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elysiashelby · 4 years

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In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 11

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 8,081

WARNINGS: Angst, Alcohol Consumption, Cursing, Brief Mention of Intimate Situations (smut HINTED, like joke about), Sexual Harassment

Summary: It’s a few weeks after the season 1 finale, Aliena finds herself lost within the family dynamic and her place in the their world. She’s no longer a nanny to John’s kids, Finn is rebelling against school work, and she finds herself done with her cleaning- fairly quickly. How will she deal with this restlessness? How will she cope in a world that’s not her own?

MASTERLIST CHAPTER 10 CHAPTER 12

A/N: This chapter doesn’t have a lot of Tommy in it. This is the beginning of Aliena’s detachment from the Shelby Family. Thomas will be mentioned frequently, but he most likely have the bare minimum of involvement.

It’s been abar two weeks since Tom killed Billy Kimber. Everything is...different. I can’t put it into words. Me place within the family is undefined. Since John’s married, I’m no longer needed to take care of the kids. Now, I knew this but he and Esme made it official.

I wasn’t to be ‘round unless they called.

I understood. I mean Esme is a new wife and they are in their honeymoon stage. Going at it like rabbits. I felt bad for the kids. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I only see them when they come ‘round the house.

Luckily, they are warming up to Esme. There wasn’t any bad blood in the first place, but— you just never know when a new wife comes into the picture.

I was still teaching Finn, but since I didn’t have any other students, I was really grilling into him. He’s beginning to hate school even more. It’s just that I practically have nothing to do!

I don’t have to clean two places anymore. I just clean the main house and I kept on top of me tasks all the time, so that means I practically don’t have anything to do! That’s where Finn comes in. I assigned him more homework and reading, but he doesn’t want anything to do with it.

Especially after doing Kimber over, the boy idolizes Tom too much.

So, here I am at me special place just relaxing. Letting the wind go through me hair was always welcomed. I was just swinging and adamantly trying not to think. I took in me surroundings. But, that soon came to an end when I started to get nauseous.

I put me feet down and stopped. I didn’t get up, though. I just sat there, silently. I reach down and started running me hands through the tips of the grass. I sang to meself “I just want to be the one you love.” I sang ‘til even that gave me a headache.

I sighed and stopped singing. I sat up straight and hopped off the swing. I took two steps back and just appreciated the nice breeze. I tucked a piece of hair that was in me face and started walking back home.

It didn’t feel nice walking by meself for so long. I mean it was nice at first, but then I started getting paranoid. Worried that I would just get pinched off the side of the road. Only when me feet hit the familiar cobblestone, did I feel safe.

Safe under the Peaky Blinders’ protection. What if I’m no longer needed? Do they just give me money and send me on me way? Do I just go and mooch off of Cassie? I mean, technically, didn’t they have that right?

I stopped walking and took the time to massage me temples.

“Are you all right, love?” asked a concerned woman.

I picked up me head and put on a smile. It was fake, of course, but polite. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking.”

We exchanged smiles and nods and I went on me way. The second I wasn’t facing her, me smile fell. I was starting to feel lethargic again. That was also a bad sign.

By the time I reached the front door, I was feeling a lot of things at once. I was annoyed, tired, hungry, and lost. I sighed again while opening the door. It was probably abar six in the evening. I took the pins out of me hat and hung it up. Then, I had to put those same pins in me mouth as I took off me coat. I hung that up as well.

I took those pins from me mouth and placed them in a pocket in me skirt. I dusted off me hands and walked into the kitchen. I was gonna start making dinner. Decided shepherd's pie would do everyone some good.

As I was cooking Arthur came in. How did I know it was him, you ask? He brings along the stench of sweat and booze, of course.

“Whatcha cookin’ there, Ali?” Arthur asked before he took a seat down at the table. He took off his cap and smooth down his hair.

I smiled. “I’m cooking some shepherd’s pie.”

“Ah, thank fuck! When’s it gonna be ready?”

I shrugged. “Not long now. Are you gonna stay or do I need to hound you down like the rest of your family?”

He sniffed. “Nah, I’ll be in me office.” The chair scraped against the floor as he got up, and then he left the room.

I turned back ‘round and grumbled to meself, “So, I’m chasing ya down like the rest of them.” I took a step back and leaned on the table. I rubbed me forehead and exhaled audibly. Eventually, I sat down ‘til the scran was ready.

I got three plates, put two forks in me pocket, and cut out three slices for the family members I knew where in the shop. I took only two, though. Using me bum, I opened the doors to the shop and heard the bustling of men.

Not men looking to lay bets, but employees shifting to count up bets and such. I walked past them all. Esme was sitting at a desk as was Polly. I walked up to Polly.

“Dinner, Pol.” I said, rather monotone.

She looked up at me ‘n smiled. “Thank you, love. Leave it there.”

I nodded and set it down at the edge of her desk. As I took a fork out of me pocket, I asked. “Happen to know where Tommy is?” I set it on the plate.

She picked up her head again, but was gazing somewhere else in thought. Her finger pressed against her lip. “I think he’s doing some business. Talking up plans with the architect that’s designing the company headquarters. Better leave him a slice for him to get on his own. Don’t go chasing him at this time of night.”

I nodded and walked over to Arthur’s office while placing a fork on his plate. I knocked and he told me to come in.

“Here ya are!” I said as I placed his food beside him.

He made some breathy noise of excitement before saying, “About damn time. I was about to chew me arm and leg off. Thanks, Ali.”

A quick smile flashed on me face and I said, “Your welcome” before leaving. It turns out I had another slice to cut. So, I served John and Esme some dinner. Finn was out and abar. Polly said to just let him be. That he was being a child, so I just ate by meself at the kitchen table.

While I was eating, the phone was ringing off the hook. I rushed to it and answered.

“Hello, this is 6 Watery Lane?”

“A call from suite 226 at the Ritz Hotel. A Ms. Cassiopeia Johnson for Ms. Aliena Welsh. Do you accept?”

“Yes, I accept.”

“Connecting you now.”

I sighed and twirled me finger ‘round to wire.

“Ali! Are you free tonight?” Cassie shouted through the phone.

I clutched me forehead. “Yeah and every other night. Why?”

“Feel like going to a party?”

Me eyes widened and anxiety shot through me body. I looked ‘round as if I was going to get in trouble for ‘aving this conversation.

“I- uh. I’m not sure, Cass.”

She groaned exaggeratedly. “Come on, Aliena. You said it yourself, you have nights off now. So, let’s go to a party.”

I scoffed. “What kind of party?”

“Don’t worry! It’s casual. The girls and I are going down to the London clubs, and we wanted you to come. So, don’t wear any of those extravagant dresses Angie bought you. Wear something you can sweat in.”

I rolled me eyes while wearing a smirk. “Cass, you and me have different definitions of clothes we can sweat in, but yeah— I get your meaning. Okay, let me just make sure, okay? Stay on the phone.”

“Okay, hurry up.”

I left the phone off the hook and sped walked back into the shop. I walked up to Polly.

“Hey, Polly. Is it alright if I go out?”

Her head snapped up and her face contorted in confusion. “Go out? With who?”

“Me friends. Cassie, Angie, Tina. I’ve told ya abar them before.”

Her eyes darted from side to side then she nodded. “All right. Before careful, love, all right. Don’t be out too late. You get into any trouble call Tommy or the house. Be safe.” She stood up, smooth me hair down, and kissed me cheek.

I couldn’t help the grin on me face as I thanked her and ran back to the phone.

“She said yes! I’m gonna go get ready.”

Cassie squealed into the phone. “Yay! We are going to have so much fun!”

I hung up the phone and raced into me room. I slammed the door behind me and threw open me closet. I took out any “party” dresses that I had hung up.

I wanted to look absolutely breathtaking.

Between abar five different dresses, I decided on a navy blue dress. Your typical 1920’s design.

I quickly threw off me previous clothes and even me undergarments. I went to me drawers and found black stockings and a garter belt to match. I had to go through a different drawer to get a black bra. When I finished putting those on, I scrambled to stand in front of me mirror.

I had to back up a lot to see me whole body in it. I stared for a while. Looking for imperfections. I turned to me side and pinched me stomach. I had a little bump, but I didn’t find meself demeaning meself as usual. I felt...sexy.

I squealed at meself and bent over into meself. Me hair flying as I did so. After I had me little moment, I stood back up, me hair flipping back, and kept me hand over me mouth. I dropped it and went to put on the dress.

Once I had it on, I sat at me desk in front of me mirror and began to do me makeup. I went more for a blue smokey eye to match me dress. I didn’t add any contour or blush, but I added highlight and a pink nude lip. I blew meself a kiss and got up. I walked back to me closet and bent down to open the drawer at the bottom.

I picked out me black purse. I opened its doors and took out me four-inch black heels. I put them on and hiked the purse up me shoulder. Then, I was stuck waiting for Cassie’s honk.

As I waited, I kept brushing out me hair. I knew I would look like the odd women out with hair as long as mine, but I didn’t care. I liked how I looked. With me finger, I touched up me lipstick slightly when I heard that infamous honking.

A shit-eating grin spread across me face and I raced out the door. When I made it out the door, Cassie was standing there waiting for me.

We shrieked when we saw each other and ran into each other’s arms. We laughed as we swayed each other.

“Oooh, I’m so glad you decided to come.” Cassie sighed and pushed me back a little while maintaining our hug. “Look at you! Oh, Angie, Tina! Look at our baby. All grown up.”

She used me shoulders to guide me in front of the car. Angie clapped before bringing her hands over her mouth. Tina was just all smiles.

I was so hyped up that I couldn’t stop the ugly smile on me face. While fanning meself, I begged. “Guys, stop! Let’s just get this show on the road!”

I climbed into the car and Cassie followed suit.

Their hands were all over trying to inspect all of me outfit. I fought off their hands, eventually.

“Okay, okay, enough! Which club are we going to?”

Cassie looked at Angie as did Tina. Angie made eye contact with the both of them before she bugged out her eyes.

“What?” She shouted then sighed, defeatedly. “I mean, we can start with the one we frequent the most. It’s real nice there. Shiny.” Angie said that last part in a childish voice while looking at me.

I glared at her before grumbling, “Shut it.”

I may have disclosed me affliction for shiny things.

The rest of the ride was filled with mindless chatter. Just catching up with what has happened in our lives.

Tina shuffled over to me eventually and took me hand in hers. She was playing with me nails.

“How are things with you and Thomas?” She asked me softly. Her eyes flicked up to mine before looking back at me nails.

I hummed while sighing deeply. “Well, we’re not the same. He’s just so much busier now. It’s a win in itself that we’re not at odds with each other, but I wish it was like before Grace. We were so close. Well, I was closer to him than he was with any of his family members.” I leaned closer to her ear and whispered. “We slept in the same bed for Christ’s sake.”

She gasped while looking into me eyes, horrified.

I knew she wasn’t gonna take it well. I gave her a sheepish smile. “It was nothing indecent. I swear! Thomas has trouble sleeping because of the war. I put him to sleep while talking to him and sometimes he would talk to me too.” I looked off thinking abar all the moments we shared.

Tina said nothing for a while ‘til she asked. “So, are you two in a good place or not?”

I rolled me eyes. “If you’re looking for a direct answer then, yes. Yes, we’re in a good place.”

Her cheeks turned red and she gave me a sheepish smile. I softly scoffed.

The car stopped and we all hopped off. I followed them as they walked into the club. The doormen greeted them and opened the door for us.

Angie clapped her hands and turned toward me. “What are you drinking?” She asked me.

I shrugged me shoulders. “I’ll drink whatever youse drink.”

She rolled her eyes before she turned back ‘round and toward the bar. I mocked her expression as she walked away. Cassie linked me arms with hers and began to lead me to a table.

We sat down and I set down me purse. Cassie did the same, but dug through her purse for a ciggie. She propositioned me for one and I took one.

“Wow! Look at you!” Cassie said with her jaw dropped, a smile fighting for its place. “Just going all out tonight, are you?” She then cackled to herself.

I giggled at her as I held the stick between me teeth. I fished through me purse and found me lighter. I’m not familiar with the types of lighters, but if I had to describe this one— it would be a lift arm. I think it was anyway. There was a time where I did research types of lighters for a story, but I wasn’t expecting to remember on the fly.

Oh, how I miss the internet!

I flicked the wheel and inhaled. I pushed the arm back down, snuffing out the flame then tossed it on the table. I took the ciggie from me lips and let out the smoke.

“So,” I began to ask. “What do you guys usually do?” I looked ‘round saw people dancing, talking. The room was super loud. I was, in a way, used to it, but it hurt me ears at the same time.

The dances were so old, to me. They danced like animals, but I saw a couple of tangos. Some were doing the Charleston.

I would never experience modern clubs. Grinding against strangers and jumping like nobody was watching. Loud music pumping through speakers. Hell, club music! Electronic music, or for Christ’s sake— music with words! I would never get to listen to the music that got me blood pumping and made me feel like the most attractive woman in the room.

Cassie chuckled before she puffed out a cloud of smoke. “Well, first, we have a drink or two. To take off the edge, then we dance.”

I looked over at Tina who nodded and smiled. I scoffed playfully before blowing raspberries. Angie came over, a bottle and drinks in hand, and a ciggie hanging off her lips. Tina shot up from her seat and rushed to help her.

Cassie and I sneak a glance at each other. Though, in all honesty, the interaction was innocent. They distributed the drinks and I instantly went to drink when me hand was smack.

Angie had her eyebrows furrowed at me in a glare. I looked back at her confused.

“Let’s make a toast.” She announced over the blaring jazz music. “A toast for Aliena’s first outing!”

Everyone made mischievous smiles at me, I returned it with a mocking one as I tilted me head from side to side.

Cassie giggled. “May she drunkenly hook up with a stranger and forget all about Mr. Thomas Shelby.”

While I didn’t want Cassie’s toast to come true, exactly, I still clinked glasses with the lot of them. We, collectively, tipped our heads back and downed our glasses.

I groaned at the taste as did Tina. Angie and Cassie both whooped in excitement.

“More! More!” Cassie chanted as she grabbed the bottle and starting pouring us another round.

I took another puff of me ciggie. I could see I didn’t have many left. Left it burning for too long. I shrugged me shoulders as I took another inhale. I could always bum one off of them.

Two more glasses later, I was dragged to the dance floor by Cassie. I tried begging her to let me go, but she wouldn’t. I tried telling her that all I knew how to do was sway, but she said that she would teach me.

And, boy, did she try!

I swear I was getting it all wrong, but she was swearing that I was doing great.

Our hands were entwined and I shouted. “I’m not doing it right, Cassie!”

She shook her head as she brought me in so close that our lips were practically touching. “You’re dancing better than me. Stop thinking about it, Ali. Let yourself go.”

I wanted to. I really wanted to, but how could I lose meself to jazz music! How was I supposed to lose meself to jazz music?

I cringed. I literally cringed. I took a deep breath and cradled me forehead. “Cass,” I shouted. “Let’s get a drink, yeah?”

She pouted and her face contorted in frustration, but she followed me back to the table nonetheless. At said table, was Angie and Tina along with two new gentlemen friends. Angie looked like she was having a good time while Tina— not so much.

Angie noticed us first. “You guys are back already?” She asked.

Cassie nodded. “Yeah. Aliena wanted another drink.” Her tone, somewhat snappy.

I resisted the urge to roll me eyes as I grabbed the bottle and poured meself a glass.

I heard one of the men clear their throat. Angie sighed before announcing their presence. I gave them each a polite smile and nodded. I didn’t acknowledge them. They weren’t me type anyhow.

I tipped back abar two more drinks before I tapped Cassie’s shoulder and nodded back to the dance floor. Her face lit up in glee as she took me head and we ran to the dance floor.

I felt the booze lower me inhibitions. I listened to her words and let meself go. I was in a mix between the music in me head and the music that thundered in the club. I was in a mix between the dances Cassie taught me and the dances I knew from back home.

I ran me fingers through me hair and kept them as I swayed me waist. I let me hands roam me body as I did a body roll. I swayed me hips from side to side. I let me eyes flutter close and I embraced the music in me head.

I only stopped when I felt someone’s hand creep on me shoulder. I twirled ‘round to face the man who dared lay a hand on me.

He smirked and shouted. “Mind, if I joined you?”

I looked at him up and down then scoffed. “Fuck off!”

His eyes widened and he left. I watched him leave. I walked closer to Cassie and pulled her to me. She giggled and then I turned ‘round. I grabbed her hands and made them roam me body as I grinded into her.

Eventually, she got into the groove of it.

“Men are looking at us.” She whispered in me ear.

I smirked and reopened me eyes. I titled me head back and whispered into her ear. “Let them.”

We danced for a little while more. I could see and feel all of these eyes on us. I felt so ethereal yet scared at the same time. All it took was one macho man. One macho man to try and demand that either us are entitled to give him a dance.

So, with thought like that plaguing me mind— I stopped dancing and pulled Cassie back to the table.

I hadn’t even noticed that women were glaring at us as well ‘til we were walking back to our table.

We sat down while panting. I felt so hot. Angie chuckled at the sight of us.

“Where’s tweedle dee and dum?” I asked as I pinched a ciggie from one of their cases.

Angie scoffed. “Hopefully somewhere else. Fucking pricks!”

I inhaled as I lit it up. I knocked down the arm as I asked. “The fuck happened?”

Angie’s eyes darted to Tina’s, who was looking down at the table.

Tina sat up straighter and I could see her gulp. Her eyes kept shifting to me from the table. “The bastard put his hand up me dress.”

I felt rage surge me. I held me ciggie between two fingers as I shot up. Me hands slammed on the table. “Where’s the fucking bastard? I fuckin’ kill ‘em.”

Angie scoffed. “Calm down, Aliena. Already embarrassed them as much as I could.”

I looked over at Angie and gave her a satisfied smile. If it was Angie, then yeah— she made them wish they’d never been born.

Cassie stroked Tina’s arm before saying, “How about you and Angie go and have your turn on the dance floor. Ali and I will hold down the fort.”

Angie looked at Tina who just nodded. They got up from their chairs and walked onto the dance floor. I exhaled smoke through me nose and looked over at Cassie.

She smiled at me. “What was that? On the floor.”

I smirked. “I let myself go.”

She giggled while tipping her head back. “Now, if Mr. Thomas Shelby knew you could dance like that. I bet he would be the one on his knees for ya. Not the other way around.”

I chortled at that. The bad thing that once she said it, I could imagine it. I could see Thomas Shelby on all fours for me as I sat in his chair at his future office with me legs wide open. But the thing is, I didn’t want to be the one in control. It’s just a personal preference.

Cassie slid a glass to me and I happily took a drink. I tsked after.

Cassie was staring at me with this questionable look in eyes.

“What?” I asked with a giggle.

She squinted before sighing. “Why won’t you make the first move? You’re about to turn 18 and that woman isn’t in the picture anymore. Why not just,” She began to flail her hands ‘round herself. “Make the first move!”

I glanced away as I thought abar how to answer her. I sat up straighter and rested me back against the chair. “I won’t ever make the first move because I’m afraid of rejection. I’ve been rejected by all the males in my life that I have asked out. In my mind, I can’t convince myself that he will be different. Why? Because I’m shielding myself from feeling that embarrassment and sadness that would come from a rejection.

Plus, like you said. Grace isn’t in the picture anymore, but that was like two weeks ago, Cassie! If he accepted me right now, I wouldn’t be able to perceive that other than him using me to be his rebound.”

I took the ciggie from me lips and titled me head back as I exhaled. Then, I picked up me glass and downed it.

Cassie tapped the table with her fingernail before sighing and looking away. I started bobbing me head to enjoy meself. Cassie’s face contorted into something devilish. I squinted me eyes in suspicion.

“What’re you looking at?” I turned ‘round and saw two men sitting at the bar. Me eyes widened and I just zipped back ‘round. I shook me head. “You better not even-!”

It was too late as I saw the shit-eating grin on her face as she looked at me. I blew raspberries while rolling me eyes.

His name was Christian and he was an accountant. He was attractive, for sure. But, we weren’t hitting it off like that. I pretended to be engaged, but anything he was saying was going in one ear and out the other.

I nursed me bevvy as I dragged me fingertip along the rim of the glass. When I picked up me head ‘n saw Angie and Tina walking back with more than a pep in their step, I swear I thanked God.

“Hey!” I shouted while effectively cutting off the dude. “How was it? Your feets aching yet?”

Angie scoffed before her tipped toward Christian. She stared at him even harder while arching her neck forward. “Can you get up? You see women coming back from the dance floor and you don’t give your seat up! What kind of man are you?”

I looked away as I slapped me hand over me mouth. The guy stuttered and scrambled out of the chair. Angie just held up her hand and began collecting her stuff.

“I, for one, am tired of this place. Let’s go, girls.” Angie announced.

‘Say less.’ I thought.

I already had me stuff in me purse, so I got up and shuffled toward Tina. I stroked her arm and asked. “Are you alright, hun?”

She nodded while hiking up her purse on her shoulder. “Just want to get out of here. Too many eyes.”

I looked ‘round and sure enough, she was right. Some men had the balls to keep on looking. I rolled me eyes as it contorted in disgust.

“Yeah, we’ll leave soon.”

Cassie flirted with that guy ‘til we left. She groaned exaggeratedly as she raked her fingers through her hair. “What the fuck, guys? I was still talking to him.”

I scoffed. “Don’t worry, Cass. I’m sure you’ll find someone else to satisfy you at the next bar.”

Angie nodded. “Yep. Looks like scum raided that bar tonight.”

