#to make unnecessary comments on shit that OBVIOUSLY isn't FOR THEM

[daily-shadow-doodles]

Okay so. JUST SO WE'RE ALL FUCKING CLEAR.

This blog is ran by a transgender person. I personally draw Shadow the Hedgehog as transmasc, as it makes me happy! And I'll be drawing more transfem Shadow on here because it makes transfem people happy.

What we're not going to do is walk up to a trans person and tell them "I support you, but not trans headcanons because [_]". Because if we don't have anything nice to say to people, then we shouldn't say anything at all, okay! We should just keep our traps shut!

I have zero tolerance or remorse for fuckwads like that. And if you want to get pissed because I think transphobes should burn then you can literally go anywhere else but here. This is NOT a safe space for you. ❤️

[alesbianperson]

bully!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: Ever since that project that you both worked on, shes been unreasonably mean to you and you have no idea why.

warnings: mean ellie (not really extreme tho); implied football player!ellie; some swear words

authors note: this is my first attempt to write in like 2 years and just half proofread and english isn't my first language (cliché, i know), so i apologise for any context or grammar mistakes

--☆--

You loved going to school. You were nice to everyone, and everyone liked you. Even the mean teachers. However, there was one person who could not stand you, and you didn't even know the reason. She was just being unreasonably mean to you since that one project.

4 years earlier

Your biology teacher just announced a partner project at which your classmates already began searching for their preferred partners. You turned to your best friend who just gave you a thumbs up, but before you could stand up and walk over to her, the teacher suddenly said: "Before you all get too exited, I already assigned the partners."

An annoyed sigh left your lips as you sat back down, already expecting the worst. Your teacher began to read the partners aloud while you sat with your fingers crossed, hoping you'd get assigned with your best friend.

Which did not happen. When only a few of your classmates were left, he finally said your name. "You will work with Ellie Williams." You sighed in relief. From what you've heard, she was pretty okay. Smart, too. So working with her wouldn't be a catastrophe. As the teacher began listing the topics that were available, you turned around to face Ellie, who was already looking at you. You flashed a smile at her, which she returned.

Within the next few days, you both mostly met up in the library to work. It was funny to work with her, plus the topic was really easy. You wouldn't really talk about anything other than the project, but Ellie somehow  always found a way to make some jokes referring to her interests and you couldn't help but laugh at every single one of them.

You both were finished very quickly and got an a for that project. Working with her was pretty fun, too. At least you thought that.

Ever since then, she began commenting on everything you did. When you'd ask something in class and the teacher answered, she'd chuckle and say something like "obviously." When you both crossed paths in the hallway, she'd make sure to talk about you to her friends and let you hear it. When you'd be studying in the library with your headphones on, she'd come up to you, lift them up on one ear, and let them snap back on before simply leaving again, or closing your books and mess up your notes.

All that with no explanation. And it drove you completely insane.

Present day

"Williams! Keep up!" The coach yelled across the field. You stood right beside him, holding the second football they needed for training earlier. Your brother had said this was a great 'side job' idea, but until now, it was kinda boring and exhausting to follow the coaches' unnecessary tasks. Plus, Ellie was in the team, and you couldn't ignore the feeling that she'd say something to embarres you any moment.

"So," the coach turned to you, "practise is almost over, bring the stuff back into the storage room." You mentally rolled your eyes at his tone and the missing please, but quickly picked up everything and walked to the storage rooms. Without really motivation, you began to sort the things into the right drawers or shelves. Suddenly you heard footsteps, which came from outside. Probably the footballers, you thought, since the locker rooms were right beside this room, shifting your attention back to the agility ladders until you heard a familiar voice.

"Why's she suddenly here too? Shes making me lose my fucking mind." Ellie. You didn't have the nerve hearing her talk shit about you again, so you made your way to the door, but the next thing that was said made you freeze. "Then go talk to her. Tell her how you feel. It can't get any worse than this." That was Jesse's voice. You knew him from one of your classes and as one of Ellies best friends. He sometimes apologised for Ellies behaviour when he was with her. "I can't. What if she's grossed out? She'll never even look in my direction again." You were confused. All these comments because Ellie was scared that you didnt like her? Your thoughts were interrupted by Jesse. "But getting her attention through bullying is better?" A short silence. "At least she looks at me. She notices me. Every time I walk into a room she's in, her attention is on me. You don't understand. I need it." More silence.

You needed a second to process what you just heard, and you still couldn't really believe it. Ellie Williams, the one girl you were one hundred percent sure hated every bit of you, suddenly liked you.

"Yeah, whatever." You heard Jesse say before you heard him walk off. After waiting a few seconds, you tried to move as quiet as possible because you weren't sure if Ellie was still standing outside the door. But before you could make that sure, you bumped into the shelf behind you, which caused a loud sound. "Is there anyone?" You heard Ellie ask and froze. fuck, you thought, looking for another door you could exit through.

The door suddenly opened, and you were met with the green eyes of Ellie. As she realised it was you, she went pale. "You.. heard all that?"

[sidequestsinlife]

philm club notes 🧡

just random thoughts and interesting bits while watching (liveshow link here from dec 19 2018), yes this is long i'm terrible at editing myself. def watched this in 2018 but i don't regularly watch back their liveshows so i'm sure i haven't seen it since, let's see what surprises are in store!

why is younow audio so shit

don't put toothpaste on your zits pls phil

the discussion of their different feelings about going to their family homes is nothing new at this point but still interesting to hear them talk about. i wonder if dan feels like things are less haunted now that he's not still in the closet? don't think he's really talked about it post coming out?

but regardless it is very sweet to hear how much dan always enjoys the lesters and how welcoming they are, some things never change

phil is very correct with those comments about the rain and the roads, for some fucking reason even though it rains all the fucking time here and it also does seriously impede travel?? my train was cancelled for rain recently??? why do they not have better ways to deal with this?? i will never understand this country

younow why do you suck so bad, i had to minimize the window while i listen bc it's so out of sync it's making me insane, i hate seeing them look at each other all cute and smiley and not being able to figure out which part of what they're saying those expressions go with arghhhhhhhh

this was a time full of big announcements wow

the hiatus was NOT a short time and dan fully knew it wouldn't be he is a liar but he is forgiven (or will be once wdapteo 5 drops at least)

"if i ever upload on danisnotonfire again, the uploads will be more regular than they are now" LIARRRRRRRRRR AGAIN

drinking game take a shot every time these lying liars lie and soon you will be DEAD

this whole thing about ending things while they're good is going to make me paranoid that they're just going to peace out in the middle of some fantastic content in this new era too ugh. just gonna be like "wow this is my fav video they've ever made guess it'll be the LAST video they ever make"

more lies

they are obviously the obnoxiously loud neighbors and i hope the phouse has thick walls or is a fully detached house with some significant space btw them and the neighbors or i'm sure they're still getting people ringing the doorbell at 2am telling them to shut up

"he is not logan paul" (discussion of joe sugg being a "good egg") is very much not a high bar lmao

if phil didn't have dan to help him sort out his lefts and rights and stop him from walking into objects/off ledges/etc do you think he would still be alive and have all his original limbs

it is very sweet that they make clear the hiatus is not a life change though just a youtube change, they're not going anywhere in each other's lives regardless of joint content (or lack thereof) and they want to reassure everyone of that

they get each other gifts they want for themselves lmao, of course they do, they share everything. this is also why dan doesn't understand in 2024 why people would dare get him a gift that phil can't also enjoy. they are one person. dan and phil's pronouns are we/us.

phil does not go outside but he has four coats. i relate to this as i also do not like to go outside especially when the weather isn't great, but i am pretty sure i own FIVE coats. this is unnecessary.

2018 dan has clearly thought a lot about phil's beauty and aesthetic in a very non-gay way i'm sure

the 2018 casualties of the phass include several christmas tree ornaments apparently

ellen plagiarized phil???? how did i forget this?? also apparently this was pre everyone realizing ellen sucks

every time i watch pre-hiatus anything back, no matter how much i enjoyed it originally and still like it now, i'm reminded of how much more reserved they were, and how much more free and happy and gay they are now in this current era. i loved them then, sure, but the new era is so much better, and i'm so glad that they feel this way now and that they feel comfortable enough to share it with us 🧡

[sharpth1ng]

Obviously it doesn't apply to Debaser but I was wondering how you feel about Scream 3 and the narrative that it was all orchestrated by Roman. I feel myself constantly surrounded by people downplaying Billy's and Stu's role (with Roman also claiming Maureen's death) I felt like they take away a lot of our horror husbands' autonomy. When I watched it I feel like Roman gave Billy a hint and the rest was them (it also didn't feel like Billy really used Stu as the guy to take the fall like Roman said.) so idk I feel weird about how people see it and was curious about your thoughts?

Sorry if it's already been asked!

I honestly think Scream 3 is an instance of some pretty bad screen writing in the context of the original trilogy. The dialogue and self-contained plot is mostly fine, I like the concept of the movie taking place on set with the director as the killer, but the reveal also weakens the impact of the first movie, which is still by far the best one in the franchise.

Honestly I dislike even the concept that Roman inspired Billy at all, part of what I like about the original is the fact that the motive isn't grand or justified, it's very much teenage bullshit, even if it matters a lot to Billy. It's petty, it's overkill, and with every murder after Maureen it's very obviously a weak excuse for the killing spree they go on.

The fact is that originally scream wasn't going to be a franchise. Roman was added in after the fact as a cause for the events of the first movie. Saw can pull that shit off because its a soap opera basically, but I expect a tighter plot from scream. I also dislike the way Roman's motivation pulls Maureen back into the situation again, and especially the fact that it ads sexual assault to her backstory. I found that unnecessary.

In context of the themes in the original trilogy I think it would have worked better not to connect Roman's motive back to scream 1 in that way. Scream 1 is a deconstruction of horror, scream 2 is a deconstruction of sequels, so scream 3 should deal with what we tend to see happening when a horror franchise gets popular enough to have 3 movies (and it sort of does? Just not as well as I think it could have).

At that point, it becomes part of the popular culture, its not just a genre flick anymore. We see funko pops and parodic depictions of the killers, knockoff merch, and sometimes we see real life acts of violence being blamed on them (Like with Childs play 3), because they're so omnipresent they're hard to avoid. We already see this happening in Scream 2 with the popularity of the Stab franchise and with Mickey, but I would have taken this a step further for Scream 3.

Roman shouldn't have been related to anyone in the original movie, and that should have been played as plot twist.

Roman's sole motive should have been to make a new movie, and to raise the stakes for the new millennium. In the 2000's we start to see a lot more gore than we got on screen before (think final destination, it comes out the same year as scream 3) and I think making a point of commenting on the need to raise the stakes for a desensitized audience that's already used to the state of play could have worked well.

So yeah, I don't like a lot about scream 3, I do not like Roman's motive or his involvement in the events of the first movie- because you're totally right, it does take Billy and Stu's agency in a way that makes Scream 1 hit a little less hard. Also you're right about the fact that it doesn't really feel like Billy is setting Stu up as a fall guy- because it wasn't a fucking part of the original script, it's a retcon.

Sorry for the rant lmao I have feelings.

[bowsersex]

Anytime I see a post in which someone says "these (people I don't agree with) can't even make a phone call without getting anxious," I unfollow whoever reblogged it onto my dash. This isn't because I personally get anxious when I make phone calls. At one point in my life I did get anxious when making phone calls, but I got over this a long time ago and now I'm pretty confident on the phone.

The reason is because 1) 90% of the time OP doesn't know the people they're talking about and so they're just taking a guess in the hopes that it's true and it pisses these people off. 2) It's unnecessary to bring up. And 3) It's just mean-spirited.

Like I saw this again a couple weeks ago, but an example I can think of from a year or so ago was when dni-archive, a shitty Tumblr user who posts screenshots of people's bios to mock them, made a poll tournament for "most annoying tumblr user." Obviously this was horrible and shitty and faced backlash. I remember one user making a post about how shitty this was to do, but then said in the same post something like, "(dni-archive) can't even order food without getting anxious." And it's like ok, we don't even really know who this user is because they keep their identity anonymous (they don't even give a name on their blog). So saying this about them is like taking a shot in the dark and hoping it hits them.

It reminds me of how people used to say "people who harass others online are basement dwelling neckbeard losers who have no social lives," and how I saw a post on here many many years ago that pushed back on this saying how the reality is is that some people who harass others online have good social lives. They seem normal in person, they're liked among their coworkers, etc. But then they go online and make others feel like shit for fun. Similar to how abusers can be well liked people among their friends and with strangers, the same applies to people who harass others online.

