#tons of mistakes in this thing but I liked animating it and that's what matters pipipi

[palskippah]

Nimona family you're everything to me

Hi! Did this to practice, based over a gif of Anthony Holden's again!

Reference under the cut :]

Also, I don't know if this happens in other places (I guess it does shdj) but when you have a family where not all members share the same last name (like here Ballister and Nimona are Blackheart but Ambrosius is Goldenloin) so they're refered to as one of the family member's name?

>Most of the time they're the Nimonas, and sometimes the Ballisters and other times the Ambrosiuses 😭 I know it's silly but whatever, I love that hdjdfh

-Also the loop on this looks really weird on phone but I swear it looks good on ibis paint when i play it ajsdk and on the tumblr web it looks decent too pipipi

>Also as a gif it looks kinda weird too waa (gotta click on it for better quality)

-Also I showed my lil bros and one of them explained what was going on there and said (what I think could work as a translation), the dad is brushing the mom's hair and the mom is brushing the son's hair and he is playing with his little shark and its tiny hands (honestly the best description I've ever heard, I loved it djfkdg)

[gingermintpepper]

Hi!! I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the person you explained the Castalia thing to a few days ago. I've been following you for a while now, but I just managed to go through your blog well and proper, and I'm here to express both my gratitude for the amount of info and links you've shared (I did NOT know about the hepatoscopy and haruspicy, and I'm about to go down a lengthy rabbit hole) and my horror at once again being given a new hyperfixation (I didn't imagine wanting to read about liver-divination help).

Also, also, are you the author of Exeunt Phoebus Apollo on AO3 because that was the fic that sent me on this greek mythology spree, and it's so good I got obsessed with Apollo, and he's everywhere around me now. Thank you for writing it!

AAAAAA THIS IS SO SWEET?? THANK YOU!! I do remember you and hey man, I'm always happy to help <33

I'm so glad to recruit someone else to my hepatoscopy group because it is a long and storied tradition with many many different types of study and schools of thought dating all the way back to the Sumerians! It's an extremely underrated bit of study when it comes to sketching portraits of divination and prophecy when it comes to adaptations of imaginings of greek myth works - similar to bird augury (which was such a widespread skill that most people had some level of understanding of the basics of what the omens of common birds meant the way people now can look at the clouds over head and know if it'll rain and when approximately that rain'll happen).

It's a great and common misunderstanding that things like prophecy and magic were these fantastic elements that had no tangible features to their practices and while there's nothing wrong with interpreting things as more fantastical for the sake of coolness or aesthetic, I personally think these elements are interesting enough to be worth looking into and portraying!

Also yes, I did write Exeunt 😳I'm very very honoured that you enjoyed my work so much and I'm even more grateful that it could let you see the Apollo in everything 💖 Thank you for reading it!!

[allur1ngs]

✮ bloody knuckles ✮

TW: angst to fluff!! i know the summary seems like pure angst but i swear its not! semi-graphic violence? , guns, kidnapping, bada and reader get into an argument, reader acts naively and a bit selfishly (but it’s okay, she’s young and makes up for it in the end), bada still having beef w your bodyguard, protective!bada, cold!bada (this time to you too…), violent & frusterated!bada, brief mentions of sexual activity (inc…toys, ass, boobs… sorry), use of the word unnie (about six or so times) brief mentions of drugs, a creepy woman, and a surprise character from the previous installment! 

SUMMARY: breaking bada’s three rules for a night of partying backfires in ways you could’ve never imagined. now, you have to deal with the consequences of your lies

part iv. succumb (to me)

WC: 12.5k… get some popcorn y’all this is a long one

A/N: read this and this for more background on this au. i’m sure there are a ton of mistakes sprinkled throughout this fic so please ignore them, this took me so long to write and i just want to put it out on time… i promise i’ll edit it once i get the chance😭

DISCLAIMER: all characteristics portrayed are purely speculation and fiction, they are not meant to reflect bada or team bebe’s actual character, values, or attitudes. please keep this in mind!!

On an inconspicuous Thursday night, when a heat wave had just hit Seoul, you lounged in your lavish bed—free from sheets—scrolling through social media.

Pictures of cute animals and food fill your feed, making you smile down at your screen. You are about to like a particularly cute picture of a cat when a notification banner stops you midway. Your eyes flicker to the top of the screen, finding a message from your best friend, Jae Hwang.

Clicking on the notification, you're transferred into your messages app, and Jae’s text fills your screen. “Unnie, I haven’t seen you in so long!! Please come to the party I’m throwing tomorrow so we can catch up and have some fun~!"

Your lips fall open in mild surprise as you instinctively sit up. A party? You text Jae back quickly, asking the reason for the party and where it will be held.

“At my house, of course! We’re all gathering to celebrate your engagement!”

Your engagement… so your parents really hadn’t wasted any time spreading the good news. You’d barely been living with Bada for a month, and they’d already informed your friends. You shake your head and sigh rather loudly. Bada would greatly disapprove of your parents' loose lips. She preferred her privacy, not only for protection but also because she liked people staying out of her business. That much you could tell from the little time you’d had to get to know her.

Shifting your focus back to Jae’s unanswered text, you contemplate attending the party or skipping out. Though they were technically throwing it in your honor, they should have let you know beforehand instead of asking you the night before the party. You felt well within your rights to refuse, but a nagging thought holds you back.

What would you do instead? Technically, you had no plans on Friday night—or Friday at all for that matter. Saturday neither… nor Sunday. Really, you never had plans anymore. Since staying with Bada, you mostly remained inside the Lee mansion, either lounging by the large infinity pool, taking a dip in your personal Jacuzzi, or perhaps enjoying a film in the theater room on the second floor.

Or, if you wanted to leave home, you would be escorted by your bodyguard to certain malls, grocery stores, or establishments. All of which were either managed by Bada or by one of her partners. She made it clear to you from the start that going places not protected by one of her subordinates would be dangerous.

"I have connections to half the establishments in Seoul," she had muttered to you. It's incredible that despite the implications of the words falling from her mouth, Bada had a way of saying things so humbly. She didn't sound like she was boasting—though you wouldn't fault her if she was. "I bet some of the markets you entered when you were a child were run by my family, and you'd never have known."

You’d try your best to conceal your amazement at her confession, but the glow in your eyes was as clear as day to Bada. “And what about the rest?”

She let out a quiet breath, saying, "The rest are mostly run by rival gangs. Almost no stores or establishments are free of mafia influence. Not anymore, at least." Seeing the way your eyes shifted from bright to slightly apprehensive, she pushed her chair back and rose, walking around her desk before leaning on it and clutching onto its edges. "There's no need to worry about them. As long as you stay in areas where my people are, you are safe." Her hand came down to rest politely on your thigh, patting it in a comforting manner.

Her words made your stomach flutter with butterflies, and a giddy smile instinctively formed on your lips. For someone who claimed to want to avoid fostering romantic affection between you both, Bada seemed to be doing the exact opposite.

Before you could lose yourself in the tenderness of the memory, you climb out of bed, having made your decision. Because you barely left home as it is, what harm is there in going to a party? A party organized in your honor, no less. It’s a rare occasion, and truthfully, you miss Jae and the rest of your girlfriends. You haven’t seen them in over a month and texted them sparingly during that time. To be fair, it was mostly your fault—you were much too focused on getting to know Bada and adjusting to your new way of life to strike up conversations with them.

You nod your head firmly as if the action will help build your confidence before you grab onto the handle of your bedroom door and slowly open it. Standing to your right, the figure of your bodyguard, Hyo Kim, immediately greets you on the other side. She turns to face you, her black-tinted sunglasses obstructing your view of her eagle eyes.

“What are you doing up so late?” She says lightheartedly.

“Do you know if Bada is still awake?” You ask. “I wanted to ask her something.”

Hyo lifts her arm up, pushing aside the fabric of her suit to reveal a golden watch. She gazes down at it, pretending to think long and hard. “The Boss should be awake for about…” she trails off playfully, “another four hours.”

You chuckle under your breath, “I didn’t even need to ask, did I?”

“Not at all.” Hyo shakes her head while smirking.

“Alright then,” you clasp your hands together tightly, “I’m going to go see Bada.”

Hyo gestures ahead of you with her hand. “I’ll follow your lead.”

You nod quickly before advancing forward, her trailing close behind. You can’t lie; it was strange to have someone following after you almost every second of the day in the beginning. You remember that at the beginning of your stay at Lee mansion, you kept forgetting that Hyo was following you—she has the tendency to be extremely quiet when focused—and were jump-scared by her multiple times. You’d round corners and suddenly hear one of her heavier footsteps behind you, making you jump and your heart practically leap out of your chest.

At some point, you swear she started doing it on purpose, enjoying the look of fear you gave her when you jumped. Eventually, though, you started to grow used to her constantly lingering presence and even grew comfortable around her. Somewhere along the way, you’d both gotten to know each other more, and a slow but harmonious friendship grew.

“So, what are you going to ask the Boss about?” Hyo’s low and blithe voice cuts through the silence.

“Oh,” you begin, “my friend asked me to meet her and some of my other friends tomorrow night.”

“Really?” Hyo comments, her voice dripping with an emotion you can’t quite decipher.

“Yes,” you affirm. “I wanted to ask Bada if it’s okay for me to visit her.”

Hyo hums under her breath in acknowledgment. “She’ll appreciate that.”

“I hope so.” You smile lightly to yourself. “I just thought that since you follow me wherever I go, she’d find out either way, and I might as well get her thoughts on it.”

“Not to crush your hopes and dreams, kid, but I doubt she’ll say yes.” Hyo remarks.

“Really?” You pause and turn around to face her, a frown forming on your lips.

“The Boss values your safety more than anything else,” Hyo shrugs. “Meeting people she isn’t familiar with puts you at risk.”

“But they’re my friends.” You push back lightly.

“I get that, but like I said, the Boss only cares about keeping you safe.” Hyo raises her hands up in defeat.

You deflate at her words, acknowledging that she’s most likely right. After all the events that’d taken place in the span of a single month, you honestly wouldn’t hold it against Bada to be cautious of where you go. But at the same time, you can’t help but feel mild resentment at the fact that you aren’t even allowed to see your friends.

“Hey,” Hyo frowns at you like a scolding sister. “Don’t be discouraged. You haven’t even asked her yet. You never know; she just might say yes.”

You pick your head up at her words, slowly but surely nodding back. “Yeah, you’re right.” And with that, you continue walking down the corridor to Bada’s office until you reach the dark mahogany wood of her door. Lightly rapping on it, there’s a period of silence before you hear the low tenor of her voice speak up.

“Lusher, if you’re coming to ask me if I’ve finished the paperwork for POSCO’s deal, for the millionth time the answer is no, I haven’t.” Bada’s disgruntled voice makes you laugh to yourself, and you immediately bring your hand up to cover your mouth as you grin widely.

“Is now a bad time to see you, then?” You answer back cheekily.

You receive no response for a solid minute before the sound of papers rustling loudly and approaching footsteps reaches your ears. The door to Bada’s office opens, and there she stands in all her glory, looking rather flustered. “Sorry. I thought you were Lusher.”

You smile at Bada while shaking your head. “It’s alright. Can I come in?”

“Of course.” She steps aside, making room for you to walk into her office while she holds the door open for you. You say a quick thank you as pass through the threshold, missing how Bada lets the door swing closed behind her and shuts out Hyo. “So, is there a reason why you’re visiting me? It’s very late into the night; I expected you to be asleep already.”

“Well, I was about to go to sleep, but I got a text from Jae—” you pause upon seeing her frown. “my best friend.”

Bada nods in acknowledgment, moving toward a chair and pushing it back, gesturing for you to sit down. You do so, trying to ignore the nervous tension building in the pit of your stomach.

“Yeah, she invited—” you pause, choosing your next words carefully. Phrasing Jae’s invitation as a party would most likely mean Bada wouldn't let you go. So, if you just tweaked your wording a bit to make the party seem less extreme… it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, right? “she invited me to a get-together between friends.”

“A get-together?” Bada questions, folding her hands across her lap as she leans on the edge of her office table. “For what purpose?”

“Just to catch up and… celebrate our engagement.” You gesture between you both, immediately noticing how Bada’s expression shifts, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“They know of our engagement?” She asks.

“Yes,” you sigh. “I guess my parents couldn’t keep their excitement in check.”

“Your parents.” Bada shakes her head, pinching her nose-bridge tiredly. “I’ll have to have a word with them about that.”

“Please do.” You nod rapidly. “But aside from that, what I wanted to ask you was if I could be escorted to the get-together tomorrow night?”

Bada moves her gaze from the floor to your eyes, removes her hand from her face, and gives you a hesitant expression. “I don’t know… after all the incidents recently…” she trails off, a faraway look finding her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to feel like you’re a prisoner in your own home, or that you can’t see your friends, I just want you to be safe.”

“I get that, I really do, Bada, but this is just a small get-together.” You lie between your teeth.

Bada stays quiet, looking to be considering your words. “And you trust your friends, right?”

“I do.”

Bada lets out a light breath, while a small smile finds her lips. “All right then, you can go.”

“Really?” You give her a shocked look before you snap out of it and practically squeal, jumping up from your chair and instinctively wrapping your arms around Bada’s shoulders in a hug. “Thank you so much!”

Bada freezes in her spot, surprised by your affection. Slowly, a warm, sappy feeling builds at the bottom of her stomach, and her hands, which had been propped up in the air stiffly, gently come down to rest against your back, patting it tenderly. “You’re welcome.” She tries not to think about how lovely you feel against her or the allure of your natural scent.

You spend all Friday preparing for the party, choosing your makeup beforehand, your jewelry, shoes, and of course, your dress—a beautiful wine-red ensemble that you’d picked up on your shopping trip with Bada. She’d chosen it for you—claiming, “This dress would look beautiful on you.” The meaning behind her words, that it wasn’t the dress that was beautiful, but instead your figure that would make it look divine, had struck you in that moment.

If Bada wanted you to wear the dress, you’d buy it in a heartbeat.

For the little hours left you have in the day, you try not to get too giddy thinking of the party or how magnificent you’ll look in the dress, instead trying to busy yourself by catching up on one of your favorite TV shows. But when the milky raven sky begins to take over the horizon, you jump off of the couch, rushing to your room, leaving Hyo to scramble after you.

In your bedroom, you sit down at your antique-styled vanity, your makeup laid out in front of you. You begin prepping your skin before beginning your usual routine. It takes you a slightly longer time for you to finish because you’re being incredibly meticulous, but by the end of it, you look amazing. Before you can get distracted, you quickly dress yourself.

As your fingers curl around the clasp of your teardrop diamond earrings and secure them in place, you take a step back to gaze at yourself in your floor-length mirror.

The win-red dress hugs your body, accentuating every favorable feature of it. A similar dark rouge to your dress is blended across your eyelids in a smoky eye, making the color of your eyes pop in contrast. Your lips, fixed into a slight pout, are glossy and soft, tinted with a color of your choice. Taking your look all together, all you can say is that Bada was right—the dress does look beautiful on you.

A knock on your bedroom door startles you, your hand instinctively flying to your chest. "Hello?" You respond, a bit on edge.

"It's me. Can I come in?" Bada's voice, muffled behind the door, reaches you.

"Yes," you reply, hastily adjusting your dress and double-checking your appearance.

Bada enters just as your hands fall to your sides, her gaze immediately scanning your figure. She appraises you, from collarbones to legs, before fixing her eyes on your chest for a lingering moment.

Suppressing a nervous giggle, you greet her, "Hi, Bada."

Her eyes quickly snap up to meet yours, a sheepish cough escaping her mouth. "Hello."

Standing awkwardly by the door, Bada stares at you for a solid minute before you give a lighthearted smile. "Is there something you needed?"

"Uhh, no. Well, actually..." Bada stumbles over her words, closing her eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry, yes. I wanted to see you before you left."

You release a small breath of understanding before a cheeky thought crosses your mind. Walking closer to Bada, you do a little twirl when you reach her. "So, what do you think?"

Bada exhales while chuckling, her nervousness leaving her. "I think you are the most beautiful woman I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes upon."

Out of shock, you remain still, surprised by how unabashedly Bada expressed her thoughts. You expected a simple compliment, but she exceeded your expectations. "Really?" You ask quietly, sensing a shift in the room's atmosphere. An air of intimacy and something more sensual makes your skin prickle and breath hitch.

"Of course. There's no one I could think of that could make that dress look so stunning." Bada looks back at you with a serious and genuine expression.

"Bada..." you trail off, immediately thinking of countless other women who could wear the dress better. Supermodels, actresses—

"I think there's just one simple thing that would finish off the look." Bada's voice brings you back, and you give her a questioning stare. She smiles, her hand digging into her pocket before presenting you a sleek black box. Your confusion deepens as she opens it, revealing the most elegant necklace you've ever seen. Matching teardrop diamonds, akin to those on your earrings circle the chain, glittering against the low bedroom light. At the center, a silver locket shaped like a dainty heart ties it all together.

You stare at the necklace in awe, alternating between Bada's eyes and the exquisite piece of jewelry. "Bada, it's beautiful."

She watches you marvel at it, sparkles dancing in your eyes. Giving you a fond look, she nudges the box closer. "Take it."

Hesitating for a brief second, you gently retrieve the necklace. "Wow," you breathe out, fully admiring its beauty now that it’s free from the box.

"You should put it on," Bada encourages you softly.

“Oh, I shouldn’t—” you protest.

“I insist,” she cuts you off, tucking the box back into her pocket. She steps forward, taking the necklace from your hands and moving behind you. “Here, let me.” She places it across your collarbones and brings the clasp together, her long fingers brushing across your skin. 

Her touch ignites a spark, but as quickly as it appeared, her fingers are gone. She steps back, placing her hands on your waist to move you back so that you’re facing your mirror again. But this time, Bada's at your side, admiring how exquisite you look.

 “Absolutely perfect,” she whispers into your ear.

The warmth from her touch lingers as you stare at Bada through the mirror. “Thank you.” You bask in the comfortable silence in the room for a moment before speaking up again. “Can I ask, did you buy this?”

Bada places her hands atop your shoulders, a soft, wistful look finding her irises. “It was my mother’s.”

Immediately, you whip around to face her, your mouth wide open in mortification, and your eyes the size of saucers. “Bada, why didn’t you tell me?” Your hands frantically try to find the clasp of the necklace, wanting to take it off. “Here—”

“No.” Bada’s hands find yours, holding them and stopping you from removing the jewelry. “Don’t take it off.”

“But Bada, this was your mom’s—”

“And I want you to have it,” Bada states firmly.

“I can’t—”

“Are you rejecting my gift?” Although her words sound accusatory, when you look into her eyes, there’s a glint of amusement in them.

You let out a huff of defeat. “Fine.”

Bada smirks proudly, removing her hands from yours. “Good.”

After bidding farewell to Bada, Hyo swiftly whisks you away to a black Jeep, one that, according to her, is "much more secure than a sports car." Seated in the front, she drives and engages in casual conversation while you relax in the back. You take the opportunity to share stories about each of your best friends—Jae, the liveliest, Da-Eun, the second oldest, Min-Ji, the oldest, and Ryung, the youngest and most timid. Hyo listens attentively, interjecting with comments or laughter at your anecdotes.

“You all seem to be very close,” she remarks, steering the wheel to the left.

“Yeah, we are. We’ve known each other since childhood, and our parents are all friends,” you reply.

“Those types of friends… you should hold onto them,” Hyo advises. “In this line of business, it’s hard to find someone you can trust as much as you four trust each other.”

You gaze at your bodygaurd through the rear-view mirror, sensing the weight behind her words. "Hyo?" You inquire.

"Yeah?"

"Does Bada find it hard to trust other people?"

Her lips tighten, an audible exhale leaving her nose. "She hasn't fully placed her trust in anyone since the day Mrs. Lee died."

A somber atmosphere envelops the car, akin to a bucket of ice-cold water. You shift in your seat uncomfortably, your heart aching at the thought of the pain Bada must have endured when her mother was killed. "Bada was still young when she passed, wasn’t she?"

"Fifteen," Hyo nods. "Barely beginning her climb towards adulthood."

