12 books, dog. I dont fuckin remember

-The closest I can think is Simon with "mulled cider" because that's cinnamony... BUT it's pretty unlikely he did this, and that part of his magical signature is PRE corruption and we have the corrupted version running around.

-We just found a SECOND creepy unexplainable house hidden in plain sight so that's starting to feel Thematic.

-And she smells the false Queen's magic in this house :) someone supposedly asleep for 100 years in Silences. So that's great.

-Aaand there's Gillain! Not even halfway through the book. Way too easy.

-It's not Gillian. It's a Baoban Sith which is apparently *googling* a.. vampire. Ok

-My crack theory is pretty much dead in the water lol 

There's more than this bit but ;---; fuck dude

-But yeah! After a book and a half of hiatus, Tybalt's back! A little.. broken and suffering from severe PTSD, but you know.

-They go to Goldengreen based on a hint and Marcia is there baking cinnamon rolls. It really stresses the fact that she's making cinnamon rolls.

UM.

-.... holy shit.

-Ok. Ok ok. Assuming that's the truth that means Amandine's mother was.. a human? Making her a fucking CHANGELING Firstborn? What the fuuuuuck

-Oh that is fucking hysterical with what a fucking blood purist Amandine is. She looks down upon changelings and the beast races SO MUCH. Janet implies Amandine has no idea her mother was human, or at least never knew Janet. I'd bet she figured out she was part human because the Dochas Sidhe's whole deal is messing with one's heritage for fun results. Gosh. Hmm.

-And this mirrors everyone hiding October's heritage from her BEAUTIFULLY.

-I don't remember quite when "Miranda" was introduced but it was pretty early on. And now that I think of it there was NO REASON for her to fucking exist! What the fuck! The story would have made just as much sense with Cliff being a single dad raising Gillian. Miranda was just an antagonistic extra detail who didn’t... really do much. God damn it. 

-Cliff “accidentally” marrying Toby's maternal grandmother who is somehow Human and also like, alive, in order to help raise Toby's daughter is. Fucking Something, huh.

Oh lore??? (Oberon, King of Faerie, kinda a nice guy it turns out, accidentally knocks up a human. Uh... whoops?)

-Fuck dude, that was the blood memory flashback we had in book 9. The Luidaeg begging her mom not to leave on The Ride. Oof.

-So Janet is, yes indeed human and YES INDEED Toby’s grandmother. She’s cursed with immortality because of all that shit she pulled. 

-And BOY does that lore regarding Janet make the whole "Amandine was doted on and given everything she ever asked for" make sense cause... THAT'S WHAT THEY DID WITH HUMANS. And here we have a fucking FIRSTBORN born from a fucking HUMAN. Gosh. Jeez.

-and Katy pointed out to me that that's a big book 3 reference because Toby's family holds her down when THEY try to remove her from Blind Michael's version of the Ride, and SHE wildly shapeshifts through dozens of forms.It was a Tam Lin retelling only I don’t think I ever expected the actual thing to be relevant. 

-And FUCK Evening/Eira, by the way. I think that goes without saying at this point.

-So is Blind Michael's Ride supposed to be a replacement of the old one? 500 years ago the fae used The Ride to sacrifice a human every 7 years--until Tam Lin and Janet fucked it up. Fast forward to the present and we had Blind Michael showing up every couple years stealing children for what HE called The Ride.

-soooo Toby killing Blind Michael might have not been a great thing if you follow that line of reasoning. I mean, he was a fucking monster, BUT... Because The Ride is supposedly to maintain balance, hence the sacrifices. Whatever the fuck that ultimately means. And by stopping it...

-Add that on to all the stuff last book about how Blind Michael wasn't always such a shitty person, and... uh hmmm.

-OK this part might be a stretch but: the Dochas Sidhe are the only descendants we know of that are just... one hundred percent descended from one of the Three. The human part is largely irrelevant in fae terms. They’re directly Oberon’s, not some mix of Maeve/Oberon or Titania/Oberon. Would that mean Oberon is actually Dochas Sidhe? He did, after all, create the hope chests, and the Dochas Sidhe are literally living, breathing hope chests. IDK MAN. 

Tybalt, PLEASE.

-So it is, predictably, the false Queen behind this whole situation, helped by Jocelyn. And I just FUCKING REMEMBERED that it was that dickbag Dugan who had cinnamon in his magical signature .-.

-The Baoban Sith just be like "yeah sorry about almost eating you I uh straight up hadn't eaten in 40 years lol. Anyway I'm Kennis, what's up?"

OH FUCK! I FUCKING *CALLED* THIS SHIT OUT IN BOOK SIX! I remember it being mentioned offhand as something that could happen. I fucking KNEW we were going to turn a character into a Selkie for plot reasons. But I gotta say I didn't expect it to be Gillian!

FUCK DUDE ;___; in this house we stan The Luidaeg. Best character. I'm not crying. (I am.) 

-She has a line a few pages later about anxiety and catastrophic thinking, and how what you THINK will happen is never as bad as what actually happens. She compares it to "chasing the tide" and honestly that's such a useful metaphor, as someone often caught in that trap...

