#to a certain infamous Survivor moment.
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I have a defense of Jake
I dunno how liked Jake is here as an individual. But people didn’t like the poor guy on YouTube so… I’m here, hello hi 😊 my credentials are: I love Jake and I binged seasons 1 and 2 last week 😊
Jake is characterized as… well… gullible. Too trusting and too sensitive. But is that fair? … Yes 😓 I like Jake. But yes 😊 BUT! Okay, but >_> Jake… went through A LOT on Disventure Camp and before it. Before the show he said he recently ended a toxic relationship. And DURING the show, he lost his grandmother, who he really loved and cared, while he was on a reality show. He couldn’t see her, he couldn’t say goodbye >_<
THEN, a couple episodes, if not the next episode I don’t remember, later, he finds out his best friend, and crush, was lying to him the whole game. He’s already messed up emotionally from his grandmother passing, now this? Of course the guys gonna lash out >_>
Now, the part I think people were ACTUALLY upset at him about, The Ellie Thing, which extends into The Tom Thing. Now, listen. We saw Jake and Ellie bonding from the day Ellie transferred to the Teal Team. They became good friends. You can say what you want about him, but you can’t say he’s not loyal. he was loyal to the guys alliance with Dan and Tom, he was loyal to Miriam, and he WAS loyal to Ellie. I think it’s… fairly reasonable to expect the same loyalty in return.
Now, yes, it’s a game. But Jake never treated it as such. He forged GENUINE connections. With Miriam, with Tom of course, and, he thought, with Ellie. So, when his Good Friend Ellie tells him he overheard Tom saying horrible things, he doesn’t want to believe it. But he also doesn’t want to believe his Good Friend Ellie would blatantly lie to his face. And, let’s not forget, he did TRY to talk to Tom, but Ellie would NOT let him. Immediately after Ellie said her lie he said ‘I should go talk to Tom and get his side.’ but she shuts it down and feeds more to him. Now, again, was he being gullible? Yes 😊 that’s not the argument here, that he’s not gullible >_> the ARGUMENT is… the guy was FUCKED up from episode 5 all the way up until his elimination
Now time for ✨The Tom Thing✨ I would like to start this by saying… I legitimately love Jake and Tom as a couple. And I hope they get back together in All Stars. Call me delusional if you want, I don’t care 😊. With that saaaaid… Yeah Jake and Tom were uh… a little messy. To put it lightly. They started off as friends, and as the show went on they started flirting and they started to develop feelings for each other. Very cute :3 But the problems start when Jake finds out Tom was lying to him about being a spy and why he was even there. Now, you’re on tumblr. Chances are you have mental illness 😊 /j. Tell me you wouldn’t ALSO go down Jake’s train of thought? … Exactly, I would too >_>
We find out that due to Jake and Tom’s argument being uploaded to the internet, Tom was fired from his job. Jake immediately apologizes, or tries to, but is pushed away. Literally. Later that same episode they get to talk properly and Jake DOES apologize and promise to be better. Tom apologizes too and they promise to be better with communicating with each other. In the spirit of that, Tom tells Jake the real reason he was on the show, and his job, takes off his mask, he confesses he’s ashamed of his scars. Jake says he thinks Tom looks good and then they kiss, starting their relationship properly. Yay happy ending :3
… I wish >_> THEN, the aforementioned Ellie Thing happens. And, again, Jake, to his credit, DOES try to talk to Tom right up to the end but is always cockblocked by Ellie. Fiore and Alec, mostly Fiore, enact their own plan of exposing Ellie and making Tom use his Immunity Totem incorrectly on Jake which causes him to go home, with Tom blaming Jake for it because he believed Ellie and ‘didn’t try to hear his side’, when Jake did try >_>, but Tom was angry, I get it. On his way out, he yells at Jake to never talk to him again. If it seems like the official launch of their relationship didn’t last long it’s because it didn’t 😓 but not in a queer baity way, I don’t think.
Anyway, in conclusion: I love Jake. His character was genuinely interesting and sympathetic to me. Especially his storyline with Miriam, those were my favorite parts to see ☺️ Was Jake perfect? No. Did he make mistakes? Yes. Will he fix these mistakes in All Stars? He better >_> depending on how much time has passed between these seasons he really could have worked on himself, maybe even started therapy ☺️ I want the best for Jake and I want the best for Tom and I want the best for the both of them together because I love them together >_>
#Disventure Camp#Jake (Disventure Camp)#Tom (Disventure Camp)#Jaketom#Tomjake#Disventure Camp Season 1#Analysis#I guess 😶#siddy rambles#siddy rants#I love Tomjake#but it’s not my favorite DC ship#That honor goes to Jaiden 😊#I DID think that Jake’s grandma was a reference at first.#to a certain infamous Survivor moment.#I quickly realized it wasn’t and it hit me like a trick >_>
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Ghosts In The Snow
Chapter Seven
Pairing: Vampire!Kylo Ren x Reader AU
Summary: Six long years had passed under the reign of the First Order. The bitter winters grew longer, and as they did, hope faded from the hearts of the citizens of Hosnian Prime. As a lieutenant in the Resistance cavalry, it was your duty to nurture that ember of hope. After a mission takes an unexpected turn, you are taken prisoner by a commander in the First Order, a mysterious man with an insatiable appetite—for violence, power, and you. In the coming days, you must keep the spark of your own hope alive from the dark confines of the Commander's castle.
Warnings: sexual content, violence, blood kink, gore, mentions/descriptions of injury and death
*concurrently being published on AO3 and Wattpad as well!
Chapter I
Chapter II
Chapter III
Chapter IV
Chapter V
Chapter VI
Spotify Playlist
Word count: 3.6k
Chapter-specific CW: torture (what fun!), period-typical sexism
A/N: the dead speak! lmao at least that's what it feels like coming back after an entire YEAR??? I kinda got sucked into playing 1,200+ hours of baldur's gate 3, romancing a certain vampiric elf time and time again, which gave me plenty of inspiration to continue this fic. I never meant to be gone for so long, so if you're still interested in this story, please let me know!
───────── ❅ 🦇 ❅ ─────────
What have you done?
To say that you were restless would be an understatement. The first order of business when you returned to your chambers was finding a safe place to store your stolen weapon, and now, hours later, you had yet to succeed.
You paced the room, wearing holes in the soles of your slippers as you wondered if you had made the right decision. It was unlike you to have sticky fingers, but then again, these were unprecedented times. Boldness meant survival.
Above all, you feared Ren was privy to your thievery, despite his silence on the walk back to your chambers. The prick of blood seemed enough to distract him for a moment, or perhaps he was practiced in hiding his tells. Either way, the consequences of him knowing gnawed at your sanity.
Rey had tended the hearth while you were away, ensuring your chambers were kept warm and filled with the familiar scent of dry wood. Her diligence as a handmaid proved to be an unforeseen complication in hiding your contraband.
Instinct urged you to keep it close to your bed, but reason told you it would be found too easily there. Same with the lounges circling the hearth, whose velour cushions could conceal many things if asked to. Though a dagger lodged in one’s rear would raise many concerns, as well as promise unspeakable punishments to come.
For these reasons, you ultimately settled on the bookcase.
Towering in the corner was a collection of books and texts, dense enough to put even the most curious scholars to sleep. A perfect place to hide a dagger.
Dragging a footstool over as a makeshift ladder, you reached for a leather-bound book embossed with gold letters along its spine. Imperium Nunquam Fuit. Though written in Old Basic, you understood its meaning.
The Empire That Never Was. A phrase coined by Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin to describe the destruction of Alderaan during the Revolution. An unsavory way to speak about a fallen civilization—considering he was the man responsible.
You made quick work of hollowing the historical text, skimming the page you’d turned to before defacing it. This passage detailed the last of the Imperial attacks on Alderaan, near the end of the Rebellion. One of the more infamous sieges of the war, earning its place in history with a tithe of blood and destruction.
The lines of script told the story of how Imperial soldiers salted Alderaan’s lands and butchered the citizens—babes and crones included. The Empire was thorough, wiping out an entire civilization over a mere conspiracy. With few survivors, and even fewer successors, Alderaanian blood was a rarity. You supposed that was one of the many things that set General Organa apart from the rest.
Considering the contents, it was a book of little interest to the First Order—a perfect hiding place.
The point of your blade pierced the parchment with ease, as if slicing through a block of butter rather than a thousand-page text. Tragic as it was to ruin a book like this, what other choice did you have? Hosnian Prime’s Grand Archives likely stored dozens of copies; one locked away in the depths of the First Order’s fortress would not be missed.
The fit was snug, but it would do for now. As for the pages you’d carved out, they laid in a pile at your feet, a messy reminder that your room was not private.
You slammed the book shut and returned it, hurrying to clean the shreds of paper scattered across the red carpets. Despite your efforts, the fragments proved too difficult to clean with just your hands alone, forcing you to sweep them into your skirts.
As you carried the pieces to the hearth, a gentle knock sounded through the oak doors. “Gods,” you muttered as you rushed towards the fire, dumping the pages unceremoniously onto the crackling wood.
Another rap on the door.
“Just a moment, please!” It was impossible to hide the panic in your voice as you prodded at the withering pages with an iron poker. Time seemed to slow as you watched the flames engulf the ink, turning Alderaan’s history to ash once more.
“It’s me, my lady.” Muffled by the wood, Rey’s voice was barely audible over the fire, hissing with fresh fodder. If any good came from her being your visitor, it was her staunch etiquette. She would not barge in uninvited—unlike some of the castle’s residents.
Brushing the slivers of evidence from your gown, you opened the doors, mindful of the lingering ash in the hearth. “My apologies. I was…” You cleared your throat, smoothing out your skirts before finishing your lie. “Indecent.”
Demure as ever, Rey dropped her gaze as she curtseyed before you. “It’s no matter, my lady. I was sent to fetch you; the Supreme Leader requests your presence.”
The moment his name left her lips, cotton filled your mouth, forcing its way down your throat as you swallowed your fear. What reason would the Supreme Leader have to summon you—at this late hour, no less?
Your thoughts immediately turned to Commander Ren. Perhaps he had noticed your theft after all and reported your offence to Snoke. If that were true, you vowed to slice his throat first.
“Did he give a reason?” you asked, trying to maintain your resolve.
Rey’s throat knocked in her slender neck. “He did not say.”
Part of you wanted to take the damned blade with you, but recklessness wouldn’t serve you. Though you did not recognize him as your ruler, you were not keen on adding treason to your ledger.
You sighed, coming to stand beside Rey at the door, shoulders pressed back and hands folded over your lap. “I’m surprised he didn’t send you with manacles.”
She said nothing, but the trace smile on her lips told you all that you needed to know. You couldn’t blame her for watching her tongue around you. Given what transpired last night, you would do the same in her position.
The two of you walked in near silence to the throne chambers, passing countless tall windows with panes stained a deep red, dark enough to block most light from entering. What little light did manage to seep through painted the halls crimson, giving the appearance of blood spilling over the floor.
The burned pages of text flashed in your mind.
Every step forward was committed to memory, including the number of paces between notable fixtures, as well as where each one stood in relation to your chambers. Still, there was no sign of an access point in this section of the castle. But your resolve did not falter. If there was a means of entry into this accursed fortress, there must also be a means of escape.
As you rounded the corner to another corridor, you glanced at your handmaid, noticing that her usual singular bun had evolved into three smaller ones, meeting the nape of her neck in a uniform line.
“You’ve changed your hair.” The observation came out as more of a question than a comment.
“Yes, my lady,” she said, delicate fingers reaching to touch the one near her collar. “An effort to be closer to the gods.”
You furrowed your brows. “How’s that?”
“As there are three of them, there are three knots. We servants are forbidden to worship openly, so we find other ways.” She closed her eyes for a moment, tilting her chin towards her chest. “Divine strength allows clarity of the mind.”
While you were not necessarily a pious woman, you were familiar enough with the gods from your upbringing to understand what she meant. As a child, you often prayed at your family’s shrine, asking for a bountiful harvest, good health, and, most of all, peace in the realm. For many years, they fulfilled your wishes. Now, your faith provided you with little comfort.
“Certainly,” you said, not wanting to discuss the subject any further. “Are we nearly there?”
“Just down this hall,” she said, her tone clipped. Either she was annoyed with the change of subject, or just as uneasy about seeing the Supreme Leader as you were.
True to her word, Rey came to a stop near the end of the corridor, leaving a short distance between you and the two looming oak doors, with iron enforcements woven into the grain and a guard posted on either side. Their faces were concealed by crimson veils, the signature regalia of the Praetorian Guard. Those tasked with protecting the ruler of these lands, whether they carried the title of Chancellor, Emperor, or Supreme Leader.
The warmth drained from your face at the sight.
“This is where I leave you, my lady.” Her face lacked its usual peachy hue, her freckles washed away by the candlelight. “The Supreme Leader does not allow us to enter these chambers, save for when he is passing judgment upon us.”
Standing before the faceless guards, you understood her unease.
“Will you be here to escort me back?” you asked, palms growing damp as you clutched the fabric of your gown.
“It is late. I must turn in for the evening.” She shifted her weight, eyes darting between you and the guards, whose presence seemed to loom over you from meters away. “Besides, I should think you do not require my assistance from this point.”
With that, she turned on her heels and retreated, her steps muted as she faded into the stretching darkness of the hallway. Turning to face the guards, dread settled in your stomach. Surely these warriors would not accompany you back to your chambers.
You studied them for a moment, the strategist in your mind seeking to understand what threat they posed. Both were tall and well-fed, given the size of their uniforms. The one to your left carried a bisento, while the other held a tall voulge, both equally unnerving. Their blades were pristine, foreign to combat. You wondered if the same could be said for those wielding them, too.
As if seeking to test your theory, they readied their weapons as you approached, each blade humming as it sliced through the air.
You came to a halt, the hair on the back of your neck now stiff. “I’ve been summoned by the Supreme Leader.”
The two remained poised to strike for a long moment before returning to their sentry state, offering one another a brisk nod as they pushed the heavy doors open, revealing the grand throne room. With tentative steps, you approached, pausing at the threshold.
Black marble columns lined the walkway to the throne, each manned by a knight of the Praetorian Guard, their crimson armor matching the First Order banners draped along the cobbled walls. Above the throne was the room’s sole window, with red stained panels filling the space between the spokes of the First Order insignia. Six steps carved of the same dark mineral as the columns led to the throne, lined with black velvet upholstery and a towering slate backing. Perched comfortably in the seat was Supreme Leader Snoke, draped in golden robes that flowed over his limbs like smelted ore, barely concealing the matching jewelry wrapped snugly around his fingers.
The paragon of humility.
He was joined by another: the fire-haired General Hux. His gaze snapped to you as the doors creaked open, beady eyes piercing you like darts from across the chamber.
“Ah, my guest of honor,” Snoke crooned, clasping his hands before his chest in delight. His tone fell icy as he turned to address the General. “Leave us.”
Confusion spread across his pale features as he turned to face Snoke once more. “But, Supreme Leader, there is still much to be discussed.”
“Perhaps I did not make myself clear. You are to leave these chambers at once, General Hux, or you will be removed.” Snoke’s gravelly voice rumbled through the hall with the force of a thousand footsteps, and reluctantly, Hux obeyed.
You watched the scene play out before you from the safety of the doorway, your feet rooted to the floor.
Snoke relaxed in his chair once more, beckoning you in with a hand gesture. “Please, come in, darling.”
Willing your feet to move, you did as he asked, eyes flitting between the Praetorian guard and the approaching General Hux, whose expression could only be described as irate as he brushed past you, black coat fluttering behind him.
Your heart was lodged in your throat as you neared the throne, feeling like a lamb being shepherded towards the maw of a lion. You stopped in line with the last of the guards before the Supreme Leader, leaving some distance still.
