#to now his dad telling tk how lucky his son is to have him

[guardian-angle22]

S2E8 -> S4E4

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Instincts

Daryl Dixon x reader [pt.2]

Daryl finds a woman with her newborn pup, taking them into the group. Slowly their bond grows stronger.

The group traveled by foot after losing their vehicles. Tired and worn they walked on the road when Daryl decided to move into the woods to hunt while the others rested.

"Don't leave for too long, we gotta find shelter." Were the last words he caught before he walked off.

He got lucky finding two squirrels rather quick, but his nose caught a different scent he couldn't ignore.

With the squirrels strung over his shoulder he moved through the forest, not a sound as he stalked low to the ground and using all his heightened senses to seek out the source of the scent. He usually never went after anything other than food on these short hunts, but his instincts were screaming to go with his guts and follow his nose on this one.

The scent grew stronger and he could now tell apart all the separate ones. Human, low to the ground. And wolf, like him. He was either walking into something amazing, or he walked to his doom. He'd find out soon enough seeing his target wasn't moving.

"Hey, ouch! Come on, what did I tell you about those teeth.." a sigh left your lips as you softly rubbed the cheek of your son, who was nursing huddled against your torso as you sat against a large tree, partially hidden by low greenery. "God damn, what child has teeth this sharp at a couple days old.."

You were so focused on the feeding child that you didn't catch the man who appeared from behind the tree until a crossbow was aimed at you.

The second you saw you curled around your child, eyes closed and waiting for it tk be over.

Daryl heard the voice of a woman complain. Teeth, babies. Weird. But he now had her location pinpointed to behind a large tree, and made quick strides to round the tree, crossbow at the ready.

The woman came into view and so did her child. He watched her duck around it and waited, but Daryl dropped his crossbow instead and turned around before the blush creeping up on his face could be seen.

"M'sorry. Didn' mean ta watch ya feed." You watched the man's back, one hand lifted and the other holding his crossbow loosely. You shuffled your layers back over your chest with lots of vocal protests of the fuzzy newborn in your arms. His whines and grumbles were so strange to you, never had you heard a newborn sound like that. But then again, you never had seen a newborn like this.

"So, what's a human doin' with a werewolf pup on 'er own? Where's dad?" He still had his back to you and kept his distance, knowing full well he needed to keep his scent off the new mom and child if he wanted to survive. Male werewolves were insanely protective of their newborns.

"Human mom's traveling with her son, surviving like everyone else out here." You weren't going to respond to that last bit. Not now, not yet.

"Righ, if yer alone ya can tag along. Got a group tha' won't mind havin' ya an' the pup." He had turned his head and peeked if you were decent again, fully turning to catch your response when he saw you were covered up. "How do you know what he is? You're too okay with this."

Daryl let out a soft, breathy laugh and sat on his haunches to be at eye level with you. "They're common where I'm from." His voice was so calm as you stared at the smile on his face. You watched him stare at your son who was squirming in your arms. He was restless and you couldn't understand why.

"If yer comin' I gotta ask ya sum questions." Daryl was back on his feet again, ready to start heading back.

"I want to join you." Your answer was quickly given, much to Daryl's surprise. "I'm alone, and have no clue how to raise him so if I can stick around and get help from people who know his kind I'd be forever grateful."

Daryl let out a grunt of approval and nodded for you to follow him as you both exchanged names. He still made sure to keep a respectful distance from you in case dad was still around, but easily led you all back to the road where his group still rested.

"Hey! Daryl's back." "Wait, who's that?" "He found someone?"

"Did you ask her?" Rick's voice cut through the chatter and watched his friend shake his head no. He stepped over to you but was held back by a strong arm before he could get close, only letting out a simple warning. "Keep yer distance."

You watched the man give Daryl a look before turning back to you. "So, miss. How many walkers have you killed?"

You gave him a funny look, unsure who in their right mind kept track of something like that. "A bunch. Mostly avoided them lately, I assume you can guess why." You gave the pup in your arms a look, but averted your eyes back to the other man who continued his questionnaire. "How many people have you killed?"

Fuck. "Two."

"Why?" The question came so fast you had no time to even think.

"First one turned when we were asleep. Hid a bite and I'm a light sleeper." The man raised his brows, a clear sign he was waiting for number two.

"I killed his dad." You nodded to the pup again. "Tried to kill me and take him when my water broke. Guy was a psycho." You looked down at your arms, bundling your son even closer to you at the memory.

Suddenly Daryl stepped closer to you, holding out a hand and watching as the almost fully black furred pup stared at him with big eyes and made grabby hands at his fingers.

"Ya had him on yer own?" You nodded at Daryl's question and ran a hand through your son's fur. "I'm still sore.. having to move around immediately after is the absolute worst."

Seeing you were alone and with a child you weren't seen as a threat and allowed to travel with the group, much to your relief. You never expected your life to get even a little bit better, but now that you were traveling along with more folks you felt content. They watched your back when you fed your son and had a very handsome man help you feed him leftover meats from his hunts.

You were falling for him. Your son was absolutely in love with the man and you were starting to head in that direction too.

It wasn't helping your case that you r son wouldn't let anyone else but you and Daryl carry him, so when your arms were too sore to keep going he had to step in and stay close to you.

Your group shared dog meat and cheered in the rain, all the way to the point of the rain turning into a storm and having to run to seek shelter.

That’s how you ended up where you were now, all together huddled in a barn, desperately trying to catch up on some sleep while Rick kept first watch, but your don wasn’t helping the situation at all. He was whining his little lungs out with no signs of stopping. You had walked around with him, tried to breastfeed and give him some meat but he wanted none of it. Carol had offered to look him over but quickly retreated when a small clawed paw swiped at her when she reached out for his tummy. You were desperate, on the verge of tears as soft sniffles escaped your lips. Not being able to quiet down the whining pup was bad enough already, to have you crying on top of that would be the absolute worst. You pulled him close to your chest, his side against the soft flesh of your exposed chest, hoping the feel of your warmth would help but again it did nothing.

On the other side of the barn Daryl had settled, just around a corner and out of view. He had been trying to sleep for longer than most, but was having a much worse time than them. The pup’s whines weren’t directed at the others. They were for him.

With the distance between him and you there was no chance you’d hear his frustrated growls under his breath. Each peak in whines had him quietly snarl until eventually he couldn’t handle the child’s desperate cries anymore.

“Can ya tell yer kid I ain’t his goddamn dad?!” His voice rang through the barn, a deep growling tone to it that scared you so bad you lost the ability to hold back the tears you were trying to keep at bay, and had your pup go from whining to full on crying. Loud scraping howls and cries shook his tiny body, no attempts to shush him succeeding.

On the other end of the barn you could hear the soft groans of Judith waking up and quickly joining the chorus of cries. With her awake and crying now as well the mood in the whole barn dropped to a heavy negative. On one end you tried to shush the pup and on the other end the rest of the women huddled around the young girl to quiet her down.

From your angle you could see Abraham sit up from his spot next to Daryl who remained hidden behind a low wall. You watched the large man reach out his arm and whack it beside him, earning him an annoyed snarl from where Daryl laid. “Get yer ass up to the lady and her pup so we can all get some shut-eye.” Another rude snarling noise sounded and it was returned with another harsh smack. “Get movin’ or I’m gonna get the lady and plant her pretty little self and the noisemaker in your lap myself.”

Abraham’s words made you softly giggle, but you quieted down when a tired grunt came from beside him and Daryl came into view. He rubbed a hand over his face and stretched out his back as he moved over to you with his sleeping bag in hand. “Move over.” His voice was stern, and you complied immediately, scooting over to make space for him between you and the low wooden wall. With his appearance the pup’s cries had gone down to sniffles and hiccups, his paws outstretched in Daryl’s direction while he was laying out his sleeping bag.

On his way to lay down your pup managed to wiggle himself from your grasp and clamp himself around Daryl’s arm, who had to pry him off while you apologized on his behalf.

“Ain’t yer fault.” His voice was barely above a whisper as he laid down and pulled the pup against his chest. With his one free arm he grabbed you by the shoulder and pulled you closer too, laying you opposite him with the pup nestled in between you. Almost immediately he calmed down and curled up to sleep. “M’sorry fer yellin’. Jus’ tired.”

You forgave him immediately, thanking him for going out of his comfort zone and sleeping with the two of you.

The barn was finally quiet, safe for the rain still pouring outside, and sleep soon took over.

The next morning you woke up to a pain in your chest. Jerking up you almost smacked Daryl who was now grumbling as he was woken up by your sudden movement.

He watched you sit up with a hand covering your breast, inspecting it by peeking down the neckline of your shirt while an eager furball made grabby hands at your chest.

“I think I’m gonna head out the door and feed him. Need some fresh air after last night..” Daryl followed suit after your words, he had some confessions to make and properly apologize for making your son behave the way he did last night. You watched him follow you from the corner of your eye and held the door ajar for him. With a soft thanks he shut the barn door behind him, crossbow in hand. He still kept his back to you as you sat down against the outside of the barn and got ready to feed the pup. He's always turn away until you started talking again, signaling you were decent enough.

You watched Daryl pace in front of you, chewing the side of his thumb in thought. "Hey, what's wrong?" Truth being, his pacing was making you really nervous.

He let out a groan and stopped his pacing, now nervously shifting his weight from one foot to another. "We gotta talk. S'about the pup." He shook off his nerves and sat down with you.

"Was he really crying for you last night? You yelled at him about not being his dad." You knew that. He was a kind stranger who helped you with your child.

"He kept whinin' fer me ta hold 'em." He's unsure how to continue. He had to tell you the truth before the pup entirely imprinted on him, if it wasn't already too late.

"Back when I found ya it weren't by chance. Picked up yer scent an' sniffed ya out. Got excited when I caught 'nother wolf."

He watched your face go from focused to confused at his last sentence. Deciding words weren't going to help him right now he raised his hand into view, taking a deep breath and letting his claws come out. Fhe skin of his finger pads darkened as his nails thickened and extented into full claws. "Pup thinks 'm his dad. Didn' think it'd happen so quick, m'sorry."

As you watched Daryl's hand change, yous son squirmed out of your grasp with all his might and plopped into Daryl's lap and grabbed at his wrist.

"So, we co-parent now? You know I'm mkre than fine being with a werewolf." Oh god, those weren't the words you meant. Yiu weren't telling him you were into him like that. Wait. Could he have sensed it already when you thought about it earlier?

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks as you watched him try to keep your son from climbing on top of him even more.

"Ya still ne'er named him, didya?" Daryl felt the change in energy and decided to change the topic. He remembered one of the women asking for the pup's name and you admitting to never giving him one. It was still something you ran through your mind every day, nothing seemed to fit.

The scene went silent aftet that, both adults watching the little furball as he dug his paws into the sand, fished out a worm and stuffed it in his mouth, swallowing it whole.

You scrunced up your nose at the action, but Daryl only smiled proudly and watched as the little black fuzz hopped around and jumped up to chomp at a fly, missing the first two times but catching it the third try.

"S'gon be a good hunter, tha' one."

Hunter.

"Little Hunter, huh?" It rolled nicely off the tongue, it fit. You looked his way and called for him. "Hey, pup. Hunter, come here." He quickly came back to you and plopped himself on top of you.

Daryl wanted to grab and hold you both close in congratulations of naming the little guy, but he wasn't the father. He should keep his respectful distance up, Hunter was only yours.

A lot of happened between then and now, where you sat on the porch steps of a home in a safe community.

Hunter rolled around in the grass in front of you and Daryl sat on the railing with his crossbow and a cloth in hand.

"Hey Daryl," It was Carol who came from the house, all dressed up nicely. "Have you showered yet?"

Daryl only grumbled at the question. "Sweety, why don't you go take a shower with him?" She aaked as she walked past you and watched you smile and saw Daryl's face turn beet red.

Not long after you arrived in the community Carol had taken you aside and told you about Daryl's feelings he couldn't put into words, and in turn her learning about your love for him too. Ever since then she had been trying to set you up.

You and Daryl already shared a room, still sleeping apart from each other but still actively being parents to Hunter. Daryl hated to admit it, but caring for your son helped with the anxiety surrounding his new home.

"You know, Dee? Catol makes a great point. Come on." You got up and motioned to Rosita to watch Hunter for you while you went to try something.

Walking over to Daryl you took his hand in your and softly tugged for him to follow and to your surprize he let himself be dragged into the house and up the stairs.

This was easier than you expected it to be, hsving him upstairs and in the bathroom with you in a matter of minutes.

When you let go of his hand and turned away to run the water you half expected him to run off, but when you turned back he stood at the sink. He was staring at you through the mirror.

"How come you're so distant again today? Yesterday you were good stepping up to me and hugging Hunter." Daryl was difficult to read, and you often needed Carol to translate for you, not that you could call her over now that you were trying to get closer to Daryl in this way.

His gaze kept following your movements in the mirror as you went to grab towels and place them near the tub, making sure you had all the needed soaps and shampoos and a brush and sponge at hand.

"It ain't jus' me in ma head, ya know tha' righ? Me, I wanna make sure m'not invadin' yer family 'n respect tha' he aint mine ta care for." He spoke while he watched you undress. His head told him to look away and be respectful, but somewhere a voice kept telling him you wanted this too. He had smelled it on you that you were happy and content around him, he only smelled love and adoration on you but with you never saying it was okay out loud he never acted on it. But now you took him here and stripped down to just panties and a shirt. "And what says the other you? The one that's staring at me right now?" He watched a wide smile appear on your face as yiu pointed at your eyes and then at him. He hadn't even noticed his eyes had changed as he listened to his feral side talk inside his head.

"Tells me m'wastin' time not bein' withya. Found someone who ain't afraid of us, survived havin' a pup. Keeps yappin' about havin' a perfect mate walkin' around fer me an' bein' a bitch fer not goin' for ya." It was clear in his voice he was struggling with this day after day, and you weren't making it easier by not just speaking your feelings to him. You led him here to confess, to have the balls to outright tell him what you felt for him in the privacy of the room.

Even barely dressed and inviting him into the shower he still didn't take the hint you wanted him. He needed the words so you gave them now. Standing beside him and turning to look at him you grabbed his leather vest and pushed it off his shouders.

"Daryl Dixon, both human half and wolf, listen to me." Your words made him turn to you, and just as it was easy to drag him up the stairs, it was easy now to undress him ever so slowly. "If you truly believe I'd be a good mate to you then, please.." You were giving him time to stop your hands as you ever so slowly pushed his shirt off his shoukders and followed his arms down to his hips. "I want you to make me your mate. Hunter has already claimed you as a dad and now I want us to admit to our feelings." Your fingers worked at his pants and got them open, but quit when his hands moved.

You thought he was going to stop you, but instead he reached for your shirt and lifted it over your head. "I wanna try withya. But ya gotta be patient with me, please." You, the human, had to be patient with the werewolf. It was adorable in a way, but you'd keep that to yourself.

"I promise to be patient with you. Except for right now, come and get your ass into the shower before Rosita gets tired of Hunter." With a laugh you undressed entirely and went to feel the water temperature and swap to the showerhead before stepping in. "I'm still telling you to join me in the shower, just to make sure you got the hint."

He may have been slow, mentally preparing for something so intimate, but he ended up in the tub with you. He sat half under the stream as you gave his hair a spa treatment and scrubbed his skin. You were scrubbing harsh, but he didn't mind. It felt nice to be rid of the grime and dirt for once. He felt good once you were done, and returned the favor with the utmost care. His touch was so soft, if you weren't facing him you barely believed it was him who cleaned you.

That night, long after retrieving Hunter and having a quiet family dinner you shared a bed for the first time. Just to sleep, nothing more.

Well, a bit more. Soft kisses, brushes of skin and cuddles were shared. Enjoying each other's warmth and find your space on the bed was the priority tonight.

The others all quickly caught the changes in your behavior about each other. The three of you were a real family all of a sudden and Carol gave herself a pat on the shoulder for getting her friends to be real with each other now.

With weeks passing you turned Daryl's downstairs room into his workplace slash quick nap spot and moved all the bedroom stuff upstairs and made a real, adult couple bedroom with a nook for Hunter's crib.

More weeks passed after moving into your new room and everything was so real now and it felt good, but nothing felt as good as certain words leaving Daryl's mouth after you came to an agreement a couple weeks prior.

"Smells so good, hun. Whatcha got cookin?" Daryl had just rolled out of bed after coming home late last night from a hunt. He sauntered over and wrapped his arms around your middle, hands resting on your stomach as he took a long whiff to take in all the scents swarming the kitchen.

You told him shat you were cooking as he followed your words with his nose. The fresh baked bread you went to grab early. The stew simmering in the pan and the eggs baking in the pan. But there was something else cooking, something you probably hadn't realized yet.

"Yer forgettin'bout yer oven, hun." You had yo know what he meant, you were so excited about it before.

"Dee, this kitchen has no working oven." You giggled as his chin scruff rubbed against your cheek as he kissed you there. "No tha' oven.." His hands spread over your stomach and squeezed soffly. "Ya smell even better than I hoped ya would."

You smelled different? You still used the same shampoo and soaps. And you couldn't remember you using a seriously different laundry soap either.

"Hun." Daryl had to stop you srirring the stew for a moment, turning off the heat under the eggs and turn you around. The irony of her joking about having to be direct with him to make him understand, and then now not getting it when he wasn't saying things literal.

"Ya smell pregnant." It was as direct as it could be. Straight to the point and perhaps the only way to bring this.

To say you were shocked was an understatement. You had your whole day planned full of tasks around the community, but you knew you weren't going to get anything done now.

But Daryl let you get back to your stew, staying stuck to your back with his hands massaging your belly.

"Well, ya better start believin' cuz tha' pup's gon' be here soon." Daryl was excited, for the first time in his life he felt like he wasn't that little fuckup redneck boy he was always made out to be. He was ready to be a father, and this time not of an adopted child but one of his own.

"Can't believe it took so fast." You were thinking out loud now as you moved from stirring the stew to cutting the bread for the eggs.

A/N: A very human were!Daryl this time.

[bellakitse]

When the world throws you off the track (I have your back)

“I’m just glad my son’s tender heart didn’t cost him this time,” he finishes with a half-smile, looking at TK like he’s waiting for him to agree. Instead, TK frowns at the words and the tone with which they are said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he questions, feeling his hackles rise as the man gives him a confused look.

+

Gabriel stops by Carlos' place and finds TK, they have a conversation about Carlos' decisions.

Warning* there is a passing line about police brutality 

TK is lounging around on his boyfriend’s couch, resting like he promised he would, while Carlos is at the market when the doorbell rings. He frowns slightly at the sound. He and Carlos aren’t expecting anyone. The team had wanted to stop by, but Carlos, being overly protective after his latest accident and head injury from just two days ago, had pushed them off till the weekend.

He gets up slowly from the nice cocoon Carlos made him before he left, figuring that maybe his boyfriend needed help with the door. Carlos only went to get a few things for dinner, but TK knows how he likes to wander the shops, always coming home with more than he set out to buy.

“Did you buy out the market again, babe,” he asks as he opens the door, coming up short when it’s not his boyfriend struggling with groceries, but instead his boyfriend’s father standing on the other side, eyebrow raised at his greeting. “Mr. Reyes,” he stammers out, caught by surprise at the man’s presence. “Uh, hi?”

The man gives him an amused half-smile in return. “Hello TK, may I come in?”

“Oh!” TK exclaims, feeling himself blush, rushing to answer. “Um, yes, of course. Please come in.”

Gabriel tips his hat at him, taking it off once he steps into the living room, looking around as he stands in the middle of it.

TK fidgets behind him quietly as Gabriel’s gaze pauses on his little nest on the couch before turning to look at him, his lips twitching as he looks at him up and down. TK follows his gaze, his face growing hotter as he remembers that he’s wearing one of Carlos’ old APD shirts and sweats, both a little too big for him.

“Carlos is at the market,” he blurts out, feeling off-center as Gabriel studies him. “He said he was gonna make chicken tortilla soup?”

“Sopa Azteca?” Gabriel questions with a smile. “His mama would make it for him when he wasn’t feeling well as a kid. He better make the tortillas fresh, or Andrea will have words with him if she finds out.”

TK chuckles, feeling some of the tension leaving his body. “Carlos makes pasta from scratch because from a box is a crime – his words. Pretty sure he feels the same about store-bought tortillas.”

Gabriel huffs, his amused expression letting TK know he’s familiar with the argument. “His mama will be proud. Those two take cooking very seriously.”

TK lets out a snort at the understatement. “Oh, I know. I’m not the greatest in the kitchen, and as a result, he doesn’t let me in there without supervision.”

Gabriel lets out a chuckle at his words, helping TK relax further.

“Can I get you something to drink?” he offers, remembering his manners.

“Water, please.”

TK nods, quickly making his way over to the fridge as Gabriel sits on one of Carlos’ love seats.

“So, TK, how are you feeling?”

TK pulls out two bottles of water, turning back towards the living room. He hands Gabriel one of them before sitting across from him, trying to tidy up his blankets. “I’m okay. I had a headache for the first day, and I’m still a little banged up, but mostly I’m fine.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Gabriel tells him. Silence settles over them after that. TK picks at a loose thread of the blanket as he tries to think of what to speak about. Noticing this, Gabriel puts him out of his misery. “So you’re probably wondering why I’m here?”

“Yes – no,” TK stumbles over his words. “I mean, this is your son’s home. I’m sure Carlos has told you,  you are welcomed any time you want to come over.”

“But you’re surprised I’m still here when he’s not,” Gabriel finishes for him with a grin.

TK gives him a shrug, not bothering to correct the man when he’s right. He is curious.

“I came to tell him that the case against him is officially closed, and he’s been taken off suspension,” Gabriel informs him, pausing when TK lets out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god,” he says with a smile of his own at the good news. “I’m glad that’s settled.”

“Me too,” Gabriel answers before shaking his head softly. “I’m just glad my son’s tender heart didn’t cost him this time,” he finishes with a half-smile, looking at TK like he’s waiting for him to agree. Instead, TK frowns at the words and the tone with which they are said.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he questions, feeling his hackles rise as the man gives him a confused look.

“It means that he’s lucky it worked out in his favor,” Gabriel frowns back at him. “It could have blown up in his face if he had been wrong.”

“But he wasn’t wrong,” TK shoots back tightly, his skin feeling tight with irritation. He recalls Carlos’ face as he told him everything that had gone down between him and his father, his hushed words as he confided that even though his father said he was proud of him in the end, he didn’t entirely feel it was true. He remembers his boyfriend’s hurt face, and it makes him angry.

“TK, this could have gone really badly for him,” Gabriel argues, his frown deepening.

