#today is weezer wednesday

[is-it-weezer-wednesday]

Fun fact February 14th is Valentines Day. Weezer formed on that day. And this Valentines day is on a Wednesday.

So their 32nd anniversary is on a Wednesday.

Here's the plan: let's make weezer (and maybe weezer wednesday) trend on Valentines day

(reblog to break containment please because this will be so funny if this happens and it needs participation because this blog is very small)

[wyatt-loves-weezer]

WEEZERTINE'S

HAPPY WEEZERTINE'S EVERYONE HAVE A VERY WEEZERY DAY AND KEEP IT WEEZY

LISTEN TO YOUR WEEZER PLAYLIST (you better have one) AND CRY!!

[hategirlism]

IT'S WEEZER WEDNESDAY !!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

[girlcockholmes]

unintentionally matching my listening mood with the days of the week

[idolatrybarbie]

pairing: past francisco "frankie" morales/reader

word count: 544

rating & summary: mature. it's been a long time since you've seen frankie morales.

warnings: discussion of addiction, mentions of cocaine and casual alcohol consumption, bowling, this is super unedited—i have class in an hour.

notes: first wednesday of my horrible september weezer thingamajig. short and sweet for you today. if you listen to the song, this would be the subject's perspective to rival that of rivers cuomo. enjoy!

It’s been a billion years. Or at least, that’s what your brain tells you when you spot him from across the room. His presence pulls at something—some knot within you, tightly wound and long forgotten by now. Maybe annoyance. Probably something else.

You don’t say hi first. If this is going to happen at all, he’ll be the one to come over and do the greeting. Not that he owes you that, or anything. You’re giving him space. Space, the thing that you’d so desperately begged for nearing the end of your relationship with him. The thing that ultimately tore the two of you apart.

You’ve lived your life what felt like a million miles away from Frankie Morales for a couple of years now. And yet here he is, once again in your orbit.

No one called dibs on friend groups or social gatherings when the two of you split. Firstly, because that was ridiculous. Secondly, because there wasn’t a practical reason to. Work took you all over the place—all across the States, down to South America, across the globe. No point in veto’ing his presence at a party  in an entirely different timezone from you.

Now, you’re back. Out celebrating. Bowling, because that’s what your now very tipsy friends had out-voted you on. Apparently dinner and a movie was too boring. Bowling is a distinctly Frankie activity, which might have been what contributed to your hesitance. Texas is big, but it’s not that big.

You glance over at Frankie’s table again, seeing the regular crowd. Pope’s at his elbow, straw pinched between his teeth as he and Francisco listen to Will and whatever he’s saying. Benny reappears at the table with a goofy-looking pair of bowling shoes, spurring laughs from the whole lot of them. Frankie’s laugh throws you into a time warp. You used to be able to pull that from him, whole and hearty in its hiccuping bark. Once upon a time that was your favourite sound.

There’d been bad times, too, that are easier to forget now. For all of his goodness, Frankie had downsides. Secrets, late nights, nightmares he would never tell you about. A resentment that turned palpable in the end, all sharp edges and cutting words. Going through his phone at night to find text messages from a dealer; going through his car to find a small stash of coke in the glove box.

You know how he talked about you after the breakup—that you’d tossed him aside, sliced into him like a piece of cake and turned away when you hadn’t liked you what found. He’s not entirely wrong. You hadn’t liked what you found, once you’d forced your way past the man’s surface. But you tried.

For six months, after almost a year together, you tried to adjust. Tried to get him some help, or urge him to get help himself. It wasn’t like you’d found out about the addiction and up and left. Have a nice life! No, you wouldn’t. You couldn’t.

You loved him.

None of that matters now. He doesn’t come over, and after another couple of turns, the game with your friends is over. Your name sits at the top of the digital scoreboard, the winner. Somehow, it doesn’t feel that way.