Snoke watched you with keen eyes, a stark contrast to his stoic front. “I do hope you are well, my dear. I can only imagine the days spent in anticipation of your wedding are agonizing.”
You frowned. “Is that why you summoned me? To ask me about my wedding?”
“Of course not. But pleasantries are the foundation of any proper conversation.” The humor fell from his voice. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes, Supreme Leader.” The words left a sour taste in your mouth, like wine crafted from grapes plucked too early.
Satisfied, he settled back into his throne, resting his hands over the ornate armrests. “See? Deference needn’t be cumbersome.”
His mocking tone made your vision red, but you held your tongue. Invisible threads tied you to him and his guards, each one pulled taught in the silence. It would take nothing more than a misstep to cause one of them to snap.
He spoke again, this time with authority. “It has come to my attention that you are unaware of what is expected of you as a noblewoman.”
You let out a terse exhale. “I suppose I am. Perhaps that is because of the conditions under which I am becoming one.”
A thin smile curled on the Supreme Leader’s lips. “These are unprecedented times, lieutenant.”
The emphasis on your title made your skin crawl. Snoke was calculated, sadistic. With his power, he was untouchable. The red veils surrounding you served as a constant reminder of his invulnerability.
“Now, I am curious. How did you manage that?” he added, tilting his head in intrigue. “A commoner like yourself rising to the rank of a commanding officer is no easy feat—even more so for a woman.”
You narrowed your eyes. “I hardly see how this is relevant to my new status as a noblewoman.”
Despite your outward naivety, you knew too well what being a noblewoman would entail. You’d known from the moment your betrothal was announced. You were to be the docile wife of a commander, providing him an heir, a spare, and a warm bed whenever he pleased. Your military career would be swept away by the title of Lady Ren, all traces of your independence lost to time. You couldn’t think of anything less appealing.
“As a Lady of the First Order, you will be granted privileges seldom given to others, such as this.” Snoke motioned to the surrounding space, and you found yourself unable to decipher his meaning.
He isn’t referring to having an audience with the ruler of the realm as a privilege, is he?
He continued, “The safety of the castle. Our stronghold. You will be protected within its walls.”
Oh. Of course.
You suppressed a scoff. “I find that hard to believe, considering Commander Ren has attempted to strangle me twice over since my arrival.”
“I see,” he mused, pressing an index finger to his lips in thought. “My mercurial underling. If only his mind were half as quick as his temper.”
Somehow, your first instinct was to defend Commander Ren from his inflaming remark. While the Supreme Leader was correct about Ren’s temperament, he didn’t see the side of him that you saw—however infrequently it may have showed itself. There was a tenderness to him, fleeting in nature, like a luminescent star ripping through the night sky. You saw it in his eyes as he sat before your hearth, again when he laced your bodice.
Or perhaps what you felt was just the lingering effects of his charm.
Snoke’s rough voice broke your reverie. “Nevertheless, I’m sure Commander Ren had his reasons. Just as I’m sure whatever actions may have led to these outbursts will cease henceforth, won’t they?”
Before you could answer, a searing pain sliced through your skull, its barbed tendrils reaching into the deepest part of your consciousness. Every muscle in your body became succinctly rigid, frozen in place as an invisible force suspended you midair. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to call out; for the gods, for your mother—even for Commander Ren.
“You will behave yourself, insolent girl, or you will be disposed of.”
Despite your efforts, no sound would come from your throat. An eternity seemed to pass as the Supreme Leader kept you trapped, holding your feet to the fire of his anger. Mustering every ounce of strength, you forced your chin down in agreement, hot tears distorting your vision.
Without moving a muscle, he relinquished his hold on you, your knees cracking against the marble floor in an instant. The violet fabric of your gown pooled around you like the blood of a slain enemy, collecting the tears that fell from your chin.
Before you could find your voice, the creak of wood and subsequent rustling of armor behind you swiped your attention. The guards had readied their weapons, aiming at something other than you.
You flinched as the doors slammed shut, followed by a heavy—yet quick—footfall.
“What is the meaning of this?” Commander Ren’s voice was biting, filled with untamed fury as he entered the grand hall. His cloak rippled behind him like the night sea, silver sword in hand as he marched forward.
You scurried backwards on your tender palms, caught between his rage and the throne. He drew closer, only stopping at the intersection of two of the guards’ blades.
“Commander Ren, what a welcome surprise,” Snoke crooned. “Your bride was just leaving.”
His eyes found yours in an instant—wild and dark. Silently, you pleaded for his cooperation. If he were to strike at the guard, your life would be forfeit.
Outnumbered by eight blades, he stowed his own. “What have you done?” he demanded.
Though he was looking at you, his question was directed at the man atop the throne, whose enthusiasm at his subordinate’s display was palpable.
“Nothing you have not already done yourself,” Snoke growled. With that, he stood to his feet and stepped down from his throne, closing the gap you’d deliberately left and standing over you. “See her back to her chambers, Commander.”
A snarl flashed across Ren’s face as he pushed past the guards and kneeled before you, extending a gloved hand for you. Though he was quiet, his eyes were heavy with guilt.
With legs like a new foal, you accepted his help, gripping his hand like a lifeline as you stood. “Thank you.” The words floated from your mouth, burning your throat as they passed through.
He only nodded in return, guiding you away from the chamber. Because of his intrusion, the outer guards were now sealed inside, allowing some privacy in the dimly lit hall.
Ren came to a halt, moving both of his cool hands to rest on your shoulders, inspecting you. “Are you hurt?”
Averting your eyes, you shook your head dismissively, ignoring how your knees seemed to rattle with every step.
He let out an amused hum. “I find that hard to believe.”
“Believe what you will, Commander,” you managed to say through your dry mouth. “I’m fine.”
At that, the two of you carried on in silence, meandering through the castle, passing knights and servants alike down each corridor. Ren’s emotion rolled off of him like heat from a flame, slowly dwindling the further you were from the throne room.
As your legs regained their strength, so did your voice. “How did you know I was in there?”
“Does that really matter?”
“I’d say so. For all I know, you’re the reason he summoned me in the first place,” you argued, head spinning as you tried to recognize your surroundings. Only when you realized these walls were unfamiliar did your pace falter. “Stop!”
He obeyed, meeting you where you stood. “What?”
“Answer me.”
He let out a terse breath. “No, I am not the reason he summoned you. Come, we can discuss this later.”
At that, he began his stride again, but you didn’t follow. “No. I will not take one more step. Not before I know where you are taking me, as it is clearly not my chambers.”
“I’m bringing you somewhere private,” he finally answered.
“Are my chambers not private enough?”
“By the gods,” he hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “As I’m sure you’re well aware, it is unbecoming of me to be seen entering your chambers before we are wed.”
You scoffed. “How pragmatic of you.”
Ignoring your comment, he continued, “After your encounter with the Supreme Leader, I think it’s best if we avoid unnecessary speculation—for your sake.”
You couldn’t argue with him. If Snoke was inclined to submit you to the rawest agony over the slightest display of defiance, you could only imagine what else he was capable of.
“Fine,” you conceded, seeing reason in his words. “But let it be known that my cooperation does not reflect my satisfaction with this decision.”
A smile ghosted over his lips. “I know.”
#y/n and her scary dog privilege#ben solo#ben solo x reader#kylo ren#kylo ren x reader#kylo ren x y/n#kylo ren x you#ben solo x fem!reader#ben solo x you#star wars#star wars fanfiction#star wars self insert#kylo ren smut#ben solo smut#my writing#vampire!kylo#vampire kylo#vampire kylo ren#medieval!kylo#medieval kylo ren#medieval ben solo
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do u have any fic recs for stories that include morally ambiguous or questionable characters? kinda like collateral? open to either x reader or mxm. i have a mighty need & love your content & trust your judgment on fic 💜 thank u for sharing all ur hard work with us! x
ohhhhh do i???
i just want to preface with: these fics are often very dark, and in some ways very fucked up. there are actions in the fics that i do not condone. i will add some general warnings but please read every warning before proceeding if you are sensitive to anything. (i personally dive headfirst without reading any warnings bc i thrive on chaos and nothing bothers me. idk what kind of person that makes me.)
also, i will eventually add links to all of these on @nabiolivereads so if folks are into the heavier, darker stuff, know that soon there will be reviews for that kind of content over there, as well.
*places an arm gently around anon's shoulder and leads then through a beaded of curtain into the secret back room of my fic recs, where only esteemed customers are allowed to go*
first of all: i am pretty sure none of these fics are on tumblr. i assume you're down to clown on ao3, and all of them are open to the general public, anyway.
i haven't read a ton of mafia/fics like Collateral, but here are things with very morally ambiguous characters. and many of them are darker, in some ways, than Collateral is.
Fatal Compulsion by Vmintie ↳ Jimin, the only survivor of the Yongsan Ripper's prolific killing spree, is put immediately under police protection. Months later, the killer comes back for him. ❣ series, 251,009 wc ❣ Jimin x Taehyung with side pairings and other members ❣ serial killer, smut, angst, fear, toxic relationship, manipulation, graphic violence, torture & murder, cliffhanger ending. this is my favorite fic of all time. i know it has a hefty wordcount but you get so swept up into the story. i revisit certain chapters all the time.
Jewel of Busan and Butcher of Seoul by Vmintie ↳ Jimin finds himself embroiled in a heist that is set to bring about the fall of an empire. Taehyung is in on the action for reasons of his own. Jungkook wants Jimin the way a spoilt child wants a toy. And over it all sits Mother, the mysterious matriarch of Seoul's largest mob syndicate. Chaos is a ladder and its rungs are slick with blood. ❣ 2 stories in one series, 183,142 wc and 243812 ec, respectively ❣ Jimin x Taehyung with side pairings and other members ❣ mafia au, smut, angst, toxic relationship, manipulation, a smattering of accidental incest, major character deaths, unhappy ending. i cannot say enough about this series. it is so fucked up and so fun to read. i fucking cried like a baby, but god, it was so worth it.
lostland. by Daebon ↳ The moment Jimin saw Min Yoongi all those years ago, he knew he was in trouble. Seeing him now as a professor, with his thick-rimmed glasses and pressed suits, Jimin can feel himself slipping again. It’s a good thing he’s being distracted by his new friend Hoseok, the campus’ most infamous and straightest fuckboy, or he could really get himself into quite a mess. Oh, wait. He never saw it coming. ❣ series, 174,254 wc ❣ Jimin x Hoseok & Jimin x Yoongi ❣ college au, murder mystery, smut, angst, a smattering of accidental incest (idk why i find this in stories lmao i do not go searching for it), age gap, underage (a 23 yo has feelings for a 16 yo & those feelings aren't acted upon until 16 yo becomes of age, but still.) this story is a fucking roller coaster and it is definitely not for everyone.
Perfect by Hiromi_20 ↳ "I've wanted you for so long," Jin whispers, mouth only a hair away from your own. You can't move, can't look away, helpless against this spell he's weaving around you. You can almost believe this is a sweet, romantic little moment. If only it was that simple. "And you're finally mine." ❣ oneshot, 7,251 wc ❣ Seokjin x Female Reader ❣ yandere, non-con, smut, restraints, forced orgasms. i don't even know what to say tbh. it's.........just very sexy. and very wrong. but very sexy.
The One by nicedress ↳ Every stamen lured into Yoongi’s bed leaves him with a new blossom on his skin and a new grave on his property. When he encounters Namjoon, a stamen who refuses to touch any pistil unless it’s his soulmate, all Yoongi sees is someone naive and easy to control. Someone to help around the farm without complaint. Someone to dig holes without realizing they’re graves. Someone Yoongi’s not quite willing to kill—not yet. ❣ oneshot, 27,176 wc ❣ Yoongi x Namjoon ❣ pistilverse au, serial killer, some violence. this story is absolutely perfect.
Honorable mention:
Between Two Sinners by LoquaciousLo ↳ In which you find yourself praying against your growing desires for the pastor's son - and his best friend - only to find it in the most faithless of places. When devils are sweet and their faces come in sets of two, what are you supposed to do? Will you resist? Or succumb to temptation? ❣ series, 114,672 wc ❣ Yoongi x Female Reader x Jimin ❣ son of a preacher, non-con, smut, a little angst. this story is incomplete, and i have only read the first few chapters anyway. but it's quite fun, if you're into this sort of thing.
also, i assume you have read more of mine than Collateral, but i have a handful of fics with very shady characters if you want more recs from my own pile, such a Boy Blue, Deadly Desire, Dollhouse, Abyss, With You Always, Consecration, Stuck, A Lamb in Wolf’s Clothing. 😈 have fuuuun!!!
if anyone has any recs along these lines, i am always open to read more! plz lmk!
#lovely anon#dark fic recs#seriously all of these are pretty fucked up#don't go into this list lightly#you've got mail 💌
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the bags under leon’s eyes are a permanent fixture now, the bruiselike stains giving him a faux raccoon-eyed appearance. in contrast to him? ada is immaculate, and if he hadn’t witnessed proof of her mortality with his own eyes, that she could bleed, leon would consider her on an entirely separate level of existence from his own, rubbing shoulders with guardian angels. even now, the notion that his hands could pass through her own at any moment lingered in the back of his mind, and from leon’s point of view, it was not altogether unfounded, especially after her unexpected return from the dead.
❝ well, time certainly hasn’t made you any less secretive, ada. some things never change. ❞ torn between familiar frustration at the lack of a true answer, and the bittersweet comfort of at least one thing in his life remaining consistent, leon doesn’t pry further. you can’t squeeze blood from a stone, and ada wong is a figure carved from grecian marble. she’s certain to outlast him, come hell and come fire, come whatever may. right?
❝ you should look me up sometime, if you're ever in the area. ❞ leon doesn't even want to consider what business would bring someone as infamous as ada wong so unnervingly close to the american capital; he puts it firmly out of his mind, resigned to cross that bridge only when they come to it, and, selfishly, not a moment sooner. despite his concern? leon can't keep the hopeful timbre out of his voice at the suggestion that they might soon meet together under different circumstances than the standard life-or-death variety. ❝ i try not to mix work and play too intimately. politician's son. ❞ she is not the only one who can wield her charms to an advantage; it had been a fumbling effort on his part initially, but once leon recognized where his strengths lay and put aside his sense of propriety, trading favors for additional freedoms had come like second-nature, so long as he didn't think too hard about it.
leon's brows perk up in sharp concern at her indifference towards her condition, and worry tugs at the corners of his mouth as he carefully massages her ashen hands. ❝ i was just about to say the same thing to you. ❞ the choice to let ada spirit him away, tempting as it is, isn't one leon has the right to make, not anymore. over time and through enduring tragedy after tragedy, his existence has become less individual, and more so living memorial, owing it to the tallied loss of over a hundred-thousand lives in raccoon city to continue his mission, to see this through to the bitter end. only then can he rest, only then can he make plans that stretch further than tomorrow. leon has no right to drop the cross he's taken up and sworn to bear, and even if he could, who would he be without the familiar burden on his conscious, anyhow? survivor's guilt has become as inherent & vital to him as the blood in his veins. ❝ c'mon, ada, have some faith in me. appearances can be deceiving, you taught me that. i'm not exactly an easy man to kill, as it turns out. ❞
tired...? she does not allow herself to comprehend the word. there is only her work, she only exists as long as she is on the job. as hannah yang or sara wu or yes, even ada wong. once the costume came off and she was left alone, locked within one of her many, many secure houses dotted around the globe, she ceases to exist. she is completely detached from the world and it forgets her-- all except him. leon feels like a tether keeping her affixed. seeing her, or attempting to see, for the person behind the carefully crafted mask. it feels equal parts revolting and touching. she wonders how the poor girl from little teipei would have felt about it.
all she offers up is a hum of acknowledgement. she does not have the luxury of being tired or growing weary. her paranoia and high perception is what keeps her alive. if she looses it getting too comfortable she is as good as dead. a ghost like her fears death in a way none other might. it is a promise of oblivion. no afterlife, no rest. eternal nothingness. like a star silently blinking out of existence too far away from anything else to be observed.
