#to uncreate you

[distraughtmary]

To Uncreate You. Chapter 1 and the synopsis

The Synopsis

After discovering that he is capable of magic, Dmitry is forced to enrol into the only magic school in Siberia that has a place even for a university graduate such as him. However, Dmitry appears to only possess destructive powers, failing to recreate his very first act of magic that brought something unusual into the world, and has to sign up for individual classes with a fellow named Valera, whose magic is prone to creating things out of nothing. Dmitry, on his arduous path to making sense of his potential, crosses ways with Egor, who is too curious about Dima and too eager to make friends with him… or something more. Meanwhile, the magic school harbours too many secrets that do not mesh well with Dmitry’s, and staying true to himself will be a challenge even with the support of new and old friends.

Chapter 1

The Zayeltsovskaya metro station was unnervingly silent when it should have been bustling with people desperate to catch the last train. The old-fashioned lamps that once had been considered futuristic barely lit the platform and its sole occupant, who was standing at the first mark indicating where a train’s door would open. It was a young man in a dark-blue parka and a nondescript black hat, his face covered with a black surgical mask only to reveal thin brows and piercing green eyes. They happened to be fixated at the screen with numbers above the train tunnel, and the red digits, indicating that it was 11.40pm, suggested that it had been twenty minutes since the latest train had passed the station. The implication made the man nervously shuffle his feet and reach for his smartphone for the umpteenth time to check if the issue had made the local news as every single inconvenience in Novosibirsk tended to do, but the outlets were silent on the matter.

A metro attendant, who had been hiding in one of the security booths, noticed the man’s singular and suspicious presence and trotted towards him, her hand in a firm grip of the black baton.

‘Young man,’ she said, slightly out of breath. ‘Remove your mask and show me your ID immediately’.

The man hesitated upon seeing that the woman had no mask herself and could easily pass “the zaraza” to him, but decided to do as she said, perhaps out of fear of getting involved with the Russian police that rarely let one go unpunished. He unpeeled the mask, exposing a meadow of freckles covering his face and sharp nose in particular, rosy cheeks, their color emphasized by those freckles, and a soft mouth twisted in subtle annoyance. The attendant might have been within her right to demand what she had done, but it did not make the situation any more pleasant. Then the man rummaged in his leather bag, which dangled dangerously close to the station’s polished mirror-like platform, and produced his maroon ID, preemptively open at his personal information page. The woman snatched it from him hungrily and started reading aloud.

‘Angarskiy Dmitry Alexandrovich, born on the 31th of December, year 2000, male. The photo appears to match face… Well, Dmitry Alexandrovich, it must be nice to have your birthday on the same day as New Year’s Eve. Now, let’s see…’

The attendant turned over the page to look at Dmitry’s place of registration, which made him tense.

‘Aha! Dmitry Alexandrovich, you live exactly above this station, so what business do you have taking the last train away from your house?’ she said triumphantly, having found exactly what she needed to apprehend the guy, at least in her dutiful mind.

Dmitry’s face tightened at the question, as it made too much sense, and nothing he could say would make the tenacious woman reconsider. He straightened himself and prepared to babble some nonsense about having a relative around the Karl Marx station (which he actually did according to his grandma, but he did not even know her name), but the salvation came in the form of a sound of someone skipping down the stairs, and the attendant’s attention immediately shifted to another phantom enemy of the state. Her adversary was a guy who was apparently undaunted by the Siberian winter, his black hair messily waving around the hatless head. His clothes looked obscenely light for the weather, and Dmitry could not help but notice that his zipper was undone, but fortunately for all of them, the jeans appeared to have enough fabric inside to cover anything indecent. Before the guy could reach the platform, the lady attendant was there at the foot of the stairs, ready to grab him, and Dmitry hastily adjusted his mask and was about to leave through the other entrance equipped with escalators. Out of nowhere, a female voice announced the arrival of the long-awaited train, and just as Dmitry was arriving at the fateful decision, the new guy whispered something into the attendant’s ear that made her look satisfied and hopped to a spot next to him. The woman remained indifferent despite such a breach of discipline and re-entered her booth, presumably to spend the rest of the night there.

‘Are you here for the school, too?’ the guy asked cheerily, his teeth too white for the gloomy station. Dmitry looked at him closer, discovering azure eyes and a curved nose with a small mole on it as well thin lips and unattended stubble that somehow complimented the handsome face. While Dmitry was bracing himself to say a simple ‘yes’, a train’s rumble became audible, and the poor fellow’s answer was completely drowned out by the vehicle’s stopping shriek. The doors opened, and both men entered an empty car, which was not surprising for the starting station in the line but still felt eerie.

Dmitry took a seat next to the door while the other guy just grabbed the horizontal iron bar and situated himself over Dmitry, clearly intent on continuing the conversation.

‘So, I didn’t hear you, are you going to the school?’ he asked again, less cheerily and less teethy.

‘Yes,’ Dmitry replied curtly through the mask, his voice distorted, not willing to engage himself in a talk with another person, not matter how charming they might be.

‘Great. I’m Egor, by the way. I had to take a bus from Rodniki and was almost late. Ugh, when are they going to build a new damn station? The third city in the whole country, and some of us still feel like we live on the outskirts,’ the guy complained in a rapid breath, his left hand mimicking his indignation.

‘Yeah,’ Dmitry managed another short reply and started reaching for his smartphone.

‘Hey, what’s your name? And you could remove that mask, I’m vaccinated, you know,’ Egor said, a hint of discontent in his voice.

‘And I’m not,’ Dmitry retorted, equally vexed.

‘Are you one of those anti-vax people? Or do you think magic will protect you from germs because that’s definitely not the case,’ the guy said patronizingly, further annoying Dmitry. He no longer looked as pleasant as the first impression had suggested.

‘That’s none of your business, and can you get off my case, please? There’s plenty of room in this car, you don’t have to stand here and waste your precious time on the likes of me,’ Dmitry said, finally getting hold of his smartphone. He took it out and started swiping his fingers aggressively over the protected surface, completely ignoring the other guy.

