#to prove himself. i know it’s a much more roundabout way of thinking when compared to roger just wanting to make people laugh becuase

[nite-puff]

Kyoko Kirigiri Eddie Valiant

OKAY- so i’ve definitely thought of this. but she has to be live action. she has to be fan casted real person while mondo and taka are animated. just to keep in line with the movie.

also would the dead brother be jin??? or her grandfather??? i’m thinking maybe grandfather because he was also a detective. “i don’t work for toons. a toon killed my grandfather.”

also exploring a taka and kyoko buddy cop duo-like dynamic is funny, especially considering if taka is trying to get kyoko to let loose and laugh for whatever reason.

also alcoholic kyoko…. hmm…

[merakiui]

MERA, You and your step!milf notes are killing me in the best wayyyyyy. Pls if you ever have time or inclination to expand on any Step!Milf thoughts I would love to read more. If your tired of seeing my step! parent asks, please ignore this.

:D I am never tired of seeing your stepcest asks, dearest anon!!! <3 please forgive me for having fish on the brain. Alas, I can't get over the new Octavinelle manga panels......... they're wedged in my cranium forever. orz

Thinking about stepson Floyd who spends a few days at home. At first you and his father assumed he was just visiting, but then days turn into weeks and weeks into months. Floyd just doesn't want to leave. Every good thing he could ever want is here. He loves his step-mama to pieces, and even though you and Papa Leech love and dote on Floyd and will always welcome him into his childhood home,,,, he's starting to overstay his welcome. ^^;;; Floyd has his own place, his own bills to pay, his own life to live. You try to suggest in the kindest, most roundabout way that, as much as you love him, he needs to leave. T_T

But Floyd doesn't want to. Why should he when he has you right here? Why should he when he gets to poke around your dirty laundry? Or when he gets to be so close to you, using the same shampoo you do, peeping in at the outline of your silhouette against the shower curtain!!!! Why should he when he gets to have you all to himself when his pops is out of the house?

So, even though you didn't want it to come to this, you and your husband make the decision to kick him out. As much as you care for him, he can't move back in. He's too big to stay in the nest. Floyd acts like he understands. He was being a nuisance; he gets it. He knows how much his old man can nag when people become too pesky. The last thing you see of Floyd is his smile as the door's shut gently in front of him. He took it well. Far more nicely than either of you were expecting.

Or maybe that was just the calm before the storm because weeks later you wake up in your stepson's home, and he's leaning over you from where you're shackled to the bed. "Figured you ought to spend some time with me," Floyd tells you, but his smile is too sharp, his eyes too bright. "You're in my home now, and I'm not gonna kick my mama to the curb."

You try to reason with him. Surely he understands... His brother wasn't like this, so what happened? Floyd scowls at you. Don't compare him to Jade. He's loved you more than Jade ever could, and he'll prove it when his hands start to wander. Family doesn't get closer than this, does it? :)

[blu-joons]

My Last Piece ~ Im Jaebum

-part 1- 

You never quite imagined that you’d find yourself in the position once again, sitting opposite Jaebum was something that you vowed never to do, not after he broke your heart. But as you were always told, love made you do funny things, and even though you’d found your footing without him in your life, you never truly felt as if you were yourself.

He was the first to admit that he’d made many mistakes, but he was also the first to admit how sorry he was. It was the only way that he’d managed to convince you to come to dinner that night, under the promise that so much about him had changed.

“I’ve missed doing things like this,” he suddenly spoke from the other side of the table, breaking apart your daydream. “I didn’t know how much I needed you until you weren’t around, it’s been hard without you around.”

“We can’t go straight back to how we were once before,” you pointed out to him before he got too carried away, “we don’t know how this new life will turn out, I’m going into this thinking of myself.”

His head nodded, “I appreciate that, and I’ll adjust myself to fit what works for you.”

“You are the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

Your words brought a gently smile to his fae, knowing that there was still a part of you that longed for him in the same way that he longed for you. A small part of him always hoped that things were meant to be, the two of you seemingly had a destiny to be by each other’s side.

He’d tried to move on and find someone else, but each time his mind came straight back to you. He thought he’d lost his chance, but he was never going to quite waiting for you.

“It’s always ever been you,” Jaebum responded to your comment after a few moments, making sure that he found the right words. “Nobody else in the world gets me like you do.”

You softly smiled across at him, nodding your head in agreement with what he said. “As much as I want to hate you right now, I just can’t. You complete me, that’s why we spent so many years together, even if it wasn’t always the way things should’ve been.”

Despite the attention that he received, travelling the world, meeting fans, celebrities, and several beautiful women, known of them ever compared. He was offered dates, dinners, he had it all, but he refused, simply because none of them were ever you.

You were the one that he held out for you, he hoped for, because you were the only one that got him. You knew the answers to support him and the words to say to encourage him, you were the last piece in the crazy world that he lived in to give him the perfection that he’d searched his whole life for.

Even if his life sometimes felt like a roundabout, going round and round in never ending circles, for so long you had been the one constant in his life. The most important piece in the cycle that was there for him no matter what.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” Jaebum then whispered, “I can’t do anything without you.”

Your eyes glanced across to study his face closely once again, “I mean it when I say that I can’t go back to how we were straight away though Jae, I need the space to breathe.”

“I know, and I don’t expect you to stay by my side no matter what straight away, I just want to know that you’re here, because you’re the one the one who completes me,” he whispered.

Your hand brushed over the top of your head, your heart was full of an abundance of emotions, whilst you still loved Jaebum, you couldn’t forget how everything had ended before so quickly and easily. You were hurt and you suffered, all at the hands of him.

When the times were good between the two of you, they were incredible, your relationship was a masterpiece that so many other couples could only dream of having, even if you hated each other at times, you were the only ones in the world that each other wanted.

“You know how I feel about you,” Jaebum noted, taking a sip from the glass in front of him, “you don’t need me to sit before you and tell you all of the things I love about you. I’ve called your name thousands of times in the hope that you’d come back to me.”

Your eyes stared down at the candle that was sat in the middle of the table, letting go of yet another sigh. “If I remember correctly, I was the one who ended up calling your name when we were at the event that night.”

His eyes rolled as you yet again proved him wrong, as you had done time and time again. “I would have come and seen you eventually, but I watched your performance, and I didn’t know what else to do, you were incredible.”

A heavy sigh came from you as Jaebum met your gaze as soon as you looked up. You knew he was keen and intent on winning your heart once again, but you were terrified of opening yourself up once again only to get hurt.

The two of you needed each other, just as you completed Jaebum, he completed you. The two of you often walked the same path, but just as you were for him, he was the piece that was the constant in the many circles you found yourself running in.

His words were everything that you really wanted to hear, but with every word that came, your heart was screaming at you to slow things down.

“I don’t want to rush,” you warned him once again, “I’ve ridden this wave once before.”

Jaebum’s head nodded, he’d already made it clear to you that he was going to be a version of himself that was best for you. When he promised you that he’d do anything for you, he really did mean it, there was no way he was going to lose his best part all over again.

“But you want to give things a go?” He anxiously questioned.

Your smile slowly grew wider, “like I told you before, you’ve got once chance, otherwise this really will be the last time.”

“And I promise that I’ll prove to you that you’ve made the right choice,” he assured you, reaching across the table to take a hold of your hand. “I’m me, because of you, you’re the most important piece of my life, I don’t want to let you go.”

Your hand squeezed around his much bigger hand, “I hate the way you make me feel, because I can just never seem to let you go.”

“I don’t want you to let go,” he chuckled, smirking across at you, “I want to be able to feel your hand hold onto mine forever, I want to be able to wake up beside you and fall asleep just the same, even when you do breathe too heavily on me.”

Your eyes widened, pinching gently against the back of his hand as he shamed you for one of the old habits you had that you knew he absolutely hated about you.

“Each of those breaths is filled with love,” you retorted, “and I bet you’ve missed those breaths of love whilst I’ve been gone.”

“I’ve missed them more than anything else in the world,” he acknowledged, “I’ve missed everything about you Y/N.”

Your heart continued to pound, “you know that I’ve missed you as well.”

“Say my name,” he chuckled, “I’m still not used to hearing you say it.”

“I’ve missed you, Im Jaebum.”

---

Masterlist

[confusedunit]

The Resonance Project - Tommy Coolatta

[Content warning in the second section for alcohol, and mentions of a growing alcohol dependency. Calhoun's not doing too well.]

During Second Major Temporal Event

One of the things about being of a species that could effect time is that you don't process time as other species did. Or, do? Could? Tommy was unsure of the grammar to use.

What he did know, was that it was hard to date thoughts and experiences when that just...wasn't how his brain worked. His memory was much more...abstract than that. It was based off of temporal events.

When time is your jam, it was much easier to pay attention to the times that it didn't work, as opposed to the times that it did. He'd labeled the most recent event, when they'd gotten Dr. Freeman back, as the Second Major Temporal Event. The first, of course, was arriving there in the first place.

Adding to his already disjointed memory was the exhaustion he'd been under for far too long. But he knew the memories were still there, even if he didn't know where they were at the time.

He'd find them eventually, if he looked hard enough.

Before First Major Temporal Event

Tommy turned the empty can in his hands, lost in thought. He had hoped that game night would still be a good tradition to keep up with, even with the circumstances, since humans tended to do better under constant conditions. But the tension in the air told him this was less of a consistency thing, and more of a 'safety in numbers' thing. He could still work with that.

"And they still won't answer me!" Calhoun dropped his gesturing hand to the table, other hand holding the beer he was glaring at. He'd been skirting the line of what was healthy to drink for a while now, but he'd just managed to drop the stress smoking he'd picked up after Dr. Freeman's disappearance, and no one was quite ready to start the next conversation yet. "Six damn years, and- and they just..." He dropped his head to the table.

Tommy reached over to rest a hand on his shoulder. "I know..."

"And- and now Harold's gone, no one can find anything about Bubby still..." He turned his head to look up at him. "...'m almost scared they're gonna...come for more of us."

"Black Mesa isn't targeting the Science Team, Mr. Calhoun. What...what reason would they have to do so?"

He shrugged, almost spilling his beer. "Why would they suddenly vanish Gordon and end testing of resonance in Anom? Why would the main Bio department burst into flames? Why would there be calls for clean up teams to the other half of Bio, and suddenly there're no Harolds around?" He struggled to sit up again. "It's...it's suspicious as hell. And I know I gotta be on their shitlist from buggin' them so much. It's a wonder I've still got my clearance."

That was Tommy's doing, though he knew he couldn't admit it. He'd advocated to his dad on Calhoun's behalf, and his dad convinced Administration to look the other way. Protection, even if a roundabout way. "You just think it's a conspiracy." Even as he said it, a part of him agreed with the other man's words.

"'course I do. Fuck the government!" He muttered to himself for a bit, before he sighed. "...Can't leave though. Can't leave without him."

He smiled a bit. "Mr. Freeman?"

"We were thick as thieves, and twice as sharp. Promised him I wouldn't quit until he left." He rolled his shoulders. "And well...I don't think he left. Not without saying goodbye."

He heard a quiet conversation going on in his kitchen, and thought for a moment. He and his dad were looking into what had happened, and he knew he'd probably be tagged in soon, if his dad was really getting as close as he said he was. He moved a hand to one of Calhoun's. Time to take a risk. "...Mr. Calhoun."

He blinked slowly. "...Yeah, Tom?"

"...I'm going to- to find out what happened. But I need- need you to trust me." He felt himself shaking. "Do you trust me?"

"'course I do, Tom. Trust you the most outta...almost anyone."

He gently squeezed his hand. "Then you can't tell anyone I told you this. But you- you keep them all safe, okay? Mr. Vance, Mrs. Vance, Mr. Kleiner, little Alyx..." He shook him lightly. "You protect them, you hear me?"

Calhoun almost looked sober, for a moment. "Loud and clear."

"Once...once I figure it all out, I'll come back for you all. We'll- we'll make sure Black Mesa pays. Together." He smiled a bit. "Because we're the Science Team. And- and we stick together."

Calhoun finally grinned. "Hell yeah."

Late During First Major Temporal Event

Tommy would regret that moment for the rest of his life, when he froze up as the military assaulted Gordon. That he'd been unable to stop them.

He'd seen the look in Benrey's eyes as he'd fled, knew him enough at that point to realize he hadn't meant harm even as it happened.

Bubby, though? To betray Gordon...not just Gordon, but the whole team's trust...Tommy's trust...

As Dr. Coomer ran off, Tommy's arm shot out, grabbing Bubby by his collar and slamming him against the wall.

"Agh- Tommy! Tommy, let go, we have to go!"

"Why would- why would you do that?" His voice was strained. "Why?"

"They're following him- they just want him! We can-" He winced. "I thought we could get him back- we just have to-"

He slammed him against the wall again. "Just had to what? Kill him first?"

"No! Tommy-" His hands shot out to grab Tommy's wrists. "You have to believe me-"

"I owe you nothing."

"We have to play their game to get out of here alive! They shot at him before, but how was I supposed to know they'd-"

Another slam. This time, it left Bubby's glasses askew, and Tommy could see the fear in those blue-grey eyes. For a moment, they caught him off guard. Bubby could act like an adult as much as he wanted, but there was still a part of him that had never had the chance to grow up. And any human would be a child, compared to Tommy's own species. …Maybe the scientist just didn't understand. "They. Are trying. To kill us."

Loud steps echoed behind him. "Freeze!"

"Tommy! Let go!!" Bubby's fear was finally blatant, written all over his face.

He knew that Gordon would survive. Black Mesa wouldn't risk killing off one of their experiments, after all. But the fact that Bubby would sell them out like this, even if it was at the coaxing of Benrey who literally didn't know any better...Fuck. He was angry, and he felt the grudge starting to form and fester. He forced it to unravel, break apart and fade.

Bubby wasn't a murderer. He wasn't a cruel man. But he was a scared man, and scared humans do the stupidest things, because no matter how old they get they never forget how to act like a child.

Well. Maybe a temporary time out would get it through his thick skull.

Tommy gave Bubby a sharp glare, and dropped him roughly to the floor. "Okay."

"Ow!" Bubby winced, trying to scramble to his feet.

Tommy knocked him back down as he stepped over him. "I assume," He glanced back at the soldiers. "You're here to collect Subject 83?"

Bubby froze. "Wait-"

"Because no one is permitted to leave Black Mesa?" He dragged out the sentence to prove the point. Playing by the 'rules' would no longer do them any good. They had each other, and couldn't trust anyone else, regardless of how unhealthy that sounded when he thought it aloud. "Go for it." He crossed his arms. "He's all yours."

"Tommy! Please-"

In a flash of yellow, he was gone.

Just Before First Major Temporal Event

Few memories of his are hazy. But this one is. He remembers it only vaguely.

His father came back, told him what he'd found. The experiments. The location. Asked if he could take this project on, protect his friends until they could be extracted.

His father had said he'd been too busy keeping Black Mesa out of even worse trouble, to keep an eye on this too. That he'd also been tasked with checking into Aperture.

Tommy had agreed.

Even for someone able to disconnect from time, it felt so long ago. And it hurt to think about.

It was the last time he'd been able to hug his father.

He missed him so much.

Early Into First Major Temporal Event

It got lonely, during the tests. The others, as connected to time as they were, never remembered anything. Other than Benrey, who he had been surprised to meet for the first time, after hearing so much about him from his dad.

Well, guess there was an exception to every rule, after all.

But he couldn't always talk to Benrey about his fears and worries.

…Though, he could make someone that he could.

He reached out into the universe, and gathered materials. He collected and pressed, molded and created, before adding time to the mix.

He'd always wanted a loyal companion. Sunkist would be that.

Stardust and dirt of Earth, blood of Galaxy and Space, Time and Life and Kindness, and so so much Love. And finally, a bit of his own life Essence, to jumpstart the process.

When he first lifted the small squirming puppy up in his hands, shining such a vibrant yellow just like him, a hint of blue around the eyes a blessing from his dad, he knew he had made something extraordinary.

He was the perfect dog.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

It drives me bananas when people say Kairi doesn’t do anything. Like, she brought Sora back to life from being a Heartless in KHI... her bond with Sora and Naminé is what creates the path so SDG can get into the Castle That Never Was (1:09:15 - 1:09:49 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw-cmr34D3U&list=PL5bkYBlFL9xe9dk4RJgwUuLIDf8fFUkvn&index=20), she reunites Sora and Riku, her voice pulls Sora out of the illusion of Memory’s Skyscraper that Xemnas pulls him into (starting at 34:40 of this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUt8XEWpOKQ&list=PL5bkYBlFL9xe9dk4RJgwUuLIDf8fFUkvn&index=22), she’s what causes the Door to Light to open to get Sora and Riku out of the Realm of Darkness, does Keyblade War stuff and saves Sora’s life after he dies in KHIII so he can then save everyone (and before that--and after that--she fought Heartless, Nobodies, and Unversed), and now she tears Xemnas a new one, defeats Master Xehanort, etc. And, yes: that was a Re:Mind fix. But even before Re:Mind, she still Saved Sora, fought Heartless, Nobodies, and Unversed, and was pretty on par with Xion. And this isn’t even all the things I could list!

(And I want to point out that this next section isn’t me bashing any of these characters. I’m just trying to prove a point.)

Now, I seriously want you guys to think about this question... what have Roxas and Xion done for the world? Pretty much nothing? In Days, they were unknowingly helping Xemnas to destroy it! And after Xion learns this... she tells Roxas to set it right as she’s dying, and he tries to, but never does. Then in KHII, Roxas is living a normal life until he realizes he has to be reabsorbed into Sora and does it... and that’s pretty much it. Now in KHIII, they help in the Keyblade War in the eleventh hour, but that’s still not much. 

Besides getting the Lingering Will to help the crew, and letting Mickey and Data Sora, I guess, know about the people needing to be saved... what does Naminé do, but fix problems that the Organization forced her to cause?

What has Vanitas done for the Realm of Light? And even if you don’t want a put it in a “for the sake of the world” but just a “in general” kind of way... what has he ever done, but lost every fight he’s ever been in, contributing nothing?

Besides helping with the Replica program in KHIII, I suppose, what has Ienzo done?

And yet all of these characters are fandom darlings, that the fandom adores while trashing Kairi because apparently she doesn’t do anything.

And I’m not going to lie and say that Kairi’s a better character than Riku, or that she’s done more than him, but in KHIII... they’re pretty much on par. Actually, Kairi may even be better. All of KHIII, Riku’s trying to save Aqua... but he doesn’t even accomplish this. Sora has to do it in the end. Kind of like how all of KHIII, Kairi trained... just to be kidnapped in the end. But Re:Mind gives justice to some of that... and even with that, she saved Sora in a roundabout way. Riku tries to sacrifice himself for Sora... but it really doesn’t do much. Sora still dies. He’s not the one to bring him back. Kairi is, and then Sora brings him back... But I guess if nothing else, Riku’s lines probably motivated Sora to keep going. And now Riku’s the leader of the group against the Norts... but guys, that’s still not much. Especially with what Riku’s done in the past.

Y’all’s problem with Kairi isn’t that she “does nothing”. It’s maybe that she gets limited screentime (and so far, really hasn’t been playable like everyone else has)... or moreover, that all of her potential as a character/human being has never been utilized. You guys don’t empathize with her as a character, that’s the problem. And I love her... but even I have to admit, there’s probably a problem... when after eighteen years, these writers have yet to romanticize her to the audience at all (though I also still say that some of this is fandumb. Kairi maybe said one problematic thing, where she joked about leaving Riku behind, and y’all decided to hate her forever for it). Another issue might be that more and more of her character’s being stripped away, so she can just be there to be Sora’s girlfriend, essentially.

But her problem isn’t that she “does nothing”. Even while in one of the least active roles for most of the franchise, she still did way more than most.

The issue is that Nomura refuses to see her as a human being--with differing interests and real emotions and reactions to things--and treat her like one, thus making her hard to connect with.

And I wish the fandom could articulate this. But they’re way too focused on “you can’t swing massive key at things a majority of this series? Then you’re useless!”, because all strength has to do with having to fight, I guess.

And here’s the problem with all of you screaming that Kairi never does anything... the developers are hearing this and listening. Which in some ways is great, because it’s what gave Kairi two great fighting moments in Re:Mind. But I think it’s the wrong issue to “fix”. Or rather, smaller compared to the other bigger one. Because we got these two Kairi moments in Re:Mind... but did she really get any lines to expand upon her character in the DLC? No.

This is why whenever I hear people say “Kairi does nothing”, I want to bang my head against the wall.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Yes I'd love to know your take on all the characters too!

Haha sure thing! Forgive me if this is a bit long, I just wrote whatever first came to mind about each of them! Feel free to let me know what you guys think too, I’m certainly not the end-all-be-all!

Under the cut for length, a continuation of this post:

Number four is our illustrious cad, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I must admit I haven’t read all that much of his content personally, since I have trouble on a personal level. But given the tangential things I’ve seen and his appearances in other routes, I like the complexity of his character composition. He’s incredibly hedonistic and lives in the moment; he doesn’t seem to care one bit in regards to the potential consequences of his actions, and every second is something to think about as a writer—if he’s not teasing Isaac within a hairsbreadth of a stroke.

In truth, I don’t think that surface level interpretation actually encompasses every facet of who he is. Because he also has remarkable moments of insight and deduction (though wrongly attributed to him because of the Sherlock books), and he does have odd moments of compassion for people/the MC. They ring a little hollow for me, but I can appreciate that he cares in a way that makes sense to him. I think a lot of his behavior speaks to his negligence of self; I have to wonder if his devil-may-care attitude is a means to communicate to others that he doesn’t deserve to be cared for (if he won’t ‘take them seriously’, then neither will they in regards to him, no?).