" in maryland-- well he must have enjoyed them far more than i ever would. don't tell me he was a politician, how cliché. " the salacious talk of their escapades is like coffeehouse chatter. like the weather and taxes they discuss them with fervent idolatry. she is too wild to be taken alive, how many times he has cornered her and left his flank unguarded so that she might slip away. the way he holds her hands, like he has captured something living, delicate wings of a butterfly that dust the pads of his fingers with iridescent powder from her scales. not as if he owns them, not like every other man she has ever gotten this close to.
" i can barely feel it. " she paints her lie in a casual indifference. too often designer drugs are coursing through her veins, keeping her senses sharp for the hours and hours that she is required in the field. no one ever pays her to sleep on their dime unless it is in their bed. his palms are so warm they burn the tips of her digits. the pallid skin loosing a bit of its blueish tint around her dark nailbeds. " you know i could get you out, away from this job that's going to kill you. "
#» 🌱 ﹕ thread. ─ greenherb. ╱ ada wong. ❧#» 🕊️ ﹕ were you bitten or scratched? (ic.) ❧#zorro seems like a guy lesbians would like#hey remember when u thought i was a butch lesbian. haha#pls don't leave me.. who else am i going to talk to..#if you think this is bad though be thankful you've never been in a room with me and bruce#he's kevin's secret lovechild or something. has to be. he's the only other person i know that can't keep his opinions to himself That Badly#they make me look like a saint :)
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Super old TFP mutuals who were around for my RP days and may vaguely remember my Vehicon/Eradicon OC Nightraid, CAN I GET A (ominous gregorian chanting)
instagram ( instagram.com/fishermanarts ) twitter ( mobile.twitter.com/fishermanarts ) side twitter ( mobile.twitter.com/fishermantalks ) shop ( www.etsy.com/shop/FishermanArtsStudio ) ko-fi ( ko-fi.com/fishermanarts )
Condensed and revised bio under the cut!
Designation: Nightraid “IFLR-041” Allegiance: Decepticons Rank: Officer, Commander of the Eradicon/Vehicon Union Alt mode: Cybertronian stealth spacecraft Armament: heated claws, sniper blaster, hacking cable/tentacle, cloaking technology Gender, pronouns: mech, he/him Age: ??? Height: 31’4”
Personality:
In his younger years, Nightraid was infamously the most cold and unforgiving of his category of drone. Despite his impressive success rate, his strategies were risky, violent, and unorthodox. Those who were put under his command before the Great War had to “break into” his style of tactics. However, his temperament has noticeably mellowed through the years despite everything. The events that lead to the loss of his brothers on Cybertron had ingrained in him deep scars of trauma and survivor’s guilt.
Though still stern in asserting his authority, he exhibits a great deal of patience for someone of his position and upholds a certain code of honor. Some would be inclined to sneer and say that he’s “grown soft” in his old age. He’s learned to face ill-treatment that comes with being a drone with calculated grace, wisdom, and punishment where and when it’s due. The other drones hold much respect and admiration for him and trust in his reliability and composure (but they find his sense of humor a bit dry when it comes to jokes). He puts the needs of his troops before his own and rarely allows himself the time to rest and recharge. Even though he’s valued as a paternal figure, he fears attachments and is constantly reminded that his kind were made to be hurt.
History:
Long before the Great War began on Cybertron, a drone project was funded to manufacture footsoldiers and agents to protect the cities. These drones were divided into three categories: Wreckers (WRKR), Infiltrators (IFLR), and Standards (STDR). The successful first generation prototypes of these drones were outfitted with some of the most advanced technology of their time- with later versions having been made more cheaply due to limited resources. Infiltrators were the rarest of the categories, with only 150 achieving clearance to operate, as they were equipped with highly advanced tools and endured rigorous training. It was rumored that the project was largely funded by high class investors who later aligned strongly with Megatronus’ political campaign. In preparation for war, Megatron was able to control these drones with access to their pre-installed protocols, turning them against those who would become known as Autobots and destroying the very cities they were made to protect.
Nightraid is the last surviving drone from his generation. Having been suspicious of these chips after an accident that compromised his, he attempted to override them at a main console. But he was a moment too late. He was ambushed before he could follow through with the last steps. The following events are blurry in his memory. When the dust finally settled, he was the only one of his kind left - mangled and with wounds that still ail him to this day. His schematics were reverse engineered to later mass produce the standard drones seen today- essentially being the “father” of all modern Vehicons and Eradicons.
During the events of Transformers Prime, he was charged with maintaining the well-being of their numbers and supervising general maintenance aboard the warship. He was also used to treat the infighting between Vehicons and Insecticons, establishing his authority after a territorial dispute with Hardshell. Despite being an officer himself, Nightraid is rarely respected as such among those of the same rank and now rarely sees the field. However, he is occasionally deployed with Soundwave for intelligence missions. He somewhat pities the humans, but that does not stop him from carrying out his duties against them.
#transformers prime#tfp#tfp vehicons#tfp eradicons#transformers#tf oc#tfp oc#nightraid#fishermandraws
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DRAGON BALL:
-multi canon pairings (vegebul, Gochi, k18 and/or Hanvi)
Western: Gunslinging, banditry, prostitution, gambling, survival, and an ensemble cast. It's late 19th century in the old west, with all the violence and romanticism of the genre. All humans in a real world setting. (Link to series includes many oneshots)
Ship of Dreams: One ocean liner. Two-thousand passengers. Seven-hundred survivors.
A Titanic-inspired AU
The School Across the Lake (Mature): Two schools sit on opposite banks of a lake, housing high school students who crave some interaction with the opposite sex. Frustrated and rebellious, the teens work with their friends to find a way to meet the kids from the other school, just across the lake. Humorous situations ensue. Rated T for language and mild sexual content.
Ghostly Tales of Dragon Ball: Short Halloween series for lovers of classic horror stories, and of Dragonball Z. Brief A/U one-shots, each a different scenario, each inspired by terrifying creatures, with a Dragonball spin. Not written to be overly grotesque, only descriptive to draw the reader into the fear of the situation. Each tale features a canon DBZ couple. (V/B, G/CC, Gh/V, K/18)
-Gochi
The Broken Tub (Mature in second part): post-Buu scene following the infamous breaking out of the tub
Scattered Pictures: (Mature) Real world A/U. They were naive teenagers when they married. She had the picture perfect family in mind, while he was a free spirit who was only able to focus on doing what he loved. Now, after two children, heartache, and subsequent years of separation, they might have a second chance. [Gochi] G/CC
Firsts (twitter thread)
Goku’s Test: Goku can run. Goku can fly. Goku can ride the Nimbus cloud. Goku can IT. Now his wife wants him to drive. There's only one thing standing in his way, and Chi-Chi is going to help him through it. Android saga one shot
For Her Father, For Her Country: The attack of the Red Ribbon Army on China forced the emperor to call a man from each Chinese family to battle. Facing the impossible choice of watching her aging father leave for certain death in battle, or facing peril herself by illegally taking his place, Chi-Chi joined a camp under leadership of the handsome Captain Son with an unlikely ally by her side. Mulan-inspired au.
Get to Work (coffee shop AU)
Cruel Love: Having succeeded in his mission of destroying life on Earth, Kakarot was shocked to learn upon his return to Vegeta that some did not believe his mission to be completed. Years later on a foreign planet, the third class Saiyan was hit with a surprise he didn't think possible. Bad as it seemed, it could be just the opportunity he needed for redemption in the eyes of his fellow Saiyans. However, the Earthling survivors crossing his path had plans of their own. Chi-Chi would not let the Saiyan get in her way when she and her friends were finally closing in on the thing they'd been chasing since the destruction of their planet and near-extinction of their race.
Moment of Selfishness (Mature companion to Cruel Love): In a universe where Earth was destroyed by the Saiyan sent for the job, an Earthling woman living a very different life encounters the man who changed her fate. The unexpected happens between them when no identities are exchanged. One-shot
Try That Again: Goku doesn’t listen too well. But they’re in bed, it’s late, and Chi-Chi is well-versed in giving second chances.
The Villain Who Saved the Earth (for Her): Kakarot has no problem doing what he came to Earth to do while he waits for word from his home planet.
At least, he doesn’t until someone else comes along to finish the job for him and he realizes battling a certain Earthling means more to him than he realized.
Her Eyes Give Her Away: An excerpt from Scattered Pictures, written from Goku's point of view. Even if you've never read Scattered Pictures, you should be able to read and follow this, though there are minor details that relate to earlier parts of the story. I've talked about doing a mirror fic for Scattered Pictures and used a prompt from the 2017 Gochi Week event to write one scene from that potential fic. For those of you unfamiliar with the story, Scattered Pictures is a divorce A/U taking place in the real world, about Goku and Chi-Chi, written completely from Chi-Chi's perspective. Here, you're getting a taste of what was going through Goku's head at the time of this scene (chapter 14 in Scattered Pictures).
When You Know: How soon is too soon?
If the right person comes along, never.
•college AU gochi•
Realizations: Gochi week 2023 prompts as 100-word romantic drabbles
-Marten
On This Day: This day would be absolutely perfect - Goten and Marron’s wedding day
-no ships
It’s Coming: Piccolo could run from what was coming for him, but he couldn't escape it. Preparing for the arrival of the Saiyans after Goku's death was stressful. More stressful than he consciously realized.
In Pursuit of Vengeance: Raditz took a different approach when meeting Goku, resulting in a successful retrieval of his brother. Goku's introduction to the planetary trade sparked a change as the third class Saiyan's presence stirred up trouble the Saiyans, Frieza and his men didn't see coming, leading to a much different Dragon Ball story.
My Gohan: A one-shot for one of DBZ's most misunderstood mother-son relationships. Inspired by a touching classic children's book.
-vegebul, Bulla/oc
Meet the Saiyans: He won the heart of the lovely Bra Brief. He felt nothing could have been a greater feat; not until he flew to West City with her for her brother's wedding. The strange group of people that Bra called family were disconcerting. But it seemed winning over her father's approval would be the greatest challenge of all. This story takes place in the DB universe, not acknowledging GT.
Art:
-Gochi
Warm, Coffee & a Sweater
Heavenly hug
Anniversary art
Butterflies
Wordless Communication
Kiss
Game of Thrones AU scene
-no ships
EoZ Son Family
Father’s Day
Napping Goten
-K18
Headrest
-Multiship
Ship meme
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shinrin-yoku (Ethan x MC)
Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count/Rating: ~1.7k, PG Summary: When life's difficulties hit, Noelle navigates her way through them by turning to the nature. Category: Hurt & Comfort Warnings: mentions of trauma
A/N: May is a Mental Health Awareness month and here in the UK the theme is nature. My MC, just like me, runs to the woods when things get tough. It helps her clear her head and reconnect with inner strength.
I struggle with mental health myself and it’s important for me to speak up and address the subject. There is nothing worse than shaming or discrediting someone’s difficult feelings. It’s fine not to be fine.
If you struggle alone, please don’t. My inbox will welcome you with open arms. Two heads are better than one, even if we just complain, at least we can complain together 💜
For @choicesmaychallenge2021 Day 13 - Mental Health
SHINRIN-YOKU - A Japanese term for ‘forest bathing’ or the sense of well-being you experience while in nature.
~~
It all starts with a seed. This tiny element which, without aid, is sentenced to certain death. But give it the right soil. Give it water, sun. And it can grow. Into something big. Powerful. Scary.
~~
She is five years old.
They live in a townhouse, a classy Victorian era building. Undistinguished, one of many merging into the background of a typical London street. The colors are also very standard, dirty white married to ivory beige, bar for the deep green door - their rebel child.
For the random passerby, it’s nothing special. But for her, the walls of a storey house encapsulate the whole world.
The garden behind the house is neat and clean, visibly well taken care of. She doesn’t remember exact details anymore, but she remembers begging her parents to go camping in the garden with her brother. The ticklish feeling of long and slim blades of grass on her tiny feet. Looking at the stars with pure awe and delight, that only the unspoiled mind of a child is capable of.
The plot of land that the house has been built on borders a beautiful forest. A wooden fence separates the two.
To her, it’s a passage to a magical world.
A world without any particular order, living its own life, unconstricted by rules. Not in the slightest does it resemble the garden on her side of the fence, where things grow according to the rules laid out by the adults.
There is a feeling inside her that she’s too young to name, to throw it in lingual context. It’s not until years later that she realized what it had been. Freedom. To grow however you please. To be what you want to be.
Robust, effuse trees tower over her, making her feel so small. As if she hasn’t already been feeling small enough, living in a world full of giants.
But they mean something else too. They bring a secret and a promise. Promise of a bigger world out there, far from the confines of the place she calls home.
The forest draws her, singing a melody that only her heart can understand. One day, she will be a part of it.
~~
She lives the teenage dream life.
That’s what everyone says.
She doesn’t have any real problems. She’s lucky not having to worry about money. She’s got friends. Her family is great. She just needs to stop whining. Her life is perfect.
Their words, not hers.
None of them know what happens behind closed doors.
The childhood forest is a cloudy memory. Her home is now thousands of miles away, in a city with a giant red bridge, which for some bizarre reason has ‘golden’ in its name.
But the call from nature doesn’t care about distance. It can find you about anywhere. It’s different and yet the same.
Because nature beats in one rhythm and speaks in the same language, everywhere.
The morning is chilly and humid. She’s wearing a wooly coat, carelessly threw on a pair of PJs hiding underneath.
Her steps are brisk, breathing short and heartbeat elevated. Something’s bothering her blanched face.
The voice, again.
When it first appeared, she thought it had her best interest at heart. Used to give her advice and like a good friend, ream her out when she did something bad.
Over time, things took a turn for the worse.
Snarky comments. Casually mentioned wrongdoings. Feedback on what she could have done better, differently.
Noelle hoped the voice would go away on its own.
It hasn’t.
Not only did the voice not go away, but it was actually growing stronger with each passing day. Became more vocal. Judgmental. Openly hostile.
It fed on her fears.
It’s your fault - it told her - that your parents are getting divorced.
You are not good enough.
Even a lie, repeated enough times, will finally become the truth. And so it did for her, to the point where she couldn’t distinguish her own voice from the voice of the tormentor. Sounds faded into one.
Whoever said words can cut like a knife was right. But those who knew thoughts could leave scars that are much deeper, were truly wise.
The young, beautiful girl who never hurt a soul, became a hostage. A prisoner locked in the jail of her own head.
A giant tear rolled down her face. Made of all the words her heart couldn’t say.
She hugged the tree tightly and inhaled the woodsy aroma, the scent filling her lungs fully.
It’s sensuous.
Just like that, she is small again.
~
She’s got all that she ever wanted.
Degree from one of the best medical schools. Graduating with honors and glowing recommendations from even the strictest professors, who kept assuring her that her future in medicine is so bright it’s actually blinding. Then, a dreamy residency in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country.
Pretty impressive, right? Even a fool could see that. But the only fool whose opinion she cared about, couldn’t. All these things were clearly not good enough for Ethan Ramsey to stay.
She wasn’t good enough for him to stay.
Not longer than a year ago he was just a concept, an ideal without a face, body and voice. To her, he was a celebrity, a hero, someone whom mortals don’t have access to.
It was preposterous to consider for even a second Dr Ramsey could actually see something in an intern.
Standing among the moss-covered trees, every fiber of her being was filled with the thought of him.
Did the Amazonian forest remind him of her, just like every forest around reminded her of him?
Just when she won the battle for her career, she lost another. Because life had to be a zero-sum game.
As painful as that would have been, she wished she had something to hold onto. A scene she could replay in her mind. An image of him walking away. Or saying goodbye.
But he left without a word.
That was the pattern. That was history repeating itself.