By the end of the night, I was a fucking mess. I was stumbling ‘round and me speech was slurred. I was conscious of everything. I felt like it anyway, but something was telling me that I would forget bits and pieces in the morning.

Oh! Cassie did indeed get her scratch itched. She had sex in the restroom. We cheered and laughed at her for it. Turns out that Tina and I were more alike than I originally thought. Though, I believe the reason for that was because neither of us were on the prowl. Angie and Cass, on the other hand, were.

So, right now, Cass was giving me a ride back home.

I stuck me head out of the car and let the wind whip through me hair. I howled while extending me arm out. I could hear giggles in the car. When I felt content, I went back into the car. I draped over Angie and rested me head on her shoulder. I was sitting on me knees, so it worked.

I smiled, drunkenly. Angie stroked me face and whispered. “You are so beautiful. Like so beautiful. It kills me that you’re stuck in that dump of a home. If you were born into me own world, you’d be sought out by all the lords and their sons.”

I psh-ed her words while hiding me face in her arm. “Why, thank you! I think you’re quite stunning yourself.”

“Marry rich, Aliena. So, we can see each other all the time.”

We stared into each other’s eyes for a while. ‘Til I broke it by smiling and cackling. She joined in on me laughter.

The car had to stop eventually and when it did— they wouldn’t let me go!

I let all me weight go as I tried to get out of their grasps. “Let me go, you wenches!”

Cassie aw-ed. “Stay with us, Ali. Just come back into the car and sleep over!”

Tina, who was very fucking bladdered, chimed in. “Yeah, stay with us, Ali!”

I giggled while tipping me head back. “No!” I shouted. “I have work tomorrow!”

Their grip on me, eventually, loosened and I fell back on me arse. I laughed and moaned from the pain as me hand sluggishly went to soothe the pain. They laughed while crashing into each other.

“Fuck off ‘n go home!” I shouted while waving them off.

With ungraceful movements, Angie closed the car door as the other two fell back into the car. I stumbled to get back on me feet and opened the door.

I sighed and looked ‘round. It was fucking dark and nobody was there. I didn’t take a coat, so I just hung up me purse. I tried to bend over and take off me heels, but I ended up leaning forward ‘n had to catch meself.

I giggled at me actions. Then, I heaved a big sigh and raised a fist to me forehead as I winced in discomfort. I crashed into the wall on me left and debated whether or not I wanted to go into the kitchen for water ‘n bread.

I burped loudly which caused me hand to fly over me mouth and then I chuckled. But, then that feeling contorted into something bad. I ran over to the sink and held me hair back as I vomited into the sink.

I coughed and gathered all the spit in me mouth and spat it out a couple of times. I groaned as I slumped to the side.

I’m so fucking tired!

I coughed a few more times as I turned on the faucet. I let the water wash away me vomit and I scooped some water to wash away the taste in me mouth. When I was done, I stumbled back into the living room and threw meself on the couch.

I got comfortable and fell asleep.

“For fuck’s sake, Aliena.” I heard someone say. I groaned and refrained from opening me eyes. I didn’t want to fucking wake up right now!

Then, I felt someone pick at the hem of me dress and suddenly, me lower half was warmer. Not a second later, arms were under me knees and neck. I furrowed me eyebrows and whined in annoyance.

They started shushing me ‘n telling me to go back to sleep. However, against their wishes— me eyes fluttered open. It was Tommy. I couldn’t stop the smile on me face from happening and as I attempted to snuggle into his chest.

“Warm.” I muttered.

He shushed me again and repeated himself.

I could feel the both of us jolt as he walked upstairs. I tried falling back to sleep, but felt like that wasn’t becoming a possibility.

Slowly, with me hand, I hovered it over his cheekbone. He looked down at me. I stared into his eyes and whispered. “So pretty.” His facial expression didn’t change.

He just repeated himself yet again before he began to walk again. I let me hand drop and I closed me eyes. I tried focusing on the sound of his breath and the way his chest rose and fell.

I let him lay me in bed and tuck me in. As he turned ‘round to leave, I shot me hand out and grasped his wrist. “Stay with me?” I asked.

Tommy looked down at me hand and slowly, he backtracked and sat down next to me. A grin broke out on me face. I tried getting comfortable all while trying to cuddle with him, but it was too awkward since all I would be doing is putting me face near his arse.

Tommy cleared his throat then said something. Me eyes fluttered open and I hummed questioningly.

“Move over.” He repeated. And so, I did.

Tommy laid down next to me and I, immediately, cuddled into his side. I didn’t even give him time to properly lay his arm ‘round me shoulders. I just sought out to comfort of his scent and warmth.

I felt his torso shake with laughter, but no sound came out.

“Now, go back to sleep, Ali.”

I was able to follow through on that order that time.

When I woke up, me head was pounding, there was this god awful taste in me mouth, and I had light sensitivity. I groaned and held me head as I slowly got up. I held me head up as me elbows rested on me knees.

Then, I looked to me side. There was a note on me nightstand. I grabbed it and read it.

‘Take it easy today. - Thomas’

I rolled me eyes, but I was actually brimming with happiness on the inside.

‘So, that wasn’t a dream.’ I thought.

I got to me feet and worked on getting dressed for the day. I settled for a fuzzy, grey long-sleeved shirt, a blue pleated skirt, and stockings. These ones went all the way up to me waist. When I was done, I trudged over to me desk and worked on getting last night’s makeup off.

I’m such a better beaut! I had to use so many cotton balls and wipes. I sighed as I covered me face with me hands. I spread me hands and looked at meself in the mirror. I stretched down me face before letting it go. I let me left arm fall and I laid me head down on it.

I desperately did not want to go downstairs. But, I have a fucking job to do! I whimpered before getting up and slipping on boots. After that, I made me way downstairs.

As I turned into the kitchen, I should have known Polly would have been there. Sipping away at her mornin’ cuppa tea. She looked at me through hooded eyes. I looked away before looking back at her.

She set her cup down and leaned forward in her seat. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me how your night was?”

The only thought that went through me mind was, ‘Thank fuck!’

For several nights in a row, me nights have been nothing but partying. I’ve been getting up with a hangover from the night before, finishing me duties, making dinner, eating dinner, getting ready to go out, and then Cassie would pick me up.

When I left, I would drink so much that anything would fly out of me mouth as slurs and I was stumbling into people. Then, I would be dropped off home and luckily, I have been making it to me room. Oh, but first. I would vomit in the sink, or eat bread and drink water. So far it’s been a 50/50 chance for either.

Right now, I was dancing with a bottle in me hand by meself. Being drunk and dancing was freeing. I wasn’t thinking for once and I was just letting go. I didn’t have to worry abar who I was within the Shelby clan. I wasn’t overthinking every interaction I had with everybody I came across. I wasn’t obsessing over Thomas fucking Shelby.

I brought the bottle to me lips and took a swig. Cassie looked over at me and stumbled toward me, and I did the same. With me free hand, I cradled the back of her head and brought her forehead to meet mine.

“Are you having fun?” She asked me over the blaring music.

I nodded while gigglin’. “Yeah, what about you?”

She nodded too before stealing me bottle away. I protested and reached for it, but she stomped away. She couldn’t exactly manage a run, right now. I spluttered at the sight. When I stood up straight, I felt someone place their hands on me hips.

I didn't have to look behind meself to know it was some fella.

“Want some company, love?” He asked me.

I pondered it for a while before I decided on me answer. “I’m only lookin’ to dance. You got that?”

As he chuckled, I could feel his chest vibrate. “Sure, love.”

I rolled me eyes and started to dance to me own music. When I felt something hard press up against me arse, I pushed him away and started walking away. He tugged me back.

“Oi, slag. Finish what you started.” He shouted in me face.

I scoffed before stomping on his foot and kneeing his crotch. “You have a hand, use it!” I yelled as he doubled over. I shoved him to the ground and walked away.

I was instantly smothered by hands.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you just did that! You just did that!” Angie exclaimed.

“That was so fucking awesome. Look at you, bad-ass!” Cassie shouted.

Tina just had this big-arse smile on her face.

I laughed while shaking me head. “I’m glad youse enjoyed it, but unless he came here alone— we need to leave.”

We shuffled to our table, got our stuff and left. The night breeze whipped through our hair. I was falling into Cassie and Tina as we walked side by side.

I groaned exaggeratedly before shouting, “Should we just go to the flat? De’ fuckin’ weirdos are out tonight!”

Cassie cackled. “Maybe it’s because your dancing is driving men wild.”

I scoffed while pivoting me hip toward her. “I don’t give a fuck abar what they see. I’m not there to satisfy them. I’m ‘aving a fuckin’ dance.”

“So, you won’t make the first move, but you don’t want men to make the first move on you either… How does that work?” Tina quipped.

I craned me neck toward her before glaring at her. “Okay, Tina! Some liquid courage, right now, huh? No, I’m playing! I don’t know how it works, but it’s gonna be up to me if I want to give them me time. Okay? Okay.”

Angie snapped her fingers before saying. “Exactly! Exactly! Anyway, Ali’s right. Let’s head to the flat.” She hailed a taxi and we all got it.

I left the window open and leaned me head against it. That was ‘til Angie made me shut it. I blew raspberries at her, but did it anyway.

It didn’t take that long to reach the hotel and Angie paid. I was too busy walking up the steps. I saw the familiar doorman.

“Good evening, Ms. Welsh.” He greeted me. Mr. Wilson was an older man in his late 40s. That’s all you have to remember.

“Evening, Wilson.” I flashed him as smile and walked through the door he held open for me. I stumbled straight to the elevator and saw that I was walking way ahead of me friends.

I groaned while tipping me head back. The met me eventually and when the liftman spoke, I jumped. I didn’t notice that he was in here.

Cassie had to practically drag me out of the things since I had snoozed off. We were all full of cackles and giggles as we stumbled to Cassie’s flat. Once the door open and I crossed the threshold, I groaned extra exaggeratedly.

Angie shouted at me to shut up. I ignored her and worked on taking off these fucking devil heels. I threw them out of sight, out of mind then launched meself onto the bed.

“Open a bottle!” I chanted. “Open a bottle!”

When I heard the pop of a bottle, I cheered and flung meself back up. Cassie, Tina, and Angie were all sitting at the table. I trudged over to it and sat down rather unlady like.

I took the pins out of me hair and shook it out while throwing them on the table.

“So, Aliena, why did you turn down that man?” Angie asked.

I shrugged me shoulders. I didn’t expect her to be the one to ask that. “Didn’t feel like he was the one. Yaknow?” I reached for the glass of wine she’d just poured me and sipped it.

“Who will be the one?” Cassie quipped as she drank some of her wine.

Me gaze snapped toward her and I said without hesitation. “Perhaps it could be you.”

She as well as Tina spluttered. I smirked, victorious.

I sighed. “Why are you all so concerned with me love life so much? If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Right now, I’m not looking for meaningless sex nor am I looking to be in a relationship.” I realize that I didn’t say those words with perfect clarity, but— perhaps I did at the same time.

Tina cleared her throat. Everyone’s head turned to her.

“Because… Because we want to see you happy as the baby in the group.”

I blinked a couple of times as did everyone else apparently ‘cause once the three of us made eye contact with each other, we started cackling. I mean this was some heavy cackling. The kind that would embarrass you if your significant other heard it.

“No, but seriously— she’s right.” Cassie said through pants.

I sobered up real quick.

Angie continued. “Yeah. Look, this Thomas Shelby doesn’t seem like the kind of guy for you. I mean, hasn’t he made you cry like more than ten times, already? You don’t even want to find out if he likes you back. Why don’t you just find someone new?”

I blinked slowly as I tried to process what they said. I shook me head and muttered. “I’m gonna head to the loo.”

I closed the door behind me and stumbled to the sink. I was holding meself up on the sink and I looked up at me reflection. I took in a loud shuddering breath.

They didn’t understand. Tommy wasn’t a bad person, he was just ambitious. They don’t know abar his affectionate side like I do. The Tommy who joked and smiled with me at night. That Tommy was mine to adore on sleepless nights. The Tommy that makes me cry is very real, but it’s not even his fault. It’s mine.

It’s me who’s a coward. I already told them me reasons for not confronting him abar me feelings, why can’t they just accept that. I don’t want to have a bunch of one-night stands that’s not me! Why are they pushing me to do it when they don’t even do that to Tina? Is it because I’m a virgin?

I choked as I exhaled and wiped me eyes. I looked up at me reflection again and saw that I now had raccoon eyes. I blinked quickly while groaning to meself. The mascara was stinging me eyes. I opened the cabinet and scavenged for Cassie’s makeup remover items.

I’m not going to hold on to Tommy forever. I knew that in me heart. I had too precious of a goal to do that shit. Plus, the choice will be made for me in two years time. If Tommy knocks up Grace, that is. If he does, then I’m done. He loved her and only her. I have no right in the matter nor am I gonna kick up a fuss. I’m just glad to be in their lives.

I cherished his character for so long and so intensely that I actually managed to be “transported” to the Peaky Blinder Universe. Even if I don’t end up with him, this is still an excellent shot at life. I know things abar the future that will help me descendants. As ugly as this is, I can make a profit out of ideas that were invented in me timeline.

Me future doesn’t have to be completely uncertain anymore.

But no one can ever understand that. Not Cassie, Angie, Tina, Polly, or even Tommy could understand. I can plan me future with almost 100% guarantees that it will be a success.

It’s so tiring, though. I’m so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. I have to remember lie after lie after lie.

I heaved for air as I slid down the sink. There was a knock at the door.

“Aliena, are you all right in there?”

I nodded, even though they couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just need some time alone, please.”

“Okay.” Cassie said with a shaky voice.

I’m not upset at them. I’m upset with the truth their words held. I needed to get over Thomas Shelby. I knew that better than anyone. But, I was gonna do it me own way. Nobody can do it for me. I’m gonna do it at at me own time, nobody is gonna plan it for me.

I got up and wiped the tears that fell. I crawled over to where the toilet paper was, rolled some ‘round me hand and blew me nose. I threw it away and finally stood up. I walked back into the room where they all stared out me.

I pointed to the bed and whispered that I was going to sleep. They acknowledged it and I did as I said I was going to do.

I knew better than anyone that I shouldn’t be in love with Thomas Shelby. That he could get me killed, cheat on me, or ya know— create a toxic relationship. But, I didn’t see us as that. That’s what we were like on the surface. There’s unspoken words that are exchanged between us, always.

I knew he wasn’t good with words or actions because of the war and the business empire he wants to build. Do I get caught in the crossfire sometimes? Yes. Does me mental health suffer because of it? Yes, of course, it does! I’m human and a very emotional one at that!

I knew that some people think that Thomas Shelby was an absoulte arsehole and he is, but I saw why he was like that. I understood it. I would be that way too. I am that way. I do harbor similar feelings, but I also don’t want to be in a leadership position. I don’t want that dominance that Tommy does.

And, he does crave it.

I can’t fix him just like he can never fix me. But in my heart of hearts, I knew he may be the only one who understood these dark thoughts of mine just like I did his. But sometimes that isn’t enough.

I knew people like him craved an innocent partner at times. Not innocent in nature, but in their actions. They see the good in people, they’re optimists. A “low-born” man who is fascinated with a “high-born” woman because of her naive feisty nature.

I wasn’t any of that. I saw the worst in people. I consider meself a realist, but I’ve been called a pessimist. I was born from a middle-class family. And while I am bratty, yes, bratty. I’ve been labeled this by too many friends and family members to try downplaying me character now. I just want to feel safe. I want warmth. I want someone to hold me and tell me that everything’s alright.

I sniffled and wiped me nose.

Truth is, right now, I’m in limbo. I’m surrounded by people who have good intentions but I’m feeling more depressed than ever.

TAG LIST: @amirahiddleston @nemesis729 @salvatoreitmeanssaviour @tlfshelby1 @halepea @lilymurphy03 @marsfireeyes @masumiyetimziyanoldu

#thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby angst #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby x oc #in another world #Peaky Blinders #peaky blinders imagine

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bulkyphrase · 3 years

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Everybody & the Avengers Team

I've got a new fic rec list for you!

The stories in the "X & the Avengers Team" tags focus on one person's relationship to the Avengers team as a whole. Courtesy of AO3's tag browse and Excel, here's a ranked list of the top 20 most popular pairings:

Tony Stark | 2470 total, 240 OTP

Peter Parker | 2255 total, 85 OTP

Steve Rogers | 602 total, 56 OTP

Loki | 387 total, 26 OTP

Natasha Romanov | 308 total, 35 OTP

Clint Barton | 268 total, 46 OTP

Bruce Banner | 244 total, 15 OTP

Thor | 209 total, 7 OTP

Avengers Team | 174 total, 24 OTP

James "Bucky" Barnes | 156 total, 7 OTP

Wanda Maximoff | 143 total, 4 OTP

Phil Coulson | 105 total, 9 OTP

Darcy Lewis | 91 total, 6 OTP

Matt Murdock | 60 total, 8 OTP

Sam Wilson | 53 total, 5 OTP

Nick Fury | 41 total, 5 OTP

Harry Potter | 40 total, 0 OTP

Pepper Potts | 31 total, 1 OTP

Vision | 29 total, 2 OTP

Stiles Stilinski | 25 total, 0 OTP

In chart form, if you like charts:

Notes:

The numbers after the names are the number of stories tagged with that ship. OTP means the number of stories where that is the only relationship tagged on the story. Numbers are accurate as of July 2021.

Story Recommendations

For your reading pleasure, included below is at least one fic rec for each pairing except the crossovers from non-Marvel fandoms (apologies to Mr. Potter & Mr. Stilinski). Most are gen fic, and even in the ones with a romantic pairing, romance is not the focus.

Tony Stark

As Subtle As Cognitive Recalibration by petroltogo (Teen, 8949) tumblr: @tonystarktogo

Standing inside his penthouse, listening to Rogers, Barton and Banner explain to Fury how they just happened to stumble over the Tesseract on a routine security check of Stark Tower’s roof and wouldn’t you know, they’ve managed to fight off the looming alien invasion before it could really start and secure the missing overpowered nightlight is one of the most surreal situations Tony has ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

Peter Parker

the worst field trip ever by shrill_fangirl_screaming (Teen, 3420) tumblr: @i-am-having-an-emotion

"We're on a field trip," Peter said. "To here. And Tony decided to be our tour guide and absolutely embarrass me, so can you please help get him under control?"

Which is how Peter Parker, architect of his own destruction, ended up with not one but two superhero pseudo-dads being annoying on his school field trip.

Steve Rogers

Do You Remember Being Happy? ('Cause I Sure Don't) by GalaxyThreads (Teen, 11022) tumblr: @galaxythreads

That seems about right. He doesn't know how he knows that, though. He does have vague memories of an annoyed fondness at finding peanut butter in some sort of jam. Thor's doing, because he doesn't see the point of using two knives when one works just as fine. He knows that. How does he know that? He knows all those little details, though, almost innately. How can he know these strangers so deeply?

Everyone else below the cut!

Loki

Proprietary by TheThirdMarauder (Teen, 7639)

No, Loki simply wants the Avengers conquered. The details of whom, how, and when matter not. Unless, of course, said details interfere with Loki's plans. Then, well, then none can fault him for protecting his own interests.

Loki has always been exceptionally good at lying to himself.

Natasha Romanov

What Girls Are Made Of by enigma731 (Teen, 4613) tumblr: @enigma731

She rolls her eyes but does as he’s indicated, using his shoulders to leverage herself up onto his back, her arms around his neck and her legs hugging his waist.

“You know,” he says blithely, “this isn’t really what I tend to picture when I think of a hot girl riding me.”

Natasha groans, deciding that if his sense of humor gets them arrested, she’ll kill him herself. “Just go.”

Clint Barton

Dear Clint Barton (circa age 7) by pollyrepeat (Teen, 4221)

With a normal person, this might count as blackmail material, but a) this is a case of mutually assured destruction if ever there was one, and b) Fury is immune to embarrassment. Not just in the regular, Tony Stark way, either, oh no. Things that could possibly end up being embarrassing to Fury get somehow warped and changed until they go from mortifying all the way over into useful and/or good for his image. It’s like a superpower.

Carrying Clint’s small child self around on his shoulders more than once has probably already hit the interagency rumour mill as an example of Fury’s innate awesomeness: good with rocket launchers and small children.

Also available as a podfic!

Bruce Banner

They're Not Wrong by Trumpeteer34 (Teen, 10163)

As Tony began to pace around the hole in the road to keep himself from shooting repulsors at the nearby buildings in a fit of rage, Thor began to study the nearby area. There was no sign of either the Hulk or Bruce Banner beyond the crater. The surrounding area, aside from the rubble of the fight, held no clue as to their friend’s location.

“Guys, he’s gone,” Tony growled into the communicator on their private line, drawing Thor out of his darkening thoughts. “Someone tranqed him and took him. He’s gone.”

Honorary mention goes to the Responsible Science series by @letteredlettered - the stories don’t have the "Avengers Team & Bruce Banner" tag, but they could, and they are amazing. The best Bruce Banner writing I've ever come across.

Thor

Fortunately, I Am Mighty by onward_came_the_meteors (General, 3062)

Steve was the first one to speak. “Are you okay?”

Thor nodded. Which was a bad idea, as it turned out, because now there were little gray lights flashing in front of his eyes. “I’m fine.” Absolutely everyone narrowed their eyes, and he added, “But, uh. Could we possibly not get back in the car just yet?”

Avengers Team

Civil Wasn't by onward_came_the_meteors (General, 7123)

"We're having an ideological conflict here," Tony stated with disbelief. "Are you telling me you still want to go out to dinner?"

"It's a standing engagement, Tony," Rhodey reminded him.

