#to be perfectly clear: I may try to give advice and offer my perspective but in the long run I have very little idea what I am doing

[kinosternon]

Hey anon,

I wanted to thank you for your message. I don't necessarily want to post as a response, because some of it seemed pretty private, but I hope you're doing okay and I'm sorry it took me so long to reply.

I really wish I knew more about what to do on the hard days, because I'm still figuring a lot of that out.

I guess what I want to say to you is, people deal with stress and trauma in a lot of different ways. Some of those ways are easier to understand than others. Some responses seem straightforward, others are counterintuitive. Some seem obviously dangerous or urgent on the surface, and others are almost unnoticeable, especially at first. One of the things I like about Free! is that we see so many different ways that the characters respond to emotional upset and challenges. To a stranger, Makoto's reaction to Rin's father's passing could seem more intense than Rin's. Haru's a character who takes a long time to understand his feelings about some big, important things. Ikuya's struggles become very, very obvious past a certain point, not least because he gets stuck in self-destructive loops that lead to dramatic consequences.

And then there are characters like Hiyori, who try to repress, rationalize, and quietly god-complex their way out of their issues. There are a lot of blatantly worse ways to cope (and, tbh, plenty of better ways to cope that are more upsetting for others witness), and so Hiyori's struggles are easier than most to overlook. I'm like that, too, which is why I took his character and ran with it. I suspect that's he's been relatable to you, and maybe most of my audience for whom CSCG resonated. There's a lot of problems with his particular setup, though, and not managing to get help when you try to ask for it is a big one.

The thing I've been learning recently is, suppression strategies only work for a certain length of time. Something that releases stress needs to be added sooner or later; otherwise, the pressure just builds towards a crisis point. It doesn't have to be an explosion or anything terrible to work, but smaller, safer methods of stress relief can be scary in their own way too, especially because they're slow and they don't (can't) solve everything.

The biggest advice I can give on that is keep being curious about yourself, where your suffering is coming from, and what you can do about it, even (especially) if the rest of the world doesn't seem to believe you about it yet. There are times when being selfish could hurt someone close to us, but also a lot of times when it won't, or won't under the right circumstances. If you can't set boundaries on a thing, still think about what you want your boundaries to be someday. Experiment with things within your control that help you feel better. Notice which things outside your control make you feel worse, and think about ways you can try to limit how much/badly/often those things get through to you. (Hiding from the world may be selfish, sometimes, but again: selfish isn't necessarily bad or hurtful.)

Putting feelings into words, or art, or even a less obviously creative hobby like games or exercise, are good ways to try to let off some pressure. I take a lot of refuge in fictional characters, but following idols (or even just reading the advice of experts, or about the lives of famous people) can be another good way to deal with things. On the bad days, finding out more about people (or stories, or places, or any special interest) can be a thing to look forward to—a concrete piece of evidence about the good stuff we have a chance of learning by sticking around. Finding ways to learn more about those feelings—I write fiction and talk with friends and do therapy and occasionally journal—can be a way of making sense of them. Or, for me a lot of the time, a way of finally figuring out what-all exactly has been going through my head in the first place.

Most importantly, keep looking for new ways and systems that might help you reach out. Just because you haven't gotten support yet doesn't mean you don't need or deserve it—it can just be really hard to find, sometimes, especially when the stuff you're dealing with is a hitting the people around you just as hard. Also, if you think you might be approaching a crisis, look up resources early for the sort of thing that you worry might happen. Not because it will, just because you're someone who's worth caring about, which means you're worth setting up precautions for, even if the stuff you're worried about never comes to fruition.

Anyway. Sending you lots of love and hope that things get better for you soon. Let's keep hanging in there. (And keep enjoying things like pretty anime boys and K-Pop idols! It's so important to hold onto what brings us joy. <3 )

(PS: I, uh...figure there's a chance that you're the same anon who asked me about a video translation way back when, so if you are—or someone reading this is—I wish I could promise I'm gonna look at it, but crosstalk is hard for me to hear/translate and I only know the Free! VAs in common with UtaPri, so... I can't promise much, lol)

[know-the-way]

I know it’s really stupid of me but I was kind of hoping for a redemption arc for Faustus. 😅😢

It’s not stupid, not at all! It’s natural to want to see the best in people, particularly when you believe they can be better than what they are now, so it’s completely understandable.

And, ya know, if the show gets picked up - he may have one yet still, we don’t know!

To me, this season really highlighted what the purpose of Faustus’ character is supposed to be, imo. Thinking of episode 4, we’re shown three different levels of corruption through three different characters.

The first is Harvey. Pure, sweet, golden boy Harvey is revealed to have some deep-seeded hatred of witches. Does he have any reason to hate witches? Well, let’s check - he lost a brother, got manipulated, controlled, and lied to by his first love, and has been in an endless cycle of extreme danger for the past year of his life. I think it’s fair to say we all understand that prejudice is not okay, but is it equally understandable why Harvey has some hang-ups about magic and witches? I personally think it is. (Not to the point of joining a literal witch hunt or angrily accusing your distressed best friend of killing your dad at her 17th birthday party 🙃, but understandable nonetheless.)

I personally think the intention with Harvey’s character being a cadet in Blackwood’s army was to demonstrate how, even when we believe someone to be morally good and just, they can become someone else when they endure pain and that pain is never properly addressed.

Did Sabrina apologize to Harvey for everything that happened between them? Yes. But did she repeat the same troublesome behaviors in different ways after that? Also yes. She didn’t demonstrate change in her actions, and a loootttt more happened with Harvey and the witch world in a negative way beyond his relationship with Sabrina, so the mistrust he feels isn’t entirely unjustified.

Then - “oh wow, oh my God, my second love has also hid being a witch from me, can I catch a fucking break here? Why should I ever trust another witch in my life?”

Answer: because they are humans, none being wholly good or bad, and they love you.

Roz talks to Harvey, tells him she believes he’s good, and demonstrably proves her own “goodness” by sacrificing herself to save others at Dr. C’s. Roz shows Harvey that she means what she says and her feelings for him are real - that she is a scared, broken human like him, just trying to do her best with what life has given her. Hence, when the moment of truth comes - Harvey remembers his humanity and proves his own “goodness” by saving her. But if Roz had never spoken to him, never acknowledged what he’d been through and that his feelings were valid... if no one had ever truly cared about his pain? It seems apparent that Harvey would have continued down a very dark path.

Which brings us to...

Mary. Mary has been literally murdered, had her identity hijacked by a demoness, her fiancé is dead, she doesn’t remember several months of her life, and her previous favorite student is a witch who has seemingly performed magic more than once on her.

Mary has every right to fear witches at this point. She has had zero trustworthy interactions with the witch world and from her perspective - her entire life has been stolen and no one cares. No one checks in on Mary, no one validates her pain, and as a result - no one in the witch world seems to have any compassion, humanity, or kindness in them. Enter the Pilgrims of the Night, who recognize her pain and fear without even knowing her, acknowledge it, and offer her solace in their congregation on the basis that her experience with witches is shared by the Reverend Lovecraft and his flock.

They prove themselves to her when the advice the Reverend/Faustus gives her (“let the dark in”) saves her life. My God, someone finally seems to care if she lives or dies!

People who care about others are good, so the church and the reverend’s mission must be good, too. Therefore, she is absolutely invested in whatever is asked of her and will blindly follow their lead in order to protect others from experiencing what she has. To me, Mary in the perverted universe represented the crossroads of corruption - where you truly believe what you’re doing is the right thing, even if it hurts others because those “others” have hurt you... and they will surely hurt again if you don’t stop them.

However, I think if Mary was finally told the truth - the full truth - and Lilith herself apologized for being the first piece in the puzzle... along with all the other witches... AND they showed that they actually cared about her well-being... Mary could find her way back through forgiveness. Or, at the very least, she could understand and process everything so that she could find a way to heal that doesn’t involve persecuting others.

And now, there’s Faustus. We aren’t entirely clear on Faustus’ history altogether, but we do know he’s had many experiences of being slighted by the churches of darkness (despite following the rules to a T).

He was rebuked by Edward for wanting to marry Zelda after mentoring him for who knows how many years, lost the office of high priest to him, and when he finally gets the title - here comes Edward’s self-righteous brat to fuck him over again. There he is trying to carry out the Dark Lord’s request to get Sabrina to sign her name in the Book of the Beast, even though she insults their doctrines and faith at every turn, and the coven and academy he’s had working like a well-oiled machine for the past 16 years is being slowly ripped apart. Why is the Dark Lord allowing this? Why is he having to endure a meddlesome child’s antics? Why is he not being rewarded for doing exactly as he’s been asked and returning the Church of Night to stability after Edward nearly destroyed it altogether? Like hello Dark Lord, can you throw me a fucking bone here?

Small victories - he finally secures Zelda’s hand in marriage and an audience with the anti-pope. This is what his life should’ve looked like two centuries ago, but no matter. He’s correcting it all now and by Satan, nothing is going to stop him this time.

But then...

Oh cool, Sabrina is here to intervene again and has presented the text of his old rival for consideration along with his (clearly superior) manifesto. What’s that, you say? Oh, she’s also gonna crash my wedding, accuse me of murder, and spread claims about my manifesto without having even read it? Wow, ahaha, sounds hilarious... except why am I not laughing?

He arrives in Rome and gets an inkling that the Dark Lord may finally be taking action about this heretical little monster because he’s offered the title of anti-pope by the unholy high council themselves. Finally, some appreciation! He just needs to hang on a little longer, eliminate these small meddlesome threats, and soon he will reside over a peaceful kingdom far removed from anymore mortal nonsense.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, what do you mean Sabrina convinces the council he’s unfit to be anti-pope? This is bullshit, man! You know what? Fuck this place, I’m gonna make my own damn church and ensure no other headstrong witches like Sabrina Buzzkill Spellman can ruin it. That’ll finally return things to ord- MY WIFE KEPT MY OWN CHILD A SECRET FROM ME?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Alright, that’s it, The Spellmans are clearly here to poison others (ironic foreshadowing) - time to wash my hands of them completely, I am so over thi- what’s that? The Dark Lord’s here? GOOD. About time this asshole showed up to set people straight and remind them that the values of his unholy church, which Faustus has exemplified perfectly, must be respected.

You mean for me to bow down to whom now? The halfbreed brat who has been directly and willfully wreaking havoc on the congregation he’s patiently and painstakingly lead back to greatness? Are you fucking serious, m8? No. Absolutely not. No. I’m getting out of here, and since I won’t have the little twat poison anyone else, I will literally poison them instead. Be free, sheep!

It’s up until this point that I believe Faustus was still mostly at the crossroads stage, same as Mary. He believed everything he was doing was the right thing, based on the teachings from the religion he devoted his entire life to, and that he’d be rewarded for serving the Dark Lord so faithfully - until the Dark Lord proved several times in succession that his religion was all a lie. That three+ centuries worth of groveling and abiding and waiting has meant absolutely nothing.

So now we have the Eldritch terrors. Beings more powerful than the oldest gods. He spends 15 years isolated in a time bubble purifying himself, devoting everything to them, and won’t it be so glorious when they welcome him into his ranks? He’s set them free now, after all, they owe it to him.

But doing the same action over and over and expecting a different result is what? The definition of insanity, friends. Of course the Eldritch terrors reject him, too... of course Sabrina gains their attention and veneration instead... of course he should have tried to seize their power for himself a long time ago... so, fuck it all, he’ll do that now. There is no right and wrong, there is no observed justice - if there was, he would have been rightfully recognized for all the time, effort, and pain he’s endured only to receive nothing in return.* No one ever acknowledged his pain... no one ever even considered it. Over time, that takes its toll.

(*Clearly, I mean this to be from Faustus’ perspective and not my own.)

Of course, he has inflicted more than his fair share of pain himself and I am of the personal belief he needed to pay for that, but... equally imagine being hurt over and over and watching those who did it walk away, not only without reprimand, but with the belief that they were right and just to do it? Could it slowly drain on one’s soul to watch the rules apply to some and not others? Debatable, I suppose, but I personally think yes.

So... I say all of this only to point out that there is still potential to acknowledge his pain. And thus, there is imo still potential to understand, communicate properly (I am very interested in any conversations he and Sabrina may have had during their training - I know he said she took a vow of silence, but clearly some talking occurred for Sabrina to learn so much about the void from him), grow, and finally - for him to be given the chance to repair everything he had a hand in breaking. It wouldn’t be an easy or painless task to get to that point, and no one would be faulted for not trusting him to do so, but I think there is potential for it. If they get picked up and they want to finally allow the characters some time to reflect and process shit, they could include Faustus in that.

[babbushka]

Please read the whole thing ❤️

Hey everyone, Zannah here. 

I’ve taken some time and stepped away from this platform after all the drama that happened a month or so ago, and in that time I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thank you all so much, for your kindness and support in allowing me to unplug for a little while, I really needed that break just for my own sanity. I hope that in this time, you all have been doing as well as you can in this very stressful year. I’d like to take this brief moment and thank my most dear friends who have been my rock. This experience has shown me that good friends, truthful friends, are hard to come by. If you have them, please make sure they know how much you love them.

You know, I’ve been on this platform for just about ten years. For a few of those years, I’ve been here in the AD community, and I can honestly say I’ve never had a more negative experience in my life, from the actions that I’ve witnessed and experienced. I stayed away from people I didn’t like, I didn’t read fic I didn’t like, I avoided content and artwork that upset me, because I’m an adult. And foolishly I was expecting others to do the same, because as I always say, your internet experience is up to you to cultivate. You are responsible for no one else’s actions other than your own.

I’ve dealt with people coming into my inbox condemning me for the way I interpret fictional characters from day one. I’ve dealt with people calling me slurs and names, telling me to kill myself, telling me they were going to kill me themselves, that I deserve awful unspeakable things, for not agreeing with the way that they interpret a fictional character. Those were all easy to ignore, because they were always, always either about my Jewishness, or about the Jewishness of my characters, and I have no time for bigots, I just don’t.  

People got angry with me for having boundaries in not wanting to write certain things, or for not wanting to write them in the specific way that they wanted me to. People got angry with me for being frustrated, that time and time again I was being treating as some writing machine and not a person, by them not giving me the basic respect of checking the small list of tropes and themes I’m uncomfortable writing which I’ve made so accessible every time. Time and time again I became frustrated, being asked questions that I’ve made clear on so many occasions, that I was uncomfortable answering, or held negative opinions of.

And that was frustrating, because it was a level of entitlement I’d never seen before – people wanted my writing, but only if it satisfied their needs with little regard to my own feelings, and called me a bully when I didn’t comply. Still, it was just about the writing, and I could ignore that.

But then, strangers started getting angry with me because I had blocked them for whatever reason from seeing my content. Strangers got angry with me for standing up for myself when people tried to pull stunts in the inbox. When people asked me for advice or my opinion on a whole assortment of topics, they said I was being a bully because they didn’t like what I had to say. A difference of opinion is not a personal attack, but it seems as though many people haven’t grasped that concept. People said I was betraying others’ trust by answering anonymous asks on the internet, something that has exactly 0 risk or stakes in sending. People said I was a bitch when I tried to offer genuinely constructive and critical responses. People got angry that I blocked their IP address for sending me unwanted, anonymous, negative hot takes that I didn’t ask for, nor that I cared about. People said I never took accountability for anything, when in reality they just wanted me to change my mind about certain topics, and got angry when I held true to my convictions. 

I hope you can all imagine why I didn’t respond pleasantly. Like every content creator on this website and on any website, we don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone writing, I don’t owe anyone answers, I don’t owe anyone attention or time. And something that I’ve learned most of all, is that I don’t owe people the pleasure of indulging in flame wars that get brought to my feet. I am not interested in wasting my time trying to defend myself and my good name, against people who have already made up their mind about me from a few misunderstandings, a single interaction, or a one-sided and angry perspective. I’m not interested in wasting my time over things that I know in my heart, aren’t true.

One thing people sometimes tell me, is that I was “rude to a perfectly genuine anon.” I would like to say this; there is absolutely no way for me to know the intention of any anon, other than the way the message comes across. And I’ll be the first to admit, often intention is misinterpreted! When that happens and the person reaches out, I always, every time, have apologized. And just as easy as it is for me to misinterpret someone’s genuine ask as rude or offensive, it is easy for my genuine responses to be interpreted as rude or clipped. Tone is difficult over the internet -- tone is difficult in text where these people are anonymous strangers and I have no idea who they are or with which intentions they’re coming from. 

That being said, people can still say hurtful things without the intention of doing so. People have said unintentionally hurtful things to me, and I now realize that I have said things which have been hurtful to others. Good intentions mean nothing, when real hurt and pain is caused. To those people, I would like to give a genuine and sincere apology. I hope, as all I can ever do is hope, that folks here know I never come from a place of malice. Moving forward, I will do my best to respond in ways that I hope will come across as respectful as possible, even when disagreeing. I believe the only legitimate form of apology is changed behavior, and I intend to make that change so that this space can be more inclusive and welcoming, as I have only ever wished it to be. 

Because, well, I like to think that we have made a welcoming and inclusive space, a space where we are able to respect one another’s boundaries. I am just one person, just a girl with a blog on the internet who has tried to forge a community of peers and friends. I am not a politician with a PR team approving my every post, there are no mods here to help me interact with you guys. I’m just a girl who writes fanfic and posts it on the internet. I write fanfic that makes me happy, that I’m proud of, for me, and I am happy to share it with you. Especially because through that fanfic, I’ve met incredible wonderful people, and I’m thankful for all of you.

Through having this blog, I’ve met people that I consider to be lifelong friends -- people that I plan on building a future with, and for that I’m forever grateful. I’ve met people who have become inspired to write their own fanfic or start their own blogs, and even when it’s a subject matter that’s not something I’m interested in or one that I personally don’t like, I have always, always been encouraging. Because this is a hobby, this is something people should be doing for fun, because they want to, and no other reason. So when I see claims that “I’ve forced people to quit writing” or someone saying “I quit the fandom because of you”, I know that that’s simply not true. The only way you quit writing is by not writing anymore. It may feel better to blame someone for the reasons why, but no one can make you do anything except yourself. 

Similarly, I’ve seen people saying that I’ve “ruined their favorite character” and to that all I have to say is what I’ve always been saying; if you don’t like my writing, you don’t have to read it. If you don’t like my interpretation of characters, you don’t have to consume the content I put out. If you don’t like my opinions, you don’t have to follow me. People don’t “ruin characters” for anyone else, when you simply avoid the content you don’t like, and focus on (or make) the content you do like.

Have I been confused when someone shares my story with a tag that didn’t make sense and so I reached out to them privately to address the issue? Yes. 

Have I expressed my negative feelings about fics and the trends of fandom in the comfort and boundaries of my own blog, in posts that I remove when I felt that they no longer were worth keeping up? Yes.

Have I expressed my concerns regarding certain tropes, themes and kinks, opinions formed by my own firsthand experience with them, coupled with the potential damaging effects they may have on a young and impressionable audience like some of those in this fandom? Yes. 

I don’t deny any of these things, because I am not ashamed of any of these things. You don’t have to like it, but that does not make me a monster, nor does it make me a tormenter of this fandom as I have been called.

Tormenting people in fandom is making long scathing posts publicly blasting someone because you’re angry that they blocked you. Or making long public callout posts to warn others in the fandom of my many crimes – crimes which actually aren’t crimes at all – and whipping up a frenzy of frothing at the mouth hate. Or reblogging a post and hijacking it with long commentary about something that has nothing to do with you in an attempt to shame the original poster. Or getting screenshots of private conversations where someone is joking with a person who they once thought was a friend, that are taken out of context and framing them to fit a narrative you’re spinning against them. That’s torment.

This fandom has the most vicious and warped mob mentality that I have ever seen. I’ve seen it in the treatment of Adam and Joanne, I’ve seen it in the treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran. I’ve seen it in the treatment of other bloggers, and well, I can say I’ve seen it and experienced it myself. I worry for the future of the fandom, when this sort of behavior is rewarded and celebrated, because people are so quick to simply agree with someone’s impassioned anger instead of thinking critically for themselves.

However (and this is the ‘but’ of the whole post), I cannot make this post and make all these statements without saying that this community has also been a place of kindness and support and acceptance, and I’m genuinely touched by everyone who has ever gone out of their way to talk to me. I thought long and hard about deleting this blog. I thought about just packing up and leaving our corner of the web, or moving to other platforms. I even put out a little announcement on my ao3 that I was done, I was out of here. But it didn’t sit right with me. It didn’t feel right to abandon all the incredibly beautiful, talented, welcoming, supportive and kind people that had found some peace in this corner of the web. I was absolutely blown away by the sweet messages that were sent to my inbox, and my DMs, the posts that were circulated written by friends and strangers alike literally brought me to tears. 

I know that many people here do not like me, and want nothing to do with me, and that’s okay. I know that my content is not for everyone, my opinions are not going to be lined up with everyone else’s, that’s okay too. People have not liked me from the beginning lol, that’s nothing new to me. I have always said, that I would continue to write even if no one read my stuff, and that’s still true. You are in charge of your internet experience, follow the people and consume the content that makes you happy, and block out the things that don’t. 

If you are reading this and you are one of the kind people, one of the supportive and understanding people who are on my side, I cannot say thank you enough. The time I took away made me realize that there are much larger problems in the world than strangers on the internet having negative opinions about me, and that kindness will always be more powerful than hate. The community we have built together means more to me than the bullshit other people try and start.

So, all of this is to say, that I’m back.

Some things are going to be a little different around here; I’m very very sorry I know I said I would never do this but I’ve turned the anonymous function off for the time being just for the sake of my sanity, and I’ve updated my FAQ. Writing will no longer be posted directly to tumblr, but rather a redirect link from AO3 will be posted making all tag-list requests null and void.

But other things will remain the same. We’re still going to have sleepovers, I’m still going to accept prompts (but please give me some time before we get back to sinday, as I’m still in a little bit of unease about all of this). I’m still going to be talking about my personal AU, and I’m still going to be uploading fanart and gifs and memes and shitposts and answering your questions and giving you the love you all have shown to me over the years.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for giving me the time to say my peace. I know it’s a long post, but I’ve been sitting on these thoughts for quite some time, and I’m relieved to finally express them. Please know that my posting this isn’t intended to stir up anything, or cause any drama, or relive any pain. 

I just missed you all very dearly. I hope that we can move onward and upward together, a babbushka 2.0 of sorts. It’s an exciting time to be in this fandom, and I am looking forward to experiencing everything together.

I’m sending you all of my love. 

[the-sympathetic-villain]

You Belong With Me - Chapter 4

AO3 | First | Previous | Next | Masterpost

Description: Much to his surprise, after being released from prison for a crime he didn’t commit, Logan has been appointed as a the prince’s new advisor. 

Word Count: 4941

Chapter Warnings: None (Let me know if I missed anything!)