-They take down Dugan, yay, he was a loose end. He's not DEAD, but.. This is another one where the villain felt pretty secondary to the big plot revelations. 

-And Tybalt stepped down (temporarily) as King. Jolgeir's daughter is apparently going to temporarily take things over so I expect we will be introduced to her later?? 

---

-And, like the last few books, theres a novella epilogue at the end. This one is "Suffer a Sea-Change" and looks to be from Gillian's perspective.

-ok so Gillian has this whole scene where she TALKS to Firtha (whose skin she's wearing now) and I can't help but wonder if all selkies have this weird scene with the Roane whose skin they inherit when they ascend or whatever?

-The Answer Is "No", The Story Explicitly Says 

-Gillian is honestly pretty funny. She's up to here with this bullshit.

-The Luidaeg would like to remind everyone that she’s nice to October and Quentin but she’s not actually all that nice to most other people and Definitely Has Her Own Agenda. Although she seems to have taken in Poppy as an apprentice of sorts so... *vague shrugging* 

-And The Luidaeg speaking fondly about her "little brother Michael" who liked interior decorating despite being entirely blind. This is my uncomfortable face based on all my Analysis earlier.

-So Gillian is a Selkie now! That's not a twist I expected. And the next book (not out until September) is about The Luidaeg finally calling in their debts. So uh. That was one hell of a way to make the stakes personal on that.

-Im probably gonna make a master post overview of the series now that I read the whole thing in relatively short order. I'm glad I'll have a chance to read other books, but I'm anxious for the next one too based on the recent developments...

[amberstorm-splash]

My Comfort Item is a Knife (A 2Dace fanfiction)

 Want to read on Archive? Sure!: https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/36898563?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_182686899

Summary: Over the years, Ace has developed a coping mechanism in flicking his knife in and out of it's holder, sort of like a pen. He doesn't stop to think how this will effect 2D, a past victim of abuse. (I am very bad at summaries, sorry.)

Trigger warnings: Mentions of past abuse

Work Text:      

   Ace never went anywhere with out his trusty blade. Sort of like how he never went anywhere without his shades, but even his shades would be removed from his person every once and a while. No matter when, no matter how inappropriate of a place to bring a blade with you, he had it on him. Swimming pools, hospitals, airports; Somehow, he was always able to hide it somewhere on his person. Hell, he would even fall asleep with it in his pocket every so often.

 If anyone asked him why he always had that blade with him, Ace would probably tell them it was either to 'keep up a character' or to 'make sure he's always safe', but the real reason was much more badass. Oh yes, the most badass reason of all. It had become like a comfort object to him.

 Yeah, sure, maybe at first he really did only have the blade to keep up a tough facade and to stay safe, but now it was much more then that. When he was scared, (which he rarely is, mind you) he'd just think of the comforting weight in his pocket, one consistency in his life, and feel braver. When he was anxious, he'd take the blade out and flick it in and out of it's holder, sort of like how some people flick a pen cap.

 That specific habit would get him in a lot of trouble quite a lot. He would often get his blade out with little thought of the people around him and the place he was in. For example, he once was at a preschool, for no reason what so ever. (Well, it was actually to pick up Snake's younger cousin, but he never tells anyone why when re-telling the story to add to the comedy. Unfortunatley, while it would probably be hillariuse if I chose not to disclose the reason while writing, I have choosen to in a desperate attempt to be taken seriously, even though I pepper jokes in everwhere else in this story.) While he was at this preschool, he became anxiouse for one reason or another and absent mindedly flicked out his blade.

 To say the least, a little girl screamed, a parent slapped him, one child tried to steal his knife, and he was told he was never allowed to go back to the preschool ever again. While that was most likely technically the worse event to happen to him because of his blade flicking habit, he definently felt much worse for what he accidently did one day;

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Ace had been part of the Gorillaz band for only two months now, but somehow he had become fairly emotionaly attached to all 3 other members of the band already. If he had to pick a favorite band mate, it would must likely be 2D. The man was odd, to say the least, and even a bit unstable, but he was also kind hearted, talented, and hillariouse, even if sometimes Ace was unsure if he was meaning to be or not.

 Currently, Ace was watching a movie with said man; One of the horror flicks 2D seemed to greatly enjoy. Ace was usally fine during horror movies, he knew they were fake so he didn't find them that scary. No, he wasn't scared, just... Anxiouse. Extremley anxiouse.

 In this specific horror movie, their were many moments of intense, seemingly stretching forever silences. They would come right before crappy jumpscares, and happened enough in the movie for Ace to not get surprised by them. Yet, being in complete quite for such long periods of time, with nothing to look at other then a scene on a screen, which was usally of a dark corridor with nothing interesting to look at, his eyes wandered.

 As his eyes roamed around the room, he tried desperatley to focus them on to something, but everything seemed too akward to. His first thought was to look at or near 2D, but something about the man made him hard to look at without getting extremley nervouse... For some reason.

 After that incident, Ace tried more frantically to find anything else to look at. He didn't know why it was so hard to survive just one scene in a movie, but it bloody was. Without really noticing, he got his knife out by years of muscle memory and habit, and flicked it open.

