#to bring me the fruits of your gimmick

[1337sp34kr]

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i summon thee, gimmick blogs, to bring me the fruits of your gimmick. failure to do so will result in death.

[pearandpinapple]

I thought I'd follow up my previous post by differentiating amongst the types of clown meat products i could find. This is not a full list by any means, clown meat products are popping left and right as of lately, and new patterns and flavors are being put out into the market almost every month.

As always, be safe in clown consumption, check producers and laws before purchasing and eating.

A quick disclaimer, this blog isn't affiliated with Carnival Cuts Co. here on Tumblr, but will feature some of their products, giving an honest review of their meat selection . As far as I'm aware, they're the biggest corporation working with clown meat, so it's only fair they get mentioned.

This is what most of you associate with Carnival Cuts Co. Products, this is the "Meat Clown"® variety. As far as I'm aware, it's made from free range clowns that live a happy life, and you can taste the happiness in it. It's overall a refreshing cut of meat that brings a smile to your face. Overconsumption of this product (more than 5 slices per adult person, as per label) does cause some mild hysteria and uncontrollable laughter, and discretion is advised, but in comparison to the other products they're much more manageable and curable. 8/10, honestly one of the best mass produced clown meat product.

Now this. This is NOT a Carnival Cuts Co. Product. The difference is clear. The white border, the sinister smile. DO. NOT. PURCHASE. THIS. PRODUCT. You'd think it's a cheaper, more affordable and maybe blander version of the "Meat Clown"®, but this is just. Terrible. You'll find it marketed as "Clowns' Face" or something like it to avoid copyright, and i do think it's made from clowns' faces specifically. Tastes horrible, even a slice of this made me paranoid and hyper aware. -3/10

Now this. This is a baffling product. It's a mass produced meat cut, by KR Castlemaine, which confuses me on where the clowns are kept. Are they in a farm? Are they roleplaying as jesters? As you can read from the label it does say it's Gluten Free and marketed towards children, and that may explain why i found this sickly sweet. It's pasty, it's an overall a divisive product in my opinion, you're either going to love it, or hate it. And i found it... just confusing. ????/10

Another "Meat Clown"® off brand, but this time, it's actually edible! It somewhat tastes more like the plastic, with a rubbery and springy texture, but for those two recommended slices per day, boy is it good. Eating too much of it seems to make you think clowns are frogs and viceversa, which is...weird 6.5/10

Now this. This may look like another "Meat Clown"® offbrand, but it's actually a brand new cut! It's called "Happy Monkey"® (as you can see on the label) and it's specifically made from circus clowns! Its flavor keeps you on your toes, wondering if you're going to throw up or greatly enjoy it, so I'm going to give it 5/10. I deducted 2 points from my original opinion for the flavor russian roulette you'll be subjected to.

-48638283627203/10 I don't need to explain this one. This is the worst.

This I've come to find out since my last post is the most common type of clown meat that's commercialized in Southern Europe! And i think it's like that for a very good reason, it's flavor is different from everything I've tasted, it's salty, it's savory, it goes well with fruits and best paired with honey. A great marketing gimmick to put a bear instead of a clown to suggest food pairings. This is a strong 8.5/10 for me.

Let me know if you see more clown meat products out in the wild, I'll be happy to sacrifice my taste buds to give you a honest opinion about clown meat products.

:D

[beevean]

I think Frontiers has such low replay value for a few reasons:

While you can traverse the islands non-linearly, there is legit just very little that rewards your curiosity. There's no cool hidden items that you can find if you search for them, at most a few pretty places you probably would have gone to anyway if you want to complete the map for 100% each. So once you've gone and fully completed each map, you've basically seen it all already.

The game can be rather rail-roading: on Chaos Island, for example, there's a few smaller islands you can basically only ever go through in the same one or two ways. Picking the wrong way will bring you to a place where you don't need to go to anymore. Good luck if you can't find the correct paths, though, because it is very difficult to make out just where the heck rails and the like lead you.

Talking about the items: there's like... five, six of them total to be found on the map? You've got the attack and defence fruits, the Koco, the memory tokens, Experience Points, rings... and that is basically the gist of it, even if I feel like I'm forgetting stuff (which is not a good sign at all, since that means it is forgettable). It gets very boring very quickly to have those be the only things you ever find. To bring back BotW, if you went out of your way to go explore the game usually rewards you with a strong weapon or useful item... because it's got hundreds of weapons and items you can collect. Not just a mere six or so on the islands, who eventually become moot anyway if you've fully upgraded Sonic and his skill tree.

The world is just empty. There's legit nobody interesting to talk to, other than perhaps Sage and Sonic's friends, who disappear afterwards from those spots. And furthermore, they have the problem that you can go through their developments completely unhingedly depending on where you find them, so you can easily have Sonic and Sage chat cordially on the final island and then go back to the first and have her be blunt and rude instead. I would have liked a 'good ending' where Sonic helped his friends and Sage through taking the time to talk to them fully on each island before going to the next and a 'bad ending' where he did not do that, but alas...

So yeah, overall the replay value is low because once you've put in some effort on your first run, there is nothing that rewards you for doing more. Everything you get is the same constantly, and if you went and 100% completed the maps and talked to everyone the first time, there's just nothing new to be found on new playthroughs.

Btw I should add that the game has such poor replayability to me that I haven't even picked it up despite the various updates throughout the year already, so maybe things have become better and I just haven't noticed them yet. Maybe😅

As always, huge W for ShTH, King of Replay Value ❤️

I'm starting to think that it's not my issue if I can't watch a playthrough of the game without getting bored lol. But more seriously, it's a shame, because Sonic games have usually high replay value, through their level design with multiple routes or the ranking system, or exceptional cases like Advance 3's gimmick.

Sage was really wasted. Her interactions with Sonic are 99% "you will die" "how?" "go fuck yourself I'm not telling you", until we're supposed to care about her and her NANANANANANA. A sidequest where you have to make the effort to befriend Sage? Teach her what a loving relationship is, making her realize that Eggman doesn't actually care about her like she hoped to? And maybe unlocking her as help during the final boss? It would have been something new and interesting! oh well.

(also yeah I read that part about Khaos Island. It doesn't sound fun. Why rail road part of your open world like that?)

[stillhavetodothat]

Replaying Nancy Drew without Cheating - Part 11: Secret of the Old Clock

UGHH. I am so torn on how to even discuss this game. Do I absolutely love the 1930s gimmick, to honor the anniversary of the Nancy Drew books? Of course. It is adorable, and it is charming. I recently read the first 4 books of the Nancy Drew series, which was an interesting experience (the narrator never fails to mention how attractive Nancy is, nor how absolutely flawless she is in everything she does), but it does make me appreciate more the fact that HerInteractive decided to make this game. I can now forgive them for creating a hole in the space-time continuum by randomly plopping an 18-year-old Nancy down in 1930 in between two current-day games, which my young mind could neither understand nor accept.

In general, though, this game may be one of my least favorites that I’ve played so far in the Replaying Nancy Drew Without Cheating project. I don’t DISLIKE any Nancy Drew game by any means, but this one had a lot of tedium. I mean a lot. It manages to be an extremely easy game with some of the most frustrating puzzles of any game - I’m thinking mini golf, Jim Archer’s wife’s dress, driving your car and delivering telegrams. By the end, I wasn’t sad for it to be over.

Was I tempted to cheat this game? No, not once. I’m not sure if the games are getting easier as I go on, if my patience is growing in resolve, or if the gameplay is just more linear, or maybe a combination of all three, but it has been a few games since I’ve felt like I needed a hint. This game is perfect if you want to relax, enjoy some bright colors and upbeat vintage music, or think 1930s slang is delightful; ultimately though, it is a bit forgettable. 

Here are some of my thoughts:

1. I'll give props to the opening of the game with this cut-scene. You really dive head-first into small town America, nearly a century ago, complete with a fun narration to really get you in the mood. Who is Emily Crandall? Why DID she invite Nancy out to the Lilac Inn? What IS the Lilac Inn? It gets you brimming with questions, and you’re not even out of the car yet.

2. I know this is low-hanging fruit as far as complaints go, and anyone who has played this game has probably mentioned it at one point or another, but the driving interface is a nightmare. I switched between using my keyboard and using my mouse, but each option was equally torturous. My goal this playthrough was to have to deliver as few telegrams as possible, and I still heard “WELCOME TO ZIPPY’S!!” squawked at me over half a dozen times.

3. I really wish the people of Titusville would stop insulting me by acting like they WOULD give me a tip, with some bullshit excuse as to why they can’t. Everyone in that town can suck it as far as I’m concerned.

4. Speaking of the asshole residents of Titusville, by far one of the most irritating parts of the game is that infinitely long quest you’re sent on just to get that stupid trivet (ultimately ended up being necessary, but Christ bro, the fact that I needed to bring 5 toys to Mrs. O’Shea, FREE OF CHARGE, just to get raffle tickets that were already owed to Miss Jakowski, AND THEN MRS. O’SHEA HAD THE GALL TO TELL ME SHE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE TICKETS AND I HAD TO GO PICK THEM UP MYSELF??? My blood was BOILIN).

5. Is this the one and only game with TWO culprits? And are these the two most loathesome culprits in the entire world? In all honesty, I hate Jane mostly because she is absolutely hideous. Her weaponized incompetence grinds my gears, and yes, the fact that she is putting a vulnerable, recently orphaned minor through hell in the hopes of a profit is certainly morally evil, but it’s mostly that face and horrible, bottle-dyed hairstyle (did they have bottle dye in the 1930s?). Richard Topham is just a loon with the stiffest, most awkward posture I’ve ever seen. I can’t stand conversing with either of them.

My god, just look at that face.

6. This is a weird period for the ND characters. I feel like the devs were trying something out here? They are so blurry, their movements so unnatural. I think Her is on the prescipice of improved animation, but they aren’t quite there yet.

7. Puzzles I enjoyed: Bard’s Bounce (taken from some of the earlier games, and I enjoy it every time). The pies (love a good logic puzzle, and those things looked delicious). Using the HAM radio to talk to Josiah’s old radio friends (Josiah seemed like an interesting guy, so I actually enjoyed this aspect of the story-telling).

Puzzles I did not enjoy: Mini-golf (I saw recently somewhere that you should save between each hole you get par on, so that if you fail the next hole you can just open your old save. This is absolutely genius and would have saved me so much heartache. Why is this game so hard? Why is “I hit it too hard” the only thing Nancy knows how to say in this entire segment?). Sewing the dress (this is, first of all, not how sewing works at all). Topham’s idiotic guess-the-card challenge (did I mention how much of an idiot this guy is?).

8. The number of times I had to watch some of these cut-scenes, like the golf ball on the train or the shed’s attic opening up, was excessive. I appreciate the animations, but don’t make me watch it 10 times in a row.

9. I found it absolutely hilarious that at the end of the game, when you’re chasing Jane around town, if you lose her or fail to cut her off at the state line, the newspapers somehow make it your fault. Not hers for committing fraud, or for grand theft, but yours, a random teenager, for not driving like enough of a maniac as you for some reason take law enforcement into your own hands.

I wish I had more positive things to say about this game. It's a nice change of pace, coming on the heels of Curse of Blackmoor Manor. It’s fun. It’s cute. It just isn’t my favorite. Curse of Blackmoor is probably my all-time favorite, and Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon is up there too, so CLK is a bit of a bump in the road for me.

