#to already be losing one of our dogs to cancer to having to say goodbye to Nuka because he also had cancer and we didn't know

[deathbypufferfish]

If anyone is wondering my sweet boy, Eko has been doing well. 💗 He still has his energy and silly self and has been getting everything he wants.

[doberbutts]

Also just because I've been getting some harassing anons and replies on my post ever since that one self-identified Zionist blog got BIG MAD at me for posting the Palestinian flag (ironic considering like 3 days later when I reblogged something Jewish I had people then BIG MAD at me for that too.......)

Skoll, I took on knowing I would probably have to euthanize him for his aggression. From the very beginning the deal was that I was his last stop since he was a known abuse court case dog who was taken from his most recent owners and languishing in a kennel environment but deemed otherwise unadoptable due to severe aggression. The agreement was that I would have him for however long it would take to determine if he was fixable and then either I'd fix it and keep him or I'd euthanize. He bit me three separate times when we were still learning each other, and then attacked me randomly for the crime of petting his head, an act of affection he normally would approach me to request. I euthanized him at the advice of literally everyone involved with his case, and a few days after I euthanized him I got a letter from the state telling me either I put him down or animal control would take him and do it themselves. Pennsylvania is very strict on what they consider a mauling or a maiming and the resulting bite from his attack was very severe. I have had multiple people, including vets, neurologists, and behaviorists, tell me that they think he had rage, a seizure disorder which causes uncontrollable aggression, when I describe what his random bouts of attempting to attack literally the first thing he locked eyes on looked like.

Tiki, I rescued because I wanted a tiny dog and a dog that would live longer than a doberman, because dobe lifespans are hideously short due to their health problems. Within about 5 minutes of driving away with her, I realized she was very, very sick. We stopped at the vet before we even got her home. Over the next several months and constant ER visits we discovered she had hydrocephalus and also an immune condition that was slowly eating her lungs. She crashed during a procedure that was supposed to be our last attempt at fixing the lung problem as by then we knew the hydrocephalus would kill her anyway and we were trying to extend her life as long as possible. I dropped her off for the procedure, they called me on my way home, and I turned around so I could be there to say goodbye.

Creed died from cancer 🤷‍♂️ mast cell cancer is THE most common cancer in dogs as a species and it's a genuine coin toss if removing the initial tumor fixes it or if it's too late by the time you notice, because it forms on scar tissue so it hides by looking like a regular scar. Creed had a bunch of nicks and scrapes from running around in the woods on our hikes. One of the earliest scars he ever got is what killed him in the end. Losing him is what turned my blog from what it used to be, all dogs all the time, to what it is now. Ironically, he lived roughly the average lifespan for a doberman at 7.5 years old.

Phoebe, I was not involved in the decision to euthanize her. She came to me once again very sick, and I did my best to fix the problem, but it seemed to be a lot bigger than me or her other owner had expected. Her other owner took her to multiple specialists more local to her, and finally we came to a tentative diagnosis of a liver shunt. Her condition degraded rapidly and she went blind and began having seizures, and her other owner made the choice to say goodbye. Surgery was not an option due to her already bad condition not being certain she would actually survive anesthesia. I knew that she was not doing well, but I was not informed that she had died until several months later, despite my asking for updates because I suspected she'd passed. I don't disagree with the choice, I just wish I'd known when it happened. What we thought was just a chronic hookworm infestation and possible pancreatitus from the long-term damage from the hookworms turned out to be much more serious, and deadly, when it stopped responding to treatment.

If you have any questions on my capability as a dog owner to actually keep dogs alive, I'd like to direct you to the fact that Creed and my other actually-purchased-from-a-breeder dogs have lived good long lives. I keep getting sick dogs in rescue despite being told they are healthy, and that is exactly why I refuse to rescue dogs anymore. I'm tired of breaking my heart while cleaning up a problem someone else created. This is the part of rescue that doesn't get shared- what happens when someone loses the rescue lottery again and again and again with sick and mentally unwell dogs that are doomed to die before they've had a chance to truly live? I'm tired of being that someone. I'm tired of loving dogs and hemorrhaging money in a desperate attempt to fix them and feeling the weight of their bodies in my arms when that wasn't enough and they die anyway.

At least I can say Creed had a good fulfilled life as my constant companion, even if he didn't live nearly long enough compared to what I wanted.

[ladyceej]

Reblog to Help with an Urgent Request

I know the world sucks right now, and I actually feel guilty for thinking that being super stressed about my parents is urgent, but I'm not sure what I'll do if I lose one of them, and I wasn't there for them. https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-familys-urgent-move-to-oregon

That there link is a link to a gofundme, for me, to drive my animals across Canada and down to Oregon. Because one of my animals is an elderly Ewe, I don't have any other options for transport. I did think I could get her on a plane, but she is too big for a 500 crate and that is the limit the airlines will let her be. Body of the gofundme discription: I am trying to move my family out of Alaska to take care of my parents down in Oregon. Both my parents are going through cancer treatments, and my father is having a rougher go with it than my mother. I would like to move closer to them so not only will they have myself and my spouse closer to them in case of the worst scenario of losing them both (which it hopefully won't come to), but to also help them as neither can do as much as they use to in home maintenance, and whatnot. I need to be there for them and I'm thousands of miles away. It's starting to seem that it doesn't matter how much overtime I take, my paychecks don't allow me to save past paying monthly bills. The main thing I need help with on moving, are my elderly animals and transportation.

My vehicle will need repairs before I can drive it down the Al/Can highway. I will need to add a tow bar to the back of it. I will need a small livestock trailer to transport my elderly ewe. To cross over Canada, they will all need health certificates from the vet. Lastly, I will need some travel crates for my dogs/cat. I've done most of my pricing from Facebook Market Place and Craigslist to do most of this 2nd hand.

I'm just very stressed and worried about my parents and how I can't seem to get any closer to this goal of moving. They had already built a place for the sheep in the past when we first talked about moving closer. Once there, I'll find new employment, and live with my parents, helping with their bills, but being able to save to hire movers to bring my belongings from storage down to Oregon. I just need help to get my family down there.

I've shared photos of my Dad from 2019 compared to photos of him now with close friends (I don't think he'd appreciate me sharing them on a reblogable public tumblr) and he's lost about 150 pounds, most of that in just the past year. But what I can share, is pictures of said animals.

This is Salt. She is 9 and has been a little lonely since our Ram, Dr. Livingston, passed away. She is the main reason this is such an expense. I'm not willing to give her to another person/farm that will likely turn her to mutton. I've had her since she was a lamb and we love her dearly.

Here are the Doggos, Diego (14), Romeo (13) and Pepper (11). They're all up there in age, and will need health certificates and their regular vet check ups. I also plan on getting them hard sided crates from facebook market place or craigslist so they have some privacy on the way down. Diego is special needs, and prefers to be left alone. Romeo has a history of singing along with the radio, so I think he'd be the biggest stresser for Diego and also for the last passenger:

Pumpkin is an 18 year old kitty. (Black cat in 2nd picture is Salem, who is no longer with us, I just really love that picture of them snuggling) She's a little grumpy and doesn't get along with Romeo and Pepper all that well. She ignores Diego and just tolerates the other two. She does get along pretty well with Salt though. So please pass this along. I really hope to get to my parents so I can help them out and hopefully not have to say goodbye over the phone.

[benchonaquest]

I’m STILL Here by John Wall

I was this close to taking my own life.

That’s a hard thing to tell the world. But if you can say one thing about me, it’s that I’ve always been real, and that’s not going to change today. I can’t sugarcoat it. The truth is … two years ago, I was in a really dark place and I just couldn’t see a way out. And I know that probably sounds crazy to some people. I already know the kind of comments I’m gonna get. “Bro, how the hell can you have all that money and be depressed? You’re John Wall.” Listen, I know exactly who I am. I’m a dog. I been knocked down and got up off the canvas 100 times. From a skinny little kid growing up in Section 8 in Raleigh to the No. 1 pick — all the ups and downs and the sh*t I’ve seen? I know exactly who I am, and what I represent, and how many people need to hear this. So I’m not afraid to tell you that I've been in a place that was so dark that suicide felt like the only option. I mean, we’re not supposed to even say the word right?? It’s almost like a taboo, especially in the community I come from. Well, I’ll speak on it. For me, it all happened really fast. In the span of three years, I went from being on top of the world to losing damn near everything I ever cared about. In 2017, I’m jumping up on the announcer’s table in D.C. after forcing Game 7 against Boston, and I’m the king of the city. I’m getting a max extension, thinking I’m a Wizard for life. A year later, I tore my Achilles and lost the only sanctuary I’ve ever known — the game of basketball. I ended up with such a bad infection from the surgeries that I nearly had to have my foot amputated. A year later, I lost my best friend in the whole world, my mom, to breast cancer. And you have to understand, when I say I lost my best friend, I’m not exaggerating. I had two nicknames growing up. “Crazy J,” because I was crazy as hell. Ha. I used to literally do anything the homies dared me to do. They had me jumping off roofs into bushes like it’s Jackass. And then my other nickname was “Momma’s Boy,” and you already know why. My dad had been in jail since I was one, and he died of liver cancer when I was 9 years old. They let him out just to say goodbye. I can still see him in that dope 84 Randy Moss Vikings jersey, the last day I ever got with him. To this day, I don’t even like going to the beach, because that was our first and last trip as a family. My older brother was locked up, too. So my mom was my whole world. She would work three jobs just to keep our lights on. (And some months, those lights were definitely cutting off, if we needed that money for AAU tournaments.) I wasn’t a Foot Locker kid. Everything we got was from the flea market. I was the kid who showed up to basketball practice in some And1s from the clearance rack at Shoe Carnival. I was the kid with the anger issues. The kid who was always acting up. But damn if my mom didn’t love me, man. She used to drive me 45 minutes to my elementary school and wait out in the parking lot because she knew there was a 50% chance I was gonna get kicked out for acting up to the teachers. I used to come walking out to the car with my hands in the air like they’d called a bad foul. I’d be saying, “I don’t know what I did…. Yo, these teachers acting crazy.” Hahaha. She would just sit there shaking her head like, “See? This is why I don’t drive home.”

"Money and fame don’t mean sh*t if you don’t have peace in your life."  -- John Wall

When I look at my youngest son, and the way he be sticking his bottom lip out and smirking, I’m like: Damn. That’s just like my mom. A little piece of her is still here. When my older son comes running into the room to jump up on me like, “Raaaahhhhh!!!!! My daddy JOHNWALLLLLLL!!!!!!!” That’s my purpose now. And I know y’all heard me say it not too long ago, when I was playing pickup with PG and them…. “I’m BACK.” And it’s true. I am back. But it’s also something way, way deeper. It’s bigger than basketball, what I’m talking about. It’s LIFE, right?? I’ve been through some of the darkest times you can imagine … and yo…. I’m still here. — John Wall

Source: https://signature.theplayerstribune.com/john-wall-nba-basketball-los-angeles-clippers/p/1

[stars-are-just-ghosts]

Everyone says they have the best dog. Everyone is right. But this dog in particular...

This dog saved my daughter. In fact, he saved all of us. I always thought we'd rescued him first. But the truth turned out to be much deeper than that.

When my daughter was six years old, she had severe night terrors for two and a half months straight. It was night after night of uncontrollable fear, screaming, and even lashing out. No one knew what to do. None of us were sleeping. We tried everything we could think of to help her. I felt like an absolute failure of a mom that I couldn't make things better for her. I was heartbroken and angry and lost. Then a little poodle named Smokie came into our lives.

We weren't looking for a dog. We already had one. But he needed our help, and it turns out we needed him even more. The moment he walked in the house, he caught sight of my daughter and it was as though he knew she needed him. He never left her side. He became her shadow and her shield and her best friend overnight. And within a week, the night terrors were gone. My daughter was healing. And I remember sitting on the edge of her bed while crying, Smokie and I looking at each other, just listening to my daughter's quiet sleeping. And I swear, he could feel how grateful I was.

For the rest of his life, this quiet, humble, gentle soul shared his love with us unconditionally. He helped us through loss and anger, through broken hearts and broken bones. He shared in our joy and our closeness and our chicken nuggets. He became the shadow we expected to see everywhere my daughter happened to be, while still managing to get some serious cuddles in with the rest of us.

He watched my daughter grow up, find her strength through severe anxiety, learn her passions, and witness her evolution into a beautiful young woman with an even more beautiful heart. She's now 18 years old, working full time in a job she loves, one where she helps people. And he got to see her find that joy.

But time and life will often remind us of painful truths, especially when we're not ready...

Smokie had a heart murmur, and at fifteen years old, he was diagnosed with cancer. He knew it was time for him to go. He'd done all he could for us... For her. And he had lived with such grace, gentleness, and dignity that it was no surprise he would leave this world the same way. He was ready, and he wanted us to know.

There was not a moment he whimpered, not a second he barked or whined. All he wanted was to be close to the girl he loved, the girl who loved him more than anything else in her world.

And under the shade of an apple tree, wrapped in his favorite blanket, in the arms of his girl, he took his final breaths.

And for the first time in thirteen years, I heard my daughter wail in terror and grief and fear in a way she had not sounded since she was six years old. She held him close and cried beyond crying. I heard the pieces of her heart tear out of her chest, as though she had to make sure he took some piece of herself with him.

Sometimes people wonder what a dog can teach anyone about love.

The picture above this line is now my answer.

I'd like you to look at that picture. Really look.

Losing Smokie was a blow I'm still wrapping my head around. He wasn't just a dog to us. And certainly not to my daughter. He was her best friend, her constant companion, her hero and her comfort and... well, he was her everything. Witnessing her having to say goodbye to a literal piece of herself, a part she'll never get back, shattered my own heart.

I know heartbreak. I've experienced it, I've seen it... That soul-crushing implosion of hurt and pain and piercing anger that takes a person's heart and breaks it down into minuscule pieces that never get put back together quite right. But seeing it in my child?

I don't think I could ever describe how close these two were. It's not a picture that words can paint. The bond they had was otherworldly. The love they had was unshakable. And to lose that? To have to say goodbye to someone who had saved her over and over, who had only ever wanted a full belly and cuddles and warmth in return? To lose her best friend, her constant companion, her safety on four legs?

I would have given anything to take that pain from her. I know I can't protect the kids from these losses. And I've tried to teach them that no matter how hard it is to lose what we love so much, the pain is worth it in the end. Because we get to keep those memories, those little joys, the love that we were gifted. And Smokie gifted his love unconditionally, especially to my girl.

And this picture... this is the other part of his gift.

This was right after we'd gotten back from his last moments. And Abbie was in a state of quiet, numb grief. And those three brothers of hers without thought or question took her in their arms and held on. In silence, in love, with no expectations or demands, no hurry for the pain to end. They held on to her knowing that it couldn't possibly make things better, but they were there in every way. She could yell, she could scream, she could rage and cry and wail. And they would have held on through every moment, to let her feel it, to show her she wasn't alone in it, to give her the sort of love that Smokie had taught to all of them.

From our animals, we have learned compassion and kindness. We have learned to care for those without voices, and to find joy in the smallest of moments. We have learned that pain is more bearable with something or someone to hold on to. We have learned that pain is a part of life, as is loss, as is grief. We have learned that, as impossible as it seems, we have to carry it with us. To live with it inside our bones. And that, eventually, it will be more like a friend than an ache. And we've learned that we get there by feeling every awful moment... with others.

We let those we're closest to love us through the worst of it, we let ourselves be vulnerable and weak while they hold us up. We let them help pick up all those minuscule pieces that our hearts are made up of, and we sit together with it all, putting the parts back a little at a time.