Granted, I’m sure his route will prove to have equal depth to the ones we’ve seen before, but my own preferences preclude a pretty resolute lack of interest.

Tl;dr: Probably has some level of narrative depth, but given the content I’ve seen he’s a little too aggressive and selfish for me to appreciate or enjoy it. Rated T for possible big trauma/turning point buried underneath all that, as well as big feels when he chooses you by the end.

Also if it’s no trouble, I would like to offer a trigger warning to any who wish to do his route when it does come out. I don’t know if his MS has any traces of assault/molestation, but I have read a few ES’s in which he does things to the MC that she does not seem to want/does not consent to. It was a very unpleasant surprise for me, so I understand if anyone would rather avoid it.

Number five is our sunshine painter, Vincent van Gogh. Needless to say, given that he appears to be a fan favorite, he’s another suitor that’s just so easy to love. He’s sweet and gentle no matter the situation, and has a remarkable ability to lighten a room simply by being there. But don’t let that quiet and shy disposition fool you; he’s actually a lot sharper than he looks.

He’s among my bias favorites, and the reason why is more simple than you’d think. I’m sure I don’t need to explain that he’s incredibly compassionate. He’s always thinking about what he can do to ease people’s hearts, always meets others with warmth and a beaming smile. But he’s not an airhead. He’s not kind because he doesn’t know any other way to be; near every second of it is a choice that he voluntarily makes. There are moments where this strength shines all too true, and he proves he’s much more than a pretty, sweet face. When the stakes rise, he rises with them.

Though—and do forgive me, Vincent—I’m inclined to agree a bit with his brother, Theodorus. He can be a little too yielding to the more negative forces in his life, a little too compassionate towards people that are frankly threatening. But he insists that he’s willing to work hard for his happiness, that he has no intention of waiting for someone to hand it to him—he’s ready to make sacrifices and work. And I think that sentiment, that fortitude after such a difficult life, is what makes him so admirable. He’s not just generous, he’s strong enough to give all that he can and thrive at the same time. He has such a remarkable capacity for hope given everything he’s been through, and it’s something that I love about him—I can’t help but respect it, even if I’m a bit more cynical lmao

Tl;dr: Absolutely the softest and goodest boy I have ever seen in my life, 11/10 would marry and cherish forever—die mad about it Theo. Much more intriguing than what a first glance offers, I invite you to do his route even if you have doubts; I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. I live for his surprising moments of sass and seriousness, and if I’m honest he and his MC seem to have some of the best chemistry in the game because of how directly he addresses any miscommunication/confusion between them. (He also loves hanky panky, as our esteemed Sebastian puts it, so jot that down).

Speaking of, “if anyone so much as looks at Vincent the wrong way I’m killing everyone in this room, including myself”, number seven is Theodorus van Gogh (number six is Isaac in the game’s main story order, but transitioning—you know how it is). I…truly don’t know how to encompass him in a few words, but I’ll do my best!

Everyone’s probably more than aware at this point, but he lives with the single-minded goal of protecting his brother and promoting new talent. A workaholic and fiercely protective of the only family he has left, he tends to be pretty terse and harsh with other people—abrasive. But he has such distinct moments of warmth (even if they’re still coarse as hell), and he gets down to the truth of a situation in milliseconds; wit as sharp as any knife. Unlike his brother, he is totally fine with violence if he deems it warranted, and he has a much harder time granting forgiveness. It goes without saying that he has a much, much harder time sharing what’s in his heart and healing as compared to Vincent.

I think my favorite thing about Theodorus is just how multi-faceted he is. At any given moment his range of emotion or reactivity varies, and I actually think it’s very natural? I think he’s just someone that responds to a situation after carefully measuring just how comfortable he is showing his own cards—and sometimes he reacts without thinking at all because he’s too overwhelmed with emotion to care (unsurprisingly, the opposite of his brother, who’s generally more placid/visibly unresponsive). One wonders—though I think it’s likely the case—whether or not he’s much more expressive by comparison precisely because Vincent was unable to express himself with such unfettered honesty.

Overall, he tends to keep his distance from people. And yet, even if his admiration for someone is a rare thing, when he does admire them he well and truly means it to the core. Equally put, if he loves somebody he loves them with every fiber of his being—to the point where he will give up near everything important to him to preserve their happiness. If I were to describe it in a word, I suppose I would say that he’s incredibly volatile. He lives, to an extent, in extremes; even if he’s still able to see traces of the gray in-betweens. I fully expected to find him and his route forgettable/unpleasant, but he grew on me before I even realized it! 

Also just gonna put it out there, his interactions with Vincent are friggen ADORABLE. This big, looming, scowling swagger on legs seconds from tears whenever Vincent looks after him. Or how he hesitates and droops when Vincent scolds him. I just can’t they’re too much! For a guy that calls us dog in the Japanese version of the game he sure follows Vincent like an adorable puppy 😂

Tl;dr: Despite his frigid countenance, he’s a lot more bark than he is bite (yes I did that on purpose, do your worst fangface). Once you dig deeeeep deep under all that acerbic tongue-lashing (not the fun sort, unfortunately) you will find somebody that’s surprisingly soulful, and much kinder than he’ll ever let on. I very rarely know just what to expect from him, and while he can be a bit domineering, his heart is almost always in the right place.

Boomeranging back to number six is our adorable apple and baby of the house, Sir Isaac Newton. I’ve honestly been really happy to see how much love he’s been getting in this first route release for the big three, given that he’s such a sweetheart. Consumed with anxiety and very, very socially awkward; our boy is doing his best despite being big confused a lot. He likes to stick to math and physics where things make sense, and I can’t really blame him. He presumably asked to be given new life to do more studying—and if that doesn’t say anything about how isolated and lonely this man has been, I’m not really sure what does.

He’s also a bit of a mixed bag, like Theo. He seems to have a self-esteem located at the bottom of the Marianna’s Trench; and yet, has oddly courageous moments when he’s trying to help others (most especially Jeanne). While he can appear to be contrarian and bitterly defensive, he’s more brittle and nervous than anything else upon closer inspection. He’s too quiet and painfully shy to involve himself in conversation, to the point where he literally enjoys being teased about apples in the house—because at least he feels like he’s involved/belongs, that way. He’s distant and reserved, but isn’t lacking in warmth or compassion—he just expresses it in roundabout ways (I mean good lord, the boy felt bad waking up his own coachman). It can be hard to describe, but it seems like he’s always battling against his social anxiety—and sometimes it wins, sometimes he does.

I think what I love best about Isaac is how hard he tries, despite it all. Despite everything he’s lost, despite the droves of people that assumed the worst of him in life—he keeps trying, against all hope, to understand and be understood. Even when he’s afraid of being hated, even when he fully expects to fail, he picks himself back up and reaches out—no matter how difficult it is for him. All he ever asks of the MC is to bear with him while he tries to find those answers and meet her halfway, and honestly I think that’s the sweetest thing ever.

Tl;dr: Lost on the path of life but doing his best, all he’s ever really wanted is someone to call friend (girlfriend, if you’re so inclined). A little fragile and a little timid, all he needs is a gentle nudge in the right direction.

Next up, number eight, is the renowned veteran Jeanne D’Arc. Another bias boy (my list is endless for this game, lord) his route is my second favorite right behind Leonardo’s. Superbly written and paced, every moment of romancing him was raw and heartfelt.

Without giving too much away, he is taciturn and reclusive to the extreme—I’m talking hermit levels. But I loved that personally; it makes total sense that a man born literally four hundred years ago is going to be confused and overwhelmed by the level of stimuli present in the turn of the 20th century. And given how, much like Isaac, he has enormous levels of social anxiety—it makes for a very difficult way of life. The other men do their best to accommodate him, but there are other reasons why he avoids getting too close to people, no matter their good intentions (that part is a route spoiler so I’ll leave it to your imagination c:).

I think what I loved best about his route was how much it was about helping each other heal. And while some otomes can fall into trap of MC becoming his therapist (I’m not naming names—Mysme) it doesn’t feel that way at all, at least not to me. Granted, she does a lot to get him out of his shell, but it’s more because she wants to get along with him than some odd belief that he needs her help (also bc of wingmen Mozart and Sebastian—yes it was as amazing as it sounds). Not unlike Leonardo’s route, they both recognize the beauty that dwells deep within each other, and they fall in love without even having to think about it. They become just what the other wants and needs, without even trying—truly as natural as falling.

Which brings me to the other thing I love so, so much about Jeanne: his kindness. Despite everything he’s been through, despite decades filled with loneliness and pain and trauma—he’s no less gentle for it. He’s always putting MC before himself, always telling her to look after herself first and insisting he’s nothing but a nuisance. He treats her with all the tenderness in the world, and even jokes around with her in his moe, silly way. He’s charming and delightful and sweet, even if he can’t see it.

Tl;dr: One of my favorite otome routes to date. Falling in love with him felt as natural and as easy as breathing, and every single time I see him those feelings come rushing back. What he lacks in worldliness, he makes up for in pure passion and fierce consideration for the people he holds close to his heart.

At number nine lies our Monsieur Guillaume, better known as William Shakespeare. Where on earth do I begin with this one, I have no idea. He’s…a wild card to say the least, though a strangely methodical one? Jeanne’s Japanese route only served to confuse me all the more, to say nothing of Vincent’s route. Part of me wonders if he suffers from the narrative confusion that often results from making a suitor a primary antagonist at the same time. (Though I will admit, the fact that he barely even tries in Leonardo’s route bc: 1. Everyone’s terrified of Le Comte’s/Leonardo’s legitimate wrath 2. He deadass says LEONARDO CLOWNS HIMSELF HARD ENOUGH AND MAKES HIMSELF SO MISERABLE HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO TRY. WHAT KIND OF GOD TIER, ACCURATE ROAST. I’m sorry I just needed to come clean about that one, I’ve been laughing about it for years).

From what I understand he only really operates in two modes: extremely obsessive (and violent) or a complete lack of interest. Le Comte explains it much better than I do, but Shakespeare is a bit of a perfectionist; he wants an impeccable performance from a perfect, naturally acting cast. But MC tempers this with the correct analysis that he also has a very, very dark lack of compassion for other people. He truly does seem to have fae blood in that way; created for the sole purpose of dangerous mischief and dissembling. His poetic speech feels a little over the top, but it makes sense that he would speak in a flowery, distracting, and elaborate way if his goal is to keep his distance.

I find it…borderline terrifying that he gets along with Vincent because of the aftermath of Vincent’s trauma. As a result of the eldest van Gogh’s backstory, he tends to be “doll-like.” That is to say, as I mentioned, he very rarely expresses any depth of emotion. Shakespeare states that it lessens his temptation to want to make his life a tragedy like everyone else’s, and I suspect there is a level of envy hidden there. Shakespeare hates seeing other people express themselves openly; especially in terms of hope or love, because it is something he doesn’t feel he can have or because he believes it is fated to end in tragedy (or both?). His reasons seem to get pretty convoluted and can vary given the narrative goal, so I may only be partially correct here.

Tl;dr: If I’m honest, I don’t really feel anything for Shakespeare that’s positive—though I admit I do wonder about his intentions and what his route will amount to (sheer, morbid curiosity lol). I think he may have the potential to be redeemed—given that there are clear mentions of people going wrong from the turning process. But in general I find much of his behavior to be kind of appalling. At least it’s fun to watch le Comte punt kick him around when he’s done horrible things, lol (forgive me Shakespeare-lovers, it’s a bit cathartic for me)

Diez for our favorite (H)osamu Dazai, accomplice and enabler of Arthur’s thottery. He’s much simpler and somehow just as confusing as Shakespeare to get a handle on, and his content is pretty limited, but I’ll do my best to encompass what I understand!

Honestly, I find him a little fascinating in that he truly seems to believe that he’s good at keeping his distance; evading contact with MC, constantly calling her by the wrong name, and teasing her with his dramatic digressions—on the surface level, the implication is there. The game is very subtle about his moments of genuine unrequited feeling and adoration; if you blink it’s easy to miss. When a crisis hits, he uses her given name. When he’s frustrated that she’s not being treated as she deserves, he speaks out. He even tries the whole big brother schtick, though she brushes it aside (he was shooketh). Perhaps the abundance of third person narration makes it easier to tell (than it might be for MC) but I find he’s less convincing than he is stalling/avoiding the truth. Which begs the question. Why is he trying so hard if it seems half-hearted/forced?

The possibilities are, admittedly, myriad. My best guess is that he yearns for company even if he avoids/fears the commitment. I imagine a big part of his route will be getting him to accept the concept of companionship—no matter how much the idea scares him. I find it a little ironic, though, that for a man so desperate to die he says it wasn’t as fun as he thought it might be. Are the limitations his mental illness placed on him among his considerable regrets, enough that he felt compelled to try again in a new life? Only time will tell, I suppose.

Tl;dr: A little scatter-brained and a lot flighty, he’s lacking in conviction but not in compassion—and he may be a lot sharper than he first lets on. Rife with some sort of emotional/mental hardships, be prepared for a long, difficult ride if he’s among your favorites! It makes me wonder if MC will be reason enough for him to find meaning and peace in life for once, not unlike Jeanne’s rt. A girl can hope~

Ah yes, we arrive at another deeply beloved bias, Le Comte de Saint-Germain. I very much doubt there are words to encompass how much I love this man, but I will do my very best for your sake—and for his (it’s what he deserves).

Le Comte is a mystery to all but Leonardo, it would appear; right down to his alias. And in intriguing accordance with that fact, he is at times the epitome of a genteel nobleman—until he’s ready to unleash a flagrant can of whoopass to protect people. I think what I love best about him is that he’s quite literally a walking contradiction, in many senses of the word. He’s a gentleman with the heart of a punk/delinquent, only civil until a dispute carries too far. Saint Germain is the definition of a brittle character (something I have always been incredibly fond of in stories); I can never quite get a read on him. My best guess would be to say that while he’s patient, he’s also unpredictable. It’s not always clear how affected he’ll be by something or what he’s feeling. But when it becomes too much for him to bury within, you better believe everyone in a five mile radius can feel the aftermath. You’ll all come to understand what I mean, hopefully, but it’s the precise reason Leonardo becomes friends with le Comte—and why he continues to fascinate me.

And as odd as it sounds, I love how simple he is too, to some extent? No matter how convoluted the specifics of a situation get or blame is thrown around, he always cuts to the core of the issue—and doesn’t let anyone sidetrack that. He’s cautious, but not entirely incapable of being forthright; just choosy about when, where, and how. Which begs the question. Why does he always hold back so distinctly with MC? Side stories in the Japanese version suggest some very deeply rooted, agonizing fear that makes him avoid getting close to her no matter how much he likes her. I have theories, but nothing solid quite yet. All I know for now is that he is slightly shady, very benevolent, and a whole lot lonely.

Tl;dr: He’s literally the definition of the meme “aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you just wanna go apeshit.“ Works to be gentle and understanding, but the second he deems somebody has gone too far he will act with surprising, swift, and deadly vehemence. He’s very sweet and surprisingly possessive/direct about his affections—though he often plays it off like a joke. I always find it funny though, when some of the residents—especially Arthur/Shakespeare—know they’ve gone too far and they just look up to his dark, saccharine smile like FUCK. 11/10 I’ve been waiting centuries for this man Cybird, pls set me free And last, but certainly not least, we have our distinguished butler, Sebastian. I love this big ol' nerd but can't deny that he does me a bit of a frighten. He can do...literally anything on the domestic front, and frankly its a bit alarming 😂😂

Just as the little question mark next to his description as stoic indicates, he goes for the whole unruffled English butler vibe and nails it for the most part. He's even got the witty banter down! But he's also pretty direct and unapologetic about his love for historical figures--and the stalkerish lengths he'll go to to observe them all. (I mean come on, this fool literally overshares about himself in milliseconds if you let him). Granted I can't fault the man for doing what makes him happy. Like Isaac, I just have to resist the urge to gently shove him into a locker sometimes lmaoAs for his romantic potential, I think the possibilities really range. From what little I've seen, I think he might be a bit like Mozart? He seems very unaccustomed to social interaction--and given his backstory he was more interested in books and people long dead than the ones beside him. He also has a bit of that fastidiousness to him, a bit stern and awkward despite moments of warmth. I think he can be more preoccupied with cutting straight to the truth sometimes than he is about figuring out how a person needs to be spoken to (re: what is tact?). And that's charming in it's own way, though the result can be hilarious inadvertent moments of callousness--quite literally photo taken seconds before disaster lmfao. (I think my favorite instance of this was when he was trying to reassure MC once and totally fucks it up, only to see her start panicking and go "Oh shit, I stepped on a verbal landmine, didn't I" and then Comte comes to the rescue) Tl;dr: Honestly, I think he'll be a really cute love interest even if I am all about the vampires in the game. He's his own kind of genius, even if he doesn't see it, and deserves just as many hugs! And I think he severely underestimates how sexy it is for a man to willingly share in the responsibilities required of a household. Get you a man as capable and sharp as Sebas LOL

[kdtheghostwriter]

SNK 116: V Has Come To

Alexa: play “Roundabout”

When I first saw the Kanji that represents “rumbling,” my first two thoughts, in immediate succession where as follows: “Oh, shit, is it already happening” and “Oh, no, wait it’s just like JoJo.” (Fun fact about that ED, since Ded Memes live here. The little To Be Continued arrow always flies in before the drums hit. Like everything it gets adjusted for the purposes I suppose. Anyway!) Honestly, every chapter in this volume has ended like the episode of an anime, including this one with its hero/villain stare down and triumphant proclamation from the narrator. More on how those tables have turned later.

 I want to spend most of this essay talking about Eren, since I spent most of the last one talking about his older brother. I’m not so much surprised at the direction his character has taken after so many years of pain and abuse. What does take me aback is how so many people are apparently sympathetic to Zeke while hating Eren, especially considering how Eren had a comparatively awful upbringing while spending a lot less time being shitty to people.

But maybe I shouldn’t be too shocked. Even as the main character, he’s always been controversial. Whether by people who want him to be paired with one character or another, or those who just plain don’t like him. Even in-story, good will has been hard to come by. One minute they’re honoring you and your friends in front of the Queen. A few years later, you’re locked underground as a fugitive of the military-controlled government.

It was the Chapter 112 recap where I broke down the nuance of a pro wrestling storyline – specifically in regards to their character-driven nature. I used performers like Shawn Michaels and Brett “The Hitman” Hart to outline the natural progression of a character from fan favorite to hated ne’er-do-well. Now, I’ll be using an example much more relevant to the story. The Rise then Fall then Return then “Turn” of Daniel Bryan.

Most important thing to note about Daniel Bryan is that he’s not supposed to be in the ring at all. A series of concussions and other injuries forced him to retire from active in-ring competition. This was directly after a year-long saga of him trying to prove himself as a main event player. After what seemed like endless waves of red tape and front office hurdles, he achieved the absolute pinnacle of the business. Winning in the main event of the year’s biggest show, WrestleMania, and becoming the World Heavyweight Champion. It was always going to be downhill from that point. What couldn’t have been predicted was the suddenness of it.

Three years pass and Daniel Bryan announces his imminent return to active competition. His first match back is yet again at the Showcase of the Immortals. He receives a hero’s welcome and for several months is riding a familiar high as the most popular superstar in all of wrestling. And then, he fights AJ Styles and something changes.

I must note here briefly that at this point in the latter part of 2018, AJ Styles himself is enjoying a year-long run as champion of the world’s largest federation. He and Daniel Bryan were scheduled to have a match at the Crown Jewel event in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Yes, the same Saudi Arabia that allegedly orchestrated the murder of Washington Post contributor Jamal Khashoggi. Daniel Bryan, along with other members of the roster, refused to make the trip. As such, his WWE Championship match was pushed up a week to be contested on TV. Bryan lost this match, but that would not be the last time they faced. In fact, the very next time the two squared off, Bryan captured the title, albeit via some nefarious means. It was after this match (followed by a match with former UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar) that something broke within Daniel Bryan.

The WWE’s relentless media schedules as well as the punishment of months of fighting on the road finally broke him down mentally as well as physically, and he decided that enough was too much. Daniel Bryan utilized his newfound platform as champion and killed the movement that catapulted him to worldwide fame. In its place, a message of repentance. He replaced the leather strap of his title belt with one made of hemp and naturally fallen oak. He railed against the paying fans for their unchecked consumerism and even admonished his boss, billionaire Chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment Vince McMahon, for exploiting their more reductive tendencies.

This is going to sound weird because, honestly, these things change month-to-month but, yes, Daniel Bryan is supposed to be the bad guy here. And for a segment of the audience he absolutely is. Live crowds across the country (excluding his home state of Washington) hate Bryan with a fiery passion. Meanwhile, all of Twitter asked all at once, “Wait, you want us to…boo him?” It’s the most famous Heel Turn in recent memory due in part to the circumstances and the performer involved. This was the most popular wrestler in the world not six months prior. But even though the crowd still loved him, they were not clamoring for him like they had been. The magic of the Yes Movement was largely gone.

In Shingeki no Kyojin, I’ve witnessed this cycle ad nauseum. It’s the ebb and flow of fandom. I’ve been reading this series long enough to recall a time when Eren was seen as a useless, whiny geek as opposed to the badass world-beater he is now. There was a time, believe it or not, where Reiner was as polarized and hated as Eren is now. Before that even! Reiner was little more than the cute, air-headed jock before he and Bertholt revealed themselves as spies. Isayama reveals him as his favorite character and he’s been the darling of the fandom ever since. Second perhaps only to Commander Handsome himself who is even more popular in death. Annie still has her fans, despite only being in maybe fifteen percent of this manga.

