#to pray and feel like I was talking to something outside myself

[just-a-little-moth]

yeah.

pspspspsps poetry mutuals come here... new quiz... making you the patron saint of something...

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

[snekdood]

No one accepted you and loved you unconditionally and instead of doing it for yourself you take it out on anyone who has figured out how to do it for themselves.

[strawberrykidneystone]

Hiiiiiii I know we talked about mechanic sevika buttttt can I request gym owner sevika?

I saw THIS and I couldn’t help myself 🤭

OMFG YES

gym owner sevika!!!

(fem reader, women’s only gym sorry)

unfortunately, your new year’s resolution was pretty basic

going to the gym!

you weren’t expecting to keep up with it like most of your other resolutions

until you met the owner

the first few times you went to the gym by your house, you didn’t think much of it

it was pretty basic, had all of the machines that you needed and a bored blue haired girl who sat in the reception area who was probably working there part time just for college. she was pleasant enough and the two of you had chatted a few times while you were on your way out.

but it was a women’s only gym, so you actually felt really comfortable in the atmosphere of the building

you usually went at night, but today you had a free morning so you thought you might as well get it over with

as soon as you tapped your card onto the outside sensor and opened the door, your knees almost buckled under you as you went to greet the usual blue haired girl who was replaced by a beautiful buff woman with a short black haircut, a shimmer prosthetic arm, and the most intense eyes gray you’ve ever seen

you nodded to her awkwardly when you made eye contact and stiffly walked over to the cubbies, shoving your bag into its usual cube

you shook you head to try and clear your mind, you were here to improve yourself not to stare at beautiful women!!

jumping up in the treadmill, you couldn’t help but steal a few glances over at the welcome desk

you prayed to all of the wlw gods that she was single

once you were done with your cardio, you headed over to the weight lifting stations and thanked the gym gods that your favorite spot was open. there wasn’t anything special about it, it’s just the one you usually went to and might’ve accidentally gotten an emotional attachment to it

you slide on the weights you needed onto each side of the barbell and secured them in with the clip, adding a little more weight than you usually did this time

ducking under the bar, you rested the bar on the sweet spot down the back of your neck and adjusted it to your liking

you reached up and under the bar, adjusting your grip until it felt right and just as you were about to lift the bar off the hooks, you saw a pair of sneakers step into your line of vision

as you slowly lifted your head, you took in the entire body of the ripped woman in front of you who was wearing nothing but gym shorts and a sports bra

you had to bite your tongue to keep from drooling over her defined muscles, her bulging flesh arm that crossed her prosthetic in front of her chest made you feel dizzy as you ripped your eyes away from them

once you met her gaze, those same piercing eyes that you met at the entrance you almost didn’t catch her question

“need a spot?”

“huh?”

“while you lift, do you need a spotter?”

“o-oh yes! yes please!”

sevika walked around and stood behind you

suddenly the room felt a lot hotter

this was totally normal right? she was probably a personal trainer here or something!!!

having her behind you was definitely a comfort, usually you did your lifting on your own but knowing that she was there made you a lot more confident, especially with more weight than usual

she squatted with you as you moved and held her hands about half a foot under the bar just in case something slipped, giving you little pointers to improve your technique

you were ashamed to say that you purposefully arched your back a few times, you couldn’t see but you hoped that she was looking… (she was)

once you were done with your set, she easily helped you put the bar back onto the hook as if it weighed nothing, which to her it probably didn’t

“so sorry i totally forgot to ask you your name?” you asked with a flutter of your lashes, hoping you didn’t look to disheveled as you wiped down the equipment

“sevika, nice to meet you,” she said smoothly, giving you a firm handshake with her flesh hand

god her hand almost completely enveloped yours

you quickly told her your name and gave her your sweetest smile, “so do you come here often? i don’t think i’ve seen you here before.”

sevika chuckled and crossed her arms over her chest once again, a seemingly relaxed position for her, “i actually own the place, but my niece usually works the front desk, ‘specially when her uncle has me running errands all around town.”

“oh! well it’s so nice to finally meet you, i’ve talked to jinx a lot and she’s a super talented artist,” you recalled, seeing jinx drawing in her sketchbook at the front desk

sevika deadpanned and pinched the bridge of her nose with her hand, “has she been drawing on the clock again?”

you covered your mouth with your hand as your eyes widened, shit you didn’t mean to snitch on her

she sighed and shook her head, “i told her not to but she insists that she ‘can’t stop the creative flow when it’s happening!’” she said with exaggerated air quotes and made her voice higher to imitate jinx’s

you giggled at the impression and the two of you continued to make small talk until you had to leave to go get ready for work

sevika stepped behind the desk and waved as you were about to leave the gym, but you stopped yourself

you backtracked and stood in front of her at the desk, mustering up all of your courage, “can i give you my number?”

sevika looked up at you with an inquiring eyebrow before slowly nodding

“yeah sure, do you need some more pointers or a trainer?” she asked as she handed you a pen and paper from across the desk

“nope. well i mean yes, i’d love some pointers, but i’d also like to take you out on a date. romantically.” you said as casually as you could, scribbling your name and number down onto the paper with a little heart next to it, your own heart pounding so much you could hear it in your ears

sevika was a little in shock and numbly took the paper from you, a blush creeping on her cheeks as you waved goodbye, almost running into the door frame on your way out

she was so used to being the one initiating dates that having a woman so bluntly ask her out was new territory for her

but it felt,,, good? oh god is that what butterflies in your stomach felt like?

she immediately saved your number into her phone and added a heart by your name, just like on the paper you gave her <3

you received a text about 30 minutes later, something sevika had to rewrite at least 5 times

it’s sevika. so when is this date we’re going on sweetheart?

a/n: i’m sorry if the jargon is off yall im a pilates/yoga girlie😔

taglist: @maneskinwh0re @archangeldyke-all @fandoms-will-be-the-death-of-me @sevikasfan @lez-zuha @comfortripley @sunflowerwinds

[rafeandonlyrafe]

talk to me

words: 800

warnings: addiction, breaking sobriety, drinking/doing drugs, established relationship

taglist: @drewstarkeysbae @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @winterrrnight @slut4drudy @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450

you can tell from the moment you pick up the phone that something is wrong. rafe’s breathing is so loud that it’s being picked up, coming through your phone speaker.

“rafe, baby?” you ask, but all you here is his panting in response.

“rafe, talk to me. what’s wrong?”

“i’m sorry.” rafes voice is gruff, it sounds like he’s been screaming. 

“sorry? sorry for what rafe? tell me whats wrong.” you plead, feeling tears form in your eyes. you hate being away from rafe, you know that he hates it even more than you, especially now that he’s sober. he used to just get drunk or high the entire time until you were back, but you hated coming back to a strung out rafe, and you knew it wasn’t healthy.

“i’ve been drinking.” rafe says, and you hear the slight slur in his words.

“rafe-” you stand up, already beginning to pack. you don’t need to hear anything else. you know drinking isn’t the worst thing, but for rafe, the drinking will only ever lead to drugs, and he’s been clean for so long “i’m coming home baby. where are you?”

“our house.” he says, and you hear him fumbling with something in the background, and then a crash. it sounds like glass breaking.

“rafey baby, can you go lay down in bed, yeah?” you ask, grabbing your purse and suitcase. you’d text your girlfriends from the car on the way back home to rafe. you thought that he was good enough for you to go on a spa weekend away with the girls. you made sure it was one that was less than an hour away that way you could get home quickly.

“i’m gonna go sit outside.” “okay, i’m heading to the car right now.” you were supposed to head home in the morning anyways, so you have no issue leaving the night before, knowing your girlfriends won’t mind.

“talk to me.” you say as you get in your car, starting it up. “talk to me, rafey.” “i went to the store. i bought whiskey. i fucked up baby, i know that.” “it’s okay, honey.” you swing your car onto the highway, glad that theres no cars so you can speed, praying no cops are sitting hidden.

“and now i’m making you come home because i can’t fucking do it. god, i’m the worst boyfriend.” “not at all, rafey. you make me feel so loved. you take care of me. that’s what you’re meant to do as my boyfriend and that’s what i’m doing for you as your girlfriend. i’m taking care of you.” “i’m so tired.” rafe says. “i just want to do a bump.” “rafe, keep talking.” you say, tears blurring your vision. “i’m coming home to you right now, stay strong for me okay.”

you get rafe to continue talking as you drive home, going at least 20 miles over the speed limit the entire way. you haphazardly park when you get back home, running through the house to find rafe on the balcony. 

“i’m home.” you kneel down in front of him, heart breaking at how spaced out he looks. “i’m home, rafe.” rafe lets out a choked sob, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pitching forward. you shush him gently as he cries, rubbing your hand up and down his back.

“lets go to bed, yeah?” you ask after a moment.

“i hate myself.” rafe mumbles, but accepts your help standing up. you guide him inside, not even worried about shutting the doors behind you, just focused on getting him upstairs and in bed.

“you have to break up with me.” rafe says, feet slowly shuffling down the hallway. “im going to ruin your life-” you ignore his words, blocking out whatever he was saying as you steer him into your bedroom.

“rafe, stop please.” you cut him off from continuing to speak. “i’m not going anywhere. we can talk in the morning when you have a clearer head, okay?”

rafe nods, leaning forward and pressing his lips to your forehead. “i’m so glad you’re home.” “me too.” you press your face into his chest before pulling away to tug the blankets down, watching as rafe flops down, his head immediately lolling to the side. you sit down on the bed, stroking over his hair as you watch for his breathing to change, only standing up when you are sure that he is asleep.

you gather everything on your bedside table that rafe will need in the morning, finishing it off with a tall glass of water. you’ve learned from his previous binges what he needs, you’re just relieved all he did this time was drink.

you finally get to climb into bed, sighing deeply as your head hits the pillow. you move closer to rafe until your body is pressed up against his.

rafe mumbles something you can’t make out and turns, resting his head against your chest. you smile and wrap your arms around him, holding him close, knowing this is what he needs at this moment.

“i love you.” rafe whispers.

“i love you too.” you press a kiss to the top of his head. “i love you and i’m gonna be here for you no matter what, don’t you forget that.”

[sanaexus]

pass pass- oh smash.

the inarazaki volleyball team was nothing short of chaos. be it the twins bickering, suna recording every fight, aran cheering them on, omimi's loud sighs of disappointment, kita's scolding and the manager's threat was something that happened on a daily basis, it was normal.

but despite all that nothing changed the fact that they were all extremely close, specially with the manager. in the past all most all the managers quit because of how patient you needed to be dealing with the havoc they created. but you were different. dealing with their bullshit every day, helping them with whatever they needed and just being a friend they really needed.

while to anyone outside it may have seemed like you have romantic feelings for one of them and that's why you chose to become the manager, so you could be closer to them. but that really wasn't the case. the last thing you'd like was one of those hooligans.

it was supposed to be a normal practice match with aoba johsai, but this was inarizaki they were talking about, of course it wasn't.

no one knew you were dating oikawa. no, everyone just automatically assumed you were with atsumu. they weren't exactly to blame, you were close to him but that's what happens when you know someone since your childhood.

to say you were tensed about the match was an understatement. not only about how this was going to end on the court but about how the teams would react if they somehow got to know you were with oikawa.

but it was as if luck decided to make a complete fool of me their entire team came barging in, the loud entrance made everyone flinch for a second as they stared at the door.

now you were panicking and omi being the actual saint he was asked you, "are you alright?"

