#to be clear I do not mean a love to hate sorta relationship

[arolesbianism]

I think its so important for everyone to learn to like characters because of their negative traits instead of in spite of them. Like there is so much joy and whimsy to be experienced once you get to a place where hating smth abt a character inevitably leads to loving them dearly because of that same trait

[catoslvt]

Ben Hargreeves x Reader

I would've married you if you'd stuck around🐙

sorta s4 spoilers? but nobody takes the Marigold and lived their life.

plus I'm changing things because... yeah.

I walk into the birthday party for little Grace, who is one of Diego and Lila's children with her birthday present in my hand. It's just a silly child's keyboard because what the fuck do you get a six year old?

I make my way through the swarm of running and screaming children, the part of me that never grew up hurting because that's the childhood I always wished to have, yknow, running about, screaming my head off with all my friends but no, at the age of six I was learning how to disarm gunmen and learning how to control my powers.

God my life has gotten so much better without them.

Once I'm out the swarm of children, my eyes instantly fall on Sloane, Luther, and Ben, and I feel a slight shiver go down my spine at the sight of ben, I mean it's weird to think he has the face of the boy I used to love when we were like thirteen, but he's not the boy I love, I think anyway, I mean okay I sorta have feelings for this Ben, but I don't want him to think it's because he has the face of my old Ben, its confusing isn't it?

"y/n hi!" Sloane exclaims, waving me over with her hands, and I put on a wide smile as I make my way over to her, setting my present for Grace on the table beside her before she wraps me into a tight hug, which I return with an awkward laugh.

"I heard you're a firefighter now? that's sick." I say, turning to Luther with a smile and he just nods.

"we brought the Umbrella Academy, we're currently renovating it, I'd love for you to come stay some time." He tells me, and I widen my eyes, pretending to be interested as I make small 'oo' noises.

I hate when our family gather together, I mean Luther is married with a child, Diego is married with kids, I don't know what the fuck is going on with Allison, weve hardly spoken since we got to this time line and its not exactly that i dont want to talk to her, i just dont know what id say, Klaus doesn't need love, Five is technically married to a piece of plastic, Ben's just out of prison, Viktor has basically dated every girl in his town and I'm just.. there, I end up feeling extremely left out at the family gatherings when they start talking about issues with their kids or relationship problems because the only relationship problem was the fact Ben died on me.

"How was prison?" I ask ben, my eyes lighting up slightly as I turn to face him, all my attention now on him.

"I can't exactly say I enjoyed it." He tells me, raising a bottle of beer to his lips and taking a sip, and I just know his parole officer is gonna be pissed so I just let out a quiet laugh.

"So where are you staying then? I can't imagine your parole officer would let you live far." I then go onto ask, and he groans slightly, pointing at Luther and Sloane who are now talking to Diego.

"but I'm seriously debating robbing a bank just to get thrown back in." He then adds, looking around and I can't help but laugh a little louder.

"You're staying with them?" I scoff, turning to look at him with raised eyebrows.

"hardly by choice, I just needed a permanent address." He sighs, and I laugh again.

"Fresh out prison, and you're gonna be turned into a painter, electrician, plumber and babysitter. good luck." I tell him and he lets out a small chuckle before taking another drink from his beer.

"How have you been then?" Ben asks, and I shrug slightly.

"I mean, yeah, I've been.. living." I answer with a laugh, and he nods in agreement.

"Why don't we go get you a drink, we can sit at a table at the very back, and you can let it all out." He offers and I rapidly nod.

I sit at the table with Ben, taking a small sip from my beer before clearing my throat.

"I'm a child psychologist now." I tell him, and he nods slightly.

"I mean, it just felt right, yknow? I want to help kids so they don't end up with a childhood that we had. Well, I mean, without the powers, the robotic mom, the alien dad, you get what I mean." I tell him with a small wave of my hand, and he continues to nod, a small smile on his face.

"I get it." He tells me, and we both fall into a comfortable silence before he breaks it right as I take a mouthful of beer.

"don't you miss your powers?"

that question almost makes me spit my beer everywhere, my eyes widening as I stare at him.

"God, no, I don't miss them in this time line Nobody knows who I am, nobody takes a double take or gawks at me waiting to see my powers in use, I can be whatever I want to be in this timeline and I plan on using that to my hearts content." I tell him, and he just looks at me.

"You don't miss them? not even a little bit?" He asks, and I shake my head, which causes him to shrug slightly.

"I miss my powers, I feel.. ordinary without them." He tells me, and I furrow my eyebrows slightly.

"No offence, but I'm glad you don't have your powers. You died because of them in my original timeline, and it's good to see what my ben would've looked like grown up." I tell him, and he gives me a sad smile before we fall quiet yet again.

"and i think it's good to feel ordinary, I spent my whole childhood wanting to be normal to fit in, and now I do." I then add, and he scoffs.

"There's nothing ordinary about us y/n. Apart from the Umbrella Academy and the Sparrow Academy, nobody in the world has gone through even a fraction of what we have, and you've technically went through more than me because the Umbrellas ended the world in 2019, just to then go and do it again back in the 60s, to come back for it to end in 2019 again.." Ben says, and I just scoff, but I can't help but laugh and nod.

"and both times was technically Viktors fault." I argue, and we both smile before Five appears from under a slide somewhere and nods, a bottle of beer in his hand.

"it was Viktors fault both times. Actually, she's not making that up." He tells ben as he makes his way over to our table, dragging a chair along behind him, and ben just raised his eyebrows slightly, clearly pissed off our conversation had been distributed by Five, who still looks like a kid.

"Well, isn't this just a sad table of losers who feel out of place at their nieces birthday party with all the married couples and kids." Five says as he sits his beer down on our table with a large clink.

"I don't feel out of place, I could easily find someone I could marry and have kids with. you couldn't because you look like you're 18." I argue, and five leans back in his seat and crosses his arms slightly, mouthing ben so subtly so that ben can't see.

"Wait, y/n, did you ever even move on after your ben died?" My other Ben asks, and I look at him, my eyes wide as I try to muster an answer.

I try to muster up and answer, but none suitable come to my mind because the truth is I didn't even try to move on, I felt like there was no point, my whole childhood my heart was set on the fact that I'd be marrying Ben, I wanted to at the time despite how young we were and the fact we didn't fully understand the whole concept of marrige and he said he wanted to aswell. when he died I just blamed myself, I thought it was my fault he had died and I convinced myself everyone I love will die because of me, as a sort of reminder that my powers were a curse. obviously, that fact was proven false because my powers are gone. but even now, I'm still cautious to open myself back up to love, but when I'm with this ben, I feel myself slowly opening up again.

"I tried, but nobody stuck around." I lie, and Five shoots me a knowing glare, and Ben just nods, yet another comfortable silence falling over us as I take a large drink from my beer, staring down at my hands before Five starts a conversation with Ben and I can't help but sigh a sigh of relief.

somehow, Luther and Sloane have convinced me to come to theirs to stay the night.

"I think it'll have beneficial effects on releasing your childhood trauma y/n." Luther tells me as I sit in the back of his car, ben at the other side as sloane sits in the front and stares out the window.

"I'm the child psychologist Luther. You just stick to putting out fires." I state, crossing my arms slightly as I stare out the car window, watching the world go by the single frame of glass, trying to hide my smile as I hear Ben laugh at my comment.

"Do you ever sit and look at people and just laugh to yourself because you've saved their asses from the end of the world three times now?" I ask to Luther mainly due to the fact the Sparrow Academy have only had to save the world once, which ended up in all but two of them dying and he just shrugs as he continues to drive.

"Imagine how Viktor feels, knowing he almost killed them twice." Ben says, and that causes me to laugh, slapping a hand over my mouth as I try to stop it.

"That's nasty! the first time wasn't fully his fault. He just discovered his powers and didn't know how to stop them." I tell him, leaning over to gently slap his arm, but I'm still laughing.

"Plus, it's also semi Luther fault for locking him in this weird, safe thing." I add, and Luther groans, muttering something under his breath, leaving me to smile proudly.

"Let's just sit in silence till we get home." Luther suggests, and nobody says a single word to protest and I guess it would be sorta rude if I did seeing as I'm staying at his house tonight.

I sit in my old room, looking around at how empty it is because the Umbrella Academy doesn't exist in this timeline, meaning this room is just a room where I just so happened to share all of my good childhood memories, or atleast the handful I can call good.

"Why would you actually agree to come back here?" Ben asks with a laugh as he stands at the doorframe, staring down at me with questioning eyes.

"I think it's actually partly to do with what Luther said, I think it's good for myself to come see the place and realise that everything that happened back in my time line is just memories now, I dont know I guess I'm trying to give myself some closure." I answer with a shrug as ben walks further into the room, now sitting beside me on the bed.

"What were we like? in your timeline anyway?" ben asks, and I feel my heart stop for a second as I look at him for a brief moment.

"Really young but you -" I cut myself off. Is it wrong to address this ben as my Ben? because it is the same person, but it's not at the same time.

