#to be fair both sides said stupid rude shit

[jitterbugjive]

i've been thinking about this all day since I witnessed it

dude: "I think people are smart because they are smart, not because they are autistic. No mental disability should be claimed to be responsible for making a person smarter because that is stereotyping the condition and it's simply not true. The stereotype of the savant autistic person is counter-productive because it's rare in autism and people need to stop assuming intelligence means autism." other dude: "That is rude and ableist of you to say autistic people can't be smart"

dude: that's not what I was saying at all you fucking dingbat

other dude: WOW I'M AUTISTIC AND NOT UNDERSTANDING WHAT PEOPLE SAY IS AN AUTISM THING AND YOU ARE ABLEIST FOR NOT REALIZING THAT ABOUT ME AND NOT HOLDING MY HAND THROUGH WHAT YOU SAID

Look, I've learned as a rule of thumb NOT to interoperate everything people say in bad faith unless it's absolutely blatantly obvious they're being a shitheel, because believe it or not most people aren't trying to open themselves up to attack for saying something shitty. Most of the time, they just said something stupid without thinking and it's not meant to be harmful.

[kitthepurplepotato]

Week 10 - Now or Never

(Season 1 ending)

Summary: This awkwardness needs to end. You can’t really make it worse so you might as well just go for it.

How will Izuku react to your random outburst?

Warnings: Swear words

First Chapter Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

This is risky fucking business.

This whole idea feels like a stupid game where you have 300 different options with 300 different endings with no hints towards what’s right or wrong. It also doesn’t help that there is a poor girl trying to sleep in your bedroom so yelling Izuku’s face off in a loving way isn’t an option.

To be fair, you kinda know what you want to do and if it’s doesn’t work then shit, it can’t get worse, can it?

You tried to go with the flow; that ended up with you kissing Izuku on his sofa for an hour; long story short, it was a fail.

You tried to be nice and understanding towards Izuku’s feelings and let him keep his distance, which ended with you two being awkward and miserable because you have no idea how to be “buddies” anymore. So, that also failed.

This is why…

You chose violence.

“Midoriya fucking Izuku.” You yell-whisper into the dark room and he jumps up to a sitting position like a frightened little bunny.

“What have I done.” Midoriya mumbles and you really try your best to not smile at his terrified face illuminated by the soft moonlight.

“The fuck is this.” You throw a few of your old notes into the poor guy’s face. “And this.” You put the frame down at the coffee table nicely. “And this.” You pull out the little polaroid from your pajama pockets.

“Stop hanging out with Kacchan…” Midoriya whimpers in a high voice and it’s so fucking comedic you really want to laugh.

“Kacchan has nothing to do with this. I am done, Izuku. Why are we doing this? Why are you sleeping on the fucking sofa when there is a bed big enough for us both in your room, huh? Huh?”

Midoriya blinks twice, utterly confused; and to be honest, so are you, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“I can’t keep doing this to you, it’s wrong…”

“What’s wrong?!” You yell-whisper again, jumping into his mumble. He’s frozen in one place like a deer in the headlights, not really ready for the emotional roller coaster but he takes it anyway, because he’s a good fucking boy.

“It means different to me than it does to you! And I can’t loose you because of this!” Midoriya’s voice is way louder than a whisper by the end of his sentence, but none of you really care at this point; you are quite sure your angry stomping woke Melissa up already anyway.

“That’s what I thought as well. That we don’t feel the same. But I’m 99% sure I was wrong about that.” You mumble and Izuku looks at you with a confused face.

“What?”

“Midoriya Izuku, I’m my own person and my feelings are mine and mine only, so don’t try to guess and give me feelings I don’t have without asking me about them.”

“I didn’t mean to do any of that, Y/N, I…” Izuku’s hands reach out towards you but he pulls them back to his side after a few awkward seconds.

“You see, this is what I’m done with.” You point at him. “You called me Sweet Pea every single day for two months, my own name feels foreign from your lips. It feels rude. You stopped reaching out to me, you pushed me away, and for what? To save our friendship? Izuku, look into my eyes and tell me you are happy now.”

Midoriya doesn’t look into your eyes and doesn’t say a word. “That’s what I thought.” You grumble. “But there is something you seem to forget, Izuku.” He looks up at that, his face still terrified. “I don’t need to take this. I don’t need to give in. If you carve our relationship the way it feels right, then I can do the same. You can’t tell me what to do and what not. With that said…”

This is it. This is fucking it.

You can’t back down now.

It only takes you four steps and one aggressive collar-grab to pull Izuku close and another smaller pull to slot your lips together with his. Izuku makes a small stuttering noise but his lips don’t move, so you take the initiative this time; your lips start to move frantically as you try your best to convey all your frustration and love into one short but heavy kiss. Izuku stays frozen in place and your resolve wavers from the lack of response, so you jerk back, already hating yourself for doing that to him; he’s tired and there is a guest in your room, the timing is off, everything is wrong, this was a terrible idea…

“Okay, m-maybe that was a bit too far, consent and all, I’m so…” You start to mumble, ready to fall on your knees and beg for forgiveness but you don’t have time for that as Izuku suddenly reaches out and pulls you forward by grabbing your neck, your body falling into his lap with the motion. He doesn’t waste a single second; his lips find yours in the middle of your messy fall, his kiss deep and nothing like the small pecks you got a week ago; it’s hot and heavy, full of emotions he can’t convey otherwise, full of words he can’t say out loud; his whole body shakes as he pulls you even closer, his hand grabbing the back of your T-shirt as though he’s terrified you’ll run away, while his other one pulls on the back of your hair in a heated but loving way; the first few kisses are hot and wet, there are tears on both of your faces but none of you care to notice it in the heat of the moment. Izuku sucks on your bottom lips and you open you mouth in surprise; he invites himself in, his tongue slowly mapping out every single crevice as he joins yours in a slow dance; you whimper into his mouth, hot all over, but even in the scorching heat, Izuku is careful and attentive, passionate but kind, and it’s so endearing to feel him holding himself back as he pushes you away to take a deep breath, his eyes dark like the night sky as he stares into your soul.

The room is silent; none of you really know what to say or where to go from here; you sit down on the armrest while Izuku pulls his legs up and hugs them close, then hides his face between his knees to take a few more deep breaths.

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll come to bed, okay?” He mumbles between two heavy pants.

“Uhm, y-yeah. That’s a g-good idea. See you there then.” You mumble awkwardly while you try your best to not freak out in front of him.

You started this. If you back down now, it was all for nothing and that’s not an option; not after the scorching hot kiss you just got offered in exchange.

~•🥦•~

“Can I come in?” Izuku knocks gently on the door, even though he’s halfway in already; you can’t see his face in the dark but you are quite sure he has a shy, suggestive smile on his lips as he does that.

“It’s funny how you never knock on my door but you do on your own.” You retort, trying to ease the sudden tension with a good joke; because damn, there is something in the air, let me tell you.

You have no idea what’s going on right now, to be honest. Was that kiss enough for him to understand you want to be his and his only? Are you dating now? Or are you… exploring? Are you roommates who officially kiss sometimes?

You should have been more clear about your intentions. Okay, Izuku isn’t a person who would be into the whole “friends with benefits” thing but still…

“You did tell me I tend to have the orders wrong, so…maybe it’s a personality trait?” Izu giggles while reminiscing about his drunk shenanigans in the forest.

“Well yeah, I’m sorry to be disappointing, but I’m more the ‘court me, love me then wash my back in the river, naked’ kinda gal.” You snicker as he sneaks closer to the bed.

“I’ll try to remember that, Sweet Pea.”

… and fuck, hearing your nickname from his lips again does some things to your heart.

“You better do, Izu-Izu.” You mumble as he crawls under the comforter with you. He doesn’t come close yet; he lays on his back first then changes his mind and turns over to you while he shamelessly stares at your face illuminated by the moonlight.

“I remember the first night when I came back and you were sleeping on the table. You were so beautiful.” Izuku sighs. “I thought I only feel this way about you because I’ve never shared a flat with a woman before. I forced my feelings down to not make it weird, but they bubbled up, time to time, and by the time I realized I’m going overboard, there was no way back; it was all over for me when I felt you in my arms for the first time. I knew I will never be able to let you go, even if it’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.” Izuku’s hand snakes towards you until he finds your hand under the covers; his thumb caresses your palms while he mutters into the sheets.

“I thought I’m just being a fangirl and I tried so hard to keep it that way. It took me forever to realize I don’t see you as pro hero Deku anymore and it was so painful when I did.” You mutter back.

“Why?” Izuku asks and you can’t help but laugh.

“Because there was no way in hell you would ever look at me any other way, Izu. At least I thought you wouldn’t. Pro hero Deku was already my dream guy but somehow, Izuku… was even better, even more unreachable. Because Izuku is perfect in every single way and I’m just me. I thought this Izuku guy deserves the world but I’m just a piece of sand on the beach.” You sigh into the small space between you two.

Izuku stays silent for a few moments.

“So you didn’t realize you were his world all along?” He whispers, his hands moving towards your middle to pull you close. Your heart makes a somersault in your chest.

“It had not cross my mind.” You smile with tears pooling in your eyes.

“This Izuku guy needs to get his shit together and show you then.” He smiles, his eyes just as wet as yours.

“Can he start with a good night kiss?” You ask cheekily.

“He certainly can.” Izuku answers with a mischievous smile on his face as he closes the distance between you two and pushes forward for a slow, deep kiss. Your bodies slot into each other perfectly, not a single millimeter left between you two as he pulls you closer and closer with every single, lazy kiss until the sun peeks through the window.

The poor boy will have a hard time waking up tomorrow morning, that’s for sure; but nothing in the whole wide world can ruin the giddy happiness you both feel as you snuggle into the other with lips puffy, red and tingly from all the kissing, bodies warm and comfortable under the featherlight cover as you take in the other’s scent, knowing this is what you will fall asleep to every single day for the rest of your lives.

The End…?!

…

“Sweet Pea, wake up.” A pleasant voice chirps into your ears, but it’s way too early and it’s so nice and warm in Izuku’s embrace…

“Fuck no, go away.” You grumble at the pleasant voice, pushing yourself deeper into Izuku’s chest to hide your ears from the annoying chirp.

“Fuck yes, you are suffering with me today, love.” Izuku giggles, leaving small kisses on your cheeks and forehead to wake you up.

“5 more minutes?” You whine but the boy is ruthless; his arms disappear from around you and it’s suddenly so cold and the bed isn’t as comfortable as it was a few seconds ago… “You are so mean!”

Izuku doesn’t answer for a while but you can hear the rustle of his costume as he changes. You really have the urge to peek, but you decide to behave yourself; you’ll be able to peek whenever you want in the near future, there is no reason to rush it. One thing at a time.

“You might wanna take a shower and brush your hair before I introduce you to my team. Sleepy Sweet Pea is my favorite Sweet Pea, but I would rather keep this look for myself, if you don’t mind me being a little bit selfish.” Izuku sits back, his fingers playing with your frizzy hair. It takes you a few seconds to understand the implications of the sentence, but when you do, you jump up as though someone just electrocuted you.

“WHAT?!”

“We are going to my agency. I’ll give you a complete tour. Then we will sneak into Kacchan’s agency to say hi.” Izuku fakes nonchalance but you can see the mischievous smile hiding behind his hands.

“OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO PRO HERO DEKU’S AGENCY OH MY GOD.” You jump into the greenette’s lap with zero shame. He giggles like a high school boy. You fucking love that giggle.

“You are literally in pro hero Deku’s lap right now, Sweets.” Midoriya comments with an incredulous look.

“Shut up Izuku and let me geek out!” You yell into the silence; Izuku winces from the loudness as it hits his sensitive ears but he can’t help the happy laugh bubbling up his chest.

“You haven’t changed at all.”

“Nope.” You grin as you jump off his lap to start to get ready. “Oh my god, okay, I need to shower, brush my hair, straighten it, put on some make up…” You start to mumble as you start running around in Izuku’s room in a frenzy. “This is not my room, fuck.” You giggle awkwardly as you look down at the random Deku hoodie you took out of his dresser by accident.

“You can wear that if you want.” Izuku winks and you are just about to become a blushing mess when a new voice joins the conversation.

“Come on, lovebirds, Mei’s plane arrives in an hour!” Melissa giggles outside.

“Oh fuck.” You laugh at your own shenanigans and make your way towards the main bathroom, but not before you leave a small, closed mouthed kiss on Izuku’s lips. “I’ll be ready in 10.”

“Minutes or hours?” Izuku retorts with his whole face red as a tomato; kissing in broad daylight is a new thing for you both.

“Oi, shut up, Mr. IWakeUpLookingPerfectAfter3HoursSleep.” You mumble under your breath as you sprint out of his room.

You don’t think you’ve ever been this happy in your whole life and fuck, it’s only going to get better from now on!

You can’t wait to tell Jirou about this and hug the shit out of her for forcing you to take a leap of faith and move in with a stranger.

You’ve definitely made the best decision of your life on that dreadful afternoon.

Click here for season 2!

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Potato ramble:

- I can’t believe we are done with Season 1! I want to cry 😢 I hope you liked the “ending”. Obviously this story is far from being done hence why it might not feel like an actual ending. I have so many ideas and I really hope you guys will stay for season two!

- There will be a break next week then we are back in business! I already finished the new header so take a look!

- I want to thank you guys for all your comments and likes on this one, it was so much fun to read them all and I absolutely loved answering your questions about the story!

- Season 2 might have some other ships mentioned as well, I hope that’s fine! I’m also working on a Kirishima x Bakugou extra as I’m quite sure you guys already had a feeling there is something going on with those two in the background 😂

- Season two will be slightly more suggestive but in case I decide to go further than that I’ll make it a separate chapter and make sure you guys know it’s 18+, but I haven’t decided yet so feel free to tell me your thoughts! (It won’t be as suggestive as the S2 of my Bakugou story, Izuku isn’t that kinda guy. 😂)

- See you guys in two weeks, I love you all! 💕

TL: @porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @kastuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @ronimacaroni77 @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @norvacaine

[ynbabe]

Lockwood & Co. X Fem!Reader:- Incorrect quotes pt.3

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword* George: Rude. Y/n: That's fair. Anthony: Not again. Lucy: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it? 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as Y/n? Anthony: Have you ever played a game with Y/n? Lucy: No… Anthony: Have you ever been trapped in a tomb with a Type 3? *Meanwhile, on the other side of the field* Y/n, chasing George: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: So Y/n was just using me? Lucy, new to the Anthony-Y/n bullshit: I’m sorry, Anthony. George, trying to contain his sarcasm: You must feel pretty stupid right now. Anthony: Lucy, slightly concerned, reaching for the tea: Ok, that’s a time-out. George: No, you don't know the story, it's funny- Lucy: Go sit over there! George: *walks away in defeat*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. Lucy: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. Anthony: A realist sees a freight train. George: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I want to kiss you. Anthony, not paying attention: What? Y/n: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Where the devil is Y/n? Lucy: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe she melted? George: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy, finally getting along with Y/n: You guys worried about Y/n? George, concerned for both his friends but loving the fun: Totally. Anthony, after a fight with Y/n: Yeah, she called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Lucy: And what'd you say? Anthony: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." George: Lucy: She's lucky to have you as a boyfriend.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Y/n: Strong. Lucy: Weak. George: An idiot, is what you are.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Are you ready to commit? Y/n, on the run in 26 countries: Like, a crime or a relationship?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out! Anthony, ready to do both: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way? Y/n, wants both: I don't know, surprise me!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Anthony: Wow. They sound stupid. Y/n: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Anthony: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Y/n: I guess you’re right. Hey Anthony, I love you. Anthony: See! Just say that! Y/n: Holy fucking shit. Anthony: If that flies over their head then, sorry Y/n, but they're too dumb for you. Y/n: Anthony.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n, throwing her head into Anthony's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Anthony, lovingly stroking her hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n on their second time meeting: *angrily presses Anthony against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Anthony: ... Anthony, messed up a little: Are we about to kiss-

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

George: Why don’t you go talk to her? That's why I introduced the two of you. Anthony, sarcastically: Oh. Yeah, sure. George: What? So you tell her she's cute, what’s the worst that could happen? Anthony: She could hear me.

[thenasoneshots]

Lee Oneshot - "Get Away From My Sister!"

Requested?: No

Prompt: None

Type of oneshot: ig fluff?

Timing: Modern AU

Reader's Relations: John’s Sister (who is also best friends with the Schuylers)

Warnings: None? (John being a very protective older brother)

Other notes: This includes Elams shipping (because I ship it. Don’t judge me)

------------------------------

“So…. have you got a date to prom yet, (Y/n)?”

I shook my head, trying to ignore my face turning red, “I already told you several times, Peggy; No. I don’t, and I don’t think anyone will ask me. No one is going to when John’s staring over my shoulder at the guy.” I lied, knowing that none of my friends, and especially John, would disapprove of who I’d said I was going with… The truth was that I’d been dating Charles Lee for the past few months behind my brother’s back, knowing that the two of them didn’t get along, well that was an understatement, John hated Charles after he’d said something rude to Mr Washington’s face, but in my opinion, he was just a little bean who needed love. Before any of the three sisters could reply, my phone pinged. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked to see a message from John, causing me to roll my eyes, ‘You got a date yet?’

I just scoffed and looked up to where John and his friends were sitting at a table on the other side of the lunch hall, seeing him smiling at me. I rolled my eyes again and returned to my phone, ‘Yes. At least I’m doing better than you. Tell Alex now, or I’ll do it for you.’

I could see the colour draining from his face as I stood up on the table (It was attached to the floor, the reader is perfectly safe up on it), “HEY ALEX!”

At that point, I now have everyone’s eyes on me and I smirked, “JOHN’S GOT A MASSIVE CRUSH ON YOU!” I jumped off the table after taking a quick look at both boys’ bright red faces, and grabbed my phone, dashing out of the lunch hall, knowing I was going to get an earful when we got home. I ran down the hall, wanting to get to my next class, knowing the teacher would let me sit in the classroom, as long as I was quiet, which I normally was. However, I bumped into someone, “Hey, watch where- Hi, (Y/n).”

“Hi, Charles,” I replied, pecking his lips before pulling him along with me to our English classroom and knocking on the door. Once I was allowed entry, I opened the door and pulled Charles in with me.

“Hello, (Y/n). I take it you want to spend the rest of your lunch in here?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I hope that’s okay. I just don’t want to face my brother right now.”

“Fair enough. I won’t impose and ask why, as long as you two are quiet.”

I nodded and sat down in my normal seat, pulling Charles next to me, “Sorry for randomly dragging you off, I just didn’t want John to find us. I may or may not have done something stupid in the lunch hall… I jumped up on the table and shouted to everyone in there that John had a crush on Alex. I’m just sick of him pining after the gremlin, just get on with it and confess already… Oh shit, I probably made Eliza uncomfortable too. I mean, she’s dating Alex, how’s she goin to feel? I’m such a shit sister…” I muttered quietly enough so that our teacher couldn’t hear me swearing.

“You’re not, (Y/n). Hamilton should know the truth. Then he can decide what to do, better than you having to put up with your brother sulking for the rest of his life because he couldn’t get the courage to confess.”

“You’re right, Charles.”

MEANWHILE - JOHN’S POV (Just after you ran out)

I sat there, my face bright red as I tried to avoid eye contact with Alex. Knowing he wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore…

“Look, Alex, I’m sorry. (Y/n) doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I promise you I don’t have any romantic interest in you. Sorry if what she said made you uncomfortable. I-”

“John, don’t lie to me. I’ve known for ages. I was just waiting for you to say something yourself.”

“WHAT?! I-I… I should go,” I muttered the last statement, standing up and going to walk out of the lunch hall, until I felt a hand grab my wrist, “Where are you going?”

“Away from you, Alexander, please let me go,” I muttered, trying not to show my friends I was crying, and pulled my arm from his grasp and ran out, not caring about the stares I was getting.

-------------------------

“John? There you are.”

“Just leave me alone. I deserve it.”

That’s when I saw a familiar blue dress enter my small field of vision, and I froze up, “ELIZA! Shit, I’m so sorry! Please don’t hate me. I know you and Alex are dating, that’s why I kept it to myself. Honestly, I’m trying to get over it. I-” She shut me up with a kiss and I froze, incredibly confused, “D-did you- Just… I-What?!”

“Alex and I have been talking, John, and well, Alex admitted he’s bisexual, and that he’s in love with you too, and the truth is, I am too.”

“WHAT?!”

Eliza just giggled, sitting down on th bench next to me, “It’s true, John. Now, I think you should go and find your sister and thank her before she starts avoiding you because she thinks you hate her.

--------------------------------- YOUR POV

“You look amazing, (Y/n). Makes me not want to share you.”

“Thanks for the compliment, Charles. Don’t worry, I’m only yours.”

That made his face turn red and he turned his attention to the drink in his hand, bringing it up to his mouth in an attempt to cover the blush, causing me to giggle, “You’re adorable, Charles.”

He smiled at me and placed a hand on my cheek, leaning down and pecking me on the lips.

JOHN’S POV

“John… mon ami, you might want to look at this…”

“What is it, Laf? I’m trying to fin-What the Hell is he doing to her?!” I replied, interrupting myself the minute I saw Lee making (Y/n) laugh. He placed a hand on her cheek and leaned down, kissing her, making my blood boil, “What the HELL is he doing, and why isn’t she stopping him?! Laf, hold me back before I fuck his face up!”

“Mon ami, stop. You cannot control the power of love.”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?”

“Well… mon ami, don’t hate me for being the one to tell you this, but they’ve been dating for the past six months.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?!”

“Probably cause of your reaction, John,” Alex piped in, wrapping his arms around my neck from behind and kissing my cheek, “(Y/n) looks up to you like you’re a god. She puts her relationship with you above everything else, she wouldn’t want you to never talk to her again because of who her boyfriend is.”

“How are you always right, Alex?”

“I do not know, John. But you might want to let her know before she runs off and secretly gets married to him or something.”

I sighed and nodded, knowing Alex was right and walked over calmly to where (Y/n) was standing with Lee.

YOUR POV

“Oh shit, Charles, you might want to run…” I muttered, seeing John walking over out of the corner of my eye.

“I’ve already seen, (Y/n). No point in trying to run, Lee,” John spoke, causing both me and Charles to gulp and for him to remove his arm from my waist. John continued, “I know we do not get on very well, Lee, however, I was informed that you two have been dating for the past six months and (Y/n), you are my sister, I’d always put your happiness over a petty argument. So for your sake, I will try to get along with Lee.”

I smiled widely and hugged him, “So… you’re not mad about the whole lunch hall situation yesterday?”

“Oh…” was all John said, his face turning bright red, “Well... Thanks to your shtick yesterday, I now have a wonderful boyfriend and girlfriend. Thank you, (Y/n).”

“What are little sisters for? I wouldn’t have done what I did if I knew the two of them didn’t like you back,” I replied, hugging him, Now go and have fun with your partners!”

John nodded and walked back over to where Alex and Eliza were, Laf being off dancing with Angelica, and Peggy with Hercules, leaving me with Charles. Not that I was complaining, “I love you.”

“I love you too, (Y/n). Glad your brother didn’t murder me.”

I just giggled and kissed him, “So am I, Charlie, so am I.”

------------------------------END OF ONESHOT

Hehe. Another one. I love Lee so much. And Seabury… I NEED MORE ONESHOTS OF THEM. IF ANYONE KNOWS ANY GOOD LEE OR SEABURY X READER ONESHOTS PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME IN THE COMMENTS.

[littlemindblabbles]

Don’t Catch Feelings

Can’t believe I’ve never written a fake dating au, it’s literally my favourite trope. This is also my longest fic at 2.7k, hope you enjoy !

Pairing: Doyoung X Y/N

Summary: It was a win-win situation right, fake date and get what you both want. Unless what you want was Kim Doyoung.

Y/L/N, let’s date.

How did you get in this situation? You didn’t know either.

The source of that sentence was standing right in front of you, looking as though he casually told you the sky was blue. Kim Doyoung, your biggest rival in your year, there was never a day where the both of you wouldn’t be arguing or fighting to answer questions in class. You hated him with all your heart, and you were sure that feeling was mutual.

And yet, what did he just say? Kim Doyoung wanted to date you? You must still be dreaming.

Getting annoyed at your lack of response, the said boy rolled his eyes and smirked.

“Hello? Did you finally kill your brain after trying so hard to beat me for chemistry? Anyway don’t be stupid, I definitely do not find you attractive. I meant fake date so we can both get what we want.”

“Huh..” Really wasn’t a good day for you.

“Wow what an intellectual response. Let me break it down for you.” He slowly emphasised each word as though he was talking to a child. “Look you’re not subtle, I know you have a crush on Lee Taeyong. While I’m trying to get Seomin back. Therefore we date in public and make ourselves look more attractive, and get who we want. Finally clicking Y/L/N?”

