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kookingtae · 4 years ago

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the equation of love (pt. 10)

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7 | pt 8 | pt 9 | pt. 10

professor yoongi x uni student reader

→scenario: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.

→genre: smut | fluff | angst

→word count: 10.5k

→a/n: alternatively: fuck it, it’s been five years and this wip has been staring at me for three of them, so im just gonna post it. i have not read this over since 2018, so pls dont judge me too harshly hhsdg it’s unedited and probably a bit cringy, but then again what ch of teol isnt? this is NOT all that i have planned for the series, but i figured something is better than nothing, right? and perhaps the saying better later than never applies here, too. maybe one day i’ll finally get around to finishing it (by then im sure no one will even be around to remember what teol is lmao) but until then, enjoy what ive been sitting on! and as always, if you’re still here, thank you for your endless patience and support with this series <3

→another a/n: after this will probably be an epilogue!

→tw: mentions of blackmail, r*pe and sexual assault (we mostly just get closure on the whole professor lee & jun situation!!)

→warning: this chapter is not a happy ending, but it’s not necessarily a BAD one either, so for those who don’t like to finish on an unhappy note, it’s up to you on whether you’d like to read it or wait for the epilogue to be posted!

Running water.

It was such a simple yet fascinating concept—atoms and molecules coming together to form the only substance on earth that has a natural state in all forms, while having the power to kill in three different ways. Solid, by hypothermia; liquid, by drowning; gas, by suffocation. This substance can take three different forms, yet it's most commonly a liquid, covering nearly 71% of the world with translucent bodies of water. Oceans, ponds, lakes—though the most enchanting of them all were rivers. They were always moving, crashing beyond rocks and bustling with the flow of the current and gravitational pull of the earth. Rivers were passionate, and strong, and no matter how hard one tried they couldn't break the whipping tide that was pushing against them. Nothing could cause the powerful force to falter.

But, like most things, even rivers must come to an end. The current stops flowing, and the waves stop breaking around the jagged rocks, and the powerful force that seemed it would never end dulls to a still, calm lull, as if the river was nothing more than a brief yet raging storm. All the passion, all the fight—over in a blink of an eye, left to dissipate into the mysteries of the vast ocean.

Staring down at the picture on the cell phone screen in front of me was like getting pulled by the current of a river; down, down, down I flowed until there was no river left around me and I was left stranded in the middle of the sea. Yoongi and I were once raging, and passionate, and ready to fight against anyone who tried to tear us down, but now the fight was over. We had been dragged too far, fading into a body of water that was not our own. This was bigger than us.

Yes, like the flow of a river, all things must come to an end.

"That's it," Yoongi gritted his teeth, and I felt the dip of the mattress beneath me as he rose to his feet in anger.

"Yoongi," I called his name in a warning tone, warily standing up from the bed and watching him move around the room. "What are you doing?"

"I'm over it," he said, hastily throwing the first articles of clothing he could grab from his drawers over his body. "I'm done dealing with all of this, Y/N! I'm going up to the school."

Despite the flare of determination that sparked in my heart at his words, his rage seeming to radiate off of him and onto me as well, I couldn't help the trepidation that I was also filled with; Yoongi didn't have a history of making rational decisions out of anger.

"Don't you think you should calm down first?" I offered, trying my best to match his pace around the room.

"No!" Yoongi suddenly skidded to a halt in front of me, his eyes wild and crazed. "I'm going to find her and I'm going to fucking kill her!"

I could only stand with a gaping mouth and watch as he stormed out of the room, leaving me with no choice but to pull on my old clothes and chase his stomping foot steps. He grabbed his keys before storming out of the apartment, down the stairs, and outside into the parking lot. I tried to ignore the blindingly bright sunlight as I squinted my eyes and continued after him.

"Follow me up to the school," Yoongi barked as he hopped into his car.

"Yoongi–" I started, but my consoling voice was cut off by the slam of his door. I frowned, scrambling to unlock my vehicle as his engine roared to life.

The drive to the university was a nerve-wracking one. I kept a watchful eye on Yoongi to make sure he wasn't speeding or swerving all over the road; they say you're not supposed to operate a vehicle while you're upset. Though it would seem my efforts were futile, because he did in fact speed and swerve, and all I could do was frown and try to keep up.

It wasn't that I wasn't angered by Professor Lee; I was furious, rage and disgust and frustration all stewing inside of me like a pot of water that was ready to boil over. But I just couldn't help but worry for Yoongi. I had always been the non-confrontational type, always hoping that with a little time things would get better if they were ignored long enough. But it would seem that my method was proven inefficient today, because as much as I had tried to ignore her antics, that wicked woman wouldn't stop at anything to make sure Yoongi and I were properly dragged through the mud and going down like a ship engulfed in flames. Yet as much as that angered me, I couldn't bare the thought of the turmoil it was causing Yoongi. I didn't know when I had started casting my own feelings aside and putting his above—it was a gradual thing rather than one, defining moment—but it was only another factor that proved how much I actually loved this man. And that very thought instilled a fear that shook me to the very bone.

We had a lot more to lose now than just his job and my education. We could be losing us. And that was more important now than it had ever been before.

Once we arrived at the university there were a lot of screeching brakes, messy parking and fumbling hands as I scrambled to catch up to his looming figure that seemed to stalk towards the building at an unnatural pace. The pounding of my heavy heartbeat was what drove me forward, anxiety rising with each quickened step that I took.

"Yoongi!" I yelled once I had lessened the distance between us, now dead center on the campus sidewalk. "Yoongi, wait!"

All of a sudden he whirled around, his abrupt halt causing me to crash straight into his chest. I let out a yelp in surprise, eyes wide and ready to interrogate him, before I felt the smooth curvature of his palms on either side of my face as he tilted my head up to his and slammed his mouth onto mine.

The world stopped spinning for a moment, everything around me fading into the motions of his plush skin, his soft lips exploding with flavor and spilling over my tastebuds, satisfying my thirst in a way that no water ever could. I didn't even question it for a second before I was melting into him, quite literally becoming putty in his hands as the rest of the world instantaneously escaped my mind.

It's funny the way that worked—the way he was able to completely erase everything that had once existed in the blink of an eye, just by his simple touch. Whether it was magic, or I was just that fucking whipped, I didn't know. But either way, I didn't possess the power to stop it even if I wanted to.

When Yoongi finally broke away, he was breathing heavily, his breath fanning across my face in cool puffs of air. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore," he spoke onto my lips, his forehead pressing against mine with a firm force. "Let them see. The only thing I care about is you."

It was then that I was suddenly aware of our surroundings, the reality of our world crashing down around me as I glanced around at all the eyes watching us. It varied; there were those choosing to spare us a glance as they walked to and from their classes, those who stalled their current actions to lift their heads to us not once, not twice, but three times, and then there were those who stopped altogether, their widened eyes and slackened jaws dead giveaways that they knew exactly who Yoongi was: Professor Min, Algebra 101 instructor.

A stroke of his thumb across my cheek brought my attention back to him; I stared up into his eyes, the desperate look in them captivating me and making it impossible to look away. His chest was rising and falling beneath his shirt, his fingers were grappling at my face as he brushed my wisps of hair out of the way, silently begging me to understand, to agree with him.

And in that moment, I knew what I had to do.

My lungs were filled with a breath of newfound determination, dazed and driven by Yoongi's words and embrace. "I love you," I spoke with conviction, caressing the nape of his neck as if to give him more reassurance. "Let's go.”

With that I grabbed his hand, holding my head high for the rest of the campus to see as I started up Yoongi's stride towards the school's building. He was right beside me, weaving his fingers through mine and giving my hand an extra squeeze as if to say that he was here, that he was proud to let the world know that I was his and he was mine, and that he wasn't going anywhere.

We were going to take down Professor Lee.

The seminar room was empty of students when we stormed in. Seats were placed throughout the floor, papers were scattered on the desks, and Professor Lee was at the front of the room, fiddling with the cords from the projector screen.

At the sound of the door opening, her head snapped up. "Well well well, look what we have here," she smirked when she saw us, making no plans to move as she saw me marching over to her. "You know, I really don't think–"

Slap!

The impact of my palm to her face cut off her words, skin on skin contact crackling through the room and echoing into a deafening silence.

Professor Lee gasped, immediately grasping where a red mark was now forming on her cheek before looking up at me with wild eyes. "You just slapped me!" She cried in disbelief.

"You're damn right I did," I gritted my teeth, taking a threatening step towards her and raising my palm. "Want me to do it again?"

It was then that I felt Yoongi's hand on my back, the feeling having an instant calming effect over my senses whether he wanted it to or not. I sighed before visibly relaxing and lowering my hand.

"You're barbaric!" Professor Lee was foaming at the mouth, still holding her face with a slack jaw. "Are you forgetting that I'm a professor? When Dr. Kim finds out about this, I swear he'll–"

"Tell him!" I roared as loud as my vocal chords would let me. "Tell whoever, tell the whole world, I don't fucking care! I'm done with your bullshit, you selfish psychotic witch!"

With that I gave her one final shove against her shoulders, and when both of her hands flew out to grab ahold her surroundings in an effort to keep from falling over, I planted another slap right across her face. The impact stung my hand, but I didn't care. Seeing Professor Lee stumble through the air was worth it.

"Baby," Yoongi spoke in a gentle yet warning tone next to me, and I had almost forgotten he was there until I felt his grip slightly tighten around my waist. It was a comforting hold, as if to say he completely trusted and supported whatever I chose to do in this situation, but still a protective hold nonetheless. He wanted to make sure I wasn't going to get myself hurt.

"You know, what is your problem, exactly?" I tilted my head at her as she struggled to get her bearings straight. "Is there an actual reason you're doing all of this, or are you just mentally insane?"

"It–it's not right!" Professor Lee stuttered with wide eyes, raising a shaky finger to point at me and Yoongi. "Your relationship, it's–"

"Oh cut the bullshit, Sara," Yoongi let out a sound of disgust from beside me. "We all know that's not why."

"I... I..." she stumbled for words, wide eyes glancing back and forth between the two of us. "Who do you guys think you are? You can't just storm in here and start attacking me–"

I took a menacing step forward, pure rage making up for what I lacked in intimidation. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I fumed, reaching out to grab her again.

"No, please!" She suddenly cowered before I could get to her, shielding her head away from me with her arms. "I—Yoongi, I'm in love with you!"

Her confession sent me reeling backwards in a downwards spiral, my body instantly going limp as I watched her with a dumbfounded expression. A vast silence echoed throughout the room that could be cut with a knife before she finally spoke again.

"Ever since you started working here, I knew you were the one. I just knew it." Her voice was sad, exhausted now, and a look of defeat washed over her features.

"What?" Yoongi gaped in disbelief. "Sara, that was two years ago!"

"I know!" She spat harshly. "You don't think I know that? For two years, I had to deal with this silly crush I had on you. I had to spend every day with you, watching it bloom into love overtime, and there was nothing I could do about it."

"You could've just told me!" Yoongi exclaimed as if that was the obvious answer.

Professor Lee snorted humorlessly. "Yeah, and be made a fool of? No thanks." She lowered her eyes to the ground.

"Sara, we're grown adults. You could've acted like one and fucking said something to me about it, made a move, anything but drag my career under the bus!" Yoongi's voice was strained now, his eyes wide as if silently begging her to understand him while he was equally trying to understand her.

"I was going to!" She lashed out again while whipping her head up towards him. "I was working up the courage to ask you out on a date, and then I see that fucking slut on your lap and I–"

"Don't you dare call Y/N that," Yoongi suddenly growled, pushing past me and stepping towards her intimidatingly. "One more thing out of your mouth about her and I swear to god I will kill you right here, right now."

My breath hitched in my throat at his threat and I couldn't help but weave my arm around his to grab his hand, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tightly. He gripped mine back even tighter, as if he was desperately trying to latch onto whatever calming effect I seemed to have over him.

Professor Lee swallowed, choosing to stay silent and watch him carefully as jagged breaths rose and fell from her chest. "The point is," she continued on, "I saw you with someone else—someone who wasn't me. And that completely tore my heart to shreds."

"So the only solution is to ruin our lives," I chimed in sarcastically.

"I may not have gone about it the best way," she quickly gritted her teeth and shot me a glare before turning her attention back to Yoongi, "but I had to act on instinct. I still wanted to be with you, so I figured that maybe if I split the two of you up, you would have no one else to turn to but me."

Yoongi just stared at her, his face scrunched up in a mix of confusion and disgust. "Do you know how sick and twisted that is?" He asked.

"All I ever wanted was to be with you, Yoongi," she pleaded, her tone vulnerable now as she took a tentative step towards him and started to raise her hand up to caress his cheek. "I still do. It's not too late; we can leave now, just you and me and forget this whole thing–"

"Don't fucking touch me," he knocked her hand away with his forearm just before it could reach his face. "If you think I'm going anywhere with you, you're even crazier than I thought." He then stepped back to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me securely into his side. "I'm in love with Y/N, and I don't give a shit what rumors you or anyone else wants to spread about it. You're fucking pathetic."

At that moment there was the sound of a door bursting open, causing the three of us to turn our attention to the entrance of the room. There, standing in the doorway, was Dr. Kim.

The sight of him immediately deflated the elation I was feeling from Yoongi's words, instantly replacing them with a sense of anxiety and fear that lodged its way into my throat until I was sure I would die from suffocation. This was it; according to the text from Professor Lee, he had already seen the picture of me and Yoongi kissing. This was the moment that would decide our future forever.

I just hoped we had enough evidence against Professor Lee for him to take our side.

"So let me get this straight." Dr. Kim folded his hands on the dark oak wood of his office desk. "Professor Min and Y/N had relations before Y/N became a student here, while Yoongi was unaware of her age?"

"Yes sir," Yoongi nodded his head in assurance.

"And then you continued your relationship, even after finding out that she was your student."

"He didn't at first," I interjected in hopes of getting some of the heat off of Yoongi. "He tried to call it off, but I kept pushing it. The reason we got back together during school was my fault, not his."

Yoongi's eyes met mine from the chair next to me, his gaze seeming to hold the words that silently spoke that's not true, and I instantly knew what he was thinking. In actuality, he had been the one to give me after-school tutoring on that Saturday during the homecoming football game, not I. He had been the one to kiss me first that day. But there was no way in hell I would ever tell that to the dean.

"I don't care whose fault it is; all that matters is that it happened," Dr. Kim frowned. "And it's still happening if I'm not mistaken, correct?"

"I... um," my eyes flickered to Yoongi, every fiber of my being starting to fill with panic. Shit, we should've discussed this beforehand. I wasn't going to willingly rat Yoongi out, no matter how many times he's said he didn't care anymore if people knew about us.

Suddenly I felt the warm, soft sensation of skin wrapping around the curvature of my hand that was resting atop the wooden armrest. "Yes, it's still happening," Yoongi spoke, and then his fingers were intertwining with mine.

I practically choked on my own spit at his words; did this boy have a death wish? A cough came sputtering out of my lungs, the sound causing everyone in the room to look at me until I'd settled down. Even Professor Lee leaned forward from her seat on the other side of Yoongi, bewilderment written all over her expression as she gave me a look of disgust.

"Well there's your proof right there." She threw her hands up in defeat before gesturing to the two of us. "What more do you need? Expel them, Dr. Kim."

"B–but that's not it!" I suddenly exclaimed and lurched forward, feeling the heat of everyone's stare on our embraced hands, which in turn only made me grip him even harder for support. "Dr. Kim, you have to believe me when I tell you that Professor Lee has worked hard to make my life a living hell ever since I got to this school. She had a vendetta against me; she's in love with Yoongi, and so she–"

"That's not true!" Professor Lee screeched.

"She worked to turn people against us rather than coming to you because she wanted to blackmail Yoongi into being with her," I ignored her interjection and continued. "She even made a seminar about it—the mandatory seminar that everyone attended today!"

The dean turned his attention towards her. "The seminar about the importance of practicing safe sex?" He questioned in bewilderment.

My eyes practically bulged out of my head at his words; that's what she was telling everyone it was about?

"It was!" She scrambled in defense. "I mean I... I may have brought up Yoongi and Y/N as an example, but that's only because they fit the part! Y/N had a pregnancy scare not too long ago, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to our students!"

I felt the color draining from my face, blanching it a stone cold white and decimating any feeling I had left in my body.

How the fuck did she know about the pregnancy?

My head instantly whipped towards Yoongi to see if he had any logical explanation for this, and his face was as poised and stoic as ever in front of his two colleagues—but I could see through it. I knew him well enough to catch onto the slightest falter in his blinking, the increase in heat that collected between our palms, the small twitch of his mouth that would've gone unnoticed by anyone else who observed him. I knew there was no way he could've told Professor Lee about the pregnancy, because he was just as blindsided as I was.

Dr. Kim simply raised his eyebrows in interest before turning back to Yoongi and me.

"Dr. Kim," Yoongi spoke, his voice dripping with amusement, "I mean no disrespect, but do you honestly think that if Y/N had a pregnancy scare, we would tell Sara about it? Come on; not after all she did to us."

"They—they didn't tell me!" Professor Lee huffed out a desperate breath. "I overheard them while I was–"

"While you were what?" I interrupted with a raise of my eyebrow. "While you were spying on us to find any blackmail you could use on Yoongi?"

"N–no!" She stuttered, though at this point it was obvious that she was making up lies on the spot. "While I was walking past the classroom!"

"Why would we be talking about that with the door open?!"

"Enough!" Dr. Kim barked, his deep voice rumbling throughout the small office. We all grew silent as we turned our attention to him. "There will be no arguing of he said/she said in my office," he scolded, then turned his attention to Yoongi before speaking. "I understand that there was someone you wanted me to see?"

Yoongi, who had remained calm during all of this, simply nodded his head before releasing my hand. "Yes, sir," he said as he stood up and walked towards the door.

My eyebrows were knitted in confusion as I watched it all transpire: the words exchanged between the two men, Yoongi rising out of his seat, the sight of my biology professor being revealed behind the closed door. The whole thing came as a surprise to me, and my emotions seemed to be having a war between the shock and relief that I felt raging like a storm in the pit of my stomach.

Why didn't Yoongi tell me about Professor Park being involved in this discussion? When did he have time to ask her to come? Did it even matter at this point?

"Professor Park," Dr. Kim widened his eyes, his frame physically reclining back in his seat. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"As am I to be here," she smiled though her voice was venomous, eyes flashing to a very alarmed Professor Lee.

"Mia?!" The woman barked in disbelief at her friend's entrance. "What are you doing here?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago," Professor Park replied, and with that she turned towards the dean and opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm here to testify on the behalf of Min Yoongi and Y/N."

Earth-shattering elation rippled through me from the inside out, starting at the base of my toes and spiraling to the top of my head and the tips of my fingers, causing them to tingle and buzz with a newfound sense of hope. We might actually have a chance!

"What?!" Professor Lee's voice ripped through the air in a deafening screech. "This isn't a court case! You don't get to play witness!"

"Actually, if Professor Park has witnessed anything, I would definitely like to know," Dr. Kim chimed in, raising an eyebrow towards my biology professor.

Professor Park nodded her head towards him in appreciation before speaking. "A few months ago Sara approached me in my classroom to tell me about the nasty rumors that were surrounding her and a student. She singled the student out, saying to purposely damage their grades because they were treating her unfairly and disrespecting her rules and authority as a professor; she even went so far as to say that they were sending her death threats"

"What?!" The word ripped from my throat faster than I could blink as I stared jaw-dropped at the women in the room.

"That's not true!" Professor Lee instantly protested as expected. "Sir, I can assure you that I never–"

"I have the text messages if you want," Professor Park offered in a tone so nonchalant one would've thought she was conversing about the weather.

Dr. Kim raised an eyebrow. "Text messages? I thought you said she came by your class?"

"She did, sir." Mia interlaced her fingers in front of her and bowed her head politely. "We spoke about it on multiple occasions. I asked why she wouldn't just go to you, or even the authorities if the student was making death threats, but Sara was adamant. She didn't want any scandals revolving around her so that she could maintain the level of professionalism that she had developed here."

I heard a snort coming from next to me, and it was with a swollen heart of pride that I realized the sound came from Yoongi trying to hold in a laugh.

Professionalism? Her? I had never heard anything so far fetched in my life.

Sara simply glared as Mia ignored him and continued. "She assured me that the best way to deal with this pesky student was to slowly start to fail them, and I'll admit, I was angry for her. Sara was my friend, and I respected her enough to believe what she was telling me and follow her requests." She turned her head to where I sat on the other side of Yoongi. "That student was you, Y/N. And I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the way I handled things. You were treated unfairly and poorly due to false information."

"It wasn't false!" Professor Lee jumped in to defend herself, but everyone was pretty much ignoring her. Even the dean could tell she was playing the part of the boy who cried wolf at this point.

"I'd like to see those text messages, if you don't mind." Dr. Kim reached his hand out expectantly.

There was a brief moment of silence while Professor Park nodded and tapped away on her phone before handing it to him. His cold and calculated eyes scanned the screen while saying nothing, all three of us waiting with bated breath for him to come to a decision in his mind.

There was no where left for her to run. With these text messages, all the constant denying that Professor Lee has done will be proven false and she will be exposed for all the hell she's put me through this semester. My heart was practically bursting at the thought.

"Well I would've appreciated it if you ladies had come to me with this information instead of handling it amongst yourselves, true or not," Dr. Kim finally sighed before giving Sara his full attention. "Ms. Lee, you have three people accusing you. Even if you didn't do it, there's obviously something that's turning them against you. And here at this university we strive to hold cooperation and communication above all else. If you don't get along with the fellow staff here, then why should I believe that they're the problem and not you?"

"Um, because Min Yoongi is fucking his student?!" Professor Lee was fuming now, her upper body lurching forward in her seat and her hands gripping the arm rests for dear life. "He literally just admitted to it!"

"Language, Ms. Lee," Dr. Kim scolded calmly. "I still like to maintain a professional attitude here in my office."