"no, fuck shit no, do i look alright?" i was pacing back and forth trying to hide my face thinking about ways to hide myself from oikawa or at least let him no that he shouldn't approach me.

"are you alright you look like you just saw a ghost"

"that's because i saw someone worse than a ghost! oh my godd can i call in sick please?" you pleaded with him, trying to find any excuse that would get you out of here.

"no. why would you want that, what happened?"

"i'm kinda maybe sorta might be dating someone from seijoh"

"what's the problem, he's in seijoh this is volley- wait you have boyf- WHAT?"

the yelling had caught the team's attention as they look at the both of you confused.

"WE'RE FINE, NOTHING HAPPENED" as you glare at omi "shhh are you trying to get me killed here? the problem is he is the volleyball team and is kinda the captain of the team. i'm just gonna pray he isn't stupid enough to approach me here with these creatures all around me"

"praying isn't going to be enough for what the twins might do to him if they find out."

cue the bad luck as kindaichi and kunimi wave at you, surprised you're standing at the other side of the court. your hands frantically making the cross sign across your chest mouthing "stay away, you don't know me"

"oh wait how about you text him or something to like not come up to you and you'll explain later"

"ohhh my god you're a genius i love you omi"

as you whip your phone out going to text iwaizumi with your hands shaking.

-IWAIZUMI HELP

why do you look like you're about to pass out? are you fine?

-it's because i might pass out any second. my team doesn't know i'm dating oikawa

oh

-yeah tell him to not approach me please if they find out i'll be dead

i'll do it. good luck w this mess

-thank you i owe you big time

you look up from your phone to talk to omi- "i told his bestfriend to tell him to not approach me that should work right?"

"why didn't you tell him directly? what if he thinks he's just saying it so he stays focused"

"ohhh you're like SUPPER smart, i dont know what i'd do without you"

"probably have your little affair get caught"

you just mutter a little "rude" before going to text oikawa. but before you can, he comes in yelling.

"Y/NNN CHANN I MISSED YOUUU" his whiney voice can be heard to everyone as he jogs his over to you.

you sigh, knowing what's about to go down. "hi oikawa, i missed you too.." you whisper so only you can hear it. and before you can process the entire inarizaki volleyball team (and seijoh) is surrounding the two of you.

suna could careless about who you dated, if you were happy he didn't mind it. but this was something that was both surprising and funny, so of course he had to record it.

it was confusing to the team because up until now they were under the impression you were dating atsumu.

"wait wait wait what does he mean by he missed you? are you two friends?" osamu was curious, he knew you weren't dating his brother but he thought you liked him.

oikawa dramatically turned towards you "you haven't told them?"

"ladies, ladies there's enough of me to go around" which only brought you deadpan looks from both the volleyball teams "ok sorry, my bad for being funny"

"wait what does he mean you haven't told us??"

"we've been dating for a year, the last thing we could be is friends-"

"you're dating him? I thought you were with atsumu?"

"atsumu? i thought you were dating suna?"

"why me? i didn't even do anything keep me out of this?"

"NO WHY WOULD I BE DATING EITHER OF THEM?"

"what's wrong with us?" suna and atsumu asked offended.

"shut up i've seen you eating sand and you ask me what's wrong with the two of you?"

"y/n chan, what's going on?" kunimi asks curiously. the seijoh's team just stood there watching you, oikawa and the inarizaki members going back and forth.

"all of you shut up, we didn't even let y/n explain properly"

"oh my god thank you kita-"

"you don't like the twins?"

"KITA?! no oh lord i don't, i've been dating toruu for the past year, i never did and never will like any of these hooligans, no offense"

"HEY! that's rude-" before atsumu could whiney any further osamu smacked him in the back of his head, which shut him up immediately.

"what about the rumors of a girl making out with atsumu? that wasn't you?" suna finally asked, genuinely wanting to know more.

"Y/N-CHAN YOU MADE OUT WITH PISS HAIR? WHAT?"

"no oh my god toruu I didn't-"

"oh, that wasn't her that was just a junior i dated."

"yeah that wasn't me wait ew juniors? really atsumu?"

"she was cute! don't shift this on me"

"but guys seriously i never had have or will like anyone from the volleyball team. i'm sorry i hid it from you guys, but i was just scared of what you guys would think"

"are you happy? does he keep you happy?" aran asked borderline choking atsumu.

the question caught you off guard but instantly a small smile replaced the shock on your face "yes, he does, he's stupid but he really does make me happy"

"then that's all that matters"

"aww thank you-"

"nuh uh, i don't approve, what if he's a playboy?" atsumu disapprovingly shook his head praying aran's hands off him.

"oh god no one wants to hear that from you" suna shut atsumu up.

atsumu quietly huffed a "rude"

"well now that that's sorted, we should probably get back to warming up"

"yes thank you kindaichi, finally a normal person"

"y/n?" aran called out to you.

"yes?"

"just because your boyfriend's in that team doesn't mean we'll go easy on them, we'll just be rougher with them"

"if it makes you win, be my guest."

this was a bit awkward to write and I'm not proudest of this either but we'll js roll with it

@daisy-room here you go mam hope I did your idea justice

[lunajay33]

Precious🩵

Summary: Reader gets separated from Daryl at the start and finds a farm with a wonderful family, she finds out she’s pregnant and one thing leads to another and a new group settles onto the farm

•Masterlist•

I waited for Daryl at our little house in the small town we grew up in, I had been gone to the city for the day when everything happened, I was able to find a car and drive back home praying that Daryl would be there waiting for me but I knew it would be a long shot, I waited for a few days until the food ran out and decided if I was ever going to find him again then I’ll have to go find him myself

So I pack up my bag with essentials, clothes, water, snacks that were left over and weapons for Daryl’s hunting collection, I drove for what felt like forever no signs of human life only blood and rotting corpses who some how took over the earth

I came to the interstate seeing the cars upon cars piled up blocking my way so I turned around hoping to find a back road to get around when I spotted a sign “Greene’s Farm” if the farm was still standing maybe it could have some food or more water, as I pulled up the drive way to a large white farm house people filtered out, it felt surreal to see people, live people

I got out of the car as the came down the stairs, it was an older man a girl around my age and a younger blonde, then what seemed to be an older couple and a younger boy

“How’d you find this place?” The man with the white hair asked

“I’ve been on the road looking for my husband, I got turned around in the road and saw your farm sign, I just need some rest” I say as I run my hand down my belly

When I went to the city when everything happened I found out I was pregnant and I was over the moon about finally starting a family with Daryl but now I’m scared, scared about delivery, this baby never meeting their wonderful father

The man noticed my movement and his harsher demeanor changed to one of pity

“Come dear we’ll get something set up for you”

They let me settle in the spare room after feeding me some eggs and fresh fruit, the house was cozy and they are lovely people but I can’t help that feeling in the pit of my stomach, the feeling I always got when Daryl would be gone too long, he always soothed me even if he didn’t talk much he showed me comfort with actions of love and care

Whenever he scrounged up enough money he’d buy me little gifts, he got me a silver necklace with a bow on it which I never take off, I never got a wedding ring because I refused and said we should keep the money for the future and that I don’t need some diamond to show my love for him

“Knock knock” I look up to the doorway and see Maggie standing there with a wide smile

“Daddy wanted me to check on you, well both of you”

“Oh yes I think we’re okay, I only found out about two weeks ago”

“That’s when you first had symptoms?” She asked as she sat next to me on the bed

“Yeah, the nausea and a little bump”

“I’d say you’re about two months pregnant then, signs only show up later, does the father know?” I shock my head feeling my heart clench in pain

“I never got the chance, I don’t even know where he is but somehow in my heart I believe we will find our ways back to each other” she ran a comforting hand up my back and smiled

“You’ll find him sweetheart you never know what might happen!” She said before she left the room giving me space to finally rest

It’s been 2 months now on the farm and it was peaceful for some reason this farm has gone untouched from the world that’s filled with death, I haven’t stopped looking for Daryl, every other day I’d search farther and farther out but there was no sign, as I was walking back to the farm I saw two men and Otis running through the field, I got back to the house and Maggie told me of everything that was happening, Otis accidentally shot the boy who Hershel was working on now

I sat outside on the steps as the young boys father came out obviously in shock covered in blood, he sat next to me completely disheveled, I took a rag I had in my pocket and wiped some blood he smeared on his face

“Hershel is a good surgeon and a great man, your son is in good hands” my words seemed to calm him down and what he needed right now was a distraction it seems

“I remember when my wife found out she was pregnant with Carl, we were young but I was excited this little life was gonna be born, so how far along are you?”

“About 4 months now, I’m not sure if it’s a boy or girl, I got separated from the father when I found out but I’ve kept looking, I know he’s out there, he’s a stubborn man but god is he strong and pretty smart too”

“Yeah I know the type, got a man like that back in our group, we lost a little girl and he’s been looking for her day and night”

“Maggie should be back soon she must have found your group by now, it’ll be okay” almost as if she heard me I see her horse ride up the field with cars following, then I hear the rumble of a motorcycle and it brought back so many memories I had with Daryl, when he’d work on his bike I’d sit with him, when we’d go for a drive at night together, moments I kept dear to my heart, zoned out in nostalgic thought I didn’t notice the group coming to the steps

“Y/n?” The grumble to the voice that I fell in love with, I look up to see him standing there just as the day I last saw him still as handsome, I couldn’t stand up fast enough before I was pulled off the stairs and into his arms

“I can’t believe it’s you, I looked everywhere, I missed you so much Daryl” I cried into his shoulder as his group was most likely watching this moment unwind

“It’s me sunshine, I found ya” he pulled back and we just looked into each others eyes for some time before he looked me over stopping abruptly on my belly

He opened his mouth but he seemed to be at a lose for words

“It’s yours if that’s what you’re wondering?”

“My baby?” He asked placing his hands on either side of my bump

“Yeah our lil baby Dixon”

After everything settled down and people set up tents I decided to stay with Daryl since they were using my room for Carl, I was sitting across from him on my sleeping bag and he couldn’t take his eyes off my bump

“Do you want to feel?” He thought for a moment before he nodded, I lifted my ivory dress just above my belly feeling his warm hands caress my bare skin

“How did this happen?”

“Well remember that night you came back from the bar with Merle and I was wearing my pink sundress you love” realization dawned as a blush crossed his face

“Yeah that’s how it happened” I laugh missing how easily it is to embarrass him

“Where have you been?” I asked as we laid next to each other

“Found a camp outside of Atlanta with Merle, idiot went and got himself stuck on a roof don’t know where he is now, then we went to the CDC and that was a bust then that leads to now finally some sanity with ya”

“I’m just glad you didn’t get bite, the farms been secure so I haven’t had any troubles”

“And ya never have to with me ‘round”

It’s been 6 months and Daryl and I had a beautiful 1 month old baby girl, it was painful giving birth but with Daryl by my side it made it a bit easier, hopeful

She was a wonderful little thing, barely fussy, brown hair light blue eyes just like Daryl, and he was over the moon about her he praised me over and over for giving him such a gift he treasured

We were able to move into the house to make it more comfortable for the three of us, we named her Lily because Carl thought it suited her perfectly so we just went with it

I walked into the room seeing Daryl sat on the bed with her in his arms her little hands reaching to pull on his now grown out hair, I sat beside them curling up to Daryl’s side

“She loves you so much D”

“Not as much as I love her”

“You know I think she’s your favourite”

“Nah she loves us both sunshine, I love ya”

“I love you too Daryl, forever”

[notjustjavierpena]

Hurried Morning

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: Back already with something for you all. Hopefully you’ll enjoy what I wrote yesterday morning. Ah! I love young Joel Miller, neighborhood dilf.