‘Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize… You could be one of those exemption cases. Ok, I’m a dummy, but at least tell me your name, pretty please? We are going to study together, and I don’t want any bad blood between us,’ Egor said apologetically, his face awfully similar to that of a puppy.

‘Dmitry,’ he replied, not taking his eyes off the smartphone.

‘Nice to meet you,’ Egor said politely. ‘Can I call you Dima?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you aren’t my friend and you aren’t doing a great job of making me want to do anything with you,’ Dmitry replied exasperatedly, his fingers still spidering over the smartphone’s screen.

‘I did save you from that woman, didn’t I? I heard the commotion from the turnstiles hall and climbed down the stairs as fast as I could,’ Egor smiled, seemingly proud of himself.

Dmitry raised his eyes, the smartphone suddenly forgotten.

‘What did you tell her?’ he asked, half-curiously. ‘I doubt it was a simple “oh you look beautiful tonight.”’

‘I used some of manipulation magic, looked up the spells online. I hadn’t tried them before that little trick, but it worked, and everyone was happy,’ Egor said smugly. ‘Why didn’t you use your magic, I bet you already know a spell or two.’

‘I thought we weren’t supposed to use magic,’ Dmitry shrugged. ‘I’d rather learn first and then start casting spells around, not really knowing what they do.’

‘Sure, but this private Telegram chat I found was the real deal. I only tried some minor stuff, like how to light a candle by just looking at it. So you didn’t do any experiments at all?’

‘Nope,’ Dmitry replied. ‘Granny has some books on magic back from the USSR, but nothing I read there was really useful, and I wasn’t about to call myself a God’s slave or worse to make them work.’

‘Heh, such books are mostly bogus, trust me. So, you know anything about that school?’ Egor asked, trying to change the subject.

‘Well, it’s near my uni, judging by the address, the same street, but I never saw the building itself and I have no idea why we have to use the last train to reach it through some secret tunnel,’ Dmitry said, crossing his legs and trying not to kick Egor in the process, although the desire was more or less burning.

While they were deep in the conversation, the train kept going, making no stops during all that time. The next one was the Lenin Square station, as the female announcer had proclaimed to no one in particular.

‘Do you mean the teacher’s uni? What are you studying there?’ Egor asked, surprised.

‘I already graduated, and I wasn’t interested in doing my Masters, not that I had the money anyway. Still, they told me to wait until the next year, build up my portfolio, but with this magic thing that’s out of the window, I guess. And I was studying history… well, to be a history teacher’ Dmitry replied, suddenly talkative.

Egor’s face brightened at the success of making his previously unwilling partner-in-magic talk, and he started firing off ever more questions.

‘Teacher, huh? And history, wow. Never liked that one, but mad respect to you, bro,’ Dmitry flinched at that comment but decided not to say anything. ‘So you like teach at a public school or something? Kinda funny that you’re about to be a student again.’

‘No, I don’t work at school, basically nobody does after graduating, and don’t ask me why, I have my reasons,’ Dmitry said, brushing aside the potential comments to follow.

‘Ok, ok, so what do you do for living then? You must have a job, especially in this economy.’

‘Well, what do YOU do?’ Dmitry retorted, starting to get annoyed again. ‘I can’t be the only one spilling my guts here.’

‘I graduated from the NSU, majored in… physical informatics, I know, I know, it sounds weird, but that’s what I studied,’ Egor glanced at Dmitry, expecting laughter or derision, but the latter only raised his eyebrows at the strange name. ‘I got a job at a reputable organization, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to juggle both the job and the magic studies, and you can’t really opt out of the magic thing once it manifests.’

Egor sounded quite regretful when he said that, and Dmitry felt a bit sorry for him despite their rocky start.

‘My so-called job is nothing to write home about, and I don’t want to say what it is because it’s shameful, but I think I’ll manage to do it together with my studies, and even if I don’t, my brother said he’d take care of the family, so…’ Dmitry trailed off, not caring that he had revealed another goldmine for Egor to dig into.

‘Oh, you have a brother? Who is he? Does he know about your gift?’ the guy inquired excitedly, accidentally removing his right hand from the iron bar and almost falling straight into Dmitry.

‘Hey, careful, curious Varvara,’ Dmitry said, not unkindly. ‘I don’t really want to talk about my brother now. It’s… complicated.’

‘You are complicated,’ said Egor with a grin. ‘Well, does he have the same eyes as you, at least? I kinda like them even though they’ve been judging me ever since we passed the Gagarinskaya station.’

‘What in the…,’ Dmitry gasped at the out-of-nowhere compliment, his masked cheeks flushed, but then a new announcement drew their attention.

‘Switching to the Oktyabrskaya line,’ an unknown male voice said, a contrast with a typical feminine announcer.

‘Oktyabrskaya line? That doesn’t exist in the city,’ Egor said with suspicion.

‘We must be approaching our destination,’ Dmitry rationalized. ‘Magic isn’t supposed to exist either.’

‘You might have a po-,’ Egor was about to concede just as the train suddenly started gaining speed, sending him flying, this time not sparing Dmitry. His head landed on Dmitry’s chest, his hands circled Dmitry’s waist, and legs met legs.

‘God, I’m so so-,’ Egor tried to apologize and raised his hand to grab the vertical bar protruding from the seat’s thin armrest, but the train jerked hard, and his fingers fell on Dmitry’s face, awkwardly moving the mask down the frustrated guy’s nose.

‘Wow, I’ve never seen so many fre-,’ he unsuccessfully tried to finish his sentence, only to be interrupted by the train’s abrupt stop. Egor was forced to the left, but not before his fingers snatched the rest of the mask from Dmitry’s face, snapping one of the straps in the process. It helplessly fell to the seat, never to be used again, and Egor finally took a good look at Dmitry’s face.

‘You know, your eyes aren’t the only good thing about you,’ he said, half-sprawled on the car’s floor.

