#today we found out that 3 is enough to kick a troll | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 13 years ago

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2011 OMG, this is SOOO fucking funny! Especially if it works and it seems to be so far. The troll never takes more than a week off from my blog, so I’ll know for sure soon enough. She’s in almost every day. I looked for ways to block IPs for free and found a site that lets you block up to 3 IPs for free. If I installed the code in the proper place, the troll will be redirected to the site. She is going to be in for a real WTF? moment! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

I was almost tempted to block Andy, too. If I did I wouldn’t have to worry about him leaving any nasty comments and then I wouldn’t have to disable that and block wanted comments just to keep him out. But I think I’ll leave him alone so long as he doesn’t go causing any trouble. Molly’s a whole different story, though. She’s nosing in my blog because she likes to stalk people that dislike her and she wants to see if she or any of her former friends are mentioned.

One more day of work for Tom then it’s back to listing stuff on eBay. I just hope he doesn’t come home saying that they said the job has ended and not to come back next Monday! I don’t think it would be them to tell him that, though. Last time the temp agency called in the evening to break the lovely news.

I’m debating whether or not I want to run today and yes, I’m using PMS as an excuse if I don’t. :) It’s so nice to have only the physical symptoms of PMS this time around and not the emotional ones. I guess it really helps to have a life once and for all! I just keep hoping it lasts.

Later…

Heard from Andy on Formspring and am glad I did. :) Deep down I was hoping I would, too. Getting pissed is one thing, but the thought of literally never talking to him again is another. Like it or not the guy’s like family, LOL. We’ve been through so much together and we have so much in common and have known each other all our lives.

Anyway, he said he was glad I was back on Formspring, loves me, was depressed for a month, and hopes I’ve forgiven him for offending me. As I told him, we all say shit we shouldn’t say at times, including me.

He’ll be in Phoenix next week and offered to take pics of our old house, but nah. Who needs reminders since I wasn’t very happy there? The only thing I miss about the place is the pool.

He said he read about the day they stopped our Unemployment checks and said he prayed really hard for Tom to get a job. Well, something listened, that’s for sure. And its timing couldn’t have been better. We could’ve made it with eBay in addition to this job, but not with the toy store job.

What we don’t get is why someone asked personal questions about him and why he can’t leave blog comments. I checked several times and it’s not only set to allow for anonymous comments, but I turned the modifier off too, so comments should post immediately.

He got a kick out of the dream I had where I was bike riding with a topless Shelley. I’m not surprised, LOL.

Unless the troll simply skipped out on nosing into my blog today, it looks like I did apply the block successfully. :)

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 29, 2011 “25 years ago we had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Today we have Obama, no cash and no hope.”

LOL

Someone sent me a link on my diary and my first thought was that it was just someone trying to sell me something. But instead, it was a beautiful song and video about faith.

It got me thinking about that horrifying moment when Tom returned from the mail place and the grocery store and said, “You were right, no more Unemployment checks.” That gut-wrenching moment when my heart seemed to drop to the pit of my stomach and then me saying: You’ve filled out every goddamn application you could just to get nowhere these last 6 months! It’s the middle of the month and we haven’t a penny toward the rent. What are the odds of you getting a job in just two weeks?!”

And then by some miracle, he got a job, the doll we thought would sell for $150 sold for $435, a friend I haven’t seen since I was 11 cared to do more than just read about my situation and sent us some money even though I didn’t ask for a dime because I did not think we would survive anyway.

I still don’t know what saved us, but the timing was so amazingly miraculous that I find it hard to believe it was “coincidental.” I just wish I didn’t have to live in the fear of the shit hitting the fan for the zillionth time so I could fully enjoy the good times we’re presently experiencing. I’m not ungrateful and it’s not like I’m not enjoying them or that I could ever take times like this for granted. But the pattern is there. We’ve only had a few short bursts of smoother sailing since coming to Cali. Usually for just a few weeks with one of those bursts lasting for 6 months. So knowing we’ve been down much more than we’ve been up, it’s really hard not to fear that evil doesn’t silently lurk in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce yet again.

Will there be any miracle to save us next time?

For a while, I had no will to live. Then I thought I had no choice in the matter anyhow. But once I saw the first faint glimmer of hope I fought to live and to basically help get our lives back.

I run 3 miles most days of the week. I work my arms for 20 minutes and then my abs for an additional 10 minutes. I get pissed as easily as I don’t get scared. Despite some flab still hanging on, your average man and woman could not take me. looks toward the devil lurking in the shadows Wanna try me again MF?

Later…

I reactivated Formspring, though I admit I did it more because I’m curious to see if Andy contacts me than for any other reason. I like how you can now add pics to questions/answers. I probably shouldn’t bother, though, since he’s probably just going to piss me off again sooner or later.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2011 Tom’s job is still going well, I’m still busy working online, and we’re nearly at $700 in eBay sales. :) Sydney sold yesterday for $68 and will be going down to SoCal, Emme has two bids, and Tyler just got her first bid. I could do this every day! But sooner or later we will run out of things to sell or have to put them on hold till we can get more boxes. But we’re making enough now that we can spend money on boxes if we can’t find any for free. Can’t wait to list the Barbie lot and Tonner fashions this weekend, though. Not sure if we’ll list any more Tonner dolls just yet.

I love Tom and he’s a helluva great guy who’s more than ideal, but as with myself and everyone else on the planet, he’s not perfect. I sometimes wish he had more of a sense of humor and was more passionate, but I think that’s just part of his shy nature. Having a sense of humor and being more passionate are traits that tend to go more with aggressive types and those kinds of people can be worse overall in some cases.

I definitely wish he was younger! I’ve always liked older women and a few men. But as we ourselves start to get older we start focusing on the fact that women usually live 5-10 years longer than guys and when your husband’s 8½ years older than you, you wish he could suddenly be 5-10 years younger.

No scary dreams. Not unless you want to call bike riding with a topless Shelley Rome scary, LOL. Her chest looked exactly like a man’s too, only it was hairless. I am a bit worried, however, that we may have a propane leak of some kind around here cuz I swore the smell of propane woke me up and I can smell it in the kitchen somewhat. I really thought we were out because right at the very end when the tank empties out it does put out the smell of propane a bit. But we both showered just fine this morning so we’ll see.

Later…

I don’t get some people. Not only do I not get why someone would read the journal of someone they didn’t like as a person stated in the last post, but why would anyone tell me, “Why don’t you just aim to please? If it makes a friend happy, why not say you’re for or against something they’re for or against, and if they don’t believe or understand you, why not just say you’re only joking or something like that?”

You’ve got to be kidding, right? I was thinking to myself when I read this. Well, maybe I not only wouldn’t be being true to myself but maybe also because I would be lying to them if I conveniently agreed with them and said that I believed green was the best color in the world simply because they think it is. I’m all for making my friends happy in any way I can, but in an honest, reasonable kind of way. So no, I’m not going to tell you your new outfit looks great if I don’t believe it just because it may be what you want to hear, and I’m not going to suddenly come out and say, “Haha, I was just joking about my sleep disorder,” or something like that simply because you don’t get it or you think I’m using it as an excuse to cover for some deep dark truth I’m afraid to fess up to.

Hope that explanation is helpful to those who don’t “get” that I just don’t get them at times either. :)

People have been asking me to reactivate Formspring, but I don’t think I’d have any use for it. That site was making more and more changes faster than I could get used to them and causing things to be so damn glitchy. I’ll still think about it. Should I or shouldn’t I? I sometimes miss using the site with Andy. I’d agree to keep my mouth shut about suicide, even if I’m feeling suicidal as hell if he could agree to keep his shut about my sleep thing, but somehow I doubt he would agree to this. We’d probably just fight about something else anyway.

Becky called to let me know she wouldn’t have time to post the VH pics, some of which may include Barb D, one of the 3 evil witches who worked there. I decided to try looking her up since I’ve wanted to give her a piece of my mind for nearly 30 years, but I’m not sure if I found the right one. Coincidentally my search happened to pull up a profile of a woman in MA who has worked at schools (though VH wasn’t mentioned) and whose profile picture looked like it may be her. The age seemed right and the hair did too, but I’m not sure it was the one I was looking for. Becky didn’t think so. She said the nose was wrong and that Barb had an athletic build. Maybe so, but most of us get fat with age and don’t diet/exercise.

As adults, we laugh most insults off, but for her to make the crack, “You’ve got all that fat to keep you warm” was so mean and hurtful when I had one of my fat spells thanks to some of the meds they had me doped up on. I was only 16 at the time and I definitely didn’t need her cruelty adding to my stress. I was also aware of the dual standards that existed at that joke of a “school” and so I said absolutely nothing about it. If only I’d been like I am now back then, but lucky for her I wasn’t because I’d have ultimately gotten her ass fired. I really have to wonder how people like her could work in the mental health field in the first place, let alone with children. Well, we’ll see if I get a reply to the message I sent, but I doubt I will even if it is her.

Why is it I can become familiar to fluent in 8 languages but can’t catch all my story typos even after THREE rounds of editing??? Either way and as I told Aly when she emailed me with a question regarding her own story, I haven’t been writing much at all. I think my mind is still reeling from the events of the past two weeks that I can’t really focus just yet. Less than two weeks ago we had one foot in the grave and now life is just wonderful. It’s a real mind-blower to have gone from wanting to die to believing we’re going to die no matter what to him making more money than we’d get if we were both working minimum-wage jobs. Almost, anyway. He’d have to do some OT. Speaking of that, if he’s still there when it gets even busier, we’ll really be raking in the dough! Cali does OT per day, so just 3 extra hours a week with time and a half is over $100 extra a week. OT is somewhat common there, too. Maybe we can save $500 to a grand a month after all. Unless they hire him on and we decide to go with a bigger, newer adult community rental. That’ll be the tough part; deciding whether or not to stay where it’s smaller and dumpier but cheaper, or go with bigger, newer, but more expensive.

No propane leak to worry about after all, since Tom said he did switch tanks before he left because just like my bloodhound nose thought was the case, the tank really was empty. How the hell did I manage to sleep through his switching tanks, though???

Both dolls have 2 bids, but there are still 3 days to go yet so I don’t expect much more action till the final hour.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2011 I was cleaning up my contacts list when I came across Marilena’s email address and decided to send the bigot a picture of these two lesbians kissing, LOL.

Sydney’s up to $44 with 4 hours left to go. God, I can’t believe that less than two weeks ago we were told our Unemployment checks had stopped and had virtually nothing for the rent since the last two checks of the month were supposed to pay the rent. Now, after trying and trying for months, my husband not only has a job but has had to turn down a job. Oh, and paying the rent will be no problem, yay! I just hope it lasts more than a few weeks to a few months! Even if they don’t hire him on permanently; that’s ok as long as they let him keep working. We’re not stupid. We know most people don’t hire permanent workers these days. Not until the healthcare reform goes through anyway.

Tom says he’s sure Jesse didn’t get another dog because he only saw the two dogs hanging out with him the other day.

I saw that Texas did away with last-meal requests for those on death row since they were fed up with the insane requests some of them would make. This is good, too. Their victims didn’t get to choose their last meal, so why should they? I’m all for an “eye for an eye” versus the “two wrongs don’t make a right” theory. Sometimes two wrongs don’t make a right, but sometimes it does. No sense in paying to house hopeless, hardcore criminals when we can simply get rid of them. I don’t even think we should get rid of them in such a kind way, either. I think we should give them what they gave their victims. If they raped, rape ‘em back, cut their dicks off, and shove them down their throats till they choke to death. If they stabbed, stab ‘em back. If they shot someone, shoot ‘em. If they committed arson and it killed someone, torch the fucker. Every wife-beater should be beaten as well, but I say let the women beat their men and get away with it. Women don’t usually attack men unless they’re attacked first. I can only think of a few women who beat up on guys just for the thrill of it or because they had anger management issues. Usually, when a man gets beaten by a woman it’s because he lashed out at her first.

I was a real cock beater myself in my dreams last night, LOL. I guess I was at the grocery store or something and I was pissed. Just like in reality, when a woman is pissed she knows it’s because of whatever it is that’s pissed her off, but as far as guys are concerned, she must be PMSing. So after this guy makes cracks about women, PMS and God knows what else, the guy said something that apparently really pissed me off and made me snap. I don’t know what the hell he said, but I told him I’d kick the crap out of him if he didn’t shut up. Naturally, he didn’t believe I could and he just laughed. Using the element of surprise to my advantage against the out-of-shape cock, I punched him in the throat as fast and as hard as I could. With him stunned and choking, I then kicked him in the balls. When he doubled over I kicked him in the head, but he just wouldn’t go down. Not until I whacked him real hard behind the knees. Once I got him down I stomped on his head and neck. Gosh, I gotta have killed the poor bastard for sure!

Anyway, speaking of being pissed, I’m getting really sick and tired of hearing about people getting the credit they simply don’t deserve. Especially when it’s for things that never directly affected them. Why are today’s Indians exempt from paying taxes because the government stole land from yesterday’s Indians? Why are blacks given so many breaks today because their ancestors may’ve been slaves? If that’s the case then where’s my compensation for my ancestors that died in the holocaust? Really, the government should concentrate on those concentration camp breaks I ought to get for people who suffered and are no longer even alive if others can get breaks for the same thing. I am just so, so sick of people feeling they have to make others “pay them back” for things that they had absolutely nothing to do with!

Later…

Today I got messages from Maliheh and Christine and I chatted with C.

Maliheh had been busy doing a show with students and is now looking for more students. I had no idea she was doing shows at this time. I thought that was only a Christmas thing. She said now that the show’s over she’ll have more time to write. Yeah, right.

Christine is being run ragged by work and her boyfriend’s kids.

C rocks. :) He’s really cool to chat with. He makes statements just enough to let me know he likes me, but like Mitch, he doesn’t go overboard and come off like a desperate pervert either.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2011 We got sidetracked and ended up so busy throughout most of the weekend that by the time we got around to listing more things, we were pretty burned out. Therefore, we only listed two more dolls. Next week we’ll list Tonner doll clothes, Barbies and whatever else we may get around to listing.

I still can’t believe we got $435 for just one doll!!! She’s on her way to New Jersey. I expected $40 - $50 for Aqua Angelina, but she sold for $60 and is on her way to Milford, MA. Next up in 7 hours is Marley, Tyler’s little sister. She’s currently at $41.

Today I gotta jump on the Tonner site and find out the names of some of the fashions that I can’t remember, then decide how I want to group the Barbies. I’m going to basically be selling most of them in one giant lot, hanging on to just the top favorites for now.

Anyway, Tom will soon be off to work and I gotta get going now with working out, showering, and then get to work as well. :)

Later…

Tom said one of the dogs has taken to howling but I hadn’t heard this until I stepped outside for a few minutes earlier. Howling isn’t annoying to me like barking is, but I wonder (and worry) that he may’ve gotten another dog. Howling is something only puppies usually do, isn’t it? And why would either of the other dogs suddenly take to howling?

Either way, Tom says he thinks we’re out of here next year. That’s what my vibes say but not what my logic says. If we are, though, we’ll only have to deal with someone else’s dogs, not that I still don’t wish we could have a bigger place someday, preferably a real house. I think I’d still like an adult community, too. Ok, so we’d still have to deal with barking and we’d be back with the car stereos again, but the only kids we’d have to deal with would be the ones that visited the neighbors. We’d also never have to worry about ending up next to welfare bums that will trash the place and never let us hear ourselves think. Since when have you ever heard of retirement communities accepting Section 8 freeloaders? On top of all this, we would have cable and regular trash/mail service.

Getting to bigger, better places could very well be just a dream like it has been for a while now, as they could lay my husband off and throw us right back on “death row.” This was the one thing dampening my excitement of being able to see him off to work this morning as opposed to having yet another Monday roll around with us wondering if anyone would call during the week.

I thought it would take me just an hour or two to sort through the Barbies and decide how I want to sell them. Wrong! It took me nearly 6 hours just to make sure they were dressed properly and gather up the extra clothes, shoes and accessories, and then do the write-up. I’ll be doing a lot of 43 Barbies and friends which will get rid of most of them. I’m going to be hanging onto 12 of my favorites for now.

The people in the Northeast really like Tonner dolls! Marley sold for $51 and will be off to New York. We’re currently over $600 in total sales! We hadn’t even had Emme listed for 5 minutes when she got a bid, but Tyler doesn’t have a bid yet.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2011 Yesterday turned out to be an exciting day! The Harry Potter doll sold for a mind-boggling $435! We were both astonished! I gotta wonder why is something being so good to us all of a sudden just like I wondered why it was being so shitty to us for the last 4 years.

Despite being a full-time writer and part-time artificial intelligence worker, I don’t make much, so it’s nice that my old collectibles can contribute something other than dust these days. Then again, this doll isn’t that old. I got Hermione in 2007 right before we left Oregon for $110. I’d say we definitely profited from her!

Unless something comes up, we’ll be listing tons of stuff today, along with the stuff that’s still currently up for grabs.

Guess we’re not done with the temps in the 90s just yet after all. It’s cloudy and cool today in the 70s, but in a couple of days, it will be back in the 90s.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2011 Yesterday was quiet, though I still didn’t do much writing. I didn’t even hear the motorcycle.

We did some grocery shopping this morning and stopped at the mail place. No postcards from Nane yet, but the check from Eileen was there. It was for $150. How generous! She’s still gonna end up being a tremendous help to us because we didn’t exactly budget our food stamps to last, LOL since we thought we wouldn’t make it.

With two hours still left to go, the Harry Potter doll is now just over $200, yay! Plus we have 3 more dolls that should end up going for about $50 a piece, and my 5” wedge sandals are on their way to Illinois right now along with a game I won that’s going down to SoCal.

After we returned home, we ate and then rushed back out to Wells Fargo to open a combination checking and savings account. We don’t do checks or credit cards, but this way we were able to get Eileen’s check cashed without fees and have his work checks deposited there as well. The less we use debit cards, the fewer fees we have to pay each time we use them.

So it’s been a productive day so far but not nearly as fun as in my dreams last night. Yeah, I had the second dream in less than a week of us moving to Florida, this one very detailed!

I was talking about dream premonitions with Christine and she and I both agree that anyone can access this ability, but most don’t for some reason. She also said she thinks men don’t usually remember their dreams and have the kind of detailed dreams women have. Funny she should say that too, because Tom rarely remembers his dreams.

In the dream, we were in the car and we must’ve come from California (though I don’t know that it was from this trailer) because I said to Tom, “Wow, it doesn’t look like California, does it, even though that dead-looking tree over there looks like it could be anywhere.”

He said no, it didn’t look like California, and then the only part that didn’t make sense was him going on about some event he supposedly attended in Idaho, but he’s never really been to Idaho.

Next, I pulled the cell from my purse and found a message waiting from my parents. Dad was saying something about a storm doing something to some trees. Then I called them back but got their voicemail. I told them I just wanted to let them know we made it safely across but that they shouldn’t call back because we only had 8 minutes on the phone at the moment.

I have been analyzing the dream like crazy, though details don’t usually mean much as opposed to the big picture. I didn’t know where Tom would work or how much money he would make; I only knew when he’d be working and not even the exact date. I wish I could have more detailed dream premonitions/visions/vibes and that I could consciously will info to me while awake, but that’s out of my league.

It’s funny because when I’m not thinking about how excited I am for Tom for getting this job, and when I’m not worried about them laying him off before April and sending us right back into the same nightmare we’ve been trying to escape for 4 years now, I’m having fun trying to decipher this dream and whether or not it could mean anything. It’s frustrating but fun. I “feel” the dreams mean something but looking at it from a logical standpoint while wide awake, there’s nothing to say we could ever get to Florida. In fact, there’s nothing to say we could ever escape this goddamn trailer. But if they aren’t truly glimpses into the future then something’s doing a damn good job of making it look like they are. I’ve never had dreams of moving to Florida before last week; just of visiting. And sometimes when I visit I wish I could stay.

If my parents are really still alive when and if we move there, then Tom couldn’t yet be retired. And if this is the case, I wonder if I could be sitting on a big win because if the job ends up being permanent and they want to throw more and more money at him, we’re not going to throw that away. But if the pay stays around what it is, we may not be able to save enough to make the move. We say we’d like to save a grand a month but even $500 may be just a dream. And of course, getting a bigger rental may slow down the savings too, so let’s just hope the damn job becomes permanent so we can eventually figure everything else out. Right now I can say that this Saturday is a stark contrast to last Saturday! I can’t believe we were the same people with seemingly no way to survive and no miracle on the horizon. As the month wore on we both thought I was going to be wrong with the September job dream.

I called my folks for real but their machine was messed up. Hopefully, they got the message anyway.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2011 Although Tom’s sore, he says the place is high-tech and seems like it may be a place that will hire him on permanently. Ah, but that’s what the last place seemed like. At least this place isn’t talking time frames. The last two jobs did specifically say they would be 1-2 weeks, then 2-4 months (although he worked 6). If they do lay him off, though, I’ll know it before he does because my dreams will tell me. I may not dream of exactly what’s going to happen, but I will have certain kinds of nightmares signaling trouble ahead. Yeah, falling in love is ok but falling in my dreams is never a good thing. If we, or anyone we know, falls in my dreams or is in a violent situation, trouble’s coming for that person.

It was so, so nice to be able to wake up actually wanting to face the day and feeling like I have a reason to live instead of wanting to throw the covers over my head, go back to sleep and never wake up. I do, however, still have a lot of anger towards whatever’s up there for allowing so many catastrophes into our lives and for pushing me to the brink of insanity like it did. I also live in the fear that for the millionth time, our world will be turned upside down again. All they have to do is lay him off before April and we’re in the same boat we were in just days ago. That’s a tough thing to have to live with, but each month that they keep him and we see our savings build up – if we can just get to that point – we’ll rest a little easier. We hope to save a grand a month starting in a month or two. We have to get the propane tank filled first.

Our eBay sales are doing both good and bad. The dolls are rocking. With just 4 dolls we’re over $300 in sales. It’s the Beanie Babies that aren’t doing well. We had two lots listed. One didn’t sell and the other sold for practically nothing even though we overcharged on shipping. At least they’re out of the way even if we still have over 200 more to sell.

It is nice to have my worst problem right now be the never-ending site changes that annoy the hell out of me. I’m so sick of the changes on Facebook that I might shut my account down. I’ve learned not to get hooked on too many sites as what I came to like about it in the first place will surely change sooner or later. That’s another reason I don’t miss Formspring. They were making more and more changes which were causing more and more problems. Blogger rarely changes, though.

This should be our last day in the 90s, then from tomorrow through the 2nd, it’s to be in the 80s with a couple of days in the 70s.

Later…

Tom’s up now and says his feet are sore because he’s not used to wearing boots all day and the warehouse was hot, but he likes the job so far. They even made him sign a paper saying he wouldn’t work anywhere else while he was there. Well, he can; he’d just have to get permission. They worry about valuable information being passed along since they deal with very high-tech electronics. There’s security all over the place there.

Since I got all the laundry and house cleaning out of the way, I’m going to work on my story today so long as Jesse doesn’t go ruining the peace. He’s been pretty quiet lately, though. I don’t expect him to get to be a nuisance till the rains start up as that’s when he’s out running around on the bulldozer and using his loud, obnoxious truck to level out his driveway.

Later…

I have to wonder for the zillionth time how the world ended up full of so many hypocrites. Oh, I’m fine right now; it’s a friend I feel bad for. She’s being picked on and teased by someone who’s just as guilty of being what they’re picking on her for.

Let’s see… I’ve been picked on for my weight by those fatter than I’ll ever be. I’ve been made fun of for being poor by those who have also struggled. And I’ve had cracks made about my sleep disorder by someone who has his own sleep disorder even if it’s a different kind that I don’t get, and has been told that “everyone” has a sleep disorder. First of all, not everyone has a sleep disorder. I’ve lived with my husband long enough to be able to say that he sleeps just fine. Secondly, there are different types of sleep disorders and some are certainly more serious than others. It’s like comparing someone who walks with a slight limp to someone in a wheelchair.

Anyway, I don’t know what irks me more – those who are everything they accuse/tease others of being or those who just don’t get it and who haven’t had any experience with something that someone else has and that knows firsthand what it’s like and what’s really going on.

As frustrating as these know-it-alls can be I can sort of relate. No matter how many times people tell me I’m wrong and no matter how many medical articles I may read also saying I’m wrong, I don’t believe in multiple personalities. I say it’s all an act to fit their present mood. If they’re feeling weak and vulnerable, then they pretend to be some wimpy being named whatever. And when they’re in a bitchy mood, out conveniently comes so and so as an excuse for what may be aggressive behavior on their part. The part of the real and only person, that is, whose name is on their birth certificate.

I also acknowledge, however, that I just don’t get it. I’ve never been anyone other than Jodi. Just boring old Jodi. So who am I to judge – right? – even though I do it anyway.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2011 I have some absolutely FANTASTIC news! First, I had stopped doing my daily please-keep-us-happy-and-healthy prayers cuz I got so damn mad at God for letting so many shitty things happen to us for so damn long. I was so, so angry that He could allow for not just such frustration but for what was sheer psychological terror at times. Then for some reason, I started praying like crazy during those desperate moments for him to get the job at the toy store. He did. Then I again prayed like crazy for him to get the job he went on an interview for yesterday. He did! Coincidence? I don’t know. But I do know that just when something was toying with us and pushing us further and further toward the edge of a cliff, something then reached out to save us. Although I am grateful to know we’ll survive despite life’s bad points and the fact that our lives still may never be ideal, I still hope we one day make it to Florida. Yeah, I can’t get that dream off my mind! It left me with one of those “feelings” that only we dream premonitioners understand saying it might’ve meant something. It was raining and we seemed to be near Miami.

Anyway, while he was out on the interview and I was multitasking here at home between eBay, writing, cleaning, and the job site I work at, all I kept thinking about was how the toy store might very well not be enough to save us even with our eBay store, Eileen, and other things we do. It was better than nothing, but probably not enough since it was part-time and shit pay.

Then he came home and I asked how it went before he even got inside. Instead of the usual, “ok” or “I’m not sure,” he said, “It went really well.”

This job involves working in the receiving department of a warehouse in Roseville and involves tasks that many people find too difficult but that he’s had experience with. They just had to let some people go who couldn’t handle it. When he applied online for the job they called him and told him to check his email because they wanted him to take some tests online on how to run some programs which he easily passed. Then they called him in for the face-to-face interview and Tom said the guy said, “We have more people to interview but I just want you to know that I’m really smitten with you.” This was the big boss. The big boss then turned to the little boss and said, “This is just the type of person we need here.”

It was around 10:30 when he returned from the interview and we didn’t expect to hear from anyone until the afternoon. But not even an hour later the phone rang. I nearly choked on the fish stick that was in my mouth. He grabbed the cell and ran outside for better reception. A few minutes later he came in to tell me his background check had been done and he got the job. In an instant tears of joy sprung forth as if they’d been contained by a dam, my half-chewed fish stick still in my mouth.

After we hugged and kissed like crazy, out he rushed for a drug test and new steel-toed boots with me laughing, crying and just totally flying as if I were on drugs. It was hard to believe we were the same people researching death by carbon monoxide poisoning by sealing ourselves up in a room and lighting charcoal, and that received that horrible, gut-wrenching fuck off letter from our lovely government last Saturday. I really thought whatever’s up there had that happen to lead us to our deaths and not because it knew we wouldn’t be needing those Unemployment checks anymore. And good riddance to them, too! Really, it was so like being forced welfare bums, not at all what we want in life.

What’s got us so ballistic with joy this time around is that this is a FULL-TIME job with GREAT pay at $13! This job also holds the most potential to become PERMANENT which would mean eventually having REAL insurance for the first time in nearly a decade!!! Woo-hoo!!! Yes, anything could go wrong between now and April when we’d be eligible for Unemployment once again, but this looks so much more promising not just because of how the interview went but because this is a company that’s still thriving despite the collapse of the economy and always has a steady supply of work. The other places didn’t. The other places also told him up front that it would only be for X amount of weeks or months.

And so last spring’s September job dream I felt was a premonition came true twice over!!! He’ll have to tell the toy store, thanks but no thanks, of course, LOL, and we’ll lose all our food subsidies in a few months. Yes, all of them. LOL, that’s just fine, though.

He wonders why they offered him so much money since he made it clear he’d be willing to work for the $11 stated online, but we’re just so, so thrilled and relieved! I really thought we were dead for sure. I’m still pretty emotional. The things we take for granted can sometimes take on a whole new meaning after we’ve been pushed so far into the dark with seemingly no way out whatsoever. Imagine the gut-wrenching horror of knowing your income has suddenly stopped and you have NO friends and family in the area to run to?!?! I’m no social butterfly who goes to clubs or anything like that and I never intentionally sought out cyber-friends that lived in my area, so I never had reason to have any friends around here. Also, Tom hadn’t worked enough to make friends at work and as we both agree, it’s better to keep friends and work separated anyway. You never know what trouble mixing the two may bring.

Just thinking that the main propane tank is going to be full soon enough is pretty damn emotional enough for me, as funny as it sounds. For too many months to keep track of we’ve had to fill small 5-gallon tanks so we could take showers, unable to afford to fill the main tank that holds 120 gallons. But soon we’ll be stuffing that sucker full as hell! When that incredibly loud propane truck gets here it will be like music to my ears. The whole place practically vibrates when that monster truck is here shooting that tank up, but we shouldn’t need them till next month.

I asked Tom if he thought I’d be right with the September job dream being a premonition. He said he did but was getting a little concerned as the month wore on. Yeah, I was getting a little concerned too, then I got a LOT more than a little concerned come last Saturday, and I really have to wonder how the hell one’s life can change so much so fast! How could we have had what was just about the worst day not just since we’ve been here but since we’ve known each other, to one of the best in less than a week?!?! It’s truly mind-boggling how I had the runs so bad from fear, stress and depression that my gut couldn’t have gotten much flatter if it tried, and now I’m so ecstatic! If we never again go through anything half as scary it’ll be too soon!

I hope to one day be able to go to a sleep clinic and have my sleep disorder officially diagnosed so I can get my disability reinstated. I believe that if you can’t work outside of the house, then you should be entitled to benefits. And while my symptoms are as obvious as a bleeding thumb, I will need it officially diagnosed to get the ball rolling as far as that goes. I know some people don’t get it and perhaps they don’t want to, but some things are just obvious. This kind of disorder (which worsens with age) is simple to diagnose, too. They just test your melatonin levels. That’s what causes this and narcolepsy, an even worse sleep disorder where you spontaneously fall asleep at any given moment, even if you may be driving. Other symptoms aren’t nearly as obvious like why I sometimes get lightheaded. That could be caused by a million different things and I couldn’t even begin to guess at a diagnosis there.

Anyway, sleep disorder or not, I’ll be here working on our sales, the job site, and my writing as none of it requires much of a schedule. And to deal with Jesse having to fix the heater’s blower when we finally stop having temps in the 90s. But these little nuisances seem like nothing after what we just went through. As long as things keep getting better and this state doesn’t try to kill us again, we’ll decide if we want to stay here, get into a rental in an adult community closer to where he works next summer, etc. I’m just glad we get to live to decide! Then again, if they want to eventually throw even more money at him, it just may be worth it to stick around till he retires. Just not in this trailer, although the dream clearly showed us moving from here to Florida.

This place may be too small and old (we’re still gonna sell most of our shit, though) but it sure is cheaper. I’m hoping that while we’re here we can save about a grand a month. I told Eileen to let me know if she changes her mind about the money she sent us. Really, she is a true friend! Not many would care to jump in and help us like that without being asked even if they were rich. Eileen said it was a gift not meant to be paid back, but I told her that if she’d like, we’ll try to make it without cashing that check (and I think we can), and if we do make it, we can send the check back to her.

I would always laugh at those who described life as “short.” It just never seemed that short to me for the most part. But then when you’re so sure you’re about to die, it does seem short. Even though I’ve had many of my online friends for years it just didn’t seem long enough all of a sudden, and the thought of not being around to get Nane’s postcard from Turkey or to write another story really pissed me off.

What’s funny is that they do food subsidy evaluations in 3-month increments. They just evaluated us, gave us a little more, and can’t legally stop them even if you win the lottery the next day until the end of the 3 months. I have to laugh at the thought of knowing that I will be as happy to watch them snatch them away from us as I was horrified to see the government snatch our precious little checks!

His hours will mostly be days, but they do work OT, evenings and weekends at times. One of the few good things about this state is that it does OT per day and not per week. He might even do OT today. I was teasing the hell out of him because usually, we’re opposites in what makes us nervous. Where I was a bundle of nerves over the stopped checks, he was calm, cool and collected, saying things would work out somehow. But now I’m all relieved and he’s nervous about the new job. Even if it’s in a good way I said to him: “Nervous” about the job? LMAO, once again it’s so nice to be able to transfer those nerves back to you! You can have ‘em! Enjoy them. They’re yours to keep; a gift not meant to be paid back. :)))))))))))))))

Relieved or not, I got a ton of stuff to do, so off I go now wondering about that rain that went drip-drop in that Florida dream. :))))))

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2011 Sometimes the dreams we have when we’re awake become nightmares and sometimes the nightmares we have when we’re asleep become a reality. This realization hit me yesterday and it’s so true, too. I even decided it made for a good blog subtitle.

I went back to working out but haven’t been able to focus on my stories. I may not be as stressed out as I was a few days ago but this doesn’t mean I’m in a state of bliss either. I’m still a bit wound up and having trouble concentrating. Just because we appear to be out of the woods doesn’t mean we officially are just yet. The ball has started rolling in good directions, but it hasn’t gotten far enough yet to feel much more relief than what I’ve felt so far. If he were starting a full-time job in a week I’d feel better. But unless the interview he has this morning goes well, he’s starting part-time in what may be two weeks from now.

What scares me the most is knowing that we could easily fall back into the same crisis. In fact, I fear we will keep going round and round in circles till we can get the hell out of here and that this cycle of crises won’t end until we do. Whatever’s been hell-bent on beating us down financially simply won’t let us get ahead. As soon as we start to it yanks the carpet out from under our feet. This is why I fear we’ll never get out of here. If we can’t get ahead for more than 5 minutes, then how can we ever get out of here? I know that if one is destined to be financially cursed, they will be cursed no matter what state they live in, but no state has treated us as badly in that department as Cali has. And if this is meant to go on no matter what, I’d like it to be in a state with a better climate. The weather’s still gorgeous in the 90s, but by the end of the month, that’s it. The cold and the rain will be here. It would have to be really, really worth it in the end for me to suffer a few years in Nebraska. Thank God at least Tom is indifferent to various climates. As we’ve also learned, there are no guarantees that things will go as you plan them. They rarely do. So we could head for Nebraska planning to be trapped in an apartment for just a year, then rent a house for a few more years before heading to Florida, just to end up trapped in an apartment forever there.

Since Tom will be busy working (hopefully more than we think), I will be busy running our eBay auctions and gathering up items for sale. On top of my other online work, that is, and my writing. It’s going to take a long time to get all this stuff sold, so we may as well get started. I will be around to be the one to answer questions and things like that. It’s more work than one might think. Gotta get the pictures taken, do the write-ups, answer questions, pack and address boxes, etc.

“You didn’t tell me about the bidding wars going on,” Tom said when he got up yesterday. I hadn’t thought to check in a few hours, but one of the dolls is over $150 already cuz she’s from the Harry Potter series which is very popular right now. All in all, sales are over $200 now. :) Selling things is fun and it’s neat to see all the different states – and sometimes different countries – our stuff ends up in. The problem is a lack of boxes to ship everything in. I guess we’ll have to buy some which would kind of suck. The point is to make money, not spend it. And as it is eBay helps themselves to fees from our sales.

The more I think about certain events that have happened in my life, the more I think that an outer force is at work that can think and plan and not just some negative/positive cloud of energy with no sense of awareness. Clearly, it’s toying with me, whatever it is, but seems determined enough to keep me alive so it can keep on toying with me. I have no idea if what influences good things in my life is the same being as what influences bad things in my life, but have decided to go back to praying. I couldn’t help but laugh when I thought of Andy and just how thrilled he’d probably be to know that, too. Then again the guy probably wouldn’t believe me, LOL. Either way, the reason for my decision is that while it may be just one big fat coincidence, things do seem to run a little smoother when I pray not for ridiculous things like growing money trees, but for things to be ok and for us to get by. I stopped praying for a while because I was so pissed at whatever’s up there for letting things get so shitty for us despite our efforts to get ahead. But then when things started getting desperate I prayed on and off to please, please let Tom get a job. Well, the toy store isn’t much, but it’s something, and the timing couldn’t be better. Well, it could be, but it’s good enough. He’s been trying for months just to get nowhere and so there was nothing to say he’d get anything right when we needed him to get something and any number of things could still go wrong along the way. Sure hope not, though! I mean on the one hand, I still tell myself we’d be better off dead so as to avoid many more years of shit like this, but then that stubborn survival instinct kicks in and I fight to live.

You don’t realize just how much harder your workout is on a treadmill till you add the incline! I had to slow down, but since faster’s not necessarily better so long as your heart’s pumping, your body’s sweating, and you keep at it for at least 30 minutes, I guess all it can do is just build me more muscle.

Hopefully, I will be able to focus on my writing soon enough as I realize the only way to build up enough volume to generate more sales is to do the work necessary to achieve this goal. So it’s got to be my full-time job since one can only crank out so many books so fast.

The company Tom hopes to work for is based in the Netherlands. It’s funny because he first thought Germany and then Norway and I have friends in all these countries. It seems I have friends in most countries these days except for the Middle East and Africa. That’s another thing Andy would be proud of me for – my geography knowledge has improved tenfold. In the past, I was lucky if I could figure out where my neighboring town was let alone where most other countries were as I simply didn’t care. But “meeting” people in other countries has changed that.

I like how Norway is liberal and big on freedom of speech, but the climate would surely kill me, LOL. Curious to hear what a Norwegian accent sounded like, I jumped on YouTube and listened to someone speaking English with a Norwegian accent. Then I checked out some instructional videos on Norwegian numbers, months and the days of the week, along with simple phrases and things like that. It’s not the prettiest language, but I see a lot of similarities to German. It also seems like it’s not a gender language which is all I’ve ever learned, except for English and SL, of course. Maybe I’ll be stupid enough to learn some at some point as if I don’t already have enough languages to study. :) I can say almost anything I want in Spanish, and I can almost say almost anything I want in Italian, but still need to boost my German vocabulary.

He also attached a pic of himself from the ’90s and a recent one. The ‘90s one looked ok and his hair was long then, too. The recent one isn’t that impressive. His nose is slightly crooked, he looks a little older than 37, and I don’t like the buzz cut either.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2011 OMG, Tom got the job at Toys R Us!!! The dream WAS a premonition! It’s only part-time at minimum wage and he may not actually start till around the first of October, but that and our eBay sales should be enough to save us till he gets something better. And he does have some better possibilities in the works. :)

I also had a dream in early August that suggested he would be working evenings on New Year’s Eve. Well, this job would probably mostly be weekends and evenings, but when he works is the least of our concerns right now. He’s willing to work any and all hours.

Do I dare even think about that dream I had where we moved straight from here to Florida? I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t get it off my mind! I still don’t know why or how I have dream premonitions or even how I know certain dreams may be telling me something in the first place. I guess it’s just a feeling one has that only one who has dream premonitions can understand. The reoccurring dreams or dreams that leave you with that “feeling” are the ones to pay attention to. At least that’s the way it’s been for me. When your “logic” loses the argument with that so-called other side of you, that’s when you know something’s up. So while my logic is saying the Florida dream was just a reflection of pure wishful thinking, my other side is arguing back with a big old fat, “Bullshit it was!”

What was really freaky yet neat was that just about 2 or 3 days before I went Florida dreamin’ I said to myself, “I wish something could send me a message in my dreams and that I could “see” where we’re headed to next.”

I just wish that win dream had meant something! Yet I haven’t won much and if I don’t win something good by the time my sweeps subscription expires on the 28th, I will give up sweeping for a while. Influencer or not, the economy is still shot to hell.

Anyway, I’m not going to post those sad, scary private entries I wrote on the 17th and 18th just yet, but I will say that just like last September, I cried tears of relief for hours even though this could be just a temporary fix if something else bigger and better doesn’t come along. There’s no doubt about it – something’s toying with us. Really, California keeps trying to kill us and if we don’t figure out a way out of this cursed state it just may eventually succeed! Where this state may be the answer to some people’s life situations and dreams, it’s been nothing but a total curse for us.

It makes sense now, as to why I didn’t have nightmares like crazy the day before Tom got our little “fuck off” letter from the government; because a job was right around the corner. Talk about perfect timing! It also explains why I was in a good mood all last night. I kept asking myself, “Why are you in a good mood? Nothing’s happened yet. You have no reason to be in a good mood.”

So after beating myself up the night before for stressing my ass off, I decided to just enjoy the good mood while it lasted. It was better than stress, after all. I still wonder, though; did my psychic side know deep down that we’d be ok? And will we really be ok for sure??? Really, I’m getting sick and tired of being teased with our survival! I don’t know how many more of these scares I can take.

This latest crisis has been a total wake-up call for us. One saying, “Don’t just talk about getting rid of your shit, do it!”

Well, we can sell/dump our stuff, and we are, but the biggest question is how the hell to come up with the 10-15 grand it’d take to safely get us outa here. I just hope we get to that point where we can have to figure that out! Yes, we lost our home in Arizona and yes we lost our land in Oregon, but we have never had such intense financial problems and scares since coming to this damn state. I just want to get the hell out like yesterday and I want to never step foot in it again when we do! Bad things can and do happen to us anywhere, but Cali really takes the cake where we’re concerned.

Before yesterday all I could think about was how so many people say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Well, the streets would have been beyond more than I could ever handle! Yet after being pushed a little further into the dark than we were in ’07, it’s almost like something’s looking out for us as much as it loves to “punish” us. Yes, in a twisted sort of way, something helped save us. This was/is literally like falling and then having someone throw out a safety net just seconds before you hit the ground. I just hope it’s enough and that we don’t keep on reentering the same damn nightmare and eventually the one we can never wake up from.

For now, it is nice to go back to being able to bitch about those little things in life – cleaning, dieting, barking, etc. These things are once again a clear reminder that things can get a lot worse in life. A lot worse. Remember that the next time you get a flat tire or you realize you’ve run out of feminine supplies when your period starts.

Tonight I’m going to run a mile or two, work my arms for about 10 minutes, then my abs which are amazingly flat for one my age thanks to all the runs and loss of appetite, for about 5 minutes. After that, I’ll bitch about how much I hate to clean the kitchen while I’m actually doing it, then maybe – just maybe – I’ll work on my stories.

Later…

That’s interesting. Andy not only read my latest entry but he attempted to leave a comment. Only I’m not allowing them right now. I can’t help but wonder why he cares. Why would he even bother reading it or leaving comments? And just what would he have said? Something nasty? Something nice? Would he have identified himself, assuming I don’t know he still checks out my blog?

