#too bad i lack all motivation!
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#I've been oscillating between not caring at all and caring wayyy too much lately#both are equally bad#and it's also just a peak mental illness experience because atp I'm just done with this bullshit#and I go through 15 mood swings a day and I'll want to throw up from emotions (or the lack of them) and still be like#“yeah that's not true btw and I'm just fed up can you just quit it”#self awareness and mental illness work together sooo well#anyways#idk man#I'm tired I am so tired#i want to feel the normal amount and have the normal amount of emotions and care the normal amount and have the normal amount of motivation#spark a little bit of normality in here
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PEACH JUST ATE SOME FOOD
#she still hasn’t slept in about 2.5 days but she hadn’t eaten in more than 3#personal#hopefully she keeps it down but at least she’s finally motivated at all#she only had a small amount but that’s probably a good thing#she’d just throw up if she wolfed down a whole tin#now we just have to get her interested in her usual food or this special food with added water#so we don’t have to keep taking her to the vet every day for fluid injections#they did do a blood test today and it showed that everything’s still normal despite the lack of sleep so that’s a lot less stressful#they still gave her more of that painkiller but a reduced dose so hopefully she can get some sleep#she’s definitely not as out of it as yesterday. her eyes aren’t completely black today and she’s walking around more#and! she hasn’t had painkillers since the morning and it’s now past midnight and she wasn’t struggling when she ate#so her pain’s probably not too bad#god what a relief#makes up for the hours dad and i have just spent failing to upgrade by computer’s os
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#i had hoped this feeling would go away when i went to sleep yesterday#it didnt#i feel horrible#and pathetic#and unsignificant#i understand that you guys owe me nothing#the it is a privilege you even see and interact with my stuff at all#so i should be grateful#yet i cannot help but feel hurt#mostly because the lack of interest mirrors what my gender dysphoria and overall bad self image is telling me rn#my art doesnt matter#so i dont matter#my art is ugly and insignificant#because i am ugly and insignificant#nobody cares about me only what i can provide#and sometimes not even that#this weekend was my most productive in weeks#i actually felt motivated to create create create#but i guess i was too eager#because i feel drained#still i want to draw but i dont know if i feel like it is worth it#singing is prob no good either#i cannot give people a good time there either when my voice is failing me#so what good am i if i cant draw or cant sing#am i worth more than what i can give to people?#part of me says no#and that part is loud rn#what i can give is not good enough anymore#micahs thoughts
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youtube
#there is a Severe lack of gif sets for Dermot Kennedy music videos on this site#come ON tumblr this used to be The Place To Go for gifsets! what happened!#like for real am i not looking well enough or is it really a wasteland out there in those tags#for such popular music i am shocked i cannot find one (1) gifset for this video#got me out here posting the link to the video like a fool#i should get back into learning to make gifs but oh boy it is time consuming and i don’t have the time!!#anyways. wow dredging up old reblogs /And/ posting music videos?? i’m being Extra annoying on the dash tonite#it’s a bad night okay gimme a break. let me be cringe#anyways anyways. rewatching this & crying for the millionth time again for no particular reason :)))#there are many reasons that Dermot has been my most listened-to artist for 3 of the last 4 years#many many many reasons. many beautiful songs. but this video alone is enough reason honestly#one of the most important things to me of all time. on the list of stuff too impactful for casual consumption#it always gives me motivation to keep pushing and fighting for myself#the song alone is great but the video frames it in such a light that just.. means a whole lot to me#hence me being extra Extra™️ and posting the video instead of my usual just rambling abt lyrics and stuff#dermot kennedy#Power Over Me#music stuff#video#Seven’s Favorites#Youtube
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I need to get back into roleplays so I don't hate my writing again.