A stark silence follows after, and the rest of the car ride is silent, filled only with the quiet hum of the Jeep’s engine and the sounds of passersby. It's not uncomfortable, but rather solemn, as if you and Hyo are silently mourning Mrs. Lee's memory.

Fifteen minutes later, Hyo's driving slows as she turns into a large house—though noticeably smaller than your shared one with Bada, of course. The GPS on the tablet beeps, signaling your arrival at the destination. "We’re here," her voice rings through the background noise.

You turn away from the window you’d been gazing out of, a smile forming on your lips at the sight of Jae’s house. Out of your group, Jae always had the most luxurious home, because though all of you came from affluent families, Jae's parents were the wealthiest. Well, it seemed like now the dynamic had changed. Once you and Bada are officially wed, your combined wealth will likely rival all of theirs combined.

"How long do you think you’ll be staying?" Hyo asks.

"I'd like to say it won't take that long, but knowing my friends, I might be here all night," you admit.

"Alright." Hyo parks the Jeep in the driveway, exits, then moves to open your door. You offer a quiet thank you as she helps you step out, mindful of the relatively short length of your dress.

Leading the way to Jae's house, you pause before knocking. Judging by the time, it seems you arrived slightly early, which in party terms means very early. Fortunately, that likely means no other partygoers are here yet, as evidenced by the absence of parked cars in the driveway.

"Actually, Hyo?" you turn back to face her, a sheepish look on your face. "Could you maybe… wait outside?"

Your bodyguard raises her eyebrows, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on you."

"I know that, but I think the girls will be thrown off by the fact that you’ll just be standing there… watching us the entire night." Though your reasoning is somewhat woven with lies, it's also partly true.

Hyo remains silent, giving you an unimpressed look. "I have a job to do."

"Technically, you can do it from out here," you weakly argue. "Please, I want to feel like a normal person again. Like my life isn’t constantly at risk, and I always need to be monitored."

Although you can’t see the look Hyo’s giving you behind her sunglasses, you notice her posture deflating, and her shoulders falling. She releases a defeatist breath, "Fine, I’ll keep an eye out from here."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" You express with a grateful smile.

"Yeah, yeah, never say I haven’t done anything for you," Hyo grumbles. "Oh, and don’t forget I have your location on my phone, so don’t even think about sneaking out because I’ll know."

"I wouldn’t dare," you joke.

"Right…" your bodyguard trails off. "I’ll be waiting in the car. If you need anything, just call or text me, and I’ll be out in an instant."

"Yup, thanks!" You give Hyo a thumbs up, and with that, she retreats back to the Jeep. You watch her go, a sudden wave of guilt crashing over you.

She'd probably be much more comfortable in Jae’s house, sitting down or enjoying the air conditioning, rather than waiting for countless hours in the Jeep while you gossip and talk to your friends. But you're in too deep now. You can’t tell her the truth or let her in, or she’ll whisk you away back to the mansion, and all your white lies will have been for naught.

Biting your lip, you cast one last look at Hyo before knocking on the front door. Silence greets you for a few minutes before you hear shuffling approach the door, and it opens. Jae’s face greets you on the other side, her eyes immediately sparkling at the sight of you.

"Oh my god!" She squeals, bringing you into a hug and squeezing you tight. "I’m so glad you’re here!" She rocks back and forth in the hug, making you laugh giddily. "I missed you so much!" When she pulls back, she’s wearing a pout across her red-tinted lips. "Don’t ghost me for a month again, okay? Or I’ll steal you away from your wife!"

"I missed you too," you say fondly. "But we’re not married yet—"

"Oh, come on, you’re engaged to Bada Lee! You’re married in every sense except legally." Jae rolls her eyes playfully, though they stray a bit before landing on something—or rather, someone—behind you. "Who’s that?" She points at the Jeep, where Hyo is sitting in the front seat, trying not to look like she's watching you.

"That’s Hyo Kim, my bodyguard."

"Your bodyguard?" Jae awes before pouting. "Why am I even surprised? Of course, Bada Lee would have her fiancée under lock and key." Jae grabs your hand, giving it a light squeeze before her expression shifts, a sly smile curving her lips. "So tell me, have you two done it yet? Is she dominant? Is she more of a boobs girl or an ass girl—"

"Jae!" You shout, eyes wide and voice full of mortification. "Are you serious right now?"

"Come on, tell me! I want to know all the stuff you haven’t told me over the past month. You owe it to me!" She whines.

You let out a long sigh. You suppose this is your karma for unintentionally ignoring your best friend for so long. "At least invite me in first, Jae. Don’t you have any manners?" You lightly scold her.

"Oh, right." She looks behind her, realizing that while she’s inside her home, you’re still outside the threshold, waiting for her to invite you in. She looks like she’s about to take a step back so you can enter before she pauses, a thoughtful expression crossing her features. "Wait, does she use toys—"

"Alright, that’s enough!" You push Jae further into her house and step inside, swinging the door shut rather loudly behind you.

Once inside, you scold her for a solid five minutes straight about manners before the two of you properly greet each other and begin a normal, casual conversation—thankfully with no mention of your and Bada’s sexual activity, or lack thereof. Instead, you're practically interrogated by Jae about every aspect of your life with Bada while you help her finish setting up for the party.

You stack up red solo cups, place beers into multiple coolers, and set out chasers. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much for the two of you to finish, and once you do, you simply lounge around a bit. Jae takes the break as an opportunity to compliment how amazing you look in your dress.

"Is that Chanel?" She asks, motioning for you to do a spin.

"Yes." You nod, doing as she wishes. "Bada picked it out for me."

"I bet she’s regretting her decision right now." Your friend giggles. "No one’s going to be able to resist you tonight!"

"Jae, stop exaggerating." You laugh.

Your lighthearted conversation continues until slowly but surely, party guests begin to arrive. They come in small waves, all dressed much more elegantly than the average partygoer. You assume they must be some of Jae’s rich friends that you’ve heard about only in passing because you don’t recognize some of them. The thought sends a small prickle of worry to the back of your mind, but you choose to ignore it for now. Instead, you greet each guest kindly, albeit rather awkwardly.

As the dark sky deepens in color, the living room starts to get more and more crowded, the rest of your friends arriving along with other guests. Min-Ji gets there first, wearing a classy black cocktail dress. She greets you with the same enthusiasm as Jae, but her demeanor is slightly more controlled, her older age shining through.

Next, Da-Eun arrives, dressed in green, and lastly, Ryung. By the time she settles in, the party is in full swing, music leaking out of speakers, and beers being passed around. You’re fully immersed in the atmosphere, happy to be surrounded by your girls and other somewhat familiar faces. You can’t lie, partying with your friends really puts into perspective the loneliness you hid behind your home’s mansion walls.

But in contrast to your free spirit, Hyo is struggling. Multiple cars have begun to pull into the driveway, groups of people entering the house and giving her a peek inside. The home has many more people than it should for a "small gathering." 

Her first instinct was to exit the Jeep and head toward the door to end your night prematurely, as well as tell you off for not only lying to her but also to Bada. However, through one of the windows, your silhouette peaks through, the light in the living room shining against your features and displaying your expression of pure joy as you dance with your friends and sip beer.

She stops mid-stride, conflict brewing in the confines of her mind. Deep down, she knows you deserve to enjoy yourself. Being stuck in a mansion—while large and full of entertainment—is nothing compared to the comfort of being with friends, partying, and drinking. “Fuck.” Hyo mutters under her breath, passing a hand through her hair in frustration. She takes another look at your smiling figure through the window, then turns back. “The Boss is going to kill me if she finds out about this.”

She stays back in the Jeep for another hour or so, listening to the music coming from inside the house and the loud chatter, keeping an eye out while checking her phone every other minute. Your location never moves, thankfully. It seems that you have the foresight not to take it as far as sneaking away from her for some fun.

But, of course, there’s no need for you to do so because the party is practically buzzing with energy. Couples and friends dance together, grinding and touching each other playfully, while some are playing cup pong or various other party games in corners of the room. You, on the other hand, have moved away from dancing, instead cooling off with another beer as your friends chatter amongst each other.

“You’ll never guess what happens next!” Jae grabs onto Min-Ji, tugging on her hands with poorly concealed excitement.

“What?” Min-Ji indulges her younger friend.

“Bada stops him right before he leaves the store just by saying, ‘And where do you think you're going?’” Jae lowers her voice and puts on a serious expression when imitating your fiancée.

“Really?” Min-Ji's eyes find your figure, a small smile curving her lips upward.

You smile back at her shyly, nodding.

“And then, she makes the asshole pick up her clothes from the ground!” Jae divulges.

“Does he do it?” Da-Eun cuts in, smirking widely.

“Of course he does! Like a little worm, he picks up all the clothes and gives them to her.” Jae points at you, letting go of Min-Ji’s hands.

“Bada must have a very strong presence,” Ryung comments quietly.

“More like everyone in the store was on Bada’s payroll,” Jae snorts. “Right Unnie, didn’t you say Bada has ties to half the population of Seoul?”

“Yes,” you confirm. “I think everyone in that store had guns on them.”

“How do you know?” Min-Ji asks.

“Well, they were all putting their hands in their pockets like they were going to pull out a firearm,” you reminisce. “And they were all staring between the man and Bada like they were waiting for her word to dispose of him.”

“It’s so crazy hearing about it.” Jae whines. “I wish I was there!”

“Don’t say that.” Min-Ji scolds her. “It must have been scary at the time, wasn’t it?” She looks back at you, posing the question.

“I wasn’t really scared for myself.” You shake your head. “I was more scared for the man. You should have seen the way Bada was looking at him.”

“I can imagine it now.” Jae tries to imitate a hardened and scary glare but ends up failing.

“You just look like you’re constipated.” Da-Eun laughs loudly, pointing at a now offended Jae. The younger girl hits Da-Eun, whining about how she was really trying to look serious.

You join in laughing with Da-Eun and Min-Ji at Jae, when you suddenly feel a tug on your right hand. Your laughter dies down as you turn to face Ryung, who’s looking between you and another corner of the room. You give her a confused look, trying to find what she’s gazing at. “Ryung? Is something wrong?”

“A woman's been staring at you since she got here.” Ryung whispers, casting her eyes to the other corner of the room.

You follow her line of sight to an unfamiliar, relatively attractive woman dressed in a loose white dress shirt and slacks. She has fiery red hair and a boyish look. She’s already watching you, her eyes unabashedly trailing up and down your figure, completely unbothered by the fact that you caught her staring. In fact, she smirks back at you.

You turn away from her quickly, a prickle of anxiety running up your spine. Though most would be excited at being ogled by an attractive woman, there’s something about her gaze that unnerves you. It's like she knows something you don’t.

“Do you know her?” Ryung asks, a worried look crossing her features.

“No.” You shake your head, a trembling breath leaving your lips. “I’ve never seen her before in my life.”

Da-Eun, Min-Ji, and Jae stop laughing at the sound of your nervous voice, turning to face you with questioning looks.

“What’s going on?” Min-Ji asks, noticing your rigid posture and Ryung’s grim expression.

Jae mutters your name, her voice becoming uncharacteristically quiet.

“There’s this woman that’s been staring at Unnie the entire night.” Ryung secretly motions towards you, then looks back at the woman with red hair. All of your friends' eyes follow, seeing how the woman gazes at you darkly; even with all their eyes on her, she doesn’t cower. Instead, she continues to watch you.

“Alright.” Da-Eun rubs her hands together, her expression dripping with anger. “Let me go have a word with her—”

“Not so fast.” Min-Ji grabs onto Da-Eun’s arm, pulling her back and keeping her from advancing toward the woman. “Jae, do you know her?”

Jae bites her lip, shaking her head. “I don’t remember inviting anyone that looks like that.”

“Then let me—” Da-Eun tries to wiggle out of Min-Ji’s hold but is unsuccessful.

“Don’t be so rash.” Min-Ji asserts. “Let’s just ignore her. If she decides to bother you directly, we’ll be here, okay?” She looks back at you with a caring expression, placing her hand on your shoulder.

“Okay.” You agree shakily, turning your back toward the woman’s direction.

For the rest of the night, you constantly feel her eyes on you. Though you try to act normal, a spike of fear runs up your body when you see someone approach you or accidentally brush up against you while you dance with your friends. You consider asking Hyo to come get you, but you don’t want to sour the mood of your friends. So you deal with her predatory gaze, and do your best to ignore her overwhelming presence.

Hyo’s eyes scan the neighborhood leisurely when a notification banner pops up at the top of her screen. Her eyes snap toward it, finding a text message from none other than her boss light up the screen. She takes in a deep breath as she presses it, her screen being moved to the message app.

Bada’s text reads, “How’s it going?”

Hyo lets out a sigh of relief, quickly texting back, “Good, she’s having fun.” She watches Bada’s text bubble show up soon after indicating she was writing, but it disappears a few seconds later. Hyo takes the opportunity to add, “Her friends are very lively.”

Bada’s text bubble appears again, but this time she sends a message saying, “Focus on doing your job.” Hyo huffs under her breath, exiting out of the messaging app and switching back to managing your location.

Her brief distraction keeps her from noticing a new group of men heading toward the house. Most slip in, it’s only until the last is about to cross inside that Hyo looks up, her eyes catching a baggy of white powder one of the men is carrying.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” She hisses. Immediately she exits the car, dialing Bada’s personal phone as she races up the driveway and slips into the house behind the man.

Inside, you’re slowly becoming more and more unnerved by the red-haired woman. Your friends try to take you around the living room, using the other partygoer’s bodies as a shield between you two, but she doesn’t allow them to. She moves through the crowd until she has a clear view of you again, then just stands there, her gaze unwavering.

“She really doesn’t give up, huh?” Min-Ji curses under her breath.

“What a creep,” Da-Eun adds.

“Are you okay?” Ryung asks you.

“I don’t know.” You admit, rubbing your arm uncomfortably.

“Hold on,” Jae cuts in. “I think she’s coming this way.”

Four pairs of eyes snap in the direction Jae is looking, finding the woman weaving through the crowd of partygoers in an attempt to reach you.

This time your entire body goes rigid, intense fear running through your veins as your friends rally around you, muttering comforting words. Their voices and the loud bass of the music in the background fade away, all you’re able to focus on is the woman with red hair only a few feet away from you now.

She’s just about to reach you when a firm grip grabs onto your arm, pulling you away from your friends. You jump at the person’s touch, instinctively trying to recoil away before you turn to see a familiar face.

“Hyo.” You breathe out in relief. 

“We’re leaving right now.” She says firmly, pulling you through the crowd of people. 

“Hey!” Da-Eun surges forward at the sight of Hyo taking you away. “Who are you–?”

“No, it’s okay, that’s her bodyguard,” Jae informs your friends.

Your friends share resounding noises of astoundment before Hyo starts to firmly push you toward the exit. You say a hurried goodbye to them, catching out of the corner of your eye the red-haired woman. She’s now wearing a frown as she quickly retreats into the crowd of dancing bodies, hiding away from your gaze, as well as Hyo’s.

The entirety of the drive back home is dead silent, but this time it’s not comfortable. Hyo’s lips are set into thin and firm lines, her expression unchanging as she switches lanes and drives through the jet-black night. You try to will your voice to work and make idle conversation, but the words get stuck in your throat, a deep feeling of regret pooling at the depths of your stomach.

The car ride back unfortunately felt much shorter than the ride to Jae’s house had. One minute you're just barely pulling out of her driveway, and the next you're passing the gates into your mansion's driveway.

Hyo parks the car, exiting quickly and opening the door for you like she always does. You still say thank you, but this time she doesn’t acknowledge it, she simply lets you take the lead as you begin the walk of shame into your home.

Walking through the front door, the first floor is eerily quiet, missing the sounds of Bebe walking around or talking amongst themselves. You hesitate before walking up the right spiral staircase to the second floor, then move to your right toward the direction of your bedroom.

“We’re going this way.” Hyo breaks her silence, motioning with her thumb behind her, toward the corridor that leads to Bada’s office. You gulp but say nothing in response, instead choosing to listen to her and head toward your fiancée. 

The sound of both your and Hyo’s footsteps echoing against the cold marble floor causes even more unease in your mind, the feeling all but tripling when you see a dark mahogany door come into view. You stop right in front of it, your legs starting to feel weak and your hands sweating. You try to build up your courage to knock on the door, but Hyo’s already a step ahead of you.

She doesn’t bother to knock, she simply grabs ahold of the door handle and pushes it open. She gestures for you to head inside which you do timidly, the door closing right behind you.

Inside the office, your eyes immediately find Bada’s figure. She’s sitting in her chair like she always is, looking incredibly tired. And instead of wearing a soft expression at the sight of you, her face is blank, not a single wisp of emotion to be seen. 

“Sit down.” Her voice cuts through the tension in the air.

You do as she says, noting that she doesn’t get up to pull your chair back for you like she normally does. “Bada,” you begin, voice quiet and full of remorse.

“I heard you had fun tonight.” She cuts you off, her tone harsh. “A party, was it?”

You close your eyes in embarrassment. “I’m sorry–”

“Are you?” She interrupts you again. “Truthfully, are you?”

“Yes.” You say frantically, trying to convince her. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

“You had multiple opportunities to tell me the truth.” Bada asserts, her hands coming in front of her to clasp together tightly. “The night before when I asked you about your so-called ‘get-together.’" She lists, "You could have told me anytime today, or Hyo when she was driving you. Instead, you unabashedly lied to my face and deceived me.”

You swear the wind is knocked out of your chest at her words. Her dark brown, almost grey eyes are cutting into yours, wounding your heart as you will something, anything out of your mute vocal cords. “Please believe me.”

“I can’t.” Bada shakes her head. “All I asked of you was three things.” Much like she had when you first arrived at the Lee mansion, she holds up three corresponding fingers. “Tell me the truth, remain loyal, and never put yourself in unnecessary danger.” She places all three fingers down. “Somehow you managed to disobey all of them in the span of a single night.”

Tears prick at the corner of your eyes, and heaving breaths start to build in your windpipe. You can deal with Bada being upset with you, but there’s something about her calm disappointment that hurts you more than you could have ever imagined.

“What would have happened if someone at that party brought a gun, hm? What if they knew who you are to me? What if they wanted to hurt me by hurting you?” Her voice slowly rises in volume but never reaches a full yell. “More than anything, you put yourself in danger. All for the sake of a good time.”

You hang your head in shame, acknowledging that she’s right.

“I can’t trust you anymore.” She states plainly.

Your head snaps up from its hunched position, your eyes widening at the implication of her words. “What? Bada, what does that mean?”

Your fiancée remains quiet for a moment, her blank look doing nothing to soothe your heightening fear. Then, she speaks up. “It’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Go to sleep?” You cry. “Bada–”

“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” She tears her eyes away from yours, staring to her right. “I can’t look at you right now.”

Her words are the final blow to your breaking heart. You stand up from your chair loudly, attempting to hide your devastated expression as tears fall from your eyes in steady streams. You race over to the door, pull it open, and run out of the office, accidentally bumping into Hyo on your way out. You don’t say anything to her, simply wanting to get as far away as possible.

Lusher, who’d been rounding the corner about to head into Bada’s office catches sight of your teary eyes and sighs. She makes eye contact with Hyo, sharing a knowing look with her before entering the office.

“I’m not in the mood, Lusher,” Bada mutters, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

“Don’t you think you were a little too hard on her?” Lusher contends.

“She put her life at risk,” Bada states firmly.

“She went to a party, so what? She’s at the age where she’s supposed to be having fun with her friends, clubbing and drinking.”

“She lied to me,” Bada argues.

“Listen, I know that–” before Lusher can finish her sentence, the door to Bada’s office opens again, this time much more violently. Hyo stands in the doorway, a worried look encompassing her features.

“What now?” Bada snaps at her.

“Boss,” Hyo huffs. “the keys to the Jeep are gone.”

“What?” Bada stands up with urgency, her blank expression morphing into nothing but unrivaled anger. “Where did you put them?”

“I had them in my pocket–” Hyo freezes, a look of realization glinting in her eyes before she stops and runs a hand down her face in frustration. “Your fiancée pickpocketed me.”

“She pickpocketed you?” Lusher says incredulously. “So she just left? But it’s dangerous to be out this late, and in that dress–”

“Lusher, gather all of Bebe.” Bada interrupts her, voice loud and commanding. “You,” she points at Hyo. “find her. Now.”

