#to woo a shinobi

[avengerphobic]

Idea: Shang-chi/shinobi shaw team up. Shang-chi obv comes into his house and shinobis taking a bath in his tub and shang-chi's like if i had a nickel for everytime i found a beautiful stranger in my bathtub id have two nickels which isn't a lot but its weird that its happen twice. shang-chi would dislike shinobi for obvious reasons (hedonism being evil etc) but he would see himself in shinobi which would make not helping him very difficult

Idea 2: Jimmy Woo/Shinobi Shaw team up. Jimmy probably seeks Shinobi out. they both are sorta expecting the other to betray them. they both are very aware that the other is keeping secrets. they're both super attracted to each other. Jimmy genuinely likes shinobi and feels bad for what he has to do. Shinobi is confused by Jimmy cuz he always seems to believe the best in him (at least outwardly) which makes it difficult for him to want to betray him. they don't end up betraying each other and they have really hot sex

[dark-konohagakure2]

Sakumo Hatake getting rejected from his crush but he doesn't take no for an answer

tw: noncon, stalking, yandere, breeding, age difference, power imbalance, domestication, semi-public sex

All characters depicted are 18+

Sakumo Hatake has had some especially bad luck as of late. His wife had died very recently, leaving him to raise their two year old son alone, his missions have been getting more stressful too, but luckily the White Fang has found a silver lining to all of this; a cute civilian girl that has caught his eye.

She's a cute little thing, much younger than him and his late wife, but still old enough. Sakumo has made a habit out of watching her from afar around the village, for her own safety of course, and he's reached the conclusion that she's perfect for him, she's young, innocent, kind, just the perfect wife and mother for his needs.

Being a revered shinobi among the people of the Hidden Leaf Village, Sakumo feels rather confident in his ability to woo her, so he'll ask her out directly, letting it slip that he's been watching her for quite some time without her knowing. She is very unnerved by the revelation from the man old enough to be her father, so she understandably rejects him, and Sakumo doesn't like that one bit.

He tries to convince her that being with an acclaimed ninja like himself would be good for her, but no dice. Never being one to let things go easily, Sakumo decides that now he has no choice left but to take matters into his own hands.

"Don't move... This will feel good for both of us. Maybe you'll finally stop being shy and realize your feelings for me after I fill you up..."

He'll clamp a gloved hand over her mouth in the alleyway, telling her to be quiet lest someone hear them. He's one of the most respected ninja in the village, so nobody would believe her if she claimed he assaulted her, if anyone saw what was happening, they'd assume she was just being a needy slut for the White Fang.

Sakumo isn't too rough with his delicate little housewife to be, buy he's certainly forceful, bullying his cock inside of her until it's hitting her perfectly fertile womb with every thrust, the sensation making her whine and whimper into his hand as he claims what's rightfully his.

His thrusts will speed up slightly when he imagines knocking her up, making her round with his second child and giving Kakashi a sibling, the mere thought triggers the wolfish primal instinct to breed deep within him, and she is the perfect receptacle for these dark urges of his.

He'll be sure to fill her up thoroughly before he's done with her, gently pulling out of her while informing her of some great news; she's the newest member of his family and clan, whether she likes it or not.

"Atta girl, that wasn't so bad was it? You're just perfect for me, and I know you'll be the perfect mother that my little son needs..."

Sakumo is finally content now, he has a much cuter and much younger wife to replace his dearly departed one, Kakashi has a much needed mother figure, and the Hatake clan is about to gain a new member in just nine short months.

[bestnarutoduo]

Propeganda

Rock Lee

Turned up out of no where to kick butt and woo the girl.

Contrast to silliness makes the moment he drops his weights into even more of a badass moment.

Shows confidence soundly defeating Sasuke

Nice to see an enthusiastic character who doesn’t fight like an idiot or crash around and miss a lot

Madara Uchiha

Shows up to fight an army made up of five shinobi villages.

Practically dances through them while taking them out five at a time.

Man stood a top a hill, looked down at his enemies, and smiled with deserved arrogance because he knew they couldn’t touch him.

[vert-horizon]

Yan!Shikamaru: Almost Free...

AN: This is the crueler Shikamaru mentioned in my last Yan!Shikamaru post, I love him cold and possessive. They have absolutely nasty sex after this fic. Eventually I will write that lmao. Fem!Reader x Yan!Shikamaru Warnings: Implied abuse and manipulation, nothing too bad(?) onscreen.

Yan!Shikamaru takes you around the village and shows your face just enough to avoid suspicion. He tells everyone that you’re shy--you’re not a shinobi, after all. Seeing violence upsets you. (At least that part is true).

People take this excuse at face value. He’d taken you from your village on the outskirts of the Land of Flowers, so it’s not like anyone knew you. He could tell them whatever he wanted. So he spins a lie about how you met, but he’s being honest again when he says he looked at you and knew you would be worth the effort. Not the effort of wooing you which is what most assume he means, but the breaking. Breaking you down is hard work, after all. You’re mouthy, you never compliment him, you never let him act kind without throwing it back in his face.

But it’s worth it when you break. He doesn’t mind a fight. Welcomes it, even. You’re both at the clearing where the forest meets the Shikamaru estate, and he’s got your shadow with little effort. You’d made it off the engawa and thought for a moment that you’d actually done it. He’d come home late, and you’d managed to get the shackle off your ankle, bounded onto the grass and almost made it to the forest when he’d stepped out. Lit cigarette in one hand, deer feed in the other, a tall buck bent over and eating out of his hand. Hi, darling, he’d said, smirking as he eyed you. You’re still in the sheer nightie--the only clothes you wear around the house. 

You’re frozen, breathing heavily, the elation in you crashing down to fear. You say his name, taking a few steps back. He doesn’t move, but his shadow catches yours, and you freeze. He flicks his cigarette and stomps it, your bare foot wringing against the fallen leaves. His hands go to his chest, and following his movements you pop each button open until the nightie slips off. Goosebumps rise on your skin as he mimes folding the garment. You can’t speak, only whimper softly as he makes you walk towards him. You meet in the middle of the clearing, and he takes the nightie. The shadow control drops, and you curl around yourself, crying in earnest. Body shivering from the cold and the fear, memories of his broad palm on your bare ass flashing through your mind. Go, then. He says, lighting another cigarette. He looks you up and down, eyes catching on the marks his hands have left behind, on the hard cut of your nipples peeking from your crossed arms. He leers, smirking for a moment before tempering his glee. Naked, shivering as the sun sets, you look up at him. His eyes are the same as ever: impassive, critical. Your arms hug your chest tighter, and you take a step to the side. He lets you. You get all the way to the denser edge of the forest before he catches you again. He’s disappointed. I even gave you a headstart, but he sighs, bored expression morphing back into that familiar smirk. My confused little wife. He chuckles, grin sarcastic. It's for the best, he says. After all, where would you go? 

[rozaceous]

tcba ch 26 outline

sasuke pov. once again, draft is an outline, and this was written before i wrote out ch 24, so there might be some redundancies

also includes how i was going to end the ch

getting back to ame post-summit

pein/konan: you stirred things up but failed in your mission. not a single dead kage between you?

sasuke: if you want something done the way you want, do it yourself

interrupted w tobi on how they're bolstering akatsuki's numbers

zetsu's recruited kabuto so uh, hey senpai lol

and wow the tension between konan+pein and tobito can be cut w a knife

deidara and kisame out doing their thing to catch the other jinchuuriki, have used the summit as distraction to sneak in, they aren't back yet

so a clear 3 factions

pein and konan treat mariko and sasuke as tobito's toadies since they were recruited on his insistence, kabuto is assoc w mariko

but kabuto is there for the eye of the moon plan to come to fruition, make a clone army or something something w the use of edo tensei

mariko keeping mum on that one since she's not sure how much of kabuto being here is him thinking that it sounds like a genuinely good idea that he's committed to following through, and how much is him being along for the ride

sasuke can hardly call him a betrayer or whatever since he joined the same cause they did, but still feels gross

also he knows that tobito is 'madara' and the continued deception is irritating

so 'wtf is the eye of the moon plan' has to be explained, itachi explained it some but he wants to hear it form tobito besides not really being able to say that itachi told them already since they supposedly killed him

prev encounter w just pein and konan acting as directive was focused on the tyranny of the great nations and the flaws of shinobi society, so even tho he's aware that this is a thing it still feels extremely out of left field

so obviously this is bullshit and the skepticism will not stay out of his voice

and if it's tobi explaining this all, then it's super natural for him to then turn to konan and pein and "y'all good with this?" and immediately prod at the inherent tension dividing them, esp since deidara and kisame aren't there to buffer

and man it's like farting in a quiet room: pein and konan politely ignoring that there is this divide in the leadership and tobito and zetsu not wanting to exacerbate anything

tobito to sasuke: this is the only way to assure that there is peace

sasuke: by shoving everyone into a genjutsu against their will and giving them all their wildest dreams as an illusion? until what, everyone dies in the real world? until they starve to death? or is it only that chakra users would be sustained by the combined chakra of the jinchuuriki? or is that chakra store used up just by catching everyone in the genjutsu to begin with? are people's comatose bodies just getting eaten by wild animals or what's up with this logistically?

basically this is a load of unsubstantiated waffle, sasuke was taught genjutsu by orochimaru, who tho lacking in a doujutsu was premier at them and understood them on a technical level that's beyond virtually everyone else

also sasuke: your plan is shit, the whimsical thinking of children, and i'm not interested in a pretense of peace, i'm interested in justice

and mariko is totally down with this as a distinction (lowkey is doing an internal fistpump bc what a cool line bro and what a worthwhile philosophical delineation)

this is less internal than she thinks, can't quite keep a straight face

tobito maybe asking if mariko has a similar modus operandi

mariko: sasuke and i are a team

"i see"

sasuke: "does this mean we can stop this entire farce now, tobi" maybe that he's been looking for him, why was itachi so committed to him having the mangekyo/implication that he would need it

pein laughing, like "he's got you there"

kabuto is just ready to bust out the popcorn, now this is intrigue

so woo woo the dark chuckle, ahaha yes i am madara, your forebear

mariko: hm doubt (but also wtf i guess we're going w confrontation after all, have to destabilize this dude as much as i can if i want any hope of living thru the aftermath, but i guess also let's set him against konan and pein)

which sort of is sasuke's play, if there's a divide in intent here then it's prime time to force this confrontation since there's a chance of getting pein and konan to either stand down or join in, and deidara and kisame aren't present to act as other variables to control (kabuto is a non-issue in his brain no matter which way he falls lmao)

and this would catch konan and pein's attention bc they have been operating under the assumption that he is madara, or at least not otherwise caring

so mariko whips out: you're uchiha obito, aren't you

sasuke wondering how they went from 'obito's right eye never reclaimed/his body never found' to 'obito lived and is evil now' but willing to go along w it bc he trusts her instincts/she's rarely wrong in his experience/even if she is wrong, she's saying it for a purpose

can shun sense the zetsu movement? if yes then it's helpful if he's present for this whole discussion/debrief

confrontation

pein and konan staying out of it/focus is on containment (wouldn't let zetsu run off, but not fighting unless they're attacked first)

mariko+kabuto fighting zetsu vs sasuke fighting obito

attempts to slice and dice him fall thru bc he just reforms

mariko: fire it is!

