#to be clear: michael is the oldest and luci is the baby

[peppermint-whiskers]

At long last! We have Michael! Lucifer's twin even tho they're the farthest apart in age uwu

Michael is the leader of the archangels and is the Protector. It's his job to protect Heaven from outside threats, like the Ars Goetia and any primordial gods/creatures that may or may not exist (still debating on that last one). Essentially, if Hell truly had an uprising with all the sins and all the other demonic royalty, Michael would be at the front lines. Unfortunately, he takes his job as Protector a little too seriously: he purposely hid the missive El left that said to keep communication with Hell and to maintain the population via redemption. Instead, he offered exterminations as a solution.

This is a HUGE no-no, one that he dragged Sera and even Adam into (and by extension, the exorcists). Because he's expressed true remorse, he wasn't harshly punished except for strong words and a directive to focus on his job and to cooperate—for now.

Fun fact: Michael is the oldest and was used as a template for Lucifer! That's why they look so similar uwu Like Sariel, Luci didn't have a specific purpose aside from ✨creativity✨ and Michael was probably the least receptive to his ideas

[thekillingjoke-haha]

Angel With A Shotgun

Summary: The Novak family was big talk,but not nearly as famous as the L/n’s. Togther they can be unstoppable,so what say family ties like guns,drugs,money,and murder?

Paring: Michael!Dean x Male!Reader

1900's Mafia/Gangsters AU

A/N: this is a Micheal fic,but its him in Dean's body so like...idk its the same snake different skin. Also Chuck is referred as Charles

Warning:Blood,guns,knives,gore,torture,swearing. Homophobic comments like just a few. No proof reading

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The Novak's that a family that was one of the most feared yet respected. The way people talk about them down south you'd think they were inspiration for the Bible itself. A man by Charles or Chuck Novak is the head honcho with five sons to help him run is kingdom.

The youngest is Castiel he was probably the nicest of all his siblings,but also the most protected with three other brothers, Gabriel is the definition of trouble and if he slipped up head could easily get lynched good thing he puts that silver tongue to work. Raphael was one of the more head strong,but sadly he was shot when several rivals attacked at on of their bars. Lucifer is the second oldest and the most hot headed with a temper to match the black sheep in his family if you will, then last,but not least Michael he was something else entirely the play boy,a demon is a flat cap and tailored suit.Now that the Novak's have been introduced the world's most feared gang the L/n's is one family not to be fucked with.

(Father's name) leading his kingdom no...empire with his wife (Mother's name) and togther they had only two sons. The second born William and the oldest M/n. William wasn't much involved with the criminal side of the business,but his big brother was the prime example of a gangster. No one besides the L/n gang has seen him he stays out of newspaper coverage and that only allows his terror to run ramped. A man with no face and a title of Satan himself made the oldest Novak just a little timid when he found out. "WHAT THE HELL!!!" Michael threw the newspaper on his fathers desk in anger the older man looked up after glancing at the paper. "I'm due to be wed to a L/n and none the less a man! I can be hanged for so much as saying I do and it IN THE FUCKING BULLETIN!!!" He was seething with hatred in every word. Michael will admit it hurt a lot finding out he was to be wed by the slight disgust look he got while grabbing the paper before getting coffee. "I wanted to tell you sooner,but you were handling something. There's no way out of this a deal was made before you were born me and (Father's name) have been waiting for his wife to bare a girl or your mother to do the same,but your mother's untimely passing and (Mother's name) having gone unfertial our oldest are due to wed." Chuck sighed taking off his thin wired glasses.

"You two were once friends,but I guess time got rid of those memories." Chuck sat down his spectacles down looking at his son. Michael turned to father with shock evident in his eyes. He was friends with M/n L/n the man with no face. Everything was too foggy. The shorter male stood up to a shelf in the office and grabbed a small match box opening it looking around before pulling out a picture. Handing it over to his son he sat back down. "He was one of the only people you'd go to when you were a baby. Heavens he was probably the only person you liked,but when he was five and you were three the fact that our business was centered around blood and there's on bonds it became a fight,mafia versus a gang, and you guys saw eachother less and less till around the time Luci was born not at all." Chuck sighed. The young man was in shock a little boy maybe two or three was cuddled up to a baby in a pale blanket that he remembered was blue fully awake and if the picture could come to life he's sure the boy was humming all while rubbing the infants back.

"No ones seen a picture of him in twenty six years and he was on his fathers hip with a match box car. He's in town and should be coming for dinner here by himself in three days time. So til then keep your brothers in check we don't need them to shoot the young man with a stray bullet." With that Charles dismissed his eldest son as the green eyed boy stormed off in a huff. Michael started to do digging. M/n L/n was in headlines weekly in every post known to man from shootings,assassination,and gangbanding to rumors of his love-life,what he wears,and people claiming to have met him. One thing caught his eye that made him falter. "Gangsters M/n L/n Captures Murderer" that when he started reading the full paper that crumbled a bit due to age. Maybe he's not so bad the guy he caught never saw a courtroom,but met a far worse end all because he caused problems with his people. It was admirable the brunette knew he'd do the same,but not just for anybody. Marriage wasn't settling well with him that didn't mean it felt completely wrong.

One day later

Looking in the mirror Michael watched as his maid adjusted his tie while another smoothed the wrinking in his white button up and vest of his three piece suit. As the oldest he had business to handle people to keep in line. When their hands left his body they scurried out of the room rushing to be down stairs before him. His dress shoes met the floor as he grew closer to the door his youngest sibling ran up next to him. "Can I come,please!" His raven head of hair and doe blue eyes almost made him cave,but with a firm look he gazed down at him. "Sorry little raven,but I have things to handle another time." The pout on Castiel lip didn't move as he held up his hand his pinky out. "Promise?" Interlocking with the ten year olds pinky. "Promise." With that he happily skipped away to play in the garden.

Out the door he went. His flat came on his head and coat thrown over his shoulder his effects tucked in his waistband. Screams caused him to smile as he stood before the butcher on payroll. He wore the man's leather apron having abandoned his tailored suit jacket in the front of the deil. "Were is my money?" He cut the man some more as he continued to scream in pain the white fire from the rusted meat hook in his shoulder flaring with each jerked motion. "Help please!" He yelled all of a sudden in the past hour he hasn't called for assistance. "No can do." A deep voice said behind the oldest Novak turning around sharply his green eyes clashed with e/c. The man looked like anyone off the street his shoes tattered and clothing dirty form labor no bet. "I came for my five notes." The didn't seem fazed at the torture. "Fuck you gypsy scum!!" The pig of a man responded as the tall s/c man crept closer gripping a knife Michael was using. "I just unloaded a load of meat in the summer heat that would give the devil a sweat and all I asked for my effort was five notes nothing more nor less so cough of the money that you clearly owe both of us or I'll carve it out of you and make you squeal like the piggy bank you are." His tone dropped further the blade under the man's fat chin and the Novak felt aroused at the threat. This guy meant every word when the hanging man spat in his face the off color of snuff and blood made the normally clear liquid seen and thick. Let's just say Michael sat back crossing his legs in a attempt to compose himself as the man hit pitches not even the girls in the church choir could master. The heavy weight man forked over the money then some I got my full and he ended up giving the mystery man a hundred notes if he made the pain stop after pocketing the money he shot the man.

He turned around and began to leave when the brunette stopped him. "Wait! I give you my thanks friend he was stubborn for a hour almost" The h/c man turned looking at him giving a smile tilting his head for the Novak to follow as he stepped out the deli. Scrambling he walked down the street next to the man their attire clashing a well tailored suit next to rags that looked more like a potato sack then cloth. "Glad I could help a fine looking fella like yourself." His flirtatious grin caused butterflies to run ramped in Michael's guts. As they walked down the street they slowly moved from the good side of the town to the slums. No cars drove on the gravel a fire hydrine spat out water for all the children playing around it,women hung up clothes on wire between tenements and men looked more like the mysterious gypsy next to the Novak. Speaking of the mystery man he went to each crowded tenements door and knocked the women or young men of the families came to the door and he handed over twenty notes each. The women cried and clung to his tall figure and the boys almost men looked at him in wonder like a hero before running off to tell the adults of the place. "Why did you do that?" Michael asked as they walked out of the town. "You worked for that money and gave it all away." He was confused he's never seen a man work for a family that wasn't his own.

"They need it more. Schools out the children don't get meals and the men work hard to feed them at least a meal a day. I'm alone here no lover or children with the energy and muscle to work." Novak wasn't sure before,but he was sure now this was love and it felt better then any harlot he could spend the night with. "Thats very admirable of you." Michael complmented which was not a normal accuracy. "It was truly nothing to admire,handsome. I'm not saying I'm amazing,but sometimes I'm decently above average. That's what people need someone decent enough go care."

Before he knew it they were back on his side of town and getting closer to the business. "It's been a pleasure,Mr. Novak." The man dripped his head as he turned to leave somewhere. "You know who I am and I don't even get a name." He turned back around and got closer to him his chest pushed up against his till he was pinned to the wall he leaned down his lips so close to his face just out of reach. "I'm N/n,but you can call me the man of your dreams." Michael almost leaned up to peak his lips when the warm body pulled away taking with it the lust filled tension. N/n turned and left out of sight that night was full of the man tossing and turning dreaming of the e/c man that made him feel high as the clouds above. N/n smiled as his men drank around him he finally saw his baby boy all grown up and he's taking what's his this time.

Two days later=Six Hours Before Family Dinner

The buzz of the New Yorker coming to Kansas was the rage. Any man that was new in town was watched like a hawk by commoners and the Novak's. Michael was no longer looking forward to this marriage he didn't want this man no matter who he was. N/n stole his heart like a petty thief and ran away from him. No one in Kansas knew who he was a s/c skinned,h/c haired,e/c eyed gypsy was all he had to go on no last name just a image that burned bright in his mind. Michael sighed as he left his office and went down to the bank he needed enough cash on hand to throw away on booze and maybe angel dust. People parted for him like the red sea and he easily got money when gun shots went off. The teller in front of him fell to the ground wounds ridding his body and Novak turned to see men...no boys with guns.

"Everyone get down on the ground. We've come only for the money we won't hesitate for blood as well." The group chuckled as the leader smirked people shook as they easied to the ground all except Michael who stood tall. "Ah! If it isn't Michael Novak no men to protect you now." A man he didn't realize came behind him hit him over the head with his gun causing him to fall to his knees. "Pathetic." The band of thugs leader grabbed the Mafia bosses chin looking and the blood coming from his brow. Someone stood from on their knees a flat cap covering their hair and a long trench coat that was only slightly open. "It would be in your best interest to leave,boys." They all train their guns at the man. "Why's that,you motherless bastered?" The man turned his gaze upward deadly sharp e/c orbs looked at him and Michael was in shock it was N/n. "Cause I have twelve guns ready to blow holes in you and your men." After his words ten men stood up all wearing the same clothing flat caps,overcoats,and suspenders with a Tommy on every man except the leader. The cowardly man looked frightened looking around keeping his gun on the s/c man. "I only count ten I still have the upper hand." N/n gave a devilish smile that made Michelle gaze on love struck and excited for what's to come. His gray trench coat hit the floor and two sawed-off shotguns in each hand. "Upper hand you say?" He pulled both triggers the left one killing the man sending himself flying back and the right killing the man behind Michael blowing his brains painting the tan walls this made the others fire as well. The bodies of the criminals and one civilian litter the floor.

N/n sent the men off to get the people out as he walked up to the bleeding Novak. "Thank you." His green eyes gleamed making the standing man give a grin as he held his hand out to help him up. "Consider it a gift from M/n L/n." The gleam disappeared from his eyes his soon to be husband was in town has been in town and set his men up to keep him safe. "Now if I'm not mistaken you have a dinner to get ready for,pretty boy." He takes the handkerchief out of his waist coat dabbing the blood away. "Will you be there?" Michael voice sounded weak so full of hope. "You can count on it. We'll be seeing eachother alot more." The man stood up and quickly left and not a moment later Mafia men came in running tending to the boss. Looking longingly at the piece of cloth (Your Initials) were sowed into the reddend white square of fabric.

Family Dinner was about to start the Novak's sat at the table Charles sitting at the end his three eldest sons to his right while his youngest sat to the left two spots were available one across from Michael and the other on the opposite end of Charles. A maid came in the dinning hall and cleared her throat. "The L/n's are here." Two young men came through the door one taller then the other the shorter of the two sat across from Michael while the other sat at the other end of the table closest to Michael and the other man. Charles smiled at them both and Michael was in a state of shock. "M/n been a long while hasn't it?" The oldest Novak looked at the man infront of him waiting for a response when the man he thought to be just a gangster working under the L/n's answered. "That it has Chuck. Sorry father couldn't come he had some other business to handle." N/n or M/n now to Michael's knowledge said before placing a hand on the man beside him. "This is Benjamin or Benny my right hand man don't mind him." The man gave a nod of acknowledgment his blue eyes piercing. "Heard about the blood bath at the bank quite impressive from what Michael has told me." A side smile and a teasing look was turned the mentioned Novak's way. "Saw low life scum trying to rob the place and touching what's mine,their little toys they call guns were child's play compared to my men." M/n sent a wink addressing the men hitting Michael from behind.

"Are you a knight that saves people?" The youngest asked his blue eyes wide in wonder. The s/c males eyes turned to the child a warm smile gracing his lips. "Sometimes when I want to be." A bubbly giggle rang out. "You saved Mikey making him your prince." Those words caused different reactions from all the men. Gabe covered his mouth trying not to laugh at his older brother,Lucifer grinned leaning over to his brother. "Did he have to kiss you sleeping beauty?" He chuckled lowly making kissing noises in his ear,Micheal was beet red as he couldn't bear to face any of them,Chuck smiled looking at his son and son-in-law,Benny nudged his boss sliding something to him while everyone was distracted. "Yeah and I'm gonna make him my king and take him to my castle." M/n leaned towards the boy and whispered in his ear. "We'll ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after." Castiel was gobsmacked as he gazed at his brother all giddy he was gonna live a fairy tale like in all the books their mother use to read. "Um if you'll excess me. I need some air." Micheal stood up and not long after M/n followed when given a reassuring nod from Charles.