You involuntarily blushed. Lee Taeyong had been your crush for about a year now. There was something ethereal about the senior, besides the fact that he was insanely popular and had a heart of gold. However, being on the other end of the social hierarchy mean that Lee Taeyong had no idea of your existence. As must as it pained you, Doyoung was pretty popular and dating him would put you in the spotlight for once. As usual, he had come up with a logical plan, and you hated him even more.

“I don’t know how you’ve been stalking me to know that information Kim, but I have to say you’ve come up with a smart idea for once.” Doyoung scoffed at your response, and you ignored his rudeness. “However, for two people to date they must at least tolerate each other. How do you suppose we convince the school we somehow fell in love?”

“Well sweetheart, there’s always a fine line between love and hate remember.” You pretended not to notice the way your heart fluttered at the mocking nickname.

“We have to set rules. And be convincing. I will murder you if people find out this is fake.”

“Whatever you want Y/L/N, don’t worry I’ll be the best fake boyfriend you’ll ever get.”

You pulled out your notes app. “Okay first rule: No catching feelings. Feel any slight sense of genuine affection and this whole thing is off.”

“No shit Sherlock, of course we won’t. Second rule: we’ll end this only when both of us get who we want, I don’t trust that you won’t dump me once Taeyong so much as looks in your direction.”

“Fair enough, third rule: Physical affection is okay, provided there are people around. Kissing is fine but no make outs.” You turned red while mentioning this but it had to be said. You definitely weren’t super comfortable with physical touch, given the fact that you were never in a relationship before, but who would believe a couple who didn’t kiss in public these days.

“Wow Y/L/N getting daring I see. Okay my last rule: we hang out after school each day and at least once during the weekend. We need to see each other outside to really sell this thing.” More time with Doyoung, how perfect.

“Fine, I don’t have anymore rules too. Guess you’re my fake boyfriend now.” Just as you locked your phone, the empty classroom you two were talking in started to fill up. Doyoung side glanced at your classmates, picked up your hand and kissed it while staring right into your eyes.

“My pleasure sweetheart, meet me after school today.”

-

You both decided to go to a cafe a few blocks away. It was cute enough to be considered a date spot, but also near to school that many classmates frequented it. Perfect to let rumours fly.

Since this was technically your first date, you didn’t know quite what to do. Hoping it didn’t show, you clasped your fingers on the table and tried to make conversation.

“So, how was todays lessons Kim? You must have found it hard.” Sitting across from you, Doyoung frowned and leaned forward.

“Please Y/L/N, we already fight about academics in school, don’t tell me you want to talk about work even on our date. Word of advice, when you go on a date with Taeyong, don’t do this.” Embarrassed, you looked down to your lap, Doyoung definitely knows you’re a dating noob.

Soft hands grabbing yours made you look up. Your rival looked almost gentle as he said,

“Hey, don’t worry. I know it’s awkward to talk to me without arguing. Let’s just do what people do on first dates, try to get to know each other? I don’t think I know much about you except that you’re slightly dumber than me.” The last sentence got you scoffing, rolling your eyes playfully. Doyoung grinned, knowing you were back to your usual self.

“Well, then you don’t know anything about me. But I guess basic facts, I’m the oldest out of 4. My parents put a lot of pressure on me to do well because obviously, I’m the oldest. I don’t really do much else except study.” Sounds sad, but it was true. Besides studying and helping around the house or looking after your younger siblings, there wasn’t much time for you to try anything else.

Doyoung looked a bit shocked by your words, but he composed himself before replying, “No wonder you’re so uptight, you need to relax a bit Y/L/N. Anyway I’m Doyoung, I have an older brother, I’m in the school’s basketball team I love going to karaoke rooms.”

“Karaoke? Like singing?”

“Yes of course, don’t tell me you’ve never been?” At the lack of response, he clapped his hands, “Wells, this means date night for this weekend is settled. You have to try karaoke.”

The conversation flowed quite easy after that. Surprisingly, you two had a lot in common. Once the sun started to set, Doyoung stood up and held out his hand to you, offering to walk you back.

“See ya tomorrow Y/L/N.”

“Hey Doyoung?” His eyes widened. “Don’t you think you need to call me by my first name now. Usually people don’t call their girlfriends by their last name.” Doyoung smirked and gave you a peck on your cheek,

“Alright Y/N, have a good night.”

He turned around swiftly and walked off, leaving you standing at your door blushing furiously. You blamed this on having no prior romantic experience, but Doyoung sure was smooth.

-

Not before long, the whole school was buzzing over the new couple. Doyoung and you were seen holding hands all around the corridors, sitting together during classes and for once, helping each other with school work.

Of course, the underlying plan was working as well. While you were waiting for Doyoung at your locker, Taeyong actually walked past you and gave you a small wave, rendering you speechless. According to Doyoung, Seomin had been pestering his friends about your new relationship as well.

As for your actual ‘relationship’, you might be treading on dangerous ground soon. Doyoung was, surprisingly, a great boyfriend. He drove, so every morning without fail he would wait outside your house and also send you back after. He helped you carry you books when you walk from class to class, and he let you join his friends during lunch so that now you had an actual friend group.

Most importantly, he was kind when he wanted to, always lending a listening ear whenever you had frustrations. Doyoung had even visited your house a few times and got along really well with your siblings. He knew you didn’t have much of a social life, so he tried his best to drag you to new places during your ‘dates’. You still recall the first time he brought you for karaoke.

“Shit Y/N, you have an amazing voice! How have you not participated in any performances?” Doyoung gaped at you as you ended your rendition of Harry Styles’ Falling. Feeling shy at the compliment, you looked away.

“Shush, says the one who actually can sing. You definitely brought me here to show off.” That started the friendly banter the two of you seemed to have comfortably fallen into. It was a nice balance, keeping the to and fro sarcastic remarks you used to throw at each other, but lacking the previous maliciousness intent.

Kissing however, was still a big question mark. You definitely weren’t going to be the one rushing it, it was still your first kiss, but Doyoung didn’t seem to mind either. He’d always find a way to kiss other parts of your head other than your lips; your cheek, forehead, nose. Always asking first, and only when there were people around.

-

“Hey Y/N? I know this isn’t your cup of tea but Jaehyun’s throwing a small party this weekend. Seomin and Taeyong will be there, wanna go?” Your fake boyfriend looked at you apprehensively.

He was was right, loud music and crowds were something you pointedly avoided, but for the fake dating aspect, this party was the perfect place to be. So you took a deep breath and nodded.

Right now though, as you squeeze through yet another group of drunk teens, you start to reconsider your decision. If this was Doyoung’s definition of ‘small’ , he needed to retake English class. Speaking of which, after the first 10 minutes with you, your ‘boyfriend’ disappeared to find Jaehyun.

Not wanting to be in the stuffy house anymore, you grabbed your coat and made your way to the backyard, where it was surprisingly empty. Sitting down on the grass, you signed and wondered how your boring little life got to this point.

“Y/N?” The sound of your name made you turn around. It was Taeyong, though you couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed it wasn’t the guy you actually wanted to see.

“Oh hey, Taeyong right. Why did you come outside?” Taeyong was the popular one, there’s no way he was scared of crowds unlike you.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he laughed, the sound echoing into the darkness. “But I get a bit overwhelmed with large groups of people sometimes, so I get away to recharge. First time I’ve seen someone else at my spot though.”

“Oh, did you want to be alone? I’m sorry I definitely could leave don’t worry.” You fumbled as you started getting up, but Taeyong grabbed your wrist and pulled you back down slowly.

“It’s fine, I’m okay if it’s you.”

This line — pre-fake-dating you would have been turning red right now, heart exploding from hearing your long-time crush say that to you. But somehow, all you could think about is sharp eyes and a smirk, directed at you.

It was then when you realised.

You caught feelings for Kim Doyoung.

-

“I think rule number 2 has come true. Let’s end this Y/N.” The next day, Doyoung came up to you in class, his face closed up again, the vulnerability you’ve gotten used to seeing gone.

“What?” You could feel your heart drop.

“I made out with Seomin at the party last night.” No, no, no this could not be happening. You wished Doyoung would stop talking, stop making the dreaded feeling in your chest worse. “Plus, I heard Lee Taeyong was talking to you all night in the backyard. Good for you Y/L/N, see our plan worked.”

Never had your last name sound so foul. You were so used to Doyoung called you by name, the way he pronounced it made you smile every time. Crap you were in so deep, how did you not notice before?

But it was too late, all you could do was smile faintly and Doyoung left to sit at the other end of class. Guess this was the beginning of the end.

-

The next few weeks passed by in a blur, you were on autopilot, going to school and then leaving when the bell rang. You didn’t even have the effort to argue with Doyoung in class anymore, and since you were too distracted to study, your grades were dropping as well. Soon, you weren’t even in the top 10 anymore, well below Doyoung, but for once you couldn’t care less.

Speaking of your ex-rival, or ex-boyfriend, if you could consider that. After meeting up one last time for closure, you both agreed to let people know the break up was mutual. Since then, you avoided him like the plague. If you had to see him and Seomin together in school, it’ll break whatever remaining strength you had.

Doyoung however, had different ideas. While you were planning to sit in an empty class for lunch, since breaking up with Doyoung also meant you had no more friends, he stormed in a sat in front of you.

“What’s your issue? I just heard from Professor that you’re failing maths? Y/N failing maths?!” Oh right, you forgot about that.

“Well, my grades have been slipping slightly. At least you don’t have to worry about me beating you anytime soon.” You forced out a small laugh, avoiding his eyes. You didn’t miss the fact that he said your name once again.

“I’m worried about you. Are there any issues at home? You can’t go from being the smartest student in the year to failing maths in 2 weeks. I’ll even tutor you if you need. The hell, I know Taeyong isn’t the smartest out there but he’s a senior, can’t he help you? As your boyfriend he should do better.” Maybe you were imagining it but Doyoung even sounded angry towards the end.

“Taeyong’s not my boyfriend. I haven’t spoken to him since the party.” The boy in front of me made a noise or confusion.

“But I thought—”

“You thought wrong. Taeyong hasn’t been the one I wanted for quite some time already.” Doyoung suddenly cupped my chin and turned it, forcing me to look at him,

“Wait Y/N, do you mean?”

“Yes I’m sorry, I broke rule number one and didn’t tell you. I didn’t realise until it was too late. But it doesn’t matter, you got Seomin already, just forget it.” You tried to move away, but instead he used both hands to keep you in place, looking happy for some reason.

“Then I guess I should apologise too, I broke rule number one from the first day.” Huh, that would mean...

“Yes sweetheart, I can hear the gears turning in your head. I’ve had a crush on you for as long as I can remember. I only pretended to be rivals so that you would notice me. You can be quite in your own world sometimes. This fake dating thing was only so I could get closer to you without the hostility. I shouldn’t have lied about my feelings, but I didn’t know how else to get you to trust me.” You still couldn’t believe it, you had too many questions.

“But Seomin—” Doyoung shook his head.

“I lied, I never wanted her back. She was clingy as hell, good riddance. I also never made out with her, I promise. I saw you talking to Taeyong and having a moment, so I figured at least one of us should be happy. Didn’t think it would be that hard telling you to call the fake dating off.”

It was slowly sinking in. Doyoung liked you. Doyoung had a crush on you for a long time. Doyoung pretended to be your boyfriend to get closer to you. But all this time, his actions were genuine, and your rival liked you back. Shyly, you looked at him and smiled.

“If you liked me all this while, how come you never kissed me?” Sensing your feelings as well, Doyoung grinned.

“Because it wasn’t right if I did it before confessing properly. I know it’s your first kiss and I wanted it to be perfect.”

“Well you just confessed. And if you didn’t notice, this is me accepting and reciprocating.” Your usual snarky replies were returning. Doyoung laughed and moved over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Glad to hear those remarks again, god I missed you.” And before you had a chance to reply, he swooped down and found your lips.

You had to say, your first kiss was indeed perfect.

Note: I disappeared from this app and came back to dump this. Quite surprised by the length, maybe the ending could have been longer but I didn’t want to drag it out too much. Check out my masterlist for more fics :))

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine: Joel trying to plan out a Date for you and him

When Joel asked you out you were stunned! beyond stunned. the last conversation you had with him. was threatening to cut his balls off for being a stupid man.

Joel, Elle, and you traveled to check on Tommy. you were friends with Tommy. and were worried. you never really cared for Joel he was rude, Brass, and emotionally cut off.. he was burdened with Guilt of surviving , of Living after the world ended and his little girl. you Only knew about Sara because Tommy mentioned it. then after they started doing highly morally questionable things. to survive. Truthfully Tommy was your favorite Miller. especially after Joel agreed to human traffic a kid. you went with him. incase you had to Kill Joel and whoever was planning to use a kid.

things changed. once learning Ellie was immune, Joel started to open up and you could see the good man. that Tommy swore was behind all the grit and asshole behavior's. it was when Elle found a old Cassett tape making a joke about how Joel must of loved Hank williams growing up. you chuckled as he said trumpery that was before his time as Elle asked if your dad listened to him.

"yea.. those.. My grandpa use to love this guy. he saw him at a fair once. "

"Jesus how old are you?" Joel asked as you chuckled, "i was 17 when the world ended.. after i turned 18. i stopped counting."

'Jesus Christ." he mumbled as you chuckled as you spoke, "Sorry old man."

you weren't used to see Joel smile. you knew him for years. And before Elle you don't think you ever seen him smile. not even with Tess. they have a mutual bond a respectful love. you personally think they both were so fucked up that they found each other by the cosmo's and they used each other to survive. you missed Tess. she was a equally Hard ass but she was funny.

It was when you arrived at the compound where Tommy was living. and thriving you were at the movies with Maria when you got back to the house to hear Elle screaming at Joel. you got upstairs asking what was wrong as Elle said Joel was passing her off to Tommy to send her to the rest of the way. 'Joel rubbed his face as he spoke, "he will be better. he's younger and he knows the land... Y/N isn't going with you."

that is when you three all fought. It was after you calmed Elle down and she kicked you both out. that you started fighting with Joel again about you going with Elle. you weren't leaving Elle. Joel made the case.. shew as under he's protection. he's weird 'guardianship" and he said that you would just get Tommy killed.

which you cursed him off and stormed off and slept in the guest room. you culdn't even enjoy a real bed with clean lining and being clean because Stupid Joel ruined your mood. you didn't slepe at all. when you heard Joel get up and leave the house. you rolled over to your side. cursing at him. you knew he would probably physically hold you down So tommy could leave with Elle. you hated. he was Right. you couldn't go off without him. you relied on Joel to much. you were a decent Shoot. but you didn't have that gut reaction. when you had the truck and a kid came out of no where screaming for help. your first reaction was to help him. Joel realized it was a trap.. you would just Put Elle at Risk.

Getting up with Elle the first thing she said was you looked like Shit. "I feel it.. come on."

you walked her down to the stables to see Tommy was there as you turned Elle around looking at her as you Pulled out your lucky flashlight. "you stay safe.. okay you listen to Tommy. out of the two Millers. Tommy is funnier. he will love your puns." Elle smiled weakly as you whipped your cheeks quickly as she spoke, 'i'll be fine."

you nodded your head as Joel was there as he gave Elle a choice as she choose Joel. you said you would go with them. but Joel gripped your shoulders pushing you away from Tommy and Elle as he spoke, "I need you to stay here.'

"what why?"

"because Someone needs to be a aunt to Tommy's Kid and out of the two of us.. your better qualified to help out with the kid then I am."

"I never changed a diaper.. Look- I 'm not leaving you now! we can do this together." Joel sighed heavily as he said No. as he told Tommy to hold you back as he and Elle left you cursed out Joel calling him every name in the book.

then he was gone. they took longer than expected to return. you were sitting on a yard chair talking with Maria you couldn't figure out how a idiot like Tommy landed her. she was far to good for him. when you heard the door alarm beeping as they opened. you stood up to see the riding party return with Joel and Elle. you smiled brightly running over as they got into the compound as you pulled Elle into a hug hugging her tightly.

'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN!" YOU cursed out hitting Joel's Leg as he got off the horse. he was stunned he was speechless seeing you as Elle spoke up for him. "Had a bit of trouble.. they didn't need me."

you hugged her tighter as you spoke, "God I don't care if they did or not i was scared to bits over you guys."

"they need a proper meal." Tommy ordered as you freed Elle as Joel was now off the horse you pulled him into a hug. he wrenched from the pain in his side. but when you tried to free him to ask what was wrong he just squeeze tighter.

It was after they got food in their bellies and got washed up. at your place. that Joel walked over as he spoke, "I want to take you out on a date."

you nodded your head as he smiled saying good as he said he would plan it. all as you said okay as you asked if you needed to find a new place to live. that took the smile off his face as you spoke, 'well- Tommy lives across the road, I'm assuming you and Elle are staying. I mean we haven't seen a nicer place then this in years.. So you aren't going back to the QZ right?"

he shook his head, "No, were staying.. why can't we just.. live together?"

you chuckled as you spoke, "okay.. just fair warning I'm planning on being the babies third favorite person." he chuckled saying impossible as you laughed as you spoke, "is..Is Elle alright how did that all turn out?" he shook he's head, "fine. it was fine.. we had a bit of trouble.. i'll tell you later." you agreed as you said you had to go for your shift in the kitchen he said okay. as you walked off.

Joel walked around finding Tommy as he asked for help. it's been years since he did anything like plan a date. he never planned a date with Tess. they just happened without having to court. they just found each other and clung onto each other he never did anything romantic. but you deserved that. he wanted to be romantic with you.

Tommy was stunned hearing about Joel asking you out. he remembered living in the QZ and you use to bug the Hell out of Joel because he would call you too "naive" and a danger to society with your kindness. but seeing how you reacted these few weeks. shielding your emotions and pushing away whenever Tommy mentioned Elle or Joel. he just couldn't think how this happened. Joel got a gazeeboo covered in white lights. as a few people helped out. dinner and drinks under the stars and a old classic flim "Sabrina" to watch on a projector that would shin onto a wall. that they put a white curtain out to watch.

Tommy spent the day helping his brother and watching the smile and sparkle in his eyes. he hasn't seen that side of joel in years. which only made him wonder what the hell happen during that trip.

it was after work you walked home to see Elle was reading a dairy. "you have a diary?" you asked as she spoke, 'No- it was whoever use to live here.. did you have one?" you chuckled softly, "yea. those my older sister was snoopy and would always read it. so I stopped." "you have a sister?"

you nodded your head softly, you haven't thought about your sister in years. to painful. your entire family was taken down in one swoop. brownies.. brownies. turned your entire family. into the infected. you got home from a school dance when they were all infected. you ran. "Long time ago. my entire family got infected the first night.. ugh.. I was at a school dance. with a awful Date... when it all happened."

"what did he do?"

hearing the door open you answred Elle. ingoring Joel, "Oh, he put the moves on me. tried feeling me up. and when I regretted him he went to my best friend."

"who's feeling you and Tommy up?" you smiled Hearing Joels tone he was playful, you chuckled, "Fucking Lance Lane."

"who's that?"

"my Prom Date." he chuckled as Elle spoke, 'you know that Y/N had a sister?"

Joel nodded his head, "and two brothers." I nodded my head, "good memory." Joel grinned pleased with himself as you smiled turning to Elle. "Proms were very lame.. and too much pressure its just a stupid dance. right Joel?"

"I don't know.. I liked mine. I went all the way with my date." Elle gasped grossing out as you rolled your eyes. "which didn't late long i bet." he chuckled at that as elle said what as you spoke up distracting her, "I Got to get washed up.. from work. Elle, Maria asked if you wanted to go to the movies tonight?" she nodded her head saying sure as Joel told Elle to have fun.

Once Elle was gone. you walked down freshly washed as Joel was always cleaned up as you smiled, "So what we doing?"

I thought dinner and drinks.. and maybe a movie? hope you don't have a curfew." you laughed as you spoke, "hopefully you can stay up late old man." he chuckled as you both walked off.

the Dinner and drinks were great it wasn't until the movie started that you noticed the northen lights. you grabbed Joels arm pointing them out. you were both under a blanket as you spent the time watching the lights move in the sky vs the movie.

It was once you both got home that Joel asked how the date was. you smiled brightly shaking your head, "annoyingly perfect.. i dont know how im going to ask you out now. and beat snuggling under the northern lights." he smiled brightly. "I get a second date? huh?" you smield as you nodded your head. "yea. what you say?"

I'll love to."

[membermentmania]

August 2nd, 2:32-4:10 am

He really didn’t think Kenny would say yes and now he felt like a moron.

But Kenny just accepted that part of him without hesitation. “That’s fine. Come inside for a sec?” Right. He was just standing on Kenny’s doorstep, blushing like a complete idiot, ready to either burst into tears or vomit. He settled for a nod, worried he would spontaneously combust. He followed Kenny inside. Kenny guided him into his room and rummaged through his closet. He glanced at Clyde before picking something. “Kay. Give me, like, Idunno. Fifteen, twenty?” 

“Huh?” 

Kenny shot him a small smirk. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Then you’re gonna take me on a date.” 

“Wait, like, right now?” 

“I mean, if right now doesn’t work, I can take you on a date?” 

Clyde was left to sputter as Kenny left the room with a quiet laugh. He immediately unlocked his phone and started typing to Craig. 

Clyde: HELP

Craig: You okay? 

Clyde: I’M TAKING KENNY ON A DATE

His phone started buzzing and he scrambled to turn on his microphone access before answering. “Hey!” he whisper-yelled. 

“What the fuck do you mean, you’re taking Kenny on a date?!” 

“I mean, I asked him on a date. Now he’s in the shower. I don’t know what to do!” 

“I’m so proud of you!” Tweek chimed in. Clyde made a face. He sounded very close. 

“Am I interrupting something?” he asked, thrown off completely. 

“No!” 

Craig laughed. “Nope. Anyways. You were saying?” 

“How do I-” He paused. “What the fuck do I do?!” 

“Dude, you’ve been, like, obsessed with him since when?” 

“Um. I don’t know?” 

Craig breathed out a sigh. “Like, two fucking years. Take the win.” 

“But I’m so awkward! And weird and goofy and a fucking mess!” 

“Okay,” Craig responded evenly. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Kenny is also a mess. We’re kinda all fucking messes as of late.” There was a second part that was so quiet Clyde barely heard it. “You d didn’t cause this.” Clyde’s eyes practically bulged out of his head. He’d never heard Craig sound anything but mildly annoyed, bored, or enraged. His voice was so gentle. He forgot how to talk for a second. “Clyde, did you break?” Craig asked lamely. 

“Um. Nah. Lingered on a thought.” His panic flared up once again. “Craig, what do I do?! Help me!” 

“Hold on. Tweek said he wants to tell you something.” 

“Tweek?” Clyde didn’t mean to say that with as much bewilderment as he did. Especially knowing Tweek could 100% hear him. But Tweek didn’t know anyone. He’d never been romantically involved with anyone as far as Clyde knew. Tweek was pretty much a blank, groomed into murdering, but very much so blank slate when he came into their lives. How the fuck is he gonna help me? 

“Hi, Clyde,” Tweek greeted. 

“Hi, Tweek.” 

“Okay. I just wanted to say this and I hope it helps. You and Kenny are two sides of the same coin, in a way. You compliment each other. You also both like each other a lot.” Clyde sputtered. 

“If you can see that, I’m fucked,” he muttered. 

“Rude, but fair,” Tweek noted. 

“Be real with me, Tweeky.” 

“You two deserve a good ending. And I think if you just be yourself and communicate with him, you’ll get one. He really cares about you.” 

Clyde took a deep breath. “Do you think myself is good enough?” 

“It doesn’t matter if yourself is good enough. He likes you.” There was a short pause. “I do think you’re good enough, for the record.” 

Clyde nodded. “Thank you.” 

“Craig says you’re good enough too. You’re just stupid.” 

“Hey!” 

“I didn’t say it! He did!” A laugh bubbled out of him. Clyde made a face. Have I ever heard him laugh before besides that night with Tammy? His brows knit together slightly. He’d known Tweek for two months, slowly encroaching on three, and he’d only laughed once in front of them. At Tammy. Which was fair, Tammy’s hilarious. But it was jarring at how natural it sounded. Holy shit I’m definitely interrupting something. 

“Tweek be so honest with me,” he breathed out. 

“Yes?” 

“Am I actually interrupting something?” 

“Nah. We’re just in bed.” 

“OH MY GOD?” 

“Watching a movie, you fuck,” Craig chimed in. 

“Oh my god,” Tweek muttered before another laugh came out. 

Kenny’s door opened and Clyde’s eyes widened slightly, stomach twisting. “Yeah, okay. Gotta go. Get married. Bye.” He hung up and dropped his phone on the bed next to him. “Hi.” 

Kenny offered him a small smile. “Your mic.” 

“Shit.” Clyde quickly grabbed his phone and scrambled to his microphone access back off. “Thanks.” 

“Of course. Gotta keep you safe, bozo.” 

Clyde’s nose scrunched. “Don’t be mean,” he drawled. 

