#to move on (im not). never ever ever get in a serious relationship when you're in high school im so deadass

[dilemmaed]

yeah this is probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me I can't even lie. but I'm being so brave about it

[amirawrah]

⭐︎ a look into jude's relationship side

♥︎ word count: 8,622

♥︎ amirah: at last innit, my wilo's relationship side would always be on top but i really like this tho so i hope you all like thia too. i think i tried my best with it even tho i think im losing my jude juice but enjoy loves.🫶

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Jude is insanely proud to call you his girlfriend. He will find ways to bring you up in interviews, subtly (or not so subtly) mentioning “my girl” with the biggest smile.

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⭐︎ The interviewer asked a question about Real Madrid’s recent win, but Jude's answer drifted somewhere else entirely.

“Well, the team’s been working hard, training’s been intense,” he started, nodding seriously, but then his gaze flicked toward someone just off-camera—you. The smile that spread across his face could’ve lit up Santiago Bernabéu. “But I’ve also got my girl keeping me grounded, you know? She’s been my peace through all the chaos.”

You could hear the PR manager let out a small sigh behind you—this was the third time he’d found a way to mention you during the post-match media rounds.

The interviewer chuckled, clearly charmed. “You always bring her up, man. Must be serious.”

“Yea of course,” Jude said without missing a beat. “She’s special. Keeps me focused, reminds me who I am when everything else gets loud. I’d be lost without her, honestly.”

Your cheeks burned, heat rushing to them despite the cool breeze drifting through the stadium tunnel. You tried to hide behind your phone, but you knew he’d seen the way your smile widened, how your eyes softened.

Later that night, curled up on the couch in his hoodie and your fluffy socks, he pressed a kiss to your temple and whispered, “I hope you know how proud I am to be yours. I’ll never stop talking about you. Ever.”

You rolled your eyes with a grin. “You’re gonna make people sick with how obsessed you are.”

“Let them be sick,” he laughed, pulling you closer. “I’ve got the best girl in the world—why would I keep that quiet?” ⭐︎

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He’s a big hand on your thigh guy when you’re sitting next to each other—whether you’re chilling at home or courtside at a game or something.

Late-night FaceTimes if he’s away for matches, even if he’s exhausted. If he falls asleep while talking to you, he wakes up the next morning with the goofiest grin.

Protective, but not possessive. If he ever hears someone talking about you sideways, he gives them a look, and they immediately rethink their choices.

Loves to post you subtly—like an artsy pic of you tying your shoes, or a blurry shot of you laughing, captioned with something dumb like “Don’t let her fool you, she’s actually evil.”

Physical touch is a must—forehead kisses, back hugs, and pulling you into him when you're walking together. He loves resting his chin on your shoulder.

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⭐︎ You didn’t need to look behind you to know it was Jude. His arms wrapped around your waist from behind, strong and familiar, pulling you into the warmth of his chest as he buried his face into the curve of your neck.

“Mmm, missed you,” he mumbled, voice thick from sleep. He’d only been in the other room, but Jude acted like every second apart was a mini heartbreak.

“You were gone for five minutes,” you teased, leaning back into him.

“Too long,” he said, smiling into your skin before pressing a slow kiss to your shoulder. “You smell good. What is that?”

“Peace,” you whispered, grinning.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating against your back, and you could feel the way his fingers traced lazy patterns along your waist. You started moving toward the kitchen, and just like that, he followed—fingers still linked with yours—before looping an arm around your shoulders and tugging you closer as you walked.

Every few steps, he’d give your hand a squeeze or nudge your temple with his chin. And when you finally stopped to pour yourself some tea, he rested his chin on your shoulder, watching quietly.

“This is my favorite view,” he said softly, his arms sliding around your waist again. “You. Right here. Just like this.”

You turned to face him, and before you could even speak, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, lingering for a moment like he was grounding himself in you.

“You’re clingy today,” you whispered, smiling up at him.

“Always am,” he shrugged, unapologetic. “Can’t help it. I love you so much.”

And with another forehead kiss and his arms around you like you were his entire universe, you believed every word. ⭐︎

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You two have a secret handshake—Jude made it up one day, and now he refuses to dap you up any other way.

Keeps your relationship somewhat private, but everyone knows how much he adores you.

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⭐︎ You weren’t in his Instagram photos, not really. A blurry hand reaching for coffee in the corner of the frame, your silhouette reflected in his sunglasses, your shoes next to his on a balcony in Ibiza. Jude had mastered the art of the “soft launch”—private, but not secret.

And yet… everyone knew.

The way he looked at you when he thought no one was watching? Yeah, people noticed. The way his whole face softened when your name came up in conversation? His teammates teased him about it relentlessly.

You were at a Real Madrid training session, tucked quietly off to the side, chatting with a staff member. Jude was supposed to be cooling down—but instead, he was walking straight toward you with that lazy, half-smile he only gave you.

“Bro’s whipped,” you heard Cama mutter under his breath, and someone else laugh.

Jude didn’t care. He came up behind you and rested his hand low on your back, fingers brushing the hem of your hoodie. Not a word, just a quiet, grounding touch that said mine without saying anything at all.

“You good, love?” he asked, low enough for only you to hear.

You nodded, biting your lip to hide your smile. “Go stretch.”

He leaned in, lips brushing your cheek, then whispered with a grin, “I’d rather stretch with you later.”

You swatted his arm and shook your head, cheeks warm.

Later that day, he posted a carousel on Instagram: one moody photo of the pitch, a candid of his boots, a video of a sunset—and the last slide, a blurry photo of you laughing, head thrown back, sunglasses on, your face barely visible.

No tag. No caption. Just a heart emoji.

The comments were a mix of detective work and soft chaos:

“We know that laugh anywhere.”

“Jude pls just hard launch her already.”

“His whole aura changes when he talks about her I can’t.”

“Idc who she is, just know he’s in LOVE love.”

And he was.

Even if the world never got a clear picture of you, everyone could see it in the way he smiled when he said “my girl.” ⭐︎

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When he posts you on his story, it’s either a fire pic of you looking stunning or the most unhinged, blurry pic with “look at this menace” as the caption.

If you're at his games, he always looks for you in the stands. If he scores? He’s pointing at you immediately.

Whispers in your ear in public just to see you laugh, then acts like he said nothing.

You make fun of his accent sometimes, and he’ll mock yours right back.

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⭐︎ You were both curled up on the couch, sharing popcorn and watching a movie you weren’t even paying attention to anymore. Jude had just said something—something completely ordinary—but the way he said it made you snort.

“Lemme just grab me coat,” you repeated, mimicking his Birmingham accent with exaggerated vowels and wide eyes.

Jude turned slowly toward you, brows raised. “That’s how you think I sound?”

You nodded seriously. “Exactly like that. ‘Me coat,’ ‘me boots,’ like we’re in a medieval tavern or somethin.”

“Oh, you wanna talk accents now?” he grinned, shifting to face you fully. “Go on then, say ‘water.”

You narrowed your eyes, refusing.

“Go on, babe. Just say it. Say water.”

You sighed dramatically. “Water.”

Jude clutched his chest like you’d personally offended the Queen. “Wah-tuh? Nah, that’s criminal. Where’s the ‘t’? It just disappeared! It’s in witness protection!”

You burst out laughing. “It’s not witness protection, you muppet—it’s a regional dialect!”

“Yeah? Well your regional dialect makes it sound like you’re choking on a vowel,” he teased, eyes sparkling.

You stuck your tongue out at him and he leaned forward, catching your face in his hands like he was studying you.

“I love your accent,” he said suddenly, softer now. “Even when you butcher mine.”

You raised a brow. “You love when I butcher your accent?”

“Yeah,” he smirked. “’Cause then I get to do this—” He cleared his throat, then said in your voice, “‘Jude, can you rub my feet? Jude, can you bring me snacks?’”

“Wow.” You threw a pillow at him, but he caught it midair. “That’s exactly what I sound like.”

“You’re welcome,” he said proudly.

Later, as you lay together in the quiet, his hand tracing shapes on your arm, he whispered, “Say it again.”

You blinked sleepily. “Say what?”

“Water. Just once more. For me.”

You groaned. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Never,” he laughed, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Say it again, then.” ⭐︎

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You two have that best friends and lovers dynamic. One second, you’re being all soft with each other; the next, you’re arguing over who would survive longer in a zombie apocalypse.

Your best conversations happen when it’s just the two of you, late at night, half-asleep, tangled up in the sheets, talking about everything and nothing.

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⭐︎ The world outside had finally gone still. No press, no training, no obligations—just the two of you, wrapped up in the quiet.

The sheets were twisted around your legs, one of Jude’s arms draped lazily across your waist, his fingers tracing slow circles on your skin. The only light in the room came from the soft amber glow of the bedside lamp he insisted on keeping on, “just in case you want water or somethin’.”

You were facing each other, noses nearly touching, his curls slightly flattened from your pillow. His voice was low, scratchy from sleep, and he was talking about something completely random.

“…and then I said, ‘Bro, why would you wear that in public?’ Like he looked like a traffic cone.”

You laughed, soft and muffled, trying not to wake the world outside your little bubble. “You’re mean.”

“I’m honest,” he grinned, eyes fluttering half shut.

There was a long beat of silence. Not uncomfortable. Just peaceful.

Then he asked, “Do you think this—us—is gonna last forever?”

You blinked, heart skipping a little. Not from nerves, but from the softness in his voice. Like he was handing you something fragile and precious.

You nodded slowly, brushing your fingers against his jaw. “I think it already feels like forever. Like I’ve known you in every version of my life.”

He smiled, eyes gleaming even in the dim light. “Yeah. You feel like home, y’know?”

A yawn slipped from his mouth mid-sentence and he buried his face in your neck, mumbling something about how good your skin felt.

You giggled, threading your fingers through his hair. “What if we wake up tomorrow and forget this whole conversation?”

“Then I’ll just tell you again,” he whispered, voice now a sleepy hum. “Every night and Forever.”

And with that, his breathing slowed, syncing with yours. The night held the two of you like a secret, tangled in sheets and sleepy truths, talking about everything and nothing—right where love lives. ⭐︎

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He has this way of looking at you when he thinks you’re not paying attention—like you hung the stars just for him.

Sometimes, you’ll catch him staring, and he’ll just smirk. “What? I can’t admire my girl?”

Loves it when you play with his fingers absentmindedly while you’re watching TV.

Loves when you sit on the bathroom counter and talk to him while he gets ready for training.

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⭐︎ You were still in his t-shirt—massive on you, hanging just above your thighs—as you hopped up onto the bathroom counter, legs swinging gently. The early morning light spilled through the window, painting the tiles golden, and Jude was standing at the sink, toothbrush in hand, shirtless, curls still damp from his quick shower.

This had become a ritual: you, on the counter, rambling about everything from your dream last night to what you wanted for breakfast, while he got ready for training.

“…and then for some reason, I was chasing a llama through Westfield with a shopping trolley. I don’t know what that means, but I woke up so stressed.”

Jude spat out his toothpaste, laughing. “A llama? In Westfield?”

“Don’t judge me, dream logic doesn’t have to make sense.”

He reached for his moisturizer and glanced over at you, his eyes lingering just a second longer than necessary. “You’re so cute in the mornings. Still half-asleep, talkin’ nonsense, legs swingin’ like a little kid.”

“I’ll kick you,” you warned, grinning.

He leaned in and kissed your knee. “Yeah, go on then. Do it.”

You watched as he rubbed product into his face, muscles moving under smooth skin, his reflection calm and focused. You loved this version of him—off the pitch, still soft around the edges, yours.

“I like this,” you said quietly.

He looked up, meeting your eyes in the mirror. “What?”

“This. You. Getting ready. Me sitting here. Talking about llamas.”

He smiled, the kind of smile that made your chest ache a little. “Yeah? You know I only ever take this long 'cause I like when you sit there and talk to me.”

You blinked. “Wait, so you drag out your skincare routine just to keep me here longer?”

“Every morning,” he shrugged with a wink, grabbing his cologne. “Gotta soak you in before I go.”

You rolled your eyes, heart full. “You’re such a simp.”

He stepped between your knees and leaned in, pressing a warm kiss to your forehead. “For you? Always.” ⭐︎

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If you’re cooking, he’ll come up behind you, wrap his arms around your waist, and press a kiss to your neck like it’s second nature.

If you’re on a plane together, he lets you sleep on his shoulder and makes sure you have a blanket.

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⭐︎ The plane was somewhere over the Atlantic, cruising through a sea of stars and clouds, dimmed cabin lights casting a sleepy glow over everything. Most of the team had passed out hours ago, scattered through first class in hoodies and eye masks, legs stretched and headphones in.

But you?

You were curled up next to Jude, your head nestled perfectly into the curve of his shoulder, his Real Madrid zip-up jacket draped over your lap like a makeshift blanket.

He hadn’t moved since you dozed off—partly because he didn’t want to wake you, partly because he was savoring it. Your breath was warm against his neck, your hand resting lightly on his chest. Every now and then, you’d shift slightly, and he’d adjust without a word—tugging the blanket higher, brushing your hair away from your face, pressing the softest kiss to the top of your head.

He looked down at you, eyes soft, heart doing that quiet ache thing it always did when you were like this—peaceful, trusting, his.

You stirred a little, mumbling something incoherent, and he leaned in.

“Shhh,” he whispered, voice barely audible. “Sleep, baby. I got you.”

A flight attendant walked by, smiled when she saw you both. Jude just nodded politely, then turned back to you—his girl, fast asleep on his shoulder, wrapped in his jacket, flying somewhere between dreams and reality.

And in that moment, at 30,000 feet, he’d never felt more grounded.⭐︎

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Jude will never let you live down any embarrassing moment. Trips over nothing? “Damn, babe, you okay? Want me to carry you everywhere now?”

If you’re ever apart for too long, best believe he’s making up for it the second he sees you again. Long, tight hugs where he just breathes you in before whispering, “Missed you, baby.”

Texts You Mid-Training: Even when he’s busy, he sneaks a text like "Thinking about you. Hope you're having a good day ❤️”

Texts You From Across the Room: If you’re in a group setting, he’ll send you a stupid message like “You look mad cute over there” or “Let’s leave and get McDonald’s.”