My point is the same that Isayama has been getting at for the past three volumes or so. (Maybe more than that if we accept Kruger’s monologue as the first example.) Your notion of how the world works has been fucked from the start. Good and evil; right and wrong; Marley and Paradis. Reality is only as good as your perspective. The author was not content with just stating this, though. To prove his point, he deconstructed his own carefully planned narrative, rebuilt it backwards, then flipped it upside down so that now, we’ve come back ‘round to this.

Funny thing, life is. When your idols become your rivals. Eren once confided in Reiner for support in his darkest moments. Now, it’s very likely he’s going to try and kill him. Simply for getting in his way. This is more of the framing I’ve talked about before from Isayama. This looks like any other match card from an actual title bout. To show you what I mean, I’m going to line up several examples.

Seeing it now? Classic promoter tactics. Building up the hype. People rib on the Dragon Ball series for doing this sometimes – in the case of Z – to a comical extent. But really, this method can be seen elsewhere in stuff like JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, One Piece, Yu Yu Hakusho, Lupin the Third; I really could just name twelve more titles.

This is a rematch four years in the making. Yes, they met in Liberio but I don’t count that as a fight, considering Eren won long before anyone even transformed and Reiner was literally begging for his death. In present day, the Warriors have caught The Usurper off guard and they have much needed backup. This conflict has been set up like the apex of any Marvel movie. The mismatched group of heroes converging on one point, because the only hope they have of defeating the super villain is if they do it together.

This is why Pieck didn’t pull the trigger when she had the chance and also why Eren didn’t transform and splatter her and Gabi against the dungeon walls. Pieck is part of a team. A team with a plan. Part of that plan involved getting Eren Jaeger out in the open where he would be exposed to an all-out attack. Eren had prior knowledge of the Warrior Unit’s arrival and knew his best option was to track their location and cut them off. Pieck was likely dead whether she cooperated or not. What Eren didn’t account for was Porco, who was actually in plain sight amongst the other Jaegerists, but in a world where photography has just recently been introduced, one could not expect them to recognize him out of his Titan.

 Pieck trusted her friends, and now they are all dropping in to Shiganshina to aid in her rescue. Eren did not trust his friends, and now they are all dead, mutilated or locked in a cell and they won’t be coming to his rescue. In another manga, this would be the turning point of the story where the Big Bad got his comeuppance and learned the ultimate lesson about the Power of Friendship and the series would end with the two brothers embracing in a pile of rubble. This is not any manga. Eren has three Titan powers at his disposal. (Four if he can get his hands on Porco again.) Unless there is a legit airstrike of some sort or some other secondary offensive, Reiner has no chance of winning this. Maybe he doesn’t have to, depending on what the plan is.

We still don’t know what Eren’s plan is either! That’s probably the biggest difference between him and Daniel Bryan. The Daniel Bryan character was developed weekly on television over many months and his motivations up to this point have been fully fleshed out. Eren’s motivations are a mystery to everyone except Eren. Even his brother Zeke doesn’t know what he’s up to. Zeke who, by the way, can magically appear in this upcoming battle as well. No, I don’t think Eren is the final “bad guy” of this story. I just wish he was, because he’s damn good at doing it.

I do not know how this ends. I am, however, sure of one thing.

  Stray Thoughts

- I wouldn’t say either Eren or Pieck had the other fooled at any point. They were at an impasse and Eren decided to move the plot along.

- Eren isn’t the classic mwahaha villain (yet) but wow is he angry. And not the violent, explosive anger we know him for. Cold, cunning, calculated. I genuinely feared for Pieck’s life despite her holding the gun.

- I know we’ve been conditioned by this story to search for subtext, even when it’s not there, but I wouldn’t read too much into certain…stuff that happened with the 104th. The point here was to re-establish what we already know about the crew. Jean is a very perceptive lad and almost certainly the next Commander if anyone survives this story. Armin is…having a moment.

- I have to wonder how good Magath’s intel is for this op. Does he know that Shiganshina is deserted? Has he accounted for Zeke’s appearance? Does he know the God of Destruction is nearby?

- Yelena has been a favorite of mine since her debut, when everyone thought Connie grew three times his size. I won’t call it a Heel Turn because it doesn’t count if you weren’t wearing the White Hat to begin with.

[bulltruearchive]

                                   SEND  ME  A  TOPIC  TO  WRITE  A  META  ABOUT  MY  MUSE  ON  !

meme   ›   accepting  !

@alamiras  asked: topic : family. #notsorrybutsorry.

@acadamias  said:  talk  about  chris  and  his  relationship  with  mister  eyeball  chambers :////

                                    family  ---  the  chamberses  !

i  put  it  in  a  post  by  itself  because  i  knew  it  would  get  wordy,  &  i’ll  probably  want  to  reblog  it  in  the  future.

gods.  i’ve  spoken  on  &  off  about  chris’  relationship  with  his  family  (  1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7  just  to  start  ),  but  .  .  .  i  have  a  lot  to  say,  &  it’s  probably  going  to  be  very  ineloquent  &  roundabout.  i’ll  split  it  into  family  member  sections  because  it’s  ,,,,  probably  easier  that  way.  it’s   2,131  words,  i  think.  read  at  your  own  risk  :/  i’ll  have  refreshments  ready

JOSEPH  ‘JOE’  CHAMBERS  —  FATHER  !

‘  chris's  dad  was  always  on  a  ‘mean streak’,  more  or  less;  he  was  a  drunk  who  got  welfare  off  &  on – mostly  on –  & spent  most  of  his  time  hanging  out  in  sukey's  tavern  with  junior  merrill, ace  merrill's  old  man,  &  a  couple  of  other  local  rumpots.  chris  didn't  talk  much  about  his  dad, but  we  all  knew  he  hated  him  like  poison.  chris  was  marked  up  every  two  weeks  or  so,  bruises on  his  cheeks  &  neck  or  one  eye  swelled  up  &  as  colorful  as  a  sunset,  & once  he  came  into school  with  a  big  clumsy  bandage  on  the  back  of  his  head.  other  times  he  never  got  to  school at  all. [ .  .  .  ]  that  was  the  time  mr  chambers  put  chris  in  the  hospital  for  an  overnight  stay, when  his  dad  heard  chris  was  suspended,  he  broke  chris's  nose  & his  right  wrist.  ’

chris  ‘hating  his  dad  like  poison’  is  an  understatement ; joe  chambers  is  the  single  reason  chris  never  drinks (  won’t  even  take  one  sip  when  the  despain  kids  smuggle  in  some  beer  to  the  treehouse  ) —  chris  is  terrified  of  turning  into  his  dad.  he  knows  what  the  townspeople  think  of  his  dad,  &  he  agrees  ——–  fuckin’  rummy.  joe  is  abusive - physically & verbally -, &  doesn’t  actively  contribute  to  the  family.  when  he  is  receiving  welfare,  he’s  spending  most  of  it  on  alcohol  &  coming  home  at  two  in  the  morning,  looking  to  use  his  kids  or  his  wife  as  a  punching  bag.  off  topic,  but  it’s  no  surprise  that  ace  merrill  turns  out  the  exact  same  way  ( if  you  replace  alcohol  with  cocaine ),  seeing  as  joe  & junior  merrill  are  on  pretty  chummy  terms.  similarly,  if   castle  rock  tv  is  to  be  taken  as  canon  .  .  .  richard  ‘  eyeball  ’  chambers,  too.  abusive  addicts  who  are  wastes  of  oxygen,  & are  as  awful  as  the  town  they  hail  from.

everything  chris  does  in  life  is  a  direct  attempt  to  not  turn  out  like  his  father.  he’s  physically  affectionate  to  his  loved  ones,  he’s  encouraging  of  their  pursuits,  & he’s  smart  —-  eventually  going  so  far  as  to  actually  put  that  to  use.  hardworking,  determined,  ambitious,  &  looking  out  for  children,  chris  is  the  antithesis  of  joe.  unfortunately,  years  of  systematic  abuse  from  both  his  father  & the  other  townsfolk  have  really  sunk  their  claws  in,  & chris  spends  his  entire  life ( deep  down )  worried  that  something’s  going  to  go  wrong, &  he’s  still  going  to  turn  into  his  father.  it’s  always  there  in  the  back  of  his  mind,  sitting  in  the  pit  of  his  stomach,  & he  dies  still  afraid  he’s  going  to  turn  into  joe.  the  phrase  like  father,  like  son  makes  him  feel  sick  to  his  stomach.  he  can’t  stand  joe,  &  the  second  he’s  cut  from  chris’  life,  there’s  a  definite  weight  lifted  from  his  shoulders.

RUTH  CHAMBERS  —  MOTHER  !

‘  other  times  he  never  got  to  school  at  all.  his  mom  would  call  him in  sick  because  he  was  too  lamed  up  to  come  in. [ .  .  .  ]  his  mom  had  gone  off  to  lewiston  to  stay  with  her  sister,  the  way  she  almost always  did  when  mr  chambers  was  on  a  bender.  she  went  &  left eyeball  in  charge  of  the  younger  kids.  ’

don’t  let  chris’  reverence  for  his  mother  fool  you  ——-  ruth  chambers  is  a  neglectful,  emotionally  manipulative,  emotionally  abusive  woman  who  has  attempted  to  foster  within  chris  a  sense  of  co-dependency.  she  dotes  upon  him  as  much  as  a  narcissist  can,  using  chris  as  a  vessel  in  order  to  make  herself  feel  better.  she  has  absolutely  no  issue  in  abandoning  her  family  when  the  going  gets  a  little  too  tough  for  her,  but  she  won’t  let  pass  an  opportunity  to  make  herself  look  like  an  angel  in  chris’  eyes.  when  joe  sent  him  to  the  hospital  for  a  night  that  first  time,  ruth  made  sure  she  was  the  one  holding  his  hand  when  he  woke  up  the  next  morning,  his  broken  wrist  in  plaster.  she’s  the  one  who  calls  him  in  sick  to  school  -  partially  because  she  knows  someone  has  to,  but  mostly  because  she  wants  him  to  think  she  cares  enough  to  keep  him  home  to  recuperate  &  heal.

she’s  a  religious  woman,  &  even  though  chris  stopped  believing  in  god  a  long,  long  time  ago,  he  still  very  occasionally  accompanies  her  to  church  with  deb,  because  he  knows  how  much  that  means  to  her.  ruth,  in  all  her  gratefulness,  makes  sure  to  let  chris  know  about  the  things  that  god  considers  a  sin  (  homosexuality,  pridefulness,  sex  for  pleasure,  sex  before  marriage  .  .  . )  ——  all  things  that  screw  chris  up  during  his  teen  years,  & leave  him  very  confused  &  unsure  about  who  he  is  for  a  long  time.

he  thinks,  when  he  tells  her  he’s  going  to  college  in  portland,  &  she  stops  speaking  to  him  for  three  weeks  before  he  leaves,  that  that’s  the  worst  of  it.  ruth  gets  actively  upset  that  he’s  leaving  ;  she  sees  it  as  her  son  abandoning  her.  she  can’t  stand  the  thought  that  chris  has  chosen  himself  over  her.  he  struggles  with  her  lack  of  communication,  &  gets  upset  when  the  day  comes  for  him  to  leave  &  she’s  nowhere  to  be  found,  but  ruth  comes  around  eventually  &  they  talk  on  the  phone  about  once  a  week  or  so  (  more,  if  she  decides  to  call  him  ),  &  chris  thinks  things  are  back  to  normal.

it  takes  him  about  a  year  &  a  half  of  living  away  from  ruth  to  tell  her  his  biggest  secret  ———–  that  he’s  not  entirely  straight,  &  if  he  was  upset  by  her  reaction  to  him  moving  to  college,  it’s  nothing  compared  to  what  happens  when  he  breaks  this  news.  despite  having  said  i  love  you,  baby,  always  a  mere  two  sentences  earlier,  chris’  confession  is  met  with  thunderous  silence,  &  eventually  a  curt  ‘  well  then,  you’re  going  to  hell.  &  i  don’t  want  anything  to  do  with  you  any  more.  ’  a  few  choice  derogatory  slurs  later,  &  she  hangs  up  on  him.  when  the  reality  of  the  situation  hits  chris  about  two  weeks  later,  &  he  cries.  true  to  her  word,  they  never  speak  again.

but  despite  that,  chris  never  realises  ruth  isn’t  a  good  person.  he’s  so  used  to  physical  abuse  being  his  benchmark  for  what  constitutes  as  abuse,  that  he  never  considers  the  fact  that  his  mother  .  .  .  isn’t  the  angel  he’ll  always  think  she  is.  he  sees  their  relationship  as  normal,  as  loving,  &  is  wholeheartedly  convinced  ruth  loves  him  as  much  as  he  loves  her  -  even  if  her  religious  beliefs  don’t  leave  much  room  for  him  at  times.

FRANK  CHAMBERS  —  OLDEST  BROTHER  !

‘  [ frank  ],  the  eldest,  ran  away  from  home  when  he  was  seventeen,  joined  the  navy,  &  ended  up  doing  a  long  stretch  in  portsmouth  for rape  &  criminal  assault. [ .  .  .  ]  like  my  dad,  when  frank  got  thrown into  the  stockade  in  portsmouth.  that  was  when  he  started  always bein'  mad  at  us  other  kids  &  hitting  us  all  the  time.  ’

chris  was  six  when  frank  was  thrown  in  jail.  he  doesn’t  remember  much  about  his  brother,  but  he  doesn’t  particularly  want  to.  a  rapist  for  a  brother  -------  chris  doesn’t  want  that.  as  far  as  he’s  concerned,  frank  can  rot  in  portsmouth, &  that’s  more  than  he  deserves.  he  doesn’t  care  that  that’s  when  joe  starting  beating  on  his  family  -  that’s  joe’s  problem  -,  but  to  think  that  that  is  in  his  family  .  .  .  that  frank  is  what  chris  has  every  potential  to  be  .  .  .  that  people  see  frank  &  think  chris  is  going  to  go  the  same  way  .  .  .  it  makes  him  even  more  determined  to  prove  everyone  wrong.

RICHARD  ‘EYEBALL’  CHAMBERS  —  OLDER  BROTHER  !

‘  his  brother  eyeball  had  broken  his  arm  in  two  places  & had  left  his face  looking  like  a  canadian  sunrise.  they  had  to  set  the  elbow-break  with  a  steel  pin.  mrs  mcginn  from  down  the  road  saw  chris staggering  along  the  soft  shoulder,  bleeding  from  both  ears  & reading  a  richie  rich  comic  book.  ’

it’s  funny  .  .  .  chris  spends  his  entire  life  thinking  joe’s  the  one  he  should  be  most  afraid  of,  when  time  &  time  again  it’s  shown  that  richie’s  the  real  antagonist  in  his  story.  not  only  does  rich  break  chris’  arm  badly  enough  that  it  needs  surgery  & steel  pins,  he  does  it  because  he  & his  friends  were  sore  about  the  brower  situation.  i’ve  argued  before  that  richie  very  possibly  did  it  to  warn  chris  away  from  ever  saying  something  as  fucking  stupid  as  ‘ 'oh,  why  don't  you  go  home  &  fuck  your  mother  some  more?  i  hear  she  loves  the  way  you do  it. [  .  .  .  ]  i  heard  your mother  fucks  for  bucks  [  .  .  .  ]  in  fact,  i heard  she  throws  blowjobs  for  jukebox  nickels.  i heard -'  ’  to  someone  like  ace  merrill  (  &,  in  fact,  that’s  almost  what  gets  him  killed  )  .  .  .  some  kind  of  twisted  family  morals  thing,  perhaps.  doesn’t  want  to  see  his  little  brother  get  killed  by  his  best  friend  [ SIDE  NOTE:  SEE  HERE  FOR  AN  INTERESTING  EYEBALL  REACTION ! ].  but  there’s  also  the  argument  that  .  .  .  richie  is  just  like  joe,  just  like  frank  :  a  petty  abusive  drunk  who  has  no  issues  hitting  someone  far  younger  than  him  to  the  point  of  landing  them  in  hospital,  & who  almost  definitely  is  going  to  be  an  abusive  husband  to  a  woman  of  low  self-esteem  who  finds  herself  easy  pickings.  he’s  a  coward  just  like  ace  ------  they  pick  on  those  they  don’t  think  can  fight  back,  &  they  get  power  from  it.

chris  once  said  he  didn’t  hate  richie  ; once  thought  richie,  maybe,  could  be  saved.  that’s  long  gone  out  the  window, & chris  can  feel  it  in  his  bones  that  richie’s  going  to  go  the  same  way  as  frank  &  their  daddy.  richie’s  a  high  school  dropout  who  hangs  around  with  ace  getting  drunk  & picking  up  girls  with  loose  morals  &  legs.  

the  older  chris  gets,  the  more  he  realises  rich  is  too  far  gone,  & there’s  fuck-all  he  can  do  but  watch  his  brother  drown  in  the  life  he’s  made  for  himself.

SHELDON  &  EMERY  CHAMBERS  —  YOUNGER  BROTHERS  !

though  they  aren’t  twins  (  there’s  a  four  year  difference  between  sheldon  &  emery  ),  i’ve  put  them  together  because  chris  .  .  .  doesn’t  differentiate  much  between  them.  they  may  be  five  &  nine  respectively  ( when  chris  is  twelve,  at  least ),  but  he’s  already  certain  how  they’re  going  to  turn  out  ------  just  like  the  other  men  in  his  family.  they’re  rude,  aggressive,  & violent,  expecting  their  mother  to  spoil  them  &  then  throwing  fits  when  she  doesn’t.  they  also  gang  up  on  their  sister,  &  sheldon  &  chris  have  gotten  into  numerous  rows  before  because  of  their  closeness  in  age  &  difference  in  personality.

DEBORAH  CHAMBERS  —  BABY  SISTER  !

chris  loves  his  sister.  maybe  it’s  because  she’s  so  young  &  he  basically  acts  as  her  proxy  father,  or  maybe  it’s  because  she’s  the  only  other  woman  in  the  house  (  &,  consequently,  will  turn  out  exactly  like  her  mother,  emotional  manipulation  towards  chris  &  all ),  but  whatever  the  case,  he  fucking  adores  deb.  they’re  incredibly  close  -  particularly  as  they  both  grow  older  -,  &  she’s  about  seven  when  he  leaves  for  college.  same  as  with  his  mother,  chris  never  realises  the  abusive  tendencies  in  deb,  or  how  she,  too,  just  so  happens  to  dislike  anyone  he  dates  because  it  means  she  doesn’t  have  his  undivided  attention.  chris  loves  deb,  &  they  vaguely  stay  in  contact  when  possible,  even  after  ruth  cuts  off  contact  with  him.  the  contact  with  deb  is  changed  permanently  from  then  on,  though  ----  there’s  a  slight  coldness  to  the  way  she  talks  to  him,  as  if  blaming  him  for  something  that  isn’t  his  fault.  it  doesn’t  help  that  she  likes  to  hear  him  apologise  to  her,  either.

[revwinchester]

Promposal

Summary: Dean is planning on asking Castiel to prom but he wants it to be the perfect promposal.

Pairing: Destiel

Rating: General Warnings: none? none!

Word Count: 1309

AN: I made art to go with this!  I drew something!  I like it and I’m sharing it!  Link to art!

Created for @spnaubingo; square filled: high school!au

Promposal -

Dean paced the kitchen, running his hands through his hair in frustration while his younger brother watched him from his usual spot at the kitchen table.  Sam was supposed to be working on his homework but Dean had managed to pull him into the latest drama at Lawrence High.  Taking in Dean’s state, one might assume that the world was ending but Sam rolled his eyes at his brother’s antics.  

“Dean,” Sam interrupted, cutting off the older boy’s next tirade before he could really get going, “it’s just prom!  It’s not like you’re proposing marriage.”  Sam was getting frustrated.  He had been half way through his Latin homework when Dean had interrupted looking for his brother’s advice.

Sam’s words made Dean halt in his most recent trek around their kitchen.  “Just… just prom?” he sputtered.  “Just prom?”  Dean stared at Sam, waiting until his brother looked up at him.  “Prom is the single biggest social event of the school year!  The tuxes, the limos, the pre-prom dinner and the post-prom road trips… but the thing that people remember more than any of that is the promposal.  I can’t mess this up, Sammy!”  Dean resumed his pacing, oblivious to his brother’s eye roll.  

“Dean, it’s Cas,” Sam insisted.  “You know he’s going to say ‘yes.’  You’ve been dating for almost half a year; everyone knows you’re going to prom together.”  Sam’s matter of fact tone was accompanied by a scowl as he tried to return to his homework.  “You could make him a poster,” he suggested, hoping that Dean would like the idea.

Dean threw his hands in the air and then scrubbed one down his face.  “A post- a poster?  A poster!”  His voice was rising in volume and in pitch.  “Posters are for straight kids with no creativity, Sam,” Dean finally responded.  He huffed a breath out of his nose and shook his head.  “I feel sorry for your future prom date, little brother,” he mumbled.

Dean grabbed a soda from the fridge and tossed it ot Sam before taking out a second and cracking it open for himself.  He plopped down into the chair across from his brother.  “It’s gotta be big, Sam, some kind of grand gesture.”

Sam focused on his homework while Dean talked.  His brother would figure it out, eventually and, really, he still didn’t understand what the big deal was.  It was just a dance.  Sam wasn’t even sure he’d go when he was a senior.  He’d skipped his eighth grade dance a few months ago and had spent a great night playing video games with their cousin, Jo, and their friend, Charlie.  Castiel’s brother Gabe had even played a couple of rounds with them when he had come by to pick Cas up.  It had been a great night and Sam was pretty sure that no dance could compare.  He smiled at the memory until Dean’s voice broke through.