#the instant validation of finishing a roleplay response & your rp partner liking it soothes all the ills that#working on wips normally brings up#i have to wrangle self doubt#my nonexistent ego#lack of motivation#and all of my insecurities working on fics 😭#it feels like im being dragged through hell dante inferno styled test of courage#like.#i have this one old ghost soap rp with a friend right and i looked back at it#and it actually wasn't bad - honestly i was even proud and happy to read what we came up with#it was my only taste of cod rp but man i want to do that with someone again ‼️#if you're interested let me know /gen#i think roleplays help with character voice anyway and it like#you can get better at writing through it too#because technically it is writing#depending on how you go about it#anyway rant end#send me a message if you do wanna ghost soap rp somewhere#i should go back to working on my fics sobs#camus muses
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apparently there's going to be a james baldwin biopic... what do we think
i think im. slightly worried
#there are sooo many biopics nowadays it is wall to wall biopics out there. biopics and live action remakes and marvel films that’s all…..#specifically though i dont think it’s inherently bad or anything but I’m just. the worry comes from how often these biopics are not good and#their portrayals of the people they are meant to be about lack. sensitivity or respect or accuracy because it’s#lost beneath the motivation to churn out another famous persons life story in order to make money from it#case and point i will. NEVER forgive them for what they did to Nina Simone#idk i think in general there are. too many biopics being made nowadays and too often they are. exploitative and not good but I’m also not a#film guy so. in terms of this one uhh. i guess we’ll see?#telegram#anon#idk I love james baldwin i think absolutely he deserves celebration. is a biopic the way to do this. genuinely idk#*case in. oh nevermind
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still thinking about the upsetting npc I had the displeasure of meeting yesterday. fuck the shivering isles
#and fuck the writers and devs who thought it was even remotely okay to make this shit a gimmick#I'm over here with my life path irreparably altered due to mental disorders I've been medicated for since I was eleven#and had for who knows how long before that#and seeing all of my friends who have had an equally shit time. many of whom are disabled by their mental illness#many of whom have received shit from other people and organisations including hospital and police ON TOP of#the shit they were already have to deal with#who have dealt with huge amounts of abuse and stigma stemming in part from horrendous portrayals just like this#who deserve so much love respect and compassion for what they've gone through#and instead it's THIS. I'm playing through a game expecting nothing#and yet they manage to make a character that is a MOCKERY of an issue that is so sensitive to me#that I've struggled with for a long fucking time and that many people I care about have struggled with too#AND GET IT SO FUCKING WRONG#that's what really gets me!!!!!!! the complete disregard for the actual emotions motives and experience associated with it#do five goddamn fucking minutes of research#and you'll see that that's not how it is at all. that's not remotely how it works or why people have that issue#the complete and utter lack of regard compassion or even BASIC RECOGNITION of the people who are affected by this in the day to day is#staggering#I don't know what the fuck else to say. it's horrifying#it's not more horrifying than anything else in this fucking dlc or following this theme in tes as a whole. it's all bad#but this affected me a lot more bc of the nature of the issue they're bastardising.#anyway.#if you read all of this... that's embarrassing for me lol I'm just yelling#but don't worry about me I'm honestly fine. just frustrated#I really didn't expect to be blindsided by something that as I said is a personal issue to me in such an insensitive way#so it exacerbated my feelings about the dlc#but outside of this and when I'm not thinking about it I'm okay#so don't think I'm having a breakdown or anything.#however if you want to commiserate with me about this dlc please fucking do because I'm so full of yelling about it#anyway#fay rants
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I AM IN FACT STILL ALIVE
also I got my Skyscale! Her name is Nymphadora (not related to any characters from any wizard related books I just thought it was a very cute name and I can call her Nymph) I love her very much and would die for her.
#gw2#skyscale#AFTER ALL THIS TIME I FINALLY DID IT#guild wars 2#gw2 skyscale#pain and suffering#AGONY#it wasn't too bad with the return to achieves#DO THE RETURN TO ACHIEVEMENTS FOR THIS#spent maybe 3 weeks doing skyscale stuff?#it was mostly lack of motivation ;sob;#cynthia everett
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Two more weeks two more weeks two more weeks two more weeks two more
#honestly work isn’t bad at all right now#I’m just tired and lacking any kind of motivation#all I want to do is be in my jammies drinking hot beverages and writing fic#I don’t think that’s too much to ask
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#I kind of wish they'd given Armand at least one or two clear positive traits but idk maybe they did he just can't actually be#owned to them because he's built up so much SHIT and doubt around himself and towards Louis and tries it also with Daniel it's like#Impossible to say anything positive isn't also negative by association of how it serves to uplift his negative motivations#But I mean just to throw some out there??#I think he's naturally curious and uh... I think he at least wants to try being better?#But its fails miserably because he's so narcissistic and withholds far too much of his intentions and actions#He views a lot of negative traits as positive ones and positive traits as negative when there in contention with himself#I feel he conflates a bunch of things on terms of whats good behavior and bad behavior because he'd been adapted to it that way#He wants to be better but doesn't actually commit to it.#Thats sort of the unfixed sense of self coming in#Armands opinions on things have clearly changed to be diametrically different to what they were 70 years ago#But he also severely avoids owning up to all negative things about himself.#I think one positive trait is that he can regret his actions? He can self reflect.#but I don't think he self reflects enough to see the truth behind his actions or what future actions could have in consequence#Guilts good because then it's not a total lack of empathy there. But he displays it in such a guilt trippy way it becomes negative.#A lot of things about Armand are just like that actually.#His most natural impulse is to simply destroy everything but he loses that impulse if he can love care or wield control over that#I feel he recognizes he cant let such impulses run rampant but then he's just sitting on a mountain of repression to make his self image#appear better than the very very dark shit that's him underneath#These two things can't... integrate properly.#Partly because he's always in the wrong envoirment for it because he can't obtain this through gaining it out of other people actually#I think its disingenuous to say he's in total awareness of his actions as bad and that he's doing all of this to be intentionally harmful.#Even if he is at fault and consequence for them#and like unless there's an outright lie I think a lot of the things he says are things he genuinely believes but they just come into#so much contention with others and their safety and values etc.#But he could just as easily be orchestrating all of this with full awareness and intention. So it's really an interpretational thing.#Most of this is like ... not talking about his positive traits lol. They're there he's just too much of an asshole to get to have them.#Like if I were to place a disorder on him it'd be histrionic narcissist.