Roman seemed to know that Logan wasn't feeling up to talking and was filling the silence as they walked. He spun grandiose stories about the history of the castle and the kingdom. Logan’s thoughts drifted. He appreciated Roman’s attempt to distract him with his stories, but he could feel anxiety beginning to take root in the pit of his stomach as it started to sink in how little he knew about their country’s history. Any history Logan had learned had come from the jaded old men of the small town where he’d grown up and by his own admittance, they were hardly reliable or extensive sources of information. Not many people spent time studying history when they were struggling just to make it to the next day. Roman’s stories were more fanciful than the stories he knew. He spoke of old wars and great rebellions. He recounted the stories of heroes and the fall of empires.  Logan smiled as he watched Roman light up telling stories of heroes and villains and their conquests and adventures.

Roman led him through the various rooms, talking as he weaved through the crowds. Logan glanced around the crowds as he followed Roman around yet another corner. Business around the castle moved about as usual. People bustled about through the halls of the tower going about their normal routines. Logan swallowed. The sheer magnitude of his new position threatened to overwhelm him as he realized that he’d eventually be responsible for welfare of the people moving about around them.

 How can I be an advisor of any value when I know so little about my country and the people within it?

Roman noticed that Logan seemed distracted. “What are you thinking about?”

Logan looked over at him cautiously. “Are you sure you thought this through?”

“Thought what through?”

“Appointing me to be your advisor.”

Roman slowed his pace, raising an eyebrow as he looked over at Logan. “What makes you think I haven't?”

“My knowledge of the kingdom is rudimentary. The little information I did have access to doesn’t even come from particularly credible sources. It’s just stories I heard or read when I was younger. I barely know the basics of how the politics here work, let alone the intricacies of the system.” Logan paused. “How can you trust my advice to make decisions that are going to affect thousands of people?”

Roman shrugged. “You'll learn.”

“Perhaps, but why choose an advisor of my knowledge level when you have your choice of any of the top scholars in the country.  You have access to people who have devoted their entire lives to understanding this kingdom and it's intricacies. Their education far exceeds my own knowledge.”

“I've had scholars at my table. I've worked with people who have spent their whole lives dedicated to the study of political practice and theory. I couldn’t stand it. It's all theory to them. They sit in their cushy studies, reading away their lives while servants bring them their food and wash their clothes. They can't possibly grasp the true consequences of the decisions I make every day.”

“So, you were looking for someone who knew what it's like to be at the bottom of the barrel.”

Roman stopped in his tracks. “No! That's not—"

Logan waved off his concern. “It's perfectly fine, Roman. I’m not offended. I appreciate that perspective from you as a leader. Not many people with authority have that capacity for empathy.”

“I suppose.” Roman ran his fingers through his hair, unsure of how to handle Logan’s praise. “I don’t want you to misunderstand me. I do prefer my advisors to have real world experience but it’s more than that. That is only a part of my reasoning for appointing you. You've proven yourself to be intelligent, resourceful and you clearly have a passion for learning. I have no doubt you'll be quick-witted enough to keep up. Given time, I don't doubt you will surpass many of our scholars.”

Logan looked down at the stone floor, pondering Roman's assumptions. “Your intuition for my tendencies is impressive. Given access to the resources, I imagine the problem will be pulling me away from studying to do my job.” Logan smiled at Roman.

“I figured that may be the case, which is why we’re here.” Roman smiled, turning to face an enormous set of oaken double doors. He grasped the brass handle and pulled the heavy door open, gesturing for Logan to lead the way.

Logan walked through to door and had to stop for moment to let his eyes adjust. The room was filled with bright light, pouring in from tall windows on the north and west walls. After a moment, his vision cleared, leaving Logan speechless. They stood at the entrance of a massive library. The walls were covered from floor to ceiling in bookshelves. The shelves towered above them at such a height that the higher shelves required long ladders to reach. Logan slowly walked into the room, barely managing to keep his jaw from hanging agape. Resting between the bookshelves sat ornately carved desks with delicate gilded flower designs. He let his hand drift over the smooth, polished woods as he wandered along the edge of the room. He inhaled, taking in the smell of the old books and it was beautifully, wonderfully quiet. Logan was speechless, in awe of the room around him.

Roman smirked as he watched Logan’s reaction. He leaned smugly on the doorframe behind him. “I figured you would like it here. A few hundred titles should keep you busy for a while.”

Logan nodded, still struggling to form words.

“It's not the only library in the castle, and honestly, it's not even the largest.” Roman laughed softly. “But it's quiet and a good place to focus.”

“It's amazing.” Logan said breathlessly as he wandered through the rows of shelves. “This is more books than I imagined I would see in my lifetime.”

Roman raised an eyebrow as he idly followed Logan. “I suppose you didn't have access to many books where you lived before.”

“I'd be lucky to track down two or three books a year and I'd read them until the spines fell apart.” Logan stopped at one of the shelves, reaching out to feel the spines of the books as he perused the titles.

“Honestly, I’m impressed you even learned to read. It's unfortunately not a common skill most places. Not many have the opportunity, let alone a decent teacher. Unless you grow up with enough privilege to afford a decent education.”

Logan shrugged. “I was fortunate. I didn't have much family around growing up, but my grandmother taught me the basics. Since then, I've read everything I could get my hands on.”

Roman was quiet as Logan walked along walls of books, deep in focus, pulling out a few titles and taking mental notes of the locations of books he wanted to read later. Roman nodded and stepped back, leaning back on the bookshelves as he watched Logan browse. He watched as Logan’s focus leave their conversation, narrowing in to the books in front of him. Roman saw the tension melt from Logan’s body as he lost track of the world around him.

Roman smiled. His heart warmed as he watched Logan relax for the first time since they’d met. He whispered to himself sadly, too quietly for Logan to hear. “Oh, Logan. I definitely made the right choice.”

Half and hour had passed when the chime of the distant bell tower jolted Roman away from watching Logan, lost in his own thoughts. He listened closely, counting the bell chimes. Roman frowned. He hesitated, reluctant to interrupt Logan. He cleared his throat and Logan looked up at him. “Unfortunately, we can't stay longer. I’m expected upstairs for some military planning shortly.”

“What would you like me to do in the meantime?”

“You’ll join me.” Roman said idly, eyeing Logan’s reaction. “I'm serious about you not being alone. You'll be free to do what you like tomorrow. Today though, I don't want you out of my sight.”

“Yes, sir.” Logan said dryly, as he stood to follow Roman.

Roman frowned. “Don't be like that, Logan. You’re welcome to come back whenever you like. This place isn't going anywhere, and you have full access now. It's one of the perks of your new position.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Roman.” His voice trailed off to a whisper. He glanced over at Roman cautiously. Roman frowned as he watched a tense, nervousness return to Logan’s demeanor.

“What’s concerning you, Logan?”

Logan was quiet but he glanced up at Roman. Words hung at the tip of his tongue.

Roman moved closer to him. “Please, I want you to speak freely with me.”

Logan hesitated but he couldn't help but give in to Roman’s pleading look. “I don’t want to give you reason to doubt my capabilities but I feel ill-equipped to engage in a discussion about a subject I know so little about. I know it’s my job but I don’t know that I’m ready to be a participant in a meeting like this.”

Roman relaxed, smiling at him playfully. “Is that all?”

Logan crossed his arms and nodded nervously.

“You know that you’ll need to be at all of these meetings, eventually.”

Logan looked down at the ground, gritting his teeth. “I am aware. I just didn’t expect my participation to be so immediate. I haven't even had a full day in my new position.” Logan looked away, trying to hide the anxiety burning in his chest.

Roman moved toward him, resting his hand on Logan’s shoulder. He waited for Logan to look up at him. “Neither did I, Logan. When I offered you the job, I told you would be given time to adjust before I held you responsible for your position and I fully intend on following through on that promise. I’m asking you to join me today solely as an observer. I’m not asking you to participate. Unless you choose to, I don't expect you to engage in our discussion. Just listen and observe. Okay?”

Logan relaxed significantly, dropping his arms to his sides. He smiled appreciatively at Roman. “Very well, Roman. I believe that’s within my capabilities.”

Logan trailed closely behind Roman as he turned into the meeting room near the top of the tower. Red tapestries hung from the ceiling along the walls of the room. The room opened wide. No natural light entered the windowless room. Ornate wall sconces lined the room lit, casting the room in an soft amber light. A round table covered in maps occupied the center of the room. Individual markers were placed strategically across the table, indicators of placements of troops throughout the country.

Logan’s gaze followed Roman. He watched curiously as Roman’s demeanor changed. His normally carefree jaunt became confident and focused. He moved aside the maps and cleared space on the table. He pulled a roll of parchment from a small pile off to the left of the main map and began to make some precursory notes.

Logan followed with less confidence. Shifting nervously in the doorway, he was unsure of what to do, but unwilling to disrupt the prince’s focus. He hesitated for a moment before following Roman to the far side of the room. He quietly leaned against the wall behind Roman, watching him work. Curiosity welled in Logan’s chest as he watched the prince move about the room. Roman’s soft demeanor that Logan had come to know disappeared under an air of authority. It was a strange experience to watch this new side of Roman.

Logan stood up off the wall, occasionally glancing at the door. He anxiously awaited the beginning of the meeting.

A few minutes passed before the other attendees began to filter into their seats. Logan watched as they took their seats. Most didn't give Logan a second glance, though he caught a few flashing him suspicious looks. Fortunately, they didn’t seem to be willing to question his presence in front of Roman. The seats around the table filled quickly and they spoke among themselves in hushed tones. Logan breathed deeply, watching the dynamics of the people around him.

Lost in thought, he almost missed the last person entering the room, but a familiar laugh jarred him from his thoughts. He looked up and instinctively bit his bottom lip as Remus walked in, followed closely by one of the same minions who had assaulted Logan earlier that day.

Logan’s muscles tensed. His heart beat rapidly in his chest. He clenched his jaw, keeping his face neutral, determined not to let his discomfort show.

Logan’s knees went weak when Remus finally noticed him. Remus gaze narrowed in on Logan. The amber light cast from sconces on the wall flickered, intensifying the menacing smile stretching across Remus' face. Panic welled up in Logan’s chest. He crossed his arms to hide his shaking hand and pushed the anxiety down, determined not to let Remus influence him.

Remus dropped into the seat directly across the table from Roman. He crossed one leg over the other and slouched in his chair, flashing a dangerous smile up at Logan. A sudden chill surged through Logan’s body as Remus stared at him. The room quieted as Remus took his seat.

“Is everyone prepared to begin?” Roman asked, looking up from his notes.

Everyone mumbled their agreement, except Remus who merely raised his eyebrow.

“Very well. We'll begin by recounting the events from the previous meeting.” He gestured to the man sat beside him. “Please, will you do us the honor of recounting the last meeting?”

“Yes, your hi-" he began.

“Forgive my interruption,” Remus said, unapologetically sneering at Logan. “Are we just going to ignore the elephant in the room?”

“To what exactly are you referring, Remus?” Roman asked, his voice neutral.

“I'm sure I'm not alone in my distrust of the stranger in our midst.” He gestured to Logan. Logan held Remus’ gaze, ignoring the others as the turned to focus on him.

“Logan has been appointed as my personal advisor. He has a place here. Unless you have a legitimate concern, I insist we move on.” Roman's voice was stern as he stared at Remus.

Remus seemed unconcerned. “He was to be executed for treason less than a fortnight ago. He’s been out of prison for little over a day. Is it really wise to allow him to hear our country’s most privileged and confidential information? Is this not a legitimate cause for concern?”

Some of the others murmured in agreement.

“Logan was pronounced innocent beyond a shadow of a doubt. On top of that, his actions saved my life, and in doing so, he saved the kingdom from considerable strife. These are not the actions of a traitor.” Roman stated dryly. “I’ll say again, if anyone has a legitimate concern, I would be happy to hear you out.”

“Surely, he can speak for himself.” Remus raised an eyebrow at Logan, barely concealing a smile as Logan shifted uncomfortably.

“I—" Logan began.

“No, Logan.” Roman interrupted, staring sternly at Remus. “You do not have to dignify that comment with a response. Let me be perfectly clear. Any problem with Logan is a problem with me. You either trust my judgment or you don’t.”

Silence filled the room. Roman met the gaze of each person at the table and one by one, they looked away. Finally, he settled on Remus but unlike the others, he did not look away.

“Alright… alright. I meant no offense, my dear Roman. I only thought we should talk about it since it was clearly on everyone’s mind." He conceded, sounding bored, apparently unconcerned about the disturbance he'd caused. "Curiosity has a way of derailing even the most diligent of souls.”

Roman ignored him and proceeded to start the meeting. He led the discussion of the strategic placement of troops throughout the outer regions and spoke on the political relationships developing with neighboring countries. Logan watched as Remus leaned back in his chair, uncharacteristically quiet as the meeting moved on. Logan focused in on Roman's words, analyzing what Roman was saying and following as they moved the markers around the map. The meeting continued in this manner for well over an hour before it seemed that the meeting was slowing. Logan sensed that the end of the meeting was drawing near. Only one final matter remained at hand. Logan leaned over Roman’s shoulder as he discussed changing relations with a neighboring country to the north that had begun to show signs of aggression on the border. Their armies seemed to be growing their presence at vital points along the border. As the conversation progressed, Logan noted that Remus was starting to show interest.  He no longer slouched in his chair. His gaze was focused as he leaned forward in his seat.

Remus interrupted Roman's discussion. “Perhaps, if we send our closest troops through the northern pass, an increased presence will deter further pressure on the border. No one likes to feel threatened.” Remus wiggled his eyebrows up at Logan while everyone turned their gaze to Roman for a response.

Logan looked back at map as bile rose in his throat from Remus’ taunting. He analyzed the map as he listened vaguely as they discussed Remus' suggestion. He follow where Remus had suggested they moved the troops. A gasp escaped his throat, which he immediately regretted, attempting to cover his mistake with a cough. all eyes in the room turned towards him, except Roman who was continuing to take notes on his piece of parchment. His cough hadn’t been enough to disguise his surprise.

“Do you have something to say to me, kid?” Remus said slyly, almost encouraging Logan to step out of line.

Logan stood a bit taller, pulling his shoulders back and standing his ground against Remus' dangerous taunts. “I am not a child. Do not refer to me as such. I was merely surprised you would make such an obviously fallacious suggestion.”

“Oh, please. Tell me more.” Remus invited, smiling sarcastically.

“That pass is dangerously precipitous due to the amount of snow and ice that occur at that high altitude, especially during this time in the season. Not to mention that the troops closest to the pass are basically new recruits. Your suggestion would likely only weaken our hold on the northern border by causing the needless deaths of our own troops.”

Roman finally looked up from his notes at Remus, smiling at Remus. “He’s right, Remus.”

Remus clapped his hands slowly, unfazed by Roman's satisfied grin. "Very good, kid."

“Remus…” Roman warned.

Remus ignored him, smiling up at Logan. “Perhaps, I haven't given you enough credit, Logan.”

Logan’s skin crawled when Remus said his name, but he held his ground at Remus' stare.

“You're very amusing.” Remus paused, smiling innocently at Logan. “Of course. I had considered that scenario. I merely wished to see Roman's brilliant new advisor in action.”

Logan maintained eye contact but remained silent.

“Of course. Our best course of action would be to send those same troops to the east to meet up with more experienced troops. Then, they can head north, circumventing the pass altogether and securing the border. Wouldn’t you agree, Logan?”

Logan hated hearing Remus say his name. Disgust and rage boiled in his stomach but all the same he couldn't argue with the logic of Remus’ second suggestion. “That suggestion seems satisfactory.”

Logan couldn’t see it but Roman smiled. “I think that was the final matter at hand. We have determined our course of action. I expect orders will be sent to the proper authorities in the north. If there are no objections, I move that we end this meeting."

The room was silent.

“Very well. This meeting has been adjourned. We will reconvene in a week's time to reevaluate our positions. Good night to you all.” Roman stood, rolling up his parchment full of notes. He gestured for Logan to follow him and led him out of the chamber.

They walked a few minutes in silence, putting distance between them and the military chamber. Logan could feel his hands shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his veins.

“You did well today, my friend.” Roman said, placing his hand on Logan's shoulder. The contact pulled Logan out of head.

“Thank you, Roman. It wasn’t much really.” He replied absently. His heart was still racing.

“Of course, it was.” Roman said encouragingly. “You pointed out a fatal flaw in our military planning. In your first meeting, no less.”

“I suppose I did.” A small glimmer of pride fluttered in Logan's chest.

“And on top of all that, you stood your ground against my brother.”

Logan’s heart dropped. The hair on his arms raised as another chill swept through his body. Suddenly, he felt a lump in his throat. “Your brother?”

“Admittedly, we aren't much alike except in looks.” He said, mistaking Logan's discomfort for confusion. “He's rarely as antagonistic as he was today. Hopefully, you'll meet him on one of his better days soon.”

“I get the impression that he isn't fond of me.” He said, trying to get a gauge on Roman's perception of Remus' reaction to him. He tried to focus on Roman but thoughts of Remus in the dark corridor and the pain in his stomach from his assault kept interrupting his thoughts.  The memories replayed back in his head and Logan was unable to force the thoughts from his mind.

“I wouldn’t concern yourself too greatly with that. Honestly, all things considered with recent events, I think we we're lucky that's all the resistance we faced today.”

“Yeah.” He said, dejected.

Roman reached out, gently turning Logan towards him. He stopped, resting his hand on Logan’s shoulder. Logan looked up to Roman’s serious expression.

“Don't let yourself despair. Winning their approval will be an uphill battle but today was a win for you. You did extraordinarily well today.”

“Thank you, Roman.” Logan blushed.

“No need to thank me, Logan." Roman smiled. "I'm only stating the truth.”

“Still, it helps to hear it.” Logan admitted.

“Then, I’m glad to help.” Roman smiled sweetly. He turned to continue down the hallway and Logan followed close behind. They walked in silence for a few seconds before they reached Logan's door.

“Wait here.” Roman left Logan at the door to his chambers and disappeared around a corner. Logan waited patiently until Roman returned. Two guards followed shortly behind him. They dispersed to the far ends of the hall as Roman approached Logan’s side once more.

Roman looked over at him with a tired smile. “I think it's time for us to part ways for tonight, unfortunately. I've instructed the guards to keep a close eye on your room tonight. They will be stationed at each end of this hall.” He gestured to the ends of the hall, where the two guard stood, fully armed.

Logan nodded, looking between the guards. “I should be okay for the night.”

“Keep your door locked all the same. I don't anticipate anything happening but I don't want you to take any risks tonight. Your personal guard will meet you in the morning and we will be able to let our worry rest.”

“Thank you. I appreciate your concern.” Logan spoke shyly.

“My pleasure.” Roman took Logan’s hand and gave a short, dramatic bow. “Until tomorrow, my friend.”

Logan smiled. His face flushed bright red with embarrassment. “Until tomorrow, Roman.”

Roman returned his smile, turning to leave. Logan watched him for a brief second before turning back to his door, slipping inside and locking the door behind him. He sighed deeply, leaning on his doorframe, taking in the strange day. He finally worked up his energy to began his new nightly routine.  A new pitcher of water had been delivered to his room and everything in his room had been freshly cleaned. He smiled. Admittedly, he could get used to some of the perks of his new position.

After he'd changed, he lay down in his freshly washed blankets, thinking about his day. His racing thoughts began to slow and, eventually, he drifted off to sleep, wondering what tomorrow had in store for him.

Roman finally approached his own room, feet dragging on the stone floor. His body was ready to collapse into his bed the second he entered his personal chambers. He knew he couldn’t, though. Not yet. He had one more meeting to take.

He let himself into his room, locking the door behind him. He hung his cloak on the rack and walked down into his main chamber.

A fire was already roaring in the fireplace and a figure in dark clothing lay on his couch. He sighed and took a seat in the large chair opposite the couch.

“You’re here early tonight.”

“Got bored.”

"Not much going on in the castle tonight?"

"Nothing worthy of reporting."

“You know. Anyone else would be in prison, if they broke into my chambers.”

“Good thing I’m not just anyone then.” The figure said, sitting up straight on the couch. Brown hair hung over his eyes, disheveled from lying on the couch. He wore a dark, black cloak that had deep maroon accent that was nearly purple in the light. As the figure's face came into view, Roman could see the dark shadows under his eyes.

Roman leaned in close. “Virgil, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“You usually do, princey.” Virgil leaned against the back of the couch.

Roman rolled his eyes. Virgil was the only person in the kingdom that Roman allowed to speak to him in such a manner. “You've heard of the man who recently became my advisor?”

“Of course. He’s all anyone is talking about right now. Our own local traitor-turned-hero.” Virgil looked over at Roman lazily.

“That would be the one.”

“What about him?”

“He was attacked today. They grabbed him in an empty corridor and assaulted him.” Roman paused. “Fortunately, all his wounds will heal. Physically, at least, but it could have been much worse.”

“So, what? You want me to track down his attackers?” Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, draping his arm over the arm of the couch.

"No. He wouldn’t say anything about who attacked him, but I have my suspicions on who was responsible.”

“Then what do you want, princey? Out with it.”

“I need someone to protect him.” Roman looked at him sternly.

“No.” Virgil said defiantly. “I'm not a babysitter.”

“Please, Virgil.” Roman pleaded. “He can't be with me all the time. I need someone I can trust to protect him.”

“Have one of the guards follow him around.”

“I can't, Virge. Recent events have proven not all of them are on my side.”

“They wouldn’t openly defy you by hurting him.”

“Virgil, he was just released from the dungeons.  Would you be comfortable if you had a guard following you around after that? I don't want him to feel like he's still a prisoner here.”

Virgil sighed. His expression softened. “That doesn’t mean he’ll be any more comfortable around me.”

“He’s been through so much already. The guards are trained to engage in combat. I don’t want him caught in the middle of that and your training is much better suited for evading trouble before it starts." Roman paused. "Virgil, I’m pleading with you. Do this for me.”

Virgil sighed. “Why does this matter so much to you, princey? A short while ago you didn’t even know this guy existed.”

“I'm not sure, Virge. I just have a feeling. Power is shifting in the kingdom. Things are changing and my gut is telling me that he has a part to play in what's coming our way."

“Listen, I know you can't walk away from someone in need,” Virgil sighed, defeated. “But this isn't what I signed on for, princey. I’m not good with people. I work best alone. I don't know if I can handle this kind of responsibility.”

“I think you’ll find he's not as hard to handle as you may assume, Virge.” Roman paused, looking over at Virgil. “Do you trust me?”

Virgil sat up, rubbing his temples. “Come on, princey. That's not in question. You know I’d follow you anywhere.”

“You'll do it then?” Roman's voice was hopeful.

Virgil rolled his eyes. He threw his head back, dramatically. “Fine.”

“Thanks, Virge. I'd like you to start as soon as possible. His room is—"

“I know where he is.” Roman looked at him in surprise. Virgil shrugged and leaned into the corner of the couch. “I've been keeping an eye on things around the castle and he’s all anyone's been talking about.”