The garden of the estate was beautiful in the moonlight and it wasn't hard to spot the oldest Novak on a bench on looking the pond that reflected the night sky. "You knew the whole time who I was." Micheal didn't look up at the man as he sighed. "Yes I knew who you were...we were once closer then the stars and the skies itself." The L/n sat next to him on the bench looking forward. "Chuck knew as well." Michelle turned in shock at that statement a goose chase for nothing. "He didn't know what I looked like now,but letters everyday asking about you seemed to do the trick." Those e/c eyes turned to look into those apple green ones. "Learning from a young age that in you grasp was the person you were due to wed was shocking I almost hated you,but the moment you grabbed my finger as if I'd slip away made me realize it can't be so bad." M/n held out his hand palm up so the younger male rested his hand in his grasp. "I was afraid at first you'd hate me. So I swore to protect you always. Some of my men live here with their families and they keep me posted. Just last year a rat was found on you door step admitting his faults."

Micheal remembered that the maids came rushing to get the family and a man bloody and beaten spilled his guts about planning to cross the family having been hired by a rival Mafia to get information to attack them at a weak state. "I know this won't mean munch to you know,but maybe at some point you'll be happy to carry my last name and call yourself my husband." In M/n hand that wasn't interlocked with Micheal's he opened a box revealing two wedding bands both were silver while one had a gold trim and the other had a f/c trim. "No matter what,Novak,I'll be there when yiu need me through it all most of the times guns blazing." M/n chuckled lightly taking in a deep breath. "Just ponder on it,pretty boy,I'llbe here waiting." as he slipped the ring on the silent man's finger before doing the same with himself he gently kissed the top of his head as he stood up and left wanting to give him space. Micheal smiled at the ring that perfectly fit his finger. The one man he felt attracted to was his guardian angel always there no matter what.

Lifting his hand up he kissed the metal band as a laugh left his lips. "My angel with a shotgun."

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A/n: Second Male reader and I had to spell check for almost 50 she/her in her so I think I got them all lol.

@spnquotebingo

Quote: "I'm not saying I'm amazing,but I'm decently above average."-Blacklist @spnquotebingo

[mantra4ia]

Lucifer 5x06 "Blueballz" reaction'd w/ spoilers

August 27th 2020

Pre ep. thoughts: This is the episode where Lucifer and Chloe finally sleep together, with the title like that how could it not be? The writers aren't even trying to hide it from us anymore.

That's a red herring. Oh what teases.

Finger locking foreplay? Yes.

He's holding up the crime tape for her...yeeees.

"Excuse us" not me, Us. ‼️‼️⚠️

Don't try to fool the lab tech. Ella sees all the evidence. They drove together. They're flirting at a crime scene. They are like high schoolers. Lopez knows.

"We have about 500 potential witnesses, that are all drunk and most likely very high." Lucifer has never looked so disappointed that so many people were on drugs.

Lucifer about DJ Karnal: "One DJ with a modicum of talent...but does everything have to be about sex" you waltzed right into that one...

Finally, we get to see an ex that's not Dan. Compared to Lucifers library of exes, It shouldn't be a problem. But it still seems to ruffle his feathers just as much.

"Cherry Jane?" Are you kidding me? That's too much temptation for Lucifer to ignore. That's like personal torment straight from God.

Jed: "are you still with Dave" Lucifer: "Dan!" You know we're in deep jealousy territory when Lucifer is defending Dan without a second thought.

Jed: "Are you in a relationship?" Ooooooooooooooooh noooooooooooooo! Lucifer's face does not like that.

You have no idea how close you are to death you are Jed. You've got a devil on your shoulder.

Lucifer: "The Detective had a child with you and I never felt the slightest bit threatened." Zing #1

Uggh, I hate those protesters. Sidenote: This episode feels very personal to me. Jed supporting a low income housing project which is awesome, and people are protesting for "the quality of their neighborhood." We have a similar development in my neighborhood except it's not low income housing. It's a project to turn a vacant hotel property into a mental health and rehab facility. Yet people in the neighborhood are affluent and are constantly protesting because they're worried about property value and the quality of their neighborhood and their schools. I'm so sick to death of it. I would do exactly what Chloe did. So much kudos to that woman. Great job on that bit writers!

Jed named the charity after Chloe. "He's trying to get close to you again. / No one would go that far just to be near me." 💜 "I did go to hell and back for you twice but who's counting?" Oh snap! 😈 Lucifer is tripping hard.

Chloe: "Are you jealous?" Lucifer: "Of that man child who scratches records for a living." Zing #2

At least Charlie doesn't have wings popping out everywhere.

Dan: "I have faith in you pal" Amenadiel: "Great cop, great dad, and your hair is so high" Dan and Amenadiel, bff's are too precious for words. #Dandielion

Lucifer's solution to a snake is poke it with a stick - how very Whovian.

"Chloe dumped you?" Oh man, you can just see Lucifer's nerosies are going into overdrive. There's practically smoke coming out of his ears.

"Lucifer's really experienced [in bed]" Oh man, Chloe's nerosies are going into overdrive.

"Oh, you're waiting on an STD check, smart." I still can't believe Amenadiel had an STD scare and a baby before Lucifer ever did.

Sweet, first the Dan twins now the Ella twins. Whatever happened to Dan and Ella? Put her back on the path to goodness.

"Did you steal my clothes?" Borrowed with no intent to give back.

Ever plan a raid: Let the return of lady's night commence!

Amenadiel: "Linda handed me the baby and left." Dan: "what did you do?" Dan is the perfect human.

"As long as the killer doesn't cry or wet themselves, I am in. I am gonna find the killer." Linda's zeal is out of this world, but don't burn yourself right out of the gate. Steady on.

Hohooo - Guys night in, incredible. It takes a village to raise a Charlie.

Although let's be clear, recycling these plots from seasons ago is going to get old real quick unless they get creative and mix things up.

Come on Lucifer, be like Trixie, make a funny face. It would be hilarious if Charlie was soothed be Lucifer's devil face.

I find it really interesting how Maze reads Ella. how she knows that Ella needs an improved sense of self worth. And that all it takes is to challenge her, throw down the gauntlet, and say "Step up your game Lopez!" Now I hope that Maze takes her own advice.

Did Chloe really just ask Linda about her sex history with Lucifer? I am turning purple.

"He's the oldest immature person in the world, nay, universe." Drunk Linda is still so stoic. Perfect foil to "the oldest young person Lucifer's ever met."

"You got played son." Dan's finest hour.

I CALLED IT. Straight out of every fanfiction ever written. Funny faces, right Trix? Faces that make babies laugh and grown men weep. I think we have an official new kind of Heavenly Bros tag team: Heavenly Bros versus the baby.

"Do it again Luci" my thoughts exactly Amenadiel. No wonder they've been saving up the devil face all season so far.

It's a little Sonic-the-hedgehog weird to see a devil face and human hands. I would have gone full effect on that shot.

So much body glitter. And dang, Linda crashed hard.

"You can't find a soulmate if you don't have a soul." 😭😭😭😭 But we were doing so well with her character development. Naughty writers, bad! Fix this now.

Oh Lord, the face and the dagger eyes Amenadude and Luci make when he thinks Dan or is going to wake up Charlie. And here I thought Lucifer's devil face was funny. DB Woodside's face is adorably 1,000 times better.

"You want my advice? Stop asking for advice."

NoNoooNoNoNooo, I want to Dan to find out about angels, but from Amenadiel. NOT LIKE THAT. Michael you ****HEAD! Oh this is going to mess with Dan's head. I hope Amenadiel can talk him down. Don't let this break up the BFFs #DanDielion and #Bracelet Bros. Please dear Dad! We just had Dan's finest hour, don't swing to the darkest hour.

Yep, set up the friendships just to knock them down. F---

"Incredible!" Isn't that what I said, like five or six points ago?

"Goodnight." 3...2...1... I think you're taking christening the new piano a little too literally Deckerstar. 😈💜🕵️‍♀️

I like how she says "oh God" when she can't unbutton his shirt, but he doesn't protest.

Yikes, I bet that's Dan calling trying to warn Chloe.

The writer's room are such teases. This whole season has been so heavily weighted with Deckerstar: will they, won't they, almost to the point where it got tedious. Almost. And now you're telling me that they got all the way to the penthouse bedroom, and we've seen all of Lucifer and Lucifer has seen all of Chloe, and WE don't get to see them...*Amenadiel-esque epiphany* oh, that's why you called the episode...

You cruel, manipulative b*******s!

So how are you going to explain the sleepover to Trixie? 😉

Grade: 9.5/10 DETECTIVES!

If you're here this season for the Deckerstar, there's a ton so far written specifically for you. Personally, while I love the good ship Deckerstar, I'm glad we finally made it to this destination so that it can evolve.

[adverb-slut]

To Be Human (Fanfiction) Part 3/?

Gah, this chapter ended up being really long for some reason, again. Anyways, thank you for your suggestions! I definitely will try to incorporate them into future storylines (perhaps the "demons getting arrested" one pretty soon ... y'know, since Mammon exists.) 

Real quick, here are some things to know about all the chapters from here on out:

Every chapter will begin with a Lucifer-Michael flashback, because he will be a really important character later on, and it's good to have a bit of background on him and how he used to be.

Not every chapter will be from Lucifer's perspective. The first three chapters were from his point of view because I thought his was rather neutral (for the most part) and therefore good for setting up all of these scenes. Anyways, yes, all the brothers will definitely get their time to shine in all of the various plotlines in this story.

As per the usual, here is the link for the chapter on AO3.

Title:

To Be Human

Summary:

When a mysterious force attacks the Devildom and destroys it, the brothers are forced to turn to their Father in the Celestial Realm for answers and assistance. However, the Almighty is still miffed at the seven due to their involvement in the Great Celestial War, and sends them to seek asylum in the one place they have yet to make their mark—the Human World.

Without the help of their beloved MC, the brothers must learn to assimilate into this strange new world, all while trying to figure out who is responsible for the destruction of the Devildom and take back their home.

Rating:

T

Word Count:

5003

Previous Chapter:

Read Chapter 2 here!

-

“Oh, Lucifer!” Michael’s voice reverberated through the House of Great Elation’s kitchen.

Lucifer, who had just been burrowing through the ill-stocked cabinets for something to eat, called back, “What now?”

“Look what I’ve got!” Michael exclaimed.  He pranced into the kitchen, holding a blond, baby angel over his head.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow.  Typically, when Father created His angels, they were fully grown, so that as soon as they were birthed, they could immediately begin their duties.  However, sometimes, when He was feeling spontaneous, the Almighty created angels that were mere infants, granting them the greatest gift of all time—the ability to grow up and have a childhood.  

Of course, as angels were infinitely busy creatures, there usually was no one available to parent them, and the baby angels oftentimes were brought up collectively by the entire Celestial Realm—that is, unless a specific angel volunteered to rear them.  

With that, a terrible thought dawned on Lucifer as he watched Michael rifle through the kitchen drawers with the child clinging on his back.

“Michael,” Lucifer began carefully, “why do you have that?”

“He’s cute, right?  A regular cherub!” sung Michael cheerfully, and it was not lost on Lucifer that he had avoided the question.  “Father gave him the name of Luke!”

Lucifer ran a hand down his face.  “Please, don’t tell me you’ve adopted him or something.”

“Then I won’t tell you anything.” Michael beamed.  He wrangled the baby Luke off of his back after procuring a frosted manna cake from the drawer and handing it to him.  

Luke cooed, an enormous, toothless grin growing on his face as he sucked the icing off of the cake.  He pat Michael’s shoulder playfully as if to show his appreciation.  

Lucifer watched, unamused at the interaction.  “Michael.”  The other angel ignored him, utterly absorbed in the baby’s itty bitty socks to pay any attention to his housemate.  “Michael, look at me.  I understand that this infant is cute, but you’re an Archangel—not to mention the General of the Heavenly Legions.  You’re at the barracks or down in the Human World, all day; there’s no way you can take care of a baby.”

Michael stared at Lucifer, his golden eyes widening for maximum cuteness.  “C’mon now, Luci, don’t be such a sourpuss.  Here, you hold him.  Once you see how cute and adorable and perfect he is, you’ll definitely want to keep him, too.”

Lucifer shook his head adamantly at the offer, but Michael wouldn’t take no for an answer and shoved Luke into his arms, anyway.  

He raised an eyebrow at the baby, who just a minute before, had been nursing Michael’s thumb and his cake, giggling happily.  Now, cradled in Lucifer’s arms, the child was silent and stared at him, appearing to size up the older angel.  A moment later, he closed his eyes with a pretentious air, stuck his teeny tiny nose in the air, and magnanimously offered Lucifer his now-soggy manna cake.  

“Thank you,” Lucifer replied stiffly, “but I’ll pass.”  He sighed when the baby hmphed and went back to sucking on his treat.  It appeared that the child wasn’t too fussy, and it especially seemed to get along with Michael.  Nevertheless, could the laid-back Angel of Destruction really be trusted to take care of something so tiny and helpless?  He did have a penchant for accidentally destroying things …   

Michael, who had seen the dubious stare on Lucifer’s face, reasoned, “Don’t look at me like that, Luci.  I’ll bring him to the barracks with me every day, and Simeon even volunteered to watch him on days I have to go down to the Human World!  You won’t even have to see him!”

