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bo0tleg · 8 months ago

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MY FRIENDS REACTION TO THE TOP GUN (1986) REACTION POST

In case you don't know what I'm talking about: I made a post a while ago of gems my friend said whilst watching Top Gun (1986) for the first time. I showed her the post, and she created even more gems about Top Gun derived from what she said originally! I'd suggest you read the other post, because some are references to prior gems. Enjoy!

"TOM CRUISE IS OLD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?"

"I said that? Jesus, I have the memory of a fish." (About: "Did he really need to be in his underwear for this conversation?")

"I DID COMMENT ON THE VOLLEYBALL SCENE!" "I distinctly remember laughing about you not saying anything." "I said 'Ah yes, the hetero scene that actually looks really gay.' Because it does. How the fuck are you gonna play sports looking like a hot piece of ass without looking gay? You're not supposed to be hot! Especially in volleyball. Why did they choose volleyball to make them look hot? You're supposed to slap that fucking ball, not be like 'hahaha look at me, I'm so dainty and pretty.' THAT'S GAY!"

"I'm only stating the obvious, these people should already know this."

"Iceman is the gayest in the entire movie."

"No! Actually, it's his plane buddy. His plane buddy is the gayest." "... Mind telling me why?" "He always says that he has a hard on."

"OH MY GOD THEY COULD BE EXES! It's not possible he always has a hard on. I KNOW IT'S AN EXPRESSION IN THE UNITED STATES BUT IT'S NOT POSSIBLE. They've definitely hooked up. Not in the movie, I think it was before he met Maverick, but there's no doubt."

"You wouldn't say that you have a hard on to just anyone."

"And I didn't even look anything up, I just watched the movie."

"I don't think it's possible to surpass the gayness in Top Gun."

(Upon being informed that Slider was not, in fact, the one with the hard on) "HE'S NOT? Oh, then it has nothing to do with Iceman. But I still think that they (Hollywolf) had something, that's the dynamic that I got the gay vibe from."

"I bet both of the actors are blond, or whatever." (shakes head) "I don't give a shit."

"It's not my fault the NPC's look like the protagonist!"

(Scrolling through the Icemav tag on tumblr) "There's a lot of fanart. A lot of fanart of them making out."

"Only the superiors aren't gay in this movie."

"Making out in a corner, having a fling with the best friend, there's definitely one of those somewhere in the middle."

"Oh look! More fanart of them making out."

"Even the handsome guy that seems like a protagonist but is actually an NPC looks gay! He has that gay vibe, I don't know." (Reminder: This a reference to the phrase "He's to handsome to be a rando!" This man had like 2 minutes of screen time on the Enterprise at the start of the movie, and a little at the end during the Layton Rescue. 2 min might be an exaggeration.)

BONUS: Reaction to Quentin Tarantino discussing Top Gun in "Sleep With Me" (1994)

(Silence for 30 seconds) "I... agree with everything he said... but I'm in shock."

I never... thought a straight man would say so much gay shit in three minutes.... but he's right."

"That part where he says about the girl, Maverick's chick, dressing up like a guy, I hadn't noticed. He's a genius."

"When he says 'STARFIGHT! STARFIGHT!' I don't know if he was crazy, high or hallucinating."

"Them screaming 'STARFIGHT! STARFIGHT!' looked like they were on crack. And they were just talking about a movie."

"If a military movie ever happens to be openly gay, it'll become a whore house."

"And the worst part is that he convinced the dude! My guy just watched Top Gun for fun..."

EXTRAS (The original language all of the phrases were said in was Portuguese. I had to translate all of them. You're welcome.):

"How am I going to translate 'Puteiro'?" "Aren't there any prostitutes in the United States?" (I went with "Whore House")

"How am I going to translate 'se pegaram'?" "There's a word for it in English, I forgot it.... eeeehhhh" "Hooked up?" "I meant to say that they fucked, but sure." "'Hooked up' can mean sex." "It can? Great, use that then!"

"How many phrases are there? I'm scared. I don't remember the atrocities I said."

My friend, who fueled this entire post: @annonimouslesbian

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missyourflight · 1 year ago

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some stuff i read and watched in june:

taskmaster (s1-5): haven't done an early seasons rewatch in so long, s4 and 5 are basically perfect 2 me. incredible that mark watson manages to be both my favourite type of taskmaster guy (hopelessly despairing) and also nearly won the thing lol. nish forever obviously

silo: got well into this! probably at some point apple will stop throwing millions at sci-fi shows but i'm going to enjoy their folly in the meantime

mission: impossible ii: hadn't seen this one! the weakest of the lot but the john woo of it all is undeniable

mission: impossible iii: PSH outrageously good as the villain, hi keri russell

mission: impossible - ghost protocol: so much fun, especially the sequences where you can see brad bird's animation brain going

mission: impossible - rogue nation: ILSA my beloved, the opera sequence is so gorgeous, no notes!

mission: impossible - fallout: it's good when henry cavill reloads his arms, it's better when tom cruise is sprinting around london rooftops and breaking his ankle etc, my most basic trait is that i Love when they're in london like oooh tate modern. anyway i'm very ready for dead reckoning

asteroid city: the bits about making art really got to me! the vending machines were cool!

joint security area: crash landing on you prepared me for this, blank check weren't lying when they said it was homoerotic, song kang-ho forever etc

dodie smith, the town in bloom: the most delightful narrative voice i've read in Ages and v funny. easy to sell me on 1920s theatrical shenanigans

k patrick, mrs s: So hot and butch, i liked the butch friendship stuff almost more than the sex stuff. more sexy lesbian novels Please

kj charles, the secret lives of country gentlemen: another winner from KJC, my most reliable romantic comfort reads. this time it's smugglers!

alice slater, death of a bookseller: sticky little thriller about being poisoned by true crime, great sense of place, So many pints of dark fruits

laura kay, wild things: bisexual disaster in love with her best friend, tragically very me- and also george russell-coded, god i want to swim in a pond again

SOME STUFF I SAW AT ROCK WERCHTER

the dj on the first nigt who played a mash up of i'm gonna be (500 miles) into temperature and then the 1d cover of one way or another into little lion man (deeply cursed fandom flashbacks etc)

weyes blood with candelabras and glowing hearts and amazing adam curtis projections on the big screen behind her

king princess sending the gay girls of belgium absolutely wild - "you wanna hear a sad lesbian song?"

matty healy is a dickhead but he's very good at being the frontman of the 1975. like if ben whishaw was straight and kind of disgusting

stormzy!!! literally the rain was pouring during blinded by your grace pt 2

mumford and sons - this whole festival was like being borne back ceaseless into the past but the cave still fucks me up, marcus really in his ken marino era, face-wise

PUP - i do believe if this tour doesn't kill you, i will to be a wholly perfect song, they had a trans flag on stage, best vibes of the festival

sigur ros - sometimes you just want to be in a massive barn with thousands of people with your faces turned up in the dark feeling like you're inside the sound somehow

muse - fucking incredible live band still!! every time i'm see them i'm floored by how hot chris the bassist is and then i forget about it and then i see them again and i'm poleaxed etc. they had a tech meltdown during knights of cydonia at the encore so we got showbiz instead!!

christine and the queens - beautiful and terrible as the dawn

jacob collier - asked if we wanted to get funky then put on a special hat, bit george russell-coded in the face

arctic monkeys - sometimes you just want to be in a field with one of your oldest friends singing the songs of your youth!! i love the 70s act actually! there are so many sexy songs on AM!! the skies finally cleared for the beautiful full moon, thank you belgium, good night

#monthly media #sophposting

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garciaasfluffypen · 2 years ago

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‘ i don’t want to see a picture. unless it is a picture of a good looking guy in a bathing suit i am not interested. ’

"are you sure you’re not gay?”

wc: 560 pairing: steve harrington & oc!buckley (gender neutral) warnings: i have never barely written for steve pls bear with me he might not be in character.

you had been working at scoops for a few weeks now, and were convinced that steve harrington was gay.

there was no way that he wasn't queer, at least a little bit. yes, he flirted with the girls and everything but it never landed the way he wanted it to land. which could only mean a few things.

steve sucked at flirting

girls didn't want to date steve because of his "reputation"

steve was gay...or bi... or... not straight

you looked up as steve walked back from his fifteen minute break, making his way behind the counter to come stand by you. a certain look was very clearly on your face, catching steve's eye as he turned to look at you.

"what are you thinking about?"

"girls. boobs. dicks. the normal stuff."

"we're at work, you think about that stuff at work?"

"why not get paid to think about the stuff you like to think about?" you shrugged. "besides, it's not like anyone can hear my innermost thoughts."

steve chuckled. "you'd be surprised."

"you saying you can hear my thoughts, harrington?" you raised your eyebrows. "what am i thinking of right now?"

"tom cruise."

"wrong. i was thinking of a banana. but nice try."

steve rolled his eyes, "why do i even put up with you?"

"because if it's not me, it's robin. and to be fair, i'm the better sister." a beat. "hear me out."

"oh no."

"if i can correctly guess what you're thinking about right now, you have to give me free ice cream when i come in off the clock."

"i don't- can we do that?"

"we can now, buckaroo." you patted steve on the shoulder. "let me guess, you're thinking of picking up your favorite playboy magazine when you get home, taking out a cold one and relaxing for the night."

steve was quiet for a moment. "what?"

"isn't that what you guys do? read playboys and drink beers?"

"i...i don’t want to see a...a picture. unless it is a picture of a good looking guy in a bathing suit i am not interested."

it was your turn to be quiet for a moment.

"i mean, what?"

"HAH!" you jumped in victory. "i fucking knew it. you're not straight."

"i don't know what you're talking-"

"you said a good guy in a bathing suit. you know who else says that? the gays."

"i-i'm not gay."

