#today i didn’t read a lot but i wrote so much and watched a movie which i haven’t done in a while
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ensoleils · 7 days ago
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i think reading makes me happy but reading too much actually makes me feel awful
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sweetkpopmusings · 5 months ago
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stray kids soulmate aus | k. seungmin <3
a/n: these days i am QUITE the seungmin simp & it shows :,-) i had a lot of fun writing a very classic kpop fic meet-cute with this one ! if you need me, i'll be watching seungmin compilations <333 pics not mine~
content: fluff, soulmate au | wc: 1.9k | warnings: none really! | pairing: soulmate!seungmin x gn!reader | requests: open
♡ chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | jisung | felix | seungmin | jeongin ♡
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on your 18th birthday, you receive a stack of sticky notes on which you can write to your soulmate. there is one note for every day leading up to when you meet.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
you settled into your desk chair, eager to see what anecdote seungmin has chosen for you today. it was always a thrill to get a peek into his daily life, and it was especially entertaining when he removed context from the situation to make you laugh. over the years, he developed a knack for telling stories just the way you liked them. 
we went shopping today, in that area that always smells like ice cream cone batter. i bought a cool phone case. you better compliment me on it when we meet. i know it’s only ten days away, but i encourage you to put a reminder on your calendar, so you don’t forget to appreciate my taste in accessories. 
-yours, seungmin 
you scoffed. he was always extra sassy when he was excited about something. you tapped your pen against your desk, devising the perfect reply to seungmin’s daily update.
i promise i’ll tell you the phone case is cool, if and only if it actually is. we must be on the same wavelength because i went shopping today too (it didn’t smell like ice cream cone batter where i was though). i picked out new clothes for the day we meet, so you better compliment me on it as soon as you see me. should we make a joint calendar event since you’re quite forgetful?
-yours, y/n
not even 30 seconds passed when you saw seungmin’s handwriting appear near the bottom of the sticky note. you smiled, feeling his playful energy infect you.
like a wise person said, i’ll tell you the outfit is cool, if and only if it actually is. i’d love to make a joint calendar event, but we can’t share contact information yet, remember? i’ll have to trust you won’t forget the phone case…i guess that’s more important than remembering a basic rule about soulmates, so i’ll have faith in you :-) 
-yours, seungmin
with another roll of your eyes, you wrote your last message to seungmin for the night.
you test my patience, kim seungmin. get some rest now. i know you’re working hard on your comeback, so i’ll be rooting for you! 
-yours, y/n
you smiled at the tiny heart seungmin drew in the bottom corner of the page before you peeled the sticky note off the stack. electricity ran through you every time you noticed how much it shrank. soon, very soon, you would be teased by seungmin in person. you hoped that you’d deliver the perfect eye roll in response to his snarky comments, as a way to show him you truly loved him.
staring at the note, seungmin laughed at his desk, right when felix walked by.
“what’d y/n say?”
“none of your business.”
despite the nature of the retort, seungmin’s tone was lighthearted. felix laughed and left seungmin alone to place the completed sticky note in his not-so-secret box, where he kept every word you’ve ever exchanged safe from the rest of the world.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
hi soulmate~ let’s see if our tastes match. tell me your ideal meet-cute.
-yours, seungmin
you felt a blush on your skin at seungmin’s cute tone. you imagined he was feeling particularly sweet as your meeting was only three days away. you took your time mentally ranking the best meet-cutes you’d witnessed in books, movies, tv, and real life.
hi seungmin~ there are a lot of good ones, but i have to stick with the classic: locking eyes across a crowded room. what’s yours?
-yours, y/n
you stared at the note, eager to see whether seungmin had a romantic side after all. you laughed in disbelief when you read his answer.
wow, no “hi soulmate~”? rude :-( my favorite trope is spilling coffee on someone. i’d enjoy that as long as i’m not the one getting spilled on. let’s hope your outfit isn’t too cool!
-yours, seungmin
you imagined seungmin was laughing at his own joke, which balanced out his vague threat to spill coffee on you.
you’re such a menace :-( i’m about to revoke “soulmate” from your nicknames, as a matter of principle. 
-yours, y/n
seungmin, despite himself, blushed at the thought of you having different nicknames picked out for him. his heart fluttered, feeling extra sweet because of you.
i’m YOUR menace. see you soon! i’ll be the handsome man holding two coffees <3
-yours, seungmin 
you sighed, knowing there was a real chance he’d carry two coffees around that whole day. if there was one thing about seungmin, he’d commit to the bit. 
i’ll run away from you, and i hope you spill one of the coffees on yourself while you chase me. at least we’ll be matching <3
-yours, y/n
from miles away, you and seungmin laughed at the same time. similarly, you both played out different meet-cute scenarios for the rest of the night. seungmin would never admit this to you, but he’d love to see the excited look on your face if your chosen meet-cute was what fate had in store.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
though you returned home later than usual, you were still surprised to see the sticky note halfway filled up by the time you sat at your desk. 
my schedules start before sunrise tomorrow, so i have to go to bed early, like a grandpa. chan says this is a good time to go to bed…what else would we expect though? anyways, i’m sorry i won’t get to write back tonight. tell me about your day! i’ll read it as soon as i wake up. i promise. :-)
sleep well, and i’ll see you tomorrow~
-yours, seungmin
your heart sank a little at the fact you wouldn’t be able to interact directly with seungmin the night before the long-awaited day. however, the butterflies in your stomach reminded you that there was plenty to be excited about.
hi soulmate~ i’m jealous you’re sleeping so early. i was out late because i had to get everything ready before attending the live show recording tomorrow (i still can’t believe i won that ticket lottery!). i’m worried i won’t be able to sleep well from the excitement. 
don’t forget about my outfit! just look for the best-dressed person and you’ll find me :-)
i’ll be sending you the strength to get through your schedules! i can’t wait to see you tomorrow~
-yours, y/n
you smiled to yourself, feeling in your heart that seungmin would start his day off happy, as you finally gave him the greeting he’d been waiting for.
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ 
from the second he read your note, seungmin couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. everyone noticed the way he beamed, so it didn’t take long for them to put together that he’d be meeting you today. his members were painfully obvious about trying to catch a glimpse of you wherever they went. seungmin was in such a good mood that he didn’t even tease them that much. 
realizing that the live show recording was almost definitely where you’d meet, seungmin noticed that his palms were sweatier than normal. he shook them out, taking deep breaths to calm his heart rate. this may not have been the first stage for their new song, but it was the first stage you’d be at, so the stakes were high. 
despite the nerves from the night before, you were happily enjoying yourself at the show. of course, every performance was incredible, and the crowd was energetic. by the time there was only one act left, you felt your body start to grow tired. an adrenaline rush hit you full force, however, when you saw the name “stray kids” light up the stage.
jaw dropped, you were silent while the rest of the crowd screamed. your eyes raced to find seungmin. he was on the opposite end of the stage, giving you at least a chance at composing yourself before he saw your face. the music started, and you joined the crowd’s cheers. seungmin’s stage presence and vocals in person were breathtaking, and you felt a swell of pride knowing that your soulmate was so talented.
as though he could sense you were thinking of him, seungmin turned his head to the area where you stood. the second you locked eyes, seungmin grinned like an excited puppy. he waved to you, feeling giddy enough to make a heart with his hands. you matched his energy, smiling widely and bouncing from the magic of it all. there he was, just across the room, saying “hi” to you and only you.
per the instructions seungmin mouthed from the stage, you waited in your seat for a bit until a staff member brought you backstage. despite the recording being done, the halls were crowded with bustling employees and idols alike. all of the noise was drowned out by someone calling your name.
“hey y/n! i like your outfit!”
you turned around, seeing seungmin waving again. he beamed, and you rushed over to him. 
“you remembered!”
seungmin laughed at your excitement, “i did forget my coffee though. it looks like your meet-cute won in the end.”
his eyes twinkled as he looked at you. rather than feeling nervous, you two chattered endlessly. you giggled at the way seungmin blushed when you complimented his performance. in turn, seungmin giggled at the way you blushed when he called you pretty. being able to have a conversation that exceeded the character limit of a sticky note left both of you with the zoomies, much to the entertainment of seungmin’s eavesdropping members. 
“seungmin!” hyunjin yelled from a suspiciously nearby spot, “we have to leave soon!” hyunjin waved at you, “hi y/n!”
you waved back, and seungmin told you to ignore hyunjin, which made you laugh. as you exchanged contact information, you kept your promise and examined seungmin’s phone case.
“i like your phone case, seungmin! it matches your style perfectly,” you pointed at the object in his hand.
“thank you!” seungmin grinned for the umpteenth time that day, proudly holding the phone out for you to see, “this is the best part, if you ask me.”
you were surprised to see a sticky note in the back of his phone case. you leaned closer to examine it, and you felt a wave of fondness wash over you. in his hand, seungmin held one of your earliest sticky notes. on it, you had drawn a picture of what you thought seungmin looked like, purely based on how he wrote. you were way off, which you learned once you saw a picture of him online. it did accurately capture seungmin’s personality, though, so seungmin was quite proud of your artistry. 
“it’s a one-of-a-kind drawing, so i wanted to show it off.”
seungmin’s tone was teasing, but you could feel the compliment, “you’re so sweet, seungmin! maybe i should have a matching one?”
he nodded, “i better see the portrait i drew of you in your phone case next time i see you.”
you laughed, “understood! i feel chan staring at us, so you should get going. call me when you get home?”
“of course!” seungmin smiled, “promise me one more thing?”
“hmm,” you feigned deep thought, “it depends on what it is.”
“next time you come to watch us perform, sit by my side of the stage.”
“only if i can see lee know too.”
seungmin glared at you momentarily, breaking into a laugh because he was so endeared by the pout you gave in response. after you said your goodbyes, you watched seungmin bound down the hall to meet his members. before he went around the corner, he turned to wave to you again, mouthing goodbye, soulmate!
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
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koqabear · 2 years ago
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「 Camera Shy 」
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♫: Automatic, Red Velvet // Movie Star, CIX // Color Me, JUNNY // Kitty Cat, KISS OF LIFE
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“You’ve always tried to live an honest and responsible life; never spending money on anything ridiculous, scoffing at the things other people would be so willing to drop their paycheck on. But when life gets hard, you’re bound to give into your guilty pleasures, right?”
camboy!Beomgyu x fem!reader
Genre: f2l, smut, pw/minimal plot 
Word count: 14.4K (there’s like three different smut scenes here)
Warnings: gyu has a thing for glasses idk don’t question me, (mc wears glasses, not necessarily prescription), gyu is lowkey manipulative if u squint, slight possessiveness on his part? nothing toxic (i think), alcohol consumption, gyu has a tattoo.. 
smut warnings: gyu is a bit of a perv! mean dom!Beomgyu, sub!mc, masturbation (f&m), filmed sex, (consensual), dirty talk, degrading, use of toys (f&m rec.), exhibitionism, voyeurism technically, bit of a voice/hand kink? slight humiliation kink, mentions of safe words & subspace, mentions of squirting lmao, manhandling, spanking, pet names (princess, baby, etc.), fingering, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, marking, dry humping, handcuffing, biting, unprotected sex, dumbification, dacryphilia, creampie (lmk if i should add anything!)
Notes: lemme tell you. i wrote abt the tattoo before i stumbled upon that pic, when i tell you i was just ??? barely proof-read heehee. the thought of this au hit me like a that-so-raven vision, and I literally spent the whole day making sure I could finish this. enjoy bc i love camboy aus sm. (oh and pls, do me a favor and reblog— i have an ominous feeling about what’ll happen to this fic once i post it.)
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Beomgyu has always found the idea of his work a bit ridiculous. 
Day by day, he’s a normal college student— he spends his early mornings in classes, taking all the morning slots everyone was always reluctant to enroll in before he went off to work; he was known as that cute server amongst the women that visited the restaurant he worked at, able to upsell and gain tips with ease as he quickly became a favorite amongst his coworkers.
He liked the attention— of course he did, he needed to in order to thrive in the field of his actual job, his hours at the restaurant nothing but a side hustle compared to the hundreds he could make of a single stream.
Those hundreds could always breach into the thousands— but those were on especially good days, like his annual Valentine’s Day stream he always held for his lonely, single viewers. 
Beomgyu was quite the sweet talker— he got the practice from his day-to-day shifts, watching girls his age and older fawn at his words and flutter their eyes playfully. It was clear they enjoyed the attention just as much as he did, a cute smile on his face as he faked a shy laugh whenever they would compliment him.
Your hair looks really nice today. You smell amazing. Do you work out? You have a really nice voice. 
He got that last compliment a lot.
“Do I?” he would purr, a sultry smile crawling on his face each time, like a practiced action as he would tilt his head teasingly— the reaction would be positive each time, without fail, and he would always end up with a collection of napkins with scrawled phone numbers every time he would clock out— his coworkers would poke fun at him every time they watched him dump them all out apathetically. 
You weren’t into that one person? Dude, the lady at table seven was so fucking hot.
Beomgyu never really paid mind to their teasing— he could care less for the men and women that tried to butter him up during his shifts, forced to act as though their shameless flirting didn’t make his stomach twist unpleasantly— instead, he would be forced to smile, laughing sheepishly before he would slip away with one last comment. 
“I’m flattered, really— but, I have someone I’m interested in.” 
That someone was you— the pretty girl that sat across from him during his ten am lecture, finding himself spacing out every time and staring off into your direction; though you never seemed to notice, much too caught up in taking notes as he watched the way your brows would furrow, biting at your lip and adjusting your glasses as you remained focused— whether those glasses were for reading, blue light, prescription, or even decoration, he didn’t care— all he cared about was how unnecessarily attractive you looked in them. 
He thought about you more than he liked to admit— it was frustrating at first, his thoughts starting as nothing more than puppy love to something worse— it was only after you piqued his interest that he began streaming more. 
This was both a good and bad thing; good because, well, he began to climb the ranks of popularity and earn more, but bad because he would find himself thinking of you. Each. And every. Time. 
“Wish I could fuck you,” he would sigh out, his comments going too fast for him to keep up with as his eyes fluttered shut; leaning back against his headboard, he shifts, making sure everything but his lips remain out of frame before he’s back to closing his eyes, “would you let me make you feel good? God, I’d do anything just to feel you, taste you…”
As far as his audience knows, he’s speaking to them— the comments grow wild and tips flood in, all asking him to stop being a tease as they watch the way he palms himself through his sweatpants; grabbing at his length, stroking it slowly as he lets his imagination run wild. 
He’s not wearing boxers; Beomgyu knows it drives his viewers mad, able to see as a wet spot begins to form on the light material, his tip leaking furiously as his other hand tugs the hem of his sweater over his chest— his vision is hazy as he reads the requests, laughing softly as he allows his fingers to trace along his chest absentmindedly— tracing over the muscle of his abdomen, circling his nipples slowly as he reads a comment under his breath.
Stop teasing and hurry up already !! >///<
The comment has him rolling his eyes— yet his usual tippers begin to request the same thing, and his hand is slowly tugging at the tied strings of his pants as he smiles, mocking and mean as he bites his lip. 
“Hurry up? You want to command me while you’re over here throwing money at me like a whore? All just to watch me fuck myself, dreaming that it could be you?”
The comments start speeding up; it’s all a blur to him, but the sound of money coming in is enough to tell him that his usual audience is active again.
“Pathetic,” he sighs, his voice deep and grumbly as he reads over the requests that come in with the money: yes, i wish it were me there… please, can we see your cock?
“Desperate little sluts,” Beomgyu hums, tugging his waistband down and allowing his cock to spring up; it smacks against his stomach, and though the people in his comments attempt to regain his attention with dirty words and useless requests, he knows it’s all because of you— guiltily, he finds his thoughts straying the moment his hand wraps around his cock. 
His streams have a certain formula to them; the more money, the better the show. Which is exactly why he ends up kneeling in front of the camera, fucking his cock into a clear flashlight as he listens to the sounds of tips coming in left and right— but his eyes remained shut, spilling enough filth to have his audience satisfied as he allows to let his imagination run wild. 
In every stream, he cums to the thought of you; he has to bite his lip to not moan out your name like a pathetic bitch in heat, flooding his fleshlight with cum and continuing to fuck into it until his next orgasm.
In every stream, he finds himself thinking the same thought at least once— do you watch his streams?
»»»
The concept of camboys is ridiculous to you.
Why in the world would you spend all your money and emotions on a single person, when you can just go on Twitter and find the next best account that has yet to be suspended? Well, it’s not as though you find the idea of sex work appalling, but you don’t think you’d ever feel good about yourself spending a hard-earned paycheck because you were horny. 
You’re not stupid; you know sex workers make bank, and you know that there are people in the world that love emptying out their bank accounts to such workers; whether it’s due to a kink or to feed into their parasocial relationship, you’re not sure. 
You find that a good session on Twitter and your fingers usually does the trick— maybe a toy or two, if you find yourself feeling that needy. 
Today’s session quickly becomes both disappointing and humbling; every account you try to look for has either been suspended or deleted, and every video you come across is something that’s not to your taste or something you’ve seen many, many times. 
You feel weak as you come across the same account again; guiltypleasures— and he’s damn right, because you’re unable to resist the urge to click on his icon, feeling your thighs rub together with impatience as you sit back in bed— scrolling through, you’re surprised to see that he’s posted another video— without a second thought, you’re watching it. 
“Fucking pathetic,” he sighs out, the familiar growled phrase making you gulp; you never found yourself to be too attracted to men who are extremely dominating and mean, but the man on your screen is somehow able to make it work as you find yourself getting wetter, “are you touching yourself right now? Don’t you wish I was there with you?”
And shit, you think you know why he’s able to make you come back to him every time, even if he’s posted nothing new and you’re forced to rewatch old videos most of the time; maybe it’s because of his hands, delicate and thin as they wrap around his favorite pocket pussy, or maybe it’s the way he slowly fucks into the said toy; stretching it out, his tip poking out and oozing enough cum that you can hear the wet squelching sounds that come from every thrust.
Or maybe, it’s his voice, deep and breathy and addicting as he mumbles out filthy things like it’s the only thing he knew how to do; his lips are red and swollen as he groans, hissing through his teeth as you watch the way his hands tighten around his toy. 
“Shit, I’d fuck you so good,” he sighs out, hips rutting into the toy in his hands as he laughs; his head tilts, and though you’re only able to see his lips, you know his eyes are teasing as he looks into the camera, “fuck you so that you’d never want anyone else but me.”
His thrusts are picking up— you didn’t even realize the moment you began touching yourself, embarrassing whimpers and breaths falling from your lips as you keep your eyes honed in on his motions; you’re close, so close, your ministration speeding up as you fight to keep your eyes open. 
“You’d be my good little cumdump, just for me to use— right?”
The video ends shortly after.
God damn it! your mind screams, the sudden cut-off catching you so off guard that you completely ruined your orgasm; you feel insanely embarrassed by how frustrated you feel, not realizing how short the clip he posted was until now. Clicking away, you feel as though your mood is ruined as you read the contents of his tweet. 
A small clip from the stream. Watch the rest here: https://…..
Shit. Of course he would be a camboy. How did you not realize this sooner?
Honestly, if you sounded like that, you would be one too— and frustratingly enough, the brief cutoff is a damn good marketing strategy, because after a moment of thought, you’re clicking on the link.
You could just rewatch the video— you could also just go rewatch his previous videos, or even use your imagination to help you finish— but the idea of doing so is much more unpleasant than usual. (And humiliating, because you’ve found with horror that you’ve begun to memorize how his previous, equally as short, clips go.)
Your resolve begins to weaken the moment you click on his page— because of course, everything costs money— It costs to see his previous streams, costs to message him, and costs to get a fucking membership. 
Who is paying for all this?!
You, apparently— because after some serious, slightly horny-impaired thought, you decide that getting a low-tier membership wouldn’t be too bad, right?
The cost is monthly (because of course it is, this website seems to want to charge you for just looking at his page) and you wince slightly as you watch your transaction go through. 
Once you see the notification of your purchase pop up on your phone, you feel dreadfully sobered. 
Because shit, being a low-tier subscriber only gets you a part of his most recent streams— about less than half of it, you notice— only able to get full access to streams prior to this month. It’s enough for now, but you can’t help but feel as though you’ve become the very thing you’ve despised as you lay back in your bed, staring at your ceiling for a moment before you’re sighing.
You’re still horny. 
»»»
You think you can get behind the whole camboy thing. One may say you’ve been swayed, and quite honestly, you don’t think you could dispel such claims at this point.
Because it’s been a few months, and you’ve managed to stay through the whole thing. You’re surprised that you’ve begun to keep his streaming times in mind as you go about your day, ending your study sessions early or wondering if you’ll get home from work in time to watch his streams. 
You always do. Maybe it’s a deity above making sure you get your money’s worth, or maybe it’s the fact that guiltypleasures is a human too, with a normal life and better shit to do than sit in front of a camera and jerk off all day. 
The idea of following in his footsteps has crossed your mind more often than you expected; anything would be better than being a hostess at this god-awful job you have, forced to sit through the way people take out their anger on you and proceed to flirt with the servers— one of those servers being Beomgyu.
You were able to realize how popular Beomgyu was after your second shift— it didn’t take a genius to figure out why as you were left to deal with the way women of your age and older (mostly older. So many older women.) would creep up to you shyly, putting up a front of innocence as they asked you is Beomgyu here today? Could we sit in his area, please?
Seeing him rack up tips after a busy shift is always enough to have you wondering if you should switch to being a server— but then you see the way the women are treated, your stomach flipping in disgust at the way men leer and comment at them— you’ve even seen Beomgyu get cursed at plenty of times as well, shivering at the jealous partners and the way they’ve been blacklisted for threatening him. 
Tonight is one of those nights. You’ve clocked out, shrugging on your jacket and gathering your belongings when you see Beomgyu storm in through the employee entrance; you don’t think you’ve ever seen him angry, but the sight has your eyes widening as you watch the way he frowns at his uniform, cursing angrily under his breath as he approaches the break table you stand by. 
“Fuck,” he hisses, low and breathy and mean as he continues complaining, berating the customer that had the audacity to throw their drink at him— but you, in your very depraved state, remain stuck on the way he sounds, his voice far too attractive for a person who is spouting out filth.
This feels familiar. 
“Hey, you okay?” you ask softly, feeling awkward as you mentally slap yourself for your train of thought; it seems as though Beomgyu hadn’t even realized you were there, his head snapping up as he stares at you like a deer caught in headlights— his mood is immediately shifting as he sends you a sweet smile, acting as though his clothes aren’t soaked as he waves you off causally. 
“Yeah. Just some ridiculous customers,” he says, laughing softly as he grabs at a pile of napkins on the table; you wince as you watch him scrub roughly at the stains, unable to stop yourself as you jump to his aide. 
“Here, you’ll only get the stains in deeper if you do that,” you say, taking the napkin from his hands as you begin to dab at his uniform without much thought; you’re much closer than you should be to someone you’ve never really talked to, but you don’t seem to realize it as Beomgyu practically forgets to breathe from your proximity. 