[claitea]

art fight is soon and i havent done a Single new oc ref since last year

in case you want info on them

esen is the leader of the three-person party of her, dayn and florian after they split from their original parties, since they worked best together. she helps to document heartless behavior and how to fight them and gives that info to the rest of the vulpes union. she's curious to a fault and often gets distracted trying to research new heartless while literally in the middle of fighting them. lives in the lighthouse and sails keykids to the island. sometimes sells her drawings at florian's fruit and veg shop.

chip used to be a very shy kid, until he went on his pokemon journey and learned to come out of his shell. he became a gym leader in the starting town because he knows how scary starting a journey can be and wants to support new trainers. he is the definition of a handholdy tutorial, like if you dont bring a flying type before his battle he'll ask if you want to catch one, before being told off by his sister cassidy for being too coddling and starting the battle anyway. as a surprise he's also the champion of the region, excited to see how you've grown over your journey and fighting you full force.

cassidy is one of the lead developers for tms in the entire world. she's the one who gives you access to the tm crafting service and often appears to check on your progress and give you new tms. since she makes tms she researches pokemon moves; she's the fifth gym leader, part of her gym gimmick is that her pokemon all know torment, to force challengers to show her a variety of moves (and also stop flamethrower spammers she's so sick of this)

kalin is a ballet dancer, inspired by tales of meloetta and the red shoes it lost that fae heard as a kid. fae's mischievous, faer entire gym is designed to scare people. challengers are not told who the gym leader is or what they look like. doors lock behind you and you have to find hiding klefki to pass, a seemingly headless trainer chases you (turns out to be a disguised theatrigus, one of my fakemon), and at the very end theres a hall of portraits of the so far unnamed gym leader dating back to up to 100 years ago, however they seem to not age in any of them. the first pokemon kalin sends in is actually a zoroark to tip the player off that illusions were used to make the gym scarier. after beating the gym, kalin reveals that the gym has been passed down in faer family for years, all to keep the joke going and make it seem like the gym leader is immortal, a real faerie. kalin tells you faer real name and makes you promise not to reveal the gym's secrets. also yes i made a fairy gym leader just to give faer fae/faer pronouns the joke was too easy

not as much to lichen as the others haha. works at reid's coffee shop (another oc i have to fix the ref for but not as much motivation for xem as these other ones), sometimes runs a little arts and crafts event for kids in the shop. loves halloween and horror, outfit always has some kind of bat motif on it. might look scary but is genuinely sweet.

[bionicaitech]

Artificial Intelligence in business: How it can transform your business? - Bionic

This Blog was Originally Published at:

Artificial Intelligence in business: How it can transform your business? — Bionic

The day I chose to test an AI writing assistant remains fresh in my mind to this very day. One thing that overwhelmed me especially when I was a content writer was the amount of content that I was required to come up with regularly.

There were times I’d sit for hours in front of a computer screen struggling with writing. I could prepare an article for days, but, when it came down to writing, I would be hit with writer’s block. Once, a fellow blogger recommended this AI tool and I was like; “Why not? I don’t have anything to lose. I proceeded to use artificial intelligence in business.

Much to my amazement, the bot was not just a gimmick. It was, however, not about replacing my creativity; it was about enhancing it. It proposed headlines that fascinated me, my chaotic ideas to well-structured paragraphs, and ideas of which I was not aware before.

That’s when the lightbulb went off: if AI could transform how I generate content, then what about business organizations? The scenarios appeared limitless, the applications of AI seemed too many and I understood that I had to learn more about this AI-driven world.

Transforming Businesses through AI

AI is fundamentally about getting computers to be able to do what human beings do — and often better — learn from experience, understand language, perceive patterns, and make choices.

Think about how the news feeds of most social media platforms employ AI systems to select the information they think will interest you. Or consider voice-enabled personal assistants, such as Siri and Alexa, which recognize your voice and respond accordingly.

Furthermore, decision-making is being transformed through artificial intelligence for business. Using big data AI can find patterns that the human brain cannot see, and decisions that companies make can be more informed and precise.

However, AI is capable of providing much more than making processes faster and more personalized. It’s also fueling innovation. AI is increasingly being used from drug discovery to the development of new materials in research and development across sectors. However, creativity too is not being spared with machines known to create art and music.

The organizations that adopt this technology will be the ones that will prosper in the following years.

AI and Automation

AI-led automation is on the rise and redefining the future of work at a much faster pace than we realize. It is expected that by 2025, around 85 million jobs will be lost due to automation, on the other hand, 97 million jobs may be created which are more suitable for human and machine collaboration.

This is not only about factories and robots coming to replace workers. The application of automation technology is gradually entering all spheres of human life and activity, including the healthcare system, the financial sector, and the sphere of art. For example:

Logistics: Autonomous trucks are already being piloted, set to disrupt the shipping and delivery industries.

Agriculture: Fruits and vegetables are being harvested by robots, which means that productivity in a given period increases and the cost of labor is cut down.

Customer Service: Most product inquiries, complaints, and comments are now being addressed by artificial intelligence-based chatbots and self-service tools with human intervention limited to more relevant and important calls.

Healthcare: The robots are now performing surgery, giving out prescriptions, and even offering social interaction to the patients who need it.

The potential of people losing their jobs because of this may sound rather gloomy but automation also brings with it many possibilities. Repetitive activities can be kept for the machines, allowing the people to concentrate on creative, problem-solving, and meaningful tasks. It is going to increase the job demand for positions that involve critical thinking, problem-solving, and emotional intelligence. AI and business are going to complement each other in the near future.

So, the next time you encounter an automated system, whether it’s a self-checkout kiosk at the grocery store or a chatbot answering your questions online, remember: it is not just a question of job substitution. It is about changing the way we do things and making sure that we find ways of being productive in a world that is slowly being overrun by technology.

AI and Decision-Making

Ever feel lost when having to go through heaps of data and not know where to start sorting and analyzing it? Well, AI does not sweat at all! It sifts through vast amounts of data and produces valuable insights that leave even the experienced business analyst pondering how they arrived at it. This superpower is revolutionizing how organizational decision-making processes, whether minor or major, take place.

Just think of being able to guess your clients’ desires before they are aware of them, to see some relatively dangerous opportunities in your financial statements, or to choose the best price level that will bring the maximum profit and remain comfortable for your clients. And that is exactly the sort of magic that AI is delivering to the boardroom.

It is not limited to branding alone; it is playing a significant part in day-to-day business operations such as marketing, purchasing, and even supply chain management.

AI and Customer Experience

Forget those robotic customer service reps that leave you wanting to pull your hair out. AI is flipping the script on customer experience, making it more human, more personalized, and way more fun.

Nowadays, when you’re browsing for a new pair of shoes online, instead of scrolling through endless pages of irrelevant options, a chatbot pops up. It’s like your own personal stylist, asking questions about your style, budget, and occasion, then suggesting shoes that perfectly match your needs.

AI-powered customer service is becoming smarter and more empathetic. Chatbots can now understand your emotions, adapt their responses accordingly, and even escalate complex issues to human agents seamlessly.

And if you’re worried about privacy, rest assured that AI is also making strides in protecting your data and ensuring secure transactions.

AI and Innovation

In the innovation game, AI is the wild card that’s changing the rules. Forget tedious lab work and endless trial and error. AI is like having a tireless research assistant with a turbocharged brain.

It can sift through mountains of data, spot patterns humans might miss, and even generate creative solutions we wouldn’t have dreamed of.

Take drug discovery, for instance. Instead of spending years synthesizing and testing countless compounds, AI algorithms can analyze existing data and predict which molecules are most likely to be effective against a particular disease. This can shave years off the development timeline and bring life-saving treatments to patients faster.

But AI’s creative spark doesn’t stop at medicine. It’s composing original music, designing cutting-edge fashion, and even crafting marketing campaigns that resonate with consumers on a deeper level. Who knows, the next viral TikTok dance might be choreographed by an algorithm!

The bottom line? The companies that embrace AI as a tool for innovation will be the ones leading the charge in the years to come.

Whatever you are studying right now, if you are not getting up to speed on deep learning, neural networks, etc., you lose. We are going through the process where software will automate software, automation will automate automation. -Mark Cuban

Other Use Cases of AI

Besides being at the forefront of innovation and providing amazing customer experiences in the business realm, AI automation has other use cases too. Some of them are:

1. Recruitment and HR

There are a large number of activities and paperwork in recruitment and HR processes, which allows automation in this sphere. HR activities like employee recruitment and selection, advertising for jobs, clearing pre-screening criteria, and any other compliance issues on new employees, timesheets, exit interviews, and performance appraisals could enhance automation benefits. This not only helps save time, but frees up HR teams to concentrate on business-critical processes such as employee training, cultural change initiatives, and wellness programs.

2. Invoice processing

If too many invoices are managed manually, they can be inaccurate and time-consuming at the same time. Through Business Process Automation, the workflow of invoices can be automatically processed so that payments are made on time to the vendors without misfiling or incorrect entries. It enables the accounts team to focus on key activities like budget choices and estimates which in turn increases organizational efficiency.

3. Sales and marketing

Sales and marketing are areas that are most impacted by AI automation solutions enhancing resource management, sales estimates, and clerical work among others. In sales, automation helps to respond quickly to potential customers with prices and also approval on prices and offers. In marketing, AI automation is useful in email marketing, managing leads, and effectively nurturing the leads to capture them. This makes AI automation cost-effective and achieves business goals.

4. Finance and Accounting

There are advanced expense management systems with AI technology that can handle everything from receipt submission to reimbursement. In many organizations these systems are used in the same way as recognition systems, using past data to predict expenditure patterns and identify possible discrepancies or fraud. This not only shortens the time which is taken to make a reimbursement and to collect the money from the clients but also improves the probability of checking the accounts and minimizing the chances of fraud.

5. IT and cybersecurity

AI systems consistently monitor the load on the network, records of activities, and historical data to find patterns associated with cybersecurity threats. This comprises of identifying real-time threats, intrusions, or any suspicious activity to enable the organization to contain threats as they occur.

6. Legal

AI is highly valuable for legal work because it can quickly analyze legal contracts for specific terms and clauses, as well as any problems that may exist. It can mark concerns, errors, or violations so that legal teams can concentrate on key aspects and make appropriate decisions decreasing the likelihood of omitting something and increasing the likelihood of accurate, thorough contract analysis.

Challenges and Considerations

While the progress towards an AI-driven society seems inevitable, it may be helpful to pause for a moment and think about possible obstacles. The growth of Artificial Intelligence has taken a very big turn in the last decade, and as a result, it has created some serious ethical issues and challenges in society.

Bias in Algorithms: As in humans, bias can be passed down from data set to AI. This often results in prejudice, particularly in aspects such as employment, credit, and even justice systems. It is crucial to prevent AI systems from furthering existing injustices by using a dataset that has a balanced representation of people from all communities.

Data Privacy: AI loves data, and the data it is fed often contains personal data, which is often private. While training the AI systems, we must not forget the privacy laws that govern the rights of individual persons. This is why it is critical that data protection laws are strong and that there are clear and accurate data handling practices in place.

AI Hallucinations: AI is not without its flaws. It can, at times, ���hallucinate,’ meaning it can produce outputs that are not meaningful or fabricating. This can give rise to serious implications where accuracy is paramount such as in the health, financial, or legal sector. Strict processes, which can help in detecting and preventing AI hallucinations, should be established to increase the safety of relevant AI systems. Learn more about AI hallucination here.

An unsettling and weird image created by an AI System

Overcoming the Challenges

To overcome the challenges and considerations outlined in the previous section, it is crucial to adopt a balanced approach that grounds AI in real-world data and involves human oversight.

Grounding AI in Real World Data

Grounding AI in real-world data is a crucial strategy for overcoming the challenges and considerations associated with the growth of Artificial Intelligence. By anchoring AI systems in concrete, tangible information, we can mitigate the risks of bias, data privacy breaches, job displacement, and AI hallucinations. Know more about Grounding AI here.

Human-in-the-Loop

Maintaining a human in the loop approach, where critical decisions made by AI systems are reviewed and validated by human experts is a crucial approach. This ensures that AI outputs are accurate, meaningful, and aligned with human values and ethical principles. Know more about the Human in the Loop approach here.

Conclusion

Look, I’ve seen firsthand how AI has supercharged my content writing career. If AI can do that for a humble content writer like me, imagine what it can do for your business. Whether you’re a mom-and-pop shop or a Fortune 500 company, AI is the secret sauce that will set you apart from the competition.

Start small, and experiment with AI-powered tools that align with your business goals. Maybe it’s a chatbot to handle customer inquiries, an algorithm to optimize your inventory, or a data analytics tool to uncover hidden insights. There are tons of resources out there to help you get started, from online courses to consultants who specialize in AI for business.

And do not forget that AI is not our enemy that wants to take our jobs but it is here to help us. When utilized responsibly and with proper regard to the ethical aspect, AI has the potential to generate a future that is beneficial for companies, employees, and customers. So let us become curious, let us be creative, and let us harness AI for the good of the world, one bit at a time.

