#to the point where I hesitate to call myself a fan

[daintyduck99]

Shuffle your favourite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favourite mutuals <3 (ps if there's not at least 2 Swift songs in there I will be shocked)

❤️ I shuffled my On Repeat Playlist (I don't really have a singular favorite) and only got one Taylor Swift song somehow 😆 Fitting that it's shaping up to be my favorite from her latest album though. I do have two Olivia songs for you, however 😌

1. My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crow

2. obsessed - Olivia Rodrigo

3. Song About You - The Band CAMINO

4. Who's Afraid of Little Old Me? - Taylor Swift

5. girl i've always been - Olivia Rodrigo

[koiiiji]

lookism x reader. between takes

summary ; lookism actually is a series, and all guys are just actors, same as you, so you happen to meet with them backstage.

starring ; seongji, jungoo, jongun, gimyong

SEONGJI x demon!reader

the bustling film set was alive with energy. you were taking a break from your role, when you spotted Seongji Yook across the lot. his team was filming scenes for “lookism,” in the mountains of cheongliang too. you couldn't help but smile at the sight of your friend. Seongji noticed you and waved, making his way over with a grin. “nice horns. going for a new look?”

you laughed, adjusting your tail. “just trying something different. how’s the day going on your end?” he shrugged, glancing at his hands and feet. “i feel kinda weird with this,” he said, gesturing to the fake extra finger on each hand and foot.

“really?” you asked ironically, pointing at your demoniacal makeup, horns on your forehead and the tail behind you. “i think we’re both quite the spectacle here”

as you both found a quiet spot to sit, the conversation flowed easily. you talked about your roles, shared behind-the-scenes stories, and teased each other about your costumes.

“you make a pretty convincing demon,” Seongji said, his tone teasing yet sincere. “i’d say you’re stealing the show.”

“thanks, but i think you’re the real star,” you replied, meeting his gaze. “i saw you on set, your scenes have been incredible, your appearance in “lookism” will blow the whole show.”

there was a comfortable silence, the kind only shared between good friends. yet beneath it, there was an unspoken tension, that nobody dared to speak about. Seongji leaned back, watching the crew set up for the next scene. “you know, i’ve always admired how dedicated you are to your roles.”

your heart skipped a beat, his words feeling more personal than casual. “thank you, Seongji, i really appreciate it!”

and before you knew it, the break was over, and you both had to return to your sets. as you stood, Seongji hesitated for a moment. “hey, maybe we could grab dinner after filming wraps up?”

the invitation hung in the air, filled with possibilities. “i’d like that,” you replied, trying to contain your excitement.

with a shared smile, you parted ways, the encounter leaving you with a sense of anticipation.

JUNGOO x pirate!reader

cozy coffee shop was bustling with the morning crowd. you felt a bit out of place in your full pirate costume — with oversized shirt, high knee boots and tight corset, complete with a big hat adorned with feathers and all small accessories everywhere. your team took a break from filming, you all needed a caffeine boost. as you waited for your order, the door chimed, and in walked Jungoo Kim. you heard that his team filming “lookism” somewhere near your location. his costume torn in some spots and covered in fake blood, his skin in bruises from a fight scene and hair is messy. despite his rough appearance, he carried himself with his usual charismatic confidence.

your eyes met briefly, and you both did a double take. you recognized him instantly — you kinda were his fan, he is an actor you secretly admired and respected.

he recognized you as well, approaching with a playful grin, trying to play it cool. “ahoy there, captain,” he called out with a playful grin as he sauntered over. “looking for treasure, or have you already stolen it with that outfit?”

you laughed, tipping your hat. “just trying to keep myself and the crew in line.” you smiled, waving your head to the side where your set colleagues were sitting, feeling your cheeks warm. “and what about you, mister criminal? fighting off enemies before breakfast?”

Jungoo smirked, leaning in conspiratorially. “thought i’d see if the rumors were true about a captivating pirate queen causing a stir. seems they were right.”

you leaned back on the counter, smiling conspiratorially at him, playing along with his little performance, “ah, so you're not here by chance, and it's you the one who are looking for treasure here” you smiled teasingly, lifting your chin, the feathers on your hat trembled slightly.

“well, you caught me,” he chuckled, eyes twinkling. “i do have a knack for looking for treasures. maybe i should join your crew — think you could handle the competition?”

“only if you promise not to steal my spotlight,” you bantered back, imagining him in a tricorn hat and boots.

Jungoo leaned closer, lowering his voice as if sharing a secret. “i promise to keep the spotlight firmly on you. though, i might steal a dance from the captain.”

the playful exchange left you smiling, and you found yourself enjoying his company more than expected.

“i have to admit, i’ve been a fan of your work for a while,” he confessed, suddenly trying to sound nonchalant. “your performances are always captivating.”

surprised and flattered, you replied, “really? i’ve been following your career too. your fight scenes with sword are legendary.”

but as the director burst into the cafe and barked at everyone, urging them to return to set to start filming, Jungoo offered you a wink. “break a leg, captain. i’ll be here to catch you if you fall.”

with a wave, you returned to your role, feeling a bit more buoyant from the encounter.

JONGUN x black swan!reader

film studio was a maze of sets and props, buzzing with activity. you were navigating the corridors, adjusting to the thick black eye lenses you wore for your role as the black swan in upcoming film. they made everything difficult to see, but the effect was stunning on camera.

as you carefully made your way to the break room, you suddenly collided with someone. the impact, unexpected and strong, caused you to lose your balance and fall.

“whoa!” a deep voice exclaimed. you found yourself looking up at Park Jongun, who was also wearing the same intense black lenses for his role on the neighbor set.

“i’m so sorry!” you said, embarrassed as you tried to regain your footing. Jongun quickly helped you up, grabbing your wrist, pulling. you to his broad chesr, a little harder then he should have. his grip steady. “no, it’s my fault. these lenses make it hard to see anything.”

“tell me about it. i’ve been bumping into everything.” you laughed softly, brushing yourself off. he glanced at your costume, noticing the contrast between your delicate ballerina attire and his all bruised and blooded body makeup. “looks like we’re playing quite opposite roles.” he said, finally losing his grip and letting you go.

“yeah,” you admitted, feeling a bit self-conscious. “i had to lose a lot of weight for this role, so i’m not exactly steady on my feet.”

Jongun offered you a charm smile. “you look incredible, though. very convincing as a ballerina.”

“thanks,” you replied, appreciating his kindness. “i’m guessing you’re the tough guy in your film?”

he nodded, a hint of pride and amusement in his voice. “yeah, shiro oni, always ready for few crazy fights. but i promise i’m not as scary in real life.”

as you continued talking, you found Jongun to be easygoing and surprisingly funny. you shared stories about your roles and the challenges of filming with these horrible jet black lenses.

“next time, we should get a guide dog,” he joked, making you laugh.

“or maybe just a cane,” you suggested, enjoying the lighthearted banter.

eventually, it was time to return to your respective sets. “it was nice bumping into you — literally. let’s try to meet again when we can actually see each other.” Jongun smiled dazzlingly again, gently clasping your wrist, and leaving a light, soft kiss your knuckles.

“deal?” he asked with a charm grin, while you stand there smiling shyly, feeling a newfound connection.

“i’d like that,” you replied, feeling grateful for the unexpected encounter. with a wave, you both headed back to work, the meeting leaving you with a smile and the possibility of a new connection.

GIMYONG x targaryen princess!reader

sun was beginning to set over the bustling film set near the sea, casting a warm glow on the neighboring sets of two popular series. one set belonged to the fantasy series where you played a targaryen princess, and the other to the hit show "lookism," where Gimyong had one of the main roles.

he had often glanced toward your set during breaks, intrigued by the regal world of dragons and thrones. he'd heard about y&u from mutual crew members and quietly admired you from afar.

but today, fate seemed to favor him. a scheduling overlap meant both productions were on a break simultaneously. seizing the opportunity, Gimyong wandered over, pretending to be curious about the elaborate set design.

as you stepped outside, still in your flowing, black gown embroidered with red and gold threads, depicting scales, tails and heads of dragons on the sleeves and collar. you saw Gimyong standing nearby, looking somewhat out of place in his black coat. classic black trousers, white shirt and loafers amidst the medieval backdrop.

“hey, aren't you from "lookism?"” you asked, recognizing him from the posters plastered around the studio. he abruptly pulled his hand away from the blue weird machine that soon will be turned into your dragon with computers cgi effects help. he beamed at you, intensively nodding. he was a bit surprised but pleased you knew of him. “yeah, i'm Gimyong. i've been curious about your set for a while. it's got quite the atmosphere.”

you smiled, appreciating his interest. “it's definitely a different world over here. i'm [y/n], by the way.”

“it's nice to finally meet you,”he said, but paused himself for a moment, glancing back at weird blue platform. he noticed once, that your team usually shoot scenes of flying on dragon's back on this thing. brilliant pick up line immediately was born in his head.

“sooo that’s supposed to be your dragon on screen, right?” he grinned, swinging onto the platform from behind, trying to play it cool, but it came out a little awkward, as you can see he is clearly nervous. you giggled softly, but decided to play along, already understanding what he was leading to.

“yes, his name is Vermithor, really huge dragon.” you elegantly covered your mouth with your hand, trying to hide a shameless smile, at Gimyong’s attempt to flirt.

“you know, im kinda dragon myself, being the son of a golden dragon… so how about safe the dragon and ride-” you couldn't let him finish the sentence, bursting into laughter from his pickup line and such a self-confident face. Gimyong was truly humongous man.

in fact, he was not confused or upset by your laughter, because in the end he amused you. his light laugh joined yours and he was happy that he made you laugh.

“no, but seriously, i’ve heard great things about your performance.”

“thank you! it’s been a dream role for me,” you replied warmly, your genuine smile still playing on your lips. “i’ve seen a few episodes of lookism — i absolutely in love with it! your character is such a gentleman.” you exclaimed admiringly, remembering all the scenes where Gimyong was filming with his 'mother', and how cheerful his character was, representing a wonderful leader.

as you talked, the conversation flowed naturally, and Gimyong felt his initial nervousness fading away. he found himself captivated not just by your talent, but by your genuine enthusiasm and kindness.

“maybe you could give me a tour of your set sometime?” Gimyong suggested, hoping to extend the conversation — and his time with you.

“i’d love that,” you replied, intrigued by the idea. “and maybe i could visit yours. i’ve always been curious about how you bring such a cool fightings to life.”

with a shared promise to explore each other’s worlds, Gimyong returned to his set with a newfound excitement. meeting you had been even better than he imagined, and he couldn't wait when you will visit his set, to show off in front of you with his skills and muscles.

