#tldr a guy wanted to come in the park to see the flag we have up for veterans day

[hyah-through-hyrule]

"Don't come to Chicago sweetheart" has got to be the funniest threat I have ever received at work

[onomatopagu-et-cie]

The Killing Vote (ep. 8 notes, part 1)

The Killing Vote (ep. 1-5 notes) The Killing Vote (ep. 6 & overall notes) The Killing Vote: more on Joohyun, Kwon Seokju & Kim Muchan The Killing Vote (ep. 7 notes) Discussion on symbolism with @mare-sanguis: hands, the ambidextrous angel and serpents (part. 1, part. 2)

I hope you had a nice week-end!!!!

I was fighting against my laptop (and on top of that, a nasty cold, my room feels like a fridge these days ;;): it had LOTS of problems with its ventilation last week (I have to come up with every little trick like stacking books under for it not to heat up, if someone has tips I’m all ears 8D)! It’s accompanied me for 8+ years so this little guy has sometimes trouble to load internet pages, to say nothing of taking notes and editing screenshots, it took even longer than usual to post, and I wanted to post it at least before the new episode aired haha ;;

I think I’m competing against myself for the word count each time lmao (TKV really is some rabbit hole material, I’m even considering buying a copy of the script if it’s available for sale one day haha), it got even longer, so once again respect for reading through all this 🫡 I have to cut it in parts, so I’ll list what each part is about below!

I think the three parts will be uploaded today!

I wanted to write some notes on criminology and TKV here but I think I’ll leave it for another post/reblog of this one, as it’s not that relevant to the episode compared to the many others in this post and it got already too long _ (´ཀ`」 ∠)_

Tldr: what is everyone cooking in this drama???? I’m losing my marbles, there are too many hints thrown in all directions, they all do some big 4D chess and you don’t expect the audience to overthink every single detail 8D???

Have a nice end of the week ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ 🍂🎃

(SPOILERS UP TO EPISODE 8!!!!)

Part 1

General impressions on the episode Official character profiles Lee Minsu’s tattoo Three pictures missing in Kwon Seokju’s house Choi Jinsu, Min Jiyoung and Lee Minsu « If I were Gaetal… » and a triangulation orchestrated by Kwon Seokju and Lee Minsu

Part 2

Jihoon and Gaetal Jihoon’s name Joohyun, Kim Muchan, Kwon Seokju and the Killing Vote « The moment you perfectly understand… » The Gaetal Kwon Seokju’s departure

Part 3

Joohyun and Gaetal More on Joohyun’s scar and expressions Joomin and the ‘firecracker smell’ Kim Muchan and Gaetal What’s still not addressed (yet) The ‘witness’, chronology of some key events, where the story is going

♦ General impressions on the episode

WHAT AN EPISODE OOF!!!! It keeps getting nerve-wracking haha

All the cast was amazing to watch, but Kim Kwon’s performance as LMS… w o a h, he was in the audience’s seat with us, entertained by the chaos he created, a true clown (even his mother was nonplussed haha) 8D Im Jiyeon who played opposite him as Joohyun dfhjvbfdhvdjhbdfbfvd (and let her live all the way through, no more death flags please ;;)

I have no words whenever there’s a scene involving the MCs’ quatuor or trio (KSJ, KMC, Joohyun & LMS) 🫠🔥

Jihoon was also really great, it was nice to finally see him in action and looking more open/expressive with his feelings!!!!

I loved the scene where Joohyun visited KMC’s home! It was a funny call-back to when KMC witnessed the mess on her apartment’s floor lmao

We finally got a smiling Muchan but………….. at what cost ⚰️

In any case, this cast is really the embodiment of the Spiderman meme lmao

Everybody is going to jail ayyyyyyyyyyy Ngl but the way the drama unfolds makes me think everybody in the cast will be truly involved in TKV in one way or another, since the beginning, the middle or in the end haha

According to this kr tweet (I have yet to find these interviews!), Park Haejin (KMC’s actor) hinted KMC isn’t ‘at first’ Gaetal.

Because there’s not enough context in the tweet, it could also be about KSJ (because it’d align with what we learned) but I believe it’s about KMC since the user implores the scriptwriter not to kill off KSJ — and I agree with them 1000000000% haha — ➾ it’d then make sense KMC isn’t ‘at first’ Gaetal.

Park Sungwoong (KSJ’s actor) said his character won’t assume the role of the villain in the story………. Interesting maneuver me says haha

Oh and also I found in the most random way the nightclub where KMC busted the drug scene (ep. 7) in this MV (I was looking for the new album of Whee In, a Mamamoo member, and curiosity got the better of me haha)!