So what's the point in guessing that shitty people online are bad at socializing IRL so as to insult them? Why not just point out their shitty behavior? It just seems unnecessary. It always makes me think that the OP isn't confident enough in saying "this person is mean-spirited to other people online for no good reason" or in some cases "these people leaving these specific comments have bad opinions and here's why." The OP feels the need to make up an insult to prove their point. It's like if you said "this person's behavior sucks, and also they're probably ugly," about an online user who never posts selfies.

Also the people I've followed in the past who reblog these posts making these insults also reblogged posts that say "We shouldn't conflate attractiveness to how morally good someone is," and "Any time you insult the appearance of some asshole you don't like, you hurt those you care about who share similar physical traits." And it's like, I don't understand why they don't apply those concepts to how well someone socializes. Socialization is easier to change than one's appearance for most people, but it still doesn't make sense to imply that how well someone socializes correlates to how morally good they are. And wow I think that last sentence was one of the most autistic sentences I've ever written.

Anyways it's just mean-spirited for no good reason, but unfortunately I feel like you can't say "saying this thing is mean-spirited for no good reason" and be taken seriously on Tumblr.

[yourgildedcage]

Alright I finally produced a story.

1 ice cream down. 7 to go.

This was sinfully short but I'm lazy-

This is one of many, not all the fics are here--

Yeah I know Savanaclaw has its own pool but i wanted Floyd and Jade to be there.

Fight me.

This post is based on the Savanaclaw ice cream from the art by @somehowmags

For those that dont know, Malleus alter is a alternate universe version of Malleus who is a human and possesses no magic.

Sorry this isn't that good.

I'll edit and fix it later.

Family Visits...Us or Them

Story:

"Aw your uniform kinda looks like my formal uniform!... Less dragon motifs though" Malleus alter comments.

"Do you want--?" Malleus offered about to make a magical illusion of the clothing for the Diasomnia uniform.

"Nope! wearing the uniform is only for important stuff like greeting my grandmother and business matters" Malleus alter waved off.

"I'm going to Octavinelle," Malleus alter smiled. " be back in a bit"

*Octavinelle Dorm*

'He's someone else's problem now,' Leona though as he shrugged. But Floyd was actually handling Cheka really well. Wait.

Where is Jade....

Oh no human Malleus is coming over here...

Hold that thought. Leona tried to pretend to be asleep but Cheka totally ruined it.

"Hi Cheka you've grown so big since I last saw you!" Malleus alter stated as Cheka tackled him with a surprise hug.

"Oi Cheka dont hug strangers," Leona berated lazily.

"Actually why are you here?" Malleus alter asked.

"It's a place to dump him" Leona grumbled.

"I'm guessing Azul's making you stay and watch him so he doesnt wander off."

Leona made a snore noise in response.

"Oji-tan! Come play in the pool water with me!" Cheka threw the ball at Leona but it missed. Leona smirked.

"Oji-tan is really tired but I'll play with you though!" Malleus alter said stripping off his shirt.

"Dont ever call me that again. Wait you werent invited--!" Leona protested. He was ignored.

"Oh yeah? I challenge you to a volleyball game then," Floyd grinned displaying a larger ball.

"Where did you get all the pool toys?" Malleus alter asked wading in the water.

He was down to a pair of gym shorts he'd worn over his clothes, Leona thought that was unnecessary layering up on his part.

"I get bored in here some days... Nobody to play with" Floyd pouted. "And Sam has lots of things" Cheka poked him with a pool noodle he found.

"Alright I accept your challenge," Malleus alter shrugged. Immediately he snapped to attention as Floyd launched the ball at him with no warning.

The three of them were playing, or rather Floyd and Cheka were tosding the ball to Malleus and back again while subtly seeing how loud Cheka could get in terms of happy squeals.

"Oji-tan is asleep again," Cheka remarked looking at Leona who'd turned so ge face away from the pool.

"I wanted him to play too..."

"Hmm I know how to wake you up," Malleus alter grinned.

Leona could smell Malleus alter come closer. The scent of the water mixing in with that human's... Was odd.

Leona tensed in realization.

'He wouldn't.'

Malleus gripped the edge of the lounge chair and gently shook it. The gentleness was obviously for show. Like a quiet warning. One that Leona would normally ignore but he had other annoyances today. A Annoyance named Cheka.

"Oi Malleus cut that shit out" Leona rolled over and glowered as Malleus alter shook the chair alittle harder threatening to hurl him into the cool waters.

"I'm serious--!" He hissed.

And then he fell in.

"Ha ha ha!" Malleus laughed like a little kid.

Leona didnt know which was more of a headache. "I'm done for the day" he crawled back on the lounge chair.

Having to actually interact with Floyd or the happy sound Malleus just made.

Leona wanted to get back to his nap. Why did that human Doppelganger for the lizard have to show up?

With a sigh he sat up. "One game"

"Yes!" Malleus alter and Cheka grinned.

Leona and Malleus alter got a bit too competitive and at that point only those two were playing with a occasional surprise move from Floyd.

They had long abandoned tring to stay on the two designated teams, Leona and Cheka for Savanaclaw and Octavisomnia (Floyd's combination name for Octavinelle and Diasomnia despite Malleus alter's protests that he didnt attend school there) for Floyd and Malleus.

Cheka hit the ball whenever it got close enough to him. This also meant he splashed a lot of water too.

Malleus alter was about to win but then--

"I brought snacks!" Jade said all too cheerfully.

He was carring two trays, one with ice cream one with sandwhiches.

"Ah you're all in the water? Floyd why didnt you tell me? i would have loved to come in on tbe fun," he had a mock pity expression on his face.

After jade persuaded them to get out the pool, Cheka made a beeline for the sandwhich and ice cream, Malleus for the ice cream, and Floyd inspected his sandwhich. Leona reclaimed the lounge chair.

"Why do they look like lions?" Cheka asked. "It's in honor of our special guest," Jade grinned.

"Really?" Cheka beamed.

It was a popsicle with a lion head shape. The white base looked more like a rectangle. The head is brown with green pieces of candy as eyes, a caramel streak going down the left side, under the eye. A few crushed macadamia nuts cover the top. And the popsicles were rapidly vanishing.

"Oi don't eat them all," Leona snapped as Malleus reached for another one.

"What I've only had two and you weren't even gonna eat yours--" Malleus defended.

Leona stared directly at Malleus and snatched one out of spite.

Malleus smirked. "Bet you don't eat it all,"

"fuck off" Leona rolled his eyes.

"How much are you willing to wager on this bet?" Azul asked.

"Whoa? Where'd you come from?" Malleus alter yelped nearly dropping the stick holding the remnant of his treat.

"Oh ive been around," Azul smiled. "I was going to tell you your drinks are ready but you looked so preoccupied with your game.." Azul gestured. He was holding a tray of five tall glasses filled with a dark red liquid.

"Your tea sangria made from iced passion tea with Apple tea, white peach juice, raspberry juice, blackberry juice, and fruit inclusions is awaiting you"

Jade grinned like he knew a secret.

"How much do I owe you for the drinks?" Malleus alter asked.

"That would be  2677 madol*," Azul's eyes smiled.

"I'm being robbed blind by the alternate universe version of my boyfriend," Malleus alter faked being injured. But he handed him the money.

"These are new madol notes..." Azul said as he fingered through the paper counting the money at machine gun pace.

"Nobody's gonna comment on the boyfriend remark?" Leona asked.

Jade put a finger to his lips.

Floyd just bounced a ball back and forth with Cheka.

Azul seemed to do a double take. "I beg your pardon????"

Malleus swam away with the drinks.

Leona looked up. Revenge for the lounge chair earlier. "Cheka he's making off with your refreshments! Get him!"

Malleus alter laughed even as Cheka swam toward him.

*about 39 US dollars. It doesnt make much sense but I'll explain the math on it later.

[j0kers-light]

How do you think the joker would react to Y/N taking him on a data to the farm and they see a crooked mouth Alpaca 😭

cuz this shit gave me a heart attack 😞

@reneisance my beloved. My love for alpacas would have me screaming with joy.

I live not too far from a farm and each Christmas the fam drives me there so I can see these majestic creatures. Ugh! I’m rambling… let’s talk about it! In a completely un-biased manner of course.. 👀🖤✨

It smells. That’s the only thing on Jokers mind. He's only here because you suggested this as a 'fun outdoor date'.

Obviously your definition of fun is secretly a method of capital torture because he's two seconds away from turning this farm into a crime scene.

You hold J back when you see him beginning to stalk up to a group of people with murder on his mind.

Joker hates people and being normal. You know this. Why can't he take you dancing on top of a chemical plant or let you ride shotgun during a high speed case on the expressway?! Anything but this.

Can't he just wait in the car? One look from you tells him: No. No he can not.

Joker wore his normal mask that covers his scars in public but he's debating on doubling up... how can anyone tolerate this smell all day?

"J, I know you ain't talking. You go days without showering." And I oop. He' s insulted but has no comeback to relieve that burn. Moving right along...

You're running around like a kid in a candy store, pointing at every animal on display with a disgruntled Joker trailing behind you. He's your personal shadow/party pooper and everyone gives you a wide berth after sensing Joker's dark aura.

Why are you going crazy over these dumb looking animals anyways? Some of them appear to be on death's door and the intense heat isn't helping. Why is it so hot? How come you aren't complaining about the heat? He could use that big drag fan you were using earlier...

Wait. Where did you go?! Perfect, you gave him an excuse to tear this place apart (not like he needed on but anyhoo).

Joker hears your loud, joyful squeal and sighs in relief. He can stop his imminent rampage, you're not in any immediate danger, but now he has to figure out what captured your attention to make you stray from his sight.

He thought he told you not to in the car, but yet again. When have you ever followed his orders?

"ALPACA!!!!!"

Joker barely heard your loud squeal over the hyper children screaming and running around the farm. It's too much noise for his taste, but it will be a cold day in hell before he misses a single word you utter.

He tunes out the unnecessary noise and hones in on your voice. There. He finds you jumping for joy in front of a stall. He doesn't see anything worth your level of excitement until a.. creature walks up to sniff your outstretched hand.

He hopes to any higher being, that this isn't what you're going crazy over. Unfortunately, it is. His Bunny is ecstatic all because of... whatever this is.

"What is it? Can it see?" Joker ponders aloud.

You hit his shoulder and let the funky looking alpaca sniff your other hand. It takes in your darker complexion and deems you friendly. It loiters nearby for you to fangirl over more. One could say you are enthralled; however, you hear Joker's snide comment and turn his way with a theatrical gasp.

"How dare you disrespect this majestic creature! Of course it can see!" You scoff at J before facing the alpaca again. More have appeared, more likely attracted to your inner light.

The sudden gathering of alpacas draws the attention of kids and their parents. Everyone comments on how you're an 'alpaca magnet' and an employee allows you to enter the enclosure to be one with the herd. You are living a dream, soaking up this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Joker just sees you being surrounded by smelly, ugly looking goats. He seen some wild things in his life but this is up there. And this is supposed to be a date. O...kay....

As long as your happy, he can endure whatever this is.

[softambrollins]

Obviously, you missed the point of what I was trying to say. I was making a point about the double standards and hypocrisy in the fandom. I never said that what Roman said is okay. I just pointed how people been saying horrid things about him, both as a person in real life and in character, for so many years and no one bats an eye. But the minute Roman says one thing that's out of line and slips up and makes a mistake, it's the end of the world for you people. Because I bet if had been Seth or Cody or Punk or Drew or any other white wrestler that made that crossdresser comment, no one would be as upset about it or calling them out. But because it was Roman who said it, here comes the selective outrage. White wrestlers can say and do whatever they want, no matter how horrible it is, whether it's in character or real life. And it gets overlooked, they get passes. But god forbid if a person of color even sneezes or blinks the wrong way. And you're gonna tell me that this isn't a race issue? Please. And no, Roman's comment doesn't mean anything that Seth has done in the past (in real life and in character) is suddenly okay and acceptable. Seth isn't all innocent or a perfect saint, he's not absolved from criticism and doesn't get a pass just because of how he dresses. And the shit he's done far outweighs anything Roman has ever done.

i don't see what this has to do with race. people being horrible to roman was obviously unacceptable but he's not exempt from criticism just because he's a POC. if a white wrestler had said the same thing, i assure you the reaction would be the same. but they didn't. he did. he's the biggest star in the company, has been holding the top title for ~1300 days and is involved in the main storyline going into wrestlemania. you really don't understand why he's under this kind of scrutiny? come on. no one's this obtuse. roman's gotten a lot of praise for his character in the past so if you're fine with that, you should also be fine with criticism when it's not good.

acting like punk, seth, cody etc have not gotten tons of criticism when they deserved it is genuinely wild and so far removed from reality. and what shit did seth do anyway? i genuinely don't know what you're talking about. in storyline, you mean? because you can't mean anything else. if you mean his comments in 2019, trust me, no one criticised him more than i did. unlike you, i have no qualms about criticising and calling out my faves when they mess up and say or do disappointing things. no one's trying to cancel roman. it's not the end of the world. it was just a dumb, unnecessary thing to say. he's better than that.