In return, Dmitry kicked him in the shins, causing the ‘ooh’ sound, and said, his voice no longer muffled by the mask:

‘You know, your zipper’s still undone.’

He stood up, stepped over Egor’s spindly legs, completely ignoring the guy’s embarrassed face and futile attempts at concealing the hole of indecency, where one could see a hint of the underwear, and walked through the gap left by the doors into the unknown.

Read the rest of the chapters on my website: https://danceonthebrink.wordpress.com

[crimeronan]

oh boy wait i DID just figure out how to integrate amity into the three-part fic. amity herself is still unlikely to appear but i sure can. invoke luz's admiration of her. for. bad horror purposes.

[movedto-clifflix]

your oc and doc would be cute together!☺️

ive been looking at this for so long trying to find a good response and all that came to my mind is that mephisto likes short men but that would a, be a lie (yk cuz ryad, olivier, buck and erik are rather tall men and only mozzie is schmol) and b, doc‘s a short ass .

it’s hurting me i can’t think of anything funny to respond .

[rasticore]

i think people have lost the plot on AI and instead made it into a boogeyman and gotten Reactionary

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Dialogue: Speech Acts

Speech Act - an utterance considered as an action, particularly with regard to its intention, purpose, or effect

EXAMPLES. This helps you track the emotions that structure a poem.

Acknowledging - "The darkness drops again, but now I know..."

Address - "Old trooper, I see your child's red crayon pass."

Admission - "Alas, 'tis true, I have gone here and there, And made myself a motley to the view"

Apology - "Sweet Love of youth, forgive, if I forget thee."

Banishing - "Hence, loathed Melancholy!"

Celebration - "I celebrate myself, and sing myself."

Claim - "Mine — by the Right of the White Election!"

Consolation - "Fear no more the heat o' the sun"

Definition - "Remorse — is Memory — awake —"

Description - "No cloud, no relique of the sunken day / Distinguishes the West."

Dialogue - "Does the road wind uphill all the way? / Yes, to the very end."

Dreaming - "I dream of the Ledaean body, bent / Above a sinking fire."

Exhortation - "Be shelled, eyes, with double dark / And find the uncreated light."

Imprecation - "For God's sake hold your tongue, and let me love."

Lament - "Alas! I have nor hope nor health."

Oath - "I will not harm her, by all saint I swear."

Plea - "Say, may I be for aye thy vassal blest?"

Prayer - "Mine, O thou Lord of life, send my roots rain."

Prophecy - "Therefore all seasons shall be sweet to thee."

Question - "Did he who made the Lamb make thee?"

Rebuttal - "Love's not Time's fool."

Reminiscence - "I was thy neighbor once, thou rugged Pile!"

Retraction - "But I am by her death (which word wrongs her) . . ."

Scorning - "How vainly men themselves amaze / To win the palm, the oak, the bays."

Vow - "Yes, I will be thy priest."

Source ⚜ More: Writing Notes & References

[fivrilio]

I just got this random idea with a SAGAU cult au with a creator who doesnt even care that they're the creator?? like-

mf be so carefree with the things happening and is so chillax with the acolytes

esp if the creator has a gen z personality, it will be one heck of a chaos.

"Your Holiness-"

"BRO- Y/N IS MY NAME."

or like

"Oh Holy One! my Savior and Blessed. The One who created this realm from scratch and pits of the endless void that was once the home of uncreated-"

"Yeaahhh... okay thats not very skibidi of you now."

creator!reader/player be so nonchalant about their role its almost concerning??

"Do you not understand the power you hold on us?" asked one of the acolytes.

"i do but likee... i no no wanna :("

"...what is 'i no no wanna?."

*Bursts out laughing*

esp also with the scary ones and the etiquette ones like Neuvi or Raiden? Creator would be so buddy buddy with them frfr

But who's to say they will deny the affection?

(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) Aesa ! Please don't copy, translate or steal my works ! Only inspired works are allowed.

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt behind the cut; "Tim's free cloning lab". (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“Red Robin’s commitment issues are his own problem, not mine. I’ve got a schedule to keep,” Luthor replies dismissively, then knocks back the last of his hopefully-actually-a-protein-shake-and-not-Bane-venom-or-something and gets to his feet, picking up his tablet again as he does. He does not seem concerned to be alone in a lab full of sharp objects and computers with two only negligibly-restrained Bats. Admittedly Luthor doesn’t tend to seem concerned during literal multiversal apocalypses, but Tim is vaguely insulted on principle. A multiversal apocalypse couldn’t do any worse than uncreate Luthor and everything he’s ever done in his life, after all. He could tank his stock prices and drive up all his insurance rates, and then make him have to live with it. 

A little respect isn’t that much to ask, is it? 

“Wow, called out by the supervillain,” Steph mutters to him under her breath. “The Metropolis supervillain, even.” 

“I do not have commitment issues,” Tim mutters back to her. 

“Yes you do, the issue is you commit yourself to somebody and then become an insane person about them but never actually mention the existence of said commitment to them,” she retorts frankly. 

“I do not–” 

“When did you go for the red and black suit again and how long did you stick with it?” 

“. . . we’re in a supervillain lair in Connecticut, I don’t have to answer that right now.” 

“Oh, so you will later?” 

“So anyway, new supervillain trap, how’s that going for you?” Tim asks Luthor. Steph snorts at him; he ignores her and all her baseless, ridiculous, baseless accusations that are definitely not currently reading him for absolute filth. “All coming together nicely, no tech issues? Because we could troubleshoot those for you while we’re waiting for extraction, no charge.” 

“The chemical breakdown of the necessary stabilizer you missed when you were cleaning out my old labs is laid out in file B-2.13, speaking of ‘troubleshooting’,” Luthor mentions, and Tim . . . pauses. 

“‘Stabilizer’,” he echoes carefully, and then glances around the sunroom lab. The sunroom cloning lab. 

The sunroom. 

Ah. 

That is probably a connection he should've made, like . . . literally instantly, yeah. 