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Just spent over an hour searching for the static Ho-oh in the overworld and suddenly Ryuji taking literal years to reunite with his family makes sense to me now
#mel's musings#forest for the tree#the joke is that during his deadbeat era he was off doing the exact same thing. hunting for legendary pokemon to show his daughter#at least my ho-oh was stuck in one spot. HE on the other hand had to find that bastard roaming. makes sense it took so long#denise's dad is an enigma to me. he's not a bad dude at his core but he has VERY misguided ways of showing he cares#case in point: trying to make dena happy by helping her meet the pokemon she's been fascinated with since childhood#except this idea was born from him just straight up abandoning her and her mom. which is THE root of almost all her Issues™#he also lacks emotional maturity and is utterly incapable of seeing things beyond his own perspective sometimes#when his arguments with jen reach a breaking point he takes it as a sign she doesn't love him anymore#rather than recognizing they're both impatient by nature and not the best communicators and probably got married too young#and instead of analyzing his own feelings or talking them out with her (or you know. going to therapy) he just. leaves#his decision IS motivated by love in a way. because he thinks she'd be happier without him. but it's mostly just insecurity and fear#and he does feel bad that little dena got caught in the crossfire. so he tries to make it up to her in his own way#dena's conflicting feelings about his re-entry into her life is a WHOLE other can of worms to be honest#because she doesn't even realize how angry she is with him until she sees him again. she doesn't forgive him right away#but she's at least willing to give him the chance to prove himself again. bc that 10 year old girl who wanted her dad back never died ;_;#why is it that every time i try to be funny on tumblr dot com i end up writing emotional ass meta instead. how does this always happen#this was supposed to be a joke about dena's ho-oh hunt going about as well as her dad's. like father like daughter or some shit yk#ANYWAY that ho-oh sucks and i hope he lands on a stealth rock. good riddance#mel plays scarvi
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How to Make Your Writing Less Stiff Part 3
Crazy how one impulsive post has quickly outshined every other post I have made on this blog. Anyway here’s more to consider. Once again, I am recirculating tried-and-true writing advice that shouldn’t have to compromise your author voice and isn’t always applicable when the narrative demands otherwise.
Part 1
Part 2
1. Eliminating to-be verbs (passive voice)
Am/is/are/was/were are another type of filler that doesn’t add anything to your sentences.
There were fireworks in the sky tonight. /// Fireworks glittered in the sky tonight.
My cat was chirping at the lights on the ceiling. /// My cat chirped at the lights on the ceiling.
She was standing /// She stood
He was running /// He ran
Also applicable in present tense, of which I’ve been stuck writing lately.
There are two fish-net goals on either end of the improvised field. /// Two fish-net goals mark either end of the improvised field.
For once, it’s a cloudless night. /// For once, the stars shine clear.
Sometimes the sentence needs a little finagling to remove the bad verb and sometimes you can let a couple remain if it sounds better with the cadence or syntax. Generally, they’re not necessary and you won’t realize how strange it looks until you go back and delete them (it also helps shave off your word count).
Sometimes the to-be verb is necessary. You're writing in past-tense and must convey that.
He was running out of time does not have the same meaning as He ran out of time, and are not interchangeable. You'd have to change the entire sentence to something probably a lot wordier to escape the 'was'. To-be verbs are not the end of the world.
2. Putting character descriptors in the wrong place
I made a post already about motivated exposition, specifically about character descriptions and the mirror trope, saying character details in the wrong place can look odd and screw with the flow of the paragraph, especially if you throw in too many.