"I apologize sir, but that's beside the point." She was sitting back in her seat now, though her tone was no less frantic. "Min Yoongi is in a relationship with his student, and staff cooperation or not, I don't really think that's in the teacher handbook." She raised a snarky eyebrow at us as if believing that she had finally won.

I knitted my eyebrows, my palms feeling slick with a nervous sweat against Yoongi's as I realized the bigger problem here. It wasn't whatever lies and schemes Professor Lee had cooked up with my biology teacher; it wasn't even Professor Lee herself. It was the fact that Yoongi and I were in a relationship, and that was going to have enough consequences alone to shake me to my very core with fear.

"She's right," Dr. Kim uttered the words that I was silently hoping he wouldn't say, my grip tightening on Yoongi as I anticipated whatever outcome he's decided. Our fate was in his hands.

"Of course I am." Professor Lee crossed her arms and sat back in her seat with a smug grin.

"I'm afraid I have no choice." He was shaking his head, frowning at us apologetically though the sentiment didn't reach his eyes. "Mr. Min, I am sorry to inform you that you will have to be forced to resign from our university."

The color instantly drained from my face, and with it pulling all five senses that I have into the depths of the earth until I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't speak—I could barely even breathe. There was a lump that was forming in my throat and settling deep within my gut, all of this feeling fake, too fake to be real.

Yoongi was fired, and it was all because of me.

"I understand, sir."

It was Yoongi's words that were pulling me from my fog of disbelief and devastation, my eyes blinking in an effort to snap back to reality as I looked from him to the dean. "No. No, there has to be something we can do, please!" I begged, my voice starting to get frantic the more the severity of the situation hit me. "I–I'll drop out! You don't have to worry about me ever coming near here again, just please, please don't fire him!"

"Y/N..." Yoongi's voice was quiet and full of resignation, defeat, but I wasn't giving up.

"Yoongi is an amazing professor who has worked here for, what, two years? He's extraordinary at what he does and students love him. It's not easy to find a professor like that everyday." I was staring into the eyes of the dean now, trying to move him with my words. "You shouldn't throw away someone as great as him just because of some stupid 18 year old's mistake! Please, Dr Kim." I leaned forward in my seat, the room silent as I spoke. "He wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for me. Please, let me suffer the consequences, not him."

I continued to stare in Dr. Kim's eyes, silently channeling my emotions through the pleading expression in my eyes, and it wasn't until I felt a comforting hand on my back that I was instantly drawn away into a more calm state in my chair. I gazed over at the owner of the hand, and he flashed back that smile I loved except it was sad, and it didn't reach his eyes, and I could tell there was so much he wanted to say to me right now if we weren't in the confinement of his boss' office.

"I understand your efforts, Y/N, but there's nothing I can do." Dr. Kim shook his head, and it was as if the world around me was shattering into blades of glass, scraping at my skin and leaving bloody wounds that I knew would never heal. "Mr. Min was involved in this relationship as well, and no matter whose fault it is, the professor needs to be held accountable. There is a level of professionalism and maturity that he must possess in order to work here; he's your superior, a respectable authority figure, and so he should've known better."

It was all I could do to keep from crying as I lowered my eyes and shook my head, every inch of my heart breaking for Yoongi until all that was left were tiny fragments to scatter in the wind. I couldn't believe I'd done this to him. The very thing he'd been worried about from the start—I had ruined his career.

"It is our goal as a university to see our students succeed," he continued, though I could barely hear a thing. "As for you, Y/N, I see no reason as to why you shouldn't keep attending this university."

I blinked a few times, confused. "You want me to... what?"

"You will have a suspension on your student records, mind you, and one more of those will lead to expulsion," he explained. "Though that doesn't mean that you can't keep going to school here. You will have to meet with an advisor every two weeks, though, who will be keeping a close watch on your behavior."

I could barely even believe my ears; had my hearing been completely lost due to the shock of the situation? "That's totally a double standard!" I gestured to Yoongi in disbelief.

"Y/N, it's okay..." Yoongi tried to calm me down.

"No, it's not okay!" I roared, eyes wide and brows furrowed in disbelief as I glanced at him before turning back to the dean. "Where do you think you can get off by treating people like this? This is his career—his life!"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Y/N," Dr. Kim bellowed in a stern voice as he frowned. "I'm doing you a favor here by letting you continue your education. Speak out against me one more time and I will be revoking that offer."

His words were deafening throughout the office; it was suddenly understandable why he was so feared by those who worked under him. Yoongi started to run his hand along my spine in a soothing manner, and though it helped relax my fiery nerves and clear my foggy mind, I was still just as upset—if not more, now that the information was beginning to settle in.

"So that's it then?" Professor Lee spoke for the first time in a while, her lips pressed into a firm line, obviously disappointed by the turn of events though she didn't dare to speak out against Dr. Kim as he had warned. "Yoongi gets fired and Y/N gets a free ride?"

"Not so fast, Ms. Lee." The dean turned to her. "What you did was beyond unprofessional. You violated several school policies as well as bullied a student! Do you think that type of behavior is acceptable as a professor?"

Professor Lee opened her mouth as if to protest before slowly shutting it again, realizing that she had nothing left that she hadn't already denied. It was obvious that the evidence given to him by Professor Park, who stood silent in the corner of the room, was incriminating enough to sway his decision.

"I'm sorry to have to inform you that you will be fired as well."

"What?!" Her shrill voice screeched through the air, tearing whatever I had left of my eardrums and rendering me deaf here in this office. "What I did was no where near as bad as Yoongi and Y/N!"

"If anything, it was worse." Dr. Kim folded his hands over his desk. "Let's not forget that you managed to involve the entire student body in a false seminar that maliciously exposed one of our students and professors," he raised an eyebrow at her, "and that was just today."

"Yeah, not to mention all the other shit you did behind my back to make my life a living hell," I couldn't help from interjecting in a heated tone, though I backed off upon seeing the dean's stern gaze.

He redirected his attention back to Sara. "Here at this university, we strive to have a professional relationship, safe environment, and healthy lifestyle for our students. Neither of you achieved those three goals, so both of you will have to be let go."

Yoongi's expression simply remained placid and free of any emotion while Professor Lee's reaction was practically visceral, though neither spoke a word as heavy silence fell over the small office.

"Am I... am I still needed, sir?" It was Professor Park whose voice broke through the tension, everyone having forgotten she was there in the midst of the emotion-filled chaos. "Because if not, then I'm going to go."

"No, I'm just about finished here." Dr. Kim let out a sigh, as if what just transpired had been hard on him out of all people in the room. My blood boiled just looking at him, though I know I had to learn when to speak out and when to bite my tongue as Yoongi had taught me.

"Dr. Kim, is there any way you can reconsi–"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Lee," his booming voice interrupted the frantic professor. "I've said all that I need to say on the matter. I'm not changing my mind."

"Dr. Kim?" I spoke up just as Professor Lee and Professor Park were getting ready to walk out the door. "I–I have something else to tell you. Un-related to this," I threw in when I saw him throw a glance in Lee's direction.

The man sighed before waving them out, leaving his office empty of visitors other than me and Yoongi in the chairs. I wasn't going to let that boy go anywhere.

"Y/N, I'm sorry that the outcome isn't exactly what you wanted but I'm afraid there's nothing I can–"

"Choi Junwoo tried to rape me," I blurted out.

There was a moment's pause as the dean was stunned silent with wide eyes, and out of my peripheral vision I could see Yoongi tense up and inhale sharply next to me.

"W–what–"

"Choi Junwoo," I spoke slowly for him so that he'd understand, "a student here at this university, tried to rape me at a frat party."

I couldn't leave the office without saying it. I couldn't leave the office without telling him. This wasn't just about me or the turmoil or trauma he caused; this was for every other girl in the future who might be a victim of Jun. Though in my heart I truthfully believed he was a good person, and that he really was just intoxicated beyond belief that night, it was still no excuse. If he had rape-tendencies while he was drunk and I didn't speak out about it, then I would be no better when it came to helping other sexual assault victims.

"Are you sure–"

"I found them at the party while he was mid-act," Yoongi jumped in, probably figuring he was already fired so there was nothing left for him to lose when it came to revealing details about our relationship outside of school. "It was... disgusting. I got her out of there immediately, but not before punching that bastard in the face."

"Metaphorically, of course!" I couldn't help but chime in, not wanting an assault charge to be on his record as well.

Thankfully Dr. Kim simply brushed off that minuet detail in favor for the more important issue at hand. "Y/N, what you're telling me will ruin this student's future. Are you absolutely sure you want to file this?"

Despite the anger that swelled up inside of me from him questioning my accusation, I still couldn't help the little trickle of doubt that crept in as I considered his words. At one point, Jun had been a friend... maybe even a potential lover had Yoongi not been in the picture. Dr. Kim was right, this information could potentially ruin his reputation, his education, his record... was I ready to carry the weight of knowledge that I've ruined someone's life forever?

"What are you talking about? Of course!" Yoongi spat an answer before I even had a chance to finish my thoughts. "She told you what happened, didn't she? Why would she speak out about something like this if she was making it up?"

"Maybe a personal vendetta?" The dean shrugged his shoulders. "People will do crazy things for revenge."

Now that got me heated. "The only one who wanted revenge here was Junwoo!" I stood up from my seat to yell. "He liked me and was mad that I turned him down. As if I owed my feelings to him or something! And when I told him no, he forced himself on me?! Is that really the type of message you want to send at this college? You know, since you're so high and mighty on "cooperation"," I did air quotes of sarcasm around my last words, my ears practically steaming with boiling rage.

"We will come out about this story, by the way," Yoongi added in, his voice full of venom. "And how will that look if you tried to keep us silent?"

"You can forget about me attending this university," I hissed.

"Alright, alright, settle down, the both of you," Dr. Kim lowered his hands in a calming manner. "I was not suggesting I buy your silence or anything of that nature. I was simply making sure you wanted to go through with this."

"Yes," Yoongi and I both answered in unison.

The dean nodded his head before clasping his hands together. "Alright."

The rest of the time in the office with spent filling on paperwork on a claim against Junwoo. I'd been given the option to be kept in the loop or even present when everything went down, though I politely declined. I wanted nothing more to do with that boy.

Though it would seem Professor Lee didn't share the same sentiment when it came to me, because as soon as soon as the two of us walked hand in hand into the hallway and Dr. Kim's door was securely shut, she sprung into action.

"You bitch!" She shrieked, not wasting another second as she leaped through the air and onto my body like a crouched tiger that was waiting for the right moment to attack. I felt the pressure of her weight against my chest and the sting of her nails scraping against my cheek, and before I knew it I was stumbling down, down onto the ground with another vicious blow to my jaw that was accompanied by her fist.

It all happened within a matter of seconds, but it wasn't long until I heard Yoongi yell Sara! and then her weight vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

All I could do was stare with wide eyes as Yoongi slammed her shoulders back against the wall, though it was the look in his eyes that caught my attention. I had seen that expression before.

He was about to throw a punch.

"Yoongi, stop!" I cried, summoning all the strength I possessed to push myself to my feet and stumble over to the pair.

Yoongi whipped his head towards me with exasperated, almost wild eyes and his brows knitted in confusion and disbelief. "Y/N, she attacked you!"

"She isn't worth it," I spoke firmly in an attempt to get through to him. "Yoongi, just let it go. She isn't worth the trouble anymore."

It was when I placed a soothing hand against his back that Yoongi finally sighed, his stance visibly relaxing and his hands dropping from Professor Lee's shoulders. "She's right," he spit in a low, venomous tone as he turned back to her and grit his teeth. "Thanks to Dr. Kim, you already got what you deserve."

"Yoongi," there were sudden sobs that were tearing through the hallway, and it took me a moment to realize that Professor Lee was now... crying.

"Yoongi," she continued as she clung onto his shoulders. "Yoongi, I loved you!"

Somewhere deep inside of me, past all the burning hatred for what this woman has done to my life out of pure jealousy, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for her. This was once me, heartbroken over the effects of unrequited love. Yoongi was a very sought-after man, I'd come to realize, and it wasn't about my feelings or Professor Lee's or anyone else's. It was about his.

"Sara," Yoongi sighed, and there was almost a wince in his tone from how hard he was trying to make her understand. "It's over."

"W–what?" The woman was scrambling now. "It doesn't have to be! We can go back to the way things were–"

"There never was a ‘we’!" He ripped her hands from his shoulders. "We were friends, and then you sabotaged my career and Y/N's education. You never once spoke out about your feelings, came forward, handled things like adults," he stressed the last line. "You never once did any of those things! Instead you belittled another woman and cost yourself your job all for a man—someone who until now, was your friend." Yoongi sighed again and shook his head. "I hope you get the help you need, Sara. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally... but that person is not me."

And with that, he put a gentle hand on my back and we walked away.

“Oh my god.”

Those were the first words out of my mouth the second we exited the building, my hands resting on my head in disbelief as I turned to Yoongi. “Holy shit, Yoongi–“

“Shhh,” he instantly consoled me, his arms engulfing me in a comforting hug and my face tucking underneath his chin as he held me close. “We did it, Y/N. It’s all over.”

I stayed in his embrace for a few moments as his words sunk in. It was all over. No more secrets, no more Professor Lee—no more anything.

“B–but your job...” I pulled away to look up at him with a shaky tone, my brows furrowed in concern. “Dr. Kim fired you, he–“

“I resigned, Y/N. There’s a difference.”

“Is there?” I couldn’t help but look up at him with a hopeless expression.

Yoongi simply nodded his head, the picture of nonchalance as if his career hadn’t just changed forever. “Yes. If I had gotten fired, it would look terrible on my resumé should I apply for another teaching position. However, given the circumstances of our arrangement...” he paused, no doubt thinking of Professor Lee, “I suppose he decided to take it easy on us all.”

My shoulders deflated in relief. “Well thank god for that...” I sighed, not even wanting to think of what could’ve happened if Dr. Kim had given us the harshest punishment. In an ironic, twisted way, I suppose I have Professor Lee to thank for that. If she wouldn’t have made my life a living hell, it would’ve been that much worse if Dr. Kim ever found out on his own.

“But none of that even matters to me right now,” Yoongi suddenly snapped, and then in the time it took me to raise an questioning eyebrow he had already grabbed both sides of my face and rammed his lips into mine, the same as he did before we went inside to confront Professor Lee.

Only this time, the kiss was different. It didn’t hold promises and potential; it held freedom. It held the success of finally getting through everything by the skin of our teeth, the relief and the pride and the pure love that we have for each other after overcoming everything that we’ve been through together. I kissed him and I didn’t care who saw—because he wasn’t my professor anymore. There were no invisible chains that bounded us apart. It was just me and him sticking together against all odds. Never in my life did I think I would ever be a part of a relationship so committed, so passionate, so determined. He and I would never stop fighting for each other.

“I love you, Min Yoongi,” I murmured against his mouth with a grin on my features that was hard to disguise—especially when I felt the corners of his lips pull up into that gummy smile that I adored with all of my heart.

“God, I love you too, Y/N,” he replied back with a content sigh, and then he continued to kiss me on the busy campus sidewalk until we were both breathless and blue in the face.

Because we now had nothing to lose.

Despite finally being released from the clutches that school had on us, the days following the meeting with Dr. Kim were not easy.

Other than having to put on a fake smile and continue attending a university where practically everyone knew about my relationship with now-former Professor Min (my mother would never let me drop out—not that I could ever tell her the reason I'd want to, anyways), there were the stresses that Yoongi was dealing with of now being unemployed. And what with all but abandoning my dorm room to instead spend my nights with him at his apartment, it was impossible to not feel the weight of his problems on my shoulders as well. No matter how many times Yoongi tried to put up a façade and reassure me that he was okay, I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault.

"If I just never would've made you dance with me at that club..." I'd say at times, unable to keep from tracing back each and every one of our interactions and blaming myself.

"Cut that out," Yoongi would snap.

"What? It's true!"

"You know I don't like it when you talk like that!" He'd turn to me with a stern tone. "I don't regret anything that happened between us, okay? Not one single bit." There was a heavy silence as his words would hang in the air. "If you wouldn't have asked me to dance, then who knows if I ever would've worked up the courage to kiss you? And I wouldn't be here, sharing this bed with the love of my life."

"Aw, Yoongi..."

And the two of us would make love, again and again until we'd have a similar argument some time later and repeat the whole process all over again. I'd feel guilty, Yoongi would remind me of exactly how much he doesn't regret meeting me, and we'd get lost in each other's embrace.

That is, until a simple Sunday morning suddenly changed everything.

"I got it."

I casually peered over at the sound of him from my spot in the living room, sitting criss crossed on the couch in my pajamas with a laptop in my lap. "What?"

"The job." Yoongi's voice was low, serious as he stared at the paper in his hands that had previously been so carelessly disregarded on the kitchen island along with the Sunday paper. "At the university in Seoul."

"Wait." He had all of my attention now as I sat the laptop on the coffee table and rose to my feet. "Like the Seoul National University university?"

"Yeah," he let out a single chuckle of disbelief before he pressed the paper against the counter and turned to me. "I got the job."

"Oh my god, Yoongi!" I exclaimed with my own chuckle of disbelief before running forward and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms immediately engulfed my waist and lifted me off the ground as we spun around in place, my lips instantly finding his in a searing kiss that was full of passion and excitement to match our current mood. "That's amazing!"

"I know," he replied as he placed me down. A tentative smile was frozen on his lips as he stared off into the distance before letting out another sound of disbelief, his head shaking before his palm slid down his face. "I can't believe it!"

"I'm so proud of you!" I mirrored the grin of pure elation on his features, my chest swelling with joy and relief and most of all, pride.

I was so, so proud of Yoongi. I knew how much his job meant to him, and the feeling of guilt that weighed down on me from knowing that I was the one who inadvertently took that away from him, that I was the one who inadvertently caused all this stress of job hunting was instantly lifted off my shoulders. I knew how much he wanted this. I knew how hard he had worked to get this job at such a prestigious school, and god damn it, I knew how much he deserved it. If Yoongi was anything, apart from being an amazing person and a wonderful lover, he was great at his job. He was a natural born teacher.

Though no matter how many times I've willingly showered him with endless compliments about his work, he'd blush sheepishly and simply swat away all of my words with a simple kiss, or an "if you don't shut up your food is going to get cold. We're unemployed now; we need all the nutrition we can get. Haven't you ever heard of the Great Depression?"

So instead, I just chose to beam at him while he basked in the euphoria of the moment that this job acceptance brought on. After all, I knew he was well aware of how proud of him I was and how supportive I'd always be when it came to anything he wanted to accomplish.

Though the bliss was short lived.

I watched as Yoongi's expression slowly fell, the smile on his face slipping into a deep frown and his eyes turning to stone. "No."

"What?" I furrowed my brows, concern filling me and etching onto my features as I cupped his cheek in my hand, trying to figure out why his mood had changed so suddenly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not taking it." His tone was cold, definitive, as if the subject wasn't even up for debate as he grabbed the letter.

"Wait wait wait," I hurried to stop him from tearing it in half. "What are you talking about? Why not?"

He turned to look at me with cold, incredulous eyes, as if he couldn't believe I was even asking a question so stupid. "The university is in Seoul, Y/N."

"Okay...?" I shook my head in confusion, still not understanding what the issue was. "And?"

"I'd have to move." He was taking the paper back out of my hands and ripping it right down the middle before I got the chance to stop him.

I suddenly deflated, the severity of his words dropping in my stomach and wrapping around the anchor of my heart, sending it down, down, down through the floor of his apartment and hurdling towards the center of the earth.

"...What?"

"I'd have to move away from you."

And there is was, the bomb detonating an explosion and demolishing whatever was left of my heart.

"No... t–there has to be another way, there has to–"

"Seoul is hours away from here, Y/N," Yoongi barked out, his tone angry and harsh as it always was when he was upset. "It's on the other side of the country; there's no way I'd be able to commute without living there."

"Okay, so why did you apply then?" I couldn't help but snap back defensively. "You knew the distance to Seoul prior to applying for the job. Why even bother if you're just going to get pissed about not taking it?!"

"Because I didn't think I'd get accepted!" His voice was loud, almost yelling now. "It's the most sought after, prestigious school in the fucking country and I didn't think some young idiot who got fired from his last job would be able to get in!"

It was silent as his words settled over the atmosphere, clinging to the air that filled the room around us and encasing my lungs until it was impossible to breathe.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I finally hissed. "You're a great teacher, and you know it. If anyone's a young idiot here, it's me!"

Yoongi scoffed with a shake of his head. "I'm the one who kissed you again during that tutoring session after telling you to stay away. I'm the one who fucked you against that desk." His tone was low now, and his eyes seemed to grow harder in realization with each step that he took towards me. "I'm the one who asked to take you out on that fucking date and I'm the one who pulled you onto my lap when Sara caught us in my classroom! God damn it, I'm the one who tracked you down at a fucking frat party and punched one of my students!"

His voice slowly raised until he was yelling again, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was now standing chest to chest and cornering me up against the countertop of the island, I would've winced at the loud volume so close to my ears.

"Stop blaming yourself, Y/N, when I'm the one who was the authority figure. I'm the one who should've had my shit together, but I just couldn't around you!"

I felt myself soften at that. As angry and intimidating as he seemed right now, surely frightening whoever would come into contact with him when he was like this, I knew that it was all a front. Yoongi wasn't the best at dealing with emotional situations—he'd all but bite my head off any time I even tried to mention his father—and sometimes lashed out in anger when he was upset or hurting inside. I knew how badly he wanted this job; I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice when he'd first submitted the application. And now, when the career position of his dreams was finally right under his nose, he couldn't have it. Because I was holding him back.

"You have to take it." My voice was solemn and steady as I stared him in the eyes.

He instantly frowned. "What? No, I–"

"Yoongi."

He fell silent, all signs of anger and malice wiped from his features once he saw just how serious I was being. A soft, bittersweet smile that had nothing to do with happiness slowly tugged at my lips as my eyes gleamed with pain. My heart was breaking with every word I was speaking, but I knew it was something I needed to do.

"You have to take the job."

The silence that ensued my words only further proved my point, simultaneously stabbing a knife into my chest with each passing second. He knew I was right. He knew it. He just didn't want to hear it.