“...Flash mob!  I could put together a flash mob!”  Dean exclaimed.  “I would use some ACDC or… or Cas loved that Zeppelin tape I made jo,.  I should use one of those songs!”  Dean continued rambling as he stole one of Sam’s notebooks and ripped out a blank page, quickly starting to jot down ideas as he talked.  Eventually he looked up and asked, What do you think Sam?  Everyone will remember this!”

Sam gave his brother a tight smile.  The plan was very Dean, there was ny denying that, but Sam wasn’t sure that it was something Cas would find appealing; he didn't have the same flair for the dynamic that Dean had.  “It’s, uh, it’s definitely memorable,” he agreed.

Dean took that as his brother’s approval of his idea and raced off to his room to finish planning, leaving Sam to his homework.

The next day, Sam was reading in the living room when dean stormed in.  Sam looked up from his book and took in his older brother who was practically foaming at the mouth.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, quickly marking his page and putting his book down.

“I convinced everyone to help with my promposal just before Cas got to lunch.  Then freaking Hannah burst into the cafeteria with her friends doing a whole big song and dance number and she asked Cas to prom!  Can you believe her nerve?  Asking my boyfriend to prom?”  Dean was furious and the more he talked the more worked up he got.  “She stole my idea AND tried to steal my date!”

“Cas said ‘no,’ though, right?” Sam asked.  He was sure he already knew the answer and hoped that the reminder would calm his brother down a little.

Dean started at Sam like he had grown a second head.  “Of course he said no!” Dean spat.  “He knows who he’s dating, even if Hannah pretends to forget.   But now I need a new plan for asking Cas.”  Dean sounded defeated by the time he finished speaking.  

“Well, let’s come up with something, then,” Sam offered.  “How did Cas react to the spectacle?”  Knowing how Cas had enjoyed Hannah’s prom ask would help in framing a new plan for Dean.  Sam hadn’t thought it was a good idea when Dean had come up with it but his brother’s reaction had him wondering if he had been wrong.

Dean laughed a little as he recalled the afternoon’s events.  “He was horrified by all the attention.  I guess I should be thanking Hannah for making that mistake for me.”

The brothers spent the evening planning and came away with something that they were sure Cas would love.  Sam smirked as he returned to his book while Dean ran to the store to get supplies for the poster he had talked his brother into making.

That weekend, Dean called to invite Cas over before giving Sam an envelope, gathering his things, and heading out.  He drove for a few minutes and his nerves began to climb as he took a roundabout way to his boyfriend’s house.  If he passed Cas on the road, it would ruin everything.  He’d spent the better part of the morning dropping off notes and clues and getting everything set up.  When Cas arrived at Sam and Dean’s, Sam would give him the note that would send Cas on a scavenger hunt through their favorite places around town, all ending in Castiel’s own backyard.  

Dean parked around the corner from his boyfriend’s house and hopped out of the Impala, grumbling to himself as he grabbed the poster.  He stopped at the front door to let Mr. Shurley know that he had arrived before walking to the backyard and taking his spot next to Castiel’s beehives.  

Dean fidgeted while he waited, regretting turning down Mr. Shurley’s offer of a soda.  The scavenger hunt he had set up wasn’t particularly long or tricky - especially for someone like Cas who loved puzzles - but he couldn’t help but worry that Cas wouldn’t find his way to him.  His fears proved unfounded, though, when after about a half an hour, one of Castiel’s brothers popped his head out the door to tell Dean that Cas had just pulled into the driveway.  

Dean took a deep breath and held up his sign.

A few moments later, Cas came around the house, grinning from ear to ear when he saw Dean.  He jogged over to his boyfriend and paused for a moment to read the poster he was holding.  “Will you bee my date for prom?” Cas laughed at the pun and at dean who was tense as one of the real bees buzzed around his head.

“What do you say, Cas?”  Dean asked when the insect had moved on.  “Will you go to prom with me?”

Cas pulled Dean in and kissed him soundly.  “This was perfect, Dean, thank you.  And I would like that very much.”

ALL THE TAGS! (forevers): @deathtonormalcy56 @supernaturalyobsessed @roxy-davenport @sumara62 @nanika67 @ginamsmith @gallifreyansass @samwinjarpad @hexparker @thinkwritexpress-official @atc74 @thewhiterabbit42 @nobodys-baby-now @mouselovesmusic

Destiel Tags from @mrswhozeewhatsis: @mrswhozeewhatsis @thinkwritexpress-official @deandoesthingstome @manawhaat @thegleegenerationtion @SinceriouslyAmellPadalecki @ferferelli @fangirling-instead-of-working @chrisatplay @faith-in-dean @mamaimpala @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @curliesallovertheplace @skybinx-blog @purgatoan  @impossible-box @deansleather @faegal04 @sunriserose1023 @dr-dean @jelly-beans-and-gstrings @saving-things-hunting-family @jotink78 @i-dont-know-how-to-write @notnaturalanahi @howmanytuesdaysdidyouhave @mysaintsasinner @besslincoln-bruh @shelovesallthethings @klaineaholic @bohowitch @rockhoochie

[theraredreamer]

The Raven Cycle Fic: A Study of Living in Your Own Skin (A Presentation by Adam Parrish and Richard Gansey the III)

By: @rarity-kasket

14k words, Rated T

Summary: Hate would be a strong word for Adam Parrish to use to describe his feelings for Richard ‘Dick’ Gansey the III, the overtly pretentious guy who sits in the front row in his world history class. Adam’s feelings for Gansey are complicated, and it doesn’t help when Professor Malory suggests that the two boys make a presentation for an upcoming Comparative Mythology Conference. As Adam encounters Gansey and his strange obsession with a dead Welsh king named Glendower, Adam learns an invaluable lesson that Yale could never teach him. There is always more under the surface. (An Adansey AU)

Hello, peeps! This a gift for the awesome @coolkumquat in celebration of the @trc-exchange because the world needs a little more Adansey, and these two nerds need a little more love. Enjoy and Happy Holidays! #teamrarepairings 

Click for Ao3 Link

 ***

Hate would be a strong word for Adam Parrish to use to describe his feelings for the overtly pretentious guy who sat in the front row in his world history class. Annoyance, maybe? Frustration, definitely yes. If Adam was honest with himself, he would admit that this all boiled down to a simple case of jealousy, as irrational and passionate as it was.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, like clockwork, Adam ran into Professor Malory’s world history course, warm and sweaty because Introduction to Psychology was located all the way across campus, and the only way he could make this class on time was if he sprinted. And before every class, like clockwork, Professor Malory and Richard ‘Dick’ Gansey the III engaged in a highbrow, scholarly conversation while the rest of the class sat in silence, watching the two intellectuals go back and forth like a tennis match. That was annoying, but it wasn’t the most irritating thing about class.

The most insufferable part of world history was watching Gansey’s hand fly up again and again and again to answer Malory’s questions with the most roundabout and pretentious responses known to mankind. The guy couldn’t go three words in a sentence without breaking out an SAT prep word such as repugnant, injurious, and grandiose. Words that made the entire class nod in approval and lean forward in their seats to get a glance at Richard Gansey the III. Meanwhile, Adam felt like he needed to bring a thesaurus to class.

The students at Yale University were the daughters and sons of CEO executives, senators, and Nobel Prize recipients. Adam Parrish was the son of nobody. Most students here inherited a disposition towards success from their parents. Adam inherited a disposition towards quick anger and alcoholism. Being at Yale, being surrounded by thoughtful intellectuals, was a constant reminder that he didn’t belong. He was just an imposter, a wannabe, killing himself with academics just to prove to the world that Adam Parrish was normal, that he could fit in, that he wasn’t as fucked up as he felt sometimes. In the presence of Richard Gansey the III, Adam felt like a nobody. He felt it like a stab to the heart. 

Today in class, Professor Malory started on a grueling lecture on the culture of ancient Greece, and it wasn’t long before Gansey’s hand rose high in the air to contribute to the class discussion.

“Contrary to the fantastical myths the Greeks constructed, much of their culture was rooted in an essential rationality. The Greek hero Hercules was said to have conquered some of the most preposterous beasts, and yet, he resided in the city of Thebes, an actual city in Greece. Coincidentally, the exact city where Aphrodite, the love goddess was born of sea foam. The Greeks endowed their gods with the resemblance of man, ‘at the age when youth is loveliest’ as Homer once quoted, because man was most rational, and therefore their gods dwell in the image of man.”

While Malory and his classmates nodded in approval before launching into a discussion of the role religion played in ancient Greek society, the corner of Adam’s lips twitched with irritation. This guy could not be more full of himself, sprouting out ridiculous words like endowed just so heads would turn in his direction. Who just threw that word into normal speech? Who randomly quoted Homer on regular occasions? No one, except Richard “Dick” Gansey the III. Other hands punched the air to add on to the ostentatious comment.

When class ended, Professor Malory implored the students to pick up their essays assigned from two weeks ago. Adam spent his time slowly packing away his notes as other classmates piled into one line to collect their papers before dashing off to their next class. He glanced down at his wristwatch, a cheap thing that he splurged on at Walmart once. Adam, thankfully, had a free period, and he had planned to spend it in the library catching up on this week’s readings. When most students had cleared out, Adam approached Malory who was engaged in a deep conversation with Gansey. Malory’s smiling eyes flickered to Adam before he pulled his paper off the top stack.

“Ah, Mr. Parrish, wonderful essay on Hammurabi’s code. Absolutely insightful. This is what I mean about thinking critically about history.”

Adam’s expression brightened, and he stood a little taller at Malory’s compliment like a plant in the sunlight. “Thank you, sir.”

“You must know Old Gansey boy here.” Malory reached over and patted Gansey on the shoulder, and Adam’s gaze drifted to him. It was hard not to miss his presence. He was like the light that drew in moths; wherever Gansey went, eyes followed. Adam had never been this close to him before. Gansey was one of those model types that could be found in a Ralph Lauren spread with his styled brown hair, his Hollywood smile, his classic, Anglo-Saxon face that any sculptor would kill to look upon.

“Pleasure to meet you, Adam Parrish.” Gansey’s mouth wrapped around his name in a way that would make anyone feel worthy, and for a second, Adam was almost bewitched. He extended his hand to shake, and Adam took it. The handshake was steady and firm.

“It’s great to finally meet you. You have so much to say in class.”

Gansey laughed, letting go of Adam’s hand and dropping his own to his side.

“Now that you two have met,” Professor Malory pushed his spectacles up on his nose. The statement caught Adam off-guard, curious as to what the professor would say next. “Mr. Parrish, this year, Yale will be hosting a Comparative Mythology conference at the end of January. Gansey Boy here is looking for a partner to present with, and I would highly recommend you as a worthy co-presenter.”

Adam felt gobsmacked by the offer. He turned to Gansey, who appraised him, a hopeful glimmer in his deep hazel eyes.

“I…” Adam cleared his throat. “Could I have some time to think about this before I commit?”

Professor Malory looked to Gansey for answers, who simply nodded.

“Yes indeed, in fact,” Gansey reached into his satchel and produced a business card, which he held out to Adam. Adam tried not to judge the fact that a college freshman carried business cards, but also, why hadn’t Adam thought of an idea like that? He took the card, which had Gansey’s telephone number and email address on it. He even had a website too. What could he possibly have on a website? Oddly, his first name Richard or his nickname ‘Dick’ was nowhere on the card, just his last name, Gansey. “Take my business card in case you have any questions.”

“Of course,” Adam tucked it safely in his back pocket. “I should go, but thank you for the invitation.”

Adam bade goodbye to Professor Malory and Gansey before dashing off to the library. It was not a long walk from his history class. Adam found a peaceful corner to study in. Normally, he would dive into his Virgil translations, blocking the outside world until he drowned himself in Virgil’s beautiful Latin prose, but his mind kept going back to a certain crisp pastel pink polo shirt. Adam gave up on Virgil and made the decision to stay up later tonight to spend more time on his Latin translations. He pulled out the business card in his back pocket and a laptop that he borrowed from the library on his first day of classes before typing in Gansey’s website address.

It was amazing how much time a person could waste on the internet. Adam must have spent thirty minutes sifting through Gansey’s website. Whoever this Owen Glendower legend was, Gansey was obsessed with him. There was a fountain of information on his life, the mystery surrounding his supposed death, these things called ley lines, and other related supernatural events. There were pictures of Gansey’s globe-trotting adventures and notes about his findings. Adam never met someone so… obsessed.

Adam pulled out his graded essay and stared at the comments made by Professor Malory on the pages, his chest swelling with pride. Maybe he did belong here.  

“Yeah, Dad is taking us to Montreal for the Christmas holiday. How gay is that?”

Adam groaned and slipped low into his chair. Unfortunately, he knew that voice anywhere.

“Speaking of gay, sup Parrish.”

“Tad.” Adam forced through clenched teeth. Tad strolled over, cuffing him on the back of the head. Adam Parrish had the most unfortunate pleasure of sharing a room with Tad Carruthers. If there was anyone who annoyed Adam more than Richard Gansey the III, it was Tad.

“What are you looking at?” He peered over Adam’s shoulder, breathing on his neck and pressing his big nose into the laptop screen.

“Who’s that? Your boyfriend, Parrish? I got to say, you have nice taste.” Tad and his friends, who hovered by the table, laughed.

Adam slammed the laptop shut before packing his things away. “I was doing research for a conference that I’m presenting at in January. If you would excuse me, I have to go.” He snatched his belongings off the desk and ran straight into the men’s restroom.

Adam locked himself in a bathroom stall, leaning against the wall with his eyes squeezed tight before slowly picking apart his anger. He knew boys like Tad all too well. The small hicksville town he came from had a fancy private school full of Tads with their expensive cars and superior attitudes and impeccable uniforms. Adam remembered how badly he wanted to be them, to have all the wealth in the world. He wanted the sharp suits and the nice cars and the women draped all over him like the magazine spreads he used to collect.

Yale was supposed to change that.

When Adam calmed down, he left the bathroom stall and walked to his next class.

 *** The next morning Adam got up super early, made coffee, and hiked to the library to do more studying. As he dropped down into his chair, a yawn escaped his lips. He finished his Latin translations despite the fact that Tad had sexiled him until two in the morning. Adam stayed up another hour studying for an upcoming test.

As a stack of books dropped on the table in front of him, Adam flinched before he looked up from his psychology notes. Gansey stood before him looking abnormally pristine and chipper for seven in the morning.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” He asked, waiting for an affirmative. Adam stared at Gansey, startled by both his appearance and request. He recovered quickly, clearing the table to make room for Gansey.

“Be my guest.”He sat across from Adam and cracked opened books of his own to study. They worked in silence, which surprised Adam because the guy never shut up in class. Every once in awhile, he stole furtive glances at Gansey hunched over his textbook, eyebrows furrowed and his thumb brushing thoughtfully over his lips as he poured over the text. Every time, Adam swallowed thickly and went back to working furiously.

Gansey cleared his throat, and Adam looked up at him to find curious eyes studying him.

“Have you given thought to my proposal?”

“Is that why you sat over here? Are you stalking me?” Adam asked, and Gansey’s cheeks flushed.

“No. You didn’t call last night to ask questions. I was here first, and I saw you sit down, so I thought I would ask.”

“Richard–” Adam started, but the other boy cut him off.

“Gansey.”

“What?”

“Please call me Gansey. I prefer it,” he corrected. That explained the business card.

“Okay… Gansey,” Adam tested the name on his lips, “I’m flattered Professor Malory regarded me so highly that he thought I would make a great partner to present at this conference–”

 Gansey cut him off again.

“Please consider this piece of information before you decline the proposal. I actually suggested partnering up with you, and Professor Mallory agreed.” He admitted, and that tiny bit of information shook Adam to the core. Gansey choose him? He personally sought him out because he wanted to work with Adam? When Adam didn’t reply, Gansey continued. “Your comments are so insightful and brilliant when Professor Malory calls on you. I’m jealous sometimes that I hadn’t thought of such a response.”

Richard Gansey the III was jealous of him…

Adam Parrish the I. 

The words almost knocked the breath out of him. He spent months envying Gansey for his intellect and his wealth and his popularity. And this whole time, Gansey envied him. Adam felt something dangerously smug blossom inside his chest.

“I would be honored to have you a part of the team,” Gansey said. Those words had sealed Adam’s answer.

 “Okay, I’ll do the presentation with you in January.”

Gansey’s entire expression brightened, and he clapped his hands in delight. “Excellent!” He cried.

“Do you have an idea of what you would like to present on?”

At Adam’s question, Gansey’s eyes grew keen as he leaned over the table in a conspiratory manner.

“Have you heard of the Legend of Owen Glendower?”

***

And so, Adam and Gansey became friends. Gansey was no longer the guy with the overambitious comments in world history, even if he still occasionally threw out an SAT vocab every third word. After classes, they would go to the library to conduct research, or they would go up to Gansey’s dorm to discuss theories about Glendower. Adam even met Gansey’s roommate Henry Cheng, who was a member of the Yale Student Environmental Coalition on campus and planned to run for student council in the spring. Adam enjoyed Henry’s presence, and he liked being in Gansey and Henry’s room. It was bright and imaginative and colorful. On their walls, they tacked up maps of exotic places and posters of Madonna. By their window sill, Gansey had a collection of potted mint leaves. They even squeezed a bookshelf into the dorm, filled with carefully preserved books on various topics from astrophysics to ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs. Some of the books on the shelves weren’t even in English. Some were in French and Latin and Mandarin and Sanskrit. Some were in languages that even Adam couldn’t identify. In a quaint dorm room, they had their own personal library. Adam was in love with Gansey and Henry’s room, and now he had access to it whenever he liked.

Sometimes they didn’t study when Adam came over, but they went driving in the Pig or watched movies like Indiana Jones and Star Wars instead.

“What’s your house, Adam? I bet you’re a Ravenclaw. Ooh nevermind, I can definitely see you being a Slytherin.” Henry asked on a particular day that Adam and Gansey were studying in their room. Gansey sat at his desk facing the windows, typing quietly as he went back and forth between two opened textbooks and his laptop, and Adam sat on his bed. Initially, he felt uncomfortable sitting on another’s person bed, but Gansey insisted that it was fine.

“My what?’ Adam looked up from his notes at Henry, who was leaning off the side of his loft bed, upside down and smiling at Adam.

“Your Hogwarts house? Gansey and I are both Ravenclaws.”

The word Hogwarts registered to him. Henry was referring to the Harry Potter series.

“Oh. I don’t know. I’ve never read the books or seen the movies.” He said. Adam remembered most kids in his grade being obsessed with the series. He never got a chance to enjoy fanciful and childish things like Harry Potter. His father had beaten all that was whimsical and magical out of Adam’s childhood.

To Adam’s offhand remark, the soft clicking of Gansey’s keyboard stopped as he swiveled around in his chair to look at Adam, and Henry sat up in his bed to openly gape.

“What?”

“Adam Parrish, do not ‘what’ me,” said Henry. “How have you–” Henry paused, appearing lost for words. When Adam glanced at Gansey for help, he too was staring at Adam as if he was an alien from out of space.“What do you mean–Even if you haven’t read the books, tell me you’re lying about the movies.”

Adam mustered his best apologetic smile. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay. That’s it.” Henry climbed down his loft bed. “Everyone, drop what you’re doing right now.” He said, walking over to Gansey’s laptop and closing it shut.

“Henry!”

Henry ignored Gansey’s protest and grabbed the books that Gansey had flopped over. He took up Adam’s notebook too and dropped them on his desk. “There will be no more Glendower tonight. Instead, Adam is going to grab clothes from his dorm because he is most definitely staying over. Afterwards, we’re driving to Target for popcorn and gummy worms. Then we’re going to have a complete Harry Potter movie marathon, and we will stay in this dorm together for however long that takes.” From the intense, dead serious expression on Henry’s face, Adam believed that Henry would keep him prisoner here until every movie was watched. There was no escape.

“That’s absurd! You can’t show him the movies before he has even read the books.” Gansey cried, horrified, gawking at Henry as if he had suggested setting a library on fire.

“If he sees the movies first, then he has nothing to be disappointed with,” Henry replied before he grabbed the keys to the Pig and tossed them at Gansey, who caught them with an ease that impressed Adam.

Henry had committed himself to this movie marathon sleepover. So Adam ran back to his dorm and packed a bag with his clothes and homework. Despite the fact that this was inconveniencing his plans to study in the library all day tomorrow, Adam felt excited about the prospect of staying over tonight. He never got to do things like this as a child. It didn’t take long to pack his belongings before meeting Gansey and Henry outside by the Pig. Henry was already in the back, so Adam slipped into the passenger seat next to Gansey. On the way to Target, Henry talked a lot about his quasi-romance with a blonde guy who skateboarded everywhere around campus. Once he almost ran Henry over…that was the extent of all their romantic and non-romantic interactions.

“Every time I look at him, it’s like glitter exploding inside of me, you know?” Henry gushed in the backseat.

“Uh-huh, that’s nice,” Gansey said distractedly as he leaned forward to see if any oncoming cars were driving towards them as he prepared for a left turn. Henry threw Gansey an exaggerated glare before he sat up, something in the window catching his eyes.

“I forgot there is a Barnes and Noble next to the Target. Pull into the bookstore.” Gansey complied, pulling into the parking lot. Henry took Adam by the hand and dragged him inside.

“What do you need from the bookstore?” Gansey asked Henry, who grinned back at him.

