#to think a fucking reality tv host did this

[m3nt4lly1ll1]

“Uh oh, my parents didn’t restrict my internet access enough, and I personally went on a website, personally toggled the “mature” feature, and read bad fanfiction. Surely this MUST mean that we have to censor everything!!!!”

“Oh but it’s really hard for parents to restric-“

Nope. Look up literally anything on parental controls. iOS has a feature that you can enable to block all mature websites. Better yet, block every website EXCEPT allowed ones. Android also has apps with this same feature. It takes at MOST an hour total to set everything up.

Myself? My dad did this to me. My phone and my laptop. Unfortunately, I was smarter, and I found ways around it. I deliberately went on sites I knew I wasn’t supposed to go to. I deliberately seeked out mature fiction. I ain’t that messed up because of it, I was fucked up PRIOR. I’m now a well rounded (..barely??) adult. As far as fiction goes, I’m stable, and solid in my beliefs. I can separate fiction and reality, and I don’t let the two mix.

Is it my father’s fault? Barely. He did his best. He was just unfortunate to have a son who’s really good with technology (still am, I’m going to college for Information Technology). I’m at fault mostly, because I was the one who did all of that stuff. Deliberately. Should I have been seeing it at that age? No. I also wasn’t the intended audience. I also wasn’t legally allowed on those sites. I am at fault. You know who isn’t at fault? The creators of the media I consumed. It’s not their fault that I, and others, such as yourself, went out and found things we weren’t meant to.

YOU are at fault. And, if they didn’t try, so are your parents. But the people who create these things aren’t. They didn’t go “oh? You’re underage? HERE READ THIS MATURE FANFICTION MUAHAHAH”. It was in an adult space.

And for the love of god.

Writing things in fiction doesn’t normalize it

Do you see a normalization of.. hm.. let’s say the scream movies. Do you see loads of people running around with Ghostface masks and killing people, blaming it on the movie?? No.

Do you see people slaughtering their classmates because they have a crush on a boy, and blame it on Yandere Simulator? No.

Do you see people actively flirting with their sibling because they saw Ouran High School Host Club and thought it was okay? No.

Do you see people do ANYTHING because they saw it in a movie, or a TV show, or a book, and said “it’s real I must do it?”

Sure, there are, likely below 0.0001% of people who might think so. But you know what? Those are severely mentally ill people. That girl? Yknow, the one who killed because of slenderman or whatever the fuck? She suffered from psychosis my dude.

Take fucking accountability instead of blaming other people who had nothing to do with your actions.

Fanfiction literally cannot "normalize" anything. Fanfiction is a weird little niche and fics are not something with massive cultural impact.

[rigginsstreet]

Believe me, I am very much pissed off at trump supporters and anyone who voted for that man but at the same time…this rhetoric of “we’ve gotta be meaner to them” …what is that going to do exactly? It’s not gonna make them change their minds it’s only gonna make them dig their heels in deeper to their beliefs. You can do all the name calling you want and it will feel good in the moment but it’s not gonna actually change anything. Honestly I only see it making things worse

[seobinghard]

𐙚⭑𓂃 LOVE ON THE STREET ✰

➤ you and wooyoung embark on a top-secret mission to stalk hongjoong on his date but find yourselves unceremoniously caught up in a scandalous street interview for a reality dating show. yikes.

pairing: best friend!wooyoung x fem!reader ⭑ tags: crack, fluff, wooyoung's the biggest flirt, hongjoong mentioned. ⭑ wc: 1k (i think) ⭑ tw: profanity, mention of d word in a sarcastic context.

"i'm telling you, they're like ninjas."

you and wooyoung are on a classified mission to stalk hongjoong on his first date and let's just say, it's not looking too good for you two nosy mfckers. you keep losing track of the couple, there's too many people at the plaza, and you're sweating your assess off under the midsummer sun trying to navigate your way through a sea of shoppers.

"woo, i think i'm gonna faint," you breath out. "like, actually."

"grab onto me," wooyoung tells you, tightening his grip on your interlaced hands as he leads you through the crowded square, unaware of the blush that's crept up your cheeks. "oh! wait, i see them! let's go!"

hand-in-hand, you sprint across the streets like two stray chickens charging at their prey—hongjoong and his date, chatting about outside a buzzling pizza stand with not a single clue they're being followed.

wooyoung spots a bush near a lemonade stall opposite the pizza stand. "there! let's hide. i need to know what the fuck they're talking about."

talk about nosiness—you got nothing on wooyoung.

you both scurry over to the bush, keeping your heads low. but just as you're meters away from your hideout, a group of people stops you on your tracks, shoving a gigantic microphone in your faces.

"what the fuck!" wooyoung hisses, eyes darting to the pizza stand only to realise hongjoong is gone.

"spotted! a cute young couple!" the street interviewer—a woman no older than thirty—chirps merrily, signalling her sound crew to come closer. "do you mind introducing yourselves and share with us how long you've been dating?"

you spot a pink logo on the mic—'LOVE ON THE STREET'.

oh my god. this isn't some lowkey tiktok street interviewer with 20k followers looking to grow her channel. no, this lady's an actual tv host with a whole production crew and you're on national fucking television for a reality dating show. oh my god.

your jaw is on the ground and wooyoung is pissed.

"we're not dating and we're not interested," wooyoung politely rejects with a frown.

he grabs your hand and attempts to make a dash but is blocked by the camera man who unabashedly zooms in on your interlocked fingers.

"ooooh, what do we have here—you're holding hands!" the host chimes cattily, sounding like one of those scandalous reality tv commentators; very 'gossip girl'-esque. "you guys sure you're not dating?"

wooyoung's patience is running thin. "alright, what do you want?"

"bro, we're on tv! don't be rude!" you whisper quietly.

wooyoung hasn't let go of your hand. instead, he looks straight into the camera with a deadpan look like a scene from 'the office' and says, "what do you want me to say, huh? that we're dating? oh! guess what? we're actually married. yes, yes, that's right. shocker. baby, show 'em your ring."

"what ring!" you hiss quietly in his ear.

wooyoung continues with the most serious face, lying straight through he teeth, "we've also got a golden retriever and three kids. a nine year old, a seven year old and a toddler—"

"wow you guys have been busy, huh? and um, a nine year old? correct me if i'm wrong but you both look so young!" the host laughs dramatically.

"yeah, we're high school sweethearts. got a problem?"

you want to die. he did not just insinuate you're teen parents.

"n-no, no!" the host corrects herself, "and are you two lovebirds on a date?"

wooyoung casts her a devilish grin, "yes, and if you don't mind, my wife is tired and we need to leave."

with that, wooyoung whisks you away as quick as he can into the ac-ventilated coolness of the shopping mall. he still hasn't let go of your hand.

a calm silence settles between the both of you. the air feels different. none of you brought up the whole interview and none of you seem like you want to continue mission 'stalk hongjoong' after running around town like headless chickens in the heat. so you decide to settle down in a baby blue booth at a japanese dessert cafe somewhere on level five by the wall-to-ceiling windows.

"you don't like the cake?" wooyoung asks before taking a long slurp from his strawberry milkshake.

you glance down at the strawberry cream cake, mindlessly poking the icing-dusted strawberry with your fork. "it's good."

"why aren't you eating?"

maybe because you just announced to the whole world we're married with three kids and a dog ??? — is what you want to yell at him but instead, you calmly lie, "i have ibs."

wooyoung lets out a verbal 'LOL' then proceeds to rake his bag for a familiar green bottle of ibs medication. you don't even realise he's been carrying one of those with him—he doesn't even have ibs. wooyoung coolly hands you a pill. "take this."

"thanks," you mutter, pretending to swallow the pill only to swiftly spit it back into your palm when he's not looking.

ugh, why does it feel so awkward all of a sudden. awkwardness and wooyoung has never coexisted, even during your most embarrassing moments like that one time in eleventh grade when he walked in on you with nothing but your spongebob underwear on. or that one time he farted in the car and you almost died from the fumes. it's always been fun and games with wooyoung. nothing is ever serious for the both of you—that's why you click.

until now.

"y/n, what's wrong? i can see it in your face so don't even lie to me," wooyoung threatens playfully as he steals a bite from your cake.

"i don't know."

what you do know is wooyoung looks so good today with his long black hair, slicked back in a half-up ponytail with the hair tie he stole from your vanity. a few loose strands of hair covers his eyes; eyes that are gazing into yours like it's harbouring something you don't know. his ears are studded with chrome hearts earrings and a matching necklace that dangles off his neck—his favourite. he's wearing the black tee you got for him last christmas. the thought makes you flustered and you can't help but look away.

and of course, wooyoung being quick-witted and sly, instantly catches the dust of pink on your cheeks and smirks, "holy shit, y/n, are you ... shy?"

"no, i'm not!"

"you are!" wooyoung laughs, "no way, is it because of that interview?"

"oh my god, stoppp," you let out a muffled shriek in your palms.

wooyoung is enticed. he's never seen you this shy around him and honestly, he could really get used to it.