She took her shoes off and stepped on the soil frosted with morning dew. It’s cold and wet. It’s refreshing. She is grounding. Reconnecting with Earth.
Tunes in with the rivers of grass, towers of trees, fences of bushes.
If the trees could speak, they’d tell stories not many people would believe in.
Tales of heartbreaks. Parables of spirits.
They are all nature’s poems.
Hauntingly beautiful. Riveting. Written without a single word.
Because nature speaks its very own language that only the soul, not the mind, can understand.
Pain is ripping her apart. But it reminds her that she’s alive. And this, in itself, is a miracle.
~~
She doesn’t know who she is anymore.
Some people call her a survivor. But it doesn’t feel like the right word. So many things in her died. So much was lost.
The attack took a lot from her. Danny. Bobby. Sense of security. Identity. Direction.
Right and wrong, good and bad, righteous and vicious. These are all just words. Someone needs to come and teach her the meaning of them anew. Draw lines, mark out frontiers. Save her from herself.
The ground is soaked. Torrential rain turned the soil into soft mud, warm and easily slipping through her fingers. She falls on her knees, praying for the ground to consume her.
Fill every part of her. Silence the internal cacophony. To sink into oblivion.
Not many people knew about the panic attacks and recurring nightmares. They’re always the same.
She’s standing in the middle of a swamp. Danny and Bobby are drowning, their arms reaching out for her. She knows she can only save one of them. She runs out of time trying to figure out how to save both. As a result, they both die. Time stands still and yet everything is spinning, moving, racing. The reality is a riot of overbright colours.
Suddenly, a ring breaks the silence. A polyphonic intruder. She looks at the screen through hooded eyes and notices the caller’s name. It’s him. He’s petrified. Worried to death. Asks her to stay where she is.
Some time later, maybe 10 minutes, maybe an hour - who knows? - he emerges from the gathering of stocky oaks.
The moment he catches the sight of her, he starts running. She notices a lab coat underneath the jacket. He’s soaking wet.
Even though he is so close, he doesn’t slow down. Crashing into her, he scoops her in his arms. Catches her in the tightest of embraces.
Asks her if she’s fine. No. Not that question again. She’s tired of people fussing over her and gets angry.
Had it not been for the attack, would he even be here? The voice asks mockingly. It doesn’t matter to her. He’s there now.
Deep baritone is gentle and full of concern. It’s not like that. It’s not his intention to fuss. He’s simply worried. Because she is the most important thing to him in the whole world. Yes, he wasted so much time. That’s why he refuses to lose even one more second.
A dam breaks within her. Eliciting a quiet sob. She clutches his shirt, holds onto him for dear life. Moments later, she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. Singing her poignant birdsong.
How is she supposed to cope? Will things ever go back to normal? What is normal anyway?
In the confines of the infamous patient room she never felt more scared in her life. But here, out in the open, she feels so safe. As if she’s had a silent agreement with nature, which vouched to protect her at all costs.
And this time, nature had an ally. Because Ethan will protect her, even if it’s the last thing he does. Holding onto each other, they stand in the nothingness.
It keeps them grounded. Connected to their roots. Turning over new leaves. Bending before they break. Growing.
They get lost. Mother Nature has a reward for those who do. They have a chance to find themselves. Over and over again.
~~~
If you made it this far - thank you & you're awesome 🥰
Tag list: @genevievemd @gryffindordaughterofathena @terrm9@starrystarrytrouble @the-pale-goddess @jamespotterthefirst @lisha1valecha @writer-ish @maurine07 @drakewalkerfantasy@iemcpbchoices @liaromancewriter @lem-20 @lucy-268 @oldminniemcg @queencarb @qrkowna @mercury84choices @lsvdw-blog @utterlyinevitable @stygianflood @udishaman @romewritingshop @romereadingshop @alina-yol-ramsey @stateofgracious @xxsugarplumfluffsxx @binny1985 @tsrookie @fayeswiftie @archxxronrookie @tinkertailorsoldierspy @schnitzelbutterfingers @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @theinvisibledreamergirl @custaroonie @irisofpurple @chasingrobbie @ethandaddyramseyx @quixoticdreamer16 @coffeeheartaddict @takemyopenheart @aworldoffandoms @potionsprefect @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics
#open heart#Ethan Ramsey x mc#choices fic writers creations#fics of the week#mental health awareness
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Dear 'Anime Bad' Anon: I Want To Help I pity your situation, so please have a list of weebshit that isn't moeified, or wherein the cutesy art-style serves a greater purpose. (Note: though they won't be soft marshmallow uguuuu, they may still have issues in other ways. Some may have aged badly with regards to how society views or portrays groups or beliefs, some may have upsetting content and dark themes, and some may simply not be to your taste. Note: Anime is a genre, not a monolith, and the disparaging stereotype that it's all cute girls uwuing over their brother s-s-senpai!!! is as much of a disservice as saying all western movies are just vapid cash grab superhero movie sequels with no inegrity or thought put into them. There are indeed a lot of superhero movies, but they're not all identical schlock (megamind vs venom vs kick-ass), but even more than that, there is a wealth of creative endeavor just beyond the veil of Marvel's cape: just as there are plenty of good anime if you dig past the isekai high school harem wish fulfillment genre that no one wants to keep making but people keep making because it prints money to a very small demographic of the animation equivalent of a mobile game whale thereby allowing this frankly quite-small industry to work on engaging and worthwhile series where the budget permits, Regardless,)
Mushi-shi: -Pros: gorgeous animation, tranquil vibes, episodic stories so you can cram in an episode between classes or on your lunch break. highly recommended by the literal-who typing this out. -Cons: some themes or stories may cause emotional distress, learning to tell apart Urushibara Yuki's characters is a learning curve.
Baccano-Pros: meticulously-researched 20s-and-30s-era mafia violence with a hint of the supernatural, as a treat, told anachronistically with flair and jazz music. practically made to be binge-watched. the novels are finally getting translated into english as well. -Cons: lots of characters to keep track of, fair bit of blood and violence, some scenes or themes may be upsetting, lots of jumping around between different time periods. See Also: Durarara, another series by Ryōgo Narita with a ton of characters and a plot with more threads an overpriced sheet.
Cowboy Bebop-Pros: incredibly well-regarded, space bounty hunters are cool, episodic series that slowly takes on a plot towards the end, fantastic animation, scoring, and even dub work. -Cons: some scenes or themes may be uncomfortable, some parts have not aged quite so well, the smart doll version of the main character is ugly, you're gonna carry that weight.
Trigun-Pros: starts lighthearted, develops an increasingly investing plot as the series goes along. fictional westerns are cool. this world is made of love and peace -Cons: some scenes or themes may be upsetting, and probably will be. gun violence is naturally present, but that ain't all of it.
Hellsing (standard or Ultimate. or Abridged)Pros: vampires killing nazis. the original adaptation isn't bad, the second adaptation (ultimate) is generally viewed as an improvement. abridged is a youtube parody version that was so popular the voice actors reference it in convention interviews.Cons: a Lot of violence, even trending to the gorey side of things. Uncomfortable Themes Everywhere, but it's a horror-tinged action series about killing nazis, so that's to be expected.
Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood-Pros: while the original anime was quite good, the second iteration is a large improvement. does to alchemy what naruto does to ninjas: It's Basically Battle Magic. the plot starts on a strong note and doesn't let up from there. -Cons: there are distressing scenes and themes that may or may not be tolerable to the viewer. there are moments of cheesecake and even an occasional joke or a moeblob here and there, and it's not all doom and all gloom all the time, but this doesn't detract from the abject horror-despair that comes to permeate this series as it progresses. finally understand why people on the internet respond so negatively to the name 'nina'!
[Mod: many more recs/reviews under the break, worth reading for those who like more obscure anime and animation]
Grave of the Fireflies-Pros: you will remember how to cry. it's a good reminder that one country's 'triumphs' often come at the expense of another country's people. -Cons: this movie is incredibly dark, do not watch if you are in a bad headspace. see also: Barefoot Gen, a similar tale but this time from the perspective of an actual survivor from Hiroshima.
Michiko to Hatchin-Pros: an actually diverse cast of characters tangled up in a messy and very humanizing story, interspersed with Shinichiro Watanabe's particular flare for adventure. -Cons: some scenes or themes are very likely to be distressing. can be tricky to find, too.
Mo no no Ke (not the ghibli movie, though it is also quite good.) -Pros: incredibly unique art style and pacing that draws heavily from japanese theatre traditions, every screenshot is wallpaper-worthy. -Cons: may cause motion sickness. it is a psychological horror series, and one that does not need blood, nor gore, to cause visceral emotional response in the viewer. scenes and themes will be distressing- as really, that's the point.
Tokyo Godfathers-Pros: a transwoman, a (self-identified) homeless bum, and a runaway teen girl find a newborn in the baby on christmas. incredibly wholesome, somehow, and grounded in reality, with wonderful animation from the tragically late satoshi kon. -Cons: it is grounded in realism, and sometimes, people are dicks. mild transphobia warning, too, but in-universe- the transwoman herself is portrayed with kindness and allowed to be her own (wonderful!!!) person. still, viewer be mindful.
Kino no Tabi (the first series is my preferred, the second is shinier but lacks emotional impact- in my onion.) -Pros: mostly episodic, very unique series that can be gritty where it counts and kind where it matters. -Cons: some scenes or themes might be disturbing. finding it's not easy, either, and unfortunately, i don't think the novels are being translated right now, either.
Spice and Wolf-Pros: it's mostly about economics. there are shenanigans, a harvest god, and a slowly burgeoning romance, sure, but it's still mostly about economics. -Cons: there are moments of cheesecake and comedy, and moments that may cause distress to the viewer. it may or may not be to your taste.
Puella Magi Madoka Magica-Cons: yeah i know, it's moeblobs. -Pros: you're gonna watch 'em die, though, in case that may interest you. it's quite a good subversion of the magical girl genre overall. somehow volks hasn't made an MDD of anyone from the series and i will never understand how that didn't happen.
Wolf Children: Ame to Yuki-Pros: watch a family grow together as a newly-single mother does her best to raise her twin children after the tragic loss of their father. -Cons: keep tissues handy. certain scenes or themes may be uncomfortable.
Lupin III (Red Jacket, Ghibli, and the new 3D animation are all A+) pros: heist comedy elevated to an art form before half (or more!) of the people reading this were born. the english dubbed series that used to air on adult swim is a treat. cons: this franchise started in THE SIXTIES, so naturally, some shit has not aged well. certain series (fujiko mine) are darker than others in themes and material. the 3d movie that released recently is an excellent starting point.
Samurai Champloo-Pros: breakdancing samurai, a fascinating roster of characters, and a superb soundtrack by the tragically passed Nujabes. -Cons: it was made in the weird era of the transition from analog to digital animation and so the /series master/ was animated at a painfully low resolution, so even if there's a bluray out there (I haven't looked,) it will be an upscale, which doesn't always look the best. as well, there are scenes and themes that may make the viewer uncomfortable here and there.
The Works of Studio Ghibli Oh, I'm sorry, Ponyo too suffused with childhood wonder for you? My Neighbor Totoro not depressing enough? In addition to the infamous Grave of the Fireflies, Studio Ghibli has made a wealth of movies that aren't aimed squarely at the kodomo (children's) sector. -Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind: climate change existential dread, the movie -Castle in the Sky: government obsession with obtaining weapons of mass destruction destroys everything beautiful, the movie -Pom Poko: human-caused deforestation and urbanization is destroying the natural world and all that live in it, the movie -Princess Mononoke: industrialization will be the death of everything beautiful in the world, the movie, with a side of sometimes everyone (and no one) is the villain when everyone is simply trying to survive -Howl's Moving Castle: The Physical Manifestation of Depression is a Liquid Ooze, the Movie, also War Is Bad It's not all depressing, but let it never be said that Hayao Miyazaki was subtle. Whisper of the Heart is a good coming-of-age story, Kiki's Delivery Service is a classic, Tales from Earthsea is divisive among fans of Ursula K. Le Guin but I personally liked it. From one studio alone there is a wealth of opportunities.
And that's really the point. These are just some from the top of my head. There are so very many options outside of the cute-girls-doing-cute-things genre that I couldn't list them all if I was here for a week. Or as Madoka Magica so ruthlessly showcases, even series that appear a certain way on the surface might not be what you bargained for once you look into them! These are all (I think) mostly older, mainstream-appeal series that should be easy to track down, too -- there are all kinds of singular animations like The Diary of Tortov Roddle, crowdfunded experiments like KICK-HEART, Masterpiece World Theatre renditions of classic (western) novels that never get talked about, films like A Silent Voice that confront social issues- and of course, series like Rozen Maiden that helped popularize this very hobby!
There is literally an ocean of content to explore from Japanese creators alone, and it opens up even more if you look into works from other parts of Asia- just look at how popular manwha have become, or Chinese animations like Leafie, a Hen Into the Wild! It's a genre unto itself, with all the breadth of content and inter-industry problems that come with it, and without any of the respect that similar art forms have been granted over the years. The way an entire culture's art form is often disparaged, disregarded, and belittled- and by extension, the way most of Asia's animated endeavors are often rolled up into that reductive dismissal along with anime and manga- is honestly Not Great, and there is absolutely a thread of xenophobia that runs through it. The industry has so very many problems (low wages, poor training, overwork of everyone ever, archaic financial modules, the exclusivity and breadth of merchandising necessary to turn a profit and how it leads to consumer burnout and disconnection over time, and yes, the way minors are portrayed not just in anime, but in Japanese media in general- and how much of that is actually bad (some of it is indeed,) and how much if it is cultural difference (I've heard people call the scene where the family in Totoro bathe together problematic because of the nudity, but I've also only heard people say that from the West)
-- none of the actual problems affecting the people who produce this medium are gonna improve when the general response to "animators frequently have to live at home to survive" is "that's what happens when you're a weeb." It's 5am and I'm gonna point out the problems in the narrative around how we discuss this genre of entertainment because it's important, damn you! Regardless, thank you for coming to my unasked for and overlong TED talk about animation on a doll collecting drama blog, feel free to call me a pathetic weeb etcetera on your way out- but while you do so, might I suggest you also go watch a choice animated series! My current go-to is Bofuri, which is a cute-girls-doing-cute-things moefied isekai series that I refuse to apologize for watching. Be free. (The battle scenes are great and it captures the feeling of learning to play a new MMO with your friends better than most video-game-based anime I've seen in a long, long time. does anyone even still remember .hack? how about serial experiments lain...?)