[dzpenumbra]

6/4/23

I made it through the day. Another kinda tough one, but not as tough as the past two... so that's good.

I woke up after very upsetting dreams, but I don't remember them. Haven't dream journaled in a long time, so the reflex isn't there. Didn't get much sleep because of that, probably about 5 hours.

I got on social media in bed. I really need to stop doing that. I swear to god, like... every single conversation on Reddit is an argument. Half (and that's being super fucking generous) of Instagram is ads or paid placement. I'm not really here to complain about that, I just... it sets a bad vibe for the day. Honestly, more Reddit than Instagram. But today, I actually joined a conversation on Reddit. I was in a default sub, which is always a dumb idea... and it was a video of a cat attacking their owners at night, in the r/funny subreddit. And... I used to have that problem too. And 90% of the comments said shut the cat out of the room. A concerning number were advocating physically beating the cat to "correct" it. And then there was me and like two other people buried in there, sharing the apparently "controversial" first-hand experience that... this is textbook... Okay, it's really hard to put into words gently, so I'm going to say it the way I did in the comment. They need to play with their cat more, the cat is trying to play. I don't want to say neglect, because... people are very poorly educated, especially with cats, and for some reason think that cats are like... living stuffed animals or something? That they don't need social stimulation? And... yeah... it's obviously a delicate topic when you're dealing with these kinds of things, people get violently offended. But yeah, coming to the realization that I had been neglecting my cat... and making time to play with her before bed... it was a routine for us around when I started this journal, and quite a bit before. And she was like... 14, there's a huge stigma of like... "old cats don't play". Making that time for her completely solved that issue.

And I even got some person on a throwaway account say some stupid shit like "what the fuck are you talking about..." all that. I mean, all I said was that cats are crepuscular, they are most active at dawn and dusk, the video was showing very telltale tail movements that are like... textbook "I want to play". I explained the whole "cycle of cat life" which is play(hunt) -> feed -> find a safe place, maybe piss and shit -> sleep. And as long as those are accessible and being met, and your cat is healthy, you got yourself a happy cat. It is a very natural cycle for a pure carnivore. But, apparently, I might as well be speaking fucking Cantonese to people who want to come in and say "I don't know all that mumbo jumbo, what are you talking about? (as though they actually want the answer to that question) I've already made up my mind! The best solution here is to shut your door and neglect your neglected cat even further. And when they scratch at the door, contain them further. Why waste my precious time trying to get to know an adopted member of my family when I could be putting that time into being fucking 'right' on the internet."

It just makes me really sad. For the animals that don't have a say in it. For the unnecessary suffering. For the avoidable conflict and pain.

I guess that's a big Buddhist thing that I've always struggled with. The innate nature of life being Suffering. And Suffering comes from Attachment and Desire. And Nirvana - "heaven" is a close analog... kinda... - is a state of being in which one is not compelled/driven by Fear or Desire. And... I struggle with that. I always have.

I mean, I get it. If I didn't love my cat, I never would have suffered her death the way I have. If I didn't desire to save these animals that I have never met, I wouldn't suffer from the powerlessness of not being able to do anything. And, on the flip side, if I didn't fear being mugged in the woods by the recently evicted homeless masses, I would be more than willing to go for a walk. If I didn't fear wasting a gallery owner's time, and embarrassing myself, I would submit my work.

The problem I have with it is... you can't have one without the other. If you want to get rid of Fear, you have to get rid of Desire. And Desire is... ambition, it's setting goals, it's building projects.

I don't know. I just... I struggle with just... seeing the darkness of the world. It disturbs me. And it happened in such... sudden and dramatic ways for me. I remember it very clearly, it was Fall 2018. And really what it took was me getting my bell rung by several big ethical betrayals... and my naivete started cracking. And I started to see... all the dark things I just pushed to the side and turned a blind eye to my whole life. All the monsters lurking in the dark corners. And it fucking spooked me. But I also, at the same time... started seeing all the magic in the mundane, in the everyday things that I also used to look at very shallowly.

I don't think I've ever written about this, I really want to share it because it was a pivotal moment in my life and... I was horrified to share it with others for years because of how hard it was for me to actually process. Then I'll move on to tarot after.

This was when I was getting back into smoking weed for the first time in 10+ years. I started getting really into Darren Brown videos. If you don't know who he is, he's an illusionist and mentalist from over the pond. He did this one experiment where he got a statue for a small rural town and installed it in the town square and started a folktale from scratch. I don't recall details, forgive me, I'm gonna paraphrase what I remember. As far as I remember, he made up a backstory about it granting luck to people who... do something with it, like rub its head or something, I don't know. But he spread the rumor very subtly, with no one in on it, so that the town would spread the tale themselves, so that the folklore would spread on its own. And... over time... people were routinely using it. And it was actually granting people luck. Like... there were a lot of weird coincidences that started happening. And it made me start to think... can we actually... manufacture... luck? Meh, that's not the right word. Um... manifest? Create? Can we, through a placebo effect, actually create good fortune for others? Would it be possible for ourselves? Or do you truly have to fully believe in the placebo for it to work?

It was honestly art. That experiment, that piece - deeply inspiring to me. At such a level that it made me completely question the entirety of existence. It put me in a complete "oh fuck, am I going to die" panic-state. Like a... "you just absorbed arcane eldritch knowledge and Cthulhu is pissed" kinda moment. I'm sure being high really helped with that... And when I called my counseling center and asked for an emergency session with my counselor to try and process this extremely scary moment for me the next day, they brought me in to see someone I had never met before who was an intern... and I was the first person she had seen... and she recommended I go to a two-week outpatient program at a mental health facility. And my timid, anxious, "do your work", abuse victim ass actually went. I told my current therapist this and he had his head in his hands the whole time, like "oh god no, oh no you do not do that..." <shrugs>

Not a very happy ending. I know. To be fair though, I learned some very life changing things from the workshops I went to in that program. I mean that wholeheartedly. I learned how not normal my family is. I learned about trauma and abuse. I learned about polyvagal theory and different forms of CBT. I even learned some new forms of yogic practices there. But man, I really wish I learned that shit somewhere else... XD

Back to the moment of... waking up... What that experiment... project... I don't even know what to call it. What it did for me was help me unlock something that I had pretty tightly locked under cynicism and cold, sterile, scientific skepticism. Which... though done under the guise of "science", is very unscientific in its execution... "It" being... the idea that a placebo effect is... somehow not relevant. For example... if I come across this lucky dog statue and my friend tells me the lore that it makes you more lucky and I pet it... and my friend goads me into buying a lottery ticket and I win... It would be blatantly unscientific to say that the dog did not affect the outcome. The simple factor that the belief in luck exists - even if it's not 100% genuine faith, even if it's skeptical - is enough to get someone to try. And if they try, they are eligible for success. If they go "that dog is horseshit", they never try, they guarantee loss. So... if simply having a symbol of good fortune present equates to more confidence, which leads to more "risk-taking", which leads to more fortune... Then can you really say the dog statue does not generate more fortune? I mean, it's a direct chain of events.

It's really hard for me to communicate this concept the way that I currently understand it now. I've tried many times before and people just sorta stare at me like I'm trying to sell them a paperclip or something, I don't know. But what it really unlocked in me was the realization of the incredible power of belief, and hope, and faith. That they have a very direct impact on your experience of life. Through our willingness to participate with life more fully. And... this is something I could really use more of in my life. I could really really really use more... faith. More hope. More confidence. Because I could really use a turn in fortune. And... I think the idea that I could actually create the means to do that, to generate faith and confidence, and subsequently fortune... it was really life changing. It really made me feel like I actually had some agency in my life. It started to make all of the spiritual texts I had feverishly studied as curiosities throughout my life start to... make more sense. And I started exploring again to start piecing things together, with the newfound perspective that symbolism and metaphor are incredibly important, not something to be scoffed at as "just a metaphor".

Back then, I used to be a cynical atheist who kinda really didn't give meaning in the Universe that much thought. I was much more concerned with Me and Now, than anything greater than it. My ex used to compare me to Dr. House, if that gives you an idea. I was witty, I was funny, I was charming in my own way... but I was miserable, and in pain all the time, and crass. Reconnecting with the idea, even just the suggestion that magic... like magic-magic... is actually... real? Just... not the way people think? And in ways that people overlook and diminish every single day. It was revolutionary.

Like this, check this shit out. I got a package today, that Amazon order from a few days ago. I got a set of succulent pots as part of it, I don't like ordering shit from China... mostly because of how much fucking pollution goes into shipping stuff like that across the damn planet, how much waste goes into it... but I caved on this one. And they're cool, I don't wanna shit on it too much. I went and tended to my succulents that I got last winter. These things grew really nicely, and I live in a cold area. They're fucking desert plants. So I'm honestly shocked they did so well sitting right in the windowsill. I pulled two of them and I'm going to try to propagate them. And how you do that... is you just pluck the leaves, you leave them out for a few days for the attached part to callous over and for them to dry out a tad... then you give them a bit of moisture and maybe some substrate to chill in and before you know it... roots and an entire new clone starts growing from where the leaf was attached. Even crazier than that? Moss can do this... with literally any single cell it has. Translating this to human terms, that would be like... someone stole a hair off your head and gave it some water and in 6 months they had a fucking full clone of you. Tell me that shit isn't magic. Tell me that isn't something that would be in a Brothers Grimm fable or some shit.

And people will argue that! People will go... "no, akshually <pushes glasses up> it's not incredible, it's actually very normal and very mundane and I've seen cooler." And you know what? How can I get mad at people for doing that? I used to be one of them!

I think it's a really big part of who I am, and it was a big missing piece in my creative life that I desperately needed to find. And once I did, I started to get inspiration, and direction, and purpose. I needed to share with others how fucking amazing these things are! Just like I shared about the succulents and the moss, which was today's learning adventure. I live for that shit.

Okay, story time over. I hope I did that story justice and I hope I made sense but it's getting fuckin l a t e... So, I'm gonna try to do tarot quickly because I've been on a roll with it.

Past - V: The Wise One, inverted (Spiritual guidance.  Doctrine and tradition.  Connecting with a spiritual group or mentor.) Present - The Hermit, inverted (Soul-searching, introspection.  Moving slow, calm and grounded.  Being still in the midst of a storm.) Future - Queen of Wands (Warm, dedicated, confident, optimistic. Focusing inward to harness creative energy.)

Well this is interesting... two new cards... with this deck, at least.

The beginning of this thread is The Wise One, otherwise called The Hierophant, inverted. And... this has taken form in my life... very literally a few times. In the summer of 2019, about 6 months after that whole waking up and starting to see the magic in the mundane thing, I actually started to commit to seeking out a spiritual community. And I just kept running into snags, really bad fortune. I started to tell a story here and edited it out, I just need to get to bed. So... needless to say, there were several moments like this and I eventually gave up trying to find a spiritual mentor, in fact... I really really could use one still... but now, after so much bad luck... I'm pretty scared to seek one out.

That image, The Wise One in disorder, is connected to The Hermit, also inverted. And... I am a literal hermit. So... it fits, obviously. The inversion? I would say... when the qualities of being a hermit are not... functioning correctly? When it becomes... avoidance? When it's not so much slow grounded movement as it is... freezing or being stuck.

And this is connected to... the Queen of Wands. The nurturing warden of the fire of creativity. I don't even really have anything more to say about the card... XD I was very pleased to see her, it's a very wonderful image and spirit that I would love to embody some day.

So... I'm kinda reading this temporally. Like... this whole... rejection and interruption preventing me from reaching people who could help me cultivate my spirit, my soul. Which... obviously, with my career and my soul, is also directly tied to my art... Those emotional wounds and phobias are causing my hermit phase to... not be what it could be. The Hermit phase is a transformative one, like emerging from a cocoon. And... my fears of being hurt or rejected by mentors... again... for the millionth time... are keeping me stuck. And... if I manage to free myself from that? On the other side is a life that I would very much love. Being wise and confident and warm, and being able to channel creativity more freely, with more ease and comfort.