[kaisaysth1ngs]

Hello my fellow weezeroids, how are we doing? Fine? Thats good..me? Oh im doing fine, today was weezer Wednesday so im totally weezin out atm

Anywho

You ever listen to a song and start beating it a little? No..just me? Well im fine with that..

Sorry…sometimes i just get freakyyy 👅👅👅👅

I dont know if you can tell but i like to draw myself

Uhh, i dont know man weezer is okay i guess…

[stormywinter42]

I had a dream last night where my brother told me “hey, it’s Weezer Wednesday” bitch no it isn’t today is Friday and yesterday was Thursday

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

TAYLOR MOMSEN And LUKE SPILLER Perform THE BEACH BOYS Classics At 'A Grammy Salute To The Beach Boys' Tribute Concert

THE STRUTS lead vocalist Luke Spiller and THE PRETTY RECKLESS frontwoman Taylor Momsen dueted on THE BEACH BOYS classics "Surfin' USA" and "Fun, Fun, Fun" at "A Grammy Salute To The Beach Boys", a special tribute concert honoring the legendary Grammy-nominated music icons THE BEACH BOYS. The live concert special, which took place this past Wednesday, February 8, at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, California, featured a star-studded performer lineup that also included Grammy-winning artists and past and current Grammy nominees, including Beck, Brandi Carlile, FALL OUT BOY, Andy Grammer, HANSON, Norah Jones, LADY A, John Legend, LITTLE BIG TOWN, Michael McDonald, MUMFORD & SONS, MY MORNING JACKET, PENTATONIX, Charlie Puth, LeAnn Rimes, St. Vincent, TAKE 6 and WEEZER, who all celebrated and honored THE BEACH BOYS' everlasting music and impactful career.

"A Grammy Salute To The Beach Boys" will air on the CBS television network and will be available live and on demand on Paramount+ at a later date.

On Thursday (February 9),Taylor shared a few photos from the event and included the following caption: "I guess the cat's out of the bag…last night it was an honor to perform at the Grammy's tribute to @thebeachboys with my new found friend @lukestruts amongst so many great artists…it was a blast. Stay tuned for broadcast date and time on @cbstv and @paramountplus".

Last year, THE BEACH BOYS celebrated their 60th anniversary on their "Sixty Years Of The Sounds Of Summer" 2022 tour. In June 2022, they released a newly remastered and expanded edition of THE BEACH BOYS' career-spanning greatest hits collection "Sounds Of Summer: The Very Best Of The Beach Boys". The expanded "Sounds Of Summer" features 24 new mixes including two first-time stereo mixes, plus 22 improved stereo mixes enhanced by today's digital stereo extraction technology. The collection is available now in a variety of formats, including a super-deluxe version and a remastered single disc that boasts the original 2003 release.

Since the band's co-founder, lead-singer and chief lyricist Mike Love penned the lyrics to THE BEACH BOYS' first hit "Surfin'" (1961),dozens of the bands chart toppers have become eternal anthems of American youth: "Surfin' USA", "Surfer Girl", "Fun, Fun, Fun", "I Get Around", "California Girls", "Help Me Rhonda", "Barbara Ann", "Good Vibrations", "Wouldn't It Be Nice", "Rock And Roll Music" And "Kokomo".

THE BEACH BOYS have sold over 100 million records worldwide and have received more than 33 RIAA platinum and gold record awards. The Rock And Roll Hall of Famers were also honored at the 2001 Grammy Awards with the "Lifetime Achievement" award.

With more than five decades of touring under their belts, THE BEACH BOYS have performed more concerts than any major rock band in history. "Sounds Of Summer: The Very Best Of The Beach Boys", Capitol/EMI's 30-track collection of the band's biggest hits, has achieved triple-platinum success with sales of more than three million copies in the U.S. since its release.

THE BEACH BOYS are led by Mike Love, who, along with longtime member Bruce Johnston, musical director Scott Totten, Brian Eichenberger, Christian Love, Tim Bonhomme, John Cowsill, Keith Hubacher and Randy Leago, continue the legacy of the iconic band.