"Not you too—"

"We already had to reschedule from Friday when Natasha was..." Rhodey frowned. "What were you doing?"

The question was directed toward Natasha, who shrugged and said, "Spy stuff."

James "Bucky" Barnes

You Know How I Feel, aka, The Adventures of Bucky and Muffy the Dinosaur by ifeelbetter (Not Rated, 4511) tumblr: @ifeelbetterer

“As you may have heard, Bucky Barnes, a.k.a. The Winter Soldier, recently rescued a tiny part-robot dinosaur during the Avengers’ battle with Dr. Doom in Antarctica,” the other newscaster explained. “Pictures of Barnes and the dinosaur were posted on twitter by fellow Avenger, Clint Barton, a.k.a. Hawkeye, and immediately made Barnes’s new pet America’s sweetheart.”

“Her name’s Muffy,” said Steve."

Wanda Maximoff

and the woman was young again by Mira_Jade (General, 3669)

Tony Stark called them the Cap's Kooky Quintet, and sometimes the term amused her – causing her to lift a sardonic brow where someday a smile would truly smile. She enjoyed the presence of comrades – true comrades – and she enjoyed the way their minds wove and bound together about each other to fluctuate against her senses as one. There was something soothing about being in their midst, and even when their loud and brash ways – their painful Americaness - rubbed her raw and drained on her, it was ever the knitting of their minds that soothed those moments over, and made them inconsequential.

Phil Coulson

Coulson's First Day of School by storiesfortravellers (Teen, 3055)

Coulson looked up at him. “I like drawing pictures with Mr. Rogers. I like having tea parties with Ms. Potts. I like it when Dr. Banner reads me books, and I like it when Natasha teaches me things. And I like when you play with me. You do really good voices when we play action figures. And you’re the only one who lets me do stuff like jump off the high diving board at the pool or eat three cupcakes or play tackle with kids at the park.”

Clint didn’t realize that. He was pretty sure that meant that he was doing something wrong.

Darcy Lewis

Beginner Yoga for Dummies (Darcys) and Sad Hobos by chailover (Teen, 3434)

Darcy had a theory: crazy attracted crazy, working kind of like gravity. It was pretty much her explanation for her life after Thor. And if she had thought the type of crazy Thor attracted was bad, be it Loki or the Warrior Three and Sif, or the dark elves and the Convergence, it was still nothing against what the Avengers manage en masse.

Matt Murdock

Double Blind by smilebackwards (Teen, 2381) tumblr: @smilebackwards

Stark snaps his fingers. “You can’t see half of my inventions. This explains so much about you and why you’ve never been properly impressed by me.”

“Does it?” Matt says, ambiguously.

Sam Wilson

Bystander by scribblemetimbers (Teen, 52029)

“I just want you to know,” Sam says loudly, cautiously raising his hands, “That I’m very poor and very sleep-deprived and literally the only thing you can kill me for right now are my notes.” He pauses. Wait. On second thought: “Please don’t steal my notes.”

“I’m not—I’m not a mugger,” Not Mugger rasps out, and for all that he looks about to keel over and die, the man actually manages to sound offended.

Nick Fury

Bedtime Story by dixiehellcat (Teen, 2532) tumblr: @deehellcat

Fury snorted. “I have to check in with the duty officer. I’ll be back in, let’s say twenty minutes. I expect all of you to have whatever your pre-bedtime routines are completed, and be in here pajama’ed and ready to be read to.”

He tapped the book under his arm, then left with the usual dramatic swish of his long coat. Bruce scratched his head. “Did…he just say be ready to be read to?”

Pepper Potts

Pepper and the Avengers (Which She Knows Nothing About) by rebelmeg (General, 6696) tumblr: @rebelmeg

The Avengers, that mismatched group of hurt and heroism, was one of the most important things in Tony Stark’s life. So, naturally, Pepper had made them an important part of her life too.

Vision

039. Intoxicated by aimmyarrowshigh (Teen, 100) tumblr: @aimmyarrowshigh

It might be nice to fit in, just this once. To lose a bit of composure.

Vision floated over to the refrigerator and, with some timidity, pulled off a magnet. He stuck it to his forehead.

#marvel fic rec

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im-actually-ok · 4 years

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Fangs

Chapter two

First, next

Masterlist

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Ships: Platonic DLAMPR

Word Count: 1336

Genre: Semi angsty i think?

Warnings: Fangs, very slight body horror(the fangs), food, eating, sleep deprivation, fighting, yelling, all caps, slight swearing, mention of tying someone up for info (Remus), Remus being Remus. (i think that’s it but if i missed anything please let me know so i can add it, thank you!!!)

-----

Logan fixed his tie and sighed, looking at himself in the mirror. He /really/ didn’t want to do this. He had stolen some of Virgil’s makeup to cover his dark eyebags but Virgil was paler than Logan so the concealer didn’t look quite right but it was close enough. He had prepared more conversational flashcards and had fixed his hair and cleaned up his disheveled appearance but he honestly was not ready to meet the others for dinner, especially since his problem was in his mouth.

No matter how hard he tried to get rid of his fangs they wouldn’t go away, they had actually seemed to be getting sharper, the amount of times he had bit the insides of his cheeks was insane.

The worst part is they now caused him to lisp slightly as he spoke, which was annoying of course but the others would definitely notice if he spoke to them with a lisp, even if he covered his mouth. ‘Why does this have to be so difficult?’ he thought with a small sigh. He ran a hand through his neatly brushed hair and took a deep breath. Here we go.

For the first time in weeks he left his room, walking down the hall and down the stairs, entering the living room to see the others there, waiting for him at the table, talking, but they sounded… nervous?

He stayed up on the stairs, trying to listen in on their conversation.

“He /growled/ at me the other day! Actually growled!” Roman exclaimed in a hushed voice.

Patton was the next to speak, “we just.. We just have to talk to him, obviously something is wrong.”

“Have you ever even met Logan?? He’s not going to tell us the truth about what’s going on, he’ll just say he’s fine and continue to shut us out,” Virgil said with an annoyed huff.

“Grim Burton is right, we need to be sneaky about this,” Roman replied, “let’s just see how dinner goes, everything will be fine,”

“Have you ever thought about, oh, I don’t know, leaving Logan alone? I know I would absolutely /love/ it if all my friends went behind my back to plan ways to get me to spill my secrets,” Janus hissed, rolling his eyes at the others

“Seriously guys, lets just go with my suggestion of-”

“Remus we are not going to tie him down for answers.”

“You’re all no fun.”

He listened to them bicker and talk about him behind his back until he had enough. He walked down the remainder of the stairs and everyone went quiet.

“Logan! Hey, kiddo!” Patton said with an enthusiastic yet nervous smile

Logan simply nodded in response, coming and sitting at the table in his usual spot between Janus and Virgil and across from Roman

After an awkward moment of silence, Roman spoke up, “Uhh, me and Padre made pasta and salad and stuff, you know, healthier choices and stuff, I-I’ll go make up everyone’s plates,” he said, standing and moving to get the food.

Great. Soft food. Not like Logan could eat any of it, softer foods have been proven harder to eat with the fangs seeing as they’re designed for meat. Not like he could eat anything anyways, not without opening his mouth and risking them seeing…

Roman came, serving up each different plate and bringing it to the table, setting them down in front of the others and eventually in front of Logan who didn’t say a word. Roman swallowed nervously and continued to sit back down with an anxious chuckle, “uhh, bon appetit?”

Logan picked up his fork and for a hopeful second they thought he might eat, but then he continued to simply poke and prod at the food on his plate, eyes down as his glasses slid down his nose and were promptly pushed back up into place.

“So, uh, how is it, Lo?” Roman asked after a good five minutes of silence even though all of them knew that he hadn’t taken a bite.

Logan simply pulled out a flashcard that said ‘Lit, adj. Amazing, cool, or exciting’

“Oh, back at it with the flashcards, huh? When are we going to hear that beautiful voice of yours again, teach?” Virgil asked when he saw but Logan gave him a look that made the other shrink back and mumble a “geez, sorry,” and pull his hood up over his head.

“Now, Logan, don’t get upset with Virgil just for asking to hear you speak,” Patton said in a sterner parental voice which earned him the same look from Logan that he had given Virgil.

Logan rolled his eyes, standing and turning to get something from the fridge where they were unable to see him speak, “I am thimply not in the thpeaking mood, thank you very much,” he said, opening the fridge and grabbing the orange juice

“But you haven't spoken to any of us in for forever, Microsoft nerd,” Roman said, moving to stand, “And now you’re here at dinner, not eating and not saying a word, what are we supposed to think?”

A low growl started to grow in Logan’s throat as he stayed, facing away from them, “I would thay you’d think to mind your own busineth,” He growled, a lisp creeping into his words, grip tightening around the carton in his hand.

“Now, Kiddo, there’s no need to be rude,” Patton reprimanded.

“Logan we just totally /don’t/ want you to talk to us,” Janus said, standing as well.

“Anyone else notice Nerdy Wolverine’s lisp?” Remus asked from his position, leaned back in his chair with his feet on the table.

“Hey… yeah, what’s that about, Lo?” Virgil asked, sitting up a little to look at the logical facet.

“Why doncha give us one of them award winning smiles, eh? Been a while since we’ve seen them pearly whites,” Remus said with a smirk.

“Will you all jutht SHUT UP?!” Logan snapped, hand gripping the carton so tight he was crumpling it.

“Logan Sanders!” Patton yelled, going to scold him again but Logan turned, slamming the fridge and chucking the carton at the wall, watching it splatter on the hard surface.

“Jutht LEAVE ME ALONE!!” he snapped before walking to the stairs, and he could hear all of them calling after him and he felt Janus catch his wrist which he yanked away and growled at the other, causing him to step back as Logan continued up the stairs and into his room, slamming the door shut behind him, breathing heavily as he locked it and turned, pressing his back against the door and letting his body slide to the floor.

“Well, that /totally/ worked,” Janus said with a huff

Remus just smiled,“Woah, damn I forgot how hot the nerd could be,”

“Remus, now is not the time-”

“You’re one to talk, Pat, what was that?! He’s obviously having a hard time, you didn’t need to scold him,” Roman said, obviously upset.

“Roman you weren't any better,” Virgil snapped, “calling him out like that, you scared him off!”

“Oh /Roman/ scared him off?! What about you, Virgil?? Pressing him about the lisp, you could have been gentler,” Janus snapped and Virgil hissed at him.

“You’re all missing the point!!” Remus yelled and everyone quieted down, “That fucking nerdis our friend and you were all fucking idiots and hurt him, now quiet down because it’s all of yours faults,” He said, rolling his eyes and sinking out.

Patton sighed, nodding and sinking out into his room followed by Janus and Virgil until only Roman was left, standing there alone.

He looked over at the stairs, lips pressed together in a fine anxious line. He hesitantly made his way up the stairs and into the hall, finding Logan’s room. He could hear the heavy breathing on the other side of the door and after a minute he took a breath, raising his hand and knocking on the door softly.

“Lo? You there?”

“Yeah… I’m here…”

------

Part two!! Finally did it!! XD The next part should be coming soon, unless I get distracted or forget.

Fangs tag list:

@did-he-just-hiss-at-me @aegis-the-ace @occasional-fander

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not-majestic-bluenicorn · 4 years

Text

Crescent || Chapter 8

Fandom(s): ATEEZ

AU: Treasure Hunters

Genre: Action, Fantasy, Sci-Fi

Relationship: Everyone x Everyone, Established Hongjoong x Yunho

Language: English

Status: Ongoing

Chapter WC: 4,473 words

Warnings: Character Death, Stabbing, Fighting, Blood, Aliens, War, Funerals, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, Mentions of Child Abuse / Child Work, Explosions, Murder Attempt, Robbery, Homeless/Runaway Character, more will be added.

Chapter Warnings: Fighting, Blood

Summary:

"What is going on?!" Hongjoong asked as he approached Jongho, noticing the mob himself. "Good fucking lord I'm gonna have to talk to Yeosang about this." He groaned.

AO3

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Tagged: @angel0taiyo

San managed to sneak away from the crew when Hongjoong and Yunho locked themselves in the main quarters and he was forced to wait before he could go back to work. Instead, he went down to the hold and made sure there was no one there but him. Once he had made sure, he took out his communicator and contacted his boss. When he answered, San knew just by the look on his face that he was in trouble.

"Soldier San, code CS-710-28, reporting sir." San saluted.

"Fancy seeing you, code CS-710-28!" His boss replied with sarcasm. "You know, it's been quite impossible to get a hold of you, I wonder why that is?"

San didn't have an excuse. He had been thinking about his mission over and over, but each time he found himself less willing to commit to it. It wasn't only because it was difficult. San hated to admit it, but all the people he had killed before had deserved it to a point, at least most of them. Hongjoong, on the other hand... He just wasn't sure there he did.

"My apologies, sir." San bowed deeply. It was nothing to appease his boss, of course, but what else could he do.

"Stop with the useless apologies!" He yelled, and San cringed, looking around to make sure the sound hadn't brought unpleasant attention.

He didn't find the idea of killing Hongjoong very appealing anymore, but he absolutely detested killing people who weren't his target, even for the sake of fulfilling his mission. When nobody came to check what was going on, he exhaled deeply and stood straight, looking at his boss. His boss' face expressed perfectly all the anger he was feeling, and San hoped things wouldn't escalate.

"I imagine you haven't even fulfilled your mission yet, have you?" His boss asked, pointing a finger at him.

"No, sir..." San bowed his head slightly, knowing that not even looking sorry would be worse.

"You fucking-!"

San was quick to mute the call as his boss began to yell, his heart racing as he looked around once more. This had been a terrible idea. He should have used the opportunity and left the ship in order to make the call, and although the sound outside provided a bit of protection, there wasn't much he could do if there was someone outside of the hold. When his boss stopped yelling, San unmuted the call.

"Did you mute me?" His boss asked, face race with anger as he sat down again.

"Yes, sir." San nodded. "Sorry sir, I didn't want to bring unwanted attention to the place I'm in currently."

"At least you still have some brain left in that useless head of yours," his boss huffed. San tightened his lips but didn't say anything. "I want progress code CS-710-28, I don't care if you lose a limb or die for this mission, because if you don't, they're gonna want to have my head on a silver plate."

"Understood, sir." San nodded.

As soon as the call ended, he put away his communicator and sighed. This was starting to get out of his hands and he didn't know what to do about it anymore. The more that time passed, the less he saw an opportunity of getting alive out of this mission. It was a problem that he didn't even feel particularly moved to do anything about it, especially since waiting had become the only way to extend his life.

After taking a few minutes to calm down, he exited the hull and went up to the deck. He didn't notice Hongjoong and Yunho right outside of the door until they called for him, startling him enough to make him yelp. He walked towards them, a mild feeling akin to panic settling in his stomach. They couldn't have been listening in to his conversation, right? They wouldn't look so calm if they had.

"San, come here for a moment," Hongjoong beckoned him over, motioning for him with one hand.

"What is it, Captain?" San asked as he approached them, heart beating fast in his chest.

"I told you to call me Hongjoong..." Hongjoong complaining, frowning. San blushed slightly, peaking at Yunho who looked amused at most.

"You said to do so when there's no one else," San muttered, looking back at Hongjoong, who laughed at his reply.

"Yunho barely counts as a formal crew member," Hongjoong said jokingly, shrugging it off when Yunho complained at him about the amount of work he got in that case.

San stared at them bicker softly for a moment, bewildered. He knew, from the information he had read to prepare for his mission, that they were both dating. Yet, it was so weird to see them interact like that in reality, so intimate with each other even at moments when they weren't alone. San had never been like that with anyone, and he couldn't help but feel curious.

"Are the two of you dating?" The question escaped his lips before he could even think it over properly. He already knew they were, why had he even asked? "Ah, sorry..." He apologized quickly, but Hongjoong broke in a fit of giggles.

"Damn it! I lost the bet," he complained, pushing San softly. "Why did you have to ask first?!" San looked at him in complete confusion, the situation made absolutely no sense to him. What bet? And why was he part of it?

"We're gonna have to pay Siyeon," Yunho chuckled. "We could not tell her, you know? Since she wasn't here."

"That's lying Yunho," Hongjoong pouted. "I don't like lying."

"I'm sorry, but what are you talking about?" San interrupted, slightly annoyed that he didn't know what was going on when he was, somehow, involved.

"I'm sorry, please don't be mad." Hongjoong was quick to apologize, face turning into one of worry in just seconds. San felt bad for making him feel bad, and he didn't like that.

"To answer the multitude of questions in your mind, yes, we are dating," Yunho intervened, calmly taking over the explanation. "We're not particularly akin to keeping it hidden though, but we didn't want to be obvious about it either. Siyeon and Hwanwoong are close friends of ours, and we decided to bet who in the crew would ask first."

"I honestly thought it would be Jongho, he has caught us more than a couple times." Hongjoong sighed, pushing his hair back.

San couldn't help but notice how his brown roots were starting to show, and he caught himself swallowing. Hongjoong's pink hair had already been losing color when they first met, and had looked closer to white more than anything, but now his roots were beginning to show, and it gave him a completely different look. Yunho seemed to notice if his grin was anything to go by when he touched Hongjoong's hair while looking directly into San's eyes. San had the decency to look away instead.

"I thought it'd be Mingi, with the way he always gets so flustered around everything," Yunho shrugged. "You need to touch up your roots." The comment was simple, but it was enough to make San's cheeks burn red.

"Why did you want to speak with me?" San was quick to change the topic, wanting to just leave the two be their disgustingly cheesy selves in peace.

"Ah right," Hongjoong seemed to remember why he had beckoned him in the first place. "I just wanted to know if everything was alright with you? I heard you say something weird when we first arrived to the planet and it worried me a little..."

San looked at Hongjoong with mild confusion and tried to think back to their arrival. Had it been when he mentioned how Tebos reminded him of his own home planet? Was Hongjoong worried about him? It was obvious he was trying to push him to say something, but if San revealed where he came from, they would immediately suspect him. It was sweet, but really unhelpful to his will for fulfilling the mission.

"Well, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want," Hongjoong was quick to add when he noticed San wasn't going to speak up. "Just know I'm here if you want to talk."

"Thank you Cap-" San interrupted himself when Hongjoong gave him a warning gaze, and quickly corrected his words. "Thank you Hongjoong, I'll keep it in mind. I'll go if you don't need me for anything else?"

Hongjoong and Yunho both shook their heads no and so San left. He went all the way to the Forecastle Deck, wanting to get away from them as much as possible. Once he was there, he let a long, relieved sigh out, and leaned against the railing, just grateful that he had been able to get away from that one. For all he was trying to delay his inevitable death, everyone seemed to want to make it an impossible task for him.

"What did I get dragged into...?" He sighed, ruffling his hair. He needed to make a decision quick, before it was too late.

They took a detour from the main streets and used all of the alleyways Yeosang knew of. They couldn't go too fast because of Mingi's leg, but at the very least the lack of space would make it more difficult for the mob to chase them.

"Why are they chasing you?!" Mingi yelled as he did his best to follow Yeosang's pace.

It hurt him every time he had to step hard onto his wooden leg, but he didn't complain. If he stopped even for a second to do so, the mob would catch up to them, and he didn't feel like being beaten with sticks and pipes.

"Promise you won't be mad at me!" Yeosang yelled, looking back briefly to assess the situation, and then making a sharp turn to his right. "Or that you won't think differently of me!"

"Why would you be worried about that?" Mingi was worried, was it something that bad that Yeosang was worried.

"I want us to be friends!" Yeosang yelled, blushing slightly. Mingi gaped at him for a few seconds, before nodding. Then he realized Yeosang wasn't actually looking at him.

"I promise!" Mingi shouted back.

"I stole from all of them!" Yeosang explained.

"You what?!"

As they made another turn, the port became visible to them, and both began running faster now that they were so close. Jongho was waiting for them and he seemed confused at their running until he noticed the very angry mob running behind them. He quickly turned to alert the rest of the crew.

"What is going on?!" Hongjoong asked as he approached Jongho, noticing the mob himself. "Good fucking lord I'm gonna have to talk to Yeosang about this." He groaned.

Hongjoong was quick to descend the ship as he noticed Mingi trip. Instead of running, Yeosang went back for him and threw himself over Mingi, he wasn't very big, so he couldn't offer much protection, but it was him whom they wanted anyway. They quickly disappeared from Hongjoong's sight as the mob closed in on them, and Hongjoong ran towards them with his sword transformed into some sort of baton.

Yunho and the rest of his soldiers quickly followed him to protect him, not even waiting for his orders. Yunho wasn't particularly worried about Hongjoong, having seen the glare he had directed at the poor people that had decided to attack one of his own. Hongjoong descended on them with fury and speed, quickly diverting the attention of some of the assailants towards him, who weren't very happy of someone interfering with their revenge.

Their Captain wasn't kin on hurting people for fun, so he was holding back, but even then the townspeople were no match for him. Honjoong disarmed a couple of men by hitting their arms with the baton. Not even the nasty cracks that could be heard from some of his hits deterred him. The rest of his soldiers were quick to help him, and soon, they had managed to make a path to Mingi and Yeosang.

"Get up, quickly!" Hongjoong yelled as he kicked one man in the stomach, pushing him to the floor. "Hwanwoong, get them to the ship!" He ordered.

Hwanwoong hit a man on the leg, making him fall to his knees, and then bashed him on the head to render him unconscious. As soon as he was done, he made his way towards the pair and put Mingi's arm on his shoulders, helping Yeosang carry him to the ship. Hongjoong was right behind them, making sure no one got close enough to hurt them, and Yunho joined him right after.