I like that message. And... I don't think I mentioned this, but I kinda ended my therapy the other day by saying... "I really need a mentor, one in the art field, to just sit down with me and get to know me and help me find a place where I will shine." You know, like literally any of my teachers were supposed to do. And this fully affirms that. I really do think that would be the smartest thing for me. Even smarter than just showing up at an open studio or taking a class or something.

The next step with that? Where to start looking? And what to even look for?... I'll get on that after sleep because it got ridiculously late. Bye!

[centrally-unplanned]

I am in the middle on this but I'll take @max1461's side just to balance out some of my own posting from previously.

As Triv says in the comments, you can just go work on a farm. In fact, if you think you'd find it fulfilling, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do so.

This is, of course, true, no way to say it isn't. But I don't really know how relevant it is to the "ennui of modernity", because its sort of presuming an individual independence that said ennui inherently pushes against. It just isn't the same to be someone born in a modern society, growing up going to schools and being raised by parents and being friends with people who are all fully embedded in a commercialized, technocratic, rationalized social system...and then going to be a farmer. That world shapes you and makes you someone ill fit for that life. It tells you the hardship is unnecessary, it imbues you with life expectations that don't match it, hell it tells you its fucking dirty and icky and you don't wanna be that. Obviously we do have farmers but most of them are actually "genetically" so, they had family who were farmers, its not something getting a ton of urban labor switch.

But if you grow up in a society where being a farmer is just...what you do, its the valuable and right and proper thing, etc, its gonna feel way different to do it. Taking a modern person and throwing them on a farm is not gonna work, but I am definitely more open to the idea that people who were born in a society built for it did make it work. And that meanwhile modern society has made default office job "work"...but maybe in a way that leaves us 20% less happy, that we never planned this and that the ridiculous power & wealth generated by the system made any alternative too weak to survive.

And of course no modern individual consented to any of this. They never asked to imbued with the idea that not having a successful professional career makes you a fucking cringe, undateable loser - but many many people struggle with just that idea. We have so little agency over our lives, actually, that I think blaming the individual for refusing to change their circumstances is only relevant if you are giving personal advice. Society in aggregate is rarely so agenic, so if it defaults everyone to a certain path its fair to judge it on the merits of that path.

Now, I don't think that people are 20% less happy than they were as yeomen farmers because uh vaccines rock and famine was real shit and being able to read any book at any time is kind of amazing. But I definitely see enough of how modern society frays people down to have some humility on this one. I can admit that, for a certain percentage of people, they maybe would be better off in another time or another place. Which has always been true of course, but it applying both ways doesn't negate one side of the coin.

(Agreed on the reactionary slippery-slope - its not the majority but we shouldn't downplay how big things like antivax as movements are and how they play on these kind of sentiments as a form of entryism)

There is a common motte-and-bailey argument applied to paper over expressions of dissatisfaction with life in industrial society.

The motte is "before industrial production of vaccines and antibiotics, infant mortality rates were extremely high, and this was an inordinate tragedy that can now thankfully be prevented".

The bailey is "your claim to personal dissatisfaction with being a (post-)industrial wage laborer is invalid, it is false that you would feel more stimulated or satisfied (etc.) by a hunter-gatherer lifestyle (etc.) than by your current lifestyle".

Look, I don't know what type of lifestyle would make random internet posters feel the most stimulated or the most satisfied. I don't know if it's running around in the woods or working at a desk job or being a rich failchild. I have no fucking clue and neither do any of us, maybe not even them! Although obviously I suspect they have a better approximation of the answer than any of us do.

But what I do feel confident in saying is that 90% of people complaining about industrial society online are not anti-civ. They're not saying "let's get rid of vaccines". They're saying "boy this wage labor shit makes me unhappy, and the way people used to live looks more rewarding". I don't know if they're right, in any individual case, and also people have a lot of misconceptions about how we used to live that are worth correcting. But I can say with great confidence that no important aspect of this discussion hinges on historical child mortality rates or vaccine production. Those are relevant points when discoursing with a small set of radicals, and not with the average tumblr user romanticizing pre-industrial life.

It is not a law of the universe that when one thing gets better, everything else gets better too. Maybe that cottagecore girl or whatever actually would feel more fulfilled living off the difficult physical labor of a pre-industrial farm. Is that so hard to imagine? It seems straightforwardly plausible to me.

I think a lot of the frustration that people have with this is that the cottagecore girls and the running-around-in-the-woods guys present these ostensible lifestyle preferences with a moralizing tone. Like "you're all such sheep for wanting to live a modern life". And I get that that's annoying, but I'll point out that their discourse-foils are also doing much the same thing in reverse: "you're all such fools for thinking you'd enjoy working on a farm more than in an office". I don't know, maybe they would! I don't think they are necessarily being fools!

[thatgirl4815]

I can’t wait until Porsche gets even better and puts Big and Ken in their place. They act all high and mighty, but the fact is that Porsche is better in both skill and personality.

I don't think they're taking it out on him because his skills are subpar compared to their's. They're taking it out on him because Porsche was a disrespectful cheeky little shit when they first met, asking Khun Korn to make him their boss when his skill were shit compared to their's at the time in addition to pulling Ken's pants down and taking Big's gun who quickly showed Porsche his place one handed and handicapped...so.

Big and Ken are actually well liked and probably respected by the other guards, just look at the little encouraging pat Big gives Arm in episode 6 at the very beginning when Chan tells them to disperse and start looking for Kinn, and Arm is considered Porsche's friend not his antagonist...

I mean, if someone came into your job and started acting like a know-it-all, you'd probably want to bash their face in as well (sorry Porsche baby <3 ily) and given that Kinn encouraged them (episode 5 where they make him crawl on his chest on Kinn's order), up until this last episode, Big and Ken's attitude towards Porsche are actually quite tolerant of him and they're not really bullying him into anything harmful or deadly. Most of it are just taunts to unnerve him (when Big makes Porsche deliver the condoms and lube in episode 5).

That doesn't make their actions towards Porsche justified, of course, but remember that the episodes are framed from Porsche's (mainly) or Kinn's POV so obviously the audience will sympathize with Porsche and Kinn was either not reprimanding Big and Ken, or on the contrary, encouraging them.

Yeah, this all makes good sense. I think I gave that comment about how Porsche is better than both Big and Ken in terms of skill and personality out of my own annoyance with them, honestly. They have reasons to be frustrated with Porsche, and I understand that Kinn ordering Porsche's punishment after the drugging was probably highly satisfying for them, as they could finally unleash some of their pent-up rage directly onto him.

Porsche clearly annoys the bodyguards in Ep2, but Big has even stronger motivations to dislike him since Kinn has an interest in him. Ken has a bit of a rivalry with Porsche and is just generally disagreeable towards him...but I do understand how we're getting a one-dimensional view of their personalities in light of the show's perspective. Porsche is just waltzing in and acting like he knows best. And yeah, like you said, most of B&K's actions are just taunts to unnerve him.

...I think the main thing that has set me off is the fact that they punished Porsche so severely despite the fact that he was drugged. Good judgment would probably tell you not to drink anything while on the job (even if it does look safe), but I wouldn't exactly call Porsche's actions "careless" here. Kinn ordered the punishment, but I have a hard time believing he specifically directed what the punishment should be. When the bodyguards found Porsche drugged in the bedroom, they must've at least assumed that whoever drugged him had foul intentions. And when Ken said "he's all fine now" after they literally had just found him nearly passed out on the bed?? Bro, like...what???? Porsche might be rude and stuck up, but he's still a member of the team. I can fathom Big and Ken punishing him, but to that extent and severity was just cruel.

I'd definitely be annoyed with Porsche too if I was Big or Ken, but I just think that the brutality they expressed was really unnecessary given what Porsche had just gone through. Let's also not forget that Porsche hasn't been on the job for long, so obviously this is his first experience with this kind of thing. Big and Ken are probably used to it, but Porsche isn't.

And finally...I'm sorry if this is callous, but Big's unrequited love for Kinn honestly annoys me. I wanted to feel for the guy, I really did, but something about the way he's acting just infuriates me every time he's on screen. If anything, I want him to see Kinn and Porsche together even more so he can get even more jealous and Porsche can put him in his place...but I could honestly do without Big altogether.

[limmastyles]

did you see the vanity fair interview with o? i want to know your thoughts, i haven’t watched it yet but it came up in my youtube recommended so i probably will eventually

VAREITY ARTICLE!🚩🚩🚩

This is just one of the nastiest horrible interviews I've seen! even the Rolling Stone article isn't that terrible.

So from the first minutes of the interview, she talks about her film again, presenting it as a "female pleasure", which automatically equals rape and sexual harassment and abusive relationships… Interpreting and romanticizing this kind of relationship is the wrong example for young women/girls. And also, this is a complete disrespect for the victims of this kind of relationship. BUT Cockburn still promotes it as the "norm," given the seriousness of domestic violence now…but it's still female's pleasure, sure Jan.🙄 She also dared to touch on the topic of queer relations, which, in principle, she has no right to do, given what shit she talks about the LGBTQ+ community.

“Female pleasure, the best versions of it that you see nowadays, are in queer films,” Wilde says. “Why are we more comfortable with female pleasure when it’s two women on film? In hetero sex scenes in film, the focus on men as the recipients of pleasure is almost ubiquitous.”

She also says again that Jason is a bad guy and how upset she is that her children will one day see how she was served on the CinemaCon stage and handed custody papers, BUT she is literally not disappointed that her children may one day see her sex tape, which is freely available on the Internet!

“The only people who suffered were my kids, because they’ll have to see that, and they shouldn’t ever have to know that happened. For me, it was appalling, but the victims were an 8- and 5-year-old, and that’s really sad. I chose to become an actress; I willingly walked into the spotlight. But it’s not something my children have asked for. And when my kids are dragged into it, it’s deeply painful.”

Indeed, it is very painful, BUT apparently it is not enough if she allows all the tabloids to mention the names of her children, saying what a wonderful stepfather Harry is, bring them to the concert (HELLO FROM SAN DIEGO, this will never be forgotten!)

“When Wilde is with her children, she’s entirely with her children, she says. She makes breakfast every morning, never misses bedtime and takes them to school herself. “They are my world,” she says. “They are my best friends.”

Every morning what year ago? Everyone knows perfectly well that she has been abandoning her children for 2 years. She follows Harry everywhere: last year's tour of America (she was hardly with her children), this year's European tour (she was with her children for at most a week during all this time)! I know it all, because thanks to her obsession with attention, I know where she was, when and how much!

But of course, they had to designate her as the "mother of the year" so that people would stop talking about it. But this article is also full of lies!

Speaking of Flo…the leech behaved so that everyone saw her as an angel, and Florence as an eternally dissatisfied and envious bitch, which is exactly what happened on Twitter

I'm not going to comment on every paragraph, because there's nothing new and there's nothing there. She uses a bunch of advanced words again to seem smart, but she fails again because most of the phrases in the movie are just incoherent nonsense.

As for holivia…there were no confirmations there again, vague statements again, so you shouldn't take it all seriously.

In any case, it's all done for the promo of the movie to attract more attention to get people talking and as the cover of the magazine showed when they used one of the lines of Harry's songs and it's just so obviously a promo for an unnecessary movie that I don't even want to talk about it🤡 This nonsense is just not worth it!

[cotton-candy-in-a-thong]

Noncon stories, Fantasy vs. Reality, and more. fucking. issues.

Recently, I’ve been hit with some drama as to why I’m a “bad person” by various, anonymous users in this fandom. I thought I’d try to address the claim, address my stance on fics that involve noncon, and what I think about the “Tumblr mentality” after everything I’ve seen of this place. I should also note that I’m going to use the specific words and phrases I’ve been forced to constantly repeat as explaining my stance has been very difficult for me, as I’m a person who’s apparently challenging to understand.

This is going to be a long post, with subjects that's obviously going to trigger people so here's a warning right now..

That being said, I’m going to dive into this with some shit I’ve definitely said before:

“Consensual Noncon” Kink

The Appeal of this Theme in Fanfiction:

I don't think calling fics that involve noncon "rape fics" and those who enjoy it "getting off to rape" is a very good way to put it. Many engaging and well done media pieces often involve some very dark themes. Again, Monster by Meg and Dia is a song that features the main character sexually abusing a girl he met. You COULD call this a "rape song", but acting as if the rape is the only thing that matters in this story would be pretty..naive. The story has to do with an emotionally, and physically neglected/abused boy, who grows up and becomes an attention/love starved monster who's SO starving for validation, that he believes forcing himself upon a girl he knew would "prove" to himself that he's capable of being touched and loved. Of course, the main character eventually realizes that rape is not love, that what he did was wrong, and later kills himself in his own bathtub with kerosene and a match.