“Okay,” he responded evenly. “We’re gonna go and look at some of the coolest and most beautiful things this planet has to  to offer and you’ll still be infinitely more cool and infinitely more beautiful.” 

“Okay, well excuse me while I go throw up because you have no business giving me butterflies like that,” he responded, actually ready to throw up.

Kenny laughed. It was bright as always. “Are you actually gonna throw up?” 

Clyde made a face. “...No.” He blinked. “Yeah, no. I’ll live.” 

“Good.” He shot Clyde a small nod and Clyde got up, pretending he didn’t feel like his legs were jello. He followed Kenny out of his room and outside. “So, who’s getting married?” Kenny asked. It sounded like he was actually dying to ask. 

Clyde laughed. “Tweek and Craig.” 

Kenny’s eyebrows shot up. “Is that, like, a thing?” 

“Oh my god, hear me out. I was on the phone with Craig. And Tweek was there, because obviously. They live together. But Tweek was, like, there. And then he tells me they’re in bed. And Craig quickly shot in that they were watching a movie. But in bed! They have a perfectly acceptable couch!” 

Kenny barked out a laugh. “One of them could just be the affectionate type.” 

Clyde narrowed his eyes at Kenny. “That fits neither of them.” 

“I mean, privately it might.” 

“Not Craig. Maybe Tweek. But still! Craig is not, like- I don’t know, he doesn’t snuggle up in bed and watch movies with his friends!” 

“I mean, I was already sold. But damn.”

“Wait. Why were you sold?” 

“The way Craig is basically his guard dog and will do anything to go out and fight for Tweek. Alone. So he doesn’t have to use his powers. Or have his relic nearby.” 

“But that’s just because-oh my god, you’re so fucking right.” 

“And when Tammy tried to press Tweek he was ready to step in.” 

“Oh my god, I’m actually so dense.” 

Kenny shrugged with a laugh. “Yeah.” 

“Wait, but why have neither of them said anything then?!” 

“I mean, can you blame them? From Craig’s perspective, and all of ours, Tweek is very… Tricky. He doesn’t really have a handle on relationships in any capacity yet. He just started opening up to us like a few weeks ago. And from Tweek’s, he’s literally never had friends. I’m gonna be so honest he probably wouldn’t even get why he would feel differently about someone else. Or at least, it’d take him a bit.” 

“That sounds mean but it’s so dead on,” Clyde noted. 

“You know I don’t mean it in a mean way. I fucking love Tweek. He’s just kinda new to people.” 

Clyde’s heart panged. “I hate what she did to him.” 

Kenny nodded, sad smile appearing. “Well, he has us now. And he’s been getting better. We can’t go back and fix it, but we can make the best of what we do have.” 

“This is why I like you,” he blurted out. 

Kenny sputtered a laugh. “What?” 

“Um.” Oh my god, brain, work. “Like, you just. You look at the big picture from a logical perspective, but you always try to stay positive. You manage to do both. No one really does that. Y’know, it’s usually one or the other.” 

Kenny  nudged him slightly. “I like that you just stay positive.” 

“Because I have people like you to look at the big picture for me,” he joked. 

“If that’s what it takes,” Kenny responded with a half shrug. 

“Wait, where are we walking to?” 

Kenny smirked. “You mean, where are we racing to?” 

Clyde lit up. “We’re racing?” 

“I mean, I personally think that would be super fun. And it would save us like a good five minutes.” 

“Oh, you’re on.” 

Kenny tapped his relic to his forehead and Clyde’s hand flew to his pocket so he could follow suit. 

“Better keep up!” Kenny called out as he broke out into a run. Clyde felt the immediate relief as he transformed mid sprint after Kenny. They made a right onto the strip and went up the first fire escape they saw. 

A laugh bubbled out of Clyde. “I still don’t know where we’re going!” 

“Somewhere cool!” 

“Je bent gek!” he yelled. 

“Ik vergeet altijd dat je Nederlands spreekt!”

Clyde practically skidded to a stop. “WHAT?!” 

Kenny immediately noticed and spun around. “What?” 

“Spreek jij eigenlijk Nederlands?!” Kenny looked like he’d been caught. He slowly nodded and Clyde took a few steps closer. Then proceeded to swat at his arm. “Waarom heb je het mij niet verteld?!” 

“It never came up! I didn’t just wanna be, like, ‘oh hey I speak Dutch too, isn’t that totally crazy?!’” 

Clyde narrowed his eyes slightly. “Okay. Fair, I guess.” That didn’t explain the look on his face when Clyde called him out though. “Why do you speak Dutch?” 

Kenny laughed. It felt almost fake. Clyde didn’t like it one bit. “Not really much of a first date conversation.” 

Clyde didn’t like that either. They hadn’t been this close for that long, but the fact that Kenny was seemingly trying to sidestep that all together and keep this from him made him feel weird. They stared at each other for a moment. “You know you don’t always have to keep on a brave face for me, right?” he tried, no idea if he was shooting in the right direction. “You can tell me bad stuff, or like. I don’t know. Stuff you feel like you should keep secret. Because you’re my best friend. I tell you everyone else’s secrets because you’re my best friend, but I would never tell anyone yours.” 

Kenny’s face softened. The look in his eyes felt like a stab to the heart. “Thank you for that,” he said quietly. 

“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I just don’t want you to think you need to hide stuff from me because I’m sensitive, y’know?” 

Kenny frowned slightly. “It’s just a lot.” 

“I’m a lot,” Clyde joked. 

He breathed out a laugh. “You kinda are.” 

Clyde took a step forward and pulled him into a loose hug. “I know,” he responded as he rested his head on Kenny’s shoulder. “But you can tell me anything.” 

Kenny’s arms wrapped around him tightly. They stood there in silence for a moment. “Ik kan niet doodgaan,” he murmured. 

Clyde made a face. “What?” 

“I mean, like. I do. But everyone forgets and I kinda just spawn back in.” 

Clyde’s stomach dropped. “Is that what your power is?” he whispered. 

“No. That started when I was born. Some fucking curse, or whatever. I don’t know much about it.” 

“No one remembers?” 

“Never.” 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “That sounds so horrible.” 

“It’s whatever. Y’know. I’ve been living with it for so long I’m just used to it. But that’s why I know Dutch. Afterlives are not English exclusive.”

Clyde nodded against him. “Yeah, that makes sense.” 

“Do you believe me?” His voice was so tiny. Clyde felt gutted. 

“Of course I believe you. We got magical powers from the internet and have to fight monsters to stay alive.” Of course he wasn’t sure that last part was true. But the more he thought about what would happen when their marks turned black, the more that felt true. “And even if we didn’t, you’re my best friend. You have no reason to lie to me.” 

“Thank you,” he breathed out. Kenny squeezed him tighter. 

“I have a question though,” Clyde responded hesitantly. He wanted to know this so bad it felt like it was going to burn a hole in his brain. This was the only thing he thought he didn’t know about Kenny, and it drove him crazy when he sat with it for too long. 

“Of course.” 

“What is your power?” 

Kenny let out a bitter laugh. “I explode.” 

“What?” 

“Basically, I’m like a human pipe bomb. But my drawback is dying, because of course it is. And it hurts so much. And everyone forgets. So using it means not only would I be having a shit time, but I wouldn’t get purifiers because I’d be busy being dead and no one would even remember I was there.” 

Clyde’s chest hurt. “That’s so fucking mean,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Lotta our powers feel mean.” Clyde nodded. Kenny hugged him tighter. “You wanted to be stronger, and you got it. But look at what it does to you. That’s so unfair it’s not even funny, Clyde.” Clyde never told a soul that. But of course, Kenny just knew that. 

Clyde nodded against him. “Fuck our mod, seriously.” 

Kenny laughed and Clyde felt like all of the wrongs in the air had been righted. It was real. Genuine. Not pained or bitter. It was just Kenny. “Thank you. I haven’t tried to talk about this in so long.” 

Clyde gave him a tight squeeze. “You can always talk to me.” 

“You too. You know that, right?” 

“Of course.”

Kenny let go of him and smiled so brightly Clyde felt like he needed to take a lap around the building. “Now can I pretty please take you on this date?” 

Clyde laughed. “Yes? You still haven’t told me where we’re going!” 

“We’re actually above where we’re going.” 

Clyde looked down at the concrete roof like that would somehow indicate where they were. He settled for rolling his eyes before he let himself transform back into non-magical freak clothes. Kenny laughed as he let his regular clothes come back to him. They climbed down the fire escape and Clyde lit up with excitement. They were at the aquarium. The aquarium probably wouldn’t have been his first choice in the sense of the fact that he didn’t know much about marine life. But aquariums were always so cool and Kenny mentioned that he wanted to be a marine biologist when they grew up and he could listen to Kenny nerd out for hours despite having no idea what he was talking about. 

Kenny took his hand as they walked inside. They were both idiots, so of course when it came time to pay for their entry, they both slapped their cards against the machine and left it up to god. 

[citrinesparkles]

doctor todd.

jason todd x gender neutral vigilante!reader. 1,875 words. notes: requested by @jason-redhood as part of my hundred followers celebration! this got a lot longer than i intended, oopsies. thanks for requesting- hope you enjoy! warnings: tending wounds, mentions of food.

"y'know, lurking outside somebody's window is a good way to get yourself shot," jason called over his shoulder.

"i'll keep that in mind," you said, voice strained enough to shoot dread into his veins and draw his attention completely away from his work.

he set the gun he had been cleaning on the table and twisted around to find you gingerly sliding through the open window.

"hey," you mumbled, giving him a weak wave after your boots hit the floor. "sorry for not calling, i just..."

you were backlit, the glow of the city making it impossible to see your features from the dining area- but your posture alone was enough to have him shoving his chair back and crossing his apartment.

"how bad?" he asked, stopping a few steps back, now able to make out the tears in your suit and the bruises around your mask.

"pretty sure i sprained my wrist, and there's a poorly-bandaged gash on my leg, but otherwise i'm peachy."

"how bad's the leg?"

"i'm... not sure. bad enough that i think i need your help." you patted the windowsill with a gloved hand. "obviously."

he nodded and slid to your good side, gently resting a hand on your shoulder. "okay. c'mon, my stuff's in the bathroom."

-

"here." he handed you a pair of shorts and a large tank top. "change into this so i can get to the wounds, okay? i'll be right out here if you need anything."

-

"you're good!" you called.

he nudged the bathroom door back open and scooped your uniform up from the floor, carefully putting it in a canvas bag and tying the handles together before setting it in the tub to deal with later. "alright," he sighed, turning back to face you.

his clothes looked way too right on you, he realized, a wave of emotion he would vehemently deny surging through his chest and pushing heat to his neck and cheeks.

"alright?"

"okay. alright. uh-" he jerked a thumb at the counter- "up here, i guess, so i can see your leg."

you propped one foot on the toilet lid and braced your good hand against his shoulder, his hands instinctively coming up to hover around your waist as you pushed yourself up and settled next to the sink.

the grateful smile you gave him was enough to tug his lips into a smile of his own.

"you're up, doctor todd," you teased.

he stepped forward with a halfhearted eyeroll, fingers brushing the cloth tied hastily around your leg. "can i take this off?"

"go ahead."

he tugged gently at the knot, wincing when you inhaled sharply. "sorry."

the scrap fell away, revealing dried blood and an open wound on the outside of your thigh.

"yeesh, that is nasty," he said.

you scoffed lightly. "gee, thanks."

"hey, if you wanted a nice doctor, you probably should have gone somewhere else." he shifted to the side, grabbing a clean cloth and bottle of alcohol. "fair warning, you're really not gonna like me here in a minute."

your quick "i seriously doubt that." was greeted with a grin that felt a little too fond for his liking.

he told himself it was for your benefit.

...yeah, that sounded good.

he could live with that.

-

he made quick work of cleaning the gash, doing his best to distract you by making stupid small talk about the horrible movie he'd sat through that morning because the tv remote had been out of reach and the mediocre new coffee shop with dry blueberry muffins.

"was the coffee okay, at least?"

"okay, yeah, but not 'five-dollars-fifty' okay. if i hadn't been falling asleep in line i probably would have left when i saw the price."

"there's a nice one up by my place, they make the best blueberry muffins ever."

he hummed. "i'll keep that in mind, next time i'm over that way." he leaned back, studying your cut. "i think stitches would probably be smart."

you groaned. "of course they would."

"i'm okay to do them- i do them on myself- but if you want i can give you a lift to a hospital or something."

"no. if you can, i want you to do them. i trust you."

he sat with that for a minute, searching your face for any hesitation. when he found none, he nodded. "okay."

-

as you both expected, it sucked.

to make things worse, he was rapidly running out of mindless things to talk about.

how many times could two people really argue about pizza toppings before it got old?

-

"alright, done."

"holy shit, finally." you slumped back, leaning on your good hand for a moment before your head snapped back up. "no, not like- i meant thank you, you did great, i'm not being an ingrate-"

"i know, relax." he nudged your knee with a goofy smile. "here, gimme your wrist."

you pouted (which, yes, that was also adorable, much to his dismay), carefully stretching your bad arm out.

he took your hand gently, scooping it up in one of his and bracing your forearm up with his other. "it's actually not too bad, considering you hit hard enough to tear your glove. i'm gonna clean the scrapes here up, though, okay?"

"do i really get a choice?"

"it's your body, so, yeah."

you sighed dramatically. "fine, if you insist. go ahead, clean my wounds for me."

-

he was quiet this time, focusing intently on removing bits of dirt and stuff from your raw palm with a set of tweezers.

trying to ignore the way your eyes seemed to linger on him now that he was looking down.

he set the tweezers aside, glancing up at you to find you smiling at him thoughtfully, and dropped his gaze just as quickly as he had lifted it. "what, you enjoying making me do all the work?"

"you could say that, yeah."

he scoffed. "well, you're going to enjoy it a lot less in a second. time for the alcohol again."

"ugh."

-

he managed to dig up an old wrist brace in the back of his sock drawer. a little big for you, but it would work for now, he figured.

"may i?"

you nodded and held your arm back out for him to loop the brace over your thumb and tuck the velcro strap under and around, pulling it snug against your skin before sticking it to itself.

-

"last one, tough stuff." he pointed at your cheek, where a small patch of dried blood stained your skin. "ready?'

you nodded tiredly. "let's just get this over with. this counter isn't as comfortable as it looks."

he chuckled, dampening the softest cloth he had and wringing it out. "sorry, i didn't think i needed to get an apartment with counter cushions." he raised his left hand up, hovering an inch or so below your chin. "uh, can i..?"

your eyes widened, glancing at his hand. "oh, uh, sure. yeah."

he moved slowly, raising it to cup your chin softly with his middle and forefinger on one side and thumb on the other. "this okay?"

"mhm." your eyes slid shut and he could almost believe that you sank into his touch.

if it wasn't absolutely insane, anyway. his touch wasn't exactly the kind people sank into- much less people like you. people that good, that caring, that stunning? yeah, no.

he tilted your head to the side slightly, rubbing gentle circles across your cheekbone with the cloth and watching as the blood faded.

"so, who did this?" he asked softly, casually.

apparently not casually enough, though, because you snorted at him. "why, you think you need to go avenge me? defend my honor or something?"

"no! i'm just curious. just... making conversation."

your eyes opened, amusement dancing in them and threatening to hypnotize him. "good. i shouldn't have to tell you who won that fight, jay."

"well, i mean, you are missing a chunk of your thigh."

"aw, is the big bad vigilante worried about lil old me?"

he squeezed your face gently, pushing your cheeks up and forward into a goofy fish face. "it's rude to tease the guy tending to your wounds, babe."

he definitely didn't imagine your breath hitching. "babe, huh?" you asked playfully.

"shut up," he grumbled. "don't make me regret helping."

-

"alright, looks like that's the last scrape. you're all cleaned up."

"thanks, jason." you smiled up at him, soft and warm and genuine. "i really appreciate this."

"yeah, yeah." he squeezed your jaw again. "try not to make it a habit."

"mhm." a moment passed quietly before you spoke quietly. "so, you gonna do something here, or can i have my face back?"

he froze.

your mouth- which he was really trying not to look at- shifted into a confident smirk, a challenge written clearly in the angle of your lips.

your eyes, bright under the harsh lighting, told a different story. one of vulnerability, and want, and something close to fear.

"do you want me to?" his voice was hoarser than he'd intended, and he swore you could hear his heartbeat echoing in it.

your gaze dipped to his lips. "would it make everything super weird?"

"you just came crawling through my window in the middle of the night in a mask and kevlar. i think things are already weird."

he felt your hum under his fingers. "then why not?"

"do you really want me to answer that?"

"jason, will you please just kiss me already?"

"well, you did say please." he leaned in slowly, giving you every opportunity to slip away or yell 'sike!'

all you did was bring your good hand up to his collar and pull him towards you.

your lips were soft and gentle, and the way they pulled upwards slightly when his hand slid from your jaw to cup your cheek was something he'd be thinking about for weeks.

when he eventually pulled back, it took him a moment to open his eyes. he was half convinced that if he did, it would be to his bedroom ceiling, the past half an hour all a dream.

instead, he found your fond gaze.

"finally."

he let out a huff of laughter, thumb running over your cheek. "you should stay here tonight."

"w-"

"not like that," he clarified quickly. "you have stitches, you shouldn't go leaping across rooftops tonight. i can take the couch."

"hm." you smoothed out his shirt collar, the barely-there brush of your fingers against his shoulder almost tugging a whine out of him. "or i can take the couch, and then you can take me home in the morning and let me treat you to an actual blueberry muffin."

"are you asking me out?" it was a teasing comment, paired with a tiny smirk meant to fluster you.

but it was also a reality check.

you seemed to catch the second meaning. "yeah, i am. would you, please, let me take you out on a date?"

"i'll have to check my calenda-"

"you're so full of it."

"yeah, probably."

"is that a yes?"

he laughed, bringing his other hand up to squeeze your knee. "yeah, i can let you take me on a date. i could use a good muffin."

[elftwink]

no thoughts only taakitz superhero/villain coffeeshop au. taako’s power is shapeshifting but he has a cool gun from lup. kravitz’s power is Big Fuckin Scythe With Unspecified Abilities. also there was no time to get into it but fantasy starbucks isn’t a real starbucks it’s a borderline illegal unaffiliated bootleg starbucks that taako and lup own. like dumb starbucks was.

By all rights, it should have been a fairly routine night for the Reaper. Go out, stop some crimes, arrive just in time to prevent whatever scheme the Mongoose had cooked up this week, exchange some one liners, make some threats that essentially amounted to ‘same time next week?’, the works. A regular Tuesday as a superhero in Neverwinter.

But Kravitz is tired, and more than a little distracted, so he’s not doing so hot on the one liners, and the Mongoose’s attacks are a little closer than they would normally be. He doesn’t even have a good excuse, it’s not like he’s injured, or that he has anything pressing to think of.

It was just— this morning his barista (who he may or may not have been harbouring a small crush on) had mentioned offhand that he thought the Reaper was ‘probably hot under the stupid all-black getup’, and Kravitz didn’t really know what the protocol was for someone complimenting your alter-ego was.

“I think if you were gonna go for the strong silent type, you had to start doing it months ago. Now it’s just acting like an asshole. Are you mad at me?” the Mongoose cuts into his thoughts, firing off another few missiles from his stupid umbrella gun (Umbrastaff, he called it, although it was a gun and not a staff so Kravitz had no idea why he insisted on calling it that).

“We are literally fighting as we speak,” says Kravitz, playing up the cockney accent, spinning his scythe to deflect the missiles off the blade, sending them ricocheting around the room. He’d said something like ‘how can you tell’ to Taako— the barista (well, they’d been on a first name basis for a few weeks, so, Taako), and he’d said ‘I can just tell’ which was not at all helpful in getting Kravitz through the conversation without saying or doing something to give himself away.

He’d almost given Taako his number, but how was he going to justify that? Hey, it’s me under the all black getup. Do you want to go out sometime? As if.

“You can have fights without being fuckin’ rude,” says the Mongoose, firing off another few rounds, which Kravitz deflects again, advancing on him.

“You’re right, sorry. I’m a bit scattered. Not exactly my A game.” As if to prove his point, the Mongoose easily dodges his next couple swings with the scythe, not even bothering to leave his range.

“Clearly. I mean, normally you’re at least close enough that I can feel the breeze from your sword.”

“It’s not a sword, and you know that.” Kravitz brings down the scythe in the space where the Mongoose was only seconds before, having already backflipped out of the way and landed a few metres back. Show off. Not that Kravitz had room to complain about that. The Mongoose spins to face him again, at least this time seemingly aware of what a close call that was. He’s tense, and his hair, which Kravitz supposes has thus far been hidden underneath his costume, has come somewhat unravelled, black braid falling to the middle of his back.

It seems... familiar?

He doesn’t have time for that right now. Kravitz draws back the scythe, feeling the hum of energy under his fingers, swinging again, and—

“Wait! Time out!” the Mongoose puts up a hand and Kravitz, for who knows what reason, stops his scythe mid-swing. The familiarity sticks, so it’s not just a trick of the light. It takes him a second to place, but the hairstyle... it looks a lot like a certain barista he’d been spending all night thinking about.

He shakes his head, trying to clear it. It’s because he has Taako on the brain, is all. Besides, he has other things to worry about besides seeing his crush in his enemy. Namely the fight currently happening with said enemy. “What? You can’t call a time out.”

“I just did,” says the Mongoose, fishing through his pockets and pulling out several bobby pins, sticking them in his mouth so he can use both hands to fix his hair. Kravitz blinks, still trying to shake off the sense of deja vu, but it won’t quit nagging him. “It’s a whole safety issue to leave long hair down.”

“It’s still in a braid,” retorts Kravitz.

“Somebody never took Foodsafe.” the Mongoose gives him a lopsided grin that Kravitz fucking knows he’s seen before, and suddenly it’s more than just passing familiarity, and how could he possibly have not noticed before, and— the Mongoose finishes putting up his hair, raising an eyebrow at Kravitz and his private crisis. “Alright. Ready—”

“You work at Fantasy Starbucks,” blurts Kravitz, without even thinking about it. The Mongoose stops dead in his tracks, and Kravitz can see his eyes widen even behind the mask. He splutters for a moment, and then seems to find his footing, already ready with a snarky remark.

“Yeah, well— your accent is fake.”

Shit. He’d forgotten. At the only time so far that having it would have been useful too. Still, he pushes it out of his mind; the Mongoose hadn’t denied it. And, well, he’s already solidly derailed this fight, so he might as well get some real confirmation out of it.

“...Taako? It is you, isn’t it?”

“Just who the fuck are y—” The Mongoose— Taako— levels the Umbrastaff at him, and then stops again. “...Kravitz?”

Well. Shit. Again. Kravitz doesn’t bother to affirm that; his silence is more than enough confirmation. One of them has to say or do something, but the seconds stretch on.

“You’re telling me I said all that shit to your face this morning?” says Taako.

“That’s what you’re worried about right now?”

“Uh, yeah—” Taako is backing up now, and they’ve fought enough times that Kravitz knows when the Mongoose is looking for an escape route; Kravitz’s feet still feel glued to the floor, even when Taako reaches the window, fingers already turning to talons around the Umbrastaff. Taako breaks the glass (because of course he does, even though the windows aren’t even fucking locked), breaking eye contact with Kravitz in order to swing his legs through the window before his form changes too much. “Look, this is like, a lot right now, and I— I’m getting the fuck out of here,” he says, and then drops. Whatever had been keeping Kravitz in place, slack jawed, ends as soon as Taako leaves his sight, and he’s moving before he has time to think about it.

“Wait—!” Kravitz runs for the window, but by the time he gets there, the bird clutching the Umbrastaff is nearly out of sight.

Well. That could have gone better.

***

Kravitz doesn’t go for his coffee the next day. Or the next day, either, although the day after that he’s sick of making his own coffee. And frankly, he misses chatting with Taako. Even if the guy was trying to kill him like once a week. He couldn’t just avoid this forever.

Still, the fact that Taako is working cash when he comes in makes him want to turn tail and run back home. He conjures up the memory of yesterday’s shitty coffee and pushes onward. The shop is mostly empty still, so there’s no line.

“The usual?” says Taako, like nothing abnormal has happened.

“Please,” says Kravitz, and then, before he can chicken out entirely, adds, “Uhm, do you have a few minutes?”

“My shift isn’t over until—”

“I’ll cover you,” comes Lup’s voice from the back room; she pokes her head out and gives Taako a look that is clearly significant, but that Kravitz can’t quite puzzle out. “Take five minutes after you’re done making his coffee.”

Taako scowls at her, and she smiles brightly before heading to the back again.

“Okay. I guess I have five minutes. Talk to you after I make your coffee.”

Kravitz nods, and goes to hover around the pickup counter, pretending to be interested in things on his phone. Taako makes his coffee in a ceramic mug, which at least means he doesn’t want Kravitz to get the fuck out as soon as possible, so that’s... something.