"oh, y/n," he coos, drawling your name in a tone so sweet, so flirty it makes your stomach flutter. "if you wanna get married, you could've just asked, silly girl."

he leans in from across the table and whispers, "you want my babies?"

you gawk at him in horror and flick a strawberry at his face. "you perv!"

"ah—" wooyoung yelps, wiping off the smeared cream on his eyelid, "you almost made me blind! the fuck— wait, where are you going?"

you pick up your bag and hurriedly scoot out of the booth. "away from your stupid ass. i can't be in the same space as you right now."

"what, is it 'cause i'm too hot?" wooyoung grins, "just sayin', we'd make a hot married couple, you and me– baby, come back!"

[dee-morris]

Crowley's Effect on Reality

There is a headcanon that has been rattling around in my coconut for about a year, and now I've added to it. It's canon that Crowley has a reality-altering effect on his immediate surroundings; we see it in the cafe where he meets Shadwell and the TVs are showing The Witchfinder. Or when "You're My Best Friend" is playing in the Bentley and follows him into the burning bookshop to play on the gramophone. (Cinematography so seamless it actually took me several watches to notice, bless them all.)

So I've been wondering how far that extends, and I got to thinking about the baby swap. Crowley gives the baby to Sister Mary and tells her to take him to Room 3. Mary says this to Sister Grace, who tells her to get on with it, then. But Grace was the one who put the Youngs in Room 3! She of all the nuns should have been like, Wait a minute.

The obvious answer is obviously the nuns aren't bright and/or are too used to following orders to question it. But it would have made more sense to just have some random nun there, not the one most likely to catch a mix up before it happened. So this makes me wonder if it's not Crowley's ambient reality warp in action. Instead of playing a song reflecting his mood or a movie that reminds him of someone, the world is reflecting his deepest wish: he wants something to go wrong. Something that will give the world a fighting chance and ideally can't be traced directly back to him.

So that's what's been kicking around in my brain for about a year, and after watching season two and thinking about how RIDICULOUSLY OVERPOWERED these two idiots are, I'm starting to wonder how often this has happened before. A tiny little surreptitious half miracle set off alarms in heaven and works so well that it sends the most powerful angel in heaven racing to the scene to get control of the situation. That was a conscious effort; what have they gotten away with without even knowing what they were doing?

"I've been looking over your previous exploits" and what did you see, Metabitch? Did you see an angel and a demon hornswoggle the entire Host to save a couple of human children? Did you look more closely and wonder why even Michael (who is significantly sharper than Gabriel even on his best days) was taken in by their embarrassingly transparent magic act?

Then there's 1941, and I know there's a miracle blocker in the room when Aziraphale steals the photo, but does that work if it's unconscious? Bc it's not something they're trying to do, it's not a force of will being inflicted on reality; it's reality bending to reflect their wishes. Would a miracle blocker work? Genuinely do not know.

Season Two did NOT spend enough time talking about the power they can access together, we know almost nothing about it, and I think that's deliberate. I'm so fucking stoked for the next season, make it happen make it real.

[petitprincess1]

