#to her‚ their relationship cannot be defined as simply as boyfriend and girlfriend

[throughpatchesofviolet]

I've been thinking about Heathlock a lot, lately, but I have no way of putting those thoughts into words, at the moment.

[inkskinned]

it isn't really complicated, but i still can't tell my grandma about it. my girlfriend is also my boyfriend and i'm her girlboyfriend and there are a lot of days this feels like smoothing sheets over a good mattress. it feels like getting a cup of good hot chocolate. we paint our nails lesbian flag pink, and i watch her eyelashes make shadows on her cheeks. she wants to kiss me because i am really good at baking, and i want to kiss her because when i am freaked out about how i spilled coffee, she just hands me extra napkins and helps me clean. he is so handsome i want to eat my fist. they once just winked at me and i couldn't talk for like the next fifteen minutes.

i haven't seen the L word and i was raised catholic. my earliest experiences with queer relationships were through harrowing conversations and hushed questions and blood on the ground. i didn't like boys soon enough. what, are you gay? asked to a 6th grader, almost like a demand.

when she is asleep next to me and i can feel the dreams run up and down her body, i pretend we are both somewhere in the stars. i like to picture a future full of fruit trees, and writing him poetry. sometimes she wakes up, has a whole conversation with me, goes back to sleep, and utterly forgets that we ever even spoke. she is always kind to me, even in that liminal half-there ghost. i like the croaked, raw way her voice sounds in the very-early morning, the way she always seems surprised i'm still here, and home.

on the internet, there are a lot of people who would be annoyed by both of us, and how labels must be pruned into orchids. a box has to hold and define the insides. people must be organized.

we went on a date last night, and the host said, oh, table for 2 nice ladies? neither of us are ladies, but also we are very much 2 nice ladies. i have been wearing her sweater nonstop. he has frequently been forced into wearing my taylor swift official merch quarter-zip because i was worried about him catching a chill, and you simply cannot be cool in an official taylor swift quarter-zip. do not worry: they listen to better music than i do, and their voice sounds like leaves falling.

i wear the skirts and makeup and i am better with spackle and know how to drive stick. recently someone commented on my work - you're just a man trying to reappropriate lesbian spaces. sometimes i feel like she is a clementine to me, and sometimes i feel like he is a german shepherd and sometimes i feel they are a bird. i like watching his hands over a guitar. can i write this poem, even? how can you be a lesbian if you're sometimes with a man? or you are the man?

how can i, huh. you know, our first date lasted 3 days. we'd been flirting for over a year before i finally asked her out. i'd already written her into poetry. she'd already written me into songs.

last night, in the late night, when they woke up again, confused about where they were, they said - oh, thank god. this is your arm. there's just something so precious to me about the specifics, the denotation that the arm was (thank god!) mine. i really liked that definition. i liked the obvious relief because i understand it.

i say yeah, i have a partner. i mean - oh. thank god. it's your arm.

[webtoonpolls]

Sia & Jiho (unTouchable)

He doesn't like you. He's also a germaphobe. Stop harassing that guy. (Never really read far enough to know if their relationship got better, but it seems like a rocky start.)

The Girlfriends (Boyfriends)

They are one of the worst ships not because they are toxic - they're not! They have a perfectly healthy relationship, from what I remember of that comic. The problem is their place in the narrative. They are a perfect case study in the "competent lesbian with no personality except some surface level traits and supporting the gay male main character". They are defined exclusively as counterparts to the male couple, except they Have Their Shit Together you guys! Not like these silly boys with their problems. They've just got it all together! Aren't they so couple goals? Ignore the fact they lack a personality! Also, the Jock one plays NCAA Basketball on a schedule that simply cannot exist in real life. Not even the most basic of research was done for that - because it doesn't actually matter that she went to an NCAA Basketball tournament, it doesn't actually matter when it was held, it doesn't actually matter how this would impact her. All that matters is that this is stated to happen so her girlfriends can be SO PROUD of her and support her and show us all that they're perfect and couple goals!

[partytilfajr]

Salaam! My question is that since I'm in my mid-twenties and I'm starting my marriage search soon (I'm a woman) I want to know if i can ask the person I'm getting to know about their previous relationships? If they're a virgin? All of that stuff basically. I read that if they've repented for their sins they don't have to answer these questions or they can just lie and say no since they've repented, but as a potential/future spouse isn't it my right to know?

Wa alykum as-salaam!

So, Dar Al-Ifta Al-Missriyyah has written about this question, extensively, though it must said that the question they are answering is about a man asking about a woman about her status. You can read that answer here.

They write something that is important to note, as I want to underline that many times we fuse the rationale of larger society with the opinion of our Muslim leaders. In the opinion, they write this to conclude:

As for the claim of some men that they have to know if their future wife has fell into a sin or not is a corrupted opinion as it promotes declaring sins, revealing what God concealed, pursuing people’s pitfalls, and thinking ill of people which are all prohibited in Islamic law. As a matter of fact, there is no relationship between the loss of virginity and between adultery as this relationship only existed due to some cultures which do not see any problem when the man commits adultery whereas when the woman commits the same crime she is stained with shame and disgrace.

I just wanted to highlight that this double-standard that exists for women underlines to problems of our societies, and that Islam does not seek to enforce or encourage the hypocrisies that pervade society.

So, in short, yes, you should not be asking people about their status. The only time that people should be disclosing those sorts of things is if it impacts you. So, if someone has an STI, that will impact their partner, and so it should be disclosed.

I am quite aware that the standards for men and women are different, to put it kindly.

Boys expect their future wives to be virgins, while girls hope that their future husbands don’t have something. This is the double standard within our communities (Muslim or not) and it’s exhausting and annoying. I get it.

So Dar Al-Ifta, again, gives you the legal rationale, and again, they are writing about protecting the reputation and the value of a woman, since cultures have used sexism and misogyny to control women’s bodies and to stigmatize women for mistakes that they turn around and applaud men for.

My sense is that we have used this ruling as a way to protect sisters, but that we do not expect to use these same rulings for our brothers. I get why we do that, it’s an Islamic ruling that retorts and slaps away the sexist-fueled obsession with women’s bodies and the double-standards imposed upon women.

If I’m honest, I think most men tend to disclose these sorts of things, and many of them are not aware of this ruling--not anywhere close to the awareness of our sisters. I understand why sisters expect virginity, they’re like “hey, I waited, so should you.” I’d like to underline that there are more brothers that have waited, I’m not going to lie to you, I did not think it would be that high. Which is kinda sad, but I think you get what I’m trying to say.

Now, again, I think most people tend to disclose their pasts, both men and women, and I think they do this out of trust and love for the person they are talking to. I would counsel Muslims to not only take this sort of disclosure as a trust that they should keep to themselves and understand that whatever happens between you two, that you keep that information to yourself. I also think that both men and women tend to write people off for making mistakes.

First of all, we all make mistakes. The issue here is that we only have sympathy for people who sin the way we do. To be a “good Muslim” among Muslims, you don’t drink, don’t smoke, and don’t have a (public) girlfriend/boyfriend, and you’re a good Muslim. Our concern is centralized on discovery, so as long as people don’t know we do these things, we are fine.

We all make mistakes, the thing is, we are not defined by our mistakes, but what we do once we make them. Do we seek to rectify them? Or do we allow them to fester, do we seek help, do we try to fix what we’ve done?

The problem is that we fixate on sins that deal with our concerns vis-a-vis our place in society. The Prophet is reported to have said:

O those who embraced Islam with your tongue and its flow did not reach your heart yet. Don’t inflict harm on Muslims, don’t belittle them and don’t pursue and dig for their pitfalls as whoever digs for the pitfalls of others, God will dig for his own pitfalls and declare it before people… [Tirmidhi]

Now, I know you feel it is your right to ask this question. The ruling I’ve linked above. Just to speak plainly, I tend to believe people disclose this fact, regardless of the ruling--that’s just my sense in dealing with this concern quite often. I’d underline that you treat a brother as a human being here. Our world is filled with prejudices, sexism, misogyny, and all sorts of inequities too innumerable to list here. Of that, there is no doubt. When you are sitting across from another person, they are a human being--and yes different people benefit from these inequities and have various privileges--but I suggest that you treat the person across from you as that: a person.

We cannot abstract human beings. Our boys benefit from double standards--in that they are able to get away with things socially--but those double standards condemn them to facing the reality of their sins. Brothers cry to me about their mistake, it’s not just sisters, and yes, the brothers (if discovered) will face far less than if a sister was discovered, I am not questioning that, nor am I even debating it, I’m saying, just treat the person across from you as a human being.

People are going to ask and people are going to answer, but I ask you to show compassion for someone who is offering you a window of their vulnerability. We often look at potential spouses as products, with check-lists, like we are comparison shopping for a car. They are human beings. I’ve seen the dumb stuff boys write on Twitter, with their dumb jokes, talking about trust issues over a girl wearing makeup or whatever, and yes, they are cringe. I will try and petition Al-Azhar to make corny bro jokes haram, or at least makruh.

You are going to ask regardless of what I write here, and people are going to answer regardless of what they read, because they want to be honest, and it breaks my heart. People just want to be loved. That’s why they are reaching out. It’s why they laugh at dumb jokes. It’s why you stalk people on social media, because you want to reach out to someone else, to have someone love you and accept you, for, well you.

So I get why people respond and answer these questions, I know why people ask them, and I think the Islamic answer is there, and while the central framing of the Islamic answer is to protect women, their honor, and their place in societies that do not treat them with the respect and understanding that they should get for simply being a human, and that disconnect is violently enforced through sexism and misogyny--and Islam seeks to protect women from that human-made reality that contravenes the dictates of Islam. It is a failure of the test by God, on our collective society, that we create these inequities--for God demands justice, and our social norms are reflections of whether we truly believe in God or not, and when women face these barriers and prejudices, it means that our society has failed that test.

After writing this much, I asked myself: ‘why are you writing this much, Osama?’ I think because I have seen such a lack of compassion in our community, and I feel like we have taken religion and twisted it, but we are only aware of our rights and not our obligations, and that creates a very twisted way in dealing with religion and God--and then I thought about how consumerism fuels that self-centered understanding of God, so that religion really only has value as it pertains to our personal desires, rather than in improving our actions, softening our hearts, and in introspection so that we may work to improve society, starting with ourselves.