 Thump! Ace looked over quickly to see 2D had fallen off the couch onto the ground, panic written all over his face. Had something jumped out in the movie while Ace wasn't watching? He looked to the scene to see it was still in the dark hallway, only for a monster to pop out a few seconds later. No, guess it must have been something else. Ace subcontiously squeezed his knife in concentration, and that's when it hit him.

 He speedily sheafed the knife into it's holder, putting it just as quickly into his pocket before kneeling on the ground next to 2D. "Sorry, 2D! I- I didn't realize that would scare you, it's just a habit of mine." Ace quickly tried to explain himself, helping the other man to his feet again as he did so.

 "S'alrigh'. I'm jus' a bit jumpy 'cause of the movie is all." Despite his words, 2D was visibly shaking and his eyes were darting around as if someone was going to attack him at any second. Besides, Ace had watched a few many horror movies with 2D, and he had learned by now that the blue haired man didn't get easily scared by them, even when Noodle would make sudden loud noises from somewhere in the house from doing... Whatever it was Noodle did in her free time.

 Ace tried his best to look sturn. "That's a lie." And just like that, as 2D gave an exasperated frown, Ace completley forgot about looking seriouse. "Are... You alright? Did something happen, with a, er... Blade, in your life? Like, a bad past experience with a blade?"

 He knew he worded it weirdly, knew it was stupid sounding, and he knew 2D would most likely laugh. Then, his cheeks would go red and he would try to hide it by turning his head away. But, he was quite suprised when 2D didn't laugh, and instead just looked mildly grieved, staring almost in a reminesent way at the wall.

 "Yeh... You could say that. Though, tha's quite a weird way of wordin' it." 2D gave a not so toothy, weak smile to the slightly shorter man before sitting back down on the couch. Ace followed suit, possibly a bit to quickly. 2D flinched again, followed by a spew of apologies from Ace. 2D simply shrugged in his general direction before continuing on with what he was saying. "Y'know who Murdoc is, righ'?"

 Ace gave a slow nod, suddenly feeling like he knew the general direction this story was heading. "Yeah, I knew him." 2D looked surprised, and Ace realized he had probably meant had he heard about him on tv or something. "Well, I used to know him. It's... Complicated," And for once, Ace told the truth about his past friendship with the other green man. Though, that was probably going to be the last thing he told 2D about that relationship. He didn't like to remineces.

 "Yeah, my relationship wif 'im was also... Complicated." 2D seemed conflicted for a second, as if in the middle of mental war between two ideas. Ace wasn't sure if one side had one or not when the other man began to speak again. "He was 'orrible to me. Always screamin' and frowin' shoes at me. I tried ta wait it out, tried ta make him a better person, and summtimes he did seem like 'e was gettin' better. But, when 'e left, I realized I shouldn' 'ave to deal wif that." He paused, looking up to the celieng with a semi-determined expression.

 "I fink I'm doin' a lot better wifout 'im. I dunno though, 'e always said I was a useless idiot. I'm not sure if I should believe that or not, now..." The courageous look melted off his face like butter on depressed mashed potatoes. Ace felt a shiver run down his spine. So, Murdoc hadn't gotten better. If anything, it seemed like he'd gotten worse. He wanted to know more of the details, to be able to see the full picture of Murdoc's abusive nature, but he didn't want to force the blue haired man to reflect any more. Some things were best left forgotten, at least until your stable enough to look back at them properly.

 Ace looked akwardly to the side of the room, then to the floor, then to the clock... Soon, his eyes were wandering again. He didn't know what to say to reasure 2D, and he was becoming rather anxiouse. His hand reached into his pocket, and... No. He snapped himself out of it. Right, 2D will get scared. If making sure not to trigger trauma filled memories from the tortured man meant getting rid of a bad habit, even if that habit calmed him down sometimes, so be it. He didn't want to see the sweet singer who had so eagerly became his friend suffer anymore for something that wasn't his fault.

 Instead, Ace decided to talk to 2D. Any words were better then this deafining silence that had seemed to trap the two men, even if Ace had no clue what to say and he seemed physically incapable of speaking. "You're not useless 2D. You're part of a hit band and you've got an amazing voice." He knew their was more to 2D then that; Their were so many great characteristic the man possesed, he didn't know where to start. But naming any other things he liked about the man other then his musical talent seemed like it would come off awkwardly.

 2D simply frowned at the remarks, heighting Ace's anxiety even more. "Tha's wot Murdoc would say, too. He batteled 'is insults of everyfing else 'bout me with compliments on my singin' to trick me inta trustin' 'im." Oh shit, Ace messed up. Guess he now had to admit all the other things he liked about 2D, even if it made him feel embarresed.

 Ace put on a determined facade, and grasped the othe man's hand. "Ah, but there's more though! You're really kind, your hair is nice, you actually care about people, and somehow you have the ability to make someone both calmed and nervouse by your presence at the same time." He realized he had probably admitted to many things, and shut himself swiftly up, and in the process let go of 2D's hand.

