#to life the life of a stable adult. I'm going to be 29 this year id just like job stability so i can figure out how to balance that with

[timeisacephalopod]

You know people talk a lot of shit about 9-5 jobs but if I've learned anything over the years it's that I actually think work would be significantly less stressful for me if I had a stable schedule I could depend on staying the same rather than the scheduling I've had my entire working life, which is fuckin whatever hours land on the paper days nights or fuckin five am inventory wakeup calls and that's fucking exhausting lmao. It's so hard to plan a life when you never know what you're working two weeks from then, or when I worked at Cineplex, literally two fucking days before the work week started and only a week's worth of schedule, which should be illegal in my opinion because it becomes even more impossible to plan fuckin anything when you only have 7 days of a work schedule.

I'm kind of tired of jobs expecting me to bend over backwards with my hour availability but not even giving me enough time to have a schedule to plan anything around it like fuckin Drs appointments, weddings since I know two engaged people, emergencies, or even much needed mental health days. But no, I have to bend over backwards and offer all of my day up to a job in hopes of getting enough hours to live and the hours aren't even a stable schedule I would find genuinely more calming in my life in part because I'm a huge routine person and a job routine means I can settle the rest of my routines instead of forcing them around whatever dipshit hours I got this week.

[bellshazes]

peter today I've been arguing on twitter and clearly it's a sign I'm not meeting my needs in terms of meaningful engagement in making the world a better place. I applied to get training as a peer support worker, but if I don't get accepted do you have any other suggestions? [preferably something that can lead to work as opposed to only volunteering, bc tuition obvs doesn't pay itself]

-self actualization anon andy

holy shit best of luck I am rooting for you so hard!!!!!! Peer support specialists are some of the best people on earth, seriously, I have never met one I didn't love with every cell in my body.

With looming layoffs at my company I've been thinking about other jobs a lot and I fell into mine accidentally. I went from restaurant manager to home & auto insurance and got lucky with that, and then looked for admin positions and got one with an insurance plan that I only understood served foster youth after getting hired. When I was a restaurant manager I wrote about local arts things on the side to keep me alive, and that writing helped get the auto insurance job. It didn't help pay bills, but it made life livable.

I think there's a lot of good a social worker can do but you could not pay me any amount of money on earth to get an advanced degree in it and not even just because of your point about tuition. A lot might depend on where you live - in my state (Kentucky) I might recommend the Family and Youth Resource Centers (FRYSCies) or community based organizations like The Book Works or KY-SPIN that do educational advocacy and offer peer support-adjacent services that don't require PSS cert. Managed care is my field, and it's not the most stable but something like a Community Health Worker might give you some useful searches whether it's with insurance or not. Centers for Independent Living can vary in name and quality, but if youre US your state will have some. I wish I had more jobs I knew were meaningful or how to get into them.

And I don't know if it's relevant but... I didn't feel like a real adult until I was 27, and I'm only 29 now. I can't believe I used to just cold email people to interview them about the arts in my community - I was so desperate at 23, 25. I cooked potluck dinners every week for friends for a few years, even if it didn't matter what we ate. But I think my biggest strength is finding something in my job to care about impacting people - my ch*potle regulars, one of whom is still a good friend and also was a PSS briefly; my home customers who I could explain things to, help them understand their policies; supporting my direct care co-workers, finding ways to make their jobs a tiny bit easier. When you are hungry for connection it is so hard to stay hungry, but the older I get the more firmly I believe that every little thing you do to make a difference for somebody matters.

I may not know you, but if you're looking for meaningful work in places like PSS certifications, I bet you have it in you to find ways of making that difference. And you never run out of chances, even if you're twice my age you still have years to go to keep making a meaningful difference. I hope this doesn't come across as trite, because it's what I lean on when I feel like nothing I do matters, which has been about half the time lately. If you have people you care about, let them take care of you too; if you feel like you don't have that and are isolated, it may not be much but I am rooting for you. I mean that. Happy to share my discord as well, if you ever wanna connect directly - I also could probably swing some more specific recs for some US states. But keep me updated anyway, my friend. Dreaming bigger is more than half the battle.