However, the assault aspect of this song is still a meaningful and alluring part because it talks about how emotional and physical abuse can warp someone's perspective on reality, to the point where they think forcing someone to "stay" with them is how to create a healthy relationship. That's the same energy I have for noncon fics, especially in the slasher fandom. Many slasher fics that contain noncon often have to do with the slasher preying on the reader because of their own fucked up mind. It's intriguing because, let's be honest, pretty much none of the slashers are in a pretty good mental space lmao. Thus, noncon actually falls more in line with how slashers would go about what they believe is a "good relationship" more often than quite a bit of fans here seem to believe. Again, Michael got boners, Jason chained someone up, Fredddy smooches people against their will, Billy Lenz is a sex offender, Chromeskull makes snuff, yada yada yada, you know the drill. That being said, it's interesting to see noncon being expressed with these characters because it gives us a new perspective on how fucked up they'd likely be if the world of sex and relationships was introduced to these characters.

Now why would some people become sexually aroused by the events of the story? First of all, how does “Consensual Noncon” kink work?

u/Jumbledcode. (2015). ‘Can anyone comment on why people (someone like me) enjoy rape/non-con story lines?’. r/TwoXChromosomes.

“I'd suggest that there are several factors that make up the appeal of non-con fantasies.

Guilt/Self-image: For many people, their sexual/relationship desires don't necessarily match their image of themselves, or alternatively they feel guilt over others' perceptions of those desires. Rape fantasies allow them to mantain some illusion of denial over their desires while still indulging in the idea of them.

Responsibility/Laziness: The appeal of abdicating control isn't limited to avoiding guilt; it's very tempting to want a scenario where you have no responsibility for maintaining your lifestyle/happiness. Similarly to before, it's the appeal of being given what you secretly want without even having to choose it.

Transgressiveness: A rape scenario has overtones of danger and taboo-breaking. These can easily be exciting and can therefore be a turn-on.

Desire: Being wanted is often a huge turn-on, and the idea of someone desiring you enough to break laws and disregard everything to have you plays into this feeling.

To me, it seems that most people who fantasize about being the subject of rape do so due to some mix of these motivations I've mentioned. Of course, there are also those who have experiences which have taught them to associate non-consent with their sexuality, but that's a separate issue”.

What if the Fanfic Only Involves the Act though? Wouldn’t it Encourage Actual Rape?

Let’s differentiate fantasy and reality. Towards those with the noncon kink: it offers arousal because of the ideas listed above (the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). Rape is the use of sex to remove control over the victim’s mind and body. The readers DO have control over whether or not they get to “encounter” (the choice to even read) this fantasy, so right away consent is present in reality, and no actual rape is being done.

Now does this mean that the kinkers are getting off on the idea of rape? Not really.

The thing with self-inserts is that it allows you to be connected to the story. That way, even if the story has you bruised up and begging for mercy, a part of you-you (if you’re a kinker) wants to keep reading it as you find it exciting. That way, as you and story-you are connected, what you really want in such a fantasy is for it to keep going despite the brutish, possessive, however yet desired nature of the character you’re dreaming about dealing with. (repeat: the idea of the reader not having to make any moves and the character doing the “intimate work” FOR them, the excitement of such a taboo sexual encounter, and the feeling to be desired through an altered, brutish encounter). That being said, it’s still entirely possible for kinkers to have their personal space and wishes crossed, and ultimately assaulted. Us enjoying the fantasy of such a reverie sexual encounter does not spell out to real life because (in reality) we’re not horny all the time, we would still like our bodies to be respected when we find it necessary, and we still have feelings as we’re still human.

“Fantasy (including video games) leads to violence” fallacy.

It would be like assuming that shooters in games like GTA fantacise about murder, encourage it, and would do it in real life. Taking fabricated anger out on virtual bodies or NPCs is quite different from the weight of murder (the killing of another human being). One can play video games with lots of violence towards such fabricated characters, while discouraging violence towards human beings. The act of using a game controller to beat up Donkey Kong in Smash, to shoot Nazi zombies in a Black Ops game, or to kill a Geisha in Little Nightmares is incredibly, and immensely different from completely eradicating the life of a person on Earth, and to assume that everyone who plays violent video games would spill out to violence in reality would be to participate in a ridiculous fallacy. Yes, there are outliers who are feeble minded enough to let their fantasies influence their actions towards actual people, but I must repeat that there are also people who utilize these fantasies for their personal satisfaction, while understanding the weight of the real world around them (and choosing not to act so detrimentally). Therefore, it wouldn’t be fair as it would be unnecessary to blatantly say that all fantasies are horrible and should be entirely eradicated if there ARE many people who ARE aware enough to understand that some thoughts are better off staying in fiction.

Now is the time to address what’s been said:

...Firstly, I think it’s very disgusting that random users, on Tumblr of all places, are trying to manipuate random victims of sexual assault into hating something or someone just because these users FEEL like “it’s the right thing to do”.. People, victims of sexual assault aren’t your fucking dogs. They’re not carriage horses, they’re not your work mules, they’re not your guns and swords...they’re just people who normally wanna be left the fuck alone like everyone else. Plus, there ARE people who have experienced sexual assault who take joy in reading such dark storylines. What would these users have to say to them? That they’re not “real” victims? That what they’ve experienced “never happened”? That they’re “just like” their own perpetrators for using the consensual nonconsent to miraculously help them overcome their trauma? Should they really abandon their coping mechanism just because there are other victims who cope in different ways?

..If you seriously believe that all people who have gone through a traumatic event are gonna cope in the exact same fucking way, you literally don’t even know enough about PTSD to even be making a bold statement about cope.

This is the part where I finally realized that people, and especially those on Tumblr, don’t actually care about rape victims as much as they may claim. Many users on here, on this platform and in this fandom, don’t truly give a flying monkey shit about rape victims as people, nor what they have to say about the subject. Rape victims..on this place..seem to be used mainly as a means of figurative weaponry for a group’s subjective morality.

I find the similarity close to radical feminism. Radical feminists often believe that women, from near and far, have to do everything in their power to “destroy” the patriarchy. This would mean disobeying the societal expectation of women, even if there are some women who take joyment in engaging in some societal standards for their personal liking. An example would be sex work. Radical feminists acknowledge the flaws in performing sex work, but believe that NO woman should EVER partake even if the woman wants to do it out of her own free will. In demonizing and ostracizing any woman who doesn’t fall into the radical feminist agenda, radical feminists actually contradict their purpose to “let women be free”. At this point, you realize that radical feminists often don’t actually give a fuck about what any woman wants for herself. Instead, radical feminists want to utilize any woman they can find just to flip off men as a group.

In Tumblr users trying to “stand up” for rape victims for their personal “holier-than-thou” ego, they fail to care enough about the very people they defend to understand the dynamics of some of their coping mechanisms, thus begin to bully some members of the group they claim to protect because of the very narcissism, misunderstanding, and controlling nature going on behind their own “activism”. So now that some users have found something to hate, in this case being noncon stories, they attempt to manipulate victims of rape into ostraciszing and demonizing fantasies and other victims of rape just because the “activists” themsleves don’t like it. Even trying to argue that rape victims have a “duty” to agree with everything these “activists” try to do for them.

Sounds awfully familiar to the attitude democrats have towards any minority when it’s time to vote. “I care about you...but you have to agree with everything I say and believe because I want what I think is best for you. If you disagree with me, you’re ungrateful and a traitor”.

Now...a little about myself.

I’m not sure of everyone else who’s into the noncon type of story, but I use it to get away from my past. In noncon stories, I want to read what happens in the chapters. I want to imagine them for morbid curiosity and arousal I feel at the time being. In reality, my attackers didn’t care when I wasn’t in the mood, and never gave me a choice. In noncon stories, I get to choose the character I want to encounter in the fantasy and NOT have it picked FOR me. In real life, I didn’t get to choose who did some things to me. In noncon stories, I get to stop reading them and do something else whenever I’m not feeling it anymore. In reality? My attackers kept going because, in the situation, it was no longer up to me. After noncon stories, my body doesn’t walk away with bruises, bite marks, and physical reminders every time I take my clothes off or try to masturbate. In real life...that shit can mark you, disease you, and then traumatize you. With the stories, I get to delete my search history, join another fandom, and act like nothing ever happened. For reality? Your own body is a reminder of what happened because it was real. In reality, I’m NEVER gonna fucking forget what happened. I’ll be lucky if my own mind and body doesn’t haunt me for at least one day..

So seeing that someone, and probably multiple people not only tried to use victims of sexual assault for their own “go get em” dogs, but to try and phrase me as someone who loves and encourages such an assault on human beings? After the things I felt? After the things I tasted? After pathetically searching for the support of relatives, just to get shut down with “you’re lying”?..

...All the times I've been held down..threatened..clothes getting snagged off..parts being opened and touched after I've fought to just get the fuck away from certain people...

According to this anon..."she likes rape".

...I guess I just fucking LOVED EVERYTHING THEN.

You know...all my life I’ve been misunderstood by many people. It’s honestly really disappointing that even now when I’m better at explaining myself than ever, I’m STILL being phrased as a “psychopath” by random people who haven’t even taken the time to even know me. Not even from a minute-long conversation through a damn computer screen. And you wanna know the funny thing? I’m probably being laughed at as this is being read. Some of these users, these internet stalkers, are probably giggling, smiling, and saying “Haha YES we GOT the bitch!! Cry you piece of shit SLUT!!”. So maybe explaining my past experiences to help everyone understand why some people may use noncon stories to their fantasy advantage is gonna land me messages going: “You haven’t been raped you lying bitch”, “Maybe you should get raped again”, “You definitely enjoyed it”, and the overused, yet strong “Kill yourself”.

So how am I gonna end this message? With me saying that many of you, who THINK you’re doing the right thing by justifying harassment and trying to manipulate others into joining your little crusade to bully people away from the fandom (over extremely mundane fucking things)...aren’t really good people. At best, in this case...you’re fucking stupid. You will never truly speak for any of the marginalized groups you claim to know like the back of your hand. Simply, you will never. be. a hero.

If by chance, by an astrological chance..that any random user wants to come up and apologize out of the blue for talking such shit and for saying such things..I don't even wanna hear it...just get the fuck out of my face..

[popsicle-parfait]

❗WARNING: This is a rant post, you are not obligated to read it and I'm not responsible for the feelings you get from it❗

Wow, it's been a long time since I've post and now the most recent thing here is another rant blog. So much for being a drabble account I guess... Anyway, most of you probably didn't come here to see how my life has been so ill just get right on with it, this is where the rant starts to be prepared for a lot of emotion heavy words. So my day has been pretty normal for the most bit and I've just been doing my normal pastime which is reading, but as I was reading a certain fanfic a certain piece of text came up. Now I can't remember what was exactly said but it was something along the lines of "I told my friend I didn't like him that way and they obviously didn't believe me", now this might not seem like such a problem at first glance but just bare with me for a minute. Would you like it if your friend kept shipping you with random people, or assuming every person you looked at was your crush? 'cuz I don't think so, I'm sure half of you would be uncomfortable or maybe go like "hell no!" right? Like, it makes me feel sick in my stomach when I see that stereotype in fanfics and everytime I see the "best friend" character act like this I don't see that character as what it's trope is supposed to be, instead it reminds me of those annoying, gossiping, popular high school girls who like to poke fun at people for no reason. I'm pretty sure no on else feels this way and it's probably some weird internal thing but just really think about it here. Imagine getting bugged every second of your day by one of your closest friends because you stared at someone for a second and now all of a sudden you like that person. Now if that still doesn they my point across let me get into the topic of peer pressure, being denied over and over again about YOUR OWN FEELINGS by someone and being constantly told "stop lying, we all know you like them" or "you better tell them you like them or (some weird threat)" doesn't sit right with me and personally ant person who does that shit isn't a friend. Now, at the end of the day we all have our own opinions about this and I would say I want to hear yours but last time I made a rant post people kept making unnecessary comments so if you agree just like it or something, idk. I'm so fucking tired tbh and my sleep schedule just got anal fucked by all the shit I wanna do in life so I'm doing my best by clinging to Cookie Run: Kingdom and Genshin Impact.

Have a funny pic:

(The editor in me rn: GRAMMMAAAARRR!)