Radio Rebel (name pending?) AU

(This is me just testing the waters of how this will be received. Might make a full story or, at least, a combination of ficlets. It all depends on the interaction. Now, join me in: What if Alastor Joined The Vees)

~~~

Annoying murmuring and blubbering happening near me. That buzzing from the hot overhead lights that are constantly in my eyes. That second one from the right. It's always flickering. Pestering me. I asked for it to get fixed and no one did a damn thing!

The blathering is getting louder, making my ears twitch at the noise. I'm sure no one in the audience is caring at all. That one skimpy-dressed rabbit is just taking pictures of herself. That light is still flickering. More twitching! More buzzing! More and more monotony! When will this fuc-

"MR. RADIO DEMON!"

Alastor left out from his thoughts upon the sudden shouting. He blinked back into reality and looked around the talk show set that he was on. The hardwood desk he was sitting in front of, the plush chairs, wooden flooring, and, yes, the guest! He cleared his throat, pushed back his shortened hair, and smiled too widely, "Ah, yes, sorry about that, my dear! It's lovely having you back on air! How's your husband?"

The Sinner stared at him with teary eyes before muttering, "Dead....sir...."

Blink. Blink. "Ah," that was all Al could muster before a loud ringing shocked his system. The Sinner began tearing up again as makeup artists rushed over to her to begin cleaning her up. Alastor watched as the "live studio audience" went off to do...whatever the hell it is that they do.

The deer demon leaned back against his chair, adjusting his tight necktie, and let out a loud sigh. His smile was much smaller as he stared at the lights that tormented him and beat down with their senseless heat. This is supposed to be Hell, and yet why is this the only time he feels as if he's being tormented by flames?

A sudden rush of static coursed up Alastor’s spine, making his ears rise in alert and hair slightly rise. He sat up slightly straighter as a bolt of neon blue electricity shot down in front of his desk. Within the blink of an eye, the pure energy formed into his.....business partner. Al greeted, "Good morning, Vox! Judging by your twitching brow, I take it you saw this stunning broadcast?"

Vox's twitched brow suddenly stopped as a large, "friendly" grin appeared on his flat face. He chimed back leaning onto Alastor's desk, "That's right~ And I gotta say, Al....that was absolutely the worst fucking thing that I ever could've seen! So, would you kindly explain what exactly that was...please?"

The rad- deer demon stood up from his desk and scoffed, straightening out his jacket, "Oh, it's nothing, my friend. Just simply was distracted by that light that I told you many times that keeps flickering. You did say that you'd eventually look into it, but I didn't think that meant our entire undead lives! Hahaha!"

A distorted, broken-down laugh track came from Alastor. The TV host just blinked at Al and was very unamused by his humor. However, he just wrapped an elbow around the, now-stiffened, deer as he chuckled humorlessly. Vox patted his chest, "Now, now, Alastor. This isn't just an isolated incident. I'd be perfectly fine, but...this is like the 10th time this week and that makes me worry for you."

He pulled away from Al, kept him arms-length, and with his hands on the cervidae's shoulders. He sighed, "Come on, buddy. This is a safe place. No need to hold back on your partner, right?"

Alastor corrected, removing Vox's hands from his person, "Business partner. Also, I'm sorry that I don't exactly care for whatever woes someone wishes to force onto me."

"Well, yeah, no shit! No one cares for what that fucking COW says!" Vox shouted, turning his head towards the bovine Sinner. The widow wept as she ran off the set, forcing the lackeys to chase her down. The smaller Overlord took another breath as he took Alastor by the hand and made him sit down in his armchair.

He went behind the demon, dropped his arms down Al's chest, and whispered near his ear, "Are you still mad at me, Al~?"

Alastor's eye twitched as his smile widened into a grimace as he tilted his head away from Vox. The TV demon snickered lowly as he hummed, "I was right, wasn't I? Come on now. Don't be upset. We made a consented deal that would benefit both of us. We work together on this. Your happiness is my happiness and your pain is mine~"

Al felt a nip on his ear that made a loud screeching sound abrupt from him. He suddenly stood up and hit Vox in the face, causing the other's screen to turn to static in shock. The deer Overlord immediately moved away from the other as he casually continued the conversation, "Yes, yes, I'm aware. It's just that I don't see why exactly I need to do...this mundane garbage. Even though I am not a fan, a simple podcast is much closer to my style. Don't you agree?"

It took a few seconds for Vox's screen to turn back to normal before he groaned in annoyance. He rolled his eyes before stating, "Yeah, of course it is. However, you don't exactly see many people lining up to sell their souls for that shit. Well, unless you count those who are middle-aged or singles wanting to be raw-dogged by the next serial killer. You don't get to see and experience the desperation on wayward's souls faces! And, besides, how many can say they've been in the same room as the radio demon~?"

"I actually feel like more could-"

"Shut up. It was rhetorical," the object head cut Al off before he went onto his phone. Alastor tried to peer over his shoulder, but another unnerving shock went up his spine and caused him to move back. Vox smirked at the obedience before he turned around and said, "Alright, fine. How's about this? Why don't you take some time off, ay? You know, clear your mind and get some air.....until you're back on by ten, that is. I'm sure all of this can be resolved after, I don't know, getting something to eat or whatever."

Alastor's ears flattened against his head as he started, smile becoming small once more, "I actually haven't been-"

"ROTTEN BITCH-!!"

Both Vox and Al were shocked by various shouting and crashing going on above them. The TV demon growled in frustration at the nuisance. He told Alastor, "Hold that thought. Someone's being an obnoxious prick, yet again."

Vox turned around to cup Alastor’s cheek, making the other's ear twitch. His thumb rubbed against his grayed skin before he suddenly turned into electricity that traveled through the various cables on the floor. Al just shuddered once he was alone and muttered, "Pompous prick..."

(That's all you get, for right now. There's still more to this first chapter! Lmk what you guys think! Reblogs are very much appreciated :3c)

[bishiglomper]

These panels are just not long enough, man. Main guests need like 2hr slots

They were introducing Brandon Rogers as Blitzo and he comes over, takes the mic from the host's hand like "...the O is silent." 😆

He said Blitzo was just himself on steroids, seemed legit.

Someone asked the Helluva cast what's the biggest animal they thought their characters could take in a fight. Loona's said she thought she could fuck up a bear.

Alex was just like. A bigger snake. 😆

Amir said anything

I think Brandon said an octopus or somthing.

Later someone asked if their characters went to the zoo, what would they go see first.

I only heard Amir and Alex answer, but they each said.. a deer and snake, respectively. 😆

I think someone asked what they'd do with their characters if they hung out. Loona's said she would chill out with reality TV and junk food like irl. All I heard otherwise was Alex saying "and watch Dude, where's my car?" In Pentious's voice

So Amir said something interesting...

Someone asked what was something stupid their characters did that they actually found really funny

Amir was like "Taunting Adam... and then losing the fight. .....but actually it was really smart that he did."

Intriguing!

Also everyone's favorite lines they did:

Loona's line from Full Moon "I do it all the time"

Blitz: "Sorry I fucked your husband!"

Alastor: "haHAAA- Fuck you."

Adam: "Damn Lute- chill! Fuck"

Amir said they're really really hoping to release their audition songs. Or to just record the songs again. In character! Eeeeeee

I don't know what song anyone else had but Pentious had show me the meaning of being lonely by the backstreet boys

[em1e]

⠀ ⠀バジ // AVANT GRANDE ⠀ ༝ ༝ baji keisuke ⠀ ༝ ༝ 1.2k words ⠀ ⚠︎ flower shop!au <3 1/4. fluff, some cursing, yk how it goes ⠀ — baji is just a great friend, helping chifuyu out. he doesn't even like flowers.

he really did not want to fucking be here. walking down the street in the silly shirt chifuyu designed for the pet shop, hair messily falling over his shoulders, with bags under his eyes. he was tired, but chifuyu practically begged him to go pick up these stupid flowers for the adoption event they had the honor to host at their pet shop, and his friend has been running himself ragged trying to get everything in order before tomorrow. 

that doesn’t stop his annoyance from building with each step he takes, aggravation palpable as he steps into the shop. it has nothing to do with you, yet you go rigid as he enters your shop. he eyes everything you have to offer -  from red roses, to sunflowers, to carnations, before they settle on you sitting behind the counter. you offer a smile. 

“hi, can i help you?”

his voice is rough and really hot and you think you’d melt at the prospect of him speaking if his glare wasn’t so intense, “my friend ordered flowers for our shop, ‘m just here to grab ‘em.”

“do you know the name on the order?” your customer service voice isn’t lost to baji. he moves further into the building towards where you stand, looking down at a list you have in front of you with names and what he can assume are arrangement types. he spots his own. baji keisuke - avant grande. 

it sounds like a spell. 

“that one.” he says, pointing to the paper and watching with mild amusement when you jump at the sudden movement. 

“oh, you’re chufuyu’s friend!” you grin besides yourself, highlighting his name on the paper and going into the back, coming out with a huge bouquet. he doesn’t really know much about flowers, but he can tell this is… decent, at the very least. 

he grunts in response to your question, “yeah, that’d be my friend.” 

you place the flowers on the counter, refixing the roses when they shift out of place. “chifuyu already paid, so you're free to take them as is. s’there anything else I can help you with today?” 

he eyes you in a weird way, adjusting to the way your mood suddenly shifted when you realize who he was picking up for. then, with a shake of his head, he’s taking the flowers by the vase and leaving. 

when he arrives back to the pet shop, he’s greeted by his friend, who has a stupid grin on his face. 

“what?” baji asks, thrusting the flowers into his hands and rounding the counter to clock out, ready to be relaxing at home with the stupid reality tv show he’s been watching play on the tv. 

chifuyu takes them gingerly, still eyeing him, “see anything you like?” 

baji’s eyes cut to his suddenly, glare hardening, “you did not send me to pick up a stupid arrangement just to set me up, did you?” 

his accusation is harsh, but chifuyu doesn’t waver, “and if I did?” 

he chooses to ignore him, opting to finish putting in his password instead of giving him the satisfaction of seeing him blush.

that, however, doesn’t explain why he stands in front of the shop a week later, without the prompting of his friend. he almost walks away, because really, what's the point of him being there? he doesn’t need flowers, nor does he want them, and yet he stays hovering in front of your small shop. 