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⭐︎ The room was buzzing—laughter, glasses clinking, music low in the background. You were seated across from Jude at a long dinner table, surrounded by mutual friends, some of his teammates, their partners, and way too many inside jokes flying around.

You were mid-conversation with someone when your phone lit up in your lap.

Jude 🤍 you look mad cute over there let’s dip and get maccies. just you + me + fries.

You bit your lip to hide your smile.

You looked up across the table. Jude was pretending to listen to whatever Vini was saying, chin resting in his palm, but the corner of his mouth twitched when your eyes met. He winked, quick and subtle, like he hadn’t just offered to abandon this semi-fancy dinner for fast food and alone time with you.

You texted back:

you’re insufferable. and yes, obviously.

His reply came instantly:

Jude 🤍 knew it. meet me by the coat rack in 10. we’ll ghost like legends.

You glanced at him again, and this time he was fully smiling. Not big and showy. Just that smug, quiet little smirk he got when he knew he had you wrapped around his finger—though, truthfully, you had him just as bad.

Ten minutes later, you were slipping on your coat as Jude “went to the bathroom,” and the next thing you knew, you were in his car, windows slightly fogged, shoes kicked off, sharing a large fries and singing terribly to the radio.

No cameras. No pressure. Just the two of you and a bag of McNuggets, laughing like you hadn’t just ditched a room full of people for something a little more you. ⭐︎

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Steals Your Skincare Products: “Babe, what does this serum do?” Next thing you know, he’s fully committed to your skincare routine.

Puppy Dog Eyes When He Wants Something: “Baaaabe,” he drags out, giving you that look when he wants you to get up and grab something for him—even though he’s closer to it.

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⭐︎ You were curled up on the couch, wrapped in your favorite blanket, halfway through an episode of Love Island, snacks perfectly balanced on your lap. Comfort mode: fully activated.

Jude was on the other end of the sofa, literally closer to the remote, phone charger, and the half-empty bottle of water on the table. But of course… that didn’t stop him.

“Baaaaabe,” he whined, voice stretching the word like he was auditioning for a soap opera. You didn’t even look up.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna ask,” he pouted.

“I do. You want me to get something that’s exactly three inches from your hand.”

“Okay but I’m comfortable,” he argued, which made you turn your head slowly and give him the look.

“I’m literally cocooned in this blanket. If I move, it’s over.”

He blinked. Then—there it was. The look. Puppy dog eyes, bottom lip slightly out, that soft little head tilt like he was the most pitiful boy in the world.

“Pleaseeee,” he said in the smallest voice. “My girl. My angel. My sweet love.”

You squinted at him. “Don’t try to butter me up.”

“I’d never,” he gasped dramatically. “But also… the charger’s just there. And my phone’s on 2%.”

You groaned but shoved the blanket off anyway, grabbing the charger and tossing it at him with the flair of a dramatic lead in a West End play.

“Happy now?”

He grinned, plugging it in and leaning over to kiss your cheek. “Ecstatic. Thank you, my love.”

You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks were warm. Because yeah—he was a menace. A spoiled, dramatic, clingy menace.

But he was your menace. ⭐︎

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One time you two went to a photobooth and he kept the picture in his locker

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⭐︎ It had been one of those rare afternoons—just the two of you, no media, no training, no schedule. You were wandering through some tucked-away street in Madrid, iced coffees in hand, when you passed a tiny old-school photo booth tucked between a bakery and a record shop.

Jude stopped, took one look at it, and grinned. “Get in.”

You blinked. “Now?”

“Yeah,” he said, already pulling the curtain back. “We’re making core memories.”

The machine barely fit you both, knees bumping, laughter echoing off the tiny walls.

The first photo was mid-laugh—you hadn’t even been ready.

The second, you both tried to be serious but cracked up halfway through.

The third, he kissed your cheek, completely catching you off guard.

And the fourth?

He looked right at the camera, grinning.

You looked right at him.

When the strip slid out a few seconds later, you both stood there, staring at it, giggling like kids.

But Jude pocketed it.

“What—don’t I get a copy?”

“Nah,” he smirked, tucking it into his wallet. “This one’s for me.”

You thought nothing of it at the time.

Months later, one of the Real Madrid staff posted a behind-the-scenes locker room pic on Instagram—nothing wild, just a celebration moment after a big win.

But in the corner, barely visible, taped inside Jude’s open locker…

There it was.

The photo strip.

Slightly crumpled, edges worn, but still stuck right there next to his wrist tape and boots.

You zoomed in instantly, heart doing that stupid flutter.

The next time you saw him, you leaned against the doorframe of his room and said, “So… locker decorations, huh?”

He didn’t even try to act cool. Just grinned and shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“It’s my favorite photo. Why wouldn’t I keep it close?” ⭐︎

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The type to pull you in by your jaw for a deep, slow kiss before a match—just to get you flustered.

Will randomly kiss your shoulder if you’re sitting next to him, no reason needed.

If you ever feel insecure, he’s on it immediately. He won’t let you say anything negative about yourself. “Nah, I don’t want to hear that. You’re perfect to me.”

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⭐︎ It was late—too late to be overthinking, but there you were, lying in bed, scrolling through photos on your phone. You��d been doing it for a while now, swiping through your feed, comparing, wondering, self-doubting.

Jude had been on his phone too, but his attention was split. He glanced over at you, saw the way your brow furrowed, the way you tucked your lip between your teeth.

“Babe?” he asked, his voice low and soft, pulling you from your thoughts. “You okay?”

You shrugged, offering a half-smile. “Yeah, just… nothing really.”

He wasn’t buying it. Not for a second.

He turned over, propping himself up on one elbow, studying you with that warm, concerned look of his. “Don’t lie to me. What’s going on?”

You hesitated, then sighed. “I just… I don’t know. I feel a bit off. Like, maybe I’m not doing enough, or—”

“Stop,” he cut you off immediately, his hand gently cupping your face. His thumb brushed the skin of your cheek like he was trying to erase the uncertainty there. “No. I don’t want to hear any of that.”

You blinked, confused. “What?”

“You’re perfect. To me. Always have been. Always will be.” His voice was firm, no hesitation. “And I don’t want you thinking otherwise. Not for one second. So if you’re gonna talk like that about yourself again, I’m walking out of this room.”

Your eyes softened, the words from earlier fading away in the warmth of his gaze. “But I—”

“No buts.” He kissed your forehead lightly, his lips lingering a moment longer than necessary. “You’re everything I need, okay? And if you ever feel like you’re less than that, I’m right here. You’ve got no reason to feel anything less than amazing.”

A breath you didn’t know you were holding released. “I love you,” you whispered, your heart swelling.

He smiled, that soft, content smile you loved. “I love you more. But I’ll always remind you how perfect you are, even if you forget.”

You cuddled into his side, feeling like the weight of all your insecurities had been lifted, replaced with the quiet certainty of his love.

And as he pulled you closer, gently pressing a kiss to your temple, you knew you had everything you needed—because with him, you felt more than enough. ⭐︎

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If someone flirts with you in front of him? He leans in and whispers in your ear, “You love making me mad, don’t you?” with that smug smirk of his.

If you’re ever in public and he catches you staring at him, he’ll lean in close, voice all deep, and say, “If you keep looking at me like that, we’re gonna have a problem.”

Will casually whisper something highly inappropriate in your ear during a party just to see your reaction. When you hit him, he just laughs. “What? I was just saying the truth.”

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⭐︎ The party was in full swing—loud music, chatter filling the air, and everyone mingling around. You were standing near the bar with a few of Jude’s teammates, a glass of wine in your hand as you chatted about nothing in particular, enjoying the warmth of the evening.

And then, from behind, you felt his presence—Jude sliding in beside you, his arm brushing against yours as he leaned in close.

“Hey babe,” he murmured, his voice low, almost teasing. You barely had time to turn toward him before his lips were right next to your ear, his warm breath sending a shiver down your spine.

"You're looking incredibly hot tonight... Honestly, I’m not sure how I haven’t dragged you to the nearest bathroom yet.”

Your eyes widened, heart skipping a beat as you spun around to face him. “Jude!” you hissed, wide-eyed, but there was no stopping the smirk tugging at his lips.

He looked so damn innocent, but you could see the glint of mischief in his eyes. “What? I was just saying the truth,” he shrugged, laughing as your face flushed in embarrassment.

You swatted his chest playfully, but that only made him laugh harder. “I can’t believe you sometimes,” you muttered, trying to shake off the heat rising to your cheeks. “You’re lucky I’m not making this whole party uncomfortable.”

He chuckled, wrapping his arm around your waist. “I didn’t think you’d mind that much. But I’ll admit… I love how you react.”

You shot him an exasperated look, but inside, you couldn't help but smile. He always had a way of making you blush, even in the most inappropriate moments.

“Jude,” you warned, “don’t test me, okay?”

He leaned in for a quick kiss on your cheek, laughing again as he pulled back. “You love me, though. And you know it.”

You rolled your eyes but let him pull you closer, the teasing smile never leaving his face.

“Just wait,” you muttered under your breath, “I’ll get you back.”

He raised an eyebrow, that teasing gleam still in his eye. “I’m looking forward to it.” ⭐︎

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When he’s feeling especially cocky, he runs his fingers over your lips while grinning. “So pretty… what else can that mouth do?”

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⭐︎ The atmosphere was a little different tonight—a bit more playful, a little charged with energy. You two were lounging on the couch at home after a night out with friends. The lights were dimmed, music softly playing in the background, and Jude was as relaxed as ever, his arm draped lazily over the back of the couch, his leg resting across yours.

You were mid-conversation, talking about something completely innocent—maybe a funny story about your day—but Jude wasn’t really listening.

He was watching you, eyes lingering on your lips as you spoke, a smug little grin slowly spreading across his face. You didn’t notice at first, too caught up in your own words, but then his hand slid closer, his fingers brushing lightly against your lower lip.

His grin grew wider. “So pretty…” he murmured, voice lower than usual, his thumb tracing over your lips gently. “What else can that mouth do?”

Your breath hitched, eyes darting up to his, catching the glint of mischief in his eyes. You opened your mouth to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat, your pulse quickening at the way he was watching you.

Jude was loving this—this was exactly the kind of cocky energy he thrived on. His fingers lingered just a little longer, pressing against your lips with a teasing, slow swipe, waiting for a reaction.

You finally managed to clear your throat, trying to stay composed, but you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks. “You’re such a menace,” you laughed, trying to brush off the sudden rush of nerves.

“Am I?” He leaned in closer, lowering his voice even more. “Or am I just being honest?”

You shot him a playful look, your hand reaching up to push his teasing hand away, but he caught your wrist, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’d love to see tho…” His lips hovered just inches from yours, and you could practically feel the tension crackling between you.

You leaned in, closing the space between you, but just before your lips touched his, you pulled back with a teasing grin of your own.

“I think you already know,” you whispered, watching his smirk falter slightly as his breath caught.

He leaned back, looking both impressed and a little defeated. “You’re dangerous, you know that?”

You winked, giving him a playful shove. “You started it.”⭐︎

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If you’re teasing him, he shuts you up with a kiss—gripping your face and kissing you so good that you completely forget what you were saying. Pulls you into his lap and runs his hands slowly down your back, deepening the kiss just when you think he’s done.

His voice drops when he’s in control. That deep, slow, teasing tone that makes your legs weak. “Oh, you’re quiet now? That’s cute.”

If he’s frustrated after a game, best believe he’s taking it out somewhere else. “Long day, love. Think you can help me relax?”

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⭐︎ The locker room was still buzzing with post-game chatter, but Jude was already a little distant—his mind too wrapped up in the frustration from the match. He had played well, sure, but something about the game hadn’t sat right with him. Maybe it was a missed opportunity or a mistake he couldn’t shake. Either way, he was feeling the pressure.

You could tell the moment he stepped through the door, his jaw clenched, his brow furrowed as he made his way to you. His teammates were still laughing, but he didn’t seem to hear any of it. His eyes were on you.

“Hey,” you said softly, trying to get his attention as he walked over to you, his heavy boots thudding against the floor. You didn’t need to ask what was wrong—he was clearly frustrated.

He leaned down, brushing a lock of your hair behind your ear, his voice dropping low. “Long day, love.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Tough game?”

“Yeah,” he muttered, pulling you closer by the waist. His lips hovered near your ear, a quiet, almost possessive tone in his voice. “Think you can help me relax?”

The words made your heart skip a beat, the tension between you two shifting from casual concern to something far more intense. You could tell he needed to unwind, and you were more than happy to help, but you couldn’t ignore the way his fingers grazed your skin, or the heat in his eyes that made your pulse race.

“Relax, huh?” You teased, arching an eyebrow as you slid your hands up his chest, your fingertips lightly brushing against his collarbone. “And what exactly do you have in mind, Mr. Bellingham?”

He gave you that grin—the one that made your insides twist with anticipation. “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Before you could respond, he gently tugged you into him, his lips pressing against yours in a deep, needy kiss. The kind that left no room for words, only the need to be closer, to forget the world outside of this moment.

He pulled back just enough to speak, his breath warm against your lips. “I need you, babe. You’re the only thing that’s gonna take my mind off this game.”

You nodded, your hands slipping around his neck as you melted into him. “Then let me take care of you.”

And with that, everything else faded away—the game, the frustration, the world outside. It was just the two of you, tangled in the quiet after the storm. ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

If you so much as whimper in his ear? He smirks immediately. “Oh? You like that, huh?”

Hotel room energy? Dangerous. He’s got nowhere to be, no training, just you and all the time in the world.

He loves running errands with you—even something as boring as grocery shopping. He’s pushing the cart, being silly, putting random snacks in, and pretending not to hear you when you tell him to put them back.

Denise absolutely adores you. From the moment she met you, she could tell you made Jude happy. “You bring out the best in him.”

Loves doing girls' days with you—shopping, brunch, spa days. Sometimes it’s just the two of you because Jude “complains too much when we take too long.”

