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https-furina · 1 year ago

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✎ let me love you.

ft. heizou x fem!reader

w.c. tba

content: fluff but a lot of angst themes+situations, cheating relationship (unloyal partner scenario), hints at an abusive relationship, mild mentions of alcohol, moderate strangers to lovers?? heizou being a comfort <3

notes: inspired by ‘let me love you’ by mario. i just instantly thought of a fic and then i was like damn let me give it to my man <3 will edit tmrw!

shikanoin heizou may not be the best at communication, at least not in a healthy manner but he’s intuitive and he has a keen eye on anyone and everything in his surroundings at all times. this is not limited to the crime scenes he rocks up, having been missing from the police station for days at a time but also to his peers within the station - when he’s there. heizou has all their faces memerised and not to mention their mannerisms too. has he spoken to them before? of course not but heizou could tell you that they have a little sister training to be a shrine maiden.

one of these colleagues that heizou has studied numerous times while sipping coffee is uesugi. he’s fairly new to the station but heizou succumbs to his loud thoughts and conspiracy rambles more often than not. was this under the job description for a doushin? absolutely not, heizou considers walking away the next time uesugi approaches him. a fateful friday evening, another formal dinner amongst the police station’s workers and heizou is finding himself yet again, watching everyone. he likes to think he’s good at talking and he’s most certainly approachable but there’s solace in watching others and learning their traits without having to use the effort of speaking.

colleagues are still flocking in, heizou forgets how many people work at the station sometimes. perhaps it’s simply because he’s never there enough to truly care and if by chance he is in attendance at the station, his head is buried in case files and documents as if they’re his saving grace. there’s a lot of new faces he presumes joined at the same time as uesugi but he doesn’t stick around to find out, wandering to the drinks table now that it was clear of rambunctious middle aged men enlightened by how different the atmosphere is with food involved.

he pours himself a drink, bringing it up to his lips as he takes a sip. the mint is prominent, he grimaces for a moment before his eyes land on the very man he sought to avoid at this event except his arm is linked with a young woman, hair styled neatly to accompany how presentable you’d dressed for a work-related dinner. heizou clears his throat, quickly averting his gaze before he’s caught in the act. he sips the archons awful punch, hoping the mint knocks him out as uesugi’s voice grows nearer.

“oh - here, love, this is my senior i was talking about,” heizou has a lump in his throat as he prepares himself for the newbie’s endless speech, turning on his heel to face uesugi and his plus one to the event, “good evening, heizou.”

“i was starting to think you wasn’t going to show up, uesugi.” heizou quirks a brow at the flushed look on uesugi’s face, his cheeks painted a hue of pink that isn’t from embarrassment at heizou’s statement. heizou’s fingers tap the glass in his hand rhymthically.

“oh i was debating missing this one out actually but my girlfriend insisted when i told her about it,” uesugi is close now, standing beside heizou as he pours himself some of the punch that heizou is barely getting through, “said it was a good chance to bond with my seniors.”

“it is,” you’re quick to add to the conversation, a reminder to both men that you are still very much present. your tone holds a hint of annoyance as you speak to uesugi, “it’s almost the same as how much i have to drag you out of bed to attend work in the first place.”

uesugi sighs, it’s loud and tense but heizou catches the prominent stench of gin on uesugi’s breath - bingo. so uesugi turned up drunk? was it to cope with you berating him on his attendance to these matters or was you the one coping with him?

“don’t embarrass me in front of heizou, love.” his voice cracks a moment and there’s a slurred approach to the word ‘embarrass.’ your eyes glance over heizou’s face as uesugi returns to your side with the punch in his hand. he didn’t seem pleased about your boyfriend’s presence to begin with but now he seemed even more unsettled. swallowing, you catch uesugi’s threatening glare before he turns to allow heizou to see his face again.

you’re frozen on the spot, mumbling a sorry as you don’t link arms with uesugi again. instead, you cuddle your arms closer to yourself. the dress you chose for the event lacked sleeves, to which in your defence you hadn’t been prepared to be spending the evening in the tenryou commission’s courtyard. there was a chill in the air, raising the hairs on your arm but there wouldn’t be a chance of uesugi lending you his jacket now - this entire thing was your decision after all.