sasuke struggling w the intangibility combo'd w the (essentially) teleportation, mariko needing more juice

they switch off

and ofc kabuto and sasuke look at each other like 'ugh, this guy again' but needs must or whatever

sasuke able to get his fire jutsu hot enough to scorch the plant goo? or lightning something, idk

how do they even kill him in canon

after sufficient chakra expenditure, sasuke released orochimaru

mariko had been trying to save chakra in order to use kotoamatsukami and letting sasuke be the heavy hitter

was planning to whammy obito but has to use it on orochimaru?

the rest of team7 arrives amidst this chaos

ofc adding kakashi to this particular psychological bender of obito's is always a good idea

mariko: shit, bc she'd been meaning to take care of obito (reform or otherwise) so shishou wouldn't have to

basically things conclude so that:

pein and konan go on their merry way ruling ame, disillusioned, talk no jutsu'd, whatever

obito reformed??? whatever. basically sasuke takes his remaining sharingan as a way of saying he's not worthy of having it (clan shit) and kakashi essentially defects from konoha to be his babysitter/seeing eye dog

orochimaru dead

zetsu dead

kabuto affirmed to stick w mariko (she may do some move to save him? debatable)

naruto not going back to konoha, but also feels estranged from his teammates (except sai lol). he still doesn't get why mariko did what she did/can't really grapple w her killing ppl, and he doesn't quite jive w sasumari's plan to destabilize the shinobi village system (tho it's a bit more subtle than that? idk). i think he ends up as sort of a nomad and hanging out w gaara a lot

sasumari 4evah lol

have no idea what i'm doing to tie in ROOT stuff, but there's a thought there?

need to regroup w team hebi and itachi

itachi and kisame can have their bromance reunion lol

idk abt deidara, hm

how i was going to end the ch:

Mariko leans into him and Sasuke's knees give way, the two of them toppling to the ground in a messy sprawl, exhausted. His whole body is shaking with it. She pushes herself off of him just enough so that she's not crushing him, and the laugh she breathes out trembles. A cut on her cheek is still bleeding. "So," she says. "What's next?"

[bridgetotheskyyy]

chapter one.

masterlist.

Chapter Summary: You are escorted to Suna to meet your future husband-to-be - Gaara, the Kazekage - with the knowledge you must poison him.

Chapter Warnings: alcohol, hints of parental abuse, mentions of poison

Word count: 7.5k

a/n: We're finally here! Hehe I'm excited to share this with y'all! The first chapter's been up on ao3 for a while and I've finally gotten around to crossposting here. Chapter two will be available in August! If you're interested in extra notes I highly recommend keeping an eye on this story on ao3. Hope you enjoy!

Read on ao3 here.

“Lord Boutoku.” Lord Kankuro bowed. His men followed his motion, two shinobi who flanked him from behind. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

Lord Boutoku — Father — sat stoic on his throne, knuckles supporting his chin. He, too, was flanked by men; members of your village’s council, shinobi poised to act. “Likewise, Lord Kankuro. I take it our accommodations were to your taste?”

“Oh, definitely,” Kankuro said, scratching the back of his head. “I thought I’d die of thirst on the way here! Of course, I imagine you all don’t have that problem, what with your oasis and all.” He laughed nervously.

No laughs followed. Father tapped his chin, unmoved and unamused. You almost felt sorry for Kankuro; Father was not a humorous man. You hadn’t seen him crack a single smile since your mother’s death all those years ago.

Kankuro’s laughter died. He must have guessed he’d caused some offense; he sank to his knees, fully prostrating himself. 

“Lord Boutoku,” he began, “I would like to apologize formally on the behalf on the Sand. The way Sunagakure has treated the Oasis village is utterly reprehensible. We only hope this new arrangement between your village and ours can alleviate the bad blood that lies between us.”

Bad blood.

That was an understatement.

Despite the power of the oasis, your village was small. Smack dab in the middle of the country of Wind, perennially antagonized by the Fourth Kazekage for its secrets, amongst other powers. Again and again, the Fourth had sent ninja to attack your village in hopes of stealing those secrets, oasis ninja slaughtered again and again in the name of protecting your home.

 Usually at the hands of his son.

You looked up at your father and waited for his response. 

“Your apology is much appreciated.” Father leaned forward with a hand on the arm of his chair. “I, too, hope this marriage will augur better things to come.”

“Yes.” Kankuro raised from his place, risking eye contact with Father. “The wedding between the Kazekage and your daughter will take place a month from now.”

“See that it does.”

You wrung hands in your lap. You had never, ever left your village before. Nor had Father. Could he really just give you away like this? 

And to Gaara of the Sand Waterfall? The monster of the Land of Wind? 

To assassinate him?

Your new reality was finally beginning to dawn with terrifying finality. It turned your hands clammy and sent your bones shaking underneath your skin. 

“The fourth’s assassination attempts failed to bear results,” Father had explained to you days before this meeting. The wild, crazed menace that lived in his eyes only when in private returned. “The fool. Rasa had no idea what he unleashed into the world and then lacked the strength to take out his own garbage. No matter; we will use more covert methods.”

But I’ve never killed anyone! You wanted to scream. 

“Don’t look like that!” Father snapped, startled you. “You are more than adequate for such a task. I do not ask you to imitate the shinobi around you. You have all your training as a lady; use your charm. It will conceal you, so long as you do not succumb to nerves. Do it for your brother. His blood is on the Kazekage’s hands. He of all deserves to be avenged.”

Your training … To be a court lady. To seduce, to beguile, to woo, to be beautiful and one day marry a man fit for your station. Not to kill. You didn’t know what he meant, but never would you be such an idiot as to argue with Lord Boutoku, village head, Guardian of the Oasis.

Now, Father nodded. “The time has come for my daughter to follow you.” He faced you, a meaningful glint in the ink black of his eye. “But before she does, I have a goodbye present.”

“Uh.” Kankuro didn’t know what to do with his hands, letting them fall in his lap. “Of course.”

Father motioned with his hands and immediately servants slid the room door open. They left a pillow on the floor, a black box atop it. One of the servants lifted the lid.

Your eyes widened. 

A necklace. Dyed sandstone, the color of turquoise, painted with the wavy indications of the village’s oasis and, in its center, your family emblem: the scorpion. 

Fitting, since it was where the poison was kept. 

“It has a small pocket within,” Father had explained. “The most potent poison known in the world.”

“The scorpion?” You surmised.

“Too obvious,” Father replied. “An extract from a plant that only grows this side of the Wind. You will end the Kazekage’s life with this.” 

It was an order.

“It’s beautiful, Father.” You feigned awe now. Hardly a lie. The necklace was very pretty, but the truth of what lay within tempered the aesthetic. 

“Only the best for my flesh and blood.” Father’s voice was honeyed as he began. “You, my greatest prize, the splitting image of your mother, who remains beautiful both in death and memory.”

You balled fists in your lap. Was it true? Was any of it true? Or did you just want it to be? 

Regardless, you hung on every word with knuckles blanched white.

“I bequeath my daughter to you.” Father focused on Kankuro now. “She will follow you into unknown lands. Proceed knowing you carry my heart with you on this journey.”

“Uh …” Kankuro blinked. “I — yeah — I mean, yes, of course.”

You gathered up the necklace, its chain dangling between the gaps of your fingers. You sat its pendant in your palm, the truth of it tingling your skin.

You bowed to your father. “Thank you.”

He nodded, a secret shared.

“Everything’s ready for us to depart,” Kankuro said. 

“Very well. You may go,” Father said. He lifted his hand, and a shinobi stood. “One of my personal guards, Chuuyou, will accompany you personally. He is the only one I would trust with such a task; my most loyal servant.”

Chuuyou strode toward you, offering a hand. He was much older than you, though you could never pin down an approximate age. Mid thirties? Early forties? His mask hid all but his eyes. 

“Come, Lady (Y/n),” he said, his soft voice an utter contrast to his intimidating build. “Careful, don’t harm yourself …”

Don’t drop the necklace.

You stood, felt the pressure of eyes on you as one of Kankuro’s men held the door open for you. You fixed the necklace around your neck.

“Goodbye, my love,” Father said before you crossed the threshold, “and remember.”

To everyone else, the meaning was obvious: remember me, your village, your home.

But you knew its true meaning:

Remember your duty.

-

“Sooo …” Kankuro’s word lingered. “Is he always like that?” 

Your smile was a bit too genuine. “Yes,” you chuckled.

Your gaze carried out the window; the coach sat in between the two walls concealing your village, and out sand ninja mixed with oasis ninja, sizing each other up, poised to act. Kankuro had brought quite a show with him, and you recognized it for what it was: a show of power. You counted at least fifty men. Your father, never one to be outdone, had raised to meet him with at least eighty to guard you on your way to Suna — and initiate the takeover, once the Kazekage was “handled.” One-hundred thirty in all. Tension stretched the air taut. The severity of it all was unbearable. 

When your eyes trailed higher, your home sprawled before you; giant sandcastles composed the buildings, towers, temples dedicated to the spirit of the oasis, some otherworldly being no one but the village heads had ever seen; bridges protected and nestled by a circling sandstone wall for good measure.

“It’s a shame there has to be so much mistrust between our villages,” You said to say something.

“It is.” Kankuro’s voice was solemn as he rested elbows on his knees. “Look, I know this all must be a … big change for you. It must be scary, too. But it’s okay; everything will be all right.” He tried a smile. “Once you arrive, they’ll be a big celebration. Lots of associates and the like, nothing you can’t handle. That sounds fun, right?”