She ties her long, curly, brown tresses up in a messy bun. /// She ties her curls up in a messy brown bun. (bonus alliteration too)
Generally, I see this most often with hair, a terrible rule of threes. Eyes less so, but eyes have their own issue. Eye color gets repeated at an exhausting frequency. Whatever you have in your manuscript, you could probably delete 30-40% of the reminders that the love interest has baby blues and readers would be happy, especially if you use the same metaphor over and over again, like gemstones.
He rolled his bright, emerald eyes. /// He rolled his eyes, a vibrant green in the lamplight.
To me, one reads like you want to get the character description out as fast as possible, so the hand of the author comes in to wave and stop the story to give you the details. Fixing it, my way or another way, stands out less as exposition, which is what character descriptions boil down to—something the audience needs to know to appreciate and/or understand the story.
3. Lacking flow between sentences
Much like sentences that are all about the same length with little variety in syntax, sentences that follow each other like a grocery list or instruction manual instead of a proper narrative are difficult to find gripping.
Jack gets out a stock pot from the cupboard. He fills it with the tap and sets it on the stove. Then, he grabs russet potatoes and butter from the fridge. He leaves the butter out to soften, and sets the pot to boil. He then adds salt to the water.
From the cupboard, Jack drags a hefty stockpot. He fills it with the tap, adds salt to taste, and sets it on the stove.
Russet potatoes or yukon gold? Jack drums his fingers on the fridge door in thought. Russet—that’s what the recipe calls for. He tosses the bag on the counter and the butter beside it to soften.
This is just one version of a possible edit to the first paragraph, not the end-all, be-all perfect reconstruction. It’s not just about having transitions, like ‘then’, it’s about how one sentence flows into the next, and you can accomplish better flow in many different ways.
4. Getting too specific with movement.
I don’t see this super often, but when it happens, it tends to be pretty bad. I think it happens because writers feel the need to overcompensate and over-clarify on what’s happening. Remember: The more specific you get, the more your readers are going to wonder what’s so important about these details. This is fiction, so every detail matters.
A ridiculous example:
Jack walks over to his closet. He kneels down at the shoe rack and tugs his running shoes free. He walks back to his desk chair, sits down, and ties the laces.
Unless tying his shoes is a monumental achievement for this character, all readers would need is:
Jack shoves on his running shoes.
*quick note: Do not add "down" after the following: Kneels, stoops, crouches, squats. The "down" is already implied in the verb.
This also happens with multiple movements in succession.
Beth enters the room and steps on her shoelace, nearly causing her to trip. She kneels and ties her shoes. She stands upright and keeps moving.
Or
Beth walks in and nearly trips over her shoelace. She sighs, reties it, and keeps moving.
Even then, unless Beth is a chronically clumsy character or this near-trip is a side effect of her being late or tired (i.e. meaningful), tripping over a shoelace is kind of boring if it does nothing for her character. Miles Morales’ untied shoelaces are thematically part of his story.
Sometimes, over-describing a character’s movement is meant to show how nervous they are—overthinking everything they’re doing, second-guessing themselves ad nauseam. Or they’re autistic coded and this is how this character normally thinks as deeply methodical. Or, you’re trying to emphasize some mundanity about their life and doing it on purpose.
If you’re not writing something where the extra details service the character or the story at large, consider trimming it.
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These are *suggestions* and writing is highly subjective. Hope this helps!
#writing#writing resources#writing advice#writing tips#writing a book#writing tools#writeblr#for beginners#story structure#book formatting
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Guys how do you draw im so sick of procreate
#i just want doodling to feel as natural as it does in my sletchbook#i have a texture screen on my ipad honestly i think that makes it worse#i seriously need help this is becoming a bit of a crisis for me#i feel like i just cant draw anything jot because of a lack or skill or motivation or something#but because picking up the pen and moving it along the ipad on procreate and trying to draw something feels like hell#specifically on the ipad and specifically on procreate#ive tried clip studio on the ipad and idk i think it might be better but honestly it feels mostly the same (bad)#magma feels better. but i dont want the to be all i use. also its not better all the time#my wacom feels awful too (intuos pro small) but the clintiques in the lab feel… better? i think? maybe its cuz i have earbuds in??#maybe the sound is whay i cant stand???? IDK MAN IM HAVING A CRISIS I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX IT#EVERYONES ALWAYS DOODLING AND I FEEL LIKE I JUST CANT
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Shout-out to all my sad gays.