──────────────────────────────────────────

⭐︎ It was a Saturday morning when Denise called, as usual. She’d been hinting for days about a girls' day, and you had a feeling she was more than ready for it. Jude was off with his teammates, so it was just the two of you, and the thought of a relaxing day away from the boys had you looking forward to it.

“Brunch first, then spa?” she asked, voice full of energy. “I know a place with the best mimosas.”

You grinned. “Sounds perfect.”

It was one of those rare days when you could let go of everything—no interviews, no cameras, just you, Denise, and a bit of fun. You met up at a cozy café, enjoying the morning sunlight pouring through the windows as you chatted over eggs benedict and fresh fruit.

Denise, as always, was full of stories. She told you about Jude’s childhood mischief, how he used to steal cookies when he was little, and how she could never stay mad at him for long. “He’s always been a good boy, even when he’s up to no good,” she laughed, sipping her coffee.

You laughed along, feeling the warmth of her words. “You really raised him right.”

Denise’s smile softened, a proud glint in her eyes. “He’s always been special, but you… you bring out the best in him.”

You blinked, touched by her words. “D…”

She waved her hand dismissively, her tone light but sincere. “It’s true. From the moment I met you, I could see how happy he was. You’re one of the best things that ever happened to him, and I’m so glad he found you.”

You felt a flutter in your chest, her words making you smile. “I’m just happy to be in his life. And yours, too.”

After brunch, you two hit up the shopping mall, roaming from store to store, trying on clothes, laughing at each other’s outfit choices. Jude’s complaints about you both taking too long were often brought up, especially when you made Denise laugh until she nearly spilled her iced coffee.

“Jude always says we take forever,” you said, pulling out a pair of shoes you thought would be perfect for a date night. “Honestly, he’s just grumpy because he doesn’t have the patience for this.”

Denise grinned. “That’s because he doesn’t get it. You and I—” she gestured between the two of you, “—we know how to shop properly.”

By the time you both made it to the spa, you were relaxed and feeling like you’d just experienced a little slice of heaven. Denise was the best kind of company: no stress, no pressure, just fun.

As you sank into the massage chair, Denise gave you a wink. “Next time, I say we turn off our phones, Jude complains too much.”

You burst out laughing. “I’m down for that.” ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

The first time you met Mark, he was lowkey intimidating, but within five minutes, he was cracking jokes and making you feel at home.

He’s a big storyteller, especially about Jude and Jobe as kids. If you’re ever at the Bellingham house, expect to hear childhood embarrassments on repeat.

──────────────────────────────────────────

⭐︎ It was your second time at the Bellingham house, and you were still getting used to the chaotic energy that always filled the place. You had already spent time with Jude and Jobe, but this time, Mark was home, and you were more than a little curious to see what the dad of the Bellingham family was like in person.

When you first met him, you were a little intimidated—he had that aura of authority, the kind of man whose gaze could make anyone stand a little straighter. But the moment he greeted you with a warm handshake and a half-grin, any nervousness melted away. His voice was deep and full of humor as he immediately began cracking jokes about Jude and Jobe, easing you into the conversation without even trying.

“So, when these two were younger…” Mark started, leaning back in his chair as he sipped his coffee. “I had to spend hours in the backyard trying to teach Jude how to ride a bike. But the kid? He refused to listen to me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Oh yeah.” Mark chuckled, shaking his head. “He was convinced that if he just went fast enough, he’d be able to float. Like a superhero or something. So, one day, I look up, and there he is, barreling down the driveway, pedaling like mad. Guess what? The kid didn’t float, but he sure ended up in the bushes.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, picturing a young Jude with all his determination, even if it meant a few bumps and bruises.

“Jobe, on the other hand…” Mark’s grin widened. “He was always the sneaky one. We had to hide all the cookies because he had a serious sweet tooth. One night, we caught him trying to sneak an entire box of biscuits under his bed. He didn’t think we’d notice, but the crumbs? The crumbs told a different story.”

You leaned back in your chair, grinning at the mental image of the younger Bellingham brothers getting into all kinds of mischief.

Mark’s storytelling was infectious. His laughter filled the room as he kept dishing out embarrassing memories, not just about Jude but also about himself. You could see where Jude got his charm and sense of humor from—Mark clearly loved to laugh, and he didn’t mind making fun of himself to keep the mood light.

As the stories continued, you felt completely at ease, as if you’d been a part of their family for years. It was hard to imagine that you’d ever been intimidated by Mark, because now, he felt like the kind of guy who could make anyone feel welcome.

“Anyway,” Mark said, finishing his story and giving you a mischievous grin. “You’ll be hearing a lot more of these embarrassing stories if you keep hanging around.”

You smiled, feeling completely at home. “I’m starting to think I might have to start collecting my own stories to tell about Jude.”

“Please,” Mark laughed. “I’m sure he’s got a few things to hide. But just remember, I have decades of ammunition on him.” ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

If you and Jude ever argue, Jobe is nosy as hell. He’ll pop up like, “Damn, what he do now?”

Lowkey wingman—if Jude is being dumb, Jobe will tell him. “Bro, just buy her flowers or something. You’re moving mad.”

──────────────────────────────────────────

⭐︎ You and Jude were in the middle of one of those perfectly normal, but totally unnecessary arguments. It had started over something silly, like whether or not he remembered to grab your favorite snacks during his grocery run. You were both talking over each other, trying to get your points across, but neither of you was really listening anymore.

"Jude, it’s not about the snacks!" you huffed, crossing your arms.

"It’s the principle!" he shot back, his voice rising slightly.

You rolled your eyes. "The principle? Really?"

The room was tense, both of you clearly frustrated, but neither willing to be the first to back down.

Just as things were starting to get heated, the door creaked open, and in walked Jobe, casually leaning against the doorframe with a curious look on his face.

"Damn," he said, eyes widening in exaggerated shock. "What’d he do now?"

You couldn't help but let out a small laugh, the tension breaking just a bit. Jude groaned, throwing his head back and muttering under his breath. "Not now, Jobe."

Jobe raised an eyebrow and took a few steps further into the room, giving you both a once-over before nodding to himself. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know that you two always look mad cute together. So what’s this about?”

You exchanged a look with Jude, both of you still a little riled up, but now there was an undeniable sense of awkwardness thanks to Jobe's nosy intervention.

“You really gonna let her get away with that?” Jobe said, pointing at Jude with a sly grin. “Bruh, just buy her flowers or something. You’re moving mad.”

Jude blinked. "Flowers? Really?"

Jobe gave him a knowing look. "Trust me, man. They fix everything. Women like flowers. You know, the nice kind, not those half-dead daisies you tried to give her last month."

You couldn’t help but laugh at Jobe’s honesty. Jude sighed dramatically, looking like he wanted to protest but knew deep down that Jobe had a point. "Fine," Jude muttered, rubbing his face. "Flowers. Can you leave now, Jobe?"

Jobe grinned, clearly having accomplished his mission. “I’ll leave you two to work this out, but don’t say I didn’t try to help.” He gave you a wink and casually strolled out of the room, leaving you and Jude in the quiet aftermath.

Jude turned to you with a sheepish smile, running a hand through his hair. "You know, he’s not wrong. I should’ve just gotten the flowers."

"Yeah, you should have," you said, crossing your arms and softening, your earlier frustration melting away. “But I’m glad Jobe stepped in. I think he saved you.”

Jude let out a small laugh, shaking his head. "I swear, he’s like my personal therapist sometimes."

"Maybe you should start listening to him more often," you teased, giving him a playful nudge.

"Don’t worry," Jude said, pulling you in for a hug. "Next time, flowers. I promise." ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

Football debates at the dinner table—Mark and Jude get so into it, and you just sit back, sipping your drink, waiting for it to end.

──────────────────────────────────────────

⭐︎ Dinner at the Bellingham house always started off normal enough—Mark telling stories, Jobe sneaking bites before everyone sat down, and Jude’s hand resting on your thigh under the table like clockwork.

But somehow… somehow it always ended the same way.

“Listen, I’m just saying,” Mark began, fork pointing dramatically in Jude’s direction, “midfielders today don’t dictate the game the way they used to. Y’all are all about flair now. Where’s the control?”

Jude leaned back in his chair, mouth full of rice, eyebrows raised in disbelief. “Control? Dad, you watched my last match, right? I was the control.”

“Oh, please,” Mark scoffed. “You had, what, 89% pass accuracy? You’re good, Jude, but you ain’t Zidane.”

That was the spark. And just like that, the match was underway.

You slowly leaned back in your chair, picking up your glass of wine—tonight, it was rosé, your favorite—and took a long sip. Jobe looked over at you, already smirking. “Round three,” he whispered.

You nodded. “Let them cook.”

“Dad, you always bring up Zidane. Times have changed! No one plays like it’s 2004 anymore.”

“And that’s the problem,” Mark shot back. “You all play like you’re trying to be TikTok highlights. Where’s the patience? The build-up play?”

You glanced at Jobe again, both of you silently enjoying the show. This was better than reality TV. Jude’s plate was half-forgotten, Mark was gesturing with a spoon like it was a mic, and honestly, if someone said "4-4-2" one more time, you were going to throw a dinner roll.

Eventually, when Jude started pulling up stats on his phone like it was a courtroom trial, you calmly reached for the last piece of garlic bread and leaned over to Jobe.

“Think they’ll still be arguing when we’re doing the dishes?”

Jobe snorted. “They’ll still be arguing when we’re in bed.”

You raised your glass. “To generational football beef.”

“Cheers to that.” ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

The type to carry your bag for you but tease you about how much stuff you packed. “Babe, are you moving there permanently or what?”

Matching airport fits because he swears y’all gotta travel in style. You take a mirror selfie before every flight.

Wants to do everything—from luxury experiences to acting like tourists with a paper map, he’s down for it all.

Takes the most ridiculous tourist pictures—poses dramatically in front of monuments, acts like a travel vlogger, and films you for memories.

If you go out for drinks by the beach, he’ll pull you onto his lap, arm around your waist, being extra touchy because vacation Jude has no self-control.

──────────────────────────────────────────

⭐︎ The sun was dipping low over the ocean, casting everything in that hazy gold glow that made your skin look extra dreamy and Jude absolutely feral. A salty breeze kissed your shoulders as the two of you sat out on the deck of a little beach bar—barefoot, slightly tipsy, with music playing low in the background and a half-melted daiquiri in your hand.

Jude was already watching you like you were the sunset, his fingers lazily tracing your thigh under the table.

You raised a brow. “You good, Bellingham?”

Without answering, he reached out, effortlessly pulling you onto his lap like it was second nature. His arm wrapped around your waist, his other hand flattening on your bare thigh.

“Mmm, better now,” he murmured, nose brushing your jaw as he pressed a soft kiss to the curve of your neck.

You laughed, sipping your drink with one hand, the other resting on the back of his head. “You’re so clingy on vacation.”

“Can’t help it,” he said, grinning against your skin. “You wear sundresses and lip gloss and expect me to behave?”

“You never behave.”

He shrugged, pressing another kiss to your shoulder this time, slower, more deliberate. “Not when you’re this close. Not when it’s just us. Not when you’re mine.”

You felt him smile against your skin as he added, “Also, I’m a few sips away from carrying you back to our room and forgetting this bar exists.”

You rolled your eyes, pretending to be unimpressed—but you stayed right there in his lap, happily tangled in him, letting vacation Jude be as extra and touchy as he wanted.

Because honestly? You liked him just like this. ⭐︎

extra...

⭐︎ You’d just gone to the bar to grab another drink for Jude—mostly because he gave you that look and said, “Baaaabe, I can’t feel my legs,” which was code for I don’t want to move, please and thank you.

So you went. Alone. For two minutes.

And that’s apparently all it took.

“Didn’t expect to see someone like you out here,” said a guy in a too-tight shirt and mirrored sunglasses, leaning a little too close as you waited on the bartender. “You local?”

You offered the most polite fake smile known to humankind. “Nope. Just here with my boyfriend.”

“That so?” he smirked, like that was an invitation instead of a boundary. “Bet he doesn’t appreciate you the way—”

“Yeah, she’s definitely here with her boyfriend,” came Jude’s voice—calm, cool, but edged with that warning tone you’d learned to recognize instantly.

You turned, relief flooding through you at the sight of him—shirt slightly open, curls messy from the wind, and sunglasses pushed up onto his head. Beach Jude was already fine, but possessive beach Jude? Whole other level.

He slipped his arm around your waist without missing a beat and tugged you back into his chest like he was reclaiming what was his. “You alright, love?” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple, then shooting the guy a tight smile. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

The other guy mumbled something and slunk off. You didn’t even clock where—too busy looking up at Jude’s smug, satisfied smirk.

“You’re so dramatic,” you whispered, unable to hide your grin.

He shrugged, rubbing slow circles into your hip with his thumb. “You like it.”

You leaned in close, brushing your lips just beside his. “I really do.”

And when the bartender handed you the drinks, Jude took yours, nodded in thanks, then leaned down and whispered in your ear, “Let’s go back. I’ve got… ideas.”

Vacation Jude had no self-control.

And you were absolutely fine with that. ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

Snowball fights—he doesn’t hold back. But if he accidentally hits you too hard? Immediate guilt mode. “Babe, I’m sorry, come here—wait, don’t hit me back!”

Cuddles in front of the fireplace—warm blankets, his arms wrapped around you, pressing lazy kisses to your forehead.

Hot cocoa dates where he lets you steal sips of his, even though you definitely have your own.

Probably the type to Immediately jumps on the bed when you enter the hotel room.

──────────────────────────────────────────

⭐︎ The moment the hotel room door clicked shut behind you, you barely had time to toe off your sandals before—

Thud.

Jude was already starfished in the middle of the bed, arms and legs spread out like he’d claimed a whole kingdom.

“Bags down, shoes off, I am one with the mattress,” he mumbled dramatically into the plush hotel duvet. “Don’t even think about moving me.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You had one job. One. Put the key card in the light slot. Where’s the light—Jude!”

He peeked up, grinning like the menace he was. “I got distracted by how soft this bed is.”

“Mmhm. And the fact that you sprinted like a child?”

“Listen,” he said, rolling over and propping his head up with one arm. “It’s not a vacation till I belly flop onto a hotel bed. It’s tradition.”