[oicuperp]

things that made me happy today omñomñom

- had breakfast with my friends like every wednesday and the waiter remembered what we always order hes so nice and silly hehe

- went to the book fair after havimg breakfast yippee i didnt buy any book bc i still have a lot to read in my house but it was fun to look around

- ate lasagna omñomñom🤤

- saw a couple of old people riding a very silly motorbike

- remembered how much i like juanita y los feos hehe they have such bangers !!!! (they literally only have 1 album)

- changed my pfp to pupi hehehe i love pupi :3

songs of the day bc i cant choose one and i went nuts about these three songs today👍

[xqueenofthecraziesx]

Today,

A random Wednesday,

May 1st,

Around 9 am.

I sat at my friends grave

And told them about

Fallout

And MatPat leaving youtube

And how Good Mythical Morning is still going

And getting Weezered

And how you can fuck a bear in Baldur's Gate.

And it was one of the most therapeutic

And healing experiences I've had in a while.

I think I've apologized enough

But it will never make up the fact

That I should've been a better friend.

And that I'm still not a better friend to those still living.

I love you so much,

And the years that pass still hurt like hell.

But I know,

At least I think I know,

That it'll be OK some day.

I won't be angry at the world

For taking you away,

And making you miss out on stupid memes,

And movies,

And dressing like the characters we shipped

And thinking nothing of it.

I always loved you,

And I'll always love you,

And I'll forever miss you.

But I think I'll be OK, at least some day.

[is-it-weezer-wednesday]

is it Weezer Wednesday

Yes.

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and nine

ive decided im gonna add the title bff to l for a bit now so its easier to tell apart my bff l from my talking stage l lol.

all i remember from monday was that n made me pick my fav trigun character. apparently im wolfwood lovercoded so she was happy i picked him.

tuesday was my high school grad! i wore a big white button-up as a dress w a black tie and my cowprint heels. i liked the outfit a lot!

the ceremony was wayyy longer than anticipated. afterwards my mom took some real awkward pictures of me. later we went for food, we were gonna get mexican but ended up going to this asian fusion place that turned out to be shit TT

we walked through some stores afterwards and then sat at a café for a bit before i had to leave to catch my piercing appointment. i got my right lobe and my belly pierced!! it hurt less than i expected it too which was nice. i got pretty anxious afterwards though bc i thought my ear would heal like shit bc of how close it seemed to the other piercing but its fine now lol.

wednesday we (me, i, bff l and c) hung at bass place and watched the annual president ball hand shaking thing. my old drum teacher was there??? i devoured some cucumber w dip and then i was nice enough to drive us to the music quiz. me and bff l ended up joining l and a. they played hash pipe by weezer right as we joined them which i got really excited ab!!!

i had an oral exam on thursday and i was so terrified ab it. me and d hadnt practiced beforehand but we ended up passing and i think our convo still ended up quite good. the criticism i received afterwards was ab how i said "이 아침" and "이 밤" instead of "오늘 아침" and "오늘 밤". its all good though, ended up getting an a on it so :D

friday i went to a second-hand shop to look for clothes but i had forgot that the one i went to doesnt sell clothes so i ended up looking and cds for a bit. i found born this way on cd and snapped l like "omg lol should i buy it?" but he didnt answer until i had left so i had just kind of left it behind bc i didnt think it was worth it but then later when he answered he was all like "OMG NOOO U SHOULDVE GOTTEN IT SO WE CAN MATCH" TT. so, on saturday when i went out to go thrifting, i stopped by that shop again and got it.

on friday evening me and l watched the perks of being a wallflower. i really liked it and the soundtrack was so good. its one of his favorite movies and i had either way been planning to watch it. he asked me actually last week if i wanted to watch it together w him but we ended up not doing it but i was glad he still remembered on friday.