"You don't..." He sounded smaller, more pitiful and confused as he tried to make sense of what I was saying. "You don't want me to stay?"

The hurt, the sadness, the utter hopelessness in his voice absolutely crushed me. I couldn't help but fall into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his chest and squeezing tightly as if I could somehow hold the pieces of him together that I knew were breaking. The severity of what was happening, of what I was doing started to settle within me the moment I heard his voice break.

"I do, baby," I replied, the sound muffled by the skin of his neck that my face was buried in as a sob threatened to claw its way out of my throat and swallow me whole. "God, you know I do. But you can't."

"Y–you can come with me." He was shaking his head now, his hands gripping at the shirt on my back with closed fists while he desperately tried to hold onto me, as if I would disappear beneath him at any moment. "We can move together to Seoul and you can–"

"You know I can't, Yoongi." It was my turn to shake my head, and with it came a heavy tear that fell down my cheek. "I have to go to school. I have a family who's helping pay for my tuition, and my mom— you know it's not all up to me."

I heard him sniffle as he pulled away, and even though I felt no evidence of tears from him against my skin or my shirt, his eyes were bright red when he stared back at me.

"I'm not leaving you, Y/N."

The sheer determination in his voice had me shattering like broken glass. "I'm not letting you do this, Yoongi. I'm not letting you waste this opportunity. Do you know how many people are waiting to work at Seoul University? How many professors would kill to be in your position?" I kept my gaze steadily on his as I slowly shook my head. "I care about you... so fucking much. I've never loved someone so much before... not like this." I paused, asking myself one last time if this was really the decision I wanted to make as my words settled in. I took in the sight of his beautiful, breathtaking features silently begging me not to do this. "I'm putting you above my selfishness," I finally decided with another shake of my head. "You need to do this Yoongi, for you. You know you do."

Yoongi slowly shook his head, though the expression on his face told me he knew I was right. "I don't want to lose you," he spoke as a tear spilled over the brim of his eye, dampening his lashes and leaving a wet streak in its wake as it rolled down his cheek, and the sight was the final breaking point that had me bursting into tears.

"Neither do I."

His fingers dug into my skin as he tightened his grip on my body, his forehead leaning against mine as the only sounds exchanged between the two of us were the unspoken words of labored breaths and soft sobs.

Sometimes when you love someone, you have to do what's best for them.

And I knew this was what's best for Yoongi.

#yoongi fanfic #yoongi x reader #yoongi smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #lmao why am i so impulsive #i decided i was gonna post this all of ten minutes ago and here we are #anyways this will help my peace of mind to know that at least SOMETHING is out there #some sort of closure to the series #not everything i had planned but #it'll do for now #i hope u guys can forgive me for whatever tf this is fjshgdkfd

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vinceaddams · 4 years ago

Note

obvs feel free to keep this private, but I got recommended the UFH channel by a friend of mine, haven't gotten around to watching anything from it. I trust your judgement on the content, but my friend considers it her main resource 🙃 of course, since you only watched a few videos you might not be able to answer this, but was there any specific really bad/unacademic approaches I should keep my eye out for that my friend might have adopted? we work on a historical festival together so im concern

(I was going to answer this privately but then it got really long and turned into a post I want to post.)

Oh dear! Well, It appears that the lady behind that channel only cares about the 20th century, so maaybe she’s got good stuff on the 20th century at least? I don’t know, but the 2 videos that I saw were so incredibly awful that I’m highly suspicious of all her stuff.

The first bad thing about her channel is that her videos all have a one or two sentence caption and nothing else. (I clicked on a few more just to check) No sources listed, no links of any kind except to her merch store. I don’t recall her mentioning any particular sources for any of the things she said in the videos either, she just declared them very matter of factly.

Good historians cite sources! Bernadette Banners’ video on the history of PPE has so many source links she ran out of room in the description box and had to put the rest of them on a page on her website. (Oh poo, now I feel a bit bad because I love Karolina Zebrowska but she really needs to do better with leaving source links. But she does talk about doing research, talk in a more nuanced way, and doesn’t present herself as an expert or academic, unlike the UFH lady.)

Good historians also embrace nuance, and aren’t afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I was wrong”. Presenting things in a “this person did this one big thing, and then this happened, and that caused this” kind of way isn’t good because history is more like “all these things happened and as far as we can tell it appears to have influenced this, which was also connected to this other stuff that we don’t know all that much about”. History is foggy and complicated, no matter how much the general public wants it to be simple.

Her description of herself also seems a bit... misleading? In her about page on youtube it says “Amanda Hallay, a college professor specializing in fashion, costume, and cultural history.” but if you look at the CV linked on her website the only degrees she has are in creative writing and art history. I’m not saying a person can’t be really knowledgable about something without a degree, but her whole online presence is about being a “professor” who teaches this stuff so I find it weird.

And if the 1850′s-60s video is anything to go by, she presents things in a shockingly unprofessional way. She starts off by saying she thinks these fashions are ugly and ridiculous and that she has some “theories of her own” on them. @marzipanandminutiae has a post with a lot more about what was wrong with that video, and a few others I haven’t seen. She claims that hoop skirts were oppressive cages when in reality they were a liberating garment that allowed women to achieve full skirts without the heavy layered petticoats they wore previously.

She posts a photo of a naked lady and says “Now lets start with a beautiful naked lady and cover her up with ugly and unflattering clothes. Now this sexy naked lady isn’t so sexy” I wish I was making this up but that’s almost word for word what she said. Along with a whole lot of untrue or exaggerated stuff about Victorian modesty. She says dresses with layered flounces were called “pagoda dresses”, which isn’t a term that anyone has ever used for those dresses. She says this is cut down from a longer video she uses for teaching class, and I find the thought of this being presented in a classroom quite appalling.

After spending about 95% of the video talking about womens fashion in an extremely condescending and disdainful tone of voice, she posts what appear to be the 5 biggest and most extreme examples of 19th century moustaches she could find, presenting them as if they were what every man looked like.

This part really grinds my gears, because she says “I haven’t said anything about menswear because there’s really not much to say.” She posts photos of suits from 5 different decades and says they’re basically all the same, and also basically the same as a modern suit. Excuse you, there is A LOT of difference between menswear of the 1850′s and the 1890′s. Yes the changes over the decades are more subtle, and the colours are often more subdued than in centuries past, but it is absolutely not (as she claims) “the century when men stopped doing fashion”. I personally am not hugely interested in 19th century mens fashion, and can tentatively date things in the first few decades but after the middle of the century I can’t. But people who are interested and who study that era can tell the decades apart. Because they’re different. And there is SO MUCH to talk about! Suits for different levels of formality, accessories, waistcoats, sportswear, sleepwear, knitwear, swimsuits, loungewear, underwear, etc. are all extremely different from their modern equivalents.

It’s perfectly fine to only study womens fashion if that’s what you’re interested in, but it is not okay to then declare that the history of mens fashion is worthless and nonexistent. Simply not being interested in a thing is no excuse for publicly shitting all over it. (I’ve seen people do this more than once. We already have so few men who do historical fashion stuff! Stop putting off newcomers who might be interested!!)

The fact that her online presence is so closed off is also highly unusual. Comments are turned off for her videos, and the only social media link she has is to a private facebook group. (There is also a link to a fb page, but it appears to have been deleted.) Turning off comments is of course the personal choice of the one posting the videos, but the fashion history side of youtube usually tends towards pretty decent comment threads, and people often have nice little discussions and learn stuff in them. Here it looks like she doesn’t want discussion, doesn’t want to be contradicted or asked for sources, doesn’t want to learn new things.

I had never even heard of this channel until I saw @marzipanandminutiae mention it, nor have I ever heard any of the many historical costumers/youtubers I follow mention it, yet somehow it has 55k followers? I don’t know the demographics that watch it (especially not with the comments turned off!) but I’d wager that videos like the 1850′s-60′s one I suffered through are mainly watched by people who like hearing things trash talked, rather than people who actually want to learn about fashion history. The same sort of people who loved that Beau Brummell twitter thread, which was also full of lies and unsourced garbage. People like to believe the past was way worse and grosser than it was because it makes them feel like we’re smarter and better now.

Lastly, the whole premise of the channel is just bad. Calling any one thing “The Ultimate Fashion History” is a bad idea. Her channel trailer says “Youtube’s number one channel for original fashion history content” “we’ve got it all, fifty thousand years of fashion history”. You can’t have one channel that’s the ultimate resource for ALL of fashion history! It’s a huge, HUGE subject, and even if she did do actual good research she’d barely be able to scratch the surface of fifty thousand years. That’s like saying one channel is the ultimate source for all of science, or all of music, or all of cooking. No one thing can come close to covering all of it. I will deign to admit that she’s at least right to call it “original”, because she has some very original lies I haven’t found anywhere else.

Most people who study fashion history/historical sewing have one or several eras they like best and find most interesting, perhaps with occasional jaunts into other eras. This way we can focus and get a much better understanding of the eras that we find most interesting, rather than just a vague notion of everything.

For example: I’m most interested in 18th century menswear, and so far have mainly researched and sewn 1785-95 stuff, and more recently some 1730′s. I usually focus on fashionable civilian clothing, so I don’t know as much about working class clothes, and next to nothing about military and other occupational dress. Even with this narrow area of interest, which I’ve been obsessed with for many years, I still have so much to learn! I could never make anything claiming to be the ultimate source for 18th century menswear, because I’m just one person focusing on some aspects, and there are other people out there who research other aspects of it and their work is just as important. It’s all so big and so much, even if you narrow it down to one era.

Amanda Hallay is basically holding up a bucket of saltwater and calling it the ocean.

I haven’t watched any of her 20th century videos, so maybe they’re better than the older ones I watched. I don’t know. (But even if they’re actually good they still don’t have source links.) Edit: okay, nope, turns out they’re just as bad! They appear to make up the vast majority of her videos, so if she’s most interested in the 20th century then maybe she should just... make her channel more clearly 20th century focused instead of trying to paint it as a channel for all eras?

TL;DR, the main bad things about that channel are:

Lying and making ridiculous claims, not citing ANY sources. Spouting easily debunked myths.

Stating things matter of factly without any nuance, even though history is foggy and complicated.

Being extremely judgemental about historical fashions and talking about how much she hates them and thinks they’re ugly, which really isn’t appropriate for a fashion history teacher. You can hear the disgust in her voice and it’s awful and I hate it.

Comments turned off on all her videos, leaving no way to communicate or have public discussions. Unknowing viewers are left to accept her statements as fact without any outside opinions.

Claiming one channel is the ultimate channel for an incalculably enormous subject. Says it covers 50,000 years of fashion history when it’s mostly just the 20th century.

I would like to add that I am not what I would consider an expert either, and have no formal education in fashion history beyond the one college class that was part of my 2 year sewing course. I have learned mainly from books and the internet, and as I said earlier I still have a huge amount to learn. I’m sure a more knowledgable historian could put things better than I have.

But I’m confident in stating that primary sources are needed to back up a claim! Sometimes even widely accepted beliefs turn out to be entirely unfounded myths, like that one about doctors using vibrators to treat “hysteria”. Total nonsense someone made up in 1999.

Wow this post got way longer than intended. Anyways, yes, I do not like condescending slideshow lady.

#dongiovannitriumphant #ask #irksome things #fashion #history #long post

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parkersharthook · 3 years ago

Text

Love For All

Peter Stark-Rogers & Stark-Rogers!reader (twins)

warnings: mentions of drinking/being drunk, pretty fluffy

1.8k+ words

series masterlist

a/n: happy pride month (lol I queued this in february just so I didn’t forget to post it) anyways im bi and pls know my page is a safe space for everyone 💗💜💙

Fluffy piece where Tony and Steve are chosen as the grand marshalls for the pride parade and it becomes a family affair.

“this just in, you all officially have the coolest dads in history!” Tony bellowed as he dramatically entered the common space, Steve right behind him with a plethora of eye rolls.

Right as you were about to protest, Bucky chimed in, “neither of you are my father.”

“with the way I’ve saved your sorry ass? Might as well be.”

“saved my sorry ass? Oh Stevie, have you forgotten who pulled your ass out of every back alley fight you got into? Or have the years 1932 to 1941.”

“I did not start a fight in 1932!” Steve argued back, hands placed firmly on his hips.

“bullshit! 5 years old, playground 2 blocks over, Arthur Williams.”

Steve frowned slightly, “damn I forgot about that.”

Beside you Peter snorted, “you got into a fight when you were 5?”

“Wow darling, you came out of the womb with righteous indignation didn’t you?” Tony added with a small smirk as he moved to rest against the back of the couch.

Steve threw his hands up in defeat, “oh haha laugh it up. Yes I’m old, yes I’m stubborn. Can we please just go back to how we’re cool?”

“Wait before that, back to the ‘not my fathers thing’ does this mean you see yourselves as the team fathers? Because if you’re adopting more people, I want in!” Clint said cheerfully.

“Sorry we capped out at four.”

You stuck your tongue out at Clint with a little ‘ha ha’ because you were mature like that. “anyways… why do you think you are the coolest dads? I wanna get my rebuttal in soon.”

Tony bopped the back of your head playfully as he dropped a very rainbow piece of paper into your lap. Peter instantly leaned into your space to read it. You pushed him back with a shove to the forehead. “relax nerd I’m gonna read it out loud.”

“hurry up I’m getting antsy.” You threw an unimpressed look at Clint who had practically crawled into Bucky’s lap to get closer, not that Bucky minded.

“Chill.” You smoothed out the paper and held it up, “All hail the next Grand Marshals of NYC Pride, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. We are happy to formally announce the two superheroes and super husbands as our fearless leaders of the float parade this year.”

“That’s the public announcement they put out, turn it over to read the letter they sent us.”

“Dear Mr. Anthony and Steven Stark-Rogers, we are so excited to welcome you into our NYC Pride Parade family. As this year’s appointed Grand Marshals it is both our duty and pleasure to pass the Pride Baton over to you. Included in this letter you will find the rules and expectations of our Grand Marshals, as well as what is permitted for first floats. We would love if you extended this invitation to your entire circle of family and friends to join you in the parade and on your float.”

You put the paper down and tilted your head back to stare at your dad, “you? Grand Marshal? Really?”

“What’s so shocking about that?”

“umm…. You’re old and not cool.”

Bucky sputtered a laugh beside you as Tony bopped you on the head again.

“Was this your way of telling us to come to pride with you?” Peter asked.

Steve shook his head as he flopped into a nearby loveseat, “actually this was our way of telling you that we need your help coming up with ideas for the float and how to decorate it. But of course we want you to join us on the float, we’ll be inviting the rest of the team as well.”

“I’ll help decorate but Bi-derman is making another appearance this year.”

Tony slapped his forehead, “can you take your old suit at least? The paint was a bitch to get off last time.”

Peter rolled his eyes, “the old suit chafes.”

You grimaced, “I hate this conversation.”

“I think you should do a dog themed float, Lucky can be our mascot.”

Bucky sighed, “of course that’s your suggestion.”

“what about the history of pride? Recognizing the Stonewall Riots and the two black transgender females that started it all. Plus then we can also advocate for Black Lives Matter. Make it clear that to support one, you have to support the other. Educate and entertain.”

Tony smiled, “that’s not a bad idea y/n.”

Steve looked at you with hopeful eyes, “are you willing to help organize and coordinate?”

“can I invite friends to help?”

“yes.”

You smiled, “then yes.”

------

“when I said organize and coordinate, I didn’t mean take over the conference room we use regularly for avengers meetings.” Steve said with a deep sigh

“it’s the only one with a vending machine.” MJ helpfully pointed out, taking another large bite of her pizza slice.

“yeah it was the only way to get Clint to sit through meetings without leaving to get food.” Steve explained as he stepped into the room and took in the large array of papers everywhere. The four teenage girls that occupied the room were all busy with one thing or another, looking intense and determined.

MJ snorted, “figures.” Her hand ghosted over the page again, dragging the pencil with it and creating another addition to her sketch.

Steve’s brow furrowed for a moment and he took a step closer to get a better look, “is that me?”

MJ nodded coolly but offered no other explanation. Betty huffed a laugh, “we’re trying to design both you and Mr. Stark crown-like head pieces.”

“crowns?”

You rolled your eyes, “Pops, you really do only hear what you wanna hear. Crown-like head pieces. I know dad would go for a full ass crown but I knew you wouldn’t and we want you two to match.”

Steve studied the photos of celebrities that were projected on the wall. “and that?”

“The 2018 Met Gala. Theme: heavenly bodies. There were a bunch of great head pieces that night, we’re using it for inspiration.” Gwen supplied, “let us know if there’s any you like.”

“I wanna go in a Cardi B direction.” You stated without taking your eyes off your computer screen, you’ve obviously already committed every possible headpiece to memory.

“don’t taint his selection with bias!” Betty cried

MJ waved her off easily, “there’s no way he knows who Cardi B is.”

“thanks for the confidence MJ.” She just smiled cheekily at him.

“I think he should choose something like what Frances McDormand was wearing.” Gwen stated with a small smile

MJ laughed, “as much as I think that would look amazing, there’s no way he’s picking that.”

“who’s this?”

You barely had to glance at the photo to recognize the red and gold dress and of course the iconic headpiece, “Black Lively.”

“Okay well I like that, it’s simple.”

“what about…” Gwen drawled as she typed something and new photo, a larger one, took over the whole wall, “Something like SZA’s?”

Steve took a step back and grimaced slightly, “it’s kinda… big.”

“But if it were smaller?” Gwen pressed politely

“I suppose.” Steve glanced around at the four girls. “You guys have a lot of stuff planned.”

“Oh yeah.” You looked up with a big grin, meeting your dad’s eye. “It’s gonna be great.”

“You’re not designing us costumes too are you?”

“Well Tony specifically said not too and that he already had something planned.” MJ said before eyeing Steve up and down with the critical eye of an artist, “But we could design something if you wanted us too.”

“No, I kinda of already have a plan too.”

You rose a questioning brow, “oh yeah? Please tell me you’re not going to be wearing something boring.”

Steve rolled his eyes at you and obnoxiously bumped his hip into your side as he walked out, “I’m not clueless on how to dress for Pride. Plus, I like dressing up for it, it’s fun. And it’s not something we got to do back then. I’m planning on taking full advantage.” And with that he walked out dramatically and closed the door.

Betty laughed slightly, “ten bucks that he paints the shield.”

Gwen shook his head, “No way. I think he’s gonna wear one of the flags as a cape.”

MJ clicked her tongue, “I know for a fact he’ll be wearing his ‘trans rights are human rights’ shirt.” Pause. “and probably his rainbow pants.”

You looked at MJ with a perplexed expression, “why do you know about my dad’s rainbow pants?”

MJ smirked slightly, “he wore them to pride a few years ago. Plus, me and peter talk about things. You’re not the only Stark-Rogers twin I hang out with.”

Gwen obnoxiously nudged Betty with her elbow and a large wink, “Oh yeah… she talks to Peter.” MJ scowled at the two as you snickered behind your hand.

MJ grumbled slightly, “let’s just get back to work.” It was silent in the room until the three other girls heard MJ mumble, “I never have to deal with this at college.”

You burst into a fit of laughter.

------

Pride was without a doubt a 100% success.

The float looked great. The area had already been swept for trouble. One Grand Marshal was moderately drunk. And Everyone was dancing and partying. Perfect.

Even the float attendees looked great. Clint was the brightest of the all. With no shirt on, glitter all over his chest, a rainbow tutu around his hips, tight purple booty shorts underneath, knee high socks with the pan pride flag on them, plus his signature purple converse… he looked good.

You’ve been snickering every time you catch Bucky not so subtlety looking Clint up and down. But that being said, Clint was doing the same to Bucky because he had someone managed to get the stoic and whiney super soldier into a rainbow button down. Nothing else, as that wasn’t Bucky’s jam. He paired the shirt with simple jeans but you were sure that he would be covered with glitter later.

Peter had been swinging around the parade, his first Stark suit now painted a vibrant pink, purple, and blue. Plus there was a large, messily painted on heart over where the spider sat in the middle of his chest.

You and all your friends had taken up the dance floor on the float, and if you said so yourself, you all were killing the dance moves.

Tony was more than tipsy because Bruce was on babysitting duty tonight for Morgan, so he let himself go and lean heavily against his husband, who just grinned at him all lovingly.

In the end, it was a good day. You threw beads and candy to the crowd, joining them at times for drinks and dance parties. You laughed endlessly with your friends and your family. And yeah… it was a good day.

Plus, all your friends had been correct.

Steve wore his trans shirt in solidarity with the ongoing movements and the float.

He wore his rainbow pants because they were “super fashionable y/n” and to support everyone.

He painted his shield purple, blue, and pink to show off his own sexuality and support Peter.

And he had a pansexual flag tied around his neck to match with Tony’s pink, yellow, and blue shirt.

He looked great.

#marvel #spiderman #reader #peter stark rogers #peter parker #superfamily #reader insert #peter parker & reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #superfamily fanfiction #superfamily imagine #reader fanfiction #reader imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #stark!reader #stark-rogers!reader #emma writes

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lansizhuis · 4 years ago

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I’m seeing so many posts lately on how problematic and fetishising danmei is and I feel very discouraged...danmei has helped me feel more confident in my own sexuality and I never thought it was a bad thing. Can you elaborate on what some people think is wrong about danmei? Thank you

disclaimer: my response is specific to my own experiences so it’s def not a universal thing but perhaps can hopefully be considered as another perspective. and whelp im on mobile so i cant add the read more function, imma edit this when i wake up

I think this is almost the same “issue” with JP yaoi genre and how much the West have vilified the term “fujoshi”. This issue has a long af history so let me just redirect you to this short collection of threads about it. Anyhow, connecting it to danmei which now deals with CN culture on the take of BL, I think it’s a lot about outsiders to said culture demanding they be put in the spotlight aka if it’s not THEIR standard then it’s “wrong” and is therefore ~problematique~. This kind of baby activism which is performative at best mainly takes root in the Western ideology/society. I’m not saying all Westerners are like this but that a large chunk of the really loud ones are most often than not — them. I’m not even going to touch the whole fiction vs reality mentality yet (again, the relationship between the two is CORRELATION and NOT CAUSATION) but would focus mainly on nuances.