“Yes, boss.” Lusher and Hyo say in unison, scrambling to do what their superior asked of them. 

Meanwhile, Bada remains standing behind her desk, a mix of fear and unadulterated anger building in her. She feels immediate regret for the way she’d treated and spoken to you. She never should have let you leave in such a vulnerable, and most likely intoxicated state.

She could never forgive herself if something happened to you because of your argument. She slams her hands down on her desk, almost breaking it with the amount of force she uses.

Bada storms out of her office, heading down the corridor toward her bedroom, pushing the door open before heading toward her bedside table. She opens the first drawer, revealing a black pistol. She grabs it, about to exit her bedroom when her eyes catch the portrait of her mother hanging just above her bedside table. She takes a moment to face it, her face morphing into a grim expression. 

“I won’t fail you, mother.”

Lusher, Tatter, Kyma, Minah, Chehe, and Soweon, otherwise known as Bebe are all gathered in the armory room, guns in their hands. Lusher dons a sniper, Tatter a pump shotgun, Kyma a handgun, Minah a rifle, Cheche a break action, and Soweon a pistol.

“She managed to pickpocket Hyo?” Soweon exclaims, loading her pistol with bullets. “How is that possible?”

“She must not be as innocent as we thought.” Cheche comments. “Out of all of us, Hyo is the most alert and aware of her surroundings. She has some skill.”

“Enough talking.” Lusher cuts in, clicking a magazine into her sniper. “We’re wasting time. Boss wants us to find her as soon as possible.”

Bebe falls into line, following their second-in-command to the first level of the Lee mansion where Hyo is, tapping her foot against the marbled floor impatiently.

“Do you know where she is?” Bada’s booming voice causes all her subordinates to freeze. It’s brimming with urgency, and full of poison.

Hyo looks up at where her boss is standing at the top of the spiral staircase, her aura demonstrating absolute authority. “I think she’s lost her phone.”

“What do you mean?” Tatter speaks up.

“The location stopped moving right in front of her friend, Jae’s house. But it’s not inside, it’s farther down the road.”

The room becomes astoundingly quiet, so silent you could most certainly hear a pin drop. Although no one has the heart to say it, they all know the truth. You’ve been taken.

But then, Bada’s heavy footsteps begin descending the stairs, her eyes alit with a fiery passion and her eyes fixed into a firm glare.

“We’re finding my fiancée.” She demands. “And if she’s not home by the end of the night, it’ll be your head on a pike.” She points at Hyo, her pistol held firmly in her other hand.

“Yes, Boss,” Hyo says fearlessly. Truthfully, she felt partially at fault for what had happened. If she had only brought you home the second she realized you were throwing a party, or if she paid more attention when you bumped into her, you would be here, safe. 

Before they can all head out, Bada’s phone buzzes in her pocket. She stops, pulling it out and observing the caller ID. Her eyes widen when she sees it, immediately pressing the answer button and holding the phone up to her ear. She mutters your name into the speaker, causing all of Bebe to freeze and look at her in shock.

“Where are you?” Bada says, voice soft and full of worry.

“Hello?” A voice that is most certainly not yours greets her ears.

Bada’s expression shifts immediately, her eyes narrowing to slits and her voice dropping. “Who the fuck is this?”

“Are you Bada Lee?” The voice says hurriedly.

“Yes. How did you get this phone? Where is my fiancée?” Bada demands.

“This is Jae, Unnie’s best friend.”

“Jae?” Bada says, her tone calming the slightest bit. “Where is she?”

“Bada, you need to come here quick.” She cries. “Unnie called me a few minutes ago saying she wanted to stay the night with me, but right when I saw her pulling into the driveway, another car parked beside her, and I think they took her!”

Bada’s hands form fists as she motions with her head for Bebe to go into the garage full of cars. They do so immediately, piling into a modified and armored SUV with a sunroof. Lusher sits behind the wheel while Hyo takes the passenger’s seat. The rest of the girls sit in the back, guns positioned in their laps, Minah poking out of the sunroof with her rifle propped up in front of her.

Bada follows after them, getting into her personal, fortified sports car as the door to the garage slowly begins to open. She puts Jae on speaker, “Did you see who took her?”

“It was dark, but I recognized one person,” Jae confirms. “It was this woman who was at the party I threw for Unnie. She was staring at her the entire night like a creep.”

“What does she look like?” Bada asks through her teeth.

“She’s wearing a white dress shirt, a pair of black pants… oh, and she has very vibrant, red hair!”

Bada pulls up next to Bebe’s car, her eyes meeting Lusher’s, a new type of rage building in her irises. “Seong.”

When you awake from your slumber there’s a pounding ache at the back of your head, and your eyes are blurry. You blink as you try to gather your bearings and sit up, but your arms are held behind your back by something. You start to panic, your head whipping around as you begin to remember what had happened just before you lost consciousness.

You’d been driving the Jeep toward Jae’s house whilst sobbing uncontrollably, realizing that your selfishness would most likely cost you your engagement to Bada.

When you were a few minutes away from Jae, you called her with trembling hands, breathing heavily into your phone.

Your friend muttered your name into the phone, sounding like she’d just woken up.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice shook with emotions. “Is it okay if I stay with you for the night?”

“Of course,” Jae answered immediately. “But what’s wrong? Have you been crying?”

“Bada and I got into a fight.” You admitted. “I think she’s going to call off the engagement.”

“What?” Jae’s incredulous voice rang out of the phone.

“I’ll tell you everything in a second, I’m right next to your house.” You made a left into Jae’s neighborhood, finding the lights in her house on. You parked a little further down the street, seeing stray liquor bottles and red solo cups littering her lawn, most likely thrown away by her drunk party guests. “Okay, I’m here.”

“Where?” Jae’s figure approached the window that oversaw her driveway, her eyes squinting as she tried to discern your body from the pitch-darkness of the night. “I don’t see you.”

You sniffled into the microphone, switching hands as you climbed out of the Jeep and waved your hands to get Jae’s attention. “To your right.”

Jae’s eyes shifted in your direction, and after searching for a few minutes her eyes shone with recognition. “Oh, I see you!” She waved back at you, the interaction distracting you to the point where you didn’t hear a car pull up next to you until people were clambering out of it, their heavy footfalls approaching you.

You jumped when you felt an arm grab you, gasping and struggling against their grip. “Let me go!”

Jae’s voice came out of your phone, saying your name, but before you could answer her or call out for help, something hard hit you in the back of your head and caused you to fall limp into your kidnapper's arms. But before you fully lost consciousness, you caught a brief glint of red hair from the corner of your eye. 

“No.” You whisper, reality finally settling in. “No, no, no.” You try to move your hands, but your eyes find them secured behind your back with handcuffs. You struggle against them, trying to wiggle your hands out but they’re closed tight against your flesh, making the steel rub your skin raw. You hiss in pain but continue trying until your wrists are red. You try to move toward the wall behind you, leaning on it to help you stand up.

Once on your feet, you stomp on the floor, trying to break the heel of your platform heels. You repeat your action a few times on each foot until part of the heel breaks off, leaving you with shoes that are easier to run in. You huff out in exhaustion, but you’re not done yet. Using the wall once again, you attempt to get your arms in front of you by jumping and pulling your arms under you. Thankfully, you’re successful, and let out a breathy laugh of victory. 

 You slide down the wall, taking a small break when you suddenly hear footsteps coming close to the room you’re trapped in. Your eyes widen in fear as you try to back away further from the door.

“Look who’s awake.” The woman with red hair enters the room, her voice coming out in a sing-song.

“Who are you?” You rasp, sitting up tall. Although you’re terrified out of your mind, you know better than to show it. 

“The name’s Seong, sweetheart.” She smirks, one of her lackeys trailing after her. “And you have something I want.” You stare back at her as she gets closer to you, bending down so you’re at eye level. “Not going to ask me what it is?”

You say nothing, instead just keep eye contact with her, never once wavering under her unnerving gaze.

“Ah, we have a strong one here.” Seong laughs heartily. “I can see why Bada keeps you around.”

Mentally, you curse at yourself. Of course you’d been kidnapped as some sort of leverage piece between this woman and Bada. She’s most likely one of the rival gangs that’d been waiting for the chance to pounce at an opening to get through to Bada. And you’d stupidly given her the perfect opportunity.

“Well…” Seong’s voice drops, chills running down your spine as her eyes lower to your figure. “I’m guessing she doesn’t just appreciate your banter, huh?” She reaches out to touch you, her cold hands dragging across your collarbones. “So pretty…”

“Don’t touch me.” You spit, tone dripping with disgust as you recoil away from her.

“So lively too.” Seong chuckles.

“Bada’s going to come get me.” You cut in, glaring at the woman with fiery hair.

“Oh yes, I’m counting on that.” Seong smiles. “You know, she owes me a lot of money.” She stands up and begins to pace around the room. “My father and her father used to work together back in the day. But once Lee died and your little wife took over his business, she cut ties with him. Apparently, selling drugs is too ‘corrupt’ for her.” She scoffs loudly, the sound full of resentment and anger. “My father lost all his connections. He had to start selling to junkies on the streets, and now he’s running out of money.”

She stops in front of you again, a twisted smile stretching across her face.

“Bring him in,” Seong says to the lackey behind her. He follows her orders, trailing out of the room before he returns minutes later, a man shuffling behind him. When the man steps into the low light of the room, you audibly gasp and your eyes widen. “Remember him?” Seong stands next to the man–the same man from the mall. The man that’d harassed you, and had been humiliated by Bada.

Here he stands, the right side of his face swollen and colored in grotesque combinations of yellow and purple bruises.

“You.” The man rasps, his eyes shining with a crazy glint.

“This man right here was beaten half to death by Bada when I found him lying on the street.” Seong pats his shoulder. “Imagine my surprise when he told me how he’d accidentally hit on the Bada Lee’s fiancée, and almost gotten himself killed because of it.” She circles around the man. “Finding you after that didn’t take much. And look at you now…”

“Lying on the floor like some pathetic bitch.” The man spits. “How does it feel?”

“Go to hell.” You snap at him, eyes set in a glare.

“You should be careful how you speak to me.” The man warns you, walking closer before he bends down in front of you. “You’re the one who’s restrained, and at our mercy.”

“And yet despite that, it’ll be your blood that stains this floor when Bada finds me.” You retaliate.

The man’s face screws up in anger, and in a flash, he grabs onto your necklace, using it to tug you forward painfully. “You bitch–”

Your eyes go wide as you watch your necklace–Bada’s mother’s necklace–stretch in his hold. “No–” you choke out, using what little control you have of your hands to slug them against his face, taking his hands off the necklace. But unfortunately, his strength ends up ripping it off your neck, the broken jewelry falling onto the ground. “No!” You cry, scrambling over to the necklace, trying to grab it with your hands.

The man turns to face you, wearing a look of anger you’d never seen before in your life. He raises his fist, about to punch you when a hand stops him from doing so.

“Now, now, let’s not get too caught up in our anger.” Seong pulls the man away from you and pushes him toward the door. “We’ll have our fun once Bada arrives, believe me. You can do the honors of killing her if you really want to.”

Seong follows the man out of the room, her lackey trailing behind her before she stops to give you one final look, and closes the door to your room, leaving you trembling and in almost complete darkness.

In the raven black of the night, Bada, Tatter, Chehe, Hyo, Kyma, Minah, and Soweon stand at the door to Seong’s hideout, guns held tightly in their hands. Bada turns to look at a building across the street, holding a thumbs up in the air. Atop the building is Lusher, her sniper propped up against the ledge of the roof, her scope focused on Bada’s signal. She traces the red dot coming from her sniper around Bada’s thumb, indicating she’s ready.

“Lusher’s in position.” Bada turns back to face Bebe, nodding at them. “Let’s not waste any more time.”

“Yes, Boss.” They all parrot in response.

Bada turns to face the doorknob, pointing her gun at it before shooting. Tatter steps up first, shouldering the door open with intense force, making it swing open and reveal Seong’s hideout. Some lackeys that had been standing around jump at the sudden intrusion, their hands instinctively reaching for their guns. But all of Bebe’s members are twice as fast and skilled. Tatter shoots down one man with her shotgun while the rest of Bebe pile in, backing her up and mulling down the waves of oncoming men like they’re bugs.

Bada steps in last, shooting a man who was running in as backup, then shooting another who almost managed to get a shot in on Minah. She charges forward without fear, cutting through the mess of flying bullets and punching one of Seong’s men in the gut, then shooting him between the eyes. His blood splatters against the side of her suit as she kicks his body away, continuing her advance until she makes it out of the entrance of the hideout, and into a split hallway.

Bada keeps her pistol trained up and ears keen as she hears Lusher’s sniper bullets break through glass windows and hit some of the men still flocking to the entrance. An emergency alarm begins to blare in the hideout, red lights bathing Bada’s figure as she studies both paths ahead of her.

Suddenly to her right, she hears loud footsteps approaching and whips around to face a man running down the hallway. Thinking quickly, she shoots him in the foot before he has the chance to reach for his gun. He falls to the floor, screaming in pain whilst clutching his wounded foot. Bada walks over to him, kicking his gun away then aiming her pistol at his head.

“Where is she?” She yells over the loud, blaring alarm.

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” The lackey wails.

“Yes you do. Tell me or I’ll kill you!” Bada places her pistol on the man’s forehead, making his pathetic wailing increase.

“Okay, okay, just please don’t shoot me!” He begs.

Bada grabs the man by his clothes, hoisting him up and pushing him forward, causing him to stumble and almost fall onto the floor again. “Show me the way, now!”

The man cries as he hobbles forward, leading her in your direction.

“Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty-seven…” your voice mutters amidst the silence, keeping track of the minutes passing by since Seong left. You stare at the steel door separating you from your freedom, hoping with every minute you count, Bada gets closer to finding and rescuing you.

It’s at minute forty-two when bright, red lights flood your room, blinding you and throwing you off your count as loud alarms sound outside. You sit up, your heart beating wildly in your chest.

“Bada…” you sigh in relief. She came for you.

Another five minutes pass before you hear movement coming towards your room, making you scramble towards the door. But when it opens, you’re not greeted by the sight of your fiancée. No, instead, Seong rushes inside, her red hair ruffled and her breaths uneven as she closes the door behind her.

“Fucking–” She mutters, her eyes finding you instantly.

“I told you.” You smirk. “You’re all dead.”

Seong stares back at you silently before charging up to you and slapping you across the face. You shriek and recoil back as she breaks into manic laughter, pulling out a gun from her pocket. “Maybe, but if I die, you’re coming with me, sweetheart.” She clicks the safety off, her finger in position to press against the trigger when three loud bangs come from outside your prison, making you scramble back in shock, and Seong turn to face the door.

A long moment of tense silence follows before the door to your prison slowly creeks open, Seong gulping as the hand holding her gun starts to tremble. Right before the door fully swings open, a shot is fired from the person outside, grazing Seong’s cheek and making her cower away.

She runs over to you, picks you up from the floor and holds onto you by your throat, her gun pressed up against your temple. "Don't get any closer, Bada Lee,” Seong yells, digging her fingers into your throat. “or I’ll kill her!”

Bada side-steps away from the door, revealing one of Seong’s men dead behind her, blood leaking from his foot and his forehead. “Let her go, Seong,” Bada demands. “Your problem is with me, not with her.”

“But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? When you hurt one person, the people you care about suffer!” Seong laughs maniacally. “You had no mercy for my family, so why should I have any for yours?”

“You did all of this because I refused to sell your drugs?” Bada spits, her voice dripping with venom. “You’re pathetic, just like your father.”

Seong’s face reflects sheer anger in response to Bada’s words. She’s about to pull the trigger of her gun when Bada shoots first. She hits Seong in the knee, causing her to collapse and shoot the ceiling instead of you. You scramble away as Bada lunges forward, tackling Seong and knocking the gun out of her hand before she can try to shoot at you again.

Unfortunately, Seong is strong as well and fights back against Bada for her gun, both trading blows with each other until Seong manages to get Bada’s gun from her grasp. She pistol whips Bada in the face, giving her a cut across the nose as Bada falls to the floor, blood falling from her wound.

“Not so tough now, huh, Lee?” Seong screams as she points Bada’s very own gun at her.

“You should know that even if you kill me,” Bada says through heaving breaths, “you’ll still never make it out of this building alive.”

Seong bares her teeth at Bada, pushing her gun closer to her temple. “You’ll still be dead.”

“Don’t!” You scream, emerging from behind Seong, holding her gun. “Put the gun down or I’ll shoot.”

Seong clicks her tongue, laughing condescendingly as she turns to face you. “You don’t have the guts to kill me.”

“But I do.” Bada jabs her fist into Seong’s stomach, knocking the woman off of her and the air out of her lungs. Bada takes her gun back and places it in her pocket as the woman with red hair heaves against the floor, her eyes the size of saucers.

Bada walks over to your trembling figure, her gaze soft as her hands come up to grab yours that are still holding onto Seong’s gun.

“It’s okay, you’re okay.” She whispers tenderly into your ear, bringing you against her chest as she quietly soothes your shaky breaths.

“I thought you were–” You begin, the words falling from your mouth through gasps.

“I know, I know.” She shushes you. “Everything’s all right now. Give me the gun, honey.” You let go of Seong’s gun, allowing Bada to take it into her hands as she faces the red-haired woman who’s writhing on the floor. “You should have known better than to touch the people I care about, Seong.” Bada’s voice is cold, and more charged with rage than you’ve ever heard her carry before. “You’ll always be your father’s waste of a daughter.”

Through Seong’s choking breaths, you hear a sob wrack her voice, tears falling from her eyes and running down the sides of her face.

Before Bada pulls the trigger, her unoccupied hand comes down to shield your eyes. “Don’t look,” She whispers softly, “and cover your ears.” With tears streaming down your face, you plug your ears and shut your eyes, a deafening shot following soon after. A few minutes pass before you feel Bada move you around, hugging you close to her chest as she breathes a sigh of relief. “It’s over.”

It’s like the floodgates open at the sound of Bada’s soothing voice because you start to sob violently into her chest, wishing you could cling onto her, but you can’t your hands still restrained by handcuffs. “Bada.” You cry, burying your face into her warm body heat.

“I know, I’m so sorry.” She whispers. “I came as fast as I could.”

“I thought she was going to shoot you.” You sob. “I was so scared–”

“Shh, it’s all right honey, I promise. I’m okay.” She pats the back of your head before pulling away to gaze into your eyes. They’re wide and filled with tears, but so infinitely beautiful to her. Bada wipes your tears away with her thumb, smiling softly at you. She takes a step back, taking off her suit jacket before placing it onto your shoulders and rubbing up and down your arms. “Let’s go home, okay?”

Bada’s room is warm, the atmosphere a far cry from the prison you’d been held in. You sit on Bada’s fluffy bed, staring into the distance with a faraway expression while waiting for her to return.

Thankfully she does as soon as the thought crosses your mind. She makes her presence known by knocking gently on the wood of her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”

“Yes.” You croak.

Bada enters the room with a mug of piping tea in one hand, and uses her unoccupied one to close the door behind her. She sits next to you on the bed, handing you the mug while muttering a soft warning about how hot it is.

“Thank you.” You say quietly, taking the drink and blowing on it.

Bada places her big hand on your thigh, rubbing it gently as she looks into your downcast eyes. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.” You admit, staring at the ripples in the tea caused by your breath.

“I’m glad.” Bada’s eyes move from yours to your hands, noticing how red and raw your wrists are. She removes her hand from your thigh, gently touching your wrist so she can turn it over to get a better look at it. “Should I get you some pain medicine?”

“No.” You answer quickly, your eyes shooting up from your tea and meeting hers. “Stay with me, please.”

Bada nods silently, rubbing the skin just above your wrist. “I’m sorry.” She whispers grimly. “You got hurt because of me.”

You stare at Bada with an incredulous look, shaking your head rapidly. “It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t lied to you and went to that party, Seong would have never been able to get to me–”

“You went to that party because you missed your friends,” Bada argues back lightly. “I deprived you of a social life in my obsession with keeping you safe, and look at where it got us.”

“Bada Lee, this is not your fault.” You say firmly. “You saved my life.”