[everybodysangel]

I meant to say no, my twenties were fine. Would have been fantastic if I had more confidence in my choices and determination to meet my goals. I consistently chose to fall short of my potential, and I really, really wish someone would have tried to talk me out of that instead of "supporting" me by encouraging mediocrity.

I think people underestimate how much guidance twenty-year-olds still need. Yeah, they're adults and are making adult choices, but they're still learning how to be adults. We don't turn 18, 19, 21, and suddenly know what we're doing. I feel like my family kind of did that to me, and I felt so lost for so many years, and I'm still told to this day that I should just get over that, I needed to learn on my own and just. No. Imagine having a tutorial on life, but you can't access it Just Because. That's what my family did. I can teach you how to do these things, and advise you on why the choice you're making is Definitely a Bad Decision, but you need to figure all of that out on your own. I want you to be more successful than I ever was, though! Don't tell me what to do, but with with me through my choices and point out when I'm maybe being a scared, dumb fuck.

Sorry. I didn't have a bad time 20-29, but it was very frustrating. No, I wasn't going to be a CEO or anything, but if anyone I looked up to, literally any of the adultier adults in my life might have asked a few questions, or pointed out that I was making a less than beneficial choice (such as choosing not to get a driver's license when I was 17 because wow, it's not like I live in the fucking USA), I might actually be financially stable right now and not living out of my sister's car in fucking Georgia.

Okay. Seriously. I'm done. Forreal. I just wanted to sat, if you know any twenty-year-olds, supporting them might actually be double-checking and questioning their decisions instead of accepting everything at face value. Don't force anything and don't interrogate them, but... a little constructive prodding can be helpful sometimes. Remind them not to sell themselves short just because they're afraid. And remind them that just because they can do everything right now doesn't mean that they should.

alright everyone ive got a poll for you

ok to rb 👍 (please share ur thoughts in the tags)

[thedreadvampy]

Anyway therapy was really really good today. this won't make much sense but I'm writing it down for my own reference bc this has really helped me string some stuff together

So it's about layers and layers of self-parenting. how there are stresses in your Baby Self's life that you can't communicate adequately to adults to get Parent Support with, or you can't make yourself understood enough to get the right support, or there isn't enough of your parents' time and energy to go around. your body hurts in ways you can't express clearly. you have struggles with socialising with other children that are hard to understand.

and so by the time you're 4 or 5 you learn there are some things you won't get parental comfort for. so when it's stuff you can't express in ways that the adults in your life will understand, you have to comfort yourself. you become your own parent.

but you have learnt from watching that being a parent requires some degree of separation from the child. a parent status sympathetic but calm and is a stable, grounding presence when you're dealing out, and can look at the problem with outside eyes and help you come up with a solution.

so you have to separate the bit of you that needs parenting - the bit that's experiencing a passion or fear or distress that you can't fully explain or communicate - from the bit of you that does the parenting. that bit can't be freaking out bc it needs to be calm and able to think rationally and hold space.

but! for some reason you've ended up only identifying with the parent bit. so every time you self-parent through something you separate yourself as a consciousness from directly responding to the distress. your emotional and intellectual response lives in the parent-brain. that's the bit you understand as you.

and every time it gets too hard to be the parent, or something comes up from parenting yourself that gets too painful or complicated or distressing, you have to add another layer - a new parent-self to look after the distressed self.

and this has been adding more and more layers of separation from just. directly experiencing an emotion. until you're at a point where any feeling is chinese whispers going through 20 layers of parent-selves until it reaches the top layer where your conscious mind lives.

and the idea of How A Parent Helps (bc you're mirroring what your mum did that made you feel better as a kid) is that

the child cries and you hold them in silence until they're ready to calm down in their own time (or similarly - you acknowledge and make space for the fact they're feeling bad. maybe they're not crying they're ill and you let them have a flop on you or stroke their back while they throw up or whatever)

then you make jokes or similar to break the tension until they're doing a little laugh

then you ask them what's wrong. they will probably cry again and that's ok.

then you say 'ok here's what we're going to do and why. we can do X and I'll help you and then we'll know what step 2 is and we can do that. let's make a plan.'

everything feels much more manageable now. we continue on to doing X.