"we understood each other, he- *you* were one of the only people at the Umbrella Academy who showed me love despite our age. if we were doing paired work, we'd always be together, at meals we'd always pass notes, during training we always went easy on each other, during missions we always had a close eye on each other, we'd always spend time in my room. yeah, we were really young, but we still loved each other." I tell him, and he just looks at me, a sad smile on his face.

"we were convinced we were gonna get married, and in all honesty, I would've married you if you stuck around." I then add, looking away as I get an unbearable feeling of sadness.

"I would've married you if you came to the Sparrow Academy timeline earlier." Ben tells me, and I almost choke on my spit as I look at him, my eyes wide.

"What?" I ask, shaking my head slightly.

"I felt myself changing slightly the minute I looked at you when our academies met, but I was too.." He trails off trying to find the words.

"stuck up? full of yourself?" I begin listing and he rolls his eyes but he smiles slightly.

"Yeah, yeah, I was too stuck up to actually allow myself to change for you, and also, I was too scared because I know im nothing like your ben so I didn't want to cause a disappointment as though you lost him again." Ben admits, and I just stare at him.

"Ben, you are my ben." I state, my eyes not leaving his face, not even when his eyes light up slightly, not even when he turns to look at me.

"I didn't want to tell you in case you thought I'm just using you because of what happened with Umbrella Ben, but I promise you that is not the case. You are my ben." I then add, and I see his eyes softening as a small smile appears on the edge of his lips.

"so it's safe to say we like each other then?" He asks after a moment of us just staring at each other.

"I guess so." I jokingly groan, but I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a hug, just savouring the feeling of ben in my arms, my ben as one of his arms wrap around my waist, the other one coming up to reach into my hair, pressing the back of my head closer into him.

"I can't believe you went to prison, you asshole! I was gonna tell you I had feelings for you once we all settled into the new timeline, and then you went to prison."I scoff, and he pulls away from the embrace slightly and looks at me.

"You could've always written a letter or something." He tells me, a smirk playing on his lips.

"I would've been better using a carrier pigeon. No chance was I gonna have a prison pen pal." I scoff, rolling my eyes, but I did write, and then I wrote again, and again, and guess what? I wrote again.

"I did write to you, over and over again, I just never had the courage to send them, because imagine you got one of the letters, wrote back but it didn't send to me?" I ask, a shiver going down my spine at the thought of never knowing if he felt the same way.

"Well, I would've rewrote the same letter every day and sent it to you until you got it." Ben says, a slight hint of promise in his words, and with that, I press a kiss to his lips, and he instantly returns it, his hand on my waist tightening, gently pushing my head closer to his as he depends the kiss and we continue in our kissing embrace got a few moments, before we hear a:

"When I said coming here would help to release your childhood trauma, I didn't mean by doing.. this." Luther says, and I just pull away laughing.

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

More tag rants!!!!!!

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[dufferpuffer]

In continuation of the 'pillow prince/ss/' topic.. Snape sex hcs? I remember you said it's basically impossible to drag him into bed but I'D TRY.

You're just spoiling me, aren'tcha? First Remus now Sev... Severus Snape is devoted to duty. Its the only thing holding him together. How often does he even go to bed…? A full-time teacher, a spy, a death eater, Dumbledore's dark little knight - He probably considers the time he spends marking 'rest enough'.

His self-esteem is dead. So dead he has come to terms with its corpse and uses it as protection. He's been teased his entire life for his looks. By his parents, by his schoolmates, by his teachers, by his cult, by his students... He's proud of how it has hardened him. It's become part of his ego: He's heard it all before - and now the words run off his oily feathers like raindrops.

Having someone say they think him anything less than hideous? Baffling. But while Remus would become a flustered mess... I think Severus would stages-of-grief it. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression… Because his romantic, affectionate side is also a corpse. It died alongside his best friend and he's spent the last decade-and-a-half making sure it stays buried.

To bring it back? That will take a stubborn dedication that rivals his. It takes grit and damn near necromancy. He will fight back, too - because to raise it from the dead is to raise Lily along with it. That is the greatest hurdle: Best friend or love of his life - either way she was the only person he has been affectionate with. He will need to digest that. He hasn't worked through his grief yet, because it is a difficult thing to work through alone. …but he CAN reach Acceptance.

One step, one stage at a time - peeling down each layer of his onion, like an ogre... Things move slowly with Severus - and in the opposite order you might expect. I guess I will go through what a relationship would be like with Severus, in a sorta dot-point fanfic format:

First note: He is allergic to showing weakness - and what he considers a weakness can be... strange. Indulgence. Emotions, affection, touch, company - he has no time for that garbage. He is in control of himself, of his body, of his feelings, of his life. Meticulous, complete control. This man 'tops' exclusively**

He is ashamed of masturbation. It means he has lost control of his emotions - and it grinds against his ego like sandpaper. He almost never does it. Thinking about anyone in particular when doing it is an insult to them - and he hates feeling guilty. He keeps it simple and almost self-harmingly dry. He has more important things to be doing with his time than engaging with this weakness…

You make your interest in him clear. He goes through everything - he belittles and denies your feelings, he gets angry with you for bothering him, he asks you to stop saying such nonsense... and he gets frustrated that even when you've finally shut up, he is STILL dwelling on it. He spends so long just tossing things up, sorting through his grief, imagining it... so, SO sick of jerking off… …when the dam bursts - he fucks. If he is going to be spending all this time obsessing over these stupid feelings he may as well get something out of it. Only sex, though. Sex he is in control of. Clothes on, greedy, not pretty, not nice. 'Thats what you wanted from me, yes? Well you've gotten it. Happy?!?' ((He does not expect the answer to be 'yes'.))

He thinks one time was too many, and did it only to take it off his mind - and to stop having you bother him about it. But it is easier for you to get him to do it a second time. And then a third... fourth... The more times it happens - and nothing embarrassing or bad follows... well, if he has done it once, he may as well do it more, right…? You are evidently trustworthy. '…You may come to my chambers IF I call - at no other times. I am too busy to play silly games.' A casual physical relationship - to solve a problem of distraction and concentration. That's all.

He does start to call. Occasionally at first - and every time he almost shows surprise that you actually turn up. But he gets less and less surprised... and starts getting more and more needy. 'You're late. I sent for you half an hour ago. Do you think I am made of time?!' He doesn't even realize how needy he sounds, because this activity is now ingrained in his routine. He is used to it. And because he is used to it: He touches more. More clothes come off. But never his own. He has gone from 'hands-on-waist' fucking to caressing your naked body - slow rolls of his hips, making his own breathe shudder, enjoying every sensation.

One day his summons aren't replied to. At first he angry. How dare you. How DARE you waste his time!? The next time they are alone he snaps at you bitterly. 'Finally tired of me? Got your fill? Met a better man?' When the response is more along the lines of 'I was a bit ill' or 'I was out'... he realizes he has shown far too much of his hand. How embarrassing. He is speechless at his own foolishness. He showed an inch of vulnerability and expects to be raked through the coals for it. ...What he doesn't expect is acceptance, tenderness and respect.

He had forgotten that he wasn't the one to initiate this arrangement - that he was wanted. Desired. In his mind he had taken control: Everything happened when he wanted, where he wanted and in whichever way he wished. To be touched in a friendly way? To he apologized to - for being made to worry? To have make-up sex offered…? '…Yes. Alright.' Its the next layer peeled off. He starts listening to offers, enjoying being asked instead of being answered. It's still a casual affair - and yet seeing them talk to other people no longer makes his hackles raise in concern for his secrets. Running into them in the morning no longer makes his skin crawl with shame and embarrassment for the night before. He feels excited when they pay a visit in the midday, offering an impromptu meeting. It is oddly... comfortable.

Of course it can't always be sex in the midday. It is too much effort, takes too much time, energy and clean-up. It suits him fine when you jump on the chance to put him in your mouth. At first he is a little taken-aback - but it feels nice. He says nothing other than contented hums, but as you get better he groans and arcs his back a little. He doesn't care what happens when he finishes - swallow or not, as long as it is not a mess for him to clean up. …Well, he tries to be that callous about it… but it doesn't last long. There is a tenderness to the act he can't deny. It isn't the mutual-benefit fucking. This is a gift for him to enjoy. That realization settles and festers in him. It creates a soft feeling he doesn't recognize... and a desire not to owe you anything.

So, without much fanfare: he reciprocates. He gets you on his seat, or on his desk, and gets down on his knees... He is a little nervous about it - when was the last time he did this, if ever…? - But he has no need to be. He is a god with his mouth. It's his attention to detail. His devotion to getting things done thoroughly and properly - even this. What starts as an embarrassing action from the weakness of his heart turns into a strong pleasure for him. He LOVES oral. It isn't him losing control: it's him gaining it. Even when his hair is gripped and yanked, even if he is pulled close and suffocated a little on you - HE is making that happen. HE is making you do that. He never expected this to make him so happy, so hot. He never expected to undo the buttons of his high collar so his neck could move more easily, to unbutton and fold up his right sleeve so he could get his hands messy... To have enough fun to start saying some truly dirty things… 'That good, is it~?' 'My-! How delicate you are today!' 'Stop squirming. Too sensitive…? Just grit your teeth and bear it.' ...and he didn't expect to not be laughed at for such things.