Anyway. My point is this: regardless of the rulings, you’re probably going to ask, they’re probably going to answer. If you can’t forgive someone because they made a mistake, then ask yourself why.

[thegayagenda-forkids]

Why Cami is important, and why we need more of her types of characters.

While everyone is watching the Cartero/Tennis Boyfriends storyline, as well as Elena’s story and Gabi’s story, I want to talk about the only openly gay character at the moment (Episode 7/8), Camilla, but to really get to talk about her, I have to dive a little bit into the history of gay characters in comedies.*

**I’m only including gay characters in comedies because otherwise my list would be too long to be able to dive into, and this post is going to be mostly about Cami.

So, the first openly gay character to appear on American TV is Steve, played by Phillip Carey in 1971 on “All in the Family.” He appeared for only one episode, but he opened the door back when being gay was taboo, and wrong, and he wasn’t killed onscreen or beaten up. In fact, he was played straight, in a way. Throughout the episode, the main character is speculating about several other men being gay, while Steve was described by that character to be “a real man’s man.” It’s at the end of the episode where Steve comes out to him, dismisses the rumors about the other men the main character suspected, and then he was never seen on TV again. And his appearance is so important because it challenged stereotypes of what gay men on TV were, and where it was appropriate to see these topics. He opened the door for more gay characters to show up.

However, it was a bit of a double-edged sword because for the next several years, the gay characters we saw were “very special episode” characters, approached the same way these characters would approach cancer, or drugs, or addiction. They were a sensitive topic people need to know about, the episode will be less funny to show the full gravity of the situation. But, gay people were seen on TV.

Slowly, people start accepting that gay people exist, and while they might not wish direct harm on them, the general attitude was still very anti-LGBT rights. So gay characters shifted on tv and they were no longer sensitive topics to approach, but a minor/recurring character who was overwhelmingly male, flamboyant, stereotyped to hell, and typically, the “Gay Best Friend.”

The true turning point, in my opinion, was Ellen DeGeneres on “Ellen.” She was the main character of her show, personally in the process of finding herself and coming out, and then deciding to have the character she played come out in a serious, but relatively humorous way. There was backlash, her show didn’t last much longer after that, and overall, she took a huge risk. But she started the first step of the process: character first, sexuality second. She wasn’t defined for being gay like every other person, with potentially the exception of Steve, was up to this point.

But Steve and Ellen served different purposes. Steve de-stigmatized the idea of gay people appearing on TV by only revealing he was gay at the end. He only appeared for one episode, let everyone see how throughout the episode, he was the opposite of gay men they built up in their mind, and then only let the hammer drop right before vanishing forever. Ellen went through four years of people getting to know her, she was the principal main character, and then she came out after. Steve allowed gay people to be shown more on TV, Ellen allowed us to get to know them.

Then around that time, let me just say this: “Friends” was pretty problematic with several issues like the character of Ross and how Chandler’s birth parent transitioning, but there was one thing that was pretty well handled and relatively holds up, and that’s Carol and Susan. Now, by no means was their portrayal and representation perfect, and Ross frequently made jokes revolving around the fact that his ex-wife was a lesbian, but they were never jokes about Carol being wrong or weird, but rather self-deprecating ones, and then the show went on to show them raising and co-parenting a young boy with Ross and they even had the first lesbian wedding on TV, and, at least in my memory, they were never sexualized, meaning that they weren’t created to be objects of mens’ desires, they were simply in love and trying to lead fulfilling lives with each other.

And now we go from the sidelines all the way front and center with the original airing (not the reboot) of “Will and Grace.” The main character was an openly gay man living with a straight woman, who had a gay and an ambiguous, but potentially, bisexual best friends (Jack and Karen). And boy, was this show the first of it’s kind. Will wasn’t portrayed as flamboyant and taking on a stereotypical job, but rather the respected position as a lawyer, owning a nice apartment, and him being gay was only used as a fact while he dated men throughout the show. People at the time earnestly believed Will and Grace would get together in the end by how un-stereotypical and “not gay” Will acted.

But acting as his foil was Jack, perhaps the most flamboyant character to ever grace TV screens. He was loud, overly dramatic, cared too much about his appearance, and his goal was to be an actor. And he wasn’t automatically Will’s boyfriend because he was also gay. He was Will’s closest friend, a confidant, and though he could be an asshole, Jack was true to himself, even if his true self was every gay stereotype shoved into one body while Will got to break those stereotypes by being a well developed and well rounded character.

From there, Gay characters are a mixed bag. Normally in tv shows marketed for people 16 and up, not for children, and typically as side characters. We get our Kurt Hummels, our Mitch and Cams, our Oscar Martinezes, and all these others. They’re occasionally the main character in a cast, most of the time the side characters, and they’re varied. They’re also more visible, and they’re popping up more and more. Now, I’m not even going to get into Brooklyn Nine-Nine in terms of Queer representation because I could go on for days about how they’ve got it, and go into the similar media and target audience.

I’m, of course, talking about “Good Luck Charlie.”

Now I know, I KNOW! It was one episode where there were two moms that showed up for a play date. But it was one of the first kids’ shows to show a gay couple, and by kids, I mean that it’s marketed for people under 16 as well. And it was also pretty well addressed. The parents are wondering how to separate the couple in order to hang out while their toddlers played at the same time as arguing over who was the child’s mother since they each only met one. And when they open the door to Cheryl and Susan, they greet them normally and the only acknowledgment that comes is the father hitting his head like he had forgotten a word and saying “Taylor has two moms,” simply settling the argument about who was Taylor’s mom. And the rest of the episode was just about the parents trying to make friends but being annoying people until Susan and Cheryl fake headaches to leave. The episode treated them not as a “Gay Couple,” but rather a couple who happened to be gay. Not even Modern Family 10 years after the pilot can act like that.

And I KNOW you guys are waiting for it: Cyrus Goodman and Thelonious Jagger Kippen. I bet if I were to take a poll right now of who’s Disney’s first openly gay character, at least 90% of people would say it’s Cyrus Goodman. He was developed as his own person first; this adorable, quirky boy who loved his two best friends more than anything and would get over-enthusiastic for anything they did or he decided to pursue, and he went through panic, then he came out to Buffy. It’s also impressive that for Disney’s first gay main character, they didn’t have him already self-assured that he’s gay, but rather figuring it out and terrified when he came out to Buffy. He was afraid of what she’d think of him, what she’d say, and how their friendship would continue, which I touch more on *here.* At the same time, T.J. is also developed from a bully and antagonist to one of Cyrus’s newest, closest friends. He faces homophobic microaggresions while developing feelings towards Cyrus until he finally finds the courage to confess and start something new at the last episode. The fact that T.J. didn’t come out as gay until the last episode does not diminish his worth as a gay character. He was groundbreaking too because he is the first gay love interest in a Disney Show (and I mean mutual, because otherwise, that title would go to Jonah Beck and I’m not sure he can be counted as canon anything).

And now everyone is focusing on Bobby and Liam on “Diary of a Future President,” which is what the writers are shooting for, but we cannot forget about Cami! She is a form of casual representation that we need more of in writing. There was no marketing for her by Disney as a gay character, and she portrays a realistic representation. She mentions her girlfriend, makes small comments like “you two are hetero goals,” and lets us glimpse into her life. And she doesn’t take over a room like Jack does, she’s there for Cami, and has a good relationship with her kids, as proven by Gabi trusting her to pick up Bobby and Liam from Jupiter. And then the significance of Cami freeing Bobby and Liam from a storage closet is something I touched on earlier *here*.

So why is Cami important? Because she is the casual representation we want and deserve! She’s not a big deal on the show, but she also not diminished. She doesn’t need to make headlines to be important. She’s real, and believable, and I’m hoping there’s more of her as well as characters like her. Casual representation is important too, and it’s important because she’s not the only queer character on the show, and the other queer person isn’t her love interest.

Hopefully I got my message across that Cami is the next step of queer characters in shows.

[mufasaspells]

Love Spell With Candles

Love is a word that is defined depending on both experience and inexperience. I have changed it as a feeling of deep affection, as an interest or pleasure in something, and as a sentiment that creates warmth in a person. From this, love involves the aspect of interest coupled with affection.

Love has been and is still rather a complicated word to breakdown, mainly because people attach different meanings to it depending on how they have experienced it or how they have failed to put a finger on it. However, what is love without a lover? The answer is, that is love without a love spell. Love spells contribute so much to the maintenance of a stable relationship, and only a few know that. Our love spells with candles have helped over a thousand people live the happiest relationships. This is because they help you realize the strength of having the most positive intentions.

Are you looking for love spells with candles? Do you want to get your ex-lover, wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend back? It’s obvious you want them back as soon as possible. I know how it feels like when you lose someone that once meant the world to you. But you don’t need to worry now that you’re reading this article. I will help you get your ex-lover, wife, husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend back to you before the end of today.

One may say that loving and being loved is the best thing that could ever happen to a person, while another may have an exactly opposite attitude, looking at love as a burden and a strengthener of chains that complicate life. In this article, love magic (love spells with candles that work) is the use of magic to conjure sexual passion or romantic love. This is a branch of traditional magical practice and a long-time trope in literature. It’s an art that is done in ways including written spells, dolls, charms, amulets, potions, or rituals.

Virtues Of Love Spells With Candles

Virtue is moral excellence. A virtue is a trait or quality that is deemed to be morally good and thus is a foundation of principle and good moral being. Personal virtues are characteristics valued as promoting collective and individual greatness.

Love involves caring, when one loves another, the aspect of care is important. This can be as simple as being there for them through tough times, appreciating them, complementing them, and encouraging them in situations where they feel they cannot carry on. Love is patient when one is in love. The virtue of patience is important, one should be slow to react, first understand a situation before giving an opinion and also allow the other to air out their views.

I also base love on selflessness. When one is in love, they should be able to help the other? Help to share with the partner, and to be more concerned with the needs of the other rather than being self-centered. Love suffers long, this simply means that love will endure for a long time, through difficulties, tests, and trials. It means that love endures amid temptations and misunderstandings. Where people say they are in love and simple misunderstandings break them.