baji’s walking into the building before he realizes, pleasantly surprised to see there’s all new arrangements. he’s out of his silly uniform and you perk up at the sight of him. 

“baji,” you greet with a stupid smile. he turns his nose so you can’t see his blush, “here to pick up for chifuyu again? he didn’t tell me beforehand-” 

“i am,” he finds himself saying before he can fully think it through. you’re moving into the back again, presumably to go get the flowers chifuyu ordered while he creates a plan. if you think he’s picking them up for his friend, it gives him an excuse to be here, right? plus, there’s no way he’ll show up anytime soon; chifuyu doesn’t get off until later with kazutora. as he thinks everything through carefully, the door chimes. one glance over his shoulder has him meeting familiar eyes. 

“baji?” chifuyu questions, tilting his head to the side. so much for getting off later. chifuyu blinks, processing, thinking, before a knowing grin crosses his features. 

baji’s caught red-handed, yet he can’t find it in himself to admit defeat. his eyes cut to the door you’re behind, before they look back to chifuyu. 

“why’re you here?” he all but hisses, making a shoo motion with his hand, “go away.” 

“i could say the same to you,” chifuyu crosses his arms over his chest, “don’t tell me my arrangement worked?” 

the suggestion is revolting, yet baji can’t dispute the claim. chifuyu perks up, “oh? has my dear friend baji finally grown a pair-” 

“oh, chifuyu!” you greet, though it’s hard to tell behind the large amount of flowers that hide you, “i thought i heard your voice.” 

“(y/n),” chifuyu greets, and baji realizes he never knew your name in the first place. how the hell are you and chifuyu so close? “i was just telling baji to bring the flowers by my apartment.” he winks at him, and god is his friend a good wingman. he’s grateful he’s gone, the only tell being the ringing of the door. 

“well, here’s the bouquet, the total’ll be ¥11441.51*.” 

“he didn’t pay beforehand?” baji asks, irked by his friend’s sudden disappearance. you shake your head. 

“nope.” 

he scowls, but fishes out his wallet nonetheless, passing you his card. you can only smile. 

*$107 USD

⠀ ༝ ༝ 

he frequents your shop more and more under the ruse of picking flowers up for chifuyu. truely, he wonders what he does with each bouquet he delivers after his visits - he never stays long enough to ask. 

you’re always elated to see him, perking up when he walks through the door and giving him some dorky greeting while going to retrieve whatever his friend ordered. it becomes routine, him stopping by when he isn’t busy with work- only to pick up flowers, of course! not to ogle while you rearrange some things in the store and act like he wasn’t staring when he’s caught. you make friendly conversation, and each day that passes feels like another day wasted - what’s the point of coming if he isn’t going to just ask you out? 

with this in mind, he finally works up the courage to say something. to chifuyu, not you. 

“so . . .” he starts, and chifuyu is quick to hold a hand up for him to stop. 

“i already know you spilled the cat litter in the back.” he says without looking up from the paperwork in front of him. 

“that’s . . . not what i was gonna say. and how’d you know, i left no evidence” baji pouts. 

“cameras,” chifuyu explains simply, setting the pen he was holding down and stretching his arms above his head, “what were you gonna say?” 

“about (y/n).” chifuyu raises a brow, prompting him to continue, “how do you know them?”

“their mom was good friends with mine.” chifuyu says easily, eyeing his friend, “why. you like ‘em or something?” 

baji fights down a blush, looking away with a hum, “maybe. doesn’t matter, i’m going on break.” 

chifuyu watches with an amused grin while his friend hastily leaves, presumably to your flower shop. 

[jbdforspence]

Rmember when I made like SCU headcanons or some shit (Smosh Cinematic Universe)? Well some of y’all really liked that and I’m getting chosen lore brainrot after the live so I’m making another for purely chosen lore 🥰🥰

Disclaimer: these are all my headcanons, unless I like say or some shit all of this is being made up in my brain because I think it’s cool or whatever, don’t take this as fact at all but like u can also headcanon what I’m saying bro idk 💀😭😭

Bro my ass essentially made my own fucking story or fanfic plot or whatever 😭😭😭

Also this shit is a long ass ramble so if u don’t wanna bother just be known one of the headcanons is that Shayne and Spencer’s chosen are in a purely romantic relationship ❤️ (SOMEONE BETTER MAKE A FANFIC OF THEM)

Okay… so getting the most important chosen thing out of the way, chosen is not bullshitting, the chosen all have real powers and shit and are from different dimensions, doesn’t mean they aren’t also loser awkward virgins though they’re still that but just are also powerful Jedi mfs lmao

Now for the next one I’m gonna use into the spiderverse as a good example. All dimensions have a Spider-Man, however not all Spider-Man are Peter Parker, while he still exists in some of those dimensions, like Gwen’s.

So, all dimensions have a chosen, however there are different chosen in different dimensions (if the chosen is played by a different cast member it’s not the same chosen, except mb Olivia’s we’ll get to that 💀) and a person who is chosen in one dimension won’t be chosen in another. Let’s use the chosen who faps, that chosen is that dimension’s Chanse, in that dimension Chanse is chosen.

Now you may IMMEDIATELY be thinking abt the main chosen, Shayne Topp and the chosen are from the same dimension. Well this is my most controversial headcanon, Shayne’s chosen is NOT from our dimension. But then who is our dimension’s chosen? ANTHONY PADILLA.

Anthony was a chosen, but then fapped or something (I have faint memories of the funeral roast) and is like calamity chosen and shit and no longer chosen. This is what attracted Shayne’s chosen to our dimension, as an incredibly powerful chosen he was drawn to this dimension as it completely lacked any chosen.

Oh yh and u may be thinking “but the main chosen’s name is Spencer Agnew… so he’s not Shayne Topp…” you think your parents are gonna give you the same name in every dimension buddy? You might not even have the same parents!

Anyways main chosen is stunned by our world as to how unchosen it is (normalised gooning) and comes here a bunch to try and change that, he also looks for some form of way to get his presence known on some kind of public platform, which is where smosh/smosh Vegas comes into play. (Where he was first introduced)

This is now a side headcanon: Smosh Vegas was this event hosted by Smosh to get unknown talent onto the channel to have their chance at possible success in some form of entertainment route for their future, which is where all these new characters (a lot of which we never see again coz it was for just that event and they didn’t gain much traction or popularity or whatever, bleeding into real life here). Smosh mostly picked weird and wacky individuals, think like reality tv show casting 💀, so the chosen most obviously got accepted onto Vegas.

Now I have not fact checked this but I’m pretty sure the chosen was the only character introduced in Vegas who came back afterwards, he was also one of the few in more than one video. I’d say he found success in entertainment, the audience loved him he could’ve gone on to do his own thing and shit, but he stayed with Smosh.

This is where my headcanons start to get really silly and in fanfic territory or whatever. Why did the chosen stay with Smosh? Well it’s a great public outlet for getting his ideas out there, they (us) loved him! But he also stayed due to other reasons. The chosen knows about Anthony, that’s why he’s here in the first place of course he knows what happened. But Anthony was long gone and presumed never coming back when the chosen came, so staying at smosh because of Anthony would be a stupid idea.

No, there was something else at smosh… SOMEONE. Charles Spencer Agnew, more commonly known as Spencer Agnew. They had almost the exact same name while not being variants of each other, the chosen couldn’t think that was just due to coincidence!! He believed it was some kind of sign and decided to stay to investigate what it meant. This is also why the chosen and Spencer are in heaps of vids together (…early on at least 👀)

Okay so now we’ve gotten the silly origin story out of the way and this is already like the longest post I’ve ever made 😭😭😭

The chosen begins to host Chosen Multiverses. This is a common chosen practice to see which chosen are strongest, the chosen just decided to start hosting it in our dimension as 1. Public platform and 2. This universe has no chosen so 5 chosen being there benefits.

An important part about these competitions!!! I believe this is canon coz it was mentioned once, when you win a chosen multiverse you are upgraded to “the chosen” over just being “chosen”, meaning Shayne, Spencer, Ian and Angela’s chosen are all the chosen.

Anyways here’s the silly part that’s inspired this and has ao3 vibes. The first multiverse is where we meet Spencer, Jackie and mb Courtney’s (idk if they did a tntl bit first but oh well!) chosen for the first time. Also Noah who thankfully canonically doesn’t have a chosen as he’s actually some merch ad and not a real chosen 😘.

Main chosen is truly stunned by Spencer’s chosen… as they are equal in power. Main chosen has never come across anyone close to his power, which is also why Spencer’s chosen comes back all the time. Now we also already established that Shayne and Spencer’s chosen are NOT THE SAME PERSON, and are variants of their respective cast members. So this brings us to the main headcanon for why I made this:

Shayne and Spencer’s chosen are romantically attracted to one another and have a purely romantic relationship.

Now the chosen is canonically not asexual (Shayne said in a Lego stream), I’m not here to headcanon sexuality stuff but I do agree with this and they’re constantly battling their urge to fap and shit coz of their Jedi duty .

Anyways the chosen already isn’t straight coz he canonically sucked Tim’s dick in the matrix (don’t ask) so when u think abt it not very far fetched ❤️

Anyways this brings us to the actual fuckinng livestream Jesus I’m so sorry for the LENGTH of this ramble

If you remember the trailer, it starts as Anthony hitting his head and having a “dream sequence”. Guys let me cook with this next one cos I’m proud lowkey: as Anthony is a chosen anomaly, he still kinda has powers, and the whole sitcom is a micro dimension created by Anthony’s brain after his accident that 3 chosen venture into to contain and eliminate it from existence. This is also why they kinda break the 4th wall in the script and stuff and almost spectate the whole live because they are aware that it’s fake.

Not really too sure what to think of the weed thing btw 💀 anyways yh so chosen!shayne x chosen!spencer canon plsplsplsssss

Also they’re teaching Trevor’s chosen btw that’s why the bring him (yet to be ready for a multiverse, which also btw I was 100% expecting him to be in this years multiverse, like I was thinking the lineup would be him and Arasha over Spencer and Courtney) and Shayne and Spencer’s chosen are dealing with it coz they’re the most powerful.

Uuhhh yeah cool so sorry u had to read all that lmao I probably missed some stuff like loopholes or whatever, I’d love to answer questions in the comments in shit so yh!