Summary: Joel neglects himself before you have to leave to give you one last dopamine high.

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader/you (no y/n)

Tags: +18 Smut (minors DNI), clit stimulation, fingering, dirty talk, squirting, Joel has big strong hands and just likes to please if he is in control

Word count: 1.9k

Link to this work on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47667250

Hurried Morning

Joel says that he is merely feeling generous with you as he pulls your half-naked frame into his lap, so that your back is resting comfortably against his broad chest. You want to say that he is simply lazy but it’s not like you are ever going to let that slip from your mouth.

It’s late Sunday morning and you’re both seated against the headboard of Joel’s bed. Sarah will be home just before noon, and Joel has to change his bedsheets, air out the room, have a shower and maybe fix up some lunch for him and his daughter. You, on the other hand, just have to get cleaned up and go home before she is here.

He doesn’t have to tell you about his generosity; you know he is insatiable, giving and generous by now, actually knew about a week after the first night that he had taken you to his bed. You know it is cliche to sleep with the hot neighbor, but no one knows about it yet, so you’ll bask in the beauty of how he makes you tremble until someone finds out that you’re screwing the hot single father. You pray, no pun intended, it isn’t the God-fearing Adlers.

You’re in a loose t-shirt that screams weekend, a Batman logo on your chest, but beneath the hem, a pair of cotton panties with a little bow cover your core. You rest your head against Joel’s shoulder as he rests right hand just above your belly button, it seeming undecided at whether or not to go down. His left hand is placed on top of your thigh, scratching slightly until you shiver.

“Do you have a plan with those hands?” You ask him.

“We ain’t got much time,” he muses with a sigh in his pretty little Texas accent. You squirm a little, “I’ll just have to forget myself for a moment, hopefully I’ll forgive myself for it.”

“You’re not going to fuck me?” You ask with disappointment in your tone but the left hand curls around your thigh to pull it a little to the side, opening you up for him.

“‘Fraid not, sweetheart, but I’ll have you chanting my name anyway,” he spreads out your other leg too, noses along your throat and grins into your skin as he sees your toes curl in anticipation.

“O-okay,” you reply, simply waiting for more.

Joel kisses your throat then, right hand descending to hover over your underwear. He only hesitates for a split-second before he cups your sex, fingers sliding over your cunt and then rubbing his whole palm over you to feel the warmth radiating through the fabric. You sigh contentedly.

“Feels good?” He asks, holding his hand there for a moment and a bit of slick seeps out of you. For someone who said that you were short on time together, he sure is taking it.

“Yes,” you try to breathe in deeply but the breath ends up hitching in your throat as he finds your clit on the outside of your underwear. The pads of his index- and middle finger rub slow and lazy circles.

“So this is what we’re gonna do,” he booms behind you. You ready yourself for instructions, “I’ll make you come on my fingers, and then you’re gonna go home and not think ‘bout me all day and night. Night, do you hear me? Especially all night.”

Oh good lord, that went straight to your pussy. You nod quickly, “Whatever you say. I’ll do it.”

The fingers on your clit disappear again but only so Joel can use his thumb instead, and you’re reminded of how huge his hands and fingers are. He presses down on your sensitive nub for a moment, and blood rushes between your legs.

His free hand goes from your thigh to slide up under your t-shirt, cupping one of your breasts to squeeze before his thumb and forefinger tease your nipple. It hardens immediately, and you instinctively buck up your hips. It makes Joel hum behind you, and soon, you feel his generous size poke into the small of your back. It is unbearable to remember that he told you that he won’t put it in you.

“You don’t have to say anything, I know,” he tells you as you moan into the room, turning your head so your face is towards his jaw. You have your eyes squeezed shut as he scratches a little from side to side, making you clench around nothing but emptiness. He continues speaking filth, “I know, baby. I’ll touch you properly soon. Hang in there.”

Your legs shift a little on the sheets when he starts going in circles again, coaxing more arousal out of you until your panties feel sticky. To think that you were happy that you had a pair that wasn’t ruined by him, and with a chance of being dry underneath the jeans that you were going to wear as you walked home later.

You moan a little louder as a bolt of arousal pulls from inside your cunt and goes to your clit. You can feel it pulse against the fabric, against Joel’s thick finger.

“You can have it all, baby— shit, listen to you,” he gropes your breast obscenely, even tugs a little, as he rubs you off with a little more pressure. You want more than this, want him to go inside and relieve some of the pressure that builds inside of you.

“Please, Joel,” you plead shakily, “It’s not enough.”

“I know, never is,” he removes both hands from your body but only to slide them up and down your thighs a few times, finally going inwards to grab on either side of the front of your underwear. He pulls the fabric upwards and taut against your clit, making you whimper as he doesn’t relent quickly again, “Bet you could come so prettily like this. Bet you you’ll go home and do it to yourself later whilst not thinking of me.”

Joel’s breath is hot against the shell of your ear, even slightly elevated from what the both of you are doing. He is still rock hard against you, so you grind back into him.

“Stop,” he commands immediately. His hand flies up to grab the front of your throat, fingers digging slightly into your carotid artery and making your head spin.

“It won’t go away without me,” you pout as he lets go again when your hips have stilled.

“This ain’t about me,” he tells you, then follows up patting your swollen cunt a few times on the front of your underwear. You keen, and he shushes you softly, “This is about you. About her.”

The fabric has smoothed out once more after Joel had to let go of it, so now, both of his hands slide underneath the waistband to touch you directly. He trails a finger from each hand over your labia, expertly avoiding your clit. They go down, one scooping up some of your slick by dipping into your for just a second before going back up.

You are shaking like a leaf, a string of noises leaving you. They were supposed to be words but it’s like you have lost connection to the part of your brain that controls speech. Joel chuckles behind you.

He rubs your clit again with his arousal-covered finger for a moment but then decides against it. For less than a second, you start to feel the pressures in your lower abdomen fade but then Joel uses his other hand to pull back the hood of your clit. When his slick finger starts touching you so directly, you can feel it spike immediately again. It is intense. You thrash on the bed.

“Fuck!” You cry out and look down where his hands are in your panties, moving and straining pornographically underneath the fabric, “Keep going. You’re— you’ll make me come like this.”

“That’s not the plan,” he growls in your ear, panting slightly but not making any effort to stop what he is doing, “I’ll make you fucking gush, yeah? Just like last night. Sheets have to be changed anyway or I’ll smell you on them and fuck my hand without getting any shit done around here.”

“Then do it,” you buck up into his hand like before, but this time also lifting your hips off the bed just slightly. Joel removes the finger from the hood of your clit to slam down your hips again, but despite everything, it just feels nice to not be so directly touched. You don’t want to know what you could’ve missed if you had come right now.

Roughly, the way you like it, Joel pulls your panties to the side. He reaches further down and shoves two fingers inside of your cunt, tilting his wrist downwards to finger against your g-spot quickly. The wet squelches of your wetness fill the room along with your mewls as your orgasm builds again without warning.

Your hands find purchase on Joel’s strong thighs but it still doesn’t feel like enough. Something is building right behind your clit, all muscles around your womb tightening like a coil being pulled. You want it, want it to snap.

“Please, please, please, oh fuck, Joel, make me come,” you are inconsolable, knowing that you’ll start sobbing if it doesn’t happen soon.

“Should’ve had a mirror right in front of us, so you can see my fingers sink into your little pussy,” he moans for the first time, feeling your walls flutter around his two digits and your clit throbbing against his index finger on the other hand. He rubs you and fucks you open in earnest.

Your right hand reaches up to cup the back of his head, fingers curling into the soft hair at the back of his neck. You hold on for dear life, pulling then to embrace what is coming. Joel growls behind you.

And then it happens. Everything that has been pulled tight releases into a high that has you feeling like you’ll melt into the mattress or lift off into the air from it. Your legs shake violently, and as soon as Joel notices the first spasm of your cunt, he pulls his fingers out to see the wet gush that leaves you and forms a stain on the sheets. He fingers you again and repeats the move, watches you gush a few times more.

You quickly grab at his wrist with a sharp intake of breath when the over sensitivity sets in. He stops moving his fingers on you and instead cups what he feels is his more than yours.

“Christ,” you hear him mutter, attempting to rub your cunt soothingly but you whimper, gripping his wrist tighter. He kisses behind your ear, “Wore the little plaything out, didn’t I?”

“What time is it?” You ask quietly, exhaustedly.

“We have an hour,” Joel says after looking at his wristwatch that is on the bedside table, “Think you should take a cold shower, soothe yourself a little.”

“You’re not joining me?” You look up at him with big innocent eyes. They’re pleasing but Joel is strong enough to resist.

“I’ll clean up here, finish up here too or we won’t make it out of the bathroom in time. Can you stand?”

You accept it.

“Yes, hold on,” you crawl off of him, avoiding the wet spot on the bed. You’ll accept anything from a man that has just given you an earth shattering orgasm.

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[27spoons]

Feeling Myself | Natalie Scatorccio

summary: Your best friend's been ignoring you since you hooked up a few days ago. Determined to speak with her again, you decide to visit her in the changing rooms after a soccer game. What's the worst that happens?

pairing: natalie scatorccio x fem!reader

warnings: porn/what plot, smut (afab!reader), slightly ooc nat (in the name of porn), no proofreading we die like jackie

a/n: this shit corny asf LMAOOOO (this is a "what-if" from part two.) (also see: i had a thought while writing part two. this is 90% smut.) (this is also 10x as crude as the previous smut I've done sorry not sorry)

wc: 3430

[you don't need to read either part to read this.]

part one / part two

A quick recap of the events that took place the past week.

You slept with your best friend at a party. Your best friend who happens to be knee-deep in denial when it comes to her sexuality. She's been avoiding you like the plague since then. You've just finished watching her play a soccer game, and now you're awkwardly standing outside the locker rooms.

Great. Recap over.

Okay, thirty minutes is overkill, especially for Nat, who typically likes getting in and out as fast as possible. Sure, maybe you'd spend thirty minutes in a shower at home, but in a public place? With the floors that definitely have bacteria on them that could kill a Victorian child?

That's practically a carnal sin.

You aren't sure why you're steeling yourself; I mean… odds are she just left through the other entrance, right? And it's not like you aren't allowed in this change room, it's just the general change room for the school facilities…

Whatever.

You stand up straight and throw the door open to the changing room, not that surprised to find it completely empty—save for the sound of a shower running in the back of the space. Realistically, if it is Nat, you should probably let her finish her shower. You don't really know where the two of you stand right now, and intruding on a shower hardly seems like a good time to find out. And, if it isn't Nat, intruding on a shower would be a really, really bad idea.

Still, you decide to investigate further. 

Quietly making your way toward the shower stalls, you glance around and look for anything that could give you an idea about whoever it is, showering and praying to whatever God there is that it's Nat and not some random stranger. 

When you reach the benches in front of the stalls, you let out a relieved breath you didn't even realise you were holding—you'd recognize those combat boots anywhere.