Bada looks like she wants to argue more, but holds herself back. The silence between you two allows your still-racing mind to catch up, and you suddenly sit up, eyes wide and full of sorrow.

"What is it?" Bada questions, noticing your expression.

"Bada..." you trail off, turning to the side to grab something you'd hidden. Facing her again, her mother's broken necklace is in the palm of you hand. "I'm so sorry. I tried to keep it safe..."

Bada takes the necklace out of your hand and holds it up in front of you both. "I don't care."

"What?" You breathe incredulously. "But Bada, it was your mother's–"

"And it can be fixed." She says softly. “I’m just glad you’re safe.”

Your look of shock melts into a sappy smile. “Me too.” You agree, placing your mug-free hand on top of Bada’s. She moves her hand around, weaving your fingers together tenderly as her thumb swipes across the skin of your hand.

“Did Seong hurt you anywhere else?” Bada asks, scanning your face for injuries.

You turn your face to your right, showing her your left cheek, which is now slightly bruised. “She slapped me.”

Bada’s eyes take in your injured cheek, a storm of emotions flashing in her irises for nothing more than a split second before she masks it with a caring expression. She brings up your arm so that it’s in front of her, places her lips on your hurt wrist, then she brings it back down and brushes her other hand across your left cheek. She leans in, pressing a soft kiss to each of the growing bruises.

When she’s done she leans back, nothing but pure care in her eyes as she gazes at you.

“Can I ask you something?” You mumble, butterflies dancing in the pit of your stomach.

“You can ask me anything, honey,” Bada whispers, tracing shapes onto your hands. 

“You always kiss my injuries.” You point out, careful to keep your voice sweet so she knows you like her display of affection. “Is there a reason why?”

Bada’s eyes leave yours for a brief moment, finding something above your head and gazing there before her eyes move back to you. “My mother, she used to…” she trails off, “she used to do that when I was younger. It always made me feel better.”

You smile softly at Bada, warmth flooding your veins. “That’s beautiful.”

She smiles back at you, muttering a soft thank you. You both allow a comfortable silence to fill the room until an idea pops into your head.

You quickly place your mug of tea on Bada’s beside table, then turn to face her. She gives you a confused expression when you take both of her hands and lift them up. Bada’s long fingers curl against yours, displaying her bloody and bruised knuckles. You lean down, placing a soft kiss next to each of them, unable to see how Bada’s eyes widen at your actions until you pull away.

When you look back at her, she’s looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky. You smile at her, then lean up, placing one final kiss on her nose, right below the cut Seong made.

Pulling away for the final time, Bada brings you closer to her, missing your warmth as she touches her forehead to yours and closes her eyes.

“Please never leave me again.”

❝ should my hands be stained with blood, let them be so, solely for you. ❞

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm seeing a lot of asks about this and I want to give my two cents: I'm cool with Bruce being a bad father, but only if DC admits that he is a bad father.

You can't have him doing downright abusive shit only to never address it. The only character that consistently criticizes Bruce parenting is painted as entitled and vindictive. I genuinely think the reason why we can't have a decent Red Hood arc is because if you want Jason to make sense you're gonna have to admit Bruce is a fucked up father or rewrite canon.

Same reason for Tim "never aging", not so much physically but emotionally. Because to have the character establish itself like Nightwing did you would need to address at some point all the bullshit he went through. Even with Dick. Like sometimes it looks like they want to recognize how being raised by Batman fucked him up by they end up settling for "oh it's the pressure". Like that's the most DC will say "Batman puts his kids under a lot of pressure buuuuuut it's justified because they're fighting evil :)".

Not just the kids, I think Batman himself would be so much more interesting if DC was willing to let him confront these things. As a redemption arc or as a fatal flaw that keeps his family at arms length. But they want to have their cake (have Batman be edgy and give the Robins Character Development™ through good old child abuse) and eat it (have Batman be Dad of the year). And that's what doesn't work.

Batfam fandom is great because you have people making content for Good Father Bruce, Bad Dad Bruce (he's trying and it's a bit funny/tragic), Awful Father Bruce (with no intention of changing. Every option is way more interesting than DC's directionless mess. Like, we don't even need them to make Bruce Good™ we just want them to pick a side and stick to it.

Thank you. My gods that sums it up perfectly.

Like, I've got no problem consuming Good Dad Bruce content... if it's not the comics. The animated stuff is usually fine, and fanwork is also great. There's a ton to like about it.

Hell, I'm even chill if Bruce makes mistakes and errors and fucks up with his kids. That's realistic, as long as they address that he did, in fact, do that shit. They need to talk about how his actions have hurt his kids and his relationships with them. He can try to do better, or he can stay distant with his kids because of it (low to no contact). It's truly not that difficult to chat about.

Now, media that addresses all of the horrid stuff he's done and considers realistic reactions/solutions to it? Fantastic. I love that so much. It's so cathartic watching him get his ass handed to him.

It's not necessary, though. I'm chill with good dad Bruce.

Despite that, outright ignoring what he does or brushing it under the rug? That's horrific. That reads like a sickening cycle of abuse, and I can't stand it. It's the exact same shit an abuser pulls by harming their victim (psychologically, mentally, physically, etc.), apologizing (ish), finding a way to pin the blame back on the victim, and then love bombing. Like, my gods. Bruce will beat the shit out of Jason and say it's Jason's fault for killing someone... "I wouldn't harm you/take a machine to permanetly fuck up your brain if you didn't do that. It's not my fault that I decided to hurt you. It's your fault that I did."

I just fucking can't.

I think Tim, with his little statement of "I don't expect you to apologize" after Bruce caused him to have a nervous breakdown post 16th birthday, that's a close approximation to admitting that Bruce is a piece of shit that does tendencies like an abuser. No matter what someone's intentions are, they should still apologize if they've cause unjustified/unintentional harm. Only assholes who don't regret their actions or people who feel their actions are justified won't apologize. There's times when apologizing isn't necessary or desired. That's fine. I won't apologize if Comic!Bruce and I are in a room, and I "accidentally" set him on fire.

Yet, Bruce is out here fucking up his kids. At the very LEAST, they deserve a fucking apology. Maybe a restraining order.

I ranted a bit. My bad. Anyways, have DC acknowledge the shitty actions Bruce does or don't have him do them. It's simple.

[tangg-official-by-maddy-k]

I DID A BUNCH OF ABBY PEN DOODLES IN CLASS TODAY!

OMG OMG OMG! I LOVE drawing Abby SO much. Her design is just so fun (I'm worried it will be a PAIN to animate someday tho T_T but I just love to draw her this way.)

The first doodle is of a random character disregard (though that design ended up affecting some of Abby's human design sketches).

Abby is one of the few NGG characters I can draw from MEMORY. (The others being Bonnie, Marcus, Iris, and Drake). Probably because they are some of the oldest characters who haven't changed too much. (Devinchi's hair is really complicated, and Mary had a total redesign recently and I'm still getting used to it.) Enough about that though... just keep in mind that like all of these are off model without reference so they might be a bit off.

I recently have seen a lot of people drawing Amanda from Amanda the Adventurer with her hair down and it honestly made me wanna try and draw Abby in human form with her hair down too. I'm still learning how to draw this kind of hair type, if you have any tips let me know because it's a little confusing to me, super fun to draw tho. I'm currently trying to figure out how hair length changes between when the hair is braided and when it's not... though that's something I struggle with for all hair types. (Hair can be SO confusing, but SO fun to draw).

I might change Abby's fear of furry animals to just being afraid of dogs just to simplify it. She's completely fine with reptiles though. I've never actually designed her mom so I kind of just doodled whatever came to mind. That's what I love about pen doodles. mistakes don't matter and you can try new things out with no pressure! Anyway now that I'll be mostly doodling from now on (I doodle in class to help me focus) you may see a ton more of Abby cuz I love to draw her so much!

[thebiggerbear]

Only Ever Holding Onto You - Three - Same Old Shit

A/N: Personally, this is one of my favorites so far because I love Poppernak dearly but also I wanted to delve into the reader a bit more. This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Warnings: a ton of shit (literally)

Word Count: 7114

Series Masterlist

Series Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch; @rieleatiel

You cursed quietly when you stepped in dog shit yet again. You took a deep breath to center yourself, knowing there was nothing you could do and that you would have a good hour or two of cleaning every single tread on the sole of your shoes when you got home to make sure all of the fecal matter was gone. For now, grass and a piece of cardboard that Poppernak hopefully had in the back of his car that could double as a floor mat would have to do. You opened your eyes and surged forward…right into another pile of dogshit.

“Motherfuck,” you hissed as you felt the familiar squishy feeling under your foot and the smell predictably wafted up to assault your nose. This place was a goddamn minefield!

You should have known, seeing the state the house was in as well as the makeshift garage. Not to mention the elderly age of the owners and the large lawn mower that clearly sat unused if the yards of rust covering it was anything to go by. This land hadn’t been worked in a long time; how could you expect that they would clean up dogshit where it remained hidden by grass that was long enough to wave with each passing breeze? Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Pops very carefully moving forward on his chosen pathway, obsessively checking the ground before he took a step. It just hit you that there could even be snakes in here and you could be walking through their damn living room. Son of a bitch.

“Hey Pepper Snaps, be careful! There could be snakes,” you called.

“I wasn’t thinking about that but now I am. Thanks, Y/N.”

You may have rolled your eyes and hoped he stepped in the next pile of dogshit instead of you. 

“Did you find Goldie yet?” An old man shouted from behind you.

You turned around to see Lee Knutson, a man in his eighties, watching you from his porch along with his wife Marilyn, also in her eighties. Both of them owned this property and they had placed a call to the police reporting their dog Goldie as missing. They were frantic and because Helena PD loved to pass calls like this onto your department from time to time, here you were, looking for a dog in a place that could double as Jumanji to appease an old couple who loved their dog more than life itself. Hoyt had passed the call onto you with a smirk, saying “You’re an animal lover, right, Y/L/N? Why don’t you and Pop take this one?” Based on her passive aggressive comment, you knew she was still holding a grudge about your calling the Feds in on the Avuna Pharmaceutical case. You knew she had it in for you before that but now, you knew she was doing everything she could to make your life even more of a living hell as punishment. Especially when Beau publicly backed your play; that just made her burn even more. 

Having no choice other than to send Pops alone, you found yourself entering the previously uncharted wild jungle of Helena, Montana, with him right behind you. You both were wading through shit and a yard that looked like it could double as an apocalyptic landscape because you’d had the audacity to try to do the right thing in a case where all parties were concerned. Something that from what you’d heard, Hoyt would have most likely done herself back in the day. You knew deep down though that her fury at you had more to do with Beau refusing to bust your ass than the Feds getting involved. You had decided that you would let it continue to be her problem and just do your job, like always. But damn if you had imagined it would get this bad. You supposed you should be grateful she hadn’t sent you and Pops into a dangerous situation where you might not escape unscathed, like exchanging fire with a perp, though the smell that smacked you in the face when you turned to face the old man had you almost wishing she had. You’d take anything else anyday over this crap.

“Not yet,” you yelled back. “But don’t worry, Mr. Knutson, we’re still looking!” You hoped you sounded more hopeful than you felt. 

It really had been a shitty week, pun fucking intended. 

The morning after the very weird night you’d had at The Boot Heel, Beau wasn’t in the office. Madge told you he had simply called out, claiming that he was taking a few vacation days, and that he knew the department had things handled. You thanked the woman and frowned at Beau’s closed door as you passed. 

You had texted Beau the night before when you arrived home as he had asked you to, and he wished you a good night, letting you know he was safely home as well (he knew you too well). That had been the last time you heard from him which wouldn’t be that strange if he had shown up for work. You forced your worry back down and told yourself you were fretting over nothing, this spike in nerves you had was just a remnant from the previous evening. Your compass was most likely still recalibrating. Beau was fine, everyone and everything was fine, he had a right to take his well-earned vacation time especially since he never really took a day off — you were overreacting. But just to be safe, you texted Emily to check in. She got back to you within a few minutes, letting you know that she and her mom had a full day planned since they now had time to start painting their new home that they had moved into a few months back. 

Carla had been ready to leave Montana after Avery’s death and Emily’s abduction scare but Beau thankfully had talked her into staying, for Emily’s sake, for his sake — all of their sakes. As soon as Carla sold the property she had shared with Avery, Beau helped her and their daughter move into a new home in a closer neighborhood that she was able to get a good deal on. You knew Beau had been relieved when Carla agreed to stay and you had as well, for him and for you. There was no way you wouldn’t try to follow him back down to Houston if he had gone, especially not when Hoyt might take his place where she could make your life miserable full-time and on the county’s dime. Just like she was already doing this week.

Emily promised to send you pictures of the finished product and you wished her luck, telling her to call you if they needed a hand once your shift was over. Em and Carla were fine; that just left Beau.

Before you could type up a text to check in with him, a quick meeting assembled that you had no idea had even been planned. Hoyt took charge and completely dismissed you, laying down the law for the next few days. She would be distributing calls and deciding who to dispatch. Which you found awful funny because that was bound to create issues with the system Beau already had in place. Madge looked slightly put out until Hoyt wrapped an arm around her shoulders and told her she would need the older woman’s help. You watched the entire scene unfold, arms crossed and leaning against the doorway, smirking and enjoying the show. It didn’t surprise you in the least when she approached you and Pops last with your assignments for the morning, a triumphant grin on her face.

“A couple of calls came in late last night that I’d like you two to follow up on.” She handed the sheet of paper to Pops who took it and scanned it quickly. “You don’t mind, do you, Y/L/N?” 

Your smirk widened. She was clearly challenging you, practically daring you to say something. Beau had made it plain to her and the department often enough that you and Hoyt were equal in his eyes. Neither of you had authority over the other one. He told you later when it was just the two of you that he had done that out of respect for your career and experience thus far but also to give you a leg to stand on when it came to Hoyt. He understood that she worked hard in her position as undersheriff and he wasn’t trying to take that from her but he wanted you in the department working with him and he wasn’t going to demote you to make that happen. You were more than appreciative of his willingness to not only take you on and keep you with him but also to make sure you didn’t go backwards in pay or in your career. You found out later he had even taken a slight pay cut himself when he brought you on board, which you duly chastised him for later, not wanting him to sacrifice anymore than he already had. The response he gave you was a simple wink and his usual boyish smile. 

So Hoyt and the department knew where you stood, something the blonde was testing right now because Beau wasn’t here. The department didn’t give a crap if she took advantage and lorded it over you as long as it wasn’t them, and she expected you to either fold or go running to tell Beau or something along those lines. She clearly didn’t know you at all if she expected any type of reaction she was trying to get out of you. Your grin matched hers. “Not at all.”

Her blue eyes narrowed but then you could see the triumph in her smile, thinking she had won some imaginary victory over you. “Great.” You pushed the urge to roll your eyes deep down, knowing that if anything happened with the department over the next few days, the responsibility was on her alone, officially. Unofficially, you’d keep an eye out during Beau’s absence and not let everything turn to complete shit.

Your smile grew so much that your cheeks started to hurt.

Hoyt began to say something else but before she could get a word out, your phone started ringing. You pulled it out of your pocket and the name on the screen sent your heart into overdrive. “Excuse me. I have to take this.” You didn’t wait for Hoyt to respond or Pops, but one quick glance confirmed she had seen the screen as well. The glare she was currently gracing you with was the glare to end all glares. You ignored it and stepped away as planned, hearing her snap at Pops to make sure you didn’t stay on the phone too long and to get out the door, before storming away.

This time, you did roll your eyes, and you picked up the call.

“Beau?”

“Mornin’.” He sounded okay though his voice seemed a little more gravelly than usual. You attributed it to the early hour. 

“Morning. You okay?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just taking a few days.”

“Long overdue,” you agreed.

“Yeah,” he sighed. 

You glanced around and lowered your voice. “You really are okay, though? You’d tell me if something was wrong… Right? Like you coughing twice or asking me to take the pineapple slices off the pizza to indicate you’re being held against your will.”

He let out a laugh and that made you feel lighter than you had a moment ago. “I’m good, Y/N, I promise. Pineapple on pizza? How in the hell is that a pizza topping? I still don’t get it.”

“You would if you would ever try it when I order it.”

“I will never eat that crap. Who puts fruit on pizza anyway? Besides you?”

“A lot of the population in fact. That’s why it’s so popular,” you teased him.

“I’ve lost all hope for society.”

You finished taking a sip of your coffee. “Really? You’ve been working this job now for two decades and a yellow and very delicious fruit put on pizza is what finally did it for you?”

“Fruit doesn’t go on pizza, Y/N. I’m not having this debate with you again. Not this early,” he groaned.

“The trick is to get it without the sauce. That’s how I order it. It’s only weird tasting when the sauce is added into the mix.”

“If there’s no sauce, then how is it pizza?”

You snorted. “Pizza is all about the cheese.”

“And the sauce. Without sauce, it’s just bread and cheese.”

“Which incidentally are two of the most important ingredients for pizza.”

You smiled in victory when an exasperated sigh came down the line. “Okay, you win. So how do I get out of this conversation that’s happening against my will? Do I sneeze twice or ask for extra cheese?”

“Ha ha. You called me, remember that.” In your peripherals, you noticed Pops signaling to you and pointing to his watch. You nodded and held a finger up. Yes, you knew Hoyt couldn’t wait for you to go out on your crappy call list for the morning, and add more to it during the day most likely. Her pettiness could wait a few more minutes. Guaranteed, this was going to be the best part of your day and you weren’t giving it up that easily. “So, what are your plans for today? Have any or are you just taking it easy for the day?” 

“Actually, I’m gonna head over to Carla’s and help her and Em out for the day.”

A small smile settled onto your face. “Em will be really happy to see you.” And both she and Carla would be happy to have the extra practiced hand no doubt. You almost wished you could join them, to help Emily prank her father by rolling paint all over his clothes if for nothing else.

“Yeah, it’ll be good to see her, too. I didn’t get much sleep last night so I spent a lot of time thinking. About work, about life and…everything, and that’s why I took a few days off. I’m gonna try to convince Em to go camping with me over the weekend. I want to spend some time with my daughter before she graduates and goes off to college.”

“Don’t worry. You’ve got some time before that happens,” you murmured soothingly. You knew this was something he worried about, he’d told you often enough. He felt like he was losing time with Emily, that the window he had was closing more and more with each passing day. That feeling only ramped up after Em had been taken hostage. You couldn’t blame him; for the first few months after, you’d hugged Emily a little longer and a little tighter whenever you saw her, something she endlessly rolled her eyes at but kindly allowed you to do each time.

“Not much.”

You bit your lip, choosing to ignore Pops who appeared in front of you, frantically gesturing behind him. Rolling your eyes, you turned to the side, lowering your voice further. “I think it’s a great idea. I’m glad you’re doing this, taking some time for yourself and to spend with Em. To hell with everyone and everything else these next few days, you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am,” he chuckled.

“And if anyone calls you from the department, I will personally run over their cell phone with my car. Twice.”

“About that…”

“Beau,” you growled in warning, walking away from Pops who was dogging your every step.

“That’s why I’m calling you. I’m not taking any calls from work for the next few days, especially if I get Em to go camping with me. I don’t want any interruptions and I trust that you and Hoyt will have a handle on things while I’m gone.”

You pressed your lips together, hating to lie to your best friend, but it was important for him to take this time. He never willingly took time off and you knew he needed this time with Em, even before he said anything. And for him to have come to this decision so suddenly, you knew he meant it. There was never a single second that Beau hadn’t made himself accessible, day or night, for anyone in the department. So for him to go radio silent intentionally for any period of time, he meant business. “Understood,” you agreed.

“But, Y/N, saying that…I do want you to call me if anything pops up that you think I should know about.”

And there it was, the caveat. “I’m not calling you, Arlen. Like you said, we’ve got this.”

“I mean it. I’m only available to you, Y/N, no one else. I trust your judgment and I know you’ll filter out most of the white noise. But also, if you need anything…you call me.”

“I appreciate that but we’ll be okay,” you reassured, quickly stepping into an empty interrogation room and shutting the door on Pops. You managed to wedge a chair underneath the knob before he could try it, smirking in satisfaction when the door failed to give way and he started knocking instead while calling your name. “And listen, I don’t want to intrude on family time but if you do need a hand with the painting, I can always drop by later, repaint everything you did, take my pineapple pizza I’ll definitely be ordering for a job well done, and go.”