"are you sure about that?"

as you turned back to see the customer walking in, you were greeted with no other than the smiling face of one eddie munson. you and him had become pretty attached at the hip, considering you had to sit through mcwinter's horrid science lessons together. you had breifly mentioned working at scoops with steve and robin, but didn't expect him to come.

except now he was here, and steve was very obviously short circuiting as he stared at eddie.

"ahoy there, welcome to scoops. take your can- i mean, can i take your order?"

eddie sent a look over to you, then looked back at steve. "i'll take a chocolate double scoop, please."

"sure thing."

soon as his transaction was over and eddie was gone, you turned to look at steve who had the craziest amount of blush coating his face that you had ever seen.

"are you sure you're not gay?"

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x y/n #stranger things fanfic #an i (queue) of 187

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winderlylandchime · 1 year ago

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We are on 3x06! 1/2 ‘HE IT PUTTING THE DRUGS IN THE TUSHY AGAIN!’ ‘Wait why are cops outside the clu- EW EW EW EW EW EW EW WHY WOULD THEY SHOW ME ETHAN AND JUSTIN IN THE TUB?!’ He put his hands over his face and fake gagged, now he knows how i feel. ‘I know another cool game you could play Justin, it’s called GO BACK TO BRIAN! Please tell me this concert is the thing that takes him OUT OF MY LIFE. Oh god *pauses tv fast* what if he stays around for another season?! I CANT DO THAT. He wishes Justin could be there? Why cant- oh right he’s straight now..A RING?! HE GOT HIM A RING?! Justin wipe that look off your face, Brian got you school tuition’ ‘what the fuck Brian? HES WORKING WITH A COP? Why are we getting so political? Ha brian hates it! Just like i do! Call him a twat and move on, HES ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK WORK WITH HIM?’ He paused the tv and went out to smoke. He is clearly feeling a certain way about Stockwell/Brian. ‘MY ASS he built model airplanes as a kid. (Stockwell says he doesn’t mind the truth even if Brian uses it as an assault weapon)…oh damn that’s actually kinda good description of him at times but i don’t wanna agree with a cop so fuck you. DUDE STOP HELPING HIM WIN VOTES! WHAT THE FUCK? I get he loves money and power and its his job or whatever but this is just ew. There’s no way he’d help him, i mean he hates *points to himself* heteros’ ‘AH ITS BRI AND JUSTIN!! no he saw the ring, BRIAN I SWEAR IT MEANS NOTHING! HE KNOWS ROMANCE, he just struggles with it.‘ ‘fuck even Bens intervention is boring. MIKE DONT FALL FOR THIS BULLSHIT.’ ‘BRIAN CMON WHY ARE YOU HELPING A COP? I mean i know we all have our flaws but i thought we agreed his was dancing?! (Brian tells the camera guy to keep filming stockwell bc abs) ha! His whole work strategy is “make it gay” respect. (Stockwell looks back at Brian after he calls him tom cruise) Is he gay? He gives of a *does the gay wrist bent thing* certain vibe’ Justin and Daphne show up during the interview ‘COUSIN?! GIRLFRIEND?! COUSIN?…Daphne hate him even more now, please. YES DAPHNE, BRIAN NEVER DID THAT! YES HE DID HAVE HIS ENTIRE FUTURE CAREER AT- ARE YOU DUMB?! DID WE FORGET PARTNER, VERMONT?! Go Daphne!! HE ALMOST DIED!!! YES DALHNE HATE HIM! BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!’ ‘AH JEN! MY GIRL JEN! She’s so pretty, why cant i get more of Jen? (ted and ems neighbor describes the neighborhood) fuck, I wish Brian was here, he would actually vomit at the idea of living in a place like this.’ ‘Okay who cares about Ben, give me Brian!’ Literally a second later stockwells ad shows ‘OH COME ON! I cant have a god damn thing going for me on this show! HE IS LITERALLY DESCRIBING BRIAN! THIS MAN WOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF HE KNEW THE REAL BRIAN! BRIAN CANT YOU SEE THIS BULLSHIT, oh please turn him into a joke Bri! bullshit! How can he not see that he is literally against what and who Brian is’ the scene where Ben pushes Brian is about to happen! ‘Oh Benny Ben, you got caught! Wait why did his dad say 3 times 7? He made him do math? What an ass. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! HE JUST PUSHED HIM! AND CALLED HIM A WHORE AND IS ANGRY THAT HE ISNT POSITIVE?! DUDE FUCK YOU! DONT SLUT SHAME! We’re all just vibin *does that surfer/thumb-pinky finger symbol with his hand* and you are ruining the vibes! WHY WOULD THEY IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHOW ME ETHAN BLOWING JUSTIN?! SO I GOTTA SEE BRI GET HURT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY? *mocks Ethan in a childish voice* it was the interview. Well congratulations sherlock! You sure are one step away from being the new cop in town (justin asks if from now on itll be lies and immediately pauses tv)WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! I thought that was some shit only Brian could do, oh wait no. Bri AWAYS TELLS IT HOW IT IS! please go on a world tour, i will literally buy all the tickets just for you to go. HE HAD AN AMAZING LIFE WITH BRIAN! He is so jealous of Brian, its sad. I swear he competes with him every second of his day. I get Justin needed a new boyfriend or whatever for some reason that im sure is *waves his hands* somewhere BUT DID IT HAVE TO BE ETHAN?’

Justin wipe that look off your face, Brian got you school tuition IS SUCH A MOOD. Tuition >>>> cheap tacky ring

I am living for his reaction to Stockwell. He's so right.

Even Ben's intervention is boring - LOL

His reaction to Daphne is everything. We love Daph.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! HE JUST PUSHED HIM! AND CALLED HIM A WHORE AND IS ANGRY THAT HE ISNT POSITIVE?! DUDE FUCK YOU! DONT SLUT SHAME! I couldn't have said it better myself. I have probably screamed the exact same things at my screen.

Did it have to be Ethan - YES! this exactly. They were cruising for a break up, fine, I get it, story arc etc. But Ethan is so unbelievable. Also your brother screaming about how Brian always told the truth. I am dyinnnngggg about it.

#ask winderlylandchime #dear sweet anon #queer as folk #a straight man watches qaf us 2000 in the year of our lord 2023

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cleradinel · 2 years ago

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proper answer is there !

it's faaaaaaaaaaar from being the biggest gay mike sign to me, but it's cool if it's yours ! to me it's really the way mike reacts to girls compared to lucas and dustin (and the straight dudes on the show). think s1ep2 when el starts to undress unaware that... well people usually don't do that. his reaction compared to lucas and dustin's tells me a lot. they are immediately horrified, hiding their eyes, etc... mike is just like "damn calm down guys" because well.... he doesn't see girls as potential partners. he is not attracted to them so he lacks that visceral reaction of "OHMYGODNONONO". all of ted's jab i think are very interesting. his lack of understanding of girls. not because he is a nerdy, awkward boy, but he thinks they are sooo weird they are basically an entirely different species to him.

the one way pointing to the closet wich, in my humble opinion means both that he is stuck veeeery deep inside that closet AND that he swings one way. the "i have an idea, boys only" aka i am slowly starting to realize i like dudes. specifically only dudes. his reaction to the women's underwear (remember the writers comparing it to his reaction to the mindflayer ?) and the men in the sauna : if will is trying to make sure no one's clocked him as gay (overreactive to us, maybe, but his past and his recent argument with mike the day before will understandably make him do that) and lucas is genuinely disgusted by the sight, then mike is disgusted with himself. for being a homo queer gay man.

the posters in his room : nance has a tom cruise poster because she likes dudes and likes the film top gun (i enjoy the bi nance handcanon as much as the next person but it's not much more than a hc), mike has a buff dragon dude poster because he likes dude and likes the fantasy genre. of course, the infamous "it's not my fault you don't like girl" because how dare will be seemingly thriving by embracing dnd and not thinking about girls when i am feeling miserable over there pushing everything i love away and everything i am to make sure i conform to the rules ?! ... self projecting much ? you wish that were you so bad ? not caring about girls and what people think of your "childlish interest ?"

i could go on and on and on ! all i'm saying is, there is a lot to chose from as far as gay mike things go. his reaction to phoebe cate is one of them ! but i think after all of this is said and done, this is just not how someone who likes women act around, talk about, and think about women.

By far the biggest Gay Mike Proof to me is actually because of a seemingly unserious Steve line.

S4E1, Steve references that infamous shot of Phoebe Cates with "Do you know who pauses Fast Times at 53 minutes 5 seconds?"

This was also referenced back in S3E1 with Dustin saying "Think Phoebe Cates, only hotter" while Mike pulls a face in the background.

So, following Steve's (canonically proven) logic, do you know who doesn't find Phoebe Cates hot?

People who don't like boobies!

I DIDNT MEAN TO PRESS SEND. anyway let me answer properly lololol

just know for now that i really disagree that it's the biggest proof, but it's cool if it is for you ! i'll get to writing a proper answer now

#stop indulging meeeee anon i swore i wouldn't talk about it anymoreee #i can't help myself #anon #asks

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siryouarebeingmocked · 3 years ago

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Dr. Strange 2: Witness the power of this fully armed and operational Disney VFX budget!

I liked the movie. The multiverse/magic stuff looks great, and if you watch Strange 1, then Far From Home, then this, you can see a pretty clear progression.

As someone whose knowledge of Sam Raimi is literally just "Saw all 3 Spider-Man movies and Darkman," I appreciate his directorial flourishes. You can tell he's flexing here, especially with the bigger budget.

I like Wanda and Strange’s arcs.

I do have some issues with America, though.

SPOILERS

There's an LP channel called Spoiler Warning. They once MST3K'd Mass Effect 3, and mocked the halibut out of the blatant attempt at pathos in the first level. "But Shamus," Josh would snark, "a kid died!"