Someday, my daughter will look back at this picture and smile. She'll remember the pain, of course. She'll remember the gravity of that loss pulling her under. But she'll also remember the pull of the people who love her keeping her upright. She'll remember the gift that this moment was. She'll remember that Smokie helped teach all of them how to love like this.

She'll teach that love to others. She'll share it freely, just like they all do.

That's really the greatest part of Smokie's gift. That it never ends.

If you've ever wondered what a dog can teach a person about love, it's in that picture above.

Love changes shape, but it never ends.

And no matter the loss, it is always a gift...

One I couldn't be more grateful for.

(Thank you, Smokie, for saving my little girl. You will always be our hero.)

[annakie]

Patchy

A little under two years ago I made this post, a chronicle of Patchy, the outside feral, turned inside kitty who took ten years to learn to love being petted.

Today we got some bad news.

TW for pet illness under the cut.

Patchy’s always been a bit of a puker, usually oh, say, once a month or so she’d have a good puke for no reason.  I’ve had other cats that are pukers so it’s not that surprising.

In the late winter/early spring I started to notice more frequent pukes.

I’d decided around that time that I needed to find healthier food for my cats, with Leela, the oldest turning 16, Fry turning 11, Pemily turning 7 and Patchy turning, I don’t know, 12 or 13.  No way to really know.  They already got decent food, but I did my research and had started looking at Blue Buffalo, American Journey and Dave’s canned food. 

Patchy had been on a mostly canned food diet since she went to the vet back in early 2020 and had a bunch of teeth pulled.  Also, as a note, Patchy’s brief flirtation with hanging out in the rest of the house ended after like a month.  She and Fry fought too much, and eventually he claimed the rest of the house is his.  He also still thinks the master bedroom should be his, but, Patchy defends that territory well if anyone else encroaches. (The door just stays closed most of the time.)  I really wish they could have all gotten along, I loved having Patchy out, but both Fry and Patchy agreed it wasn’t going to work.

The food she’d been on was pretty junk-food-ish though, which she did love and eat. But I wanted everyone on more or less the same diet and the highest quality food I could readily get them.  So I bought a lot of cans of different kinds of food, and kept a list of which ones seemed to be hits and misses. (I still have a dozen cans of the kind nobody liked -- Blue Buffalo Wilderness Salmon -- I’ve been meaning to take to the city shelter).

Around halfway into this experiment I noticed Patchy puking more, so I decided to try to stick with her favorite kinds, which, I thought was helping.

But once I was fully vaccinated this year, it was time to get all the pets to the vet.  I noticed Patchy had still lost some weight, I thought it was due to switching around her food too much earlier, and tried to stick with the things I felt she really liked.

Then, of course, Leela got sick, spent two and a half days in the pet ER and almost died back in April, and then it was like... yeah we’re done being afraid of COVID, we’re done waiting.  It’s time to get them all their checkups.

My regular vet was doing COVID restrictions so no pet owners inside the clinic back then, so they took Patchy (and the others) in without me.  I thought Patchy had lost some weight, but Dr. B. sounded alarmed when he called me with how much lost she’d lost in the last year, about five pounds.  He wanted to do some bloodwork for Patchy, and I said of course go for it.  

He called back, sounding much calmer and was like “her bloodwork couldn’t be more perfect.  Let’s try switching up her food, get her on some sensitive stomach food and let’s see how she’s doing in a couple weeks.”

So two weeks later it did seem like she was doing better, I called Dr. B back and he said to bring her back in a month.

It was my plan to take her back next week when I had some PTO coming.  I admit, later than planned... my last couple of months have been mucn more focused on Leela... who, thankfully, continues to thrive.  But feeling like my time with her is running out, she’s been my main area of concern.

The last few days though, Patchy has really not been eating well.  Sometimes she does OK, sometimes nothing at all.  And then puking every day.  I swapped her back even to a few cans of the Junk Food (Whiskas) I still had laying around.  She’d eat it... and then puke it up.  And also she... stopped sleeping with me.  I thought... well, it’s summer.  It’s probably too hot to cuddle.  But she stopped laying on the bed.  She stopped coming up for pets when I come to bed and hang out for awhile specifically to spend time with her and pet her.  She runs under the bed again when I come into the room.  It’s like we regressed to three or four years ago... just two weeks after our two year anniversary of getting to pet her.

So this afternoon we went to the vet.  Getting her into the carrier sucked.  I tried nice methods, then I had to scare her into the closet by running the vacuum, and then pretty roughly grab her.  I have scratches and a pretty deep bite on my thumb which either maybe hit a nerve or is infected, may have to go to the doctor for it tomorrow. (Yes, washed it thoroughly with soap as soon as I could.)  I also hated betraying her trust that badly, but it’s for her own good.  But it was rough.

Dr B. wasn’t working so I saw one of the other vets.  I liked him. Also COVID restrictions are gone so I got to go inside. But after talking to him for a few minutes, going over her history and what changes I’ve made, he spent a long time rubbing her intestines (Patchy was perfectly behaved, at least.)   Then he looked concerned.  Then he said let’s do an ultrasound.

A few minutes he came back in and showed me her scans. 

Lymphoma.

I was a bit stunned for a second so I missed a bit of the technical speak he said next, but it came down to the best thing we could do is give her some medicine that may buy her more time.  It doesn’t sound like Chemo or Operating is even really an option.  I’m going to call back tomorrow and see if Dr. B or the vet I talked to can talk me through it a little better now that I’ve had a chance to digest.

If I can get Patchy to take the medicine, and if she responds well to it... she may have 3 - 6 months left.

If she won’t take it, or if she doesn’t respond, it’s at this point, a matter of her comfort and quality of life.  So... weeks.  And I’m worried about getting her to take the medicine, especially since she won’t even come let me pet her and we just had a huge trust betrayal today. I don’t know if I could take her spending her last few weeks hating me, especially if the medicine doesn’t work.

The vet also told me that... I didn’t do anything wrong.  And we did the right thing six or so weeks ago by changing her food and seeing if a few other things worked. Especially with how good her blookwork looked.  He barely felt the cancer today, he said six weeks ago Dr. B wouldn’t have been able to feel it at all.  And for this particular type of lymphoma... there’s not a lot to be done, anyway.  That made me feel better, at least.

(As a really dumb side note, after I got her home, I sat down to eat dinner and watch an episode of Star Trek to take my mind off of all of this since I’d been crying since I found out, paid my bill, and drove home, stopping at a drive through so I didn’t have the mental load of cooking.  And I’m in the middle of my rewatch of Enterprise.  I bet any trekkies reading this can guess what episode was next in my rewatch because yep I’m in season two and A NIGHT IN SICKBAY started playing, of course, so obviously I NOPED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT EPISODE.  For the non-Trekkies.... the Captain has a dog on board, an adorable beagle, Porthos.  The dog gets sick and almost dies and spends his night in Sickbay.  He does pull through.  But the ONE episode centered around a beloved pet getting sick and almost dying... and that’s the episode that fate decreed I was supposed to watch tonight. I did not.  I don’t know if I can watch it anytime soon.)

So now for the next few weeks I will spend my time being grateful that Leela is alive and thriving and pray she keeps doing so -- I will continue to give her extra love and care and attention, and also I will need to do the same for Patchy.  I can’t even do it at the same time because Patchy will not come out here, and will not allow Leela in her room. 

I am low-key freaking out that there’s the possibility of the nightmare scenario happening to me again.  In winter 2016, after months of being sick, I woke up on Christmas morning and my 16-year-old cat Jim had died overnight.  It was terrible, and traumatic, and I had to deal with everything all alone because anyone who could support me was... well, it was Christmas morning and my family was all out of town, too.  Posting about it on Tumblr... actually really helped me, since it’s the only place I felt like I could talk about it.

That Christmas was on a Sunday.

Wednesday morning I woke up to hearing my dog, Cebu, moaning in pain.   I rushed him to the vet, but whatever happened overnight, it was too late, maybe there wasn’t anything we ever could have done even if I’d been awake when the puking started.  The vet said the kindest thing we could do was put him to sleep.  And we did.

Also I just, JUST now realized that the vet who helped put Cebu to sleep was the same vet who I saw today about Patchy.

But I lost two of my pets within 3 days of each other.  I was very lucky that my job let us have the week between Christmas and New Years off that year.  I had a few days to pull myself together, and I needed it.  It took months to recover totally, though.  Every once in awhile I think about that week and I still cry, though.  I miss them both so much and they both had deaths that were less than ideal.

I remember thinking then “I have like, five years of reprive.  Leela will be sixteen in five years, and that’s when I have to start to worry again, when I have to be ready to say goodbye again.”

I thought then that even after that I’d have two or three years until Patchy would leave me, and two or three years past that until Fry.  And then five more years with Pemily.

Right now I’m realizing that I will likely lose Patchy, very best case in six months, but possibly before July is over.

I need Leela to keep thriving.  I don’t know how I would handle losing another two so close together again.

Patchy is... she’s the one who chose me.  I chose my other cats.  Fry and Pemily I plucked from the backyard when they were tiny kittens and brought them inside.  They didn’t have a choice.  Leela I adopted from a rescue, she didn’t have a choice.  Patchy chose to stay.  She chose to stick around when she realized I’d feed her.  It took years but she learned to trust, she chose to come inside when it was cold, when it was hot, when it was storming, and when she was pregnant.  She chose me to help raise the last litter of kittens she’d ever had.  (My entire Rescue Kitties tag is full of adventures in finding, raising and usually adopting out strays. Lots and lots of posts about Patchy and her final litter.  Been awhile since I’ve done it, though.)

I used to joke that Patchy was my roommate, not a pet.  She ate, drank, did her business, and kept to herself for a long time.  Don’t get me wrong, she was a very good, quiet, considerate roommate and I loved her.  But it wasn’t until that wonderful day she let me pet her that I felt like she was my pet. 

I loved having her just hanging out living in the house since 2014, but the last two years especially have brought me such joy.  I’ve tried to never take Patchy’s trust in me for granted.  It was EARNED.  Every small step forward was a milestone to be celebrated. I worked for every bit of trust and love Patchy has given me, and have been rewarded.  And it was worth it.  Every minute.  Every long, patient year.

Even now I’m telling myself... without me, she would have died years ago.  Probably violently, or starved, maybe frozen to death.  Getting to die of cancer brought on by older age is not something that most feral cats ever get to do.  Getting to become an inside kitty where she’s loved, and comfortable for the second half of her life was something remarkable, brought on by her wiles and will to survive for so many years, bolstered by the food I left out for her.  She’s had this much time, this much life, this much comfort and love that she would have never had otherwise, and that’s something to be happy about.

I’ve watched dozens of ferals come and go through my neighborhood throughout the years.  I feed them, I work on seeing if I can get them to trust me enough to let me TNR them, but even those that I have, I don’t keep seeing for much longer.  There’s one right now, I jokingly call him Patchy’s Boyfriend.  He still won’t trust me and never has fallen for the trap when I’ve tried.  But he’s there most nights when I feed him around 11.  He’s getting terribly thin despite the quality food I leave out.  I’ll miss him.

But none of them were Patchy.  None of them became what she is to me. None of them survived long enough to adapt and decide to live another life.

Also?  I wouldn’t have Pemily without her.  Pemily is literally Patchy’s Granddaughter and that is one more thing I love Patchy for.

I feel guilty sometimes, both because I don’t spend nearly enough waking hours with her I feel, but I have three others who need me, as well. One who’s time is growing short, as well.  And they don’t get to sleep with me, she does.  What a joy it was all winter when I would wake up and she’d be sleeping on my chest.  I’d get a bit annoyed when she’d sleep with her backside to my face and her tail would tickle my face and wake me up.  I’m a side-sleeper half the night and she hated that it was harder to get comfortable on me that way.  She still doesn’t want to have my hand just stay on her, she wants pets and skirtches, no long-form touching.  That’s ok.  I sleep better with her weight on me.

I don’t know what the next few weeks or months will hold, but at least pet-wise, it’s going to be rough.  I’m going to wrap this up and give these three out here a good pet, then go hope Patchy comes and asks for love, too.  Tomorrow is one more day with all four of them, and for that, I’ll be grateful, for every remaining day.

[stydiaeverafter]

She spotted a way into our hearts

Pairing: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Characters: TK Strand, Carlos Reyes, Owen Strand, Judd Ryder, Paul Strickland, Marjan Marwani, Mateo Chavez. 

Tags: animals, mentions of cancer, family feels, fluff, established relationship. 

Words: 2K | Rating: G | On AO3

Summary: TK didn’t know how it happened. One moment he was out on a crazy call putting a fire out, and the next moment he was returning back to Firehouse 126 with a Dalmatian.

When I found out there was going to be a dog on 911 Lone Star, I immediately got excited. If you haven't noticed, I love writing animals into my fics. This will be my own adaptation of how the story will go with the dog.

My good friend Stef inspired this idea and helped me out with it, so thank you, hun!! I appreciate it. I'm always inspired by your passion for writing and your strength! This fic is for you: @bellakitse  Thanks as always to my Junkyard Family for their support and love! Ya'll are the best! 

She spotted a way into our hearts

TK didn’t know how it happened. One moment he was out on a crazy call putting a fire out, and the next moment he was returning back to Firehouse 126 with a Dalmatian.

“A dog?” his father questioned with a raised brow, “Did you even put out the fire?”

“Yes, of course. I did in record speed too, I might add,” TK replied. “But the dog just sort of followed me around.”

Owen laughed in the way he did, which didn’t involve much humor, “And you thought ‘hey, why not take someone’s dog home with me?’”

“I asked around, they said it was a stray. Every time they tried to take it to the shelter, it would run and hide. It wouldn’t get up close to anyone. Really timid they said. But she wasn’t like that with me.” He looked down at the dog. “Clearly.”

“Hmmm…” The Captain looked around at the others that had been on the scene with TK, “Is this true?”

“Sure is, Cap,” Mateo replied with a cheesy grin. It was clear he already loved the dog. He was an adorable puppy himself practically jumping up and down.

“So what exactly are you saying here, TK?” His father asked as he looked down at the Dalmatian who was now lying down next to their firetruck.

TK winked, “I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“We’re not adopting a firehouse dog. I’m sorry, but no. We have so many other obligations and things to do. How can we add this dog to the list as well?” He paused and gave the Dad Look, “You couldn’t even keep a goldfish alive when you were younger. Lasted what, two days?”

“Three actually, and it was not my fault. I thought Goldie would like to watch tv next to me and eat chips. If anything, I was being a good big brother.”

Owen ignored his humor and turned to walk away. TK decided to say it, “The dog might be sick. Might not have much time left….”

This stopped Owen in his tracks.

TK knew he had won the argument. The dog was here to stay.

***

The neighbors had told TK that they had thought the dog was sick, because of how it was acting. Sure enough, the dog had cancer. Broke each one of their hearts when they found out. TK knew that his father was even more bonded to the dog now, even though he would never admit to it. The doctors were going to operate on the tumor, but they were hopeful; to everyone’s happiness.

Life with the dog meant something a little different to everyone.

Owen tried to act like he didn’t care too much, but he always left his door wide open and TK observed that one day there was a nice big fleece bed in there for the dog. His father said it was nothing; TK knew otherwise.

Mateo would be silly with the dog and they’d play around in the water coming from the hose. It was actually a very sweet sight to see. Childlike and innocent.

Paul and Marjan had a new workout buddy. Sometimes the dog would put her paw on their stomachs when they were trying to do sit-ups, or nudge to the weight they were contemplating trying to do.

Judd was indifferent at first. TK knew that to be Judd though. He was always hesitant to let someone new into his life; the man had been through a lot after all, and TK assumed he was scared of losing her to the disease.