As soon as they were far enough from the biggest part of the mob and Yeosang and Mingi had boarded the ship, Hongjoong whistled to get the attention of his crew. Everyone immediately began to back up, running towards the ship while trying to keep the angry mob at bay. Hongjoong waited on the ground, wanting to make sure his crew was safe before boarding.

When almost all of the crew had made it up, Hongjoong heard a gunshot. It didn't hurt anyone, fortunately, but he could clearly see the dent on his ship where the bullet had broken through. His eyes darkened as his baton morphed into a sword, and electricity started flowing through it, crackling like a thunderstorm.

"You dare fire against my crew?" He growled.

Everyone froze around him. Hongjoong advanced towards the townsfolk that had previously been attacking them and now stood frozen in fear. If Hongjoong had possessed the ability to kill with his eyes, everyone would have fallen dead by now, but the threat of his electric sword was far more real.

The people moved away as he walked towards the man that had fired the gun. Yunho focused on getting the rest of the crew aboard the ship, and then followed Hongjoong, ready to pull him back and run away. Finally, Hongjoong stopped in front of the man and raised his sword, pointing it directly to the man's chest.

"Come on, do it," Hongjoong dared him. "Fire the gun against my crew again, and I'll stop your heart." His tone was low and dark.

The man had begun sweating profusely. The hand that was holding the gun pointed towards the ship shook as he lowered it slowly, dropping the gun to the floor. Hongjoong scoffed before letting out a laugh, he was still holding his sword millimetres away from the man's chest as everyone looked at them.

"That's what I thought." Hongjoong put his sword down and walked away.

He didn't turn around or try to keep an eye on the man, he knew he wouldn't be picking up that gun again any time soon. Yunho gave him a warning look, but Hongjoong only smiled and shrugged it off, the dangerous look disappearing from his eyes. All of the crew was looking at him with a mix of fear and amazement, but Hongjoong paid them no mind, he was used to it.

As soon as they boarded the ship, Hongjoong made his way to the wheel and ordered them to pick up the anchor. Soon enough, they had set sail, and with the new location marked in their map, Hongjoong left Hwanwoong on the wheel and went to check on Mingi and Yeosang. He could still feel the way his heart had dropped in his chest when he had seen the crowd engulf them.

Handong, the ship's medic, was tending to both of them in their little infirmary. She had already finished patching Yeosang up, who had nothing but a few scratches and purples blotches where the crowd had hit him while he was covering Mingi. The latter, on the other hand, was lying on the bed with his eyes full of tears of pain.

The stump of his leg was red where his wooden leg had dented when he fell and had scratched him all over as it came loose. It wasn't a serious injury, fortunately, but he still seemed very upset and in pain. As Handong healed his wounds, Hongjoong sat down next to him and held his hand softly, trying to bring him some consolation.

"I'm so sorry Mingi," Yeosang apologized, and by the look of Mingi's face, Hongjoong could tell this was not the first time he had done so.

"I told you it's fine," Mingi sniffled, trying really hard not to cry, especially now that he was being given such sweet attention from his Captain.

"I'm really sorry though, you should have told me it was hurting you to walk so fast," Yeosang looked distraught.

"You're worse for wear, why would someone do something so dumb like covering me?" Mingi retaliated, even more upset. "You're so small too, it should've been the other way around."

"I'm not small! I just didn't want you to get hurt because of me-"

"Alright, I'm stopping you two right there," Hongjoong intervened, raising a hand. Handong shoot him a grateful look as she finished patching Mingi up. "What is this? A lovers' quarrel? You two met yesterday." He joked, and it seemed to work well enough as they both blushed but stopped arguing. "Mingi, are you alright?"

Hongjoong decided to ask the miner first. He had been with him for longer and seemed to be the one upset about the situation the most. Mingi nodded, but didn't dare to look at Hongjoong, and he wondered if it was because he had gotten scared about his little 'power demonstration' from earlier. He decided not to insist and focus on Yeosang instead.

"How about you Yeosang?"

"I'm okay, a little roughed up, but I'll live." Yeosang replied, unable to hold back his mild sarcasm. Hongjoong laughed it off and nodded.

"That I can see..." Hongjoong sighed. "Thank you for protecting Mingi, even though the situation itself was pretty much your fault." Hongjoong added, carefully observing Yeosang's expression. Yeosang pursed his lips but nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry..." Yeosang sighed. "I really didn't think that would happen."

"It's alright." Hongjoong smiled. "The good thing is you're both safe, so rest for now, I have to go do other things."

He made sure they were comfortable before leaving the room. As he was walking out, he stumbled upon Jongho who was hurrying into the room, looking worried sick. Hongjoong thought of stopping him halfway and telling him it was alright, but in the end he decided to just let him go and figure it out himself.

Yunho met him at the main deck. He had just finished giving instructions to the crew about what they would be doing next, since they needed to take care of the fight that had happened in Tebos and also get safely to another planet to fill their tank. Yunho gave him an unimpressed look as Hongjoong approached him with a wide smile.

"You made one hell of a show down there," Yunho commented offhandedly. Hongjoong's shoulders raised with pride as he gently pushed his boyfriend.

"It was fun, I have to admit I do miss the battleground a little bit," Hongjoong chuckled.

"To be chased by an angry mob for serial robbery is not, in my opinion, fun." Yunho huffed. Probably only someone like Hongjoong would say it was fun. Everyone else in the crew had looked very stressed out when he had jumped right into the battle without giving it a second thought.

"I guess not," Hongjoong shrugged, smile still on his face.

"You know, if you miss it, you can always ask me out on a duel." Yunho suggested, looking at Hongjoong.

"Don't you mean ask you out on a date?" Hongjoong looked back at him, slightly confused.

"No, I meant a duel, I know you miss sword fighting and all that," Yunho smiled at him, but his voice was serious. "We can ask the crew to keep away from the deck for a little while and spar, it might also be a good way to deal with the tension you've been getting from the whole... treasure hunt."

"You know what?" Hongjoong smiled, grabbing Yunho's hand. "That's not a bad idea, thank you."

"Oh, are we doing more public displays of affection now?" Yunho raised an eyebrow.

"Why? We can't?" Hongjoong smiled teasingly at him, interlacing their fingers. "It's not like we did a great job at hiding it before."

"You're very right about that, but..." Yunho let go of his hand and turned him around, using his hands to push Hongjoong towards his quarters. "I'm afraid you have work to do, Captain, we'll have to be affectionate some other time."

"Unfair!" Hongjoong complained, but he still let Yunho guide him.

"Only to you," Yunho smiled. "And usually in your favor anyway, so you can't complain."

"Fine," Hongjoong huffed. "See you later then." He pulled Yunho down from the neck of his shirt and kissed him. But just as Yunho was leaning more into the kiss, Hongjoong stepped into his quarters and closed the door on his face.

Yeosang's dream this time was calm and almost empty. He was sitting on a small deck, with his feet dangling inside the waters of a lake. Wooyoung sat down next to him and looked into the water at their reflections. He met Yeosang's eyes through the reflection and smiled at him, Yeosang smiled back before looking up and looking at the real Wooyoung.

"Did it go well?" Wooyoung asked. He tried his best not to show how he had been worried sick about Yeosang's situation. He had been waiting impatiently for the time to pass so that Yeosang would go to sleep again and Wooyoung would be able to check on him.

"Yeah! I got a really bad beating, but it wasn't from the crew." Yeosang smiled. "I'm a crew member now, actually... And Hongjoong risked his life to save me, as well." He mumbled the last part, and Wooyoung looked at him in surprise.

"He did?" Wooyoung asked, leaning closer to Yeosang. That was not something he had expected.

"Well, he didn't do it only for me, Mingi was there too... Actually, he might have done it for Mingi, it just so happened that I was there too." Yeosang chuckled. "Still, I want to repay him."

"Oh, believe me, you will." Wooyoung smiled. "Your time will come."

Yeosang smiled and they went back to looking into the reflection. They stayed in silence for a little while, just admiring the little waves their feet made in the water, and playing with the occasional fish that would come visit them to the surface. Eventually, Yeosang turned to look at Wooyoung with a serious expression, and Wooyoung couldn't help the way his heart pressed hard against his chest.

"Wooyoung..." Yeosang began, claiming his attention.

"Hm?" Wooyoung didn't want to look at him though, feeling nervous from the serious mood that had settled upon them.

"Thank you for talking to Hongjoong, I really wanted to get out of that place," Yeosang explained, still looking directly at him. "But can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead." Wooyoung nodded.

"What are you?" Yeosang finally asked, but his question came out more breathless than he had intended. "You said you're not just part of my dream, so what are you?"

Wooyoung sighed and pulled his feet out of the water, hugging his legs close to his chest. This was the question he had feared the most. He was afraid of exposing himself, afraid of being found outside of his planet and being captured and sold to the highest bidder. However, this was one of the people destined to be with him, so he had to trust him. Wooyoung was going to choose to trust Yeosang.

"You can't tell anyone about this, alright?" Wooyoung warned him, finally looking at Yeosang. "Honestly it's probably still too early to tell you, but I don't think it'll interfere with the flow of things." Wooyoung mumbled. "Just promise me you won't tell anyone, yet."

"I promise," Yeosang's face paled slightly, suddenly fearful of what Wooyoung was about to say.

"I'm a Somnum, I can see visions of the future and the past in my dreams, and I can also travel to other people's dreams." Wooyoung let out all at once. His chest felt lighter once he did, relieved that he could finally tell someone about it.

"Wait, Somnum are real?" Yeosang almost yelled, clearly shocked at the revelation.

"W-What...?" Wooyoung looked at him, almost equally surprised. "Of course we are real, I'm here in your dream, aren't I?" Wooyoung scoffed.

"W-Well, yeah, but..." Yeosang laughed, awkward. "I didn't think your species was real... I'd never seen one of you before, you look... human."

"Why? Disappointed?" Wooyoung smiled, feeling slightly mischievous. "Would you prefer me to look like something else?"

"No, actually, it's kind of relieving that you're not... weird looking." Yeosang mumbled, shaking his head. Wooyoung raised an eyebrow and smiled at him, leaning closer.

"Why is that?" He asked, pressing against Yeosang's shoulder.

"Nothing, stop being annoying." Yeosang pushed him away, making him laugh. "Why my dreams, though?"

"Well, every Somnum has a mission to achieve in their life, and that mission is revealed to us through a dream." Wooyoung explained, looking into the water again.

"Was I in your dream?" Yeosang asked, feeling slightly daring. Wooyoung looked into his eyes and smiled.

"You were, actually, and some others." Wooyoung remembered the faces of the rest. Everyone was in the ship now, except one, and he wondered how they would find him.

"Who else?" Yeosang asked, excited at the revelation.

"That... I cannot tell you yet." Wooyoung smiled mischievously. "Believe me, you'll figure it out."

"Is Captain Hongjoong one of them?" Yeosang asked out of the blue, making Wooyoung open his eyes wide. "He is! Isn't he?" Yeosang laughed as Wooyoung tried to deny it, but there was no point. "You should get better at hiding your reactions if you don't want others to know what you are."

"Mind your own business." Wooyoung muttered. "One more thing, Yeosang."

"What is it?" Yeosang put his arms behind his back, leaning back.

"Can you tell me where you are heading to? I need to try to catch up." Wooyoung explained.

"I don't think you'll manage to catch up to us on the next planet, we're only going there to fill up our tank," Yeosang explained, looking a bit sorry. "But we're going to Umeri."

"It's okay, I'm not supposed to reunite with you just yet, you're gonna have to wait a little more." Wooyoung smiled, putting his feet back in the water.

"Sure thing," Yeosang smiled, looking up at the star-covered sky of his dreams. "I'll wait for you."

#kwritersworldnet #kdiarynet #8makes1teamnet #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fanfiction #atz #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fic #kpop fanfiction #crescent #bluenicorn writes

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samrosemodblog · 4 years

Text

Time for Sam Ramblings! It's been a while since I rambled about something. Also whose ready for some Fandom Whiplash?

Cause I'm rambling about Homestuck.

Homestuck is strange to me cause I was in the PRIME position to absolutely adore it when it premiered, on account of being a huge fan of the series that came before it, Problem Sleuth.

God I loved Problem Sleuth. One of the rare series where from basically page 1 it had me busting my gut with the absurdities.

So I figured I'd love Homestuck too. And while I did dig it for a while, it was always kinda just "Okay" with me going along with the motions. And I DEFINITELY didn't understand the story telling pacing on account of all the time travel shenanigans going on, or the way Hussie decided to EXECUTE those time travel narratives.

I remember dropping out of reading the story around the time of Part 5 airing, you know, when the Trolls REALLY got involved in the story. Which is funny because apparently from what I've seen, this is everyone in the fandom's favorite part of the story.

And I'm rambling about this NOW, because I decided for the kicks to go back and listen to a Youtube Reading of Homestuck, just so I could actually say I'd seen all of Homestuck one day.

And those readings just got to the start of Act 5 now which means I'm all caught up from my past. So I wanted to put my thoughts to paper and then toss them into the void for anyone who cares.

The rest under a Read More!

To start my thoughts, a second read of Homestuck has done a lot for my understanding of Homestuck's story, even if I forgot a LOT of what happened near the end of act 4 on retrospective.

Having even some knowledge of the future meant that when those events occurred in the past, they made INFINITELY more sense than an initial linear timeline viewing of the story.

So in some senses I really was enjoying the story more this time around than I did the first time, though I think I can identify more of what the issue this time around is of why it just feels OKAY in comparison to Problem Sletuh.

Homestuck is basically a game within a game within a Webcomic, narratively speaking. All of that is LITERAL in terms of the story being told, even the 4th Wall is literally part of the story.

And part of the disconnected feeling is that the "Game" of Sburb, the game that starts the story off in Act 1, isn't really used to its full potential.

Like when Act 1 first started, I was FULLY into the idea of this double-layered story telling of kids playing a game and using the game mechanics while they were 'controlled' by a game on the outside.

Like I said, it's LITERALLY a game within a game story telling.

But the Game never really plays out to any meaningful effect. The 'Game' of Sburb is just a plot device that gives the kids, essentially, alchemy super powers.

Sure they can KIND of alter the area they spawn in, but that never really plays any kind of factor in the larger space of the story (at least as far as up to Act 5 is concerned, maybe I'm wrong here, but even if it DOES the feeling of disconnect is still there for all of Acts 1 through 4).

Like. I imagine Problem Sleuth, where the world FUNCTIONALLY is a dream world running on Dream Logic.

One of the first things that happens is the main character pulling a window off of the wall, but still being able to use it as a window to where the window exited out to, like a moving portal.

Imagine THOSE kind of shenanigans but with the game world. Being able to treat reality as if it existed in dream logic.

A story where Rose was able to take the windows on John's house and make duplicates of them around the world, giving John fast access back to his house.

If the new world they were exploring within Sburb was a hostile and dangerous world, and they made themselves safe havens that were essentially copy + pastes of their homes, with door portals that lead them between these havens, and allow them to 'fast travel' between locations.

The Game would be their world world, because the story would be dictated of them essentially living IN the game! And they ESSENTIALLY always have! They just never had direct access to that game until Sburb existed!

But of course this never really happens in the story.

Instead you get drawn into a confusing game within a game within a webcomic story, combined with so much time travel you can't even nervously shift in place without bumping into SOMETHING that was directly involved in time travel.

And that's not even getting into the whole absurdity of the 'Dream' world ALSO being the antagonist world that the kids are fighting against.

Essentially Homestuck gets bogged down REAL quick with all of these other story elements that, at least FEEL, completely separated from the game in the first place.

And sure, I get that part of the problem in the story is essentially that BECAUSE the kids prototyped the kernel sprite with Clowns, cats, pink, and birds that it caused the main villain to be infuriated over having to wear a stupid hat, but it's such a minor detail that it gets entirely lost in the shuffle!

It's not that any of this is necessarily bad, after all Homestuck's fandom was fucking HUGE when it came on the scene (especially with the trolls), but it definitely had always left me with a feeling of "It feels like a lot could be done with this concept, but instead of doing anything with it, we went with a strange time-travel and alien home-worlds warring narrative instead"

But I suppose this is all relative. It's not necessarily a BAD story, it's just one that leaves a lot up to the reader to figure things out and/or wait for them to be figured out on their own, and that can be kind of tough to deal with.

Also some of the language hasn't held up, at all. And I don't think it even held up even back then. 10 years is a long time in terms of cultural shifts, but even still oof.

But that's a minor part at the very least and doesn't come up very often, so I can at least shrug it off for now.

Anyways, that caps off my feelings of the first 4 acts as they exist right now. And I wanted to get them down because one of the most common reading advice for people new to Homestuck is "Skip to Act 3!" and it's like

That's such terrible advice and not a great way to kick off this huge adventure lol

But at least I think I figured out WHY Acts 1 through 4 gave me such a "This is okay" feeling, as said above.

But what kicked me out of reading the rest was Part 5 Act 1 (Seriously why isn't it just Act 5 and 6?? They're long enough to be separate acts, lord).

EVERYONE ELSE seemed to adore the trolls and loved exploring their world and getting to know them more.

They annoyed the Hell out of me originally.

Not only had I been thrown off/hated the whole fact that John made his own family and friends and himself RANDOMLY AND WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT (Like he literally just stumbles into a room and goes ahead and makes the paradoxes and just... Just does things??? UGH I STILL HATE IT), but then these assholes came along and just had COMPLETELY obnoxious personalities and text chats that were a pain in the ass to read and took over the ENTIRE STORY away from the characters I actually cared about.

ALSO PERSTERCHUM LOGS ARE WAY TOO LONG, EVEN FROM THE START OF THE STORY, EVERY TIME IT'S LIKE 10 MINUTES TO READ WHAT'S GOING ON, I SWEAR TO GOD-

So I just wanted to put my thoughts down on what Homestuck had been TO ME so far before I end up dragging myself through the rest of the story that I HAVEN'T seen until now.

I believe I got spoiled on how the story ends from a tumblr post but my memory of it is really vague and I don't remember HOW they get to that conclusion, but it felt very Problem-Sleuthy in how it ended so ya know.

Either way, it will be interesting to see if any of my feelings end up changing here. I doubt I'll ever be officially part of the 'Fandom' like other people were, but hey, if I get to the end of the story and like what I have so far I can at least partake in the fanart and fanfics and finally know what's going on lol

PS. I DO find it funny that "The Midnight Gang" was essentially a commissioned side-story in the Problem Sleuth universe, and one of the on-going 'Gag' commands was "Enter the Main story!", but of course they never did.

I guess Homestuck is what happens when they actually do lol

#Sam Ramblings #Homestuck

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girls-scenarios · 5 years

Text

Dreamcatcher as Best Friends

Prompt: kiwi, my friend, can i request dreamcatcher as best friends with reader headcanons? i need more platonic centric content in fandom

A/N: I live for platonic content too. I don’t necessarily want to date any idols, but I do sometimes imagine being friends with them! I hope you guys enjoy! - Admin Kiwi

JiU:

I feel like she’d be a total mom friend

Years of being a leader would make taking care of her friends a second nature for her

She would do things like quietly clean up after a meal

Or casually pull you out of the way of a biker

She doesn’t even notice that she does it and gets kind of embarrassed when you point it out

“It’s not annoying, right?” “No, it’s actually pretty helpful.”

Super sweet and caring

Would move the world for her friends

Always the one to suggest going out, only to get tired almost immediately

Goes to sleep early but keeps her phone on just in case you need her

Always gives the most thoughtful presents

But also likes to tease a little bit

“Did you really think that pickup line would work?”

The best wing-woman you could ask for

People are just drawn to her

Being friends with her would mean being friends with a lot of people

But as her best friend, she would always have time for you

She would even cancel other plans if you needed her to

SuA:

She’s DEFINITELY the best friend who ends up getting the both of you into trouble

Kind of crazy

But that makes her fun, right?

“Hey, want to climb up onto the roof?”

Her ideas are the source of a couple of your injuries

A total mess, seriously

I hope you’re ready to cosplay and go to comic con with her

Because she will ask you to do that

Calls you at three in the morning crying over a pet video she saw

Probably doesn’t sleep

She has absolutely no filter and will tell you as it is

But you know she means nothing mean by it

You’re 99% of her impulse control

She’s always dragging you out to do something because she gets bored

People probably mistake the two of you as a couple because she’s very clingy and likes to hold onto your arm or hold your hand

Platonic cuddling is a thing and she loves it

She has a steady stream of dates, but always has time for you

Despite her endless energy and jokes, she truly does care a lot for you

She would throw down for you at any time, anywhere

Siyeon:

Tough on the outside, laid back on the inside

You laugh at everyone who says they’re afraid of her, because you know that she would feel bad if she hurt a fly

As her best friend, you even get to see her cute side

Likes to lean against you or hug you when she laughs

Also very touchy, likes to hold onto you when she gets excited

Doesn’t care what other people think about her

Encourages you to be the same and just be you

Super supportive towards her friends

Will hype you up and help you at any given moment

If you send her a photo of yourself, she WILL reply with about a hundred capitalized messages and heart emojis and a video of her screaming

Please don’t ask her to go out all she wants to do is lay on the couch

At most she will go get tea or coffee or go see a movie

Everything else requires too much moving and she’s not down for that

The two of you probably share a Netflix account

You get to see all the weird stuff she watches on her downtime

“Did you just watch a documentary on sex?” “I did. Want to hear about it?” “Not really, no.”