~Anonymous
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4. (Grimm/Hollow), 5. (Laurie/Kate), 6. (Cole/Kai), 14. (Grimm/Hollow), 22. (Grimm/Hollow), 31. (Marissa/Emilitia), 36. (Cole/Kai), 38. (Grimm/Hollow), 44. (Cole/Kai), 46. (Laurie/Kate), 48. (Marissa/Emilitia), 50. (Grimm/Hollow)
JESUS CWIST BEWOVED,,, thank u 🥺🥺 i'll put these under read more cause i have a feeling this is gonna get long sdlkdslkd
4. What do physical trait do they love the most about each other? (Grimm/Hollow) Hollow - WELL, thanks to a certain Mr. Spot's fic that in no way influenced my answer on this (wink wink), I'd say that Hollow's favorite physical trait of Grimm's would be his eyes. They're red and beautiful and deep, something which had been terrifying to look at for too long in the beginning but now they swim in some of the greatest comfort. They could stare forever in his eyes. Grimm - He would say something cheesy and profound like how he loves every part of them and he couldn't pick a favorite, but in this case he would be completely honest. Though, he is particularly soft with their hands, which fits so snugly and beautifully in his own. 5. What personality trait do they love the most about each other? (Laurie/Kate) Laurie - Kate's optimism and kindness has definitely gotten her through some of her roughest thoughts while in the Realm. Of course she's not the first nor only kind Survivor there is, but hers is unique to Laurie. Kate - Laurie's resilience and determination is extremely admirable to Kate. The deep seeded need for survival that persists in Laurie's person is one that even Kate could be envious of, but in a good way. 6. What random everyday object/activity makes them think of each other? (Cole/Kai) Cole - Lavalamps and rollerskating! Kai had a lavalamp in his room at the monastery for a while which he always turned on whenever both of them hung out, and Kai is infamously bad at rollerskating so whenever Cole sees that activity he kinda laughs to himself thinking about the last time they went skating together. Kai - Any baking supplies, and baking in general! They love baking things together, cause even if Cole can't cook he can bake really good, and Kai has great control over all heat sources. So they make some pretty delicious stuff (that sometimes no one else gets to have because they'll eat the food while in the middle of making it) 22. Do you have other ships that resemble your OTP? (Grimm/Hollow) UHHHH. I DON'T THINK SO TBH. This ship is pretty unique to be honest imo, though the base of it is "Someone who craves love more than everything and someone who wants to love them more than anything" and that can fit with a lot of ships. I am just tired and can't think of any at the moment unfortunately. 31. What’s a perfect date for them? (Marissa/Emilita) DEFINITELY a romantic dinner together. Marissa loves the aesthetic, Emilitia loves the high status feeling she gets at a particular expensive restaurant, and they both love being cheesy and sharing a dessert together. Post-HK though, they're content with just doing a simple activity together. They don't need anything fancy or complicated anymore to suffice them. They want to live a simpler life together now that they can. 36. What is their favorite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.) (Cole/Kai) Cole - Kai's cheek! It's a simple and quick action, but one that shows a lot of affection really fast! Kai - The top of Cole's head, but because Kai also gives kisses there to Nya and Lloyd as his own sign of affection. It shows just how much he cares, and with Cole he does it often. 38. Have they ever hurt each other deliberately? (Grimm/Hollow) They have not! And they definitely don't try to. Grimm would never ever hurt Hollow on purpose. He's not the type to do that to someone he cares about, and even back when they weren't friends yet he didn't want cause more pain to someone who had clearly suffered enough in their past. Hollow however had no qualms about trying to hurt his feelings back in the beginning. Their anger towards him had been severely misplaced solely because of his relation to Radiance. They've grown better from that since then and has apologized profusely and made up for it, but after being freed from the Temple they were in a dark place for some time and unfortunately Grimm sometimes felt the brunt of it. Grimm however knew exactly what they were doing, and felt no ill will toward them at all. He just
wished them a swell recovery during that time period. 44. How do they make up after a fight? (Cole/Kai) They don't fight often, but sometimes when they do they take some time to cool down before doing anything. Afterwards, one of them will seek the other out just to hang out in their presence, which the other almost always appreciates. They're not good at talking things through when they still have some hurt feelings there, so they rest their heads against each other's and they ignore the elephant in the room for the night and they talk about any other different subject. The next day when both of them are feeling better, they'll talk through what they were fighting about to make sure that they handle the argument better next time. 46. How do they make each other laugh? (Laurie/Kate) Laurie doesn't particularly go out of her way to make Kate laugh as she doesn't usually make jokes, but occasionally she'll say a smart quip or two about a Killer they're up against that tickles Kate and makes her laugh. Sometimes that'll cause Kate to accidentally explode a generator, but it's worth it. Kate however loves making jokes, not as much as Ace does but hers is definitely better, and Laurie is so far gone for her that no matter how dumb Kate's joke is she'll always find it funny to an extent. 48. Who would bring home a homeless animal? (Marissa/Emilitia) Marissa definitely. She's a huge animal lover, one that could rival Hollow, and if she found an animal that needs a home then she'll take it home. Emilitia, while exasperated, luckily has established a boundary beforehand that she's fine with this kind of thing, so she doesn't really mind coming home and finding that Marissa has added another pet to their ever-growing family. But she is exasperated. Why is her wife like this. 50. Who would protect who in a dangerous situation? (Grimm/Hollow) They are both equally protective of each other!!! Grimm, however, is the stronger one of the two at this time and would have a better chance of protecting them - though, Hollow would definitely do anything they could to protect Grimm if he needed it.
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what are the gayest destiel episodes you can think of?
ohhhhh i gotchu hold on (this is basically gonna end up being a list of my fave destiel episodes lmaooo)
ok so just a heads-up, i don’t really remember much from s10 onwards (a lot of those episodes i haven’t actually watched since they aired whoops) and i’m currently stuck at the beginning of s9 on my complete rewatch soooo this list focuses only on the first half of the show. i might do an update if i ever manage to finish my rewatch (and remember to post an update at all when the time comes)
ok here we go:
4x16 - On the Head of a Pin
dean calls cas “cas” to his face for the very first time
dean is all “you can't ask me to do this, cas. not this.” (about torturing alastair) and uriel is all “who said anything about asking”, but cas is all: “this is too much to ask, i know. but we have to ask it” and that is the moment that dean realizes that cas cares about him and his feelings/well-being and that’s when he demands to speak to cas alone
and it’s only after cas tells dean he really doesn’t want dean being forced to do the torturing that Dean gives in (”i would give anything not to have you do this”)
like, it’s so obvious already how much cas cares about dean already and we’re only in s4
cas is even starting to go down the path of disobedience (with a little help from anna admittedly, but still. he’s starting to consider it)
they’re so?? comfortable?? with each other. when cas visits dean at the hospital in the end
4x22 - Lucifer Rising
dean literally makes an angel fall in this ep, i mean come on... (the way cas shows up behind him all “you asked to see me” after dean smashes the angel statue cracks me up every single time gsdlka)
dean desperately trying to get cas to help him (bc he knows that IF there’s an angel that would help him it’s cas)
cas is too afraid though and dean gets pissed and literally breaks up with him (D: "you spineless, soulless son of a bitch. what do you care about dying? you're already dead. we're done." C: "dean-" D: "we're done!")
this is the episode in which cas makes his decision and chooses dean over heaven
5x03 - Free to Be You and Me
in the previous episode sam and dean had a fight and split up. this episode starts out with dean being pissed and annoyed and just in a bad mood in general
when cas shows up and asks for help dean is very grumpy and doesn’t want to help at first but then reluctantly agrees
throughout the episode, the more time dean spends with cas the better his mood gets (honestly this point is worthy of its own separate post, i have enough screenshots lmao)
like he’s even smiling at the end of the ep when he’s talking to cas in the car!! (except then he looks over and realizes cas has left mid-conversation again and that smile is wiped right off his face and i’m sad :( )
when they’re in that brothel dean mostly has eyes for cas, even when chastity the hooker is standing right next to him
after the brothel incident when dean is cracking up and goes “it's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. it's been more than a long time. years.” like... buddy. your crush is showing.
and the way cas smiles lovingly at dean laughing next to him
dean be like: “personal space” also dean: *reaches into cas’s coat without hesitation* *fixes cas’s shirt and tie without hesitation*
also the funniest thing about the whole “personal space” moment in the motel is that there was more than enough space for dean to step aside and increase the distance between him and cas if he had really been all that uncomfortable but he just. doesn’t. no he just stays right where he is
when raphael is trapped in the holy oil and threatens cas all “castiel, I'm warning you. do not leave me here. i will find you.” and cas goes “maybe one day. but today, you're my little bitch.” and walks away and dean tells raphael “what he said” like the impressed and proud boyfriend that he is
inside jokes (see here)
some more iconic quotes/moments from this episode:
“cas, we’ve talked about this. personal space”
“so, what, i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?”
“well. last night on earth. what are your plans?” “i just thought i'd sit here quietly.”
“let me tell you something. there are two things i know for certain. one, bert and ernie are gay. two, you are not gonna die a virgin. not on my watch.”
5x14 - My Bloody Valentine
hunter husbands!!
the way that dean is not in the mood for hook-ups on valentine’s day and then goes to stare at cas like That
that iconic phone call at the hospital where cas just appears in front of dean who nearly runs into him
cas be looking at sam while listing all the things people can be starving for, and then looks at dean before saying “love”
ok i know this doesn’t have that many points but really this entire ep is great, i very much enjoy all the interactions between cas and dean in this ep
like when dean is not hungry and cas is all “you're not gonna finish that?” and grabs the plate without waiting for an answer bc they’re this married in s5 already
6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King
i mean... this one is obvious isn’t it
this ep is literally all about how cas is doing everything for the winchesters aka dean
the way sam and bobby cautiously voice their suspicions of cas to dean has the same energy as carefully breaking it to a family member that you think their partner is cheating on them
and when they trap cas in the holy oil and confront him dean also acts like a betrayed wife(gn)
which is such a stark contrast to how sam and bobby react to the betrayal (they’re mostly just like “eh this sucks” while dean is emotionally affected)
and even in the following episodes dean is way more affected by cas’s betrayal than sam and bobby are and dean is the one who argues the most with cas (honestly, this entire arc is literally that post that’s all “how do i know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)
ok but the holy oil scene is truly like a soap opera (i mean... “where were you when i needed to hear it?” “i was there. where were you?” and dean looking back at cas one last time before running away)
this is their first big break-up and it takes them until the s7 finale to make up
special shoutout to cas watching dean rake leaves
this ep is a LOT
7x17 - The Born-Again Identity
dean’s FACE when he sEES CAS. and then DEAN’S FACE AGAIN when “emmanuel” is all “what’s your issue?”
dean’s face all throughout that first scene with “emmanuel” and daphne, I’M
“you know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. you know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... i always could. what cas did... i just can't – i don't know why” BECAUSE YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM, IDIOT
the way dean interrupts all irritated when meg goes “i think we're gonna be good friends too” at “emmanuel” (jealous bf much gsdlksafd)
the way dean kept the trenchcoat just in case so he can give it back to cas should he return (which ofc he did)!!!!
7x21 - Reading is Fundamental
yet another one of those “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”
at the beginning of the ep at some point sam’s phone rings and when he says that meg (who is watching over cas at the mental hospital) is calling, dean is quick to stand up and even tho meg called sam, dean is the one who ends up having the phone call with her lmao
also dean has no chill during that phone call lmao (he’s irritated when he finds out meg didn’t call them right then and there as soon as cas woke up and he’s immediately concerned when meg says cas is different, while sam’s just standing there holding his phone out to dean, being all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ lmao)
dean: *pissed af at cas* also dean: *almost breaks his own neck at the speed with which he whips his head around at the mention of cas’s name and is desperate to know his location when cas calls meg after dean blasted him away with some other angels at the hospital*
ok no but then meg tells cas their location and cas zaps into the car and it’s hilarious how quick dean is to interrupt whenever cas turns his attention to meg in that scene
8x07 - A Little Slice of Kevin
dean seeing cas everywhere
when you see your best dudebro outside the window in the middle of a storm but when you get up he’s gone and you feel like crap because you could’ve made it out of the war zone together and you just cannot fathom why he didn’t try harder and you just don’t understand why you’re feeling what you’re feeling (and judging by dean’s reaction to sam’s suggestion, clearly it’s not survivor’s guilt)
dean’s FACE when cas suddenly appears behind him in the bathroom
jacting joices: the infamous boner scene (yet another example of “how do I know dean is in love with cas? bc sam isn’t”)
jacting joices pt 2: sam and dean are talking case and then cas walks over to join the conversation and there is literally no reason for dean to check cas out (see here)
during the rescue mission when cas zaps into the room and has a stand-off with crowley and then when dean finally manages to break into the room, can i just say... the way dean immediately rushes to cas (who’s ended up on the floor) and grabs him by the shoulder before he bothers to look around the room
D: “that was a bonehead move back there. you could have gotten yourself killed. why didn't you wait for me?” C: “well, i didn't get killed. and it worked” D: “and if it didn't?” C: “it would have been my problem.” D: “well, that's not the way i see it.”
the purgatory flashbacks when dean keeps insisting that cas is coming along with them back to earth and won’t hear otherwise
“i did everything I could to get you out – everything! i did not leave you.” “so you think this was your fault?”
“look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? for failing you like i've failed every other godforsaken thing that i care about! i don't need it!”
i know we hate buckleming but this episode, man. this episode
8x08 - Hunteri Heroici
i was gonna put this as a special shoutout but then it turned out that i had more to say about this ep than i initially thought
it’s the way dean and cas keep gravitating towards each other in the first half of the episode. no seriously, they somehow keep ending up beside each other and you start wondering “what’s personal space” (friendly reminder that this is the ep right after they’re finally back together again after purgatory)
the married energy and the bickering
the “talk to me” scene where cas finally opens up to dean (but then interrupting moose strikes)
at the retirement home dean to sam and cas: “no flirting you two” then CUT to: dean and cas sitting at a table with an elderly lady who is staring at cas with heart eyes and... lady: “you are so pretty, charles” dean: *must look at young nurse’s butt immediately to distract myself from gay thoughts*
i’m sorry but the way he smiles so widely at cas at one point when they’re talking to that lady, like, she’s just called cas a bounder and dean’s amused about that but his amusement is not in any way malicious and his face is just so full of love when he looks at Cas, it’s embarrassing really (see here)
9x06 - Heaven Can't Wait
ok so i haven’t watched this ep in like 5 years so my memories on this aren’t as fresh as with the previous eps but! it’s the way that cas and dean act exactly like exes (who are still in love with each other) in this ep
dean’s face as he’s staring at cas through the shop window
dean’s smile when he shows up inside the shop
the entire “i can’t let you do this cas” scene in the car
the infamous fanfiction gap
special shout out to:
5x18 - Point of No Return for all the bickering (“you know what? blow me, cas”) and especially “well, cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… i got laid.”
6x10 - Caged Heat for the pizza man and dean’s reaction to all the megstiel (like jealous bf much?)
6x19 - Mommy Dearest for the strong married energy dean and cas give off in this ep (honestly, all their bickering, it’s glorious) (friendly reminder that this is right before tmwwbk)
7x23 - Survival of the Fittest for the “i’d rather have you cursed or not” scene
8x02 - What's Up, Tiger Mommy? for the purgatory flashbaks with that one monster calling cas dean’s angel and the reunion scene by the river with highlights such as “nice peach fuzz” and “i prayed to you cas, every night” and “i have a price on my head, and i've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – to keep them away from you” and “cas, we're getting out of here. we're going home” and “cas, buddy, i need you” and “let me bottom-line it for you. i'm not leaving here without you. understand?”
8x17 - Goodybe Stranger for “i don't know, dean. if he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?” and the entire crypt scene (yes this is a big one and yes i’m still only putting it as a special shoutout and yes it’s bc of the megstiel content this ep ok bye <3)
#there is also the late s9 ep where cas chooses dean over an angel army#then i vaguely remember 11x03 being a good destiel ep#and the s12 ep with the ''i love you. i love all of you''??#i know people are still going crazy over the mix tape but i don't remember if the ep itself was very gay#oh and 13x06 - tombstone gets talked about a lot as well#when cas comes back to life at the end of the widower arc and dean goes from extremely depressed to happy af#15x09 was a pretty good one as well i think#and ofc 15x18 with the big ''i love you''#anyway this was fun#i should really continue with my spn rewatch#but the thing is that i'm actually journaling and making notes#and that requires brain#and i currently just don't have the energy to make all this effort just for a tv show#who knows if i'm ever gonna finish this project#oh well#asks#anon#destiel#spn#lmk if i've missed anything (from s4-s8 that is)
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There Are No More Stars
Nico/Reader
Summary: You had expected the world to end but you hadn’t expected to find someone you were willing to fight for. Even in a zombie apocalypse, some prayers do get answered.
Rodeo’s Two Pieces: This is heavily based on a dream I had last night with Nico in it. It probably makes no sense but I wanted to write it anyway. If this work made you or a loved one cry, you may be entitled to financial compensation. Not really though.