You faced him. Affable and easy nature. It was sweet of him to try to soothe you. You were nervous — but not for reasons you could share with him. Gaara of the Sand Waterfall, the monster who had killed your brother … Clearly, this tidbit of family history was unknown to them, otherwise there would be no way they could trust you. You knew what you had to do, but how was your father so sure you could do it? Couldn’t he just snap you in two? How were you supposed to pretend to be happy about being married off to someone like that?

You flipped your fan open to conceal the lower end of your face, eyes lowering to the window. “It does. Thank you for your concern … The Kazekage — your brother … what kind of man is he?”

“Gaara?” Kankuro blinked before realization made him smile and scratch his head again, “Oh, okay, I know where this is going. He had quite a … reputation in the past, but he’s very different now. You’ll be safe with him — with us.”

You would say that, wouldn’t you? But still, you’d heard great things about the Kazekage — how he’d help lead the charge during the Fourth Great Ninja War, how he had battled the Uchiha patriarch, befriended the Hokage �� 

“The Kazekage has changed a great deal, apparently …” 

“More than you know,” Kankuro joked. “And like I said, we’re very sorry for the grief the Sand has caused your village. You have nothing to fear from him.” His next words were emphatic. “He would never hurt an innocent person, especially a civilian, especially his future wife.”

Perhaps the fear of being ripped to shreds had left you, but there was still the question of his character. And everything else. What if you weren’t his type? What if you couldn’t woo him enough to get close? What then?

The coach jerked. 

“Oh.” Kankuro took note of the scene outside the window. “Good. We’re moving.”

You stuck your head out the window to take one last look at your home. The village began to grow distant as the coach drew past the gate and sank into darkness. It was real. You were leaving. 

“You’ll love the sand, Lady (Y/n),” Kankuro said. “It’s not much of a change at all, in fact.”

“I …”  You trailed. You settled back into the coach. “I look forward to it. And please, just (Y/n) will do; we’ll be family soon enough!”

Kankuro smiled. “All right. (Y/n).”

You returned the smile. The poisoned pendant sat around your neck, pressed against your beating heart.

-

The trip was saved by geography. Your village sat on the far east of the Land of Wind, bordering the Land of Rivers. A day and you were closing in on the Sand. 

When the coach opened, you were dying to stretch your legs. A whole day and a half in a coach had been torture enough, but having Kankuro as company had made it easier, amusing you with impromptu puppet shows and jokes.

“There you go, I gotcha,” he said as he led you by the hand out of the coach onto the hard rocky ground, waited as you reached back to retrieve your gift for the Kazekage.

Immediately your guard, Chuuyou, came to your side as the gates of Sunagakure opened for them like a lion’s maw. The wind whipped at your face and threatened to grain your eyes with sand.

“Are you all right, my lady?” he asked.

“Yes.” You opened your fan to conceal your face. “Let’s hurry before the wind picks up…”

Together, Kankuro and Chuuyou led you to the gates. Like a mythical palace, they creaked open, loud and ancient. Guards nodded to Kankuro as the three of you passed, followed by the one-hundred thirty. The gates roared closed. The wind ceased howling. 

“I hate this part,” Kankuro said beside you. “It’s a five-minute walk once you get past the gate.”

“We were in a coach for a whole day,” You said, closing your fan to tape on your shoulder, looking up at him. “I thought you’d be relieved, like me.”

“So I’m lazy — sue me.”

You chuckled. You liked Kankuro. Throughout the trip, he had begun to remind you a bit of your older brother, Hideo. 

Light from the interior of the village spilled through, illuminating the walkway. Two more people waited.

A blonde woman strode to Kankuro. “Finally,” she said. She smiled and bowed to you. “Hello, Lady (Y/n). We’re so pleased to welcome you to our village.”

“Just (Y/n), please!”

She raised from her bow, surprised. 

“She insisted, Temari,” Kankuro said. “Leave the formalities to the old geezers.”

“Kankuro!” the man beside Temari chastised.

Kankuro only snickered as Temari regained composure. “Well, if you’re comfortable. My name is Temari.”

“The Kazekage sister!” 

“Yes.” She seemed charmed by your naivety. She motioned to the man behind her. “And this is Baki.”

The man beside her bowed, half of his face hidden by a sheet. “A pleasure.”

“Hello …”

Temari’s eyes roved over what sat cradled in your arms. “And you brought something!”

You offered it to her. “A gift for the Lord Kazekage.”

It was a cactus of rich chartreuse, secured in a simple pot. Its spiked leaves raised skyward, growing eagerly from its soil. 

“Oh, he’ll love it.” She took it from you. “My brother loves cacti. How did you know?”

“I’ve heard rumors.”

“It’s so thoughtful of you!” Temari said, voice high and adorable. She motioned for you to follow. “Let’s get you to the council. The sooner they meet you, the sooner we can show you to your quarters for some well-deserved rest, hm? Besides, they’ve been dying to meet you.”

“One of them, especially,” Kankuro added.

Sunagakure opened up to you. It depressed into its cavern, with buildings standing tall and stable with stucco. Domed buildings were adorned with tiny, spherical windows. You still preferred your village, with its swirling sandstone and elegant sandcastles, but Suna proved impressive in its own right. 

“I’m just happy to see another female after so long,” You said as you followed.

This made Temari chuckle. “Sorry. I would’ve gone myself to collect, but …”

“She never leaves my brother’s side if she can help it,” Kankuro said. “I can’t believe she’s getting married —“

Temari shot him a glare, and he reeled back.

“Don’t fight,” Baki ordered from behind you. “Do I need to remind you two that we have a guest?”

“You’re getting married?” You asked. “How nice! So I’m not alone!”

Clever, girl. Father praised in your mind.

Temari blushed. “Yes, well — ahem — this isn’t about me …”

She ushered all of you into a building and led you to its underground, where a room opened up. You stood amazed as statues of previous Kazekages rose high into the ceiling. A round table sat at the center of the room and sat around it were robed elders. The council. 

“Oh!” one of them, the only woman, squealed. “She’s arrived! Address her, my lord!”

A man turned to see you.

Gaara.

You had never seen him in person. Immediately, his ringed eyes, turquoise eyes, captivated yours. A strange kanji tattooed his forehead. Otherworldly, save for the red hair common of those in the desert. He’s … cute.

He’s  killed people? He’s not even that tall …

Nervous, you bowed. “My lord.” You rose in time to see him return the favor. 

“She’s brought a gift for you, Lord Kazekage!” the woman elder exclaimed.

Temari smiled and gave it to him. 

Gaara — Gaara blushed.

You recovered from your surprise. “I know you must already have so many, but …”

“No,” he said. He petted the side of the pot, seeming genuinely touched. “It’s all right … Thank you.”

You nodded and heard Father’s voice. Yes, all according to plan …

“You are very beautiful,” he said. 

You fiddled with your fingers. The council members murmured, hearts in their eyes. So distracted were you by Gaara and your own thoughts that you didn’t see the female elder come between the two of you.

“Oh, Lady (Y/n),” she said breathlessly. “I am Ikanago.” She took your hand. “Come, come, sit with us.”

“Lady —“

“Lady Temari, please excuse yourselves from the room,” Ikanago hastened. “We must consult with Lady (Y/n) and Lord Kazekage.”

Temari, Baki, and Kankuro looked to Gaara for help. 

“It will only be a moment,” Gaara assured them with a smile. “Afterward, you can show Lady (Y/n) to her quarters.” 

They bowed to him. 

“Very well,” Temari said. “Come on …”

They filed out, leaving only Chuuyou at the entryway, refusing to leave you.

This didn’t seem to bother Ikanago. “Come, come, take my seat!” she said, ushering you into it.

There were several members, only one who looked to be younger than fifty; you remembered Kankuro’s comments of old geezers.

“I am Ebizo.”

“I am Goza.”

More introduced themselves, becoming a mad soup of names you were not sure you would remember later — Ryusa, Sajo, Tojuro — though one of them did not introduce himself, engrossing in papers in front of him and refusing to look up. 

“Joseki!” Ikanago was scandalized. “Don’t be rude!”

“Merely overseeing the council,” he replied coolly.

“Lady (Y/n) will surely not mind one of us being silent,” Ebizo joked. “I am sure this is overwhelming for the young lady.”

“Oh no,” You assured. “Not at all …”

Gaara came to sit beside you and Ikanago squealed.

“Already acting like a couple, I see!” she said. “We’re all so honored to have you here. There’s much to discuss …”

-

“This is insane!” Temari paced the outer hall of the council room. “What are those fossils thinking, marrying Gaara off like this?”

“Let’s just try to be positive, Temari,” Kankuro encouraged, head following Temari to and fro. “(Y/n) seems nice enough. Maybe it’ll work out?”

“Kankuro’s right,” Baki said, leaning against the wall. “It is our responsibility to —“ 

“I don’t trust any of this.” Temari continued to stomp-pace. “Even if (Y/n) seems nice, our father warned me about Lord Boutoku; he’s crazy. And prideful. Great combination.”

Kankuro sighed. “Temari —“

“Not to mention his reputation for having a ferocious temper, and how quickly he puts dissenters to death,” Temari went on. “No matter how badly we’ve treated their village, it should’ve never come to this!”

“I agree, but the council assisted on this, Temari,” Baki pressed. “With your marriage to Shikamaru on the horizon and, ah,” Baki turned to Kankuro, “Kankuro … second in line, Lord Kazekage has to start thinking about the future. It’s time for him to consider a family. The line is in peril.”

“Our willingness to share resources with the Oasis village is a good idea,” Kankuro added. “I just hope they like each other. She even bought a cactus for him. That was sweet.”

“I’ll make sure that thing’s checked for any and all poisons we have recorded in the directory,” Temari snapped. “Or anything else.”

“Temari!”

Kankuro clicked his tongue. “That’s kinda harsh, don’t you think?” 

“Can’t be too careful.” Temari stopped at the window, arms crossed. “It’s not (Y/n) I don’t trust — it’s that tyrant of a father she has.” She sighed. “I’ll be staying in the sand for a few weeks; I just know something’s bound to go wrong. But at least Gaara probably won’t touch that cactus.”

-

Gaara caressed the cactus, avoiding the prickles while the council hounded you. 

“We’ll be forever grateful to Lord Boutoku for allowing us access to his oasis,” Ebizo said before hurrying to add, “After the two of you have married, of course.” 

“Have you ever seen it, Lady (Y/n)?” 

“Um” You said, “well, no, but —“

“Oh, surely she has!” 

“Lord Boutoku guards all his secrets. We will also have access to any hiden and secret techniques, correct?” 

“Um —“

“Surely we will!” Ikanago went on. “We’re blessed to have a lady of such renowned blood join our village!”