Tired of wasting hours on tedious, repetitive tasks that drain your energy and distract you from your important work? Bionic is an easy-to-use automation tool that takes care of your time-consuming, repetitive work. Request a demo now!

[kanupriyakhanna]

5 DIET RULES I DON’T BELIEVE IN

1.DETOX DAYS

There are no foods or products that detox our bodies. The liver is the best detoxification organ in nature, followed by our kidneys, gut and lungs. Most products that claim to ‘detox’ are marketing gimmicks to increase sales or draw in the unsuspecting customer.

Eating a balanced healthy diet and keeping yourself well hydrated, physically active and mentally well is all that is needed.

2. AVOID FROZEN FOODS, FRESH IS ALWAYS BEST:-

A long standing myth about frozen foods is that they are devoid of nutrition. In fact, frozen foods compare very well with fresh produce in nutrient density. This is because fruits and vegetables that are normally frozen are picked at the peak of their ripeness, which also means that they are at their most nutrient dense. They may then be treated slightly like being blanched, peeled, chopped or cut before being frozen. The time between them being picked from farms and getting frozen is a few hours, and so they retain most of their nutrition.

3. LOW FAT OPTIONS ARE HEALTHIER:-

Fat is an essential component of our diets and our health. Many vitamins cannot be absorbed by our bodies without fat, for e.g vitamins A, D and E. our brain needs fat to function as do many other organs and systems. What is important to remember though is that they type of fat you’re consuming can be unhealthy or unhealthy. So, opt for cold pressed oils over refined oils, avocado, nuts and seeds over fried foods, etc.

Processed low fat foods that you buy from the market may appear healthier and more attractive, but they likely contain too much added sugar, and are best avoided.

4. CHEAT MEAL ON THE WEEKEND IS ALLOWED:-

I do not believe in the very concept of a cheat meal. The moment we label something as ‘cheat’, we assign a value to it: either guilt or something that brings happiness once attained. Both these emotions when attached to certain foods are unhealthy.

One must feel free to eat their favourite foods whenever the urge hits (within reasonable boundaries). One does not need to wait for the weekend to eat their favourite pizza for e.g, but if the urge hits you thrice a week, then its unreasonable.

A good thing to also remember when eating such foods to watch your portion size. As long as you watch your frequency and quantity, and be reasonable, do indulge your urges.

5. LEFTOVER FOOD FROM THE PREVIOUS DAY SHOULD NOT BE CONSUMED:-

Another common myth is that food made a day previous loses its nutritional value or can be harbouring harmful bacteria and thus should be discarded.

Normally most leftovers stay well upto 3–4 days if refrigerated properly. After that it may become unsafe to eat and could cause food poisoning. A good way to identify if the food is safe to eat is by smelling it or tasting it. if it smells and taste the same, it should be good. There will be certain amount of loss of nutrients, but not enough to warrant discarding that food.

Always remember that the only rule you need to follow is of eating a variety of foods from all food groups in moderation while indulging your cravings occasionally.

To know more or if you need further help, get in touch with me, Kanupriya Khanna, one of the best Dietitians and Nutritionists in Delhi.

[books-and-catears]

Hi just binged read all your works and I love your writing! I wanted to request a scenario where the brother's react to an MC that has beautiful long hair that they always take special care of. Then one day MC comes home from school crying and her hair has been cut short and unevenly by some jealous demons at school. "I know it's stupid and it will grow back but, I just feel humiliated. I really liked how it was."

Awww hello there sweetie! I'm so glad to hear you find my works binge readable :') Thank you so much for the ask :3

And oof the angst is heavy with this one. I love it! I'll try and do my best.

Lucifer

He had always admired your long hair from afar and how meticulously you took care of it.

Sometimes when he patted your head for a job well done, he could feel how soft it was under his touch.

So imagine his shock when you enter the house with tear stained eyes, and your hair badly cut away.

"MC..." Lucifer approaches you calmly, "tell me who did this?" His demon form and gaze meant someone would be dying soon.

You cry and tell them about the demons at school. "It's only hair I know it will grow back but still..."

"It's not only hair. Having your hair cut without your will is highly disrespectful and scum behaviour." He holds and comforts you as you cry and disappears into the night after you've fallen asleep.

You never see those demons in class ever again.

Mammon

He thinks your hair is really pretty. Sometimes he'll just play with it lovingly whenever he was bored.

Even joked about it fetching a pretty penny if you decided to cut and sell it to which you gave him a death glare.

He regrets that joke now - as he sees in walk in through the door with your hair less than half in length and messy.

"Guess they had the same idea as you Mammon." You try to choke out a laugh.

"I didn't want this..." You try so hold back tears, feeling the loss of the length. Mammon anxiously pets your head trying to comfort you.

"I've got ya human. I'll definitely take care of this." Mammon promises.

Later on he comes home with a bottle of enchanted hair serum. "Don't worry I had Satan check it for any side effects. It will help ya hair grow back faster, human. So don't cry anymore okay?"

Leviathan

Wow MC you have anime protagonist style hair! So cool! He loved it when you tried on different styles, reminding him of new characters everytime.

Also absentmindedly plays with your hair whenever you both watch anime together. Was conscious at first, but now he was open with it.

When you walk in his room, with your hair cut and dishevelled like that, his demon form flares up. You try to weakly smile, "Do anime characters have this current hair like me?"

"Who did this MC?! Tell me and I'll summon Lotan on them!" He is so furious he is about to cry. He cannot seeing you in so much pain.

Later on, after dinner, he comes into your room with a wig. "This is the closest I could find to your original style. You can wear this until your hair grows back if you like MC!"

Satan

Also another one who loved to thread his fingers as you both read books together. He said you reminded him of Rapunzel, the long haired princess stuck in a tower.

It was a fun gimmick between the two of you where'd he say, "MC, MC, let down your beautiful hair."

And you'd flick it at him and he softly held parts of it together as you both laughed in glee.

So imagine his absolute wrath, when he finds you crying in the library with all your beautiful length gone and an uneven trim.

"Guess I can't be your Rapunzel anymore huh?" You try to appear happy but your red eyes give away the truth.

He calmly sits behind you, smoothening your hair with his fingers, in the same comforting way as before. "When the old witch found shout how Rapunzel and the prince were meeting, she cut off her hair, blinded both of them and exiled them. But she found her Prince either way."

The next day, he enchanted you with protection spells and hair illusion so it looked like your was still here.

And the bullies met the witches fate. Dead and forgotten.

Asmodeus

Out of all the brothers, he takes the best care of your hair and that's a fact. Is literally obsessed with how amazing you look with it.

Love that fact that you also take care of it. Sometimes he washes and styles your hair for you too. It's almost therapeutic for him.

When you walk into his room crying and he sees your hair in that state, he almost starts crying along with you in a state of frenzy.

"I just feel... humiliated." You cried in his arms. He pats your head, immediately bringing out a bunch of products and a pair of scissors.

"Let me fix that for you, darling. I'm sure you'll look just as pretty in short hair." He cuts and styles your hair to look so pretty.

Also the demons come into class the next day bald. Asmo charmed them into shaving their hair.

Beelzebub

Beel was honestly someone who simply didn't care that much about hair. It just thought it looks pretty on you when you tied your hair up for work outs.

The only close contact with your hair he had is when you got whipped cream in your hair while baking. He was about to nibble it clean.

When you come into his room with that state, he is generally confused. "What happened MC? Where did your hair go?"

"They cut and took it." You sniffled and rested your head on his chest. He immediately hugs you protectively. They? Who they? He needed to have a talk with THEY.

Asks Solomon and Satan, gets you fruits and foods that help with faster hair growth and measures the increase regularly.

Belphegor

He loved planting his face in your hair as you both slept. Your hair was always soft and smelled nice.

He had sweet dreams with you sleeping next to him. He love nuzzling into it like a pillow.

But the day, found you laying down and crying in your bed with half hour hair gone, be knew immediately what was up.

"Sleeping helps with hair growth. And stress is bad for it. Come let's nap. And then you can tell me which demons dared to do that to you." He pulls you in close and nuzzles your hair like before.

The demon bullies? Yeah noone knows where they went.

[srbachchan]

DAY 5200

Jalsa, Mumbai                May 11,  2022               Wed 11:55 PM

May the 12th .. and the to the Ef who have birth .. Deepa Krishna & Iris Sharara .. our love and strength .. 🌿 And to Ef RB Prajapati .. their 3rd wedding anniversary on the 11th .. greetings and the wishes of togetherness .. 💍💕

Birthday  EF - Deepa Krishna .. Iris - fan Israel .. Thursday, May 12 and all the wishes and greetings to both for a birthday of happiness .. love from the Ef ..

🌹❤️

At work .. 

Prayed for the passing of Pandit Shiv Kumar ji .. at the home where he is placed .. old and past memories fly past, with the family .. and ..

at work .. 

its heartless .. but so is life .. filled with the necessary elements of existence ..

.. a surprised look at the location .. given to understand that it has been a location for BHTB .. but no .. its the old place of Jeetu , Jeetendra .. one that has been visited often .. for a quiet get together then .. now sold and in the belonging of another, but the upkeep the same .. 

fascinating how events turn about and come back to beginnings .. 

work is short and quick .. soon it shall be in reveal what it is .. 

there are strict rules and regulations now by the GOI and the ASCI guidelines , I think that is who they are , who have now given ruling that, Influencers - a new terminology for them that put up product pictures with mention or product pictures, to state that they are the sponsors, promotors etc., or in partnership.. else it is becoming illegal .. so several posts of mine have been given notices that the change should be done ... else .. ...😟 ya ..   !!

Its a tough life ain’t it ..

and all the ‘biggies’ that are buying out the ‘biggies’ of social media give reasons for incentives , increases etc., on the numbers - for that is what brings them the commercial ..

‘trolling’ is considered an asset .. for it encourages debate conversation and the topic is kept alive , because of the conversation ..

the greater the conversation the greater the numbers rise .. 🤪

so .. तुम मुझे जितनी गाली दोगे , जितनी आलोचना करोगे , उतना मैं और ऊपर जाऊँगा  !!

the more you abuse me the more you criticise me the more I shall rise !!

famous words of the determination of a great businessman that rewrote success history in the corporate world of this country .. 

.. and enacted by Bhaiyu in film ..

building the numbers on the social media is the horizon of success .. the more the numbers , the more they reflect the popularity .. the more the popularity the more the commerce .. 

many disagree and withdraw .. many encourage and build teams around .. its the GEnX of the future .. 

so what is wrong with that .. if there is the medium and opportunity, why shy away from it .. this generation has different mind sets .. do not argue with them or debate them .. they shall floor you .. 😄

a short pause .. the hand watch that comes from Apple, beeps and is telling me to ‘stand’ .. ‘you have been sitting for long’ ..

I gave up wearing time .. time now wears me .. that is the philosophy of the present  .. accept it .. envelope yourself in the varied facilities of modern technology , and be fortunate that the learning of its basics has assisted you in your everyday existence .. 

Nothing is unknown or unreachable .. the palm of the hand has it all .. 😆

the palm of the hand - the oblong-ed 7 billion + camera selfie equipments, that invaded humanity some years ago .. and what shall be next is beyond comprehension ..

NOT the ‘palm of the hand’ of mobile .. BUT, as in the lines of fortune that give indications from the palmistry qualified, about the lines that abound on the ‘hand , the palm of the hand’  .. how long ye shall live the life line , good kind or bad heart the heart line , your fortune , the bumps at the base of the fingers , your passion , the marriage , the sensitivity of your personae .. et al .. 

🤣🤣🤣 .. in College it was the most fruitful gimmick to get an opportunity to hold the girls hand .. 🤣

‘what ..! you can read palms ..? read mine na .. what does it say ..’

and the condescending facial attitude of a know all to sound in its ingenuity and guile to get the lady to give her your hand to hold and .. read ! 

the ‘reading’ was the greatest impromptu acting performance that would ensue .. the more the detailing the longer you held the hand  .. hahahaha ..

dear o dear .. the innocence of youth  .. 😜 

Good night .. and my love ❤️

Amitabh Bachchan

[delvalentine]

artem x reader drabble

prompt: cherry / writing challenge here

“well, miss? aren’t you impressed?”

marius wags the cherry stem in your face, looking smug. you can’t help but roll your eyes at the suggestive tone.