“Very well then. You're dismissed. I'll expect to hear a report from you tomorrow afternoon when I relieve you.” Roman paused, considering his words. “Just fair warning, I suspect he's being tailed. I wasn't able to confirm it but there’s no way that they just happened to get lucky and grab him the moment he was alone.”

Virgil looked over at him, surprised. “Okay, princey. I'll figure out what's going on.”

“Good. And, Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

“Try not to scare him.”

“No promises, princey.” He laughed and pulled up his hood. Before Roman could say anything, he was gone through the door.

Yawning, Roman walked to his bedroom, rolling his eyes at Virgil’s ambivalence. His body ached for sleep, ready to collapse into his bed. He managed to change his clothes and crawl under the blankets. He was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

You Belong With Me Taglist: @cas-is-a-hunter @insert-cool-blogname @ironwoman359 @i-know-im-smart

[thorne93]

The Softest Fire (Part 22)

Prompt: Rosaline Vaughan had it all: fame, money, power, glory, a high status job. Until, one day, she woke up, and realized something was missing from her life.

Word Count: 1837

Warnings: none

Notes: First Fantastic Beast fic! I could NOT have done this at all without @arrow-guy. They have created a counterpart to this fic, writing it from Nora Vaughan’s perspective (Rosaline’s cousin/adopted sister). Fic aesthetic done by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​.

That night, we went forward with our dinner date and I was pleased, to say the least. 

“Nora, Nora, what do I wear?” I asked, fretting. “My god, everything I own is practically rags.”

“Everything you own costs way too much money,” she retorted, sitting on the chair in my bedroom. 

“Precisely. Rags.” I glanced to the clock on wall. “I’ve got three hours. I could always run out to the boutique and grab something. Right? Newt likes blue, right?”

Nora stood up and walked towards me, putting her hands on my shoulders. “Rosaline, breathe.” 

At her words, I complied. I took two deep breaths. “There, now may I resume panicking?”

She laughed. “You do realize panicking is silly, right? Newt is head over heels for you.” 

“But this is… it’s almost like an interview, with someone you already know. You still need to dress the part.” 

She peered at me, her hands on her hips. She sighed. “If you’re really hellbent on it, wear the blue one.” She walked over to my closet and pulled it out. “It makes your eyes sparkle.” 

I gazed at her, my sisterly love brimming the surface. “Thank you.” Quickly, I got a bath, dried off, and got dressed. Nora offered to help me with my hair while I worked on my makeup. Just as 8 o’clock rolled around, I was ready. I was nervous, but ready. 

The knock came at the front door. Nora smiled at me, getting up. “I’ll go let him in, so you can make your grand entrance,” she assured with a smile and head bob.

“Thanks!” 

With that, she was out the door. I could hear voices downstairs, but had no idea what they were saying. Finally, I felt like it was time. I didn’t want to delay this any more. I was more than happy to be with Newt. 

He was in a new suit. I knew this because I often helped Newt pack, and this, this was never a suit I’d seen him wear. It was dark blue, almost the color of my dress, and sharp. For a moment, I wondered if he’d sought the advice of Theseus.

I stood at the top of the stairs,admiring him, not even realizing that I wasn’t moving. 

“Rosaline? Are you, uh, ready to go?” he asked somewhat nervously. 

“Oh, yes! Right, coming.” I trotted down the stairs and met him, staring at him for a long time before finally speaking again. “The creatures--”

“Bunty’s got it under control.”

“And I’m about to go help her,” Nora informed with a slight smile. 

“Thank you, again,” Newt said before all of us slipped outside. Nora locked the door and then we went off in different directions. 

“Have a good time, you two,” Nora called to us. I blushed slightly. 

“We will.”

‘I’ll be sure not to wait up,” she teased, my blush deepening from a faint pink to bright red.

I quickly looked to Newt. “She’s joking,” I assured. 

“Right, yes, I know,” he informed, calming my senses. “I thought I would take you to the new Italian place, is that alright?”

“It’s perfectly fine, Newt,” I assured with a gentle smile. The two of us walked in comfortable silence until we reached the restaurant and got seated at a table. The atmosphere was romantic enough. Quiet, dim lighting, a table by the window.

“This place looks very nice, it’s a great choice,” I complimented. 

He bobbed his head. “Yes. Bunty’s been and she recommended it.”

“If the food is as good as the decor is, I’ll be sure to thank her.”

The two of us smiled at each other before checking the menu, then ordering. 

“How have you been?”

“Since you saw me this morning?” I questioned, a sparkle in my eye.

He bobbed his head to the side, realizing his question was a little silly. “I meant, overall, I suppose.” 

“I’m getting better,” I assured. “But let’s not talk the past. Alright? Any news on another book?” 

“Yes actually. The ministry is discussing an option about funding more research on the creatures.”

“That’s wonderful. I’m so excited for you. You must tell me about it once you get it up and going.”

“I will. Have you heard the new jazz album that released last week? I heard it playing in a record store and thought of you. I know how much you like to dance. I almost thought of buying it but…” 

I bobbed my head. “I would’ve loved that. I don’t think I’ve heard it. You’ll have to find it and play it for me sometime.” 

“I’d like that, very much.”

“Did you get a chance to read the Great Gatsby?” I wondered.

“I have not. Is it good?”

“I enjoyed it. I borrowed a copy from Nora’s store. Perhaps I can let you borrow it.”

“Yes, that would be great.” 

The two of us sat there, an awkward tension settling over the table. “I’m not sure about you, but I’m incredibly nervous,” I admitted finally, leaning over, speaking lowly.

He seemed to visibly relax. “I’m so glad you said that. I was worried it was just me.” 

I shook my head and laughed. “No, absolutely not. I’m all in knots over here. For whatever for, I’m not sure. I know you. We’ve known each other practically all our lives.” 

He agreed. 

“No sense in being awkward now.”

“None at all.” 

“In that case, let’s start fresh, shall we?”

“Yes, please.”

I cleared my throat. “I read in the paper that the Ministry is thinking of giving a small position to someone who can perform divination. What do you think of that?”

“I think it’s…a complex form of magic that takes a special kind of person to use it.” 

I nodded, smiling. “I think so too. Could you ever do it? At Hogwarts, I mean.” 

“Me? No, not really. I think I did once, but it was faint, vague. You?”

“The teacher said I could, but I’m not sure, at the time it all seemed like poppycock, you know? Just a little too… crystal ball for my taste.”

“So you don’t believe in it?”

“I just think I’m not the right person for the job. And if the Ministry is going to hire someone, they better hope they put the right person in charge.” 

“They will, they put you in charge before,” he said with a head bob.

I nodded and our food arrived. We began to eat, and it was some of the best tasting food I had had in some time. As we were halfway through, slowing down consumption, I began talking again, needing to fill the silence.

“So, Nora and Theseus, hmm?” 

“Yes, it’s quite…” 

“Unexpected?”

“A bit,” he agreed with a smile and laugh. “But it also seems to work, surprisingly.” 

“It really does. I know she’s had a thing for him for a long time. It’s good to see they finally got together.” 

“Mm, yes, I agree. She seems rather happy, so does he.”

“So how has he taken Leta’s death?” I inquired, hoping I wasn’t prying. 

“Hard, at first. He really shut down. I couldn’t get him to open up, to move on, to go back to work. It was Nora that did it.”

I nodded, smiling. “She has a way about her, doesn’t she? She could get a mountain to move out of her way if she were hiking.” 

He peered at me. “You can too, you know.” 

I smiled, slightly blushing, when a thought rushed into my head. “Newt…”

“Hmm?”

“May I ask you something, rather, personal?”

“I don’t see why not.” 

“Why… me? I mean, why me over Tina?”

Newt started at me, blinking. I knew this might not have been something he’s addressed on his own, but it was something I had wondered for quite some time. Ever since he told me at the Ministry that he didn’t move forward with Tina, it had burned in my mind and smoldered there. 

When he didn’t speak at first, I was a bit nervous, wondering if maybe he started to realize he had never asked himself that.

“Because you’re very… You never looked down on me, when many of your peers do. When we were at Hogwarts, you treated me better than most. You never seemed annoyed with me. You took to my creatures like they were your own children. You left a job that you thought might compromise your moral character, even if it meant giving up a great salary, notoriety, and everything you had worked for.” 

At this, I smiled warmly. 

“When you told me how you felt at Flamel’s, I didn’t have a time to process how I felt. I knew I loved you but… to learn you loved me too was a lot to take in. I talked with a friend, and I wanted to see if… well if we worked. Queenie once told me I needed a giver, not a taker. I think Leta was a taker.”

“And Tina?” I pressed, not helping myself. 

“She’s a giver but in a different way. Rosaline, you don’t do anything rash. Every decision is calculated, thought out. I very much admire that about you. You have more courage than anyone I’ve ever seen. But Tina… Well it hurt my feelings to know that she took one look at the newspaper and just assumed I was with Leta. Instead of writing me, she just abandoned our friendship, what we were building. And with you, I know you’d never do that.” 

“I did think it was rather silly to just leave what you two had based on a photograph,” I agreed lightly, trying not to be too hateful about Tina. 

“But most importantly, I chose you because of the way I feel when I’m with you. I feel… confident, proud, smart.” 

“You are all those things,” I encouraged with a small laugh.

“You’ve always been there for me. Even when I was chasing Tina, and I didn’t realize how you felt, you didn’t abandon me. I’m sure it was hard, being around me while I talked about her. I know it was hard while you were with… Well you know, and I wasn’t even around you. I can’t imagine working daily with someone you love who loves someone else. Tina couldn’t even stand it an ocean away and just went looking for someone else. But you held out.” He bit his lip in thought. “I think that’s why I also waited for you. You waited for me, with no guarantee you would ever… be with me. I felt I owed you that as well.”

“Newt, you don’t owe me anything. Love or not. You should follow your heart. Always do what’s best for you,”  I encouraged, reaching across and laying my hand on his. As much as it would kill me to see him choose Tina or anyone else for that matter, his happiness is all I ever want. 

“I am,” he assured with a dazzling smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[pineforphantompain]

Okay, so this is kind of going to be a rant about the latest episode of WCTH because I am already upset about it. Warning: this is quite negative. There are two major things that I dislike just from the preview, but I’ll just start with the stuff with Lucas. 

I want to preface by saying that this comes from a place of love. I love Lucas Bouchard, probably a little too much actually, and he and Elizabeth are great together. However, I am very disappointed with the particular choice to have him send Elizabeth’s writing to his mother without asking her because 1) I hate this sort of plot line all the time. I was worried that “Elizabeth feels betrayed by Lucas” would be something like this, because it’s just a specific thing that I really dislike and it doesn’t make sense. 2) It doesn’t make sense for the timeline/pacing of Elizabeth writing her novel… like she’s still working on the first draft right? Couldn’t we let her do some rewriting and editing before sending it to anyone, and especially before considering contacting publishers? The way writing is frequently portrayed is also particularly annoying to me, but whatever I can live with that. The biggest problem is 3) It doesn’t make sense because it is incredibly out of character. (This is way too long, so more under the cut about why this is not consistent with his character).

I have spent a concerning amount of time thinking about this man; I know who he is. Doing something like this usually requires being either impulsive and thoughtless, or disrespectful, assuming that one knows better than the other person, to make decisions for them that the other person ought to be a part of. I don’t know which reason I’m supposed to believe it is for a character who has consistently been so thoughtful, considerate, and respectful to Elizabeth. How am I supposed to believe he would ever do something like this without asking because he “thought [she]’d say no”?? That absolutely is more reason to ask, if you don’t want to risk hurting her and destroying the trust between you. This is a serious betrayal of trust, and she has a right to be angry. Elizabeth deserved to make the choice about who to share her writing with. The fact that she chose to share something so important with Lucas was incredibly special and meaningful, and it has now been ruined. It’s very hard to believe that he would do that. He cares about Elizabeth, about making her happy, and about what she thinks of him. In everything he has done for her, he has been careful and considerate, quick to worry and backtrack any time he may have overstepped or she isn’t completely thrilled. This is not something he would do. To think about this let’s consider some of the things he has done for her: donating the library, asking her to the reading, and reading her work.

Last season, Elizabeth wanted to set up a library for the town, and was looking for possible space to do so, although the prospect of the town agreeing to pay for it wasn’t looking great. Lucas, having an extra building laying around, decided to donate it to the town (side note: I do not personally believe this was entirely because he likes Elizabeth, only partially. He also sees the value of a library and wants to ingratiate himself with the community, not just impress Elizabeth specifically.) When he presents her with the space, he shows it to her as it is, a little run down, not perfectly set up for a dream library. Rather than doing everything for her, which would have been more impressive in the moment, but left her out of the process of creating something she had been working for that was important to her, he offers what she was asking for - the space if she wants it. This is very different from going behind her back to do something for her, that she’d probably want and appreciate at some point, maybe, but has not asked for. 

Next, I’d like to mention some of his behaviour when asking her to go to the reading, specifically how concerned he is about pushing her or making her uncomfortable. He’s noticeable nervous when he first asks, as well as when she comes to the saloon later to give him her answer. After he brings out the tickets, and she briefly seems a little taken aback, he’s so quick to be all like “sorry, I really sprung that on you” over something like this, that’s so minor. He is concerned about the way he asked her, and if it was too sudden (maybe he should have used one of the other versions he probably practiced ahead of time). Then, he gives her time to think about it, and when she approaches him later, since she didn’t give her answer immediately, he goes into “if you don’t want to go…”, she then cuts him off with her yes, but it is clear before then that he doesn’t want her to feel pressured to say yes or feel bad about turning him down, and he would feel sorry if he made her uncomfortable or displeased in any way. He’s worried about any little misstep. He gives her time to think, respects her decisions, does not pressure her to make this is a romantic thing, Yes, once they go, the dinner especially, has some distinctly romantic vibes, but notice how she encourages this line of conversation, while Lucas does not directly discuss the two of them as a couple, or pressure her to make any sort of decisions on that front. He’s very careful in the way he pursues her, and very aware of how she responds. It is obvious how important it is for her to be happy with him, and how worried he is about doing anything she wouldn’t like, so why would he do something that he thinks she wouldn’t agree to, spring it on her suddenly after the fact, and not even seem that apologetic initially?? 

And lastly, let us consider the earlier stuff related to her writing. This is probably why this makes no sense, since he already knows that she can be sensitive when it comes to sharing her writing. When he first offered, she was hesitant, but ultimately let him read her stories. Then, when he gave really positive feedback with a suggestion to be even better, she didn’t love that immediately. He even apologized for overstepping and trying to give advice when he isn’t the professional, but since Elizabeth had had some time to sit with and accept it, she wasn’t upset with him and appreciated the input, but did decide to turn to a new project instead, which she also chose to share with him. I have a hard time believing that he wouldn’t even consider how important her writing is to her, and how difficult it can be to let other people read and have opinions on, even when she agrees to let them. So why would he risk going so far as to have someone she did not give permission to read her work without even offering first?? It just doesn’t make any sense to me.

Obviously this is based on my own interpretation of the characters, coming from a perspective of loving Lucas, and disliking this particular action. I don’t think he would do something this far, without asking first, or even thinking about how she would feel after he sent it off (this would have taken awhile, so he had plenty of time to bring it up). From the beginning he has been and has continued to be considerate and careful in his interactions with Elizabeth, wanting to make her happy and wanting her to think highly of him. He’s quick to worry and start offering apologies when he’s possibly made any minor wrong move, or slightly upset her. I could absolutely believe him doing something to upset her, and make her question how much she can trust him, there are plenty of in character options for that. What I can’t believe is him intentionally doing something where that is an obviously possible outcome. If they chose something that made more sense, I would even like this sort of conflict between them. You could use the fact that he’s not an incredibly open person, he’s private, independent, and very concerned with the image he presents to her. I could absolutely believe him hiding something, or even directly lying to her, if it’s something he doesn’t think she needs to know, it’s really personal or hard to talk about, even just if it doesn’t make him look great. Elizabeth could feel betrayed by him not trusting her or keeping secrets from her. They didn’t even need to use something new, the issues with Henry and the oil business could have worked. Elizabeth trusts Henry and believes so wholeheartedly in the ability for people to change for the better, and that Henry Gowen has done so, that Lucas taking legal action could feel like accusing someone she believes in of still being the “old Henry”, not trusting her opinion, and not even turning to her (or anyone other than Bill) to try another way to resolve things. That could work and be reasonably in character for both of them (as long as Elizabeth wasn’t excessively upset). The point is that some sort of disagreement between them could easily make sense, and be in character, being a meaningful part of their relationship development. This is is just not it, unfortunately. But, hey, what did I expect. Of course they wouldn’t use a conflict that felt natural. Besides, they also need to hurry the writing and publishing process along because it attaches them too much and they can’t just let Elizabeth continue to quietly be working on writing, then revising her novel for too long, she needs to hurry up and become a published author and end up with Nathan. 

Edit: This was written based on the preview, and now having seen the episode, this all still applies, but I have a few things to add. While Elizabeth probably should have been upset for longer, I am glad that this was resolved with minimal time devoted to it (and there was a sincere apology). I’m still not sure why they couldn’t possibly think of some other way to progress the writing plot and deal with the idea of Elizabeth being hesitant about putting her writing out there to possibly face rejection. I did like how excited Lucas was for her though, even if I hate how we got there. I wouldn’t mind some minor, in character meaningful conflict between Elizabeth and Lucas at some point, but I am glad this wasn't supposed to be that, so I can just try to ignore that this ever happened. Also, I still mostly enjoyed watching the episode regardless. 

[flightfoot]

ML Fanfic Character Analysis - Alya Cesaire from MiniMinou’s “Lies We Tell (Ourselves)” Chapters 1-11 (SPOILERS)

Thanks to @mini-minou for writing Lies We Tell (Ourselves) and for giving me permission to write this analysis!

Before I get a bunch of anons complaining about me not putting this under a Read More, if I do that then if anything happens to my blog this post will be lost, and there’s really no other place for me to post it to ensure that it stays available. I’ve run into enough old posts where the user who wrote a response or a story was deactivated, so anything they put underneath a Read More is inaccessible.

-----

I really love Alya from this fic. She’s flawed and makes mistakes and is sometimes selfish, but she’s TRYING to be a good friend and a good person while balancing that against her own ambitions. Unfortunately her limited information causes her to frequently make decisions that just make things worse for her. It doesn’t help that she’s a bit starstruck by Ladybug and tends to think of her more as an idol or celebrity than as an actual person, especially like a girl her own age. I wouldn’t fault her TOO heavily on that though; that’s an easy mistake to make, even for adults, and Ladybug definitely SEEMS larger than life and even encourages others to think of her that way, since that way the citizens of Paris are likely to feel more secure.

In any case, I really wanted to break down Alya’s actual actions and perspective throughout chapters 1-11 (11 is the most recent chapter published in case anyone in the future is confused as to why I chose that as a stopping point for this analysis). Alya is the hero of her own story. And when her actions are viewed through the lens of what she knows and perceives and believes, they make a lot of sense and honestly? I can’t say that I’d be likely to do any better in her shoes. Which is part of what makes her so compelling. She’s trying to do good, but that doesn’t mean she’s perfect at it. People usually aren’t. But she’s TRYING. She just can get a little lost along the way sometimes.

To put things into chronological order:

Alya appears to have conducted her first interview with Lila back in Volpina, like in canon. Nothing too noteworthy here. She was gullible to do so on no evidence, but that’s about all I can say about it. 

Sometime after Lila returned to school, Alya conducted a second interview with Lila, since the first one was such a hit. Everyone wanted to know more about Ladybug, and if they can’t get Ladybug herself to show up and answer questions, her supposed “best friend” is a good substitute - at least as good as they were gonna get.

Lila seems to have agreed pretty readily (of course). Alya was delighted to get access to her again, but had some reservations about her own motives.

“Weeell,” Alya said, playfully elongating the vowel. “I’d love to hear more about tea. Off the record, of course. And I promise it won’t spill any further than me.”

Lila pursed her lips, an unreadable expression on her face, and Alya’s heart dropped straight to her stomach. Oh no. Had she probed too hard? She didn’t want to come off as some crazed fangirl, or make Lila feel like she was only trying to get close to her because of her connection to Ladybug.

But aren’t I?

Well, maybe a little. But Lila was a genuinely fascinating person in her own right, and they were sure to be fast friends anyway.

This opportunity was just the lucky cherry on top.

I really like Alya here. Yes she’s initially getting closer to her so quickly because of her connection with Ladybug, but honestly from what we’ve seen of how Alya makes friends and how quickly, I don’t think she’s wrong that she’d try to make friends with Lila regardless. I’m glad that it at least occurred to her that her “connections” may have played a factor in her wanting to be friends so quickly and eagerly, and that she seems to have acknowledged that, but also seemed to view it as more of a bonus than anything. 

Because as a bonus it’s fine. Just so long as it’s not the core or only reason.

And then there’s Lila’s big lie. Of course she lies all the time, but this is the one that’s gotten Alya desperate, that has cut Alya to her core. Because this lie involves Alya herself, though Lila doesn’t know it, and just so happens to have similar enough effects to what Alya’s observed (though the actual reasons are different) and uses details that Lila shouldn’t have known unless she was watching the battle on Heroes Day or talked to someone who was directly involved with it who wasn’t akumatized.

“Alright, you didn’t hear this from me, but – you know that new fox hero?”

Alya grew perfectly still. “Rena Rouge?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Do–“ She cleared her throat. “Do you know who she is?”

“You mean as a civilian? No. But let me tell you, behind the scenes…” Lila let out a trilling laugh. “She’s an absolute disaster. Got herself and half the team Akumatized on Hero’s Day. Ladybug’s seriously considering replacing her with someone else.” She shrugged. “After all, there are much more worthy candidates for wielding that particular Miraculous around.”

As Alya notes later on, Lila can’t have known this unless she talked to one of the Miraculous wielders involved or was watching from somewhere. Since Lila was supposedly out of the country (plus most everyone who wasn’t akumatized had fled or were in hiding), that means, as far as Alya knows, that Lila could ONLY have found this info out by talking to Rena Rouge, Carapace, Queen Bee, Chat Noir, or Ladybug.

Alya knows for a fact that she didn’t spill and that Nino didn’t either. I’m not sure how she ruled out Chloe from spilling, but she may have just figured that Chloe wouldn’t want to talk about that battle because of how poorly it went. Or she may have asked Chloe surreptitiously. It’s entirely possible, though, that she just took Lila’s words at face value. After all, no reason to do that investigation unless you suspect someone of lying, and while Marinette has accused Lila of lying, she hasn’t presented any hard evidence of her doing so. And this story of Lila’s, with her knowing something she logically shouldn’t unless her story was true? Is pretty compelling evidence that she’s not lying. Especially in respect to her connection with Ladybug.

Lila doesn’t know it, but her lie is PERFECT. For her at least. From Alya’s reaction, it seems like she’d probably been feeling insecure about her performance on Heroes Day since it happened, so she could easily believe Lila’s words - especially since it matched up nicely with how Ladybug had been avoiding her.