 The blue haired man raised an eyebrow in a mix of concern and s̶u̶g̶g̶e̶s̶t̶i̶v̶e̶n̶e̶s̶s̶ curiousity. He spoke up timidly. "Ace... Why do I make yew nervouse?" Ace paused. Shit, shit, shit, he figured me out. But what had 2D figured out about him? The more Ace thought about, the more confused and anxiouse he got. Surely 2D wanted an answer, but... When he looked into the man's eyes- Wait nevermind- When he looked into the man's heart all he saw was worry and care.

 Ace searched to see if he could find any other emotions hidden in the labirenth of the mind of 2D. Their were lots of little hints, but no conclusive answers, at least not in Ace's eyes. A slight blush painting the other man's pale cheeks slightly pink, a single bead of sweat runing down his forehead, and eyebrows tilted in a manner of self doubt all seemed to give away some lokced away emotions.Though Ace didnt understand any of these things, he still decided he needed to speak. "This band, everyone in it, and you... You're all so kind. I don't want to mess up and lose that."

 "We wouldn' kick yew out for no good reason, Ace." 2D stated suddenly. He had a determined look fixed onto his face, gaze intensly set on the carpeting near his feet. When Ace didn't reply, his gaze softened and he looked over to the shorter man. "I fink everyone 'ere cares about yew... I care about you, Ace." Again, the light pink hue appeared on his cheeks, and he quickly looked away from the green man again.

 Ace sputtered for a second, before quickly regaining his cool. "Aww, do you have a crush on me, 2D?" He made sure his tone of voice was as sarcastic and mocking as possible, to make sure 2D defienentley knew he was joking. There was completley no other intent behind his words other then to make 2D laugh. Totally.

 Unfortunately, Ace had caught 2D at a point where he was just zoned out enough to tell the truth. "Yeah..." Ace paused. There was no humor in 2D's voice, only warmth and honesty. After a few seconds of silence, 2D seemed to slowly realize what he said, and did a quick backtrack. "I mean- Yeah, ha ha, tha's a funny joke, Ace." Ace stared at the man. If he was lying, he was really bad at it. It was sort of cute, he had to admit. Now he was almost certain of how 2D felt for him, but, he still wasn't sure about how he felt for the other man.

 Yeah, Ace definentley cared about 2D deeply, but he was yet to be able to pinpoint if those feelings were romantic or platonic. But, as 2D said those words, his cheeks went bright red in a way he knew could only mean one thing. He made up his mind and scooted a little closer to 2D, and reached for the other man's hand. He smiled slightly as he felt the man's long fingers curl around his own mishapen ones. "Can I kiss you?" Ace didn't even think to stop the words coming out of his mouth. It felt natural.

 2D hesitated, a look of anxiety sweeping over his face. He attempted to hide it, but Ace was able to catch it before he could. "We don't have to kiss, obviously. It's up to you if we do or don't. Im fine with either." He flashed a fanged grin for good measure. 2D seemed a bit scared of the thought of kissing him, and from what he had gathered from what the bluenette had told him about what Murdoc had done to him, it was a miracle 2D trusted anyone, so Ace wasn't upset 2D probably wouldn't want to kiss him right away. Hell, even if there was no Murdoc, Ace still wouldn't want to pressure someone to kiss him, espically not someone as wonderful as 2D.

 The weary expression on 2D's face lasted for only a second more or two before a small smile erased it, and hot damn. (Let me cut in here for a second, as the author and a fellow lover of 2D's smile. I'm not going to even narrate to you what Ace thinks of 2D's smile, because if you have seen this man smile, you will already understand perfectly clear how it can bring world peace. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.) "Will a hug do, instead?" 2D streched out his arms in a shy inventation, and no way was Ace missing this oppurtuntiy.

 Ace carefully wrapped his arms around the other man's waist, placing his head in the crook of his skinny neck. An even cuter smile melted on to 2D's face as he wrapped his arms around Ace's upper back, as if trying to protect him and this moment. They stayed like this for a while, with 2D smiling down with melancholy at Ace, and Ace listening closely to the soft heartbeat of the taller man.

 Ace felt the world drift away. All that mattered right then was 2D's heartbeat and warm embrace. He was so enraptured by 2D's heartbeat, he barely was able to hear the man when he started talking. "I've never 'ad summfink like this before, y'know." Ace pulled away a bit from 2D to be able to see his face while he talked, making sure to keep his hands on the man's hips so he knew Ace wasn't trying to stop the hugging.

 2D coughed weakly before continuing. "I've 'ad relationships before where the other person claimed to love me, bu' never like this. Any hugs were only a means to an ends. Usally, the people would jus' kiss me an' try ta get in my pants, or in a specific situation, jus' abuse me..." 2D gulped, fighting back tears as he bit his lower lip. Was he talking about... No, it didn't matter right now to Ace. All that mattered to him right now was reasuring 2D.

 Ace reached a hand up to cup 2D's cheek, fingers tentatively gliding near the other man's face, wanting permission before touching him. When the man nooded his head, Ace held his face as lightly as possible, as to not upset the man. "You deserve to be hugged, 2D. To be hugged for an hour with no ill or sexual intent in mind, but instead only because that person cares and loves you and feels for you. I feel for you, Staurt."