He certainly didn't expect to get so into it that he kissed you to shut you up as you came. A shock to both of you… another wall crumbled. Turns out he likes that too. He starts initiating sexual activity with a kiss. He prefers kissing to talking. It is succinct and expressive. Walk into his office: as soon as the door is shut your back is pressed against it, wrists in his hands, his mouth against yours. If he starts losing control of the kiss he gently bites your lip, dragging his teeth along it teasingly. Your tongue invades his mouth before he has a chance to do it first: he just about shoves your hands into his robes, tearing into your clothes... This man lives for kissing now.

But he still doesn't realize this is more than casual, that this is something he needs… Until you chat. Its a quiet moment. You comment on the parchments rolled at the edge of his desk. 'Oh - that is just my own research into the effects of aconite. I had to work with it extensively a few years ago.' You take an interest, and he starts regaling deeper and deeper into his studies: how poorly documented others' research is; how it reacts to other ingredients; how modern brewing processes can draw so much more out of it - 'you know, the plant is often just passed off as toxic when even basic purification charms are enough to-' ...He is blabbering. On and on about a dull topic nobody cares about… yet you are listening. His jaw drops a little. He realizes that, for the first time in two decades, someone cares. Someone truly cares. About HIM. His thoughts, his interests... He never thought he could have this again. He didn't think that for the sex, either - but sex, compared to this, was easy to procure. He wants to kiss you again. But not for lust this time.

Suddenly it doesn't feel so embarrassing to allow his eyes to become wet, to draw a shuddering breathe as he builds the courage - of which he has masses of - to say something important: '…I am afraid I have come to love you.' It is a terrifying thing to say, but he has never once shied away from saying what is important, even if it results in pain. And yet this time, for once… he feels like he can trust that it wont.

** Many times later, he is laying down as his shirt gets unbuttoned, his collarbone kissed... He doesn't feel ashamed, even as he gently strokes his own dick, encouraging it to harden. He pulls his arms from his shirt sleeves, fearless of his dark mark being exposed. For once work is at the back of his mind as he allows himself to be pushed back down to into the pillows, chuckling as he is told: 'Shh… just lay still darling… I'll take care of you tonight…' ...And he does. Control well out of his hands and a smile on his face.

[yxstxrdrxxm-a]

SYNOPSIS: “I love you, but why do you avoid me so?”

TW/s: unrequited love, unhappy ending, Kazuha is a respectful man fr, reverse yandere dynamics (sorta), pre heikazu matchup, shit happens and it's an overall hurt/no comfort… Surprisingly. (Takes place in Kazuha's perspective + experimenting on yan reader so very ooc.)

NOTE FROM HR: Happy Valentine’s Day. Kazuha knew from this day that it wouldn't end well, and yet he kept his promise for your sake. Still, I have one question for you. Did you think what happened to you was well deserved?

Kazuha is a strange individual.

From the beginning, he made it awfully clear that you two are companions. He never thought of your bond with him as anything serious, or even had a deeper meaning to it. To him, what truly mattered was that you were with a friend.

This was made obvious. He didn't want to make things awkward, so he straight up said that the two of you are simply friends. That was your boundary, and you didn't mind that, so you two ended on that note.

Even when you both hung out, Kazuha remained the same way. He couldn't see your relationship with him soar past romance, and he was… surprisingly enough, content with the idea.

He loathed having to do the inevitable, though. Especially when he noticed the little signs of you acting odd.

Sometimes, the musician would catch you reading his music sheets. It amused him, so when he did, he went over and offered to teach you. You've always been a fan of music, so he knew you'd enjoy whatever he had planned on composing.

However, what he didn't expect was for you to actually compose something for him. You said that it was for his sake, considering he was with you even when things aren't going so well at his job.

It was also a sign of appreciation, you told him.

But he didn't believe you.

It isn't because he disliked the gift— he adored it. He truly did. However, he simply felt as though he didn't deserve it. Maybe it was insane for him to think of that, but he hated to see you wind up hurt because of it.

The sweetest adoration can always be the most bitter hatred. That is what he learned.

But you didn't stop when he told you it was not necessary. You insisted on it, so you pushed through with your plans, making it happen even if Kazuha knew that it was a horrible idea.

Watching you make it without a single fuss or complaint, he simply stayed by your side so you don't wind up becoming ill in your ventures of composing it. He frowned every time you denied it, only to see you take it without fuss when he wasn't present.

Such a difficult thing you are. You should take better care of yourself, he wanted to say. However, he kept his mouth shut and continued on with what he's doing.

Each day, you seem to slave away with composing the music to perfection. Kazuha tried to dissuade you, but you simply shrugged him off, like you didn't want him to stop you from your actions.

It worried him. It worried him so much as your friend, as he didn't want you to die doing such a thing. After all, had you've known he was more interested in you honing your skills for yourself, would you have told him otherwise?

And yet all he can do is watch until you've finished your life's work. You were excited as you told him, and he even tried to play what you made so you two can tell how it sounds. However, much like his feelings in the relationship, it sounded sour.

It was anything unlike the things he's heard, and even he knew it was a novice’s work. Stopping his playing, he examined the notes, trying to decipher what it said. Although, at the corner of his eyes, he could see that your hopes were dashed.

So he simply abandoned the criticism he has for your work and focused on consoling you. In his eyes, you've done your best, and yet the seeds of doubt were sewn in your head.

Did he truly like it? Or did you simply think he did out of obligation?

Each day that passed, your relationship with Kazuha became less friendly and became more of a one-sided budding romance. Kazuha has already put himself out there, but you can’t seem to notice it, like you were blinded to such signs. Or maybe you aren’t, but you simply chose to ignore them for the sake of having what’s yours.

Kazuha could hardly wrap his head around it. He didn’t want you to fall for him, he didn’t want you to suffer the pain of being rejected. Even if his job entailed such horrid truths for ‘rejecting’ someone, he did not want to bring harm to you.

You were his only friend outside the company. The light he considered to be the warmest, the one that kept his mind clear.

Alas, like other light sources, yours dwindled and began to lose its spark.

He tried to stop you multiple times. He didn’t want you hurt, but all you did was simply insist on it. You forced it on him, begging for him to even take a second glimpse into it. That you’d make him happy if he gave it a chance.

That was when he knew you were too far gone.

It was the night before Valentine’s, and yet Kazuha stood by your porch. At the back of his hand was a bouquet he had, and like a cliche romance troupe, he had prepared chocolates and even a music sheet he composed himself.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.

…

No response.

He knocked again.

…

Nothing.

Then, he turned the door open and walked inside.

Metallic. It’s so pungent, it’s what made him stumble. His eyes widened as he struggled to simply keep his footing. He always forgot how hard it was for him to keep his ground, he thinks.

Looking down, he was met with an awful surprise.

Bloodied sheets were laid bare all across the floor, with a few of its piles drenched in blood. The one who became the source of its ‘mess’ laid on the piano, your head simply laying on the keys for God knows how long. The blood has stopped pouring, but there were still some on your body and the keys.

He grimaced.

He could hardly care for the flowers now.

You were killed by someone else.

Quietly, he walked to your corpse, his frown evident on his face. He hardly knew what became of your fate, but the music sheet in front of him had a single phrase as its title.

‘Goodnight, Sweet Prince’.

“... You always told me you’re never this sappy.”

Taking a seat, he gently moved the body aside and let the head lean back, this time so he could play the music that you composed. There were a few parts that led to it sounding distorted, but with Kazuha’s hands, it became bearable to listen to.

Still, Kazuha remained that frown on his face.

He lost the one that gave him the light, after all. Now, he’s back walking in the dark.

@.throw-letter-away | do not republish or repost my works anywhere | 2024

[anika-kanroji16]

Why I don't like Aquakana Part 3

Who expected this raise your hand

✋🏾

Least someone did

Okay basically the newest chapters basically said EVERYTHING I HATE ABOUT IT. But I ain't talking about the OBVIOUS MESS WHICH IS THIS. Today I am talking about a take I have been wondering for a while. Does Aqua love? No not Akane. KANA. Does he love Kana?

Aqua "loves" Kana? Does he really? The whole fandom thinks he does, but I don't think he actually loves her, well, at least not in the way you think he does. I was actually talking to a friend whose name is Antoniee. He thinks Aqua doesn't love any of the girls, which includes Kana as well. The more I think about it, the more I think he's right. I don't think Aqua loves Kana. I honestly think that. You guys think he doesn't love Akane but the real person he doesn't like is Kana. Now before you guys start being rage monsters. Let explain.

I don't think Aqua loves Kana romantically. I think he loves her as a best friend and more importantly for the point of this post. I think he loves her as an idol. Aqua said that the type of girl is someone like Ai in season 1 of Oshi No Ko:

And we know two girls which is his type Kana and Akane. And look how he describes Ai : Pretty Smile, Dazzling Performance and eyes that draw you by their very nature.

Reminds me of someone.

But let me explain further just to prove my point. Goro said "You always liked her straightforward gaze" And we all know Kana is like Ai,

Pretty Smile check

Performance check

Eyes which draw you check.