btw we exchanged twitter on friday. i had to delete all my tweets ab him beforehand so ended up leaving him on delivered for like an hour TT sorry, pookie, im just embarrassed if u see all the tweets ab u of me going "HES SO HOT HE JUST SENT ME SUCH A CUTE PICTURE OF HIS OUTFIT OMG HES SO-."

after buying the cd on saturday i went to one other shop and there i got an anklet and a flannel. i wouldve gone to a third one but it was closed. i wouldve gone today instead buttttttt it closes so early. it closes and 4 pm and i woke up at 12 pm and spent a good... two hours (?) getting ready and the stores quite far away and its massive so i dont think id be able to look through it in time TT maybe im just making excuses.

l and i didnt really talk yesterday, only like... three snaps each and some tiktoks. he was out on bereal yesterday though so im assuming he was just busy and also its good to not,, feel like u constantly HAVE to talk to keep it going, yk? im working a lot on my anxious attachment and its actually gotten way better over just the past few weeks id say bc im starting to really feel like the feelings are thoroughly mutual. with that said... i do hope we talk more today lol. i love talking to him.

sotw: weezer - hash pipe

[thelastmixedtape]

The Smashing Pumpkins & Weezer to play 3Arena Dublin

The Smashing Pumpkins & Weezer to play 3Arena Dublin

The Smashing Pumpkins and Weezer have today announced a major summer tour of the UK and Ireland in 2024 which includes a Dublin, Ireland show at 3Arena on 10th June. See full tour dates below. The Smashing Pumpkins and Weezer UK and Ireland Tour 2024 Friday 7th June Birmingham Utilita Arena Saturday 8th June London The O2 Monday 10th June Dublin 3Arena Wednesday 12th June Glasgow OVO…

[the59er]

19 - 25 Jun 2023

19th Jun 2023, Monday Listening: Sunny Sloth, Monster Rally

Temperature has gone down but I still got myself a couple of Alltest just in case. Tomorrow Mom's getting admitted to the hospital so today I tried to do as much office work as possible, fuelled by some serious snaccs that I bought on impulse while we were at bens the other night, as motivashe :p

I also forgot that in the midst of my fever yesterday, we had a small dins for Dad's day.

--

20th Jun 2023, Tuesday Listening: Lovelovelove, Flea

Mom's day 1 at the hosp. Dad took the morning "shift".

In the meantime, I had to settle house things. Went out to get myself lunch since Dad told me to makan sendiri. Zuls took me to mega ceria, nasi padang supremacy! He also made me try popia for funsies before I finally head off to the hosp.

--

21st Jun 2023, Wednesday Listening: Just a Phase, Incubus

Kat's birthday! One of my fave high school friends, for sure. Though we don't hang out these days, something about Kat just radiates warmth and sincerity. Every year I will try to make Brandon Boyd-related birthday wish for her 😂

Aside from that, I went to the hosp again for Mom. Her actual surgery is tomorrow. She looks nervous, but that's perfectly normal.

--

22nd Jun 2023, Thursday Listening: Cherry, Ratatat

Mom's surgery day. Went for my post-op "shift" but got shoo-ed out by the nurses because it wasn't visiting hours, eventhough I was the caretaker. Meh.

So to kill time, I went to 2121's working ground for my super late lunch after realising that my last meal was merely oden from famima in the morning. (It was also my first time!)

It's very comforting. Anyway, it's always very cute to see zuls on "work mode" hehe.

--

23rd Jun 2023, Friday Listening: Don't Cry, Deerhunter

Had to take additional EL because Mom is still at the hosp so I had to settle home stuff. It's very tiring, I dont know how people do it on the daily.. Maybe this is an indicator that Im actually not ready to have my own family? Or maybe I just need a better family dynamic. Idk. Because it feels like my work is neverending. Ive got home stuff, and office stuff, it's crazy. Mad respect to all working Moms (& Dads) out there.. I got so frustrated I just had to go out and take a breather (whitebox) later in the evening.