 Those words were it. Big fat tears escaped 2D's now white eyes and fell down his face. This time, it was Ace who uponed his arms for 2D, and the sobbing man was more then happy to dive into them. Almost desperately, he clinged to the other man, all while Ace hugged back, glad he could help comfort the upset man. They stayed like this for a while, even after 2D calmed his breathing and his tears dried.

 Eventually though, 2D pulled back, much more calm then he was before. Still, despite being mostly calm, he seemed to still be a little worried and his hands were shaking, so Ace held his hands,and almoat immediately 2D brightened. "Fank you," He said, before placing a soft kiss to Ace's cheek.

 Ace was stunned silent for quite a while, face going red despite himself. 2D frowned. "Sorry. I didn' mean ta upset yew"

 The once green, but now red faced man simply shook his head, a wild grin plastered seemingly permenantley onto his face. "Nah, you're fine. It was preety sweet, actually." Ace stood up before giving an akward wink to 2D, but since 2D was also the most akward man alive, he found it actually quite charming.

 2D stood up too, not wanting to be left alone on the couch to just sit there. "Well, I guess I should 'ead to bed. Goodnigh', Ace," His words were filled with warmth and sincerity. Ace chuckled.

 "See you tomorrow, Staurt." Ace gave a small wave, before turning to walk away to his room. He couldn't wait to see 2D again, yet he was nervouse, too. 2D was in a bad mindspace right now, but he wanted to help him through it. And whatever happened, Ace wanted to show 2D he deserved someone better then Murdoc Niccals.

[mynopoly]

S’vana: A New Friend

"...'ey G'veena." S'vana called out to the other Demon Hunter that she had accompanied. Other than the sound of crackling flames that came from the campfire, her words were met with silence until it was broken by a deep sigh.

"What?" The other Demon Hunter rasped out, her gaze focused on the campfire in front of her.

Frowning slightly at the sigh, she hugged her knees close. "When...When d'ya think it'll be safe fer' us t' uh...walk 'round without bein' chased?" She asked quietly, already knowing the answer to it. Part of her hoped that G'veena's answer would prove her thoughts wrong. She really hoped it did.

There was a pause before another could be heard amongst the crackling flames. "Never." She bluntly stated.

"...N...Neva'? Are...Are ya' sure 'bout tha'?" She asked, doubting her fellow demon hunter's words. Let her be wrong. For once in her life, let her be wrong. "Wha' if ya' know...They decided t' sto--"

The Kaldorei shoved a piece of firewood into place, interrupting the Blood Elf's words followed by an annoyed grunt. "They won't. I've been doing this for over six thousand years and they still continue to chase after me the second they pick up my trail."

"...F-five thousands year?" Surprised by that number, S'vana frowned even more. "...Wha' if ya' know...they--"

"They won't." G'veena rasped out, sounding a bit irritated at the younger hunter's questions. "The only way to stop a Warden from chasing you is to kill them. Even if you manage to do that, I'm fairly certain that their spirit will chase after you instead, making them more annoying than they already are."

"...Oh. Okay..." Saddened by that answer, S'vana buried her face in her knees and sighed heavily into them. Feeling her anxiety start to well up, her desire to consume sweets grew. It was the only way for her to bring her anxiety down. Slipping her hand into one of the pouches on her belt, her hand grabbed at nothing. Oh yeah...She ran out of candy a couple of days ago. Getting more would be difficult, especially in Outland. Sighing again, she just hugged her knees tight.

G'veena's ears flickered at the other's sighs, her head turning slightly to cast a quick glance towards them. How did this one manage to succeed among all others? She wondered. More importantly, why did a cretin like her decide to become one in the first place? She stared at them for a long moment, contemplating whether or not to ask before taking in a deep breath. "I have a question for you if you care to answer, seeing as how I've answered yours."

"...Mh?" S'vana lifted her head up slightly and turned her head towards G'veena. "Uh...Sure. Ask away."

She stared up at S'vana for a long moment before flat out asking. "Why did someone like you decide to become a Demon Hunter?"

If she still had eyelids, she'd be blinking at the Kaldorei's question. "Oh...I uh...um..."

"Are you a child being called upon during the middle of class? Or are you an adult that knows how to properly speak?" Well, S'vana had a long ways to go to be able to speak 'properly.' Taking into consideration the amount of time that she's known them, it would take a spell or a miracle for that to happen. Neither of them were something that the Kaldorei wanted to put effort into doing.

Frowning at what she assumed to be an insult, S'vana just responded with a slight nod, "I'm an adult..." Taking in a deep breath, she hid her face in her knees again. "...Ya' 'eard 'bout my people's lands gettin' messed up real bad yea'?"

G'veena nodded.

"Well...m' folks...died durin' tha' attack an' I uh...realized a lot of things afta' things started t' settle." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing, "...There was nothin' tha' I could've done at all durin' tha'...I was jus' a lass tha' knew 'ow t' fish well an' stuff...Not a lass tha' knew 'ow t' 'old a blade t' protect 'er family." She sighed again, "...So I uh...decided t' go with th' Prince when 'e told everyone tha' 'e'd be goin' with Illidan t' 'elp...ya' know...find a way t' 'elp keep our addiction at bay before it took ova' us."