“The fact that I have to see him isn’t the issue,” Lucifer assured.  He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  Simeon was an infinitely more responsible angel, and knowing that he was looking after Luke, too, was reassuring.  He groaned.  “Fine … I guess you can keep him here in the House of Great Elation.”

The Angel of Destruction clapped his hands gleefully.  “Yes!  You won’t regret it, I prom—” 

However, his celebration was cut short, when Luke, who had realized that he had licked off all the sugary frosting on his manna cake and was left with a sodden biscuit, began wailing.  

Lucifer could only raise an eyebrow as Michael sheepishly whisked the baby away from him, and put a finger over his lips to hush him.  

“Shh!  Shh!”  The angel noticed the offending manna cake in Luke’s hand and his eyes lit up.  “Oh, so you like sweets, do you?”  He perched the baby over his shoulder and began to walk out the door.  “Well, here, I’ll take you to Simeon’s—he makes this amazing dessert called ‘Simeon Rolls.”  They’re like spirals of baked dough with, like, an absolutely divine cinnamon filling and they’re covered in this icing stuff that you seem to like so much!  We kind of lost the recipe to humans—they’re dumb and took his name out of the title and call them “Cinnamon Rolls,” but the original Celestial Realm recipe is …”  His voice trailed off as the door shut behind him. 

Lucifer shook his head and smiled, turning back to pilfer once again through the cabinets for a snack.  Perhaps it was good that Luke had found Michael.  

After all, this child seemed to be one of the first angels who weren’t absolutely petrified of the Angel of Destruction. 

-

“God is dead,” Asmodeus glowered, “because I’m going to kill Him.”

Satan cleared his throat.  “In that case, God will be dead, since you haven’t killed Him yet.”  He stared at the structure before them and frowned.  “But let me know when you do, because I want in on that action, too.”

“A hovel!” Mammon wailed. “He wants us to live in a hovel!”

Lucifer shook his head at his brothers’ tendency to overdramatize things.  However, as he turned his head to the house that their Father had chosen for them, he decided that for once, maybe, their theatrics were warranted.

The edifice that stood before them was paltry, compact—almost shoebox-like—with no decorative (or even functional) exterior furnishings that could draw anyone’s attention.  It was if the house, too, was ashamed of its meagerness, and had tucked itself away to be as inconspicuous as possible.  Lucifer would have been less surprised had this building been a stable for his Father’s Royal Steeds, rather than a home for seven adult males.  

“You’re sure that this is the place?” Lucifer raised an eyebrow at Simeon, who had been relieved of his duties for a spell to deliver the brothers to their new home in the Human World.

Simeon nodded sheepishly.  “Yes, this is it.”  He read the address from the paper of information that Father had given him, before slipping it into his pocket.  “35 West Orville Court, Cedar Bridge, Wisconsin.”

Leviathan scratched his head.  “Please tell me that we’re somewhere in Japan.  It’d be so cool to actually live in the country that some of my favorite anime and manga took place.”

“Unfortunately, no, Levi,” Simeon apologized.  “We’re actually in the United States of America.”

Lucifer sighed.  “It doesn’t matter where we are.  What matters right now is that there’s no way that all seven of us can share that small of a house.”  The other demons chorused their agreement.    

While he most certainly loved his brothers, he shuddered at the prospect of living in such close quarters with them.  Back in the massive House of Lamentation, everyone was usually off doing their own thing; the only time they convened as a family was to eat meals.  If this house was really as small as it appeared on the outside, then he would have to see his brothers with sickening regularity (perhaps “sickening” was a strong word, but …).

“I’m hungry,” Beel muttered.  “Is there any food inside?”

Simeon looked thoughtful.  “I’m not sure, but since we’re going to have to go inside anyway, let’s go check.”  

“I can’t wait to see if the inside matches the outside in sheer stupidity,” said Belphie, rolling his eyes as the group followed Simeon to the dull gray front door of the house.

The seven demons and angel huddled at the entrance, where Simeon fiddled with his pocket until he procured a single key.  He handed it to Lucifer.  “You’re the oldest.  You do the honors.”

Lucifer blanched.  Only one key?  The first order of business was definitely going to a locksmith to get copies made.  Shaking his head, he took the key, inserted it into the lock, and turned, revealing unto them the inside of the house that their Father had “graciously” granted them.  

As soon as he saw the interior, his eye twitched, and he had nothing to say but, “Who would like to go back to the Celestial Realm and kill a god for me?”

Ignoring the chorus of “me’s,” that came from the group, Simeon shook his head and spread his hand over the entrance.  “Don’t condemn it before you’ve set a foot inside!  Here, let’s take a tour.  And try not to judge the décor too harshly—some of the Junior Guardian Angels were in charge of the design and they were on a budget.” 

“No kiddin.’” Mammon grumbled as Simeon led them across the threshold.  “This place is the pits.”

Lucifer had to agree.  The interior of the house from where he could see was sparsely furnished and the yellowish-white of the amenities gave everything a dingy air.

No sooner had they all stepped into the orange-carpeted entryway—which was so small that it could hardly fit the eight of them—Simeon took a sharp right.

“Since you mentioned you were hungry, Beel, this is the kitchen.”  Simeon gestured around the tiny room.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow.  This was it?  There was barely enough room for two people to stand comfortably, and there were hardly any appliances: simply a stove and a refrigerator, which Beel immediately rushed to.

“This is the smallest fridge I’ve ever met,” Beel sighed.  His frown grew even deeper as he pulled the door open, revealing it to be completely empty.  He looked down at his growling stomach, a fire raging in his eyes.  “Father will pay.” 

“Oh dear, I figured that’d be the case.  It looks like you seven are going to have to do your first round of human grocery shopping soon,” mused Simeon, looking at the unfilled fridge.  “But more on that later.  In the meantime,” he pulled out from his pocket another manna cake for Beel, “here you go.”

Beel stared at the angel dreamily as he took the cake.  “Do you always keep those on you?”

Simeon merely laughed as he walked deeper into the kitchen, which opened up to a dining room of sorts.  Lucifer assumed that the room had been built for a smaller table rather than the massive one that could seat the seven of them which resided in it now.  He wrinkled his nose at the water-stained wood that they were to dine on and the understuffed yellow cushions that adorned the dining chairs.

After several scathing remarks on the abysmal state of the décor from Asmo, Simeon led the group past the petite dining room into the living area.

“At least there’s a computer.”  Levi pointed to a laptop that sat on a comically enormous desk and shook his head sadly.  “Although I don’t think it’s the kind you can game on.”

Next to the desk were two mismatching sofas that looked as if they’d been plucked out of the Victorian era, and across from them was a dark brown TV stand with an old, boxy TV.

“What year do those Junior Guardians think it is?” Satan demanded, poking the television suspiciously.  “Half of this stuff belongs in a different century!”

“Like I said,” Simeon replied sheepishly.  “They were on a budget.  Come on, now, let’s go see the rest of the house.”

“I don’t know if I wanna,” muttered Mammon.  “‘Cause if it’s anythin’ like what we just saw, it’s gonna be C-R-A-P—crap.”

Lucifer silently agreed with the secondborn as Simeon now took them down a hall attached to the living room.  On the right side of the hallway was a single door, which Simeon explained to them was a closet.  To the left were two more doors, one of which was a paltry laundry room (it simply consisted of a washing machine and a dryer stacked atop each other) and the other, a bathroom.  

Asmodeus screamed when he saw the smallness of it, and there was a collective tantrum when Simeon said that it was the only bathroom in the house and that they would all have to share it.  

The biggest offender of the house was the room that haunted the end of the hall—the bedroom. 

 Singular.

“How nice of the Junior Guardians to line up seven twin beds for all of us,” Belphie deadpanned.

Lucifer blanched.  From the outside, he had known that the house was small, but not so small that all seven brothers would have to share a room.  

He’d always accredited the seminormal peace in the House of Lamentation to the fact that each brother had had their own space, whether it be to cool off from an argument in, or just relax and take some time for themself.  In this house, there was no such space, and he could already envision the cesspool of conflict that their home would become.

“I’d rather live in the burning Tartarus that is the Devildom than here,” Satan decided.

Lucifer nodded.  “I know that we’re supposed to be demons, but Father is the real demon for expecting us to live in this shed.”

“I say,” said Mammon, “that we go back to the Devildom, anyway, and see if the House of Lamentation is still standin.’” 

Simeon shook his head.  “Going back to the Devildom is impossible right now.  Because of this whole mess, Father’s shut down the border indefinitely.”

“Well, tell Him that we’re not staying here,” growled Asmodeus.  “We’re just going to have to get a bigger house.”

Again, Simeon shook his head.  “Don’t you see?  Father chose this place on purpose.”

“And what kind of purpose would that be?” snapped Belphie.  “To torture us?”

Simeon let out a body-shaking groan.  “Everyone, please sit down.”  He walked over to the dining table, and the brothers followed him begrudgingly.  “Take a seat.”

“These chairs aren’t too comfy,” Beel noticed, shifting back and forth in his seat.

“No kiddin,’” agreed Mammon.  “My poor rear end!” 

Leviathan rolled his eyes.  “You guys are weak!  I’ve sat in gaming chairs far less comfortable than this for hours! ”

“Why is he proud of this?” whispered Satan to Asmo.

Before Levi could snark a reply,  Lucifer hushed them by clearing his throat.  “If I recall, Simeon had something important to tell us.”  He gestured toward the angel, who nodded and pulled out the letter he had earlier from his pocket, as well as an envelope.  

“So first and foremost, I need you seven to fill out these forms.”  From the envelope, Simeon procured seven folded sheets of paper and handed them, as well as a pen to Lucifer.  “It’s just some information about your human persona.  From that, the Celestial Realm will have bank accounts and credit cards opened in your name, as well as ID cards made.  There’s only one pen—sorry—so, Lucifer, why don’t you just fill everything out?  We’ll start with that.”

“Okay,” said Lucifer, pulling out a form.  The first line asked for his “full legal name.”  As he was about to pen down, “Lucifer,” Simeon stopped him.

“Lucifer isn’t a common name in the Human World,” Simeon said.  “Perhaps just write ‘Lucius.’  That name is also not incredibly common, but at least it won’t get you as many strange looks.  And maybe as your surname put … eh—I’m not sure, actually.  You all need to have the same last name, so I suggest doing that last.”

Lucifer nodded and wrote what the angel suggested down.  The next few questions were simple—his height, his weight, allergies, blood type, medical conditions, and the like.  He filled out the form with ease and handed it to Simeon.  “Now for yours, Mammon.”  

The secondborn demon nodded.  “I want my name to be written down as ‘The Great Mammon.’”

After a round of groans from the demons, Simeon laughed and said, “Again, that’s not a human name—or at least, not an American one.”  Simeon rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  “What about ‘Marvin?’  It kind of sounds like ‘Mammon.’”

Mammon groaned.  “Ugh, that’s gotta be one of the lamest names, ever.  Why do I gotta have a name that sounds like ‘Mammon,’ anyways?”

Lucifer could see the logic behind the name, and answered, “That way, if we ever have to go out in public, it’ll be easier for us to remember what our ‘human name’ is if it sounds like our demon one.”

“Not that it matters for Mammon, ‘cause who’d want to go out in public with him, anyway?” snickered Asmo. 

Mammon, whose face had turned a beet red, shook his fist at his brother and reached over the table toward him.  “Wait ‘till I get my hands on you, Asmo, I’m gonn— ”

“—And now it’s Levi’s turn!” announced Simeon cheerfully.  “I suggest just keeping his name as ‘Levi,’ as that’s not too uncommon in this realm.”

Leviathan’s bottom lip trembled.  “You—you mean I can’t have a cool Japanese name like, like, Sasuke or—or—Ichigo?”

Lucifer stifled a smile as Simeon put his hand on Levi’s shoulder and said, “There, there.  Think about it, Levi; ‘Sasuke’ and ‘Ichigo’ don’t sound much like your real name, do they?  Why not make it easier on your brothers to remember and just keep your name as is?”

Leviathan consented by putting his hands over his face, muttering, “Why did I have to be named ‘Levi?’”

Lucifer pat his shoulder consolingly before flipping to the next sheet.  “Okay, Satan, your turn.”

The fourthborn demon crossed his arms and simply answered, “I’m keeping my name as ‘Satan.’  I’m not ashamed of it and don’t think it's necessary to assume an identity that I don’t have.”

Simeon smiled tolerantly.  “‘Nathan,’ it is.”

Satan’s face turned an unholy shade of red as he opened his mouth to berate the angel, but Lucifer cut in smoothly, “‘Nathan’ is good—sounds like ‘Satan.’  Next is Asmo.”

“I—I’m not goi—I refuse—no … ‘Nathan?!’” was all Satan could screech before Asmo chirped, “I’d like to be called ‘Adonis.’”  When the group simply stared at him, he gestured toward Levi, rolling his eyes.  “Oh, like ‘Sasuke’ was any better.  At least mine makes sense!”  He flipped his hair.  “I am the handsome Adonis of this group, after all.”

Satan, who had yet to recover from being given his new human name, darkly muttered, “Hopefully you get gutted by a wild boar like your namesake, as well.”

Ignoring Satan’s spiel, Simeon and Lucifer shared a look, before the eldest demon shrugged and wrote Asmo’s name of choice down.

Simeon turned toward Beelzebub and Belphegor.  “I’m sorry.  At the moment I can’t think of any human names that are similar to yours.”  He pointed behind them to the computer table.  “Perhaps you’d like to look some names up?  The internet is already connected—simply click the red-green-yellow circle icon and a screen with a search bar should pop up.”  