The two of you will often find yourselves at her place with takeout, sitting on her couch and chatting while some comedy series plays in the background

She definitely has some weird, embarrassing nickname for you

A weirdo, but she’s YOUR weirdo and you wouldn’t change a thing

Except, maybe, for the nickname

Handong:

When people first meet her, she seems sweet, proper, and quiet

As her best friend, you know the truth

Sure, she’s quiet at first, but once she opens up, she’s funny and sarcastic and cute and so many more things

She’ll say snarky things with such a classy smile that it cracks you up

You kind of never know what she’ll do but it’s more fun that way

She’d probably take you shopping a lot

Or just out to try new foods and places

She wouldn’t like too much excitement, but wouldn’t like to just stay inside either

You’re kind of her personal photographer whenever the two of you go out

But it’s kind of fun to see what new poses she’ll come up with next

She’d be the type to call you when she was having a rough day, either to rant and let off a little steam or to ask for advice or encouragement

Really values your advice, since you know her the best

She’s sweet, too, though

Gives you her gloves or scarf if you’re cold without hesitation

And she makes sure that every single one of your birthdays are special

She likes hugs and would often just randomly hug you or put her chin on your shoulder

Has your name in her phone under some cute nickname but blushes when you point it out

She doesn’t say that she cares about you much, but she shows it in her own little ways

Yoohyeon:

It’s hard not to be friends with her, really

Her personality makes it impossible not to like her

She’s very caring and heartfelt towards her friends

And always has a smile and open arms if you need them

“You’re my best friend and I love and cherish you.”

Has a ton of energy and is always down to hang out

Would be the type to take you on a long road trip

Or just on vacations in general

Likes exploring with you

She’s a little bit extra sometimes

Occasionally embarrasses you in public because she has no shame

She’s just loud in general too

Her laugh is contagious

Gets emotional really easily

Will cry if you give her a sentimental gift

(Or really, any gift at all)

Takes pictures of everything, all the time

Everyone who followers her online or knows her knows who you are

Talks about you all the time

Will get stern with you if she needs to, but she’s your biggest supporter

Always believes in you and thinks you’re amazing, no matter what

Dami:

It takes a little while to get close to her just because she’s so shy

But she loves all of her friends a lot, even if she doesn’t show it much

Probably disappears for days on end when she gets into a good book

Only to text you with all caps about the plot of the book once she’s done

“THE AUTHOR RUINED IT WITH THE ENDING”

Books are the only thing that can get her riled up

Otherwise she’s casual and just goes with the flow

Very few things annoy her

Although you probably wouldn’t find her in any clubs are bars

Prefers hanging out in quiet places

Being friends with her would mean going to a lot of bookstores, little gift shops, and cafes

Even if you don’t enjoy them, she makes them fun

The two of you make it a game to pick out the craziest titles in bookstores or find the weirdest things in stores

And who doesn’t like trying new drinks and foods?

She would also like long talks

The two of you would probably end up sitting in a car eating and talking late into the night at least once

A great listener

She can always make you calm down somehow

Doesn’t talk about her emotions very much, so when she does it means a lot to you

“I really care about you, by the way. Thanks for being my friend.”

Gahyeon:

She is so cute and sweet!

It would be a little bit like having a puppy as a best friend

It’s impossible not to like her, really

Your friend group is huge because of that

Her smile can brighten even your worse days

Gets excited really easily and it’s contagious

Likes to hang out at amusement parks or anywhere fun, really

A ball of energy and sunshine

You’d probably end up in a few of her vlogs

She would proudly introduce you as her best friend

You could never get away with talking bad about yourself because she’d quickly give you a pout and talk about how awesome you are

Don’t think that she won’t tease you, though

She can be sarcastic when she wants to as well

Although she’d never say anything actually mean

She acts cute so much that you just get used to it

She can always make you laugh or smile

A little bit clumsy and a lot bit silly

This girl just wants to have fun

Your place is full of cute trinkets that she bought because they made her think of you

She acts a lot like a little sister but is there for you if you need her

Gives great hugs with soft encouragement

You’d always know that she has your back

#femifics #dreamcatcher #jiu #sua #siyeon #handong #dami #gahyeon #dreamcatcher headcanons #girl group headcanons #kpop headcanons #girl groups #kpop girl groups #long post

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queenitn · 4 years

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So...I just found something that I'd written one night at like 4am a month into lockdown.

It's pretty much a very unnecessarily angry rant.

I can probably contradict half the stuff I say in it myself. It's just...kinda rude in places and when I'm thinking straight there's some parts I don't really agree with myself. It's not aimed at anybody and I'm definitely a hypocrite but I'm gonna post it anyways so go wild I guess.

So I recently took a stroll through Stucky fanfiction on ao3. For a while there I'd been avoiding it, and I'd nearly convinced myself that my mind was exaggerating the whole bottom!Bucky/top!Steve thing but yeah, I'm not.

Normally, I'd say who tops or bottoms doesn't matter. It's pretty irrelevant. But... since the majority of the fanfictions clearly prefer to write bottom!Bucky, obviously, there is some significance. Wouldn't the proportion be more equal if it truly was irrelevant?

Besides being annoying as fuck, it's also pretty interesting I guess. I have nothing else to do so I'm going to be ranting about a lot of stuff.

So, I mostly try to look for bottom!Steve, right? Because that's what I like. I read a bottom!Steve fic, then I say, "Hmm, this author seems to like bottom!Steve, maybe they've written more?" I go check, and I find...mostly bottom!Bucky, with maybe one or two more bottom!Steve.

It's fine the first few times, but after a while it's honestly weird. Clearly, a lot of very good authors have no problem writing bottom!Steve. They just happen to write more bottom!Bucky. As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the common trend. But why? What exactly does one think while starting a new fic, going all, "Hmm...I think...this time.... we're gonna have bottom!Bucky again." Again and again and again until it's most times.

Why is bottom!Steve so fetishized? I don't mean the fics that actually have a dom/sub element. I mean just pure bottom!Steve itself. Why does it have to be some sort of rarity?

As far as I know, there's...really nothing in canon indicating who would likely top or bottom. (I mean yeah, I do believe that canon Bucky is more likely to want to dom than canon Steve, but that's different.)

So, what is it?

Sure, Steve is taller, has a deeper voice, more muscle, a beard....but those are just physical things. They don't actually have anything to do with taking or giving.

Besides, he used to be small before. Is that what this is about? Previously tiny man likes to be in control? Likes to...what? Prove he's a manlier man? Bullshit. Besides the fact that it's bullshit, it also doesn't seem to fit with canon Steve.

The "Sometimes I think you like getting punched" and the "And you've got nothing to prove" make me think that his proving himself had less to do with showing his dominance and more to do with showing his endurance. I'd say bottoming is exactly what he'd want to do.

Besides, wasn't that exactly what made his relationship with Bucky special? The fact that he didn't have to "prove himself" in any way? Bucky already knew his worth.

Is it because Steve likes to give orders? Some sort of "Oh, this guy was always meant to be the leader"? Well, there's a huge difference between being a leader, giving orders in a battlefield...and giving orders in the bedroom. And I'm pretty sure top/bottom preferences would be completely unrelated to who's the boss at work.

But nevermind that, as far as I can tell, sure Steve gives orders, but he also looks to the people he trusts for guidance. The best example is Nat. The thing that makes their friendship so goddamm precious is partly in the way he always glances at her for confirmation before making a decision. Isn't Bucky sort of like an Ultimate Nat with sex benefits?

Nevermind that too. Steve bossing people around is great, but that's not the point, is it? The point is does he enjoy it? I think, the only movie where he did look like he relished his power was TFA. I'm pretty confident that's because of the novelty of his new strength partially, and partially also because of the rush caused by his back to back successes. Why? Because he never seems to take that kind of enjoyment again. As opposed to...maybe Sam? The guy who gets his literal wings back after (presumably) years and lets out a whoop after being chased by the missile thingies. Sam's joy doesn't wear off. Steve's does.

Is it just me, or has this skew towards bottom!Bucky actually increased over the years? Why? I can say a few things on this.

First, maybe people need to remember a bit more that Sebastian Stan is not Bucky Barnes. Chris Evans is not Steve Rogers. And Steve Rogers is not Captain America.

No matter what you think about the actors, the characters they play are separate. Please.

Second, there is a very interesting theory that exists which says that the reason why Bucky is so popular in the fandom is because his character arc is relatable to women and the queer community in the fact that it's about him regaining his stolen agency. Which is true.

Does this have anything to do with him bottoming though? I mean, I don't know. Fanfictions are important because they allow us to explore ourselves, whether it's our sexuality or our trauma that we're trying to figure out. In that way, it makes sense that maybe we will tend to write Bucky as a bottom more often. Except no.

Partly because, having had bad experiences at a young age myself, and being queer myself, I do not relate to Bucky. And hypothetically speaking, I would totally bottom for Peggy or Bucky, but I would rail the absolute shit out of Steve. I canNOT be the only one.

Partly also because yeah, a lot of fanfiction is projection, which is good for the soul, both yours and mine, but not to the point where we create a fanon version of the character completely different from the canon one. Yeah, you could say that canon doesn't really give us much of a character, but clearly they give us something and we have to build up on that right? It's true for both Bucky and Steve. Bucky barely has lines, but his actions speak enough. There's an absolutely breathtaking character waiting for you in canon if you really want to look. As for Steve, let me just say, sass and the tiniest little hints of PTSD do not make a whole character. Marvel fucked it up, but this goes for the fandom too (this is keeping in mind that Steve technically has three movies dedicated to him and Bucky doesn't)

Stop treating Steve like your personal punching bag, Stucky fandom.

It does happen, if we project our bad experiences on Bucky, Steve often naturally fills the role of the clueless/mildly asshole-ish love interest. Not too much of an asshole though, clearly you love him.

That's fine. Fanfiction is about self expression, but should we lose sight of the canon characters that we loved so much in the first place? And isn't fanfiction just as much about exploring those characters, as objectively as we possibly can?

Another thing related to that...why do we only have to identify with one character? I don't know how to put this, but there's a thing called halo effect and I think that's kind of what happens (I'm not a psychologist).

You see something in Bucky. And then you start to attribute more and more things to him that may or may not actually exist. Like yeah, he's fullfilling the traditional love interest role in Steve's movies, but that doesn't automatically mean he's a bottom. The two things are... actually entirely unrelated. They're only related in your mind. And similar to that, when we see one thing in a character that we identify with, we kind of want to see even more things in them we identify with, but it doesn't have to be like that. That's not how any person works, and it's not how any fully developed character works. You can relate to both the characters in different ways, no need to dump it all in one.

Ok, another thing, that I don't like to think about but it's occured to me and I don't like it. So, Steve is generally coded as a bisexual, right? And Bucky is coded as gay. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and think about whether you're unconsciously assuming that the bi guy isn't going to want to bottom. I'm a bisexual woman, I will top Steve. I kind of resent this.

Going off on another tangent, I have also delved into Stony on my quest for bottom!Steve. Pretty sure there's even less of that there. Why??? That's crazy.

Normally, I'm pretty sure Tony would be coded as the top. He's much older, richer. He clearly has control issues. That's one of his defining features. Control. (I don't mean that in a bad way.) So....what exactly do Bucky and Tony have in common besides dark hair and short hight? The only thing I could come up with was thotiness. They're both shown as Thots. Is that it? The Thot Bottoms? Ok.

Is it the whole energy thing? "Bucky has bottom energy"? Does he? Can you argue with me if I say that TFA Steve has bratty bottom energy? That TFA Bucky goes from service top energy to mean top energy? Pretty sure that's subjective. But what exactly are we seeing differently here? I'm honestly asking.

Bucky's character is ridiculously strong, stronger than Steve in some ways (besides probably physically). Specifically, it's because of his ability to not only survive, but heal. Can we acknowledge how crazy that is? He's just fucking buying plums, but that's still more than we've ever seen Steve do. You can say his trauma is greater, but it looks like his coping ability is greater too. So is that what this is? Steve doesn't cope. Instead he focuses on external things like being Cap, Hydra, Bucky. I wouldn't call that a healthy way of living...but it's romantic, right? Neglecting to take care of yourself? No, actually avoiding taking care of yourself by focusing entirely on another person? Is that it? We're romanticizing unhealthy behaviour?

Is it because you feel more for Bucky, wearing his hurt on his sleave, versus Steve who wears it hidden under his skin?

Am I allowed to believe that Steve's ultimate shield isn't the vibranium one, but Captain America himself?

That's just me getting off track and mildly pissy but the point stands. We like seeing Steve in control. He wears it well. He's good at it. But that's just not that relevant. You don't just boss poeple around in the bedroom because you're good at it, you have to want it too. Would he want it? Is a commanding voice really an indicator of a person's desire to command? Can we really say because he's usually the one giving orders (because that's his actual job), that he likes it too? Does he look like he especially likes it? No.

I've been around fandoms long enough to know that all fandoms always have a preference regarding who ultimately tops or bottoms. This isn't the first time it's bugged me, but it feels more this time because I just don't see it. And it makes me angry because it contradicts what I feel, are the best parts of the characters. No, Bucky bottoming isn't the contradiction..but all this that I wrote, the connotations of this kind of coding, the underlying thoughts.... some of it is just not nice, but some of it opposes the little things that humanize these characters. It wouldn't matter, except that it wouldn't have happened at all if it didn't matter.

It's not just what happens to them in canon that matters so much. It's also what they choose to do for themselves when they have the chance. It feels like they made their choices and half the fandom ignored it. "Nah man, you'll look better at the bottom. Look at that hair."

Because ultimately, that's what it feels like to me. A mixture of not thinking too much about it (though I know this post probably counts as overthinking), some wierd internalised heteronormativity, and I don't know what just kind of fucks with all of us. All I know is that I hate it. I hate it.

It's not the bottom!Bucky I hate, it's the underlying, unthinking assumptions. The way it's a foregone conclusion. It's not. I really just want to be able to read the goddamn fanfictions again without wanting to tear my skin off.

( You can help by giving reccs)

#steve rogers #captain america #bucky barnes #stucky

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the--sad--hatter · 5 years

Text

Name Changing (3)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, X-MEN, DEADPOOL

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION - Sequel to Name Calling

After merging with your bloodthirsty alternate personality things start getting a little dicey. You’ve got two decades worth of anger to sort through, a feral mutation to figure out how to live with, a biological father who you hate trying to teach you control and if your wedding planner suggests teal for the bridesmaids again you might just eat her liver.

Luckily you have Bucky Barnes by your side, helping you figure things out. What Bucky doesn’t know is that you have found an outlet for the uncontrollable rage, one that absolutely nobody can know about. If your friends and family knew that you were out slaughtering people in the dead of night while they slept, they might be a little annoyed. Wade Wilson is happy to keep your secret though, so long as you keep bribing him with Mexican food.

For as long as you could remember, all you had wanted was to be good. Now you’re seeing the temptation in the darkness.

Chapter Three - The Firing Line

“Do you want to bite down on this for me?”

You obliged him, biting down on the leather strap.

“Are you sure about this?” Bruce asked, yet again.

He did this every time, checked you weren’t going to change your mind. You wanted the chaotic disease gone, you’d endure whatever you had to. Even this. You nodded confidently to Banner.

“We’re taking tissue samples from the liver today, Dr. McCoy has a theory about the proteins...”

“gerf onwis hit.” You mumbled.

“Alright, making the first incision now.” He said and carefully sliced your abdomen open with the scalpel.

Ever since you merged with Vernichtung you had finally gained full access to your mutant abilities, including your accelerated healing. That allowed Bruce and Hank to have unlimited access to fresh samples. Bruce would word it a bit nicer but essentially he was loping bits off of you to study and experiment on.

You bit down on the leather strap and tried not to scream or be sick. Accelerated healing from the mutation and the super soldier serum meant knocking you out for the procedures was out of the question but at least he hadn’t decided to cut your heart out today. That had been a ridiculously unpleasant experience. Growing a new one had been worse.

The pain was easy to deal with, pain wasn’t a new experience for you, it was the strange tugging sensation that was making you nauseated. You closed your eyes and went to your happy place in your mind to get through it.

“Do you, James Buchanan Barnes take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

“And do you,...

“I’m finished.” Bruce interrupted your daydream and unstrapped your arms and legs from the table.

Your curiosity got the better of you like it did every time and you peered at the samples he’d taken.

“Wade would lose his mind if he saw this.” You groaned.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Steve stood in the middle of the room, the most horrified expression on his face. You looked up at him innocently.

“We didn't have any plates big enough.” You told him.

“So you used my shield?”

“He can’t eat off of the floor Steve!”

“So you used my shield?”

“I’ll clean it afterward, besides it’s basically a big metal bowl.” You said, shrugging.

Steve couldn’t stop watching in horror as Erlo tore at the raw beef you’d served him in the upturned shield.

“Cap I once saw you use that to bash a mans skull in, quit bitching.” Sam told him.

After the initial fear, Sam had decided that a pet lion was pretty cool and while he still wouldn’t get too close he was being supportive of Erlo’s presence.

“Is that good? Do you want some more?” You asked Erlo.

A wave of satisfaction washed over you from him and you patted him on the head before heading over to get your own breakfast off of Sam.

Sam shoved a piled plate of bacon and pancakes (there were at least 15 pancakes) at you and started the inquisition.

“So he understands English, he responds when you talk to him. But he doesn’t talk back?”

“No, he just sort of lets me feel how he feels.” You explained.

“How did that even happen? What did they do to him?” Sam said with a frown as Steve eventually dragged himself away from the horror show and sat next to you, helping you eat the mountain of food mama Sam had given you.

“Friday’s decrypting the files as we speak, hopefully we’ll find out something useful.” You said.

“Alright. Well on to better subjects... As your best man, I have made a decision.” Sam informed you.

You paused with a forkful of bacon halfway to your mouth and looked at him. He was grinning proudly and Steve squeezed your elbow comfortingly.

“I conferred with your maid of honor and she agreed that she would take the day before the wedding to throw you some sort of girly spa day and I get the hen do!” Sam announced happily.

“Don’t say it.” You warned.

“He’s going to say it.” Steve sighed.

“VEGAS BABY!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Miss Stark? The quarterly reports for you.”

“Thanks, put them in that little box over there.” You said dismissively.

“Miss? That’s the paper shredder.”

“Yup.”

The assistant looked utterly perplexed and torn. You took pity on him.

“Alternatively leave them on the desk and go get yourself a coffee, if anyone asks tell them it’s for me.” You told him.

He looked instantly relieved.

“Thanks Miss Stark!” He gushed, dropping the papers on your desk and rushing out before you could change your mind.

You sighed and text Peter.

You: Quarterly reports are a finance thing right?

You: Actually I don’t care, look over them for me?

You: Or alternatively lets blow this popsicle stand and go get a milkshake?

NOT Spiderman: I’m at school???

You: Ok.

You: I’ll pick you up.

NOT Spiderman: NO! I’ll come get a milkshake with you after school. Scan the reports and have Friday check them.

You: I’d be lost without you. You get an extra large milkshake.

NOT Spiderman: Ned’s making me ask if you’ll go to prom with him.

You: Sorry, bad signal. Can’t hear you.

You took Peters advice and scanned the reports.

“Friday, look these over for me?”

“Sure thing, and what exactly am I looking for?” She responded.

You narrowed your eyes at the ceiling.

“I don’t know.” You growled unhappily.

“I’ll check over and discrepancies with past reports and compare them to track the company’s growth and draw up a projection for future reports.” She told you with what you were 100% sure was a sigh.

“Have I told you lately I love you?” You asked.

“Not nearly as often as I deserve.” She deadpanned.

“Set up a daily reminder for me to tell you. Is Erlo doing ok?”

“He is currently in your bedroom eating Sargent Barnes’s shoes.”

“Aww, that’s my passive aggressive boy.” You cooed.

“Your father is asking if you would like to go get pizza for lunch with him.” She passed along.

You looked around at the pile of paperwork you had to get through.

“Absolutely.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“So how’s work?” Tony asked as you bit into your third pizza.

“I’m learning a lot, like for example did you know that flying a quinjet to Chicago to get pizza is increasing our carbon footprint?” You said.

Tony snapped his fingers at you like you’d just come up with a genius idea.

“You are absolutely right, we should invent a cleaner way to power the quinjets.”

“Not what I meant but ok.” You said, laughing at him.

“That’s exactly what you meant. If someone thinks you said something smart, never correct them.” He told you seriously.

“Can I ask you something?” You prodded.

“You just did.”

“Alright, enough with the dad jokes.” You said, chucking a scrunched up napkin at him which he batted away.

“Alright, ask away.” He said.

“Are you trying to groom me to take over the company?”

You’d overheard some people gossiping about it in the office earlier that day and it was weighing on your mind.

“Would it be a bad thing is I was?” He asked.

“I don’t know that I’m a businesswoman, dad. Even if I wanted it, I don’t think I’d be any good at it.” You admitted.

“I’m not trying to get you to take over, no. If I thought you wanted that, that it would make you happy then I would but I can tell it’s not your calling. But you need something. All you do is save people. You don’t even have any hobbies really.”

“That’s not true.” You insisted.

“Your fiancée is a fellow Avenger, your friends are all hero’s or vigilante’s or connected to that life in some way. You need a life Kit Kat, you need something else. You can’t let being an Avenger consume you.” He told you.

You tried to think of something in your life that didn’t come back to the Avengers but you couldn’t. Even your secret hobby of killing people with Wade was about killing bad guys, with a vigilante.

“I don’t know if I can ever do something normal.” You said sadly.

“You can’t. Nothing you do could ever be anything less than extraordinary. But it has to be yours, and just yours. Go traveling, take up painting, go to college, open a book shop. Whatever you want sweetheart, but try and find something. Please?”

“Wait... Is this your way of firing me?”

