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rays-of-fire-and-ice · 1 month ago

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In Your Eyes, in the Ice and Rain

Two Weeks of Hitsuhina - Day 3: Wings / On a Starry night

Rating: T/Teen for violence and mild descriptions of injuries.

Setting: before BLEACH’s main story; Hitsugaya is still a third seat and Hinamori the lieutenant of Fifth Division.

Synopsis: During a battle against a pack of Hollows, Hitsugaya's duties as a Shinigami and sense of self is tested when Hinamori gets hurt.

AN: I'm late for the start of the week, but better late than never!

This was such a random idea. I considered not writing it, but then I got started and it took over. If I had to describe this fic in two words, it’d be ‘high emotions’, so prepare for angst, some hurt/comfort towards the end, and probably some out-of-characterness.

It was partly inspired by the song Farewell, My Friend by There’s a Light (YT | Spotify), but more by two images I got while thinking on this theme: one of Hinamori pleading to Hitsugaya (while he has his bankai activated) to save everyone and he was shocked by this, and the other of Hitsugaya coming to Hinamori’s side when she’s injured, hunched over and holding her hand.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this one.

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Hinamori is sent hurtling through the air, and Hitsugaya's forget how to breathe. She arcs over the battle, high above everyone’s heads, out of sight and focus of her subordinates and his fellow tenth Division Shinigami.

He doesn’t come out of his shock until her back smacks off a tree trunk and she tumbles through the branches to the ground. He shouts her name, louder than the Hollows' cries around him.

He flash-steps and catches her before she can hit the ground. She lets out a pained cry at the same time one of the Huge Hollow he’d been fighting roars because its prey vanished out of sight. He almost loses his grip on Hyourinmaru, and hefts Hinamori higher up so her head can rest on his shoulder. But she whirls around, looking without seeing, and thrashes against him.

“Hinamori, stop! You're hurt!” he yells, unintentionally making his grip tighter on her. She barely calms her frantic movements, hasn’t even registered that he’s the one holding her.

He glances at Tobiume lying on the ground. He doesn’t have time to pick up the zanpakuto, but kicks it off to the side, into the cover of bushes. He hurriedly retreats away from the battle, going deeper into the forest. The trees do little to shelter them from the rain, with drops showering over him as he runs, and he folds his wings in tightly so they don’t thrash against the low hanging branches or shrubbery in his way.

He ignores the pain lancing up his leg from the wound he’d gotten just minutes ago. The reason she’d come running to him during the battle, seeing him slashed by ones of the Huge Hollows that’d converged on him. After the wound was inflicted, he’d pretended to be at the creatures’ mercy to lure them into a false sense of security. They would lunge for him while he used a bankai technique to freeze them all in place at once. He’d only practice the ability once, but things were getting desperate in the fight and he needed to take more then one down at a time.

But then she’d come charging in, letting out a furious cry as she launched a fireball at one of the Hollow’s backs, setting it alight before leaping up behind it and landing at the nape of its bent neck and bringing Tobiume to cleave the mask in two from behind. Dislodging her blade, she’d kicked off from its head and landed in front of Hitsugaya while it disintegrated to nothing.

She’d launched another fireball at one, sending the Hollow falling back and being attacked by other Shinigami form behind. She’d briefly glanced over her shoulder at him, her gaze wavering between fury and concern within seconds, before returning her attention to Huge Hollows before them. He couldn’t speak, was in awe of her skill but also shocked she had come to his defence. he forgot about his plan, about getting up because the wound didn't truly hinder his ability to stand and fight.

She was halfway through chanting a kido when the Huge Hollow with oversized, clawed hands slashed her left limbs. Before she could even let out a cry, it back handed her, catapulting her away.

Hitsugaya comes out of his recollection when he nearly slips and falls on a slick of mud in the grass. Blinking rain from his eyes, he can’t see but can still hear the battle. It’ll do.

Hinamori, having realised who was carrying her, had stilled her thrashing. “H-Hitsu –” She gasps as he lowers her to the ground, propping her back up against a tree trunk. She groans while clutching her side with her good arm. “Where…?”

“Don’t talk,” he instructs, but his voice is shaky.