but. because you're both the child and the parent and you only identify with the parent it's increasingly hard to do step 1 because you're not able to focus on crying. you're busy holding yourself while you cry. so you don't actually get that release bc you're leaving the experience of Having A Good Cry in the subconscious child bit.

and the Being Held While You Have A Good Cry is a vital part of the process. if you don't get that then yes it helps but you're still holding all the emotion.

and this has kicked in at like. early primary. so by 29 that's a Lot of undealtwith Feelings. like at least 25 years worth.

the conscious self. the parent self. still has the capacity for intense feelings that don't get sent over to the Child Place. but it only has the capacity to fully feel and directly handle Parent Appropriate Feelings. and we're mirroring Mum here as we understand her from the perspective of a fairly insightful but still 4 year old child which means. we are not mirroring my mother the entire human person with complex feelings and emotions. we're only mirroring the bits she showed her young children. so we can do love and sympathy and pride. we can do worry or concern. we can do exhaustion and frustration and oh my god I know you're upset but we NEED to go home GET UP. we can't really do anger or resentment (except in quick flashes) because she worked hard to keep that away from where it could affect us. we also can't do sadness bc again that's something she consciously took elsewhere. but we very much can do guilt. and fear that we're not doing enough or that we're making the wrong choices.

(and if those feelings reach critical mass then we have to add a new Parent Layer)

and it's not. in and of itself. a bad thing. it's a big part of why I'm so resilient now, I learnt very early on to do for myself the work of Have A Cry Then Figure Out What I Need To Do Next And Do It. If I'm sick but I'm hungry I say ok I know you're hungry but eat a biscuit and see if you can keep it down and then we can order food. Try eating and resting and if you still feel bad in the morning or it gets worse we'll seek help. If everything seems too much let's write a list of what needs to be done and break it down. what do you think you can do? ok let's start with that one.

it's actually a very good and well put together survival mechanism. it works for all sorts of things for dealing with sexual assault to being tired to having back pain to being Nebulously Sad. bc what we all need sometimes is someone to look after us and I know. that you can't always outsource that to other people. so I've developed a pretty solid mechanism for making sure that I can always reliably look after myself.

but it's definitely had side effects.

all my feelings live in the Child Bit. all my conscious thought lives in the Parent Bit. this means I can either feel my feelings or make sense of them/respond to them, but not both at once. but the Child Bit is still ME I still HAVE all these feelings I just can't. name them or exist in them without trying to Parent them.

because the only bit that I identify with is the Parent Bit, my conscious mind kind of thinks it exists in this image of Parent which is. not a whole person. it's only the bit of a person relating directly to responsibility for other people's wellbeing (including the frustration, the guilt, the resentment etc but not including any independent self). this is probably why I often feel a bit. partial. like there's chunks missing.

the more you go through this process of 'i can't explain it so I have to handle it myself,' the less you are able to explain it and the more likely it is that you'll end up handling it yourself. and so like by the time I was 10 or so I think I had got set into the mode of 'i can't understand or explain any of this big complex mess of feelings I'm having so there's no point trying' and increasingly I stopped. trying to get care anywhere but myself. (and the will was always there. like I parented myself through crisis for months when I was pregnant bc I didn't think anyone else would and the MOMENT I called my mum she took that responsibility off me. in seconds. she made it very clear she was here to get me through it and my job was to be looked after. but like I just Didn't Think To Ask because by that point it had been probably 15 years or so of increasingly expecting to self-parent because I didn't know where to start explaining what was wrong)

a 4 year old should not. probably. be parenting anyone including themself.

[remyxavierr]