“hardly embarrassing you, uesugi,” heizou hums into the tense air, perhaps a little light-heartedly, “you do that to yourself enough.”

it clicks in your mind that heizou picked up on your boyfriend’s pre-dinner antics and you cringe, lowering your face but not before flashing heizou an apologetic look that he catches fairly quickly.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

shikanoin heizou, the sharpest detective in the tenryou commission; that’s what he prides himself in anyway. he isn’t sure if it applies anymore when he’s watching you converse with sango of all people. maybe he’s a little spiteful for how sango treated him during that one particular case, distrusting heizou in thinking he’d hidden important evidence from the court but he isn’t sure why he feels so annoyed to see you in her presence, laughing.

he’s almost forgotten the whole reason he’s watching you in the first place - okay, perhaps not watching you. he’s not creeping or stalking for that matter, he simply wishes to speak to you but you’ve been conversing with sango for half an hour and heizou debates how many criminals he could have put behind bars in this time. he hears you audibly bid farewell to sango, heading towards him. communication isn’t his forté, he thinks as he’s suddenly tense and unsure how to go about the situation.

heizou specialises in cracking cases and even more so cracking down on illegal trades, treasure hoarders and other crimes of the like. he doesn’t specialise in prying into his junior colleague’s life - especially his love life but after the dinner, uesugi was painted in an entirely different light to heizou. he’d spend his lunches no longer annoyed by uesugi’s constant chatter but instead that smiling, happy façade he wears in the police station. why wasn’t he like that with you?

“detective heizou,” you smile, eyes disappearing into creases that heizou thinks look like crescent moons, “fancy seeing you outside the station.”

heizou lets out a light chuckle, refusing to let his prior thoughts affect his physique as he folds his arms across his chest, pretending to look off down the street.

“shocking, i know but sometimes i do in fact leave the station,” heizou reels in how you laugh at his teasing sarcasm, hiding your face behind your hand, “how is uesugi? he hasn’t been to work so we figured he’d fallen ill.”

your face falls, the smile heizou was previously admiring gone without a trace other than pink dusting of your skin as you look away from the man. heizou can already conclude that uesugi isn’t ill, leading him to believe he needs to be chasing another possibility to this newfound case - one he presumes you’re already aware of.

“detective-” you break yourself off, debating if you should drop formalities for the sake of the mere idea you was about to propose, “heizou, can you do me a favour?”

heizou quirks a brow. he’s not an errand boy would be his first response if this was anyone else but it wasn’t some senior at the station or a junior cramming in last minute paperwork, no it was you. all things considered, he should probably do as you ask of him if he wants more intel on uesugi.

“depends what you’re asking of me.” heizou shrugs as if he wasn’t bothered by your sudden question but he was moderately concerned. if it was a legal dispute or anything of the sorts, you should be going to the station to report it in.

“don’t give me that, you’re the best detective at the tenryou commission,” you mumble, having second thoughts about this, “uesugi speaks about you all the damn time - it’s about him.”

he’s not stupid, he could tell it would regard uesugi the moment you started beating around the bush to avoid saying it.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

heizou’s hands are full of papers as he stands before you, the two of you choosing to meet under the trees of the chinju forest. when heizou questioned your choice of location, you had simply stated that uesugi lacks reason to come near the forest so you spend majority of your free time hidden amongst the trees.

“that’s all evidence?” you question, eyes moving from the papers to heizou’s face as he nods in response. you swallow the lump in your throat, pride damaged at the thought of heizou seeing you like this but you couldn’t help but feel hurt. you were succumbed by it, your skin burning as a tear rolled down your cheek.

he wouldn’t vocally admit it but it hurt him to witness you crumble before him, thanks to his own handy work. it’s his job to be a detective but these are not the circumstances that he should be using his skills and intuition for. heizou clears his throat, lowering the stack of papers to his side. what fuelled heizou to commit such heinous acts, following uesugi and snooping in the man’s personal belongings?

heizou watches the crystalline tears race down your cheeks, your bottom lip trembling as your hands shake. you’re experiencing a mix of heartbreak and anger, rightfully so. heizou can’t fault you for any of your emotions despite how uesugi had been treating you behind close doors. the man simply stands in silence, letting you mourn what could have been. in the mean time, he ponders why he was so fascinated with you. heizou realises it had started the night that you dragged uesugi to the work dinner, dressed so formal yet so breathtaking heizou wasn’t sure if he’d been allowed to stare.

“what do i do now?” you croak, barely a whisper as you suddenly confide in the detective, who is still at a loss for words taking in your beauty. heizou blinks, quickly looking away with a clear of his throat.