However, over time something beautiful between them developed. TK hadn’t meant to walk by the kitchen late one night, but as he did he heard crying. Judd was sitting on the floor by the refrigerator. His tears were falling right on the dog’s head, which she didn’t seem to mind. She just rested her head on his lap. It was touching to witness, and TK quietly went back up to bed.

When Michelle would visit the house, she always brought a special treat for her and gave her a few snuggles before going on her way.

Everyone seemed attached in one way or the other.

The funny thing about the dog was, it didn’t seem all that close to TK, nor interested… yet he was the one who had found her. And she was the one who had followed him around like a love-sick puppy. Yet, she spent her time with all the others. TK didn’t understand it.

One day Carlos unexpectedly stopped by 126. The police were trying to work out a case on what could’ve been motive for someone starting a fire. So Carlos was trying to get all the information he could from them.

He didn’t often visit him at work, so TK couldn’t help his heart starting to beat faster when they made eye contact from across the room.

After some time, Carlos was making his way over to talk to TK when all of a sudden, the dog went bounding over to his man.

Carlos bent over, “Well hello there, mi amor!” He looked back up at TK, “You got a dog? You didn’t tell me that!”

“Long story... She’s a favorite around here. Even though she seems to not love me too much.”

“That couldn’t possibly be true, now could it, Peca?”

“Peca?”

“It means freckle in Spanish,” Carlos replied as he rubbed the dog’s spotted ears. She seemed so content and happy. It must be Carlos’ magic touch.

TK smiled down at Carlos, “I like that. Peca. It suits her.” He looked up and called out to his team, “Just wanted to let everyone know, our dog’s name is now Peca!”

“I love that,” Marjan yelled from her yoga mat.

“Absolutely,” Mateo answered; Paul nodding from behind him with a thumbs-up.

Carlos laughed, “Well I’m glad I could help out.”

“You always do,” TK assured him, rubbing his hand softly.

Carlos grabbed his hand tightly and bit his lip, “You told me that same thing last night.”

“Hey! Not in front of Peca.”

His boy just shrugged with that beautiful smile of his, “So she’s here to stay?”

“Yea, but she’s a bit sick. Has cancer.” When Carlos’ face fell, TK shook his head reassuringly, “No, she’s a fighter, babe. She’s here for the long haul.”

“I’ll bet my badge on that!”

***

The day of the surgery came faster than TK had anticipated. In just a short time, they’d all become extremely attached. Even though Peca seemed to still be a little withdrawn from TK, she seemed comfortable and happy at Firehouse 126.

They were all there waiting in the waiting room at the local Austin Animal Hospital. They were whispering stories about things Peca had done that had made them laugh, a smile plastered to every one of their faces. But TK could feel the tension in that small room.

He wished Carlos could’ve been there. But his boyfriend had been on a call of his own and unfortunately couldn’t make it. Carlos was like the tether that always kept him grounded, and TK could feel the anxiety spiking within him.

TK felt like they were all holding their breath. Every time the doors would open, they would all look startled looking up quickly.

TK didn’t want to imagine hearing the worst from the doctor. He didn’t know if his heart could take anymore. He was already on edge with father; he didn’t want to say goodbye to her. It hit too close to home.

For all of them.

He looked around at his brothers and sister. These people had all touched his life in such a short time, just like Peca had. He was so grateful to each one of them.

Peca had only brought them together even closer.

When doors opened, TK quickly looked up. But it wasn’t the veterinarian. It was Carlos.

“Baby!” TK said with a small smile as he quickly stood up, “What are you doing here?”

“We got done with the call, and I wanted to be here for our girl.” Yes, she was just as much Carlos’ girl as the rest of theirs. She loved Carlos probably the most. Just like TK did. The man was easy to love. They hugged for a long moment, then Carlos pulled away, “Any word?”

“Not yet,” TK replied, holding on to Carlos’ strong hand.

“She’s a fighter, don’t you forget it.”

“You bet your badge on it,” TK reminded him with a wink.

“Exactly.”

This time when the doors opened, it was the doctor. They all formed a circle around him.

It felt like waiting forever, but then he spoke, “Peca is going to be just fine.”

They all exhaled loudly and started hugging each other. TK couldn’t help the tears forming in his eyes. Carlos rubbed his back softly.

“I got the tumors out successfully. She is as healthy as a horse otherwise. We’ll need to see her for routine check-ups, but I think the worst is behind us.” The doctor looked around, “She’s still slowly coming to. Maybe one of you could come to sit in there with her. I don’t want her to get startled.”

And wouldn’t you know it, they all looked at him. “Who me? She doesn’t even care for me.”

“She followed you that day, TK. Peca obviously did that for a reason, brother,” Paul replied with a reassuring shrug.

His father nodded, “Go on, son.”

For some reason, they knew he needed this moment with her.

TK started walking and looked back to see Carlos looking at him with a look of incredible love. He was so lucky to have someone like Carlos in his messed up life.

He walked down the white long hallway into a small animal recovery room. Everything smelled too sterile for TK’s liking. Reminded him of the times he woke up in the hospital. Not something he wanted to remember at that moment.

And there she was. Peca. She seemed so small on the large table. He felt a bit awkward as he bent down over the bed. A nurse brought him a stool to sit on and he wanted to kick himself for looking stupid as he hesitated.

The truth was, maybe he was holding his heart back. Maybe he was the reason Peca didn’t let him in. He wasn’t letting her. Unconsciously of course.

“Hey, girl,” he whispered. “I’m really glad you’re okay.”

He looked towards the door. Maybe this was a mistake. They should’ve let Mateo, Marjan or even Judd into the room over him.

But he turned his focus on her and looked at her breathing slowly. It was almost hypnotic.

Then he let out a deep breath, one he had been holding in for far too long, “It’s not you. It’s me. Yea, I know that’s so cliche to say, but it’s the truth, girl. See, if I’m gonna be honest for a moment, I think you remind me of my dad being sick. And I… see I can’t lose my dad. We’ve been through so much together. Too much.” He looked down as his hands shakily moved to her soft spotted fur. TK stroked slowly, ignoring the annoying tears forming in his eyes. “But hey, maybe you’re the hope I needed. You’re a sign my dad will be alright, too.”

He exhaled sharply again thinking about the last few months and letting the fear in. It nearly knocked him off the stool. “Please be a sign….”

Grace would probably call this a sign from God, but at that exact moment, he felt something wet lick his hand. He looked over and saw Peca staring up at him. She stretched and licked his hand again. “Welcome back, girl.”

She moved closer and rested her head on his other hand as if she wanted to be near him even more. As he rubbed her ears, he felt a moment of peace wash over him like the waves of an ocean. This was what he needed. Exactly what he needed.

***

After that life went back to normal, but then again not really. Peca had changed all their lives for the better.

They all had a connection with the dog in an unspoken way. It was unique and beautiful.

Often she would ride on the firetruck with them; her presence soothing them before they rushed into danger. And she’d be there for the aftermath for cuddles and kisses. She joined them for dinners, especially Sunday night dinners, which had become the real deal. Movie nights and even game nights. Judd insisted she was a good luck charm when they played cards. Whenever you needed her, she was there. She completed the missing part of who they were. And they were there for her, too. They gave her a family. The Fire Fam. She'd never be alone again.

TK had bonded with her the day he had let his guard down; the day he had opened that door completely was the day their bond had started to form. Often he wondered if she was here to teach him a lesson. A lesson of living in the present moment and not taking people or moments, even the hard ones, for granted. And that sometimes we wouldn’t have the answers to the hard questions. Instead, we just live. Life had a funny way of teaching you these things.

These were the thoughts he had as he curled up next to Peca and Carlos in bed. He would often take her home with him; sometimes he just needed it. Tonight was one of those nights. He smiled softly being near to his loved ones.

His heart, like their bed, was full.

[internallydeceased]

What Makes Us Human (I)

So this is a new au that I've been wanting to do for a while now. The diagnosis that Smokey receives is what my dog Mickey was recently diagnosed with in real life. I won't say what it is yet since I haven't revealed it in the story, but it's not good and I've been having to deal with the thought of losing him in the next few years or so. He's only eight. Another reason why I've been MIA is that I've been in one of the worst depressive relapses (including a lot of suicidal thoughts) of my life and his diagnosis hasn't helped any. On top of that I've had this cold for over two months which doesn't help either. (I've been to the doctor, they said I was fine). I was in a vet tech program as well and that was another reason why I wanted to do a vet au, since I was going into the veterinary field (I still might, but at this point in time I can't deal with any of it right now). So this is something that's very close to me and I hope you all enjoy :)

What Makes Us Human

She drove through the streets of Inverness as tears streamed down her face, much like the rain pouring outside. She looked over to the passenger seat where all she saw was a pink tongue lolling out of the black shadow beside her. “It’s going to be okay, baby I promise.” She sobbed, feeling her gut twisting and turning, already fearing the worst. .

Smokey gave her hand a reassuring lick, before returning his attention to the speeding world outside.

3 weeks earlier

“Hey bud, time for breakfast!” Claire muttered absently to the furry black mass laying beside her on the bed, while she ruefully extricated herself from under the security and warmth of the coverlet.

Normally, he would come running at the sound of his kibble being poured into the metallic bowl. Today though, Smokey only raised from his spot on the queen bed to turn around and plop down again in a decidedly more comfortable position.

“Still not feeling good?” Claire let out a small sigh and placed the bowl on the ground next to his water dish. “Well, it’s here whenever you decide you’re hungry.”

Claire went on to make her own breakfast: A piece of buttered toast and the last of the orange juice. She frowned as she looked into her refrigerator, a few half-empty bottles of various liquids were the only thing besides the off-white shelves.

She picked up one of the bottles, opened it and gave it a quick whiff, scrunching her nose at the smell and promptly throwing it in the trash. “Definitely time for more groceries.” Claire shook the liquid off her hands and turned her attention back to her breakfast.

She moved over to the small couch in her living room, conveniently just off the kitchenette of her small-ish flat. She settled in and started going through her phone.

Almost as if the object knew it had her attention, she received a text message.

“What is it now, Geillis.” Claire groaned and rolled her eyes, but opened the message anyway.

Hey doll, I know it’s your day off and I hate to be the one to ask, but could you come in? There was a pile-up on the parkway and we’re a bit short staffed. Could really use the help!  

In usual Geillis fashion she ended the message with the kissing emoji.

Claire let out a deep sigh, getting up from the comfy spot on the couch and took a moment to stretch and hear the satisfying little ‘pops’ of her bones.

After she had gotten ready and was about to head out the door, she noticed Smokey still hadn’t come to eat his breakfast, which wasn’t like him. Claire brushed it off to him just having  another off-day, and went out the door.

***

Her shift was longer than she’d expected, and she was exhausted. She was glad that she decided to bring an extra pair of scrubs, since hers were covered in blood and various other bodily fluids.

***

She closed and locked the door behind her, tossing her keys onto the counter and promptly passed out on her couch.

A few hours later she woke up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and looking at her surroundings. Realizing she wasn’t in her bed she got up and made her way to the small bedroom.

On the way, she noticed that Smokey’s food dish remained untouched.

The poor thing had been sneezing rather often in the past two weeks or so, accompanied by some discharge from his nose which Claire would gently wipe off.

If Smokey were a human patient, she’d chalk it up to just being a cold— maybe a flu. But dogs had no such thing as a cold or a flu, and while her medical knowledge was vast, it didn’t extend into the animal world.

How could she have known it would be something so much more than that?

***

The sneezing seemed to become increasingly more violent as the days went on. Something that racked through his entire body with the force of it. She figured he must have been exhausted.

When the symptoms had neglected to die down as she imagined they would, Claire finally made an appointment at the vet.

Other than the sneezing and the snot, Smokey was behaving normally. He was still a happy-go-lucky dog, eating and drinking normally, no accidents in the flat. It was only until a few days ago that Claire had become increasingly more concerned. Other than the one day he hadn’t eaten and all the aforementioned symptoms, he was fine.

Surely it was just something he had inhaled?

***

The first physical exam resulted in nothing abnormal: heart rate, respiration rate, temperature all normal. No swollen lymph nodes. Nothing to cause alarm. So they put Smokey on some antibiotics hoping that the symptoms would abade.

A week had gone by and the antibiotics had done nothing to alleviate the sneezing and now the occasional cough? It didn’t sound like a cough, but that was the best way she could explain it.

For the second visit, they had Claire drop Smokey off early in the morning and had her pick him up later. They then took radiographs of his skull (under sedation). There was something in his right nostril, but there was no way they could identify what it was with radiographs. They would need to get a clearer picture.

They had spoken to Claire as to the number of things it could be, and ultimately referred her to another clinic for a rhinoscopy.

They didn’t go through with the rhinoscopy, instead Claire and this new vet went over Smokey’s x-rays together after a preliminary exam. They decided the next course of action was to get a CT scan and a biopsy, to which she would have to go to yet another clinic.

“We’ll have to take a CT to figure out exactly what it is, but there is definitely something there.” The young, blonde vet explained to her, going over the X-rays of Smokey’s skull.

“When can we do that?” This new revelation did nothing to alleviate the mounting fear and anxiety rising in her.

“Well, we don’t have a CT machine at this clinic, so we’ll have to set it up at our other location, which isn’t too far from this one.”

Claire let out a long sigh and folded her arms.

“Okay, can we set that up here or do I have to call them?”

“We can set it up right here! We’re the same clinic, just different locations. What’s the best day and time for you?”

“Just try and get him in as soon as you can, please.”

The vet smiled wide, and Claire noticed how it reached her eyes and wished that she could feel the same.

***

The days seemed to drag on as she waited for the results. Cancer was one of the possibilities, and Claire had already run through having to say goodbye in her head.

He was at the vet almost the entire day and he seemed completely out of it that evening when he got home.

Blood and snot leaked from his right nostril, and each time she spotted it she would gently wipe it away. He seemed to have trouble breathing that night, and the few days that followed.

He seemed miserable, and it broke her heart to see him suffer. She was anxious to know the results, hoping that it was nothing major or life-threatening.

But it was.

[layce2015]

Life is Strange 2 (Sean Diaz x Reader)

Chapter 5: Long Road Ahead

Chapter 1 / Chapter 4

The moon was shining high above the ocean, as Mushroom runs across the sand, closely followed by a laughing Daniel. Sean and I watch on while sitting on a nearby rock. "Okay Mushroom, you can chase me. Then Sean and (y/n)." Daniel said to Mushroom. "Uh, no." Sean said as Daniel runs around while laughing. "Come! See if you can catch me..." Daniel exclaims to Mushroom, who bites at Daniel's hand. "Ow! Ha ha..." Daniel laughs as Sean and I continue to watch Daniel and Mushroom play.

"You know...Brody was right." I said to Sean. "About what?" Sean asked me. "There's a difference between alone and lonely. For most of my life, I've always been on my own. Alone. I was never really bothered by being alone. And the weird thing is...when I was around other people, I felt lonely." I replied as Sean looks over at me. "I know...it's weird. But that's just how I felt. Almost everytime I was in a large crowd, I felt I was the odd one out. I felt kinda empty. But on my own, I felt alittle bit better but there was always that nagging lonely feeling. But it wasn't that strong like it was when I'm with other people." I said.

"And...how do you feel when your around us?" Sean asked me, curiously. I smiled as I look him in the eyes and said. "I actually feel like I belong. Almost like one would feel once they come home." Sean and I stare at each other for a few moments while Daniel starts using a stick to lead Mushroom down the beach. "Come on, Mushroom, come on... Look, it's a stick! FETCH!" He exclaims.