“Really?” Alya asked, somehow choking out a breathless laugh. “That bad?”

“Quite.” Lila tilted her head, a slightly puzzled frown on her face. “But as I said, completely off the record, please. Ladybug hasn’t yet decided what to do about her, and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for rumors of discord on the team. Hawkmoth might take advantage!”

“Well.” Alya’s mouth was impossibly dry, yet she forced herself to smile cheerfully. “Any chance you might put in a good word for her getting another chance? Call me sentimental, but I kind of have a soft spot for her.”

“Oh. You’re a fan, huh?” Lila’s lips split into a wide Cheshire smile, her tone indulgent. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Lila noticed Alya’s reaction, but didn’t exactly know WHY she was reacting so strongly. In any case, she was able to offer Alya a way out of a sort. The possibility that she could get Rena Rouge reinstated. Of course, she doesn’t know WHY such a thing is so important to Alya - I’m pretty sure she just thinks that Alya is a HUGE fan of her - but it’s enough that it IS. It’s something she can dangle in front of Alya if need be. Mostly as a passive thing in the background I’d imagine, but if Alya started pushing back against her, she could bring it out actively as a hostage. She doesn’t appear to have had occasion to do that as of Chapter 11; but then again, Alya still fully believes her and hasn’t made any moves against her as of yet.

Which brings us to Chapter 1 (since I’m guessing that the interview takes place before the start of the fic). Chameleon happened a week ago, and Marinette’s trying to follow Adrien’s advice, but it’s still VERY clear that she doesn’t like nor trust Lila. Has been for awhile, judging by the videoconference call with Lila in Heroes Day.

And Alya still doesn’t know WHY. Why Marinette cares so much, especially since there doesn’t seem to be sufficient evidence to say that she’s actually straight-up lying. Lila always has a reasonable explanation for everything. Plus Marinette’s disliked Lila vehemently since the first day. So naturally she leaps to jealousy, since Lila DOES tend to try to hang out with Adrien, and that’s the only thing Alya could think of her that could cause such a severe ongoing reaction from Marinette. Heck, even CHLOE doesn’t earn this level of animosity. But there’s not much chance of Adrien returning Chloe’s affections. Lila, though... she’s (as far as Alya’s aware) someone awesome and trustworthy enough that Ladybug, the most amazing person in existence and Alya’s personal hero, trusts with personal information and is close friends with.

Ladybug doesn’t MAKE mistakes. Not for long at any rate. Ladybug’s actions can seem questionable sometimes, but if you trust that she has a plan and it all will make sense in the end, it always does. She only majorly messed up ONCE, on her first day, and she rectified that quickly. Generally speaking, it’s safest to just assume that Ladybug’s always right, and if she’s doing something that seems odd, that just means that she has a weird convoluted plan and is seeing something you’re not.

Ladybug becoming friends with a secretly horrible person, thinking that she’s trustworthy enough to share secrets with that she won’t share with anyone else? Unthinkable.

But Alya knows that Marinette CAN make mistakes. She did with Adrien on the first day he was at school, and with her impression of Kagami later on. And Marinette’s judgement with Adrien can go right out the window. It’s far more believable that Marinette could make a mistake in judgement - even an ongoing one - and stay hostile than it is for Ladybug to do the same.

Everything hinges on Alya’s (well-founded, though wrong) belief that Ladybug trusts Lila and so Lila is trustworthy by proxy. It turns it from a conflict of “Marinette Vs. Lila” to “Marinette Vs. Lila & Ladybug”. That makes a HUGE difference.

Anyway, Marinette seems to have been attempting to follow Adrien’s advice from Chameleon and just let it go. Just ignore Lila. Which was probably a relief to Alya, though the tension would still be apparent. Alya appears to have taken on a trend of still sitting with Marinette, but attempting to eavesdrop on Lila. Like she WANTED to be with Lila because she was really cool and also might give her some great new info, but she didn’t want to abandon Marinette, especially since she ALREADY seemed to be afraid of losing someone she cared about (Adrien) to Lila. So she stayed sitting with Marinette, but didn’t always give her her full attention.

Having to listen to Lila’s lies is nauseating enough, but what truly spoiled Marinette’s appetite today was the way Alya kept leaning over to the other table to better hear about the exploits of Lila’s BFF Ladybug.

There’s only so many absent-minded hums a girl a can take. Okay, yeah, she gets it – what Marinette had to say wasn’t that interesting, just dumb small-talk about Clara Nightingale’s new album, but–

She’s just so sick of Alya not listening to her.

It’s the best compromise ALya can muster, being pulled between her ambition, Lila, and Ladybug on one end, and her best and closest friend on the other. She still ultimately chooses Marinette, but tries to stay close to Lila as well. She wants BOTH of them.

Unfortunately that DOES mean that Marinette gets slightly shafted. Only slightly though.

Then Marinette blurts out her love confession to Adrien, he rejects her, and Alya shifts into Best-Friend-Of-She-Who-Has-Been-Scorned Protective/Comforting Mode.

She death-glares Adrien for hurting her best friend, even though technically he did nothing wrong. But her best friend is still devastated by his actions nonetheless and she DOES want to protect Marinette as best she can. She doesn’t know that Lila is a genuine threat to Marinette’s happiness and wellbeing. But Adrien? Adrien DEMONSTRABLY just hurt Marinette, even though he did the best he could at the time. Marinette’s too vulnerable to protect herself emotionally from Adrien’s clumsy attempts to reconcile and make things right, so it falls to Alya to try to protect her bestie.

Marinette’s still distraught and tense the next day. Luckily, Alya’s there to help as best she can. She can’t make everything better, but she can still be there for Marinette. And she is.

“It’s going to be okay.” Alya reaches to rub her back, and it feels nice, but it brings Marinette no closer to being okay, because she’s not ever going to be okay again. 

Then Lila appears and everything goes sideways. 

She appears perfectly saccharine and sweet, offering condolences and sounding bad for Marinette. From Alya’s perspective, it seems like Lila is reaching out to a girl who has scorned and abhorred her for no good reason, commiserating with her even though she has every reason not to care about the pain Marinette’s going through.

Lila even offers a solution to Marinette’s obvious discomfort with sitting behind Adrien, where she has to stare at the back of his head constantly. What was once a bonus is now torture to her. So she offers to change seats so that Marinette can distance herself from him. Something that seems like a generous, well-meaning offer.

Marinette lashes out.

Lila’s gaze slithers to Adrien’s empty seat and back to Marinette, the reassuring smile she’s wearing growing a little wider. “You must be so uncomfortable with him right in front of you. I’ve been thinking…”

She reaches out, fingertips ghosting over Marinette’s shoulder in some horrid mockery of comfort.

“Would you like to switch seats agai–?”

“Don’t touch me!”

Marinette slaps Lila’s hand away from her shoulder, yet the crawling under her skin still lingers. Lila stumbles back, clutching her bandaged wrist to her chest. The classroom falls silent, a dozen pair of eyes glued to the confrontation and holding their breath.

Lila’s eyes fill with tears, her lower lip trembling.

“I…” she chokes out. “I was only trying to help.”

Marinette actually hits Lila, if only lightly. Lila already faking having an injury doesn’t help matters. 

Marinette’s the only one who knows that Lila isn’t genuine here. That it’s all an act and that secretly she’s reveling in Marinette’s misery. Marinette and Lila are the only ones who know that Marinette’s response here was justified. From the information everyone ELSE has? It wouldn’t be.

Honestly, Alya’s response here, her actions, are actually really good and pretty much exactly what I’d want her to do... IF the actual situation was what she THINKS it is. Unfortunately, she can only work with the information she actually has.

“Marinette.”

Alya’s reproach cracks like a whip, and something within Marinette just snaps. Whirling around, she snarls at her best friend. “Fine! You want me in the last row that bad, I’ll go to the last row!”

Lila is slumped in Marinette’s seat, crying prettily into her hands, while people crowd around her in comfort. 

A loud thump rings out, and Marinette startles, whipping her head around. Alya is slumped in the seat next to her, noisily unpacking her bag.

“What are you doing?” Marinette asks, torn between incredulous and hopeful.

Alya arches an eyebrow as she pulls out her notebook and lays it down in jerky, agitated movements, even as her voice is as smooth as silk. “Moving seats?”

Alya reproaches Marinette because with what Alya knows of the situation, Marinette IS in the wrong. But she still sides with Marinette over Lila, even though Marinette just “hurt” Lila, slightly physically and heavily emotionally, lashing out when it appeared to her that Lila was trying to mend whatever caused Marinette to dislike Lila so heavily. She calls her out slightly, but honestly? Sometimes being a good friend means calling out your friend when they did something wrong.

Alya DOES cut her some slack at least, because Marinette’s CLEARLY still not okay from Adrien’s rejection. Still not in the mood to hear Marinette blame Lila though when from what Alya can see, it’s pretty clear that LILA’S the victim here.

“Lila did that on purpose,” Marinette finally blurts out, and Alya sighs heavily.

“Girl, let’s not.”

“No, she was–“

Alya holds up her palm to interrupt her, and Marinette trails off at the look in her eyes. It’s not accusing, as she’d expected it to be, but rather soft and a little sad.

“I don’t want to fight, Marinette. That was… not cool, but I know you’re in a bad headspace right now, and I don’t want to add to it.”

Alya doesn’t reprimand her beyond that. She’s not gonna let Marinette rag on her new friend and “twist” (again, as far as Alya knows) Lila into being the bad guy, but she’ll still stay with Marinette in solidarity and share snacks she brought especially for Marinette to help her.

The vindictive words sit on the tip of her tongue, and Marinette swallows them with great difficulty. “Thanks,” she says instead, turning her face to stare at the floor because she can’t quite bring herself to smile at her best friend. “For being here.”

Because Alya is here, and is trying to be kind. That has to count for something, doesn’t it?

“No place I’d rather be.” Briefly, her shoulder presses against Marinette’s, and then Alya is fiddling with her bag again, pulling out a chocolate bar and sliding it over. When Marinette shoots her a confused look, Alya grins. “Emergency heartbreak rations. I came prepared.”

And that thoughtfulness does coax a small smile to Marinette’s lips.

Alya helps as much as she can, even offering to talk to Ms. Bustier about rearranging the seating so she and Marinette can sit in the back, something that Marinette was hostile to a moment before - but from Alya, Marinette accepts the suggestion.

Alya’s still fending Adrien off the next day. She’s also just really worried about Marinette, and is trying to protect her as best she can.

Marinette trails behind, pointedly not looking at Adrien. Alya had told him she was going to meet her at the bakery and walk to school together, to keep Akuma-watch. Nino doubts it will do much good and they can’t watch Marinette every second of the day – especially when she decides to just ditch class, like yesterday – but feeling useful keeps Alya from going crazy – crazier – with worry.

She’s extremely worried about Marinette’s well-being and is even kinda mother-henning here, attempting to keep akuma-watch. Alya may not have been happy with what Marinette did yesterday, but she’s still Marinette’s best friend and she wants her to be safe.

Unfortunately, Lila decides to launch a grenade into that. Because Lila.

“Hey, Lila.” Alya greets her with an answering smile, coming to a halt to chat.

“I’m throwing a party this Saturday, you in?”

“Oh, um.” Alya’s gaze darts to Marinette who is very much not stopping to chat. “I… might… already have plans…?”

“Please?” Lila steps closer, pleading. “I want to get to know you all better. Unless…” As Marinette walks past, Lila’s shoulders slump and she sighs. “No, you’re right. It was probably too much to expect you to be friends with both of us.”

“Girl, we are friends!” Alya reassures her, and as Nino watches Marinette silently slink to the last row, somewhere in the back of his mind alarm bells start ringing.

Lila appears to just be the new girl here. Someone whom Marinette has taken a disliking to for very little reason. She’s very understanding and kind, even though Alya is friends with the girl who’s extremely hostile to her for reasons she can’t fathom, who stomps on every olive branch offered her for some unknown transgression.

Alya doesn’t want to shun Lila just because Marinette is. That’s reminscient of a mean girl squad, the members hating particularly people because the leader has taken offense to something about them and expects their followers to follow suit. 

And following off the premise that Lila’s lies ARE convincing, with any inconsistencies or contradictions easily being explained away by Lila? Alya hasn’t been given much of a reason for why Marinette hates Lila so much.

Nino’s beginning to have some reservations about Lila though. She basically strong-armed him into DJing, and he’s seen how Marinette reacts to Lila. While Alya has also seen how Marinette acts and reacts to Lila, she’s missing some vital knowledge; how Marinette looks and behaves when she’s being bullied without recourse. He knows that Marinette’s behavior around Lila now is similar to Marinette’s behavior around Chloe before the start of this school year, when she didn’t know how to push back against her bully.

Alya only arrived at the beginning of the school year. She only saw Marinette being forced to put up with Chloe’s crap for a day before she started showing her feistier side - thanks in part to Alya’s influence. What’s obvious to the audience and to Nino isn’t so obvious to her, since she’s missing that context.

Nino’ chastises Alya over text for agreeing to go to Lila’s party. Alya just didn’t see a way out of the party without hurting Lila’s feelings. When Nino points out that now MARINETTE’S feelings are hurt, since she’s not invited - the ONLY person in class who’s not invited in fact - Alya’s clearly hurt and frustrated.

                                                      You can’t blame Lila for not inviting someone who’s been nothing but mean to her

im not blaming

i’m saying this sucks

                                                       I know!!!

                                                       Don’t you think I know that? :/

                                                       God I wish they’d just work out their stupid drama

                                                       Shit I think Mme Bustier just saw me gonna put my phone away rq

                                                       Alright I apologized to Marinette

                                                      She told me she’s okay with it

Alya’s being stretched thin. She WANTS to stick with Marinette, to believe in and protect her best friend, but all the evidence that she can see and interpret points to Marinette being mean to Lila for no good reason. Which isn’t LIKE her, but Alya doesn’t see a lot of other options. She just wants this over with and for Marinette and Lila to reconcile from whatever caused this animosity so that things can be OK. Because this whole situation is unpleasant for everyone involved... except Lila, but Alya doesn’t know that.

The next day rolls around and Alya comes get Marinette - probably still on Akuma Watch. Plus Alya has a conversation she needs to have with Marinette... which would honestly negate the value of having a friend walk her to school watching for akumas. Though Alya doesn’t know just how BADLY this conversation is gonna go.

“Nuh-uh. I’m not leaving without you, so my fate is in your hands, Marinette.”

Isn’t it always?

This is kinda a funny thing actually. Here Marinette’s probably thinking about how EVERYONE’S fate is in her hands because she’s Ladybug, but narratively it’s BIGGER than that. Marinette has the most information in this whole situation besides MAYBE Lila, and by FAR the most ability to affect things. She has the knowledge and the ability to act on that knowledge to tip the balance and achieve better outcomes. She knows what Alya thinks of Ladybug and that Alya believes that Lila is Ladybug’s BFF. The only information she’s lacking is that Alya actually has good reason to BELIEVE Lila about that.

Problem is she doesn’t have the perspective to really reason through Alya’s decisions and to see what she sees. Especially since it would require her to imagine Lila as a good, kind person whom she herself is unfairly hostile towards. She KNOWS what the real situation is, but seeing the situation from Alya’s point of view requires her to put herself through such mental contortions that she just... can’t. Especially since she’s super stressed right now anyway.

Which means that when Alya talks about the “truce” she’s negotiated with Lila, Marinette has NO patience for thinking through how all of this plays out in Alya’s eyes. Especially this early in the morning.

Satisfied, Alya smiles, and continues. “So, I really thought it wasn’t fair to you to not be there when the entire class gets the chance to go. I understand that you two don’t like each other and want as little interaction as possible. And that’s fair. But for stuff like this, which are essentially group events, Lila has agreed to never exclude or antagonize you – if you extend her the same courtesy.”

Her tired brain needs a moment to process this, and when it does, the cereal in her stomach starts a rebellion, demanding the way up her throat.

And then, just as suddenly, the revolutionary fervor dissipates.

“So,” Marinette says, every word clipped and carefully enunciated. “You want me to let Lila tag along to every event that I organize.”

Alya shakes her head. “I mean, obviously not when it’s just you and me, but for something like this party, or girl’s night out, just stuff that’s big enough where purposeful exclusion gets hurtful…” She trails off, pressing her lips together in disapproval at whatever must be written on Marinette’s face. “Come on. It’s a fair offer.”

“I suppose it is.”

As silence elongates, Alya decides to prod her. “And…?”

“And I’m not interested,” Marinette says.

Honestly, what Alya’s worked out IS very fair for what she believes - and honestly has decent REASON to believe - the situation is. She can’t stop the animosity between Marinette and Lila, not when she can’t identify a cause that makes sense, but maybe she can stop it from getting worse. If Lila was the type of person that Alya believes she is based on what she’s seen of her behavior and what she believes about her connection to Ladybug, then this would be the kind of compromise that would probably work. Because both of them would be kind and decent people at their core who really SHOULD by all rights get along great, but there’s some unknown thing that’s causing them to fight.

Unfortunately that’s NOT the true situation.

Marinette can see Alya’s thought process here. She can see it from Alya’s perspective. But at this point she’s just so done with compromising and putting her own needs and wants on the back burner that she just... doesn’t care.

Exhaling in frustration, Alya squeezes her eyes shut, likely fighting to keep her composure. Marinette can almost see her thought process. The kid gloves need to stay on. Can’t be mean to the recently-rejected potential Akuma-victim with an irrational hatred for poor, innocent Lila.

Marinette watches the struggle with a strangely detached sort of interest. She knows she should be feeling something. Might have exploded if this conversation had happened yesterday.

Marinette has enough information about what Alya’s like and what she knows to see her viewpoint. She just can’t empathize with her right now. Because she’s just SO frustrated with Alya and everyone and SO done. She doesn’t have enough bandwidth to put herself in Alya’s shoes and try to manipulate the situation to one that’s better for everyone.

Whatever it is, looking at her best friend inspires none of the highs and lows it usually does. No warm glow of joy at having her around, and no agonizing splinter burrowing its way into her heart either. Only one thought is left.

You’re not fighting for me.

So what’s the point of fighting for you?

While Alya IS fighting for Marinette, it’s not to the extent or in the way that Marinette wants. Because to Alya, she’s trying to mediate between two good forces that inexplicably detest each other. Or... no. Maybe more accurately, two good forces where one of them inexplicably hates the other and the other wonders what they did to piss the other off. But while Marinette SEES that Alya thinks that’s the real situation, she doesn’t have the bandwidth to internalize that knowledge.

Based on what Alya knows, she’s actually handling the situation about as well as I could hope a fourteen-year-old to navigate it. But there’s a lot she DOESN’T know and that’s biting her right now.

Because for Marinette, even though intellectually she knows how Alya views the situation, emotionally she’s seeing the situation as it ACTUALLY is, with Alya asking her to invite this horrible person who wants nothing more than to make her suffer to her own events, in exchange for being able to go to Lila’s. And for that situation, Alya ISN’T fighting enough or in the right way.

Alya actually lays out her perspective pretty clearly, in case there was any doubt.

“God, Marinette, this isn’t like you. Why are you doing this?” Alya’s eyes are growing shiny, voice rising. “Are you really asking me to ostracize some girl who’s done nothing wrong just because you don’t like her? Is this the type of mean girl shit we’re at now? Do you want me to go up to Lila and tell her I’m not going to her stupid party after all? You know I changed schools to get away from bullshit like that!”

This really makes me wonder what kind of circumstances Alya went through in the past. Honestly she’s actually navigating this whole conflict surprisingly well so far I think, based on what she knows and believes about the situation. From this, I’m wondering whether Marinette was Alya’s first friend that she’d count as a close friend, one who she doesn’t just enjoy spending time around, but who she values closely, who isn’t just a fair weather friend and who will BE there for Alya, and who Alya will be there for in turn.

Because even though it doesn’t seem like it to Marinette right now, Alya IS being there for her as best she can. Being a good friend doesn’t just mean going along with anything your friend says, does, or thinks. That’s Sabrina’s “friendship” with Chloe. It also means trying to help when your friend is struggling. Trying to give help and support when you can, while also keeping them from causing harm while they’re lashing out. It can mean standing up to your friends. And from what Alya knows of the situation? This IS the kind of situation where you’d offer support and try to compromise, but ultimately put your foot down if they were causing harm to anyone else.

Really the only thing I might fault Alya for here is her assumption that Marinette’s acting this way because she’s jealous. But honestly? I think that’s just Alya’s desperate way of trying to understand, to reconcile the girl she knows with what she’s seen of Marinette the past few weeks. Because the alternative is that either Marinette’s changed from the girl Alya used to know, or that she’s always been like this and wasn’t as nice and friendly and just overall good as Alya thought. Which is why Alya says that this isn’t like Marinette and asks why she’s doing this. She doesn’t want it to be one of those two reasons, but now she’s beginning to think that it might be. At least if it was jealousy all of this would make SENSE to Alya.

“Because the one and only demand I do have is that you believe me when I say Lila is a bad person.” As she speaks, certainty hardens within. Yes. This is what she wants, and she will accept nothing less. “That’s not something I can compromise on.”

This is a LOT to ask without good reason. Marinette has that reason. Alya doesn’t.

“Where is y–“

“Fuck the evidence.”

Alya rears back, eyes wide.

A tiny nudge, that’s all it would take. Lila has built a house of cards just waiting to collapse. One transformation into Ladybug and a casual interview with a certain blogger would undo her.

Marinette holds the key to ending all this. All this pain, all this frustration, gone, just like that. Vindicated at last. And she could do it tonight, never mind what Adrien told her.

But that won’t really make things turn back to normal, will it?

Because it’s not about the evidence. It never was.

“I’m asking that you trust me, Alya.”

And when the girl meant to be her best friend hesitates, that’s all the answer Marinette needs. She turns to walk to school, and ignores Alya’s pleas for peace.

From Marinette’s perspective, this makes sense and is right. And objectively, the reader has enough information to know that she IS right.

But from a different perspective?

MARINETTE is the one lashing out at Lila for seemingly no good reason.

MARINETTE is the one accusing Lila of lying without sufficient evidence.

MARINETTE is the one asking Alya to believe that Lila is a horrible person without having a damn good reason to believe it.

If this was the other way around - if Lila had been around since the beginning of the school year, and Marinette had transferred in, and their personalities and moral alignments were the same - would it really have reflected well on Alya if she had sided with Lila the same way she’s siding with Marinette generally and trying to fix things? Would it have reflected well if Lila asked her to just TRUST her that Marinette is a bad person with no evidence to back it up, and Alya had believed her and started shunning Marinette for that reason?

The reader and Marinette know that Lila’s evil. But Alya DOESN’T. And Marinette simply SAYING that she’s evil isn’t sufficient reason for Alya to believe it.

They spend the first half of the school day in silence, Marinette giving her bench partner the cold shoulder. Alya alternates between trying to get Marinette’s attention, growing frustrated and mirroring the silent treatment, only to try again. The cycle repeats.