“Oh my god, do you think you can actually convince Red Robin to make you another–wait, why do you even want Red Robin to make you another Superman or whatever, you did it better than he ever did,” Steph says, squinting in bewilderment at Luthor through her mask. Tim’s much more insulted this time, even if it’s objectively true that Kon is objectively–never mind. Luthor just looks dubious. 

“I don’t want another Superman, there are already far too many of those running around and being an issue as it is,” he snorts dismissively, waving her off. “And I’m willing to provide a useful little resource or two, of course, but it’s hardly traditional to have to make my own grandchildren, now is it. Besides, Supernova won’t be as annoyed about it if they come from you. Though I did include some potential design notes for your consideration in the C folder, of course. Streamlined the tactile telekinesis a bit, for starters. It really didn’t come out as effective as intended, unfortunately.” 

“Of course,” Tim echoes, perfectly aware of that one time that Kon took apart every single gun inside the exact city limits of Los Angeles and nothing else without even meaning to, and also that one time last week when he very much did mean to disassemble a bomb immediately after its trigger mechanism had been tripped, and did it so fast that it didn't detonate. 

So as politely as possible, that makes Luthor’s use of the word “effective” slipped in there a little mind-numbingly terrifying to consider. 

More than anything else, though, Tim really hopes that he’s just gone insane and hallucinated all this, because otherwise he’s going to have to write all this down in a report, and Steph will not lie for him about this one. 

Case in point: she is currently laughing her fucking ass off at him.

[whereismywizardhat]

I really think it's fascinating how Castlevania Nocturne goes out of it's way to show how much the hierarchies of power that seem as permanent as the earth beneath our feet are transient, impermanent things.

The Egyptian empires which worshipped Sekhmet have long since become dust and tombs. The Aztecs are gone, even if Olrox remains. The Sun-king has lost his head to the guillotine. Plantation owners that saw children born into bondage, grow up into adults bondage, then die in bondage have found themselves on the ashpile of history. Nothing created by people cannot be uncreated by people. Annette saying to a vampire and slaver that has been ranting about her place in the natural order that the true natural order is the sun rising and devouring the darkness, right as the morning sun rises and turns him to ashes. Her teacher telling her that humanity didn't come into this world with slaves and masters, that that came later.

It's so important to the story, so pointed, especially with how the season ended. The "divine" right of kings, bolstered by a priest who sold his soul to protect his own power and coming in the form of an immortal aristocrat. They would blot out the sun before admitting that their way of things was over.

Really makes you think about other structures built by humans that are allegedly too big to ever destroy. How true is that really?

[lotusmi]

3d is not proof of anything

You can tell me that you have no money, and I will ask to you, "how do you know you don't have money?" and maybe you will tell me "I just checked my bank account, I have no money".

But are you checking your bank account right now? No, you are not. Then you are imagining it, assuming that you don't have it.

Knowing Imagination creates reality, and that what you assume and identify as real is reflected, why you sustain limitations and lack in your mind?

You can Imagine and assume anything that you want. Do you want to be poor? I bet you not. Then free yourself in your mind to FEEL what you WANT to feel. REMOVE THE OUTER WORLD CIRCUMSTANCES. You are not forced to unknowlegde what you see with your mortal eyes as real, you can ignore and rewrite the history as you want it to be.

Now let me tell you, the whole world is imagined. Nothing you see with your mortal eyes is a fixed fact.

"If I can make something, I can unmake it. Whatever I can create, I can uncreate." NG

How can I create and uncreate? I dismiss what my senses tell me and I decide to be aware of what I want, knowing it is mine, I experience it. I cannot fail.

Don't take your circumstances to the mind, they are not real. You don't need to fight circumstances, that's not your business, they will be removed as you assume the end.

So if you see something in your world that you don't like, leave the world alone and change Self. Self is everything you identify yourself as being or having!

The confirmation that you have what you believe you have is in your Imagination, it NEVER was in the outerworld. You were always assuming that you had things, now you just assume you have things that you WANT.

If you still believe in what the senses shows you, you are not yet conviced that Imagination creates reality, not the other way around. When you believe it, you will know you are the master of your fate.

Don't sleep again, never forget this truth.

[haziells]

do you want to give up?

The other day I really realized and these words entered into me: "I am the goddess of my reality."

I had heard many times that the internal world generates the external world (4d=3d) and that you have to wait for the 3d to adjust/change, persist.

It gave me a headache thinking about having to wait to have what I want in my 3D and I decided that if I am the Goddess of my reality I can have it instantly and not wait or persist.

So that's what I did, I didn't wait a second, I just said 3 things that I wanted and that I don't give a shit about getting them but that I already have them and I'm not going to wait even half an hour to see them in my 3d reality.

So in just a few minutes I received the 3 things I asked for. I was really surprised, but that made me think, "I really am a goddess of my reality."

Don't limit God. Do you really realize all that we can do? All that we can achieve just by trusting that we have plenty of power and that we are the ones in charge?

Entré al vacío y conseguí todo lo que quería fácilmente, ¿ quieres saber cómo?

the day after doing that and really thinking about everything that goes into being a God and creating and uncreating everything I wanted in seconds, I really felt so powerful and confident in myself, I went for a sit down and thought "I'm going to enter the void state, because the void state is me, it's my conscience, I'm just me and there's nothing easier than being me." I felt physically tired because I had had many exams so I said "my body is going to sleep but I will go directly to my consciousness in its purest state"

I fell asleep, woke up in the void state, said I have everything I wrote on my "special sheet"

I woke up and seconds after realizing that at that moment I should have everything right there I saw how everything began to change around me, Yes, the 3D began to change and shape before my eyes, I almost died of fear, I'm not going to lie to you, I felt all the energy spinning and shaping, I felt such a big current inside me, as if a cascade of energy was flowing inside me and I was just floating, but it was all there, it was very strange for me, I didn't know that could happen.