As the two meandered off to find suitable names for themselves, Simeon took the other forms that Lucifer had already filled out and reviewed them.  He nodded before handing them all back to him  “These look good, but Lucifer, you need to change all these allergies—more than half of the foods and plants listed here are all from the Devildom.  And ‘regurgitated by a giant sea monster pet and experiences minor movement issues’ has to go.  Getting eaten by a Kraken isn’t something most humans would live through, much less survive long enough to experience medical issues from.”

"It's a real issue!" Leviathan pouted.  "It's the only reason I'm bad at sports, I swear!"

Lucifer nodded, ignoring his brother.  He’d filled out dozens of forms for his brothers back in the Devildom, and he had just written in the information on these sheets as he had then.  He hadn’t stopped to think that not only would the names have to be adjusted to fit human standards, but the actual data, as well. 

As he took the papers back from Simeon, the angel raised an eyebrow and added, “And I’d change your and everyone else’s birthdays, as well.  While June sixth is a fine date of birth, the year ‘when the universe was first spoken into being’ isn’t … entirely possible for a human.”

“Then what year are we s'posed to put, then?” Mammon asked, holding up his hands in confusion.  “Besides Satan, we were all born around that time.”

Simeon hummed thoughtfully.  “Subtract thirty years from the current year and then choose from that range a birthyear that symbolizes which order you were ‘born’ in.”

“I see.”  Lucifer kind of wanted to ask the angel how exactly old he thought he looked when he chose the number thirty but decided to not put him on the spot, considering how helpful he was being.  He corrected the last of the completed documents and turned to Beel and Belphie, who were still huddled over the laptop screen.  “If you two aren’t done yet, I’m coming over there.”

“It’s okay, I’ve made my decision,” Beel said.  He turned to his brothers and announced, “My human name should be ‘Oreo.’”

A buzz of agreement went up from the seven demons, but Simeon stared at the group with a confused air.  “‘Oreo?’  I’m not sure that’s a human name.  In fact, I believe it’s a brand of cookie, as well as a common name for pets.”

Beel shook his head.  “It can’t be.  I typed in ‘good names’ in the search bar and that’s one of the names that showed up.”  

“And it looks like the computer auto-populated your search with ‘good names for dogs, ’” Levi, who had meandered over to the twins, read off of the computer.

“Aw, Beel, you’re just a great big puppy dog, aren’t ya?” Mammon laughed.

Beel looked down and muttered, “I didn’t know it was a dog name.”  He turned back to the screen to do another search and read one of the first names that popped up.  “How about … ‘Eli?’”

Asmo nodded.  “It has the same long e sound as ‘Beelzebub.’”

“‘Eli’ it is, then,” Lucifer decided, writing down the name.  He looked up at the seventhborn demon.  “And you, Belphie?”

“I don’t want any stupid human name,” Belphie said defiantly, staring at his eldest brother in challenge.

Lucifer put his palm to his face.  Why did he always intend to be so difficult?  “If you don’t choose a name, Belphegor, I’ll choose for you.”  When Belphie didn’t respond, Lucifer turned to Simeon.  “What’s the worst human name you can think of?”

“Any normal name spelled with ‘e-i-g-h,’” Simeon answered immediately.  

Lucifer nodded.  “That sounds terrible.”  He penned it down as Belphegor’s first name and turned to the rest of the group.  “It’s time to choose a surname.”

“How about LuciferNeedsToDie?” suggested Belphie, who glowered at the firstborn.

Satan grinned deviously.  “I second that.”

“I’ll agree to it only if we change it to LuciferIsAnEvilLord,” said Levi.

Lucifer shot his brothers a look.  “If you continue to talk like that, I’ll show you just how much of an ‘evil lord’ I can really be.”

“I have a suggestion,” Beel announced, still scrolling through the computer.  “Maybe a good last name would be ‘Daemon.’  It means ‘demon’ in Latin.”  

Lucifer tested the word on his tongue.  “‘Daemon.’  I like it.”

“A little obvious,” admitted Simeon, “but it’s not the worst.”  He took the last of the forms Lucifer handed him and the brothers watched in interest as he pulled out a few more items from the envelope.  “A few last things before I go.”  He handed Lucifer a shiny black card, pointedly ignoring the dreamy look Mammon gave it.  “This is my personal debit card for when I’m in the Human World.  It’s currently loaded with five hundred dollars for you seven to buy groceries for yourselves.”

“Five hundred?” Mammon exclaimed, his tan face paling.  “That’s not gonna buy as anythin!’”  

Asmodeus’ brow furrowed in worry.  “For once, I agree with the scumbag.  We’d be lucky to get even a cheap bottle of hand lotion.”

Lucifer shook his head.  His Father had said that He’d send them “provisions,” but he supposed that he should’ve known that Father wouldn’t be much help.  He felt the pit of anger in his stomach grow; how incredibly typical of the Almighty.  How in the world were the brothers supposed to make ends meet with this meager an amount of money?

“Please don’t spend my money on hand lotion, Asmo,” Simeon pleaded.  “It’s for food only, right now.  And don’t worry, lambs, the only reason why it appears I’ve given so little is that U.S dollars are worth a lot more than Grimm.  One dollar is equivalent to twenty thousand Grimm.” 

“So … essentially you’ve given us ten million Grimm?” Satan asked, his eyes widening.  “Simply for groceries?”

“Are you crazy?” Belphegor demanded.  “That’s not going to feed Beel for very long.”

Beel nodded in agreement.  “It’s true.”

“See, we in the Celestial Realm knew that your group of seven would have quite a few expenses, which is why Father chose for you such a small house.  He’s already paid for it so all you need to pay is property taxes and utilities, both of which will be quite low in a house this small in suburban Wisconsin.  That way, once you begin to start working and making money, as little of your income as possible will go toward the house.”  Simeon pushed the debit card closer toward Lucifer, who pocketed it before Mammon could snatch it.  “Father trusted you seven enough that you’d be able to find your way in this world, so the five hundred dollars is simply a gift from me.”’

Lucifer raised an eyebrow.  Could it really be that their Father had had their best interests at heart in assigning them this hovel?

The brothers sat in silence for a moment at Simeon’s words, before Asmo wondered, “Okay, I get the whole I-made-My-sons-live-in-an-actual-shack part, but if Father’s so amazing and wonderful, why doesn’t He make us live in an actually nice house, considering He’s supposed to be the ‘King of Kings’ and can do whatever He wants?”

“And how come he’s not actually supportin’ us?  Financially, I mean,” added Mammon.

Simeon laughed.  “Would you have accepted His help if He had?”

“Absolutely not.”  There wasn’t a note of hesitation in Lucifer’s voice.  His animosity toward his Father had subsided somewhat during this whole debacle but he would never forget the Almighty’s unfeeling and dead eyes as He hurled him and his siblings out of the Celestial Realm.

“I expected as much,” said Simeon, nodding.  “Anyways, here, taking Beel into account, I’ve composed a list of cheap but healthy grocery items to buy when you go shopping.  Some of the ingredients are already ones you’ve used in the Devildom, but there are some delicious new ones for you to try, as well.  Additionally, later in the week, I’ll come by and drop off an estimate of all the bills you’ll have to pay, as well as the credit and ID cards I promised earlier.”

“Simeon, how is it that you’re so knowledgeable of things in the Human World?” asked Satan.  “I thought all you did nowadays was guard the gates.”

Simeon smiled sadly.  “Back when I was an Archangel, I’d come down here, posing as a human, to direct and advise my little lambs.”  He gestured toward the debit card, which stuck out of Lucifer’s pocket.  “I’ve kept in touch with all the trends and changes going on in this world, should … Father ever reinstate unto me my former position.”

Out of respect for Simeon, the group bowed their heads and maintained silence for several moments, before Lucifer spoke up.  “Regardless of your status, thank you for helping us through this change, Simeon.  We’re all very grateful.” He turned toward his brothers with a stern look.  “Aren’t we?”

“Oh, yeah, totally,” Mammon began, and the other five chorused their agreement.

“You’re very welcome.” The angel beamed.  He handed Lucifer the prospective grocery list, as well as another sheet of paper.  “This is simply a record of some potential jobs for the seven of you to take up, as well as some phone numbers to call.”

Simeon began to walk out the door, leaving the brothers to their own devices, but before he could shut the door behind him, Belphegor called out, “Wait—how are we gonna call those numbers?  I’m gonna assume our D.D.Ds don’t pick up any human cell service and besides, they’re all dead, and we didn’t get a chance to pack their chargers.”

The angel’s smile was strangely cryptic as he replied, “Ah, I almost forgot to mention.  Your mobile phones will be coming later in the week.  For now, use the landline that’s on the desk.  As for cell service—and internet also—it’s being provided and paid for by the Celestial Realm’s own private company.”  Without another word, he shut the door behind him.  

“Huh,” Mammon said.  “The Celestial Realm goin’ capitalist.  Never thought I’d see the day.”

Satan rubbed his chin.  “It’s pretty nice that they’ve decided to give us all that free of charge.”  He paused for effect.  “Almost too nice.”

“Guys,” Levi began, biting his nails nervously, “did anyone consider the fact that because the Celestial Realm’s gonna be providing us with their own internet and cell service that they might be able to spy on us?”

Lucifer’s eyes widened at the realization.

That … was a terrifyingly real possibility.  

He groaned.  Just when he thought his Father had relinquished some of His control-freak tendencies.  

[nevrgoinoutastyle2876]

Hey so I don’t normally posy other fandom stuff on here but this is my most followed account and I need some advice on a fic. It’s destiel, please tell me if it’s any good and if you like it I’ll post the link to the rest of the story

——————

"Very well. Have it your way," Crowley turned to Azazel and Alistair, "boys, shall we?" I saw a smirk cross all their features, and before I knew it, Crowley and the others were shoving me and my friends into the water.

My name is Castiel Novak, and I'm a mess.

One big giant mess. Let me tell you about my day, how it went from good to bad, and how I ended up getting pushed into a lake.

Today, it was summer. Well... months into summer. School would be starting in just about six days. I woke up to quickly find out that it was one of the hottest days of the year. The sun was beating down like thick blanket and never left the clear sky. If I had to guess I'd say the kids in my neighborhood were all playing in sprinklers and having fun, trying to make the most out of what little they had left of summer. Since school was starting very soon, I thought that I should possibly do the same thing, and make the most of what I had left of the season.

I woke up early in the morning. I traveled down the stairs to see an all to familiar view. My Dad was no where in sight, probably in his room writing. My mom was sitting at the kitchen counter reading a magazine, completely ignoring the chaos in the living room.

To tell the truth, what was happening in the living room wasn't all that bad, but, still disturbing. Even though I've seen a lot worse go down in that room. The tv was on and Gabriel, my little brother was sitting on the floor in front of it, constantly changing channels. Anna, my sister, sat on the couch. She was pressed all the way to the end of the couch, trying to still sit there while being as far away from the other end of the couch as she could.

Why was she trying to stay away from the other end of the couch you might ask? Well... Luci, my oldest brother, was there, and so was his boyfriend, Michael. Michael and Luci have been dating for about a year or so. I was shocked they'd made it this long, seeing at they were polor opposites. Michael graduated highschool with a perfect GPA and taking a all advanced courses, while being a star football player as well. Now, he's going to college and spends his free time either with Luci or shadowing the doctors at the hospital so that it'll be easier for him to get a job there. Probably as a heart surgeon or something. Also he had a spotless criminal record.

Meanwhile, Luci had probably all E's in his classes before he dropped out. Never once touched a football and spent most of his time smoking weed with the other bleacher-creatures during the games. He was not attending any colleges and was job-less. His free time was spent either with Michael or at the police station, and it sure as hell wasn't for volunteering. I remember a couple times mom and dad refused to bail him out, so Michael had to go do it.

So yeah, I'm shocked they made it a year. But anyways, right now Michael was over and sitting on the couch with Luci. Well, it was more like Michael was sitting on the couch and Luci was sitting on top of him. They were making out. It was disgusting.

They were making weird moaning noises as Michael's hands practically groped Lucifers torso and chest. I wanted to gag.

I soon decided very quickly that I didn't want to be here, so slipped out the front door before anyone would stop me. Mom and Dad never cared if we went anywhere so I figured they'd be fine if I just left for a little while.

I opened the door and quickly went outside. I closed the door behind me and took a step out into the morning air. If I had to guess I'd say it was about 9:00am, the sun was blazing across the sky as I sat down. I let the warm air and occasional cool breeze wash over me. It was one of those, buy ice cream, go to the beach, summer days. I wasn't much of an outside person, but I enjoyed them none-the-less.

I stood up in my short sleeve, buttoned, baby blue shirt, and jeans before I began to walk down the street. My friend Charlie lived a few blocks down from me, and a few blocks down from there lived Dorothy. See, I had friends, but, there was only two of them. I have known Charlie forever, so we were always close. We met when we were probably five. I remember being at the park with Luci when I saw a small red-headed girl fall from the jungle gym. She looked hurt so I ran from Luci to see if she was alright. She was bleeding, but shockingly, not crying. I went to the bench where Mom was. I rummaged in her purse for the Band-Aids I always made her keep in there for reasons such as this.

I helped the girl bandage her arm to stop the small amount of blood. When I finished she turned to me with an incredibly bright grin and said, "are we best friends now?" And ever since then, we've never left each other's side.

Then Charlie met this girl named Dorothy when we first started middle School in sixth grade. She was pretty badass for a twelve year old and she shockingly decided to sit with us. So she became part of our group too. Now sixteen and we were all inseparable.

Charlie was the fun nerd in our group, she always had the best and craziest ideas out of all of us. Her bright and spunky personality made her instantly loveable. Dorothy was a bit more grounded but was always up for adventure, so when Charlie got an idea, Dorothy was the one to make it happen.