Taako slides the finished coffee across the counter, circling around to join Kravitz on the customer side as Kravitz grabs the mug.

“Lup!” he hollers, and then starts walking towards one of the corner booths without checking to see if his sister is headed to cash or if Kravitz is following. Kravitz does, though, sliding himself into the seat opposite Taako, hands wrapped tightly around the mug.

Taako speaks first. “To be honest, I kinda thought you would rat me out.”

“That would be shitty of me, to just sic authorities on your place of work without so much as a warning.”

“So is this the warning?”

“No,” says Kravitz, taking a sip of his coffee, “I... can’t really make coffee without burning it. And this is the only place for miles with tolerable muffins.”

Taako cracks a grin, like Kravitz knew he would. “Flattery will get you nowhere.” His smile falls, and he crosses his arms and leans back. “So. Reaper. Why didn’t you rat me out?”

Why indeed. Kravitz takes another sip of his coffee and thinks for a second, not even sure himself what his explanation will be once he starts talking.

“It didn’t seem... fair. You’re less of a villain and more of a pain in my ass—” Kravitz ignores Taako’s indignant noise and keeps talking, “—and while we always have cause to fight when on the clock, you’re not doing anything that I feel needs to leave the bounds of those... work hours, I guess.”

Taako is trying to pick him apart with his gaze; it’s something he’s been subjected to several times, although normally in costume, and in retrospect it’s difficult to imagine how he spent so long not noticing the Mongoose in Taako.

Whatever Taako is looking for, he must find it, because he relaxes a bit, and shoots him a lazy grin. “Plus, Mongoose related insurance just got rolling and it would be fuckin’ rude to take me out of commission before anyone got to use theirs.”

Kravitz laughs. “Sure.” He’s silent for a second, before adding, “You aren’t planning on revealing my secret identity, are you? Awfully rude of you to double cross me like that.”

“Wha— You didn’t even give me a chance to respond! Maybe I wasn’t!”

“Were you?”

“I was,” admits Taako, not even pretending to look sheepish. Kravitz raises his eyebrows, and Taako shrugs. “Oh, like you didn’t think about revealing my secret identity? And could you imagine the hype if I unmasked the Reaper? I was tempted.” He sighs. “But I figured then you’d have no reason to keep my identity a secret. No way am I risking a backfire like that.”

It sounds callous, but Kravitz has been talking to Taako almost daily for months; at this point, he can pretty reliably pick up on when Taako isn’t being entirely truthful about something.

“Hmm. Then I suppose it’d be in my best interest not to tell you that I wouldn’t reveal your identity even if you revealed mine?”

Taako narrows his eyes. “Why not?”

Kravitz makes a face. “It’s just in poor taste. I just think we all go through all the trouble to hide who we are and use these powers for good— or whatever it is you do— that it’s always going to be such a low blow to reveal who we are. There might be times where it’s necessary, but petty revenge is not one of them.”

Taako’s expression hasn’t changed; if anything, he’s narrowed his eyes more. “God, you are like— fuckin’ irritatingly nice. Fine. I wasn’t going to reveal your identity. That would be fuckin’ annoying to deal with. Plus I’m having fun.”

“Fun?”

“Oh don’t— don’t fucking lie to me. I know you’re having fun out there too. With your stupid accent and one liners and shit.”

“Alright, alright,” says Kravitz, rolling his eyes. “But I’m not supposed to be having fun, so keep it quiet.”

“See, that’s why I market myself as a villain. No dumb rules.” He puts an elbow on the table and leans on his hand. “Why do you have a fake accent anyway?”

Heat rises to Kravitz’s face, and he’s hoping he looks less embarrassed than he feels. “It’s my— I do it so people don’t recognize my voice.”

Taako laughs. “Well, it doesn’t really do that if you immediately stop using it when you realize you might know someone.”

“I was caught off guard!” defends Kravitz. “It’s not every day you find out your nemesis is your barista.”

“Nemesis, huh?” Taako grins. “Didn’t realize it was that serious to you. You know I have other heroes to fight.”

Kravitz rolls his eyes again. “I don’t see how you have the time, considering how often you’re causing trouble for me.”

Taako laughs, and it’s so contagious and the whole conversation is so surreal Kravitz can’t help but laugh too, before they both lapse into a comfortable, if drawn out, silence.

“So, uh,” says Taako eventually, “what now?”

“Well,” says Kravitz, “I want to keep coming in for coffee in the mornings. And I assume the Mongoose will continue with... whatever chaos it is you currently have planned.”

“It’s not chaos,” insists Taako, “I have plans. But yeah. And I assume the Reaper is gonna show up and throw a wrench in those plans?”

“Yes, probably. So we’ll just be enemies by night...” Kravitz trails off, not entirely sure how to refer to their by day relationship. Friends? Potential love interests? Acquaintances? There’s a few seconds of awkward silence before Kravitz gives up entirely.

Taako pulls and pen and a napkin out of his pocket, jotting something down and pushing it towards Kravitz.

“Here’s, uh, here’s my number. If you give me a heads up five minutes before you get here, we can have your coffee ready by the time you walk in. If you’re nice to me out there.”

“I don’t take bribes,” says Kravitz, grabbing the napkin and pulling out his phone to type in the number.

“That wasn’t a bribe, it was a threat. You don’t even wanna know what I’ll do to your coffee if you fuck me up.”

Kravitz doesn’t bother to point out that neither of them have ever caused any extreme bodily harm to one another and instead says, “So you’re asking me to go easy on you? I thought you were having fun.” He sends Taako a ‘hey it’s kravitz’ text before he has time to second guess himself.

“Could you stop poking holes in my threats? You’re harshing my fuckin’ vibe, Krav.” He sounds irritated, but Kravitz can see the smile tugging at his lips as he texts Kravitz a couple of skull emojis. “I should get back to work before my sister kicks my ass,” he says, standing back up. “I’ll see you tonight, nemesis.” Then he turns on his heels and heads back to the counter, saying something to Lup as he walks by. Kravitz watches him disappear into the back room.

Tonight.

Kravitz had better make sure he had hung his cloak up to dry.

[whimsicallyreading]

You Don’t Even Go Here

Day Two for Rowaelin Month

A college AU

~

Aelin grins mischievously as she walks up the stairs of the men's dorm at Terresan University. The teal-blue waffle iron clutched under her arm.

Aedion didn't really need it. It had been on the fifty-percent-off rack at the supermarket, and he'd simply thrown it in the cart for good measure. Yet, when Aelin saw the box for it laying the hall, she'd seen opportunity.

It had hit her harder than she'd thought. Aedion leaving. They'd been raised like siblings but grew up something closer to best friends. It wasn't fair that he was nearly three years older and ready to leave when she wasn't prepared for him to go.

Aelin had cried the whole car ride home. Then when they finally got back to the house, she'd called him right away. He could hear how teary she was and happily obliged her call. Narrating his actions as he went about setting up his dorm room. He teased her about missing him, but she could tell that he missed her too.

So, armed with an excuse to visit him, Aelin made the hour-long drive to visit her cousin.

Aelin was halfway up the stairs but not paying too much attention to her surroundings. She was too busy repeating Aedion's room number over in her head because no matter how many times she checked her phone, it just wouldn't stick in her head. Maybe if she'd focused a little more on the things happening around her, she wouldn't have crashed into a half-naked man.

A solid and calloused hand darts out and grips her shoulder before she can go tumbling down the stairs. Its twin desperately clutching the towel wrapped around his waist.

Aelin looks up apologetically, and her jaw nearly falls to the floor. His white hair was still damp from the shower and swooped over the top of his head, and his biceps were too large for Aelin to wrap both hands around. An intricate tattoo coils elegantly from a cheekbone and down the length of his body.

He was a man indeed. Nothing like Chaol or Dorian or any of her junior friends. This was a new breed of man. The apex kind. Aelin is pretty sure she looks like a deer in the headlights, and she's too busy ogling him to understand the words he'd been repeating to her.

"Are you okay?" His eyebrows are furrowed as if he's afraid he'd literally struck her stupid. Aelin felt that wasn't far from the truth.

"Yes, sorry," she apologizes as she steps back, suddenly very aware of how in his personal space she was. "I wasn't paying attention. You just caught me by surprise."

Aelin was definitely panicking. Where was her swagger when she needed it most? Why would it choose now to abandon her?

By some miracle, he doesn't seem off-put by her awkwardness. In fact, a smile curls the edges of his lips, revealing a set of dimples that made her heart stumble.

Gods he had dimples.

"No, I ran into you. It's my fault. My name is Rowan.”

He holds out a hand, and Aelin shakes it clumsily. "I'm Aelin."

"Aelin." She loves the way her name rolls off his tongue. "I haven't seen you around before. Are you a freshman?"

Oh no. Aelin's eyes widen, but she recovers swiftly and smooths her features out. Rowan thinks she's a student. Not some crazy high schooler too emotionally dependent on her cousin.

"I'm actually a junior," Aelin laughs at his perplexed expression. "I don't go here, though. I'm just stopping by to drop off some things my cousin forgot."

White lies. What was a white lie worth? Aelin likely wouldn't ever see him again, and is it so wrong for a girl to enjoy some harmless attention? If Aelin spent more time thinking about it, she probably wouldn't like the answers she'd come up with, but that was neither here nor there.

"Is that a waffle maker?" Rowan's green eyes glint with amusement.

"My cousin loves to eat. What year are you?" Aelin crosses her fingers that he's the same age as Aedion and not a senior or something. Her cousin would murder her if he found out she flirted with a man five years older.

"Don't we all? I'm a sophomore, a bit younger than you, I suppose." Rowan drags a hand through his hair. "Listen, I know you came to see your cousin, but maybe I could get your number, and we could get a cup of coffee before you head out?"

Was this really happening? Aelin inwardly squealed with excitement. Lysandra would die when she recounted this story later. "Sure."

Just as she pulled her phone from her pocket, an all too familiar voice materialized behind her. "Aelin?"

Aedion smiles as he lays eyes on his beloved cousin. He takes a couple steps down the stairs, and that grin quickly fades as he sees the naked man.

Oops, she'd forgotten that detail.

"Rowan?" Aedion's eyes harden as they lock on Rowan. "Why the hell are you ogling my cousin with no clothes on?"

"You know him?" Aelin swears under her breath. She cannot believe her luck.

Aedion laughs coldly as he sizes up Rowan, "He's my roommate, but he's about to be a corpse. Why are you perving on my seventeen-year-old cousin?"

Rowan's looks between the bewildered. "You said you were a junior?"

Aedion laughs harshly as Aelin blushes. "I am...just in highschool. Not college. I told you I didn't go here."

"I didn't realize I was rooming with a pedophile," Aedion grabs Aelin and pulls her to his chest. "Was he bothering you?"

"Pedophile?" Rowan's dimples have disappeared, and he looks at Aedion disturbed. "I'm only nineteen!"

Aelin shoves away from Aedion's boorish grip. "The only one bothering me is you."

Rowan's cheeks are flushed red as the full impact of the situation they were found in dawns on him. Damn it if Aelin didn't find his blush endearing. He is a solid chunk of muscle. How is everything he does so cute?

"Look, I just got out of the shower, and I bumped into Aelin. It was an accident. She was just on her way to give you your waffle maker-"

"You brought my waffle maker?" Aedion cuts Rowan off, eyeing the box under her arm.

That's when Aelin sees it. The twinkle of mischief in his eye and the forced concern. Aedion was playing her. He obviously knew Rowan wasn't a creep and saw the perfect opportunity to cause chaos. Aelin scowls at him, and that spark grows brighter. It's moments like this she wonders why she ever missed her cousin in the first place.

Aedion tugs the box out of her grasp and smiles. "Wow. This is perfect timing. Vaughn and Fen were just talking about making breakfast for dinner." He looks at Aelin and forces a frown. "If I'd known you were coming, I would have invited you, but it would kind of be rude to bring a guest now."

"What?" Aelin sputters. She drove all this way, and he was really going to ditch her? It was embarrassing, but tears prickled at the edges of her eyes. He was an ass, but she obviously came because she missed him, and he didn't even care? She really thought they were closer than that.

"Yeah. Sorry, Lin." Aedion points at Rowan, who was just standing to the side, thoroughly uncomfortable. Yet, despite the awkwardness, he hadn't left. "Hey, you owe me one for creeping on my little cousin. Earn my trust back and see that she has something for dinner and gets to her car safely? She has my phone number, one bad text, and your ass is grass."

Aedion tosses her a wink, and it's all Aelin can do to keep from outright gaping. Rowan looks stunned, his eyes darting between the two Ashryvver's. They settle on Aelin for a moment too long. Some of the tension eases from his shoulders, and he smiles. "I think I can manage that."

"Good." Aedion turns back up the stairs pats the box. "Thanks for bringing it to me, Lin. I'll call you tomorrow, don't send me to voicemail."

Just like that, her cousin, a walking, talking agent-of-chaos, disappears back to wherever he came from.

"So," Rowan starts, "If you want, I know a perfect Italian place we could swing by, my treat seeing as I plowed into you."

Aelin frowns and fiddles with the end of her necklace. "You aren't upset that I lied?"

"You didn't lie." Rowan chuckles, a deep sound that sends a shiver of delight down Aelin's spine. "You don't go here."

Aelin tilts her head as if she's deeply considering the offer. "I suppose it couldn't hurt. What's good there?"

"They have an awesome kabob." Rowan tugs his towel tighter. "It's my favorite."

It's Aelin's turn to laugh. "Isn't that just meat on a stick?"

"Let's go, and I can show you how profoundly wrong you are," he moves to take a step down, but Aelin stops him with a hand to the shoulder. "What is it?"

Aelin points to his towel, "I don't think they will serve guests without pants."

The flush that Aelin loves his back full force as he scrambles the other direction up the stairs. "Shit. Give me five minutes. I'll be right back. Aedion better have not locked out or I swear-"

Rowan's embarrassed tirade quiets as he charges up to his dorm to change. Aelin smiling as he goes. She can't believe she's going out to dinner with a guy like that.

Opening her phone, she sends a quick heart emoji to her cousin. He instantly replies back with one of his own. Aedion may have moved to college, but he still had her back at the end of the day. Even if it wasn't in the most ideal way.

Rowan comes back down the stairs moments later, and she's not disappointed by what she sees. He took the time to put on a flannel shirt and comb some gel through his hair. While the view without clothes had been pleasant, Aelin could definitely appreciate this look too.

"I'm ready if you are," Rowan extends an arm to help her down the stairs.

It's such a fussy, old-man move, and she loves it.

"Let's go."

[beccascribbles]

kita, kunimi, iwa, and kenji w a shy gf that comes to their games?

a/n - omg 'shy gf' kind of me though

you turned to face kita's grandmother, pulling at the hem of your sweatshirt. the day before, you had sat with his grandmother as she helped you embroider kita's name and number on the back, and inarizaki on the front. she reached over, taking your hand and giving it a small squeeze.

"he's really happy you decided to come," she explained, hand patting at your thigh as both your gazes turned to face the volleyball court, where inarizaki had just appeared. she recalled with a fond smile. “you should’ve seen him this morning, pacing around the house. i don’t think he’s been more excited for a game before. he told me to keep an eye on you. i’m sure he told you to look after me too.”

“yeah, he did,” you replied, glancing down briefly at your hands joined in your lap. when you glanced back upwards, kita’s gaze was focused on you, his hand raised in a wave. beside you, his grandmother was waving enthusiastically, beaming down at her grandson. hesitantly, you lifted your hand in response, a slight smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. you mouthed, “good luck.”

he nodded in thanks before turning around and shifting his attention back to the team. now that his back was to you, you couldn’t see the wide grin splitting his face. from your position in the stands, you couldn’t hear the teasing remark thrown his way by atsumu, or see the resulting flush that crept up kita’s cheeks.

as the game progressed, you found yourself getting lost in the excitement of it, leaning forward in your seat with mouth agape. you were so lost in what was happening on the court you didn’t notice the small looks kita kept shooting at you, the glances enough to reassure him that you were fine, coupled with the looks his grandmother would give him.

at the games conclusion, you stood from your seat, clapping loudly and grinning down at him proudly. it didn’t matter to you that he had only played for a small portion of the game. the result was the team’s win, and a testament to him as a captain.

“well done, kita,” you cheered, voice not loud enough to carry above the sound of the band. he read it on your face anyway, and, when he was able to reach his phone, messaged you telling you where to meet him.

you turned to his grandmother, offering her your hand. it was with her help that you navigated the crowds, the woman’s presence calming, a reminder that you weren’t alone. but, when you were about to arrive, she turned to you, her hand resting on your shoulder.

“i’m going to go outside to get some fresh air,” she said, smiling kindly at you. “come meet me when you’ve finished congratulating him.”

“wait,” you stammered, about to plead with her to stay, not welcoming the idea of suddenly being alone. you words were cut off when you flinched at the feel of somebody’s hand wrapping around yours.

“hey, calm down,” soothed kita, stepping into your line of sight. he began to rub the back of your hand with his thumb soothingly. “it’s just me.”

“shin,” you gasped, reaching forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. his own went around you in response, one hand cradling the back of your head. “you won! it was incredible.”

he let out a low laugh, letting his head drop slightly to rest against your own. he murmured into your hair, “thanks for coming.”

your hands clutch at the material of his jacket, holding tight as you calm your breathing. he has a couple more minutes until the team are meeting up, having arrived early so they could watch the game before their own. after receiving the text message from you though, he was quick to leave, slipping away before anyone could stop him.

realistically, he should have know he'd find you hovering outside the entrance, uncertain of whether you should enter or not. however, he is slightly surprised when you rush towards him, hands immediately clutching at his jacket as you press your head against his chest. he lets out a sigh, reaching up to pat your head, ruffling the hair there slightly.

"i should probably show you to the stands," he explains, looking down at you as he steps back, extending his hand. you take it, stepping in closer to press against his arm. he doesn't hate being this close to you, enjoys it really. he feels secure knowing that you trust him so completely to protect you. it's why he doesn't complain too much at the effort it takes to do so.

as you walk, him guiding you to a spot in the standards, you talk away to him, filling him in on your morning, the tv show you started watching last night. it shocked him at first, how open you were with him, how all your shyness seemed to disappear momentarily. it's a comforting feeling to know that you trust him this much, that you know you can open up to him. he nods along, letting you talking, occasionally interjecting if he feels the need to do so. the conversation puts you at ease, and you can almost forget that you will soon be sitting in the stands alone.

kunimi doesn't really acknowledge your sudden fear, moving to unzip his jacket and drape it over you shoulders, the smallest of smiles curling his lips. "now you look like a part of the team."

you look down at the ground, shifting your weight from foot to foot as you slide your arms into the material. it's warm and smells like kunimi, immediately putting you at ease. he knew it would, knew you would need something to make you feel more comfortable in this new environment.

"don't expect me to do anything too fancy," he says, brushing a quick kiss to your lips. hard to repress, a smirk pulls at your lips.

"i never do. now go out there and play well."

you hesitate, looking over at where iwaizumi is celebrating with his teammates. they've just won their quarter final match. they deserve to celebrate together, you reason, wrapping your arms around yourself. it would make sense that they wouldn't want you involved. you glance down at the teal and white sleeves of the jacket, wondering if you should go over there and return it to him. he should stay warm after a match, and you have your own coat. you'd only put on his jacket because he'd insisted, zipping it up for you and placing a kiss to your cheek - a little pre-game ritual that had begun the first game you attended as his girlfriend. after a little longer contemplating, you decide to just message him. it would be rude to impose.

"y/n!" calls the voice of your boyfriend, and your head jerks upwards just as his eyes find you in the crowd. you give him a small smile and gesture at him, telling him he should go with the team, that you'll be fine. iwaizumi simply rolls his eyes slightly, walking over to you and pulling you into a hug so tight it is nothing short of a miracle that your ribs weren't cracked. "i'm not leaving you, stupid. you're part of the team and shittykawa's paying."

"i don't know, haji," you say uncertainly, pulling at the jacket sleeves. you look over his shoulder to see them watching you, oikawa with a wide smile on his face, his arms slung over matsukawa's and hanamaki's shoulders. "it's a team thing and i don't know... won't it be weird?"

"weird?" he questions, cocking his head slightly. you nod at his question, but don't resist when he winds an arm around your waist and tugs you into him, beginning to walk towards the waiting third years. "don't be ridiculous. they're your friends, aren't they?"

the third years were. it would be very difficult to be iwaizumi's girlfriend without also being friends with the other third years. after all, oikawa had been particularly nosy, enlisting the help of hanamaki to spy on your first date (and a few more after that until iwaizumi had seen him and given him a solid punch to the gut).

"oikawa, makki and mattsun are," you sigh, casting a worried glance over at the second and first years hovering in the distance.

"then what's the problem?"

"i just..." his eyes followed your gaze and he nodded, seeming to understand. he looked over at oikawa, hand doing a subtle shooing motion as he cocked his head slightly towards the door. oikawa nodded in response, wheeling matsukawa and hanamaki around. he shouted out for the rest of the team to get going in the process, leaving you and iwaizumi alone in the corridor.

it was then iwaizumi turned to face you, hands going up to hold each side of your face. his eyes met yours, and he held your gaze steadily.

"you've got nothing to be nervous about," he reassured, pressing his forehead against yours. "they'll all really great guys and i'll be there with you. if it's too much for you, we'll leave, okay?"

you nodded in response, and a grin split his face as he reached down to grab your hand, fingers interlocking with your own.

"tch," futakuchi tutted, eyes immediately locating you. in fairness, it wasn't a very good place to hide. you were the one point of stillness in the bustling hallway, leaning up against the wall with your phone held in a death grip. something told him you weren't looking at anything of importance, and this was confirmed when he got closer to you and saw you had neglected to open any apps. he commented in a drawl, "if you're going to pretend to be on your phone, at least do a better job of it."

"shit," you cursed, spinning to face him, a hand resting on top of your chest, where your heart raced. "you scared the crap out of me."

“come on,” he said, holding his hand out to you. “the team are waiting for us. we’re watching the next game.”

you took his hand with reluctance, letting him begin guiding you towards where the team was waiting. sweat was collating on your palms, and you were certain futakuchi was aware of this fact, the slight purse of his lips a tell tale sign. it wasn’t that you didn’t like the team (most of them were great and made you feel at ease), it was that some of the players intimidated you, in particular a rather tall and excitable first year.

“kenji...” you breathed, tugging at his hand to indicate to him that you wanted to stop. he turned to you with a frustrated sigh, the irritation leaving his face as soon as his eyes fall on yours. you looked at him with trepidation, fingers tightening around his. “maybe i should watch somewhere else?”

for a moment, he stood there in silence, seeming to weigh up the best way to approach this. he had only been given permission by the coach to find you, not to sit in another place. he was also of the opinion that you should be pushed out of your comfort zone more to encourage you to gain confidence. he used his grip on your hand to steer you towards an empty alcove, only releasing you when you were firmly placed in front of him.

“you’re watching with me,” he stated firmly, hands reaching out to run down your sides, the motion soothing, “and i’m watching with the team. if it makes you feel better, i can put you between me and aone.”

you nodded slightly at that. it was a well known fact that aone was the person you were closest to on the team other than futakuchi. people often commented how odd it was that you two had a relationship, struggling to see how either of you had took the first step in communicating.

“you’ll be fine,” he reassured, leaning forward to place a kiss to your lips, hands tightening on your waist to pull you flush against him. your hands rested on his shoulders, fingers curling into the material there as you returned the kiss. he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. “it’ll be fine, okay?”

“okay,” you agreed, hands moving up from his shoulders to interlock behind his neck. his arms tightened around you, and you let your head drop to rest against his chest. “can we stay like this for a moment?”

“just let me know when you’re ready.”

you let out a hum in response, relaxing in his hold.

[drabbles-mc]

Could you do a HC on how the Mayans men would react to a girl getting hit on at a bar and the guy not taking no for an answer, like they don't know her or anything. I feel like they all respect women enough to at least do something about it; ya know?

All of the Mayans men wake up every day and drink a full pitcher of Respect Women Juice. They will not tolerate disrespect in their house. HC’s under the cut!

(I couldn’t decide if i wanted to do third person or reader insert for these but I settled on reader insert. Hopefully it works alright)

Bishop:

-Senses the tension immediately 

-My man sits back and watches the entire clubhouse all night. He knows everything that’s going on. And when he notices that some guy is refusing to leave you alone, he instantly gets up and goes to intervene.

-He’s not hot-headed about it. He doesn’t have the time or the energy for that anymore. But he places himself between the two of you, looking back and forth, “Everything alright here?”

-The guy would try to brush it off and reassure him that yea, of course everything is okay you can leave now. But Bishop wouldn’t have any of that. He’d cut him off mid-sentence, “I wasn’t fucking asking you.”

-He’d turn to you and ask again if you’re alright. You’d give a slight shake of her head no, not wanting to stir up drama but also not wanting to deal with this dude anymore. And that’s all it would take.