In case you aren't familiar with the game, Shepard tries to save a random little kid hiding in a vent. The kid refuses to come out. Then later, as Shep leaves, they look down and see the kid, hopping on the last shuttle out of Vancouver.

The big bad space squid enemies laser it, and then Shepard has bad dreams for the rest of the game. Because a generic kid died.

And that's what America is. She's A Kid. Extruded teen product. Servicable. She the meat and potatoes of characters.

The movie examines Strange's pride. In the first movie, he was an egotist who thought it was All About Him. In this movie, he doesn't, but he still thinks it's on him to fix the problems-

Sorry, I just had to take a moment to make sure they didn't mix up a few script pages from Iron Man 2.

Kid sidekicks are supposed to bring out new character traits in the main protagonist. Robin contrasts Batman's dark grittiness (Well, except for Damien and Dick, where Damien was the dark one and Dick was the lighter one.). Jimmy Olsen contrasts Superman by just being A Guy who keeps getting caught up in super-shenanigans.

America can't use her powers on command-

Sorry, I just had to take a moment to make sure they didn't mix up a few script pages from Into the Spider-Verse.

And the climax of her arc is to learn how awesome and powerful she actually is-

Sorry, I just had to take a moment to make sure they didn't mix up a few script pages from Captain Marvel.

Jokes aside, "believe in the me who believes in you!" is a perfectly...functional plot here. It works. She works. It’s...kind of a contrast with Strange’s arc? But she's a pretty flat character. Maybe if the movie started with her trusting only in herself. I don’t mean the weaksauce stuff we got, I mean straight up paranoia. She only trusts herself, which is a dark mirror of Strange’s arc. And Wanda’s too! She’s only going with Strange because she’s out of options.

Now, the cynical part of me says this is because of woke shenanigans. The optimist says it might be because they want to give her a full arc of her own in some other series or movie. Or because they already had two major character arcs in the film.

Incidentally, it turns out America’s power has been taking her to the ‘correct’ universes all along. Which includes universes where good things happen to her. Which explains why she’s so relatively-well-adjusted.

Incidentally, America is gay in the comics. I hoped they wouldn't try to include a subplot about a 15 year old's sexuality. And they didn't.

They did something...else.

So, in this film (and maybe the comics) America is apparently from an idyllic, peaceful lesbian(?) commune-

Sorry, I just had to take a moment to make sure they didn't mix up a few script pages from Wonder Woman.

-and accidentally knocked her moms into some unknown other dimension when her powers kicked in-

Sorry, I just had to take a moment to make sure they didn't mix up a few script pages from Inhumans.

Oh, right, Inhumans. Black Bolt is on the Illuminati. I was hoping for the Tom Cruise as Superior Iron Man. John Krasinski as Reed Richards was

They also finally gave Professor X the iconic yellow wheelchair. Maria Rambeau is Captain Marvel, like her daughter was in the comics for a while.

(Aside: I loved Monica in Nextwave as Kermit to the team's Muppets, and know nothing else about her regular appearances.)

And they bought back Anson Mount as Black Bolt, which was

Was it fanservice? Yes. Was it fun? Yes. Was Reed Richard useless? Yes.

Oh, and it bugged me how many shots seemed framed specifically to show off America’s Pride pin. Which I could ignore if it wasn’t that new racialized version I dislike*. Maybe it’s in honor of her moms, idk. She is also, quite possibly, the most special person in the multiverse, because there is apparently only one of her, likely for plot reasons.

These minor things aside, yeah, worth a few bucks.

* Ironic how a flag about bringing people together is now implying some LGBT people are more important than others.

#marvel #mcu #spoilers

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twinge-of-cosmicangst · 3 years ago

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What if in season 4 Shiv and Tom have a “I should of left you on that street corner where I found you” “but you didn’t” esque fight where Shiv is like “How dare you do a deal with my dad where you shaft me out of the company, if you had never of dated me you would of never of got promoted to cruises, if you never married me, you would of never of got promoted to ATN, my dad wouldn’t even know who you are. Also if I had suggested to dad that you be the fall guy for cruises in the first place rather then Ken you may be in prison right now!!” And Tom’s like “Sure marrying you definitely helped career wise, but I had already moved up quite high at Waystar by myself before I even met you, whereas you, after working a decade in politics, quit on a whim, and expected your daddy to make you CEO straight away, I’m mean for god sake even Greg had worked at Waystar longer then you!” (Cos we all know Tom can’t go 10 mins without mentioning Greg) and Shiv just totally flips at that, she’ll probably figured out by now that Greg got his promotion (whatever that may be) because Tom asked for it when making a deal with Logan and its obviously totally humiliating for her that her dopey cousin is now in a much better position at Waystar then she is all because the husband that betrayed her helped him get there and she impersonates Tom “Greg Greg Greg” and she’s mad but she says as a joke “If you love Greg so much why don’t you marry him instead!!” which is followed by total shock and Gay silence from Tom and then the penny drops for Shiv and she realises why Tom bought Greg along with him after he betrayed her and she’s just like👁👄👁

#tomgreg #just some food for thought #tom wambsgans

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starbright-cobweb · 3 years ago

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Tom of Finland (2017)

It's normal for Hollywood for adapt artist biopics in the 'visual style' of their imagery - rightly intuiting that the target market for the film is really fans of their work. This is not that.

It's dour, it's quiet - just like the life of Touko Laaksonen, better known for his gay fantasy illustrations under the name "Tom of Finland". More expansively, it's about the intense changes of 20th century gay life.

This is queer cinema done right. Touko has friends, family, a god-child, life partners and communities; his life is constrained, but still full. The horrors of queer life are neither underplayed to feel-good palatability, nor overplayed as tragedy: blips in a life that's mostly alright, all told, the way that most lives are.

And it's right about leather. Huw Lemmy recently described Cruising, accurately, as "homophobic but good", and compared it to the terrible depiction of leather in Bohemian Rhapsody. Let's unpack "homophobic-but-good". Cruising is a prurient, straight-made film of the 1980s featuring documentary-like footage filmed in real leather bars; it says "in this city is a dark, throbbing sexual underworld - dangerous, seedy, filled with hard, strong men and they want to fuck you, with bulging, muscled arms that can overpower you". And the thing about this is, it's the straight's worst nightmare - it's a profoundly homophobic terror - and also the thing about this is, "...oh do go on; tell me everything. I am quivering in my shiny, shiny boots". You can't misrepresent leather as deviant, hypersexual threat; that's part of its fantasy of itself. One can and should critique the reasons and ways straight creators deploy this imagery; but one will have a fantastic time doing so, scrutinising the work...in great detail...and considerable length.

Tom of Finland doesn't do this - it's a surprisingly nonerotic movie - because it starts with the gay subject as a person rather than a fetish. Leather is community and it is connection. Touko doesn't enter a forbidding, ecstatic sexual underworld; it's a bunch of guys in an average-looking bar, and they're all friends. The owner waves to him and chats about business. He signs some magazines. He's pleased yet discomforted by the liberated joy of the next generation which he can't quite allow himself. It's very much like bars you will have visited. Nobody looks like a Tom of Finland illustration because no human does. They look like men I've met.

Leather is community - and it's community formed around feeling strong and desireable, but that wider context is always present, that what these people are can never be beautiful or good back home. This is community for outcasts, and to be welcomed and among friends is political and homely far more than it is horny. Yes, cruising brings danger - but there's never any doubt about the source of that danger: primarily, cops.

The film touches on leather's role as informal education during the AIDS crisis; a launchpad for rising gay confidence; and a shared language. Touko of the 1940s daringly cruises by slipping his doodles under a toilet stall (dear god, boys; can you imagine the romance of being handed a Tom of Finland original as an overture?). Doug - American kid of the 1970s who responds to artwork published in a magazine by hitting the gym - keeps an illustration in his locker and, in an adorably cringe moment, struts-like-an-illustration and lets out his manliest "hi - I'm Doug" to a fellow who's also got a ToF pinup on display. Same gesture. But these images are transformed from Tom's private language, to a shared one.

It also highlights the importance of amateur archival work to queer culture: "dirty pictures", according to his sister; shredded and stomped by violent bigots; an arrestable offence to draw or posess; elevated to high art by his American fandom who make the exhibitions, the books, the preservation happen. Deftly, the film skips forward to contemporary people browsing glossy Tom of Finland artbooks and students sketching from his work on ipads.

Touko is a sombre figure, and the film moves from the intense claustrophobia of 1950s Finland to expansiveness of the 70s Californian sun. There's an almost Midsommaresque queasiness to how abruptly bright and open the landscape becomes. Touko, getting on in years, is visibly discombobulated by a world he's helped create: confident, leather-clad young men, unafraid of the police, unafraid of their masculinity, their desires or one another. But he's also - quietly, in the way of men of the wartime generation - finally, after a life peppered by homophobia - proud.

Unexpectedly wholesome.

#film log #Tom of Finland #Tom of Finland (2017)

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olderthannetfic · 4 years ago

Note

hi hi history-non again, sorry I know it's a very

ahem wide and girthy ahem

ask, and i'm sorry for not narrowing it down farther my brain is smooth as butter and the dart board, so to speak, is. big. i feel like im throwing my dart in the ocean of 'what i don't know' and trying to spear a fish who might speak to me like the queer elder i never ha d ;lkasjd;flkas damn you small conservative town ANYWAYS

i guess okay maybe do you have any favourite figureheads? whats your fave pieces of lgbtqa+ media (like books or shows?)

thanks again and sorry for.

uh.

big.

Lolololol. Yes.... it’s so... big...

In the 90s, the writers of nonfiction who I found really inspirational were Susie Bright and Kate Bornstein. My Gender Workbook was a classic. I gather there’s a new edition.