--

24th Jun 2023, Saturday Listening: Pork & Beans, Weezer

Mom is home, hamdulillah. Couple days ago I learned of the word "gedebe" and for some reason I decided to google its origin and I stumbled upon this Italian brand lol:

Petang; teman-ed 2121 on his break at taman tun where I had a nice sirap bandung. I love sirap bandung. Obsessed. Afterwards singgah yush and I squealed at the sight of Jamal after not seeing him in awhile!

K.O-ed early because I was just too exhausted by house work.

--

25th Jun 2023, Sunday Listening: Layla, Eric Clapton

Went on my morning walk. Mom also asked for bread, so, okay.

Petang met up with zuls, I can't remember where we went, maybe we went to yush? But I do remember we stopped by grocer's to get yakult. And today I learned of a treatment called "fasyu".

--

Ok yet another week of June, done and dusted. Im just grateful that my Mom is ok.

[tylerwritez]

OKAY ANWYAYS its 10:57 p.m. Wednesday June 23

I'm gonna start writing my entry now so that later I'm not too exhausted to actually TALK about stuff.

Yesterday Bee gave me a link to watch Supernatural on my computer so later tonight I probably will.

I'm in class right now, we just had a test on evolution (boring) and I studied some of the book State And Revolution by Lenin (I also took notes) (he's 100 percent correct by the way)

I just had a wonderful discussion with my friend on Instagram XD it was kinda funny. I dont have much else to say Yet. I'm having a coffee and listening to Samaris

I guess that will be my song recommendation for today since I'm listening to it right now XD

Also my parents said yes to letting me go to Jay's house to watch Insidious after school, I just gotta be back for supper! I'm excited abt that... cos he is actually like. The best. So in honour of that or whatever I'm giving yall TWO song recs today... also I dont think I gave one yesterday so here is Jay's fave song XD we gave different taste you'll notice,,, if you pay attention to the stuff I reccomend

Like he listens to old stuff XD he liked this weezer song from my playlist so you get the vibes. WEEZER IS GOOD THO omg thank u K (I'm just gonna call him K) for recommending me weezer! I knew a radiohead fan would give me good music lol.

Actually I talked to K a while ago and told him about how insanely transgender the song Bodysnatchers is and he was like wow so true so I figured I'd tell yall to listen to this if ur trans because like I know everyone's got a #different experience but for me I was like holy Shit this is so trans

Anwyays idk it makes more sense if u listen to the LYRICS.

Please I'm supposed to talk about my DAY now we are onto music oh well I guess it happens sometimes plus I'm bored I hate bio class

Okay so now we have come to the thesis that kinks are contagious wow fun times in the insta chat XD

It's now 4:16 p.m. I'm back from school! Turns out I couldn't go over to Jay's cos he has work :( which made me a bit sad BUT IT'S OKAY! We can always hang out another time you know?

I'm just studying right now for my final exam... TOMMOROW

Update: 8:15 p.m.

I'm out biking. We've mildly vandalized a school, I'll attach images after I remove the exit data... it probably doesnt count as VANDALISM tho like it can easily be washed off.

My sister made some new friends her age and whatnot. Idk, just regular stuff.

Update: 10:43 p.m. I was frustrated while studying because some of the questions are stupid and I'm stupid and I cant remember TWO ENTIRE UNITS so that's fun. I got really upset. Idk.

Also Star is kinda being bitchy. Like, I know shes upset cos I dont give her enoguh attention but like... do YOU give me attention? Like, shes always so mean out of the blue, even if I try to be nice or if I'm BUSY AND NOT IGNROING HER, BUT BUSY... and it puts me off and it makes me not wanna talk to her like what's the point in saying "hey how was ur day?" If shes gonna act like a bitch to me :| I just dont understand like if she wants soemthing she should say it outright and PUT SOME EFFORT in jesus christ.