Dude, my wife's stepfather, Don, irritates me so bad, and like what a day for him to act like I know nothing about taking care of cats when I've been taking care of cats longer than both of them. "Just so you know, cats can be trained. You just need to find patience in yourself. Be patient with them when you have cats." I KNOW, MY CAT TOKEN IS LITERALLY PERFECT AND I DID THAT BY MYSELF YEARS BEFORE THEY EVER GOT CATS, UGHHHH. I hate HATE being young and being treated like I don't have many years of knowledge and experience of shit just because we're the youngest people in a household of close-minded adults! I'm annoyed! I am so annoyed! I turn 29 this year! TWENTY-NINE AND YET I'M STILL TREATED LIKE A FUCKING CHILD! Psychologists and doctors and therapists are all "to manage bipolar, you need to remove yourself from stressful situations" EVERYTHING AROUND ME IS A STRESSFUL SITUATION. LIFE IS A STRESSFUL SITUATION. ARE YOU TELLING ME TO OFF MYSELF THEN????? BECAUSE WHERE IN THIS WHOLE AGGRAVATING WORLD IS THERE A STRESS-FREE PLACE?! PLEASE TELL ME! My head feels like it's going to explode and I feel like crying and screaming and throwing things and destroying things. I hate Covid. I can't go anywhere to find any peace or anything that brings me comfort. I have to assume that I can find comfort and peace in my home, yet old, deaf people are being loud as fuck above me and less old but still aggravating people are giving me their two fucking cents when I leave my apartment for one minute. I just wanna drive away but I don't have my own car and it's not like you can go anywhere because where ever you go will require 2 weeks of quarantine. I've been sitting at this middle place, this sort of stability between episodes even though my brother is dead and my Pap is dying and my Nana cries on the phone to me everytime we talk and my sister is trying to make me seem like I'm this crazy mentally ill person like in stupid uninformed, ignorant movies when I'm literally stable. I should be on the precipice of fucking snapping. I want to vent but I always vent to my wife and I hate venting to her about her family because it makes me look and feel like an asshole but I have no one else since everyone in my family is either dealing with trauma or is the literal trauma of the family. "Your twenties are the best years of your life." ARE THEY?!? THEN WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE REST OF MY FUCKING LIFE????? My head hurts. Now I've got to go to household chores.

[nowandgenpad]

Texting || Gened

Gen: Are you busy?

Jared: Not right this second. What's up?

Gen: I was wondering if you, me and Chris could sit down and talk face to face about the schedule

Jared: Gen, I am not talking to your new husband about MY kids. He doesn't get a say. What happens with them is between you and me.

Gen: I allowed Lucy to have a say in things.

Gen: I always have done my best to include our children in the lives of their step and half sister and all I'm asking is that you have the same courtesy

Jared: That never once included moving halfway around the world for 4 fucking months a year!

Gen: But if you had I would have worked with you to find a schedule that works for everyone so you could have them wherever you were going. You're being stubborn. They wont be there the full 4 months. That's why I think we need to sit down as adults and deal with everything. Chris is part of our lives now, we should be a team.

Jared: I would never even consider moving them that far away from you. EVER! No, Chris is part of YOUR life, not mine! I will NOT have him included in ANY decision about my kids! Out of respect for you, I never once forced you to include Lucy, and I don't force you to include Katie.

Gen: Lucy was your wife, she became our children's step mother and I expected them to treat her with the same respect as they do me. I would have continued to treat Lucy as part of the team because when the kids were with you guys she was acting as their mother. If you and Katie got married I'd do the same thing. Nobody is trying to replace you or take your kids away from you. All I'm asking is to change the schedule around. Maybe you take them for 2 whole months while I'm in Australia and then they can spend 2 whole months with me there. I'm trying to find a compromise.

Gen: Why do you hate Chris so much?

WED 4:29 PM

Jared: And I never once tried to change our arrangement with the kids just to make Lucy's life easier. You want to take them to Australia for a week or two when they are on break? Fine, I'll agree to that. But I will not agree to you moving them around the world every 3-4 months just because of HIM.

Jared: I don't have to explain myself to you.

Gen: It's not because of Chris. I WANT to experience new places. I want my children to get to know their new family. Chris and I are planning on having kids, I dont want Tom, Shep, or Odette feeling left out because they can't be with all of us.

Gen: I thought you had more respect for me than what you show. I don't know who you are anymore.

Jared: Since when? You refused to come to Vancouver with me because you didn't want to be that far away from Texas, but you're willing to go to LA and Australia just because Chris asks you to? That's bullshit!

Jared: Respect? Like you running off and getting married to someone you've known five minutes shows me respect?

Gen: He didnt ask me to. I wanted to. Well, now being in Texas reminds me of a life I don't have anymore. I put roots in Austin so you could be around your family. I'm from California, I'll always want to be in LA and since I moved to Austin for you I dont see a difference with spending a few months in Australia for him. It's not like I'm moving permanently and giving up Austin.