Tags/Warnings: Zombie Apocalypse Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, Violence, Gore, Angst, Feral Lesbianism, AFAB! Reader, Self-Sacrifce, Death, ANGST, Minors Not Allowed
You had braved the apocalypse for some time now, taking refuge in an abandoned school with a few other survivors. But most importantly, you braved it through to meet Nico, a tattooed mechanic. With a hand-in-hand and a shared smile, you managed to survive each grueling day.
Within the schoolhouse, Nico was belated to find a van to fix in her laytime. You had ended up being the scrappy leader of this strange motley crew, always making sure there was enough food and water, as well as warding off the biters and other human stragglers.
It was a demented sort of peace, finally being able to be stationed and not on the run.
Until one day, the human ravagers had decided not to back away with their threats of violence. You knew it was time when they drove their beat-up vehicles into the schoolyard fence, no longer wishing for compromise since they knew you had food and other resources.
A member of your group had run into the school, locking the doors. A few others quickly began placing the barricades and tables against the locked doors.
The remaining got up to see what was happening, bracing themselves as the ravagers drove themselves to break open the front entrances. Nico grabbed you, bringing you to an empty corridor. Her eyes darted to see that the others weren’t present.
“Girl, let’s get the hell out of here. It ain’t safe. We can drive off, just you and me.” Nico insists, holding your wrist. She’s expecting you to say yes to her plans like you always do, with that reluctant smile and warm eyes. But here you are, pursed lips chapped and split and old blood smeared on your tired face, cold eyes staring miles away.
You push the keys to the van back in her hand. Nico’s eyes widen.
“You need to go.”
“What are you doin’?” She hisses, seeing how the people in your group had begun to prepare for confrontation from outside the school. You jolted as the building seemed to rattle from a truck being driven into it.
You finally look into her eyes, resolute in your dilemma.
“There are enough resources in that van for weeks. Enough to get out of here.” Nico begins stammering, and you’re glaring at the approaching stragglers you’ve fought off before.
You didn’t expect to be the pack leader of a few survivors, to have everyone need you. Nico needed you. But Nico needed to be alive and well. You would make sure of it.
“You need to go. Go to Redgrave, like we always planned.” You take out the map and offer it to her, which she receives in her shock.
Nico and you used to lay on the grass at night, staring at the sky. Fantasizing about how things were going to be once you survived this. Fantasizing about being together in a normal life. Exhausted, you would nod your head and agree with this beautiful woman as your bones sunk themselves into the soil.
Here you were now, breaking apart what the stars had been witness to.
“I’m not leaving without you.” Nico fought back, shoving you in anger. You shoved her even harder before holding her by the shoulders. She meets eyes with you again. You blink back tears, trying to be strong.
“You have to. I’m asking you to.”
The van wouldn’t be enough or have enough to take everyone. You couldn’t go and abandon the rest of the group, even for Nico. These were people too, people with hopes and dreams to make it out of this.
You doubted you could keep her safe, noticing the larger gathered brigade of dangerous ravagers outside. If Nico went, she had a chance to get out of the epicenter you were trapped in. No one needed to know you gave Nico the best possible means of survival, using the van you once used to drive to the ghost towns to get supplies. She didn’t have to fight them if you and the others faced them head-on.
Nothing was innocent about survival. Nothing was pure about sacrifice.
You wiped a tear off her face, your own face grave and resolute.
“Get to the lot, there’s not much time.” You whispered to her. She shook her head but she knew. She always knew.
Hurry before they find you and kill you.
You let go of her, silently telling her to leave once more. She clenched the keys in her hand, and she ran to the back of the school. You could hear the sound of confrontation, vehicles driving to the front.
You knew they were looking for you, past final warnings before total annihilation. As if the zombies weren’t bad enough, people were more than happy to break down one another into bits and pieces.
You hear Nico’s footsteps grow farther and farther away from you. You hear the correct door open and close from a distance.
The ravagers were looking to steal and take what you and the others had for themselves. Parasites that killed on site. Dressed in other’s clothing and driving other’s hot-wired cars into the barricades you built, they were ready to finally force your hand.
They came out and circled your group like vultures.
“You know why we’re here. Now, either step aside or we fuckin’ slit your throats and bleed you dry.” You stood your ground, eyes steel as others emulated you.
“You know our answer.” You sniped back, baseball bat tapping the ground.
You hear an engine speed off to the distance, far and away from here.
The leading ravager, a diseased man with rotted teeth and sunken eyes, turned around to hear the sound of a prospective steal. Before the others realized your betrayal, you screamed ferally, a rattling sound of pure anger.
With your heart on your sleeve, you swing your baseball bat into his neck. Like in slow-motion, he falls to the floor with a splat. Bludgeoned with a weapon hammered full of nails, his trachea was torn open and he bled thick red blood on the white floor.
“Who wants a fucking piece of me, you fucking bastards?!” You roared.
Hell breaks loose, and you lose yourself in Hell.
While the fight occurred, sounds of human conflict brought upon the walkers. With clouded eyes and mottled flesh, they limped towards the school.
You never thought of yourself as a fighter and yet you fought like you couldn’t do anything else.
God, please don’t let me die before seeing her again. You pray as you drive another man into the floor, breaking his nose off with your bat. No one was going to leave this place. No one was going to hurt her.
As you maul people and biters, you think of each moment with her.
With each bashing of teeth and breaking of bone, Nico drives away.
She’s probably crying as she gets further and further away from you. Crying because you told her to leave. Crying because she left. Crying because you sacrificed yourself. Crying because she never told you she loved you before she left.
WEEKS LATER
Nico and Nero were driving somewhere the mechanic would not enclose.
“That’s how I got this van.” Nico ended. Nero, the one-armed guy she had found in Fortuna on her way to Redgrave, sat at the table in shock. After weeks of knowing Nero, this was the first time she answered the question.
“Did...did you ever get to see her again?” She lit a cigarette, a rare commodity she allowed herself when thinking of you. Nico is silent and stiffens upon seeing something. She presses the gas pedal particularly hard.
She feels her heart clench in grief at the sight of a certain walking corpse a few paces away. Having been recently-turned, you spared her from seeing you with rotting flesh and showing decay. Your infamous baseball bat had been long forgotten from your cold hands.
Had you been trying to find your way back to her?
She doesn’t know. She’ll never know.
A resounding sound of flesh splattering alerts Nero that Nico has run over another zombie.
“I just did.”
Nero glances at the gore on the road and then to the empty passenger seat and his stomach drops for her.
God, please don’t let me die before seeing her again.
Your broken body lays on the concrete, finally deceased. Blank, empty eyes stare at the bright sky, and there are no stars to cry for you.
Nico is still driving away from you.
There are no more stars.
#both Nico and S/O display morally wrong behavior as it is an apocalypse#Rodeo's dreams are wild#rodeo is best at angst#nicoletta goldstein#nico goldstein#nicoletta x reader#dmc nico#nico x reader#dmc nico x reader#AFAB reader#zombie apocolypse au#dmc nero#devil may cry#nero sparda
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The Mask of Death - Fairy Tales and Waking Nightmares (aka Vader obliterates a Rebel unit in typical, spooky fashion)
He wasn’t real.
He couldn’t be.
When Viola Perry had joined the Rebellion, he had been entirely prepared for all that entailed. He despised the Empire and its government, despised its regime and its knack for exploiting the weaker star systems and depleting them of their natural resources for the benefit of the elite. Even as a chancellor, Emperor Palpatine had tended to favour only the worlds and civilizations he considered useful and worth a damn. As Emperor, he had doubled down on that mindset - and while the planets of the outer rim were falling into a lawless haven for criminals, while the Moffs extracted every ounce of goods, riches and pleasure from the worlds they had handpicked and settled down on; Perry saw her people waste away. True, she had been raised coruscanti, on a mid tier level by a single father who laboured day and night as a mechanic. His life had not been aided by the Empire’s rise to power, instead, he had been pushed out of service by official Imperial service systems requiring customers to pay a higher amount of credits for a lesser amount of expertise. Like so many other things, there was a penalty to disobeying and neglecting the restrictions and guidelines.
As soon as Perry was able, she fled. She joined the Rebel Alliance, seeking justice for her father who had died impoverished and imprisoned for conducting and encouraging illegal behaviour - apparently, doing a greater job as a mechanic than the Imperial forces was a crime and a felony - and she had been with the organisation for four years now. Four years of fighting the good fight, winning small victories and taking back the autonomy of the galaxy little by little as hope spread like a wildfire amongst those already saddled with doubt and distrust. Chancellor Palpatine had failed to live up to his hype, why would Emperor Palpatine be any different? Perry had seen firsthand just how far the Empire was willing to go, in order to eradicate the resistance fighters and downplay their growing masses as a trivial and unimportant wayward attempt at terrorism. Only the rebels themselves knew that they were slowly but surely becoming a legitimate threat.
Perry had, as had most rebels she had fought alongside, been wary of any information spread by the Empire from the start. Propaganda and deliberate misinformation were only a couple of the tools used to lure the populous of the vast galaxy into some sense of security. As such, she had laughed the very first time she’d heard the tall tale of Darth Vader. Apparently, a mole within the Imperial ranks had shared the myth as a warning. By most of the Alliance, it had been taken as fiction sold by the Imperial sovereigns to saw fear within their resistance. Vader, as the story went, was a seldom seen assassin of the Empire. The tale painted him as clad entirely in black, seven foot tall and wielding mysterious and invicible powers. He could kill with simply a look, or a wave of the hand. At first, the story had begun as such - vague, raising more questions than it answered about this fantastical and implausible boogeyman. Perry had concluded Vader could be little more than a false narrative, invented to instill doubt within the hearts of any nervously inclined resistance fighter.
But, as time went on, more and more stories with a similar twist kept turning up. Every now and then, a delirious dying fellow rebel with haunted eyes and baited breath would ramble about a monster clad in black. Eventually, the concerns grew to a point where even figureheads of the Alliance such as Mon Mothma and the Organas would openly discuss the matter. Rumours said viceroy Bail Organa in particular was inclined to believe the stories, and while Perry viewed him as level headed and logical - that was one leap of imagination she wasn’t willing to trust him on.
It was only when Perry’s closest friend and confidant, Oliwia Blix, was slain on her own home turf - an ambush assault led by what was later revealed to be the 501st Imperial squadron, surprising the freedom fighters she was responsible for - that Perry began to question her conviction. Oliwia had not survived the attack, and her body was never recovered but those who did persevere knew she was deceased - they had seen her there in the midst of the chaos, barking out orders and desperately attempting to call for help through the sliced comlink connections. Out of the handful of survivors, Perry trusted only Juno Eclipse. Eclipse was a young, blonde woman who had once been closely affiliated with the Imperial military but who had become disillusioned one way or another. She never spoke much of her Imperial days. Her insights were always helpful, and she had aided many a favourable outcome in battle. She possessed inside knowledge and codes that were invaluable - and she was firmly decided that the ambush had been a ploy to get her; she was the target and she was responsible for the death of her affiliates.
Eclipse was reasonable, and Perry admired her judgment. That’s why, when Eclipse spoke of Vader; Perry put aside her skepticism to actually listen. According to Eclipse, Vader was the man the Empire sent out when all else failed. He was undefeated, possibly invincible; shrewd and secretive. If he came for you, he would not stop coming until he had carried out his mission. In her case, Eclipse had expected she’d be put on trial for treason when she first broke away from the Empire, but once Vader had been sent on her trail - she explained - she had realized she was no longer worth the hassle. When Vader came to collect, you were as good as dead already. Perry had asked whether Eclipse had seen this infamous monster, and Eclipse had simply chuckled in sullen surrender as if she had already accepted her own fate.
‘He’s not a monster,’ she had said. ‘He’s a man. Or, I think he was a man, once. I’m not sure what he is now.’
Eclipse had said little in addition to that, only that she was certain that he had been present on the planet Cordaan’a where the incident had occurred. Perry got the firm impression that the ex Imperial officer had seen someone or something she perceived to be this Vader, and while she didn’t want to press the already anxiety ridden woman; she chalked most of it up to stress, fear and trauma. Even Eclipse - intelligent, brave and immovable - could be deceived by the rush of adrenaline that came with battle, as her senses were jumbled. That, along with the fact that her life was in jeopardy and that she knew the Empire wanted to see her punished for her desertion, could make anyone hallucinate a phantom such as the propagandistic tale of an Imperial hitman.
That was, until two weeks later. At noon, the base camp of Brakko had prepared for a subtle, incognito transfer. Perry’s unit had been targeted for elimination by Imperial forces, and while there were no signs suggesting the Empire knew where exactly their base was hidden - it was unsafe to stay in one place for too long. As the early afternoon rolled around, every necessary scrap of ammunition, weaponry, rations, credits, and other various equipment had been rounded up and packed away. Only a few chunkier, stolen cannons and proton bombs remained unaccounted for. That was the moment during which the Empire decided to make their presence known. A well aimed rifle shot, and the second largest of the docked freight vessels was blown up in the span of milliseconds.
As its explosive cargo content shattered the clunky ship, the shockwave sent most resistance fighters flying. Shrapnel became deadly projectiles, and as Perry struggled to regain her bearings - the force of the blast had sent her several feet back into the rough, and jagged gravel of the walkway leading towards the underground bunkers - she noted familiar faces; bloodied and beaten. Some unrecognizable, some wheezing as steady streams of red liquid poured out of their nostrils. Perry herself found her hearing was dulled, as if she were underwater - the distant, faraway yells and shrieks of her terrified comrades preparing retaliation blocked out by a loud shrill ringing. She struggled to her knees, instinctively reaching for her trusty blaster where it sat holstered at her hip.
As soon as she looked up, Perry could see the swarm of stormtroopers welling forth from every direction. They were undistinguishable in their white polished armour, black visors covering their eyes. Her legs moved out of self preservation, her chest burning with extortion as she fired aimlessly at her assaulters. A few fell by the wayside, and Perry dove behind the wreckage of one of the smaller shuttles that had been affected by the explosion. Three more rebels cowered there, taking turns firing fervently to keep the troopers at bay - only for the two additional blasters wielded by who Perry recognized to be Admiral Parlak and Sergeant Ilija to be literally ripped out of their grip with no visible cause.
“Come out with your hands on your heads,” said one of the troopers, his cadence entirely void of empathy.
“You’ll gun us down if we do,” Perry snapped in defense, and realized only afterwards that she had spoken at all.
Her hearing was beginning to return, as Perry and her small group peered cautiously over the edge of the ripped off shuttle wing that provided their makeshift shield. Even as her head became fully visible, no additional shots were fired. A platoon of what Perry estimated to be forty stormtroopers stood in a half circle, making three rows with their blasters aimed meticulously at the unguarded hideout. Around them, a few smaller squads mirrored their stance. A good four feet in ahead of the mass, stood a single trooper - his more lavish suit of armour indicating that he was a higher ranking soldier, possibly a commander - with his hand raised to signify cease fire. Perry assumed he had been the one addressing them.
It was only then that she realized how eerily quiet it had become. Her eyes darted around, both relieved and unsettled when she spotted a few grimy, scuffed and fretful faces poking out from behind various chunks of debris much like her and her group. Apart from feeble moans and sobs of pain, and crackling of the fires that had spread from the explosion to the trees and vegetation concealing the base camp - everything was deathly silent.
Silent, until a deep, booming voice broke the impasse.
“Not if you cooperate.”
In one fell swoop, the mid section of the platoon parted like a tidal wave. They made room with no fuzz, moving as one single unit and stood at courtly attention. From the smoke, the ashes and the flames behind them; the shadows of even more soldiers merely silhouetted revealed as a backdrop, came a predator. Even before it could be viewed in all its horrendous detail; its large frame drew all attention. Tall, broad shouldered, chest wide - and with it followed a hissing, mechanical breathing cycle reminiscent of a respirator. At any other time its pathetic sounds may have inspired pity or sympathy, but in this instance; its intervals were decidedly ominous, as this thing traversed the ground littered with fresh corpses in a careless stride.