Sorry. I dont hate her and I'm not mad at her, I'm just fed up! I'm tired!!! Okay??? Am I not allowed to be exhausted sometimes?

Whatever. I mean at least I got to drink monster.

I gotta start dieting again cos I'm gaining weight :( and its upsetting me

Anyways this whole thing with Jay and Star is kinda confusing and dramatic and I'm kinda tired idk. Its MY OWN FAULT but I just want to be able to. Idk. Not hurt anyone. Whatever. It's too late now and it's not really worth trying anymore.

I hope Jay doesn't just totally ditch me when he goes to college... :( I would be so sad... it's a good thing I can spam his number and insta XD

Wish me luck on my final exam. I need it.

And if anyone knows any good ways to avoid cutting myself, TELL ME!!! Because DAMN I really want to go spend all my money on a four dollar knife/steal a knife then SLICE MYSELF UP. SO BAD. jesus.

I think I should just die I'm actually a horrible person.

Update: its 11:22 p.m. and my parents are FUCKING ARGUING AGAIN JESUS CHRIST JUST FUCKING DIVORCE ALREADY. I wish my lil sister didn't have to hear this shit... oh well. I'm already a shitty influence anyways so I guess it doesn't matter.

... have you ever seen your parents CRY? Because I have. And jesus christ it's the actual worst thing ever. Especially if you're young. Especially if it's YOUR fault... Especially if it's over shit you could barely even comprehend because of your age. Money. Shit like that. They LOOK at you with this expression, like a fucking wounded animal. It's the expression of someone just totally fucking defeated. The expression of soemone who is frightened. And its fucking scary, especially when it's your fault.

My mom does this every time she sees I've cut myself again. I hate it. Makes me wanna cut more because STOP IT. she always looks dESTROYED. It's the worst.

Sometimes they argue and fight and shit and they yell at you yell at you Yell at you scare you into submission and fuck having angry parents is terrifying because they're suppsoed to protect you and be understanding and gentle with you, the child, the cattle of the shepard, the egg of the black goat... ESPEICALLY WHEN YOU ARE IN PAIN. Every time you cry they get angrier and angrier, every time you wear what u wanna wear they get angrier and angrier, every time you are ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT THEY WISH YOU WERE... they get angry. You start to feel like maybe they dont ACTUALLY love you. There is a disconnect between what you need and what you are given. What you see in media and what you see at home. You start to feel like shit.

Eventually you learn that if you dont want the head of your favourite stuffed animal twisted off or your sisters barbie doll thrown out the window in a moving car or to be verbally insulted or to have them do SCARY things like make moves toward you before they remember they aren't suppsoed to hit you and just punishment that's emotionally fucking damaging all those words that you remember years later but they don't, every time they tell you they wish you were dead.... you gotta be quiet. Shut up. Do as you're told and don't say a fucking WORD. good boy. Upset? Don't tell them. Don't cry in front of them. Say nothing. Maintain the illusion, it'll keep you safe.

Soon enough your entire life is a secret and you need therapy but can't get it and wow, I wonder why I'm like this? I fucking wonder.

They aren't even arguing anymore but I wish they would shut up because I dont wanna hear their voices its making me ANXIOUS...

Sometimes I feel like I never got to develop past a certain point in childhood. Maybe 5, 10, 3, 6, I dont fucking know. Over 2 and under 10. Like my brain is emotionally stuck there and all of my behaviour is stuck there too. Sometimes if shit hurts me in ANY WAY I just sorta allow the bad hurt to happen. I tell myself, endure. Stay quiet, don't say a word. I've trained myself this way and now it's hard to learn to be loud and talk to people and be my own self without being scared. And part of this... is why I appreciate my friends and JAY. Jay, who always makes sure I'm okay. And everyone I know who likes to drop into my messages every once in a while to see how I'm doing... everyone who never forgets about me.