Is confronting her while she's in the shower the most intelligent idea? No. But honestly? You're more than a little frustrated and pretty sure that she'll continue to avoid you unless you do something now.

So, you do the mature thing, much like she did.

You storm to the front of the stall and bang on the door, "Natalie?!" You call out, voice slightly shaky at the idea that it might not be her after all. 

A long, tense moment of silence passes after you speak, save for the sound of water hitting the tiles below. You start to panic, worrying that you really did just knock on a stranger's shower stall, scaring the everliving shit out of—

"Are you fucking kidding me?" A voice, unmistakenly belonging to a certain Natalie Scatorccio, rings out over the sounds of the shower, "You couldn't fucking… wait until I wasn't fucking showering?!"

"You've been avoiding me!" You yell back, "What the fuck was I supposed to do? You haven't been showing up to class, you've been avoiding my calls… I mean, what the fuck was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know!" She yells back, "Maybe wait for me to come to you when I'm ready to talk, ideally not when I'm in the fucking shower?!"

"Yeah, well…" You mutter, realising that… yeah… maybe this wasn't the best time, but you're already here! There's no backing down now! "That's not the point!" You eventually continue, "Why have you been avoiding me since Friday night?"

She doesn't respond for a long moment.

"Well?" You scoff, calling over the water, "Natalie? Are you gonna answer me—"

The stall door flings open, revealing a very naked and very wet Natalie Scatorccio.

Your jaw drops. Sure, you saw her naked during the night of the party, but this is much different. She looks very upset with your sudden appearance, and for a moment, when she draws her hand back, you worry she's about to clock you in the jaw. And, honestly? You'd probably deserve it.

What you aren't expecting, however, is her to grab the back of your head and mash your lips against hers, all tongue and teeth.

It's only a moment's hesitation before you return the kiss, and she's drawing you back into the shower stall. "We better be alone," Natalie murmurs, tugging your hoodie off and over your head as it begins to soak through. "I'm not about to have one of the girls walk in on this." 

"No, uh, yeah, we're alone." You stammer out, kicking off your shoes and pants, "I wouldn't have caused a scene if there were still people in here—"

"Good." Nat breathes out as she tugs you into the shower's spray, despite the fact you haven't even gotten the chance to remove your underwear yet. "Because I haven't been able to stop thinking about this." And her lips are back against yours, free hand immediately moving to find purchase between your thighs, fingers rubbing you through the damp fabric. (Which, you'll note, is now damp for more than one reason.) 

"Holy fuck—" A shaky exhale parts from your lips, your head falling back to hit the shower wall, one hand attempting to find some sort of grip on the wall while the other grasps uselessly at her wrist, "Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to you in the time we weren't talking?" You ask breathlessly, hips pushing into her hand.

"I spent a lot of time thinking about this." She murmurs, fingers pushing the soaked fabric aside and pushing two fingers through your slick folds, teasing the length of your slit for a few moments before she quickly sinks two fingers into the wet heat at the apex of your thighs.

"F-fuck—" A full-body shiver rakes through your form as your back arches off the wall, a shocked gasp leaving your lips once she starts fucking her fingers into you with reckless abandon. "Jesus Christ—" "You seem to be saying his name a lot. Last I checked, it's my fingers inside of you and not his." She says with a smug grin, resting her free hand on the wall next to your head. "Unless you got really religious in the past few days."

"Asshole." You grunt out, nails digging into her wrist as you desperately roll your hips against her hand, "You are knuckle deep inside me, and I'm not about to just start saying your full name—"

"No." She cuts you off, "But you could just say Natalie."

"That's not—" She cuts you off when she stretches you further with a third finger, and you're almost positive her wrist has to be cramping with the angle it's at, but she shows zero signs of stopping or slowing down. "—the point—" You stammer out, eyes screwing shut as squelching sounds from her fingers fucking your pussy manage just to be loud enough to be heard over the rush of water beating against the porcelain.  

"No, you're right. The point is that you shouldn't be thinking of anyone else while I'm the one inside of you."

If there was something you expected Nat to say, that was not it, but you can't help the way you clench around her fingers at the comment.

"Oh, shit." A low laugh spills from her throat, "You like that, huh? When I'm all possessive? Didn't realise you'd be into that sorta stuff."

"Fuck off." You mutter, "I've never heard you get possessive before. It's kinda hot."

"Yeah? Guess I'll have to keep that in mind." Her palm grinds hard into your clit as her fingers brush against that spot inside of you that has your hips bucking and losing the rhythm you had found. "Oh. That was a fun spot." Nat murmurs to herself, "I liked that. Let's do it again."

So, she does. She presses her fingers right against that spot with every flick of her wrist, and you can't help but wonder how the fuck she became so damn good at this when at times, it felt like she barely had two brain cells to rub together that night of the party—

Shit, you didn't even notice the fact she was trailing her lips along the hollow of your throat, tongue collecting the water that streams down your body from your face. "Nat—" You gasp when you feel her teeth bite at your jaw, "Shit—"

"Mm, yeah." You can feel her grin against your throat, "See? Knew you had it in you to say my name. Just needed some gentle encouragement, is all."

You can't even form coherent thoughts at this point. You aren't sure what turns you on more: doing this in a public place where anyone could walk in and hear the deplorable things currently transpiring, the fact that Nat seems to be eager to have you like this, the way her lips trace along your neck reverently, or her completely making you forget the whole reason you walked into the changing rooms to begin with.

Nat spends some time alternating between the stretch of three fingers and the ruthless pace of two, occasionally completely retracting her fingers in favour of circling your clit with the pads of her index and middle before sinking them back in.

"You, fuck, I'm close." You stammer out the next time she sinks her fingers back into the tight heat, "Don't fucking stop—"

She shakes her head against your neck, "Not stopping." A shaky exhale, and you start to feel her hips rolling against your thigh, "Not stopping until I feel you fucking come around my fingers."

Your eyes roll back into your head at the words that fall from her lips, and you find yourself gripping her arm again for support. "Oh, holy fuck, Natalie—"

With a stuttering movement of your hips against the heel of her palm, you find yourself crashing into a climax that you were not expecting to get right in the fucking changing rooms.

And, despite how you clench around her fingers and your knees buckle slightly, Nat doesn't even stop. Not for half a second. The crude sounds of her fingers fucking your spasming pussy at breakneck speed don't slow, and your head thrashes back and forth against the wall, "Nat, fuck, wait—"

"No." She hisses into the side of your neck, biting at the skin, "I'm not done yet."

Thank causes a broken groan to slip from your lips as her fingers press against that one spot over and over again to the point the edges of your vision start to turn fuzzy amid the ecstasy. "F-fuck, I just came—"

"I know." She growls out, fingers seemingly plunging in deeper to your tight heat with every thrust of her wrist, "And I want you to come again."

"Oh." You exhale, eyes screwing shut again, "Oh…"

Nat grins at your breathless sounds, "Yeah, baby. Like that." Three fingers, "Fuck, love how tight you feel around my fingers. How fucking wet you are for me." "We're, ah, in a shower. Of course, I'm wet—"

She bites down on your neck particularly harshly at your words, "Shut up. You know that isn't what I fucking meant."

"N-no, but it's funny—"

You barely even register it when Nat drops to her knees before you, bringing one of your legs over her shoulder, "God, shut up."

And, well, you don't get a chance to speak again before she's burying her face against your heat, fingers continuing in their harsh movements as her tongue attaches itself to your clit, swirling around and sucking at the nub.

One of your hands immediately finds itself tangled in her blonde hair, the other trying to hold your body up against the stall wall behind you, which proves… to be a hard enough task on its own, given that the walls are slick with water and smooth.

"Oh, fuck—" You hiss out, tugging slightly on her hair, "Shit, give me a second—"

Nat doesn't. She doesn't stop or slow, either. Hell, she doesn't even humour you with a response, just choosing to focus on her task at hand: making you come again.

It's slightly embarrassing how quickly you're right back on the precipice of an orgasm. You'd probably be mortified if you could form thoughts other than "yes" and "please."

You swear you can feel the way Nat smirks against you as she wraps her lips around your clit, creating a suction that has a full-body shudder raking through you and—

…

Even Nat has to stop for half a second when she feels you come again, less than a minute after the first one. "Fuck." She breathes out, looking up at you with her jaw slightly slack, fingers still buried inside of you. "Did you just…?"

Realistically, you could lie. But you get the feeling this is a hypothetical question.

"I… I told you I needed a second…" Comes your stammered response, "That's… I'm not… I don't… it's just…"

A dark chuckle leaves Nat's mouth as she removes your leg from her shoulder, ensuring you can stand properly before she rises back to her feet, "Mmn, I'm not mad. If anything, it's kinda flattering."

You scowl slightly at her, "What-whatever." 

You decide it's her turn, now. 

As fast as you can move without slipping on the tile, you pin Natalie to the wall in your place, lips finding her neck, tracing up the path of a water droplet with your tongue, then further up still until your lips are back on hers.

One of Nat's hands comes to rest on your shoulder, the other tangling itself into your hair as your kiss grows more and more heated. Although it's a little tricky to do with the slick walls, you spread her thighs slightly and press your knee up between them, encouraging her to grind down onto your leg. It's your turn to smirk now, finding some sort of pleasure in the way she immediately presses her pussy against you, hips rocking with urgency.

"Yeah," You grunt against her lips, "like that. Keep doing that." The blonde whimpers back, grinding herself faster, "Please." She breathes out, "I need more."

"What?" You chuckle, "Sorry, I didn't get that. Mind saying that again?"

She slaps your shoulder, "Stop being such a fucking tease, asshole. What do you want me to say? That I want your fingers inside of me?"

You grin, "Yeah. That works, actually." One of your hands runs down the flat of her stomach, two fingers run across her folds, not quite delving into the warmth between them. "But the begging is a little hot."

"I'm not going to beg." She immediately answers, "If you aren't gonna fuck me, I'll find someone else to do it."

Your jaw tenses immediately at the comment, and you aren't quite sure if it's jealousy or something else, but the very idea of that pisses you off to no end. "No the fuck you aren't." You hiss out, sinking your index and middle finger into her cunt without another word, earning you a keening sound. "I'm the only person doing this to you tonight."

"God, yes." She almost moans out the words, "Harder."

A scoff, but you oblige her anyway, turning two fingers to three and fucking them into her faster, grinding your palm into her as the digits move, and Nat doesn't think she's ever been more grateful for someone with long fingers.

She presses her tongue back against yours, using the hand that's tangled in your hair to guide your mouth where she wants it—against hers.

The press of your lips against yours makes the movements of your hand slow momentarily, but you quickly recover your speed when Nat tugs at the hair on the nape of your neck, reminding you that there's an end goal to this.

"Mm, my bad." You murmur, pressing a chaste kiss to the edge of her lips, "Your mouth is very distracting."

Nat rolls her eyes, "Yeah? Then maybe you should be somewhere it won't distract you." A half-grin twitches itself onto her lips, and the hand on your shoulder presses down, "On your knees, ideally."

"Just say you want me to eat you out." You lower yourself onto one knee, "Saying what you want is hot." Nat grins down at you and runs her fingers through your hair as you get down on your other knee, "Don't need to say what I want. You're already doing it."

You roll your eyes at her as you press some gentle kisses to her inner thighs, humming when she parts them for you. "Maybe." A small nip to the soft skin, "But I do enjoy you telling me what to do."