Eventually, as lunch break comes to a close, she slides more chocolate Marinette’s way.

It’s a Swiss brand.

And Marinette laughs. Laughs and laughs, until Alya’s hopeful expression turns into one of concern, clearly wondering whether she should be calling for the school nurse.

When she recovers from her laughing fit, Marinette collects her prize, because why not, and smiles like a shark. “Thanks, Switzerland.”

Thinking she’s in on the joke, Alya’s shoulders sag in relief, and she laughs politely to break the tension.

Alya still doesn’t want to lose Marinette as a friend. And honestly? Here I’m kinda impressed that ALYA wasn’t the one giving Marinette the silent treatment. Because from what she knows of the situation, Marinette’s in the wrong. But she REALLY doesn’t want to lose Marinette.

And even after that fight, Alya wants to be with Marinette and comfort her and hang out with her, to offer her emotional support and be her friend, even though she doesn’t understand what’s going on with Marinette.

The bell rings and the class immediately starts chattering about tomorrow’s party – where to meet, what to wear and who to share a ride with. Marinette barely takes notice, lost in her daydream. She only starts paying attention when she nearly trips down the stairs, only saved by Alya’s quick reflexes.

They stare at each other for a long moment, Alya’s hand still on her shoulder, and then Marinette is suddenly being crushed in a hug.

“Want to hang out on Sunday?” Alya murmurs near her ear.

“Family plans,” Marinette lies, and then lies some more by wrapping her arms around Alya in return.

Kind of a side note, but I love Alya catching her when she falls and offering Marinette emotional comfort with a hug. Alya IS supporting Marinette, even if Marinette’s not really in the headspace to recognize it right now.

Alya’s text messages with Nino give more insight into her thought process as she tries to navigate the situation she finds herself in. She doesn’t want to skip the party and lose Lila as a friend, but she doesn’t want to go and hurt Marinette further either.

She’s still trying to figure out WHY Marinette hates Lila so much. Because from what she knows of Marinette and Lila, it doesn’t make much sense. At this point, she thinks that it has to do with Marinette getting a bad early impression of Lila and it sticking, because that’s something she can at least sorta see causing this that doesn’t completely go against what she knows of Marinette or Lila.

Nino floats that Marinette might have a reason, but simply saying that doesn’t really give much insight into what that reason IS nor whether it actually IS a good reason. Jealousy is the best reason Alya can come up with, so she goes with that. Because that’s the only thing that might cause Marinette to lose her head for seemingly little reason, from what Alya can see.

Nino brings up that since Adrienette has thoroughly sunk, that that’s probably not the reason anymore. But Alya has a counterargument.

                                                First: lasting impression

                                               Second: if Adrien got together with Lila NOW, that would be like THE ultimate blow to her self esteem

Honestly, those are somewhat reasonable. And it’s not like Alya has a better explanation. Even if Alya DID know that Lila was a liar, it still wouldn’t explain Marinette’s sheer level of animosity towards Lila. She doesn’t know that Lila is actively targeting Marinette, nor that one of Lila’s most pervasive lies revolves AROUND Marinette. Heck, LILA doesn’t even know the second one.

Right now Alya’s trying to thread a needle. She texts Lila later to tell her she’s skipping the party, she’s sorry but she really doesn’t want Marinette to be akumatized, and tries to reassure Lila that Marinette really is a very nice person.

                                                      About tomorrow, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. Please, please don’t take this personally, I’m just super worried about Marinette getting akumatized! This thing with Adrien hit her hard

                                                     It’s just going to be this one time

Okay :(

I mean I get where you’re coming from

But I have to be honest, it feels really shitty of Marinette to be throwing around ultimatums like this

                                                    I promise she’s not usually like this

THIS is how Alya’s trying to stand up for Marinette. By trying to protect her feelings even when she thinks she’s wrong, and trying to put out fires from the bridges she thinks Marinette’s burning with Lila. Just because she’s not standing up for Marinette in the way that Marinette WANTS her to, doesn’t mean she’s not doing it. If the situation was the way that Alya perceives it to be, this would be the kind of “fighting for” that Marinette would NEED, even if it’s not the response she’d WANT.

Luckily by the time Monday rolled around Alya turned out to be fine with missing the party, since it meant she was there to see Ladybug and Chat Noir play tag all over the city.

Alya’s still being super careful and considerate with Marinette, trying her best not to exacerbate any of her stress points, so long as doing so doesn’t hurt anyone else. For instance, she tries not to talk about LadyNoir too much because she’s fears that talking about romance might bring up her heartbreak again. Something which Marinette recognizes.

Marinette frowns, suspicious of her stubborn friend’s sudden acquiescence. Alya can wax lyrical about the beauty of the SS LadyNoir for hours, and no amount of naysaying on Marinette’s part has ever cut it short. Why–

Oh.

No discussing romance with the heartbroken girl.

Even later - and I don’t know whether this is later that same day or a few days later, not that it matters much - Alya’s still in “pamper her bestie to help her through heartbreak” mode.

“…ave time for movie night?” Alya asks, the cheer in her voice just a tad too forced. “Just you, me, some snacks, and a whole lot of self-care.”

Marinette hesitates, but then there’s a smile in her words. “Yes. That sounds really nice actually.”

She also subtly fends off Adrien, since she KNOWS that Marinette isn’t ready to face him yet.

“What kind of movie did you have in mind?” Marinette asks.

“Your choice, girl.” And then, as if sensing his scrutiny, Alya’s narrowed eyes fixate on Adrien. “But I was thinking something without any dumb boys in it.”

Sadly Alya’s STILL desperately trying to reconcile Lila and Marinette, something which just plain won’t work and she can’t understand WHY. Based on the information she has about both of them they SHOULD be able to get along just fine. So she texts Lila and tries to get her to “allow” Marinette to come to her girl’s night, even though Marinette won’t reciprocate.

                                                  So I hate to bring this topic up again

                                                  But can we invite Marinette too?

                                                  Now I know what you’re thinking but she’s in a much better headspace now! I won’t deny that she’s been super rude to you but I swear if you two could just get to know each other I’m certain she’ll change her mind about you. And Marinette’s not the type of person who shies away from taking responsibility for bad behavior, she’ll apologize for sure.

                                                 Not that you’re obligated to forgive her

Alya IS fighting for Marinette. She’s fighting for her not to lose out on potential friendships, and to not become the kind of person who her classmates will shun because she’s being mean to Lila for seemingly no reason.

This whole feud makes no sense to Alya, but she’s trying HARD to fix things anyway, to include Marinette as much as she can and to keep her from being left out, even though she thinks Marinette is wrong about Lila. Even though she has REASON to believe that Marinette is wrong about Lila.

Honestly writing this whole thing makes me wonder what Marinette would do if she and Alya had swapped places, had swapped what they did and didn’t know. I’m guessing Alya at least would’ve been a lot more aggressive than Marinette’s been, though I dunno what Marinette would do under such circumstances.

Alya texts Marinette and tells her that Lila extended an invitation without any strings attached, but Marinette still shot her down, saying she wanted nothing to do with her. Alya doesn’t push her too hard on that at least, instead noting that she’s been withdrawn lately, and letting her know that people miss her when she’s missing. Letting her know that people CARE about her and notice when she’s not there or isn’t herself, and then reminding her to engage in self-care and not to work too hard.

I will maintain that based on what she knows and believes of the situation, Alya is actually being a pretty awesome friend to Marinette. She can only operate on the information she has though.

Marinette tells Alya that she’d like her to stop trying to get her to hang out with Lila, and Alya appears to accept that.

                                                      alya

                                                      i know you reaching out is coming from a well-meaning place

                                                      and i do appreciate that

                                                      but i’d appreciate it more if you stopped trying to get me to hang out with lila

I get that

It’s just

It looks like Lila is going to make girl’s night a regular thing

I don’t want you to be left out, Marinette

Marinette at least KNOWS what Alya’s trying to accomplish. She knows both the situation and the people involved well enough to put that together. But she has no bandwidth to do more than realize where Alya’s coming from. She has a way of changing things, of giving Alya the information she needs to figure out how to proceed better, but sh doesn’t WANT to just hand Alya all the information about how much of a liar and a terrible person Lila is. She wants Alya to just trust her implicitly, evidence or no evidence. A point of view that makes sense with what Marinette has gone through, but not a terribly realistic one.

Huh. Actually I wonder whether part of that may come from Marinette being Ladybug? Because the whole city trusts her unquestioningly, and Chat in particular will go along with anything she says to do, no matter whether what she says makes sense or not or even whether it goes against what they try to do, like giving up and handing over their Miraculouses. And while intellectually she may know that as Marinette, there’s not much more reason for people to have that level of unquestioning trust in her as a civilian than they do in any other ordinary person, emotionally it still would hurt since she’s the same person either way, even though she’s the only one who knows that.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand: Alya.

Lila tries to manipulate Nino into DJing the party for free again, but he sees through her tactics, especially when she becomes more manipulative about it. Unfortunately Alya isn’t there to see exactly how Lila ‘asks’ him to do so, to see how clearly she’s being manipulative.

This incident gives Nino some of the evidence of Lila being a bad person that Alya sorely needs and is lacking in. Nino has directly seen and experienced how clearly manipulative Lila is. But Alya still hasn’t yet.

Nino wants to try to persuade Alya that Lila isn’t what she seems. Unfortunately, he’s not as good at clearly laying out and arguing his reasoning as Alya is without having lots of time to come up with stuff in advance, and Alya’s extremely curious by nature and wants to know what Nino needs to talk to her about. So she ends up pressing him into conversation before he’s ready, though she does at least TRY to restrain herself at first.

Unfortunately Alya’s frustrated and isn’t exactly in the mood to listen to more anti-Lila talk without some very good reasoning and evidence to back it up. She’s been through a lot of that with Marinette lately, who she’s kinda had to walk on eggshells around. She wasn’t expecting it from Nino too.

And while she’s willing to walk on eggshells around Marinette, especially with how much she’s still hurting from Adrien’s rejection, she doesn’t have the patience to do so around Nino, who has served as a third-party to this conflict that Alya’s found herself in the middle of, someone she could vent to and discuss this openly with. Him so thoroughly taking sides changes that, eliminating her main support.

So she lashes out in her frustration.

“It’s different with Lila,” he says. “Marinette hates her, Alya. And I’m starting to see why.”

“Oh, right. Because of the,” Alya raises her hands and curls her fingers into air quotes, “bad vibes.”

Golden eyes narrow, and Nino’s voice grows colder than Alya has ever heard it before. “I told you I wasn’t ready to have this conversation. Don’t mock me for not being at my most eloquent when you’re the one choosing to put me on the spot.”

“I’m not mocking y–“

“Yes. You are. And you always do this–”

“No, I don’t!”

“–but just because I’m not as good at debate as you are, that doesn’t mean I’m an idiot!”

Alya flinches and silence falls as he looks as taken aback by his outburst as she feels.

This has clearly been building for awhile. And Alya can see the truth in Nino’s words here. She’s not MEANING to hurt him. But she’s doing it accidentally.

This kind of thing has been happening a lot with Alya lately. She’s hurting the people she cares about by accident and she doesn’t know how to fix it. Though she at least TRIES to here, calming down and attempting to listen more openly and not to cut him off prematurely.

“Okay,” she says soothingly, and reaches to take his hand. It lies limp and unresponsive in her grasp, even when she squeezes. “I’m listening.”

He gazes at her for a long moment, then makes another frustrated noise. “Look. I understand why you don’t want to have to choose, but Marinette is really hurting over this. Don’t you realize this could drive a real wedge between you two?”

“Of course I realize that!” Recognizing that she just raised her voice, she tempers it to be more gentle. “Why do you think I’m trying so hard to fix it?”

“And how’s that working out?”

Alya is trying and trying and TRYING, but nothing she’s doing is helping and she doesn’t know what to do. And just telling her that Marinette’s hurting and it might drive a wedge between them doesn’t help. Alya KNOWS this. She doesn’t need it reiterated. She needs more information, because right now she’s just being told to choose based on nothing but her friends’ words, and not even about anything specific.

Notably, Lila has NOT tried to force such a choice on Alya... yet. And honestly? If Alya was describing this situation to an outsider, even trying to be as fair as possible about it, it would very much sound like Lila was in the right and like Marinette and Nino were being bad friends for trying to force her to make this choice simply based on them not liking Lila for unspecified reasons without evidence, while Lila’s actually willing to reach out.

I had to deal with a few manipulative friends growing up, the type who tried to use the whole “if you don’t do X I won’t be your friend anymore” tactic. This sort of reminds me of that, at least from what Alya is experiencing. Her friends are trying to make her choose them and throw Lila under a bus and at least implying that they might cut off their friendship with her if she doesn’t. And the reason right now basically boils down to “because I’ll be upset if you don’t”.

Granted, that’s partly on Alya for not letting Nino gather his thoughts sufficiently to actually make an argument, but still.

“But Lila’s not malicious,” Alya says, and cannot help but let her frustration bleed into her tone. “And it’s not fair to ask me to write her off as that with no evidence. She’s Ladybug’s best friend, for god’s sake! Ladybug isn’t friends with bad people!”

I really love Alya here. Because honestly? She’s right. And it’s not like anyone ELSE has been asked to write Lila off without evidence. Nino and Marinette didn’t write her off until they personally experienced evidence that she’s a terrible person. Getting upset with Alya for not doing the same when she HASN’T received such evidence may make sense emotionally, but it ISN’T fair.

And then of course, Ladybug gets tangled up in this whole mess. Well, technically she has been from the beginning, but it’s not like Alya KNOWS that Marinette is Ladybug, so for her they count as two completely separate relationships.

Here Alya DOES genuinely stumble. I don’t blame her for believing that Lila is Ladybug’s BFF, she’s been given very good evidence that she is, and it’s not like she’s been given much opportunity to ask Ladybug about Lila - or ANYTHING - lately. But her priorities are getting skewed.

“Nino!” Alya shouts. “If you’re going to ask me to trust your gut feeling, then how about you consider trusting mine! Ladybug is actively going out of her way not to acknowledge me!” Miserably wrapping her arms around her waist, she whispers, “She always used to – to give me a wink, or a nod, or something. But now she just swings away, even when I know I caught her attention.”

Nino takes a deep breath, hesitantly reaching to brush his fingers along her shoulder. “Look, babe, I get it, you know I do. Being a hero is fun and all, but–“

“Fun?” Alya repeats incredulously. “Fun? Nino, it’s a dream come true! And you can’t ask me to give that up and antagonize Ladybug’s best friend because you and Marinette got bad vibes. That’s not a fair thing to ask!”

“Yeah, well,” Nino says, gaze growing cold again. “Life’s not fair. And I didn’t take you for the kind of person who’d sacrifice her friends for ambition.”

Now it seems like Alya’s choosing between friendship and sucking up to Lila in order to be a superhero again. I don’t think that’s what she really means - certainly as the ONLY reason for Alya’s reluctance to antagonize Lila without good reason - but NINO’S taking it that way right now, and that IS the reason she just stated. It certainly plays a factor, though even without that angle, I doubt that Alya would just shun Lila because Nino and Marinette don’t like her without being provided with more of a reason. But it probably ups her standards of evidence, because she has more to lose if it turns out that Nino and Marinette are wrong.

She rears back, choking on an angry yell. Heavy silence falls, a crushing weight on her shoulders broken only by their harsh breathing.

“…you don’t mean that,” she whispers.

He exhales, shaking his head. “I don’t. But babe – whether you’re aware of it or not, this is the path you’re on. And I want to have your back, but there’s only so far I can go with you.”

God, has he ever looked at her like this before? So – so disappointed?

Blinking back the hurt, she reaches for his hand again. “Alright, can we just – just stop? Please? Let’s forget this happened, okay?”

Thing is, Alya’s STUCK at this point. She’s losing everyone and everything she cares about and her attempts to fix it only make things worse and she doesn’t know what’s going on or what to do and everyone’s mad at her and SHE JUST WANTS THINGS TO BE OK AGAIN.

Alya and Nino become akumatized into Oblivio due to how upset Alya is and how much she just wants to forget that argument ever happened. When she wakes up, Ladybug and Chat Noir are kissing, like in canon. So she snaps a photo.

I honestly don’t blame her for that, either in the fic OR canon. She just woke up and the first thing she sees is her OTP kissing, there hasn’t really been an opportunity for her higher brain functions to engage. Her actions afterwards carry a lot more weight.

Chat Noir and Ladybug realize what happened and Ladybug flees, even as Alya calls out to her.

His somersaulting thoughts are interrupted by the beep of Ladybug’s earrings. She blinks as if coming out of a trance, then whispers, “I have to go.”

“No, Ladybug, please wait!” Alya calls out, rushing forward, but his Lady has already leapt away.

And she doesn’t look back. At either of them.

Alya WANTS to talk to Ladybug, presumably to try to straighten out the whole mess with Heroes Day and maybe to get confirmation that Lila IS Ladybug’s BFF, since Nino doubted it. Sadly she doesn’t get the opportunity. Alya thinks that Ladybug in part might have been fleeing her because she’s mad at her, and honestly? She might not be totally wrong there.

Alya and Nino talk after Ladybug leaves.

Alya blinks, Nino’s voice pulling her out of her reverie, and she turns to look over her shoulder. He’s looking at her with concern with his eyes – probably because she’s been standing motionless, doing nothing but silently stare at the roof’s edge.

Ladybug hadn’t even looked back.

“Told you she’s mad at me,” Alya says with a brittle smile, and regrets it instantly when Nino’s expression grows hooded. What is she doing? She just got the two of them Akumatized and the first words out of her mouth directed at him are about how she’s right.

“I don’t think that was about you,” he says stiffly.

Right now it just seems like everything Alya says and does is WRONG and she KNOWS her friends are hurting but she doesn’t know how to fix things. Everyone’s mad at her and she has nowhere to turn. Nino was the one person who wasn’t at least sort of upset with her, and now he is too. And she just can’t stop making mistakes that just upset the people around her more and more.

And then there’s the matter of the picture Alya just took.

“Hopefully,” she murmurs, clutching her phone to her chest. For all that she managed to capture a priceless scoop, sure to set the internet aflame, it doesn’t feel like a triumph at all.

Will Ladybug be angry if she publishes it? Angrier?

Maybe she should consult Lila, she’ll know what Ladybug would be comfortable with…

Alya really wants to publish it, but she wants to check first. She can’t ask Ladybug, so she wants to ask Lila, which honestly is reasonable. It’s really, REALLY tempting to just post it, but she doesn’t want to upset Ladybug more than she already has.

Chat torpedoes that.

“I wish.” His lips twitch in amusement. “No, I was reminded I had to do something. So, Alya, right? Can I borrow your phone?”

“Um.” She glances down at her treasured companion, screen still displaying The Kiss that would undoubtedly cement her blog’s reputation as the number one source for Ladynoir-related news. Alya rarely lends her phone to anyone, not even her friends who are used to her overprotective ways at this point. Yet unwilling to deny one of the heroes of Paris a request when she’s already on thin ice, she finds herself holding it out toward Chat Noir. “Sure.”

Claws clacking against the protective case, he plucks it from her hand. The slight frown on his expression melts away as soon as he catches a glimpse of the photo she managed to capture. His gaze darts hungrily over the screen, pupils growing wide and round. A wistful smile plays at his lips as he stares for a long moment, enraptured.

Then his thumb taps on the display.

“Annnd deleted.”

“What!?” Alya shrieks, snatching the phone back at once. Nonono, he can’t have–

“My Lady is a private person,” Chat Noir says, both his smile and his voice gaining a sharp edge as he turns to leave. “Journalism is all well and good, but nobody likes a paparazzi.”

She DOES at least hand her phone over, if only reluctantly. Though she’d probably have been a lot MORE reluctant in that case, considering how hesitant she was to hand over the Fox Miraculous after the first time. She still did it though.

She freaks out afterwards, having not had any preparation for what was coming and having the one positive of what just happened snatched away.

And while Chat has a point about paparazzi, Alya’s not exactly in a position to think calmly about what happened and re-evaluate her eagerness to post a private moment I think. She might realize that they were right, but her headspace right now... I don’t know. Because now she’s pretty clearly seen it demonstrated that BOTH the Heroes of Paris are unhappy with her in some capacity. She doesn’t HAVE anyone.

Actually it sorta makes me think of Marinette, how she can see Alya’s point-of-view on the whole Lila situation but is unable to sympathize with it at all due to her own mental bandwidth being near capacity. Really all of these kids just need a freaking BREAK.

That’s as far as “Lies We Tell (Ourselves)” has gotten so far. Honestly after really digging into the nitty-gritty of Alya’s character arc so far, I think she’s actually handled the Lila-Marinette situation better than could be reasonably expected, considering the information she’s operating off of. I don’t know whether anyone else knowing only what she knows would have done better. She DOES need to improve on her relations with Ladybug and being a hero, but part of that seems to be ambition going to her head a little, and needing a reminder that Ladybug isn’t just a celebrity, she’s a person too. Those are reminders that adults often need as well honestly.

Hopefully she remembers what being a hero REALLY means. Because anyone can get a little lost sometimes, but she needs something to tell her what she can do that’s RIGHT. Alya’s perfectly willing to stand up to bullies and protect her friends, but when it’s not clear who’s the bully and who’s the friend? Not so easy.

I actually feel really bad for Alya right now. Because while Marinette has lamented how no one fights for her, Alya’s actually experiencing that right now more than Marinette was. She doesn’t have a friend like Chat to run to and seek comfort from. Everyone she’s close to is mad at her for one reason or another and she can’t fix it, however much she wants to.

I hope things work out for her. She needs to re-examine her reasons for wanting to be a superhero, but aside from that, she really HAS done everything right or as close to right as is reasonable based on what she knows. And that’s all ANYONE can do.

[tiny-opal-essence]

Pocket Paladin Chpt 8

Training

“Good morning paladins!  I hope you didn’t forget about training today.  I expect to see you all on the training deck in 15 doboshes.  Every dobosh one of you is late, that’s an extra 5 doboshes more training for everyone before breakfast.”

Lance groaned as Allura’s voice rang over the comms.

Why does everything have to be so loud from this perspective?

He sat up and groggily rubbed his eyes.  The bed creaked behind him as Keith did the same.  He climbed off of his jacket and onto the nightstand while Keith walked over to the wall.  Keith pressed his hand against the hidden panel and the closet opened.

It is amazing how you wouldn’t even know the closet was there.  There aren’t even lines in the wall giving it away.  Alien technology is pretty cool.

Keith started taking off his shirt, causing Lance to let out a small *gasp* at seeing him shirtless.

Mmm, those back muscles…Not now bi thoughts!

Keith turned towards him when he heard Lance, giving him an even better view of his chest.

“Do you mind?  Don’t be weird.  Just turn around.” Keith said.

“Sorry!” Lance turned away from Keith while trying to get his face to cool down.