I was a little paranoid the following days (actually this happened very recently and I have already felt better for a few days)

It was shocking to see that the third dimension is simply an illusion so easy to change, having witnessed that, I felt unrealized. I didn't know how to distinguish between what is real and what is not, but now I know how easy everything is and you have to know it too, believe in yourselves, just like I believed in myself, really.

When you have doubts about something, remember that you are gods in your reality and you know everything that being a God implies, how easy everything is.

I don't know how else to tell you to trust in yourselves, to believe everything, after what happens I don't see anything impossible, don't you either, just right now believe in the life you've always wanted.

[distraughtmary]

To Uncreate You. Chapter 14. Part 2

They talked about many things after the make-out session. Dmitry was surprised to learn that Egor shared his taste in obscure anime series and not-so-popular Nintendo games. Egor also shared that he could cook, to which Dmitry joked that he would be the one to do the cooking, not specifying what he meant in particular. Dmitry told Egor about his brother and the magic that had manifested him, and Egor kept fishing for more details.

‘Why are you so curious about this?’ Dmitry laughed, limply punching Egor in the right pec. ‘I told you I can’t make another one. You can’t have fun with two of me.’

‘Shut up,’ Egor sealed Dmitry’s lips with his fingers. ‘That’s not why I’m asking, but thanks for planting the idea in my head.’

‘Then why?’ Dmitry playfully licked Egor’s fingers, startling him.

‘There must be some solution to this,’ Egor licked his moist fingers in return, making Dmitry ruby. ‘But thinking is not my forte.’

They shared more affectionate and slightly suggestive gestures throughout the day, and eventually Egor fell asleep. Dmitry covered his body with a blanket and put his head on the spot where Egor’s heart was supposed to be, taking in every beat. Dmitry could not believe it. Egor liked him, liked him back. He was not really a bigot, on the contrary, he had given his identity more thought than most people, although he still had to unlearn some things. And he found Dmitry hot. Hot was not how Dmitry would describe himself, but maybe others saw him differently. Desired him differently. But it was time to forget the others. Egor seemed to desire to him, and Dmitry desired him back. Egor was in no condition to do anything, and Dmitry was in no rush. The promise of something did make the wait worth it and supressed the hunger that had been building inside Dmitry. Also, Egor knew that Dmitry was a virgin but had not judged him, having only shown sympathy. Perhaps there was a chance. A chance to discuss the intimate part with Egor and discover what each of them wanted. But it would be a task for another day. Dmitry’s eyes closed, and he fell asleep, his head on Egor’s body.

Dmitry did not remember how he had woken up, but he definitely felt Egor’s hand on his hair, and he wanted to stay in that position for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, someone else was in the vicinity, and Dmitry could see that Egor clearly was not a fan of the visitor judging by the dark shadow on his face. Dmitry smoothly pushed Egor’s hand aside and straightened himself to have a look at whoever had disturbed their peace.

‘I should’ve known you’d be here. I’ve been looking for you everywhere,’ Andrey, because of course it was him, said distraughtly.

Dmitry did not deign to respond to him.

‘Are you still mad at what I said?’ Andrey asked with a softer tone, which still happened to be quite rough.

‘No. I’m mad at you beating up people now,’ Dmitry have him a stink eye.

‘He attacked me first,’ Andrey immediately jumped at self-defence.

‘And yet he’s the one in the infirmary, being refused proper treatment, while you’re running around scot-free. How do you explain that?’

‘He’s a big boy, he’ll recover,’ Andrey said aloofly. ‘And will probably think first next time he wants to throw hands.’

‘Fuck you, Andrey. You’ve grown into such an eblan. Get out of my sight,’ Dmitry said menacingly.

‘Or what?’ Andrey taunted him.

‘Or I’ll…,’ and suddenly Andrey was levitating, his limbs helplessly flailing in the air. Dmitry looked at his arms with a sense of wonder and then made a throwing motion, and Andrey was flung into the wall with a boom. Zhenya, who had been napping at the desk, rose and shone.

‘Boys, if you want to let that testosterone out, do it outside. Tatyana will still kill you, but at least she won’t kill me,’ she grumbled. Everyone ignored her.

‘Did you do that?’ Egor said in awe. ‘Another hidden talent?’

‘More like an extension of the one that’s responsible for destroying everything,’ Dmitry murmured while watching Andrey get back on his feet.

‘You hate me this much, huh?’ Andrey gasped.

‘Still not as much as you hate yourself,’ Dmitry replied condescendingly.

‘Fine. I only came to tell you that the principal is pairing us up starting next week,’ Andrey said hoarsely.

‘You’re kidding. Who’d want to pair up with you after all this?’ Dmitry was ready to spit at Andrey’s face.

‘It’s either this, or be paired up with a girl. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and take it.’

‘I don’t want to look at the horse, full stop. Especially a nasty one like you,’ Dmitry’s mood was savage.

‘You know what’ll happen when you’re paired up with a girl. If you’re ready to go through that, be my guest,’ Andrey said mysteriously.

‘Why should I be paired up with a girl? I want to be paired up with Egor,’ Dmitry said warily, looking at Egor’s face for reassurance. To his relief, he found it.

‘Yeah, why you or a girl? I agree to be Dmitry’s partner. Tell that to the principal, or we’ll do it ourselves.’

‘Too bad for you, not-a-pretty-boy-anymore, you’ve been selected to pair up with a girl next week, too. The pairs are not decided by the school but by a higher instance, so good luck persuading them,’ there was overt glee in Andrey’s voice, and Dmitry wanted to give him another shove to the wall.

‘Whatever. We’ll work it out. Now get lost, or I’ll send you flying again,’ Dmitry shooed him away.

Andrey did not need more convincing and left. Dmitry watched his departing back with open hostility, his nose releasing air like a bull. Egor hugged him from behind, and Dmitry slowly calmed down.

‘So, a week, huh? And then we’ll have to fight the system?’ Egor remarked cheerfully.

‘I mean, they might pair me up with him, but it doesn’t mean anything. We can just meet in secret or something.’