"And what caused you to believe that you'd be fit to become a Demon Hunter?" G'veena asked, showing mild interest for once in her life. Very mild interest. It was more than what she gave to others.

"...When I arrived at th' temple with anotha' group, I saw all these demon 'unta's talkin' 'bout stuff an' ova'eard some of them talkin' 'bout wha' they did before. Seems like th' general consensus is tha' they wanted t' get back at th' ones tha' messed up their lives. Now th' uh...Legion didn't mess up my life as much. Th' Scourge was responsible fer' all of it. I jus'...wanted t' ya' know...be able t' do somethin'. A way fer' me t' prove t' people tha' I ain't a dumb lass tha' jus' knows 'ow t' catch fish. Tha' an'...I know m' folks were 'appy with whateva' path I decided fer' myself back before our Kingdom got messed up. I thought I'd make them 'appier by doin' somethin' tha'd show t' them tha' I did somethin' fer' th' benefit of all of us even if it messed me up fer' life because of it. I 'ad nothin' t' lose t' be 'onest. I eitha' poke out m' eyes an' eat a demon or...I go back 'ome, return' t' m' ol' life, an' try t' 'elp rebuild. All of tha' while knowin' I 'ad th' chance t' do somethin' uh...different. Sorry if I'm ramblin' too much." She mumbled out.

Admittedly, G'veena's interest in them grew after hearing their story. Slowly sitting up, she leaned forward in her seat and rested one arm atop her knee, her gaze never breaking away from the other. Their words struck a chord in her heart, much more than she ever expected from someone like them. "I see. How did you defeat your demon when you summoned it? Yours is an observer correct? It had to have a vast collection of spells to use against you, yes?"

Hearing the Kaldorei's response, she turned her head back towards them. Realizing that they were sitting up with their full attention focused on her, she stared at them in surprise. Maybe this one doesn't hate her after all...The thought appeared in her mind. "Uh...Yea', 'e's one of th' big floatin' eyeball demons. I call 'im 'Z' cuz uh...it's easier fer' me t' say." An awkward laugh leaves her lips. "As t' 'ow I defeated 'im...Uh, as soon as 'e popped up I made a deal with 'im. If I beat 'im in this game then 'e can 'ave m' body fer' free. If I won though, I get t' eat 'is 'eart."

G'veena stared back at S'vana in faint surprise, "A game? You not only convinced an observer to play a game but you bested them in it? Which game?"

Letting out an embarrassed laugh, S'vana nods. "...Checkas. Tha' game where ya' get like a uh...chess board but instead of chess pieces, ya' use those small discs instead. Th' goal of it is t' get all of yer' opponents pieces or make it impossible fer' them t' continue."

"...Checkers?" G'veena responded flatly in disbelief. Checkers. She had played this a few times before in the past. "You...bested an observer demon in a game of checkers?"

"...Yep." She gave the Kaldorei a sheepish smile. "Did th' easiest trick in th' book. Lured 'im in an' made 'im think tha' 'e was winnin' before takin' almost all of 'is pieces in one move."

Silence fell upon G'veena after S'vana told her how they won against an observer demon. Checkers...Checkers. This girl. This short, lowborn girl that would be kicked out of any Noble party the moment she speaks bested a demon in a game of checkers. A game.

"...G'veena?" She called out to them, slightly anxious about their silence.

"Checkers...A game that does not require much in mental prowess and you were able to best an observer demon, a demon who should arguably have the highest intelligence out of all the demons in the universe."

"Uh...huh." S'vana nodded, shrinking away slightly. Maybe she's about to get yelled at. Oh no...

After a moment, G'veena's shoulder slowly started to shake before she started to let out what sounded like...genuine laughter?

S'vana's eyes went wide at this, her ears flickering rapidly. "G-G'veena? You...You alright?" She asked, worried that she might've broken them. Or maybe they snapped and this is their way of dealing with it.

Laughing still, G'veena gave a slight nod to S'vana's concerns, one hand lifting up to wave it off. Oh Elune, she never thought she'd be able to laugh like this again, let alone do it because of this low--No, this one wasn't a lowborn. At least not to her anymore. There was much more to this one than she expected. Far much more. After her laughter died down, she lets out a relaxed sigh. "...S'vana Skyspear was it?"

Again, S'vana's eyes remained wide, her ears flickering still as she nods. "A-aye...tha's me."

"You have surprised me this night, very much so. For starters, you managed to make me laugh again after several millennia. Genuine laughter too if I might add. Although I did not express my thoughts vocally, I would like to apologize for them regardless. You are not the fool that I believed you to be. You are far from it. In fact, you have far more wit than half of the hunters that I have met." She praised them with a small smile on her lips.

For the most part, S'vana was speechless. G'veena didn't seem to be the sort of person that would laugh or even apologize for that matter. "Uh...Um...T-thank ya'?" She sheepishly replied.

Snorting softly at that, G'veena nods. "Consider this the highest of compliments that you'll ever receive from me."