“well…” heizou’s voice trails off and he’s not sure what to say to you. you understand, making a noise as you hold your hand out for the evidence. heizou exhales through his nose, catching how your teeth tug on your lower lip as he passes you the wad of paper - receipts, letters, etc. he watches your fingers flip through the stack, lingering on some more than others.

heizou wishes he could send a punch right to uesugi’s jaw at that moment in time, listening to your hiccups in the silence of chinju forest. usually this forest would provide you with solace, peace and a safe space but now it’d been permanently tainted with these memories you’d have, her name engraved into your head every time you even consider uesugi. heizou realises the only thing stopping him is his position at the police station and the amount of paperwork he’d have to fill on the incident.

“thank you, heizou,” you break the silence as you lower the papers, wiping your cheeks with your spare hand, “can we.. stay in contact?”

heizou’s eyebrows raise at your question, a little surprised you’d want to keep him around with how he’d just aided in the worst turn of events for you. yet you’re looking at him, helpless and emotionally vulnerable as your fingers grip the papers so tight they’re creasing.

“if that’s what you desire, i suppose why not.” heizou hides the fact he feels a little giddy at the thought of staying in touch with you but there’s a twinkle in his eyes that gives you a form of comfort you never knew you needed.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“hey, shikanoin,” heizou hums in response to his name, failing to look up from the case documents in front of him - a missing persons with potential links to a murder mystery dating five years ago, “you seen that uesugi handed in a notice?”

heizou’s eyes finally lift from the papers, meeting owada’s smug gaze. the two are in a moment of understanding silence, owada doesn’t press heizou’s involvement in uesugi’s business just as much as heizou doesn’t care to show interest in uesugi’s resign.

“really? so the kid wasn’t cut out for the station after all,” heizou muses, pretending to focus on the case files once more, “should have seen it coming when he stopped turning up.”

“you say that as if you don’t rarely turn up to work, heizou,” owada scoffs, light hearted nonetheless, “but you have a point. you’re the only person allowed to pull that kind of shit.”

heizou contemplates if he should visit you after his shift, when his paperwork is done and he’s tired of seeing graphic details of autopsy reports. you kicked uesugi out after all but he always knew he could find you out in chinju forest, listening to the streams of water trickling freely.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

he would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate your company. the two of you in silence with nothing but the breeze as your white noise as you both tend to your own things. heizou has files sprawled out carefully, his index finger tapping his chin in thought whilst you nimbly work at making a flower crown - it was a last minute decision on your behalf, your eyes glancing at him occasionally.

he’s attractive when he’s so deep in thought, the cogs turning in his head as he ponders his work. you make a noise mentally, he’s always attractive. the looks he gave uesugi at the dinner, the way his eyes softened while you cried in front of him, how he always brewed the tea when he was visiting you at home - that’s barely scraping the surface of things shikanoin heizou did that you found attractive.

“what’s on your mind?” heizou hums, eyes flickering a glance in your direction when he notices you staring. heat rises to your cheeks, coughing a little as you look back down at the sweet flower crown on your lap.

“nothing,” you mumble, biting your tongue from a spark of sudden confidence, “i just like seeing you while you’re working.”

“you should stop by the police station some time if that’s the case.” heizou chuckles, sharp eyes catching the way you fluster from his words. your pupils have dilated, looking anywhere but him. what was he insinuating? you begin to overthink a little. heizou says no more and neither do you, succumbing to your silence again.

you finish the flower crown on your lap, making a soft noise of pride as you admire your handy work. heizou notices, peeping over to also admire the work of your fingers. he had never understood the concept of flower crowns but the girls in the village he grew up in always made them and he could effortlessly call them pretty every time. he thinks your skill in being able to make them too is alluring.

without a second thought, you find yourself kneeling closer to heizou who startles at your sudden movement, watching as you gently place your handmade flower crown on burgundy hair. it sits perfectly and heizou is inclinced to believe you made the flower crown specifically for him - right? you grin, even prouder of your work as you sit back in your original position to admire the detective now.

“what? do i look pretty now?” heizou mocks, taunting you a little as you scoff and roll your eyes. he smiles.

“i would say you look pretty all the time but i don’t think you deserve the compliment now.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

you can’t stop bouncing your leg and you’re not entirely sure what brought it on yet you glimpse around the streets of inazuma, confirming that he is still yet to be seen. he wouldn’t pull something like this after what he’d seen you go through, right? thankfully your pessimistic thoughts are quick to be eased when the familiar, comforting detective appears before you.

“ready to repay the favour?” heizou coughs, stunned to see you dressed so nicely once more. you’re less formal than when you had first met but heizou notices the glitter of your jewellery and he can’t deny how flattering your dress is on you. you shuffle on the spot as you stand, fingers playing with the gold bangles on your wrist embarrassedly.