“anybody can tie a knot in a cherry stem.”

your conversation draws in vyn’s attention who was typing nearby. he raises an eyebrow inquisitively.

“i don’t believe i’ve tried.”

“i bet you can’t beat me, doc.” marius picks a cherry out of the bowl and tosses it to his tutor, who catches it in one hand. “my time was what, 10 seconds?”

you think it’s pretty accurate, though you hardly pay attention to him when he says “hey, look at what i can do!” anymore.

vyn makes a valiant effort but can’t beat 10 seconds, needing 20. it seems like his first time trying and it’s a good time for somebody who’s never done it before, but he has an irritable expression that marius gleefully doesn’t let go of.

luke was just observing from the sideline, but you rope him in. for somebody so multi-talented, he should be good at this too, right? even marius eggs him on, trying to place a bet that the “super spy hotshot” will lose. nobody wants his money, but you can tell everybody in the room is waiting with bated breath as luke sticks the stem into his mouth. he looks confused for a second before his brow scrunches up with determination. it only takes him a count of 9, and marius is devastated.

“you next,” luke says to you, looking pleased with himself.

“let me go again!” marius argues, reaching for a cherry. “i wasn’t really trying—”

“everybody should only get one try!” you rebut, smacking his hand out of the way. you pull a cherry out of the bowl. you haven’t tried this kind of gimmick since high school when it was all the rage and you’re not even sure if you can succeed; but you’ve got a competitive spirit, so you may as well try.

in your concentration you don’t notice artem walking in, clearly confused as he missed everything beforehand. you triumphantly spit out a knotted cherry stem and hear luke whistle in approval.

“eleven seconds.”

“what are you doing?” artem asks from behind you, scaring you lifeless. you whirl around. although he’s not technically your work partner-slash-boss in the NXX room, you feel the same crushing pressure as if it were his office.

“u-um, just a friendly competition of who can tie a knot the fastest.” you leave out the connotation of what it means.

“want to give it a shot, mr. wing?”

everybody in the room knows about artem’s painfully dry dating history. marius looks particularly giddy as he slides the bowl of fruit over. artem disinterestedly picks one out and plucks the stem off.

“i have to tie a knot using only my mouth?” he clarifies, looking skeptical. you’re a little embarrassed that he’s looking right at you.

“yeah.”

marius whips out his phone to time, clearly still hurt over luke’s victory. artem places the stem in his mouth, his expression deadpan. nobody thinks he can actually do it. but in literally five seconds, he removes a perfect knot from his teeth.

“does that mean i win?” he asks, bewildered as marius curses loudly, and he’s so innocent that you almost forget he’s 29 years old. it’s endearingly sweet. you want to congratulate him, but you don’t want him to take it the wrong way. vyn glances between you and him before an almost evil smirk slashes across his face.

“i suppose that means artem is the best kisser out of all of us. don’t you think, [name]?”

you’re mortified. artem looks shocked, his face turning red all the way to the tips of his ears. he looks down at the cherry stem in his hand helplessly.

“i…” his blue eyes keep darting away from yours, unable to hold your gaze. you also can’t seem to look him in the eye.

“oh, don’t worry about it—it’s just for fun!” you stammer, trying to salvage the situation.

“for a man who’s got no game, this is so unfair,” marius whines. you want to hit him with your documents. not helping.

of course, the one who had volunteered to take you home before the cherry fiasco was none other than mr. wing. the car ride is excruciatingly silent. you struggle to come up with other topics to talk about, but the thought of artem being a good kisser haunts your mind.

“what dr. richter said,” he suddenly brings up at a red light, staring forwards intently. “is that… really what it means?”

for a second you worry that you said something out loud by accident. you don’t even know how to reply, not expecting him to have brought it up first. he waits expectantly for an answer and you attempt to put coherent words together.

“it’s just a party trick people use to show off!” you try to reassure, but even you can tell you sound desperate. “it’s only a superstition that… it means you’re a good… y’know.”

despite the a/c, it feels scorchingly hot in the car. artem clears his throat awkwardly.

“i see. thank you for explaining.”

you’ve never been so excited for a ride to end. you hastily grab your bag and move to get out.

“good night,” artem calls out all of the sudden. you pause, but remember that no matter how embarrassed you are right now, he’s still your professional work partner. you steel yourself and eject the thoughts of artem making out with somebody in order to take him seriously.

“good night! drive home safe.”

“i will.”

he waits for you to walk into the building before pulling the cherry stem out of his pocket. the knot has started to dry, rigid in its preservation. he sighs in frustration and tosses it into a cup holder, out of his sight. a good kisser… he could only imagine.

there was only one person he’d even be willing to try with, after all.

[tamagochiie]

doing groceries w/ the msby four

character roster: sakusa kiyoomi, bokuto kotaro, hinata shoyo, atsumu miya 

genre: fluff, just a little angst (in bokuto’s part), established relationship 

a/n: i broke my glasses today, so i had to go out and get it fixed, but my favorite eye glasses store went MIA. so not only am i blind, but i’m also sad as hell. but i was able to think of a cute lil one shot while i was walking around the grocery store. 

also please don’t mind if there’s a few grammar errors uwu 

-- sakusa kyoomi 

the exact same way your mom holds your hand while wandering around the store is exactly what he’ll do to you

he doesn’t want you wandering away from him or accidentally break something he’ll have to end up paying for

the latter can be blamed on the one (and only) time he and bokuto did groceries together; tiny baby couldn’t stop touching things, he ended up breaking a vase

he also doesn’t want you catching other people’s germs

the whole ordeal gives him anxiety 

“Kiyoooomi~,” You whine, trying to slip away from his grip only to have him tighten it. You grumble your distaste for your boyfriend’s attitude. 

It’s been a whole hour since you’ve stepped into the store and he hasn’t let you go since. And though you usually wouldn’t mind it, the urge to pee comes to you in a surprise and you’ve been wanting to go to the bathroom for the last twenty minutes. 

But it’s not like your boyfriend cares enough to spare you a moment alone to alleviate yourself. He’d rather you wait a little longer until you get home, but his painstakingly slow pace down the aisle has you internally screaming. 

He’s got one hand tightly threaded between your fingers and the other pushing the cart. His eyes scan over the many canned vegetables before him, ignoring your protest and complaints. 

“You’re usually annoying about wanting to hold my hand,” He says through his mask, sighing deeply. “I’m hurt you all of a sudden wanna let go.” 

You glare at him and his cheap attempt to make you feel guilty. “You and I both know exactly why you’re holding my hand, and it’s got nothing to do with affection.” 

You squeeze your thighs together, doing a little dance to calm the urge to pee. Your eyes burn holes into your Sakusa’s skin and you hope its enough to make him uncomfortable, but he takes it well. 

“We’re almost done,” He tells you, taking a can off the shelf with his free hand. “I just need to get tissues and then we’re--”

“Sakusa Kiyoomi, if you don’t let me go right this second, I’ll pee on your hand right here, right now!” 

Without a second thought, he slaps your hand out of his hold, grimacing at you and your threatening words, muttering words of disgust beneath his mask as you sprint to the nearest restroom. 

-- bokuto kotaro 

you have to remind bokuto not to touch things before you leave the house AND before you get into the store

mans will touch every thing he sees without QUESTION;

shiny pan? cute little bear shaped spoons? anime themed plates? he’ll pick it up, bring it up to the light to inspect it, and because his hands are naturally sweaty, he might break a few

and you’re wallet runs dry by the time you walk out of that store

“That’ll be an extra 2,581 yen.” The cashier holds her hand out as you place your money onto the palm of your hand. It takes everything in you not to grab a shard of glass and dig it into your boyfriend’s thigh. 

You nod curtly before grabbing the rest of your bags and exiting the store. 

Bokuto shadows over you, but still gives you enough space to breathe. He’ll hover his hands over yours, trying to taking a couple of weight from your grasp as you walk back to the car but you shift away. 

He pouts. The rest of the walk is dead silent, but even you can hear the little whines in his heart, all the mental kicking he’s giving himself for doing exactly what you told him not to do. 

He’ll help you pack the groceries into the car, and you leave him to do the rest and get inside the car, sitting in the passenger seat. You feel the car wobble when he closes the trunk and sits beside you soon after. 

Like a dog with it’s ears, Bokuto’s hair falls down to his face. You begin to feel bad for giving him a bit of the cold shoulder, but you told him not to touch the plate, to put it back. But Bokuto being Bokuto, he couldn’t help but pick it up, inspect it, and even scratch the little paintings of the oranges to check if there was a scent. 

And because he’s clumsier than ever, he dropped it while twirling it in his hands. Which leads you to now. 

The soft hum of the car fills the dead air between you both. Bokuto shyly glances at you, still pouting. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes as you rest your head back. 

You feel him take your hand, tracing circles over it before he brings it up against his cheek. He presses little kisses onto you skin, mumbling a string of apologies. 

You turn your head, flicking your eyes open to meet his eyes, tears brimming at the waterline. 

You bring your other hand to cup the other side of his face, your smile lopsided as you feel your boyfriend trembling in your hold. 

“Are you still mad at me?” He asks, eyes averting away from yours and not the material of your jeans. “I’m really sorry for breaking something again...” 

“My little love,” You sigh, your warm breath fanning against his blushing cheeks. “What am I gonna do with someone as clumsy as you? You’re gonna make me broke, Bo.” 

He smiles at the nickname, assuring him he’s still within the safety of you love. “So you don’t hate me?” 

You bring his forehead close to yours so he can hear you loud and clear when you say, “I’ll never hate you, but if you end up breaking another thing, I’ll cut up all your volleyball jersies. Understood?” 

Its a shaky laugh that leaves his lips, but he nods his head. “Understood. 

-- atsumu miya 

you’ll find him in the fresh produce section

he’s knocking against the watermelon with a tight fist, and you think its pretty cute of him putting effort into looking for fresh fruit 

but in reality he has no clue what he’s doing 

he’s seen osamu do it before and he’s always wanted to try 

you eventually catch onto the gimmick when he starts slapping the mangos, too 

You chew onto the bottom of you lip, using all the energy you have left from wandering around looking for Atsumu to bite down your urge to laugh. 

Your boyfriend looks quite serious, gaze fixed at the mango cradled in the palm of his hand. He slaps it a few times before bringing it up to his ear, listening to it as if there’s a whole ocean speaking to him. 

He’s oblivious to the judging glances and amused stares, too absorbed whatever it is he’s doing. 

You want to stop him, call his name so you can both head to check out. But the scene unravelling before you is too funny--even more so when he puts the mango down and reaches for the apple, slapping it as well before pressing it against his ear. 

You know you shouldn’t, but you pull out your phone to take a picture, immediately sending it to Osamu. You quietly accept the fate of future you before calling out to your boyfriend. 

-- hinata shoyo 

he’s kinda like bokuto except he knows not to test you 

but he is the type to add a bunch of things in the cart that you weren’t planning on buying

you won’t even notice until you’re at the check out counter

and he’ll justify every single thing he’s put in the cart 

“Shoyo, no.” You glare at him, resting your hands onto your hips as you scold him in the middle of the check-out counter. The poor cashier tries to mind her business as you and your childlike boyfriend bicker over which items go and which stay. “Why the hell do we need a glow in the dark flashlight? We have still have a perfectly good one at home!” 

“Yes, but this one’s my favorite color!” You feel your eye twitching at his counter argument, not entirely sure if you’re talking to a kid or your adult boyfriend. “AND how are you gonna find the flashlight in the dark? If we get the glow in the dark one, it’ll be easier to find!” 

You hear a quiet mumble of agreement coming from the cashier and the people behind you. A very soft, “Well, he’s got a point,” hanging above you. 

You pinch your nose, sighing heavily as you near your defeat. But you don’t want to give in just yet. “Shoyo, we can’t buy everything in this cart.This is all way too much.” 

His smile falters and you roll your eyes. You pick out the foot cream from the cart, “Why do you need this? You already have one at home.” 