You just shook your head, flicked the light on, and padded over to the edge of the bed.

“I’m not moving,” he warned. “This is now my spot.”

“You’re literally in the middle.”

“My spot.”

“You’re impossible,” you said, climbing onto the bed anyway, knees pressing into the comforter as you tried to navigate around his limbs.

He instantly grabbed you, pulling you down into his chest with zero effort.

“See?” he said smugly, voice muffled against your neck. “Comfy, right?”

You groaned into his curls. “You’re annoying.”

“You love me though.”

You rolled your eyes, but your hand was already in his hair. “Unfortunately.”

He chuckled, all warm and smug, and nuzzled into you. “We should order room service.”

“It’s 2 a.m.”

“I know,” he yawned. “You want fries or waffles?”

You smiled into his shoulder, sleep already tugging at your eyes. “Both.” ⭐︎

───────────────────────────────

Takes mirror selfies with you in the big bathroom, flexing like an influencer.

When it’s time to leave, Jude always gets a little sad, holding you close before the flight back. “Can we just stay here forever?” and then you remind him that he has training

Posts an Instagram dump of your trip, and his caption is always something cute like “My favorite person.”

[hannahdalaney-blog]

It can't be that easy

Daryl Dixon x plus-size reader

You could tell Daryl liked you before he ever said anything. The way his face lit up when he talked to you. The fact that he talked to you alone was enough to prove his feelings. Sticking to his usual people but adding you to the list along the way.

He would also bring you little gifts he found on runs. Cute little stuffed animals or maybe just a notebook. At first it was about giving you something but then it turned more into just a reason to talk to you. But he liked the grateful look on your face and your thanks anyways.

Carol was teasing you about it everyday, though she probably teased him more. A blush spread across your face as everyone else chimed in. He was that obvious.

"You know, words work too." he brought you a teddy bear with the words I love you stitched in the belly.

"Not good with words." you smile at him. He's so cute.

He waited at least a month to kiss you. You thought he was the type of guy to jump you as soon as he could. Daryl waited until it was just the two of you alone in the dark. Moving slowly as he gets closer and closer it was painfully slow leaving you to rush in.

You could tell he was surprised, his blue eyes widening a little. But you just smile against his lips enjoying his shyness. Not that he was shy for long. His rough hands cupping your face, pulling you closer to him. His tongue sliding across your bottom lip getting you to open up.

From then on he was much more affectionate with his touch. Never around anyone else just when it's the two of you. You never followed the same rules but kept it pg, jut to show he was yours. He thought it was funny that you got so jealous. Even going as far as scoffing every time you said someone was looking at him for too long.

"Im serious, you're too handsome." you sigh, looking actually troubled. It made him smile that you thought he was handsome.

"Don't matter." you had to learn very early in your relationship that you would have to read between the lines. Daryl almost never outright said what he meant you always had to dicier his code.

It was part of the fun.

// hi guys ive been feeling a little writers block so sorry for all the blurbs 😔

[cosmic-evening]

ᯓ★ in love with my future

hawks x gn!reader; angst no comfort.

based on my future by billie eilish

a/n: request from the lovely @bluebouquetharmony! i accidentally deleted your request and idk how to get it back im so sorry 😭 but thank you so much for it!! i hope this does u justice

mha m.list | gen m.list

hawks can't seem to focus.

ever since he was six, he'd been training under the hero public safety commission. he can't remember a lot of it, opting to just go through the motions every day. he's never felt the need to talk to anyone other than his mentors. sure, a lot of people his age were training alongside him, but the commission always told him not to waste his time.

"you're going to be the best, hawks. don't you want to be like endeavor? he never wasted his time with useless extras."

so hawks never did.

until you.

you started at the commission quite a bit older than the usual kids. when you walked in, he found himself staring. he felt the sudden urge to talk to you. to be your friend.

he'd never felt like this before. struggling to push the feeling down, he hurriedly looks away before you catch him staring.

a week into your training, hawks breaks his resolve.

he walks up to you during lunch one day.

"hi, i'm hawks. mind if i sit here?"

you look up, surprised that hawks, who you always found to be cold and intimidating, had talked to you.

"hey, i'm l/n. and sure, you can sit." you move over, giving him some room.

you're a little confused. when you arrived, people had told you not to bother hawks. "he's dead serious about this," they said. "he wants to be the next endeavor or something."

but really, you think, as hawks eats his sandwich, some of the sauce lingering on the corners of his lips, he's not all that bad.

slowly, but surely, you become hawks' best friend. you spend every breaktime together. you train together, something hawks previously never did with anyone else other than his mentor. he tutors you, you make sure he eats every day.

no one understands how you did it. the commission is not happy you provided a distraction in hawks' life.

months go by, and the two of you become a little more than friends. you both agreed to keep it a secret: the commission was not happy as it was. but the two of you were skilled in stealth training. it was easy to slip the commission's notice.

it's after a long day of training, and you're tangled in hawks' bedsheets together, when he says it.

"i love you, y/n."

it's decisive. like he's sure, that he's waited a long time to say this.

you smile softly.

"i love you too, hawks."

he breaks out in a smile too, then holds your hand in his own.

"please," he whispers, "call me keigo."

there's a wobble in his voice. you knew that the commission had told him not to tell anyone his real name. mentally, you pocket this information in your head.

"i love you too, keigo."

your relationship lasts two months. it turns out that your stealth training needed some work.

all good things come to an end, you think, as the hero public safety commissioner drags you away from keigo's room.

the two of you had just been in bed, about to go to sleep, when two security guards had barged in and dragged you away.

you'd been found out.

your terrified stare meets keigo's.

if you hadn't let your guard down, would things be different? if you hadn't snuck your way into keigo's room so often, would they have ever found out?

you keep your eyes trained on keigo's heartbroken expression, trying not to wince at the security guard's fingers digging into your shoulder. the commissioner has her cold glare fixed on you, her arms barely restraining keigo from running to you.

"sorry," she sneers, as you get dragged out of the building. "he should be in love with his future, not you."

[aothotties]

Dont Piss Me Off- Sukuna

📸:villain_lady on IG

pairing: Sukuna x fem!reader

CW: established relationship, angry sex, rough sex, cnc kinda???, ass/pussy slapping, dom!sukuna, unprotected sex, creampie, mentions breeding, pet names, lil tiny fluff at the end

wc: 1.8k

You tried your best to stay calm but the fact that you spent the whole day cleaning the house while your boyfriend, Sukuna, did nothing had your blood boiling 

He typically helped and you both split the chores evenly but today he played his game the whole. Fucking. Day

Tears stung your eyes as you continued folding laundry. You wanted to walk into the room so bad, tear the game off the dresser, and toss it out the window but you knew the best thing to do was to try and talk it out calmly 

After you finished the laundry you walked in the room and decided to confront him

“Sukuna, we need to talk” you said with your arms crossed

He didn't even look away from his game to acknowledge you

“Im serious we need to talk,now” you raised your voice as you spoke 

“Yeah okay, in a minute Y/N i'm in the middle of this right now” he said as he continued to stare at the screen in front of him. 

That shit pushed you to your breaking point. After working hard all day making sure your house is spotless he had the audacity to brush you off??

“See this is the shit I'm talking about. Fuck you ,Sukuna, you do nothing but piss me off” you stated plainly even though you were fighting back tears

He finally looked up from the game and shit you a puzzled look. He was shocked to hear you cursing at him, something you rarely ever did.

You were glad that he was finally acknowledging you but the fact that it took you getting loud made you even angrier.

“You're pathetic. You seriously mean to tell me I have to talk to you like this to get your attention? Fucking ridiculous”

You turned to leave to room so you could take a minute to breathe but sukuna stood up and grabbed your arm

“What's your problem?” he asked while he held onto you 

“Don't touch me!” you yelled as you tried to push him with your free hand 

He quickly grabbed your other arm and lightly pinned both of them to your side so you couldn't move. You tried to get out of his grasp but he was too strong. You sighed in defeat and looked up at your boyfriend, tears running down your face 

“I have spent the whole entire day cleaning” you said between sniffs, “and not once did you get off your stupid game to help me”

“Why didn't you just ask me to help” he asked bluntly and shrugged his shoulders

His response did nothing but bring back your anger. You couldn't stand how nonchalant he was being. 

You tried getting out of his grip again and tried to push him away 

“The fuck off me suku-”

“Stop talking to me like that” he said, cutting you off

“No, you made me mad. You didn't do shit all day now you're acting like it's not a big deal. Boy fuck you!” you said angrily 

“Y/N” he spoke softly, “i'm going to ask you one more time to not talk to me like that. We can talk about this calm-”

It was now your turn to cut him off 

“Fuck talking calm! I tried coming in here to talk to you calmly and you ignored me. Now that I gotta get loud it's an issue? I dont give a fuck i really dont”

Sukuna looked down at you and clenched his jaw. The grip he had on both of your wrists tightened and he used his body to press you against the wall.

He hated when you talked to him like this. It was the one thing that he hated the most about you fighting with him. Cursing in your everyday talk never bothered him but cursing at him? He hated it 

He dropped one of your wrists and grabbed your jaw to force you to look up at him.

“I just told you not to curse at me but you still do it” he said through clenched teeth

“And I told you I don't care,” you mumbled. It was hard for you to speak with his hand on your jaw 

The grip tightened and you knew you wouldn't be able to respond anymore. You tried pushing him off you one more time but to no avail. Your large boyfriend was not budging.

Sukuna’s eyes darkened and he sighed out in frustration 

“You just can't listen, can you? You refuse to talk to me in a calm manner and now it’s come to this” he moved his face closer to yours as he spoke 

“Get on the bed right now” he commanded 

You tried to speak to say no but the grip he still held on your jaw made it impossible. You shook your head no and never broke eye contact with him.

No matter the circumstance you loved challenging Sukuna. You always liked to see how far you could push him.

He wasn't in the mood for your shit. He took your arm and dragged you to the bed and threw your body onto it as if you were a ragdoll.

“Don't piss me off Y/N” he said aggressively 

Your anger turned to lust and all your feelings rushed to your cunt. He had pissed you off by ignoring you but your attitude pissed him off even more and you knew exactly what you were going to get in return.

Sukuna flipped you onto your stomach and crawled over you. He grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled it so that you were looking up at him 

“You know i don't like when you don't listen, Y/N” he said to you 

“And i don't care” you said back, knowing it would push him over the edge  

He kissed his teeth and pushed your head down. He got off the bed and removed his shorts and briefs. His hard dick sprung out and you squirmed in anticipation of what was about to happen to your body.

He harshly smacked your ass causing it to sting.

 “stop moving” he said before grabbing your shorts and pulling them off in one swift motion, taking your soaking wet panties off with them.

He roughly grabbed your hips and lifted your ass in the air. Your pussy was on full display in front of him. He could see just how wet you were as your pussy throbbed around nothing 

He gave your cunt a harsh smack and you hissed from the pain mixed with pleasure.

Sukuna got back on the bed behind you and lined his bright pink tip with your needy hole. 

He shoved his whole length in you, not even giving you a chance to adjust to his size. He groaned as he quickly bottomed out.He wasted no time and began fucking you harshly. His hips slapped hard against your ass with each thrust. 

Your walls were clenching around him causing him to moan. You were a mess under him 

“Su-sukuna, fuck!” you whined out 

Your moans were answered with yet another hard smack on your ass, you were sure it would leave a print

“Don't speak, i don't want to hear your voice again” he said as he fucked into you harder 

The large vein that ran down the length of his thick shaft was rubbing you in that sweet spot that drove you insane 

You continually fought the urge to whine and tell your boyfriend how close you are. You felt your body get hot and your climax grew deeper in your core. 

Your whole body shook as you reached your climax. You wanted to scream but your very mean boyfriend already told you not to speak and you can't imagine the punishment you’d receive if you disobeyed him.

You let out a small whimper as you reached the end of your orgasm. Sukuna laughed at how you were shaking and whining.

He aggressively grabbed your body and flipped you onto your back. He grabbed your thighs and pushed them up to your chest then slid his dick back into your aching cunt 

You bit your lip to try and stop your moans but he leaned down right above your face

“Go ahead mama, you can whine for me” he spoke before placing a sloppy kiss on your lips 

“Daddy, right there!” you whined out. Your boyfriend was hitting your sweet spot again and you knew you would cum quickly for him again

One thing about sukuna, he made sure you always had more than one orgasm for him.

He pressed his weight onto you and shoved his dick in you deeper. His tip was abusing your cervix 

“d-daddy , i can't take it!”, tears formed in your eyes as you looked up at him, hoping he’d give your body some mercy 

“Now the little princess can't take it,hm? The way you were talking earlier made me think you could take it. Where's that attitude now baby?” his voice was low as he hovered right above your face 

No matter how much you begged Sukuna didn't let up one bit. He continued to give your cunt deep, hard strokes. You whined and cried under him and it gave him motivation to keep going 

You felt your orgasm building once again, “im so close daddy” you cried out

“Mhm mama cum for daddy”, he groaned in response 

Your legs shook violently as you came undone for your boyfriend. His strokes became erratic meaning he was nearing his own climax

“Want me to fuck a baby into you?” he asked as he started speeding up 

He knew you were on birth control but you both loved the idea of breeding when you were having sex. You loved the way it feels when he fills you up

You nodded in response to his question. He leaned down and gave you a messy kiss. His tongue intertwined with yours and he groaned in your mouth.

Sukuna reached his climax and shot hot ropes into you. He put your legs down and slowly slid out of you 

He laid next to you and wrapped his arms around your body as you both came down from your high.

He placed a soft kiss on your temple, “im sorry baby i was distracted by my game and completely let it slip my mind that today is cleaning day” he pulled you in closer and placed more kisses all over your face 

He then got up out of the bed and slipped his clothes back on. He walked back over to the bed and put the blanket on you 

“Just lay down okay, I'll put away all the laundry and wash the dishes. You want korean bbq tonight?”

“Yes please. And i'm sorry for yelling at you” you said as you looked at him with a sad expression 

“It’s okay mama I should have listened” he leaned over and gave you a kiss then he left the room and closed the door behind him as he walked out 

You laid in bed and dozed off as your boyfriend finished the chores.