-”I think you should leave,” he wouldn’t yell. Just state it as a fact. But when the guy would try to argue that’s when he would get a little more heated. He’d step in closer to the dude’s face, but not putting hands on him, “I said you should fucking leave.”

-Bishop only uses yelling and brute force as a last resort. Very rarely does it ever come to that. He would follow the guy all the way to the clubhouse door, making sure that he actually leaves before going back to check on the poor girl that he was harassing. He 100% lingers close for the rest of the night to make sure no one bothers you.

Angel:

-King of being the Fake Boyfriend.

-My tall boy might be emotionally illiterate sometimes but he can read a social situation. When he sees a girl scrambling to try and come up with excuses to make a guy leave her alone, he has no problem inserting himself into the situation. 

-Smooth as fuck walking up to you, greeting you while resting a protective hand on your shoulder. Instantly setting the tone to whoever is talking to you that this was a useless endeavor.

- "Hey, querida,” he’d wait for you to look at him, “Sorry, didn’t see you walk in. You get a drink already? Want me to get you something?”

-The look in his eyes would let you know that he’s offering you an out to the uncomfortable situation that you’re in. He’s not trying to flirt--he’s just trying to drive away whatever asshole wasn’t catching the hint that you didn’t want to talk.

- "Who the fuck are you?” this is a problem that the guy did not see coming.

-Angel would look at him, eyes narrow, “I’m her boyfriend. Who the fuck are you?”

- The question is rhetorical. It doesn’t matter who the guy is. Angel doesn’t give him a chance to answer. He steps closer to the guy, towering over him. He looks down at him and is practically begging the guy to say something stupid so he has an excuse to physically throw him out the front door.

- He doesn’t get the chance, though. The guy reads the cue, knows that it’s a fight that he will not win, and walks away.

- Angel would turn back to you, “You good? Sorry about that. Didn’t seem like he was getting the hint.”

- You’d shake your head, “He wasn’t. Thank you, I appreciate the assist.”

- “No problem,” he’d pause, “But forreal did you get a drink already? First round on me.”

Ezekiel:

- Y’all remember the casino scenes with the cops? That’s how he handles shit.

- Master of keeping his cool in frustrating situations. Completely follows your lead. He sees a lot of weird interactions being on the serving side of the bar, always clocking what’s happening in front of him in case he has to step in.

-He’d notice you rolling your eyes and giving short answers. He’d also notice that the guy either isn’t picking up the cues, or is willfully ignoring them. EZ catches your eyes a few times, silently asking if you want him to step in. You shake your head--the guy is annoying but harmless for the time being.

- Then he tries to touch you. Casually reaching for your shoulder, trying to rest his hand on your knee. You recoil, trying to create more space between the two of you. He doesn't care though.

- That’s when EZ can’t keep it to himself anymore. He’d sigh, not looking up from the glasses that he’s cleaning, “I don’t think she’s into you, man.”

- You and the man would both turn to look at him, each of you with a surprised expression on your faces. You’d stay quiet, wanting to see how the situation was going to play out. The man next to you would scoff, “I don’t remember you being part of this fucking conversation.”

- “I might as well be if I have to sit here and watch it. You’re the only one out of the three of us not suffering from how uncomfortable this is.”

- His commentary would ruffle some feathers. The man next to you would get defensive, “No one asked for your fucking opin--”

- Knowing that EZ had your back would give you a little extra confidence, “You should listen to him,” you nod, “He’s right. We’re suffering.”

- He’d be caught off-guard by the two of you teaming up on him. Realizing it wouldn't be worth the fight, he’d huff and walk away. EZ would watch him and chuckle, calling after him, “Least you could do is pay your fucking tab!”

- You’d laugh, glad to be done with the uncomfortable situation, “His drink and whatever you want are all on me tonight. As a thank you.”

- He’d give you that little smirk, “Don’t mention it.”

Coco:

- Zero tolerance policy.

- Not coy or polite about it at all.

-Instantly uses himself as a barrier between you and whatever guy it is that’s not leaving you alone. He might not be the biggest guy in the MC, but he sure as hell carries himself like he is when the situation calls for it.

-Will not hesitate to get nose-to-nose with whoever is bothering you. If someone wants to invade your space, he’ll invade theirs. Fair is fair.

- “You really can’t take a fuckin’ hint, huh?” he’d shake his head.

- “What’s your problem?” the man’s voice would sound confident but the look in his eyes would show that he really didn't want a problem with whoever this guy was getting in his face.

- “You. Fuckin’ beat it,” he’d jerk his head towards the door, “Don’t come back, either.”

- Coco carries himself with the confidence of a man that will make someone pay dearly for coming back uninvited. Confrontational situations usually resolve themselves quickly. People tend to not want to mess with him if they can avoid it.

-When the guy inevitably leaves not just you, but the clubhouse altogether, Coco finally turns back to you, “You good, ma?”

- You nod, watching him light up a cigarette, “Uh, yea. I’m good. Thanks for that.”

- He nods, blowing out a puff of smoke, “We’ll make sure that fucker never comes back.”

Hank:

- The only thing that Hank Loza drinks is Respect Women Juice. When he runs across someone that doesn’t, it gets out of hand really quickly.

-Bull in a china shop.

- The same man who is usually calm and cool and collected, physically removes whoever it is that is causing a problem. The guys have tried to teach him deescalation skills but it never sticks. It’s the only thing that Hank gets heated about so they all let it go at this point.

- Hank isn’t a small dude. When he steps toe-to-toe with someone he almost always out-sizes them. They get about 5 seconds to hear what he says and leave on their own before he removes them on his own.

- “You should leave her alone,” the friendly suggestion is really anything but.

- The guys are almost always cocky, not thinking that anything is actually going to happen to them, “Or what, tough guy?”

- They ignored their first and only warning. What happens next is all on them. Hank grabs the guy by the collar of his shirt, lifting him from the ground. His voice is quiet, which is way more terrifying than yelling, “Let’s find out.”

- Hank lifts and carries the guy out, on the brink of dragging him like a caveman. The guy is yelling in protest, trying to swing, but Hank is unfazed.

- He throws the guy down the steps of the clubhouse, giving a final warning not to come back. No longer in an agumentative mood, the man takes off in a desperate attempt to avoid getting further tossed around.

- When he goes back into the clubhouse, the rest of the guys have moved on from the situaiton--to them it was business as usual for Hank. You, on the other hand, didn't see the situation unfolding that way at all. He walked back up to you, the anger gone from his face, a gentle smile there instead.

- “Are you alright?” he looks you over as if to make sure you didn't get hurt in the midst of it all.

- “Yea,” you nod, “I’m...I’m fine. Thanks. You...you didn’t have to do all that.”

- He’d chuckle, knowing that for him it was the only course of action, “Of course I did,” he’d gently rest his hand on the outside of your arm, “Let me know if anyone else gives you any trouble.”

Creeper:

- The smaller version of Hank, tbh. Constantly out here Respecting Women.

- Remember that scene where he catches a shotgun that’s tossed to him and immediately starts shooting on the highway?? That’s the energy he has when dealing with men who disrespect women.

- Cannot easily lift and remove men the same way Hank does, but he will throw hands without hesitation.

- The guys told him no more threatening with guns in the clubhouse. So fists will have to suffice.

- Does not offer a warning to the guy. If someone is being pushy or rude, they don’t deserve a heads-up. He will try to get your attention in some way first, to make sure that you want him to intervene. If he thinks that it’s going to get out of hand, or if you let him know with a pleading look that you could use the assist, he is instantly throwing himself into the middle of it.

- He’d catch your eye, motioning back and forth between you and the man in front of you to ask if you need an out. You’d give him a slight nod and that’s all it would take.

- Walking up, he grabs the guy by his shoulder and turns him around, “Hey, motherfucker,” he’d shove him towards the door of the clubhouse, “Leave.”

- Caught off-guard, the man would shove him back. Fully-bruised ego shining through, “Keep your hands off me.”

- That’s when you’d hear the first crack of a fist colliding with someone’s jaw. Your eyes would go wide, not ever having seen Creeper get like this. His focus would be completely on the man stumbling towards the ground in front of him, “I said get the fuck out.”

- It usually doesn’t take more than one punch to get his point across. HIs muscles aren’t just for show--getting clocked by him fucking hurts. They’re lucky that he’s not big on wearing rings.

- Once the threat is neutralized, he instantly shifts back into his quiet, gentler self to check in with you. He sees the surprise in your face at how things unfolded and he holds his hands up in surrender, “I’m done, promise.”

- It’d get you to laugh. You can see it in his expression that it’s almost like a switch he can flip on and off. “Um. Thank you. That...isn’t what I was expecting. But thank you.”

- “Are you alright?” he’d sit down next to you, mindful to give you some space.

- “Yea, I’m good. How’s your hand?”

- He’d chuckle, “All good. Nothing new.”

Okay this was a lot of fun. I love all these dorks. Hope you enjoyed! xo

[secretlyblue12]

Day 1: Chase

First day of DSMP tickletober! Very exciting. I haven’t written a tickle fic in a long time, so I’m a bit rusty, but hoping to do alright XD This one is of Tommy and Wilbur because it seemed fitting. There is a bit of teasing in it, but with Wilbur I feel as if that is a bit expected, I can’t think of any other warnings though. :)

“Oh, Tommy! You better be quicker than that, I’m right on your tail.”

Oh fuck. Shit, shit, shit. Tommy was screwed. Absolutely royally fucked, he thought, begging his legs to move faster. It wasn’t really his fault- well, okay, maybe he had been messing with Wilbur’s things while he was out, but he hadn’t meant to snap one of his guitar strings. And now Wilbur was going to kill him, he knew it, he could see the evil, mischievous, demonic glint in his eye when he glanced over his shoulder.

They had looped through the entire house twice by now, Phil would tell them off for making a mess but that was the last thing on his mind. That was an issue for later him, right now him was in the middle of a vicious battle fighting for his life.

He ran into the living room, circling around the couch and ending up with him on one end with Wil on the other. “You don’t have to do this Wilbur, think about the children. It’s not a big deal, I can- No!”

Tommy circled around to the other side when Wilbur launched towards him, reversing their positions.

“I am thinking about the children, one in particular who needs a proper punishment for breaking his big brother's things.” He said, jerking to one side to try to fake Tommy out, chuckling when the boy in question flinched and almost fell for it. “Tommy, this is your last chance to come here and I might go easy on you.”

That was a lie if Tommy ever heard one. “No you won’t! I might be stupid but I’m not an idiot. You’re just trying to make it easier on yourself, but I, Tommy the biggest man to ever- Wilbur!”

Honestly, that was quite rude, Tommy figured. He had been mid-speech, who tackles a man mid-speech? He didn’t have long to think about it though before he was squealing and squirming away.

“Whihilbuhur naha! Nohot fair,” He whined, desperately trying to push the hands away from his sides. “I didn’t mehean to! Stohop it.”

“Awee, you didn’t mean to? Well, I don’t mean this either then, or this, or this” He said, poking at a different spot every few seconds, smiling at how without fail Tommy would always jump at the new attack. “Oh, look! Your face is going all red. Are you blushing Tommy? Does a little tickle tickle tickling get Tom-Tom embarrassed? Oh, how sweet.”

Tommy felt his face get warmer at the teases. “SHUHut up! I aham not!” Fuck Wilbur, he decided. He was a twat and a no-good lousy mean bitch of a brother who didn’t know anything ever. Tommy shut his eyes so he didn’t have to see the pure joy on his face.

Wilbur leaned down close to coo in Tommy’s ear, delighting the how he squeaked and tucked his chin down in response. “You’re not? Well, it sure looks like you are to me, Tommy. Are you sure feeling my fingies wiggling over your tummy aren’t making you flustered? Oh, you’re giggling more now. Does me talking about it make it tickle more? But you’re so happy, look at that smile Tommy! How could I stop when it’s obvious you like this so much.”

Tommy shook his head, bumping his and Wil’s foreheads together.

“No? What are you saying no to? That you don’t like it? Does me talking about it not make it ten times more ticklish for you? If not then you won’t mind me keeping on then, surely. How about here, does here tickle more? Oh! Your laugh got all squeaky there,” Wilbur smiled at Tommy fondly, though he couldn’t see it with his face all scrunched up. “I remember you always had so many tickle spots, but every rib would get a different response out of you. Do you remember which ones got what types of responses? Look, I’m on the top ones now and your laugh is all squeaky, but if I move down a little bit, riiight here, yeah! See look- there it is. Makes you snort just like Tech.”

Tommy twisted and turned on his back while Wilbur dug his fingers in between his ribs. Mean! Mean, and rude, and horrible, and, and, and, well, Tommy couldn’t think of anything else at the moment. He was a little preoccupied. “Naha! Wihilbehy, Ihi don’t!” He protested, knowing damn well that he did. It wasn’t fair though, Wilbur had always loved it when Tommy laughed so hard he snorted, but Tommy hated it. That didn’t stop it from happening of course, but Wilbur didn’t need to bring it up! “Shuhut it you aharse.”

Wilbur gasped dramatically next to Tommy’s ear, making him jump. “Tommy,” He said in a half-whisper. “Did you just swear at me? Well that’s just unacceptable, isn’t it? Who taught you that?”

“Yohou dihid!”

“Me? Well, that can’t be true. I would never. Do you know what little liars get Tommy?”

Tommy peeked at Wilbur through his squinted eyes and giggled in anticipation as Wilbur’s fingers slowed to a stop. What was the man planning? Surely he wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easy. “What?”

Wilbur didn’t say anything, and for a moment all Tommy could do was watch on in horror as he took a deep breath and quickly scooted down far enough to face plant into Tommy’s stomach through his shirt.

Tommy all but screamed before dissolving into a giggle fit. Not only was the fact Wilbur was giving him a raspberry bad enough on its own, but his shirt made the feeling spread throughout his entire body. He flailed, pushing and Wil’s shoulders and head, trying to get him anywhere else, but he didn’t have any force behind the movements. His entire body felt limp under the attack, and in the end, he just held onto Wilbur’s hair while he planted raspberry after raspberry all around his belly.

Wilbur didn’t stop until Tommy’s laugher had grown almost not existent other than gasps for breath, and his grip grew slack in his hair. “Okay, okay. I’m done now,” he promised, rubbing his hands up and down Tommy’s sides soothingly. “No more. I hope you learned your lesson though.”

Tommy shuffled until he could lean up against Wilbur and tucked himself into the olders chest. “Mhm, yeah, whatever. Don’t break your stuff.”

Wilbur let him get comfy, settling them both back. “Did me tickling you really make you that tired? I might have to do it more often then.”

Tommy felt his cheeks, which were only just starting to cool off, heat back up at the words and shoved his face into Wil’s neck. “Shut up.”

“That’s not a no then?”

“I hate you.”

“Be nice Tommy. I said that was all for now but if you keep this up I might have a new lesson to teach you.”

Tommy weighed his options, gluing himself to his brother's side. Okay, so he’d let Wilbur win this one, but he’d bring it back up later than night. For now, he had to nap.

[ficauthor]

inspired by the prompt by @danphanwritingprompts:

Danny narrowed his eyes as the Uber arrived at the church, and he finally remembered the occasion. “Wait, Mom? Did we just pregame Vlad’s funeral?” Danny asked. Maddie scowled. “Shut up and act sober. For some reason, your dad loved that miserable creep,” she told him. “It’s the only way to get through the day,” Jazz agreed, fumbling to open the door and step out.

and some other headcannons that I've seen float around tumblr about trans Danny fic below cut if you dont wanna follow the link.

Looking out the window was making him nauseous, like really  really nauseous. The kind of nauseous he only got when sick or from a good punch. He knew a thing or two about good punches. He’d been taking them for a few years now.

It really wasn’t fair if you asked him. One should ask him because it was an experience that only he could experience. After all, halfa's were rare as can be. Skulker had certainly told him enough for him to know. Every brush with alcohol in his younger days was, well, a mixed bag. He processed it faster than the average person so he was lucky in that aspect that he got drunk faster. But if anything his messing about with alcohol before he was 21 told him it was that it also left much faster than normal. Bullshit ghost rules and all of that. Genuinely being a ghost even half one had very few upsides. Some people online speculated about how cool ghost powers must be to have but clearly none of them knew about the burden that it came with. Sometimes he still wished that he didn’t know. 

However this time for whatever reason the alcohol was hitting him and staying. Maybe it was because the previous times he’d been drinking cheap party booze in Dash’s garage with Sam and Tucker, no one but the three of them aware that they were even there. Instead this time the booze was some semi expensive shit, he didn’t know the name or type but he’d been promised quality. Why he of all people was being given quality alcohol he'd never know but he wasn’t going to turn it down.

That being said seemed the trade off was intense nausea. It wasn’t that bad all things considered, he actually preferred being sloshed for the upcoming event but his body was not agreeing with that. Not that his body agreed with a lot of things. The disagreement between ghost and human sometimes really bit him in the ass. His head was floaty, the world in front of him was spinning badly, maybe it’d be worth it to never drink again. Especially if he was going to have this reaction . If only he’d invited Sam and Tucker. They were great fun and always knew how to reel him in. Man he missed them, if only they didn’t all go to different colleges. But nooo all of their majors just had to have few overlapping colleges. At least they were all within a drives (or in his case a flying) distance. When he wasn’t feeling too sick and unbalanced he’d have to fly over to their dorms for a movie night. It’d be nice. Sam might even be able to get them into someplace cool again.

In a stagnant attempt to push the feeling away he turned away from the window and towards his family. Jazz was studying a text on her phone. Probably a message from her girlfriend at university. Maybe she was inviting her. That’d be nice. She seemed nice when he’d saved her as Phantom a month ago, then everyone was nice when their life had just flashed before their eyes and they were rescued from it’s visions. Even when he and Valerie were on the worst of terms he was always grateful when ever she rescued him in either form. Bar Johnny 13 his sisters' taste in partners wasn’t actually all that bad. He actually liked her last girlfriend. Even then with Johnny he wasn’t sure how much of that was actually her taste and how much was Kitty’s possession. 

Certainly Jazz’s apprehension couldn’t be blamed, three of her previous partners both highschool and college were driven away by how weird their family was. She claimed she was fine with it, something about them not truly accepting all parts of her but still. That sucked. School had been rough enough, he couldn’t even count the amount of people that had been weirded out from being his friend because of his parents. Well there was also his reputation but his parents being renowned ghost hunters and chaotic town kooks certainly did not help. Looking back on it more of that might have actually been on his reputation. A nerd with A+ grades until highschool only to then end up with Ds on the best of days and bruises on the worst. Yeah some of that was probably on him.

Jazz gave him a look, he’d spaced out and looked at her for too long, it was weird now. He gave her a shrug and turned to their mother.

Laughing would be rude; he had to remind himself when he spotted her dancing along to the car radio in her dorky adult grooving. It was peaceful in a way. A down time he didn't usually get to appreciate before something bad (normally ghosts) interrupted. It was almost nice in a way to be calm with his mom and sister. Even if the former looked really really stupid.

He snorted anyway at his mom’s dance moves. Discombobulated shoulder jerks and little hand motions mixed in with little head rolls that had no rhyme or reason. It was wildly out of beat and didn’t match the tone of the song on radio. It was definitely the kind of dancing that Tucker would disparagingly call “white people shit”. The thought alone of Tucker's pain at his parents' dance moves was almost enough to send him into hysterics.

Man he missed Tucker.

He’d have to check in on Tucker soon, since he started the latest school assignment he’d sort of ghosted everyone, for the lack of a better word. It was probably the stress of dealing with his assignment partners, he’d done the same last time. Still… in a town and world with ghosts it couldn't hurt to try to check in on him. Tuck was a big boy now he could hold his own in a ghost fight but he didn’t like the idea of leaving him to it. Call him what you will but obsessions were just like that. 

Maybe he was a little possessive.

Just a touch.

“Oh Danny!” his mom squealed as a new song filtered in. The Uber driver rolled his eyes, clearly he thought no one could see him but Danny caught it in the rear view mirror. ” I love this song, isn't it rad!”

He tried not to laugh, he really did, but it was so ridiculous. His parents were doing this on purpose! They had to be! There was no way that they weren’t no one was that out of touch. That behind on lingo. Warm giggles and chuckles bubbled forth, messy and loud. The kind of laugh only those closest to him could coax out of him. Back in school it was only Tuck and Sam that got him to laugh like that (maybe Jazz if she was lucky) make him lose his composure so quickly, but more and more readily his parents had been able to also force the laughs out of him.

If only fourteen year old him could see him now. He’d be so embarrassed. Sitting in the back of an Uber laughing openly at something silly his mom was doing.  She said something he couldn’t catch, teased him probably for laughing. A random pop song and the air coming in from the drivers open window were just loud enough to cover even a raised voice. Even still the there was comfort. Whatever she said was from a place of love.

He loved car rides sometimes. He didn’t always appreciate them when he was younger, kind of like how he felt about his parents. Especially when he was 14 but now? They were some of his favourite times spent with his parents. He just couldn’t help it, something about the rolling scene and music with easy conversation lulled him. It helped keep his obsession at bay, blocking it from flaring if he could see that some of the most important people in his life were there, in front of him safe and sound.

He still ached. Felt that compulsion to check Sam and Tuck. Rather than scream like normal it was a soothing whisper. He was able to drunkenly send them a text about how much he loved them without the skin crawling need to see that they were still standing.

 The Uber slowed to a crawl, the Sudan squealing as they stopped. Man that guy really needed to replace his breaks. He could get in a wreck and then whoever he was ferrying around could get seriously hurt.

No!

He shook his head; he couldn't let his obsession obsess on something so small. It was probably safe to look out of the window again so he chanced a look. Danny narrowed his eyes as the Uber arrived at the church, and he finally remembered the occasion.

“Wait, Mom? Did we just pregame Vlad’s funeral?” Danny asked. 

Maddie scowled,“ Shut up and act sober. For some reason, your dad loved that miserable creep,” she told him.

“It’s the only way to get through the day,” Jazz agreed, fumbling to open the door and step out.

Damn he hadn’t meant to forget the occasion but he couldn’t help it his mind was already prone to wandering and the alcohol was just making it worse. Really it was a miracle he passed highschool in the first place, even when sober his mind just struggled to latch onto subjects, and that was before he had to nightlight as Phantom, hell it wasn’t even nightlighting it was a full double life. Really he didn't even know how he was managing college with the heroing on the side. Best guess if he was pressed to give one was that his parents’ disappointment and the desire to go to space was combining into the ultimate peer pressure. Funny how his brain worked like that, maybe Jazz could explain that to him. She was good for stuff like that. Explanations for why his brain was weird. She tried to give him an acronym for it one time something with A's. An attention thing of some sort. He'd have to ask her about it again sometime so he could wrap his mind around it.

“Hey!” Jazz opened the door, her face inches from his, the scent of some fruity cocktail on her breath,” get out Danny, and remember, act normal. At least for dad’s sake.”

“Yeah,” he waved her off stumbling to his feet, honestly it wasn’t fair that the ground was so unsteady beneath him, kind of transphobic if you asked him. “If you wanted me to act normal then why’d we all get plastered?” he joked.

“Shush,” Jazz clamped a hand on his face, their slow amble up the church's  many  steps paused. “Don’t lick a gift horse in the mouth Danny, you know this will be insufferable.” 

He licked her hand, she recoiled, wiping the spit off on her fancy black dress. 

“Danny!”

He stuck out his tongue in retaliation.

“Behave, ”she chided.

He rolled his eyes and followed her. It was just a funeral, what was the worst they could get into?

 The second he stepped in the church threshold he knew. It put his whole body on edge, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and the faintest trickled of mist? ghost vaper? Ghost breath? He actually had no clue what it was that came out of his mouth. 

Well he never really understood what he was saying half the time anyways, his mouth had a habit of running out from under him. The worst case of that was just the other week, he was talking to Sam over skype about something and he’d forgotten that she knew about Phantom, how really he had no clue, and he just went on for about twenty minutes making some out there wild excuse for why he’d missed their last hang out when she’d stopped him.

Honestly it was getting embarrassing, even worse was trying to keep things he said to his parents in each form separate. He really had to tell them soon.

It was so easy when he was 14 the breadth of his conversations with them as Phantom at the time could be summed up with a snarky quip from him or a “I’m gonna dissect you” from them. Now though they seemed to be fully taking seriously the notion that ghosts had depth to them. Which while true was deeply inconvenient for him. That meant he had to have interactions with them as Phantom and keep his identity straight ( ha  ). Maybe he should be grateful, they weren’t threatening to dissect him anymore that was certainly a plus, they still definitely wanted to examine him however.  He had considered it, in the depth of the night, allowing them to examine him only to drop the transformation part way through. It’d be funny, just a little bit to catch them off guard like that. But they didn’t deserve a coming out like that. He stifled a groan, he thought he was done with the closet when he’d come out but no life just had to never end and add in ghosts.

“Danny,” Jazz hissed at him. 