“But they didn’t have coconut before.” He replies, not at all sensing your irritation. 

You dig your hand back into the pile, reaching for anything random. You bite into your cheek when you see what’s in your hand. Hinata opens his mouth to protest, but you speak before he can even mutter a sound. “No.” 

“But--” 

“Absolutely not.” 

“But it’s so cute!” 

“Hinata Shoyo, I will not bring another cat themed item into my house just because your best friend tells you to!” 

[squiiids]

Gut Punch (A game accurate way, and an actually decent way)

"It's supposed to mean "a punch made of innards", but the name actually described what you feel while drinking it."

So this drink was a pain in the ass to make. It's easy enough to throw together some stuff that feels like a fist making contact with your gut, especially when you're working with high proof stuff. I coulda just mixed some straight rye, 151 proof rum, and a glug of absinthe just to make you really hate yourself, but the problem with that lies in the name and flavor text of the drink. It's a punch. There's a series of rules on what to put in it, and what sort of flavor you should be looking for. So, I took the basis of every punch, the classic 17th century recipe in the form of a poem (one part sour, two parts sweet, three parts strong, four parts weak) improvised up a few less traditional ingredients, rebalanced until it tasted right and came up with the following:

Gut Punch as Game Accurate as I Could Manage

1/2 oz lemon juice

1 oz Gut Stock* (recipe under the cut)

1.5 oz Rye Whiskey

1.5 oz Arrack

3-4 dashes Angostura bitters

Shake and pour into an Old Fashioned glass over crushed ice, Add a generous shake of cinnamon and serve.

Gut Punch if it were a decent drink

1/2 oz lime juice

1 oz oleo-saccharum**

1.5 oz dark rum

2 oz Gut Stock* (recipe under the cut)

2 dashes orange bitters

Shake and pour into an Old Fashioned glass over crushed ice. Grate some nutmeg on top and serve

So hey! there's some weird ingredients in there, and I'm gonna talk about em and how to actually make em in a bit, but first let's talk flavors. For starters the game accurate version. Don't make this. It is very accurate to the sensation of a gut punch. There is the initial shock of impact, followed by a slow, dreadful bitterness that has you gagging. Have more than a couple in rapid succession, and you're viable to throw up from the experience.

The second version? It's sweet, loaded with citrus flavor, the bitterness and the sweetness play well together with a drink that is no doubt good for a hot sunny day, which we're moving into as the seasons are changing. Those funky ingredients, oleo-saccharum and Gut Stock, as I called em? I'm definitely gonna have them stocked up in my fridge. In fact, both of them are a good way to keep you from wasting your citrus.

But what ARE both of them exactly? That, as well as how to make em i'm gonna talk about under a read more, since this is already long as hell

So to start off, the name Gut Punch got me thinking. It is supposedly a "punch made of innards", but what innards could they be talking about? Ignoring the less pleasant ideas that this is a mixed drink that somehow uses sweetbread or tripe, I opted to instead interpret this as the guts of an ingredient you would *expect* in a punch, citrus fruits. If you ever work in a bar that uses fresh juice and twists, you know that you're gonna wind up with tons of little juiced and peeled fruity husks that you'll just throw out otherwise. and THAT was my inspiration for the star of this drink, the aforementioned Gut Stock.

But first, I wanna talk Oleo-Saccharum, cuz thats a weird, kinda uncommon ingredient, but it is a really simple one, actually. It's basically sweetened citrus oils that you get by covering muddled peels in sugar, waiting a day, and straining em out. I don't want to waste too much time on this, because other people have talked about this, and better than I'm capable of doing, so you could find a solid recipe for this stuff by searching around.

On the other hand, I'm the only person in the world who knows what the heck i'm talking about when i say the words "Gut Stock" and it's really simple, actually. It was my mission to use every last piece of your citrus fruits reaching the final stage

Gut Stock

combine the pith and pulp of 6 juiced and peeled citrus fruits with 4 cups of water and bring to a boil

lower the heat to a medium-low, and simmer for 45 minutes, when finished, strain out the fruits and pulp.

That's really all it takes, and what's this taste like? The best way to describe it is creeping bitterness. When you take your first sip, it'll taste vaguely like the juice of the fruits it came from, but that gets very quickly overwhelmed by the taste of pure citrus pith. It's not entirely unpleasant, though, as curiosity got the better of me when I mixed it in with the usual punch fixings, and I gotta say, this beats out thinning your punch with water any day of the week. Bitter citrus is frigging amazing when properly sweetened, and this junk is a really nice way to showcase it. Plus it isn't hard to make, and if you mix a lot of drinks, you'll probably already have some juiced fruits on hand. May as well save em and throw them into a stock pot to make a gimmick drink every now and again.

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Link! Good. I hear your son’s back?

Father, just “Arcadius” would be fi—

I didn’t ask if you were fine, I asked if your son was back.

...Yes...Father. 

Good. Any longer and it might have looked like he deserted! Now fetch that wine over there would you, boy?

Ah, thank you. What’s this, “Akkalain East?” Not bad...for a coop in Central Hyrule, your palate’s at least well traveled. 

What are you doing here? 

What? I am not allowed to come visit my son and his lovely abode? 

Oh...of course, Father. It’s good to welcome you. 

Yes! It is quite the sight to see you at home like this, hardly catching up with my star son these days—he’s too busy saving the day hoho!

Thank you, Father.

I’m telling you, if this whole thing doesn’t work out, there’s many a higher lady who could bring you up even higher. High House Hartell no more, if you try...hm, thinking “Link Arcadius Midinia” perhaps? They’re in relatively good position—

Father!

Right, right. You and your “Link,” thing.

No! That wasn’t even what I was—You’re mad if you think I would ever do that to L—

You know, you’re being quite particular with this “Link” thing, your husband said that you stray from even calling your own son that. If either of you ever want a chance at being that hero of legend, you’ll stick with it, quit the pettiness, for your whole family’s sake. Understand?

Yes, Father. But—  

So your son’s alright, your husband is doing well enough. Daughter is fine, though haven’t seem much from her.

Just running down a checklist now, are you?

House is a bit too rugged. Smells too much like...what is that, steel? And pastries? 

Launo and I like to b—

You don’t ask me about my day-to-day personal hobbies, so don’t waste words assuming I would ask for yours. 

...

Now what are these things on the walls?

Drawings?

Hm...right. Because artists are the ones getting paid these days, right, right.  

Mhm.

Don’t mumble, isn’t unbecoming. 

Yes, father.

Oh...and I’m assuming these ones are from Assivus? Tsk, it’s like a child drew it. Don’t think I’m still completely on board with you on recommending his little orator position. The rumours are starting to grow. It’s probably miserable for any poor castle soul to be in his presence. 

Yeah... ...like father like son.

What was that?

Nothing.

I don’t think it was nothing, as I know the son I loved, taught, and nurtured, and he doesn’t mumble. I raised him as such, and cared for his every need, and now he’s a beautiful, respectful son of a bitch, who was taught to—

Well your son’s grown, and things can be un-taught. 

Is that right?

Quite. 

Well then, why don’t you share with your old man then? Do repeat your words for my old-taught ears. 

... ...I said, “like father, like son.”

You think I’m like Assivus?

No, I think you’re miserable. You’re a miserable, pathetic, cynical old man who hasn’t lived a day on this earth without pissing in your wine cup and complimenting the taste. You are feeble, and senseless, and cowardly, and every second in your presence makes any and all fathomable hells seem lukewarm. So don’t try to convince me, for even a second, that you care about me, or Asivus, or my family, or anyone else, because as long as we’re in my house, we will be taking every action to ensure that you speak the least amount of words possible, so that the air I breath doesn’t get further tainted with your putrid, disgusting breath. 

...

...

...

...

Well. Got it all out of your system, then?

...What—

This was a good one! I’ll admit; an improvement. I remember your other outburst...few years back. You probably don’t remember it; ‘twas a few days after the wedding. 

Would you shut. Up. 

Oh, Link, dear my boy. If I got so easy cut by weak words like that, I won’t have tolerated Assivus for as long as I did. 

I—

But this was good! Shows you’ve still got a strong spine in you. Those years as a Captain has done the number in, I should know. My own father gave me the saaaaame talk. It’s always nice to know the future is in control. 

Listen you—gh—!

No. I think that’s enough. You listen here now, Link.

See this collar? This dashing uniform you’ve got on? These little medals by your neck? That’s mine. I own this. I cultivated this. And that sword? And those boots? And the very skill in your hands—that was all from me. I can stand here, holding your shirt and neck for as many hours as I want because it’s mine. I’ll do what I want with it. It’s Hartell made and owned, first and foremost. The only reason a luscious lock of hair on your head is worth a damn is because I gave it value. I’m the only one that sees any value. I saw the value in your cute little face. I saw the value in your homosexual nonsense. I saw the value in your children. I even saw the value in your husband’s brittle bones. And further now, I see value in your weak attempts at reconnection with your brother. I mean he’s proprietary now, isn’t he? Genetic gag gimmick finally doing some good.

But you know what I don’t value, Link? You know what I don’t care for? I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t caaaare if you think I’m miserable, I don’t see the point, in trying to convince, or not convince, you otherwise. It simply couldn’t matter less to me. If I spent time caring about such ideas, I wouldn’t have time to enjoy the fruits of life, hm? The little nudges here and there are cute and all, but don’t try and tell yourself that you’re winning any battle here. At the end of the day, no matter what, you have me to thank for everything. I am content with that knowledge, and you are not. That’s the simple, yet grievous difference. 

You and I both know that you’re nothing. Every ounce of “Arcadius” or whatever, has long been scooped out and replaced with perfection. If you break now, you start to play teenage rebel like your brother, you’ll find nothing else in there. And that nothing, couldn’t possibly hold up any life or magic story you dream of. It’s just me. 

Unless...you have proof of other wise? Perhaps you still have a contrasting sentiment? Want to say something to me again, hmm Link? Oh brave and cunning Captain? Really now, it makes no difference to me. Go on, pull away from my grip, walk out that door, say your fairytale one liner, and I’ll, be, gone. Go on. Here’s your cue.

... ... ...

Hm. That’s what I thought. Now go bring the full bottle of this Akkalain stuff, it’s quite good, I’ll take it for the evening. Mhm. Right, yes, thank you. 

See, that’s what I always loved about you, you’re smart. You don’t just think about the now; you’ve got the whole picture in mind. Assivus was always, “me, me, me, my, my, my.” Too focused on the emotions, never growing out of it. But you! You understand. There’s more things to care about then one’s ego you know. And one day you’ll teach your son those lessons, just like I taught you. 

...

Don’t be too glum now. You’ve got a future all bright and set! Even just here, with your common husband and house and such. 

Mm, but you know, you’re right. Perhaps it’s all folly to stick with “Link” when your son is here and growing. I’ll try slipping into the “Captain Arcadius” title you’ve given yourself a bit more. ‘S Got a better ring to it.

Besides, at this point we both know you’re not the hero, isn’t that right Arcadius?

... ... Yes, Father.  

[sonnet77]

Rafael Barba // in an instant

Perfect image credit: Barbaoutfits’ post here

Summary: It was one instant that evolved to frequent occurrences which then became a routine. One that Rafael Barba and you were definitely okay with-- until, one day, Barba decided he wasn’t. He wanted more.

Warnings: none. coffee! cuteness! banter!

A/N: So, though the original L&O is my comfort, I thought I’d give a go at writing something for a well-known svu favourite. Sorry, if this is terrible and out-of-character. I’m still catching up on svu seasons. Did I write a whole one-shot inspired by coffee? Yes. Did I think the title was a clever pun on time and instant-coffee? Yes, I did. Thanks for reading.

2k words

___________________________________________

In an instant, Rafael Barba had to make a decision. The one of very few solaces in his life-- coffee, was non-existent in the vicinity in which he currently resided. It was gone, thanks to a broken coffee maker. And the coffee cart still wasn’t outside. Some rumour he overheard was that last week the owner won some lottery winnings and went on a long-vacation. Another story was he got hit by a bus. Even for Barba, he decided that the less morbid option was true in this case. He had enough of his own disasters to deal with right now. One of which was, no coffee. On this day, of all days, that shouldn’t have happened. So, he quickly found, in a random online search, that there was a nearby new local shop that did timely deliveries, guaranteeing ‘service that would bring you a smile’. A line to which Rafael rolled his eyes when he read it. Nonetheless, he called and placed an order for 2 coffees to go (and a fruit pastry because the website photos were damn effective marketing). He got back to his case work, and awaited if the prompt service was indeed true or a gimmick.