Seeing her like this is like the first time he saw her cry; it felt wrong, like something someone like her shouldn't do. Blood runs down her scratched legs and arm, falling either to the ground or being absorbed by the shreds of her uniform. Her hair has been slowly loosening from its usual bun, with the hair cloth missing and the ribbon torn. He supects, judging from the lack of blood not seeping from between her fingers, her side is likely bruised but not torn. Her back is likely the same. There are several tiny cuts across her face and arms, likely from the branches she fell into. Bruising has formed on the side of her neck and her breathing is staggered and wheezing. What if she has a broken rib?

He shakes his head against the nausea and rising panic. “I’ll get started on treatment.”

The rain comes down faster and thicker. Hinamori winces as it pelts over her injuries. Without a second thought, Hitsugaya brings a wing over her head. At the shadow cast over her and the lack of rain hitting her, she blinks and looks up. Her reflection is warped in the ice, it’d be comical if it weren’t for how dire situation was.

“T-Thanks,” she stammers.

He stabs Hyourinmaru into the ground and breaks the ice away from his hands, the blunt talons falling to the earth and melting to slush in the rain. Then he kneels, keeping the wing above her. Fearing she has a concussion, he instructions, “Stay still, okay? Don’t move your head anymore. I’m going to take a look at your injuries.” She lets out a hum, and he takes it as her understanding.

She whimpers when he peels back the remains of her sleeve and hakama leg until the wounds are completely visible. The blood drains from his face and the world briefly spins at the sight of her leg injury; that’ll need Fourth Division’s work. There is only so much he can do for such a wound, but her kido surpasses his. He cringes at the idea of her having to treat her own injury while in this state, but they don’t have any other options.

He gingerly wraps his fingers around the wrist of her bad arm. “I can heal this one. Once I seal it over, you heal the one on your leg and I’ll work on your side and back.”

“It really hurts.” She starts to look down. “Is it that bad?”

“Don’t look yet,” he instructs softly, laying a light touch on her shoulder. “It’s…just don’t look until you need to.”

He expects her to make a sound while moving her arm, but she doesn’t. He doesn't think about, just chants for the healing kido. He gets no relief even when the teal glow emanates from his palms over the scratches. She winces through gritted, but it’s only when he looks up to reassure her that he realises she’d returned to looking at Hyourinmaru’s wing.

“This is your bankai…” She’s breathless still and there’s a slight slur in her speech, but her dazed gaze has turned into something akin to awe despite the pain.

“Yes,” he says, even though she hadn’t posed it as a question.

“I never seen it in battle before,” she breathes. “It’s incredible.”

The small cuts on her arm heal beneath the kido and the larger wound scabs over; with any luck, it’s healing internally too.

Hitsugaya sighs. How can he get her to focus on herself? “Forget about the battle. I’ll help with healing your leg before working your side.”

“I saw you out there,” she continues, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Before that Hollow attacked you, you were turning the tide for us.”

His heart aches. If she’d only known that he’d had a plan, that she was never meant to get involved. No, that’s not it. He shouldn’t have been so reckless. He should've just cut the Hollows down one at a time. He shouldn't have gotten carried away with watching her protect him when she didn't need to.

“Hitsugaya-kun?”

His breath hitches. The kido beneath his trembling palms flickers. With a frustrated grunt, he resumes focusing on the healing her. “I’m almost done.”

“You’re doing great.” Her pained smile says otherwise. Even in times like this, she’s reassuring him, making sure he is okay.

From the distance, a harrowing scream rings out through the air. With it, it brings back the clashing of swords against bone, cries echoing around the battlefield, and howls and animalistic sounds of the Huge Hollows. It’s as if he’d muted the battle until now. Hinamori’s brow furrows, and her gaze sharpens. “No…”

It’s several heartbeats later when Hitsugaya deactivates the kido. It’s not enough, it'll have to do; he should be able to do more. “Come on, let’s heal your leg. You ready?”

He shifts to get closer, wincing as he moves his own injured leg. And the moment he let the sound escape his lips, he curses under his breath.

Her frown deepens.

“Hinamori --”

“Where are you hurt?” she asks, her gaze searching him head to toe.

“It’s nothing, forget about it.”

Her eyes land on his leg and she lets out an alarmed grunt. Hitsugaya can’t help but look too. His sock is bloodied, and the gash he’d received from the Hollow peaks out at the top.