“Hey! I know how to paint!”

“Yeah, you also told me you knew how to cook, too.”

“I can grill,” Beau snapped.

You heard the chair beginning to budge and you pressed all of your weight against the door, trying to prevent Pops from opening it. “Uh huh. I think the charred left corner of your deck would beg to differ.”

“Wow. That was one time and everybody was okay. When are you gonna let that go?”

“Whenever you allow me to call in some hot Helena firefighters next time to put out the fire and let me watch rather than making me extinguish the flames myself with a fire extinguisher I luckily had in my car that day. I was cheated out of muscles and sweat and big, big fire hoses that get everything wet….all that water pressure—”

“Ah, ah, alright, alright. Stop. Bad images in my head. Never coming out now thanks to you.”

You couldn’t help but snicker. “You deserve it. Now, seriously, go enjoy your time with your daughter and leave the department to us. If you need help later or if you just need anything, give me a call.” Pops was pushing against you and you were ashamed to admit you were losing the battle. Your feet were sliding against the floor as the door struggled to open, the chair having been lost some moments ago.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll let you go so you can get to work. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” you struggled to get out. “Have fun. Give Em a hug from me.”

“Copy that. And Y/N?”

Pops finally pushed into the room and you had no choice but to abandon your post or be flat up against the wall. “Yeah?”

“Be careful out there.”

Pops was hunched over catching his breath, glaring up at you and pointing to his watch, mouthing “Hoyt”. You smiled sweetly down at him. “You know me. Always am.”

You hadn’t heard from Beau later that day but it was just as well. You had had the day from hell just as you’d expected. You settled down on your couch in the comfiest clothes you could find and binged Real Housewives of Dallas. You normally couldn’t stand these types of reality shows, but this one had grown on you and always provided the perfect distraction. That and Floribama Shore. Beau had been present for at least the first two episodes of the latter to which he stared over at you in disbelief, promptly got up to grab a beer, and told you that he didn’t know you. And you replied back that you didn’t mind as long as he was willing to bring a perfect stranger a beer from your kitchen.

While you were indulging in your comfort show, Em had sent you pictures of the painted rooms as promised. It looked good and you liked the colors she and Carla had picked out. You broke into hysterics when one picture had Beau posing in front of a perfectly painted wall with a smug smirk and holding his arms out proudly. Beau was so lucky you didn’t have the password to the department’s website; you would have uploaded the picture so fast it would have made Poppernak’s head spin. Another picture showed a great selfie of all of the family. You liked that one, all genuine smiles and plenty of paint all over every single one of them (Em obviously had taken your suggestion and started a paint fight, you were so proud), Emily posing in the middle between her parents. It was nice to see them enjoying themselves, especially after the year they’d had. 

You knew it hadn’t been easy for Carla to choose to stay in the same area she and her daughter had experienced so much trauma in; she had told you as much. It was important to her to keep what family she had left together, that’s why she initially wanted to move back to Houston. But when Beau had convinced her to stay, she did it to keep Emily’s family together though it cost her quite a bit personally. You did everything you could to help, leaning into the friendship you used to have with her back in Texas. Not to mention Carla and Cassie had also formed their own sort of friendship thanks to the mutual links of Beau, you, and Emily. There were quite a few times Denise had mentioned to you that she and Cassie had stopped in for tea when Carla was still trying to sell the old property. You all provided as much support as you could, to let her and Emily (and Beau by extension) know that they weren’t alone here.

Your phone chimed with the arrival of a new picture. This one had you bowled over with laughter for the next two minutes. Emily had taken a selfie of her and Beau making horrified faces at the camera, an open box of Hawaiian pizza next to them, the pineapple clear as day on top of the cheese (sans the sauce as you had ordered). Emily had added in text: “Thanks for the pizza…I guess?” You rolled your eyes, smiling, and texted her back that it was pizza and if she could get her dad to eat a piece, she absolutely had to record a video and send it to you. She sent a winky emoji back with a thumbs up when a new message came in from Beau.

You shrugged and quickly typed out a reply. 

You snickered at the emojis he sent in response. Beau didn’t usually do emojis, that had to be Em’s influence, and you sure were getting a kick out of it. 

Satisfied that you had more than made your point about pineapple on pizza being superior, you snuggled down into your pillows and started another episode of Real Housewives. Seeing location shots of Dallas intercut with the episode caused a little pang inside your chest. Perhaps that’s part of the reason you tolerated such a dramatic show. You had only been to Dallas once or twice but still, the images reminded you of home and it provided a tiny salve for your heart, something you needed after such a rough day. Smiling when you were flooded with happy memories, you slowly closed your eyes and you were out like a light before Leanne and Brandi could start fighting for the umpteenth time over who betrayed who while Stephanie watched from the background looking torn.

And the rest of the week had been just as rough. You had come to refer to it as Hell Week between you and Poppernak. Hoyt made sure to give you the worst calls she could pull from the list each morning, either giving them to you directly or giving them to Pops knowing you would join him so he had backup. And you were pretty sure she had Madge dispatching any bullshit calls to you both during the day. Truthfully, it was starting to wear on you a little but you refused to show any trace of it to Hoyt or anyone in the department. That’s exactly what she wanted and you’d die first before giving that spiteful little blonde one goddamn inch.

Poppernak had even mentioned something one afternoon as you rode about an hour outside of town for a new case. It wasn’t his norm to make comments on the ongoing conflict between you and Hoyt, choosing to cruise in neutral territory instead, but that’s how much of a fucked up week it had been.

“Man, what did you do to piss off Hoyt this time?”

You shrugged a shoulder. “I was born, I guess.”

He chuckled nervously and shook his head, turning his gaze back onto the road. “Or something.”

“Or something,” you echoed. 

You hadn’t heard from Beau in a couple of days except for a single text message to let you know that he had convinced Emily to go camping after all. He asked if everything was going okay and you assured him that all was well. It was a lie of course but you refused to tell him the truth. You were a big girl and you could take care of yourself. Besides, you chose to meet Hoyt’s petty bullshit with indifference. 

And now you here were, schlepping through three foot long grass like you were on a fucking safari, looking for some old couple’s runaway dog and finding every conceivable pile of dog shit for you to plow through. Pops was whistling and calling out for the dog in his area and you were pretty sure he hadn’t moved any further since you warned him about potential snakes. Normally, you would have rolled your eyes and planned to tease him later about his apprehension, but in this situation, you couldn’t help but think that he was the smart one. You kept surging forward blindly, hence the crap all over your shoes. 

You had made it a few more feet when suddenly a dark head popped up not that far from your position, startling you and making you gasp. Your eyes went wide when you realized what you were looking at. Was that a…wolf? A goddamn wolf? 

Poppernak called out the name of the dog, and the wolf’s head snapped in his direction. You were stunned, but you still had enough presence of mind to call over to your partner albeit calmly so as not to startle the animal in front of you. “Pops! Shhh.”

“What was that, Y/N? I didn’t catch that. You see something?” He yelled back, making you grind your teeth together.

You carefully raised a hand in his direction to get his attention. “I need you to be quiet,” you carefully enunciated as you watched the wolf staring you down. “There is a wolf in front of me.”

“I’m sorry, did you say a wolf?” Poppernak cried out in a mix of disbelief and alarm. You bit your lip to keep from screaming out at him to shut his trap like you desperately wanted to. The more loud sounds that were made seemed to agitate the wolf and you were right in its sights. If you somehow survived this, you were going to give Pops a serious talking to. If you told him to shut it out in the field while working with him, he needed to shut his damn mouth, no questions asked, case closed.

“Pops, stop making so much noise. You’re pissing it off,” you said as calmly as possible.

“What do you want me to do?” Pops chose to loudly whisper instead. “Should I call Animal Control?”

The wolf bared its teeth at you and growled. Great.

“Don’t think that’s gonna help.”

You watched as the animal tensed and coiled in a backwards motion, almost as if it was getting into an attack position. Your instincts warred with one another; you wanted to reach for your gun to protect yourself but you also didn’t want to make any movements that might pose more of a threat. From the continued growling and its yellow-eyed laser focus on you, it was obvious you were already considered one.

“Y/N,” Poppernak stage whispered to you. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered back. “They didn’t cover wolves in training at the academy.”

“I don’t know, either.”

“You’re from around here, Pops. How the hell do you not know what to do?”

“Hey, they didn’t cover this in training here, either. That’s why we have Animal Control.”

“Pops!”

“Okay, okay. Whatever you do, don’t look it in the eyes. I think I remember my grandpa telling me if you do that with a bear, they’ll take it as a challenge and it’ll make them want to attack.”

The wolf growled at you and coiled back further, making you let out a nervous breath. “It’s a little late for that, Pepper Snaps.”

“Hang on, Y/N. I’m coming.”

“No! Stay where you are!” You yelled out in shock, wincing when you realized your mistake.

You saw more teeth and heard another growl. You decided the hell with it, and slowly moved to grab your gun. This thing was going to attack you, that was obvious, and while you’d rather it just turn and run in the opposite direction, you had to defend yourself. At that very inopportune moment, your phone vibrated in your pocket and your head snapped up, gasping when you noticed the animal ready itself to spring at you. This was it; you were done for. One of your last thoughts was that you hoped your being mauled by one of the apex predators of Montana finally lit a fire under Beau to prompt him to action and he ripped Hoyt a new one for sending you and Pops out into the fucking wilderness with no backup or protection.

“Goldie!” The old man called out from the porch. “Here, girl!” He’d obviously given up trusting that you and Poppernak would find his dog. Based on the wolf in front of you, you had a feeling you knew where the missing pet had gone. 

Almost as if it heard that thought and it had reached its limit on irritation, the animal growled and sprung forward at you, making you surge backwards and cry out as you fell promptly on your ass, right into several piles of dogshit you had somehow missed before. You held an arm up in front of your face as a last defense and closed your eyes, anticipating the feeling of those sharp teeth you had seen and the ensuing pain.

“Y/N!” Poppernak shouted. You could hear him running towards you. “I’m coming!”

 Much to your surprise, the pain didn’t come. The impact didn’t even happen. Your eyes snapped open in time to see a tail whooshing past you. In shock, you watched as the wolf broke into a run towards the house. 

“Pops! It’s heading towards the house!” You managed to get out. “The Knutsons!”

“Oh shit!” Had this been any other time, you would have laughed in surprise at Pops’ cursing; he never cursed. But this wasn’t any other time. “Mr. Knutson, get in the house! Get Mrs. Knutson and get inside! NOW!”

You went into a panic when you saw Lee make eye contact with the animal and instead of grabbing his wife and fleeing into the house as Pops instructed, a huge smile broke out onto his face and he held his arms out. “Goldie!”

The wolf increased its speed and you pulled your gun, jumping to your feet and running as fast as you could, Poppernak not too far behind you, both of you thinking the same thing: Lee was old and his eyesight might not be the best. He probably believed he saw his dog running towards him and being overwhelmed with relief, he didn’t think anything of it. He probably hadn’t even heard Pops’ yells too well, either, but even if he had, he’d probably think the deputy was mistaken. He was seeing his dog returning home to him. There was no way you were going to match the speed of the animal, it was going to beat you to the Knutsons, but you were determined to try. You just hoped you got there in time enough that the injuries wouldn’t be too bad. 

You heard the wolf bark as it jumped onto the porch, right at the old man. “Get back, sir!” Poppernak yelled next to you. Your lungs and legs were burning, but you pushed yourself to pick up speed and gave it all you had, making leaps over little objects that littered the portion of the yard you were in to give yourself more momentum.    

But to your surprise, the wolf stopped right before colliding with Lee, and instead raised up on its hind legs, placing its paws on his chest. “Shit,” you panted out and pumped your arms to help you move even faster. The wolf’s tongue was hanging out in between barks and you were close enough now to hear it let out a few cries, too. But thankfully, it didn’t attack Lee, or Marilyn when she got up and hurried over, the smile on her face mirroring her husband’s. It also didn’t bite Lee as he petted its huge head.

“Goldie! Where have you been? We’ve been so worried about you!” The wolf barked in the man’s face, making him laugh.

You and Poppernak came to a halt right in front of the house and began to raise your guns to porch level and stopped, thinking the older couple was still confused. “Mr. Knutson, be very careful,” the deputy warned. “Don’t make any sudden movements.”

Both Lee and Marilyn glanced down at you in confusion. “What do you mean?” The former asked.

“Mrs. Knutson, carefully step away, slowly,” you added. You were still working out in your head how you were going to get Lee safely out of the way and how you could scare the wolf off so you wouldn’t have to shoot it. Poppernak could then call Animal Control and get them out here so the Knutsons would be safe. Catching a whiff of yourself, realizing it was actually wolf shit you had been trekking through this entire time, you even entertained the thought of looking into getting someone out here to clean up the property for them.

Marilyn’s brows furrowed. “Why? You found our Goldie!”

“Ma’am, that’s not Goldie,” Pops calmly stated, both of your eyes still centered on the large animal who growled in your direction.

“Yes, it is!” Lee insisted.

“Sir,” you began. “I’m afraid it’s not.” You really didn’t desire to tell these people that their beloved dog was gone, most likely killed by the predator in front of them, but that was something you could worry about after everyone was safe. 

“It is too Goldie! Watch!” Lee glanced down at the animal, forcing it to make eye contact. “Goldie, sit!”

And to both yours and Poppernak’s shock, the wolf jumped down and did just that, looking as docile as any well-trained pet. 

“Good girl,” Lee praised. “Now, lay down.” The wolf again did as the old man instructed, wagging its tail.

You and your partner exchanged a mystified look; had the Knutsons been feeding a wolf this whole time? And now it was following their commands? How was this even possible? Just when you thought you’d seen everything.

Lee began to laugh. “Oh, I see. You think she’s a wolf from the wild, right?” 

You failed to see the humor and swiftly nodded, still keeping your eye on the animal. “She’s not?” Poppernak asked in disbelief.

“Oh my Lord, no. Goldie here is a hybrid. We’ve had her since she was a pup. Got her from a breeder. So you can relax now and put those guns away. You’re making her nervous.”

Poppernak slowly placed his back in his holster but you simply lowered yours. The wolf may now be watching you in keen interest, tongue lolling out of its mouth and panting heavily, but you still remembered how aggressive it looked back in the yard when you came across it. You weren’t blindly trusting what the old man was telling you; you needed proof first.

“Mr. Knutson, when I asked you what your dog looked like, you told me it had black fur and yellow—”

“Eyes,” Lee finished for you. “That’s why we call her Goldie. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

One glance at the wolf confirmed the rich gold staring back at you. 

“But when we asked you the breed, you said it was a mutt, half King Shepherd. Not to mention it was about to attack Y/L/N here.” You gave a subtle nod of appreciation to your partner at that last little mention. Both of you were trying to desperately make sense of this odd situation. Especially since you asked for a photo of Goldie and you were told you didn’t need one since she had to be lost on the property somewhere, possibly hurt or dying. It wasn’t like her not to come home by nightfall; her being missing for two days straight, she was in trouble. Their urgency overrode your attempts to get a visual of the animal you were looking for. You’d even tried to persuade them to supply you with a photo anyway but Lee had been adamant, which is exactly why you and Pops had been making your way through the endless yard.

“That’s her dog half. And a hybrid is a mutt,” Lee mused, smiling down at his pet. “I know she’s big and scary looking but I assure you she’s harmless. You probably just scared her is all. She doesn’t care for trespassers and she’s a little wary of visitors.” Marilyn nodded along with him.

You looked over at Pops who gave you a shrug, unsure of how to proceed. You let out a heavy breath and slipped your gun back into your holster, your gaze landing back on the wolf who laid her head down on her paws, almost as if she was trying to look innocent of the accusation that had just been made against her. Your eyes lifted to her owner when a thought hit you.

“You got her from a breeder, you say? Surely you’ll have papers for her then.”

Lee scratched at his head. “We do, somewhere. It’d take us forever to find it but, hey! You ask the sheriff or Miss Hoyt. They know Goldie, they know she’s legal.”

Your jaw tensed at the mention of the undersheriff. You knew she was saving the worst calls for you to go out on and you had accepted this week was pure hell that you would get through no matter what, but this…this was just plain vindictiveness at its best. Now the smirk she’d given you when giving you this call made sense, along with her insisting Animal Control wasn’t needed when you mentioned it and the Knutsons were a lovely old couple that just needed a little hand holding since they didn’t have anyone else, their kids and grandkids having long ago moved out of state.

“Y/L/N, the dog is probably somewhere in the yard and they don’t even know it. It would mean a lot to them if we respond to let them know we’re taking it seriously. Just go out there, look around, whistle a few times, and if the dog doesn’t come running, then tell them we’ll put flyers up. Open and shut case, trust me.”

You weren’t a violent person by any means. You could certainly hold your own in a fight but that wasn’t the way you preferred to resolve things. But if Hoyt were here in front of you right this second, you would have decked her.

You glared over at Poppernak who was gaping over at you. He seemed just as surprised as you so that made you feel slightly better. At least the whole department hadn’t been in on this. You gave Lee a curt nod and turned to head back to the car, more than done for the day, when you heard a loud gasp from behind you.

“Oh, honey.” You spun around, thinking the worst only to find Marilyn holding a hand over her mouth, her gaze intent on you, while Lee appeared to be struggling to hold in a laugh. You knew it before she even said it. “You are just covered in…in…”

“Dog shit,” Lee finished for his wife and burst out into laughter. Goldie began barking excitedly, almost as if she was trying to laugh along with her owner. She ignored the glare you sent her way and kept on barking. You glanced down and you were indeed covered in the excrement. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Pops hold a closed fist up to his mouth, making a sound that suspiciously sounded like a chuckle and taking a step away from you. You scowled over at him, daring him to join in the laughter. The chuckle morphed into a sudden cough mixed in with a throat clearing, his expression turning sheepish.

Marilyn didn’t laugh, though. “I have some baby wipes,” she offered.

“Thank you,” you grumbled, not able to inject any gratitude into your voice just then. You hoped you didn’t sound too rude. Baby wipes were certainly better than nothing. 

“Of course. I’ll be right back.” Marilyn hurried inside the house and you couldn’t help but continue to glare at the dog who watched you intently, tongue hanging out, not a care in the world, and a gleam in her golden eyes that confirmed for you that she found your predicament just as entertaining as her owner did. You shot her a ferocious glare as you worked to get your jacket off carefully with Poppernak’s help. Seeing the excrement now caked underneath your fingernails, you left out an irritated huff. Hell week indeed.

A/N: This was the image I had in my head of Goldie btw (black fur, yellowish eyes):

This is a full on wolf but definitely the look could fit the hybrid I think, depending on genetics and the dog breed of course.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[twstbookclub]

Hello ! I just read the spins with silver and I cannot tell you how heartwarming it was, if I had to rate 1-10 about how melted my heart it I'd rate it 10/10 HAHAH

If it's okay with the admins, I'd like to request a Silver x GN!Reader where the special moments between them are Silver's most precious memories ! (aka: their first date, first kiss, etc.) it doesn't even have to be the major stuff, it can be the small things in life that he appreciates (maybe reader brewing him a coffee everyday, or him noticing reader's little doodles on his notes and helping him finish them when he accidentally dozes off, etc.)

(this is my first time requesting so please point out any mistakes i did when requesting !)

don't forget to take as much time as y'all's need, as well as prioritizing y'all's health first !!

thank you so much ! :DD

Recaptured Paradise

Summary: Silver takes time to himself to reminisce about the past that lead up to the romance story you both shared now. POV: 2nd Pronouns: Gender Neutral Admin/Writer: Kai⚔️ Tags: Silver, Fluff, Romance, Looking at the past, First memories, Silver looks at the past

Word count: 2,463

A/N: Hello our lovely readers!!! I was very excited to write our first ever request!! I do apologize since it did take a very long time but we did have other projects being done at the same time and there are life events currently, but regardless of that I hope you all enjoy!!!

Silver sat on the couch in the small apartment home that you both shared for a few years now, trying to keep himself awake as he searched through the internet quietly. He was looking for a gift for his partner in marriage, you.