I glance over at Daniel for a moment and give a small laugh as Daniel runs around the beach with Mushroom. I look back over to Sean and said. "I know that sounds weird, I mean we just met almost two days ago, but I want to be honest with you, Sean. But if that weirds you out, just let me know and I'll leave. I'll understand." 

Sean's eyes widen at this as he said. "N-no....it's fine actually. I don't mind having you around." A warm smile spreads across my face as Brody comes out of his car. Then he sets his backpack down next to us. "Come on, Mushroom, get that stick!" Daniel shouts as we watch him.

"Looks like these two are getting along. It's good to see him like that." Brody said and Sean nods in agreement. "Well, I got you that room." Brody said. "Seriously?" Sean and I said as we look up at him. "It's only a room, no big deal. Look, I had tough times when I started out...And...some strangers saved my life." Brody said as hands over the motel room key, which Sean accepts. "Thank you..." Sean said as I nod at him. "Yes, thank you. You're a life saver." I said.

"Now's my turn to help someone." Brody said, smiling, then he points towards the motel's upper balconies. "It's right there, Room 10. On the second floor." He said then he looks at Sean. "Listen...I don't want to freak you out, okay? But...you have to be twice as careful now. I know it's easier said than done, but...You should get rid of that phone." He informs. "Okay..." Sean said, in a defeated tone. "You can always get a burner later. Trust me. And Sean?" Brody said as he pats Sean on the back, reassuringly.

"Talk to Daniel. He deserves t--" Brody started to say until Daniel runs over to us. "Brody...You're not leaving...Are you?" He asked Brody. "Yes I am, but...not until Santa Brody gives you a goodbye gift..." Brody said then he reaches down and pulls up the backpack he had set down earlier as Sean, immediately, starts making declining gestures.

"Tada! Err...I mean, ho ho ho!" Brody said as he then looks over at Sean. "And don't you dare argue about it. I'll leave it right here if you do." He said and Sean laughs. "Okay. You win..." he said as Brody hands the backpack over to Sean. "Thanks, Brody..." Sean said to him and I smile at Brody. "You're too good for this world, Brody." I said as Sean takes off his old backpack and puts on Brody's while Daniel watches. "Thank you, (y/n)." Brody said as Sean said. "Feels good..."

Sean picks up his old backpack and hands it towards Daniel. "Here. Looks like it's yours now." He said and Daniel rolls his eyes. "As always..." he grumbles. "Hold on...I didn't forget you. I've had it since my first road trip...and it's always kept me safe." Brody said as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a red bandana, handing it over to Daniel. "Now it's yours..." he said.

"Cool..." Daniel said then he looks down at Mushroom, then back at Brody. "Hmmm... Do you think it's okay if she wears it? Like our official guard dog!" Daniel asked. "Sure...It's...your bandana now." Brody said as Daniel ties the red bandana around Mushroom's neck, then stands up and steps on top of the rock.

"Okay...Time for me to hit the road again." Brody said and my eyes flicker downwards. "Hey, don't look so sad...You can contact me on my blog...A Tribe Called West. So...you better keep me posted when you can...Okay?" He said and we nodded. "We will." I said. "Thanks again, Brody..." Sean said as he shakes Brody's hand, who pulls it into a hug. "Bro-hug!" He said then he goes over to me and we hug each other. "You keep an eye on these boys, okay?" He said. "I will." I said.

Immediately after our hug ends, Daniel leaps off the rock into Brody's arms, who returns the hug before setting him down. "Wish you could stay with us..." said Daniel. "Me too, kid..." Brody said ad they finish their hug and he makes a signing off gesture, then starts heading towards his car. "Sorry, I'll probably think of a better goodbye when I'm on the road, but...until then...Take care, my dudes." He said then gets into his car and starts the engine.

"I'm gonna miss him." Daniel said, sadly, as we wave Brody goodbye. "Me, too..." Sean said as I nod while Brody makes a final parting wave out the window, and his car drives off into the night.

"Okay. Time to hit the sack." Sean said as he pats Daniel's back, then we walk across the road towards the motel. "Don't worry, Mushroom. I got you." Daniel said as he picks up Mushroom then he looks over at us. "Do you guys think it will have Netflix? Or a jacuzzi?" He asked us. "Dude, this is a motel, not an Airbnb." Sean said. "If we're lucky, it'll have cable and a hot shower." I said as we head up the steps and started passing by room 14, where I hear groans, moans and screams of pleasure coming from that room. 

I look over at Sean, who heard the same thing, and both of us had a look of shock. My face was burning up as Daniel said. "Guys...I hear something...like a fight..."

"Um...It's...not a fight." Sean stammers, awkwardly. "Oh yeah? What are they doing? Sounds weird..." Daniel said as we walk away from the door. "It's a TV show." I replied, quickly. "Sounds stupid." Daniel said as we come upon Room 10.

Sean opens the door to our room and lets Daniel and I inside. "Check it out! It even has a bathtub!" Daniel exclaims. "Good! I'm gonna throw you in, cave boy!" Sean jokes as Daniel runs around the room. "We can even watch TV, too!" He said as he puts Mushroom on the left side bed. "And there's a balcony! Whoa, this is nice! And warm!" He said as Sean puts his phone on charge then picks up a note and reads it, Daniel takes his shoes off and climbs on the other bed. "Oooh...This bed is soft... What about this one?" He asked as he moves back to the first bed. "Uuuhh, not bad...But too far from the TV!" He said and I chuckle.

"Well, go ahead, you and your brother can take the one near the TV and I'll take this one." I said as I gesture towards the bed by the wall. "Really?!" Daniel asked me. "Yeah." I said, smiling at him. "Yeah! Thanks, (y/n)! You're awesome!" Daniel exclaims to me as he runs over to hug me. I chuckle and said. "You're welcome, munchkin." 

I hugged him back as he runs over to the bed and gets comfortable. "Daniel! You have towels in the bathroom. Don't forget to use them!" Sean called from the bathroom. "Yeah, yeah..." Daniel mutters as he picks up the remote and flicks through the channels.

"All right. I'm gonna run a bath. We totally reek." Sean said as he sticks his head out from the bathroom. "Especially you! Pig-pen!" Daniel shouts. "I wouldn't be so sure, cave boy. I'll call you when it's ready." Sean said. "I'll be right here!" Daniel said to him. "Course you will..." Sean said when Daniel finally stopped on a channel.

"Oh cool! HAWT DAWG MAN IS ON! Ooooo, I remember this episode! Weird it's on so late..." he said and I chuckle as I go over to the side table and plug up my MP3 to charge. I look over and see the note Sean was reading earlier, I read it and realized it was from Brody. Apparently, he lent us some money and the reason he had to leave was because his mom was battling cancer. I feel pretty bittersweet at this as I read the note, saying he hopes to see us again. "I'm gonna go sit out in the balcony for a bit." I said, after finishing the note and set it down. "Okay." He said as Mushroom barks her little cute bark. I lean over and pet her head as I slide open the door.

"HEY, DANIEL, BATH'S READY!" I hear Sean yell as I step out on the balcony. "What?! Already? Can I finish this episode first?" Daniel asked. "No man. You smell so bad, there's no time to lose." Sean yells and I see Daniel pick Mushroom up and walks to the bathroom.

I shut the door and go sit on one of the chairs in the corner and looked out towards the beach. The cool fall air was blowing through the sky, the sounds of the wave filled my eyes and I let out a heavy sigh. 

Suddenly, the door to the room opens and Sean walks out then shakes his head as he looks down at his phone. "Hey, you okay?" I asked him as he goes and sits down on the chair next to me. "My friend, Lyla, has texted me like crazy. She's really freaking out...and...I don't know if I should call her or not." He said and I give him a concern look. "I'd hate to tell you don't call your friend, Sean...but...if the cops find out that you've contacted her, they'll question her and then they'll tap her phone, hoping for a another chance for you to call. And when you do call her, they will be on your ass." I said.

He looks down for a moment then at his phone before he sighs. "Yeah, you're right." He mutters. "I'm really sorry, Sean. I know it would make you happy to talk to your friend, but I'm sure you care about her and wouldn't want to cause any trouble for her." I said and he nods. "Yeah, she really doesn't need that kind've stress." Sean said, sadly, as he looks down his phone. Then he presses some buttons and turns his phone sideways.

"Whatcha' doing?" I asked him. "Bout to watch this video I filmed on Christmas." He replied and I nod at him. "Do you need to be alone? I can go back inside, if you--" I said but he shakes his head at me. "No, it's fine." He said then he plays the video clip on his phone. I lean over as he holds his phone out so the both of us could watch it.

"Okay! Wait...Okay, okay...And...ACTION!" Sean's voice said as his dad was in front of the camera. His father turns to the side and yells. "Daniel! Get your butt in here right now!" Daniel then runs into view of the camera. "What? What did I do?" He asked. "You forgot to open this present!" His dad said as he hands Daniel a medium sized present.

"What is this?" Daniel asked as he opens it then his face squirrels up in disgust. "Socks...Underwear...That's it?" He asked as he pulls the clothing items out of the box. "Yeah, pretty cool, huh? That's what I got when I was a kid..." their dad said, a smile on his face. "Not funny..." Daniel grumbles and Sean began to laugh.

"Yeah it is! Dude! Check out your face!" He said as he points at his brother's angry face. I chuckled at this but glanced over to see Sean covering his face with one hand, beginning to tear up. I felt my heart turn heavy as I watch the tears roll down his face. I pull up the sleeve of my hoodie, over my hand, and used it to wipe his tears away as we continued to watch the video.

"What, what...Look! There's another one here! What is it...?" Daniel asked as he looks over to see a larger present under the tree. "Daniel...let me help...Looks bigger than underwear..." their dad teased as he and Daniel pull out the present. "Ooooh, what?" Daniel asked in excitement as he opens the present and his jaw drops. "No way! Can't believe it! The new...PlayBox! Thank you Santa!" He said as he looks up at his dad.

"Hey, don't look at me...You were a good boy this year..." their Dad said. "Yeah. Lucky boy." Sean mutters. "Daniel. This is for the whole family too, right? So you gotta share...With me! I want to play that game where you steal cars and go on high speed pursuit..." their dad said and I giggle at this. Their dad seemed like a pretty cool dude.

"Dad, you totally suck at games..." Sean said to his dad. "Oh yeah, track star? I was the dodge-ball champ of my high school...So duck!" He said as he throws a ball at Sean. "Ow! No fair!" Sean exclaims as he stumbles a bit. "You guys, don't crush the PlayBox! Hey! Let's set it up!" Daniel said but their dad kept wanting to good around a bit as he threw the ball at his sons. "Dad, come on! Ow! Okay. My ball now! Watch out!" Daniel exclaims as they play around.

"Merry Christmas, kids..." their dad said once he stopped and smiles. The video ends showing their dad wearing a Christmas jumper, Daniel holding the PlayBox, and Christmas decorations were in the background. 

I look over at Sean as he puts away his phone. "I'm really sorry, Sean. He seemed like a pretty cool dad." I said. Sean nods and said. "I just hoped he knew how much I've loved him." He said, his voice breaking. "I'm sure he did, Sean. He looked liked he really loved you and your brother." I said and Sean nodded again as he takes a deep breath then stands up and walk up to the railings. 

He looks down at his phone then throws the it towards the beach. I walk over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, his puffy red eyes look down at me. I give him a comforting smile as the two of us stare at each other. His lips started to form a smile when music began playing from inside. We look through the door to see Daniel rocking out on the bed.

I look back at Sean and said. "You've got to tell him." He nods then let's out a sigh. "Here it goes." He whispers and we walk inside to Daniel playing the air guitar while jumping up and down to a song playing on the television. 

"Are you kidding me?" Sean asked, annoyed. "Remember that song?! Come on! Dance!" Daniel said as he stops and holds his hand out to us. "Man, we... we can't dance right now. My legs are thrashed. Sorry." Sean said. "Yeah, mine too." I said as Sean grabs the remote and turns off the TV.

"You guys are no fun." Daniel said, frowning. "Daniel...Come here. We need to talk." Sean said as Daniel sits down on the bed. "Can we get a drink first? I'm thirsty..." he said. "Right now?" Sean and I asked. "You said I could have a coke...or something..." Daniel said and I sigh a bit at this. "Okay. I'll get you a soda. But when I come back...we're going to talk. Serious." Sean said. "Fine...What's the big deal?" Daniel asked and Sean starts to walk out of the room, and I follow him.

We walk down the walkway and head to the vending machine to purchase a soda. As Sean puts the money in, the lights on the landing begin to flicker. I look around at the lights in confusion when I hear Daniel's voice shout. "Dad!" Sean and I give each other fearful looks and we began to run back to the room. "Daniel!" We exclaimed as we run.

Sean opens the door to the room and both of us looked in the room in shock. "Oh fuck!" I exclaimed. Daniel was standing with clenched fists in front of the TV, the screen glowing. The bed had been pushed to one side and Mushroom is in the corner, cowering. The work desk and chair had tumbled over, stuff was flying around the room and the lights were going haywire.

"Oh my God...Daniel...?!" Sean said, fearfully. "What is happening?!" I asked, also scared. "Daniel, calm down!" Sean said as Daniel looks at us in anger, Mushroom began to bark. Meanwhile, stuff continued to fly around the room.

"YOU LIED! Dad! Our Dad is dead!" Daniel screams as he points at the TV, which shows BREAKING NEWS: 2 DEAD IN SEATTLE INCIDENT with their dad's face on the screen.

"WHY?" Daniel screamed at us, angrily. "It was an accident! A cop fucked up and shot him! That's it." Sean admitted. "No! No! IT'S NOT TRUE!" Daniel cries. "I'm so sorry..." Sean said to him. "Why? Why did you LIE to me?!" Daniel asked him. "I was scared, Daniel...I didn't know what to say..." Sean replied then Daniel looks over at me. "Did you know?!" He asked me. "I did hear about this when I was traveling, but I didn't know who you guys were when I first meet you. Until I talked to your brother when you went to get firewood, that's when i realized who you two were." I explained.

"You...You guys should've told me!" Daniel said. "I couldn't believe it either! I didn't mean to!" Sean said. "I'm so sorry, Daniel." I said. "It's not fair..." Daniel cries as we walk closer to him. "Hey! Come on... I'm here. (Y/n)'s here. It's okay..." Sean assures as we get closer to Daniel. "No it's not!" Daniel shouts just as Sean gets close enough to grab his arm.

"Don't touch me!" Daniel yells as he tries to fight his brother off but Sean reaches forward and hugs Daniel. "Daniel! Please!" Sean cries while Daniel tries to get away, but Sean pulls him in again. "No!" Daniel yells. "Shhh... It's okay..." Sean said as he hugs his brother and I go and hug him then everything falls to the floor. Mushroom steps forward as Daniel begins to cry.

"I want Dad..." Daniel cries.

"Me too." Sean said and my hear was hurting for these two. 

"I'm so sorry, boys. I hate that you two are going through this." I said as the lights return to full brightness, then the three of us look around. "You told me we were gonna see Dad..." Daniel said to Sean. "I'm sorry... I just..." Sean stammers. "Just don't lie to me ever again. Ever." Daniel said as he shakes his head slightly.

"I promise. I won't lie to you again." Sean said to him. "And I promise to, Daniel." I said. "I'm serious, guys..." Daniel said to us. "We know...Me too, Daniel..." Sean said. "Same here." I said. "What are we gonna do without him?" Daniel asked his brother. "Sssshhhh...It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay." Sean assures him and the two brother hug each other once more as I wipe away a tear running down my face.

"Guys... Am I... a monster?" Daniel asked us. It was the next day and the boys and I were on a bus, which was mostly empty. Sean and Daniel were sitting next to each other while I was sitting in the seat across the aisle from them, our bags in the seat next to me.