"Um...Uh...O-okay?" S'vana asked, not wanting to mess this up. She's going to assume that she's on their good side now. "I still don't think I'm uh...as smart as ya' say I am t' be 'onest..."

"That may be true in some respect, but you underestimate yourself." G'veena replied before laying back down on her bedroll.

"O-Okay?" S'vana replied again. She didn't know what to say other than that. She'll just...go to sleep now. She doesn't want to botch this up.

"Skyspear."

"Y-yea?" S'vana sheepishly responded.

"Where do you plan on going after we return to Azeroth?"

"Oh...Uh...I was thinkin' 'ome but...tha' might be a bad idea afta' wha' ya' said t'night." She frowned at that.

"Do you still wish to continue your training?"

S'vana looked over at G'veena. "...Trainin'? Uh...It's not done?"

The Kaldorei snorted. "Of course not. Do you honestly think that a few months is all it takes to become a Demon Hunter?"

"...Uh...Now tha' ya' mention it...Probably not."

"So, do you still wish to continue your training?" G'veena asked again.

Pausing to think, S'vana took in a deep breath and nodded, "Y-yea, I still want t'. I made it this far. Why wouldn’t I?"

"Starting from tomorrow, you must keep up with me until we reach our destination."

"Okay...Wha's our destination?"

"Feralas. One of my many hiding places in Azeroth."

S'vana slowly nods. Isn't that place in Kalimdor? She's never been there before. "Aight...Wha' 'appens afta' we get there?"

"The rest of your training." G'veena responded. "I'll be turning in for the night now. You should do the same."

Again, S'vana nodded. Taking in a deep breath, she laid down on her bedroll with her eyes closed. Before she fell asleep, she spent the night trying to process what had happened. This demon hunter who she met several days ago has decided to train her. Her of all people. She was certain that they hated her considering their previous attitude towards her. After tonight, that didn't seem to be the case. Admittedly, she felt happy that their attitude changed, even more when they offered her a chance to continue what she has learned. Sighing happily at this, she got as comfortable as she could and waited for sleep to take over.

[fmdxjerome]

*naomi pokes her head in after disappearing for the 600th time* bonjour 

family things where the reason i was so m.i.a. this past week. but i’m here now and i’m going to follow and unfollow people. update some things (like points, plots and tag lists) and head into ims. the good things. sorry i keep disappearing, it’s a weird time. i hope you all are doing good though. people who i have not talked to yet, i’m sorry i still haven’t introduced myself to you all. i’ll gradually work on this. people who i plotted with before, you know i’m gradually trying to get back to that too. i’m very out of the loop with everything.

though! working on some things. writing, photoshop, things, yeah.

but that aside i kinda wanted to take the space of this ooc post to elaborate on the headcanon i wrote yesterday? because? wow. uh. what the hell was that. i wont talk about the topics of the story itself so dont worry if they are triggering to you, i wont be mentioning anything in here.

i just. i started writing the headcanon because my inspiration for anything else was nil. i had things done for my starter (things that had to go out before it for the starter to make sense) and i was preparing to write but nothing came out. and i saw the days ticking by then so i thought “a headcanon will give me something to put out as i dont want to loose jerome but also don’t want to go on hiatus again”. i thought it’ll be like 1000 words and just explain seulgi and chanyeol a bit but it turned into that. i kinda got sucked into it. like, very badly. i wrote it in two days and two nights with little sleep and a lot of tears and it fucked me up but not in a bad way persay (not in a good way either but). after my hiatus i’ve been all kinds of weird with jerome? i haven’t known how to put him out there and advertise him as a cool dude to new and old people in here and i blame my mood for that? because when i was all meme kid 2000 it was easier to thrust him into people’s dm’s, but then after the hiatus i’ve been so goddamned serious about everything that even the funny posts i try to make dont make it to the blog because i think about them too much? (honestly. i have a backlog of memes guys.). then i write that, start writing that with the beginning and end in mind and it’s so goddamned dark but it gets my emotions out and makes me feel more intrigued to flesh out jerome. it relieves me a bit. 

because the thing about jerome is that family is one of the most important things for him. and exploring chanyeol, who had everything jerome had wanted when he grew up (to be raised by a mother who looked like him and loved him), made me find jerome again. it’s the comparing of lives that do it, how two brothers that came from the same prompt live such different lives because of the polarizing answers their mothers gave to one of the hardest question in life. but then again they have so much the same; the drinking, the faces, the laughs, the ridicule, and so much more. they’re more like twins than they are brothers, just years apart and not quite the same.