“This marriage will bear extraordinary fruit.”

“About that,” Gaara said, setting aside the cactus.

The room grew quiet as heads turned to him. 

“I am aware some women are given away against their will.” Gaara turned to you. “I would like to know if this arrangement is as consensual as I was told.” 

You blinked. You thought of your mother, given away to your lord father by your poverty-stricken grandparents. It was lucky for them that Father took a liking to her — and fell in love. But how many of those stories ended happily?

You were … flattered.

“Oh, Lord Kazekage, I’m sure —“

“I would like to have it confirmed by Lady (Y/n), Lady Ikanago,” Gaara cut her off.

The council waited for an answer.

“I … thank you, Lord Kazekage, for thinking of me,” You said. “But, yes. I am here because I want to be.”

And …

Gaara eyed you, and for a second you wondered if he using some sort of shinobi intuition to read the things you fought to conceal. He nodded seconds later, satisfied.

“That’s a lovely necklace, Lady (Y/n).” Ikanago was suddenly beside you, leaning forward to admire your pendant. “A gift from your lord father, I presume?” 

She came closer to inspect it. Your eyes widened, and you sat back and away from her. 

“I — I would appreciate a few moments alone with the Kazekage,” You said a little too loudly. “If you all wouldn’t mind?”

“That sounds reasonable,” Ebizo said. 

“Yes, of course!” Ikanago winked as though the two of you were in on a shared secret and followed the other elders out of the room. 

The door shut, and the two of you were alone.

All right, (Y/n), it’s time to woo him …

Surely, Father hadn’t expected you to try to poison him so soon. You would have to wait until later, when the two of you were alone — truly alone — perhaps after a day or a few. Intuition stilled your hand.  

Still, you could put on some charm.

You smiled gently. You reached for Gaara’s hand, inching toward his … 

His hand shied away.

“I …” He watched your hand slink away. “I apologize for their behavior. They are my elders and yet I feel as though sometimes they are much younger than me.” Gaara braved to look up at you. “I hope … you don’t think me cold.”

Taken aback, you shook your head. “No, not at all …”

“I would like to make it clear,” Gaara said, “after the party, I will have my ninja send all the promised resources to your village. Food, weapons, clothing … I would like to make up for how the Oasis has been treated.”

You sat, too stupefied for a timely answer. Your eyes flickered to the kanji on his forehead. This was the ruthless monster who had killed Hideo in cold blood? 

“That is … very kind of you, Lord Kazekage,” You murmured. 

“I am a man of my word.”

You raised your brows at him, words alluding you.

The doors creaked open.

“All right, Gaara,” Temari said, tone much less formal now the council had disbanded. “The two of you can get to know each other at the party. I’m sure (Y/n) would like to finally rest for today. Let me show her quarters.”

The two of you stood. 

“Very well,” Gaara said. He turned to you with a sort of finality. “There has been much bloodshed between our villages. All of it is unnecessary — as with most bloodshed.”

You pulled away a bit. Yes, all of it. You remembered Hideo in vivid detail. Maybe you were being misled? This was all an act.

“I agree,” you said coolly.

You could tell he knew you were offended somehow when he tilted his head. 

“I apologize,” he said. “I have —“

“I’ll … take my leave now, Lord Kazekage,” You said with a bow, ready to leave. 

Gaara composed himself enough for a slight smile. “Goodbye then. Until tonight.”

You nodded. “Yes.”

-

Temari, Kankuro, and Baki led you to a building adjacent to what could only be the Kazekage’s office. A modest palace in which you were happy to enter; the sandstorm had settled down, but it was much colder indoors. Baki bid the three of you farewell to care for other business, leaving you in the care of the siblings.

Temari led you to a single room and threw the doors open. 

“And this is your stay!”

You walked in. It was a large room with a canopy bed risen on a dais. You would have a window, and wide-leafed plants sat to and fro to liven up the space. There was a mat, a desk, a night stand … 

You turned to them, confused. “This isn’t a master bedroom.”

“No, it isn’t.” Temari followed your sentiment. “Is something wrong?” 

“Well, it’s just …” You faced the bed again. “I thought I would be sleeping with Lord Kazekage. Is this where he sleeps?”

Temari grew wide-eyed and stammering, her face red. Your comment had even gotten to Kankuro, whose cheeks tainted pink. 

“You — will be separate, of course,” Temari said. “Until after the wedding, that is.” 

You nodded to conceal your disappointment. So this would be trickier than you thought. The training your father had insisted you partake in included many things, none of them true espionage; your weak constitution meant you had never gotten an opportunity to train as a shinobi like your brother. Instead, one of your skills included how to kill a man in his sleep, in his private quarters and, if need be, during sex. Because of said “training” you weren’t a virgin, but you never considered yourself taken either. You thought it was … nice, in a way; your father had wanted you to know how to protect yourself, even if his methods had been a bit … questionable. But how would this work if you couldn’t get the Kazekage alone? You would have to sneak into his quarters, but that would only look more suspicious.

“I see,” You sighed. “Well … I certainly hope I can please the Kazekage when the time comes.” 

Temari looked ready to faint. Kankuro snickered into his knuckles. 

“I thank you for the room anyway,” You said, smiling. “I’m sure I’ll be comfortable here.”

Temari was recovering from her near heart attack, hand at her heart, to breathe out, “I’ll … send some servants to care for you, all right?” 

A tinge of sadness. You missed your maids from home who had mothered you so. They had hugged you and cried the day of your departure. You had teared up, too, not knowing when you would see them next. Or, if your mission failed, at all.

You couldn’t tell Temari and Kankuro that, of course. You could tell no one.

“Actually, if you don’t mind …” You said. “I’d like to rest a bit before this party tonight.”

“All right,”  Temari said. She held the door open for them to leave. “Don’t forget to shout if you need anything.”

You nodded in understanding. The door closed, and you sank into bed, turning over with a painful moan; how in the world were you meant to do this? 

The curtains became your friends; you spread them so they could hide you. You collapsed against the pillows, consumed with your thoughts and, eventually, fell into sleep.

-

Your ladies fastened you into your yukata for the evening before placing you in front of the mirror to admire yourself. 

“You look stunning, Lady (Y/n).”

The scarlet yukata was garnished with hints of beige and brown, thus your turquoise pendant served as a complimentary pop of color. It was fitting; you guessed. The colors were meaningful; you “belonged” to the Kazekage and his family.

You were nothing but a doll.

You thanked your servants and requested they leave you alone with the few minutes you had left to spare. You tinkered with your necklace — only to snatch your hand away, sure that wasn’t a good idea. What were you meant to do? Maybe after the party, everyone would be tired enough that you could make a move? Sneak something into his drink? No, it would be too soon. Who else would be blamed besides you?

A knock at the door. “Lady (Y/n). It’s time.”

The muffled voice was Baki’s. You went to the door, opened it to see him looking the same — flak jacket, sheet covering one eye … 

To your surprise, he smiled, and it brought his face to life. He offered you his hand. “You look beautiful.”

You hesitated in taking his hand. Baki lead you out into the dim hallway. Chuuyou, ever your shadow, and a few other oasis guards slipped farther into the darkness.

“Thank you.” You told Baki.

“You’re welcome,” he said. “I apologize for Kankuro and Temari; they’re siblings through and through, always bickering.”

“Oh, they don’t bother me!” 

“Still, I thought it would be best if I sent for you instead. They’re busy with Lord Kazekage.”

He led you out of the palace to a rowdier hall nearby the Kazekage’s office. The hall opened into the party — your breath caught in your chest. 

 It was a long, roofless courtyard. Lines strung with lanterns carried over the space and warded off a night patterned with stars. Nobles dined on tables lined with food and cupped their hands over ears to gossip. Jugglers and dancers amused the party-goers as music — rhythmic drums, frantic tambourines — blared. Despite the festive circumstances, there was something cold in the atmosphere — curt bows and distrustful stares — layering over the event like another coating of paint. 

Baki led you, your hand in his, through the courtyard. You blinked and an explosion of color flared behind your lids. 

“(Y/n)!”

You spun. Kankuro and Temari wove through the crowd. 

“Oh, you look great!” Temari’s voice was sickly sweet as she cupped her hands.

“Love the colors.” Kankuro took a swig from his glass as he admired your yukata. “Real subtle.”

“Our Lord Kazekage will be giving a speech at the end of the night,” Baki said.

“Oh, really?” You said.

“Yeah,” Kankuro said. “I think he’ll be able to give Lord Boutoku a run for his money in the oratory department.”

“But until then, it’ll just be all drinking and festivities.” Temari waved off it off while winking. “You know how it is.”

“Where is Gaara?” You said, looking around. You tensed when you realized your mistake. Lord Kazekage, your classless buffoon, Father reproached. But when no one corrected you, you relaxed.

“We’ll take you to him,” Kankuro said, and the four of you began to change direction.

You looked around; the Sand and Oasis ninja meshed together, acclimating to one another. You recognized council members throughout the crowd, mingling with nobles swilling wine.

“There she is!”

The girlish squeal made you look to your left to see a gaggle of girls storming toward you. They bombarded you with questions. You nearly stumbled over on your heel had Baki not caught you —

“She’s so pretty!” 

“When’s the wedding? Is it soon?”

“I wanted to marry the Kazekage! Me!” 

“Ladies!” Baki shouted over them, taking you by the shoulder. “One at a time!”

Ninja made beelines toward the scene, alarmed by the sudden swarm. The last thing you saw was the back of Baki’s head as he tried to control the young girls. You lost everyone. Disoriented, you sheltered behind a pillar. 

You breathed a sigh of relief — 

You sensed the presence of another. 

A brunette girl appeared from beyond the column, looking sobered. 

“Oh, hello!” You took note of her attire. “You’re a Sand ninja, aren’t you?” 

There was no emotion in her eyes to pair with her curt smile. “Hello, Lady (Y/n). I am Matsuri. I am — was … the Kazekage’s student.” She bowed. “Please to meet you.”

“Student?” You parroted. “It — it must’ve been an honor to study under the Kazekage himself …”

“Yes.” Her voice was hardly audible. “It … it was, I —“ Her words caught on something. “Excuse me, I must check on something.” 

“Oh, okay, I —“

Your sentence died as Matsuri hurried to rejoin the party’s fray. 

She dissolved into the crowd. Had you done something wrong? Something to offend? Stupid girl, Father barked.

You’ll be fine. Remember what father said about your nerves ruining things …

 You traipsed into the courtyard from another wing.