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2011 I just ate a yogurt thinking it might perk me up a bit and give me some energy. Instead, I felt like I was going to puke, so I took a Tums. Oh, and I just had my fourth bout of the runs. Tom’s gonna pick me up some anti-run stuff tomorrow. And this is the chicken shit wimp that God thinks could handle the streets? He knows I can’t, though, and won’t even attempt to try. That’s no life for Tom and I. But that’s the whole idea; God wanted to give us something He knew damn well we couldn’t handle so it would drive us to suicide. It all makes sense except for the part about why. Why did He hate us so damn much? I always knew He did, but not even I thought He hated us this much. I knew He got off on teasing us with our survival, but this literally putting that survival on the line and walking us into a sure dead-end is totally new. There is simply no one that can help us. Everyone we know is either broke themselves or wouldn’t help us even if they could. And not many people could afford to pay our $825 rent. My sister said to let her know if we needed help but she’s broke and on disability and so I think paying our expenses for half a year would be a bit over her head. I don’t know that even my parents could afford it. I doubt it. Even if they could, what kind of a life would we have? As I’ve already been over a million times, a lifetime of struggling in tiny old rentals would be all we’d have to look forward to in life. Not much fun by most people’s standards and neither would the streets have been any fun till they killed us. So PLEASE, PLEASE remember that if you feel sad and like crying for us. Yes, those of you who are my closest friends and family will hurt for a while but think of how WE would have hurt and how badly WE would have suffered on the streets. It’s important you remember this! It’s ok to be sad or to be angry at God and the government, but as they say, shit happens. And life isn’t fair. We were just one of those who got an extra dose of God’s hatred and the government’s abuse. Life was beyond unfair for us. Had we been lazy drunks or druggies, then a life as bums would be exactly what we deserved. Instead, we got all the wrong results for all the right actions. Now dry your tears and move on.

I wanted to live and be happy, but that wasn’t an option. I also don’t expect anyone to get it that hasn’t been faced with homelessness and hopelessness like we are. I still can’t get Tom’s words outa my head as soon as he came back from the mail place.

“You were right, no more Unemployment checks.”

And then I slept horribly. No sooner would I drift off to sleep when those direct, to-the-point words of doom would wake me up.

“You were right, no more Unemployment checks.”

Random thoughts go through my mind as I write this. And pointless ones. Like who will discover us and who will contact my family? I mean Jesse will discover us, of course, but who will break the bad news to my folks? I just hope they understand why we had to go! First God didn’t want us to have a nice place to live, now He doesn’t want us to have any place to live.

It’s scary knowing you’re going to die even though you want to because you know you couldn’t survive the streets. Yet Tom is handling it so well and so calmly.

Later…

Took a nap for a few hours. I actually slept more soundly than I did yesterday morning when Tom came back with the latest blow to our sorry existence and informed us that yes, our lovely government really can and does let tons of people starve on the streets. We’re just not as important as those foreigners, some of whom like to attack us.

Wish I could sleep the rest of the days away. Sleep is my only escape for when I’m awake my mind simply tortures the hell out of me. I tell myself not to worry and that we won’t suffer any more than we have in the past and will lose consciousness within an hour. Then there won’t be anything and I’ll sink into a big black hole of nothing because the brain, which we need to think, feel, sense or have any awareness at all, will be wonderfully dead.

Yet I still tremble with fear.

I was looking at our wedding pictures and sadly shaking my head. Who’d have known that 19 years later we might be killing ourselves together? starts crying It’s just really fucked up that we came to Cali to better our lives just to be planning on dying. How ironic that the state I grew up dreaming about living in is about to kill us.

Later…

I had been writing privately offline, not wanting to alarm anyone over my situation, but then I decided I guess I could talk a little more about what’s going on since we’re either going to sink or swim at this point. I may still post some of those private entries at a later date.

It happened last Saturday. Tom was out getting groceries and picking up the mail. I was home alone and it was toward the end of my day. I was going to crash shortly after he got back. When he didn’t get the Unemployment forms he would fill out and submit every other Sunday, we knew something was up. We just didn’t think it would get this extreme. Really, not even I thought anything up there hated us this much. But still, I had a bad feeling and had been saying to Tom that I feared we were doomed and may be going out of here in body bags instead of all psyched to get to Florida or even to cold, snowy Nebraska which I would hate but that would have more job opportunities.

And then Tom came home. I started throwing things in the freezer and then he said, “You were right, no more Unemployment.”

Yeah, you read this correctly. It turns out we’re not qualified for the next extension. The one from October to April. I stood there stunned and sick to my stomach to think that our fucking government could readily hand over billions of dollars to other countries but not give a damn about its own. Yes, our government really is that heartless to have absolutely NO problem with letting so many people just starve off in the streets. I was angry, sad and terrified and I had the runs and damn near puked my guts out. I couldn’t sleep for more than a few minutes at a time before the stress and fear would wake me up and Tom’s words of impending doom. I thought for sure we were dead since the streets are simply NO option for us. We all have our limits and that would certainly be one of mine. So now it’s in the hands of fate. We either kill ourselves to avoid a slow miserable death on the streets if no one gives him a job before the last of our money runs out, or we end up saved by a job along with the much-appreciated but unexpected help from Eileen and our eBay sales. We have a chance to be “saved” tomorrow at 4pm when Tom goes for a group interview at Toys R Us. This would just be a part-time seasonal job throughout the holidays, but it would be enough to save us if we’re meant to live.

Do I want to live? Well, yes and no. There is both good and bad to life and living. There are enough things I would no longer have to be burdened by if I were dead and no longer had to deal with them. But I would miss my friends and family and doing the things I love to do with writing in this journal being one of them.

Alison, Maliheh and the diary guy have offered words of encouragement which I so do appreciate. Really, they put a smile on my face and made me wish I could reach through my monitor and hug them all. But we’re not officially out of the woods yet and there are no guarantees we ever will be. We’ve got about 2-6 weeks to find out.

Meanwhile, I had mixed emotions in learning Eileen was sending us something. I appreciate the hell out of her for it, but I probably wouldn’t have mentioned our situation if I’d known she was gonna jump in like that and help (she’s so sweet) because I don’t know that it would be enough to save us and it may take forever to pay her back if it does. She suggested applying for welfare, but that would be worthless because California’s so fucked up that all they do is give you $100 a month for a shelter. We already checked this out. They may as well give you nothing at all. All we can get is food subsidies. The West doesn’t have real welfare like the East does. We made a huge mistake in coming to this damn state, that’s for sure. And how the hell did what was once such a peaceful little sanctuary come to be such a prison to me?

When Tom broke the horrible news to me I was so sure that whatever was up there had what happened to us in 2007 happen as a preparation of sorts and then made sure the money stopped as a means of backing us into a corner and ultimately on the path to our deaths, since we agreed to go together. Hell, I even picked out what I wanted to wear to die in. wipes tears from eyes But then Tom said that maybe I was interpreting it wrong. Maybe this happened to help push us faster and harder to get rid of our shit so we can maybe get the hell out of here after the holiday season, assuming he can get a job before the money runs out. After all, we did agree that we’re not only sick of most of this useless shit we have that’s just sitting around hogging up space, but if we do live to make it out of here, we’re not going to do the U-haul thing and the storage thing like last time. I’ve become the lowest-maintenance woman out there, too! All I care about is my clothes and computer. That’s all I need besides food and shelter, and of course a toothbrush is nice. Yeah, I’d be so many guy’s dream girl, LOL. If we ever do manage to bust on outa here we’re just gonna sell/dump almost everything but the bare essentials and split in just the car. We could do that now, actually, but we would have no way to live until he got a job and us into a place in whatever state we moved to.

The only way out of this mess is a job or me winning thousands of dollars. I wish I could believe that September job dream I had last spring really meant something, and the dream I recently had about us moving to Florida, but my good dreams simply don’t have a way of coming true like my bad dreams. It’s true, though, that I didn’t have nightmares galore the night before Tom got the letter about our latest blow making things about as bad as they could get. In some ways, we’re in a worse situation than we were a few years ago. Being in a trailer is better than a motel, but even though we couldn’t access our money for a couple of weeks we still had income coming in. Now we have nothing other than what we may get from Eileen and sales.

The Tonners are doing really well now for some reason. They weren’t doing well at all a year ago. Barbies are also doing better, but the Beanie Babies may not sell. They’re giving away 50 free listings, so we’re listing an item a day.

Anyway, I don’t know if not having nightmares before receiving the letter of doom is a good thing or not. It’s kind of odd since I do tend to have nightmares right before something really bad happens. But the last bad dreams I had pertaining to money were months ago. I’m still so afraid to get my hopes up! I’ve seen Tom go on enough interviews just to not get the job.

I’ve lost 5 pounds just from stress and a loss of appetite. My stomach’s pretty damn flat for a 45-year-old.

I was up most of last night and I wondered how the hell Tom could sleep. How could he be so calm and so “ok” throughout this shit? I asked him and he said, “Because nothing’s happening today.”

I wish I could make myself have that attitude and that I wasn’t afraid to die! If I could know we’d die quickly and painlessly and that the afterlife wouldn’t be any worse, I probably would give up and die. But I can’t know this and that’s what makes it hard to simply “accept” things and throw in the towel. I know I can’t escape death forever and that I have to go through it someday, but no matter how shitty things get it’s not that easy. Still, I may be left with no choice in the end because it would certainly be my choice as opposed to dying on the streets. There’s just no way I could survive out there, and I’d rather go at home in my own bed than in some alley or something.

For now, I’ve got some things on hold till we find out if we’re going to make it – my story writing, working out, etc. I haven’t even been doing any cleaning. If I’m really on death row the last thing I want to do is spend my final days cleaning.

Back to the acceptance thing – that’s my problem. I’m a stubborn bitch with a temper. I admit it. I don’t just “accept” bad things. You either love my fire as Marie used to say or you hate it. I may get sad and scared, but ultimately I get pissed and stubborn and I put up a fight. If I could just “accept” bad things even though I know they happen anyway, then I could simply accept it if someone slugged me, for example. But no, anyone who knows me knows that despite how small I am I’d kill them. Or I’d at least try to. I may not be the dumbest person alive and I may be pretty fit physically, but emotionally I’m quite a wimp. I panic and fly off the deep end and while I may appear to be taking the shit life throws at me well enough, inside I’m kicking and screaming like a 2-year-old.

Oh, and I got a kick out of how Alison said, “The Jodi I know wouldn’t give up. Come to Omaha. We could use more intelligent people.”

Well, I don’t know that I like the idea of an apartment in such a cold, snowy place or that our lives would be any better there since after all, we thought our lives would be better here. But still, if it were a matter of snapping my fingers and being there with a means of surviving till he found work, I don’t think I’d hesitate at this point. I just want to get the hell out of pesky Jesse’s trailer and out of California! So we’re gonna fight. We just may not win in the end.

Whatever happens, thanks to those who offered kind words of support. I’m still surprised though flattered for some reason that the diary guy read one of my posts. :) LOL, I really didn’t expect that.

Anyway, I slept better last time around and for some reason, I’m not nearly as stressed as you would think I still should be. After all, all he has is an interview on the horizon. Not a job that we know of.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2011 Things are now just about as bad as they can get and unless he gets a call for a job that pays big bucks or I win thousands of dollars over the next couple of weeks, we’ve officially reached the point of no return. Tom explained it to me in detail but I was too damn freaked out at the time to get it, so I’ll just spit it out in blunt English. We aren’t eligible for any more Unemployment benefits till next April. That means no income, no place to live, no food to eat, no life. We could probably continue getting a little in food subsidies but that’s about it. No point in feeding us if we don’t have a place to live. Once again, only the bad dreams are the ones that ALWAYS come true.

So I was right to have these feelings for the last few years of impending doom. Feelings that said we’d never get out of here and would probably be going out in body bags. I kept telling Tom, “Something up there really wants to make bums out of us!” And I don’t mean by living in bummy old rentals. I mean a pair of true, genuine street bums. I could sit here and try to delude myself by telling myself that God has a reason for everything and He does what’s best for us and what’s right for us. But anyone who knows us even slightly would know that there’s nothing “right” about us being tossed on the streets simply for being two people who always try to be good people and who just wanted to make a life for themselves. Nothing extravagant; just a normal, decent life.

It goes to prove that saying that God helps those who try to help themselves is bullshit, right along with the saying that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Well, even if I wanted to and was all for it, the streets are something I could never handle. We all have our limits, being a street bum with zero income is definitely one of mine.

I was also right to fear that what happened to us in 2007 was actually a preparation for these upcoming weeks. We weren’t granted a reprieve after God sat back and watched us be tortured with our survival till my parents jumped in to pull us from the quicksand, we were just granted a delay. Just an extension. Whatever’s up there obviously knew this day would come and that I would need “practice” and “preparation” to actually get up the nerve to kill myself, not that this still isn’t a scary thought. It had it in for us all along. It deliberately led us down the wrong paths in life or at least helped guide us down the wrong ones, and it knew, for reasons we may never know, that it was just a matter of time before it reeled us in on that leash it’s had us on for the last few years. It’s been coming for us. And now it’s time to collect. But why this way and under these circumstances? It makes sense that we don’t live to get old since we’d never have had anyone to help us, but why not have us shot in a robbery or get in a car accident? I prefer death by carbon monoxide poisoning, but still, it makes me wonder just what it has in mind and it convinces me all the more that it wasn’t just a “negative cloud of energy” we fell under but something that can think and plan. Stepping back and looking at my life as a whole, it makes much more sense that something with some kind of conscious and planning ability is at work here. The question is, what’s it going to do to us when it gets us over to the other side? Make us suffer in the afterlife even more than we would have slowly starving off on the streets while we shivered with cold or passed out in the heat? Or is it simply thinking that we’ve had enough shit and now it’s time to move on to something much better?

I was talking to Tom about how I fear the dying process and what may lie beyond, but he says it’s nothing to worry about and that it’d be totally different than here if there is an afterlife. I wish I could believe there’s absolutely nothing after death and maybe there isn’t, but to me, it seems likely that if some outer source can think, plan and influence our lives in this life, why not afterward, too? I know whatever’s up there, be it a God or something else, made sure our income would stop so abruptly because it knew we would kill ourselves because we couldn’t handle the streets. Even if we could – no thanks! I’m totally ready to go now. Scared, but ready.

As it is I’ve had the stress-runs and slight nausea and a racy heart. We got all this wonderful food (no sense in dieting or running just to die in a couple of weeks), but I have no appetite since I’m rather distraught. Tom feels I’ll get my appetite back and that my nerves will settle down as I “come to grips” with things. But how does one come to grips with the fact that their fucking government is about to help kill them? How does one accept and come to terms with knowing they have no problem sending off billions of dollars to other countries, including terrorists, but they won’t take care of their own??? Sorry, but even though the thought of growing old and dealing with the crap the elderly go through is unnerving to me, I will never be “ok” with the fact that my husband and I have been cheated out of life and life’s basic necessities. Our only dream was to have a modest income in a modest house with a modest life. WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!?!?!?!

There are things we could do to pay half of next month’s rent and delay our “execution” till around October 15th, but why delay the inevitable? Our time’s up and it’s obvious enough that there’s no way around it. I just don’t see any miracle coming to save us.

God, I’ll miss my Nane! I’m trying not to think of her and how much I loved swapping messages with her or else I’ll just crack up in tears. I’ll miss my friends and family and hobbies like my blog and things like that. It saddens me to know I’ll never write another story again and that my rat will soon be dead along with us because we don’t want to turn him loose for predators to get him. We also don’t want to trust that someone will care enough to take care of him. Hey, he’s a rat after all, and despite how smart, friendly and loving he is, not many people give a shit about rats.

So I try to keep in mind the fact that for every one good thing we had going for us, we had a dozen atrocities. There really is so much more bad in life than good, especially in our case. So no, I’ll never write another story again, but I’ll never have to clean the bathroom again either. It’s sad that I won’t get to look forward to many more years with Nane a part of my life and other friends like Alison, Kim, Eileen and Christine, but I’ll never have to worry about getting cancer, shittier vision or anything else like that.

If this had to happen, and obviously it was part of the “plan” like I said before, this really is the best time of year and month. I don’t have to deal with another winter even if it doesn’t usually get much under 30º here and gets just 1 or 2 dustings of snow a year. We also won’t have to pay rent ever again, not that we could pay more than a couple of weeks, and I won’t live to have to get another period.

Even though there’s no point other than to share my thoughts and feelings with people after I’m gone, I’m glad I finally mustered up enough energy to vent here in print.

If the bastard above had just let us have normal neighbors back in the 90s in Phoenix, we might have stayed there even if the house wasn’t that great. That house would have been all paid for years ago. But no. Instead He had to send us a pack of freeloading animals to drive us out of there and then He had to go and guide us in all the wrong directions, and yes, I do blame God for what’s happening to my husband and I. If you want to go and kid yourself into thinking He’s a good guy – fine – go ahead. And maybe for you, He is. After all, some people seem to have it all even if they don’t deserve a fraction of what they’ve got. Either way, I will die dirt poor and hated by God, but I will not die unloved and friendless.

I thought of running to these friends and asking maybe Aly, Eileen or Tammy if we could stay with them till he got a job while I worked online and then into a place of our own, but what good would that do? That would only be putting them out and we’d still be miserable. Nothing would change for us. Meaning, we’d still be just as cursed and God would still see to it that life shit on us in every way possible.

I started doing more research on death by carbon monoxide poisoning. Well, a lot of people must think it’s a good way to go because CM suicides are up lately where you seal yourself in a room and use grilling charcoal. I’m a little disturbed by the conflicting reports on its effects on humans but am determined not to let it stop me. Sure, headaches, stomach pains, and convulsions scare me, but I’d rather a few minutes to a few hours of misery than another 30-40 years of it or to die slowly over a few weeks on the streets. I see it like I see getting my tooth pulled. Yeah, it was a rough procedure last time around, and it was a slow and painful recovery. But the end results were well worth it. Other teeth can still torment me but that one never ever can again. Still, most reports describe it as the “silent killer” that doesn’t cause pain. That family that died in their camper is a prime example of that. The camper’s heater broke, so they brought in their little charcoal grill. It warmed them up and put them right to sleep and then they never woke up. Either way, unless you die in your sleep, never knowing you were going to, I don’t think there really is a “pleasant” way to die. And there’s also no avoiding death forever. We can just choose to face it before things get any worse for us as I don’t think I’d make a very good street bum. I also don’t think I deserve to have to give it a shot either. But if we don’t get our Unemployment benefits or a job it’s either that or death. I’m ready to die even if we could continue breaking even. Like I said before, just barely getting by in this dump for the rest of our lives isn’t good enough.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2011 I am so freaking bored outa my mind just sitting around and waiting for the end. I’m not going to bother working on stories I won’t live to finish, I’m not going to enter to win sweeps I seem to have stopped winning even while alive, and it seems I have shit for energy. I didn’t work out and just writing these words takes effort when all I want to do is lay in bed. I guess after I spew some more of my woes here I’ll go listen to music or find a movie to watch.

It sucks that I missed Nane. :( She was looking to chat with me while packing for her trip and before going to bed, but I was in bed myself. She messaged me a few hours before I got up – fucking schedule curse! The thought was very sweet of her. I appreciate how much she’s come to care for me. Boy, did I get that woman wrong. All wrong. I really thought she didn’t give a damn, especially since meeting “Jim.” But despite the fact that I probably dig her a little more than she digs me and don’t know as much about her as I’d like to, we’ve grown a lot closer. Again, I could easily see us getting together if we were single and local. It may not have lasted forever and we may’ve been more compatible in bed than out of it, but I can still see it. So many beauties are selfish, stuck-up and heartless. But not Nane. Nane is a very sweet, kind and compassionate person who really seems to care how I feel. Every day I hope to be able to run to her with good news, but that good news never comes. Like I said, I can still see us in my mind.

Maybe I’ll get some of the things I “see” in the next life if there is one, cuz I sure as hell ain’t getting them here. Every now and then life used to surprise me by sending at least a few of the things we wanted our way, even if they would end up coming in the form of a half-assed or twisted sort of way. Like how I made my California dream a reality. I got California. I just got a whole bunch of bullshit along with it that I didn’t ask for. I’m not exactly the epitome of wealth and happiness frolicking along the sandy beaches of the Pacific, not that I ever expected to have it all. But as I was telling Nane, a life of Unemployment and then retirement in this tiny old trailer is NOT acceptable to us. It simply isn’t. Stepping back and looking at the big picture, as well as the zillions of little things in between, is making me more eager and less afraid to die. When I say “big picture” that’s the years and years of struggling to get nowhere in someone else’s old dump. The “little things” are like my teeth, for example. Sooner or later I’m going to need more pulled. What am I going to do when I have no teeth left to eat with and don’t have the money for dentures? I can’t expect my parents to always be around to come to my rescue. My bed is still giving me backaches (I guess because it’s uneven and doesn’t provide enough support), but where the hell would we ever get the money for a new bed??? Oh, I could go on and on with those “little things,” alright. My vision which seems to be getting worse by the minute and the struggle to keep weight off. I may be very fit and I may not be that fat, but it’s sooo much work to stay this way!

I feel so empty inside and I see such a bleak future ahead. Nothing excites me anymore and what might excite me is impossible to achieve or experience in the first place.

Some people work for over 30 years and get to reap the benefits of their hard work. And they SHOULD! But some people, like my husband, don’t get shit for their efforts. Why wasn’t my husband ever given what he so richly deserves for HIS share of over 30 years of hard work?!?! Hell, even those with their own business seem to struggle despite how hard they too work. They have to collect food subsidies and other things along the way just to get by. A home business is better than a forced career of Unemployment, but it just goes to show how twisted things can be and how much life truly does suck for the most part and is so unfair.

Tom has filled out every application he can possibly fill out. I have entered all the sweeps I’m eligible to enter. Yet nothing ever changes! Nothing. When Tom inquires in person about a job, something Andy was so big on him doing, he gets told to go home and apply online. Everything is done online these days. It’s just a matter of time before we’re somehow peeing online. :(

If we were still in our 20s or 30s I might have hope for us. But not in our 40s and 50s. When you get to be this age, the only real way to financial security is to win a ton of money or sue someone silly. What is the likelihood of that???

I don’t think it’s just the realization of us being forever destined to struggle no matter how much we try to help ourselves and change things that has got me down. It’s also the lack of opportunities that will be forever unavailable to us that gets to me. I may hate to travel for the most part. But what if I someday wanted to? What if I ever wanted to visit the South Pacific or someplace warm during the winter? What if I wanted to go see Maliheh? What if I wanted to go see Nane? And how about Christine? I don’t mention Christine much here but she is still one of my top friends that is very special to me. So is Alison. But seeing these people would never be an option is my point. So many things are simply out of the question for us and I don’t want to continue living without living, so to speak. I feel like I’m really missing out on life in so many ways despite the few good things I do have going for me.

I smiled, happy for Nane when I read how excited she was to go on her upcoming trip. But then I felt a bit bummed out for myself and realized I envied her in some ways. I wish I had something to be excited about too, and to really look forward to in life, but I just don’t. Just struggling in bummy old rentals and growing old with no one to help us would be all we’d have to look forward to if we lived. Like I said before, the thought of growing old has always scared me. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I knew I would be surrounded by friends and family who cared, but unlike Tom’s spoiled, selfish and pampered mother – you know, the one that decided she didn’t want to be a mother anymore when her son moved too far away to use at his own expense and then had the nerve to ask for help when he hit hard times – had a daughter to run to when she could no longer live alone. And if it hadn’t been for that daughter she still would have had numerous others to go to. Who would we have? Really, I don’t want to wake up one day, look in the mirror and see an 80-year-old woman staring back at me. Dying at 45 is young enough to skip out on the shit that goes with getting old, but still old enough to have had enough experiences in life, even if I didn’t get to do all I wanted to do. Most of us don’t anyway, but I would still rather go now with my husband, than struggle another 30-40 years and have to go alone. For now, Tom may have diabetes and a hernia, but I’m still healthy as far as I know.

The thought of actually dying and what may lie beyond has always terrified me, and in some ways it still does. But things have gotten so hopeless at this point thus giving me the courage to end it all. I can’t avoid death forever anyway, can I? So at this point, it doesn’t matter who will call us cowards in the end. It doesn’t matter who will say that had we just hung on things would’ve gotten better. We “hung on” for 4 years and counting now but they never did get better. It doesn’t matter who doesn’t believe my sleep disorder and says I’m “giving in” to it. It doesn’t matter who thinks we didn’t try hard enough. It doesn’t matter who defends my past perps or makes excuses for their behavior. It doesn’t matter if others may be in the same boat. It doesn’t matter who thinks we gave up on life when in fact life gave up on us. All that matters at this point is that we end this never-ending cycle of bullshit and misery. No more being the victim of circumstances or any evil entity, powerless to change anything or make a difference in our lives. My first choice would have been to be in the driver’s seat of our own lives, but that isn’t possible. We would never get ahead if we lived and if we did it would only be for a few weeks. Maybe a few months if we were really lucky. Therefore, I choose the next best thing and not existing is what I feel is the next best thing and better than existing like this for another 4 years, and then another, and another, and another…

I think of Nane; good old lucky Nane, and I wonder how the hell she got lucky enough to get what she deserves in life. Her life may not have always been a bowl of cherries, but the woman seems to have it all – a good family, someone who loves her, what’s probably a perfectly normal sex life, a good job, great money, etc. I have someone who loves me too, and that’s certainly better than nothing, but what else do I have? Just the rat, the internet and some hobbies. The bastard above has been and always will be hell-bent on keeping that human side of me that craves passion and intimacy forever chained and dormant. I can only have these things in my mind. I’m not allowed to act them out. I can only lust over images in print or on a computer screen. And to hell with even thinking we could do ok financially for more than a few minutes and ever live in a real house that wasn’t an old dump!

But what am I supposed to do while I sit and struggle my ass off the rest of my life, unable to make changes and permanently blocked from all kinds of experiences and opportunities? Keep living on fantasies? Do I just keep fantasizing about the hotties like Nane which I can never have while regretting that my sex life with my husband ended years ago and never could or will be what I fantasize it to be with other women? Sit and dream of making big bucks with my writing while child killers and other criminals publish their own books and make a fortune off them?

I gave Nane our address and asked that she send a postcard from TR. I told her it would be cool to have and to have something she actually wrote by hand, but that I understood it may be too expensive and I might not even live long enough to receive it anyway.

This has been the coldest night so far this fall. We had to shut the windows last night. It’s only down to 73º in this room but I am sooo cold. I get so cold so easily and so does this flimsy old trailer. I am sooo glad I won’t have to spend another winter in it! Or too many more days where I’m going to have to get up in the middle of my sleep to open the window and turn the fan on (it will be too cold to do so when I go to bed) because we can’t have a normal cooling system. The only good thing is that we’ll get to enjoy one last warm spell coming up over the next week or two.

Later…

Of course there were no job calls for Tom today, of course there were no win notices for me today, and of course I just had to miss catching Nane online, too. But Nane was in a rush anyway in preparation for her trip. She promised to send a postcard from TR (so sweet of her), though she says that mail from there has a bad habit of not reaching its destination.

And as if life isn’t bad enough, we might’ve been screwed out of our Unemployment checks, but that’s ok as that’s just one more incentive to die. I figured something like this would happen sooner or later. As I always said, walk a tightrope long enough and you’ll eventually fall off. It looks like our “fall” is going to be in the way of not receiving the forms. They’re supposed to be submitted by Sunday. So unless they’re at the mail place tomorrow, we couldn’t possibly submit them in time to get money for rent and basically to live on. Like I said, it became obvious over the last few years that the crisis of ’07 was a preparation of sorts.

My first choice would be to learn I won big or that he got a good job, but these things aren’t going to happen. Therefore I can only hope for the next best thing – to die so we no longer have to be God’s little bums. His favorite little whipping boys for when He just has to take a moment to get off on beating someone over the head with money. I don’t care anymore about what happens when we die! I just want to hurry up and get dead, though we agreed to wait till the end of the month when it’s cooler. Besides, we are paid up at least till then so we may as well stick around till then anyway. Then maybe God will tell us why He hated us so much and chose us to be one of His designated little poor-ass bums and let so many bad things happen to us.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2011 It hasn’t rained in months now. I thought I smelled rain a couple of times, but all it’s done is cloud up.

The rat has gotten into the adorably cute habit of joining me at the dinner table. It’s so cute how he begs for scraps like a dog. It’s a shame that what is the third smartest animal in the world, and so fun, smart and loving, has such a bad reputation. He comes when he’s called and if I sternly say the word “no” when he goes to get into things he shouldn’t, he immediately backs down.

I sucked some of my strawberry melon fruit juice into a straw and spilled some on the floor for him to lap up and I had to laugh when I thought of my mom. She’d totally die if I did this on her floor!

Tom has this strange lump under the skin at the side of his neck. It’s soft and doesn’t hurt but we sure wonder what the hell it is.

I decided to work out a little today after all just because I like the feeling working out gives me. I added the incline so it’s more challenging. I can definitely feel it more in my ass and the backs of my legs.

I keep hoping that even though we’ll probably never make it out of NorCal (maybe not even this trailer) and will always be poor, somehow we’ll pull through these tough times and whatever’s up there will quit picking on us and go pick on someone else. Believe me, I want things to get better. I want to pull through this. But I just don’t see how or when we ever will. Why would good things suddenly start happening to us? Why would he suddenly get a decent, permanent job with benefits? Why would I win enough money to safely move us to Florida? Why would things that could but that won’t suddenly start going our way for once? That’s just not the way it works if you’re Jodi S. If you’re Jodi S, then what can go wrong usually does.

I adore my Nane and have no regrets whatsoever about meeting her, especially with the way we’ve grown closer, but at the same time, I can’t help but think of how much easier it would be for Tom and me to end it all if I didn’t have any friends at all, especially her. Sometimes the little things are just as important as the big things we do for others, and I just can’t help but smile when I hear from her. And it really makes me smile – even turns me on – when she calls me Lady Jodi or Lady Rainbow. I don’t know what it is about that or why, but she really cheered me up yesterday. Clearly, we both like each other. She may not like me to the degree that I like her, but I don’t think I’d have to ask myself if I thought she’d get together with me if we were both single and in the same town. I’d say it’s pretty obvious at this point even if guys may always be her main cup of tea. But damn she helps leave me stuck with conflicting emotions! I don’t want to live to be miserable, but I don’t want to hurt friends and family if Tom and I head for the pearly gates. If things were to ever get that bad again, then we’d have no choice but to end it. Losing everything used to be one of my biggest fears. These days, however, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. I like getting new things and I would simply replace things over time as money permitted and enjoy having less to sort and clean until I did. But nothing’s changed as far as my inability to make it on the streets should we ever be forced to deal with homelessness that lasted longer than the 36 hours we were on the streets in 2007.

They adjusted Mary’s release date some more from just after Christmas to just before Christmas of next year. I wonder if I’ll ever hear from her again. Better yet I wonder if I should respond if I do. I guess I’ll have to decide what I think would be best for her and for me when and if this time ever comes. And I think it will.

Alison and Tom read the first chapter of my current book. I’m glad too, because they helped me discover one typo, one word that was correct but not what I wanted, and one accidental third-person observation. Yeah, getting used to writing in first-person when you’ve been doing third-person for so long is hard! Hope I didn’t miss any typos in my other story!

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2011 There is some semi-good news, finally. Not necessarily good enough to want to stick around if nothing else is gonna change along with it, but here’s what we learned regarding the pension. It’s true that we can’t have a lump sum when he turns 55, and it’s also true that we can’t even have $200 a month at 55. However, we can have $150 a month at 55. So not enough to spring us out of here and over to Florida or have any other significant impact on our lives, but just a little extra to help make things a little easier for us.

Nothing else has changed, though. People just don’t want to hire older people. To hell with whether or not they may be more experienced and qualified. And still knowing we’re going to be poor all our lives and forever stuck in this trailer still isn’t any more “ok” with me than it was yesterday or last week or last year. My will to live is still pretty much shot to hell and while I’m loving this summery weather that continues to go on just when I think fall will finally set in, it’s holding up my plans. The plans I can’t talk about. So is my Nane. Well, let’s just say she’s making the thought of dying “guiltlessly” a little less easy to do. I promised to be as selfish as I could in that department and think of myself first and what was best for me and not worry about what others think or how it would affect them. I know they’d eventually get over the hurt my death would cause them. Meanwhile, Tom can never get any younger and our lives can never get any better at this point. I’d have to win an insane amount of money for that and the odds of that are next to nil. But then I chatted with Nane yesterday and felt pangs of guilt and sadness tug at my heart at the thought of “leaving” her.

The poor girl has tonsillitis now and was out of work for a couple of days. I thought she’d already left for TR, but that’s not for a couple of days yet. I wanted to scream when she said she wouldn’t be back till October 3rd. I’m happy for her but a bit bummed for myself unless she plans on checking in regularly enough from TR. I wouldn’t count on that, though. I would think she’d rather be out riding the waves and the camels… God, I envy her in some ways.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2011 Didn’t do much writing last night because I was busy going through my doll collection and prepping it for sale. I don’t know that I can get much for them; some I may not even be able to sell at all. But I’m ok with letting go of even my favorites now just in case by some miracle we ever survive this rut and have even the remotest possibility of getting to Florida. I’ve enjoyed them long enough and all they really do is collect dust and hog up space anyway.

I went through Barbies, Tonners, porcelains, other vinyls, clothes, accessories, COAs, and stuff like that. Don’t know how I’m going to get rid of the mannequins. I guess I throw them on Craigslist and hope for the best. We may have to abandon a lot of stuff if we ever do make it out of here but I have no problem with leaving Jesse (though his sister will probably get most of the honors) a mess to have to clean up. After all the barking, loud motors and other shit I’ve had to listen to at times, it’s hard to feel bad for them. And that’s ok if we can’t use them as a reference. We didn’t use any references to get in here in the first place. I still think that if we live we’ll be here for several more years. Unless I won an unexpected amount of money (the kind that’s not in our cards) I just don’t see any way out to even a rental down the street right here in town.

I’m enjoying our extended summer. It really makes up for summer being so slow to start in the first place. By the end of the week, however, it’s bye-bye summer. Friday night I think we’ll have to close the windows at night. Still, the extension was nice since we usually have to close them sometime during the last week of August or the first week of September.

The above part was written yesterday before bed but I didn’t get a chance to post it. The rest follows after what has been a very disappointing day with yet still no job calls for Tom. Tuesday was usually a big day for job calls, but now even that is gone and apparently a thing of the past.

I was thinking about how I missed Nane, who is on vacation but hopefully having a fun time, then she replied to a wall comment and “liked” one of my funny pics. Even though I never got any private messages from her that alone put a smile on my face. Damn, it hurts to know I’m going to have to hurt my friends and family like I said before! But like I also said, sometimes we have to think of ourselves first. My friends and family will get over the hurt of my dying, but Tom and I would never have “gotten over” this rough patch in life. There are just some things you don’t get over. Period.

Some believe God has a “plan” for all of us. Well, He chose poverty for us if that’s true, and that’s not ok. Sorry, but we have a definite problem with that. That’s not something I could ever sit back and accept and be ok with any more than most women could sit back and accept abuse from a man she thought loved her. I can’t make God – or whatever evil has latched onto us so intensely – let good things happen to us, but we can certainly end our suffering and refuse to take it anymore, and yes, I’ve made my final decision on that one. I’ve made up my mind and nothing’s going to stop me from carrying out my plans at this point other than a miracle, but those just don’t happen to us. A permanent job for Tom that would insure us, us running off to Florida, seeing friends and family - those are just dreams. Dreams that can’t come true at least for us. No matter how simple our dreams may be, all they have to do is belong to us and we may as well be asking for millions of dollars. And so the official countdown to the end has begun. I’ve already stopped dieting and exercising. Might as well quit entering sweeps too, since I’ve stopped winning.

I thought I was going to have to spend the beginning of the end with a cold since I woke up exhausted and with a sore throat. Only I slept 7 or 8 hours like I normally do, and I haven’t been around anyone who’s sick in order to catch anything myself. Decided that just because no amount of spells or anything else we try to do can change our lives for the better, this didn’t mean one of my cold spells might still not work. So I “willed” it away.

I sometimes wonder if another “influencer” out there may have willed so much of my life to be so bad and for things to never work out for us. Except for a few good wins, we never get any breaks in life. Ever. Certainly, I can’t be the only one with this curse some mistake for a gift. Believe me, it is anything but flattering to have or any kind of honor. Getting pissed off at someone is one thing. We all get pissed here and there. But when for some reason you’ll never understand your anger causes all kinds of bad things to happen to them – particularly illnesses and injuries – you worry it may kill someone at some point. Maybe it already has and I just don’t know it. It’s already killed someone’s dog and it nearly took out my landlord. The emotions (that I can’t simply control at will or with a flick of a switch) are part of what’s also coming back on us and influencing bad things to happen to us as well. Where is the “gift” in that??? I will admit that my anger causing certain people serious harm doesn’t exactly make me feel bad for them, depending on why I’m so angry at them. It’s the kinds of people we all get a little ticked off at from time to time that worries me.

Maybe this Firestarter without the fire needs to die. Maybe she deserves it. Something up there obviously doesn’t think I deserve much of a life, so should I think otherwise when year after year we’re forced to sit on our asses with no options, opportunities or control over our own damn lives and what happens to us?

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2011 Last night’s dreams are proof that only the bad dreams are the ones I can count on meaning anything, but not the good ones. The good ones are full of shit for sure! Not only has he still not gotten a job, and not only have I still not won anything good, but we’re not moving near Miami like we did in Dreamland last night either. :(

The dream started off really weird. Tom, myself and Jesse were sleeping on these wooden rafts attached to the side of a small but steep pond that doesn’t really exist on this parcel of land. It had something to do with us either having hard times or getting ready to move.

I said something (about the land) while standing on the bank beside the pond/rafts to Jesse as he came from the other side of the pond and settled onto his raft.

“Yeah, but it’s mine,” Jesse said along with something else I don’t remember. Then Tom came and got onto the middle raft. At first I was afraid my own “raft” would sink but when I saw they could hold what totaled about 500 pounds worth of guys, I figured mine would hold me just fine.

In the next scene, I was inside the place which looked nothing like the place really does, listening to Jesse’s bulldozer and thinking how I wouldn’t miss hearing it and that the only thing I would miss was the dryer air.

And then we were in Florida. It was raining and we were going to meet some woman somewhere. I don’t know who she was or why we were going to meet her. I was just glad to be there despite concerns of things like my controlled but still existent asthma acting up, as well as my allergies/ear. But we were there!

Bullshit! I screamed in my mind when I awoke. I wanted so much to believe that too, was a sign of good things to come in the future and a premonition of sorts, but I wouldn’t let myself. If he got a job tomorrow and I won big the next day, then I could believe the dream meant something.

Anyway, what is this half-assed pain in the ass I’ve been having lately where I have this ache that sort of runs from my lower back down into my right ass cheek?

Do you ever play with spammers? Well, not spammers so much as scammers. You know, the usual ones claiming they need your assistance cashing overseas checks, or that you’ve inherited or won millions of dollars? I fuck with them at times before marking them as spam by dropping whatever’s in my paster on them. I copy and paste a lot, so unless it’s sensitive info I love to have fun fucking with them and confusing them with these baffling replies which sometimes consist of these journal entries. After all, I do copy/paste them in from Word.

I heard from Christine, which is always nice. She said she knows what it’s like to be depressed and has seriously contemplated suicide before. She also said she’s glad she didn’t do it, though, as things have changed and she’s so much happier now.

Are things ever going to change for us?????

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2011 Amazingly enough, I don’t think Jesse went out last night or the night before last. It’s been too quiet for him to have taken off.

I was reading the start of Alison’s latest story. It’s so damn good! It also gave me an idea for a story of my own. I’ve actually got 3 ideas now. Why must the ideas come faster than I can turn them into print?

Later…

I have been trying and trying so hard to shake the depression I’ve been so strongly gripped by but it’s like it has a permanent hold on me. I’m still working out and doing the things I normally do like laundry and housekeeping, but for the most part, all I want to do is sit and write, lie in bed or listen to music.

I asked Tom if he had anything in writing that said he would be receiving the pension money at 55 and he said that if he ever did it’s long gone. Yeah, and how much you wanna bet the bastard above made sure of that and that there’s no way to sue the fuckers for lying to us? See, this is why I think we’re being cursed by something with a conscience that can think and plan. Had we had a few rough patches in life I’d write it off to bad luck, but when shit like this keeps happening to us over and over again throughout our lives, it becomes rather obvious (at least to me) that something’s deliberately, knowingly and intentionally setting us up to keep falling flat on our asses. The 20K I thought we were supposed to have gotten would’ve sprung us out of here and over to Florida where we could’ve got along just fine until he got a job and us into a rental in a senior community. I wouldn’t have minded never owning again if we could have kept the landlord out of the picture for the most part as we could in Oregon and not have to share the property with anyone else while we were at it.

On the other hand, how I wish I just loved apartments! Our lives would be so much easier. But once again, why do I have a feeling that whatever’s up there, be it a God or a devil, helped make sure I can’t stand them so our lives would be even harder on us? Oh, how I wish I could adapt to whatever I wanted to adapt to! I’d gladly get a cheap apartment and just accept the fact that being a light sleeper who sometimes sleeps during the day I would get woken up here and there. Why can’t I just deal with other people’s noise and just accept it like I accept the sounds of nature, the train passing through, and airplanes flying around? Why is it so damn hard for me to put up with the banging and other shit that goes with attached living and not let it distract and irritate me? At least in an apartment, I wouldn’t have to worry about the treadmill, my own music or any other racket I may make being complained of since everyone else would be too busy making their own racket to even notice.

Then again, if we could choose what we like and not have certain things annoy us, couldn’t we then choose our sexualities, what colors/foods/music we like, and more? How I wish we could! The “new” me would just love apartments and be content to spend the rest of her life there, attracted to her husband only and never again to another woman.

Maybe I was going about life the wrong way. Maybe instead of trying to run from everything I hated or at least didn’t want, I should’ve accepted the fact that everyone hates their jobs, their homes, and basically their whole damn lives, and instead go for everything I hated or didn’t want as a means of forcing myself to adapt and learn to just get used to and deal with the fact that life is never what we want it to be anyway. People like to kid themselves into thinking life is what we make it and that we have free will, but that’s just not reality. Not for the most part anyway. I could choose pink lipstick over red, but when it comes to the big things – the important things that really matter – how much of it do we really have any control over?

So the next time the dogs go off, why don’t I just not reach for the sound machines for once and just learn to get used to them and just fucking deal with it? I guess the only way to know if I can get myself to be who I want to be is to stop trying to be who I am. Right?

I didn’t choose or ask to be attracted to Nane, any more than anyone else (gay/bi/straight) picks and chooses who they’re attracted to, but I could have chosen not to befriend her. I’m glad I did, but I’ll certainly be keeping my mouth shut in the future, if there is a future for me, when I next find myself attracted to someone. Why flirt or get to know someone I couldn’t have any way for even if they wanted me in return and were right down the street when I have no desire to ever leave my husband?

Anyway, back to the pension. Cursed or not I don’t see how the hell they can legally keep us from our money and basically lie to us like they did and change the rules whenever the hell they feel like it. I can see them adjusting the age for those signing on at the time they wanted to change them, but to tell someone they can have their own money at 55, then change it to 65, is totally wrong. But of course the bastard above – whatever it is – will make sure there’s no way to sue them silly for fucking us over.

I’m not even going to bother calling the people I won the Italy trip for. Once again, living where one wants to live is not real life. Especially for us. And there’s no point in getting a free hotel stay when you can’t buy food or gas or anything else you need till you get a job.

I would never expect any off-the-wall changes like waking up taller one day, but God I really wish I loved apartments! An apartment would have so much more than this old trailer has even if we didn’t save much money there. Most complexes in the west have full-size washers and dryers in some sort of laundry room, and even if it didn’t have a dishwasher, it would have a pool and be in much newer and better condition than this old dump. Why can’t I want what’s best and what’s right for us?!?! Moving to an apartment so we could not struggle so much would initially be trading in one misery for another, but sooner or later even I would adapt and be ok with apartment life, right? Maybe even like it? Hmm… well, I never could get myself used to and liking the duplex we were in for 10 months in Oregon, and it could get noisy as hell sandwiched in by loud TVs and barking dogs on one side and a family who lived in their backyard on the other side, but maybe I was too stubborn to and simply didn’t go in there with the right attitude. I went in there thinking I would get the hell out the first chance I got and that’s exactly what I did. The house we moved to wasn’t always quiet since it was on a busy street and every other car had loud stereos, but I was way happier there. Way happier. But what if I had gone into the duplex with the attitude that yeah, life sucks and then you die so just deal with it and other people’s antics? Would that have made a difference?

sighs I just don’t know what to do. No matter where I live and what I have for money, I still don’t know that I want to live to get old and acquire the problems most people have with age. Unlike most people, I’m not going to have the luxury of dying while surrounded by family and friends. My friends and family are too far away and most of them will be dying or already dead by the time my own time comes to head for the pearly gates. The only thing I do know is that we can never do anything and life can never go on for us (good or bad) as long as no one gives my husband a job. That much I do know.