"Oh, yeah? What, you into being dominated?" She laughs lowly, "Interesting. I'll have to keep that in mind."

"You say that like you plan on doing this again." You take one of her legs and hoist it over your shoulder, pausing a beat, then taking the other leg and repeating the motion. "Do you plan on doing this again?" Nat gasps when you have her sit on your shoulders, fingers tightening in your hair, "Fuck, you keep pulling shit like this, and I just might keep doing it."

A grin graces your lips, "That so? Guess I'll have to keep you coming back." A chaste kiss to her clit, then you're delving your tongue into her cunt, greedily slurping at the wetness that's collected between her legs. 

Your fingers dig into the meat of her thighs, holding her against your face, encouraging her to squeeze your head like a goddamn watermelon. You could, quite honestly, die happy with your head where it is right now.

Nat is rolling her hips against your face, your nose brushing against her clit as your face remains buried in her pussy, obscene sounds echoing against the walls, and you aren't even sure when the shower clicked off, but you are aware that it makes the two of you much more audible.

You'd pull your head back to tell her or move one of your hands to swat at the button to turn the water back on, but you get the feeling she could care less how audible what's transpiring between the two of you is.

So, you try to put that into the back of your mind, letting the sounds of your mouth against her and Nat's broken gasps act as fuel for the way you fuck her with your tongue. 

It's a handful of minutes before her breathing becomes more stuttered, her grip on your hair starts to hurt slightly, and you don't think she would let you up for air if your face were literally turning blue, but that's okay.

In fact, it's more than okay, considering you feel her pussy pulsate around your tongue as a whimpering moan breaks from her throat, hips continuing to rock against your face for a few more seconds before ceasing. 

"Fuck." Her fingers run through your hair, as if serving an apology for the way she was tugging on it. "You're fucking good at that." You shoot a lazy grin up at her through between her thighs, which were effectively acting as earmuffs. "I aim to please. Happy that my goal was met."

Her head falls back against the wall as she laughs, "Yeah. Now, put me down."

"Mm, sure you can stand?" You tease, nipping at her thigh again.

"Positive, asshole." She rolls her eyes fondly, "Let me off."

A dramatic sigh parts from your lips, but you relent and help her get her feet back on the ground, "Fine, fine." You stand back at your full height, looking down at her slightly as you lean against the wall, "But I really wasn't done yet."

"Yeah, well, I was. I'm not in the mood to get caught by someone in here." She shoves your shoulder, causing you to take a step away from her. "We both got off."

You click your tongue, "Seriously? C'mon. Don't be like that…"

"We can get off more later."

"Oh?" You quirk an eyebrow, "That mean I'm coming back to your dorm?"

"Well. That was fun." Nat ignores the question, pushing off the wall and hitting the shower button again. "Now. I need to finish showering. You staying or leaving?"

You scoff, "Staying, I guess." You spare a glance down at your soaked clothes, "Gonna be soaked the whole walk home, anyway. Not in the mood for that walk."

She laughs deliciously, "Oh, trust me; if I have anything to say about it? You'll be soaked at home, too."

A beat. "And you said my dirty talk was terrible."

a/n: ok NOW crush act two part one next fr fr

[sasageyoarmin]

hellooooooo

can i request number 89 «YOU SENT ME PICTURES OF YOU NAKED WHILE I WAS IN A WORK MEETING»from the dialogue prompt list for the lawyer armin series

love yaaa

hi love!! yes yes yes this is such a good prompt :)

for anyone wondering, this prompt is for my new lawyer!armin series and comes from this prompt list !!

warnings: suggestive content, but no explicit smut

<3

"i miss you <3."

The message on Armin's phone lit up, the sound of the iMessage notification ringing across the room, causing the attention to switch to the dirty blonde man for a second. He looked down at the message from "mi amor 💍" and opened up the conversation fully to reveal three images.

Armin's breath caught in his throat as he stared at the pictures, two of them depicting his wife fully naked in front of their bedroom mirror and one of the photos showcasing her silhouette against a blank wall, the light from their windows illuminating her figure, showing off her curves and full chest.

Armin cursed internally, immediately shutting off his phone, trying not to draw attention to himself, his cheeks flushed as he tried to concentrate on the meeting. He prayed to God that no one had seen the images of his wife, and he knew that he would have a talk with her later about when to send those kinds of pictures.

"Pardon me, guys, I have to step out for a moment." Armin stated to his colleagues, leaving the room with his phone in hand. Once outside of the firm, he opened his phone back up again, the pictures on full display. He admired the way his wife looked, shaking his head and scoffing as he thought about how naughty she was attempting to be. Slowly, he could feel himself getting riled up at the sight of his lover, so he closed out of messages and decided to ring her up instead of responding through text.

After the third ring, the call connected.

"Armin?" She asked, almost seeming confused. "I thought you were in a meeting, is everything okay?"

She was playing dumb. He wasn't a fan.

"I was in a meeting, yes." Armin's jaw clenched at how naive his wife was attempting to be. "Don't play dumb with me, baby."

"What do you mean?" She questioned. He could almost hear the smirk on the other side of the line, and he wasn't having any of it.

He scoffed, rubbing his brow. "You sent me nudes at work! I was in an important meeting, you know this."

"Did you not like them?" His wife pouted behind the screen, her legs rubbing against each other, wishing that her husband was home to pay attention to her.

"Obviously I did, that's why I'm calling you." Armin sounded annoyed, and she felt bad (but she didn't, really.) "I had to leave because of you."

"M'sorry."

"You're not sorry, you just want attention from me."

"I miss you." She admitted, twirling her fingers at the thought of Armin returning home to her later. "I didn't get to see you this morning, you know. You left without waking me up."

"I left because it was 7 am and I didn't want to disturb you. I told you last night that I would be home before dinner."

"That's too late, Min." He could tell over the phone that she was getting antsy and annoyed, her voice becoming higher and whinier. "I want you now, I woke up wanting you."

Armin cursed aloud, the word echoing into his phone, eliciting a soft whine from his wife. "I have to stay in this meeting, love. I'll see you when I get home."

"What am I supposed to do with myself?" She sighed out, whining as she shifted her hips on their bed, something Armin couldn't see. "I'm all alone."

"You can wait for me, right?"

"I don't want to, that's not fair." His wife sighed out, getting impatient.

"Life isn't fair, babe. You'll wait for me to come home. I'm not leaving work for this."

She sighed out, rubbing her thighs together at the thought of her husband getting annoyed at her in such a way. She smiled at the idea of working him up even more by letting him know what she would be doing while he was in his meeting. "Fine. I'll just go take a shower then, hmm?"

"God, baby, stop doing that."

"I'm not doing anything, Min."

"You know what you're doing. Don't send me these again today unless you want me to stay at work longer." His voice was strict, as if he was actually angry, yet she knew it was just a disguise so he wouldn't break under the pressure from his wife.

"M'kay, fine, you're boring. Go back to your meeting, babe, I love you."

"Love you too, I'll see you in a few hours."

"Take your time, Min! I'll just be here, wishing my fingers were yours." She hung up the phone, smirking as she realized how bothered she had just made her husband.

Armin stared at his phone in disbelief, the screen fading to black as he waited in the parking lot, trying not to think about his wife's pictures and what she was probably doing in that moment as he thanked God that he wore his larger slacks that day, as his physical issue wouldn't be as prominent when he walked back into the room.

Needless to say, he only stayed for two more hours at that meeting, after his wife had sent him an explicit audio recording.

<3

EEEEEEE i love lawyer!armin :)

pls pls pls lmk how you thought this was!!!!

i love you guyssssss

<3

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

7 Types of Rest

I've been reading a bit about this and jotting down some notes because the framework is helpful for communicating my different kinds of exhausted and gives me ideas on how to help myself more, and idk I thought I would share because I think other people might find it useful or interesting. I don't have just one article on it to recommend because unfortunately they are almost all trying to sell you their telehealth services or a meditation app or whatever.

**Disclaimer that resting isn't going to fix everything, examples of things to do aren't going to be accessible to everyone, they are just meant to be a start to brain storming, this is not medical advice etc...**

Physical - Relates to activities that are physically restorative

Mental - Relates to taking a break from mental stimulation

Spiritual - Relates to the fundamental need for belonging, purpose and acceptance

Emotional - Relates to being able to experience and express your real and authentic feelings

Sensory - Relates to giving your senses a break from stimulation

Social - Relates to feeling energized by spending time with people who contribute to your life in positive, supportive, and meaningful ways

Creative - Relates to appreciating beauty or feeling awe/wonder

Notes I made for "signs you need x type of rest" and actually getting that type of rest are under the cut. Again, they are personal so take them with a grain of salt. Also some of my notes on things I could do would definitely apply to others. I didn't want to keep writing "go outside" and "journal" for over half of them lol.

Physical Rest

Signs you may need physical rest

Feeling fatigued, body aches and pains

Feeling mentally sluggish or foggy

Getting some relief

Prioritize getting good quality sleep

Go on walks or engage in other gentle physical activity

Stretch throughout the day

Getting a massage (maybe trade with a friend or partner?)

Improve the ergonomics of your workspace

Mental Rest

Signs you may need mental rest

Unable to concentrate or recall simple things

Unable to relax

Racing thoughts

Getting some relief

Schedule breaks throughout the day

Write things down (can help racing thoughts or things you're worried about forgetting)

Do a satisfying activity that doesn't require much thought (example: coloring pages, simple craft)

Spiritual Rest

Signs you may need spiritual rest

Feeling lack of purpose or belonging

Getting some relief

Get involved in local community

volunteer

pray or meditate

Emotional Rest

Signs you may need emotional rest

Feeling weighed down

Stifling/suppressing feelings

Strong need to please others

Getting some relief

Talk to someone who allows you to be your authentic self

Participating in a peer support group

Journaling

Sensory Rest

Signs you may need sensory rest

Feeling energized at the start of the day, but becoming more irritable as the day progresses

Getting distracted by noises other people seem to be able to tune out

Getting some relief

Use dimmable lighting or lamps

Regularly set notifications to do not disturb

Use power strips to easily turn off multiple appliances at once

Avoid running loud appliances during busy parts of the day (ex. if washing machine is loud, don't run it while you're trying to pack and get out the door on time)

Social Rest

Signs you may need social rest

Feeling drained, exhausted

Feeling like your only interactions are with people who want/need something from you

Getting some relief

Nurture life-affirming, meaningful relationships

Make time for socializing with friends who don't "need" anything from you, where you can just enjoy each other's company

If you know you will be interacting with someone you find draining, make a plan to engage in social rest after

Creative Rest

Signs you may need creative rest

Feeling "blah"

Struggling with problem solving or brainstorming

Getting some relief

Go out in nature

Spend time in inviting spaces

Listen to music

Watch a skilled performer

Display items you find visually appealing in both home and work spaces

[ultralightpoe]

Scream Queen - Eddie Munson

Authors Note: Part 9 of my halloween event! ENJOYYYYYY!

Warnings: bullying, pig blood, inaccurate carrie bro

Word Count: 3272

Requests: OPEN

~2024 Halloween Event Masterlist

[Thank you for the gif @trishnell ]

ENJOY!

It was always funny how something can be so wrong than the way you thought it, how you could expect one thing and end up with something entirely different. Though in your defense you didn’t have a real view on the world besides what your Momma had told you throughout the years. Any ideas you had were…. terrifying . 