So therefore HE LOVES KANA right, WRONG. And let me explain why I still think he likes her as an idol and not as herself cause the picture where Goro said this "You always liked her straight foward gaze haven't you" if he liked Kana for herself it would be her playing baseball with Aqua in season 1.

Not Kana as idol when she first performing.

Not only this but in season 2 episode 12 this also proves my point about him only liking her as an idol. He say "Arima is an idol, any sorta of news of a boyfriend would cause a scandal and would lead to worse ending up like Ai."

Does he care about Kana?, YES VERY MUCH SO!! But I don't think he is saying this because of the reasoning of loving Kana. It's more oh she will be hurt if she dates me or hang out with me and ruin her job as an idol and not I love her and I can't bear to see her hurt. Even with his talk with Mem cho shows that more than anything else.

If this conversation was about how much he loves Kana and not what if she get hurt by a stalker fan because of him hanging out with her then it would have her not being on the stage.

And here what Kana said in chapter 107 "If you want to idolize me, you'd better do it now." In a Idol like pose may I add meaning basically confirms he likes her as an idol and not as her true self. What further implys this is lastest chapters of Oshi No Ko.

In chapter 161 Hikaru mentioned falling in love as one of Aqua's desires with Kana on stage with her last performance. You can say that show he love with Kana which yes be that but it could also be implications that He fallen for the idol of Arima Kana and not the one which off stage. For even more Proof Aqua in the same chapter says that "It might also be a good idea to respond to Kana's feelings"

Here are the keywords that you people miss: "IT MIGHT ALSO BE GOOD IDEA." He probably just said it might be a good idea to make her happy, or he is unsure that being with Kana is what he really wants. Or he is unsure of his feelings for Kana. Further, he proves that he's fallen for the idol, and that was his first mistake. Further, he proves that he never saw Kana as a significant other. Now Compare it to his wants and desires with Akane.

He wants to rebulid a relationship with her showing A CLEAR DIFFERENCE HERE. And in chapter 163 it clearly show him not liking Kana

Espeically because "it had the season 2 kiss with Aqua kissing Akane in the background." and like @skania said "part of Aqua’s the moment he doesn’t catch Kana’s ball (symbolizing that their feelings don’t connect) vs the moment where he chooses to kiss and date Akane for real." Also proving my point even more. And it even explains this scene

And this explaintion even explains Akane saying this.

He isn't in love with Kana, he in love with the idol of her as I have proven time and time again. Now I want to explain Kana's faults cause I said that Kana doesn't understand Aqua but not even enough to describe it.

Akane is the only one which understands Aqua, Kana doesn't even understand Aqua and they were childhood friends. Like @skania Kana never got in understand Aqua as person and romantizance him instead meanwhile Akane still loved him till the very end and still love him for every bit of what he was. Even their conversation on the Balcony in season 1 was pretty much shallow and they don't know each other as well as they think they do like explained 2X in post of my post about Aquakana so I won't drive into it.

I will definetly be doing an part 3 about Aquakane and how Akane fits into his type of girl and how he actualy does love her because of it. Yea that all I have to say :D

[ofmossandmist]

Starting (or refreshing) your Spiritual Path

Now that we're beginning the descent into '25, I've been pouring over old notes and journals recently - laughing at mistakes that I thought were tragic and practice-ending, and clearing out old spell jars that were pointless from the start.

That's not to say that they're pointless for everyone! But at that point in my practice, I had no intention or even a true desire for the things I was creating spell jars for - I mean, I did (sort of), but not really. I was simply putting herbs and tiny crystals in jars, sealing them with wax, and essentially forgetting they ever existed.

So while I'm starting the journey of rekindling, reshaping, and revising my spiritual practice, I thought I'd share some lessons that I, so cleverly, decided to learn the hard way.

please keep in mind, these are all my opinions and perceptions, and simply what i've found true for me in my reanalysis of my practice. if this doesn't resonate with you, keep scrolling.

1. Research anything that interests you.

While I was definitely inhaling any and all information I could get my grubby lil paws on back then, I certainly wasn't researching any of it. I wasn't doing the work, I took everything at face value and was simply going through the motions. In other words, I was in "spiritual bypass mode" (this is like doing last night's homework by copying the answers off the person next to you three minutes before class starts). I had no idea what it was that I was actually doing. I thought by making these cute little spell jars and sealing it up with a little prayer inside, I'm good! I did magic! Because at the time I believed that magic is whatever you want it to be.

My pisces sun is so funny sometimes because she'll sit there all innocent-like and wise-lookin, then turn around to reveal the most phfffat, juicy, great-googly-moogly-sized ego out of all the zodiacs. I really took a full five years to work up the courage to even ADMIT TO MYSELF IN. MY. HEAD. that I was struggling and something needed to change. These spell jars that I created for happiness, prosperity, self-love, abundance (and whatever else) actually did the opposite for me. I was severely depressed, broke, and the cherry on top: I genuinely hated myself and who I was becoming.

My point: if you don't research, how do you know what it is you're actually doing? You can *feel* your way through a decent chunk of witchcraft, sure, however the long-term implications of working with things you don't fully understand will show up clearly in hindsight only. Read that again.

(Personally, I research things that will directly affect my practice and if I am interested in knowing more, I dive deeper. I am not telling you that you need to know every single herbal correspondence to each one of the dieties in every pantheon ever to exist just because you want to develop a working relationship with Hestia.)

2. Establish a daily practice.

Once you get step 1 down, the rest becomes butter... sorta. A daily practice was wild to me but I relearned what routines mean. They are simply the things we do in our day-to-day that break up the moments we spend in our head. NOT necessarily a to-do list timed to the minute. Meaning: just try shit. Do the things and then learn from said things. Fuck things up just to learn how to put them back together. Ignore the trends and focus on what you want to see for yourself. Your practice can be as simple as brushing your teeth in the morning and poppin an always-classy-double-finger-gun at the mirror for some quick self-love ORRRRRR as intimate as a fullout 37-step, 2.5 hour glow-up designed to eliminate your pores and your enemies. Ya feel? Just try something and see what works for you.

3. Find Community.

This is my number one personal biggest nope. Don't get me wrong, there are times when hermitude is the way to go - but growing in your practice is MUCH easier* when you have a supportive community of people.

I didn't realize the importance of this when I first began to retreat into reclusivity. I thought I could fix my depression (and my life) with half a snickers bar and a borrowed cup of sugar to sweeten the absolute lemons that were getting yeeted at me - there were only three people in my life at this time, but they pushed me to think deeper, differently, and beyond what I thought I was capable of. You can take yourself a great distance on your own, but you'll always go further with support.

*easy is relative. was it easy to admit that I was a terrible friend for many, many years? no. but I became a better friend because of it. it's a lot easier to keep friends when they actually like you. Get me?

4. Gratitude AND Grace.

Oooof, I really struggle to take the time to stop and appreciate all that I am already blessed with in the moment. I get so caught up in "making room for what's to come" and preparing for the future that I'll forget what's already been in my life.

I have a lot of shame around gratitude that stems from my childhood. I was consistently told I wasn't "grateful enough" for all I was given, (there's a lot to unpack there) but what I've learned is that gratitude shows instead of tells, and it shows the Universe that we are aligned with the energy of receiving. That we are ready for 'the next' because we are fully content and comfortable with where we are and what we have.

In the shadow of Grace, lives Shame. It's a line I often use as a compass to lead the way back to allowing myself the grace to make mistakes. To allow my practice to look imperfect. After all, that's why it's called a practice.

5. Change is inevitable.

You already know this, but it's strange to look back on the beginning on your path from the middle of it. Your gifts and interests will grow and evolve and shift and shrink with you. Be open to that change, it's what will keep you centered, fresh, and grounded. Evolution is natural, lean into the evolution of your personal practice.

I think this can lead back to the whole grace thing. For those of us often scared by change, it can be a shocking thing - it may even seem toxic when things change. During times like that, I (personally) turn to meditation to tune inwards. I go deeper to better understand why certain things are resonating with me and if I truly want to incorporate new energy into my spiritual path.

idk how to end this. like what am I supposed to say??? Do you want my whole life story?? This was only supposed to be some cute little "tips and tricks" guide. I just dropped some deep lore pretty casually up there. That whole ego shit? Do you think I wanted to type that??? You've gotten enough from me. Leave me be. Go learn shit, go start your own things. What are you still doing here? Oh, and by the way, you are not obligated to do anything the way you see it online OR IN BOOKS. You do not have to have an aesthetic practice. Your practice is defined by you alone.

So anyways, kids. Do school, stay drugged and fuck your vegetables.