What Does It Really Mean To Use Love Spells With Candles

his type of love is Eros. It’s a Greek word meaning romantic love and desire. Eros was also the Greek god of love, passion, and fertility. This is where the term erotic comes from. This sort of love entails admiring one’s physical body and also physical touches like hugs, kisses, and sex. This type of love stems from the first one seeing another and admiring a feature on them, be it physical or a trait. It then continues to constant communication to get to know the other person as regards their likes, dislikes, hobbies, and likes. It later on advances to constant meetings and further interactions to get to know each other on a personal level. In the scientific aspect, one’s hormones awaken a fire in the body that is to be satisfied with romantic actions from the admired partner.

This forms the birth of love languages in a romantic relationship and these include physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and words of affirmation. From these meetings and communication, one gets to learn the other’s love language and does exactly that to develop a bond. So with all this being the meaning of love, are you in love? You might say you are, but you’re not until your relationship is bonded spiritually with love spells. In most cases, after you cast a love spell, your relationship with your partner shifts towards becoming perfect. And once you take it to another level by performing spells such as an obsession spell, we can never break your love.

How To Make Love Last Forever Using Love Spells With Candles?

This is a subjective test. What may make love last in one relationship may end in another relationship. An example is if your partner calls you in the morning, be the one to call him or her in the afternoon. Don’t wait for your partner to call you throughout the relationship. It is a two-sided venture. The other is communication. When you are going to be late, communicate. When you are unhappy in the relationship and need something more to spice it up, communicate.

However, with my 34 years of expertise, I realize many people don’t know how to communicate. Therefore, you must cast a love spell with candles as soon as possible. I say so because it installs a situation of communication on to the person being spelled and brings back lost love in return. It makes the person want to communicate with you every single time they get the chance to.

Why You Must Cast A Love Spell With Candles?

Through communication, one’s partner can know the other’s perspective of the relationship and adjust accordingly rather than dying in silence and letting the love fade. The other way is letting go of the little things that bug you. This entails compromising, where one has to accept some standards that are lower than what I desire. However, just to ask. What is a relationship without good communication? A relationship without good communication is as good as nothing.

Where one keeps holding onto such trivialities, they build up and become a problem as the relationship grows. Another thing is compliments. Romeo complimented Juliet “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and Juliet is the sun.” A compliment once in a while ignites the passion in the relationship. Lastly, understanding one’s love language and acting in that regard keeps the desire burning.

Why Does Love Fade Away In Most Relationships?

The major reason is a drastic change in the behavior and attitude of one’s partner. Where you have been in a relationship with a person for some time and new behaviors showcase. It leaves one wondering if they really know their partner as they thought they did. This is because they end up feeling like they are in love with a new person. Wait a minute, not everyone changes their behavior and attitude because they want. It has come to my notice that I have spelled some people upon and you don’t know. That’s why it’s so advisable to carry out a love spell with candles as soon as you can.

Second, violence and torture drive one away from the element of love in a relationship. Violence involves assault, battery, grievous bodily harm among others. Torture has distinctive forms. It can be physical or mental (psychological). Torture can involve locking your partner out of their room. Denying them food and other basic needs, constantly reminding them, or making fun of their insecurities among others.

The Reality About Why Love Fades At Times

This makes them feel unsafe and surely doubt their affection and their partner’s in the relationship. And the question here goes like, why would someone that loves me do bad to me? Here we go, we fall in love with people every day. This leaves many people that love that very person you love single. Like it has happened before, many people have contacted me with a request to end an ongoing relationship using my powerful break-up spells. Some of them make demands on how the break-up should be, which leaves many lovers becoming violent, disrespectful, and abusive.

Constantly dwelling in the past is another issue, where one keeps bringing up their past relationships. It shows that they have failed to move on. Or they are comparing their past relationships to the current ones negatively. The best way would be to talk about the past. And then move from it in order to enjoy the fruits of the current relationship.

How To Make Your Relationship More Loving And Stable

Communicate – Talk to one another about what is bugging and annoying the other and find a way forward. Listening is very important, don’t listen just to reply but first understand what is being said. Where the reply will hurt the other and deter them from love. Then silence would be the best answer in that circumstance.

Use our love spells with candles to help in situations where misunderstandings go overboard. This is the right time to take the right action. Simply contact Dr. Mufasa and let him know of your situation. He will advise you and I will cast a couple of spells. Discuss what we can overlook and what is a major issue so that the relationship and thrive on such understanding.

[tillidontneedfantasy]

‘Thank U, Next’ - Ariana Grande REVIEW: I think we’re ALL so fucking grateful for her ex

Only 6 months following the release of her fourth studio album, Sweetener (2018), Ariana Grande released her fifth, Thank U, Next (2019). According to Grande, the entire album was written in the span of two weeks with a group of her close friends and collaborators. Inspiration comes at you fast, and boy, did the latter part of Ariana’s 2019 call for some more art. And sometimes the only way to process tragedy is to create something beautiful from it.

Thank U, Next sometimes feels like an invasion of privacy, most specifically on “ghostin’,” a track about grieving the tragic loss of her ex-boyfriend and talented rap star, Mac Miller, while still trying to show love to her then-fiancé, SNL’s Pete Davidson. As beautiful and heartbreaking as the song is, it wasn’t even supposed to make the album, and any listener can understand why, but Scooter Braun insisted. Another intimate track about Miller that Grande did want to share, “imagine,” is a breathtaking daydream of the kind of life they could have shared together. Though much of the album is somber sentiments hidden behind playful melodies, exploring the difficult few years Grande has had to undergo in the limelight at the height of her fame, Thank U, Next is, at the end of the day, a celebration. “7 rings,” (which samples The Sound Of Music’s “My Favorite Things”), “NASA,” and the titular track, “thank u, next” explore Grande’s success, her star-power, and the important lesson she’s learned that she doesn’t need anyone but herself; she’s “so good with that,” as are we.

BEST TRACK(S): “thank u, next,” “in my head”

Pop artists and label executives will study the release of “thank u, next,” for many, many years to come. Discussing all of her most significant and high profile relationships in one verse, throwing shade at her own father in the bridge, the early 2000’s iconic empowered female romcom throwbacks in the music video, and just the title itself, “thank u, next,” all encapsulate a significant pop cultural moment. With this track, Ariana spins tragedy on its head and challenges us all to be positive about what’s to come, to find success in failures (”God forbid something happens / ‘least this song is a smash!”), and to be grateful for our past and the lessons it has taught us.

She isn’t as grateful on “in my head,” a track that reviews her blind spots in a failed relationship. The song begins with a voicemail from her friend, who lovingly but sternly tells her, “You’re in love with a version of a person that you’ve created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix…the only thing that you can fix is yourself.” The music is a bit distorted, just like her perception of this person. She claims that her imagination is “too creative,” seeing only the best of him, and that “they” (presumably her friends, just like the one leaving the voicemail) only see the bad, using the biblical tale of Cain and Abel to contrast their perception of this person. Just as her friend reprimands her, she is trying to help someone grow who isn’t willing to do the work themself. “I saw your potential without seeing credentials / maybe that’s the issue,” she contemplates in the outro. We all have had that experience of giving someone too much benefit of the doubt because we love them so blindly, believing we could be the ones to change something within someone somehow without them putting any of their own efforts forward; “in my head” is a good reminder that we usually can’t, nor should we try.

WEAKEST TRACK: “break up with your girlfriend, I’m bored”

Considering the mature content and storyline of this album, “break up with your girlfriend, I’m bored” feels like five steps backward. To make this track the closer instead of “thank u, next,” feels like a complete misfire. Despite its commercial success, this song offers the least out of everything else on the record; the most exciting part is the sample from *NSYNC’s “It Makes Me Ill,” which more than anything makes me feel the overwhelming urge to go listen to No Strings Attached (2000).

THE IN-BETWEENS

The fact that Sweetener was released only half a year prior to Thank U, Next, is present throughout the album, and although Grande went through events that made her evolve personally, she did not have quite as much time to catch up sonically. Songs such as “bad idea” and “make up” are very fun, but do not push her sound forward in any way. However, on most other tracks, that evolution is present in the lyrical content. One topic covered in "needy" and “fake smile” is Ariana’s difficulty balancing her fame and her mental well-being. “Fuck a fake smile" she declares. While this is especially true for Ariana, considering there are cameras constantly flashing her way and so much expected of her, this applies to all listeners as well: it’s okay to not be okay sometimes, and you don’t have to mask your pain for anyone, nor should you. As the process of creating art shows, being honest about your struggles makes the fight against them all the easier.

BEST PROSPECTIVE SINGLE: “NASA”

Immediately following her admission to being needy, she turns the tables around and asks for some space, reminding the subject of the song that she's a star, hence the clever title. "NASA" is an extremely enjoyable track and has all the makings of a successful single: impossible not to dance (or at least bob your head), easy to sing along, not too serious yet still empowering. The main takeaway is that Grande is not going to let anyone drag her under with them, and neither should you.

***

All of that being said, I would like to take a moment to destroy the notion that only despair and pain can inspire art. This simply is not true. The reality is that sadness is easier to access and explore than happiness; we have more words for it, more concrete situations that define it, more stakes in it. I wish Ariana Grande never had to go through any of the things she has in the past few years. But there are two ways that we can handle adversity: let it defeat us, or defeat it. Grande chose the latter with Thank U, Next. Not only is this a great example to set for her fans of all ages, but it is a great precedent for herself, too; the best use of your past is utilizing it as a means to move forward, and so, she marches on. But hopefully there’s some joy-inspired music on the horizon. We’re so fucking grateful for your ex(es) too, Ariana, but we’re ready for what’s next. Grade: 4/5

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I have watched Ariana Grande go from performing on Broadway in the musical 13 to becoming a breakout star on Nickelodeon’s Victorious to becoming one of this generation’s biggest pop stars. I find Ariana’s voice to be phenomenal and for her music to be quite enjoyable. “Into You” is an all-time pop jam. I wasn’t a huge fan of Sweetener, so receiving Thank U, Next so quickly thereafter was a nice pallet cleanser for me. I feel like I spent the entire past year worried about Ariana, as there are many videos of her online crying throughout her shows, barely able to even sing. What I hope more than anything for Ariana is to be able to find the right balance for her to do her job and preserve her mental health so that she can continue to create more pop cultural moments for us all to look back on for years to come.