Scarlet hair caught your eye. Gaara. He sat in his Kazekage robes of white and turquoise at a long table foreseeing the festivities. 

You made your way toward him, only to run into someone new. 

“Ah, Lady (Y/n),” said the man. “We meet again.”

You recognized him. Joseki. 

You stiffened. “Hello, Elder Joseki.”

Joseki’s eyes narrowed. Disgust and something else — pity — marred his severe face.

“I hope you are enjoying yourself,” he said. “It’s a shame. A lady such as yourself being pawned to our Kazekage in this manner.”

You fought to neutralize your face. An elder, speaking ill of his village head? 

Joseki took advantage of your stunned silence to continue. “Let’s hope something of worth comes from this … arrangement.”

“I …” You began. “Elder, I don’t know what you mean.”

Joseki “hmphed” and turned away. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t. I —“

“(Y/n)!” It was Kankuro, followed by Baki. “There you are.”

Joseki paused as they joined the two of you. 

“Have we missed something, Elder Joseki?” Baki said coolly. “Surely, Lady (Y/n) doesn’t want to discuss politics on such a joyous occasion.”

“I was just leaving, actually,” Joseki said before turning to you. “I hope you enjoy your time in the Sand, Lady (Y/n).”

“Thank you …” Your voice was weak as Joseki departed. 

Why did he say it like that? Like this is just a little vacation for me. Like I’m not here to stay?

“Don’t worry about Joseki,” Kankuro said, leading you away. “He’s not the biggest fan of Gaara.”

“Why?”

Kankuro opened his mouth, only to close it.

“Ah, there he is,” Baki said. 

Gaara tilted his kage hat up as other nobles surrounded him, demanding his attention. 

“Gaara!” Kankuro called. “I brought your fiance!”

Baki glared at Kankuro as he seated you by Gaara. 

“Thank you, Kankuro,” he said before surveying the group. “Where’s Temari?”

“Oh.” Kankuro’s tone was nonchalant. “She just went to take care of some business that came up.” 

Gaara nodded. “All right.”

“Let’s leave these two alone so they can get to know each other,” Kankuro whispered to Baki. 

An anger vein sprouted on Baki’s head. “Oh, really? Not so you can get drunk?”

“That’s preposterous!”

Baki grumbled as Kankuro led him away from the table. You turned to Gaara. The hat shrouded his features, leaving his eyes in a deep shade. 

“I hope you like your yukata,” he said.

You hung your head to feign bashfulness. “Thank you, Lord Kazekage.”

 “Though, I wish you had been allowed to choose one you preferred,” he said. 

“It���s all right,” You said. “I am a guest in your village. It would only be appropriate for me to don the colors of Suna and forgo my own for a while.”

“All right,” Gaara’s smile was slight, “(Y/n).”

The sound of your name on his lips threw you. Though you had tried to tell everyone to drop formality — and had simply rolled your eyes at Baki ignoring you — something about hearing your name cradled in Gaara’s deep baritone made your stomach whirl. 

“Kankuro told me a bit about you,” Gaara went on. “About how your mother … I am sorry.”

You paused in the spotlight. You fought the images that followed; your mother’s lifeless body, her throat slit open. “Th — thank you, Lor —“

“Gaara.”

“Thank you, Gaara.”

Gaara’s eyes cast down to the table. His voice fogged with memory as he said, “I also lost my mother. But it was after my birth. I was never able to know her.” 

“I’m sorry.” You reached for his hand, only to retreat, remembering last time. 

His eyes trailed up your hand. “I was … sad and confused for a long time. I was very different when I was a child. I didn’t know if I was truly loved by her — or by anyone.”

“That’s insane.” The sharpness in your tone surprised you, as did the passion. “All mothers love their children!”

Gaara paused, charmed. He nodded in agreement with you. “I now know I was always loved.” His smile was faint. “Your mother would be proud of you; you were brave to come here. Perhaps … perhaps it's time for me to be brave.”

He reached forward to take your hand. He gave it an imperceptible squeeze as his hand blanketed your own. A second or two and Gaara moved away, pink coloring his cheeks. 

You stared, speechless. This … was the monster Father sent you to kill? You had brushed it off as an act before; men had a way of transforming when they got a woman alone. But no one was around now besides party-goers too involved with themselves to care. 

Was he genuine? Could he really be this … sweet?

Kankuro returned to the table, giggling. 

“I can’t believe the lack of discipline you’re showing,” Temari stood cross-armed over him. “What if something bad happened just now and Gaara needed your help?”

“Gaara,” Kankuro hiccuped, “is doing just fine!” 

He raised his glass, and a servant took the hint, refilling Kankuro’s glass.

“Would anyone else care for refreshments?” the servant asked.

“Not him.” Temari smacked Kankuro over the head with her fan. “Thank you.”

“I would like some.” You raised your glass.

“I second that,” Gaara said. “I feel parched for some strange reason.”

The servant filled your cups and took his leave. You placed the rim of the glass to your lips, flicking your tongue out like a cat to test it, before taking a full sip. It was like no wine you had ever had before. You turned to Gaara who was taking several swigs. 

Wine, onigiri, slices of meat and soups came to the table and you all ate. You had no idea how hungry you were until you touched the soup to your lips, hardly waiting for it to become warm before you dove in as politely as you could. You watched Gaara finish his second glass of wine as Temari traded Kankuro’s liquor for water, throwing the red substance behind her back when he wasn’t looking. 

“Ah,” Gaara said. “You’ve gotten a bit of rice on your face.”

“Oh?” You said. “Oh, I’m —“

But Gaara had already risen a napkin to your chin, offering it awkwardly before taking it upon himself to wipe the grain away. Your eyes widened at the gesture. You could feel his finger through the cloth, brushing the piece away.

A squeal. “You can just hear the wedding bells!” 

Ikanago was approaching the table, flanked by two Sand shinobi. Gaara quickly drew away from you.

“Keep acting like that and you’ll never make it until after the wedding!” Ikanago winked and stumbled away, humming with her wineglass.

“See, Tem — hiccup — mari!” Kankuro said, cheeks tomato red now. “I’m not — hiccup — the only — hiccup — one — hiccup — drinking!”

Temari’s eyebrow twitched. “And that’s a good thing?”

“Temari,” Gaara said. “I think you should enjoy yourself as much as Kankuro. Why don’t you have a drink?”

Temari hesitated, fiddling with a napkin. “Um, well, Gaara, I …”

Gasps from the crowd. Party-goers split down the middle as dancers took to the center, cartwheeling, back-flipping, twirling batons. Already, the enthralled crowd clapped, whooping their approval. 

Temari smiled. “I guess this is where the real show starts.”

“A wedding gift from Naruto, I believe,” Gaara elaborated. 

Your neck nearly broke as you turned to Gaara. Naruto? The Hokage?

They’re close, remember?

One of the dancers stood right side up. He blew into the night air and flames burst from his mouth to light a torch. The crowd wooed nervously. 

“Don’t worry!” the dance said as his fellows gyrated around him. “I’m great with fire!” 

He resumed his dance. One of his dancers threw him another torch, which he lit and began to twirl and juggle. Another had a fan she used to whip and literally fan the flames.

“Whaaat? That’s way smaller than Temari’s.” Kankuro turned to you. “Temari’s got a huge fan that’s almost as big as her!” 

Your eyebrows raised.“Really?”

Temari dismissed the flattery. “It’s not that impressive.”

“She can glide on it!” 

You were amazed. “You have a giant fan you ride on?”

“It’s giant like her!”

Temari clocked Kankuro on the head as Gaara nodded to you. “It’s a part of her skill set as a shinobi.”

You pouted. “I envy you all; I wish I could’ve been a shinobi, but my father always said I was too weak for it…”

It was a second before Gaara changed the subject. “Kankuro told me also that you have a brother?” 

You raised your head. “Yes. Hideo …”

“I hope to meet him one day,” he said. “He will be my brother-in-law, after all.”

You sobered. Hideo’s kind face and gentle laugh sounded in your head — a face that was gone and a laugh that was gone because he was gone.

You cleared your throat. “Had a brother.”

The three of them went silent.

Gaara’s expression sobered. “I’m sorry.”

You smiled weakly. “I —“

A yelp. The dancer’s hair had caught on fire. His dancers flocked to him, patting his head to put it out as the crowd bellowed with laughter. 

“Oh gods,” You said, feeling second handed embarrassment for him. “I hope he’s okay.”

“Yes …” Gaara said sourly. “I’ll have to tell Naruto about this.”

“Yeah.” Kankuro took a drink. “Let’s not.” 

The fires died. The dancers carried their leader away from the courtyard. The four of you continued to bond, Kankuro and Temari explained to you the best they could how their abilities worked, but you could tell they withheld details out of fear of confusing you. It turned out Gaara could actually control sand and that on normal days he carried a gourd of it on his back. All of it sounded so fascinating to you.

“It’s really quite hot, isn’t it?” You said as Gaara traded his wine for water.

He paused. “Are you bothered by it? We could go indoors where it’s cooler.”

“No,” You said, charmed by his concern. Typical desert, really.  You’d think I’d be used to it. “I’m fine.” 

“Lord Kazekage.” Baki came over, whispered in his ear. “It’s time.”

Gaara nodded, and with a reassuring look to you and his siblings, departed from the table. He and Baki carried on to a small podium. You watched as those in the courtyard grew quiet when he ascended the steps. 

The command he has over them all. It was immediate. Of course, he was the Kazekage, but something about the gentle way they seemed to respect him struck you. Nothing like your lord father and the fear he inspired in his subjects. 

“Sand shinobi,” Gaara began. “Oasis shinobi. We are siblings in this desert, bonded by a common blood and heritage, and yet we have done nothing but fight one another, with the sand admittedly the aggressor in nearly every conflict. For too long, we have been more than willing to go to war against those we should call family. It ends today. With my marriage to the village head of the Oasis village, Lord Boutoku’s daughter, Lady (Y/n), we put this violent past behind us and strive for a better future. No longer will we squabble over resources both villages need in order to prosper. Instead, we shall share them. One family under one table.”

The crowd broke out in polite applause. You listened, stunned. Where was the quiet boy who could barely hold your hand a few moments ago? His words felt … honest. Heartfelt. Regretful. Hopeful.

“Told you.” Kankuro leaned into your side. “No offense, but he could definitely put your lord father to shame.”

He could, You admitted to yourself. 

“And so,” Gaara went on. “After this …”

He paused. You imagined it was all for the sake of theatrics, a simple beat to reign in the attention of the audience —

He stumbled.