An example on why they call danmei ~problematique~ is calling the “shixiong/shidi/etc” relationships as “incest” bc they “practically grew up together”. Martial siblings in CN cultural context are NOT the same as regular siblings. A very specific example I can think of is MDZS’ Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian (disclaimer: i don’t personally ship them romantically) who have the dashixiong-shidi relationship and are “martial siblings” but NOT (blood) siblings. Wei Wuxian is technically still an outsider to the Jiang family bc he isn’t theirs by blood. And trust me on this — relationship by blood is a BIG DEAL for this cultural context.

One of the examples on why they call danmei ~fetishizing~ is when the couple goes beyond the fluff aka having sexual intercourse of any kind. At the top of mind, the most recent discourse I saw was how antis were trying to cancel STARember (tgcf manhua artist) for making Hua Cheng sucking out the poison from Xie Lian “too sexualized” (whatever their standard is) even if it actually happened in the novel but you don’t see the same comments when they read the novel. This reminded me of when fans in EN fandom who are fluent in CN mentioned that Xie Lian gave Hua Cheng a blowjob in the temple when the ghosts were lowkey losing their shit and even gave “evidences” of it and a lot in the fandom got mad because of the same reason. These are cases of people demanding that LGBT+ content should only be “palatable” when it’s not always sunshine and daisies otherwise they’re going to brand it “fetishizing”.

Another example is the anger for when one half of the couple calls the other “wife” because it’s “forced heteronormativity” plus “fetishization”. For one, I personally know gay people who call their partners “wife” bc it’s their term of endearment and yknow most of the time it’s as simple as that. In addition to danmei context, we don’t really use or have a rule that the one being called “wife” (from those what I’ve read – 老婆) as something equal to “bottoming” but more on a ‘personality trait’ for the lack of a better word. A very specific example in mind is how Zhenhun’s Zhao Yunlan calls Shen Wei his “wife” bc Shen Wei is the one who can cook, actually cleans, etc. Note that Zhao Yunlan IS the shou/bottom which is even more contrary to the argument that wife = bottom. Of course there’s context to each story so this is not a blanket rule but just goes to show a sound point against those making a universal statement of anger against the term “wife”.

There’s a whole lot more and I definitely did not cover deeper cultural nuances but the answer got too long already haha

OKAY SO MAIN POINTS:

1. Danmei is a genre with thousands of titles under its belt — some may be considered “bad” or “good”, etc much like how in English Literature, we have “good” and “bad” ones. I bet you that those who make universal blanket statements against it hasn’t even read more than 10 novels.

2. A lot don’t understand that it’s more than okay to not like certain tropes or certain novels without having to justify it with “woke” issues. My friends have some novels I’m not very into and I have some novels they themselves are not very into. It’s normal. Human beings are, after all, different from each other in a lot of ways. What’s not okay is propagating hate over fictional preferences. Trust me, literally everything can be ~problematique~ if we try to reach hard enough.

3. MOST IMPORTANTLY — your experience with danmei is not going to be the same with the rest of the world AND YOU ARE VALID. It’s not totally about the content we consume but majorly on how we process it that matters the most. If you’re able to be more accepting of yourself with it, then that’s amazing! If others don’t feel the same then they should drop it and leave others alone who had better processing.

#lansizhuistalks #answers #anon #whelp it became a bit too long and yet still lacking SORRY

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alexbfmp · 4 years ago

Text

Week 1 - Start of Project

My chosen 10 words are:

Surface - The surface is the outside of anything. The earth, a basketball, and even your body have a surface. A surface is the top layer of something. - This can be expanded more than just seeing the outside of something, you can dive deep with in the surface of something or someone where there can often be more meanings for things or discover elements that make something whole.

Showing the surface and an insight beneath - powerful imagery impact

Insight into the anatomy of the surface -

Microscopic view of the ice surface - immersive and detailed look into what creates the surface/ exterior of something that can result in more beauty shining from beneath

Environment - The circumstances, objects, or conditions by which a person or more is surrounded by - country, buildings, nature, situations etc but also can mean the complex of physical, chemical, and biotic factors (such as climate, soil, and living things) that act upon an organism or an ecological community and ultimately determine its form and survival.

Palettes and Patterns - The range of colours used by a particular artist or in a particular picture that uses a repeated decorative design - some artists stick to one set of colours as their ‘trademark colours’ often playing around with the similar patterns but re arranging them with the use of layering, geometry and colour order. In other occasions patterns/ colour palettes would be often repeated and used with in a certain time period - e.g. the 80′s with lots of bold, colourful, crazy and detailed patterns- mainly found on clothing

Identity - Identity is who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you. An example is a person's name or the traditional characteristics of an American. It can showcase the way people want to live their life as an individual, making it their own through self expression. It can also relate to people loosing themselves and detreating

Revolution - a sudden. complete or fundamental change in political organization - government or ruler and the substitution of another by the governed. It can also mean the activity or movement designed to effect fundamental changes in or about situations.

Interior/ Exterior - Interior commonly refers to the inside of something. E.G. An auditorium inside a Theatre or place that lies far inland from a coast or border is said to lie in the ‘interior’ of a country. On the other hand, Exterior is part or the surface of an outside appearance. Another example is representation (as on stage or film) of an outdoor scene - a scene filmed outdoors. It hand tie in with the word ‘Surface’ as it can be referred to the exterior of a person - their appearance

Urban - It most commonly is in relation to a city. In that sense, the term may refer to as an urban area, geographical area distinct from rural areas. urban culture, the culture of towns and cities.

Renaissance - The Renaissance was an Art period in European history marking the transition from the Middle Ages to modernity and covering the 15th and 16th centuries through paintings, sculptures/ statues as well as style of clothing.

Dystopia - It is an imagined state or society in which there is great suffering or injustice, typically one that is totalitarian or post-apocalyptic. It can branch of into many different situations - Environmental destruction, Nuclear Disaster, Government control, Religious Control, Technological Control, Survival, Loss of Individualism.

Repetition - Repetition is the simple repeating of a word, within a short space of words, with no particular placement of the words to secure emphasis. It can also be used with in art and patterns e.g. wallpaper repeat designs to create interesting and visually exiting arrangements. Repetition is also used in everyday life, people get advice to follow repeatedly to stay strong and keep going everyday. It also can come into terms with an activity of some sort that a person may do over and over again each day - watch tv, eat food, perform in a show etc

I narrowed my first initial 10 words down to the 5 that I am most keen to use as my theme for my project. I feel with these words, I would be able to come up with some interesting ideas and exiting outcomes.

Surface

Palettes and Patterns

Identity

Interior/ Exterior

Environment

Week 1 Evaluation

Media, skills, processes and techniques - Evaluative section on – Media, skills, processes and techniques that were used/explored – what was learnt – how wide ranging research informed this - and how these met the purpose of the proposal? First section – your planning, themes, specialism and how you have been working.

During this week I used the internet and my blog to research and present the first lot of work for my project. This gave me a look into different topics and words to look into to see what sparked my interests and could potentially be one of the words I pick for my theme/ concept for this project.

Purpose/ theme/concept – Evaluative section on the FMP development – the thought processes – the struggle to solve a problem the journey of change and learning – why decisions were made and for what purpose - what is the point/function of the work?. How the FMP could be further developed in ambitious and innovative ways?

The main goal this week in regards to FMP development was to explore the different avenues that I could take my project down and what I personally am starting to feel that could then lead me onto ideas etc.

One of the main themes that appealed to me the most is the ‘Patterns and Palettes’. I feel like this could be a really interesting route for me to go down and reminds me of the work im familiar working with - the word pattern reminds me of the sewing patterns and fabric designs i work with - on the other hand, the palette portion reminded me of the different use of colour combinations and look to a garment/ costume whether that be as a whole or a specific detailed section. This then led me on to having the idea of creating some form of garment that I could incorporate the patterns throughout the surface of the outcome.

What are you planning for next week? – How and what are you doing?

I am really keen on the whole garment design idea with the incorporation of the patterns and palettes so i am going to create a couple of rough designs experimenting with colour schemes and patterns. I will also include visual inspiration collages from ideas that inspire me to create my outcome as well as looking into colour palettes and what colour combinations compliment each other.

Further Research - Looking into style of garments

To get a further insight into the different style of garments created, I decided to look at some of the best garments/ dresses from the Oscars awards ceremony. This is one of the biggest events to happen every year and always a place to see fresh, new and visually exiting outfits.

The first look that appealed to my taste was from 1982 where Debbie Allen was seen in a white, fully embellished slit fit dress. Although it a moderately simple dress, the fully embellished work on the piece as a whole takes it to another level of ‘Glam’ which is what I feel I am going into the direction for my creation.

Another garment that was embellished and very fitting with one of my chosen themes ‘Patterns and Pallets’ is this gorgeous embellished pattern dress worn by Jessica Chastain in 2013. Its very clear to see that the garment has many different pattern panels which creates such a stunning yet striking look as a whole but not overwhelming. I feel like this is my inspiration to move forward for my project and what i envision something similar to be as my final outcome.

One of the more plain, simple but effective looks that I saw was a black lace and tulle fit and flare garment worn by Jenifer Lawrence in 2016. There is something really beautiful about the simplicity of the dress but also still feel very detailed with the design through the lace and pleats of tulle. I love the way the subtle lace top portion of the bodice gradually blends into the more elaborate bottom half of the dress. Again, this style is something id love to incorporate and maybe embellish the top lace part with beads and crystals so it would be coherent with the fully beaded bottom portion of some sort.

Lastly, one of my other favourites was a beautiful and simple shaped garment with 3D flower elements cascading all over the dress which was worn by Kate Blanchett in 2016. The 3D appliques add such a creative and almost artsy/ crafty style to the gorgeous simplicity of the dress creating a beautiful floral image to look at. This could protentional give me inspiration to add other 3D elements besides just the beads and crystals.

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augujerdeer · 4 years ago

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Hi! I'm new to systems and things like this.. uh. What does your headspace look like? Or do you have a history with yours. I dunno what to do for mine...

Oh hey! Sorry we haven’t responded kdbjdb

Uhh honestly our headspace is a Little Big so, im not sure where to start.. it’s not very simple to explain since we have a map’s worth of area to cover! And each place has it’s own Feel and stuff. I’ll try to be a bit brief- maybe going through our Headspace History (HH /j)

So along time ago, we only had the Meadow, and for the OG members, they thought it was all we had. Then over time and after some exploring, it grew! Well, it didn’t grow, but they started exploring and finding new stuff. Then Jaiden made the mansion, and it kind of explodes from there until it slowed down again sicne we all had no interesting in exploring anymore

RIP desktop users. Mobile users, freel free to tap the image and zoom in!

It’s not accurate but this is what we have today. It’s VERY Huge. We even have a second planet, but we don’t really visit that nymore, nor do we want to. On the other side of the world, i know there’s a beach.. but we haven’t gone more than a year though with how Big this map is, do know that there’s trees and LOTS of unexplored areas! We don’t have NPC’s other than Small critters like mice, rabbits, owls, fireflies, bugs, birds, etc! So we don;t have predators either, but it’s possible there are wolves in the mountains.. I am NOT going to try and confirm that. The other NPC’s we have are the Robots in the ruined City. They are NOT friendly! theyre 3+ stories high, and look liek a GIANT marble on stilts that can shoot lasers. I don’t wanna go into detail unless anyone asks specific questions. There’s just TOO many stuff to talk about it one post haha

I will go into the mansion though

This is the mansion, or the main oarts of it at least! Ignoring the interior, this is it! It started with only the main room at first, but expanded to have a tall corridor with Alven’s arrival. Then people just started adding rooms from there. It’s VERY tall! It’s taller than a 2-3 story HOUSE in there. It’s so tall, Peter could practice swinging using the huge coloumns dkhdkh. It’s also very long, so if you don’t run, you won’t reach the end after a while.

The interior for the main room and Tall corridor is very Victorian and Elegant. So lots of golds and whites for the main room. In tne Tall Corridor, it has a lot of cool colors- purples and darker but not edgy-reds. There’s almost a permanent sun/moon ray from the windows flowing into the floor.

When we (the teens) started moving in this year, I’m pretty sure Jaiden didn’t fill up the whole corridor just because there’s so many of us. So he made our own living quarters sub-room

The way the mansion works, is that it;s always bigger on the inside. So no matter how small thae main room might be, once you open a door, it’s bigger than what it might feel like from the outside. Also, for the mansion- it has no exterior. On the outside, it’s two big doors. But yeah, if you look outside the windows, you see the meadow. Which is weird... because one time, someone crashed into Jaiden’s room via the window from the outside- but my brain hurts trying to explain how that’s possible

The above is a VERY crude simplified version of our living hallways!! I’m too lazy to draw and assign which door is what- but MJ and Peter’s doors are across the hall from/in front of each other. Me and kris have rooms next to each other, and so on. The interior here is like a cozy and simple hotel, and we all have our own rooms.

Here’s our old post about our headspace! Some updates are:

Farmhouse: nobody lives there anymore; Jamie moved in to a deeper level of the mansion somewhere only Cahra and Jaiden can get to properly

The Bunker: empty... everyone moved out and into the Mansion (Withe the exception of Matthew but he’s.. dormant now)

Toriel’s cottage: described as a very otherworldy area not because it’s alien, but because it feels so nice and calm, that it feels unreal. The sun shines so nice and peeks through the trees in a pretty way all the time

Crowley’s apartment: we don’t know where it is and we never will

General stuff about our headspace:

Jamie discovered it more than made it. Not all of us can edit or make things from thin air but some people can! (see: Jaiden and Crowley).

Some areas we didn’t make, and just appeared with more exploration OR when someone splits. Toriel didn’t make her cottage, it was just like the brain made it for her without us asking. Same for Fluttershy. For Crowley, he had to make his apartment and Bentley from scratch

After that, I can’t give much advice for your headspace <:-) meditation is definitely key, and trying to connect to your headspace more might help! From what we;ve seen, every system has different “headspace rules” (like for example some behave very realistic where instead of summonign a sofa, they need to order one or build one ikea style. For us, we have magic, some don’t, etc)

The headspace is a ‘pwerful’ place!! So With enough practice you should be able to make small things if not big things. What you wanna add, go for it! If it’s big and permanent, then talking to your system members and asking for what they might like can give you ideas!

#Ask #anon #headspace #innerworld #long post #from sal #the inly reason we have ‘a lot of history’ i think is just because we’ve ‘been a system so long/discovered we were a system a long time ago’#that we end up expanding without thinking #like with any history your timeline grows as you keep going #excuse my typos #kris turned off autocorrect a long time ago

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elliot-orion · 4 years ago

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Can you answer 1, 5, and 44 for all those characters you mentioned?

heck yea! thanks! this is going to get very long tho so brace yourselves lol. I’m going to do them grouped by characters.

Ben

1. What is one word to shut them up?

I’m going to assume this means like a word that gets them to stop talking for a not so great reason and not just “quiet!” but i might be wrong and just be in the mood for some angst. For Ben, it’s kind of moot because they don’t talk, but saying anything at all with an angry tone would definitely get them to freeze up.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear.

Oh my god you have no idea how perfect this question is because fear is a Huge aspect of this story considering Ben is Nightmare and their powers completely revolve around fear. Ok so, surface fear is sleeping, which has a very not surface level reason, but i’d still count it. They will do fucking anything to not sleep (tho funny enough they don’t drink caffeine, it sends their powers all wack). A repressed fear... hmm im not sure if this means like a fear they don’t acknowledge or fear that they have but don't know the reason for. I’m going to go with it just being a slightly less bad but still big fear, and/or something they don’t know the reason for but still are afraid of if i can think of something. So for repressed fear, it’d be showing their wrists. They don’t know why it’s so anxiety provoking for them, they never cut and their only bad scars are on their neck not their wrists, but if they aren’t wearing long sleeves or dont have bracelets covering their wrists then they get antsy and anxious. For Deep Dark Fear, i could list just about any of the fears Carter left them with, sure, but the Carter shit really falls under the “trauma” category rather than simple “fear” category since the reason they are afraid of shit like making noise and people being mad is because of their trauma. So i’m going to go with their powers. Their powers scare the shit out of them, partially bc they literally see and hear everyone’s worst nightmares whenever they are near someone. they are constantly surrounded by fear and always have been. that’s fucking awful honestly. but also bc when THEY get scared, other people suffer since they are an empathetic type. and they dont want to hurt anyone. So... yea.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

We’re back to the sleep thing here. god this kid needs a five day nap, they are always exhausted. But dreams are Carter’s domain, and if they sleep, he can find them, hurt them, whatever he wants. So they can’t, not until Carter is gone.

Oliver

1. What is one word to shut them up?

Ollie has a few words/phrases that almost always will send them into the past at some point. “Duck!” or “Grenade!” or anything that might be shouted on a battlefield, certain quotes from historical figures, some names or dates, stuff like that. He goes nonverbal when he’s particularly lost, so that’s a surefire way to get him to shut up.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear.

Ok so, surface-level is ovens. He will not use an oven, or any microwaves, or any kitchen appliances that could start a fire. He also refuses to take a bath and prefers someone being in the other room when he takes showers. This is 100% because he gets lost in time so easily that he’ll forget what’s going on in the present time. I cannot stress to you how many times this kid has almost set his house on fire bc he got lost in 1620 and forgot he had the oven on. Baths usually make him head back to a time with lots of water, be it in the middle of a fucking ocean or during a flood or whatever, and he hates that bc usually, he doesn’t show up in a nice safe place and he’ll feel exactly like he’s drowning even if he isn’t physically drowning. Showers he slips a lot in for similar reasons, hence why he prefers someone who’s listening nearby. For repressed fear, he’s afraid of dying, even if he acts fine with it. No one acknowledges it besides the other Elementals, but Oliver is the Time Elemental. Time isn’t a recognized Element, but the Elementals just Know. Even though he’s just 18, he’s only got a few years left, and he’s just got to put on a brave face bc there’s not much he can do about it. For Deep Dark Fear, he’s terrified of losing the remaining time he’s got left. Even though he’s only 18, because of PlotTM, he’s only got a couple of years before he burns up, and he’s terrified to lose it.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

Watch documentaries. Funnily enough, Ollie is a massive history nerd, always has been, and he used to watch a ton of documentaries before he got his powers. But even nature or space ones will inevitably make him forget when he is, and so he can’t watch any. He also can’t read any historical fiction books (which sucked when he was younger, his favorite book series had been the Magic Treehouse) for a similar reason. He can read history textbooks, though, since they just list facts and dont show footage or make it seem like it IS that time.

Morty

1. What is one word to shut them up?

hmm. tricky... Let’s go with Hotspot. If you’ve read sparks fly, you get why.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear.

Surface level is probably dogs. He’s been attacked by multiple dogs, multiple times since most animals don't vibe with his whole dark aura of death thing. But getting attacked by dogs is the one that stuck most. He gets nervous around Ollie’s service dog, Edison, but Edison is so well trained he just doesn’t care and being near him actually helps Morty with that fear. Repressed fear is definitely death. Which yea, i know, that’s weird considering he’s the death elemental but hear me out. 1 unlike sparky who gets overwhelmed by too much electricity, Morty gets basically drunk when he’s around too much death. Hospitals, battlefields, large graveyards, etc, and the thing is, he loves that feeling. and it scares him how much he loves it, partially bc he knows what the last death elemental was like and doesn't want to be like them (for reference, the guy went on a mass murder spree and started a couple of civil wars since the death elemental will live until the high rates of death stop, even if it’s past when Elementals normally die and you know they didn’t want to die). 2 Morty’s very existence is a sign that mass death is coming but there are no wars going on and that scares the shit out of him. 3 One Eye literally planted the fear of his powers, killing, and death in his mind to try and limit the damage he could cause and to prevent another situation like the last death elemental. For Deep Dark Fear, Morty is terrified that he can’t trust his own memories or even what he knows about himself. One Eye manipulated his memories and mind so so much and for so long. Morty’s always doubting what he knows and what he believes bc its not like One Eye HASNT planted shit, and he’s always on edge bc he doesnt even feel safe in his own damn mind.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

As of the start of the story? Be with Ben. For most of the time the two have known each other, they were online friends, until they both ran away together when they were 17. But about 4 months ago Morty left to go back to the SA headquarters, even though it’s literally part of his biggest fear to go back, because Ben was facing a double threat of either Carter getting them, or the SA, and Morty is determined to get the SA to leave them alone (ok technically the Supers Association and Heroes do leave them alone bc One Eye is scared shitless of Ben, but they send assassins like Scout and Hall after them all the fuckin time, and not all of them have sorta morals like the triad). In general tho, hear Ben’s voice. He just wants Ben to feel safe. (Morty is a fucking romantic no matter how tough he likes to act i swear)

I’ve got to do my interview now and this post is long enough as is, so I’ll do the same questions for Matty and Blue afterwards!! thanks!!

#asks #ben #oliver #morty

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forgottenrealmsrp · 6 years ago

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Hello, I am very new to DnD and I would really like some tips on how to play and roll for certain things (Im not too good with examples) etc. etc.

Howdy! Mod Nate here coming at you with some Tips for Beginners. There’s a hell of a lot to cover that I cannot fit into one post (because, let’s be honest, that would be a nightmare), but I will try my best. So, without further ado, hold onto your butts.

The Three R’s

I find there are three main aspects to remember (and master!) when starting off in DnD or other such TTRPG’s. You can sort them into three categories:

Rules,

Rol(l/e)s, and

Roleplaying

Of course there are heaps of other things to consider in game, but for a beginner, it can get overwhelming very quickly, so we’ll just stick to the Three R’s for now.

Rules

What better thing for a game than rules! The first thing you hopefully would have done if you were gearing up for your first game is to get your hands on a Player’s Handbook (For DnD 5e), or your RPG’s respective rulebook. Hobby stores, book stores, libraries, even video game shops might stock a physical copy of our favourite WotC volumes, but you can also secure them online wherever you may find them.