“of course i am,” you’re quick to respond and you swallow the thought that perhaps you seemed too eager to be essentially going on a date with the detective who ended a year long relationship, “it’s a thank you, obviously.”

heizou smirks, considerably smug that you don’t admit what is actually happening this evening. he holds a hand out for you, gesturing for you to take it when you send him a confused look.

“come on, just take it,” he chides with a teasing tone, wishing he could forever see the look on your face as you do take his hand in yours, “i’m not leading you to your death, i’m taking you to a restaurant.”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

the evening air of inazuma was calming, not at all suffocating like the clammy restaurant had been but neither of you had any qualms about the matter as you walk side by side through chinju forest, a path you’d walked many times together - yet this time was different. this time, you was connected at the hands, unwilling to let the spark of skin contact go.

all evening, the two of you had got on like you had been lifelong friends - companions at this rate.

“hey - i know i’ve been joking about it but…” you look away from your joined hands, fingers laced together like they were moulded from the start, “i don’t think i’ve properly thanked you for what you’ve done with… him.”

heizou makes a noise of disgust at the mention of your now ex-boyfriend. you grimace, sending him an apologetic look to which he shakes his head.

“you don’t need to thank me, y/n. i’m just glad you’re out of that situation.” heizou sighs out, perhaps a little annoyed your paths didn’t cross sooner but then again, heizou doesn’t believe in desired outcomes and fate. in heizou’s eyes, him finding you in this lifetime is a culmination of every choice and move the two of you have made up until now - which includes you dating uesugi.

heizou feels you tense and goes to remove his hand from yours, unsure if it was because of something he said but your grip tightens on his hand in a hurried panic at the mere idea of losing the contact between you.

“wait- don’t pull away… not yet.” your voice is meek and bashful but heizou catches your words perfectly. for a moment he’s unsure if he heard you correctly but he gathers that he did when you don’t let go nor do you look at him in confusion. in fact, you clasp your spare hand over your connected hands, holding his hand in yours.

“i won’t, don’t worry,” heizou reassures you, squeezing your hand as you let out a sigh of relief, “i- uh, like the way your hand fits in mine.”

you almost curl over on the spot, heart racing at his words but you keep it together, maintaining your posture as you merely smile at his words, heat rushing to your face.

“can we do this again?” you ask, looking away to admire the glow of chinju forest’s plants and flora. heizou grins, his spare hand reaching up to fix your hair for a moment.

“what favour would you be repaying next time?” he teases and you poke your tongue out at him, followed by a little ‘hmph’ of attitude that heizou thinks is adorable, “i’m joking, unless…”

you look at him expectantly but heizou doesn’t continue, leaving you on edge at what he’s considering. but then you have a stroke of confidence bubbling in your chest, shoulders back as you declare a favour.

“how about i buy the dinner and then you can repay the favour by letting me call you mine?” the words come out without a second thought, your shy nature gone and submersed completely. heizou is astonished, where did the quiet y/n go? but he likes that stroke of confidence, the sudden rush of an ego that he wishes you would carry more often.

“see, now that’s a favour i can repay.”

#꒰꒰・♡ soft pillows #https-heizou #genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin fluff #genshin heizou #shikanoin heizou #heizou shikanoin x reader #afab!reader #genshin fanfic

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possum-tooth · 3 years ago

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wanted to test my new banners on twitch and my laptop sounds like its about to take flight

#girl.. relax 😭😭#i was at like 40% and it shot down to 2 as soon as i hit go live......#anyway my starting soon gif works AND my banner fucks so <3 perhaps i will 'stream' this weekend :)#idk i have so much going on all the time anymore.. kinda sucks ngl #what if i did crossword streams. like then yall could really see how fuckin stupid i am but <3 i literally have no other ideas #WAIT mutuals mc server....... wait idk how to set one up LMAO #charlie n and i could play mc for yall omg <3 #ok i. need to go to sleep tmrw is gonna be Rough its supposed to rain like all day so idk if i can actually get my lip pierced.. sad!#ok gn love you sleep well !!!!! <333 #talk tag

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heirloommtomatoes · 4 years ago

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#gdspeed everyone xoxo #something upsetting happened today so i am going to listen to going to california on repeat #and bake brownies #and watch parks and rec.........#and perhaps do some work but honestly i think i should just take it easy and work tmrw lmao #sighh hh hh hh h hh h h h #tbh i might feel better if i do some work lmao #we'll see! we'll see #otherwise the day was really great #chatted w my fave prof went for a run on a diff route and it was a really great run #got a matcha latte n had some fruit this morn!#if no one got me ..... i know going to california by led zeppelin got me .....#which is only one of my fave songs bc a) its VERY fun to play on the guitar bc its so pretty!#and b) its one of my bro's fave songs too so it reminds me of him which is nice #anyways heres my life story in the tags <3 #LMAOO #wait can u make these transparent #im obsessed w them #going to california my beloved .....