Eddie Munson for one. 

It was never meant to be a problem, you had spent the first years of your education at home with your Momma as a teacher until that man Benny from the diner reported her though you never understood what the issue was. You knew everything you needed to know, you knew what was a sin and what was the proper way to go. But then you were thrown into Hawkins High Freshman year and that began causing issues with Momma. She grew more and more upset with every passing day. 

“They are gonna ruin you.” She would sob, pressing her handmade cross into your back as you tried to stay silent.  “You’re never gonna get it. He will never accept you into his realm if you do this. You understand me?!”

So you did your best, because you wanted to be accepted into gods kingdom. 

You fasted, you didn’t talk to anyone else, you prayed in between classes and hid your skin from viewing. You did your best. 

But that was when Munson became an issue. 

It had been after school and you had known better than to dally, you should have gone straight home and started your prayers. But you had been upset about something that had happened during gym, feeling silly and embarrassed from what some of the other girls had said and it left you reeling. So you planted yourself on one of the benches outside the school and tried to calm yourself down. 

Like the devil himself stalking after his prey he had shown up, sliding onto the bench beside you easily, smiling like he had no worries at all as you tried not to inhale the scent he was wearing. 

“What’s on your mind?” He hummed, leaning his head to the side like a cat. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Do I know you?” You ask even though you knew too much about him already. Eddie, full name Edward. He sold ungodly things by the picnic spot during lunch and often fought Jason Carver. 

“Sorry I should introduced myself. Eddie Munson. Pleasure to meet you.” He smiled like it was nothing and held out his hand for you to shake, only for you to ignore it. Turning your head to the side like you weren’t at all interested in the many rings he adorned. “Right. Back to my main question, what’s got the pretty girl looking so glum?”

“Nothing.” You snap out, throat tightening at his words. 

“I thought god hated liars…”

“And what would you know about god?” You snap back, finally turning to look at him just in time to see his eyes widen a little with shock before his mouth spreads into a bigger smile. 

“I know a lot of thi-” Before he could finish his sentence a loud scream rung out through the air and both of your heads swiveled in the direction so quickly you were sure you felt a pop as you saw your mother rushing to you. 

Cutting your hair was a sin, and you had always been terrified to do so but you often brushed your hair when your mother wasn’t looking since you didn’t want her to think you were being too vain. The image of your mother and her wildly long and tangled hair was terrifying, or maybe it was the pure malice in her eyes as she surged forward. 

“AWAY FROM THE SATAN WORSHIPER! RIGHT THIS INSTANT!” She wailed, coming to grab your elbow and pull you up harshly. 

“Hey hey hey.” The long haired boy jumped up, rushing to grab the wrist that was holding onto your arm. “You can’t do that to her!” 

Your mother had no care for his attempt to free your arm as she began reciting an expel evil prayer in latin, shoving him away and dragging you forward. 

“Hey, you good?” He tries to ask again, but she pulls you away before you can say anything. And before you could realize she had shoved you in her car and you were pulled away from the school. 

She hadn’t let you back at school for a week. And when you were finally allowed back you’re back was sore with the amount of times she had burnt you with her cross. You couldn’t move really, and when you managed to it was just pain. 

But this was what you deserved, you knew you should have gone home as soon as school let out. 

You were surprised to find the long haired devil worshiper at your locker towards the end of the day, when you had a free period, and you tried wracking your brain with what he could say. Would he make fun of you for what he saw like anyone else would? Would he laugh? Would he grow horns and hiss?

Instead he doesn’t say anything when you walk up, instead he reaches out his hand slowly enough that you can take a second to look at the rings he wore before his palm opened up to reveal a red wrapper that read ‘Kit-Kat’. “Chocolate?”

“I can’t have that.” You shake your head, taking a step back as your mouth waters at the sight. You had nothing but crackers for the past week as a part of your penance, which was right considering you had broken your mothers rules. 

“Sure you can.”

“God doesn’t believe in gluttony.”

“Did he tell you that himself?” He whispers, leaning forward a bit with a fake look of astonishment like he was talking to his very own prophet. 

“You’re mocking me.”

“I’m not. I also know god says that denying a gift from someone looking to extend to a savior is a form of shutting out a chance to save them.” He moves closer, that kit-kat bar still in between you both. “Come on, save me.”

“Are you saying the candy bar is your way of looking for-”

“Sshh. Just take the candy pretty girl.” He huffs and you can’t help but bite your lip as you snatch it from him. You planned to throw it away the second he turned around but he seemed to be ahead of you as he pulled another bar out and ripped the package open, giving you a look to tell you he’s waiting. 

So you rip open your own package and you’re ashamed to admit the first thing you thought of was that it matched his eyes. That thought was quickly taken over the second you tried the chocolate, dissolving into the taste of it as it melted on your tongue. 

You got so lost in the flavor that you hadn’t realized that you shut your eyes, so when you opened them you realized he had a large smile on his face. “Good?”

“I have to go.” And you walk away before he can say anything else. 

But he doesn’t give up, instead seeing Eddie Munson became a regular occurrence. Every day he would be at your locker, talking to you and coming up with reason after reason to be there.  He brought chips, and he brought sandwiches and chocolate. At some point you gave up the futile attempt to deny it all and began talking to him more and more. He showed you books, he showed you music and the world began expanding. 

Over time he became the devil worshiper your mother had warned you about, into your friend. 

But then came the conversation of prom….. or …. The fight of prom. 

For the past two years you had told your mother you were attending after school programs you needed to graduate and she had believed it. You felt wrong for lying to your mother, and you were sure you would be going to hell. But for the past two years you were really spending the afternoons in Eddie Munsons trailer. 

The day you fought you had been curled up on his bed, reading one of the novels he had demanded you read as he pretended to catch up on homework when in all reality he was watching you read. 

“I can feel your eyes.” You whisper, looking up from the book where he doesn’t even pretend that wasn’t.

“I’m waiting for your reactions. You have the best reactions to the books.”

“You’re such a loser.” You smile, watching him stand up and hop onto the bed making it bounce before he crawled up to lay by you and see what page you were on. You read silently for another 5 minutes as he reads the pages over your shoulder before he sighs out in a manner you knew all too well. 

“You have a question for me.”

“No.”

“Then you wouldn’t be sighing in my ear.”

“People say they saw Jason Carver talking to you at lunch today.”

“Where’s the question in that?”

“Was….he?” 

“Yes-”

“Did he say something mean to you? I swear to god I will kill him if he -”

“He said that Chrissy wasn’t feeling good, that she would be missing prom. He wanted to know if I’d go with him.” 

“I’m sorry…. what ?”

“He asked if I would go with him. He said his parents talked to my mom about going and he thought it would help my chances of being able to go if she knew I was going with someone from the church.” You explain, turning to look at him only for him to stand up from the bed quickly and glare at you. 

“Tell me you said no.”

“What?”

“Tell me you said no!” He shouts, hands flying up like he was begging you. “Tell me you are not that stupid!”

Your mouth had flown open during his outburst, but the second the word stupid flies from his mouth it snaps shut as you blink back the immediate tears. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s a prank. You realize that right?”

“Says who?”

“Says anyone with common sense!” He snaps, shaking his head. “You really think Jason Carver is going to go to prom with the Jesus freak? The people who used to laugh at you everytime you walked down the hall? The people who still tease you behind your back?”

“He was trying to be nice!” 

“You’re being so stupid! You’re being an idiot!” 

“Is it really that hard to believe that he would be nice to me? You just think I’m the laughing stock of the school because of my beliefs right? That’s it?”

“Right, your beliefs.” He scoffs. “Nothing but a whacked out cult.” 

“Don’t ever speak to me again.” You seethe, shoving the book you had been reading away and grabbing your shoes.

“No. YOU don’t ever speak to me again.” He snaps back, kicking the book away as he stormed out of his room with you hot on his heels, swinging to the door and pulling it open. “You want to be stupid and fall for this spectacle then be my guest.”

“You want to die alone with no friends then that’s on you!”

“Right, at least i’m not some high school sellout that’s going lose her virginity in the back of a buick. Tell me, do you think your god would approve of that?”

“Don’t ever talk to me again.” You snap once more, walking out his front door only for him to slam the door shut so harshly it shook on it’s hinges. 

You couldn’t stop crying the entire walk home. 

- 

Nervous wasn’t the right word to describe how you were feeling the night of prom. 

Jason Carver had been right, he had convinced your mother that he was godly enough to go to prom with and she would allow it. She had even made you a dress for the evening out of silk fabric. 

Over the past few months with Eddie you had gained some weight that he always said was healthy, and though she made comments about it you couldn’t stop the bubble of excitement in your chest at the image of yourself in the mirror. You had filled out the dress nicely, with hips that flared and round cheeks that held your blush. 

Your hair was soft, thoroughly brushed. She had made you a sheer slip to cover your shoulders and you had just finished putting the look together when Jason arrived to pick you up. You tried not to think about Eddie the entire ride there, and you tried to pretend you were calm as you walked into the gym with him. 

His friends were being nice, they all talked to you with wide smiles. Though they hadn’t spoken to you much before you got a little excited at the fact that they were speaking to you now. 

Jason didn’t want to dance much so you sat alongside him at the table, feet tapping to the beat as you imagined what Eddie would have done if he were here. He would have dragged you to the dance floor, made some off beat dance before making a plate of food and joked about spiking the punch. 

But he hated these dances, he had never once attended a dance throughout highschool. He claimed that it was all full with sellouts and nothing but a waste of time. 

And yet you still wished he was here. 

“Ladies and gentleman…. I’m sorry to interrupt but it is time to announce your prom king and queen.” The principal calls through the mic and Jason practically jumps out of the seat, pulling you with him. He kept a grip on your hand the entire time as you both made your way through the crowd to listen in. “After reading the votes we are glad to announce that your Prom King is….. JASON CARVER!”

The crowd around you screams in excitement as he cries out and runs up the stage, and you feel lost for a second, ready to leave before someone stops you. 

“And your prom queen made for your prom king is…. “ And the world seems to stop as he calls your name, and once you expect people to sit in silence or boo you’re shocked to see people turn to you in excitement as they cheer. They usher you to the stage and your heart beats through your chest so fast you are sure you might be sick. 

The  lights are hot on your skin as they hand you flowers, and tears begin falling down your cheeks as they place the crown on your head. 

Eddie was wrong. 

You think the words as the girl kisses your cheek before making sure the crown is straight. 

Eddie was worried about nothing. 

The principal squeezes your shoulder before stepping back as he announces that you would stand next to Jason for a photo. 

Eddie is going to be proud. 

You realize that Jason was standing a little too far from you, but as you move to take a step to him your vision is blocked suddenly as a gooey liquid covers your entire body. 

“PIG!” Is the only word you hear, shouted by a large group as your hands fly up in a panic to clear your eyes as you take a deep inhale. The flowers fall to the ground and when you move to dash off you end up tripping over them, your knees hitting the stage floor with a harsh thud, pain shooting through your leg. 

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Someone asks as you dash through the crowd sobbing, tripping over the heels once you reach the hall. You rip them off, leaving them behind as you flee. 

You don’t make it far, for at the main entrance stood none other than Eddie Munson wearing a suit with a small bouquet in his hands, staring at you like the world was ending. 

“No.” He whispers, taking a single step forward before it all breaks and you launch yourself at him. Within an instant he has his arms around you, lifting you with ease and spinning you a bit. 

