#to sam winchester in particular

[fandom-hoarder]

Happy Mother's Day to Sam Winchester.

It's his fourth Mother's Day with DJ, and without Dean. Not that he and Dean ever celebrated it...

It's technically only Dean Junior's third Mother's Day, his birthday still months away. He brought home a card from preschool with a printout picture of him and Miracle cut in a heart shape and glued onto construction paper. He drew their family-- Sam, DJ, Miracle --mostly as scribbles, in the empty space on the paper. Sam feels his eyes prickle, smiling and thanking DJ for the picture, hugging him tight.

He looks at the picture again and his breath catches. Instead of the blue SUV that Sam drives, there's a black trapezoid that's clearly the impala, and in the sky where there might usually be a sun, there is a shape that looks a lot more like a halo, positioned (coincidentally?) above the driver's side. And inside, a shape seems to glow. He blinks hard and looks again, sliding his thumb over the space to feel the lack of crayon scribble, and makes himself breathe. Just a strange discoloration on the paper---not a ghost his son has drawn. And surely that halo is just a wonky circle of a sun.

"Do I have a mommy?" DJ asks, and Sam has to laugh a little sadly at the question.

A little too reminiscent of questions Sam used to ask Dean when he was little, but also something they've talked about before when DJ was younger. He's just a little too young still to remember everything yet when it comes to social constructs.

"Well, DJ, I'm your birthing parent, so for the purposes of this holiday, I'm your mom." Sam can't help blushing a little, thinking of how Dean would tease him about being the mom.

DJ just blinks up at him and says, "Oh! Yay! Happy Mother's Day, mommy!"

"Dean," Sam starts to admonish, caught off guard as DJ kisses his cheek and hops off his lap to run off with Miracle. "I'm still your dad! I'm still daddy!"

"Okay, mommy-daddy!" DJ says, like it's decided, and starts flying around like an airplane while Miracle barks happily like a puppy.

Sam sighs and looks to the sky. "Even without you here, he is so your child."

[thedeadedhooman]

get me on the call with eric kripke because I need to know his version of the supernatural finale. I just know it would've been a banger. it would've been the darkest of shit and horrifyingly gory and too tragic to even rewatch but it would give you a fetish so bad you'd find yourself going back and watching it while you gag and jack off at the same time. it would've been wacky enough to even have him cancelled by a section of the fandom.

[youchoseeachother]

Sam, getting to know Dean in season 1.

[incesthemes]

i went to jared's panel at dragon con yesterday and when asked who his favorite supernatural character is, he responded: "i have a deep love and appreciation for dean winchester" 😊😊😊💖

[apocalyypse]

“What am I in this instant? I’m a typewriter making the dry echo in the dark, humid dawn. I haven’t been human for a long time. They wanted me to be an object. I am an object. An object dirty with blood. An object that creates other objects and the machine creates us all. It makes demands. Mechanisms make endless demands on my life. But I don’t totally obey: if I have to be an object, let me be an object that screams.”

― Clarice Lispector, The Stream of Life

[future-dregs]

 🫀 If you love me, then EAT ME!

Chew me up and SWALLOW  🫀

[unkindledangell]

Saw this pic and—

Sam and his crush on doctors *wink* *wink*

[preseriesdean]

You think I'm bad? Wait 'til you meet the other one.

SAM WEEK 2023 6.22, “THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH”

[techwrecker]

the ache in my chest for supernatural is almost too much to bear.

[bardicious]

Being pissed off at Supernatural writers is wild. Fam, you're literally watching Supernatural.

[evie-doesnt-write]

The thing is… I do think that there is a certain part of SPN fandom who are only interested in it as a typical Gothic Horror story and so only select certain aspects of the show so it aligns with their ideal of Gothic Horror. Which like, I don’t think anything is wrong with that per se, in that fandom is a space for enjoyment, first and foremost, and to dictate how someone should enjoy any media or text is ludicrous and harmful… But I still think it’s leads to this pigeonholing of the show, and of Sam and Dean, their relationship and their characters, and neglecting facets of them that are a fundamental part of their character but go against fan interpretation.