[ssaalexblake]

I am, as they say, That person who has a huge ass pile of books to read that i’ve had, in some cases, for years, but i saw the new Suzanne Collins book was out and got an e-copy and read it immediately, you know, as you do when you have a huge pile of books to get through. 

anyway, spoilers, definitely ---

I’ve never actually read a Book where the whole story was from the perspective of a terrible protagonist, i have read books where there have been spare chapters from the perspective of villains, but never has the villain been the Protagonist before in my experience. And this protagonist was showing danger signs of a seriously pathological narcissistic personality from the opening world building chapters, and it only got worse and worse as the stakes in his life got higher and higher. 

And here’s the thing, i Know people were immediate and vapid in attacking Collins for this when the plot summary were released, and i will admit, my eyes rolled so very much at the immediate assumption that this was a story to make you sympathise wigh him, because, simply, i’ve read the trilogy. Collins’ doesn’t even make her Hero characters that sympathetic a lot of the time, with the exception of Prim and Rue, whose literary function demanded them to be symbols of purity and innocence, practically everybody else is in a shade of grey. The victors we love all have blood on their hands, even Peeta, who is also a symbol for non violent ideals, is corrupted by the narrative. This is not a series that is particularly nice to it’s cast of characters, even when we are meant to Like them. 

But now after some brief fandom browsing i am now just going ‘wtf’ at the idea that people are Still holding onto the idea After having read it that, just because a story is about a bad guy, the author Must somehow be endorsing their actions. I’ve literally never read a story with a more unsympathetic protagonist. What a Disgusting person. 

This story revealed that the villain is a pathological and possessive narcissist who is very much the hero of his own story, but sure as hell nobody else’s. 

I also noted that people have been commenting that the book is too Coincidental in its references and that it made it a bad story, that they were just for clout. That Snow is in 12. The lake. The bakery and so on and so on, and that it put people off and seemed just a grab to keep people interested, but the thing is, it’s a Ballad.  This isn’t ‘the novel of songbirds and snakes’, it’s ‘the Ballad’. It plays out, contextually, with the deliberate knowledge that all the readers have read how this story ends in the trilogy, as one of the covey’s songs. 

I’m not sure how to phrase it, but i feel like viewing the story and plot itself as more of a folk song or limerick is the best way to look at it from, it’s not Meant to be a novel. It’s a Ballad. The literary devices in two such storytelling methods are very different, in a ballad i would Expect this type of thing which is fair because the book is named a ballad. In a novel i would find it a bit too coincidental, but i don’t think that was how we were supposed to look at it. 

That all aside, i never actually had any feelings for Snow beyond the literary device he embodied, the power so vast and beyond you it is hopeless to even think of defying it. Now i have Many feelings about Snow, namely, that i actively hate him now. 

This book may actually play out as a cautionary tale about being careful of narcissists, actually, and taking care to make sure they do not end up amassing too much power. 

I would say Collins portrayed Snow as a mixture of the old Nurture versus Nature debate, his absolute lust for total control to no longer be the victim of something as horrific as the war was Clearly a case of circumstance... If he had never been in the war, he would not have felt the sheer powerlessness that has led to his absolute need for control. 

There is also the other angle of his nurturing that plays into this, his Absolute sense of entitlement as a Snow. He was born a Snow, not some lowly normal capitol family, or worse, one of those ‘district animals’. In his mind, what was rightfully His was stolen from him when they lose the business in the war because of district 13, he got bit in the ass by capitalism, hilariously. His family’s business went under, and the loss of income from it took them from hero to zero, but he though he was Owed his money and status by virtue of his birth and did not see how fragile the perch of his wealth and status was even After the perch had been toppled and he was left penniless. The presence of irrefutable evidence that nothing but access to more dollars provided his life style did not even break through his entitlement. 

But i mean, there are a lot of entitled capitalists in this world who think that just because they Used to have money and a thriving business means they are entitled to always have that, and while it makes them not that great, it doesn’t exactly make them Monsters. But here’s the thing, you also cannot claim that Snow is not just naturally a self centered narcissist. That is just a personality trait, and it is This that makes the above a horrifying problem. 

When somebody else is harmed, it is about how it will effect Him. The tragedy in being assigned district 12, girl, was not that a girl was being stolen away to be murdered, but that he got stuck with one of the kids unlikely to win. Tigris’ implication of what she may have had to do to keep their family operating was first and foremost about how uncomfortable and disgusted it made Him. Other were reduced to utter horrors to survive the war and he judged them for it, all the while, he only escaped such a thing because of a crime his grandmother committed (looting was, technically, illegal). Clemmie maybe needing him? It wasn’t about her or her life, it was about how it might effect Him (to a point, it is fair to fear for your own life in such a situation, but most would bother to feel bad about it). This is just a handful of examples, but there are many, many more. 

He is also Horrifyingly possesive. He, Literally, is a textbook case of an abusive boyfriend who kills their girlfriend because they might have priorities other than him. Lucy Gray may not be dead, i was not left with the impression he succeeded in killing her, but the deal sealer is in the attempt, not whether he succeeds. The entire narrative in his head towards his relationship with lucy contains every danger sign i’ve ever been warned against in men. He wishes to Own her, not love her, and that he was literally given her life on a plate as an experiment did not help with his narcissistic entitlement. His family and friends (though, he did not have friends) all assumed he loved her and because they said it he assumed it was true. But it was possession he was feeling. 

He did not help Lucy out of the goodness of his heart, it was self serving. It was self serving the entire time. Us, having knowledge of his internal monologue are aware of his self centered intentions, but the characters around him, unaware of this, treat him as if he is a good person because they assume he has charitable motives. He very much does not. Him comforting Clemmie was, every step of the way, for his own benefit. He Certainly was not the saint Sejanus thought he was. 

But he still Believes the people who tell him how great he is!!! Narcissist. 

he is, in short, a right piece of work. What a monster it takes to get your ‘brother’ executed for treason and manage to make it about himself in about an Hour. What a monster it takes to attempt to do that to Lucy Gray. What a monster it takes to get the Plinth’s only child killed and take his inheritance and power out of a sense of entitlement and continue calling the grieving mother ‘ma’. 

Anyway, brilliant character building. I Hate him. 

I also Love the world building, the confirmation that Reaping Day is on July 4th, the idea that in the beginning even the capitol citizens thought the hunger games were barbaric and depressing and that they had to be won over by a propaganda campaign of dehumanization and entertainment. The idea that mentors were once capitol citizens, that it went wrong so they erased it from history but cherrypicked the parts that worked. 

I found Dr Gall or whatever her name was gravitating towards Snow interesting, because people who are like that Naturally gravitate towards people who prove their world views right, and by all rights Snow does turn out very much like her (admittedly, with less an interest in science), who is to say she in turn was not less of a monster in earlier life but grew into it as well? She saw something in him and nurtured it with poison. 

This is getting increasingly more random, But i love Peeta’s highjacking now. I was never against it, but it was never the plot for me, but now i am So into it. Because Sejanus is Very peeta like, that idealism. And how satisfying it must have been for Snow to finally be able to crack into that and destroy it because he has the Power to do so now. 

On the flip side, I actually now wish we had Peeta perspective chapters, because there is a compelling argument to say Snow and Peeta have their similarities, too. I mean, their defining difference is that Peeta is a good person, but they have the same talent for sheer manipulation as each other, Peeta manipulated hunger games audiences into keeping Katniss alive longer, Snow did the same with Lucy Gray. They are both deeply charismatic, generally liked by their peers, popular, are sabotaged by small groups of people who hate them for reasons beyond their control. They are inversions, same coin, different sides. 

The sexual slavery of the victors is now a more narratively interesting thing, as well, because snow is, in this book, Disgusted by the idea of any kind of sexual impropriety (not My opinion, but he considers it impropriety). He is disturbed by Tigris’ implication she may have had to engage in it. Was what he did to the victors merely a case of his disdain for district animals and wishing to subject them to the most degrading thing as possible? How did he get from A to B here? 

Seeing the very first career pack was interesting, too. I wonder if the stronger districts started to band together in the games from realising the strategy had advantages or of the capitol subtly Encouraged the behavior themselves. The latter seems more likely, considering they were the ones out for a good show. 

I was interested on canon confirmation on the peacekeepers, to be honest. I’ve seen fic discuss where exactly they come from, but to know they are made up from less wealthy capitol citizens And district people after either money/a way out of their assigned district’s profession or both was a nice lore drop. 

I know it’s not Confirmed Tigris is the same Tigris who played a part in mockingjay but... it would be so wonderful if she were. Being brought down, in part, by she who nurtured him. Tigris loved Coryo because she thought he was somebody he was not, so when and how did she find out who he Really was? 

In the end, i find the idea that this books Shows us Snow created the country we see in the trilogy through the reasoning that A) humanity is terrible and will always fight and try to destroy each other  and that B) he decided that if point A was true, he’d amass enough personal power to make sure he would Always be in control of the fights and come out on top of them utterly Fascinating societal commentary, most of which is not really my lane to address so i won’t (also, it’s fairly obvious). 

But the idea that Snow was one of the capitol ones who sees the district people in a more favourable light simply because he’s at least willing to admit they’re not zoo animals is Stunning when you put it in context of all the things He does to them. He’s not even close to the worst one and look what he did! 

In the end, i think Collins has fleshed out this world and made it more horrifying than it was before. And Panem is meant to be a reflection of our own society’s failings. This book was not to say ‘oh Snow was an actual person so wasn’t That bad’, it was trying to say ‘Snow was an actual person and is Very much terrible’ because the idea is this series is a highlighted reflection of the real bad in our own world. If the monster Snow is cannot be relatable to a real person, how is it any kind of societal commentary at all? He cannot be one dimensional and totally evil from the womb if you want the story to actually say anything. 

I also did find this story relied on Collins’ previously seen not necessarily realistic world from the original books to make its point, and i did not expect that to be a deal breaker for so many people considering the story from the trilogy relied on its audience’s skill to read into the meaning rather than the literal at times as well, but i stand by my assertation that the title is meant to be an indication of the type of narrative the book observes, it is a song, which is a very different style of story than that in any other kind of media. 