It’s too bad I couldn’t get the name of the set but you can see the statue a little clearer, so I took a screenshot:

♦ The Killing Vote’s official character profiles

I didn’t get to read it until now, but SBS uploaded character profiles for the characters in TKV’s section.

Every profile is worded in a way that makes the audience suspicious of the character (a persistent, crazy, and competent lunatic, as Jodan said!), which is an interesting detail!

Here are some excerpts I found interesting to share:

→ Kim Muchan’s profile

On his relationship with KSJ: « KSJ, with whom he was close enough to call ‘hyung’. »

The profile clearly states he manipulated the evidence 8 years ago.

On his guilt and Narae's case: « Even to this day, there are countless sleepless nights where I still ruminate over my decision » ???? That’s what Gaetal said on their first broadcast in ep. 1: « It disturbs me so much that I can’t even fall asleep. »

The page also says he’s now determined to go after the culprit he failed to arrest then because of the wrong choices he made in the past AND the one who truly pulls the strings of TKV (배후 means rear/back/behind but can also mean by ext. mastermind ; this does not necessarily mean the 'true' Gaetal though mmmmh).

→ Joohyun’s profile

KMC and KSJ’s relationship captivates her. This isn’t even subtle, you can’t make that sh*t up lmao:

« 어떤 데이터보다 분석하기 어려운 김무찬과 권석주, 두 사람 사이의 묘한 긴장감이 그녀의 ‘촉’을 자극한다. » ‘The peculiar/intriguing tension in the relationship between KMC & KSJ, who prove to be more challenging to analyze than any other data, stimulates her ‘intuition/nose/sixth sense’.

She was admitted in the Cyber Bureau through special recruitment.

Because of the lack of evidence, the case of her family was closed as a simple drowsy driving and not DUI (and according to the drama, by a repeated drunk driver at that).

Her scar became the stigma reminding her of the injustice she suffered.

There was only one police officer (I wonder who that is… ?) who cared about her story and that’s why she decided to join the police.

Note: I believe the car crash happened in 2013, KMC was 27 at that time!

→ Choi Jinsu’s profile

See the point about CJS & Min Jiyoung below!

→ Jodan’s profile

It says he participated in various hacking defense competitions held by KISA, the NPA and the NIS.

He was a white hacker (even though he stated in the drama he was once arrested so it means it wasn't done within a legitimate context eg. contract mmmmh) and the profile states he sleeps during the day and like KMC, stays awake and works all night.

→ Lee Minsu’s profile

He actually had an artificial defibrillator inserted because suffers from a congenital heart disease (‘선천적 심장질환’).

The quote introducing his character does an interesting wordplay:

« 정의에는 수많은 갈래가 있고, 세상 모두가 인정하는 정의란 不在(부재)하다. » ‘Justice carries within itself various branches, and there’s no such thing as justice universally agreed on in the world.’

부재하다 means ‘be absent/missing’ ; because of denasalization, the ᄆ at the beginning of 무죄 (‘innocence’, part of KSJ’s catchphrase ‘devils deemed innocent’/‘무죄의 악마들’) might sound like a ㅂ, making the two words paronyms (ㅔ and ㅐ might sound similar in practice ; ㅚ and ㅐhave subtly nuanced pronunciations because the first one is a diphthong, but sometimes pronunciations overlap and are not kept distinct).

➾ This could be a fitting detail to convey the devils find innocence in that void/loopholes of the justice!

This also defines his character pretty well: every single moment of his life further encouraged him to gamble with others’ lives (eg. because of his mother’s excessive indulgence and his family’s lack of proper surveillance, punishment and care when it mattered). As in LMS’s notes, nothing altered the course of his life and everything snowballed. Note: I’m not saying it justifies/excuses his deeds of course, it only provides context and this dude definitely enjoys everything happening in his drama!

Interestingly, the Mu in Muchan is associated to the law (see the previous post for ep. 7!), AND it can also be written with the hanja 無 (무효 uses this hanja and means ‘invalidity/nullity’ ie. state of having no effect, often used about legal effects of a contract or provision for example), 无 & 毋 (없다 which can mean non-existent/lacking).

I said it in a previous post, but the Min in Minsu can be written with 泯 (망하다, be ruined/destroyed, used when JJW says No. 1 Fan ‘destroyed’ the person KSJ loved the most). The two characters are set as opposites.

→ Choi Dohee’s profile

Her introducing quote is also interesting:

« 인간을 지은 건 신이지만, 인간의 악을 재단하는 건 인간이야. » ’Humanity was God’s creation, but Evil is Humanity’s choice.’