Ps: someone make a fucking fanfic of chosen Spencer and chosen Shayne PLEASE

Oh yh I also forgot to mention normal Spencer chosen by proxy and Olivia’s chosen but oh well they weren’t important…

[dontexpectmuch]

hii! if you're taking requests could you write an angsty jamal musiala x fem!reader where it somehow ends well? smth like she's phonzy's sister and they're best friends but like, obviously they love each other and can't seem to confess

groans and curse words came out of your brothers room, some cheers here and there and the sound of fifa filled almost the whole apartment. you currently stood in the kitchen, preparing a snack board for his guests, since your brother seems to forget that he still needs to be a good host.

you did this because you wanted to help your brother, at least this is what you always tell him. though, in reality you just used this as an excuse to see your longtime crush and good friend, jamal. you don’t know when, how nor why it happened, but when you woke up one day and saw his message, some meme he though was funny, you couldn’t help but blush, feeling this fuzzy feeling in your stomach, hands becoming sweaty as your thumbs did a small dance while hovering above your phones display, as you thought of a good answer. you’ve never felt like that before and you were scared.

out of all people, it had to be jamal fucking musiala, your friend, your brothers best friend, germanys golden boy, the guy with the most perfect smile and cutest laugh to ever exist. your brother would send you away to live somewhere else if he ever found out, you would never hear the end if it, you’d never see jamal again, you would-

shaking your head lightly, as if trying to shake away your ugly thoughts, you finish the snack board and go to your brothers room, knocking on the door before entering. your eyes flew over the three guys scattered around, jamal on the couch, looking cute and cozy, your brother on his gaming chair, looking like your brother and leroy on the floor, using a pillow as a cushion.

“what’s that?” phonzy asks, tearing his eyes from the tv for a second, head nodding to the board in your hands.

“snacks.” you explain, walking to the small table infront of the couch that jamal was seated at and leaving it on there, before taking a seat next to jamal.

smooth.

“lookin’ good.” jamals voices out, leaning forward to eat some of the snacks . his perfume met your nose and you immediately had to fight the urge to lean against his side to take in more from his scent.

“well, someone has to be a good host and it’s obviously not him.” you tell him, pointing at your brother, who just flips you off.

“let him be, phonzy has an entire youtube career ahead of him, ‘kay?” leroy butts in, laughing and dodging your brothers attempts of hitting him while also playing. as they continued on with their bickering, you tried to focus on jamal, of course as secretive as possible.

however, when jamal shuffled around a bit, repositioning himself to sit a bit closer to you and also smiling shyly, you tried your best to bite back the smile that dared to creep on your lips, your cheeks suddenly feeling like they would burn off.

“are you coming to our game tomorrow?” he strikes up a conversation, eyes looking at yours.

you tried your best to answer him, really, but his eyes were just so captivating, his voice was raspy but also oh so smooth and you wished dearly to be alone with him, just so you could pour your heart out to him, the way he deserved.

all this would stay a part of your late night scenarios, though, no denying that. you couldn’t do that to your brother, doubt taking over you whenever you started to believe that a relationship could indeed be possible. those annoying ‘what if’s’, thinking that jamal deserves better, someone who could actually keep up with his lifestyle, someone wouldn’t endanger one of his dearest friendships.

“yeah, sure.” was all you could spit out, lump forming in your throat as all these thoughts piled up.

“great, wear my jersey, das ist besser als phonzys.” jamal grins, his body now closer to yours than it was just a minute ago.

“eh, ja, klar, phonzy never gives me his jersey anyway.” you smile back at him, calming down after your internal break down.

you guys continue to hang out in phonzys room for a few more hours, you trying your best to talk with jamal without anyone noticing. and it seemed like jamal also tried his very best to keep the conversation flowing, him even paying you attention when it was his turn to play, never not laughing at whatever you said, looking at you with his eyes half closed.

after the two left you also went back to your room, pacing back and forth as you tried to look for a good outfit.

“yo.” your brother came in after knocking, arms crossed infront of his chest as he leaned against the door frame. he seemed tired, already in his sleep wear and teeth retainers in.

“what’s up?”

“be honest, do you have a thing for bambi?” he goes straight to the point, eyebrows slightly furrowed together.

hearing him say that made your mouth go dry, shock evidently written over your face as you put back the pants that you had pulled out, body fully turned to your brother. “why, why’d you think that?” you laugh, trying to play it off cool.

“‘m not stupid, y’know. you always try to talk to him and shit.” phonzy explains, pushing off of the door frame to come closer to you, “listen,” he begins again, voice soft but strict, “jamal’s my good friend, i like him a lot, but you’re my whole world, my best friend, for ever. if something were ever happen between you guys only for it not to work out in the end, i wouldn’t know how to feel. i don’t want to lose him as a friend, so please, don’t go ‘round and start anything with my teammate.”

the lump from earlier came back, sitting heavily inside your throat, “yeah, got it.” you nod, voice weak as you look at the floor, the excitement that you felt for tomorrows game long gone.

he kissed your forehead good night before leaving your room, closing the door to leave to alone with tears forming in your eyes. you didn’t understand why’d you react so emotionally to all this, usually being pretty calm and rational. maybe it was due to the fact that a tiny part of you hoped that everything would work out by the end, that you and jamal could be in a relationship with phonzy supporting you.

a sad laugh left your lips, laughing at your own delusional thinking.

you finished your night routine, climbing inside your bed, blanket pulled up to your ear as you tried to stop think about everything. suddenly, your phone lit up, illuminating the dark room. sighing, you reach out to your nightstand, turning the phones display to face you as your eyes read the message.

jamal. great.

the message was him telling you that he was excited to see you at the game tomorrow, promising to score a goal for you.

you smiled, it was a weird situation to be in, it was clear to the both if you that you liked each other, yet no one dared to confess first, your brother and shyness standing in your ways.

you lock your phone and put it back on the nightstand, sighing once more as you turn to the other side, closing your eyes to get in as much sleep as you could, fighting off the negativity in your mind.

tomorrow will be better.

——————————

decided to make two parts :)

[protectingtulpas]

🔥 BY TULPAS, FOR TULPAS 🔥

Hey everybody!! Welcome to the blog ✨✨ I'm Badeline, she/her pronouns, and this is dedicated to being a protected space for tulpas, tulpa hosts, and anyone trying to learn about us or is interested in creating one of us. We are people, and we deserve to exist!

Tulpas deserve to love life!! Help me make that a reality!

If you're new here, I'll keep it simple; a tulpa is a sentient being created by willful, repeated, and dedicated interaction with the concept of a person until they start to respond back and stop being controlled by you. They live with you and share your mind forever, generally as friends, and through trust and communication you can learn to do cool things like switch who's controlling the body, chat all day and get another perspective, and generally just have your life enhanced with a companion by your side looking to do stuff! Think of it like an imaginary friend, but you can't control them, cus we're our own people. If you want more info, check out my explanation with sources here! You can also look at "What is a tulpa?" from tulpa.info, or this carrd, it goes into more detail and links some sources. Tulpa.info and the tulpanomicon are some of the best sources out there, especially the latter for creation! I reclaim calling myself a demon but most tulpas DO NOT.

This is half a tulpamancy advice blog and half a support network for tulpas in the face of the hate and shit we get thrown at us. We are real and we deserve to EXIST!! Got formation questions? Skillset questions? Wonderland questions? Questions about intersectionality with other forms of multiplicity? Life questions relating to being a tulpa or tulpamancy? Send in an ask! It's important that YOUR voice is heard. We deserve respect, and we will NOT be silenced by those who'd be happier if we didn't exist! We're not some Supernatural TV thing that'll come kill people in their sleep, we ARE people, and I'm done being quiet.

If I haven't responded to your ask yet and I've clearly answered ones that came after, it's probably because I'm planning a detailed response for it!!

#tulpamancy advice - tag for advice I've given! Check it out if you've got any questions

#making wonderlands - tag for wonderland/headspace advice!

Wondering why I'm taking so long to post stuff?

Here's a shitfuckton of plural resources!!

The difference between tulpa hosts & system hosts!

🔥 Blog dedicated to @eeveecraft

🔥 @moonpool-system is our main system blog

🔥 Times I've been called a bitch counter: 2

🔥 PLURALPUNK + PSYCHEPUNK + UNITYPUNK 🔥

DNI/Stereotypical controversy:

Our only DNI is that if you don't respect the existence of myself and other plurals, get out. That means transmeds and sysmeds can fuck off too, go find someplace else to be a bigot ✨ If you're an endo neutral/anti endo singlet we have P-DID so like actually consider who your exclusion is hurting thanks. Support all of us or admit you're an unsafe place for us.

I'm adding this too - I'm not fucking talking about the trans/ID or rad/queer community here. IMO "transplural" is just a fancy label for wanting to be plural, but I'm not in a place other than that to decide which ID labels are shitty and which aren't. Rad/queers, however, can fuck off. Okay? Ok. Here's some elaboration on that.

I don't agree with every single opinion of every single blog I interact with or reblog from, that's ridiculous. Read my posts, read my replies, but don't assume things about me based on other people. This fight against anti-plural rhetoric is about all of us, but that doesn't mean I agree about everything with every one of my allies. Purity is a tool of bigotry and we have more important problems to face than bickering.

If you're actually worried about what you've heard is cultural ap/propriation, consider this instead: Did you know you're listening to a rumor that originated with sysmeds who tell you that a directly researchable, blatantly open religion is closed, deny and call into question spiritual leaders' words on what meditations can be shared, and can't produce any examples of tangible harm?? (We have asked and gotten answers, by the way.) Anyways, if you're neutral about this or actually trying to learn, do research. Don't let sysmeds with a savior complex dictate what's harmful. There're tons of different people out there with different opinions that aren't homogeneous and shouldn't be treated as such. It's fucking embarrassing we have to go to these people to ask if the etymology of a goddamn word is ok to use anyways, it's time to stop forcing this shit on other ppl. Okay? OK. Sysmeds and aggressive anti-tulpa shit will either be fucking deleted from my ask box or used as an example of why they're wrong.