[queenofthelanternfish]

I kinda hate how ppl erase Ava’s bisexuality, from shipping to talking about lgbt representation in the comic. Not to mention some people call Michelle homophobic/transphobic even tho she’s bisexual/bigender. I really wanted to be involved in this fandom but honestly it’s too toxic.

first of all i’m sorry you feel like you can’t be involved in this fandom because of the toxicity, i would suggest finding small groups of like minded people within the fandom than interact with it as a whole. i used to get so much anxiety from the AD fandom until i found people within who were truly kind and helped me have fun reading and talking about AD again. also, don’t be afraid to be liberal with blocking people, the AD tag for me is now refreshingly quiet lmao.

but now to the actual subject; i Fucking Hate when people erase ava’s bisexuality. like, in ANY facet it kind of makes me mad. like, ava has EXPLICITLY been shown that she had/has feelings for maggie, and just because maggie is straight and therefore the ship is unrequited doesn’t invalidate ava’s feelings for her. ava not having maggie reciprocate feelings does not mean ava’s sexuality is there for brownie points only to be swept under the rug. ava is bisexual. ava will ALWAYS be bisexual even with her not getting with maggie. like, unrequited love happens, ESPECIALLY your first crush oh my god.

i’ve also seen things where people have called michelle homophobic because ava isn’t going to get with maggie and she’s showing feelings for odin, saying in a mocking way that ava’s going to “pray her gay away” and get with odin. which is so fucking disgusting because literally bisexuality means ava is attracted to two or more genders, and her being with odin does NOT invalidate that in the slightest!!! ava being into boys does not, nor ever will, make her straight. just like ava being into girls does not, nor ever will, make her a lesbian.

i’m sick of people thinking that whoever ava ends up with will define her sexuality, and that michelle possibly giving ava a boyfriend makes her homophobic because she CHOSE to write ava ending up with a guy instead of a girl. it literally is biphobic to think that the only valid ship for a bisexual character is a same sex relationship. i understand wanting to see bisexuals in same sex relationships represented in media, but it’s also telling when you harass a creator, who is OPENLY BISEXUAL, that her bisexual character isn’t good enough because she’s possibly written to be with a guy in the story. michelle is married to man, and it can be assumed that ava and odin represent her and her husband. to say ava and odin are a “het” couple is biphobic not only because it erases ava’s sexuality, but it also says you think an actual bisexual woman married to a man is also “het passing.”

i can’t deny that even seeing ava being shown with the lesbian flag makes me irritated as a bisexual woman myself. it’s as if ava’s bisexuality isn’t enough and that her being a lesbian is better or more “inclusive.” i could just be overly sensitive on that one i admit, but i just don’t like seeing bi characters have their sexuality be changed, whether straight, gay, lesbian, w/e. erasure is erasure. i sometimes have my mom call me a lesbian because i have a girlfriend and it honestly BUGS me. my girlfriend, who is a lesbian, also gets upset on my behalf when i get called a lesbian.

bisexual people want to be seen as bisexual, and by extension we feel protective of actual bi characters who also get their sexuality erased or questioned to the point of discourse. there’s a difference between a poorly written bisexual character that only exists for brownie points, and then there’s actual bi characters made BY bi creators who are writing their characters from personal experiences and trying their best to represent bisexual people and their different experiences with their sexuality. not every bisexual person has the same experiences, and just because a bisexual person isn’t written to be a perfect 50%/50% ratio of male and female sexual experiences, does NOT make them any less bisexual! who they end up with, i simply cannot stress this enough, does NOT make them any less bisexual either!!!

Any way, i’m sorry for the rant but this subject gets me so heated. ava ire is the first bisexual character i ever truly felt akin to, and seeing people think her sexuality isn’t written well enough makes my blood boil a little.

[loverunderwater]

Falling Inn Love (2019) dir. Roger Kumble

summary:

When city girl Gabriela spontaneously enters a contest and wins a rustic New Zealand inn, she teams up with bighearted contractor Jake Taylor to fix and flip it.

1.5 stars

Spoilers, duh, but you can enjoy this movie even if you know exactly what’s going to happen next, just like how everyone who watched it for the first time did. In fact, you don’t even have to read this review to guess what happens in this film. Without reading spoilers beforehand, you could probably guess 90% of the unremarkable plot points in this predictable and bland rom-com.

My biggest general problem with Falling Inn Love is that every single character has absolutely no personality. On top of that, each aspect of their personality (or lack thereof) is pretty much only included for the sake of furthering the plot. I’m pretty sure if you took away the characters’ main defining features, you would have the amount of fucks the writers put into developing their characters. They’re just not appealing, relatable, or interesting.

For example, the main character herself. Gabriela’s entire backstory is that she broke up with her boyfriend Dean. That’s literally all we get. You could not ask me to describe what I think Gabriela’s views on orgies, communism, or vegans look like. I should be familiar enough with the character to answer at least one of those. If I had to, I’d say she appreciates vegans, but that’s only because her entire personality is green housing and renovations and clean solar power and energy efficiency. You could not tell me if she planned to secretly run away from home as a child, but at least I know she brings her iPad to dinner with her boyfriend to show him her closet renovation ideas. This is a biiiig example of characters only being the way they are in order to further the plot, but also an example of the writers’ irregularity of bringing backstory into the story. Gabriela’s save-the-planet can-do attitude is only ever applied to the inn, when she decides to stay and renovate it into a clean energy facility. Not when she’s driving her clunky, CO2-emitting van all around town to places to which she could easily walk, which I’m sure is like the top biggest tip to saving the planet—to walk, bike, or take public transportation. Minus ½ star for hypocrisy.

The one thing I could tell you about Gabriela, besides that she sure does love her solar panels, is that she has an awful amount of Main Character syndrome, where she believes everything is about her and the entire world rotates around her. I’m fairly sure that wasn’t the writers’ intention, but they sure projected a ton of pride and self-esteem onto a pretty lackluster character, making her seem conceited. When Jake bumps into Gabriela at the hardware store, she says, “Why are you everywhere that I am?” Seems like she’s got a lot of confidence in her importance and relevance to Jake for someone who has no personality!!!!! It could just be a small town and Jake’s just minding his own business and knowing more about home renovation than Gabriela, which she finds annoying because she’s a strong, independent woman who takes no shit from men.

Charlotte is probably the world’s most pathetic villain. Her hobby is owning a hotel filled with porcelain dolls that belonged to her mother and the stink of old people breath. That’s all we know about her. Oh, and she really, really, really wants to buy the Bluebird from Gabriela because she’s an inn supremacist and believes only she can host an inn that restores the value of tradition and honesty to society. It’s so sad.

Jake has no personality. His backstory is that his girlfriend died 3 years ago and so he’s reluctant to love. That’s a new one. I wonder where the writers came up with that. He likes possum taxidermy because it reminds him of his grandmother. He likes to help out literally everywhere, for free, because he’s just such a nice guy. That’s all there is to him.

Even in Harry Potter, where you could clearly sort each member of the Golden Trio into a very obvious stereotype, you could still find more in-depth characterization beneath. Remove Hermione’s book-nerd, know-it-all personality. Underneath, she’s still a sassy, exasperated girl who cares for her friends and would choose them over anything. She’s flawed, and will act on her annoyance in rash, but calculated ways. Remove Ron’s comedic best friend, runt of the pack personality. Underneath, he’s loving and loyal, and is tired of simply being seen as the nobody. Finally, Harry himself, who beneath the Chosen One archetype, is snarky and witty and driven. Though fairly common and typical, there are multiple layers to these characters, which you just don’t get in Falling Inn Love. But Han, you say, that’s the appeal of a rom-com. You get to see how characters react to specific tropes. Fine, but I raise you this: pacing errors and plot convenience (woo alliteration!).

Similarly to the previous point, not only do the characters’ personalities seem to serve no purpose but to create a coherent plot, but in fact, almost everything that occurs in this movie seems to just happen out of thin air. There is literally no reason or motive behind any of the plot points, which is an indicator of a very weak story. It’s as if the writers had two plot points laid out— “Jake and Gabriela kiss” and “Gabriela decides to stay in New Zealand because she discovers she loves the Bluebird inn”— and halfassedly crammed in as many of the most contrasting tropes as they could find underneath a Wattpad novel from 2013 titled Falling for the Jock. Minus 1 star for plot convenience.

Gabriela’s boyfriend Dean is a douchebag. He is always on his phone during dates, cannot shut up about his job (Man, that sure does sound like someone else we know) and is always having his manager make decisions for the both of them. But Gabriela doesn’t break up with him beacuase he’s inattentive and ignorant. She breaks up with him because he doesn’t want to move in with her. Not wanting to move in with someone is a perfectly valid opinion to have, and Dean even gives a good reason: he’s happy with the things are now. And sure, you could break up with a partner if you felt strongly enough about things, but it would have to be a mutual understanding, an agreement that your lives were being hindered by this decision, or a realization that you both want different things. When Gabriela dumps Dean, it is entirely her end of the rope that is left hanging. It doesn’t feel like a satisfying ending to the first chapter. It feels forced, and that’s because they need Gabriela to apply for the Win an Inn scam. If Gabriela had dumped Dean because he didn’t put enough effort into the relationship, at least we would have felt happy for her, knowing that she deserved better. But because she dumped him because he didn’t want to move in with her and her eco-friendly dishwashers, we’re left thinking, Wow, that was pathetic.

There’s also a scene where Gabriela’s close (and only?? we’re not led to see any of her other friends, but then again, maybe she has none) friend tells her to give Dean an ultimatum—that’s what she did to get her boyfriend to propose to her. This is supposed to look like bad advice from an unqualified friend, since later the same friend tells Gabriela that she’s attending couple’s therapy with her fiancée, because apparently forcing your partner to either marry you or break up with you could lead to trouble in paradise. Who knew? Even though the movie makes it appear that ultimatums are not what to do in a strained relationship, that’s essentially what Gabriela does internally to Dean. Move in with me or we’re done. Minus ½ star for hypocrisy.

Falling Inn Love is supposed to be an enemies-to-friends-to-lovers story. But the pacing of Gabriela and Jake’s relationship is so out of control that it doesn’t seem realistic at all whatsoever. They go from being at each others’ necks constantly, always exchanging cliche retorts, to smiling lovingly at the other in the span of two minutes. Once again, nothing happens to spur on this change. All of the sudden, they’re acting completely civil to on another and now there’s a romance out of nowhere. It’s not realistic or believable.