“Yeah,” TK agrees sarcastically. “If he hadn’t trusted his instincts, if he hadn’t led with his kind heart, that man would have blown up. Not could have, would have. I spent time with the psychos that strapped the bomb to that victim; they killed one of their own right in front of us. They would have set that bomb off if Carlos arrested him, killing that poor man, Carlos, and his partner. Carlos’ compassion saved them all, as well as my team and me. And here you are acting like it’s a weakness, a failing of his, when if more cops were like Carlos, then maybe the public wouldn’t have to take to the streets every other week in this country,” he finishes hotly, all but shouting by the end.

He’s breathing hard as he tries to rein in his anger. Looking over at the older man, he finds him looking stunned.

“Well – “ Gabriel clears his throat. “You certainly have strong opinions.”

TK closes his eyes for a moment, taking a long slow breath and then another. “I would apologize,” he starts, his voice calmer even if the rest of him isn’t. “But I’m not sorry,” he says bluntly, pressing his lips together. “Your son is incredible, as a person and as a cop. I’m not saying that because I’m his boyfriend. I work with Carlos. I see how good he is at his job, and a big part of that comes from being one of the most compassionate people I have ever met.”

Gabriel says nothing to that. Instead, he watches him, studying him, and even though TK knows he should probably stop now, he has one more thing to say and can’t hold it back.

“I love your son, Sir,” he says quietly, his heart beating so loud it echos in his ears. “I love him, and I have made it my job to protect and defend him from anything and anyone who would cause him pain, and if that includes you too, so be it.”

Gabriel opens his mouth, and TK braces himself for his response, only for the door to open again as Carlos walks in.

“Babe, I found those tangerines you like on sale,” he says with a smile, stopping short when he sees they’re not alone. “Dad?” he questions, shooting him a look. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

Gabriel looks at him for a moment before standing up and turning towards Carlos. “I came to let you know the investigation’s done and stayed to talk to TK for a bit.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Carlos smiles softly, first at his dad and then over at him. TK tries to return it, but the conversation he’s just finished makes it difficult. Carlos gives him a questioning look, but TK turns his focus back to Gabriel when he clears his throat. 

“Well, I should get going,” he says, focusing on his son. “Your mother is making ribs tonight, and you know I don’t like to be late to those.” 

Carlos nods, giving his father a slight nod, but his attention is still on him.

“TK – ” Gabriel starts, and TK braces himself. “It was...interesting talking to you. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at that, the questions clear on his face.

“You boys have a good evening,” Gabriel finishes as he heads for the door. He stops by Carlos and claps his shoulder. “We’ll talk later, mijo.”

“Yes, sir,” Carlos nods, holding the door for his father, closing it behind him. He turns back towards him, brow still raised. “Wanna tell me what happened here?”

“I may have told your dad off?” he says hesitantly, letting out a groan when Carlos’ eyes widen at his words. “Oh my god, I told your dad off,” he repeats, mostly to himself as what he’s just done catches up with him. He drops his head into his hands and lets out another whine. “I can’t believe I did that.”

Carlos moves; TK can hear him walking towards the kitchen, placing the groceries on the counter before making his way over to TK. He feels the couch dip next to him with Carlos’ weight, but he doesn’t look up at him. He only lifts his head when Carlos places a hand on his neck and gives it a comforting squeeze. 

“He’s gonna hate me now and tell you to break up with me,” he tells Carlos, only half-joking, dread quickly spreading through him.

“My dad doesn’t hate anyone. I’m not sure he knows how, and he sure as hell will not hate the man I love,” Carlos answers thoughtfully. “But even if he did, I’m not going to break up with you because my parents want me to. You’re stuck with me, baby.”

TK smiles, letting out a huff of laughter as Carlos smiles back at him.

“Tell me what happened,” he asks softly, taking TK’s hands in his.

TK leans back on the couch, letting out a sigh before he speaks. He starts from the beginning of Gabriel’s visit and how awkward it felt. He’s honest about what he said, giving Carlos’ hand a squeeze when he makes a face at his dad’s words. He bites down on his bottom lip as he recalls his reaction, feeling embarrassed by his outburst but even now not feeling sorry about it. He meant what he said; he’s going to do his best to protect Carlos, even if it means from his own family. Wrapping up, he holds his breath as Carlos stares at him, mouth open and eyes wide.

“You really did that,” he whispers, his disbelief clear; it makes TK cringe.

“Yeah,” he whispers back, remorse slowly starting to set in. So much for Carlos’ parents liking him. “Fuck, Carlos, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help it. He started talking, and I saw red – “

TK stops explaining. He can’t speak when he basically has a lap full of Carlos. His boyfriend all but crawling into it as he wraps his arms around his shoulders and hugs him for dear life. TK instinctively hugs him back just as hard. His hold tightening when he feels Carlos shake.

They stay like that for a few minutes as TK runs his hands up and down Carlos’ back. When Carlos pulls back to look at him, he’s thankfully not crying, but TK can see the emotion in his big brown eyes.

“Thank you,” he says softly, and TK feels overwhelmed by the love he feels for the man in his arms.

“Anytime,” he answers, his voice rough from his own emotions. He takes in the gratitude and love he sees in Carlos’ expression and swallows hard, feeling overwhelmed by it himself. “I love you, Carlos. I’m always going to have your back no matter what. We’re a team.”

Carlos smiles at him. It’s a little wobbly, but it’s tender, and it’s there. “A pretty damn good one too.”

TK grins, a chuckle passing his lips as the tension inside him dissipates at Carlos’ words. “Yeah, we are.”

 ֎֎֎

 Hours later, when they find themselves once again on the couch after filling up on Carlos’ delicious soup, his phone rings.

TK holds his breath as Carlos shows him the ID that says it’s his mother. He doesn’t understand as Carlos speaks rapid Spanish with her, but he lets out the breath trapped in his lungs when Carlos starts to laugh, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he looks over at him.

“Si, Mami, he’s a firecracker,” he says into the phone, his smile teasing when TK looks at him with wide eyes, realizing he is the topic of conversation. “I’ll ask him and get back to you, okay?” he says to his mother, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “Okay, I’ll call you back–love you too, Mami.”

Carlos hangs up the phone. He doesn’t speak for a moment. Instead, he throws his head back on the couch and lets out a chuckle. TK waits despite being on pins and needles.

“Dad told my mom about your conversation,” he starts, lifting his head to look back at him with a smile that is both surprised and happy. “They’re both impressed with my protective boyfriend, and mom is feeling left out on getting to know you,” Carlos continues with a twinkle in his eye, his smile only growing as TK stares at him. “So she’s inviting us to dinner at the house this weekend if you would like to go.”

“They don’t hate me?” TK can’t help but ask, shocked at the request.

Carlos’ expression goes soft at his question. He leans in, giving him a gentle kiss. “Hate someone who obviously loves their son?” he questions, shaking his head. “No, baby, my dad doesn’t hate you, and my mom sounds like she’s ready to adopt you into the family,” he continues with a quirk of his mouth. “How do you feel about being a Reyes?”

TK blushes at the question. He knows it’s said in jest, but he can’t help the way his heart speeds up at the thought of him sharing Carlos’ last name.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” he answers honestly with a small smile of his own when he hears Carlos’ breath catch. “In the near future,” he finishes with a shrug he pretends is casual.

“In the near future,” Carlos repeats, amazement coloring his words. He looks at him for a moment before shaking his head, the smile on his face bright and beautiful. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You do that,” he answers smartly. He gives Carlos a kiss on the cheek before he cuddles back into his side. “We should get a pie from that bakery we like on Winston for dessert.”

“Is that yes to dinner?” Carlos questions into the side of his face.

“Of course,” he answers, his focus on the tv even though his heart is racing. “If I’m going to be a Reyes someday, I should probably make nice with the in-laws.”

He feels Carlos smile against his skin. “Not nervous?”

TK lets out a snort, turning his face to look at his boyfriend. “Scared shitless,” he says with a wry grin, but it softens after a second. “But you’ll be there, and I can handle anything with you by my side.”

Carlos smiles at him. He leans in, pressing his forehead against his. “We’re a team.”

[morganaspendragonss]

give me all your love now

full credit for the idea goes to jamie ( @silvarafael ), i am just the person lucky enough to be trusted to write it. thank you for letting me, lovely, i hope i did it justice 💚

title from we might be dead by tomorrow by soko

ao3 | 2.6k | 2.12 fix-it of sorts

The fire is everywhere, and all TK can think is that they’re going to die here.

For all his training, for all his experience, panic still has him by the throat; he’s been trapped in fire plenty of times before, but it’s never been like this. It’s never been his house, never been his boyfriend in danger. Carlos’s terrified gaze locks onto his as they crouch on the bedroom floor, and TK has to force himself to focus because it’s not just his life on the line anymore — Carlos needs him to take charge.

He searches through the smoke for something, anything, that could help them, his eyes eventually alighting upon the window. 

“The window,” he says, coughing. “How far down do you think that drop is?”

Carlos frowns. “Um, I—twenty feet? Twenty-five?”

TK barely manages to suppress a wince; a twenty foot drop is no joke, and visions of all the different injuries they could receive flash through his mind, ranging from a few bruises to a broken neck. But the flames are getting ever closer and the smoke thicker, and he knows that there’s no other option.

Either they jump, or they die.

“Come on.” He grabs Carlos’s arm, one hand on his back to keep him low, and they stumble over to the window together. Carlos seizes a chair and slams it into the glass until it shatters, grunting with the exertion.

He takes a step backwards when it’s done, tossing the chair away and looking at TK nervously. TK understands that fear, but he refuses to let it show right now, not when Carlos is so obviously struggling as it is.

“Go on,” he says, “you go first. I’ll be right behind you, I promise.”

“Okay.” Carlos nods and turns to the window, and TK takes the opportunity to let his mask slip. He folds in on himself with a hand pressed against his chest, closing his eyes as he fights to take a breath. His vision is going hazy at the edges and he knows they need to get out as soon as possible—but he refuses to leave before Carlos does. 

As much as Carlos would protest, TK knows that he is the priority in this situation. He doesn’t care what happens to him, as long as Carlos gets out and lives.

Then hands are on his face, gently bringing his head up. TK meets Carlos’s eyes, aching at the raw pain in them—Carlos so rarely lets his worry and fear show openly like this, and TK knows that the same thoughts he’s been having are running through his boyfriend’s mind.

“If we don’t…” Carlos starts, shaking his head. “If we…”

His jaw clenches, eyes going wide, and TK puts his own palms on Carlos’s cheeks, steeling himself for what they both believe might be the last words they say to each other.

He keeps his voice as calm as possible when he says, “Hey. I love you too, okay? Now go!”

He pushes on Carlos’s arm for emphasis, and lets out a breath of relief when Carlos nods and turns back around, stepping to the window. His hands clench briefly at his sides before he seems to steady himself and climbs onto the sill. Carlos sends him one last backwards glance, and TK forces a smile, a fresh pain stabbing through his heart as he gets one in return.

Then Carlos is gone, disappearing through the window with a barely audible yell. TK waits a minute, praying that Carlos is unhurt—or, as unhurt as possible—then moves forward, reaching to haul himself up.

But, before he can, the bedroom door crashes open. TK whips around, his watering eyes taking a second to recognise the bodies in the doorway as his dad and Billy.

“TK!” his dad calls. “Follow us!”

He stumbles over, gratefully accepting the damp cloth from Billy. “Dad,” he croaks. “Carlos, he—” He gestures to the window, hoping the message gets across as another coughing fit almost sends him to his knees. He’s steadied—he doesn’t know who by—then almost dragged out of the room, only aware of a guiding hand on his back and the sounds of his home collapsing around them. Dimly, he registers another voice, another set of hands, but TK can only focus on putting one foot in front of the other, everything else blending into a distorted mess of sensations.

Fresh air, when it hits, is both a blessing and a curse. TK heaves, falling to the ground as he tries to take in lungfuls of clean oxygen, but his throat is raw and his chest tight, and black spots dance in his vision as he fails to breathe. He’s vaguely aware of shapes moving around him, of the searing heat still at his back, but the burning inside him and the pounding of his own heart in his ears overwhelms it all; panic settles deep within him, and TK begins to slip as the darkness only grows.

It feels like a blink, but when he comes back to himself, the scenery is completely changed. He’s no longer outside, rough tarmac under his palms, but flat on his back, staring up at what his clouded mind slowly comes to realise is the inside of an ambulance. 

TK sits bolt upright, ignoring the dizziness that washes over him, and bats clumsily at his face until he manages to dislodge the oxygen mask someone must have strapped on him. He blinks hard, trying to clear his vision, but someone steps in front of him before he has a chance to figure out what’s going on.

“That stays on, Strand,” Captain Vega admonishes, replacing the mask over his mouth and nose. TK squints up at her, confusion clouding his thoughts.

“Cap? What are you doing here?”

“Nice to see you, too,” she says wryly, before appearing to reconsider. “Actually, no, it’s not. Next time we’re in an ambulance together, please try and make sure that it’s because you’re doing your job, and not because you’re the patient.”

It takes a second for her words to process, but when they do, it’s like a puzzle finally falling into place. TK’s eyes widen and he shoves at the gurney, attempting to drag his uncooperative body into a standing position. He fails fairly spectacularly, his frantic wriggles leading him to almost roll off the gurney and onto the floor — if it weren’t for Tommy catching him at the last second, he’d probably have a broken nose to add to his list of injuries. Whatever those injuries are, anyway.

“Woah, woah, woah!” she cries. “What do you think you’re doing?”

TK takes a moment to breathe, the exertion setting his aching lungs aflame, then looks up at Tommy through watering eyes. “Carlos,” he gasps, the single word taking all the air he has.

Tommy’s face softens and she glances out of the ambulance. “Paramedics are with him,” she says, and TK’s heart plummets when no further explanation is forthcoming. That means… Well, he knows what it means. 

It means that Carlos is hurt, badly, and Tommy doesn’t want to tell him.

He opens his mouth to argue, to plead, to do something, but before he can, his dad appears, switching out with Tommy in the ambulance. Other paramedics he thinks he vaguely recognises from calls jump in too, slamming the doors shut behind them. One of them tries to guide him back onto the gurney, but TK fights against them, panicking as the rig rumbles to life.

“No, I can’t leave. Carlos — I need to see him. Please. Please, I—”

“TK!” His dad is gripping onto his wrists, pinning them down, and TK is too weak to stop him. “You need to calm down, okay? You inhaled a dangerous amount of smoke back there; you have to focus on breathing for us.”

“But—Carlos—”

“Is already being transported.” His dad sighs, loosening his grip. “Son… He fell twenty feet. They wanted to get him to hospital as soon as possible.”

The information sinks in slowly, the guilt following much faster. TK slumps, a sudden, intense weariness overcoming his body even as his mind goes into overdrive with worry. He still itches to know how bad Carlos is, but his imagination fills in the gaps plenty, and TK feels sick with the knowledge that whatever happened, it’s on him.

Carlos fell twenty feet, and TK was the one to tell him to jump.

This is all his fault.

*

“You should not be out of bed.”

TK looks up from pulling on the shirt Paul had donated, scowling at his dad. “I’m fine,” he counters, though his lungs decide to betray him by sending him into a coughing fit.

“Want to try that one again?”

When he’s recovered, TK takes a couple of deep breaths, then looks his dad dead in the eyes. “Sure. I’m fine.”

His voice is raspy and talking grates at his throat, but no coughs follow this time, so TK considers his point firmly proven and continues getting dressed. He can feel his dad’s gaze burning holes in his head, but he ignores him, pushing himself up onto unsteady feet.

His dad shakes his head, but walks over and lets TK lean on him. It’s frustrating to need the support; TK is grateful for it, but it also means that he can’t go anywhere without his dad agreeing to move, which he knows he’s going to refuse to do.

“The doctors wanted to keep you overnight.”

“It’s not like I’m going to leave the hospital,” TK points out. 

“But you won’t be getting any rest either, and they specifically told you to do that.”

“What do you want me to do, Dad?” he demands. The outburst hurts, but TK swallows down the pain and focuses his gaze on his dad, setting his jaw. “I need to see him; I need to know that he’s going to be okay.”

“I know that, son,” his dad says, sighing. “But you can’t take care of him if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“I’m barely hurt. You were there too; you heard them say that the smoke didn’t do any real damage.” TK looks down at his shoes, bitterness welling up in him and bleeding into his voice. “‘Lucky’ was the word they used. Wish I felt it.”

A brief silence falls, then his dad shifts, pulling TK’s arm over his shoulders. “Alright, then,” he says wearily. “Let’s go.”

The walk to Carlos’s room is both too short and too long. It feels as though it takes forever to get through the endless corridors, but, by the time they’re standing outside the door, TK hasn’t even begun to prepare himself for what’s waiting for him. His dad had given him the cliffnotes version—burns, a broken arm, a nasty head wound and probable concussion, a shattered kneecap that had needed surgery, and more bruised skin than not—but hearing and seeing are two very different things.

It’s only his dad at his side that gets him to take those final few steps into the room, his hands trembling as he nears Carlos’s side.

He looks… TK wants to pretend that he’s just sleeping, but there’s a slackness to his face that betrays the lie before he can even tell it. Carlos is a light sleeper—not a restless one, but if he were truly sleeping, he would have woken up at this point, roused by so many people being in the room. 

Andrea looks up at their entrance, immediately standing to give up her chair for him. TK goes to protest, but she sends him a stern look and he wilts, accepting the seat with a grateful nod. She rubs his shoulders gently, her gaze so kind and motherly that it almost breaks something in him.

“He’ll be okay,” she murmurs.

TK swallows, squeezing his eyes shut. Tears begin to slip down his cheeks, and he twists away when she reaches to wipe them away. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “This is all my fault.”

The frowns of everyone else in the room are practically audible, and TK burns with shame under the weight of all their gazes.

“What do you mean?” Gabriel asks, his tone hard—though TK knows the anger isn’t directed at him. “You didn’t start the fire; this is the fault of that sick bastard who rigged your house.”

“Not the fire,” TK corrects quietly, opening his eyes but not daring to meet anyone’s gaze. “Carlos. Jumping out of the window was my plan. We didn’t know if or when help would come and I just… I guess I panicked because I couldn’t think of anything else, and I told him to do it. All I wanted was for him to get out safe, and now look where we are. If I’d just gone first, then—”

“Then, you’d be in the bed instead of Carlos, and the rest of us would be in exactly the same position,” Andrea interrupts. “You had no way of knowing what was going to happen, and I know you did the best you could. What matters is that you’re both alive; the rest we can figure out.”

TK shakes his head, wanting to argue, but all the fight has left him, replaced by an overwhelming guilt and sorrow. Andrea pulls him into her side as sobs wrack his body, the physical pain paling next to the open wound of seeing Carlos so still before him.

*

“Are you okay?”

TK sighs, wearily looking up at the sound of the hesitant voice from the bed. “Don’t ask me that, Carlos, please. Not now.”

Carlos purses his lips, but nods, understanding clear in his eyes. He’d woken up a day ago after sleeping for two, and to say he’d been struggling would be an understatement. The total loss of their home and all their possessions had hit him hard, and they’d spent much of that first day he was awake just holding each other, words irrelevant and unnecessary.

Today, though, has been different. The team has been trickling in and out, making attempts at light conversation and, when that’s failed, offering up reassurances and, several times, their homes if TK and Carlos need it.

TK appreciates it, but he’s glad for the quiet in this moment. It’s just the two of them, his dad taking a breather with Carlos’s parents in the cafeteria, and he feels he can finally let some of the exhaustion of the past few days show on his face.

Not all of it—he still has to keep up some sort of façade for Carlos’s sake—but it’s not as though Carlos can’t see through it anyway. They know each other too well for that.

“Hey, um, back there,” Carlos starts nervously, not needing to clarify what he means by ‘back there’, “just before I jumped. I thought… I thought we weren’t going to make it. And I just—I just couldn’t say it. I don’t know why. But it kills me that we could have died and I didn’t tell you that I love you, I—I’m sorry, TK.”

TK frowns, reaching to grasp at Carlos’s hand. “What are you talking about?” he says. “Carlos… I know you love me. You don’t need to say it for it to be true. I promise you, I know.”

“I know you do,” Carlos says. “I still should have said it.”

“Baby, no.” TK leans over and kisses Carlos’s palm, lips lingering for a long moment. “No. Don’t… Don’t think about it, okay? We’re alive, and we have the rest of our lives to say it; can we just enjoy that?”

Tears shine in Carlos’s eyes, but he manages a wobbly smile as he meets TK’s eyes. “We can try,” he allows. He sinks back into the pillows, squeezing TK’s hand as hard as he can. “I love you.”

TK smiles. “There we go,” he says softly. He kisses Carlos’s temple, resting their foreheads together and closing his eyes.

“I love you too.”

[detectivereyes]

Nothing’s Ever Built to Last

Summary: When Carlos and TK’s home catches on fire, the trauma lasts longer than just that one night.

Notes: The 2x12 spec - turned - fix-it fic... or what I wish would have happened in the episode(s) based on the hints we were given about it and tk’s addiction (not a relapse fic)

Word count: 4.4k

read on ao3

“TK, wake up. The house is on fire.”

Carlos’ rushed voice reaches TK’s ears first, pulling him out of his peaceful sleep. At first he’s not even sure he heard right. Though the statement came across as urgent and quite alarming, Carlos’ tone sounded firm and eerily calm.

However, when he opens his eyes and inhales through his nose, with the all-too familiar scent of smoke registering in his brain, he knows he did in fact hear Carlos correctly. 

Their house, their home is on fire.

He bolts upright in bed, trying to remain calm and remember all the skills he had picked up on in his career as a first responder. Though he finds that hard to do when it’s his house that’s on fire, and he and Carlos are the ones trapped inside. Not to mention, he has no gear that would be helpful in getting them out of here alive.

“Okay, it’s going to be okay,” he repeats, meeting Carlos with panicked eyes. He’s not sure who he’s trying to reassure more, but he knows it’s not working. “If we can make it to the front door-”

“We can’t,” Carlos quickly cuts him off, shaking his head. “The fire has completely engulfed the downstairs.”

The words settle in TK’s head. If the fire has spread that quickly downstairs, it’s only a matter of time before it travels up. And if the thickening smoke is any indication, they are quickly running out of time. 

He needs to make a decision.

“Okay, I’m going to open a window. Do you think you can make it to the bathroom and wet some towels?”

Carlos nods, heading towards the ensuite bathroom while TK climbs out of bed to head in the other direction towards one of the larger windows in the bedroom. As soon as his socked feet meet the floor, he can feel the heat burning below him and he tries to block out the weight of the situation laying heavy in his chest.

He can’t afford to think about how the home they were just beginning to build together is currently being destroyed by flames. Not when their own lives are still in danger. 

He quickly pads his way to the window, welcoming the sensation of fresh oxygen as he opens it. The smoke in the bedroom is only getting more dense and while the window provides some relief, it isn’t enough. His chest aches as he lurches into a coughing fit. 

The structure creaks below his feet, and he really starts to panic. He knows they are running on borrowed time.

“Are you okay?” he hears Carlos shout through the smoke appearing out of the bathroom with damp towels in hand.