I was the downer of the group I assumed, mainly because I always tried to talk them out of their crazy ideas. But they were both stubborn and I bet if they had the chance to go to Oz they would take it in a heartbeat. They never listened to me, and of course, dragged me along with them every time they were up to some shenanigan. Like the day Charlie said we should go downtown and take edgy pictures of the train tracks, so we could be douchy hipster wannabes. The next day Dorothy grabbed her camera and yanked us downtown to the train tracks. That day we almost got hit by said train on the tracks.

See what I mean? Bad Ideas. But I will admit, there has been some good ones. Like two summers ago we were all sitting at Dorothy's house, bored with nothing to do, so Charlie randomly said we should go into town and take some weird class. We spent the whole afternoon learning pottery and making clay. That was fun.

So, in conclusion, I love my friends and their idiotic selves. That's why I was on my way down there now, to go do something interesting. I approached Charlie's house very quickly. Her house was small, probably the smallest out of all our houses. She was an only child and therefore really didn't need that much space. Her house was painted a red-ish orange color, it was like a burnt faded orange kind of. I don't know how to describe it, but it was pretty. Her grass was bright green lined with pink flowers around the house. Cute little white shutters to match with the windows.

The door was a plain brown and I smiled at it before I knocked. I always liked her house. I waited only mer seconds before the door burst open. Charlie looked like she had just been running. She grinned at me when she saw me standing in the doorway.

"I saw you coming from my room and came running." So I was right. She waited a bit before turning to stick her head into the house, "MOM IM GOING OUT WITH CAS!" She called, slamming the door shut immediately after.

I smiled at her again as she linked her arm with mine and started off down the porch steps. Today Charlie was wearing baggy jean shorts that went down to her knees, as well as a Star Wars t-shirt. Her head phones were wrapped around her neck and the cord trailed down her back into her pocket, where her phone probably was.

"Anyways, hi best friend!" She finally greeted once we made it to the sidewalk. I couldn't help but smile, even if it was faint.

"Hello Charlie." I greeted back, watching her long red hair bounce with each step.

"I was hoping you would come by today." She told me, seeming determined. I tilted my head a bit.

"Oh? Why's that?" I asked curiously, taking notice we were on our way to Dorothy's.

"Cant I just wannna see my friend!?... Alsooo when you were sick last week, me and Dorothy went out and discovered something really cool. We gotta show it to you." She sounded excited and picked up her walking pace subconsciously.

We made it to Dorothy's shortly after leaving Charlie's. Dorothy come out almost as fast as Charlie had, giving us her signature smirk before heading out. She was wearing skinny jeans and a brown shirt with her brown hair in a side bun. She was gorgeous I always thought, but not that I was into that kinda stuff.

We started walking down the road together, I started to sweat.

"Man it's hot out." Dorothy complained, sighing and wiping her forehead. Charlie smirked,

"Well duh, that's cuz I'm out here bitches," she grinned as Dorothy gave her a playful shove. I smiled shyly.

"Shut up," she told Charlie, still grinning, then laughing.

"So can anyone tell me where we are going." I asked curiously, changing the topic. I noticed Dorothy smirking.

"You'll have to wait." She told me, causing Charlie to suppress a smirk. I frowned.

"Guys, we are getting far away from town and-" I was quickly cut off by Charlie.

"Oh my gosh Cas, don't be such a stick in the mud. We'll be fineee." She urged, but I wasn't convinced.

"It's just that, you guys don't always have the best ideas..." I mumbled. Charlie looked fakely offended.

"How?!" She questioned while I just looked down sheepishly.

"Well, like... The train incident... that time you almost got us stuck on a flight to India, or when you and Dorothy got me to join your prank fight and we got covered in quick drying paint. Or when we went to the movies and that guy-"

"Okay, okay! You've made your point!" She informed quickly, a flustered blush forming on her face. I couldn't help my grin just a little bit.

After walking for what felt like forever, we were at what I thought was the edge if town. We lived in Michigan, smack dab in the center of the glove, in a town that, if you walked far enough, it turned into all wilderness. I think that's where we were now because on our very long walk we passed a bunch of trees and ponds. Now we were at the end of the dirt road, the very end before it faded into trees.

I would say I was scared, I would say being in the woods made me uncomfortable, I would say we should head back, but, I love nature. Nature is calming and beautiful, how could I say to turn back when we are in the best part of our town?

Charlie turned to me and grinned, Dorothy walked ahead of her. While Dorothy cleared the path, Charlie grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the opening Dorothy made by moving tree branches.

"Close your eyes." Charlie told me, and started guiding me through the forest.

"Please don't run me into anything." I pleaded, not fully trusting my red-headed friend. I could practically feel her eye roll.

"I won't," she grumbled, even thought she probably had been planning too before I stopped her.

"We're here!" Dorothy said, excitement filling her voice. Charlie smiled brightly and let go of my hand.

"Open!" She commanded cheerfully. I let my eyes flutter open and widen at the sight in front of me.

It was an absolutely beautiful lake.  It seemed almost deserted. No one was here and it appeared to be a place where no one ever went. The sun was shining bright and created a sparkling reflection in the crystal water. Trees surrounded the entire lake, lillypads and cat tails laid where the water meets the grass. Flowers, exotic ones that were bright orange and neon pink were also by the trees. I was shocked.

I took a step forward and grinned wide. I turned my head back to my two friends who stood behind me.

"How did you-" I started to ask how they found it, but Dorothy was already answering.

"Find it? Easy. We were going for a walk in the woods when, poof! Here it was! No one was here, and we knew we had to show you." She told me, smirking proudly as her and Charlie came closer to stand next to me.

"Well... I love it..." I stutter, speechless. I heard Charlie laugh next to me but I couldn't drag my eyes away from the beautiful sight to look at her.

I wasn't sure how long we had been there. It was a while that's for sure. We sat on the edge of the grass, our feet hanging in the water. We were just chatting about school and such when we heard something. It was yelling and laughing in the distance. The noises we're coming closer and I tensed. I recognized the noises all to well.

It sounded like Crowley and his friends. Fergus Crowley MacLeoud was his full name, but he had everyone call him Crowley. He was basically the head jock at school, despite him not being particularly that athletic. He somehow still made the football team and managed to be the most popular boy in school. He hung out with Azazel, Alistair, Lilith, Abbadon, and a few other of the popular kids. He didn't even like Abbadon, hated her to be exact, but still hung out with her because she was popular and head cheerleader. Lilith was another cheerleader, and incredibly beautiful at that, but very rude, she also had a little sister four years younger in Gabriel's grade. Her name was Ruby. Azazel and Alistair were just super creepy and rude. I hated them both, they always wanted to pick on someone. That someone usually being me.

They all seemed to follow Crowley blindly, except Abbadon, but she cooperated. I could hear their annoying screams and laughs getting closer, so I decided to stand. Charlie saw and stood too. Dorothy looked up at us both.

"Guys, it's okay, nothing's is gonna-" I knew Dorothy was gonna say nothing was gonna happen, and that we'd be fine, but she couldn't. That was because guess who came through the trees.

Crowley and his friends. I'm not typically one for swearing, but I really wanted then to f-off. Dorothy saw them and finally stood as well, glaring a bit as she watched the tree branches move, revealing them all.

"Well, well, well..." Crowley announced in a British accent. Today he was wearing black jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. Lilith wore a white sun dress and Abbadon wore a t-shirt saying, "the devil made me do it," and jeans. Everyone else wore very similar clothes to Crowley.

"Why are you here?" Dorothy asked bravely. Crowley grimaced.

"This is our spot so I'll have to ask you the same question." He growled, clearly very annoyed. Charlie jumped next to me.

"Anyone can come here, it's not just your spot." Dorothy spat, taking a step closer. No no Dorothy stop. Why do you have to be so brave?

"I suggest you leave before someone gets hurt." Abbadon threatened, pointing a pale, flawless, slender finger at Dorothy. Her nail was long and painted a bright shade of red that matched her lips perfectly.

But obviously, Dorothy wasn't going to back down. "Excuse you, but who the hell do you think you are. You don't own us." She snarled in return. Abbadon looked offended at her words, almost recoiling. A scowl formed on her sharp features. Then before I knew it, Crowley, Azazel, and Alistair were walking over.

I gulped, wishing that Dorothy just kept her mouth shut. Crowley stood right by us with his minions behind him.

"Leave." His one word filled the whole forest with venom and left a sting right in my throat because suddenly I couldn't speak. And even though Crowley was shorter then me, chubbier then me, and probably less strong, the way he carried himself made him so much more intimidating then I ever could be.

"We aren't leaving." Dorothy stated harshly. Crowleys stern facial features quickly changed and he back away from me and grinned.

"Very well. Have it your way," Crowley turned to Azazel and Alistair, "boys, shall we?" I saw a smirk cross all their faces, and before I knew it, Crowley and the others were shoving me and my friends into the water.

If someone reads this and likes it, please let me know and I'll post more chapters

[lr-supernaturaladdict]

Brother PT.2

Sister

Summary: You are the first Archangel god created. One of the most powerful beings in existence but you left heaven to pursue a human life, but when you finally decide you want your family back, it’s to late for some of them. Will the Winchesters allow you to release Lucifer and Michael from the Cage?

Word Count: 5271

Warnings: None, maybe some cussing

PT. 1

-Flashback-

You couldn’t help but smile as you watched over heaven. Everything had been running smoothly since your father decided not to meddle further in your existence. No one else knew some of the things he did when he created heaven and earth. You were his first, his most precious of creations, but he knew you weren’t as happy as you could have been. So he chose to create Michael, originally the idea had been that he would be your “mate”. You however never saw him as such, you saw him as a brother, not that you knew the term of endearment yet. Displeased by your rejection of his gift, he created Lucifer. You tried to accept your fathers gifts, but being able to make your own choices and do as you pleased made it impossible to care for either angels as more than brothers. His final attempt at creating a mate ended with Raphael, but when you finally snapped at him he quickly apologized and stopped, allowing you to care for your new found family as it was. You were their sister and that was that. Your father saw how happy you were even as you all were and made a choice to ask you what you wanted rather than attempt at choosing for you. When you said that what you had made you happy and you liked this odd little family you had, he chose to create Gabriel. He was different, a goofy bundle of joy that graced you with his bubbly presence constantly. You chose to believe he followed you around because he loved you, but you had assumptions that he was created to do so anyways. His grace was similar to yours, on a much smaller scale and his wings were golden in color, much like your own. He was simply beautiful, and even if they were created for you, not that anyone ever knew,  you wanted them each to have their own choices.

Soon after the creation of the other Archangels, your father created the others. You lead your brothers and sisters to the best of your ability, having free will was something you cherished though. Out of all the angels, only you were made without an agenda. Your father created them with purpose, whether to be soldiers or slaves, you didn’t know yet.

Michael became your second in command when your father appointed you the leader of them all. Him being second oldest only made sense after all. He was the perfect little soldier, he knew it and so did everyone else. He made sure your orders and most importantly your father’s orders were carried out correctly. He hated when things went wrong and would easily let his anger over take him. His idea of free will was how he would decide on carrying out and order, as long as it was carried out in the most effective way possible. He had an attitude in which if you asked him to jump, he would reply “how high?” You loved him dearly but you knew that his dedication and need for fathers approval would be his downfall.

Lucifer was your best friend, if you were to put a title on who he was to you. You of course still considered him your brother, he was just the closest to you then the others were. The others were jealous of the was you two were. You could actually speak to one another without disagreeing on much of anything, at least until your father created humans. He was the only one of your brothers and sisters who knew at least a shred of free will. It physically hurt you when your father and your brothers would persecute him without proper cause. One mistake and he was the outcast of the family, no matter how much you tried to get them to see truth, they never did. He was misunderstood and you always did your best to make sure he felt he was loved. Even with all of the hate he had endured from our own family.

Raphael was another one of your fathers perfect little soldiers, although you never quite took him seriously. Of all your brothers he was the one you never quite got along with. He liked to undermine your authority, which you wouldn’t mind too much because he would be using his own choice to do so, but he would choose to make horrible decisions. They would normally end up in angels getting hurt in horrible ways. You tried your hardest to accept him into your heart, but with the horrible choices he had always seemed to make, he wasn’t your favorite brother by far.

Gabriel was your baby brother for sure. He was a very power archangel but you only ever saw him as your kid brother. You loved him very dearly and were often called his mother rather than his sister. If someone said you coddled him, you wouldn’t necessarily deny it either. No matter how old he had gotten, you would still often baby him. He was the only angel you would often times show affection to, which most of your siblings saw that as weakness. You just couldn’t help it, out of you many siblings he was the one that resembled you the most and seeing him would always make your heart swell with joy.

“Sister,” you were brought out of your thoughts by the stern voice of your brother Michael. “Is everything alright?”

“Certainly,” you turned to face him as he walked over to you. “I just wanted to appreciate the calmness of the day,” you moved your hand in the direction of where you had been looking before. You both stood on a balcony of a building that looked over the garden your father had recently created to hold his newest creation. “Heaven has been so peaceful lately, I almost cannot believe it.”

He nodded curtly at you and walked over to the edge of the balcony, looking out at the garden. “Yes, I fear that it may not last.”

You sighed but nodded, turning back towards the railing. “It never does,” you said softly as you leaned on the rails. “May I ask you something brother?”

“Of course,” he looked at you with an eyebrow raised.

“Do you ever wish that we could live like them?” you nodded your head in the direction of the garden.

He laughed slightly and shook his head. “Of course not, they’re practically hairless apes (Y/N).”

You smirked slightly. “You sound like Luci,” no matter how much they would always deny it, Michael and Lucifer thought similarly. They fought like cat and mouse, but deep down you knew they loved each other dearly.