He would take occasional glances at your resting body that used his shoulder as your pillow. "My sleeping beauty," he said quietly to himself with a gentle smile, and his eyes drifted from you to your hand. The ring on your finger twinkled in the moonlight that shone through the windows.

He suddenly started reminiscing when his eyes wandered and landed on your lips, instinctively making him leave a kiss on your head as you slept.

He couldn't help but look back at a few memories. "How did we get here?" He thought, then sat back to remember moments of years past.

The image of your genuine expression when you asked him on a date to the arcade shocked him at the time. Though, it was his fault since he mentioned that he wished to experience something new despite his busy schedule.

"Why don't I take you to an arcade?" He remembered that day as if it was only a few months back. The moment he agreed, your eyes lit up and looked like they held an entire galaxy in them.

"Honestly, I was hoping you'd say yes. I've been wanting to ask you on a date for a while!" Your words caused the entire world to stop, because little did you know at that time, he also wanted to ask you. Though, he never knew how.

You both had met the following day. As both of you ran out of class and down the hall to meet at the courtyard, every student watched, confused as to what was happening. That part didn't matter to either of you. 

Meeting under a tree and staring into each other's eyes felt magical. Straight out of a fairy tale book. You were both laughing at how out of breath you two were from running, and knowing that you had the same idea made the atmosphere sweeter before it even started.

From showing Silver tons of games inside of the arcade building to him winning a stuffed animal out of a crane game, he truly experienced something different that day.

The date was followed by a short walk in the park to watch the sunset. You had insisted on it. It was worth it, because it gave him the chance to confess how fond he was for you.

He still vividly remembers how flustered you were from his sudden confession. He continued to ramble about how surprised he was that he didn't fall asleep halfway through. It was all because he was nervous after pouring unknown emotions out to you the best he could.

Silver smiled to himself at the memory. He couldn't help but remember how you two shared your first kiss.

You snuck out to see him as he patrolled around the Diasomnia grounds late at night. That day, you were convinced to confess your feelings to him, since you were so confused about whether he felt the same for you or not.

He tried to escort you back to the dorm so you weren't caught. You were stubborn enough to stay, but it was so worth it.

"No! I won't go home! I want you to hear what I have to say!"

"Prefect, please–"

"I like you! I have feelings for you! Even before the first date we ever had together! I have to say it now, or I'd give up trying any moment after…"

Those words had shocked him to his core. Deep down, he was so happy to hear them. His facial expression stayed blank as he was overwhelmed with emotion at your words. 

Nonetheless, you had continued, but he was determined to hear it in the morning. Instead, he wanted to send you home. You didn't listen at all though.

"I know you might not like me back, but-" 

Silver had cut you off by giving into his own temptation. His lips were so gently placed on yours, clueless on what to do next. He hoped to get you home, so it was easier to do that in a place where he knew people couldn't catch him.

You were utterly shocked, and you didn't know how else to react. The boy you fell for back during the Spelldrive Tournament was there, and he returned your feelings.

The kiss felt too quick. After Silver broke it off, you could say he was an absolutely flustered mess. You were too, so it felt like a perfect accidental moment.

After that day, that's when you two began dating. Funny enough, neither you nor him asked each other to make it official. Diasomnia students had seen you and Silver that night, and talked about it immediately. Word had spread around like wildfire.

Neither of you complained though, and neither of you noticed until later.

It took everything in Silver not to chuckle at the memory, holding back a laugh at how silly you both were back at the NRC.

Right after that, Silver started to remember the day you graduated. He was nervous around you, but he had a reason. They'd thrown you all a party to celebrate, but all he'd wanted that day was to spend it with you.

Lilia had helped him get a pretty hefty gift for the two of you a few months prior, and he was excited to take you there. The party didn't end until late at night, but he was still focused on showing you this gift since the longer he waited, the more nervous he got.

He'd taken you to an unknown building in a small city near Briar Valley. To your surprise, that building had the apartment you both lived in now.

At that time, the small home was empty, but it had so much potential to hold so many memories for the both of you, as long as you accepted it.

"Silver, what is this place?" 

You were so confused as to why he brought you to an empty apartment, but it was insane to you that night. He let you roam around the place, and by the time you ventured around the last room, you found him on a knee in the middle of the living room. The same spot where he’d sit at the moment of reminiscing. 

“I know that this is sudden and rushed and not as romantic as I hoped, but I don’t think that I can let another second slip by without doing this.” 

Silver was nervous. Your expression then was pure surprise as he continued his speech.

“When I first met you, I only knew loyalty to the only family I knew and had. I was stuck in a constant loop of the same daily routine. The day you asked me out to the arcade, my whole worldview changed, and before I knew it, my loyalty extended to you.”

Silver paused as you had only listened to him. Your body had fallen onto the floor in front of him. Your heart felt heavy as there was a small lump in your throat at that moment.

“I realized that all of my thoughts had been overrun by you, by us. When I’m with you, you keep me awake, and are part of the chain that keeps me tethered to reality. I don’t think life could be the same if it’s not with you. No…”

Silver paused as he took a ring from his pocket, but your reaction to seeing it made his heart race through the entire moment. He knew what ring it was all too well, but you had only a brief understanding of it. He mentioned that the ring had been with him since birth, but that was all. Now, he was proposing with that same ring.

“It wouldn’t be life if every waking moment is not with you accompanied by my side. Not when I’ve grown to love you more than words can say in the past few years. So…”

Silver had called your full name before continuing, his free hand had taken your left hand into his own and held on tightly. He remembered how shaky his voice was by the end of his emotional outburst from the moment.

“Will you do me the honor of letting me be your partner, my spouse, even after death draws our final breaths?”

He let out a sigh of relief as he finished his words. He could only stare at you in anticipation. Your eyes felt teary at all of his words striking your heart in such a warm manner. You smiled at him as you gently squeezed his hand in the empty apartment.

Silver got distracted as you shifted around in your sleep before he could finish the memory. He fixed the blanket on your body when his eyes landed on the door, another memory coming up to him.

This one was the day you both had finally moved into that apartment. Silver helped bring in heavier furniture with the help of Jack and Sebek, even though Sebek was mostly yelling orders to the other two to get everything done a certain way. 

Ace and Deuce were helping take items out of boxes and asking you what rooms they belonged in. Your job was to clean up the place and make sure that nothing went to chaos along with Epel. 

That same day, everything had been moved into the right rooms, the only place set up being the living room. They had agreed to go out to eat since it was still pretty unorganized in their new shared home. 

Afterwards, they’d come back to the door and open it when Silver suddenly scooped you up and carried you inside bridal style. It surprised you as you weren’t married yet, but you could only hold onto him as the sensation was making you laugh at the time.

You two didn't share a room as he felt it wrong to sleep in the same bed regardless of being in a relationship and under the same roof, but it didn't bother you either.

After that moment though, he would leave you on your bed but you didn't let him go. No one had slept by themselves that night, well… not really slept at all. 

Silver snapped back to reality as he felt a small blush come up to his cheeks from the flashbacks. He looked around the room as his eyes stopped on the few pictures that hung up on the wall. Specifically, the one of your wedding day.

The smile on his face was so full of love and genuine care as the memory of the day played in his head, and his arm wrapped around you, gently bringing you closer.

He'd been a nervous wreck that whole day, and you'd been worried that something would ruin it. Though the wedding was small, it was fun for everyone invited. Sebek and Jack were crying together which made you and Silver laugh mid reception.

An afterparty held by all your close friends to celebrate was a big moment for the two of you. They all congratulated your marriage as Jade, Floyd, Leona, and Riddle had become like protective brothers towards you, telling Silver to take care of you more than he already had.

Everyone was great and made the party a night to remember. Once it was over, they all sent you on your way and took care of everything else, giving time for yourselves as they were all ready to say goodbye.

For a so-called "honeymoon", Silver had taken you on a horseback ride through the forest behind NRC, of course with permission from Crowley. The night was so sweet that it felt as if it happened only a few weeks ago.

Since then, the marriage life between the two of you felt just right. You helped make the small place a true home, while he supported you through everything. 

Silver was so in love, and you equally. He stopped his daydreaming when you slowly opened your eyes from your slumber, sitting up and looking around.

"Morning, sleepyhead." Silver said as he gently patted your head, messing up your ready tangled bedhead.

"Sleepyhead…? Right back at you…" You responded with some tiredness behind your voice, adjusting to the moment. "What were you doing while I was asleep?"

Silver smiled with a small chuckle, and took a glance at the ring on your finger. "Nothing much, just looking back at some things from the past."

Your eyebrow raised in confusion but you shook it off, using his shoulder as a pillow again. Silver wrapped his arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to him.

Him mentioning the past made you reminisce as well. This warm embrace of his made you remember other times.

Running through the forest to lay in a quiet spot after and watching the clouds move. Making him a cup of coffee in the morning to get him through at least the morning. You made their home a true home.

Your moment was interrupted as a sound was heard from another room. Your old room since you moved into Silver's once you both began sharing a name.

"Seems like duty calls, doesn't it?" Silver said as he looked at the open door then at you, letting go of your body to rise up from the couch.

"It never will." You responded and got up after him with a big smile, heading off to the room while holding his hand. He followed behind, squeezing your hand out of excitement.

The bassinet in the middle of the room moved slightly as small, happy noises were made. Once seeing your faces, a giggle was heard as Silver took the baby into his hands. He made silly faces and sweet coo's to the little one, getting happy and loud reactions which made him laugh in return.

You watched while leaning at the wall nearby. The sight of Silver being a father was one you loved seeing everyday, and you were happy with all that happened so far.

Your actions stopped as you caught him looking at you, a cheery smile on his face as he said the words "I love you!" in a sweet voice as if he was speaking as his child.

You laughed and stepped closer, taking the baby into your arms and kissing Silver on his cheek as a thanks. "And I love you too." Silver said, making you freeze in place. 

You smiled and leaned onto Silver as he wrapped his arms around you, placing a soft kiss on your head.

"I love you both."

[dolphyn]

I’ve been following the development of yandere simulator from the sidelines for years and years, since nearly the beginning of the project. I don’t know that I ever considered myself an actual “fan” considering I never actually played the game or joined the fandom— I really just watched the development videos, read the posts on the development blog and checked up on it from time to time out of curiosity because I found the concept of the game itself morbidly intriguing as well as being interested by such an open development process. And every few months I would remember it existed and check back to see how far along it was, growing ever more amazed with every passing year that it still wasn’t even close to being finished.

I would also check out the game’s official website and was fascinated by the debunk page the dev put up. It seemed so odd and out of place and full of the most ridiculous things. What were people looking into the game for the first time supposed to think upon seeing an extensive page full of weird drama like that, running into it on the official game website?

I still found the game concept interesting, even if I knew I myself would never play it. I knew I would probably watch letsplays of it to sate my curiosity if it ever came out. And so I was ambivalent about the dev himself because I could pretty easily separate him from my casual interest in the game. I thought of him as a guy with some interesting ideas who was really really really bad at planning and prioritizing and delegation and receiving criticism and dealing with hate… and though I didn’t admire him, I felt sympathy for him. Nobody’s perfect, right? And I still do think people that did things like send him pictures of gore and animal abuse or told him to kill himself were doing unforgivable things for petty enjoyment.

And so while I took a lot of his debunking with a grain of salt and eye rolling when it was obvious he was in the wrong despite frustrating circumstances pushing him to say stupid things, I also figured it wasn’t that big a deal and everyone was getting up in arms over things that ultimately didn’t matter. And when I would see YandereDev hate crop up, discussing the long development time, his inefficient code, his continued Patreon earnings… I rolled my eyes at that too, figuring that people were piling on some ultimately harmless dude who was taking forever to release a game he was letting people play for free so it didn’t really matter. Again, as I was really only a casual observer from the sidelines, I didn’t look deeply into anything and I simply made assumptions.

I don’t even know what compelled me to visit the development blog this week, but I was immediately met with his “I’m Sorry” blog post, which obviously caught my attention— as I’m sure it caught the attention of thousands of people just like me who only had a casual interest in the game and developer and held a neutral stance on the guy himself.

I read it. I’d read tons of his debunking and drama-addressing posts over the years where he went over all the intricacies of whatever latest thing he’d been accused of and pointed the blame elsewhere. But this was different. He was sorry, he was taking accountability, he was admitting that he screwed up and did something so horribly wrong that it was costing him all his volunteers and supporters. This was huge. This is undoubtedly the final nail in the coffin for the game at last.

But of course, as I read it, I thought “wow, that’s terrible. But at least he finally had the guts to own up to it and really apologize, which is more than most people in his position do— and more than he’s ever done in the past when addressing controversies. Sucks for him that a mistake like that ruined all these long years of work… but at least he seems to realize it was his own doing, and hopefully now he can get some help and change for the better, blah blah blah”.

Basically, exactly the reaction he was hoping to draw from neutral parties like me. He presented everything so perfectly. Admitting right off the bat that he messed up. Explaining the situation and interjecting to remind the audience that what he did was not okay despite the justifications he found himself making. Making a large donation with the caveat that he knew it didn’t erase what he did and that actions speak louder than words. And then linking to the victim’s statement she made stating that she approached him, that she does not feel traumatized, and that the video accusing him was posted against her wishes and she thinks that everything got blown out of proportion.

With no further context than that, it’s a pretty cut and dry case, right? He made a huge mistake, owned up to it, made a sizable donation, and the victim wasn’t a victim at all and the one making the callout in the first place was disrespecting and hurting the victim by posting whatever video it was he was referring to. But there’s no need to watch the video because he already explained himself thoroughly in the blog post. And anyway, searching for the video and watching it will only fuel the flames and make things worse for the victim!

And so anyone reading that post, who had not heard of any of the allegations beforehand, would obviously come away from it thinking YandereDev made the mistake of becoming platonic friends with a 16 year old girl and invited her to group voice chats where he and his adult friends made inappropriate jokes with each other, never really considering the implications of the 16 year old in their midst hearing their jokes. And that the girl’s friends pressured her into releasing a manipulative video on a drama channel that took his jokes out of context in order to gain clout and take down a guy they hated for the views. And that these fake friends manipulated her and disrespected her wishes and ruined her life and are the real villains of this whole story. Because YandereDev took accountability and apologized and admitted it was all true.

He did this expecting that everyone who saw the blog post first would not seek out the video. Because you would be horrible if you did, right? The victim didn’t want it out there! And anyway, Dev already admitted to making these jokes and agreed that it wasn’t okay! So there’s no point in watching the video unless, of course, you’re morbidly curious about what exactly he said that was being construed as so bad that all his volunteers and voice actors are finally cutting ties with him for good.

Well, I was morbidly curious.

And despite feeling guilty for seeking out the video that the victim apparently didn’t want out there, I found myself searching for it anyway. And I found it immediately. And upon clicking it, several things became immediately obvious.

YandereDev said it was made by a drama YouTuber, but one look at her channel told me she was a gaming YouTuber and scrolling through her videos, it was obvious that she had never posted anything like this before. So already, I had been misled on one point. Then upon reading the pinned comment, it became obvious that the video had, at one point, been taken down by the victim’s request… and then reuploaded also at her request. The victim had changed her mind and now supported the video, which YandereDev did not see fit to update his blog readers on, happy to let them continue believing that the victim did not support the callout and didn’t want anyone seeing the video. So now, relieved of my guilt and suspicious of these two counts of manipulation on YandereDev’s part that became immediately obvious upon a few seconds of research, I watched the video.

And it’s amazing how having the full context of a situation can make you do a complete 180.

Upon watching the video, hearing the voice chats for myself, and— most damning— reading the Snapchat logs… it was incredibly obvious that YandereDev had completely downplayed and misrepresented the situation to put himself in a less heinous light. Because it’s one thing to make the mistake of letting a teenager overhear you and your friends make some dirty jokes together because you consider them a platonic friend who’s “one of the guys”— which is how he described the situation on his blog. It’s another thing entirely to have a private voice chat with a 16 year old girl (who is implicitly high on presumably marijuana and unable to legally consent to anything— regardless of age) and repeatedly call her cute (unprompted), tell her that she’s hot because she’s skinny (unprompted), ask if she wants to take your virginity, repeatedly ask in a teasing tone if you’re a “bad guy” for talking to her that way, and then (unprompted) go on a long ramble about how puberty sexualizes minors and implicitly say that it’s okay for people to find children sexy as soon as they begin developing breasts and wide hips because that’s how nature works. Which he did not mention on his blog post.

What he also did not mention were the Snapchat logs where he was again having a completely private conversation with a 16 year old girl completely devoid of these “guys” that she was apparently “one of”. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that being attracted to a 17 year old was 96% okay and acceptable. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that it would be erotic if she sent him videos of herself dressing/undressing. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that if she sent nudes to him that he would keep them a secret. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl who was offering to send him nude photos that he couldn’t explicitly ask for her to send him nudes, but that he liked hot ladies, wink wink. He did not mention that he privately told a 16 year old girl that he was not emotionally available for a romantic relationship and that the only thing he could get out of their continued correspondence were photos of her for him to masturbate to.

But, you know. Those are the exact same sorts of jokes he probably makes with all his 30-something guy friends all the time, right? I can just picture him telling his goofy man friends that it would be erotic if they sent him videos of themselves undressing for him to masturbate to. Goofy jokes! He pals around with his friends like that all the time, and it’s really no different that he said the same things to a 16 year old girl! He wasn’t even thinking about the implications of such goofy silly jokes! Which is why he repeatedly brought up her age and promised to keep things a secret and responded to her concerns about child porn and mentioned that if she kept screenshots of the conversation she could use them to condemn him someday! Silly jokes he did not realize the implications of!

So by this time I’m obviously horrified, right? As any normal human being would be. Sick to my stomach that I almost rolled my eyes and went on with my day thinking YandereDev was a flawed person who ultimately wanted to make up for a dumb mistake he made that could have happened to anybody— exactly what he hoped I would do. And then I got to the part where he started begging the victim not to let the video get released.

And that was the most damning of all. It’s sickly funny how he linked to the victim’s Reddit statement where she showed screenshots of Ally begging her to go through with the video, calling her words disgusting and manipulative. Even if Ally WAS being manipulative… you only need to compare it to what YandereDev said to the victim to see how night and day it is. I’m not gonna pretend anybody in this situation is 100% perfectly blameless and made perfect decisions… but there is somebody who is very clearly MORE in the wrong. To the point where he was coaching her on what to say to her friends, weaponizing her status as the victim. Did he seriously not understand the irony of telling her to say “It is my right as the victim and what I say goes, no questions asked”? I don’t even need to go into any of it because all you have to do is watch it and everything becomes disgustingly crystal clear.

Which is why YandereDev didn’t want anybody to watch it. Because anybody that did would come to the correct conclusion that he’s a disgusting predator. But he couldn’t stop the video from coming out and he knew it was impossible to deny the truth of the recordings… and he did damage control in the most effective way he could. When his last-ditch desperate effort to manipulate the victim into stopping the video from coming out failed, he had to issue an apology. And it had to be a good one. One that was good enough that nobody would look further into the situation. One that was good enough that people wouldn’t bother to search for the video and hear the recordings and see his words for themselves. One that made himself out to be a guy who made a stupid mistake— a mistake easy to sympathize with and understand— that he was horrified by and taking full accountability for. And once people see that, they take him at his word. After all, he clearly has nothing to hide considering he admitted to it, right?

Thank god for morbid curiosity.

Anyway… all of this to say that because of my experience, I felt like all his fans and supporters who were fooled by him deserved to know the full truth and come to their own conclusions like I did. After all, you look through the comments on his blog post and they’re full of people who were just like me: disappointed, but ultimately respecting that he owned up to his mistake and believing he can get better, so they’re still supporting him. People who want to believe the best in others. People who believe people can change. People who dislike cancel culture. People who ultimately have good intentions. People who I think would change their tunes real quick if they actually saw the video.

And so, after years of following the blog from the sidelines, I finally made my first post, making sure to word it as neutrally as possible and in a way that would get even blind supporters to consider the idea:

“I believe that most of the people in this comment section— and browsing the comments without leaving any themselves— are good people. That they are sympathetic and empathetic and ultimately want to do the right thing and make the right calls. I believe that of most people in general. I think it’s a noble thing to forgive when you’ve been wronged. Of course, none of us have been personally wronged in this situation, so it is not actually up to us to do any forgiving, only to pass judgment for ourselves and make decisions as to how we personally feel and wish to proceed.