Shit, how did he find himself in this situation? He might as well go back out and thank the jealous, “tough guy” boyfriend that threw his drink at Beomgyu, because he feels as though every guilty fantasy is coming back to mind as he takes in your concentrated expression, your hand placed firmly on his chest for support as the other dabs at the stains in his uniform. 
You smell so good. Even though you’ve been in the restaurant just as long as him and have been around food this whole time, he’s still able to pick up on your scent with every shaky breath he takes. 
You’re wearing your glasses, too.
Beomgyu’s mind is wandering off to dangerous places; he knows he needs to get himself under control, because the danger of him popping a boner just from how close you are is a higher probability than he’d like to admit. It seems as though you’re snapping out of your trance the moment he clears his throat, your face growing hot and slightly horrified as you jump back; Beomgyu can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips at the sight, finding your embarrassment oddly endearing. 
“Sorry, got carried away,” you say, smiling shakily as you take in the way Beomgyu practically beams at you— always a sweet, nice guy, waving you off without a problem as he laughs softly.
“No, it seems to have helped,” he says, and you can’t help but notice how oddly charismatic he is even now, during this mundane interaction that has you stuttering over your words stupidly— but to be fair, how are you supposed to give him advice on how to get the stains out when he’s looking at you with the cutest god damn puppy eyes you’ve ever seen, his brown eyes round and sparkly as he listens intently to every word you say? 
“I wouldn’t have thought to do that,” he smiles, his cheeks puffing up cutely and oh, is it weird that you want to coo at how cute he is and pinch his cheeks…? 
Definitely weird, you decide, letting out a soft laugh as he tells you that he’ll try it as soon as he gets home. 
“Speaking of which, I’ll let you go; you probably don’t want to be here longer than necessary,” Beomgyu is so kind and considerate even as you tell him it’s fine and that you didn’t have any plans after work anyway. 
“I’ll let you get back to work,” you can’t help the soft laugh that escapes you as Beomgyu asks you to wish him luck, the smile he sports coy as you follow his command without any hesitation— you take this as your chance to leave before things get awkward, but a part of you itches to go back and talk to him more. 
Beomgyu’s good, you realize as you’re exiting the building, a bewildered laugh escaping you as you realize that he managed to charm you just from that short interaction. 
You get why he’s so popular. 
»»»
Any plans to go to bed early and rest are immediately thrown out the minute your phone buzzes beside you. 
You were just about to put your laptop away— just on the verge of falling asleep, until your eyes reluctantly drifted to read the words that take over your screen— it’s a Twitter notification, the username making your eyes widen as you’re scrambling to unlock your phone and read the rest. 
guiltypleasures
had a shitty shift today, let me take it out on you? https://…….
Oh. oh, oh lord… you can feel the exhaustion lifted off in an instant; suddenly, you’re wide awake, eyes widening as you quickly copy the link of his tweet into your browser— while your mind scolds you for trying to stay up and possibly ruining your sleep schedule, the other, much more sinister part of it tells you that you’re paying for a reason. 
The stream starts in five minutes. 
While you wait anxiously in your room, your hands swiftly going to your nightstand to take out some toys— your trusty vibrator and a dildo you recently bought, all because of him— Beomgyu paces around his setup, gathering his own toys and changing into something that the viewers might like; today's ensemble is a bit more bothersome than usual, but he knows how much his viewers like when he dresses up and role plays a bit with them. 
He was tired; today's shift took a toll on him, and he’d rather be fast asleep than putting on a stream— but after looking at today's earnings, he couldn’t help but feel unsatisfied with it all, deciding on impulse that he would put on a stream to make up for his lack of tips— instead, he’ll earn tips in another way. 
“Hey,” he starts quietly, sitting back in his seat as he takes a glance at his monitor, making sure his face is out of frame. The viewer count rises and comments flood in no time, all of them freaking out about how good he looks in the suit he wears; the all-black ensemble feels stifling to him, but he knows taking it off will be worth it in the end. 
Bad day today? Let us make you feel better :( 
His top tippers are all begging for his attention, desperate and needy as always as they beg for him to get started— but he feels a lot more sluggish than usual, his gloved hands caressing his thighs slowly as he reads the comments out loud. 
“Yeah, today’s shift wasn’t that great,” he speaks, his voice deep and sultry as he allows a moment to pass, reading all the comments that beg for him to use them, “I only thought about you though. Just wanted to see you.”
There he goes again— he’s no longer talking to his audience, but to you instead, closing his eyes and imagining a world where you’re in front of him, or even on the other side of this screen, one of the many faces that lusts over the way his cock begins to harden, the bulge becoming much more apparent as he lets his mind wander.
Unbeknownst to him, you are on the other side of your screen; a shy and flustered mess as you shift in your bed, watching the comments fly by as you wonder if you should join in— not that you could, anyway, your low-tier subscription excluding you from doing such things, as ridiculous as it is. 
You’re practically devouring the man on your screen with your eyes; taking in the way he’s dressed, his pretty hands covered with leather gloves as he runs them slowly over his black trousers; stopping as they run back to his hips, a hand beginning to palm at his bulge as he spreads his legs a little wider in his chair— today's setup is a bit different, along with his attitude as he seems to sweet talk the audience more than usual. 
“Seeing you is the only good part of my day,” he sighed, his free hand trailing up his chest before it stops at his tie— he’s tugging at it, loosening it and allowing it to hang around his neck as he continues, “Can’t stop thinking about how much I want you, how I’d fuck you until all you can remember is my name.”
The offer is tempting; you groan a little as you watch him begin to slide off his blazer, throwing it to the side before he’s unbuttoning his white shirt— he’s making quick work to become undressed, you notice, untucking the material and undoing his belt as the sounds of it jingling ring out in the room. 
Yet, no one knows his name— no one knows anything about him, except the tattoo that runs across his side as he slides off his shirt, the sharp, elegant lines running all along his ribs, trailing down to his hip bones and disappearing under his pants— the rest of him remaining a mystery as you’re left to lust over a nameless, faceless stranger. 
That’s probably where the appeal comes from; you’re able to imagine anything about him, from what his face looks like to what he may do when the cameras are off; you’re free to mold him into the perfect fantasy, using him and projecting onto him as you watch him slowly unzip his pants, a hand slipping under as he begins to jerk himself off teasingly, slow as always as he waits for the requests to come in— like clockwork, your eyes fall to the end of his tattoo, taking in the cute heart that rests by his hip bone, the ending of the elaborate piece that always has you wondering what it’d be like to see in person. 
“Hmm? You want more?” he says, tilting his head slightly as he smiles; it’s mocking as always, biting into his lip as he begins to roll his hips into his hand— making a show out of it, throwing his head back and letting out a breathy moan that has you shivering.
“How about you show me just how much you want it,” he sighs out, smiling evilly as tips begin to come in left and right as a response; you find the way he’s able to manipulate the audience impressive, always able to get them to blow their money on him without hesitation. 
He leans forward, towards the screen, and you’re able to admire his lips as he reads the comments, mouthing them as the lights cast a glow on his pretty, pouty mouth, his neck tempting and begging to be marked as you watch the way he displays it so teasingly. 
“Good girl,” he laughs softly, your eyes flickering to the comment section for a moment; his top tipper has spent an egregious amount on him yet again, and you listen to the way he softly begins to fulfill her request, the rest of the audience momentarily disappearing as he begins to speak to her. 
“Always such an obedient thing for me, hmm? Tell me, what do you want to see?” 
His manipulation is seamless as he watches another tip flood in; all from the same person, the amount doubled in order to get his attention past all the others that blow a measly twenty on him, nothing compared to the three hundred that is highlighted in gold, the comment momentarily pinned for the man to read it.
I want you to fuck your favorite fleshlight and use a vibrator while you think of me. Can you moan my name please? It’s—
Her comment has your eyes widening for a second; it’s bold and demanding, and the idea of requesting such a thing from the camboy in front of you is daunting as you read her request over and over— your face feels hot and you’re already taking off your sweatpants from how needy you are, wondering if the man on your screen will accept such a request.
The first two are nothing to him— in fact, it’s more on the tamer side as he already finds himself reaching for the aforementioned toys. 
The problem lies in the last request. 
He’s not one to moan names on a live stream; he usually saves it for personal requests he gets, the videos much more personal and calculated as he gets to take his time with them— so for his top tipper to request such a thing on his livestream is a bit more difficult; especially when he spends this time thinking of you. 
But then again, it’s three hundred dollars. 
“Okay then, is that what you want? Hmm?” he teases softly, purring out her name at the end as he watches the way she tips him again; it has him laughing in amusement, sitting back in his chair before he’s crossing his arms over his chest, singing out her name with a soft lilt as he watches the way she continues to pour money at him like it’s nothing. 
Soon enough, more requests come in; all with the same amount and request, hoping that they’ll be able to hear their names fall from his lips as he slowly begins to tug down his pants, raising his hips as he’s left in nothing but his underwear, the briefs straining painfully as his cock twitches, begging to be free. 
“One at a time,” he murmurs sweetly, patronizing as he mumbles that it’s her turn now, watching the way she seems to react with every purr of her name. 
The sudden trend of requests makes his stream slightly difficult; he’s always found himself to be a lot more into them when he’s mentally moaning out your name, lips ghosting over the syllables every time he’s coming undone. Instead, he’s forced to moan out the name of a stranger as he begins to palm himself slowly, even though his mind thinks back to you and the small interaction you had today. 
He feels his cock twitch at the mere thought. It’s painfully hard and won’t stop leaking as he takes it out, not needing to use any lubricant as he begins stroking it slowly, hips jumping at the feeling of the leather against his skin— and though his lips moan another’s name, his eyes remain closed, thinking about you. 
You and your meek personality, always letting guests take out their anger on you before they’re turning around and sucking up to Beomgyu— he’s always had to resist the urge to fuck them up as a response, knowing that you think no one else notices your sullied mood and your crestfallen gaze every time they seem to get away with it. 
He’s never free to comfort you. You’re both far too busy to be around each other for longer than a few minutes, and today was like a blessing as he caught you at just the right time— he would have stayed the rest of his shift back there talking to you, if only he hadn’t been playing the part of a sweet, considerate guy. 
He thinks back to how you felt against him. How, even though your actions were innocent and you were much more focused on taking out the stain of his uniform, he still felt the warmth of your hand against his chest, delicate and smaller than his as you leaned in close enough to allow himself to get a whiff of your sweet scent.
And those glasses. 
He never thought he would find himself hung up on such an item, but the way they make your eyes look big and sparkly is practically enough to make him cum on the spot. Instead, he grabs a hold of his newest fleshlight, soft and tight, just how he imagines you would be. 
It’s perverted, but as he slides his cock into the tight sleeve, groaning slightly at how he’s barely able to push through, he imagines that it’s you. His mind begins to wonder what it would be like if you were above him right now, your thighs encasing his and your pussy leaking onto his cock as he fucked into you without abandon. 
As he turns on his vibrator, running it along his balls and letting out pathetic moans, he imagines what it would be like to use it on you while he fucked you, imagining the way your tits would bounce and your eyes would squeeze shut as he made you cum until you were unable to hold yourself up. 
On the other side of the screen, you imagine the same thing. Your legs are shaking and you’re fighting to keep your eyes open as you follow the pace he’s set, pressing your vibrator firmly against your clit and letting out weak whimpers at the sensation. You try to ignore the way he calls out the same name over and over, wondering instead what it would be like to hear your name from his lips— the sound is ringing throughout your mind the moment you imagine it, burying your face into your pillow as you increase the intensity of your toy. 
“Let me fill you up, want you dripping with my cum,” he growls out, the sloppy sounds of his thrusts only spurring you on as your thighs close around your hand, hips grinding into your dildo as you sink your teeth into your lip ruthlessly— it’s almost enough to draw blood as you watch the way he cums into his toy, hips continuing to rut into the it even long after he’s come, a white ring forming at the base as he turns the vibrator off from the overstimulation. 
“_— Shit,” Beomgyu almost slipped up for a second, proceeding to moan out his requested name repeatedly as a distraction. 
And you know you’re imagining it, but you’re briefly coming undone after that, your pussy tightening against your dildo and your legs shaking as you run your vibrator along your clit, imagining that it’s him inside you, that he’s currently spilling his load in your cunt— your mind swearing that you almost heard your name slip from his lips for a second— and it isn’t until you recover from your orgasm, the sound of another name leaving his lips repeatedly making you come to, that you realize it was your brain playing trick on you to help you get off. 
But you weren’t imagining things. 
Beomgyu hopes his audience didn’t pick up on his small mistake, but he’s relieved to see that they’re none the wiser as they continue to request to hear their name next.
“Let’s see…” he says, and you’re barely able to keep your eyes open as you watch the way he leans towards the camera again, reading requests off the monitor as he grinds his hips into his toy absentmindedly throughout it.
He’s barely getting started.
In turn, so are you. 
»»»
Beomgyu is the sweetest guy you’ve ever met. 
After your brief conversation at the restaurant, you quickly found yourself talking to him more often. 
It turned into him sitting next to you during the one class you shared, your friendship growing stronger day by day as you got to know him better. 
He acts like a puppy; he’s so sweet and kind, his voice soft and endearing every time he spoke to you— and, like a stark contrast to the flirty and outgoing guy you saw during your shifts at the restaurant, he was very shy, ever the gentleman as he always treated you with nothing but kindness. 
“Good morning,” Beomgyu hums, sitting in the seat next to yours before he’s placing down a cup of coffee, “I got this for you. I already finished mine, but I thought you might like some too.”
Sweet gestures like these were common with him; despite your insistence that he really didn’t need to, he always did it anyway, ever the charming man as he sent you a cute smile that would have you unable to say no. 
“Hey, I heard you’re friends with Yeonjun?” you ask, reluctantly accepting the drink after he insisted that you didn’t need to feel bad; your lips are curving into a small smile as you take a drink, stomach flipping at the realization that it was your usual order— you’re surprised he was able to remember it after the first time you got coffee together. 
Beomgyu nods in confirmation. You’re a bit surprised by his answer, unable to see the two be friends due to their contrasting personalities. You can tell that he’s curious as to why you’re asking as he pouts slightly— a habit he always does when he’s confused— and you’re quick to swallow down your drink and give him context.
“He’s having a party this weekend. I was wondering if you’re going?” you say, and Beomgyu feels his stomach drop slightly; not because you were going— well, not entirely, at least— but because if you were going, you’d definitely end up seeing a different side of him. And after seeing how fond you are of his puppy-like behavior, he dreads seeing your reaction to a much more reckless side of him.
“I… think so,” he says sheepishly, wondering what kind of excuse he should make to not go— but he pauses, seeing the way you pout at him, grabbing his arm desperately as you lean into him as you plead.
“You should go— pleeeasee? Yeonjun’s parties are super over the top and he always invites hella people, I don’t wanna be there alone.” 
You have this man wrapped around your finger; with one look at your face, your gaze sweet and pleading as you cutely pout at him expectantly, he finds himself agreeing, unable to fight back a smile as he watches the way you cheer triumphantly, quieting down the moment the lecture starts. 
Beomgyu will definitely have to be careful this weekend— but seeing you will be worth it, even if he’s risking the chance of potentially changing the way you’ll view him forever. 
»»»
You have yet to see Beomgyu. 
The party started hours ago, yet you’ve only been present for a few as you’ve already both greeted and lost Yeonjun, forced to mingle with people you barely know as you all hang out in his backyard— because lord knows how packed and stuffy the place would’ve been if he held it inside. 
You currently find yourself playing cup pong, teaming with the girl in your communications class as you go against two strangers— Yunjin is much friendlier and outgoing when she’s drunk, cheering you on and yelling triumphantly with every ball you get in— you’ve barely had anything to drink as a result, and Yunjin is eager to fix that as she hands you a small shot cup; you’re hesitant at first, only accepting it after she explains that it isn’t strong at all, the soju mixed in with other things as she tells you you’ll barely feel it. 
It’s not that you’re a lightweight that would get drunk off one shot, but you’d rather not get shit-faced when you have yet to find Beomgyu; your eyes scan over the place once more after you take the shot, Yunjin’s cheers falling deaf onto your ears as you allow the team in front of you have their turn. 
“Drinking already?”
Beomgyu has snuck up on you successfully— you’re flinching in surprise as you feel his hand fall gently on the small of your back, leaning in close so he’s properly able to speak to you over the music. 
Beomgyu feels as though looking at you is a sin; he’s forcing himself to keep his eyes off you, listening to the way you ramble into his ear about how happy you are to see him, your head tilting back and exposing the column of your neck to him to get him to hear you. 
“You’re not wearing your glasses,” he comments, oddly hung up on it as he watches the way your smile only widens.
“Yeah, didn’t feel like it,” you say lightheartedly, leaning back against Beomgyu and finding comfort in the position that allows the two of you to speak over the booming music.
Unbeknownst to you, he takes this moment to drink in your appearance. The white, oversized button-up you wear is left completely open as it drapes over your figure, the light blue denim shorts entirely too tempting as they ride up your thighs, much too short to even cover you properly— but of course, that’s the look you were going for, leaving your bottoms unbuttoned and folded down as you allow your bikini to peek through— the color is flattering on your skin, and Beomgyu wonders if he’ll be strong enough to resist you, eyes flickering over to the pool that’s filled with plenty of people as a distraction. 
“You wanna go in?” you ask, and Beomgyu realizes you’ve followed his line of sight, shaking his head quickly in response. You laugh, turning around briefly as you listen to the sounds of Yunjin telling you that you have to drink— you freely down the shot in the plastic cup this time, much more at ease now that Beomgyu is around— and turn back to him, pulling at his shirt slightly as you take in his attire.
“Come on, you’re definitely dressed for the part!” 
And that much was true— though he realized halfway through his drive here that doing so would not be a good idea, especially if he wanted to keep up this cute, innocent act of his.
“It’s too full right now,” he says, his excuse valid as you study the pool for a moment— only to agree, turning back to the game as you tell Beomgyu to cheer for you with a cheeky smile. 
It doesn’t take much longer for you to get tipsy— all because you made the mistake of trusting Yunjin to play properly during her turn, missing entirely and proceeding to get the two of you obliterated after she went against one of the guys on the opposite team (Jake, he later told you.)— but you’re quick to make sure to bring Beomgyu down with you, handing him every other shot you get as you tell him he’s now on your team.
What you don’t seem to realize is that Beomgyu is not a lightweight— far from it, watching with amusement as you slowly begin to get tipsy, your mouth loosening and your personality becoming much more outgoing after losing the game to Jake and his friend— three times in a row. 
“Again?” you ask, laughing at the way Yunjin yells in agreement— Beomgyu has to tug on your shirt to get you away, telling you that it’s definitely not a good idea to go again, especially with someone as uncoordinated as Yunjin. 
“Why didn’t you play with me then?” you say, leaning against him as you smile up at him prettily; he’s leading you away from the table and towards the grass, over to where a small campfire is lit, plenty of chairs scattered about as the music becomes louder in this area. 
“You don’t like games?” you ask him, stumbling to a stop and tugging at his shirt to stop with you, just so he’s able to hear you better. Coyly, you smile, your eyes twinkling mischievously as you lean in to speak to him quietly, “Don’t you wanna play with me?” 
Your words are fairly innocent— but your delivery is not, and it has Beomgyu sputtering in surprise as he wonders how he should respond to such a random advance— though he doesn’t need to in the end, watching as you break character and laugh at your own antics, perking up immediately as you listen to the song that’s playing. 
“Oh, I love this song!” 
You’re dancing carelessly to the song without a second thought, pulling Beomgyu in and laughing at the way he seems reluctant to let loose; it’s probably the alcohol in your system that’s making you act like such an idiot, leaning against him and smiling at the way he seems adamant to avoid your gaze. 
“You know, I just realized that we’re matching!” you laugh, tugging at the collar of his white button-up before you’re glancing down; it’s tucked neatly into his denim shorts, and your smile is only growing wider as you look back up at him, “we look like a couple or something.”
Your words affect him much more than he���d like to admit— but he has no time to dwell on it, eyes looking past you and at Yeonjun, who walks straight toward the two of you with a grin stuck on his face. 
“Hey, why didn’t you tell me you were here?” Yeonjun yells, grabbing your attention as you’re turning to greet Yeonjun; you’re bubbly and seem to find everything funny as you giggle slightly, waving at him happily before you’re stepping away from Beomgyu. 
“I couldn’t find you,” Beomgyu mumbles, watching the way Yeonjun slings an arm around your shoulders casually— he feels oddly angered at the sight, unsure why it irritates him so much to see the two of you act so close. 
“Didn’t know you two were friends,” Yeonjun says, and he watches as you begin to ramble about your history with Beomgyu with a small smile— scanning your outfit, he frowns. 
“You haven’t gotten in the pool yet?” Yeonjun asks, raising a brow at your entirely dry figure; you shake your head, which only makes him tilt his head in confusion, “I thought you said that’s the only reason you were coming?”
“Well, I just haven’t gotten the chance to,” you say sheepishly, the shy smile on your face quickly turning to one of confusion the moment Yeonjun hugs you; he’s got you tight, and you’re stumbling along with him as you begin questioning what he’s doing, your eyes widening the moment you peek over his shoulder— you’re heading straight to the pool, the volume of your yells rising significantly as you begin to struggle against your friend, yelling at Beomgyu to come to your rescue. 
(It’s all for dramatic effect. Yeonjun laughs at the way you pretend to struggle against him, and he pretends he doesn’t hear your laugh of joy the moment he falls over the edge, letting go of you in time and forcing the two of you into the water.)
You’re pleasantly surprised to find that the water isn’t freezing; you personally thank Yeonjun’s heating system as you come up for air, wiping at your face and adjusting your hair as you begin to splash Yeonjun, insulting him for being such a bully. 
Your movements are immediately stopping the moment you spot Beomgyu at the edge— Yeonjun is quick to leave, sending you a small wink (the term “wink” used loosely) before he’s off to find his next target—he’s taken his shoes off and he looks more than ready to jump in, and you can’t help but laugh sweetly at his concern before you realize that you should probably take off your shoes as well.
“You okay?” He asks you, watching the way you cringe as you take off your shoes, tossing them over the edge and leaving them to dry as you swim to where he stands. 
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you smile, watching the way he seems hesitant to do anything— to get in or leave, you’re unsure. A second passes before an evil thought pops into your head, taking notice of your equally soaked clothes that remain stuck on your body.
“Oh. Hey, could you hold this?” you begin, shedding off your shirt before you’re bundling it into a ball, holding out the fabric for him— he crouches down, arm reaching out for your shirt— and you seize your moment, both hands grabbing onto him and tugging as hard as you can. 
And Beomgyu, in his unguarded state, falls in immediately. 
The laugh you let out is pure evil as you watch him fall in, flailing for a second before he’s coming up for air— and honestly, Beomgyu can’t even be mad, at least not when you’re laughing so hard, your face lit up as you take in the way his hair is completely flat on his head. 