“Yes, however I don’t refuse to love them. They are quite disgusting, but I do not wish them harm,” he scowled at the mention of the younger archangel. “But why do you ask me this?”

You shrugged. “I just get tired of playing peace maker between our own brothers and sisters. Everyone has different ideals on how to run things, but they can’t seem to use peaceful ways to resolve this. Including Raphael,” you pursed your lips in thought. “Sometimes I would like to just run away, but alas, I cannot. There is too much for me to see over here,” you stood straight and placed your hand on his shoulder. “I must oversee training this afternoon, I will see you later brother.”

He looked slightly saddened by your sudden exit plan but his face quickly transformed back into a blank mask. “Of course sister, take care.”

You smiled at him and nodded before leaving him abruptly. Within the blink of an eye you were in a  large white room filled with angels, soldiers. They were stood in military fashion, backs straight and in lines. Younger angels were in front while the most seasoned were stood in the back. “Good afternoon young ones,” you said loudly, walking in front of them with your hands behind your back. “Many of you here will be among the rankings of our warriors, others may be lucky enough to be placed in higher rankings. Others may not be so lucky. God created us each with purpose, and in being here you will learn yours,” you stopped in front of one of the older angels, looking him directly in the eyes. “Some of you may even become God’s most trusted,” he continued to hold your gaze, which was bold considering who you were. Smirking to yourself, you stepped closer to him. Being in your vessel made you smaller then him, his standing well over 6’ foot. “What is your name angel?” you said coldly, not letting any of your emotions seep through. You were seen as the fearless leader, even if the other archangels knew different. You were to be emotionless and cold amongst the younger leveled angels.

His posture remained straight as his deep voice answered your question. “Gadreel.”

-Present-

Walking down the hall of the bunker, you sighed. You had been staying in the bunker with your brother, Lucifer, for about a month now and seemed to be getting nowhere with him. You were currently on your way to stop yet another argument that had begun to get heated between your brother and the older Winchester brother.

“STAY OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD!” you heard Dean yell. Great, now what did you brother do. You knew you could have just flew into the room, but decided against it because it probably was just another pointless fight.

Walking into the library you saw Dean with his back towards you and Lucifer just shrug nonchalantly. You could only see his back but the older Winchester looked as though he was going to burst with anger. His shoulders were heaving and he nearly looked like he was shaking. You cleared your throat, causing both men to look at you. Your brother smiled at you sweetly and Dean’s face seemed to go red, at least redder than it had been in anger. He reminded you almost of a cherry tomato. “Hello boys,” you said as you leaned against the frame of the entrance. “Sam told me you two were getting into it again, care to tell me why?”

Dean looked at Lucifer quickly and scowled, while Lucifer just smirked. “Well,” your brother drawled out.

Dean glared daggers at him before turning back to you. “He keeps using his powers to invade my head,” he huffed loudly.

You looked at your brother and rolled your eyes. “What have I told you about minding your own business Luci,” you cocked your eyebrow waiting for him to answer.

Lucifers smirked immediately fell from his face when you said his nickname in front of someone other than family. “Not to do it,” he scoffed.

“Exactly,” you pinched the bridge of your nose. “So, why did you do it?”

His smirked instantly reappeared and he walked over to you. “Oh well, I overheard him having a conversation with our baby brother. I just wanted to make sure the information was true. I’m just looking out for everyone,” he shrugged.

You looked over at Dean and saw him visibly freeze. You were never one who liked to enter someone’s mind without permission because you always hated it when people would invade your own privacy. “Care to share with the class?” you moved your gaze back to your brother.

Lucifer opened to answer but was interrupted by Dean. “Nope, it’s nothing,” he smiled grimly and walked over to the fallen angel. “We’re okay, right buddy. Just a little misunderstanding,” he gave Lucifer a stern look.

“Lucifer?” you watched as Lucifer took a moment to think about how he would answer.

“What he said,” Lucifer knew better then to anger you, if Dean gave you more of a reason to punish him, it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Alright then,” you pursed your lips and looked at them both questioning. “No more mind reading then, or else I’ll block the rest of your grace,” you gave Lucifer a stern look and turned to walk away. You heard Dean sigh loudly but chose to ignore it. “I will return later, behave,” he said to them both.

“Where are you going?” Dean asked, walking after you when you walked away.

“I have business to take care of in heaven,” you continued to walk, not looking at him.

“Ah,” he nodded and tried to keep up with you. You walked fast even for someone with long legs. “Anything particular?”

You sighed and stopped walking, turning abruptly towards the green eyed hunter. “Look, Dean. I appreciate the curiousity, but I’m afraid that it is my business,” you watched as he looked down at his feet when he stopped next to you. “If it makes you feel better, it’s nothing dangerous. Just what you may call a check in, there is somethings I need to clear up. It’s been a long time since I’ve returned to my home,” you placed your hand on his arm and smiled at him. “I should only be a few days, at most. I can send Castiel to check on our brother later to assure he hasn’t been to much of a thorn in your side.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat, trying not to look you in the eye. He was relieved Lucifer didn’t tell you about what he saw in his mind, if you found out he was sure you’d laugh at him. Over the month you and your brother had stayed with them, he had developed a crush on you. He wasn’t sure when exactly it had developed but it made it hard for him to function around you without getting flustered. “Well-uh, just stay safe,” he looked at you and smiled.

“I’m probably the most dangerous thing out there, other then my father and aunt, but dangerous nonetheless. But thank you,” you placed your hand on his cheek and stood on your toes, kissing his cheek. You watched as his face turned bright red, spreading even to his ears.

Before he even had the chance to react you vanished, flying to heaven. You landed in one of your favorite places to go in heaven. It was the personalized heaven of a little girl named Lila. She had died at the age of 9, unfortunately the victim of domestic violence. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t actually been to heaven since you left, you just came secretly. No one knew of your presence because you kept it hidden, much like your father would do when he wished to be alone.

Lila’s heaven was her memory of going to the park with her father before he passed away. You had learned she was about 8 when it took place. There were flower bushes practically everywhere and a playground in sight that she would play on while her father watched. Often pushing her on the swing. It always hurt you to think about, it was years ago when she passed and you wished you could’ve saved her. Her soul was innocent and pure, she deserved to live a long life, but at least the man who shot her was burning in hell.

You watched as the little girl ran across a nearby field into her father’s arms. ‘At least she had her family with her’ you thought to yourself and quickly left to leave them in peace.

You arrived in main office of heaven, looking around you were greeted by Castiel sat at the desk in the center. “Hello, sister,” you smiled at the seraph you left in charge.

“Hello Castiel,” he smiled back at your used of his full name.

“I did not expect a visit,” he stood from where he sat and moved towards you.

“Yes, well,” you paused and pulled him into a hug. “I figured I would check in and see if things were running smoothly.”

He embraced you back lightly, obviously still not used to the physical contact. “Things are going very well,” he pulled away from you. “How are things with the Winchesters and our brother?”

You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. “I honestly can’t tell anymore, things were much easier when the only things we had to worry about were other angels,” you said remembering back to your time staying in heaven.

“Well,” Castiel shrugged, smirking at you. “One angel in particular.”

-Flashback-

“Gadreel, I must say that I am very pleased with your improvements,” you eyed the other angel up, while walking towards him. “Father must really believe so as well,” you smiled at him fondly, thinking about how much he had improved since you had been introduced to the younger angel. He quickly became not only your most trusted friend, but also your father’s most trusted angel, besides you of course. The difference between him and all the other angels in heaven was that he believed in what was truly right, not just because you or anyone else said so. He was also smart and very strong, he had become one of your strongest soldiers, but a part of you knew that he meant more to you than all of that. You stopped acting like a hardass with him after a short time of training individually, orders directly from your father. You found yourself growing closer to the angel, even to the point of feeling an emotion you couldn’t quite describe. You felt human with him.

“Thank you, (Y/N),” he smiled at you as he noticed you walking towards him. “Do you really think so highly of me though?” he cocked an eyebrow at you.

“Of course I do,” you said as you now stood directly in front of him. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” you smirked at him.

“You know,” he paused, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “If father knew what we do during our private trainings, he wouldn’t think so kindly of me. We’re practically breaking one of heaven’s rules.”

Stepping close enough for your chest to press against his, you looked him in the eye. “I’m the one who made most of those rules you know. I’ve told you many things over the years,” you paused, running your hand up his arm. “The archangels were practically made for me, but I didn’t want them,” you shrugged. “You are the only one who I would ever wish to know more, intimately. Much like Adam and Eve,” you felt your cheeks heat up at the admittance of your feelings.

Cupping your cheek he leaned forward slightly. “I believe I feel the same way,” he turned his head and looked around briefly. You both stood at the gate of the garden, were he had been trusted to guard by your father. Most angels knew not to bother coming to the garden because only very select angels were allowed inside, you and Gadreel included.

“Must we be so cautious every time?” you laughed slightly. Reaching up you placed your hand on his cheek, making him look at you. “No one will see us, no one dares come down here after the last angel to disobey was locked away in our prison.”  

“No one but the other archangels and father,” he scowled slightly.

“You let me worry about them,” you shrugged and moved your hand to the back of his neck. “Lucifer and Gabriel will just encourage this, Raphael just won’t care. Michael is the only one we really have to worry about having backlash from. Father, well he did want me to find a mate once upon a time, and if you would have me,” you paused looking down. “I’d like it to be you.”

There was a moment of silence that made you worry for what seemed like the first time in your thousands of years of life. “I would love nothing more,” he whispered barely loud enough for you to hear him. Biting your bottom lip, you looked up at him. He ran his thumb across your lip and nodded his head, his smile reaching his eyes. You watched as he continued to lean closer, until his lips were only a breath away from yours. “Am I doing this correctly?”

Nodding you leaned forward and connected your lips together in a sweet passionate kiss. In all your years of life you had never experienced something so innocent and yet so powerful. You didn’t know when you had closed your eyes, only realizing it when you felt his arms snake around your waist. They felt strong and warm against you, something you never would have expected. You were stronger then him and more powerful then him, and yet you felt the safest you had ever been in his arms. You decided then and there, no matter what happened, he was home to you. Whether it was in heaven or anywhere else in existence, he was home and together you could be human.

-Present-

“You know, I don’t really appreciate you bringing that up,” you said to the younger man sternly. “It’s a whole can of worms I don’t want to open and think about.”

“What?” Castiel asked with an eyebrow raised and his head tilted to the side.

“Just,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Nevermind,” you cleared your throat. “Do you have the reports I asked you to get on the prison?”

“Right, yes,” his face quickly changed back into one of a seriousness. “I got them first thing when I arrived, but with trying to run heaven for the time being I didn’t have time to get them to you.”

“I perfectly understand,” you said as you watched as he walked behind the desk and pulled a stack of papers from the desk. “I used to be the person to do, well everything.”

“And a wonderful job you did,” he sighed and reached over the desk to hand you the papers. “Can I asked why you asked for those?”

Taking the papers you began to flip through them. “I’d prefer you not to, but if you must know I want to take note of all of the angels still locked away.”

“You mean him, don’t you?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

“You know what,” you groaned and slammed the papers on the table. “If I didn’t like you, I would have smote you already.”

“Sure you would,” he pursed his lips and watched you carefully. “You may have acted like a brute when you were commander, but I know you’ve never been that type.”

Squinting your eyes at him you slowly grabbed the stack again. “Someone had to put the fear of God into them, considering he himself was rarely around after creating you lot.”

“So why do you care so much about checking on him?” he paused. “And don’t say you’re not because I know you are.”

Rolling your eyes at the young angel you stuck the papers between your arm and side. “He was important to me.”

“Important how? I mean, I know of your private trainings to prepare him to guard the garden, but other then that I’m stumped,” he looked you in the eye as he said each word carefully.

Glaring at him you sighed, you knew you couldn’t hide everything from him and you were never one to lie. “He and I were mates.”

“You were mates?” he asked monotonously.

“Yes, and before you say anything, we weren’t breaking any rules. We were both angels for one and two, if there were rules against things being together that were created by the same being, he wouldn’t have created Adam and Eve like he did. Humans wouldn’t exist. In a way, all of it is just one big incestual train, which is grosser than me being with him. Why do you think the archangels were created to begin with,” you shrugged.

“They were created as warriors for heaven,” he said as a matter of factly.

“Michael, Lucifer, and Raphael were attempts at creating a mate for me,” you sighed. “He gave up when I told him I didn’t want them like that, they were all just brothers to me. Gabriel was practically like my own son, not that he would have ever admitted that. God created him in the image of me for that purpose. The rest of the angels were created to be soldiers, but not them.”

“I feel like my entire existence has been a lie,” he looked down at his hands, almost like a kicked puppy.

“You were told what you were because none of them wanted to face the idea of rejection. Why do you think Lucifer tricked Gadreel into letting him into the garden?” you sighed and ran a hand through your hair. “Michael was the one who locked him up, along with Raphael. Gabe was the only one that really never cared. I thought that Lucifer wouldn’t have cared either, which is why I never hid it from him,” you paused and rubbed your hand against your cheek. “When I left heaven, I tried to get him to come with me, but he refused saying his duty was to heaven. I was in love with a simple angel and yet his duty was to our father, I was wrong about him.”

-Flashback-

“Why won’t you come to earth with me? We could live like humans and enjoy a simple life rather than be pawns in heaven,” you said with a large smile on your face as you hung onto your lover’s arm. “We could even create our own family, wouldn’t that be spectacular.”

“Ignorant dreams my love,” he said back flatly, looking straight ahead. You had been walking in a field of heaven, filled with rose bushes and tall willow trees. It was your favorite place to meet him when he didn’t need to guard the garden.

You scoffed. “How are they ignorant?”