[spnintheyearofourlord]

Thinking about Sam and how central autonomy and violation is to his character. How many times and ways he had his choice taken away throughout the series. All the things we don’t know about his time with Lucifer, but are also so heavily implied that we do.

Imagining he eventually gets out of The Life and becomes a victim’s advocate. He ultimately decides not to try and pursue law school at this stage in his life—it’s been so long and so much has changed—but finishes his bachelor’s and pursues a master’s in social work. He never expected to end up here: the boy with the demon blood, no longer living out some doomed and twisted fate, helping people. He’s passionate about representing those made most vulnerable and unsafe in their own skin, supporting others as they come out the other side survivors, lending the compassion he’s always struggled to have for himself. Every time he listens to someone else’s story, helps connect them to resources, advocates for their case, he heals a little bit too.

[lambmotifz]

my fav ethel cain songs that remind me of sam winchester

[hacked-wtsdz]

I gotta tell you, the spn pilot could’ve been a lot more insane that what we got! “Look at your little girl now” what.

[genderqueersammy]

Sam just fucking nodding when that random prisoner said ‘you’re mine baby’, girl what the fuck are you doing?

[incesthemes]

it's a chicken-or-egg kind of conflict, built on unreasonable expectations and toxic desire.

sam and dean choose to be codependent in 1.22 devil's trap: they both make grandiose statements that communicate their devotion to each other. but then, between 2.02 everybody loves a clown and around 2.04 children shouldn't play with dead things, sam starts talking about honoring their dad and trying to do right by him. he's guilty that john died before they could actually have a good relationship; he's just started to forgive him for their upbringing, and now he's gone and the way he copes with that is by trying to follow in john's footsteps, as if to prove that he's fine now with the life he's given them.

but john just sold his soul for dean and told dean that he might have to kill his brother—dean has come to perceive john as an enemy. john is asking dean to do the impossible, and on top of that he's left dean without anyone to guide him and tell him how to act. and so dean has cast john out in favor of entering a codependent unit with sam. sam is now all dean has left, physically and emotionally, and sam just declared his devotion to dean in no uncertain terms, chose him definitively, and so sam is therefore agreeing to fill in all of the holes john left behind so that dean can feel whole again.

but here sam is "allying" himself with john.

and sam obviously isn't intentionally trying to hurt dean; he's having a normal response to death. but sam's loyalty to dean and john can't coexist in dean's eyes, and that means sam is reneging on his commitment to dean, even though sam absolutely did not do that. and so dean he keeps to himself and refuses to open up about the truth because he can't trust sam to side with him, afraid of rejection or admonishment (which he receives anyway across the beginning of season 2, reinforcing those fears). he's angry and he feels alone because sam "chose" john when dean needed him most.

and as a result, because sam is of course still trying to be codependent with dean, dean's refusal to open up and be honest with him is equally seen as a betrayal of their commitment. to sam, honoring john is not in conflict with being codependent with dean. yet for some reason, dean won't even talk to him. he expects complete and open honesty from dean with their new dynamic—secrets are no longer acceptable because they're supposed to be on the same page, always—and he's not getting it, and it hurts. all he can see is betrayal.

of course sam is going to mourn his father after he's worked so hard to forgive him. of course dean is going to get frustrated at having no one to share his grief and anger with. of course sam is going to be hurt by dean's rejection. of course they're going to be upset at each other's betrayal of a profound commitment. it's a lot of reasonable reactions to unreasonable expectations, irrational perceptions, and half-truths that distort and warp their realities into something toxic and unmanageable. it's all about those subtle moments which unknowingly communicate betrayal of an undernegotiated relationship, all amplified by the heightened tension of grief and loss.

and around and around it goes.