“Yeah, are you?” 

Carlos doesn’t get a chance to answer before the home begins to creek again, this time more intense. And before TK even realizes what is happening, Carlos is gone, leaving only a hole in the floor where he stood just a few seconds ago.

“Carlos!” he shouts, trying to settle the panic in his chest when he doesn’t get a reply. “Carlos!” he tries again, his lungs spasming as he uses all the oxygen to project his voice, hoping to elicit some response from his boyfriend whom he can’t even see.

But he knows better than to try and get close to the hole in the floor. The entire floor is unstable now and one wrong move and could be down there with him. He quickly tries to weigh the pros and cons of that decision, getting close enough to see how badly Carlos is hurt while also risking getting hurt himself in the process.

He tries to take a few deep breaths to calm his racing thoughts but to no avail. He knows he’s only inhaling more smoke and depriving his lungs of what it really needs. His thoughts only become more fuzzy as the room gets hotter. And before he can make any decision, his vision is swallowed by blackness.

TK wakes up to bright lights and the sensation of not being able to breathe properly. He’s aware enough to know that it’s because he is currently intubated, but his brain doesn’t appear to get the message as he still tries to breathe on his own and panicking when he can’t.

His eyes wide and alert, there’s a flurry of activity around him and hushed voices telling him to remain calm. He can’t make out who is there with him, but the familiar voices do provide a sense of reassurance. And before he knows it, the darkness overtakes him again. 

The next time he comes to, he finds it much easier to breathe. The lights don’t seem to be as bright, and with the help of a nasal cannula looped around his nose he doesn’t feel like he’s gasping for oxygen that isn’t there.

As his eyes adjust to the hospital room, he spots his father sitting in the chair next to his bed reading something on his phone. He startles when he glances up and notices TK staring at him but quickly composes himself. “Hey, how do you feel, son?”

“Tired,” he croaks out, voice still raw from the tube that had been taken out not too long ago. In the silence that follows, the memories flood back into his brain of the moments that led to this. Images of flames flickering in their home and dense smoke filling their bedroom, and of - “Where’s Carlos?” he meets Owen’s eye, his heart pounding in his chest as he tries not to assume the worst.

“He’s okay,” Owen is quick to answer and TK finally lets out a sigh of relief. “The firefighters that responded were able to get to him, and to you quite quickly. You’re lucky you’re only dealing with smoke inhalation, not too serious but the doctors will probably want to keep you another night for observation.”

TK absentmindedly nods, though he can’t help but notice his father isn’t going into detail on Carlos’ condition. “And Carlos?” he asks, unable to stand another moment of not knowing how his boyfriend is doing. 

“Hanging in there,” Owen says carefully. “He took quite a hit from the fall. Shattered his right leg and broke his back.”

TK stiffens. “Is he-?”

“There wasn’t any damage to the spinal cord, thankfully,” Owen answers, and TK relaxes at that. 

“Is he awake?”

“Last I heard he was in and out of consciousness. His parents are with him now and have been keeping me updated.”

“Okay, that’s good,” TK nods. “Do they know what caused the fire?”

TK doesn’t miss the way Owen stiffens at the question. He braces himself, not knowing if it’s just because he’s bringing up why they are both in the hospital in the first place or if there’s something more to it. 

“OFI originally had reason to believe it was arson,” Owen says, and TK now realizes why his dad reacted the way he did. Just a few days ago he had listened as Owen recounted what he believed to be a serial arsonist targeting different locations around the city. And at the time TK didn’t think much of it beyond urging his dad that he should be taking it easy during his recovery from the tumor removal.

Now hearing Owen reveal that the fire in their home could have been related to that, his heart begins to beat just a little faster as his brain takes off with thoughts of why this could have happened and if it only did because his dad got involved.

“However, the investigation wrapped up this morning and concluded that that was not the case,” Owen continues, preventing any more negative thoughts from forming in TK’s head. 

“What?” TK asks, unsure if he even heard correctly. “Then what did cause it?”

“Electrical,” Owen says, looking down nervously at his hands. “Probably caused by an appliance being left plugged in in the kitchen.”

Marlon Blendo.

“Oh, dad. I-“

Owen cuts him off with a wave. “It’s okay, TK. I’m just glad you two made it out alive.”

“Yeah, but I know that blender was important to you.”

“You and Carlos are important to me. Marlon Blendo was an appliance,” Owen says with a genuine smile. “An appliance that made very good smoothies, I will say. But an appliance that can be replaced, nonetheless.”

TK returns the smile, not missing how his dad mentioned Carlos is just as important to him. In the past, Owen’s relationships with TK’s boyfriends have never been great. But it didn’t take long at all to see the difference in how he got along with Carlos, his dad essentially seeing him as another son.

“I want to see Carlos,” he says after a few beats of silence.

“If the doctor’s discharge you tomorrow, I’m sure we can work something out.”

“No, I need to see him now.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, TK. You need to be resting” Owen says, trying to lay him down gently but TK does not want to hear it.

“We can ask the nurse to get a wheelchair,” TK looks at him with pleading eyes. “Please, dad.”

Owen looks like he wants to argue more but his face soon softens and he nods. Soon enough, he is wheeled up to Carlos’ room and told he has an hour before a nurse will return to take him back to his own room, citing some reason about his doctors not wanting him to be off oxygen for too long.

Carlos is asleep when he enters the room, unnaturally still with his casted leg propped up on a pillow. TK hates that even with Carlos’ eyes closed, he can tell how much pain the other man is in.

He doesn’t waste much time before reaching for his boyfriend's hand, gently rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of Carlos’ palm. The action is enough to rouse the sleeping man, who blinks at TK a few times before smiling. 

“Hey,” Carlos says sleepily, letting his eyes roam over TK’s body, searching for any visible injuries. “Are you okay?”

“Better than you, pretty sure,” TK attempts to likely joke but even his own words bring an ache to his chest. The weight of the situation starts to settle in, now seeing Carlos laid up in his hospital bed. “Carlos, I’m so sorry,” he starts to say but Carlos cuts him off with a shake of his head.

“I don’t want you to apologize, TK. None of this is your fault. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” TK’s voice cracks with desperation. “I was the one who told you to head to the bathroom, and I should have-”

“No,” Carlos cuts him off again. “We both made it out alive, and that’s all that matters.”

TK shakily nods, agreeing with Carlos on the outside but unable to stop the guilt from blooming inside his chest. Carlos is hurt, more than TK is, and as much as Carlos tries to deny it, TK knows it’s his fault.

For the fourth night in a row, TK lies wide awake as Carlos peacefully sleeps beside him. 

At first it had been easy to hide after they were released from the hospital and settled into their temporary home back at his father’s house. With the adrenaline still coursing through his veins he didn’t feel like he could sleep even if he wanted to. But as the days passed, he found it harder to explain the dark circles forming under his eyes and low energy throughout the day.

And still he continues to lay awake, waiting for sleep to take pity on him. 

Part of him is jealous that sleep appears to come easier to Carlos. He knows that the other man is just as affected, if not more than he is. With his broken leg and back injury, it has been hard for Carlos to find comfortable positions after being discharged from the hospital.

But Carlos also had the luxury of being prescribed medication to help manage the pain. And while he was hesitant to accept it at first, TK had encouraged it, saying that he would be fine because Carlos needed it. 

And he would be fine. 

Except there’s still a part of him that envied Carlos for being able to easily mask the pain with one small pill.

Because while Carlos peacefully sleeps, TK is plagued with memories of the fire that took their home not even a week ago. 

Sometimes it plays out exactly how it happened, which only serves the guilt to settle more in his chest. Other times it happens with slight variations. Visions of him being the one to fall through the floor instead, or them both making it out unscathed.

The last one hurts the most. The idea that there could have been a way for both of them to walk out of it without injury. But the pained wimpers coming from beside him serve as an aching reminder of what did happen. 

It hurt TK more than he was willing to admit seeing Carlos in so much pain and knowing it’s his fault. Not that Carlos would ever admit it, brushing it off every time TK would try to bring it up. But TK knows the truth. Even with all of his firefighter training, he wasn’t able to get them out unharmed. Not to mention he was the reason why Carlos fell through the floor.

He should have been the one to go to the bathroom and wet the towels. Or he should have forgotten the towels altogether, considering it probably would have only bought them a few seconds anyway. 

Night after night he gets stuck in this spiral of “what-if’s,” unable to shut off his brain enough to get the rest he so badly needs.

Another louder whimper comes from beside him, breaking him from his thoughts.

“Baby?” he calls softly, not wanting to wake Carlos if he wasn’t already, but also wanting to make sure he was okay if he is awake.

“Sorry,” Carlos whispers back. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

TK doesn’t have to see his face to sense the wince on Carlos’ face, pain clearly evident in his voice. “It’s okay, I was already awake. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

“We’ve talked about this, babe. You having nothing to apologize for.”

“But I do. It was my fault that you got hurt and maybe if I-“

“TK, stop,” Carlos cuts him off. He tries to say it gently, but TK can sense the annoyance in his voice. 

It’s the same conversation they have had a few times now and it always ended the same way; with TK trying to apologize and Carlos calmly explaining why the apology wasn’t necessary. It was no wonder his patience was running out and TK knew it was only a matter of time before Carlos snapped. 

And by the sound of it, that’s exactly what was happening.

“Can we not do this now? In the middle of the night? I just need the pain to stop and to go back to sleep.”

TK nods, even though he’s well aware Carlos can’t see the motion in the darkness of their bedroom (well, their temporary bedroom at Owen’s house). It’s a good thing, considering that means the other man also can’t see the tears welling in TK’s eyes. “I’ll go get your meds.”

He hears Carlos sigh and takes that an okay, pushing himself out of bed and making his way down the hall to the bathroom.

He rifles through the medicine cabinet before pulling out Carlos’ prescription and shaking two capsules out of the bottle. The bright white pills contrast against his palm and he can’t bring himself to look away.

TK once again finds himself envious of Carlos’ ability to take these pills to begin with; To have the power to soften the pain in two tiny capsules. 

Without a second thought, he slides the pills into his pajama bottoms before shaking out another two replacement pills into his palm. He then fills up a disposable cup of water and turns off the light.

The next hours pass by in a haze, tossing and turning until the pills in his pocket are forgotten. TK realizes he must have fallen asleep at some point indicated by the light filtering through the blinds, casting a soft warm glow into the bedroom.

Not wanting to wake Carlos still sleeping beside him, but also not able to spend another minute laying in bed, he carefully gets up and makes his way through the hall and down the stairs, into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Owen says, all too cheerfully for the morning hour. 

“Morning,” he replies while grabbing his coffee mug and filling it to the brim.

“How did you sleep?”

TK shrugs. It’s the same dance they do everyday. His father definitely knows him well enough to see how much he’s been struggling since the fire, yet he never pushes enough to get TK to talk.

“Do you want some pancakes? I got fresh blueberries yesterday at the market that I could throw in the batter.”

He considers it, knowing full well that his dad is trying to get him to talk using his favorite breakfast meal. But he also thinks if he tries to eat anything, he’s going to throw up. “I’m good with coffee right now. Maybe I’ll have a bowl of cereal in a bit.”

“TK,” Owen trails off. “Do I need to be worried about you?”

TK glances down, staring at his hands, unable to meet his dad’s eye. In the past when he had been asked that question, the simple no had always been able to roll easily off his tongue, regardless of whether or not it was true. But this morning feels different. He doesn’t feel cornered, but there is a part of him that wants to say yes. With just one word he’d be able to let out all of the emotions he has been bottling up for days, even months going back before the fire.

“Have you gone to any meetings lately?”

That gets TK’s attention. “No,” he says, looking up shyly. “I mean I’ve been a little busy taking care of Carlos and trying to get everything sorted out with insurance and just,” he sighs. They’re weak excuses, he knows. While that stuff is important, he’s also aware that his recovery should come first and he’s been looking for any excuse not to take care of himself, to avoid opening up the bottle of his emotions.

“You should. Why don’t I drive you to one today?” Owen offers.

“No, someone needs to stay with Carlos-”

“And there’s been dozens of people asking what they can do to help you guys out that I’m sure would love to hang out with him this afternoon. If Mateo won’t be around, I can ask Grace or Paul, or anyone from the station if they are available.”

TK nods, knowing there’s no way to get out of this. This is Owen’s polite way of letting him know that he knows TK needs help and if he’s not going to talk him or Carlos, he needs to talk to someone. 

“Good. I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way in your recovery in the past 18 months,” Owen offers him a smile but the words hit TK like a punch in the gut. 

He quickly shoves his hands in his pockets and freezes when he feels the familiar texture of the forgotten pills shoved hastily in there in a moment of weakness last night. 

Owen studies him carefully. “Are you okay?”

He takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing thoughts before his face can betray that his father really did have a legitimate reason to be concerned. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just going to go see if Carlos is awake.”

Owen nods, appearing to accept TK’s response. TK flashes him a smile before filling up a glass of water to bring up to Carlos and hoping that his father doesn’t notice the way his hands shake as he holds it under the faucet. 

“Come back down when you’re ready to eat. The pancakes will be waiting for you,” Owen calls as TK climbs the stairs.

TK doesn’t answer, moving through the hallway until he reaches their bedroom and softly knocks on the door before pushing it open. He expects to find Carlos still sleeping soundly on the bed, but instead sees him attempting to push himself out of bed, a pained grimace painted on his face.

“What are you doing?” TK rushes over to him, guiding him gently back into the bed so he is sitting back against the headboard. “You’re not supposed to get out of bed without help.”

While Carlos isn’t technically on bedrest, it is harder for him to get around. He was given crutches for his broken leg, but using them puts a lot of stress on his injured back. TK can tell that the lack of mobility is starting to get to him. 

“I was thirsty,” Carlos shrugs, flashing him a sheepish grin. 

TK resists the urge to roll his eyes at that. “Well you can relax now, I brought you water,” he says, handing the glass over to Carlos. “And my dad is making pancakes if you want to try to get out of bed, with help this time.”

“That sounds good.”

“Good,” TK replies and they exchange smiles. Though he can’t help but notice the tension that still looms in the air from their last interaction. It clearly doesn’t go unnoticed by Carlos as well, whose smile soon drops at the shift in mood.

“Listen, TK, I’m sorry for kind of snapping at you last night. I was just tired, and in pain, and I didn’t mean to take it out on you,” Carlos sighs, taking TK’s hands in his. “These past few days haven’t been easy for either of us and you’ve taken such great care of me. I want you to know how much I appreciate it. I love you.”

TK can’t help the tears that well in his eyes at Carlos’ words. His heart threatens to beat out of his chest, both at the tenderness of the moment and in panic of wanting to admit to Carlos what he’s done. He came in the room prepared to come clean, but now feels almost as though he doesn’t deserve the kind words. He doesn’t deserve this happiness that he came so close to throwing all away.

“Babe?” Carlos questions softly.

“I took some of your pills,” TK blurts out, spitting the words out in the air before he can change his mind and take them back. Carlos’ eyes widen in panic and TK quickly shakes his head. “Well, okay I didn’t actually take them. I just,” he sighs, reaching into his pocket and holding out the pills in his palm.

“TK,” Carlos trails off. He doesn’t sound disappointed, but TK can’t help the panic that arises as he tries to figure out how to justify what he did now that Carlos knows.

“It’s just been so hard, you know? I know you don’t want to talk about it, and I get why. I mean, I don’t want to talk about it either. But no matter how many times I’m told it wasn’t my fault, the guilt still doesn’t leave, and it’s suffocating. I’m sorry, I know you’re probably tired of having this conversation but I don’t know what happened last night. I just hit a point where I didn’t know what else to do and I’m sorry I can’t be stronger for you.”

The silence that hangs in the air after TK’s word vomit is deafening. He takes some deep breaths, waiting for Carlos to say something. When more than a few seconds pass, TK can’t help but open his mouth again. “I’m so sorry, Carlos. I wish I could handle this better but I just keep bottling it up. I understand if you are mad, but you should know I’m going to a meeting this afternoon and I think-“

“TK,” Carlos cuts off his rambling this time. “I’m not mad at you. In fact, I think I’ve been bottling a lot of things up too, so that’s something we both need to work on. I’m just trying to figure out why you think I would be and why you think you’re not strong.”

“Because I took your pills,” he says quietly. “I almost relapsed.”

“Almost. But you didn’t. Instead you came to me and told me about it. And if you’re already planning on going to a meeting? That’s great, babe,” Carlos smiles and grabs his hands, squeezing them reassuringly.

“The meeting was my dad’s idea. I haven’t told him.”

“That’s okay. You still agreed to it, and you don’t have to tell him yet if you’re not ready. But whenever you are, I can be there with you if you want. I know he will understand.”

TK gives a small nod.

“Hey,” Carlos grabs his attention, tilting his head up gently. “I am proud of you, you know. And I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” TK gives him a genuine smile.

“Is there anything else I can do that will help you out?”

“Maybe, we could give your pills to my dad to hold onto? Just for a few days,” he says quietly, almost ashamed to admit but knowing it’s for the best.

“I can just get rid of them, I don’t think I need them,” Carlos responds far too quickly.

“Absolutely not. It’s only been a few days, and I can see how much pain you’re still in.”

Carlos nods. “Okay, then we will talk to your dad about it.”

TK smiles, a wave of relief washing over him that they had dealt with this in the best way possible. Maybe things aren't perfect now, and he still has a long way to go before he’ll feel stable in his recovery. But if the soft brown eyes and proud smile of his boyfriend sitting next to him are any indication, he knows he has all the support system he needs to get through it.

[marjansmarwani]

safe place to land

4.7k || ao3 • Chapter 1/2

Carlos was having the day from hell and he just wanted to talk to his boyfriend about it. Unfortunately, said boyfriend was currently missing and all Carlos could do was worry about him, or find him. But it really wasn’t a choice: he would always come for TK, no matter what.

a.k.a Carlos and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (a 2x08 coda)

Absolutely huge shout out to @officereyes who not only helped me come up with the idea but also helped me with a lot of the plot points. And also to max for talking me through the finer points of concussions, but that will be more relevant in chapter 2 (which will be up Friday, probably). 

Anyways, Carlos may have gotten the screen time he deserved in the last episode but I am still going to give him more anyways, because I can. Title is from “Honest Man” by Ben Platt. 

-----------

Carlos avoided eye contact with everyone as he exited the precinct. He could feel their stares: some sympathetic, some judgmental. He knows they all know. He knew that it had been the talk of the precinct in the hours he had been confined to the interrogation room. He knew they all had an opinion on it, and he was pretty sure he knew what most of them were saying. 

He didn’t have to guess what his father thought, at least. That was made perfectly clear. 

He stepped through the doors of the precinct with a sigh of relief, feeling like he had just run the gauntlet. The bright afternoon sunlight threw him even more, it should have been dark when he left today. It’s another reminder of how far from usual this all is, of how much his world has been rocked by one split-second decision. Of how much that one decision could cost him. 

He climbed into his car with a weary sigh, resting his head in his hands as he took a deep, measured breath. His world was falling apart around him; everything he had worked for was crumbling like dominos set off by one act of compassion. He just wanted to forget it all, but that wasn’t possible. He didn’t want to dwell on Mitchell’s outright disapproval or her cold silence on the way back to the precinct. He would give almost anything to never have to relive the stern looks of his superiors, the shame of being asked to hand over his badge and gun. Most of all he would give anything to forget the look of disappointment in his father’s eyes, so convinced that he had been right about his son, that Carlos needed saving now from himself.

He lifted his head and looked back at the precinct, the crushing feeling of shame pressing on him from all sides. He had possibly ruined everything all because he wanted to see the best in someone. He wanted to believe he hadn’t been taken advantage of, that he hadn’t been naive and fallen for a well-rehearsed sob story, but it was getting harder and harder to cling to that hope by the second. Maybe his dad was right. Maybe he had always been right. Maybe Carlos wasn’t cut out to be a cop after all. 

He was pulled out of his spiral by the feeling of his phone vibrating in his jacket pocket. He pulled it out to see a text from TK: a simple confirmation that he had made it to the station. Just that momentary distraction was enough to interrupt his cascading anxious thoughts, to pull him back to reality. Nothing had been decided yet, he reminded himself. It may not be as bad as it all seems. 

He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but he did know who he needed to talk to. So he started his car and pulled out of the parking lot, heading to the firehouse and the one person who could always talk him out of his own head. 

------------

TK hadn’t been at the firehouse when Carlos arrived, which shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did. Why should he have expected anything to go right today? 

Instead, he had had what was possibly his longest one-on-one conversation with his boyfriend’s father over green smoothies and had managed to spill all of his problems to the older man within a matter of minutes. He hadn’t really been meaning to tell him about getting suspended and he had definitely not intended to discuss his tense relationship with his father, but something had snapped in his mind it seemed and he no longer had the ability to keep these things bottled up. Maybe it was something about the firehouse — Carlos had always felt welcome there, comfortable even. Maybe that had been enough to lower his guard. Maybe it was simply the kind face of Owen Strand. For all the problems he knew TK had been having with his dad lately and for all the reservations Carlos personally had about the other man, there was no denying that Captain Strand was an empathetic soul, when he allowed himself to be. 

Maybe it was simply a matter of the walls of his mind being battered for too long — worn more and more with each passing day — that this newest addition to fears and insecurities he kept so fiercely guarded was one too many and had forced his defenses to finally break. If that was the case he supposed he should consider himself lucky. At least it had been with someone he knew and trusted instead of a random passerby or grocery store clerk.

Whatever the reason, it had helped. Owen’s words had helped to ease his worry and return some of his confidence to him. He had felt much better about it all, until his father had called. 

He had left the firehouse with a promise from Owen that he would tell TK he had stopped by before heading back to the precinct, once again ignoring the stares of his coworkers and trying to not feel affected by the indignity of needing an escort to head to the conference room. For a moment, he thought it would be alright. His dad was there and the man he had seen earlier was sitting on the other side of the glass. He had corroborated Carlos’s story, everything he had told them proved that Carlos’s instincts were correct and his actions justified. For a moment he thought everything was fine, but he was wrong. His dad still didn’t believe in him. He still thought that Carlos was a liability, that he was too soft to do the job. 

He didn’t say it, but Carlos had spent a lifetime reading between the lines of his dad’s words. 

Maybe it was exhaustion or frustration hitting the boiling point. Maybe he was bolstered by Owen’s words from early, by the unwavering faith his boyfriend’s father had in him that his own father couldn’t manage to replicate, but Carlos was done hiding things. He told his dad exactly what he thought, and then he left. He stormed out of the precinct and got right into his car before driving home. 

He barely wasted a moment when he stepped through his front door, only pausing long enough to shed his coat and drop his keys into the dish by the door before he entered his kitchen, pulling open cupboards in search of the ingredients he needed. Cooking had always calmed him, it had always been a way to manage his stress and ease his mind. He desperately needed some of that today. 