The climax of Falling Inn Love was probably my least favorite part about it. After Charlotte’s creepy doll hotel is burned down, she, Jake, Gabriela, and the contractor meet to discuss the selling of the Bluebird. And oh boy. After 90 whole-ass minutes of Gabriela claiming she wants to sell the inn, she suddenly gives a Dramatic and Raw speech about keeping ahold of what’s precious to you. Actually, I’m not completely sure if that was she was talking about because it wasn’t worth listening to the entire thing. It was only like 20 seconds, but it was just like every other speech where the main character drastically changes their mind for the better. It was just sad. And after her motivational speech? Charlotte, after 90 whole-ass minutes of trying to buy the Bluebird and get Gabriela to forfeit her inn through most likely illegal manners, nods admirationally and tells Gabriela, “You’re one of us now.” Like, what even happened there? What exactly happened to make Charlotte change her mind? Wouldn’t she want to buy the inn even more now that she doesn’t have one of her own? I know no one with such high demands who would back down that easily, at such a lame speech. For that, Charlotte is a weak antagonist, and lowers the rating by ½ a star, because shouldn’t you despise the antagonist? Shouldn’t you have a little crawling feeling in your stomach whenever they appear onscreen. For me, that was true, but only because she looks like Hannah Meloche and her sickly, whiny voice made me want to throw myself off a cliff.

About halfway through the movie, Charlotte texts Dean from Gabriela’s phone, telling him to bring her back to America if he really loves her. Firstly, why doesn’t Miss Badass have a passcode on her phone?? But when Dean finally arrives to New Zealand to take Gabriela back, there’s no mention of the text. There’s not even a simple “How did you know when the opening launch party was?” “Why are you here? I did not invite you,” on Gabriela’s end, and a “You asked me to take you back, that’s what I’m here to do,” on Dean’s end. It feels like we didn’t get closure on something that was really hyped up to create suspense.

Again, nothing happens to make Gabriela change her mind about keeping the inn. even when Jake is whining to her about being authentic and real and keeeping the Bluebird for the first 7/8ths of the movie, she is adamant in telling him off. And… then nothing happens. Nothing remarkable shifts in their relationship. Nothing remarkable shifts in Gabriela’s daily life. The only thing we can assume is that Jake’s whining has started to borderline on manipulation, and Gabriela feels pressured to keep the inn if she wants to keep Jake. This would be supported by the fact that Gabriela and Jake began to ignore each other when their initial discussion about selling the Bluebird came to blows. Minus 1 star for unsatisfying conclusion.

This movie apparently really wants its happy ending, since almost everything in it is forced to get there. But I don’t know if there’s really much that’s that great.

Overall, I don’t hate Falling Inn Love because I watched it with my best friend over a FaceTime call and we were having fun. But I’m pretty sure if I had watched it on my own I would have clicked out of the tab about thirty minutes in.

[lavenderbones22]

This Side Of Paradise-  Ben Hardy

Summary: After confessing that they wanted to be together again, Ben's ex-girlfriend is struggling to leave her boyfriend. Now Ben must try and win her back.

A/N After many requests, here is the third part of HNLY/Curious. Enjoy:) xo

Word Count: 2123

Part 3 or 3- Please read HNLY and Curious before this one so it makes more sense :)

--------------

It had been three weeks.

Three weeks since the party where two former lovers confessed their love once again.

But ever since that night there had been nothing but radio silence.

Ben was worked up; stuck between wanting to message her, asking when she was leaving him and just letting everything happen organically.

He had messaged her the day after the party asking how she had pulled up, they had both been pretty drunk and had rather loud sex in the bathroom of Emily's place. They'd exchanged a few friendly messages but she never replied to his last one.

Truth was, he was freaking the fuck out.

And it was showing, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. His cast mates for Bohemian Rhapsody had picked up on his change of mood. The days after the party he had been ecstatic, telling Gwil, Joe and Rami about his rendezvous in the bathroom with his ex girlfriend. But now he was a shadow of what he was for those few days; moping around, smiling only when it was absolutely necessary.

The only thing he could think about was the possibility of her regretting that night. Regretting everything she had said to him; their exchanges of love.

He loved her, lord knows he loved her so much. But sometimes he wanted to crack her skull open just so he could see what the fuck was going through that brain of hers.

"Maybe you need to let it go buddy," Gwil said one day when they were sitting in the makeup chairs on set. "After all, she is in a relationship." Always the sensible one, the father of the group giving real advice that Ben right now couldn't bare to hear. He simply couldn't comprehend the idea of her actually staying with him. They were so mismatched! She didn't look at him like she used to look at Ben, how she had looked at him that night. It just wasn't a possibility that she would remain with him.

"She doesn't want to be though," he responded in a toneless voice. "She's scared to make the change. She was always like that." He stared at his reflection in the mirror as he was slowing morphing back into Roger Taylor. He loved playing Roger. It gave him a chance to check out of his life for a little while, encapsulate the life of the playboy rockstar; forget that the love of his life had dropped off the face of the planet once again.

"Well maybe you need to help her make that change," Gwil suggested. "If you think that's the reason nothing has happened, make it happen!"  Ben stared at his mate. He was right. He couldn't just continue sitting around week after week waiting to hear something from her. It was embarrassing how long he would sit in his living room at night at stare at his phone, pleading with the universe for any sort of communication from her.

Not to mention, he was on her Instagram page every fifteen minutes.

"Shit, your right!" Ben sat forward, earning a grunt from the makeup artist. He apologised and moved back in his seat so she could continue her work. "This girl cannot make a decision to save her life," he began. "Waiting around for her to make her mind up is like waiting for grass to grow."

Gwil laughed. He enjoyed seeing this positive change in his new friend.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner!" His eyes were lit up, shining a brighter green now he was filled with happiness. "I'm going to show her just why she should be with me again."

***

"Did you know that his wife, Josephine De Beauharnais barely escaped execution, having the government deposed and executions halted a day before her trial. She met Napoleon years later at a party." He glanced at his girlfriend barely keeping her eyes open as he spoke. "Hey!"

She shot her head up.

"Oh shit, sorry," she rubbed her eyes with her fingers. "I didn't mean to fall asleep...I'm just so exhausted." Truth was she was bored shitless with his relentlessness when it came to his history lessons. He was a teacher, a high school history one and she found that utterly mind numbing. Especially when she had to be on the receiving end of one of his practice talks.

"Should you go to bed then?" He asked her in a passive aggressive tone.

She frowned, looking down at her phone. It wasn't even ten yet. "Erm, yeah, might do."

He continued talking about god knows what as she gathered a few of her things and meandered into the kitchen.

"Did you hear what I said?" He called out to her. She couldn't speak, her mouth filled with water as she took a sip from her glass.

"No. What was it?" She rinsed out her glass and walked back into the living room.

"Meant to be a rain storm later on," he was staring at the weather app on his phone. She made a small noise in acknowledgement to his tedious fact and headed towards her bedroom. She silently prayed he wasn't going to stay the night, he was on her nerves something shocking.

Changing into her sleeping tee, she grabbed some makeup wipes and stood in front of the mirror in her room. It was moments like this when she started thinking about Ben again. Ever since that night at Emily's engagement she'd tried to block him out of her memory. She wanted him and she wanted him desperately but she was terrified that it would never be as good as it once was. She was riddled with fear over the idea of him being reminded of the pain she caused when she left him standing in the middle of his house, no explanation whatsoever. Terrified that he'd realise he made a huge mistake, she barricaded herself from him. She couldn't make herself vulnerable to that sort of heartbreak even if she inflicted the same upon him only a year ago.

After removing her makeup and applying the nightly skin care routine to her dehydrated skin, her boyfriend walked into the room.

"Do you mind if I just crash?" He pulled his shirt over his head. Okay, he was boring but he had a good body. "Quicker to get to work," he finished.

"S'fine," she responded casually. Maybe shitty sex would get her mind off of Ben.

But maybe it would just make her think of him more.

"We haven't done anythin' in like, a week," he was behind her now, hands on her ass and lips against her neck.

She shivered. Not because of arousal but because it was him touching her and not Ben.

"Oh, it's been a week?" Ignorance was always her best friend.

"Yeah," he whispered still pressed way too close to her. "Wanna change that?" She rolled her shoulder in an attempt to push him off.

"Not really," she mumbled. "I'm tired."

Her boyfriend had stepped back and she could see him frowning, anger growing, in the reflection of the mirror.

"What's been up with you lately?" He was running his hand over his face in frustration as he waited for her to answer. Her eyes moved to his while she was applying her eye cream. She shrugged.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine!" His voice became louder.

"Why are you yelling?" Her brows furrowed. "I'm not having you stay over if you're going to raise your voice at me like that."

"I'm not yelling at you! I'm just frustrated...ever since that party you've been...I dunno," he ran his hands through his short hair. "Weird."

"I really don't know what you're talking about," she played it off and walked into her ensuite bathroom.

"I think that you do," he followed her, standing in the doorway.

She didn't say a word as she fumbled around her bathroom cupboard for her toothbrush.

"I overheard some people talking about you and that actor fella."

She froze. Fuck. He was staring at her again in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were stuck on his. Maybe this was her chance?"

"Erm..."

He interrupted her before she could continue.

"They said that it was the first time you two had been in the same room since you broke up," his arms were crossed over his defined chest, the muscles in his biceps exceptionally noticeable. "Is that true?"

Moving her gaze from his arms to his face she bit her lip. "Yes..." she said softly.

"How come I didn-"

Suddenly the calling of her name from the bedroom window interrupted their conversation.

"What the hell," confusion, she walked back into her room and over to the window where she pulled the blinds back and looked outside.

She couldn't believe what she saw. Ben. He was standing on the footpath below her building holding an enormous bouquet of roses.

She stifled a laugh as she pulled the window open. "What are you doing?" Calling out to him, her heart was about to burst.

"Getting you back," he called to her.

Her boyfriend behind her, asking who it was. She shut the blind and turned around. "I have to go downstairs," she said, grabbing a jacket remembering he had told her it was going to rain. "I'll be back."

Ben got nervous when she disappeared from the window. But the hope that sat inside of him told him that he had nothing to worry about.

She laughed to herself as she exited her apartment and started down the two flights of stairs. What would have possessed him to do this? Why didn't he just call?

Her boyfriend's voice started yelling her name from her apartment door but she ignored it; he was history now.