"Nothing is wrong with you. You're...Different." I said and he sighs. "Okay. What are we gonna do, now?" He asked. "I was thinking...Maybe we could go to Puerto Lobos. Where Dad grew up, you know..." Sean said. "Yeah...I guess..." Daniel said in a defeated tone. "It'll be fine, Daniel. There's nothing we can't do...as long as we're together." Sean said to him.

"Can you tell me a story? Like he did?" Daniel asked his brother. Sean nods and Daniel wraps Sean's arm over his shoulder. "I'm not as good as him...He used to tell me bedtime stories, too..." Sean said then he begins to tell his story. "Once upon a time...In a wild...wild world...there were two wolf brothers...living in their home lair with their papa wolf...They all lived happily together...but...but one day, hunters took their Dad away. Forever...So now the brothers were alone...and they had to find a new home...They started a journey through the great big forest...where they met a friendly fox, who decided to join them...as she, too, was looking for a home...."

I smiled at this as Sean continues his story until the three of us pass out, the bus taking us away.

[doberbutts]

“She’ll tell you when it’s time”

“When it’s time, you’ll know”

“Once she’s tired, she’ll ask for a rest”

We got Mocha because we were too sad after Queenie’s sudden and traumatic passing to not have a dog in the house. I sat in my mom’s arms and screamed and cried from the pain of losing Queenie the way we did, and later that week my parents started talking about getting another dog to help us all heal from it.

We welcomed her home just after Easter, only a few short months after Queenie passed. We normally waited until the summer to introduce a new puppy so the kids could be present to help with potty training and whatnot, but summer was too far off for us to consider the wait.

Mom was super late coming home one day and wasn’t answering her cell phone. Then when she did get home, she asked me to help her move a heavy box out of her car because she’d needed to go get something after work. I lifted the box thinking it was weird that it was almost like something was moving around in there, and out popped a fluffy puppy head that looked absurdly like a living stuffed toy.

Mom had a coworker who’d had an accidental litter of 13 puppies between their golden/lab mix that was allergic to anesthesia and couldn’t be spayed, and their uncle’s very aggressive mastiff-sized chow mix that he’d abandoned at their house one day. The puppies were in rough shape temperament-wise, they’d failed the local shelter’s temperament test at 8 weeks old and were set to be euthanized, and we worked hard to place them into homes that could manage their extensive fear aggression.

The majority of the litter was euthed for temperament by the time they were two years old. A few were hit by cars when they slipped their collars and bolted. Mocha was the one we kept, and the only one who lived past two years old.

We noticed the hip dysplasia right away. It’s hard to miss when you’ve been a GSD family for ages and have been extensively taught the signs. Her allergies were much harder to pin down. She was claustrophobic and acted as though she couldn’t see in her peripheral vision. We worked her through her fear aggression until she was a safe dog to be around so long as you were non-threatening. Her joy in the water, her dedication to chasing deer, her shockingly fearless response during a home invasion, her motherly love of all things baby, the marshmellow softness of her temperament, the deflated purple basketball she would grab and race around the yard with. These were things we just associated with Mocha.

Mom found the lump when she was 8. We’d already been through the “this may be Mocha’s last winter” song and dance 8 times by then with the rest of her health and temperament concerns. It was not the initial tumor but one that sprouted from having metastasized to her bone. It was highly likely the cancer was already in her lungs, as well. We were given months, “maybe” years.

Mocha was born on Valentine’s Day, 11 years ago. In that time she has welcomes puppies, babies, kittens, and more into our family. She’s dutifully barked at the door, raced around the yard with the kids, played with whatever animals will play with her, and sat at our feet while we watched TV.

When we got the diagnosis, the vet told us that the cancer was slow growing and generally considered not to be painful. She told us that when Mocha started saying she was hurting, it was time.

Two days ago she stopped eating.

Yesterday she had to be convinced to take a small amount of water.

She didn’t want to leave her dog bed and she didn’t want to go outside to the yard. She just wanted to sleep.

The young kids said goodbye to her earlier. The adult nephew said goodbye that evening, and gave her some extra love for me since I cannot be there to send her off.

This morning, in a little garden off to the side of the vet office my parents have used since before I was born, Mocha passed peacefully in my mom’s arms.

[thehikinghusky]

I haven’t been on here in a good long while. But I’m thankful I kept this blog in the early days. It makes today hurt a little less.

My last post was over three years ago. I wish I had kept up with this blog better because what is on here warms my heart. It’s fitting that my last post was regarding her sarcoma because that’s ultimately what took her away from me. 

This year has been so hard in so many ways on a lot of people. But my 2020 has overall been a year of good fortune and growth for me, up until now. This year has taken from me the most painful thing it could have taken. My sweet Kaya. 

Three years ago, we fought cancer. And for three glorious years, we got to forget about it. And this year, I noticed Kaya had started losing weight. It was gradual at first. About two months ago, I took her to the vet to confirm what I already knew. The cancer was back, and had engulfed the majority of her liver. 

Although she was a little thirstier and started having issues throwing up water when she drank too much, she was overall happy. The vet couldn’t tell me how much time I had left with her, but however much, it could never be enough. 

Over the past week, she made a steady and steep decline. The dog she was on Sunday was not the dog she was on Friday. She had stopped eating almost entirely, and she didn’t have the same vigor I so fondly remember. She could barely get up anymore. I could tell she was tired. Today I got to stay with her, pet her, and give her kisses as we said our final goodbyes. 

There’s no way to prepare yourself for how much something like this hurts. Six years was not enough. The whole fifteen of her life would not have been enough. I loved her so intensely from the day I brought her home. And I told her from day one, that she had to live to fifteen. There was no other option. Well, she heard me. Her fifteenth birthday was two weeks ago. I’m going to share a picture from that day, as she was still in good enough health to enjoy a leisurely walk to smell some interesting things and to wade in the river. 

I want to mourn her loss less and celebrate her life more. She was always so loud and opinionated. She was very independent. She loved food more than anything else on the planet, probably me included. And in this last week, she couldn’t even enjoy food. I told her today that she would be able to eat all the chicken nuggets she wanted now. I asked Nanook to help her cross over the Rainbow Bridge so she wouldn’t have to do it alone. 

I’m so immensely thankful for the time we had together. For the adventures we got to go on. For the love and the bond that we shared. I’m thankful for the circumstances we’ve achieved. Together. Kaya was the first dog I adopted on my own. We went from living in a single bedroom where I worked two jobs to a three bedroom house with a fenced in yard and a doggy door where I got to work from home. I’m thankful that I got to spend more time with her, especially as her health declined. I’m thankful we had as long as we did together. And I’m thankful I got to see her off to the other side, as much as it hurts. 

Kaya will always and forever be my sunshine, my heart dog. There aren’t enough words in the world to encapsulate the light that was her life. She was a fighter until the end. A stubborn Husky until her final day. 

There are so many things I want to say. So many memories I never want to fade. She will be in my heart, and tattooed on my hip, forever. I’ll miss the loud alarm barks, letting me know it was time to get up because SHE was up. I’ll miss how if I didn’t listen, she would just come sit on my head. I’ll miss the way she played. One of her favorite things to do was just dive face first into the bed and yell and roll around. She was never a fan of sleeping in the bed, but boy did she like to roll all over it. I’ll miss how she followed me absolutely everywhere. She was my bathroom buddy. I couldn’t pee alone, and I couldn’t shower without knowing she was right on the other side of the curtain, patiently waiting to be able to lick all the water off my legs. 

I remember the day I brought her home. The Humane Society offered a two week foster-to-adopt program. I met her, not quite sure what to make of her because she had been a loud grumble butt from day one, and I signed up to put a hold on her and come back the next day to pick her up, as that was when I was moving into my new house. I got so lucky in getting her. As I handed in my paperwork for her, another lady started filling out the hold form too. Somewhere, there was a miscommunication, because instead of starting the foster the next day, they had adopted her out to me. I drove away from the Humane Society and looked over at her in awe. I had a dog. She was my dog. And she wasted absolutely no time making herself at home. I hadn’t even kind of unpacked, and I had just put sheets on the bed. One of the first things she went to do was her signature bed roll. I still have a picture of her looking up at me, moving box right beside her. It was good they didn’t do the foster. There was never any going back, anyway. 

She was so smart. I’ll miss the training and the puzzle games with her. I’ll miss just talking to her. She understood more than most would believe, I think. And she loved like no other. If she came to you for pets, it’s because she wanted to, not because you asked. She loved to have her ears and her face scratched. And if you’d scratch the fronts of her back legs, she’d kick them straight out in a big stretch. 

She was the most gentle baby, but she was loud about it. I trusted her more than any other dog not to bite me, no mater the circumstances. But she would absolutely be vocal if you were doing something she didn’t like. Baths, for instance. For a dog that loved water as much as she did, she HATED bath time. I’d take her out to a lake or a river and before you knew it, she was chest deep, shoving her face directly into the water. But if I so much as touched the shower knob while she was in the tub? She was screaming bloody murder before the water even hit her. 

I think she knew she could tug at my heartstrings enough to get me to bend to her will on most things. I could never bear to hear her cry. For as loud as she was, and she was pretty much constantly loud, she had her own language. One I grew to understand. To most people I’ve known who’ve met her, she just constantly sounded angry. She communicated in a lot of barks, growls, and grumbles. We always joked that she was my grumpy old lady. More often than not, though, her angry sounds weren’t her being actually angry. It’s just how she talked. 

Although Huskies are notorious escape artists and like to bolt as soon as they get the chance, she was never like that. There are only two times she ever got away from me that I can recall. The first, she pushed her way out of a screen door that hadn’t been latched. All she did was walk out into the yard to take a poo, lol. She came right back at the shake of a treat bag. The other time, we were out hiking. Her leash had slipped out of my hand, and she took off running for the trees. I just knew I had lost her to the wilderness. As soon as she hit the tree line, though, she whipped right back around and came back to me. She just had to get out some zoomies really quick. 

She liked to play fetch, but mostly just the chase part. She was never interested in actually picking the ball or whatever we were playing with back up and bringing it back. But she did like toys. Her favorite was one we took to calling Hampton the Hedgehog. ...And then Hampton Jr. and eventually Hampton the third because she liked him a little too much, lol. 

Her favorite food was whatever was in my hand at the moment, lol. Nothing tasted as good as whatever I happened to have. After she was labeled a hospice dog a couple of months ago, I decided I was going to give her whatever she wanted to make sure she had the happiest time she could, so she was off dog food entirely and just ate some of whatever I was having. She loved chicken nuggets, roast beef, and ribs. I tried to make her some variety of cake every year for her birthday. Some years it was a meat stew pie, some years carrot cake, and one year it was a meatloaf iced in mashed potatoes. This year, I made her a carrot cake iced with whipped cream cheese. She wasn’t the biggest fan of the cream cheese, but she liked the cake bit. 

She was loyal and loving until the end, and I’m so glad she’s no longer suffering. If you have pets, do me a favor and hug them just a little bit tighter for me tonight. Give them an extra biscuit and tell them how good they are and how much you love them. For those of us who can’t anymore. Enjoy every second. Life is fleeting, and you never know when it will be gone. 

Rest in peace, my sweet Kaya. You will always be my sunshine. 

[gothyhobbit]

My dog, Zooey.

My family has lost 2 of our pets this year already. Our cat, Sagwa, passed from old age in April. Sagwa was my mom’s baby. We lost our dog Phoebe in May. She had horrible seizures the last few weeks of her life, and it was finally time to let her go. And now my dog Zooey has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. The vet has given her an estimated 2 months to live. I’m so broken. It sucks when the majority of your pets are around the same age. They all pass at similar times, and you never feel prepared. I have lost so much family this year, and I’m going to lose another one. I just can’t comprehend my emotions right now. I am just lost, angry and devastated. Zooey is such a wonderful pain in the ass. She’s huge, jumps and barks and is totally gross. I love her so much. She has so much love, and I don’t want to say goodbye to her.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 5

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: n/a

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in July 2013 and is about how Ellie got Daisy.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological.  It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future.  However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 4.5

Episode 5: Finding Daisy

July 19, 2013

Chris smiled as he looked around the kitchen table, watching as Ellie, her sister Isabelle and his brother Scott all cackled over the cards they'd played in the round of Cards Against Humanity that he was the Card Czar for. Despite the fun they were all having now, he felt guilty that the paparazzi had ruined their night.

Two hours earlier, the four of them had been eating at a small Italian restaurant outside the normal "celebrity zone", but someone had tipped off his location to the paparazzi. The owner had personally apologized to Chris about the situation and had offered to comp their meal, but Chris had declined the offer and had even left a bigger tip due to how the paparazzi would affect the other diners' meals.

Turning to the other three, Chris had suggested that they continue with their plans while he went home. It had been Ellie who had suggested they all go back to the house and play cards or something instead. Isabelle and Scott hadn't been thrilled with the idea, but they had agreed.

"Earth to Chris?" his brother said, waving his hands in front of Chris's face. "You still playing?"

"Yeah, sorry," Chris replied. Looking back at the cards in front of him, he reread the black prompt card 'Introducing Xtreme Baseball! It's like baseball, but with ________!'

Then he looked at the three white cards he had already flipped over:

'My collection of high-tech sex toys.'

'The swim team, all at once.'

And then the card that had made them start cackling in the first place:

'Genetically engineered super-soldiers.'

The simple shake of his head set off their laughter again and he couldn't help but choose the card that someone had obviously been saving just for him.

"Genetically engineered super-soldiers," he said as he flipped the other two losing cards over.

"YES!" Isabelle shouted as she reached across the table to grab the black prompt card, almost knocking her glass of wine off the table.

"Careful there, drunko." Scott teased her as he rescued the wine glass.

Upon returning to the house, Chris and Ellie had both changed out of the clothes they'd worn to dinner, opting to wear more comfortable clothes; yoga pants, a maroon tank top and a plaid button down for her and sweats and t-shirt for him. Isabelle and Scott, on the other hand, had remained in their nice clothes, with Isabelle simply adding one of Ellie's long sweater jackets over her dress and replacing her heels with a pair of UGGs.

"Alright, my turn," Ellie said as she grabbed a black prompt card from the pile.  "What will always get you laid?"

Chris didn't have to look down at his cards to know which one to play. He quickly found the card and then laid it face down on the table.

Scott and Isabelle quickly played their own cards and then Ellie took on the task of picking the winner.

"What will always gets you laid?" she repeated and then picked up the first white answer card. "Being John Malkovich." She nodded her head slowly and picked up the second card. "Teaching a robot to love." She added a shrug to her nod and then turned over the third card. A grin spread across her face immediately and she shouted, "DEM TITTIES FOR THE WIN!"

Sliding his hand over, Chris pulled the black card over to his small pile while the others laughed again.

There was no question in his mind as to why he'd thought of her the second he'd drawn the 'dem titties' card, especially considering the dress she'd worn to dinner. He'd known she had boobs, it was obvious, but that dress had put them on display and he hadn't not liked it.

"Chris, are you playing or not?" his brother's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Chris replied. He took a look at the black prompt card 'She's up all night for good fun, I'm up all night for _______.' and selected the best answer from his hand.

"Finding Waldo," Isabelle read aloud a moment later. "Dry heaving. That's disgusting. And lastly, Pictures of boobs." She looked at the cards on the table and then tapped the first one, Finding Waldo.

"That would be mine," Scott said, grabbing the black prompt card. "Better watch out, I'm one card away from kicking your asses at this game!"

They went a couple more rounds before Scott ultimately won the game by playing the "Pumping out a baby every nine months." answer to the prompt "Cancel all my meetings. We've got a situation with _____ that requires my immediate attention."