[we-were-beautiful]

Marry me

Xaden x Sorrengail!oc

WC: 816

Warnings: None just Fluff

A/N: Well I decided to take part in a small writing Challenge. I had fun writing this little blurb and while it has the potential to turn into its own series; I am going to show self restraint by not doing that. The prompt was "I can never say 'no to you" From Jana over at @creativepromptsforwriting

Also fair warning; I didn't send this to any of my betas. So we die like men at this point

Thank you to @skyfallscotland and @justallihere for putting together the Fourth Wing Birthday Bash

Last but not least tumbr is being dumb and won’t let me post from my laptop so apologies about the formatting

“We should get married” I comment wrapping my arms around my beloved’s shoulders, fingers gently tracing along the scars at the top of his shoulders. I look up into his gold flecked onyx eyes and smile widely at him. Was the flight field after lessons the best place to have this conversation, probably not, but I couldn’t help myself. It had been an interesting lesson with a storm about to roll in; the thunder off in the distance rolling. But now with the rest of the third years and Professor Kaori heading back to the citadel, I figured given Xaden a small heart attack would be fun.

Where I would expect to see shock and hesitance on his face I only see a fond smile as he wraps his arms around my waist to pull me into his chest.

“When do you want to get married and how do you want to tell your mother and sisters?” I hadn’t thought of that.

It would be pretty easy to tell Violet. If I could get her away from her squad it would be as simple as that. Mira I could just write a letter too. Shed be pissed at first; she had specifically told me to stay away from Xaden. That didn’t work out since we ended up in the same squad with mated dragons; but Mira could get over it. She’d be happy for me eventually.

My mother; however, I completely forgot about. General Sorrengail hadn’t been a fan of the relationship and she had made it known to me once the word had made it to her office. That had been the only time I had formally gotten called to her office to make her displeasure known; but its been three years. Xaden and I work well together and we have been in love with each other for awhile now. Not to mention we are kinda stuck with each other until one of us dies so at one point or another she’s just going to have to learn to live with it.

I feel Tairn’s amusement in the back of my mind. The old curmudgeon had been riding my ass this last week about acting like a love sick puppy around Xaden. Like his grumpy ass isn’t the exact same way around Sgaeyl.

‘I heard that’ the rumbling voice flows through my head.

‘You were supposed to.’ I felt Tairn’s snout push at my back sending me further into Xaden’ s grasp ‘Tairn!!!’ I can hear Sgaeyl chuckle in my head.

‘I think I shall go get some sheep’ I’m not sure if it is the mighty beat of our dragons wings or thunder, but as the two dragons fly off the heavens open up above us and cold rain begins to pour down. Xaden lets out a hearty laugh squeezing me tightly.

“When do you want to get married love.” He leans down to whisper in my ear repeating his earlier question.

“Want to grab Garrick, Bodhi, Liam and Vi and sneak down to Chantara.” I would do it; grab our family and secretly get married today if he agreed.

“How about we wait until graduation. We can get our family together, before we fly to our post, and have a small ceremony.” He pushes a soaked strand of hair away from my face. “Then it gives you time to let Mira know, so she can try and get leave” leave it to this perfect man to remember that I wanted Mira there when I got married. While Brennen had Mom and Violet had Dad it had been Mira and I against the world. I still had all of the letters we had wrote to each other while she was in the quadrant and then when I started second year. She had to be there on our special day; she would kill me if I ran off today and got married.

“Ok Graduation it is then.” He looks even more breathtaking in the rain as water droplets roll down his skin.

“Alright then lets go Mrs.Riorson.” He lets go of me and moves towards the hidden tunnel entrance.

“Wait.” I call grabbing his hand to stop him. “Kiss me?” Is it cheesy and straight out of the romance books that I brought into the quadrant, yes. But I had always wanted to be kissed in the rain.

“Have I ever been able to say ‘no’ to you.” He gently cradles my face in his hands tilting my face upwards; his lips crash into mine is a passionate kiss. It starts out innocent enough but my hands quickly find their way to his hair and one of his finds its way to my ass. When we break apart we are gasping for breath; Xaden rest his forehead against mine and hazel eyes meet onyx “Marry me?”

“Yes.” I laugh and pull him into another kiss.

[oizysian]

IX. PRETENDING TO BE HUMAN

All Eyes on Me masterlist

Word count: 1.8k

•

Two weeks came and went and it was finally the day of the Hattie Harmony book tour in New York City.

I nervously paced in my apartment, my anxiety kicking in full force at the thought of not only being around Lizzie again, this time without Brie, but being around strangers and out of my element.

I took a deep breath and checked my phone again for the hundredth time. It was nearly time for me to leave and I couldn't help but think of all the things that could go wrong.

I unlocked my phone and went to my messages, texting Claire that I was chickening out. My phone rang almost instantly and I hesitated a moment before answering.

"Do not chicken out!"

"I'm freaking out. The first time was okay 'cos I was with Brie, but now I'll be on my own."

"And you'll be fine. I know you don't go out much because of your anxiety, but you need to do this. You'll regret it if you don't go."

"I know, you're right. I'll hate myself if I stay home instead of being there for Lizzie's big day."

"See? Do you wanna let your wife down? No, so get yourself ready and get down to that book tour."

"Okay, mom." I laughed, saying my goodbyes to my best friend and finally getting myself ready to go out.

It took me no more than ten minutes to get ready and call an Uber to take me into the city. I was beyond nervous - hell, I was damn scared, but I had to play it cool. I had to pretend that I was a normal human with no issues going out and functioning around other human beings.

The crowd in front of the bookstore was insane, and I realized most of them were decked out in Scarlet Witch gear. I smiled to myself, hanging back as everyone piled into the store. She had loyal fans, that was for sure.

I fixed my hat and walked in, making sure I had enough standing room in the back to be comfortable. Most people were scrunched up in the front, sitting in front of a few chairs that were placed at the head of the room.

There were some young children there, but it was mostly teenagers or older people like myself. She wrote a children's book for adults by the look of the room.

When Elizabeth and Robbie entered the room with their copies of Hattie Harmony, the crowd erupted into applause, and I could see her smiling and waving at everyone from where I was hiding out.

They took their seats and I watched as she scanned the room, looking for something, or someone.

Our gazes finally met and I could see her beautiful green eyes light up with happiness as she gave me a little wave. I smiled and waved back, and she began reading the book to the crowd.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she read. She looked so happy sitting there with Robbie, both of them taking turns reading the book they wrote together.

It was at that moment I knew I had absolutely no chance. She would never feel for me the way she does him. They had a book together, a life, a home, and I was just a streamer. I was nobody. And I always would be a nobody.

I heard whispering beside me and I turned to look. A young boy was talking to his mother, looking up at me with big, bright eyes. I smiled at him and he pulled on her sleeve excitedly.

"That's Y/N!" His whisper came out a bit louder than his mother would've liked.

I nearly blanched at his words, realizing that I had just been recognized. In public. I looked from him to Lizzie, who was still reading to the children sitting in the front row. His mother turned to me and gave me an apologetic look and I just smiled at her silently. This was Lizzie's moment, not mine.

A few kids around us had heard the little boy and were looking around for me. I nervously inched towards the door, not exactly ready to flee, but definitely needing some space from all of the young people about to recognize me.

I met the eyes of a few people and I brought my finger up to my lips, then pointed at Lizzie. They nodded and smiled, returning their attention to the woman of the hour.

I let out a sigh of relief as the attention was finally off me and back on the couple at the front of the room. This was the first time I had ever been noticed while I was out, which is probably because I didn't get out much. I also forgot to take into consideration that I had just been photographed with Lizzie not long ago, so people were bound to recognize me.

They finished the book and everyone applauded, and they started setting up tables so they could give out autographs. I got in line, grabbing a copy of the book as I waited. I didn't particularly want Robbie's autograph, but I knew Lizzie would get a kick out of me asking for one.

When I finally got up to the front, I handed her the book and she looked up at me briefly before doing a double take and smiling brightly at the sight of me.

"You came." She said as she happily signed my book, passing it over to Robbie and letting him sign it as well.

"I promised."

"Here you go." Robbie handed back my book, smiling at me.

I smiled back, a hint of guilt creeping up from the pit of my stomach as I looked at him.

"Can you hang around after the signing?" She asked and I nodded.

"I'll be back by the manga."

"What's manga?" She asked, her head tilting in confusion.

"It's cartoons on paper. You'll find me."

I smiled at her and walked off, letting her finish her event and browsed through the store. After about five minutes of wandering around, I found the manga section and waited, mindlessly poking at the books on the shelves.

"Excuse me." A voice said from behind me.

I turned around and saw a girl, probably in her late teens, standing with Lizzie's book in her hand ... and my hat on her head.

"Can you sign my hat? You're a huge inspiration to me and I just love you and Lizzie together."

I blushed a fierce, deep red at her words, taking her pen and her hat and signing it wordlessly.

"Thank you! You guys make a really cute couple. Bye!"

She waved and walked off and I stood there dumbly, unable to comprehend what just happened. Did that actually just happen? Do people actually ship us together?

"Hey!" A voice called out to me and I turned around, seeing Lizzie and Robbie approaching me.

"H-hey." I stuttered out.

She gave me a look and furrowed her brow at the look of me.

"You okay? You're all flushed."

"Yeah, I just ... a girl asked for my autograph. It took me by surprise."

"Aw, that's sweet! Have you ever given one before?"

"No, this was my first time."

"That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!"

She closed the distance between us and hugged me, squeezing me tight. I wrapped my arms around her after a second of hesitation and took in the moment. This would be the extent of our intimate moments; hugs and cuddles. No, no more cuddles. Those are dangerous. Just hugs.

She pulled away and took hold of my hands, bouncing ever so slightly in excitement.

"Do you have plans? You can come to dinner with us!"

"N-no, I really couldn't." I couldn't tell her that I felt horribly awkward around her and her husband.

"Please join us," Robbie cut in. "I'd love to know more about the woman Lizzie can't stop raving about."

She gave his arm a light smack, her face turning a slight pink at his words.

"How could I say no after hearing that?" I teased her and she covered her face with her hands.

"I just told him about all the fun we had." Her voice came out muffled.

"You wouldn't even know Brie was there from how she was telling it."

"Robbie, shut up."

She was red as a tomato now and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm glad you had such a good time with me - I mean us." I smirked at her and it was my turn to get a smack.

"Don't start. I had a good time with both of you."

I smiled widely like a happy fool and followed them out of the bookstore, letting them lead on to wherever they planned on having dinner.

•

They picked a fancy Italian restaurant which I had never been to before, and they ordered wine - which I declined. I wasn't about to say or do something I would regret in front of Robbie.

Lizzie and Robbie sat next to each other and I sat across from them, eating contently. Suddenly, I felt something touch my leg and I peeked up at Lizzie. Her head was down, looking towards her food, but I noticed a shift in her eyes and saw that she was looking at me from under her eyelashes.

I nudged the thing that touched me and it nudged back. I held in a laugh as I realized Lizzie was kicking me under the table.

She let out a giggle and Robbie gave her a strange look before switching his gaze over to me. I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn't. Her giggles were infectious and I joined in, both of us laughing at the fact that we were acting like children, having a good time.

"Am I missing something?" He asked, chuckling slightly himself at the sight of us.

"Lizzie kicked me." I said as she kicked my shin. "Ow!" I laughed. "You meanie."

"I'm sorry," she said, completely unapologetic. "I didn't realize you were such a softy."

"I'm very sensitive."

"Sensitive, my ass. You kicked me back, remember?"

"Only 'cos you didn't stop."

"Children, do you both need a time out?" Robbie said and we both laughed again, fully enjoying our time together.