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starglitterz · 3 years ago

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HI DUDHWHWH IT STILL SAYS YOUR EVENT IS OPEN SO I HOPE IM NOT TOO LATE BUT I THOUGHT OF A LAST MINUTE ORDER!!! Can I have a chocolate caramel(celebrity au!!) pudding? (Zhongli, Childe [separately]) The reader would be a normal person, preferably not a fan of the two but happen to get noticed by them? Maybe they come across one of y/ns posts, or they bump into her or somethignjehdh but it’s up to you! Those were just some ideas :3 Thank you!

HIIIIII AKJSKASD DW YOU WERE JUST IN TIME HAHA

request; zhongli fluff, celebrity au, normal reader who isn't a fan

childe ver will be posted tmrw and linked here !

please reblog ! it helps a lot :)

( @viagiraffe )

zhongli.

zhongli honestly has no idea how or why on earth he is so popular, or why he tends to have fans swooning over his incredibly deep voice whenever he answers an interviewer. his manager claims it's because he's the type of guy who seems rare nowadays - polite, kind, friendly, smart... the list goes on and on. zhongli really appreciates the support of his fans, and he knows he'd be nowhere without them, but sometimes it truly does get overwhelming. so today, he's decided he's going to take some time off for himself.

zhongli's at his favourite cafe, it's one he used to frequent back when he was still a d-list celeb who had no chance of being recognised and mobbed. he hasn't been here in ages, and the familiar ambiance washes over him like a warm hug. a sigh of relief escapes his throat, causing him to tug his mask higher up on his face to hide his features. he's really praying that nobody notices him, because he likes the quiet tranquility of this hole-in-the-wall cafe, it's like his little secret which he doesn't want to share, not to mention the fact that he doesn't feel like dealing with the paparazzi today.

"hi sir, welcome to genshin cafe! what can i get for you on this lovely spring day?" you skip up to him and ask, already whipping out your pen and notebook to jot down his order. zhongli holds his breath as he turns to face you, though it's almost knocked out of his lungs as he realises just how gorgeous you are. he thanks celestia the mask conceals his expression, because he doesn't even want to think of how embarrassing it would be if you caught him gaping at you. "i'd like a cup of glaze lily tea and a couple of scones, please," he quickly formulates a coherent reply, hoping you don't mention the pause before he answered. you tuck the pen back into your pocket with a shining grin, "sure, coming right up!"

eventually you come back to serve him the dishes, with a friendly wish, "i hope you enjoy your meal, sir." "thank you, i'm sure i will," zhongli says, smiling up at you before taking a sip of the tea. his eyes widen in surprise, and he files a question away in his mind before starting to snack on the scones. later, as he's paying the bill, he asks, "did you brew tea from earlier?" you ring up the total, glad that he isn't complaining about it, "yup! did you like it?" "honestly speaking, it was one of the best brewed cups i've ever had the pleasure of tasting," zhongli compliments you, genuineness spilling into his tone, "how did you do it?" giggling, you wink, "that's a secret! perhaps you'll be able to find out if you meet me after work."

he laughs, "i think i will," prompting you to chuckle in reply as you hand him the receipt. and when zhongli notices the hastily scrawled phone number with the message 'call me' scribbled onto the piece of paper, he doesn't bother thinking about what his manager will say, or his fanbase, or his co-workers - he's just too full of excitement to meet with you later. was this what those characters he played in his long repertoire of movies meant when they talked about love at first sight?

quill speaks !

hiii i hope u liked how i wrote ur request ! i think it turned out p cute :]

aaaa i'm too tired to write a long a/n HAHA

sooo i hope you enjoy your stay at quill’s dessert cafe, and do check out the menu if you'd like ! 🍭

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darkfinch · 2 years ago

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about that rabbit content.... i have the day off work tmrw and he's like 78% of my brain rn do u have any doodle requests <3 - creepyspytruck