...

When you took the part-time gig, at that same coffee shop, you hadn’t come across an address that stuck out yet for dropping-off orders. This time though, it did.

“One Hogan Place? Isn’t that by all the government buildings, a few blocks from here?”

“Yeah, it’s across from the courthouse.” Lola, the owner, hanging up the phone, clarified, “You’ll fit right in, today,” she said, nodding to your blazer and dress pants.

“Glad my failed job interview from this morning wasn’t a waste,” you noted dryly.

“It wasn’t meant to be, darling. Helping out here though means a lot to me,” Lola chimed in, running back to take some cinnamon rolls out of the oven. The breakfast rush was still trickling in. She came back, handing you her well-designed logo-ed bag, “Off you go!”

You grabbed the bag, reading the name written in her block letters: Rafael Barba. It wasn’t a far trip, the coffees still warm in the thin paper beside you as you walked. You had made it up to the correct floor, and found the office thanks to the wall placards and also, the front desk. You knocked, pushing the ajar door slightly wider to reveal a well-dressed brunette man in suspenders… on the phone, looking well, annoyed.

Noticing you, he stated, “I’ll be with you in one moment,” his softer tone not matching his current expression, phone still nestled to his ear, as he gestured for you to take a seat. You did, somewhat enamored with the ambiance of being at the district attorney’s office and the law books you recognized lining the shelves, some memory of what could have been. Plus, you had time to kill. 

“Liv, get me something more to work with here,” he pleaded, hanging up the phone, turning back to you.

“So, is it another motion? Or, which case is this about?”

“Oh,” you smiled out a small laugh, the airy tone somehow soothing the stressed office air, “I think there’s some confusion, I’m just dropping off the coffee you ordered... Rafael?” You lifted the bag, showing the name, handing it to him across the desk.

“Oh,” Rafael mirrored, a rare sight from him, caught off-guard,  “The way you were dressed I assumed-- nevermind. My mistake. It’s been a long uncaffeinated morning. I didn’t mean to keep you here waiting.” Barba strung together an apology well-enough, paying the order receipt. He wasn’t just unnerved because of that wrong assumption, though.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” you answered, standing up, “It’s the only time I’ve ever seen law books in their natural habitat.”

“You’re a law student?” He asked, his eyes perking up, as he took a sip of the coffee. 

“Ex.”

“Too tough or something else?”

“Too tough to get through without having cognitive dissonance, a vice, or an eidetic memory.”

Rafael barely chuckled, “I see,” before taking another sip.

“Just in my case,” you tried to back-pedal, realizing where you were. Your eyes darted back to the shelves of law books, when another stood out.

“Vonnegut?” You pointed, intrigued, seeing a book of yours on someone else’s shelf.

“Indeed.”

“That is one of my favourites by him.” 

“Mine too.”

The conversation went for a pause, and you both realized you both were supposed to be working. You reacted first, “Well, enjoy your coffee.”

“Uh, thank you for the prompt service and very good coffee…” Rafael managed, drawing out the end of the sentence, wanting a name to the Vonnegut-reading face before him.

“Y/N,” you finished his sentence, with a nod.

“Y/N,”  Barba repeated, letting the sound fall slowly out of his mouth, so it’d sink gently into the spot his mind already carved out for it, “Thanks again,” his lips formed a smile, involuntarily. It was due to his caffeine fix now satiated, he rationalized to himself.

“Sure thing, Rafael,” and with that, you left, low-key wondering if you’d ever run into him again. 

He went back to his cases, the unanswered questions, aggravations, and notes on his desk. Barba had a new place to get good coffee, and found it was an establishment that did live up to their promises, a faint smile still lingering on his face.

A coffee cart came back to the normal haunt. The office got a better and shiny new coffee maker. Barba didn’t care. He was still ordering from that local shop, he found over a month ago. Were the coffee and food delicious? Yes. Was it a reasonable price? Actually it was. Was he paying extra for delivery to only support the gig-economy and not the off-chance of seeing you again? Not exactly. 

You got used to the route. You had Barba’s order memorized at this point, and it was one delivery stop you never minded and one you un-admittedly prioritized. To see which color/patterned suit ensemble Barba was wearing, which case snippets you could hear going on, and mainly because it was nice to have someone ask how you were doing and mean it, which in Rafael’s case, you always believed he did, (or you wanted to believe it). 

All the little impromptu conversations, led to a well-versed rapport no one else really understood. Like that one time you mumbled out some relevant case-law and insights that popped into your head, unsolicited. Self-conscious, the side-eye from another A.D.A. that was in the office with Rafael, adding to your embarrassment because you were, technically, eavesdropping on their conversation before entering.

“Right, you didn’t ask for advice,” you mumbled, dropping off the order in its usual place. The atmosphere already altered since it wasn’t the two of you.

“You’re right, we didn’t,” Barba spoke up, “but you’re also exactly right,” which changed the other A.D.A’s expression once more.

“We’re outsourcing legal advice now?”

“We should be, considering you overlooked this. And, so did my memory.” Barba snapped back, before adding, “I doubt we could afford this consultant, though.”

“Probably not,” you quipped, “good luck,” you spoke, appreciative of his defense, your eyes locking to his, briefly, that unspoken accord adding a barely there glimmer to your looks that the other self-distracted A.D.A. missed.

Barba would have ordered coffee everyday to be delivered, but his schedule and wallet weren’t ideal to sustain the habit. A pattern emerged, though, one even Lola noticed and finally spoke up about.

“It’s for you.”

“What?”

“Mr. Barba’s order. Should I put a heart on the bag this time?”

“No,” you scoffed, “Unless you’re doing some new customer appreciation thing, he sure orders from here enough.”

“You’re right, it should probably be your phone number instead,” she grinned, “So, what’s the deal with that guy? You sure see him enough to know.”

“Lola,” you paused, “he’s-- he works at the D.A.’s office, for Special Victims, he’s a prosecutor.”

“Thanks for the resume, Y/N. So, can I put your number down then? You didn’t say no, so what does that subtext say?” She toyed,  running away, before you could say anything else in response.

You took your deliveries, thinking about what Lola said, knowing very well that there was subtext you wanted to exist. But, you knew there was no evidence of. You knew Rafael loved coffee and with his chaotic job, he definitely needed it. The shop was nearby, that delivered. You didn’t mind chatting with him. That’s all there was to say. You said hello to the familiar faces that recognized you at Hogan Place, that same 2 coffee order in your hands. You knocked below the name engraved on the door, the one that matched the name on the bag, of the man you’ve come to know.

“Hey, how did that Hutchinson case turn out?” You greeted, as Barba meandered back to his desk. 

“Better than expected, actually.” He leaned against its edge, crossing his arms in those rolled up sleeves.

“That’s good to hear. I know you were working on that one a long time and it was a big stress hanging over the office and everything.”

“It was. I finally have some free time,” Rafael tilted his head, correcting himself, “Well, I have no overtime, as of right now. How goes the writing endeavors?”

“I got a few freelance pieces on some blogs. But, my other carry-over piece got rejected. And, my fiction piece didn’t make the awards cut. Instead of the ceremony, I’m babysitting. So, big plans.”

“Can you afford one more?  How about dinner? 7. Tomorrow. La Mercerie.”

Rafael’s question turned statement, spoken in that calm bluntness he always managed to exude, cut through the common chit-chat you were used to like a well-placed knife. You didn’t know what to do.

“You’re serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He made a face, somewhat puzzled at your reaction. 

After weeks and weeks, Barba reached the point of annoyance with himself, knowing if he wanted to see you again, he very well could.  He’d asked people out of dates, plenty of times before and also been rejected, once or twice. Yet, Rafael had been avoiding it. That same feeling that showed up when he first met you, becoming stronger and more defined, instead of fizzling out or blending in. That feeling could turn to hurt easily, he knew, if his ego-fueled and contrary hopeful opinions were wrong. 

“Because it’s you.” You uttered quickly, as if it was obvious to anyone.

“Now there’s a hit to my ego I hope won’t leave a mark,” Barba interjected, his quick-fire words trying to cover up that pang in his chest he suddenly felt. His silent sigh at the end of his sentence, the real way his disappointment snuck out, almost undetected.

“No, no,” you corrected, “I mean why would you, illustrious SVU prosecutor, wanna go out on a date with a law-school drop out, moonlighting as a struggling writer who reeks of roasted coffee beans most days? I don’t see the appeal.”

“Well, this self-doubt is certaintly not appealing, Y/N.”

“See? You’re proving my point.”

He rolled his eyes, “Self-deprecation aside, is that a yes or no?,” Rafael’s eyebrows raised slightly, waiting for an answer, “You already know I like coffee, so that isn’t an issue,” he subtly hinted, while trying his best to be blase in the expectation of your response. The pain from a few seconds ago was gone, but waiting to reemerge.

“Yes, sure.”

“Excellent,” a smile appeared briefly on the counselor’s face, before shifting it to a smirk, adding, “Illustrious? Not sure if that’s the first word I’d use, but--”

“You know the last guy I dated was a lawyer and it didn’t go well-- reconfirmed a lot of contempt.”

“Maybe, you just had bad taste.” 

“Bad taste? So that’s why I just agreed to go out on a date with you.”

“I said had, there’s always room for improvement,” he said casually, smoothing his tie.

“Ah, there it is, again, that old feeling,” you noted.

“And changes in heart.”

“You’re doing well,” you sarcastically commented.

“Well enough, after all, you did say yes to dinner.”

“See you, Rafael,”  you headed out, halfway through his office door.

“And I’m looking forward to it, Y/N,” you heard his voice say louder as you were leaving. You couldn’t help but turn your head at your name when Rafael said it. Seeing the A.D.A. still with his gaze on you, a smile appeared on your face as you glanced back at him. It was one you couldn’t hide, even if you tried. And it was one he never wanted to stop seeing.

[nanoland]

new chapter (lucifer fic)

(earlier parts are here; whole thing is here) 

Ponder on the Narrow House, part 3 

Mazikeen + Eve + Michael, gen fic (for now), warning for gun violence 

0   

Along the California coastline, the cruise ship Illustrious Voyager bore four thousand three hundred and ten passengers, one thousand two hundred and ninety-six crewmembers, and two guide dogs.

Five thousand six hundred and eight souls, in total.

At around 4pm, without anyone noticing, that number became five thousand six hundred and nine.

Hands clasped behind her back, Eve strolled down the promenade, admiring the vessel’s size and beauty. This fresh new millennium’s wealth astonished her. Sickened, sometimes. Entranced, sometimes. But always astonished.

Back in the garden, they’d slept on and under rocks. When it rained, they got wet. When large animals came by, they hid. No weapons. No shelter. No blankets. The only resource they’d had in abundance was food. Good grief – so much food. God had been so proud of all the different fruits and nuts and mushrooms he’d made available to them, and Adam had been so grateful. Eve supposed she had been, too.

It hadn’t stopped her from one day approaching her husband and the plump rabbits resting in his lap – two of several dozen pets – and asking if he didn’t think the cold nights would be much more endurable if they each had a warm pair of fur slippers.

Then she’d met Lucifer. Fallen in love. Bitten the apple. Learned how powerful he and his Father truly were. That was when the real questions, the sticky, prickly questions, had come bubbling up.

If Lucifer has such a vast family, with so many siblings, why can’t I have even one? she’d asked the sky. Why is Adam all I get?

And later: If You can simply bring people into existence, why must I scream and bleed and shit myself in order to have children? Am I doing it wrong? Is there another way? If there isn’t, why not?

And later: Why is nothing fair?

And, most recently, after meeting Mazikeen: Why isn’t everything at least equally unfair? Why do humans get a world of options while Maze and her family are expected to serve angels from birth to death? Why isn’t Maze allowed into Heaven, even after an eternity of loyalty and hard work?