He paused for a moment before he made up his mind, crossing to the rarely used cupboard above the fridge. He opened it and pulled out the pasta press that lived there, always present but hardly ever used because while he may love the result of handmade pasta it took far more time than he usually had to spare. 

It seemed he had plenty of it today, however. Maybe even for the foreseeable future. Besides, he needed something to take his mind off everything that had happened today and desperate times called for desperate measures. 

He mixed the eggs, flour, oil, and salt together in a large bowl as he let his mind wander. He still needed to tell TK about all of this, he realized. In all of their ins and out today, they kept missing each other. It wasn’t something he wanted to do over a text or a phone call though, so it would have to wait until he was here. Carlos assumed he would come here after his shift — he did, more often than not — but he paused in his mixing long enough to grab his phone. Dinner tonight? he typed into their text thread, followed by the pasta emoji. He received a “sounds great!” and a thumbs up in return and felt a smile return to his face. At least with TK coming for dinner, he was guaranteed to have at least one good part of this day. 

He returned to the task at hand, pulling the beginnings of the dough out of the bowl and placing it on the counter where he started kneading it. He still couldn’t believe everything that had transpired today. When he had left this morning the possibility of running into a suspected bank robber strapped to a bomb and getting suspended had never even crossed his mind. Nor had getting the confirmation that his dad didn't believe in him, but here he was. 

He hit the dough a little harder, the look of grim acceptance in his father’s eyes flashing through his mind once again. He loved his father and he knew that his father loved him; that had never been a question. But there was a difference between loving someone and believing in them, and that was the gray area he and his father existed in. He had always known, deep down. He knew that his father thought he felt things too strongly, that he was too emotional to do the job. That he was a naive bleeding heart waiting for the next lost cause to come around the corner. The worst part was that in so many ways, he was right. Carlos did care too much, he did always strive to see the best in people. He had never seen that as a weakness. Clearly, his father felt otherwise. 

He finished kneading with a sigh, wrapping the dough up in plastic wrap and setting it to rest on the counter as he turned to the cutting board full of vegetables and herbs waiting to be chopped for the sauce. He picked up the knife and started in on the garlic, letting his mind wander once again. His father hadn’t been the only one to show outright disappointment in him today, but that had been less surprising. That didn't change the fact that it had stung. These were people he worked beside on a daily basis, some for years. They were the people he was supposed to trust with his life. 

Generally, he did. He didn’t think that they were bad people or that they would ever not have his back in the field. He had always known that in many cases, they saw the world around them in different ways, but he had never expected it to become a problem quite in the way it has. He couldn’t pretend that the look of disappointment from his Captain — someone he had admired for years — hadn’t stung. 

He was snapped back to the task at hand when his knife slipped and a curse was torn from his lips by the sharp pain of a cut across his thumb. He pulled his hand away quickly, placing his other hand under it to prevent the blood from dripping onto the food as he crossed to the sink. He ran it under water and examined it. It was long and crossed the knuckle which would make it hurt like hell, but it didn’t look too deep, thankfully. He would wrap it for now and TK could look at it when he got home. Which wasn’t strictly necessary, but he knew his boyfriend would insist. Becoming a paramedic had only increased that particular inclination. Not that Carlos could say he particularly minded; it made TK feel better and Carlos was never one to deny his boyfriend anything that would put his mind at ease. 

He made quick work of bandaging his hand before putting on some music and returning to the task at hand. He tossed the vegetables in the pan to simmer and begin to form a sauce while he turned his attention to the dough. He tried not to dwell on the disaster that today had been as he rolled it out. Instead, he tried to let himself get lost in the process, threading the dough through the press carefully and laying the fresh pasta on a paper towel next to the stove. He checked on the sauce next to find that it had come together nicely and lowered the burner to keep it warm while he waited. He busied himself setting the table, throwing himself into putting together a far more elaborate table than was necessary for a Monday night in the interest of giving himself something to do that would silence all the doubts and questions in his head. 

At one point he glanced at the clock on the stove and frowned. TK should have been here by now. He grabbed his phone and sent out a quick text before returning to his project. It wasn’t until he had done every single thing he could think of without hearing the familiar sound of keys in the door that he started to worry. He grabbed his phone again, leaning against the counter as he tapped the name at the top of his recent calls. It rang for what seemed like an eternity before TK’s voicemail answered. 

“Hey,” he said into the phone, “I was just wondering if you were on your way here. You’re running later than usual so I figured I’d check, but I guess you’re still on a call or something. Just give me a call when you get this, I guess?” 

He hung up the phone after that, settling at the counter with a glass of wine as he waited. He managed about 20 minutes before he tried calling again only to get his voicemail, again. It had been almost an hour and he was officially worried. He said as much in a text, anxiously staring at his phone hoping for those three dots to appear. They didn’t and Carlos finally caved, getting up from the counter and crossing over to the table where he blew out the candles before turning off the stove and grabbing his coat. 

The last thing his mind needed tonight was something else to worry about, but this was a fear that hit differently. This was one that no amount of pasta making could soothe away. So he grabbed his keys and stepped out into the night, heading off to find answers and hopefully his errant boyfriend. 

--------------

Just like that all the anxiety and fear he had felt since the call with the unwilling bank robber seemed so trivial, all it took was a few words from Grace and the sight of some bloody rags in a van. TK was in danger: real, horrifying, life or death danger, and not one of the things that had been weighing on him all day was enough to top that. All day he had felt weighed down with worry, had been dealing with his anxiety eating away at him. But this fear, this tangible threat to the person he loved more than anyone else engulfed him; constantly pressing on him from all sides. There was no escaping this one. No amount of cooking or wine would make this go away. The only thing that could make him feel better, that would let him breathe easier again would be finding TK safe and unharmed. 

Carlos could tell that Owen was having a similar dilemma beside him as they drove to the parking garage in tense silence. He wasn’t sure what had been worse: his own hesitant worry and the nagging feeling that something was wrong being confirmed, Owen’s typically ironclad composure slowly cracking before his eyes, or Gwyn’s outright fear. For some reason, he thought it was Gwyn.

He had gotten to know her well since her arrival in Austin: first as TK healed and she tended to him and then later as he spent time around the Strand house. He had come to know her as someone unflappable. He had seen her excuse herself in the middle of lunch to ream out the head of a major corporation over the phone about a stupid decision he had made that could put him in danger of breaching a contract and turn back to their previous conversation without missing a step. He had never imagined he would see her even close to losing her composure, ever. But he had almost seen it in the entryway to the house, her fear for her son and the guilt that she might have had a part in it pushing her towards the edge. She had seemed calmer when they left, closer to the steady woman Carlos had come to know, but she didn’t know what was really happening. If she did, he doubted she would be so calm.

TK needed to be okay, Carlos decided as he glanced back at Owen who was clutching the steering wheel far more tightly than necessary. His safety and well-being was far too important to too many people — Carlos included. Losing his job and disappointing his father was one thing, losing TK was entirely another, and it was something Carlos never wanted to face. Especially not like this. 

He anxiously ran his bandaged thumb over TK’s sobriety chip as they drove. He wondered how scared TK must have been to willingly part with it. It was a representation of everything he had worked for, it was something he was so proud of. For him to leave it as a breadcrumb, with no possible guarantee it would ever be found or that he would ever see it again, he must have been terrified and that thought more than anything else filled Carlos with dread. He wanted to say he was sure about this, but the reality was that he wasn't sure at all. It was merely a desperate hope, but if there was even a chance he could find TK he was going to take it.

The truck carried them closer and closer to their destination in complete silence as the two men sat engrossed in their own thoughts, but Carlos was pretty sure he knew what they both were thinking: TK needed to be okay. No other option was acceptable. 

---------------

TK had been whisked off for an exam and scans the moment the ambulance arrived, leaving Carlos in the waiting room. He had barely taken a seat before his phone had started ringing and it was at that moment that he realized the rest of the 126 crew had no idea that anything had even been wrong. Anxious calls from both Marjan and Paul later told him that the rest of the crew had no idea what had happened, until they saw it on the news. They had gotten the gist from the news report and had seen footage of TK being loaded into an ambulance and they were concerned, to say the least. 

Once Carlos had been allowed back to see him he snapped a photo of a miserable, bandaged TK trying for a smile as proof of life and put it in the group chat with a promise that once he was discharged and feeling a little more steady, they could come over and harass him for managing to find so much trouble. He read their responses to TK as they waited for the doctor to come by with the results of his scans, running a soothing hand up and down his arm the entire time. 

That’s how TK’s parents find them, arriving at the hospital after Owen went back to pick Gwyn up and actually explain to her what happened. Carlos is sure it had been a fun conversation, judging by the tense looks on both their faces when they entered the room, but any tension on Gwyn’s face melted the moment she saw her son.

“Oh, honey,” she said softly, eyes filling with tears as she crossed to the side of the bed. Carlos moved from his spot by TK without a word and slipped into the chair at the side of the room, giving TK’s parents some room to be with him. There were quiet words and whispered affections between mother and son as Owen hovered at the foot of the bed, watching them fondly. Eventually the dynamic shifted to something closer to their usual when Gwyn pulled a container out of her purse. 

“Really Mom?” TK asked with a dubious look, “where did you even get that?” 

“We stopped on the way,” Owen explained, “she insisted.” He must have caught Carlos’s puzzled look because he explained, “Matzo ball soup.” 

Carlos grinned even as TK tried to roll his eyes, but broke off with a hiss of pain. All eyes turned to him anxiously but he gave them a small smile, “I’m fine, I just tried to move my head too much.” 

“And I still fail to see how your soup is going to help heal that,” Owen quipped to Gwyn, who glared at him. The pair started into their usual banter as TK did his best to follow along while obediently eating the soup his mother had handed to him. Carlos watched the whole scene with a fond smile, even as he kept a watchful eye on TK. His boyfriend caught his eye at one point and gave him a soft smile before being pulled back into his parents’ conversation. Eventually, Owen and Gwyn left and it was just TK and Carlos again. 

“Why are you still over there?” TK asked him before the door had even fully closed behind his parents. “Don’t make me come to you.” 

Carlos chuckled and crossed the room, sliding back into his spot on the bed, and leaned down to press a soft kiss at the edge of the bandages, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

He leaned back then to study him more closely. His face was drawn and pale and there was no denying that he was in pain but considering everything, he looked okay. “How do you feel?” he asked him, resting a hand on his arm, “really?” 

“I am in a lot of pain, but I’m fine, really. It could have been much worse, considering everything.”

Carlos swallowed and the hand resting on TK’s arm squeezed tighter, “yeah, it could have been.” 

It was the thought that had kept him company in the waiting room as he had fielded calls from their friends and as he had sat off to the side as TK’s parents had had their time with him. It could have been so much worse, it nearly had been. From what he had heard at the scene and put together since there were a thousand ways it could have gone wrong and a hundred that could have taken TK away from him. He had known he loved the other man for months now, he had long since realized what an integral part of his life he had become. But never in any of that time had he come quite as close to the possibility of losing him for good as he had today and it terrified him. 

But TK didn’t need that on his mind so he said nothing. Instead, he asked, “Any word on how long you’ll have to be off work?” 

“No,” TK griped, “but I would imagine it would be at least a week or two.”

Carlos hummed sympathetically, “Well, if there was one good thing to come out of today it’s that I’ll at least have plenty of time to spend with you while they clear this whole suspension mess up.”

Now TK was looking at him sharply, “Suspension? What do you mean? Carlos, did you get suspended?” 

At his nod, TK’s eyes widened, “How? What happened?”  

“It wasn’t a big deal. Well, it isn’t anymore, I guess. Turns out those two guys that kidnapped you also kidnapped a man this morning and forced him to rob a bank with a bomb strapped to his neck for encouragement. And I let him go because he said they would kill him and I believed him.” 

“And you got suspended for that?” 

“Well I did let a man who had just robbed several thousand dollars from a bank go, TK.” 

“Still,” TK said petulantly and Carlos grinned at his unwavering defense of him.

“It’s okay,” he told him, “I think it’s going to be fine. It turns out I was right and your dad and I did help to find the bank robbers so my dad thinks…” 

“Wait, your dad was there?” 

“The bank robberies were his case. He was the one sent to investigate me too.” 

“Carlos, baby. That’s...so much,” TK gave him a sympathetic look and shifted their hands so he was squeezing Carlos’s. “Are you okay?” 

“I am,” he told him with more certainty than he had felt about anything all day, “because you’re safe and that is all I need. Everything else is just extra.” 

TK smiled at him but didn’t look convinced, “Are you sure?” 

“It was an awful day even before I knew you were missing,” he admitted. “Earlier today I thought I had ruined everything. But almost losing the person I love most put some things in perspective, I think. We’re together and as long as that’s true, I have faith that everything will work out one way or the other.” 

TK smiled at him and they lapsed into comfortable silence before Carlos realized he still had one more bit of news to share. 

“There’s something else we’re going to have to do too, when you’re feeling up to it,” Carlos told him.

“Are you going to be mysterious and make me guess with a severe concussion or…?” TK asked pointedly after a pause, and Carlos chuckled. 

“We’re going to have to find some time to go to my parents’ house for dinner,” he informed TK. “They want to meet you properly.” 

“Your parents,” TK began, eyes wide, “did you tell your dad about us?” 

“Actually, I didn’t have to. Apparently they have known about us since they ran into us at the market. But,” he admitted, “if they didn’t  know before they would have after tonight. I couldn’t take my eyes off you the whole time, even when talking to my dad. Guess I’m not exactly subtle when it comes to you. That and,” he paused, fishing around in his pocket before offering up TK’s one year chip, “I asked him if we could keep this out of evidence, as a favor for me.” 

TK took the chip reverently, turning it over slowly in his hands, “I can’t believe you actually found it,” he admitted, “I was hoping you would and I left it on the off chance, but I never actually thought…” he trailed off, raising his eyes to meet Carlos’s gaze, “you’re amazing, you know that?” 

“Not nearly as amazing as you,” he countered. “Have I told you yet today how proud I am of you?” 

TK smiled but any response was cut off by a yawn. “You need sleep,” Carlos reminded him, “we can talk about everything later.” 

He went to slide off the bed, but a hand on his wrist stopped him. He looked over at TK to see him looking at him incredulously, “Where you think you’re going, Carlos Reyes?” 

“Off your bed,” he replied, “so you can sleep?” 

“Not likely,” TK countered, “I have been kidnapped, held at gunpoint and pistol whipped today. I deserve to share a bed with my boyfriend at the very least.” 

“But,” Carlos spluttered, “you’re hurt, and the bed’s not really big and…” 

“All I’m hearing are excuses Carlos and excuses will not be tolerated. Get in here.” 

Carlos sighed but obeyed, kicking off his shoes and he carefully slid into the space TK had left open for him, “The nurses are going to be in to check on you throughout the night,” he reminded him, “we’re going to get in trouble.” 

“No we won’t,” TK assured him, “we’re too adorable.” 

“You are such a brat,” Carlos noted with a chuckle, placing a kiss on the top of his head as he got settled beside him. 

“And you love it.” 

“I do,” Carlos assured him softly, “and I will always come for you.” 

“I know you will,” TK responded even as his breathing evened and his eyes started to close, “and I never doubted it for a second.”

[beeexx]

The missing Tarlos scenes from 2x06

Word count: 4.8    Read on ao3

.......

“You know you need to tell him this, right?”

“No, no, I really don’t.” TK protests loudly, by banging the frozen bag of chickens into the counter, hoping they will shake loose with the excess force he is using. Carlos lifts an eyebrow from where he is standing in boxers and an old tank top, too much skin on display for it to be good for TK’s health, cutting onions into small, stupidly neat pieces on the chopping board. 

“TK….” Carlos begins, in that voice of his and TK turns around, eyes flashing.

“Carlos.” 

Carlos huffs.

“Babe, this is clearly bothering you, and taking it out on our poor dinner isn’t ideal.” He points out.

“Oh, sure Carlos, I’ll just tell my dad that him having another kid is a terrible idea because I’m a prime example of how they messed up with the first one.”

“TK…” 

“Oh and while I’m at it I might as well bring up how I am feeling about it and make it all about myself like I always do, that ought to go down really well.” He snaps and Carlos sighs. 

“You don’t make everything about yourself.” TK lifts an eyebrow and Carlos snorts. “Okay, sometimes you do, but often not without a legit reason and this is definitely a situation I feel you’re entitled to feel whatever it is that you’re really feeling and express that.” 

“Okay, well if we’re on the subject of telling parents what we really think then why don’t you take a page out of your own book and tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, oh, or better yet, the way you’ve been feeling for years about them refusing to acknowledge that you’re gay.” As soon as the words leave his mouth TK regrets them and he winces at the wounded look Carlos sends his way at his harsh words.

Fuck. 

“That’s not the same thing.” Carlos mutters, he sounds bitter about it and were it not for the deeply thoughtful look also making its way across his features TK would take the words back immediately.

“I could have gone about that differently, sorry…. But, but isn’t that exactly the same thing as this is though.” 

“We were talking about you.” Carlos points out in an attempt to deflect and TK just chooses to let it go because he doesn’t have the energy to have an argument about two different things at the moment. His head is enough of a mess as it is. 

“My point still stands, talking to your parents about all the ways they have hurt you is fucking hard, okay?”

“Yes, okay I will agree with you on that.”

“And if you really want to make this all about me this time then fine. Try telling my dad, Owen Strand, Captain of the 126, adored by his crew, envied by even more, hero, cancer survivor, the list could go on for a long time Carlos, yes try telling that person that oh yeah by the way dad you neglected me as a child and now I have both abandonment issues, self esteem issues and a constant fear that no one is ever going to love me because I am not worthy of it, that will go down real well.” 

He hits the bag three more times against the counter and lets out a triumphant sound as the frozen chickens finally rattle loose inside and he turns to hold it up to Carlos, a sly little smile at the corner of his lip, because his tactic did work even though Carlos had doubted it would. Carlos isn’t smiling though, he’s frowning, concern written all over his face, eyebrows pinched together and TK drops the bag in confusion.

“What?”

Carlos puts the knife down and takes the bag from TK, throwing it lazily, without looking in the direction of the kitchen sink before he steps up close, wrapping his arms around TK and pulling him close. TK lets out a huff of air, taken aback by the fierceness of the action. 

“I hate it when you do this to yourself…” Carlos starts and TK sighs, wraps his arms around him back and nods against Carlos’ neck, can’t help but breathe him in, feeling the calming effect of it already working through his system. 

“Sorry.”

“No, no don’t apologise.” Carlos leans back and TK looks up to meet his stormy eyes. He opens his mouth but he isn’t sure what to say. 

“I love you, okay? So much and I wish I could hit that into your thick skull sometimes but I can’t, so I’m just going to have to spend every day in this relationship proving that you are indeed worthy of love and no past damage or mistakes will change that, okay?” TK can only nod, his throat suddenly thick with emotions he doesn’t know how to express.

“With that said, you’re not very good at keeping things bottled up, especially not for a long time and especially not something this big, so you should probably really think about what you actually feel about this whole situation before you choose to do that.”

“Judd said I was jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Yeah, something about me wanting to push the baby down a well or something because I couldn’t handle not being the only child anymore.”

“He said what now?” TK chuckles at Carlos’ incredulous look and he shrugs.

“It was some biblical reference I don’t know. Prodigal son?” 

“Oh, like Cain and Abel, like a lesser known older brother and the jealousy that stems from it because it’s natural to resent the baby because you’re scared it’s going to take your place.” Realisation dawns on Carlos’ face and his eyes light up like they always do when he gets to talk about things he knows, which at times is a surprisingly big amount of random shit.

“Yeah, yeah, exactly that.” TK says sarcastically, gives Carlos a curious look.

“What? I read.” He shrugs and smirks proudly. TK hums. ”Well Judd is good at a lot of things, maybe giving advice isn’t his forte.”

“And yours is?” TK lifts a challenging eyebrow. 

“I am an excellent advice giver, I’ll have you know. The issue isn’t me, the issue is everyone else and no one listening to what I’m saying.”

“Oh, so you have a lot of experience then, giving advice?” TK bites down his smile as Carlos glares without heat.

“I chased Michelle around for years when she was getting in trouble searching for her sister. I definitely have a lot of experience.” TK chuckles and leans up to kiss his nose. It wrinkles adorably and TK’s heart tugs in his chest. He loves Carlos so much.

“I love you too, so much. And I’m sorry for bringing up your parents again, that wasn’t nice of me.” TK apologizes and Carlos nods and watches back with quiet brown intense eyes.

“It’s okay, you were right though.” He grudgingly admits. 

“Maybe, but there is no pressure, as I’ve said you can take all the time in the world that you need to figure it out and I’ll support you either way.” He promises and Carlos gives him a soft beautiful smile.

“Thanks.” Carlos whispers, grateful and TK nods, and gently starts scraping his knuckles against Carlos’ scalp, pulling at his curls in a way that makes his face soften immediately, eyes falling shut in contentment and his arms tighten around TK, breathing heavily. His reaction tells TK that Carlos feels really comforted by the way he is touching him and that he needed it more than he let on.

TK has always responded well to touch, Carlos picked up on that a lot quicker than most, but it’s also not uncommon for Carlos to like it as well. He just doesn’t always express it, so TK’s taken to doing it when he senses it’s something Carlos needs, while not always being aware of it himself. It’s these small gestures TK’s learnt, that you do for the other person and that they do for you that love really is. 

Carlos’ eyes are closed and he’s letting out soft sounds of pleasure, it’s distracting as hell, and it’s making it even more difficult being this close to him and not kissing him, so TK does because he feels he can’t not do it, and angles Carlos’ head down and captures his lips in a searing hot kiss. As always when they kiss like this, starting out soft, but then growing with intention and heat, the slowburn of arousal starts to make its way through his veins, electric energy flooding his system. Only Carlos has this effect on him. 

When Carlos reaches to grab at his hair and then bites at his lip it makes TK whine and chase after him when he moves back. 

“Dinner, remember?” Carlos reminds him, but with his curls standing up unruly and his pupils dark with want, it’s very hard for TK to remember the reason why he can’t skip dinner all together and eat Carlos out instead. Carlos huffs and his hands tighten around his sides like he can read TK’s mind.

“After dinner.”

“Is that a promise?” TK asks slyly. 

“Yes.” Carlos reassures and the slow self satisfied grin tugging at his lips is fucking obscene and TK cheekily grabs his ass in retaliation. Carlos knows the effect he has on him. 

“You know cooking in boxers can be a fire hazard.” He points out.

“Good thing I know an excellent firefighter then.” He says and kisses TK hard on the lips before he steps away, walking back to his mostly finished chopped up onions, giving TK a very nice view of his ass in the black tight boxers he’s wearing. God, his boyfriend is hot as fuck.

The rest of the evening is so nice in fact that for a moment he doesn’t think about his parents or the baby, or anything other than how much he loves Carlos and how lucky he is to really have him in his life.

…….