[grussell63]

I mean I get the fact that seb can't talk shit about the FIA yes, but that doesn't mean he should show his whole hearted support towards them either right? cuz thats what that statement sounds like. None of us expected him to say, "oh masi is shit, he needs to be sacked" but none of us also expected him to say, "oh masi's done a great job all this time (except Abu Dhabi) and shouldn't be sacked". He could've just said if it was something where the rules were broken by the FIA then its something we should look at. People should be allowed to call seb out on this (not send hate obviously) the same way most Daniel fans called Daniel out for his comments in SA. Not calling seb out on this while being seb fans makes us no different from the maks fans who refuse to believe that their driver did/said anything wrong.

This one statement from seb definitely shouldn't cancel any other time seb stood up for lewis ofcourse.

I promise this isn't me tryna attack you or anything you said, just me putting my opinion in you asks. I actually think we have the same feelings about this.

i respect everyone saying the statement was too much, i get it, i also know i am indeed biased when it comes to seb, that‘s how it is for me, there‘s nothing more to it

i think this whole seb statement is being blown out of proportion but then again, my opinion and i respect you lot saying this is unnecessary positive, emotions have been boiling since the finale and i get that anything said about it can blow up

it is not about not being able to call seb out, that‘s fine, but to act like he should step back as a gpda director? act like he does fuck all for this sport? act like he straight up stabbed lewis in the back when he‘s just said that masi overall done a good job? i don‘t think that is necessary

[delta-roseblr]

Ficlet for your reading pleasure

Look at me posting a prompt (that really wasn’t a direct prompt but lets not focus on that) in the first time in a while! I’m proud of me!

Hope you enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Where is this place again?" Felix asked as he made what felt like his one-hundredth right turn. They were going in circles, not that Felix was going to admit that. All the streets just looked too similar, and Felix wasn't familiar enough with Nashville to have any idea where he was going.

"It's off Church," Kyle answered as he sat forward in the backseat of Felix's jeep so Felix could see him in his rearview mirror. He and pretty much nothing else. He kept fucking talking about Church Street like Felix knew where the fuck that was. If it was Burlington, Felix could have drawn a map of Church Street from god-damned memory, but he really knew next to fucking nothing about Nashville. He had told Kyle multiple times, but he still just kept talking about fucking Church Street. Kyle held his arm out in the space between the driver and front passenger seat and gestured at the darkened street in front of them as he added, "I think you go two more blocks and then take a left."

"It's three blocks, and you need to take a right if we want to find parking," Dean declared from the passenger's seat as he looked up from his phone. The fact that it had taken this long for Dean to chime in was surprising. Dean had actually pitched a fit when Felix had said he would be the one driving that night. Since Leonard thought Felix was studying at Kyle's and had no idea Dean was home from college yet, and he definitely didn't know they were going to a gay bar, it made the most sense. Also, Felix would never say it to Dean because he loved his car so much, but the old Honda was just filled with the weirdest mix of unpleasant smells, and even after the engine was rebuilt, it still made strange fucking noises like it was ready to fucking die. Felix appreciated Dean's car, especially when it was the only car they had access to, but now Felix had his jeep. His jeep was an old piece of shit, too, but it just wasn't quite as old or quite as shitty as Dean's POS.

From the corner of his eye, Felix saw Dean slip his phone into the pocket of his jeans before bringing his full attention to the road. "And I won't point out how much easier this would have been if you had just let me drive," he commented.

It was dark, but the streetlights lit up the inside of the cab, and Felix could see the little satisfied smirk playing on Dean's lips. He thought he had won something which should have been annoying, but it was just kind of cute. Dean had really been away for too long.

They came to a stop at a streetlight, and Felix took advantage of the moment. He turned to look at his boyfriend. He was all blond hair and warm skin as always. "Dean," he said his name sweetly but also with a warning, "Unless you've figured out how to suck your own dick, you should probably stop fucking talking."

"I retract my previous statement," Dean stated seriously. Of course, it was Dean, and he was just as bold as he always was, so he reached out and brought a hand to rest on Felix's thigh. It wasn't so high, but it was high enough to up Felix's heartbeat a little. "Your driving and understanding of the city of Nashville is amazing, and I really can't complain," he stated with a bright smile.

"You two are so cute," Kyle faked cooed from the backseat before adding (mockingly), "I think I'm going to puke."

Eventually, they found the bar, found a place to park, and then made their way to the bar. It might have just been because Felix was comparing it to Burlington but getting into the place was beyond easy.

Once inside, they found a pretty thin crowd, but Felix didn't expect much more for the time of year. They had managed to hit that sweet spot where most of the younger people that came to the club were probably already tangled up in family holiday stuff, but most of the college kids hadn't returned home yet.

They were just a few feet into the place when they all collectively decided to stop and look around. To be honest, it was pretty much what Felix expected for a gay bar on the outskirts of Nashville, so it was pretty much par for the course, but other people clearly felt differently.

"This isn't….what I had been expecting," Kyle admitted sounding more disappointed with each word.

"What were you expecting?" Felix questioned. He sounded annoyed, which was because absolutely was, and yeah, he knew that made him an asshole, but this had been Kyle's idea. Not only had it been Kyle's idea, but Kyle had asked Dean after Felix had said no. He didn't go as far as to ask Dean behind Felix's back at least and asked Dean about it right in front of Felix. Much to Felix's surprise, his boyfriend that had also expressed a dislike of bars, immediately said yes. Felix was fucking shit at telling Dean no, so he was fucking stuck going, and both he and Kyle knew it. So Felix didn't care if the place was a little on the dingy side. He didn't care that the lighting managed to be both too bright and too dark at the same time. Felix didn't even care that the music playing overhead sounded more like static than anything else. He expected Kyle to be his typically overly excited self. "Pride flags and a rainbow-colored bar?"

"I was expecting to get ID'd at the door," Dean admitted. His voice was carefully neutral, and one look Felix found his expression matched his tone, but his eyes were scanning the room critically. Felix knew Dean well enough to know that this place was dive bar enough to bring up some daddy issues, not that Dean would say anything or suggest they leave. No, Dean would suffer silently.

"This is supposed to be an under 21 bar," Kyle informed quickly and matter-of-factly. Felix was half surprised Kyle didn't start reading the place's description from the website from memory. Felix was sure he could have because Kyle had been internet stalked the place for a while. Apparently, the website painted a different picture than what reality had to provide, and the shock was clear on Kyle's face. "And I don't know what I was expecting really," Kyle offered, and to his credit, he was obviously trying to hide his disappointment, and he mostly succeeded with his neutral tone. It was his face that gave him away. "I at least expected half the people here to be around our age."

"Yeah," Felix agreed with an unnecessary look around the place. "For a bar that is supposed to include people under 21, a lot of the people here look to be over forty," he pointed out. Really, it would have been impossible not to notice even if the place was hopping, but since it was moderately busy at the moment, so it stood out. Felix saw more guys that looked like they might hang out with his dad instead of kids around his age. He guessed divorced middle-aged men embracing the gayness they had been suppressing for years needed to get out too, but it was weird that they were choosing an under-21 bar when Nashville has several more traditional gay bars.

For the briefest of moments, Felix had a little bit of hope that the difference between Kyle's expectations and reality would be enough to make Kyle want to leave. They could get pizza or something. That hope died almost the moment it was born. It was almost like someone snapped their fingers, and Kyle got over his disappointment and shifted back to being excited, even if it was a bit more tempered now.

Kyle turned to him with a fucking smile on his face and asked, "Do we find a table?"

"I guess," Felix conceded with a sigh. He wasn't surprised, but he was disappointed that he wasn't going to get to escape. "Dean?" he questioned and got no reply. "Dean!?"

He looked to Dean just in time to see him looking up from his phone with a confused and bewildered expression. "Sorry, what?"

"We are going to find a table if you can look away from your phone," Felix informed with mostly fake annoyance.

"Yeah, sorry I was trying to translate this text message from Nico," Dean explained, which made sense even before he added, "For a guy that speaks several languages he can't spell in any of them" He shifted his phone so he was holding it in one hand and moved to put it in his back pocket before commenting, "But we should definitely find a table."

Felix would have fucking sworn he felt every ounce of positive drain from Kyle, so it wasn't a fucking surprise that when Felix looked at the guy, he looked tense, and his expression was carefully stony. "So Will is bringing the boyfriend?" he asked in a painfully neutral tone.

"Oh no," Felix exclaimed. He wasn't buying Kyle's attempts at neutrally, mainly because they were shitty attempts. If anyone could understand having an inconvenient, inappropriate crush, Felix liked Kyle too much to watch him continue to do this to himself. Felix had grown to think of Will in a somewhat positive way which was a journey, but he still didn't think of him as much in the way of dating material. Still, that wasn't why he was so bothered by the fact that Kyle couldn't let that crush go. It was never going to fucking happen, which was why it bothered Felix. Will was the most unavailable person on the fucking planet. He and Nico were practically fucking married, for fuck sake. Even if that wasn't the case, Will came with a load of baggage in the way of demigod shit. Kyle, of course, didn't know about that, but Felix fucking did, and he didn't think Kyle needed or would want any of that fucking drama. Fuck had Felix been trying to get Kyle to see the fucking light and shift his interest to someone more appropriate, even if at times it felt like he was banging his head against a wall. Felix didn't have any fucking desire to once again go through all that shit with Kyle, so he just shook his head insistently as he stated, "We're not doing that tonight."

"What!?!" Kyle questioned, but he sounded too outraged for Felix to believe for one second that he didn't know exactly what Felix was talking about, "I asked a question."

"No, you're starting to pine over a self-absorbed ass," Felix summarized indigently. In truth, Felix knew now that Will was pretty far from self-absorbed. Still, he did come with abandonment issues from like a dozen siblings dying in battles and a need for attention that came from having a fuck ton of siblings because Apollo is a fucking whore of a god. Calling Will self-absorbed was just easier, and maybe it was a little be of a reflex still. "Have some self-respect and standards."

Kyle huffed and rolled his eyes dramatically. "A smart, funny, attractive, blond, soccer play," Kyle declared with a heavily sarcastic tone. "No way you could get that attraction," he made a show of looking pointed toward Felix before turning and smiling toward Dean, "Oh, hi Dean! I forgot you were right there."

"That is totally different, and I resent the comparison," Felix growled as he pointed his finger aggressively toward Kyle, "There are plenty of age-appropriate guys around here. We will find you a better one that is available." So plenty might have been a bit of an exaggeration, but the point remained valid. "Now, let's go find a fucking table, so I can see if this bartender won't look too hard at my fake ID."

Surprisingly, the argument or discussion or whatever ended there, at least for the moment. They made their way through the bar's crowd with ease and found a large table that wasn't so far away from the bar that getting drinks would be annoying but not so close that they had to be worried about being overheard by the bartender. They still had the leering older men wondering the place to deal with, but Felix got a general impression that there was no escaping that.

There was some discussion about not wanting to lose their table even though Felix thought the likelihood of that was slim. Kyle suggested waiting until Will arrived (and made no mention of Nico) so there would be someone to watch their table. Felix wasn't exactly sure what Kyle was thinking with that one, but in the end, it didn't matter because Dean reminded him that he didn't have a fake ID so he could stay at the table while Felix bought his drink. Dean suggesting Felix buy anything was a surprise but not a bad one.

"How don't you have a fake ID?" Kyle ended up asking Dean with bewilderment, "You're in college."

Felix had asked the same question the first time Dean mentioned he didn't have a fake ID, although Felix's shock had been he had been in high school without one. The general feel of the question was the same, though. Of course, when Felix had first brought it up, he and Dean weren't dating yet, so he didn't know the details of Dean's home life. Now that he had that knowledge, it all made sense, but at the time, it seemed absurd.

Dean's response to Kyle was almost identical to the reaction Felix had gotten almost two years earlier. He shrugged casually as he replied, "I've never needed one."

Kyle sputtered for a second before reiterating, "But you're in college."

Dean's only reply was to shrug again. Dean wasn't going to explain that he always had unfettered access to alcohol if he wanted it, so something like a fake ID didn't make sense to him. He certainly wasn't going to waste his money on one.

"All the people he hangs out with are older," Felix interjected so they could move on. He patted Dean on the shoulder, ignoring the fact that he had to get up on his toes a little to do it so and gave him a sarcastic smile, "Don't worry, I've got you covered, College Boy."

Dean smirked back at him as he replied dryly, "My hero."

One playful eye roll, and then Felix was off to the bar with Kyle in tow. Considering the place wasn't that crowded, the bar itself was pretty busy. Felix blamed all the old dudes for that. Whatever the reason, he and Kyle ended up standing at the bar waiting for the bartender to notice their existence for a while.