Rachel

[bedoballoons]

I HAD THIS IDEA WHILE LISTENING TO "SAVAGE" im going back to my gacha phase

there's this one lyric

"Give me a reason to stay"

So sumeru boys getting into a fight w their s/o and they don't give her a chance to intervene and inform them that she had to move away from sumeru (for work or anything)

İ need angst

After that they don't talk for a few days and boom

They feel bad and decide's apologize their s/o only to find her home empty and catch her getting ready to leave sumeru that day! Wowie

Also grim reaper xiao is lookin fine 🤭

-💤

AHH that's so sad!! I love it!! Apologies for not answering sooner!! Thank you for your request and I hope you enjoy! <3

Why thankyou~

─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃

{༻~Give me a reason to stay~༺}

CW: Angsty! Mentions of a past fight, characters beg you to stay, reader leaves anyway!

(Includes: Tighnari, Alhaitham, Kaveh, Wanderer, and Cyno!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

𑁍༄Tighnari:

"I don't want to yell anymore!"

Tighnari covered his ears, his voice like a earthquake in his own head...and that look on your face, a horrid memory of the fight you had, he still didn't know what you were trying to tell him and now it has been days since you'd even said a word to him. If he had just listened...if the two of you had just talked...

"Stop..you're only beating yourself up, just go talk to them...apologize." He muttered to himself quietly, trying to find the courage to actually knock on your door after standing there for at least ten minutes...it was starting to seem like a lost cause. "Just knock...how will you ever make up other wise just kn-"

He got cut off mid sentence when the door suddenly swung open, revealing you with suitcases in your hands and your normal living room completely barren.."Tighnari? What...what are you doing here?" You looked away, unable to meet his eyes...you felt guilty for not telling him you were leaving, but he never gave you the chance..

"I-i wanted to apologize, I feel terrible about what happened...are...are you leaving? Where are you going?"

"Tighnari...I'm moving, out of Sumeru..."

"No...no wait don't move, I can apologize more, we can talk about this..."

"I..." You wanted to say something else, but your friend started calling out to you, warning you that if you didn't leave now you'd be late, "Thank you for apologizing Tighnari...I...I gotta go." He watched you hurry away and he just stood there, dumbfounded, like he'd just seen a ghost..a ghost of the relationship he held so dear to his heart...

𑁍༄Alhaitham:

Alhaitham sighed, standing in your yard with a perplexed expression...how had Kaveh actually talked him into this? He himself had no idea how to apologize...what to say to make up for the way he acted, the screaming and hurtful words...the tears that rolled down your cheeks when you stomped off...how did you fix something so emotional and serious?

He waited there for a couple more minutes, hoping to catch you walking out or getting home, but when that didn't work...he resorted to knocking. "Hello? Are...you in there? I...want to talk." He listened to your footsteps growing closer, remembering when you'd try to sneak up on him while he was reading and he'd always hear you...he just wanted things to go back the way they were..

The second you opened the door he knew the situation was far more serious than he had imagined, your things stored away in boxes...your suitcases packed, this wasn't some trip...you were leaving. "...You're moving?"

"I wanted to tell you..but we were fighting you didn't give me the chance."

"I don't want you to leave."

"It's to late Alhaitham..."

"Wait..." He tried to grab your hand...but the door closed in his face, with you on the other end trying to calm yourself...

𑁍༄Kaveh:

Kaveh held the flowers closer to his chest, knocking over and over on your door, praying that you'd open it...that you'd forgive him. He felt terrible, he couldn't eat or sleep, the only thing he could think about was your eyes..the tears that welled in them when he had raised his voice. Even flowers wouldn't be enough to fully forgive him and he knew that, but just...hearing your voice, seeing you...talking would help.

"Helloooo?" He leaned over, peeking into your window...his face going pale, all of your things... were gone? No that couldn't be right, had he gone to the wrong house somehow? He started to panick, peeking through other windows of previous residence....freaking out the neighbors, but mostly, finding that every room was the same. Any trace of you had vanished.

"Kaveh? What are you doing?"

His head snapped in your direction, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you, "You're not gone, thank gosh. I thought maybe you had moved away and I'd never see you again..."

"... Kaveh I am moving away."

"What...but why..."

"I have a business offer, to good to pass up...I was going to tell you, but everything happened and we were yelling...so I took it. I came back here to return the keys and saw everyone looking over here."

"...oh. Is there anyway I can..convince you to-"

"No Kaveh...I think...we need the time apart."

He took a step back, racking his brain for something to say...even as you walked away from him and it started to rain...he just...wanted a way to make you stay. Just a chance.

𑁍༄Wanderer:

Wanderer stood at your door, looking at it like it could jump at him any moment, he wanted to apologize, for the argument for everything but it was all just...so hard!, "Ughh! Why did I have to get into a stupid relationship, why did I have to like them...why...ugh...why do I have to love them....so much." He punched the wall, biting his lip as he knocked on your door, only for it to slowly creak open.

"Hey..I know you're probably still upset with me and I...deserve it, but I'm going to be pathetic and apologize, because...I don't want to loose...you?" He started speaking to you even though you were already gone, shocked to see the sight of your empty house. Realization hit him like a ton of bricks, "Shit."

He ran, flying over everything and anything that got in his way, he'd stop you. He would let you leave. No, he needed to apologize, to make you stay. "Wait! No wait!!" He called out to you, your eyes locking with his for just a moment...just a moment and then you got into the boat, while he stood there...

If he had a heart...it would have been broken...

𑁍༄Cyno:

For once, Cyno didn't feel like telling a joke... playing tcg, right now he just wanted to apologize, give justice where it was due. He wanted to explain his actions, he wanted you back...he wanted to be together again and stop the silence. He didn't even know how to start solving the argument, but he figured talking...would probably help, so thats how he had ended up on your doorstep, waiting patiently for you to open the door..

He knocked again...and again, but nothing. He was just about to turn around, convinced it was a lost cause, when suddenly a paper landed at his feet, his heart racing with excitement...this could be his chance to talk to you, although he want sure why you didn't just open the door instead...

He opened the letter despite that and as he read it...his heart sank,

Cyno,

I know I should just talk to you, but saying this... it would be to hard, to upsetting. Before we had started arguing, I had planned to tell you I was moving...family reasons. I'm...I'm sorry, I wish you could have had more of a warning, but as you read this I'm already making my way out the back door...

Goodbye..

He ran to the backside of the house, but you'd already left...he was alone, with nothing but a letter you'd wrote and a guilt he'd never be able to shake until he saw you again...

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

◥(•̀￦•́)◤☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ☾𖤓~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧

[luvyeni]

Sorry if you have alot of other reqs but when you have time, may you write about haechan lifting his hand to fix his hair or something during an argument but you think he's going to hit you so you flinch but when he tries to comfort you, you walk away

"oh my god , get over it already , she didn't mean any harm." your boyfriend yelled , you guys had been arguing ever since you returned home from your night out with friends.

"haechan , are you serious , she was all over you , everyone at the table was uncomfortable." you argued back , haechans old childhood friend had returned and she joined you guys — of course you didn't mind it , you loved meeting his friends, but she made it real obvious that she didn't like you , nor did she respect your relationship.

ignoring you when you spoke , or talking over you , not to mention she wasn't even subtly with her flirting with haechan. "she is always like that , she's always been touchy." he said , not really seeing the point of your childish outburst. "haechan , you barely said anything to me tonight , and now your disregarding my feelings." he scoffed.

"is this because i didn't give you all my attention , goddamn it y/n you're acting like a child !" your eyes widened , he never raised his voice at you , knowing how in previous relationships your partners would often yell at you , he never wanted to feel like you did before.

"it's not about th— give it a fucking rest y/n !" you didn't even mean to , but when you saw his hand go up , it was just like muscles memory to step back , flinching.

"did you think i was going to hit you?" he said , letting his arms fall to his sides. "did you seriously think i was gonna hit you?" he moved closer you. "i would never hit you baby , i'm not him , i swear." he felt really bad , the way your eyes glassed over with tears.

"baby , please , please don't cry im sorry." he went to hug you , but you held your hand up , stopping him. "don't touch me." your voice was shaky , scared. "please just don't touch me." he didn't move , not wanting to make things worse.

"i'll go stay with a friend tonight , i don't want to be here right now." you got off the bed , grabbing your bag. "please don't go." you guys rarely fought like this , and even if you did , you never left , you always worked it out.

he could only watch you pack up your things , not saying anything, not even sparing him a glance before you walked out.

he seriously fucked up...

[youremyheaven]

Princess here. Hey babe how are you?

I feel like you're the only anon left here 🤭🤣

I currently have a slight cold and feel a bit out of it but I'm going to use this opportunity to do a bit of an inventory for 2024 as it is the end of the year. If anyone's interested, you can do the same and drop me askszz

Things I did in 2024:

1. Moved away from the place I lived in for 8 years 😭

2. Grew my hair down to my ass and then cut it chest length??? (My first haircut in like 3 years??)

Not all growth is meant to stay. Sometimes we grow in ways that help us protect ourselves during difficult circumstances but you can't live wearing your armour 24/7, so it's important to shed the layers we've accumulated every once in a while (me philosophising the heck out of my hairdresser telling me my hair is damaged and needs to lose length lmao 😭😂)

3. I cut off friendships I'd maintained for 8 ish years. Just because something has lasted a long time doesn't mean it has to stay. Especially if things aren't working out.

Don't tolerate disrespect and don't hold on just for the sake of it.

4. I went to therapy for 3-4 months and then I quit therapy

I needed it at that time but I'm also glad I quit when I did because I felt myself microanalysing everything through therapy speak and it wasn't healthy lol

5. I went back to my ex after 6 years and then it gave me the reality check I needed and I promptly left him

6. I dated someone who treated me like a princess but still somehow didn't respect me or value me lmao (yes, they exist)

7. A friend I had for a long ish time behaved inappropriately with me when he was drunk and despite having a gf, told me he thinks I'm hot etc etc this cemented my belief that men and women could perhaps never actually be friends

8. I started abusing substances after being sexually abused.

I never thought I'd have a substance addiction era bc that's sooo not me like no one would ever think I was a chainsmoker but that was the lowest point of my life this year. I didn't brush, shower, eat or even get out of bed for weeks. I stayed high and drunk bc I felt so unsafe in my body and was dissociating severely. I'm so glad to have recovered from it and move past it and to have had someone in my life who held my hand through that journey bc it was messy asf and I have sooo much compassion for people who stay stuck in that loop for years and lose so much of their time, like I completely get how easy it is to lose yourself entirely

9. Adult relationships are so different??

I wish I had been in a relationship in my early 20s or when I was in college so that I could get a little bit of a crash course on this stuff and not feel so overwhelmed by expectations bc im already 24 and things start getting serious at this age 😭😭

But I'm also glad I stayed single throughout college bc it really helped me solidify my own identity and understand who I am, what I want and what I expect. I think 18-22 are very personality cementing years and I'm kinda glad that my personality wasn't shaped by a romantic relationship even if I was madly in love with someone all those years (unrequited, one sided stuff). The act of being in love with someone unconditionally like that has perhaps altered me in ways I can't even express but I'm glad there's no trauma or drama to recall from that experience

10. What someone tells you when they're angry is exactly what they've been thinking of all this while.

11. I make my own money??? And pay my own bills??? And I have a job that I like??

12. You don't know a person until you live with them. Don't ever marry anyone you haven't lived with 🫡🫡

13. Sex is nothing special without love

14. Had really good sex and really bad sex

15. Met new people, made new friends

16. I modelled??? I've done a couple of photoshoots now??

17. Had ₹80 left in my bank account and still somehow survived

18. I learnt to cook and I loveeee to cook now

19. I got a tattoo!!!

20. I got many more piercings

21. I resolved a 1.5 year long "crush" twin flame esque situation I had with a guy

22. I travelled 💛

23. Built a new identity for myself 🫡

24. Restarted my creative journey

25. Lost touch with myself and then now I'm finally going home to me

[variousqueerthings]

something i havent seen (im sure it's out there i just havent seen it) is that while a part of louis and claudia's relationship is of course very much framed by how claudia is constantly made to be in second place to louis' romantic partners (who are also not good to her or to louis) is the way that they're family, and it's complicated, but ultimately - i think - a positive family for one another, rather than the kind of family you leave and never speak to again if you can help it (that would be lestat...)

whether louis is father/mother/uncle/brother, he's not really "friend," (and vice versa, claudia as child/niece/sister) and so there's always going to be a specific dynamic that is complicated in the way the family you grow up with is complicated, and is even more complicated because using any of those words is technically incorrect and they fully had lives before they met, but for the sake of this particular read i think this fits closest. caretaker, perhaps

the point is - and it's not something i can make particularly coherently at the moment - related to how i feel about my siblings (esp my younger siblings) vs how i feel about other people in my life. my siblings simply are, whether or not we get on all the time, whether i feel sad or not that our lives have grown apart since adulthood, whether or not other people in their and my life take precedence during particular times (which can take many different forms -- for them more romantic, for me more community related, the language for where we're going in life just looks different than it did when we were kids)

when louis lets claudia down, but at the same time promises "you and me/me and you" those two things aren't paradoxical to one another, because there is a certain "taking for granted" that can happen -- claudia is always going to be there, just like louis assumes he will also simply be there, while at the same time having that jealousy and expectation that comes with his being older than her that she'll always depend on him to an extent (and she does, but he maybe doesn't take into account how much he depends on her, because being older/feeling like he has "the responsibility" while also suffering serious mental health issues... lotta mess he puts on her shoulders, as we can see)

when claudia joins the coven that takes away louis' feeling of being of use anymore, he doesn't define himself outside of claudia ("if there was no me...") -- and also outside of lestat/his romantic relationships but that's a different post -- and claudia is moving on, but look, armand is there, claudia's got what she wants, louis got something, and they're both still there (am also reminded of how when claudia comes back in s1, it's explicitly once she sees louis sobbing over his grave when his sister declares him dead)

the idea of claudia not being there terrifies louis, he experienced that loss twice in new orleans, once when she left and didn't come back for years, and once when lestat forced her back immediately, and then again the idea of it when she joins the coven (but then he pulls himself back from the edge of letting armand kill him when he fears for her life) and then in a big way when she goes with madeleine, and he knows they're better together than he could ever be for her, but she's still his in that sibling/parent/caretaker feeling kind of way, and this is a loss even though it's important, and also, with being a vampire, she possibly could have still eventually circled back every 100 years or so -- such is the nature of family. they're still there, even if you don't see them for a very long time

and now, finally, forever. claudia is no longer there

im just. yes, louis let her down. but he let her down like you let your family down, by assuming that no matter what, they were a given. claudia can't simply... not be there anymore... she's his family. you argue and you make up and you fuck up and you forgive and you're still there, no matter how messed up you feel or how much you grow apart

she's so right in asking that question: who is louis outside of her? but not just because louis has had the worst luck in life (human and vampire) and been unable to form himself specifically because of *waves hands at everything,* but also because when you see yourself as a caretaker (whether or not you're doing a good job of it), who are you when that person wants to move on from you, doesn't need you in the way you want to be needed, when that person perhaps leaves your life for good?