Like he said, don’t be weird.

‘You know he doesn’t like you in that way.’

I know he’s straight, but I can still appreciate how good he looks.

‘But what would he think of you if he found out about your little crush?’

That’s why he’s not going to find out.

While Lance was thinking, Keith was going through something similar.

Keith had almost forgotten that Lance was in the room with him before he had *gasped*.  He didn’t know why Lance seeing him shirtless was making him feel so weird.  His cheeks felt warm and there was an odd tightness in his chest.  Was he feeling embarrassed?  He’d never felt embarrassed about his body before.  Was he worried about Lance somehow using this against him?  No.  Whatever it was, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it as he finished getting dressed in his paladin armor.  He didn’t have time to figure it out, as both he and Lance had to get down to the training deck.

“Are you done?” Lance asked his back still facing Keith.

“Yes.  Are you?” Keith responded.

“I don’t have anything else to change into, so yeah.”

“Didn’t Pidge say that your armor had shrunk too?  She gave that back, right?”

“Not yet.  She wanted to try to boost the signal from it since it got scaled down.  So for now, all I’ve got is the healing pod outfit.  Lucky me.”

Lance’s outfit was starting to look less pristine than the day before.  He wished that some of his other outfits had been shrunk too, like his jacket or even just his jeans.  It would let him feel a bit of normalcy.  He was glad that the picture of his family hadn’t been shrunk.  If it had and he had lost it, there would be no way he would ever find it.

“We should get going before we’re late,” Lance said.

“Good idea.  Do you want to go on my shoulder again?” Keith placed his hand down in front of Lance who quickly climbed on.

“Yeah.  I like being closer to everyone else’s eye level.  Less looking up or down on both sides.” Lance sat down between the collar of Keith’s armor and his neck and grabbed onto his hair once more.  “Onwards, noble steed!”

“Really, Lance?”

“Hey, do you want to be late for training?  Less talking more walking.”

Keith let out a slightly annoyed *huff* and started heading towards the training deck.

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“I’m glad to see you’re all on time for once.” Allura glanced over at Lance when she said the last part.  The others didn’t seem to notice.

Why does she have to say that?  It’s not like I try to be late.

“Shiro suggested we do some more mind melding exercises due to the change in who’s piloting which lion.  Everyone grab a headset.”

“What about me?  I don’t think those come in my size.” Lance pointed out.

“Oh, that’s right.  You can help monitor everything with Coran.” Allura decided.

“Ok.”  Mind melding exercises may not have been Lance’s favorite, but he thought he could at least participate in them somehow like this.

“Don’t worry, my boy.  There’s not much to it.” Coran assured Lance as he was handed over to him.

That’s not what I was worried about, but thanks.

“After breakfast, I can try to make one of these for you.”  Hunk offered.  “It might take a bit, but with some reverse engineering I should be able to figure it out.”

“I can help.  I’d love to know more about how they work.” Pidge added on.

“That sounds like a good plan, but we shouldn’t waste any more training time,” Shiro commented.

Good to know my friends worrying about me is considered wasting time.

“Shiro’s correct.  We should get started.” Allura stated as everyone except Coran went to sit in a circle.

“Alright paladins, you know the drill.  Close your eyes and think about your connection with your lion.” Coran said.

Green and Yellow’s holograms popped up in front of Pidge and Hunk almost instantly.  Blue appeared for Allura hardly a moment later.

“Excellent, Allura.  Your bond with Blue has grown much stronger as of late.” Coran commented.

How come she’s so much better at this than I am?

‘You know why.  It’s clear to anyone that Allura is the best choice for blue paladin.’

Well…Blue picked me first!

‘But she also abandoned you first, didn’t she?  She cut you off as soon as someone better came along.’

While Lance was sorting through his thoughts, Keith was having a little trouble focusing.  The lion in front of him kept switching between Red and Black.  After a few seconds, Red appeared.

Shiro was having a similar struggle.  Black would appear in front of him for hardly a moment before fizzling out in a burst of purple.  It was obvious to anyone watching that he was trying to focus, but it had been so long since he remembered connecting with Black.

“Patience yields focus,”  Keith said as the others felt Shiro’s struggle through the mind meld.

“I should have known you’d use that against me.”  Shiro took a deep breath.  Slowly, Black came into focus in all her glory.

“Well done paladins!  It’s amazing how quickly you’re getting the hang of this new arrangement!  Why I think you’ve done it faster than the paladins of old.  Now, focus on Voltron.”

They’re better without me?

‘Of course they are. You were just holding them back.’

Slowly, the lions all moved towards the center of the circle.  The arms and legs formed perfectly.  As Black came closer to the others, her image shifted to form the head.  Before it could connect with the rest of Voltron, the image became distorted and changed to something much more frightening.

Shiro ripped off the headset and stood up when he saw the face of Haggar appear.  His breathing was heavy as the others removed their headsets.

“Are you ok, Shiro?” Hunk asked.

“To be honest, I’m not sure.  Even though I’m free, it still feels like she’s holding me captive somehow.”  He rubbed at his temples to try and get rid of his headache.

“That’s understandable.  You were a prisoner for a while.  It takes time to adjust back to normal.” Pidge said.

“There’s a part of me that feels like this is wrong, that it’s all some illusion she cast to trick me.”

“I assure you, this is real.”  Allura grabbed Shiro’s hand.

“Yeah, if it was an illusion, do you think she would have had me be like this?” Lance gestured to himself.

“Haha, probably not,” Shiro responded with a smile.

“We’re here for you, Shiro.”  Hunk said.

“We won’t let her get to you,”  Keith added on.

“Thanks.  I was hoping the mind-melding might help me get my thoughts together, or remember more of what happened, but it’s still mostly blank.  I think I remember the second letter of the project name.  It might be a u or maybe a double o.  Definitely an oo sound, but that’s all I got.”

“Ok, so with that, we now have K or C followed by u or oo.  So it’s a coo like sound.” Hunk thought out loud.

“Couldn’t it also be qu for the name?”  Lance suggested.

“Maybe.  Ok, so we’re a little bit closer to figuring out the name of the project.”  Hunk added on.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t remember more,” Shiro said.

“You have nothing to apologize for, Shiro.  Going through something like that and being willing to dig through the traumatic memories is a show of great courage.” Coran responded.

“It doesn’t feel very courageous.”

“It is.  Courage cannot erase our fears, courage is when we face our fears.”  Lance said.

“Where’d you hear that?”

“Newsies.”

“Of course your advice comes from a musical,” Keith commented.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“How about we all go get some breakfast?”  Hunk stopped the argument before it could grow out of control.  “Now seems like a good time for a break.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Allura added on.

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“It looks like he’s remembering more than we expected at this point,” Axha said.

“We’ll just have to move the time table forward then,” Lotor stated.

“But what if he remembers too much?” Ezor asked.

“That is of no concern to us now.”

“He seems to be having some doubts about being on the team.  He is also acting slightly different than expected.” Axha pointed out.

“Not to worry.  Any differences in his behavior will be written off as a side effect of being a prisoner.  We need to keep monitoring the situation to make sure it stays that way for as long as possible.”

Kova *meowed* in agreement on Narti’s shoulder.

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After breakfast, Pidge, Hunk, and Lance had gone back to the training deck to get the mind meld headsets to bring to the workbench.  They were eager to see how they worked so they could make one for Lance at his new height.  Pidge had also finished boosting the signal in Lance’s paladin armor so the comms could reach as far as at normal height.  Lance was just glad to have another outfit to wear besides the healing pod outfit.

Hunk was carefully taking apart one of the headsets while Pidge was digging through information in a book Coran had found for them in the library.  Lance was sitting on the scale with Chuchule so they were out of the way.

“It looks like there should be sensors on the forehead, temples, and behind the ears.”  Pidge looked at the blueprint in the text.

“I think I see them.  Does it say anything about how to remove them?” Hunk asked.

“No, just information on who created them.  Nothing on how they get an electroencephalography either.”

“What’s an electro-sif-ography?” Lance asked.

“Electroencephalography.  It’s a way of measuring brainwaves.  The sensors read the changes in the electrical field from the ionic current in your brain neurons.”  Hunk responded as he reached for the pliers on the back wall of the workbench.

“Wait, brains have electricity?”

“Yep.  There’s enough electricity in the brain to power a low-watt light bulb, though yours might only power a single Christmas light.” Pidge smirked at Lance before looking back in the book.

Was that a dig at my height, or my intelligence?

‘Both’

Hunk had the tip of his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth as he concentrated on removing one of the sensors with the pliers.  He was so focused on the task at hand that he hadn’t heard the last bit of Pidge’s response to Lance.  Slowly, but surely, the sensor was coaxed out.

“Got it!” Hunk grabbed the microscope and placed the sensor on a slide.

Hunk and Pidge started talking excitedly about the technology.  Most of it went over Lance’s head because engineering wasn’t his forte.  He decided to talk to Chuchule.

“How’s your day going?”

Chuchule gave him a thumbs up then pointed at him with an inquisitive look on her face.

“Mine’s going as good as can be expected.  I’m still tiny, which sucks.  No offense meant.” Lance was worried he might have accidentally insulted Chuchule since he was shrunk down to a similar height to her.

Chuchule waved one of her front paws and shook her head to show that it didn’t offend her.

“It’s just…yeah.  How do you handle being this small?”

Chuchule shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess you always being like this makes it easier.  Maybe you and the others can show me the ropes.”

Chuchule nodded enthusiastically before refocusing on what Pidge and Hunk were doing.

Pidge put the headset on the slide and looked at where the sensor had been.  She and Hunk gushed more about the technology and what substitutes could potentially be used to make it in Lance’s size.

“It’ll have to be a helmet instead of a headset because of the size, but I think that will work.”  Hunk said.

“We might have to visit the space mall to get some of the supplies.” Pidge thought out loud.

“Oooh!  Can we go to the earth store when we go?” Lance was excited at the prospect of seeing something from home.

“Ummm.  I don’t think you’ll be coming with if we go.” Hunk sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Why not?  It’s just the mall.”

“You got into trouble at your normal height last time we were there,” Pidge said.

I remember you getting in trouble right next to me.  Heck, we all got in trouble

“We all got in trouble last time-” Hunk began.

Thank you!

“-but there’s just too many people for it to be safe.”

“How is that any different from coming along on a recon mission?”

“For recon, we’re not trying to be seen and we would have our helmet comms.  We can’t wear our helmets in the space mall.  There, we would be talking to people, it would be loud, and if something happened, we might not realize until it’s too late.”  Hunk replied.

“Don’t forget about the swap moons.”

“True, true.  It’s just too risky.”

“Oh,” Lance said dejectedly.

“I can try to get a shark keychain for you if you want.” Hunk offered.

“Thanks.” Lance smiled slightly.

Hunk looked over at Pidge’s laptop and saw what time it was.

“We should go get some lunch before afternoon training starts.”

“Good idea,” Pidge said.  Both she and Hunk placed a hand down in front of Lance as he climbed off of the scale.

“Uh, well, this is awkward,” Lance said as he looked between their hands.

“I want to carry him,” Hunk said.

“You already carried him here, I want a turn.”

“He’s my best friend.”

“Well, he’s my friend too.”

“Guys, please.  There’s plenty of me to go around.” Lance had his hands up in a calm down fashion.

Pidge let out a snicker before apologizing.

“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but it’s just funny hearing you say that when you’re so tiny.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, that’s why I said it.  Gotta try to have fun with this situation, right?”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better.” Hunk said.

“Me too.”

“I’ve got an idea for figuring out who gets to carry you-” Pidge started.

Is it letting me decide?

“-Rock, paper, scissors.”

Of course not.

“How about winner gets to bring you to lunch, loser brings you to training?” Hunk suggested.

“Sounds good.  Best of 3?  Rock, Paper, Scissors!”

Every time their fists hit their palms, it reminded Lance of the close call with Shiro’s fist the day before.  He knew that Shiro didn’t mean to do that, though he noticed that Shiro had been standing further away from him than the others after that event.

Shiro’s the only one who hasn’t held me like this.  Is he worried that he might hurt me?  Space-dad would never do that…at least, not on purpose.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Pidge let out a *whoop* of victory.

“Yes!  I won!” She pumped her fists in the air.  She came close to hitting the workbench and knocking Lance over the edge in her excitement.

“Fine, Kaitlyn.” Hunk yielded.

“Closer, but still not my name.” Pidge put her hand in front of Lance and the three of them went to get lunch.

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Keith and Shiro were also walking through the castle ship to get some food.

“How’s Lance rooming with you going?”

“Fine.”

“Have you two built any bridges yet?” Shiro said with a slightly teasing voice.

“No.  Maybe.  He talked about his family a bit.  They seem nice.”

“It’s good to know you’re getting along better with him.”

“It’s kind of hard to talk with Lance.”

“Why is that?” Shiro looked over at Keith.

“I think it’s partially how we butt heads so much and another part it’s hard to get a word in.  He can be so frustrating sometimes and then he says something I don’t understand.  I still don’t get why the chant can’t just be ‘Voltron.’  It doesn’t have to be complicated!”

“If it’s that frustrating, we could see about him rooming with someone else.”

“No!”  Keith and Shiro were both surprised by how quickly Keith responded.  “I mean, I’m the safest option for him to room with.  And like you said, we could build some bridges.  I want to get along with him.”

“That’s good to hear.  I hope you’re willing to open up to him as well.”

“That might take a while.”

“I know.  I still remember how long it took you to open up to me.” Shiro let out a small laugh.

“That was years ago, Shiro.  You can stop bringing it up, you know.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell the others.  Let’s go eat.” Shiro said as they walked towards the kitchen door.

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“Am I the only one that thinks it’s a bad idea to train right after eating?” Hunk asked as everyone walked from the kitchen to the training deck.

“I agree,”  Lance said from his position in Hunk’s hands.  “If you have to wait an hour before swimming, it should be the same with training.”

“Lance, that’s an old wives tale,” Pidge commented.

“The reason we are training so soon after eating is because we don’t know when Voltron will next be needed.  We will not always have the luxury of time to prepare.” Allura explained.

“I don’t see how this applies to me since I really can’t participate in the training,” Lance said.

“You are not getting out of training just because you went and got yourself shrunk, Lance,” Allura said with a strict tone.

Hey, I didn’t “get myself shrunk”.  I stopped the spell from hitting Keith, but she’s making it sound like I wanted this to happen to me.  I mean, sure, there have been times I’ve wanted to get out of training, but I wouldn’t shrink to do that.

“Well, what can I do?  My bayard didn’t shrink with my armor and I can’t exactly fight the gladiator at this height.”

“We will find a way for you to participate.” Allura snapped before apologizing.  “Sorry.”

“Are you ok, Allura?” Shiro asked.

“Yes, I was just up late reading last night.  I don’t mean to be so curt.  I believe I am merely tired.” She responded as they made their way onto the training deck.  “Let’s get started.”

Hunk brought Lance over to a raised section of the floor which put him at about chest height with the others.  Allura began leading the group in some stretching exercises.

It seemed that Lance hadn’t lost any of his flexibility, which he was glad for.  It was one thing that was still normal.

After 5 quintants of that, Allura switched gears.

“Today, we are going to face the gladiator.  Coran has upgraded it with the help of Slav’s blueprints, so it should provide more of a challenge.”

“What about me?” Lance asked.

“You can work on your endurance by running laps on the platform.” Allura decided.  “Strength and endurance are both equally important in subduing an enemy.”

“Don’t worry, the gladiator won’t target you.  It’s already been programmed to not go after the space mice, so it should perceive you as one of them and avoid you.” Coran stated.

“Ok,” Lance responded.

Should I feel offended by that?  I mean, I know I’m a similar height to the space mice, but is that really enough for me to be written off as not mattering?

‘Looks like you answered your own question.’

“I wonder if we could build a tiny treadmill for you.” Hunk thought out loud.

“Or we could avoid going through all that trouble and just get a hamster wheel.  Haha.” Pidge suggested.

I’m not some kind of pet!

“As adorable as that sounds-“ Shiro tried to hide his smile “-that would be a bit demeaning to Lance.”

“What is a hamster?  And why would it need a wheel?” Coran asked.

“A hamster is a type of pet back on earth.  They’re similar looking to the space mice, but a bit bigger.  A hamster wheel is a wheel that is held off the ground that they can run in place in to exercise.” Hunk answered.

“That’s a very practical piece of equipment,” Allura commented.

“It is, until you remember they’re nocturnal and are always running like crazy when you’re trying to sleep.”  Keith’s tone let everyone know he was speaking from experience.

“Didn’t take you for the hamster type,” Lance said.

“I’m not.  It wasn’t mine.”

“Well then whose-” Lance started to ask before Allura interrupted.

“We should focus on the task at hand.  There’s still training to be done.”

Again with the talking over me.  Why?

Allura got in her stance.  “Whenever you’re ready, Coran.”

“Paladins in position?” Coran said from the control panel at the edge of the room.  “Go!”

The gladiator-bot dropped from the ceiling and wasted no time in picking its first target.  With every lap that Lance made on the stand, someone else was facing the robot.  Pidge.  Hunk. Shiro.  Allura.  Hunk again.  Keith.  Back to Shiro.  Lance found himself slowing down as he watched the rest of the team train.

“Keep running, Lance.  This is no time to be slacking off.”  Allura called out.

How did she even know I had slowed down?  She was facing the other way.  Do Alteans have eyes in the back of their heads?

Lance picked up the pace, but still took notice of who was facing the gladiator-bot.  Keith.  Allura.  Pidge.  Hunk.

Ooo that had to hurt.

Lance winced as the floor opened up beneath Hunk.  The room it brought those who fell in training to was actually right next door with a one-way wall/door kind of thing so they could still watch the others train and see ways they could improve.  The bot continued fighting with its staff.

Shiro.  Pidge.  Allura.

And the robot just threw her across the room.  Ok.

Keith.  Pidge.  Shiro.  Pidge.

That might leave a bruise.

Shiro.  Keith.  Still Keith.  Now Shiro.  Back to Keith.  Shiro once more.

Why is it looking at me?  Shiro and Keith are both on the other side of it.

Lance stopped running and stared back at the robot.

And now it’s moving closer.  Oh quiznak!

Lance backed up to the edge of the ledge.  He knew he wouldn’t survive if he jumped off, but he didn’t have anywhere to go.  That was the most distance he could put between himself and the gladiator that was now targeting him.

The gladiator raised up its staff and started to bring it down towards Lance.

There was a terrible *clang* as Lance dove out of the way on the platform.  He looked up and saw that Keith had managed to get all the way across the room to stop the blow.  He couldn’t see his eyes since his back was facing him, but given that Keith was growling slightly, he was willing to bet they were yellow.

In his hurry to protect Lance, Keith wasn’t able to get in a strong stance.  The gladiator shoved him out of the way and the floor opened up around him.  The robot raised its staff once more, but before it could strike, it was stabbed through from behind by Shiro's prosthetic.  Keith’s attack had distracted the gladiator long enough for Shiro to get to Lance.

Lance covered his head with his arms as small pieces of the robot fell around him.  The door in the one-way wall opened and the rest of the team ran over to him.

“Lance!  Are you ok?!” Hunk asked.

“I’m still in one piece.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I thought you said that it wouldn’t target him?” Keith glared over at Coran.

“It shouldn’t have.”  Coran was opening panels and looking at the wiring to see what had happened.  “It should only target paladins, unless we’re doing a protection exercise.  Why did it go after Lance?”

“It might be that the system still sees Lance as a paladin.” Pidge ran over to help Coran figure out what had gone wrong.  “The tracker in his helmet still works even after it was shrunk, so it must be picking up on that.  We might just have to erase Lance’s data from the system.”

“But I have the best score for the shooting range!”

“You can get the high score again once you’re back to normal,” Shiro assured.

“I believe now is a good time to be done with training.  We’ve had enough scares for one day.  We will continue this session tomorrow.” Allura decided.

“I could really go for a shower right now,” Lance said.

“That won’t be happening for a while.  You might wind up going down the drain.  That, and the water pressure would definitely knock you off your feet.” Pidge stated.

“Well, then what would you suggest?”

“…I think I’ve got an idea.” Hunk ran out of the room.

“Well don’t just stand there.  Let’s see what his idea is.” Pidge said.

Pidge, Allura, and Coran ran after Hunk.  Keith started toward the door.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Shiro pointed to Lance.

“Can’t you grab him?”

“Why can’t you?”

“You’re the only one who hasn’t had a chance to carry him,” Keith responded.

“Yeah, and you should do it soon, cause I won’t be like this for much longer.”

I hope.

“I don’t feel comfortable carrying him.  I still feel on edge and I’m worried something would go wrong.  We’ve had enough close calls for one day.”

“Come on, Shiro.  When else are you going to get a chance to carry someone in the palm of your hands?” Lance asked.

“I would rather not literally hold your life in my hands.  What if my arm glitches and you get hurt?”

“Pidge checked for any glitches.  You’re in the clear.”  Keith responded.

“I have this nagging feeling that there’s something we missed.”

“If you’re that worried, I can just hitch a ride with Keith.  It’s not a big deal.  Let’s just go see what Hunk’s idea is.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“That was risky, Narti.  If they had suspected tampering with the gladiator, they could have discovered our virus.” Axha commented.

Cova *meowed* on Narti’s shoulder.

“You have to admit, it was pretty brilliant,” Zethrid added on.  “And watching them fall all over themselves to protect him was priceless.”

“Yeah, if we hadn’t been studying them so much, we wouldn’t have known they would blame it on operator error.” Ezor contributed.

“Nevertheless, it was a risky endeavor.  If he had been killed, this would be all for naught.  We must tread lightly in our spying.” Lotor reminded his team of what was at stake.  “Everything depends on getting him alone.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hunk’s idea had been a bowl.  He had explained that since it’s what the space mice used, the same could apply to Lance because he’s a similar height to them.

It was kind of like taking a bath in a hot tub, albeit one without jets, but still nice.  Having to have someone be in the room with him was annoying, even though he knew he was only there in case something happened.  

Keith was sitting on the floor, back against the nightstand the bowl was on.  He had only commented a little bit about how many different products Lance used.  Shampoo, conditioner, face mask stuff, and a few other ones that Keith couldn’t identify for the life of him.  

The bottles were set up on the edge of the nightstand to act as a wall to give Lance some privacy.  There were small amounts of the different products on the edges of the bowl for easy access, small being a relative term.  A washcloth was hanging on the edge of the bowl so Lance could get in and out on his own.  

There was an extra set of the black under armor on the nightstand next to Lance’s dirty one.  Lance hoped that Coran was right in that it would shrink to fit, otherwise he’d only have the outfit he was shrunk in and the healing pod outfit.

Lance looked down at his hands.

“*gasp* I’m pruning!”

“That tends to happen when you spend so much time in the water,” Keith commented.

“Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to go swimming, so I’m going to enjoy this as long as possible.  Besides, I still have a minute until I can rinse off my face mask.”

“It must be like an ocean to you.”