Even being with Robbie wasn't all that bad. He seemed like a nice guy and he made Lizzie happy so I had no reason to dislike him other than the fact that he was married to her.

As the night ended, they dropped me back off at my apartment, Lizzie getting out with me to hug me.

"We still need to get that pumpkin ice cream."

I made a face.

"I was hoping you'd forget."

"No way. And I still have your sweater."

"That's true. Okay, name the time and place."

"How about I pick you up? I'll text you the time, okay?"

"Okay. Bye Lizzie. Bye Robbie." I waved at him through the window and gave Lizzie one more smile before turning and heading inside.

I watched from the window as she got back in the car and they drove away, and I let out a deep breath. I was exhausted. Pretending to be a human really took a lot out of me.

•

@oh-thats-cute @marvelwomen-simp @dorabledewdroop @scarlie-johalsen-blog

[verycharismaticdragon]

Currently reading a Korean webnovel instead of Chinese ones and this is making me conceptualize something, let’s see if I can put it in words…

My musings started with realizing that I’ve become very used to this cnovels thing where the main pairing is literally stated in the summary. Not the case for the k-novel I’m reading, and therefore I’m experiencing Pain and Suffering, — torn between my every instinct screaming that the author is setting up the OT3 endgame, and trying to lower my expectations to avoid disappointment. (And the novel is ongoing so I can’t even get spoilers for the ending :) girl help.)

As you may’ve guessed, I found myself strongly preferring the Chinese variant; but as to why exactly it was so important for my enjoyment to know the main couple… it took me a bit to figure out.

I mean, it’s not like I’m reading exclusively for romance, okay? Fannish activity-wise, sure, I tend to get fixated on ships (though even then, not all the time), but when it comes to reading (or any media intake, really), it’s not necessarily what I’m most interested in. Among my beloved titles, there are many where there’s no canon or fanon couple I'm attached to — and more than a few where there’s a canon couple that I neither love nor hate, just accept. So why did I get so attached to the concept of being, essentially, spoiled the endgame couple beforehand?

The key word that made it click was: promise. After all, it’s not like knowing the names of the characters that get together tells me anything about if they will be interesting or boring together, if they will be good for each other or make me scream “break up!” a million times. But it is a solid promise that these two people ARE gonna be a couple. 

And thinking about the word promise reminded me of discussions on plot twists that I’ve seen on here, about what makes a good plot twist and what makes a bad one — specifically, the phrase “narrative promise” that someone came up with. Basically, narrative promise is in the set up and the build up. If the plot twist betrays the narrative promise, it will not work, and it will be hated by the audience, who’ll feel like their emotional investment into the story was mocked.

The thing about the narrative promise, and why this term stuck with me, is that it’s actually applicable more broadly than just for shock-factor plot twists. For example: what is queerbaiting, if not betraying the narrative promise that the two characters are gonna be together? The fans see the narrative promise — the set up and the build up that would be unequivocally romantic for a het couple — and expect it to be fulfilled; only to be called delusional by the very creators that gave them this expectation. 

And this brings me to the next point: the catch of the “narrative promise” is that it’s never a guarantee. You can be completely sure the author is setting up X, only for them to turn around and do something completely different. (Possibly while calling you a little bitch for having the stupidity to invest your feelings into their creation, too.) After a while, a fan learns to manage their expectations. To not bet too much on anything, even if it feels like there’s no other way it can go. To wait until the end of the season or the last chapter before allowing themselves to get attached; to hold back on deciding whether something is good or not, lest they hype up something they will want to bury and forget later.

And this is where we circle back to c-novels, and to spoiling the main couple in the summary. Except I hesitate to call it “spoiling” because, as discussed, it actually heightens my enjoyment. For a simple reason: this practice takes the narrative promise from its nebulous, uncertain status to something concrete and real. Only for this one aspect and with the minimal-est amount of information possible, but still. That’s one thing I don’t have to guess about or doubt myself on (am I seeing things? is there a heterosexual explanation another way to read this? will the author simply kill off one of the characters before the end so that they don’t have to decide whether to make them explicitly queer?), and one thing I can count on (whatever else happens in the plot, I’ll still have this). It’s easy to invest emotionally into those characters and their relationship, when you have an assurance of their happy ending.

Ofc, I’m not saying that I don’t invest emotionally into relationships or characters other than the main CP — just that it is easier. And I would even say having this one(1) hard promise makes it easier to invest into other elements of the work, too, as it makes for a sort of safety net even if something else is disappointing or painful. 

Like, say you are invested in one couple with great chemistry and one side character. In case of a pre-stated ship, even if the side character dies, at least you still have the canon couple. So it’s not like all of your emotional connection to the book is lost, and you can probably bear with the loss of that character by writing everybody lives AU or something. But if the side character dies AND the couple you were invested in gets broken up or killed off or straight-married with other ppl… then doesn’t that make the entire thing into one massive disappointment? to the point that you might even regret picking up the book that made you care only to slap you in the face?.. 

So yeah, having even just one ship guaranteed is very comforting. And then I thought, well, doesn’t this apply to another type of fiction that I’m very familiar with?

Fanfiction?

Which, since very early on, has adopted the practice of putting the endgame ship in the header of the fic. And which, probably not coincidentally, is often a response to a broken (or at the very least not brought to its logical conclusion) narrative promise. And which always felt uniquely easy to read for me… 

See, prior to getting on this little thought train, I always assumed the ease was due to pre-existing familiarity with canon. You know, not having to learn the entire new setting, already having attachment to the characters… But now that I’ve connected these dots, I thought about times I read fics for fandoms I wasn’t familiar with, and originals formatted as fics — and really, wasn’t it always about the narrative promise made solid? 

Esp with how fics make it even broader than cnovels, by having extensive tags and ratings and such. Getting into a fic, you have a pretty clear idea of what may or may not happen in the story, even if you don’t know what exactly will happen or how. And a fic can fail to live up to the premise set up by ship/rating/tags — but not completely turn its back on it. 

(Well, normally. But in those exceptional cases where tags are misleading, at least you have something to point to when saying, “this is not what I was promised”. The ficwriter can hardly claim they don't understand why you expected [ship] to happen when they personally tagged their work as containing that ship — unlike the traditional media creators, who can always play the "you were totally misunderstanding my intentions the entire time" card.)

And having a solid promise like this, it turns out, takes lotsa pressure off starting a New Unfamiliar thing. I do, in fact, trust like that! So it’s no wonder that there were periods in my life when I would only consume fanfiction, because it was so much easier than extending trust to new titles. And it’s no wonder that what brought me back to being an avid reader were Chinese webnovels that use a practice very similar to what we have in fandoms.

I guess I understand myself better now! Still wish I knew if that k-novel's author is /j or /srs about the ot3 though.

[hiemaldesirae]

The Hazbin Graduate’s Guide to Homicide (3)

HAZBIN'S MIDSEMESTER STUDENT REPORT Student: Vox Vanhal Supervising Staff: Professor Enoch Leviathan Sponsor: Not Applicable To the Board: Vox Vanhal may be one of the most brilliant students this school has seen in decades. In all my years of teaching at Hazbin, I have never met a student more insanely ready to learn and apply their skills- due in part, of course, to said student's own possible insanity. I mean this in a jovial way, of course, but I will admit that when young Vanhal's true identity was revealed to me that my first thought was along the lines of 'is this student insane?' Whether or not my student's reason should be called into question is something myself and my fellow professor Asmodeus have discussed in length, but there is one thing that we can definitively agree on: If there is any one student in this school who I would choose to place my bets on, it would be Vox Vanhal. There is nothing more to say at this time of report evaluation. Sincerely, Professor Leviathan.

May God's blessings be with you now and at the hour of our deaths, Amen.

[ 1 ] / [ 2 ] (<- read these first for context and more murder academy radiostatic content!)

Though Alastor may have thought that Vox was much more knowledgable in how Hazbin's Institution for Homicide worked, the truth was, Vox was still fully flying on the seat of his own coattails.

He had no damn clue what he was doing still, and although it'd been two weeks since he'd arrived, part of him still felt like how he did when he'd first arrived: hesitant, scared, not knowing where to go or what to do besides the want to make his boss suffer as he killed him.

That level of animosity might sound strange to anyone not a Hazbin student or alumnus, but it was perfectly normal for any student enrolled in the academy to have such feelings. After all, there was quite a rigorous process involved in the application, and for Vox, this application process (and what led to it) was perhaps more intense than most.

There had once been a time where Vox had dreamed of becoming a Hollywood starlet, one who lit up the silver screen and was blessed by hundreds of thousands of cheering, dedicated fans who would fawn over his every move and action. He'd wanted to follow in his mother's footsteps, at one point. But after taking on his first roles in Carmine Studios, the glamour of Hollywood had shattered like fine glass.

"Miss Vesper! Would you please look over here for a second?"

"Miss Vesper, when is your next movie coming out?!"

"Miss Vesper, is it true that you and your co-star on Anna Karenina, Valentino Vega had an affair-?"

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! That- fucking bastard!" Vox rushed into the privacy of his and Val's shared apartment, slamming the door behind him as he collapsed into the couch, head cradled in his hands. He couldn't even begin to start detailing the number of ways he'd wanted to fucking butcher and rip apart his boss.

Andrealphus Goetia was no stranger to the spotlight, naturally. One of Hollywood's top directors, the man had been an influential cornerstone in the history of movie-making, a real legend to light the days. But behind that picturesque platinum reputation laid a monstrous piece of shit.

It had been a complete accident that Andrealphus had found out about Vox's identity.

Vox himself hadn't even really planned out what to do about himself at that point, only that he'd known that the dresses he wore on screen were far more suited to his best friend than they were for him. Knew that the copious amounts of makeup flattened on him everyday made him feel more like a clown than a princess, that it was the most uncomfortable feeling to have to sit and play the pretty face for the audience's sake.

But he persisted, telling himself, one more year, one more year til my savings account has enough to supply Val and I with a comfortable life and we can leave.

But of course- of course Andrealphus had to ruin it for him.

The man had found out and immediately proceeded to blackmailing Vox with the information, holding things such as promotions, media gossip and rumors over his head. And now... now... Vox stared down at the script he held clutched in his hand, his knuckles turning white as he grasped it with an iron grip.

"Dieser verdammte bastard," Vox muttered under his breath.

Though he'd never loved the spotlight that came with his first taste of fame, he had loved acting. Had loved being adored for his skill, applauded for the emotions that he could evoke in crowds of people and the way he could twist people's hearts. He had wanted to be one of the best, a household name.

And now, he stared down at the script for a movie that Andrealphus knew would tank his reputation. It was absolute bullshit. The plot was held together by thin strings and a bit of glue, despite being an adaptation of one of the past decade's best selling books. Not only that, but the moment he left the safety of the apartment once more, he would also have to contend with the rumors that were steadily piling against him and dragging his loved ones and friends into it too.

All this, because Vox had refused to sleep with his shitty boss.

He could still hear the fucker's voice- come on, don't you wanna say that you got a piece of me? I'll even leave out the part about you being a transvestite, darling, just the fact that I got a piece of you is enough.