She straightens, peeling her back from the trunk, and moves her uninjured arm towards his ankle. “You should’ve said something!”

“Stop it!”

Her finger sturggles to pull down his sock.

“Hinamori, it’s not serious,” he tries to reassure, but his voice comes out strained. “Your injury is. I’m not the one bleeding out here.”

She shakes her head, and much to his horror, she raises her injured arm with a groan and brings it to his ankle, and it helps to bring his sock down. He thinks to jerk his ankle away, but he fears the sudden movement would startle her and reopen her arm wound.

Hands hover over the wound and she begins to chant.

He grabs her uninjured arm. “Hinamori, stop it, now.”

She ignores him, completing the chant and activating the kido. A fresh wave of pain shoots up his leg, and at his grimace, her frown softens away. “Sorry.”

He can’t work on healing her leg while she’s doing this, not without causing her pain. He lets out a shaky breath. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you’re hurt.” She says it as if that answered everything.

As soon as the kido spreads out across the gash, his flesh knits over itself rapidly, and the pain is soothed away to a dull ache.

It harshly shakes his head. “You need to focus on yourself, idiot. Use your kido on yourself.”

“I can’t.” The tremor in her voice renders him speechless. “Not while they’re all still out there and you’re in danger, I can’t.”

His heart thuds so hard he hears it in his ears. Battlefield are always chaotic, but even being away from it, he’s lost control of this. “What are you saying?”

She doesn’t speak, only stares at him. It’s one of the rare times he can’t read her expression. “Come on, what?”

She presses her lips tightly for a moment before she speaks. “I don’t want you to fight, but…if you don’t, you’re all in danger.” She lowers her gaze with a whimper. “Why did it have to be like this?”

Still cryptic. He can only conclude she’s concussed, not knowing what she’s saying or doing.

Not even three minutes later, she deactivates the kido and pulls his sock back up. He can’t see how it looks, but there’s still a faint ache. She’s not at the level of Fourth Division, but he can run on his leg without much issue.

“Okay, fine, you’ve healed me. Now come on, your leg!” He’s quick to position his hands over the injury, the beginnings of the kido chant on his tongue.

“You need to go back there.”

That halts him. “What?”

“They need you at the battle.”

Beneath the wet hair plastered to her face, the dirt smudging her face and the bruising forming on her jaw, there’s a grim determination.

“Don’t be a fool,” he mutters.

She winces, but not from the pain of her injuries. “You have to go back and fight, Shiro-chan.”

Hearing the nickname triggers a rush of anger in him. “No!" he snaps. "If we don’t heal these now before Fourth Division get here, the damage might be irreparable. I’m not leaving you!”

“Forget about me, go and help them,” she rasps, bordering on begging. “The fight out there is getting worse, but your bankai can help change the outcome. I don’t want you to go out there and get hurt again but…you have the power to end this. Please, you have to go back there! I’ll be okay.”

“Hinamori, stop this --”

He’s cut off when she suddenly grabs his shoulder and pulls him forward. Too stunned, he barely remembers to keep the wing over her let alone throw out a hand to prop him away from the tree she rests against.

“Remember your duties as a Shinigami," she whispers. "We serve and protect the Seireitei and the Soul Society. We protect our fellow officers in battle, our friends."

The reminder should’ve been like a bucket of cold water dunked over him, but all he can focus on is the blood in the corner of his eye.

He grits his teeth against the tremulous feeling rushing through him. “You weren’t supposed to get involved. Why did you jump in? I had a plan.”

She blinks. “What?”

“Back there, I was…” He can't get the words out. Pathetic.

She takes his free hand in hers. They’re so close that all he sees is her wide, glassy eyes. “Go. They need you…please. Please, Shiro-chan, please.”

His heart stammers. She’s begging him for something. She should never have to do that, not with him. Not for the safety of others.

The sounds of battle reach his ears again. He’s selfish, because in the end, it’s her he wants to protect, and her who he has failed. But she’s counting on him, believing in him as she always has, to protect everyone.

He hardens his expression and withdraws his hand from hers. Standing, he reaches across and dislodges his zanpkauto from the ground. The ice he’d broken off before quickly regrows, engulfing his hands and ending with sharper talons.