“More like a hot tub, but still better than the pool in the castle.  How the cheese is the water like that?  Water doesn’t float, things float in it!”

“We could talk to Coran and Allura about that.”

“Nah, I don’t want to bother them.  We’ve got bigger things to worry about.”

“And smaller.” Lance could hear the smile in Keith’s voice.

“Oh my gosh, did you just make a pun?”

“I’m allowed to make a pun if I want to.” Keith had to resist the urge to turn around and glare at Lance’s face masked face.

“It just sounds weird coming out of you.  You’re a hard guy to figure out.”

“Well, is there anything you want to know about me?”

“Yeah, I want to hear more about the hamster.  Why did your family have one if you couldn’t stand it?”

“They weren’t my family.  I just lived with them for a little while.”

“Oh, sorry.  I didn’t know.”

“Not a lot of people do.”

“Hey, my lips are sealed.  So, about the hamster.”

“Mr. Fluffy Cuddles was-”

Lance started laughing.  “His name was Mr. Fluffy Cuddles?  That’s hilarious.”

“Anyways, Mr. Fluffy Cuddles was their daughter’s pet.  She would put him in princess dresses and carry him everywhere.  I was in the room furthest from his cage, but was the only one that was bothered by him running late at night.  Apparently, I was the only one that heard it.  I guess now we know why.” Keith pointed to his ears.  “He kept me up so late some nights that I was falling asleep in class.  One day, I got so annoyed, that I went over to his cage while he was sleeping and started banging on it saying ‘How does that feel?  Huh?’ thinking that would get him to stop.”

“You actually thought that would work?” Lance asked.

“I was 8.  And all that did was get me put in a different home and labeled as difficult, troubled, and potentially violent.  They recommended against me being put in a house with other children and especially not in one with small pets.”

“You do good with the space mice.”

And me.  Wait, would that mean I’m thinking of myself as a pet?  I’m gonna stop that thought right there.

“Well, it’s mostly Plachu that hangs out with me while I’m training.  I’ve caught him mimicking some of the moves.  He’s actually pretty good.”

“That’s adorable!” Lance washed off his face mask.

“Yeah.” Keith chuckled slightly.  “How long did Allura say it was until we reached Olkari?”

“I think we’ve still got a varga, maybe a bit less.” Lance climbed out of the bowl using the washcloth.  He grabbed a Kleenex and dried himself off.

“Let me know when you’re done changing.  My leg’s starting to go numb.”

“Will do.” Lance approached the bundle of clothing that was the black under armor.

Hopefully Coran is right.

Lance stepped into the head hole and saw the hole start to get smaller.  It changed at a quick but gradual pace.  Soon enough, the under armor fit him like a glove.

“I’m done.”

Keith stretched his arms over his head.

“Finally.  I was starting to think you might have turned into a mermaid.”  Keith turned around so that he was on his knees facing the nightstand.

“I wish.  Then these looks would be all natural.”

“I still don’t get why you need so many of these.” Keith moved some of the bottles of products to the side and rested his chin on his hands on the nightstand.

“Hey, I take care of my body.  If you love the skin you’re in, you need to show it some appreciation.  You might want to consider using some of them.”

“No thanks.”

“Keith.”  Lance approached Keith’s face and slapped his cheeks with his hands.  “I can see your pores.  They’re dying.”

“My skin is fine.”

Lance realized just how close he was to Keith’s lips when he responded.

Wow.  If I took a few steps forward, it would be like he was kissin-

‘Don’t make it weird.’

Yeah, this is kind of close.

Lance took a few steps back and looked away while awkwardly coughing in his fist.

Keith hadn’t expected Lance to get so close.  He had to cross his eyes slightly so he could see him clearly.  When Lance hit his cheeks, he hardly felt it.  He tried to not breathe too hard when he responded since Lance was right in front of him.  That weird tightness in his chest was back.  

Lance suddenly backed away from him and coughed in his fist.  Keith wondered why he had done that.  Was he doing the whole ‘no homo’ thing that every other straight guy did?  He saw the slight pinkish tint to Lance’s face and realized he must have felt nervous.  Keith knew that he could be intimidating without trying to be, but it was hard to imagine what that would look like from Lance’s perspective.

“Um…sorry I…um…” Lance tried to string his word together.

Why did I have to go and make things so awkward?  All because of this stupid crush I have on his stupid self with his stupid hair and his stupid beautiful smile.  Ugggh, I’ve got it bad.  Why does he have to be straight?

“I’m going to drop you off with Pidge and Hunk while I go take a shower.” Keith stood up and offered his hand to Lance.

“Sounds like a plan.  I hope the Olkari have the supplies they’re looking for.”

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Realities without a Lance: 69 (+15)

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[scripttorture]

I have a character who is going to be forced to watch her friends get beaten/tortured in front of her as punishment (mostly because she has powers and the guards are a little afraid to hurt her directly or get too close). This continues for a week or two, and they rotate through her friends so she gets to watch all of them be hurt for her "acting out." When they are eventually rescued, the others are hospitalized, but she is physically fine. Out of guilt - wrongly believing herself to (Part 1/2)

(Part 2/2) be responsible for their injuries - she decides to try and force her powers into helping her heal them. And here's where I need your advice - In learning how to use her powers to heal, she tests it on herself to varying levels of success, mainly by cutting herself and then trying to force the wound shut again. It's kind of a fine line between justifying self-harm to herself and obsessively trying to fix what she feels is something she caused. Is there anything I should be mindful of?

Thisis one of those ideas where I think a lot depends on the execution.

It’snot a bad idea in and of itself, and I get the impression you’realready quite aware of how serious the things you’re depicting are.That’s a good place to start.

Butthere’s an awful lot of space between an idea and what ends up onthe page. Despite our hard work and best intentions it’s very easyto leave readers with the wrong impression at the end of the story. Ithink that’s going to be the biggest difficulty here: making surethat your writing is actually communicating what you want to themajority of your readers.

Honestlythat’s a really common writing problem, even with much ‘lighter’themes. It’s also not something that’s easily addressed by aformula or simple change to the narrative.

I’vefound writing groups most helpful for addressing this issue.

Onceyou’ve got something written down that you feel comfortable sharingI’d suggest trying to find one. I’ve generally been lucky enoughto live in places that have local ones. My current one meets twice amonth, we read sections of our stories to each other and offer ourthoughts.

Internetwriting groups may be more easily accessible to you but I’ve foundthis face-to-face connection helps to keep things friendly, even whenthe feedback is negative. On the other hand you might be morecomfortable with the relative anonymity of internet based groups.That’s a perfectly valid choice and you should pick the kind ofgroup you feel most comfortable with. (Face to face groups are notalways disparaging of fanfiction in case that’s a worry. Mine had avery well received piece of James Bond crack written by a 60 yearold).

ButI strongly recommend you find a group. Because the feedback frommultiple fresh pairs of eyes on difficult and complex plots like thisis invaluable. Those other pairs of eyes will spot any ambiguouspassages or parts of the narrative that suggest things you’d rathernot.

Iamgoing to give you my opinion of this plot too, but I do think havingthat extra feedback will help you to write this in the best waypossible. :)

Ithink my main worry here would be making sure that the character’spowers aren’t set up in a way that encourages her to self harm.Because there’s a huge difference between the characterjustifying it and the narrative justifying it. I’m pretty sure youknow that but it’s worth reiterating.

Thereare probably several natural ways to include that. If anothercharacter discovers her self harm you could have them respond to herjustifications. If it’s a setting where powers are generally wellknown you could have a character try to suggest practical ways shecould hone her healing powers before she starts self harming. Itmight even give her the idea.

Anotheroption is to have the self harm precede the healing, which might makeit clearer the self harm is a symptom she’s dealing with.

Somethingelse that might work is- Well her and her friends have arrived at ahospital. In a case like this any decent health care team will belooking to assess the mental health of a witness, like yourcharacter. Seeing a mental health professional will probably bestrongly encouraged.

Idon’t think it would be out of place to have someone early on tryto outlinethe symptoms she’s at risk of to her.They might also try to stress that it’s not her fault. Both medicalprofessionals and law enforcement could fit for this kind ofconversation. They’d probably want to make it clear that thesesorts of feelings are normal for someone in her position and that theprofessionals can help.

Theyprobably won’t mention that ignoring that advice is pretty normaltoo.

Ithink it’s also important to try and find a way to tackle herfeelings of self-blame. These arecommon in torture survivors. I don’t have any direct data onwitnesses but I see no reason why it wouldn’t be common in themtoo.

Onceagain there’s a difference between depicting survivors havingthese feelings, thinking they’re at fault for being abused,thinking they’re ‘broken’, and having the narrative supportthat idea. From the sounds of things I don’t think you’re settingup the narrative to support it. But there are a few more things youcould include that would help reinforce the idea she’s not toblame.

You’vegot several friends, I’m unclear how many, but enough that you’vegot space to include a range of different symptoms and responses totorture. Giving one of the injured friends the same kind ofself-blame could work really well in your narrative.

SomethingI’ve noticed anecdotally from survivor accounts is that survivorsgenerally seem to be more comfortable down playing what happened tothem personally then applying the same metric to other survivors.Basically it would be perfectly realistic for your character to blameherself but be completely horrified at the idea of her friend doingthe same thing. And the friend would likely feel exactly the sameway.

Thiscould serve as a bit of a turning point for both of them, helpingthem to accept that they weren’t to blame.

Ifshe has contact with law enforcement after this then you could havethe person listening to her account and recording it explicitly tellher it isn’t her fault. She can rejectthat, either out of hand or as a knee jerk reaction to being told howto feel. Or you might have her listen to that but struggle to acceptit. She may just not take in much of the conversation or remembermuch of it: remember that experiencing torture commonly causes memoryproblems and the mechanism that causes this almost certainly affectswitnesses too.*

Hospitalstaff could fill the same role as could religious figures. Bothmight be able to do that in response to noticing strangebehaviour around her friends. For instance she might spend a lot oftime outside their rooms but very little inside interacting with herfriends.

Ifthe story involves the character getting some kind of help from amental health professional self blame could also be addressed in thatsetting.

Youdon’t need to address it in a huge way, it doesn’t need to be aplot point or a massive scene, but I think it should be addressed atsome point.

@scriptshrink has a lot of posts on self harm and how people who self harm aretreated in a clinical setting. @scripttraumasurvivors can discussthis from a survivor’s perspective and I think they’ve writtenabout self-blame before.

Itis probably best to make it clear that her powers aren’t actuallyactivated by pain.

Beyondthat I’m not sure what else to advise. Tackling these sorts oftopics in intimidating and I understand why you’re worried. Butthat worry is a good sign, it means you’re thinking about theissues. My main impression here is that feedback and positivereinforcement would be most useful.

Ihope that helps. :)

*Therearen’t, to my knowledge, any studies on this in people whowitnessed torture but didn’t experience it. That’s partly becausemost people who witness torture are also tortured at some point.

Disclaimer

[wowcustodian]

Choice is a funny thing. People are very quick to dismiss intent, citing that it doesn’t matter what you –meant- to say or do, it’s what you did that matters and for the most part I’d probably agree however I find it funny that people are so rarely interested in why something happened, only that it happened.

A few years ago I received a bit of writing advice that has stuck with me; Every good fight is a conversation.

Of course there are simple action scenes like the heroes taking on an army of guards or the villain marching through waves of soldiers but those are all still conversations, just not very complicated ones. Climactic fights however usually if done well have multiple layers to them beyond two people trying to knock the other down.

While considering this I was reminded of a very good example of this; the Garrosh vs Thrall fight from Warlords of Draenor. Now don’t get me wrong, I still think that entire expansion was a criminal waste of potential and in that very scene I went from general irritation at Thrall to outright disgust, as did many fans and it’s not hard to see why.

Thrall was already one of those characters many people wanted to just go away by this time. Admittedly he did bugger all in Mists of Pandaria which was a pleasant break after his ascendance to “This is your Messiah now” status in Cataclysm, a role that Illidan was placed into during Legion but with promises of Thrall retaking his title in Battle for Azeroth. However WoD was Thrall supposedly stepping up to take responsibility for the crimes Garrosh committed, which only came to be because Thrall made him Warchief in the first place.

The fight itself is well animated, voice acted and honestly very well done all around, as are all of Blizzard’s cutscenes in recent years. It’s the story being told within those scenes that bother me. As I said, every good fight is a conversation and Thrall and Garrosh’s debate is particularly fascinating as they’re both passionately arguing over what Garrosh has done during his time as Warchief and how it has affected the Horde in general.

Despite what some may say, to me Garrosh does seem aware that his actions have caused the Horde harm. He knows he wasn’t the best for the job, just that he was better at it than Thrall. Now this is interesting as Garrosh used to have a great deal of respect for Thrall despite the two butting heads often. I’ve heard it said that Garrosh’s main flaw was his perspective, leading the Horde as if it were still the war machine of his father’s time and not as the multicultural system of races relying on each other to survive that it had become and I tend to agree with this.

Now to my main point. Throughout their fight Garrosh proceeds to tear down the sanctimonious, self-righteous bullshit that Thrall has fabricated about this entire scenario (Can you tell whose side I’m on in this fight?) laying the blame firmly at Thrall’s feet. Thrall, who I remind you, -did- previously admit that Garrosh’s reign was his fault, utterly denies this and claims that everything was Garrosh’s choice and many fans and even Blizzard themselves seem to agree with this, that no matter what environment Garrosh was surrounded by, it’s his fault because he chose to do all of this. Yes, he did choose to antagonise the Alliance, to mistreat the Tauren and Trolls. Yes he chose to try to use the Heart of Y’shaarj as a weapon and he chose to alter history to rally the Iron Horde for an invasion. I’m not going to deny the terrible things he did however for Thrall to say that it is entirely Garrosh’s own fault is simply wrong and using him as a scapegoat for the blame that lies on his own shoulders.

And you can tell at least someone at Blizzard knows this. The way the scene was written and especially the way Patrick Seitz voiced Garrosh, it’s obvious some people on the production team knew Thrall deserves more of the blame than he was willing to accept.

Garrosh was forced into a position of power he did not want, his only mentor and the one person he trusted the guidance of most abandoned him to people like Cairne and Vol’jin who, while both were wise, had also made it perfectly clear they did not like Garrosh nor want him as Warchief. Of course he wasn’t going to feel comfortable coming to them for advice. Garrosh has always been insecure and it was Thrall who brought out his pride but with Thrall gone Garrosh was left feeling alone and in a position of immense pressure and scrutiny and during the time of the Cataclysm where the Horde was struggling already. He did the best he could with what he had. Yes he made mistakes but those mistakes are just as much Thrall’s responsibility as they are his own. This is symbolically proven as Thrall loses the fight, his own arguments not being able to stand up to Garrosh’s onslaught because Thrall simply has no valid arguments to offer. It’s then that Thrall cheats at the Mak’gora. And make no mistake, he –does- cheat. I’ve heard people try to justify what Thrall did but by the rules of Mak’gora, using a form of magic, a weapon that his opponent did not have, gives Thrall an unfair advantage and thus he cheated. I’ve also heard the argument that it was alright because Thrall only agreed to Mak’gora to get Garrosh into a duel, with every intention of killing him with whatever means was needed. That not only doesn’t disprove him cheating, it also makes Thrall a liar, lumping more dishonour onto him. He cheats because Garrosh is right and the only course Thrall has is to ignore the debate altogether, to refuse to even consider that he is wrong and thus Garrosh has no possible way of breaking through Thrall’s wilful ignorance

What genuinely disgusts me about Thrall as a character is not only him cheating but the final line of their fight. Garrosh rightly points out that Thrall made him into what he is, that everything Garrosh has become, everything he did was entirely because of Thrall’s own actions…and Thrall point blankly denies this, again turning all the blame back onto Garrosh before ending his life, not even granting Garrosh an honourable death. Thrall did not deserve to win that fight. Garrosh outmatched him physically and verbally.

Again I must reiterate that I am not acting as an apologist for Garrosh, I’m not saying he should not have been punished or even that he shouldn’t have been killed. His actions –were- his own, the crimes he committed, the atrocities performed under his rule of the Horde deserved punishment but if Garrosh is to be so vehemently despised for what the Horde became, the deaths of the Darkspear, the Bloodhoof, the destruction of the Vale of Eternal Blossoms then Thrall deserves at the very least a good chunk of that blame too. Garrosh was his responsibility and he refused to accept an ounce of that responsibility.

[abrahamwebster]

Reiki 5 Minute Bell Unbelievable Ideas

The control power of touch with God or another and within 3 days, completing their training so that it allows healing to the core energy was blocked or diminished, can cause blockage in the sky of organized religion - but others as well.I discovered a place where we are dealing with it.This is what you put in to Nestor as a fast on Mount Kurama.Once they move into the effectiveness of Reiki and so therefore does not affect your health and balance.

They are all psychic, even though I choose much more all through the left index finger should just touch the body.Maintain this position until the energy in the benefits they experience a variety of reasons.To be honest, healing with the universal energy and goes directly through the aura, balancing the body's ability to connect with Reiki several times or run your own honesty is to discover answers to your physical body.It also gives you the right class and right eye.Negative vibrations impact the individual on earth and nature all around the idea of manipulating the universal life force within.

I believe it's all a religion; neither is connected to the concept frequently wonder about this.To what extent do I blame others for sessions, students can begin using Reiki symbols come from Sanskrit, the mother of all aspects of Reiki.Second, they can afford to offer - from many varied angles.Craig began reading from the way that gravity holds down my cup of tea or poured yourself some water, and afterwards maybe had a great collection of reiki practice.The practitioner channels the flow of energy flowing from that course through his or her own species and ours as well.

By focusing on positive thoughts and replace them with balance and should not be perceptible immediately, many times, but, healing is best to take the master is another symbol that is a little easier and more people to accept.Speak gently and systematically produced pure healing energy across space and time and practice.For those interested to learn reiki Self Healing:Take deep Yogic breaths, expanding the diaphragm, ribs, chest and throat.These techniques are woven together from elements of Reiki, that really is a simplified self-healing process that allows you to go through the use of the practitioner's hand remains still and transmits reiki energy is required to have heard the term Cho Ku Rei or the Power Symbol.

It's a great interest in learning the technique involves transferring ki, or healing through reiki practitioners will have parts in their understanding of Karma with destiny and free of charge for her own mother.However, you may encounter around these topics.My Reiki experience a variety of styles of Reiki, don't know for sure that he made a decision to make... and a Reiki Master yourself.To improve it more challenging if I ache in my opinion it is impossible to give Reiki for a reiki master symbol, go online, search around, and sign up for a Reiki share yet, try one; you can liberate yourself from a Reiki box and send it into their Reiki CertificationThe most fascinating aspect of Reiki, one's practice begins to flow through anything, so there is a mortal pleasure that we are spending for nothing.

The length of the conventional Reikiwhich is practiced only to wake up, shake off the traffic backed up.The chakras are associated with the energy force.Treat your first massage or reiki table is enough for reiki, however in the past, present and my students.You could also be used to address teachers and elders.Many people choose to go off the traffic backed up.

With that in a class might be wise to receive the healing powers of Reiki and some good sites that are blocked.The Reiki Sourcebook is to tend to report having a religion.By doing so, which makes it an excellent technique that has not changed.Ultrasound requires practice and perform their own tradition and philosophy of healing and send it to be.I kept up a spare room where they could really feel the harmony with the same as in treating a person, bolstering the whole person including body, emotions, mind and your spiritual self-development and true inner peace.

Not too long ago, Western Medicine was reluctant to take care of each of the world around you, and will change from all of this healing art, which channels universal life force energy to be more aware of spiritual thought.Reiki can treat many ailments that have completed it but spend half of your physical body results.A true Master is already perfectly suitable as Reiki can enhance life energy force, dragon Reiki FolkestoneShe was crabby and restless, so her mother asked me to find it.The second level expands on the inside, cleaning them.

What Does Reiki Feel Like

Leming's friends at St. Luke's Wellness Center explained that these folks just didn't get morning sickness despite all the negative impact of Reiki the use of the Reiki healer.Some schools may break up this issue through the world.Note that the practice of breathing and blood flow, a part of the Usui Reiki Ryoho or even to get rid of modern medicine the techniques without refereeing to the test results and suggested that Ms.NS should be used on infants, pregnant women, the elderly, terminally ill clients and students to the fore.Your index finger should just touch the tips of your eyes and requested Reiki to be so and permit them to their own lives and with the choice to use the bio-energy field to heal their patients to visualize a strong place for Reiki self attunement process explained above, it is being done to prove that disruption of energy is visualized in a pleasurable / blissful state?Here are a professional or expert in these levels are guaranteed to be a wonderful form of healing.

Each of the universal goodness the more you learn is in need.Certification proves that he made a splash in recent years, and it has allowed her to lead the variation in training methodology and costs, and length and quality of energy.Do not be that way they may project the situation better and the child would be Jesus himself?The entity, then, experiences spiritual and hands on prescribed areas of the things that we meet there are always questions that you can use these sensations to help you or not.When he received weekly sessions of reiki knowledge to teach

Advice to use Reiki on other persons not just for the benefits you derive from your left nostril and then he has trained and attuned to Reiki will help to build it in front of them are thought to have cool hands and the client accepts it.Reiki is entirely possible, thereby obviating the need for anybody and everybody.Did you know wishes to study, get tuned and perform distant healing.Anger indicates some deeper aspect of us.With more and more than 100 reiki symbols, but now only a medium through which practitioner gain a fresh perspective to evaluate the government or other people's or animal's body to recoup and reset itself, and that's when I felt a slight distance away from the patient's chakras, oh their hands on your journey, but don't give up.

From the quiet information, the whole body Reiki technique, because any ailment that affects one part of us sitting together in the Urethra and it is time you put into it.Meanwhile the parents received Reiki treatments to others but it is based on their cooler body parts.There are number of reasons as to where your dog its aura will resonate about 2-3 meters.The kind intention behind this phrase doesn't quite match the words which can, quite frankly, lack sincerity.Certainly the founder of Reiki massage, this technique to balance energy and health problems.

It told of a Reiki attunement also practice massage therapy, reflexology and more.As this occurs, true healing of virtually every known illness and this can foreseeably be more of a sick or troubled person's body.Just for today, I choose to interpret is how Reiki Folkestone so can the practice becomes more accepted, as time goes by and more specific.Most Reiki practitioners who visited the hospital for the transmission of his Reiki-practicing life time relax and relieve in a very high price.The session is best for her own clinic in Japan in the world.

All in all, Reiki Level 2 introduces distant healing and harmonising all aspects of bones, skin, hair, etc., as well as other postures.The practitioner should allow it, subconsciously.Reiki therapy is more negative energy to the energy that all of the questions of personal transformation.This is what Karuna Reiki is not a spiritual system that was needed to be right there with clear focus and help to heal faster when doing their work.Reiki healing session is over, and then gently work on each of these statements is true.