Gasps. Murmurs of alarm. The air grew tight. 

“Something’s wrong,” Temari said.

Gaara caught himself, holding to the microphone with heavy-lidded eyes. 

What? But what happened? You hadn’t —

Panic seized you. Your mind reeled back. The cactus. What was it the botanist had said?

“Oh yes, some strands are incredibly toxic upon touch, oh yes … Us who handle them must all be very careful with the specimens we interact with, yes …”

Oh no.

Gaara stumbled again, only to tip over and faint.

“Gaara!” Temari and Kankuro cried in unison. They abandoned the table and teleported, in flashes, to the stage. 

Baki was there, intercepting it all, along with several other Sand shinobi as the courtyard erupted in panic.

All the while, you stood there, absorbing the chaos, knowing it was only a matter of time before heads turned to you.

[kankuroplease]

What is the state of Tora and Orochimarus relationship? What happened between them? Why caused them to separate? Does Oro still love her? Is Tora still willing to give him another chance? GIVE US ALL THE SPICE!

It’s important to understand Orochimaru and Tora shared a bed, but weren’t official. Orochimaru was always busy with his shinobi life (and secrecy) and Tora was as busy making connections to live the high life.

Ultimately, what broke them apart was their inability to make each other a priority, bad decisions, and war. Tora found out she was pregnant and instead of saying anything to anyone, went on an 8 month vacation to clear her head. Then she had Sho and sank into a deep depression that took years for her to claw her way back to being herself.

Sho was all that mattered and she’d make sure her daughter had a life that could make up for her mistakes. So she set her sights on a extremely wealthy and old man, wooing him into marriage, played the perfect wife, dealt with geriatric bedroom activities for a few years, and was willed his entire fortune, much to his kids dismay. Mission accomplished ✨

Last she heard of Oro was that he was a wanted man and unlike the man she once knew 💀

As for Oro, he doesn’t know if he ever loved her or if believed her honeyed words. Tora has always been an enigma that is better studied in the wild to see what she’ll do next. There is a familiar fondness, but it doesn’t seem to be reciprocated anymore and he’s fine with that (what’s new)

They’re never getting back together and that’s something they both agree is for the best.

[belit0]

hi !! I was hoping you could write a nsfw yandere shisui x reader where he gets extremely jealous of her talking with some other guy while shopping and he takes it out on her when they get home 🫣🫣

This was actually so fun! It's been a long time since I last worked with Shisui, and I kinda missed him. Even more exciting cause we have nsfw and Yandere, which I really love as well!

TW: rough (but consensual) sex, yandere behavior. Pairing: Uchiha Shisui / reader NSFW

"You got yourself in this situation, (Y/N). There's no way around it, there's no way for you to escape it, you're just going to take it like the good little girl you are and not say a word about it, mkay?"

His previous words before he utterly destroyed her.

It had been a wonderful afternoon at the market. Usually, Shisui would not allow her to go out, not wanting to risk the possibility of people seeing her beauty and trying to woo her. Today, he felt particularly indulgent, and when (Y/N) begged and pleaded under the pretext of the day being beautiful and having to make the most of it, he could not say no.

Crowning her plea with a good blowjob had certainly helped.

They walked through the sunny streets and enjoyed a nice snack, even laughing together for a while before everything went wrong. The problem arose when they were on their way back, leisurely wandering on the gorgeous summer night.

(Y/N) was pondering aloud about what she could make him for dinner, and Shisui was simply glad he had molded her to his perfect taste and preference. The situation presented itself when one of his ANBU colleagues popped out of surprise, initiating a conversation he didn't seem interested in having.

It was (Y/N) who stepped out of place, chatting happily with the fellow shinobi as if Shisui wasn't there. She may not have started the chat, but she didn't seem in a hurry to finish it either.

"Oi, Shisui, this girl is really nice, you should bring her to our unofficial meetings! (Y/N), urge him to do so, the whole team should meet you. You're lovely!"

She knew, with every word spoken, she was digging her own grave, but she couldn't be impolite to one of his comrades. She inwardly prayed Shisui would understand it was not her fault, and he would forgive her the impudence of such a simple exchange.

Of course, such would never be the case.

After all, being at his side, any interaction with another man was a problem. He wouldn't cause a public scene, wouldn't give out any hint that the exchange didn't sit well with him in the slightest, but she was fully aware that all hell would break loose over her head when they reached the privacy of their home.

Eventually, it was he who managed to get his comrade off their backs, and when he made sure it was just the two of them alone again, he didn't waste a second. He grabbed her tightly around the waist, squeezing so fiercely as to leave marks, and used his body flicker to immediately return home.

He didn't bother with such formalities as entering through the main door, taking the bedroom as his destination, and throwing (Y/N) on the bed before she could understand what was happening. Dizzy from the sudden movement, and disoriented by the abrupt change of scenery, she was stripped of certain articles of clothing, mainly her pants, and underwear.

"I guess you still don't understand how things work, (Y/N). Why would you think you're allowed to freely talk to people? Worse yet, another man?" As he stated his threat in words, he wasted no time, preparing himself for what he was about to do.

"You really think you can disrespect me like that? Flirting with another person under my very nose? My teammate, for fucks sake!" She had landed with her back on the bed, and soon, found herself naked from the waist down. He grabbed her by the shoulder to flip her over, bringing her ass up to the edge of the bed, where he was standing.

"No one can have you (Y/N), no one but me. You are mine, always were, and always will be. I am the only person in your life, the only man in your bed, the only cock between your legs. Completely and crudely mine."

With the statement, he spat some saliva on his hand and rubbed it over his dick, lubricating it enough to enter her relatively easily. She cried out, still dizzy from his technique and angry at the situation.

It was painful at first, with little moisture helping the cause and a lot of anger involved. Shisui hovered over her neck, biting down hard on the sensitive area as if seeking to pierce it with his teeth.

Rage added spice to their encounter, Shisui taking her from behind like an animal, not even bothering to prep her beforehand. Each thrust was a declaration of power, and moans soon erupted from (Y/N)'s mouth. Whether she disliked his methods or not, a part of her loved to be taken roughly, with no qualms about her position.

When her pussy was red-hot from such brutal treatment, Shisui dropped to his knees and put his tongue to work. He ate every inch of her surface, pausing slowly and painfully on the parts which made her whimper in pain. The whole area was compromised by his lack of gentleness, and any interaction with his saliva produced a burning sensation.

Of course, pleasure always won out.

(Y/N) was driven again and again to her peak, intercalating between Shisui's cock and tongue at a pace her sanity could not keep up with. Having been spent about three times without stopping, he rolled her over again, for her to lie on her back. The ninja climbed over her body to sit on her chest, fucking her mouth at a ferocious rate.

"That's right (Y/N), all mine. Your mouth, your pussy, your whole body is fucking mine. I'm the only one who can do whatever the hell he wants with you."

His pace alternated between overwhelming and passive, nonchalantly humping her mouth with violence, then slowing down and letting her breathe. At each halt, he whispered profanities in her ear, knowing they would make her shudder.

At a certain point, he stopped completely, staring into her eyes and enjoying her destroyed image.

"Say it, or I'm not going to stop. You have one chance before I make you choke on my cock."

"Wha-a-at do yo-ou want to he-ear...?"

“C’mon now, you know exactly what I want.”

“N-n-o I do-on’t…”

"Very well then."

He quickened his thrusts to the point where his shaft found itself deep in her throat, causing saliva to ooze from her mouth and slide down her cheeks, along with her tears. Gagging was uncontrollable, and her eyes were unfocused. Her back tried to arch off the bed, seeking to generate space between Shisui and her tongue, but it was not possible with his weight on her chest.

After what felt like an eternity, and on the verge of passing out, he disconnected from her mouth, slapping his dick over her lips, dragging it across her face.

"Look at you (Y/N), all trashed and messy for me. You know what I need, just say it, admit how you enjoy my cock, how you love it when I destroy your little pussy. Say it out loud, and this will be over soon."

"Shi-i-i-isui please!"

"I see we're still fighting, if that's the way you want it, that's the way you have it."

He proceeded to sink his hips against her face, making her swallow the fullness of his cock, letting his balls rest against her lower lip. He held out in that position for a good minute, proud that his little whore had learned not to bite him, after much impact training.

As a reward, and when he noticed her face turning red from lack of air, he agreed to pull away just enough to allow her to utter the words he wanted to hear from her.

"I-I'm yours, Shisui! I-I lo-ove the way yo-ou fuck m-ee and I ne-eed your c-c-cock inside me!".

"Such a good girl... here goes your reward."

He resumed his previous actions with an overwhelming but sustainable pace, allowing (Y/N) to breathe between thrusts, letting her enjoy the feel of his shaft in her mouth. It didn't take much longer for Shisui to reach his peak, coming down ferociously and filling her throat with thick cum.

(Y/N) swallowed it whole, not losing a drop along the way, knowing that would be cause for consequences.

After catching his breath, and fetching a wet cloth in order to clean her messy face, he laid down next to her, taking her by the waist and pressing her against his chest.

"Almost perfect, (Y/N). We just need to work on your attitude a little more. You'll see, you'll be a perfect obedient wife in no time."

[alienatedtsuki]

NaruSasu/SasuNaru, but they are smol (genin and younger) Part III

It's All In The Kiss (And Bondage) by Dhampir (Dhampire) @dhampir17 Sasuke never looked at Naruto as anything more than an annoyance like all his other peers, but a kiss and a little bondage, is about to change all that. - Sasuke thinks Naruto proposed to him with a kiss and then bondage in less than 72 hours. He stalks Naruto for a bit, understands that they are not so different and that he quite likes a blond(Sasuke likes this little sunshine A LOT). No smut, just kisses. (Writing is fantastic, but you should know that already if you've read Secret Love; if you haven't read it yet - go ahead and read it!) SasuNaru/NaruSasu | Protective Sasuke | yandere Sasuke | Smart Naruto | Fluff | Engagement | Love Confessions | Puppy Love | First Kiss | Sakura Bashing (48,522)

Shinobi Always Follow the Rules by SasuNarufan13 Little seven-year-old Sasuke has a very important task to accomplish if he wants to stay together with his best friend: ask Naruto's dad, the feared Hokage, for his son's hand in marriage! - I love this trope a lot, A LOT. Super sweet and cute, serious Sasuke asks Minato's permission to marry Naruto. SasuNaru/NaruSasu | Puppy love | Tooth-Rotting Fluff | Engagement (3,131)

The Way to a Man's Heart by littledust Sasuke has no idea how to woo Naruto. - Sasuke doesn't know how to ask Naruto out, but there is no need for this. SasuNaru/NaruSasu | Puppy love | Tooth-Rotting Fluff (711)

[matchstixx]

It's a beautiful day and I am a horrible goose.