Speaking of adapting, I’m still getting used to the new glasses. I like how they fit better and don’t fall off when I look downward, and I like how I see better close-up, but the distance is even blurrier with these things. Even just a few feet away is blurrier. So if I see a little spot on the wall I don’t think should be there, I have to practically stick my face in it to see if it’s a spider, not something I care to do.

It was much cooler today and we may have seen the last of the temps in the 90s.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2011 I’m sitting here wondering what the hell’s wrong with my blog. I’m tweaking the template on my big 20” iMac and I have my 15” laptop next to it so I can see how the layout looks on both screens. But the colors aren’t right. Not all of the colors on the big Mac are the same as on the laptop, WTF? I’m running XP on the Mac and Vista on the laptop, so maybe that’s got something to do with it. I suppose I should just use Blogger’s own template designs, but being creative and into these kinds of things I built my own template so I could design it myself. However, I’ve done enough designing, coding, configuring, formatting, editing and programming for the night, though I hardly do much of the things that require me to be good with numbers because I’m not.

Later…

Alison was kind enough to give me the ins and outs of Nebraska living. She told me what the different areas of the state were like. From the sound of it, the area she’s in isn’t as cheap as the town we lived in up in Oregon, but it’s certainly cheaper than Cali. We could survive quite well on a minimum wage job in a 2-bedroom apartment for $575, but we could also survive here on what we’re paying here. If we decide to live I’d rather live in this secluded trailer in the woods where it doesn’t get nearly as cold/snowy as opposed to an apartment where we’d be back to having to listen to everyone’s TVs, music, doors, footsteps and screaming kids in a horrible climate.

Besides, the biggest thing I’ve learned since living in California is that while things could get better and work out really well for us, they won’t. I’ve lived long enough to know this. Just because I could sit and write a long list stretching from here to an eternity of all the wonderful things that could happen to us to make our lives a whole lot better, even if it was nothing miraculous or grand, I know damn well that they won’t. And that’s the biggest reason I’ve been so damn down and despondent lately. When we’re young we tend to live in the moment, but when we get older we tend to live in both the present and the future, and when both seem so bleak it makes it harder to want to carry on. I have lost all hope and faith thanks to being both experienced and intuitive enough to know what’s in our cards and what’s not. And what’s not in our cards is for things to go our way. That just doesn’t happen to Tom and Jodi S. Never has, never will. Every single time we move our plans go to hell and we end up getting exactly what we didn’t move there for.

Not getting any pension money is no surprise at all to me as devastating as it still is. Well, they now claim he can have it at 66, but by then it’ll change to 77 and so on and so forth. Anyway, I told Tom years ago that I doubted we’d get anything. I saw it in my dreams and I felt it in my bones. It seems only my bad dreams and vibes are the ones coming true lately for Tom still has no job even though it’s almost mid-September and I haven’t won big at all despite the dreams I had. It’s nice to win size 5 panties that I somehow managed to squeeze my fat ass into and to be wedgie free just as Hanes promises, but I no longer win the hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars worth of cash and prizes I’m used to winning.

Right now all I want (or when he turns 55 next year) is a modest little house to rent in an adult community in Florida, but that is out of the question and totally not possible. Again, we could get there, but we couldn’t live/eat until we could get into a position to maybe achieve this. And what if we could? Notice there’s a serious price to pay with everything we do manage to achieve? One goal/dream achieved means a new problem(s) will arise. I traded in my smoking addiction for a weight problem. Then I lost weight and it was on to dental problems. And yes, I wanted to move to California and I wanted to be in a rural area and I got these things. But struggling in a dump and being forced to sit on our asses while other people’s dogs bark for hours at a time some days/nights, wasn’t part of the California dreamin’. As Alison said, you keep hoping things will get better and sometimes you think they will, but then they never do.

“Did you ever think of what it would do to me?” my sister asked in regard to my wanting to give up. Yes, I did. I know it would hurt my friends and family. But they would get over that hurt in time while we would never be able to get ahead in life and truly be happy. We’ve had our happy moments, don’t get me wrong, but the big picture can and will never change. Besides, sometimes we have to think of ourselves and put our own welfare ahead of others. So it’s not that I don’t realize my dying would hurt others. It’s just that 30 more years of poverty would hurt me a lot more than my dying could ever hurt my friends and family. It’s important that they try to remember that and that just because others may be in the same boat doesn’t mean I still don’t have the right to do what I feel is best for me personally. If one is suffering, does it really matter if just a few people or even the rest of the world is suffering right along with them?

Tammy also said she’s there if we need help. That’s awfully nice of her, but how could she help if she’s broke, too? And what could she do? Buy us a house? Rent one for us? Get Tom a job?

“Same old shit,” I had told my mom on the phone when we were talking about what was going on.

“Jodi, I know what it’s like to go through shit. Remember the shit I went through?” she asked me.

But I didn’t, assuming she was talking about financial shit, something I don’t think she’s ever had to deal with. Then I later realized she was referring to having to have a lung and a breast removed due to cancer. I don’t know what’s worse – being in financial ruin or being sick. I guess misery is misery and no matter what form that misery comes in – financial, emotional, physical – it all sucks either way.

In the end, I’m the one that’s going to decide whether or not to take my life. Whatever’s up there can decide most of what happens to me while I’m still alive, but not even it can decide whether or not I live or die. That one’s up to me and me only. I have not made an official decision yet and I won’t be doing so till closer to the end of the year for reasons I’m not going to get into just yet.

I sat down and I wrote a list of the things I’m good at (don’t ask for a list of things I’m not good at because that would take me forever to write, LOL) and those things are writing, languages, singing, dancing (that is – uhem – with or without my clothes on), acting and dieting/exercising. But in this day and age, none of it can help us really get ahead in any significant way so I may as well suck at these things, too. Even if I could keep a schedule like most people, these aren’t things one can just jump into no matter how good one may be at them. There are better writers, singers and dancers out there that can’t get anywhere with these things no matter how hard they try. I’m lucky to have gotten as far as I have with these things myself, even if it wasn’t very far.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2011 So Nane spent 1 hour and 44 minutes on my blog while the troll spent the better part of the day in it. Even Tom laughed when I told him she was in it for 10 hours and 20 minutes. I told Alison about it, and how it was no doubt because I mentioned moving to Nebraska.

Another vote on my poll. There’s no way to know who voted, but my guess is that it was either Christine or Nane.

And why didn’t I hear from Nane? Did the next 4 chapters she read make her angry or uncomfortable? Was she busy? Something else? I think this may be the week she goes to Turkey.

“Wanna hear crazy idea #4 that also won’t work?” I asked Tom when I got up.

“Sure,” he said almost jubilantly.

Eileen.

Eileen said a while back that she had an extra room if we needed it. Once again, we could sell almost everything and drive there, but it could be many months before he found a job, and would I really want the end result to be a rental in Massachusetts of all places? I like how they have universal healthcare there, but I hate the climate. I spent my first 26 years there, so I know how bad the winters are.

Exchanged a few messages with Tammy. I can’t help but think of how Tom and others believe my moods and emotions influence the outcome of things as well as affect others. There she was all mad at me for writing what I wrote in my journal about her in 2009, healthy, financially set, and threatening to fly out and take me to court over it, and now the poor girl is unable to walk, can barely move her arms, and is broke on disability. The disease she has started right after we had our spat and again it makes me wonder if I had an indirect hand in influencing it through my anger without even knowing what I was doing. Or is it just a coincidence?

She and Mark are also on anti-depressants. As I told her I was always against psych pills figuring they were no better than turning to street drugs or alcohol as a means of coping, and because of the side effects, some of which can be permanent and one of which I still have today. The doctor, of course, conveniently didn’t tell me about it until it was too late. It’s nothing major, just annoying. Nonetheless, if I were insured I just may be tempted to run to the doctor for my own dose of happy pills.

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” she said.

I have the will, but where’s the way? I’ve been looking for it for over 4 years now but still can’t find it.

Tammy also said she knows how we feel and couldn’t have described it any better when she said it was like a constant merry-go-round with no way off, but she and Mark won’t give up and neither will Tom and I. She couldn’t desert her daughters, she added.

Ah, but I’m not as strong as some may think I am and I have no kids to leave behind. I’m glad I am loved and in good health, but I still can’t stomach the idea of being trapped here forever, broke and dreaming of impossible ways out.

Speaking of who we’re trapped with, Tom was driving in when he ran into Jesse at the fork.

“What’s he do, stand there and wait for you?” I asked Tom.

He was actually working on the electrical box nearby. He gave Tom something to pour down the toilet to treat the septic. Why Jesse didn’t just pour it down his own toilet is beyond me. Don’t we all shit in the same tank?

I spoke to my parents today, too. Dad was sympathetic to our situation, and it’s not that Mom wasn’t as well, but when you get things like, “I don’t call you to tell you business is sucky,” it kind of makes you wish you hadn’t bothered. Still, they cheered me up a bit along with Tammy.

The only things that are better right now are my vision and our connection. Yeah, my new little pink kiddy glasses arrived. It’s nice to see better, but glasses are glasses and I hate ‘em all.

As for the connection, it’s still shaky when it’s at its hottest and the sun shines on the wires, but otherwise it’s been more stable lately. I don’t know how long it will last but I’ll enjoy it while it does.

The weather’s been nice too; hot and dry. It was around 100º today.

Why is my left arm stronger than my right arm when I’m right-handed? I noticed this when I worked my arms today. In the past, I’ve beaten some people at arm wrestling with my left hand that I was unable to beat with the right.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2011 Guten Abend, Leute. :) In Florence, Arizona when I was thrown in jail for 12 hours and waited until my husband could bail my ass out of there, I couldn’t shake the distinct feeling that something was preparing me for something. A few months later I learned just what it was trying to tell me when I was sentenced for that “crime” and tossed in jail in Phoenix for a helluva lot longer than 12 hours. In other words, the message was, see? It’s not like on TV. They won’t all beat and rape you even though you will get hit on a few times and one crackhead that thinks she just had a miscarriage may want to take her frustrations out on you and scare you a bit, but you’ll live.

When the disaster struck in 2007 that nearly killed us I also had the same feeling; that something was trying to prepare me for something. When he got laid off a year later and before we knew we’d get enough benefits to survive on, I thought it was trying to prepare me for death, since I would kill myself before I ever tried to make it on the streets, something I know damn well I could never be tough enough to do. Anyway, I still have that feeling; that it was a preparation of some kind.

Before I get to that, once again I can’t help but laugh when I remember the beginning of the “cyber-friend” era. I would laugh at those who would claim to come to care for – even love – their cyber friends. I just didn’t get how that was possible with someone you never met. The idea of cyber friends – these mere electronic beings in space – seemed so unreal to me, almost like having imaginary friends. I totally would have passed out with laughter had someone told me years ago that a woman in Germany I never met would come to care for me – in some ways more than those I’m supposedly “closer” to – and I would care for her in return. She’s really been there for me and has let me cry on her shoulder and I really appreciate it. :) Yet despite having laughed at people in the past who claimed to care so much for their cyber friends, if I suddenly learned something happened to her I would literally collapse in a heap of tears. And if it was at the hands of another person(s) I won’t say in print just what I’d want to do to them.

But as much as I love my friends all in different yet similar ways, it might not be enough to stop us from ending it all if we continue to be trapped here with seemingly no way out, despite the crazy ideas Tom and I have thrown around at each other. Yeah, in case you’re just tuning in and you don’t know me well yet, my husband and I have been what you could call a couple of risk-taking adventurers. But after the last so-called adventure turned disastrous, I resolved to retire that adventurous side of me. But when you find that you’ve been merely alive and not living for too many years now, you tend to get a little crazy again at least in your mind with bazaar ideas.

As Nane said, Germany’s pretty much in the same situation as the U.S. In fact, Europe in general is. So relocating to another country with or without a husband that doesn’t have the knack I have for learning other languages, isn’t very feasible at all. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to have Nane close by (I don’t care anymore that she smokes and is a travel freak. Hell, I’d let her drag my ass down to Turkey with her if she wanted to), and she too wishes I weren’t so far away, especially with the hard time I’m going through, but there are crazy ideas and then there are crazy ideas. Not that we ever take our true love/soul mate for granted or anything like that but yeah, it sucks I can’t run and cry on her shoulder in person at times! As I told her directly, just hanging out together and snuggling up on a couch or something like that would be so nice every so often. No hanky panky, just the closeness. But 6,000 miles is anything but “close.” So here are 3 of the crazy U.S. ideas we tossed around in order of most likely to the least likely.

Idea #1, Drive to Nebraska

While I was having an amazingly dreamless sleep Tom was researching job markets in various states. He wondered what state had the lowest Unemployment rate but still had enough people in it and he came up with Nebraska. Their Unemployment rate is just 4%. I have a good cyber friend there, Alison. She is very smart, trustworthy and reliable so I know I could ask her any questions we may have if we were ever dumb enough to try to pull this plan off, and I would prefer to go to where we knew someone at least somewhat well rather than no one at all. I believe she’s in the Omaha area. Oh, what that would do to the troll, LOL! She’d be more jealous of me than I could ever be of Jim.

Anyway, if we chose this crazy idea, we would only keep the computers, stereo, treadmill and our clothes. I like the idea of eventually getting new stuff since I prefer newer things to older things but am still not sure it’s worth it. It would be with the hopes of eventually being able to get on our feet and then drop down into Florida at some point in our lives as Nebraska’s climate would be absolutely miserable compared to this. I like how it’d be mostly white people which would make getting a job even easier since they’re getting first dibs on everything these days, but the thought of having to once again do motels and apartments does NOT sit well with me. I don’t know how easy it would be to rent a house there but it should be easier than here because I just can’t believe NE is as expensive as CA. I would have to ask Alison questions like this.

Idea #2, Fly to Florida

This idea would mean getting rid of virtually everything but our clothes and the laptop and flying directly to Florida with whatever we can get from the sale of the car and whatever else we sell like the big Macs, big screen TV, laser printer, treadmill, etc. We would then hope to cut some kind of a deal with the people I won the Italy trip from and see if we could get the credit transferred to hotels in Florida. I guess we might try to do this if we went to Nebraska, but I don’t think they’ll go for it. They were pretty adamant about disallowing cash substitutes, transfers and exchanges, and even if we could easily afford to get to any state in the country, we couldn’t just hang out on the streets till he got a job and us into a place.

I like the idea of Florida’s climate, but the Unemployment rate isn’t much better there and then we have the competition of the “minorities” again that really aren’t the minorities anymore. In less than a decade Hispanics will be the majority. Hmm…wonder if that means we whites will finally be able to have any non-white attackers that may attack us for being white charged with a hate crime just like they can and just like everybody should be able to do. For now, we’re lucky if we can even get them on assault charges when they attack us.

I could stand to give up most of our possessions either way. It’s just stuff. But it would hurt to have to give up the big Macs, stereo and treadmill. I don’t care about the TV or printer or even the collectibles, but those other things might sting a bit. Especially since the odds of us ever being able to replace them, since I won these things to begin with, aren’t good. It would take forever to save for replacements, that’s for sure.

Idea #3 Run to Mommy & Daddy

This is the last thing we’d do since A, they would probably refuse to help us, B, you can’t have guests under 55 in senior communities for more than 2 weeks, and C, I wouldn’t get any sleep. Trying to sleep in motels and apartments with a sleep disorder is bad enough.

The idea, though, was to send them a letter (that way we wouldn’t have to worry about the connection breaking up) and tell them that things aren’t getting any better here and we’d like to sell everything and fly to them. Then ask if we could stay in their spare bedroom while Tom helped them at the store. Even I could help with Spanish for those customers who are too lazy to learn English. We would pay for internet service so I could mostly work online like I usually do until we could afford a place of our own.

Once again, though, this simply wouldn’t work. I love my mom but she can be a real bitch to be around for a few hours, let alone to live with for an extended period of time.

Going penniless or close to it to any state is out of the question, as again, we could come up with the money to get there but not to live. We’d be homeless before he got a job and us into a place. No thanks! I would rather just stay in pesky Jesse’s old shitbox and listen to his damn mutts before I was homeless in even the most perfect of climates. But we’re really good at tossing around crazy ideas just the same.

We are, however, going to see if we can weasel a deal for a trip to Florida instead of Italy with the travel credit I won. Like I said, I don’t think they’ll go for it, even if it’s of lesser value, but we’re gonna try. It’s just that it wouldn’t solve all our problems. Even if they gave us unlimited free hotel stays, how would we eat? How would we get around town? How would we do anything else???

sighs It all seems to come back to the same two shitty options – stay here forever or die. :(

Not much else going on other than triple-digit temps for tomorrow and too much talk of 9/11. I’m not saying we should forget the tragedy that happened. We need to remember so we can learn from it and better protect ourselves in the future. I just don’t see why we must rehash it and dwell on it so damn often.

Anyway, Nane is super busy and is soon leaving for TR. She said to remind her to order my book, but as I told her, while I’d love to have my first Germany sale, it’s just an edited version of the story she didn’t like as much.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 Wow, I’m both shocked and flattered that Nane and Mitch read the first 3 chapters of my story and liked it! Mitch is usually pretty critical but he found no problem with it and Nane referred to me as “talented” and said she liked it better than the last one which she admits she hasn’t read much of. I’m flattered and I appreciate her wishing I wasn’t so damn far away so she could talk me out of my “foolish” plans or at least stall them.

I would first like to say something about the tough and depressing situation I’m presently in. Our car is physically capable of driving us from California to Florida. We have enough left of the cash and gas cards I won to dump our shit, jump in the car and go. But after getting in the jam we got in back in 2007, it’s not that simple. One really needs at least 10K to make a big move safely. So yeah, we could up and go to Florida, but then what? Where would we stay until he got a job and where would we get the money needed to get into a place? Hotels cost a fortune, even the cheap ones. So it’s not that easy since you can’t get a job overnight and most rentals want first and last month’s rent and a deposit, too. Neither of us cares to lose everything and be homeless for the many months it could take to get our feet on the ground there, warmer climate or not.

Here, the heat rages on in the 90s, but it’s only a matter of time now before we drop into the 50s and below – ugh.

Anyway, hearing from Nane and Mitch really put a smile on my face which was all the more appreciated in these tough times. For a minute I wished I hadn’t come to have such good friends, not just because Wales and Germany are too damn far away, but because it also puts my emotions in a bit of a tug of war when I think of dying and leaving them. I love my friends dearly; even more than my own family. Yes, I’d rather spend a week with Nane than my own sister and a week with Mitch over my parents since my mom can be a real bitch at times, but I also have to consider the welfare and happiness of my husband and me at the same time. I hate to hurt my friends and family, but I can’t guarantee 100% or make any promises as far as surviving these tough times because I don’t know that I can or will. I’m just going to try to enjoy the moment while it lasts. That’s really all I can do no matter how much time I may or may not have left to live. If we do choose to end it no one will know how, when or where that will be. You’ll just have to look for our obits on legacy.com if all online activity from me ever ceases to exist for more than a week or so.

Like any other human being, I really do want to live and be happy and be in the driver’s seat of my life. I don’t want to give up on life, but life has given up on me and now the economy, as well as other circumstances beyond my control, is in the driver’s seat of my life. I have tried and tried to grab hold of the wheel, but it seems no matter how hard I try it remains forever out of reach.

Nane had said she wasn’t ashamed to be able to take vacations after working her ass off for 30 years, and she shouldn’t be. But it is absolutely heartbreaking to see my husband work just as hard just and just as long and this is the shit he gets for it. Despite all his experience and hard work, he is constantly passed over for the younger, darker-skinned people of this twisted country.

It’s ironic that I spent so much of my childhood dreaming of living here. Then one day, when I least expected it, that dream became a reality. Who would have known I’d one day end up trapped in the place I dreamed of living in and wishing I could get the hell out?! I almost feel teased when I gaze out the kitchen window at the car. It’s almost like the car is waving and saying, “Hey there. :) I can take you to Florida. Only you can’t go, hahaha!” But seeing how any dream I am lucky enough to obtain turns into some kind of joke, maybe it’s for the better that I am hopelessly stuck in the most populous state in the country where every 1 out of 8 of us are jobless.

I have searched and searched in my mind for a reasonable way out of this little old dump, but I simply cannot see any. Oh, sure we’d be free to go and comfortably and safely make the move to Florida if I won 100K, but I’d say the odds of that are next to nil as good as I am (or used to be) with winning. I can only “influence” so much. But Hanes has been supplying my panties for over 3 years now, LOL. Yes, I do well at winning their socks and even better at winning their panties like I just did. Not sure how I managed to squeeze my ass into a size 5, but I guess all the physical training is paying off after all even if I haven’t yet learned (especially before periods) to keep my damn mouth shut to the food as often as I should.

Anyway, Tom had a phone interview, but at this point, it doesn’t really matter if the September job dream was indeed a premonition or not because we’d still be stuck here. Call me selfish, call me spoiled, but I just can’t accept the idea of being trapped in this tiny old trailer indefinitely with an efficient but drunken landlord who won’t shut his damn dogs up when he takes off on weekends. I just can’t! I know there are worse places to be stuck in, but I really, truly would rather be dead than be “sentenced” to life in Jesse’s trailer. As much as I’d miss my friends, pet rat and hobbies, there would be some good to dying now as funny as it may sound. If we go now we wouldn’t have to struggle for another 30 years or so. I have also always hated the idea of watching Tom grow old and having to stand by helplessly and watch him die and then have to die alone. He’s 8 years older, we don’t have anyone to help us when we get older, and women usually do live longer than men.

No matter what happens, I hope my closest friends know that I really do love them and appreciate the time they’ve given me. Sometimes it’s those we least expect that end up being our truest and most accepting friends. Nane, Maliheh, Mitch and Christine have never once denied or made fun of my sleep disorder or anything else about me. I don’t think they care that I’m hyper, short and fat (even though no one else seems to think I’m that fat). Yet those I’ve known forever and that I would think would be the most caring and supportive have done nothing but put me down. Damn, I wish Nane was down the street and Mitch was up the street! And of course I miss the hell outa Maliheh, too. Maybe I’ll get to “see” them from the other side if I really do end it.

I’m confused about the pension policy. We were just talking about it and I guess he may never have been eligible after all for a lump sum, or maybe he was before they made some changes right around the time he left AMEX. He’s sent away for the paperwork that will hopefully tell him exactly what he’s eligible for and when, but I still don’t expect it to tell us what we want to hear. I’m just sick of the money teases! The horses, the partnership, his mother, the pension… and now I’m supposed to believe my own mother when she says “it’ll be ok” when she was hinting at an inheritance? Well, that’s really nice of her but I’d rather she just live. I know she can’t live forever, though, but she still has a good 5-10 years left in her, I would think, and I’m sure something up there will take that from us, too. As it is I worry they’ll get our social security next. So right now sticking around doesn’t look likely. This is a huge and devastating blow to us.

Oddly enough, however, I didn’t wake up in the horrible mood I’ve been waking up in where I just want to throw the blanket over my head, return to sleep and never wake up. I don’t know why. Nothing’s changed. I shall enjoy it while it lasts, for I know it’s only a matter of time before the depression returns and I’m once again in a fit of tears.

Tom went to the mail place today and a guy who works there was sitting outside and was so glad to see him. LOL, the guy didn’t have his key. He was so grateful that he gave us a free month.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2011 Andy’s still checking out my blog. Why? If I’m such a lazy excuse queen and what basically equates to a liar, why bother?

Anyway, I’m not as sluggish and as depressed now that my period is just about over, but I’m not exactly wide awake and dancing for joy either. I think I’ll go back to taking multivitamins. Maybe that’ll perk me up. As for being happier, well, that’s something only whatever’s up there can help me with at this point since we’re doing all we can do on our part, but it seems whatever’s up there has better things to do. To believe that God helps those who help themselves is to believe that I’m really a tall, blond with brown eyes. I know we can’t help what we believe but I’ve still got to laugh at those who dare venture out at night in a dangerous neighborhood so sure that God “has their backs.” Why should they assume that? He didn’t have the backs of the kid who was beaten to death for crying too much, or the woman who was in a deadly car accident, or the guy who acquired a deadly disease, so what makes them think they’re any more special?

Tom has officially begun investigating the so-called pension fund and the results, if he can ever find anyone to tell him anything, will be a true test of just how accurate my prediction is of us being destined to be poor all our lives. After all, it’s only the bad dreams/vibes that seem to come true. That’s why I haven’t gotten any win notices so far this month, nor has he gotten a job; because those dreams were just wishful thinking.

So far I’m continuing to appear to be right on with the poverty predictions seeing that he can’t even find a number to call to see if he can find anything out. We’ve had our hopes jacked up for nothing on account of money enough times in the past for me to have much hope where the pension’s concerned. And I know it won’t be “alright” like my mother said. Meaning I don’t expect an inheritance of any kind either. It’s totally unreasonable to think that my parents, in death, could help save us or make our lives any easier. We’ll never again be able to rent a real house anywhere at any time, let alone own.

What will we lose next, our retirement fund and our social security? Maybe that gut feeling I had that something was trying to prepare me for something (like death) back in 2007 was correct after all. It’s sure looking that way at this point.

Only one of you needs to be at least 55 to rent/own in a Florida adult community, but I don’t see how we could ever afford to rent a real house there or anywhere else ever again unless it was a dump in a city in a state less popular. Sort of like Klamath Falls, Oregon. Life really is for the rich. Meanwhile, we poor folks don’t stand much of a chance to get in on much excitement and do much living. Just existing. That’s all we do is simply exist, day after day, month after month, year after year. Of course there’s still always the chance there’s a few grand in the pension account; enough to keep our sorry existent comfortable for a while, but not enough to make any major changes in our lives. I doubt it, though. I think something up there likes knowing our only alternative in life is to stay here in this little old shitbox.

Nane’s disappeared again but Irene is back from Italy, so I found when she dropped some cute hearts on my wall. She said she had a good time.

Tom just gave me an update. Ugh, I was right. :( We were supposed to have the option of a lump sum of about 20K when he turns 55 next year or monthly payments of $200. But now they’re saying he can’t get a lump sum at any age and that all he can get is the payments at 65 or seriously reduced payments earlier. In other words, we’re not getting shit and after 5 years of being right about predicting we’ll be poor all our lives, I will continue to be very correct about that one.

Maybe the reason I had a suicidal character in A Rainbow in Munich is because of how much I could relate to “Rainbow” and her pain and misery. Only I’m going to make sure no one saves me when I go to take my worthless life for I do not want it saved.

Tom doesn’t want to leave me to die alone, so the first night it’s cool enough, we’re outa here. I’m sick of the world, the system, and everyone else shitting on us with their false promises and the way they hold us back in life in various ways. I’ll be damned if I’ll struggle in someone else’s old shitbox to the tune of our drunken landlord’s dogs until we end up starving to death cuz they’ve cut our retirement fund and social security, too. We were just as deserving and willing to work as anyone else!

If you’re up there, God, I’m sorry you hated me so much you felt I deserved to be abused by my mom while my dad looked the other way. And I’m sorry you felt I deserved to be abused even more in the “places” you allowed me to be sent to. Lastly, I’m sorry you feel my husband and I don’t deserve to have much of a life and a piece of the so-called American Dream in some peaceful modest little house somewhere where we didn’t have to worry month after month about how the hell we were going to survive.

I could go on and on about how fucked up, twisted and unfair the world is and how much I’ve come to hate this country and the people running it, and then I could go on and on about why 45 is actually a great age to die when you really sit and think about it.

There are so many little reasons to be glad we’re almost outa here on top of the big pic of lifelong poverty, never getting what we want in life, and having me have to watch Tom grow old and die and then die alone myself. The end of the month would be perfect too; I’d get to miss out on the cold, we’d never have to pay Jesse another month’s rent, and I’d never have to have another period. Here’s a list of just some of the goodies we get to miss out on:

No more struggling to get the little things we need or want to make life more comfortable, ex: body pillows, ink carts, glasses, etc.

No more money teases - horses, jobs, inheritance, lost pensions.

No more barking.

No growing old and developing physical problems and not having anyone around to help us.

No more weight worries/struggles.

No more hassles of dying hair regularly and dealing with curls.

No more fucked up DSL.

No having to worry about my family getting me back east for my parent’s funerals.

No more having to be put out by my schedule curse.

No more worrying about the car breaking and not having a backup vehicle.

Being able to get a good laugh out of the guilt our deaths will put on some people like the queen and Miss Perfect. Wait a minute, are they even capable of feeling such a thing? It’s still funny anyway.

Knowing that unless God/negative cloud fucks with us worse in the afterlife, we will finally be free of any more curses.

You don’t have to worry anymore about jobs or having any evil bosses/coworkers and a job you hate should you ever have gotten another one.

No more longing for my old sex drive and longing to be “normal” sexually despite my age or attracted to women, etc.

My ear and teeth can never bother me again, nor can my joints or other things get any worse.

No more PMS, periods, menopause, fatigue, anger or depression.

No more wishing we had more space, plugs and full-size appliances like washers/dryers/dishwashers.

No more being too short to reach things.

Not even the “little dreams” and goals were possible like encasing the dolls, so no more of that shit.

No more having to see you put out by sleeping on such an uncomfortable piece of shit - don’t tell me it’s “ok” - or having to lose out on other things, big or small.

No more cold weather.

My eyes couldn’t get any worse.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2011 Hola, gentes. I have been fighting a severe case of depression which is why I haven’t been writing as much lately. I don’t know how I fell into such a deep well of depression but I guess that when each month nothing changes for the better I sink a little further, and it’s been so many months now. I wanted to float back up to the surface and climb my way back out, but now I’m not so sure I care anymore. This depression is so miserable to live with that it’s simply no way to live at all. I really think my days are numbered and so I’m going to just take it one day at a time but continue to live as if life will go on as usual.

I really wanted to live and be happy and achieve my goals and dreams in life. I was willing to do whatever was physically and mentally within my means of doing in order to reach these goals, but instead I have failed at every single thing I ever set out to do in life. Well, almost everything. Obviously, I eventually succeeded in quitting smoking. But it seems that most of the time I either fail to succeed, or when I do manage to snag a goal/dream it isn’t long before it turns into some kind of nightmare I didn’t plan on it being or it slips out of my grasp completely. As my husband who loves me, Tom is always going to tell me I’m not a failure and I’m not this awful fluke of nature destined to fuck up that now not only wants to die but feels she deserves to die. Yet no matter who tries to tell me what right now I can’t help but feel this way. I haven’t been this depressed in years. I’ve always been against prescription drugs for treating emotional problems, especially after what happened to me with the Navane. I always felt it was no better than turning to drugs or alcohol, but at this point, I just might consider antidepressants in the near future if this shit doesn’t back off. Then again maybe the only way to get rid of it is to kill myself, IDK.

Tom said I’ll feel better once I get my period. Well, I’ve got my period. It came today. And while I’m not as fatigued or as depressed as I have been, it’s still lingering a bit.

Except for Nane, I’ve been hearing less and less from my friends. I blame myself for that as I know most people don’t want to hang out with those who are down in the dumps. I thought about saying I was ok and that things were going well, but then I’d be lying and I don’t want to do that just so people can have happier journal entries and messages to read. Remember, it may not be much fun hearing from someone who’s unhappy, but imagine how they feel. The only thing I can say for sure is that I will never again attempt to explain my sleeping disorder to anyone else ever again! Some people get it or at least say they do. Others just freak out over what they don’t get and haven’t experienced themselves and automatically go right into denial mode.

I don’t know if it’s all due to how shitty my life is, being on the rag, or if something else is wrong with me I don’t know about. The depression, the forgetfulness, the fatigue – it’s driving me crazy! And if I don’t figure out how to fix things soon I’m going to go off the deep end for sure.

I gained back the weight I lost like I do every month when that old PMS hunger kicks in. I don’t know what makes me so damn hungry during those times but I need to eat nearly twice as much as normal so that’s part of why I keep going around in these endless cycles with the weight. That’s ok. I don’t mind being a big girl. I am what I was meant to be. I’ll still keep exercising regularly but I’m not going to worry anymore about the extra weight. I’m just not going to be able to do much bodybuilding without being able to clear the fat. I can do some with the 25 extra pounds, but I won’t have as much of a ripped look as those who can clear the fat have. You just gotta have the right metabolism for weight loss and I ain’t got it.

We’re hoping to know this week just what may or may not be in the pension fund. Tom’s gonna really start pushing them for info starting tomorrow. Knowing that and what the age requirements are for rentals in Florida senior communities is going to hinge on my decision to either continue living a life I don’t want to live or just end it all. I still expect to be poor throughout most of my life no matter what. I would just prefer not to live most of it in Jesse’s little old trailer.

There is some good news in the mix and that’s that I had another big win dream, so I know I’m looking at another goodie coming up. I just hope it’s something we can use. In the dream, I won $1500 worth of baby gear I knew I could sell, but I rarely win what I dreamed of winning. It could be anything from $500 cash to a $1500 shopping spree somewhere. Chances are whatever it is is valued at no less than a grand.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2011 No calls about the job with the new dumbed-down résumé (I still think it’s his age and color that’s hindering him). This both surprises and doesn’t surprise me. I’m surprised because it was for shit pay. Doesn’t God want us to be poor? I mean isn’t that the whole point here? But it was for a permanent position too, and after 4 years without one, I’d say that’s a definite no-no as far as what’s allowed in our cards these days. Really, I can’t see him ever working a permanent position ever again in our lives. I still say he’ll get just a few weeks here and a few months there till he’s old enough to retire and then maybe we can get the hell out of this tiny old trailer and away from Jesse’s dogs and his fucking motorcycle and other shit.

But that’s questionable too. I wish I could say I was happy and that things are going well, but I feel anything but happy right now, PMSing or not. I’m very depressed. I feel drained as hell both physically and mentally. And totally helpless. I slept 12 hours after being exhausted all day yesterday yet I’m still exhausted. Tom thinks it’s a combination of PMS and the intense workouts. Could be but maybe it’s that I’m tired of life and living. I just don’t want to live feeling like I’m this puppet on a string destined to act out this script and live a life I don’t want to live.

Nane said not to give up on life and that maybe he’d get a job tomorrow and maybe my next book would be a best seller (I’d probably win the lottery before the second thing happened), and well, a lot of people tell me maybe this will happen and maybe that will happen. But there’s only so long I can go on living on maybes that never happen. I feel like I’m only allowed to exist, but not live. I also still feel like something up there sees me as this undeserving piece of shit that must be denied every single dream she could ever have. Something that has enjoyed sitting back and allowing so many bad things to happen to me in my life.

I feel so unaccomplished and inadequate. Just cuz I’ve learned a few languages and written a few books doesn’t mean I’ve accomplished much in life. Really, I feel like such an accomplished loser and that all I’ve managed to “accomplish” is fucking up!

Back when I once wanted to be a big-time singer I wasn’t surprised that wasn’t meant to be. That was asking for a bit much, wasn’t it? But then I wanted to be a mom and when I saw I couldn’t even get that, that’s what made me believe that it didn’t matter what I wanted. As long as it was me that wanted it, it would be forever denied me. I eventually became glad for various reasons that stardom and motherhood never happened. But then one day I dreamed of living in a modest, simple little house that wasn’t a mansion but that wasn’t puny either, nor did it include the sounds of other people’s animals. I thought that maybe – just maybe – it would be possible to achieve since this was my first material dream. But no. Anything I long for must remain forever out of reach; far-fetched, reasonable, materialistic or “normal.”

I must also continue to be one of life’s little flukes of nature who can’t have a normal sleeping schedule, a normal job, a normal sex life and do things most people do like get in a car and drive it fearlessly. Oh, and I must, must, must love and lust other women who don’t feel the least bit of attraction or feelings for me in return.

I was reading a friend’s post about how she doesn’t get why God punishes people like by letting their babies die while He rewards those who wreak havoc on people’s lives just because they can. Well, maybe I just need to be an ass of sorts and start dumping on people a bit. Not to the point that they’re harmed or that I’m breaking the law, but maybe if I’d be a little bit meaner and pick on someone just for the hell of it, better things would come our way. Or maybe I’d simply be unable to do so because of the guilt I’d feel. At the same time I’m getting more numb with age I’m also feeling things I couldn’t feel before when I was younger and guilt is one of them. Oh, I’m not as compassionate as most folks out there. Don’t get me wrong. If someone shot Jesse’s dogs right now most people would want to shoot them. I’d want to send them a thank-you card. So I ain’t all sugar and spice and everything nice. No way. But to me, there’s a difference between picking on people and forever silencing dogs that drive some of us crazy for a good 15 hours a week or so. So if someone said to me that so and so was a real jerk, go pick on them, I don’t know that I could. I’m just not 25 anymore. I’m not even who I was a couple of years ago.

What I don’t get is why I keep dreaming of the troll lately.

Tom just said the color toner cartridges have finally run out on the laser printer I won a few years ago. So maybe in 5 years, we can afford to renew them. At least they lasted 3 years.

In reality, I am becoming more and more forgetful and wondering why. Is it just age? Because I do so much? Something else?

In my imagination, he turns 55 and doesn’t have a job worth hanging onto, if he has one at all. We find out there’s more money than expected in his pension fund. We buy a toy trailer and head for Florida. Then after he gets a job we rent a nice little house in a peaceful retirement community where dogs are household pets and not left outdoors for hours at a time let alone around the clock.

Yeah, see what a wild and active imagination I have? He is gonna start pushing for information, though, as to just how much – if anything – we can expect to receive. I’m guessing that if there’s anything at all we’re only looking at 3 to 5 grand. He thinks there’ll be something, but has no guesses as to how much it could be.

If by some miracle there’s a hell of a lot more than I think there is, then we need to find out the age requirements for Florida’s senior communities because if it’s 65 for both people, we may as well stay here. I will not live in the mainstream ever again unless it’s out in the country like we are now. But there are no rural areas of Florida unless you want to live in the swamps with the alligators. No thanks! I would really rather stick with Jesse’s dogs and fleet of vehicles than add the car stereos and the screaming children to the mix.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2011 So much for thinking the exercise was giving me energy and stabilizing my moods.

First, there’s been no activity on Andy’s Formspring page at all. He hasn’t answered the daily questions or changed his background.

I know I shouldn’t laugh at Tom, but when you covered 3 miles between 3-4 MPH and burned 320 calories in an hour it’s hard not to when you see him walk for 20 minutes at 2.5 MPH, LOL.

I am really starting to look athletic - yes! Only problem is all I wanna do is eat. :(

And why have I been exhausted ever since my workout? Is it because of the extra half hour? PMS? Something else? I almost feel drugged. That’s part of why my entry’s so late today on top of having so much to do.

Over the last few days, I’ve had such wonderful chats with Nane and we have become immensely closer with the distance, you could say, even if I still doubt we’ll ever meet and it’s mostly just for fun.

What was funny was how shocked and amazed she was when I “saw” some things about “Jim” in my dreams. His age (49) and other things as well. Although she says he really seems to love her and she loves him, she did say she was flattered I seem to think I like her so much even though I don’t know her, she likes me a lot, I seem interesting, and am fun to swap messages with. In other words, she’s not as into me as I am into her, but that’s how it’s always been with the hotties that are with it. I still think, though, that if I were her only choice or she was alone and lonely and I was available to her she might go for me then if only for sex. Still not sure I could picture us in a relationship, though I can picture it just fine in my stories and my imagination.

It was so funny because yesterday she was like, what’s a DP? You and your abbreviations! LOL, I told her DP meant dream premonitions. Yeah, her and her Turkish, too!

Tom was laughing about it and suggested I don’t use that particular abbreviation because it’s a sex abbreviation.

“For what?” I asked him. “Dead pussy?”

Then he told me it stood for double penetration but I’ve never heard that one before, LOL.

Love how she said she read the review on my book and that she thinks she’ll order it. I wonder if she realizes it’s not a real book and that a friend of mine left the review after she bought a copy herself.

I asked her if today’s Germany visitor (missed by TIP) was her and she said no. The beginning of the month is when they’re at their busiest at work, so she didn’t have time to surf. So now I’m back to thinking the mystery Germany visitors aren’t her. If that’s true, then she’s only visited my blog twice.

I left a wall post saying Irene’s death toll was up to 43. She thought I was talking about her friend, LOL, just like I thought she was talking about her when she asked about Hurricane Irene. Anyway, she thought it was some game or something at first. Then she added that I probably knew how they met and that she was really cool to hang with in New York, but has changed a lot. I’m kind of surprised she left that on her wall and I wonder what she meant by it, though she did remove it later on. I asked in private but she hasn’t answered. And now it’s the weekend, so I don’t expect to hear from her till Monday unless Jim has the early shift again.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2011 I don’t want to get into any details yet, but Tom may have a job soon. And ironically it’s September. As I mentioned months ago, about a month after he got laid off last March I had a dream that he wouldn’t be back to work till September. It’s also ironic that the day after Nane said, “Maybe Tom will get a job tomorrow,” when she was telling me not to give up on life, he gets this interview.

It’s funny because not even a day after I threw his work shirts back into the bedroom closet to try to “jinx” things, and less than an hour after applying online, they called him for an interview. I just wish America would get off this trip of hiring the youngest person with the darkest skin first!

The job seems “perfectly shitty” enough for him, though, and totally the kind of job whatever’s up there would like for him to have, I would think since something’s so hell-bent on seeing that we remain forever poor. The job is close by and would be a permanent position, but it’s only part-time and wouldn’t pay well. It would be comparable to what we get from Unemployment. The government would still have to pay for our food. As Tom said, though, he’s become bitter toward the world, so why not let the government buy our food while he has more free time? I agree with him! If the government can give millions to other countries, why not float a couple hundred our way for food?

The weight is finally starting to come off! I’m losing inches faster than weight, but it’s slowly coming off. I feel so much better. Less sluggish/moody. Miss Teri sure was right in saying 30 minutes of working out would make a difference as opposed to 20 minutes. I asked her if going to an hour would make even more of a difference. I wasn’t sure since one’s body can make changes only so fast, but she said it would make a huge difference. Working my arms and abs adds a good half hour or so to my daily routine as well.

I think that once I got it through my sometimes thick head that no, you really can’t have certain foods, especially starch and sugar, it really helped. I try to stick to foods high in protein and have a lot of meat, fruits, veggies, eggs and a little dairy. Getting rid of that high-cal coffee creamer helped, too.

Thank God I love walking and running. If it bored me as much as bike riding I’d never get fit! I still have a lot of fat to kill, but I’ll kill it. :) It will just take several more months to do it.

There’s this Facebook application in German that Irene got me started on where you answer questions about your friends. I’ve done them in Spanish and Italian before. Not realizing it was putting it on people’s walls, I got a kick out of how Sharyn “liked” my “yes” answer to “Do I think Sharyn’s in love with me?” LOL, so I guess she knows a little German.

Jesse now wants the rent in cash, further evidence that he’s trying to hide the fortune he makes off of us to try to get on disability. That’s ok; I’d do the same thing. I just wish he’d start taking responsibility for his damn dogs when he’s not home. At least I should be asleep throughout tonight’s racket. :)

I won a book yesterday and if I don’t start winning more than piddly little crap here and there like I’ve been doing lately, I’m not renewing my sweeps subscription.