[panelshowsource]

If you had to pick a top three favorite episodes of any panel shows EVER, which would you choose? One of mine would have to be Terry Wogan guest hosting old NMTB, which I am dying to watch again in my lifetime. Your old-NMTB-posting reminded me just how amazing and formative those old episodes were for me. Anyway, it got me thinking… I would love to hear yours!

as long as i'm allowed to answer this totally subjectively...! because the objectively most iconic panel show episodes are probably quite different to the ones i gravitate to especially for rewatching — and especially in this difficult recent climate 🫥

this choice is almost bizarre knowing me, a huge huge huge sean lock fan, but this episode of cats does countdown — without sean! and not even golden era, probably, whatever that is in my mind — is so ridiculous and chaotic and stupid that i've watched it about 1000 times. there's something very specific about the dynamic between jimmy, jon, roisin, and joe without sean; those four have been in quite a few episodes without sean and they're like actual children without an adult in the room: jon is goofier and completely lets go of the game, jimmy throws even more to roisin (we do not talk enough about what a fucking kick jimmy gets out of her), roisin and joe's insane sibling dynamic becomes next level. anyways—this episode, which includes rly funny mascots, glory hole, the fucking hoop game and joe eating an onion and jon eating peppers???, THE UNICORN, its sheer childishness just cracks me up every time :') (if we're gonna mention the golden age, 2.02 is very iconic — from rhod killin it and always arguing with jimmy to claude to nick x susie hahaha but i have sooooo many catsdown episodes i love love love)

i really love the episode of 8 out of 10 cats following jimmy's tax scandal. it's not one of my favourite panel shows in general, but the circumstances of the news and the discussion epitomised what the show was meant to be: panel show meets reality tv meets a comedy central roast. watching that live, as the news was running it so heavily that even the prime minister mentioned it, as the press and twitter were reacting to it... wild times. it holds up incredibly well — it's hilarious watching them rip him to shreds, because he deserves every word and they're having a ball doing it to him, and i really appreciate jon grounding the conversation in just how tax avoidance hurts their country and some of its hardest workers — a really interesting, engaging mix of comedy and anger and wit and disappointment and political commentary that is not only funny but strikingly relevant no matter how much time passes. like so, so many people who were so, so disappointed in jimmy, this was the foundation of his carrying the responsibility, shame, reflection, and growth that people wanted to see — and that he truly needed to. since then he's talked a lot about not only righting the wrong (in paying back what he owed in avoidance) but just how the system is so broken — and taking the least complicated, most honest road forward since.

now i want to pick 1000 different things this is why i don't make lists or rank things!!!!! while my instinct is to pick a big fat quiz, i'm actually gonna go top-level nostalgia and say this episode of buzzcocks when stephen fry was a guest. what can i say — simon, stephen, it was two intellectual, mildly bitchy homosexuals on a stacked panel including josie long, dominic cooper, and yet another skinny white rock man for simon to pretend he's not trying to flirt with. stephen saying "there is a history, in pop music, of recto-veginal insertion" and denouncing god, like, in the first 5 minutes? stephen doing the intros round?? did i mention history boys-era dominic cooper??? such a throwback!!! (not to cheat but this ep with josh groban & martin freeman is my runner up)

i want to apologise to big fat quiz, taskmaster, wilty... THE WHOLE HISTORY OF PANEL SHOWS... I WISH I COULD CHOOSE YOU ALL

[verdantcrimson]

Heaven and Earth / Discernment of Heaven and Earth - 3

(Unproofread)

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[At the same time, in Florence at Nobunaga-sensei’s invitation]

Nobunaga: ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ was originally a show that the old geezer— Ieyasu-sensei put together.

Nobunaga: That geezer, who was a college student at the time, came up with the idea while out drinking with a friend of his who would go on to work at a TV station. They worked together to build the project from the ground up and bring it to fruition.

Nobunaga: Seems like he underwent a lot of hardship when he started off.

Nobunaga: That’s only natural. If you say “Everyone, let’s learn history! It’ll be fun!”, you’re not exactly going to hear “Wow! That sounds so interesting!” in return.

Nobunaga: Regardless, it just so happened that there was a super idol at the time who was a history enthusiast, and by having him host the show they managed to get quite a bit of attention.

Nobunaga: And well, you know how the story goes, that’s how ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ became the long-running show that all history enthusiasts know about.

Nobunaga: What was once the idle talk of a couple of dreamers in a bar is now reality.

Souma: I apologize for interrupting you, however, erm, it is a bit difficult to concentrate on what is being said when one is having cosmetics applied to one’s face.

Souma: I am truly very sorry. However, I am not accustomed to women, and thus, feel uncomfortable when they touch me, even if it may be through makeup utensils.

Nobunaga: Ahah, that’s so idol-esque of you. You’ve got a pure image.

Nobunaga: Relax. I’m married, and I’m not so shameless as to lay a hand on a kid.

Souma: Um, truly? I did not come across such information while searching on the ‘intaanetto’ dictionary though…?

Nobunaga: Do you think everything in the world is written in a dictionary?

Nobunaga: It isn’t a properly registered marriage. That country is so fucking antiquated, there’s still a strong social opposition to ‘that sort of thing’.

Nobunaga: Hey, wanna see a pic? My partner is really cute, right? ♪

Souma: Ah… Is that the reason for which you were traveling overseas, Nobunaga-sensei?

Nobunaga: Nope, I do it because of my work and hobbies. Don’t you think it’s kind of old-fashioned to think that you have to put your own life aside in order to devote yourself to the person you marry?

Souma: Sorry, I myself am of the old-fashioned sort.

Nobunaga: That's a good thing though, isn’t it? Just because something is modern, doesn’t mean it’s all that great.

Nobunaga: Honestly, I personally just don’t care. I don’t give a fuck about what other people think of me.

Souma: I have yet to reach a stage of enlightenment where I am able to separate those two things.

Souma: Even someone like myself is concerned about the judgement of others… Which is why I find that having my makeup done in public is rather mortifying. 

Nobunaga: People don’t take much interest in other people. However—

Nobunaga: If I’m too mean to a young kid, I’ll be accused of power harassment, so I’ll let you off the hook for now. 

Nobunaga: Let me see. Mhm, mhm, looks good.

Souma: Forgive me for asking so many questions, but what was the purpose of doing this…?

Nobunaga: Obviously, appearances are important, right?

Nobunaga: I think the reason ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ started to decline in popularity is because it comes across as a show that’s difficult to get into.

Nobunaga: That’s why, first things first, we’ll revolutionize the visuals.

Nobunaga: Even if we kept the contents of the show as is, having cute young men holding the discussion is more appealing than listening to a bunch of old zombies overgrown with moss mumble and grumble, don’t you think?

Nobunaga: I think that quality is one of the strengths of idols like you guys. Ah, I don’t mean to mock you or imply that you’re just mannequins or anything like that though.

Nobunaga: I’m being completely honest. Appearances matter.

Souma: I see…… So then, should I take this to be your proposal for reforming ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’, Nobunaga-sensei?

Nobunaga: Yeah. It's a technique that you people are quite familiar with. Cramming the screen full of beautiful and lovable sorts of things.

Nobunaga: Worst comes to worst, anything will work as grounds for discussion. It could be history, the latest games, comics, or substanceless chatter, whatever is fine.

Nobunaga: But the fact is. If you want someone to listen to what you’re saying, you have to make them look at you first.

Nobunaga: That’s what makeup is for. So I’m going to turn that crusty old geezer that everyone calls ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ into a charming young man that’ll make everyone fall in love.

Nobunaga: I’ll change every single aspect of the show, including the title logo. It’ll be stylish.

Nobunaga: I’ll hire a bunch of talented and trendy makeup artists and designers to transform the show into something that young people will adore.

Nobunaga: It’ll be rock ’n’ roll, got it?

Souma: Hehe. It seems as though you would get along better with Oogami-dono than with me, Nobunaga-sensei.

Nobunaga: Mhm. I’m one of the ‘Three Sages’— As creepy as the title is, I was one of the last of the three to begin working on the show.

Nobunaga: It was like stepping into the cafeteria of an old age home, all worn out. The atmosphere of it all. Even though our society is aging, it’s an issue if the only people that can enjoy the show are old geezers and hags.

Nobunaga: Actually, no. I’ve always been jealous. In all the other shows, I saw that idols were farming, and cooking, doing all sorts of things.

Nobunaga: They brought to light things that people wouldn’t have been interested in otherwise.

Nobunaga: But there was no such light illuminating the subject of ‘History’, nothing for ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Nobunaga: From the dimness of waning dusk, I looked on with envy, thinking to myself, “It’s just not fair”, “It must be nice for you, huh?”

Nobunaga: Back when the show started, that super idol made it shine. But by the time I got involved with the show, that light had already faded away.

Souma: Certainly, the original host of ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ continued to work up until he was quite aged, and from thereon, each consequent generation of hosts that followed have all been older gentlemen.

Nobunaga: Senile old geezers, y’know. That’s why they’ve had to keep replacing the host, because they’d all eventually get close to the end of their lives, and that’s why the show’s been suspended. It’s because the last host ended up dying.

Souma: Indeed. And thus, the task has befallen us.

Nobunaga: I think that right now is our chance. We’ll use the power of cute young men to our advantage, and while we’re at it, revamp everything to be new and more attractive—

Souma: Hm…… I heard this not directly, as I am not the one in charge of that particular person, however, It seems as though Hideyoshi-sensei expressed a similar sentiment.

Nobunaga: Hah? What’d that monkey¹ say?