TK unlocks the door to Carlos’ place, throws the bag towards what he hopes is the direction of the shoes, and puts his keys down in the bowl by the door, where Carlo’s are already lying. He steps inside and almost jumps out of skin when he sees his boyfriend sitting on the stairs, frowning and very clearly waiting for him. Most of the lights are off and it casts his features into stunning relief, even when angry, Carlos is too good looking for his own good.

“So, you heard?” TK gulps and Carlos nods.

“Yes, yes I did hear, from the group chat, but not just that, every goddamn news station in the state is covering how two firefighters jumped through a minefield to save two boys that were hurt.”

“Well, only one of them was hurt.” TK shuts his mouth when Carlos levels him with a deeply unimpressed look and he takes a slow step forward and tries again.

“In my defense, I am certified and I was qualified to do it.” TK stops, draws in a sharp breath, backtracks. “Are you mad?” 

Carlos lets out a deep breath, and his features soften slightly before he shakes his head, scrubs a hand through his face and when he looks up his eyes are wide and sad.

“No, no, of course I’m not mad. Just extremely worried.”

“Oh?” TK asks, feels confused, scrambling to catch up with the change, having been expecting that Carlos would be upset with him. Carlos huffs and opens his arms and it’s all TK needs for him to take a few steps forward before he sits down between Carlos’ legs, wrapping his arms around his neck, pulling him close. Carlos plants a kiss in his hair, and tightens his grip around TK, almost unconsciously starts stroking his hands down his back and TK lets him, can’t push away the guilt that’s come on so strong, mixing badly with the elevation he’s also feeling after the day he’s had. But when his boyfriend reacts like this it can’t help but leave an acid taste in his mouth too.

“I’m not sure whether I want to never let you leave my arms ever again or brag to everyone that I am for sure dating a hero.” Carlos says and were it not for the slight tremor of his voice that he tries to conceal, TK would laugh. 

“I wouldn’t mind never leaving your arms.” He admits because it sounds appealing, especially now, when adrenaline is starting to make way to exhaustion instead. 

Carlos huffs. 

“You’d get bored after a day or two.” He points out and TK shakes his head.

“You underestimate the excellent sex we do have, I’m sure I could be convinced for three days or so.” Carlos laughs, but then one of his hands wrap around TK’s wrist, feeling out his pulse, comforted by the steady thumping of it. TK lets him, allowing himself after the hectic day he’s had to tuck his face into the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck to breathe him in. They both have different ways of calming themselves down when the other one is near and on certain days they need it a little more than on others. 

“Your pulse is beating insanely quick.” Carlos points out after a while and TK hums against Carlos’ neck, gives himself a moment before he detaches himself slightly so he can look at him. 

“Adrenaline.” He shows Carlos his hand that’s still trembling slightly and Carlos’ eyebrow pinch in concern.

“I’m sorry -” TK begins because he really does hate it when Carlos is sad but Carlos shakes his head and interrupts. 

“No, no, this is on me. I know you have a dangerous job that sometimes requires that you take risks, I just wish they didn't have to be this big, a minefield, that’s just insane.” TK nods, he understands.

“But also really cool.” He can’t help but let slip out, eyes alive in excitement and smirking. Carlos snorts and pokes his nose, a little hard maybe, but only a little.

“Yes and designed to give me a goddamn heart attack, you know I’m not even 30, by this rate I’ll be going grey before I hit 35.” He points out, gives TK a look that speaks volumes about how offended Carlos seems to be over that. He laughs and reaches for Carlos’ hair, tugging gently on it.

“I think you’d suit grey really well to be fair.” Carlos wrinkles his nose in distaste and it’s so adorable that he can’t help but laugh again and Carlos distaste slowly melts into something much softer and he sticks his tongue out instead like a mature 26 year old that he is. “And if we’re pointing fingers, remember that hostage situation a while back where an office was shot and I thought it was you because you wouldn’t answer your phone?” Carlos winces and he looks momentarily guilty about that because TK had been so fucking worried he could barely even do his job that day and when Carlos hadn’t answered by the time they were both off shift TK had lost it a little bit. 

“Not my finest moment.” Carlos admits.

“No, so don’t go pointing fingers.” But he’s mostly joking even though that day had been scary as fuck, he so very much understands Carlos’ worry today, he really does. Carlos hums.

“How was it then?” He asks and TK bites at his lip, trying to figure out how to word everything. He turns towards Carlos and sits up on his knees, bringing him eyelevel with him and wraps his arms around his neck. Immediately Carlos’ hands come to rest on his waist, his fingers slipping underneath TK’s jumper to trace skin. 

“It was incredible, well the minefield aside which was scary for sure, but after that I’ve been feeling like I’ve been on this incredibly long lasting high ever since.” Carlos lifts an eyebrow at the metaphor and TK shrugs sheepishly. 

“Yeah, but it’s an apt metaphor for the feeling. I guess I haven’t felt good like that in a while.”

“No?” Carlos asks and there is no trace of judgement or anything in his voice, just kind and curious eyes looking at him. TK nods.

“The only other times I’ve felt this kind of high is you know actually getting high and when I’m with you, I guess the job’s been missing that spark for a while.” Carlos smiles and leans forward to plant a kiss on his nose.

“I’m not totally sure about comparing this relationship to a high.” He points out and TK snorts.

“I’m not, I’m comparing the feeling. Being with you is like pure happiness you know? I feel, just, like I’ve never felt before and even when it’s tough it’s worth it because I love you so much and I know deep down that you love me too and I never don’t want to spend my time with you, so yeah, the feeling is addictive for sure. I really just love you.” He goes quiet and Carlos' eyes have softened and he’s met by a look of pure love and a breathtakingly beautiful smile breaks across Carlos’ face before he pulls TK close and kisses him softly and slowly, making TK’s toes curl inside of his shoes. 

“Fuck.” Carlos whispers against his lips. “I love you too, so much.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos says with adoring eyes and voice full of love before he runs his hand through TK’s hair and gently pulls him close, kissing him hard on his lips again. It’s TK who pulls back though making Carlos lift an eyebrow in surprise because it’s unexpected for TK to be the one to do this, so before TK can chicken out he blurts out the words.

“But I might have done something stupid…”

“Oh?” Carlos asks, amusement dancing in his eyes like he’s totally expecting it. 

“Yeah, I might have handed in my resume to Vega for the position to become a paramedic.” He rushes the words out, hates the silence between them and can’t help but feel ridiculously nervous all of a sudden waiting for Carlos' reaction. Carlos opens and closes his mouth a few times then shakes his head.

“Okay, wait, I think you need to back up a few steps here so I can follow.” He says, confusion evident in his eyes. But he’s giving TK an encouraging look at TK takes in a deep breath.

“The minefield was not fun and the thought of what could have happened to me and my dad while out there was really scary. I’m not trying to take massive risks anymore, not when I have you to come home to.” Carlos smiles, lovingly, and gives him an encouraging look spurring TK on. “But I knew someone had to get to the kid and with the help of my dad and Vega that I could do something about it, so I volunteered. And the elevation afterwards, that all came from saving the kid. It just… it felt really good to save someone, to be the one to actually do it.” TK confesses loudly for the first time since his shift ended and he in the spur of the moment added his name to the pile in Vega’s office, and saying it makes him feel a little calmer than he has ever since walking off the field. 

“Oh, okay.” Carlos says, not fully understanding yet what TK is trying to say, and yet being so patient with him, waiting for TK to figure it out. 

“I don’t know, I sometimes feel like I’m not doing enough in the field, like I could do more... and while I also know that’s not the case because every day we all go out in the field doing our best together. But I think I’ve been carrying this with me for a while now, it’s just that this year has been a lot, and even when there is a pandemic going on people still forget to turn their stove off, and they get into car accidents or have their cats escape up in trees unable to come down. The world hasn’t stopped, it’s been moving and I’ve been moving with it without having the time to reflect a lot on myself and the job. But today, I don’t know, I felt like something just clicked while out there and when I could really help him...I guess, I really liked doing it.” TK blushes because he’s been ranting and he’s averted his eyes but they move back to Carlos by their own accord and Carlos’ eyes have cleared from all earlier confusion, instead understanding has taken over and he nods his head thoughtfully.

“And that’s why you handed in your resume? Because you want to continue doing it?” Carlos fills in and TK nods biting his lip.

“D-do you… Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“It’s not up to me to tell you what to do babe, but you know what?”

“What?” TK asks, hanging onto every word he’s saying. 

“I think you’d be good at it.”

“Yeah?” He asks, hopeful, and Carlos smiles.

“Of course, you’d be amazing at it, if it’s what you want.”

“It is yes, it’s what I want.” TK says with certainty. It’s just clicked, like all that has been shaking loose and upended recently inside of him finally settle a little more.

“Then yes, it’s an amazing idea. You’re going to be so good.” Carlos grins and TK melts because while he doesn’t depend on Carlos’ approval for this it’s so nice to see him be actually happy for him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Carlos promises and TK releases the breath he wasn’t aware he’d been holding and his own face breaks into a relieved smile. 

“I think I could be good at it too.” He confesses a little shyly and Carlos beams and pulls TK slightly forward, his forehead resting on his and everything just settles for TK because nothing beats this, nothing beats Carlos. 

“I’m proud of you.” Carlos says and TK can’t bite down the smile. But it falls off his face after a moment and he moves back, looks a little unsure again.

“I might have done something else that wasn’t very smart.” Carlos huffs, lifts an eyebrow, so ever patient with him.

“What did you do now?”

“I didn’t tell my dad…” He trails off and Carlos grimaces but then a look of determination takes over and he shrugs before he gently grasps TK’s face between his hands, stroking a thumb lovingly along his cheek.

“Well, you know what I think?” TK shakes his head. “I think it’s not any of his business really.”  

That surprises TK to be honest and he lifts an eyebrow.

“W-what? I mean really?”

“Yeah, I mean maybe you should have told him before you just went and did it, but it’s your life and not his. And as long as you’re not doing it for someone else then it’s not really his choice to make.”

“I’m doing it for me, it’s what I want.” Carlos’ lip lifts in a proud smile and he nods.

“Good.”

“But, what if he’s not happy?”

“I don’t think he will be unhappy, maybe a little surprised and maybe give him a moment. But if he knows you like I do, then he will realise it’s a good thing.”

“Okay, I hope so.” TK musters up a wane smile, still can’t push away the spikes of anxiety about the conversation he’s going to have to have with his dad. But it can wait, for a little while at least. 

“You know Vega is going to bust your ass right?” Carlos jokes, eyes full of mirth, smirking and TK snorts.

“Yeah, yeah I know.”

“I remember when Michelle started training under her, the stories she would tell me, Vega is badass and she taught Michelle who is also a badass, I’m expecting she’s going to do the same to you.”

“I’m already a badass.” TK reminds him and Carlos chuckles. 

“True, I think she will do you some good though. Challenge you and allow you to really thrive under her, she has that effect on people.” TK nods.

“It’s a tough job…”

“Yeah, but as you said, you’re already a badass, you’re going to do great.”

“It will be nice to be the paramedic, rather than calling one.” TK says and it grows a little more serious between them. 

“I mean -” TK clears his throat at Carlos’ silence. “I have experience of being on the other end and I know what it’s like being helped. I guess a part of me is looking forward to doing the helping.”

“I see, well you care so much about people and if you get a chance to show that, to show them this.” Carlos' hands move to cover TK’s heart and it flutters in his chest, warmth spreading to every cell of his body and he smiles shyly. “Then, well, you’re going to be very good at it.” TK bites his lip and nods.

“It feels… I don’t know, just right.”

“Good, that’s amazing.” TK doesn’t know what to say but he’s grateful, more than how he knows to express at the moment but in the way Carlo’s face softens, maybe he can read between the lines.

“Have you talked to Owen about the baby yet?” TK groans, can’t help but glare, the moment between them broken suddenly, like a bucket of ice cold water has been thrown at him, and he moves his head away, hiding in the crook of Carlos’ shoulder and neck and nibbles at his skin making Carlos chuckle, twitching in his arms.

“No, not yet…” He says though, voice muffled by Carlos’ skin. 

“Well, do you want to talk about it?” TK sighs but takes his head away and meets Carlos’ eyes. 

“I feel… I mean I am happy for them of course but...” He bites at his lip, hard and Carlos reaches forward with his thumb to gently stroke it over the swollen redness making TK stop the action. He takes in a deep breath instead.

“But they always do this, and I don’t even think they are realising it, but they get so single-minded and focused on themselves that they forget everything else. The fighting isn’t fun, I’ve been in the middle of it and I know how lonely and unwanted you can feel when it happens. What they’re doing, it feels like they are just falling into the same patterns as before without even realising that they are, and it’s not going to last if they do it that way.” 

Carlos looks thoughtful and TK feels annoyed and frustrated because he can’t help but think it makes his parents feel so irresponsible and it’s hard to come to terms with that because his parents in their own right are extremely competent people, it’s just when together, they aren’t always. 

“I support you, I always will and your feelings here are valid and to be worried is honestly a sign of growth.” Carlos begins.

“Oh, you're calling me mature, that’s unusual.” TK jokes, changing the subject.

“I mean you’re definitely a hot mess, a terrible terrible driver for sure.” Carlos easily fires back.

“God, did Judd text you?”

“And filmed some of it. This is why I’m never letting you drive my baby.”

“Hold on, I thought I was your baby, and here I find out you have someone else on the side?” Carlos’ arms tighten around him, biting his lip, the smile threatening to take over. 

“What can I say, I really like that car and I paid a lot of money for it.”

“It’s a terrible car for making out in.” TK reminds him and Carlos smirks, reminded of the few times they’ve gotten frisky in it. 

“True, still not letting you drive it.” He teases and TK glares. 

“Rude.”

“Maybe, but I care too much about the possibility of my greying hairs to get here sooner than I’d like to, to get into a car where you are driving us.”

“Well I might be a paramedic soon, so at least you'd be with someone where your odds are fractionally better if you were to get in an accident.”

“Still not letting you drive it Strand.”

“Worth a shot.” TK laughs and Carlos smiles.

“So, do you want dinner or?”

TK shakes his head.

“No, I’m good, but I’m getting too old to sit on my knees like this.” He grumbles and shifts to get the blood running again. Carlos chuckles and makes it all the easier by just scooping him up in his arms. TK yelps and Carlos grins, delighted by the sound. TK wraps his legs around Carlos’ waist, tightens his arms around his neck.

“Please don’t drop me.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it baby.” Carlos reassures grinningly. “So, bed?”

“Bed.” TK agrees.

He lets Carlos carry him up the stairs and into the bedroom, feeling so safe in his arms, that whatever conversation that’s waiting for him tomorrow with his dad, doesn’t matter as much anymore.

[futures-tense]

We’ll Find Out What We’re Made Of

//~1.2k//tw: shooting mention, arson mention, spoilers for 4x13 of 911 and 2x12 of ls//

Buck needs to talk to someone. He wishes it could be Eddie. But, at the moment, his best friend is in surgery and all Buck can do is pace around his living room. Christopher isn’t home yet- he’s spending the day with Abuela and Pepa- leaving Buck at the mercy of the suffocating silence. He pulls out his phone and calls the first person who comes to mind, putting it on speaker and placing it on the coffee table.

“Buck, hey!” TK says. The excitement in his words are the exact opposite of what Buck’s feelings.

“Hey... Um, are-are you busy?”

“Lucky for you, Carlos is out and I’m on... a bit of a vacation. So no; what’s up?”

Buck lowers himself onto the couch. “Something... I just need a distraction.”

This time when TK speaks he seems a little further away which probably means he’s on speaker. “What happened?”

“Is someone else there?”

“Just me, Buck.”

Buck scrubs his hand over his eyes, lets out a breath. He doesn’t know why he’s telling TK this; they’ve only known each other a few months. But they’d talked almost every day since the wildfires and he trusted him- not as much as he trusted Eddie but close enough to-

“Eddie got shot.”

“What?”

“How’s Carlos?”

“He’s fine,” TK says vaguely. “Go back; Is Eddie okay? Are you okay?”

Buck tugs at a loose string of the hoodie Bobby had brought him at the hospital. He catches a glimpse of red caked at his cuticle and he thinks he might cry.

“Buck.”

“He’s... He’s in surgery. I dunno, I’m not family.”

“What about you?”

“I need a distraction,” he says matter of factly. “How are you? You moved into Carlos’s last month, right? How’s that been?”

“Good, good,” TK says, a little too quick but Buck looks past it. “Things have been...exciting.”

“Gross,” Buck teases and TK laughs.

“Not like that! Well, actually...”

“Anyway.”

Buck hears TK giggle softly. “You remember how I said that when we got Buttercup, he would only go after my stuff?”

“Mhm?”

“Yeah, he has a new victim.”

“Oh no.”

“Yup, he likes to chew on Carlos’s shoes now.” He sounds almost proud and Buck shakes his head.

“You must be so relieved,” he says sarcastically.

“It is cute to see my intimidating boyfriend pout about having to get rid of a shirt that was barely surviving anyway.” That makes Buck laugh and he instantly feels guilty. “I mean, we needed to buy him a bunch of new clothes anyway,” TK adds the last part under his breath, and Buck files it away to ask about later.

“Wait- so, your dad let you take Buttercup with you when you moved out?”

TK doesn’t say anything for a few moments and Buck almost has to make sure the call didn't fail.

“That’s- not exactly, no,” TK finally says.

Buck makes a face even though TK can’t see him. “Then how does Buttercup get Carlos’s stuff?”

“We are currently...living in my dad’s guest room...”

Buck freezes. “But you just- you moved into Carlos’s.”

“Yes, I did,” TK starts. “But then...it sort of...burned down...”

He lets that sink in just to make sure he heard that right. “Your house burned down.”

“Yes.”

“TK, you may be a paramedic now but you were also a firefighter,” he jokes. “You should know fire safety.”

“Okay, first of all,” TK says, a playful bitterness in his voice, “rude. Second, it...wasn’t exactly our fault.”

“What happened?”

TK doesn’t say anything for a while. Buck knows he still there though; he keeps hearing a soft sniff now and then.

“There, um... There was an arsonist- AFD’s arson investigator, actually. He... He got in somehow and-”

TK’s voice breaks and Buck sighs. “Everyone’s okay?”

TK lets out a watery, bitter laugh. “No, not remotely.” Buck hears him take a shaky breath. “Uh, everyone’s still pretty shaken up after the firehouse explosion-“

“Wait, what?”

“Oh yeah, the arsonist blew up the firehouse, too. And then everything with Carlos and me... Marjan’s been struggling too, but...”

“She’s Marjan?”

TK sighs. “It’s not fair. The stuff they’re saying. It’s- she was doing her job. There was nothing she could have done. And she’s not really talking to us about it. None of us know how to help.”

Buck thought of all the calls that hadn’t gone his way. “I get it. She just needed someone to blame.”

“I hate that it had to be Marjan.”

“Me too.”

“And Dad, he-“ TK scoffs. “God, Buck, everything is a mess; I’m not sure if I’m the best distraction right now.”

“Don’t worry about it, TK,” Buck says. “Sounds like I’m not the only one who needed to talk.”

“Yeah...” He sounds exhausted and Buck wishes he could do more.

“You’re still good with Mr. Perfect, right?”

TK lets out a laugh. “You’re still pining after Super Dad, right?”

Buck’s smile fades and TK curses on the other end, realizing his mistake without Buck’s help.

“Sorry, I-“

“It’s fine. You’re fine.”

They sit in silence for a while. “I think...” TK stops, evaluates, then starts again. “I think, you should tell him.”

“Remember what happened last time you told me that?”

TK thinks for a moment then gasps. “Oh my god, I forgot about her.”

Buck rolls his eyes. He pulls at that string again and the cuff of his sleeve tightens around his wrist.

“I haven’t told her. About Eddie.” Then something else hits him. “Oh my god...”

“What?”

“Chris...”

“He doesn’t know yet?” Buck covers his face and shakes his head. Almost like he can see him, TK makes a disapproving noise. “No, Buck, you have to tell him. That’s his dad, you need to tell him.”

“But does it have to be me?” Buck asks. “I don’t... I could- I could tell Ana and she could tell him.”

“Buck, he won’t want to hear it from her,” TK insists. “You know that; hell, I know that and I’ve never met either of them.”

Buck knew he was right but-

“I had to tell Eddie that I lost Chris in a tsunami.” TK doesn’t respond. “I stood there and I had to tell my best friend that his son was gone. I don’t... I don’t think I can do something like that again...”

“I know, Buck, I know, but-“ Buck hears a door open and TK mumbles something before continuing. “Buck, you have to tell him.”

“I will, I will,” he sighs. “I have to go pick him up soon anyway.”

“Hey, Buck?” He makes a face. That isn’t TK. “I’m so sorry but- can I steal TK?”

Buck smiles a little. “He’s your boyfriend, Carlos.”

“That is true,” Carlos says. “Babe, it’s the Vegas.”

There’s a weighted silence that Buck knows all too well.

“TK, I’m gonna go. Keep me updated.”

“Yeah, of course,” TK says, sounding distracted. “Just- Tell him. Both of them.”

Buck nods. “I know, I will.”

“Bye, Buck.”

TK is the first to hang up and Buck sits back against the couch, wondering how the fuck he’s going to explain all of this to Christopher.

[buckybarnesalways]

The unexpected

this fic is inspired by @bellakitse fic Flesh wound. please go read it. its absolutely beautiful. (while you're there you should read all of her other amazing fics)

Warnings: implied character death and curse words (if you find anything else please fill free to tell me)

Tags: @sneetchestoo @mycurlyboobear @morganaspendragonss @marjansmarwani @trkstrnd @reyeslonestar @reyescarlos @reyesstrand @ladyate @snufflesandfluff @blakestrand126 @littleelisabeth @lire-casander @lundya366

Tk was rolling hoses when he noticed everyone glancing at him with worry and sadness evident in their eyes.

"What?", he said, annoyed, before he got his answer. He heard his dad calling for him, Tk took the stairs to his dad’s office letting out a huff as he entered.

"Dad, what's going on? Why is everyone being so weird?"

"Son…" Owen began, "there's something I have to tell you."

"Ok…" Tk answered back, "whatever it is, I didn't do it."

He abruptly stopped laughing when he saw the shine of tears in his dad's eyes.

"Dad, is it mom, is it the baby?'' he began rambling, panic now gripping him.

"Tk, there was an incident at a scene and Carlos…" Owens' voice broke as he said the man's name.

"What about Carlos?" Tk whispered, forcing the words past the sudden lump in his throat.

Owen continued, "They were chasing a suspect and Carlos ran after him into an abandoned warehouse…" Owen paused here, not wanting to say what happened next.

"Dad please, I have to know!" Tk choked out.

Owen nodded, "The warehouse was full of chemicals. The man that they were chasing realised this and he threw his lighter into one of the puddles. I don't think he expected anything other than a small fire but the building exploded and… Tk, I’m so sorry but Carlos didn't make it out…"

"No." Tk said, "he’s fine, how do they know he didn't make it?"