‘What did he mean by you know what happens with a girl? What will happen?’ Egor suddenly asked, and Dmitry pinched himself for failing to address the elephant in the room.

‘How about… we make the most of the week and forget about his bullshit for the time being?’ Dmitry lowered his head to match Egor’s and looked straight into his eyes, losing himself in the blue.

***

Dmitry visited Egor later on Tuesday, on Wednesday and on Thursday. He ambidextrously managed not to be late for breakfast every time, and Tatyana always looked like someone had poisoned her food. Dmitry took the responsibilities of feeding Egor, accompanying him to the restroom, and changing his clothes. Dmitry pretended to be modest while doing the lattermost, although Egor did not seem to mind Dmitry ogling him. Egor had a cast on his left foot and allowed Dmitry to write some silly messages on it. Dmitry could not think of anything but E+D=L, and he was glad that Egor could not see that. Sometimes they kissed, sometimes Egor let Dmitry leave a hickey on his neck, but they had not gone further than that. Dmitry did not want to take advantage of the injured person and to make his firsts awkward. On Thursday the nurse discharged Egor, probably due to being sick of the lovebirds in her den, and gave him a crutch. Before they could leave, a wild Valera had appeared.

‘Yo, Dima, I haven’t seen you at my private lessons for ages. The lack of audience makes me strive for greatness less,’ he said with fake sulkiness.

‘I’ve been taking care of Egor since no one else seems to… well, care,’ Dmitry said impatiently. ‘I’ll come to the lesson tomorrow.’

‘You can make it up to me by coming to the party tonight. You both are invited,’ Valera winked. ‘Alla will be there. Some older students as well. I think they’re interested in getting to know y’all.’

‘Okay, we’ll be there,’ Egor answered for them. ‘I hope it’ll be better than the previous one.’

‘For sure. We are going to play the seduction game,’ Valera sounded conspirational. ‘And one of you is definitely going to enjoy that.’

‘Um, Valera?’ Dmitry tried to gain his attention. He and Egor had decided to make their relationship known to the table group to avoid awkwardness and gossip. The rest of the school would have to wait. ‘I don’t know what kind of game that is, but it appears that Egor can enjoy the same things as I do.’

He gave Egor a quick kiss, making the guy blush. Valera’s expression was priceless.

‘Wow, you two got close fast. You better tell me all about that tomorrow, Di,’ Valera said with admiration.

‘You can tell Katya but nobody else. I’ll tell Alla myself, I guess, since she was setting me up with someone, and I don’t need that anymore.’

‘You got it. Laters, newlyweds.’

Valera left, and Dmitry and Egor followed. They reached Egor’s room, and Dmitry helped him settle down. There was some kind of correspondence on the cupboard, which Dmitry relayed to Egor. He looked through some of the letters, and his face got stuck in a frown.

‘Anything you should be concerned about?’ Dmitry asked him.

‘Just reminders… and yeah, a notice that I’ll be paired up with a girl next week. Her name’s Marina.’

‘I think I saw her on my ride back. She looked like a typical otaku,’ Dmitry said cautiously.

‘Honestly, I don’t care. I’ll tell her that our relationship is just for a show, maybe she’ll understand. If she doesn’t, well, that’s her problem,’ Egor said, slightly irritated.

‘Good luck. I mean it,’ Dmitry said and touched Egor’s shoulder.

‘Anyway, do you want to do… anything fun?’ Egor sounded suggestive, and Dmitry was about to say yes, but he had a better idea.

‘You know, since we’re going to the party… Maybe we’ll loosen up a bit and then take the things up from there. And I’m curious about that game Valera mentioned,’ Dmitry kept drawing circles on Egor’s shoulders.

‘I guess you’re right. I got all stiff from the stay in the infirmary, and not in the place I want it to be,’ Egor smiled at Dmitry. ‘So loosening up sounds good.’

‘Should I fetch you later?’

‘Yeah, let’s go there together. Our first outing,’ they both laughed.

As promised, Dmitry grabbed Egor at 10 pm, and they both headed to Katya’s room. Dmitry had changed into a semi-fashionable T-shirt and a pair of ripped jeans, while Egor was in a plain black sweater and tight trousers. Egor complimented Dmitry’s bold fashion choices, and Dmitry snorted. Katya welcomed them at the door, commenting on Dmitry’s clothing as well.

‘Loving the ripped jeans and the shaved legs under them! Is that an eyeliner I see? Damn, Dmitry, you’re gonna put those straight guys to shame,’ Katya ohed and ahed approvingly.

‘Just a smidge,’ Dmitry shook his head. ‘Not my fault those boys are too fragile to try it. Would look great on Valera, by the way.’

‘I’ll consider giving him a makeover. Anticipate his transformation next time!’ Katya nodded her head.

‘Looking forward to it,’ Dmitry said and proceeded into the depths of the room. Somehow it was made to feel bigger, and there was enough space for a bar, a mini-pool, and a dancefloor. Everyone was already getting their life to Lada Dance’s Baby Tonight, for which Dmitry also had some appreciation, so he beckoned Egor to follow him.

‘Finally some good fucking food,’ Alla shouted and waved at them from the other side of the dancefloor. ‘Let’s show them how to have real fun.’

Dmitry could only oblige and dance his ass off, intermittently letting Egor grind against him and share touches when no one was looking. For others they appeared as some dumb boys having fun, but Alla gave them occasional thumb ups, and Katya’s smile was more about them being relatively open than anything, or so Dmitry wanted to believe. Valera was more about drinking than dancing, which did not hinder him from coming to the dancefloor and fool around with them, too. The song choices were also surprisingly palatable, as if the DJ had deliberately excluded anything not to Dmitry’s liking. At some point Katya started clapping her hands to draw attention to an important announcement.