She stood in front of the building door before opening it. This was a defining moment. As soon as she crossed boundary from one side to the other she was walking back into his arms. She didn't know why she had to stop and consider it; this was an obvious choice. She was unhappy with her boyfriend, but she was scared to make a change, scared Ben would reject her just like she had him.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to the love of her life standing at the bottom of the stairs. It was raining now and he was soaked.

She laughed, looking at his beautiful, rain soaked face.

"C'mere," he held his hand out to her. She looked so beautiful to him. All baggy tee, no makeup, hair in bun of her. It was how he loved her best.

Within seconds she was back in his arms. The roses forgotten as he had dropped them onto the ground when he embraced her. Their lips were pressed together, hungry for one another having missed their souls connected like this. The rain was loud, heavy on the pavement and the road, soaking them but neither one cared.

"Why didn't you just call me?" she spoke against his lips finally.

He chuckled. "Would you rather me have?"

She pretended to think. "No!" she shook her head, laughter.

They found their lips together again, moment after moment passing until Ben pulled away.

"I want you back," he said softly. "I want you to be mine again," he ran his thumbs under her eyes wiping away what could have been rain or tears, he wasn't sure. "You said you would leave him, but you haven't."

She could see the pain on his face regarding that fact. It hurt her heart. Fuck, it hurt his heart more apparently. Here she was, fucking hurting him again.

"I was scared," she replied. She knew it was a shitty excuse, something she would have huffed at had it been used on her but it was the truth. Her fear sat in so many things; rejection, loss, the unknown.

"You say you wanted me, but your sleeping with him," he brushed the hair sticking to her face out of her eyes and stared into her soul.

"I know," she sighed. The rain was getting heavier but they still didn't move. "I do want you, that hasn't changed."

A figure in her window caught his attention. Ben recognised him from the party.

"He's watching," he moved his green eyes to show her what he meant. She turned and looked up to see her boyfriend watching everything from the window, fuming.

"Don't worry about him," she told Ben, turning back to the the man in her arms that had her heart. Her fingers ran over his face, touching him, feeling him, like it was the first time.

"You have me. For real this time."

TAG LIST: @galileoqueen-mama-mia , @fuckinghurricanesoul , @spidreling , @screaminggalileochickenwrites , @softbenhardy , @ziggysstarrdust , @mortifiedmoon , @tanya-is-dead 

[noshamemovement]

Why I Took Off My Purity Ring - True Purity of Heart

Over this past weekend, I made a decision. I won’t wear my purity ring for the time being. I may change my mind, but I can’t say for certain if I’ll go back to wearing it.

I’ve worn this ring for ten years, since I was 14 years old. I currently have a little tan line where the ring used to be. I remember the exact moment my Mom bought me the ring from a local Christian bookshop. I actually asked for the ring. I knew that sex was for marriage and I wanted to wait, because my Mom told me it was the right thing for a Christian girl to do. To me, and to the church, purity simply meant not having sex before marriage.

I faithfully wore that ring for a decade, but I assure you that my heart and my actions throughout that time were anything but pure. Because the purity culture in which I was raised taught me that purity = no sex before marriage, and that’s it, I really thought I was pure. As a person in my late teens, when I discovered pornography and masturbation, I thought, “Well, I’m not having sex. It’s bad, but it’s not THAT bad. It’s not ‘sex before marriage bad.’ What I’m doing isn’t the worst sexual thing to do.” I wore that purity ring while engaging in sexual activity that was absolutely impure. 

I wore that ring when I snapped at my Mom, when I yelled at my brother, when I fought with a friend, when I took little things from hotels or restaurants, when I lied, and when I considered having sex with a 39-year old man I hardly knew. The church taught me that purity could be boiled down to only one thing, and I hadn’t broken that rule, so by their standards, I was pure. When my Christian girlfriends confessed that they would make out with their boyfriends, or dry hump, or have sex, I inwardly praised myself for not doing that. In my mind, they were impure and I was pure. 

When I engaged in deviant sexual behavior, I was aware of my shortcomings and failures. I felt so guilty each time I’d look down at that purity ring, elegantly decorating the ring finger on my left hand. I didn’t know why I felt so guilty, because I was still a virgin. I was pure. I was engaged to Jesus. My virginity was a gift for my husband. I was staying a virgin for my husband. An emphasis on girls’ purity is prevalent in the church because women are tempting. This is what the church taught me. 

Now that I’m 24, almost 25, I’m rethinking everything that the church taught me. And it’s good. I’m not sure I will get married. So how can I say I’m refraining from sex because of some imaginary future husband? I should say I’m denying myself sex because I want to honor Jesus with my body.Although I don’t personally understand why sex in a long-term committed relationship is wrong, and I don’t really see that clearly mentioned in Scripture, I’m going to refrain until I’m 100% sure. I don’t want to give my virginity to someone and then regret it when I figure out the truth.

I removed my purity ring because I know that purity is not confined to what I do with my vagina. I no longer subscribe to purity/modesty culture, which is closely linked to rape culture. A woman’s worth or purity is not defined by her sexual past, present, or future. She is not less pure because she has sex. I am not more pure because I don’t. Purity culture teaches that kissing, touching, and hugging always lead to sex which is why the church produces 25 year olds who haven’t dated or kissed and don’t know how to get married because they don’t understand relationships. Exhibit A is yours truly.

Purity has to be the essence of who I am. I should not be envious of another woman’s looks, bank account, or degrees. I cannot lie to make myself look better or to get out of a bad situation. I will check myself when I see an attractive man and will try not to ogle him. I will not be an angry woman, snapping at people and alienating myself, refusing to listen to differing opinions. I must give of myself and my possessions to those in need. I have to go out of my way to help another soul on this journey back home to God. I will love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, strength, and mind.

That is purity. That is true purity. No sex before marriage is a mere fraction of what purity truly is. 

*Note: thank you for sharing this heartfelt message. Just want to add a note that No Shame Movement exists to dismantle the concept of purity altogether because it is a social construct invented to suppress and control women. 

- NSM  

[thesydneyfeminists]

WAG: Wife and Girlfriend … and So Much More

Sporting stars are amongst the most adored and revered in today’s societies, especially male ones. The players and their clubs inspire an almost animalistic loyalty across the globe. By default, their partners, who are often women, find themselves in the spotlight as well. They are swept along for the ride of fame, red carpet events and television appearances.

This kind of lifestyle may sound glamourous, and many of these women are no doubt proud and supportive of their husbands/ boyfriends. But it is not their sole purpose in life to foster and nurture their partners’ careers, especially if it means neglecting their own aspirations and achievements. But the term ‘WAG’ (wife and girlfriend), as used to refer to the partners of sport superstars, makes it seem as though the supporting role is all these women were “made” for.

The British press first introduced the acronym WAG over a decade ago as a label for partners of players on the English football team. However, the term was adopted world-wide during the 2006 FIFA World Cup. Yes, WAG is, in a literal sense, accurate. These women are the wives and girlfriends of famous sporting stars, and there is nothing wrong or shameful about that fact. But they are also so much more than that. This label extremely limits their public identity and can also be harmful towards their own self identities.

Image Description: A photo of the back of a person dressed in a soccer uniform running on a field. They are wearing a black sweatband around their head, a long-sleeve green jersey with the number 22 in white on the back, white soccer shorts, knee-high green socks and black kleats with three white stripes. Their hair is dirty blonde and reaches their shoulders. You can see a number of spectators, players and other officials with their back to the camera in the background. They are blurred and out of focus. There is one player facing the camera who is also running and wearing the same soccer uniform but is partially hidden by the main player. There are two soccer goalposts in the background with green nets. Behind the field are a number of tall trees with no leaves and some white houses. The sky appears as though it is sunset, and is lit up bright yellow.

The label “WAG” doesn’t allow much room for achievements, successes, careers or even personalities of the women it applies to. It may be the case these women wouldn’t be in the public eye if not for the fame of their husbands. But that still does not mean they cannot be described as “so and so’s wife, primary school teacher” or “human rights activist” or “restaurant manager,” or whatever else it is which defines them.

The term has even inspired the creation of online lists and galleries with titles such as “Top 10 WAGs.” This specific list can be found on the website Askmen, who use the tagline “become a better man,” as if reading this appearance-based ranking of women would increase one’s decency. In doing so, the media strips away the individuality of these women and simultaneously sexualises them by rank.

Image Description: A photo of a slim person with short, blonde hair. They are wearing a strapless, lilac dress, silver bracelet and matching earrings. Their left hand is placed on their hip and they are posing for the camera at a red carpet event. Behind them, in the background and on the left-hand side of the photo, are two people with short hair in black tuxedos and another person with long, light brown hair dressed in a black blazer. They appear to be organising the event. There are also two people who appear to be attending the event on the right-hand side of the photo. One is wearing a tight blue dress with thin straps and has short brown hair. The other also has short brown hair and is wearing a blue dress that has beading work on the straps and hoop earrings. There are a number of blurry, unidentifiable people standing behind them.

Yet, despite the sexist connotations surrounding WAG, there are some women who have embraced the title. They enjoy the fame and attention that comes from being a superstar’s wife. WAGS LA is just one of the multiple reality television series based around the lives of WAGs. IMDb describes it as following “the beautiful and entertaining wives and girlfriends of sports stars.” The show showcases the fortune, fame and drama that results from the opulent lifestyles lead by WAGs.

Although many of these women seem to find no issue attaching their identities to their partners, their exuberant acceptance of the label suggests they are only in it for money and fame. Their actions thus perpetuate the stereotype that all wives and girlfriends of sporting stars should be judged as such.

This habit of defining a woman by her famous husband is also prevalent in acting. Perhaps one of the best and most recent demonstrations of this controversy is that of Amal and George Clooney. Prior to her relationship with George Clooney, Amal did not receive the same kind of attention she does now. However, she was and is very impressive in her own right.

For almost 20 years, Amal has been a very successful human rights lawyer. She has fought in high-profile cases with some amazing outcomes. Although her illustrious successes aren’t a secret, she began being referred to and identified as simply “George Clooney’s wife” after their marriage.

In 2017, The Associated Press announced the birth of Amal and George’s twins on Twitter. They wrote, “BREAKING: Publicist says Amal Clooney, wife of George Clooney, gave birth to twins Ella and Alexander on Tuesday.” Another Twitter user replied, “I think you mean Amal Clooney, noted human rights lawyer, gave birth to twins. #FixedItForYou.”