I was a massive, massive nerd, so my actual favorite queer book as a 14-year-old is one that will be a bit... uh... much if you’re not feeling very intellectual. It’s Third Sex, Third Gender: Beyond Sexual Dimorphism in Culture and History. This thing is a massive doorstop of a book that collects academic journal articles on third gender roles from various cultures. I was obsessed with this thing. Again, it’s academic journal articles, not popular nonfiction, so expect that level of impenetrable prose.

I was also a giant weeb, so I read a bunch of books on the history of gay sex in Japan. It’s pretty interesting how much people assume the “m/m sex = sin” shit was worldwide and how much it just was not.

In terms of fiction, I’ve always struggled to find f/f media I relate to. I really like the tv adaptations of Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet. Lots of fucked up problematicness and gorgeous visuals. Gotta love the lady with the strap-on and the gold body paint!

For other queer media, I was a big fan of Velvet Goldmine and of Pedro Almodóvar’s older films, which are full of every problematic kink you can think of. They also have a lot of het I like, like the lady being coerced into sex (that she enjoys) by the drag queen who impersonates her famous mother she has a lot of mommy issues about... except said drag queen is really an undercover police officer. Just... whut. (All the “straight” stuff in Almodóvar’s films is also bugfuck nuts and often kind of queer.)

I really, really, really loved Crash. Not the shitty one that won an oscar: the car crash perverts one full of weird UST. There’s a ton of straight sex in this too, along with every gender combo and a laundry list of upsetting kinks. It’s just every kind of weird perv thing. (”Weird art film full of sex and problematicness” is pretty much the defining feature of movies I liked as a teen. I loved Kissed, that het necrophilia movie too.)

Stage Beauty is probably my favorite film for bi vibes. It’s this meditation on identity as the English stage was changing over from having men play women to having actual actresses. It ends in f/m, but it’s definitely a very queer film.

If you want slice of life stuff, I guess you could try Dykes to Watch Out For (the comic that’s the source of the bechdel test) or the Tales of the City novel series. These will both give you a sense of what was going on in certain queer communities in the late 20thC. If you want something relatively fluffy, Maurice is a historical costume drama with a happy ending. I found it awfully slow as a college student, but it does have naked Rupert Graves (Lestrade from Sherlock), so...

----

See, this is hard to answer because I came of age and did all of my reading of that kind a long time ago. I pretty quickly moved on to fangirl media, which I have always liked a lot better than other arguably queer stuff. Back in the 90s, that meant Japanese stuff and fic. Later, I had access to more flavors of by-fujoshi-for-fujoshi media.

So my actual favorite m/m books are a bunch of “m/m romance” (i.e. American BL being sold as ebooks on amazon). If you want live action TV and fandomy vibes, you’re better off with Trapped (hot cop/mobster action!) or one of those Thai series about schoolboys or something than stuff made by cis gay men in the US.

I also came of age in an era when “queer” media was very Cis Gay Men And Sometimes Cis Lesbians with an occasional nod to bi people existing... maybe. Kate Bornstein and a few others were raising the profile of MtF transsexuals (the term in use at the time) who wanted surgery or even, gasp, maybe didn’t want bottom surgery in some cases. Anything about FtMs or nb/agender/etc. identities was practically invisible. I saw the term ‘genderqueer’ around a bit, but it was mostly in contexts that were very tryhard and unappealing to me.

(You haven’t given any details, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re like much of tumblr and the flavors of queerness you relate to aren’t so much the Cis Gay Men Only culture that makes up quite a bit of queer history and older queer media.)

I can tell you what I liked as a teen, but not everybody is into fucked up art films that may not have happy endings. I can try to rec things about queer culture in the 90s, but I probably don’t have great recs for way earlier or later than that... unless it’s so much earlier that I’ve researched it while writing fic of some historical canon or other. A lot of how I learned about queer culture myself was from magazines or from reading soc.bi on usenet or just from living through the 90s--not typically from books that are easy to unearth and just hand to someone now.

I tend to just not like anything in the contemporary romance or slice of life genres, regardless of gender and orientation, so while I’ve watched/read a bit more queer stuff like this, especially in the past when I had less access to queer media, it’s not a space I’m great at reccing in. And that’s unfortunate because a lot of that type of art gives you a better sense of what other queer people were like in other eras and/or it’s a safer rec than some bananas crazy BDSM film.

I was, and am, very kinky (though pretty lazy in terms of actual practice), so a lot of my reading and media interest was bound up in that also. Obviously, I was quite interested in the drawings of Tom of Finland or the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe, but are you going to be into photos of some guy shoving a whip handle in his ass? I love the movie Cruising... it’s about serial killers and leather and homophobia and is every bit as potentially traumatizing as that sounds.

I feel you on the problem of finding queer elders. There isn’t really an obvious way to go about this.

#queer history #queer media #Anonymous

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lampoest · 4 years ago

Text

Unfiltered thoughts watching mission impossible rouge nation inspired by @chaotically-cas

(sorry its so long my brain is all over the place)

this is also part 14 of me watching it every day :/

CURSING WARNING !! ALSO SPOILERS !!!

why is brandt first to speak

starting out with "shit" good call benji

brandt man we get the package is on the mcfucking plane

badass luther 10/10

nervous benji 10/10

that one sound effects sounds like the discord notif

why he in a fancy suit

*jumps on a plane with almost no plan on getting inside*

why did tom cruise think this was agood idea?

but like why would benji even open the ramp?

how is he not winded from that?

classic ethan

THE INTRO 1000/10

SOLOMON LANE !!

wait you can already see lane in the record shop.

how do they tell the agents these little convos?

also damn way to give it away

what if someone just looked in that room and saw the secret message?

also how did the disc get changed? because the imf definitely didnt make that

and how did lane know where he was going?

speaking of lane---

dang that man is pretty

he always sets guns down carefully

i can only see alec baldwin as trump from his snl skits so i dont take hunley seriously ;-;

damn brandt needs to step it up. man keeps letting himself be inturrupted

bruh the imf is only luck

why did no one resrict his legs?

also why is janik such an asshole?

dang she cool !!

why does it take janik so long to get that gun?

bravo-echo 1-1

this man is bleeding but decided instead of taking care of his wound he calls brandt.

i like how you actually see ethan worried and confused trying to plan his next moves. he is rarely caught off guard so it's refreshing to see his more human side

hunley spitting accusations damn bro

also a big fuck you from ethan to hunley

dang ethan is good

brandts little hidden smile

and ethan leaving trails

bitch how you sketch that good???

STAN BENJI !!

youve won, your way out of a job

benji is good

my little brandt x benji shipper in me is happy

simon pegg is such a good actor

the first time i saw this i was like: aww noooo

all dunn with that

TO THE OPERA !!!

TUX BENJI TUX BENJI

i cant tell if that was ethan

it just looks like youre talking to yourself thats more sus than using a phone

want drama? go to the opera

ok but like if you look like that im sorry you are a bad guy. thats like a stereotypical bad guy face

benji-

you can see ethan in the background of that scene

flute gun flute gun

oh no benji is in the closet. dont worry man we love you

if i were there and i just had a good vantage point i could find lane in an instant

ooh ilsa pretty

pipe gun

also pamphlet computer

those key things are cool and plausible

spiderman spiderman does whatever, ethan hunt can?

a W O M A N

what W O M A N?

reminds me of a marshmallow gun i made out if pvc pipes.

why does she not put that thing back?

also the dude loads it and then later it is unloaded

dang that guy is pretty tall.

ethan is so tiny

dis bitch is like uhh gimmie a sec to catch my breath mate

why he only dropkick people?

only 30 mins in ?!?!

the cinematography is exquisite

yes benji goin sicko mode

*gets shot* just a flesh wound

bruh i would've been so startled at that

i love how confused he is at that

ilsa saves ethan once again

they did this on the first day of filming

skdjs

ah yes random package in car = not bomb totally

if she tried to shoot benji then yes she is a bad person

but she didnt try to, she could've easily but didn't

benji being paranoid

she could just say the dude's name

benji being scared

hunley jumping to conclusions

brandt actually cares yeey

why di they approach from different sides of the street they were in the same car.

benji was far away from the sparks why he flinch?

friendship goals

oop plot dump that only mission impossible can get away with

ok...

why this mf's voice so smooth

lane is struggling with chopsticks

also lane :))))

ive chocked on my water so many times watching this scene

lanes voice :))))))

SHE RUINED HIS SUSHI WHAT THE FUCK ILSA

this man dont know what personal space is

gotta look up these peeps mbti types

casablanca references

also benji is wearing dollar store lookin glasses while ethan is wearing some fancy glasses

luther is top notch

as much as i dont like jeremy renner he delivers these lines really well

because atlee is a bitch

oh honey please, impossible is a walk in the park

benji just wants to wear a mask

id be so nervous walking through those

yes...

personal wellbeing who?

why not bring a plastic bottle full of air?

tom cruise can hold his breath for 6 minutes and he learned to do so for that scene

luther big brain

damn cctv

why did they need to break in while benji was going in?

das sus but ok

also isnt et voila french?

she just randomly tapping the ipad

benji being stressed

if he missed the exact center

i want one of those to open my locker's lock

if he just went with the current and didnt try to force his way against the water ilsa wouldn't have had to save him

imagine if he put the wrong one in-

she is breathing heavily to over saturate her body with oxygen so she can hold her breath longer

see ilsa makes it out without well and she went with the current

BENJI'S OUTFIT YESSS :))))))

no you didn't

you gave her a false sense of security

ethan's confused face for the next like 10 mins is great

liar

why does that one man look like sean ambrose?

parkour

skdjdksjdjdkfjs

the facial acting in this

STAIRS STAIRS STAIRS

the glare yesss

vrrrm vrrm

hey its you !

drivin like a grandma

shit !

benji just screaming

im convinced that ethan is indestructible

no you didn't survive that

bonk

dskfh

ethan didnt just-

also why didnt benji just tell ethan he made a copy ???