‘Okay, so now we’re going to play the seduction game. For those who are in the tank, the rules are simple. We have a team of girls and a team of boys. The girls will do nothing and just stand there at the wall. The boys’ goal is to seduce them, and to do that successfully they’ll have to undress to their underwear and take a dip in the pool. Then they should approach a girl, or girls, it doesn’t matter, and don’t get jealous, people, and try to sweet-talk to her or them. If seduction is successful, a girl should kiss a guy. If it isn’t, she can kick him in the balls. The boy is free to try again until someone gives him a kiss or remain a sore loser for the rest of the night. Are the rules clear?’

There was a commotion in the crowd, with the guys complaining about the game being too sexist and feminist, but Dmitry liked the rules and wondered who had come up with them.

‘I guess I’m going to be one of the girls,’ he said loudly, causing a few gasps.

‘Damn right, you…,’ one of the guys was about to say something totally expected and bigoted, but Alla was quick to kick him in the balls before the game even started.

Dmitry turned to Egor, who had been sweating from all the dancing. While on the dancefloor he had mostly moved his upper body not to put any strain on his leg, but the game did not seem a good fit for him at all.

‘You don’t have to do this,’ Dmitry murmured. ‘And I’m not expecting anything, so just relax.’

‘No, no, I’ll do it. Can’t have some Valeras stealing kisses from you,’ Egor said with determination and quickly took off his sweater and undershirt.

‘I’ll be waiting then, my prince,’ Dmitry said sweetly and took a place at the wall. Other girls were eyeing him unkindly, and the girl who had approached him was among them. She was probably still vexed by his rejection to assist them in the sex ritual, although Dmitry did not want to give her much thought as most guys were already undressed and ready to wet themselves. Some had average bodies, some were on their way to become gym rats, and some had more variety in their body types, which was a welcome addition. Regardless, he was mostly focused on Egor, who slowly heading to the pool, his arm in a sling and his foot in a cast. He was the bravest of them all, and the hottest, even if his body was not in the best shape. He did not even have to seduce Dmitry because his heart had already belonged to him.

Several guys were getting kissed or kicked, and no one dared approach Dmitry or Alla, who had been keeping him a company.

‘They think I’ll turn them gay if they kiss me. Their loss,’ she complained. ‘Gay club parties will always be superior.’

‘I was supposed to meet that guy at one of the clubs, right?’ Dmitry wondered.

‘Yeah, but I see that you don’t need him anymore. Poor thing, he was so excited to meet you,’ Alla lamented.

‘Well, I can still come to the club, right? And we can have some fun without necessarily… you know.’

‘Actually, you’re right. You should come, get to know your people because this joint is definitely not it.’

‘Still kissless?’ Valera interrupted them. ‘What happened to your boyfriend?’

‘Shhh,’ Dmitry rushed to silence Valera. ‘He’s still in the pool.’

‘It’s okay, it’s just a party. What happens at the party stays at the party,’ Valera said ominously and then kissed Dmitry, tongue and all.

‘What the fuck,’ Dmitry exhaled after Valera had let go of his mouth. ‘Wasn’t I supposed to kiss you?’

‘I think you’re already properly seduced by me, so why waste time? You taste sweet, by the way. Sweeter than a maiden,’ Valera licked his lips. ‘I might want a second helping one day.’

‘What… what will Katya say? She’ll murder us both,’ Dmitry flushed and stuttered.

‘Not when she’s the one who suggested this,’ Valera laughed and went to bother the girls.

Meanwhile, Egor was limping back, and Dmitry did not want to think about the damage Valera’s kiss had done to their rookie relationship. However, Egor appeared to be smiling, and not in an ‘I’ll dismember you later for that’ way.

‘Sorry for the wait. I see Valera’s warmed up those lips for me,’ Egor said in a flirty tone.

‘Is that your idea of seduction because I don’t think it will work on me,’ Dmitry said impertinently.

‘What will, then?’ Egor sounded puzzled.

‘Come closer,’ Dmitry commanded, and Egor obeyed.

‘It won’t work because I’m already wet down there,’ Dmitry whispered into Egor’s ear and slipped his tongue into Egor’s mouth.

No one seemed to pay attention to the fact that Dmitry and Egor’s kiss was more than a joke, and they managed to get as much as possible from it. Emboldened by either alcohol or the overall horny situation, a random guy attempted to kiss Dmitry, and Egor reluctantly released him. Dmitry quietly suggested that Egor should kiss some girls, assuring him that he would be fine with that for the sake of Egor’s cover. Another guy gave Dmitry a sloppy kiss and asked him whether he gave blowjobs as well.

‘No,’ Dmitry flinched and pushed the guy aside. ‘Ask that again, and I’ll give you a blow job. The same one Eduard was given.’

The guy immediately scurried away, just in time for Egor to return.

‘Did he give you any trouble?’ he asked with a hint of possessiveness.

‘I’m more likely to give him trouble,’ Dmitry insisted. ‘Anyway, want to get out of here? All these kisses are making me… eager for more.’

‘I was afraid you’d never ask,’ Egor grinned. ‘Let’s move.’

Katya caught them at the door, out of breath and her hair loose.

‘Leaving already? We’re about to play Truth or Dare.’

‘Great party, Katya, but I have to take Egor to his room and, you know… we want to get to know each other. In the Biblical sense,’ Dmitry gave her a shrewd look.

‘Oh. Oh. Of course,’ Katya appeared to have caught Dmitry’s drift. ‘Have fun, guys. Who needs truth or dare when you two are already truthful and daring. Yeah.’

They said their goodbyes, and Dmitry caught a glimpse of Valera, who looked lost against the bedlam. Gone was his earlier confidence, and something seemed to be gnawing at him. Dmitry was sad to leave him in such a state, but Katya would take care of him. And he would take care of Egor. Probably. They made it to Egor’s room with unusual swiftness, both sufficiently aroused. Egor locked the door behind them and looked at Dmitry expectantly, his eyes pure wildness.

‘So, what do you want us to do tonight?’