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u are a gem and a legend and a hero and a wonder......if u are at all rabbit-art-inclined on ur day off, please consider: rabbit & baby quinn in their matching knit sweaters....... rabbit and his collection of little wooden animals............. quinn trying to charge off to fight someone and rabbit holding him back by the collar of his shirt, unbothered............ rabbit drinking tea with quinn and perhaps a very nervous eliot........ rabbit with his non-optional birthday hat (placed there by an extraordinarily :3-faced quinn)

the world is ur oyster the opportunities are endless. rabbit <3

#any rabbit content at all would cause my heart 2 transform into like. a spinning sparkly disco ball. pure joy etc #ENJOY UR DAY OFF TOMORROW <3 <3 <3 <3

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pellucid-constellations · 3 years ago

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hallo beloved author, perhaps i am here again. i missed youu ! can't wait to read the next chapter of undisclosed tmrw :) my day was soo unproductive but eh, atleast i get to read so that was quite good for me, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. on the other hand, i hope you're doing okay — what are you up to btw? again don't forget to drink your water and idk if i have said this before but i literally worship the ground you're walking on and NO ONE TRULY HURTS ME LIKE YOU DO >:( like the rumours are true i always cry when i read your fics (in a good way). i love you and i hope you have a wonderful day !!! mwah

- 🎨

Hello I missed you too!! I can't wait either I hope you love it <3 I'm not up to much, just working and writing! I'm glad you had time to read :) Ah I love you and I cry every time you send me a sweet message I swear 😭 I love you!!

#asks #🎨

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straykats · 3 years ago

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babes i hope you got your work done >:(

[this is my attempt at reminding you to get your work done sjbsjshsjsjs]

btw i just wanted to say… it’s okay if you’ve been sleeping a lot lately. it happens to me too and i’m always guilt-ridden but my friends and family all say the same thing and it helps me feel less… upset with myself.

you’re only sleeping this much because your body needs it. it’s tired and it’s asking for rest and the only way it can convince you is by tiring you out and making you sleep an entire day. and that’s okay. sometimes we need a break 💛 remember to not be hard on yourself. eat a banana or something. it’ll help fuel your brain to start getting serious.

i really do hope you get all your work done. but just remember that it’s okay to take breaks and you’re not wrong for wanting to relax and unwind.

HAHAHAH yessir i'm trying to do it, but i'm currently taking my time w my coffee while (re)watching miss fisher's murder mysteries njdkf i did some work while waiting for my food to heat up so !! and i'm gonna go to the library tonight and hopefully get a lecture done for tmrw, and also try and finish (or at least outline) the rest of one of my assignments. i also need to do some research for another which wil hopefully be done by.. tmrw 💀 it's a group assignment though so uh. not /as/ much pressure. but also still a lot of need for it to be done so the others can do their part rip. (just me,, listing everything i need to do because apparently telling someone what you need/want to do is a good way to get it done??? which is why i'm scared to post a wip list HAHAHAHA) (perhaps i will do my lecture at home before i go to the library hm.)

i will confess that i am not a fan of bananas. but yes i am trying to eat/drink stuff that'll energise me a bit (but not energy drinks.. red bulls no no... the smell is no no sigh)

thank you ti for sending this though, it means a lot <3 <3 <3 <1 (triangle) (idk why; i just made a typo and it looks funny so u can see it too)

#sulfurcosmos #kat answers

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decembermoonskz · 3 years ago

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OOOO thats a nice song,,, vgm is actually really nice?? i dont tend to go to them for bgm (i dont really play video games so i'm not too familiar with them, in my defence) but whenever i'm rec'd smth from a video game i 👀👀 jdkjdka but what a handy rec - i've a handful of wips that i could use some good bgm for while writing >:)

ngl i have no clue what a patch is in regards to genshin 😀👍 the only patch i know is the farming kind (jkjk) but i am glad you are excited about it and i hope it meets your expectations!! and eEEK so happy you're managing to read!! if i can be so bold as to ask you to enjoy reading on my behalf too <//3 i currently possess ten too many books tbr and yet new ones keep catching my eye sigh

i will most definitely keep hydrated while i work. fell off the hydration train a few weeks ago but i have had a whole bottle of water today so wHOO and yessir i saw the g&s teaser and i am AHH i shall perhaps read it tmrw hehe

(also no need to apologise for the late reply!! i managed to start my assignment so that was Very Good.)

if you ever want like vgm recs lemme know! also i highly recommend listening to the persona 5 and persona 5 royal soundtracks p5 has some of the best music highkey 😩 imma link another fave of mine from the game at the bottom!