God. If only.... if only he could see that bastard's face when he crushed his fucking skull in between his hands. He wanted to see Andrealphus' stupid face contort in revulsion and terror when Vox finally did the deed, wanted to bathe in the the fotze's inbred blood. He'd do anything for the chance to just kill that piece of shit-

"Amorcito?"

Val's voice makes Vox jump on the spot, quickly shifting to hide the script from view. His friend comes around the corner, eyebrows furrowed with concern, and it's this that makes Vox break his composure, a single tear falling down his face as Val frowns, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Voxxy, amor... tell me what's wrong."

And because he can never keep his mouth shut when it comes to his best friend, Vox tells him everything. Val nods along, pauses at the right moments, all of that stuff that friends do when they're trying to let you know that they'd rip apart your shitty boss if not for the law.

But- and perhaps this is something that Vox knew deep down to be true anyway- Val was a bit different in that aspect. He'd met the man under... less than legal circumstances, after all, and he knew that Val was the heir to quite the illustrous cartel career.

So when Valentino stops him with a firm hand on the shoulder and hands him an application paper for Hazbin, telling him to think it through, Vox barely takes even a second glance at it before filling it out.

Now, two months later and sitting in the auditorium of Hazbin's famed Music Hall, Vox doesn't find himself regretting the decision. Sure, it's a bit lonely without Val's supporting presence by his side, but the students he's met so far have proved to be some of the friendliest people he's had the pleasure of knowing: ironic, considering the kind of school they're studying at. And he's even managed to make a friend! Not that bad a start, altogether.

Vox absentmindedly doodles on the edge of his notes as Professor Leviathan's soothing voice lectures them on the importance of a proper alibi. "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, but it has an airtight alibi, it is...?"

"Not a duck," the auditorium echoes back to the professor, who nods, looking satisfied with the class's response. "So, then! The first step to alibi making is...? Miss Velvette, perhaps you'd like to answer this one for us?"

The girl sitting beside Vox shoots up in her seat, looking as if she'd just fallen asleep and was awoken by the professor's question. "Uh... the..."

After a moment of silence and stuttering, Vox takes pity on the girl, sliding Velvette over a slide of paper that she squints at before reading. "Make sure you're in a different place from the crime?"

"And how would I do that?"

"I... uh. Use an accomplice...?" Velvette stutters.

Professor Leviathan shakes his head, looking disappointed. "Not quite. One thing you will have to learn at Hazbin's is that you should never rely on any other person to carry your deed out for you. No hiring accomplices- after all, paid personnel's loyalty is shaky and they have no honor code preventing them from taking you to the police- and absolutely no committing crimes as lovers, unless you can guarantee that neither of you will be snitching. Would anyone else like to take a try?"

Vox raises his hand hesitantly. "Move the crime scene or otherwise obscure the culprit?"

Professor Leviathan snaps his fingers, "Yes! Absolutely. One of the best ways to make yourself an iron clad alibi is, if the pope is shot in the church at midnight, make sure that you are seen halfway across town in the bar at midnight; so drunk that you cannot even leave until your wife comes to pick you up at two- and no one will suspect you, even if he was actually killed right outside the pub and moved to the church instead. By moving the crime scene, you can make yourself an ironclad alibi. Obscuring the identity of the perpetrator and making it someone who couldn't possibly be you also works splendidly. After all, if the police believe the murderer to be a six foot tall adult man, then the actual perpetrator, a four foot tall young woman, would be able to pass by completely unnoticed. Thank you for that input, Vox. Now, onto the actual creation of such an alibi..."

When class ends, Vox is the first to leave his seat and head for the door, intending on leaving and getting to Track with Professor Satan as quick as possible when someone stops him in his tracks with a firm grip on his shoulder.

"Hey. Vox Vanhal, right?"

"That would be me, yes," Vox turns to face the person he's talking to, only to be met with the young woman that Professor Leviathan had called out in class earlier. "You were... Velvette?"

"Yep, that's me," the chipper young woman responds. "Listen, I know you don't know me at all, but I really need to get through this school year. Like- look, okay, I'm in a little bit over my head right now. I still want to go here and do what everyone here does, of course, I'd love to just go and plunge a damn butcher's knife into my cunt of an ex-friend's neck, but... well, you saw how I did back in class- look, what I'm trying to get at is I need someone to help me. And you're like, Leviathan's star student. So- I don't care what I have to do, I'll-"

Vox holds up a hand to stop her.

"I don't need you to do anything for me, unless you've got any tips on how to kill my boss and make him suffer during it. But I'll help you with whatever you need to study during your courses. Just..." He pauses, taking a moment to think out what he's about to ask. "Could you teach me how you did your makeup on your own?"

Velvette blinks, clearly not expecting that response. She laughs, a shrill, sharp bark and grabs his hand to shake it firmly. "Yeah, 'course I can. So, do we have a deal?"

"We do," Vox smiles. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

[nausicaamusiclover20]

Hello))) this is partially inspired by the anon’s request, who was watching soap operas with her grandma - I’m the same 😂

So maybe reader comes from family with money, not like millionaires, but her dad is one of Californias top divorce lawyers so he definitely makes good cash. Of course her parents are not fans of James, up to the point where they cut her off because she refused to break up with him. But she takes it well, works as waitress at diner as she’s happy being with James. However, after Metallica’s first tour in 83, he confessed that he cheated with girls on the road - exactly what her father warned her about. So she kinda doesn’t have any option but to go back to her family. However, her father does forgive her and takes her back.

A few years later in 90s, when Lars is divorcing Debbie (his first wife), guess who’s Debbie’s attorney? She wins the case so at some point she comes to the studio so Lars can sign the papers for Debbie to get her part of money; and James is pissed and calls her cynical and cold hearted but she tells him it’s his fault and how she gave everything away to be with him and he went out to sleep with groupies? He feels guilty cause she’s right - he couldn’t keep it in his pants and a few days later calls the law firm she’s working at as he wants to reconcile and cheating was the worst thing he had done???

I thought I’d be brief but ended up with too much details I’m sorry if it’s weird 🥹🥹🥹

I don't know if it's what you were looking for, but I hope you like it 💕

Rewrite the past

I never thought I’d find myself back here, in my father’s office, staring at the walls lined with framed degrees, each one a testament to his relentless ambition. From the outside, my family looked perfect—money, influence, respect. My father was one of California’s top divorce lawyers, the kind of man who made sure everyone knew how hard he’d worked to give us the life we had. I never wanted for anything, but the privilege came at a cost.

When I met James, he was the one thing in my life that felt real, unpolished. He was wild, raw, unapologetically himself, and in a world of well-manicured facades, he was a breath of fresh air. I knew my parents wouldn’t understand, but I didn’t care. They wanted me with someone safe, someone respectable. But I wanted him.

It wasn’t long before the clashes started. My parents despised him—the loud music, the chaos, the risk. They tried everything to pull me away, and when I refused, when I told them that James was who I wanted, they finally drew a hard line.

“If you stay with him, you’re on your own,” my father had said, his tone cold, final. “You’re turning your back on everything we’ve given you.”

The words stung, but I chose James anyway. I took a job at a diner, working double shifts to pay rent on a cramped apartment, doing whatever it took to make things work. It wasn’t glamorous, but I was happy—at least, I thought I was.

Then Metallica went on their first tour. I didn’t hear much from James while he was on the road, and I tried to brush off the nagging worries in my mind. But when he finally came back, he looked different. There was a distance between us, something broken in his gaze. I’d barely gotten a chance to hold him before he pulled away and admitted the truth.

“I cheated,” he said, the words falling out like stones. “There were… girls on the road. I don’t even remember half of them.”

My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. All the warnings my father had given me, every condescending “I told you so” I’d ignored—it was all crashing down around me. I’d fought so hard to keep this, to prove to myself, to everyone, that we were real, that we could make it work.

And yet, here he was, proving all of them right.

I didn’t have anything left to hold on to, no safety net. The betrayal was too much, and, broken-hearted, I had no choice but to turn back to the only people who’d ever protected me. My father welcomed me back without hesitation, perhaps knowing he’d won in the end. But even as they opened their doors to me, it didn’t feel like victory. It felt like defeat.

---

The relief I expected didn’t come when I returned to my family. There was only a dull ache, the feeling of failure simmering beneath the surface. The world I’d tried so hard to escape had pulled me back in, and all the independence I’d fought for felt like it had slipped through my fingers.

My father didn’t say “I told you so”—at least not outright. But there was that look in his eyes every time he glanced my way, like he was almost smug about me finally realizing he’d been right all along. My mother, too, seemed relieved, constantly reminding me that I was better off without “someone like him.” They were careful not to bring it up too much, as if to spare me, but every comment felt like a small needle, poking at my decision to love James.

In their eyes, I’d come to my senses. In mine, I’d lost something I couldn’t get back.

As the years passed, I moved forward. I’d put everything into my career in law, following my father’s footsteps, using my pain as fuel to rise through the ranks of his firm. It was hard, grueling, but the satisfaction I got from the victories, the courtroom battles, made it worth it. Winning cases felt like a balm to all the broken pieces I couldn’t quite stitch together. And every time I signed a high-stakes case or handled a tricky negotiation, I could feel my father’s pride. It was almost enough.

But there was still a part of me that wondered what might have been—if he’d been someone who could keep his promises. If we’d managed to build the life I’d imagined with him. Every now and then, I’d hear Metallica on the radio or see an old photo of us tucked away in the back of a drawer, and I’d feel the sting of what we’d lost.

Then came the day when the past decided to walk right back into my life.

It was late, the office winding down for the evening, when my assistant walked in with a stack of documents and a carefully neutral expression.

“Debbie Lars Ulrich's case,” she said, placing the papers on my desk. “The divorce settlement. Lars needs to sign his part.”

I froze for a moment, processing what this meant. Debbie was one of my clients, yes, but the reality of who her soon-to-be ex-husband was—and what that meant—washed over me slowly, sinking in. If Lars was here to sign, James would be nearby. Of course, he would. They were practically family.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself, and agreed to bring the papers to the studio the following day.

---

When I arrived at the studio, I knew I had to keep myself together. This wasn’t about me; this was business. I walked in, the familiar smell of stale beer and smoke hanging heavy in the air. The studio felt like a time capsule, reminding me of those early days, back when I’d believed in forever.

And then I saw him.

James stood there, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, his gaze cutting through me the moment I entered. The years had changed him—sharpened the lines on his face, deepened the shadows under his eyes. But there was a hardness in his expression, a guardedness I hadn’t seen before.

He didn’t bother with pleasantries. “So, you’re the one representing Debbie now?”

“Yes,” I replied, my voice steady, professional. “I’m here because Lars needs to sign these.”

He scoffed, a humorless smile tugging at his lips. “That’s all this is, huh? Just a job to you?”

I could feel the anger simmering beneath the surface, but I forced myself to stay calm. “Yes, James. This is my job. I’m here for Debbie. What did you expect?”

He shook his head, his gaze narrowing. “I expected you to have some heart left. But I guess you’ve gotten really good at this—cold, calculating.”

My fingers tightened around the documents in my hand, the years of hurt and resentment rushing back. He didn’t get to act like this, not after everything.