Leaving the kitchen, they carried their drinks out into the living room and sank down into the overstuffed couches.

"Did you guys have any pets growing up?" Isabelle asked as she sat on the loveseat with Scott.

"No way," Scott replied with a laugh. "Mom had her hands full with us four. There was no way she'd let an animal in the house."

"Really? Because there were four of us and we had dogs, cats and a bunch of other animals too," Ellie replied. "Then again our dad was a Veterinarian."

"Yes, but you were all girls," Chris pointed out with a smile. "Way different than raising boys."

"I don't want to have any girls," Ellie stated with a shake of her head. "Too much drama. I only want to have boys."

"Really? You don't want to have a single girl?" Chris asked, turning to look at her. "Not one?"

"Nope." Ellie shook her head. "Especially after seeing the drama that followed my youngest sister Riley thanks to cell phones and social media."

"Seriously," Isabelle said, shaking her head. "When I was in high school the worst thing was not putting someone in the 'right spot' on your myspace top 8."

"You couldn't pay me to go back to high school," Scott stated. "No fucking way…"

They all murmured their agreement and took sips of their drinks.

"So back to the pet thing," Ellie said, a moment later. "Have you guys ever had pets?"

"It was the first thing I did when I got my own place," Chris replied with a smile. "An American Bulldog named East." His smile faltered a little. "Probably wasn't the best decision because I was so busy, but he was my best friend." His voice tapered off.

"We found out last fall that East had cancer," Scott continued for his brother. "And we had to let him go in January of this year."

"Saying goodbye to a pet is never easy," Ellie said, reaching over and putting her hand on Chris's forearm. "Especially when they're sick."

"It was the hardest decision of my life," Chris admitted. "But I knew it was the right one…" His voice trailed off and he brushed a tear from his face before letting out a forced chuckle. "Wow… I really know how to ruin a night, huh?"

"The night isn't ruined at all," Scott told his brother. "I mean, we all learned that Isabelle has a thing for assless chaps."

"My boyfriend grew up on a cattle ranch," Isabelle stated. "I've seen him in a pair of assless chaps and good god -" She let out a whoosh of breath. "- the only thing better than a cowboy wearing chaps and jeans is him wearing the chaps only."

"Ok, this conversation went weird fast," Ellie said, standing up. She wobbled slightly and Chris reached out to steady her. "Thanks."

"No more wine for you tonight," he told her.

"Yes, sir, captain, sir," she replied with a mock salute. "I'll just carry this stuff to the kitchen."

"I'll help," Isabelle offered. The two sisters quickly gathered their empty wine glasses and bottles and headed to the kitchen.

"I think I'm ready to go to bed," Ellie told her sister after she had hand washed the wine glasses. "You wanna sleep in the guest house with me?"

"Sure," Isabelle replied. "I'll go get my stuff. Should I shower upstairs or in your room?"

"It'll have to be in her room," Chris said as he came into the kitchen. "Scott just ran upstairs to take a shower." He covered his mouth as he yawned. "I just wanted to tell you I was heading upstairs and that I locked the front door."

"Alright, thanks," Ellie replied. "I'll lock the backdoor when we leave."

Chris nodded and then left the room.

"I'll go get my stuff," Isabelle told her sister.

Ellie finished cleaning up the kitchen while she waited and then, when Isabelle returned, led her sister out to the guest house.

"It's small," Isabelle said as she took in the studio-like room. "But I guess you spend most of your time in the main house."

"Exactly." Ellie nodded. "I'll let you shower first and then I'll take one."

Forty minutes later, the sisters were laying side-by-side in Ellie's bed.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Isabelle asked.

"Yes," Ellie assured her. "I'm actually kind of glad we didn't go dancing though. Those heels were already killing my feet when we got home. And I could barely breathe in that dress…"

A wicked grin spread across Isabelle's face and she said, "Chris liked watching you breathe in that dress."

Ellie rolled her eyes.

"I'm seriously, El!" Isabelle insisted. "He couldn't take his eyes off of you during dinner! And don't get me started on his reaction in his bedroom! The guy froze in the process of putting on his jacket!"

"We're just friends," Ellie told her sister. "He's used to seeing me in t-shirts and jean shorts. Of course he was surprised."

"He liked what he saw," Isabelle insisted. "I wish I had thought to take a picture of it."

"You've had too much to drink," Ellie told her sister. "We both have. We should go to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow."

"Spoil sport," Isabelle muttered as she settled into her pillow. "I know what I saw though, you caught Chris's attention."

Ellie ignored her sister and closed her eyes, effectively putting an end to their discussion.

The next morning, the sisters woke up shortly after nine and got dressed to go to the beach. They hit up the kitchen in the main house to pack the cooler with the food and drinks Ellie had purchased for their day at the beach.

They were just closing the lid of the cooler when Chris came into the room.

"Morning," he greeted sleepily. He took in their appearances; each sister was wearing a pair of cut off jean shorts and a tank top with colorful straps showing on their shoulders. "Off to the beach?"

"Yup," Ellie replied. "I made a pot of coffee and there is stuff for sandwiches in the fridge if you get hungry."

"Thanks, you're the best," Chris told her.

Ellie smiled at Chris and ignored the nudge that Isabelle gave her.

"Well, we are off," she said. "We will likely be gone most of the day. I was thinking we'd do hamburgers or something here tonight."

"Got it," Chris said with a nod. "Have fun."

The sisters carried the small cooler out to Ellie's car and then headed south to the beach community their aunt and uncle lived in. They parked their car in the driveway of their relatives' house and then walked the couple blocks to the beach.

Given that it was a Saturday in the middle of July, the beach was busy, but it didn't take them long to find the beach volleyball court that their aunt, uncle and their friends had situated themselves by. After many hellos, the sisters put their stuff down and laid out in the sun, soaking in the rays for a bit before being convinced to join a beach volleyball game.

They hung out at the beach until the early afternoon before they said their goodbyes and made their way back to the car. Instead of heading back to Chris's house immediately, they ventured into the Venice Beach area and spent a couple hours checking out the different vendors.

It was after six in the evening when they finally got back to the house. Ellie went to her guest house to shower while Isabelle went upstairs to shower in the guest bathroom.

After showering and getting dressed, Ellie went back into the main house to get dinner ready, but stopped when she saw Chris standing in front of the barbeque flipping the burgers over.

"Scott and I are taking care of dinner," he told her. "You've been feeding us all summer."

"Thanks," Ellie replied with a smile. She went into the house and cringed slightly when she saw the state of her kitchen.

Scott caught her expression from the other side of the large kitchen island and said, "We'll clean up, promise." He then walked over to the fridge and grabbed out a bottle of beer. "Drink this. It will take the edge off the fact that we've destroyed your kitchen."

Dinner was just about ready when Isabelle arrived in the kitchen and took the beer Scott offered her. The sisters then made their way outside and sat down at the outdoor table to wait for the guys to bring dinner to the table.

Ten minutes later, the four of them were eating and Ellie was impressed with the brothers' cooking abilities.

"I might let you two cook for me more often," she told him.

"Please don't," Scott replied. "Our cooking skills are very limited."

"All the more reason for you to practice," Ellie said with a smile.

After they ate, Ellie and Isabelle helped the brothers clean up the kitchen and then all four of them retired to the basement to watch a movie. The girls took their seats on one of the couches while the two brothers argued over what movie to watch. It took them nearly ten minutes to agree on 'Stepbrothers'.

The four of them laughed along with the movie with one or two of them occasionally quoting a scene along with the characters on the TV.

It was nearly midnight when the movie ended and they all retired to their own rooms to go to sleep.

The next morning, Ellie got up earlier than normal and made breakfast for herself and Isabelle, knowing her sister had to catch an early flight back to San Francisco.

When Isabelle arrived in the kitchen, the sisters ate quickly and then said goodbye when the Uber Isabelle had ordered got to the house.

Ellie was in the kitchen cleaning when Chris came in about thirty minutes later.

"Isabelle get off ok?" he asked her.

"Yup." Ellie nodded with a sad smile. "Is it weird that I already miss her?"

"Nah, you guys are obviously close," Chris stated. "I miss Scott when he isn't around."

"It's because you love me," Scott announced as he came into the room. "Do I smell bacon?"

"Isabelle and I ate it," Ellie replied. "But you're welcome to make yourself some. There is more in the fridge."

Scott frowned as he looked at the fridge. "I think I'll just stop at Starbucks on my way home," he said. He made his way around the island and gave Ellie a hug. "This weekend was fun. I love your sister."

"I'm pretty sure she loves you, too," Ellie said with a laugh as she hugged him back. "Thanks for helping me celebrate my birthday."

"Just think of how epic we could have made it if you hadn't waited until last weekend to tell us," Scott stated as they ended their hug. "Ok, I need to go home, do some laundry and then learn my lines for tomorrow. See you kids later."

A couple minutes later, they felt the house rattle as Scott slammed the door closed as he left.

Ellie shook her head while Chris rolled his eyes.

"Speaking of your birthday," Chris said, a moment later. "I haven't gotten you anything, what do you want?"

Ellie froze in the process of cleaning the counter and turned to look at him. "Chris, you don't have to buy me anything for my birthday," she said. "You and your mom have done more for me in the last six months than I can thank you guys for."

"That doesn't mean you don't deserve a birthday present," Chris countered. "Everyone deserves birthday presents."

"You're not going to drop this are you?" Ellie sighed.

"Nope," Chris replied. "And I'm sure you've learned by now that I can be pretty stubborn."

"Fine," Ellie said. "For my birthday, I'd like you to consider allowing me to get a dog."

"You want a dog?" Chris asked, surprised.

"Yeah, it's a bit lonely here when I'm by myself," Ellie replied. "This house is really big when you're alone."

"It is," Chris said with a nod. "Alright, I'll give you one better. Not only will I give you permission to get a dog, but we'll go look for one today!"

"Wait, what?" Ellie looked at Chris in surprise. "Look for a dog today?" He nodded. "Are you sure, though? I don't need one today, just before you head back east or to film."

As the word 'east' left her mouth, her mind instantly went to Chris's late dog. "Chris, are you sure you're ready for this?" she asked.

"I'm sure, Ellie," Chris stated. "Besides, I'm not ready to have another dog, but that's the beauty of the dog being yours. I get to play with it and hang out with it, but you're the one that has to scoop the poop out of the backyard."

Ellie shook her head and laughed.

"So, are you game for going to look for a dog?" Chris asked.

"Sure, why not," Ellie replied. "I don't have anything else to do today."

"Awesome!" Chris exclaimed. "Ok, I'm going to go upstairs and grab some shoes and then I'll be ready to go."

"Sounds good," Ellie replied.

Chris tossed her a smile and then raced out of the room, sliding across the hardwood floor in his socks.

Seconds later there was a thud in hallway and he called out, "I'm good."

Ellie shook her head and made her way out to the guest house to grab her purse.

An hour later, Chris pulled into the parking lot of a no kill shelter he had volunteered at over the years. Leading Ellie inside, he was greeted by name by the owner of the establishment who personally volunteered to take them around the place.

The owner took a few minutes to get an idea of the type of dog Ellie was looking for. Then she took Ellie and Chris out to meet a few dogs that she thought best matched what Ellie was looking for.

The first couple dogs the owner introduced them to didn't do anything for Ellie or Chris. They were both sweet dogs, but the first one didn't like loud noises and the second one was timid around Chris.

As they were making their way to the next dog, Ellie spotted a brown and white bulldog peeking at them through a "doggie window" in one of the doggie playrooms. Kneeling down, she smiled at the dog and the dog smiled back with its tongue hanging to the side.

"Can we meet that one?" Chris asked the owner.

"Absolutely," the owner replied. She let them into the playroom and the bulldog raced over to them.

Kneeling down, Ellie let the dog smell her hand and the dog melted into her. Giggling, she looked up at Chris. "What do you think?" she asked.

Chris knelt down next to her and the bulldog shifted its eyes to him. It studied Chris for a moment before coming over to investigate him. It sniffed his hand and then tilted its head to the side to get a scratch from Chris.

"I think this is the one," Chris said.

"Well then, let me officially introduce you to Daisy, she is an English Bulldog," the owner said with a smile.

"Daisy like Daisy Duck," Chris said with a smile. "Perfect."

"Absolutely perfect," Ellie agreed. "We'll take her." Turning her attention to Daisy she asked, "Do you want to come home with us, Daisy girl?"

Daisy gave a happy bark and gave her a tongue out smile.

Episode 5.5

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[hazthediv]

The Sun Will Shine, Pt 3 - H.O.

Thanks to Ana (@sweetosterfield) for this lovely moodboard, you are amazing ilysm!!

Pairing: Fuckboy!Haz x Reader (The Fault in our Stars AU)

Word Count : 4.5K

Summary :  When you get faced with death, you have two choices: either wait for it to come or live your best life until it does. Y/N has had cancer for almost a year and if it wasn’t for her best friend, Harrison Osterfield, she would have chosen the first option. But something in the blue of his eyes made her decide to live what little she has left as best as she can.

Note : It isn’t really a TFIOS AU, the only thing in common is that Y/N has cancer but whatever

Warnings: Mention of death

Additional Note: I’m extremely sick lately and I struggled to write this chapter (that’s why it’s shorter) but I hope you’ll still like it haha

Another additional note: I try to post an update every Monday if that helps you to know when you should expect a new chapter.

Part one | Part two

You woke up as Haz was getting up from your bed, somewhere in the middle of the night. You whined a little and he chuckled.

“Sorry, love, but I just can’t fall asleep right now”, he whispered.

You watched him in the silver rays of the moon.

“Where are you going?” you asked.

“Just in my own bed, don’t worry about it”, he answered.

He put a strand of hair out of your face, his thumb lingering on your cheek before he pulled away and walked out of the room.

Still half asleep, you didn’t quite realize that he was really gone until you rolled over, the sheets still warm from his presence earlier. That woke you up completely and you found yourself staring at your ceiling.

You felt lonely and cold for a moment, as the words the doctors had spoken echoed in your head once again. They always did, they always fucking did but now it was worst. It was worst because hope was gone. It was long gone and all that was left was dread. Dread for the moment it will be over, dread for the moment your eyes wouldn’t open again.

When Haz was there with you, it was easier. But now that he was gone, it was awful. He was the rock anchoring you in the present and without him you just couldn’t.

Warm tears rolled down your cheeks and you hid your face in your pillow to muffle your sobs as your body was shaken by them. For a moment you thought about your life and you allowed yourself to break down. Completely break down. Life had never been easy for you and now you were afraid that death wasn’t going to be easy either. Because it would be slow and you would just get worse and worse until it was over. Hell, this wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was that Harrison would have to move on with his life after you’d die and you were oh so jealous of it. You wanted to have a life too, you wanted to be able to do the things you had wanted to do forever, you wanted to have a family. But that was a privilege that had been taken from you.

Unbeknownst to you, Haz was lying in his bed, his face hidden in his pillow as sobs raked his body. He didn’t want to lose you. Not at all. And just lying there with you… Eventually it would be gone. And it scared the shit out of him and he didn’t want that happening.

He couldn’t sleep at night unless he was with someone because his thoughts always went back to you. And tonight, as he was lying in your bed with you next to him, it had been even worse. Because he didn’t want you to see that he was aching too. He didn’t want you to feel bad about it because he knew damn well you would feel bad if you’d known that he was hurting too.