Shout-out to every lesbian not from Lesbos.
Shout-out to all my bi's who are just one person.
Shout-out to all my pans who prefer to hit people with pots.
Shout-out to all my polys who are one sided.
Shout-out to all my average omnis.
Shout-out to all my aros who can barely use a nerf gun, let alone a bow.
Shout-out to all my aces who aren't athletic.
Shout-out to all my trans folk who need to get something off their chest (or don't, shout-out to y'all too).
Shout-out to all my grays who are multicolored.
Shout-out to all my demis that are whole.
Shout out to all my aspecs that are part of absolutely nothing.
Shout-out out to all my unlabeled folks who are limited by their lack of motivation.
Shout-out to all my apls with food allergies.
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Shout-out to all my heteros that are carbon copies of another hetero.
Shout-out to all my cats.
(edit) So, this ended up way more popular than I anticipated. So, here's a few more, and they're all equally bad, as you'd expect.
Shout-out to all my xenos that're native to their countries.
Shout-out to all my cis comrades that are a part of the opposition.
Shout-out to all the external Indigiqueers (this only makes sense if you know the etymology for indigenous that's my bad)
And of course,
#guys this isn't even funny how is this my most popular post 😭#this is so bad im sorry#lgbtqia#gay#lesbian#bisexual#bi#pansexual#pan#polysexual#poly#omnisexual#gender fluid#omni#aromantic#asexual#aroace#transgender#graysexual#grayromantic#demisexual#demiromantic#aspec#unlabled pride#aplatonic#nonbinary#straight ally#xenogender#two spirit
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#today was kind of a good day and kind of a bad day#i don't want to complain about loneliness or being alone#actually im not i have quite a lot of frenemies#and i have my telepathy buddies the one or two of them#and i have my eunoch advisors#and the patriarchs...#tho i really can't stomach those anymore#no more patriarchs just friendly friars#and feminized unproblematic dandies#i feel awful guilt#and terrible lack of motivation#it is truly the dog days#but this means September is ahead a d turning the bend entering the most mystical faltime season#i am not even totally sure if i will survive until then#too many things to remember and elements ro pull together i am really simply paralyzed#and crying is such a relief because then at least something is moving#water is rolling and flowing#also#i realized today i was chasing two or more hares and decided to give up all but one#that was a huge relief#i simply dont need everything that i want#if i can hardly take care of whaf i already have
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me after making a character (villain) that does so many bad things but as deliberate choices that conflict with their morals which is still bad regardless of guilt they may feel. and at the same time she's not "intrinsically evil," nor do they enjoy it in any way. and also they come across neurodivergent, and i don't want THOSE traits to be demonised. and they do still have lines they won't cross which is interesting compared to other characters but they are very very awful still and state this themself: hm i think. i think i did a little more nuance than i needed to here. i'm sure i won't mess that up and people will read things as intended and in good faith :)
#yeah this is about pip. PLUS SIDE she's fun. she's evil she's sad they're probably autistic but that's statistically likely in my writing so#basically i want her actions and choices and greed to be seen as bad#but not like her lack of expression or interest in/love of magic and studying it etc#(a risk given it's half of her motive that they're willing to do bad things to reach)#like she's TECHNICALLY morally grey internally but a villain in actions#i just don't want the wrong parts to be demonised/seem like i'm demonising them#and definitely don't want her read as like “misunderstood uwu” no she's awful <3#but that's her CHOICE not her NATURE#idk it's probably fine i'm just always prepared for the worst mentally#been having a crisis over phosphor's cast size too because the post going around with object show pet peeves#but it's. like phosphor doesn't work the same as a normal object show. voting plot or format wise.#so idk how it applies.#idk this became more venty than intended. i'm just a little stressed. it's been so long since i've shared work like i'm about to#and phosphor has so much room for error compared to anything i've made before#don't worry about this i'm just mentally ill <3 haha#like if people really end up hating it i'll just. idk. stop doing it i guess.#my best is all i can do#don't get me started on whether killing certain characters will get people upset/saying it's "burying your (insert group here)#(they're all queer if anyone tries to say gays specifically because a character has a relationship i'll just self destruct)#that's not foreshadowing half the deaths are still undecided. mainly because of this worry LOL#okay i should shut up now#hobbies include not making posts ever (haven't even been on tumblr much the past week)#and then posting paragraphs of tags and then dipping again. uh if people read this hope you're doing well. sorry <3#i can only be concise in fictional writing not rambles#also note that this is like REALLY POORLY EXPLAINED#but anyway
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