Seems like just yesterday I was waiting for summer to begin and now it’s September already. I hate September. Not as much as I did as a kid when it meant having to return to school, but I hate it because it’s the onslaught of cooler weather and half a year of one fucking holiday after another. :(

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httpdabi · 3 years ago

Text

AmongUs

Summary: You decided to play AmongUs with your best friend and troll some randoms in there, what you didn’t really expect was to meet an extremely handsome stranger that has to offer you things your ex boyfriends never did.

Genre: smut, romance, No quirks looool

Word count: 7.5k

Warnings: 18+ (minors fuck off kindly), creampie, multiple orgasms, fingering, forced orgasm, daddy kink, dom!Dabi, orgasm denial, praising!

I had lots of fun writing this! Hope you enjoy it <3

,, Girl, you promised that you’ll come over tonight’’ you whined loudly over the phone, as your best friend Nejire told you that she won’t be able to make it, breaking your plans into tiny little pieces. Damn her childhood friend and his whole family deciding to come exactly today over, ruining your perfect evening with your best friend.

,, Yeah, but we can drink and play, doesn’t matter if we ain’t together, I’m sure he’ll like to play with us ‘’ you could almost feel her smile on the other line, and with only that you couldn’t even think about being mad at her, knowing very well how much she loves that guy. Probably in a way that no friends love each other.

,, Yeah, yeah. But girl, if you dich me tonight and let me troll people on my own, I’ll never forgive you’’ you smiled, knowing very well that she won’t do that. The two of you spend too much time playing stupid games together, drinking till you are comfortable enough to argue with strangers online, and troll the shit out of them.

Since it was weekend, and you were spending time on your own, you decided to start drinking a bit earlier. Turning on a movie, you started sipping on your wine, exchanging some texts with your best friend every now and then.

Your first glass was done way too fast, and you were already sitting in front of your computer with your forth glass beside the keyboard, and a cigarette in your right hand, texting a code to Nejire as you puffed on your cigarette.

The moment you saw one familiar and one not so familiar usernames getting into the private lobby , you smiled widely once Nejire started laughing loudly.

,, HAHAHA BITCH WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT’’ she screamed, as her lover boy giggled quietly beside her, probably too shy to say anything.

,, What is wrong with Kentuckycriedfricken?’’ you asked, as you slowly tapped with your fingers over the table. Well, you weren’t so creative tonight, but you could only blame alcohol on that.

,, Why the fuck are you called TURKEY_SANDWICH’’ you added another question, not giving her a chance to answer to your first one.

,,BECAUSE I’M CARVING ONE’’Nejire screamed, and in that moment you knew very well that she drank as much as you did, if not even more. You giggled to yourself, as you watched the room getting full, some people talking, some texting in the chat and some simply waiting.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, once you saw all the people commenting START In the small chat box. There was something about it that was pissing you off, making you kick or ban anyone who writes it. This time, you were too busy laughing with your friend, and instead doing any of it, you simply started the game.

CREWMATE

You sighed in relief, taking a sip of your wine, as Nejire ran around you with her friend, singing loudly. Ignoring the two of them, you made your way to the Admin room, to swipe the card, not so surprised once you saw a crew of other players doing the same thing.

,,KENTUCKYCRIEDFRICKEN WHERE ARE YOU’’ you heard Nejire once she entered the room. Once she noticed the cyan color hiding in the crowd she hurried with her Pink character toward you.

,,Wanna watch me scan?’’ she asked, making you giggle as she just gave you the secret code, making sure you know that she’s the Impostor.

,,Nah, Imma pass’’ you said, getting out of the room. You were pretty sure she’ll win the game, since she had you and her friend on her damn side, but you did wish you could know who the other Impostor is. Ignoring her, you made your way toward the Weapons, to clear the damn Asteroids and just look for someone to play around with. These people were way too quiet for your taste.

,,Heyyyy what’s up man?’’ you almost screamed excitedly when you saw a dark blue character, hopefully a crewmate, standing there and clearing Asteroids, or you thought so. You forced your voice a pitch higher, giggling to yourself, knowing how stupid you sound.

,,Oh my god, how old are you?’’ the stranger asked. The moment you spoke, all the giggles were gone. That guys voice was so damn deep, you literally had to lit a cigarette before you decided to speak up again.

,,Old enough’’ you laughed, refusing to tell him your real age just now.

,,Older than 18?’’ he asked, as you were shooting those Asteroids, not that focused.

,, Of course’’ you gasped, rolling your eyes, like he might see you.

,, Thanks God.. Do you play Amongus often ?’’ he asked, not even knowing that his fucking voice was doing things to you.

,, Amongus is my favoire game’’ you said, finishing your task. The way he talked to you, you were almost sure that he was trying to troll you a bit there, probably thinking you are one of those uwu pick me girls.

,,Mhmm.. you’re up pretty late.. what’s your bed time?’’ he asked, and with that question you were more than sure that he was messing around.

,, Daddy beats me if I don’t go to bed at 9’’ you tried to hold your laugh, and you could almost hear the stranger doing the same thing you do.

,, Ohh, I could be your daddy and I would never do that to you ‘’ he said. In that moment, if it wasn’t for his voice, you would probably just laugh loudly and just go away. But damn, the way he said that.

,,HAHHAHA YOU CRAZY FUCK’’ You choked out, once you got out of your little dream, liking how he played along.

,, So that’s your real voice’’ he mumbled, small muffed laugh following the sentence, as you ran away from him. You didn’t hear a voice like that for a long time, and you really hoped that the dude will follow you around for the rest of the game.

Which at your surprise happened.

You were about to ask him some stupid question, but in that very moment someone found a fucking body.

,,Pink killed white and just jumped into the vent in front of me’’ some dude accused Nejire, and that’s when you knew that you have to jump in.

,, I saw Pink scan tho, so that makes you pretty sus dude’’ you lied without thinking twice. Yeah, you knew that it’s more fun if you play by the rules, and don’t team up.. but Nejire is rarely the Impostor and she’s always so damn excited when she wins.

,, Yeah, that’s Pretty sus… ‘’ your new friend said, probably believing you, since you two spent some short time together.

At the end of the short meeting, White was voted out.

You made your way to Reactor to do your task, and Nejire and her friend followed you, probably to look a bit clear to others. You hated the task you had to do, so you took your time, ignoring the loud laughs coming from your friend.

Shortly, the voice of Nejire was changed with the deep one.

,, So, what do you do usually?’’ he asked, as you tried to start the reactor. You had trouble with that task without being tipsy, so alcohol wasn’t really helping in your current situation.

,, I’m streets salesman of burgers’’ you joked, making him laugh a bit. Only to end up telling him that you are actually a student, having a mini job at the café near where you live. You weren’t even sure if his voice was making you speak up or the alcohol, but you almost found yourself telling him the story of your life.

,, Where are you going?’’ he asked you, as you made your way toward Electrical, stopping once the lights got off. You didn’t want to look sus to him, but you didn’t want to go there, since everyone knows that the first person that enters the room will end up dead.

,,Well, I wanted to go to electrical, to do my task, but not so sure about it anymore’’ you said honestly, running around him.

,, Come on, I’ll keep you safe’’ he laughed, and you followed him. The moment you were about to do your task, the game finished, showing how the Impostors won.

You heart almost skipped a beat when you saw In the chat box how your dark blue feiend was the second Impostor. You found it extremely cute that he had way too many chances to kill you and he never did. Instead of killing you, he was simply chatting with you.

CREWMATE

Usually you were the one to hate playing as impostor, always feeling the pressure and thinking that you’ll ruin the game for the other impostor, but tipsy like that, you wished you could be one now, and kill some crewmates around.

,, Doll, teaming ain’t nice’’ deep voice told you as you were downloading the data in the Cafeteria.

,, Awh, come on, she needs a bit of support’’ you said, focused on his voice more than on your task. ,,After all you just used me to clear yourself and look less sus’’ you added and he sighed loudly, acting shocked that you could even think of him like that.

You thought that the little play with the stranger will be just one time ‘’experience’’, but at your surprise he asked you for your instagram at the end. Usually you aren’t the one to share your personal information’s with others, and you also weren’t sure what you’re getting into, yet you found yourself giving him your username before you turned the computer off and drifted into a deep sleep.

Once you woke up, your phone was blown up with notifications, every single one from instagram. One text message and the rest of it were likes.

[Touyaf]:

,,Well, didn’t expect you to be this pretty.. super glad I met you there ’’

You smiled to yourself as you read the little message, with one of your post attached to it. Tapping on his username, your eyes almost widened in shock once you realized that not only his fucking voice was attractive. The dude was a motherfucking snack, and you had a pretty big luck that you found him in that silly lobby.

To Touyaf:

,, Heyy, you ain’t looking bad either lol same, let’s play together again ‘’

You replied, before you returned to his profile to like some photos he posted. Being honest, you didn’t know what to expect, but what you didn’t expect was a black haired guy, with piercings and tattoos covering his body. He definitely didn’t look like someone who spends his time on computer playing fucking Among us.

Hopping out of your bed, you made your way to get ready for the day. There were many things you planned to do, so you didn’t really want to waste your time. The faster you’re done, the more time you’ll have at the end.

After you packed all the post you had to send for your work, you headed to the bus station, hoping you’ll be able to catch the next bus. At your surprise Dabi was replying to your messages way too fast, making it one of the conversations where your eyes simply have to stay glued to your phone.

You found it almost funny how you ended up checking up your phone more often than usual, for someone you didn’t even meet yet. Sure, his profile looks legit, but the possibility that some attention thirsty freak is hiding behind that profile will be there till you meet him personally.

Once you finished everything up, you made your way toward the little Game shop, the one you were a well known costumer in. The now not so new Crash Bandicoot game that got out months ago was finally on the sale. You wanted to buy it the same day it got out, but $75 was too much, and it’s not like you’re shitting money.

The moment you bought the game, you wished you could fucking teleport yourself home, but sadly, you still had stuff to do and the game had to wait.

Your steps felt heavy, as you pushed yourself in the crowd, trying to keep your balance. Someone’s shoulder almost knocked you out, making your blood boil in just a damn second. Turning your head to the side, more than ready to fight, a smile crept on your face once you realized who you’re facing.

,, OH MY fucking god ‘’ you gasped, pointing every word out.

,, Woww, you’re alive’’ your cousin laughed, once she realized that you were ready to throw some hands. You really wanted to go home, but since ALL OF SUDDEN, both you and your cousin had some time, she forced you to go grab a coffee with her.

The two of you wanted to meet for a long time, but yet none of you could manage to get some free time and meet.

,, Yeah, Kai went to that Music program. The whole town was voting for him, didn’t you know that?’’ she said, talking about your childhood friend that always wanted to become famous.

,, Wow, strong community ‘’ you joked, acting surprised. Even tho he was your friend, you had to be honest. He couldn’t sing for shit.

The two of you ended up spending much more time than you planned to, and you ended up not minding it at all. You actually enjoyed talking about random shit form the last with her.

,, Wow, I didn’t think Bonnie is still alive. That dog could sense us from far away, so weird’’ your cousin said, sipping on her now cold coffee. ,, You think she would still smell or sense me if I would be on my way to your parents house ?’’ she added, eyes almost twinkling excitedly.

,, She can definitely smell your stinky ass’’ you joked, playing with the metal straw in your drink.

,, Oh eat shit, I’m sweating so much that I’m showering two times a day’’ she protested, slapping your arm playfully.

,,And even that ain’t helping’’ you laughed loudly once you saw her disgusted face.

The two of you finally parted ways, once you told her that you have some other important plans, deciding its better not to tell her that you’re dying to go home and play the game you bought.

You almost teared up once you were finally in your pajamas, laying comfortably on your couch and playing the game. You almost teared up, when you chose the retro function of the game, where you can get and loose life, thinking you’re the old school gamer. Oh, how fast you changed it once you realized how hard the game is.

After playing the game for two hours, you realized that you definitely won’t be able to finish it in one night. You were glad that the production was aiming for the old public, but you didn’t expect it to be that hard.

[Touyaf]:

,,The game is dope as fuckkkk, but too easy imo’’

You smiled when you saw that he replied to the picture you posted on the story.

To Touyaf:

,, Are you insane ? I’m on the same level thirty fucking minutes now :( ‘’

You replied, as you continued with the game, only to pause it after one minute of gameplay just to check your phone when you saw the instagram notification.

[Touyaf]:

,, Want me to help you?’’

To Toyuaf:

,, How ?’’

[Touyaf]:

,, Send me your address ‘’

Your eyes widened when you saw what he wrote, too scared to open the message he sent you. Of course you wanted to meet him, but so fast ? And at this time ?

Was that really smart ?

Well, it doesn’t matter if it’s smart or not, you ended up sending him your address, last name and running around in the middle of the night and cleaning your apartment anyway. You found yourself smiling the whole time while hysterically cleaning around. You didn’t know if he is living near or far, yet there was so much to do. It was very visible that you weren’t expecting any guests.

Luckily for you, it took him some time to arrive, giving you a chance to clear everything nicely and throw your clothes that were laying around into the closet.

The moment you heard the doorbell you got nervous like a little teenage girl that was about to go on her first date and the moment you opened the door, you were more than sure that you made the right decision when you sent him your address.

Was is possible that someone could be that handsome ? At one point you thought that he was just photogenic when you scrolled his Insta feed, you thought maybe he knew his angles. But damn, the dude standing in front of you was someone you would spread your legs for without thinking twice.

,,Hey, nice to finally meet you’’ he said, giving you a small hug which you definitely didn’t expect. ,, You look even prettier than on photos’’ he added, smiling at you.

,, You think? Thank you. You too’’ you said awkwardly. Usually you are much more confident, and you don’t have problem with communication, but the fact that this handsome dude you barely know, is in your apartment, made your legs shake.

,, I mean, you are really handsome’’ you added fast, trying to break that creepiness in your voice, giving yourself a mental facepalm once you realized that he was holding back his laugh. You almost looked like fucking Bella from Twilight. Was that necessary ?

,, What do you want to drink? Tea ? Coffee? Orange juice ? Wine ?’’ you asked, preparing the glass. He probably noticed how nervous you are and that made you even more nervous. Everything that could go wrong, is going wrong right now.

,, Well, I’m really up for some wine’’ Touya said as he sat comfortably on your couch.

THANKS GOD. You weren’t sure if you would be able to survive being in the same room with him while drinking a fucking chamomile tea.

,, You can’t beat this level? This one ?You can’t be for real’’ he laughed, as you placed two glasses and one bottle of wine on the table.

,, Are you dissing my gaming skills ?’’ you laughed, pouring the wine in the glass while he was playing the game like it was nothing.

,, Ah please, how many times did you paly it ?’’ you whined loudly, as he played almost perfectly.

,, Oh thanks God, you are a smoker, I was already stressing myself out if I’ll have to go out for every cigarette’’ Touya said once he saw you lit a cigarette.

After your second glass of wine, all the nervousness was gone. The two of you were having pretty much a fun time playing the game and drinking together.

,, What are you doing ???’’ he asked, almost screaming once you died in the game, without getting to the checkpoint.

,, MY BEST, I’M DOING MY BEST’’ You screamed back, throwing the controller to his direction, one again feeling defeated.

After that night, Touya started visiting you more often, and every night he would visit you, the two of you would drown a bottle of wine. You didn’t expect him to be such a cool person actually. In your opinion he did look like someone who’s full of himself.

Also, when you told Nejire that you met the dude from Among us, she immediately started lecturing you about how he could have killed you, totally ignoring the fact that you were standing in front of her alive and more healthy than you ever were.

,, Anyway, they have one appointment free today ‘’ Nejire said, as the two of you walked down the street, going to your usual café.

,, What are you talking about ?’’ you asked confused.

,, About escape room you stupid bitch’’ she said, hitting your arm lightly like she was talking about it clearly before.

,, Nejire, if the two of us go, one hour won’t be enough for us to get out of it’’ you pointed, knowing very well that neither of you is capable of figuring anything out on your own, especially not some scary ass escape room.

,, Ye, but I can ask Mirio to come, and you can ask the Dabi dude’’ she said, rising her eyebrows at you. Well that wasn’t a really bad idea actually.

Both Mirio and Dabi agreed, and while sipping on your coffee the two of you reserved the room. It was pretty much unplanned, and you had around 2 hours until your appointment, but you were really glad it worked out.

,, Girl, you should see my little sister today, girlie is only 3 years old, and she already flirts better than you and me together’’ Nejire giggled, as you gave her one questioning look.

,, She met some boy at playground today. You should see the looks they were giving each other. They even started talking in their baby language, discussing something’’ she said, making you laugh as you imagined her baby sister hitting on some other kid. You were never a person that could deal with kids, but her sister was really special.

Once the Mirio arrived, Nejire got all quiet, which almost made you laugh out loud, since she’s nothing like that usually. She did tell you before, that the two of them hooked up after one of the birthday parties you attended, but you almost forget about that.

,, What can I get you?’’ the waiter asked Mirio, as you and Nejire talked excitedly about escaperoom.

,, One Matte Lacchiato’’ Mirio said, trying to follow what you were talking about, while the waiter was looking at him confused, not sure if he’s joking or not.

,, You mean Latte macchiato ??’’ Nejire asked, trying to hold her laugh. The moment the waiter left, none of you had to hold it back anymore.

,, Dude, Matte Lacchiato ? Really?’’ you laughed loudly.

,, Fuck off, I’m not a coffee person’’ Mirio snapped, his face all red from embarrassment.

,, One Paccuccino please’’ you joked, making Mirio roll his eyes.

,, One Sepresso please’’ Nejire laughed loudly , while Mirio was mumbling something under his breath, hating the both of you in the moment.

,,By the way, I don’t like this thing, tastes like nothing’’ he said, as giving it to Nejire to try it out.

,, Out of 1 to 10, how many points would you give to this Matte Lacchiato?’’ Nejire asked, giggling, giving him a sign that she’ll never forget the silly mistake he said.

,,2 points. One for having balls to sell it, and another one because I’m such a good hearted person’’ he said, pushing the drink to the side.

The moment you saw Touya enter the café, you started waving around with your hands, helping him find you.

,, What took you so long ?’’ you asked, as he took a seat next to you. He looked good as usual, wearing oversized purple shirt, and black pants with nike airforce.

,, I was in the middle of a jog when you texted me’’ he said putting his both hands in the air, feeling attakced.

,, Oh that sounds fun’’ you joked, as you rolled your cigarette.

,, Yeah? I’ll call you next time to come with’’ he said, also rolling a cigarette, while giving you a side look.

,, Not that fun’’ you laughed.

,, dude, the last time we jogged together, she had to call a taxi to bring her back home’’ Mirio said, making Touya laugh.

,, Trueeee, I had to pour water all over her face when we were jogging together’’ Nejire added, remembering the accident that happened back in the days.

,,Oh shut up, I had to put your fucking legs up hoping you wont collapse’’ you laughed. Sure, both Mirio and Touya were in better shape than you, but Nejire ? Girl was on the same level.

,, And stop it, stop dissing me! I’m a victim of a hate crime right now” you whined loudly, as all of them laughed.

When the time came, all of you made your way to the escaperoom. After you checked in and paid, you and Touya went out to smoke one more cigarette since you had some time before the game starts.

,, So, what will you do after this ?’’ Touya asked, placing his arm around you as you puffed on your cigarette.

,, I don’t have any plans yet, why ? Wanna come over ?’’ you asked, mentally holding your shit together once he said that he’ll gladly come.

He was too close, wayyyy too close. You could even smell his fucking perfume.

Once the game started all of you were more than lost, having hard time finding the clues. You were in some basement looking room with tons of books. Touya and you found the first clue, some numbers written on the small closet as a code for opening the box that Mirio found.

Mirio found the second code, that led you to the box with the key that was opening the door.

,, Oh my god guys, there are number on the closet’’ Nejire screamed loudly, making all of you laugh.

,, Sweetie we passed that part long time ago.’’ Mirio said pinching her cheek. You were pretty sure that she was a bit lost, because Mirio was giving her way too much attention.

The next room was even darker than the first one, full of some weird family photos, crosses and blood. All of you were trying to work together, you agreed to use the Woky toky only when needed, yet the person who held it didn’t really give a shit about your agreement.

,, We need help’’ Mirio said, while the rest of you whined loudly since it was probably the third time he’s using it by now.

,, Dude, do you like the worker here ?’’ you asked him, as you took the photo of the wall.

,, No, why?’’ he asked you back, almost confused.

,, Because you are constantly talking to him. I swear you didn’t even talk to your ex that much ‘’ you said, making Touya laugh a bit.

The game continued with all of you in a rush to figure things out. One clue led to another one, and you opened some small room, where someone had to go inside to pull some weird looking rope.

Luckily for all of you, Mirio volunteered. The moment he pulled the rope down, some weird as cockroaches fall down on him, making him get out of the small room faster then he got in there.

,, Fucking shit, I didn’t sign for this’’ he whined, sighing in relief once he realized that those cockroaches are plastic one.

,, I swear, if that shit fell onto me, I would smash the red button without thinking twice’’ Nejire said in disgust.

,, This game is hard as fuck’’ you sighed, as you held some weird box with some knifes in your hand.

,, Wanna know what else is hard ?’’ Touya said quietly, making your eyes widen in shock.

,, Excuse me?’’ you couldn’t believe what he was asking you, here in front of your friends.

,, This cross. Oh my god, didn’t expect you to be that dirty minded doll’’ Touya laughed loudly, making you blush. In your Defense, he sounded like he was talking about his dick. He definitely didSl.

At the end, the 4 of you made it out of the room few minutes before the game ended. The moment you opened the door, you found the worker that explained the game and led you to the room standing in front of the very same door. Probably ready to get you all out.

,, This was so embarrassing ‘’ Nejire laughed as all of you got out of the building.

,, Yeah, imagine if we didn’t figure it out, what would he tell us ? Sorry but yall have to die now’’ Mirio said.

,, Well, maybe if you used the time we had for figuring everything out, instead of talking with the dude over the Wokytoky, MAYBE we would do better’’ you laughed, as Mirio told you to fuck off.

After Mirio and Nejire left, you and Touya made your way to your apartment, still talking and laughing about the whole game.

The two of you played among us, teaming up against some randoms on a whole new level. He was sitting way too close to you, like there was no place on the couch at all. Of course, you didn’t mind that, but you would lie if you said that you could focus on the game fully.

,, You are so cute’’ Touya pointed when you killed someone in front of him, not even hiding the fact that you are teaming.

He was complimenting you and being touchy with you more then usual.

,, So, are you really into daddy kink?’’ you asked, as you remembered the first time you played together.

,,Maybe ‘’ Touya smirked, focused on the game.

,, Naughty naughtyyy’’ you laughed, killing some other crewmate.

Once you had enough of the game, the two of you ended up just chit chatting about some stupid things, still in the same position as you were in before. The only difference was that Touya was slowly caressing your skin.

,, You wanna sleep over ?’’ you asked, once you realized that it was getting really late.

,, Well, definitely not if I have to crash on this couch’’ he said, making you giggle quietly.

,, Ah, you know I wouldn’t let you sleep here.’’ You mumbled quietly, avoiding eye contact with him.

,, Awhh, is my little doll implying that I can share her bed with her ?’’ Dabi teased. His arm was wrapped around you, rubbing small circles on your right hip gently.

,, Maybe ?’’ you said, trying to focus on anything else than his hand playing around.

,, Anyway, doll, I want to ask you something’’ he muttered, stopping his movements suddenly. You changing your position to have a better look of him, was your answer to go on.

,, Do play a lot with other people online?’’ he asked. You blinked slowly, not sure if that’s really a question he wanted to spit out. It seemed like it would be something more important.

,, Uh, I’m usually playing with Nejire. Why ?’’ you replied, confusion written all over your face. At your surprise, Dabi wrapped his arms around you, forcing you onto his lap like you were a small and weightless playtoy.

,, You know, I don’t like sharing what’s mine. ‘’ he expressed, placing his both hands on your tights, moving them up and down slowly.

,, Yours ?’’ you weren’t sure what was going on, and you definitely didn’t expect that silly question to go this way.

,, Doll, you’ve been mine the moment you sent me your address. What I meant was, you’ve met me so easily, I sure hope you ain’t like that with everyone on the internet.’’ His voice was somehow even more deeper than usual, and maybe it’s weird, but the position you were in was lowkey turning you on.

Maybe the fact that his behavior changed so fast, maybe the fact that he wanted you all for himself .

,, Honesty, I never share my personal information online, since you never know who’s hiding on the other side, but there was something about you. I just wanted to stay in contact with you’’ you responded, playing with your fingers like a lost child.

Instead of replying, he placed his hands on your cheek, pulling you slowly into a kiss, which you accepted gladly. It was the first time you felt such huge attraction for someone, and you were more than happy to give him anything he wants.

Maybe it’s weird to feel such a thing for someone you didn’t know that well, but everyone starts somewhere, right ?

His hands were going up and down your waist, lips never leaving your own. The moment you put your arms up, helping him remove the shirt you were wearing, you felt him smirk into the kiss. Once your shirt was off, he leaned back into the couch, having a better view of you, half naked sitting in his lap.

His right hand was playing with the strap of your bra, and the other one was holding you on his lap firmly. To him, you were the most beautiful little thing that he placed his eyes on, and he was more than grateful that you didn’t freak out because of his small confession.

You couldn’t wait anymore. Bending over, you connected your lips with his own again. His hands moved to your ass, giving it one good squeeze, before he got a firmer grip of you, pushing you up with himself and making his way to your bedroom.

Once he placed you on your bed, he took his shirt of, throwing it somewhere on the floor, as he climbed on top of you. All you could do was close your eyes and moan quietly once you felt his lips on your neck, sucking and biting it gently.

His lips were moving down, from your neck to your chest. From your chest to your stomach, leaving wet love bites on his way down.

Once he got so low, that he was almost between your legs, he unbuttoned your pants slowly, pulling your panties just a little bit down to leave kisses down there.

After few kisses, he gave you a sign to push your hips up a bit, and you did so. The moment you did it, Touya pulled your pants, together with your underwear down, leaving you in nothing else than your bra.

,, Take of your bra’’ he commanded, as he got lost between your legs. You wanted to do it, you really did, but once you felt his tongue on your pussy, you weren’t capable to even think straight, yet to remove your bra.

He was sucking and biting your clit, like no one ever before, making you throw your head back into your pillow as you enjoyed what he was giving you. You cradled your hands into his hair, as you felt thousand things at the same time. You’ve never desired someone so much, and the fact that the person you desired like no one else in your whole life was between your legs eating you out, was driving you crazy on a whole new level.

Dabi felt the same, it was the very first time he felt pleasure while he ate someone out, he was craving you like a mad man.

His tongue was doing wonders to you, and the moment you felt his finger slowly enter you, you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to get control over yourself.

,, Gotta loosen up my doll a little bit’’ he mumbled, savoring your pussy. The way he ate you out was getting sloppier and sloppier. Once he added another finger, your grip on is hair got stronger, giving him a sign that it hurts a bit.

,, Baby, how will you take my dick if you ain’t capable of taking ony two fingers ?’’ he looked up, smirking at you. Once you gave him a weak nod, he started moving his fingers in and out of you, slowly, giving you time to adjust.

Once he heard you moan, he started moving his fingers a little faster, as he started to rub your clit with his other hand.

,,Oh god’’ you moaned loudly, as pleasure took all over your body. Your orgasm hit you pretty unexpectedly, making you hide your face with your hands in embarrassment. You never came so quickly.

He definitely knows what’s he doing. None of your ex boyfriends made you cum so fast. All they did was simply missionary sex, with no talk at all. Few humps and done.

,, Open your mouth’’ Touya commanded, not giving you a chance to understand what was going on and why he wanted you to open your mouth for him. You felt two wet and sticky fingers rub your lips. You couldn’t even open your mouth fully, as he already shoved his two fingers in it.

,, Suck’’ grabbing your hands with his own and pushing them down, he had to see you, even tho he knew very well how embarrassed you felt in that moment.

Of course you did as he told you, as he held your chin, forcing you to look right at him as you cleaned his fingers that just pleasured you.

,, Such a good girl’’ Touya said, caressing your cheek gently, before he pulled his fingers out of your mouth, trying to free his throbbing dick out of the pants.

,, Didn’t I tell you to take your bra off ?’’ he asked, smirk forming on his lips. ,, Oh, so you don’t like to follow daddys orders ?’’ he added, climbing on top of you.

,, I ..’’ you didn’t even know what you wanted to say, you honestly forgot that you even had your bra on. Instead of saying anything, Touya only laughed, flipping you on your stomach, as he unclipped your bra in one movement.

,, I really wanted to be gentle with you, but if you are not capable in following small orders what will happen later with the big ones?’’ he asked, kissing the back of your neck slowly. You weren’t sure what to say, for you, that wasn’t a big deal, and honestly you didn’t know much about daddy kink.

,, Sorry daddy’’ you said, closing your eyes. It felt weird to call him daddy, but now that you knew that he likes it, you did it anyway.

,, Sorry doesn’t help doll. Daddy has to fuck you into obedience’’ he said, pulling the lower part of your body up. He took a good look of you, before he started rubbing the tip of his dick around your core. The view of you, with your ass up made his dick twitch, and he couldn’t wait anymore.

He shoved his dick into you with one move, forcing your body to move away from him out of the reflex. But Touya wasn’t buying that, grabbing a fistful of your hair and yanking you back.

,, You good?’’ He asked. You could hear concern in his voice, and you found it really cute how he suddenly changed.

,, Yes, that was hot ‘’ you said embarrassed, glad he was not facing you.

,, Good, because I ain’t stopping’’ with that, he started rocking his hips into you, as he pulled your head back, hand still holding your hair keeping you in the place he wanted you to be in.

So much about the concern.

,, So fucking tight’’ he groaned, as he fucked fast and hard into you, making your bed crack with every move. You found yourself moaning louder then before, it felt like he was forcing every moan out of you with every snap of his hips against your own.

The moment you felt his fingers on your clit, your walls squeezed around him. Once again embarrassed that you are so close, so fast.

,, Oh nah, you ain’t gonna cum yet’’ he whispered in your ear, leaving your clit and grabbing your hips with his both hands.

,, Ehhh pleaseeee, please daddy’’ you moaned, pushing the embarrassment away.

,, Baby, If you cum now, I’ll make sure you cum at least two more times before I finish you want it or not’’ he said, stopping his movements. Usually, when you had sex you were lucky if you could orgasm even once, since the guys only thought about themselves. You weren’t really sure if you could do it for him. You weren’t sure if you were capable to do it at all.

,, I’ll take that as yes’’ Touya laughed, moving his hips suddenly, his hand back on your clit and rubbing it so fast that he literally forced the orgasm he stopped few moments ago.

You moaned loudly, losing the power in your body. If Touya wasn’t holding you, you would definitely just fall down. He moved his hips slowly, making sure your orgasm lasts long enough for you to see the stars.

Once he was sure you are done, he flipped you over onto your back, spreading your legs with his hands, as he gave you one passionate kiss. You were too focused on the kiss, not realizing that he entered you again, only to realized it once he started moving again.

He was fucking you like there was no tomorrow, not breaking the kiss at all. You could feel his dick hitting your cervix with every move. You found yourself wrapping your arms around him, trying to find some comfort while he fucked the light out of you.

,, Come on baby, cum for your daddy’’ he groaned, enjoying how tightly your walls were squeezing him in that moment.

,, I can’t, oh my god, I really can’t ‘’ you whined, digging your nails into his skin, as he once again started playing with your clit. You felt both pain and pleasure while played with it, forcing the third orgasm out of you.

,, Of course you can, look at you, such a good girl’’ This time he didn’t slow down, letting you enjoy it, instead he was fucking you even harder and faster then before, making the orgasm that hit you almost painful, but yet still good and pleasurable.

With every move he did, you dag your nails deeper into the flesh of his back, moaning loudly not giving a single fuck if your neighbors could hear you or not.

,, One more baby’’ Touya groaned, hitting your g spot all over again. ,, Only one more baby, you can do it ‘’ he added as he rocked his hips against yours. You were so fucking sensitive, that you literally felt every vein of his dick rubbing against your walls. Maybe you were imagining, but it felt like you could literally feel the shape of his whole dick inside you, every inch of it.

He was fucking you in a reckless pace, once again rubbing your clit, while telling you how you’re such a good girl for him and how you’re gonna milk his cock so nicely. Once Touya felt that he was close, once he realized that he won’t last much longer, he started rubbing your clit with more pressure, forcing himself even more into you then before.

,, Come on baby, cum all over my cock’’ he groaned, as you moaned loudly. The moment he forced your last orgasm out of you, he groaned loudly as he was chasing his own high, painting your walls white with his seed.

The moment he came, he slowed down, still not stopping his movements completely. Fucking his seed deep into you. Because of the fact that you came fucking four times, and that he shoot loads and loads of his own seed into you, you were almost sure that you were already leaking on your bed.

,, Are you okay?’’ Touya asked, placing soft kissed on your neck, while his dick was still inside of you. ,, Did I go too far ?’’ he added, once he realized that you aren’t answering.

,, Oh god no, this was amazing’’ you whispered, tilting your head to the side. Touya kissed you, not being able to hold his smile at all. After the kiss, he wore his boxers and made his way to your bedroom, only to come back moments later with a warm towel.

After he cleaned you up, he helped you wear your panties, giving you his shirt instead of your own, before the two of you fall asleep in each others arms.

In that moment, you felt grateful for existence of that silly game where you met this handsome stranger. Who would have thought that Amongus can be a better match maker than Tinder.

You sure didn’t.

#smut #dabi fanfic #dabi headcanons #dabi smut #dabi todoroki #dabi x oc #romance #bnha fanfiction #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #touya smut #dabi x reader #yandere dabi #touya todoroki #mha dabi #bnha dabi #touya x y/n #touya fanfic #dabi imagine

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rosemaidenvixen · 3 years ago

Text

In the Fullness of Time

Chapter 3: Today

Ao3

Merlin laid perfectly still, not even risking cracking an eye open.

Despite appearances, his foe was no fool, and it would not do to treat him as such.

But even so, he’d been feigning sleep for quite some time, a new strategy may be in order. Slowly, he shifted and blinked, making a show of just coming to wakefulness. Turning his head to the side, Merlin caught his captor’s eye “My good fellow, could I trouble you for some water?”

The troll hadn’t moved from the time Merlin had last seen him, and at hearing the wizard’s request a small smile formed on his face.

“No,”

“Surely you wouldn’t allow an old man to die of thirst?”

“Bah-boo-rah say to watch, so AAARRRGGHH watch,”

It took a great deal of effort to keep the frustration from showing on his face. Normally he wouldn’t bother trying to negotiate, but in this case not only were his still healing wounds waylaying him more than he cared to admit, the brute had been given explicit instructions to sit on him if Merlin tried to move from his prone position on the couch.

“Come now I’m hardly going to get up and run in the few seconds you look away,”

“No,”

“Still--”

Without warning a glass tumbler full of water was placed on the table just inches away from Merlin’s nose.

“Here you are my good Wizard,” the smaller, talkative troll stepped around the couch to stand beside his companion “One cup of water as requested,”

Merlin stared evenly first at the water, then the pair “....I suppose I should thank you,”

Blinkous grinned at him “Think nothing of it, I’m more than happy to fetch you anything you might need while you are on your mandated rest,”

The troll didn’t even bother trying not to sound smug as he said it.

Merlin was done bargaining “Be that as it may, I have been alive for thousands of years and am more than capable of judging--”

“Oh Barbara! I do believe our patient is due for another check up,”

Immediately light footsteps started pattering down the stairs “What’s this now?”

“Your patient,” the troll glanced at Merlin with two of his eyes “Believes he is well enough to get up and start walking around,”

The flame haired physician stepped around the couch into Merlin’s view, frown firmly etched into her face “You most certainly are not, getting a hole punched into your abdomen means a mandated two weeks of taking it easy,”

“But surely--”

“That means no buts except for yours on the couch resting,”

Merlin sighed and settled back onto the couch. Hopefully Hisirdoux and his companions would be back soon. His apprentice may be a bit green around the edges, but it would be nice to be in the company of another Wizard. One who understood that--

The front door creaked as it swung open.

“We’re back, and we have a huge problem,”

Curious, Merlin turned his head towards the sound. It was the Trollhunter’s voice, but something was off.

“Actually I’d say this is more of a little--”

“Domzalski if you finish that sentence you won’t live to see morning,”

“Geez Steve lighten up,”

It wasn’t just the Trollhunter, all of their voices sounded higher and sharper.

He turned to rise off the couch, only to grunt as he ran into a massive stone arm hovering above him, the troll it was attached to not even looking at him.

Merlin glowered and reluctantly sank back down.

Barbara turned to look at the newcomers, eyes going wide behind her spectacles “Oh my-- what happened?”

“That’s what we’d like to find out,”

The group walked around to the other side of the couch, allowing Merlin to see them for the first time, raising an eyebrow as he did.

“You all went out to subdue a Warlock, so how is it you managed to get yourselves turned into children?”

Hisirdoux gave him a sheepish grin “We had the Warlock cornered, but then they released all of their stolen magic at once, next thing we know, this,” he gestured at all of them “Any ideas?”

“Not really no,”

“Question,” the Akiridion boy spoke up “Are you always aggressively unhelpful or just with us?”

Merlin narrowed his eyes, no respect for master Wizards these days “Based on the extremely limited information you’ve given me, the cause of your condition could literally be anything, now if you give me a few more details I might be able to narrow it down,”

“The Warlock tried blasting us with fire, but we were able to corner him, then he started chanting, I don’t remember what, and then he burst into a ball of white light. Douxie put a shield around him and I tried to funnel some of it away through a portal, but it was too much. He exploded and then…” the shadow witch trailed off.

Finally some relevant information.

“Based on what you’ve told me it sounds like that Warlock was supplementing themselves with Phoenix feathers, some rest and some Aves tonic should clear that right up,”

All the de-aged hunters wilted in relief at the knowledge that their condition was not permanent “Ok, so where do we get some of that?” the Trollhunter’s red-headed friend spoke up.

“Oh I don’t have any,” Merlin leveled his gaze at the massive troll “How could I have been brewing tonics when I’ve been stuck here on the couch for days,”

AAARRRGGHH narrowed his eyes at him.

Hisirdoux pulled out his phone “I’ll give Archie a call, he should be able to get us the ingredients so I can brew it myself,”

The physician stepped towards them, giddy smile on her face and her own phone clasped in both hands “Ok I have to get pictures of you guys while you’re like this,”

They all groaned and made noises of half hearted protest. Except for Hisirdoux. Hisirdoux yanked his sleeves down to cover his wrists, face turning chalky “I-- uh….”

His response did not go unnoticed. The physician glanced down, mouth falling open when she spotted the scars, and immediately slipped her phone back into her pocket, concerned expression mirrored by the two trolls.

“Unless you don’t want to, I won’t take your pictures if you don’t want me to,”

“It’s ummm…” Hisirdoux glanced around, the other fighters turned children sharing his look of unease “I…..”

In an instant Merlin knew what was going on. Hisirdoux had no issue with being photographed in this state, rather he didn’t want his scars captured in an image for all time. And Hisirdoux had already shared this, along with the origins of his scars, with his fellow hunters. And while he didn’t mind the doctor and trolls knowing, he found the idea of retelling the story so soon daunting.

Taking advantage of the diversion, Merlin swung his legs off the couch and pushed himself upright, grimacing as the movement tugged on his half healed wounds, and cleared his throat to gain their attention.

Everyone turned towards him, the large troll glaring when he saw that Merlin had shifted from his prone position to sitting upright.

“I can answer that question,” he glanced towards Hisirdoux “Do you wish for me to give the short explanation or the complete one?”

Hisirdoux looked like he could have melted with relief “Yeah you can...you can just go ahead and tell them the whole story,”

He started shuffling towards the basement, efforts to be discreet hampered by his reduced size “I’ll just be in the basement...getting started on that tonic,”

The young Trollhunter shared a look with his two friends, who exchanged swift nods with him “We’ll go help,”

“We will?”

The blonde boy kicked the Akiridion in the ankle.

“Flishgag what was that for!?”

“Yes we will, we’re all going to brew potions in the basement and leave the grown ups alone,”

Black eyes widening in understanding, he turned and followed the other Hunters turned children down into the basement “Fine, but kick me again and I’m sending you to the moon,”

The last of them filled downstairs, shutting the door behind them. Leaving the human, Wizard, and two trolls alone.

All eyes in the room were on Merlin now.

“As you undoubtedly saw, Hisirdoux has scars on his wrists that he prefers to keep discreet. As for the injuries that lead to them….” Merlin had to make an effort to keep the rancor out of his voice. This story was not a pleasant one, and even a near millenia later the memories left a bitter taste in his mouth “Those happened well over nine hundred years ago….”

#tales of arcadia #toawizards #in the fullness of time #rmvwrites #merlin #aaarrrgghh!!!#blinkous galadrigal #Barbara Lake #hisirdoux casperan #jim lake jr #claire nuñez #krel tarron #steve palchuk #toby domzalski

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oldfashionedmoth · 4 years ago

Text

Fred and George do QVC

Find me on AO3

It was a bright, sunny, Saturday afternoon, and Harry Potter was stuck inside folding laundry. He stared longingly at the window, wishing he was anywhere but here. Lately, he had been feeling listless and filled with ennui. His life at the Dursley’s was considerably less exciting than his life at school. Albeit, he didn’t have a crazed, nose-less, master wizard, trying to murder him here; but even that might have been an improvement, to the boredom he had felt all summer. He glanced across the room at his Aunt Petunia, who lounged on the sofa, half asleep. He wondered if she’d notice if he escaped outside, for a breath of fresh air. Uncle Vernon had just left, with Dudley and his friends, to see a professional football match. This was one of the numerous birthday surprises his aunt and uncle had lavished their son with. Harry would have liked to had gone too, but he was told “the laundry wasn’t going to fold itself.”

“If I were allowed to use magic outside of school, the laundry certainly *would* fold itself.” Harry thought bitterly.

The TV chattered away in the background.

“…and just so we’re clear, these are dishwasher safe?”

“Yes, that’s right, Antonella. The Scrub Daddy is absolutely dishwasher safe.”

“And remember, you’re getting 12 of these! Order code 63528, when you call in.”

“Yes, and just quickly…because I know we are running out of time… I wanted to show you that the design for these is not just a smiley face. These are fully functional. Put your two fingers in the eye holes like so, and it stays on your fingers. That’s going to be fantastic for getting inside of mugs, cups, you name it.”

“Wow! that’s ingenious!”

The presenter turned and addressed the camera directly, holding the item for sale.

“Look! Here is what you’re getting, guys. And this packaging! Ah! This custom packaging is exclusive to QVC, guys. And, all this could be yours, for 4 easy payments of $7.49. Amazing!”

The camera zoomed in, on the presenter’s face.

“Coming up, we have a couple of young entrepreneurs, showing us their latest confections. I’m sure we all know someone with a sweet tooth. Just wait till you see what these boys have in store for us today. But first, make sure you get your orders in for the Scrub Daddy. These things are selling like hot cakes!”

The shot cut to a pre-recorded infomercial, for Scrub Daddy sponges.

“Hmmph!” Aunt Petunia snorted “I should order some of those for you, so you’ll stop ruining my pots!”

Harry muttered under his breath “Well, if you fixed the dishwasher, instead of using me as your personal slave, I wouldn’t have to scrub the pots.”

“What was that?!” snapped Aunt Petunia, “You ungrateful little brat! After all your uncle and I have done for you; taking you in, like we did, after your parents…well…You should be ecstatic that I even offered to buy you anything!”

In a huff, she snatched the remote control off the coffee table and turned up the volume.

Harry put the folded laundry in the basket and stood to bring them upstairs.

“Up next, we have twins Fred and George Weasley, of Weasley Wizard Wheezes, here with us today. Welcome boys!”