(there is a reason why *if you read the story* i pinned their situations against each other often, give the perspective of jerome’s life whilst giving context to chanyeols)

and i dont know if jerome will ever know about chanyeol, meet seulgi, find a connection with his mother, feel a bond with his sibling (who’s connection form is almost done, i’m hoping for a sister) or find the bad of himself in his father but it’s the start of exploring this part of jerome’s life, his bloodlines, that get me so much more into jerome’s story. because it is such an important piece in his life.

and look, you might think “but thats marie!” if you look over his blog or read his bio (please dont. its ugly.), that she’s the most influential thing in jerome’s character as she’s the one who basically created “yuddy”. and yeah, she’s important. he still gets anxious when she teeters with the information only they know and still gets furious when he sees her face. but it’s family that starts it all. 

he wouldn’t be as searching for warmth if it wasn’t for the fact that he views himself to be abandoned when just a baby, which his mother did with all the heart break in her heart. he wouldn’t be as proving and intense if it wasn’t for the fact that he feels like he has just one moment to cement himself in someone’s memory as something to desire (whether its about music, lust, love, etc.). he wouldn’t be as afraid of loosing important people in his life if he hadn’t lost the most important one of all.

also, he wouldn’t be as natural with the flirting and the charming smirks if it wasn’t for the fact that his father had that natural allure to him, too. had that bad treatment, too. had that booming confidence, too. and had that selfishness, too. (i villainize chanwook a lot. but he was just a guy who didn’t like commitments, he wants the fun and nothing else. hmm doesn’t that sound familiar.)

yuddy was a reaction to marie, but made possible because of chanwook. hey, thats pretty deep.

anyway, what also was interesting with exploring chanyeol was the fact that jerome’s biggest wish was to be able to look at someone and recognize himself in it. with his adoption family he obviously couldnt do that. and to add another layer in his hometown there were no korean faces, no ethnicity he could belong to. (i dont know how it is in legit laval and martigné-sur-mayenne as i am just a dumb kid who only has the internet to find things out BUT as i live in a western european town *obliviously naomi you’re dutch* thats pretty big and those towns arents the biggest i can use my own experiences and grab the data/information i can find on the internet to create young!jerome’s school and daily life environment.) but he could live with that if he just had a mother or/and a father he could look up to and see himself. there have been days where he’s been bullied for the shape of his eyes or the colour of his skin, there have been days where he’s been fetishized for them too, and if he was allowed to look up at his mother he could see the same pairs of eyes stare back at him. and if he’d look at his father he’d see the same coloured skin. he’d feel more at ease. but he sees blonde hair and peachy skin instead, sees hazel eyes and different noses. add a DEEPER layer and he can’t seem to find where he gets his ugly wide laugh from, or his aggression when provoked. the gentle touch to the things he loves. the intensity of passion. the greed of selfishness. he doesn’t know where the traits come from, who gives him those traits, or if they are purely his own. and he truly wished he did.

and with that as he stands on stage now he is unaware that he makes two women cry every night. blissfully unaware that he has two mothers look at him and see the man that left them but see their missed sons too. he knows nothing of that, and so he knows nothing of the impact he’s making with simply existing. (boram looking at jerome is still very ambiguous in my mind though as her kid can appear in roleplay but seulgi’s view is pretty cemented)

okay shit this kind of turned into some weird exploration of jerome? i started writing this like 6 hours ago what the hell. i’m so slow. maybe this is helping me too with making that re-introduction thing i still have to make. great. well what you can take from this is that jerome has a definite baseline when it comes to his personality and i explored that in chanyeols story where he was the one who got it yet felt undeserving of it?

it’s affection. his baseline is affection. his baseline is warmth. for him as a person, a real person, his person. and not for anything else. and it’s nice to look at the people that gave that to him, the people that didn’t and the reasons behind it.

his biological mother couldn’t give it to him because she gave him away before she could. (the only exception being the first moment in the hospital room 26 years ago.)

his biological father couldn’t give it to him seeing as he didn’t even care to know him.

his adoptive parents couldn’t give it to him as they only saw him as a prop next to jade vases and ricepaper fans.

his first love marie couldn’t give it to him even when he thought she could, but then in time he realized she never loved him for him. realized she never loved him at all.

his grandfather has given it to him, as he sang with him to old tunes and learned him how to cook. his grandmother did too before she fell away.

frederic and halit gave it to him, freddy when he cemented himself as his first closest friend and halit when he pulled him along and shared his family with him. they both gave him a home, and they both gave him the concept of best friends.

julien too gifts it to him now, as he has poked through the shields that is yuddy and has never stopped grasping at the heart that is jerome.

its interesting. it’s all interesting and i’m kind of content that i threw this headcanon out there? or wrote it. (even if not many people will probably read it because of the content matter or because its dumb long or other reasons) because its really a start for me to explore jerome other sides more, the other important things. with the marie story half way finished and her changing in severity in his life, it’ll be interesting to further explore the facet that hurt jerome the most. bloodlines.

ok i got to stop because literally no one is having time for my wall of mess i mean wall of text and its getting way too late/early whilst i wanted to reply to some dms so im just going to grab my phone and start typing there. until i fall asleep. which honestly can be in a few minutes as today was stressful (my cat couldnt poop and i cried lol i’m actually a mess.) 

ALSO if you read the story, the program seulgi watched when she saw jerome for the first time was You Hee-yeol's Sketchbook when DEAN was on. and the songs she heard where HALF MOON (D) and ORDINARY PEOPLE. (which are probably one of my favourite performances of dean.) easter egg. or something like that i dont know-

ok naomi out

*uses a gif of my sweet winter child as i haven’t used one in ages*