He holds you for a minute before setting you down as you cry,  grabbing your arm softly to lead you to the van and make an escape. No words are spoken as he drives, and no words are spoken as he helps you inside the house. You walk silently in an attempt not to bother his uncle, only for him to shake his head and point to the empty spot where his uncle's car usually is before leading you to the bathroom. 

He leads you to sit on the toilet before leaning to start the water, feeling it with his hand to wait for it to heat up to the right temp while you stared without blinking. Your eyes had tears in them but if you didn’t blink then they wouldn’t keep falling. 

“It was a prank.” You croak out, your chest tightening as you can’t fight off the tears anymore. He is quick to slide over and grab your hands softly to pull your attention. 

“It was an overdone and cliche prank. Honestly if you ask me they just did you a huge favor.” He scoffs, rubbing at some of the red that was on your hand from when you wiped the red off. “I mean, getting carrie’d? Biggest compliment EVER?”

“Carrie’d?” 

“Carrie’d. Stephen King style.” He nods, tapping your chin gently before helping you stand. “Let’s get this off of you.”

“It was homemade.” You explain when his fingers trace down your sides to get to the bottom and lift it over your head. 

“You looked great. Very-”

“Piggish?”

“Perfect.” He responds before slipping it off and leading you to the shower. He gives you a minute to sink into the warmth of the water before he returns in just his boxers, reaching in to help run your hair under the water and get the stains out. The water at the drain was nothing but red as he washed, humming a bit to cheer you up. 

After 5 washes your hair still has some paint stuck in it but you are feeling a little better, so when he pulls you out of the shower and helps you climb into one of his shirts and boxers you’ve stopped crying. Or maybe you just ran out of tears. 

Nonetheless he leads you to his room and you both land on the bed, laying on your sides to stare at each other, he lets you run the pads of your fingers across his face and hair. 

“You came to prom…”

“It doesn’t count. Not in the slightest.” He huffs, rolling his eyes. “I just had to make sure my girl didn’t end up in the back of a buick.”

“That’s for sellouts.”

“Now you’ve got it.”

- 

“Too cliche?” You ask, coming into the apartment kitchen where Eddie sat on the counter stuffing a sandwich into his face. The second his eyes land on you in the costume he smiles from ear to ear and lets out a firm ‘HELL YEAH!’

“Eddie-”

“Right. Right. No hell.” He nods, hopping off the counter to come closer to you and feeling at the makeup made to look like blood. “Carrie’d. This time in style.”

“Freddie Krueger. This time not a pervert.” You smile back, fixing his hat. 

“Ready for your first halloween?”

“You know it.”

-

[Thank you for the gif @drogonstone ]

[tkaulitzlvr]

Can you maybe write 2010 toms reaction and hc's for the reader being pregnant?

UNEXPECTED - T. KAULITZ

synopsis: you have to tell tom some unexpected news, and his reaction isn’t what you had hoped for.

content: angst

a/n: thank you so much for the request, i am so bad at head canons so i just did a fic, i hope that’s okay!!

my hands shakily clutched at the test, tears rolling down my flushed cheeks as i hoped that somehow, my eyes were deceiving me. positive, the test reads, the eight letters staring back at me, reminding me over and over that they are very real, and i can’t back out of this.

tom and i were always careful, using protection every time we had sex to stop things like this from happening. we were young and foolish, as every 21 year old is, not ready to welcome a child of our own into the world, the thought of it scaring me so much, never thinking that it would become a reality so soon. it wasn’t that we didn’t ever want kids, but tom was constantly on tour, away from home for weeks and though i always went with him, it just wouldn’t be right to take a child with us. we had always discussed starting a family, both of us coming to the mutual conclusion that now just wasn’t the right time.

which is what terrified me even more, tom’s reaction worrying me as i just couldn’t guess what it would be. he was currently at the studio with the band, and he would be home any minute now, evening dawning over us as he had no idea of the news i was about to bring to him.

i sat on the couch, the test stuffed into the back pocket of my jeans, my eyes fixed on whatever was on the tv, but my mind was elsewhere, waiting for the door to open and tom to walk through it, praying that he wouldn’t freak out. there was no time left to just hope, the door handle turning as tom steps through, baggy jacket clad to his figure, reminding me just how cold it is outside. he takes his shoes off, announcing a quick “i’m home my love”, before entering the living room, a smile appearing on his face once he sees me.

he walks towards the sofa, sitting down beside me and embracing me in a hug. my body begins to shake as i can no longer hold back the tears, tom noticing and quickly pulling away, studying my face and the sorrow etched upon it.

“baby, what’s wrong?” he replies, concerned, holding my face and kissing my forehead, attempting to wipe the tears as he awaits my response.

“you promise you won’t get mad?” i manage to let out between sobs, my words almost inaudible, yet he clearly understands what i say, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“what? why would i be mad? you can tell me anything, you know that.” he says, much more composed than i am, his heart aching to see me in this state. “now what’s wrong? please, talk to me schatz.”

my eyes meet his for the first time, bloodshot and glassy, whilst his hurriedly scan my face, the worry only increasing in his own as every second passes that i don’t confess. i can’t bring myself to say the two words “i’m pregnant”, because the second i do, it will truly become real, my mind in some twisted sort of denial, telling myself that if i don’t admit it, it will somehow go away. so, instead of saying what is wrong, i decide to show him, reaching hesitantly into my back pocket and placing the pregnancy test in his hands.

he looks downwards, finally seeing the reason why i am so upset. his body tenses up, his mouth hanging open in shock the only thing he is able to do. i cant tell if he is happy, excited, or completely angry, all i know is that he cannot believe his eyes. the tears continue to spill down my cheeks, praying that he will reassure me that everything will be okay, but the twisting feeling in my stomach provides me with the terrifying realisation that i’m not going to receive that comfort.

“please say something.” i whisper, my voice shaky as he still hasn’t moved or even looked at me, his eyes fixed on the pregnancy test in his palm of his hands.

“is this real?” he mutters, refusing to look at me, his hands trembling a little.

“it’d be a pretty fucked up joke tom.” i reply, angry at his ridiculous question but not in any position to consider causing an argument, knowing that is the last thing i need right now.

“i just- i don’t know what to say. i’m not ready for this.” he confesses, finally looking upwards as his gaze meets mine, his eyes now glazed with tears, yet he isn’t sad - i see a glare within them that cannot be mistaken for anything else but anger.

“i’m not either tom, you know this. i don’t know what to do.” i put my head in my hands, sobbing even more now, my breathing fast and irregular. my mind longs for any sort of comfort from him, even a little reassurance, a half-hearted ‘it’s gonna be okay’, even though it would be a lie, it would be the most perfect one he ever told, because it would give me a million times more consolation than i am receiving right now. but he stays silent, biting his lip, almost as if he is stopping himself from truly speaking his mind.

“i can’t do this.” he finally says, standing up and walking out of the living room, exiting the house as he closes the front door behind him with a slam.

my breathing begins to quicken, my heart rate increasing as the worst possible scenario is suddenly becoming true in front of my eyes. if me finding out that i was pregnant wasn’t enough, tom leaving only placed the cherry on my cake, a sickening sense of guilt now punching me in the gut, stabbing a knife in the wound as i begin to feel nothing but completely stupid for letting this happen, blaming it all on myself. my sobs are muffled within my hands as my head rests there, my entire body trembling as i long to be in his arms, him telling me that it would be okay, that we would get through this. instead, the cold air is my only company, leaving me in it’s icy embrace, giving me the constant reminder that i am alone.

it is this reminder that sticks with me until my eyes begin to feel heavy, my body falling into a deep sleep, providing me with a temporary distraction from reality.

warm hands. two large, warm hands are what wake me from my sleep as they caress my face gently, contrasting with the coldness of the entire house.

“love?” i hear a familiar voice whisper, finally opening my eyes to see tom kneeled beside me, his own bloodshot from crying.

“why are you here?” i ask, anger quickly filling my veins, the reminder of how quickly he left, betrayed me like it was nothing, flooding my memory.

“i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have left like that. i was just so shocked, and i backed out, and i shouldn’t have. we can talk about this, if you’re ready to.” he softly says as i sit up, moving his hands off my face.

“you left me.” i mutter, the tears already threatening to fall. “i wanted your support, and you left me. you fucking left me when i needed you most! do you know how shitty that feels? all day, i’ve felt guilty, and i find the courage to tell you and then you fucking bail on me?”

“i know and i’m so sorry my love. i didn’t expect it, i reacted in the wrong way-”

“what you think i did expect it? you think i’ve been throwing up for the past two weeks and i wanted it to happen? do you know how hard it’s been to hide my suspicions, because i didn’t want to scare you until i knew for sure, and then you run away because you didn’t expect it? the one time, the one time i fucking need you here and you leave me.” i sob, my voice breaking as i shake my head, standing up and walking away, tom quickly following me to the kitchen where i stand, my front against the counter, head in my hands.

he says nothing, but wraps his arms around my waist from behind, his thumbs running along my stomach comfortingly, lips pressing small kisses on my shoulder as i slowly begin to calm down. we both stand in silence, tom never loosening his hold on me, finally speaking up once my breathing has slowed a little.

“i’m sorry. i’m so so sorry. you didn’t deserve that at all. i promise you, i’ll never leave you like that again, not for a second.” he whispers, turning me around so that my chest is flush against his, his arms securely around my waist.

“why did you do that tom? you have no idea how scared i am.” i say, my words slightly muffled as my head is buried into his t-shirt, my arms clinging onto his neck.

“ i’m so sorry. i’m sorry.” he keeps repeating, kissing my forehead over and over between his words, never once letting go of me.

“what are we going to do?” i sigh, appreciating the fact that we have made up, but knowing that it doesn’t change the situation or make the reality any easier to swallow.

“i don’t know baby, i don’t know. but whatever you decide, i’ll be right here, always. i promise, i’ll always be here.” he affirms, and the sincerity of his voice tells me that i can believe every single one of his words.

“i love you tom.” i say, the words slipping from my mouth naturally as they are the only ones that come to mind.

“i love you too.”

requests are open! keep sending them in!!

[evdarlin]

School Kid Crush

*A/N okay so this is the first thing I've wrote since I was like 18 writing about one direction so I'm sorry if its complete dog shit. I tried and kinda want to make it a series maybe if people actually like it but yeah be easy on me pls*

From the moment that I met Spencer Agnew on my very first day at Smosh as the new Games PA, we instantly clicked. We would spend every lunch together quoting obscure movies or Family Guy. We hung out at each other’s apartments many weekends, me just watching him play video games or forcing him to watch Bridgerton with me. There was something there and I think we all could feel it. Spencer was always the one I could go to geek out about the things I always thought I was being annoying talking about. It was almost like I had met my other half which could only be explained as the most terrifying but best feeling in the world. The whole office knew that there was something there but I might be speaking for myself but I did not want to act on it solely from my own relationship problems and that we were coworkers and did not want to make things so complicated. So for now, we are just good good friends who might just be completely infatuated with each other.

Walking into the Smosh office on Friday morning felt like every other morning on the last day of the week. I didn’t get enough sleep and would rather have been curled up back in my bed asleep but someone has to pay rent. Once I arrived at my desk directly across from Courtney’s, I could see that some sweet angel had placed my dear alani drink right in front of my computer. There was only one person who could have brought that for me and I knew it was Spencer so I took off to the Games pod to thank him dearly. 