Once you have your grubby little goblin hands on a handbook, give it to a friend, and have them read it to you. If that gets too boring, have them explain the rules in detail - you’ll need a pen and a notebook! If that is too time-consuming or - more likely - you don’t actually have any friends, you’ll have to settle for a hurried and often last-minute explanation of the core mechanics of the game, the finer details of which will be left unaddressed until you get your creative spirit crushed by your mean Dungeon Master, or local rules lawyer.

(Remember kids, if you aren’t sure of where to locate one of these “rules lawyers”, simply talk out loud about your homebrew weapon or Pathfinder game, and they will be sure to find you!)

In this fabled Player’s Handbook you will find a fun breakdown and walkthrough of the game’s races, classes, and backgrounds, all of which you will need to read through several times and then immediately forget. Only after you have asked yourself “Which Bard School is going to make Sildaar Hallwinter not a steaming pile of crap?” for the fifth time in 10 minutes, can you move on to “equipment” and “rules”. Make sure to read these thoroughly, because you’ll learn them pretty quickly after your party’s Paladin once again forgets how many d10s to roll. It’s two, Derek. You asked the exact same question last round.

Idiot.

Rol(l/e)s

Once you manage to wrap your head around the rules, you get to the meat of the sandwich - rol(l/e)s. Whoever came up with this idiotic word hybrid (me) needs to report to their editor (also me) and get his ass whooped (still me).

Now, I know you’ve gotten this far and thought “Wait, Nate, that may have rhymed but you haven’t actually given any tips yet?!??!?!?!!/1!?!?!?!?1?!???????????”. To that, I say yes (or no?), I have(n’t?) given you tips for how to play and roll for certain things, because the biggest tip I have for you is coming right up.

Wait for it.

You cannot build a dragon’s tower without strong foundations.

Meaning: Only once you have “mastered” the rules and basics of roleplaying (and rolling!) will you be able to spread your beautiful dragon wings and soar as a damn good DnD player. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have to learn and remember every single mechanic or rule in the book! Because that would be a nightmare and if you can do it, you will be God. No questions asked. But hey! People make mistakes, or remember things wrong, or guess incorrectly, or even make it up as they go along. Having the handbook or Dungeon Master’s Guide on hand for these occasions will save everyone’s sanity at least once, but knowing when to draw the line between fairness and fun will make everyone’s play a whole lot better.

So! Now that you’ve become God, rolling and role-ing (not a word) are your new best friends. And you know who makes the best friends? DICE! Just google it and have fun, kids, but remember that you have to eat and sleep somewhere warm and cozy tonight, so try not to build your hoard of shiny forbidden snacks too quickly, now. All you will need for starters is your standard 7-dice set: d4, d6, d8, d10*, d12, and d20.

*The d10 often comes in pairs to act as a percentile dice. The die with the ten’s (00, 10, 20, 30, etc.) will act as the ten’s place, and the other die will act as the one’s place. So, if you roll a 60 and a 9, you get a really funny number. If you roll a 00 and a 0, that’s 100! If you roll a 00 and a 1, however, that’s a 1. You die in game and you die in real life. Goodbye.

The handbook will tell you all the dice you will need to roll in order to both run the game, and make your character! That’s right! Maths begins even before the game does. Even Death themself cannot escape the point-buy system. Just submit.

Stats are fun.

What do they mean? What do they do? Who even knows what Constitution does?! I certainly don’t! But that’s where you’re in luck, bucko.

This post is already long enough without getting to the good stuff, so I’ll keep it simple.

Strength - a measure of how well you can do stuff with your muscles. Skills like Athletics (aaaaaaand nope just athletics, huh, really? No fish-lifting skill? Huh? Cowards) will benefit from having some damn good muscles. Also you can stab stuff real good.

Dexterity - a measure of how deft, nimble, and stealthy one can be. Contributes to skills like Acrobatics and Stealth, unsurprisingly. If you can move good, you can groove good. I’d add a skill for dancing if I were you, WotC.

Constitution - I lied before when I said I had no idea what constitution does, but it was only partly a joke. Constitution contributes to skills like not dying, staying alive, and stopping being dead. Sometimes it determines how much health you have. Sometimes it means you can drink an entire frog. Don’t ask.

Intelligence - Are you a smart cookie? Can you learn languages fluently in a short span of time? Can you destroy scores of defenceless troops with a single pillar of flame? Can you read? Are you kept awake at night by their screams? Intelligence makes you good (or not) at skills like History, Religion, Arcana, and being a nerd. Oh wait. No one is good at being a nerd. Sorry nerdlord. Also, if your intelligence is under 10, you can’t read! Just like me.

Wisdom - Not the smartest cookie in the shed? Like to eat leaves? You and me both, kid! Wisdom is a measure of your STREET SMARTS! so you can throw those nasty pervert kobolds off their rhythm. Unfortunately, starting equipment does not include a money clip. It makes you good at eating dirt and walking through forests and stuff. Also I think you can pet dogs really well?

Charisma - If you’ve ever played a bard, you would know what this is. If you haven’t played a bard, it’s not too late! Quick! Choose a Warlock or a Cleric if you want a Charisma based build! Choose the entertainer background if you must! -sigh- but if you insist, charisma is a measure of how easily you can quite literally charm the pants off a dragon. Also, sometimes you can roast people really well?

Having high skills is all fine and dandy, but the next tier of DnD player character power is owning your low skills. Have low constitution? Your tiefling is sickly or has a weak stomach! Low intelligence? Your character can’t read or write! Low charisma? You cause every single npc interaction to end with you being punched in the face. There is colour and interest in every aspect of your character, so make sure to let your character sheet represent your character as well as you can!

But how do you determine these stats?

Looking in your class description, you will see under the ‘Quick Build’ section the recommended stat scores, backgrounds and/or spells for that character. These are NOT mandatory, but I find them to be a helpful guideline for how to keep your character functional and, well, alive. Stat scores themselves can be determined a few different ways: Point-buy (I have no idea how this works but it looks like a lot of maths and that’s homophobic, so); Cascading, and rolling.

Cascading (or at least that’s my name for it, I have no other way to describe it) is where you take the values 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, and 8 and assign each to one of your stats. For example, before adding racial stat modifiers, I could assign my barbarian’s stats as follows:

STR: 15, DEX: 13, CON: 14, INT: 8, WIS: 10, CHA: 12.

I may have a character-based reason for assigning my barbarian a relatively adequate Charisma score. Maybe he was a particularly intimidating character, or perhaps his iron-will makes his Constitution a 14. Maybe he likes to dance. You could have a particularly burly mage with a strength score of 15, just because you feel like it. Maybe your cleric is part of team sweet-flips? Or your monk could study tomes night and day to get her Intelligence to a lofty 17 points post-modifiers. Balancing stat scores so that you don’t die is awesome, but having a change to shout “YOU DO NOT SEE GROG!” and win 9 times out of 10? Priceless.

Rolling your stats is perhaps the most widely-used way to determine stats, but to be safe, ask your DM (or get crafty if you’re the DM!) about their preferred method. It’s pretty simple: roll 4d6 (the six-sided dice four times), noting down each individual roll. After four rolls, you cross out the lowest roll, and add the remaining three. Repeat five more times and you have some good good stats, bro! Don’t forget to add your racial stat modifiers before you assign your stat scores!

Modifiers seem pretty confusing as a newbie, but there is a handy table in the PHB to help you keep track. Alternatively, you could subtract 10 from your score, and then half what you have left, making sure to round down! A score of 19 would have a modifier of +4 (19 - 10 = 9/2 = 4.5 ≈ 4, rounding down). A score of 8 would have a modifier of -1 (8 - 10 = -2/2 = -1). Pretty simple, right?

So now I think I can finally address whatever the F*$# I mean by ‘Roles’. What the heck is a role? Do you mean roleplaying? No, dear reader, I do not. A ‘role’ is what I like to call your position in the party. Because yes, on the unlikely occasion that you do manage to wrangle a group of people willing (or able) to play DnD with you, you still have to play with other kids, Derek. That means that the typical balancing applies. You cannot just have a 7-person party filled entirely by bards. Or bees. Though I would prefer the bees. Who would want 7 bards? That sounds like the start of a bad joke.

A good rule of thumb is to make sure you have enough bases covered in the traditional party makeup that you won’t die immediately, but you also don’t have to deal with 7 goddamn bards, Derek, I swear to God-

You’ll want someone to hit stuff, someone to get hit, someone to help those who get hit, and someone to hit things when you don’t want to get hit. This could be solved any number of ways. Get creative, go hog wild. But not buck wild, Derek. I will not have the “Seven Buskateers” at my table again, do you hear me?!

This brings us to the finale. I’ve been writing this post for half an hour, and we’re finally getting to the good stuff. Thanks for stick with me so far. How about dropping your favourite stardew valley bachelor/ette down in the replies if you’ve read this far? Mine’s Elliot, because he’s beautiful and I love him, just like I love you. :3

Roleplaying!

It’s in the title! The very mechanics of the game! So, the question you’re asking me is: “Nate, how the Flippity Doo Daa do you roleplay?????????”

And I reply, “How are you making those noises with your mouth? Where am I?! Who are you? Why can I hear each individual question mark even though they shouldn’t have a place in the mortal coil? What are you?!”

And then I tell you about my favourite thing to tell my own players.

The easiest character to play is one that exists. So? What does that mean???

It means that YOU, my dead, dear nerd, can’t just pull a self-insert every single dang game, Damn it Derek! No one LIKES YOU! GO HOME! You have this opportunity to think of a fun, unique concept, and roll with it. So, how can you create the next Taako, or Nott, or Yashee’rak or Caduceus?

If you have a concept to work from, that’s great! If not, start from the ground up. Who is your character? What are their likes, dislikes, loves, hates, loyalties, vendettas? I often like to establish both a backstory and a goal for them to accomplish, the simpler the better, to get you on the right track. Perhaps a Neverwinter begger wishes to open their own tea shop in Ba Sing Se? A cursed child of an angel and a demon takes it upon themself to avenge their brother’s death? A simple farm girl falls in love and follows her princess Buttercup across Faerûn? You name it!

Some good questions to ask yourself about your characters personality could also include:

What would they kill for?

What would they die for?

What would they watch someone else die for?

What are some rumours your party members would have heard about your character?

What would they think of your favourite meme?

How do they treat their mum? How would they treat your mum?

Do they have any recurring nightmares? Why?

Etc. Etc. Think of them as a real being, with thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams and fears! The more detailed you can get in theory might help in the long run. If you find yourself deviating from these details, however, don’t sweat! That’s a character’s natural development and progression as a character! In fact, if things don’t change as you play, you might have to have a look at your play style. Loosen up. No one is one emotion their entire lives. Characters lie! They hide things and change details and cheat and steal! But they also act kindly, even randomly, and change and grow. Encourage that. Let them grow. They (and your party members!) will thank you for it!

I think that’s all I have in me for now, and oh man there are so many more things I could mention. DMing in itself will have to wait for another day, of course, but I hope this helped! I’m going to die now.

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candylani-draws · 6 years ago

Text

When Evil Conquers YT - Chapter 2

Character List: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/177562446573/when-evil-conquers-youtube-character-list

Cover Art: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/177562290268/hey-peeps-im-so-excited-to-be-re-publishing

Wattpad Link: https://my.w.tt/rTElIdf6MP

Deviantart Link: https://www.deviantart.com/pandaserules97/gallery/67161703/When-Evil-Conquers-YouTube

(READ THIS FIRST!!) Important Notes: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178727812658/when-evil-conquers-yt-important-notes-about-the

Prologue Link: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178859191453/when-evil-conquers-yt-prologue

Chapter 1: https://candylani-draws.tumblr.com/post/178892439558/when-evil-conquers-yt-chapter-1

WARNING - This chapter uses high levels of offensive language, including insults and nasty comments about these certain Tubers. I obviously do not hate these people, this is just for story sake. If you feel that you are going to be offended by the words here, just skip to the end. Thanks!

Anon: "Ladies and gentlemen, I am here to announce my purpose for joining this occult!"

He leans down to inspect the pages, then opens the large book to the page he was looking for, a large slam echoed the rooms. In it lies a cell phone, and he pulls it out.

Anon: "Now, as I load my information, allow me to give some context. Most of you are aware of a popular video website called 'YouTube', correct?"

Lucifer: "You mean that stupid website that forbids copyrighted material and is full of pampering, self-absorbed morons?"

Anon: "Yes, exactly! And don't forget about ad revenue!"

His YouTube app has loaded, and he begins to search, both for his content, and in his notebook.

Anon: "Now then, I have four specific specimens who I believe deserve a bit of a punishment..."

Lucifer: "Ooh, what kind of punishment?"

Leader: "Have patience, Lucifer. We cannot have anything done if we rush into it..."

Anon: "Ah, here we are!"

Anon flips over several pages and reveals a large list of names.

Anon: "For 7 years, I've putting all of my time into this YouTube matter, finding out who and what is popular during different eras, and today, I have found the perfect victims. Now, if you look at this list, it reveals YouTubers that I wish to see be taken down by my command! Most of them are the gaming community, just a heads up."

The list was insanely long, and each of the names contained some sort of extra name beside it. From the looks of it, it seemed that Anon wanted to take these Tubers and...change their names? The first 4 caught everyone's eyes.

List of Dumbasses - 2016

1. VenturianTale → Jimmy Casket

2. JackSepticEye → AntiSepticEye

3. Markiplier → Darkiplier, Yandereplier, Authorplier, Googleplier

4. Pewdiepie → Lucius-pie

Anon: "Let's see here, ah! VenturianTale, the first channel on my list! To keep this simple, I'll make a demonstration and start off with the first four names, to warm us all up. If this is a success, we continue this tradition every October!"

He pulls up a video of some brunette man wearing a blue hoodie, screaming like a girl at some stupid animatronic animal jumpscare.

Anon: "Now then, here's out first Tuber, Venturian, aka Jordan Frye, a American guy who is known for playing Gmod and has 2.43 million subscribers. Even though that's not a large number compared to other channels, it still eludes me how a man in his 20s spends his time playing stupid mods with his retarded siblings. Yes, this isn't a solo channel, he has 3 other siblings who are equally guilty of this cringeworthy dungheep."

Random Occult Member 4: "No wonder they only have less than 3 million subscribers..."

Anon: "However, there is something that caught my attention from them during my studies...on their Gmod murder series, Venturian has created an original character named 'Jimmy Casket', a crazed murderer who happens to have some sort of personality disorder. It's a long, boring story as to why that is, but the point is...whenever Jordan plays as Jimmy, it seems to be one of the few times he goes insane and turns into someone else...someone dangerous...someone...evil.."

Random Occult Member 2: "Interesting..."

Anon: "Now, onto our next Tuber..."

Not even 3 seconds into the next video, and several of the Tubers covered their ears in pain from obnoxious singing and shouting. Luckily, Anon came prepared as he grabbed powerful earmuffs during his searching.

Anon: "Is the ear bleeding done?"

Everyone: "TURN THAT SHIT OFF!"

Anon: "With pleasure..."

Anon took off his earmuffs and paused the video. From the screen, and the audio, this Tuber is European man with bright green hair and a VERY loud personality.

Anon: "Our next Tuber is JackSepticEye, aka Sean McLoughlin, an Irish gamer with 12.36 million subscribers. I have no idea how the hell he's able to scream and shout for more than 20 minutes without a sore throat, but that is a gift he should never have been born with. This man is irritating, and he seems to overreact to every little fucking thing he plays! And he's friends with an eyeball that's LITERALLY septic! He's FRIENDS with a toxic fucking eyeball!"

Random Occult Member 2: "Greaaaaat, as if this man wasn't unlikable enough, now he's a gross slob..."

Anon: "...Riiight...now then, despite his annoyance, he also has a darker side to him that, this time, was created by his fanbase. Since his YouTuber name implies that he's all septic, it only makes sense that his dark side implies that he's antiseptic, and it's quite an irony. Recently, some of Jack's videos are giving canon appearances of this alter ego, and it helps give one a glimpse of what his true design looks like..."

Lucifer: "Ooh, now THAT is something I would KILL to see!"

Anon: "...Okaaaaay then...Next up is the pure definition of a manchild. Do not be fooled from his appearance."

The next Tuber who was on screen was an Asian-looking guy with an extremely American accent, red dyed hair, square glasses, and a skin tight shirt, playing some horror game about a rabbit.

Anon: "This here is Markiplier, aka Mark Fischbach, and this is another American Tuber here, with 14.55 million subscribers."

Random Occult Member 3: "Ooh, this guy has quite the bod..."

Anon: "Hey, remember what I said earlier? This person may look handsome on the outside, but inside, he's a scaredy-cat and...a bit of a crybaby...He's also really stupid."

Anon fast-forwarded the video, and the man screamed loudly and flew backwards in his seat, with his jaw dropped to the floor.

Anon: "See what I mean? Oh, and this guy seems to have a weird thing for boxes, considering he's friends with one."

Anon then clicks on another video with the man playing with some sort of small box creature with a big baby face and cartoony hands, and they're making stupid noises and faces.

Lucifer: "How in the hell did he even-?"

Anon: "It's best not to ask right now. Besides, I didn't get to the real meat here. Mark is unique, because he has not one alter ego, but FOUR!"

All Members: "FOUR?!"

Anon went into his photo album and pulled up a collage for 4 characters that looked eerily similar to the manchild.

Anon: "You heard me right, 4 alternate egos! The main one, and the most iconic, is his dark side named...Darkiplier...I know, hilarious. This ego has an interesting history. He originally started off as Mark trying to be "scary" to his audience, and this soon turned to a whole new persona. The last time Dark was seen canonically on-screen was a video named "relax", but I've been hearing rumors about the new appearance of Dark; it consisted something of him being all black-and-white, in a formal suit, and 3D effects..."

Lucifer: "Wouldn't that be cool to see?"

Anon: "Ha, tell me about it. Now then, the next persona is known as 'Googleplier', and this one is pretty recent. From Matthias' video 'Google IRL', Googleplier is a real-life Google machine who can answer any question, along with having an obsession with destroying mankind...to be honest, this one is my most favorite. Unfortunately, Googleplier has a retarded weakness against too many questions."

Nobody said a word, but they all seemed to have some sort of prediction that Anon is, in some way, similar to Googleplier's personality.

Anon: "Third one has a bit of 'style', if style meant a weeb who wants to kill everyone for their lover. This is 'Yandereplier', but I'm calling him Yandere Mark for short. For those who don't speak weeb, a yandere is a character in anime who acts nice but kills peers behind their love interest's back. Yandere Mark actually started once Mark started playing an indie game called 'Yandere Simulator'. Basically, the game is shit, and the developer seems like an asshole. But this persona has definitely intrigued me. To have a fake persona to hide your true identity from the one you love? Seems like the perfect ego to hide crimes."

From the weird smile/grimace on Anon's face, the group was wondering if Anon has dealt with a "yandere" before.

Anon: "Last persona is a lesser known one, but holds great promise. Meet Authorplier! Honestly, he doesn't have an official name besides 'The Author', but I'll be calling him Author Mark for now. This persona was created back in 2013 in a mini-series called 'Danger in Fiction'. Honestly, most of the videos consist of stupid, immature potty humor, but the parts that I find to be BRILLIANT is the character's appearance and his power to write stories to torture his victims. See, with Author Mark, he has a special book that plans out the victim's fate, and he wants the victim to follow it, or else he'll end them faster with his bat."

Lucifer: "Now THAT one is my favorite!"

Anon: "And FINALLY, the last YouTuber on this list is..."

Anon quickly went back to his YouTube app and typed away, and everyone was anticipating for who was the last Tuber.

Anon: "PewDiePie, aka Felix Kjellberg! Not only is this guy the biggest gaming YouTuber, he is the biggest YouTuber of all time, having 48.17 MILLION subscribers!"

Random Occult Member 1: "48 million?!"

Random Occult Member 2: "He could have his own country with this many people!"

Lucifer: "This guy must be rich for playing games all day!"

Anon: "HOWEVER! I must point out that Felix does not play as many games as he used to in his hay day. Still though, he is no exception...the fact that this annoying Swedish man can entertain or cause controversy for stupid games or unlogical statements is beyond me. If there's one thing I cannot stand about him, it's his enormous ego, acting like he's a mighty god. He kind of reminds me another YouTuber, I think his name was Joke Pole, but he's not a gamer."

Random Occult Member 3: "What's Felix's alter ego?"

Anon: "Ooh, now this is a tricky one...see, Felix doesn't have an official persona like the others, especially since none of them have a canon appearance or voice. However, one I did choose is similar to Yandere Mark and Jimmy Casket, where this one is based off a game that Felix played named 'Lucius'. See, 'Lucius' was a game he played back in 2012, and it's about a boy with the powers of Satan; his main objective is to kill his family members without causing suspicion. For a while, people loved Felix playing as this demon-writhing kid, and he seemed to take on the personality quite well, although he had a strange obsession with a beach ball."

Leader: "I see..."

Anon: "And that's everything I wanted to say! I only have these personas, but these people have a SHIT ton of more personas than I could count, a lot of them were fucking stupid. I only chose the ones that caught my eye, which were coincidentally the popular ones."

Lucifer: "The power of shitty fanbases..."

Anon: "And this is only the start...once I make these personas a reality with a special recipe I have made, they will cause havoc, ruin the reputations of these YouTubers once and for all! These are only with 4, imagine what it would be like with every other YouTuber gamer, or YouTubers in general, big and small, destroying the platform and taking down Internet entertainment with it!"

Everyone gasped and stared in awe as Anon caught his breath from all his speaking.

Anon: "So...am I in?"

#youtuber fanfiction #evil youtubers #fanfiction #scary fanfiction #jacksepticeye #pewdiepie #markiplier #venturiantale

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sebasmassimo-blog · 7 years ago

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Eye Opening Experience: Hurricane Nate

Blogs are coming in a week later.

