#to sam winchester in particular

[fandom-hoarder]

Happy Mother's Day to Sam Winchester.

It's his fourth Mother's Day with DJ, and without Dean. Not that he and Dean ever celebrated it...

It's technically only Dean Junior's third Mother's Day, his birthday still months away. He brought home a card from preschool with a printout picture of him and Miracle cut in a heart shape and glued onto construction paper. He drew their family-- Sam, DJ, Miracle --mostly as scribbles, in the empty space on the paper. Sam feels his eyes prickle, smiling and thanking DJ for the picture, hugging him tight.

He looks at the picture again and his breath catches. Instead of the blue SUV that Sam drives, there's a black trapezoid that's clearly the impala, and in the sky where there might usually be a sun, there is a shape that looks a lot more like a halo, positioned (coincidentally?) above the driver's side. And inside, a shape seems to glow. He blinks hard and looks again, sliding his thumb over the space to feel the lack of crayon scribble, and makes himself breathe. Just a strange discoloration on the paper---not a ghost his son has drawn. And surely that halo is just a wonky circle of a sun.

"Do I have a mommy?" DJ asks, and Sam has to laugh a little sadly at the question.

A little too reminiscent of questions Sam used to ask Dean when he was little, but also something they've talked about before when DJ was younger. He's just a little too young still to remember everything yet when it comes to social constructs.

"Well, DJ, I'm your birthing parent, so for the purposes of this holiday, I'm your mom." Sam can't help blushing a little, thinking of how Dean would tease him about being the mom.

DJ just blinks up at him and says, "Oh! Yay! Happy Mother's Day, mommy!"

"Dean," Sam starts to admonish, caught off guard as DJ kisses his cheek and hops off his lap to run off with Miracle. "I'm still your dad! I'm still daddy!"

"Okay, mommy-daddy!" DJ says, like it's decided, and starts flying around like an airplane while Miracle barks happily like a puppy.

Sam sighs and looks to the sky. "Even without you here, he is so your child."

[crackers4jenn]

spn is such a funny show, it'll be like:

Naomi tells Cas he has to choose "us, or them" and 'them' is meant to imply Sam and Dean both, but then

she makes Cas kill fake copies of Dean only

Or Metatron will speechify about how Cas is "in love... with humanity"

and then give Cas another lil speech about how it was all "to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of Heaven, but ultimately it was about saving one human, right?"

Ishim shows up and tries to tell Cas how weak he is for befriending Sam and Dean

and then when he wants to "cure" Cas of his human weakness, that weakness is just Dean

AND THEN you'll have things like

Sam will say that Cas is family, that he'd die for him

but he also refers to Cas as an "it" just hanging around in a vessel strong enough to take on Lucifer (in season 11!! It's not like he said that in s4 or something, it was like 8 years after knowing the guy)

Or in "Regarding Dean," Dean will say to Sam "and our best friend's an angel!"

and then when he's by himself in the mirror, he'll say "and Cast--Cas is my best friend."

[thedeadedhooman]

get me on the call with eric kripke because I need to know his version of the supernatural finale. I just know it would've been a banger. it would've been the darkest of shit and horrifyingly gory and too tragic to even rewatch but it would give you a fetish so bad you'd find yourself going back and watching it while you gag and jack off at the same time. it would've been wacky enough to even have him cancelled by a section of the fandom.

[incesthemes]

i went to jared's panel at dragon con yesterday and when asked who his favorite supernatural character is, he responded: "i have a deep love and appreciation for dean winchester" 😊😊😊💖

[youchoseeachother]

Sam, getting to know Dean in season 1.

[future-dregs]

 🫀 If you love me, then EAT ME!

Chew me up and SWALLOW  🫀

[preseriesdean]

You think I'm bad? Wait 'til you meet the other one.

SAM WEEK 2023 6.22, “THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH”

[spnintheyearofourlord]

Thinking about Sam and how central autonomy and violation is to his character. How many times and ways he had his choice taken away throughout the series. All the things we don’t know about his time with Lucifer, but are also so heavily implied that we do.

Imagining he eventually gets out of The Life and becomes a victim’s advocate. He ultimately decides not to try and pursue law school at this stage in his life—it’s been so long and so much has changed—but finishes his bachelor’s and pursues a master’s in social work. He never expected to end up here: the boy with the demon blood, no longer living out some doomed and twisted fate, helping people. He’s passionate about representing those made most vulnerable and unsafe in their own skin, supporting others as they come out the other side survivors, lending the compassion he’s always struggled to have for himself. Every time he listens to someone else’s story, helps connect them to resources, advocates for their case, he heals a little bit too.

[unkindledangell]

Saw this pic and—

Sam and his crush on doctors *wink* *wink*

[hacked-wtsdz]

I gotta tell you, the spn pilot could’ve been a lot more insane that what we got! “Look at your little girl now” what.