Towering over and dwarfing the stormtroopers; the looming dark spectre emerged fully from the dust and cinders swirling through the air. Clad in all black; head to toe. Black armour, black cape, black robes, black gloves, black boots, black helmet; black mask covering the monster’s entire face from view. Still, the lenses through which the grim presence viewed the world were tinted ever so slightly crimson. In its hand, the thing clutched the hilt of a saber - its plasma blade red and humming as energy surged through it.
“Please, no,” Perry caught a hitched gasp, frightened disbelief colouring the unmistakable tone of Eclipse - and Perry spotted her pale face off to the side; crouched behind a severed landing hatchet.
“I have come for Captain Eclipse. I have been informed that she hides among your ranks. It is unfortunate for your organisation that she would lead me to you - I, however, view it as a welcome surprise.”
The voice was so deep, it seemed to reverberate through Perry’s very bones - and despite the heat of the flames' licking, flickering nature as they consumed the palm trees with a gleeful greed - the world seemed as cold as ice. Curling in on herself, Perry wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to stave off the worst chill; her breaths coming out as puffs of condensed mist. Still, she could do nothing but stare at the empty, hollow eyes of that face plate. The monster turned its head slowly in the direction of Eclipse’s hiding place, tilting it in a disturbingly comedic manner. If she could have seen its mouth; Perry was convinced the monster would have smiled at the collective hopelessness at its disposal.
‘Darth Vader is real,’ so many fellow rebels had insisted - and Perry had disregarded every single one as superstitious and foolhardy.
'Darth Vader is a fairy tale,’ she had stubbornly countered.
Perry didn’t even have the time to flinch as the monster’s large right hand cut through the empty air. The motion was swift, smooth and effortless - and the bulky piece of scrap metal Eclipse had been huddled behind was sent flying as if it were completely weightless. The hefty durasteel went from sitting completely still to hurdling a distance of about thirty yards at an unfathomable speed; smashing right into a tree trunk which it sheared clean off simply by momentum. The monster did not move, even as the tree collapsed and brought another down with it; but Eclipse yelped and covered her mouth. Perry had never, never seen her be anything but resolute - and slightly shaken once, while relaying her tale of this predator whom Perry had refused to believe might materialize. Now, her features spoke only of regret and dread. Her shoulders were trembling, her blue eyes glassy with tears.
“Did you believe the Emperor would not aim to see you destroyed? Did you believe he would forget you?” the monster mocked, and with obvious sarcasm he added, “You must think so highly of the Emperor’s sense of compassion. I am truly sad to say that I must dissuade such unfortunate delusions.”
“Do what you please with me, but spare the rest,” Eclipse blurted out, desperation in her voice as she stumbled to her feet; taking one unsteady step towards the monster and dissmissing his jeering entirely.
‘He’s not a monster, he’s a man. Or, I think he was a man, once,’ Eclipse had said back then; and while her eyes were now still brimming with yet unshed tears, her expression was one of bargaining.
She was attempting to appeal to this thing’s - this man’s humanity. Instead, he simply cocked his head a bit farther to the side as if perplexed by her emotional outburst, regarding her silently with a deliberate intent to unnerve and rattle her. Perry realized only then that she, too, was trembling not only from the cold. It was as if this man’s entire being radiated a dark, black, vicious hatred. A vile, twisted sense of entitlement and disgust alike. It permeated his surroundings, spreading like a contagious disease; infecting everything it touched, tainting and tarnishing anything it could corrupt. His unwavering gaze and dead eyeholes seemed to demand a cruel mixture of respect and fear; and Eclipse clasped her hands in what resembled a feeble prayer.
“Lord Vader. I beg of you. Let them go. It’s me you want.”
A tear slipped down her gaunt face; her complexion ashen and her bottom lip quivering. Her blonde hair fell over her forehead in unruly chunks, a damp patch of dark blood staining the upper sleeve of her jacket. Vader simply raised his hand once more; beckoning Eclipse with his fore and index fingers in an almost gentle manner. Eclipse had no chance to move of her own volition, nor to deny the request before her feet were lifted off the ground and she was yanked unceremoniously forwards. Her motion stopped only when she was mere inches from Vader; her face level with his mask as she levitated freely in the empty air. Vader’s outstretched hand was steady, holding its posture - and Perry realized with horror that the powers all the rumours spoke of were factual, as well.
“While it is a touching sentiment - your saviour complex serves you no favours with me, Captain.”
There was no compassion in Vader’s tone, the cadence mechanical and stilted - and yet, the words came out an overt, obvious commination. Shifting the hand Perry had assumed was efficently preoccupied with suspending Eclipse in the air, Vader gestured at his troopers and they immediately switched into action. Eclipse still hovered several feet above ground; and Perry reared back as Vader’s empty lenses came to rest on her hiding spot. As before, there was no prelude - the torn wing of the shuttle was simply shoved aside in one fluid swipe. The same thing occured simultaneously to any other covers; Perry's fellow rebels attempting to defend themselves in vain. One moment, Perry was fumbling for her blaster with numb fingers; the next, a stormtrooper had her arms trapped behind her back. Some of her comrades attempted to resist the capture, and were subsequently executed on spot with a single blast to the back of their heads. As they were rounded up, only twenty-two of the at least seventy rebels that had stayed behind loading up supplies remained. They were forced down on their knees; hands on their heads. Perry glared at Vader who seemed to eye them all with a disinterested boredom, but her hammering heart betrayed her collected facade.
“I suggest you watch, Captain. Let this be a warning to abide by. I have orders to bring you off world. While the Emperor wishes no audience with you, Governor Tarkin is most excited to have a word preceding your eminent, public execution,” Vader informed as if there were no other witnesses, no further participants to the event than him and Eclipse alone. “You will watch this.”
The final words were sinister, their implication crystal clear and the demand irrefutable. Eclipse’s slumped head was forcefully yanked in the direction of her kneeling coworkers, the men and women she had bravely fought alongside, who had become her confidants and friends. Perry expected to be anticlimactically shot, icy dread churning at the pit of her belly. Still she was transfixed by Eclipse’s horrified; apologetic eyes as they stared back at her- wide and unblinking, as if she could not close them had she wanted to. Holding the stare, a pressure closed around Perry’s slender throat; like an unseen hand encompassing her fragile neck and squeezing her windpipe until she could no longer inhale. She panicked, pawing at her throat as her lungs burned and the edges of her vision began to fade away. Next to her, the choking noises of her fellow rebels rose; all of them clawing desperately at the invisible hand strangling them unanimously. The last thing Perry saw; pure terror coursing through her veins as her pulse slowed to die away and a loud, cracking pop signified the snap of her neck caving under pressure, was Eclipse’s guilt ridden eyes, and the tears now falling from them.
Perry slumped to the ground, and Vader’s large boots stalked past her crumpled body to sear themselves into her minds eye as one final bitter irony.
He was real.
He was real.
Then, she was no more.
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Posted a teaser before, but I like this installment so much I felt I needed to post the entire thing so here you go. Link to the full fic below:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049894/chapters/79969921
#darth vader#vader#lord vader#anakin skywalker#anakin#skywalker#star wars#sw#post rots#pre anh#post order 66#empire era#canon compliant#juno eclipse#fanfic#fan fic#fanfics#fan fics#fic#fics#fanfiction#fan fiction#my fic#my fics#the mask of death#rebel alliance#ca 6 bby#or something like that#skyguy#ani
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miss sloane review
"i rather choose career suicide than suicide by career"
this line among the many lines in the movie stood out to me the most , the way how elizabeth ended things in order to make things right aka passing the heaton-harris bill in her own way by career suicide is beyond genius. Its not how she was just one or two steps ahead like a chess game, she had the whole scenario with different plans in place despite the random man pulling a gun on Esme , which i think was somewhat planned by Kravitz & Waterman but I'll go into that later.
This movie was tight, thrilling and witty. Before going into the movie I knew the word Lobby but I didn't know what the term lobbyist meant. From wikipedia, it means 'people whose business is trying to influence legislation, regulation or other government decision...on the behalf of a group or individual who hires them', which basically means sway the decisions of the senators to pass or stop a certain bill. What made this movie spectacular was how it was a slap in the face to corrupt senators and a huge f* you to those on the hill.
The character Madeline 'Elizabeth' Sloane, where only her mom used to call her Madeline and everyone calls her Elizabeth was a complex, cocky character that you'd either hate or love. That was me hating her for being so cold and calculating, using everyone as a pawn and keeping every ace in her sleeve as close to her heart as possible. Everyone was disposable and she rarely or doesn't trust anyone. She also crosses lines that should not be crossed, she claims it as leverage. But I rooted for her when I saw a method to her madness.
Everyone questioned why she wanted to support the Heaton-Harris bill, thinking that she had a friend or family member who was gunned down. But she merely saw it as a challenge that she wanted to conquer, chalk it up to cockiness or overconfidence she would do anything to win. She did.
I appreciated how the movie gave us glimpses into her breaking at the seams, we always had her going hard, heavy and fast infront of others her persona of being the woman who had everything in control and infamously ruthless. Having her moments in the toilet taking her pills to get her an extra few hours of energy, her throwing the papers off the desk and her worried frantic shouts when she realised that Esme was in trouble. It showed that even though she was a tough cookie, she was still human under all that hard exterior.
I'd assumed that moments with the escort darling Ford was nothing more than a breather from the intense workplace, it ended up telling us more about who Sloane was. Obviously escort services are all about sex and comfort, Ford was a good guy through and through and he could see she was someone lonely and needed more than just a quick shag. He reached out and talked giving her information on his various 'covers' which he worked as while being an escort, this was him being vulnerable to her in exchange for her to be vulnerable with him. She did but she immediately backtracked with her walls back in their place. At the very end, I'm glad Ford was a good guy and didn't get swayed. I'd actually think he'd be a good influence on Sloane but then again this isn't a romance movie.
Esme was pawn and I feel for her especially when Sloane pieced together that she was a survivor of gun violence. She used Esme by propping her as high as possible and you know what happens when someone is that high, they crash harder. The accidentally reveal on national television that she's a survivor might swing some votes for gun control but it exposed her to such a great risk. Considering how this lobbying thing is and all the shit that Sloane is willing to risk or do, I had almost thought that someone set the whole thing up. Esme thought that Sloane set up the crazy man who held a gun to her head, I thought that someone at Kravitz & Waterman had set it up. I don't exactly think Sloane set up the whole scenario but propping her up she definitely disregarded the dangers of doing so. This shows how ruthless again Sloane is and how she doesn't exactly understand when to not cross the line.
The former assistant or right hand person of Sloane had me questioning her loyalty the whole movie. How could you do that to your former boss, unless she treated you that badly but I thought their relationship was good. When she delivered the final blow by handing in her resignation, that final click landed in place. The pieces had fallen where Sloane the master strategist wanted it to fall. She was a hundred or thousand steps ahead in a chess game and she had more backup plans than one could imagine.
Back to when she told Rodolfo that she'd do anything to win, I hadn't anticipated it to career suicide as well. She really brought the whole hill down with her in Sloane fashion.
The movie entwined the past and the present perfectly, showing how different players and situations landed her into the position she was presently. It didn't feel like whiplash as other movies had tried, but rather a built up of anticipation and will she be able to get out without damages?
The script was witty and tight, pulling no punches on insulting how the gun laws were shit aka 'Welcome to America, where you'll wait six months for an x-ray but you can buy an AR-15 in five minutes flat'. & also how she laughed that that white politician trying to get women votes with his ridiculous proposal.
This was a movie I learnt, laughed and pondered on. I'd give it 1000000/10 for relevancy to today's society, Jessica Chastain for giving the movies so much life and i love the script so much
#miss sloane#films#reviews#movie reviews#i'd recommend it in a heartbeat#jessica chastain#more of these movies please#badass females
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Michael in the Mainstream: The Dark Knight Trilogy & Its Negative Impact on the Superhero Genre
Superhero movies have come a very long way in the past couple of decades, cementing themselves as a genre unto themselves rather than the odd action movie here or there. Almost every year a few new ones of varying quality pop up that incite equal parts excitement and derision. It’s definitely a genre people feel very strongly about, but even people who tend to not love superhero films will admit that Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is fantastic.
From 2005 until 2012, Nolan reinvisioned Batman in a way that grounded the character in reality. There’s no fantastical elements, there’s no insane science, there’s no superpowers… Everything in these films could happen in the real world. In a post-Batman & Robin world, this was seen as a breath of fresh air, and the critics loved it. In particular, The Dark Knight helped to usher in the modern age of superhero films, releasing the same year the MCU kicked off and widely being hailed as one of the greatest films of all time. That’s right, not even superhero films, films period. These films were impressive, groundbreaking, and… they fundamentally ruined superhero movies for quite a while.
Look, I don’t particularly hate these films. I think all of them are pretty good, in their own ways. But they have a lot of glaring issues that really hamper them a fair bit and yet, somehow, they became the blueprint that studios decided to look at for what they thought a successful superhero movie should be. Nolan’s films are serious, brooding, dark, and lack the whimsy and creative insanity that makes comics such a fun and engaging medium, and I think this right here is what has hurt comic book movies the most over the past decade. These are films that feel absolutely ashamed to be comic book movies, and they desperately want to seem like they’re “mature” and for “adults.” And, unfortunately for the rest of us, this shame translated over into a lot of other films, something we’re only just now recovering from.
Looking at the greatest strength of the trilogy shows this issue pretty well, that being the villains. Nolan’s films gave us truly iconic portrayals of characters like Bane, Joker, and Scarecrow, and you’re not gonna hear me say much bad about them. Cillian Murphy, Liam Neeson, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Aaron Eckhart, and Heath Ledger all do fantastic jobs as the insidious rogues of Batman. But the issue I have is that by grounding these characters in a realistic setting like this, it kind of misses the point. Joker isn’t using exploding cakes and laughing gas, Ra’s al Ghul isn’t an immortal warrior, Bane isn’t a drugged-up super soldier… They’re all just Guys. They’re Guys With Gimmicks, yes, but at the end of the day they aren’t what should be looked at as the be-all, end-all of the character’s portrayals.
And yet everyone acts like no one should ever play Joker again, because Heath Ledger’s Joker was just so good, guys! And he was good, but I don’t think Ledger’s Joker should be the absolute final Joker ever. Quite frankly, I prefer Phoenix’s Joker, because even if that version is also in a rather grounded film missing the overt weirdness of comics for the most part, he still dresses in a colorful costume, acts weird, tells jokes, and is in general more Jokery. Out of all of these villains, I think Bane and Scarecrow at least come within the ballpark of being close to how they should be, but Scarecrow is horribly underutilized and Bane is given a rather undignified sendoff.
Then there are the bigger issues. Batman himself is really downplayed throughout the trilogy, getting fairly little screentime compared to villains and side characters. This was a huge point of contention when The Dark Knight Rises came out, with most of the film featuring Bruce Wayne, and in hindsight it highlights how unwilling Nolan was to engage with the comic book trappings of what he was adapting. I like Christian Bale a lot, he’s a great actor, but I don’t think he really carries any of the films; in fact, it’s usually the villains carrying the movies. Bale is certainly not as bad as Val Kilmer in the role of Wayne/Batman, but he’s no Keaton, he’s no Clooney, he’s not even an Affleck. A lot of the time, he also just feels like… a Guy. And Batman should not ever, ever just be a Guy.
But perhaps the most egregious fault of the films is what it did to Gotham City itself. In Burton’s films, you really get a feel for the Gothic atmosphere of the city with how it’s designed, and this goes for Batman: The Animated Series too. And even the more cartoonish, colorful Gotham of Schumacher’s films pops and leaves an impact. But Nolan’s Gotham? It’s very much just a City. There is nothing distinct about Nolan’s Gotham, it’s literally just a generic city, and if you even have the faintest knowledge of Batman you will know that Gotham is not just a city. Gotham is pretty much a character itself, a dark, imposing landscape in which Batman does battle with his costumed foes. Every other adaptation I can think of knows to make Gotham feel unique and distinct, but this one just absolutely drops the ball. You might as well just have the city be New York if you’re going to put no effort into giving it personality.