-Moss

[ladydisharmony]

i sometimes wish discord wasn’t just Q from star trek…CAN WE GET A MLP REBOOT THATS NOT FOR LITTLE CHILDREN 😋✌️

nah fr. the fact that mlp is for kids isn’t even the issue for me tho, even if it might allow for more development if it wasn’t. they just…didn’t pay discord’s character any mind. proper mind, i should say. he was either a plot device and or/his character was molded to fit said plot device.

i love how in princess twilight sparkle (season 4 premiere) he was causing (or caused and was doing nothing to correct it in the present) an issue that twilight and her friends needed to overcome because he knew there was a lesson to be learned from it. AND he did it all in character. when the rest of the main 6 send twilight back to ponyville because putting her in danger would leave equestria without any leadership, he guides her into going back into the everfree forest because her friends need her. he does it in a mean spirited way, but it is so in character for him to do. he doesn’t tell her her friends need her and she needs to go back to them right away, he insinuates she thinks she’s better than everyone and that she was letting her friends be in harms way to protect herself. he knew it would accomplish getting her back to her friends to solve the issue AND piss her off. two birds one stone.

it is the only instance where they use discord teaching twilight a lesson and doing it RIGHT. sure he could have snapped his fingers and everything would have been fixed, but he saw the opportunity for twilights friendship to be strengthened. he was being a teacher without his character being stripped from him and that’s GOOD. i could argue his introduction was ALSO teaching twilight a lesson on purpose. he hid the elements in twilights fucking house. he wasn’t misleading her or stringing her along just to find nothing. he literally planted the elements of harmony in her home and upon seeing the elements working, didn’t even attempt to escape. he didn’t even seem to notice (or he didn’t care) that the other elements were no longer grey or under his influence, which you would think he would be able to sense in some way. it’s all very interesting but this is just becoming a discord analysis so let’s get back into his character being all over the place.

as the show continues his intelligence and character are much more….well inconsistent. his betrayal with tirek works, he’s at the point in his reformation where he isn’t really “reformed” he’s there playing along while getting on everyone’s nerves in the process. sure he’s been ‘helping’ the six but it’s clear the only side he’s on is his own, and fluttershy’s slightly. at this point, he’s looking for any opportunity to not worry about being in the ponies good graces. he’s slightly torn over his friendship with fluttershy, but tirek was offering him freedom to do as he pleases AND friendship. it was a win win it seemed. and when tirek in turn betrays discord later in the episode, it’s a wake up call. he was receiving the treatment he had shown fluttershy and the others seconds prior, and he realized that it made him feel like shit. he realized then just how important true friendship is to him, and that tirek wasn’t someone he could ever expect that from, even if he had rlly wanted it from him. we see in this episode that discord DESIRES friendship, and we see him realize how is actions affect others and he really regrets it. it’s an important and vulnerable moment for his character. he could now see that he had what he was searching for in tirek, specifically with fluttershy, and he wasn’t going to make a mistake like that again. it was his REAL reformation.

and from this point on his character is sorta kinda just thrown to the wolves. the writers pair him with spike and big mac, which i don’t necessarily hate, but i find it rather lazy. i guess they figured discord boy he needs to hang out with boy hehe!!!! but we should have seen him developing his relationships with the main six. he has multiple episodes with fluttershy, one with twilight, and one with the whole group. out of like the ten episodes he has that aren’t finals or premieres, two of them include bonding with the six main characters (excluding fluttershy). i find it strange that he becomes a reoccurring and important character yet we barley see him interact with the main characters casually. i wish he had more episodes in general but they rlly mishandled a lot of the few he had, which is what upsets me more.

on top of this, we see a much better group of people he could have been paired with in to where and back again. trixie, starlight, and thorax are ALL in the same position he is in. they have all done bad things to varying degrees that they have come to regret. i’m sad he didn’t interact with starlight, more specifically. she is constantly reminded oh her actions by those who say they are her friends and is being eaten by guilt. this is something they could bond over as both of their actions were more severe than both trixie and thorax. but instead of any kind of bonding. the ONE regular episode they have together discord is a MEGA ass and they’re pissed they whole time. discord felt left out and starts acting like a child. he isn’t even an ass in an amusing way…he’s just a cunt. discord being upset he wasn’t invited to the school isn’t a bad conflict for him to have but not only is it handled badly, it doesn’t make sense as a conflict with starlight. i feel like it was supposed to be a twicord episode but it wouldn’t have worked with fluttershy being in the school so they made it a starcord episode instead? and they didn’t even do it in a satisfactory way. they did it in the worst way possible actually and he is so dislikable in matter of principals it makes me furious.

and the grogar shit? ohhhhhhh brother. one day i might drop a full analysis cause i have a lot to say but this is already so long. i could literally talk about this for forever if you couldn’t tell….sorry anon. thank you for the ask if you regret it because i wrote and essay sorry it will happen again

[pokemenlovingmen]

YAAAY TRANSMASC ACE MAN BLOG!! (IM THAT TOO!!!)

Speaking of ace(sex repulsed ace) how about an x reader with arven were the reader comes out as ace?(trans+gay reader ofc, he/they/it btw! :D)

Btwwww before anyone claims this,,,,, I’ll be,,,,,,, “🐾🦴 dog bone anon” :3

Hi dog bone anon!! With all the ace transmascs I’ve been getting in my inbox it’s pretty clear I’ve found my target audience—and they’re all just like me fr fr.

I’d love to write this coming out story with our favorite sandwich man! I love writing about the queer experience, at least the experience I can say I’m familiar with. Ace acceptance rules :)

A Bit of News — Coming out as ace to Arven

🥪 — Okay point and laugh, give him the olympic medal for jumping to conclusions, when you said you had something “important you wanted to talk privately about” he automatically assumed the worst.

🥪 — Unbeknownst to you, he might actually be even more nervous than you when you sit down to talk. He doesn’t do well with sudden news.

“So, Arv… uh, I don’t know how else to say this. But I talked it through with some friends, and you’re my boyfriend, so you deserve to know. I’m… asexual. Y’know…? I really hope it’s not too disappointing to hear… I mean, I don’t want this to change anything about our relationship, but if it’s something that makes it harder to stay together because you’re not comfortable with it or it’s too restricting for you, I understand.”

🥪 — He blinks. You stare at him, biting your lip nervously.

🥪 — Oh, wait… that’s all?

🥪 — He lets out a massive sigh of relief and smiles at you.

“Oh, that’s it? Phew! Sorry, I kinda got nervous there that something really bad had happened. That’s a load off my mind.”

“So, wait, you’re… not upset about the asexual thing?”

“Huh? Why would I be upset about it?”

“Well, it kinda interferes with a big part of a lot of relationships and all…”

“S/O? Do you really think we’d be here, having this conversation, if I was just in it to get you in my bed? There’s probably hundreds of guys out there I could look at and go ‘oh man, he’s so hot’, but there’s only one of you. And I’m not saying I don’t find you hot or anything—but ehh, that’s besides the point—it’s just that there are a billion other things that I like about you past your body. And that’s a billion other reasons to stay with you.”

“Arv, Arceus, you’re too good to me… so you really don’t mind?”

“Definitely not. It’s gonna take way more than that to get rid of me!”

🥪 — After your talk, though (and the deep kiss and wonderful cuddle session that followed), he’s probably got some questions. I imagine he’d be the type to repress his own sexuality for a long time to begin with, so be doesn’t exactly know much about the rest of the LGBTQ+ community. He wants to know more, both to be involved more in the queer community, and also to establish and respect a comfort zone for you!

🥪 — He’s always very polite when he does have questions to ask and always reminds you that you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. But it’s a lot easier to talk about your sexuality, the way you express it, how you figured it out, how it makes certain things feel, when you have Arven there being so genuinely curious and wanting to learn about these things.

🥪 — You can also tell when he did research because he’ll be confirming some really silly facts about the community with you the next morning (i.e., asking you if you really like cake to confirm the memes he saw online. He sorta conducts himself like a confused grandpa trying to be supportive but not really knowing what to do, and you tell him so. He hates you for saying that. >:| ).

🥪 — So speaking of the classic asexual “I’d rather have cake” meme, you find him baking you cakes with alarming frequency because he thinks he’s being funny.

🥪 — Overall, this really doesn’t alter your relationship with Arven much. You’re still his handsome and perfect boyfriend, which he’ll make known anytime you like. He already loved you so much and like he said, hearing you are ace changes none of that.

“Anyone who would only want you for your body is insane anyway, S/O. Really, only your body? I’m mad at anyone who would think like that and they’re just hypothetical people, like, you’d have to be the dumbest person in the world to get with someone as perfect as you and think your body is the only thing that’s worthwhile. Even if I was disappointed about you being ace, there’s literally hundreds of other things about you to love that mean way more than sex ever could.”

“You’re getting worked up about this.”

“I just—I love you, okay?? And I’m getting upset thinking there’s anyone that would treat you like that!”

“Yeah, you really showed those hypothetical people what for. You tell ‘em, Arven.”

[esterzach]

So there goes nothing. “I like her, you know. The Wisdom.” In answer to @poohsticksbridge

To me, the whole scene was a manipulation. Now that I know why, it makes sense. It's just I don't know if this line is true, as in if it's a genuine admiration and warm feelings towards her, or if she means something more. Or, she somehow managed to twist herself in order for this to pass as truth. Because... the previous experience suggests a not-so-great relationship between the two. And I don't think Moiraine is at fault here, although she had started with the left foot with her, albeit on purpose. Also, Moiraine regrets doing that to Lan. It's evident on her face. Before she says that and after Lan leaves. She looks like she feels guilty for doing this. Why do I doubt it was genuine?