He slurred out a huh at her in confusion.

Damn he’d been staring out at nothing, the Pastor? Priest? He didn’t know the difference to be honest, was still talking about Vlad. Shit that’s right! The second he’d walked in his ghost sense had gone haywire, Vlad was still (half) alive in that plush ass casket. He wondered how bad it'd be to fake a stomach ache and transform into Phantom for some ass kickery. Knowing his luck though Vlad might just feign full death embrace just to make a fool of him. 

He would do that, fake his death, hell he was doing it right now! Motive was still unclear to him but Danny was going to get to the bottom of it. The man at the front, religious figure of whatever denomination, was gesturing large and big as he wrapped up.  It was really official, and stuffy, when he finally fully died he wanted his funeral to be nothing like this. Maybe Tuck's ideas of dramatic funeral pranks were where it was at. Or maybe even Sam's ideas of celebratory parties that remembered the dead's life. He wouldn’t object to either of those. 

Alcohol was fading out of his system again, well it’d been nice while it’d lasted but it’d probably be best to not be sloshed if Vlad wanted to cause a scene. 

He sat at the edge of his seat as his father came up for a speech.

“Vlad,” his father stopped to blow his nose,” Vlad was a good friend of mine in college, w-we,” his lip trembled, his large jaw hammering up and down as he stammered for words. It took everything in Danny to not sink into the pew bench in embarrassment. Jack was for all intensive purposes the only person in the entire church that seemed genuinely broken up about the billionaire’s death.

“We drifted apart for a while, and he’d just started to come back to mine and my wife's lives a few years ago and- and- I-I sorry,” he winced as his fathers voice died.

While he didn’t understand his fathers affection for the man his heart couldn't help but ache for the man’s sorrow. His father had such a large heart. He was so trusting and held so much affection in his large beating heart. It was a weakness and a strength. One his mother often said he inherited. He didn’t know if he could see it. He wasn’t so soft, so trusting, so eager to love and care as his father. Then the larger man hadn’t been burned the same. Hadn’t had his heart half electrocuted to death like him.

His mom walked up on the stage, he was briefly impressed by her composure, she was buzzed but also in heels and looked to all the church exceedingly well put together. Quietly she was speaking her hands gently on Jack’s shoulders patting his back soothingly. She often sold herself short. Stating her heart not to be as big, Danny didn’t believe that, not really, his mother was just more careful in those she let in.

“I wasn’t as close to him as my husband,” she admitted, having softly taken the mic from Jack. her fingers were curled around it softly, but her other hand was in her hair. She was fidgeting and searching for words,” but I’m sure those he was close to will miss him dearly.” she said tight lipped. Jack whispered something to Maddie quietly making her smile tightly and nod. The man moved to his seat and let his wife continue his speech in his stead. 

It was nothing notable really, Danny wasn’t one for paying attention to speeches or lectures and a funeral would not be an exception. He caught a few snippets though, his moms implication that she liked him better in college. A line hoping that in death that he could hopefully move on from the past. He really tried to not laugh at that one clearly because she'd noticed the exes. How many of them had known before? How many of the exes had to learn of their blueprint right then and there in the funeral.

Still he sat teetering on the edge of his seat, half paying attention to her words and mind half trained on that open casket. Vlad lay there in the plush box waiting. What for he couldn’t tell yet but he wasn’t going to be caught unaware.

The speeches couldn’t have ended any slower in his opinion. He wished that the alcohol hadn’t run it’s course already. It was so much easier to get through shit when his mind was quieted and his obsession was dulled. Instead he was forced to wait, his waking obsession tearing at his insides making him wait. Watch the lingering guests with apprehensive eyes. A few were expected. Gaggle of divorced exes. Some smattering of people that vaguely had Vlad's chin and nose. It was bizarre, some looked wildly like him and others well. They were utter strangers to Danny. They all were but they seemed almost faceless in how unknown they were. Interestingly none of them really seemed that choked up. He’d never expected troves of people depressed about Vlad’s passing. Still to only have one sobbing mourner? Maybe they just grieved differently...

Yeah maybe.

About when he got his water from the refreshments table he realized that Vlad really wasn't pulling a stunt. Still he had no clue why he was in that damn casket if he was still (half) alive in there. He almost laughed at the absurdity of it all, his worst nightmare was being trapped in one of those, yet Vlad had clambered in willing foot after foot laying stricken and board straight for all that he knew to see him. It didn’t make sense. There had to be some trick.

There had to be.

He thought maybe after his father had bowed his head over the casket head in hands loud body wracking sobs shaking his shoulders that Vlad might then spring to life (ha) and attack them. No, instead he remained laying in that coffin, the soft plush pillow under his head holding him still, the flowers in hand still clutched in strict fingers. He must have some sort of long con going on then. Some sort of goal he was aiming to reach by laying stricken and dead.

Wouldn’t be the first time the man had pulled a bizarre stunt. The time he’d kidnapped Danny and his mom sprang to mind. But there were few situations that came to mind where faking one’s death could come in handy. 

A severe looking man walked up to him a small plate of hors d'oeuvres in hand.  Sam would hate the sight of the small snacks, not a single one was vegetarian. And Tuck? He’d be laughing his head off at the name and size. He really had to rope them into a trip to the movies or arcade sometime soon.

The man greeted him, straightening his professional looking tie as he spoke. The man was exceedingly out of place, in a clean and crisp business suit that hardly matched the tone of mourning clothes. Then his parents were wearing their jumpsuits under their fancy clothes so glass houses and all that.

The man was painfully dull giving Danny his condolences in a rather stilted and clunky tone. The man clearly didn't want to be there. He raised an eyebrow at the man as he finally asked how he knew the ‘deceased’. 

Telling the man something to the effect of, “Just through my parents,” somehow making it clear to the man that he wasn’t particularly choked up by the billionaire's death. Gee he wondered what gave it away, his flat unaffected tone? Or the fact that Vlad was a billionaire with no moral backbone. 

Huh, he must really be missing Sam a lot to be thinking like that. he hated to admit it but she was kinda right. 

Business suit was disinterested in conversation with Danny after that, he hastily wrapped up the conversation. Man even muttered “shame.” under his breath, if Danny wasn’t half dead he wouldn't have caught it. But well nothing ever really worked out well for bureaucrats did it?

Had Vlad seriously faked his death to avoid paying a few measly bucks? The man was a billionaire! He must really owe them a mean amount of money for them all to arrive at the funeral like this. Maybe they hoped the will would work in their favour? Not far in front of the refreshment table were two suits talking unabashedly about the amounts that Vlad owed them. If it weren’t for the setting Danny would think that they were coming or going from an important meeting.

For what was probably the first time he properly looked at all of the guests. Actually taking them in, a good chunk like he’d noticed before were the exes that half looked like his mom, and their kids (hopefully they weren’t biologically Vlads). Then there were the vague family members that looked like Vlad watered down with kindness. But the rest? Suits and-

Oh.

Oh he had to step behind an archway and stuff a fist in his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud. Vlad had fucking bounty hunters being sent after him! It was karmic, he had to stop himself from busting a gut right then and there in the middle of a church. It was already blasphemy enough to be the walking dead he didn't want to also throw in disrespecting the (only mostly) dead into the mix. 

Well at least they weren’t all debtors, lurking around the corners and edges of the room was a guy he’d worked with as Phantom a few years ago. He was kind of hot in a rugged sort of way. If it weren’t for Sam and Tuck he’d have considered flirting seriously with the other man. As it was his joking flirting got him in trouble with the other two.

He was really acting up being normal, that rugged man. Mingling about with other people dressed neatly.

Clear to only  Danny what he was, what the others like him were, the man wandered unaware that Danny was watching him. Ironically he only knew they were bounty hunters because Vlad had hired the rugged man and his crew to hunt Phantom that time a few years ago and now? Oh the tables have turned. Someone, maybe one of the exes, or the debtors wanted him dead. Damn what had Vlad done?

Ghost Zone inhabitants had mixed opinions on him, many of which wanted him dead or knocked down a peg. But that was the Ghost Zone, half of them wanted  Danny  dead at some point or another. This was the human world. Earth and shit, it was much harder to piss off someone to the level of murder. Not impossible but damn. He grinned at this, Vlad was (half) alive and (sorta) well in that casket and he couldn’t do anything if he started to stir shit up. Life was beautiful, twinkling and gorgeous, he decided. He Didn’t need Tucker and Sam to have fun.

 He started with one of the exes. He went out of his way to ignore her dyed red hair and pale purple eyes as he talked with her. It wasn’t her fault that Vlad had a complex, he reminded himself as the woman talked. Fault couldn’t be pinned on her for the parallels he could search between his mother and her. She was nice in a weird way, again really like his mom. It was unnerving. He kept trying to ignore her beady eyed gremlin of a child as she talked to him about the will. 

Whatever Vlad had done for all the people in his life to only care about the will and the will alone Danny wanted to do the express opposite. It was almost painful in a way to watch all of these people act like they weren’t only here for the money. Served the man right, it was still depressing, the man had everything on paper but not a damn thing in reality.

“Do you think his daughter will show?” he tactfully added into the conversation after the woman had made some condolences about his family and Vlad. 

“Daughter?” the woman asked, her large eyes blinking slowly,” I'm sure you're mistaken, Vlad told me he doesn’t have kids.”

“Oh,” he said, feigning apology, inside he was loving this, sure Vlad couldn’t admit the truth about the clones but clearly the man had seriously left out some details to his ex lovers. ��Are you sure? ‘Elle is nineteen now,” he said, it was technically true if you counted right. She was also only seven if you counted right. It was all about semantics.

“Ninete-” the woman stammered something hard settling in her eyes,” he told me he didn’t want to have children,” she looked down at her angry eyed child (he hoped the little dude didn’t kick him in the shin) who had a hand fisted in the end of her dress. “If you’ll excuse me, Daniel, this was an- enlightening conversation.” he watched her walk away to a woman with a big chunky bracelet.

Also a redhead. Of course.

A sharp pain seared in the top of his ear he prevented himself from yowling out as the fingers attached dragged him over to a corner.

"ow ow ow," he whined out quietly trying heard not to draw attention to himself. It didn't really work.

“What the  fuck  are you doing?” Jazz hissed at him when they were hidden away from the rest of the group.

“First of all: ow!” He rubbed his ear delicately between his finger pads,” I’m not a child anymore, maybe borderline sibling abuse was funny in 80’s sitcoms but it's not anymore.”

Jazz rolled her eyes,” second of all?” she pressed, she was still slightly buzzed and yet she was still holding herself with so much composure. Kind of impressive, if she hadn’t just physically threatened to rip his ear off.

“Secondly I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“Not do-” Jazz floundered,” Daniel!” she hissed out again struggling to keep her tone low. Damn she was mad, she only pulled out the full name when really fucked up,” I know your relationship with Vlad was- complicated.”

He snorted,” he tried to kill me multiple times, Jazz.”

“Yes bu-”

“Dark Dan,’’ he pressed further.

“I get it!” she snapped in a whisper-shout,” but a funeral isn-”

“He isn’t dead Jazz. Or really fully dead I guess I should say,” he laughed

Jazz rolled her eyes,” This is concerning behaviour Danny.”

“W-what?” he asked.

She tapped her chin pensively, she was psychoanalyzing him again, gag, “You must be transferring your complicated feeling about him into-”

“Jazz,” he groaned. It was best to stop her before she got on a roll, “Ghost senses remember? He’s still not fully dead, I can tell. He faked his death.”

“Okay,” she said with a sigh," I'm not saying I believe you, but say he did fake his death-”

“He did.”

She shot him a look, “Why? Why would he fake his death? He’s a rich ceo multi-billionaire with more money than most of us can conceive of, nonetheless actually obtain, what does he get out of faking his death?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, this was easier when Jazz was talking to one of Vlad’s cousins ignoring him stirring the pot. 

He explained what he’d pieced together so far, with the suits and hunters lurking around the edges of the room it was easy to point out how out of place they look. Slowly a realization fell on her face, an acceptance of what he was saying.

“When I was talking to the stepford exes they were all talking about who would get the estate.”

“Do they know who?” he asked.

Jazz shook her head,” no the will was kept really secretive from all of them. There was even a bit of an altercation from two of the younger ex girlfriends over it.”

He winced at that, he couldn’t blame them for being mad he just wished Vlad wasn’t faking death for them to take it out on. “The bottle red and the one with the big bracelet?” he prompted, remembering the end of his conversation with the former.

“No that’s Maddison and Maggie, the two that fought were Morgan and Melenie.”

“Maddison? Maggie? Morgan? Melenie?” he repeated with a grimace voice getting higher with each name.

“Yeah I know,” she said with a sigh,” a textbook case of projecting an ex, or in this case crush, on future partners leading to a string of failed relationships,” she frowned looking over at the group of clustered red heads. Danny followed and examined them, they were all looking at something their eyes occasionally darted over to- 

Oh of course, mom, they ‘d probably done the math already. He winced at the thought. He’d half thought about it before  finding the notion funny. Now in his sparkling sobriety of the evening he couldn’t find the humour.

“At least they all mostly get along,” Jazz offered, trying to look away from how the dozen or so women were looking at the one woman they were all stacked against.

“Really?” he blinked at her,” I’d have thought that they’d all be fighting cause of the- well you know,” he gestured to the, everything, of the situation.

She shook her head,” no, they seem to all understand that it was all on Vlad, two of them, Mackenzie and Melody,” she clarified to even more of his confusion,” even found out that they were seeing him at the same time. How they didn’t know with all of the press that followed him I’ll never know, but they decided to team up on the legal front if there are any issues with the will.”

“Really.”

Jazz nodded,” yeah I was surprised too, but good for them, Vlad went around causing too many issues in their lives.”

He nodded in agreement as he looked at at the sea of redheads, some of them had grown out their hair revealing dark roots, some had hair styled in poufy curls reminiscent of his mothers old style and one of them had completely cut her hair into a half shaved look, it was actually similar to the look that Sam had now.

“Want to cause some problems for him?” he asked.

“Danny, legally and socially he’s dead, what could we do?”

“Legally yeah,” he agreed,” but technically he’s still half alive in there, and can hear everything that people say-”

“Are you suggesting that we ruin his reputation?” Jazz asked with a poorly hidden smile. He loved that in the years she’d loosened up. It was a good look on her, relaxation.

“Ruin?” He said, in mock scandal, ”I'm merely suggesting we bring it down to where it belongs.”

“Oh ‘merely’ what is that a fifth grade word? I'm impressed!” Jazz teased.

He shoved her lightly with a laugh,” oh fuck off I’m in college now you know.”

“Really? Accredited and everything?”

He stifled his laugh,” shut up, you know dealing with ghost shit messed with my grades.”

Truthfully he’d expected her to joke further about it, to razz him about doing so much, or maybe analyze him, diagnosis him with trauma. Instead she hugged him.

“I’m sorry so much was put on your shoulders so young,” her voice was raw. Too raw.  

He patted her back, stomach squirming. Because what was he to do with that? The tender care held for him in the cracks of her fingers. The sorrow that settled in her pores all for him?

“Hey stop that,” he eventually said, pulling back,” or I'll make clockwork take me back in time so you never find out.” He didn’t mean it, he never did.

Jazz laughed a little wetly, he didn’t comment on it. Why would he? Also didn’t get a chance as she ruffled his hair, despite the fact that he was now much taller than her. “People are allowed to care about you, asshole.”

He scrunched his nose up at that,” ew what? I detest affection.”

“Oh detest another good one, really racking up those vocab words huh?” she sniffled her hands on her hips, a little lean in her back as she smirked.

Snorting, he stepped back and fixed his hair,” how about we make this a competition?”

“Huh?”

“First one to make Vlad burst out of his casket and rage in ghost mode wins.”

“Really? What would the winner get?”

He tapped his chin making a humming noise,” how about this, loser has to reveal their secret.”

Jazz laughed nervously,” I don’t have a secret Danny.”

Danny gave her a look,” Jazz, I’ve met your girlfriend.”

She bit her lip looking down at his outstretched hand, a debate playing in her eyes.

“Hey you don’t have to if you don’t wanna,” he said softly,” this is just meant for fun after all.” he knew better than most what forcing this stuff did.

”No, it’s fine,” she took his hand and shook, if a little clumsily,” that doesn’t mean they have to meet her though.”

“Oh don’t worry,” he said,” it won’t be my fault if they do that’ll be entirely on them.”

“Danny!” she exclaimed at him as he fled to the other side of the church. Finally this funeral was going to be interesting!

“Can you keep a secret?” he asked the swaying uncle of Vlad. The man smelled of beer and hors d'oeuvres. Not that Danny could judge if it wasn’t for the thick layer of spray on deodorant that his mom smothered him in right before he got in the uber then he’d probably smell just as rank. Then there was the fact that he’d pregamed to.

The older man narrowed his eyes at Danny, he was shocked to see the man he looked to hardly be much older than Vlad yet he was his uncle? He’d gone to ask about it but thought better about it, the less lore he knew about Vlad’s family the better, he really didn’t want to know about how many kids and when and how the Masters ‘clan’ had. Conversation with the older man was… stilted, to say the least. But he was certain that if he told him something then it wouldn’t get back to him. And that was half the game wasn’t it? Finding a way to spread the most rumours without people finding out it was him or Jazz. All without powers of course, that almost went without saying. 

The man didn’t seem too broken up about Vlad, they probably weren’t that close and Danny had always gotten the impression from the billionaire that he was a smidge too snobbish to fully have developed relationships with people. As often as he teased Jazz for being snobby, she at least was nowhere near as bad as Vlad. Man damn near invented snobbishness and assholery. He’d have to ask clockwork if Vlad’s ancestors were just as bad. Judging by some of his family, probably not.

“Well before he passed,” Danny prompted, pausing in a way to snag the older man's attention.

“Yes?” the older man asked when he didn’t continue.

“Well,” Danny fidgeted with his nail,”  you know his signed Packers jersey?”

The older man nodded eagerly.

Danny looked to the side,” it’s a fake,” he whispered to the man.

“Really?”

He nodded,” yeah, but please don’t tell anyone,” he added,” it’s bad enough that they know he was banned from buying the team-”

“He was what?” 

Danny fought to hide a smirk. He knew it’d be easier to sell this lie if he started smaller.

“I thought everyone knew!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, most of the town knows, it’s just, no one talked about it to be polite.” okay that might have been overselling it a bit but the distant relative seemed to really be drinking it in.

“What did he do?”

Danny looked side to side like he didn’t want anyone to overhear.

“Well a few years ago when he was closing the deal to buy the team he got caught stalking some of the members!”

“Really?” the uncle asked,” wha- why?”

Danny shrugged,” they never really found the reason he was following them, he was even trying to seduce some of the wives.”

The man gasped,” I- really?” 

Danny nodded. “But you can’t tell anyone you have to promise me.”

He watched as the man smiled in what he thought was slyness,” of course! I just, with all of those wives he had!”

 Within the next five minutes Danny heard the rumour circulate across the room and it had grown legs. How glorious those rumours legs were. 

“I heard he’d tried to break up a marriage on the team!” an ex wife (Maggie maybe?) hissed.

The other ex (Mary? The other woman might have called her) laughed,” would it really be any surprise? With what he did to Morgan and Melenie?”

The first woman nodded sagely,” fair I can’t believe I even fell for his tricks.”

All things considered the rumour was spreading well, and there was not even a gasp of a suggestion that he was the source. He couldn’t wait to hear what Jazz had invented, with the rumbles he’d already started to hear, it was probably great. Jazz always did have a way of getting into people’s heads. Find what interests them the most.

“So this daughter of Vlad's?” the woman he was talking to prompted, he vaguely remembered Jazz saying her name was Maddison. She’d found him again some time later; her child now safely deposited over by the other kids with their group babysitter. They were in the middle of the church now, the other two still whispering about the packers' spouses.

“ ‘Elle?” he asked as if he’d forgotten.

The woman nodded her curls bouncing as she did.

“Can I see a picture of her?”

He pulled up an older photo of them hanging out, the picture was grainy and they were both sticking their tongues out at the camera. Shit he’d really forgotten how alike they looked.

“You both-” the woman said before stopping. She glanced at his parents. 

Shit he had to go into damage control,” well she’s also my cousin,” he fibbed.

“Cousin?”

“Yes! Technically once removed? Or something like that, I didn’t meet her until a few years ago, we were really blown away with the family resemblance!” he laughed. "Really it's uncanny!"  He continued.

Too far! Too far! He was leaning into it too much! It wasn’t like he could just tell her the truth, that Dani was Vlad's only successful half dead clone of him! Then he’d also have to out two things about himself to her.

“She travels a lot,” he added. He really needed to learn when to shut his big mouth,” she was in Paris a few years ago actually.”

“Really?”

He couldn’t even blame the alcohol! He was just this stupid naturally huh? They’d been saying it for years Sam and Tucker, if only he’d taken them seriously before this. His idiocy might really be terminal.

“Yup, I haven’t seen her in awhile though, hopefully she visits again!”

Scrutinizing eyes scanned him up and down, darting from each corner of his face hunting out the ruse. He really needed to learn to shut his big mouth.

“Do you have her number?”

Crashing noises filled his brain. Her number? The last thing that he had expected was interest in ‘Elle. he’d just thought that they’d get upset at Vlad and leave it at that.

“ ‘E-elle's?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m sorry if this is prying but me and the other ladies,” she gestured to a few of them,” we’re talking and we want to support her!”

“I-” he hesitated, he hadn’t really planned for this,” what?”

The older woman nodded,” we all talked it out and if we get the estate we’re going to support one another and the kids, and it seems like ‘Elle just got stuck in the middle of this like the rest of us.”

“Yeah uh, let me just text her first?”

“Of course honey!”

Danny walked away from that conversation feeling distinctly weirder than before. Regardless he pulled up his phone and slid out the keyboard.

He opened up the “With an I” contact.

  Hey i accidentally got you adopted by like fifteen random women that used to date vlad

5:43 p.m.

  You what? Lul

5:45 p.m.

 He looked up around him before typing out the next message

  Yeah long story short he faked his death. Its weird

5:46 p.m.

I’m at the funeral and the exes wanna like support you?

5:46 p.m.

  Well Vlad wasn’t good for much but at least i now have a multitude of mothers

5:47 p.m.

  So i can give them your number?

5:47 p.m.

  Yeah have at it! If this causes chaos for vlad im all for it !

5:48 p.m.

“So her phone number is.”

By the time he’d separated himself from that conversation a few more rumours were floating.

“I heard that the reason he died in a car crash is because he was on the run from the law!” one of vlad's relatives whispered.

“Really!” another responded.

Elsewhere some of the attending staff were murmuring too. “I heard that he got caught smuggling maple syrup cans from canada!”

“Cans?”

“Yes apparently the good stuff is canned there.”

He walked to a new group this time with the suits.

“I hear that the money in the accounts is dirty.”

“According to my source his invested stocks were backed with illegal funds.”

“If there’s drugs really attached to it like I was told then I don't want anything to do with it.”

“I agree it's hard enough to get money from wills with spouses involved. It's even harder if the feds sniff any drugs.”

“It might not even be worth it to try with all of the ladies,” a different suit complained,” I overheard them talking about lawyering up together if anything goes wrong.”

Another much older suit scoffed,” this business was much easier before the exes started working together.”

Finally he heard his own new rumour starting to gain some traction.

“Wasn’t it found out that he was stealing science equipment from the nearby college?”

“Oh whatever for?”

“I heard it was for making a specialty shampoo.”

“I’ve always wondered how he kept his hair so nice and shiny.”

 Jazz was good, too good, considering that neither of them had really clicked into any social cliques in highschool. Now she was gossiping better than even any of the A-listers.

“It’s just such a shame that they can’t come,” Jazz was even fake sobbing, damn he was going to have to up his game.

“Who couldn’t come?” One of Vlad's older cousins asked, Danny wondered if Jazz was screaming inside at the hand she had around one of the older exes' waists, it was casual and tender. If one of Vlad's exes was getting together with his cousin because of the  funeral , Danny would shriek from laughter, hell if he accidentally used his ghostly wail it’d be well worth it. Vlad of all people deserved to have a partner snatching occur to him. 

“Oh I’m sorry,” Jazz said,” I thought that everyone knew,” she looked from side to side,” please don’t tell the other ex wives Monroe I’d hate for their feelings to get hurt over this.”

Damn she was good. The wife- Monroe who was leaning comfortably on the cousin nodded.

“Of course Jazzie,” she said in a deep comforting New York accent,” this can be brought up to them later more delicately later.  Though I must admit,” she said after a pause where Jazz thanked her for her discretion.” I myself am curious who wasn’t able to come.”

“Well you know how he used to do ghost research with mom and dad?”

Where was she going with this? She was selling it well, Danny had to admit but for the life of him he couldn’t guess where this was going.

“Yes of course,” the cousin nodded as Monroe spoke.

“I can’t name the amount of times he used to write home in our youth about his little ghost adventures,” the cousin added.