“It’s not what I need.” He grinned at Adam. The other boys were quick on the uptake. They searched the store for the Harry Potter section. It wasn’t hard to find as the table was obnoxiously dressed with Harry Potter merchandise. Henry picked up a book and handed to him. Adam barely glanced at the title, flipped over the cover of the book, and scanned the barcode tag.

Ten dollars and ninety-nine cents.

He could afford that.

Adam flipped the cover back over to reveal a scrawny little boy riding a broomstick. Stenciled at the top was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

“Henry, if you’re going to make him read the series, wouldn’t it make sense to get him this?”

Adam’s head snapped up, and Gansey was holding a huge box of books. Adam’s stomach plummeted. He knew that box cost more than ten dollars and ninety-nine cents, more than what he could afford.

Adam no longer had to work tirelessly at three jobs, and he lived comfortably on his stipend from his one work-study assignment. However, Adam still didn’t have money to splurge on whatever he fancied.

“Oh, that’s smart! And it’ll save money!” Henry claimed. Adam took the box in his hands. The price tag almost made him drop the box. Henry must have noticed.

“What’s the matter?”

Adam didn’t know how to explain to them that he didn’t have the money to pay for this. That awful divide that separated Adam from their world reared its ugly head. His mouth was dry, and heat crept into the back of his neck.

“I didn’t bring enough money for this. So let’s just get the one book.” He started to put the box back, but Gansey grabbed the other end of it.

“Well, I was planning on buying it myself anyway. Don’t worry about it.” Gansey said. Adam stared at him, horrified.

Gansey paying for the books was worse than Adam not being able to afford the books.

“I couldn’t let you do that.” Adam pulled on the box.

“It’s no big deal. It’s only a hundred dollars.” Gansey said with an air of frivolousness that made Adam almost drop the box again.

“Well, a hundred can be a lot for some people.” Adam shot back. “At least let me pay you back for the books.”

“You should hold on to your money. Consider this a gift from Henry and me.” Gansey flashed him that Hollywood smile that could get away with murder. “If anything, this is a gift to Henry.”

“He’s not wrong.” Henry agreed. “You reading the series is payment enough.”

Adam’s pride didn’t let him buy into that. He glanced reluctantly between the two. “Fine, but I get to buy the snacks at Target.”

“If that is what it takes, fine.” Henry snagged the box and made an eager stride towards the counter. It left Adam and Gansey alone in the aisle, and Adam could barely meet Gansey’s gaze.

In the end, Gansey paid for Adam’s books. As the price ringed up on the register, Adam turned away. Gansey and Henry, however, were true to their word and let Adam buy the snacks at Target, which assuaged some of his guilt. Later that night, they made buttery popcorn in the communal kitchen. As they snacked on popcorn and gummy worms, and sodas, Adam let Henry and Gansey walk him through their favorite books. Henry preferred the Goblet of Fire while Gansey’s favorite was the Half-Blood Prince. Adam didn’t know what any of that meant. They made it far into the marathon. Henry was the first to go. He fell asleep during the third movie. Adam couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore halfway into the forth.

“You’re falling asleep,” Gansey said as Adam’s head nodded back into the futon. Henry was sprawled out across their laps.

“No, I’m not…” Adam protested. “I’m watching.”

“Adam, your eyes are closed.” Gansey pointed out.

“I’m picturing the movie in my mind.”

“We should stop for tonight.” Gansey made a slow attempt to stand, but Adam pulled on his arm.

“I’m awake. I promise. I’m watching.” Adam’s words slurred, and he forced his eyes open to look at Gansey who stared back at him with a hint of distrust before settling back into the futon. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed again, and his face sagged into Gansey’s shoulder.

“I never said thank you earlier,” Adam mumbled into the fabric of Gansey’s sweater. He inhaled deeply and caught the strong and comforting scent of mint.

“For what?”  

“The books.”

“Oh, it was nothing really.” Gansey dismissed.

“But it is…” Adam’s yawned. He felt sleep dragging him further and further down the rabbit hole, images swirling until he could see the movie clearly in his mind. Then it was just Gansey and him in their Hogwarts uniforms, walking together on school grounds. “I’m not used to things like that.”

“Things like what?” Gansey sounded far away, despite the fact that he was standing next to him. Adam’s eyes flickered to the dark blue tie, tucked under his jumper. Adam was wearing a matching green tie.

“Doing nice things for me…I’m used to being on my own.”

Gansey smiled, and his hand reached out to brush Adam’s cheek. His voice was as gentle as the balm of Gilead. “You deserve to have nice things happen to you all the time.”

Adam couldn’t remember much of his dream after that.

***

They were in the local coffee shop pouring over history and mythology books. Gansey had ordered something large and ridiculous like a dirty Earl Grey chai tea with extra vanilla and nutmeg. Adam had ordered a simple black coffee. Gansey offered to pay, which started a passive aggressive argument in front of the cashier. They stopped when the lady behind them cleared her throat in a loud and obnoxious way that told them to take their argument somewhere that was not delaying her caffeine fix.

At the current moment, they were having another disagreement at the table. This time, more intellectual.

“But why would Glendower have his body sailed across the Atlantic ocean of all places? How would he have known about the landmass across the Atlantic when Christopher Columbus didn’t land in the Americas until 1492? Glendower went missing in 1412, eighty years before the Europeans knew about the land?” Adam challenged Gansey.

“Oh, Adam, ye of little faith and always the skeptic. Glendower possessed supernatural abilities as it is mentioned in Shakespeare’s King Henry IV Part One. Glendower says ‘Give me leave to tell you once again that at my birth the front of heaven was full of fiery shapes, the goats ran from the mountains, and the herds were strangely clamorous to the frighted fields. These signs have mark’d me extraordinary; And all the courses of my life do show I am not in the roll of common men’ Don’t you see, Adam? Glendower is a magician. He could have easily used his magic to conceal himself without others knowing. And the Vikings discovered America before Columbus, so why can’t Glendower?”

Adam wanted to tell Gansey that quoting Shakespeare in common conversation was pompous, but instead, he said,“You can’t discover land that already has people occupying it. That’s called colonization, also known as a dick move.”

“I can’t tell if that is purely a criticism of colonization or a pun ridiculing me?”

“I’ll leave that up to your interpretation,” Adam smirked.

“Then I am choosing the former.” Gansey laughed before the lines around his eyes and mouth grew soft, and his smile became sheepish. He leaned across the small table, and Adam, feeling daring in the moment, mimicked the gesture, letting their forearms brush together. Gansey glanced down at their arms strangely, but didn’t complain or inch away. His eyes traveled up to Adam’s face. The lighting in the coffee shop brought out the hazel in his eyes. Gansey took in his fair share of Adam too, eyes roving over the features of his face. Heat crept onto Adam’s ears and neck. He couldn’t tell what Gansey was thinking, and when the staring overwhelmed him, Adam swallowed and turned his gaze out towards the window to watch the snowfall.

“I wanted to ask you a question, but I’m not sure how you will respond,” Gansey said, so quietly that Adam had to tilt his head towards Gansey because he was straining to hear.

“Oh?” Adam asked calmly, but his pulse started to race.

“I don’t know if you have plans for the winter holidays or not, but I have a possible lead on some mysterious ley line activity, a few hours outside of DC. I thought maybe you would like to stay with my family for the holidays, and we could drive to the ley lines together…for research.”

It wasn’t the question he expected, and Adam felt both disappointed and foolish.

“Winter break is a month long.” He frowned. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding at all. I was planning on returning to campus early after the new year. My mother has this new years party that I have to attend. You should come. There will be all sorts of influential people that I’ll introduce you to, who can offer you summer internships.”

The thought of Gansey whoring him out to CEO execs and senators just so he could kiss ass and beg for internships made him nauseous. The heat in his ears and his neck spread all over until Adam was positively brimming at the audacity of Richard Gansey the III.

“And what? Am I supposed to just be your puppy on the leash for the night? Is that it?” Adam asked through clenched teeth. Gansey instantly realized his mistake.

“No, that’s not–”

“You want me to roll over and do tricks for your little friends hoping that someone will throw me scraps.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“What did you mean?”

“I just… I wanted you there for the holidays.” Gansey sighed. His shoulders sagged, and his eyes dropped down to the table. “I mentioned the party because I thought it would make you say yes.”

“I’m not superficial,” Adam said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not your friend because you can get me connections. I’m your friend because I want to be.”

At those words, Gansey stared at Adam reverent and utterly awestruck.

“Uh, thank you.” Gansey cleared his throat. “That means a lot.”

“I’ll come.”

“What?” Gansey asked.

“I’ll come to DC over the break, and we can check out the ley lines for the presentation.”

Gansey smiled, his eyes bright and twinkling in the soft light of the coffee shop.

***

Adam had never been to Washington DC before, and Gansey showed him all that the city had to offer. They went to the Lincoln Memorial and sat on the stairs where Martin Luther King had a dream, looking out over the reflecting pool towards the Washington Monument. They visited the National Archives to get a glimpse at the Declaration of Independence. Every day, Adam thought about the thousands of people they passed by. Some of these people were lawyers who argued before the Supreme Court or doctors rushing off to save lives. Around them, people were making a difference in the world, and Adam wanted to be one of them.

They had just got off the metro at Dupont Circle. As the two boys stepped onto the chilly and crowded streets of Connecticut Avenue, Adam pressed himself close to Gansey’s left side as they walked down the street together. Gansey refused to tell Adam where exactly he was taking him. The only clue he would give when Adam asked was that this place was his favorite setting in all of DC. Adam was naturally curious. They didn’t have to walk for long because Gansey stopped outside a small ma and pa bookstore. Stenciled outside the shop were the words Kramerbooks & Afterword.

“Your favorite place is a bookstore?” Adam laughed. Honestly, he should have known.

“Followed by the Library of Congress, That would be my favorite location if we could actually keep the books,” Gansey said before opening the door and motioning Adam inside. Kramerbooks was small and quaint with shelves and shelves of books lining every inch of the wall. Display tables were everywhere and piled with mountains of books, and Adam couldn’t move anywhere without brushing shoulders with another person. Gansey instantly busied himself with perusing the shelves. The place was small enough that Adam felt comfortable enough to detach from Gansey without losing him. He wandered around the store, flipping through books and reading covers until he stumbled upon a title that struck his interest. He snuck furtive glances over his shoulders, his ears burning before he snatched the book to find a comfortable nook to read in. Crammed into a small corner with the book perched on his knees, Adam realized why Gansey favored this place. The bookshelves enclosed around Adam, nestled him into a small and comforting pocket of the bookshop. For a while, Adam was in his own world, reading.

Philosophers love puzzles, and love provides a welter for puzzle. It does not take exceptional humility to admit that we are often confused about it. Love is selfless; love is selfish. Love is kind; love is cruel. Love is fickle; love is forever. Love is heaven; love is hell. Love is war–

“What do you have there?” Adam’s head snapped up. Gansey loomed over him, peering down at Adam curiously. Adam snapped the book close and stood to his feet.

“Just a book that I found laying around. It looked interesting.”

Gansey glanced down at the cover before his eyes drew back to Adam’s face with a raised eyebrow. “You thought Love: A Very Short Introduction looked like an interesting read?”

“Yes. It’s a very philosophical read.” Adam’s ears burned before his gaze traveled to the books tucked under Gansey’s arms. “Did you buy those?” He slipped the book back on a shelf in a discreet fashion as Gansey fumbled with his books.

“Oh yes! Let’s grab a table in the cafe, and I’ll show them to you.” Gansey said, and Adam followed him to the back of the cramped bookshop and into the cafe. They sat at an empty table before a waitress came by and jotted down their orders. She came back with an apple crumb pie for Adam and a sweet potato cheesecake for Gansey.

“What books did you get?” Adam pointed to the stack of books that Gansey had on the table before cutting into his pie with his fork. As Adam ate, Gansey enthusiastically showed Adam the books he picked up, Other Worlds: Spirituality and the Search for Invisible Dimensions by Christopher G. White and The Lost Art of Finding Our Way by John Edward Huth. Gansey would even flip open the book to read interesting passages out loud, and Adam let him because he liked the sound of Gansey’s reading voice and the way his mouth moved as it wrapped around the words. Gansey prattled on endlessly about his new books for so long that the waitress had picked up Adam’s empty dish way before Gansey finished his cheesecake.

“I’ve heard of strawberry cheesecake or chocolate cheesecake, but sweet potato and cheesecake seem like a strange mixture.” Adam scrunched up his nose, watching Gansey polish off his plate. He still had half a plate of cheesecake to get rid of.

“Would you like to sample a bite?” Gansey asked, pushing the plate across the table, Adam stared at the dessert apprehensively before he picked up Gansey’s fork. He sliced into the cheesecake and took a bite. The sweet taste of maple melted on his tongue and a soft hum of delight escaped his lips. Adam slid the fork out of his mouth.

“Okay, I was wrong. That’s good stuff.” He smiled and held the fork out to Gansey, who stared at him so strangely. He didn’t miss the way Gansey swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing, before his fingers closed around the fork, brushing against Adam’s.

“So,” Gansey cleared his throat. “This is probably none of my business, but I’m curious about the book you were reading earlier. Are you endeavoring to court someone?”

“I can’t believe you just asked me if I’m courting someone.” Adam snorted. “How old are you? Eighteen going on eighty-five?”  He asked, and Gansey didn’t miss a beat.

“A hundred and two actually.”

“Well, then you look good for your age.”

Gansey burst into laughter, and something proud blossomed in Adam’s chest that he managed to put that luminous smile on Gansey’s face. When his laughter died, he asked Adam again. “So are you courting someone?”

Adam shook his head, and his ears started to grow warm again. “I was curious about what love is…from a psychological and philosophical point of view.”

“And you thought you could learn that from a book?” Gansey questioned, furrowing his brow as if he was trying to piece something together about Adam.

“Pathetic, right?” Adam laughed it off, but Gansey didn’t buy Adam’s self-deprecating humor, studying him like a sheet of glass with fracture lines all over, with hesitation and caution. When the staring became too much, Adam changed the subject.

“We should go down to the waterfront today. We didn’t get a chance to go yesterday.” Adam said.

The subject change distracted Gansey.

“You’re right! We didn’t. The Wharf isn’t far from here. We can take the metro down there and walk around for awhile. It’s not a far walk from the National Mall either.”

Gansey, with help from Adam, quickly finished off the rest of the cheesecake before they left the bookshop and hopped back on the metro towards the Wharf. The view was gorgeous, even for winter. Boats and small yachts sat on the sparkling blue water next to the luxurious high rise apartments and swanky shops. Gansey insisted that the view was better in the summer sunshine. They walked along the waterfront, watching the boats in the harbor with Adam’s right shoulder barely brushing against Gansey’s left shoulder as they walked.

“What are you going to do with a psychology degree?” Gansey asked him out of the blue, but Adam could tell that he had been sitting on this question for a while. The comment came off condescendingly.

“What are you going to do with an anthropology degree?” Adam shot back at him.

“No, I’m being serious.” The twinkle in Gansey’s eyes was earnest, and Adam didn’t know what to do with that.

“I’m going to law school to become a criminal prosecutor. Psychology sounded like a smart choice for a background in law.”

“Why?”

Adam paused to look at Gansey. Next to them, a bonfire roared to life and a crowd was making s’mores around the fire.

“Why is psychology a smart decision?”

“No. Why do you want to be a prosecutor?”

An uncomfortable and thick silence passed through them, and Adam felt himself grow awkward by the second. He got the question about what he wanted to do after college all the time, but no one ever asked him why. Adam thought long and careful about what he could say to Gansey.

“I want to help people who can’t defend themselves,” he said, and his own confidence surprised him, as well as Gansey, who stared at him with parted lips.

“That’s…” Gansey took his time with a response. “That’s very noble of you.”  

He ended the sentence with a smile that warmed Adam from the inside out, more than the fire they were standing next to. Gansey’s eyes regarded him as some sort of god made for worship, and Adam rather liked it before he chastised himself for being vain. Vain enough to think that Gansey, the boy with all the wealth and beauty that anyone could ever want, found him worthy. How could Gansey want him when he didn’t even know how broken he was?

“I’m kind of cold,” said Gansey. “Do you want to snag one of those chairs and have s’mores?”

“Sure.”

“Excelsior!” Gansey cheered, rushing towards an empty chair. Adam laughed.

“Calm down buddy, it’s just a chair–” Adam clipped the end of the word chair as soon as he heard the southern drawl slip out. It made Gansey pause to cock his head curiously at him. Adam’s ears burned with shame.

“What was that?” He asked.

“What was what?” Adam’s voice returned to normal.

“That southern drawl just now?”

Gansey had definitely heard it.

“You can’t talk. Have you heard your voice?” Adam tried to laugh it off, but Gansey flinched and cast him a wounded expression.

“Okay, but I’m not fabricating a neutral accent,” Gansey called out, and the word fabricating made Adam irrationally upset. Did he need to casually throw that word out now? Gansey swallowed thickly, his gaze flickering away from Adam. He appeared hesitant to speak, and Adam hated that he was a thing that Gansey had to be cautious with.

“I don’t want to fight today. Could we just forget all of this and get s’mores?”

Adam nodded, not trusting himself to speak. They did just that, ate s’mores on the harbor and pretended like nothing was boiling under the surface.

***

The night before they were supposed to leave town, Adam was in the middle of chapter twenty, The Dementor’s Kiss, of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. He felt determined to finish the book tonight, so he could move on to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire as soon as possible.

Adam now understood Henry’s shock when he admitted that he had never read a single book. The writing made him laugh out loud. At times, it made him misty eyed. It made him smile so hard until it hurt. It tore his heart out of his chest and left him to bleed. Behind the fantastical backdrop of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, there was something painfully real and human that lived in the spirits of the books.

There was a knock at the door. Adam crawled out of bed, carrying the Prisoner of Azkaban with him. When he opened the door, Gansey was standing in the frame. Adam’s eyes swept over his body. His normally styled hair was tousled and damp from the recent shower he had, and the t-shirt that he wore clung tightly around his torso, exposing the thick muscles of his arms. Adam wondered what would happen if he just dragged his fingers up Gansey’s arm. His hands clenched at his side before quickly releasing. Adam leaned against the doorframe.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I wanted to check in, make sure that you were comfortable with leaving at eight tomorrow,” said Gansey. The two of them were setting off early in the morning to find information concerning Glendower. Gansey had located some psychics who lived on the ley lines just a few hours outside of Washington. Gansey’s eyes drifted down to the book, dangling in Adam’s hand. “I hope I wasn’t disturbing you.”

“Oh no, I was reading. I just found out that Peter Pettigrew is the traitor, and Sirius is innocent.”

“I love Sirius! He’s my favorite character.” Gansey’s expression brightened. “Do you have a favorite character yet?”

“I like Harry a lot.”

Gansey didn’t say anything. He nodded and quietly studied the lines in Adam’s face. Adam continued. “I’m surprised to hear that Sirius is your favorite. I expected you to say Dumbledore.You’re both are old and eccentric. I thought you would bond over that.”

Gansey laughed and shook his head. “No, Sirius is cool with his long hair and his flying motorcycle.”

“So you’re telling me that you like the bad boy types?” Adam grinned, and Gansey mouth fell open as a scarlet blush crept into his cheeks. He recovered quickly.

“Not a fan of bad boys, are you?”

“Not really, I tend to like them super dorky and kind of obsessed with Welsh mythology.” The words just flew off his tongue without a second thought. His ears grew warm at the unexpected confession, and he reached up to scratch the back of his ear. He was certain Gansey liked him back, but the astonished expression on the other boy’s face caused Adam to second guess whether he had misinterpreted Gansey’s intentions.

“You’re…” Gansey started before he swallowed. “You’re attracted to me?”

“Did I make this awkward? I was getting the vibe that maybe you, uh, felt the same…but if I was wrong–”

“No, no. You weren’t…wrong.”

“Oh,” Adam said because he doesn’t know what else to say. He didn’t plan this far, and this was not the way he pictured confessing to Gansey.

The two stared at each other, at a standstill. Gansey acted first. His hands slid over Adam’s shoulders and down his chest, and his palms spread wide on Adam’s breastbone as he pressed Adam against the door. The book in Adam’s hand slipped and hit the floor with a soft thud, and Adam could hardly bring himself to care when the boy with the Hollywood smile and classic Anglo-Saxon face was so close and warm against him. Adam’s hand dragged up Gansey’s arm, feeling the strong muscle underneath, and he thanked God for the rowing team.

Adam’s eyes flickered to Gansey’s lips. “Are you sure–“

The warm press of Gansey’s mouth silenced him, and Adam’s other hand slid into Gansey’s hair, fingers curling around damp, dark locks. Their lips moved slowly and curiously against each other, and their mouths were like explorers on uncharted territory. As Gansey’s tongue work its way into his mouth, deepening the kiss, a gradual warmth flooded Adam’s stomach. His fingers gently pulled at Gansey’s hair, drawing soft moans from his mouth.

Gansey pulled away. Adam let his head fall back against the doorframe, and his hands fell to his side. For a while, the only noise he could hear was his own heavy breathing.

“It’s late,” Gansey announced. “I should probably get to bed.”

Adam’s eyes strayed to Gansey’s moist lips. “Probably,” He mumbled back in agreement. Gansey leaned up and caught a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Sleep well.” He turned to walk back to his bedroom, and Adam watched Gansey’s figure retreat until he couldn’t see him anymore. Adam doubted if he would sleep at all.