Harry froze, gobsmacked. Much to his disbelief, there was his best friend’s older brothers, peddling their wares on QVC. One was wearing an evening tailcoat, which was neon orange with lime green polka dots. His trousers were also neon orange, but with a lime green tuxedo stripe running down each leg. The other twin was wearing the same tailcoat and tuxedo trousers, but in inverse colors to his brother. In contrast to the loudness of their jackets, both boys were wearing black cravats around their necks, giving them a ‘Victorian Regency on acid’ kind of look.

“Thanks for having us, Antonella. We’re happy to be here!” said one of the twins

“Remind us to buy a pack of those Scrub Daddies, before we leave.” said the other, “Our Dad would get such a kick out of them. Sponges with smiley faces. What a concept! Haha!”

His brother leaned into him, and theatrically whispered “We don’t need them ourselves. We can just use Malfoy’s head.” He held up two fingers in a sideways peace sign, and pretended to poke his brother in both eyes. “His hair is great at soaking up grease.”

The twins snickered together, as the presenter, unperturbed, carried on with the sales pitch.

“Fred and George have brought with them some of their Skiving Snackbox candies. Now, judging by the names of some of these, I think these would be perfect as a novelty get-well present, for someone in your life who’s been feeling a little under the weather. There’s something for every ailment. We’ve got ‘fever fudge’, ‘fainting fancies’, ‘nosebleed nougat’ and last but not least, ‘puking pastilles.’ Hehe! Now, what made you boys come up with this concept, for these sweets?”

“Well,” said Fred, “they’re not exactly for someone who’s already sick."

"That could result in some disastrous side effects.” quipped George

Fred turned to the camera and added “Always read the labels, kids!”

George continued, “They make you temporarily ill, if for example, you wanted the day off work. You pop in a fainting fancy. Bob’s your uncle-Fanny’s your Aunt, suddenly your GP has prescribed you a day of bed rest.”

“Oh, but totally 100% all muggle, I mean natural. 100% all natural.” Fred interjected

“Yes, definitely nothing magical about these candies at all.” George agreed, with a sheepish grin.

“Oh, I get it!” exclaimed the host, “That’s just like the Natural Herbal Detox Tea, we had on the show last month. This may be TMI, but I swear I was on the toilet for a week, after that segment! Hehehe!”

Fred laughed and said, “Now would be a good time for me to tell one of my poop jokes.”

George replied “Nah, they always stink!”

“Hey-oh!” they cried, while high-fiving each other.

“You know what you needed?” Fred asked the host, “The Skiving Snackbox’s companion product, ‘You-No-Poo’. Guaranteed to cause crippling constipation in less than 3 minutes!”

“The constipation sensation, that’s gripping the nation!” exclaimed George

“Well, being conscious of time, lets move right along.” Antonella said, “Our viewers at home are probably wondering ‘but how do they taste?’ Let’s find out, shall we?”

She popped a candy into her mouth, and immediately started retching.

“NOOO!” the twins shouted in unison.

“You’re not supposed to eat the whole thing at once!” lamented Fred

“You’re only supposed eat half!” followed George

“The antidote is in the second half.” continued Fred

The poor unsuspecting host began urging in a rhythmic way, “Blech...Blech...Blech...Blech...”

“Oh no!” wailed George “I think she’s stuck in vom-limbo.”

“Both sides of the sweet must be working against each other!” added Fred

“It’s simultaneously trying to make her be sick, and also keeping any sick from coming up.” George concurred.

Panic-stricken, Fred started rifling through his rugsack. He began removing items and throwing them behind him. A roll of parchment; a quill; various bottles and vials; a bowler hat; a cup of tea, complete with saucer; a set of fireworks, which exploded upon impact with the floor; a broom; a Yorkshire pudding; a literal kitchen sink...

Between urges, Antonella asked “How...blech...did...blech...you...blech...fit...blech...all...blech...that...blech...in...blech...there?”

“Never mind that now! Here, eat this!” bellowed Fred, shoving the found antidote in the host’s mouth.

Finally, the retching stopped, but with it came a lengthy spew of vomit across the set, with such ferocity it rivaled Linda Blair in the exorcist. The show quickly switched to camera angle “B” to avoid broadcasting Antonella’s lost lunch to the viewers.

“I think it’s best we...uhh...take a little break,” the presenter said shakily, wiping tears and vomit from her face. “ugh... Up next we have Ken Oschipok with his beautifully iridescent Ammolite and White Zircon silver rings...ahh...oh...just a second, my producer is telling me something...”

She touched her finger to her ear, turned away from the camera and hissed into her mic “What do you mean you can’t find the rings? A Platypus? Are…are you sure it was a platypus? How did a platypus get in here, and why would it steal our merchandise?”

Fred and George exchanged worried glances.

The presenter looked back to camera, with a wide grin plastered on her face, “Sorry guys, we are just having a little bit of...umm...technical difficulties. We’ll be right back wi...OH!”

Suddenly a red envelope swooped down out of nowhere, flicked Antonella across the nose and stopped abruptly in front of the twins. A loud but shrill voice echoed throughout the studio.

"FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY! OF ALL THE COCKAMAMIE STUNTS YOU’VE EVER PULLED — MUGGLE TV? YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU! IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I RECEIVED A CALL FROM RITA SKEETER, ASKING FOR A QUOTE FROM THE DELINQUENTS’ MOTHER — I NEVER — IN ALL MY DAYS — YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK ~ AGAIN! AS IF THE MINISTRY HASN’T BEEN FACING ENOUGH BACKLASH, AFTER THAT NIFFLER GETTING LOOSE, NOW THIS? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU TWO COME HOME THIS INSTANT!!!"

Once the assault on everyone’s ears subsided, the presenter unsteadily staggered out of shot, with her hand on her forehead, murmuring “I think I need a nap, or a drink, or both”

The screen cut to another pre-recorded infomercial; a cheerful rock jingle began to play.

You wanna skip class, but not look like an ass? If you want an excuse; What have you got to lose? You better show some moxie, Grab a Skiving Snack Box-y From Weasley- Wizard - Wheezes!

Harry stood slack jawed, in the living room, transfixed by what had just played out on the tv in front of him. Clean laundry scattered around his feet, from where he’d dropped the basket.

“Bloody Hell! Those crazy troll bogeys!” He thought with a grin. A shocked guffaw escaped his throat.

Aunt Petunia gave him a scandalized glare and shrieked “I suppose you have something to do with this?”

Harry scooped all the laundry into his arms and dashed upstairs before she could chastise him any further. Although, he imagined any tongue-lashing Aunt Petunia could give him, would pale in comparison to the dressing down the twins were probably getting, from Molly Weasley, right now. She is one fierce boss-witch.

“Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Burrow, right now” Harry said to himself, with a chuckle. “I can’t wait to hear the details from Ron!”

#Harry Potter #fred & george weasley #skiving snack box #weasley wizard wheezes #qvc

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bush-viper-cutie · 4 years ago

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“Shrieking Shack Ghosts” || YEAR 3 – Ch.28 (HP au)

Chapter List

<-- Last Chapter Next Chapter -->

Day posted: 10/16/2020

Word count: 3, 207

Relationship: EVENTUAL severus X oc (slow burn)

Rating: E for everyone

Warnings: none

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A/N: This is my first fan fic I’m writing mainly as a way to practice. This is a retelling of the hp books with an inserted character. Although most every character will be written about, this is mostly for the pro snape fandom. Please do not fear, although this is a severus x oc story, it is an incredibly slow burn as I do not intend for them to get together at all until after the final book events. Chapters will be posted twice a week.

This derivative work follows the events of the Harry Potter books by Jk Rowling and is intended as a fun way to practice my writing. Thank you for reading :D

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“Oh, of course you don’t look suspicious at all.” Heather crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot as Harry and Ron came down the stairs towards her. “Who would ever suspect you, carrying your school bag on a Saturday morning?”

Harry moved his bag to rest behind him instead of to his side. He crossed his arms back at her. “I’m just going to do some studying in the library after Ron leaves.” He looked around at the empty corridor but there was no need, everyone was at breakfast already, eager to get the day started.

She rolled her eyes. “We’ll both ‘go study’ today.”

They sat down with everyone and ate, trying to look somewhere between sad and bored and not at all excited to get down to Hogsmeade. They were careful not to look down the table at Hermione, who had told Harry last night she’d tell on him and get the map confiscated if she thought they were leaving the castle. Ron left, winking at them and saying ‘See you soon’, leaving them to finish eating their food slowly, looking miserable, as everyone else got up to leave and line up for Hogsmeade.

Hermione walked up to them, pushing against the river of students and sat down next to Harry, pushing her frizzy hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry. I really am but you must understand… It’s for your own good.”

“It’s ok. We’re just going to be studying in the library, I guess. Get some homework done so we have more free time.” Harry looked absolutely pitiful as he moved his breakfast around with his fork.

“Alright… I’m sorry.” Hermione got up and hugged Heather before running out the great hall.

The only people left were the second and first years, and a couple of teachers who hadn’t finished breakfast yet. They calmly got up and walked out, making sure to head up the entrance hall stairs before waving down to Ron and Hermione who both waved up at them with very different looks.

They hurried up to the third floor and opened up the one eyed witch. While Harry shoved his bag inside Heather opened up the map and scanned the halls. A tiny set of footprints were heading their way.

“Harry!” she hissed. “Neville’s coming!”

“How close?”

“Harry! Heather!” Neville had spotted them around the corner.

Harry quickly closed the witch’s hump and stepped back. They stood against the opposite wall as far back from the witch as possible to avoid suspicion.

“Neville. You aren’t going to Hogsmeade?” Heather slipped Harry the map and he stuffed it in his pocket. “Oh, I forgot.”

Neville stopped right next to them. “It’s part of my punishment. Hey what are you two doing? We could play exploding snap together! I’ve gotten good… kind of.”

Heather and Harry looked at each other.

Harry nodded. “Oh, that’d be great… But I have that vampire essay to do for Lupin. We’ll be in the library…”

Neville’s eyes brightened. “Oh, could I join? I haven’t done it either – ”

“N-no… oh Harry, remember we did it last night?” Heather put her hand on Neville’s shoulder. “Sorry we can’t work on it together.”

“You could help me with it then!”

It was clear Neville was desperate for company. They must be the only three people in their year not down in Hogsmeade right now. Maybe they could bring him along? Although it’d be hard to hide under the cloak with him… he was a bit larger than Ron and it was hard enough with just the two of them.

“Er – ” Harry was about to respond when Neville gasped and stepped all the way in front of them, looking over their shoulders.

They turned around and saw Professor Snape walked up to them with arms crossed and narrowed eyes.

“And what… are you three doing here?” His eyes slid from Neville to Heather and stayed on Harry. “An odd place to meet up with friends, isn’t it? – Potter.”

Heather watched Professor Snape’s eyes flick to either side of them, to the closed classroom doors, and then to the one-eyed witch a few feet away. He narrowed his eyes at it and raised a single black brow, looking back at them. He looked as suspicious as Hermione had during breakfast, the same doubtful kind of suspicion.

“We didn’t mean to meet up here we just – ” Harry looked at Heather, “…happened to.”

“Really.” Professor Snape drummed his fingers on his elbow and took a few more seconds to cast them wary eyes. “It’s often your habit to turn up in places you aren’t supposed to be in – especially – places you shouldn’t be in.” He looked from Harry to Heather and she looked down. “I suggest the three of you find somewhere else to be, like your common rooms. I believe I should have assigned enough essays to keep you busy this weekend?”

They nodded and turned on their heels, heading away. Harry turned to look back at him as they rounded a corner but Heather pulled him forward. They walked all the way up to Gryffindor Tower when Heather stopped and pulled Harry to a halt.

“Harry, will you drop me off at my common room?”

Neville was holding the portrait open.

“Oh – er – yeah. It’s on the way to the library and… I forgot I left the essay there last night. See you, Neville.”

“I’ll get my textbook down,” he said and went inside.

“I feel bad for lying to him. Can’t we – ”

“No.” Harry pulled her away and took out the map as he went down the stairs. Once they were away from the security trolls guarding the portrait he pulled it up to his nose and squinted at the tiny words. “Passage is clear. Snape’s on the second floor. Why’s he always just walking around?”

They headed down the stairs to the third floor again, examining the map one last time for anyone nearby.

“His office now. And – ” Harry continued. “He examined the statue. D’you think he knows about it?”

Heather opened the witch’s hump and waited for him to clear the map and put it away. “No, or he would have found your bag.” She pushed it aside and walked in, careful not to slip and fall down the incline. She lit her wand the second the statue closed behind her, before they could be cast in total darkness.

The passage walls looked rough where the light hit as they walked, their steps echoing slightly. It was an odd kind of quiet inside, like the whole world was suddenly muffled. Outside the tunnel, walking around even the quietest of passageways, distant talking or laughter or even birds singing and cawing outside could be heard. Inside the tunnel, it was like silence was the permanent state of things and the thought of talking felt rude and disrespectful to the darkness up ahead.

They walked for several minutes before the eeriness set in, and her mind wandered to places it shouldn’t. The same kind of fear that they weren’t alone in the tunnel, and that Sirius Black would be waiting for them some feet ahead crept in more powerfully than the first time they walked through the tunnel. She was leading the way and hesitating with each step she took, holding her wand out as far as she could, willing the light to reach farther ahead.

“D’you think Ron and Hermione will ever be friends again?” she asked, attempting to distract her mind and calm her racing heart as they walked.

“Why would he examine the statue? He must think something.”

She couldn’t believe he was still stuck on Professor Snape. “Harry. He isn’t an idiot you know. All Slytherins know he can smell out trouble a floor away and you’re always getting in the middle of things that get us into trouble. I’m pretty sure I’d be top of his class if he didn’t hold a grudge against me because of you.”

“But I haven’t done anything this year.”

“You’re doing something right now.”

“WE’RE doing something.”

She decided not to respond. They reached the end of the tunnel eventually and, under the invisibility cloak, they emerged out of Honeydukes and looked around for Ron, spotting him sitting on a bench across the street, eating candy.

They walked up to him and Heather kicked his foot lightly. “Here. Finally.”

“What took you so long!” Ron frowned and got up, stuffing his candy back in his pockets. “It’s been an hour.”

They set off down the street walking next to Ron as he tried his best not to look like he was talking to himself.

“Snape was hanging around the statue.”

“Harry thinks it’s weird Professor Snape was suspicious of us.”

“He was suspicious of the statue.”

“If he knew about it he would have told Dumbledore.” Ron tried to keep most of his mouth shut as he talked. “Or he would have hidden in the tunnel waiting to catch you. It would’ve made his day – or life – depending on how many detentions that gets you.”

“Or he’s caught Fred and George around there too.” Heather wondered how Fred and George managed their mischief with him around. She never saw them in the same room together, apart from breakfast and dinner. Maybe they purposefully stay as far away from him as possible… with the map that would have been easy, just taking opposite stairs or walking down different passageways.

“In here,” Ron said out of the corner of his mouth, stopping right outside the Owl Post.

He pretended to look at cards to send to his brother Bill in Egypt while her and Harry looked around. The Owl post was a small looking shop two levels high, except it had only one floor. Walking in, there was a front desk and hundreds of different letter-related things in organized clear drawers all around the first level walls. Then, up high above their heads were hundreds of owls hooting and looking down at them, twisting their heads in curiosity.

Heather had the feeling they could see them under the cloak, but none came down to inspect them, not even when Heather tempted fate and held her arm up under the cloak to see if one would land on it. Harry pinched her and she tried not to yelp, quickly putting her arm back down.

“Where are you?” Ron muttered.

They pulled on his sweater and they left.

“Zonko’s next.”

They followed Ron into the shop and found it incredibly hard to remain hidden surrounded by so many students and children packed all around looking at products. Heather hated it inside, being reminded of the only time they’d been in a toy store with Dudley and his greedy hands touching every toy he could reach. Back then she’d been taller than both Harry and Dudley and was forced to reach up and grab things for him. The fact she nor Harry were allowed to touch anything made the experience much worse.

Harry, however, happily gave Ron coins to buy several jokes and tricks. He stuffed his pockets with Dungbombs, Hiccup Sweets, Frog Spawn Soap, and Nose-Biting Teacup apiece.

“I hope you aren’t planning on using those.”

“Who are you? Hermione?” Ron said bitterly.

What little Hagrid’s talk did for Ron yesterday had been quickly erased by Hermione’s threat and he was back to hating her. The wind threatened to blow the cloak off them and they decided it’d be best to get away from the town. It was a nice day aside from the cold and Ron thought it would be less scary to visit the Shrieking Shack.

“I tried going up here last time with – well you know who – but the snow made it hard to look at properly. I thought there was someone on the lawn but it was just a snowflake stuck to my eyelash.”

For it supposedly being the most haunted dwelling in all of Britain, it didn’t look so scary. It looked like it was swaying in the wind, ready to topple onto itself any second. The paint was a dark cream color and the roof a light grey. The windows were all boarded up and the door had several chains on it. There were surprisingly no visible holes or missing boards but it still looked like it was falling apart. It looked lonely and sad, not scary.

“Creepy,” Harry said.

“What’s supposed to be so scary about it?”

Ron leaned on the fence and swallowed. “No one can get into it – Fred and George tried of course – but it’s sealed shut. But everyone in town swears at one point or another, they’ve heard terrifying sounds coming from inside. I asked some of the ghosts about it and they say they avoid it and warn students to avoid it too.”

It was the only house on the hill and hidden safely behind a forest of short and thin grey trees with almost black looking leaves all dried but still hanging onto their branches. Whatever noises the town heard must come from something incredibly loud to travel all the way down passed the woods.

“It’s getting hot under here.” Harry reached for the bottom of the cloak when he stopped.

Heather heard Draco before seeing him climb over the hill, walking the dirt path between the tree lines towards them.

“ – remind me about the owl I’ll be getting from my Father. I’m sure the hearings going well. He’s telling them I couldn’t use my arm for three whole months.”

Crabbe and Goyle sniggered behind them, a little more winded than him from climbing.

“Imagine that big hairy moron trying to defend that stupid bird. ‘He won’ ‘arm anyone, honest. He’s innocent, he is – ‘ can you imagine?” He shook his head and spotted Ron suddenly. His smile turned into a wicked grin and his quick steps slowed and smoothed. “Ah, Weasley. House hunting, are you? Bit of a dream house for you though, isn’t it?”

Ron’s face went red as he scowled. “Leave me alone Malfoy.”

“I supposed it’d be a big step up. Maybe with this one, your family won’t have to all sleep in the same room. And you won’t be sleeping in a cupboard – oh wait, that the Potters, isn’t it?” Draco laughed and looked at Crabbe and Goyle happily as they laughed too.

Heather felt her own cheeks go red at the mention of their old room situation. Ron took a step forward but Harry pulled on the back of his shirt.

“I’ll take care of him,” Harry hissed into Ron’s red ear.

“No!” Heather tried protesting but there wasn’t much she could do unless she wanted Harry to walk away, cloak and all.

Heather followed Harry around behind Crabbe and Goyle and crouched down with him as he picked up mud.

“Don’t,” she tried again but he didn’t listen.

“We were just talking about that oaf friend of yours. Well, you know him best. D’you think he’ll cry at the mention of that hippogriff getting its head – ”

Harry quickly stuck his muddy hand out from under the cloak and flung as hard as he could, hitting the back of Draco’s head, covering his silver-blonde hair with thick brown muck.

Draco whipped around, looking angrily behind them. “What was that!” His anger melted into confusion when his frantic eyes spotted no one.

Harry and Heather had crept back around to stand to their far left. Harry picked up a moss covered stick and flung it, hitting Crabbe wetly on his neck.

“Argh!” Crabe started punching the air, taking quick steps towards them with every punch he gave.

“I think you made the house mad, Malfoy.” Ron leaned against the fence, pointing a thumb towards the swaying shack.

Draco finished rubbing the mud off him when he seized Ron’s sweater. “You’re doing this!”

SPLAT.

“It’s got me!” Goyle wiped green-ish mud off his uniform.

Draco swirled around, looking at Goyle and Crabbe hitting and kicking at the air. Heather was crouching down, covering her mouth with her hands trying not to burst out laughing. Harry was standing above her, ready to throw a stick when one of Crabbe’s kicks caught a bit of the cloak and pulled it down.

Harry quickly caught it at his neck and pulled it back up but Draco had already spotted him, pointing and screaming at where Harry’s head had appeared and then disappeared. Crabbe and Goyle hadn’t seen but ran back down the hill as soon as Draco yelled. Draco ran after them, looking somewhere between angry and scared.

Ron pointed down the hill. “You guys better run! He’s probably on his way to tell on you! Get to the castle fast – ”

“See you!” Harry yelled and pulled Heather up by her arms.

She had been frozen with dread the second Draco had pointed in their direction and screamed. As they ran down the path to Hogsmeade, she couldn’t help but picture him bursting through the doors screaming at the top of his lungs that he’d ‘just seen Potter in Hogsmeade!’ at everyone.

They got down to the town and the first thing she spotted was the apothecary sign swaying in the wind across from the Three Broomsticks.

“Wait!” She ducked out from under and ran in.

If she was going to get in trouble for going into Hogsmeade, then she had to make it at least worth it. She slammed the list down on the counter and huffed at the old man staring at her red and sweaty face. He took it without a word and started putting it all together in a white cloth bag. She could hardly enjoy the experience, thinking about whether anyone would believe Draco. It wasn’t common to have a cloak, and Draco probably thought Harry or any other non-pureblood wouldn’t have one… but Professor Dumbledore knew they did. And she was sure Professor Snape, even if he didn’t know about the cloak, would be highly suspicious of them.

The old man set the bag of ingredients on the counter and waited for her to count up her coins. He gave her a polite nod as she handed them over and picked up her things, running back out of the store. She looked around wildly but found absolutely no hint of where Harry was. Did he leave her?

Just as her panic began to worsen, she felt something push her into the alley between shops and she ducked under the cloak again.

“You’re mad!” Harry hissed. “Let’s go!”

The apothecary hadn’t taken any longer than five minutes max, but it felt like she had doomed them already. She stuffed the bag strings through her skirt belt loops and tied it closed, stuffing the bag up into her sweater and stuffing the sweater end into her skirt, keeping the bag of ingredients tucked inside neatly.

They ran inside Honeydukes, slipped in the back shop door, and down the stairs into the trap door. Heather could only hope, as they ran as fast as they could, wands lit and extended out, that the tunnel was a shorter distance than the path leading up to the school.

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Chapter List

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@lokilover-39

@halcyonrogers

@krazykatkay456

@lady-of-black-roses

@writingmi

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#harry potter #heather potter #pro snape #severus snape x oc #severus snape x reader #severus x oc #severus x reader #snape x oc #snape x reader #snape fanfic #snape fanfiction #snape fan fiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fanfiction

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megamanmodelaaa-fanstories · 6 years ago

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Alpharad’s CPUCS - The Novel, Chapter 1: Welcome New Smash Brothers & Sisters! (Part 1)

7th December 2018, long awaited... has finally arrived!

In a Realm far from our reach, a special event called the “Super Smash Bros Games” opens up every few years where the best come together for a series of duels & competitions to reignite relations & create new ones. This particular one is the 5th in the line of many, marking the 19th Anniversary of these games.

Among those games, a particular set of Tournaments are organized to pit the best of the best against each other for supremacy & bragging rights called the “CPU Championships”, fully sponsored by a one “Alpharad”. No one really remembers why they were labelled with the abbreviation “CPU”, but the name stuck out of respect to those old traditions. The first of the CPU Championships (CPUC for short) is about to begin.

The sun rose to a huge crowd converging to see the first of the CPUCs take place. The streets were packed, some conversing, some running stands or shops, others organizing & watching over the festivities. Sometime later, a familiar voices echoes through the speakers to the masses’ ears… it was Mario!

Mario: “Thank you so much everyone for joining us today! We are-a happy to begin these Championships as we have always done for 19 Years! To begin & for a warm welcome, today’s Challengers will be this season’s Returners &-a New Comers! Let’s-a GO!”

The Coliseum Doors open as everyone rushes in to take their seats. While medieval in design, the Smash Coliseum houses the latest in recreational technology, allowing it to emulate almost any Battle Stage with various Hazards & Features. So it begins, the first ever CPUC of this season pits new comers & returning veterans against each other!

CPU Championship No. 1 Rules & Players:-

-Normal Stages

-FSM Allowed

-No Items

-No Hazards

-Tournament Bracket:

With spectators so excited you could hear them cheer thousands of miles away, Mario strikes the Smash Bell signifying the beginning... of the Tournament!

Match No. 1- Pichu vs. Incineroar

The battle started with both Fighters sizing each other up as they tried to fixate their footing on the moving stage “3D Land”, a very odd start for an opening Match. In reality however, one of the Competitors was a little uneasy about the match-up.

Incineroar: “(Is the audience gonna be OK with me pummeling this little guy?)”

Incineroar did his best to keep things even between him & Pichu to avoid any backlash, especially when you consider that most of this fan base are young passionate fans. All this wasn’t helped by the fact that Pichu was doing sloppily at first, and when he opened with a Headbutt Attack, he missed… nearly throwing himself out-of-bounds.

Pichu: “T-That was close… Sorry Mr. Incineroar!”

Incineroar: “Watch your positioning boy! (I need to handle this fight carefully…)”

Incineroar continues to pull his punches on Pichu, literally staging acts like nearly going out-of-bounds himself by falling behind & missing a Lariat Attack on purpose. But much to his surprise as soon as Pichu started landing a few hits, his momentum kept building up & eventually, he started showing acrobatics that are on par with the likes of Sheikh & Zero Samus! Even Incineroar couldn’t keep up with him!

Pichu wasn’t known to be the most capable Fighter many years ago because he never measured up to all the other competitors. But this time, it was clear to Incineroar & everyone else that this is a new Pichu standing before them!

Incineroar: “Have you been training?”

Pichu: “Y-Yes! Every day since I was invited again.”

Incineroar: “Then show me the new fire in you!”

They clashed without hesitation, sparks of fire & thunder flying with every punch, every kick, every grab, showing a passion for competition that is exactly what followers of these tournaments look for! With full vigor, the two unleash their Final Smash Arts, “Max Malicious Moonsault” & “Volt Tackle”! Incineroar tries to hold Pichu with his bare hands, but then Pichu slips right through sending a flurry of electric charges everywhere! Finally, the burning wrestler flies off the stage unable to recover back. The winner is… PICHU!

Incineroar: “N… Nice one boy. *Wheeze* should’ve known you had it in ya all along...”

Pichu: “S-Sorry Mr. Incineroar… & thank you!”

Match No. 2- Ridley vs. Ice Climbers

Nana: “Uuuh Popo, why does this guy look like the Pterodactyl who keeps stealing our vegetables??”

Popo: “Isn’t he the one people have wanted in these games for years? He looks kinda silly up close, haha!”

That last statement… could not be far from the truth; Ridley isn’t just vicious, but also has a troll like demeanor. The battle started out normally with both sides equally exchanging attacks… until.

Ridley suddenly grabs Popo by the face & drags his body on the ground towards the stage boarder… along with himself?! He then makes a hard stop at the last second, walking away from Popo with a wide grin on his face as if holding back laughter…

Nana: “Are you OK Popo?!”

Popo: “I-I-I’m fine… Come on, let’s get this maniac…!”

The two climbers reform & charge on ahead, but it’s becoming clear that Ridley’s earlier act was enough to throw their well-spoken teamwork out the window. Discoordination, miscommunication, losing track of each other, far too often have have they found them selves on opposite sides away from each other, & Ridley was taking full advantage of these missteps to further crush their focus. Even to the point of taunting the duo mid-fight.

Alas, while they were retreating to retrace & regroup, they’ve failed to notice the pit behind them & fell in together… & Ridley laughed & mocked them the whole way through. The winner is… RIDLEY!

Ridley: “RAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!”

Popo: “He played us… the whole TIME!”

Nana: “Calm down Popo, we’ll get another shot next time…”

Both Climbers leave the ring, with Popo clenching his fist in disgrace…

Match No. 3- King K. Rool vs. Solid Snake

Solid Snake: “A giant crocodile?? Is this karma for all the crocodiles Big Boss ate years ago??”

Otacon: “Careful Snake! He may look like a glutton, but he’s strong & also commands an army powerful enough to occupy an entire Island!”

Solid Snake: “OK then… Bring it on Big Croc!”

King K. Rool: “That’s KROC to you, Onesie Man!!”

Snake’s faster & more nimble, so the Espionage Legend had the towering reptile beat in Close-Quarters-Combat “CQC”. However, K. Rool’s body armour was harder than Snake was anticipating. More shockingly, the armour was also flexible enough to deflect & outsight counter attacks.

Solid Snake: “My attacks haven’t even dented that thing?!”

King K. Rool: “*BELLY SLAP!* Do your worst, stick figure! Hehehee!”

Snake slowly escalates towards using firearms & explosives, but could hardly scratch that armour, let alone launch him out of the ground! The Kroc King also started using his own trusty weapon: An unorthodox single barrel rifle that was throws opponents off with its ability to absorb anything into it. In desperation, Snake calls for his biggest gun.

Solid Snake: “Otacon, engage Covering Fire!!”

FIVE Large Missiles come flying in, all hit their giant green target... But fail to send him out. It was all looking futile as King K. Rool sends the Solider off with a single punch, a feat barely tons of Snake’s own were able to achieve. The winner is… KING K. ROOL!

Solid Snake: “Blast… I’m surprised no one calls you ‘Metal Gear Croc’…”

King K. Rool: “For the last time, it’s KROC!!”

Match No. 4- Wolf vs. Isabelle

Isabelle: “It’s a pleasure to meet you Wolf! Let’s keep it Clean!”

Wolf: “Hmph. They paired me with YOU? This must be a joke, I’ll end this quick.”

The match starts with Wolf dashing towards Isabelle as she….. Takes out a Fishing Rod?? Wolf was left confused, what could she be doing? There aren’t any ponds to fish in on this stage. Shrugging it off, Wolf dashes in to steal the opportunity, only for Isabelle to reel in, grab him then swing to the other side nearly flying outside!

Isabelle: “What do you think of this Rod? Bought it myself from my favorite store!”

Wolf: “You insolent little dog! You’ll pay for this!”

While Wolf continued to charge at the innocent looking Isabelle, she kept on playing with her Fishing Rod throwing him off at every turn. Even when he does see though that trick, she whips out something else unusual as a weapon: A Bug Catching Net, a Stop Sign, even some vegetables! It was becoming very hard to read this fragile-looking, yet versatile Fighter.

Wolf: “BOYS, GET IN HERE NOW & FINISH HEEER!!”

Wolf calls his Star Wolf Team to try & put her down the sights, but even that wasn’t working somehow, always missing at the last possible second.

Wolf: “Why. Won’t. You. FALL?!”

Isabelle: “Now now Wolf, anger isn’t good for your blood pressure. Teehee!”

Wolf was not having any more as he switches to a more aggressive approach to cover some lost ground, letting his claws loose as he flies everywhere around the Innocent Secretary. Then suddenly, Isabelle calls Tom Nook & the Nooklings for a plan of attack. But just as they were about to start, Wolf dodges to the other side for a counterattack... That unfortunately will not happen for as soon as he stops, a Gyroid pops out beneath his feet sending the unsuspecting pilot to the sky!

Wolf: “IMPOSSIBLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!”

The winner is… ISABELLE!

Isabelle: “Wish you a safe landing!”

& just like that, the first half of the CPUC’s first round of matches have concluded! How will the others fair? Who will come out on top? Will anyone else face the consequences of underestimating their opponent? Come back next time for Chapter 1-2!

Thank you for reading & have a good day! 👋🏻😄

#Fan Story #Alpharad CPUCS #Chapter 1

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sorceress-coffee · 6 years ago

Text

Trollhunters Episode 4 Pt. 1

Draal x OC This is based on the first half of episode 4 however, since this is from River’s POV this will be mostly ‘behind the scenes.’ Thank you for reading!

Episode 1

Episode 3 Pt2

Episode 4.2

I watched as Draal stood, growling lowly at Jim. “5 days,” he snarled, “we will fight in the forge.” He turned, huffing through his nose blowing out a cloud of steam. He walked out, head held high, nodding slightly to me as he passed. I tilt my head in recognition, debating on following Draal to ask what happened. As I stepped to follow after him, I was suddenly lifted from the ground and into a group hug with Toby and Jim, Aaarrrgghh had already caught them.

Blinky clapped two of his four hands, grinning up at us, “Excellent, Master Jim! We should start your trying right away if you are to defeat Draal!”

Aaarrrgghh laughed deeply as he walked out of the bar before setting Jim, Toby, and I down again.

Toby punched Jim’s arm, grinning “This is gonna be awesome! Right River? Oh! Hey River, when did you get here?” he asked.

“I walked in during your confrontation. What made you snap?” I asked Jim, frowning.

Jim was scratching the back of his neck sheepishly, “Well, I got in a fight with Steve, and-”

I raised my hand to cut him off, “No, why did you challenge Draal?”

“He was talking shit about his and Jim’s sparring yesterday!” Toby almost yelled, glaring at the memory.

Blinky clasped my shoulder as he guided us to the forge, “Come now masters, we have much training to do!” He took notice of the metal rod in my hand. “River? What do you have there?”

I lift the rod, looking over it confused for a moment, “Oh,” I held it out and tightened my grip slightly, as I did the rod began to glow blue and the lance I had forged with Vendel sprung to life, the veining in the staff giving off a faint sapphire glow. “Vendel and I found a way to channel my magic, he told me to find Jim to practice, but I think I’ll pass for today, he needs to learn troll fighting, not how hard I can bash his skull in.” I teased, lightly whacking Jim on the top of his head with the non-bladed end of the lance.

Jim laughs, smacking the lance away from him. “Those were the drawings you were working on Friday night, right? It looks amazing River!

“No way! I thought your magic was gonna be your cool superhero thing, now you have a weapon too?” Toby asked, pouting slightly.

I shrugged, “Think of it more as a really sharp wand.”

Blinky held his hands out, “May I?” I smile and place the lance in his hands. He tests the weight, swinging it slightly before looking over the sapphire veining closely. “Incredible Lady River! You made the gems for this?”

I nod, reaching into my black satchel and grabbing the extra gem I took, not the one that looks like Draal’s crystalline back. I hand it to Blinky, taking my lance back. “You should see the one in the center of the Heartstone. I went a little overboard.”

Blinky inspects the gem closely before handing it back. “I will once Jim’s training is finished for the day, thank you Lady River.”

I nod then notice Toby’s eyes are locked on the crystal now in my hand, I chuckle before handing it to him. “I thought you could add this to your collection.”

Toby grins taking the crystal, he starts jumping, listing off various gems, trying to place what it could be. Aaarrrgghh taps the stone, smiling “Not normal gem. Magic.” He explains, letting Toby know he won’t be to categorize it.

Jim shakes his head at his best friend’s excitement, “He’s not going to stop talking about this for a while,” he smiles to me before patting my shoulder. “Why don’t you head home River, you’ve been here for two days straight.”

Smiling, I nod, letting the lance collapse again. “I’ll be heading out soon. Is it daylight?”

Blinky shakes his head, “sunset, actually. You’ll want to hurry home before Bular is out running around.”

Nodding, I hug Jim and ruffle Toby’s hair. “I’ll see you later tonight! Bye Blinky! Bye Aaarrrgghh!” I take off running towards the exit for Trollmarket, keeping my eye out for a certain blue Troll. I frown slightly when I don’t see him, but shrug it off. Draal had a fight he probably wasn’t too worried about preparing for, but still, he was probably getting ready.

I climbed up the crystal steps to the canal exit of Trollmarket, playing with the lance as I walked, twisting it around my hand and back, slowly at first, trying to get the motions down. As I went to flip the lance over my hand it hit part of the stone wall and bounced back, hitting me in the head. “Ow…” I quickly grab the side of my head, trying to dull the throbbing. A sudden burst of laughter ahead caught my attention. I look up to see Draal, bent over laughing, at the canal exit.

I huff at him, giving him a mock glare, “Oh, come one! I’ve barely had it an hour! Did you think I’d be doing backflips by now?” I asked, pouting a bit, still rubbing my head.

He straightens up, slowly getting control of his laughter, “You were just doing well, and then you were bested by a wall.” Snickering, “That’s two walls that have it out for you.” He remarked, referring to my destroying a wall in the forge during his and Jim’s spar.

“And here I thought you were supposed to save me when the walls decided to attack.” I snarked back.

He smirked before opening the exit, walking through. “I remember saying not to launch yourself off of walls when I can’t be there to help you, not that I’d protect you if they attacked.”

I followed him through the exit, walking beside him as we head in the direction of my house, laughing. “Well, I kept up part of my deal!”

“Still bested by the wall.” He smirked down at me.

Rolling my eyes, I collapse the lance, slowing my pace. “Well, I don’t have any training yet, of course, the wall is going to win! That’s like me trying to pick a fight with you!”

Draal slows to match my pace, snorting at the thought. “You’re too smart to try that. Even for a fleshbag.” He tilts his head in thought. “You will be training with the troll hunter?”

I shake my head, “Nah, Blinky’s gonna have all four hands full trying to keep Jim in line, I doubt he’d be able to handle us both. Besides, he has to train for whatever fight you agreed to earlier. Fighting me won’t help with that.”

At the mention of the fight, Draal stops short, watching me. “You don’t seem worried.”

“You’re sparring with Jim again, I’m more worried about falling off another wall.” I joke, frowning when I look back to Draal, a serious expression etched on his face.

“This isn’t just a spar River.” He began slowly, “Honor was questioned. I will answer the call.” He began, “This is a fight to the death.”

I could feel the color drain from my face, going cold at Draal’s words. “Death…” He nods, watching my reaction closely. “He doesn’t know that!” I yelled, throwing my hand in the direction of the canal. “He probably thinks this is just another sparring session!”

Draal huffed, “If his teacher has any sense, he will explain the mistake he made.”

“Mistake?! Draal, one of you could die!” I started to panic, scared for both of them. “Please Draal, I understand there are things Jim and I both don’t know yet of your culture, but please reconsider this fight. If either of you…” I trailed off, hands shaking. I did the only thing I could think of to calm down, I rushed forward, hugging Draal tight, hiding my face. “Please, just… consider it. I don’t know if asking this is acceptable for Trolls, but losing my family or my friend…”

Draal had gone stiff when I rushed him, moving into a defensive stance. When he realized I was hugging him, he didn’t know what to do. After a while of silence, he finally reached up to pat my head, “If asked by anyone else, I would take insult, however, I will consider it. Though if he continues to insult, I will not hold back.” He stated.

I nod my head, still hiding against his chest. “Thank you Draal,” I slowly pull back when the shaking in my arms subsides. “Sorry for rushing you…”

He merely pats my head again, continuing our way to my house. “You need a trainer for that weapon, and I need to train, though I doubt it will be much of a fight to train for. I will train you how to wield your weapon properly, starting tomorrow. You’ve been locked in a forge with the old goat for two days straight. Get some rest.” He paused at the back door of the house, nodding to himself.

I yawned, nodding to him. “I will see you tomorrow then. Good night Draal.” I smile and pat his forearm before heading in.

“Goodnight River,” He called, leaving for Trollmarket.

I quickly grab a granola bar, eating as I head up to my room. I kick off my shoes before crawling under the covers, sitting up long enough to grab the gem I made that resembled Draal’s back and setting it on my nightstand before passing out for the night.

The next morning, I woke up early to do my chores, sweeping downstairs and dusting before Jim wakes up. Once I was done, I rushed upstairs to get ready for the day, I changed into black baggy cargo pants, my combat boots, and a dark purple long sleeve. Grabbing my backpack and satchel, I filtered through everything I needed for school and training. I grabbed my collapsed lance and walked out of my room as Jim’s alarm went off.

Jim was dragging his feet as he was walked out, mumbling in Spanish. Grabbing his book bag off the banister he headed straight into the garage. It looks like we were leaving right away. I quickly stuffed the lance in my backpack and took off after Jim.

Toby was already out front with taco truck bags. “I grabbed breakfast and lunch!” He grinned, handing me a breakfast burrito and diablo maximus for later.

Jim yawned, taking his bag, “Thanks Tobes, next time they’re on me.” We ate as we walked to school, having decided to nix the bikes since Toby’s was crushed by Bular’s, and he was too nervous to ride with Jim or me.

“Thank you, Toby!” I grin taking a bite. “Ironic choice since Jim woke up speaking Spanish.”

Toby, “Yeah, we have that comprehension test this week. Speaking of, any tips, teacher’s aide?” he looked up to me hopefully.

I shook my head, “Sorry Toby it’s a comprehension test, you’re speaking the entire time, no scantrons.”

Jim groaned, rubbing his eyes, “Besides, the last time we asked River for help, she would only communicate with us in Spanish for a week Tobes.”

Toby shuddered, “Remind me never to ask for language help again, I had a killer migraine trying to figure out how to ask for toast!”

I laughed as we walked into the school, “I’ll see you two later, trying not to cause trouble.” I headed off to my art class.

After a long day of classes, I was finally in Senor Uhl’s class, listing to Mary stumble over both her Spanish and English. I cringed, between Senor Uhl’s chalk screeching on the blackboard, and Mary’s terrible story about playing two guys.

“Little did anyone know; Maria was juggling two hombres. Manolo was muy guapo, but Joaquin had muchos musculos.” As Mary spoke, I glanced around the room, glaring as I see Steve harassing Jim. “And poor Maria had a pedoso heart.” I flinched hearing Mary, Senor Uhl’s chalk snapped once she said ‘pedoso.’

He quickly turned around, arms held behind his back, “What kind of heart did Maria have, Miss Wang?” He questioned Mary, walking around his desk.

“Um, a heavy heart. ‘Pe-Do-So.’ Or is it-” Mary was beginning to panic.

“I would hope Maria wouldn’t have a pedoso heart, because that would mean ‘gassy’” He interrupted Mary, lecturing her. “Did Maria have a gassy heart, Miss Wang?”

Mary was embarrassed and almost on the verge of tears, “Of course not Senor Uhl!”

“You were trying to say ‘pesado.’ ‘A heavy heart.’” He stated, “And it is with a heavy heart, Miss Wang, to tell you, that you have not shown the slightest comprehension of the basic Spanish.” He grabbed the tissue box, holding it out towards her. “If you can’t even finish the exam, I have no choice but to fail you.”

Mary’s face fell, she grabbed a tissue quickly as she began to cry over her failing grade. I sighed, writing down the grade next to her name on a spreadsheet Senor Uhl gave me to record the student’s grades as he focused on listening to their exam.

As the bell rung everyone got up to leave, I waited for all the students to exit.

“Mr. Lake, I look forward to your presentation tomorrow.” Senor Uhl commented to Jim as he passed by to leave, stretching.

“Yeah,” Jim chuckled nervously, quickly moving to the door, “I’m ready…”

I shook my head, handing the sheet to Senor Uhl before heading out. I found Jim and Toby by the lockers, Jim looking upset. “What happened? You look like you just failed instead of Mary.”

Toby shook his head, “He just got guilt tripped by Claire for missing rehearsal yesterday.”

“She thinks I’m a jerk!” Jim threw his hands up as we started the walk to the canal.

“Two days in and you’re already skipping.” I shook my head. “How was training last night?”

Toby sighed, “Before or after the gnome stole the amulet?”

Jim groaned, “That’s right, we need one of them gems you made, Blinky said it would help with getting the gnome.”

I nodded, “There’s a few stored in the Heartstone chambers by Vendel’s study, Blinky can grab whichever one he needs.” I pull out a horngazel that Vendel gave me. Opening the entrance and walking through

Jim frowned slightly, “You’re not going to hang out with us? I thought Vendel was giving you a break to train with the lance?” he asked, following me in with Toby.

I smile and nodded, heading down the stone steps, “He is, but you need to train for your fight with Draal, someone offered to teach me how to properly wield the lance.” I state, leaving out the part that I was training with Draal, not sure how happy Jim would be about it.