It gives him an idea. Warning Hyourinmaru before he raises his weapon, he raises his right arm and hits the area above the wing’s joint with pommel. The ice cracks. Hinamori lets out a startled grunt, but he continues to strike at the ice until the wing breaks off.

"W-What're you...?" She watches him in bewilderment while he manoeuvres the broken off ice to cover her from the rain. A new wing rapidly grows, collecting the falling rain and melding it into the ice to freeze.

He steps back several paces, not looking away from her. He wants to say something, but finds he has no words. He’s simultaneously emboldened and uncertain.

She offers a grateful, strained smile.

Before his resolve can break, he snaps Hyourinmaru’s wings and shoots into the sky. Tree branches rattle and leaves fall in his wake when eh breaks from the treeline into the sky.

High in the air, he twists around in the direction of the battle and with another powerful flap he shoots himself higher into the sky, gliding high above the forest that encompasses the area. From up here, he can tell which direction the Hollows had originally come by the destruction they left in their way. It’s as though a line of the forest had been gauge out, with trees snapped in two or completely uprooted and the earth upturned.

Only a minute later he’s overhead of the battling Hollows and Shinigami. He can’t distinguish which Shinigami belongs to Tenth or Fifth, doesn’t even recognise which one is Rangiku. From this height, they seem so small.

The Hollows, however, have more distinguishin features. He spots the Huge Hollow that had thrown Hinamori away. His grip on Hyourinmaru tightens and his blood simmers in his veins. For all of his conviction in fulfilling her wish, he still puts his own will above it.

I’ll protect her.

He comes overhead of the creature. The rest of battle fades out.

He stops flapping his wings, sharply falling through the sky. Rain and wind whip against him, and it only fuels the growing anger. While in this state, the weather is under his control. With a mere twist of Hyourinmaru, the rain gets thicker and the clouds gather, darkening the area. His reiatsu flashes across his skin in white-blue currents. Against powerful gusts of wind and the forces sending plummeting to the ground, he raises Hyourinmaru. As the features of everyone becomes clearer – the Hollows’ masks, the Shinigami either engaged in battles or the few who, wide-eyed and mouths agape, notice his rapid descent – he lets out a cry. Combined with the howl of the wind, it sounds like a roar.

Most of the Hollows have stopped to look at him. Did they think he was one of them? Has he become monstrous in his fury? It didn’t matter.

He flares Hyourinmaru’s wings out when he’s only several meters from the Huge Hollow who’s struck Hinamori. The creature, realising what’s about to happen, roars and raises it’s oversized hands at the last minute. It’s too late. Hitsugaya stabs Hyourinmaru through the mask, and from it, ice bursts out and rapidly covers it’s grey-purple skin. A cold wave comes from the attack, washing over everyone in the area and shuddering and bending the trees.

The Hollow’s mouth is unhinged wide, stuck in shock. Before it begins to disintegrate, he withdraws Hyourinmaru and kicks off from the creature’s head, landing in the mud.

Hitsugaya’s shoulders heave with each heavy breath, which fogs in the cooling air. He glares at the next Hollow, frozen in place by what it saw. And it wasn’t the only one. Most of them are staring at him, and even some Shinigami are. Eyes wide, lips trembling from either the sudden cold that’d descended over them or from something like shock or confusion.

The Hollows that saw his attack fall into a frenzy, bellowing or snarling, before converging on him all at once. He’s too angry to be afraid, and raises Hyourinmaru against the closest one. He unleashes a flurry of ice, striking the Hollow and sending it crashing back into another.

“Ryusenka!”

Ice erupts from Hyourinmaru and strikes the two Hollows, encasing them before they can cry out. Hitsugaya lunges forward and smashes the ice, breaking to two apart into pieces that disintegrate.

From behind, a hunched over Huge Hollow charges, tusks aiming to gorge him. He swings his zanpakuto around, ready to duck under and cut into it’s underbelly.

There’s a flash of movement to his right, and he almost swings his sword at the figure who’s appear at his side. Rangiku – hair wet and bedraggled, mud smeared on her face and arms, and a thin cut above her brow smudges with dried blood – makes Haineko form a neko rinbu around them. The Huge Hollow, cut from the tiny pieces of blade, stumbles back with a yelp before it and the other Hollows disappear from view.

“What was that?!” she yells over the whirl of Haineko. “What’s gotten into you?!”