The term WAG has gained much traction since its conception. It is often used to dismantle a women’s individuality. It has contributed to an already patriarchal society that sees women as dependent on or even the property of men. While the role of wife is admirable and most certainly informs one’s identity, it will never be the most important or most interesting thing about a woman.

By: Georgia May

Sources:

LeeLo, J. (2017). Amal Clooney Is More Than George Clooney’s Wife. Retrieved from https://www.elitedaily.com/entertainment/celebrity/amal-clooney-more-than-george-wife/1974928

Voyer, M. Top 10: WAGs. Retrieved from https://au.askmen.com/top_10/celebrity/top-10-wags_3.html

WAGs (TV Series 2015–2017) - IMDb. Retrieved from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4986084/

Brumleve, B. (2015). Where did the term WAGs come from?. Retrieved from https://guysgirl.com/gg/wags-wives-girlfriends-originate-18274/

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this piece do not necessarily reflect the views of the Sydney Feminists. Our Blogger and Tumblr serve as platforms for a diverse array of women to put forth their ideas and explore topics. To learn more about the philosophy behind TSF’s Blogger/ Tumblr, please read our statement here: https://www.sydneyfeminists.org/a

[dustngold]

~~~Personal Rant~~~

A friend, we’ll call em (B), who I’ve known for almost 10 years, got a girlfriend, we’ll call er (C) Cool. Very exciting.

Friend (B) who I’ve known for almost 10 years’ new girlfriend (C) asks for a threesome while shitfaced. Makes me feel very very VERY uncomfortable since this friend has also had an on/off ‘Thing’™️ for me most of our friendship. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the idea and she said “yeah I’m not in the mood anymore lol”

Which is not what I said. See what **I** said was “That makes me uncomfortable”

Which is a big difference from no longer being in the mood.

Now this girl, I’ve met her maybe 3 times I *think*. The first time I was also drunk so I don’t necessarily remember that, but my best friends girlfriend claims that she walked up to her and said “you have great tits” Ight. Second time was at a movie night for a friend who moved away which I didn’t really talk to her at a whole lot, and third time was a friends birthday party.

At THIS party shit was cool. Right? Like. It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t uncomfortable, it was chill. Cause she started this shit up AFTER the party. BUT- at this party there where these two guys I hadn’t seen for a loooonggg fucking time and I used to have a hugggeeee thing for them both back in high school. So I’m tryna slide in and make my grown move ya know?

And this bitch. Starts fighting. With the fuckin dude. That I am tryna cuddle up on! Bitch! Begone! Go find ya man! Or a girl! That’s not me!

Anyway so ya know he was like whatever I guess and so now all fucking three of us are cuddling on this damn couch, me on him and her on me. Whatever. Fine. It was cool and kinda funny then, but only because I didn’t fucking realize she was dead ass serious about wanting to kiss my face.

A few days after that party she hits me with the,

“Hey you know how you e had a crush on (B) for however long?”

“Um. No. No not really lol”

She opens that and doesn’t respond. I send a question mark. Open. No response. I ask (B) if she’s angry at me, he says no. A week later she responds

“I’m not mad lol I was drunk in the mood wanted to kno if u wanted a 3sm but nvm” ok. Weird. I’ve met you barely maybe 3 times.

I tell her that while I appreciate the offer, I do NOT become intimate with people I consider my friends. That is my one rule when it comes to dating or hook ups- if we have a legitimate friendship then you will never be an option. Which is what I’ve told her fucKING BOYFRIEND FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS but ok.cool.whatever.

St Pattys “party” small group, 10 or less.

As soon as I walk in the mother fucking door guess who screeches my name like a bat outta hell bruh. I appreciate the enthusiasm, I do. Truly. Seldom do I get people screaming my name in a good way. And while I do not consider this to be a good way, the .00000000000003 seconds it took for my brain to process what the fuck made that sound, it was nice. Then she shit talks my tie dye shirt, cause apparently neon green dye isn’t green enough, then pinches me so hard SHE BROKE THE FUCKING SKIN.

Then has the fucking audacity to say “oh she was so irritable to me at the party” bitch you put yo mother fuckin hands on me. You should be god damn grateful you still gotcha damn hands.

If this is the end to a nearly decade long friendship for a 3 month toxic borderline abusive relationship then so be it. I’m not going to put my self out to try and save something that someone else is willing to toss away. I’m not gonna do it. I’ve been doing it my whole fucking life and for the one god damn time that I decide “No” is in fact, a full sentence, is the one god damn time I get shit on for it.

No. You cannot out your hands on me.

No. I do not want to have sex with you or my close friend.

No. You cannot make inappropriate comments on your friends bodies to them or others simply because you are female.

No. You cannot touch my boobs or my butt or hold on to my waist or grind on me or try to kiss my neck.

No. I do NOT have to explain myself or my reasoning to you.

And No. I am not being a bitch for telling you no.

I am defining my fucking boundaries and you are reacting negatively to me doing so. And that is all I need to know that YOU are a person I do not need, want, or have any true desire to associate myself around.

[euphoriablogadjl]

Episode Three

The episode begins with a flashback to the childhood of Kat, revealing she went on a vacation in middle school and drank more than her fair share of virgin piña coladas. As a result she gained some weight, and her boyfriend broke up with her. In the present, Kat begins to cam and discovers her appeal as a dominatrix to self proclaimed “cash pigs”. Following this flashback, Jules tells Rue that if she doesn’t stop doing drugs she will no longer associate with her. Rue agrees, and leaves Jules for her NA meeting. A veteran of the group looks on suspiciously as Rue talks about her 60 day milestone that, by her omnipotent omission, proves falsely gained. Later that week, Jules continues to text the mysterious “Tyler” and tells Rue of her growing infatuation. As Rue departs from Jules’ house later that evening, she steals some of her father’s pills. She immediately bikes over to her NA meeting, where an NA veteran tells her that he can tell she isn't sober, and offers a meal if she ever wants to leave the drugs behind. Later on, Cassy leaves for a weekend at McKay’s frat initiation and Maddy discovers some suspicious pictures on Nate’s phone of multiple penises. Kat uses the money from her “cash pigs” to buy a new wardrobe. The next morning, Jules comes up to Rue during school and tells her of her plans to meet “Tyler” at a remote park after the coming carnival. Rue grows concerned, and tells her she thinks it is unnecessarily dangerous. Jules gets angry and storms off. After school, Rue goes over to Jules house and tells her she doesn’t want to argue anymore and suddenly kisses her. Believing her feelings aren’t reciprocated, she contacts her drug dealer for some pills to cope and he refuses. She panics and becomes belligerent, but once she realizes he will not comply, she leaves and calls the man from the NA meeting and asks about his previous meal offer.

This is the first episode of the season where it is explicitly outlined that Jules is indeed trans, and that Nate may be a closeted homosexual. As is highlighted in previous episodes, it is clear that Nate has a lot of internalized homophobia and his perspective juxtaposed with Jules’ very open one creates a kind of tug-of-war. Jules is unaware of Nate's identity as “Tyler” but the watcher is made aware of this fact almost immediately upon the onset of the relationship. This choice not only serves to create suspense for the sake of dramatic effect, but can easily begin a dialogue about the spectrum of sexuality in the scope of different family dynamics and society in itself. Jules is shown to have a great relationship with her father who encourages her to do as she wishes, whereas Nate has something of a hyper-masculine father that preaches his duty as a man while engaging in the same sexual inclinations as his son. Dually, Jules is very direct with the way she presents herself, and Nate is so far in the closet that it is hard for his own girlfriend to believe the evidence of it that she finds on his phone. Another interesting aspect of sexuality in the show is that of Kat. She begins her storyline with no sexual experience, and by the third episode is dabbling in her first experience as a dominatrix. At no point is this addressed in a shameful manner, in fact the undertones of her actions are presented in an empowering way. It’s uncommon, even today, for a person seen as sexually adventurous on any accord to not be shamed at least for the sake of the plot, but we see none of that in Euphoria.

I wouldn’t say that the main characters rely on stereotypes, in fact the diversity of the cast is acknowledged so little in the scope of the show that it may be considered a detriment. For all its positives, such as its manner of sex positivity and acceptance of gender fluidity, race isn’t much of a pressed upon topic. That’s not to say that its connotations aren’t present, simply that they aren’t addressed in as forward a manner as may do them justice. Therefore, it seems safe to assume that “whiteness” is the overarching norm of this show. The cast is more diverse than most, yet the interracial relationships within it aren’t given a platform to comment on any relevant issues. Cassy and Jules present themselves in a very feminine manner, which might play into the tropes they establish of being meek in relation to their sexual partners. Jules mentions when arguing with Rue about her choice to meet up with “Tyler” that she has been in many more dangerous situations involving one night stands with older men. Rue states that this doesn’t negate that she is putting herself in a compromising situation, to which Jules storms off. 

As far as gender goes, the entire cast defines themselves as either “male” or “female” throughout the course of the show. This particular episode is dominated by the female characters and their individual circumstances. Kat’s situation in particular stands as a unique perspective not often celebrated in modern television, an outlook from within the growing internet porn industry. With the establishment of sites like “OnlyFans”, many women have made money on their own terms without the overhead of a porn producer/director twisting their image. Kat serves as a relevant example of a woman in today’s society taking back her power as a Latinx woman and making money off an industry that has simultaneously exploited and blamed women of the past for their involvement in it.  

Euphoria’s undertone of drug addiction may seem to be a glamorization to some, but seems in all its bluntness to instead serve as an unforgiving reminder of the paths addiction can take someone. Jules’ assertion that she cannot be around someone that is using serves as a reminder of the sort of ostracization that can occur in otherwise happy relationships, and Rue’s adamant acknowledgment and then immediate violation creates a domino effect in the mind of the consumer about what exactly she may do next. Rue’s struggle as a drug addicted person is present throughout the show, but becomes especially poignant when seen through the eyes of her older NA counterpart, Ali. He immediately sees through her guise of sobriety and invites her to call him when she decides to sober up. While she only does this in a moment of crisis, it feels like a lifesaver in the face of what can come with drug addiction over the course of a lifetime. 

[fiorashreehan]

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