So to anyone reading this comment: I believe that, most likely, you consider yourself a reasonable, rational, independent individual who is able to look at all the facts of a situation and come to your own conclusions independently. And so you’ve read this apology and you’ve also likely looked at the screenshots he linked of the victim’s statement and drawn your conclusions from there.

But if you really want to consider yourself truly informed— If you really want to be sure you have all the facts so nobody can try and upset you by claiming you don’t know what’s going on— I strongly encourage you to watch the video he is referring to and listen to the voice recordings and read the Snapchat logs for yourself. Even if it is only to confirm for yourself that the video is indeed edited in a manipulative way and so you can find more out about this mysterious YouTuber who uploaded it and draw your own conclusions as to why she did it. I encourage you to watch it in its entirety, as I am sure you read YandereDev’s apology in its entirety. It is likely that many who have seen the video have not bothered to read YandereDev’s response or read the victim’s Reddit comments. If only to get a leg up on such people, I encourage everyone here to see for themselves what the other side of this situation is saying. Only then will you be able to decide fully for yourself to put your support behind YandereDev and his game. If you come to this conclusion independently upon seeing all sides of the situation, it will only serve to make your support all the stronger. Of course, there is a chance that upon seeing all the evidence, you may also independently decide that you do not accept the apology and wish to withdraw your support. You will never know unless you watch the video and know the situation in its entirety instead of only seeing part of the conversation. I believe none of you willingly want to be part of an echo chamber.

He did not link to the video, but the one he is referring to is by a YouTuber named AllyMcC. She does not appear to be a drama YouTuber, but appears to be a gaming YouTuber. As far as I can tell, this is the only video of this nature she has ever posted on this particular channel, having only posted LetsPlays before this. The video was taken down at the request of the victim, but then put back up also by request of the victim if the screenshots she provided in the pinned comment can be believed. So if you are worried you are harming the victim by watching the video, it seems that she no longer disapproves of the video and now supports it. The video is called “The New Allegations and Evidence Against YandereDev”. It is easy to find through YouTube’s search function.

YandereDev admits here in this post that everything he said aloud and typed as shown in this video is real. In his edit discussing fake screenshots, he seems to be referring to ones cropping up in other videos discussing the situation such as a Discord screenshot of his discussions with a 12 year old involving her period, which has been proven to be fake. Another one you might see in other videos is one where he suggests giving people free merch if they provide him with nude photographs, which has also been proven to be fake. Neither of these false screenshots are used in AllyMcC’s video. Everything in her video was admitted here in this very blog post to be real things that he said, including the Snapchat logs. If the Snapchat logs were fake, I believe wholeheartedly that YandereDev would have mentioned it here, as he is historically very thorough about debunking anything he didn’t actually say. If you believe his apology, then you must also believe his admission that he really said everything showcased in the video.

All of that said, I again encourage anyone reading this comment that has not watched the video to look into it and come to your own conclusion for your own peace of mind one way or another. The only way truth can prevail is by looking at every single piece of evidence provided so that falsehoods can be sorted out. Please watch the video and read the entirety of YandereDev’s blog post. Only then will you have the full story. There is obviously a lot of nuance to the situation and many shades of grey, but I believe that people deserve to see everything and sort out for themselves how they feel. Neither YandereDev nor AllyMcC can tell you how you feel or what action to take, or whether to forgive or not to forgive, support or not support. Only you can, by making a fully informed decision.

I hope this comment is not deleted, as it is only meant to encourage the readers of this blog to see the situation in its entirety and independently decide how they feel from there.”

My comment never made it past moderation. I suppose it makes sense. The whole point of the blog post was worded very specifically to manipulate readers into NOT searching for the video and coming to their own conclusions… so a comment actively encouraging this could not ever be allowed lest YandereDev lose the few supporters he has left. If you look through the comments that DID survive moderation, you will see they are uniformly supportive. Many of them express that they are disappointed, that what he did was wrong… but ultimately they’re glad he apologized and hope the game can continue and that they understand everyone makes mistakes and can move on from them. Of the current 377 comments on the blog that haven’t been censored, not a single one of them provides any indication that the commenter watched the video, and that they took YandereDev’s blog post and his link to the victim’s Reddit thread at complete face value. However, there are comments expressing that somebody should make an exposé on ALLY to show how manipulative SHE is… which is hilarious, as that would involve watching her video. So I hope people see that comment and think “I should do that, I better gather evidence” and end up watching the video and seeing the context they missed.

Anyway, this has been long and rambling, but this whole thing has been swirling around in my head for the past 3 days and I really just needed to get it all out. Moral of the story is… It’s important to do your research, people. No matter how much you think you know, no matter how little you think you can learn from someone you’re positive you won’t agree with, it always pays to get all sides of a story before committing to a position.

[eldritchcreatureofwords]

So, your opinions on Arcane's finale?

Mixed. Strongly mixed. I adore a lot of what was given to us. I also feel like you could FEEL how much they had to cut out, leaving a ton of unsatisfactory plot lines and things that felt unresolved. Where the fuck did Jayce and Viktor go? Why was Ekko basically forgotten about except for his one little paper burning moment? They wrote Jinx going from 100 to 0 way too quickly imo, and the descent into suicidal depression just felt kind of out of left field.

Mel gave off huge creator's pet/sue vibes. Everything that happened to her happened in a bubble and then she just- pops back to reality, badass and super charged and she's a mage now??? But no one is even a LITTLE concerned about that??? There was zero (0) reason for Jinx to be written off/die. It felt like emotional manipulation of the viewer or that they thought if they didn't kill her off we wouldn't be satisfied. And yeah, I'm gonna say it- I don't think any of the LoL/LoR protagonists should have been killed off. It felt like it was purely for shock value. ZOMG, THEY KILLED WARWICK/JINX!!!!!! Hell, the entire kick-off of Viktor's villain arc felt forced and absurd; Jayce, without even trying anything else, just fucking kills Viktor? (Or tries to?) Sacrifices dozens of not hundreds of lives? Yes, I get he's kinda nuts at the moment but like- it felt very out of character.

I think my biggest complaint is that it feels like mid-way through they decided to give us a different show entirely then the one Season 1 set us up for. We went into a show about people, about their relationships with each other and mistakes, their losses and loves, and we ended on a show with a Gainex save-the-world ending where, honestly, very few of their actions or sacrifices mattered at all and everyone just kind of- lost the people they love for what felt like very preventable reasons. I'm also mad as hell that Vi's trauma was largely still unaddressed. They even had a Goddamn ptsd/bookends moment with her locked in fucking Stillwater and the most we got was a wall punch. ALL THAT SAID!!!!!! I did like and appreciate a lot of this season. Heimerdinger and Ekko and their little side-quest broke my heart. The 'Vi's death brings about a better world for everyone she loves' was just soul crushing, even moreso when you realize she would have happily accepted that if she knew. The shipper in me is THRILLED at all my 'yes's', even the ones that hurt, like Jayvik. The CaitVi payoff was fantastic. I loved watching Maddie get a fucking bullet to the dome. Served the bitch right. The fights, as ever, were fantastic. The music was fantastic. The animation was beautiful. There was a TON to love about this season, and overall BOTH seasons' strength far and away out stripped the flaws. If I went into everything I loved about the season, this would get even longer then it already is, so I'm gonna cut it here. But overall? 8.5/10 season, I'm not thrilled but it was good food overall.

[herrscherofmagic]

does anyone else get that weird feeling when you can look at a bajillion different art styles and go "yeah that's neat! love it! so cool!" and then as soon as you do absolutely any of your own drawing, there's just a constant alarm going off in your head saying "THIS IS INCORRECT AND IF YOU DON'T FIX IT, IT WILL LOOK TERRIBLE AND ANATOMICALLY INACCURATE" despite it being nothing different from all those other art styles you see and love??? like "uncanny valley" but w/ all your own artwork and almost all the time

like I was just thinking about this, because there's lots of awesome artists I follow on Instagram & Tumblr that have interesting styles that don't necessarily follow real-life human proportions. It's often different variants of anime art but that's not always the case, and across pretty much all these different styles you have different things like how the contours of the face are (i.e. chin, cheeks), or the size/spacing of eyes, or the way the mouth is drawn

but it's just occurred to me that whenever I draw, there's pretty much always a constant nagging feeling, that I have to fix every anatomical or rendering mistake and if I don't then it just won't look "right", and that's one of the biggest things that stops me from completing 99% of my art

like earlier today I posted a 10-minute sketch, and it was obviously not "good anatomy"- it was pure vibes, just drawing what felt right in the moment and immediately posting it without trying to correct anything at all. and as soon as I did it, it hit me- that was probably the first time I've ever just created a piece of art for fun with virtually zero concern about "accuracy". Everything else I ever work on is always constantly drawn-out and changed and modified endlessly because it never feels "correct" and I don't feel like I can proceed with it.

today I've spent more than 3 hours just practicing how to draw heads, and it was the same thing. I was doing okay, but it took ages to get through even the simple parts like drawing straight from an anatomy ref. and it drives me insane not just because of perfectionism or whatever... but the fact that there's not a single "correct" human figure.

There's a ton of natural variation in how people appear, that's why we're all unique ffs! Different people have differently-shaped faces, their noses look different, their cheeks are different, their foreheads can be different, the wrinkles or freckles or eyebrows or eye shape or X Y Z are all varied and unique among different people.

Of course there are certain basic proportions and principles, you don't put someone's eyes on the back of their head, but I know all the basic proportions at this point and I've made a ridiculous amount of figure drawings both live and from photo, quite literally hundreds of drawings ranging from 1-3 minute gestures all the way to 1-, 2-, 3-hour-long works.

So why is it that no matter who or what I draw there's always that piercing & uncanny feeling? that i'm never able to capture a likeness of someone whether real or fictional, whether I'm trying to draw realistically or stylized?? it feels like I'm still getting something fundamentally wrong all the time even when I've studied all the basics and so much more, and even when my own professors look at what I do and say it's correct.

it's probably the autism, since there's a ton of other things in life where I appreciate predictability and uniformity and certainty. math problems have correct answers, essays can have certain types of analysis, machines can be described in terms of mechanical principles. But art isn't like that, and I've had similar issues w/ my art classes before, I just never quite thought of it from this specific perspective. I knew I struggled with open-endedness in projects, but this feels like something even deeper and more infuriating than that >.>

going back to that sketch, I can look at it and see obvious simple mistakes that I didn't bother to fix because I kept it strictly to 10 minutes. the chin is an obvious one, for instance, and the eyes could be better too. but I don't want to go back to that artwork, partially because it's just a 10-min sketch and it's not really anything that profound, but also partially because even though I know I can make it better I'm scared that as soon as I start messing with it I'll never be able to look at it comfortably ever again because it'll always feel incorrect. Not incorrect because I didn't care but incorrect despite me caring so much. which feels so much worse than just making a silly mistake when you're drawing normally.

[rottenbrainstuff]

BG3 playthrough - Parting thoughts

Massive spoilers:

I’ve now had some time for the ending to percolate through the grey matter, gotten over feeling sad that my first playthrough is over. I’ve started playing with my second tav, a tiefling paladin, and you know what, I’m already noticing little tweaks they’ve made to the dialogues. Like, nothing significant, but little polishes here and there. For instance: I always remember when I first met Asharak (the fight practice teacher) and he said to the kids, look who’s here! I thought he was talking about ME, look, it’s the hero who just showed up at our gate and fought off the goblins! Oh man I thought that was so cute. I was a bit disappointed when I finally realized he meant WYLL, not ME. They adjusted the dialogue so now it’s much more clear that Asharak is introducing Wyll to the kids. Little things like that. I can’t wait to see all the things that got finessed.

Man. It took me seven months to finish my first playthrough. I dunno how everyone finished the game so quickly, my final recorded time was like 200 hours. (granted this did involve several hours of backtracking to fix various mistakes) Initially I assumed I would never play BG3, because I don’t have a PC or a non-nintendo console or anything. It was fun to watch everyone talk about the game even when I had no ability to play it. I think I mentioned this a million times already, but this game was released for mac coincidentally the exact same weekend I got a terminal cancer diagnosis for my cat that I’d had for 13 years. (she’s still doing ok btw) It was so amazing to have something to distract myself with and cheer myself up with after getting that shitty news. I binged it for about four days straight, barely sleeping at all. It was the first big, brand new, non-nintendo game that I’d played in… like… decades, seriously. I was so blown away by the quality of everything. Came here for the funny mean vampire, stayed here for the… absolutely everything else.

I am really glad that I kept a character journal as I played - like, along with the notes I was keeping about game mechanics (because online guides are super shit), I would also write down little thoughts and observations from the perspective of my tav. I always have this record of my playthrough now, and I think it’s really helped me to preserve my thoughts and reactions.

Neil Newbon came to my city’s comic expo last weekend and I was absolutely broadsided by what a smart, nice, and humble guy he is. Isn’t it just such an AMAZING feeling to be a fan of something, then get to know the people who made that thing and find out they’re nice people? I… I don’t know what’s wrong with my brain, but I’m a bit glad I finished my first playthrough before the expo, because I feel… embarrassed somehow?... to be thirsting so much after characters now that I’ve chatted with the guy in real life and he’s talked to my kids? Isn’t that weird? Why is my brain doing that? It’s not like he cares. Very much no. Neil has an amazing sense of humour about it all. Weird brain stuff. Weird. What can I say.

Anyways, I was thinking about a summary of my favourite moments:

1) Cambian fight on the nautiloid. So like I said, I hadn’t played any big, new non-nintendo games in a while. (I mean Nintendo makes good games! But like. A game like Animal Crossing… isn’t… quite the same, you know?) I was wandering around the ship feeling quite blown away by how fancy games have gotten. I was marvelling at the graphics, the gameplay, the tension of the whole situation, and then I get to this fight and that absolute fucking BANGER of a song that is Twisted Force starts playing, that was when I really realized like shit, this game is going to be an EXPERIENCE.

2) Alfira’s dark urge death. I was exposed to a ton of spoilers for this game before I ever touched it so I knew a lot of the main story beats, thoroughly. With Alfira, I did know that the dark urge kills a bard, but for some bizarre reason, the only clips I had seen were of that dragonborn alternative that you get if you cheat and Alfira is unavailable. So I was already at the grove, exploring around, and I absolutely fell in love with the tiefling NPCs, and THEN I discovered it’s actually HER who dies. I was DEVASTATED. I was so attached to the tieflings - both myself as a player, and my tav as well - this was the first settlement of people he found, post-brain-scramble, the first people who were being kind to him, and they needed help so bad, and he wanted so bad to protect them… and here is this awful thing that he does that I can’t avoid. AUGH.

3) The siege on the Emerald Grove. It continues to mystify me that this path is actually a bit hidden in the game, and if you aren’t paying attention you will be herded into just killing the three goblin leaders to resolve things, which is such a massively less interesting path. (perhaps they’ve made the option more obvious with patches? I will see) I loved the tension of the morning before the attack: everyone’s fear really bolstered my desire to win the fight with zero casualties. I loved how, due to my familiarity with the NPCs, I instantly realized that Mattis wasn’t with the other kids and searched all over the place, legit worried, until I found him up by the gate still trying to make a buck, lol. I loved how when they mentioned people had ran off in the night, I knew exactly who wasn’t there and who it had to be. It really made me realize how much I’d got to know the NPCs. Zevlor gets two amazing cutscene speeches, and the fight itself was so freaking fun. I mean it certainly wasn’t the hardest fight in the game at all, but I think it remains one of my favourites, due to all the different moving parts and the planning it involved. It was so goddamned fun getting to use the explosives I had saved up, and I never really had the chance to rig up a battlefield the same way again.

4) Lenore’s tower, and the whole underdark in general. I found it all so lonely, and Lenore’s tower really got to me. I think I shed some tears. I loved the area with the giant sussur tree, I thought it was so beautiful, I took so many screenshots of it. I know if you’re a dark urge your upbringing is… unconventional, but I still imagine that my drow durge has spent a lot of time in the underdark and generally considers it home-ish, so it was neat to see it and think about how this is his home turf.

5) Moonrise and especially the mind flayer colony underneath. This was really where things just started to get interesting for a durge, you start to get the first reveals of your backstory. For a resisting urge, it’s extremely unsettling. Meeting Kressa Bonedaughter was especially horrible. I hadn’t really spoiled a lot of the details of the durge plot, so most of this was a surprise to me. JK Simmons did a great job as Ketheric - I remember being so incredibly curious how he was going to sound, but it worked so well, and as I have noted previously, they spend ridiculous care rendering his sad old man eyes.

6) Gortash’s coronation. Again as a dark urge, this is an important plot beat, I think the last big backstory reveal? Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, not only do you have these horrible murderous urges, not only do you have this nasty little butler man trying to force you to kill people, not only did something horrible happen to you that wiped clean all your memories and turned you into a necromancer’s cute little pet for a while, NOT ONLY ARE YOU A GODDAMNED BHAALSPAWN and the leader of the goddamned Bhaal cult, NOT ONLY ALL OF THIS, NO, that wasn’t enough, oh no: now you learn you were also one of the original architects of the Absolute plot, removed only when Orin saw an opportunity to displace you. Dammmmn. Your companions all react to this information appropriately, so in other words, negatively. Karlach’s reaction is particularly strong, understandably, and hurt my heart. To balance that out a bit, you have Astarion’s reaction, which was… to thank you. If you hadn’t put this plot into motion, he wouldn’t have been abducted by the mindflayers, and wouldn’t have been rescued from Cazador’s control and given the means to resist his commands. 200 years of praying to every god, but it was you that saved him. I had honestly never even considered that, so that was… surprising! Really, really surprising.

7) Comparing spawn and ascendant Astarion - I didn’t play much with ascended Astarion, just spent a little time progressing through the next batch of cut scenes, just so I could see. I was really impressed to see the difference in the two characters, the difference in the writing, the difference in the performance. I enjoyed the visceral negative reaction I had to AA almost immediately, when we had our first camp chat post-ascension, and he SHOUTED at me when I was responding to him with… not even an angry or rude response, but just, a less-than-enthusiastic response. It was like ice water down my back, instantly taking me back to dealing with my abusive ex. I know everyone has a different and highly personal reaction to AA and I think that’s great, and I enjoyed how viscerally negative my reaction was. It’s fun when a thing makes you feel stuff! And I loved spawn Astarion, and how honest and vulnerable he is in his third act romance, thinking about his whole character arc and growth through the game.

8) Rescuing Minsc. It’s a bit of a long daunting set of steps to get Minsc, and I didn’t find it very fun tbh, but I did it anyways because I have to complete everything. I was fully expecting him to sit around camp and never be used, like Halsin and Jaheira are for me unfortunately, (sorry guys) but I was really unprepared for how funny he was going to be. I don’t really like ranger class (also sorry) so when I found out he can still summon Boo even if you respec him, I made him a barbarian, and kept him on my team as much as I could. He is now my second favourite companion to have with me after only Astarion. He has SUCH funny dialogue. I like that you can attempt to start a romance with him and he’s not having any of it. He even gets the opportunity to say a very touching speech as you gather your allies, if you let him.

9) Durge vs Orin fight. The actual fight itself was kind of pitiful, which I thought was sad for her, but it was a startling moment in the lead-up when she briefly changed into me and I actually heard my own tav speaking, like, more than just a little reaction line here and there, I got to actually see my tav speaking. I don’t know. I don’t know why that was such a neat thing to me but it was. Since this playthrough took so long, I really got attached to my tav, I guess.

10) Gather your allies. Ah, the big summary that I needed of all the people I’ve helped and made friends with, all saying something nice about me, haha. Not gonna lie, I reloaded and watched this a couple of times cause it made me so happy.

I’m so glad Larian made an epilogue, with so many sweet little details in it. I’m so happy I had a chance to play this. I don’t have a huge amount of current mutuals who are also fans, and my IRL peeps for some reason are absolutely refusing to finish this game, so please if you want to fangirl (fanperson?) about anything just start talking to me, I’m kind of starving over here!

[nosetoons]

Is it me or does like very few stuff on Netflix I love/really like that have already been either cancelled or overshadowed isn't really worth the $16 a month? No, Squid Game doesn't count.