***

They were on the open road to find more information about Glendower and the ley lines the next morning. Adam was left wondering if last night actually happened or if he dreamed it all. Gansey didn’t bring up the kiss or attempt to kiss Adam again, even though Adam desperately wanted him to. Instead, they talked Glendower, or they listened to one of Gansey’s favorite podcasts. Myths and Legends, creating discussion after each episode by using the knowledge they had acquired from Professor Mallory’s class and previous history courses that they had taken. The only tiny reminders that Adam had of last night were the brief and smiling glances that Gansey would make in his direction when he thought Adam wasn’t looking.

Everything was great. Life was great. Gansey and he were great until…

Adam started to notice the very familiar scenery. At first, he had chalked it up to just the landscape of West Virginia, but the resemblance became too noticeable to ignore. Adam had biked up and down these roads many a days.

He sat up in his seat, suddenly alert. “Gansey?” he asked.

“Yes,” Gansey leaned over to turn the speaker down.

“I don’t recall you actually telling me where these psychics were located.”

“Oh, I didn’t?” Gansey frowned. “I must have been so fervid in looking for the ley lines and Glendower that I glossed over some key details. There is a ley line that runs through a small town called Henrietta. Ever heard of it?”

All of the good feelings from last night evaporated. The breakfast from earlier this morning threatened to come up, and his hands shook so awfully that he slipped them under his thighs and sat on them.

“Are you okay? You’ve gone pale.”

“No. I’m fine.” Adam managed to say as he reclined back in the chair, closing his eyes and breathing deeply through his nose and out his mouth. Just his luck that Glendower managed to be hiding out in his old hometown. He considered lying and telling Gansey that he was too sick to make the rest of the trip, but he thought about Gansey’s disappointed expression. He’d called up some important experts to get information about the Henrietta ley lines and driven all the way down here. If Adam lied, it would be all for naught, and he would be sabotaging valuable information for their presentation next month.

They rolled into the sleepy town of Henrietta. It was just like he remembered.

“This is a charming little town,” Gansey commented enthusiastically, watching the scenery whip by with awe. Everywhere Adam looked was a graveyard of memories that he thought he left behind. Finally, they arrived at a blue house on Fox Way. Adam had recognized it. He had biked past it a hundred times on his way into town, but never went in. Adam had heard of the psychics of 300 Fox way before. The topic made for a good laugh with friends when the psychics correctly predicted a run in with an old friend in Walmart or an anecdote when they foretold a disastrous event involving the number six. Adam would be amazed if he actually believed in magic, but these predictions were coincidences, something to forget about when real life got in the way.

They got out of the car and walked up to the door. Gansey lifted his hand to knock, but before his hand even touched the wood, the door swung open to reveal a disgruntled woman with brown skin standing in the doorway, her arms crossed.

“How did you know that we were already here?” Gansey asked with amazement.

“Your car is loud as shit. You can hear it from the next block over. I’m assuming you’re our afternoon appointment.” The woman said, and Gansey nodded before she let them inside. Two other women were waiting for them. Another psychic with dark hair greeted them.

“Could we get some names?” She asked.

“I’m Gansey, “ he pointed to himself before he gestured over his shoulder. “And this is my friend, Adam.”

The psychic who greeted them at the door snorted at this, though Adam didn’t understand what she found so funny.

“I’m Maura. These are my counterparts, Persephone and Calla.” Maura gestured to each one of them before ushering Adam and Gansey into a room that oddly had a hanging portrait of Steve Martin on the wall. Gansey took a moment to examine how out of place it was before they sat down in chairs.

He pulled out a tape recorder and laid it on the table. “Do you mind if I record our conversation? For research.”

“As long as you’re paying, I don’t care what you do,” the woman named Maura said. “Who would like to start first?”

Both boys looked at each other, deciding for a long time before the women name Persephone pushed the deck of tarot cards into Adam’s hands. She told him to shuffle them and get his “energy on the cards.” When he had finished, he handed the cards back to Persephone and watched her lay the cards out before him.

“Pick three.” Her voice was whimsical and soft. Adam did as he was instructed, and Persephone flipped the cards over in front of him. He didn’t know what any of it meant, but his eyes snagged on the card with a lot of swords stabbing into a heap of dirt. That didn’t look good. Persephone’s gaze followed his.

“Life has not been kind to you, Adam.”

Adam swallowed thickly but didn’t answer. He was painfully aware of Gansey’s keen gaze burning into the side of his face.

“You’ve experienced a deep trauma. That is what the ten of swords is telling me. You also have the judgment card next to it. So you have been given a second chance. Have you recently moved?” Persephone asked.

“Yeah, actually.” He cleared his throat. “I moved to Connecticut for college.”

“Good for you, Adam.”

“So, um, what is this card?” He pointed to the final one.

“The magician,” Persephone told him.

“And what does that mean?” Adam asked her, and she smiled at him.

“When you need something done, you call a magician. The possibilities are endless, but that is only if you can let go of fears. Magicians are also connected to healing. Now isn’t the time to throw yourself into your studies and neglect emotional confrontation.”

Adam nodded numbly. Maura took out her own set of cards for Gansey to shuffle. He went through the same routine as Adam. Maura placed Gansey’s cards before him.

“You have drawn the knight of wands, the tower, and the page of cups. The knight of wands usually represent embarking on a journey. You’re looking for something in particular?”

Gansey leaned forward in his chair in slight interest. “Yes, I am. For years actually.”

The presentation and research for Glendower had always been intense, but Adam suddenly realized that their research had very little to do with the presentation and getting published in an academic journal. Glendower wasn’t for the prestige and the honor, Glendower was Gansey’s life. Adam didn’t know why he was so desperate to find him, or why Gansey needed Glendower like he needed air to breathe. He wondered what would happen if Gansey found Glendower. Would he just die because there was nothing else to live for?

“Well, I suspect that there will be new developments. The page of cups usually signals new beginnings, but this could be in other aspects of life, not just your journey. Lastly, there is the tower. You should beware disaster is coming, possibly with the arrival of a stranger.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Adam said.

“I don’t care about that,” said Gansey frankly, which took all the psychics in the room back. Adam wanted to chide Gansey for being rude, but he kept talking. “That was interesting,” Gansey said it in a way one would say about a story someone told them that wasn’t actually interesting at all. “I was actually wondering if you could give me information about the ley lines in Henrietta.”

“The ley lines?” Maura looked at him strangely. Adam didn’t blame her. Gansey was a strange character. Stranger than the Steve Martin portrait they had hung on the wall.

“Yes, the ley lines.” Gansey went into a descriptive explanation of what the ley lines were, and his suspicion of where specifically the ley lines could be.

“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that.” She said in a way that told Gansey and Adam that she definitely knew something about the ley lines and refused to help them.

“You can’t or won’t?” Gansey challenged.

“Gansey!” Adam said.

“You’re right. I won’t help you.”

“Well, that is quite alright then. Thank you for your services. My friend and I will be leaving. How much do we owe you for your time?”

Gansey paid the women, and the two boys walked out of 300 Fox Way.

“That’s was completely useless.’ Adam mumbled when they climbed into the car. He turned to Gansey in the driver’s seat of the Pig. His eyes were keen, and he looked alive more than ever.

“On the contrary, the psychics provided us with formative information. The ley lines are here, and something important must be on it if they are closely guarding it.”

“Or something dangerous.”

“Glendower is here. I just feel it.”

The Pig roared to life.

***

They managed the whole day in Henrietta without Adam running into anyone he knew. Granted, they spent most of the day in open fields and on the outskirts of forests with Gansey’s high tech gear looking for clues. They found nothing, but that didn’t derail Gansey who grew even more confident that they would find something the next time they drove down.

Adam didn’t know if there was going to be a next time with Gansey and him. He spent the entirety of his life trying to escape this hellhole. He never envisioned that he would return.

After a long day of hard work, note-recording, picture taking, and researching, they pulled up to a pizza joint that Adam instantly recognized as Nino’s. It was where the Aglionby boys would frequent after classes. Everyone in Henrietta knew that the Aglionby boys owned Nino’s. Adam hardly went to the restaurant. He couldn’t afford it most days.

The boys entered the restaurant and took a booth in the far corner. Adam’s knee bounced incessantly under the table, and he couldn’t help but glance up every time the doorbell rang, signaling an entrance or departure. Halfway into dinner, Gansey dropped his pizza back onto his plate and asked, “What is the matter with you? You’ve been acting strangely all day since we got here. I would even use the word jittery to describe your behavior.”

“Gansey,” Adam sighed, but he never got to finish the rest of his sentence.

“Y’all gotta be kiddin me! Is that Robert Parrish’s lil boy?” A woman’s voice called out from across the restaurant. Adam recognized the thick country accent. Gansey and Adam’s heads turned in sync. It was Ms. Jody, the woman who stayed in the trailer next to him. She was an unmarried woman with two sons, a few years younger than Adam. Sometimes she would let her mutt wander into the Parrish’s yard. His dad hated it, but Adam never minded because Buttercup kept him company.

“Oh. Hey, Jody.” Adam offered an uneasy smile and stood to let Ms. Jody pull him into a bone-crushing hug. All while, he could feel Gansey’s hot gaze on his back.

“Have you been home this entire time, Adam? ”

“Um, I’m just in town for the day,” Adam said uncomfortably. “What are you doing here?”

“I was pickin up dinner. I have to say that I’m surprised to see you. Your daddy been tellin the whole town that you turn your back on them and left for that big fancy school of yours. They haven’t heard from you since. I hope that ain’t true. Your parents are good hardworkin Christian folk, and you should never forget where you come from.”

Adam wanted to tell her that was a lie. His parents weren’t good people, and neither was she. How many days had she seen Adam sporting bruises on his face and quickly glanced away? She could have helped him, but she did nothing. The words wouldn’t come. His mouth felt rubber and boneless, and he could hardly tell her that he hadn’t been home. Ms. Jody gave him a long stare and shook her head as if it was a shame. As if he was the wrong one. The guilty one.

Her gaze followed Gansey, taking in his pristine appearance with a hint of suspicion and apprehension. It was the look that the people of Henrietta reserved for Aglionby boys. Gansey didn’t wait to be introduced. He stood and stretched out his hand.

“I’m Gansey, Adam’s–” He hesitated, and quickly glanced at Adam. “–friend. We study at Yale together. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jody. This is a charming little town that you have here.” He flashed her a dazzling smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, but nevertheless, the effect worked just the same.

Ms. Jody remembered her manners and returned the handshake.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Gansey,” She said before releasing his hand. She turned her gaze back to Adam.

“I should go. The boys are waitin in the car, but come visit us at the trailer park sometime soon. Don’t be a stranger.” She said before leaving the restaurant.  

An uncomfortable silence lingered at their table. Adam stared forward, avoiding Gansey’s gaze. He swallowed as his chest constrict painfully. He tried to tell himself that it didn’t really happen. Ms. Jody didn’t just expose him as a fraud, as the white trailer trash he was.

“Adam.”

“We should go before it gets dark,” Adam said, as he pulled out his wallet and slapped money on the table with more force than he had meant to and left the restaurant. Gansey ran after him.

“Adam, wait!” He pulled on his coat sleeve, spinning him around until they were face to face in the Nino’s parking lot. Adam flinched away from him. “Could we at least talk about this? Why didn’t you just tell me? Did you think I would judge you for this?” Gansey gestured around.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Adam stuffed his hands into his pockets, avoiding Gansey’s stare.

“No. We’re not doing that anymore. What the hell is going on, Adam?” He demanded in his Richard Gansey the III voice, the one that commanded authority. Adam hated it.

“I don’t have to tell you anything because, you know what, Gansey? The world doesn’t revolve around you,” he seethed, quietly.

“I’m not trying to make this about me. I just want to understand. Obviously, something happened to the point that you don’t want to go home…” Gansey gently hedged the topic as if he was walking on glass.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so just shut up!” Adam snapped, and Gansey stared at him with parted lips, stunned.

“Look at yourself. You’re like some cornered animal, scared and==”

“Stop! You don’t get to psychoanalyze me.” He sneered. “You’ve only known me for a few months. You don’t know me.”

“You’re right. I don’t know who the real Adam Parrish is because you don’t give anyone the chance. You just sweep your secrets under a rug and pray that no one looks underneath.” Gansey glanced down, and he swallowed thickly before he looked up at Adam with an uneasy expression. “Adam, were you ab– I mean…are your parents the reason why you can’t hear out of your left ear?” Gansey asked. It was finally out there, and though Gansey only asked about his ear, Adam knew that this was so much more than that.

“How do you know about that?” Adam had never told anyone about his left ear.

“You always walk on my left side, and you’ll turn your right ear towards someone if you can’t quite hear them. There were other things…” Gansey said quietly. Adam felt so exposed. He thought no one would know about the scars Robert Parrish left on him, but Adam had been wearing his scars for everyone to see this entire time.   

“You want to know who the real Adam Parrish is?” Adam asked in a careful and controlled voice. “Sure, what do you want to know about me?”

“Adam–”

“No, what do you want to know about? That I lived in a shitty trailer with no money? That my dad beat the living fuck out of me for eighteen years while my mother just stood around and let him? That, yes, my dad punched me so hard that I fell down the stairs and lost my hearing? That I have worked myself to death with three jobs on top of school to make sure that I got out of this stupid town with these stupid people! So there, now you know the real Adam Parrish, the freak show that was my life. We all can’t be as spit and polished as you are.”

“Adam–” Gansey looked horrified by Adam’s admission.

“Not everyone gets to grow up in fancy boarding schools, shaking hands with senators and sprouting out the most condescending and pretentious words known to mankind. And we’re definitely not all fortunate to go traipsing around the world because we have the time and money to waste chasing dead Welsh guys. Some of us work for a living because we have real problems. So congratulations, you won the fucking lottery!” Adam shouted. Gansey flinched at the scathing words.

“Is that what you really think of me?”

“Yes,” replied Adam.

Gansey didn’t say anything else. They stood in an unnatural silence, and Gansey looked at him with a soft and wounded expression as if Adam was a sheet of glass threatening to shatter everywhere. Adam’s body shook with rage. He wanted to scream and hit something until his voice was sore and his knuckles were bruised and bloodied. If there was anything Adam hated more than that authoritative voice, it was that soft and pitying look that Gansey cast him.

“You don’t get to look at me like that, like I’m a thing to be pitied. I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t want your damn pity.”

“I wouldn’t have to look at you that way if you didn’t act so pathetic.” Gansey snapped, and the words struck Adam down in the chest. Gansey’s eyes went wide, and he cupped his hands over his mouth as he realized that what he said had crossed the line. “Wait, Adam–”

Adam gaped openly at him for a moment before storming out of Nino’s parking lot. Gansey jogged after him, calling his name. Adam didn’t stop or look back to see if Gansey was there long after he stopped calling after him. He didn’t know if he could trust himself not to swing out and hit something. Adam distracted himself with theories of natural law and Latin legal maxims until he couldn’t feel his anger anymore, just shame. A few minutes later, Adam heard the roar of the Pig pulling up next to him. Gansey rolled down the passenger window and called out to him.

“I’m sorry,” Gansey yelled over the Pig’s engine. Adam kept walking. “Come on Adam, I’m not leaving you here. Where do you have to go? Please… just get in the car. You don’t have to talk to me after this ever, but let me take you back to Washington.” Adam stopped, and the Pig slowed to a stop next to him.

They didn’t speak a single word on the way back to Washington DC.

***

The past two days in the Gansey household had been unbearable. Despite the Gansey’s gracious hospitality, Adam found being in the house suffocating while Gansey and he were still fighting. He spent most of the time out in the city at museums and parks. When he wasn’t exploring, he read the Goblet of Fire. He was in the middle of the novel one night when his phone buzzed next to him. It was a tiny, ancient thing but it got the work done.

“Hello?”

“Parrish, ole buddy, ole pal!”

“Henry?” Adam asked.

“The one and only,” Henry replied, and Adam could hear the smile in his voice. “So how are the holidays with the Gansey’s? I’m bored out of my mind here! Have you guys accidentally conveniently shared a bed together yet?”

“What?”

“You know how in every fanfiction where two guys go out of town together, they conveniently end up sharing a bed together.”

“I don’t read fanfiction…”

“That’s a shame. We’re going to have to do something about that when you get back. Me? I’m a big Drarry lover. I was thinking when my sweet blonde lover and I finally get together, we could dress up as Drarry for Halloween and go make out on the steps of one of these old Hogwarts looking buildings on campus.”

“Drarry?” Adam asked. “Is that suppose to be Harry and Draco?”

“Yes, and It’s the best love story known to mankind after mine.”

“You don’t even know this guy’s name. You’ve barely talked to him. He’s just some guy who skates everywhere around campus. He could be a ghost for all we know.”

“Well, you are wrong about one thing, Adam Parrish. With all the free time on my hands, I was able to find him on Facebook. I had to go through all the members of our class Facebook page, but I found him. Noah Czerny.”  

“I’m impressed,” Adam said because it was the truth. Henry had the patience to carefully comb through thousands of Facebook profiles.

“Damn right, but that was like the second day of break. Gansey hardly responded to my text about it.” At the mention of Gansey, Adam abruptly remembered that the two were roommates and close friends. Henry never called Adam on his phone. He mostly texted.

“Why are you calling?” Adam asked suspiciously.

“I told you I was bored.”

“It’s been two weeks into the break and you’re calling now?”

“Okay you got me,” said Henry. “I’ve been busy playing the three of us on Sims 4. We share an apartment together. Gansey got probed by an alien, so the two of you are raising Gansey’s bastard child, but you’re quite happy together–”

“What did Gansey tell you?” Adam asked aggressively. “He put you up to this, didn’t he?”

“Woah, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Did something happen? Did you two get into a fight or something?” Henry’s airy tone evaporated quickly, and Adam realized by the sudden shift that Henry hadn’t called on Gansey’s behalf. He felt stupid all of the sudden. Adam sighed into the phone.

“I screwed everything up.” That was what Adam did. He ruined things, taking all that was good and pure and making it ugly. He thought of Gansey’s broken expression. Adam had done that because he couldn’t control this malignant compulsion inside of him that clawed and scratched and bit at everything that showed him a hint of kindness. He didn’t deserve for good things to happen to him like Yale and Henry and Gansey.

Adam told Henry about two days ago. The drive to Henrietta, the psychic visit, Nino’s, the argument in the parking lot, and the ugly things he said to Gansey. He left out most of the details about his personal life. He didn’t think that he was strong enough to tell Henry any of that.

“Jesus,” Henry swore into the phone.

“You probably think I’m the worst person.”

The line went silent for a very long time, and for a moment, Adam’s worst fears were confirmed.

“Have you ever been kidnapped?”

Henry’s voice was oddly light for the question. Overall, it was a strange question for Henry to spring up at the moment.

“No,” he said.

Another long silence followed before, “I was kidnapped once. I was ten.”

“Shit Henry. That’s…” Adam didn’t have the words. What words could he say to something like that without sounding cheap? “Awful.”

“Don’t feel too sorry for me, Parrish. They brought me back, didn’t they?” To Adam’s horror, Henry even laughed at his own joke

“I was locked in a dark hole for days with no human contact. I screamed myself sore. At the time my parents were in two different countries, so getting a hold of them wasn’t easy.”

“How did your parents find you?” Adam asked quietly.

“Oh, the kidnapper made me record a video for my mom, detailing all the things they were going to do to me if she didn’t pay the ransom. My mom is a badass though, told them that she didn’t pay for damaged goods and hung up in their face. They struck a decent deal and came to an agreement. I came back mostly unscathed.” By the end of that, Henry sounded winded. Adam couldn’t see his face, but he knew that whatever expression he wore, it contradicted the airiness of his voice. Adam closed his eyes shut and squeezed the phone in his hand.

“How are you so casual about this?”

“I’ve had years to process this Adam. I am claustrophobic because of…you know, well, I use to be. It’s gotten better. It gets better with time.” Henry said.

“Why are telling me this?”

“Because we’re haunted people, Adam. Everyone is carrying some kind of trauma on them, but we don’t have to let that trauma define us. You get to do that for yourself. Look at yourself and everything you have accomplished. You made it to Yale all on your own on a full tuition. You’re an ace student. And you’re a big fancy hot shot that everyone wants to bone. So cut yourself a break.”

“I’m not a hot shot,” Adam mumbled into the phone.

“Parrish, where the fuck have you been? Everywhere we go, the girls drool over you. The boys too. Please tell me you’ve noticed how much your roommate wants to bone that sweet body of yours, right?”

“Tad?” Adam asked disbelievingly and opened his eyes. “He’s straight.”

“Sure Jan.” Henry snorted into the phone. For the first time in several days, Adam laughed.

The line went silent again, and Adam debated with himself in the silence. His stomach rolled unpleasantly at what he was about to do. He had to say the words. If he could say the words, maybe they wouldn’t feel like a heavy weight dragging around his feet.

“Henry.”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t hear out of my left ear.”

“Yeah, I know, Adam,” said Henry softly.

“My dad did that. I was–” Adam swallowed and despite the fact that his tongue felt like lead, he forced himself to say the words.“I was physically abused for eighteen years.”

It was the first time he had ever spoken the words.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah.”

***

“Wow Adam, you clean up well.” Helen whistled as she passed him in the hallway, her eyes raking across his body. Adam’s face grew warm under her compliment. Helen was a beautiful woman, her smile just as charming and her eyes just as keen as her brother’s. It must be a trait passed down from generation to generation.

“Thank you.” He accepted her compliment. “Do you know if Gansey is in his room?”

“I’m assuming that he’s still there. I haven’t seen him roaming the halls yet,” Helen said. She took a few steps down the hall before she paused and turned back towards Adam. “Find me during the party. Maybe we can share a drink together?”

Adam almost told her that he didn’t drink, but it felt rude to refuse her. She never said that it had to be an alcoholic drink, and he was sure that there would be non-alcoholic beverages downstairs.