Note: tricky to translate because 재단하다 means both judge (ie. make a decision by distinguishing between right and wrong) and cut out (ie. cut a material such as fabric/wood, etc. into a certain shape or size which is also visually fitting), which fits her character to a T since she deliberately manipulates facts to ‘reveal the truth more effectively with a provocative twist/seasoning to it.’ (eg. she deems her work with Joohyun as a win-win situation because both of their contribution were recognized in her eyes: she got awards, Joohyun was promoted).

Her character could parallel KMC’s reckless behavior too.

This aligns with the new episode and her overall behavior in the drama: « 그렇게 개탈과의 공생 관계를 만들기 위해 더욱 과감한 행보를 보이기 시작한다. » ‘This way, she begins to take bolder steps to create a symbiotic relationship with Gaetal.’ Note: 공생 means cooperation, but also mutualism and symbiosis.

→ Joomin’s profile

« I lack words whenever I think about my parents’ murderer who deftly escaped the net of the law in the past. It goes without saying that I too would choose ‘revenge’ over forgiveness. »

(I’m not even trying to think about the consequences if someone harmed Joohyun aaaaaaaaa)

→ Jihoon’s profile

He lost his parents at a young age and lives with his grandmother (where? Nobody seems to know given ep. 8).

Even though his smile is really beautiful, a shadow is always cast on his expression. He has no presence at all at school and willfully doesn’t mix with his peers (he’s an 아싸, something like an introvert in slang, it’s the abbreviation of the loanword ‘outsider’).

And according to the profile, he finds himself smiling before he knows it as he gets closer to the sisters my heart ;;;;;;;

→ Jihoon’s grandmother, Yang Hyejin

She struggles to shoulder all alone the painful story behind the death of Jihoon’s parents.

And gdi the picture they chose for KMC’s profile couldn’t be more red RED (like… TKV’s sign 8D), look in contrast with KSJ (they chose a picture of him wearing the blue prison uniform) & Joohyun (the background is white)!

♦ Lee Minsu’s tattoo

What’s on LMS’s tattoo? Besides the ‘My Daddy My Hero’, there seems to be some illustration/pattern on the top of the cross?

Because of the lighting in ep. 4, we couldn’t see it clearly:

(I’m tempted to say it looks like Gaetal’s mask: there’s some white figure/circle with two black dots inside!)

And this doesn’t seem like your average crucified Christ either!

♦ Three missing pictures at Kwon Seokju’s house

I don’t know if this will be relevant later, but when Joohyun checked KSJ’s house in the present, three frames on the wall were empty.

KSJ’s flashback of moments spent with his daughter (in ep. 6) shows they still had pictures in the past.

The drawing that was removed is not one of the two KSJ kept with him in prison, did someone else take it eg. Jihoon?

♦ Choi Jinsu, Min Jiyoung and Lee Minsu

I have a feeling Choi Jinsu was the one that was supposed to keep an eye on KMC.

In ep. 7, Min Jiyoung asked her assistant: « Keep an eye on KMC. Ask some of my family’s men to spy on him without the chairman finding out. »

In ep. 4, there was this exchange between CJS & KMC:

« — [BWT] is registered at the chairman of Samdo Steel’s address. You know his new wife is an assemblywoman, right? — I’m not interested in politics. »

Joohyun ruled him out of the list of suspects for Gaetal because he was a detective on the case even though he attended every trial and didn’t know KSJ personally (and we know all this doesn’t mean anything!)…

And in ep. 6 (the pictures below), a shot emphasized his expression (in KMC’s direction, no less ; he averted his gaze right after while swallowing even though it was too short for the shots to show it) at the mention of Min Jiyoung’s family running Seorae High School’s Foundation.

And he drops THIS banger ('He's always been a smart kid') as if he had personal knowledge about it (and it even made turn his team's heads) and he never finished his next sentence. KMC seems to have noticed that.

Note: by this moment in the drama we were shown Narae’s case and how he was by KMC’s side then, which gives us the perhaps mistaken impression he wanted to talk about Narae!

Choi Jinsu also said this to LMS when he was called as Jihoon’s guardian for an interview in ep. 6: « Given the severity of the case, we’re trying to keep this investigation as discreet as possible. When parents get involved, things often get more complicated. You know what I mean. »

Did his family also get tangled with Min Jiyoung’s somehow?

And we've got CJS exchanging glances with MJY in this episode's scene when they arrested LMS (the second set of pictures above!).

At the beginning of ep. 8, the drama also emphasized his reaction to LMS being caught on the CCTV at the funeral for BGC (more on that later).