“Cold?” I repeated, letting out a bitter laugh. “That’s rich coming from you. I gave up everything for you, James—my family, my life. I was willing to fight for us. And what did you do? You threw it away for a few cheap thrills on the road.”

His face paled, and I could see the flicker of guilt, raw and undeniable, as he struggled to hold my gaze.

“I was young,” he murmured, his voice quieter now. “I was stupid. I didn’t know what I was risking until it was too late.”

I shook my head, the familiar ache resurfacing as I stared at him. “Do you even realize what you cost me? I had to rebuild my entire life from scratch, and I did it without you. I’m not here to rehash the past or play whatever game you think this is. I’m here because this is what I do. This is who I am now.”

For a moment, he just stared at me, as if seeing me for the first time. His shoulders slumped, the bravado fading as he looked down at the floor, defeated. “I didn’t deserve you. I don’t think I ever did.”

“Maybe you didn’t,” I replied, softer now, feeling the weight of every hurt, every broken promise. “But I loved you, James. And I would’ve done anything to make it work. You’re the one who threw it away.”

He nodded, looking at me with that same, aching regret, and for a moment, the years seemed to fall away. We were just two people, tangled up in the remains of a love we couldn’t save.

“I’m sorry,” he said, the words barely a whisper. “I know it doesn’t change anything, but… I’m sorry.”

I took a deep breath, willing myself to let go of the last fragments of pain, to move on from what we’d lost.

“Goodbye, James,” I said, my voice steady, final.

There are things in life you can’t take back, no matter how desperately you wish you could. Years had passed since we met, but yesterday as I met him again and today I heard his voice cracking over the phone as he spoke the words he’d likely rehearsed a hundred times.

I had been wrapping up the final details on a case, buried in papers and the quiet hum of my small studio in downtown LA. It was my sanctuary—a space I’d built for myself in the years since our breakup. The walls were lined with case files, books, and certificates that whispered of the life I’d carved out alone. The last person I expected to invade this space was James Hetfield.

The phone rang, its sudden chime breaking through the silence. I glanced down, and I answered.

“Hello?” I said, my voice uncertain, testing the waters. I could feel the flutter of my heart in my chest, a mix of excitement and dread.

“Y/N,” he breathed, and the sound of my name on his lips was both familiar and foreign. It sent a rush of emotions through me—nostalgia for the love we once shared, mixed with the sharp pain of betrayal. Memories of our time together flooded my mind, each one a reminder of the happiness we had, intertwined with the heartbreak of his infidelity. I had spent years trying to forget him, yet here he was, a ghost from my past, stirring feelings I thought I had buried deep.

“What do you want, James?” I kept my tone guarded, bracing for whatever might come next, but inside, I was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, longing, and an unshakeable sadness.

“I know it’s late,” he started, his voice softer than I remembered. “But… Can we talk?”

For a moment, I hesitated. Memories crashed over me like a wave—the days spent dreaming of a future together, the betrayal that shattered it all after his first tour. I’d given up everything for him, only for him to throw it all away.

“What is it you want to talk about?” I asked, my curiosity battling with the pain that lingered. “It’s been years.”

He paused, and when he spoke again, I could hear the weight of regret. “I just… I’m sorry. For everything.”

His words hung in the air, thick with remorse, and old wounds reopened like fresh scars. “James, you did exactly what my father warned me you would. I left my family, gave up everything just to be with you. And you threw it away for girls you don’t even remember.”

“I know,” he murmured, his voice barely a whisper. “It haunts me every day. Cheating was the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t expect you to forgive me… but I needed you to know how sorry I am.”

I ran a hand over the edge of my desk, grounding myself. This was my life now—a life I’d built without him, in this studio that felt as much a part of me as my own skin. I had carved out success and peace, and this chapter of my past had no place in it.

“I’ve moved on, James,” I said finally, my voice low and steady. “This is my life now, and I don’t need the past interrupting it.”

Silence filled the line, but I could almost feel the regret radiating from him, his guilt settling over him like a heavy shadow. He had made his choices, and I had made mine.

But then I thought about the years that had passed, the void where he used to be. I couldn’t deny the flicker of hope igniting inside me. “Maybe... maybe we could talk,” I heard myself say, the words tumbling out before I could stop them.

“Really?” His voice was tentative, almost disbelieving.

“Yeah, but only if you’re serious about changing. I won’t go through that again,” I warned, my heart racing with uncertainty.

“I am. I swear,” he replied, urgency creeping into his tone. “I know I messed up. I just want a chance to prove it to you.”

As we spoke, I felt the walls I’d built around my heart begin to crack, revealing the soft, vulnerable parts I had long kept hidden. The thought of giving him a second chance filled me with both excitement and dread. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that perhaps we could find our way back to each other, even if it was a long and winding road.

“Okay, let’s see where this goes,” I said, my voice steadying.

“Thank you,” he breathed, relief flooding his words. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Just remember, James,” I warned, feeling the weight of my decision. “You’ll need to earn it.”

“I will,” he promised, his voice resolute. “I won’t let you down this time.”

As I hung up, the silence of the studio wrapped around me, familiar and comforting, but now tinged with a cautious hope. I had found my peace, but maybe—just maybe—I could open the door to something new. The ache in my heart remained, but now it held the promise of healing and the possibility of love rediscovered.

[strwberri-milk]

May I request if possible a gn!/afab!reader who responds aggressively to kaeya’s flirting bc they are afraid to fall in love?

You know that Kaeya is a flirt. It's pretty obvious from the second you meet him that he has sweetened words for everyone he comes across, yourself included.

Paying him no mind, you treat him the way you would treat anybody else. However, to him and the blooming feelings he has for you this isn't enough. He needs to see you react more, wants to see if he can make you flustered by his words.

When he ups the ante and flirts with you more you can't help but lash out. You try to keep calm, but the way he speaks to you feels insulting. To you, it's a reminder of how he's just teasing you and that he doesn't mean any of the sweet things he says.

Your cold indifference escalates to outright refusal, things coming to a head one day when all your issues come to a head. You already woke up in a foul mood, and Kaeya flirting with you and reminding you that the thing you feared the most was being dangled right in front of you made things less than optimal, giving him a look he didn't expect.

"Just quit it already." You say coldly, much to Kaeya's shock.

"Quit what? What are you talking about?" he says, raising a brow. He knows you aren't the biggest fan of his flirting, but you'd never reacted this badly.

"Quit acting like you love me or something. You know how awful it is of you to do that to me?!"

"Hey, what do you -"

You don't give him the chance to finish his sentence before storming off, leaving him confused and upset.

He'll confront you again on your doorstep, holding the door open with his hand as he tries to explain to you that he's being genuine. You aren't buying it, arms crossed as you glare at him from your doorway.

Kaeya is practically imploring you at this point and you don't believe him until he's got his arm wrapped around your waist and he's pulling you in. You think you're about to call his bluff when he presses his lips against yours in a way that's both desperate and soft.

Your eyes are wide and when he steps back and opens his again you can see the worry in his gaze. He's trying so hard to be subtle about it but the fact that you haven't responded is worrying him too much. He's afraid to even ask and you just sigh, biting the bottom of your lip.

"Was that not clear enough to you? Do you need me to do something else to prove that I care about you?" he asks softly, knowing he should have expected rejection yet still wishing it didn't sting this hard.

"It's not that. I just..."

You try to find the words to convey your fears and hesitation, the fact that you know you'll only be hurt if you let this go on for too long.

"We can take it at your own pace. How about that?"

Kaeya seems a little desperate, still holding you in his arms as you give him an uncertain look. You don't know how to respond, but it seems he's sort of figured out where your lack of a response lies, resting his forehead on yours.

"I'm scared too. I've never let myself feel this way for anybody before because I know it'll end badly. But, there's something different about you. We can try this together, learn how to grow together and if you change your mind you'll always have an out. How does that sound?"

He sounds so vulnerable and unlike himself usually and you're inclined to believe him with how quiet his voice is. You can barely hear him over the pounding of your own heart and against your better judgment, you nod.

[k-s-morgan]

Heyy! I am such a fan of your work in the Tomarry fandom, and I don’t want to sound intrusive, but I’m just wondering if you ever shared your history with the ship. You said before that you were a huge Snarry fan, so how did you transition from that to this? (Hehe, maybe I’m getting it wrong like you were always a fan of both since then, my apologies if ever. I don’t know if I’m assuming you’re no longer a Snarry fan.) And what made you write fanfic of them? How did you come up with such unique and great storylines? I wonder if you got inspired from someone or something because damn, the way you tell your stories is just my perfect cup of tea. And I can see you enjoy it! Really great.

Hi! Thank you so much for your sweet words <3 You are absolutely right, I used to be a Snarry shipper. I can't say I'm indifferent to this ship now, but the years where I gulped down all kinds of fics featuring them have passed. The passion isn't there any longer.

How I stumbled upon Tomarry: some months before publishing the first chapter of WHGTB, I was re-reading a Snarry fic called The Marriage Stone. Snape is not nearly the bastard I prefer him to be there, but I liked the world-building a lot, so I enjoyed reading it. There is a small arc there where Lucius Malfoy is attracted to Harry, and I found myself fascinated by it. It occured to me that it might be interesting to try the fics centered on Harry and Lucius - I was never a fan of the latter, he's overly pompous and a coward, but I wanted to find something where Lucius would be dark, regal, and a force to be reckoned with. Unfortunately, the fics I read didn't appeal to me, so I started wondering what other dark, regal character to pair Harry with. I was in the mood for something darker than I typically found in Snarry.

And that's how I thought of Tomarry. In retrospect, it's amazing that I hadn't found them sooner. I always liked the parallels between Harry, Tom, and Severus, and since I thought Harry and Snape might make a potentially great couple, I don't know why I never considered Tom and Harry in the same context until years into shipping Snarry.

I tried some Tomarry fics, and ohh, I fell head over heels. I could no longer go back to my other HP ships, it was like my most perfect drug.

I'm so flattered that you referred to my stories as unique because I actually really hesitated about publishing WHGTB. I knew I would write this story, but the fandom has so many Harry-raising-Tom fics that I thought people are already bored to death with it, so it'd be something I'd create just for myself. Needless to say, the response to it shocked me.

I consider WHGTB and ATLWETD very plain in terms of plot uniqueness - they are just my takes on 'Harry raises Tom' and 'Harry studied with Tom' tropes. To me, stories like Consuming Shadows and Train to Nowhere are unique, while I'm doing the maximum relationship, minimum plot thing. That's what I prefer as a writer, and I love it - knowing other people enjoy it just as much never fails to make me incredibly happy.

As for why I decided to write these fics at all - to be honest, I can never tell how these things work. For example, despite my intense love for Snarry and the years I spent dedicated to this ship, I never wanted to write about them. Same goes for my other fandoms. I can be absolutely insane about a ship, I can love the characters and the universe they come from to death, but the need and desire to write something can be lacking. With Tomarry, I wanted to write about them immediately.

I can't say I got inspired by anything except for a general Tomarry vibe. I think a couple of fics I read might have had an impact on me in terms of some ideas, especially Fate's Favorite since I read it an absurd amount of times, but there is nothing specific I would point out as my source of inspiration. Just a ship itself.