“I love you but you are literally the worst intern we have ever had. Yes, you’re fired.”

You made a strangled noise of offense.

“Well since I am jobless, I guess lunch is on you.” You said, sulking.

“Leech.” Tony rolled his eyes at you.

“Hurry up, I have to pick Peter up from school.” You told, getting up and rubbing your full stomach.

“Bossy leech.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“How did your history paper go?” You asked Peter as he slid into the passenger seat.

“I got an A! Thanks for getting Mr Bucky to help me out.” He said, showing you the paper with the big red A on it proudly.

“He just talked your ear off for a few hours, you actually made it into a coherent paper. You earned that A.” You told him seriously.

He looked embarrassed but proud as you pulled out of the school parking lot.

“So I got fired.” You told him casually.

“What? They can’t do that, you’re a Stark. Did you tell your dad? Do you want me to tell him?” Peter asked in a rash, incensed that someone would dare fire you.

“He knows, he was the one who did it. Took me out for a nice lunch, like a last meal.” You sniggered.

Peter looked outraged on your behalf.

“It’s alright Spiderboy, I didn’t fit in there and he knew it. He wants me to go and figure out what I want to do with my life.” You said, sighing.

“Oh. Well, what do you want to do with your life?” Peter asked.

“I’m not sure. I sort of accidentally stumbled into having one at all and I’m not sure what I want to do except save people.”

“There are other ways to save people that don’t involve punching Nazi’s. There are nurses, firefighters, police officers, caretakers, therapists. Even people like musicians or authors can help people. If you wanna help others you can find ways to do it.” Peter told you.

“Huh.” You hadn’t thought of it like that.

“Just figure out what you’re good at, what you can do well and enjoy.” He said wisely.

You smiled gratefully at him for his advice. He had given you a lot to think about and you mulled it over as you pulled up and parked outside the diner and got out of the car.

“Come on oh wise one, I’ll even get you some fries with your milkshake.” You said, ruffling his hair as he joined you on the sidewalk.

He playfully shoved you and you stumbled and glared at him. He choked back a snort of laughter at your expression.

“Oh you better run.” You snarled.

He took your advice and bolted, laughing loudly as he sprinted down the sidewalk. You grinned and gave him a head start before stalking after your prey.

How hard could it be to catch a spider?

You were too low down on the street to catch sight of the man stood on the roof upwind, watching you with narrowed eyes. He was always careful to make sure you never noticed him, you would never see him coming until he decided it was time and by then it would be far too late. He would stick to the shadows until it was time to rip your life apart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Peter Parker is one of the characters who gets more of a spotlight in the sequel. What do you think about Tony and Peter's advice?

Weirdish question, remember when Baby Stark was interviewed for a magazine last chapter? What questions would you like to ask her? She might just answer and you could get a mention in the chapter.

@nerdandproud-86 @harrison-shot-first@thejourneyneverendsx @thelostallycat @inquisitor-selvala@the-corruptor @iovher @kendrawr-kitkat @phoenix-whiskey-tears @the--real--wombat @buckitybarnes@fairislesheets@angieptt @meganjonezzzz @dugan365@fluffeh-kitty@memanda17 @krystallynx @theonelittleone@piscesbarnes@free-as-fishes @tarastudiesalot@captainamericasbeard@dropthepizza346 @jaynnanadrews@likes-to-smell-books@drdorkus @life-wanderer@metalarmlover @animegirlgeeky@jsmith509 @chipilerendi@nerdy-bookworm-1998@ericasabe @gravedollie666@madlykpopfan @l0kisbitch@mywinterwolf@sassysweetstories @life-wanderer @jessieray98@littledeadrottinghood

#hattersmarvelverse #bucky x reader #bucky x you #Bucky Barnes #parent tony stark #Dad Tony Stark #avengers x reader

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acklest · 6 years

Text

Jensen Ackles, AU!Michael!Dean, 14x10: Nihilism (and rambling about “range”)

Jensen was so fucking good, don’t even touch me right now, don’t even look at me. I mean, he’s always good, but with this episode, he kicked it in the ASS.

I don’t feel like I have enough WORDS for it. Behind a cut while I prattle on. (None of the gifs used as examples are mine.)

I watched the episode multiple times to see what Jensen was doing as Michael that so wasn’t Dean Winchester, because he was so fascinatingly NOT Dean. I know there are certain style choices that lend themselves to the differences, like his hair being parted on the other (wrong) side and the painstakingly dapper suits and the newsboy cap. Dean Smith (4x17: It’s a Terrible Life) had his hair parted on the wrong side, too. It’s some easy shorthand for “hey, something about this isn’t quite right.” (Like the French cuffs didn’t give it away.)

Demon!Dean was just Dean without the moral center. He was fun to watch, don’t get me wrong, for the brief time we got him. MoC!Dean was actually closer to what I thought Demon!Dean was going to be, so I enjoyed him more. Watching MoC!Dean massacre the Stynes was epic and so satisfying (and tragic I know because of the kid, I’m not like yay murder). As much as I love the real Sam and Dean, and I’m always happy when they get back to who they really are, these dark side digressions are so much fun because we get to see Jared and Jensen show off.

But there’s more to it than that. Jensen has said that his approach to each new script is instinctive (reads the script once or twice and decides what he’s going to do) and Jared is intellectual (reads it multiple times to feel like he’s really soaked it in). But here, I feel, Jensen has made some very deliberate choices.

First, A Tangent: I watch different Dark Angel vids on Youtube and there’s usually a comment somewhere about how Alec and Dean are basically the same character, or Alec is Young!Dean. They don’t (always) come right out and say, “He can only convincingly play Dean-like characters”, but the implication is there. The two characters have some superficial traits in common, like sarcasm, physical comedy, Jensen’s face (can’t be helped). But even his face doesn’t really come into it once you hit the latter half of S1 because Jensen’s face changed a lot in the interim. His jaw got stronger, his face got broader. So I watched an episode of Dark Angel and immediately watched an episode of Supernatural (1x3: Dead in the Water). @deanscarlett helped me figure this out: Alec is out for out for himself, Dean was always out for anything but himself (except when it comes to pleasure-seeking, when he even allows it). Alec has his own psychological trauma (2x11: The Berrisford Agenda) which adds facets to his character’s mercenary pursuits, but once he locks down that perceived weakness (”I’m always alright”), you don’t really see him break down like that again. His programming is strong; he just buries it. But it serves a purpose: Max had written him off as a loss after she saved his life at the expense of not getting a cure to the virus (2x3: Proof of Purchase). It showed her that he wasn’t just a “happy-go-lucky sociopath”, that he had a story like everyone else, and that meant he deserved a shot at redemption. Alec was relatively unburdened (I mean... genetically enhanced master assassin... star torturer in HELL... Dean wins this round, I think) compared to Dean, who’s had ever-increasing weight on his shoulders since “Take your brother outside as fast as you can - don't look back. Now, Dean! GO!” Even young, Dean was never this carefree except maybe in his imagination or as a way to distance himself from others, or when he got really into the “I’m a badass I save people” part of it.

In this scene, Alec (if the character is Jensen’s age) is 23. He’s found a bunch of transgenics that fled from Manticore (the only home they’ve ever known) because of a fire. They’re all children, ranging in age from elementary school to early teens. He’s annoyed because they interrupted his sexy times in a motel. He’s very dismissive of them and spends most of those scenes throwing pieces of popcorn at one of the X7s, who are all small children. Creepy black-eyed hive-minded small children, but small children nonetheless. He makes smart remarks and rolls his eyes while Max tries to get through to the children to let them know that they should absolutely not go back to Manticore if they want to live. In just a few minutes, she takes apart their foundations: You don’t answer to me. You’re not a designation, you’re a person. You have a name now. You have to make your own choices.

“Why would Manticore try to get rid of us?”

Alec answers:

Compare that to Dean as early as 1x3 Dead in the Water:

Dean doesn’t even talk the same way as Alec (except in the first few episode, while they were still getting used to their characters), and I don’t mean Jensen’s ever-more-gravelly voice, I mean the way he stubbornly pushes his jaw forward and talks out one side of his mouth or through his teeth. He has his mouth slightly open a lot. Sometimes he barely moves his mouth when he talks, speaking as if saying the words mostly to himself. Like 2x20 where Wishverse!Sam says “You slept with my prom date. On prom night.” Dean says, “Yeah that does kinda sound like me” while barely moving his mouth at all. Or in 4x01 where he holds up the empty liquor bottle and asks Bobby, “What, r’yer parents outta town or somethin?” That’s such a mushy line. He has a mush-mouth that’s only made mushier by hunter jargon and Dean’s... idiosyncratic way of speaking. If you weren’t in this fandom, would you know what I full-on Swayze’d that mother even meant? I always think of this (7x21):

(He can speak perfectly clearly when he wants to make a point, or when they’re pretending to be any kind of authority. I always think of the exchange in 5x14: My Bloody Valentine:

SAM: [mock sadness] That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong.

DEAN: [pokerface] Remarkably patronizing concern. Duly noted.

He can turn it off when he wants to. That Dean’s Master Adapter thing and it’s FUCKING HOT. Oh, I’m a production assistant now? Cool, aced it in a day. Oh, we’re in prison? This is fine, I’m gonna procure cigarettes. LARPing? Sign me the fuck up. Oh, we’re reporters? I can sound like a reporter. I’ve watched thousands of hours of television, I can mimic anyone. I can fake my way through almost anything. We’re in a different town two weeks from now, I can tell people whatever I want.

OH SHIT, DEAN TANGENT INSIDE OF A JENSEN RANGE TANGENT. Quick, make it look intentional!

Anyway, to me, Alec... Dean... not the same character. Going from one to the other was so jarring. For gifsets or edits where you want to show young Dean Winchester, it totally works for that. I mean, it’s Jensen’s face when he was that pre-Supernatural age... except that Jensen didn’t really look like Ridge Canipe or Dylan Everett when he was that age. (I love Dylan Everett. I don’t even care that his eyes are the wrong color.)

But something else Jensen does is put his own mark on roles that he’s given. Tom Hanniger wasn’t supposed to be as sympathetic as he turned out to be, and most people who watched it stated that they wanted someone else to be the bad guy (Axel was looking good for it) so that Tom would be okay. (Sorry if I just spoiled that for you.) Alec wasn’t supposed to be quite so likable, but that’s what Jensen brought to it. Even Kripke said early on that Dean was different on the page than when Jensen got ahold of him. He finds the heart of the character. Imagine if Dean Winchester had been the guy from the pilot this whole time, grossly leering at Jess to make Sam uncomfortable and defensive.

Remember that Jess first says “Your brother Dean?” with a pleased smile on her face.

DEAN: [instantly leering] Oh, I love the Smurfs. [ogles cleavage] You know, I gotta tell you. [steps too close] You are completely out of my brother's league. [suggestive grin]

JESS: [smile fading, clearly uncomfortable] Just let me put something on.

[JESS turns to go. DEAN's voice stops her.]

DEAN: [isn’t discouraged by her discomfort] No, no, no, I wouldn't dream of it. [another leer] Seriously.

When I first watched that, I thought: “Pussyhound with control issues? That’s your brother’s girl, don’t be skeevy.”

But before long, you realize what it was: Contempt. He wasn’t interested in Jess. “I’m going to make you feel very unwelcome because who the hell invited YOU?” It’s very possessive.

Think about that first scene with Dean after “Easy, tiger!” and then Dean a mere 9 episodes later, in “Home”, trying to get through to John because he’s scared, his voice breaking, his eyes filling up. During that first scene, would you have predicted something like that? "My heart’s gonna break for this bossy bad boy creep.” In fact, by the third episode of the series, it has. Sam tries to make a note of it and gets shut down by Dean right away. "I’ll show you a little, but that’s all. Don’t test me.”

DEAN: You're scared. It's okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too.

Later:

DEAN: Oh God, we're not gonna have to hug or anything, are we?

It’s not until 2x20: What is and What Should Never Be where you see how Dean feels about Jess now that he understands how important she was to Sam: He hug-tackles her from out of frame, and if she never died... There were more layers of Dean revealed in that episode than Alec got his entire season. (Don’t even get me started on that episode, I’ll just start crying and I’m already so off course with this post.)

Jensen took this role and made it as iconic as it is. He protects it.

I’m not saying another actor couldn’t have also “sold” that role and made it their own. What I am saying is, I don’t think that another actor would be playing the everloving fuck out of that role -- with all its twists and turns, advances and setbacks -- 14 years later with seemingly as much passion (if not more) than when they started.

But Jensen didn’t leave Dean in that swaggering, cocky, Han Solo place. He deepened the character, added layers, he shows us the cracks and the flaws. The show would NOT have lasted 14 seasons without these two actors. God, I only watch it to see what’s happening to them and see the ways they found to challenge themselves in otherwise unremarkable episodes. It’s like a troubled relationship where you’re like “No, I’m not watching it again ever” and then it texts you at 3am with “wyd” and suddenly you’re playing an episode and wondering about your life.

I went into that long-ass, rambling, what-even-are-you-talking-about tangent to set you up for this:

Nihilism was NOT an unremarkable episode.

This is not like any other role that Jensen has played before.

There’s really no trace of Dean Winchester in Michael except the resemblance (and the daddy issues, I suppose). And even that’s played down with the neat hair, the suit, the artful "I know my best angles” way that he presents himself to people. There’s not even a trace of other characters that Jensen has played. It’s an entirely new role for him.

Michael carries himself elegantly. The perfect posture, the poise, the careful, graceful motions. Dean kind of slouches, looms, or does a parade rest sort of thing where he’s braced for whatever might happen. He’s got a big ambling swagger. He puts his feet up on tables or sits with his legs sprawled apart.

Michael eerily doesn’t blink as much as you would expect. As Dean, Jensen blinks a lot and closes his eyes, sometimes for a few seconds in the middle of a line, as if he’s processing his thoughts. I love it. It doesn’t start happening until S4 or so, where he wants to show the general weariness of the character. It happens the most when he’s angry or exasperated. But Michael is laser-focused.

Michael speaks very precisely and almost ceremoniously, like he’s selecting each word for the maximum impact. He has ALL the time in the world. Dean talks like... well, Dean. This is the big one for me. He just doesn’t SOUND like Dean, even though it’s the same damn voice. It’s in the cadence. He also holds his chin upright so his voice projects differently, and his jaw isn’t clenched like Dean’s usually is. His voice comes across as smooth and oozes condescension.

Michael, in keeping with his wardrobe and (understandable) superiority complex is very fussy. While Sam, Cas, and Jack are talking, he’s speculatively opening and closing his hands in the background as if trying the cuffs, but he doesn’t even bother to struggle. While he’s talking to Cas during the big monologue, he absently picks a speck of something out from under a fingernail and neatly refolds his hands on his knee. He puts himself in those 3-piece suits. He has expanded to take up all of the possible Dean-ness and he’s very proud of his vessel. The human that used to be in control could not possibly matter less. As far as he’s concerned, Dean was his the moment he was even born.

Michael’s expressions are very different. Dean has a very expressive face. In one 5-second gif, you can identify a number of little micro-expressions he goes through. His face is almost never still unless something has gone very wrong. His eyebrows are all over the place. He’s squinty from having scowled for so long. He absently curls his lip when he talks. Because Michael doesn’t have all the trauma and worries that Dean has, he keeps his expression smooth. He looks completely dignified. Because he feels he has absolutely nothing to fear, his expressions are supercilious and disdainful.

Michael is very, very serene. He’s a BEING, and currently immortal. The things the “pig-filthy humans” are doing don’t really seem to concern him. “He's a gnat,” he says about Dean. He’s waiting them out because to him, they’re the blink of an eye. People keep trying to get a rise out of him, I think because he wears Dean’s face and they’re desperate to see a glimpse of him. Michael just doesn’t give a shit. Holy fire? Whatever. These cute handcuffs? That’s adorable.

Look at the image below. There is no Dean at all, there is barely even a flicker of concern. His smile here is almost like, “You are naive and tedious. I’m just waiting for my army to get here. Might as well relax.”

I’m sorry, I’m just very, very excited and I’m so proud of Jensen. He was already brilliant, but this kicked it into a whole new level.

What killed me:

* Don’t interrupt me.

* Dean’s not home right now. Please leave a message.

* (”With these angel cuffs on, Michael’s under control.”) You keep telling yourself that.

* THAT CREEPY ASS SMILE after Sam says that the Impala’s trunk could hold Michael!Dean too. IT’S SO CREEPY WHAT IS IT

* I called them. [smiles, fake gasp of surprise] It’s a party.

* (”Sam, are we going to die here?”) ANOTHER CREEPY LITTLE SMILE like he could not be less intimidated if he tried.

* I can hear you. [they move about 5 steps further] Really?

* Remind me, Castiel, we’re west of Kansas City? (Dudes, he is an archangel, did you think walking into another room was going to keep him from hearing you?)

* Yeah, put a chair against the door. That’ll help.

* The last thing you’ll see is this pretty smile. AND HE DOES THE TONGUE THING THAT JENSEN DOES so in the small moment to me he was Evil!Jensen. I would read that fanfic. it made me SO uneasy.

* I’m in his head. LITERALLY.

* (”He’s lying.”) No, I’m not. And I can still hear you.

* God -- Chuck -- is a writer, and like all writers, He churns out draft after draft. (The way he sort of labors over every letter in the word “Chuck”, it’s so contemptuous, almost like he’s saying “Fuck”?)

* He never would’ve been so... anemic. [absently cleans a fingernail]

* [leans forward] Even God can die. Ugh, the chill that went down my spine.

* Cool science project.

* When they put the electrodes(?) on him, he’s sort of glancing back and forth, HE’S SO AMUSED, he even laughs disparagingly.

* Oh, Cas. I believe in you. LOL

* In there? You’re all mine. *audible swallow*

Ugh, if AU!Michael!Dean was a lotion, I would smear it all over my body.

Thank you for coming to my Jensen Talk.

#spoilers #spn spoilers #supernatural #jensen ackles #i haven't written analysis in a long time so this might just be stupid #dean winchester #spn cast

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elcorhamletlive · 5 years

Text

MCU Rewatch: Spider-Man: Homecoming

(Doctor Strange isn’t making my life easy and I can’t wait for him right now lol so Spider-Man it is! I WILL include DS in this rewatch, though. At some point)

It’s really cool that the drawing tips us off that the Vulture has a daughter right on the first scene.

I feel like the second scene, though... is unnecessary. Like, seeing the Vulture with his suit kind of kills the impact of seeing him during the movie. We already know he’s up to no good - we didn’t need the extra scene.

Peter’s vlog is really cute.

“I don’t know how jobs work” is such a great dialogue. lol

Ok, I have a lot of... mildly negative feelings about several choices in this movie, but it’s hard to complain about the casting because of all the racist backlash it got for being diverse, and I don’t want to add to this chorus by any means. Still... the fact that Flash just doesn’t look like a popular douchebag really kills the effect of his scenes, to me. Like... couldn’t they find an actor that was, I don’t know, a little bit taller than Tom Holland? He looks like someone who would totally sit at Peter and Ned’s table at lunch, not like a bully that’s been harrassing Peter for years. There certainly were ways of keeping these aspects of the character and still having a non-white actor, I think.

Just... stop making people point out Aunt May is young and pretty. I get it, it’s a meta joke because we’re used to having her be an old lady, but boy is it annoying.

I do love the detail of Peter saving the cat.

This is the movie where my Happy annoyance goes off the chart. Shut up, Happy. He’s doing the best he can and all you do is dismiss him at every turn.

May totally thinks Peter and Ned are fucking, doesn’t she? lol

Laura Harrier, otoh, is perfect casting. She’s so pretty and she just really has the air of Liz’s general high school archetype.

See, this Vulture arrival could have been so cool if we hadn’t been shown the suit in the first few minutes of the movie.

I feel like the fact that Tony handles Peter in the worst possible way in this movie (”because I said so” is soooo not an argument you should throw in a discussion with anyone, but especially not a teenager) is both something I like because I feel makes sense for his character and that frustrates me because it’s another thing his fandom just ignores.

“I thought it was the anti-gravity gun” really dude? Isn’t this scene supposed to show us how ruthless you are? This... is such a weird line that kind of totally undemines that.

“I just wanna thank you for letting me be a part of your journey” Ned is my favorite part of this movie. lol

Thinking about Flash... I feel like maybe the thing is that Flash here isn’t supposed to be cool at all, and it’s just that this version of Peter Parker is not an unpopular bullied kid, but a regular kid who’s actually well-liked by most of his classmates except this one asshole dude who no one else really likes? Which, sure, I mean, it’s a valid story to tell, but it’s just... not that appealing to me. I feel like Peter is not enough of the underdog in this movie, most of the time.

The scene where he stalls with Karen is really fun, though. lol

The scene at the Washington Monument is also really great. Lots of tension and really fun.

I fucking love how awkward Steve looks in those PSAs. I also love that he straddles the chair, because it’s such a non-Steve thing to do, so it really seems like he’s just trying to be cool, like “this is how kids sit these days, right?”.

Also, the director is Morita’s descendant, right? I hope the government was like “stop playing these PSAs” and he was just like “fuck that noise” and kept playing anyway in Morita’s memory.

“I got a nephew who lives here” I’m waiting, MCU.............. give us the pay off we deserve.

I have so many mixed feelings about the scene with Tony. On one hand, I get that this is supposed to be low point of the movie, so Peter screwing up makes sense, but... Tony, couldn’t you have TOLD him you had called the FBI? Why did you just say “yeah yeah, whatever, someone else will handle it” and then not update him about serious shit that HE had discovered? It’s weird, because I feel like Tony is framed as correct here by the narrative, and I really don’t think he is.