"Son they found two bodies inside the building once they got the fire contained…" Owen said sadly.

"Dad." Tk whispered.

Then, in an instant, his whole world fell apart.

"Nooooo!" he screamed, sobbing uncontrollably."...No... I can't...please... Not without him!", his words coming out a jumbled mess.

By this time the rest of the station had gathered around outside Owen's office, Tk was hysterical.

"I need him, I don't wanna be without him. I can't be without him!!" Tk was rambling faster and more frantically than ever before.

Just as his knees crumpled beneath him he felt a pair of arms catch him, but no he had to have been dreaming. The arms around him couldn't be real, they belonged to the one person who Tk was desperate for, the man that his dad had just told him was gone. Could he dare hope this was real, not just his desperate mind clinging to false hope?

"Shhh, baby it’s ok, I'm here." Carlos’ voice cut through his confusion.

Tk ‘s eyes snapped up and his breath hitched in his throat as they locked with the brown eyes of the man he loved.

He couldn't speak, he was staring, praying that he wasn't hallucinating.

" What? How?..." he heard his dad ask in disbelief.

So he wasn't dreaming, everyone else could see Carlos was there too.

His dad was speaking, his confusion evident, "They told me the news and... I just told Tk...you're supposed to be dead…"

"I know." Carlos said, tears falling down his face. "When the explosion happened, I got lucky, there was this storage thing close to me so when I saw what the guy was planning, I jumped in there. I must have passed out or something cuz the next thing i know I came to and I couldn't get out. I started banging on the door and screaming" Carlos explained.

"They finally found me and pried the doors open, once I was out, Mitchell had told me that they had found a second body and assumed it was me and had already made the notification to you…" he continued, looking at Owen, "I tried to get here before you told Tk, I didn't want him to feel this...but i was too late…" He looked back at TK who was still looking at him as if he had seen a ghost.

"You can't be real,'' he whispered, the tears starting to fall again.

"Baby I'm real, I'm here, I'm safe and I'm alive." Carlos took tks hand placing it over his heart.

"You're alive…" Tk whispered more to himself than to anyone.

The two men were clutching at each other when Carlos noticed the wheezing coming from Tk.

"Babe, you ok?" Carlos asked, concerned.

Tk nodded just as the coughing fit overtook him.

"Shit!" Carlos muttered, "Hey, look at me." he said, turning Tk’s face towards his. "Do you have your inhaler?" he asked.

"it’s …in…..my…..locker…." Tk gasped out.

"I’ll go get it!" judd voluntered.

"No, it's ok." Carlos answered, digging into his pocket pulling out a spare inhaler and pressing it to Tks lips. "Deep breath Ty, come on, that's it." he coaxed.

Carlos was so consumed with tending to his lover, he didn't notice the look of complete bewilderment that had echoed across Owen's face.

This man loved his son enough to carry an extra inhaler with him at all times…always prepared to come to his son's aid no matter the inconvenience or cost.

The unnoticed bewilderment slowly morphed into a genuine, heartfelt smile.

After a couple puffs of his medicine and much calming down on Carlos' part, Tk’s breathing was back under control.

"You ok?" Carlos whispered to Tk. A small nod was all the other man could muster.

"Come with me," Tommy said, "I'll look you over."

Tk clamped his hands around Carlos, refusing to let go.

"It’s ok Ty, I’ll be right here." Carlos reassured him.

Nodding, Tk let Judd help him to his feet and down the stairs.

Turning to Owen, Carlos took a deep breath but before he could say anything, he was startled by the older man wrapping him in a bone crushing hug.

"I’m so glad you're ok, son." Owen said, releasing Carlos.

"Me too," he replied, "I just wish I could have gotten here sooner...Look Owen, I know he still has a few hours left on his shift but I need to take Tk home. I just...need to hold him…" he said.

"It’s perfectly fine, Carlos. I don't think Tk’s gonna let you out of his sight for a while anyway. " Owen answered.

Carlos approached the back of the ambulance where Tk was sitting.

"Everything checked out,'' he asked, looking at tommy.

"Yep he’s good to go,'' she replied. "You know you really should let me take a look at you,'' she said, pointing to the cuts littering carlos’ face.

"I’m ok, I just really need my guy." He said, a small blush rising on his cheeks.

The two men were so lost in each other's eyes they didn't notice Tommy slip away.

Tk stood up taking Carlos by the hand, "Before we go," Tk said, "you're getting a shower."

Carlos didn't object as they made their way to the showers. Standing under the warm spray, Tk rested his hands on Carlos’ chest and said, "I thought I lost you today. I was so scared…"

"I’m so sorry, baby." Carlos replied looking into Tks eyes.

Without warning Tk surged forward capturing Carlos’ mouth in a searing kiss, their arms wrapped around each other so tight there was no space between them. Carlos pushed Tk back into the wall never once losing the connection. Tk let out a small whimper when Carlos pulled back panting for air.

"I told you Ty, I'll always fight to come home to you."

Tk smiled as he kissed Carlos again, relishing in the fact that his love was safe here in his arms and his world was whole again.

[221bsunsettowers]

Carlos/TK: Fill Up Your Lungs

Written for @carlosreyesweek​ Day 5, “Just, hold on.” + hurt/comfort, 

and @badthingshappenbingo​ Ambulance Ride.

Thank you to @officereyes​ for picking Ambulance Ride and Carlos as the one getting whumped, and @meloingly​ for giving me the idea of how Carlos ends up in the back of that ambulance.

The focus is on Carlos, and TK/Carlos, but Marjan, Judd, Paul, Mateo, and Owen make a very crucial appearance in the end :)

Can also be read on Ao3

Title: Fill Up Your Lungs

Fandom: 9-1-1 Lone Star

Pairing: Carlos/TK (Tarlos)

Prompts: Ambulance Ride, and “Just, hold on.” + hurt/comfort

Summary: There's a flash, and a hiss, and suddenly the room is filled with a gas that feels thick enough to be a smog, and it's winding its way through Carlos' lips and twisting down his throat and latching into his lungs.

Somehow at some point Carlos finds himself in the back of an ambulance, flying through the streets, and TK is above him, and even though Carlos can't see him right now through his tear-filled eyes, he has every feature memorized.

Carlos feels the world turn upside down.

One minute, he's throwing a wink at TK as they both pull into the same scene, TK grinning back at him, and the next the fire is growing on one side of the building and the suspect is screaming obscenities on the other, and there's no time for anything but the job in that next moment.

One suspect should be an easy takedown, but it's always better to be safe than sorry, especially when they don't know what he used to start the fire or why he decided arson was the answer.

Carlos is in the lead position when they find out the answer.

There's a flash, and a hiss, and suddenly the room is filled with a gas that feels thick enough to be a smog, and it's winding its way through Carlos' lips and twisting down his throat and latching into his lungs. His knees give out and he collapses to the floor, tries to roll over and crawl his way out under the smoke, but his limbs won't cooperate and he's stuck staring at the ceiling, trying to hold TK's smile in his mind so that's the last thing he sees no matter what, not the smoke and the chipping concrete ceiling.

An oxygen mask is suddenly clasped on to his face, strong arms scoop him up and clutch him close as he is carried out of the building and gently placed on a gurney. He knows those arms, and he knows the face hovering right above him, knows TK's face better than his own even with his sight blurred by stinging tears.

The burning eyes are the gateway, the real pain comes right after, head pounding and stomach seizing and worst of all chest contracting desperately in on itself but no breath reaching his lungs. Carlos is terrified to find his limbs still won't listen to his fogged brain, but now his arms and legs are spasming and flailing, and the oxygen mask goes flying off which is fine because it wasn't doing any good anyway.

Somehow at some point Carlos finds himself in the back of an ambulance, flying through the streets, and TK is above him, and even though Carlos can't see him right now through his tear-filled eyes, he has every feature memorized.

***

If it wasn't for his dad, TK would have run straight to Carlos with an oxygen mask for him, but none for himself. TK felt like he hadn't been able to breathe anyway since he saw the gas oozing from the window frames.

But Owen had grabbed his shoulder, refused to let TK pull away, and strapped a mask and tank on his son before letting him go.

That was the last thing TK had been actively able to do for the love of his life.

Now he finds himself in the back of an ambulance, and all he sees is Carlos in pain, trying to curl in on himself, fighting for every breath, and TK is trying so hard to be brave and calm but he can't be when he sees his boyfriend like this, hurting and so scared, and nothing TK can do to help. Anything medical is out of his hands right now, he's too personally invested to be allowed near any equipment, and so he focuses everything he has on Carlos.

"He can't breathe on his own, we need to intubate him!" one of the paramedics calls out, and Carlos' eyes get even wider, and he is wheezing, trembling, chest heaving, absolutely terrified, and TK is crying as he takes Carlos' hands in his own and massages them between his fingertips.

"It's okay, baby, I'm right here, you're going to be fine," TK says, knowing his voice is shaking all over the place, but he can see the way Carlos' muscles relax just that tiny fraction while TK is talking, and he vows he'll talk forever and ever if that's what Carlos needs. "They need to intubate you, sweetheart, I know that sounds scary, but it'll help you breathe, so just keep holding on to my hands, squeeze them as hard as you need. Just, hold on. I've got you, baby, just hold on."

And true to his word, TK doesn't let go, not even when Carlos passes out.

*** When Carlos wakes up, he can see every tear stain on TK's face, and he can see the relieved grin TK immediately gives him too. "Hey baby," TK says softly, standing up from his chair next to Carlos' hospital bed to give him a gentle kiss, still clutching on to Carlos' hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly good," Carlos responds, wincing at how raspy his voice sounds, and TK immediately has a cup of water and a straw ready. "I thought..." Carlos looks into TK's red-rimmed eyes and his words trail off.

"Yeah, me too," TK answers shakily, running his free hand through his already-disheleved hair. "Me too, sweetheart."

"C'mere, Ty, please." Carlos is already carefully sliding his body over, TK knowing exactly how to fit onto the bed without bumping into the IV line. At home, Carlos is almost always the big spoon, curling his body around T.K. and the outside world, his hand resting right over his boyfriend's heart. But here, now, TK leans against the pillows and rests Carlos back against his chest, pressing kisses into his curls as he wraps him in his arms.

"The doctor said there won't be any lasting effects, since they knew the name of the toxin so quickly," TK assures Carlos, interlacing their fingers over Carlos' heart. "It felt like a miracle, Los, it really did. I thought..."

"Hey, you kept me here," Carlos says softly, gently, turning his head to lay a kiss on the corner of TK's mouth. "I didn't let go."

"Don't think I've ever been called a miracle before, but I'll take it." Judd's drawl sounds from the doorway. Carlos can see that TK is smiling as Judd steps into the room, followed immediately by Owen, Marjan, Paul, and Mateo, sporting matching highly pleased grins across their faces.

"It's good to see you without all the tubes, Carlos," Owen says kindly, and his gentle squeezing of Carlos' shoulder is repeated by the rest of the newly arrived firefighters, all of whom stay close to the bed.

"They're the ones who got the name of the toxin before you and I even made it to the hospital," TK tells Carlos, who stares up at them in astonishment. "As soon as the doctors had that, they were able to start you on a system to flush the toxin out. You were breathing on your own again before I'd had a chance to pace a new hole in the waiting room floor."

"Turns out it doesn't take much courage to be a low-grade mad gasser with some matches," Paul says smugly, flashing Carlos a grin. "We barely got to cross our arms and glare, didn't even get to say anything scary before he was spilling all the details."

"I was all for throwing him back in the fire," Marjan says with a shrug, eyes twinkling, and Carlos laughs, TK's smile growing broader at the happy sound.

"But the fire was already out," Mateo says, tone full of confusion, and Marjan good-naturedly rolls her eyes, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"I could have started another fire, Probie," she says with a grin, and everyone in the room is laughing now.

"Thank you guys, so much," Carlos says softly, unable to tamp down the grateful tears wobbling in every word.

"That's what family's for," Owen promises with a smile, and Carlos nods, smiles back, leans into TK's loving arms, and knows with all his heart how lucky he is to have so many hands ready to catch him when he falls.

@bikingthroughhawkins @officereyes @i-had-bucky @highqualitykhakis @meloingly (let me know if you want me to add you to my Tarlos tag!

[lonestarbabe]

In the Night

The gravity of what might’ve happened to Owen catches up with TK. (AO3)

T.K. doesn’t know when things when wrong— when the relief of saving his father and getting home from San Angelo turned into a deep, unshakeable fear, but it wasn’t until he’d gotten back to Austin and was tucked next to Carlos in bed that his feelings settled after being shaken for days. Carlos has gone to sleep, and the minute T.K. felt Carlos’ breathing even out, negative feelings began to emerge like they were sinking from the air above and falling into his consciousness with a thud. He rolls away from Carlos, suddenly feeling hot and tight-chested. He thinks of smoke in the air and his dad lost somewhere in it, and he can’t get the thought off his mind that somewhere in that smoke there was a disaster waiting to happen. His lungs are encumbered by the pollution of late-night thought.

He can't stay in bed any longer, so he drags his feet over the side and creeps out of bed, trying to be as lightfooted as a man of his size can be. He thinks he's pretty good at it. He's had lots of practice from his teenage years when he never stayed home for too long, but T.K.'s parents didn't want to notice. They didn't want to admit that something was seriously wrong with their son. Carlos is harder for T.K. to fool, which can be both a blessing and a curse. He creeps out of the room and closes the door behind him, and heads down the steps. They creak under his feet because stairs always seem to scream your secrets loudest when you want them to stay quiet.

T.K.'s eyes are heavy with the want of sleep, so he boils water and pours in instant coffee beads that Carlos keeps for when he makes coffee ice cream. The instant coffee is harsh and unnuanced, but it does the trick without all the fuss. The warmth of the coffee eases some of the coldness in his body, but it only makes his thoughts faster and more frantic. Maybe that's what he needs— to rush all these fears out of his body so that they'll leave him alone.

With the hot drink in his hand, T.K. sits in his favorite chair, and it's the one that he and Carlos always fight over— black leather with button tufts. It doesn't look that comfortable, but it's oddly just the right shape and size for T.K.'s body. It's sleek, but the more T.K. sits in it, the cozier it feels.

He wants all his thoughts to go away, but they've chased him to a corner, and now, there's no escaping them. They're noisy and they fight one another because the unsettled feeling that T.K. grew up knowing means that frantic is his natural state and he needs unnatural means to numb all the problems he's never learned to deal with. He thinks of his dad, and a lump forms in his throat as he thinks about how many times they've come close to death only to escape it by sheer luck.

The thoughts are floating around T.K.'s head like leaves in the wind when T.K. feels a weight over his shoulder, and the leaves drop from where they were hanging. He looks up to see Carlos leaning over from behind the chair. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Carlos asks, his voice a warm, breathy whisper, and the vibrations counteract the unsteadiness T.K. feels. “Are you hurt?”

T.K. takes one of the arms draped around him, and lets his hand fall into Carlos'. He pulls Carlos to the front of the chair so they're looking face to face. "I’m okay, babe," T.K. promises. "I just couldn't sleep."

"Is that coffee?" Carlos asks, sitting on the tiny ottoman that he's pulled close so that it’s almost touching the chair. He doesn't even joke that T.K.'s in his chair. He takes the cup from T.K.'s hand, and for a second, T.K. thinks Carlos is going to drink it, but he reaches over to put it on the coffee table instead.

"Instant, so it sucks."

Carlos scrunches his nose. "You'll never get to sleep with that sludge in your system."

T.K.winds his hand around the back of Carlos’ neck, pulling himself towards the edge of the chair so he's closer to Carlos. “You should be in bed. You have work tomorrow.” The last thing T.K. wants is for Carlos to go to work tired. If something happened, he’d always wonder if it was because Carlos hadn’t gotten enough sleep and it was his fault.

“I worried when I woke up with a blanket still on," Carlos rubs a hand over T.K.'s back where the muscles are most taut.

T.K. laughs. “I bet you didn’t miss that when I was gone.”

“Eh, I get too hot, anyway.”

“Oh, yeah, I know. You're Carlos Reyes, the hottest man alive.”

There's a glimmer in Carlos' eyes somewhere past the disquiet. “Stroking my ego won’t get you out of a conversation, T.K.”

“You can’t fault me for trying," T.K. says. "I’m not even sure I know what’s wrong. Nothing should be wrong. Everything turned out okay. I was fine."

"But now you're drinking instant coffee when you could be stealing all my blankets."

T.K. doesn't even keep the blanket on half the time; he throws it off both of them and onto the floor. "That's temperature control, baby. We've been over this. I've got to keep you from overheating."

"I have a thermostat for that."

"A man and his modern inventions.""I'm sure there's a reason you're not in bed?"

" I couldn't sleep. I thought a change of scenery would help. It doesn't help."

"Want to talk about it?" He does want to talk about it, but the words are still abstract and muddled in his head, and he doesn't know how to share them.

T.K. shrugs, 'I don't know if it will help. My brain is being dumb."

Carlos takes T.K.'s hands in his. "It can't hurt to try."

Carlos has a way of pushing the truth out of T.K. in a way that's firm and gentle all at once, but T.K. isn’t sure that he can say the words, not when he fears them so much. “Every time something bad happens, coming out of it is defying the odds.” T.K. swallows. "We can't keep defying the odds. We can't keep getting lucky."

"I don't know much about odds, but I wouldn't call what you're doing getting lucky. You're getting unlucky and then finding your way out of it. Bad things happen, but it's your willingness to go to the extreme for other people that keeps you all surviving."

 “He could have died,” T.K.'s voice is small.

 Carlos pulls T.K. closer, and T.K.'s just barely in the chair and is half on the ottoman in the space between Carlos' legs. "But he's okay now," Carlos reminds T.K.

"One day he won't be." It's not something Carlos can deny because that's how life works. One day people aren't okay. They're gone too quickly. "People keep dying," and he's falling into existential territory that makes him feel even more hopeless, "and they're just going to keep dying." He puts his head on Carlos' shoulder so he's looking down at the floor. "I don't want to live like that with the constant fear that my whole life is going to be flipped on its head in just one moment. That everything that means anything to me will be taken."

"I know, it sucks," and T.K.'s relieved that Carlos doesn't try to tell him that it will be okay. He doesn't make T.K. feel stupid for being afraid. "I'm scared too. Every time you're putting yourself in danger, I wonder if you won't get out. Even when you aren't in danger, I still worry sometimes because shit happens, and it doesn’t' make sense. It just happens."

"How do you sleep knowing that? How do you push those thoughts aside and enjoy life?" T.K. knows there's no easy answer to that question. There will always be times when he feels that same frantic, claustrophobic feeling.

"I don't know," Carlos answers, pressing his lips against T.K.'s temple. "I guess you just take comfort in the things you do have, including the memories of what you don't have anymore."

T.K. gives a tense laugh. "That easy, huh?" T.K. knows he'll feel better in a few days. When he's processed everything that had happened, but until that happens, he holds Carlos close, and he lets Carlos pull him back to bed because Carlos needs his rest. T.K.'s thoughts keep him up for a while longer, but they don't have the same potency the longer they linger. He knows that if he can close his eyes just long enough that the tiredness and sadness will take over. He'll fall asleep and he'll wake up feeling better because mornings always felt a little better after a sad, scary night. T.K. listens to Carlos' evened-out breathing, and he matches his own breathing to his lover's. He feels himself calm, and eventually, he drifts off to sleep, even with the worries and instant coffee still in his system.

[bellakitse]

Friendships, Proposals and Tabitha the Cat

Nancy waits until it’s firmly locked before she turns to Carlos. “Dude,” she says, putting a hard emphasis on the word. “Give that man his ring already.”

+

Nancy’s friendship with Carlos and TK grows when she stays with them while her place is rebuilt – she helps Carlos work up the nerve to propose to TK.

Written for @911lonestarweek - Day 3: Found Family/“We’ve got your back, no matter what.”

Following ‘Making friends in Life or Death situations’

Nancy Gillian wakes up the same way she has for the last four weeks – in Carlos and TK’s guest bedroom with her cat Tabitha scratching at the door because she can hear TK moving around the house, and she wants to leave Nancy to go find him. Her cat is in love with TK, because of course she is.

“If you love him so much, why don’t you sleep with him?” she questions her cat, still half-asleep and annoyed to be woken up so early on her day off. “Instead, you sleep with your butt in my face and then leave me for that pretty boy before 7 a.m.”

Tabitha meows at her in response, looking so unimpressed and impatient all at once it’s almost impressive.

“Not sure what you’re going to do when our apartment is repaired,” she continues, easily ignoring the stink face as she opens the door, letting Tabitha out. “There you go, brat, go to your equally annoying other half.”

Tabitha meows at her once more, the sound coming out vaguely threatening. Nancy shrugs, used to it by now. She looks back at the bed and contemplates diving back under the covers, but as she checks the time to see it’s close to 8 a.m., she thinks better of it. She’s not the only one off-shift in the house today, and if there is one thing she has learned since temporarily moving in with Carlos and TK while contractors work on building back up her tornado-destroyed condo. It’s that when Carlos is off from work, he turns into a gourmet chef who makes the most delicious breakfasts she’s ever tasted in her life.

She heads for the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash up before heading downstairs, following the sound of voices and pots clanking.

“Good morning,” she calls out, still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes even after her shower.

Carlos looks up from where he’s cracking eggs to greet her with a smile. “Morning, Nance, there’s coffee,” he points with a tilt of his head towards the coffee machine.

Nancy smiles gratefully and passes TK, who is sitting on one of the counters, holding Tabitha up to his face as he gives her kisses.

“You’ve stolen my cat’s affections, Strand,” she says, rubbing the top of his head in greeting.

“She’s our cat now,” TK corrects her, childishly sticking his tongue out at her. Nancy returns the gesture, always seeming to revert back to a school-grader around her friend and partner.

“Children, behave,” Carlos chides them, sighing tiredly when they give him twin grins.

She steps up next to him, bumping her shoulder against his, getting a fond smile back from the cop and an arm thrown over her shoulders as he hugs her to his side. Since the tornado and subsequently the start of their friendship just a month ago, she and Carlos have bonded to the point that she now considers him something like a brother.

She feels blessed that he seems to feel the same way.

TK had said as much when they’d discovered she was temporarily homeless, offering their home to her without a second thought as she stood in Carlos’ hospital room. She had initially felt awkward about invading their home, used to handling her problems on her own. TK had, in turn, scoffed at her, telling her she was already family to him, but after saving Carlos’ life, as far as he was concerned, she was now their sister. Carlos had nodded in agreement from his bed, and when it made her cry in response, not really used to having people caring for her like that since Tim died, TK had pulled her into a tight hug, thanking her once more for taking care of Carlos and assuring her they were there for her. ‘We’ve got your back, no matter what.’

“So what’s on the menu this morning, Chef Reyes,” she asks, coming back from her thoughts to peek at the stove.