[ghoul-foolery]

Kinktober, Day 30

Roleplay / Pet Names

Prompt List - Kink/Flufftober Master List

//

> Roleplay > Hancock/Nora >Tags: No sex, ‘Evil Hancock’ > Words: 1108 Note: The scenario is treated as if it’s real until it doesn’t.

//

Cresting the top of the spiral staircase, Nora’s steps faltered. The door to Hancock’s office was open. Not enough to be an open invitation to stop in and chat, but just enough to be able to see him lounging on one of the couches. There was a cloud of smoke drifting over his head; cigarette pinched between the fingers of one hand, a rocks glass in the other. He looked relaxed; feet propped on the coffee table, his head and arms resting along the back of the couch.

Steeling her nerves with a deep breath, Nora stepped onto the landing, knuckles rapping against the door as she called out gently, “Mayor Hancock?”

“Well, well, well if it ain’t Bobbi’s little patsy.” Mayor Hancock’s voice was a low, deadly drawl as he lifted his head and shot her an inky stare.

“I just came to say—“

“Come in, vaultie. Shut the door.”

“I don’t mean to intrude or, um—“ she took another breath, a little short, a little shaky. “Well, more than I— I just wanted to come and—“

“C’mon sister. I ain’t a fan of repeating myself.”

Nora held her breath as she stepped into the office. If he killed Finn right out in the street in broad daylight, what would he do behind closed doors? Maybe she should have stayed away after all. When she closed the door she pressed it gently enough that it barely made any noise. It put her back to Hancock for just a moment, a moment where she thought to gather her courage.

“Lock it.”

“Mayor Hancock—“

“Lock. It.”

Nora flipped the lock, then turned to face him. He was leaning forward in the couch, depositing his glass on the table and snuffing his cigarette in the ashtray.

“Now, what was it that you were trying to say?” It was said so casually, like he didn’t just order her to come in and lock the door behind her. When he leaned back into the couch again he had his knife in his hand. The pointed end was used to pick at one of his nails.

“I just wanted to come and apologize. Personally. I had no idea it was your storehouse, she said it was Mayor MacDonough’s and I’m so sorry—“

“Sorry you got caught.”

“No!” Nora said quickly, shaking her head in adamant disagreement. Then she tried again, softly, calmly, “No, sir. You can ask Fahrenheit. I didn’t know.”

The knife was stabbed into the coffee table with so much speed and force that Nora’s whole body jumped. She pressed back against the door with a gasp.

“You’ll understand that, knowing or not, you’ve broken my trust. And I don’t keep people around if I don’t trust ‘em. Not for long, anyway.”

“I’ll leave. I won’t come back ever again—“

Hancock chuckled, “Or you could make it up to me.”

Being banned from any town or establishment wasn’t ideal. Not when resources were so scarce, not when danger was in such abundance. She couldn’t afford to be cut off from already limited access to resources.

“I—please. Yes. What can I do to make this right?”

There was a wicked tilt to his lips as his eyes crawled up the length of her body.

“You tell me.”

Nora managed a hesitant, “I could clean? Cook?”

Hancock chuckled then crooked a finger at her. “Come over here, vaultie.”

Keeping her eyes trained on his, she crossed the short distance that separated them. She stopped just at the edge of the coffee table. At her new vantage point she could see the evidence of his interest.

“I’m going to tell you to remove your vault suit. You either don’t, and you leave Goodneighbor and never come back. Or you do what you’re told, and you come show me just how sorry you are, you feel me?”

A small nod, a swallow that felt too thick. “I feel you.”

“Not yet, you don’t.”

A laugh nearly bubbled out of her system — a laugh that could ruin their little game. She wondered how long he’d been waiting to use that one. You feel me? I feel you. Not yet, you don’t. Har har har. Nora clamped her lips against her teeth, fighting off a smile. She was supposed to be scared, she was supposed to be hesitant, and uncertain, but she would ultimately give in and enjoy the angry mayor’s demands and become his in the process.

“Something funny, vaultie?” His voice was raspy quiet, but the ridges of his brows arched suggestively.

“Nuh-“ she took a quick breath. She would not be the first to break character. “No, sir.”

“Good. Now take off that vault suit.”

Nora made a show of glancing off to the door, as if she was contemplating leaving. Then she grabbed the tab of the zipper, and toed off her boots. Black eyes traveled over every inch of her as it was exposed. They followed the track of the zipper, flit over her breasts, her tummy, her legs. When she stepped out of the suit she was down to her underwear.

Hancock tapped his leg, and Nora went to him. She straddled his lap, her hands finding his shoulders for support. He gripped the fat of her hips, dragging her close as he growled, “Now show me how fucking sorry you are.”

Oh.

A delightful little shiver shot through her, making her breath hitch in her throat.

Hancock chuckled, peering up at her. “You’re actually digging this—“

“Shut up, you were the one who wanted to play ‘Evil Hancock’.”

As he guided her down for a kiss, his body still shaking with his amusement, he asked, “Am I doin’ okay though?”

“Mm,” she hummed, dragging her lips down along his jaw so she could kiss and suck at his throat. “I think so. The knife was a nice touch.”

“It wasn’t too much?”

“Mm-mm.” She bit at his neck and sucked, swirling her tongue against his flesh. “A little threatening but not actually threatening…”

“The next time we play, you’re going to come and apologize for getting Kent kidnapped.”

Nora snorted, “Is this ‘Evil Hancock’ or ‘Let’s relive all of Nora’s mistakes’?”

“Who says they gotta be mutually exclusive? It’ll be fun. My little thief gets in trouble with her mayor again.”

Rough hands slipped up the length of her back, dragging and slow until he worked the hooks of her bra. As her bra fell away, as Hancock’s hands came to grasp and play with the newly exposed skin, Nora replied, “Deal.”

[kyleoreillylover]

Ryan Bergara x Fem!Reader Headcanons

Summary: What’s it like being best friends with Ryan Bergara?

A/N: In my Ryan mood and I can’t resist not writing him anymore! I barely see any Ryan x reader fanfics so I had to write one myself!

If you were not already a Boogara, he would absolutely do anything to try and convince you to become one.

Sends you videos and calls you at 3 am to share “evidence” that he had.

“Ryan, I am trying to sleep!”

“I’m sorry, I just needed to show this to you before I forgot to!”

You forward the videos to Shane and he always responds either with a “😂” emoji or just full on making fun of Ryan.

It is funny either way.

Shane is your shared best friend.

He likes to tease you and Ryan.

But he loves when you gang up on Ryan with him.

And you both tease him.

Ryan acts like he hates it but he secretly loves that both his best friends get along and are besties 🥹🥹

Shane sees you like an annoying loving sister.

Ryan is definitely the more protective out of the two of you.

You are super chill, and one thing everyone can agree on is that you are one of the sweetest people ever.

But it does lead to you letting people walking over you sometimes.

But you have Ryan!! And he does not let that happen. He doesn’t hesitate to step in and check a bitch if he sees you uncomfortable.

He hates seeing the people he cares about being hurt or treated like crap.

When you are with Ryan you both feed into each other’s recklessness. You might be calm and chill, but when you are with him, it is like all your fears go away and you can let go of responsibilities and common sense!

It also helps that you trust each other with your life, so you know the other would never lead you to getting hurt.

It does lead into both of you doing stupid shit, though that Shane makes fun of you for.

One time you convinced him to do the handcuffed for 24 hour’s challenge for a video, and you both lost the key within an hour 😭

You are also the scriptwriter for Buzzfeed Unsolved/Watcher, so Ryan sometimes will come to your house with the both of you and staying up late until 2 am searching for information about a case/ location and cracking stupid jokes

You once woke up to him laying on top of you, you in his arms and laptops and papers scattered across the desks, and your legs tangled together and him snoring in your ear.

You grabbed your phone, took a picture, posted it on your story maybe knowing the internet would explode, then snuggled into him and went back to sleep.

You are not on camera that much, usually you are behind it with the crew, but Ryan begs you to at least do the Postmortems/Debriefs with him and Shane.

You are hesistant at first, what is the fans don’t like you? Or they think that you are trying to get in between the ghoul boys?

Ryan assures you that they will love you.

And he is right!

They end up loving you and your dynamic with Ryan and Shane!!

Which gives you the confidence to go with them to ghost and crime sites.

Every time Ryan felt anxious and fearful, he would look at you and see you behind the camera and that makes him feel 1000 times better.

And if it got to the point that he was freaking out and panicking(like that ep where Ryan was laying on the floor and Shane was trying to comfort him) you’d get out from behind the cameras and hug and comfort him.

Because you can’t stand to see him like that

“Breathe Ryan, you’re good. You’re safe. Just breathe.”

If you were staying at a haunted hotel, if everyone was sleeping in separate rooms, he’d FaceTime you the whole night

There’s no way in hell he’d sleep through the night, and Shane would make fun of him if he called hum throughout the night

You didnt even have to talk to each other, your presence was enough for him

He’d wake you up randomly though if he thought he heard something in his room 💀

“Y/N! Y/N, Are you awake??”

You groggily woke up, moving your phone away from your ear at Ryan’s screams.

“What?? What happened?”

“…”

You let out a sigh at his silence. “It was your shadow, wasn’t it?”

“…..Maybe? But I swear I thought I saw something move!”

You rolled your eyes at the camera. “Go to sleep Ryan.” You ignored his voice as you went back to sleep.

The internet ships you guys a lot

They tend to do that with most male and female friendships online tbh

And it doesn’t help that the both of you can’t help but be naturally affectionate to one another.

Whether it’s wrapping an arm around the others shoulder, jumping on Ryan, scaring him and forcing asking him to give you piggyback rides and him throwing you onto his shoulder as revenge, the fans will eat up every moment.

You guys just find it hilarious 😭 It becomes a game between you guys to try and make the fans go insane 😭😭

You guys are honest with each other all the time and are open books with each other. If you are feeling down, he can tell just tell, no matter how hard you try. If someone is not good for Ryan, you will straight up tell him. He trusts your judgment because he knows it’s coming from a place of love and you rarely steer him in the wrong direction.

You tried to teach him to cook once and he almost burned your house down 😭 So he just randomly comes to your house to eat your food because he swears your cooking is the best.

Makes fun of your height. You're taller than him? It doesn't matter, your still getting attacked lol. You're shorter than even? Even worse for you, you can't make fun of him at all without him calling you a dwarf at least once.

He is a gymhead (He's not Biceps Bergara for nothing) and makes you go with him all the time. He claims you need to get stronger in case someone tries to attack you but you think it's cause he likes to see you suffer.

You take the ugliest pictures of him known to existence. He tries to delete them but you just keep getting more (Shane sends a lot to you but Ryan doesn't need to know that)

Acts like he hates your music taste to annoy you but secretly loves it

He drives you everywhere because you are quite literally the worst driver he has ever seen.

"Slow down, slow down, you almost hit that car!"

"It's not my fault they were in the way!"

"The light turned red and it was their turn!"

You force him to do Tiktok dances with you, and he's surprisingly not that bad at them?!! 😭

Whenever one of you needs comfort, no words are needed. You just wrap each other in your arms, the hugs and comforting presence silencing the outside world for as long as you both want.