Toby looked at me confused, “Can’t be Vendel, I don’t think he’s that spry.”

I shook my head, waving them off as the met with Blinky and Aaarrrgghh, “I’ll see you later, good luck with the gnome!” I called, running off to find Draal.

I scoured Trollmarket for almost an hour, asking other Trolls if they had seen Draal, most of which just snorted at me and kept on with whatever they were doing before. I sighed, walking through a part of the market dedicated to different types of Troll cuisine, wondering if Draal had to leave for something important. As I made my way through the stalls, I was suddenly hit by something large and wall like from behind. My feet were swept off the floor as whatever ran into me decided to grab me. I quickly grabbed my lance, angling it so the staff would ram into whatever grabbed me as I activated it. As calculated, once I activated the lance, the staff quickly shot back and I was launched out of the grip, landing on my feet about 8 feet forward. Swinging the lance into a defensive position as I turned, ready to face whatever attacked me, and I was met with laughter.

Draal had been my surprise attacker. Though he was laughing, I didn’t sense that he was mocking me. “What the hell Draal? What if I had stabbed you instead?” I asked, pissed at being caught off guard.

Draal clasped his hand, his laughter had died out, but he was grinning. “You weren’t aiming for anything vital, so it wouldn’t have done much harm. I’m impressed at your quick reflexes though. Good to know you’ve got some fight in you too.”

I groaned, realizing why I wasn’t able to find him, and what the other Trolls were looking at me like I was crazy when I had asked for Draal. “You were following me the entire time.”

Draal nods, placing a hand on my back to guide me as we walked. “Since you entered Trollmarket with the Trollhunter and the other fleshbag.”

“Toby,” I remarked, noticing how depending on who Draal was referring to, ‘fleshbag’ either sounded endearing, usually towards me, or annoyed, Toby and Jim.

Draal snort, “Right, To-bee.” He drawled out on purpose, smirking down at me. “We’ll be training in the caverns since you haven’t told the Trollhunter I was training you, I figured the forge wouldn’t be available.” He stated a slight irritation in his tone.

I sighed, “Sorry, he knows we get along, but with the outburst in the bar, and your fight coming up, I don’t know how he’d react.”

Draal hummed, leading me into the caverns, large dark caves only illuminated by the glowing gems embedded in the walls. “You are worried he will disapprove.”

I snort a laugh, “Hell no, I just don’t want to psych him out.”

Draal smirked at my answer, seeming to be in a better mood. We stopped in a large cave, a little smaller than the forge. It was well lit compared to some of the other caves we had traversed through. Draal motioned for me to face him, pulling out a training staff. “Mimic my movements.” He started out by holding the staff in both hands parallel to the ground at arm’s length. As I took the position and copied his stance, he swung the staff down to the side, then pulled it up over his head, standing on one foot.

I mimicked Draal for a few hours, the movements became fluid, more stances were varied. Soon he was instructing me on lunging techniques and blocking. Around midnight we were sparring fluidly. As Draal curled into his ‘boulder stance’ as I began to call it, he set off to ram into me. I quickly dug the end of the lance into the ground as Draal was a few feet away, closing in fast, and I vaulted myself over him, swinging the lance around to whack his side with the staff end, landing behind him.

Draal landed on his feet and grabbed his side where I had hit, then cheered turning to me, “Well done River! Similar to your evasion of my surprise attack earlier.” He nodded to himself, going over the maneuver again.

I dropped to sit on the floor, chest heaving, covered in sweat. “Thanks, Draal. You’re a really good trainer, I’m surprised how far I’ve gotten.”

Draal smirked and sat next to me, “You need a break. We’ve been training since the sun was up.”

I grin, flopping back on the ground, looking up at him. “Thank Deya! I’m exhausted!” My stomach growled and I groaned.

Draal barked a laugh, “Looks like you’ll need to move or your stomach will keep screaming.” He poked my stomach as it growled again. I yelped whacking his hand away quickly. Draal frown, “You can’t be injured, you never sustained a blow to that side of your torso.”

I huff, hugging over my stomach before he could decide to prod and look for injuries, “I’m not hurt, that just tickled.”

“Tickled? What is tickled?” Draal had a look of utter confusion etched over his face.

I tilt my head to face him, trying to explain what tickling is, “Well, being ticklish means that when you’re touched certain ways, it sets of nerves and you get this feeling under your skin, your skin jumps, but in a really weird way it's not a bad feeling. People’s reactions vary though. Some people laugh uncontrollably, others kick and punch, trying to get away from the tickling.”

Draal’s face was etched in morbid curiosity as he looked from his fingers to my stomach again. “Why do fleshbags have such weaknesses?” He begins to poke at my leg when he doesn’t get a reaction, he pokes my arm. When I fail to react again, he starts poking at my sides that weren’t covered by my arms.

I screech, laughing. Quickly trying to wiggle away from Draal as he continued to poke at my sides. Squirming, tears flowing down my cheeks, and gasping for air, I grapple his arm with my arms and legs, hanging off of it like a sloth. “STOP!”

Draal laughs at my tactic, lifting his arm so I’m dangling in the air. “How is this helping you?”

“Well you stopped, didn’t you?” I stuck my tongue out at him indignantly.

“Careful, you don’t want to lose that.” He smirked as I squeaked, quickly pulling my tongue back.

“Are you threatening to rip or cut my tongue out?” I ask in mock disdain.

He hums in thought, tilting his head slightly, “Possibly…” He suddenly shakes the arm I’m hanging from with a smirk.

I yelp at the sudden movement and let go, landing on his lap, glaring up at him. “How dare you, sir! I was hanging on that!” I gesture to his arm dramatically.

Draal shook his head and stood as my stomach growled again, picking me up off his lap so I was sitting in the crook of his arm. “Let’s get you some food.” He began to head out of the caverns.

Holding my collapsed lance close, I squirm in his hold, not used to being carried. “Um Draal, I can walk.”

He glanced down at me but made no move to set me down. “You trained well past your limit today. I doubt you’d be able to walk far,” he reasoned. We quickly made it back into Trollmarket, stopping at a stall that had food that was safe for humans to eat. Draal handed the food to me, walking through the market. “Eat this, it might taste like rocks.”

I took the food and began eating quickly, tilting my head at the taste, “not rocks, but nothing I’ve tasted before.” I spoke up. I pulled my phone out to check the time, groaning. “I have to get home, it’s 3am, and I have school tomorrow… well, today.”

Draal nods and heads out of Trollmarket to that canal. “Why do you attend this school, surely you are learning well under Vendel.”

“If I had a choice in the matter, I would love to run off to Trollmarket and focus on magic studies, but as I grew up human, well, we are forced to attend learning institutions until we are 18 years old, and if we don’t, we can get into trouble.”

“Bushigal!” He sneered, “Fleshbags and their idiotic rules.”

I shrugged, “Yup, and with mom being a doctor, well, she’s all about getting an education. I don’t think she’d be okay with me dropping to study magic any time soon.”

Draal hummed, “It is best she remains unaware, the fewer humans know, the better.” Climbing over the fence and into the backyard, Draal finally sets me down. “You said you could leave at 18 years of age, how old are you currently?”

“17, I’ll be 18 soon though. I’ve been thinking, Vendel said I would begin to age like a troll, would that mean I wouldn’t be able to stay around humans for long?” I asked Draal.

He hummed, thinking for a moment, “It depends on how long it takes for the fleshbags to notice you aren’t changing as fast. Worried? It's not like you won’t have anywhere to go.”

I looked up at him confused, “Where am I supposed to go? I can’t exactly afford to move around to different cities or states.”

Draal rolled his eyes at my question, “Trollmarket. You’re a sorceress, not a human, you’d be welcomed and respected in Trollmarket. Why do you think the Trolls leave you alone yet go out of their way to mess with the other fleshbags?”

“Because Toby can be loud and invasive and Jim is the first human Trollhunter,” I state with a blank look.

Draal shook his head, “You are more Troll-like, than you are human. You were recognized and taken in by the leader of Trollmarket, you study the arcane under him. The most fearsome warrior in Trollmarket took you under his wing to train you in weaponry,” he smirked, boasting, “and you’ve forged your own weapon in the short amount of time you have been coming to Trollmarket. I’m surprised you haven’t moved there yet.”

I laughed at his boasting, grinning up at him, “Thanks Draal, maybe once I can get away with dropping school, I’ll take you up on that.” I paused, yawning. “I’ll see you tomorrow for training my most fearsome warrior.” I tease hugging him, lifting my head slightly under his chin before heading inside, “Goodnight, Draal.”

If I had stayed a moment longer, I would have noticed that Draal had gone stone still at the gesture, once I had shut the door behind me, his jaw dropped, staring at the door, a hand rose under his chin where my head had been. Draal had to remind himself that I still didn’t know much about Trollish culture and that I most likely had no idea what I had just done.

#Trollhunters #Draal #DraalxOC #River Marie Lake #River Lake #JamesLakeJr #Blinky #Aaarrrgghh #TobyDomzalski #vendel #Fanfiction #original character #ClaireNunez

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fajority · 7 years ago

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Five times Caleb expressed physical affection exclusively through his cat, and one time he didn’t

I wrote another thing! This is, by the way, @fraeuleinjuhu‘s new Critical Role sideblog, so anyone who wants to follow me here, hop on board.

Thank you @hippity-hoppity-brigade for being the best & nicest beta I could have hoped for <3

1- It takes Caleb a while to realize what Molly's problem is. In his defense, he does have a few of his own problems that take up about 90% of his capacity at any given time, and while their group has gotten almost uncomfortably close, Caleb has tried his best to stay on its outskirts.

He only notices Molly getting increasingly sharp and snappish with them at first, countering Beau's jibes with more and more cruel retorts, until Yasha takes him aside for what he assumes must be a more or less stern talking-to.

Caleb watches Molly slink around the bar they've wound up in this time, getting steadily drunker and louder. He sits down on the chair next to Yasha for a minute, placing his feet in her lap and tipping the chair back on its back legs dramatically.

Yasha gives him a few absent pats on the legs and then gently removes them from her thighs, and Caleb can practically feel Molly's mood drop.

Ah.

Of course: the circus seemed like a pretty affectionate bunch, even if they didn't always like each other. Their little motley crew is different, warier. More distant, at least physically.

Molly is touch starved and he has no tools to work with it. This place doesn't have a brothel. There are no strangers around that seem susceptible to his particular brand of charm.

Caleb's first idea is to message Jester to give Molly a good long hug, but when he turns to look for her, she's nowhere to be seen. Fjord is missing as well, so Caleb decides against investigating further just in case.

Molly has slumped on a barstool, elbows on the bar, his face in his hands. There's a grin on his face still, but it's holding on by a thread.

Caleb snaps his fingers, and Frumpkin jumps up onto his knees from under the table as if he's always been there, just out of sight.

He makes his way to Molly slowly, cradling Frumpkin to his chest. His decision is made, but that doesn't have to mean he likes it.

"Mollymauk," he greets and gets into the chair next to him. Molly gives him a grunt and an indecipherable stare.

Oddly enough, Caleb has found that he doesn't mind the red eyes at all: He's not very fond of pupils and irises anyway. He finds it much easier to maintain eye contact if he can't see the eyes fixating on him back.

"You look down today," Caleb starts, wavering. "I'd offer you a hug but I'm afraid I don't really, uh, do that kind of thing." Molly raises an eyebrow.

"I'd figured, or I probably would've tried to drape myself over you at some point this evening."

It has all the components of a confession, but it doesn’t sound like one: too annoyed, almost angry.

Caleb shakes off the image of Molly coming up behind his chair, leaning into his space, hands on his chest in a loose sort of hug. A sharp toothed grin pressed to his cheek. It sounds nice in theory, but in practice it will just feel like being crowded, short of breath and panicky and too much weight on him all at once, Caleb knows this.

"But Frumpkin does. I can lend him to you whenever you - uhm - crave - uh - physical contact, if you'd like."

He holds out a hand, and Frumpkin scales his shoulder and walks along his arm towards Molly.

Molly stares at him some more, or at Frumpkin, precariously perching on Caleb's hand. It's hard to say.

"Okay," he says finally. "Sure. Thank you."

He holds out his own arm, and Caleb grips it firmly, making a bridge for Frumpkin to cross, and then he's a purring scarf around Molly's neck, and Molly squeezes Caleb's hand once, very briefly, before he starts scritching Frumpkin behind the ears, mindful of his claws.

Caleb feels himself relaxing a fraction, and he pulls back his hand. That went well, he thinks.

"You can keep him until morning, if you want," he offers before he's even finished the thought. Molly looks at him again, and this time Caleb thinks he can see surprise in his expression.

"You don't need him?"

"I do, but he's always with me, no matter where he is location-wise." Caleb taps his head.

A grin very slowly unfurls on Molly's face. "Are you telling me you are feeling this?" He reaches up with his other hand to scritch under Frumpkin's chin, and Caleb gets an incredibly weird double feeling tugging him in two directions at once.

He tries for a middle ground, which is neutral honesty. "It's - not directly. I get the secondary impressions, if that makes sense."

Molly hums, thoughtful. "What are those?"

Caleb hates every second of this but he started this conversation to make Molly feel better, so he better see it through. He sighs.

"He feels… comfortable. Loved."

Frumpkin jumps down into Molly's lap and rolls up into a ball, still purring loudly.

Molly hums again, one hand settling on the cat. "I'd kill to have that," he says, sounding half serious. "Okay, I'd love to hold onto him until morning, but only if you don't spy on me."

"What would I even -" Caleb clamps his mouth shut on a memory, too late.

"You remember that I sleep naked," Molly grins.

"Vividly," Caleb confirms, and hightails it out of the conversation.

2- It happens while they're fighting a group of trolls attacking their camp at night: Beau is, as always, the first to get into the melée, jumping up and onto one of them and delivering a series of kicks and hits against its jaw - until it gets a handful of her and flings her against the nearest tree. She stays slumped against the trunk for a couple of seconds, enough for everyone to see her but not enough to reach her: Jester is occupied healing Yasha, her duplicate trying its best to get the troll to attack it instead of going after Beau again, and none of the others have healing spells or potions left. It's been a long day.

Caleb fires spells left and right, and out of the corner of his eye sees Beau move to sit up ever so slowly.

She's going to get back up and get herself killed for good, he thinks, and snaps his fingers. Maybe he can't reach her in time, but Frumpkin will.

And sure enough, Frumpkin goes from thin air to pointedly curling up in Beau's lap, nuzzling into her hands as she automatically reaches down to him.

Between two spells, he sees her shoot him a look that doesn't quite say fuck you, but it's a near thing. He motions for her to stay put. "We've got this, don't get yourself in trouble for no reason!"

She looks like she's considering to yell back a few choice words, but decides against it. Her whole body is shaking with the sheer effort of staying upright. She doesn't stop petting Frumpkin.

Caleb feels a wave of affection for her that is and isn't his own. He casts Haste on Nott, who brings down the troll that attacked Beau with three clean shots. He flashes her a proud smile and runs over to Beau, as if he could even shield her from any damage. As if she can't handle herself better than he will ever be able to.

It doesn't matter. He's out of spells, no use for anyone. He might as well get out of harm's way.

He sits down next to her, and she pointedly doesn't turn to look at him, although maybe that's her spine acting up. She did hit that tree pretty hard.

"I don't need you to protect me," she says.

Kiri could knock you out right now, he doesn't say. "I'm not protecting you," he says instead, holding out his hands, palms facing outward. "I'm tapped. If anything, you're protecting me."

Beau starts laughing and then very quickly stops again on a choked outbreath. "Thanks for that, Caleb," she says. It falls flat, like almost everything she says, but he thinks she might actually mean it this time.

They sit together and watch the last troll fall as Molly cuts its tendons and Fjord slashes its throat once it's down.

Beau's breathing rattles in her chest like an old woman's. It's all Caleb can do to wait until Yasha comes running and casts her Healing Hands.

"Thank you," he says in Celestial, sung on a sigh.

She gives him a confused look. "I am healing her, not you. Why are we speaking Celestial?"

"She never says thank you. I wanted you to hear it, but I didn't want to make her feel bad about it."

"Thanks, Yasha", Beau says, exhausted. The rattling sound has stopped, but she's still shaking ever so slightly. "That sounded nice. I hope you weren't talking shit about me."

Yasha gives him a pointed look, and Caleb gets up and offers Beau a hand. "Sorry about that. Do you want us to stop?"

Beau takes his hand. Frumpkin jumps onto her shoulder as she slowly gets up, spine popping. She leans her cheek into him, and Caleb feels a shadow of his cat satisfaction. He hides a smile about her conflicted expression.

"I mean, I don't appreciate being talked about, but it does sound really fucking nice."

"I thanked her for healing you, because you were looking that awful," Caleb volunteers.

Yasha flashes him a discreet thumbs-up.

"You're welcome," she says, and repeats it in Common, too.

"Fuck you too," Beau says, and ironically, it's like insults are the only thing she can make sound affectionate. Frumpkin butts his head up against her chin and purrs loudly.

3- When Caleb wakes up, screams still ringing in his ears and the heavy memory of smoke in his lungs, Nott's weight on his chest is just this side of suffocating, and he pries her off with shaking hands. She makes a small sound, turning her head in his direction, and he snaps Frumpkin into existence as quietly as he can.

The cat stretches out next to her, almost as long as she is when she is balled up like this. She settles her arms around Frumpkin as Caleb backs away into a corner of the room, choking on memories both real and made up.

Nott slings her arms around Frumpkin in her sleep, and this time Caleb doesn't feel the suffocation of it, just the quiet reassurance. He calms down in increments.

Forgetting nightmares is hard when you have a photographic memory, but Nott's steady breathing helps. When he strains his ears, he can hear the faintest purring.

I don't deserve any of this he thinks, and as he does, Frumpkin lets out a pitiful mewl, and Nott opens her eyes, glowing yellow in the dark.

Caleb doesn't try to hide anything like he would from anyone else. He just sits there and breathes through it, wheezing until he's panting until he's huffing until he's as quiet as he'll get.

Nott is watching him, and then she very deliberately reaches out a hand and starts petting Frumpkin.

The effect is immediate: Just like that, Caleb knows he's safe. More than that: he's worthy of it, too, just this once. He shrugs off the nightmare like a heavy coat and instantly feels exhausted, ready to fall asleep.

And then Nott’s small voice fills the quiet, and for once, she doesn’t sound skittish or hysterical, just sure.

“I know you think that your brokenness is the only redeeming factor about you, that breaking was the only indicator in all this that you're a good person - and I won't try to change your mind about it, although I think you're wrong - but even if that were the case, that still doesn't have to make it a bad thing if you let yourself heal. It's not a betrayal to your parents if you get better. If you let yourself be a good person in the time it takes to learn what you have to learn, it won't mean you disrespect their memory. I hope you know that.”

In the dark, in the privacy of their room, with nothing but Nott’s and Frumpkin’s glowing eyes watching him, he can almost believe it.

"Thank you," he tells Nott, and gets back under the covers. She blinks once, a cat smile, like he taught her. Frumpkin blinks back.

4- The next time Yasha leaves, Caleb sends Frumpkin to go with her.

She tries to hand him back over. "I don't know how long I'll be gone," she says.

"Take him anyway." Caleb bends down to Frumpkin to give him instructions. "Go with her until she tells you to leave. Then come back to us."

Frumpkin scales Yasha's leg, and she scoops him up. He climbs her arm and knits himself around her shoulders, and Yasha reaches out a hand to pet him, automatic.

"Don't spy on me", she says, and Caleb promises. "Friends, remember?" he says in Celestial.

"I'll hold him to it. Kick him in the shins at regular intervals so he can never be off guard here," Beau adds, and Caleb nods.

She nods back at him slowly, and turns away. They watch her leave, her huge form and the bright orange scarf getting smaller ever so slowly.

He feels intermittent bursts of warmth throughout the next days, and only thinks of checking in briefly, not only because Beau is holding up her end of the bargain and kicks him in the shins in the most unexpected moments.

Somehow, he doesn't want to lie to Yasha. Even if when he set out to gain her trust he did so because she is scary and strong and it's always good to have someone intimidating on your side. Something about the word friends keeps him from betraying her trust.

He's getting a signature feeling from each member of the Mighty Nein now, almost, he ponders. He can usually tell who snagged Frumpkin without looking: Nott feels calm and safe, Molly feels like a smile. Beau feels affectionate. Yasha just feels warm.

On the fifth day, Caleb feels small and unprotected and off the way he sometimes does; it takes him an embarrassingly long time to link it to the absence of the faint bursts of reassurance he so quickly got used to.

"Do you think Yasha's okay?" he asks Beau at dinner.

She stares at him for a couple of seconds, the way she does when he addresses her without preamble, and then shrugs.

"Don't know. She can probably handle herself."

She sounds miserable as well.

Caleb snaps his fingers once, and then again. Frumpkin comes running towards him, leaping into his arms and nuzzling his hand. Caleb feels the familiarity and closeness, but this time, it's not enough. They are too close in mind.

Frumpkin jumps back to the floor and starts pawing at Beau's trouser leg until she scoops him up with a sigh. She sinks her fingers into his fur slowly, and Caleb is struck with a feeling he barely remembers - compassion. Pity. Frumpkin attempts to lick Beau's face, and she leans back with a grimace: "No - what - that's weird, Caleb - "

"Oh - yes - sorry - " He calls Frumpkin off, who immediately goes to placidly lying in Beau's arms, the picture of a harmless pet. She eyes him suspiciously.

"Did you - did you, like, tell him to lick my face? Because that's really weird," Beau repeats, and Caleb is sure if he gets any redder his head will just explode.

"I didn't think of it as such," he tries to explain, fumbling. "Frumpkin just felt sorry for you and that is what he does when he feels that way, and it has been a while so I didn't remember in time to stop him."

"Frumpkin felt sorry for me." Beau asks, flatly. Caleb nods, and hopes this conversation will be over soon, so he can lie down and hopefully die and stop thinking of situations in which Beau probably also thought that Frumpkin was a part of Caleb in the same way his hands are. All of the laps and shoulders he's sat on. That time he licked Kiri's face. "Mmmhm." Beau gives him a considering look.

He tries and fails to look inconspicuous.

"So, how, how close are you to him? Can you, like, read his mind? Are you his mind?"

"Somewhere in between those two?" Caleb tries. "It's a connection, but he's still a cat. But I still made him. So he's also a part of me, but just a bit."

"So, before Frumpkin, did you never feel sorry for anyone? That strictly his job?"

Caleb feels the blood drain from his face all at once. He sits up stiffly. In Beau's arms, Frumpkin goes completely still.

"I didn't-"

Beau is already shaking her head, horrified. "Oh no, nope, no, I wasn't alluding to that, can we pretend that never happened please -"

Caleb nods gratefully. Frumpkin, less forgiving, lightly nips at Beau's finger. "I know, sorry," Beau tells him, and Caleb relaxes a fraction.

"I just meant," Beau tries again after a moment of silence. Caleb spends a few seconds wishing he had a God to pray to for this to end. To not loop back to before Frumpkin.

"I just meant, maybe you shouldn't distinguish - quite so much. Maybe you can just say you felt sorry."

"But it was Frumpkin. I am just miserable because he hasn't gotten anyone to pet him today and I'm afraid for Yasha and I am hating how lost I am without him. Then you picked him up and he felt - that."

He pauses for a second. "He's better at the interpersonal stuff than I am. You might have noticed."

Beau laughs, a hearty, bellowing sound that lasts until Frumpkin digs his claws into her thigh and she lets out an undignified yelp.

"I - yeah, I might have some idea," she says.

Caleb grins, just a little.

5- When they finally find Kiri's parents and leave her with them, Jester is the one it hits the hardest.

Nott is a little teary eyed as well, but she manages to talk through it. "It's almost like we're good people," she tells Caleb at some point, and he nods.

"She made it easy to be," he says.

Everyone is a little subdued, but it's most obvious with Jester. She's walking a little off to the side, not taking part in any of their conversations. When Fjord splits off to talk to her after a while, she sends him off with a shake of her head.

Maybe she wants to be alone. But maybe she wouldn't say no to some wordless comfort, Caleb thinks, and snaps Frumpkin into existence on top of Jester's head, nestled between her horns.

She gives a quiet yelp and sends him a startled look, but doesn't pry Frumpkin off, so Caleb leaves him there, playing with strands of her hair as they walk on. He makes sure his claws are drawn in.

When he feels a brief burst of satisfaction that isn't his own a few minutes later, he chances another look: Jester has reached her tail up above her head and is using it to scritch Frumpkin behind the ears. Frumpkin has closed his eyes and is dozing in the sunlight that filters in through the leaves of the trees they're walking beneath. She's still quiet, but she seems less sad.

By evening, the strange spell has worn off, and Jester is back to her old self: Talking excitedly, scribbling in her notebook, telling everyone who will listen about the great deed they have done by rescuing this child from a monster and reuniting her with her family.

Caleb realizes for the first time how much they need her to keep them sane and kind and happy, and Frumpkin carefully climbs off her head and onto her shoulder to press his face into her cheek. She sets down her tankard of milk to pet him, and then grabs him around the middle and hands him back. "Thank you for your cat, Caleb," she says, in the drawn out sing song voice she gets when she's trying to remember to be polite. "He was very cute and helped me a lot. But I also think he needs more flowers."

"I know, but I can't make them stick to him!" Nott butts in, "They just fall down when he goes poof. Do you know a spell for that?"

"Oooh, that would be a great spell. Let Frumpkin take flowers to the other realm!" Jester slams her fist on the table, startling Beau, who had been resting her head on it.

Caleb smiles. "If I come across one, I will teach it to you," he promises. Then, on a whim, he leans closer to Jester and lowers his voice to ask: "Are you okay?"

Jester gives him a startled smile. "Oh, I'm fine," she says cheerfully, "Just, you know, I have never made any friends before you guys, so it's hard to leave one behind."

Caleb has the sudden urge to hug her, and quells it by letting Frumpkin jump on the table and push into her hand again.

"Well, we'll stay together, so that's six friends you don't need to worry about losing," he tries.

Jester nods emphatically as she pats Frumpkin on the back a little too hard. "And we'll get those diamonds so I won't need to worry about losing you in other ways, too."

She scrunches up her face and headbutts Frumpkin before he can, and if Frumpkin steps on Jester's plate in the following playfight, it's not like anyone but Caleb sees it, so it can remain his secret.

"Yes", he says. Fjord, who is seated two chairs over, starts sneezing in earnest, so Caleb reluctantly disappears Frumpkin, making Jester almost faceplant into the table.

6- When they reach Erdeloch, Caleb thinks it should make Fjord as happy as he gets: Caleb has never seen a body of water so big that it meets the horizon in the distance, and he thinks to himself that they probably won't get any closer to an actual ocean in their travels.

But Fjord is quiet and withdrawn even when Jester invites him to come swimming.

He gets in the water, but there's no joy in his practiced strokes.

Something is troubling him. From the way Molly is watching Fjord from the shore, Caleb thinks he probably sees it too, or knows more than he does. Maybe Fjord had another nightmare.

He summons Frumpkin, who eyes the water suspiciously, and pets him absently.

"Do you think he might be cheered up by a cuddly familiar?" Caleb asks Molly abruptly.

Molly raises an eyebrow. "Fjord is allergic," he reminds Caleb, and Caleb nods. "I know," he says. "But I still have enough incense."

Molly's other eyebrow joins the first. "Oh, that sounds like an incredible waste of resources. I love it."

Caleb knows he probably shouldn't take that as an encouragement, but he does: He gathers coal from their campfire and starts the ritual right then and there, on the shore of the lake, where they can all watch him - and they do, he's half aware of Nott's curious gaze and Jester's questions, of Molly's quiet answers from his other side. He's briefly swamped by a feeling he hasn't had in more than a decade: he feels at home, for the long minutes that his mind is occupied with the ritual just enough to not be thinking how much he doesn't deserve them, and the others in his peripheral, just enough not to crowd him.

Then it's over, his mind snaps back to alertness, and Frumpkin nuzzles his hand, otter-shaped. His fur is softer and more dense than Caleb is used to.

"What is that?" Molly asks, immediately fascinated.

"It's an otter. Pretty close to a cat, but they live in water," Caleb explains. Molly holds out a hand, and Frumpkin pushes his head into it just like he did as a cat. Molly gives a delighted bark of laughter. "Incredible," he says, smiling bright.

"He is pretty good," Caleb says, in a rare burst of pride. He doesn't feel exposed and lonely the way he did when Frumpkin was a sparrow, and this way he is not wary of the water the way Frumpkin-the-cat was. Caleb nods down at him and smiles. "Go bother Fjord," he instructs.

Frumpkin chirps at him and flits off, weirdly off-balance until he reaches the water, and then he's streamlined and as elegant as the cat was on land.

Fjord is diving when Frumpkin reaches him, so Frumpkin dives after him without hesitation.

Caleb looks away from the stilling surface of the water and catches Molly, Jester and Nott intently staring at the lake. After a second, Jester nudges him with an elbow. "Well, go spy on him! We want to know what's happening!"

Caleb looks to Molly. He doesn't know when Molly of all people became his moral compass, but here they are. Maybe it’s because he’s always sure, even if his moral rules only make sense to him.

"What are you waiting for? And tell us everything!" Molly makes a shooing motion as if to push Caleb into the water, and Caleb goes blind and deaf, with Jester and Molly habitually holding onto his elbows so he won't topple over.

Frumpkin has almost reached Fjord when he gets there, still on his way to the bottom of the lake, which is, as Caleb can see now, littered with little colorful pebbles that seem to emit a faint glow. Fjord grabs a handful of them, and Frumpkin does the same, taking one with little blue swirls on it and holding it carefully as sand muddies the water where they stirred it.

Fjord looks over to Frumpkin, and for a second, Caleb sees surprise on his face, melting into a genuine smile. He slowly holds out a hand as if trying to gain Frumpkin's trust. Frumpkin puts the stone he picked up into it, startling Fjord into a laugh that leaves his mouth in a few bubbles that rise towards the surface. Reminded of where he is, he quickly pushes off the ground and swims up, Frumpkin at his heels.

Caleb relates everything to the others as it happens, and feels Jester's hand tighten on his elbow in response.

Fjord reaches the surface and gulps in air, sputtering a bit.

"Hey!" he calls over to the two colorful globs Frumpkin can barely make out in the distance. "I found a friend!"

Frumpkin chitters and swims around him to clamber on his head.

"Well done, Fjord!" that's Jester's voice, drifting over from the shore.

"Say hi to Frumpkin!" comes Molly's shout, a second later. "Caleb made him this way specifically so you could stop sneezing!"

For a second, Fjord stiffens. He probably doesn't appreciate anything that even remotely resembles a prank, after the kind of childhood he seems to have had. Frumpkin jumps off his head and swims around him in a wide circle to gage his expression.

Fjord gives Frumpkin an appraising look, and then it eases into a grin.

"Thanks, Caleb," he says, quietly, and gives Frumpkin a pat. "'ppreciate that."

"You're welcome!" Caleb yells across the lake before he can talk himself into pretending he wasn't just spying on his friend, and he pulls back just in time to hear Jester cheer and Mollymauk give a big, hearty laugh.

After that, Frumpkin and Fjord set out to collect as many of the pebbles as they can for a delighted but decidedly dry Nott, and between the splashes and the low, encouraging voice Fjord uses to talk to Frumpkin, Caleb feels well and truly appreciated.

It has been a while since that feeling last wasn't associated with murder and obedience.

Caleb leans back on his elbows between the two tieflings and allows it to heal him the tiniest bit.

#critical role #caleb widogast #I wrote this and then I found out that Travis would indeed like an otter shaped Frumpkin #also this is not intended to be shippy but caleb seems to be in love with everyone because I am #fajority writes

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imagineaworlds · 6 years ago

Text

(1) brandewyn

summary: Thais Bolton lives in the OASIS. Well, sort of. Her dream is to one day live in the OASIS as Brandewyn with her best friend Wade. But he’s more concerned with the three keys James Halliday left behind after his death. The two of them embark on a familiar journey through the OASIS to save it from corporate assholes who want to take it away.

pairing: wade watts x female!oc

word count: 2,725

warnings: cursing. panic attack. ptsd.

(1) - (2) - (3) - (4)

My nose wrinkled back at the smells of 2045 Ohio. After all of this time, one would think I had gotten used to the rotten food, the spreading rust, and the chemical fumes surrounding me in every step; but, no. Every morning I still wished that I could smell fresh air for once, see the sun as it once was, and run in the grass. My parents would tell me stories of them chasing each other in the meadows, pushing each other on a swing roped to a large tree branch, and watching the clouds when they got tired. But then they moved here. Well, really everyone did. Ohio was the place to be once the OASIS opened.

All of my life I’ve lived in the OASIS. Every day was the same. I got out of bed, got dressed, and headed out for the day. When I walked out of the house, I noticed that Wade had already left, the rope tethered down to the first level. From the ground, he was waving at me, inviting me to join him. Like my parents, Wade and I had been friends since we were born. My parents knew Wade’s before they died, and they even offered to take him in, but his Aunt Alice wanted to look after him. Unlike my parents, however, we didn’t have some epic love story about love at first sight and growing up with your soulmate attached to the hip. Instead, Wade and I were just close friends. And I promised myself that I would never tell him that I wanted more.

I grabbed at the rope, and slowly lowered myself towards Wade. As I got closer, I could see his disheveled dark brown hair more clearly, and his index finger pressing the bridge of his glasses further up on his nose. Another thing we shared, our poor eyesight. Wade had these terribly small glasses with no frame, while I had big glasses with large white frames. He teased me about it, saying I looked like I was from the 70’s. Just a decade shy of what he considered to be the best decade of all time. Wade was obsessed with everything 80’s, and that was mostly to do with his obsession with Halliday. His fascination showed by his badly stained Star Wars: A New Hope white t-shirt. He tried to hide the embarrassing stains under a blue flannel, but I knew that shirt well enough. I had bought it for his birthday a few years ago.

As I tethered the rope, I listened to Wade dig the toe of his shoe into the dirt while he waited impatiently. I rolled my eyes at him. It wasn’t like he had to wait for me. He always chose to wait. I kicked his shin playfully before walking past him. Wade shook his ankle out as he hopped after me. “Morning to you, too, sour pants,” he joked. I responded with a fake laugh. “So, what’s your plan today?”

I looked at Wade, watching as his hands gripped onto his backpack straps to keep it high on his shoulders. In the OASIS you could do anything you wanted. Dancing, singing, racing, sports, shooter games, etc. You name it, Halliday created it. “I dunno,” I told him. “Probably join the race.” That was something I hardly ever did. I left that kind of stuff to Wade and Aech because they were always better at it than I was.

First time I ever raced, I nearly zero’d out; and if it weren’t for Wade, I would have. Thing was, I had just gotten past the dinosaur when an IOI car rammed into mine, sending me spinning into a brick wall. The car was totalled, and more IOI cars were approaching, I’d be hit again, and zero’d out. When I tried to jump out of the car, I found my legs stuck. I couldn’t move. My heart was racing in my chest, and I kept glancing over my shoulder to watch the cars getting closer. All I could do was keep trying to pull my legs out of the wreck, and scream for help. In the craziness of it all, I hadn’t even noticed that Wade turned around to come get me.

Too close for comfort, I would tell Wade every time he encouraged me to give it another try. So, I thought that I would never try the race again. But what else was I going to do to pass the time?

The rest of our walk was quiet— unusually quiet. But it was close to Wade’s parents’ anniversary, so I tried not to pry. When we got to the junkyard, Wade went to his bus, and I went to mine. Wade was first to discover the junkyard as a great place to hide out all day, so he got the bigger bus. Coincidentally, there were only two buses there, but they were on opposite sides of the pile of trashed cars.

I had only been in Wade’s bus a couple of times because he claimed that it was his “sacred place”. I didn’t blame him, though, for not wanting anyone to invade his privacy, I didn’t want that either. The few times I had been in there, iti was to help him look over some new information he found about Halliday. His entire bus was covered with news clippings, magazine covers, posters, pictures— everything Halliday.

We weren’t separated for long, of course. Once I was logged into the OASIS, I tracked down Z, who last logged off at the Halliday’s Journals. A friend of mine named Soyzie passed me, she was wearing her famous Rosalina from Mario Kart skin. Everyone on the track knew her because it was nearly impossible to get Rosaline, yet she did.

“Brandewyn!” she called after me, her blue dress flowing behind her.

I turned towards the tracks to look at her. Alright, I’ll be honest. No one played Mario Kart anymore… unless you were under the age of twelve. The two exceptions were myself and Soyzie. Both of us had a rough time at Halliday’s race, so we found comfort in the little kid’s sport which we dominated. “Hey, Soy,” I high fived her. She asked if I was staying for the next race, claiming that Black Power Ranger, as we knew him, was back. He was our only true competitor, but he loved to troll us. “No, I’m actually meeting up with a friend of mine. I’m gonna give Halliday’s race another shot.” Soyzie looked shocked. “I know, but someone has to get that key, right?”

Soyzie nodded, “Have fun,” she waved as racers dressed in Mario and Pokemon outfits lined up.

When I arrived at Halliday’s Journals, Z was waiting for me at the portal. “Wasn’t sure if you’d actually come.” I shrugged. “You’ll be fine. Just bail if something’s wrong.” Z put a hand on my shoulder, “Aech can fix a car, not a zero’d out player.”

As we jumped through the portal together, we found ourselves in the midst of complete chaos. Sixers were marching in their ordered lines, and there were few Gunters left, so they filled the other spots. At the front we found Aech standing proudly with his monster truck. It was infamous on the race track for squashing other cars underneath its large tires. For the most part, Aech only tried to get the Sixers, but there was always the one unfortunate noob who thought it would be smart to go under him.

Next to his large truck was an empty spot. Him and Z shared a handshake, “I saved a spot for you,” he said to his best friend. Then he looked to me, “Sorry, Brandy, didn’t know you were coming.”

“That’s alright, Aech, I’ll head to the back. Probably safer, anyhow.” Both boys nodded in agreement. As Z was about to set up his car in the free spot, he froze. “What is it?”

Z shook his head, “I have to go in the back. You can have this spot, Brandy.”

“Oh, man, really?” Aech laughed, “You have to steal gas coins from zero’d Sixers. That’s a new low, even for you.” Z hit Aech’s large arm.

Aech pretended to be hurt, whining like a baby, while I set up my car in the front spot. Quietly, Z walked away from us. I only had two cars, the one from my old racing days, and my Mario Kart bike. There’s only one rule amongst my friends at the Kart tracks, bikes only. Everyone knows that bikes are better than cars, only the little kids used karts. But that bike wouldn’t survive this track. That bike was used to dodging banana peels, not wrecking balls; and skidding along paved tracks, not normal streets. There was only one other option.

As the car set up, I thought about how Aech fixed it for me after the wreck. It was totalled, but with Aech’s mods and coins, he made do. The car was a GTA based maroon Jester sports car with the number 53 on the sides, and the number 8 on the hood. The 53 was obviously based on Herbie the love bug, but it also represents feeling free to do what you think is right even when the world is telling you no. That number is on the sides to remind me to stay grounded and level headed. The number 8 represents power, which is why it’s on the hood of the car.

I opened the car door, and jumped in. Every sound set my teeth on edge, the engines revving and the cheering from Gunters were just a few small examples. But the minute the light turned from red to yellow, nothing else was on my mind except getting to that finish line. No fucking this up. I thought to myself just before the light turned green and green fireworks shot into the sky. At the same time, everyone pressed on the gas pedal and we were off. Aech, having a heavy truck, started a bit slower, but sped up.

Off the bat, Sixer cars were crashing all over the place, and we weren’t even off the bridge. Old Gunter friends of mine were catching up to me. And soon I had to start weaving through the sea of Sixer and Gunter cars. I pushed my car as much as I could, eyeing the broken, twisted ramps ahead. Everything was moving fast— faster than I ever recalled. Against the wheel, my hands were shaking, and my palms were sweaty against the leather.

One by one, cars flew off the ramps; and some crashed, while others made it across. My grip tightened, and my foot pressed harder on the gas, and then I just prayed. For a fleeting moment, it was peaceful. I didn’t have to weave, curse other drivers who cut me off, or worry about any upcoming obstacle. I was free flying through the air, and then the car dropped back onto the track on the other side of the jump. I cheered loudly as I made a sharp left turn.

“Guys, are you seeing this?” Z asked myself and Aech. I didn’t know what he was talking about, but Aech did. He described a bike from Akira, a movie I had seen only about a thousand times. And then I realized who he was describing.

My eyes shot wide, “Art3mis is here?!” I exclaimed.

Aech scoffed, “No way is it her.”

“No, I have seen all of her Twitch streams, read all of her blog posts. It’s her.”

“Where are you guys, anyways?” I asked while driving under a bridge. Around the next corner would be the obstacles before where I crashed last time.

Z sounded like he was in a struggle as he spoke, “Just landed off the ramps. Where are you?”

I looked ahead. Swinging from the sky, seemingly attached to nothing, gigantic wrecking balls rained down upon us. To my right, a Gunter got scooped away by one, coins falling from where they once were. I didn’t think twice before collecting the coins. I looked around to see who my nearest competition was, thinking it would be a Sixer, but I saw no one. Just in case, I looked in the rear view mirror. Nothing. Over my shoulders. Nothing. What the hell? I thought to myself.

I jumped the construction sight small ramp with ease, and started to slow my speed. I didn’t mean to, it was just instinct. Ahead, there was China Town, where I crashed last time. If my heart wasn’t pounding hard enough in my chest from adrenaline, it was about to explode from anxiety. In my stomach, I felt a pit growing like I was about to puke. My breathing was short and wavering, and my eyes started to water. “I can’t to it…” I muttered as I bailed. Just before I reached the trigger for the T-Rex, I came to a halt, my brakes shaking under my shoot, and the tires tried to grab the ground as I skidded to a stop.

“What are you talking about?” Z asked worriedly.

A Sixer car zoomed past me, triggered the T-Rex who picked up the grey car and crushed it between its large teeth. “I can’t pass the dinosaur,” I said as more cars started passing me. It hadn’t even occurred to me that the Akira bike had passed me, and then the Back to the Future car passed me. My head hit the steering wheel, the siren sounded like a whisper compared to loud clamor of cars and roars from the T-Rex. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Z said, determination now ringing in his voice.

“I had to bail to,” Aech added angrily. Then his voice cheered, “Go! Go! You got it! Go, Z!” The way he was cheering, it sounded like Z was about to win, and I wasn’t even there.

Suddenly, it didn’t seem like I needed to worry about that. “Shit…” Z growled. “Art3mis isn’t going to make it,” he said. “King Kong will zero her out.” Quiet. “Bail!” he shouted at someone. “Bail!”

I put the car in reverse and started slowly heading back to the start where we would always meet up after bad races— and all of them were bad races. I waited for Z and Aech, sitting on the hood of my car, playing on my in-game Gameboy. In the real world you could never find old technology, it was really hard and expensive. But in the Oasis, I had three Gameboy’s, two of which were customs. It was weird to be playing a video game inside of a video game at first, but I got used to it, and it’s how I started passing the time.

More and more Gunters trudged back with low health and their damaged vehicles pocketed. Some were drinking healing potions and putting “bandages” on for more health. Others, who had nothing, slowly let their health come back. In the exodus, I saw Aech’s giant avatar next to two smaller avatars. I recognized one as Perzival, and the other as the Art3mis.

As the neared, I pocketed the Jester after dismounting it, and greeted the three of them with a smile. Z was glowing with excitement, and Aech was rolling his eyes at every other word. “Oh!” Z exclaimed, “This is my friend Brandewyn,” he said it like I was an afterthought before continuing on his nerd rant. I couldn’t blame him, though. Who could? He was meeting one of the greatest OASIS streamers, someone he aspired to be like.