I mean here comes this young woman, who is far greater than her in her power, who saved their life, more so - Lan's life, also she managed to take over Lan's attention even before that. Moiraine is human after all. No matter how much the logic says Moiraine has to be grateful, that she understands where Nynaeve's fear comes from, the attitude of the young Wisdom doesn't help a lot. 

She tried to test Moiraine's patience even with that first conversation in Tar Valon. The whole episode Moiraine is down, depressed, sort of defeated. I understand she is at home. But there is so much that she has to worry about. She found the DR and managed to lose him. She comes back to a place where everyone is suspicious of her and looks as if she is a stranger. Or, like Stepin, they probably think she is the odd one. Linadrin has that attitude toward her, and you wonder, is she in love with her or hates her guts or both... I don't know - I don't understand humans. She also senses Lan's worry. After Kerene’s death implications are clear as day - one day this will happen to them.  

On top of that, some feisty young girl threatens her! She tries to speak with her. She tries to explain. And Nynaeve threatens her. Then she goes with Liandrin's advice, Moiraine probably knows that they met, because why else would Liandrin gloat in her face like that. And The next day, not only is the fiasco in the Hall, not only they still mourn Stepin, the Wisdom, in her wisdom, has fucked up again. 

And dares to snarl at Moiraine "Of course". Kid, can we NoT!?

Moiraine has just healed Mat, who by the way, tried to kill her, she is exhausted so much that she stumbles after whatever was crawling over her face ... (properly disgusting, great work!), and Nynaeve is like You again!

I mean, no matter how zen you are... just...

I don't know, I understand I am not neither as mature nor as calm and composed a person as I have to be, considering... but keeping a good demeanor and good attitude after that... It would be hard for anyone. Moiraine is a bigger person than most of us I guess. 

Then there is more. Things are piling up. And as hilarious as it is for us... and no matter how Moiraine would see through her, Nynaeve insults The Amyrlin throne. Twice. Now... if it was anyone else, it would have been sorta kinda “whatever” for Moiraine... But just imagine a random woman, a stranger comes into your home and insults someone you love. A partner, or a relative... She is supposed to be an adult, I get she is young and defensive, but ... Plus the famous line: "Siuan Sanche waits for only one woman. And it's not you!" Yet again it was a reaction to Nynaeve casually insulting Siuan, dismissing her as she is not that important "Let her wait!" It shows at least two things, that most people caught. That is Moiraine being absolutely confident in her relationship with Siuan. She puts Nynaeve in her place - she can not talk about The Amyrlin this way in front of her. But in order to get from Moiraine being nice, all smiles, expecting both girls to be grateful and happy with the surprise, to her being so irritated that she loses control and lets that slip in front of two people who have NO CLUE about her relationships with Siuan, this has to strike a nerve. She is mad! Not that Nynaeve gets that not-so-subtle hint. Because only minutes later, she does it again! This time, thankfully for Nynaeve, Moiraine follows Siuan's reactions and just smiles.

At the Waygate "Why should we trust you?" I mean this was within reason I guess... But still, it adds up to the pile of what Moiraine takes from her. And this is maybe a few hours after the Oath Rod event.

And then there is Fal Dara. 

So finally I am getting to the “I like her, you know!” My initial reaction: “You do? Since when?". Because it comes right after "You forget, girl, that I can not lie!" Her tone so obviously says she is done with her behaviour, that it almost doesn’t allow other interpretation. She turns to her with "girl". OUCH! That was on purpose. Nynaeve craves for people to take her seriously, and Moiraine knows it since the village and their conversation. People commented on her previous line about the wisdom being a sick burn. I think this one is actually worse.

Moiraine just said to her you are nothing but a little girl, a child who thinks that she can play in the world of the adults. And that was in front of Lan.

So I don’t know if have a good enough explanation for her next line, MINUTES later. If it was phrased in another way, maybe... But it takes quite the jump from her previous behaviour, to be taken as clean truth. Now, I understand why Moiraine had to say that she likes Nynaeve and possibly it has to be true. It was part of her plan. She had to push Lan to her, to have him out, she needed him to be distracted that night, so she could release the Bond. Moiraine needed a reason to mask the Bond. And I think the masking before in Tar Valon was done with the same purpose - to have the excuse to make Lan ( and us) NOT question her or run to her when she does it again. Lan is outraged the first time she does it- he immediately goes to her. This is not something she usually does. She says It’s been two years. I thought you would appreciate the break. The thing is we all assumed Moiraine and Siuan hadn't seen each other in two years. That might not been the case at all. Maybe it's been two years since she masked the Bond. They may even share … the fun times. But she needs a reason now for Lan to think this is something she does. "Hey, I am letting you have privacy tonight."

Plus, Lan already sensed something was wrong. He asks her and Moiraine tells him. She practically leads him to get to the answer himself later on, just not right now. She does the same thing before she sends him away in S2. She explains to him her motives for her next actions, so when he thinks over it later on, he has all the answers. "Nostalgia. The air reminds me of the night we met. (that statement is a bit shaky, I think she was trying to lie here) I feel like I’ve taken everything from you. There is more to life than me, than this mission. (There is absolutely no hesitation in those, so this is her telling her absolute truth and regret).  And the last push - “I like her, you know. (a pause) The Wisdom." A push toward Nynaeve. She has given him approval. This is her saying goodbye. It doesn’t matter who is the Dragon at this point. That is before Rand reveals what he knew.

That pause though is slightly suspicious. Maybe I just started to read too much in every word, but her speech patterns matter, and what she says often can be interpreted in more than one way. She makes connected statements, they look like a flowing monologue, but the connection between them is placed there to create a suggestion, that this is what she means. It sounds like one thing leads to another, and separately they are truths, but sometimes there is more hidden in them, and they actually stand alone as separate information. The person who listens hears what she says but receives an overall message or conclusion from her last words, that may not be the actual meaning of her words. (Right before the scene with Lan, Rand argues with Agwene. She says: "Moiraine can not lie" and he answers: "That doesn't mean she cannot mislead." It feels like they make a point with this, a hint to prepare the audience that something will happen in this direction). They did that in S2 E2 with her, but because we already heard other Aes Sedai using elusive language to hide or obscure truth, we started searching for it in their speech and it became more obvious. The writers use that trick, like the magician's hand - look here, not there. It shouldn’t work, but it does, because like Lan, we are not used to it, we are not expecting it. And we are focused on something else. On the one that doesn't matter that much. It's why most people thought the Bond was masked even after S2E8.

Lan doesn’t expect Moiraine to actively manipulate him. In his mind their relationships are clear. He knows Moiraine can do that. He is perfectly aware that he has an intelligent woman trained on two fronts to be very precise with her words and is able to play with them. He knows she is capable. But using it on him? She has no reason to do that. So she uses manipulation to make him go outside and spend some time with his people. Counting on Nynaeve she will somehow follow - she is curious, she tends to go around and she is interested in Lan. The rest is maybe sheer luck.

The music in the background is the same as when she was saying goodbye to Tar Valon and Siuan. Even the setting is similar- she watches from a high place. If Tar Valon represents her connection to Siuan, Fal Dara is Lan. And she is saying goodbye to Fal Dara and to Lan. The other option is that Moiraine actually really thinks that. There are after all two big moments, where Nynaeve saves everyone. Both times Moiraine turns toward her and gives her a look. She has seen exactly how Nynaeve reacts when the people who she cares about are in danger. She also knows that Nynaeve's behaviour is dictated by fear and jealousy, by insecurities, but this is only a surface level. If one manages to ignore her big mouth and the constant jabs toward Moiraine, the core of her personality is the instinct and the desire to protect. She saves everyone the first time by pure instinct, in her rage and desperation, refusing to accept the reality of the situation. Moiraine even says it to Liandrin - The healer who saved the dying with her first channeling, choosing Red? Get outa here.

The second time though, in the Ways, Nynaeve hears her own fears in the words of The Black Wind. That she will watch them all die and do nothing. And is like "Fuck that". She is the one who steps in front of everyone and creates a sort of shield. She is pissed, but she is choosing it. She actively steps ahead and seeks for her power. It is not a surprise to her this time. Two people refuse to give up on The black wind. Everyone else is paralyzed on the ground trying to survive. There is a moment, while Moiraine is channeling to open the gate when she turns around and sees what Nynaeve is doing. Lan is there, trying to pull her back so they can leave. Moiraine awaits until everyone is out.

Once outside, the group is trying to process what happened. Everyone is crying. Even Moiraine has red eyes from whatever she had heard in there. Nynaeve looks quite composed though. Angry, but overall she seems fine. Moiraine turns to her and says "Well done." Then she adds "Everyone". Nynaeve is the first to speak. So Moiraine already saw her saving everyone, standing up to a magical power that took over your mind and was enough composed to think clearly after the whole mess. That probably wins her quite the respect of the Aes Sedai. So from Moiraine's perspective, if she is to leave Lan, if he ends up with a powerful, overprotective stubborn woman, whose first instinct when they are in danger is to get over herself - every fear, every insecurity, even barriers built up for years, who on top of it has feeling for him - that might not be that bad.