And here’s some info we get from his official character profile:

— He has 20 years of experience in Violent Crimes (but he was never promoted while staying in KMC's team).

— He is surprisingly good at handling suspects’ interviews ie. he’s listening to their stories well and he’s a « genius » at building a rapport with them (yes, the drama always emphasized how Joohyun was to establish a rapport with KSJ but never brought up that detail about CJS, though he always sounds amicable with people he interviewed so far, which contrasts with KMC’s harsh behavior!).

— He ALWAYS (emphasis on always) uses with KMC the ‘good cop-bad cop’ strategy to progress in investigations.

— The character profile also highlights how he always follows KMC « wherever he goes » ; it also associates this expression to his character when it says he’s admirative of Muchan: « 무찬바라기 ». Note: it comes from the Korean word for sunflower, 해바라기: « when you add 바라기 at the end of a specific word, you mean that you admire something or try to follow that specific word like a sunflower that admires and tries to follow the sun. »

— Thanks to that (him following KMC all the time), police officer in every fiber of his being, he lately receives indifference/unfrendliness from his wife and child.

— For 8 years (after Narae’s case) he travelled with KMC around the country and went to great lengths to bring KMC back to the « central stage » (ie. probably hard-working to go up from the South to Seoul, which got KMC his bad reputation and also probably why CJS never got promoted according to his record when Jodan checked his background).

And this could explain a whole lot how:

He caught KMC at the forensics by night (because he perhaps followed him) in Narae's case ;

(a reach but) he insisted on KSJ murdering Narae's lead while coincidentally Min Jiyoung was trying to shift the attention off her son by uploading the video smearing KSJ’s reputation ;

This behavior that could naturally be explained because he’s also a father (so the case could’ve moved him viscerally) at first glance doesn’t align at all with how he usually works according to his character sheet nor with his sympathy for KMC (a previous scene expressly tells us CJS knew about KMC’s close relationship with KSJ, which was supposedly something a few knew about). Something might’ve made him change his habits.

He attended every single trial for KSJ’s case (and probably Narae’s) by KMC’s side while he’s not personally acquainted to KSJ (but the accused was related to Min Jiyoung) ;

BWT’s lawyer was probably made aware of the existence of the bunny plush (and KMC’s plan to fabricate evidence) through CJS and could take care of it in advance ;

For 8 years he continued to keep an eye on follow KMC after he was highly likely disciplined for this case (so that he doesn’t cause trouble for Min Jiyoung’s son nor her once more if we cross it with her discussion with her son). But it could also be out of guilt for KMC (if he’s involved in whatever is happening right now).

This scene in ep. 8 where he looked deeply disturbed by the camera footage displaying a person clad in black halting to hold their chest in pain (which LMS did in front of his mother once in ep. 5) and walked away. KMC also noticed and immediately called a colleague to look for a rope in plastic.

In ep. 2, Choi Jinsu randomly admitted to having not slept at all recently and wished to go home: « Let’s call it a night and head home. I haven’t been getting much sleep in the past 10 days. »

You would naturally believe it’s because of the special investigation on the Killing Vote, they must always stay on alert day and night and it must be really nerve-wracking. However he said so while taking a glance in KMC’s direction: has he perhaps tailed KMC for 10 days on Min Jiyoung/LMS’s orders? Mentioning 10 days is also kinda specific, unless he’s a man of details that always keeps track on time or has a specific date in mind. KMC also looked back in his direction.

In ep. 5, LMS bids goodbye to his mother in a hurry, at night: « Right. I have to be somewhere. I totally forgot. (…) I’ll see you later. » We don’t know where he went. ➾ If Choi Jinsu has something to do with this, does he report to him on KMC’s activities (which includes day and night since he works with him and follows him)?

Note: it must be indirectly, through someone else, that LMS (or MJY) gets his information, eg. Min Jiyoung, her assistant or the Commissioner, because CJS only recognized Lee Yunseong when he adopted his new identity (and face apparently) as Lee Minsu in ep. 2 (he went back to SK only a year ago!).

Did LMS then learn the extent of KSJ and KMC’s relationship through CJS … ?

In ep. 8, Choi Jinsu says he’ll stop by KMC’s at night after he learned he had the same dream again.

In any case, it’s not clear if CJS works for Min Jiyoung/LMS without trying to deceive them: he could go along with their plan to get around their vigilance and double-cross them with KMC.

He seems really admirative and caring for KMC, so things might be more complex.

(More on what CJS could possibly witness while keeping an eye on KMC in the upcoming points!)