“Sorry. Couldn’t help it,” you say, but you don’t look sorry at all as you swim over to your shirt that’s now sunk into the bottom of the pool. You’re diving down to get it, quick to throw it over the edge and by your shoes before you’re tugging off your shorts. You’re glancing back at Beomgyu, relieved to see he doesn’t look angry at all, when you spot something peculiar. 
“Woah, what’s that?” you ask, approaching Beomgyu eagerly as he’s quick to follow your gaze. His cheeks are on fire and his hands are quick to fly onto his ribs, turning away from your curious hands and even more curious gaze as he stutters out an excuse. 
“It’s nothing.” That’s probably one of the lamest things Beomgyu has ever said, and you’re not believing him for a second as your eyes widen at his sudden change in behavior. 
“Is it a tattoo?” you ask, trying to get a peek through the cracks of his fingers; but the water makes everything blurry, unable to get the details of it before you’re humming appreciatively. “Hmm. That’s cool— I didn’t know that was such a common spot to get tattooed.”
“Is it?” he asks, and suddenly, he doesn’t seem to want to hide it anymore. Your curious gaze and awed compliments have him smiling, raising a brow as he feels himself become more confident— the idea that you of all people would judge him seems ridiculous now.
“Who else do you know that has a tattoo here?” you’re late to process the question— only because your eyes are widening as he admits that it is a tattoo, the words flying out of your mouth before you can truly process if it’s a good idea. 
“I don’t know. I’ve just seen it online, I guess.” Of course, this could mean many things— but it means one thing to you, and you’re practically biting your tongue from the sheer terror that you inadvertently admitted to a guilty, secret pleasure of yours.
“Online?” he asks, and you try to not look suspicious as you choose to simply remain quiet and nod. 
“Yeah, like on Pinterest and stuff,” you add, hoping that it’s enough to prove your innocence (to yourself) as you watch Beomgyu nod along to your words. 
“Aren’t your clothes weighing you down?” you ask, eyeing the way he’s barely moved with a small smile, “or like, are you not wearing anything underneath?”
Most of the people here came with their swimsuits underneath— some just opted to strip to their underwear, which is why you didn’t feel alarmed to find people stripping their layers in order to jump into the pool. 
Though, now that you think about it, you feel a bit bad for forcing Beomgyu to get in without much of a warning. Your concerns are quickly soothed, however, when Beomgyu shakes his head, hands coming up to unbutton his shirt before he’s laughing softly at your words. 
“I was wearing my shorts underneath these,” he confesses, your eyes widening as you find yourself going silent— because wow, was Beomgyu always this ripped?
You feel odd as you watch him strip, sliding off his shirt as most of his torso remains underwater; he’s slowly making his way to where you stand by the edge, and you can feel your heart stopping as you take in the look in his eyes. 
Dark. Dangerous. Tempting. You think you’re imagining things as you look away, gulping heavily as you feel yourself sobering suddenly. He’s throwing his shirt in the direction that your pile of clothes lie, and you feel oddly embarrassed by the way you have to look away as he strips his bottoms off as well. 
You’re only glancing back in time to see him hover out of the pool for a second, his upper body coming out of the water as he takes a moment to lay out both your clothing properly. 
Holy shit. 
Was it common for people to have the same tattoo? It surely was, right? Those are the only things that are going through your mind as you observe Beomgyu’s tattoo, taking in the familiarity of each line as your eyes drift down to his v-line— your eyes spot the small, perfect heart that rests right at his pubic bone.
Oh god. Oh god, oh god oh god, you think, trying your best to not lose your shit and melt in a puddle of horror and embarrassment as you realize that Beomgyu has the exact tattoo as guiltypleasures.
It had to be a popular tattoo. Or maybe it was a reference to something, or a drawing a tattoo artist put out to let other people use— anything, it had to be anything else than the conclusion your mind was terrified of making, meeting Beomgyu’s gaze shyly as you realize that he’s caught you staring, hard.
“It’s pretty,” you breathe out, unsure you can trust your voice as you watch Beomgyu sink back into the pool, “Is it… a reference to something?”
Please say yes. Please say yes.
“Thanks,” he starts, leaving you on edge as he takes a moment to inspect his tattoo— running his fingertips over it, tracing over the delicate lines in a way that has you gripping onto the edge of the pool, “and no, it’s not. I designed it myself.”
You’re gonna pass out.
“Really?” you grit out, hoping he can’t pick up on the tension of your voice as you smile, albeit forced, “Like, it’s one of a kind?”
“Yup,” he grins, staring down at his tattoo with a proud look on his face, “One of a kind. My tattoo artist didn’t even post it, upon my request.”
You’re gonna cry. Maybe you’ll scream, or even sink into the pool and try to drown yourself. 
Because Choi Beomgyu, your closest friend for the past few months and the man you may or may have not been beginning to crush on, is guiltypleasures, the man you lust after every night and fucking pay to watch. 
You know they say that quiet guys are the freakiest, but this is too fucking much. 
“That’s so cool,” you say, sinking into the pool so the water is up to your mouth, hoping that you won’t blurt out any more stupidities as you stare off into the distance, attempting to let this new information settle in. 
“Hey, you okay?” he asks, and you hate how attentive Beomgyu has become— even more because everything is starting to click, his husky and deep voice a replica of your stupid camboy’s, your body reacting involuntarily to the sound of it as you simply nod softly. 
“Mhmm,” you hum out, coming out of the water a bit so you can speak, “I think those drinks from earlier fucked up my stomach— I should go home.”
“Oh,” Beomgyu says, and you feel awful for the way he’s become confused at your sudden shift in mood, “Are you sure you’ll be okay driving—?”
“I Ubered here,” you mumble, oddly embarrassed at your words, “cause I knew I’d probably drink a lot.” 
“Well then let me take you home,” he insists, ever the gentleman as you try to say that he shouldn’t, that he should just stay and enjoy the party. 
“It’s dangerous to call an Uber at this hour though,” he continues, his stupid fucking puppy eyes taking a toll on your resolve as you bite your lip, “Plus, I only really came to this party because of you.”
God, what the hell was this behavior?! This innocent, shy, and sweet Beomgyu was a complete one-eighty— scratch that— was an entirely different fucking person than the one that always talked down at you at night, spilling filth like it was in his nature and treating you like you were worthless.
It was a bit terrifying as you watched the way he remained entirely oblivious to the Earth-shattering realization, getting out of the pool and reaching out to help you out with a sweet smile. 
After a second, you take it. 
You feel so awkward as you gather your clothes; you’re jumpy and you’re sure Beomgyu has picked up on it as he eyes you from time to time, watching as you wring out your clothes as much as you can before you’re slipping on your shirt, your shorts left in your hand as you avoid Beomgyu’s eyes entirely. 
“I have a few blankets in my car— you should use those to keep yourself warm,” he says softly, looking back at you and frowning at the way you only nod with a tense smile. 
Was he wrong about you? Were you lying when you reacted positively to his tattoo? Beomgyu has no idea why something as simple as a tattoo would change the way you treat him entirely, but he’s determined to get to the bottom of this as you enter his car, entirely stiff as you wrap one of his aforementioned blankets around yourself. 
“Hey, did something happen tonight?” He asks you halfway through his drive, licking his lips nervously as he watches the way you jump in your seat, not expecting his question at all as you remain silent for a second.
“Uhm, no?” you say, though you seem unsure of your own answer as you wrap the blankets a little tighter around yourself, “I’m telling you, it was probably the drinks— I didn’t think my stomach would be so sensitive tonight.”
Your explanation is entirely plausible, but Beomgyu doesn’t believe it as he watches the way you remain tense, his car slowing to a stop as the two of you wait at the stoplight in an awkward silence. 
“You’re lying,” Beomgyu says, deciding that it’s better to just be bold instead of tiptoeing around the subject, “Is it because of my tattoo?”
Your lips press together. 
“It is,” he says, and he feels an unexpected wave of disappointment and anger wash over him, “did something that small put you off that much?”
“That’s not it,” you say, your heart pounding against your chest and your body heating up as you realize that you’ve upset him— and greatly, because you’re able to see the way his brows knit together and his hand tightens on the steering wheel as he begins to drive again. 
Did he think you were judging him? That you thought less of him because of such a small thing? 
“Then what is it?” he insists, and you’re mortified to see that you’re stuck in traffic, victim to Beomgyu’s sharp gaze that demands answers, “Cause you’ve been acting weird since I showed it to you.”
“I’ve seen it before,” you mutter quietly, sinking into your seat from the humiliation, “I recognized it. Your tattoo.”
Beomgyu pauses. Then he thinks of the many times he’s had his shirt ride up when he’s around you, from stretching to taking off his hoodie and having his undershirt get pulled up along with it.
“Okay?”
“Like. Online.”
That’s enough to leave him silent. Stupefied, even. One glance at you and your body language is enough to confirm that it’s exactly what he’s thinking, your posture so small that you look like you wish you could disappear. 
“You’ve—“ he swallows, wondering what else to say as traffic begins moving again, “like… Twitter—?”
“Your streams.” 
Fuck. Fuck, oh fuck, Beomgyu needs to get the fuck out of the car this instant, because his dick is already hardening and he can feel his brain short-circuiting at your words— you watch his streams. 
In your mind, you feel as though you’ve completely dug a hole for yourself— Beomgyu is probably horrified at your confession, but it’s not as though you knew it was him, or that you had any malicious intent, or that—!
All Beomgyu can think of is how he shouldn’t park the car in the middle of the road and fuck you stupid. 
“Did you watch them a lot?” he asks you, his voice eerily quiet and stable, and oh no he’s interrogating you right now, this is the end for you.
“Yeah,” you say, deciding to be completely transparent now that you’ve decided to tell the truth, “I’m sorry.” 
Is it possible to come untouched like this? Beomgyu might just find out, because the way your voice is so meek and shy and guilty has him biting down on his lip, his mind growing foggier and his foot pressing down on the gas pedal a little harder as he begins to weave through lanes. 
“You were a subscriber then,” he says calmly, and you feel as though he’s trying to humiliate you on purpose as you nod your head in admittance— unbeknownst to you, that’s exactly what he’s doing, enjoying the way he’s breaking you down from just a few questions with sick pleasure. 
“How much money did you spend on me then?” You’re finding his line of questioning a bit odd at this point, but you refuse to look up from your lap as you find yourself answering anyways. 
“I was just a low-tier subscriber…” you say, and it feels even more humiliating to admit that you cheaped out on him— what the hell was wrong with you?
“Low-tier? Not even a single tip?” he repeats, and you don’t seem to register the way he pouts at you until it’s far too late.
Stopping at a red light, he grabs your chin, turning your face roughly so you’re looking at him— and he’s back, the man behind the screen, except this time you can see the sheer pity that fills his gaze as he speaks to you as though you’re lower than him.
“How are you gonna make it up to me now?”
»»»
God. Fuck. Are you dreaming? You think you might pass out.
“I know, I know I said I wouldn’t stream tonight— shouldn’t you just be happy I’m here?”
Your stomach is twisted in knots and you feel small as you attempt to take in everything properly— Beomgyu’s setup, the same room you’ve seen countless times before— you’re able to see it all, from his large computer monitors, his filming camera, to his grandiose bed and the insane amount of toys he keeps on standby. 
You shift restlessly on your feet, entirely bare save for a shirt that Beomgyu let you borrow— another white button-up, the very same one that he loved to wear when he dressed up, now hanging from your figure as he allowed the two of you to freshen up the moment you got to his home. 
Nervously, you had left the shirt completely buttoned up; you watched from behind his camera as he continued to sweet talk his viewers, dressed comfortably in a sweater and sweats, his attire a complete contrast to your own. 
“You’re happy to see me? I don’t believe you,” he smiles, and you feel as though you’re back to being a faceless member of his stream as you press your thighs together, able to hear the way notifications pop up on his computer, all of them signifying a new tip. 
“You know, today’s a pretty special occasion actually,” he begins, pausing to see his comments and the reactions within them, “you’re curious? Do you wanna try something new with me?”
Yes. It’s the only thing he sees in his comments, and he lets out a soft laugh before he’s turning back to his camera.
Then, he’s looking past it.
“Come here, baby.”
You knew this was coming— you agreed to this, for crying out loud, but you still feel as though your legs are made of jello as you hesitate, biting your lip before your eyes are widening nervously, the safe word the two of you established beforehand running through your mind like a mantra you mustn’t forget. 
“Come on, you don’t want to keep them waiting, do you?” he asks, eyes flickering over to his screen, watching the way everyone seems to go haywire from his words, “See? They’re curious, they want to see you.”
You’re taking your first step towards the camera— then another, and another, until you’re walking past the setup, your back facing the camera as you make your way to where he sits at the edge of the bed, unsure of what to do as you remain frozen in front of him.
“What, are you nervous?” he asks, and he’s only able to let out a mean laugh the moment you’re nodding in response, unable to use your voice properly— that’ll change soon, he thinks, reaching for your hands and guiding them to his shoulders. 
“Don’t be,” he whispers, aiming for your thighs next as he’s tugging at them, pleased with the way you let him mold you to his desired position, your thighs on either side of his as you hover over him pathetically, “I know they’ll love you.”
Neither of your full faces can be seen— but the audience can definitely see the way he captures your lips in a harsh kiss, filled with nothing but pure need as he finally gets to feel you properly— you feel as though you’re about to run out air when he finally pulls away, laughing as he feels the way you buttoned every single button of the shirt he gave you. 
“Now why would you do that?” he whispers against your lips, and your fingers dig into his shoulders pathetically as you watch him rip it open— the viewers are going wild at the sight, tipping ridiculous amounts of money just so they can get Beomgyu to see their requests; curiously your eyes drift to his monitor.
You practically collapse at the things you read on the screen.
Finger her. Eat her out. Use a vibrator on her, tie her up, breed her until she can’t walk straight, use a dildo on her— 
The horror comes from the fact that Beomgyu is clearly considering doing all of it.
“What do you think baby?” he asks you, pressing his hand on the small of your back and forcing you to arch into him, your ass perking out and your cunt left to be entirely displayed as he trails his hand up your back, lifting your shirt along with it as he allows the viewers to get a good look at you.
“Anything that piques your interest?” he whispers, your head buried in his shoulder as you shake from the embarrassment of it all, “or…”
You jolt at the way his hand lands a sharp smack on your ass. He’s quick to soothe the area, smiling at the way he takes in the small whimper you let out, burying your face deeper into his shoulder and arching more in response. He lands another one, much more harsher than the last as his hand immediately drifts to your pussy, spreading you for the camera and watching the way you practically glisten under the light. 
“Should I decide how I get to use you for myself?”
He’s a bit surprised to find that you’re quick to nod at his second request, much too shy to even lift your head from where it rests as your fingers dig into his skin. 
He smiles, his eyes drifting back to the monitor as he begins reading over their requests. 
“Hmm, are you shy, princess?” he asks, fingers trailing along your slit, feeling the way your hole flutters at the feeling, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside as you whine quietly, nodding at his words.
“But you’re so fucking wet, and we haven’t even done anything,” slowly, his fingers slip inside— you’re both moaning at the feeling, and Beomgyu thinks that he might just be the one to cum as he feels the way you stretch around his fingers. 
“God, you’re so tight,” he groans, beginning to test out the waters by scissoring you— spreading you out for the camera, watching over your shoulder as your arousal practically leaks out; he gulps, unable to keep his eyes away from the sight as he sighs.
“Feels so soft and warm,” he mutters, placing a kiss on your temple before he’s reaching for something off-screen— the box of toys, you realize, forced to keep your face buried in his shoulder in an attempt to not show your face to his audience. 
“Just like I thought you would be,” he says, smiling against your skin as he murmurs the words into your ear— just for you to hear, not for the thousands of people who are currently watching the stream.
“Do you know what I thought about every time I went live?” he asks, sitting up and shifting so that you’re back in position, shaking your head softly as you feel his fingers begin to circle your entrance. 
“You.” the stretch you suddenly feel has you moaning pathetically, the first sound the viewers are able to hear as the comments begin to fly past— your legs are shaking at the feeling of him slowly pushing the silicone dildo into your pussy, thick and long as you squeeze your eyes shut, feeling tears prick at your eyes from how full you feel.
“I thought of you. Every time.” 
Beomgyu’s eyes are dark as his hand grabs at your ass, spreading your cheeks and showing off the way the dildo begins disappearing into your tight cunt, your arousal already beginning to drip down the toy with every slow thrust of his. 
“Wished you were there every time I would stream. I thought about fucking you the way I would fuck my toys,” his thrusts begin speeding up; you’re a moaning mess against him as you push your ass back, showcasing yourself perfectly and pushing up against the toy that he continues to ram into you— you’re jolting back into him with every thrust, your hands beginning to cramp with how hard you’re holding on to him.
“I would always moan your name too, did you ever notice?”
Your mind goes back to the time you thought you heard it— and, unexpectedly, you’re coming undone, reaching your peak as you respond with a pathetic yes…! The realization that it had all been real much more overwhelming than you thought. 
Beomgyu continues to fuck the toy into you even long after you’re done coming; you’re a whimpering, crying mess against him, the stimulation making your mind muddled as you quietly attempt to get him to stop. 
“Hmm? What do you want baby?” he asks, lips trailing down your neck and to your shoulders, where he begins to slip off your shirt so that you’re more exposed. He remains fully clothed as he begins sucking bruises into your skin, following one of his requests to mark up your pretty skin— his hair falls over his face, covering him momentarily as he begins drifting along your body carelessly.
It’s too much— yet, it’s not enough to have you using your safe word, and the fact makes Beomgyu smile as he bottoms out the toy inside you, grinding it into your pathetic pussy as he watches the way a ring of your cum begins to form around the base. 
“Come on, talk to me. We’re waiting,” you’re hesitant to speak— that much is clear, especially when you know how much traction this stream is currently getting, the sound of tips constant as you shake your head in defeat. 
“No? Okay then,” your shirt is being slipped off, leaving you naked as you wince slightly at the feeling of your garment being removed. Once again, Beomgyu is moving you around, and you’re facing the camera now as your legs are pried open by his own, the toy still stuffed inside you as you sit on Beomgyu’s lap— right on his hard cock, whining softly as you feel him begin to hold your hips down, grinding into you for some release. 
“Don’t wanna use your words? Don’t wanna say anything to me or the viewers?” he tries again, eyes narrowing at the way you remain disobedient and shake your head, laying back against him as you pant softly.
“You’re not gonna thank our viewers for wanting me to please you, you fucking whore?” his hands are swift, and before you realize what he’s doing, your hands are cuffed behind your back, the fuzzy feeling reminding you of the cuffs he uses on himself sometimes. 
“Fine. You wanna be ungrateful, stay quiet?” every sound that leaves your lips is unsure and soft, barely able to reach the microphone of the camera as Beomgyu scoffs at you. “Then stay fucking quiet. I don’t wanna hear a single word from you, understand?”
He doesn’t let you respond— of course he wouldn’t let you— but the way your mouth falls open suggests that you almost went against his command, the vibrator that he now pressed onto your clit making your legs shake with the sudden stimulation, threatening to close before Beomgyu’s own pried you back open swiftly. 
“Look at you. Like a bitch in heat, only thinking about yourself,” he growls, his other hand beginning to thrust the toy back into you at a harsh pace, listening to the sounds of your arousal and the toy smacking against your skin with a satisfied groan, “Do you have any idea how many people wish they were in your place, wish they could be getting fucked stupid instead of having to sit and watch as I do it to you?”
He pauses. Then, he turns up the intensity of the vibrator with a cruel laugh. 
“You would fucking know,” he seethes, taking in the way you writhe against him pathetically, biting at your lip to keep quiet as your hands struggle behind your back, “shit, can’t you hear how pathetic you sound? I bet you were a lot louder when you watched me, just another of my useless viewers that wish that I would fuck you— that I would even fucking acknowledge you.”
Everything that happens next is all a blur— your mind is foggy and you’re coming undone as you feel Beomgyu bite down on your neck, unable to hold back the pure keen of pleasure that rips through you, a string of unintelligible sounds flowing out of you desperately as you cream around the toy, feeling tears sting your eyes the moment Beomgyu decides to turn the intensity up again.
“Take it. I know you can,” he laughs purely because he knows that you have yet to use your safe word. It’s even worse because he’s right, the overstimulation fogging your mind and making you melt in his arms, still able to trust him even if your mind isn’t entirely there.
After a moment, the vibrator is turned off— you can hear him toss it to the side before he’s pulling the dildo out of your aching cunt, your body twitching at the sudden feeling before your cum is oozing out, dripping all over Beomgyu’s sweats and onto his sheets as he merely laughs at you. 
You’re being turned around again— you feel woozy as you cling to Beomgyu, barely capable of hovering over him as he simply looks up at you, his eyes holding that same, innocent puppy-like look that got you trapped in his clutches in the first place.
“I feel so stuffy,” he pouts, tilting his head up at you as you simply whine incoherently in response, “I know baby. Won’t you help me out?” 
It takes you a second to even register his request, your hands suddenly freed by him before you finally realize what he asked; your hands are slow and clumsy as you reach for the hem of his sweater, barely able to tug it up before he’s helping you out— your hands land on his shoulders once more for stability, your gaze falling on his chest and trailing down curiously. 
And there it is. The very tattoo that got you into this mess, though this time you’re free to gawk at it, not paying attention to the way Beomgyu realized he caught you staring until he’s grabbing your hand, placing it on his chest and trailing it down, allowing you to feel him up as he shudders slightly at the feeling.
Your fingers trace over the tattoo. All the way down, following every elaborate line until you’re stopped by the hem of his pants, hands immediately slipping under before you’re tugging them off, pulling off his boxers too as you feel him lift his hips, left just as bare as you before he smiles. 
You feel his cock poking at your entrance, painfully hard as he begins to rub it against your slit; teasing you with the tip, looking over your shoulder to see what his viewers may be saying. 
“What do you think?” He asks, pushing his tip into your cunt before he’s pulling back out. The action has you whining hopelessly, and Beomgyu has to take a second to recollect his resolve, pausing all movements in order to not come then and there.
“Should I fuck her? Does she deserve it?” He asks, looking over at you, cooing softly at the way your eyes remain glassy and fucked out, “Don’t cry. You don’t deserve to cry, not when you’ve been so ungrateful to our viewers.”
A tip catches his attention, and he’s briefly scanning over the amount and request before he’s biting back a smile.
“See? Even though you haven’t said a word to them, they still want to see me fuck you,” he says, taking your hands off his shoulders and leaving you to wobble momentarily as he places your cuffs back on. 
“Aren’t they the sweetest?”
You’re barely able to process what’s going on— all you know is that your position changes within seconds, and your face is buried into the mattress while your ass is up in the air, your legs shaky as you’re barely able to hold yourself up; luckily for you, Beomgyu is there to help, hands grabbing onto your hips before he’s making you lean back. 