Jazz nodded ,” well at the school there was the Lunch Lady Ghost and the Box Ghost, he was seeing them romantically in between their stays in the ghost zone.”

Danny held back a snort box ghost! If he laughed too hard in that moment he’d drop the ghost form and would fall on top of the group that’d gathered around her. As much control as he’d mastered over his abilities over the past couple years there was nothing that would be able to save him from Jazz’s wit. 

“I’m sure box ghost is very helpful for moves,” one of the crowd commented amicably. The others though had nothing to say. Clearly they’d all actually met Box Ghost. 

The gossip might have even stayed in that circle if it weren’t for another one of the cousins being right there and then deciding to tell his wife, who then told one of the ex-wives, who then told another, who then told a suit. So on and so forth.

By the time that Danny was back in human form and settled on the opposite side of Jazz’s conversation he was hearing the children that some of the wives had brought talking about Vlad ‘holding hands’ with the Box Ghost and Lunch Lady. Why couldn’t he have thought about that? It was so good, it was perfect, literally no one could prove it wrong. And embarrassing, seriously Box Ghost!

All the stuff he knew to be true about Vlad sounded so far-fetched.

Half ghost?

Well most people didn’t know about them.

The time he infected his two closest and longest friends with ghost pimples?

Needed the half ghost context. 

If only there was some-

“I hate Vlad!” one of the kids near him cried out stomping down his foot.

Unsurprisingly all of the kids agreed, okay he was a little surprised, usually Vlad had the wool pulled over on most people. So the fact that all of these kids  hated him really meant something.

“He stole my cotton candy at the fair!”

“Well he told me that I didn’t need to see daddy anymore cause he was gonna replace him!”

Eager ears pointed at them he drank in their every complaint. He’d known that Vlad was cartoonish levels of evil for awhile (see the infecting teens with ghost acne for personal gain as proof, or kidnapping him and his mom) but never had he truly expected for him to be so stupid as to do it all in the open in front of all of these kids. Then again some of this might be his obsession making him act out. Smallest sliver of him almost felt bad about that, the fact that Vlad was in a way forced to be this way, but it wasn’t really anything he wasn’t before. Obsessions just highlighted what was already there. Made it more severe.

 “Uhm excuse me,” he tapped the shoulder of one of the shorter women,” Mallory?” He'd asked the babysitter for her name but for the life of him he was struggling to keep all of the exes straight in his head. There were just too many of them and they all looked too similar to his mom.

“Yes,” her eyes flickered with recognition,” Danny?”

He laughed,” yeah that’s me!”

“Some of the others were mentioning you!” she said with a bright smile taking his hand,” thank you for telling us about ‘Elle! I can’t believe he kept her a secret from all of us for so long.”

He nodded in agreement,” well about Vlad-”

“Oh no, what else was he hiding?” she asked, there was a laugh ringing from her but Danny didn’t need ghost senses to know it was dead on arrival,” I’ve learned so much more here at his funeral than I ever did when we’d been together.”

He laughed a little at that, a stilted awkward laugh that only filled his chest halfway. He almost felt bad telling her about this, but she deserved to know the truth. “Well I overheard some of the kids complaining about Vlad.”

He filled her in on what he’d overheard about the kids, the petty little actions of Vlad. The cotton candy he’d stolen (which was weird he’s rich), the fathers he threatened to replace, it was all so bizarre. Danny was about halfway through when the casket began to shake.

Vlad masters was not an impulsive man. He was calculated, smart and forward thinking. At least he certainly liked to think so.  No impulsive man goes out of his way to plan his nemesis’ death and demise for twenty years. No reckless person would spend his time building an empire carefully crafting his abilities and connections for taking down his enemy.  Vlad however to his greatest distaste was in fact still half human and not infallible. While he was meticulous and in his personal opinion exceedingly intelligent he had no way to properly plan for wrenches in his schemes.

The fenton boy, Daniel was his biggest hurdle but it was only a matter of time before he found the right way to tackle the issue. He was just a particularly big roadblock. If only his emotional attachment to his dunderheaded father wasn’t so strong. These issues were all small potatoes compared to the one he was in now. The details can be spared and smoothed over all that was truly important was that he was at his own funeral.

He’d always wondered what people's reaction to his death would be. Contact with his extended family had been… loose, for the lack of a better term since his ‘accident’.  Deep down however he knew that when or if his time came, truly came, that they’d have a reaction. Probably sadness, he had been close to a few of them before his accident, hell he’d been close to them before his company had taken off. At the end of the day he simply had better things to do. Plans to make, revenge to ruminate on. It wasn’t his fault that they’d fallen to the wayside. They simply weren’t as important as Maddie.

He’d toyed with the idea that maybe his dear Maddie would sob over him, that she’d denounce Jack when she saw that he was no longer an option. How deeply poetic it’d be for that to happen. He never liked the idea of her only realizing their potential then but he couldn’t ignore the artful symmetry of it all. Some of the books that Maddie used to read in college had those even beginning and ends, those swooping through lines that tied it all nicely in a pretty bow. His first death had ripped her away from him. It’d gifted her to Jack on a silver platter, and his second oh how glorious it’d be if it drew her to him. Making her denounce her imbecile of a husband. Leaving the stocky man discarded.  Beauty was in the eye of the beholder and even with its harsh edges his death bringing her close to him was something to behold. If only that was what he was watching happen.

Unfortunately for Vlad Masters Owner, Ceo, and founder of Vladco. Life was not an art piece nor a well orchestrated game of football. No instead he got to lay still (half) alive in his exceedingly expensive casket and listen to the dolt sob.

It started like all of the worst things while heading to the Fenton's for another plan to be set in motion. The restraining order was still being held up in the courts so there was technically nothing legally stopping him from seeing them, or especially her. Besides he was a billionaire, those things were more fine machines than anything for him. Once it was enacted all he’d have to do was pay a fine.

Unfortunately it was during the drive that issues started. Again finer details notwithstanding for he’d run them all in his head a thousand times now while laying in this blastedly comfortable casket. While on the drive it became clear to him he was being followed.  No matter , he’d smugley told himself. He’d been followed by techbro fans before they were easy to deter. Easy to remove from his time and life. However in a deeply detestable turn of events the car following him did not belong to a fan.

He knew from the offset of seeing the make and model that it wasn't his average follower, those types usually had older beaters or worse highly expensive care that they had no business owning. No, instead this car was perfectly down the middle of class and price. How he detested those cars, they had no class. It was effectively similar to the many unmarked police cars that he used to have follow him during his brief stint as mayor. 

Regardless the car was tailing his limo, it was simple at first to attempt to outmaneuver them. Eventually his limo was pinned.

Blah blah blah mindless details later some pointless shooting at him with guns and he’d jacked their car. In the end it was simply easier to fake a fatal car crash. then there were all of those witnesses that had to see his death. Walking it back was impossible all circumstances considered. At least when they attacked him they only knocked his driver out, the legal case of that would have been a logistical nightmare and he still had some hopes of getting access to his funds later. 

It was almost funny in a karmic way. Almost as poetic as he had wanted pretending to be dead to be. Only problem was it was poetic in exactly the opposite way. The person that he hated most there sobbing the loudest. It’d be so much easier if it was Madeline sobbing. If she was sobbing, a faked death could be almost satisfying. If she melted down it could almost be worth it. Instead it was Jack Fucking Fenton. 

Numerous things were to be expected from his funeral, Daniel's arrival, yes, Maddie’s, undoubtedly. Even Jazz’s and Jack’s all expected arrivals. Some of them were more annoying than others but they were the requisite arrivals. Even his gaggle of ex flings was to be expected (they had to try and get their hands on the estate and money somehow. Well jokes on them he’d left it all to Maddie). No, what he hadn’t been prepared for was Jack’s incessant wailing and sobbing. 

The man was besides himself absolutely losing his mind right next to his goddamn open casket. It was getting hard to keep a straight face when he wanted nothing more than to leap from the plush silk sheets and throttle the man. His hands might not quite reach around the other mans thick neck but he could give it a good try he was sure. To put it simply and without intense amounts of rage he had mentally calculated for a lot of variables, not one of them being Jack of all people struggling to breath, choked out sobs instead of breaths coming from him as he hovered nearby. Not a single variable included being cried on by the most loathsome man in all of Amity Park. Every tear that fell on Vlad’s extremely expensive make up was another tally against the man’s. Had he no clue how hard it was to not flinch every time a drop of water splattered on his face? It was much harder than it looked he’d have him know.

Didn’t the idiot realize that he hated him? That he’d never cared for him? At least not since his death. 

Worse was when Maddie and the Fenton children staggered in, he could smell the alcohol on them from a mile away. It was tasteless! The smell alone nearly made him leap from his casket and throttle them where they stood (Maddie with exception of course). Have they no respect for the dearly departed? Have they no care for social decorum? Those Fenton spawn would never survive in high class society. Not like himself and Maddie. Oh how he wished he’d never gone for those pale imitations. They hardly kept up with all that he needed.

All he had to do now was ignore everyone and get through the funeral and he could be Plasmius full time. Pursue Maddie 24/7 with no worries of the law (though with some worries of Phantom). If only those blasted Fenton's would stop spreading rumours about him! And he knew it was them! Who else would say such outrageous things?

Okay certainly if one wanted to be technical Danielle was his daughter, but he hadn’t raised her. She was not his blood, she was not his in the most important ways.

Then there was that rumour about the-

“He-hey Vlad.”

Oh, oh no.

“I uh, I’m gonna miss you.” 

No no no no no! He couldn’t do this! He wouldn’t do this! He would not stand for this! He did not go out of his way to fake his death for this. 

Jack blew his big blubbering nose into a handkerchief so hard it honked. Honked! He was going to throttle this man at his earliest convenience. Getting cried on he could deal with, revolting as it was. What he couldn’t and wouldn’t deal with getting yammered at. That was not in the details. He did  not  plan for this.

“I- uhm- I know we weren’t really close these last few years.”

That was putting it lightly.

“Or really at all since college,” there was a wet laugh from Jack.

If that oaf ended up coughing slobber on him- Maybe if he tried hard enough he could die for real, that’d be nice. He’d never really craved death before, not like in this moment. It’d be so much easier if he just didn’t have to hear this.

“I-I know you didn’t really like me in the end.” 

Wait what? Had he finally gotten a clue? That was a first. Maybe his overt plotting had finally gotten through to the oaf. If Jack attacked him now that’d almost make this all worth it. He might even consider revealing he’s Plasmius if he did.

“I know I messed up, I-I must have hurt you, I don’t really know how, but- but uh, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Yes ye- He was what?

There was another laugh sob from his  ex  friend,” It’s probably too late since you’re uh- dead, but whatever it is I did to hurt you, I'm sorry. I hope,” he trailed off into a high pitched keening whine. 

Stop stop stop! This is not what he wanted!

“I hope you rest well Vlad.”

Footsteps receded away from him at that. 

Well what the fuck was he supposed to do with that? What in the world was he supposed to do with that knowledge? Internalize it? Grow and change as a person? He was (half) dead! He was well past the point of growth! He was beyond growth.

For all Jack knew he wasn’t coming back! For him and basically all of them he wasn’t coming back! The only person that would know was Daniel and maybe his sister if he told her. Maybe his brat friends if he messaged them. 

What did Jack get out of telling him all of that?

Certainly not money, the will had left everything to sweet Maddie, not him. Some sort of moral upper hand? A sense of feeling like he got one over Vlad?

No the dolt wasn’t that complex, his intelligence lay somewhere between absentminded and incompetant on a good day, there was no moral forethought. Yet why did the words settle so deeply in a corner of himself? Carving out a crevice in him that ached and burned?

“Did you hear about why Vlad couldn’t buy the green bay packers?”

Why? Why did it dig in his flesh? why when he’d thought he’d burned all of that away.

I'm Sorry.

“No, why?”

Life was easier when he was fully alive. College life was simpler. At least then he could fool himself that Maddie thought of him equally as she did Jack.

“Well I heard that he was stalking the team!”

What?

Why would he stalk them? He’d never stalked someone once in his entire life! (death maybe but he’d never admit that) he could buy all the tickets to their games he had no reason to stalk them!

There was no practicality in stalking them. Just like Jack had no reason to apologize to him! The idiot didn’t even know what he’d done to hurt him. He hadn’t ripped the apology from Jack. He wasn't on his knees begging from him. Hell he didn’t even know that he’d killed Vlad. Jack Fenton was as oblivious to the fact that he’d died back in college as he was to the fact that his own son was dead and playing hero as Phantom.

The density of the man was rivaled by no other.

But then why did he apologize?

“Did you hear?”

He got nothing out of it.

Why did it ache?

Burn? He wanted for years nothing more than to make the man sob and beg for forgiveness.

Why did having it fulfill nothing?

“About him and the Box Ghost?”

Would it burn just as painfully if he finally got sweet Madeline’s confession? Would it ring just as hollow?

“I thought it was the lunch lady ghost?”

No. There was something about Jack that made it wrong. Something about that blathering moron that lashed the words to him like a blade.

“I think it was both.”

And what the hell were they all blathering on about? What was all of this nonsense about Box Ghosts and smuggling and stalking? What were any of their empty little words? 

Did any of that really matter? Their blathering human rumours and petty squabbles when he, the very guest of honour in all ways but one was laying here before their very eyes on the precipice of something? He was teetering at some edge, he didn’t know what it was but he could just make out the shape of the hole he was almost toppling in, he just had to know what it was. He just-

“Well I heard-”

They heard- they heard! What did it matter what they’d all heard! Nothing that they heard could matter in the slightest not when he was dealing with this! Not when he was reeling with whatever this was! The weight and size of it completely overtaking him and yet none of them aware, he was suffocating being overtaken by the edge of knowledge some realization he’d yet to make and hee still couldn’t read it. All because they wouldn’t stop blathering on and on about what? Lies?

Stupid foolish tales spun by his greatest enemy!

By a child.

If it were not for the show and pageantry of it all, if it were not for the display that he’d set about around him he’d be yanking his hair by the roots, tearing it slowly strand by strand from his scalp. And if there was one thing that Vlad Masters was, it was a showman! He was dramatic and he was going to be so unabashedly it was not his fault that there was no one that yearned for his life to roll onwards like Jack. None of it could be held against him. He was a romantic! Everything he did was for  her.

Had it truly all been for nothing?

All these years.

Had she never really cared?

“Dirty money, attached to drugs. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot pool.”

All this time.

Did he really-

“Never even mentioned a daughter!

All his schemes!

Jack's tears were so warm when they cut the thick funeral makeup.

“So many secrets for him to keep.”

Dozens of attempts on his life!

Did he really  care? The water on his face was still warm.

“Wasn’t the cause of his crash a run from the law?”

“Would you all just shut up already!”

Silence blanketed the church as Vlad’s voice finished ringing out the wooden box still perched on its little stage. The casket was still shaking and the flowers were falling from the box as the hush grew sharper. Energy crackled from the casket shooting out and blowing the bulb above. Glass fell from the light falling gently on the flower petals. 

None one spoke, Danny’s father had a hand over his mouth, new large tears welling up. He looked green and pale, unlike most of the stunned guests he looked like he was about to be sick.

Danny shot a glance at Jazz, she nodded and jerked her head to the side. He ducked out. Things were about to get hairy.

There was no response from Vlad for a second as it seemed the outburst was done. Even the children who’d been shrieking with laughter and joy from their play for most of the funeral were silent. The falling glass and shaking box were deafening in the silence. Danny ducked behind a pillar and into the doorway that led to the restrooms. There was no one there. The closest person was his mom but she was standing silent and stunned not an eye tilted away from the casket. He couldn’t blame her.

It wasn’t everyday your incel stalker had a breakdown after he’d legally died.

He transformed. On the most part there weren’t many people near the casket. It was just a few lingering Exes, most people were near the refreshment table. His first line of action should be to grab the people near the stage and get them to safety. Then?

Well the rest was adlib. 

At least he had stored the Fenton thermos in his suit jacket (just in case). If only Sam or Tucker were there. Things were so much easier with their help.

Just as he was about to jump into the situation, the group of exes all swarmed Vlad. Shit he’d have to replan everything. He wouldn’t be able to get in an ecto-blast with out the fret of hitting one of them. He could always try Ice or a little storm cloud?

Just as a new plan was starting to formulate one of them (Maria?) slapped Vlad hard across the face.

Smack.

The noise echoed loudly across the church.

He grimaced.

Oh.

He did not want to get in the middle of whatever that was. He really didn’t want to get in the middle of it at all. Backing back into the bathroom he turned back to normal. Didn’t matter what the situation was, he was not going to get in the middle of a dozen or so angry exes and Vlad. It was his grave (even if Danny had helped him dig it a little) like hell Danny was getting buried with him.

“Vlad Masters!” one of the exes screamed,” you slimy pathetic excuse of a man.”

Yeah Danny was not getting in that, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to watch.

“Ow!” Vlad cried out, his eyes were glowing red, but aside from that he still looked very much the same. 

Weird, Danny didn’t expect him to stay in human form. He guessed it made sense if he changed into Plasmius the gig would be up. There’d be a lot of questions too. Knowing Vlad’s tendency to monologue he might even explain the concept of Halfa’s.

“M-Maria!” the older man stammered out,” darling hello-”

The woman smacked him again,” I’m Maggie,” she spat out.

Danny winced, yikes. Makeup covered Vlad's gaunt face but Danny could imagine the smarting red forming on his cheeks.

“Y-yes of course, how could I mistake your beauty, how foolish of me to compare the two of-”

The clearing of a throat interrupted as Maria herself tapped her foot.

“Maria!” Vlad exclaimed this time correct, even if taken by surprise.

“Yes,” the woman agreed,” but don’t mind me, what were you saying? Something about comparison?”

The billionaire awkwardly laughed as he seemed to take in the fact that he was surrounded by all of his exes. Phantom wasn’t even needed. Villain defeated right then and there by the rage and power of his many exes. Again Danny found himself desperate to find out whatever the older man had done to make everyone hate him so just to do the express opposite.

When he actually fully died he hoped his funeral wasn’t this… whatever plan he actually ended up with he just didn’t want this.

“So,” Jazz said as she settled next to him leaning on the pillar with him,” any idea what got him up?”

“Nah,” Danny shrugged looking over to his sister. She looked more sober now, less unstable on her feet.” He didn’t really decree what his gripe was this time.”

Jazz sighed,” so no winner yet.”

“Unfortunately,” he said,'' He also technically didn’t go ghost mode.”

Jazz groaned resting her head on his shoulder,” I wanted to go home, these heels are killing me!”

He stuck a tongue out at her,” shoulda transed your gender like I did,” he teased quietly.

“Ha! Really funny Danny,” she flatly commented with a roll of her eyes at the tired joke.

“Ah meany,” he pouted.

“You walk in these heels at a funeral,” she complained again,” At least if he went full ghost It’d be socially acceptable to ditch them.”

He bit his tongue remembering a rant that Sam had gone on recently about heels and social pressure. How she’d then thrown one of her platform boots at Tuck when he made a remark. Jazz probably wouldn’t appreciate his lovesick ramblings about them.

“Looks like we'll just have to continue to watch this unfold.” he said instead with a sarcastic twinge.

“Oh what a shame!” Jazz said flatly,” sucks to be us.”

Danny snickered as Vlad continued to try to dig himself out of his hole. How he wished Sam and Tucker were here. Unfortunately for him they were both far too busy. Ah well he’d just have to video it all for them.

How unfortunate for Vlad that he was made to sit through his own will reading, and how fortunate for Danny Fenton that he was the one that got to watch it all go down. In the entire time that he and Vlad had been nemesis he never knew just how much he wanted exactly this to happen. Actually if someone ever suggested this happening younger him probably wouldn’t have appreciated just how funny this was. No fourteen-to-fifteen him was far too invested in things like learning his powers and finding out just how observant the rest of town was. Also looking cool. Adult him however? Freshly 21 and college attending him? Oh he could enjoy the fuck out of this situation.

There was some minor debate among some guests over how ethical it was since Vlad's ‘ghost’ was now here to view the reading. Some point could be made that it might be weird...

“Isn’t it rude?” one family member had suggested.

But...

“It might be in bad taste,” another guest had even pipped up.

No one really liked Vlad anyways

“Oh no!” Morgan said,” I want to know what it says, and who better to see how accurate it all is.”

Oh how glad he was that those few were beaten out. How glad he was that the crowd was seeing blood. That the group was too nosey and invested in the drama to really get caught up in such small things as ethics.  How grateful he was that the exes were in half a mind to Kill Vlad a second time.

Fortunate he was, that his luck was finally turning up. It might even be the universe trying to pay him back for all of the shit he’d been dealing with since he was fourteen. Return investment on the untimely youth death. Honestly if it was it was a pretty bang up start all things considered. He’d have to find out if there was a ghost involved in the control of karma. They might just end up with an edible arrangement on their lair door. Older adults loved that shit so ghosts should too.

“Hm,” the lawyer said when they entered the room with the walking corpse of Vlad masters. The office was small and hardly held everyone, but snugly, far too snugly for comfort they all fit on the other side of the large desk.

No one said anything to the lawyer. Whether the man had been privy to the rest of the funeral or had just arrived Danny didn’t know but he had to admit this entire situation was bizarre even with full context. Not many of them knew ghost rules and the only ones that did were in either stunned or gleeful silence. There was no objection to the fact that Vlad had dragged his body with him, not a voice descenting on the fact that his form hadn’t shifted. Not a single attendee seemed perturbed by the fact that Vlad was not really a ghost.

Even the paid bounty hunters didn’t know how to discern ghosts from humans judging by their stunned expressions. Though he’d love to watch one of them attack Vlad in the middle of a church. Stabbing a man in the house of god might just be a big sin, though Danny wasn’t sure.

“Well this is unprecedented,” the lawyer commented,” never in my time have I ever seen a dead man rise for the reading of his own will.”

Vlad grumbled but no one could make out the words as the two exes on either side of him glared. 

Oh how fortunate Danny was indeed, never before had he ever been so glad for his untimely death. If it all led to watching Vlad squirm like this still trying to keep his alter ego a secret? Pain and strife, the many attacks and attempts on his life were worth it.

“Well if there is no protest,” the lawyer said. For a moment Vlad looked very much like he wanted to protest, but the glares of the exes kept him silent and made him snap his jaw shut. Danny knew what went into keeping a corpse looking fresh. Shame the mortician seemed to have skipped wiring the jaw shut. Then, Vlad didn’t seem to need physical wires to keep him silent and well behaved, his Exes were all doing that job very well.

“In that case,” the lawyer sounded queasy, if Danny wasn’t so invested with the drama unfolding he might have turned to verify. “Then I believe we will begin.”

The man started out by reading the long legal preamble, the paragraphs upon paragraphs of titles and information about Vlad that was included. Danny understood that him being the owner of VladCo was technically important for the will but did he need to include all of his ten titles at the company in the will? It just felt excessive. ‘Ceo, entrepreneur, founder, head of decisions, etc.’ did anyone care? Leaving out the most important title of ‘asshole’ was the biggest mistake of his will.

“Yes I think we get it,” Monroe said, her accent clipping the words in stiff professionalism. Bless her for cutting the pain short. “I do have,” the woman glanced at the cousin who was still holding her hand,” A more important social engagement to attend to with Carmila.”

The lawyer stammered,” yes of course ma’am my apologies.”

“It reads:

‘First, I hereby denounce all previous wills made by myself, Vlad Masters, no matter nature or kind.

Second I Vlad Masters hereby appoint,” the lawyer paused making a face before he continued,” Madeline Fenton love of my life as the executor of my estate, networth, and-” the lawyer paused,” the ownership of my beloved cat ‘Maddie the cat, the third-”

“Huh, I guess you listened to my suggestion after all and got a cat.” Danny muttered as at the same moment his mother reached her breaking point

“You what?” Maddie was standing out of her chair, indignation flaring in her eyes,” Vlad! I don’t want any of this.”

“But but,” Danny tuned the man out as he made the normal declarations of love. Trite at this point his mind was already trying to entertain itself. Fast forwarding this would be nice, if only his core was time based. But no he got Ice, and Weather, and other weird disconnected powers. He was electrocuted to death! Cruel that he didn’t get cool electrocution powers.

They were still arguing when he tuned back in. Loath wasn’t a powerful enough describer for this love diatribe that Vlad spewed every three to five business days. His mom yelled something back, a few of the ex wives even chiming in agreement. Well at least they didn’t hate mom that was a plus.

He shot Jazz a look as he repositioned his phone camera to get a better shot.

‘This again?’ he tried to communicated with his expressions. Tuck usually laughed when he tried and Sam told him he looked to constipated.

She shrugged and nodded as if to say  ‘this again.’

“I am happily married! I told you I won't leave Jack for you!”

Tuning out the conversation didn’t seem to leave out many details. Everything was falling exactly into the same patterns as always.

“Maddie please-” the billionaire tried to beg.