As they waited, Felix pulled on his wallet and dug through the variety of cards and other random shit he had shoved in there to find his fake ID slide behind a stack of used gift cards. It wasn't the most obvious spot to keep it, but it wasn't exactly well hidden either. He was surprised his dad hadn't found it by now. After Leonard had found out about Dean, he had search everything Felix own on more than one occasion.

"Won't the out-of-state ID draw more attention?" Kyle asked as he leaned over Felix's shoulder.

"Don't know," Felix admitted with a shrug as he looked down at the fake Vermont license, "But I guess we'll see." Honestly, if anything was going to be a problem, according to the ID, Felix was almost twenty-six years old. Hopefully, the bartender wasn't too good at mental math because there was no way Felix looked that old.

Felix actually got a little worried when the bartender finally made his way toward them because the guy looked annoyed, but then it became clear that some middle-aged dude was trying to hit on the guy from the other end of the bar. As soon as he was away from that, he cheered right up, took their drink orders, barely looked at their ID's and started on their drinks.

Felix had ordered two beers for himself and Dean while Kyle had ordered some mixed drink, so Felix was handed his beers first and headed back to the table while Kyle remained behind. When he got back to the table, he found that Will and Nico had arrived, and they had apparently brought a third.

"Hey, Cecil," Felix greeted as he deposited one beer in front of Dean before taking a seat. "Wasn't expecting to see you."

Felix liked Cecil, at least for the little he actually interacted with the guy when he was at camp. He was glad he was there if for no other reason then it made it so it wouldn't be two couples and Kyle the whole night. Still, the guy hanging out at a gay bar seemed at least slightly risky if he was still trying to keep quiet about actually being gay thing, not that Felix was going to mention that.

Cecil shrugged, and he might have even had something to say, but Dean interrupted him by tapping Felix's shoulder and catching his attention before Cecil got a chance. "Where's Kyle?" he asked as he looked over Felix's head as if he was still looking.

"Waiting for his drink."

"And you left him!?!" Will questioned with absolute shock.

That was the type of reaction that had made Felix not like Will at first. Okay, it was one of the many things that had made Felix not like Will at first. The guy could just be so dramatic and over the fucking top about small shit. And yeah, Felix now sort of got why but that didn't make it any less annoying at the moment.

"He's a big fucking boy," Felix assured dismissively, "He can take care of himself."

Felix picked up his beer and took a long sip before turning back to Cecil, "What brings you to boring as fuck Tennessee."

"Hey!" Dean protested.

Felix didn't bother to turn to look at Dean, but he did reach out and patted his cheek dismissively. "I love you, but I hate this boring as fuck state, accept it."

Cecil chuckled at their interaction. Felix guessed, even though that was pretty much par for the course for them. "Will and Nico invited me to Thanksgiving," he explained.

"Cool," Felix replied with a nod even though he wasn't sure about that. Camp Half-Blood had pretty good food, and Felix would imagine that they put out an impressive spread for the holidays. Maybe it was depressing to hang out when many campers were away for the school year to spend with their families. Everyone needed a change of scenery every once and a while. At least he wouldn't be missing out on some damn good food because Dean's aunt was a fucking incredible cook.

A surprisingly loud buzzing sound began coming from his pocket, and Felix pulled out his phone, half-convinced it would be a message from his dad saying he had to go home because that would be a very fucking Leonard thing to do. Luckily, it was just a text message from Kyle, even though Felix couldn't think of why Kyle would have to text him when they were literally in the same fucking place.

OMG, come to the bar, NOW!

Felix had no fucking clue what that was about, but he didn't see how he got out of it, so he guessed he was going to have to go back to the bar. "Um, alright," he declared with a heavy sigh as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. "I'll be right back," he informed before hopping off his seat.

He only had to walk about halfway back to the bar to find Kyle standing with his drink in hand, half-hidden behind a wall craning his neck as he stared in the direction of their table. Felix had to admit that wasn't what he had been expecting, and he had no fucking idea what it meant.

"Alright, you got a drink, so now I'm confused," He admitted as he pointed to the drink in Kyle's hand, "Why did I have to come over here?"

Kyle looked at Felix for maybe a second before glancing first at his drink, and then he was back to trying to see their table through the crowd. "Who's the mysterious handsome with Will?" he asked instead of acknowledging Felix's question at all.

Felix looked back toward their table with confusion. He seriously didn't know who the fuck Kyle was talking about. "You've met Nico before," he reminded because that was the only thing that made sense even though it only barely did.

Kyle turned and glared at Felix like he was an absolute idiot. "You are such a fucking ass," he responded with more contempt than Felix had ever heard from Kyle before. "I have zero interest in Will's punk rock underwear model boyfriend, thank you very much."

Every once in and while, Kyle would insist that he wasn't bothered by the fact that Will was dating someone and that he was totally over his crush, and then there were moments like this where it was painfully apparent that neither of those things was true. Felix felt bad for Kyle and was impressed that he managed to make "underwear model" sound like an insult.

Kyle didn't want Felix's sympathy, and he wouldn't appreciate him pointing out that Will and Nico were a great couple either. So Felix just rolled his eyes as he commented sarcastically, "And you're not bitter at all."

Kyle just ignored him and huffed, "The cute guy with the curls."

"Who?" Felix questioned before looking back toward the table again. There was only one person there with curls, but Kyle couldn't have been talking about him, right? "Cecil?"

"That's even a cute name!" Kyle cooed.

What the fuck was happening? Felix thought to himself.

"No, it fucking isn't," Felix replied with absolute bewilderment. Felix liked Cecil but considering the guy wasn't a ninety-year-old man. His name didn't fit him at all. And since when did anyone comment on another person's name being cute?

Kyle glared at him again, which was really starting to feel like a weird turnaround in their friendship. "Who is he?" Kyle questioned. He didn't wait for Felix to answer. Instead, Kyle turned, so he looked back at the table again as he continued to ask questions. "Is he single? Is he gay?" Kyle's eyes lit up, and he turned to look at Felix again, "Please tell me he's gay!"

Of all the things Felix had expected to happen that night, he could honestly say Kyle finding a new crush, at first sight, wasn't one of them. He didn't know how he felt about it either. He was all for Kyle moving on from the idea of Will because that was never going to happen, and Kyle was a cool enough guy and deserved to be happy, but another fucking demigod, really? That was not something Kyle wanted to get dragged into. The guy was fucking attracted to trouble, and he didn't even fucking know it. The worse thing about it, Felix knew exactly why Kyle shouldn't get his hopes up, but he couldn't say shit about it.

"Oh my god," Felix groaned and rolled his eyes, "You are fucking hopeless." Hopefully, Kyle would take that statement to mean that Cecil was straight and would just let it go. "Come on, I'll introduce you," he stated and waved for him to follow.

They walked back to the table. At some point, Kyle ended up a few steps behind him like he was fucking hiding or something, which was especially dumb because Kyle was the same height as Dean, so he was at least a head taller than Felix.

"Hey, what did we miss?" Felix questioned as he went right back to his seat next to Dean. That, of course, was the moment he realized that the only empty chair left was between himself and Cecil. That was inconvenient but not nearly as annoying as Kyle sharply poking him in the back the moment Felix had sat down. The point was taken, so Felix gestured to Kyle to do the whole introduction thing. "Oh yeah, this is Kyle," Felix then gestured around the table without much enthusiasm as he continued, "You've met Nico and know Will, and that's Will's friend Cecil."

"Hey," Kyle greeted with a bit of wave and a smile. Of course, he seemed to look at Will and Cecil and completely ignored Nico's very existence. Baby steps, Felix guessed.

There were waves and a few greetings. Nico might have seemed a little less enthused, which was kind of funny. Felix remembered hearing some vague story about Nico putting a skeleton in some guy's bed because he showed an interest in Will. Maybe that was what Kyle needed.

"Again, sorry we took so long," Will offered, apparently unaware of Nico's subtle disapproval of Kyle's presence. "We had kind of a hard time finding a place to park."

"They were arguing about Will's driving and kept driving past parking spots," Cecil informed with a smirk.

It was an amusing thought. Felix had never really seen the two bicker before. Usually, they were too busy being all over each other to do things like that. Felix didn't get to enjoy his amusement long because Kyle had to chime in. "These two did that too!" he exclaimed with far too much excitement as he pointed at Dean and Felix. The pointing especially seemed unnecessary, considering it was obvious who he was talking about.

Nico smirked slightly in a way Felix guessed was sort of mysterious. He didn't see it personally, but that didn't really matter. "That doesn't surprise me," he commented knowingly.

"We don't bicker…like….at all," Felix defended, and it was the truth. He and Dean could easily break into lively debates over absolutely meaningless shit, and Felix was pretty sure most of the time they both dug down on their side to drag it out, but that wasn't bickering. Hell, at times, that was practically fucking foreplay. Felix couldn't see how it could be mistaken for actual fighting.

"Oh, I know," Nico admitted, "It's just in my limited experience Dean's driving is…interesting."

"Bad," Will interjected, "Dean's driving is bad."

"You didn't complain when I drove you to school every day," Dean commented even though he didn't have the heat behind his words for them to have any real impact.

Nico seemed to ignore Dean and Will's little exchange and focused his attention on Felix as he continued, "And you have a tendency to be….vocal."

Felix really didn't know how to take that. If it were anyone else, he would have probably taken offense, but with Nico, he just couldn't. Nico wasn't the type to sling insults, or at least that Felix was aware. So he was at a complete loss, and if it had been a year earlier, Felix would have covered his bewilderment with some comment that would have come out way more hostile than he meant it to be, but Felix was really fucking trying to be better than that. Instead, he tried to make a joke out of it by turning to Dean with a fake look of outrage and questioning, "Did your cousin just call me a screamer?"

"I don't think so," Dean replied, although he didn't sound as certain as he probably should have, "But I could see how it could sound that way."

"Well, are you?" Kyle questioned with a laugh in his voice and a smirk on his face before Felix could even think of something else to say.

Felix wasn't overly loud in bed. Of that, Felix was sure. Actually, Dean was louder, at least when he bottomed, and even then, Felix wouldn't call Dean a screamer. There was no way Felix was explaining any of that to Kyle, and Kyle knew it. That was probably why he asked, to get a bit of a rise out of him.

Felix responded with a glare that, in reality, didn't have as much heat behind it as it would have it was anyone else that asked.

Dean missed the memo about not answering questions about their sex life because he gave it a moment's thought before answering, "Not normally."

Felix actually wouldn't have cared if he could have been classified as a screamer. All that would mean was he was vocal while enjoying sex. Sex was amazing, so why shouldn't he be vocal about it? Also, he knew he loved it when Dean got loud during sex because it usually meant he was losing his damn mind from the fucking pleasure, and that was sexy as fuck. That didn't stop him from giving Dean a 'What the hell man?' look. If nothing else, it gave Felix something to tease Dean about later, which was always fun.

Nico chuckled, and it was hard to tell if it was from amusement or nerves. It could have been both. "I just meant you don't seem to be shy about giving your opinion," he offered.

It was really fucking hard to take anything Nico said as offensive, but Felix was pretty sure if anyone else said that to him, he would have been bothered. "I guess," he muttered in reluctant agreement.

"Yeah, that's very true," Dean agreed, maybe a little more enthusiastically than was really warranted, at least in Felix's opinion, "Also, irrelevant because I wasn't the one driving."

"Oh," Nico exclaimed with obvious surprise, "I retract my previous statement then. What were you arguing about then?"

"Parking," Felix answered.

Kyle hissed like he had something to say about that, but Felix shot him a look because he really didn't need Kyle offering his opinion on the matter. That was enough for Kyle to think better of it. "Well, parking was definitely part of it."

Dean was smart enough to remain silent on the topic, and Kyle already seemed to be distracted by making eyes at Cecil (and Cecil seemed more into that than Felix would have liked). Felix guessed it was better than Kyle just spending the night openly ogling Will, so he let it go for the moment being.

Nico was quick to offer a change of topic. "Is someone going to come to take our order?" he asked as he looked around expectant.

Considering what Nico looked like and what he did for a living, Felix imagined he usually didn't even have to order a drink at a bar. People probably just brought him drinks in hopes that he would acknowledge their existence. Nico did seem like a down-to-earth guy, so Felix figured he wouldn't expect something like that, but he was probably just used to that sort of thing.

"This isn't Gladiators," Will reminded, "I think we have to go to the bar."

Not entirely surprising, Nico looked confused by the idea, which confirmed what Felix had suspected. He was a smart guy, so Felix was pretty sure he would figure it out. Besides, there was still a chance someone would present him with a drink in the hopes of getting a chance to bang an underwear model before he ever made it to the bar.

"The bartender barely looks at your ID, so it isn't a big deal," Kyle assured.