[co5oo]

Hey, me again!

I totally agree with everything you said. The show does talk about very serious topics, even if all of it is then excuse and red conned to soccer- and I do agree that it's a bit too much, sometimes. You're so right mentionning the war plot line, but also, can we talk about it's not even just soccer

It's JUNIOR soccer

Isn't there any adult team who could fight against aliens instead of kids?

But to come back to Kidou and Kageyama, yes, I 100% agree with everything you said. It's a deeply unhealthy co dependent relationship, and while Kidou obviously can not be held accountable for this, he's a child, Kageyama is an adult and to me cannot be excused for anything he did. I'm always struck by how obsessive he is with Kidou, to such a level it's actually creepy, even if the show often brush over it because ~soccer~. Like, he literally tried to RECREATE him through another child! Keeps calling him his "greatest creation", and begging him to come back to him! If all of it was not a subplot to reinforce the message of the power of friendship, it would be actually frightening. Imagine a grown ass man being so obsess with a boy that he keeps trying to recreate him. Imagine playing the sport you're so passionnated about with a carbon copy of yourself on the field, except it's the version of yourself in the darkest moments of your life. Horrifying.

And Kidou is utterly terrified of him, once he's out of Teikoku- actually, he already was terrified by Kageyama at the very beginning of the show. I remember him covering away, clutching his old magazine against him, trying to back of from his poor excuse of a coach. And once he's out, damn, if the show was actually aimed at more mature audience- what we see already strongly reminds me of PTSD, you know, when he keeps seeing Kageyama everywhere, looking, following and talking to him, and how it completely wrecks his usual reasonnable mindset. It's brushed over too quickly, once again, and it's so obvious he's not at all over that terrible relation he has with this man

And of course Kageyama dies before he gets to fully sort it out, and all Kidou has left is this leftover of fear, mixed with the impression of still owning that awful man everything. It's heartbreaking to me that we see him keep the glasses, like he's forever keeping with him part of Kageyama, and never, therefore, truly shaking his hold off of himself. We never get to see the aftermath, of course, because ina11 is not about that, but dang it's a shame.

I would absolutely love to hear every thoughts you have about Kidou, too!! Like, your headcanons, for example? The plot points you're most interested in? I'm taking anything, really, as I'm joining you in the autistic hyperfixation, ahah

first of all i wanna say i am absolutely astonished at the fact that i finally found someone that i 100% agree on every single point of view regarding kidou and that someone is you. congratulations we are brain twins

second, the ask is already long (WHICH I GREATLY APPRECIATE, SERIOUSLY), so just click on read more to see my reply (its to not clog people's feeds!)

KEEP IN MIND WHAT YOURE ABOUT TO READ IS 90% PERSONAL HEADCANON. i do try to link it to canon as much as possible tho.

well, from all what you said i have not much more to add because, again, its a carbon copy of my kidou interp. actually insane. im very happy! except maybe for the last part but I'll leave it for later

im just gonna talk about my 😁😁 my son whom i love!!! in a general way

first of all getting out of the way the basics if you ever see me use they/them for kidou is because my headcanon is nonbinary (he/they/xe, but for simplicity I'll mostly use he in this). second of all, hondureño, bio parents moved to japan for permanent business. 5'3, short king, possibly underweight but fit enough to play and not get exhausted. autistic and schizophrenic. thats the basics for headcanons

heres the not so basics!!!!

kidou yuuto is an extremely complex character and hes only 13. being a complex character and a teen is already a burden. why are you having the mental capacities and developements of an adult bro you should be? watching adventure time and going to bed before 10 pm get SERIOUS. and its because i genuinely believe kidou "matured" way quicker than most his friends (gouenji also has this issue, but less exaggerated). this is for two reasons. one is a personal headcanon and its simply me thinking puberty hit him early-ish 😅. the second one is EVERY single figure of authority in his life has expected things from him that a preteen shouldn't even know about. his step father's insistancy for perfection (might talk more abt that later) and a need for kidou to HURRY AND GROW UP so he can be successful. and of course, the man himself kageyama treating kidou as if he was a completely independent adult for more than one or two reasons... this cycle would kinda stop when he joins raimon. the coaches, both hitomiko and kudou, are strict with him, but thats because theyre GOOD at their job. they can tell between a kid and an grown ass man. i said the cycle would stop, but not break. kidou has already been used to be seen as the grown up of the team of sorts. he's the...the clever one. the one that directs the teammates, that strategises every move. the one in charge, the big man. indirectly and accidentally, his teammates influence this perception of him further. if you notice kidou has a wayy more formal way of talking. the only thing he's more childish in is when he's getting petty revenge (more clearly shown in orion), or..when he's with endou.

endou is probably one of the many keys to kidou's healing and the comfort of sorrows in the series. not completely, of course. but they see this other kid, a ray of sunshine that no matter how bad things get, he never gives up, he always offers a smile, even to his enemies. despite being the same age, endou becomes a role model of sorts for kidou. at first is more some kind of blinding jealousy. ' how come he can be so satisfied with life? why is he okay even when he loses? how is he happy being this imperfect? kidou can't grasp the idea of having a literal polar opposite being their friend, but eventually accepts it. endou offers a light in kidou's life that they have never seen before, and it's so warm and it feels so nice, it's natural kidou would stay with endou even in adulthood. he brings comfort. he picks kidou up when they can't bring themself to get back up. he makes them believe in a newfound sense of community with the team, and an enjoyment that only 13 year olds could have. so kidou can relax more when he's around with endou, or hell, with a good part of the raimon team as a whole.

now, if you go back to the first parragraph, notice how i put mature in quotations. and that's because kidou hasn't ACTUALLY matured at all. he was forcefully shoved into this role of responsibility with no way out, and believed it to be simply that his genius was far beyond the rest. when he's probably average, excluding him probably being high capacities. here's another headcanon that when he reaches 15-16 years old he has one of the biggest burnouts in the history of gifted burnouts. but in the end its not..true. he is not mature, he is hurt, and his best defense is act all "grown up" about it.

aghhh ok theres ONE topic about him. im squishing my brain trying to come up with more in a more or less chronological order......

ok. if i may jab a bit at his friendships, specially regarding the whole thing with shin teikoku in season 2. this small(ish) segment is about the dependency kidou has on his friends. setting aside endou, since i already covered him, im focusing specifically on sakuma and genda. i'll dabble in a bit of fudou too because his dynamic with kidou is a wonder.

mainly the dependancy in question comes from the fact that they all went through the same shit, except kidou suffered it in greater numbers, but still, same issue : some 50 year old guy thinks he can train/manipulate children into killing people via soccer. i am Not exaggerating this i love pointing out always that kageyama actively attempted infanticide (polite reminder. inazuma eleven is STILL a family friendly shonen despite this). so, when confornted with their friends as shin teikoku, kidou can't help but. see himself. that could've been me. that SHOULD'VE been me. remember how he's claiming the guilt for losing against zeus? which is also the reason (kindaaa fudou pulled strings) why sakuma and genda (and some others) decided to accept the alius stone, and brainwashed as they were, took sides with kageyama once again. kidou takes the ENTIRE blame for this thing happening, he even tries to push endou out of it because this is a..teikoku only issue. kidou finds it that his friends were basically the pillar of his crumbling mental state when they were all back at teikoku. he relied on them to perform well in matches so that then he wouldn't be charged with being a bad captain in case something went wrong. and let's be honest here, kidou probably couldn't do a lot of things outside of football without the guidance of his two friends. we also gotta consider, when shin teikoku is happening, genda and sakuma are feeling huuuuge amounts of jealousy towards kidou for being "perfect". the image kidou carefully crafted so that his friends wouldn't be TOO worried about him worked more than better, but at what cost. small summary for this point since its a bit all over the place is. kidou is reliant on his friends, both in soccer and personal life. it causes his friends to worry too much over him and slightly picture him as the centre of attention, which kidou accepts because for him it's the only way which he can mantain the friendship. ooooof course this gets better overtime. im not trying to say his friendship with these two is fake, not at all 🤒 quite the opposite, its just that when you get 3 teens that went thru similar trauma and never heal from it and one keeps dragging the other 2 down subconsciously. well. it needs some fixing.

then comes fudou, and he manages to reverse a gear in kidou's brain, because fudou is BOLD and Direct. and he puts kidou in his place in his own distasteful way, but it works. he also drags along sakuma and genda with him. fudou is like some kind of ' back to reality ' tool. they work together pretty well, unlike with sakuma and genda which is a constant of ' ok i support you and you support me and we support each other and we balance this tower of support so it doesnt topple over except it does, eventually '. with fudou, he grounds kidou, and kidou lifts fudou up. at least thats how i see it.

to not make this post too long I'll cover only one last topic. i think its time we enter kageyama territory.

BOY you dont know how much i could talk about these two. I'll start by saying DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE HOW BARELY ANYONE CARES ABOUT THE LIOCOTT ISLAND ARC??? WHERE HE JUST. FINDS OUT KAGEYAMA IS FREE AND IN THE ISLAND AND HE GOES CRAZY. BECAUSE I THINK THIS IS THE FOCAL POINT OF EVERYTHING at least prior to the match against italy (bullshit episode. because of kidou's subplot. the match was fucking awesome)

i dont see this talked about enough. about kidou feeling GENUINE TERROR at the idea of seeing that man again. and kidou worrying more about what might happen to his friends and teammates MORE THAN WHAT KAGEYAMA COULD DO TO HIM. and then fucking demonio astrada shows up and its like???!?!?!?? his whole. fucking. world crumbles away because suddenly he, HE THE PERFECT CREATION IS REPLACEABLE.

OKAY IM GONNA USE ALL CAPS NOW BECAUSE I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT THIS AND IM GONNA USE PRETTY BLUNT WORDS. KAGEYAMA HAS SUCCESSFULLY MADE A HOLLOW OUT OF KIDOU, SO SO SO EASY TO MANIPULATE ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. HE MANAGES TO MAKE KIDOU THINK THAT THEY WEREN'T ALL THAT IMPORTANT FOR HIM, EVEN AFTER TAKING THEM IN SINCE AGE 8, EVEN AFTER ACTING AS AN ACTUAL PARENT BECAUSE DID YOU KNOW KIDOU'S STEP FATHER ASKED KAGEYAMA TO RAISE THEM??? DID YOU KNOW KIDOU WAS RAISED BY THEIR GROOMER??????? AND DID YOU KNOW KIDOU DEVELOPED AN ATTACHMENT TO KAGEYAMA BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONLY ROLE MODEL THEY COULD LOOK UP TO? BECAUSE HE DID ACTUALLY TEACH THEM EVERYTHING? BECAUSE EVERY EVERYYYY SINGLE ASPECT OF KIDOU'S LIFE HAS BEEN TOUCHED BY KAGEYAMA THERE IS NO TRACE OF KIDOU!!!! THERE'S NO KIDOU!!! IT'S JUST THE VERSION OF KIDOU THAT KAGEYAMA WANTED TO SEE.

...............and that's why i think the whole thing of post-italy match happens so quickly. kageyama suddenly revealing he loves soccer and is actually decent? my ass. yes he does love soccer. yes this hatred and impulsiveness roots from his hatred towards his father. NO, it does NOT justify the acts. it does not justify what kidou went through, only because some GUY couldn't PULL HIS SHIT TOGETHER AND WORK ON HIS DADDY ISSUES

did you notice kageyama projects HEAVILYYY on kidou??? the mentality. ' if i suffered then so he will ' because he sees his younger self in kidou. he also saw it in fideo but he didn't have enough time to groom him before he got killed in an accident ROFL🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪

but yeah.

kidou. forgives kageyama. because what Else can he do? what else could he possibly do? kidou mourns kageyama because who else does he have? he feels lost. he doesn't realise how much pain he's been through, he keeps giving kageyama chance after chance after chance and all kageyama does is break him further and further. and now he's showing a good side. over some italian kid that he met 3 days ago. what did fideo did that kidou didn't? what else can kidou do at that point except. forgiving and forgetting.

so yeah. period.

now, i dont like assuming, but i get the feeling you havent seen inazuma eleven GO? if you have then good, I'll just briefly mention this. spoiler free except for the fact that. drumroll. kageyama is back!!!!! and he's um. normaler? he's not trying to manipulate or kill kids. kinda. he does financially coerce them BUT ANYWAYS.

yes, 10 years later kageyama returns and kidou. Knows that. and he's an adult now, so he can actually be...calm about it. but it just makes you wonder. how does it actually make him feel? knowing it was all left unresolved. knowing kidou didn't have the means to heal or even Realise most of the wrong stuff. did he realise? does he resent kageyama? his thoughts on this in GO are a mysery for me to be honest. i simply assume he's slowly working on getting better.

2 more things. 1. im not gonna talk about aries. its kinda the same shit except kidou isnt there AND THANK GOD. GET AWAY FROM THEM. GET A JOB.