I cleared my throat to grab their attention. “I’m headed out. But I wanted to give this to you, Aech.” I threw the miniature figure of my car at him.

He caught it and looked at me, bewildered. “The Jester?” he questioned with both excitement and disbelief. I nodded. “You’re giving me the Jester? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. My Copper Key Race days are over. I figured if anyone was going to take good care of it, it would be you, Aech. Treat her well or I’ll cut your balls off in the real world.” I laughed as I waved goodbye and took my OASIS visor off, Z saying something about wanting me to stay. I didn’t hear him.

#ready player one #ready player one imagine #ready player one imagines #ready player one smut #ready player one series #wade watts #wade watts imagine #wade watts imagines #wade watts smut #wade watts series

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freakflagbyiana · 6 years ago

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Why “David Bowie is god”

As my site turns one year old today, which is also David Bowie’s birthday, I thought I’d try to begin to explain the importance David Bowie has in my personal life and the effect he had, continues to have, on my career.

Childhood influence

My parents had fairly different musical tastes but the one major thing that overlapped was they were both David Bowie fans. My mom was also a Jim Henson fan so I grew up watching Labyrinth with her. I remember it was out of print for a long time and I was the only kid in the neighborhood with a copy that had been taped off of HBO. As a kid I remember being in love with Jareth’s hair itself, asking Mom if I could make my hair do that one day. She replied “Sweetie, that’s a wig, not his real hair” and it was the dream-shattering equivalent of learning that there was no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy all rolled up into one. As a goth teenager I really got into his freaky Ziggy era, finding the idea of being an alien heavily relatable. And when I discovered BowieNet when I was 17, to my surprise my parents agreed to pay my annual subscription... It was $70. I think most parents would be like “Your message board fanclub costs how much? HAH! No.” I won’t go into grave detail of my BowieNet life here, because I could write an entire book, but I’ll summarize it. It began in 1996, and behind the pay wall was lots of exclusive bonus content, access to concert presales and bnet-only events, exclusive chatroom Q&As, and a very active message board. This was before Twitter, before Instagram, before Myspace, definitely before Facebook. David Bowie basically created social media as the everyday form we recognize today. He didn’t post all the time but I would still consider him very active on the message board, for a busy top tier celebrity. His username was “sailor” although there were always whispers about his other secret accounts that he used for trolling. So he basically invented trolling, too. The community itself was close, there were always local meetups and many members would travel internationally to see their closest bnet friends, eventually including myself. I joined this community when I was still in high school and 17 years later I am still close to the friends I made back then. These people are my family, and they vary from all nations, all walks of life, all classes, all ages... The first time I met any of them was at my first ever Bowie concert and that itself was a bnet members-only show to launch the Reality tour, which was eventually known as his last tour. This pivotal moment in my life occurred on August 19th 2003 at the The Chance Theater in Poughkeepsie NY. It was a small general admission venue, arguably a dive compared to the arenas he would play on the rest of the Reality tour. I was 18 years old and was in the process of moving to Chicago for art school. It was surreal to be seeing my first Bowie concert in a GA venue, and yet I knew 80% of the audience. David Bowie himself knew 100% of the audience, and you can hear him speaking to specific people in the bootlegs. I knew more people in the audience than I knew in my high school of 60 kids. A bunch of us were waiting at the venue early enough to catch him coming out to say hello while they were doing soundcheck. I didn’t get anything signed because all the members he knew by name were up in the very front of the group, as it should be. But I could still observe him from afar. He was dressed simply in a crisp white tshirt and white jeans, so the bright summer sunshine gave him a literally radiant, angelic glow. I’ll never forget his slinky catlike walk, and I’ve since never witnessed a creature with more grace.

Lessons I learned from Him

Freakflag began when my last salon closed, suddenly, due to #Austinproblems. As a fantasy color specialist, what I do is so specialized that not many places are going to do it well. The most stable environment for it, on short notice, is a mini salon. As a hairstylist, this makes sense. As an artist, this was (still is) terrifying. I have literally painted myself into a corner where I am my own microcosm, a terrarium of rare creatures emerging covered in sunset locks and lavender hairdust... None of this would have been possible without David Bowie. I very sincerely celebrate him as a god of my profession. For I am a witch and my profession is transformation magic. In many ways it is the magic of one’s true form, their true Identity. For example, I have many transgender clients who visit me in the early stages of their personal transformation. Sometimes they know what they want but a lot of times they don’t. I accept this task with great reverence for the importance of what I’m being asked to do. If they are not completely comfortable with the hair I’ve given them, it’s more than “a bad haircut will grow out if you don’t like it” - it can shape their confidence and that shapes the way people treat them. David Bowie is the Patron Saint of No Labels & Don’t Tell Me What To Do. The Patron Saint of the Gender Fluid & the Non-Binary. His iconic Ziggy Stardust mullet is the perfect example as to why I don’t attribute gender to my haircuts. Tell me, is a Ziggy mullet a men’s haircut or a women’s haircut? The answer is Yes. He taught me you can walk around with no eyebrows, a pale skeletal alien, and still feel your oats. It doesn’t matter if people “get it” because you “get it.” And you are the only person that really needs to “get it.” This is the lesson of aesthetic integrity. He taught me the importance of artistic integrity. At times he was a starving artist that created beautiful, profound things that no one quite understood or appreciated. But eventually he had a period of being a sellout that pandered to the crowd; it made him so sick of China Girl that he didn’t play it live for years after. I think it’s the period after this, from the 90s onward, where he found his true creative power. He knew he could achieve either end of the spectrum and balanced on that line thereafter. Blackstar being his best achievement in this regard. He taught me you can find your truest love later in life. Many goths say they aspire to a love like Morticia & Gomez, but I aspire to a love like Iman & David. Theirs is a real life love story that endured, and it didn’t happen overnight, she made him work for it! This is the big one... He saved me from flirting with suicide. I could write a lot about this too but I won’t right now. Here are the broadest strokes: As a sensitive, emotionally neglected, eccentric teenager I listened to a lot of angry music; Punk, Goth, Industrial, etc. The summer of age 16 was a tough one, I had been kicked out of one parent’s house and the other one completely left me to my own devices... So when I began flirting with self harm, the only person that noticed and snapped me out of it was a close school friend whom I will always consider a brother. This was about the time I discovered Bowie’s glamorous Ziggy era and it was the first thing that showed me “Truth, Goodness & Beauty” in my darkest hour. He showed me that being a great artist took time to cultivate your skills and not only would suicide mean I was achieving nothing, but self harm was a weakness that would eventually fester and I had to nip it in the bud. Bowie’s brother suffered from schizophrenia and eventually committed suicide so many of his works touch on the theme of your own worst enemy coming from within. A lot of goth music discusses it too, warning against rather than encouraging, but no one can make something relatable quite like Bowie. (For the record, a lot of that angry music is still my favorite! It has its place in the world) A lot of rock stars drank and drugged their way into an early grave but David Bowie was the one that survived and still managed to stay artistically and culturally relevant in the end. This is the main reason I celebrate him as a role model and a god amongst men. If he survived the 70s, made a clear decision to sober up, and could maintain sobriety throughout the 80s, he could achieve anything.

“Just a mortal with the potential of a superman” David Bowie, Quicksand

How I celebrate Him

For the last four years, I’ve been a DJ at Elysium’s New Year’s Eve party, a Labyrinth-themed Goblin King’s ball. And for the last three, I’ve co-hosted as Jareth himself... which means I’ve achieved my childhood dream of wanting to be Jareth with that fabulous hair and bedazzled tailcoat! This prepares me perfectly for celebrating his life a week later. There are a few “Bowie Weekend” events here in town. Drinks Lounge always has a Bowie Birthday Bash and Elysium usually has an 80’s night tribute or some other event in his honor. Then on the day itself I will take the time to clean my Bowie Shrine and think about all the times he helped me get out of a bad place in my life. Here you can see Instagram highlights of my Bowie Shrine. A few months ago, I got to work on a truly special project that is still super secret. But I can say that it involved recreating a famous David Bowie image and it was a great honor to be asked to do the makeup and hairstyling for this. It took all day, longer than expected, and we got about 300 shots... This weekend we got together again to edit them and in the end only 3 shots were picked. I can only imagine the process for the original shoot! I thought I was just invited along to edit because I was a Bowie nerd that wanted to be there and was ridiculously stoked on this project. But I was grateful to witness us work together as group on this tribute in its entirety, the three of us are perfectionists and we all had high standards but we also had methods of editing our standards for the sake of being practical. Unlike the shoot itself, this time a lot of discussion was had on the different elements that composed the original image and all three of us paid great attention to those details in the recreation. None of us expect to profit from it, this was hours of work that we each volunteered out of love of the art form, and reverence for David Bowie himself. The role I played in this image is a minor one compared to the other two people involved, but I am so terribly proud of us. I think He would be, too. Since I can’t post that image, I will instead leave you with my Aladdin Sane selfie tribute from this weekend:

★

#freakflagbyiana #davidbowie #hair #beauty #happy birthday David Bowie #Bowie Birthday #religious beliefs #Bowie #autobiographical #transgender #nonbinary #genderfluid #tansformation #witchcraft

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fatetrollsblog · 6 years ago

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Purqun Tiahin Introduction!

fHello everyone and welcome to another introduction! We haven’t posted in a while because we are very lazy, but now that school started I will be looking forward to write more, as some kind of reward for my hard work :P I know none of you are actually reading us, but if one day we get well known maybe you will see how bad we are. Anyway, today I’ll be presenting the biggest nerd but also the strongest girl of the session, our purple blood Purqun Tiahin! As always I’ll be presenting according to the following with just a little change:

Basic informations and life stuff

Personality

Miscellaneous content and stuff about sburb

1.Basic Informations and life stuff:

Starting off with the basics of basic informations, Purqun Tiahin is a purple blooded troll, and as her blood caste shows, she’s a tall girl with long black hair. But who cares about appareances? Artists most probably, but I’m divaguing. This time, Purqun doesn’t mean aything I know of, as it was an oc I got by adopting her. Only her sprite and a few facts about her, and here I went creating her!

Unlike other purple bloods, she despises violence, and is always looking for a calm place to stay. Thankfully, her hive is everything she could have ever asked for, it being an incredibly large castle, with about a fourth of it being a library. Indeed, Purqun is the kind of person you see either with a book, a lack of sleep, or their legs hugged to their chest. Since her life has been surrounded with books her whole life she not only like reading and staying up at day (???) to finish a book, but she also lives in a world of Pure Imagination. She likes fantasy books the most, with a cute romance between the hero and the princess. But she was put in such a place for obscure reasons.

When her lusus picked her, she was forced to go live in that castle with her new grub. Vulturemom (purqun’s lusus) tried to keep her grub away from the world she was fated for, which is being the official writer of the Purple Chronics, a 24 volumes series, each about a purple sign, counting the adventures and prowesses of the Clown Church’s followers. Through the sweeps, after her lusus gave up on keeping her away from her destiny, she writes 3 of them, her ancestors, Chahut’s and Gamzee’s. But before finishind all of them, in her 9th sweep, she gets into sburb and she’ll understand how stupid this whole thing was, though she might tell you about the purple chronicles if you ask about it!

Purqun is Namurr’s matesprite, and she met her thanks to her moirail who will be presented next by mod ral! Her kismesis has also been presented, and it is Mutirr! Indeed, through the game, Mutirr discovered that her descendant was dating a purple blood, and because of her own matesprite, she got to dislike highbloods, and as she got to really like her descendant, she couldn’t help but hate Purqun for dating her, so they both agreed to get into a kismesissitude.

2. Personality

First, I’d like you to imagine your life, away from any other life forms out of cockroaches and your bird mom, in a large castle you can’t explore. Purqun grew mad at this situation and decided to explore it all when she was just a kid and ended up getting lost where she was forbidden to go to: the library. After a few days in there, and after her lusus found her again, she became very curious about all of this, and started reading. Thanks to all the fictions she has read, she has become a very open and kind hearted person, as it is told in adventures novels or love stories. She is a huge fan of love fictions, and she herself likes to write some in her free time.

The said free time is pretty small. Indeed, after finally getting interested in her duty as the writer of the Purple Chronicles, she was forced to spend at least 16 hours a day in her library to learn about different writing styles to be the most efficient possible while writing the different volumes. This also created some parts of her personality, like the fact that she is open but can also be very rude if she’s being interrupted in her work. Because of that she became paranoid, and her mental state was detoriating with time. But one day, as she was already managing the library, as a lot of highbloods were interested in her collection, a teal blooded girl came to ask about some book, and from this day, she kept coming times to times, and the two girls kept in touch and at one point much later, they got into a matespriteship, and maybe you’ve got that the teal blooded girl is actually Namurr.

Actually, a few weeks before, Purqun met a bronzeblood, and became moirail with him, and he saw that she didn’t have enough time to have friends so he decided to send one of his friends there for her! What a great friend really, he is so cute. But thanks to those two people, she got new friends, and came back to her original self, the open and kind hearted self.

However, through the years, Purqun was like any other purple blood, very hot tempered. Even if she is nice to the people coming to get some books, she despises rude people, or very noisy people. In those case she could also be rude, but most of the time she’ll go straight for the kick in the butt out of the building, but given that her feet are covered by iron boots, I don’t think it would just leave a few marks. But like some people, she could either break things or take a bath, it would make her feel much more relaxed and calm her down $, releasing her from all the pression that’s put on her shoulders.

3. Miscellaneous content and stuff about sburb

In sburb, Purqun was of great help to the team, as she was probably the tankiest of all the 12 trolls, and the closed range fighter. With her notebook&pencilkind as her strife specibi, she can combine both of them for defense and offense respectively, as she can make the pen as long as she wants or as hard as she wants with a bit of crafting, which helps when her favorite way of fighting is through throwing both of her weapons really hard at people. When they all entered their mediums, she got in the game thanks to the Fushia blood of the team and got the rust blood in, the two that you will see soon probably. I

never mentionned it here, but she’s our sylph of life, as she’s literally a story teller. In a basic way, sylphs can tell you about their aspect and heal through or the aspect in particular to others. As a sylph of life, she is able to “heal life”, which means she can revive anyone, make someone old young again, cool stuff like that. Her medium is the Land of Snowdrops and Crowns (LoSaC), and surprisngly enough, there’s literally no crowns visible at the surface of the planet, which is covered in snow. Her quest is to find a way to get all of those crowns out of the snow, by either makig them all come at the surface or make all of the snow melt, at the price of disrupting the cold ecosystem for the consorts.

Her fetch modus is pretty annoying, but quite interesting in my opinion. To retrieve an item out of her inventory, she needs to tell a story about the said object without saying what it is, and the most related item to the story will be taken out.

Her whole look is inspired of coats gentlefolks used to wear in europe (and probably in america idk), and since I don’t want to add more pics in there, look for Julian from the Arcana game, he wears something like that. She also wears very big boots, kind of looking like equius’ but more of a steel and kicking hard type.

I think that’s it folks for today, I’ll try making more content from now on, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to repost and like of course :P see you soon, next time i’ll introduce a character it will be my olive blooded fortune teller!

#homestuck #oc #purple blood #purqun tiahin #troll session #intro #first pic by me #second pic by me #third pic by ??? not sure

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thetradeway · 4 years ago

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Session 38 27 Mar 2021: The Flesh Ripper - “We can salvage this!”

The world is a massive bollocking twat this week, so nobody is super happy. Luckily it’s D&D day! Ed reminds us that Melaina did 46 damage in one hit last week, making us all feel inferior. Foul noises are coming from roll20, worrying all of us. Maybe it’s a chest opening noise!

Joe suggests a different noise, one that sounds like a very large beast doing a cross between a belch and a roar, and this one kills Matthew’s sound card. Too much gain on the monster noises.

Matthew heard a news story about a baby shark getting swallowed whole by a crocodile. Tiktok is going to go nuts for that one, they love baby sharks. Ed says he heard about how sometimes baby sharks eat each other in the womb, and it’s the most metal thing he’s ever heard of. There’s a verse for the baby shark song. (We all conspicuously do not sing it, for the sake of Sophie who has never heard it.)

There’s some waffle about the clocks changing while we wait to see if Mina is joining us; she hasn’t been on the group chat today. I send her a message but it doesn’t seem to get delivered. We wait a few minutes to see if she’ll get back to us. Just as Joe gives me control of Kessler, she pops in. lol.

There are some Ever Given memes on the group chat, and then we get started. We are in the Flesh Ripper’s lair…

The arcane casters (except Melaina, who doesn’t have a high enough spell slot yet) all get the Woundbind spell, which they can add to their spell lists.

The doorway on the other side of the canal where we defeated the Black Puddings is blocked with carcasses and bones. Does it look like the flesh has been ripped off them?

DM: “Yeah.”

Ahleqs: “ohhhhh noooooo……”

Kessler rolls Investigation on the pile of... stuff and gets a 15. It’s made of bones and gristle and fat from all manner of creatures from rats to trolls or ogres. The limbs look torn off. (It’s a wookiee - we just need to make sure we let it win.) She can see it will take some strength to shift the bones if we want to get through that tunnel. The roar comes again; we see the back of Ahleqs’ head as he makes a break for it. We could go back and say it wasn’t in…?

We go around the other corner instead and Melaina is immediately attacked by something, finding herself suspended in… something, and her flesh begins to burn.

(Sophie, reading the description of the attack: “‘Engulf’. Bollocks. That sounds awful.”)

She makes a DEX save and escapes. It is a gelatinous cube, AKA, the Dungeon Roomba! (This would explain why the rest of the sewer is so immaculately clean.)

Tarragon Thunderwaves it but it makes the save. She backs up a little. Grease Wizard is up next. He moves closer. “Oh! That thing’s horrendous, look at it.” He throws some acid at it, believing it to be not very dexterous. He is correct - its save is -3, so that is a fail. (Ahleqs, seeing this, warms up a Fireball - forgetting about the gas pockets Shanks warned us about. DM says he can make a Perception check as a free action to see if he smells gas. He rolls a 13; he doesn’t smell anything flammable and is very pleased about this.)

Kessler is up. She is reluctant to punch it, in spite of the potential to make it wobble like a jelly. Ahleqs suggests eating her way out if that happens. She opts for the crossbow instead, and hits it for 5 points of piercing damage. She reloads and fires again for another hit and 10 damage this time. She makes a hide attempt as a bonus action, but she’ll be doing it at disadvantage because she’s trying to hide in nothing. (Cue the Bumblebee gif again.) She rolls two tens and is not hidden. She decides she IS hidden, because she has her hands in front of her eyes. “Close enough.”

Melaina moves and makes a hide attempt, as she is on the other side of the cube now. Nat 20 for a 30 total, she is now in the ethereal plane. She shoots with Sharpshooter, rolling a 21, for 21 plus 13 damage. It wobbles like dropped jelly, and cracks start to form.

Like a blancmange when it goes bad? Well, blancmanges are MADE bad, they don’t GO bad, but yes, like that.

Brother Carl can’t do much. Does he have any paperwork he needs to catch up on? He needs to safeguard both his hit points anyway. He rolls bad on his DEX check to get out of the water and can’t manage it, so he sits down in the water like a toddler having a tantrum in a paddling pool. Not having enough movement to stand back up, his turn is over.

Matthew: “Poor Carl!”

The Cube moves to engulf Ahleqs and Brother Carl - no wait, we’ve missed Ahleqs in the order. Okay, it’s his turn. The cube moves politely back to allow him to go.

The roar comes again and we all immediately panic. Is the ripper approaching?

Ahleqs makes a DEX check to get out of the water on the opposite side to the cube - the same side we found the pile of bones and limbs. He rolls a 21. He scampers up like a gazelle and administers two Eldritch Blasts to the Cube, in short order. “Zap!” A 12 and a 17 for 4 damage total. “Yeah, he better wobble!” Does he sense that it fears him? (Probably not.)

Brother Charity gets a go. Does anyone need any making less poorly?

Us: “You, maybe?”

He slams a potion, regaining 16HP. He holds a healing spell in case something awful happens.

DM: “Okay…. Wheeee!” Oh no. ‘Wheeeeee’ is never a good sound to hear coming from a Dungeon Master.

The cube zooms forward and engulfs Tarragon and Brother Carl, but we both make our DEX saves. It throws a pseudopod at Tarragon but whiffs badly with a nat 1.

Tarragon has had enough; she Rages and hits it with her quarterstaff for 11 damage.

We can see lots of splits in the cube now; it looks in a bad way. Like a chewed Haribo. A sad sight to see stuck to a window in town. Gideon is up - with a little manoeuvring he can throw a Thunderwave at it without hitting Carl or Tarragon. It seems to have a high CON score though so it will likely make its save again… He decides to do an Aganazzar’s Scorcher instead. He stretches out his hands and a big flaming line flies out of them like a flame thrower and burns the shit out of the cube, and Gideon chuckles to himself.

“Engulf this!”

It fails its DEX save and takes 11 fire damage. Woohoo! Does he want to move? No, Gideon is no coward, he’s a stalwart Dwarf dammit.

The small folk are putting the bigjobs to shame today. Kessler gets the how-de-do-dis with her Firebolt. Hey! The bolt penetrates the cube and blows it apart from inside “because I love that kinda shit.”

Melaina is up - wait, what? I thought we did-dis?

There will be a Reason, Duncan is sure. Melaina is AFK so Matthew shouts to the kitchen to ask Sophie what she wants to do. She is cooking ribs. She can’t see what’s going on so she moves forward to attack the cube, not knowing it’s dead. and Joe asks her to show him the path she took. Oh no…

She stumbles into another gelatinous cube. She can make her DEX save, and glides right out of it on the other side to do a backflip and taking no damage. She gives it a stabby with her rapier with a ten, which hits for 7 piercing damage. She yells to let the rest of us know what’s happening around the corner.

Carl stands up and makes another attempt to get out of the water. Really focusing now… a 7. If he goes up to the plank the DM will let him make a STR check to climb up the plank. He rolls a 17! Yeahhhhhh.

It’s the second cube’s turn. Melaina must repeat her DEX save - Matthew will click it for her. a 24!

Brother Carl still gets an attack, so he swings with his mace for a natty 20! Crit table says “Bonk on the noggin. Max damage and roll the damage dice again.” And the mace dissolves…? No, it’s fine. Phew.

DM goes to get more wine, but Ahleqs is up next after that. Would he like to do some spells and shit? He doesn’t want to waste any slots though… Flesh ripper and all…

He will Eldritch Blast again. Zap! Just a hit, with a 20 and a 21 for 13 damage total. Nice.

Charity: “Carl, be careful!” With that, can he scooch past Tarragon? Good luck, she’s raging and all elbows, and will probably do an opportunity attack on him. He slides down the side of the canal instead and goes around her. He clambers back up - well he tries, but rolls a 9 on his DEX check. He goes through all his spells. “That won’t work… Nor that…” He opts in the end for Eldritch Blast and 12 damage total, insisting that it’s ‘divine energy’. Hmmm.

Tarragon rushes forward, still in her red mist, and smacks it with her quarterstaff for 9 more damage; she would move back out of the way to let everyone else get in, but it doesn’t occur to her so she doesn’t.

Gideon does a Chill Touch: “Hyahhh! Ohhhh…” He hits with an 11 for 3 damage. “I’m helping!”

Kessler shoots another Firebolt. 25 to hit and 12 fire damage “to old Blobby.” Kill it with fire!

Melaina backs up and hides, and shoots. She is literally the only competent one among us. 15 hits and 29 damage. Howdy Doody! “It implodes on itself like a nasty custard.”

We beat the dungeon! Yay!

DM: “Nope - not even close.” Aw beans.

Melaina moves forward and finds a loot chest. Too excited to check for traps, she tears it open to find a carved ivory lion with gems for eyes.

Brother Charity scoots around, avoiding Tarragon’s eye line. She growls at him as he goes by, but no-one hears that.

Gideon finds another chest and tries to kick it open but it just rocks back and forth. It doesn’t seem locked upon inspection, so he flips it open to find a blue gem and a sheet of parchment (first level spell scroll). He rolls a D6; a 3. It is a sorcerer spell. He has a bunch of spells so he offers it to Ahleqs.

Gideon rolls a d20 - he gets a 9. It is a scroll of Feather Fall. “Ah! That’s useful!” If he copies it into his book instead of casting it from the scroll, he can learn it. He’ll stuff it into a pocket. He checks on his flumph; it is safe in its pocket-aquarium.

Does Ahleqs want to interact with the chest he’s found? He’s seen others do it; he will try to remember what Melaina does after she says “I’ll check for traps”. He rolls a 17 and doesn’t find any. He can’t find the macro to roll for treasure at first; he gets it together and opens the chest to find 140sp.

Have we looted this part of the dungeon already - oh shit there’s some kind of slurping, gurgling growl. Melaina runs back to hide behind the pillar. We might have to deal with them bones, the ones blocking that pathway...

Brother Charity sweeps dramatically down the stairs toward Tarragon and attempts an ode - Matthew plays the worst audio I’ve ever heard. It’s a very badly sung song, ending with a marriage proposal.

youtube

Tarragon: “Does 23 hit you?”

Charity: “23 hits the fuck out of me.” She does 9 bludgeoning damage with her quarterstaff.

DM: “So you were actually singing that?” Ohhhhh nooooo. This is DM speak for ‘good luck fuckers, the Flesh Ripper heard you.’

We all immediately shit ourselves, but nothing happens straight away. We are all still digging in the bones. Kessler moves forward to Goblin Smash the pile; not the most stealthy tactic. We persuade her to wait a moment before going ham on the bones.

Melaina thinks she could squeeze through the little gap at the top. She and Tarragon make Stealth and Dex checks while Brother Carl helps Brother Charity up; Charity takes a health potion.

Melaina can’t quite get through the hole, but Tarragon scrambles up and through it - not quietly, however.

She finds the Flesh Ripper.

Tarragon presses herself into the wall on the other side - she makes a stealth check with Guidance and manages to keep out of its sight. (Notes are a little spotty from here as I am panicking.)

Tarragon makes a Minor Illusion of the thing on the other side of the pile of bones so the others can see it.

Ed: “Put that away! Put that back in the monster deck!”

Ahleqs casts Mage Hand to cover his eyes, only then realising that its translucent.

Can we fit the armoured goblin through the gnome hole?

Charity asks if he can cast a proprietary spell; Gideon wants to know how many musical numbers are involved. None, his solar plexus has learned his lesson.

He scrambles up and tries to follow his true love through the hole. He’s doing great stealth, but his DEX isn’t going so well so he is struggling to scramble through. He manages eventually, and joins Tarragon on the other side.

Tarragon whisper-apologises for hitting him but says she doesn’t want to marry him. He presses his finger to his own lips, and then to hers; she bites him. He rolls CON to keep from yelping with pain but fails, and we roll initiative.

FUCKkkkkkkkckKKKKCKKkk!

Joe mutes his microphone so he can laugh, and the Flesh Ripper descends upon Charity and Tarragon.

It does something called Whirlwind of Claws which forces a DC19 DEX save. (DC! 19!!!) Tarragon and Charity both fail and take 44 - that’s FORTY FOUR - points of damage. The attack pushes the rest of the bones out of the tunnel, letting the others in behind us thankfully. Charity also does some cold damage to the thing when it hits him.

They all roll initiative and join us.

Joe: I will say one word to you before we start: Primara. (The unicorn!)

Gideon goes first and busts out the big guns. He can cast Fireball at the thing’s head and miss us, because it’s so huge. He also thinks the stonework will take a blast, so he goes for it. It fails its DEX save, ha HA! That means that it takes 27 fire damage and anything flammable in the area also bursts into flame. “Take that, you big monstrosity - die!”

Can it see those of us on the other side of the little tunnel? Yes, because it’s crouching down and looking for us.

Ahleqs also does a Fireball.

Tarragon, panicked, Rages and goes Brown bear.

Melaina shoots with her bow, with a 22 which hits. She does 28 damage. How de do dis??? Please??? She moves back into the water.

Kessler runs at the thing and smashes it with her Thunder Gauntlets. Dirty 20 to hit, for 11 Thunder damage. She uses Fury of the Small to do another 6 damage on top, and goes for another punch. 22 to hit, and ten more Thunder damage. Good opening salvo. As she’s using Guardian armour, she can force disadvantage on the Flesh Ripper if it attacks anyone other than her for the next round. Noice.

Brother Carl is up. He prepares himself for another round of combat in a water trough, as Matthew forgot about him. He makes a DEX check to climb up the side and rolls an 8 which is a failure. He uses the rest of his movement to stand up and look sheepish.

Brother Charity, and the Flesh Ripper is on deck. “I think we may have got off on the wrong foot here…” he casts Magical Glove, aka Shillehglghlbhgllehhlahh. 23 hits, and he does 12 bludgeoning and 2 fire damage. Fire damage? Huh.

The flesh ripper makes a multi attack which gives it FIVE ATTACKS. It misses Kessler with its bite and goes for a slash with its claws, so she reaction-shields. It claws again and misses, and goes for another which also misses.

It does Whirlwind of Claws again. Charity and Kessler go down, and Tarragon is almost re-gnomed.

Gideon calls us back, hoping that those of us still up can hear him. He then does a Ray of Enfeeblement on the Flesh Ripper. He misses. “BALLLLLLLS!”

Kessler, raising her unconscious head for a moment for a spot of sass: “I really dislike that dwarf.”

Gideon: “At least I’ll be alive next round.”

(Savage. lol.)

Ahleqs calls Primara, who rolls initiative to join us.

That was his bonus action. He apologises to Primara for getting her killed, then does another fireball. It makes its save and Ahleqs rolls low on the damage, so it only takes 8 fire. Ahleqs, to himself: “Do I run away?”

Primara moves forward to do a Healing Touch on Brother Charity, who regains consciousness and 11HP. He assumes it was something he did. She then casts Shimmering Shield on Tarragon, which gives her a +2 bonus to her AC.

Bear-Tarragon makes a multi attack and hits twice; the thing is starting to look ‘mildly wounded’. She’ll take it.

Melaina tries Hideous Laughter. “Bazinga.” It fails its save, yay! It falls prone, and incapacitated. We have a choice here - we can cut and run or marmalise it. She rolls to see which way it falls - it collapses on bear-Tarragon, who is trapped underneath it and takes 9 damage.

Kessler makes a death save and rolls a 7 - a fail.

Brother Carl tries to get out of the stuff again. (Maybe he and Popcorn should babysit each other.) He rolls a 4.

Brother Charity is up next. He takes a risk and uses a bonus action to use his healer’s kit. He has to roll 13 or more - and gets a 24. (He injects himself with adrenaline. “I’M ALIVE!!!!”) He Cure Woundses the living shit out of Kessler with a fourteen and shlblgheghldsdllghhs the Flesh Ripper with a Nat 20! Stunning blow - Max damage and the target must make a DC14 Con save or be stunned. (If this fails, it’s back on its feet as it has saved from the Hideous Laughter now.) He lucks out - the Ripper rolls a 7 and is stunned!

It misses its turn as it’s stunned. (It automatically fails saving throws now.) Boom for big fireball damage from Gideon - but no, it only takes 21 fire damage.

Ahleqs is up. “Okay. Um. Do I have to climb out?” (of the bone rubble). Yes, a DC10 DEX check to get out. “It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine, check this out. Yay! Just enough.” He rolls an 11. He stands behind Charity and casts Burning Hands at level 2 for 14 fire damage. It looks a bit bloodied. Huh. Ahleqs gets a nosebleed and takes a few steps back.

Primara is up next. She comes up to Tarragon and does a Healing Touch to give her 11 HP back, and then Shimmering Shield again, and darts back out of range. Me, OOC: “Thank you, I say in Bear.”

Bear-Tarragon does another multi-attack - one hits the other misses, doing ten damage total.

Melaina takes aim with her bow, with encouragement from Goose. 28 damage! (Sophie, OOC: “That’s actually pretty disappointing damage.”)

Kessler is next. She gets up and clicks her neck. She goes right for the groin with her Thunder Gauntlets, 18 to hit and 6 Thunder damage. The second below the belt shot is only a ten so it misses. She dodges around it and disengages as her bonus action.

What does Brother Carl want to do? Splash around in the water? Play with a rubber duck? He decides to try the plank to help himself get out and rolls an 8 STR check. He punches the wall. DM is feeling charitable; he can make a DEX check as well if he likes. Nat 20! He basically levitates out of the water. Ahleqs holds up a little placard with ‘9.5’ on it.

Brother Charity is up. “Ohhhhh balls.” He sighs and does shillebblhlghsfflgjhheh. “Twelvesies?” That’s a miss. “I gently pat him on the shin.” Bonus action - healing potion. Wise. He regains 5HP.

It does the whirlwind again - Tarragon is gnomed and knocked out, and Charity also goes down. The flesh ripper crawls over him to get to the others.

It then hits Brother Carl with a 30 and a 19 - 49 slashing damage total. He goes down, no duh.

Gideon is next, and he casts Haste on Melaina. More speed, AC, DEX and attacks. Woo! He’s basically turned her into a superhero.

Kessler: “Or a super villain.”

Melaina hurriedly: “Shut up…”

Ahleqs is up. He doesn’t need to be in melee with it so that Melaina gets advantage, right? Cool, then he will cast Misty Step and not needlessly throw his life away. For his action he can do a cantrip, so he does Eldritch Blast and uses ToC. “Is that a good idea…?”

Chorus of “Do it do it do it.” Big money, no whammies. Two hits! 7 damage, plus 3. ten total, and he rolls on the old chart. 51: A spectral shield hovers near him for the next minute, granting him +2 to AC and immunity to Magic Missile attacks. He’s protected from Kessler if she goes more rogue than usual, sweet.

Primara moves forward to gently nuzzle Tarragon and brings her back with 11HP. She gives her a quizzical look, and says “teleport?” in her head in Elvish. Tarragon is good in here, but thanks. She politely declines and prepares to do some more battering.

She casts Greater Shilldhbbblhlshggewehh, and hits with a 21 for just 9 damage. “What? This spell is BALLS!” (In addition to the ‘DM win’ button, Joe apparently has an ‘offer false hope’ button.)

Melaina rolls to hide with a 23. “Hidden?” Yes. She shoots twice; thanks Ed. She misses twice. “Sorry, Gideon, I’m wasting my gift.”

Kessler is going to - let’s see… Magic Missile…? Would need to cast it at level 2… That would be four darts… (Ahleqs from the back, sounding pleased: “I’m immune to that.”) No, she thinks her crossbow will do more damage, so she takes aim once at each head. the first misses, as does the second. Bonus action she drinks a GHP.

(Matthew OOC: “Can I just point out that Magic Missile would have hit four times.”)

Brother Carl makes a death save, and passes with a 14. Charity rolls a death save and passes. He gets HP back… It’s a thing he can do. Hmmm.

He is still under the flesh ripper though. He casts Vampiric Touch on it. Can’t miss, as his face is pressed against its undercarriage. Can he have ADV on the roll? Yeah, okay. Oh, apparently he can miss.

Tarragon and Kessler see, to our horror, the wounds on the hide of the thing start to knit back together.

Tarragon: “Ah, fuck.”

Kessler: “That ain’t right.”

It turns around and does the whirlwind thing again; Tarragon goes down. It crawls over her and attempts to eat Primara. It attacks with a 22 and does 14 slashing damage, then attacks again with a 30 for 19 damage. Then attacks AGAIN with a 22. Then it bites her with a 23 and does 10 piercing and 2 poison damage.

Primara casts Heal Self - phew! Then she teleports herself and Tarragon out of there. Gideon’s turn.

He can see the flesh ripper’s weird grey bits, so he has line of sight. He doesn’t have an awful lot of time for this creature so he burns it again, hoping that the burning prevents the regeneration. DEX save! He is running out of spell slots though. It rolls a 19 - “Ah, that bitch!” It’s still engulfed in flame though. He might have a scroll here somewhere… He has invincib - no, invisibility. (Invincibility would be pretty fuckin’ useful.)

Gideon may cut and run, it depends how the rest of this goes. For the time being, he will hang around. How generous. “Use fire!” he directs us all.

Ahleqs spends some time calculating distance before casting Eldritch Blast with ToC. He rolls a dirty 20 and a 17 for 8 total Force damage. “That’s a small number!” Creatures have Disadvantage on saves versus his next spell for a minute. That’s good.

Now comes the sad moment where we see the unicorn removed from the turn order, probably. She has a legendary action and uses it to heal herself. So not dead just yet, but she can’t do much else this turn.

Tarragon passes a death save. “Yeah. Winning at life.”

Melaina has been watching the ripper with her beady little peepers. (Ed returns from somewhere. “Is it dead? Did we win?”) Can she hide, on the basis that she can see it but it can’t see her? Yes, so she rolls a 27. She is hidden! She shoots with a 21 for 27 damage, and takes her second attack. She risks using Sharpshooter again, but misses. She has extra movement from the Haste spell, so she uses it to step over Brother Carl’s body and move a little further away from the Flesh Ripper.

Kessler rolls a death save - an 18.

Brother Carl rolls a death save - a 2, so a fail.

Charity rolls a death save - a 5, so another fail.

The Flesh Ripper takes a turn, and uses it to do whirlwind of claws against Ahleqs and Gideon. Even if he passes, Ahleqs is going down. Oh, also Melaina gets to roll versus this attack as well, Joe says. Gideon, predictably, fails the save. Less predictably, he is still up after the attack. Melaina makes the save so she only takes 22 damage. Only! No wait - she has Evasion. No wait, no she doesn’t, we’re only level 6. She has Uncanny Dodge though, so she takes quarter damage, so 11. “No thank you! Not today!”

It’s still got four attacks. Aw, fuck.

It bites Gideon. “That modifier is monstrous, I hate it.” He goes down. “I should have run away, no!!! Oh, what a horrible place to die!”

Melaina is the last one standing.We could legitimately be looking at a TPK, here...

At least our bones will all lay together.

The only thing Primara can do is resurrect us if we die, and she can only do that once; she darts away and tries to hide so she can emerge and save us if we actually die.

Gideon rolls a death save (ten - pass), as does Ahleqs (also a ten). Then Tarragon (18).

Wait - Gideon’s Haste spell in Concentration. When he goes down it drops. Ed, reading the spell description for the first time - “oh no! Oh fuck! Ohhhh…” In his defence, he wasn’t expecting to get mullered in one round.

Melaina can’t move on her turn now, or take actions until her next turn because the Haste has dropped. Can she go limp and slide into the water like an octopus? The DM - very generously - lets her take a bonus action to hide. “I can feel a natural 1 coming on…” She rolls a 14 total - the thing’s Passive Perception is 12, so she is hidden. Skin of our knickers.

Kessler makes her next death save with a 17. The Brothers also make saves; Carl rolls an 8 and Charity a 19. Ahleqs rolls a death save and gets a 9 - a fail.

Ed, OOC: “We can salvage this!”

Primara has a go at Entangling the flesh ripper; she thinks it’s probably pointless to try, but it rolls a 13 to save versus the spell and is entangled! Yay!

Tarragon fails her next death save. Melaina is up. Can she get past it? She can dash as a bonus action… She shoots at it while hidden first, using her ‘everything-I’ve-got’ button. 18 hits, but she only gets 27 damage. DM tells us not to run - we are SO CLOSE to killing it. Melaina runs to join Primara, whose space she can share because the unicorn is Tiny.

Kessler makes her death save and stabilises. Brother Carl rolls a nat 1 - and dies.

Fuck.

Brother Charity rolls a success on his save with an 11. The Flesh Ripper tries to break free of the Entangle - and fails! Yay! It regenerates some HP though.

Gideon makes a death save - and gets a 19. He’s closer to being alive than dead - but in a death save sense, not a general sense. Ahleqs rolls a ten - another success.

Ed realises he missed a death save, and rolls it now - he succeeds, and Gideon stabilises. Yay! That was a good decision.

Primara is up. Joe checks some spells… She can’t do anything to help so she stays put. Tarragon fails a death save. (Next turn, either way...)

Melaina sneaks to the door and hides, and shoots - but misses with a ten. She recedes back like a turtle into her cave.

Kessler stabilises.

Brother Carl is dead, so Brother Charity rolls a save and he stabilises too. Phew.

Flesh Ripper goes next, and tries to break free but is still Entangled! Here’s our Hail Mary.

Ahleqs rolls another death save - and succeeds, stabilising. “In a number of hours, I can crawl my horrid carcass…”

Tarragon fails her last death save - and dies.

Fuck.

Melaina rolls a 13 to hide. She shoots with an 18 and hits, for 28 damage - how-de-do-dis!

The arrow goes into one of its’ horrible heads, which looks at the other head and goes “what the fuck!” And it dies. Joe plays some horrible audio. Final Fantasy Fanfare!

Primara comes out and says she has the power to bring one of us back - but only one. They have to choose - Brother Carl, or Tarragon.

Gideon thinks it’s not a hard choice. Melaina doesn’t want to say it too quickly.

They wait an hour while Primara goes about raising Tarragon from the dead, by casting the spell Raise Dead. Some of the others regain consciousness over the course of the hour. There are no more monsters around, so we can take a rest if we want.

We very much do want.

On the plus side, we can level up - yay!

#dnd #thetradeway #campaign diary #character death

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sconeboi · 7 years ago

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don’t slip away

part 1

part 2

part 3

AU where Simon went to go looking for Baz and found him with the numpties, only to get captured and thrown into the coffin with him

(the fluffiest fluff comes in parts 2 & 3)

part 1 length: 0.8k

type: angst & fluff

warnings: mention of blood and death

BAZ

And as I feel myself slipping away, I hold on to the one thing I’m always sure of.

Blue eyes.

Bronze curls.

The fact that Simon Snow is the most powerful magician alive. That nothing can hurt him, not even me.

That Simon Snow is alive.

And I’m hopelessly in love with—

All of a sudden a small (but large enough to wake me) amount of light streams through the coffin, and I look up to see the lid rising completely off.

Fiona. Please let it be Fiona.

Instead another body is thrown in forcefully, right on top of me. A numpty grunts and slams the lid back on.

The body on top of me yelps, an all too familiar sound I know.

“IS THIS A DEAD BODY, YOU FUCKING TROLLS—” He puts his hand on my forehead and feels the coldness resonate. “AHHH, FUCK, IT IS!”

“Snow, it’s me.”

Simon Snow screams again and thrusts his head onto the lid of the coffin, immediately falling back down and groaning, rubbing the back of his head.

“BAZ!” he yells suddenly as rolls off of me, crashing into the side of the coffin.

“Here, let me scoot over…” I say calmly.

“Holy fuck, Baz. I thought you were a—”

“Yes, I know, I was right there.”

Snow settles in right beside me so that we’re pressed together both on our backs, shoulder to shoulder.

I can’t see his blue eyes or his bronze curls. It’s pitch black, so much so that even with my night-vision it’s hard to see his outline.

“Why are you here?” I ask tiredly. It seems to come out snarly, and I regret opening my mouth almost instantly.

“I was…” Snow begins, stuttering a bit. “I was looking for you. I was worried you were…involved in a scheme or something. So the Mage let me leave Watford since he didn’t think it was safe, and instead of catching a bus to the safe-house he found for me, I started searching.”

I snort. “Well, surprise. I’m not plotting, I’m kidnapped. By fucking numpties.” I pause. “How did you even find me?”

“Penny enchanted your pillowcase with Finder’s keepers and it lead me straight here. But then the numpties grabbed me and before I could get out my sword they poured something they called ‘humpty dumpty juice’ down my throat. Now it feels like the Humdrum is…like…inside me.”

I smirked. “They did the same to me. Even if I tried to do wandless magic, I can’t even light the match.”

“Light…the match?” Snow repeated, confused.

“It’s how I draw up my magic. I think about lighting a match. I’ve told you this before, you bloke,” I tell him.

“Oh. Right.”