[the-six-that-thrive-if]

I was actually holding off on playing this until my exams were over but I lost myself to temptation and honestly this was just an amazing update. I would have probably hated myself for not reading this sooner if I have waited tbh😭

Initially, I was a bit confused bout who exactly moi MC should romance but I think Dante just single handedly cleared those doubts by a landslide and we haven't even fully met the other ROs yet🛐 I'm just in love with the way you portray him, like he actually feels alive and reading his parts are like breathing in fresh air, you know.

And I had to read that 'nudges MC's leg apart' part 60k times just for it to register in my head that I hadn't hallucinated that😭 and also was the actually the Warden outside MC's window?? If it is, I find it hilarious that this dude was just casually hanging outside smones window and being just shady af.

And honestly though, it should be a crime that Ro isn't actually an RO (...was that a twisted pun on your part btw?🥹)

I mean forget kissing MC's temple, stroking their spine but this man had me at stocking their fridge like hello? do u want to get married that badly?

Btw, it's implied a bunch of times in the demo, about how our dad clearly shows signs of genuine care towards the mc and blaming himself etc etc but the mc always has this 'he's disappointed in me' mentality. Is that actually a semi set feature of the mc coz it felt a bit contradictory to everything we've been getting about the dad in actuality. I mean I understand that we, the readers, maybe a bit omniscient in some things related to the plot, as in seeing things the MC can't see, but MC seems well aware of their situation it.

Either way, I think this was a great update mainly because it really balanced out the other chapter quite well, I think. It felt like the pace slowed down a bit and honestly that was a really great choice. Also, I did feel a lot of things were missing when i first read this if's demo but the additions in the previous chapters really bring together the entire demo as a whole. I think the only criticism I have is towards the amount of grammatical and vocabulary related mistakes, it did throw me off the plot in some areas but nevertheless it's pretty solid.

Also, have you already selected the beta testers btw?

(v sorry for this long ask, i think i rambled a bit too much😶)

The grammatical errors will forever be the bane of my existence and I will fix them. But everything else aside, I'm really glad and I adore long asks so don't worry.

But I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I had felt that the pacing was a bit off and there was just so many things I really really wanted to add, just wasn't equipped in doing so. Aswell as my financial situation is rocky and before I hadn't had access to a computer, which is the cause of my hella long hiatus. But I really really wanted to grow the world MC is in and make y'all familiar with it. So finally learning code and learning it well enough honestly helps me so much in accomplishing what I really want to accomplish.

With MC and their dad/ur dad it's sorta predetermined, but you'll get the chance to actually face you and your father's relationship before it's too late. I feel that where MC is, it's an honest bitterness. I mean comparing the rest of their family, Racheal, their mom, Charles, even Amelia show how much they love MC, but we'll definitely get more insight into why he acts the way he does and everything in the coming chapters!

And the Ro stroking your spine, yes he did that. I absolutely had to throw that in.

And Dante feeling alive, I really really try by just adding habits and things that extend outside of speech and just ugh, that is such a huge compliment!

[yanderelovlies]

Not sure if this has been asked already but how do you think Jack would react to an MC that doesn't want kids (at all, ever) and kinda hates them 💀 like they wouldn't ever be mean to one on purpose or anything but just finds them loud and annoying.

Jack has always wanted a family. Since he never had it growing up, there was a part of him that craved it. So when he felt your relationship had progressed to that point, he sat you down to talk about it with you.

"What are your thoughts on children sunspot?"

"Well, I don't mind them, but I don't want any of my own."

This surprised Jack; he thought everyone wanted children with the person they love. So, was it him? Was it because of him you didn't want any? "How come?"

You shrugged. "I just never liked them. I've always thought they are hassle and annoying, so I've always steered clear of them."

Jack sorta deflated. If it was him he could possibly fix it, but since it was personal preference he could fix it. He just had to accept it. You noticed this deflation, and began to feel a little bad. You assumed he really hoped you would agree, and when you didn't he tried to hide his disappointment.

"What do you think about having pets jack? They are like babies, but less crying."

Maybe he can work with pets.

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

Ohhh if you're comforable, can you describe how dating more people has been for you? :)

sure! keep in mind, i'm no expert lol, so don't take my word as the Absolute Law And Truth, this is just my experience. i just do what i wanna do!

calling myself polyamorous is sort of a new thing for me, even though i have always sorta acted polyamorous, if that makes sense. not in the sense that i'd cheat lol, but i'd make it clear that i am seeing other ppl and would take great care to not let it be implied that things are exclusive if i'm seeing someone.

however!! it was always expected that once i "like someone enough" i need to sorta commit and "make it serious" (a term i hate), and that's what i'd always do. i'd just like. pick one. lol. and it felt weird and unnatural and always gave me terrible anxiety, which i thought were like. commitment issues. but i actually don't really have those? like i am very happy to commit, but for me that doesn't include being romantically/sexually exclusive to that one person. i think commitment comes in many forms. i can be there for you, and also be there for others. i don't understand why me having sex with someone else would mean i don't value you. i honestly can't grasp that concept at all, never could.

to get back to "being serious abt someone" i also can't comprehend how me also being with other ppl would mean that i am not serious about someone i'm with. like, i just don't get it, i guess. and i really, really dislike that whole idea of oh, you can fuck around but then monogamy is like The Next Level That Is Expected At Some Point, which is how many of my irl friends view it. they're like yeah yeah, but you will Commit at some point, right?? and i'm like... i'm Already Committed lol, as much as i can be. bc i guess i'm in sorta ldr atm, and they're like oh yeah, so you're now poly bc she's not here so you wanna fuck right. and like.... no lol. i'd be poly even if she were right in this room with me haha. i'm not poly bc i can't control my sexual desire and my pussy would shrivel up and die unless i Fuck Someone Right Now (also it REALLY isn't just abt fucking). if i decided to be monogamous, i would be, no matter where my partner was.

like, i find the way most ppl look at relationships very perplexing, and i just always thought i was weird like that, until recently i was like...... Wait A Minute. i don't have to perform monogamy lol.

i had a gf prior to this realisation. i was in a committed relationship that lasted 3 years that wasn't the healthiest, but We Tried lol. and then after i broke up with her, the idea of being in a monogamous relationship just seemed so... unnatural to me? like, i literally made myself be monogamous. and i didn't mind it! it was a choice i consciously made. i was willing to make that sacrifice for her bc i knew she would be very uncomfortable with me seeing other ppl and i did love her very much. the relationship didn't work out for other reasons that are irrelevant rn.

however what Got Me was that each time i had to consciously decide to be monogamous. and i was like hey wait a min. if i have to Decide this every time, perhaps it's not what's natural to me? if i'm like, oof, okay, now i must Act In This Way! perhaps i should just... stop?? why WOULD i make that sacrifice for anyone if there are ppl out there who will love me as i am? i can just be polyamorous?? idk why that hasn't occurred to me before, i guess just bc i thought no one like... Does That except very Woke ppl lol. and i was like yeah idk if that's realistic for me (???? what does that even mean????).

so yeah, i guess i'm identifying as polyamorous now, even if i always have been! as for how the experience of dating (idk if i would even call anything i do dating, i just vibe with ppl while we vibe lol) more than one person is for me? natural, liberating, normal, non-stressful. i just slipped into it like it was the most natural thing in the world, bc to me, it is. i had zero angst abt it once i allowed myself to just do it. my relationships are healthier, i am happier, i feel at peace, i attract more ppl than ever. i don't have that scarcity mindset like OOF better catch One!!!! unless you wanna Die Alone!!!! thing lol. i would always be like but sadjkhfdashfdsa wdym catch one adskhdsafdshfdhjsjfdhs this is so stressful. like that part is totally gone. i'm so so so happy. i feel loved and i have much loved to give. it feels like it's always been like this.

hope that answers your question!

[haleigh-sloth]

I've been thinking about what Ochako meant when she still has to talk about love with Toga and at first I thought it was just to get her attention but what if it's something along the lines of Ochako finally saying out loud that she's let go of Deku and is focusing on herself, her heroism and does a sort of speech on how Toga can be her own person and be loved the way she is. I would love something like that because I've always hated how Ochako and Toga's character plots have been sorta boxed into this love Deku thing

Hmmm, okay I hear what you're saying, like I get where you're coming from. But I can't say I agree.

Saying Ochacko has to ditch her crush so she can focus on herself and her goals is...idk, not a great take? People can still foster relationships while living their lives.

I think this is pretty reductive of what they actually have going on with each other. It's reductive of Toga most of all. But it's kind of a disservice to Ochacko too tbh.

I don't agree that Ochacko is like...cringe or bad for having a crush. I just don't agree that she should have to drop her feelings and "focus on herself" in order to be a valid character with a meaningful arc. Especially because the whole "drop your feelings" take is exactly what Toga struggles with literally her entire arc.