His cock is poking at your entrance, and he’s already able to feel the way your cunt tries to suck him in as he passes his tip along your entrance, left entranced with the way you look under him, a complete, ruined mess as you quietly whine out to him, your voice muffled from where your face remained in his sheets.
It’s cute, really, the way you’re able to focus so hard on keeping your face hidden— if you lifted your head now, every single viewer on his screen would be able to drink up your expression as he fucked you— the thought irritates Beomgyu.
He’ll just have to make sure to fuck you until you’re too weak to move. 
“God, you’re such a brat,” he groans out, entering you slowly and feeling the way you clamp onto him dangerously; even with how wet you are, he finds it difficult to fuck you, gritting his teeth and taking a moment where he merely concentrates on not coming inside you then and there. 
“Stop fucking squeezing like that— ah— shit—,” it seems as though your pussy has him going stupid, unable to form a coherent sentence as he slowly pulls out— the whine you let out is long and lethal, so desperate and carnal that Beomgyu finds himself losing control; tightening his hold on your hips, he begins to fuck into you without a care.
“Such a good little pussy,” he grits out, watching the way your ass bounces against him with every thrust, “fuck, wish you’d let me fuck you sooner— would’ve made you mine, wouldn’t be able to get enough of you— god, fuck—!” 
The way you tighten at his words is dangerous. He’s cursing and talking down like he always does, but this time, it’s just for you. The very thought is enough to have you clenching around him again, mouth agape and drooling against his sheets as your sounds get louder. 
Another tip rings through— the same person from before, repeating the only part of their previous request that Beomgyu has yet to fulfill. 
Won’t she say thank you?
The words have him stuttering out a laugh, unable to help the way he moans in between. His thrusts slow, and he’s bottoming out inside you before his motions are nothing but a slow grind, rutting his hips into your aching pussy while he reaches for something off-screen. 
Your whines and soft complaints at the sudden change of pace are brief— because soon after a familiar buzzing sound is filling your ears, and before you can react, the same vibrator form before is pressed against your clit on the highest setting. 
“Gyuuuuu…!” you whine out, long and desperate and incoherent as Beomgyu grabs at your cuffs, using them as leverage to make you slam back into him. His thrusts are brutal and the sound of skin against skin is enough rivalry to the buzzing of the toy as he begins to use the last of his energy to fuck you to your orgasm, watching as the chat buzzes with excitement from your sudden word.
What? What’d she say?? Was that his name? omg?!
“Do you think you deserve to come?” he sneers, his voice gruff as you shake your head, knowing damn well that you haven’t been perfectly compliant to him like he wanted you to be, especially now that you may have just slipped up and let out a personal fact about him.
“Exactly,” he continues, his thrusts toning down in speed, but not intensity— he pulls out to the tip with every thrust, only to slam back into you and have you jolt forward from the harshness of his pace; the vibrator that was once relentless on your clit is now hovering mere centimeters from you, taunting you as all stimulation becomes insignificant to what it was before.
“Maybe, if you’re good for me, I’ll let you come,” he begins, watching the way you can only nod eagerly against the sheets, your hands struggling against your cuffs— he’s holding your hand at the sight, fingers interlocking as he watches you grip onto his hand with both of yours tightly.
“Will you be good for me? Are you gonna listen to whatever the fuck I ask you to do?” he says, his voice hardening at the end as he looks at you expectantly— a second passes before you’re nodding again. 
“My viewers have been so patient with you. The only reason you got all this was because they wanted it— if it were up to me, I would’ve dumped my load in you already and left.” 
That’s a lie— the biggest fucking lie Beomgyu has ever told, knowing damn well that he would’ve done all this and more to you any day, entirely unprovoked. But he knows his viewers love it, and so do you, because your cunt squeezes him so tightly he’s afraid he might just come early. 
“Aren’t you grateful they loved you so much? Hmm?” you’re barely registering his words anymore. But you’re nodding nonetheless, your thighs beginning to shake from the sheer pleasure of feeling Beomgyu rut into your cunt throughout all this. 
“Tell them thank you,” he says sweetly, not giving you enough time to speak before he’s back to fucking you wildly; his pace picking up, aiming for that specific spot that leaves you dumb and drooly as he places the vibrator back on your clit— any chances of sounding sane are thrown out the window as he begins tugging on your cuffs, bouncing you back against him as the wet sounds of his thrusts ring out through the room. 
“Did you hear me—?” he asks, landing a smack to your ass before he’s soothing the area, slowing down so he can smack you again, “I said say thank you. Do you think you’re above us, pretty?”
Your first attempt to speak is a garbled mess.
“Come on, I know you can do better than that. Or— do you just wanna be a cute little cumdump for me—? Ah, let me use you every time I stream… don’t need any fucking toys when I have my pretty doll for me— right—?” His own sentences are becoming more incoherent the longer he fucks you, addicted to the way your pussy practically sucks him in deeper in response. 
“Try again,” he growls, feeling his own orgasm approaching slowly, “show me you’re not a— shit, a fucking brat, and maybe I’ll let you… ugh, let you come.”
Beomgyu swore he got rid of his habit of rambling like this long ago. But, you seem to be able to bring it out of him, his calm and collected speeches crumbling like paper in his mind as he takes in the way both your arousals are smeared over skin and dripping down your thighs, forming a ring around Beomgyu’s cock as he feels his resolve beginning to crumble— he begins to fuck you carelessly, not able to think about anything else but reaching his high as he waits for your response.
“Mmh—! ugh… fuck…” your voice is increasing in volume, the shy person from before long gone as you begin to chase your orgasm, much too afraid to lose it as you try to form a single, coherent thought.
“Thank…. thank you…” you whine out, but it’s all too slurred and quiet and pathetic to Beomgyu as he growls out a sharp what? His hand pressing down on the small of your back as he glues your hands to your skin, forced to take the way he fucks you as you moan out uncontrollably.
“Thank you..! Thank you thank you, oh, fuck—!” holy shit, you’re full on crying right now, reduced to nothing but a mess of moans and tears as you ramble on repeatedly, only able to remember those limited words as you feel Beomgyu come inside you— warm and deep, stilling for just a moment before he’s back to fucking you, his own moans becoming much more needy at the feeling of overstimulation. 
“Thank you thank you thank youuuu, fuck, fuck fuck mmh—!”  you feel stupid. You’ve definitely been fucked stupid, moaning out those stupid thank you’s like a prayer as you feel yourself slumping completely, a boneless, gooey mess as you rely on Beomgyu to hold you up.
He continues to fuck into you slowly, even after you’ve gone entirely still; he thinks you might’ve passed out, but it’s only for a minute before he sees you shifting again, burying your head into the mattress as he hears the distant sound of you sniffling. 
Beomgyu feels concerned for a second, ready to check up on you and end the stream before you’re grabbing his hand again; then you’re clenching around him, mumbling his name so sweetly while you try to press yourself against him.
You’re straight up gone, he realizes, stilling for a moment and waiting for you to use your safe word— but you don’t, and he sees you peeking subtly at his monitor before you’re burying your face back into his sheets.
“You got a new tip.”
The words are barely audible to him, but he’s quick to glance at it upon your request; he almost chokes as he sees the five-hundred dollars that have been sent to him, his eyes reading over the request a few times before he’s looking back at you.
Could you try to make her squirt ?
“It’s five hundred dollars,” you mutter, and all Beomgyu can do is let out a bewildered laugh, leaning down to place a kiss on your shoulder before he’s whispering in your ear if you’re okay to continue— the small nod you give him is enough to have his cock hardening inside you. 
Fuck, he’s gonna give you the aftercare of the century after this. 
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stardustvanfleet · 1 year ago
Text
Keep Silent - Jake Kiszka x F!Reader
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SMUT. 18+ ONLY! MDNI!!!
PAIRING: Jake Kiszka x F!Reader
WORDS: 7.5k
SUMMARY: It's been raining for days on end, and your boyfriend Jake suggests a romantic trip to the library to help pass the time. Knowing him, however, things don't stay innocent and cozy for long.
WARNINGS: Dom!Jake. Exhibitionist/voyeur kink, fingering, filthy dirty talk with lots of degradation (slut, whore, dirty, desperate...) and praise (pretty girl, good girl, sweet girl, etc). Rough unprotected sex.
A/N: OKAY, WOW.... this fic is a long time coming. I've been working on this one for the last couple of months and I am so unbelievably excited to share it with all of you. First of all, I have to make some shoutouts-- this fic is dedicated to @jakesguitarsolo as a VERY late birthday present, ILY Jess!!! And an EXTREMELY special thanks to my beta reader and actual moon to my sun @sinsofstardust .... so many of my ideas are built alongside your equally dirty mind. I LOVE YOU COURT!! Another special thanks to @sparrowofthedawnsworld for all the encouragement as I slowly wrote out this passion project, ILY Sparrow!!! And thank you all for being so patient and reading my work... this is so incredibly fucking self-indulgent, I can't even begin to express. FIC BEGINS BELOW THE CUT!
It had been raining for over a week.
Not just a drizzle, either— it was day after day of heavy winds and sheets of rain that lashed at the window panes, with any view of the sky repeatedly choked out by lumbering, ominous gray clouds.
It wasn’t that you particularly minded rain, not really, but after days on end of being stuck indoors, the cabin fever was beginning to get to you. The apartment you shared with your boyfriend, Jake, was on the small side, and you’d already had to reschedule numerous date ideas this week that would’ve only been possible had you been able to go outside.
He must’ve noticed how antsy you had been getting, however, and today, he had a new idea— suggesting a trip to the library to pick out some books to read and movies to take home, to help pass the time while you waited for this goddamn endless rain to pass you by.
You had been so grateful for his suggestion, and not just because the weather outdoors had been making things feel a little too much like Groundhog Day. The thought of snuggling up with Jake in a cozy library for a while, reading your books and people-watching, was certainly enough to make the rain feel a little more appealing.
That had been during breakfast, a couple of hours ago. After the both of you had showered and gotten changed into some comfortable clothes worthy of a lazy Sunday but stylish enough to go out in, Jake had driven the two of you to the public library. His playlist of vintage rock was the soundtrack to your leisurely drive through the rain, but despite the unhurried pace and relaxed atmosphere, he didn’t waste any time before his flirtatious touches began– his left hand on the wheel, the right settling to rest on your upper thigh.
The touch could’ve perhaps been interpreted as innocent, but Jake clearly had other plans for the physical contact. He gently flexed his fingers, squeezing your thigh just enough for you to notice, smiling to himself at your tiny, sharp intake of breath… but never once taking his eyes off the road. All of a sudden, your heartbeat was skyrocketing. What a fucking tease.
He didn’t escalate things any further, but the feeling of his touch was nevertheless electric. As always, once he got your heart racing, it was near impossible for you to get your pulse to slow— just one example out of so many that revealed the effect he had on you. Once he got your mind in the gutter, his presence alone became something that could make you squirm. With a rush of heat to your lower stomach, you wondered if that had been his plan all along.
Your heart and mind were still going a mile a minute even a quarter of an hour later, when the two of you walked into the library hand-in-hand, heading towards the display of new fiction. As you two browsed through the titles, you found yourself taking numerous glances over at him, feeling unable to help it. He was wearing one of his softest shirts, buttoned just barely higher than usual, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, flipping through a dystopian novel with interest in his expression. His hair looked so soft… you loved those two silver necklaces dangling enticingly from his neck… and you were still close enough to take in the scent of his cologne.
While your eyes were on him, his gaze flashed up from the page, a knowing smirk forming on his face upon catching you staring. Your face immediately flushed with heat, realizing how lost in thought you had become, as you offered a bashful smile and a little shrug… to which he winked in response, which really didn’t do much in the way of helping you collect yourself. Very much the opposite, actually.
Blushing, you glanced back at the book you were holding, trying to focus your energy on reading the summary and reviews on the back cover— but god, you were horribly distracted, by both your thoughts and Jake’s awareness of the way he was already making you feel. After a few more minutes of the two of you browsing titles and picking out two each (between numerous glances that felt far too charged to be taking place in public), the two of you finally headed upstairs to find a comfortable couch where you could read and watch the rain in relative privacy… at least, that’s what you were telling yourself.
The first floor had already been relatively quiet, with only a few scattered clusters of people browsing the titles, but the second level was even more so. Looking across the numerous couches and desks nestled between bookshelves, the two of you were essentially free to take your pick of whichever spot you wanted. There seemed to only be a handful of patrons up here, no less than ten people across the entire floor; all of whom seemed to be lost in their own worlds of studying or reading, many of them wearing headphones. Your hand was in Jake’s, your fingers interlaced, and as you attempted to slow your racing heartbeat, you gestured across the room, in the direction of a more secluded corner hidden behind the biographies that you knew well as a favorite reading spot.
Jake’s eyes seemed to be scanning the room, taking in your surroundings, and you tried not to let your already wandering mind take that fact and run with it, knowing how adventurous he liked to be— in every sense of the word. You swallowed hard. Down, girl. Breathe…
To save time, instead of taking the long way around all of nonfiction, you tugged on Jake’s arm, pulling him towards a particular aisle between the shelves, saying quietly to him, “Shortcut.” He chuckled endearingly, looking down at you with that familiar twinkle in his honey-brown eyes and saying at a similarly low volume, “Lead the way, baby… show me all the secret passages.”
It was entirely subconscious that you bit your lip in response, but the way he arched his eyebrow back at you and offered a smirk as a retort made your legs feel like jelly. It was clear he was picking up on what you were feeling— regardless of whether you were communicating it intentionally. And maybe, just maybe… the fact that you couldn’t help your reactions… that was turning him on, too.
As you led him through the aisle, he had shifted so he was behind you— and you just couldn’t help walking with a bit of an extra sway in your hips. You knew where his eyes would always just happen to fall if he was right behind you… and why not take advantage of that? Without turning your head to face Jake just yet, you bit your lip playfully in anticipation before making a point of sticking your ass out towards him now that you were hidden away between the shelves, even shaking it back and forth a bit to ensure you’d catch his attention.
With that, you glanced behind you, unable to resist checking to see if he was looking… and, sure enough, you turned your head just in time to catch those half-lidded eyes of his flashing right back up to meet your gaze from where they had certainly been lingering on how nice your ass looked in those leggings. You gave him a smirk of your own, and he stepped forward just enough so that he could —so quickly you hardly processed it taking place— slip one hand just under the hem of your sweatshirt and t-shirt, letting his fingers rest against your bare skin and causing an immediate shiver to wrack your body. You were both now standing right in the middle of the aisle, but the intoxicating touch of his calloused fingertips against the sensitive skin just above your hip had left you frozen in your tracks, rooted to the spot.
Jake took another step closer to you, which left him pressed up against you from behind— the feeling of his heartbeat and heavy breaths against your back overwhelming enough without the added factor of his desire being made astonishingly clear as he pressed his hips up against your ass. With that simple action, you were both hit with the first delicious shock of friction, and your mouth immediately dropped open as Jake leaned right into your ear, his voice like velvet as he spoke, low and raspy… “You’re such a goddamn tease. Fuck… I love it.”
With Jake’s firm, hot chest right up against your back, and the overwhelming nature of the contact his hips just made with your ass, the fact that the two of you were still standing in the middle of the aisle had become something of an instant afterthought. It didn’t matter. None of it did– your mind had gone entirely blank beyond what you felt against you. Nothing else even existed besides the man who had his body pressed up against yours– and the way his lips were right up against the shell of your ear as he breathed out,
“Do you know how fucking cute you are when you’re all hot and bothered for me?”
An involuntary, high-pitched noise almost resembling a whimper threatened to escape from you– and though you were able to catch yourself before your entirely unintentional desperation ended up being loud enough to draw attention to what was going on, your body was hit with an overwhelming shock wave of arousal when you suddenly felt Jake’s hand clamp directly over your mouth. His body was still flush against yours, the feeling of his increasingly obvious erection against your ass in combination with his filthy words making you lightheaded.
“Careful, my dirty girl… unless you want everyone to know exactly what I’m doing to you…”
As he spoke, Jake’s free hand began to first stroke down your arm, then back up… before flattening his palm out just between your collarbones, making sure his long fingers were spread out wide, the feeling making your breath catch in your throat. He then continued his public exploration of your body by letting that same hand stroke right over both of your breasts, gently groping and squeezing each of them just enough to make you arch your back against him— which prompted Jake to chuckle darkly into your ear, before he began to whisper to you once again.
“What is it, baby? Does it turn you on when I grab your tits like this… right here, where anyone could walk by and see us?”
Jake’s words sent an instant shiver down your spine, the hunger in his tone immediately causing wetness to pool between your thighs— and the chuckle that rumbled from deep in his throat made it clear that the way your body trembled hadn’t only been felt by you.
“I think I’ll take that as a yes,” Jake said lowly, his voice thick, hot, and heavy– and though he was still behind you, you could hear the smirk in his voice. He hadn’t stopped feeling you up, moving from one breast to the other as he squeezed and massaged you, letting his thumbs gently begin to tease at your hard nipples through the fabric of your sweatshirt. Already, the pleasure was so fucking much, and you arched into his touch, pressing your tits up against his exploring hand. His volume lowered even further, and the breathiness in his voice was damn near overwhelming as he rasped directly against your ear, “My dirty little exhibitionist…”
Your head was spinning. Through your haze, you were aware that there wasn’t anybody walking by, that the few people present on this floor of the library were entirely occupied with their own activities… and yet, if anybody just happened to wander past this particular aisle, there was absolutely no way to provide an innocent explanation for what was going on. Not with Jake so blatantly and shamelessly exploring your body… and not with your face so red and legs already beginning to tremble at the result of his actions. And yet, the most dizzying aspect of all… was that you didn’t care. Not in the least. You couldn’t give a fuck where you were, as long as you could be assured that Jake wouldn’t stop touching you.
Thankfully, or perhaps dangerously, enough… it seemed that Jake was thinking the same thing.
While his left hand continued its relentless teasing and massaging of your breasts through your sweatshirt, Jake’s right hand fell to your hip, gripping it firmly and possessively. Your breaths had evolved into heavy, short gasps as you felt your arousal building, and the sound of your boyfriend’s low, satisfied chuckle right in your ear left you squeezing your thighs together, lightheaded. That was when he spoke again, low and commanding, the hunger and heat in his voice making your heart stutter within your chest— 
“Your back. Against the bookcase. Now, pretty girl… for me.”
You didn’t even have to think. When Jake talked like that, his voice so dominant and raspy, it was as though your body just gave into him entirely on its own— no consideration required. With his hand still on your hip, guiding you, you felt him turning you around to face him for the first time since he started touching you, and the sight of his dark, lust-blown pupils right on you were enough to make a tiny whimper slip involuntarily from you.
Immediately, Jake’s long index finger was pressed directly against your lips, and before your body was even able to process the power of that simple action— he spoke again, his tone intoxicatingly condescending and his face inches from yours.
“Shhhh, now, honey… and listen to me. No matter what I do to you… you’re going to be silent. We’re in public, pretty girl… and nobody gets to hear those pretty moans but me. Is that clear?”
Your eyes had gone wide while Jake spoke, the combination of his filthy words, that intense fucking stare, and his finger against your lips only fanning the flames that were already burning deep within you. Keeping your lips pressed together out of breathless arousal, you nodded in a manner that, based on the way Jake began to smirk at you, came across far more desperate than you had intended to show— but likely exactly as desperate as you actually were feeling.
“That’s my good girl,” he breathed out, and your jaw tightened instantly as those few words sent shock waves directly between your legs, your knees beginning to shake as all of your energy went towards keeping yourself quiet. Jake’s expression was devious, cocky, a look you knew all too well… one that would always inevitably make your head spin and your panties wet, and the fact that he so clearly knew exactly what he was doing to you was only intensifying your desire. His voice remained just as quiet and firm as ever as he continued teasingly, “So… where was I?”
Your chest was heaving as Jake’s hand slid from your hip to your waist and back down, the look in his eyes making it obvious that he was enjoying himself, watching your reactions as he teased you. Every touch left your heart pounding, but you were aching at this point. You needed more, and you did your very best to communicate this to Jake without words. Feeling yourself surrender further to your desire, you looked up at the man in front of you with so much need that he let out a quiet, patronizing chuckle, dark and dangerous and unbelievably hungry.
“Oh, honey… you want it bad, don’t you?”
The instant shiver that coursed through your body at his words spoke loud and clear, eliciting another dark chuckle from Jake. “Well… how could I not…” he began, letting his hand begin to slide horizontally from its position on your hip, “...when you’re being so good for me?”
His other hand also shifted just slightly, replacing the single finger over your lips with his entire hand, so large it covered the majority of your jaw, right as the hand now against your stomach began to move downwards. He arched his eyebrow at you teasingly, giving you a flirtatious wink and murmuring, “Just in case.”
He was going to be the death of you.
The passionate eye contact never ceased or let up in the slightest as Jake’s hand continued its way down your sweatshirt, and his touch was already overwhelming enough through two layers of clothing. As his hand drew closer and closer to the hem of your leggings, the thought of how much closer he’d be, how he’d surely bypass the edge of the thickest fabric you were currently wearing within seconds, certainly wasn’t making things any easier.
The instant Jake’s fingertips were no longer dragging down your sweatshirt, he was slipping his hand under the waistband of your leggings, flattening out his palm and beginning to creep even further downwards. The sudden heat of his large hand stroking right down over your panties made you let out a gasp— one so sudden and involuntary against the fingers over your mouth that it made Jake’s smirking lips part with arousal, a soft “goddamn” slipping out from somewhere deep in his throat. That would’ve been enough to send you reeling, and yet, it was at that moment that his fingertips made their first contact with your clit, with nothing but the thin fabric of your everyday panties in between— and immediately, your eyes rolled back into your head, knees beginning to tremble as Jake studied your expression with a kind of hungry fascination that you couldn’t believe he still held for you after all this time.
Jake was rubbing your clit in tight circles now, and your breaths were already coming fast and hard. This wasn’t going to take long, not after all of his teasing, not with the thrill and the rush of your back against the bookcase and the knowledge of people just out of sight. He slid a long finger down to your still-covered entrance, and his mouth immediately fell open with desire when he realized just how soaked the fabric was under his touch.
“Fuck, pretty girl. Do you want me to make you unravel right here?”
You desperately wanted to cry out, to beg out loud, to whimper out a plea, anything that could tell him just how much you needed that. When he was craving your sounds, he’d encourage you to be as loud as you could— and he’d work you and pound you until you were screaming his name. But now, today… with his hand so firmly planted over your mouth, possessive, stifling… all you could manage was a shaky nod, overwhelmed with the feeling, the silence, his control.
Jake’s soft, dark chuckle reverberated through you as he murmured, “That’s my dirty girl.”
With that, he effortlessly managed to push the dripping fabric of your panties out of the way despite not once letting his eyes leave yours— and the moment his fingers came into direct contact with your heat, you felt the entire world around you melt away. Holy fucking shit.