Hurricane Nate basically hit all of Costa Rica pretty hard and with any notice at all, the whole country except Limon was on Red Alert. There was basically a constant rain fall for at least three days, intense winds throwing trees to the ground, rivers over flowing and taking anything that stands in their way with them, the seas where pounding the coast line with 10 foot swell, also the constant rain caused landslides everywhere. Nate caused mass destruction all throughout the country, well, except Limon, but basically left Costa Rica with a lot of repairing to do.

Our region:

The day Hurricane Nate started to hit we all had to go to school, the reason behind this is that we had no idea that probably the biggest storm in Costa Rican history is about to hit the country. As soon as i woke up in the morning it was raining, the bus ride to school the rain down-poured on us, we arrive to school and what do you know!! the power has gone out. Eventually they sent us back home until further notice.

Around noon it was really raining hard and around the house you could hear the river that was violently making its way down to the ocean, the creek that ran next th house filled up to the first pillar of the balcony, water levels incremented around 8 ft. Lucky for use we had power thought the whole day so we just sat back and watched movies. Little did we know that our neighbor on the other side of the road was getting hit directly from the the river.

It was just a coincidence that i walked back there around 4:30 pm to check the river out to then see his house, totally flooded, right away i ran home and grabbed one of my moms old brooms so i could go help them get all of the dirt out of their house. We worked at least three hours getting the mud out of the houses and we did a pretty good job, the living room and my friends room got cleaned= up but they still had things lost and taken by the river. But they where lucky the damage was not that bad. Im glad i was able to help them clean up even though it was just one day

I know that Tamarindo and the Flamingo area didn't either, but we where luck to have power throughout the whole storm. Luckily almost everyone from school was safe and didn't suffer from any big loses but other areas like Filadelfia and Santa Cruz did.

Our “granito de arena”, Leon family and Ananda:

My mom decide and really the whole family came to the agrement that on Sunday where going to Santa Cruz, buy viveres, mattresses and other articles like shoes, we also had bags of the cloths that dint fit us any more to donate them to some affected people. We ended up going to a little town in Filadelfia called el Bamboo. El Bamboo community got hammered by the over flow of the Tempisque river leaving the town in complete destruction, peoples belongings have been lost, houses destroyed, garbage everywhere, maybe even love ones lost, the people where with no food or good water, some families lost live stock and crops. Just the whole town was very impacted by this storm.

We arrived with all the viveres yo an “Albergue” where there was 500 people that have been coped up for days escaping the storm and seeking protection. In theses albergues people receive purified water, hot meals that come from donations and for the wounded they have medical service. we supported the albuergue with six mattresses, lost of food such as rice, beans, noodles... we also bought shoes for the little kids in need and diapers for the baby's. We have received anonymous luggage bag filled with medical supply which had a note inside that specifically ordered who received this bag to donate it to a good cause so we did it, we donated it to this albergue.

We then started to drive around the town and this is where the trip really touched our hearts. We came across a man that told us his story about the event that nearly took his house, his wife, kids, and even mom. i’m not going to explain the whole story because its very long but he really expresses the reality of the situation and his first instinct that was to protect his family. this second little confrontation with a little boy in the street really touch all of us in the car, my mom, dad, bother, Ananda and myself. the little boy stopped us in the middle of the road and with a sad and desperate tone ask us we had any cloths, now he said this and i was crying in the inside and really made me think about the world we live in. Luckily we had a bag of kid cloths and gave this to him and his family, also gave him a $20 bill, boy he stared at that bill.

After having that experience with the little kid and all of this devastated town, seeing the smile on peoples faces when they receive something as simple as a bag of rice makes you realize the appreciation these people give to the little that they have or have left. I really shouldn't be talking about this because i do it too sometimes but in La Paz school there are kids that dont value what they have, the appreciation is gone, we are a materialist beings, who want more and more of what we already have yet forget to appreciate the effort or work that took place to have that something... kids complaining that they dont have the new iphone 8 or X when there are kids that dont have a dry blanket to cover up from the night, we complain about our food but dont realized that there is others that have gone day with not a single grain of rice has been put in their system or water. Some girls in tenth grade were about to cry and having a complete dram because they where going to lose their snapchat streaks and that they didn't have internet all weekend, come on pleas!!! have we become that self centered about social media and the way i look in it?? Give me break! The only thong i have to say to the people with this way of thinking is to get of your social media freaking butts and be useful to your community and actually help those in need, not post #PrayforCostaRica, get up, go to the the grocery store buy a bag of rice and a bag of beans and gratefully give it to someone that needs it, the satisfaction of helping someone that really needs it is a unbelievable feeling that we should all preach. So get off social media and out of your little crystal box and lend a hand to help, You can do it!!

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ollybenson · 6 years ago

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London Design Museum - Primary Research

In this post I will be discussing and reflecting on our recent trip to the Kensington Design Museum in London, where I was able to gain some primary research supplying me with loads of ideas for my FMP.

On this trip I was able to record some different pieces of art that give me a great insight to the history of Graphic Design. This trip was able to give me a visualization of the different styles of design, from prints to model making to architecture.

It is important that I am able to get out in the real world rather than viewing it from behind a computer screen it as it allowed me to appreciate the little details that you can’t see or value.

A good example of this was the architecture in London. I don't often go into the centre of London so I am not able to look closely at the architecture throughout the city with all of its different styles.

While we didn't walk around the whole of Kensington, at lunch we were able to go out of the building and walk down a couple of the streets. It is interesting to looks at all the different styles of architecture, especially compared to where I live. I am not used to seeing these terrace style buildings. The architecture is very interesting to me and I am intrigued how the architecture of terrace-styled houses/developments compares to detatched buildings.

Carrying on from this, The Design Museum itself perfectly represents its contents. The building is very clean and built up to a high standard finish.

As you walk towards the front door, there is a sculptural piece by Eduardo Paolozzi, a British artist who was known for having a large influence on pop art.

Even this sculpture above could be linked to our theme of collaging and assemblage as you can see pieces of the face have been chopped up and put together. He produced both 2D pieces as well as sculptures. The pieces slotted in-between the gaps of the face have words on them. The back of the head has machinery parts on it. This could be a metaphor that the human head is like a machine with all of its cogs winding to make it work. This is one of the best things about working in 3D, from one angle the piece looks like something, but from another angle it could look like something else. With flat, 2D pieces the work will most likely only have one perspective or meaning. The size of the sculpture also makes it enjoyable to view as you don't realise its stature until you see it in person.

The Building/Structure

As I entered the building I noticed straight away the material the ceiling is made out of and the style of its shape. This roof is something called hyperbolic paraboloid.

Hyperbolic paraboloid meaning: A hyperbolic paraboloid is an infinite surface in three dimensions with hyperbolic and parabolic cross-sections.

The material it is made out of looks as though it is panels of reinforced straw glued together. Im guessing that these materials are recycled and that there is also a sturdy material such as concrete under them. I think it actually looks quite effective.

John Pawson was the architect who designed the interior building, he is well known for his minimalist and modern style.

John Pawson: ‘I love clear spaces. I love the absolute minimum’.

This ties in with the previous research I have done throughout this project. I stated that it more in fashion for things to be very simple now, and this is starting to become the norm in almost every part of our lives; buildings, art, technology, vehicles etc. Even as you look at the car manufacturer ‘Tesla’, their vehicle designs are being stripped down to be very simple, consisting of one central screen that shows the driver all the information they could want.

The museum, whose total cost will be £83m, has most of Pawson’s characteristics, with a palette of oak, stone and white paint. Its centrepiece is a big square hall, around which stairs and galleries take people to the exhibition spaces.

Designer/Maker/User

‘Designer/Maker/User’ is the name of the exhibition held at the Design Museum which was the focus of our trip.

As you enter the building, one of the first things you see it the rotational wall that switched between the words of the title of the exhibition. I really like the use of different coloured triangles for the back ground as that bring with it a light, friendly emotion.

At the design museum there was a variety of different objects, designs and themes I either saw or began to think about during my time there.

It showcased the every different form of graphics, even ones that before this I had never really though about before. Things such as sign posts or cutlery.

The exhibition covers a broad range of design disciplines, from architecture and engineering, to the digital world, fashion and graphics.

An interesting part of the exhibition was the wall consisting of loads of random objects such as chairs, clothing, rubber gloves, £5 bank note and loads more. These are all things that have been deisgned by someone with the customers best interest at mind. You can see an image of the wall below.

It is interesting when you think about the fact that everything in front of us has been designed by someone. Even the pathways we walk on have been planned out by city planners along with the rubbish bins we use.

This wall consisting of the collection of random, donated items could be strongly linked with out display boxes. These random objects have been carefully considered in terms of layout and positioning, which is similar to the process with out display boxes.

The exhibition consisted of 3 sections; Designer, Maker and User.

Designer explores the ways in which the thought-process of the designer informs projects at every scale, from the smallest to the largest. Including the 1:1 scale prototype for the new London tube train.

In Maker, the exhibition traces the evolution of manufacturing, from café chairs to Ford Cars to robotic arms. As well as this it consists the process of mass customisation and 3D printing.

This section is where I found the collection of these visually unique chairs:

These chairs above really captured my interest as they were all made out of different materials using different process, each emitting completely different emotions towards the viewer, yet they all have the same purpose, for someone to sit on.

Chairs are an sub genre of architecture and are something that I could look to explore in detail through this project, as I haven't chosen a specific theme yet.

Finally, the User section of the exhibition. It explores the interaction between people and brands that have come to define the modern world. Features include a vinyl player, Apple, Sony and Walkman products throughout history, as well as a typewriter; all demonstrating how design has changed how we communicate.

What did I get from this trip?

The importance of this is achieving an understanding in all three of the aspects which will carry your work from something which is made to ‘look good’ to something with a real impact.

When creating my outcomes, I must consider the audience it is for and the reason I am creating it. What is its purpose? Is it practical for this purpose?

This trip provided a new element of research to my project in the form of primary investigation. It was a lot more engaging for me as a viewer reacting to the work first-hand as it was intended to be viewed.

It is important to gather both primary and secondary research throughout this project. Primary as it means I am able to get a first hand response about certain pieces, and secondary as I am able to find out more information in a shorter amount of time.

The magnitude of pieces adds to the statement the piece is making and makes the work seem a lot more meaningful. Large works like these keep me interested to look at because there is often more analyse.

The Design Museum offered a unique outlook on the evolution of technology and how this aided the production of design. One of the most interesting parts of the museum was to see how the 3D printer worked, and to find out how cheap of a process it is to product production on a mass scale. I am sure this is the future of production and a huge breakthrough in technology is happening before our eyes.

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brazilianism · 8 years ago

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bro, imma test your patience with me. now idk shit about politics buuut i need to learn a little more than the basics of whats happening to brazil, you know? its hard since its a hole different country so im kinda limited, i understand portuguese but really need a politics for dummies to know whats happening and what will probably happen due to the hell thats going on in BR. help me and get a smile (pls??)

Man this is hard because I have no idea what you already know or not or where you’re from so I can’t really make comparisons?? but i’m gonna try to give you a general??? hold tight

so I guess first thing is understanding the system, right?

Brazil has a… multi-party presidential democracy. Ish. Hasn’t always been like that tho, in fact, brazilian history is filled with coups and not so democratic republics. It’s our thing. But right now we have a President, in charge of the executive power, then there’s the upper and lower houses of congress (Senate and Chamber, we call them, basically), and the Supreme Court, I guess just like in the US. There’s a president to the Senate, a President to the Chamber, and a few more important figures in each part of the government, like the ministers, or cabinet leaders, that hold, well, cabinets, like the one for Education or Health or Culture, etc, or the Government Leader in congress that isn’t really a formal title but also kinda is a job.

So, our parties. There are so many of them. SO MANY. Y’all wouldn’t believe how many. Ok, about 30-40 of them. But really, who the fuck knows all of them? I don’t, so we’re gonna stick to the most important ones. But for that, quick history lesson:

Remember when I said we haven’t always been, uhm, this? Yeah, up until the late 80′s Brazil was on a Dictatorship (not the first we had, but the worst we had, arguably) (and I have to control myself not to tell you the whole thing cause I just love brazilian history???? but imma stick to what’s important) THE POINT IS: during those years, only two “parties” were allowed to exist, the… pro-dictatorship party and the… consented opposition party (we like to call them the “yes” and the “yes, sir” parties cause of the obvious). Consented opposition party was called MDB (founded in 65′). When dictatorship ended, they turned into PDMB (in 1980). You’re gonna have to get used to the acronyms because we only use them here. Sometime later, in 88, some people left PMDB to found PSDB, and at the time the plan was to have it a bit more to the left than PMDB that was a pretty center-right wing party. More to the left of both of those, also in the 80′s, our Workers Party is founded, PT. Not a socialist/communist party, whatever some may think until today. You might be wondering what happened to the dictatorship supporters party, right? They’ve changed names a few times through the last decades, nowadays they’re DEM, a right wing party (ironically enough, their acronym comes from Democrats).

Nowadays you can say PSDB is a center-right wing party, PT is center-left, and PMDB is wherever it pleases (mostly center-right, though). “Isn’t there a REAL left wing then????” there is, but it’s not exactly the most powerful thing in existence, so most people atribute the “left” nearly entirely to PT, cause up until a couple of years ago, it was majorly powerful. We’ll get to that. Anyway, some left wing parties are PCdoB and Psol and a shit ton of other small ones.

Back to history. When dictatorship was ending people made an awful lot of deals to get one dude (Tancredo Neves) into the presidency (not popular vote yet, some sort of electoral college) but cause we’re in Brazil and shit just can’t be simple HE DIED before taking office then his vice president (who had just kinda changed parties to make the run) became the first post-dictatorship president. This dude is called Sarney and he’s alive until today and we like to call him The King of a state because his family basically owns it. And it’s a big state and in pretty bad condition (if you want we can come back later to why so many families are so powerful and so entirely into politics and basically owners of whole states and how Oligarchies have always been a thing BUT in another post). He’s a senator now. Yeah, cause that’s a thing, you don’t have to end your career after being president here. Oh, both of those were like, from PMDB.

Then we finally got to vote and we elected this one young unknown dude who was promising to end corruption (I mean, they all do, but, big time), his name was Collor, and he got impeached for corruption a couple of years later. Yes, you’re allowed to laugh. He was from PRN, we’re not gonna talk about this party here, no relevance. His vice president took over, Itamar Franco, and if you guessed it you probably got it right: he was from PMDB. The country was still in a big ass crisis coming all the way from the dictatorship years and Collor had just screwed up massively too so when Itamar KINDA got things under control his economy cabinet leader got big time praise…… and got elected president a couple of years later for PSDB. His name is Fernando Henrique Cardoso (we like to call him FHC) and he’s still alive too.

So we got a few years of PSDB there cause they approved reelection in congress at some point there - let’s be honest, it’s because they were scared of the increasing popularity of somebody else that had been running in the past elections too: Lula, the big leader of PT - and they were right to, cause Lula would get elected finally in 2003 and reelected after, staying until 2011, and would hand pick his successor and get her elected: Dilma Rousseff, who would also get reelected. As you might have heard, she got impeached last year, leaving office to her vice president, Michel Temer, from… PMDB.

For the past couple of decades, our political scenario pretty much got divided into PSDB and PT running against each other (and against a ton of minor parties that didn’t quite make it) in every election, with PT winning all of the ones mentioned above. But in any and all of the governments, deals had to be made to get - you guessed it - PMDB support. If there’s one thing you have to know about these last years of Brazil is that no one, no one can govern without PMDB. And the reason to that is on it’s historical basis: it’s basically the oldest and biggest party we got. So EVERYWHERE there’s someone from there, so they get plenty of space in government, they make most of congress, they make most of the senate, they make most of the local powers, etc. And like that, unelected, they got to the Presidency quite a few times. When I said before that they go wherever they want to, is because they’ll lean to whichever side can grant them power, and not even collectively - you can see some of them aligning to left wing politicians in some parts of the country while others get allied to right wing politicians in another part in the same election, since there are no rules against that. Today, since they hold the presidency and most of the other important roles, their main ally is PSDB, but a few years back they were the main supporters to PT, so, really, the rule should be “don’t trust them and expect anything and everything”.

I think… this kinda covers the basics. Very basics. Roughly. It would be important for you to understand the whole Impeachment mess of the past couple of years. I have a couple of posts on that here and here and here and here and you can always go to my politics tag to search for more comments on everything. Idk, bring me objective questions or just what more you want to know after this so I can help more??? i’m really kinda lost on what to tell you and there’s sooo much to brazilian history that is important, but I think this post is way too long already x) I like telling the stories though, so ask away

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theworstbob · 8 years ago

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every grammy for record of the year settled

another installment of what is slowly becoming a series of me pointing at things i’m mostly okay with and making simple jokes instead of writing actual things. i have six rough drafts of fictional shorts i said i wanted to post by the end of january and now its february 11th and fuck, dude, but this is so much easier!

1959 "Catch a Falling Star," by Perry Como "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)," by David Seville "Fever," by Peggy Lee "Witchcraft," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)," by Domenico Modugno

This field actually sets the tone for all the future Grammy categories to come. There's 2 songs that are really fucking good, there's one person who's here because they have a reputation as a person who is popular, there's some fucking awful bullshit that we're only going to remember in five years because it's, y'know, fucking awful bullshit, and then the winner is some obscure nonsense that sort of renders the whole operation moot, like if in 2007 the Oscar for Best Picture went to Chumscrubber, or if the Falcons won the Super Bowl. Peggy Lee/Frank Sinatra : Beyonce/Rihanna+Drake :: Perry Como : Adele, David Seville : Lukas Graham :: Domenico Modugno : twenty one pilots.

Yeah the winner is "Fever." I'm not looking to re-invent the wheel here, the best song of these five is "Fever," like are you kidding me, "Fever." "Fever," guys. "Catch a Falling Star" is a relic of an era where all we wanted from male pop stars was for them to be a gentle father in a sweater to say he's proud of us, "Witchcraft" goes but its only failure is that it's not "Fever," hahaha they actually thought "The Chipmunk Song" would stand the test of time, and "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)?" Fuck outta here, "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)." I have nothing to say to you. What are you? I don't care. You're not "Fever." Also I immediately regret this exercise because now I'm just angry I'm alive in era where songs don't have horn sections. Someone give me a big band cover of "Closer." Yeah I know Postmodern Jukebox did "Closer" BUT THEY DIDN'T DO IT THE WAY I WANTED. DO IT AGAIN.

TRUE ENDING: "Fever"

1960 "A Fool Such as I," by Elvis Presley "High Hopes," by Frank Sinatra "Like Young," by Andre Previn "The Three Bells," by The Browns WINNER: "Mack the Knife," by Bobby Darin

Im going to give Andre Previn a shitton of extra credit here for apparently naming his album Secret Songs for Young Lovers, which is a simply killer album title. Like I think only Mitski's Bury Me at Makeout Creek can stand up to that title. I'm also giving it extra credit for being an instrumental, that's just refreshing. It still only adds up to a strong second, I'm not here to be contrarian (yet), they got it right, but yo, Andre Previn! You seem chill.

TRUE ENDING: "Mack the Knife"

1961 "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" by Elvis Presley "Georgia on My Mind," by Ray Charles "Mack the Knife," by Ella Fitzgerald "Nice 'n Easy," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Theme from A Summer Place," by Percy Faith

Hey! Black people! I legitimately was worried we wouldn't see them for another few years, but hey, they got an early invite (relative to American history)! I like that "Mack the Knife" was nominated again. It makes me wish that, last year, both Tay Tay's "Blank Space" and the indie dudebro's "Blank Space" cover had been nominated simultaneously. When you type "Georgia on My Mind" into the YouTube search bar, suggested searches include "Ludacris," "Willie Nelson," and "Michael Buble," and that is one person away from being a party I'd like to attend. I really want to give this to "Mack the Knife" again because I think that'd be funny, and I, an ignoramus, shouted "YO THIS IS THAT SONG?" the second I heard "Theme from A Summer Place," I've heard that used as a music cue in a billion comedies, that song is iconic, but the winner is "Georgia on My Mind." That song won an Oscar for Jamie Foxx.

TRUE ENDING: "Georgia on My Mind"

1962 "Big Bad John," by Jimmy Dean "The Second Time Around," by Frank Sinatra "Take Five," by The Dave Brubeck Quartet "(Up a) Lazy River," by Si Zentner WINNER: "Moon River," by Henry Mancini

"Big Bad John" just makes me angry that country music used to feel legit and dangerous, and nowadays Brantley Gilbert thinks he's an outlaw because he has a tattoo honoring the 2nd Amendment (a law). I promised myself I wouldn't turn any one part of this into an extended treatise on bro country, but it's not extended if I keep it to two sentences, however compounded they may be! Anyhoo. These are five decidedly not-unpleasant songs by five white dudes. I understand I'm making an assumption about Si Zentner here, but it's 1962. People were still wearing hats in this season of Mad Men, I think it's a safe assumption. I think. I dunno. I think? Yeah, fuck it, "Take Five," that had a pretty boss drum section. Imagine listening to every song made in 1961 and thinking, "Yes. These. I love these five songs." "Stand By Me" was the biggest hit of the year. "Runaway" was number two, I'm pretty sure that was a banger, and if not at least it couldn't be worse than these five. "Hit the Road Jack." "Crying." "Shop Around." "Crazy." Hey guys I just made a hot discovery, I think solely using the Grammy nominees for Record of the Year does not an accurate snapshot of music history provide.

TRUE ENDING: It doesn't matter because it can't be "Stand By Me," but "Take Five" I guess

1963 "Desafinado," by Stan Getz & Charlie Byrd "Fly Me to the Moon Bossa Nova," by Joe Harnell and His Orchestra "I Can't Stop Loving You," by Ray Charles "What Kind of Fool Am I?" by Sammy Davis Jr. WINNER: "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," by Tony Bennett

You can pick up some interesting tidbits from music history, though, such as the fact conductors would have "and their orchestra" in their name. I'd be so much more okay with the state of things, as they are, if The Chainsmokers would start going by The Chainsmokers and Their Soundboard. I don't mean to impugn The Chainsmokers' ability as songwriters, I'd listen to "Closer" a million times before I gave any of these songs another spin, I would just prefer more accuracy in my song attribution. Also the extra credit "Like Young" got for being an instrumental is waning. I could have listened to "Run Up" five times. That's what I could have done with these twenty minutes. ...At least they didn't nominate "The Monster Mash." It wouldn't have been without precedent! They could have nominated "The Monster Mash." No matter how bad it is, it can always get worse.