2. you might find it positive that kidou Does eventually shed his goggles. his sister gifts him a different pair. which brings us to our last topic. what does haruna know about all this?

i honestly dont think haruna is even half aware of what Exactly kidou went through. she knows the basics...that he was. bad. and hurt kids. but thats about it. she doesn't know the magnitude in which this man has affected her brother. and we know kidou isn't the most talkative about it. she just...feels that something is wrong. that her brother is different from any other older brothers other people have. and she takes it upon herself to make sure he's ok, even if she doesn't know exactly what she's fighting against.

THATS ALL. THATS ALL!!!! IM DONE. gosh what a ride. 1:20 hours of typing!!!! im also sleep deprived so sorry if some of this doesnt make sense. bleehhhhh thank you for letting me talk about kidou yuuto 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

[woojungz]

gamer bf yujun! 🎮🫧

❝ yujun x gn!reader

𓂃𓈒 something i thought of after watching yujun's daily_x vlog! word count: around 600(◜⁠‿⁠◝)♡ im also trying out the bullet list format in this one !

( likes and reblogs appreciated!♡ )

a thing i didn’t expect from yujun is for him to be a league player like…😭 anyway, i wonder if he also plays other fps games like valorant or whatever. and the biggest question is which character does he main?!

he also mentioned playing terraria and other ps5 games with jinsik

let’s say this whole situation started when you guys have that one hangout together as a couple where the both of you just do your own thing. maybe yujun invited you to his room, you’re just chilling on his bed while he tells you he’s gonna play some pc games.

at first it was completely peaceful, save for a few typing sounds of his keyboard and mouse clicking. your soul almost left your body when the silence was shattered by his sudden scream, snapping your head towards the back of his chair.

and when you go and approach him, he just gives you that cute eye smile of his.

“y/n! i just got a double kill!”

he really just dramatically startled you for that. when he saw you sigh before leaving him alone, he asks you if you wanna try playing together.

“you’ll get it if you try playing this game i promise!”

and that’s how he ended up convincing you to buy your own pc. you also have him to thank for the mess of pc parts scattered all over the floor. yujun wanted it to be a cute couple activity so he asked if you could build your pc together. you agreed, trusting that he knows how all this stuff works.

well, he never actually said he knows how… so he sheepishly smiles at you and rubs his neck shyly. he should be thankful he’s cute or you would’ve tackled him already. oh, and it absolutely did not help that yujun is probably the clumsiest person you know.

when you finally feel like building the pc is in smooth sailing, some random part you need would go missing. just to find out that yujun accidentally sat on it. it was far more stressful than it should be, but yujun was trying his best to cheer you up and remind you of all the games you could play with him once you guys get the thing done.

finally you get the thing built in a day, almost thinking you’re never gonna finish it with him around.

the first time you played fps games with him was such an experience. he lives for the way you panic sometimes that you just freeze on your position and ask him for help, yujun standing behind you as he comes closer and moves your mouse and keyboard by himself. you feel like you’re probably ruining his gaming sessions because everytime you come along, he loses more than he wins matches.

but he doesn’t care about victories in his games rn!! what he really enjoys is the time he’d spent with you, and he tells you he loves gaming more than ever because you’re playing with him!

sometimes the other members would tag along too when you guys play

oh, after school gaming sessions at pc cafes are becoming a frequent thing in your relationship!

and it’s also really really cute to witness yujun being all giggly and excited when starting a game, but then halfway through he’d get serious, brows knitted together and all. such an intense expression on his face, but would startle you sometimes when he cheers after getting a kill or whatever

if you're into chill games, he'd also have fun playing it with you! whether it be stardew valley, animal crossing, or minecraft.

accidentally lets a creeper into your minecraft base

he'd offer to rebuild your base for you but you stop him when you see the huge gap between the taste you have for your minecraft builds. you guys just have contrasting aesthetics when you build your minecraft base.

like you'd be making a cute house on the side while yujun builds his own with diamond blocks.

anyway!! i’d give gamer bf yujun a 10 outta 10, the cutest :(

[watchmegetobsessed]

im thinking of a ceo!harry fic where yn is maybe his assistant, but she always thought he doesn't like her that much, bc he acts cold and rigid. and yn is in a serious relationship and she brings her bf to a company event or something where harry meets her bf and he is just as cold to him, if not even colder. anyway, not long later she gets engaged and when harry sees the ring on her finger he is like "to the guy you brought to the event?" and she is like blushing and so happy as she answers yes but harry looks very grumpy and displeased which she doesn't understand but she just shrugs it off.

the upcoming weeks they end up spending more time together, harry brings her on a business trip and they hang out outside of work, like having dinner and drinks and all that and he is finally less cold and she is actually digging this side of him, but then when they return and her bf picks her up from the airport harry is back to being icy and she doesn't gets it. then maybe its her birthday and her fiancé is out of town so she is not really feeling like celebrating until harry finds out and he basically pulls a whoel party together in just a few hours so she still feels special and she gets a bit drunk and confesses to him something along the lines of "for such a hot and rich guy, you can be such a rigid asshole" and he is actually liking how freely she is talking to him, bc nobody really dares to talk to him like that ever. harry takes her home when she had a lot to drink and she says something like "you know, if i wasn't engaged and you weren't my boss, i would go out with you" and he goes "the second part is not an issue. the first part... you should know that your fiancé..." but she falls asleep so he doesn't say a thing.

but then a few days later she receives a letter saying that her fiancé is full on cheating on her and there are pictures proving and she flips and throws him out and when she's at work harry asks if she is alright and she just starts crying and tells him what she found out about and harry takes her to a bar to let loose a bit and they end up getting cozy, dancing and talking like never before and then harry invites her over to his place and she tries to make a move on him but he is like "i will not let this go any further until you're over your ex" and she goes "it might take a long time" and harry goes "i don't care, i've been waiting for you for years" (basically since she's been working for him) and so she just sleep there at his place and nothing happens.

then in the morning he is out to get her breakfast and she wanders around his place and ends up in his study and finds a folder on his desk with her name on it and when she goes through it it's the pics of her ex cheating on her and there's a copy of the letter she got as well and when harry comes back he is like "let's just talk it out" but she is furious and like "how long have you known? did you hire someone to dig up shit about him? were you having me followed as well?" and harry admits he's had someone following her ex since he met him and e did want to dig up dirt about him but didn't think he would find out he was cheating.

she is mad and leaves and she is so confused, bc she literally just ended things with her ex and then everything happened with harry and now this, she doesn't know what to do. she spends a weekend isolated from everyone and then she goes to work on monday, determined to end the madness.

harry is there already and he begs her to talk and she agrees and he goes "i know that what i did was unethical, but i don't regret it, bc if I didn't do it you might have married a cheater" and she goes "why didn't you just tell me? why did you have to send me the evidence?" and he goes "would have you believed me? after what was going on between us do you think you wouldn't have thought i was just jealous?" and she realises he is right, bc she would have actually thought he was just trying to ruin her relationship.

so they make up and live happily ever after lol

[starcollectorsilas]

I love seeing people compare music to their favourite characters and go like 'oh yeah this verse might be this character... and then this one is the other one... and then this little bit here is them both honestly. Or something like that' because I HAVE gone through every taylor swift song on evermore and folklore and compared it to skk. Sorry to be autistic on the writing account, but this is a fanfic writing account and I'm writing my second novel length fic about them so what did you expect.

folklore/evermore are very canon skk, and verge into fanon and some songs are the reason for very specific head canons, or some of the ways I write the way they perceive each other. 1989... DON'T GET ME STARTED OMFG HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO BLANK SPACE? I THINK IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO NOT HAVE AND OMG IT'S SO SKK CODED LIKE WTF. I HAVE VERY FIRM OPINIONS ABOUT WHICH LYRICS ARE THEIRS. Also the vault tracks literally exist what more do you want from me. 'i think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running and say the one thing I've been wanting' okay dazai pack it up you did that already, beast exists. 'i call my mom sister she said that it was for the best remind myself the more i gave you'd want me less' yeah yeah chuuya we know he left you get over it, it wasn't personal(think that line could go for either of them but the other line 'the way you faded till i left' feels more Dazai personally). Plus suburban legends. For personal reasons I struggle to listen to song without SPIRALING FUCK YOU THAT ONE PERSON SEHDHSSJNS but very skk as well 'we were born to be national treasures' is very soulmates of them. And out of the woods screams them in fanfic when they try to get better. Red, straight away all too well. They both remember it all too well. All too well skk cover with switching vocals anyone? The last time. The one with gary lightbody. Underrated song, is my favourite on that album, and SO THEM. 'this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong, this is the last time i wont hurt you anymore' because they're fated to be together and are constantly drawn to each other and yet keep HURTING EACH OTHER RAGH. also 'we are never getting back together' is pretty funny and nice when applied to them. also state of grace. any taylor song with a mild drop of religious imagery is them cause yeah. but 'i never saw you coming, and I'll never be the same'... okay pack it up, we don't have time for your yearning. 'you were never a saint' (dazai abt chuuya) 'and i loved in shades of wrong' (bc hes toxic and doesnt know how to healthily like people) 'we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts' (bc they continue anyway and stick it out, living with the pain of being bad for each other because of how deeply they care). I almost do. Dazai after leaving. moving on to more religion, holy ground. 'for the first time i had something to lose' 'and i guess we fell apart in the usual way, and the storys got dust on every page' AAAAAA IT'S THEM. Can't really speak on debut- but I've listened to our song and picture to burn and if picture to burn isn't a vengeful chuuya idk what is. BOY OH BOY SPEAK NOW.

excuse me. one moment.

Mine- literally a skk au

Sparks fly- 'the way you move is like a rainstorm and im a house full of cards, you're the kind of reckless that should send me running' that entire verse screams dazai's fascination with corrupted chuuya, and the whole song is well yeah

back to december- dazai when they reunite just trust me on it just trust me on it. the repetition was intentional, that's how serious i am. 'i go back to december all the time' 'I got back to december to make it all right'

speak now- might just be me but it really makes me think of teen skk in fanfic harbouring urges to ruin the others relationship for 'some reason. I don't know, seeing him with her just... irks me'.

the story of us- first verse is chuuya, second verse is dazai, and the third is them both because they're LOSERS and they LOVE EACH OTHER and FUCK I'm CRYING NOW. 'id tell you i miss you but i don't know how' EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED BASTARD.

enchanted- self explanatory. for more context, i really think it's from dazai's pov in this case, could probably be both, but dazai fell first and harder so it's really like god he's been in love ever since he got kicked into that wall he wants him around forever. He held Chuuya's hand in the fight with rimbaud and then had all those close moments in the manga and went home to lie on his bed kicking his feet and giggling don't lie. (god im still crying this isn't helping)

better than revenge- they're both pretty vengeful idk it makes me think of iwsynttr for some reason

haunted- chuuya pov. 'i thought i had you figured out, something's gone terribly wrong' 'stood there and watched you walk away from everything we had' they're so sad, but the general idea of chuuya thinking he has figured out dazai and knowing how he thinks and then dazai just leaves suddenly and he's like 'Wow! I thought i knew you. How do i forget this'. 'wont finish what you started' bringing chuuya into the mafia then leaving it.

last kiss- 'you told me you love me so why did you go away' chuuya pov again oh god it hurts why am i doing this to myself? 'never imagined we'd end like this, your name, forever the name on my lips' yep yep ow.

LONG LIVE.- LISTEN. TO. THE. SONG. AND TELL ME IT'S NOT DAZAI AND CHUUYA. I COULD DO A WHOLE ANALYSIS ON JUST THIS SONG. 'promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever, but if god forbid fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye...please tell them my name, tell them how the crowds went wild, tell them how i hope they shine, long live the walls we crashed through, i had the time of my life with you' FUCK IT'S DAZAI AN HE'S IN LOVE WITH CHUUYA AND DOESNT KNOW ODAS GONNA DIE YET, JUST THINKS HE DOESNT GET TO KEEP ANYTHING HE WANTS. FUUUUUCK. THEY'RE IN LOVE AND DAZAI WANTS IT REMEMBERED PLEASE I'M SO SAD.

anyway, i can't pretend I'm normal about skk anymore i haven't even covered fearless, reputation, lover or midnights please somebody encourage me to actually write full things dedicated to each album and the most fitting songs from said albums please i'll do it and plus i need to actually gather proof for my autism diagnosis appointment so this would be a good way to to that probably. anyway yeah this'll never make it out my drafts lol

[botanikos]

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you’d like to get to know a little bit better.

Roleplayer name: Jude

Roleplayer pronouns: They/Them

Muse name(s): Stolas

Preferred communication: Discord doesn't gobble up messages, so that's truly the best place! However, I still try to answer tumblr IM's as well. I also have telegram if anyone wants it. . . . it's collecting dust!

Experience: Yikes, this dates back to when I was much younger, and before I even used the internet for roleplaying. I started off writing on pen and paper with my cousin and a bunch of friends. We would pass paper or journals back and forth, taking turns writing out scenes or responses from a variety of characters. Mostly, at those times, it was for Teen Titans, Naruto, Bleach, and a few others. I'm going to safely say that early high school was when I took it online, starting off on a couple of forums and chat rooms [ namely, Chatango ]. I frequently roleplayed via text message, email, and instant messengers. I still do this with like, one person via FB Messenger, lol. I occasionally roleplay on Discord, too.

Preferred roleplay type: I gravitate towards whatever my mood and energy seeks out. Unfortunately, I used to do things in a very organized manner, but that time has long since passed me. I am easily exhausted, distracted, and just. . . can't keep up! I prefer things with some substance, but I'm not strict on moving larger plots unless we've communicated it or have a larger goal in mind for our writing. I love just having fun and going with the flow! I'm open to most types, too, though I don't typically do single-liners unless it's like. . . me being goofy on the dash.

Pet peeves & dealbreakers: Automatic assumption of our characters knowing each other! Unless we have talked it over, or your muse is a canon character within the universe that he's interacted with, please don't do this! It makes me [ and Stolas ] uncomfortable!

Absolute dealbreaker - If you think Stolas is an abuser / disregard his being in an abusive relationship, my blog is NOT for you. I've made this clear a few times and wrote up a whole PSA for my portrayal!