Good for him, Felix thought. He could tell Kyle was trying to be nice even though he disliked Nico at least a little for the simple fact that Will and Nico were dating.

"Perfect," Cecil declared as he pulled a wallet out of his pocket and dropped it on the table before moving to another pocket and producing another wallet. Cecil made at least half a dozen wallets from various places on his person appear in a matter of thirty seconds. "Let's see what I have to work with."

Cecil started flipping through the wallets in front of them in a way that made it very clear that he had some experience with that sort of thing. That reminded Felix that Cecil was the child of Hermes, and Hermes is the god of thieves. He wasn't sure if he should be horrified or amused by what he was seeing.

The look on Kyle's face was definitely tipping it more into the amusing category. He was clearly fluctuating between absolute shock and confusion, and his expressions were so extremely exaggerated it reminded Felix of a cartoon.

To Kyle's credit, he didn't stay silent, but that wasn't surprising. Kyle usually didn't have a problem speaking his mind. "Um…." Kyle hummed and then pointed toward the pile of wallets on the table, "Are all of those your wallets?"

Kyle continued to flip through the wallets, pulling out IDs and credit cards as he did. "Well, I mean, they are in my possession now," he offered. Pausing briefly after tossing one of the IDs aside, and looked up just a little in Kyle's direction. Felix thought he saw the smallest of flirtatious smiles spread across Cecil's face directed toward Kyle, but that couldn't have the case. "And you know what they say about that," he offered.

So stolen. That was pretty much what Felix had figured. Even if he didn't know Cecil was the demigod child of the god of thieves, it was more than evident. Will apparently wasn't so quick on the uptake because he sounded genuinely outraged when he shouted disapprovingly, "Cecil!"

"You know I can pay for everything, right?" Nico offered without clearly as much shock and outrage in his voice.

"That isn't the point," Cecil returned as he tossed the last of the wallets aside. He looked up and seemed to talk more to Will than anyone else even though he had a captive audience in Kyle from its looks. "It's about the challenge, and the guys around here are not much of a challenge."

"It's a gay bar," Felix reminded as he tried to contain a laugh, "Most guys are expecting a little fucking groping." That wasn't true for Felix, at least not in the sense of a stranger. Now Dean was another fucking story, and hopefully, that was how the night would end. But there were plenty of guys in the bar, and Felix had his money on the vast majority looking to hook up.

Next to him, Felix heard Dean laugh. "He isn't wrong," he admitted.

Cecil just shrugged unapologetically, "That doesn't mean they shouldn't mind their wallets."

Felix was fucking flashing forward to when Will and Nico had kids because the look of disappointment and disapproval on Will's face reminded Felix of disapproving parent. "That isn't a valid excuse for pickpocketing strangers," Will reprimanded.

"Don't worry, no one noticed," Cecil assured like that was the problem, the getting caught part and not the actual pickpocketing part. Felix almost laughed at Cecil's bravado. The thing was, Felix's dad thought he was studying at Kyle's, and if he found out Felix was really at a gay bar with Dean, Felix would be grounded for a fucking eternity. So if Cecil got caught pickpocketing people, that could present some problems. Cecil clearly didn't see the issue as he smiled brightly. "I'm very good," he stated with confidence.

Will's brain had apparently broke at some point because his only response was to stare at Cecil slack-jawed. Felix would think since Will and Cecil had been friends for a while, Will wouldn't have been so surprised. He got the feeling this was pretty standard for Cecil. Nico at least didn't seem overly surprised or worried about it. If anything, he seemed sort of amused by the whole thing, but it could be hard to tell with Nico.

"I'm going to get a drink," Nico declared as he hopped down from his chair. He looked between Will and Cecil briefly before asking, "Do you both just want a beer?"

"Sure," Cecil replied as he started to tuck away the various wallets he had collected into his pockets, "Thanks, Nico."

"Um, I guess," Will muttered uncertainly. Felix was pretty sure Will was just still too distracted by Cecil's kleptomania because it was seriously out of his character for him not to jump up to follow Nico around immediately.

You would think that Will simply refraining from following Nico around like a lovesick puppy would have been enough for Kyle but not. At least some part of his horny teenage brain viewed Nico as competition or at the very least as something close to an advisory which was just incredibly stupid, to say the least. Kyle decided that was the moment to get what seemed like it was meant as a dig. "Do you even have a fake ID?" Kyle asked Nico with almost a disgusting amount of doubt.

"No," Nico replied, "But I don't foresee that being a problem."

No one in their right fucking mind would look at Nico and believe he was twenty-one; of that, Felix was fucking sure. That didn't mean he didn't think Nico was probably right about his lack of an ID not being a problem. Not only was Nico good-looking, which seemed to go a pretty far way, but he also had a 'Don't fuck with me or else' vibe that was pretty fucking hard to argue with. Felix would bet the bartender wouldn't even bother to ask Nico for an ID.

Kyle at least had the common sense not to push the topic further, which satisfied Nico greatly if the glint in his eye and the slight grin that spread across his face was any indication. It wasn't an over-the-top expression by any means because it was fucking Nico. Felix was pretty sure the guy didn't know how to do over the top, or at least that kind of over the top. Even subtle, it was noticeable enough  

It probably didn't help that after giving Kyle a few seconds of his victory face, Will decided to jump into the conversation in full lovesick puppy mode. Felix got that Will was oblivious to Kyle's lingering crush on him even though he had been told on multiple occasions, but how he missed the little exchange between Kyle and Nico, Felix didn't fucking understand. He had most definitely missed it never the less.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Will asked Nico.

"I'm sure I can handle it on my own," Nico replied with a shrug, "But if you want to, I could use the extra pair of hands."

That was all Will needed to hear. He hopped out of his chair like a tiger from Winnie the Pooh or some shit. "Be right back," he declared quickly before trotting after Nico as he headed toward the bar.

They watched the two walk-offs for a few seconds before they were lost to the crowd. "Oh, codependence," Felix commented dryly in hopes of cutting off any of Kyle's potential pouting. "I'm so glad that isn't a family trait because I'm pretty sure I would murder you," he added with a humorless smile directed at Dean.

Felix wasn't actually all that worried about that sort of thing. He and Dean were pretty independent, so neither would take on the relationship's lost puppy role. Sure, between texting and phone calls, they probably talked for hours most days, and Dean had been trying to talk Felix into applying to Berkeley so they could be at the same school, but that was just….different.

Next to him, Felix heard Kyle snicker at that comment. He was fucking loud about it, so Felix wouldn't have been surprised if half the fucking bar heard. Felix couldn't help but turn to look at him, and the amused fucking grin on his face was just even more fucking confusion.

What the fuck did I miss?

Felix probably should have just let it go but hated feeling like everyone knew something he didn't. "What?" he asked as he stared at Kyle critically.

"Nothing," Kyle assured, but he sounded far too amused to be even remotely believed. Before Felix could push any further, Kyle had already turned his attention to Cecil and changed the subject. "Um, so Cecil, what brings you to Tennessee?" Kyle asked with a smile. He was clearly trying to be friendly, but it was over the top, so Felix found it awkward. It was also pretty out of character for Kyle. It was an interesting development, to say the least.

"Oh, Will invited me to Thanksgiving," Cecil answered with a bit of a shrug, "And Nico insisted. Saying no to Nico seems kind of …."

"Dangerous?" Felix offered without even thinking about it. Nico was actually really nice, but he was also scary as fuck. Felix wouldn't want to tell him no either.

Dean was less than a second behind with an equally valid suggestion, "Terrifying?"

"Yeah," Cecil agreed with a laugh, "Pretty much."

"So, you had no choice," Felix summed up. He paused to sip at his beer before adding, "Only legitimate reason to come to Tennessee."

"Hey!" Dean immediately protested, "I honestly don't know how to take that."

Felix looked at Dean to find him staring back, looking genuinely outraged. Maybe that should have made Felix feel at least a little guilty because of that, but honestly, he found it a little funny. He didn't actually laugh, but it was a close call. "You should be fine with it," he retorted. "I can hate the state I met you in and still love you," Felix explained matter-of-factly before taking another sip of his beer.

Dean's reaction was precisely what Felix had hoped for. He grinned from ear to ear. "You love me? Really?" Dean leaned over and made a real fucking show of kissing Felix on the cheek, "Because I definitely love you."

It wasn't like Felix wasn't used to Dean being affectionate. He wasn't used to Dean being so openly affectionate in such a large crowd, but around friends was normal enough. He still blushed at it, which officially killed any chance he had to even try to play it cool. That didn't mean he wasn't going to try, but it did mean he knew going in it wouldn't work.

"God, you've had like two sips of beer," Felix grumbled under his breath even as his cheeks continued to burn, "You can't be like this already."

"So," Cecil point at them while looking at Kyle, "They are just as bad as Will and Nico?"

"Um," Kyle hummed, still being a bit awkward about the whole thing, "I'm more used to these two, but yeah, they're pretty cutesy."

Felix swallowed down the urge to argue that by taking a large sip of his drink. Dean got kind of cutesy when he had a few drinks in him, but otherwise, they weren't like that at all. Besides the few affectionate gestures, they acted just like they did when they were just friends. He even got Kyle to admit that he claimed that didn't mean they weren't cutesy a few times. It wasn't worth arguing about, Felix was sure, so once he swallowed his drink, he went to change the topic. "Alright, Cee," Felix declared, "Why did Will drag to this great state for the great food holiday?" The state of Tennessee might have sucked by Will's mom was a fucking fantastic cook. In Felix's opinion, her cooking rivaled the food at Camp Half-Blood, so at least Cecil was in for a treat.

"Sympathy, I guess," Cecil replied with a shrug, "He's making a bigger deal over the breakup than either me or Lou are."

Felix opened his mouth to say without even thinking about the fact that he would be outing Cecil. Luckily Dean saved him from accidentally spilling the beans before Felix got a chance. "You guys broke up?" Dean questioned with great disappointment in his voice, "Sorry to hear that."

"It's cool," Cecil assured a little awkwardly before adding, "We are better friends."

Felix guessed that was one way to put it, considering that Cecil was gay. He guessed Cecil had finally worked up the nerve to end his fake relationship but not enough to tell people he was gay. Felix wasn't judging, but he figured pretending to be upset about a breakup would get old fucking fast.

"That's a positive attitude to have," Kyle chimed in, and suddenly the awkward energy he had just a few moments before was gone, and Kyle seemed way too excited to hear about Cecil's break.

Felix liked Kyle, but the boy was beyond fucking obvious. How anyone thought he was straight, Felix would never fucking understand. He also had horrible taste in guys. First, he spends years drooling over Will, and now he was getting hot and bothered over Cecil. Sure, Cecil was an improvement but still.

Cecil sort of smiled at Kyle, and it struck Felix that this might be a problem. Luckily Nico and Will decided that was the moment to reappear, drinks in hand, and they interrupted the whole thing before either Kyle or Cecil could attempt any awkward flirting that Felix would have to stop.

"We are back," Nico declared as he placed his drink on the table before pushing himself up into his chair.

"And we have drinks," Will declared from half a step behind Nico, holding up the two beers he was carrying as proof. He placed one beer in front of his seat before placing the other squarely in front of Cecil. "There was actually a guy about to send you a drink," Will told Cecil as he took his seat. He waved his hand in what Felix was sure was met to be a reassuring gesture as he added, "Don't worry, I told him you were straight."

Felix had to physically bite his tongue to stop himself from calling Will a cock block which made him wonder if this was going to be a problem. They were in a fucking gay bar, and Cecil wasn't a horrible-looking guy. If Will was going to keep help his friend out by explaining Cecil was straight, Felix didn't know if he would be able to take it. He was going to slip up and say something he shouldn't and outing Cecil like a fucking asshole.

Maybe he just had a lot of practice because he had to lie about all the demigod stuff, but Cecil did an impressive job of hiding any disappointment or frustration he might have been feeling. "Thanks," he replied. He wasn't exactly enthusiastic, but he didn't sound annoyed either.

"Um…..," Kyle hummed, which matched the confused look he was wearing quite well. His one finger in the air to signal he had a question was a bit much but to each their own.

"Lou is short for Lou Ellen," Dean offered quickly.

Kyle, unlike Cecil, did not school his emotions at all. The guy visibly deflated as he tried to cover (poorly) by saying, "Oh, that's an interesting name."

Felix had to admit that he did feel a little bad. Kyle was a cool enough guy, and he really shouldn't have to wait until college to date. But, at the same time, it really was for the best. Kyle did not need all that crazy demigod shit in his life. It was better for him just to think Cecil was straight than for Felix to have to play interference all night.