“Sure thing.”

Helen’s lips curled into a sharp smile before she strutted down the hall. He went his separate way. Adam stood outside Gansey’s door for a while, debating whether to knock. It had been three days now, and they hadn’t spoken a word to each other. Things needed to stop, and if that meant that Adam needed to swallow his pride and apologize first, then he would do that.

Adam knocked hesitantly on the door before he heard a muffled, “Come in,” from the other side. Adam twisted the knob and let himself in.

Gansey stood in front of a full-length mirror, working on his tie. When his eyes caught Adam’s in the mirror, the fabric slipped from his fingers. They stood there just watching the other, waiting for one of them to make the first move. Finally, Gansey cleared his throat.

“Come in and sit. You can close the door.” He motioned to Adam before he resumed tying his tie in the mirror. Adam closed the door before he took a seat on the edge of the bed and watched Gansey in the mirror.

He looked good in his tailored navy suit. The jacket wrapped snug around the muscles of his arms. The crisp sky blue button-down that he wore brought out the hazel in his eyes. His tie matched his suit, and his shoes were a nice black oxford. He looked like a model straight out of those magazines with the men and their the big gleaming watches. Before Adam could calculate how much that entire outfit must cost, he shut down the thought in favor of just admiring Gansey in the mirror. Their eyes met again, neither sure of how to proceed from here.

“I’m sorry,” Gansey said first before Adam could get the words out. “I shouldn’t have called you pathetic. I wanted to say that the moment you got in the car, but I didn’t think you would want to talk to me. You’re not pathetic. I mean, you’re a survivor of abuse and that makes you one of the strongest people that I know, to endure something like that for so long.” Gansey turned to look at Adam. “You’re not just strong. You’re ambitious and you’re hardworking and you’re so clever and witty. And you make me laugh all the time. After everything that you’ve been through, you can still laugh at things.”

Adam decided to take Henry’s advice and cut himself a break. Despite his many flaws, and Adam had a lot, Gansey thought he was intelligent and clever and witty and hardworking and strong. It warmed Adam all over that Gansey saw those things when he looked at him.

“I’m sorry too,” Adam said. “I said some awful things to you. It was insensitive to think that you don’t suffer from real issues…because you have money. I was embarrassed, and I took out my frustrations on you…which wasn’t fair. Not to mention that I said searching for Glendower was a waste of time, so I guess we have to find him now so I can apologize to him too.”

This made Gansey laugh before he moved towards the bed and sat on Adam’s right side. They sat in a calm silence before a question came to Adam.

“You’ve never told me why you’re looking for Glendower. I always assumed that you were going to ask him for a wish, but why Glendower?”

“You don’t know this about me, but I have a severe allergy to wasps. One sting and I could die.”

Adam swore under his breath, but Gansey continued.

“Years ago, I accidentally step on a wasp nest out in the woods–” As Gansey told the story, his breath hitched and grew uneven as he recalled the memory. “They were too many to count, and honestly, I should be dead, but when I was laying on the ground, I swore I heard a voice, and it told me that I would live because of Glendower.” Gansey paused, and the room fell into a hushed silence. Adam didn’t know how to process the story. The skeptic part of him would chalk this up to delirium from being stung by hundreds of bees. The other part of him–the part infected with Gansey’s eccentric enthusiasm–wondered if maybe magic did exist out there in this chaos of life.That maybe there were more important things in life than wealth and status…

“Glendower saved my life, Adam. So that means I have to find him, right? That’s why I’m here. To find him.”

“What happens when you find Glendower?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s something we’ll have to find out when we get there. That is… if you still want to continue this beyond the comparative mythology conference.”

Glendower meant returning to Henrietta.

“I want to find Glendower,” Adam said quietly. “I also left Henrietta for a reason because… I’m afraid of being stuck, tethered to this awful place and can’t escape.”

“I don’t know if you realized this, but you left Henrietta twice, without hardly looking back. That means that you can keep leaving. You could go anywhere, do whatever you want. You’re the–what did Persephone say?” Gansey took a moment to think about it, but Adam instantly recalled the word.

“The magician.”

“Yeah, Like Glendower.” Gansey smiled, the lines on his face grew soft. “That means the possibilities are endless for you.”

He reached out and grazed the shell of Adam’s deaf ear with gentle fingers. Adam closed his eyes, and something in the kind gesture made his breath hitch and his stomach flop and his face blush and his insides go to jelly. When Adam finally opened his eyes, Gansey was staring back at him. Their lips were so close, and Gansey cupped Adam’s face in his hands before his lips curled into a nervous smile. Adam watched as he leaned in, but instead of kissing Adam’s lips, he kissed the shell of his ear, feathery soft. Then he kissed under his earlobe. And then he kissed his neck. Adam’s eyes fluttered closed, and then Gansey lips were everywhere, his chin, his nose, his forehead, his eyelids, the freckles sprawled across his cheeks. Gansey lips were warm. They were tender. They seeped into Adam’s skin and whispered words of wonderment and worship and want.

Overwhelmed and choked on emotions, Adam could stand no more of it. He grabbed the front of Gansey’s suit jacket and crushed their mouths together. Gansey’s mouth fell open on his, and he made a soft murmur of approval in the back of his throat as Adam kissed him ardently, ravenously as if Gansey was the last drop of water in the desert.

They pulled apart, both flushed in the face and panting. Gansey looked a lot less like those older models posing on those magazines and a little more like a teen boy his age should. Gansey stood to go look at himself in the mirror and smoothed out his suit jacket. He turned back to Adam. “Your tie is crooked.”

He walked over to fix Adam’s red tie. When he was finished, his hands lingered. Adam could feel his heart racing in his chest.

A sharp knock sounded at the door that made the boys jump apart.

“Hey Dick,” said Helen. “Mom needs you downstairs soon. So hurry up!” They could hear her footsteps fading down the hall.

“I guess we should go downstairs,” Adam said, standing. “Do you maybe want to talk later?” Adam asked, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “About this…” He gestured between them.

“God yes!” Gansey said eagerly before clearing his throat and composing himself. “I mean, yeah. Maybe after the party… if you’re not too tired.”

Adam smiled. “You do realize that it’s New Year’s Eve? The earliest anyone will be leaving this party is one.”

“You’re right. Then let me take you for coffee at Kramerbooks in the morning… for a first date?” Gansey suggested.

“And we’ll talk?”

“And maybe do a little more than talking.” Gansey’s hand slid down the front of his tie.

“You mean purchase books and find a nice corner to read in for a few hours?”

“Yes Adam, that’s exactly what I mean.”

***

The last of their audience members filed out of the presentation room, chattering eagerly among themselves. Henry turned to them, grinning broadly before he pulled both Adam and Gansey in for hugs.

“Congratulation!” Henry said as he pulled back. “The old lady on the front row left with a bigger boner for Glendower than Dick III over here.”

“Henry, You can’t just say the word–” Gansey gave a cautious look around before he whispered. “–boner in public.”

Henry laughed along with Adam.

“Adam please tell your very ancient boyfriend that it’s not the fifties anymore. The cops are going to arrest you if you say penis out loud.”

Adam shrugged at Gansey as if to say what can you do about it, and Gansey shook his head disapprovingly. Adam grinned. He was dating an old grandpa.

“Why must everything be about penises with you Henry?” Gansey asked.

“If Shakespeare made a living telling dick jokes, so can I. ”

“He has a point,” Adam said, and Gansey turned to him.

“Are you just going to be Henry’s amen corner all day?”

“You’re just jealous of the profound connection Adam and I have. Sure, I’m not sticking my tongue down Adam’s throat like you are, but it’s still a strong connection.” Henry said, and to that, Gansey choked on air while heat and color gradually spread over Adam’s ears, neck, and face.

“Henry, please stop talking,��� Gansey quickly distracted himself with the conference itinerary book. His book was tabbed and color-coded with notes in the margins. Months ago, Adam would have found the behavior obnoxious, but now it had grown on him to be endearing and so painfully Gansey.

The three of them started to make their way out of the presentation room, wandering without a destination.

“There is a presentation on metaphors and mythical languages that start in fifteen  minutes.” Gansey looked up at Henry and Adam hopefully.

“We should go,” Adam said.

“Sure, but I’m taking a long nap after this.” Henry yawned. “This eight am is kicking my ass this semester. Who thought it was a good idea to take political science at eight in the morning?”

“That was your idea, Henry. It was the only class all three of us could take together.” Gansey replied.

“You’re an insomniac, and Adam thrives off of exhaustion. Eight o'clock in the morning looks well on you guys. This–“ Henry gestured to himself. “–takes a lot of time and hair gel.”

“You do look like a baby mandrake first thing in the morning,” Adam smirked. Henry’s jaw fell open, and Gansey failed horribly at stifling a laugh.

Henry composed himself, narrowing his eyes at Adam. “I made you, and I can destroy you. I’ll spoil The Deathly Hallows for you, I swear.”

“You will no such thing!” Gansey gasped, horrified.

“That would be a real dick move. I was going to start tonight, now that I have some free time.”

“From Glendower?” Henry snorted, turning to face Adam as they walked up the stairs.  “You’re apart of the cult now. Trust me, there is no escaping Glendower–”

Before Adam could warn Henry to watch out, he walked directly into another person. Henry stumbled on the stairs, and the stranger grabbed him by the arms and pulled Henry up straight.

“Sorry! I should have been paying attention.” The strange boy said. He had skin the color of fresh milk, mischievous blues eyes, and blonde hair that had been combed back. Henry stared at him as if he saw an apparition, and his mouth hung open for an embarrassingly long time. When Henry didn’t respond at all, the boy grew distressed, inching backward. “Again, sorry.” He awkwardly shuffled around them before continuing down the stairs.

It didn’t take Adam long to piece together what happened.

“So that’s him, huh?” Adam asked.

“That’s…the love of my life. I’m going to marry that boy.” Henry said.

“You have nice taste. I approve,” said Gansey.

Adam turned to his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow. “Should I be concerned?”

Gansey smiled. “Let’s be honest. Out of the two of us, I should be worried. Who else is going to debate with me over whether Shakespeare or Marlow is the better playwright?”

“Definitely Marlow.” Both Henry and Adam said at the same time.

“See, that is where you’re incorrect…” Gansey launched into his tirade as the trio climbed up the stairs together. They argued passionately back and forth on their way to the next presentation.

Months ago, Adam would have been horrified by his pretentious behavior. But today, he didn’t mind how nerdy or pretentious the three of them were together because he was finally learning what it meant to be comfortable in his own skin, flaws and all. Gansey’s affection or Henry’s kindness didn’t magically heal him because some days his trauma popped up unexpectedly like a game of whack-a-mole. But instead of beating it down in the ground for no one to see, Gansey and Henry’s friendship taught him how to carry his sorrow with him just like he carried his joy and his laughter and his few good memories. Some days, the load was heavier to bear than others. Today, however, Adam couldn’t ever remember feeling so free.

[sazzafraz]

All About Music...

So the full playlist is out now. I can’t say I’m very circumspect about what ends up on mine, it’s a combination of inspiration and atmosphere, but here is the basic rundown-

Rise Up (Intro) - Black Flies 

This is the essentials of the first arc which I’ve titled Air. It doesn’t have a very deep theme because it’s actually a left over from the original iteration of this universe. In that next-world-over fic ntfs was split into three parts following each member of Team 7 as they navigated adulthood. Basically everything that happened in the first quarter of this story was the entirety of Sasuke’s part of that one. I think only a few things -the mission in Wave was longer, we covered the mission Sasuke ran with some POW’s, Kabuto played a bigger role- changed when I decided to go this way instead.

It’s not a section I have too many deep insights into because it’s pretty much as it sounds. Rise Up is the momentary freeing of Itachi’s death. Hollow Moon was always primarily about Giri (I’mma make a deal with the bad wolf so the bad wolf don’t bite no more) with a few lines specific to Sasuke (the entire second verse). Dark Horses is literally the original name for this fic and what I was listening to when I wrote the entire first section in one sitting (minus Itachi’s burial scene. I re-wrote that fucker about a half dozen times). Mineshaft was a late comer to the playlist. I like the original better than the one on the playlist but Spotify doesn’t have that one. It’s more of a nod to the see saw of discovering how little you know compared to what you thought. 

Oh Woman, Oh Man and Gravel to Tempo are in this section because it brushes up against the first stirrings of actual agency our protagonist manages in possibly his entire life. Even if the decision is to not kill a child, to leave something hr can’t keep faith in, to travel on his own terms and to wander, not wonder. Small things compared to all the other shit he’s done. I love both of these songs as expressions of trying to figure out love/identity more than a direct correlation to the story. Black Flies is the response to that, and has moved around on this playlist a lot, but I like a less sad interpretation. It’s just acceptance that you’re neither as small or as big as you think.

Send Them Off! - This River Is Wild

I just realised that Rivers In Your Mouth is a few songs higher up then it should be, whoops. 

Send Them Off! is here for that awesome opening. I needed something in the playlist that sort of re-set the tone of the fic. The opening chapter of this arc, Water, is where we met Obito/Tobi/Madara for the first time and he kind of just deserves it. Hurricane is next and it’s a song that I debated about for legit months because it’s a bit much for any playlist to contend with. I put it on because would you kill to save a life is the roundabout question Tobi is trying to ask and Sasuke’s answer is both yes and no. Yes I would but not on your terms. Small Things through to End of the Affair are atmospheric. I love Ben Howard a lot and one of things I most admire is the emotional grip he has on his music. The Crow, What the Water Gave Me, History Has it’s Eyes on You and Queen of Peace actually all cover the same space in the story through Civil Affair.

The Crow is the character song for Sasuke. It is absolutely a corner stone of characterisation. Anger is just love, left out, turned into vinegar should be tattooed on my forehead that’s how much I’ve thought about that line. How could you get a more distilled understanding of this character then that? You wake up a stranger and learn how to live with her. And in the worst winters the whole thing feels untenable. I will point and quote entire sections of this song to prove my point. The version I prefer for this is actually the Castor, The Twin one. I’m not convinced the stripped back thing works for all of them but it takes The Crow to the best version of itself, a fast spoken poem that’s not afraid of itself, nor unkind.

The Lamb, An Act Of Kindness and This River is Wild are for the last chapter where we meet Karin and Sakura again. They don’t have a relationship song because I’ve never found one that says ‘I love you for the best of reasons and still against good judgement’. Nor one that says ‘the only thing I want here is to hurt you less than I already have’. History Has It’s Eyes on You is technically for Karin but has a wider meaning in the universe, so.

The Lamb is on my short list of songs about Itachi and Sasuke. The actual song is about abuse and it’s here on this playlist because I feel there’s a need to address the horror of Itachi’s high handedness (But blood is blood, and it’s beast is a burden). It’s here as a reference to the chapter before when Sasuke steps away from the family blood and the next chapter where he gets stuck again, moored in history he doesn’t know and can’t know, because his brother took that choice from him. I kind of recommend reading the lyrics for the song. 

This River is Wild is both about letting go and coming back around. It’s my song for Kakashi and Sasuke’s weird journey. 

Coda - End Credits

Oh man we aren’t even all of the way through this arc. This one is Fire. Coda is a palette cleanser, kind of just imagine you’re coming home after a long time, you’re in the car looking straight up, not noticing as you get closer and when you look down, bam! There it is. For better or worse. 

I Wanna Get Better is also the quote for this chapter. I miss the days of a life still permanent. In earlier drafts of this fic Sasuke actually had broken through his suicidality and was being a better person by this point. But it’s one of those great I wanna be this person songs, rather than I am this person. Warm Blood to Nothing Where Something Used to Be is allll about Naruto. The playlist of songs about them is too long. 

This is where Rivers In Your Mouth and No One Would Riot for Less come In. Also Limousine by Brand New which seems to have just disappeared off this playlist. I played Limousine three times while reworking the scene where Sasuke finds out what happened to his family. Especially for that end section of the song. No One Would Riot For Less is the aftermath as well as being beautiful in its own right. The ‘who fucking cares’ part of that chapter along with the answer that ‘he does, still, a little.’ Rivers In Your Mouth is a Top Ten song for me and the song for the Naruto and Sasuke relationship in this story. Remember this bit:  And you showed me hope amidst the harlequins in spring And you told me life was learning how to be your friend. As well as the walls he’s been beating himself against trying to come to terms with the world he lives in. 

Come at you from both sides of your mind Thick and thin these Walls you’ll always stand behind Are sick and tired Oh I beg for the world to change But it don’t No it ain't all you and that’s the thing

I love this song. A lot. 

This brings us up to what is published right now. I’ll go fix the songs that have slipped out of place. When we reach the end of the arc I’ll add the rest. 

I hope we’ve all learned about how much thinking about this universe eats my life.  

[andinewton]

Healing the Hurt - Avengers Redemption Series - Part Two - Chapter 25

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Amelia Richards (OFC), pretty much everyone from the MCU appears at some point!

Pairings: Bucky x Amelia (ofc)

Warnings:  Chronic pain, physical disability, implied smut, eventual smut, swearing, fertility issues, pregnancy, angst with a happy ending, Stark has a heart.

Word Count:  151372 (complete with additional epilogues added)

Summary: 
Everything is going well at Avengers Tower, Bucky is integrating into the team slowly but surely; he longs for his confidence back but knows it's going to be a long road, never more than when he meets the new secretary at his doctor's office.

Amelia Richards is a career SHIELD agent, recruited straight out of college into the "company" but now she finds herself passed around from department to department, her latest position as a secretary at Avengers Tower proving monotonous compared to her former life, but when James "Bucky" Barnes walks into her office one Friday evening everything changes…

Join Bucky as he rediscovers parts of himself he had thought long lost with someone who considered herself broken for a long time, helping one another heal in more ways than one…

Master List

Chapter 25

Summary:  Team Science go over the security footage.

‘Here, he did something on his phone, and…’ Amelia brought up on the floating screen Tony had set her up with one of HYDRA’s files. ‘One emergency Asset boot up. Could only ever be used once, according to the file, in extreme circumstances, but I still wouldn’t recommend we have the sound on, just in case.’ ‘An audio trigger?’ That was from Bruce Banner, who stood on one side behind her with Tony on the other. Steve and Bucky were opposite, completely out of their depth on what they had been discussing up until this point. ‘That’s pretty smart.’ They were set up in Tony’s office, which was covered in more components than any office should be, but was spacious and had access to all the tech they needed.