dont shoot and drive kids

high speed motorcycle chase with no helmet or leather. tom cruise, how?

i wanna learn how to drive a motorcycle

HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD YET ?!?!

the lighting

ofc brandt would be the person why sits backwards on a chair. fkn bi vibes

benji to the rescue

fuck off atlee

i am so proud of us ...

the lines are done so well here

benji lookin like how i look when my parents argue

YES THIS SCENE

LANE LANE LANE LANE LANE

im too fucking gay for this movie-

once again no personal space

*inhales* :))))))))))))))

ive like memorized the entire script of this including the music

1 man performance of m:i5 ???

benji's outfit

also i love how youre able to see the characters in the background. props for the attention to detail

i need that haircut because his hair is lookin A+

fuck you atlee

ilsa spitting straight facts

uhh ilsa he still loves julia

NO BENJI NOOOO

EW FUCK OFF JANIK NO ONE LIKES YOU

speak of the devil-

betrayal--

WOULDNT YOU LIKE TO KNOW WEATHER BOY !??

actin sus

BENJI LANE BENJI LANE

his posture shdhskhsj (i cant be talking though)

0 personal space whatsoever

why does everyone have the same haircut in this???

simon mcburney pretending to be hunt prentending to be atlee

manipulation !?

the syndicate you say ? i know a thing or two about them 😼😼😼

damn though renner delivers these lines really well

a black tie? how informal. ..

complimenting hunt right infront of him

but he really didnt

i never realized that they were on the clock for this

huh...

the lil head nod though-

HAHA YEAH FUCK YOU ATLEE

is it bad that i hate atlee more than i hate lane?

ethan big smart wrinkle brain

janik just reading a fucking magazine

ethan has a photographic memory

oh look its benji :)))

lane :))))

ethan being tough

it must be aquward to get the low angle shots

lane is running out the clock to put pressure on ethan hmmm big brain

it isnt working though :\

damn he so cocky that hes telling the villain his plan

ill give you 1/5 of the money you wanted to get my bf back

ok but like does tom cruise just not age?

kill the woman

ugh i hate janik

the trust that is shown between those two is great

yes the score and the chase are so great

also this man really hates windows for some reason

fuck off janik

sneaky sneaky

EYY ITS LANE !!!

yeyy janik is dead

once again dodging bullets and hating glass

couldve killed him but needed him alive

the glass box

badass ethan

all the pretty men assembled

lane really let himself go aster this

dang though lane is my favorite villain ever

i like how for once the girl and the guy just are friends instead of romantically involved

eyy the callbacks to how the movie started.

welcome to the imf

#benji x brandt #mission impossible rogue nation #mission impossible #ethan hunt #benji dunn #luther stickell #ilsa faust #william brandt

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sickhumor · 4 years ago

Text

Sick and tasteless jokes

In the 1960's and '70's a sub-culture of VERY SICK AND DIRTY jokes made the rounds and they offended a good number of people. Folks are probably even more sensitive about such things in this day of "political correctness." I have found a stash of these jokes, eliminated some of the worst, and post others herein.

DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED/

______________________

Two gays were walking down the street and the first one said, "Hold it a sec - I smell fresh cock."

"No, you don't," said his companion. "I just burped."

______________________

Why do gays make lousy Santas?

Instead of filling your stockings, they try them on.

______________________

Two gays were having a drink at the bar when an attractive woman walked by. "Hmmrnmm, . ." said one appreciatively, eyeing her up and down.

"Oh, Tom!" shrieked his horrified friend. "Don't tell me you're going straight!"

"Nothing like that," said Torn musingly. "It's just that sometimes I can't help wishing I'd been born a lesbian. . . ."

_______________________

Did you hear that the gay canceled his ocean cruise?

He heard that Moby Dick was a whale.

_______________________

A gay guy was brushing his teeth when his gums started bleeding. "Thank God," he mumbled, "safe for another month."

________________________

Two young gay lovers were fighting:

"Drop dead!"

"Go to hell!"

"Kiss my ass!"

"Oh, so you wanna make up!"

_________________________

What's a gay mafioso?

A fairy godfather.

___________________________

What charges can you bring against a transvestite?

Male fraud.

___________________________

One fine day a cowboy walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll bet you a tall, cold beer that my pet alligator here can suck my cock."

"Okay, wiseguy, you got a deal," said the bartender.

The cowboy pulled out a long switch and slapped the alligator across its snout and opened his fly. Sure enough the alligator proceeded to slowly open his mouth and suck the cowboy's cock, slow and easy.

"Okay, you win the bet," said the bartender, "but I want to see it one more time."

One tap of the switch and the alligator went through his paces again. After three more performances, the cowboy turned to the amazed spectators and asked if there was anyone else who'd like to try it for themselves.

"I'll give it a shot," said a gay in the corner, "but only if you promise not to slap me with the switch."

__________________________

What's "tender love"?

A pair of homosexuals with hemorrhoids.

__________________________

Two gays were arguing:

"Butter!"

"Margarine"

"Butter!"

"Margarine!"

The first gay sighed. "Okay, darling, we'll compromise - let's use Vaseline."

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hullomoon · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

Transcription of speech provided by @cafetropical

I wanted to first acknowledge and send love and support to the trans community and everyone who marched today at the trans march in Washington. [applause] There is an epidemic of murders of black trans women, this is a crisis that needs to be seen and heard and acknowledged by the highest levels of power and influence in this country and around the world.

[applause]

I wanna start by thanking my friends and brilliant castmates who came and did this for me for their beautiful words, um, I’m beyond touched, I really am. Even if those words and their appearance here tonight were built into their Schitt's Creek contracts. By me. Nevertheless, I am thrilled to be up here to be accepting this award in your contractually obligated company. In all seriousness, I love you all very much and thank you so much for doing this for me, I don't… this is tough. I am very honored to have you all up here tonight.

Noah, thank you so much for the character of Patrick and bringing him to life with such heart and skill and compassion.

I want to thank GLAAD and Sarah Kate Ellis for this incredible honor, um, we’re Canadian so we don't accept things like this well.Standing up here, it's hard not to think back to a very specific time in my life when I was still in the closet. I was in high school, I had a bad faux hawk because the first Mission Impossible movie had come out and I thought Tom Cruise was a real drink of water. Um, when I was falling in love with my best friend and instead of being able to do anything about it, I watched him fall in love with someone else because I didn't have the courage to act publicly on my feelings. Thinking back to those formative days where I was missing out on all the good stuff because I was walking around with an invisible raincloud over my head, smiling through the heartbreak so as to avoid anyone asking me what was wrong, because I didn't have the strength to tell them. I think back to the bullying, the name-calling, the shoving, the side-eyes, a guy in math class calling me a faggot but then also telling my two straight girlfriends that they were lesbians because we went to Lilith Fair and that we all probably had sex with each other on weekends, to which I replied “that theory has some serious logistical flaws”… doesn't make sense.

I think back to that time where I legitimately thought I would have to live with this secret - my being gay - for the rest of my life because I didn't have the security of seeing a lot of people like myself being celebrated in popular culture.

I bring this up because when I was told I would be receiving this honor, I went back to that place and asked myself how did I get here, to this place, standing in front of all of you tonight, an out and proud gay Emmy loser.

And the answer was a three-parter.

I was supported by my friends, at the time a group of very strong, funny, dazzling young women, who were the keepers of my secret and the protectors of my soul. Never letting the threat of high school boys who didn't know how to process my closeted gayness affect my happiness.

I was encouraged by my high school English teacher who, one day after reading a long-form poem I submitted in lieu of an essay - partly because I didn't read the book and partly because my brain has a hard time following the rules - told me that there was something special in my writing and that I should I think about pursuing it. Up until that point, I hadn't even thought about being a writer.

And lastly, I was loved. I was lucky to have a family that supported me fiercely and unconditionally when I needed it the most. When I came out at 18, and my sister Sarah is here tonight, so…

I didn't wanna cry, again, one bread roll for an entire day, it's not okay.

Had I not had the support to build my courage, had I not been encouraged enough to find my strength, had I not had the love to give me a sense of security, I don't know if I would've found my way out of the closet, let alone create the opportunity for myself to tell stories on television that have effected some kind of positive change in the world.

Support, encouragement, and love. Three relatively simple acts of kindness that can change the course of a person’s life, and yet for so many members of our beautiful community, those simple transformation acts of kindness aren't just an arms reach away. Almost three-quarters of LGBT youths say they are more honest about themselves online than in the real world.

A national study found that 40% of transgender adults have reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of those individuals said it happened before the age of 25.

The statistics are staggering and seemingly endless, which is why when I found myself in a position to tell stories on a global scale, I seized the opportunity to make a television show that might, in its own way, offer some support, encouragement, and love to those who might not have it in their homes, in their schools, or in their day-to-day lives. It was… [applause] it was a small way of paying back the generosity that had been shown to me, while at the same time, creating space on television for queer characters that I could relate to.

The result was Schitt’s Creek. A place where everybody fits in. A place where love is celebrated and people’s differences are a reason to start a conversation, not end one. It’s a place where my character David, a pansexual man with really intense pants and sweaters, can fall in love with his now fiancé Patrick, a gay man, without fear of consequence. It’s a place where acceptance incubates joy and creates a clarity that allows people to see themselves and each other more deeply. It’s fiction, yes, but I've always been told to lead by example and this felt like a good place to start.

[applause]

So, thank you to GLAAD for this vote of confidence, for validating the idea that entertainment can affect positive change. I promise to continue to do my part in celebrating this radiant community in all the work that I do, big and small, and honoring the incredible work that GLAAD does on a daily basis.

On that note, I would like to raise a glass to all of you for coming out here tonight and supporting, and encouraging, and loving this organization that does just that for so many people. This is a night I won't forget, thank you so much.