TRUE ENDING: "I Can't Stop Loving You"

1964 "Dominique," by The Singing Nun "Happy Days Are Here Again," by Barbra Streisand "I Wanna Be Around," by Tony Bennett "Wives and Lovers," by Jack Jones WINNER: "Days of Wine and Roses," by Henry Mancini

when do the 1960s get to the seasons of mad men with stan in them. oh okay hi there "wives and lovers" aren't you horrible. what a blast from the past you are. why am i doing this. fuck it.

TRUE ENDING: "Dominique"

1965 "Downtown," by Petula Clark "Hello, Dolly!" by Louis Armstrong "I Want to Hold Your Hand," by The Beatles "People," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "The Girl from Ipanema," by Astrud Gilberto & Stan Getz

HERE. WE. FUCKING. GO. Holy shit. Up-tempo music! Songs I wouldn't only ever listen to in hotel lobbies, that aren't all the exact same ballad! What good fortune! We can actually have a fun debate over which of these songs was actually the best! Sort of. I mean. Just in terms of cultural impact, it's "I Want to Hold Your Hand." I wouldn't dare argue that "I Want to Hold Your Hand" isn't a historically significant song. But "Downtown" is just a nice song about going to the city and seeing a moviefilm, "Hello, Dolly!" is just a wonderful little ditty which brings to mind Freakazoid, "People," erm, and "The Girl from Ipanema" is about as surreal as it gets when you're talking about Record of the Year nominees. And we're not talking about cultural impact, y'know? (At least for now, this is gonna go all over the place.) We're talking about my shitty opinion which, here, overlaps with that of the Grammys in this instance. "The Girl from Ipanema" is dope.

TRUE ENDING: "The Girl from Ipanema"

1966 "Yesterday," by The Beatles "The 'In' Crowd," by The Ramsey Lewis Trio "King of the Road," by Roger Miller "The Shadow of Your Smile," by Tony Bennett WINNER: "A Taste of Honey," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

It sounds like taking the easy way out to pick what is widely recognized as the best song ever made by what is widely recognized as the best rock band of all time, but. Um. It's really hard to argue for the other four songs here. You could, in a vacuum, almost make an argument for "The 'In' Crowd?" But I'm at the point in this project where I am completely okay with the idea of never hearing a jazz instrumental ever again. Also I regret being mean to Barbra Streisand the last two years, you're right, those jokes were unair, she's a national treasure and I miss the days when true theatre kids could score Record of the Year noms. The only representation theatre kids get in pop music these days is Tay Tay, and that's disappointing. Anyhoo, yeah, fucking "Yesterday." Whatever.

TRUE ENDING: "Yesterday"

1967 "Almost Persuaded," by David Houston "Monday, Monday," by The Mamas & the Papas "What Now My Love," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass "Winchester Cathedral," by The New Vaudeville Band WINNER: "Strangers in the Night," by Frank Sinatra

One positive from this experience is that all the Mario Maker videos that YouTube had been recommending to me for months are being replaced with songs from the '60s YouTube thinks I might enjoy. Lemme talk about my YouTube recommendations window for a hot second because it’s gone through some shit to get me to watch Mario Maker content. There was a chain. Like, carlsagan42, I could understand, I'd watched AGDQ VODs that featured him, YouTube knew I liked speedrunning and Let's Plays of Mario Maker, here's this guy. And GrandPooBear, that was fair, he was in AGDQ, he seemed like a chill dude, it made sense I would enjoy him, too. But now it's recommending just random dudes to me. "Here's a white dude with a beard playing carlsagan's troll level!" Alright, I guess I fuck with him, he seems chill. "Hey! We found this white dude with a beard playing that white dude with a beard's troll level!" Wh - okay, this is, why is his display name Japanese, I don't, why are y "Here's a dude who just plays troll levels!" GREAT, WHY. WHY DID HE MAKE A CAREER OF DOING THAT. These songs are uninspiring, is what I'm saying. In 1966, notable releases (according to Wikipedia so who actually knows but I'ma go with it) include "The Sound of Silence," "Uptight (Everything's Alright)," "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," "When a Man Loves a Woman," "Paint it Black," "You Can't Hurry Love," "It's a Man's Man's Man's World," "I Got You (I Feel Good)," "Good Vibrations," "I'm a Believer," and "You Keep Me Hanging On." "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." "God Only Knows!" I listened to "Winchester Cathedral." None of these songs deserve any recognition.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Monday, Monday" but legit who could find it in them to care

1968 "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," by Glen Campbell "My Cup Runneth Over," by Ed Ames "Ode to Billie Joe," by Bobbie Gentry "Somethin' Stupid," by Nancy Sinatra & Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Up, Up and Away," by The 5th Dimension

R E S P-E C T No but like legit there was one year where it sounded like the Grammys were finally over the '50s. Ah, but no! No. ...The world had "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" in 1967. Fucking, a version of "Try a Little Tenderness" dropped in 1967. AND THEY HAD "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER." I AM APPALLED. I AM AGHAST. THIS I -- man, fuck this awards show in particular. I'm giving this to "Ode to Billie Joe" because it's the only song of this bunch I feel I'm being unfair to by bringing up better songs. That song holds its own. It's dark, it's grim, it fucks you up in all the right ways. It's the rare song that feels dated because it's so far ahead of its genre's current game. And I guess I'm down with "Up, Up and Away," too, sure, yeah, whatever, I'm down for a nice song about balloon rides. Everything else, tho. Especially "Somethin' Stupid." Wow. That sure is a thing that happened. That sure is a thing multiple people thought was a great idea! My stars.

TRUE ENDING: "Ode to Billie Joe"

1969 "Harper Valley PTA," by Jeannie C. Riley "Hey Jude," by The Beatles "Honey," by Bobby Goldsboro "Wichita Lineman," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Mrs. Robinson," by Simon & Garfunkel

In back-to-back years, country songs performed by women were nominated for Record of the Year and subsequently adopted into feature-length films. Country music used to own, is the primary takeaway from this exercise so far. Anyhoo. I'm not gonna judge these nominees by what they could have been, because it's not necessarily these songs' fault they're not the songs that actually define this era of American history. They're nice, safe songs, and it's totally understandable why a committee wouldn't disagree with making these the five songs they wanted to present to an increasingly discomfited public for their good-time parade of nice-seeming celebrity. I don't know why I expected an awards show to lead any kind of movement in the late 1960s, it's not their job now and it certainly wasn't then, but I thought I'd at least be getting jams from the past. I got the worst Beatles song and "My Cup Runneth Over."

TRUE ENDING: "Harper Valley PTA"

1970 "A Boy Named Sue," by Johnny Cash "Is That All There Is?" by Peggy Lee "A Time for Us," by Henry Mancini "Spinning Wheel," by Blood, Sweat & Tears WINNER: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In," by The 5th Dimension

Well, this is the least disappointing batch of nominees in years! These songs are more than unobjectionable. "A Boy Named Sue" and "Is That All There Is?" and "Aquarius" are all unimpeachable. Picking one of those three is rough, but honestly I'm just stoked to have a hard choice to make. ...I almost want to go with "A Boy Named Sue" just so I don't have to agree with the Grammys after slagging on them so much, but like "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In." Like, I have a vision of what the 1970s sounded like, and I just typed I had a vision of what something sounded like and I need to like take a walk or drink a water or something. Take a moment, take a breath, come back stronger.

TRUE ENDING: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In"

1971

"(They Long to Be) Close to You," by The Carpenters "Everything is Beautiful," by Ray Stevens "Fire and Rain," by James Taylor "Let It Be," by The Beatles WINNER: "Bridge Over Troubled Water," by Simon & Garfunkel

...OK I'm not into any of these so let's just list other notable songs that were likely released in 1970. "ABC." "Big Yellow Taxi." "Black Magic Woman." "Express Yourself." "Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine." "I WANT YOU BACK." They nominated a song which explicitly states that everything is beautiful and ignored the song which provides IRREFUTABLE FUCKING PROOF the world is beautiful. We're not done. "Lola." "The Letter." "Paranoid." "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS." NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. ONLY THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG OF ALL TIME. THAT HAS NO PLACE IN THE GRAMMYS! WHY SHOULD IT? THERE'S TOO MANY BALLADS IN THE WORLD FOR US TO PAY "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS" ANY MIND. Shit. I dunno. How could I possibly know.

TRUE ENDING: "(They Long to Be) Close to You"

1972 "Joy to the World," by Three Dog Night "My Sweet Lord," by George Harrison "Theme from Shaft," by Isaac Hayes "You've Got a Friend," by James Taylor WINNER: "It's Too Late," by Carole King

OH HELL YES. I can get behind this field, which is to say: I am getting behind the theme from Shaft. "Joy to the World" is lovably loony, I'm not about to speak ill of Carole King, "My Sweet Lord" is about as good a song like that as you're ever gonna find, but Shaft. Shaft, y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Theme from Shaft"

1973 "Alone Again (Naturally)," by Gilbert O'Sullivan "American Pie," by Don McLean "Song Sung Blue," by Neil Diamond "Without You," by Harry Nilsson WINNER: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," by Roberta Flack

"Superstition." I honestly don't get what Kanye hopes to accomplish by boycotting the Grammys when the Grammys couldn't give "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours" or "Superstition" their due. What even was that Gilbert O'Sullivan nonsense. Criminy. This is, this is just who they are, y'know? Neil Diamond sings the blues. That most iconic blues performer, Neil Diamond. They get no points for giving the trophy to Roberta Flack. Roberta Flack is something we can all agree on, you don't get a PhD in astronomy for pointing at the sun and saying "that's a bright ol' star!" and you don't get credence as a song-recognizing function for recognizing Roberta Flack made a good song.

TRUE ENDING: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

1974 "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown," by Jim Croce "Behind Closed Doors," by Charlie Rich "You Are the Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder "You're So Vain," by Carly Simon WINNER: "Killing Me Softly with His Song," by Roberta Flack

I. I don't WANT to agree with this terrible program twice in a row. I'm glad to see Stevie eventually got a make-up nom, but I don't really feel that song too deeply (at least, judged against the rest of his catalogue; this would be the best song Gilbert O'Sullivan ever made by a country-ass mile), and no that doesn't make any sense but I've listened to 16 years' worth of songs the Grammys think are good, I'm not in a good place right now. I could easily say "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" takes it, it's a great song, it wouldn't be that b -- but "Killing Me Softly with His Song," though! Am I sort of giving it the nod because of The Fugees' version? Yes, but, see, The Fugees' version doesn't get nominated, so.

TRUE ENDING: "Killing Me Softly with His Song"

1975 "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," by Elton John "Feel Like Makin' Love," by Roberta Flack "Help Me," by Joni Mitchell "Midnight at the Oasis," by Maria Muldaur WINNER: "I Honestly Love You," by Olivia Newton-John

...I mean. I sort of decided to make Roberta Flack a hero today after spending a lifetime not thinking of her that often? But I spent the entire 1960s listening to jazz compositions and friendly dads giving me life advice. "Feel Like Makin' Love" is, when considering the scale of this project, like breathing in skunkless country air after a lifetime in the city. Which isn't to say "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" isn't the class of the pop sub-genre Songs Clay Aiken Can Capably Perform, or that "Help Me" isn't a jam. Just, Roberta Flack made three nice songs, and that makes this project worth pursuing somehow, no matter how many times I have to listen to blondes whisper about how much they love someone.

TRUE ENDING: "Feel Like Makin' Love"

1976 "At Seventeen," by Janis Ian "Lyin' Eyes," by Eagles "Mandy," by Barry Manilow "Rhinestone Cowboy," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Love Will Keep Us Together," by Captain & Tennille

the best song i heard in this batch was the five seconds of rock guitar in the miller lite ad that presaged "rhinestone cowboy." i mean, on its own, "rhinestone cowboy" would have been the true ending, but that five seconds of guitar the youtube advertising algorithm attached to the beginning pushed it over the top.

TRUE ENDING: "Rhinestone Cowboy"

1977 "Afternoon Delight," by Starland Vocal Band "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon "I Write the Songs," by Barry Manilow "If You Leave Me Now," by Chicago WINNER: "This Masquerade," by George Benson

...So, it's been a while, right, since we complained that what was presented to us isn't what it could've been? But since a clear novelty song about bangin' when the sun's out was given a nod, let's see what else 1976 had to offer. Hm, well, the two biggest hits of the year were "Dancing Queen" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." Those aren't too egregious, assuming your standard for egregious is "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours." Which is to say, if you're dead inside, those aren't notable omissions. "Baby, I Love Your Way" is as basic as anything in this field, but I think people remember that as an Actually Good song, so I'ma bring that up. "I Wish!" "The Rubberband Man" is the best song about a fat man playing his body as an instrument you're ever like to hear. "Squeeze Box" was the centerpoint of one of the better Freaks & Geeks scenes. I'm listening to "I Write the Songs." Everyone who thinks the past is better is wrong. "I Write the Songs” is a less self-aware version of "7 Years." "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" is acceptable, I guess. It was compelling, and it grabbed my attention. I think "This Masquerade" had its moments, but "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" had me. I dunno. I think it's just bad that I, a music history simpleton, could come up with a viable ROTY field with like half a minute of looking at Wikipedia. Hell, I'm gonna go ahead and be super unfair and judge the Grammys for not seeing into the future and seeing all the dope tweets about "The Boys Are Back in Town."

TRUE ENDING: "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

1978 "Blue Bayou," by Linda Rondstadt "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue," by Crystal Gayle "Evergreen (Love Theme from A Star Is Born)," by Barbra Streisand "You Light Up My Life," by Debby Boone WINNER: "Hotel California," by Eagles

I'm going to give this year props for featuring four songs performed by women in the ROTY field. Remember my alt-nominee field from last year? The only women in that field were in ABBA. So at least the Grammys got this right, ignore the racial composition of this field DON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IT, and then it would be until 1999 that the Grammys would have another year with a 4:1 female:male ratio in this category. Anyway, "Blue Bayou." If that surprises you, you haven't been paying attention.

TRUE ENDING: "Blue Bayou"

1979 "Baker Street," by Gerry Rafferty "Feels So Good," by Chuck Mangione "Stayin' Alive," by Bee Gees "You Needed Me," by Anne Murray WINNER: "Just the Way You Are," by Billy Joel

...i thought we were done with jazz instrumentals. another fool am i. Anyway fuck everything in this world that isn't the sax solo in "Baker Street" for not being the sax solo in "Baker Street." See that song is basically a jazz instrumental, but,,, the sax solo in "Baker Street" is maybe the greatest thing that's ever been? Also let's just note how the first disco song nominated for Record of the Year is by three white dudes. Dope. History is cool. But at least we have the sax solo from "Baker Street" to keep us warm.

TRUE ENDING: "Baker Street"

1980 "After the Love Has Gone," by Earth, Wind and Fire "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," by Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond WINNER: "What a Fool Believes," by The Doobie Brothers

listen, i took some time off to do other things, and then i woke up at two am this morning and said, "let's continue this fool's errand!" and i made it through a few years and now it's two hours later and i am interesting in selecting the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS CHOICE and moving on

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Survive"

1981 "The Rose," by Bette Midler "Lady," by Kenny Rogers "Theme from New York, New York," by Frank Sinatra "Woman in Love," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "Sailing," by Christopher Cross

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. um. i mean, 1980 isn't a particularly inspiring year? but got.DAMN this field is so bad "escape (the pina colada song)" has a viable claim to snub status. how did this awards show survive? how did we never do better than this? are we just committed to not being into the american music awards?

TRUE ENDING: "Woman in Love"

1982 "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," by Christopher Cross "(Just Like) Starting Over," by John Lennon "Endless Love," by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie "Just the Two of Us," by Grover Washington, Jr. with Bill Withers "Bette Davis Eyes," by Kim Carnes

I've listened to two Christopher Cross songs and "Endless Love" before having any coffee, which was a mistake. We're at this weird point in history where my unearned nostalgia doesn't exist because I'm pretty sure the '80s were mostly terrible, and the Grammys aren't 1981 bad because I get a chance to shout out Bill Withers (which I'm sure he totally appreciates, this sort of seems like something that wouldn't insult his very being, is some asshat pointing out how great he is in a whole entire piece where nothing of substance is ever said), but they're still really fuckin' bad. Also ignore what I said about the '80s being terrible because fuckin' "9 to 5" was dropped this year, as was "Don't Stop Believin'!" They selected John Lennon's best Queen impression. Dead Kennedys released a song called "Nazi Punks Fuck Off!" in 1981. That classic is, somehow, timeless.

TRUE ENDING: "Just the Two of Us"

1983 "Steppin' Out," by Joe Jackson "Ebony and Ivory," by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder "Always on My Mind," by Willie Nelson "Chariots of Fire," by Vangelis WINNER: "Rosanna," by Toto

As alluded to above, I am a card-carrying member of something I guess I have to call Poo Nation. (There is no card, regrettably.) I'd have to check the rules, but I am pretty sure I'm not allowed to besmirch the good name of Toto, even if the song in question is not "Africa." I think "Steppin' Out" might've been a good true ending in an alternate universe, and it's hard to deny "Chariots of Fire" is legendary (if anything has to be the last instrumental I hear while doing this, I'm glad it was that), but I'm not tryna incur anyone's wrath here. Also, hey, here's Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson, getting makeup nods for lesser tracks. "Ebony and Ivory," that's just a more prestigious version of "Accidental Racist." No one should feel good about that song. But the first six seconds of Rosanna, that's a sort of "pinnacle of human achievement" thing, that's something we should put in a museum.

TRUE ENDING: "Rosanna"

1984 "Flashdance... What a Feeling," by Irene Cara "Every Breath You Take," by The Police "All Night Long (All Night)," by Lionel Richie "Maniac," by Michael Sembello WINNER: "Beat It!" by Michael Jackson

Wh... What is this? What just happened? A whole five songs I've listened to outside the context of this project? Songs which all still endure to this day? A winner that could actually stake a claim as the most iconic song of 1983? The Grammys! It's like you just took off your glasses and did your hair all fancy and showed up to prom, and I'm just like, oh shit, the theatre dork was actually hot all along! Did we find it? Did we find the turning point? Did Flashdance provide the turning point? Is that the movie musical you guys watched and thought, "Oh shit, this music actually kind of goes, I think we oughta get with the times?" /looks at the next year/ IT IS! Bless you, Flashdance. Bless this change you provoked in the Grammys. I'm not about to do something silly like not pick "Beat It!" but I will at least acknowledge that you are phenomenal and were the true spark that ignited the Grammys and also no one involved in your production ever fucked any kids, probably.

TRUE ENDING: "Beat It!"

1985 "Hard Habit to Break," by Chicago "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," by Cyndi Lauper "The Heart of Rock 'n Roll," by Huey Lewis and the News "Dancing in the Dark," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

hm. it's such a tight field we have here. not a one clear standout in this bunch. i don't know. this is a tough choice. i'm sure glad i wasn't a voting member in 1985. imagine seeing the choice laid before you and slowly having the impossibility of the task ahead dawn on you. what a daunting prospect. (tell ya what tho, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is a strong-as-hell second place, and "Dancing in the Dark" is possibly the strongest bronze.)

TRUE ENDING: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

1986 "Money for Nothing," by Dire Straits "The Boys of Summer," by Don Henley "The Power of Love," by Huey Lewis & the News "Born in the U.S.A.," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "We Are the World," by USA for Africa

oh praise ra i actually get to break from the grammys So I think "The Power of Love" is solid, I think it'd be hard to find someone who'd say they have any sort of disagreement with this sound. "Born in the U.S.A." is similarly a classic. I love how The Other Side keeps trying to repurpose it as a rousing anthem for them when it is an absolutely scathing indictment of what has become of the American working class. It's such a self-own, playing this song at Republican conventions, and I love it every time it happens. You think they'd have learned how to process subtlety by now! But: I am not attached to "Born in the U.S.A." too deeply beyond that. As an emokid straight outta the mid-aughts (hey there goes my claim to any valid political opinion! later, bro!), have a special connection to "Boys of Summer," tho. Is Don Henley's version The Ataris' version? No. It is not. But we set the precedent in the Roberta Flack threepeat that, even though this is Record of the Year, we will recognize the power of the composition. We also must acknowledge that "Money for Nothing" is the absolute fucking worst.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boys of Summer"

1987 "Sledgehammer," by Peter Gabriel "Greatest Love of All," by Whitney Houston "Addicted to Love," by Robert Palmer "That's What Friends Are For," by Dionne Warwick & Friends WINNER: "Higher Love," by Steve Winwood

One other notable change, apart from the fact the songs are now actual songs that I can imagine people casually listening to in the era in which they were released: these songs are fucking long. You go back to the first Grammys, I don't think any songs lasted past 3:15, and now we have "Sledgehammer," which lasts five minutes. All the songs from the 1986 field were five minutes long. It sort of feels like we've trimmed the excess in our modern era, because my reaction to all these songs is, "Alright, I'm feeling this one! I am grooving! ...Okay, I've grooved. I've felt it. You can go now. No, you can g -- oh, more? OK, cool, I guess that's cool." Except "Addicted to Love." That's a positively breezy four minutes, and it holds the attention the entire time. It's slightly leery? It's kind of "Blurred Lines"y? But it's not overtly gross that it's unworthy of celebration!