And I mean...their issues aren't literally about Izuku. Toga? She doesn't even know him. Her "crush" on him is very surface level, and the story doesn't try to sugar coat it into something deep. And there isn't anything in the narrative pitting them against each other over him. Like....there is in NO way a love triangle thing going on, and I think it's been made clear that their talk about "love" is more of a talk about values, because that's what Toga wanted to talk to her about during the first war:

If there is anything about Toga that has been consistently shown, it's that she is really envious of people's relationships. She sees Tsu and Ochacko during the camp raid and immediately gets excited over calling Tsu by a "friend only" nickname. She envies their friendship.

She sees Izuku and Ochacko during the licensing exam

—and we even get follow up on it later:

--she's envious of their trust they put in each other. That was also a time when she witnessed Izuku's heroism--which plays a part later since she seeks him out during the final arc for answers.

Toga wants relationships, friendships, connection with people. She's been robbed of those things, and the ones she did have during her school days she was suffocating the whole time, to the point that she eventually snapped, and obviously those relationships weren't strong enough to keep hold after she ran off.

The thing about the TogaChacko dynamic is that they view feelings toward other people opposite. Ochacko shuts them away because she can't let it interfere with her life, it's bad, gotta pretend they're not there. Toga on the other hand views those feelings as something to cherish and as a strength, as she's spent her whole life shutting them away and it just hurt her in the long run.

She is wanting Ochacko to basically admit that shutting feelings away is painful, and to acknowledge Toga's pain for having to do that for so long. She poked the bear during their scuffle during the first war by threatening to take the All Might keychain, and Ochacko obviously reacted, which Toga noticed.

It's the whole internalizing vs externalizing feelings debacle. Which one is gonna win (both sides need to be understood). Ochacko is valid for wanting to not make her crush a priority over school and her job as a hero in training, just as Toga is valid for wanting to have relationships in the first place.

And on the note of how Ochacko shouldn't have to drop her crush, Toga shouldn't have to drop her feelings. The whole point is for Toga to stop hating herself. She's been demonized because of how her quirk mixes with her emotions and how it has manifested in a harmful way toward others. She wasn't demonized for having a crush on someone. The quirk issue is what made it a problem.

The other reason I simply just don't agree that it's been boxed in to revolve around Izuku is because Toga reached out to him for a reason other than romance. Like, the boyfriend question was obviously to evoke a reaction. I mean she took it to the extreme right off the bat. But what did she do after?

What did she really want to ask in the first place?

She repeated her question that Ochacko didn't give her a satisfying answer to. So I mean, Toga and Ocha are not about to duke it out over him, nor is their entire fight about to be about him.

Toga wants to know if heroes consider her a person. A person worth saving, a person worthy of relationships, or would they just kill her the way they did Twice.

[myfaveisfuckable]

Rants!

queen ripple/drawcia: they're in love they've never met in canon they're married with an adopted fairy daughter they're divorced and haven't seen each other in 4 billion years they sealed ripple's sorta parental figure with that parental figure's partner they both hate their respective duties despite having to keep at them for their people's/family's sakes they both have golden child syndrome are everything to me do you understand. (literally none of this is part of canon btw i like making shit up about my beloved blorbos who nobody even looks at sideways because they have little to no canon characterization)

Dante/Raiden: This ship comes from the 2006 Playstation Magazine (PSM) issue 110 endpage drawn by comic artist Adam Warren (most known for his comic Empowered) depicting the hypothetical timeline where the PSM swimsuit special is replaced with a 600 page erotic “Dante/Raiden slash fanfiction.” In this panel Dante’s DMC2 design is shown above Raiden’s MGS2 design (notably the most hated versions of these characters at the time, though considering Warren’s feelings towards Dante and Raiden, this pairing was most likely shown to baffle the reader with a well beloved charactered and a much hated character doing something “humiliating” aka. participating in homosexuality). Dante says “Why can’t I quit yew,” a reference to brokeback mountain, and Raiden says “Please be gentle… like snake”

Obviously this panel is meant to be a joke at the expense of both women who write fanfiction, and gay people, made more clear by the second appearance of “Raidante” in Warren’s work, in which Dante is reading yaoi fanfic and remarks “As if I’d settle for someone as lame as Raiden if I was gay!” However, likely because he has never played Metal Gear, Warren fails to consider the thematic implications of this pairing, considering the narratives of each character.

Dante is a demi-human, ashamed of his demon heritage but forced to reconcile with it. To cope with this, he adopts the persona of a “badass devil hunter with a devil may care attitude” as a form of escapism. Because he cannot accept his nature, nor can he come to terms with his past trauma of demons killing his close ones, he remains in stasis and cannot form deep connections with others.

Raiden is human by nature, but was robbed of his flesh by the patriots. Raised a child soldier, he is emotionally stunted and has very little personality to call his own, resorting to grasping at the persona of “Solid Snake” and tacking on his mannerisms to fill what gaps are left in his development. Even after starting a new after the big shell incident, he relapses again into the ego-less being he was at the age of 10, proclaiming himself a weapon and throwing himself at danger and death in the belief that it’s his purpose.

Both of these people are fundamentally unable to connect with others, breaking all of their connections and distancing themselves both out of fear of getting hurt and genuine inability to retain relationships. They use violence and self sacrifice as substitute for meaning in their life, and degrade themselves to that of a sword. Then, when meeting someone who they recognize all their behaviors in, what would happen? Do their own tactics of isolation work on themselves? Do they cancel out, or override each other?

Adam Warren is too much of a coward to explore this concept in a 600 page fanfic, so I will.

[sketching-shark]

Do you like the sun and moon allegory that the show push for swk n LEMH n to a lesser extent how the fandom r pushing it futher by including mk as the star??

I dont rlly get why that of all symbolisms gets to b hammer in the most. My feelings for it is v much went from neutral to dislike bc it box in swk into this sorta narrative that ‘oh things were easy for him n hes so bright!” And oh poor macaque he got stuck in the shadows of swk bc he the moon! Like huh?? Definitely didn’t spurred me bc of how some ppl were quick to equate “sun” as what it mean in sun wukong name.

I just rlly don’t like this inclusion to the whole LEMH v SWK. I got more to say but this just it for rn soo thoughts?

Monkie Kid spoilers below

asdfrgerwredsff well as the local "guy who gets stupid angry at how completely western canon and fanon refuses to engage with the og classic true & false monkey king arc" I can't say I'm a fan anon. And yeah the automatic equation of the "Sun" in Sun Wukong to the English word "sun" was a bit goofy if understandable at first (we all work under particular assumptions based on the cultures and languages we were raised in after all), but now in a lot of ways it seems to stand as one more example of how many people in a dominant culture won't take the time to even do a quick google search to see what a word's meaning in its original context was.

But aside from that I personally don't feel like this sun and moon allegory & the underlying insistence on a close relationship is doing either Sun Wukong, the Six-Eared Macaque, or even Qi Xiaotian any favors...I've given my thoughts about this in other posts, but a quick summary is that even though Monkie Kid appears to have veered away sharply from the interpretation of the Six-Eared Macaque as a living manifestation of SWK's worst aspects and made him more of an independent character, his ongoing violent obsession with the Monkey King still means he has basically 0% traits or things in his life that aren't defined by SWK in some form or another. Everything from his apparent goals to his artistic expression is focused on the Monkey King, and given how thoroughly he hates him in the show's present well that is not a good situation for anyone to be in. In regards to SWK himself, the decision to give his and LEMH's relationship more importance through pushing the sun and moon allegory also has been a pretty big part in the presentation of the Monkey King as a worse and worse of a person. Because in Monkie Kid LEMH was originally introduced as an antagonist, but the route that's been chosen partially to make him more sympathetic was to repeatedly frame SWK as a betraying power-hungry bastard, just like LEMH claimed in his shadow puppet play. So now it's like we started with an image of SWK as genuinely heroic, but as he keeps making disastrous calls in the present and and information about his past comes out it's like him as a sun wasn't so much about providing life-giving warmth as it was about blinding and burning everyone around him, with the show itself being like "psych! turns out SWK lies all the time. psych! his plan to stop the Lady Bone Demon was indeed hot garbage. psych! actually all he ever does is hurt those who loved and trusted him. psych! it's been hinted that even Qi Xiaotian in his deepest and darkest truths is now convinced that SWK is nothing but an agent of chaos & destruction & he's terrified he'll turn out just like him." And then of course Qi Xiaotian is there having been repeatedly traumatized not just by the main big bads but also by LEMH repeatedly beating him up and also by the disastrous consequences of SWK's carelessness & bad judgment. So. Lmao.

Now of course I need to note that there's still a lot of unanswered questions about what precisely happened in the past from SWK's perspective, whose answers may indeed help clear up this toxic morass that is the current dynamic between SWK, LEMH, and Qi Xiaotian. And chances are good I'm forgetting more positive stuff or making the context appear worse than it actually is. Even so, I think you can point to the "the hero and the warrior were like the sun and the moon" as being one of the main starting points for the "SWK actually sucks and LEMH is the main victim of his terribleness" thesis that seems pretty popular in fandom and increasingly in canon. Again, I might just be carrying too much of a negative nancy pessimism about all of this, and of course it must be acknowledged that the overall situation is more complicated, but at least to me as it currently stands the sun and moon allegory seems to have not accomplished much except flip the "good" and "evil" designations between SWK and LEMH (X_X)