“You need to call the Captains and Fourth Division, now!”

“Why?”

“Because we’re about to end this fight!”

A hand, protected by bone-like armour, lunges through the ash cloud. Hitsugaya spins and slashes into the knuckle, breaking through the plating and sending a flurry of ice racing up its arm. The hand vanishes through the ash. At the screams of both Hollows and Shinigami happening beyond, Rangiku winces and dissipates the cloud.

“You’ve got some explaining to do later!” she yells, before leaping to cut the clawed hand hauling up a badly injured Shinigami.

After that, the battle is a blur. He is not like those in Eleventh Division, prompt to losing themselves in bloodlust, but his strikes are fierce and quick, and regardless of the combat between a Hollow and Shinigami, he intervenes, cutting through mask after mask after mask.

His blood boils, and he feels his face contort into an unrecognisable, furious shape. It doesn’t come entirely from the hatred for the creature he’d slain before. No, he’s angry at himself. At his failure to heal Hinamori, to prevent harm coming to her. He’s angry that their lives are like, filled with danger he can’t always protect her from.

After he cuts down a spider-like Hollow, Hitsugaya spins around, ready for the next, only to see there are none. The Shinigami, whether they’re standing or trying to prop themselves up from the mud, struggle to catch their breaths and look around. The forest had been full of Huge Hollows breaking through the trees, their stampede shaking the ground and their animalistic cries tearing through the air above the rain. Now, everything is still and silent save for the torrential rain.

As if most come to some realization at the same time, many turn to look at him. Fraught emotions tumbling within him still under the scrutiny of his fellow Tenth Division members and those in Fifth. Some look at him in confusion – likely not knowing he had achieved bankai – a few in concern, and the rest in either awe or wariness.

He’s breathing too hard, his limbs shake so fiercely from the adrenaline and harsh beating of his heart. The rain cools his skin. It’s the latter that makes him straighten, and with a silent command to Hyourinmaru, the rain lessens, returning to how it is meant to be.

Above his head, he only has one ice petal left. He withholds a cringe. In such short time he'd overexerted his powers. After a long, quiet breath out, he deactivates his bankai and sheathes Hyourinmaru across his back. It sends out a cold pulse, ruffling the uniforms and hair of those standing near him and disturbing the rainfall for a second.

“I’ve called for Fourth Division!” Rangiku yells from somewhere behind him, making everyone turn their attention to her. He stares at the ground as she continues, “They’ll be here soon, along with Captain Ishiin and Captain Aizen! For anyone without injury, we need to get the injured into the shade and start healing them, now!”

Hinamori.

He snaps out of his stupor and runs between rushing Shinigami.

As soon as he sees her, he shouts, “Matsumoto!”

She looks over her shoulder, then fully turns once he’s close. “Don’t think I didn’t see your ankle before, you need to –”

“Hinamori isn’t here!” He points in the direction he’d come flying from. “She’s badly wounded, she needs help, now!

Rangiku’s eyes widened. “No wonder I couldn’t find her,” she mutters to herself. Then, while running with him in Hinamori’s direction, she asks, “What kind of injuries?”

“Her arm and leg. She can’t walk, and I’m certain she’s concussed.”

Rangiku swears and wipes the hair from her face. She searches for any Shinigami still standing around. At the sight of one officer from their division and another Hitsugaya didn’t know, she calls out to them. “If you haven't got anyone to help, come with me right now!”

They sprint over and fall into line behind them. Hitsugaya casts out his sense. Hinamori's reiatsu flickers from her injuries.

"You sense her too?" he asks Rangiku.

"Yeah, she's not far from here."

“We’ll also need to retrieve her zanpakuto. Tobiume is under the bushes in that same direction, just look for her hilt.”

Rangiku nods. “We'll take care of it.

“What? No, I – ”

“Your ankle will get worse. Stay here, Fourth will arrive shortly.”

“I --”

“That’s an order!”

He’s stunned by her authoritative air. He knows she’s capable of it, but she rarely uses it on him. That isn’t what causes him to slow his run and then come to a stop. It’s the way her eyes soften with knowingness.

He stands at the edge of the tree line, watching Rangiku and the other two Shinigami until they’re out of sight and the flora they’d disturbed stops swaying. After taking down as many Hollows as he did, ending the battle quicker in the Seireitei’s favor, he can't if it's exhaustion or the sense of helplessness that makes him sag against a tree .