All in all, Ryan would be a loving, playful best friend who holds you and your friendship close to his heart. He'd do anything for you to see you happy, he would make fun of you ( he is the only one allowed to do that) but would defend you in that same breath if anyone messed with you. He is truly grateful for you, and even though you guys joke and make fun of each other all the time, he makes sure you know it every single day.

[hyunjinners]

✧:･ﾟAn Afternoon whit you → Lim Ryung-gu x reader ˚₊· ꒰💦꒱

꒰ 命 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ꒱┊Where in a comfortable cafe you feel more than happy to share moments with Ryung-gu.

꒰ 命 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ꒱┊Lim Ryung-gu x Fem¡reader

꒰ 命 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 ꒱┊cute, comfort - some sad matters :/

꒰ 命 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ꒱┊parallel universe, Ryung-gu is not a grim reaper - being a police officer, but from the same division as k-drama (suicide prevention).

꒰ 命 𝐖.𝐂 ꒱┊0,5k

꒰ 命 𝐀/𝐍 ꒱┊English is not my first language! Feedback's cheer me up and help with what I can improve ❣️ Have a good reading and I hope you like it 💙

⊹₊˚ʚ❛Masterlist❜ɞ

𝗔 𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟 smile escapes his lips when he observes Ryung-gu distracted while watching the snow falling on another afternoon that ended early due to the cold weather. You take a step forward when you hear the friendly attendant calling out your password.

"Good afternoon! An Americano with lots of ice and a cappuccino, please." You smile simplistically and he then leaves to get the order.

After picking it up, you walk up to your boyfriend who welcomes you with a warm smile reserved just for you. Sitting down next to him, you watch him take the Americano with a cute, funny expression in approval of the taste.

"Honestly, I'm not a fan of that kind of coffee, but every time I see you drinking it, it feels like the tastiest thing in the world.." at his sudden remark they both burst out laughing.

"I think it's because everything is better when I'm with you." He holds your hand, looking into your eyes in contemplation. Despite his playful tone, you could feel the affection in his words. There was a momentary silence, where only the smile on their faces was present, along with the feeling of the affection he distributed in her hand.

"I missed you...so much." You break the silence, pensive.

"I know you're busy with your work in division, and I honestly feel bad for being kind of selfish for wanting you all to myself. But then I remember you're helping save lives and everything gets better." Your eyes meet his and it's only then you realize you've been wandering this whole time. Her hands quickly land over her mouth in embarrassment, her eyes widen.

"I'm sorry, I'm-I-"

"No! It's okay" he cuts you off. "Thanks. In truth. Actually, I didn't know I thought that way. To be honest, these days it's really hard on the divide but - that's really no reason to forget about you. When you miss me, you can call me without hesitation. I love you dear. You are and always will be my priority." After everything he said, you couldn't help but get emotional. Taking advantage of your position beside him, you hug him tight, surprising him by the sudden act. It doesn't take long for him to reciprocate, wrapping you gently in his arms, as if you were so fragile to the point of breaking.

You knew he loved you, you knew he cared and worried about you a lot. You were aware that he is very busy and admired him even more to see the effort he makes to be with you.

"Thank you, Gunnie. You are the best boyfriend I could ever have." Cupping his jaw in your hands, you take him by surprise when you bring your lips together in a quick peck - being in a public environment. "I think we should spend more afternoons together like this."

"Can I say the same, dear."

⊹₊˚ʚ❛original by:: @hyunjinners ¡ Like × reblog!❜ɞ

[tea-coven]

I've been kinda hesitant to share this because I don't want to leak any personal info of anyone or myself, but I think I formatted it in a way that's respectful :>

About a year ago I attended my pediatrician, a lovely older woman who always made me feel really comfortable and I had a lot of fun talking with (which is rare for a doctor!). I was in my senior year of high school and she began asking typical college questions near the end of the appointment. Eventually she got to the expected, "-and what are you planning on majoring in?", I told her "2D animation!" I began to elaborate, as a lot of people I talked to about it usually needed me to explain what that meant, like cartoons, princess and the frog, etc. Eventually she spoke up in an "Ah!" manner, and excitedly said "Like Disney channel!".

This is went the story goes insane for me. And lead me to nearly passing out.

She states "you can make a lot of money off of those, very lucrative, congrats!". I was...confused. Most animators aren't known for their salaries and I wanted to know where she got the idea. She said "well my best best friend's kid, basically my godson haha, makes a lot off of it. He actually made a show on Disney!" (It was really sweet how proud she seemed, while still casual) I was pretty intrigued about this, and since I knew a good amount of animated shows and am really passionate about the subject, asked "what show? I probably have seen or heard of it!" (Especially since she said "made" and not "worked on"). She begins to go on about how she isn't sure if it's super well known or anything, but after more prodding (not malicious, I just was curious/ wanted learn about how he started), she goes

"Well I don't remember the name or much about it, but I do know that it stars twins, cause he himself is one." She began to go on about him, wanting to visit, and general stories about her and her friend. Small talk!

Unfortunately, I had froze, and also became increasingly grateful that I was in a doctors clinic.

I paused, and gently asked "is he...Alex Hirsch?"

"Oh you know him!"

"His show is gravity falls...it like, is the reason I'm so passionate about animating, story telling, etc. he's the reason I'm going to school for this."

She began to look a little confused while I talked, as I think she started realizing that this was not a small show. I speak up (albeit a little starstruck) telling her about how most my friends also really love the show. She had seen some of my work before, and began discussing how she was "sure he'd be as big a fan as her". (I don't say this in a parasocial, or bragging way btw, i just again found her really sweet and fun, and this a cute interaction)

The appointment was pretty much over by this point, but before I left she said "I'll give him a call and tell him about you! I'm sure he'd be flattered." I, as any 18 year old aspiring animator, go into a RATIONAL fugue state.

As my dad and I were leaving, and he finished signing some paperwork, she came out of a room down the hall waving, and called my name

"I just called and told him about you! He was very flattered! Good luck!"

And I, as any 18 yo aspiring animator, did the rational response

And passed out in the car

[madsworld15]

Letter to Gavin Creel

Dear Gavin,

I was in the middle of a major website project at work on Monday when I heard that you had passed away. For the first time in my life, I actually sobbed hysterically at the death of someone famous. When I say sobbed hysterically, I mean unable to focus on anything because my eyes were too wet and my chest was too tight. I hadn’t cried like this since the day my grandmother died four years ago.

You see, I don't usually get this visibly upset when people in the public sphere pass away. Sure, I was sad when people like Sondheim, Betty White, and Robin Williams died. But I've never been so upset that I couldn't function. That is just your impact on the world, for me and so many others.

The last time I saw you in person was in 2017 at the stage door of She Loves Me. Despite it having been years since then, I believe that if we’d met at a stage door or other event today, you’d still recognize me. Because that is the type of person you are. I guess were, now that you’ve passed, but I can’t find it in myself to talk of you in the past tense. It just doesn’t seem real that someone so full of life and immortal is no longer here with us, dancing through this thing called life.

You don’t know this, but I got to see you perform in my favorite musical, Into the Woods, when the tour came to Philadelphia in April of last year. It was a last-minute decision that fell on a weeknight, so I couldn’t stay late afterward to stage door. Of course, I thought to myself that I’d have plenty more opportunities to see you work your craft. Now that you’ve passed, I wish I had said “fuck it” to having to be at work the next day and stayed to chat with you.

Like so many of those who looked up to and admired you, I first discovered you when I was in HS watching Eloise at the Plaza. As a child, I had adored the Eloise books, so naturally, I was excited to see a film made about the precocious girl. Back then I had no idea who you were, just that your name was attached to the character of Bill. I adored Bill and his silly, over-the-top theatrics and became obsessed with watching the movie just for him – though Eloise was great, too.

Then, as a freshman in college, I started talking to this person from New York City through a mutual fan group on Facebook. She encouraged my very limited knowledge of musical theatre and introduced me to so many new things. One of them was a bootleg recording of Hair from 2009. The energy you exuded on stage was palpable, even from the grainy 2000s video.

At that point in my life, I was sure I would never get out of Kansas. I knew I was different and didn't fit in with the other people in my small-town Kansas community. By the time I left and moved to NY in 2013, I still wasn't sure what my identity was, but I was certain I belonged to the queer community. Upon arriving in New York, I quickly found myself immersed in the musical theatre community there.

One of the first shows I saw was The Book of Mormon. I would visit the theatre at least once a week, sometimes even twice. I didn't really have the finances to do that, but my mental health demanded comfort, and that show was where I found it. So, once or twice a week, I would play the lottery or do standing room.

By the time you moved from The Book of Mormon on the West End to Broadway, I was ready for you but also hesitant to love you because your predecessor, Nic Rouleau, had had such a profound impact on my mental health and self-worth. From the moment I met you, though, I knew I could never have any feelings other than love for you.

Sure, I already knew I loved you as a performer from the years of watching bootlegs of your performances, listening to your EPs, and loving you in Eloise. However, my connection and attachment to The Book of Mormon was so great that each time the leads switched, I had a hard time adjusting.

It was different with you, though. You immediately took me under your wing and made me know I was important to you. That first night, you forced me to hand over my phone for our photo, and you scrolled through filters until you found the one you wanted. Then you insisted we do silly faces, that serious faces weren't needed. It was as if you knew I needed comfort more than a professional stage door selfie.

Over the course of the year you were part of the Broadway company, we interacted many times. Every time you saw me, your face would light up, you'd insist on a silly photo, and then you'd ask me if I was doing okay and how work was going. You genuinely wanted to know. It was something that got me through those extremely dark days of working a job I hated but not knowing any other path I could go on.

I didn't ever tell you this, but those moments kept my suicidal thoughts during that time at bay. Knowing I could swing by the stage door at any time, whether I'd seen the show or not, and talk to you was what got me through. We never talked about anything profound or world-changing, but you asking me about my day and encouraging me to find my passion changed my whole life.

After you left Mormon, I didn't see you again until the final days of She Loves Me. I fully expected you to not remember who I was, but you did. Once again, your smile grew at the sight of me, and you made a joke while wiggling your face to emphasize the mustache on your face. I wish I'd taken more time to tell you about my life that day. To connect more with you, but I didn't.

I had no way of knowing that would be the last time I would see you perform for many years. Not long after that, my finances took a major hit, and I moved to NJ, making trips to Broadway a bit harder to accomplish. So, I wasn't able to see you in Waitress or Hello, Dolly. But, man, did I want to. I did have the chance to watch clips of you in these shows and bask in the glory of your singing voice and stage presence, even if it was from afar.

I started to understand myself more clearly and made friends who helped me find an identity that made sense to me. Then, 2020 hit, and I suffered quite a few losses in my family. I struggled to keep my head above water, but my queer friends reminded me that there were things worth living for. Through these friendships, I started to find my way out of the mess I was in and found joy in musical theatre again. I started to listening to your personal music and the cast albums of your shows. It wasn't the only music I listened to, but it helped me get through the most.