[applause]

#dan levy #glaad gala #long post

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stuckasmain · 4 years ago

Text

I still don’t think your ready for it, but here’s my Batb Cruise show review:

Yes you read the title completely right, I was made aware of this a day or two ago but apparently one of the Disney Cruises is doing/did beauty and the beast the musical but based upon the live action movie. So naturally a massive fan of the live action I was both shocked and wildly confused, lucky for me I found a video on the entire performance(likely taken from a cruise tv.) from what I skimmed over it looks like instead of full body suits to look like they are it’s going to be regular (human outfits.) and then puppets, so I am Really really interested to see how this goes.

The timing is a little off we skip the prologue (Aria etc.) and start straight in How does a moment last forever... are they placing Belle after it? It was before in the movie. Wait oh my god he’s also narrator- it is the prologue! Pulled a sneaky one on ya.

•Adams dramatic sassy hand movements are my entire life (no dance just this art right here.)

•The enchantress looks straight outa Atlantis but I LOVE the effects used omllll

• MARIE THE BAGUETTES.

•who needs her when you’ve got us (LE DUO OMG- it’s the thing.)

•from what I’m seeing it’s a combination of both the animated and live action, as some lyrics/moments are the animated , like Lefou reverted back to his original sorta idiot phase.

•met HER saw HER *kick* we stan.

•Lefou just waving his bag in the girls face. Legend lmao.

•a LOT more comedy then the movie. When Gaston drops the Boquet Lefou picks it up and smells it and just melts all cute like. My heart?

•”keep moving old legs.”

•Gaston is also a lot more like the animated, more dumbed down for comedic effect.

•so there’s no Philippe so some dudes took her dads wagon. That’s how jumanji started you know smh.

•PUPPETS IM SCREAMING.

Lumire looks like he’s absolutely losing his mind I’m deadddd. Also Cogsworth’s wig is my entire life.

• ok so the beasts voice- he sounds like a Pirate I’m crying “ee stole me rose matey.”

•belle straight up using the stick like a musket

•OML SO I NOW SEE THE EYES ON THE PUPPET AND IM LOSING MY DAMN MIND.

•storage space! Storage space! For all of Lumiere’s shoes! His shoes yes he had a feel large collection of shoes- he rather likes Heels-

Cogsworth.

What?

Stop talking.

•while my love massages my tight caves.

I’ll massage your caves Gaston!

Who has no one snatched you up yet? (He didn’t say girl :0)

•everyones awed and inspired by au

Gaston placing a hand to his chest.

•Gaston kissing his own portait, no bimbettes Lefou sings their line, no Tom , Dick or stanley that I can see either

•they all start russian dancing instead of the stopping/sword fight. Weird flex but ok.

Now the girls are... is that the cancan?

•Fun cult activity’s with friends

•lefou dreamily gasping over gaston along with the women.

•WHERED THE UKALELE COME FROM?!

• they kept my favorite line :)

•So Gaston has the French flag now? Also Maurice runs in automatically? Damn there goes pacing i guess- like aren’t they supposed to be together for at least awhile before going after her jeez

•why’s every single woman in this show use a super high pitched cutesy voice “YeAaA!” Is the audience one year olds and dogs???

•Gaston was a captain :0 Damn high rank.

•or a Budae *laughing* *distant roar* *s c r e a m *

•Madame de Garderobe has me screaming lmaoooo

•Mrs.Potts was a governess? Wack.

•ok so I cant describe the noise i made

L: OH YES! Darling

P: high pitched giggling.

The stage is still black and I can’t breathe-

They were definitely- whatever the equivalent would be of making out

•This plan is uh Dangerous~

I’m-I’m gay for the featherduster. This is not allowed. THEY ARE SO CUTE I CANNOT FUNCTION.

*more adorable couple giggling*

Cogsworth coughing

•food fashion show.. I cannot... I can’t function.

•Lumiere being dramatic:

Coggsworth: if i had hands, I’d slap you.

•*Whispers*Skin.

That’s- that’s not creepy at all lmao.

C’Est LA SALADE I CANT BREATHE WHATS HAPPENING.

•you lost me 2 verses ago now there’s cheese

•no one:

Plumette giggling and calling out everything:

•HOW IS MADAME DOWNSTAIRS IM SO CONFUSED

•OWWWWWWWWEWWWWWWWWWWW.

That hurts.

•ok so Mrs. Potts being a governess in this version now makes sense as she’s the one to start days in the sun instead of the queen/little Adam

•So Candenza is completely gone from this version????? So Lumierè and Plumette get both love lines from the song. Their still busy being cute as hell tho. (Does this imply their also singers? Pretty sure their still just footman/maid.)

•cogsworth now has Mrs.Potts lines but his voice is great.

•instead of soup it’s tea he I N H A L E and belle looks SO done lmao. Also no library?

•oh jeez yea no library just straight into something there.

•oh so the library is now IN something there, alright.

•Adam just DECKS Lumiere. Idk what that was about lmao - showing he’s nice now by uppercutting a candlestick across the room.

• BELLE:D this dork-

•Hes making jokes now.

•SWORDS. FIGHTING.

•”we love you.” But... everyone is still all-

Ok so either Mrs.Potts is a massive liar or they don’t count

•the dress is low key just as underwhelming as in the film

• Adam is trying *SHOVES CHAMPAGNE IN FACE*

•Plumette keeps running on and off stage idk what that’s about.

•the danceeeee

•Adam keeps talking about his mom

•no evermore ;-; my favorite song and it’s gone for a 5 second day’s in the sun reprise.

I’m wounded.

•belle casually taking a dudes knife to cut them free

•I feel like the mob song is cute down a lot, also Lumiere comes in sliding on his knees. Respect.

•”Gaston help.” Is kinda like nothing now as they have been so comedic. I feel nothing.

•i like the way they executed the final fight (beast/Gaston as servents vs the villages was literally nothing.)

•Lumiere sliding in on his knees again *French accent*YAAAAAAS

•ok so the death scene still hurts me like a truck.

Lumire: guys we did it :)

*literally watches the love of his life, his best friend and other friends die(yes it’s technically death.)*

Everyone steps away from the puppet and turns around, the lighting goes dark I’m - ;-;

•the prince is low key better in the suit the guy playing him is uhhhhhhhh I know the whole point is to look past Appearance but who’s dad is this?

•I’m absolutely SCREAMING. Instead of the dramatic one by one they all pop up together and collectively go :00000 what?! Whoa!

•Lumiere and Plumette low key not even a “hi.” Just kiss and start dancing. Mood.

•Ballet attack part 2 and middle aged prince returns.

•No chip or Madame at the end either! :0

•oh wait here’s chip!

Cogsworth melting in the background is me

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬/𝐏𝗼𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐬

so as I’ve said it’s like a mash up of the original and the remake with some of the choices it makes, I think it really makes or breaks some of the characters.

Lefou/Gaston-

Both of them fell back more into their Cartoon counterparts of : here to be the bad guy, here to be funny. Both of them become so overly comedic that you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s line was whos if you were shown them without being told. I think , funny as they were it negatively effected their character’s. Same case with the beast he definitely became more comedic if anything at all.

Lumierè/Cogsworth/Plumette-

These guys I think are the opposite. I think having a slight bit more of the animated made both banter and flirting hike it’s way up. Cogsworth and Lumierè were more showy in their banter , while Lumierè and Plumette were much more loud and showy with banter. Also the accents are art. Mrs. Potts was there to be the mother like figure and not given much of herself

Rip to chip who had like 4 lines and didn’t even show up to seconds before curtain. Also Madame de Garderobe who was there to be a good singer and nothing more as she lost her whole arc.Rip to Cadenza, Frou frou , Chapu and Philippe for being written out all together.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬/𝐭𝐡𝗼𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

As I’ve said the changes either make or break some moments, like adding a overwhelming amount of comedy like the og movie. As funny as it was it did not have that same weight/gravity the remake did in its more serious/emotional scenes like the death/human again scenes I felt little here and Gaston betraying Lefou. As well as having the more serious/soft songs as the remake really backfired with so much comedy, and not even the more Witty subtle humor of the movie. Funny, but odd as character choice

So I know you had to cut it down a lot in order to fit it on stage however, nessisary parts or songs (evermore ;-;) were completely excluded likely do to the slightly unessisary over extension of dance numbers in Gaston(that didn’t need it) and Be our guest. Which could have been time better spent.

The servants are the absolute saving grace of this musical. The costumes! Oh!(again cogsworths wig is my life.) the humor! The acting, the singing, the relationships- all of it- all of it. They carry the entire thing, and if I’m honest it’s mainly Lumierè, Cogsworth and Plumette, occasionally Mrs. Potts if you stretch.

#batb 2017 #beauty and the beast 2017 #disney cruise #disney cruise show????#buckle up bitches #la salde #this was meant to have photos forgive me im lazy

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eurosong · 5 years ago

Text

My ESC ‘20 ranking

Good morning folks, on this rather melancholy “Eurovision day.” Whilst this year may be cancelled and its songs pretty callously binned by the EBU, 2020 was a diverse year that deserves taking a close look at too, so here goes my customary full ranking of the year. I express some candid opinions, but they are just my take on things, no shade intended if you disagree.

41. Estonia - What love is It’s always most difficult to pick a last place because, no matter how sleek Eurovision gets, there are still a few abject horrors that sneak into the contest. With a score that would have been dated 30 years back, and lyrics that manage the peculiar double act of being both pompous and anodyne, this is horrid enough before Uku’s dubious xenophobic comments and his prevailing over a field of much more compelling songs get taken into account.

40. Macedonia - You The Macedonians, having achieved their best result ever last year (I’m happy for them, but also, Kaliopi deserved that), decided that they soared too close to the sun with Proud and decided to crash land this year to build their energy to soar again. That’s the only reasonable explanation I have for this effort which deeply repels me, doubling down on Luca Hänni’s “cocky guy in a sleazy bar” æsthetics and adds to it even worse lyrics, castrato singing and the unintended levity of the interpreter being far more interested in the bartender. Also one of a maddening number of duplicate titles that were nowhere near as good as the originals.