I miss The Midnight Gospel forever and always. But at least now I don't have to fork over money to a company that only cares about popularity because someone on eBay literally made a bootleg DVD that contains all 8 episodes of this show. And I would rather pay $25 once for a DVD I can watch over and over for free from now on than pay $16 a month for stuff Netflix ignores.

I'm not usually vocal about piracy and bootlegging, because that just seems to be the thing most people do because "skurew da compahnii" but the thing is this, Netflix isn't losing money. They're a billionaire company just like the rest. And they flat out refuse to do physical media copies of their own stuff unless they can outsource it to other home media distributors.

That being said, Netflix fumbling the bag for one of my all-time favorite shows is one mistake I can't forget, nor honestly forgive. It makes it even worse they straight up told its co-creator Duncan Trussell that they were happy with the show when it premiered. Fucking two-face liar. If anything TV show cancellations are very confusing to me. Because the thing is Netflix is a multi-billionaire company, if the show wasn't successful for them, they have like all the other shows that are super successful, why not put some of the money they earned from that one successful show to give to the people to work on a new season for that show, specifically for those fans. Not every show on there needs to be on the line like Squid Game, Stranger Things, or in animated terms, Big Mouth. Like at this point, what was even the point of opening up the animation division if you're not going to let the artists and animators in the division have their projects take off by letting it just die after one or two seasons? It makes no sense.

Not like it matters anymore, because it seems like to me Netflix's future of adult animation wants to line up with Fox's adult animation lineup; just nothing but soulless adult animated sitcoms. It's not even just Family Guy clones anymore. It's just the goofy quirky character goes on stupid adventures and says "fuck" and "shit" and there's TONS OF NUDITY AND POP CULTURE REFERENCES HAHAHA. It doesn't even help the fact Netflix's most recent adult cartoon is resulting in the company being boycotted by Black people because they thought using BLACK STEREOTYPES was a great way to make a show for black people. Meanwhile, shows like Midnight Gospel and Inside Job are left rotting away because Netflix didn't give it a chance but are literally looking for ways to make the next Big Mouth.

In other words, if you are wanting to do a cartoon, avoid both Netflix and Warner Bros. Discovery. They're not into animation for passion, they're in it to make a quick buck.

Anyways, here's my annual doodle for the show's 4th anniversary. Again, I know it's long gone, but it's still an amazing show that I highly recommend even if it's only 8 episodes. If you don't have Netflix, just buy the DVD off of eBay. It's worth the 25 bucks.

Happy 4th Anniversary, The Midnight Gospel! 2020-2024

[otakween]

Digital Monster ver. S - Final Thoughts

Wow, another game that took me exactly a week to beat, how punctual of me! So that's another 10-15 hours in the bucket, not bad at all. This game is ~special~ because it's the first digimon game to ever be released (not including v-pets). It came out in 1998 for the Sega Saturn and was never translated. As such, it's really not that popular and I couldn't find a ton of guidance on how to beat it. To make matters worse, Sega Saturn games do not emulate well. If you look closely, you'll see that all of my screenshots have ugly lines on them. The sound was also hit-or-miss, sometimes cutting out or making terrible screechy noises. None of that was disruptive enough for me to give up though. I persevered and ended up having a lot of fun!

The best guide for this game (as far as I know) is in Japanese. Google translate + some Japanese knowledge are recommended to fully benefit from it.

Notes:

-This gave me some Digimon World 1 flashbacks. I ended up with Numemon as my first champion and for awhile there it felt like I would never get a good digimon. The way to the success in this game (just like in DW1) ended up being gym upgrades which made digimon rearing a LOT less painful. Unfortunately, I didn't really stick around to get the coolest digimon. My best efforts yielded me: Vademon, Birdramon, Leomon, and a Devimon at the end there.

-The main objective in this game, earning 5 medals from the different arenas, ended up being pretty easy. You can definitely get by with a champion level, which is what I did for 3 out of 5 medals. Of course I also did some save scumming, because this is another RNG-rather-than-skill based game. If you don't cheat a lil, you're just meaninglessly prolonging the game imo. Sometimes I ended up winning against big bosses without even needing save states, so yeah. Not super challenging.

-The "bonus" objective, I guess, would be to tame all possible digimon in the game (70 in total) which involves some jogress-ing too? I ain't doing that for multiple reasons. Number 1: I already did it in Digimon World and it took a million years WITH a guide. Number 2: I couldn't find a guide on how to trigger certain digivolutions for this one. I know it follows the v-pet logic, but I'm really not sure how the care mistakes/training rules work. Number 3: It doesn't seem like it would be very rewarding. There's really not much going on post-final boss in this one. Same as with Anode/Cathode, why should I care that I have these cool digimon if there's nothing I can do with them?

-The best part of this game was definitely the UI! So nostalgic, so 90s, so immersive! I especially loved the "Net" portion with email and the little Botamon mini-game. I love email replying mechanics. Very Dot Hack. Also, the Japanese was very easy to understand which is a plus.

-The digimon are so cute in this game. The little squeaky noise they make when they're happy, their different sleep animations (the plant digimon go underground or sleep in pots!), the joy when you give them their favorite food. So many great little touches. I guess the one thing that would be nice about taming them all would be seeing all the different animations. Maybe I'll just look those up lol.

-Definitely some frustration with digimon dying abruptly and digimon not digivolving as I expected. I worked hard getting my Leomon to 15 battles (the requirement for Ultimate level) and he still died! I honestly have no idea why and feel cheated out of a Megadramon.

-The final boss was legitimately a LadyDevimon named "Nice Body" and my reward for defeating her was a "sexy" wallpaper (displayed in one of the screenshots above). Lol

-The internet and shopping tracks were very nice. The internet one almost sounds like lofi

-I can see how this game would seem amazing if you're coming from the v-pet. You can raise 4 digimon at once, which feels super efficient, even compared to DW1. Between this and the Wonderswan ver. I'm feeling less motivated to buy a v-pet because it's basically the same thing but lower quality. (Although that might be kinda fun).

-I felt bad about abandoning my remaining digis (like my Neopets and my Nintendogs lol), but I left them with robots to take care of them, so at least there's that.

Honestly with the context of this game being so old and having the goal of being an enhanced v-pet, I think it achieved that mission very nicely. I'm wavering between a 6 and a 7, so I'll give this a 6.5 out of 10.

[robotawakey]

was talking about gunpla today (kinda openenedly to a server because noone there makes gunpla or anything) and thought i should paste some of it here because it ended up being relevant to like thoughs for the future or something and i haven't had much else to post recently

yeah it's [making gunpla] fun though!!! it's a super nice way to kill time that still feels productive because i have something tangible at the end and i like robots and it gives me an opportunity to listen to music and sit there and work on something for myself without expectations of me idk i feel like expectations of me play such a huge part in how i feel a lot of the time even if they don't actually expect much of me i will play it upeven in like video games i just assume i must do the best and otherwise i feel like a failure and i don't think many people actually think i have to be the best but idk it makes it hard to relax esp. when playing with people i knnow are good or don't know how good theyare making gunpla is fun in the same way watching anime is for me at the moment, i'm not really in any communities around it (although i know there are tons) and it means that i don't have to expect myself to do anything to fit people around methere's like a ton of other factors too that make me prefer doing stuff like this alone (anime community is honestly pretty annoying i remmeber being told "it gets weird" like 40 times while watching evangelion and it just made me wanna notwatch anymore) (gunpla communities are apparently kinda competitive and elitist etc i am not spending 160 dollars on a slightly taller higher part count model of a gundam that i haven't actually wathced the anime they're in) and also it means i can explore and learn for myself which is nice i didn't use any tools during my first gunpla and during this one i'm gonna take longer bc i'm sanding and using wire cutterswhere i'm afraid it might bend or break more fragile parts when trying to twist them out and i think it's ok that i didn't know this the first time because it means i get to learn and make mistakes my first gunpla is missing a sticker because i didn't follow the instructions perfectly and now i am and it's going to look better but my next one (that i will prolly buy when in japan) will look even nicer and i'm ok with that because i'm doing my best right now and i think that's what matters but this loops back to gunpla not having any expectations there's nothing stoppign me from learning slowly or quickly i might find out in 3 models time that i could have been sanding with a special tool for it and that's ok idon't mind improving slowly even things that should be so intrinsically my own like my identity can leave me trying to work towarsd expectations because i know that in the future when i get estrogen (i like almmost definitely will) i'm not going to look like a girl, really i'm going to look like a fucked up boy at best and i'm not even sure if i want to look like a girl but don't i need to look like a girl to be on e like isn't that the point i can't just take it because of the partial feminisation right?? but like there's nothing stopping me just stopping it there (except maybe perscriptions because i think explaining i wanna be more feminine but not definitively a girl would go poorly with a doctor if they're perscribing be lifechanging drugs (which is where diy comes it but at the same time this means that what now i have to pass as a boy while taking e is that even any better will i be able to go through airport security or id checks if i have a male name on my passport and like aa boobs like what will happen then do blood tests get perscribed do ihave to tell doctors what if they stop me ))))) but ok now i'mspiraling i don't even remember how many openbrackets i left there here are some more closes just in case ))) i think if i just died this would be easier do u think they have gunpla in the afterlife idk it was actually kinda poorly articulated but it was a good description of my thoughts and i think still conveys how i feel i feel like expectations (and like, expectations i make up in my head?) play a larger part on my life than anyone else intends them to be and it kinda sucks

[talenlee]

Gestalt Scale

Size, in the Transformers media franchise, does not make sense.

Come along, this is gunna be a while. There are charts.

That may sound like a bold claim and you may imagine as an outsider that it can’t be that bad but it is, trust me, that bad, and part of how we know it’s that bad is that there is a canonical in-universe ability in every format of the show that lets the characters literally change size as they transform. This is not even one of those things where someone post-fact used the size-changing technology as an explanation for something that went unnoticed — in Gen 1, one of the main, major characters, who is as tall as everyone he talks to, transforms into an object small enough for his second in command, who is shorter than him, to pick him up and hold him in one hand.

Being able to shrink and expand things that are tons of metal weight seems like it could be pretty useful for things like transporting goods or revolutionising industry on worlds they visit, but it’s never used this way and that makes sense because if you could shrink or grow things at will that kind of would be the thing your army does now, much more than the cool transforming robots part of the story. Again, we know they do this because, again, in Gen 1, there’s multiple times characters will climb aboard a transport vehicle that, a few minutes ago, was the same size as they were and also talked to them like they were all about to go get a coffee at work.

Size has never worked.

It’s a little bit of a bummer, too, because there’s a promise when you deal with these material toys, these very physically coherent objects, that the process you go through for transformation can represent a real process, that sure, while the insides of how all this stuff works is probably very complicated, it’s not like they have to revert to just plain magic to make things transformation sequences work. It’s all the disappointment of false sides and shells and kibble, but now it’s not even something you can see in the toy, because it’s not like the toy can shrink or grow in your hands.

This is how you get a very funny conversation between a Boombox, and a F-15 Eagle, or, to clarify as my plane expert says, ‘a very creative derivation of a’ F-15 Eagle, all about a Walther PPK while inside a 1951 Steam Train that is, just to be clear, going through space and all four of those things are people who look at one another as same-sized peers. This isn’t an Honor Harrington style ‘oh these ships are so much lighter than they should be,’ mistake, this is pretty explicitly ‘nobody cares, whatever, the characters can do that.’ It’s something easy to forget about, as well one should because it doesn’t matter, but it does present an opportunity for a specifically novel kind of puzzle to me.

See, it’s one thing when you have a group of Tomcats, the Seekers, working alongside a group that includes a M1 Abrams tank and a domestic sports car, that is a scale problem but it’s not necessarily a meaningful one. After all, it’s not like those are a connected group. Thing is, there are groups that are connected, and so connected the machinery that makes them up is meant to fit together into a single body, in what we call a gestalt, about whom I have written before, most notably when talking about the Constructicons.

The puzzle is: Which gestalts have the most bonkers scale problem?

Some rules real quick though:

Gestalts that are made up of icons of things don’t count. The Predacons turn into animals but nobody in their right mind is going to look at Tantrum and think ‘oh that massive metal red and orange bull is not the right size.’ Sinnertwin is a two headed robot dragon, not an attempt to look like a ‘real’ dragon. The Seacons are a bit of a nebulous spot, but they can’t even get whether or not fish have feet straight.

The specific make and model of a thing isn’t important, but rather the generalities. When a Transformer turns into ‘a jeep’ that jeep could be a very small beach getaround thing, almost a buggy or it could be a military humvee, which both have a similar shape and general profile, but the diference in mass could be multiples. As you’ll see, this isn’t going to be super important because better nerds than I have properly classified a lot of specific toy designs.

I’m not being comprehensive here, I’m showing a few examples I noticed that I think are funny.

The Constructicons are all big industrial equipment and finding exact measurements for things with extremely specific model names and numbers is hard. Just eyeballing them, Mixmaster is meant to drive on a road and Long Haul is too wide to fit on a highway.

The Aerialbots

Man, that name is really awkward.

Okay, the Aerialbots are a scramble city Transformer group. They’re made up of one big Transformer that gets bolted into by a cohort, and that cohort is made up of four planes made to be sold at one price point. The planes they transform into (F-16 and 15 Falcon Jet, Sea Harrier, and F-4 Phantom II) all have reasonably comparable sizes (around 14-19 meters), because it turns out that the actual laws of physics get involved in how big a maneuverable plane can even be.

In the middle of these lengthy beasts, we have Silverbolt, who turns into a Concorde, a Concorde that is ironically, afraid of heights due to a history of crashes, which is kinda prescient considering how the Concorde fell apart. The Concorde is 61 meters long. This isn’t the most disproportionate pairing, of course, but Silverbolt is represented as being slightly bigger than his peers. Maybe an extra ten, fifteen percent depending on the artist. He’s not three times larger than any of them.

That’s one of the easy ones, and it’s easy because the disparity is between a few similar pieces and one big piece. That follows through into our next grouping, too!

The Stunticons

The Stunticons are made up of three street-legal sports cars and an obscure Formula 1 racer that I had to text my dad about. These four vehicles are pretty reasonable in comparison to one another — sure, a Lambourghini Countach has a 2,400 wheelbase compared to the Porsche 911’s more restrained 2,200 wheelbase but in both cases those numbers measure millimeters. By comparison, Motormaster, the leader of the Stunticons, the truck at the heart of the group, the city it scrambles around, is a specific truck, so specific that I can go look up a .pdf of its mechanical specs from Kenworth as a company. That tells me that the wheelbase of Motormaster’s truck cab is 4.8 meters long, and pulls a truck trailer that, in total pulls his size up to 21 meters long.

You could lay all four of the lesser shithead Stunticons end to end and they wouldn’t match up to Motormaster.

The Protectobots

And now let’s start where things get weird.

I’ve written about the Protectobots before, since they’re one of my favourite groups. I won’t relitigate how this group that somehow includes two and a half cops is actually, good and I like it, and instead focus on the scale problem present in how Defensor, the gestalt form of them sticks together.

The big central piece of this crew is Hot Spot, who is a fire engine model that’s 10 meters long. By comparison, Streetwise a police car that’s 4 meters long, a similar size to First Aid’s Nissan ambulance. The two four-wheelers and Hot Spot are comparatively speaking, pretty similar in size – it’s only a double size difference and change, which honestly, the toys kinda justify.

The problem is in the other two members of the group, Blades and Groove.

Groove turns into a motorbike that’s 2 meters long. Blades turns into an Iroquois helicopter, and those are 14 meters long. Blades alone is seven times longer than Groove, and if we add in mass to this, Groove is a 330 kg chunker of a bike, meaning he’s a thirteenth of the weight that makes up Blades. Kinda amazing we get a thing that weighs four tons off the ground, huh?

The Combaticons

Alright, now we have the rails, now let’s get well and truly off them.

The Combaticons are five wildly different pieces, starting with, at the smallest, Swindle. Swindle is probably a FMC XR311, at least according to the nerds on the tfwiki who are much better at this than me and that means he is about 4 meters long.

Then next step up, and it is a jump, is Brawl. Brawl turns into a Leopard tank, and he’s about 9.5 meters long. That puts him in the same district as Vortex, the helicopter of the crew, who turns into a Kaman SH-2 Seasprite. That’s about 12 meters long, so Brawl and Vortex? They’re reasonably similar size to one another. Note that these two, comparably sized, are both more than twice and at most thrice the size of Swindle.

But that jump then leads us to Onslaught, who is a fictional truck modelled on a real truck that moves on real roads, with a cab designed to fit on a normal road. At about 3 meters wide, that means Onslaught is about 20 meters long, which is again, a jump.

But we’re not done with jumping because above the next step is Blast Off.

Blast Off is a space shuttle. Blast Off turns into a copy of the NASA International Space Shuttle Orbiter. Blast Off turns into a large part of one of the largest vehicles in the world and one of the other largest vehicles in the world is a vehicle designed to transport the NASA International Space Shuttle Orbiter.

Blast Off turns into something that is 37 meters long.

Conclusion

Does this mean anything? Is this something that they should have done differently, with the parts they had? Is there some grand thesis about size-shifting in Transformers to be put to work here?

Of course not.

These are toys for kids, and whatever this seeks to fix, it’s not worth the effort because the point of the toys is to be cool doohickeys that resemble stuff you’re aware of, not to give you an object lesson in scale disparities between physical pieces of hardware.

But I had fun searching up ‘object name, specifications’ today.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[gabbykobold]

I Want to Create Videos Again...

Hello, Kobold Friends. It’s been... an awfully long time since I’ve uploaded anything to my YouTube channel, or any other video platform for that matter... But now... now I find myself wanting to start again. But start again on what, exactly? That is something I’m still unsure about. I know over the years I’ve come back again and again... wanting to try something new, but eventually I just... give up before I produce anything worthwhile. And now... now I’m just here to say that I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I have the desire to create once more, but I can’t seem to break free of this slump... of this creator’s block.

I’ve tried all sorts of videos over the years. Memes, Garry’s Mod machinima, 3D animation, 2D animation, video essays, streaming... Looking back... I found the most enjoyment in the machinima and the animated shorts. They also seemed to generate the most engagement. And that’s really what this is all about right? Interacting with viewers. Audience participation. Hell, I think the most fun I’ve had working on any project was that Tumblr ask blog I did back in the day. Anybody remember those things?? Are those things even relevant anymore? And... well, I guess that leads me into my next apprehension.

YouTube is changing so much all the time. And not just YouTube as a platform, but the Internet as a whole. Society as a whole. The world changes fast. And frankly... it’s pretty hard to keep up with it all! It’s hard to keep up with what’s relevant. What will drive engagement. Now... I don’t care about getting a ton of views, but it is nice to not be completely invisible... Like I said, interacting with the community is the best part of content creation, and so I want to create the type of content which will ultimately lead to that. And that brings me back to my original dilemma... What SHOULD I create next?

I’ve... admittedly been down this thought process many times before. I’ve done many brainstorming sessions, made bullet lists, fiddled around in video editors... but I feel like I keep running into a wall. Perhaps... the answer really is to go back?

Go back... maybe not entirely, but take inspiration from the videos that I enjoyed most? Once again, those Garry’s Mod videos and animated shorts were a great joy to work on, and the people on YouTube seemed to really enjoy them, so perhaps the answer is in them? Perhaps Shorts are the answer? Maybe trying to do long form videos was my most fundamental mistake? In the past, my greatest joy and success in content creation came from telling bite-sized stories. And while platforms have changed, I feel like there will always be a place for short form storytelling.

Storytelling... perhaps that’s it? I just need to tell stories like I used to! Of course, nowadays short form videos fall into the realm of TikToks and YouTube Shorts... I may need to get accustomed to the vertical format... but perhaps that’d be worth it? If anybody’s still reading at this point, I would love to hear your feedback. Should I really go back? Should shorts be the focus of my content going forward? Were bite-sized stories my greatest strength over the years?

I certainly have a lot to think about, but I think I’ll wrap this up for now. I want to create again. I plan to create again. Maybe I’ll start by re-downloading Garry’s Mod? Maybe I’ll finally get around to toying with Blender’s animation tools? Perhaps both? Whatever I do, all I know is that I HAVE to start creating things again.