OH LMAO i'm sorry a patch is like an update patch so new content is coming out then HAHA i didn't think about that. also yeah i've been reading a lot more because of school, and it's been a lot of fun! i haven't really read much but i'm hoping i can now!! i've never been a big reader of things that weren't like webtoons and graphic novels because i love looking at the art as well. it's been really nice though, i'm a big fan of jenny han so reading a series i liked through the movies and coming to appreciate where it started makes me happy.

also good i'm glad you're staying hydrated 😤 i have to do the same so i get it, when i get really hardcore into studying i'll get in the zone and forget hehe... also enjoy the teaser when you get the chance! and nice on starting your assignment!!

here's the song rec btw

#mail #straykits #the truest angels

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desolategrave · 3 years ago

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entry number four

ayyyeee whattup im in a alright mood :D its basically my friday as i have tmrw n thurs off B) working all labor day weekend tho, last year + prior i woulda cried like a lil bitch about it and found any way out of working but im not that mad about it. is this growing up? perhaps. i am starting to think that i am not mad about working anymore because of the revelation i had regarding darwinism and religion and all that. :D i hope ill just b able to proceed w my life as a blissful sim like the rest. i took a water test today bitch was literally swimming in a vat of acid, opened up the bottle and a bit splashed my arm and it BURNED. ONE drop. BuRnEd my ArM. its cool tho cuz i got to play w the water a bit after she left cuz i saved it in a container and when i squirt it w the syringe the water would sizzle and foam up. was pretty cool to see. hope her skin dont burn off. <3

#rant

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betterdaysareatoenailaway · 4 years ago

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TO HAVE & HAVE NOT #2: STARTUPS FOR SHITHEADS

I have never understood the borderline hagiographical hoopla that surrounds startups. Even the fucking name suggests a kind of nascent know-nothing numbskullery. The “it’s my first day” excuse. Vaporware. Half-formed ideas surrounded by full-time douchebaggery. Such were my impressions before I ever read anything about startups. Now that I have done so, I can see that I was underestimating just how poorly run these companies can be.

As far as I can tell, it works like this: A middle-aged white man gets an idea to fill a need in [insert industry here]. This man always lacks the necessary skill to deliver the product, so he cherrypicks undergraduate college kids (knowing they will work for very little money) to do the hard work in an open-concept office while he hides behind the foreboding oak door that he slams every time he enters his office, lest the underlings deign to ask the question they’re all dying to ask, which is....what do you do?

In the movie Steve Jobs (not the Ashton Kutcher one, though the fact that I have to differentiate shows just how revered these do-nothing con men are) there is a great scene where Seth Rogen asks the titular fuckhead that very question.

I won’t ruin the answer for you, but you can probably guess it’s a needlessly convoluted rationalization that boils down to: “umm...not much.” The only thing the middle-aged white male CEO can do is sell his vision. He cannot sell his product because it doesn’t exist. And as the upcoming selected quotes will show, sometimes he doesn’t even want the product to exist. A physical product necessarily has features and details, a pesky sentience that weighs it down and keeps it from flying. But dreams float forever. So the company exists to sell the dream, to peddle a promise of a future world where the product exists and has improved the lives of those (and only those) who use it.

A series of high-level meetings take place either in golf clubs or conference rooms or both, and money starts pouring in. Said money is promptly spent on sex workers, booze, and/or drugs. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, I’m merely pointing out that the money is spent fast and spent stupidly. Not to wag my finger, but if you can’t pay your lowest paid employees’ paycheques and they’re late on rent and have empty fridges...you should lay off the rippers and the blow. Furthermore you are a shithead and your hubris has a very real human cost. But the shitheads keep coming. I read an article this week that talked about the history of the coded, racialized term “superpredator” and its very real consequences on incarceration and Black youth in America. The news media should have warned us about the shitheads instead. Think of the headlines! THE SHITHEADS ARE COMING. Or the news media should have kept the term but replaced its description from African-American gang member to middle-aged white golf club member.

See, even though over 95% of startups fail to recoup the money it cost them to...ahem...start up...people keep falling for this shit. The shitheads keep coming. It’s like nobody can say no. Such largesse is bound to give birth to arrogant assholes who are bad at numbers and can’t code. And the absenteeism reported on in these articles is nothing short of miraculous. So when you’re a CEO you can just...not go to work? That’s an option?

Apparently. In the two examples I read, the boss comes in late if he comes in at all. It all reminds me of the scene in Apocalypse Now where a weary Martin Sheen, huddled in a trench to escape mortars fired by an unseen enemy, barks “Who’s in charge here?” and the guy next to him says “I thought you were.”

The two different articles I read are about corporate impropriety. Both feature eerily similar quotes about eerily similar situations in which the CEO - the ostensible leader of the company and therefore the shepherd and spokesperson for its “product” - actually does not want the software to be completed, because by leaving the product in a state of perpetual almost-thereness, more investors can be duped, which means more hookers rented, more booze bought, and more drugs done.