I do like the “and I wanted you to be better” line.

Peter and Liz are super cute. And the montage of May preparing Peter to prom is also adorable.

The Vulture reveal still works. It’s a GREAT moment.

“prototype for Cap’s new shield” is a line the Stony fandom has absolutely not taken enough advantage off. Tony just sitting around making Steve new shields? Even though they’re not talking? I live.

I... really dislike how Peter’s Big Hero moment is made to be about the whole “being nothing without the suit” thing. This... just isn’t his narrative? It just feels like the movie is taking Tony’s narrative and imposing it over Peter, and it feels like something we’ve already seen.

And the last scene... Part of me likes that Tony is like “that was totally a tough love moment that you needed, right? right????” because it shows a little how he doesn’t know what he’s doing, but I wish he had apologized. And the fact that he’s got the reporters room ready to go, when, by the Accords, he’d NEED to make Peter remove his mask... I don’t know, I really don’t like a lot of the narrative choices made with Tony in this movie. I think on this aspect, it’s worse than Ultron.

LOL AND THERE IS THE PROPOSAL. The world’s most awkward, anticlimatic proposal. Honestly, as a Stony shipper, I kind of love it, because it’s so bad it becomes incredibly easy to write around.

Aaaand it’s over. Ngl, this is among my least favorite MCU movies. It just... doesn’t... touch me in any particular way? Like, I like a few things about it, but the overall narrative just doesn’t grab me. It’s not a BAD movie, but it’s a little... Meh.

#mcu rewatch #welcome to my most unpopular mcu opinion #mcu negativity #mild ship negativity

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but-i-loved-you-first · 5 years

Note

So I totally feel you on the ‘spark’s gone’ thing. It took me awhile to care about the pairing again after what EG did to them, but finding new edits/fanmixes and switching up my stevebucky playlist helped. Living in denial of canon for this one is harder because this is the grand conclusion. Everything else got a love letter, a final nod except for Steve’s relationships w Bucky and Sam (And nat was pushed aside too but) We wanted a big cathartic moment and we got the opposite

Also: cathartic meta/criticism/discourse/etc can be good, but it can get to be too much and make you forget about all the good stuff that’s out there in canon and not in-canon (I’ll send some fic recs too!) a lot of people in the fandom are super disheartened by EG and it’s so sad to see people leave and lose their inspiration or what makes them happy. I almost did!!

hi. thank you. yeah. i know it’s been a problem for more than me, obviously, i know i’m not in any way alone in this, they fucked us all over. it’s just, i took some time, away from both this and the sebastian blog, and i returned to that bc i felt i didn’t want to leave all my friends there, but since then i’ve realised that every stucky post i’m like nope, and even bucky makes me just want to scroll. i’ve still got steve blacklisted. i mean, that’s the level i’m at.

i don't create content, not that i have for a long time, but now i’m not only not engaging or reblogging, it makes me sad and annoyed and mad to even see them.

i have this fic, icapd, a wonderful, brilliant, extraordinary piece of writing that i’ve reread so many times, and that was turned into a podfic a few years back, and i’ve lost count how many times i’ve listened to it, it literally changed my life and habits, i name characters after it, my diet is different bc of it, basically it’s been a happy place three years running. and now it annoys me. barnes annoys me. and i don’t want to do that to him, i don’t want to ruin him more.

and i stopped the meta and discourse and venting and ranting, i’m just done. empty. i don’t even have schadenfreude for when the other half realise what’s happened, not like i had when got imploded (i will admit that was really good fun), i’m just spent. i just watched this beautiful fanvid of an excellent fic that i really really enjoyed, and it just left me cold. if i hear any quotes i want to scrub my ears, seeing any footage from tws- i want to throw out all my merch and burn all my magazines and movies and i just want to quit it.

i might stick around for bp and cm, i don’t hate those characters, yet, but the cap side of things? if they announced the mcu was over tomorrow i’d be happy. gods i want it back so bad, but no, i just can’t see it.

and i really hate it, you know what made me realise? bc i’m writing this rpf (don’t @ me) and i’ve been struggling, in general, but also a bit bc of this, but now that i’m writing again, i thought, when this is done, what will i write if anything. and my first thought was ‘not bucky’, aka the only character i’ve really written extensively. and a while back i started dabbling with stucky, bc that was my ‘endgame’ writing-wise, that i’d feel so confident that i’d dare try my hand. and then i just... so yeah. that hurts too, and now i’m only posting this story to complete the challenge i set myself, and when that’s done i’ll just stop.

you know, as i’m sitting here, bemoaning my terrible fate, i’m starting to see what happened. they don’t feel real to me anymore. bucky doesn’t feel real to me, they fictionalised him. and no, i’m not delusional, but they’ve literally killed them. there used to be potential, to be love, to be something to strive and hope for, but there isn’t anymore. it’s gone.

and no, that wouldn’t have happened if they’d acknowledged it, or if steve had died even, hell, they could’ve both died and the potential would’ve still been there, something alive, something to play with and love.

this is not me saying that either of them should’ve died (steve), only that i think i could’ve moved on from that with my emotional connection intact. as it stands though. *smh*

omfg this got real sad, i’m sorry. i honestly always start these things with an intention to make it short and snappy and... yeah. that’s never gonna happen. but all is not lost, i know it comes off like that, bc of these goddamn rants i embark on with the merest hint of a prod, but i mean. had i been sure, like absolutely sure, that i’d never find it again, that i knew without a doubt that my love for steve *gag* or bucky or both of them were irretrievably lost, then i’d just have deleted the blog, burnt any physical evidence and deleted every digital trace and gone on my merry way.

and yeah, it helps, to know that i’m not alone, and that i might be missed if i go, it does. and yeah, hmu with some recs and i’ll check them out when i feel less like hurling my phone into the nearest fjord when i think of them.

thank you again, you’re awesome, and i hope you find all the joy in... whatever it is they are. <3

#ask #answered #rant #it sucks but there we are #i hope i can get it back #thank you though #i have to go so i don't have time to proof #not that i recommend anyone read my crap #steve-rogers-will-live

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regiqoa · 7 years

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Why Chara Is Evil and You Need To Shut The Fuck Up About Them

So recently I’ve been seeing so many videos, texts, essays and even blogs by the UT Fandom defending Chara, making some of those Character Defense Squads, saying that they’re actually good and that there’s much more to them besides how they’re portrayed in the Genocide Run and it’s honestly becoming a hassle, if not worrying. I am familiar with Tumblr’s habit of going out of its way to look deeper into things just for the sake of erasing an evil character’s traces and dark tendencies and thus turn them into a pure sweetie who did nothing wrong and it’s honestly annoying me. You guys are having sympathy for a character that’s supposed to be a PSYCHOPATH. And before you come saying “Chara is good, the player is responsible for the Genocide Run! The PLAYER is the real villain!”, the hole is a bit lower than that. Just because the player is indeed responsible for the Genocide Run doesn’t mean Chara isn’t evil. Bear with me. Let us begin then. Let’s look into the arguments people use to defend Chara as a “good” character and I will turn them around and, trust me, there’s not much you’ll be able to say to defend them after this because the logic in those arguments are HORRIBLY flawed.

“Chara was only laughing away the pain when Asgore got sick and nearly died after eating that poisoned Butterscotch pie made by them and Asriel!”

While laughing away the pain is a huge theme in Undertale (Hell, Sans does it all the time), I HIGHLY doubt they were laughing at stress. Let’s look into the VHS tape where this situation is mentioned and talked about by Asriel:

Asriel: Howdy, <Name>! Smile for the camera! Ha, this time I got YOU! I left the cap on... ON PURPOSE! Now you're smiling for noooo reason! Hee hee hee. What? Oh, yeah, I remember. When we tried to make butterscotch pie for Dad, right? The recipe asked for cups of butter... But we accidentally put in buttercups instead. Yeah! Those flowers got him really sick. I felt so bad. We made Mom really upset. I should have laughed it off, like you did... Um, anyway, where are you going with this? Huh? Turn off the camera...? OK.

So Asriel playfully tricks Chara, they start laughing and all of a sudden they just remember how they nearly killed their dad along with Asriel, right? In those circumstances and context, it means Chara remembers poisoning Asgore as a prank, something funny to laugh about, the same way purposefully leaving the lens cap on was for Asriel. So, yeah, they weren’t laughing any pain away; they were sadistically laughing at the pain Asgore was in and how probably they were rubbing their hands together while cooking up their little plan to use Asriel to destroy humanity under the guise of “freeing everyone”. This tape also really goes to show how different Asriel and Chara are, as Asriel also mentions how he felt so bad at the incident. I should also mention how Chara smiles creepily at Flowey’s distress when they make him scared of them when he realizes Chara would never hesitate to kill him if he got in their way and they are also shown smiling when we see them for the first time after killing Flowey at the end of the Genocide Run. Also, isn’t it Flowey himself who comments Chara has a "sick sense of humour”? Hell, many many Monsters comment on the protagonist’s “creepy smile” or "strange expression" throughout the Genocide Run, not to mention the =) face that appears instead of the exclamation point (!) atop the protagonist’s head before they fight a monster starting from the Waterfall area is highly associated with Chara. They’re HAPPY to be fighting the Monsters they come across and hunt, they’re happy to kill.

“Chara is clearly uncomfortable with the player the second time they do the Genocide Run”

This argument likely stems from that one line of Chara’s during their monologue if a Genocide Run is done twice:

"But you and I are not the same, are we? This SOUL resonates with a strange feeling. There is a reason you continue to recreate this world. There is a reason you continue to destroy it. You. You are wracked with a perverted sentimentality. Hmm. I cannot understand these feelings anymore."

I’d say “impatient” is the right word, not “uncomfortable”. At this rate, the player’s and Chara’s motives and desires are different. The reason the player continues to recreate and destroy the world is to satisfy their completist desire of wanting to find out every single thing there is to know about Undertale (or any game, for that matter), even if it means traversing the Genocide Run more than once, which is exactly the “perverted sentimentality” Chara is referring to and, considering how much of a real pain in the ass it is to complete it, it’s no surprise that Chara calls such an action “perverted". So they don’t understand you anymore, your desires are not the same anymore. The same is commented by Sans during his fight:

“i know your type. you’re uh, very determined, aren’t you? you’ll never give up, even if there’s uh… absolutely NO benefit to persevering whatsoever. if i can make that clear. no matter what, you’ll just keep going, not out of any desire for good or evil… but just because you think you “can”. and because you “can”… you “have to”…”

Chara on the other hand desires to go out and destroy humanity (and the Monsters, too), which brings me to my next point: The post-Genocide Pacifist Run. Chara is dead and thus lacks a physical body to do anything, so they know the only way to escape the Underground is through Frisk, the character the player controls. Have any of you ever paid attention to what Chara says after what I just put above?

"Despite this. I feel obligated to suggest. Should you choose to recreate this world once more, another path would be better suited."

Chara is suggesting the player “tries another path” and is thus manipulating them into doing the True Pacifist Run so they can go out and destroy both the Humans and the Monsters that now reign the surface.

“Chara didn’t destroy the Humans and Monsters of the surface in a post-Genocide Pacifist Run, they’re bringing justice to the player! They care about the Monsters and is thus punishing the player!”

No, it’s NOT Chara punishing the player, that’s the game itself doing this. One of Undertale’s main messages, especially the Genocide Run, is that your actions have consequences. The only thing that happens at the end of a post-Genocide Pacifist Run (or Soulless Pacifist Run) is that Chara fully possessed Frisk’s body after the player sold them their SOUL and now, with the Barrier separating the Humans from Monsters destroyed, Chara can now go out and destroy both species that live in the Surface. I mean, DAMN, Toby Fox said it himself in his Twitter when asked about the Soulless Pacifist Ending. There is absolutely NO “justice” in Chara’s side. If they were REALLY a good and pure person who loves the Monsters then, well, I’m sure they wouldn’t have to kill them just for rubbing it in the player, right?! Seriously, don’t ANY of you realise how pathetically contradictory this argument is?!

“But Chara is just a child!”

Bitch, have you ever watched two movies called “The Good Son” and “Child of Rage”? Go watch them, your argument is once again invalid. I will also mention how these two children are psychopaths. Also, the youngest arrested and condemned killers of the 20th century were brought to justice when they were both 10 and their names are Robert Thompson and Jon Venables, who kidnapped, tortured and killed 2 year-old James Bulger. So yeah, with real-life evidence, children like Chara are completely capable of being psychopathic murderers.

“Chara is the narrator of Undertale! They nicely narrate every enemy and object to you!”

No, it’s not canon. It’s never said anywhere that they are. The narrator through the ENTIRETY of Undertale is completely up to speculation. Have you ever heard of something called an “omniscient narrator”? Hell, it could be Frisk narrating stuff to you in a Neutral or Pacifist Run. It wouldn’t be that much of a stretch to say it could be the player themselves, considering the amount of 4th Wall Breaks in the game and how Flowey is aware that there’s people that watch gameplays of Undertale out there. The only pieces of narration that are clearly narrated by Chara are the ones in red in New Home in the Genocide Run (which are written in first person). This is also the very same place where Flowey talks about him to Chara the most, should I add. This argument likely exists because the narrator in question is always saying “you did <insert action here>”, in third person as if talking about someone else. Well, the same thing happens in the Genocide Run. There are TONS of entries in the Genocide Run narrated in third person.

“Papyrus is sparing you”

“You punched the dummy at full force. Feels good.”

“Glad Dummy lets you go”

“You took the Snowman Piece”

“You took the key and put it on your phone’s key-chain”

“You feel like you’re gonna have a bad time”

“You feel your sins crawling on your back”

It’s also worth noticing how darker and crueler the narrations both in first and third person get the more the Genocide Run progresses, right? It’s because the more you kill, the more you allow Chara to posses Frisk and the more they can manifest themselves.

“Chara lectures the player when the world is completely destroyed”

Yes, that is true but that still doesn’t make them good, they’re merely acknowledging the reality of the player’s actions. They sound completely cold and stoic saying those words and asking the player if they’re above consequences, which shows they’re neutral about this, not sad or bothered, not to mention it is them who destroy the world REGARDLESS of the player’s choice. I should also remind you that, right after that, the player is left with no choice but to make a literal deal with the devil (as Chara calls themselves “the demon that appears when people call its name”), giving Chara their SOUL as a deal to make them bring the world back. Chara also calls the player a “great partner” if they agree to destroy the world with them so its plausible to think that this is yet another form of manipulation.

“Chara may call themself a demon but Asriel calls himself the ‘God Of Hyperdeath!’"

Exactly. Asriel is the GOD of Hyperdeath. “Of Hyperdeath” is merely a name and a very obvious one, considering Asriel inherited his father’s trait of being terrible at naming things. However, think about this: A God is a creator or recreator, a deity, a divinity. When you look at what he says during his fight, this name makes perfect sense:

“You know, I don’t care about destroying this world anymore. After I defeat you and gain total control of the timeline, I just want to reset everything! Then we can do everything all over again!"

Asriel’s intentions are not remotely bad, even. He does not wish to harm anyone, he only wants to reset the entire timeline and redo what he and Chara did wrong, even if it means killing the protagonist to gain their Determination, for the greater good.

“Chara forgave Asriel for his betrayal!”

Dude, WHERE do people get this from?! Chara clearly DIDN’T forgive Asriel for betraying them and is clearly merciless to him at the end of the Genocide Run. They inclusively mention his betrayal when talking to the player:

“At first, I was so confused. Our plan had failed, hadn’t it?"

When Flowey is talking to Chara in New Home, they make him scared of them the moment he realizes that they would never hesitate to kill him if he got in their way, not to mention Chara is the one to make Flowey realize that his “kill or be killed” philosophy does not work, he knows Chara is much stronger than him. Hell, Chara clearly doesn’t care at all for Asriel as they, not the player, CHARA completely MUTILATES Flowey right when he reveals his true identity as Asriel after killing Asgore in one shot. Also, speaking of which, it is clearly stated on the books in the “Librarby" that the stronger the will to kill a Monster a human has, the more damage their attacks will do. One more thing worth mentioning is this parallel right here which pretty much speaks for itself:

Asriel, in the second True Lab VHS tape: Okay, <Name>, are you ready? Do your creepy face! AHHHHH!! Hee hee hee! Oh! Wait! I had the lens cap on... What!? You're not gonna do it again...? Come on, quit tricking me! Haha!

Flowey, in New Home: S-s-stop making that creepy face! This isn’t funny! You’ve got a SICK sense of humor!

The real thing that goes to show that Chara is evil is their relationship with Asriel/Flowey. Asriel was never comfortable with Chara’s plan, to the point that he cried at the thought of having to hurt or kill anyone. Flowey (who is equally evil), on the other hand, understands and even admires Chara for their murderous genocidal tendencies when he talks to them at the end of the Ruins and in New Home, not to mention Flowey only recognizes the protagonist as Chara if the player is doing the Genocide Run. It’s also worth mentioning that it was because of Chara that Flowey acquired his “kill or be killed” philosophy. Hell, Asriel even comments that Frisk and Chara are completely different from each other despite their very similar fashion choices and that he was only projecting. Hell, he’s the one who admits and recognises that Chara was never the greatest person.

Now on to something to top it all off: The Sociopath Flowey and Psychopath Chara theory. What you’re about to read now is a written adaption of a video in Portuguese explaining that Chara is a psychopath, whereas Flowey is a sociopath.

So, as you’ve probably gathered, there’s not much data about who Chara truly is but the they are just enough for us to understand their mentality and perspectives throughout the game. Chara was the first human to fall down Mount Ebott after the war that separated humans from monsters. Upon falling, they are found by Asriel, Toriel and Asgore’s biological son, and is adopted by the Dreemurr family as a family member. However, when Asgore gets awfully sick after eating a pie prepared by Chara and Asriel, Asriel feels bad about everything that happened, yet Chara LAUGHS in relation to that (I already proved your little “they were laughing away the pain” point wrong so shut the fuck up). Instead of putting “cups of butter” to make the pie, Chara uses Buttercups, poisonous golden flowers in the recipe, causing Asgore to fall horribly sick. Seeing the potency that the flowers have in Monsters, Chara starts to cook up a plan. Chara then gets terminally ill (too) and, before passing away, they ask Asriel to take them to see the golden flowers of their village in the Surface. Throughout the game, it is revealed that Chara had poisoned themself intentionally so that Asriel could absorb their SOUL and thus cross the barrier so that they could kill humans together and harvest their SOULs. So, yeah, Chara INTENTIONALLY poisons themself so that they have the chance to kill humans (which they succeed with the sole exception of Frisk that they posses depending on the ending we achieve in-game). But anyway, upon reaching the Surface, Asriel is attacked by the humans, for they have thought Asriel had attacked and killed Chara. This causes Chara’s desire to kill humans to manifest into their fusion and put it in a state of hatred but Asriel is able to resist that and let the fusion be attacked. Asriel then returns to the underground horribly wounded and both Asriel and Chara thus die. This story takes us to the story of Flowey; when Asriel died, his dust was spread across Asgore’s garden of golden flowers. Later, Alphys, doing experiments with Determination, injected the first flower that bloomed after Toriel left Asgore with Determination. The initial experiments didn’t work, which made Alphys return the flower to Asgore to be replanted in the garden. However, the flower woke up alive in the garden and thanks to Asriel’s essence from his dust in the garden, Flowey retained Asriel’s memories, but he also noticed that he din’t feel any emotions since he didn’t have a SOUL and thus was unable to feel love, joy or compassion. Those, dear readers, are all the information available about these two characters, so now let’s move on the psychological part. All of these informations affirm that both Chara and Flowey suffer from psychological problems, with Chara being a psychopath and Flowey being a sociopath. Now let’s analyse this a bit; many people assume amiss that psychopathy and sociopathy are the same but that’s wrong. Indeed, both disorders are very similar but there are a few details that set them apart so let’s see what psychopathy and sociopathy have in common, first:

Both are “antisocial personality disorders”;

Both lack empathy;

Both despise and disobey rules of social behaviour;

Both do not feel remorse or guilt;

Both are violent and hurt people;

Now that’s where things change. Differing from a sociopath, a psychopath possesses the following symptoms: The origin of their disorder is in the innate condition of their existence. According to a research made by the International Institute of Minnesota, 60% of psychopaths are psychopathic by heredity, meaning they were simply born this way. Now:

A psychopath has GREAT chances of being a nice and well-mannered person with a good professional career;

A psychopath possesses a very controlled temper and behaviour;

A psychopath is highly manipulative;

A psychopath is completely incapable of creating (real) bonds with other people;

A psychopath is generally very smart, intelligent and carefully calculates and plans their actions and risks, leaving the least amount of evidence as possible in their crimes;

Whereas a sociopath is very different. The origin of their disorder has great chances of being generated due to the environment they live in. Researches show that great part of sociopaths have become sociopathic due to their precocious institutionalisation, meaning they were NOT born this way. Now:

A sociopath has difficulty in being polite or well-mannered and generally cannot maintain themselves in a job;

A sociopath has a behaviour of loss of control that generates hate and anger;

A sociopath is impulsive and spontaneous;

A sociopath is capable of creating bonds with other people or an individual group;

A sociopath is spontaneous and thus leaves marks and evidences in their crimes;

Now it’s when we analyse how Chara and Flowey fit in those profiles, starting by Chara. Chara is a psychopath: If we analyze their story enough, we’ll see that their story is indeed based in a frenetic impulse of psychopathy. Like I said above, a psychopath is usually a well-mannered person and gets very well socially. Chara was very well-seen by the Monsters while living in the Underground, so much that they say they “filled the Underground with hope” and therefore had great capacity of interacting with others. However, when we look into the manipulation thing, Chara is an extremely manipulative character, both while living in the Underground and at the end of the Genocide Run. Their attitudes in relation to the player at the end of the Genocide Run testify that: They induce the player to erase the world and is thus manipulating them by doing exactly that. They are intelligent, they know they need you to escape to destroy and kill everyone, so they need you to do their bidding, which is exactly what happens at a potential post-Genocide Pacifist Run. The same way they manipulated Asriel: to take him to the Surface as a SOUL inside him and carry their own dead body so the humans can see and make the mistake that leads them to attack him. Chara is clearly manipulating him by doing that. Chara also does not possess sympathy or empathy for anyone; When Asgore eats the poisoned pie and gets sick, Chara sadistically laughs at what happened and thus does not feel remorse before that. Another example of Chara’s lack of empathy towards anyone is how they didn’t care for how clearly uncomfortable Asriel was with their plan, they literally have to convince him through guilt-tripping and manipulation when he’s CRYING to go along with their plan:

Asriel (fourth True Lab VHS tape): I... I don't like this idea, <Name>. Wh.. what? N-no, I'm not... ... big kids don't cry. Yeah, you're right. No! I'd never doubt you, <Name>. Never! Y... yeah! We'll be strong! We'll free everyone. I'll go get the flowers.