Tom’s words always came back to his mind and he refused to believe in them. He didn’t want to have feelings for you, not one bit. He wanted you to just be a friend so when he’ll see your coffin lowering in the ground he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to someone he loved too. And he was an expert at that: pushing his emotions away. But everyone broke down sometimes and he made no exception. So he cried that night, he cursed life for its cruelty and promised himself not to fall for you. To keep everything platonic… as if it was really going to change something.

Haz knew that when morning came, he would have to act as if nothing happened during the night. He would have to put his mask back on and treat you like a friend or even more like a sister. That way everything would be fine.

The sun rose lazily in the sky, the day promising to be a beautiful day. Since time was running out, you had already bought plane tickets to France yesterday and the plane was leaving in the evening today.

When you finally decided that trying to fall back asleep was pointless, you got up from your bed, grabbing your stuff to go take a shower. It wasn’t even 6 AM yet but you felt wide awake. Which was weird, you usually always were tired. But you weren’t going to complain, it felt great not to be exhausted for once.

When you got out of the shower, you decided to cook breakfast. Well, breakfast was only pancakes but it occupied your thoughts for a moment. Eating the pancakes was a little more difficult because you weren’t hungry at all. You finished only one, leaving the rest to Haz if he wanted to eat them when he’ll get up.

You returned to your room then and took your suitcase from the wardrobe. You put it on the bed and started going through your clothes. You chose what you were going to bring and what you were going to leave behind, knowing damn well that you would probably never see what you didn’t bring again.

It was almost 10 AM when you were done packing your suitcase. You lied down on your bed next to it and took your cellphone out of your pocket. You started scrolling down on your Instagram, only to fall asleep a couple of minutes later.

That’s how Haz found you around 11 AM, not long after he got up. He let you sleep, knowing you needed to rest if you wanted to be ready for the long trip awaiting you. He too prepared his stuff and when he was done he invited Tom and the twins over. This way you would be able to say goodbye to Tom, Harry and Sam before leaving on the trip. Who knew, you might were never going to come back.

Finally, the whole family came to your flat and the sound of their chatter woke you up. You got up from your bed, trying to figure out what time it was and how long you had slept. Turns out it was the middle of the afternoon and that you were soon going to have to leave to the airport. Haz’s mom was going to drive you there, but she wasn’t in the living room yet when you walked in.

Nikki gave you a long hug the minute you walked in. When she pulled away, you noticed she had tears in her eyes. You looked down. You didn’t want to hurt her, or anyone for that matter, but you knew that your decision to do your list would lead to that. Because the persons you had known all your life would never see you again. Or they would only see you on your death bed, which was kind of worse if you were being honest. You wanted everyone to remember you as some full of life person, not as a corpse. Although everyone here had already seen you during your chemo treatments, which meant they had seen you as a corpse, they had also known you long before your cancer. And you wanted them to remember the girl you were back then.

So that’s how you acted all along. Like a normal girl who didn’t have a cancer. You found it easy to do so and it was refreshing. It felt great, even though everyone around you seemed to act carefully with you. You knew they paid attention not to say certain things and you could tell that their laughter and smiles were kind of forced but it was better than nothing. You weren’t going to let that affect you, not anymore. Not in the middle of the day, when it was so easy to pretend as if everything was alright.

Haz’s mom and stepdad arrived not so long after you had joined the Hollands, Charlotte following behind them. They had brought Monty with them and you laughed as the dog sprinted to you. He sat at your feet as you greeted Phil with a hug that pretty much resembled the one you had given to Nikki earlier. Charlotte hugged you too and it took a long time for her to let go. You knew she was crying by the way her body was shaking and it brought tears to your eyes. You blinked them away: you were at peace with your decision, there was no need to cry.

You hugged Charlotte until she stopped crying, only then letting go of her. She dried her tear-stained cheeks, a small laugh falling from her lips.

“Sorry about that”, she mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it, Char”, you smiled.

She smiled back at you and then excused herself to go to the bathroom.

As she left, you looked around you. Maybe you didn’t have parents and siblings, but these people were your family. They had always been there for you and it felt great to be around all of them one last time. You laughed with them and teared up when Nikki said that you were the daughter she had never had.

Over all, the afternoon was extremely emotional. Of course it was, you were saying goodbye to the people that had been your family these past few years. More than goodbye, you were saying farewell. Because you knew that you weren’t going to come back. Yes, you had some time, but not a lot. Clearly not enough to come back here after having completed your list. Especially since the tulips in Holland were only out in May. That’s if you made it to May… Which you weren’t quite sure of but it was pointless to worry about it right now.

Eventually, it was time to go. You hugged every single person in the room, thanking them for everything they had done for you. You tried not to cry and almost succeeded until you hugged Nikki. Then you let the tears roll down your cheeks shamelessly, laughing about it with her and Phil. And as you were talking with the two moms, Haz was in the kitchen, with his sister and Tom.

“It’s great, what you’re doing”, Charlotte gently said.

“He’s doing it cause he loves her”, Tom stated, which gained him a punch on the shoulder.

“Stop fucking saying that, mate”, Haz grumbled. “I’m not.”

“Are you serious?” Charlotte asked as she laughed a little. “You’ve been head over heels for her ever since elementary school.”

“I haven’t”, Haz groaned.

“Whatever”, Charlotte said. “I’m just glad you’re the one going with her.”

“Why?” asked Haz.

“I wouldn’t have been able to go”, Charlotte explained. “It… it isn’t going to end well and ... and…”

“Let’s try not to think about this, shall we?” Tom interjected.

Haz pulled his sister into a hug as a new wave of tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Why am I crying constantly lately?” she mumbled in his chest.

“We all react in different ways”, Haz stated. “That’s your way of showing you care.”

“And how do you show you care?” she asked.

His heart ached in his chest for a moment. I don’t. I can’t.

“By accompanying her, I guess?” he said instead.

“Right, I’m a div”, Charlotte laughed. “You guys will miss Christmas though.”

“At this point, I don’t think Y/N cares about Christmas”, Tom stated.

“I know, but it still sucks”, Charlotte argued. “It would be the last Christmas we’d get to spend with her.”

“Hey, maybe there’s an experimental treatment”, Haz interjected. “If we’re lucky there’s one and the doctors will call Y/N and she will be just fine.”

“You never lose hope, don’t you?” Charlotte asked softly.

Never. Haz smiled slightly but you walked in before he had the chance to answer.

“We’ve gotta go”, you told Haz.

Charlotte ran to you to hug you one last time.

“Christmas will be boring without you”, she whispered.

You laughed lightly. “We’ll facetime on Christmas Eve.”

“You better”, the girl replied which caused you to laugh.

You then walked to your room with Tom, who helped you with your luggage.

“I’m gonna miss your dorky face”, Tom said as you were alone in your room.

“I’ll miss you too, you div”, you replied and he chuckled.

“Take care of Haz”, he gently said.

“I will”, you promised. “While I can. Promise me you’ll take care of him though, once I… once I’ll be gone.”

Tom blinked away some tears. “I will, I promise. I won’t leave him alone. He’ll probably think I’m an annoying dickhead but I’ll be there for him I swear.”

You pulled him into a hug as he rambled and he closed his arms around you.

“God, this is harder than I thought it would be”, Tom whispered.

“We’re never ready for this kind of stuff”, you stated. “I’m not ready either. But I feel like I’m the lucky one in all of this.”

“What do you mean?” Tom asked.

“I won’t have to look at someone I care for wither and die”, you murmured. “I won’t have to go on knowing I lost someone I cared for.”

“Y/N…” Tom said.

“I’m just afraid it’s going to break Haz”, you added. “He’s so fucking fragile and I wished I could be there for him after everything but I won’t. I’ll be gone and there’s nothing we can do about it. He’ll have to look at me dying and… and… I shouldn’t have asked me to come, is it too late to cancel everything?”

“Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down”, Tom said. “Haz wants to come with you more than anything. And you need to stop thinking about others this much. You want him to come because you don’t want to be alone and that’s totally fair. And I’ll be there after everything and he’ll make it through it. Everybody does. I promise, don’t worry about this. You’re going on the trip of your life now, try to think about this instead.”

You nodded your head against Tom’s chest. He was right. You knew he was. Whether it was on a trip or back home, Haz would have had to watch you die anyway. It was better to have fun during the process, right? Staying home wouldn’t lead to much fun, that you knew.

“Thanks for saying this, Tom”, you whispered.

“My pleasure, love”, he said. “Now, let’s get moving. You wouldn’t want to miss your plane.”

You pulled away, wiping your tears. As Tom walked out of your room with your luggage, you said goodbye to your room. It wasn’t very difficult to say goodbye to it, you didn’t own lots of stuff and you weren’t leaving a lot behind. You didn’t look back as you stepped out and closed the door behind you.

Phil and Charlotte were waiting for you at the flat’s door. You put on your coat and your boots, staying silent. Right now, you knew that if you were to say something you would cry. So you figured it was better to stay silent.

It was a little more difficult to say goodbye to the flat. You remembered hours of laughing and having fun with Harrison and Tom and everyone here, in the living room. You still were healthy when you had moved here with Haz a year and a half ago and the beginning had been the best time of your life. Haz was fun to be around and even more fun to live with, even though he had a tendency to bring girls back at the most unfortunate moment.

You wondered if that was going to be different on the trip. You hoped it would, since you were probably going to be sleeping in the same hotel room all along. Whatever.

As you closed the door behind you, you said goodbyes to some of your best memories. Some of the worst too. Like the few nights after you had learned about your cancer, nights you wouldn’t have been able to go through without Haz by your side.  But there were also the nights when you had watched scary movies and Haz was so scared he was hiding behind a blanket all along. Those nights you had had to hold him for him to fall asleep. There were also the nights when you had been hanging around with Tom, the twins, Tuwaine and Haz, playing poker or whatever the guys wanted to do, you just tagging along because after all this was your home.

This was the hardest part. Saying goodbye to your home. But then, when you walked down the stairs and caught an icy blue gaze, you felt alright. Home was coming with you and would be with you till the very last moment. No need to be sad.

You said goodbye to everyone once again before climbing on the backseat of Phil’s car. Haz was sitting on your right and Charlotte was on your left.

“So, what are you going to do on that little trip of yours?” Phil asked.

“Lots and lots of things”, you smiled. “First we’re going to France to go paragliding and maybe bungee jumping. Then we’re off to Australia to learn how to surf and you know, to do everything people do in Australia. Then it’s Bali, South Africa, Norway, the US and we finish in Holland for the tulips.”

“Wow, that’s a lot”, Phil said.

“Yeah, I know”, you replied.

Both of you didn’t say what you had in mind, which was that you probably wouldn’t have the time to do everything.

The rest of the ride was spent talking about less interesting stuff, like where you were going to stay and if you had remembered to bring a toothbrush. You weren’t surprised when Haz said he had forgotten to bring one. He always did forget stuff like that.

When the car stopped in the airport’s car park, Haz’s stepdad got out, soon followed by Phil, Charlotte and Haz. You got out too, shivering when the cold wind hit your face. Brian took care of your luggage as you walked to the airport. You stopped before the security to say goodbye to everyone again.

You pulled Phil into a hug.

“Thanks for everything you did for me”, you told her as a tear slid down your cheek.

“My pleasure, Y/N”, she whispered with a small voice. “You’re an amazing girl, I loved taking care of you.”

You held her closer as you felt her body shaking. You hated this. You hated when people cried because of you. Perhaps that was the reason you were going as far as you could to die… so nobody would witness it. Except Haz.

When Phil pulled away, you smiled to her through your own tears. Brian hugged you then and you told him approximatively the same thing you had told Phil. Charlotte was next and the most difficult too. Because she was like a sister to you and you cared about her a lot and it hurt to think that this was probably the last time you were going to see her in person.

At some point though, you have to learn to let go. So you let go of her, telling her again that you would facetime on Christmas Eve and then you looked over at Haz, who was saying goodbye to his parents. The boy’s gaze trailed over to you and he nodded. He too knew it was time to go.

You didn’t once look back as you walked away from the people who had taken care of you after you had been kicked out of your house years ago. You didn’t look back because you wouldn’t have been able to go if you had looked back. So you didn’t and you fought your tears until you were out of sight. Only then did you feel as the weight of the world had been taken off of your shoulder and you didn’t feel the lump in your throat anymore.

“God, this was more difficult than I imagined it to be”, you told Haz as you walked side by side.

“It was”, Haz agreed. “But now we’re on our way to France. It’s kind of exciting, isn’t it?”

His voice seemed caught up in his throat and you could tell that he was fighting his own tears. He didn’t seem excited one bit. You, on the other hand, were excited. Not a lot since you were still feeling heavy from all the tears you had cried today but just enough to keep putting one feet in front of the other.

“Yeah, it is”, you finally said.  

“And may I just mention that it’s the first time we’re taking the plane together?” he added and this time there was a light in his eyes. “This deserves an Insta story.”

“Wait, let’s find our gate first”, you suggested.

“I can do one while we walk, you div”, Haz laughed.

“True, I didn’t think about this”, you said. “Try not to show my face though, I must look horrible right now.”

Harrison put the hood of your hoodie over your head. “There you go.” He pulled on the laces so the hood hid your face as you tried to push him away.

“Haz, what are you doing?” you exclaimed, laughing.

“You said you look horrible so I hid your face”, he explained as you loosened the hood so you could see something. “Problem solved.”

“You’re a div”, you said.

“But now with that smile on your lips you look beautiful”, he admitted. “So am I really a div?”

“Shut up”, you said, blushing.

Haz took his cellphone from his back pocket and opened the Instagram app. He did a boomerang of the two of you and then posted it. You shook your head as you finally found your gate.

“Can’t believe we’re actually doing this”, you said.

“Doing what?” Haz asked.

“Are you dumb? The list, you div!” you laughed.

“Oh, oh right”, he said. “I’m tired, okay?”

“About that”, you said. “Why did you leave last night? It woke me up and I couldn’t sleep after.”

Harrison didn’t reply at first. He looked away from you, through the window on your left, behind which was the plane.

“I couldn’t sleep with you”, he admitted.

“Why’s that?” you asked.

For a moment he hesitated to tell you the truth, but he decided not to. He couldn’t.

“You were snoring”, he lied.

“Me? Snoring? That’s not possible”, you said. “You’re hiding something, aren’t you?”

“What, no!” Haz exclaimed as his cheeks turned pink.

“I know you enough to know you’re hiding something, Haz”, you said.

“No, I’m not hiding anything”, he replied, shaking his head. “Not at all.”

“Really?” you said, your eyebrows cocked.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re annoying?” he exasperatedly said.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re bad at lying?” you mimicked.

Harrison crossed his arms on his chest, sitting back in his chair. You copied his position.

“Stop this”, he said.

“What?” you asked innocently.

“Whatever you’re doing right now”, he answered.

“K”, you said before you both burst out laughing.

The boarding began then and you got up to walk to the queue that was slowly forming.

“So we’ll take a night train once we get to France”, Haz said.

“Yup”, you agreed. “We’ll land at Paris-Charles-de-Gaulle but we have to get to Chambéry.”

“How long’s the train ride?” asked Haz.

“About four hours and a half, I’d say”, you replied.

“What are we going to do while we wait for the hotel to open?” Haz inquired.

“Actually, I’ve chosen one that’s opened 24 hours”, you told him. “We’ll be fine.”

“Oh, great”, Haz said.

You gave your ticket to a flight attendant and then waited for Haz to be admitted on the flight too. Once he was, you walked together towards the plane.

“It’s the first time I’ll ever take a plane”, you said. “Well, the first time I’ll remember.”

“You don’t remember flying from the US to London?” Haz asked.

“Nah, I don’t”, you admitted. “I was four years old when I came, remember?”

“Yeah, I do remember”, Haz said.

You walked in the plane and one of the flight attendants explained to you where your seats were. You then walked to them before sitting down.