His movements were so languid and intentional, like he had done this to you a thousand times… and, well, he probably had. And yet, somehow, it still felt just as dizzying as the first time when Jake’s long middle finger immediately parted your folds and buried itself deep into you, your thighs instantly tightening around his wrist as his mouth dropped open once again.
“Fucking eager little thing,” he breathed out, “goddamn.”
And as he started pumping his finger in and out of you, not wasting any time when it came to picking up his speed and intensity, you knew what he said had been right. You were eager for him to make you cum, and you didn’t even care admitting it. In fact, you’d scream it from the rooftops if it meant Jake wouldn’t cease his movements, wouldn’t stop staring at you with those dark eyes, as he brought you closer and closer to the edge. When he curled his finger inside of you in a come-hither motion, stroking that one particular spot that he knew so well, you were seeing stars, bucking up your hips against his hand in a frenzied chase for the orgasm you knew was threatening to overtake you at any moment. It was all so overwhelming, so fucking good, the feeling of that long finger sliding in and out of you over and over again, Jake’s hand so firm over your mouth, those eyes watching you all the while.
And that was when he added his ring finger.
You were practically gone, almost incoherent, leaning back and allowing the bookshelf behind you to be your support— there was no hope of keeping yourself upright on your own now. The trembling of your thighs and the fluttering of your walls around Jake’s fingers clearly communicated your teetering proximity to the edge, and he grit his teeth together as he made sure not once to relent in his fingers’ pace within you. Your vision was blurring, your chest heaving, and Jake could read every signal your body was giving him. It was intoxicating, how well he knew you. Never once slowing his pace, finger-fucking you relentlessly, he leaned in, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he whispered,
“Gonna cum for me? Right here in the fucking library? Do it. Cum on my fingers like the exhibitionist slut you are. Fucking cum.”
His words were all it took. Ecstasy overtook every inch of your body as you clenched down around him, your mouth wide open against the fingers Jake still had covering your lips, legs all but giving out beneath you as you rode out wave after wave of pleasure.
“Fuck, that’s my girl. Goddamn,” Jake was groaning softly into your ear, but you could barely even process the words falling from his lips with the intensity of the orgasm that was currently overtaking you, only heightened by the fact that Jake made sure to maintain the pace of his fingers all the way through your high, his eyes even closing for a moment in aroused disbelief at just how hard you were cumming for him.
Shaking, trembling, your orgasm astounded you in its length and intensity, and by the time you were coming down, you were gasping for breath. Jake finally slid his hand away from where it had been covering your mouth, drifting it off to the side and cradling your cheek, as he gazed at you with an expression that mixed adoration and staggering desire.
“Holy fuck, baby,” Jake breathed out, shaking his head a little. “You…”
His voice trailed off at the sudden, unmistakable sound of footsteps. Your eyes went instantly wide, and you glanced in rapidly developing panic at the entrance to the aisle the two of you were standing in— the aisle he had just made you cum all over his fingers in.
But if Jake was feeling any of that same nervousness that was threatening to overtake the post-orgasmic haze you were feeling, he was doing a damn good job at hiding it. In one fluid motion, Jake had pulled his hand from your leggings, and quickly scooped up your selected books that had been laying forgotten on the floor with the hand that had, until recently, been covering your mouth. The loss of contact would’ve been enough to make you whimper in any other situation, but in this moment, you couldn’t help but thank your lucky stars for Jake’s adaptability and cool demeanor. You only hoped you looked a fraction as put together as he did, which, frankly, you doubted very much now that he had already brought you to one orgasm and didn’t really seem like he intended to stop there. Your head was still spinning as Jake quickly sucked his fingers clean with a wink, just in time for a stranger likely over twice your age to walk right by the aisle that he’d been finger-fucking you to orgasm in moments earlier.
Once the stranger had passed you by, you let out a long, shaky sigh that you couldn’t be sure whether to attribute more to your relief or your desire. With your back still against the bookcase, your gaze met Jake’s once again— and the mischievous, hungry look in his eyes had returned, seductive and unmistakable. When he spoke again, his voice was a whisper. “Goddamn, baby… drives me fuckin’ crazy how dirty you are.”
Having regained your composure somewhat, you managed a playful smile of your own, biting down on your bottom lip in the flirtatious way you knew Jake loved— savoring the way his tongue darted over his bottom lip as you said, voice breathy, “It’s all for you, Jake…”
“Fuck,” Jake cursed under his breath, his tone thick with desire, his darkened eyes never leaving yours. He moved a step closer to you, his voice soft and raspy as he asked you with obvious intentions, “...where can we go?”
A shiver went down your spine as his meaning hit you loud and clear. Your mind was racing, and you were responding before the thought was even fully formed— “There’s a secluded corner behind the biographies… it’s where I was leading us before…” you trailed off, and your cheeks reddened as you gave Jake a little smirk. “...before you distracted me so nicely.”
Jake grinned at you wickedly, before leaning in and whispering right in your ear. “Take me there now, baby, so I can distract you some more…” letting his lips drag across your velvety skin, making you gasp when he grazed your earlobe with his teeth. Your ability to think flickered like a faulty switch, but you were able to hold yourself together long enough to grab Jake’s wrist and murmur teasingly, “I could, if you weren’t so damn distracting already…” making him smirk at you while you giggled in response, before adding, “...now follow me, Jakey, I think you’ll like what comes next.”
As he let you take your first couple of steps ahead of him, he managed a final soft, teasing whisper, his voice heavy as he said, “I’m already liking the view…” making you blush before you led him out of the aisle on legs that still weren’t entirely steady, passing one or two oblivious people on their laptops. The thought that they had been there the entire time, and would likely continue to be there, while remaining none the wiser to what was happening between you and Jake, was making you even more lightheaded than you could care to admit. Even though you were a few steps ahead of him, you could feel your boyfriend’s presence behind you; his steady gait and comforting yet commanding presence unmistakable and dizzying. You wanted all of him so fucking bad, and you were about to give it to him right here. In public. You almost couldn’t believe yourself, and yet, it was no surprise that Jake was bringing out this side of you. There was something about him that just made you want to be as filthy as possible, no matter where you were— and you knew Jake loved that just as much as you did.
After what seemed like a tortuous amount of time winding through labyrinthine aisles of nonfiction and biography, your destination came into view. It was your favorite reading nook in the whole library, specifically because of how hidden away it was behind the stacks. Tucked away in a corner behind the biographies, surrounded by tall bookshelves and sporting what you considered to be the comfiest chair in the building. However, the highlight of this particular spot was that it was in an area of the library that nobody ever seemed to wander into. There had been times where you’d managed to curl up in that recliner and read an entire book over the course of several hours without seeing another soul, despite knowing that there were certainly people right on the other side of the shelves.
Of course, it had now become apparent that the hidden nature of this particular nook had some other benefits beyond being a quiet place to read. When you turned to face your boyfriend after arriving at your favorite corner, the look on his face was almost incredulous with anticipation, eyebrows raised and tongue rolling against the inside of his own cheek. “Goddamn… this is a nice little spot, isn’t it?” he said mischievously, his pupils somehow having dilated even further, betraying the depth of his own arousal. He set the books that you two had chosen down on the chair, his hands falling to hook around his belt loops.
“I’ve always wanted to show it to you, Jakey…” you breathed out, never once letting your eyes leave his, as he began to walk towards you, getting closer and closer, one step at a time. The distance between the two of you was shrinking by the second, and before you knew it, Jake was close enough to be brushing your hair out of your face with his long, delicate fingers, that naughty look in his eye that always made you shudder.
“I love it, baby…” he murmured, his heavy-lidded eyes flickering down to your lips as he let his fingers move from their place in your hair to stroke down the side of your cheek. A teasing smirk made its way onto his face, one that you knew all too well. “...but tell me… is there any… particular reason you wanted to take me here? Hmm?”
“Jakey…” you sighed softly, arching into his touch as his fingers traced your cheekbone, then your jawline, before starting to run down your neck. As his fingers explored you in a way that felt shockingly sensual for where he was touching you, he continued, “Come on, now, baby… use your words… before it’s time for me to cover that pretty mouth with my hand again…” You let out the tiniest squeak of a whimper, making Jake chuckle darkly, as he added, “Well? Why did you want to bring me here to this hidden little corner, baby?”
As he finished his question, his hand came to rest at the base of your throat, in the exact spot he knew would always make your knees go weak beneath his touch— and your body proved him right, shuddering instantly. The hunger in Jake’s eyes was enough to have every inch of you burning for him, and as his gaze bore into you, the words were finally able to fall from your lips, soft and breathy and just for him. “Oh, Jake… I want you to fuck me right here… right here, in the fucking public library…” letting your voice fall to a whisper as you breathed out your final, most indecent fantasy. “...right up against the bookshelves…”
Jake’s soft groan of need would have been enough to make your head spin on its own, but clearly, hearing you give voice to your desires had lit a flame within him that he wasn’t going to attempt to restrain any longer. All of a sudden, he was pushing you up against the bookshelf with strong arms, his hips beginning to roll against you while whispering harshly right into your ear, “Goddamn, you are a fucking dirty girl, aren’t you…?”
The way your mouth instantly and wordlessly fell open gave Jake the answer that he needed while the two of you were so indecently involved in public. He caught your lips with his— roughly, passionately, kissing you with a silent ferocity that almost knocked you off of your feet, and potentially would have if he didn’t already have your back pressed up against the bookshelf. His hips didn’t halt in their motions against you, and your mind and body were struck by the realization of just how hard Jake was. You could feel him, solid and burning against your upper thigh, even through the thin fabric of both his jeans and your leggings, and the sensation was so intoxicating you felt your eyes roll back into your head involuntarily.
He was nipping at your bottom lip, his teeth grazing your sensitive skin, and you were immediately starting to buck your hips in response to the way he was setting your body alight with arousal. With both of you now grinding against each other, still devouring each other’s lips as though starving for it, it was more obvious than ever just how badly you both wanted this. Just how much it turned both of you on to be fully giving into your desire, just yards away from strangers who knew nothing of what was going on. To know that things were about to escalate even further. Right here, right now.
Jake’s hands were sliding down your body and hooking around the waistband of both your leggings and your panties. A surge of arousal rushed to your head as you realized what he was doing— and when he pulled back from your lips just long enough to give you a look that clearly requested a final confirmation that this was what you wanted, you nodded so hard that his expression returned to its smug dominance instantly. Glancing back over his shoulder one last time before looking you right in the eyes, Jake yanked both your leggings and panties down in one hard tug, pushing them as far down your legs as they could go. His chest was heaving with desire as he stared at you hungrily, before stepping back just enough to take a good look at your exposed body as his hands moved to the button and zipper of his own jeans. Whispering darkly, Jake breathed out, “Look at you… so fucking pretty when you’re stripped down for me… showing off that gorgeous body right fucking here…” his filthy words making your knees tremble.
His voice was still a whisper when he asked, “Fucking turns you on so much that we’re doing this in public, doesn’t it?” cocking his head to the side with a lust-clouded smirk as you nodded. “My dirty girl… you want me to take it out? You want… you need my cock inside you right here, right now?”
As he spoke, you were biting on your lip harder and harder to stop yourself from moaning aloud, doing everything you could to force yourself to stay silent, while nodding harder and harder, growing desperation in your eyes. Jake chuckled patronizingly, chewing on his own lower lip as he pulled his zipper down, murmuring, “That’s my good little whore… now keep your eyes on me, sweet girl…” He didn’t need to tell you twice; hell, even if he hadn’t given the order, you wouldn’t have been able to look away from the now-exposed hint of his boxers, from where his beautiful hands were now moving to the waistband of his jeans. Those long fingers of his, just as they had with your own clothing, made quick work of the thin layers of fabric separating your gaze from exactly what you craved. And once he had his cock free, you had to cover your mouth with your own hand in order to keep yourself silent.
He looked achingly hard, his cock thick and waiting, the rosy pink head already slick with his own arousal, and you felt yourself trembling in anticipation as Jake moved towards you, spitting into his hand in a way that felt downright obscene— especially considering where you were— before giving his cock a few languid strokes just as he found his position right in front of you. His eyes were practically darker than you’d ever seen them before, and Jake used the hand that had been stroking his cock to grab your inner thigh, pushing your legs apart for better access. Your heart was pounding in your chest as his free hand slid up your chest and neck to cover your mouth completely once again, never once letting his intense stare lessen or cease. He leaned right in, until the tip of his nose touched yours, opening his mouth to speak, his voice hushed. “Ready to get fucked like the exhibitionist you are?”
The way your body immediately shuddered at his words told Jake everything he needed to know, lining his cock up at your entrance, with his mouth falling open involuntarily upon feeling the intensity of your desire for him. “Goddamn, you’re fucking soaked… is that all for me? All because anyone could walk by and see us when I fuck that slutty little pussy…”
And then, giving you no rest or reprieve whatsoever, the moment he finished his sentence, Jake was pushing his cock all the way into you, his pace unhurried but steady, stretching you out and filling you up so deliciously and perfectly that your eyes rolled all the way back into your head, your knees almost completely giving out underneath you. It was only the pressure of Jake’s body keeping you pinned to the bookshelf that was keeping you upright now.
Jake’s jaw immediately tightened, his teeth clenching, as he leaned right into your ear for a moment just to groan out a restrained “Oh, fuck…” that seemed like it may have slipped from his lungs entirely involuntarily. You could hardly breathe. He was so fucking thick, and the feeling of him stretching you out so perfectly was almost overwhelming already. And yet, once he started to move, his cock beginning to pump in and out of you over and over again— slow at first, but rapidly picking up speed— the intense shocks of pleasure were so staggering that your mind went entirely blank beyond the feeling of Jake’s cock inside of you, fucking you just right, stretching and pounding into you in a way that you wouldn’t ever be able to get used to.
He was really fucking you now, and it was like the rest of the world had melted away. All there was, all there ever would be, were Jake’s dark eyes, his filthy words, his fat cock slamming into you over and over and over again— and the way you were already beginning to feel your pleasure building towards your second orgasm of the day with your back against a bookshelf. After all of his teasing, you weren’t going to last long, and the way he was practically growling under his breath right into your ear as he pounded into your cunt was enough to send your mind reeling along with your body.
“Such a dirty fucking girl… voyeuristic little whore… you want to get caught, don’t you? You want strangers to see you getting your tight little pussy fucked…. To see me fucking railing you against the bookshelves… is that it, baby? Are you my slutty little exhibitionist?”
His tone was already patronizing, but coupled with the fact that his hand was so firmly over your mouth that there was no possibility you’d be able to respond, the sheer condescension was making your head spin. Your thighs were beginning to tremble, your mouth falling open against Jake’s long fingers as you felt the heat in your core beginning to increase exponentially. He was relentless, fucking you hard and deep, his breathy sighs and groans in your ear only spurring you on further, encouraging you to completely lose control. As you grew closer and closer to your high, you felt your walls beginning to flutter around Jake’s thick cock, and his eyes damn near rolled into the back of his head. He leaned in and pressed his lips directly to the shell of your ear before he spoke again. “Goddamn, baby, I feel you clenching… are you gonna cum again for me? Right here? Gotta be silent, though, pretty girl… keep nice and quiet… fuck… I’m not far behind, baby… gonna cum for you, too… gonna fill you up…”
You couldn’t even nod your head as tears began to well in your eyes. Jake’s cock was hitting your g-spot over and over again, sending overwhelming waves of utter bliss through you with every thrust. Of course, Jake knew your body so well— he didn’t need to hear an answer from you. With the free hand that wasn’t covering your mouth, he dipped his fingers between your legs to rub your clit in tight circles while continuing to fuck you at his same dizzying pace. That was all it took. Within moments, you were completely unraveling, clenching down onto Jake’s cock uncontrollably as your second orgasm overtook you, practically sucking your boyfriend’s long fingers into your mouth to keep yourself silent. The combined sensation of you reaching your high all around him, rippling and fluttering, alongside your hot mouth on his fingers, pushed Jake over the edge. He bit down on your shoulder to stifle his low, blissful grunt as he exploded inside of you, filling you up completely, fucking every last drop of his cum into your pussy.
You couldn’t have any idea how long your orgasm lasted, the pleasure reaching a point almost beyond overwhelming while Jake held you close throughout both of your intense highs. The way he was biting down on your shoulder turned into open-mouthed kisses against both the fabric of your sweatshirt and the flushed skin of your neck as the two of you slowly but surely returned to earth, gasping for breath in a way that probably was nowhere near as quiet as you had hoped— not that it really would matter much now anyway. As if reading your mind, Jake’s hand slid down from its place covering your mouth to grip your upper arm in a way that was both a little possessive and entirely comforting. It must have been at least a minute or two of heavy breathing and clinging to each other’s clothing and skin before you finally felt able to think again— breathless giggles slipping from your lips as the reality of what just happened began to sink in. Jake looked up from your shoulder, a similarly dazed and cheeky grin on his own face.
When he spoke, his voice was still soft, but it was steady, astonished, adoring. “Goddamn, baby. That was fucking unbelievable… I love you so much.”
You bit your lip shyly, looking down towards the floor for half a second before letting your gaze flash back up to meet Jake’s, breathing out a bashful, flustered, “I love you too, Jakey… it’s just what you do to me.”
“It’s what you do to me,” he murmured with a smile, leaning in to capture your lips with another kiss, this one slower, less hurried, less frantic. Patient, loving, home. You melted against him, almost forgetting where you were for a moment, until you were suddenly aware once again of the exposed lower half of your body against the bookshelf, which made you start giggling again against his lips. When he pulled back to look at you endearingly and curiously, you gestured downwards, and Jake couldn’t hold back a little laugh of his own. “Okay, so we should take care of a few things…”
Carefully, he pulled himself from you, making you shudder, as he quickly made sure to tug your bottoms back up your legs— and you felt your cheeks begin to burn as you felt the familiar shiver of Jake’s cum dripping from you into your panties. He gave you a mischievous wink as he zipped up his jeans, whispering, “Just a little something to remember me by…” prompting you to roll your eyes and giggle, leaning in to tease him with a playful nudge, “As if I could ever forget, Jakey…”
Jake took your arm and helped you walk over to the big comfy chair on your trembling legs, the both of you sharing numerous flirtatious glances that would inevitably turn into giggles. The chair was so large that there was enough room for the both of you to fit sitting in it, as long as you swung your legs over Jake’s— and that was something you’d never pass up an opportunity to do. As you two settled in with your books, you leaned back, resting your head on Jake’s shoulder. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as a thought you’d never expected made its way into your mind. “Hey, Jakey?”
“What is it, baby?” he asked, turning to you, looking satisfied and affectionate— beautiful beyond compare. You stifled another giggle, leaning in to press your forehead to his.
“Let’s hope it rains again tomorrow.”
//
TAGLIST: @sinsofstardust @jakesguitarsolo @losfacedevil @sparrowofthedawnsworld @gold-mines-melting @texas-bbq-pringles @mountain-in-springtime @alwaysonthemend @tripthelightfatality @tommie-gvf @runwayblues @shutupdevvie @heavens-hearken @godly-sinsx @sacredjake @ignite-my-fire @kiska-enthusiast @songbirds-sweet
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mattsboldyy · 11 months ago
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till the stars burn blue | nico hischier
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summary: waking up late, chocolate chip pancakes, movies, matching, devs events; all with the love of your life, nico hischier.
words: 2.1k
authors note: it has quite literally been over a year since i’ve written + posted a fic on here. this one doesn’t really have a plot but, i just had the motivation to write something so i wrote this all in one night. i miss my tumblr friends. i’m so so happy to be back. love u so much! thank u for reading - enjoy enjoy enjoy! xoxo
warnings: fem!reader, i can’t really thing of anything else!
you opened your eyes to the bright, sunlit room, feel a pair of strong arms wrapped around you. you took a deep breath in before slowly turning and facing your boyfriend of two years, still sleeping. you closed your eyes, leaning into the crease of his neck. he smiles sleepily before putting his head on top of yours, tightening his grip on you.
you rarely have mornings like these with nico. most mornings are him being at practice before your feet even hit the floor. even thought it was an off day, there was still an event at the prudential center later that provided a chance for the devils players to get closer to the fans. you were still as thankful for today though. as the captains girlfriend, you always organized and planned a ton of charities for the players and fans to get involved in. it could be stressful at times but honestly, you didn’t mind. you always had a special place in your heart for the devils organization and their fans, and they had one for you too. you had been around for a while so mostly everyone knew of you. you really enjoyed going to devils events.
after twenty minutes of dozing in and out of sleep, you agreed to go make breakfast while nico took a shower. you started by putting on your “morning” playlist on the small speaker that sit atop the kitchen counter which consisted of a lot of ‘the lumineers’, ‘hozier’, and noah kahan and really anything else to that effect. you then got out the ingredients to make chocolate chip pancakes, requested by nico himself after coming to the conclusion that today is like a holiday, considering he rarely gets to sleep in. you were focused on mixing the batter when you felt strong arms wrap around you, pulling you deeper into his chest. “you’re so pretty” he said, as he kissed your cheek. you feel your cheeks heat up as you keep mixing the contents of the bowl. “i love you a lot.” he whispers in your ear as you drop the whisk gently, leaning in it on the side of the bowl before you turn around to face him, reaching up and snaking your arms around the back of his neck. “what do you want?” you ask looking up at him. “what? am i not allowed to be nice to my girl?” he asks with a laugh, looking over your shoulder to the bowl. he lets go of your waist and starts mixing the batter with your arms still wrapped around his neck. he starts humming along to the music before you move your hands to wrap around his body as you lay your head on his chest. you feel his heart beat speed up which makes you laugh lightly, “why’s your heart beating so fast?” “you still make me nervous.” he says, making you pull your head from his chest, “nuh uh” you say looking up at him with your head tilted to the side. “yeah huh” he says looking back down at you, making you laugh.
after eating the pancakes, the two of you make your way to the couch, nico sitting down first and opening his arms as you sit to the right of him, pulling your feet up and leaning your back to him, putting your head in his lap. “what do you wanna watch?” he asks, clicking the power button on the remote, pointing it at the tv. “hmm..” you pause, “mean girls!” nico goes quiet. “babe.” he says looking down, making you tilt your head up to look at him. “what! you asked what i wanted to watch!” you exclaimed, laughing. he rolled his eyes before pressing play. “i love you!” you say as you focus in on the movie. “you’re something else.” he says before moving his hands to your hair.
after laying around for the majority of the day, you decided to get up and take a shower while nico spent time watching highlights on the bedroom tv. coming out of the bathroom, you rummaged through nico’s t-shirt drawer, pulling out a devils development camp shirt back from the summer nico was drafted. you put it on before going back into the bathroom to brush out your hair. you sat down on the bed to watch nico go through his closet, pulling things out and asking if they match. “neeks, honey, black pants match with anything.” you say, trying not to laugh at your boyfriend. “oh. good to know..” he says before turning on his heels and going back into the closet. you got up and quickly picked out a red knit sweater from the hanger in your closet, then some loose fitting black leather pants. you sat there in your phone, listening to nico complain about apparently not having anything to wear even though you had to but more clothes hangars for him just a few weeks ago.