This made the woman snap,” no don’t Maddie please me! You have not respected my decision to marry Jack since it happened, well guess what Vlad it’s too late for you! You were never even an option!” she turned to Jack and put a hand on his shoulder. her voice much softer when she spoke,” come on honey we’re leaving. Kids?” She turned to the two Fenton children. The both of them stood with no protest. Like hell they were going to end up on the wrong side of their mother right now. Mission orientated as she was they had no doubt she could commit Vlad's murder and get away with it. legally she might even considering the fact that he was technically a 'ghost' right now.

Just as she was about to step out the door she turned,” oh and ladies, don’t worry about a legal battle I’ll work with our family lawyer to transfer everything to all of you.”

There were some small thanks from the stunned Exes as the office door latched shut behind them.

 The air in the car was-

Well the word tense didn’t really sum up the air but it was the best approximation that Danny had. It could have gone worse, he supposed he could have genuinely ended up fighting Vlad again. Chances where that if he fought Vlad while he was Plasmius that the formerly rich business mogul would then use the moment to out Danny as Phantom. Not just his family but all of the church. If he had to rate the evening it was definitely not as bad as he expected. About a six or seven, depending on his critical he was being.

“Uh so who won the bet?” he whispered to Jazz. he wasn’t worried about his parents, Maddie was soothingly rubbing circles on Jack’s back as the man drove. That and they were sat in the back, sometimes the front seats struggled to hear them at a normal level forget a whisper.

Jazz furrowed her brows,” I guess neither of us really won, he didn’t even go ghost.”

Nodding, he thought back to the man’s loud entrance,” He also didn’t say what rumour got him up.”

“So do we both lose?”

“I guess?” he looked over to his parents,” so we both tell them?”

Jazz sighed leaning back in her seat, hair dramatically laying behind her,” yeah I guess.”

“You don’t hav-”

Jazz cut him off with a snort,” no it’s fine, my things not really as big all things considered.”

Fair, she had a point with that. Their parents already knew that she was interested in men and women but still revealing partners to them was always weird and nerve wracking. The first time he’d introduced Sam and Tuck as partners and not friends he’d expected a lot more questions. Turns out if you hunt ghosts for a living nothing is really weird after that. They just bought him new sex ed books. Sentiment appreciated but still weird considering he could google that sort of thing now.

“So Danny,” his mom said, her fingers tightened on her phone. They were lucky she got old brick Nokias instead of those new Smart phones. She’d break them in a week. Jack wasn’t paying them much attention as he drove, he seemed to still be shell shocked. Hopefully he didn't crash, okay so maybe he didn't always like car rides. Sometimes the looming threat of a car crash really messed with his obsession.

“Yeah mom?” he asked.

“I was talking to some of the ladies.”

“Uh huh?” wherever she was going with this he didn’t like the tone.

“And imagine my surprise when one of them tells me Vlad has a daughter.”

“Weird right,” he said. Please stop, please stop! He begged, wherever this was going it was nowhere good. It would have been better if he’d just died in that accident. Screw whatever he thought back when he thought his luck was turning up. He was still the most unlucky bastard in all of amity park.

She hummed in agreement,” and imagine my surprise when they said she was your cousin.”

Danny didn’t have a response to that, Jazz was stifling a laugh next to him.

“And then,” she said,” she showed me a picture of her.”

“Really.”

“Yeah, Danny," there was a pause as she seemed to collect her words," why does she look like you pre transition?”

“Does she?” sweating wasn’t really something he did so much anymore, not since his core started cooling his mortal flesh, it was nice sometimes. But it didn’t stop nervous sweating. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Hadn’t- Danny,” his mother sighed,” sweetie if you want to start presenting as a girl again you can. We won’t judge you.”

Wait what, “ what?!” 

Shrieking loud bursts of laughter came out of Jazz. 

“Jazz!”

That set him off, it was just so ridiculous.

“Honey I’m serious,” his mom sounded so upset her tone lost. She really was trying.

He couldn’t help it, it wasn’t his fault. It was just so out of the realm of what was happening. Man his parents really didn’t have any of the facts.

“Danny?” his father asked the tenseness in his shoulders from the funeral leaving way to confusion.

Him and Jazz made eye contact and the laughing got so much worse. If being part dead didn’t make him need to breathe so much less he’d be choking. He’d die, it was just- they still didn’t know and somehow that was all the funnier. God he was calling Tuck and Sam right after he explained everything they were going to get such a kick out of this. Especially Tucker.

“That’s not-” wheezes high and stringy, cutting him off, he was struggling even with his ghost lungs.

“Danny my boy,” Jack asked quietly,” what’s funny?”

“We’re trying to support you Danny!” his mother exclaimed.

Finally he quelled the laughter enough to speak,” okay okay,” he whipped a tear from his eye. “I’ll explain it all it just probably isn’t something dad needs to be driving for.”

“Danny what do-”

“Just trust me okay?” he grinned at his mom in what he hoped was reassurance. 

She sighed and looked at her husband, Jack furrowed his brows and the pair silently communicated before the man hit his turning signal.

 The small side road was perfectly out of the way enough that no one would be able to peer in. It was some half abandoned picnic area but none of them reached for their seatbelts to leave the car. It was just the closest spot they could stop.

“Okay,” he started giving Jazz a look, she nodded comfortingly,” Remember how the portal didn’t work at first?”

It took them a moment but they nodded in remembrance. 

“Right well I died.” it was best to just rip the Band-Aid off.

“What?”

“Danny- honey you’re not dead.”

He thought so at least, he sighed pinching his nose,” I need you guys to wait for questions till the end okay?”

“But honey you’re not dead!” she didn’t sound so sure as she looked him over.

“What your mother said my boy! You’re sitting right there!”

Danny groaned,” guys please?” there was a pause as they looked at each other and finally finally agreed to wait till the end. “Sam said I should check it out, see if I could fix it. I put on my suit, and,” he made a buzzing noise with his tongue,” the button shocked me to death when I hit it. It was dark so I didn't see,” he looked to the side. The trees outside were swaying peacefully in the wind. Jazz put a hand on his shoulder, he took a steading breath and clenched the hand with the thin invisible scars. “It was an accident but,” he turned back to them resolution in his eyes,” I died that day, When I woke up, well, brace yourselves okay,” he let the tugging cold of hic core shift and change his appearance.

There was silence. He’d expected something but, no, even Jazz wasn’t saying anything.

He cracked an eye open, his parents were staring at him dumbfounded. Yeah that was about par for the course.

“Well this happened and now, I’m half Ghost,” he admitted,” everyone in the ghost zone knows that’s why there were always so many attacks at the school.”

“Half?” his mom asked despite herself.

Danny nodded,” yeah I still age, and need to eat and breath... mostly on that last one. It’s kind of cool I can go invisible,” he demonstrated before changing back,” and phase through things and float,” he demonstrated both in succession allowing the belt to glide through him as he hovered up an inch. “Shoot Ecto-blasts… probably best if I don’t do that one in the car though,” he laughed.

“Okay,” his mom said. 

“Okay?” he asked.

His father nodded,” sure Son, we love you. It’s weird but, well we hunt ghosts for a living.”

He laughed,” yeah fair enough.”

"I-" his mom looked over at Jack," We're proud of you sweetie, that's a lot to undertake at so young."

he chuckled," it wasn't so bad, I had a lot of help," he grinned at Jazz," Between her Sam and Tuck I don't know if I would have lasted half the battles I did."

"You knew Jazz?" Their father asked his tone soft and slightly hurt.

She smiled softly," yeah, I walked in on him transforming. Thought it was best if I let him tell you guys."

"Part of the apprehension might have been the dissection thing," Danny addmited.

"I- honey-" his mom put a hand over her mouth in shock.

"I'm sorry son," His dad said," it was closed minded of us to assume stuff about ghosts we didn't know."

"Well you weren't always wrong. Just usually."

“So ‘Elle?” his mom prompted before Jack could pepper in questions about what the got right.

He sighed,” yeah her full name is Danielle, technically she’s the only living clone of me Vlad made.”

“Only living Clone?”

“Vlad made?”

Man he had a lot to explain. Years of events just gone unsaid. Some small part of the divide between them was shifting, growing smaller. 

“Is now a good time to tell you guys I have a girlfriend?”

Danny choked on a laugh. Not to long after his parents followed after the tension disrupted, Well at least he had Jazz to help explain. Sam and Tucker too when they weren’t busy. It'd be a mess and weird to finally clear the air between them, but at least he knew they were proud of him.

[fruitcoops]

ok so firstly I love any loops and jules fic but secondly could we have one where jules is having a really tough time (either missing loops/ picked on etc. ) and then we see loops (not coops) surprise him and is just so protective - just sibling fluff that’s it

Oh Jules, I’m sorry I did this to you. What a wonderful prompt, though! I’m always down to write sibling fluff! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove <3

TW for bullying (older kids picking on younger kids)

Contrary to popular belief, Jules didn’t brag about his brother every minute of every day. There was no point, and he wanted to be known for his own talents rather than living in Remus’ shadow for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, some people didn’t seem to understand that.

A balled of lined paper smacked into the back of his head. “Heads up, Loopy!”

Jules threw the ball back; it bounced off the end of the table and hit the ground pathetically. “Nice shot,” Aidan snorted as he passed, bumping his shoulder against Jules’ and making him stumble. Several people laughed. His face burned with embarrassment.

“Yeah, I bet your brother’s really proud of that,” Luke sneered. He was a big kid, far bigger than Jules both in height and muscle even though he was only a couple years older.

“Don’t talk about my brother,” Jules said, much quieter than intended.

Luke raised his eyebrows. “What’re you going do about it, Loopy?”

“Just shut up.”

“Who’s gonna stop me?” He leaned across the cafeteria table and Jules fought the urge to back away. “Huh? Your brother? He’s never around.”

“He’s busy.”

“He doesn’t want to be here.”

“He does,” Jules insisted, feeling his throat tighten. “He does, he just doesn’t have time—”

“He’s a celebrity, dude, no wonder he doesn’t want his tagalong brother around.”

It’s not true, Jules told himself. It’s not true. Time and time again, Remus had told him that hockey came second to family, but after months of not seeing him it was starting to feel false. “Shut up.”

Luke shifted in his seat and folded his hands. “Face it, Loopy: your brother’s not around because he’d rather spend time with his cool friends than an annoying little kid.”

“Leave me alone.” Jules’ voice cracked and Luke grinned.

“You’re gonna cry?” he asked, full of false sympathy. “Aw, poor baby.”

“It’s not true.” It was getting harder to believe the words. “He visits whenever he can.”

The lunch bell rang before Luke could retaliate; he ruffled Jules’ hair too hard to be comfortable and left, already laughing with his group of friends. What a dick, Jules thought as he swallowed down the tears.

He made it through the rest of his classes in a daze and walked home on muscle memory. It was a cold day for April, but maybe he could blame his red-rimmed eyes on the wind. Maybe Luke is right, part of him argued. There wasn’t a lot of evidence, but it was enough to make him want to throw up.

“Hey, baby, how was your day?” his mother called when he opened the door.

That was the tipping point, the tiny pebble that shattered the cracked glass dam holding back his tears. Jules sobbed once, dropped his backpack on the floor, and ran for the safety of his bedroom. “Jules—” The slam of his door cut his father’s concern short.

He grabbed the family picture off his wall and threw it across the room—there was no glass or frame, only tape, so seeing it flutter to the ground was far less satisfying than he had hoped. Remus had him on his shoulders for the picture; they all looked so happy. Jules sat down on the other side of his bed and buried his face in his arms, letting the emotions he had been holding in for three full hours flood out.

Deep down, he knew Luke was a liar and a bully with nothing better to do than pick on younger kids. That didn’t mean his words hurt any less.

A few minutes later, there was a gentle knock on the door. “Go away!”

There was a brief pause, then another knock.

“Just—just please give me a minute, mom!”

“I’m not mom.” Jules’ heart skipped a beat. “Can I come in?”

You’ve never been around to help me before. Anger reared up in his chest. “No!”

Remus hesitated for a moment. Jules hoped he was shocked, stunned, hurt. “Okay.”

There was a rustling noise; he looked around the foot of the bed to see a shadow in the crack beneath the door. “Are you—what are you doing?”

“Sitting down.”

“Go away.”

“No.”

“Mom, make him go away!”

“What did I do, Jules?” Remus sounded sad. There was none of his usual teasing in his tone. The anger twisted around in Jules and he scrubbed at the tears and snot on his face.

“When did you get here?” He knew he was being rude; his mother would have given him a pursed-lips look if he talked like that to anyone normally.

“A couple hours ago. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“It’s a terrible surprise. Go away.”

“Not until you tell me what I did.”

Jules took a few shallow breaths before answering. “You’re never here. Never.”

“I know. I’m s—”

“I hate you,” he sobbed, bringing his knees tighter to his chest. “I hate you so much.”

There was a long stretch of silence on the other side of the door, but the shadow remained. “That’s fair,” Remus said quietly.

“No, it’s not!” Jules clambered to his feet and stomped over to the door, wrenching it open. “It’s not fair! I shouldn’t hate you, this is your job! You should—you should—”

Remus looked up at him from his crosslegged seat on the carpet. “I should what?”

“You should yell at me. Or make me open the door, or do anything that makes me angry at you.” He sniffled and hugged himself.

“When have I ever yelled at you?”

“The rat. And the water balloons. And when I stole your sticks. And when I froze your underwear.”

Remus winced slightly. “Fair point. I don’t keep yelling once you’re in the room, though, right?”

Jules deflated. “No.”

“So I’m not going to yell at you. Also, your bedroom smells weird, so I don’t want to go in there unless I have to.”

A smile tried forcing its way out and Jules covered it with his best scowl. “My room doesn’t smell weird.”

Remus sniffed the air, then shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

“Why are you here?”

“Mom said she was getting ice cream.”

Jules perked up. “Did she?”

“No.” Remus held up the car keys. “We can fix that problem, though. Go get your shoes.”

“Can I drive?’

“If you can convince dad, sure.” Remus stood up and mussed his hair; his hand was gentle, though, unlike Luke’s. It was a welcome change.

He grabbed his sneakers from under his bed and hopped down the hall as he pulled them on. “Dad, can I drive?”

His father didn’t even look up from the paper. “When Hell freezes over, buddy.”

“Lyall,” his mother scolded from the kitchen, though her eyes crinkled at the edges. “Remus, remember not to swear around your brother!”

“I won’t, I won’t,” he said, holding the door open for Jules as he shrugged his coat on.

They drove in relative silence, save for the Top Rock Hits of the Eighties cassette that they had each heard half a billion times. Remus pulled into the Dairy Queen drive-thru and rattled off Jules’ favorite without even having to ask. Somehow, that both soothed him and upset him even more. He handed the cone over carefully, stuck his blizzard in the cupholder, and started driving in the opposite direction of the house.

“Are you kidnapping me?” Jules asked, licking a stray drip of vanilla off the cone.

“I don’t think I can, seeing as we’re related.”

“You can. You don’t have custody.”

“Why do you know that?”

“Why don’t you, Mr. Fancy Degree?”

“This might surprise you, but they don’t exactly cover the intricacies of kidnapping in PT school.”

“Shame.”

Remus made a noise of agreement around the straw of his Blizzard as they rolled to a stop at the red light. “So, are we going to talk?”

“We already are.”

“Dude.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He made a face when a chunk of Oreo got stuck the straw. “If you get that out before the next light, you can have a sip.”

Jules took it and squeezed the thin plastic. “Luke Sanders is an asshole.”

“Language.” The car stopped again and Jules showed off the unblocked straw. “Do continue, though.”

“You’ve hit every red light since we left the house. That’s got to be a curse.” He took a long sip, then handed it across the console. “You like hanging out with me, right?”

“Obviously. You’re, like, my favorite person.” Remus gave him a confused look.

“Okay, cool.” Jules felt his hands start to shake again, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t from his ice cream. Just hearing him say that made a tsunami of relief run through him. “Cool.”

“Did Luke Sanders tell you I didn’t?”

“He said a lot of stuff.”

Remus pulled into a parking lot, then took the key out and turned in his seat. “Like what?”

Jules shrugged one shoulder. “That you don’t want to be here.”

“And?” His voice had softened.

“And that it’s my fault, since I’m an annoying little tagalong.” Jules picked at the paper wrapper around his cone and didn’t look up. “He’s got a p—”

“If you say he’s got a point, all your underwear is going in the freezer.” All traces of gentleness were gone from his tone, leaving tightly-controlled fury in its place.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t—” Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please don’t apologize, Jules.”

“You’re upset.”

“Yeah, because some little shit was picking on my brother and I wasn’t there to kick his ass.”

“I can handle it.”

If anything, that seemed to upset him even more. “Does this happen a lot?”

“Sometimes.”

“Have you told anyone?”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to be a tattletale.”

“Jules, there’s a difference between being a tattletale and reporting a bully.” Remus tipped his chin up. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Jules’ lower lip wobbled. “I missed you. I always miss you, but he’s been really awful recently and he keeps saying the same stupid stuff over and over.”

Remus’ nose and cheeks reddened. “I missed you, too. If I could be here all the time, I would.”

“I know it’s not your fault, and I know you’re busy.” He wiped away another tear and tried to pull himself together. “But it’s not fair.”

“It’s not,” Remus agreed. “It’s not fair that I’m gone nine months out of the year, and it’s not right that people are making fun of you for it. Hang on for a second, okay?”

Jules nodded, still drying his cheeks. Remus got out of the car and jogged to the other side, then opened the passenger door and gestured for him to get out; as soon as his sneakers touched the ground, he was lifted almost a foot into the air. “I’m sorry for yelling,” he managed, burying his face in his brother’s neck.

Remus kissed the side of his head and held him close. “I’m sorry I’m not around more.”

He hooked his chin over Remus’ shoulder. “Can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Will you be here whenever you can? I know that might not be often, but just…when you can.”

He felt Remus’ chest hitch against him. “Always,” he whispered. “Always.”

[corpsebasil]

Easily Replaced | Part 5

part 6

The Ocean looked like it wanted to strangle you with both hands.

"There's no other way out of Kerch?" You demanded, clinging to Jesper's arm as you walked towards the docks.

Since you were eight, you’d hated the sea. Hated the smell, the look, everything. It looked angry today, not even a day after you and the Crows had hired the Conductor, the sky murky overhead, the humidity making your hair frizz. You wrinkled your nose and gripped Jesper's arm tighter, savoring his familiar scent and warmth.

"I've got you, you know that." He told you, stunningly gray eyes winking down at your pinched face. He knew why you hated the water—what haunted your worst nightmares. He had nightmares, too. "We'll be in Ravka soon. Then we can rob a Grisha tent, or feed Kaz to a Volcra."

"We could feed Inej to a Volcra." You mumbled, and Jesper poked you roughly in the side.

"Inej is lovely. As are you." He reached over and fiddled with the Volcra tooth on your necklace, pinching it between his index finger and thumb. "Where did you get this, by the way?"

      She tugged it out of his grasp gently, the tooth sharp against your skin. Memories of a snowy wasteland north of Ravka and a woman with a cane and the temperament of a wet cat came to mind. You missed Marmee, the woman you’d lived with from the time you fled Ketterdam at eight until you were fifteen, and her strange Fjerdan ways, desperately, even now.

Even when you bore scars from the country that had pulled you out of the lowest point of your life.

"My grandmother." Was all you said, and Jesper took the hint to drop the subject.

"We'd better hurry," Kaz's voice met your ears and you shivered involuntarily, refusing to meet his eye when he passed you on the dock. "this weather is shit. We'll be lucky to get into Ravka by sundown in these conditions."

His limp was worse today than usual—it always pained him more when the weather turned cold and rainy, and he clutched his cane roughly, a scowl on his face. You knew he'd be grumpy today. He always was when he hurt.

"Maybe you can bully the ocean into calming down." You mumbled, and Kaz shot you an exasperated look.

You weren’t sure what you’d expected to change between you and Kaz as of last night, but you shouldn't have been surprised when the first words to you from him were rude. He made a face at your hair, piled hazardously on top of your head, and snorted.

"Did you battle a wildebeest?" He asked, gesturing vaguely at your head, and you didn't deem him worthy of a reply.

"Good morning." The Conductor sniffed, nodding his head at you as he approached the group on the docks.

"You're late." Kaz deadpanned in reply.

"Are you excited to cross?" Jesper asked The Conductor loudly, ignoring his friend, and the mustache-wearing man looked up from being jabbed in the bicep with a sharp nail from you as a greeting.

"It's all part of the trade. I've crossed more times than I can count." He gestured to his sleeve and smiled half-heartedly.

You reached over and snatched up his arm.

"HEY—" you squealed, and Kaz flinched. "Look at this. Look." You commanded, and held the poor man's arm out towards Kaz. On the Conductor's left forearm were quite possibly the most tallied scars Kaz had ever, in all of his eighteen years, laid eyes upon.

"I want this many tallies," you said, grinning down at the man's arm. "the Fold is so scary—how do you get across it? Have you ever fought a Volcra? I have."

"You have never fought a Volcra," Kaz commented, but everyone ignored him.

"It's a trade secret," the Conductor replied, giving you an amused look. "you'll see once we land in Ravka."

"Where's Inej?" Kaz asked, turning to Jesper, and you let out an unflattering grunt.

"We're holding up the ship." You said and pulled your arm from Jesper's, stomping your way towards the deck. Your eyes darted towards the churning water as you stepped over the gangplank to the ship, your stomach tossing in unison as you forced down haunting images that always followed the sea.

If you didn't lose your lunch before you got to Ravka, you’d lose your mind.

~

"It's not fair that I wasn't born a Sun Summoner," You pouted and crossed your arms over your chest, slouching aggressively. "Why does Alina get to win? I'd look great in a Kefta."

      The boat trip to Ravka had been brief but debilitating. You’d only seen Inej once, puking over the side of the ship, but you were still so irritated with the Suli girl for winning Kaz's favor and for cutting your face that you didn't do more than offer her a handkerchief.

Even then, the two of you stayed in tense silence around each other.

    Now that you were in West Ravka, piled into a carriage, you and Inej wouldn't stop playing The Staring Game, waiting for one another to crack under the weight of the other's stare. You were crowded against the window of the small carriage you were in, and it was burning hot.

"You look great in everything." Jesper told you, pulling your attention, and scooted closer on the bench beside you, stretching out his long legs.

      The Conductor wasn't leaving either of you much room and Kaz, across from you, wouldn't stop death-glaring you like he expected you to summon a demon onto the carriage just because you were there.

"What the hell are you looking at?" You snapped, irritated with the weight of Kaz's glare, and he rolled his eyes.

"How'd this happen?" Jesper asked, and poked your cheek with a frown on his face. He ignored his best friend when Kaz gave him a glare that implied he was committing treason. "And where'd you go off to last night? I saw you sneaking off down the street all dressed up in your murder gear."

You glared at the person you liked the most out of everyone in that carriage and poked him right back.

"None of your business," you said maturely, and glanced over at Kaz. He watched you with an inscrutable look on his face that made him look like he'd smelled something foul. "I got bit by a snake." You said, and shot daggers at Inej with your eyes.

The girl at least had the decency to look embarrassed for throwing a knife at you.

"I bet." Jesper snorted, elbowing you like you were talking about an inside joke, and Kaz cleared his throat.

"If you two are going to be annoying," he began, and rolled his cane between his fingers, "you ought to ride in the box on the back of the carriage. Some of us have more important things to do than gossip."

"Like what?" You demanded, and Inej stared at the window like she was waiting for a miracle from God.

"Like the Conductor." Kaz started, his eyes sliding to yours, and he frowned before looking to the man crammed against the window beside Jesper. "I didn't hire you simply to get us across the Fold. You're with us because you smuggle Grisha out of the Little Palace, and that's the location of our target."

"Sun Summoner." Inej corrected.

"Alleged." Kaz cut back, and Jesper snorted.

"They wouldn't keep a fraud in the most secure location in all of Ravka," Inej pointed out, and Kaz ignored her, sending a zing of satisfaction up your spine.

"You said you have a contact who can get us inside. A Heartrender." Kaz continued, and the Conductor nodded.

"Mmhmm."

"How do I know we can trust her?"

"Nina grew up there."

"Most Grisha grew up in the Little Palace. Very few would betray their general, and fewer still would help foreigners kidnap their most prized possession."

"Nina's a radical. Thinks Grisha should get to choose if they serve the Crown. She despises involuntary service more than she does Fjerdans."

"What's wrong with Fjerdans?" You scoffed, raising an eyebrow, and Kaz rolled his eyes. You thought you were going to hurt him if he rolled his eyes at you one more time.

"She's Grisha." The Conductor laughed bitterly, casting you a look. "Don't be stupid, girl." He said and despite yourself you felt embarrassed.

"Watch the way you speak to her." Kaz set a dark look onto the Conductor and the man frowned.

"My apologies." He grumbled, turning to look out the window, and you mashed your lips together to prevent a smile.

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