‘They buried it so deep I doubt it was common knowledge it existed.’ ‘And you dug this up?’ Tony checked. ‘It’s just part of the files I acquired for SHIELD over the years. Along with the shut down word.’ ‘Oh yeah, that.’ Tony smirked and spun the video feed ahead, showing her over Bucky’s shoulder and him suddenly collapsing on the stairs. ‘Jesus.’ Bucky muttered as he watched Amelia begin to roll down the stairs and she quickly shut the video off. ‘What exactly do HYDRA think you have for them to go to all this trouble?’ That was Tony again. ‘Could be a number of reasons, but if they wanted me dead I already would be.’ ‘Fuck.’ Bucky whispered and tried to walk away but Steve’s hand fell on his shoulder, keeping him where he was. ‘Not you, Buck,’ she explained, ‘Freddie had plenty of opportunities of his own.’ ‘I guess.’ He sighed. ‘So tell us what reasons they might want you?’ Tony suggested and she gave him a look that said he hadn’t thought that through. ‘Honestly? It could be because of all I took from them over the years, maybe they want to know how much I shared, but I doubt it as it was all dumped on the net.’ ‘Not all of it.’ Steve reminded her. ‘If they think you still have the USB drive from your last position that would explain it.’ She nodded. ‘If they don’t know what I took or that the drive was lost, they might want to know just what didn’t get dumped. I don’t even remember details, and I think you put a stop to everything I had details on when you took down von Strücker’s operation in Sokovia.’ ‘But they don’t know that. What if they think you have something else that they either need or don’t want us to have?’ ‘That would explain it, I still can’t help them though.’ ‘When did you lose the drive?’ Tony asked. ‘Years ago now. I’ve been off active duty since then.’ ‘With the data dump, even with the information you hid, they would have had time to have realised who you are, it would just be a matter of time for them to find you and establish some sort of contact.’ ‘I guess all we can do is hope they don’t have anyone else on the inside.’ Steve added, glancing at Bucky who didn’t seem to want to join in the conversation. ‘I need to leave this running for a while and I could do with a lay down for maybe half an hour?’ She looked between the men, her eyes finally finishing on Bucky. ‘Would you show me somewhere I can do that, if you don’t mind watching the program, Tony?’ ‘Take as long as you need.’ Tony said as Bucky brought her her crutch. ‘I’ll find you somewhere.’ He offered her his hand and she took it gratefully. ‘Thank you. Will you let me know if Freddie spills the beans?’ ‘With Nat down there giving it her best I doubt he’ll be long, but sure.’ Steve smiled as they left the room. ‘He’s got it bad.’ Tony commented, pulling a packet of craisins from his pocket. ‘And a good dose of guilt, unfortunately.’ Steve sighed as he leant on the desk. ‘I don’t quite know how we missed it, with both Wanda and,’ he sighed, ‘BARF, having helped clear his head, but if he didn’t know or remember it was there then it makes sense.’ ‘We need to have Wanda do a deeper probe.’ Steve said and Tony smirked at the accidental double entendre. ‘Sounds like my kind of movie.’ He replied. ‘But yeah, we can’t risk someone hitting an audio file and him losing his mind again.’ He reinitiated the security footage and ran it forward to Bucky holding her wrists, then her giving him a cock shot before kissing him. ‘And are we going to discuss just how brave that is? She attacked and kissed one of HYDRA’s most deadly assassins in the space of five seconds. Girl’s seriously got some skills to think to go from one to the other to try and break his programming, and if you watch his eyes the second one nearly worked.’ He slowed it down and Steve came around and watched as just for a second The Winter Soldier slipped out of Bucky’s eyes, softening and almost closing before the hardness returned when the alarms began. ‘Show this to Wanda, see if she can work with it.’ ‘I’ll call her.’ Bruce offered. Bucky held Amelia’s hand as he walked her towards The Avengers private rooms. ‘Tony didn’t assign you a room yet, so you can have your lay down on my bed, if that’s okay?’ ‘I actually get to see your room?’ She smiled up at him as though he were letting her in on some great secret. ‘You’ve always been welcome, but I didn’t think you’d want the rest of the team beating down the door to meet you.’ ‘It is less busy down on my floor, that’s true.’ ‘I just hope they leave you alone long enough you can rest.’ He glanced down before looking at her. ‘I’m sorry for what happened earlier.’ ‘Don’t apologise, Buck, there’s no need.’ She nudged him with her elbow where their hands were still joined. ‘This is HYDRA’s fault, not yours.’ ‘I know.’ He sighed. ‘I’m going to make it up to you, if I can.’ ‘Let’s just try and move on and not let HYDRA get even a small victory over us.’ She suggested. ‘That sounds like a good idea.’ He smiled at her and it lit up his whole face. He opened the door to his room and realised the curtains were still drawn, but he paused before turning on the light. ‘Do you want it dark, doll? See if you can sleep?’ ‘I’d rather not sleep again yet.’ She shook her head. ‘I think when it hits me it’s going to be hard and there’s things I need to be doing.’ ‘Okay, let me just get the drapes.’ He let go of her hand and strode across the room, letting in the weak winter sunshine. Amelia was surprised by how bare his room was, as though he hadn’t dared personalise it too much. His bed sat in the middle of the opposite wall with a simple nightstand containing a light and clock. The furniture, while homely, looked almost uniform, almost like a hotel room, the only thing marking it as his being a backpack by the wardrobe door, a single notepad on the desk with a few pens in a Stark Industries mug, and the lingering scent of his aftershave which made her smile. It didn’t look lived in but it still smelled like him. ‘Make yourself at home, I’ll leave you in peace.’ He fluffed the pillows as she came towards him. ‘I’d rather you stayed, if you don’t mind? Maybe we can talk?’ She stopped on the opposite side of the bed to him. ‘If you want.’ She nodded. ‘Please.’ She slipped off her shoes and sat on the side of the bed, laying her crutch on the floor. ‘Steve suggested I tell you this, because I’ve been avoiding it. I don’t know why, I think to protect you, but you might find out eventually and I don’t want you to think I’m hiding anything else from you.’ ‘This sounds ominous.’ He said, his voice light although it implied more was going through his head. ‘Not ominous, not really.’ He leant over the bed and arranged the pillows so she could rest against them. ‘Get comfortable, sweetheart, you’re meant to be resting while we talk.’ She nodded and shifted onto the bed with her legs out in front of her, her back and neck supported, and he sat by her hip, bending one knee on the bed so his thigh was pressed to her. ‘It’s about how I got hurt, and when.’ ‘Are you going to tell me HYDRA did this to you?’ He looked worried and she held her hand out to him and he took it with his metal one, letting her rest their joined fingers on his thigh. ‘In a roundabout way, yeah.’ ‘They found you out?’ She shook her head, her chestnut hair brushing around her shoulders. ‘I think they eventually knew, because of SHIELD being HYDRA and vice versa, but I was recalled with my last data dump, the USB Steve mentioned, and I was at The Triskelion when everything went down.’ She watched as the skin around his eyes tightened, his nostrils flaring slightly with his breath, and the plates in his fingers shifted against her skin as he tensed. ‘You were in the Triskelion?’ ‘Yeah. Then I was under part of the Triskelion.’ ‘You could have been killed.’ He said quietly. ‘In the early days I wished I had been.’ She admitted for the first time to anyone, just how low she had been in the immediate aftermath. ‘But you can’t do that, you can’t wish not to exist just because life threw you a curve ball. You get up and you fight, and if you fall you get up and fight again, because the alternative may bring an end to it but it would have meant I lost, in the long run. I’m not a quitter, at anything. I learnt my limits, learnt everything I could about what damage was done, what I could expect and what I could do to help myself. It took a long time, lots of mindfulness classes, physical therapy, even management of different medications, and I bounced back as far as I could, learnt my new normal, and if I hadn’t I never would have met you, so it can’t be all bad, right?’ She offered him a hopeful smile, willing him to see there was a bright side. ‘So, what you’re trying to tell me is if HYDRA, and me, hadn’t destroyed the Triskelion, we never would have met?’ ‘Yeah.’ She nodded. ‘That’s a hell of a bright side to argue against.’ He curled his lip slightly, realising she had him over a proverbial barrel. If not for that they wouldn’t be sitting here now. ‘So let’s not argue. Let’s just agree it’s a really fucked up thing to have a relationship stem from but stranger things have happened.’ He closed his eyes and shook his head as he smiled. ‘I’d rather you hadn’t been hurt but how can I dispute it?’ ‘You can’t.’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t want you to overthink this, I nearly didn’t tell you at all, but Steve wanted me to make sure you knew. He has this crazy notion you like me.’ ‘Punk’s always under-exaggerating.’ He smiled and moved closer to her. ‘I guess if you don’t blame me, I won’t either.’ ‘I don’t blame you.’ She shook her head and his flesh hand came up to cup her cheek. ‘Okay.’ He leant in and kissed her softly, the barest of touches but it had her stomach butterfly all the same. ‘I’ll let you get some rest.’ He said as they parted. ‘Unless,’ she swallowed her nerves, ‘you know, you want to join me? I think I could do with a hug after this morning.’ ‘You want me to…?’ He pointed to the pillows beside her, uncertainly. ‘If you don’t mind?’ He grinned at her. ’Doll, there’s nowhere I’d rather be.’ She smiled for him and it stirred emotions he had only felt since she came into his life, a lightness to his heart despite all that had happened that morning. He removed his boots and they rearranged the pillows, taking several minutes to find the most comfortable position, which was with each of them on their sides facing one another, Amelia’s cheek on his bicep, her head tucked under his chin, his arms around her holding her close, her lower arm pressed against his chest and the other draped around his waist. ‘Maybe I’ll change my mind about that nap.’ She murmured as a yawn tried to escape her. ‘Take as long as you need, darlin’.’ He murmured, feeling a sense of calm he hadn’t felt himself in some time, a feeling of belonging and acceptance. ‘Maybe five minutes.’ She breathed as her eyes drifted closed and Bucky could tell the exact moment she fell asleep, her body relaxing despite the tenseness that ran through her muscles. He kissed the top of her head and laid there, listening to her gentle breathing, marvelling at the effect she had on him.

Chapter 26

[oumakokichi]

ok I just got through the 4th trial. Ouma backing Gonta into a corner so viciously was... kinda scary. The entire time, he takes the lead, even more prominently than Saihara. At one point he literally says 'so, the culprit is Gonta.' Later on, he meticulously clears everyone of suspicion until only Gonta remains. His aggressive demeanour is scary and also pretty sad, bc the others would never accept the truth otherwise. Idk what I want out of this ask, I just wanted to get that off my chest lol

The Chapter 4 trial hurts so much. Much of themisinformation that was floating around about it at first caused people to feelbad for one character or the other who was involved, but I find myself stillfeeling pretty miserable for every character involved: Miu, Gonta, and Ouma allgot a super shitty hand in that trial, and it’s true that none of it would havehappened without the killing game itself prompting this kind of tragedy.

The trial itself is absolutely bone-chilling and featuressome of the most incredible voice-acting moments in the whole game (in myopinion), and the points at which Ouma starts pressing are…pretty damnterrifying. There were a lot of scenes prior to this where I’d already beenthinking of ndrv3 and Ouma both in very Umineko terms, but this was the trialthat pretty much cemented it for me, because there was almost nothing more Umineko-likethan watching Ouma have to shoot down every single possibility with his own “redtruth” in order to force the group to accept that Gonta was the culprit.

As a short recap for those unfamiliar with or new toUmineko, the red truth is a gimmick within the murder mystery game in whichevery statement stated in red font is an undeniable truth without room fordenial, complaint, or rebuttal, and with no need for actual physical proof tobe presented. It’s to be taken as word-of-god “truth” and provide key clues andfacts—because if you had no proof at all that something was the truth, then you’dunderstandably wind up doubting every word out of your opponent’s mouth.

Of course, that’s not to say that the red truth can’t beused as a super tricky gimmick in its own right. By phrasing it very particularlyor only confirming a certain truth rather than the whole thing, there’s a lotof room for loopholes or workarounds. Everything stated in red is the truth,but there’s a lot to read into what’s notbeing said in red too.

This brings me back to Ouma. Ndrv3 and Umineko aren’texactly the same, of course, but I think anyone hearing this summary would beable to see exactly how this ties in with a character like Ouma, whose wordsare so often assumed to be lies and who absolutely everyone doubts every timehe opens his mouth.

And by and large, most of the time, this is fine with Ouma. He actually prefers “gentlelies” being left in place. As early as the very first character introductiontrailer for ndrv3, Ouma had lines such as “That’s what I call a gentle lie inorder to unify the group,” and “Half my lies are made out of kindness.” Theskill you gain by completing all his FTEs is literally called “gentle lie.” Andin the Chapter 4 trial, when the entire group starts pressing him to “comeclean” and berating him for dragging out the trial, he stops for a moment andquestions why they dislike lies so much even though there are many kinds oflies which are often told specifically in order to avoid hurting others.

Whatever the other characters or the player might think ofthe fact that Ouma lies, the fact that his lies are often associated withtrying to avoid very painful and horrible truths is an undeniable establishedpart of his character. He can and will either tell malicious lies or painfultruths himself if that’s what the situation requires—but he certainly doesn’tlike doing it, and he doesn’t tend to do so unless he absolutely has to.

From his perspective, lies are often preferable,specifically because they allow so many “infinitely changing possibilities.”Compared to a cold, hard truth, which is single and inflexible, lies can changeas many times as need be, and often be a source of comfort to people aroundthem. And it’s this particular outlook on lies, as well as Ouma’s innateunderstanding that lies can themselves become“reality” when they’re accepted as such by a wide array of people, that becomesparticularly central to the overall themes of ndrv3, particularly in Chapters 5and 6.

But in Chapter 4, Ouma undeniably finds himself in aposition in which the rest of the group refuses to believe anything he’ssaying. He’s clearly lying throughout much of the trial, but it’s all for thesake of prolonging the trial, stalling things, trying to bring the groupdiscussion to what needs to be done in a very roundabout way. He even offersplenty of comic relief very deliberately, including “he-said-she-said”arguments with Momota, and pretending to shake and be afraid when Himikothreatens to curse him, only to bounce back to being chipper.

However, since the group themselves refuses to acknowledgewhat he’s doing as being for anyone’s benefit but his own, he has to break outthe truth. And because no one will believe him otherwise, he does so in a waythat bears striking resemblance to the red truth gimmick in Umineko. Likeripping a band-aid off all at once, Ouma switches tactics midway through thetrial, going from playing dumb and being generally comedic and at ease to beingvery tired, very angry, and very much trying to end the whole thing as quicklyas possible.

Even when he point-blank states that “By the way, theculprit is Gonta,” no one believes him, of course. So he responds by ruling outevery single other possibility, and particularly proving how it was absolutelyimpossible for himself to have killed Miu. No matter how much the characters(or the players, for that matter) don’t like the facts, the truth is this, inred:  it was impossible for any otherperson but Gonta Gokuhara to have killed Miu Iruma. This is the point he triesto drill into all their heads, and it’s really by wielding this truth, ratherthan his usual lies, that he really begins stepping into his villain role.Because he understands very well at heart that there’s no better way to hurtpeople than with the truth.

One of the saddest parts about the whole trial too is thatbecause the others don’t believe it, even when presented with cold, hard,logical evidence, the whole thing still keeps taking much longer than itshould. Gonta suffers, he doesn’t understand what’s going on, and he becomeseven more emotional and bewildered the longer things go on, because Momotakeeps denying the proof set out before his eyes and relying on sheer belief,and Ouma keeps retaliating viciously against Momota and Gonta both, because hecannot afford any compassion at this stage, and he’s already steeled himself tothese brutal, cold tactics if it means being able to go on against the ringleadera little bit longer.

Ouma’s malicious treatment of Gonta is itself partly tosolidify his villain role, and partly because he wants to force the rest of thegroup to acknowledge that their blind optimism and belief in one another wasprecisely what led to this outcome. People, from Ouma’s perspective, cannot be trusted. They turn on you, nomatter how much you want to believe otherwise, just like Miu turned on thegroup, and just like he’s tuning on Gonta in order to keep himself alive.

The group’s emphasis on wanting to know “the truth” andacting as if it was such a positive thing is what angers him the most, becausein the end, this is what their truthis: something miserable and awful and painful, and something all of them would’vebeen better off without knowing. But they wanted to know it, and so he gives itto them with no more lies, and no more sugarcoating.

Only someone like Saihara, whose role as a detective is toseek the truth but also to understand the ways in which it can be used to hurtothers, can really break the truth in a much gentler way to Gonta, full ofcompassion. This is what he does by laying out the climax reasoning, and it’sone more step on his arc of character growth in trying to determine whether ornot it’s better to expose a painful truth or rely on lies.

Chapter 4 really, truly jumpstarts this ongoing dynamicbetween truth vs. lies. Certainly the dynamic had been there even in theearlier chapters, but from Chapter 4 and onward it just gets brought more andmore blatantly into focus. “Gentle lies” and “painful truths” remain a focal,vital point of ndrv3 all the way through the last chapter, and I feel like thepainful, raw nature of Chapter 4 as a whole did a great job in highlightingthese things. It just really hurts toread, because I feel bad for pretty much every single character involved.

[hgfstreamchats]

All Hallows’ Eve Stream

Hello! Also I AM getting the video What a good costume Testing, testing. Everything's fine over here! No, not the pumpkin! ...Can you see ME or is kast messing up in a new(?) and wonderful way I can see you, but only on a seperate console. That's... baffling. I'll reload There we are! Oh, Kast. Okay, there it is. ...Tell me I'm not invisible again. Oh no, I see you. Ahhh, good! Now that's real horror. Eh, it's probably better for him anyway. I'm sure it'll all work out. It'll be fien. Man, that room is HUGE Solid advice. If Prime had won the war. *shudder* I'm sure it'll be fine. Also fine. Soundwave gets along fine. Really, why did they even have forks ...Well, that's going to bother me forever. Subtle! Very! Who wrote THAT book It's very specific. Ugh. ... This is worse than anything in the episode itself. Does he.  think he's going to be able to eat that Got to admire his ambition, though. I'm questioning how he got it in or out of the house at all "Earth capital" sounds like something I would have believed and could still be convinced to. Heh. I'm still hung up over those Latin puns, those were clever. Hello all! Hi!

Hm new streaming site, never heard of this one It's totally awesome and not at all buggy. Zephra human! Hi Knock Out! I finally made it to a stream! Excellent! That just raises further questions! Nice save. Very nice. Ewww. sooo has the video started now? Try reloading It, uh.  It does that 'Cause I'm not getting anything on my end, I did that, I turned off my adblock and refreshed Or try clicking the leave button (top, to the right of the settings button) and coming back in Okay I'll try that How meta. So...the multiverse? ... Nope still nothin' I'm gonna try switching browsers Kast is a wretched thing. I'm on chrome I DO remember having this problem with Rabbit too, something about my adblock/settings wasn't letting me load video WHELP apparently Kast doesn't support Firefox at ALL, soo fun times Is a non-Firefox browser an option? I've only got Chrome and Firefox Don't you love how you have to have 4 different browsers installed for different websites that have different requirements for some reason? Oh yeah LOVE it It works on chrome for me, although not always on the first try My emulator's using chrome. Oh, THIS one Okay I'm gonna try messing around with my extensions and crossing my fingers Ha! Oh nice! The first one I turned off worked! I HAVE VIDEO WOO GLORIOUS! Woo! He didn't come in through the door... He came in through the living room Way to punch that ten-year old in the face, Hibbert Like they didn't already know. Doctor of the year. Truly. top 10 anime betrayals They know about the waffle incident. what a turn! Why is Dr Fink the only character that has a tiny counterpart? I mean, you can't prove he is She's not forcing them to barter for their dead children, she's already doing a better job than Primus. AH THIS ONE HAS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE JOKES That was mine. classic The best kind of conspiracy! The biggest hitch in their plan is that Homer would ever choose rum over beer True. The fish eyes make it. Still true Hah! TWIRLING TWIRLING TWIRLING T'WARDS FREEDOM FAVE Seconded! Other favorite! WHoopsie! Well, that's what elections are for! I remember that joke going over my head as a kid Alright, onto Rifftrax! 'why is NOT voting for the evil choses throwing your vote away?' *choices Hmmm Oh I thought it was one of those where it's just the sound and you're supposed to synch it up Vincent Price! These guys are sapping the fun out of having a chat open They keep riffing when WE'RE the ones who should be riffing A little, maybe We always find a way to slip in a few. True This is the setup to a murder mystery. If Opera has taught me anything watch out for the chandelier AHAAAAAAAAAAA "Why haven't you killed them yet, it's been five WHOLE minutes" There's an established population of Vincent Price humans living in the hills to this day. She def has the 'I'm on my own fourth husband and they all died from mysterious circumstances' 'Lol first degree murder jokes, the staple of any solid marriage' One of these characters is absolutely going to kill the other. I *was* joking, but... Yyyyeah. '... And welcome to Jackass' "haha it's almost like you're trying to reenact it or something" Just leave your hand there I love how he's like 'charming' when dude's being macabre like he hasn't been nothing but unsettling since he came onscreen Ew indeed. I love how she's all 'meh' about mysterious blood dripping on her out of nowhere "See, we even kept the acit fro some reason" You never know when you might need an acid vat. Waste not, want not. Why are you entertaining this jackass girl I'm secretly expecting no ghosts at all Just murder. Exactly I'm expecting no ghosts or they're all ghosts. Wait I'm changing my guess There ARE ghosts but exactly zero of them are killing people Oh right, that's the one from Scariest Movie Moments of All Time despite being no such thing. That's right hit on the host's wife that'll win you points at this party Try not to be TOO disappointed about not getting into her pants, Lance "you're going to be the star corpse!" fcuk my nose made a WEIRD snort at that 'does she miss being scared' joke Running and screaming was probably the right call to make. Tiny little coffins Hah! Wee little coffins. Sheesh. So the idea is they all kill each other trying to get a larger prize, huh. I'm sure the police would have no questions for them afterwards. Absolutely none. Yes, yes, you want to murder one another, we get it. NOT AT ALL Better get back to the scotch Still trying ot get laid eh Lance run at her with a severed head, THAT'LL CALM HER DOWN Nice knife dude There's very little haunting going on in this house. Clearly false advertising If they're doing karaoke they have to do some Scissor Sisters 'I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER YOU SHOULD LIVE OR DIE~' Pfff 'OH YOU'LL PROBABLY GO TO HEAVEN' 'PLEASE DON'T HANG YOUR HEAD AND CRY~' Oh NOW you're all suspicious and have questions about this bizzare situation Right? I'm half expecting they ARE actually all conected in weird roundabout ways ala The Clue Movie If the singing telegram lady doesn't show up I'm going to be bitterly disappointed. Same She's really just freaking out because it wasn't scotch Someone spilled wine in the room above. The real horror is the cleaning bill. ... the video being a butt for anybody else right now? Working okay for me mine was laggy and now it's totally frozen The sound's a little desynched but then it always is Oof I'll try refreshing if it's just me Well, that's not weird Okay looks alright now And finally, we have a ghost! if she was REALLY DEAD TO BEGIN WITH OOOOH I'm kind of leaning towards actual ghosts now, since otherwise I'm not sure how that rope trick would work maybe the same way the movie did it ...okay, fair point ...Actually I assume the movie could've done it by, like, pulling along on a thread and hiding the person pulling it via camera angles OHHHHHHHHHH DID I CALL IT You did! YYYYYYYEAH Yes let's spend as much time as possible in the acid room Never a dull moment in the acid room. okay so like why bother disposing of the body? Right? you didn't kill him, there was no direct evidence of your involvment That just raises MORE questions yes, move closer And then a skeleton popped out! Ha! BITCH IT'S A SKELETON WOULD YOU BE SCARED OF CALISTA FLOCKART? Covered in acid, though That is absolutely how those things work, I'm sure ...Hang on, what about the body the guy dumped in the pit the strings being visible actually being part of the plot is the biggest twist in this thing WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST ON GETTING AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE TO THE ACID VAULT?? To see the magical acidic secrets within! Skeleton - By Himself But is David S Pumpkins here! He will be, like scrap I'm letting this night go by without showing him. lolol Murderous animatronics? THAT'S never been done before "yeah I have some questions" Just a few. Deep lore! Well I'm certaily scared *certainly Aren't we all? How could you not be! Freddy Who? Jason whatshisname? All hasbeens compared to... Alright! Anything you'd like to see before we close out? If not, I'm content to close out on David Pumpkins. OOOOOOHHH DAVID S. PUMPKINS Any questions? I'm good, I need to do some dishes anyway Thanks for the stream, Knock Out! I gueeeess I should get dinner Thank you for coming! Always a delight to have you! Say hi to the fam for me, and happy Halloween! Thanks for hosting!  It's been... a treat. :) Of course! Happy Halloween! And to you!