And that all brings me to this: every reviled superhero movie of the past decade, from F4ntastic to The Amazing Spider-Man to Dawn of Justice, all have their genesis in Nolan’s trilogy. He laid the groundwork for these films to exist, and a large majority of the blame needs to be put on Nolan for sapping the fun out of comic book movies. Now, to be totally fair to Nolan, he’s not entirely responsible for what happened to the comic book film landscape; prior to him, the X-Men film series was giving all of the heroes dark costumes and being a bit more serious. But despite those films playing a bit of a part, there’s one major reason I don’t fault them nearly as much: The X-Men films never once felt ashamed to be comic book movies.
You have to understand, people loved grit and edginess in the 90s and had just violently rejected Batman & Robin a few years prior to the original X-Men film, so it’s hard to really fault it for wanting to avoid being too campy. But much like Blade, the films never tried to act like they weren’t still crazy comic book films. Scott still has eye lasers, Mystique is still blue, Nightcrawler looks like a demon, there are Sentinels and Apocalypse and even Dazzler shows up at one point! The X-Men franchise wasn’t always good, but it managed to balance between being silly and taking itself seriously pretty well for the most part. Magneto is still a Holocaust survivor, his relationship with Xavier still has impact, there are still emotional moments here and there, but then you also have Deadpool movies and the multiple comic book style retcons to the timeline that leave the continuity a mess, and something about that just feels right. And all that makes Logan less egregious despite being the sort of brooding, angsty superhero drama Nolan would make, because even if it is those things, it still centers around a dude with metal claws coming out of his hands trying to stop his best friend from wiping out everyone with psychic seizures. Nolan could never make this superhero film.
Nolan’s films, on the other hand, did. These films did not feel like they wanted to be comic book movies, they felt like they wanted to be serious crime films but Nolan was stuck with Batman so he just mashed the two together. And honestly, I’d probably be more forgiving if it weren’t for the hugely negative impact these films and their critical success had on the superhero genre even until this day. The first decade of superhero films as a major contender in cinema were colored by these films. People outright balked at silliness in superhero movies for quite some time, with a lot of criticism levied at the early phases of the MCU for being too goofy; in fact, at times it seemed as if the MCU was going a bit too far in the goofy direction without striking the proper balance, with films like Age of Ultron having most of its tension defused by constant wisecracks. And on the DC side, Nolan’s grounded approach lead to Zack Snyder’s flaccid filmmaking with dark coloration, moody atmosphere, and not a shred of joy to be found. Nolan is essentially the peak of dark, grounded superhero films, and Snyder is the nadir, but Snyder’s awful DC films wouldn’t exist if not for Nolan.
It was a slow crawl getting to what superhero movies should be. Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man were films tossed out only when Marvel was certain they could take risks, because absurd concepts like those would just not have been able to survive if not for years of good will beforehand. That’s not even getting into some of the more bonkers elements of later films, such as Ego the Living Planet and basically everything about Doctor Strange. In fact, Doctor Strange, for all its issues, is still a massive step forward for a genre that outright rejected magic for a long time, instead for a time turning Thor and his costars into a cast of hyper-advanced aliens, with later films having to clarify that there is magic and zombies and so on. The recent WandaVision was able to further clarify this by making Wanda unambiguously magic and not an evil Nazi science experiment.
Superhero animation didn’t suffer quite so much, but that’s mostly because, much like comics, animation is still seen as “kid’s stuff” by way too many people. And even then, they didn’t escape the shadow of Nolan totally unscathed; one need only look into the infamous Bat Embargo, which limited Batman villains so there could only be one given incarnation of said character in media. For instance, the Scarecrow being in Batman Begins meant he could not appear in the animated series The Batman. This lead to such things as no Batman characters appearing in Justice League Unlimited. It was truly a stupidly frustrating time to be a Batman fan when some of his most iconic foes were relegated to only certain appearances because it “might confuse kids.”
Let me again clarify this: I mostly like the Nolan films. I usually like Nolan, though he has become unbearably, obnoxiously pretentious these days. I think a lot of elements of them are great, I feel like they mostly have strong villains, and I don’t disagree that The Dark Knight is a fantastic film. But the thing is these are only good as AU stories, as their own thing; they should not be the template every superhero movie should follow, or any superhero movie for that matter, because they lack the ability to engage with the things that make people love comics in the first place. People love wacky, off-the-wall concepts, superpowered aliens, magic, talking animals, evil living planets, alcoholic ducks, and all that fun stuff.
People desperately want the fun, camp, and wacky stuff back in comic book films, as the success of the goofier DC films like Aquaman, Shazam, and Birds of Prey as well as the success of shows like Doom Patrol in comparison to the critical and audience revulsion of Snyder’s films, with Shazam in particular giving us such bonkers concepts as an entire family of superpowered children and Mr. Mind, the evil alien caterpillar. Thor: Ragnarok and the Guardians of the Galaxy films have become some of the most beloved MCU movies despite being weird, wacky, and wholly embracing the joy of comics to the point the latter films feature Howard the Duck and the aforementioned Ego alongside bizarre characters like Rocket Raccoon, Groot, and Taserface. And the thing with all of these films is that they’re able to balance the weirdness and wackiness of comics without losing sight of human emotion, moving storytelling, and drama. They’re both fun and deep, goofy and yet meaningful. This is what comics are, and what they should be, and anyone who thinks comics should be grim and gritty really needs to think about why they think an entire genre needs to be colored in with only the dullest colors.
I think what I’m trying to say here is this: Make a Detective Chimp movie, you cowards.
#Michael in the Mainstream#mitm#review#movie review#the dark knight trilog#the dark knight#batman begin#the dark knight rises#superhero movie#christopher nolan#DC
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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝕝
𝗟𝗲𝘃𝗶 𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿
ʳᵉˢᵘᵐᵉ : a cadet desperately in love with her Superior, and a corporal too scared to take his chance. in some situations, feelings take over, in others they are repressed and come to light too late
ᵠ_____________________☕︎______________________ᵠ
-You were a good soldier, the best of your promotion. Loved by all and a hope for this humanity.
-You had always had a big crush on Corporal Levi, however, even being aware of your feelings, and all those rumors going around one after the other, he didn't seem to care more than that.
- the day you made the mistake of having some semblance of hope, he rejected you, and hurt word after word. You had decided to declare yourself a day before an important expedition. After all, you weren't immortal so there were risks, there was that day when you wouldn't come back among these walls. He wasn't prepared for 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 day.
- "corporal I'm sorry-"
-“Y / N Cadets, you can't let your damn feelings get the best of everything, especially on the pitch. Do you know how dangerous that could put us in a situation? "
"I am aware of it, corporal"
"Well, don't let that happen again in the future
And that I no longer hear any rumors about any relationship we might have, otherwise, will you pay the full cost, including cadets? None of his damn scenarios running around will happen, I don't like you and you better do the same. If you have difficulty forgetting, go see hanzi, who may know that she has knowledge of magic potions ”
" 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐢𝐫"
- two hours before the expedition, your position within the formation has been changed. You were no longer part of the levi squad. The commander moved you east, right, far, far away from Corporal Levi's squad.
-you were now all gathered in front of the great wall, awaiting the opening of the immense door. The empty gaze, planted in front of you. The cheers of the citizens made your heart beat faster, "𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮", your gaze went to the corporal, he was looking at you. Your heart trembled, and a huge wave of shivers poured into your being.
-your formation may have been small, but it was the least likely to be attacked, this formation was safe. That's what you and the rest of the units thought.
-obviously, everything is not going as planned. A group of titans came straight at you, without warning. They destroyed your squad one after the other in no time. You were shaking, but despite that, you had to fight, until your last breath. It was your duty, the only reason for your existence, your only goal. Your heart started pounding again "you can't let your damn feelings get the better of everything, especially on the pitch" her voice echoed in your head. You fought with everything you had, there were way too many of them. There were only two of you left. There was still hope, there must be hope. You were launching into the air, attacking the titans in the neck, when you heard a shrill cry reach your ears your movements stopped. Your last teammate had just been devoured in the most excruciating way, you were looking at the last part of him that the titans had left as a leftover. Motionless
-you had been there too long, lost in your thoughts. What had just unfolded before your eyes had caused you to miss your shot, and the titan you had aimed at had caught you. Handle your fragile body in the air, like a puppet. From there you could see the whole forest, these titan must have been well over fifteen meters. You saw green smoke in the sky, causing a contrast in the blue sky. You almost forgot to be condemned, stuck in the clutches of one of these beasts
-your gaze went down. The titan opened his mouth and slowly brought you down, a creepy smile stuck to his face. You couldn't die like this. Not yet. A few inches from his face, you took your one and last blade, your only chance to escape him. You stuck the blade in his eye, and the titan launched you into the air. Your body bumped into a big tree breaking your bones, your body tumbled down, branch after branch, before ending up smashed to the ground. You were lying in the grass soiled by the blood of your comrades, the grass was cool and damp. Your gaze went to the sky and your fists grabbed some blades of grass with a strong grip. Your last thoughts were with the corporal, calling his name in an inaudible whisper. 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, one last time, because your fight was well and truly over. So a single tear ran down your cheeks, pale and icy, mixing with the blood that was flowing from your head.
-for his part, levi was at the center of the formation. There was clearly a problem, it weren't as many as usual. He frowned, continuing to shoot the queens of his dark horse.
- a messenger entered the troop, however from where he was he could not clearly hear. A green smoke was fired into the sky, indicating the change of direction. He looked up at the sky, and took the direction imposed
- once home, a ceremony was set up to congratulate the new recruit, as well as the survivors. The expedition had been a success, at least that's what he heard, the only thing he hadn't heard was 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞, usually you were really loud and maybe it hit him on edge, but he liked it. Your joy of living despite all the possible situations, despite the mess in which the world was at this very moment. 𝐇𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐝.
-it was now dark, and the faint candles lit the hallway in which he walked calmly. He passed some cadets in the hallways, but none of them bore your features. He walked past your room, no light, no noise. He frowned, ignoring the dark thoughts going through his head.
-he was now sitting on the sofa in Commander Smith's office. They must have met to get a full report.
"We didn't have huge losses this time around, it's quite unusual"
"That is to say ?"
"Only the team on 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐬𝐭 was wiped out, it's usually the safest place." We will be more vigilant next time, I had not put many soldiers in this squad since we were certain of the safety of the cadets- ”
"However?" , he could feel his hands shaking and his breathing becoming irregular. East Coast ? Your team?
"𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝, 𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭"
"Until the last one, are you sure?"
"Yes- "
"Where are the damn lists?" Give it to me"
-as soon as he saw your name his eyes widened. So you were really one of the losses to be deplored?
-he quickly leaves the office, with a list thrown to the floor, a door slamming and his limbs shaking. He walked over to his office. There he was, in the middle of the room, staring into space. A flaming rage hit him, and his office was nothing but chaos, a mixture of sadness, anger and grief had driven him to make this room a battleground. Only his desk still stood there, in the middle of the room. He remembers the scene in which he rejected you in the worst possible way. He was screaming and heading to his office to make her fly like the other objects on the ground. But he stopped when he saw a cup and a piece of paper in the middle. He walked around, sat down on the cold chair. He took the piece of paper and stared at it for a long moment.
- "you advised me to go see hanzi in order to obtain a potion which would make me forget, before doing it, I wanted to make you taste my love potion , corporal. Taste it, it is perhaps not. not be very good but I spent time there :) ”
- he looked up at the cup on his desk, he put the paper down and pointed his fingers at it, it was cold, icy. However, he tasted it. The liquid is bitter and absolutely infamous. Like that first tea you made for her when you arrived.
- he was crying in silence, blaming himself for your death, blaming himself for not kissing you that day and rejecting you. But above all, for transferring you to this squad. If you had stayed on his team, if he hadn't let his fear of loving you take over, he wouldn't have made that change that cost you your life. 𝐇𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐦.
ᵠ_____________________☕︎_____________________ᵠ
#captain levi x reader#attaque des titans#snk x reader#shingeki no kyojin#aot#levi ackerman#levi attack on titan#snk#levi heichou#levi x reader#snk fanfiction#snk levi#attack on titan
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Cartoons through the eyes of an abuse survivor
Before we begin, this is not me trying to “ruin your childhood” or whatever. This is just something that I noticed about myself. It was inspired by me re-watching “Mission Ed-possible” as an adult and how I viewed media as someone living in an abusive home.
I thought it was interesting and wanted to share and see what others thought and maybe have them share their stories.
The shows mentioned are Ed, Edd n Eddy, Foster’s home for imaginary friends and fairly oddparents. Some trigger warning that I do discuss some moments of abuse I went through but it’s not overly graphic or anything.
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As someone who grew up in an abusive home, it affected how I viewed and still view certain shows.
For starters, there's the episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy called "Mission Ed-possible" where Ed and Eddy get bad report cards and Double D is tasked with delivering them to their parents after school to make sure that they get them. As a kid, I thought Double D was the bad guy and I wanted the episode to have Eddy and Ed getting their report cards and changing them before their parents could see or destroying them. I remember being in tears as kid, sitting in front of the TV on the night this episode appeared.
Now, I was actually a pretty good student and usually got good grades. Usually. Whenever I did get a bad grade, I'd be terrified of my father seeing it. His usual punishments were forcing me to stand up straight in the kitchen while he yelled in my face for at least an hour about how I was lazy and got this grade because I didn't care about my future. I'd only be able to sit back down if he said I could and "talking back" earned me a slap and having to stand even longer.
Watching the episode now, I don't hate Double D or see him as the bad guy as he was just trying to do the right thing and be honest. I still feel bad for Ed and Eddy though. Another thing I noticed more as I grew older is how all three ed boys were victims of different kinds of abuse and how that may have made me connect with them as much as I did growing up without even realizing it. I have a whole post here.
Now, one show that made my blood boil back then and even now is "Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends" and not just because Bloo was a prick or that infamous bendy episode. No, it was Mac's older brother. Terrence. Fuck this kid and fuck anyone who thinks treating their younger sibling like that is at all okay. Same goes for Vicky from "Fairly Oddparents" but I'll get to that show later.
I was the youngest of three sisters and my older sister, the middle sister, got the worst of the abuse because she tried to stand up to our father. Because of this, she took her anger out on me and it was brushed off as "just something siblings do". While she has apologized for it long ago and tries to be better since we left our father, our relationship is still strained from it. I still feel this anger and fear towards her sometimes, even when she shows me kindness and it's something that hard to let go of because most of my childhood, she took her pain out on me. She was hurting and instead of telling her that taking it out on me wasn't good, she was told it was "Just siblings being siblings".
One show I can't watch now is Fairly Oddparents, not just because of who the creator turned out to be but because of how awful Timmy's parents and Vicky are and how they just...get away with it. Sure, Vicky was the butt of the joke here and there or had some misfortune happen to her but she'd be abusing kids again the next episode. One thing that made me mad, even as a kid, was when Vicky was actually caught for her abusive bullshit and he wished that it was undone because "She's the reason he has fairies". It's not like she only abuses him either. It's shown that she abuses every kid she babysits and her own little sister, Tootie. Even worse, their parents are too terrified of their oldest child and let her abuse their youngest. But yeah, don't let her go to jail, Timmy. Let her be free to hurt you and other children just because she finds it fun.
This is just something that's been on my mind and I felt like sharing to see if anyone else could relate or have their own thoughts about these shows and episodes.
#cartoons#ed edd n eddy#fairly oddparents#fosters home for imaginary friends#nostalgia#tw abuse#tw sibling abuse#tw child abuse#essay
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