TRUE ENDING: "Addicted to Love"

1988 "La Bamba," by Los Lobos "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," by U2 "Luka," by Suzanne Vega "Back in the High Life Again," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Graceland," by Paul Simon

...Yeah, fuck it, "La Bamba," I don't like that the choice I have to make is a cover of a '50s hit, but HASHTAG GRAMMYS, amirite. Time to look at Wikipedia because the Grammys have displeased me! ...OK, so there's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." "Alone" has been a stable of reality singing competitions for thirty years, now! "Bad" woulda been acceptable. "Don't Dream It's Over" may not be the most notable tune in the world, but unlike eventual champion "La Bamba," it was made in 1987. "UM "FAITH" HOW ABOUT?! "The Final Countdown" is listed as a 1987 single and I get why it wouldn't get ROTY love but I would be remiss not to point out its presence on the list. Who doen't love "(I Just) Died in Your Arms?" LL Cool J coulda gotten some hype, I'm not gonna pretend to be familiar with '80s rap but that's a name I know. "Need You Tonight" got INXS a reality show 20 years later. WHAT THE FUCK YOU COULD'VE EASILY REPLACED "LA BAMBA" WITH "RHYTHM IS GONNA GET YOU." "Welcome to the Jungle" is a metal song, sure, but you're gonna tell me that's less influential than "Graceland?" Also I changed my mind because I forgot how fucking good "Luka" is.

TRUE ENDING: "Luka."

1989 "Giving You the Best That I Got," by Anita Baker "Fast Car," by Tracy Chapman "Man in the Mirror," by Michael Jackson "Roll with It," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Don't Worry, Be Happy," by Bobby McFerrin

I commend "Don't Worry, By Happy" for laying the foundation for maybe the greatest Key & Peele sketch, and I'm loathe to pick two unrelentingly sad songs about good people in awful situations in a row, but, like, "Fast Car." "Fast Car," y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Fast Car"

1990 "The End of the Innocence," by Don Henley "She Drives Me Crazy," by Fine Young Cannibals "We Didn't Start the Fire," by Billy Joel "The Living Years," by Mike + the Mechanics WINNER: "Wind Beneath My Wings," by Bette Midler

So apparently the two things I liked about the 1980s are the kitschy one-hit-wonder-y singles that are completely of their times, and the songs about horrifying tragedies. But y'know what at least those were closer to the vision of '80s music I had in my head than the options from the '70s were to ‘70s music. I don't know if that sentence makes sense. I've listened to a lot of bad and/or trashy music. For no reason. When was the last time I asked why I was doing this? I would like to ask that question again: why am I doing this

TRUE ENDING: "She Drives Me Crazy"

1991 "Vision of Love," by Mariah Carey "U Can't Touch This," by MC Hammer "From a Distance," by Bette Midler "Nothing Compares 2 U," by Sinead O'Connor WINNER: "Another Day in Paradise," by Phil Collins

MC Hammer has more ROTY nominations as a performer than Prince. The first rap song ever nominated for ROTY was "U Can't Touch This." MC Hammer was the first rapper to earn a ROTY nomination. ...You're right, this isn't fair, MC Hammer apparently built himself, and the distinction easily could've gone to MC Skat Kat. That's the motto: no matter how bad, it could always be worse. TRUE ENDING: "Vision of Love"

1992 "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You," by Bryan Adams "Baby Baby," by Amy Grant "Something to Talk About," by Bonnie Raitt "Losing My Religion," by R.E.M. WINNER: "Unforgettable," by Natalie Cole w/Nat King Cole

I am 100% convinced "Unforgettable" only won because the Grammys were completely in love with the fact Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole performed together. "Look!" they said, laughing and clapping. "Their names are of similar mouthsound! Delightful!" Anyway, instead of the idiosyncratic rock song, we're going with the country song about doin' it.

TRUE ENDING: "Something to Talk About"

1993 "Achy Breaky Heart," by Billy Ray Cyrus "Beauty & the Beast," by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson "Constant Craving," by k.d. lang "Save the Best for Last," by Vanessa Williams WINNER: "Tears in Heaven," by Eric Clapton

OH SHIT THE GRAMMYS JUST HIT US WITH THE THROWBACK! Awful novelty single? CHECK. Treacly ballad? CHECK. Ponderous slow song from an influential-but-overlooked performer? I FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING IT BECAUSE IT'S A SONG ABOUT HIS KID WHO DIED BUT, OKAY, THIS IS WHO I AM, CHECK. And we have A NEW KIND OF BAD this year: THE POP VERSION OF THE SONG FROM THE MOVIE MUSICAL. Angela Lansbury or GTFO. k.d. lang does sort of earn this by default, I'm not gonna lie to you and say I dug the song presented to me, but I absoltuely respect the pioneering work she did in advancing stylization in performers' name. k.d. lang paved the streets on which Panic! At the Disco marches.

TRUE ENDING: "Constant Craving"

1994 "A Whole New World," by Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle "The River of Dreams," by Billy Joel "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You," by Sting "Harvest Moon," by Neil Young WINNER: "I Will Always Love You," by Whitney Houston

The end result is always the same, no matter what, but hoo boy, this sequence is something else. '90s music is generally ugh, but you had "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang," "Mr. Jones," "No Rain," "Shoop," "What's Up?" But this. Billy Joel. Again. It's only been three times or something but it feels like Billy Joel has been nominated for this award every year.

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Always Love You"

1995 "I'll Make Love to You," by Boyz II Men "He Thinks He'll Keep Her," by Mary Chapin Carpenter "Love Sneakin' up on You," by Bonnie Raitt "Streets of Philadelphia," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "All I Wanna Do," by Sheryl Crow

The Grammys have relapsed pretty hard. And because we're in the 1990s, and also I've kind of hit a wall in terms of my enthusiasm for this project, I'm not even listening to these songs, because there's not any lessons to be gleaned here, music was being taken over by grunge and rap and the Grammys didn't know how to react so they literally gave their biggest award to a song which states, "All I wanna do is have some fun." Let's just have some fun, guys! Stop being so sad about everything, let's just, let's play Parcheesi! You used to love Parcheesi! Let's play Parcheesi and just, let's just have some fun! But yeah the Grammys are havin' some issues coming to terms with reality.

TRUE ENDING: "I'll Make Love to You"

1996 "One Sweet Day," by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men "Gangsta's Paradise," by Coolio "One of Us," by Joan Osborne "Waterfalls," by TLC WINNER: "Kiss from a Rose," by Seal

Now THIS. This, I can extremely fuck with. Nary a quibble I have with the Grammys' assessment of 1995! Do I maybe trade out "One Sweet Day" for "Fantasy?" Of course, I'm not that dead inside. Do I maybe replace "One of Us" with "You Oughta Know?" Eh, I think "One of Us" is more timeless, in that it's about God and not Dave Coulier, but I'd hear the argument. Do I maybe put "Life's a Bitch" in there instead of "Gangsta's Paradise?" Yes, but I completely get why they wouldn't. I think we've found it. I think we've found the most acceptable list! And the winner is almost the acceptable winner! Also, I didn't realize this until I dove into the list of hits from 1995, but apparently Ko[backwards R]n and P.O.D. were active and hitmakers in 1995. I knew it was coming soon? But I didn’t think it started when I was in Kindergarten.

TRUE ENDING: "Gangsta's Paradise"

1997 "Give Me One Reason," by Tracy Chapman "Because You Loved Me," by Celine Dion "Ironic," by Alanis Morissette "1979," by The Smashing Pumpkins WINNER: "Change the World," by Eric Clapton

And we're back. Though, hey, the Grammys are still making incremental progress. There's grunge, earning respectful recognition that it did, indeed, happen, and the Grammys were aware of it but ever distant! Alanis Morissette gets a nod for writing a song about how sometimes bad things happen! And TRACY CHAPMAN JUST ENDS THE FUCKING GAME. Someone once described "Give Me One Reason" as the last true blues hit, and that is such an accurate assessment. Everything about "Give Me One Reason" owns. I am thrilled to have shared some portion of the earth with the two Tracy Chapman songs we have briefly discussed.

TRUE ENDING: "Give Me One Reason"

1998 "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole "Everyday Is a Winding Road," by Sheryl Crow "MMMBop," by Hanson "I Believe I Can Fly," by R. Kelly WINNER: "Sunny Came Home," by Shawn Colvin

I believe it was @fart who tweeted that "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "The Boys Are Back in Town" share two different perspectives of the same event, and I'm sticking to that here. This right here is sort of the distillation of the '90s, assuming you're ignoring, y'know, rap: while you can't deny that this was probably what everyone in the '90s was listening to, you can absolutely fault everyone in the '90s for listening to this, because this is bad. But this is what was popular! "MMMBop," a song about grappling with your own mortality while making mouthsounds, was the biggest fucking song! You couldn't escape it! "It" referring to "MMMBop!" Like, the 1981 field was bad? But it was bad because it was bland, and it was regressive, and it wasn't of the time. This is bad because the songs are bad. They're all dated, they have no appeal beyond kitschiness, they're just, ugh. For once, it's not the Grammys' fault. ...Not entirely. Again: rap. We had that. We didn't have do the Sheryl Crow thing again.

TRUE ENDING: "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?"

1999 "The Boy Is Mine," by Brandy & Monica "Iris," by Goo Goo Dolls "Ray of Light," by Madonna "You're Still the One," by Shania Twain WINNER: "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion

The '90s weren't without their saving graces, of course. Golly. Imagine being presented with this field and voting for something that wasn't "The Boy Is Mine." So many people did! I'm not gonna sit here and say that "My Heart Will Go On" wasn't the biggest musical craze of 1998, I lived through that shit, I endured that shit, believe you me, from a historical standpoint, it deserves this award. It's not history's fault, though, that so many more people listened to "My Heart Will Go On" than "The Boy Is Mine." It's those people's fault. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE. What was wrong with you. ...At least you're still 15 or so years from your choice being Macklemore. It's hard to tell which is worse, but at least there's a good chunk of time between your failings.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boy Is Mine"

2000 "I Want It That Way," by Backstreet Boys "Believe," by Cher "Livin' La Vida Loca," by Ricky Martin "No Scrubs," by TLC WINNER: "Smooth," by Santana ft./Rob Thomas

...I don't like what I'm about to do. You know I think "Smooth" is a hot one. You know how I feel about guys in the passenger side of their best friend's ride, tryna holla at me. You know what I believe with regards to an existence of a life after love. You know I live that crazy life. ...If I'm doing karaoke, though. If I'm doing karaoke, and I need one song to fire every fucker in this dingy bar the fuck up, I need an all-time classic song that everyone loves and everyone knows, IF I AM SELECTING ONE JAM TO TAKE THIS PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH CALLED LIFE TO FLAVOR TOWN. ...It's gonna be "I Want It That Way." It's a perfect song. It is expertly crafted, the epitome of Swedish song design. It's this massive engine driving this amazing being into existence. I don't like that it is perfect. You may not like that it is perfect. But it is perfect and we love it. There are truths in life which are undeniable. "I Want It That Way" is one such truth.

TRUE ENDING: "I Want It That Way"

2001 "Say My Name," by Destinys Child "I Try," by Macy Gray "Music," by Madonna "Bye Bye Bye," by *NSYNC WINNER: "Beautiful Day," by U2

ugh what is with the u2 thing Anyway, this would ideally be where we start recognizing the things Beyonce has done for the world and all who live in it, except "I Try" is amazing. Also we're in the aughts and everyone knows and loves the aughts and no one has anything bad to say about the aughts so I'm not even gonna try to stretch for profundity it's lightning round time.

TRUE ENDING: "I Try"

2002 "Video," by india.arie "Fallin'," by Alicia Keys "Ms. Jackson," by OutKast "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)," by Train WINNER: "Walk On," by U2

SERIOUSLY THIS U2 THING. WHAT ARE THEY SEEING THAT I'M NOT. WHAT COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE IN THERE. Anyway, hello. Rap has been around for two and a half decades and three rap songs have been nominated for Record of the Year in this space. That is as many rap songs as U2 songs in the same span of time. And lemme just skip ahead real quick here, and... Yep, yep, of course, the entire genre of rap and U2 are still tied in the official Record of the Year Grammy count! That's incredibly acceptable and great.

TRUE ENDING: "Ms. Jackson"

2003 "A Thousand Miles," by Vanessa Carlton "Without Me," by Eminem "Dilemma," by Nelly & Kelly Rowland "How You Remind Me," by Nickelback WINNER: "Don't Know Why," by Norah Jones

Legit question: is "Dilemma" the last great duet? I know Drake and Rihanna have put in work trying to find a great duet, I know Usher and Alicia Keys dropped "My Boo," I'm going to point out New Found Glory and Hayley Williams collaborated on "Vicious Love" and wait until this point is completely ignored before I move on, there we go, I think this might be the last great pop duet! I think the last great pop duet features the iconic screencap of Microsoft Excel Messenger!

TRUE ENDING: "Dilemma"

2004 "Crazy in Love," by Beyonce ft./Jay-Z "Where Is the Love?" by The Black Eyed Peas "Lose Yourself," by Eminem "Hey Ya!" by OutKast WINNER: "Clocks," by Coldplay

See, I'm disqualifying "Crazy in Love" from consideration from the "great duets" debate because it's not a duet. Jay-Z has a feature verse. Anyway: FUCK THIS. "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" absolutely 100% fuck this. Like that's a goddamn debate right there. There could be an entire 1000-episode podcast debating who should have won this category, "Crazy in Love" or "Hey Ya!" And it's not like the other three are slouches. "Lose Yourself" is disappointingly but definitely more popular than either track, "Where Is the Love?" is the kinda-awesome midpoint between Woke BEP and Party BEP, and I'd bop "Clocks" from the party but I'd let it hang for a few minutes, get a glimpse of a world other than its own before throwing it out on its ass. But "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" Fuck, dude. ...Grammys can tie, right? Yeah, there's ties in the Grammys. Fuck it, even if there's not ties in the Grammys, there's ties in this weird alternate reality Grammys because legitimately how the fuck do you choose.

TRUE ENDING: "Hey Ya!" & "Crazy in Love"

2005 "Let's Get it Started," by The Black Eyed Peas "American Idiot," by Green Day "Heaven," by Los Lonely Boys "Yeah!" by Usher ft./Lil' Jon & Ludacris WINNER: "Here We Go Again," by Ray Charles & Norah Jones

...Like?

TRUE ENDING: "Yeah!"

2006 "We Belong Together," by Mariah Carey "Feel Good Inc.," by Gorillaz ft./De La Soul "Hollaback Girl," by Gwen Stefani "Gold Digger," by Kanye West ft./Jamie Foxx WINNER: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," by Green Day

...OK, shit. Um. "We Belong Together" set the Mariah comeback in stone and history has a place for it, but I don't have a trophy for it. It's "Gold Digger" vs. "Boulevard" for me, and... And I think I gotta give it to. "Boulevard?" See, here's the thing, though, if "Stronger" were nominated a few years down the line, or "Love Lockdown," or "Niggas in Paris," yes! Absolutely, there'd be an argument! But "Gold Digger" is... Not his finest song? It's a funny-ish song about a stereotype. It has charm, it has that Ray Charles sample, but it's sort of, what's the phrase I'm looking for? Chop up the soul Kanye? It's that. It's good not great. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is a song that captured the hopelessness and futility of life as a lower-class individual in the Bush era and is presently capturing the hopelessness and futility of life as anyone in the Trump era. The world needed and continues to need songs like that.

TRUE ENDING: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

2007 "Be Without You," by Mary J. Blige "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt "Crazy," by Gnarls Barkley "Put Your Records On," by Corinne Bailey Rae WINNER: "Not Ready to Make Nice," by Dixie Chicks

"Not Ready to Make Nice" is the shit. I wanted Mary J. Blige or Gnarls Barkley to win, I could almost write that argument, but I just, "Not Ready to Make Nice" is the angriest song ever written. It is the apotheosis of the "message to the haters" song; it walks the same thematic ground as Tay Tay's "Shake It Off," but thunder emanates from its every step. And it's angry in that plain-spoken metaphorless way only country music can pull off. She does not obscure what has her fucked up: the letter stated, "shut up and sing or your life will be over." She is not going to forget. It's so powerful. Does it define 2006 in music? No, let's not be silly, "SexyBack" owned the year, Timbaland had more than a few songs hit #1, this song didn't have reach or impacy beyond the Grammy, but this song. This fucking song, man.

TRUE ENDING: "Not Ready to Make Nice"

2008 "Irreplaceable," by Beyonce "The Pretender," by Foo Fighters "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z "What Goes Around.../...Comes Around," by Justin Timberlake WINNER: "Rehab," by Amy Winehouse

okay no need to write an extended defense of this one, we know what's up

TRUE ENDING: "Irreplaceable"

2009 "Chasing Pavements," by Adele "Viva la Vida," by Coldplay "Bleeding Love," by Leona Lewis "Paper Planes," by M.I.A. WINNER: "Please Read the Letter," by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

i'm not really feelin' any of these songs, but WE'RE SO CLOSE TO THE END so fuck it here's the song i come closest to feeling

TRUE ENDING: "Paper Planes"

2010 "Halo," by Beyonce "I Gotta Feeling," by The Black Eyed Peas "Poker Face," by Lady Gaga "You Belong with Me," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Use Somebody," by Kings of Leon

oh wow, so, y'know, okay, how? how do we still have years like this? i know dope tunes were released in 2009 because i lived it, how do so many people get together and think, "yes! these!" this field is so bad, if you dropped drake's "best i ever had" into it, it would have a legit claim to the title. this is unconscionable! i hate this! why did i do this?

TRUE ENDING: "Poker Face"

2011 "Nothin' on You," by B.O.B. ft./Bruno Mars "Love the Way You Lie," by Eminem & Rihanna "Fuck You," by Cee Lo Green "Empire State of Mind," by Jay-Z ft./Alicia Keys WINNER: "Need You Now," by Lady Antebellum

Ah, the poetry of a group with the word Antebellum in their name emerging from a pack of black artists to claim a trophy they didn't deserve. Memories! What lovely recent history! Anyhoo, as sure as the earth is round, "Fuck You" is the best pop song of the decade so far. I'll fight you. Dungeon fam, I just gave you two Grammys for the mantle.

TRUE ENDING: "Fuck You"

2012 "Holocene," by Bon Iver "Grenade," by Bruno Mars "The Cave," by Mumford & Sons "Firework," by Katy Perry TRUE ENDING: "Rolling in the Deep," by Adele

"love on top," "party rock anthem," "niggas in paris," "the motto," "the edge of glory." what the fuck, you guys. picking songs that are good isn't hard but you fucked it up five times in a row somehow.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Rolling in the Deep" i guess? ye gods this is dire

2013 "Lonely Boy," by The Black Keys "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)," by Kelly Clarkson "We Are Young," by Fun. ft./Janelle Monae "Thinkin Bout You," by Frank Ocean "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Somebody That I Used to Know," by Gotye ft./Kimbra

So now that we have years and years of historical context for the Grammys, let's take a minute to discuss what a miracle it was that Frank Ocean was ever nominated. The Grammys spent years ignoring anything resembling a subculture. As the 1960s grew increasingly psychedelic, the Grammys kept handing out nominations to Frank Sinatra and jazz instrumentals and gentle sweater dads. They dipped their toes into funkier things in the '70s, but they stayed the hell away from actual funk, from rock, from anything that looked like it might have been near cocaine at any point in their life. They gave Frank Sinatra a ROTY nomination in 1980. 1980! The Grammys had shown zero sign that they were even close to acknowledging a black man with ambiguous sexuality singing songs just on the edge of the mainstream existed. "Thinkin Bout You" peaked at 32 Stateside. There would have been zero outcry outside of The Internet if his song weren't nominated. And yet! They did! I don't get how, but I dig it! Anyway the best song of these six is "We Are Young" and how. How is "Call Me Maybe." ...A thousand steps forward, one step back, I guess.

TRUE ENDING: "We Are Young"

2014 "Radioactive," by Imagine Dragons "Royals," by Lorde "Locked Out of Heaven," by Bruno Mars "Blurred Lines," by Robin Thicke ft./Pharrell Williams & T.I. WINNER: "Get Lucky," by Daft Punk ft./Pharrell Williams

yeah they got it right, i don't care

TRUE ENDING: "Get Lucky"

2015 "Fancy," by Iggy Azalea ft./Charli XCX "Chandelier," by Sia "Shake It Off," by Tay Tay "All About that Bass," by Meghan Trainor WINNER: "Stay with Me," by Sam Smith

wooooooooooooooooooooooooow you really dont have to go back that far to find one of the all-time worst fields. i don't know if we've dropped any song off the face of the earth faster than "fancy," i barely even remembered it existed. "all about that bass" gets more embarrassing with each passing day. "stay with me" is mor pap. "shake it off" is horrifyingly immature and features tay tay rapping, which is, it's just a gross thing to have experienced. "chandelier." "chandelier" almost single-handedly redeems this field. i know i've used this blog to discuss what a miracle it is that sia exists as she does in the music landscape today, but legitimately, what the fuck. how? i don't mind! but how? but no for real "Chandelier," "Happy," "Problem," "Drunk in Love..." hoo boy 2014 was dire, uh, "Timber." shit, dude, yeah, "Timber." ok. ok yeah i guess it's ok as long as "Rude!" didn't make the cut.

TRUE ENDING: "Chandelier"

2016 "Really Love," by D'Angelo & the Vanguard "Thinking Out Loud," by Ed Sheeran "Blank Space," by Tay Tay "Can't Feel My Face," by The Weeknd WINNER: "Uptown Funk," by Mark Ronson ft./Bruno Mars

"Uptown Funk"/"Can't Feel My Face" is the toughest choice since "Hey Ya!"/"Crazy in Love." I think I give it to "Uptown Funk," simply because it doesn't feel like "Can't Feel My Face" exists without it, but man, "Can't Feel My Face" is such a solid track.

TRUE ENDING: "Uptown Funk"

2017 "Hello," by Adele "Formation," by Beyonce "7 Years," by Lukas Graham "Work," by Rihanna ft./Drake "Stressed Out," by twenty one pilots

listen, if i had to pick the field, it's "formation," "stresed out," "love yourself," "closer," and "black beatles." maybe throw "panda" in there over "stressed out," more people seemed to be into that than "stressed out," who cares, 2016 just wasn't great for anything on earth which exists, but hey! at least this field is more or less accurate! i don't know what "7 years" is doing here, and neither do you, but i know we're both hoping it wins so we can watch the first fires of the revolution.

TRUE ENDING: "Formation"

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