I'm actually so fucking appreciative of all my friends.

I don't know. I just... wish it was easier to sort out my shit but I guess not

Update: it's now 3:09 a.m. and I'm so fucking tired but whatever. I talked to Jay and it's hard to say much because I'm so tired but FUCK I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM JESUS CHRIST IM IN LOVE?!?!?!!! goddamnit it I just wanna be with him constantly...

Also I told him I was worried and he said, with his cute fucking voice, that I shouldnt worry cos he wouldnt just leave me. And. ThaNK YOU JAY. IF YOURE READING THIS, THANK YOU. Sometimes I get this dude's messages and just fucking smile. Hes the best and I love him. His whole self is a thing of beauty that I admire so much hes so charismatic and attractive and CUTE and I always tell him he's overconfident but MAN if i was that guy I'd be such a douchebag from confidence... dont tell him that though, xD like man I'm trying my best but at this point I wouldnt know what to fucking do if he went away. Like I'd cry so much.... I hope he doesnt move on from me too quick.

I'm so. I feel happy. Because I'm looking at everything and I feel so happy I'll cry and so sad I'll laugh. It's like being in a shitty coming of age movie where they play pop punk and the main character has his moment with the hot girl at the school dance or whatever bullshit. I feel like that. But its also like that same main character in his late forties stumbling upon an old photo of him and his highschool girlfriend and killing himself from love.

Here's what I'm listening to now... this plus a bunch of nostlagia inducing songs earlier... I just. Memories. So many. I almsot want to cry. Like. Look at them. Hold them in your hands as if they're these lovely little stones you found on the ground and put in your pockets cos they had cool stripes. Feel their WEIGHT. It's one of those things where it's so happy it's sad. It's so sad its happy. You're laughing and crying all at once and all you want is a hug. Because you can FEEL the human parts of you coming out, seeping out like a styro, starts off white then... blood. Humanity. I am vulnerable and exposed and I leave myself here.

HAN LEID, HAN LEID, HAN LEID,... han varr.

He walked, he walked, he walked,... he became.

I guess I'm still walking. But jesus christ. People affect me so much. So much. These memories, how it was cold or sunset or hot outside or nighttime and dark, how we were there as humans. I'd never be happier than in those little moments but you don't see it until years later. You don't see how important it was until you think of it and cry... fucking hell. Nils, Mark, Gabe, Max, James, Kyle, Liz,, every friend I've ever had. Nothing is better than music and memories because jesus christ I would've loved to have... died.

Died? No. My brain does this thing... I dont mean died. I guess I mean I wouldve liked to be frozen in those moments.

Sometimes I get a similar feeling. It's not the same, but its similar. This thing where you are so happy and grateful and sad because this is a tragedy and wow look. A happy moment in a tragedy. But jesus its happy enough and I want to cry because I really do appreciate the people who's lives cross paths with mine. I cry because I think of every little moment in which I knew that I wasnt alone and every little moment in which I felt their SOUL with mine and every little moment where my heart was touched... even unintentionally and in ways that dont make sense.

There was a girl, I'll call her Jade, I came out to her before anyone else. And sometimes, in the back of my head, I play that moment. In my mind. It was over fucking Skype. But I still felt it.

Oh man... I should proabably tell my coming out story. The story of how I came out to my parents. I was scared. I really was... but I felt like if I couldn't be ME, I couldn't live, or at least I didn't want to.

This was the song I played as I wrote a letter at... around this time actually, 3 or 4 am

I wrote it so spontaneously. I didn't even THKNK. I just wrote it. Because I was tired of crying myself to sleep every night and well... I had camp the next morning. That gave them a solid week or so to think about my letter... that would ensure they would be able to cool off whatever anger it would make them feel.

I wrote on one sheet of sketchbook paper front and back. I tried my best to explain. I tried my best. And that paper is stained with tears and still rests in my moms sock drawer

The whole thing got complicated after that... but in the end it worked out, with a lot of fucking work and persistence on my part.