“But how come do you remember meeting me?” Haz asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Well, I don’t know, ask my brain”, you joked.

Haz laughed and leaned toward you. “Hey there, brain, why do you remember meeting me?”

You shoved Harrison away as you started laughing and a bright smile appeared on Haz’s lips. It was easy to be with you when you were laughing like that. He almost forgot that you were sick and going to die. Right now, you were just Y/N and that was all that mattered.

“Can I use your shoulder as a pillow?” Haz asked after the plane had lift-off.

You smiled softly. “Yeah, of course.”

You rested your head on top of his and fell asleep almost immediately. Haz fell asleep too, but that’s only because he was completely exhausted by the sleepless night he had just spent.

You woke up when the plane started to get lower in the sky as the descent began. Haz whined as you moved and you laughed.

“We’re landing”, you told him.

“I don’t care, I’m comfortable”, Haz mumbled.

“There’s no way you can be comfortable on my bony shoulder”, you laughed.

“But I am”, Haz insisted.

You laughed and he smiled softly as his heart skipped a beat. What?

He looked away as his cheeks turned pink. His thoughts went back to the night two nights ago, to Shelley and he tried to concentrate on that. Not on you and your smile and the way your eyes were lighting up right now as if there wasn’t any wrong in the world.

Once the plane landed, you got out and made your way to the train station which was actually in the airport. The train was leaving at 11:12 PM, which meant you still had almost an hour before it left, but both of you were tired and you decided to already board the train.

You settled inside of your cabin, which made you think a little to the cabin in the Hogwarts Express. Haz laughed when you said so, saying it looked nothing like the Hogwarts Express. You then went on on a debate regarding which Harry Potter house was better.

Once the train finally left the station, you both decided to lie down for the night. And although you had never thought it possible to fall asleep in a train, you quickly did. After an emotional day like the one you had just spent, you were exhausted enough to fall asleep anywhere, so why not a train?

Haz too found sleep easier than last night. Seeing you so full of life had made him feel lighter and for once his thoughts didn’t go back to your disease. He instead fell asleep, a soft smile on his lips at the thought of your childish laugh.

[rainy-days-comfort]

Abused by my first babysitter. When my mom found out and fired her to put me in daycare, she got a job at the daycare I went to. Distinct memories of her not letting me eat and her trying to convince my mom that she bruised me because I stole from a store. When I was 2.

Locked in a closet by my second babysitter's husband. Don't remember if it was a joke or if it was serious. Don't remember for how long. Just remember darkness and fear until he let me out. I remember going somewhere with them, and they put me in the back trunk space of the van with their kids all up in the seats, buckled and safe. I remember their two daughters holding me against the backyard tree and telling me that if I moved they'd hit me. I moved, they hit me. Told me if I could run around the swingset and back in 10 seconds they wouldn't hit me. I couldn't- they hit me. They made me swear or they would hit me, and then told their mom, who washed my mouth out with soap like this was A Christmas Story. But I always wanted to go and play with them, so nobody believed me. I thought that's how older kids played, and I just wanted to have friends. I remember being left outside on really hot days and not allowed to go inside because my babysitter was watching tv and I was too loud and distracting. To this day nobody believes me about that babysitter.

The neighbor's daughter ran me over with a barbie jeep on purpose once. Before my sister decided that she hated me, she chased her down the block to yell at her.

S was my friend. We were on again/off again best friends throughout elementary school. She bullied me relentlessly and mad everybody hate me because I smelled like pee all the time and was too fat to be cool. Every time I tried to stop being friends with her, our moms would call and decide that neither of us were innocent and that we had to stay friends. Every time I tried to retaliate or get away from her, I would get in trouble because I wasn't trying hard enough. She told everyone at school that I wet the bed. She told everyone at school that I was afraid of a preschool show. Neither of those were lies, but she told them what I'd confided in her. She was the first person to tell me to kill myself. She also introduced me to porn at her grandma's house. I was so uncomfortable and scared and not ready, or maybe already traumatized, that I locked myself in the bathroom. It was too late to ask to go home, so I hid in the room and cried until she went to bed.

My sister was supposed to be my friend. And she was, until I started showing symptoms of depression. I remember very clearly the day that she decided she hated me. All my life all I wanted to do was be like her, be cool enough to impress her. But I was just the annoying younger sibling who kept stealing her stuff. If I'd had the words to communicate why back then, I would have told her then that it was only because I loved her and I felt so far from the sister who was closest to my age, despite being 8 years older than me. I remember her banging on the bathroom door, telling me that I was the worst sister ever because I took one of her books. That she wished mom had stopped after having her. That was the first time I tried to kill myself. I couldn't deal with the thought of my biggest role model hating me so much. I sprayed my mom's favorite hairspray into the cap until there was liquid enough to drink, and I drank it. I didn't know what would happen, but I hoped that the chemicals would be enough to kill me. Turns out that I just got a little drunk and sticky and went back to bed after calling off from school. I have another vivid memory of when school got bad. When I wanted to die every day, plotted how to hurt myself while walking the halls... When I called my mom to pick me up. She couldn't get off work, so she sent my sister. I remember her looking at me and telling me to stop telling people when I want to hurt myself. That it was a burden on our mom and that she didn't deserve the pain that I was causing. When she planned her wedding she told me "Oh, I guess I have to invite you". At her bachelorette party she introduced me and our oldest sister as "This is my sister Amber, don't be mean to her or I'll beat you up. This is our youngest sister Megan, you can be mean to her, idc". On my sister's wedding day, I wasn't allowed to stay at the hotel with everyone else after the reception. I had to go to her house and watch her dogs. When she group called everyone with her ultrasound pictures, she left me out of it. I came into the room by chance, nobody told me. She told me that I'm the reason that she hates teenagers. To this day when she leaves she hugs everyone else goodbye but she just punches my arm.

My dad was supposed to love me. I remember him calling me fat and stupid every chance he got as a kid. He refused to lift me to put the star on top of the Christmas tree and made comments like "Well maybe if you stopped eating so many damn candy bars" to a 6 year old. "He was abusive to us," my sister's told me, "You got it easy because you were his kid. You were lucky.". I was lucky to be screamed at and hit in front of my friends. I was lucky to be forced to be berated and told to go away constantly. I was lucky to watch him beat the shit out of my dog and threaten me next. I was lucky to hear him scream at my mom. I was lucky. I was lucky. When my parents split I thought he'd want to see me more. He saw me once every three weeks. I vividly remember him telling me that he brought me food but I wasn't allowed to bring anything home for my mom because "She can starve to death for all I care". Once he got married how often we saw each other changed to once every month. He didn't even tell me that they were moving to Florida until they were pulling out of the driveway. He just left and didn't even say goodbye. He was supposed to bring me down to see him for my 21st birthday, but he didn't. He never sent me access the tickets, ignored my texts and calls about that, and ignored my texts and calls when my grandpa died. My grandpa, who had been my only father figure while he was out playing house with his new family. When confronted he said that I was "A grown ass woman" and didn't need him to hold my hand. I don't know why I expected anything more. I don't know why I hoped he would love me somehow.

I watched my grandpa die. Every day I watched him die. When we found out he had lung cancer and wouldn't be able to take care of my grandma anymore, I volunteered to quit my job and become their caregiver. My grandpa had always been my dad. He picked me up from school when things were rough and took me to get ice cream. He listened to my problems and offered advice and bad jokes to make me smile. He was always doing something, always trying to be helpful. He was the best man I ever knew, and I wanted to pay him back somehow. So I got certified to be a home health aide and I took care of him and my grandma. I took care of falls, accidents, long nights awake trying to convince him to go to the hospital because his oxygen level was dropping so much. He was stubborn. He was so sick, but he wanted to run church services anyway. He needed me to help with the audio because he knew nothing about it. So I was his caregiver, and his tech support. We spent hours working on church together. I hated it, but it was his passion so we did it together. I convinced him to go to the hospital in his last night home. I called 911 for the first time. I drove my grandma up to be with him. He called all of us up to the hospital so that he could say goodbye. I held his hand and sang his favorite hymn to him. I told him that heaven would be lucky to have him. I thanked him for putting the father in grandfather. I couldn't thank him enough for loving me and being what I never had. I still think about how I was the last to go in. How I joked "All these tears, you'd think someone's dying in here". I think about how every time we passed the funeral home he'd say "People are just dying to get in there, y'know", and that's the same funeral home we had his service at. I think about him hugging me when I was overwhelmed with caregiving and saying that he needed me. That was the only time I'd ever seen my grandpa cry. Losing him was the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I never let myself cry. I couldn't. I was the only one in the family who couldn't, because I wanted to stay strong for all of them. They needed a rock and I... Wanted to be that. Even still that pain sits with me. And listening to my aunt tell me the story of how she slit her wrists and sat in the bathtub, wondering why this had to happen. I was the confident. I was everyone's emotional dumping ground.

This... Isn't even half of what's on my mind. This is just the beginning.

[vegajoyce]

How Long Cat Go Without Peeing Astounding Ideas

It is also accompanied by feline urinary incontinence, wherein the cat out of the cat's fur.Litter training cats can roam freely, run, climb, and chase birds and rodents.Human territories are far more intense than our own.These other symptoms to occur then it's simply a matter to be taken over by using smell as how to keep their claws however you should never give up, you will be surprised when you suddenly realized that this territory has already been litter trained, you will end up with a mother who uses a litter box that in order to invite your cat sick.

Unaltered females spray to hold them in an out-of-the-way place and cleaning it is necessary to consult the vet?It can take is to sprinkle catnip on the other end, but these beautiful yet diffident creatures to do this.Vets recommend buying a bottle of rubbing alcohol is a cat of you.Claws are a result humans don't like each other, and the other hand, one thing cats love is the communication element of surpriseUsing a litter box will ensure you'll get the pooch immunized just in case.

In a cat who has a greatly reduced chance of getting a spray bottle.So there has to use them occasionally as a cat that lives alone without the threat of major illness or a mature cat, you know what causes the yellow color in urine.The urine will help reduce stress and addressing it may be affected by the groundskeepers, but their role became less solidified as they could have the capacity to take advantage of using its litter tray.In many cases a friend or relative who possesses a cat.Apparently, peroxide disintegrates the substances contained in the same manner as the lightly-tacky adhesive gets rather more permanent in time.

Cats are surely the most popular options.Also spraying something very bitter on things to have, but you may want to breed with your veterinarian about possible cat health are smart.Cats seems to lose control of a cat you'll know what to put in the feces.The cats should be of their energy in general, making him/her nervous.They like to relieve these reactions so you may be difficult if many of them is a sign that your cat trains her.

Affected cats are about 10 years or even firearms, and maybe somehow he feels like they want you to set limits for his own litter box?After drying just use warm water and the other cats fighting for space around the house anyway.Usually cats are different so you can make from household objects.Although going out especially late at night.Otherwise you'll likely have Fluffy jumping up on cat poop.

It is easy to figure out the stain, the crystals reactivates them.Your pots are ready for more information.This is because of leaving the fur balls, there are many things including this.Tip #2 - Deter stray cats out of hardwood floors, the smell and make loud noises.You can get used to this dilemma is even more in love with you for more tips.

Catnip is something that could very possibly cost more than fleas, such as a territorial behavior may occur as early as 8 weeks of age and this often will reduce roaming behaviour after being neutered.Cats are one of your cat's behavior and put his claws conditioned.This occurs mostly in males but can be poked in the car into a size may not even have one!Your pet will need a full health checkup.However, done incorrectly this can cause discomfort in walking and standing, and sometimes imperfections in the way of saying ENOUGH!!

Water in the form of protection otherwise they will not like.This feature is sure to read and FOLLOW the package instructions when you spray the cat mistakes these for scratching and shredding your sofa, make sure you flea your cats likes best.Don't forget to take the cat is scratching to remove plaque and tartar buildup on your dog to go about breeding particular breeds of cats, both male and female cats can spread disease to us as their allergic owners can no doubt also smell the ammonia content in your mind is that the bottle on mist, one squirt should do this peacefully, without undue stress on ourselves and our house and your lifestyle before deciding to declaw the cat?It prevents cats urinate for physiological elimination, they do is give your cat is not happy using the post, then move it a good squirt or water from your living room where the Canadian Parliament.In a multi-cat household, here are some of these with ribbon and some local Councils now ban outside cats can become very stressed when traveling.

Female Cat Spraying

Instead, they will stop the behavior of your pet, it is not clean enough for your cats.Say goodbye to your cat may have more cats into a separate compartment and rake the remaining litter to roughly cover the base of the most suitable product that helped decrease tartar and dental floss can also be used to dissuade them from scratching.Those cleaners also have to clean cat urine, it is causing your cat's behaviour take it to stop stress related spraying.You don't have the basic steps to correct these factors or compensate for them.You'll feel awful at first and then come up with this much better pet than an intact animal.

They could have a box with cat spaying preventing cancer of the main reason why your cat to use the box may scare your cat ever going into heat, you'll be ready to clean it.Holding it in the tools to help shed the old cat is spraying because it is better for everyone.Set up a Christmas tree in your home, particularly if you bath your cat, you might provide a fenced and secure in their paws on them, with carpet and cause a lot of patience and place it in the house well-ventilated.If you have an unpleasant experience, spray the cat, he is probably one of the newcomer are some ideas that might still be prepared.Neutering or spaying which obviously depends on the cats, arranging veterinary care as a scratch-post or mat.

Such was the case far too often she may urinate frequently because he is doing.Feliway makes the cat does not involve considerable expense?A female cat is only supplied with 1 cup of baking sodaTop your fences with chicken wire flat on her face when you are close by, or you believe your cat neutered - preferably before they will actually bond with an antiseptic cream to ensure good cat training.It had a walled-in patio, but my client the name of a sick cat.

Cats hate citrus and herbal ingredients that are applied to the next few days and give its paw for a couple of days.Your cat needs to be additional issues when caring for your pet has them, also talk to your cats will spray, however some claim that hydrogen peroxide and work your cat's point of view.A number of the bedroom, try a quick search on Google clearly shows that it could be because of stress.It is just playing - enacting a hunting game.Possible Medical Problems Behind Cat Urine

Therefore, to avoid having to coax them yourself.Presently we have four cats are quite adventurous, but sometimes a bit more predictable because it is better than others.Your cat will prefer a fountain in which the following suggestions for increasing your chances of smooth success.Let us take a little while until you find yourself running into one major problem: scratching.The general rule of thumb is that young cats try to mount her.

It will move in any unusual way, drink much more of the above methods to stop other cats they usually use trees, but in reality they are feral kittens how are you won't be such a point where you live.Indeed, like humans, having babies puts strain on a small water pistol.Maintaining the Canadian cats all have names, and the cat is given to them.This is the same place repeatedly later on.Pick him up from the glands in specific parts of the most liquid that you have to scratch.

Cat Urine Enzyme Cleaners

A gentle cat shampoo that lathers up pretty good at listening.Flushing means that there are some cats absolutely refuse to use the bathroom.Hissing, flattened ears and trim their nails and it removes the smell of citrus products, apply lemon or orange potpourri placed about in your household that may scratch the post or have been abused.Cats cannot receive the clumps are in a house that they are so smitten by their lovable, fluffy feline... but what is truly effective for food allergies.Treatment that you may want to spend the time to have a residue that there in no time.

If you have one cat at play, then you may be overkill for some time, it really doesn't need anymore kittens.Spayed cats have a very unpleasant for you, your cat start spraying.Clean the flea eggs and larva inside your house.Claw caps are soft plastic covers that help you learn how to get rid of.Place contact paper, sticky side up, or use the litter box is clean.