“Shakshuka, sweet potato hash and for something sweet strawberries and cream pancake muffins and fruit,” Carlos rattles off quickly, like it’s an effortless breakfast and not a menu she would find at some fancy restaurant for brunch. “What?” he questions when she looks at him in amazement.

She turns towards TK when he lets out a laugh to find a look of understanding on his face. “Can you believe this guy?” she questions, getting another longer, louder chuckle from her partner.

“I really can’t sometimes,” he answers her while looking at Carlos with heart eyes. “He’s just too good to be true,” he continues, turning towards Tabitha when she licks his face. “Isn’t he Tabi? Isn’t Carlos just perfect?”

Tabitha meows at TK’s baby voice, budding her head against his.

“See, she agrees,” TK beams in their direction. “She’s so smart.”

Nancy rolls her eyes, finally pouring herself that cup of coffee. “She just likes the sound of your voice; she doesn’t really understand.”

“Yes, she does. Watch,” TK argues. “Tabitha Gillian, listen to me. Is Carlos the most amazing guy in the world?”

Nancy looks from TK to Carlos, smirking as she sees the beginnings of a blush work its way up his neck.

Tabitha meows at TK, causing him to grin.

“Do we love him more than anything, even more than catnip?” he continues to ask earnestly, though Nancy can see the glint of mischievousness in his eyes that tells her he’s messing with Carlos because he likes it when his boyfriend goes bashful.

Tabitha, either because she really does understand TK or because she’s an agent of chaos, makes another noise.

“That’s why I’m going to marry him, and you’re going to be our ring bearer,” TK says to her, going in for the kill. He starts to kiss Tabitha all over her little orange head, not even getting his eyes scratched out because he’s a lucky bastard, not noticing the way Carlos has frozen over their breakfast.

His wide eyes find hers, and she raises an amused eyebrow at him as she takes a sip of her coffee, letting him know without words she remembers his ring comment from the day of the tornados, smirking when he scowls at her.

He clears his throat, giving TK a loving smile when he looks up from his lovefest with her cat. “Breakfast is ready, baby,” he tells him, already moving towards the dining room table with two plates, placing them for her and TK before getting his own.

They don’t talk much as they eat; she and TK are too busy making appreciative noises to speak, and Carlos looks at them fondly while they do.

TK finishes before them, getting up from the table in a rush. “Okay, that was delicious, but I gotta go,” he says as he gathers his plate. “Dad has his eight-month post-surgery appointment, and I told him I would meet him at the doctor’s office,” he reminds them. “I won’t be back until the evening. We’re spending the day together for some father-son bonding afterwards.”

He goes around the table to Carlos, taking his face in his hands as he leans in to kiss him. “Thank you for breakfast, babe,” he whispers with a smile against Carlos’ mouth. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Carlos answers, giving him another sweet kiss of his own. Nancy smiles at the display. They have always been an affectionate couple, but seeing TK and Carlos in the privacy of their home has truly shown her just how deeply they love each other.

TK comes around the table to her, giving her a kiss on the top of her head before leaning down to scratch Tabitha’s ears. “You three be good,” he warns them with a teasing smile as he heads for the door.

Nancy waits until it’s firmly locked before she turns to Carlos. “Dude,” she says, putting a hard emphasis on the word. “Give that man his ring already.”

“Nance – “ Carlos starts, already sighing.

“He’s practically screaming, ‘propose to me!’, Carlos,” she continues, ignoring him. “I’m pretty sure he’s ready to hire a skywriter at this point if you don’t take the hint.”

“I can’t just propose, chica,” Carlos answers back tiredly, running a hand through his hair. “It needs to be perfect. TK deserves perfect.”

Nancy rolls her eyes so hard, she thinks she might strain something. “TK is madly in love with you. You could literally propose while on the toilet, and he would still think it’s perfect.”

She snorts when Carlos wrinkles his nose at her in disgust. Drinking the last of her coffee, she waits quietly as he thinks, finally raising an eyebrow at him when he opens his mouth to speak.

“What if he says no?” he asks her quietly, and Nancy feels a spark of empathy for her friend, but mostly she feels annoyed at his ridiculous question.

“You’re not injured anymore,” she starts dryly, rolling her eyes at him again when he gives her a confused look. “I can and will hit you across the head for being stupid.”

Carlos gives her a dry look of his own, though his lips twitch with the hint of a smile. “You’re so nice; remind me why we’re friends again?”

“Because I saved your life,” she answers matter of fact, smiling when it makes Carlos laugh. “And me being nice wasn’t part of the deal, dude.”

Carlos shakes his head at her, smiling reluctantly. “Well, do you think you can try to be nice for the afternoon and help me plan my proposal?”

“Oh my god, I didn’t really think this talk would work,” she blurts out, her eyes widening with excitement. “Yes! Of course, yes!”

Carlos laughs again, giving her a fond look that she returns. “Okay, then. Let’s do this.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK comes back home after the sun has set. He blinks at her in surprise when she opens the door for him, having heard his car pull up.

“Hey, Nancy,” he says with a smile, his face clear and glowing. He chuckles as she gives him a curious look. “Father-son bonding turned out to be facials,” he explains with a shrug. “You know my dad and skincare.”

Nancy smiles at him, nodding.

“Where is Carlos?” he asks, looking around the living room, and Nancy can’t help herself as she wraps her arms around him, giving him a tight hug.

“I love you both,” she whispers into his ear. “And I’m so glad we’re friends.”

TK returns the hug before pulling back to look at her with a bemused expression on his face. “We love you too, girl.”

“I know,” she answers, feeling her heart warm for her friends and what she knows is about to happen. “Carlos is waiting for you in the backyard.”

“Oh, okay,” TK says, smiling, starting to walk towards the back door, stopping when he sees she isn’t following him. “You’re not coming?”

She shakes her head at him. “This is just for the two of you, honey, but for the record, I’m really happy for you.”

TK gives her another curious look before he continues to make his way to the back while Nancy goes to sit on the couch. She smiles when she hears TK gasp as he opens the door to find the yard covered in twinkly white lights. Her smile only grows as he looks back at her with wide eyes.

“I’ll be here,” she calls out to him, waving him forward.

She pulls out her phone, scrolling through her messages, smiling softly when she finds one from her contractor letting her know her place should be ready in another week.

Tabitha meows at her from the stairs, and she pats the space next to her on the couch, cooing at her baby when she comes to rest beside her.

“You’re going to be a ring bearer,” she tells her cat as she hears TK shout out a ‘yes!’ from the backyard. “Won’t that be fun, Tabitha?”

[tarlosprompts]

Can I prompt a Judd helping calm Tk down after a rough call, and just having that brotherly fluff vibe?

Days Like These

Claimed by Red💋

Paramedic TK, Firefighter Carlos

Warnings: cursing, violence, minor character death, trauma, bombs, blood, past addiction, mention of guns, anxiety, beginnings of a panic attack

Notes: Let me know if I missed any warnings! (I think I got them all). Sorry for this taking so long and sorry if it’s not what you wanted. If you want me to rewrite it, just let me know!

Most days, TK loved walking into work. Being a paramedic made him happier than he’d been in a while. Being pushed by his father to take the exam was his best decision. Sure, he enjoyed the Adrenalin of the fires, but he had always wanted to help others more than just handing them off the medics. Now, he got the best of both worlds. If his dad needed his help on a fire, he would help but he also got to treat others. It was a win win for not only TK, but his father and the medics. 

TK tended to spend more time with the paramedics than the firemen on calls, so his father had to take on another firefighter. That’s how TK met the most beautiful man in the world...Carlos Reyes. Carlos transferred in and, had TK not been reeling from Alex, TK would have asked the man out. Sadly, TK was apprehensive about starting another relationship, though that didn’t mean that TK didn’t take time to admire the lovely view Carlos Reyes gave. 

Something about Reyes drew TK in. They became good friends and amazing partners when needed. Carlos knew an awful lot about treating patients meaning that he could help out when the medics were swamped and TK would be paired with Carlos when Owen needed his help on calls. Through that, they became best friends. They shared everything with one another...well, almost everything. TK most definitely wasn’t going to tell the man of his Texas sized crush on him...nor was he going to mention his past drug addiction...how would he even bring that up? Just as they’re talking about their last call, ‘yeah, by the way, I have a drug problem and I overdosed before the move down here.’ That was absolutely not happening.

TK was roused from his thoughts as the ambulance stopped. He followed Michelle and Gillian out of the vehicle, turning around in confusion. “Are we sure this is the right place,” he asked. 

“This is what dispatch said. Gillain, call them and ask again,” Michelle stated. Gillian stopped walking, holding the radio between her  hands as she spoke. 

As TK and Michelle moved farther towards the abandoned warehouse, something felt off. “Michelle, we should wait in the ambo. This doesn’t feel right,” TK whispered. 

“We still need to check it out, make sure that no one needs help.”

Gillian caught up, voice shaking slightly, “I can’t contact dispatch.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean no one is answering. I even tried calling, but we’re out of range. I have no signal.”

“‘Chelle, we should-”

Three red dots focused on the three paramedics’ chests. “Don’t move and you won’t be shot.”

_____________

TK was having a hard time reframing his situation. His therapist had suggested the idea of changing the way he looked at a situation in order to find the silver lining...he really couldn’t find the silver lining in having a bomb strapped to his chest. Nor could he find the silver lining in not being to help Gillian as she bled out in front of him. He couldn’t find the silver lining in not being able to help Michelle as the last of the bomb vest was strapped into place. 

Being ushered towards the ambulance sent another wave of panic over him. They were probably going to transport them somewhere more public to have them take out more people. They wanted to make a statement. TK could feel himself shaking as the ambulance started moving. He could only watch as Michelle tried to check on Gillian before her head was thrown to the side by the butt of a gun one of the men held. 

It wasn’t long before the ambulance stopped and the doors opened. Gillian was unceremoniously pulled from the ambulance and thrown to the ground, pulling shouts from bystanders. TK and Michelle were roughly pushed out of the ambulance and pulled into a building. It took a couple of minutes to realize they were at the dispatch center. While TK wasn’t one to hope for bad will on specific people, he certainly hoped Grace wasn’t working and that the men who were forcing their way through the center would suffer the most painful of deaths. 

The gunshots shocked TK. It brought him back to the day he used the battering ram to get to a cardiac failure and a little boy pulled the trigger, hitting him. He flinched as the gunshots went off. He was placed directly across from Michelle, in the center of the dispatch hub. “Here’s how this is going to go,” the head of the group called. “Everyone does as I say, everyone goes home...even these two lovely paramedics. Anyone tries to be the hero...well, we’ll see if someone pulls the trigger faster than I press the button on one of these paramedic’s vests.”

The room was silent as they watched the man in the center of the room. “You, you, and you,” he called out, pointing to a couple of dispatchers, “on the phones. Follow what the three men behind you say and everyone stays alive.”

Hours passed and TK could do nothing but watch as the group got more anxious. Whatever they were planning wasn’t going to plan and that was going to end up in someone getting hurt. The head man cursed before walking towards TK, “you’re coming with me. Seems like your friends came looking for you,” he growled. 

TK dug his feet into the ground. There was no way in hell he was going to let this man take him out for his father to see him strapped to a suicide vest. The punch that slammed his head to the right, split his lip and had him stumbling. He was practically dragged out of the dispatch center. The light assaulted his eyes and it took him a minute to adjust. 

When his eyes adjusted, TK grimaced. His crew was there along with multiple APD members and front and center was his dad. Shit.

TK wanted to be anywhere but there in the moment. He wished that the men’s plan had all worked out and they had left...though if he was being honest, he knew that once their plan concluded, they would have killed all of them anyway. He’d heard them talking about ‘no witnesses’ and what not earlier. He paid no attention to the man talking to the officers and firemen standing around. He didn’t want to look at his father and crew, didn’t want to be in this situation at all. 

“...and if I don’t get what I want or if anyone tries to breach the building, Pretty Boy and his friend are going to blow up the dispatch center,” the man called. 

“You don’t actually think that they’re going to listen to you, do you,” TK heard himself ask. He’d always had a big mouth, didn’t really like bullies. “You’re all the same. You think you’ll place some demands and maybe some of them get met, but really you’re just buying yourself time. They know you’re buying time and are preparing to move in. No one believes that once you’re done with your plan that you’ll let any of us live. You probably already plan to set these vests off once you’re through with whatever it is you’re doing.” TK expected the backlash. He definitely knew how to piss people off. 

He could hear yelling from multiple people. He couldn’t make out the words as he was pulled back into the center. He was shoved to the floor in the middle of the dispatch work floor. His head bounced off the tile and TK barely bit back a groan of displeasure. Hands found his neck and TK jerked to try to move them. “You think you’re so smart? Before they even know what hit them, they’ll be going up in smoke because of you and your partner. You think that by talking like that, you gave them some insight to our plan? Because of you, we had more time to finish what needed to be done!”

TK coughed as the man let his throat go. “I think you’re bluffing,” TK gasped. 

Michelle made a noise of protest as the man rounded and hit TK’s face. “You’re lucky I need you alive to keep your crew out from here. I hear that you’re that Captain’s son. He won’t let you come to any harm.”

_____________

It feels like forever before there’s more movement in the center. The men were wrapping up their plan. TK met Michelle’s eyes, they both nodded. They weren’t going down without a fight. Before they could get up, four doors busted open and flash bombs were going off.

TK covered his ears, eyes shutting to protect him from the bright flashes. Everything was muffled sounding. Opening his eyes and uncovering his ears, TK had to blink multiple times before he could make out what was going on in the room. S.W.A.T. had taken out the men and were escorting them out. The leader of the team was making his way towards Michelle and TK. 

“I’m Captain Pack, I need you both to stay still while the bomb squad gets in here to get these vests off of you.”

TK nodded, his ears picking up a scuffle near one of the entrances, “that’s my son in there! Let me see my son!” 

TK licked his lips. “Can you tell my dad that I’m fine? Tell him to let the bomb squad do their job and I’ll be out in a bit?”

“You’ve got it, Strand.”

_____________

TK hated hospitals. They reminded him of when he overdosed, having woken up in a hospital room with his dad crying and telling him that it was going to be okay. TK hated hospitals. He would tell the hospitals that he didn’t want narcotics when he was hurt and the workers would just give him looks like they could judge someone they don’t even know. TK fucking hated hospitals. 

After the bomb squad had gotten rid of the vests, another team of paramedics had checked them out. He had seen his crew in the background as he had been loaded into an ambulance. He knew it was only a matter of time before they showed up. He was allowed to head home and had already texted his dad to let him know. 

A soft knock on the door frame brought TK’s attention to it. Judd stood in the doorway , arms crossed, an unreadable look on his face. “Owen wanted to come get you, but we got a call out right after your text. Seemed like a big one. I offered to come get ya.”

TK nodded, slowly getting off the bed and grabbing his uniform shirt. It was silent as they walked to Judd’s truck. Gingerly, TK pulled himself into the truck and Judd shut the door behind him. TK knew that Judd wanted to talk as the man started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. TK, on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to be dropped at home so that he could burrow under the covers of his bed and never come out again.

“You had a shit day,” Judd stated as he pulled up to a red light. 

Not expecting the remark, a laugh bumbled out of TK’s mouth. “No shit,” he responded. 

“Reyes was really worried about you.” Before TK could respond, Judd continued. “We all were. We knew Michelle would be fine, but you have a tendency to get yourself hurt and generally run your mouth off at people. And, let’s be honest, even when you’re not actively trying to piss someone off, you tend to get hurt anyway.”

TK glanced at Judd as he rolled forward as the light turned green. He could see the set in Judd’s jaw which told him how Judd was trying to keep his emotions in check. “To be fair, I don’t look for trouble...I just sometimes invoke the wrath of the trouble that has found me.”

A small chuckle passed Judd’s lips. “That’s a nice way of saying that you couldn’t shut your big mouth long enough to get out of there without your pretty face getting bruised and cut up.”

TK rolled his eyes, “it was like I couldn’t stop myself. He always turned so red when I talked back to him. I think part of me wanted to see how red I could get him, if he’d turn purple or something.” TK could feel the heaviness that had been on his chest starting to lift as he and Judd fell into their regular banter for the rest of the ride home. By the time they reached his house, TK didn’t feel jittery.

Spotting a familiar Camero in the driveway, TK felt a small smile grace his face. “Looks like Lover Boy wants to make sure you’re alright for himself,” Judd smirked. 

TK could feel his face heat up. “We’re friends, Judd. Just like you and me. You wanted to make sure I was alright and he wants to do the same.”

Parking the truck, Judd turned to him. “We both know that’s some bullshit. I don’t see why you don’t make a move on him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He looked like a kicked puppy today when everything happened. He wanted nothing more than to storm into the dispatch center and get you the hell out of there. That man cares about you, TK. You deserve someone that good, someone who thinks of you as the man who hung the moon.”

TK shook his head. “Carlos doesn’t like me like that, Judd. Why would he? He doesn’t even know how fucked up I am,” he mumbled. 

TK wasn’t expecting the light slap to the back of his head. His eyes shot up to Judd’s, a frown firmly on his face. “You’re not fucked up. You’ve had some fucked up situations in your life that have shaped you into a strong, capable man, TK. Your past addiction doesn’t make you weaker, it makes you so fucking strong. You’re allowed to have reservations, but Carlos is gone for you, Brother. You love him, he loves you...take the chance and jump. He’ll catch you.”

TK studied Judd’s face, seeing nothing but the truth. He wiped his palms on his pants, licking his lips. “I’m blaming you when he laughs in my face.”

Before TK could exit the truck, Judd placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this, TK. Feel better soon, okay? Grace wants to have you over in a few days for dinner.”

TK nodded his head, letting himself out of the truck and waving Judd off. Turning towards his driveway, TK could see Carlos leaning against his vehicle. He walked slowly over to the man, feeling some of the heaviness from before return. He could feel the tears building up behind his eyelids and his throat closing from the stresses of the day. 

As he got closer to Carlos, the man pushed himself off his car. TK didn’t give Carlos time to talk, he just dived in, burying his head in Carlos’ chest and winding his arms around the man’s middle. Immediately Carlos wrapped his arms around TK tightly but not tight enough to hurt the slightly smaller man. That’s when the floodgates opened and TK let himself cry knowing Carlos was going to catch him.

TK doesn’t know how long they stay in their embrace, but he almost instantly feels embarrassed. He backed out of the embrace, motioning towards the house and walking away from the man. Shakily, he unlocks the door, leaving it open for Carlos as he makes his way to the couch. “If you need to talk-”

“I-I don’t want,” TK blew out a breath, “I don’t want to talk...about it...I-there’s nothing to say. We were sent there by chance, we didn’t know it wasn’t an emergency. We were blindsided. We had to make sure there was no one that actually needed our help and even though I told Michelle that it didn’t feel right and we should leave, we had to check. There’s nothing to talk about, okay? They shot-they shot Gillian and wouldn’t let us help her and they strapped bombs to our chest and put us back in our ambulance. They threw Gillian on the street without letting us help her and they took us into the dispatch center and they threatened to use us to kill everyone in the center. They were brutish and I fucking hate bullies so I just had to tell him off like the little twat I am. I know it was stupid, okay?” TK took a shuddering breath in. All the anxiety from the day came rushing back. “And-and he dragged me out there and I saw you guys and I just kept thinking that I couldn’t put my dad through losing his son. I couldn’t make him watch me get blown up but I just kept antagonizing the man because I hated the idea of him. And I just-I kept thinking about you and my dad. I wanted to get back to you both because I love you both so much and the thought of hurting you kills me,” TK was breathing raggedly at this point. He’d just admitted to Carlos that he was in love with him.

Tears fogged TK’s vision as his breathing worsened. Hands were on his face soon after, words muffled in his ears. TK was spiraling. Lips touched his and TK caught his breath, tensing before quickly relaxing at the calm hands stroking his face. As the lips separated from his, he opened his eyes to see Carlos already looking at him. “I hope that was okay. It was the only way I could think to keep you from going into a panic attack. Our first kiss shouldn’t have been that, but I didn’t know what to do and-”

“Carlos,” TK’s voice was soft and ragged. “The only reason that wouldn’t be alright is if you didn’t mean it.”

Carlos rested his forehead against TK’s. “I meant it and so much more, Amore.” 

“Promise?”

“Forever.”

[reyesstrand]

for the tarlos prompts :) 45 & 94? hope you have a good day!

i hope you have a good day too!! thank you for the prompt!! 💗 

feel free to send me a number from this list if you’d like! read on AO3 here! 

They’re probably going to give each other heart attacks, one of these days. 

TK’s never dated a fellow first-responder before Carlos; hell, he’s barely dated anyone with similar life experiences before. Sure, there were a couple boys back in high school that never amounted to anything serious, and then Alex was his entire life for two years after finishing the academy when he was twenty. But Alex worked a desk job, and one day wanted to be a teacher; he worked a nine-to-five, had benefits, and kept to a tight schedule. TK never had to worry when he went to work. Now, the nervousness runs in a two-way street — Carlos worries about TK and TK worries about Carlos, and every night that they get to come home to one another, when their schedules actually line up, the relief washes over them in waves. 

But it’s been rough for the last little while. Not only have their shifts rarely overlapped, but Buttercup had a health scare a few days ago. He was okay, thankfully, the whole team was assured it was just a stomach bug, but it’s been chewing away at the back of TK’s mind ever since. It especially doesn’t help that TK’s standing here now, being forced to just wait while Carlos and his partner are tasked with securing an active shooter scene. 

Fire and EMS had been called in as backup since they were in the area, and while Owen had mostly sent them off to help with crowd control, Paul, TK and Marjan were assisting Tim and Nancy as they checked vitals of witnesses. Several police cruisers were parked in a jagged line to separate on-lookers and the house that apparently had an armed man inside, and TK keeps finding himself glancing at the barrier that’s physically keeping him from his boyfriend, and he hates it. 

He startles when his dad comes up from behind him, after he’s confirmed the stable BP of one of the young girls that lives in the neighbouring house, letting her go off to find her mom. The comforting weight of his father’s hand rests on his shoulder, and TK swallows. “You okay?” 

TK makes a vague sound of affirmation in the back of his throat. He keeps his eyes trained on the house, before glancing over to some of the waiting officers to see if their expressions change as they get updates through their radios. Then it’s back to the house, watching for any movement.

“Look at me, TK,” his dad says, and TK sighs and turns to him. His dad’s eyebrows are furrowed in concern, and TK knows he’s mirroring him exactly. “He’s going to be okay, son.” 

“I know,” TK lies, his voice rough. He tries to clear his throat and drags a hand down his face, trying not to think of all the shit that could be going down inside the house. And of course, that’s when a gunshot rings out, sounding like an echo as it’s muffled by the house. The crowd reacts around him, jerking back in surprise; TK feels his stomach drop to the floor as he stumbles forward, and he makes it three or four steps before Judd grabs him, tall and sturdy enough to only need to block him with one arm against his chest. 