Shipping - I've said it a few times, and I'm always willing to go over it for anyone curious, but my Stolas WILL NOT have any sexual or romantic interest in women. At most, if talked through with the other mun's, you'll get a little drunken flirtation. But there will be NO follow up. That being said, I can be a shipping whore [ affectionate ]. I love shipping! And if Stolas finds you attractive, then damn, he WILL flirt! However. . . . I will never just auto-ship with anyone, and I will be taking into consideration how Stolas would / wouldn't feel with your character. There needs to be some sort of interactions to base these things off of before we get into the big stuff. Again, though, if you see something that makes you tilt your head, it's probably because the mun and I have talked privately and are in cahoots with the idea!

Drama - Please don't pull me into it if it can be avoided. I am 30 years old, I did my time of tumblr dramas back in like, 2010. I am here for a good time, not a long time! If I gotta just up and leave, I will. Unless there is some serious shit I need to know, I will NOT be getting involved.

And one last dealbreaker. . . If you're treating this and your partners like there's a time limit, you definitely don't want to write with me! This is what I do for fun, to relax, to explore my writing abilities, sharpen them, and interact with people that don't exhaust me! So if you're going to put a time limit or anything of the sort on our interactions, I'm gonna' lose interest sooooo fast. Absolutely NOTHING I ever send or offer expires. You're also free to just delete it if you lost interest. That wonky ass 2am ask I sent you? Delete it if you don't wanna answer it!

Best time to write: The weekends, since I don't work. And, honestly, night time! It's when things are the calmest for me.

Are you like your muse? Do I gotta' answer this question? Yes, yes, I am like my muse. Stolas and I share quite a few similar qualities, both in terms of hobbies and interests, and emotional states. I have an excessive amount of plants, I love watching the stars, I have an unholy amount of books and love reading, I enjoy tea and intimate conversations. I've been in abusive living situations, I suffer from anxiety & depression, and while some people think highly of me, I think rather low of myself.

Tagged by; @strikers-saloon

Tagging; @flamesignite ; @witchysang ; @distortiism ; @lapetitemxrt ; @siriuslord ; & anyone else! Feel free to say I tagged you if you want.

[theholidayslingerlikebadperfume]

like okay im thinking about how the whole title track sounds very much like she's trying so hard to make the situation sound romantic when the lyrics are objectively what the fuck and how thats probably the point of the song because like the more i really read the lyrics, the more im like these lyrics sound very similar to those in so high school to me.

like i said previously that so high school doesnt work for me as a love song because the lyrics are so un-romantic and what the fuck and I'm thinking ttpd falls under the same category of love songs trying really hard to be love songs but the reality of the situation is so bleak.

for example, ttpd talks about her lover "self sabatoging" and "throwing spikes down on the road" and the "romantic thing" they did together was smoke weed and eat lots of chocolate in bed. The most "romantic" thing he does is at dinner when he takes her ring off her middle finger and put it on her fourth finger, which SHE interprets as "the one people put wedding rings on" because SHE wants to get married and will read into things that arent meant to be read into to justify the "cyclone" of a ride she chose to be on. in other words, she justifies her behavior by saying that it's true love and they're destined to end up married together.

i keep thinking about that HORRIFIC fucking quote from the folklore documentary where taylor admits as much when she says that "betty and james" end up together in her end but "he really puts her through it." anyways moving on before i yak.

the whole title track is the most unromantic, least sexy set of situations you can think of and the cringey lyricism of it all plays into the art of it all because she did it all on purpose to convey her delusional behavior and thinking patterns last year after the break up with joe. the whole song reads as delusional because she wasn't thinking straight after the break up and she wanted to get that point across here i think.

but also like so high school is equally as cringey and unsexy and unromantic as you can fucking get. im sorry but if you're older than 25 and still think american pie is a good movie, you're cringey. if you think having sex around people who dont know thats what you're doing is cool and sexy, you're cringey. like idk the whole song just doesnt feel romantic to me. who actually wants to feel sixteen again ? i was suicidal back then so im biased af but i feel like adulthood is so much better than teenagehood.

its so fucking cringey to want to stay young forever. its so fucking cringey to want to not age and be stuck in a high school mentality. like idk when i hear the song, im just not feeling romantic at all the same way i do not feel romantic at all listening to the title track either. both of these songs to me are similar in nature. cringey af lyrics written to try and back the best out of bleak options because the person who is making these choices just wants to be married already and doesnt care who gets her to the aisle at this point.

like i feel like there is such a desperation in ttpd to be settled down and married and im like.... why? what is the rush? why are you acting like its the end of the world if you're not married by 35? its why the prophecy is a skip for me because its just like... i dont relate to that level of desperation at all.

have i wanted to be loved? yes.

have i been rejected and down bad crying at the gym before? yes.

have i gotten into a serious depressive episode because of a relationship break up before? yes.

but have i ever been so desperate to lower my standards in what i find acceptable in a relationship? no.

i cannot relate to dating people i do not actually like because i want to get married and be married in the eyes of other people so badly im willing to entertain anything at this point.

like i understand ignoring small red flags that could go either way in the beginning of a relationship but i could never seriously commit to changing my entire personality to be in a relationship with someone.

there are also some things i just could never fucking accept in a relationship and treating me like im not high on your list of priorities is one of them. i also am not the type to "send signals" by "biting my nails down to the quick" either in a relationship. i will make my opinion and argument known for why you should not treat me x y z and you still do, i will leave. i will leave so fucking fast and i will not spend 3 years cultivating a side piece relationship to escape into either. i will just leave.

and i feel like taylor has exposed a deep critical truth about herself and her mentality to love that feels very like young to me... i remember thinking this way when i was a child but by 17 i had really outgrown that idea of romance and love already and was developing the 1989 approach to love which i think is another important thing to consider in the ttpd conversation.

because 1989 has assumedly over 100 songs written on it and we got just over 20 of them for taylor's version. that means there is 4/5 of the 1989 era in the vault that we will never hear. and ttpd is 2 hours worth of music written in about 6-10 months so its safe to assume that ttpd era is mostly not in the vault (maybe 1/5 in the vault).

and 1989 is like the life of the bolter character in blank space and i just always assumed taylor and the bolter were one and the same during 1989 era. but even just the 5 songs we got off the vault are so much like ttpd to me that i feel like the real character of 1989 is more like ttpd where the bolter is 1 song out of 31, most of which directly contrast the narrative told in the bolter.

and i feel like 1989 is more an album of taylor's idealized version of herself and ttpd is who she really is to present that image of herself to the world. and the insides of it are so very human but kind of ugly and worthy of ridicule. ttpd is the expansion of dear reader where she warns you of what is to come and how she is going to show you the reality behind "the home thats really a house" because nobody is there waiting for her due to actions she takes to self-sabatoge at every opportunity.

she is so caught up in what people say about her that she spent 3 out of 6 years of her public "end game" relationship fantasizing about how to end up with a past toxic fling from her roaring 20s. she is gatsby looking back at the green light of the 1989 era and wanting to be that "happy" again. so she burns it all down and she's left with songs like ttpd and so high school to sing about because she is a feather taken by the wind blowing.

anyways this is a huge fucking ramble sorry yall if u made it down here congrats holy shit 💓

[csprslvt]

teacher aide pt 5

Summary: Ellie wakes up to seeing the love of her life and is filled with adoration, who knew that could be replaced with hate so quickly?

Warnings: kissing, sexual touching(?) Reader is self-destructive, Ellie gets her feelings hurt, short chapter (IM SORRY) Ellie kicks a trashcan bc shes angy. lmk if I missed anything!

This time when you woke up in Ellie’s bed, you stayed until she woke up. She had a rough day yesterday, you didn't have any classes in the morning, you owed her your time. You had no excuse to leave her in the state she was in. Your phone vibrated, notifications from Abby.

Goodmorning y/n. At 8:02 am

You smiled, typing a response, It felt wrong doing so with Ellie sleeping on your chest. But it was Abby, you couldn't ignore her.

Goodmorningggg, i'm sorry about yesterday  At 8:03 am

It's all good, how is Ellie?  At 8:03 am

You frowned, Abby was so caring even towards people that didnt like her. Ellie was always absorbed in jealousy when Abby was around you. They were so different yet so similar.

She's asleep. I'm waiting for her to wake up. At 8:04 am

You're a good friend y/n. At 8:04 am 

You didn't feel like one. You had given Ellie false hope, false hope that you could love her. Somehow along the way, the lines between friendship and romance had become blurred. You two had an intense homoerotic connection. As much as you would like to deny it, she wanted more. You didn't. You were wrapped up in Abby’s courtship, her loving gaze, it was all her. Still something about being with Ellie felt all too natural. Being around Abby was a breath of fresh air and Ellie was like a sharp inhale.

Should you tell Abby this? Most likely not. But upholding a sense of engimac energy was getting exhausting. Connecting with people was difficult for you, pushing them away was your thing. Maybe it was time to let someone in.

I don't feel like one. At 8:06 am

Why's that? At 8:06 am

I'm not stupid yk? Like ik Ellie wants more than a friendship with me. And here I am, allowing her to think that it'll happen. At 8:08 am

You don't want to be with her? At 8:08 am

I'm not really good at relationships. At 8:08 am

What makes you think that? At 8:09 am

I don't know, I just struggle to express my feelings in a way that people understand. I push them away because it overwhelms me, I've never had a serious relationship. At 8:09 am

Just because people don't understand how you show love doesn't mean you aren't worth loving y/n. At 8:09 am

You inhaled, you felt like you could cry, staring at the screen with blue light in your face. Those were the words you needed to hear that no one had ever spoken. No one had dared to understand the way you showed emotion. You had hardly understood it yourself.

You're smart and so funny and kind and god you are so beautiful y/n. You are a person worth loving.  At 8:09 am

Ellie stirred on your chest as you shivered from Abby’s words. She would wake up soon.

You're not so bad yourself Anderson. At 8:10 am

It was hard to take it seriously, what she was saying. It was so foreign to you to feel seen,understood, maybe even loved.

Hahaha. At 8:11 am

Ellie shifted, you texted Abby goodbye for now and put your phone down. You stroked Ellies auburn hair as she awoke.

She opened her eyes, adjusting to her surroundings, then she locked eyes with you and she looked so love stricken it was painful.

“You're here” she said with an adoring smile.

“I wouldn't leave you alone in that state Els”

Ellie blinked, her cheeks flushed showing off her starry array of freckles. Her eyes shifted down to your lips, then back to your eyes.

“I could kiss you right now.”

You gulped, frozen in place, the hand you had in her hair stopped moving and you stilled to look at her. Sunshine hitting her green eyes she stared at you. Never had she been this bold. Never were you forced to push away from her.

“I could kiss you right now… would you stop me? Hmm?” She asked you, her voice raspy from her sleep, she was so authentically Ellie right now. How could you reject her?

She leaned towards you eyes hooded with desire, her lips brushing yours so lightly and briefly and intimately it couldn't be counted as a kiss.

“Why won't you stop me?”

You couldn't speak.

“Why do you act like you want me and then say you don't? So confusing.”

“Ellie it's not appropriate-”

“Oh don't play coy with me, you spend half your nights cuddled up in my bed with me. Nothing about our relationship has ever been appropriate”

It had been so long since you were touched. So long since you have been kissed, the temptation to give in filled your brain. An impulsive temptation.But the thoughts of a certain blond permeated the black space of your mind.

“Ellie, if we do this our friendship will never be the same.”

“Hmm I don't care” She was so close, you could feel her breathing on your face, light and soft. She placed her hands on top of yours, resting on your chest.

“Jus’ want you. I don't want friendship. I want to kiss you.”

“Will you let me?” She said very seriously, looking deep into the molecules of your being.

“Ellie…” 

Hope and fear of rejection mixed in her green eyes.

“Can I?”

You didn't say a word, instead you closed your eyes and  pressed your lips to hers, hungry and wanting. She took advantage, gently touching every part of you she could reach. Suddenly she was very awake, your hands wrapped around her neck and she straddled you, desperate mouths moved for more. Every part of you was high on Ellie.

She had you in a trance where the world and its consequences ran away. 

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. 

She moved to your neck, kissing you so softly and lovingly, filled with unmet promises. You preened for her affections. 

That was until your phone vibrated, once and then again, You looked over and saw a notification that planted you back into reality.

Abby.

You pulled away and Ellie looked confused, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Don't tell me you regret this already.” 

She sounded small, heartbroken and fueled with fear.  Her eyes searched your face for emotion but you felt so overwhelmed you'd become numb, you looked at her, and looked at your phone. She followed your gaze and got off of you, picking the phone up and seeing a notification from Abby. The love she felt was replaced with anger. 

“So this is about her isn't it?” She was fuming, so much emotion contained in her eyes, clouded with pain.

“Ellie please don't make a big deal out of this, It was a mistake.” you stood to face her, face the mess you created.

The moment you released those words you regretted them, the stung Ellie deep in her soul, in her heart.

There you were, destroying everything you touched once again.

“A mistake, this whole fucking thing we had going on, was a mistake?”

“Nothing was going on.”

Ellies eyebrows rose in surprise, she scoffed, “Oh so what, you just spent the night in everyone's dorm? Do you just let all of them call you babe and treat you special? Hm? Or was it just me you decided to take advantage of?”

Panic rose in your throat, the thousands of words you had to say escaped you. 

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad person. Look at what I've done. I'm a bad person.

You choked, you never cried, it wasn't something that came easy to you. But now, as you began to finally feel you needed to cry. Pushing back tears, you saw the destruction you created and the girl you had hurt in your own selfish process.

“I'm sorry” you said with a shaky voice. It pissed Ellie off even more.

“Oh fuck that. You don't get to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. You dont get to sit here and fucking cry!” Ellie was yelling now, she kicked the nearest thing, a trashcan, in your direction. You flinched but she was too furious to care.

Her words cut deep into you.

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad person.

“I should be the one fucking crying after the way you used me, and I know you arent stupid y/n. Youre one of the smartest people I know, you fucked me over and you know it.”

You couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Everything hurts. Everything was your fault.

You were the one that kissed her first.

She was right.

“Get the fuck out y/n.” 

Quickly and without a word you gathered your things and practically ran out the dorm, slamming it shut behind you.

And Ellie? Well, as all the anger flooded in her veins she did nothing, nothing but hate.