So chapter 5 of ‘The People We Think We Know’ is almost done so don't worry, but I’ve had a brain worm for a one or two-shot Iruka x Reader that is the oblivious!Sunshine x infatuated!Grumpy trope, with the Reader being the Grumpy one of the two that goes something like this:

Reader is tall (like 6'4"/1.94m) and intimidating (with a heavy RBF)

To give you an idea of how they would seem intimidating with their height, most of the Konoha shinobi are about 5'10"/1.78m or shorter

(For ref: Iruka is 5'10"/1.78m, Kakashi is 5'11"/1.81m, Guy is 6'/1.84m)

Reader is seen as pretty desirable by other shinobi. There are a lot of people that have tried to woo them, but they have been generally uninterested

Reader hadn’t met Iruka yet since they primarily take a lot of high-ranking escort missions outside of Konoha

Meets Iruka for the first time at a large jounin/chuunin mixer at a bar:

Iruka: Hi, it’s lovely to meet you! *big, sweet smile* Reader (internally): Oh…I guess I need to go buy a ring now.

Reader shows some interest in him, chatting him up some and subtly asks him on a date

After Iruka leaves, Reader takes a nonchalant sip of their drink and just blankly says: I’m gonna fuck that man

Everyone loses it:

Anko is whooping and starts chugging everyone’s drinks Kurenai is shaking Asuma back and forth Asuma spat his drink all over the table Kakashi is mentally blue-screening Gai is…well being Gai Kotetsu and Izumo are screaming Genma nearly swallows his senbon toothpick

Then everyone is like why Iruka?:

Reader: ????? 1. Financially responsible 2. Stable job 3. Great with kids 4. Mentally and emotionally mature 5. Good moral compass 6. Didn’t try to woo me when we first met Ergo: perfect man

Reader starts to go on dates with Iruka, but Iruka thinks they are just hangouts:

Iruka (internally): Ah, there’s no way this successful, kickass, and amazing person would be interested in someone like me. Reader (with a wedding ring burning a hole in their pocket): No, no, you aren't boring me and I have nothing to do today (is absolutely shirking the thing they're supposed to be doing today). Please, tell me more about how you developed Konoha’s early development program for our child education system on your own.

If there is a parent or someone bothering Iruka, Reader will just come up from behind Iruka’s shoulder and glare at the person with an intimidating “is there something wrong here?”

Reader absolutely is the one to propose first:

Iruka: We haven’t even dated yet! Reader (still on one knee with the ring out): All of our hangouts have been dates. Iruka: ??? No they weren’t–…WAIT A MINUTE

Just overall, the Gomez and Morticia Addams dynamic, but Reader is Gomez and Iruka is Morticia

[dark-elf-writes]

Okay so I thought you were gonna go 'Naruto turns up when he's 18 with flowers and asks Itachi to marry him' but that led to me thinking... What if Naruto just is swearing he is going to marry him, and proposes all the time. Like the first time he's 3 and just found out about marriage and love and stuff and obviously asks the coolest person he knows to marry him. But he gets told he's too young, so he keeps asking as he's growing up but still gets all the excuses/bribes to get him to do better like 'it's not legal' 'I am only going to marry the best shinobi in the world' 'I am only going to marry someone who eats all their vegetables' ect. So at 18, Naruto is like 'I can legally ask you to marry me now' and Itachi gets all red and doesn't have anymore excuses except 'I wouldn't marry someone I've not dated yet' and that's when Naruto asks him out. ❤️ I want it so bad to be reciprocal/ a running joke. I can't decide what would be funnier, Naruto continuing to propose at the most random intervals and Itachi. Surprising him and saying yes out of the blue. Or Itachi proposing for once.

You know what yes.

After years of constant proposals and being turned down because of his age or other factors, the reason that the whole wooing plan starts is because Itachi said he could only marry someone after they dated and Naruto took that and decided to be the best boyfriend the world has ever seen because that is what Itachi deserves.

And at first Itachi is going along with it because it’s been a running thing for so long that it’s kind of hard not to. And he does care for Naruto. How couldn’t he after years of the kid on his heels looking at him like he hung the stars? Then somewhere along the line Itachi starts to fall for him too and realizes oh he is absolutely in trouble, because Naruto isn’t that kid anymore. Isn’t just Sasuke’s little friend. He’s funny and kind and thoughtful. He’s beautiful and deadly and one of the best Shinobi Itachi has ever seen.

Why not both? Like Naruto proposes again and Itachi is like “Yeah okay I will.”

And Naruto’s brain shuts down for a second because this is everything he has ever wanted and he couldn’t have possible have heard that right, so all that comes out is a weak “Huh?”

And itachi laughs, turning to Naruto and smirking at him. “Will you marry me, Naruto Uzumaki?”

Once Naruto can scrape his jaw off the floor and/or get his tongue out of Itachi’s mouth he is going to scream his new engagement from the damn rooftops.

[operaghostnocturne]

Hello! Regulus here.

You may be wondering where I've been.

Stuck in the depression cycle.

Long story short, a combination of Art School Bullshit, Covid, an abusive boss, and no job or housing security, led to a pretty bad mental health situation. Plus moving back in with my parents. Not a safe living environment for me, but I didn't really have a choice. Cuz I wanted to try mental health meds, and have a history of intrusive thoughts. In the unalive direction.

My intrusive thoughts are the boy with the horn. And I am the girl covering her ears.

I ended up in a pretty bad burnout too. I ended up stuck in a very judgemental and harsh mental state when I did art. Mostly due to art school bullshit. Lotta teachers and students ragged on my work for being digital, and DnD esc. I ended up internalizing a bunch of what people said. It's been a slow journey getting back to even being able to do sketches.

So! 4 meds, one service dog, consistent therapy, and a better living situation, I'm starting to get back to the point where I can do art again. Woo!

So what about this project? Well! I'm still a Phantom of the Opera Nerd. I actually went to the Broadway Production last February before it closed. That was amazing. Anywho, I absolutely want to continue working on this!

Buuuuut. There's been a slight shift in the way I am thinking about it, and want to do it. As in. What if Phantom of the Opera? But in Dungeons and Dragons?

I'm currently throwing the idea of making a short campaign/one shot out of this story. Or writing something based on DND elements.

A thing to note: I'm not 100% back. I'm working on this, and also trying to deal with wildly fluctuating mental health states. I'm also working on other things. See my main blog for my obsession with Critical Role and Avatar (Cameron.) I'll share sketches if I make them.

Mostly just wanted to let you guys know I'm still alive and haven't forgotten about this project.

Thanks for reading.

Here is a picture of the aforementioned service dog. Her name is Tarot Moondrop Esmeralda Phoenix Shinobi Blused-Marshmallow Diva Cooper. Nocturne (pronounced noct turn neigh. Cuz I only found out recently that that Isn't How that word is pronounced.)

[desnayy]

Third MC for Mata Aetara woo! @mata-aetara-if

Name: Naoya Matsumura (松村 ナオヤ)

Gender and Pronouns: Nonbinary, he/him

Sexuality: Bisexual

Chakra Affinity: Fire (yes, really)

Weapons: Kunai, shurikan, tekko-kagi

Summoned Animal: Boar

Romance: Asahi, Inoru or Chai

More About Him: Self-confident and absolute menace, Naoya is one of the most difficult people to befriend, mostly because of how intimidating he seems, despite being a solid 4'11 and baby-faced. This is because he is incredibly tempermental, being easy to provoke into a rage, not to mention incredibly stubborn. He tends to be sarcastic and is rarely genuine or polite with strangers, unless said stranger is an authority figure.

When with the people he cares for, Naoya becomes softer, which can almost fool outsiders into thinking he's a nicer person than he is. He tends to be very protective of the people he's let in to his heart, unfortunately to a self-sacrificial degree. In terms of romance, he is oblivious to both other feelings for him and his own feelings towards other people. When he does process flirting at him, he will get very flustered and stumble over his words, getting blushy and hiding his face in his scarf.

Fun Facts:

Pinterest here

When written as "直矢", his first name means "straight arrow". His last name means "pine tree village".

His father owns an okonomiyaki restuarant

Skilled in taijutsu, and is the one most likely to figure out how to increase his strength using chakra without help

Absolutely loves summer and especially festivals

Mission outfit is a dark green changshan-like top with long sleeves under a brown zip-up jacket with short sleeves, dark grey sweatpant-like pants, dark blue shinobi sandals, a light green short scarf, and his forehead protector as a bandana

Casual outfit is a black turtleneck top with elbow length sleeves under a dark green hoodie, dark grey shorts, and black shinobi sandals

Finds the fact that people think he uses Earth style because of the colors of his clothes funny

Terrible bedside manner but surprisingly good medic

Does have slight arsonist tendancies

Likes roasted chestnuts and fruit

Knows flower language

[some-say-kosm]

top 5 soulsborne bosses 🥰

Hiiii gio ❤ it's downright impossible to narrow it down to only 5 so i'm doing a top 10 fuck u

1. Ludwig the accursed / The holy blade

Pristine gameplay, cool lore, spectacular music, the PRESENTATION in both cutscenes?? Truly doesn't get better than this.

2. Father Gascoigne

Thee best tutorial boss in the series don't @ me. This bossfight marks the moment i fell in love with BB <3 Also we don't talk about his daughters' quest.

3. Lady Maria

Peak tragic fromsoft character. The way each phase blends into the next one as she gets more and more desperate to stop you is amazing both gameplay-wise and from a characterization perspective. Also i am gay for her.

4. Artorias

Hey it's the blorbo in law! Another peak tragic character, plus this fight is soo fun <3 Very challenging but never unfair and soo fast-paced, my man living in ds3 while everyone else is stuck in ds1.

5. Ornstein & Smough

The way fromsoft created the perfect double bossfight in the first dark souls and then went "aight that's it. you're never getting this level of quality again lol". Slay.

6. Darkeater Midir

Finally a good fucking dragon fight...... but also shoutout to my beloved Kalameet, like ik midir is objectively better but i love kalameet and felt bad not mentioning him :(

7. Mohg lord of blood

Nihil nihil NIHIL 🩸

8. Great shinobi Owl

Tbh it's a toss-up between him and Genichiro but ultimately i have to give points for parricide big fan of parricide <3

9. Sif

Oupy........ 🥺

10. Micolash

Ok HEAR ME OUT. He has no buisness being in the top 10 but i'm sick and tired of people calling him a bad boss!!!! He is FUN the atmosphere is EERIE he goes WOO when he jumps thru the mirror what more do u want....