39. Cyprus - Running What is this void in the space of a song? I’ve listened to it dozens of times to do ratings over the past months. I’m still left with an icy emptiness because it does nothing to me, says nothing to me. The only thing that I can say in its favour is that it’s not a replay of replay aka Fuego 3. That’s it. It’s like it’s designed to leave little impression and hope to cruise by on diaspora and friendly votes alone.

38. Austria - Alive Austria have been on an interesting Eurovision journey, going from winning with Conchita to serving up this chirpy homophobe doing his best impression of Timberlake. A monumental step back from the singular tenderness of Pænda.

37. France - Mon alliée (The best in me) La déception de l’année sans doute. France, one of Europe’s cultural powerhouses, really said “forget Destination Eurovision, which showcased our music scene’s diversity and was one of the fandom’s favourite newer NFs. Let’s abolish it all and bring in the guys who made Bigger than us, because we really want a piece of that Big 5 bottom place action! Let’s throw away our cultural caché and get something about as French as flatpack furniture!”

This is like going to a pricey restaurant in Paris, expecting haute cuisine and instead getting some microwave-reheated IKEA köttbullar. And can we talk about how Amir of J’ai cherché fame is partly to “thank” for this in one of the biggest heel turns of the year? It’s like he wanted to ensure that France TV beg him to return by safeguarding his excellent score from being equalled. I also have to say, Tom Leeb seems like a nice guy with a good voice. He did his best to salvage this with the acoustic version, which lifts it up a few places. But not so many given that that Westlife reject b-side ending with a key change remains.

36. Germany - Violent thing Speaking of major cultural players dumping their national finals for no good reason, guten Tag, Deutschland! Germany once had one of the best and certainly most diverse NFs going. Instead of dumping Barbara Schönenberger as hostess - every year she’s presented, Germany have had calamity, and the one year they did well, 2018, she wasn’t host - they decided to pin all their hopes on a bewildered looking gossoon from Slovenia with yet another Timberclone song and some rather dubious live vox. As his countrywoman Lea Sirk said, it’s a hvala ne from me.

35. Spain - Universo Yes, it’s another year of the Big 5 not living up to its automatic qualification rights (except you, Italy, thank you for being the exception to the rule.) So here we’ve got a bland effort from Spain to avoid being bottom 5, except that ain’t how ESC works - you need something to get people to waste their money on voting for your song. And for me, this surely is not it. This was a bit higher on my ranking before because there are more objectively objectionable songs out there. But the nonsensical, repetitive lyrics, the painful attempt at a high note on perdónameeee, and getting stuck on a bus where I had to put up said screeching being played 5+ times means #35 is about right for where it deserves.

34. Armenia - Chains on you Armenia, usually a reliable mainstay in the top half of my listings at least, instead served up one of the most bewilderingly impalatable NFs of the season where every song sounded imported from the ESC anni horribili of the 00s. This has grown on me a little bit - I like tin drums and I like her weird accent - but the lyrics are amongst the year’s most pitiful (“ya wanna take me to a party, because you’re naughty”) and it just feels cheep to me. 33. Bulgaria - Tears getting sober I don’t see the appeal in this bewildering merger of dirge and Disney, and this is coming from someone who likes melancholic music more times than not. I find this one straight up unpleasant to listen to. The lyrics are of someone passive-aggressively glorying in the pain they wallow in to return the hurt, in “look how much you’re making me hurt myself” style. The syrupy score replete with key change is a bizarre, ghoulish accompaniment. Only this high because I recognise some artistic merit in its production.

32. Azerbaijan - Cleopatra Are Azerbaijan now at the stage where they’ve decided to pastiche themselves? The country with the worst LGBT rights of all contesting ESC having the monumental neck to send a song about “gay or straight or in between”? The country who have almost religiously avoided sending anything with any actual Azeri national character or heritage sending a song written by a Canadian, an American and a Frisian about a Greek-Egyptian ruler with a Japanese mantra and Latin affectations, so sending us around the world to pretty much everywhere except Azerbaijan? What can I say in favour of it? It’s a little bit catchy. So are venereal diseases.

31. Poland - Empires How can a country who started their ESC journey with aplomb - and experimental gems like Sama and Chcę znać swój grzech - and who continue to serve in the junior contest, how can they be so almost studiedly bland in ESC these days? This is our 564th knockoff Bond tune, sung a little awkwardly and with lyrics written by a Year 8 who’s been given a creätive writing assignment where they have to use metaphors. “We’re gasoline and a match!” Wow. If it passed to the final, it would only because of loyal Poles abroad.

30. Greece - Superg!rl We leave the territory of complete dirges and enter that of songs I can sort of live with. This one’s a huge step back for the Hellenes though after the gorgeous Better love. Its odd chorus is memorable, but not for the best reasons. Its saving grace is its unintentionally humorous promotional video. A better use of those superpowers would have been to come up with a better song.

29. Moldova - Prison Remember the fun Moldova that used to bring songs like Hora din Moldova and Lautar, with some actual national flavour and flair? That’s long gone. Even the Moldova that brought terrible songs but fun stagings, like that of My lucky day, seems far lost into the fogs of time too. Another wholly unremarkable and mediocre production of the Scream Team that would be lucky to scrape into the finals. 28. Belgium - Release me Has Belgium learnt absolutely nothing in the years Blanche where the wheels of their ESC renaissance have fallen decidedly off? My feeling is no. I have to salute them to some degree for creating nice, very musical compositions, but just like in the past two years, they have forgotten to add a few key elements: some sense of progression or dynamism. This plods along repetitively on one track, one note, and that note is nice enough as background music, but my hunch is that track would have led them to another unsurprising “surprise” NQ.

27. Serbia - Hasta la vista It’s an earworm, but some earworms leave you wanting to get an aural exorcism. Somehow, some sort of collective insanity overcame Serbia and they decided to dump on their beautiful oeuvre of songs, go completely against their trend for qualitative, classical, brooding, orchestral music by instead picking a bunch of time travellers who had been a third rate girl band in Transnistria. How enough Serbians thought they’d win over Europe by going for a sound that was dated even when they made their début bemuses me. 26. UK - My last breath The UK are really soaring high in my rankings as... the last amongst the 26 songs that would make up my notional perfect final. Baby steps. I still think it’s pretty lame how the BBC tanked their own national final for this. It’s not so adventurous. It has so little to say that it’s half a minute shorter than the ESC standard and yet still consists of repetition. It has one of the most annoying chorus quirks with that beat in “my last... breath.” How did this get up this high again?

25. Albania - Fall from the sky It absolutely pains my heart to put Albania out of the top 20 after two thunderous years in which they captured my gold and bronze respectively. What makes it worse is that they could have had a perfect hat-trick, because the original, Albanian language version “Shaj” was my #1 song from December up until mid-March when they released this thin gruel of a revamp with all the things that gave Shaj some authenticity and flavour gone, and with beautiful, heart-rending lyrics replaced with cliché. Only this high because there are plenty of worse songs.

24. Czechia - Kemama I have a soft spot for poor Benny, the interpreter of this song. Ok, so it beat a field containing some vastly superior songs, but it’s nice to have a Czech song without weird lyrics about women for the first time in a while, and the way the kid was put through the ringer for his more Afrobeat-influenced revamp made me sad. For me, it gained a bit of flavour with that change. The lyrics are still poor but I like the colourful musical backdrop.

23. Israël - Feker libi 🇮🇱 Sometimes, you don’t think much of a song but the artist elevates it enormously. Such is the case with Feker libi, a bizarre pot pourri of styles with a very discordant tropical verse (which I like), mid-90s dance track chorus (which I don’t), middle eastern post-chorus and African-sounding outro (jury’s out on both.) Yet Eden Alene is so full of natural charm and exudes “I want to be your friend” that I can’t help but rewatch just because of how joyous she makes it.

22. San Marino - Freaky 🇸🇲 Speaking of atypical countries flying high in my ranking, all was set for San Marrano to take non-pride of place at the bottom of my ranks yet again, but somehow, I ended up quite enjoying their track this year. Yes, San Marino is still a weird zone where, when you descend to Rimini in Italy, you enter the new millennium, but returning up the tiny nation’s steep slopes, you head back to a time in the 70s when disko was king. This disco is fun though. In part thanks to Senhit, a sympathetic performer who deserved more in 2011, in part the lyrics - who doesn’t want to rip up the rules, write new ones and then destroy them too?

22. Switzerland - Répondez-moi It’s nice to have the Swiss singing in a national language for the first time in ages. It’s also nice that they didn’t fall back on their success with Hänni by going with a similar so-called bOp. I also really love some of the artist’s other tracks, like Babi. And I liked this a fair bit more upon first listen, but the combination of less than stellar lyrics - just a succession of somewhat emoïsh rhetorical questions; just because they’re in French, doesn’t make them deep - and a wailing falsetto have made my will to relisten to this often take a serious hit for me. A shame, as musically, it has some undoubted quality. 20. Denmark - Yes 🇩🇰 Denmark seems to be doubling down on 2019 to develop its new niche - catchy, sweet but ultimately a little overly gooey love songs. There’s always something a little bit imperfect about them though: last year it was Leonora’s serial killer-esque nervous gaze; this year, it’s the “I’m not going to even try to make pretend we’re an item” lack of energy from Tan. It’s a little bit too reheated “Little talks” but it’s decent enough.