“is that what you’re wearing?” he asked after walking out of the closet for the millionth time in ten minutes. “yeah” you said, still looking down at your phone. he paused for a minute before speaking. “can we just match?” you perked up before smiling and jumping up. you squealed, “you wanna match with me?” he nodded before you ruffed his hair and ran into his closed, he turned toward his closet and smiled as he watched you search for his red sweater. “you know the boys are gonna give you a hard time, right?” you called from the closet. “i know, i don’t care.” he said, digging through his drawers, looking for a pair of black jeans.
you decided to curl your hair and do really neutral, soft makeup and put on plat formed black sneakers. you walked out of the shared bedroom to see nico leaned over the kitchen counter on his phone. he stood up when he saw you walk out. he whistled and walked over to you, meeting you halfway, “look at you,” he says grabbing your hand and spinning you. nico never failed to make you feel like the prettiest girl at all times. he always had your face turning red. “thank you for letting me match with you.” he said wrapping his arms around your waist and putting his chin on the top of your head. “thank me? this is like christmas morning for me. i always want to match with you.” you said, swaying back and forth in his arms. “i’d match with you any day schatzi. i’m a lucky man, not every guy gets to go out and match with the most gorgeous girl in the world.” he kissed your head then lifts your face and kisses your lips, “you ready baby?” he asked.
he gets in the drivers side and starts the drive to the home of the new jersey devils. the sun had gone down and the moon had come out. something about night drives in new jersey were so fun. nico had gotten ahold of your hand, leading them to rest in your lap. after the previous song had faded out, along with the radio hosts voice, desire by cannons had come on. nico looked over at you. “what?” you ask, looking at him as he looks away. “i’ve only heard this song a few times but whenever i hear it i think about you.” he said, taking your hand up to his mouth and kissing it repeatedly just as the chorus started.
“here’s the thing,
i can’t stop thinking about you
can’t stop thinking about you
here, just thinking about you
till the stars burn blue”
“i love you.” you whispered. “i love you more, beautiful.”
pulling into the prudential center, you saw fans all along the outside, waiting for their beloved devils players to appear. “you know, you should come with me to sign stuff. the fans would be happy to see you.” nico said, pulling into the parking spot and switching the car off. “you think so?” you ask, looking at him. he leans his head back on the headrest of the car before rubbing your knee. “of course schatzi, they love you.”
you walked along the line of fans, smiling at every fan that you made eye contact with. nico stopped at a pair of siblings: a younger brother and a older sister. the boy was calling nico’s name the whole way down the barrier. “nico i’m such a big fan! you don’t understand-“ the boy excitedly rambled. “how are you buddy?” nico said, signing his #13 jersey and a hat. you laughed, watching the little boy’s excitement. just as you had turned to walk away behind nico, the older sister spoke up, “oh, uh.. hey y/n?” you turned, “yeah?” you said with a smile, nico stopping and turning along with you. “do you think i can get a picture with you?” she asked looking down at her phone. your face lit up, “really?” you ask before correcting yourself, “i mean, of course you can!” you said while turning to look at nico. he had the biggest smile on his face and winked at you. you leaned in as she held her phone horizontally, snapping a few pictures. “thank you so much y/n. i means a lot!” the girl, no older than 13, smiled. “of course sweet girl! it was so good meeting you!” you wave before latching onto nico’s hand. nico continued signing and taking picture the whole way down the barrier.
ten minutes later and you two were at the entrance of the rink. “are you ready?” he asks, offering you his arm, which you take, “yep!” walking into the rink, nico starts introducing you to some people you’ve never met before that worked on the business side of the devils organization, nico starts talking very passionately about hockey, and his role on the team, squeezing your hand every now and then.
after talking with a lot of the “important people” - as you and nico called them - you two decided to go your separate ways. he went to talk to his teammates and you spotted some of the other wifes and girlfriends. “i see your matching with your lady,” jack teased, walking up to the group of devils players, “that’s cute.” jack finished, laughing. nico smiled, “where’s your girlfriend jack?” nico asked, looking around. “oh whoops. sorry bro. i know it’s a tough topic for ya.” he says, jokingly pushing jacks shoulder, laughing along with the other guys. “alright cap, i see how it is. just wait. my time is comin’.” jack joked before starting up a conversation about the curling activity that was set up in the middle of the room. you had been talking to your friends for a while before you noticed a few of them focus on someone behind you. before you could turn around, you felt familiar arms wrap around you that had done the same thing plenty times earlier that day. “hi. jack, luke, and me are wondering if you can join our curling team.” he asked. “yeah i can!” you smiled, “i’ll see you guys later.” saying bye to the group of girls.
you intertwined your left hand with his and wrapped your right hand around his upper arm as he lead you over to the group of people circling the ice. you reached down to your write to get a hair tie, quickly realizing you don’t have one. you turned around to nico, “i don’t have a hair tie and i wanna put my hair up.” “here ya go.” he says pulling the one that belonged to me off of his wrist and giving it to me with a smile. “thank you.”
you surprisingly did pretty well. after the game was over, nico reached up to give you a high five before lacing his fingers through yours. you and nico walked back to the combined group of wags and players, luke and jack following behind you two. you stood there in the circle of people, looking around before you gasped. “oh nico! there’s a photo booth! can we go?” you looked at him. “i was hoping you wouldn’t notice that.” he laughed a little before he was pulled toward the booth.
after the photo booth, you waited for the photos to come out of the slot. after they finally fell, nico immediately took his wallet out of his pocket before taking one of the four strips of paper and sticking it in the clear part.
he pulled you in for a hug, kissing your head. “thank you for being here, schatz. it means a lot. “always, neeks.”
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marvelous-slut · 1 year ago
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Warmth - Happy Lowman x Reader
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Warnings : Readers death, mentions of digging up graves and dead bodies. Please read this warning before proceeding!!
I don’t even have words for what I just wrote!! Based on Dig Up Her Bones by the Misfits.
Happy looks to the concrete outside of the club house, he watches it rain. It’s a downpour on the town of Charming tonight, he looks down at the Polaroid in his hands. A photo of the two of you, you’re kissing his cheek and he’s holding up a peace sign. He tries to remember the moment, the way your lips felt against his cheek, the way that after the photo was taken the two of you decided to watch a movie and you’d passed out on his chest. He tries to think of something to bring him an ounce of joy but he can’t. He only thinks of the rain and how you hated it. How you hated being cold. He remembers talking to you the first time you two had met, how you’d moved to California to hopefully avoid some cold winters.
He thinks of your body laying in the ground, how you must be so upset that it’s piss pouring the rain on the night you’d been buried. He can’t take the thoughts anymore and he heads to the graveyard. Any other day, he’d hated to ride in the rain but tonight he couldn’t find it in himself to care. One he arrives at the graveyard, he finds your tombstone. He doesn’t even have to search, it’s almost as if something has lead him to it. The graveyard was big, lots of lonely people buried. Some didn’t even have a name, only marked as Jane or John Doe.
You’d been killed three days prior. The process was fast, he’d gotten a call you’d been killed and he needed to identify your body. The club found out you’d been killed by a member of the Mayans and were trying to keep that away from him until things were done with your burial. Happy met your parents for the first time and they cussed him out, your father having to be taken out by your brothers as he was ready to kill Happy. Blaming your death on him and his ‘gang’. He couldn’t blame your father even if he wanted to, because the truth was it would always feel like his fault that you were gone.
He holds a shovel, looking down at your tombstone. Your name, birthday and deathdate under. The quote ‘too well loved to be forgotten’ at the bottom. He feels his eyes burn. He was still in shock of how it was you who had went first when he’d convinced himself he’d always be gone first. How you’d take care of things if he ever met his demise. He just never imagined it going any other way. The dirt is heavy from the rain, almost like cement but it didn’t stop him. He dug, and he dug until he saw a glisten from your black coffin. Once he gets most of the dirt and mud away, he opens it to find your body that he’d seen earlier today. It still didn’t feel real. Still the reality hadn’t sat in that you were here, not with him at the club house laughing at Tig trying to pick up women. Not waiting at home for him to burst through the door with a busted knuckle and for you to kiss it better. No, you were here.
Buried, in cold mud. Alone. He reaches down, stroking your cold face. You look the same, much more pale. You wore the necklace he’d bought you after three months of dating, a small opal necklace. He’d even gotten the letter ‘H’ carved in the back of it the silver. Happy sits down, crying. Something he hadn’t done in years, he couldn’t even remember the last time tears had fallen from his eyes.
“God damn it.” He mutters out, reality had finally struck him. You weren’t coming back home. You’d lay in this coffin, in the ground. No one to hold you, no one to protect you. You didn’t need protecting anymore and Happy knew that. He couldn’t protect you when you were alive, what was he to do now?
Jax and Chibs watch him from a far as they had been tasked to follow him. To keep a tab on him and make sure he hadn’t gone after the men who did this to you. “Jesus Jackie. Never seen the man like this.” Jax sighs, looking up at the sky. He notices the rain stops as Happy pulls something from his bag. A blanket. He bends down, putting the soft fuzzy fabric below your neck and tucks you in. It was the least he could do, make sure you had a sense of warmth while you were here. Jax and Chibs look to one another, knowing Happys mind would be too far gone from any shit with the club or the Mayans tonight to fight. They walk back down the block where they had left their bikes and leave Happy to bury your body again. This time, leaving with a peace of mind that he tried to give you comfort even in death.
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atinyniki · 1 year ago
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big heart, little actions.
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group: stray kids !
pairing: idol!lee minho x f!reader
genre: angst, fluff
warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, established relationships, horror movies, nightmares, crying, reassurance, love confessions.
authors note: had a thought... so i wrote it ! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)
wc: 919
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everyone knows how minho is, even his members. ever since you started talking, you’ve had to learn to get used to it. it was a little difficult to rid yourself of your habits, but you wanted to be as amazing of a girlfriend as you possibly could be to him.
unfortunately, that meant almost no touching. sometimes he’d hug you or hold your hand, but that was just about the extent of it. he did show love in other ways, of course.
he’d buy you gifts, help you make dinner, spend lots of time with you, but you crave more. it feels selfish to want even more than the things he had to offer, but you can’t help it. 
you’re big on skinship but he isn’t. you need to respect that, so that’s what you do. you show affection in the same ways he does, as to not clash with any of his boundaries.
today though, it became incredibly difficult. work has been getting incredibly exhausting, and you’re thinking about quitting. although it isn’t the best option, you’re miserable there. 
your boss hates you, as do your coworkers, completely confused as to why you’d work so hard with a rich boyfriend. things only got worse from there.
“jagi? i’m home!”
you turn your head slowly towards the door, giving him a light smile. “hey…”
“bad day?”
you nod your head lightly, and minho walks to the kitchen to fix you a plate of the food he brought home. 
he brings it to you once he’s done, sitting on the couch next to you but keeping a fair distance. “you wanna watch a movie? just to get your mind off it?”
“sure.”
the two of you sit in silence while the movie plays, jumpscares coming from every which direction. you flinch every time you see one, curling closer into the corner of the couch.
you don’t want to say anything of course, as it seems like minhos enjoying this. you try to suppress your little whimpers, squirming in your seat as to not disturb him. 
the movie ends, but you don’t even notice it, still too shaken up. “you okay?”
you only nod, scared that if you talk you’ll just spew out your fears along with word vomit.
you stand up, “i’m a bit tired. probably going to go to sleep…”
minho is a little confused, he knows how much you hate going to sleep early. you climb into bed, minho not far behind. “i’ll sleep too, then. i have nothing better to do anyways”, he giggles.
you smile at the sound of his laugh, missing the way his face would always scrunch up and show his perfect bunny teeth.
still too exhausted to speak, you lay down onto your side of the bed, facing minhos back.
you want to reach out so badly. you want to tell him to come closer, to hold you. to kiss you. but you can’t. the two foot long distance between the two of you still remains, but you’re too tired to cry about it now. 
you slowly drift off to sleep, trying not to think about it.
the peace didn’t last for long of course, and your slumber is broken by a blood curdling nightmare. maybe you shouldn’t have watched a horror movie tonight.
you suppress your sobs, keeping them down so that minho doesn’t hear, but it’s already too late.
he turns around, looking you in the eyes with a concerned look on his face. “why are you crying…?”
“oh, it’s nothing. just a nightmare.”
he nods in acknowledgment, thinking about ways he could possibly comfort you. you can tell he’s thinking just by the look on his face, but you don’t know what it’s about. 
you continue thinking about what happened in your nightmare, your sobs getting a little louder. minho didn’t notice it before because he was thinking, but it breaks him out of his trance.
almost immediately, he grabs your arm, pulling you flush against him. your eyes go wide, incredibly confused as to what’s happening right now.
he swipes away one of your tears with his thumb, his actions tender. “why don’t you ever touch me?”, you whisper.
he looks down at you, a little confused. “is my touch not comforting?”
“what? i- no! that’s not it, don’t worry. i just don’t like much physical contact.”
you nod your head, finally accepting the fact that these things aren’t gonna happen often, as much as your truly want them to. 
he cups your cheek with his hand, looking at you with stars in his eyes. “i love you.”
he catches you by surprise once again.
“what?”
he pulls you closer to him, nuzzling his nose against your cheek. “i love you. i’m sorry i don’t show it.”
before you can say anything, he cuts you off with a kiss. more specifically, the best kiss you’ve ever had.
the first kiss he’s ever given you.
“minho? is something wrong…?”
“no? why would anything be wrong?”
“i don’t know, you’re just… acting all sappy”
his heart clenches, he knows you don’t mean it in a bad way, and that you’re just confused. “i… i don’t like seeing you cry.”
he pulls you even closer again, kissing over your eyelids and gently rubbing your back with his hand.
you start crying even more, finally giving in and wrapping him in a hug. “thank you… i really needed this.”
“i did too.”
a moment of silence.
“minho.”
“hm?”
“i love you too.”
<3
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sailortongue · 1 year ago
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As YOU Wish
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pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
wc: 1.1k
summary: on the search for a particular book, you have a brief encounter with the owner of a local bookstore. But perhaps the ex-FBI agent also finds himself in search of something more after meeting you
cw: based on the netflix show You so Spencer is a red flag here
an: my cousin wrote the summary and it sounds so cute i had half a mind to rewrite this to just be an innocent meet cute
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The bell above the door chimed, signaling to Spencer that a customer had arrived—the first of the day, actually. He glanced up from the register to see a young woman about his age enter. Beautiful, he thought. He was taking in every aspect of your appearance as quickly as he could. The way you styled your hair, the color of your eyes, the worn-out pair of Converse that rivaled his own pair. He shook his head once to clear his thoughts, not wanting to embarrass himself before he even had the chance to ask for your name.
He plastered a smile on his face and greeted you with a “good morning”.
“Good morning,” you said, returning the smile.
Spencer watched you roam around the store, seemingly browsing more than looking for anything in particular. He noticed the way you gently ran your fingers over the spines of some of the books before pulling them from the shelves to read their summaries. Definitely cherishes her books. But no matter what book you pulled, it was always returned to its place. Spencer began taking notice of the way your eyes roved the many titles available, a small frown becoming more and more prominent the more you looked. Maybe you are looking for something. He voiced his thoughts aloud and called out, “Can I help you find anything?”
You turned to face the admittedly very handsome employee. The smile you gave him this time was one of embarrassment, feeling unreasonably foolish that he’d noticed you struggling to find what you were looking for. From Spencer’s point of view though, that embarrassment looked an awful lot like shyness, which was easily interpreted as interest. Hopefully as much as he had in you.
“Yes, please. I’m trying to find The Princess Bride,” you answered.
Spencer thought about it for a moment, trying to remember if it was in the fantasy, adventure, or romance section. “It is . . .” he started, dragging out the last syllable as he walked farther into the shelves with you following close behind. “right here,” he finished, gesturing to the book in question.
“Thank you!” you exclaimed excitedly. Just before you were going to reach for it, an idea struck you. You hoped and prayed that he’d understand, otherwise you’d just be embarrassing yourself again. Should that happen, you'd simply never come back to this store and would probably dwell on it for the rest of your life. You decided to take the chance anyway. “Fetch me that book?” you asked him.
Spencer looked at you incredulously. Is she serious? The shelf is barely above her head, she could reach it with no pro— 
He chuckled as he realized what you were referencing. He grinned down at you as he pulled the book from the shelf. “As you wish.”
You giggled as he handed it to you. “So happy you understood that. I think I would have died of shame if you didn’t.”
That got a true laugh out of the handsome man.  “I’ll admit it took me a second to get it, but that was perfect. Have you read it before or just watched the movie?”
“I’ve read it before, but my copy has up and vanished. It’s one of my favorites, so it was imperative that I get another one.”
He nods as if in understanding but his expression is one of confusion. “If it’s one of your favorites, then how did you lose it?”
“I just moved here recently. Went through all of my boxes but still can’t find it, so I’ve chalked it up to it getting lost in the move.”
“Well then, I’m glad to have been of assistance. Is that all you were looking for today?”
“For today, yes, but I’ll definitely be back. I don't think I’ve ever been in a bookstore as cozy as this one.”
Spencer beamed at you, pleased with your praise of the shop he’d worked so hard to establish. “Thank you. I worked very hard to make it that way.”
You looked at him quizzically. “You designed the shop?”
“No, I own it,” he said humorously. “Spencer Reid, owner of Reid’s Reads. It’s nice to meet you,” he introduced himself, even going as far as to offer you his hand, which ordinarily he’d never do. But the thought of initiating any kind of skin-to-skin contact was too thrilling to pass up.
“I’m Y/n, it’s nice to meet you, too,” you said, shaking the hand he’d offered.
“If that’s all you need then I can go ahead and get you checked out?” His eyes were wide and expressive as he looked to you for confirmation.
“Oh. Right.” Heat rose to your cheeks unbidden and you tried your best to keep your emotions in check. But unbeknownst to you, Spencer was a former FBI agent that specialized in such things, not to mention a certified genius. How cute. She’s blushing again. He also took note of the poorly hidden upturn of your lips. Why so shy? Just smile at me, sweetheart. 
He gestured for you to walk ahead of him. “Ladies first.”
He followed behind you to the register, glad for the opportunity to check you out in more ways than one.
You placed the book on the counter, and Spencer resumed his position behind the register. He scanned the book and read out the price to you. Pay with a card. Pay with a card. Pay with a card. he chanted mentally. 
Bingo. You pulled the piece of plastic from your wallet and handed it to him. He read the name as subtly as he could. You’d given him your first name, but a first name wouldn't be enough to find you online. He swiped your card and bagged your book, making sure to let his hand brush against yours as he handed the items to you.
“It was nice meeting you, Y/n. Do come again.”
“Oh, I will. Have a good day!” you said as you were leaving, giving him a small wave. The bell chimed as the door was opened again, and his eyes remained on your figure as he watched you through the large windows at the front of the store until you were out of sight.
With your full name now committed to memory, he planned on finding every trace of you online that he could as soon as he was home from work. He was no Penelope Garcia, but this wasn't something he particularly wanted the FBI involved in.
And so, for the rest of the day, his thoughts were consumed with only one thing: you.
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forrealaperson · 11 months ago
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I haven’t posted a lot of original stuff on my blog but when I have, it was about the Alexander (2004) movie and here is one aspect that I adore about that film that I haven’t read yet on the internet. Maybe I have to preface it by saying that I didn’t have big big expectations on the portrayal of Alexander and Hephaistions relationship going into the movie. It came out the same year as Troy and we all know how that went. Now here is an excerpt of the three pages document that I wrote after watching this movie (the Ultimate Cut):
There is one thing that I would really like to discuss in the depiction of Alexander and Hephaistions relationship. It is the lack of a kiss between the two. I was indeed wondering if there would be one, from before watching (though then, I really did not expect it) to the first scene with „it is hardest to be alone“. And then throughout the second half of the movie until the end, I wondered if they would kiss at Hephaistions death scene. Speaking now, I am really glad that they didn’t and here is why. Now there are a lot of kisses shared between various characters, Alexander even kisses his mother on the mouth. I interpreted that one as more of a „violent“ act. They were fighting in that scene. Whereas his father, he would hit, he kisses his mother. He kisses Bagaos as a show, to symbolise his love to the eunuch or his desired unity between the Persians and Macedonians. He never kisses Hephaistion on screen. This may also be a tribute to the fact that we don’t exactly know to which degree they were physically intimate and I find that okay. It is because we are very clearly and openly shown how profound their relationship and love for one another is. A great focus is laid upon the fact that there is no denying the love between them that is more important to Alexander than any other. So much that I think that any kiss would not do them justice; no kiss would be a greater symbol than any of their other scenes. It would feel flat. In particular a kiss at the deathbed could hold an implicit meaning that they did not kiss before that moment, which I do not like to think.
I like how they showed the relationship in its organic form. Their hugs are more intense and I feel like they convey the strength of the relationship more than a kiss would. No one hugs their (only) best friend like that. That is clear. There is no open interpretation.
A kiss in passing would have been nice as well, but the absence makes the fact stand out and I do like it this way. I like that it demonstrates that you don‘t need a kiss to depict a romantic relationship. That is also why I think that it could never be made this way today. Because there would be public uproar at how there wasn’t a kiss and how dare they and how it would be cowardly that they didn’t even shoot a kiss. Everything needs to be explicit nowadays, there is a checklist to go through for every film.
(this is only one way to think of it though - romances were always explicit - but I do feel this way in regards to the Alexander film)
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lonesome-witching · 7 months ago
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Memory Lane
Late posting because my mom just got home from a trip and things have been busy. Anyway, today we go back to some previous prompts and dive into the no way home spiderman ronance au. (Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 )
Do you have any prompts yourself? Or do you want to dive into what I wrote before? You can read my previous prompts or send me some new ones.
“What are you reading?” Robin asked as she walked into the room. Nancy tried not to look up, but she couldn’t refrain herself. Robin’s hair was stuck to her face, her spiderman outfit tight around her muscles.
“A book on memory loss.”
Robin stopped walking. “It’s not going to work.”
Nancy closed the book. “That might be so, but I didn’t find any books on magic.”
“I don’t think there is anything we can do to bring your memory back.”
“I refuse to believe that.”
Robin sat down on the couch in Nancy’s apartment. They’d been doing this often. Robin coming over as if she belonged there. They’d kiss sometimes. Or they’d watch a movie, or they would talk until the sun came up. It felt an awful lot like a relationship. Nancy wouldn’t mind if it was one.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” Robin sighed.
“Do you have any ideas? You know much more about magic than I do.”
“Well, in reality I don’t know all that much about magic. I just got some help from— Never mind. I don’t really know what could help, sorry.”
Nancy nodded her head.
-
Robin hadn’t been all too excited to take a trip down memory lane. But she did it anyway. For Nancy. It was plain to see that she didn’t like being here. The here in question was the Starcourt mall.