He turned his head to look at you and stopped walking. “Our place is here in heaven, not on earth. Our duty is to father.”

Pulling away from him, you looked at him in disbelief. “You mean to tell me that you would rather spend an eternity standing in front of a gate then with me?”

“There is no reason why we cannot do both,” he looked at you with his brow furrowed. “Why do you not wish to stay a perform the duties our father asks of us?”

“Our duties?” you scoffed and walked away from him a bit. “Our duties don’t mean anything if our father simply doesn’t care.”

“How could you say that?” he asked, raising his voice.

“Because it’s true. For thousands of years we’ve been doing as we’re told, I wish to do something for myself. I did what he wanted and I hated it, and then I found my mate. I love you Gadreel, please say that you’ll come with me. I can’t be here anymore to watch our brothers fight an endless battle. He wants a war Gad, a war no one will survive. It may take a long time for it to happen but he wants them to practically rip each other to shreds. I can’t watch this and they won’t put a stop to it themselves,” you practically pleaded with him.

He shook his head and looked down. “I’m sorry my love, I must stay. I must protect his creation.”

Nodding to yourself you could feel your chest hurt. “Who am I kidding, you were made to please him. You’ll never choose me, even if your life depended on it,” you looked up at him with teary eyes, trying your hardest not to break down in front of him. “Consider this,” you motioned between the two of you. “Done.”

“(Y/N), my love,” he walked towards you with his arms outstretched. “No, you can stay and we can be together.”

Shoving his hands away. “Are you mad?” you threw your hands up. “We can never truly be together without backlash from practically every angel in heaven, we’ve hidden from everyone for hundreds of years. I’m tired of pretending not to have feelings. I’m tired of pretending I don’t have my own wants and needs. He didn’t make me like you or them, I thought you were different like me,” you sobbed. “This was a mistake, good luck with your duties Gadreel. Tell my brothers I said goodbye, okay?” you felt a tear run down your cheek as you looked at the angel you loved one last time.

Before he could respond and reach you in time, you vanished leaving him and heaven behind for good. You got to live your normal life, just without your home. No one understood the real reason you left and many believed you were dead. You made sure no one could ever find you, only Gadreel knew the truth behind your disappearance and he never told anyone. You only wished that he would have chosen to follow you, maybe he wouldn’t have been locked away for an eternity if he had.

-Present-

“So he chose to stay rather than go?” Castiel asked. You had both moved to sit in two desk chairs in the office you were in while you explained what had happened between you and the other angel.

“Pretty much, I was hurt and upset, so I just kinda left without explanation,” you shrugged. “Lucifer had apparently been watching us and heard what happened, he then thought it was a good idea to trick Gadreel. It was just a huge cluster fuck.”

“And yet you’re willing to forgive him?” he tilted his head to the side, looking at you skeptically.

“Yes Cas, I am willing to forgive and forget. All of us, and I do mean all of us have made some pretty stupid mistakes and I’m prepared to be a bigger person,” you said pursing your lips.

Castiel stood suddenly and reached out his hand. “Alright, then let’s go see Gadreel.”

“What?” your eyes shot open wide as you looked up at him, standing quickly.

“You said you’re willing to forgive and forget, why not forgive Gadreel too?” he made a grabbing motion with his hand for you to take his.

“I’m willing to forgive him, it’s just not as simple,” you said chewing on your lip.

“It can be, especially if you’re going to forgive someone like Lucifer,” he shrugged and took your hand. “You could at least go and see him.”

Sighing you gripped his hand. “Fine.”

You were instantly transported into the hallway of the prison where all of heaven’s prisoners were held. “Come on,” he said as he let go of your hand, walking straight ahead.

Quickly following behind him. “Are you sure about this?” you asked scratching your neck.

“Yes, I believe so,” he said sternly and continued to walk with you hot on his heels.

You soon found your way to a cell that had been inhabited. The person inside sat with their back facing you, you knew instantly it was your once beloved mate. Thinking back to the day you left heaven and him upset you, but you knew it was best for the situation. You weren’t in love with him any longer but you still cared deeply for the poor captive angel. Taking a deep breath you prepared yourself to speak with him.

“Hello, Gadreel,” you said flatly, much like you would have when you first had met him. You were his commander once more. He immediately turned to face Castiel and yourself, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Hello, sister.”

Masterlist

[lupin-shambles]

LIFE IN THE BUNKER {Crack fic}

Life in the bunker is hard… HA! Who are you kidding?

In the middle of Kansas holds the strangest of the strange. You hereby stand and declare your family as Dean, Sam, Gabriel, Lucifer, Crowley, Castiel, Michael and Balthazar. (Any other character can be requested).

What do you guys get up to? Well, well, well… The adventures of the worst mix of people are waiting for you inside.

So why not waste your time reading an absolute piss-take fanfic of Supernatural, it’s not like you have a life, right?

REQUESTS OPEN

TRIGGERS: BANTER AND SOME SWEARING

You slowly peel your eyes open with your guard four walls high. Your ceiling isn’t covered in lamb’s blood so that’s good. What? Your ceiling covered in some supernatural crap would be the most relatively normal thing to happen to you today.

Ever so slowly you slip out of your bed checking for any mouse traps or tight wires, when you are clear you open your door with distance incase the stupid Archangel decided to put a bucket of raw eggs above it… Again.

Poking your head out your door, you look down the hallway to check for anyone, once you are certain it was clear you grabbed your airsoft gun and mini water gun filled with Holy water. You tiptoed into the kitchen, the bunker was eerily quiet for ten o'clock.

You made it to the kitchen safely and made a quick cup of tea, after you boiled it, you filled it up with more water and put a bundle of vinegar in it and blessed it (incase Crowley wanted tea).

Okay, to update you lovely readers on what’s happening, good old Satan declared a prank war on Gabriel. You could have killed him when he told you.

(Wait- I addressed the readers in a reader insert fic?! RIP Fourth wall)

*War 101 flashback*

“Y/N?” Came the nervous voice of Satan.

You groaned, it was one o'clock in the morning. “Unless you’re taking me to Disneyland, go away.”

“Well… Not exactly.” He nervously laughed.

“What did you do Lucifer?” You groaned.

“Please don’t kill me.” He begged with a tiny voice.

You shot up straight and stared at him with intense eyes, “Did you eat my bacon?”

Lucifer sent you a bitch-face. “No.”

You flopped back down on your bed, “Then what?”

He rubbed his neck and let out a nervous laugh, “I need your help.”

“Why?” You mumbled into your pillow uninterested.

“I may have declared a Prank war…” Lucifer said quickly and tensed up.

“YOU DID WHAT?!” You shouted, you grabbed your pillow and started to hit him continuously. “YOU COULD HAVE STARTED ANYTHING, HELL EVEN ARMAGEDDON BUT NOT A FLIPPING PRANK-WAR!” You took a breath before continuing, “FUCK YOU SATAN AND YOUR STUPID HORNS!”

You don’t normally swear, but when you do, it’s normally at the Angels. Let’s just say you needed a new pillow after that.

Although you were angry at him for starting the Prank-war, you teamed up with him, because you and Lucifer made a fine-assed team. It started with just Sam and Gabriel take on you and Lucifer, then Dean jumped in on your team with Cas tagging along. So naturally, Gabriel and Sam got back up, Balthazar and Crowley.

There are boundaries of course, the golden one is MICHAEL. Michael made it very clear on day one, to all of you that he didn’t want the be part of it, and if he gets pranked ‘there will be consequences’. The other two are, you are not allowed meddle with people’s personal appearances, (what’s there to say? Sam likes his hair and Lucifer’s very narcissistic) and no nudity. You threw the nudity one in considering that you are the only female in the bunker.

You all also had a personal boundary each, only one.

“My Craig.” Crowley said.

“My Sweets.” Gabriel said without hesitation.

“My books.” Sam said.

“My baby, anybody touch her I will stab them.” Dean said sternly.

“My wine.” Balthazar said.

“No cages.” Lucifer said, that’s not quite allowed but nobody said anything since you all knew Lucifer was traumatised by cages.

“Um…” Cas hesitated. “Dean.”

You all burst out laughing, “Oh hun, Dean is a person, pick something else.” You said.

“My trenchcoat.” He said.

Everyone turned around and looked at you, “Bacon.”

They all laughed and looked at you as if you were kidding. “I’m serious, touch my bacon, I’ll eat you like bacon.”

“She’s serious.” Lucifer confirmed.

You sat down after placing a whoopee cushion on the seat opposite you.

Gabriel came in with a packet of sweets, before he sat down you pulled out your phone and slyly recorded the archangel sit on the whoopee cushion. He sent you a bitch-face as you giggled like an idiot. Lucifer flew and sat beside you just as the farting noise ceased.

Gabriel pulled it out from underneath him, “Wow Y/N. Is that all you got?”

“Oh I’ve got a lot more hot stuff.” You teased. “Beside, you suck.”

“And you swallow.” Gabriel responded with a smirk

“What can I say? Spitters are quitters.” You fired back.

“Would you like some ice with that burn brother?” Lucifer piped in.

“Enjoy your peace whilst it lasts you two.” Gabriel threatened.

“Oh we will.” You smiled.

“You better fear, afterall you can’t pull a trick out of the trickster.” Gabriel remarked.

“Remember who taught you your tricks Gabriel.” Lucifer warned.

Gabriel stood up, “Oh the student suppressed the master a long time ago Luci.”

With that he left, you took a sip of your tea and spat it straight it out, the tea tasted like rotten eggs. “Gross.”

Lucifer pulled out two megaphones and gave you one with a grin on his face. “For old times sake.” He said with a smirk.

You both snuck into Sam’s room, he was still sleeping since Dean set his alarm to 11am. Although Lucifer had a different type of alarm in mind.

He nodded to you and you both counted down to three before simultaneously screaming into the megaphone.

“GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!”

If anything looked like a startled Moose, it was Sam waking up to hearing those three words. You both burst out laughing but then you stopped once you looked at Sam’s angry face.

You scrambled out into the hall as fast as your legs could take you with Lucifer running behind you. Then you bumped into both Crowley and Gabriel, Gabriel knew that you guys were messing with Sam so froze you both.

“You’re both going to be punished for that.” Gabriel said with a mischievous tone.

“Kinky.” Both you and Lucifer said at the same time causing Crowley to draw a strange face.

You were both dead meat.

You swung from the ceiling next to Lucifer with raw egg, baking soda, and butter dripping down you. You looked at Lucifer who mirrored what you look like.

“What else do you put in cake Sam-squash?” Gabriel teased.

“Flour!” Sam laughed.

They decided to punish you both by stringing you up and throwing the ingredients of cake at you. You sent Lucifer a bitch-face and telepathically communicated with him This is your fault.

Michael walked past with a cup of coffee, “Good morning.” Michael said as if seeing his brother and the female Winchester hanging from both legs descended from the ceiling was the most normal thing to wake up to.

“Michael help us!” You begged.

“No Y/N, you got yourself into this.” He said walking away.

“Dick.” Lucifer remarked.

“I must say Darling, this angle really brings out that fine ass of yours.” Balthazar added with a smirk.

“Oh and this fine ass is going to kick your feathery butt when I get down!” You retorted.

“Of course,” Balthazar said nodding, “And how are you going to get down?”

You sighed, you didn’t have a plan, and neither did Lucifer.

“You are all so dead after this.” Lucifer mumbled childishly.

“Topeka!” You heard your oldest brother, Dean shout.

'Topeka’ was your team’s code warning for airsoft guns. You let your team borrow your airsoft guns, and if you have never been hit by an airsoft bullet, it is the equivalent of a bee sting.

You and Lucifer immediately covered your faces as you heard the sounds of Dean and Castiel fire the air-soft at the opposition causing them to squeal and run away, yelping every time a bullet hit them. Once they were gone you all burst out laughing at the sight of one of the world’s greatest hunters, a thieving angel, the King of hell and an archangel running away from two little guns.

🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕

Once you two were cut down all of your team ate pizza in your room whilst you all discussed a new prank.

“Why don’t we knock them all out and do something to their bedrooms?” Dean suggested.

“How do you purpose we knock out two angels and the King of Rotten?” You asked.

“Well Y/N, it’s called alcohol.” Dean smirked.

“I could see that working on everyone except Gabriel.” Castiel said.

“Rose water.” Lucifer suggested.

“That could work.” Castiel said.

“Okay but after we knock them all out, then what?” Lucifer said.

A smile creeped up on your lips as an idea sprung to mind.

“Okay Y/N, spill the beans, what’s your idea?” Lucifer said.

“My friends, have you ever heard of the cup floor prank?” You smirked.

You explained the prank to them; fill thousands of plastic cups with water and put them next to each other on the floor around the 'victims’ bed.

“That’s brilliant but couldn’t the Angels and Crowley just zap over it?” Dean asked.

“Damn it! I never thought of that!” You said, your genius idea was crushed.

Or was it? You looked over to Lucifer who was sharing a smirk with Castiel.

“What? What is it?” You asked.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking brother?” Castiel said with a tone of amusement.

“I believe I am.” Lucifer responded with a grin.

⚜Time-skip brought to you by poor baby Michael⚜

The plan was simple, get everyone on the opposing team drunk.

You were pretty good at acting, so you pretended you were feeling a little sad so nobody would prank you. Then Castiel suggested to call the pranking off for the rest of the night which Michael gladly agreed to.

“Let’s crack open the beer then!” Dean said.

“I’ll have wine.” Balthazar said zapping a bottle.

“Would you like a glass?” Dean smirked.

“Oh I would love one Dean-o, only you and Cas decided to make a hole in them all.” Balthazar said popping the wine bottle open.