Gen: Again, from the time you started dating Lucy to when you married her you were only together 4 months. Why are you making such a big deal? You're the one who ended our marriage and got remarried already. I'm finally happy again why cant you be happy for me? It's like you want me sitting here pining for you and taking care of the kids exactly how you want. When did you become so controlling? I'm allowed to move on with my life.

Jared: do whatever the fuck you want Gen. You always do. But for the record, I consulted you every fucking step of the way with Lucy. You're the one who convinced me to make it official, and assured me it wasn't too early to get engaged. So don't fucking get pissed at me now because you didn't open your fucking mouth back then. I'm happy you're happy. What I don't like is trying to take my kids and replace me as their dad. And don't try to tell me you're not doing that. That's exactly what you're fucking doing. I barely get time with them now and here you are, wanting to ensure I get even less time. That's crap and I will NEVER agree to it!

Gen: Exactly, I assured you it wasn't too early so I don't understand why you're getting upset that Chris and I got married when we did. We didn't tell anyone we were getting married. It was a spur of the moment decision to go elope. He didn't even tell his ex wife. The only person who knew was Danneel because it was her idea. I always do what I want? Really? I'm sorry, where do you get that? From the moment we got serious everything I've done was to please you and then when we had the kids I've done what I'm supposed to and put them first. Everything I do is for them. This is the first time since we got together that I'm trying to do something for me and you're making me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm NOT trying to give you less time or take them away from you or replace you and that's exactly the reason why I want to sit down and figure out a better schedule and get you MORE time.

WED 11:46 PM

Jared: Text read

THU 11:26 AM

Gen: I'm giving you an opportunity to work with me as rational adults. We've always been civil and fair with each other and I'm not looking to change that but if you're not willing to sit down with us and figure out a schedule that works for everyone involved I'll have no choice but to have the lawyers do it and make it a court order and I dont want to do that. I want us to be able to do this ourselves.

Jared: I’ll sit down with you. But if he shows up, I’m out of there.

Gen: Please tell me what your problem with him is? I'd really love to understand

Jared: I don’t have to tell you what my problem with him is.

Gen: Yes you do. He's our children's step father.

Jared: I don’t care. He is not their father, I AM!

Gen: I NEVER SAID HE WAS THEIR FATHER! NOBODY IS TRYING TO REPLACE YOU!

Gen: Lucy was a bonus mom, Chris is a bonus dad, I dont know why its okay for you to move on and remarry and move someone else into your house after you get divorced but it's a problem that I remarried.

Jared: YES YOU ARE!

Jared: I never said it was a problem. I said I don’t want him involved in decisions about the kids and I don’t want them being moved around from place to place all fucking year. There is a difference.

Gen: How do you figure?

Gen: He's my husband, he and I have to make decisions for OUR family's best interest while making sure you and Elsa still get your time with the kids too. She doesnt have a problem with her kids coming to live in America sometimes. You're being stubborn

Jared: Shep doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore when I call. He’s too busy with his new daddy.

Jared: MY kids are NOT his family! He does not get a say in how they are raised! Good for Elsa. I’m not her and I am NOT okay with my kids being moved around the world just to please your new husband.

Gen: That's not true at all! Shep loves you! Chris is here less than you are. And you just had the boys to yourself and they both keep talking about how much fun they had with you at the convention.

Gen: Legally they are. Legally he is their step father. Its not to please him it's to please me

Jared: It IS true! Shep didn’t even want to be at the convention. He spent the whole time watching those stupid Thor movies telling everyone that Thor is his new daddy!

Jared: You’re only doing this to make him happy. You finally get laid and suddenly you’re willing to uproot everything just to please him. Who are you?

Gen: Then why does he keep talking about how much fun he had with you?

Gen: I'm happy and in love and trying to move on with my life. If you wanted me to stay put in one place where you could control me you shouldn't have left me

Gen: Shep is still young and before Chris came into the picture he was already starting to go through a superhero phase. He's excited to get to be around "thor" its not even Chris he likes it's the character he plays. You're being jealous and insecure and you have no reason to be. You're his father and that's a bond that will never be broken.