At some point he raises his hand and simply watches the rain collect then pool in the center of his palm. He stares at his reflection, colorless and broke apart by raindrops. In an instant he's nothing more than swirling, wavy lines, but they bounce back form him, only a drop to hit and ripple. At times he is nothing but warped lines, and in an instant, he's reformed only for a drop of water to hit and ripple.

It's several minutes later when three whole squads of Fourth Division medics arrive. Most go to the severely wounded first, then rest approach others with minor injuries.

He stumbles away from the tree and waits. Eventually two medics come to him. He only speaks when he needs to, answer their question before they begin treatment. His ankle is as good as new five minutes later. At the comment from one of the Fourth Division Shinigami about how the healing on it was good before they tended to him, he hurriedly walks away without thanking them.

He searches for Hinamori. He hadn't seen Rangiku and the officers come out of the forest, but he can hear the lieutenant's voice echo from somewhere in the area. Around him, uninjured and healed quietly gather and speak to each other, comforting each other or relishing their victory. Those receiving treatment remain in the shades of trees, but some are on stretchers being carried away. He pauses at the sight of a medic placing a spare shihakusho over the face and chest of someone on stretcher. He doesn’t recognize the Shinigami, which meant it’s likely someone from Fifth Division. Had the officer passed before or during his return to battle?

He shoves the thought aside and staggers onward. In the chaos, death is inevitable in battle, they all know that. Somehow, it doesn’t stop the pang that comes with losing a fellow Shinigami, even one he didn't know.

It’s not long before he finds Hinamori when he left her. She lies on a stretcher next to what little remains of Hyourinmaru's wing. She's her hooded eyes look between the two Fourth Division members tending to her. Aizen is kneeling at her side and speaking to her with his back turned to Hitsugaya. He feels a modicum of relief that Tobiume is at her side; Rangiku must have found the weapon.

Several meters behind him, there's a few Shinigami who were carried to be under shelter being tended to as well. He feels a few stares at his back, but he ignores them.

He keeps his distance, observing one medic finishing bandages her arm, while the other continues to cast healing kido over her leg. She shouldn’t be there. She should be standing like so many others here, lifting the spirits of those who lost a comrade today or have witnessed a horrific battle like this one was for the first time.

“You did remarkably well.”

Hitsugaya isn’t startled by Aizen, who has left Hinamori’s side and approaches him. If this were any other situation, he might have thought it funny to see him this drenched and his hakama muddied.

“Without you, I'm certain we would’ve had more causalities,” Aizen continues. “I’ll be sure to tell Captain Shiiba what your efforts did today once he gets here. From what my officers have told me, your bankai is something to be admired, Hitsugaya-kun.”

He sniffs and looks past the captain back to Hinamori. “I’m still training.”

“There’s always room for improvement, but this victory today is thanks to your abilities.” Aizen follows his gaze, and after a beat, offers in the way of sympathy, “I know it’s hard seeing Hinamori-kun like this, but you know she’ll pull through. She’s always been strong, nothing ever holds her back or brings her down.”

That softens him, because it’s the first thing the captain has said today that Hitsugaya agrees with. She’s strong enough to be a lieutenant. She was strong enough to remain his friend, to stand by him when the world and he himself tried to tell her otherwise, even when the enormity of his power became obvious to her.

She’s strong enough to ask him to fight for others when she needed the help and protection the most. She had the strength to see all of these Shinigami as important to her. Everyone, except herself.

“From what she told me about what happened," Aizen continues, "if it weren’t for you, I’m certain her injuries would’ve been worse.”

Hitsugaya manages to not double over but he can’t withhold a grimace.

Aizen frowns at his reaction. “I apologise. Did I say something wrong?”

Hitsugaya stiffly shakes his head but refuses to look at the captain.

"If you're sure." Aizen shifts, half turning away. “I’m sure you’ll discuss today with Captain Shiiba. However, my door is open to you and Lieutenant Matsumoto if you need another set of ears.” He bows his head. “I’ll leave you be. Take care.”

Hitsugaya brows furrow when instead of walking past him, the captain approaches the Fourth Division members, speaking with them for a minute, before they bow to him and move on to the next patient behind him. Aizen gives Hitsugaya a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes before he leaves.