[daeva-agas]

I am playing Sakuya route in SLBP (mostly for the reward) and I wonder, where Nobunaga hatred toward ninjas comes from? This is like the 3rd game where he shows his disdain towards them. Can you explain why? Because I'm curious.

Oh no, it's that thing again.

Remind me what are the other ones. Is it Ninja Love? Nightshade? Non-otome games?

Anyway, this is a huge rant and IDK, could clog up people's dash so I will put it behind a cut.

I probably shouldn't say these about Japanese people writing about their own history and legends, but I hate this stupid "Nobunaga hates ninjas" trope, so my very grumpy answer is:

BECAUSE STUFFY CORPORATE SUITS ARE SO TERRIFIED OF CHANGE AND CAN'T BE ASSED TO TRY NEW THINGS. IF BULLSHIT TROPES STILL MAKE MONEY, THEN BY GOD THEY WILL KEEP MAKING IT UNTIL JESUS RETURNS.

And I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that they're doing this because "it's a trope that people seems to like", and not because they're just running off "I saw it in an anime/manga/novel/movie once" and never bother to Yahoo search it or open a book about it.

(I'm not all that mad anymore, but like, I will still go AAAAAAAAAAA every time it comes up)

"Nobunaga hates ninja" is a long-standing trope that's been around for decades in Japan. The oldest one I was able to find is this movie series called "Shinobi no Mono". Maybe there's something older, I don't know.

It's a historical fact that the Oda did invade Iga. However, there is so many context for it. Among many other things... one record says it's actually the people of Iga who sicced Nobunaga ON THE PROVINCE THEMSELVES.

It ended up being transformed into a "Nobunaga hates ninja" plotline because the above historical fact is being combined with the long-standing legend that "Iga is a place where ninjas live".

Also, in the 60s and 70s there’s this like... movement where people are really disgruntled at the government, and so because they can’t flat out write works about how much they hate the Japanese government of the time, they just write stuff about peasant heroes or vigilantes fighting against evil samurai lords as a way to vent their frustrations. Nobunaga being one of the easiest character to caricaturise because it’s not like the “evil stuff” they make him do is entirely wrong. The facts are just taken out of context and twisted for the sake of fiction. Evil/demonic/horrible Nobunaga as a trope in general seems to be relatively new from this era too, since Edo and Meiji works seems to present Nobunaga is an admirable heroic figure.

(well, they wrote about him doing kinda mean things, but it’s presented in a way that makes it sound like the writers think it’s “something that just happens” and not a big deal/not an entirely negative thing)

In real life there is no such thing as "sekrit ninjer village uwu", so honestly, if the above account is true, then it's possible that there's in-fighting among the people of Iga. It's what happens with the Saika people. Suzuki (Saika) Magoichi surrendered to Nobunaga and then some time later makes a request for the Oda army to come in and destroy this one guy he really hates.

If the story about the Iga folks inviting Nobunaga in themselves is actually false, I’ve not seen any other explanation for it yet, but I still think Nobunaga invading Iga is just business as usual. At the time of the Iga invasion, the surrounding provinces are already conquered, leaving Iga as this one tiny hole in the middle of what is technically "Oda territory". Maybe Nobunaga thinks this hostile province could cause problems in the surrounding regions, so he wants them gone. It's no different than, say, Nobunaga fighting a war against the Takeda and conquering them.

It's not even Nobunaga in command of the army (as far as reliable records go), so any depiction of Nobunaga personally leading his army into Iga is garbage. He sent one of his sons and a few generals to go off and fight, while he himself only comes in for inspection after everything's cleaned up.

The standard reasoning in bullshit Sengoku trope/fiction is that Nobu just doesn't trust woo woo shit, and only wants to do things the "legit" way (with soldiers and stuff). Ninja is considered woo woo because of their “secret arts”, and because they’re usually depicted as having no lords/masters but themselves, I guess he is wary of them rebelling against him or something.

Funny thing is, even if you actually buy into the ninjas thing, supposedly even the “guidebook of ninjas”, the Bansenshukai, says that the Oda has ninjas, so “Nobunaga hates ninjas” is just silly all around. Bansenshukai is this book supposedly detailing ninja clans and secret techniques and whatever, written in the 1600s, by one of the Fujibayashi descendants (IDK Sakuya’s grandkids I guess) 

[thybirbman]

[vibrates in place] YES!!11!!!!1

Maybe it's Tobirama's responsibility to, if not catch the rogue Hatake himself, at least tell the clan that "ayo, we got a feral cousin, come get your mans" bc u can pry "Hatake are extremely possessive to other Hatake bc mmm pack" from my Cold. Dead. Hands. Another Hatake headconon u can pry from my cold dead hands is "Hatake's aren't meant to be alone, so they go a lil bit crazy if they don't got pack around". Which gives you a great way out from Kakashi being a suspicious motherfucker!

So people keep hitting Tobirama up bc hey, u got a lookalike that's fucking shit up everywhere and also fucking stole our kids maybe?!?! Dude! Not cool! And he's like "oh hell nah" and almost immediately sets out to go visit granny Kama (scythe, I know, incredibly basic of me) and when he gets there, he tells her all about this supposed Hatake that's causing problems and apparently stealing kids? Like shinobi kids. Real weird, maybe your reputation is getting even worse-

Granny Kama, Grandma Supreme, Head of the Hatake, Absolutely Terrifying Woman, smacks some sense into her grandkid.

First off, no judging family, you always have your family's back and give them the benefit of the doubt, especially with all the Hatake hate from all the boring stupid outsiders. So if there's a Hatake going crazy out there, you better sympathize.

Second off, stealing kids? Feral behavior. Clearly, this Hatake is in the middle of dying from mental health issues bc Hatake don't survive without pack, so this Hatake literally grasping at straws to not die, aka stealing people who could easily become pack. Again, sympathize and you're gonna offer your help or I will feed you to my wolf partner.

Third off, any kid, especially any shinobi kid, that's been stolen clearly weren't being protected enough and therefore the kids now legally belong to the Hatake, unless someone wants to challenge that? .... didn't think so.

Fourth off, you know, you don't have any kids, Tobi-chan, and no Hatake living with you in the Senju compound, and you barely visit, so maybe this is a sign from the gods that you should woo this mysterious Hatake and nurse them back to healt-

And that's about where Tobirama very rudely stands up, gives her a hug, and then leaves without another word (at least, it feels rude, but the Hatake don't really care about politeness, so it's not rude at all, he gave her a hug, that's the only part that would've been mean to not do).

Meanwhile, Kakashi is running through a forest with three kids that are barely keeping up and a fourth kid in his arms that he didn't have five minutes ago bc he has little to no self control. But he definitely does not at all have any problem with adoption or needing a pack or anything at all, really. He is so healthy.

A Great Fireball flies by over their heads.

So, so healthy.

Team 7 gets zapped into the warring states era but it's like, team 7 either mid or directly after wave-arc.

They're babies!! They're untrained little babies!!! None of them have gotten that good good character development yet!! Kakashi is still actively desperately wanting to not teach them!! (tho he may have just gotten his "ahh fuck. I actually have to teach them, huh." Moment)

Sasuke looks like a carbon copy of a younger Izuna and it's going to cause problems

Naruto thankfully doesn't look much like an Uzumaki, but his tendency to very loudly introduce himself is going to get him into trouble

Going w my usual flavor of "the Hatake are a very small but very famous clan known for being fucking insane", people are seeing Kakashi and going "oh god oh fuck what are one of THOSE guys doing here oh sage preserve us please don't eat me" as Kakashi just kinda stands there like 🧍‍♂️

Sakura is the only one safe from not being fucked up and over her clan, good for her!

-> back to the Hatake thing.

The kids still know virtually nothing about their sensei so they're learning all this stuff about his clan and believing every word of it, from the believable rumors to the insane.

Sakura, in a hushed, worried voice: "Sensei,, is it true ur clan eats people??"

Kakashi, who's father died before he could tell him almost anything about their clan and genuinely doesn't know but at this point is starting to get a little worried about it:

Kakashi, who also never passes up the opportunity to fuck with someone: "only stupid little students who ask stupid little questions <3"

Sakura and Sasuke: *worriedly look at a confused Naruto*

For convoluted reasons they run into the Hatake of the era and after introductions they look at the kids and are like,

"Oh!!! Ok, so this is your kid, right? :)" pointing at Sakura.

And Kakashi is like. ",,no."

"Ohhh, ok. So this one is your kid then?" *points at Naruto*

",,,,,,,,no."

They look at him confused then nod at Sasuke. "So then that one's your kid, right?"

"None of them are my children."

*visibly disapproving / disbelieving side eye*

One big difference between this and the team ro time travel one is how much less trustworthy Kakashi comes off to literally everyone who looks at him.

He's a trained adult shinobi, probable bloodline thief (with no way to prove his innocence), and he has 3 children from 3 different clans (2 of which are indirectly enemies bc the Uzumaki is a Senju ally) (1 of which might have a direct relation to the Uchiha main house) and comes from an infamously volatile "wild clan" from another country entirely (Iron country)

He is NOT getting out of this with talk no jutsu bullshit. He has a target on his back from day 1 and it will take a minor miracle to get even a single person hear him out

Anyways uhh—

Saying Tajima and Butsuma are still alive but due to die in some months (till team 7 accidentally interfere and somehow accidentally save Tajima, maybe also Butsuma but I'm more biased towards Tajima so I'm thinking just him actually)

Kakashi sees baby Kagami and feels like he's been hit by a truck bc he looks just like a miniature Shisui and he has hang-ups about his "suicide"

Half-Hatake Tobirama is catching HEAT from Kakashi's antics. Why does one of ur cousins have a sharingan. Where did he get those children. Do you know anything about this. Is it your duty to help hunt him down bc hes your blood. If not yours then it's definatley the Hatake's, call them immediately and tell them to clean up their mess.

Bloodline theft is like THE ultimate no-no for all shinobi, especially in this era. To the point that even ancient enemies will sometimes temporarily set aside grudges to kill bloodline theives. Kakashi is so fucked, someone get him out of there

Mmmm there are like still bits and pieces of thoughts floating around in my head for this but I can feel myself getting distracted and want to get back to art fight so I'll leave it here for now