And more entry-level workers fucked over by their paycheques either bouncing or not coming up at all.

It all sounds like reality TV. When Startups Close Down or When Idiots Collapse.

Here’s a quote from a Toronto Life article about a Canadian capitalist named Boaz Manor who used the fake name Shaun McDonald to start a new venture (of course a rich guy’s last name is Manor...to the manor born, amirite?):

“Leong, Ortiz and others who did the demos insist the terminals would have worked, or could have. But they say Shaun seemed to be more interested in the marketing than in the product itself. ‘I believe the tech was never finished because Shaun didn’t want it finished. What he wanted was to raise more money,’ Ortiz says.”

And here’s a quote from an article in The Verge that details the almost-boring-because-so-inevitable rise and fall of a company called Oomba, run by a douche named Michael Williams:

“After four years, the company’s core product was never able to do what it said it was supposed to: work with any game. It’s possible this was because many of Oomba’s engineers were college students whom Williams apparently sometimes paid in free food and the promise of stock options. Or maybe, a few employees suggest, he preferred to keep the software unfinished. ‘There’s glitches and glitches and glitches, but he didn’t want it to work. He wanted it to stay almost done, to raise more money from investors,’ one senior-level employee believes.”

Bearing such malfeasance in mind, I’d like to announce that I’m starting my own startup called...uhhh....let’s go with Revivify. Our product will be vaguely revolutionary in [insert field or industry here] and our company will stay private by courting the interest and support of venture capital firms. In the hawkish world of venture capital and leveraged buyouts, “interest” means time-consuming meetings and “support” means money. Our CEO shall be me, and I will be spending $500 a day on heroin, $500 a day on coke, and $1000 a day on crack. $2 for my morning double-double. I will be arrested sometime in late 2022 and go to jail for four years. The day I am released I will overdose on fentanyl in a Starbucks bathroom in Guelph.

I’m kidding, of course. But Jesus F Christ, what a fucking hustle these guys ran. An eternal “coming soon” sign. Always almost done. Brilliant assholes, these startup starters. All of them. I’m neither creative nor mercenary enough to do what these CEOs did, though I have done terrible things in my life to get the money that pays for heroin. I’m just smart enough to know that my life is essentially tainted, just talented enough to know I don’t have enough talent to make a living from it. Let me leave you with a quote from Mary Robinson’s “Yours”, a story that appeared in The New Yorker in the early 1980s, a story with a quote that explains my conspicuous lack of accomplishment and achievement in my 34 years on this planet:

“...to own only a little talent....was an awful, plaguing thing...being only a little special meant you expected too much, most of the time.”

Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.

To have just enough talent to know you’re not talented enough to get paid for the one thing you’re good at doing sucks. Lockdown is back again and my job is gone. Therefore I am currently selling the lower half of this photograph to the highest bidder. Bidding started this morning at 35 cents and I’m already up to $4. Go capitalism. As Alan Greenspan once proclaimed, perhaps unwittingly displaying the kind of circular logic only Americans seem capable of: “The regulatory mechanism that oversees the market is...the market.”

This is the financial version of “we had to destroy the village in order to save it.”

Anyway I’m kidding. There isn’t really a lower half to that photograph. There’s nothing to see. I’m selling you the hope that you will see my penis. I can’t believe someone has offered me $4 for it. I didn’t expect to clear $3.25.

ANYWAY that’s it for me, for now. I’m heading back to fictionland, where I actually wield a modicum of power, though it’s not power I want.

It’s comfort. Comfort for me and my cat. I just got over an illness that might have been COVID and I have my cat Cookie to thank for assisting my speedy recovery. The only reason I read about the above-mentioned startups is because I was lying prone for ten days, groaning and reading articles. So if you’re bored or perhaps sick, here’s a link to an excellent Stephen King short story, also published in The New Yorker: http://writ101van.weebly.com/uploads/2/2/7/3/22735066/king_the_man_in_the_black_suit.pdf And here is an impeccably well-crafted piece on self-respect, something I decidedly lack, by Joan Didion: https://www.vogue.com/article/joan-didion-self-respect-essay-1961 Sorry about the lack of updates on here, all one or two of you who read this. I’ve been writing a new novel and trying to find a publisher or agent for my first one, a decidedly non-commercial affair. 900+ pages. I gtg. Sleep awaits. I have a startup to start tmrw.

#betterdaysareatoenailaway #startups #millions #losers

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