It occurs to Hitsugaya once the captain is out of his sight, aside from Shinigami being healed behind him, he and Hinamori are alone. He doesn’t fight the compulsion to go and kneel at her side. She’d been staring ahead until he comes into her peripheral. Most of the blood and dirt has been wiped away, but her skin is too pale. He can’t judge whether the haziness in her eyes is from the concussion, something the medics gave her to ease the pain, or exhaustion. Still, there’s a flicker of recognition as her gaze takes in his face.

Her lips part to say something, but nothing comes out. Her chest heaves with a shuddering breath that's dangerously close to a sob.

Without thinking, he takes her good hand between his two own. “I did it, just like you asked.” He loathes the vulnerability in his words, but he only said them because he wants her to be happy.

She blinks slowly, taking in his words. The corners of her eyes moisten. Again she tries to speak, “I’m…sor…”.

He bites the inside of cheek hard. Why is she trying to apologize?

“You don’t have to talk. You’re going to be okay,” he says, more as reassurance to himself. “Everyone’s okay now, we’re safe.”

His words aren’t true. What of that Shinigami who passed away? He can’t have been the only one.

He bows his head. "It shouldn't have been like this. I thought I was outsmarting them, but I ended up getting you hurt."

She swallows, takes in a long breath. His words don't sink in immediately, but when they do, she weakly shakes her head. "No. I'm sorry I...I shouldn't have --"

"Hinamori--"

"--asked you to..." Twitchingly, the corners of lips rise. “But I...knew you could do it. You're incredible, Shiro-chan. Truly.”

He lets out a strangled grunt before bowing over her, his forehead coming to rest on hers. Her smile widens, and she softly shuts her eyes. He closes his own, to try and calm his racing heart and to shut out any onlookers. He’s certain they’d deem his reaction overwrought, especially considering she isn't dying from her injuries. But they don’t know he’s reason she’s hurt, or that without her, he’d have no bankai.

Why did it have to be like this? This isn’t how their lives were meant to go. But what did he expect? The life of a Shinigami is fraught with danger. They have a duty to protect the Soul Society, to lay their lives on the line if need be for it and each other. Why should that have to apply to her?

Without her, his life would be so different. It had come with bad memories, but more than that, it’s come with ones that gave him hope when there hadn’t been any, and she had done so with only her words and kindness. The world needs her, more than it needs him.

He can’t let this happen again, because what good is having this power if he can't protect her from threats or his own foolishness? His prodigal status is something others revere, something coveted by the Seireitei and rare among Shinigami, to the point of loneliness for those that harness it. He should be able to fight like no other, and yet she's still here, still trying to protect him in battle. She shouldn’t be, not after everything she’s already done for him. Not when he has the strength and power to do the same.

I won’t let you get hurt ever again. He opens his eyes, and hers remain closed as he leans back. I’ll get stronger so that I can always protect you.

It feels like a vow, seared into his very being, one that he can never revoke even if he wanted to. One he will never speak aloud to her or anyone else. It’s for him and him alone to carry.

His hold on her hand tightens. When she squeezes it back, his heart clenches. Slowly, she opens her eyes, and he stares at his reflection in them. It doesn’t ripple and warp like the one in the water. He isn't colorless, shaded by the brown of her irises. It’s him, bloodied and sodden. No longer a child, but not an adult either. A Shinigami, gifted with a power few will ever have across the centuries. A power she helped bring forth without ever knowing, and one that will be wielded to ensure her happiness.

______________________

AN: I never do author's notes at the end of a fic, but for this one I felt I needed to.

I have to admit, I got pretty emotional writing this one, and I think it shows ^^; I don't know why though, because I've written far more angsty fics before this one. Maybe it's because of the song that contributed to it's inspiration, or maybe it was because I was feeling down at the time of writing it (I'm feeling better now though). I don't know...

I still hope you all enjoyed it.

I ended up putting Hitsugaya in difficult scenario. Not only did he feel he needed to choose between Hinamori and the other Shinigami, but that he'd come up with a plan and feels responsible for Hinamori getting hurt even though he couldn't have foresaw her involvement.