“Sorry,” she said, flashing white teeth at a passing crewmember. “I’m trying to find a friend of mine. Can you tell me how to get to Room 835?”

Half an hour later, there was a splash and the ship’s population dropped to five thousand six hundred and seven.

Before binding his arms and legs, Eve had secured Andrew Bismarck’s lifejacket and gagged him. Furious and helpless, he bobbed alongside her as the ship moved on and Mazikeen rowed up in her inflatable raft, wearing a sunset-orange swimsuit.

“Should I be worried about those, babe?” she asked as she gripped Bismarck’s lifejacket and hauled him out of the water.

Eve smiled at the dolphin pod swimming in playful loops around her, and patted the nearest one’s nose. “No. They’re my friends.”

The inflatable wasn’t big enough for three people, so Eve held on to a friend’s dorsal fin and let him drag her back to The Choronzon.

Michael stood on the deck, looking bored. As they climbed aboard, their prisoner slung over Mazikeen’s shoulder, he drawled, “Seriously? This sad specimen’s worth two million dollars?”

“Actually, his net worth is eight hundred million,” said Mazikeen, dumping him down. “Two million is just what his ex-wife is willing and able to pay.”

Wringing out her hair, Eve added, “She took half his money in the divorce but she gave almost all of it to a chimpanzee shelter. I really like her!”

His lip curled. “How delightfully sordid. Isn’t this all a little beneath you, Ms Mazikeen? I mean, you’re a big deal in Hell. High Commander of Lucifer’s legions, head advisor to the king himself. Aren’t you worried taking jobs like this diminishes you?”

Busy handcuffing Bismarck to the railing, Mazikeen said, “Eve, honey? Do me a favour?”

“Boop!” Eve chirped, having already snuck up behind Michael, and pushed him overboard.

“I know it’s your whole gimmick,” Mazikeen called down as he splashed and spluttered, his face red with princely indignation. “And I know you don’t have a lot else going for you. But the next time you try that on me, I will stop being nice. Kapish?”

“Kapish,” he muttered.

The Choronzon had barely travelled a mile before Eve spotted Bismarck’s henchmen coming after them.

“Someone gimme details!” shouted Mazikeen, busy putting a bulletproof vest on over her bikini and opening up the box she’d told Dan contained a fishing rod, not a halberd.

Eve peered through her binoculars. “Two speedboats. Twelve guys on jet skis. Guns everywhere.”

“Heh. Awesome. Mickey – move that tight ass to the front and make like a nice juicy target.”

“Wait, what about-…” Michael began, trailing off as Mazikeen dove gracefully into the sea.

Bouncing from foot to foot, Eve shot him a grin. “Don’t look so glum, sourpuss. This is the fun part.”

She’d never spoken to Michael in Heaven, despite the millennia they’d both resided only two miles apart, her in a lakeside cottage on the outskirts of the Silver City, him in the crystal palace in its centre.

Granted, she’d not exactly had a warm and fuzzy relationship with any of Lucifer’s siblings. They all knew what had happened in the garden. Some had been nice – Amenadiel had visited often, even though he’d never had much to say and they’d spent their time together skipping stones across the lake’s surface. But the others had kept her at a distance. She was a bad influence.

Michael, however, was the only angel she’d not ever said one word to.

She’d seen him, now and then, in the early days, when she was the only human in Heaven and, as such, grudgingly invited to divine family get-togethers. On those occasions, she’d spent too much time feeling awkward and out-of-place to pay attention to the sullen figure lurking in whatever shadows were available. The one time she’d glanced his way, it had been to marvel at the stories of people getting the twins mixed up; beyond the raw basics of bone structure, Michael couldn’t have looked less like her old lover.

Bullets sprayed across the hull. Humming, Eve stepped daintily into Michael’s shadow, seconds before they started bouncing off his shoulders and chest.

“It is beneath her,” he muttered.

She made an ambiguous noise. “How d’you figure?”

There came a shout and a splash from the nearest jet ski. The bullets stopped.

“C’mon. She’s Mazikeen. Everyone in the Silver City knows about Mazikeen. Ordinarily, we couldn’t give two dry shits about Lucifer’s minions, but her? She’s a minor celebrity. The power behind Hell’s throne. Christ, it’s no secret my beloved twin couldn’t govern his way out of a paper bag.”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling fondly. “He’s kind of bad at everything. Except music. He’s a great musician.”

More shouting. More shooting. More bullets bouncing off Michael’s torso. Mazikeen rode by, one hand gripping her newly-acquired jet ski’s throttle lever, the other clutching her bloodstained halberd. Watching her circle the enemy, Eve was reminded of a sheep dog.

Michael went on: “And then there’s the fact that for a while, everyone thought Lucifer was going to marry her. It was all anyone could talk about. Jophiel was taking bets on when the proposal would happen. She’d have been High Commander and the Queen of Hell. Instead? All of a sudden, Lucifer takes an indefinite vacay to the mortal realm, drags her with him, and next thing anyone knows, she’s working behind a bar.”

The remaining jet skis and their terrified, wounded riders had been neatly rounded up, which meant it was time for Eve to open her purse.

“Um – how long have those been in there?” asked Michael, watching her take out three grenades.

“You want one?” she offered. “Don’t forget to take the pin out before you throw it. I did that my first time.”  

One thing to be said for millions of dull, dull years spent sitting next to God’s Greatest Warrior, skipping stones across a lake; your aim got good.

The first blast was a warning, not close enough to actually kill any of Bismarck’s men, though the resultant waves did knock several into the water. They tried to retreat, turning their vehicles around, only to remember Mazikeen, corralling them single-handed and now armed with machine guns she’d confiscated from those already bested.

When they saw the second and third grenade incoming, they gave up and abandoned the jet skis, jumping into the sea and swimming for their lives.

“Fuck!” Michael yelped, blocking his ears at the concomitant explosions.

Gazing past the debris and smoke, Eve saw Mazikeen head for the nearest of the two speedboats. Its occupants, preoccupied with aiming a rocket launcher at The Choronzon, saw her coming far too late.

“I get your point,” said Eve, as her girlfriend and her halberd made short work of the crew. “But that’s a really… how can I put this? It’s a really angelic way of looking at things. Maze doesn’t consider anything ‘beneath her’.”

“Wow. Sick burn. You’re basically admitting she has no pride.”

“Oh, she’s got pride. Tons of pride. Her pride’s just dependant on how well she does a job, not on the type of job she has. She wasn’t happy working at Lux, but that wasn’t because she thought bartending was ‘beneath her’; it was because she prefers doing things she’s good at. Customer service isn’t really one of her strengths.”

The second speedboat was abandoned by its crew mere seconds before Mazikeen rammed the first speedboat into it, cackling victoriously.

“Actually,” Eve said, moving from Michael’s shadow to where Mazikeen had earlier set a crate of peach soda – her favourite – out on the deck, “now that you mention it, I guess I’m the one with no pride. Haven’t really ever had anything to be proud of. Your Dad never gave me the chance. I was never meant to do things. I was just meant to be.”

Michael snorted. “Lucky you. Trust me; he may have softened in his later years, but back in the day he never, ever stopped riding our asses. You think Lucy really rebelled because he had better plans for how the universe should be run? Because he was an innovator? Nope. Lazy dick just hated being told to do his chores.”

By the time Mazikeen swam back to them, saltwater had washed off the blood and her ponytail had come loose.

“Oh, hey,” said Eve, gripping her hand and pulling her up. “A mermaid.”

After pressing a rough kiss to her cheek and taking a swig of peach soda, Mazikeen asked, “You okay? He did his job?”

Eve patted the angel’s shoulder – the one that wouldn’t hurt. “He was terrific! Awesome addition to the team.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Michael mumbled.

Ignoring him, Mazikeen snatched up a towel to dry her hair. “Glad to hear it. Alright! Let’s get Bismarck back to shore, get paid, and find a place to have dinner so we can toast Team Hellrazor’s first successful mission.”

“R-A-Z-O-R,” Eve informed Michael. “To make it cooler.”

[stepgazz]

Candied Fruit- Lee Donghyuck Scenario

this is my first time ever posting something like this. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!!! 

3.5 k words

genre: fluff, some angst

feel free to tell me your thoughts!

----

You sat on the couch with a grim expression on your face, as you listened to a distant, mumbled conversation between your brother and Donghyuck.

He had been scolding you the entire day. Whether it was about how much space you took up on the couch, how you had eaten his favorite snacks or how you had left all the doors around the dorm open, Hyuck made sure to complain about everything.

You were acquainted with his gimmicks and mischief. As Jaemin’s little sister, you had access to the dorms whenever you pleased (or more, as Jaemin would bring you around just because he was “missing you”), so you knew the dreamies well. Haechan, however, had always been torn about your presence. He was playful, witty, even flirty sometimes, while other days were like this: when his humor turned bitter and his patience ran thin. The line between these two faces of his was fragile when it came to you, and he would snap from one to the other within seconds.

Your eyes focused back onto the TV in front of you as a pair of feet tiptoed their way closer. Jaemin’s familiar hand fell onto your shoulder, reassuringly rubbing it as you turned around to meet his face.

“He’s sick, kid. He’s had two promotions in one month, it’s not your fault.” His face shone with a warm smile as he pet your hair, melting away the stiffness in your neck. “He’s said he’d go to sleep now. I’ll probably be back by the time he gets up.”

You nodded with a thin smile, proceeding to turn to the random movie you had accidentally stumbled upon. It was pretty good actually, so you kept watching as Jaemin eventually left the dorms to go practice. The silent hallways, dreamy afternoon lighting and pleasant atmosphere of the film helped calm you down and forget about the sick boy you had been left alone with.

You scoffed at yourself. His image kept popping up in your head as he shouted at you that morning: his caramel-colored hair sticking up in places after he furiously ran his hands through it, the white of his eyes tinted red with fatigue and dizziness, his figure hunched under the thickness of his own head. His voice cracked with anger, the veins on his neck popping out and as you stared at him, the smallest bit of fear sparked in your chest, wrapped in layers of regret and worry.

Those gut-twisting feelings seeped back into your head. Hyuck was clearly tired and all you had done was push some more buttons, enough to set him off. You pushed your palms against your eyes, struggling to find a way to apologize. “It would be easy” you thought, “if he would actually take apologies seriously.”

Then it hit you.

“He shouted because of those damn snacks.”

So, you set off to the kitchen, determined to make something nice for the boy in hopes for a bit of redemption.

 ----

The fruit salad looked delicious and you gave yourself credit for that. Even if he wouldn’t accept your apology, he’d at least have something to eat while he was angry with you. You went over what you were going to say to him, trying to avoid giving him anything he could use against you, but as you walked out of the kitchen, you saw him.

 You stood in the doorframe and watched a disheveled Donghyuck plop onto the couch with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, groaning in a sleepy voice. He hadn’t even noticed you.

Haechan laid down with his back towards the TV, exhaling heavily as he made himself comfortable. You had forgotten everything you were about to say and sat there with a bowl of fruit in your hands and an empty mind.

As much as he teased you, he wasn’t all that bad. His flirting was frequent, sometimes bold and cocky, which made him incredibly hot, while other times he would just shyly nudge your shoulder or push strands of hair off your face with his long, gentle fingers. Those times, he was an absolute sweetheart.

You went and sat by his feet, holding the bowl in your lap. As you looked at his mess of a hair showing from under the blanket and at his closed eyes with relaxed, for once not furrowed eyebrows, your heart leapt for a second. His breathing had gone shallow and regular, so you figured he had fallen asleep already.

“Poor sunshine.” The thought echoed in your head distantly, as if someone else had said it. It was the Y/N that was deeply fond of Haechan.

You were aware of your tiny crush on him, but you managed to shrink it into a faint voice over some time, because it was pretty clear he wanted none of that. Still, every time he showed those signs, every time he flirted and teased, every time he was next to you like this, being downright gorgeous effortlessly, that Y/N who loved him would grow stronger.

You grabbed a piece of apple out of the bowl and threw it into your mouth, admiring Hyuck silently as you chewed on the sweet fruit. The movie you had been watching sounded so far away; there was only your breathing, and his, reverberating inside your skull. You kept eating bits of fruit mindlessly, as if they were popcorn and Haechan was your most awaited screening of the year.