“Let me go,” TK says, voice strained, and Judd just shakes his head. 

“You gotta let them do their jobs, kid,” Judd says, gruff and taking no shit, and TK wants to protest but the logical side of him tells him to stay put with his team; they need to let the trained,  bullet-proof vest-wearing people in. The part of him that knows the love of his life has possibly been shot; the part of him that feels that he could be doing something to help is making it hard to breathe. He has to remind himself of the trick his therapist told him about when he was fifteen; he inhales deeply and holds it in for a long few seconds, concentrating on counting out to eight as he exhales. TK does it three or four more times until he feels grounded once more, and Judd loosens his grip, but he’s still a comforting presence. It happens in time for the house’s front door to open, as a disgruntled looking man steps outside, hands cuffed behind his back. 

And Carlos is the one leading him out. 

TK almost physically slumps to the ground as he watches several other officers walk forward to take the man into custody, guiding him toward one of the squad cars; someone puts a hand on Carlos’ shoulder as he explains what happened, and the sergeant speaking to him jerks her thumb over her shoulder toward Michelle and the ambulance and Carlos is nodding, and TK watches every small movement he makes. He looks unharmed, at least from a distance, and TK finds his feet moving as Carlos stalls in front of his friend, letting Michelle guide him to sitting on the edge of the back of the ambulance. 

TK catches snippets of conversation as he approaches; Michelle telling Carlos to stay put so she can check him over while his boyfriend insists he’s fine. TK tries not to let his worry show on his face, but Carlos knows him well enough to pick up on it the second he sees him. 

“Ty, hey—”

“Are you okay?” TK asks, looking him over with a careful eye. He finds himself starting to ramble, a nervous habit. “Does anything hurt? We heard the gunshot go off, we thought that someone was hit and I—”

Carlos reaches forward, despite Michelle trying to secure a BP cuff around his bicep, and takes TK’s hands in his. “Hey, hey, I’m okay. I swear. Our guy accidentally shot a round into the wall, nobody was injured. Sarge just wants everyone to be checked over.” 

TK feels his eyes burning. It’s comforting to know that it was a false alarm, but how many times will they get lucky? He knows that time isn’t guaranteed, and he’s trying to accept that, but having so many scares himself this last year and dealing with his dad’s ongoing treatment kind of catches up to him all at once, especially staring in his boyfriend’s eyes now. 

His shoulders sag, a bit. He’s vaguely aware of Michelle’s presence as she digs through supplies in the back of her rig, so he says it quietly, as Carlos’ thumb drags over his knuckles. “I can’t—I won’t lose you, too, Carlos.” 

“You’re not going to lose me, Ty,” Carlos whispers, his voice breaking through the fog of TK’s mind. He steps closer because he can’t help it, and he lets go of Carlos’ hands only to frame his boyfriend’s face with them. “You’re not going to lose anyone.”

TK smiles, just a little upturn to the corner of his mouth, swiping his thumb along the sharp jut of Carlos’ jawline for a brief moment before Michelle lightly clears her throat, a twinkle of a knowing gaze in her eyes. 

“Um, sorry, I’ll leave you to it,” TK says, glancing at the paramedic captain quickly before meeting Carlos’ stare again. “I’ll see you tonight?” 

Carlos nods in confirmation, clearly noticing the anxious tremble of his fingers, even as TK slips away to the rest of the 126. 

* * *

Later that evening, after they’ve eaten takeout and started some B-list movie they love as a guilty pleasure, TK finds himself drifting away into his thoughts. He’s in his claimed spot on Carlos’ couch, curled up in the corner with one leg draped over Carlos’ lap, his boyfriend absentmindedly tapping against his knee. 

“I’m sorry for earlier,” TK says, pulling Carlos’ eyes away from the screen. They settle, so open and earnest, on him, and TK’s stomach swoops. “I kinda freaked out.” 

“I would’ve been doing the same had everything been reversed,” Carlos shrugs a little, but his jaw tenses. “I don’t want you to worry about me, Ty. I know it’s inevitable, but I hate the thought of you getting worked up over worst-case scenarios.” 

TK chews down hard on his bottom lip. “It’s pretty hard to say that when I know you worry about me.”

“Hey, I’m not denying that. I think this is something we’re just going to have to work through, baby,” Carlos says, squeezing his knee. “It’s just...I can’t imagine this world without you. Plain and simple. So we just have to talk and be open with each other because I love you, TK, and I hate to see you upset.”

“I love you too,” TK replies quickly, knowing that’s the truth deep to his bones. Nothing will stop him from loving Carlos, not when he held himself back for so long. “I’m not giving up on this, honey.” 

Carlos grins at him, that private one reserved just for him, and TK moves closer to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, always longing for his touch. He presses his mouth to Carlos’ throat as he feels strong arms wrap around him, holding him tight and TK feels the unspoken promise passing between them, one that says that neither of them plan on ever letting go. 

[llnwritings]

Square Filled: Near-Death Experience Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star Title: Moments Between Summary: TK only broke eye contact when the pain hit, hot, searing pain ripped through his chest. He looked down, he could see his dark coloured shirt turning even darker, as his blood oozed out of a bullet hole. TK let out a pained gasp as he felt his body begin to fall backward, his feet slipping from beneath him, unable to hold his own weight.  [ Read on Ao3 ] 

 "3, 2, 1" TK swung the battering ram back and forth between each count, before finally hitting it against the door. The door flew backwards and hit the wall with a bang. TK stepped forward but stopped when he realized that the bang he heard wasn't the door. He gripped the doorway in shock as it felt like the world stopped moving and the sounds around him dimed to a slight hum. TK looked into the room and made eye contact with the child standing there, his small body shaking, gun raised.

TK only broke eye contact when the pain hit, hot, searing pain ripped through his chest. He looked down, he could see his dark coloured shirt turning even darker, as his blood oozed out of a bullet hole. TK let out a pained gasp as he felt his body begin to fall backward, his feet slipping from beneath him, unable to hold his own weight. Reaching out, TK grasped for his dad's shoulder, hoping to somehow lessen the impact of hitting the floor. Numerous people were yelling but TK couldn’t hear anything. The only thing he could focus on was the pain and the fact that it was getting harder and harder to catch his breath. Once on the floor, TK was dimly aware of the hurried movement around his persons, the pressure of his chest becoming too much, making it harder to stay awake and aware. As TK's eyes closed for the final time of the night, the last thing he saw was the look on his dad's face; pain, fear and worry, all directed at him. 'Dad,' TK thought tiredly, as his world turned to black, ‘It hurts’.

----

A bang sounded throughout the hallway and Owen stood in shock as he watched his son's blood splattered against the wall behind him.

There was a moment of complete silence, everybody stopped, it was like the oxygen had been sucked out of the hallway.

Then the moment was over and TK was falling.

“TK? TK!”

Someone yelled out from behind, but Owen couldn’t register who it was. All he could focus on was the pained look on his son’s face as he fell backwards onto the floor. Owen could feel TK reach for his shoulder, to steady himself, Owen’s own hand gripped the front of TK’s shirt to slow his descent.

Owen could hear the movement around him, vaguely he could someone talking to the child that had shot his son, but Owen only had eyes for his boy. With one hand pressed to the bullet wound on TK’s chest, Owen’s other hand was resting on TK’s face, trying to keep him awake.

Owen could feel the tears in his eyes, as he watched TK struggle to keep his eyes open.

“No, no, no,” He mumbled, pressing harder on the wound, blood seeping out between his fingers, “You stay with me, you hear me? TK?!”

A hand gripped his wrist, trying to pull his hand away from TK’s chest, Owen opened his mouth to curse out the person, only to stop when he made eye contact with Michelle. She was kneeling down next to him, her medical bag opened next to her and Nancy already on the other side of TK, pulling out the necessary equipment to stop the bleeding.

“I need you to let me and my team work Captain,” She told him kindly, “Don’t worry, he’s strong. We’ll get him out of here, no problem, but you’re going to need to give us some space to work.”

“No, Michelle, I can’t leave him,” Owen’s voice was small, like he couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Yes you can.”

“Come on Cap,” Judd’s hands gripped Owen’s shoulders, pulling him away slightly, “Let Michelle work. Your boy’s in good hands.”

Owen let his body be pulled back, Judd’s firm hands keeping him in place, as he watched with unfocused eyes as Michelle and Nancy worked quickly. Nancy cut away TK’s shirt to get to the wound and Owen heard Michelle describe the bullet as a through and through as both women maneuvered TK’s body around.

Blood was now pooling and staining the flooring underneath TK and all Owen could do was stare at the unmoving body of his son.

A backboard and neck brace were passed down the hallway and with practised ease, Michelle and Nancy secured TK to it.

“We need to get him to the hospital, we’ve done what we can, but he’s going to need surgery,” Michelle spoke softly but firmly to Owen, “We need to get him out of here now.”

“Okay,” Owen replied, his voice distant and detached, “Judd, Paul help Michelle get TK to the ambulance.”

“On it Cap.” “You got it Captain.” Both men answered at the same time.

Reaching down, they each grabbed a hold of an end of the backboard and followed Michelle down the hallway and out of the house.

----

Owen didn’t know how long it took to get to the hospital, one minute Marjan was helping him stand, he blinked and then he was sitting in the waiting room, with intake forms on his lap.

Blinking slowly, Owen looked around, he could see the rest of the 126 dotted around the room. Looks of worry painted across their faces, with Judd looking the worst. Owen could only imagine what was going through his head.

“Family for uh, Tyler Strand?” A doctor in scrubs stood at the doorway of the waiting room, a clipboard in his hands.

Owen’s head shot up at the sound of his son’s name. Standing up quickly, Owen made his way to the doctor.

“Tell me how he’s doing doc,” Owen’s voice soft but determined, he needed answers and he needed them now.

“Do you want to talk somewhere more privately?” The doctor asked, while looking around the room, everyone here couldn’t possibly be all family.

“Everyone here is TK’s family,” Owen frowned at the doctor’s tone and held a hand out to shush Judd’s near growl at the doctor, “Now tell me how my son is.”

“Well,” The doctor sighed and pushed his glasses back up his nose, he raised his clipboard, glancing at what was written on it, “Tyler…”

“TK,” Owen interrupted, “He prefers to go by TK.”

“Right,” The doctor cleared his throat, “TK made it through surgery, he will recover in a given time. However, there were a few complications.”

“Complications?” Owen prompted, an eyebrow raised, “Such as?”

The doctor winced at Owen’s tone, he did always hate this part of his job, “Your son’s heart stopped while we were operating. Twice. But we were able to restart it both times. Other than the surgery went well, I was able to remove the bullet fragments and stop the internal bleeding, however, TK is now in a coma.”

Owen’s heart sank, he felt his knees give out from underneath him. Only Paul’s arm around his waist stopped him from hitting the floor, “What’s that mean right now for him?”

“It means your son is very lucky. I strongly believe he will wake up within the next few days, his body is healing in it’s own way. Once he wakes up, with enough rest and PT, he should make a full recovery and be back on the job in no time.”

Owen sighed deeply as he felt the tension in the room lift at the doctor's words, “When can we see him?”

“He’s being moved to a room now,” The doctor explained, “The only thing I ask is that there are only two people to be in the room with him at a time when sitting with him. I don’t want his room overcrowded. I know you all want to see him, but too many at once is the opposite of what he needs right now.”

The group in front of him nodded slowly in agreement at his words, “I’ll have the nurse come get you when he’s settled.”

“Okay,” Owen nodded again, “Thank you doctor.”

The room was silent as the doctor left.

Owen’s mind buzzed with what the doctor had just told them, he couldn’t think of anything else. He was so focused on the fact that his son had literally died on the operating table, that he didn’t notice the movement around him. The rest of the 126 began to plan.

It was Marjan who suggested that they make a rotating roster so there was no chance that TK would wake up alone. Paul pointed out that only one of them was going to be able to see TK at a time, as it was unlikely that Owen would be leaving his son’s side anytime soon. Mateo offered to go on a coffee run or maybe get some food, while Judd and Grace were speaking softly to one of the nurses that had just entered the waiting room.

“Come on boss,” Judd made his way over to Owen, “Shelly here says that TK’s all set up in his room and she’ll take you to him, if you’re ready.”

“Oh,” Owen blinked up at Judd, his words slowly registering. It took him a moment, but when he looked to the young nurse he realized what Judd was saying, “Yes, yes. I’m ready to go now. Thank you Judd. Please lead on Shelly.”

“Right this way, Mr Strand,” Shelly walked away with Owen right on her heels.

As Owen walked towards his son’s room, he could only hope that TK would wake up soon, he couldn’t lose him. He wouldn’t be able to handle it.

THE END

[nico-di-genova]

The Plus Side to Food Poisoning

Prompt: “What the hell are you doing on the bathroom floor at three in the morning?” 

Carlos gets sick, TK’s there to help him feel better. 

Warnings: Sexual content (implied) and (kinda?) detailed throwing up.  

     “What the hell are you doing on the bathroom floor at three in the morning?” TK grumbles when he comes stumbling into the room. He’s groggy, wiping at his eyes with obvious exhaustion, and not aware enough to realize the sweat beaded on Carlos’ forehead, let alone his dinner in the toilet bowl.

     The man had come over a little past eleven, a simple ‘you up?’ text sent thirty minutes before that. Carlos had been going over some paperwork, long enough that he was beginning to get a headache from staring at documents for so long, so he’d ignored the small part of him that told him he was mad at TK, and texted back. There hadn’t been much conversation for the rest of the night. Last week’s dinner fiasco was never discussed, he spent most the time insanely turned on or trying to force down the quiet voice that told him he was making a mistake. TK didn’t want a relationship, that was fine, it was fine.

     Nausea rolling through him in waves, he leaned his head back against the wall, turning slightly to meet TK’s bleary eyed gaze, “I don’t think my dinner agreed with me.” He tried to smile, a small twitch of his lips, just to add some humor to the situation, but his stomach rolled dangerously, and the smile vanished as soon as it appeared.

     TK at least looked a little concerned, which was more than Carlos had been expecting from him. He shifted from one leg to the other, shoving his hand in the pocket of Carlos’ police academy sweats. They looked annoyingly good on him, low enough on his hips that Carlos had a hard time not staring at the bit of hair that peeked above the waistband. For a hookup, he was getting far too comfortable wearing Carlos’ clothes.

     He considered the offer; some company would be nice, but he knew TK was only asking out of politeness, “nah, I’m okay. You can go if you want.” 

     He’d judged from TK’s previous behavior that the man was trying to keep this strictly sexual. Anything that could be considered affectionate seemed to be outlawed. Nursing your sick booty call back to health on the floor of his too small bathroom seemed like a step too close to relationship territory. The last thing he wanted to do was scare TK away, the guy was kind of the best sex he’d had in years. And, he was still holding on to the idealistic hope that one day they’d actually be able to sit down and talk about something other than how good Carlos was at blowjobs. Pathetic, yes, but he’d always been a bit of a hopeless romantic; especially where doe eyed boys with emotional issues were concerned. 

     TK seemed to consider his options, biting on his bottom lip and looking at Carlos with something akin to pity. His hair is a mess, sticking up at odd angles. They’d been pretty rough tonight, more so than usual. Maybe, not that he would ever admit this, Carlos was mad. He’d sucked hickeys into TK’s skin a bit too aggressively, nipped at the underside of his jaw, pulled at his hair until the man was hissing in pain. It had been hot but looking back he couldn’t help the shame that unfurled low in his gut. It didn’t help his already upset stomach. 

     As Carlos considered his behavior over the past week, TK had arrived at his decision. 

      “Hold on,” he said, then turned on his heel and left. 

     So that was it. This is what he’d gotten himself into. Twenty-seven, single, hooking up with the son of the fire captain, and still somehow deluding himself into thinking that this was anything more than what it had been from the beginning. He’d go back to work tomorrow, probably exhausted and feeling worse for wear, do his job and maybe, if he was lucky, run across TK on a call. They’d make awkward eye contact, and that would be it. At least until nighttime came around and the man found himself wanting some company, and, like a dumbass, Carlos would let him crawl right back into his bed. He should be smarter than this, he usually was, but something about TK was magnetic. He couldn’t seem to get away. 

     Another wave a nausea came, this one enough to send him lurching forward, barely managing to get his head over the toilet bowl before retching violently. By now, there wasn’t much left in his stomach, just the last of his meal and the stomach acid that burned as it came up. When it was over, leaving him shivering and wrecked, he fell back against the wall. Exhausted, and desperately wishing that he had enough strength to at least go get a blanket from his room, he let his eyes close for just a second. 

     He didn’t even hear when someone came back into the bathroom, too tired to focus on anything other than the fevered heat of his skin and the buzzing from the lightbulb above his sink. 

     “Hey, Carlos? Are you okay?” TK’s voice was laced with clear worry. Carlos wasn’t sure what shocked him more, the fact that he’d actually come back or that he seemed to be genuinely concerned. 

     Opening his eyes he was met with TK balancing a glass of water, a small container of TUMS, and a blanket in his arms. The sight was almost enough to make him cry; TK seemed to have read his mind. He hadn’t left. That seemed like something. 

     This time when he smiled, weak and grateful, it stuck, “you’re staying?” 

     TK eyed him quizzically, “of course. I can’t leave you like this, dude.” 

     He was here out of obligation then, nothing else. Of course he was, he was a first responder, trained to handle medical issues. So Carlos was a patient. He couldn’t even feel hurt, not when he was too busy accepting the stuff from TK with a quiet ‘thank you’. The blanket was like an anchor, keeping him from floating off further into his subconscious and immediately warming his chilled skin. He was still in nothing but boxers, and he’d always had the bad habit of keeping his thermostat in the 60s.

      TK stepped further into the room, sliding down the wall to sit next to Carlos, and offering him the glass of water with a soft smile. Even in the too bright light, dark circles under his eyes, and the darkening patches of skin on his neck that stood out in stark contrast to the rest of him, TK looked like a dream. He was maddeningly cute, in the way that only boys from movies were. 

     As Carlos sipped on his water, and chewed on a few TUMS, the pills turning chalky in his mouth, TK watched him. There was something weird in his gaze, some tenseness that seemed to worsen as the silence stretched on. 

     Finally, he said, “my dad used to do this for me.” 

     If there was one flaw to TK, it was how frequently he would bring his dad up in conversation. It was a bit of a mood killer. 

     Carlos nodded, “what? Help you deal with a stomachache?” He held up the container of antacids, “seems like he really knew what he was doing.” 

     TK laughed, but it sounded too forced, too tight. He turned away from Carlos, distracted by a loose thread from his sweatpants. Carlos watched as he picked at the fabric, anxious and unsure. He’d cuffed the legs of the pants, probably because he was shorter than Carlos, it made him look even more like a small child. Like he was a kid who was about to get scolded by the father he mentioned far too much. 

     He huffed out another laugh again, “no, uh-. With withdrawals actually.” 

     The words hung heavy. TK didn’t explain further, just let the weight of what he’d said sink in. Carlos couldn’t lie, he was kind of shocked, and it probably showed in his expression. He’d known TK was hiding something, it was clear in the way ran away from anything he couldn’t control, but Carlos would never have thought it was something as serious as drug addiction. 

     “Oh.”

     “Yeah,” he’d pulled even more of the thread loose and was beginning to twist it around his fingers. 

     “Are you-?” 

     “Clean? Yeah.” 

     It’s here that Carlos is confused. Was TK expecting him to respond to this news terribly? Call him a junkie, or kick him out? He was too quick to answer, too scared to actually meet Carlos’ gaze. It made Carlos ache for him, for whoever had treated him so terribly that he felt like he had to act this way. 

     “Actually,” he presses, “I was gonna ask if you were okay.” 

      TK pauses, fidgeting fingers stilling for a moment. When he looks at Carlos it’s with a bit of shock and confusion, “oh um-. Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. It was a few years ago, and I relapsed in New York before we left, but I’m good.” 

     It didn’t sound like he was good, not really. But Carlos didn’t want to press the issue. If TK wanted to talk to him, he would. Carlos wasn’t going to force more out of him and make him uncomfortable. It was enough that TK had trusted him with this, it was more than he would have been willing to say just a week prior. Plus, as much as he loved getting to know this city boy, with the enigma and mystery wrapped around him like layers, Carlos was also tired and felt like absolute shit. The floor of his bathroom wasn’t really the place for heart to hearts. 

     “Okay, well, thanks for telling me.” 

     TK nodded, pressing his lips together, “no problem.”

     It was such an awkward exchange, the sign of two men that had absolutely no idea how much they could trust the other yet. But it seemed significant, a shift in the dynamic, a sign that TK was a least willing to make this more than the occasional hookup. 

     With the medicine and the water in his system Carlos was beginning to feel minorly better, he at least didn’t feel like he was going to vomit at even the slightest movement. The blanket was working wonders as well, warm enough to have him beginning to lull off, head beginning to slump down toward TK’s shoulder. He might have fallen asleep like that, completely content to have TK as a pillow, not at all caring about the crick he’d have in his neck by morning. But TK, ever observant, noticed his situation and of course had to comment on it. 

     “Why don’t I help you get to bed?” He was already beginning to move, shifting so he could stand. 

     Carlos grumbled in annoyance, pulling an amused smile from TK. 

     “C’mon tough guy. There’s no way you actually want to sleep in here.” 

     There was no arguing with that logic. He accepts TK’s outstretched hand and lets the man pull him to his feet. When he started to waver slightly, still nauseous enough to have no sense of balance, TK was there. Solid and sure, he kept one arm wrapped around Carlos’ waist, the other pressed to his chest, and guided him back to his bed with ease. 

     In his sleep addled, sick muddled, confusion Carlos reached out for him again the moment he was lying in bed. He just managed to catch TK’s wrist, warm and even thrum of his heartbeat beneath his skin. He held on tight, even though TK never tried to pull away. 

     “Stay?” he asked, just barely managing to find the man’s face in the dark of the room. TK looked conflicted, and Carlos braced himself for the inevitable rejection. He’d pushed too far, expected too much too soon. 

     “Yeah, okay.” 

     His voice is laced with clear surprise when he says, “yeah?” 

     “Yeah. My dad would probably lose it if I went back home this late anyway.” 

     It sounds juvenile. Something a boy would tell him in high school, but he doesn’t even care because TK’s actually going to sleep in his bed for once and probably still be there when he woke up. Who knew food poisoning could actually be a good thing? 

     When TK curls up next to him, snaking an arm around his waist and pressing a quick kiss to the back of his neck, Carlos thinks he’s probably just dreaming. Even if he is he’s too content to care. TK Strand seems to have a heart after all, under all the secrets he hides himself under. Dinner may have failed, something that came on too fast, but maybe they don’t have to be just about sex. Maybe there’s hope for them yet. Carlos is sick enough that he lets himself dream, and he falls asleep with that hope clutched tightly in his hand, and TK’s breath warm on his back.