Jared: I’m sure that’s Tom and not Shep who is saying that. Nice try.

Jared: You always said that no matter what, you weren’t going to uproot the kids. You wanted them to have a stable and solid life in one place. It’s why you wouldn’t come to Vancouver with me even when they were babies. But now that they are in school you suddenly want to disrupt their entire lives? That’s crap Gen!

Jared: [read]

Gen: IT'S KILLING ME TO BE IN AUSTIN TO BE IN THIS HOUSE! why can't you understand that? This has NOTHING to do with Chris. I NEED to get out of this environment, I'm not happy.

Jared: Then buy a new fucking house!

Gen: I dont want to be in Austin anymore Jared. This was supposed to be the place you and I made a life and then you tossed me aside. I tried to keep going, for the sake of the kids, but i can't do it anymore.

Jared: You wanted to be in Austin. When we were deciding between LA and Austin, you chose Austin because the kids would have a more normal childhood than the one you had growing up in LA.

Jared: You want to move back to LA? Fine! But your not taking them to fucking Australia!

Gen: I am for 2 months. You can have them the other 2

Jared: No you are not!

Gen: Yes I am.

Jared: Over my dead body are you taking my kids to another country for 2 fucking months!

Gen: my children are NOT going to feel left out because their father has a complex.

Gen: Youd be having them in Vancouver, that's another country. Should I throw a fit and say you can only have them on American soil?

Jared: Go fuck yourself Gen! I will NOT let you take my kids from me!

Jared: I don’t ever have them in Vancouver unless you choose to bring them here. I always go to Austin to be with them.

Jared: If its MY time with them YOU arent losing your kids.

Gen: And now I'm saying you can. I'm trying to make everything easier for everyone. I'm trying to give you MORE time

Jared: Bullshit! You know damn well I won’t take them away from school so you’re trying to screw me out of what little time I do get to spend with them.

Gen: I'd like to homeschool them

Jared: No way! I want them to have a normal childhood with normal kids.

Gen: Tom hates going to school, he's having a hard time making friends this year. I'm tired of seeing him cry every day when he gets home. If they're homeschooled it wont matter where they are because they can do their school work whenever and wherever and do extracurricular activities in the community

Jared: He told me he loves school. You’re not homeschooling them Gen. They will grow up as normal kids going to an actual school. You know homeschooled kids have a higher rate of dropping out of college because they don’t know how to really be in a classroom environment. I won’t put that on them.

Gen: Tom wants to please you. You're his idol. He wants to live with you full time actually.

Jared: Since when does he want to live with me full time?

Gen: since earlier this year...the beginning of the summer maybe

Jared: Since you started seeing muscles for brains?

Gen: I was seeing Chris way before he started talking about it. He feels like he doesnt see you enough and it's hard on him. That's why I'm trying to figure out how to get you more time not take time away. Chris is a very intelligent man, dont do that. You're muscular too.

Gen: I think Tom saw how much time Chris spends with his three kids and it made Tom a little jealous

Jared: Hmmm...so you start seeing douche bag and suddenly Tom wants to come live with me full time so he doesn’t have to be around him? Makes me wonder what happened.

Jared: That’s crap. Tom and so talk every single day.

Gen: You're hearing what you want to hear and it's getting annoying.

Jared: No I’m not. Why else would he suddenly want to live with me full time?

Gen: I just told you. Chris is constantly taking India, Sasha, and Tristan around the world with him. They go on location with him and when it's his time with them wherever he is they are too. Tom wants more physical time with you. He wants to travel with you and be where you are. You're his best friend. He misses you.

Jared: His kids must not be in school then. I wanted to bring the kids when they were younger. You wouldn’t let me.

Gen: India is homeschooled

Jared: Well Tom is going to be a normal child.

Gen: Even if he's the one asking not to go to school anymore?

Jared: You ask any kid if they would rather go to school or stay home every day, they will always ask to stay home.

Gen: Jared, he's miserable. Will you at least talk to him and find out how HE really feels?

Jared: Of course I will. If he’s that miserable then maybe it’s time for a meeting with the damn school.