I feel like while trying to figure his bankai out, Hitsugaya would experiment with what tactics he uses in battle and how he can control his powers, and he's also figuring out just how much his sense of duty means to him. He's serious about his role as a Shinigami, but when he's faced with someone he cares about getting harmed, that goes out the window in furious fashion; similar to how he is by the time of the main story, but lacking the better control and resolve he has by that point -- for instance, I think a younger, less experienced Hitsugaya would've abandoned his fight with Harribel after Hinamori got injured by Ayon to go help her. And he's still coming to terms with being a Shinigami, and with Hinamori also being one. It's a dangerous path for both of them, and they went into it for different (but some similar in a way) reasons.

While writing for this aspect in particular, I thought there might be a tragic element to their bond and particular traits even before they were put under the strain of Aizen's betrayal. Hitsugaya cares about others, but there's only a select few he feels close to, and if any of them are harmed or killed, it has the potential to make him abandon everything he's built for himself. Hinamori cares about more people, but it also means she has more people to worry about or lose in times of crisis. Their bond is precious for these reasons, but also tenuous because they've nearly lost each other way too many times. That Hinamori could ask Hitsugaya to do anything and that there's likely very little he would not do for her out his care and will to protect her, even if it means harm coming to himself physically, emotionally, or to everything he has built for himself. It comes from a lack of maturity to a great extent, I think, which is why he is quick to anger in the main series when Aizen antagonizes him about Hinamori.

Still, because Hinamori cares as deeply as does for as many people as she does, even when she loses someone or goes through a hard time, there will always be someone there for her and she can be there for them if they need her, whether it's Izuru and Renji being her Academy buddies, Shinji and Rangiku there to help her after Aizen betrayal, or Hitsugaya in this fic being by her side while she's recovering from an injury. For Hitsugaya, having those few people who he deeply cares about and who care about him in return is his motivation to get stronger, to be greater than what or who he thinks he is. He's chosen to let Hinamori in as close as he has, and it comes with it's benefits and drawbacks. And how could he not? She was one of the few who cared for him when only his Granny did. One of the few who has been a constant in his life. She accepted him whole-heartedly, and he in turn didn't see her strong will to see the good in others and willingness to help as weaknesses like some would.

He would do anything for her because he deeply cares, but I think he also sees the goodness she brings those around her and believes the world needs more people like her. He doesn't see that in himself, instead focusing on his powers and ability to protect her and others -- things I think were put at the forefront of his mind by his Academy lecturers and senior Shinigami noting his prodigal status and also by his low self esteem from his struggles in the Junrinan.

But Hinamori does see in him the very same qualities he sees in her as well as his powers and fighting talents. In this fic, she trusts him with fighting for everyone, and in a better state of mind, I don't think she would ask him to do what he did here (or when pleading for him to save Aizen in the main series). Then again, she may have asked him due to the duties of a Shinigami and trusting and believing in Hitsugaya's abilities. But even when everyone is safe, she still felt the need to apologize, even when she knew he could win and believed in him.

In the end, Hitsugaya doesn't care about having these powers for the sake of fighting or status. He cares about the people he cares for, and will use the powers he has to protect them. Even with her admiration for Aizen blinding her to who he is and making her focus on working at his side, Hinamori has a strong sense of duty and care towards those she fights alongside, whether they're strangers or her friends. She believes in Hitsugaya, in his abilities and his goodness as a person. It's why she smiles when they touch foreheads, in relief that he's safe and in knowing he cares. In her eyes, he doesn't need to change, he the stable constant for most of her life. but Hitsugaya didn't see that; he saw what he thought he needed to become.

I hope I was able to convey all of this.

I know as a fan of something there's a tendency to over-read into the smallest things, and in this case maybe that's what I've done, but while writing this fic, I couldn't help but feel and think about all of these aspects. I see the potentials from the bread crumbs we got in the main series and I always want to explore them.

If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my fic and this author's note, I sincerely appreciate it.

#hitsuhina #toshiro hitsugaya #momo hinamori #two weeks of hitsuhina 2024 #bleach #fanfiction #angst #I also had a completely different ending for this fic #I was conflicted right up to the last minute about which ending I should go with #I might post it #I was also conflicted on the title #kept think if it should be 'In Your Eye in the Rain'#or what I went with because I wanted to include the ice too #and yes what Aizen said was deliberate #he knew what he saying there before he left

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