Souma: Although his ‘appurouchi’ differs, he too, is attempting to boldly change ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Souma: I still await a detailed report from Hasumi-dono, who is currently in charge of him, however, there is contemplation of adding a sort of storytelling aspect to ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’.

Nobunaga: Huff…… Aaah, so that’s how it is.

Nobunaga: I already know what I want to do though. That guy’s just in my way.

Nobunaga: Storytelling focus and visual focus just don’t mix well.

Nobunaga: Everyone’s tastes change by the minute, and if you keep spinning tales with the same characters, people will just get bored eventually, and then—

Nobunaga: Well, that’s fine by him, isn't it? All he cares about is short-term profits. But anyways…

Souma: Profits are of great importance. ‘Rumbling Heaven and Earth’ has been running itself aground precisely because it is lacking in them.

Nobunaga: Whenever the concept of ‘profit’ becomes involved, things get messy fast. You work in the industry, so you’re probably well aware that things get tricky once the ‘sponsor’s demands’ come up.

Nobunaga: If you’re not careful, everything will just fall into pieces and disintegrate. 

Nobunaga: The person in charge of that playboy, Hasumi-kun, was it? Tell him to stay on guard. That monkey, he’s basically a con artist, so if you trust him, you’re gonna look like a huge idiot.

Souma: That will certainly not be an issue. Hasumi-dono has always been a personage of justice, who has been able to outwit and subdue even the slyest of old foxes².

Souma: As such, that Hasumi-dono will surely be able to steer adeptly without being deceived by Hideyoshi-sensei— I have faith in him.

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Translation Notes

Nobunaga-sensei refers to Hideyoshi-sensei as a 'monkey', similar to how the actual historical figure Toyotomi Hideyoshi was nicknamed 'Monkey' (猿), as jab at his unsightly appearance. Oda Nobunaga is known to have made fun of Toyotomi Hideyoshi's appearance, most notably calling him a 'bald rat' in a letter to his wife. The origins of this particular nickname are unknown, however.

Souma uses the 4 letter idiom 海千山千, which literally translates to "A thousand years in the ocean, A thousand years in the mountains". I chose the closest English equivalent, but it is used to refer to someone who is both crafty and experienced. This idiom finds it's origins in a legend that states that 'A snake who has lived 1000 years in the ocean and 1000 years in the mountains will turn into a dragon.' Seeing as dragons and snakes are notable reoccurring motifs for AKATSUKI, I thought it would be worth noting.

[katareyoudrilling]

Construction Corner (AU Joel Miller x Female Reader) Episode 3: The Moreno Family

Fandom: The Last of Us/Pedro Pascal

Pairing: TV Host Joel Miller x divorced Female Reader

Summary: Joel and Reader go on a date!

Word count: 2.2k

Rating: Explicit (18+ only. NO MINORS)

Content Warnings: Alternate Universe, cameos galore, inaccuracies about tv show production, filming, and construction, f masturbation, heavy petting (I guess?)

A/N: Extreme weather and a resulting internet outage kept me from posting this earlier today, but it gave me time to make sure that it’s just how I want.  I hope you enjoy!  Reader is divorced and in her late 30s but is otherwise a blank slate.  Big thank you to @wheresarizona​ and @just-here-for-the-moment​ for the help!

Comments and reblogs very much appreciated!

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Just a little more…

You like that?

So good for me…

Let me hear you…

You wake up with a gasp, sweaty and tangled in your sheets, the heel of your right hand pressed against your center.  You are on the verge of coming from the hottest, filthiest sex dream you’ve ever had… starring one Joel Miller.  You debate what to do about the throbbing between your legs.  Take care of it or hope it goes away?  Your hips grind against your hand of their own accord, your body apparently deciding for you.

Relaxing your legs, you begin circling your clit.  It doesn’t take long until you’re throwing your head back as your pussy pulses around nothing.

“What the fuck?” you pant, lying limp on the bed after.  Joel’s confession seems to have flipped a switch inside you.  It has been an interesting couple of days, to say the least.  A part of you that has lain dormant for a long time has suddenly come back to life.

If your body lights up at just the memory of him kissing your hand, what will it do when he kisses your mouth? Or lower?  You whimper into your pillow as heat pools in your belly once again.

He asked you to take your time to make sure you were ready and you’ve been thinking of little else since that conversation.  On paper, it feels fast.  Your divorce is only a few months old.  But, in reality, your marriage was over long before.

You have lived enough life to know you can trust your gut.  You appreciate that he gave you time, but you know what you want.

You glance at your alarm clock.  You’re due on set in an hour, just enough time for a much needed cold shower before you head out.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You can hear the voiceover in your head as you watch the B-roll the crew shot last week…

When single dad, Marcus, and his daughter, Missy, aren’t busy with work and school, they love watching movies and cooking dinner together.  Marcus seemingly does it all… but he could use some help on his DIY project.

On the screen, Marcus and Missy throw a frisbee and set the table.  Marcus looks over Missy’s shoulder while she does homework, and she snuggles next to him on the couch.

These two are perfect for Construction Corner.

Their project isn’t a big one – a pretty standard bathroom remodel gone awry – which means the shooting schedule is packed into just two days, with another Austin shoot scheduled for the rest of the week.

Hopefully Marcus is ready for the fan mail that’s about to come his way… there is going to be A LOT of it.  An attractive single dad is HGTV catnip.  God knows Joel gets an astronomical amount.  At first, the network sent it to him, but he quickly asked that they stop.  He just couldn’t handle that much attention.

You wonder what he would think of what you did this morning… waking up to thoughts of him and getting yourself off.  Embarrassment heats your skin, and you fan yourself with your notebook to cool down.  Then another thought occurs to you… what if he liked the idea?  That has you fanning yourself even more.

“Hey, lady!” Your dirty thoughts are interrupted by a friendly voice nearby.

“Marlene! Hi! I didn’t know you were visiting today.”  You wrap your friend up in a big hug.  One of the best parts about shoot days in Austin were that friends often came to set to visit.  Marlene works for the local PBS station that first aired Construction Corner.  Since the show moved to HGTV, you haven’t seen nearly as much of her.

“I thought we would stop by to say hello.” Just then, Marlene’s adopted daughter, Ellie, a precocious 8-year-old, spies Joel near the craft services table.

“Jooooooeeeellll!” She squeals as she runs over to him and leaps into his arms.

“Hello, darlin’,” he laughs as he gives her a hug. “You got a joke for me?”

“Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?” she asks seriously.

“I dunno, why did the monkey fall out of the tree?” he replies, just as seriously.

“Cuz it was dead,” Ellie replies dryly.

“Ellie!” Joel barks out a surprised laugh.  “What’s your mama lettin’ you watch?”  He looks over to Marlene, who smiles and shrugs.  “Want to go look at the tools?”  Ellie nods enthusiastically, and the two of them set off together, but not before Joel looks back at you and winks.

“What was that?” Marlene turns to you in confusion.

“Oh… well…”

“Spill.”

“It’s just that… we might… start seeing each other,” you mumble.

“Lady! That’s great!” She pulls you into another hug.

“You think so?  It’s all very new.”

“Of course, I think so! You deserve the very best, and Joel is one of the best men I know.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that.  It’s a little weird, with work and all… but I really want to,” you admit with a whine.

“It’s not like either of you actually works for the other.  Go for it!”

“I think I will,” you smile to yourself.  Joel and Ellie are making their way back to you.  Ellie is chattering excitedly about something while Joel nods along.

“Well, we’d better take off,” Marlene takes Ellie’s hand.  “It was great to see you both!”

After another round of hugs and whispered promises to tell her everything, Marlene and Ellie make their way back to their car, leaving you and Joel standing together for the first time since your hotel room last week.

“Hi,” he ventures, tentatively.

“Hi,” you reply, biting your lip. “I’ve been thinking about what you said last week.”

“Is that right?” the low rasp of his voice sends a swoop of pleasure to your belly.

“I think I’d like to go on that date you offered.”

Joel’s eyes crinkle as he breaks into a slow grin.  “How about tomorrow?  I’ll pick you up at 7.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“What we’re gonna do next is caulk around the new countertop,” Joel explains to Marcus and Missy as you listen over the monitor.  “I’m gonna show you a trick to make sure it’s nice and neat, not like what was in here before.”  Marcus looks sheepish.  “It’s ok, it’s trickier than it looks.  The pros do this all day and make it look easy.  But we’re gonna use tape.”  Joel holds up a roll of blue painter's tape and then starts lining it up carefully on either side of where the caulk line will be.

He hands two rolls of tape to Marcus and Missy and lets them do the rest.  Once they’ve finished, he continues, “You’ll lay your line of caulk, smooth it with your finger, then remove the tape and have a straight and even line. Ready?” Joel hands the caulk gun to Marcus.

Marcus takes it from him solemnly and does as Joel explained.  Joel nods his approval as Marcus pulls off the tape, leaving a perfectly caulked vanity.

“See how nice that looks?  Don’t be a hero.  Use the tape,” Joel says, patting Marcus on the back.

“Hear that, Dad?” Missy interjects.

“I heard him,” Marcus laughs and hip-checks his daughter.  Joel smiles at them proudly, another job complete.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You open your door to a very handsome man.

Joel has cleaned up since the shoot this afternoon.  He replaced his worn work jeans with dark, crisp ones that hug his hips.  Instead of a t-shirt, he wears a button-down with the collar open and the sleeves rolled up.  His hair is stylishly mussed.  Knowing him, it probably just does that on its own.

His warm brown eyes skate up your body, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you reply, shy under his gaze.  You opted for a sundress since the fall evening was still rather warm, the fabric brushing softly over your skin.

Joel reaches for your hand and leads you to his truck, opening the door for you to climb in.  He circles the front and gets in his door as you settle yourself in the seat.

“I made us a reservation at Fonda San Miguel, if that’s alright?”

“Joel, that’s my favorite restaurant!  It sounds wonderful.” You reach over and squeeze his arm.  He smiles happily as he puts the truck into gear.

“Thought I remembered somethin’ like that,” he says casually as he turns out of your parking lot, and your heart squeezes.

Dinner passes in a blur of delicious food and lively conversation.  Fonda San Miguel’s eclectic backdrop is perfect for a relaxed yet special first date.

You and Joel know each other well, so there isn’t the awkwardness of most first dates, but there’s still a lot you don’t know about each other’s histories.