“So are all of you just going to drink considerable quantities of alcohol?” Michael asked staring at us all whilst reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s stone. Charlie popped in a while ago and persuaded Michael to read them all.

“Yes, and I brought rose water for us lovely archangels.” Lucifer said giving Michael and Gabriel a bottle each and keeping one for himself.

Only Lucifer’s was just filled with water not rose water.

“AW man! Good call Lucifer!” Gabriel exclaimed.

Michael looked over to you, “Are you feeling alright Y/N? You are very quiet.”

“I’m fine thanks.” You said, you lifted up the beer bottle to cover your smirk.

“Well if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here.” He smiled.

“Thanks Mike.” You smiled, he was the Grandpa of your wonderfully messed up family.

Gabriel took a sip of the Rose water, “Oh sweet spirits, I haven’t tasted rose water in centuries.” Gabriel sighed happily.

Michael took a sip and he too, smiled contently, “I think the last time I had this was before you fell Lucifer.”

You looked at them with drawn eyebrows, what the heck is so special about that drink?

“I believe the last time I had it was after a battle. We were having a party to celebrate our victory but I don’t remember much.” Castiel said.

“What’s so special about it anyway?” You asked.

“My darling it is the drink of God’s.” Balthazar said. “However tonight I shall drink wine, Rose water is only for celebrations.”

“Really classy Balthazar.” Dean remarked.

“I’ll stick to Scotch.” Crowley said with a bored tone.

“Beer does enough damage.” Sam smirked.

“Well when your liver cries out for beer, got to feed it some!” Dean said taking a swig.

“Your liver cannot cry, Dean.” Castiel piped in.

“Brother, it’s a metaphor.” Gabriel said.

“Can I try?” You said motioning Gabriel’s bottle.

“Sure.” Gabriel said chuckling.

You took a sip out of the bottle, and gave the bottle back to Gabriel. You then gave the angels a doubting glance, “Yeah, that tastes amazing!” You said sarcastically.

Lucifer chuckled, “Humans.”

“Your tastebuds are too weak to perceive the true taste of the Rose water.” Castiel informed.

“We drink and eat things that your tastebuds were not built to comprehend.” Michael said.

“I’m insulted.” You chuckled and took a swig of your beer.

⚜Time-skip brought to you by drunk Gabriel⚜

The plan had worked very effectively, unfortunately you may have had a couple of drinks. You weren’t drunk but you were a little tipsy.

“Hey Luci?” You said dragging out his name.

“Yes Y/N?” He answered.

“Can we go to Disneyland?” You asked.

“No.” Lucifer rolling his eyes.

“But we can get the little cute hats, I’ll be Minnie and you can be Mickey!” You said like an excited child.

“That would suggest we are in a relationship.” He said.

“Get a room you two!” Drunk Gabriel slurred.

“Gabriel could come!” You suggested.

“Hey I’m not saying no to a threesome!” He hiccuped.

Balthazar and Lucifer cringed. “That would be incest.” Balthazar said.

“Tell that to Michael and Lucifer.” He slurred.

“Ew have you two had sex?” Balthazar said.

“No.” Lucifer said with a repugnant tone.

“Michael and Lucifer up a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Balthazar sung like child.

Before he could continue Lucifer punched him clean out.

“No, bad Lucifer!” Sam scowled like he was a dog.

“Gosh, how far are you gone?” Lucifer laughed looking at the drunk Moose.

“You know, I used to think Dean and I had daddy issues.” Sam started to laugh. “You started an apocalypse because you got thrown out!” He started laughing again.

Before Lucifer could even punch Sam, he collapsed and hit the floor.

“Two down, two to go.” Lucifer mumbled.

“I KNOOOOOW YOU, I WALKED WITH YOU ONCE UPPOOOOON A DREAAAAM!” Gabriel started to belt. “I KNOW YOOOOU, THAT LOOK IN YOUR EEEEEYEEES ARE SO FAMILIAR A GLEAM!" 

Castiel cringed as Gabriel hit the high notes with a squeal.

You look over to Crowley who is contemplating his life decisions whilst swirling the Craig around in the glass.

"Crowley are you okay?” You asked.

“Demons… They have no initiative.” He said as he took another swing of his Craig.

“-YOU’LL LOVE ME AT ONCE, THE WAY YOU DID ONCE!” Gabriel sang swaying back and forth with the Rose Water in his hands.

He then tripped up over Sam and fell right over him.

“Hey Sam-squash, you’re so firm have I ever told you that?” Gabriel muttered.

You and Dean looked at each other and burst out laughing, then Gabriel passed out on top of Sam.

The rest of your team then looked at Crowley who was still stirring in his own misery.

“Crowley you should rest.” Castiel said.

Crowley looked up from the orange liquid and glanced at us all and then scowled. “Ballocks. This is another prank isn’t it?”

Castiel walked over and placed his fingers on Crowley’s forehead putting him into a deep slumber.

“Okay Dean go to bed, you’re too drunk.” You said.

“Not saying no to my beauty sleep.” Dean said and stumbled his way back to his bedroom.

“Have you guys put the sigils up?” You asked the Angels.

“Yes.” Castiel said.

They had put sigils up that stop Angels and Demons using their powers in the same room as the sigil.

“Well somebody’s going to have to put the old slacker to bed.” Lucifer said looking at Michael who had long passed out.

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road!” You grinned. “Then you and I can go to Disneyland together.” 

“For the last time - NO!” Lucifer exclaimed. 

⚜Another time-skip brought to you by a gay angel and Satan⚜

“A whole new world!” You sang as you placed another two cups down around Sam’s door.

To make the prank easier you dumped Balthazar, Crowley, Sam and Gabriel in the same room.

“Y/N, you are killing me with your Disney songs.” Lucifer complained.

“I just want to go to Disneyland…” You mumbled.

“Oh really? I didn’t know! It’s not like you’ve asked me about 100 times.” Lucifer said sarcastically placing down another four cups.

“I believe she has only asked you 23 times.” Castiel pipped in.

He placed down another seven cups filled with water, he defiantly had the steadiest hands.

“We are doing well guys!” You praised as you looked at your teams effort.

“I would say so too, only about 66 cups to go.” Lucifer chuckled admiring all the cups.

“You really like that number don’t you?” You asked rolling your eyes.

“Of course, it’s my record of orgasms I managed to pull from a woman in one go.” He said.

“Lucifer, the woman would pass out before reaching eleven.” Castiel remarked.

“Ignore him Cas, he’s just being an idiot.” You dismissed.

“Says the one singing Disney songs…” Lucifer responded.

“Hey Luci?” You asked.

“Hmm-hmmm?” He hummed.

“Can we go to Disney Land?” You pleaded.

🔆RISE AND SHINE SAMMY🔆

The morning came swiftly with the noise of chaos.

“THIS ISN’T FUNNY GUYS!” Came the voice of Balthazar.

Your team were in your room as you were all laughing your asses of as the Prank took it’s toll.

“Just zap us over you idiots!” Sam retorted.

“I can’t!” Gabriel responded.

“I’m so done with this shit.” Crowley remarked.

“Why can’t you fly? Has someone clipped your wings?” Sam snapped angrily.

“No cupcake.” Gabriel scowled in response.

“Well, ladies first!” Balthazar chimed and shoved Gabriel and Sam off the bed simultaneously, there was a large crashing noise and a bunch of swearing and cursing.

Lucifer was rolling on the floor cracking up with laughter, whilst Dean was laughing so hard he wasn’t making any noise with Cas observing him with great concern.

You were crying with laughter as you used the door to supported to your shaking form.

“YOU GUYS ARE SO DEAD!” Sam shouted.

“FUCK!” Gabriel cursed. “WHAT THE HELL BALTHAZAR?”

“Thank you Darlings for making a lovely path for -” *THUMP*

Balthazar slipped on a cup and water and fell right back on the floor.

This caused your entire team to laugh even more - which you didn’t think was possible.

✨Don’t try these pranks at home - Kidding, you should totally try them✨

The cup prank was by far the most elaborate but effective prank, your team’s triumph was short lived however, Dean came storming through into the library where you, Sam, Gabriel and Lucifer sat.

He grabbed Gabriel’s collar and scrunched it angrily pulling him up.

“Wow, Dean!” Lucifer said rising to Gabriel’s defence.

They may be on opposing teams for the prank war but Gabriel was still Lucifer’s brother so he was obviously going to defend him when things got violent.

“Why’d you touch my baby?” Dean hissed.

Lucifer yanked Dean off Gabriel and you quickly held Dean back from Lucifer and Gabriel.

“I didn’t touch Castiel.” Gabriel smirked.

“I mean the impala moron!” Dean shouted.

That’s when Lucifer stood beside Dean and you obviously seeing where Dean was coming from.

“Oh, did you like my touch? I think pink is way more your colour.” Gabriel smirked.

“You crossed the boundaries.” Lucifer said.

“Dude, not cool.” You said shaking your head.

“This is war!” Dean sneered.

Unfortunately it all went down hill from there… Dean dunked all of Gabriel’s sweets in the strange mixtures in the lab and Gabriel was sick for two days. Then Crowley locked Lucifer in a cage and once you unlocked Lucifer he grabbed an airsoft gun and emptied every single bullet into Crowley - so Crowley stayed in bed all day covered with bruises. Then Sam decided to eat all your bacon so you ripped out the last chapter of all of his books. You had also been whining to Lucifer about Disney Land… A lot.

And now here you all were… Sheets were draped on the book shelves protecting the books, the tables were flipped providing each team a base in the small Library.

It was chaos, there was a major food fight and everybody was covered head to toe in all kinds of food. As you threw eggs and Gabriel threw tomatoes, all of you were laughing at how ridiculous this was.

Then… Michael zapped in the middle of the Library. Nobody thought twice and launched barrels of food at him. 

It came as a quick thought to you of who you just hit, gulping you dropped your food prepared to run from the oldest archangel. 

Realization seemed to click in everyone else as their face went pale. Then silence fell in the room as Michael’s wings expanded, visibly shaking with anger accompanied by the menacing glow of his blue eyes.

“Fuck.” Dean cursed.

“Hey Y/N?” Lucifer held his hand out to you. “Wanna go to Disney Land?”

You and Lucifer zapped away just in time to miss Michael clicking his finger to string everyone up and taking his sweet revenge.

Hope you enjoyed! Just a little crack fic I wrote because I was bored. I’ve never publicly posted fan fiction so please be gentle. :)

[iamaweechester-blog]

Satan Spawn: Chapter 1: Secrets and Pity For Gabe

Disclaimer: i dont own spn Warning: tickle fic (how is that a warning?) No smut ~

Mother nature hadn’t visited Jamie in a couple weeks, and, since she became Ms. Luci, her and Lucifer had gotten deep lately, so she took the test. Not a test, the test. The test that showed whether her life would be changed forever. /Positive/! Damn. She walked down the stairs to see if Lucifer was home. It was smartest to tell him now, than to wait until she starts showing. Jamie saw Lucifer sitting on the couch with Gabriel and Michael, while Castiel sat near the Winchesters. Jamie cleared her throat. “Hey baby,” Lucifer greeted. “Um, Luci…. I’m…. I’m pregnant,” Jamie whispered. Lucifer stared in shock before zapping out of his chair and twirling her around, smiling. “You’re not mad?” “Why would I be mad?” He asked. Jamie shrugged. “You don’t seem like you’d wanna be a father,” she answered. Lucifer kissed her and Gabriel “eeewwwww"ed. "Get a room!” He cried. Lucifer smiled before flicking his wrist at Gabriel, who collapsed in a heap of giggles. “Luhuhuci nohoho!” “What did you do?” Jamie asked. “I gave him something to do,” Lucifer smirked. “He always enjoyed being tickled as a fledgling.” “I DIHID NOT!” “Shush, Gabriel, or I’ll take it to the next level,” Lucifer ordered, wiggling his fingers at the archangel. Gabriel shrieked. “I might do it anyway.” Jamie kissed his cheek. “Release your brother.” “Aww, baby do I have to? Look at him! Ain’t he adorable?” Lucifer pouted, pointing to the laughing mess on the floor. “Yes, Luci, he’s very adorable. But he still looks like he’s dying.” “Oh, so you’re taking a liking to my brother now, huh?” Gabriel turned scarlet. No one knows if it’s because he heard the conversation or because his laughter was silent. “Please baby?” Jamie begged. Lucifer snapped his fingers and Gabriel was released. “Just because I know you’ve got my kid,” he kissed her nose before zapping them back to the couch. Lucifer poked Gabriel’s side with his toe, because the poor archangel was still on the floor. “Get up now, Gabriel.” “Easy for you to say,” Gabriel’s voice was hoarse. “You’re worse than Michael.” “Oh, apparently I haven’t tortured you enough,” Michael smirked before jumping on the archangel and tickling him. Gabriel did look like he was dying then. “Mike, that’s enough!” Jamie called. Michael looked up at the woman as she stood over him. “Look at poor Gabriel.” “Why are you sticking up for him?” The oldest asked. “Because I have a soul! I feel bad for the dude!” She cried. “I would totally help if Lucifer hadn’t just punished him.” “JAHAHAHAMIE!!!” Gabriel cried. “Sorry man, but the truth is the truth!” Jamie tousled his hair before pushing Michael’s shoulder. “Enough.” “Lucifer why does your wife have such good puppy dog eyes?” Michael asked as he climbed off. Gabriel waved a weak hand in the air as a sign of gratitude. “I hahate you guys,” Gabriel giggled. “No you don’t, little bro,” Lucifer smirked as he pulled Jamie into his lap. Jamie squealed before smiling. “Lucifer!” She cried. “Sorry, tonight’s just been big!” He replied. “Who knew? I’m gonna be a dad!” “You’re gonna be an awesome one at that,” Jamie kissed his hair.