[eamour]

feeling is the secret.

the saying "feeling is the secret" is another phrase that neville goddard coined. now, when speaking of "feeling" it to be true, neville did not talk about an "emotion" but rather "knowing" things to be true. but what's so important about "feeling" anyway?

thoughts come from feeling.

your thoughts come from your feeling. to simplify it for you: your feeling can also be reffered to as your belief in something or your state of mind concerning something. therefore, feeling is the cause of thought. first you have a feeling, then you generate thoughts coming from that feeling. your thoughts determine what state you are in or what your underlying belief/feeling is.

change feeling, change self.

your feeling is the root. the origin. the beginning. it's the only thing you need to change in order to see change be reflected back to you. when you do that, you change self — because self, again, is what you feel to be true.

since your thoughts are not the cause of your manifestation but your feeling is, we need to change that first. your feeling or your belief/state is where you think from. it's where thoughts come from automatically. if you change your feeling, your thoughts have no option but to follow in regards to that state.

change the feeling of "i".

how do you change your feeling? in your mind. you don’t change your outer self but your inner self. a belief or a feeling isn't hard to change. there are no blockages of your subconscious, there is no resistance that has to be dealt with. the only reason why you think that there might be obstacles you need to overcome is because you create them in the first place. you yourself are complicating it to change your state and make yourself believe in the difficulty or the idea that your mind needs to be "fixed". but you can uncreate those beliefs the same way you created them.

thoughts hold no power.

since the thought is created, it has no power of its own and no truth in itself. this is why you don't have to worry about thoughts or if you are thinking "good enough", having the "right" thoughts or micromanaging everything. don't try to think perfectly in your mind. the thought is not the root, the feeling is.

that's why "flipping" aka changing thoughts often doesn't do a lot. it does not change your feeling to begin with. and since you keep the feeling, you will also keep reproducing thoughts coming from that state. yes, today you managed to calm down by flipping thought A — but what if you get anxious again tomorrow because you get a thought B?

feeling is the end.

you know the term "live in the end"? this is what we mean we say it: when we want you to live in the end, we want you to feel as if you had your desire. we want you to go to the very end where you have it. we don't want you to worry about the how, the when, the circumstances or the bridge of events. we want you to feel. because once you do, you will also start to think from feeling aka from having your desire. just like edward art said, "change your feeling to what you want to feel. feel everything and the thoughts will come".

just feel it.

you waste so much time not doing what you should be doing. no, you don't need to firmly do sats every night before going to bed and attempt the void and make sure to write down all 100 affirmations in the same order and meditate for exactly 15 minutes... you need to feel. you need to be. you need to experience it in the mind. you need to give yourself the time to just have it. you need to allow yourself to get a taste of it. you have been forcefully and desperately trying to "do to get". just be it for a moment. give yourself the feeling you have been longing for. because you keep feeling what you don't want to, you just end up manifesting things you don't want. and you do things to get and not to change self.

this post was greatly inspired by edward art

with love, ella.

[animentality]

i know we hate the term "unalive" on tumblr because it's a symbol of the censorship that reigns on tiktok, but consider that it is, for all intents and purposes, the most hilarious word ever.

like im sorry.

you unalived that little shit - come on, peak comedy.

you didn't kill that little shit. you didn't make him die. you didn't inflict mortal wounds upon him.

you just straight up undid his ass. you unlived his life.

you uncreated him. unexisted him. you stopped his past, present, and future.

you unwound him.

it's kinda funny, and mostly siiiick.

[numbers-31-blog]

The first step on your path to the Uncreated is to demonstrate your commitment to Lord Satan by blaspheming the three persons of the Christian Godhead. You should begin by blaspheming God the Father (Jehovah, Yahweh), then God the Son (Jesus Christ), and finally God the Holy Spirit (or Holy Ghost). According to Matthew 12:32, blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the one, unforgivable sin which you can never come back from. By blaspheming the Holy Spirit, you are sending a message to Lord Satan, Jesus Christ, and yourself that you have truly committed yourself and taken sides in the cosmic struggle.

[northernexposuregifs]

Maggie, thank you for sharing in the destruction of your house so that today we can have something to fling. I think Kierkegaard said it oh-so well…

"The self is only that which it is in the process of becoming."

Art, same thing. James Joyce had something to say about it, too.

"Welcome, O life! I go to encounter for the millionth time the reality of experience and to forge in the smithy of my soul the uncreated conscience of my race."

We're here today to fling something that bubbled up from the collective unconsciousness of our community. The thing I learned, folks, this is absolutely key… it's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself.

Let's fling something, Cicely!

[charlotte44sworld]

it’s okay ♡

hi lovelies, it’s been a while, but I’m back on here because I want to talk about something.

⚠️ potential tw - domestic abuse

since I’ve been in the LOA community I feel there’s always been this idea that everything said and done was all you as the operant power you created this and you can change it.

this leaves a very blurred line, when do you change someone’s behaviour and when do you choose to leave someone or a situation, knowing the main reason this happened was your assumptions?

not to make this about me because it really isn’t it’s part of some bigger issues, but I’ve been in a domestic abuse situation and currently am and would you really feel okay coming to me or anyone for that matter and tell them oh hun it’s fine, but you created this go uncreate it / it was you : no. You’d make sure they’re physically okay because spoiler alert we still live in the 3D, isn’t that where we want to see our desires eventually? and yes, we are so powerful with our godlike powers, but we are also humans.

I’m grateful that I’ve learned about this law, but I won’t ever make it mean for me that it was all me that this and this happened to me.

I think instead of a teachable moment that would be considered cruel, as it can follow you like guilt. People are still people and even though we are in control of our realities, they still showed up this way and I can hear some people in the back mentally arguing about how I’m in denial but just stop. I am aware of eiypo and how that shapes our lives and the people in it, but you simply cannot make that the end or be all. Would you rather risk someone being hurt stuck in a place full of toxicity trying to affirm their way out of it with stress or take them out first and then work on building them back up¿

When in a situation similar like myself, I urge you to seek safety and make sure you are okay first priority and come back to the law when you’re mentally ready to either change it or use it however you want. You are not your thoughts, you are you and you’re special, so take care and remember: you are loveable 🖤