Soemtimes I hope they look at it and cry themselves like how I did writing it.

Sometimes I just wish things were different. But they're not. I gotta deal with this.

But hey! Hey! We were happy earlier. Because... I dont kNow. I love everyone and I love the planet and i never want anyone to have to be hurt. Okay??? I love. Everyone.

Its hyperbole but still. I just want the best for everyone and I hate when other people are suffering cos it makes me upset. And. I don't know. I feel so... emotional right now. Like right now? I just want to hug everyone. And tell them that I'm here. And that it's okay. Look at me, dude! Look at me. I fucking made it... kinda. You can too! If you're reading this and you feel like shit... pull through. Please. I believe you can. I love you ANF I care about you and if you ever need help, message me.

Whatever I just. I dont know. I feel all like I just want everyone to be happy and at peace.... because I remember SO MUCH and all of it is making me cry a lot because I'm full of love okay? Like. I just care about people. I had to say goodbye to all of them but I don't fucking forget. I NEVER FORGET. It's a curse and... right now? The saddest blessing ever.

I had to say goodbye... yknow, I've never been good at goodbyes. I hope I don't have to say goodbye to Jay for a while. A long time. And when we do... I hope I can listen to his song and think of him and pull out every memory as perfectly as I can for everyone else. I just. I don't know. I see all these people in my mind, in flashes and it all comes flooding back to me. That isnt just a face. That was my friend and now they're gone. That was my friend and now? Not a word from them... that was my best friend and now its awkward. I don't want that anymore.. its painful. All of these people that have forgotten me years ago... who I still remember. Ouch. I dont know. I think I'm being dramatic because tlaking to Jay and being sleep deprived made me all mushy and then I listened to music. So.

Music makes everything feel so much more consuming but I cant live without it.

I dont even know

I'm just happy that I get to experience love.

Even if in the very end I am left alone... even if I'm tormented with memories of a happiness that can only be temporary,,,

I still appreciate it all and I'm full of love and appreciation I'm happy and i want to say THANK YOU to everyone

Signing off at 3:50 a.m,

Jude Shepard

[hugsandhexes-studies]

🦇 8.25.2020 | week 3 of classes 🦇

Classes were cancelled for yesterday & today, and thank god because I have so much catching up to do before tomorrow.

My first exam for my American Novel class is due tomorrow (was originally due Monday but got extended to Wednesday because of the long weekend)— and I’m suuuuper happy that it was pushed back because I still have absolutely no idea what I’m going to write about. 🙃

At some point today I need to find the time/energy/willpower to:

write my American lit essay exam (analysis of quotes from Wieland, by Charles Brockden Brown)

write last week’s forum post for my Sci-fi/Utopia lit class on the theme of consent and bodily autonomy in Octavia Butler’s Dawn (that I was supposed to post last Wednesday, but oops)

read the excerpt from Ferdinand de Saussure’s Course in General Linguistics for my Literary Theory class & the chapter on Structuralist criticism in our textbook (Critical Theory Today, by Lois Tyson)

read p. 1-106 of The Blithedale Romance, by Nathaniel Hawthorne

read p. 1-144 of Carrie, by Stephen King

watch Halloween (1978) for my Horror lit class

So.. yeah. A totally reasonable and not-at-all-overwhelming to do list to complete in the next ~12 hours. And I definitely didn’t spend the entire day yesterday laying in bed watching MasterChef reruns, because I am a very responsible student and I would never do such a thing.

Putting my faith in iced coffee and Adderall to carry me through all the shit I need to do today. And if I never post again after this it’s likely because I’ve crawled into bed and died of exhaustion. 👏🏻👏🏻

🎶 Listening to: “Your Woman” White Town (I’ve been on a 90’s music binge all week and I blame Brian for getting Weezer stuck in my head) 🎶