19. Russia - Uno 🇷🇺 When this first was released, days after the deadline for submitting songs, I was pretty peeved at what seemed like a pisstake against the contest, a bizarre rehash of Aqua for the meme age. And yet.. maybe it’s the quarantine slowly driving me insane, maybe it’s the sheer infectiousness of this that just makes you want to dance, maybe it’s the epic energy of the backing singer (Rosa from Brooklyn 99’s twin) who looks like she wants to kill everyone else... but I’ve actually grown to like this enough to put it top 20. I’m not always entirely predictable!

18. Norway - Attention 🇳🇴 There’s a lot of things that tick my yes boxes with this song, like the beautiful orchestral music laid out by the famed Mørland or the simple but sincere performance. There are also things that take a Sharpie and scrawl in my no boxes too, like the somewhat whiny tone of the vocals or the adolescent and lyrics which, with their “oy’d change anyffink abaat moyself fur a boi” tone, don’t flatter the singer, and from Mørland, I expect better. There’s more good than bad here though, and it has been an earworm since the day it was selected.

17. Belarus - Da widna 🇧🇾 I don’t know what was in the water this year, but we got a bunch of great Slavic language songs, including from countries that don’t typically send songs except in English. I like the chilled out vibe and the curious lyrics. Their live version for Eurovision Home Concerts with just an acoustic guitar sounded a whole lot better, I must say.

16. Australia - Don’t break me 🇦🇺 I’m finally overcoming the horror of the bizarre clown mise-en-scène complete with ropey lyrics at Australia decides and judging this on its potential. Hands down Australia’s best entry at the contest for me. Musically, it’s strong, and lyrically, it’s compelling and very saudadic. I’m sad we won’t see what a glow-up their final staging could have provided. I really hope it wouldn’t have involved clowns, which seriously tanked the song in my ranking for months, no joke.

15. Portugal - Medo de sentir 🇵🇹 A Portuguese entry outside of my top ten? Given their form with me since 2015, this might seem like a harbinger of the apocalypse. I still like it quite a bit, but there are stronger songs this time. It’s heartfelt, the lyrics are powerful (about being afraid to feel again after being hurt) and the melody is pretty. The live was a bit cagey especially because of the not particularly well synchronised voices of Elisa and the pianist, who composed the song. Still a very nice song and it is great to see Portugal staying faithful to its language, but I can’t help but feel sad that songs more in line with its riskier, more trailblazing previous few years. Passe-partout or Gerbera amarela do sul would have been in my top 3 like last year.

14. Latvia - Still breathing 🇱🇻 If you told me in January that not only would this song not be disliked, it’d also end up in my top 15 of the year, I’m sure incredulous laughter would have been the most polite response you’d have probably gotten. And yet - the song I couldn’t stand in Supernova has won me over and I do want to see Samanta Tina return for 2021 since she evidently cares so deeply about ESC so is pretty much one of us. I’ve come to love the weirdness of the track - real meat and gravy given the number of anodyne tracks - the iconic pre-corona hygienic leitmotif of its staging. ST’s joie de vivre and command of the stage. It’d be a guilty pleasure except I don’t feel guilty for it.

13. Georgia - Take me as I am 🇬🇪 Georgia once again are dancing to the beats of their very anarchic drummer and I love them for that. This thinly veiled swipe at both the Big 5 coasting in mediocrity and at narrow-minded fans’ reäctions to Georgia’s extremely varied oeuvre just hits the spot for me. I love the musicality of it, the dark electro-rock vibes, Tornike’s voice and how it blends perfectly with his captivating backing singers. I always vote with my feet for something different in an era where people are aiming to qualify with safe and bland rather than taking risks.

12. Romania - Alcohol you 🇷🇴 Roxen provided one of the most iconic moments of the season by deliberately tanking the ordained bop amongst her national final songs. Her eventual song is one of the most emotional of the year, and also one of the most surprisingly literary: there are tonnes of nuances, allusions, wordplays and so forth in this text, most of which are a lot more graceful than the titular terrible pun. I humbly put it to folk who thinks that this romanticises alcohol that they are missing the point - it’s instead being used as a metaphor for toxic relations which, by the end of the song, Roxen has broken away from. I love her voice, I love the music. It fell briefly out of my affections because of the weird mini-revamp, but it’s risen again.

11. Ukraine - Solowej 🇺🇦 It’s fabulous to see Ukraine singing a song entirely in their language and I hope this trend continues across the Slavic nations like was notable this year. The timeless folksy elements mixing with modern beats makes a curious and entrancing blend, delivered with aplomb. It takes where Poland 2019 went wrong and puts it right. I could have done without the unnecessary revamp, but it’s still one of the year’s freshest cuts. Well done, Widbir!

10. Slovenia - Voda 🇸🇮 In an age where the likes of Albania is stripping away all the beautiful orchestral flourishes of its entry to make a pared and muted revamp, Slovenia went full throttle in the opposite - and in my mind, right - direction and made one of the very few good revamps of the season. Performing with the Budapest philharmonic orchestra, Ana Soklič, who, for my money, has one of the best female voices of the year, unleashed the cinematic, sweeping beauty of Voda. I think this would have surprised many people by doing quite well. On musical and vocal merit alone, and adding to that the subdued saudade of its lyrics, it deserved a lot more love.

09 Malta - All of my love 🇲🇹 In 2018, I would have sooner said that it was more probable for me to have become Grand-Duke of Luxembourg than it was for me to have loved a Maltese song, let alone two i n a r o w. I didn’t expect much of this at all, because I expected we’d get a wailing vocal exhibition, as Ian used to say, focused on exhibiting Destiny’s range rather than giving her a genuinely good song. But this is a genuinely good song. Once again, I love for the gospel edge it has, and Destiny’s vocals soar to impressive heights, without feeling unnatural or ostentatious. I should have known to expect good things with the regal Cesár Sampson on board.

08 Lithuania - On fire 🇱🇹 Prior to this year, few people had any hopes for Lithuania’s long-winded national final selection process. The idea of it being must-watch viewing when there were many other more compelling choices on offer was hilarious. In 2020, that changed. They changed the name to the hilarious but hopeful “Let’s try again”, had a number of fantastic songs, and became one of the most diverse and qualitative highlights of the NF season. The eventual winners, The Roop, deserved the accolade with this cool, super contemporary track with a brilliant dance routine and a genuinely important message about not giving up on yourself.

07. Sweden - Move 🇸🇪 At MF this year, the Swedes put a match to its protracted ‘cocky fuckboi with polished, soulless overproduced pop song’ era, hopefully for good, with an all-female top 4. I will always lament Dotter missing out narrowly, but I’ve still been brought plenty of joy by the radiant Mamas with their fabulous hand-choreography and genuine warmth, and this song of resilience through the tough times. I love gospel-tinged music and this really makes me smile.

06 Ireland - The story of my life 🇮🇪 Before this was announced, I heard Ireland’s track being compared to the oeuvre of pretty much every major 00s female pop star. I was quizzical, but upon hearing it, could see why. In a year with a lot of beige, this is just one big orange and yellow blast of colourful late 90s/early 00s nostalgia, hope, resilience. The kind of anthem I never knew I needed but came right on time. I can’t listen to its wry, conversational lyrics without wanting to dance along. And Lesley Roy herself is an icon. My favourite effort from Ireland since Playing by numbers, and I really hope she returns in 2021.

05 Finland - Looking back 🇫🇮 I’ll never forget a mural in the part of València where I used to live that said “we’re not different for the sake of being different”, and that could sum up my attitudes to Eurovision. Whilst it seemed almost everyone was behind Cicciolina in Finland, I had scant hope for my favourite, and was blown away when it actually did win. This melancholy meditation on the passing of time and people - “we never know what we have until it’s over and we’re looking back” - became emblematic of this year for me and added to what was already a really poignant and moving track. I love the musical style too and the smoothness of Aksel’s voice and how it contrasts with his evident awkward shyness. It has moved me so much that it had to end up top 5.

04 Croatia - Divlji vjetre 🇭🇷 I always will represent and bring love for the Balkans and their adhesion to their musical traditions. This was one of the most pleasant surprises of the NF season for me - I was expecting very little from Croatia, and instead, it greeted me with this beauty. You have the understated classic grace of the music, the exquisite melancholy and poeticism of the lyrics, and one of the finest male vocals of the season. My favourite Croatian track in almost 15 years.

03 Italy - Fai rumore 🇮🇹 Sanremo isn’t just a national final, it’s a cultural experience that digs into your heart over the course of a whole week. This was one of the most memorable I have followed yet - and what a truly deserving winner. It’s just another example of the seemingly endless supply of heartfelt tunes by classy, sincere performers that Italy has on tap, with one of the best lyrics of the contest and the extra level of poignancy from how the lyrical theme of isolation would come to represent us all.

02 Iceland - Think about things 🇮🇸 One of my nerviest and happiest moments of the entire NF season was seeing Daði Freyr and friends win Söngvakeppnin in Iceland. As much as I loved Svala’s Paper, I had also adored his song three years prior - the delightfully awkward and similarly irrepressably earwormy Is this love. And now he was back with a groovy, fun, heartwarming tune about fatherhood that has only continued to grow in my estimations. The bridge still full on gives me goosebumps. It’s the kind of song that just makes me marvel at being human and being on this earth.

01 Netherlands - Grow 🇳🇱 My top few songs are all very closely entwined so much so that they could be considered joint winners, but I’ve been pretty unequivocal ever since Shaj got torpedoed by its revampire: silver turned to gold and my previous 2nd place, Grow, became my new favourite. I love the heartfelt, sparsely poëtic, bravely confessional lyrics. I love the way that it goes from something minimalist and intimate with just organ and voice and slowly builds upon the hints of gospel to something truly anthemic. Such a meticulous arrangement where there’s not a single sound out of place. This song is pure art and, like Soldi, Mall, APD and all those preceding songs which had the magic of being my personal favourite, it moves me upon every listen.

#eurovision #eurovision song contest #esc 2020 #opinion #eurovision 2020 #esc

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