“This is where we first met. Or at least, seriously met. I had a job over there, at Scoops Ahoy, with Steve. And you were here with your boyfriend, Jonathan, when this freak monster attacked. It was after closing, but Steve would allow you stay longer because he wanted to get you back. I didn’t have the time to put my suit on, so I just went for it in that stupid sailor uniform. After I saved your life, you know what you said?”
Nancy shook her head. She liked listening to Robin’s voice. “I wish I did.”
“I saved your lives and you just looked at me and said, ‘who are you?’ It was kind of hilarious.”
“I did not say that,” Nancy gasped.
“You sure did. Nothing coming back to you yet?”
“No, sorry.”
“It’s alright, it’s not your fault.”
“Maybe we should try roleplaying. You in that sailor uniform with the short shorts?” Nancy suggested with a teasing smile on her face.
“Is that something you’re into? Because I still have that uniform in the back of my closet.”
Nancy hummed.
-
They were sitting across from each other. Candles and fully filled plates in between them.
“Our first date.”
“You were romantic.”
“Actually, you organized it. You cooked and everything. It was lovely.”
Nancy cleared her throat. She had never put much effort in her dates. Steve and Jonathan had been forced to do all the work. She couldn’t imagine doing this much for someone. And yet, she believed it.
“In that case we didn’t mimic it all that well. You cooked tonight.”
“Well, yeah. I remember what we had for dinner, and I thought it’d be easier if I just went ahead and made it. We can always try again with you cooking.”
“I’m honestly a very bad cook. I doubt I ever cooked for you.”
Robin chuckled. “That is true. You’re not a good cook.”
“Oh, so that’s why you cooked tonight, huh?”
Robin bit her bottom lip.
-
“Hypnosis,” Nancy said, dropping her books on the kitchen table.
“What?” Robin looked up from her plate.
“Hypnosis. It’s said to work for amnesia, and I don’t know how else to explain what I have. It’s worth a shot.”
“Alright.”
“So, are we gonna do it?”
“You want me to hypnotize you?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t want to go to some stranger and accidentally tell him that you are spiderman.”
Robin nodded. “That’s fair. There is just one problem.”
“What is that?”
“I don’t know how to hypnotize people.”
“I’m sure it’s not that difficult. I got you some books on it. Here you go.” She pushed the pile towards Robin.
“Alrighty then.”
-
“So, lay down and relax.” Robin was still holding the book as she directed her.
“Okay.” Nancy did as she was told, leaning back on her couch.
“Now, close your eyes.”
She almost didn’t want to. But she had no choice. This had been her idea and she wanted to remember.
“Okay, good. Now listen to my voice. You’re going to imagine a flight of stairs and with every step you’ll sink further into your subconscious. Take the first step.”
Nancy tried her best to do exactly what Robin was asking of her. But she couldn’t feel anything. Not after the first step or the second or the third. Eventually she was supposed to be as deep as she could, but it felt like she was just there. With Robin. In the now, not in the past.
“Now, try to remember me. Try to dig deep into your mind and go back to the past.”
Nancy tried. She went as far back as she could. She remembered her childhood, her younger brother, Mike, and her sister, Holly. She backpedaled and remembered meeting Steve. Their relationship. Then Jonathan. She should be close. But when she remembered Starcourt, she couldn’t remember Robin. Nowhere in her mind was any sign of Robin until that recent encounter. Until their reconnection.
“It’s not working,” Nancy said, sitting up.
“I didn’t think it would.” But Robin looked so sad as she said it.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, it was my decision.”
“We can make new memories.”
“Yes, we can. Where should we start.” Robin put the book away.
“Well, I really would like to see you in that sailor uniform.”
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eliashirsch · 1 year ago
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I thought it’d be interesting to look back on how much my writing has improved in a year!
Top Gun is the only fandom I’ve ever fallen into a rabbit hole deep enough to want to write any serious fanfiction for. It’s actually why I approach my writing today in a ‘professional’ manner (actually revising and doing line edits etc) and for the first time in my life, I’m considering it as a viable career. So it’s safe to say Top Gun has changed my life in ways I never would’ve expected it. 
I knew of Top Gun from watching Maverick and was so impressed I decided to immediately go to Ao3 because I knew there were going to be some fics about Mav and Rooster (I remembered the exact moment I got home and opened my phone and was delighted to know I was right). Back then the tag wasn’t even official yet. It’s great to see it grow over a year! (I’m still refreshing the Top Gun Movies tag for any new fics. Does anyone do that still?)
So here’s the fic that I decided to write on a random day in June 2022, featuring Mav and the Dagger Squad after the mission, and Ice being exasperated over their antics. It’s a little silly, definitely in a time when team as family fics were popular. I actually wrote about 45k in two months, which was fast for me back then!
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I think a canon event for a beginner fanfic writer is when a character ends up in the hospital, there’s a scene where their injuries are described in detail (which as a reader, I usually skim those). I think it’s to create a ‘realistic’ setting, but really, there are better ways to describe said character’s injuries. 
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Looking back, there are a lot of scenes that feel very unnatural. Real people don’t really talk this way, it feels very like, cartoonish for them to reveal information this way. Again, just very fanfic-y. Not really good writing.
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But I had a lot of fun writing these! The Daggers don’t exactly act like adults or have nuances and stuff. They’re mostly there for humor (or more like injecting my humor, which is kinda cringey when I read these back) but hey, at least I can look at these with nostalgia the same way a burnt-out artist looks back at their childhood drawing and remember the good times when life and pressure didn’t get in the way of creating.
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Compare these with my more recent writings. I don’t know I just look at this and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. How better I am at pacing and characterization and making believable scenes and everything. It’s just asdkasjfhankakljk so proud of myself. (Excerpt from my fic.)
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Another comparison, this one’s a first draft rather than a finished work. So it’s not super polished, but still infinitely better than how I started. I mean, you can even see the difference in format. I started out writing with Arial and a white background, and now I can't stand writing in anything other than a dark bg. Also, Calibri is the best font idc what anyone says.
That’s it! Thanks for reading to the end! A reminder that the more you practice and hone your work, you are going to improve! It’s possible, just keep going!
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jeannereames · 11 months ago
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There is this question/idea that has always kinda fascinated me and I wanted an opinion of a historian on this.
Imagine someone wanted to makes a tv series/movie about a historical person/event/time period/..., and they wanted to make it as historically accurate as possible while still keeping it interesting and captivating enough for modern, non-historian audiances. I feel like getting the costumes, events and characters 99% historically correct can be possible. However one thing might be a lot more difficult: choosing what language(s) to use.
Do you go for
A) The actual historical languages that were used (but nobody speaks anymore today). Which would be both the hardest to implement and to reach modern audiences.
B) The modern versions of the historical languages. Which would be easier and more accessible but still a bit limiting.
C) Just do it in English. Which is the least accurate but might reach the widest audience.
Which one would you recommend and which one would you personally prefer (if these are not the same)?
Several issues face anybody writing historical novels, or making films. I’ve talked about some of these in the following posts:
Writing Historical Fiction (Well): a 5-part series that discusses the challenges and pitfalls of historical fiction. This link takes you to part 1 with subsequent parts linked within.
A shorter post on common ways to approach historicals in film (or narration).
What (I think) needs to be shown about Alexander in an documentary and/or historical film to approach realism. I talk here about some of the attendant issues especially for making a film.
 Now, to your comment about costumes and events 99% accurate…you’d face two very real hurdles:
Funding…that was possibly the #1 problem for the Netflix docudrama. They didn’t have anywhere near the funding they really needed. Just because Netflix funded it, that didn’t make it “big budget.”
Not confusing your audience with a lot of unfamiliar names and seemingly repeating events. It would require judicious “weeding.”
Oliver Stone’s Alexander did quite well, for the most part, on costuming and sets. Yet it failed for two big reasons. First, he couldn’t resist throwing in too much, and a repetitive script, even while skipping material necessary to help an audience understand why the army followed Alexander to the ends of the earth. Second, he didn’t understand the basic mindset of the ancient world, and so imposed a bunch of modern ideas and attitudes. I wrote a fairly in-depth review not long after it came out. It’s still up on my website.
As for languages…
It would be an enormous mistake to try to use ancient Greek, or rather Attic and Doric Greek, Old Persian, Aramaic, Demotic Coptic, Prakrit, eastern Akkadian … etc., etc. That’s what you’re looking at. First, finding somebody able to write a script in all those languages is impossible. No single person reads them all, even among historians. We specialize for a reason. You’d be paying multiple experts to write a script that nobody living could understand—and would take a lot of coaching for the actors even to pronounce properly. Additionally, you’d narrow your audience to those willing to put up with subtitles.
The founding-of-Rome Italian TV series Romulus used Latin. This worked only because it was one language and was marketed originally to an Italian audience. Latin isn’t Italian by a long shot, but it wasn’t wholly unfamiliar in sound. That said, it was more of an “art film” type. I (an ancient historian) quit watching it after the second episode because it was too much work, tbh. (It was also a lot bloodier than I was in the mood for, in the midst of Covid.)
But if you want to see a (good) example of what you’re suggesting, that’s one. Another, similar, is The Fast Runner, which is entirely written and performed in Inuktitut, an Alaskan language (albeit not ancient), and set in the mythical past. Despite its awards, it’s virtually unknown outside indigenous and art-film circles. I did watch all of that one (and liked it), but it was a single movie, not a series.
(Yes, I’m aware of Apocalypto, but I consider that more an example of why you don’t make a film in a language people can’t understand. It’s in Yacatec Mayan, which is actually modern. In that, it’s not unlike the Inuktitut in The Fast Runner, but the latter works better, imo.)
If you want to make a movie that will be watched and understood by non-specialist, non-art-house audiences, you will have to use English (or whatever language of the country it’s being marketed to). And you’ll need to think some about dialogue. How “archaic” do you want to get? Too much authenticity can send viewers into fits of giggles…probably not the approach one is going for. 😊
That’s why, in Dancing with the Lion, I opted to utilize fairly modern dialogue, then pepper it with a bit of Greek here and there. 1) Words easy to figure out. (“Idou!” = “Look!” as in, “Look, I know you think I’m…”.) OR 2) words difficult to render into English without it sounding silly or overly Christianized. (“Oimoi!” = “Woe!” but equivalent to “Damn!” which evokes Christian ideas.) Not every reader liked my choice, mind, but that’s why I made it.
Other writers, such as several in the newly popular “modern takes on Greek myths” employ something more akin to Mary Renault’s slightly archaizing approach. It’s also been used by Judy Tarr and Jo Graham in their historical fantasies. I like that option too, it’s just not mine.
But I wouldn’t get too complicated, or you’ll confuse (and thus lose) your audience.
But coming back to the number one hurdle to film authenticity in costumes, sets, quality actors, and crew … MONEY. To do it especially well, it doesn’t just take a commitment to authenticity, but an enormous budget. Oliver Stone’s Alexander cost 155 million dollars. I expect you could to it for less than that, but everything from good costumes to rentals of multiple sets used once (like a theatre for Philip’s murder), to horses and stunt actors, to quality CGI…to decent (if not A-list) actors, writers, historical consultants (more than just one as none of us can do it ALL)—that costs. You’ve got to be the likes of Stone to get investors to pony up for that. He started talking about making it way back in the early ‘90s, and it took him to the early 2000s to get the money.
Unfortunately, absolute authenticity is expensive in a story as far-flung as Alexander’s. It’s what a lot of the critique of the Netflix show really doesn’t get. There are still issues with it that doesn’t owe to money, but multiple compromises were made due to a lack of funds.
If you wanted to do Alexander, it might make more sense NOT to try to do it all. Do a portion of his life. See how that sells, then investors might be willing to kick in more money. Inevitably, I think showrunners want to do too much at once.
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k-x-tana · 2 years ago
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'I see you'
Pairings: Merida DunBroch & Hiccup Haddock Horrendous III (mostly platonic)
Word count: 5,424
Synopsis:
After reuniting with his mother during a crusade for magic, Hiccup is overwhelmed by the things that this event has awakened, however, he is not alone, a good friend comes to help him.
Or, where Merida and Hiccup tell each other parts of their lives that they hadn’t allowed themselves to share with anyone else.
(Most of this is just Hiccup and Merida telling each other how they viewed their stories)
Warnings: Abandonment issues, regret, insecurities.
Author's note:
Hi everyone! First of all, this is my first fanfic ever, I wrote this just to please my 9-year-old-self and she was obsessed with mericcup, but it has little to no romantic content, it's more of a character study, I needed to understand MY Hiccup, because I changed A LOT of the HTTYD plot, I really just stayed with the first movie, the rest it's just little bits of all of the other things, so keep that in mind. For me it's just the start on a slow burn but but you don't have to see it the same way.
Also, this is part of a RoTBTFD saga, and if you just like all of this people being friends, no shipp drama (not even the canon one), then the first book of said saga is for you, no shipps, just friends and bonding and a little bit of angst, after that, there willl be slowburn mericcup, so stay tuned! (The thing with Hiccup and Valka would be fixed eventually, it's in their nature to understand).
Thanks for reading!
Other places to read:
AO3 (english)
AO3 (spanish)
Wattpad (spanish)
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That morning, Hiccup discovered that her mother had not been killed by a dragon, leaving no trace behind, but left Berk, she had seen how a dragon showed curiosity for her son, saw that dragons are not bloodthirsty beasts, she thought maybe there was something else behind all this ridiculous war, but if so, in the village they would never listen to her, they would probably throw her overboard; being the village chieftess would not gain her any privileges. So she left her son in the care of her husband, and left the only home she had ever known.
When Valka and Stoick reunited, she was sure he would hate her; but her husband simply took her face, wiped her tears and welcomed her back into the family; turns out that Vikings don’t usually stop to think about the past. Or, well, most Vikings.
At first Hiccup was happy, but as the day went on, he began to think about what it meant for his mother to be gone, everything plummeted when in his mind a short, simple and hurtful phrase echoed: "So, that’s why she left me".
That terrible idea did not come alone, it took many different forms, but so far it had not left him alone. Hiccup retained his emotions as much as he could, it wasn’t something he used to do, but this time he didn’t really know how to act, so he kept a slight smile all day and just watched her parents dance, love and tell how much they had missed each other. During the night everything exploded. In his insomnia, Hiccup was scheming so many ideas and questions that he thought he would ignite at any moment. Then he began to feel that he was short of air and that he had a big, heavy lump in his throat, he needed fresh air urgently, so he began to walk towards the exit, and he inadvertently started running; he only stopped outside the ice cave, then the air began to fill his lungs again, but it was not enough to continue to hold the cry and fell on his knees. Shortly after that, Toothless arrived, he brought a boot and a blanket, the dragon had accompanied him for many nights where it was only him, Toothless, the fire of the chimney and his silent tears, today he did not care to let out sobs or gasps, he was tired of being silent.
The pair of friends were huddled together, until the sound of the iron falling interrupted them.
-Hiccup? Oh my, are you hurt? Is everything okay?
It was Merida, her hair looked even more agitated than usual and she had an untied boot. What they heard was the girl’s huge sword that she had dropped to the ground as soon as she saw Hiccup hugging Toothless and rushed over to make sure they were okay.
-What are you doing up?
-I... couldn’t sleep and I heard you running away, I thought something would have attacked you, besides, I don’t know if your sense of direction is as bad as Corona’s and I didn’t want you to get lost here by yourself.
She finished scanning them and their agitated breathing began to stabilize, apparently no one had hurt them. However, she noticed his friend’s wet eyes and the dragon’s sad look.
-Oh Hiccup, do you need anything? I can give you some space, or listen to you or just stay with you without talking or-
-Stay. Please stay.
The boy wiped his face a little, sat on the edge of an overhanging rock and pointed the place to her. She sat and then turned to him:
-Do you... want to talk?
-I’m not sure, but I’d like to try.
-Whatever you need.
She smiled at him, and he returned the gesture. Toothless moved a little so that Merida could reach his head to scratch it. Hiccup took a deep breath:
-These days have left me exhausted, but today more than tired, I am... confused, I think, a little angry even. Meeting your mother after 20 years shouldn’t be so painful, I should be happy, all my life I was imagining what my life would have been like if she had been with me at Berk. I thought that would have made the days where I haven't met Toothless yet, well, easier. I never imagined there would be a life with her away from the island, and now I’m not sure what I would have preferred, or why I care so much to answer that question.
-How did you imagine your life with her before?
-Well... I don’t know, I think that more than having her with me, I needed someone to keep me company, anyone. I know it’s hard to believe, but I wasn’t always "Berk’s pride".
In the last sentence Hiccup made his voice deeper and bent his arms showing his thin biceps. "At least he still maintains his terrible sense of humor," she thought. Then the boy returned to his hunched pose, resting his elbows on his knees.
-I tried to fit in as much as I could with the other Vikings, to be strong and big like them, but as hard as I tried I could never, not quite. You know? For the last attack before we faced the red death, my father needed volunteers to go on an expedition to find the nest, and nobody wanted to go until he said that whoever stayed would have to take care of me. Of all the adults in the village, only Gobber, the old woman and a couple of farmers stayed on the island. Maybe they didn’t see me as a productive member of the community, and I was always screwing up, but they didn’t gave me a chance to prove otherwise either, they’re too stubborn to do something like that. Before I understood that dragons are not enemies, I was always to be equal to others, or not to get in the way. I was so lonely for so long.
Merida thought of her father, he taught her that she had potential, to develop it, she couldn't imagine what life could have been in the castle without him. However, the walls of the castle were very lonely as well, more so when her brothers were not yet born.
-And today, to see her, to know her a little... We are very similar, now I see that all of this-
He pointed at all of himself.
-Didn’t came out of nowhere. I think having her would have made me feel accompanied, understood. And the worst thing is that she saw Berk, she lived there, Gods! She was the head of the village! , she saw everything that was wrong about dragons, and she saw me, she knew I was not as strong as the rest because I came early to this world and almost died in the crib. Still, I don’t understand what made her think Berk was a good place to leave me all alone. And I know it’s unfair to say that, I had my father and Gobber, but being the Chief while grieving her, I wasn’t his only responsibility, since I was 7 he left me almost totally in charge of Gobber, and neither of them ever listens to me. I don’t understand how anyone can make that decision... But I’m willing to listen, maybe I don’t like what she'll say, but I think I need answers.
The boy turned to see his friend, and was surprised to see her gaze fixed on him, it seemed that she was about to release an arrow, one would think that that expression would be intimidating, but Hiccup had seen her frown the same way when Jack showed her the way, or when Rapunzel explained to her how they had solved the whole matter of her hair, the sun and the moon; she was simply paying attention to him, only that he had never seen her so determined (and so close). The boy felt the heat running down his face to his ears and looked down, he thanked for his tan skin and Odin who hid the sun so she wouldn't notice. Even now that he was used to being listened attentively by the entire village, he had never talked about that part of his life with anyone, not even Astrid, because it was not necessary, she had seen it with her own eyes.
-What about the blonde girl? I thought you and her... Well, you have a very strong connection, I thought she would have been with you since the beginning.
-You mean Astrid?
-She’s the only blonde girl in the group, Haddock, I doubt you can mistake her for Gobber.
The boy smiled slightly, she was right, and he really needed sleep.
-Oh, well, she became my friend thanks to Toothless, like everyone else, although our story is a little more complicated than that. I remember when we were barely 10 years old I used to go out and walk in the woods as far as I could, and once I got lost, that time I thought the rest of my life I would live among deer and rabbits, but she found me, told me "no Viking should be left behind", then took my hand, guided me through the forest showing me in detail what was the way back. By the time we saw the village again, she had my heart in her hands.
-You really are easy to impress, huh?
-Hey, that was the first time someone from the village care to help me. And the first time someone called me a 'Viking'.
-As you say, lover boy.
-Well, after that, it was about four years of absolutely nothing, at best she scolded me, saying that I had to take my place among others, take things seriously or try harder. Today I understand why she told me all those things, she was one of the few who had a little common sense, and it was always central to her the commitment to Berk and the community, without blind trust, of course. She was the first to trust me and Toothless, the first to know about him, and the first to support me in the fight against the red death. But it was only until that moment that she really saw me, that she regarded me as more than just another child in the village. And after the battle with the dragons ended, she... Well, she fell in love with me, and she didn’t know what to do with that, so she acted like nothing happened, and when I tried to get close to her, she would get me away, usually with hurtful words.
-How did you solve that? You look so close now...- She had the same eyes a kid has when the bedtime story gets too exciting.
-Actually, we fixed it because I exploded and asked for an explanation
-Did you have to explode to ask for an explanation?
-Huh, I guess so.
-And did you told each other how you felt?
-It sounds easier than it is, but yes, long story short we did. Now that we knew that we loved each other, it seemed pretty easy to fix everything, right? Well, we tried to be together for a while, but we realized that we wanted different things, she wanted to stay and I wanted to leave, and that what was good for us was just to support each other and that made our friendship even stronger, she would make sure I don't lose the floor and I would help her... Well, I’m not really sure, but she likes me a lot so I guess I have to do something right. She’s like my soul mate and she’s one of the most important people in my life.
-So you’re not together now?
-Nope, this guy is single. Why? You interested?
Hiccup arched an eyebrow and gave her a smirk. A very dumb one. Merida let out a chortle, although it really sounded far away from a normal laugh.
-Okay, I have experience with rejections, but you didn’t have to make fun of me like that.
Hiccup’s remark only made her laugh more, and instead of feeling offended, the laugh became contagious.
-I guess I have a bright future, I have found my mother, new friends, a mission, an opportunity to learn more about dragons... Maybe I didn’t get a girlfriend with a stunning Scottish accent, but whatever.
-If you keep making me laugh we’ll wake up the others.
-It seems that I touched a nerve.
-You have no idea.
-I could, if you'd like to tell me...
-I would like to, but I’m not sure this is the right timing, you are my priority right now.
There was silence for a moment, a warmer feeling in Hiccup's stomach.
-Gods, you have no idea how much I like to hear that.
Hiccup smiled at Merida, and this time she was the one who suddenly had her face as red as her hair. She didn’t thank anything nor anyone, she was well aware that even in the dark night her carmine face was evident.
-I’d like to say that to you more often, but if you’re going to get all sentimental every time I do, then I think I’ll keep it for special occasions only.
-Ha ha, how funny, even when you blush for my charms you take advantage of my vulnerability.
-You’re not as charming as you think, Haddock.
-Ouch, okay. Thanks for your consideration, but I think a distraction might help, let me listen to you for a while, would you?
Merida sighed, took her hands to her face, hoping the cold touch would help lower the temperature of her cheeks.
-Okay, I’ll tell you.
Hiccup got up, moving a little away from the edge, Toothless accompanied him and settled down so that the two friends could lie down on him and look at the stars. Merida understood and settled down on the side of Hiccup, arranged the blanket that Toothless had brought to cover them both.