“I want a piece.”

The daze you were in evaporated instantly as Donghyuck’s strained voice came out, muffled by the blanket.

“It’s for you, actually.” You instantly answered, taken aback.

You could hear him chuckle lowly before shifting into a different position, propping himself up on one of his elbows. His face was flushed and his lips chewed, adding to the somehow cute image he had on. His eyes were still closed as he stretched his other hand out for some fruit.

You fumbled for a strawberry, picking it up and bringing it close to his hand so he could take it. Instead, Hyuck grabbed your wrist, bringing the fruit locked between your fingers closer to his mouth, then closing his lips around it. His breath was warm against your skin as his mouth captured your fingertips. He slowly pushed his teeth into the strawberry, pulling it from your grasp and then letting your hand go.

A chill rolled down your spine. It felt like you had lost sense in that hand as it tingled intensely from his touch. You exhaled shakily, inaudibly, so he wouldn’t hear the effect he had just had on you.

You couldn’t lie: it had felt amazing.

Donghyuck threw himself back down as he chewed slowly on the fruit, a sly smile stretching across his tinted cheeks.

“You taste good.” He spoke as he swallowed, throwing these words around as if they meant nothing.

The hairs on the back of your head stood up, your brain fuming while you desperately searched for a good answer. Nothing came to mind, but you could feel your ears starting to burn.

As you looked over to him, the smirk he had on confirmed what you were thinking: it’s nothing but one of his tricks, toying with your flustered self. A stinging desire to beat him at his own game bled into the soft admiration you had for him moments earlier, the rational idea of apologizing becoming a literal apple of discord.

Thankfully, you get ideas for sweet revenge faster than for witty comebacks.

The couch you were on was, luckily, a pull-out couch. You got up and unfolded the sofa, turning it into a comfortable, wide bed, enough for the two of you to fit. Haechan groaned once again as the movement swayed him from side to side.

You laid down beside him, back to back with the toffee haired boy, then kept watching the now unimportant film that had been silently rolling in the background. Turning the volume up a bit, you sighed and gasped at almost every scene, trying to get Hyuck’s attention. If your theory was correct, he’d be a big fan of teasing, but a whiner when teased.

You could feel him shift behind you. When you thought he had finally found a comfortable spot, you felt his stomach against your back and his arm snaking around your waist. His forehead rested against the back of your head as his hand touched around you for the TV remote. Donghyuck traced the line of your forearm down to your palm, where he snatched the controller from you and blindly turned down the sound completely.

Your plan had been sabotaged by your own unsteady heart and labored breathing, your mind growing fuzzy under the heat of his body.

“I was watching that” you spoke with the most neutral voice you could manage. Turning your head to face him, you met his eyes, which were intimidatingly close to yours. His face seemed to be burning even worse than before: the redness stretched up his temples and over the bridge of his nose, bringing out the earthy brown of his eyes and the tempting pink of his lips.  

Without hesitating, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, then regained his composure seamlessly, leaving you befuddled. For a second, you thought you might be burning worse than him. You rolled onto your stomach and propped yourself up on your elbows, glaring at him wide-eyed.

“What was that for?!” you spat in shock. Still, a hint of excitement came through your words.

Hyuck laid with his eyes closed, smiling softly at the butterflies in his tummy.

“I have no idea.” he said, chuckling. His arm was resting on the small of your back.

“He’s playing again, you idiot.” The thought buzzed around your head, making you feel ill with emotions. His face was lit with afternoon shimmers as you stared, torn, at it. You scoffed at yourself.

Suddenly, his expression melted into a motionless, almost pained one.

“You shouldn’t have made that salad. I’m sorry for shouting at you.”

Did Lee Donghyuck just apologize to you? The Lee Donghyuck who you had never heard genuinely regret doing something?

“It’s fine.”

You could feel the muscles in his forearm tense up under his skin, enclosing you in a tighter, more sincere lock. He opened his eyes and you could’ve sworn they lingered on your lips for a second before intersecting your gaze. His fingers slid up your side and over your shoulder, reaching your cheek and holding it carefully, as if you might fly away on a gust of wind.

“I mean it, Y/N.”  

You desperately tried to find any slip of sarcasm in his tone, convinced he would burst into laughter at any given second; he didn’t. His gaze held yours restlessly as his hand moved down to trace your neck before resting on the back of your head.

“This can’t be happening.” The alarm in your brain went off, shutting down every single rational thought you could fathom. It was only him you could think of and the electricity running through your veins beneath his touch.

Your body reacted before you realized: your eyes shutting half way and your lips parting, lacking any patience. In less than a second, Donghyuck had his tongue pressed flat against the base of your neck, then slowly drew it upwards towards your jawline with one long, sloppy trace.

His mouth barely left your skin, moving on to press shallow kisses to the lines of your face as you mindlessly dug your nails into his shoulder. He reached your chin and unstuck his mouth off of you for a moment, searching for your eyes with an illegible look. The air felt colder where his saliva was drying.

“I’m sorry for this too.” His words felt deeply sincere.

You could barely process your own actions. You slid your arm around his neck before touching your forehead to his, maintaining the deep eye contact. You mumbled a breathy “don’t be” before pressing a hesitant, shy kiss to his burning lips. His mouth slowly curled into a smile, making you wonder if he was about to start screaming with laughter.

“Idiot, this could be contagious.” He giggled innocently against your mouth then sighed deeply as you tugged at his hair, pulling your face away from his.

“All you know is teasing, isn’t it?” you went back to your initial position, tearing yourself away from his alluring frame. You smiled at him with a cockiness he knew all too well, because you had learnt it from him.

“It’s the only way things work around the dorms.” He plopped back down with hooded eyes, mirroring your attitude. His seriousness still weighed in through his last comment, mentioning how he sometimes would take it too far. The guilt in his tone was more obvious than he wanted it to be. His head felt thicker as he looked at you, the flashing of all those times he had been rude combining with the dizziness of over-working.  

"So, I'm part of the club?" You asked ironically, but somehow with genuine curiosity. Had it really all been in your head?

"Oh, come on… you've always been!" He playfully nagged, turning to look at you with a bright expression.

You couldn't tell if the blush in his cheeks was your masterful creation or if he actually had a bit of a fever, so you gently felt his forehead and neck. His temperature was higher than normal, but it didn't seem that serious. Still, in Haechan's eyes, your gesture was much bigger than slight worry. He exhaled shakily at the contact between the two of you, enjoying every drop of skinship he was getting from you.

He had always been clingy, cuddly, touchy, you name it. It was no surprise getting a kiss on the cheek or a childishly tight hug from him, no matter who you were. But for him, touching you was always more thought out. He was mindful with his sweet words and physical attention. Your boundaries were really important for him, so he took your reactions to heart often, cherishing the flustered ones and noting the annoyed ones.

And of course, he teased you. Of course, he scolded you. Of course, he always regretted it, but never said so because he'd never give such feelings away. This affinity he had for you was his little secret and he couldn't blow his own cover. But now, as your fingers left invisible prints onto his heated skin, he finally felt like he had won. Taking in the moment, the feeling of your lips against his blitzed across his mind, making him whimper for more.

His reaction brought you great satisfaction as you hunched over him, bringing one of your knees over his body to cradle him under you. Haechan’s hands almost instinctively went to your waist, holding you as if you were a porcelain doll. His breathing became heavier with expectation while his eyes travelled all over your face hungrily, his palms pressing down on your sides. You swallowed the knot in your throat, keeping yourself together under the temptation of pining him down for once.

You ran your hands down his chest, holding him down on the couch while you kissed the moles on his face and neck. Your theory had been true indeed, soft sounds escaping his lips every now and then: he was a whiner. A big one, for that matter, as he wiggled his fingers under your shirt to dig into your sensitive skin. You intentionally avoided his mouth, enjoying the sound of his shallow breaths as you cupped his hot face.

With all the strength he could manage, Hyuck sat up, having you sit in his lap. He preferred that better, having so much more access to you and regaining some control over your actions (even though he didn’t mind you dominating him).

With one hand on your back and one holding your face, he brought you into a deep kiss, mumbling a breathy “finally” onto your lips then biting down on them. You could feel violet bruises bloom on your mouth, roughly leaving marks wherever he could before running his tongue over them. You eventually opened your mouth into a lustful make out session, Donghyuck moving his palms down to your hips and digging into them demandingly. Your chest was flushed against his and you swore your hearts were beating in sync.

Haechan ripped his mouth from yours, stopping to look into your eyes with immense adoration. His arms wrapped around your waist one more time, bringing you even closer to his body into a tight embrace, so new compared to every other hug he’d ever given you. His forehead was on your shoulder as he whispered softly:

“Geez, why did I wait so long?”

His chuckle came out airy, with a sense of relief. His question made you ponder as well, realizing you had been craving him for so long. But as you ran your hands up and down his messy hair, you slowly found the answer: he’s an idol. He’s the apple of everyone’s eye. You’re Jaemin’s little sister and not even close to famous. The difference between you two was undeniable and it made your heart drop every time it came back to you. You inhaled his intoxicating scent, filling your lungs with the aroma as if you’d never see him again. Your grip grew tighter onto him and he noticed without fail.

He looked at you, searching for your gaze once again. This eye contact he kept initiating was making your stomach do flip after flip.

“What’s wrong?” his unique voice sounded so concerned and sweet when he spoke to you, and you had to hold back from kissing him again.

“I don’t want you to change for me.”

“What—why change?” he raised his eyebrows. You could almost sense a trace of fear.

“You’re… an idol. When people find out about this, you’ll be—” you caught your breath, “you’ll be hurt.”

He held your stare, tensing up.

“You know…you don’t have to do this.” Hyuck said in a low voice.

You wrapped your hands tighter around his neck, assuring him that you wanted to, badly. You wanted to be there for him all the time, you wanted to give him love for days on end, without hesitation. Hearing these things, Haechan closed his eyes and smiled thinly, holding you in his arms with so much care and passion.

“Then go ahead, because I want you so much.”  He slurred the last two words. His lips found yours again in a quick, meaningful peck.

Before you knew it, you switched places, with you now sitting down on the sofa and him on top of you, his arms on either side of you as your mouths stuck to each other.

His kisses grew sloppy and slow, drawing them down your chin and jawline while you helplessly moaned. He was infatuated with all the sounds coming out of you, making sure to tear as many as he could from your pretty lips. He also grunted softly against your heated skin every now and then as your fingers curled in his soft hair.

Soon enough, your collarbones were being marked with blue bruises, his fingers drawing the lines of your waist and ribs under your shirt. It felt surreal.

The haze you were in suddenly broke when you heard the front door unlock and a bunch of feet trampling around the hallway, screaming and announcing their arrival with inhuman sounds. Chenle and Jisung were definitely there, and you were fairly sure Jeno was the one scolding them because “Hyuckie is sick and asleep!1!1!!!”.

 The two of you stared at each other in utter confusion. You both preferred the dreamies wouldn’t find out anything until you had discussed it properly, so you wordlessly nodded and brainstormed for a way to make the situation look a little better.

Haechan laid with his head on your stomach as you pulled the blanket over him, making it seem like the only thing happening was an innocent nap he had decided to take with you. His arms were wrapped around your legs as you sat and watched whatever was going on in the new movie that had started. You couldn’t help but keep your fingers between his soft caramel locks, making his face shine with a sleepy smile.

“YA Y/N!” Chenle shouted at you, as a greeting. The other two boys waved at you with puppy eyes. “We got things for Haechannie~”

You giggled and told them to leave the bags on the table, trying not to draw attention to yourself or the couch. Donghyuck impatiently shifted, facing your stomach and pressing sweet, lingering kissing onto your tummy, as you tugged at his hair in a desperate attempt to get him to stop. After all, he had to keep his trickster reputation up, even with his soon-to-be-girlfriend.

The boys eventually scattered to their rooms, leaving the two of you alone once again. He propped himself up to reach the level of your face then kissed you chastely.

“Do you really have to sleep in Jaemin’s room tonight?” he whined with his signature baby voice, tilting his head like a kitten.

You squeezed his cheeks with one hand, pecking his puckered lips.

“If you keep up with the fever, I’ll tell him I’m checking up on you.”