[lambmotifz]

my fav ethel cain songs that remind me of sam winchester

[incesthemes]

it's a chicken-or-egg kind of conflict, built on unreasonable expectations and toxic desire.

sam and dean choose to be codependent in 1.22 devil's trap: they both make grandiose statements that communicate their devotion to each other. but then, between 2.02 everybody loves a clown and around 2.04 children shouldn't play with dead things, sam starts talking about honoring their dad and trying to do right by him. he's guilty that john died before they could actually have a good relationship; he's just started to forgive him for their upbringing, and now he's gone and the way he copes with that is by trying to follow in john's footsteps, as if to prove that he's fine now with the life he's given them.

but john just sold his soul for dean and told dean that he might have to kill his brother—dean has come to perceive john as an enemy. john is asking dean to do the impossible, and on top of that he's left dean without anyone to guide him and tell him how to act. and so dean has cast john out in favor of entering a codependent unit with sam. sam is now all dean has left, physically and emotionally, and sam just declared his devotion to dean in no uncertain terms, chose him definitively, and so sam is therefore agreeing to fill in all of the holes john left behind so that dean can feel whole again.

but here sam is "allying" himself with john.

and sam obviously isn't intentionally trying to hurt dean; he's having a normal response to death. but sam's loyalty to dean and john can't coexist in dean's eyes, and that means sam is reneging on his commitment to dean, even though sam absolutely did not do that. and so dean he keeps to himself and refuses to open up about the truth because he can't trust sam to side with him, afraid of rejection or admonishment (which he receives anyway across the beginning of season 2, reinforcing those fears). he's angry and he feels alone because sam "chose" john when dean needed him most.

and as a result, because sam is of course still trying to be codependent with dean, dean's refusal to open up and be honest with him is equally seen as a betrayal of their commitment. to sam, honoring john is not in conflict with being codependent with dean. yet for some reason, dean won't even talk to him. he expects complete and open honesty from dean with their new dynamic—secrets are no longer acceptable because they're supposed to be on the same page, always—and he's not getting it, and it hurts. all he can see is betrayal.

of course sam is going to mourn his father after he's worked so hard to forgive him. of course dean is going to get frustrated at having no one to share his grief and anger with. of course sam is going to be hurt by dean's rejection. of course they're going to be upset at each other's betrayal of a profound commitment. it's a lot of reasonable reactions to unreasonable expectations, irrational perceptions, and half-truths that distort and warp their realities into something toxic and unmanageable. it's all about those subtle moments which unknowingly communicate betrayal of an undernegotiated relationship, all amplified by the heightened tension of grief and loss.

and around and around it goes.

[quietwingsinthesky]

Irks me a little bit whenever Dean torturing in Hell is positioned as his own fault, or even really his choice to do. We get given the solid number, 30 years of torture for him and 10 inflicting it on other people (which was also more torture for him because it’s Hell, the torture evolves, it doesn’t stop), and we get told that wasn’t long enough. That John held out longer. That angels were going to pull Dean out of Hell and if he’d just held on a few years more, the seal wouldn’t have been broken.

But that isn’t true, right? We know Heaven wanted the seal broken, ergo Dean wasn’t getting saved until it was. Until it, and he, we’re thoroughly broken and usable by Heaven to achieve their own ends (ie to make him into a good (obedient) Michael sword.) So, it wouldn’t have mattered how long he held out in Apocalyptic terms because the game (that he didn’t know he was playing) was rigged against him.

But more importantly for Dean, the amount of time he managed not to break literally does not matter. Because it was never going to be long enough. Thirty years, forty, a hundred, a thousand, it does not matter how long he held out because the breaking itself is the unforgivable part to him and the breaking was always inevitable.

Anyway. There’s my Dean meta for the year. Eat up, I guess.

[sweetonsugden]

So, in S7x06 “Slash Fiction”, Dean has to ditch Baby for the time being.

He and Sam are in another car and the radio is playing “All Out Of Love” by Air Supply and Dean starts singing along.

The lyrics kinda fit mourning a certain angel. Just sayin….

Also, just sayin…. slash fiction is about romantic fiction of same sex pairings and this song is about romantic loss and sadness.

[Verse 1]

I'm lyin' alone with my head on the phone

Thinkin' of you till it hurts

I know you're hurt too, but what else can we do

Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart

For times when my life seems so low

It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring

When today doesn't really know

Doesn't really know

[Chorus]

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

I know you were right

Believing for so long

I'm all out of love

What am I without you?

I can't be too late

To say that I was so wrong

[Verse 2]

I want you to come back and carry me home

Away from these long, lonely nights

I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too

Does the feeling seem oh so right

And what would you say if I called on you now

And said that I can't hold on

There's no easy way, it gets harder each day

Please love me or I'll be gone

I'll be gone

[Chorus]

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

I know you were right

Believing for so long

I'm all out of love

What am I without you?

I can't be too late

To say that I was so wrong

[genderqueersammy]

Sam just fucking nodding when that random prisoner said ‘you’re mine baby’, girl what the fuck are you doing?

[samlover4evr]

my favorite shots from episode 6