After about a minute, Snow lifts his feet up and pushes them onto the coffin lid. He keeps pushing and kicking until I finally reach over and put my hand over his chest to stop him.

“It’s not going to work. They put big stones on the top to keep us in.”

“Well, can’t I at least try?”

I sigh and take my hand off his chest. “You’re powerless now, Snow. Human strength isn’t going to do anything.”

We both go silent. After a little while Snow finally says something.

“So, you’ve been here, like, the whole time?”

I nod, but then realize he can’t even see me.

“Yes.”

A slight “Merlin” slips out of Snow’s mouth in a whisper. “How do they even…you know…feed you?”

“I’m brought water and animals.” Fuck. That might give me away. “Y-you know, for…food…eating.”

“You’re forced to eat dead animals?” Snow exclaims.

“Crowley, Snow, with that amount of surprise I’d say you’re vegan.”

“I’m not. You’ve literally seen me eat roast beef. Besides, you probably need the blood anyway.” He notices my silence. “You know, with all of the vampire stuff.”

“Do you honest to god still believe that? The assumption you’ve had since you were 12?”

“Wholeheartedly. Just need you to suck the blood out of a rat in here for my theory to be true. Penny says vampires can’t go over a week without sucking blood or they wither away.”

I think about telling him right then and there. What’s he going to do? It’s our last (optional) year at Watford, and the worst thing that would happen would be expulsion. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Mage already knows secretly, anyways.

But then again, after I told him, there would be absolutely zero chance of Simon Snow ever loving a monster. And a monster with the Pitch family name. I could have .01% where I stand now.

I guess that’s an issue for tomorrow, when I’ll probably need to feed.

I thought I wasn’t going to last until then. I thought today was my last day. I could finally just…just slip away. Practically no one would care if I was gone.

But then Simon bloody Snow had to come along to give me hope.

Continue on part 2 here

#carry on #rainbow rowell #snowbaz #fanfiction #snowbaz fanfiction #simon snow #baz pitch #fic

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clubpenguinkiller · 7 years ago

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all my copypastas up to date

Copypastas You don’t have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off. And while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the baby’s soft cartilage head into something a little more modern. It might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but let’s see where the dog is going with this. somebody once trolled me, successfully rickroll’d me im not the sharpest n00b in the thread… just took another one of my signature “dust baths” it’s like a regular bath only i roll around in a bunch of dust and sand and start screaming when it gets in my mouth and eyes. anyway don’t trust the government Oh, purple-moustached clever Waluigi. Thou art such a genius when it is thy time to attack Mario and Luigi! How thou attach springs to thy shoes, know I not! Why dost thou not have thy own video fame? Art thou enraged that thou dost not have one? Why dost thou fight the Mario brothers? Thou art negative and wicked when shooting fireballs at thy green plumber, thy foe! Why art thou always cranky? Art thy purple knickers in a knot? Perchance Alvin Earthworm annoyed thou with his Youtube video. Why art thou so tall and slim? Perchance a Power Flower fell in you mouth when thou wast a baby. Why dost thou wear a purple suit? I like thy violet outfit for its unique hue. Shouldst thy brother Wario and thou fight so repeatedly? Is Bowser the Dragon-turtle you fiendish companion? I dost wonder what it wouldst be like to be friends with Bowser and thou. Dost thou own the Vicious Petey Piranha Flower? Dost thou like the kind Princess Peach? If thou couldst own a Yoshi wouldst thou? Thou art so sly and crafty our slippery Waluigi. Dost thou fight Geno the Explorer dangerously? Why art thou not in Super Smash Bros Brawl? Perchance thou art sad for being excluded from that rough game. Why art thou so nimble when thou escape the police? Thy symbol is an upside down L. Oh, thou art sneaky, secretive and tricky, mine own Waluigi! Ohhh my god. Ohhh ,y god. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh THERE IT IS THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS. OH MY GOD. EAYEAYEYAYEAHEYAHEY EYAEAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAAAAAS. I FOOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. I FOUND IT. YEAH. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I FOUNDI IT FINALLY!!!!! YEAH!!!!! OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD I FINALLY FOUND IT. OH MY GODO. HOH MY GOD. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. TAKE A LOOK AT HTIS EVERBODY. A LIVE SHINY PONYTA IN MY LEAF GREEN VERSION. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. I FINALLY GOT IT. OH MY GOD my heart is beating 100 miles per hour. i was listening to my favorite band once again. Sum 41. No Reason. Live in Ontario 2005. after 25968 encounters I HAVE FINALLY GOT IT OH My god corre al gol, lo va a patear yyyy GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOoOoOoOoOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL GOL!!!!!……QUE GOLAZOOOOO!!!! *churns butter very quickly I hope my last words are "see you in hell" spoken to my grandchildren at age 99 right before I cut out my tongue and live another 401 years 私は究極のミームだ I love everything about you Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum. stuffing your face as usual. I gotta have a good meal Garfield, you fat cat. You are so big and fat. Why are you so fat? I eat, Jon. it’s what I do it’s time to kick odie of the table dont do it garfielf, that’s our pet dog odie you’re going into orbit, you stupid mutt GAAAAARRRFIIIELD!!! time for a nap. I’m a cat who loves to snooze (echoing) garfield you lazy cat I hate alram clocks I’m am hungry I want some lasaga you’re eating us out of house and home, GARMFIELD enough with The Chit Chat let’s get some grub going GRUB TIME… where Are the 3-cheese pizzas I ate those food where Are the tacos shells ? I ate those food where did all the hamburger helper go *brup* You’re such a bad kitty that’s it I’ve had it with you that does it I’m done that’s the last straw grarfileld Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow [Chorus:] Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait 'til you get older But the media men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. [Chorus 2x] Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow. [Chorus] And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uU_eaXsPxOY "You'll never stop me!" I shout, running away. My body transforms into a small bee, and as I fly off, I turn around and shout, "You can't stop me! No one can stop me!!" I hit a glass door and fall to the floor. As I lay there, withering in pain as my small bee body dies a slow death, I whisper, "But I never said nothing could stop me." My body looses all movement as my lifeless corpse lays on the cold floor. A single tear runs down your cheek as you whisper, "Godspeed, honey man." HAPPY fourth of July! Hello! My name is Jeremy Frederick Wilson, but you can just call me… Bombittyboo! I know, yet again, I have not been dedicating, enough time to my vlog. However, today, I’ve created a new interpretive dance and poem routine! I hope this is the climax, the outcome, of all my creative juices, since my last interpretive dancing vide which was from over a year ago. Well anyway, this poem is in the format of an english sonet. I hope you really like it, and I hope you like it as much as me. Again, HAPPY fourth of July! I hope you all celebrate it carefully, and wisely! Well, here goes nothing! I hope you enjoy it! Oh so, so many years before today, our founding fathers with their many signatures, sculpted the greatest nation, as some say, one that too this day, still grows, and matures. This, our home. This, our country that we love. That we still celebrate, July fourth. The men who made us completely free of… British tyranny. Which reined south and north. Free from this! We join together in bliss. To honor all those, who came before us. But we do not just sit and reminisce. We look to the future, as we discuss. The bright prospects of our nation so dear. Which much proceed with strength, and lacking fear. Hey guys its Sam hi here with more tips for your everyday life, helping you out, bringing you wisdom. Hey im 27 I’ve been there I’ve done that I’ve been around the block. This next tip has to do with relationships. Love, romance, whatever you wanna call it. I’m gonna give you a surefire way to get her, your special someone, wrapped around your little finger. I mean they’re gonna be just.. Ooohh thinking about you all day. Here’s how you do it. You have to awaken the motherly instinct. You have to get your sweetie, your sweetie pie, to awaken her biological, uh, genetic motherly instinct. and it’s very easy to do. I’m gonna show you how to do it. Kay? You ready? Here we go. (gets on hands and knees) Mommy! Mommy! (smacking lips)Baby Sammy want milk! (slurping) Gimme milky! Mommy! Mooommy! Mommy mommy!! Mom! Mommy! Mommy Sammy want milk! (slurping) Baby Sammy hungry! Baby Sammy Hungry!! I want milk!! WAAAAAAH!! Gimme milky! Gimme milky! Gimme milk! Wah wah wah!! Baby want milky! Here comes the baby! Baby Sammy hungry! (crawling) Baby Sammy want milky! (approaching) Gimme milky!! Gimmy milk! Here I come! I want milk!! GIMME TIT MILK! GIMME TIT MILK!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK!!! BABY SAMMY WANT TIT MILK NOW! GIMME THE TIT MILK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯＯ I came here to have a good time but I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now. It’s a metaphor, see? You crave that mineral, but you don’t give it the power to have an extra hour with the ball pit. Oh sad frog, if only there was someone out there who loved you, but my anaconda don’t noot noot unless you talk dirty to me and make me squart across the room. Even if the girl kissed the boy, your fave is problematic – John Green is the zodiac killer, Luigi is giving the death stare, and it’s actually blood orange. Free him! Not all starter kits are for stealing her look, but sometimes you have to eat Lay’s chips during peach time and submerge unnecessary color palettes in bluespace, covering them in text posts for the aesthetic. I told my bae to come over because my parents aren’t home, but girls don’t like boys, they like the selfie olympics. the way they just [clenches fist] olympic all those selfies. According to the science side, “The average skeleton fights in war for 31 days” very factoid, much statistical error. The average skeleton fights in war for 0 days. Skeleton Georg, who uses tumblr pro, wears a fedora, and has fought in the skeleton war for all eternity, is an outlier and should not have been counted. You’ll never see the last meme of 2014 the way Garcia Lopez de Cardenas saw it, but that’s none of my business. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall. [Muffled Flappy Bird Music Plays in the Distance] neopets is honestly a horrifying and disturbing look into the faults of late capitalism and the unfettered exploitation inevitable in unregulated economic systems like first you have the ridiculous inflation rate caused by the ease of which you can generate new neopoints. it’s like the post-WWI germany thing—if you keep printing money, it loses its value. similarly, as people play games, play habitarium, use the stock market, (basically any way of earning neopoints that doesn’t involve rsing from the NPC shops) they’re not actually exchanging currency cyclically like economies rely on—they’re just making it out of thin air. 10,000 neopoints today was 1,000 neopoints a few years ago. even avatar items that have been around for a while have soared from 300k to 3 mil. inflation is further worsened by a few things. one is that there are very few neopoint sinks (only notable examples are the main shops, wishing well, paid dailies, and slots) and only ONE that works even remotely efficiently. they had the save the wheels neopoint sink a few years ago to try to combat the problem, which only fucked things up worse. in order to incite people to sink their neopoints, they offered prizes to people who donated a lot. but the prizes themselves, both during the event and after, just encouraged people to generate more neopoints to donate and get prizes. it’s also awful because kids don’t play neopets anymore. in a capitalist system there’s always relative poverty, but the poor are disappearing. do you want to play a game where anything worth doing costs more than you could ever dream of earning? how is an 8 year old going to learn how to restock draik eggs? poverty in neopia is earning, like, 33k a day, and richness is incomprehensibly huge. we’re talking billions, trillions. wealth disparity is huge with no regulatory system helping out the lowest tier, and the rich get richer with bigger interest, bigger stocks, and more wiggle room with auction sniping the supply/demand is so integral to everything you do, buy, or take part in. you have things like codestones that generally stay constant (in the 3-7k range, with some inflating 20-40% around war time when people are training more because hello demand!) and things like junk items that you think could NEVER inflate because the supply is so high suddenly inflating 1,000,000% or more in a day due to a site event. and the staff actually have NO IDEA how to fix it. save the wheels? fucked up. portal plot? hilarious. there are rules against hoarding items just to raise the price, but how do you control that? bread costs less than rotten tomato salads. if you earn 16k a day (about average if you’re casual) it would take you 59 years to save up for a dark faerie wand. hell will eventually be sucked into the vortex of neopets.com and we will all despair and i will be richer than all of you In ancient Greek mythology, Pygmalion was a highly accomplished Cypriot sculptor. Though skilled at imitating the human form, and well acquainted with it's subtleties, he became disgusted by it when he witnessed the Propoetides prostituting themselves. These women were punished by Venus for their lack of worship with a coarseness of skin and a crudeness of nature, and were then forced into prostitution. Seeing this, Pygmalion the sculptor was repelled and could no longer appreciate women. Seemingly alone, Pygmalion sought to create for himself a perfect, pure, unsullied companion. He used his particular skills to this end: he created a statue bride. What you are about to watch is a mysterious video. It's origin is attributed variously, and almost certainly spuriously, to various abstract artists or surrealists. The truth is that what we are seeing, and what we perceive to be strange and disturbing, is actually beauty to it's creator. Perhaps what we are viewing is the work of a modern Pygmalion. To him, her toneless voice, the paleness of her skin and the comparative vibrancy of her lips may indeed be the very embodiment of a perfect woman... Consider the mind-scape of the creator. In whose mind does this appear beautiful? In whose mind is this pure, near worshipful? Are we missing out on his perspective? Who are we to be afraid or to judge them? He may well love her fully, perhaps more fully than any of us could ever hope to be loved. In the mind of her creator, she is a near goddess; the perfect representation, not just of femininity, but the peak of human potential. A perfectly satisfactory being. How does that kind of unconditional love feel? Well, how does she feel? Fantastic. The "Swing Daddy" of the piano, Artie Antlers was one of the early cabaret characters at Pizza Time Theatre. Artie sang with a deep soulful voice, and his style of music ranged from boogie-woogie, to swing, to early Rock and Roll. He often referred to himself as "moose-ical" and also played up the moose theme by making quotes such as "this Moose is loose". Artie was used in the early 1980s, and was the final culmination of the characters of Elkton John and Glen Camel who were mentioned in the original 1977 PTT Program but never put into production. He was originally announced in 19793, and debuted during the first half of 1980. He originally appeared at three of the earliest Pizza Time Theatre locaions - San Jose (Kooser), Concord, and Sacramento, replacing Dolli Dimples in the Cabaret (then known as the Piano Bar Lounge). Artie Antlers was voiced by Jim Cunningham, a jazz artist whose band "The High Time Octet" had been written up in national papers. Jim was hired by the ad agency of Foote, Cone & Belding and flown from Denton, TX to do the recording at Wally Heider Studios in San Francisco. The piano player on the tracks was a man who played for the Pointer Sisters, and the entire recording session happpened over the course of only four days. Artie dressed in a flashy blue tux, and originally had a black nose which was later removed. Mechanically, Artie was identical to Dolli Dimples (minus the breast movement) – the duo can be seen together at the factory here. Shortly after his introduction, Artie required a retrofit for his antlers which were originally made of wood and broke easily. A styrofoam version was created that was more durable and did not break from the characters movements. During the very early 1980s, Artie was used widely on PTT merchandise, appearing in print on items such as calendars and annual reports. He was also featured on items such as the “Chuck E. Cheese Cube” and other redemption items. Despite his prominent exposure and usage, Artie was never given a second showtape - in 1982 when Dolli Dimples was renewed for a second tape, a new character was introduced named B.B. Bubbles instead of new material for Artie. Aspects of Artie Antlers were used in ideas for new retrofits, such as a Davy Crockett style retrofit for Artie, and a lumberjack character retrofit for The King, however neither materialized past the concept art stage. sweetie, you are literally so out of line it’s fucking unbelievable. i could drag you so hard right now but i know you’ll just end up crying. i’ve roasted you before and you know it. chances are you’ll just say i bullied you because you’re gay and have different skin. talk shit get hit, you don’t wanna mess with me kiddo; i’ve got a black belt. i know threats are fucked up but that’s all i’ve been receiving all day, probably from her royal hoodrat olive and all of her nasty friends. but you can gang up on me and make fun of me for being goth all you want. i’ve been hurt a lot. my first boyfriend cheated on me, my dad screams if i forget to do my chores, and there are some days i don’t even want to get out of bed in the mornings. i’m a jaded teenage girl. i’ve been through shit that you wouldn’t even dream of. you think your life is hard? try asking the cutest guy in your grade out in the middle of the cafeteria only to find out he has a fucking girlfriend. you don’t know my life or my story so keep my name out of your nasty mouth. life is a battlefield and it looks like i’ve already won. i’m a jaded teenage girl👸. i’ve been through shit💩that you wouldn’t even dream☁️🌜 of. you think💭 your life is hard?😁😣👿 try asking💬❓ the cutest😙😻 guy👱in your grade👦👱👧👩👸👲 out in the middle of the cafeteria🍔🍟🍕 only to find out😨 he has a fucking girlfriend👫💏💔. you don’t👎 know my life or my story📖📚 so keep my name👸 out of your nasty mouth👅💩. life is a battlefield💣🔫🔪 and it looks👀 like i’ve already won👌 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my selｆ 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit I AM GAY! GAY! GAY! I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. I’M A SUPER SUPER GAY I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. Now once again, I would like to make this very clear. I AM GAY! GAY! GAY! I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. I’M A SUPER SUPER GAY I LOVE LONG BIG COCKS. Thank you for your attention and I hope for your support. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanama….Hana, Hana, Hanamura. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanama….Hana, Hana, Hanamura. Teru! Teru! Teruteru! Hana…Hanamura! Hanamura! Hanamura! He’s a cook. He’s a cooooook. He’s a cook, cook, cook. Hanamura! Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Teru. Teru. Teruteru! Teru. Teru. He’s the cook. He’s the cook at the Super High School Level. Cook! Cook! He’s a cook. Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! It’s Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hanamura! Hanamura! High School Level Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! Cook! He’s kinda plump, plump and round. Flirts with everyone. (guys and girls) (guys and girls) (guys and girls) He flirts with them all. Flirts with them all. And he loves his mom! Mom! Mom, happy mommy’s day. Teru! Teruteru! Teru! Teruteru! Hanamura! Hanamura! He’s Super High School Level Cook! He’s the cook at Dangan Ronpa! Super Dangan Ronpa 2! Goodbye, goodbye, despair academy! Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye to despair! Des-des-despair academy! Academy on a tropical island. On a tropical island. Trop-trop-tropical island of hope and despair! Hope and despair, it’s Teruteru Hanamura. Hanamura. The cook at Super High School Level! Cook, cook, calls himself a chef. Cook, cook, calls himself a chef. At the highschool, at the highschool, super highschool, super highschool. Super Dangan Ronpa 2! 2! 2! 2! 2! It’s Teruteru Hanamura! Hanamura, he’s a cook. He’s a chef. He’s a cook who calls himself a chef. Chef, at the Super Highschool Level. Level! Level! Level! It’s Teruteru, Teruteru, Hanamuru. Teratera Hanamuru. He’s the cook, the cook, at the Super Highschool, Super Highschool, Super Highschool. I'M WITH STUPID (TRANSCRIPT) SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick's houses are seen. Patrick's house is shaking. SpongeBob knocks on it. Every time he does it closes. He opens it himself. Patrick is cleaning frantically. He featherdusts SpongeBob] Patrick: NEED...FURNITURE! [makes a lamp post model out of the sand; he then makes a sand drawer, television, stool, and a couch. The whole time he is still frantically mumbling] SpongeBob: Patrick, what's with the home improvement? [Patrick barks like a dog and continues to clean]Hey, Patrick! Patrick: Oooooooh, sweep sweep!! SpongeBob: Patrick, I came over to see if you wanted to go jellyfishing. But I can see you're busy having an episode. Patrick: [Stops cleaning. his face turns mad] You know something, SpongeBob? It's just all fun and games for you. Nothing really matters. [imitates SpongeBob] "Oh, let's go jellyfishing! We don't have any work to do! Life is just a big bowl of fancy assorted cashews, and nobody has anything to dust or to clean or to wipe! Or fabricate!!!" SpongeBob: But, Patrick, the only thing I've ever seen you clean is your plate. Patrick: [Patrick snaps out of being angry and starts crying] I don't know what to do, SpongeBob. You gotta to help me! SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick! You forgot how to eat again! Come on, we'll get the funnel. Patrick: No, it's not that, SpongeBob; it's worse. SpongeBob: Darn, I like the funnel. Well, what is it, then? Patrick: Look! [Takes out a rolled-up piece of paper from his belly button] SpongeBob: Hey, a note! [A sixteenth note is shown] Patrick: Yeah, but turn it over, there's a letter! [The letter B is shown] SpongeBob: You're right! Patrick: And, I got this message from my parents! [Hands out a smaller letter] SpongeBob: Your parents? [Reads the note out loud] "Dear Patrick, your mom and I are coming out tomorrow for Starfish Day. Please try to remember, but don't try too hard, or you'll hurt yourself like last time. Love, Daddy". Patrick: SpongeBob, my parents think I'm dumber than a sack of diapers. SpongeBob: No, they don't, Patrick. Parents just like to push your buttons. Like this! [pushes Patrick's nipples and his eyes elongate]Nauuugh! Patrick: [Laughing] That always cheers me up. [His eyes go back to normal] But not today. SpongeBob: Patrick, if your parents think you're dumb, then they must not know what dumb really is. Patrick: But don't they watch television? SpongeBob: That's what I'm saying, Pat! If your parents got to meet a real dummy, they'd realize what a genius you really are! Patrick: But don't geniuses live in a lamp? And besides, we don't know any dumb people. SpongeBob: Don't worry, Patrick! I'll be the dummy! When your parents see how dumb I act, they'll think you're the smartest guy ever! Patrick: Math is power! [Bubble transition to the next day. Patrick is in front of his mirror] Patrick: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... [Doorbell rings] Oh! H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O...! Janet: Should I get the bullhorn again, Marty? Patrick: W, X, Y and Z! [Marty doesn't realize the door has been opened and knocks on Patrick's head] Hi Mom, Hi Dad. Marty: Son! You recognized us this time! Patrick: Why wouldn't I recognize my own parents? Marty: You never were a bright one. [Patrick groans. Marty laughs] Well, aren't you gonna show us inside? Janet: He probably forgot where it is. Patrick: Well I know where it... Marty: Oh, let me lead the way so we don't get lost. [Patrick, Marty and Janet hold hands] Huh? Hold hands now! [Inside the house] Ok, we're almost there! Let go on three. One...two...three! [Marty and Janet let go of Patrick's hands on three] Janet: Good job! Marty and Janet: Pats for Patrick! [Both laugh as Patrick looks annoyed] Patrick: I'll go get the beverages. [Patrick leaves, then comes back with a tray with three drinks on it] Marty: Wow, son! You put the drinks in something this time! Ah, son, you must've been working all night to put these together for us. Janet and Marty: We love you! [Both kiss Patrick as he looks even more annoyed and groans] Patrick: [Doorbell rings] Hooray, the idiot's here! I mean, I'll get it! [Outside, SpongeBob is putting on his karate helmet] SpongeBob: Protective helmet, check. Gary: Meow. SpongeBob: I'm supposed to look stupid, Gary! Gary: Meow? [Goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob: What could go wrong? [Patrick's rock opens] Patrick: What a surprise! SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor, SpongeBob! SpongeBob: Hi. Marty: Hello there! Janet: How do you do? SpongeBob: Hi. [Walks to Patrick's parents] Marty: Put 'er there. [SpongeBob puts a doll on his hand] Doll: Mama! Mama! Patrick: He means "shake". [SpongeBob shakes his entire body]No, SpongeBob, no! Shake hands! [SpongeBob shakes both his hands]No, SpongeBob! Grab my dad's hand. [Puts both his hands and his left leg on Marty's hand] Grab it with only one hand! [Puts his left leg and hand down] Good boy! Now move your arm up and down! [He moves his shoulder up and down. Patrick giggles] Janet: So, SpongeBob. Do you live nearby? SpongeBob: Hi. Patrick: No, SpongeBob. Show them your house! [SpongeBob pulls up his pants and reveals a blouse]No, not your blouse! Your house! [SpongeBob screams and runs over to his house. He runs into the shell and gets stuck] Janet: He lives in a fruit? Marty: That's unhealthy. Patrick: [Giggling] Hey, SpongeBob! You wanna stay for dinner? [SpongeBob babbles like an idiot. Later, Patrick, Marty and Janet are watching television while eating TV dinners] Marty: Does he always do that after he eats? Patrick: Only on Wednesday. [Pan over to SpongeBob pushing his nose to reveal his underwear. When he lets go, his pants pull up by themselves. This is repeated a few times. SpongeBob makes an alarm sound after that. Patrick giggles] Marty: [Starts giggling with Patrick]Uh, Patrick, I think your friend might be broken. Patrick: Yeah. And it would take more than some masking tape to fix that guy. [SpongeBob balances on his nose while making a fire truck siren sound. Makes other various sounds] Marty: Whoa! Is he gonna be okay? Patrick: Oh, that's nothing. [Dolphin chirping] You should see him in the morning prancing around yelling "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm rea!" [Rooster crows] He drives all the neighbors crazy! [Horn] Why, just the other day, our neighbor Squidward was--- [SpongeBob jumps backwards over Patrick, Janet and Marty while making an elephant trumpet sound, then he crashes on the floor]. ---was really no help for him. [SpongeBob makes imprints of himself on the walls while making horn sounds] I mean, look at the way he's dressed. Only somebody with holes drilled in their head would wear that stuff! And how about his shape! I mean, I've heard of barrel-chested, but never box-chested! [Janet, Marty and Patrick laugh. SpongeBob frowns]Hey, SpongeBob do you have any mascara I could borrow? [Makes his eyebrows sound like elastic rubber bands] Marty: [Chuckles] The boy wears make-up? Janet: What a card! [Everyone laughs, except SpongeBob, who's now very annoyed] SpongeBob: [Confused] Hey, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick: Aw, he said my name. Marty: Wow, how'd you train him to do that? [SpongeBob is mad. He bites Patrick's finger] Patrick: Ow! He bit me! SpongeBob: Patrick, meet me in the kitchen! Patrick: Oh, I guess the dummy wants to have a private conversation. [Janet and Marty laugh] A dumb one! [They laugh again, as SpongeBob and Patrick enter the kitchen] So, what's on your mind? Oh, wait, I already know the answer. Nothing! [Patrick laughs very hard] See, that's funny. 'Cause your dumb! SpongeBob: Patrick, could you let up on the insults just a little bit? Patrick: Oh, were those too complicated for you? I'll try dumbing them down a bit. SpongeBob: Patrick, I get the feeling that you think I really am dumb! [glances at Patrick's t-shirt, "I'M WITH THE DUMMY" with an arrow pointing towards SpongeBob] Patrick: That's just what I'd expect you to say. Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are. [Patrick drools] SpongeBob: I'm only pretending to be dumb! It was our plan, remember! Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, if only you could see how stupid you sound right now, with your talk of imaginary plans. Tell you what. You've caught me at a good mood. I'll humor you. Go on, go out there and act "smart" for everyone. SpongeBob: Ok, I will! [Takes off his helmet] Patrick: [Puts on helmet] And don't worry, I'll keep this warm for ya! SpongeBob: [In front of Janet and Marty, clears throat] I have a confession to make. I lied about being stupid. I just acted like a fool so you would appreciate Patrick a little bit more. I know how to talk, and eat, and do laundry. I even separate the darks from the lights. So what do you say we start over and try again? Hi! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants. And I am not a dummy. Marty: [laughs] Amazing! Three minutes in the kitchen and our son has taught him to talk in complete sentences. Oh, good work, son! Patrick: It wasn't easy, dad. SpongeBob: [sputtering] But... but, but, but, but, but, but... Janet: It looks like it's time for your next lesson, young man! SpongeBob: Now, listen to me! I'm not dumb! I have a brain! See, here's a picture of it! [He shows them a small picture of his brain] Patrick: That must be actual size. [All laugh] SpongeBob: No! It's normal size and fully functional, watch. [Writes on Patrick's chalkboard] 2 plus 2 equals 4. Marty: Hoho, son! You taught him math too! SpongeBob:Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Marty: And you taught him to sing! [SpongeBob is blabbering and sputtering] Oh, now he's short-circuiting! You must have taught him a little too much. [SpongeBob imagines them all laughing hard. Marty and Janet look at each other and laugh; then they all do the can-can. He imagines the three popping out of SpongeBob's pores. SpongeBob is inside Janet, who is laughing, inside Marty, who is also laughing, inside Patrick, who is also laughing, inside his eye. SpongeBob screams and runs through the wall outside, running all the way back home] Marty: You know, son, I've always known that when it comes to brightness, well, you're about a three-watt. But this guy! He's a wet match in a dark cave. He makes phone operators seem smart! [clears his throat] But more importantly, son, he's shown me what a sharp, quick-witted boy you've become. [Hugs him] Ha! I feel like I'm really meeting you for the first time. Isn't that right, Janet? Janet: You bet, Marty! Patrick: [His eyes widen] Janet? Marty? Who are you people?! Janet: Marty! I'm scared! [Doorbell rings, then the rock opens up. Squidward, Herb and Margie are outside his rock] Squidward: Excuse me. Does this lovely couple belong to you? They've been standing outside my house saying "Where's Patrick?" all day! It's driving me nuts! Patrick: Mom! Dad! Herb: Wow, son! You actually recognized us this time. Margie: And you remembered to get dressed today! [Patrick, Herb and Margie laugh] Marty: Oh, that's right, honey. We don't have a son. Janet: Oh yeah! [Both walk away. Patrick and his parents laugh as their rock closes over them] 👀👀👍👍👍👀👀 nice 👌👌stuff 👀👀👀 ✔️thats some ™™™ nice 👨🏻 stuff 👨🏻👨🏻 ® (cool ) 👌👌👌👌👌 niiiiiiiiiii👌ce 👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌 stuff that is some nice ✔️ass✔️stuff👀 ya got there ✔️ congrats 🎉 on the nice👍👍👍STUFF👍👍👌✔️👀✔️👀 👍👍 👀✔️™ nice 👌 shut the FUCK up 👎👀👎👀👎👀👎👀👎👀 bull SHIT bülł sHit 👎 thats 🚫 some bull shit👎👎 right👎👎th 👎ere👎👎👎right🚫there 🚫🚫if i do say so my self❌ i say so❌ thats fucking horrible right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ fucking ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) UGHHHHH❌ 👎👎 👎B0ОଠＯOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👎👎👎 👎 ❌ 👎 👀 👀 👀 👎👎BAD SHIT DO IT, just DO IT! Don't let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. So just. DO IT! Make. your dreams. COME TRUE! Just... do it! Some people dream of success, while you're gonna wake up and work HARD at it! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you're not gonna stop there. NO! What are you waiting for? ... DO IT! Just... DO IT! Yes you can! Just do it! If you're tired of starting over, stop. giving. up. >le maymay arrow is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee :^( BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just *gets crack pipe out* smoke some of that good 420 shit :) *rips a bong* AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E WHATA FUCK MAN xD i just fall of my chair cuz i couldnt and i CANT stop laughXXXXXX DDDDDD OMGOSH DDDDD XXXXX DDDDD DDDDDD LOOOOOOOLLLLL FUCKIN HOLY SHITTTT I CANT JUST STOP LAUGHING CAUSE HE HE HE HE HE JUST TO FUNNY MAN!!!1!11! GOOD MEME SORRY I MEAN GREAT MEME EPIC MEMEING /b/ro BAZINGA BAZINGA BAZINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ZIMBABWE is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee :^( BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just gets crack pipe out smoke some of that good 420 shit :) rips a bong AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that sure hit the spot ok now repeat that fucking epic ass M E M E I'm Squirting Pure Mio Water Flavoring Into My Mouth And Walking Around With Swiffer WetJets Taped To My Shoes I Don't Give A Fuck Damn About Society You Know What? I'm Going To Write A Song About How Bad I Want To Fight You, And Once It Makes A Lot Of Money, I'm Going To Buy A Plane Ticket And Come To Your House And I'm Going To Break All Of Your Electronic Devices, You God Damn Pincushion. Okay, first of all, FUCK your fandom and FUCK your bullshit fandom politics. I know you’re not going to like this but I don’t care and before you start thinking about flaming me my ask box has anonymous off so you’re going to listen to what I have to say. Monica would be a firebender, I think that’s one thing we all agree on. Now is where you’re going to hate me. Phoebe and Joey would both be airbenders. Now before you start flipping a shit let me just say this: go fuck yourself. Ross would be an earthbender and Rachel would be a waterbender. I KNOW THIS INTERFERES WITH THE SHIP. I DON’T CARE, FUCK YOUR SHIP AND FUCK YOU. And Chandler? Chandler would be a nonbender. I know it hurts but it’s true. I have watched every episode of the show and all of his actions lead me to believe the creators envisioned him as a nonbender from the start. Disagree? FUCK YOU. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. hi every1 im new!!!!!!! holds up spork my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me _… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again _^ hehe…toodles!!!!! love and waffles, Getting salt from gamer boys in my inbox. Listen up turd turrets, I WANTED to just play video games, I WANTED to just have fun, I NEVER wanted my gaming to be political or a struggle, I just wanted to play. But you wouldn’t fucking let me, you brought up my gender, you judged me based on it, YOU made it political. So now I WILL wreck everything with my fucking feminism, I am the feminist nightmare you fucking created. Witness me. you guys we gotta hurry i just got back from walmart theyre selling nintendo 3DS systems for $149.99 on sale plus every time you buy one you get a $50 gift card brings the total price down to $110 after tax NOW LISTEN we can flip those sons of bitches for 230 bucks a piece EASY they’re all limited edition zelda ones! HURRY hurry come with me! We can be rich and also i’ll get to keep one and we can play NINTENDO GAMES nintendo give me free stuff 14 years ago ⬅️📅today⬇️, the episode 📺✨”Band Geeks”✨📯🏉🇺🇸🎸🎷🎺🎤 of spongebob🌕▫️🐙🐚🐳 👔👖🍔🍟 squarepants came out😱📡. Our hero spongebob 🌕👔◽️👖 and his squad 🐙🐞🐚🐠🐟🐬🐳🍁 valiantly turnt up 🎉💥🔥💃 the bikini bottom bubble bowl 👙💘💭🍜🏉. Send 📲 this to 1⃣4⃣ other band geeks 👓👔. if u get 5⃣ back⬅️😄, it’s sweet 🍦🍩 sweet 🎂🍪 sweet 🍫🍭 victory 🎉🎊🎆 . If u get 0⃣😩 you are a #squilliam 🐙💢👎😰 Bring Tooth Ghost Pipe Hell Tooth Man To School With You. You Have No Other Choice. Bring Him. Feed Him Lies. He Will Crush The Nonbelievers. Listen To His Voice, Do You Hear His Song, O? Does He Cry? No. He Is Laughing. He Is Only Laughing. His Voice Is Fire. His Laugh Is Thunder. His Existence Is Forever. Fear Him. Love Him. He Is In Us all. Believe. Believe. Believe My OCHIN is gigantic, O.T.N is it's abbreviation It is mainly handled with things such as △○□× it serves combined use for men and woman Recently, a portable style that disassembles became possible All kinds of OCHIN have come into circulation Remove the portable-type OCHIN, so there aren't a lot of lost cases I advise you keep the lock nice and tight Furthermore, be careful because OCHIN as a so-called sex symbol is completely different Again, the above text is completely appropriate I actually met Guy Fieri at a restaurant once - we’d accidentally been given his table. Apparently he was fond of the restaurant and had a specific table he liked, and the management had messed up and gotten their days wrong, (it was Tuesday and they thought he was coming on Thursday or something like that). Anyway, the manager, completely embarrassed (this is a pretty nice restaurant) comes by and says “I’m so sorry, but we’d like to move you to another table if you could be troubled, and we’ll gladly compensate you for the cost of the meal and any other meal you’d like while you’re in town.” My sister and cousin were both like “Yeah that’s cool.” and I kind of played the asshole a bit. “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand. We’ve been here for 15 minutes - we’ve just ordered. Can’t we finish our meal here?” Then out of nowhere Guy Fieri shows up next to the manager and says “Paul, these guys can finish. We’ll be at the bar. I got some time.” And I (being a big Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives fan) said “Oh wow, uh… I had no idea. Please feel free to give them the table.” Guy was grateful, shook my hand and said thanks, then gave me a card with his number on it and told me to give him a call later. After working up the nerve, I gave him a call that night, and to make a long story short, we had a glorious 11 month love affair, man on man, that I shall never forget. Our bodies intertwined as one, and from the beauty of Morocco, to the French Riviera, to the snorkeling in the Galopagos, Guy Fieri and I made glorious gay love to each other on six of the seven continents. Our MURDERCUBE, who art intangible, hollow-pointed be your name. Thy kingdom come, Thine will be Gun, on earth, as it is in /k/ Give us this day our daily Nugget, and forgive us our 9mm vs .45 threads, as we also have forgiven our Nogunz brethren. And lead us not into Taurus, but deliver us from Kimber. For thine is the ‘PING!’-gun, The Mauser, and the Glory Forever, and ever Amen Ave Nex Alea; War is the way of Man; Man is the means of war; the Murder/k/ube allows us war; our worship is our readiness. Saluto Nex Alea. You know who/what is “on fleek?” Jesus. My Savior. My Love. My Ultimate Hero. Jesus is on fleek. The Catholic Church is on fleek. It is on point. It points us to our True North – Heaven – Jesus. Our Blessed Mother is on fleek. She is on point. Her ultimate job is to bring us to her Son – Our Savior – Our Love – Our Ultimate Hero. Thinking of the slang, “on fleek,” I started to think about as a working Catholic wife and mom, what things are on fleek in my life. I came up with a top 5: 1. Father. Son. Holy Spirit. They are on fleek. 2. My Family. So extremely grateful to be the wife and mom in my family. Straight up on point. 3. My job. Even with some of the difficulties I have balancing it with being a momma, I am extremely GRATEFUL to the Lord that He has entrusted me with this responsibility. Definitely leading to my holiness – so, yes, on fleek. 4. The faith community to which we belong. First, the Catholic faith in general – 2000 years old. So on fleek. Then, the particular parish we belong to – St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Brusly, Louisiana. It’s a small little Cajun town right outside of Baton Rouge. The people are real, filled with love, and completely community centered. On Fleek. 5. The Saints. Those who have gone before us, filled with the Holy Spirit, the faith, and an incredibly awesome love of Christ and His precepts. They are like my “on fleek” gang of intercessors! On point, on point, on point. Мы начинаем наше космическое путешествие в те времена, когда трава была зеленее и музыка прекраснее, когда еще не было плохой музыки, дабы вернуть давно утерянную формулу хорошей музыки. Рассекая пространство и время, мы слышим звуки божественной музыки, в которой каждая нота находится на своем месте. Кажется нечто подобное испытывают люди когда слушают альбомы Sigur Ros, некое блаженное чувтсво. Это состояние невозможно описать, трудно уловить и легко потерять, но удивительно, на всем протяжении нашего путешествия оно все усиливается и усиливается. В окне иллюминатора пролетают все самые значимые музыкальные и исторические вехи в истории. Важна уже не конечная точка прибытия, а само путешествие, потому что стремление - вот самое главное в нашей жизни, достигнув определенной точки нам об��зательно захочется продолжить путешествие дальше. Честно говоря я уже не знаю где мы находимся, достигли мы того самого места? И где это место? Скорее всего мы улетели намного дальше, за пределы пространства времени. Неужели мы так и не нашли формулы? неужели все напрасно? Наше путешествие - вот та самая формула, точнее одна из ее композиций, собранная из обрывков воспоминаний. Вычислить ее невозможно, но нам крупно повезло и мы стали редкими счастливчиками которым открылась одна из идеальных музыкальных композиций. Сможем ли мы когда-нибудь повторить это путешествие… возможно не скоро, но когда-нибудь обязательно, а пока нужно вернуться на землю и передать человечеству данные собранные нашими датчиками. Мы не настолько умны чтобы из полученных данных вычислить формулу, но зато у нас появилась одна из композиций сгенерированных этой идеальной формулой. Так правильно, ведь если бы человечество обладало “ключем” ни к чему хорошему это не привело бы. My baby he don't talk sweet, He ain't got much to say But he loves me loves me loves me, I know that he loves me anyway And maybe he don't dress fine, But I don't really mind 'Cause every time he pulls me near, I just want to cheer Let's hear it for the boy Let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy My baby may not be rich, He's watchin' every dime But he loves me loves me loves me, We always have a real good time And maybe he sings off key, But that's alright by me, yeah 'Cause what he does he does so well, Makes me wanna yell Let's hear it for the boy Oh, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy 'Cause every time he pulls me near, I just want to cheer Let's hear it for the boy Oh, let's give the boy a hand Let's hear it for my baby, You know you gotta understand Oh, maybe he's no Romeo, But he's my lovin' one man show Whoa whoa whoa whoa Let's hear it for the boy Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's hear it my man (Let's hear it for the boy) (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Pull yourself together (Let's hear it for my babe) (Let's hear it for the boy) Whoa let's hear it for my boy (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's hear it for my man (Let's hear it for the boy) (Let's hear it for my babe) Let's it for my man There lived a certain man in Russia long ago He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow Most people looked at him with terror and with fear But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear He could preach the bible like a preacher Full of ecstacy and fire But he also was the kind of teacher Women would desire RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine It was a shame how he carried on He ruled the Russian land and never mind the Czar But the kasachok he danced really wunderbar In all affairs of state he was the man to please But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze For the queen he was no wheeler dealer Though she'd heard the things he'd done She believed he was a holy healer Who would heal her son RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen There was a cat that really was gone RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine It was a shame how he carried on [Spoken:] But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger for power became known to more and more people, the demands to do something about this outrageous man became louder and louder. "This man's just got to go!" declared his enemies But the ladies begged "Don't you try to do it, please" No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms Though he was a brute they just fell into his arms Then one night some men of higher standing Set a trap, they're not to blame "Come to visit us" they kept demanding And he really came RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen They put some poison into his wine RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine He drank it all and he said "I feel fine" RA RA RASPUTIN Lover of the Russian queen They didn't quit, they wanted his head RA RA RASPUTIN Russia's greatest love machine And so they shot him till he was dead [Spoken:] Oh, those Russians... I had this friend who used to brag to us all the time that he could catch his cum in his mouth without fail every time he masturbated. He actually wrote down how many times he successfully did it. 327. I’ll never forget that number. And every day at school, he would talk about this. It was always during lunch my sophomore year of high school, too..so it was extremely unnecessary. He used to always try to demonstrate his techniques with packets of mayonnaise but we’d always threaten to move tables so he’d stop. He was really one of those people who needed attention constantly. Aside from those times at lunch, he was a completely normal dude. Like…even after class we’d ask him about that stuff and be like “dude, what was with that cum stuff at lunch,” and he’d always look at us like we were crazy and say “what the hell are you talking about?” I’ll never forget that classmate. His great personality will always be remember but his perplexing obsession with catching his own ejaculate in his mouth will live on forever at my previous high school. He was a one of a kind guy. His name was Norman Reedus. Don't u ever ever fucken send me any thing like this again. U r so ignored. U will be so sorry one day. But u don't even know it yet. That pride of yours u think u know everything but u know shit. Your have really pissed me off. One day u will say. Wow Mom was right but it will be to late for u then. Fucken no all. I will not help u with ur hair or anything else so done ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to throw u out off my property. You r the most disrespectful little bitch I know. Don't ever disrespect my 'Lord' to me again. U and Chris will be able to talk to each other in Hell. Hey nightcore-ers. This is Mod Angel. Recently I have gone through a complete change of lifestyle and want to be referred to Mod Priscilla Valkyrie the Fallen Angel. Anyways, I’ve decided that nightcore isn’t enough so I will also be posting breakcore and dubstep remixes that sound nightcorey Yep. This right here is probably one of the best things I've ever heard. Honestly, it is. Every song i listen to now in my waking moments is nightcore remixes, full albums especially but its hard to find mixes for them all so sometimes i speed things up myself, I admit, because I just really like it so much better when its sped up 3000x. I usually do it in my offtime and it also helps me be more creative and inventive in my musical style as an artist. It really adds something different to the music and makes it so much better. So yeah. That's my two cents as a proud nightcore listener/artist

#text post #rin rambles

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