“Have I ever told you that you are a godsend and have saved my life on multiple occasions?” I say while walking up to Spencer’s desk.

“Well yes but have I ever told you that you are severely overdramatic with your words?” He said as he swiveled around in his chair.

“Alright that’s rude but I’ll let it slide since you brought me a drink sir.” I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the little couch in the small space. The office was pretty quiet this morning which is unusual but I welcomed it. “How long do you think it’s going to take before someone is yelling in here?”

“I say give it about ten minutes when Angela comes in and sees that she has to take care of that baby today” Spencer laughed and almost on cue heard Chanse cackling at Angela.

“Are you going to Courtney and Shayne’s combined bachelor party tonight?” Spencer suddenly looked nervous asking this question which is new for him around me that is.

“Yeah, I was going to head home after work to change then head over to the place, are you going?” I asked, praying and hoping he was going not wanting to miss a chance to hang out with him outside of these four walls of the Smosh office. 

“Well seeing as you just said you were going then absolutely I am. Um, can I pick you up and drive you to the party maybe?” There it was again, the nervous look on his face. 

“Of course!” I said maybe a little too fast and too enthusiastic, “I mean yeah that would be okay, that way I could have at least one or two drinks while I’m there.” I did not recover from that at all but maybe he won’t notice but seeing that smirk on his face, I am wrong.

“Then I will be there to pick you up at 7:30ish, does that sound okay?” Spencer asked, seeming to be a lot more relaxed now that I said yes.

“Sure! That gives me plenty of time, see you later Spen!” I gave him a small wave and walked back to my desk to get started on my small list of tasks I mentally gave myself to get done before filming started and I had zero free time until 5 p.m. As I walked back to my desk I was brought back to how nervous Spencer was asking me if he could drive me to the party. I mean we carpool sometimes to work and even ride together to function outside of the workplace so this shouldn’t be any different right? Oh god, is this a date? Does he know it’s a date? It can’t be a date when it’s Courtney and Shayne’s day right? I’m spiraling and don’t even notice that I ran right into Tommy.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I wasn’t paying attention at all!” I stopped to make sure I didn’t cause some huge mess by running into him.

“It’s okay Y/N! You were really deep into thought there love, you doing okay?” Tommy asked with concern written all over his face, I suppose you can tell I was going through it up in my head.

“Uh well not really but I’ll be okay.” We both started walking towards our desks, I hoped to change the subject so I no longer had to think about what’s going on inside my head but Tommy had other ideas.

“Is it Spencer? I can totally fight him if you need me to or I can hide his Kickstarters until he apologizes to you.” Tommy giggled but stopped as soon as he saw how deep red my face had become.

“Wha- How did you know?” You mean to tell me the rest of the office knew how I truly felt about Spencer, shit.

“Oh honey, the man is completely infatuated with you and I also know you’re infatuated with him. I truly thought you guys were already together and just keeping it a secret for personal reasons. You know it’s okay to like him right? I know about the whole relationship problems you’ve had in the past but I don’t think Spencer is like that actually I know he’s not.” Tommy stopped walking to put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

“Nope, nope, nope. You’re wrong, I know of no such infatuation you speak of Tommy Bowe.” I avoided eye contact the entire time but eventually sighed, “Is it that obvious?”

“Eh, kind of but hey it’s okay to like someone even if you guys work together. You guys have been attached at the hip ever since you started here and I think you might be the same person. I do not think he’s going to ghost you like every other piece of shit man who has entered your life.” Tommy knew more than maybe anyone about how much self doubt I have put on myself from constantly just men stopping talking to me out of nowhere. It didn’t matter if he said he was different, none of them were. They all were the same.

“I know he is a good person Tommy but I’m not sure I could deal with losing him as a friend and even worse I would have to see him every single day at work. I promise I’m just in my head a little bit, I’ll be okay.” I gave my most convincing smile and headed to my computer to start on my work for the day.

The work day honestly flew by without any more emotional spirals even at lunch when I could see Tommy giving me those knowing looks from across the table anytime Spencer did anything remotely nice for me. I left the office the minute it hit 5 p.m. just wanting to get out of there, I didn’t even wait for Spencer to walk with him in the parking lot. I needed to get to the comfort of my apartment and be alone before I had a full blown panic attack, not to mention I needed to get ready for this party. I made it home in record time with just enough time to get ready and sit in silence and think about what I should do. I decided to say screw it and just bring up my conversation with Tommy and see what happens. Do I know what’s going to happen? Not at all but you know what I need to do something to stop this spiral. I grabbed my bag and headed out the door was I saw that Spencer said he was outside. Spencer was waiting outside his car for me and even opened the door for me, what a gentleman. 

“You were nowhere to be found after work dude, where the hell did you go?” Spencer asked, closing the door as I settled into the front seat.

“Sorry, I started feeling bad so I had to get out of there. Hope you didn’t get attacked in the parking lot without your guard dog.” I laughed as he started his car and headed towards the place where the party was being held.

“You are literally shorter than me which is saying a lot but I was a damsel in distress and you just left me alone to die.” Spencer pretended to wipe a fake tear and looked over at me giggling. “But were you okay? Like nothing happened right?”

“Yeah I was fine, Tommy just got me thinking and I just got a little overwhelmed but promise I am perfectly fine now!” I smiled and let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding in. “It um actually was about you if I’m being honest?” 

“Me? I swear whatever it was I didn’t do it.” Spencer threw his hands up but I grabbed the wheel and gave him a glare.

“He did say that if you hurt my feelings he was going to hide your drinks until you apologize to me,” I looked over at him preparing myself for what I was going to say next, “He also said he thought we were together and were pulling a Courtney and Shayne”. 

“Hm, Tommy thinks we’re famous enough to hide our relationship like that? Wow, I am flattered.” Spencer laughed looking over at me then stopped because he realized this might be a serious conversation. “Wait, being in a relationship with me sounds so terrifying to you that you had to book it out of the office?” I looked over and saw that we had already arrived at the place but I knew our conversation was not going to end just because we were here.

“No! I just got in my head and was so scared that if you knew that I had this massive ass school kid crush on you, it would ruin this friendship we have built. I have no clue what I would do if you were not in my life, Spencer, honestly.” I realized I have just told him about this crush I have on him with my word vomit so there was no turning back now. “I like you alright, I like you a lot and it’s so damn scary because I’m terrified to lose you in any sense of my life.”

“A massive crush you say?” Spencer started giggling and all I could do was glare at him ready to smack that smirk off his face. “I like you too dummy, I thought you knew already and just saw me as your dorky coworker who also is your best friend. I promise you’re not losing me anytime soon. You’re stuck with me now babe.” He smiled and leaned over to give me a soft kiss. A kiss that I think I have been waiting for what felt like years, a kiss that seemed to let go over all of my insecurities and finally felt safe and confident in a relationship. “Now, let’s go into this party and steal Courtney and Shayne’s thunder.”

We started to walk to the door of the place, hand in hand, and ready to face all of our coworkers. The only thing you can hear as soon as we walked into the room was a far away “FUCK YEAH” which I can only place as Angela screaming.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

As I've gotten deeper in conversion, I have increasingly imagined jewish life throughout time. And what I mean by that is...

So when I looked at the Western Wall before this (maybe a few years ago), I just saw a wall. It held no deeper meaning than that. I imagined nothing when I saw that.

But now when I look at the wall or even when I'm praying idly, I'm imagining myself in the temple when it stood there. It's bright outside - a summer day so bright, I think the temple will blind me. A soft wind surrounds me. I'm stood in the middle of a huge crowd of people, simply observing. Women pass by me in small crowds, laughing and talking. Some of these women are wrangling their small children who keep running away, laughing like it's a game. And men walk by smelling of spices. The air is light, the city around bustling with people living fulfilling, meaningful jewish life. The wall now symbolizes that jewish life, and even though it's not just about the temple when I imagine it, it means something to me.

I think that's the result of seeing myself in judaism, turning the "you" into a "we," and I feel about this what I must imagine a married couple feels.

[peaches2217]

So, uh… tonight was cathartic as hell. Remember how I was raised in a church that became a cult and how it’s left me with thirteen metric tons of religious trauma, which I’ve only recently been able to start working through?

Tonight, I did something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time: I went back one last time to say goodbye.

We had a Blue Christmas service this evening at my church. I planned to attend just because it seemed like it would be peaceful, but it ended up opening my eyes to a loooooot of pain and grief I’m still holding onto. Today was the church I was raised in’s annual candlelight communion service in honor of Christmas. My whole family was there, except for me. I invited them to the Blue Christmas service and our own candlelight communion this coming Tuesday, and they rejected the offers, just as they’ve rejected every other invitation I’ve extended to them. My dad always said he wanted nothing more than for me to seek God with my whole heart, and now I’m finally in a place where I feel safe enough that I can… and it’s driven a wedge between us, because he’s convinced God could never reveal Himself to me so long as I’m openly and unrepentantly trans. This isn’t the first Christmas I haven’t gone to church with him, but it’s the first Christmas I’ve spent in church alone, and I didn’t realize until tonight how heavy my heart is as a result.

I ended up planting myself at the alter and just praying for a good twenty minutes after the service proper ended. There wasn’t any divine revelation, I just gave up all my fears and concerns and sorrows. About halfway through I felt a hand on my shoulder, and it stayed there until I finally got back up. It was one of my pastors, and he prayed with me until I was done; he offered me a hug and told me quietly that “God delights in you,” and that, no matter what I face, I won’t have to face it alone; God is always with me, and he and his wife (who’s the head pastor) will always welcome me. Talk about not even knowing what you needed to hear until you hear it. I was choking up. 😆

I sat outside and watched the stars for a bit because I just… didn’t wanna go home. I never do when I’m at church. I felt like there was more that needed to be done or experienced. Ultimately I decided to drive around for a little bit and just let my thoughts run wild. And as luck would have it, the path I chose took me past the church I was raised in… which was completely abandoned. They usually have evening service, but since it’s the last Sunday before Christmas, no service tonight.

I’m not really sure what compelled me to pull in, much less to get out of my car. But I did, and then my feet just started moving, and once I started, I didn’t wanna stop.

I visited as many places as I could without access to the inside of the church and just remembered. “This is the door that led to my dad’s Divorce Care class. I’d always poke my head in on Wednesday nights to see if I could nab some candy from the crystal bowl.” “This is where the swing set used to be. I’d play sick so I could swing instead of having to sit through sermons. Lots of lectures happened here.” “This is the AC unit I hid behind one of the last times I attended a service here. I hid here and cried and prayed someone would find me there and assure me I wasn’t as alone as I felt. No one did.”

Once I finished circling the outside of the church, I stood on the bridge overlooking the fish pond in front for a bit, because that was one of my favorite places to linger growing up. The rocks, the planks, everything was exactly how I remembered them. Then I waved at the nearest security camera, hopped back in my car, and pulled away. It seems kinda silly recounting it now, but I thanked the church and said “goodbye” out loud, then I was off down the road and I didn’t look back.

I don’t know if this will actually be helpful in the long run or if it truly gave me lasting closure. But for tonight, there’s peace. I’ve said my goodbyes on my own terms, and now I’m moving ahead, and for tonight at least, that’s enough.

(I also got this cool picture of one of the crosses on the side of the church. A cult it may be, but it’s a well-decorated cult. 😂)