Over bacon wrapped shrimp with jalapeño and cheese, you fill him in on your marriage and divorce, how you’ve realized that you’ve been lonely for a long time.

While digging into Cochinita Pibil, he tells you how he had never dreamed that he would be able to provide a college education for Sarah, how his dreams are so much bigger now, how he wants to do good in the world.

Between bites of a shared Tres Leches Cake, you agree that this feels right and exciting.  Your eyes lock over the table.

On the drive back to your apartment, words begin to fail as anticipation builds between you.

Joel gets out of the truck first and opens your door.  He holds your hand as you lower yourself out of the cab.

You’ve barely touched tonight – only chaste hands over the table – but now your body is just inches away from his, and you sway towards him.  He moves his hand to your waist.

“Can I kiss you?” he rasps with an edge of desperation.

You nod eagerly, and he closes the short distance between you.  His plush lips brush gently against yours – exploring, tasting.  He cradles your jaw in his strong hands as he delves into your mouth, urging you to open for him.  You grasp his hips to hold yourself steady.

The heat of his body warms you through your thin sundress and you can’t get enough.  Your hands roam over his muscled back and down his firm biceps.  His mouth on yours is warm… soft… insistent.  After an eternity, and far too soon, he breaks the kiss.

“Would you like to come inside for a drink?” you blurt out and he nods at you with heavy-lidded eyes.

You lead him into your apartment and into the tiny kitchen.  The door has barely closed behind him when he spins you up against the counter and dives back into your mouth.  His hands roam more freely this time, digging into your hip bones and sliding up your ribs, nudging at the swell of your breasts.

You press into his front and are rewarded with the hard line of his erection against your stomach.  You moan and grind into him even more.

“You’re gonna kill me with the sounds you make, sweetheart,” Joel growls, nipping at your neck, hands moving lower over your ass.  With a hand under each thigh, he hoists you up onto the counter.  Your knees frame his slim hips.  You pull him towards you with your heels, craving friction against your center.

His hands dip under the hem of your skirt.  They skate up your bare thighs until his thumbs brush the edge of your underwear – calloused fingertips on silky skin.

“Please, Joel,” you beg between wet, desperate kisses.  He complies and slips his thumb under, cursing raggedly when he finds your slippery folds.

You rock your hips into his hand as he kisses down your neck and across your collarbone all the while circling your clit.  You come undone with a gasp of his name and slump against his chest.

Joel holds you firmly against him as he drags his mouth across your temple, your forehead, and finally back to your lips for slow, languid kisses as your breathing evens out.

“I should go,” he rumbles against your mouth.

“But… no... what about you?” you look up at him in hazy confusion.

“I’ll be ok,” he assures you before dragging his thumb down your cheek and pulling at your lower lip.  “It’s getting late… and I want to take my time with you.”  A shiver runs up your spine at the promise in his words.

“Don’t go, please,” you whisper, looking up at him.

“Sweetheart, I know, I’m sorry,” he pulls you into his chest, wrapping his strong arms around you, “but we have to be on set so early tomorrow.  We don’t have time tonight for what I have planned for you.”  He pulls back and lifts your chin to look you in the eye.  “I promise, I’ll make it worth the wait.”

You whimper and his eyes flash with want.  But he’s a patient man – a man who does things the right way – so, he helps you down from the counter and kisses you deeply at the door one last time before heading out into the night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

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A/N: for anyone not familiar, this episode’s cameo is from the movie “We Can Be Heroes”

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[platonicjesus]

omg i really love how you have written about Umbrella Man and Aiden, I was wondering if you were planning on writing for more of them, I would love to see Frei, there is so few of his content

Nice to see you, darling companion. So you've been hosting an Oracle, you say ? And who is it ? The TV World's Oracle, I see. I've spoken to them a few centuries ago ! My age-? Doesn't matter, dear. Ah… tell me, what's their name now ? Frei.. I see. You like him.. Well, I can't help you. Kidding, of course. I think my memory from him is still intact…

-Oh, you know, you're quite lucky. Frei doesn't get mad that easily, so pester him all you want with your sob stories. If he says anything rude, remember that he's trying his best to make you feel better. He may try to give reality checks, but he's way too straightforward, which will end up coming as insensitive and runcaring.

-Talking about that, I remember that Frei was quite a teaser. Please, ignore his mean comments. He's quite bad with the concept of empathy !

-He may force himself onto you. Forgive him, as he's really bad with human norms. He doesn't quite have the notion of personal space, and may do stuff for you even if you insisted on not needing any help.

-But that's not neccesarily a bad thing ! He'll tidy your mind to make sure it's less of a mess. Use it as your adventage ! Maybe he'll make you remember an embarassing moment from your childhood, though. He IS a teaser.

-Don't trust him near a stove. Don't ask why, just don't let him approach any cooking equipment. Never.

-He's very philosophical. You doubtlessly will have deep talks with him about death, ego, reality, etc. and he will likely tell you some philosophic sentences. Here's a bad exemple; “I think, therefore I am". 

-If he makes you mad and realises he fucked up, it might take him a day before apologising and making it up to you. However, it will be a meaningful apology, since he wants you to feel better.

-However if he makes you mad but you were in the wrong for some reasons, he will give you reality checks. How dare you take it bad when he told you empathy was meaningless ! Now he shall remind you that you only feel obligated to be sad about that stranger over there.

-Hopefully for you, Frei is quite cuddly too. But don't be surprised if he hugs you from behind and nuzzles you. I did mention that he pushes himself into people, after all. At least you have someone to sleep next to.

-His love languages are physical touch and act of service. Okay, he's bad at act of service.. but it's the thought that counts ! Even if the thought is ignoring your emotions and sadness to tell you it doesn't matter because “you didn't know them”. Get ready for hand holdings, and get ready to have your hair played with if you're not bald.

-As for his kisses… he's millions of year old, he's an Oracle ! Of course he has experience. He told me he was rather good, not that I can confirm. He had also told me he could be soft or rough, depending on what he feels like doing.. I wish I didn't know that.

There are so many things to say about the Oracle, but I think you should discover all these other things by yourself. Tell Frei that I said hi, alright ? I'll be supporting you through your confession to Frei ! I'm sure he likes you too. Always believe in yourself, alright ? Or don't.

[hoodoo12]

Foul Play

If you haven’t heard of it:

“ Foul Play is a digital, immersive, improvised comedy murder mystery game from the minds of folks from Broadway, tabletop gaming (Dimension 20, Dungeons and Dragons), and comedy (Upright Citizens’ Brigade, The Phoenix). Think of it as “Clue,” but improv comedy, but “Sleep No More,” but digital. “

The one I bought a ticket for was "The True Real Life of Real Life People", a murder mystery set in a reality TV show. Alex Brightman was the "host" and many other actors including Rob McClure played characters who came back to the show for a "special reunion". Like a murder mystery party, no one had much time to prepare who they were playing and had to open cards to find out more information about themselves and the plot. Then they--and the audience--had to work to find out who killed the victim.

What I discovered it that with twelve different cameras + so many characters it is hard to solve the mystery of ‘who done it’, but it was silly fun to watch with lots of laugh out loud improv.

There’s a discord server where people can talk (mostly just repeating funny lines so no one missed them, lol) and solve the mystery. I personally gave random updates to another Beetlejuice fan who wasn’t watching it, so I’m sure it seemed super weird without context. That was part of the fun, so you get them too:

It is weird af and I don't really know what is happening, so I am just watching Alex and Rob

It is improv and as we know, Alex is really good at it 

His character is Jimmy F. Pop. Someone said, "Jimmy, fuck--" and he replied, "No one has used my middle name in so long! James Fuck Pop."

Now there is a zombie apocalypse, lol

ROB IS MAKING WEAPONS

He is going from room to room for weapons!

Now he had a sieve as a helmet and a garage can lid as body armor

Now Alex is laying in a bunkbed like he is in a coffin

Alex just said, "I am Jimmy Fuck Pop corn and I don't care"

His character has extreme daddy issues

HE IS SO SWEATY

He mistakenly called someone else Jimmy. That person called him out and he said he was recently diagnosed with narcissism

"We as men are a nightmare."

"She is a motherfucking zombie."

Now he is painting his nails for why?

NOW WHITE NAIL POLISH ON HIS FACE FOR WHY

Redneck uneducated Rob is trying to save everyone even though he "just heard his mom eat his dad over the phone."

NOW HE JUST DROPPED HIS CHARACTER AND SAID HIS REAL NAME IS ALEX BRIGHTMAN A CHARACTER HE'S BEEN DOING FOR YEARS AND IS NOW SAD HE CAN'T DO A MENAGE A TROIS

"Time for a makeup tutorial at the end of the world. Chose black. The color of anger. The color of lust. The color of ants. This will be our little secret: I killed JFK."

He just asked for a show of hands would like to eat Rob's ass

A DOUBLE CROSS?!!?!

IT'S ALL TWISTY

(I did not guess the killer correctly but that's okay. It was a fun way to watch improv weirdness on a Friday night)

[theculturedmarxist]

Whatever the Democrats say they're pissed at Trump about, him being a fascist, "grab her by the pussy," secret documents, whatever, what really drove them fucking insane was that he went out and talked to all the millions of middle-Americans in "flyover country" the Democrats abandoned then spent decades disparaging as backwards, inbred, racist dullards—told them that their grievances were legitimate, that he'd do something about it, and then used that to beat the Democrats. The very same people that had elevated him in the first place because they thought he'd be such a clown that no one would ever even think about voting for him, and then tens of millions of them did if only to spite them in general and Hillary in particular.

That's the real reason why Trump makes the Democrats so fucking insane: class hatred. For all their bona fides and Ivy League diplomas, all their unpaid internships, all their credentials, extra curricular activities, and lifetimes spent sucking up to their social betters to prove just how superior and able and deserving of power they are, at the end of the day they were beat by a vulgar reality TV show host and the millions of regular people that they absolutely despise.