Gen: Its not the schools fault hes not making friends

Jared: He’s making friends Gen. He was telling me just the other day about his friend Matt in his class.

Gen: He cries to me every day I'm not making that up

Jared: Maybe he’s just trying to get some of YOUR attention

Gen: He has a lot of my attention

Jared: Does he? Or are you too busy with your new husband to notice what’s really going on with him?

Gen: Chris is hardly here Jared. His been filming in India since a few days after we got married. I'm alone most of the time.

Jared: And I bet you’re constantly on your phone or the computer trying to talk to him. Am I right?

Gen: No. I'm working when hes at school and taking care of Odette and shep when he gets home from preschool and then I'm doing activities with the kids until we all cook dinner. Most of the time I dont even talk to Chris until the kids are sleeping

Jared: If you say so

Gen: I have a theory that you're so pissed off and bitter that things with Lucy didnt work out that you're trying to make everyone else as miserable as you are

Jared: You’re insane

Gen: No I'm not and thats mean to say.

Jared: If you think for one minute that I’m trying to make you miserable, then you’re insane. You know me better than that.

Gen: That's how it's coming off to me. I did everything I could to support you and Lucy and it hurts you cant do the same for me and Chris. It's not like I'm the one who married someone with a drug problem

Jared: Screw you Gen!

Gen: Could you please act like a grown up instead of telling me to go fuck myself or screw myself? That's not very productive.

Jared: Fine. I’ll just ignore you then. You’re pissing me off and I no longer wish to have this conversation with you.

Gen: What are we doing about Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Jared: What we always do

Gen: Things are different this year. Chris and his kids will be here for Thanksgiving and then we're planning on doing Christmas in Australia. I asked you the other day if you wanted them for Thanksgiving so I could take them for Christmas

Jared:You’re not taking my kids away from me for Christmas. We always each take them for half a day on those holidays. I’m not changing that. Not this year.

Gen: you're so fucking stubborn

Jared: You used to love that about me

Gen: I used to love a lot of things about you but then you broke my heart and I got over you.

Jared: Good for you

Gen: all you're doing is preventing them from being able to get to know their new family

Jared: And all you’re doing is trying to keep them away from the family they know and love.

Gen: no I'm not

Jared: Yes you are

Gen: No I'm not. I'm sure Lucy's family wanted to spend time with the kids when you two were together, how is this any different?

Jared: Lucy’s mom would come to us.

Gen: and you never took them to Tennessee?

Jared: No. I never took the boys to Tennessee

Gen: well you could have. I don't care about stuff like that. The more people who want to love my children the better.

Jared: Taking them would have been taking them away from you and I won’t do that

Gen: Not if you did it during your time. That's the problem that I'm having. If it's your time with them you can do whatever you want with them, take them wherever you want, I'm allowed the same when they're with me. If it's not interfering with each others times i dont see what the problem is

Jared: I only have them for a fucking weekend here or there. You have them all the time and I’m not okay with you just doing whatever the hell you want with them. They’re my god damn kids too!

Gen: IM TRYING TO GIVE YOU MORE TIME WITH THEM thats why this whole conversation has been about. I WANT you to have them more than a weekend here or there thats why I'm trying to change things around but you're being stubborn.

Jared: No you’re not! You’re trying to take them away and move to Australia!

Gen: Omg I'm trying to give you MONTHS at a time with them

Jared: Two months on Ten months off will not work for me! That’s not giving me more time!

Gen: I'm trying to do 6 and 6

Gen: Just not consecutive

Jared: Sure you are

Gen: I am. We have 50/50 custody Jared I'm trying to live where I want to during my 50%

Jared: I won’t agree to you moving them around all the time. Like I said, if you want to be in LA that’s fine. But I want them in 1 spot for the school year. I won’t have you disrupting their lives to follow meat head around.

THU 7:17 PM

Jared: Then allow me to take them to Australia during the summer, even for one month. I'm trying to find a compromise here Jared. Please. Stop insulting my husband. You're acting like a child.

Jared: Summer is the only time I get to see them every day, even if it's just for a few hours. Why would I let you take that away from me?

Gen: You're so fucking ridiculous. I'm contacting my lawyer in the morning. We'll have the court figure it out

Jared: Fine.