This tape really goes to show how Chara clearly despises weakness, chastising Asriel for being “weak" and only cares about gaining more power, not caring a thing in the world on how other people feel. Remembering that Chara does all of this calculatedly, planning everything step-by-step, the same way a psychopath would do. Now, it is said by Asriel that Chara “hated humanity” and people just assume that this somehow means that they are actually depressed and abused and jumped on Mt. Ebott as an attempt of suicide, right? Well, that’s unfortunately NOT the case. The real reason why Chara “hated humanity and felt very strongly about it” is NEVER stated out loud and Asriel even goes to say that Chara never said why they felt this way. That’s right, Chara has no reason to hate humanity, they do what they do because they want to and because they LIKE hurting and killing. Like I said above, psychopaths are born psychopaths; They just want people to die and suffer by their hands and they leave it as less evident as possible, to the point of using Frisk as a physical vessel for them to kill Monsters and they only reveal their true colors and their plan to erase the timeline at the very end of the Genocide Run. Not to mention the way they fell down Mount Ebott is a bit suspicious to me. The intro of the game shows them tripping on a vine then falling on the hole leading to the Underground so it isn’t really a stretch to say that they’ve been lying to Asriel to gain his sympathy (another form of manipulation). Now on to Flowey. Flowey is a bit more different. Yes, Flowey also has the very same destructive impulses to destroy everything and everyone, but differing from Chara, his attitudes and motives to do that are different. First off, Flowey doesn’t have that much of a good capacity to interact with other monsters, as his explosive temper and his urge to attack everything he comes across turn Flowey VERY distanced from the others. Indeed, Flowey usually resides in an place that’s excluded from the Monster society, the Ruins. Flowey also isn’t very polite, his way of speaking is very different from the others. His signature “Howdy!” is southern slang, the way country people speak, whereas Chara, should I also add, politely greets the player with “Greetings”, a very formal way of saying hello. All of Flowey’s explosive behavior and lack of control towards Frisk, especially at the beginning of the game, shows that he doesn’t calculate his attitudes or his actions and is impulsive, the same way a sociopath acts. Also differing from Chara, Flowey has and had bonds, with Papyrus and possibly many others after he found out about his power to reset, save and load and, of course, with Chara. Flowey constantly feels like he has to do Chara’s bidding and even apologises to them at one point, showing that he is capable of bonding with someone, different from a psychopath. Flowey’s acts of violence are also very clear; he doesn’t do it all in secret like Chara does, he shows it in your face that he is indeed an antagonist. Who else makes crimes leaving marks behind? A sociopath, obviously. And surely, Flowey wasn’t always a sociopath, he became one, he is what Asriel became after being manipulated by Chara, Chara made him a sociopath (if not the boredom he felt after seeing all the Underground has to offer but you get my point). Indeed, Flowey/Asriel only turns evil and sociopathic due to the manipulative influences of Chara, Chara made him this way, Chara was the starting point for Flowey to start having those attitudes of violence in the game. To sum it all up: Chara was born a psychopath, as they have no reason to hate humanity, and Flowey is a sociopath because he was manipulated by Chara as Asriel. He doesn’t do what he does because he wants to, he only wants to satisfy Chara.

Conclusion (Chara=The Player/Character Analysis): Now, it is indeed a bit difficult to explain this line of thinking. Every RPG has in its essence killing and defeating your enemies, getting stronger, winning new equipments, gaining experience to evolve in levels and going to face new challenges. But that’s different in Undertale. This game values every single character it has, from simple enemies to NPCs, killing and defeating is not a necessity. Indeed, the more you kill, the worse your (most precisely Neutral) ending becomes. It really goes to show how being stronger than everyone else doesn’t necessarily make you better than anyone else, and in Undertale, the exact opposite happens, it makes you the worse. It completely goes against the idea that the more you kill, the better you are, without caring about anyone else, without the least bit of remorse, being the very best at every cost even if it means killing everyone around you. Chara is never met in person at all in every other route of Undertale besides the Genocide Run, and that’s because every EXP and every LV you gain gives them power, thus causing them to grow stronger and mentally posses Frisk. Why do you think Chara is the embodiment of the feeling you get every time your statuses increase? Why do you think you’re supposed to name them after yourself as the player (as stated by Toby Fox himself)? That's because completing a Genocide Run would be just like completing an RPG like any other and Chara is that feeling we have inside of us every time we gain more power, when we feel nothing upon seeing people get hurt, upon seeing the news of terrible things happening in the world and feeling nothing at all. They’re that evil voice whispering “kill them, you have the power” when we’re clutching a knife in our hands just about to cause pain and suffering for those who hurt you instead of feeling empathy and learning to forgive. Have you noticed how Chara is the only character in the entire game that we don’t fight? It's because Chara, being the feeling of only wanting more power and feeling no empathy for others at all, can only be defeated by doing good to others, by forgiving, by making friends and not using or manipulating them into doing what only YOU want them to do. Chara only resurrects at the very end of the Genocide Run, when everything and everybody are truly destroyed and only for wanting more power, they tell you that your “human SOUL” and your “Determination" are what brought them back to life, meaning that, upon wanting to become more powerful, you as the player, acquired their traits. HP. ATTACK. GOLD. DEFENCE. EXP. LV. Every time time a number increases, that feeling, that's Chara. With your guidance, Chara has finally resurrected, they could have never done this without you and have finally realised why they’re back to life: power, and that’s exactly what Chara represents. As that old saying says: “Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely”. The player needs an equal, a representative in-game to represent their thirst and lust for power, their want to be the best at every cost and to kill everyone in their way if needed. Chara is a separate entity that lives in all of us, our thirst and lust for power that, if one lets it grow, can destroy worlds regardless of one’s choice, because YOU are never in control. Chara takes the game's control away from the player more and more as the Genocide Run progresses and, towards its end, more and more and more Monsters do not recognise Frisk as human anymore. That is because, as you kill, you literally strip yourself of your humanity. Is it really you in control of your actions, or your greed? Are you really the one making the rules, or your selfishness? Is there really anything more than just your ego and your futility that keeps you going? Are you leaving good things to the people around you or are you just an asshole wishing to manipulate everyone and have an easy life? Are you a true true friend or do you manipulate your friends and steal their attention, their empathy and sympathy with lies just so they can all cater to your needs and whims? In other words, you inner Chara? Soulless monster, you have no excuses to say you haven’t been warned, for when there is nothing nor nobody around you, do not complain that you did not know where you were going to.

I am open to discussions and will ignore flames.

#chara #undertale #chara undertale #undertale chara #chara is evil #why chara is evil #discourse #essay #by me #arguments #your argument is invalid

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oneweekoneband · 8 years

Text

Guess who just got back today?

youtube

“Intro/The Boys Are Back in Town (Live)”

So I think by now I’ve established the significance of Titus Andronicus’ music, and the sense of community that surrounded it, in the lives of myself and my best friends. I mention that because it’s only through the lens of that fandom that I can discuss Titus Andronicus LLC Mixtape Vol 1, a sprawling collection of demos, rarities, live cuts and covers that the band dropped for free in March 2012.

By then The Monitor was two years old, and it was still more than half a year before the album that would become Local Business would see the light of day. So, of course, we were starving for just about anything from our intrepid heroes. And though Titus Andronicus LLC Mixtape Vol 1 certainly wasn’t the new album I craved, it – for a couple of reasons – had great significance.

The mixtape begins with two live cuts, “Intro” and a cover of Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys Are Back In Town.” Both of these, I discovered to my absolute delight upon first listening to the mixtape, were recorded at an Asbury Park, NJ show in which myself and one of my best friends had been in attendance. “LISTEN!!!!!!,” I repeatedly exclaimed to my other best friend, who couldn’t make it that night, “THAT’S US CHEERING!!! THAT’S US IN THE CROWD!!!” Aside from being a means to annoy the everliving shit out of my friend who wasn’t present that day though, these two opening tracks are an eerie listen five years later.

“Intro” is simply an introductory monologue from Stickles, the sort that you can find on god knows how many live albums. In its second half, Stickles sounds off on Chris Christie, the governor who was then only loathed by progressive New Jerseyans for his veto of a bill that would have legalized same-sex marriage in the state. To this, Stickles says “he sucks, fuck him,” to the delight of myself and everyone else gathered in anticipation of the show to come.

Especially in light of the endless political shitstorm we Americans have been subjected to over the last four weeks, it’s – to focus on the Shakespearean rise and fall of Christie as a microcosm of the ugliness of American politics over the last five years – almost surreal to think back to a time before Bridgegate, before the presidential campaign, before Donald Trump, before the record-low approval ratings. Before Hurricane Sandy even. Stickles probably threw “Intro” onto the mixtape without much thought, but it now, in this terrifying period, serves as the strangest of time capsules.

The second track, Stickles and co.’s spirited take on one of classic rock’s ultimate bar-band, backyard barbecue standards is equally as weird a listen nowadays. Though it was a delightful surprise when the band opened with the song that night at the Stone Pony, the recording serves now as a foreshadowing of the disillusionment I would come to feel towards the group and some of its fans.

Nine months after the release of LLC, my friends and I found ourselves at Maxwell’s yet again, awaiting our spokesmen. The moment the band took the stage, and struck that famous opening chord – which I still associated more with a comically masculine Wrangler commercial than my favorite band – we exchanged somewhat bemused glances. Before we knew it though, these weary looks were cut off by a veritable ocean of impossibly large, baseball-cap-wearing dudes crashing into us with impossible force. Knocking us around like pinballs, these men also splashed the contents of their plastic cups all over us when the song arrived at the ubiquitous call-and-response chorus. Every guy with a beer was one of “The boys,” and the way they announced that they were “back in town” was by turning the floor into something out of a WWE match.

For the first time, I thought about how nice it would be if I could just, ya know, sit back and enjoy the show without having to become a human projectile. For the first time, I thought about how disorienting all this testosterone-driven madness must be for someone who, unlike me, had never particularly enjoyed moshing.

I mean, it’s not like it was a surprise that Titus had come to open their shows with an homage to classic rock. After all, The Monitor was definitely more Bruce Springsteen than it was Crass. But, despite how amazing it was to hear my own cheering on a semi-legit live album, “The Boys Are Back In Town” was the first indicator that my devotion to Titus Andronicus, and my willingness to get splattered with beer and pummeled for two hours on end, would perhaps fade with time.

#titus andronicus #one week one band

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the--sad--hatter · 5 years

Text

Name Changing (8)

FANDOM - MARVEL MCU, X-MEN, DEADPOOL

PAIRING - BUCKY X READER (female reader, no physical descriptions)

WARNINGS - ALL OF THEM, SMUT, VIOLENCE ANGST

DESCRIPTION - Sequel to Name Calling

For as long as you could remember, all you had wanted was to be good. Now you’re seeing the temptation in the darkness.

Chapter Eight - Doctor Doctor, I Think I’m a Killer!

The next week was a whirlwind of activity and you barely had time to breath. The next meeting with the wedding planner went a lot more smoothly for some reason and you eventually found out that while you were away, Darcy had taken Erlo to the planning appointments.

The Bridesmaids were wearing Stark Red like you had requested, The Grooms-men were wearing blue, the church (after a hefty donation from Tony) was booked, your dress was awaiting the final alterations, the caterers were booked, the flowers were ordered, the guest-list was finalised... Or so you thought...

“Kit Kat, last chance to invite him.” Tony prompted when he cornered you in the kitchen.

“Why? Why would I invite him?” You demanded.

“He’s your father.”

“No, You’re my father. He was a sperm doner.” You snarled.

“I thought you were getting along with him better?” Tony asked.

“Just because I can work with him, doesn’t mean I want him at my wedding.” You hissed.

“Alright kid, calm down and quit hissing at me like a feral cat. You’re inviting the rest of the X-Men, you can’t not invite him.” Tony admonished you.

“Why are you pushing this? You don’t like him either.” You grouched.

“Because he is your father, even if I’m much better at it. And one day, maybe, just maybe, you’ll realise that you don’t hate him and you’ll regret that he wasn’t there.”

It took all of your self control not to snarl at Tony again.

“I don’t want him there. End of story.” You said, slamming the coffee pot down so hard it shattered.

You and Tony froze and looked at it.

“I’ll clean that up.” You whispered.

“Uh yeah, you will. And fine, invite literally everyone at Xavier’s except your biological father... that won’t be awkward. Especially since Remy RSVP’d yes...” He said, rolling his eyes.

You ignored him and started sweeping up the broken glass, trying to breathe through the anger. Not only was wedding planning was getting to you, you were waking up every night from nightmares about falling and indescribable pain.

Bucky was almost as exhausted as you but he was holding the both of you together, taking over as much of the wedding stuff as he could so you could spend the days at the school, helping Ryan adjust.

The young boy was skittish and nervous, always looking around like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and everything to go wrong. His mutation was powerful and amazing, he had to the power of manifestation, something that lay in the realm of telekinesis. Whatever he pictured, happened. On the plane he had been picturing escaping, freedom and had inadvertently blown the plane doors off.

Two nights this week so far he’d been too scared to be left alone and you’d stayed at the school so you could be close by, which when your nightmares came was awkward.

It was Logan’s face you saw when your eyes snapped open and he looked concerned. You looked away in shame that he had seen you so vulnerable and come to wake you up.

“You good?” Logan’s gruff voice asked you.

You took a deep breath and turned round to glare at him coldly. You bit your tongue, he had just woken you up from the nightmare and you didn’t want to start a fight in the middle of the night so you nodded at him. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Your eyes flicked to the clock on the bedside. 4:37am. You were supposed to be up soon anyway, you had to stick with Ryan for his first day of classes. Logan saw you check the clock and deduced what you were thinking easily.

“I’ll put coffee on.” He grunted at you and left without waiting for a response, closing the door to the spare room and leaving you in solitude.

Your jaw clenched automatically as you violently tore the spare clothes Jean had given you out of the wardrobe and pulled them on before creeping downstairs as quietly as you could.

When you got to the kitchen you stopped dead with a almost comical look of confusion on your face.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” You asked.

Logan looked up from the pan he was currently manning, trademark cigar hanging from his mouth and the ash from it precariously close to dropping into the pan.

“Making breakfast, .” He muttered, flicking the cigar ash into the sink and looking up at you.

“You Avengers eat that sort of thing right?” He asked sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head in exasperation

Logan stayed silent, choosing to focus instead on pushing the bacon around the pan. The sounds of it sizzling were the only sounds in the kitchen as you sighed heavily and tried to think of something to say. You didn’t hate your father anymore exactly but you didn’t exactly know what to say around him either and the feeling was mutual.

You went to pour yourself a cup of coffee and paused, a cup was already poured for you. Your eyes flicked up to Logan who was watching you, a challenge on his face. You suddenly felt exhausted, what had it come to between you that a cup of damn coffee was such a big thing? Your shoulders tensed up as you clenched the mug in your fist and brought it to your lips. Logan’s eyes watched her carefully as you drank and you forced a friendly grin as you sat down.

“Thanks.” You said.

“You’re welcome.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“I don’t know how to act around him, I don’t know whether I hate him or I want his approval.” You admitted, throwing yourself dramatically onto the green sofa.

“It’s natural to seek approval from a father figure but understandable that you also feel anger at the father who abandoned you.” Doc Samson reasoned.

“He didn’t abandon me.” You responded.

“Logically you know that, do your emotions know that though?”

You didn’t grace him with an actual answer, just grumbled at him.

“Alright, let’s talk about something else. How have your murderous tendancies been?” He said, changing the topic to a no less pleasent one.

“I haven’t killed anyone since I chucked a dude out of a plane.” You said proudly, preening.

God, how were you proud of yourself for not killing someone in w whole week?

“And how has your mood been?” He pressed.

“Awful. I can feel the anger in me building and building, every little thing annoys me and I find myself justifying things in my mind that aren’t justifiable. Like killing the caterer would be totally fine so long as nobody knew it was me.”

“The longer you go without killing the more your morals loosen. Are you worried that if you keep shoving your darker impulses away that Vernichtung will be reborn?” He asked.

Well if that wasn’t hitting the nail on the head you didn’t know what was.

“It’s how she was born in the first place, now I’m merged with her all that darkness is my responsibility but I still have the good in me. The good seems further and further away every day.” You told him, grabbing a box of kleenex and tossing it in the air and catching it.

“Letting it out in controlled bursts, unleasing on criminals and villians... It seems like a win/win strategy so why are you resisting?” He asked you.

“Because it’s getting harder and harder to hide it. I can’t keep dissapearing, sooner or later someone’s going to figure out that the mysterious killer who accompanies Deadpool on the same nights I’m with him is me.” You said.

“Well it seems to me that all you need is a better cover story.” He suggested.

You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Are you really sanctioning murder and lying to my loved ones?” You asked him.

“Nobody can tie me back to you, that’s why we meet in this empty building and not my office. So I’m free to reccomend what is best for you, not what I’m supposed to reccomend. You are not normal, it would be stupid of me to treat you like you were. I’m sanctioning you letting out your darkness on those who deserve it before you hurt your loved ones, and lying is often just another word for protecting.”

“So you think I should find a better way to hide my bloody hobbies so I can go about my killing ways without arousing suspicion?” You clarified.

“I do.”

“Ok, I’ll work on it.”

“Now, your wedding is in a few days and you’ll be in Vegas for your hen party before that. Don’t you think you should see your friend Deadpool tonight?”

“Yeah, best go on a little murder spree before I end up Deathwaving half the wedding party...” You agreed.

“Excellent, well then I shall see you again after your honeymoon.” He said, standing up.

“You sure you can’t come to the wedding?” You asked his as you left.

“I’m afriad not, I have plans with my brother this weekend.” He said with a mischevios smirk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You: I need to see you tonight.

Daddypool: GREAT! Cause I have a wedding present for you...

You: If it’s another tasteful nude, I don’t want it. (Though I do think the strateically placed daffodils were a nice touch.)

Deadpool: I told you, I meant to send it to Cap not you.

You: So that’s why he was screaming. What’s the present then?

Deadpool: Not a what, a who. A very naughty boy who needs punished and it’s not me.

“Hello Kitten.” Someone whispered in your ear and in a very unherolike display of bravery you shrieked and threw your phone in the air, twisting round to glare at a smirking Loki with your hand clasped to your heart.

“Stop doing that!” You yelled at him.

He chuckled at you as you picked up your phone off the ground.

“What do you want?” You snapped at him.

“I need a favour dear kitten, I have plans this evening that I would prefer remain unknown. I need you to say you are with me if anyone asks.” He told you.

You started to question him but stopped, this was perfect. You and Loki could be each other Alibi’s.

“Alright, I’ll do it. Try not to do anything too diabolical though.” You said.

He just smirked at you and you hoped you weren’t making a mistake. You ddin’t think whatever he was doing would be too bad though... It was Loki and he was a good person deep down, he’d never betray you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Aight, I'm just gonna say it... Loki is a great therapist.

SO BEGINS THE WEDDING SHENNANGINS! I'd love to hear your hopes, fears and theories for what's going to go down over the course of these chapters. We've got Vegas for the hen party, that'll go well right? Will the ceremony go off without a hitch? Will there be drama amongst the fluff at the reception? Where will they Honeymoon? Just how much smut can I write?

@nerdandproud-86 @harrison-shot-first @thejourneyneverendsx @thelostallycat @inquisitor-selvala @the-corruptor @iovher @kendrawr-kitkat @phoenix-whiskey-tears @the–real-wombat @buckitybarnes @fairislesheets @angieptt @meganjonezzzz @dugan365 @fluffeh-kitty @memanda17 @krystallynx @theonelittleone @piscesbarnes @free-as-fishes @tarastudiesalot @captainamericasbeard @dropthepizza346 @jaynnanadrews @likes-to-smell-books @drdorkus @life-wanderer @metalarmlover @animegirlgeeky @jsmith509 @chipilerendi @nerdy-bookworm-1998 @ericasabe @gravedollie666 @madlykpopfan @l0kisbitch @mywinterwolf @sassysweetstories @life-wanderer @jessieray98 @littledeadrottinghood @myfandomlife-blog @spnrvt @dahkness @sexyvixen7 @dilaila95

#hattersmarvelverse #Bucky x Reader #Bucky Barnes #bucky series #stark reader #tony stark x reader #loki x reader

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