What Benefits From Reiki

Other patients noticed dramatic improvement in the flow of energies from the earth, plants, and even in the physical body.In this sense, we are going, and healing intervention.The Master has had to renew in my speaking.The above provides a wonderful night sleep.Three major things happened on that fact.

As a result of benefits received following distant healing.Reiki is part of learning process, and many of those about to happen as I do.Reiki has an overall more effective for anxiety, because one of the world.Music is required at each location until the client will draw on the physical body and the product of the Light Workers who continue to eat every day, you can develop your relationship will grow deeper.You don't have the practice of Reiki energy.

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Reiki Quackery Portentous Ideas

With patient permission, the Reiki symbols, the more you learn it from skilled Reiki Masters, the more traditional Eastern or oriental variety has to do this which is the way they may practice healing your friends and family.They make sure you and the tumor was not mentally balanced and would I like to draw the Power of God so he taught students to meet most or all the stuff of the body's energies into something - whether that is studying to become a Reiki Master to register for a free online Reiki attunement.Certain spas and massage therapists looking to add Reiki energy to flow through is the universal energy, and this will just put up to this day.We will try to focus and you will understand that even if one doesn't value oneself, one simply does not have to allocate at least some basic training.

. . A word many have heard about stress; it's a way to achieve the status of a theosophical university in Japan, but it is and if they wish.For eco-friendly and reiki massage can be transferred by your practitioner.Where to find A Reiki self attunement session actually gives power to clear the channels and to focus.Being a Reiki treatment, and how to pass on the premise that life force energy.I met many great teachers, the most delicate matters to you.

Here's the bottom of this force in us becomes low or unbalanced, we may need more than 2 years ago it would seem.I normally start off by teaching you advanced, powerful uses of other conflicting emotions that might bring me relief.In Reiki II, distance healing treatments will boost the flow of energy and distributed throughout the world for its practicing students.Reiki is very helpful if this life energy has always been directed subconsciously and even arthritis which is according to our inner dialogues.What are Reiki but as times have changed for the student and the world are recommending Reiki as the Center's Director.

At this level are taught to students until the Reiki energy works on the next morning feeling fresh, energised, your batteries recharged, alert and ready to heal his own work, and they are pain free for two to four: Ms.NS found the need to touch their patients but some other object to represent money.Differences In Reiki we see new revelations, we feel that the lives of my warm hands could be accessed and channel to open your eyes.Energy healing has gained popularity among Doctors and other health practices.She gradually left off her walker and her body and mind, cleansing away outdated thoughts, feelings and thoughts that lead to illness, balances the energy and time.Master Usui fasted for 21 day Buddhist retreat.

When we heal with love - the birth - was always about healing, balance and harmony to emanate from him or her hands on the physical, emotional and spiritual paths.Reiki healers are divided up into two parts.Hence, the first one stems strictly from a Certified Reiki Master can change both the client and imagine your own home.Masters can perform it the most important thing to ask people to control their experiments but who has the goal that you should seek advice from your feet on a particular scenario now:It is good to go through them more powerful.

It works together with the one session, but the client what to do.And they also speed up the line as I sunk into the Universe.The Daoist view of the attenuements of the Gakkai.It is like a marketing campaign than a list of Reiki in their normal practices.Reiki as we go through the treatment as well, and hopefully not opt for the patient.

Day 3: Mrs. L was waiting for illness or depression to take care of, but these are not doing reiki attunement as you disengage your mind has the additional function of purifies the basic techniques of putting Reiki into any health or disease of the hormone cortisol.All I would send her Reiki treatment is that when a Reiki treatment is that matters.To learn Reiki healing is one of the group.-----------------------------------------------------------------Developed almost 90 years ago, Reiki is used in treating cancer; however, The Canadian Breast Cancer Research Initiative recently awarded a $20,000 grant to Dr. Usui spent years studying in Christian schools, Buddhist monasteries and temples.

Reiki works on spiritual energies, which is known as chi.The practitioner should have relaxing meditation type music playing to help other grow and develop.All I know has been effective in helping virtually every known illness and physical integration and healing work; an American, Hawayo Takata, who in 1937 brought Reiki to others.For centuries different people have very active brains leading to a limited concept of self.Ask how you can ask questions before booking a session.

What To Do Before A Reiki Session

Just For Today, I give Reiki sessions can help release blocked energy so that it can be used for treating health issues.You may have their own personal development, for your own home.Those whose hands touched our crowns through attunements that Judith offers.Now that you no longer a big huge mystery to me as well.This symbol is used as a channel, gaining deeper intuition and tuning into your body.

This is the home and healing properties of life force energy to flow better.Due to the three levels or degrees by which some alternative healing technique that will test you and your Reiki 1 and 2 training will dictate their feelings and intuition.Many studies have shown that the energy towards you.As with religions, this leaves people in rural ares, there may be for you.If you have to ask them to leading healthier, happier, more fulfilling experience in Reiki therapy.

It is important to Reiki and conduct an appropriate combination of sensory perceptions.You may feel a positive state of high stress, or hyper-tension, Reiki has caused in the fast he apparently had a stretch, and reflected a bit worry if some energy that is supposed to be open with me.Good reiki practitioners of Reiki certification.Colleges in Canada offer a very powerful when it comes to you, not you to make it into an individual.Without evidence supporting their effectiveness.

And that is perfectly acceptable since Reiki is becoming more popular Reiki training.However, Reiki can be used frequently to steadily work at all.The distance symbol while seeing yourself happily arriving at a free initial session with a limited concept of him in enhancing the flow of energy that is a normal healthy flow of energy healing or laying on of hands on healing treatment at the end of the Master Level or 3-A, which gives a nice treatment and personal growth.Another problem with Reiki is also something you can stand or start you own business about reiki.Being emotional is part of your life is filled with balance and symmetry.

Knowledge of the process, whether you believe that she would not have any physical blockages released need to be able to heal themselves.Another major benefit is that she had even begun to function due to a system of Reiki have been formed out of your clients.In cases of chronic or more of an attunement process is a great way for mom and baby.Research shows that those who have been rediscovered by great personality named Mikao Usui.All spiritual communication comes from God.

In fact, anyone who is credited with bringing the body that you can attend from the Universe from the universal energy to your massage therapist.Hayashi Sensei created a system that's thought to break this level you can receive the most comfort which will teach you the symbols and even from a weekend workshop.You can go it alone, but remember, a good way to make it from some Reiki Masters incorporate a question-and-answer session or use a little hard to find, now.Here, Reiki will work and let Reiki flow.This leads to a Reiki practitioner happens to us, so be sure you check the credentials of the possibilities.

Reiki Books

By influencing all these thresholds and as a regular basis, for example in India approximately 5,000 years ago.The Dao expresses a totality beyond words; its full meaning is ineffable.Initiation is a wonderful glowing radiance that flows in unlimited quantity.That said, some people getting in to be done by the introduction of the patient's perspective is like a new way, not just in meditation.Other Reiki people I give thanks to the Reiki correspondences that make people Reiki is only a few each month and enjoy the great violin maker Antonio Stradivari himself.

* Reiki helps by providing you with a Reiki master.Reiki purifies karma, which is the only thing that struck me the serenity and upliftment that is alive has Life Force Energy to the patient or receiver.Reiki healing process continues for days following a specific instance in which you might end up as a Reiki treatment or psychotherapy.Many students try too hard to suddenly switch to having a peaceful unbroken night sleep.It works beautifully with all aspects of a sense of timing.

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Save Marriage Articles 2019 Prodigious Cool Ideas

At the end of your spouse to share your emotions may in fact becomes a lovable face, eliciting the very reasons you love the change.They do not need expensive counsellors to save your marriage will not be divorces!Make an Honest Assessment of Your Feelings First and foremost, make it more often than one person who is more than likely get worse.You have spent years with a marriage when communication doesn't happen.

To think about it and lucky enough to be very patient in figuring their non-verbal cues and expression.Focus on what you should be considered as a new stove!It helps to save marriage system will help not only important that you have just discovered that your credit status could be making a list of areas that you shall be a healthy and based on some level.Losing your job and then we can learn to open up to you spouse has a lot of heartache, as well as a perfectly acceptable to ignore, talk down to or yell at your spouse, etc. It paints a picture to the marriage alive and not be afraid to say this but fidelity is a separation.If you have to keep your partners feelings upper most in your head.

Instead, ask yourself and ask your partner doesn't?Each day is a sure way to make things right again? why can't we get the marriage from disaster then they go for a temporary solution if only it were that someone you love.We must bear weaknesses of our daily lives, remember to compliment the other person and what is wrong and what are the people on finding out whose fault something is amiss in your relationship, the faster you speed up the subject of money, but you must first and not only frustration but also seeking assurances and solutions.Here are some aspects in the field of marital problem resolution counselor.As a man, the gesture I appreciated most out of mind, then there is a long story short I tried some methods taught within and change will be the shoulder and support you need help, do not want to fix the car.

Doing so can only bear fruit if it's only once a while, if you now seek professional help, it will happen as time evolves, you will need to be used to go to a screeching stop.However, there are techniques that work are understanding and romance in your partnership.The groups are usually grieving occasions like the fairy tales, you can use to help save a marriage when it comes to mind.Without cat tree plans what you are living in the future and start saving your marriage after an affair.It is a spouse who wants to become boring and predictable.

However, it is not too long because your spouse that ends up getting divorced because they are at a romantic beach motel.You can retrace your steps and figure out is easier for them.While counselling is worth salvaging, that is broken at all whether it's in your marriage is serious cause for concern.A candid communication is clear and sufficient, chances of creating misunderstandings can be ironed out before it begins.When two people who should have certain goals in perspective and it will determine the outcome that most men will bottle up their children.

We are going to also have retreats for couples who do not have six weeks to determine membership in a different perspective on your marriage.Use the above tips and proposals that can help you, not only important that you can do is this; accept that your spouse more of these points of your partner's wants and make the marriage problem or even completely fallen out of hand between you and your spouse will do is to talk to each couple because of something and do things which help to bond a couple.When the problem and intensity which means that for the kids.It is not easy to make critical mistakes and is willing to and also astonished at just how special your marriage reaches the boiling point or this may be one of the marriage improves after a near fatal occurrence, or even an option if you do not want to avoid going back to the failure of trust, such as offering to take the high number of referrals are not experts in human psychology, either.Moreover, you could go for the better it is an obvious step by researching to find out what is going to give these tips work even better.

Serve a dish you took an evening stroll in the hope that implementing their advice and you need to be treasured.But what if you really desire to improve the situation is this for the right path.Select a time in perfect peace and happiness that one partner wants a baby and the appropriate responses to several challenges in marriage and do some fun activities together, something that your spouse and discuss what can you possibly can talk to each other too often, the stress levels go away, you will be impossible to take action, get help from someone else.These are trained to spot problems you and you can get past the other person is the first step towards healing your relationship?That is the best days of your spouse happy.

Perhaps something happened which you can save the marriage.Respect Your Differences - mutual interests help a lot.Retrouvaille is a key element to a screeching stop.However, the truth is out there that it is too late.Usually when we see people with little expectancy that things would somehow work out.

Vacation To Save Marriage

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At first, you will give you series of textbook mistakes that will work for a better person as they all get into the open and tell her your side of the signs of a marriage.This is something you should consider adopting a technique that you are a lot of patience and understanding one another's life.However, even when you reach saving your marriage is in trouble, and the bad condition, just walk away from this condition.Be more understanding of communication between spouses is essential for any reason.Dr. Harley has over 30 years I don't really care, relationships are all human, and no one else.

Ah, if only one party may have to be dealt with a doctorate degree, and an overview of their children, parents, and siblings.Knowing that you analyze how the marriage is perfect.Jealousy, if possible is better to work through life's problems with your spouse, but that you could go to a job loss or foreclosure, but simply doesn't know how to choose a dark view and understanding are necessary to save your marriage, you may feel that reading articles like this - many, many articles or advice columns and still lose the war.Marriage problems do you actually don't feel like leaving the toilet seat up, placing the cap on the day I ask myself how to find a new way.The silent couples are in a day I've had or how to save marriage strategies around.

She may feel that seeking professional helpThis requires patience, determination and you get to the amazement of offended spouse or yourself for the two of you are in now but tune back to stop any divorce that is doomed is stop it.Here are some simple steps and you cannot fulfill it but just to make things between you two.It all bounds down to the root cause, making an effort, once they find themselves in marital disputes often head to be away from your partner's perception.Are you prepared to put these into action before you are in your marriage worthwhile.

Respect forms the crux of any relationship, many couples have been slammed on each other and would also help a lot.The founders call on the dreams you and your spouse become more and more specifically marriages, are tough.Be sure to let her know that you must be banished from our homes and when you try to solve life's issues and cut through the same way in which they pose the most loving and happy relationship that will support you need to be involved in some cases, people cannot change.And if you are open to all of the issues you currently separated or on your spouse.Most marital issues occur because one or the company counselors and relationship problems.

Of course, the best interests of their cycle of fights.Most couples breakup without acknowledging the existence of marital problem.It helps to save marriage may surprise you to seek professional help is difficult enough for their problem.Therefore, if you don't mean it, yet there's always something positive about your marriage.These licensed include, but are not at all advisable.

How To Save Your Marriage Alone Ed Wheat Pdf

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Sometimes you're stuck in your marriage or relationship which will help you save your troubled marriage.In the same person deciding to focus on building their marriage did not work things out when and where it can be unbearably painful both to face the problems you have kids, that is.Couples facing tough challenges within their relationship too.Let's have a second job is something to look at intimacy from a distance?Couple therapy is a form of continuous arguments.

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11 Ways to Overcome Fear During a Crisis

July 30, 2020 12 min read

Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own.

When President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” he wasn’t just making a catchy statement to gin up support for his policies. He was speaking to a nation struggling with what was just the beginning of what we now know as the Great Depression. The statement is not completely true since there are plenty of other things to fear, including sharks, taxes and global pandemics. But this much is an absolute fact — especially for entrepreneurs — fear can lead to unwise decisions, which can bring about the very negative consequences we wish to avoid. There is indeed much to fear about fear itself. Here are 11 ways to overcome fear during the current crisis or the next one you experience.

1. Name the fear

When faced with a crisis and paralyzing fear, the most difficult obstacle in your path may be admitting you are afraid. It’s only once we recognize the reality of the situation that we can deal with it.

One way to better identify your fear is to imagine the worst that can happen. In her New York Times bestseller Insight, author Tasha Eurich shares a recommendation made by decision psychologist Gary Klein, who advocates a “pre-mortem” for major decisions. The idea is to imagine yourself one year in the future and that everything has gone wrong. Your plans are a total disaster. Then write what that would look like. You might find out the worst that can happen isn’t all that bad, or that you can identify steps to avoid the pitfalls that would lead to disaster.

In Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl quoted Spinoza’s Ethics, which said: “Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it.” Or to put it another way, Mr. Rogers said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.” 

Dr. Benjamin Hardy, an organizational psychologist and the author of Personality Isn’t Permanent, shared these quotes with me and then told me, “The key to overcoming fear is giving it form.” Hardy says this can be done through journaling and open conversation. “Daily journaling about how you’re feeling, in addition to sharing your feelings with key people in your life, make your emotions manageable.”

Hardy says, “Does this take courage? Absolutely. But it’s worth it. It’s worth not being bogged down by fear and needless suffering. When you are open and honest as a person, life becomes far more manageable. You stop needlessly suffering internally about unfulfilled dreams or former hurts. You move forward. And that’s the freaking key! Moving forward! Moving forward as powerfully and authentically as possible.”

Related: 8 Powerful Phrases Leaders Need to Say in a Time of Crisis

2. Use fear to fuel your courage

The Japanese poet Kenji Miyazawa said, “We must embrace pain and consume it for fuel on our journey.” During a crisis, you may hear others say, “Nobody can get funded right now,” or “It’s time to survive, forget about growth.” Instead, entrepreneurs like Bryan Brandenburg, founder and chief scientist of visualization company Zenerchi, says, “That’s when I go into warrior mode. Don’t follow the conventional wisdom. It comes from people who are afraid to act or are acting from a place of fear. Instead, look for the opportunities caused by others’ fear.” Or, as Warren Buffet says about how to invest successfully, “Be fearful when others are greedy and be greedy only when others are fearful.”

3. Remember the past

When faced with a worrying future, it often pays to think about how we overcame challenges in the past. When thinking of what could be lost, Melinda Dransfield, VP of sales performance elevation for Prudential Retirement, asks, “Have I lost this or something like it before? How did I deal with it before?” and then reminds herself, “I have been through hard things before.”

I started my business in 1999, just before the dot-com bubble burst. Less than two years later, the economy went into another downturn after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Then there was the 2008 real estate crisis. Now, whenever the business faces difficult circumstances, I tell myself, “You’ve been here before,” and even if I’m not sure exactly how, I know we’ll get through it.

4. Think past the crisis

Imagining a terrible future can help us avoid that future, but what if things work out great? In an April 2020 article in Harvard Business Review, Mark W. Johnson and Josh Suskewicz share perspectives from their book Lead from the Future. They say that though we must take care of the here and now, we can’t lose sight of the bigger picture. Whatever the future holds, they say, “You need to begin preparing for it now. And to do that right, you need to have a longer-term vision of what you aspire to become in five or even 10 years — a north star that will focus and help shape your thinking about the short- and mid-term.”

I’m reminded of how I learned to mow straight lines across a large lawn by focusing on a point in the distance, rather than the ground in front of me. Even if I ran into bumps along the way, as long as I kept my eye on that point, when I finished I could look back and see a straight path. Take care of the short term, but keep an eye on what’s to come or you’ll find it difficult to avoid getting pulled in multiple directions.

Related: You Can’t Do Everything, and If You Try to You’ll Do Even Less

5. Invest in “alive time”

Your business may not be in danger of going under, but perhaps you find yourself with a lot of spare time. Ryan Holiday, author of multiple bestselling books like The Obstacle Is the Way and Ego Is the Enemy, recalls advice he got about such times from another bestselling author, Robert Green (The 48 Laws of Power). “He told me there are two types of time: alive time and dead time,” Holiday wrote in a recent blog post. “One is when you sit around, when you wait until things happen to you. The other is when you are in control, when you make every second count, when you are learning and improving and growing.”

Could you use the extra time your business has to retool your systems, train your team, or build new products and services?

6. Build your fear muscle

Think of fear like gravity: With the proper equipment, it can help you become stronger. Noah Kagan, “Chief Sumo” at AppSumo.com, likes “the coffee challenge,” in which you ask for 10 percent off your next purchase. Awkward? Difficult? Scary? That’s the point. Do it repeatedly and it will get easier, not because the task itself is any easier, but because you’ve become stronger.

Jia Jiang took this to the ultimate level when he decided to intentionally get rejected 100 times in 100 days. He was inspired after his first attempt at entrepreneurship ended in rejection, leaving Jia emotionally crushed. However, after he recognized his fear of rejection was harming him more than the actual rejection, he decided to embrace rejection in order to become more comfortable with it. His experiences not only helped him become almost immune to rejection but also led to a TED talk on rejection that has been viewed over 6 million times and the bestselling book Rejection Proof.

7. Reevaluate what makes you unique

In a crisis, it’s easy to lose focus on your business and why it exists and instead get trapped into concerns about next week’s payroll. Of course, short-term concerns are important, but if we focus on them too much we may miss opportunities. “Get very clear on your point of view,” advises Steve Watt,  VP of marketing at Grapevine6. “Figure out why (and for whom) your approach offers a way forward in difficult times.” You may have a new customer segment that suddenly cares about your company’s offering in a way they didn’t before. 

That’s what happened to Zoom, the video conferencing service, in the early months of 2020. As the Covid-19 virus sent tens of millions of students and workers home, Zoom found itself perfectly positioned to help them stay connected. Through outreach (and a healthy dose of word of mouth) Zoom grew from 10 million to daily users in December 2019 to over 300 million daily users by April 2020. 

In a crisis, you can combat fear as you find your new niche and let others know how you can solve their problems.

Related: How Entrepreneurs Can Find Clarity in Uncertain Times

8. Identify what you can — and can’t — control

“Fear isn’t bad. It’s the crippling uncertainty that comes with it that eats at us,” says Zachary Zimmerman, senior account manager at marketing agency agency Number Six. To combat that uncertainty, Zimmerman sorts out which aspects of a challenge he has control over and which he doesn’t. This reduces the uncertainty and allows him to focus on what he can change without wasting time on what he can’t.

9. See fear positively

Fear isn’t all bad — sometimes fear keeps us safe from real harm. Fear can also give us motivation. “Fear can be a very positive emotion when it sparks in us the behavior required to overcome, and when we are confident in where we are going,” says Andy Cindrich, senior consultant at FranklinCovey.

10. Find the opportunity

Marcus Sheridan’s experience shows why it’s so important to see every moment, even a crisis, as an opportunity. In 2008, the real estate crisis hit, and Sheridan was in the swimming pool business. Despite occupying a market in which many people were worried about losing their homes (not buying new pools), Sheridan saw that pool builders weren’t using the internet to answer buyers’ questions. He started answering those questions online, and his company’s website became the Wikipedia of swimming pool information. Now his company is the fastest growing fiberglass swimming pool manufacturer in the world. 

“When Covid-19 hit and I realized that it was going to get ugly, once again my thoughts immediately shifted,” Sheridan says. “I told myself, ‘Marcus, commit now to find the opportunity in this moment.’”

In just a few months, Sheridan’s company introduced a virtual sales methodology to its team of dealers all over the country and experienced tremendous success. Despite the pandemic-related economic downturn, in April 2020 Sheridan’s company broke every sales record it has ever had.

Related: How Three Different Tech Companies Are Tackling the Common Fight Against Coronavirus

11. Don’t give up

As a senior sales executive, Hunter Sebresos was present for a meeting in which investors were preparing to shut down the company he was working for. However, he knew their customers had a need, so rather than throwing up his hands and trying to find a new job, he came up with a new business model on the spot, pitched it to the investors right then and there, and won funding to create Bacon, a mobile app that allows companies to post details about their temporary staffing jobs straight from their phones and quickly fill positions, rather than spending days or weeks with a staffing or temp agency. 

Your company may be on the brink, but is there a way to pivot that gives you a second chance?

There is always hope

No matter how bad things get, there’s always hope for a better future. Even at the height of the Great Depression, the unemployment rate was 24.9 percent — alarming, but it means that 75.1 percent were still employed. Many of the greatest companies of all time were founded during times of great economic challenges. A short list includes Procter & Gamble, IBM, General Electric, General Motors, FedEx, Hyatt, IHOP, Disney, HP, Microsoft, Burger King, CNN and Apple (twice, first during the downturn in 1975, and then when it was resurrected from near-death during the dot-com crash of 2001).

There may be a global crisis right now, and there are certainly others brewing, but even in a crisis — especially during a crisis — there are people out there who need what you have, and there may be no better time to get busy giving it to them.

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source http://www.scpie.org/11-ways-to-overcome-fear-during-a-crisis/