Then, Into the Woods happened. By this time, I had started to be a co-leader in a local Tri-State Queer group. We would all get together and talk about TV, Broadway, Music, and Movies. It was so rejuvenating. A group of us got tickets to see Into the Woods on Broadway, but I couldn't be part of that due to finances. However, my best friend works for Ticket Philadelphia, so he promised that I could go with him when it came to Philadelphia on tour.

And that brings us to the close of this letter. I got to see you exude that joy all over the stage one last time in Into the Woods on Tour. It was one of the best nights of my life. Your performance of Agony will live on in my memories forever. As will your performance of I Believe in The Book of Mormon.

I never got around to telling you this in person, so I will say it now: Thank you so much for all the moments in my life that your presence or your voice got me through. Your passion for life and love was always awe-inspiring, and it's what I will carry with me through the years. We all deserved to see you do so much more in the world of Broadway, musical theatre, and beyond. Life truly is unfair, but I'm grateful for what I was able to experience with you.

Rest easy, dance often, and spread your sunshine from the beyond.

Mads

[velarisvalkyrie]

Things that bother me most about the ACOTAR characters that keep me up at night - Rhys, Feyre, Cassian and Nesta Edition. Please do not atatck me I'm just sharing my thoughts to see if anyone else gets a bothered by these.

Rhysand:

Telling Azriel if he needs to fuck someone to go to a pleasure hall and pay for it was such an unneccesarily cruel thing to say to his "brother". I like Az but I no longer can see him with Elain after a few read throughs of the series but there was no reason for Rhys to be THAT harsh in telling him to stay away from her. Like that is how you're talking to someone you claim to love in your court where you apparently "don't pull rank" - yeah okay.

Not telling Feyre about her pregnancy. I do not care if he thought it was removing stress from her, he took away her choice to help be involved in finding a solution or at least prepare for the outcome ahead.

Enjoying Nesta being afraid of him at the start of ACOSF. I know he isn't her biggest fan but his mate loves her cuz that is her sister like dude you shouldn't get an ego boost from her fearing you. It's gross to me and such a toxic trait. Reminds me of real men I don't like.

I feel like Rhysand only gives people choices that he is able to orchestrate. When you read through all the moments he's giving someone options you notice they are mostly options that no matter how someone chooses it's gonna benefit him and/or his court and his court only. Or he puts people in positions where essentially they don't have a better option - the only better option is to agree with him. Does no one else notice that??? Should I make a separate post on that in better detail one day?

Feyre:

She hesitates before she interrupts Ianthe from SAing Lucien. And when she does interfere its cuz she thinks of what Ianthe has done to Rhys. Look, I do not care how mad I am at a friend - I do not care if it is the person I hate most, I could never hesitate to stop someone from going through the trauma of SA. Whether I love or hate you if I can stop it I am going to stop it.

Telling Nesta directly that one of the few reasons she's forcing Nesta to go through .... whatever you wanna call the whole training/house of wind/library routine - is because if Feyre and Rhys can't even control Nesta why should they deserve to rule a court. I understand this from a political point of view but I do not think that is a helpful way to talk to someone in such a bad state. If someone said that to me I would think to myself: So I'm just damage control you're doing and not actually cared about.

I know people love the whole Feyre in her night gown going to Lucien with a nightmare. But when you think about it more it's so dangerous to Lucien. Yes, I know Feyre listens to make sure Tamlin didn't attack Lucien after she left the room but what if he did and she was a second too late to stop it??? Not only would that leave Lucien harmed or dead but like what would that have done to Elain??? Would she feel it through the bond? What would have happened to her if Lucien died??? No consideration for Elain or Lucien in that moment.

Pointing out Lucien is hanging out with other people who don't have a home. That was a cruel comment. That was a comment not needed and maybe she said it cuz she was hurt he doesn't seem comfortable in her home with her famoly but what do you expect from him when everyone either treats him coldly or tolerates him. Like we have maybe 2 or 3 canon moments where the Inner Circle is being decent to him. Like yeah I'm sure he isn't comfortable. That's not even touching the awkward Elain thing going on.

Cassian:

"Everybody hates you!" Yucky. He knew Nesta was in a bad place and there were signs of self-loathing and he still said that. Then he wants to pout and whine that she doesn't open up easily to him or talk to him about what bothers her for quite a while.

Not having enough patience with her when she isn't ready to call him her mate. She's just gotten somewhat comfortable with being Fae and she just now is really getting a life of her own within Velaris. She did not choose to be Fae, she was just getting comfortable. She even tries to kinda explain to Cassian that the word mate would take away the last scrap of her humanity. She isn't even trying to be hurtful in that moment, she's just stumbling to explain why it was so hard for her to say "mate" and what does Cassian do in response? Not only does he keep demanding her to say it he also goes: "Well, I didn't have a choice in being shackled to you, either."

When Nesta comes up the 10,000 steps the first time and she has visible wounds that she's fallen. He couldn't take like five seconds to just "By the way, are you going to heal alright or are you in bad pain?"

Nesta:

Judging Feyre at the dinner table in ACOMAF when Feyre first visits with Rhys, Cassian and Azriel. So rude and snide and full of hate for no real reason. I love Nesta now but ohhh did I hate her in those first two books.

How she told Feyre the truth was bad. While I would much rather hear the truth even if it was meant to hurt me than to not have a single fucking clue what was happening to my body and my baby, I still did not like how Nesta went about the situation.

Telling Elain she may finally be interesting was just a tasteless low blow.

This is getting too long so I might do a Part 2 for the ones that have a somewhat shorter list: Azriel (still adore him) Lucien (yes, I do actually have some fair criticism of him despite being a clear Lucien lover) Elain (I have only 1 comment but if I put it in this one I feel people are gonna rip me apart) Mor, and Amren.

[stitchdfox]

Eddie is on tour pt 3

His eyes blur as he stares at his phone. The phone app open, taunting him with Steve’s contact info. His thumb hovers over the green call button. Hesitant.

“Come on, Munson. He told you to call him.” Eddie mumbles to himself.

“Joining us tonight?” Their drummer Gareth asks as he slaps Eddie on the shoulder.

“Ah. No. Gotta make a call.” Eddie holds his phone in the air.

“Who’s Steve?” Gareth asks.

Eddie blushes and locks his phone.

“Come on, Gar.” Jeff pulls him away as he flashes a knowing smile at Eddie.

Gods. He owed that man a shot of tequila and the best wingman award.

Eddie takes a breath. Finally tapping the call icon.

“Hey there.” Steve’s voice is groggy.

It only rang once. Was he waiting for him to call?

“Hey.” Eddie smirks. “It’s like 3 am in Indiana. What are you doing up so late?”

“Well, I’m actually in Chicago so it’s only 2 am. And I’m working on an essay for school. Deadline is coming fast.” There’s a rustle of papers being gathered. “May have accidentally dozed off…”

He’s so cute.

“Whatcha gonna be when you grow up, Stevie?” Eddie cringes at his awkwardness.

“Guidance councilor. Hopefully. Schools not the the easiest for me so, it’s been a lot of late nights.” Steve yawns. “How was the show?”

“Surreal.”

Steve hums.

“Honestly, I don’t think it’ll ever not be surreal.” Eddie stares up at the clear night sky above him. He’ll stay with the van outside the venue until the guys get back.

“I’ve loved music all my life. My uncle used to play the radio while we made breakfast. He shared his old records with me when I was old enough to understand how fragile they could be. From there I saved up for my first guitar, my baby, and I knew from the moment I first held her there was no turning back.”

“Wow.” Steve breathes low.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to—“

“Don’t be sorry, man. That’s so cool. What bands inspired you?” Steve asks, urging him on.

“There’s a few,” Eddie holds up his fingers as he names them. “Metallica- Master of Puppets was the first song I taught myself. Wild. You know how hard that song is to play? Worth it though. Then there’s Dio, Megadeath, Black Sabbath and Ozzy of course.”

“Of course.” Steve says.

“Do you even know who Ozzy is?”

“Yeah. I know who Ozzy is. He was on that reality show where they swore a lot.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. “No Steve—“

“Yes Eddie. He was on that show.”

“Okay, yes he was on the show but do you know his music?” Eddie can’t help the smile that grows on his lips.

“Guess I have some more homework.”

“Steve, you don’t have to listen to them. I’m sure they’re not your taste.” Eddie runs his fingers nervously through his hair.

“I want to. If you like them then they have be pretty good.” Steve says.

“Don’t give me too much credit here, sweetheart. I’m just the guitarist of a small metal band.” Eddie slumps his shoulders.

“Come on! You’re on tour, literally right now on tour, with a big name band that invited you to join them. That’s huge.” Steve’s voice is loud and excited. “Like, where are you guys right now?”

“Denver.” He says low.

“See. I’ve never been west of St. Louis.” He goes quiet. “Anyway, it’ll be nice change of pace from my Harry Styles kick.”

Eddie let’s out a guffaw. “I would be into a One Direction fan.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line.

“Shit.” Eddie says to himself as he squats down, wrapping his arm around his bent knees.

“You’re… into me?” Steve asks with an air to his voice.

“I… um…”

Silence again.

“The honest answer?” Eddie sighs.

“Mhmm.” Steve’s voice is soft.

“Alright. Here goes.” Eddie stands up, a little light headed from the action. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I called you by accident that night. I don’t even know what you look like and it wouldn’t matter at this point. There is something so… so…” he’s at a loss of words.

“So what, Eddie?” Steve’s voice is a whisper.

“Amazing. Wonderful. Heart stopping. I want to write songs about you. And now that I’ve put myself out there I don’t even know if you’re into guys, let alone a stranger and—“

“Eddie.”

“I’ve ruined this like I ruin everything.”

“Eds.”

“I’m such an idiot and—“

“Babe.”

Eddie stops pacing in a circle and let’s that word settle in.

“I know it was your turn to spiral this time but you’ve gotta breathe.” Steve waits for him to take a deep breath. “It is a bit crazy but I… I mean… Me too! I was being honest when I told you I drove my best friend crazy talking about calling you.”

They both laugh and Eddie sighs.

Steve speaks again. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Eddie taps the back of his head against the van.

“I should let you go, sweetheart. I’m sure you have class tomorrow.”

“I do. I’ll text you when I get home and maybe we can talk again?” His voice is a bit shaky. Nervous maybe.

“I’d love that.” Eddie’s heart threatens to beat out of his chest right there in the venue parking lot.

“Sweet dreams, rockstar.” Steve teases.

“Good night, big boy.” Eddie hangs up the call before Steve can respond.

His muscle loosen as he leans against the side of the van. His phone vibrates once in his hand. He looks down to see a message from Steve.

“Hope your imagination didn’t oversell my good looks. 😉”

There’s no way the picture to follow is of a real human being.

Steve has a strong jawline, moles dotting his face and neck, his hair is auburn and a bit on the long side, not that he had anything on Eddie’s length.

His eyes were bright and hazel. His smile wide and perfect.

Eddie opened the van door to dig in his bag. He pulls out his head phones, flops on the middle bench, and searches Spotify.

If he pulls up the “this is Harry Styles” playlist it was nobody’s business but his own.

——

Part 1 here.

Part 2 here.

Part 4 to follow. I’m kind of in love with this AU rn.

If you’re interested I’m posting on my Twitter as well.