-You see, a few years ago, my mother sent three letters to the lords of the allied houses, Macguffin, Dingwall and Macintosh. I had already reached the appropriate age to make the traditional games for the heirs of each house to fight for my hand in marriage.
-Wow, do they really do that in your village?
-I’ll get to that. And actually, we are a kingdom.
-Alright new-world girl, get on with your story.
-So, all my life I lived inside the castle, I only went out to ride Angus or for some lesson; I do not know how my mother expected me to be ready to marry when I had only had human contact with my family and the people who work in the castle; or maybe that’s the whole point. Anyway, back then, my mom and I had a terrible relationship, she wanted me to become this perfect princess, a symbol of righteousness and grace that is always at the service of all and whose life is limited to tending the castle and the lands. And I’ve never wanted that, I mean, now I understand why all the boring protocols I’ve been taught throughout my life are important, and why I'm important. But at the time my mother only thought that this was the only goal of my life and I thought that nothing that happened made sense.
-I think I would have thought the same as you.
-It was difficult not to do so when no one ever explains you the reason for something but force you to obey it.
-Touché.
-When the lords and their sons arrived, my mother explained the rules "Only the firstborn of each clan can compete for the hand of the princess of DunBroch", and well, I am the firstborn of my clan. And, according to tradition, the princess chooses the activity with which the clans compete.
-Let me guess, you chose archery
-Duh. Nonetheless, when I faced the clans to defend my hand I almost started a war. My mother was furious, we had a big fight and I thought that the only way to achieve what I wanted was by changing my mother so that the thought that bethrothing me to some lord was not necessary. I took Angus and I rode into the forest, we reached some very old stone steles, in my kingdom we say that those stones were placed by benevolent trolls, and that there they wrote instructions to control magic, as a symbol of peace between the men and the creatures of the forest. It’s a very important magic center. When I got there, the first thing I saw was a path of little blue fire-like creatures, what we call Will-o’-the-whisp, souls that decided to stay longer on earth to guide the living to their destiny. They took me to a witch’s cabin and I asked for an enchantment to change my mother, I wanted her to stop believing that marriage was a good idea, but when I came home and gave the enchantment to my mom, she turned into a bear. Once again I acted without knowing the consequences.
"Magic really is strong in DunBroch", he thought while trying to hide his amazed expression. At the same time, he remembered having an encounter with something very similar to this souls Merida described, but kept it to himself.
-Then I had to take her out of the castle, and try to find answers. Meanwhile, my mom and I had the opportunity to get to know each other a little better, she listened to me and I listened to her, or something like that, she was a bear, she couldn’t communicate with anything but gestures.
-That explains why it is so easy for you to understand Toothless.- he said, althoug he didn't mean it to be outloud. He scolded himself.
-You think so? Corona is also tactful with animals and this boy gets along very well with Jack.
She said as she scratched the dragon’s forehead, he seemed very comfortable and happy.- He relaxed a bit, he hadn't lied anyways.
-Yes, but you listen more calmly and do it more often, I think you are the only one who "converses" with him besides me. I would even say you're his second favorite, after me, of course.
Toothless turned a little to lick Merida’s face.
-Toothless, I told you that doesn’t come off! Stubborn, giant lizard. Wait, I have a handkerchief over here.
-Don’t worry, that's how you show affection, don’t you? oh, poor boy, the bad Viking mistreats you?
Toothless nodded, feigning a painful scream as Merida scratched his chin.
-Great, another rejection.
-What can I say?, everyone wants a little of me, you should get used to it.
-And here I thought that this trip would lead me to make more friends, not to lose those I already have.
-Do you want to keep listening to my story or are you going to keep feeling sorry for yourself?
-Please continue, at least I will know well who is leaving me alone in the world once more.
Merida rolled her eyes, but she contained laughter.
-Well, we went back to the witch’s cabin, and it turned out she left us a message, said we only had two days to undo the enchantment or my mother would become a bear forever, and just recited a couple of rhymes as a clue.
The girl cleared her throat a little and gave a more mystical tone to her voice:
-’Fate be changed, look inside. Mend the bond torn by pride.’
Hiccup felt chills, sometimes he forgets that Merida can have visions and recite prophecies, when the girl’s blue eyes became glassy, as if looking at something in the distance, while speaking in Gaelic.
-That was really creepy.
-I think you’re too soft.
-Oh come on, attacking me again. Better keep talking.
-As you wish. The point is that it didn’t really tell us anything, so we left, frustrated. Well, before that we made a couple of weird mixes with the jars the witch had left and almost destroyed the whole cabin.
-I think we should reconsider entrusting you with the spell...
-Haven’t you just say you wanted a chance to prove yourself despite your mistakes and-
-Okay, okay, I get it.
-Better. Then we were discouraged and nervous, but once again the will-o’-the-whisp guided us, this time towards the ruins of an old kingdom. That’s where I had my first vision. I touched a broken carved stone, and I saw a man become a bear in an ancient throne room. You see, my mother always told me the story of an ancient kingdom, the king divided the kingdom among his four sons before he died, but the elder was superb, and proclaimed himself the legitimate leader of all the land above his brothers, The war on those lands continued until my father and the lords united to defeat a common enemy. Remember when I told you how my father lost his leg?
-He was attacked by a bear called Mort
-Mor'du, but yes. It turned out that in all that time, the greedy son who faced his brothers became Mor'du, he wanted the strength of 10 men and asked the witch for the same enchantment as me. When I returned to the present and saw the broken stone, I understood what the witch told me: during the fight with my mother, I cut in half a tapestry that she was making, the whole family was in it, I sliced my sword right were my mother and I held hands. That tapestry had to be mended. Suddenly, in the shadows I saw a huge beast full of arrows that pierced his thick skin, a blind eye, and a black and ruffled fur that was advancing dangerously towards me. Without knowing it, we had entered Mor'du’s home. My mother and I ran and we managed to lose him. Now that we knew what to do, we went sneaking to the palace. Meanwhile, in the castle, things were getting tense, the lords wanted to know which clan I was going to marry. My father defended me every second...
Merida smiled slightly, remembering her father's courage.
-Before mending the tapestry we had to avoid a war, so I went to talk to the lords while my mother explained to me with signs what to say, and against all odds, my mother asked me to say to break with tradition and give me and the young heirs, the opportunity to follow our heart and find love in its time.
-That's hard to believe, amazing.
-I know, I wouldn't have expected it, I was honestly about to pick one of those three before my mother stopped me to give a precious speech about making our own decisions.
-Really? Which one were you going to choose?
Hiccup's eyes were mischievous. In less than a second, Merida’s face was boiling.
-It is not important.
-Oh, come on, I don’t even know them.
-Most likely you will.
-Even if I have the pleasure of meeting then, I promise not to tell anyone.
-Hiccup, I trust you, I’m not worried that you’ll tell them, I’m worried that you’ll know.
-All right, I won't insist further.
Until then she had not wanted to tell anyone, but Hiccup had entrusted her with a vulnerable part of his life. It wasn’t that she owed him anything, but she wanted things to be reciprocal, so she took a deep breath and let go:
-Macguffin, I would have chosen Macguffin.
Hiccup seemed surprised, but ventured to ask more.
-What is Macguffin like?
-Well, today I know he’s kind, altruistic, sensitive and a great friend, but at the time I would have chosen him more than anything because the other two guys didn’t show their best side, Macintosh had a terrifying outburst of anger when his shot wasn’t perfect, And Dingwall just looked distracted and you could tell miles away that he was only there to do a duty to his clan, at least Macguffin seemed interested in me and not in my title. Although if we’re strict, I should have been Lady Dingwall, he was the one who hit his the bullseye, even if it was mere coincidence.
-Merida Macguffin... It doesn’t sound so bad. They match.
The girl hid her face between her red curls, and spoke to Hiccup in a very faint voice.
-For Gods’ sake, Haddock.
The boy laughed.
-Come on, Merida, I’m just messing with you.
-I know...
-Why don’t you finish your story instead? I suppose you managed to break the spell.
The girl looked up at Hiccup, nodded and came out of her hiding.
-Fortunately, although it was not easy, the will-o'-the-wisp led me once again to the stones, they were about to kill my mother, I had to fight with my father, and if it was not enough trouble, Mor'du decided to go out to greet. My mother and the devil bear had a gruesome fight, but Mom got one of the stones to fall on him. When Mor'du stopped breathing, his soul came out of his body and gave us a little bow, before turning into a whisp himself; it seems he just needed someone to free him from the bear skin he got himself into. When it was all over, the sun began to shine, I hurried and covered my mother with the tapestry, begging the gods and fate not to be too late. And for a moment it was it, I saw my mother lose the white in her eyes and become just a creature of the forest, and I felt the weight of the world on me. I thought I had lost her forever, and it was my fault. There are still days when I have nightmares where I really lose her like that, where i loose her because I was selfish and stubborn.- He saw something in Merida, something he thougt impossible: fear, regret.
-That day, life gave me another chance, and my mother returned to her human form, just like my brothers. After all the fuss, my mother and I really changed, I took her lessons more seriously, and she was more patient with me. Now we both hear each other, and we understand each other, we’re closer than ever.- Merida was watching something beyond the sea in front o of them, her eyes full of love and pain at the same time. She was far from home.
-Despite everything, I wanted to learn more about magic, how to use it, stop it, and mold it as much as possible. So without telling my parents, I went to take lessons with the same witch who gave me the spell that time, I mean, she just gave me what I asked for, and I know some problems would have been avoided if she had explained in detail what was going to happen and how to undo the spell, but she’s the only one who knew magic in the whole kingdom, and being something so alive and so present in our lives, it seemed wrong not to know anything about it, even if in doing so, I hurt the relationship with my family... My parents didn’t want me to go near magic again, but being in DunBroch that’s impossible.
-I think I understand you, the dragons were also as present in our life as the sheep and we never stopped to think why they attacked us. We just took the war for granted.
-You know? The relic I’m trying to save on this mission belongs to one of the clans, blesses them with good harvests every day of the year, and we all rely heavily on those harvests during the winter, if I didn't have asked the witch for help, right now we wouldn’t know what to do, chaos would ensue and everyone in the kingdom would be dead by next spring. I honestly think we all make a great team, I’m sure we’re gonna make it. I know that even after we recover the magic of the relic, we have a lot ahead of us. You don’t know how grateful I am to everyone for helping us with this and trusting me.
Merida tried to hide a yawn, and failed. Hiccup sneered.
-Don’t you think I should have been the one bored by your story? Or doesn’t Her Majesty usually sleep late?
-My story was not boring, Haddock. And, just so you know, I sleep a lot, sometimes in the castle, it is necessary for my mother to take the triplets to bother me to get me out of bed. And between my unexpected insomnia, Toothless and this delicious blanket, I’m more comfortable than you’d expect to be out in the open at midnight.
Hiccup realized that he was also starting to feel heavy on his eyelids. Finally, he was resting.
-Sorry I woke you up and worried you, but i'm thankful that you did.
-Hey, we’re more than a team, okay? We’re friends. The day you need me and I’m not there for you is the day my heart stops beating, I promise.
He took a moment to see the stars shining on him, and then to Merida and the kind smile she had over him. There was something comfortable in her, and not just that, she was amazing in all kinds of aspects; he found himself mentally listing all of them.
-Well...- She looked nervious and her cheeks were light pink, maybe he stared at her a little too long- I think it's time for us to go back before we fall sleep here, don't you think?
-Yeah, sure, you're right.- He got up in a jump. -Let's go.- He extended his hand to help her get up, she took it.
-I'll take the blanket!- She said in a playful tone, and hurried to cover herself with the thick fabric.
-How considerate of you...- He looked at her like she was dressed in jewels and silk. Fortunately, Merida was already walking back and didn't noticed.
That morning Hiccup thought that he would have a broken heart for the rest of the trip at least, but as he saw her leave, he realized that he wasn't so sure anymore.
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beardedmrbean · 4 months ago
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I saw what you reblogged about “The Boy with Striped Pajamas.”
I haven’t read the book, but I have seen the movie. I’ll admit I didn’t like it, because I thought it was depressing as hell. However, hermthejewishwyrm and the articles he linked are very much missing the point… or worse, are getting the point and portraying it as a bad thing.
The whole point is that the people who lived in Nazi Germany were people too, and were hardly an “Always Chaotic Evil” monolith. The fact some apparently find that offensive, to me, represents a massive problem with today’s society: that plenty of people think violence against every single one of an “evil” group’s members is 100% justified, and that you are some kind of sympathizer if you don’t see it the same way… ironically not so different from the Nazis they claim to hate.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I recommend watching it for yourself. It’ll honestly give you a better perspective than anyone unironically accusing it of being Nazi Propaganda would.
I also can’t help but notice that when hermthejewishwyrm complained about people being sad about the German protagonist getting gassed, he accused them of not caring at all about the millions of Jewish deaths… completely glossing over the fact the Jewish Deuteragonist (who is the TITULAR CHARACTER!) ALSO gassed and his death was portrayed just as tragically. (He also calls it a “white savior” movie… even though the protagonist’s attempt to help the Jewish boy ends up accomplishing absolutely nothing… save himself ending up in a gas chamber alongside the Jews.)
You might take this to the person that actually wrote the post instead of me who just rebloged it,
My main takeaway was that the guardian wasn't being terrible and Antisemitic, which is weird because that's one of those things they do a lot.
I saw the film years back, thankfully I know better than to take historical fiction as anything more than fiction, I will however reblog takes that people have that might start other people thinking, like you're doing here.
Probably be better served going to someone who actually made a comment of significance than I did tho.
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letstalkwhump · 2 years ago
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Let's Talk Whump
Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community! I’m Malice and I’ll be your host today. 
Here today to talk all things whumpy is the fabulous @not-a-space-alien!
Thank you for joining us today! Do you mind sharing a fact or two about yourself to start us off?
I love pet rats.  I don’t know if I can have them anymore, though, because it’s really hard when they start getting sick and they get old so fast.
Rats make the most adorable pets! And how would you describe what whump means to you? 
To me whump is about lingering on the effects of trauma and pain that mainstream media usually minimizes or ignores because it’s “too messy” or apparently not interesting I guess?  Humans are messy and I want to revel in that sometimes.  It feels wrong to ignore it.  Sometimes I feel messy and in pain and overwhelmed and I want to read about people who also feel that way.  I also like the hurt/comfort aspect because…..well, my fantasy is that someone will comfort me when I’m hurting and that someone will rescue me when I’m in pain (or on the flip side that I can save someone who’s in pain)
How did you find the whump community? What made you want to join? 
I’ve written these sorts of things for a while even before engaging with anything on tumblr that was primarily made as whump.  I started posting my writing on tumblr and engaging in online circles originally in the Good Omens fandom, years before the TV show came out, and gradually my writing on that front started getting darker and darker as I realized there are other people who like reading that sort of thing and it wasn’t just me.  I think it did make people a little uncomfortable sometimes and they weren’t really sure how to handle it, so that’s why these days I try extra hard to make sure it’s clear what’s in the writing and how it should be viewed and handled.
If I remember correctly I found myself in this corner after a period of years where I didn’t write anything at all, then while watching some random movies I re-watched Night at the Museum and of course looked at tumblr posts about it, which led to me starting to browse g/t more often (thanks Jedtavius), and after being into g/t stuff for a while I stumbled across some people who wrote g/t whump, and from there I found some “regular” whump.  The first person I remember actually talking to was @oddsconvert, who told me to read Kane and Jim, and I have been mildly obsessed with Milly’s writing since then, which gave me a framework to pull together pieces of ideas I’d always had to write MMSS, which is really my only current contribution to “whump tumblr.” (I’d always had an idea about a scientist vampire getting caught while trying to make artificial blood, I combined this with Valen, a DnD character I’d previously played as a drow, because I knew the setting in Milly’s story would be the perfect thing to tie it all together.)
Do you think your view on whump changed since you discovered the whump community?
I’m not sure if I would really consider myself part of the “whump community” because so much of what’s out there doesn’t appeal to me.  At first I gave everything a try but as time went on I started getting more and more picky.  I’ve grown to really dislike “pet whump”/BBU as well as nameless snippets/prompts that use cardboard cutout characters or flatten characters into two-dimensional archetypes like “Caretaker” or “Whumper.”  This sounds really negative but it’s entirely a matter of personal taste and I wish people who write that stuff the best. I wish I could enjoy it because there’s so many talented people out there writing it but it just does nothing for me.
No, that’s entirely valid. There’s a lot of tropes out there and certain ones like BBU can feel inescapable sometimes!  It really can be hard to find ones that tick all of your boxes. Do you have any particular favourites?
I love when a character is scared for their life, not knowing that in reality they’re completely safe/being helped.  
Shocked when receiving mercy and gentleness when none is expected or deserved.
Character unused to receiving love being loved.
Monster characters hiding their monster nature, being exposed, but being loved anyway despite being treated badly for it in the past.
The power of FriendshipTM
Love being a powerful force that can pull people through the worst ordeals
Complicated relationships between vulnerable characters 
Fearplay 
Excellent trope choices! Unexpected mercy or kindness is so good! Would you like to share a favourite piece that you’ve written? 
Honestly this isn’t even whump but I think my favorite thing I’ve ever written is still Falling Hazard.  I put SO much work into that story.  It had so many moving pieces and I wanted to make sure it was all polished and got the attention it deserved so it went through 3 or 4 drafts, I had the whole thing written before I even started posting it.  It was the culmination of an OC-heavy, plot-intense Good Omens second-apocalypse fic that turned into more of a thriller than anything.  
https://not-a-space-alien.tumblr.com/post/657822746613514240/your-own-side-masterpost  
Haven’t really been interested in Good Omens fandom stuff for a hot minute but I’m honestly still really proud of it.  I don’t think it’s really possible to try the “sand the barcode off and sell as an original fiction” thing because it’s so interwoven with the themes of the novel but I think even people with only a passing knowledge of good omens could enjoy it.  (the first few entries in this series are kind of whumpy but the later ones are less like that)
Good Omens?! I’m going to binge this so much, I swear! What does your writing routine look like?
I only write when inspiration strikes, I generally don’t do my best work if I’m forcing myself to write.  I do my best work when I’m seized by some mad ideas and feel like I’ll explode if I don’t write RIGHT NOW.  I think the worst case I ever had it was this one time I wrote an entire ficlet on my phone at work.  RIP my thumbs. 
Ah yes. And the urge to write always comes at the most inconvenient time, doesn’t it? Do you find that somethings are easier to write than others?
I struggle to write in any universe where I can’t keep a firm hold on the worldbuilding in my head.  My brain will take implications of things we see and run off with it and it’s like I run up against a wall if I can’t take everything to its logical conclusion.  So I tend to write easiest in settings where the worldbuilding is simple, or based on a few things that are flexible.  I tend to get really picky and a bit ridiculous about taking things too seriously when it comes to worldbuilding.
Is there anything you're working on at the moment? 
My two big current writing projects are Watch Your Step and MMSS and I can’t really see that changing anytime soon.  I do have a google doc with some ideas for shorter pieces and snippets that I might write when inspiration strikes. 
Do you have a joke or pun you would like to share to spread some smiles today?
I'm bad at this.  Please can people comment with a joke or pun.  I’m the one who needs smiles.  I'm so tired.
A joke for you then: What's a fanfic writer's weapon of choice? His headcanon! 
Do you have any writing advice you’d like to share?
Pay attention to people in real life. Listen to the way they talk and act, the lies they tell themselves, the way they juggle things, the way they behave when they care vs when they don't care. Listen to what they say with their words and without. Dissect why strangers, acquaintances, friends, lovers interact the way they do. Notice patterns. Appreciate the complexity of human existence. Pay attention to context and background and how circumstances affect behavior. Understand that there is no true "you" at the core of every human, just a million fragments of personality seen by a million different people. Once you understand all this, you can mix and match to build a person in your head. Every character feels real when they get pieces of you, or pieces of people you know.  That’s my philosophy anyway!
I’m writing that advice down, that’s really good. Are there any blogs you’d like to mention?
@whumpsday and @oddsconvert  <3  I also love @demondamage’s stuff even though I havent been following for too long :)
Anything you'd like to add? 
Stay frosty coolios 
It was a pleasure to have you here today, @not-a-space-alien! 
And to all you fab folks at home, have a whump-derful day!
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paulmescalsnose · 11 months ago
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thank you for tagging me, @onehelluvamarine 🩵
A band you don’t like that many others do: I cannot think of any bands right now but there are so many solo artists like the entirety of the current Top 20 Billboard Hot 100, I do not keep up with new music in any way.
A childhood memory that you remember vividly: riding a scooter down the front steps at my grandmother’s house for some reason.
Least favorite animal and why: gonna say it and be honest and take the hate, dogs. I think there are some nice individual dogs but overall I find them loud, annoying, messy, too needy, too disruptive. I refuse to ever live with one. I do have a phobia of another animal I won’t say because I don’t want people to send me pictures of it lol so I probably hate them more but I encounter dogs more so they’re on my nerves more often.
Hot fandom take: Aragorn is not THAT hot. there were hotter guys in those movies.
Do you wear any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece: I don’t. I wish I did! I have a nice ring and a nice necklace but I don’t really wear them. I wish I had a like, a signature piece or something.
A movie others liked but you didn’t: recently, which I know I’ve mentioned, Past Lives is so well-reviewed and god I just really hated it, I’m sorry but I did.
Three things you love about yourself: I was once bold enough to sing Let No Man Steal Your Thyme a cappella in front of a group of strangers at a hostel. I once took an 18-hour bus ride just to see a movie (and then another 18-hours back). I’ve read all the Hercule Poirot books.
A place you hope to visit in the future and why: Wales. I think it just looks lovely. I was supposed to do a semester abroad there once but couldn’t swing it financially. I’ve been to England, Scotland, and Northern Ireland so I’ve got to go to Wales. I wrote a story that is set so much there! I need to see it for myself.
An actor that gets on your nerves and why: RDJ because he made terrible comments about Alejandro González Iñárritu, he defends the worst Chris, and he’s going to win an undeserved Oscar this year.
Things you’re excited for in the nearby future? I’m almost done the first draft of a novel/story I’m working on, so I am excited so have a first draft and then I’m excited to start the second draft.
Least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in: I never shipped Ted/Rebecca from Ted Lasso, never once even for a second.
What’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in? I never wrote in it, just read and observed, but The Old Guard by far by faaaaaaaaar.
List three things you find beautiful about life: my nephew’s wavy red hair, when a cat comes over to you for pets, and watching someone hit a home run.
Any dreams for the future? I’d like to see my favourite football club, Man City, play live someday. I doubt I’ll get to Manchester maybe ever, but they’ll be playing in the US soon-ish so it will probably be a lot easier to see them there.
How are you really feeling today? I genuinely struggle with life every day. I wish it was in a cool way that made me stronger on the other side but it’s not. today was okay because I got to talk to a coworker I like (I WFH so I don’t talk to people a lot) and I went to the cinema that has the best popcorn in the world but I also am never actually happy and am always lonely which is a tiring existence.
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