♦ « If I were Gaetal… » and a triangulation orchestrated by Kwon Seokju and Lee Minsu

Definitely not missing those parallels between KMC and LMS:

This strongly feeds into the superposition of the two characters when it comes to KSJ and the subsequent indirect communication between the three: what is about LMS is also about KMC, and vice versa:

— What would be considered a ‘love letter’ in LMS’s point of view from KSJ, who was convinced KMC was Gaetal/No. 1 Fan all these years until recently, could be considered a ‘love letter’ to KMC in KSJ’s point of view.

It’s highlighted once again later in the episode with Joohyun’s comment:

Note: KMC is still withholding the extent of his relationship with KSJ to Joohyun!

— Wanting to see 'LMS' from KSJ’s point of view could mean he wanted to see KMC for this same reason. The end of the episode even emphasizes this line once again as KMC is thinking about the case at home and this specific sentence is played to KMC's surprise ;

— Also, KSJ’s words: « I wanted to see you because I wanted to say goodbye. There’s not much time left. (…) I wasted a long time in prison, because of one wrong decision. I realized too late that I didn’t have enough time to make up for that mistake. That is why I decided to meet you. »

Note: If KMC's wrong decision was to lead recklessly Narae's case as his character profile stated, KSJ's was BWT's murder (whether he regrets the act itself is another question, but at least he must be regretting murdering the wrong person).

Specifically sound addressed to KMC even though he’s looking at LMS, which leaves the latter perplexed (more on it below!). You also get this shot of KMC fully focused on KSJ when KSJ says these words:

The episode also concludes with KSJ’s evasion and KMC realizing he’s truly involved with Gaetal!

Was this 'lack of time' about KSJ’s imminent escape? Is this about something else (eg. his health, putting an end to KMC’s guilt by taking full responsibility, or something urgent about Narae’s case that’s about to be finished, like the statute of limitations for example?)?

The next part is puzzling (« I realized too late that I didn’t have enough time to make up for that mistake. »), like please explain good sir????

This is also a parallel to LMS’s conversation with his mother in ep. 5:

« — You know that detective, Kim Muchan. He’s a really funny guy. It seems impossible to kill him. He’s like a cockroach. (…) — You better stay away from those vermin. If he messes with you once again, I’ll kill him for real. How dare he try to get in my son’s way? (…) — Right. I have to be somewhere. I totally forgot. — Where are you going? You should quit school too [this line also emphasizes 이제, now]. You should get in shape first. Stop playing around. — This is the only time I can play around. »

Note: Will there be an upcoming surgery for his heart? Is his diagnosis getting worse/fatal these days, which is why his mother asks him to relax as much as possible?

— You could even say everything LMS wanted to be in KSJ’s eyes was what KMC was tacitly described as in ep. 3 ie. KSJ agreeing to the entirety of Joohyun’s description of ��Gaetal’ corresponding with KMC:

Note: if you rewatch this scene, you can see KSJ react at the mention of a ‘fan’, then looking in KMC’s direction (who pointedly avoids eye contact by the way).

— All of this is happening when all the characters involved from both sides of the room know this meeting is staged for everyone to watch:

I loved that shot btw, KMC and Joohyun look like ghosts (perhaps privy to something we don’t know yet)!

-> KMC and Joohyun organized the meeting between the two so that they’d gain a confession from LMS ; unlike KMC and KSJ (and highly likely LMS too if he wiretapped them), Joohyun ignores the hidden meaning behind the ‘No. 1 Fan’. KMC was also gauging KSJ’s reactions (another sign he still couldn’t shake the bad feeling he had in the episode).

-> As for KSJ, dude was busy haha: He now has to face LMS’s fascination for him as he only did through letters until now (under the false impression it was KMC). He wanted to coax LMS into confessing he was No. 1 Fan in front of KMC & Joohyun (to shift the Gaetal suspicions off himself at the same time). Note: However, I think it’s likely he did that half-heartedly because he caught on that the suspicions came back and it’s not like he wouldn’t expect this meeting wouldn’t be revealing!

And whatever he wanted to communicate to KMC (and Joohyun) in cryptic ways!

This behavior triggered LMS’s reactions (see below!). It’s also interesting that LMS displayed strong emotions out loud while KSJ remained absolutely impassive with a frozen expression on the surface throughout most of their exchange (until he snapped).

-> Yes, even LMS becomes gradually aware of it: at first, he was wholeheartedly ecstatic at his undreamt of meeting with KSJ.

Look at this dude here living the Dream and twirling hair, you can see whole galaxies in his eyes lmao

But the elation sank once he saw the pleasure was not truly reciprocated by KSJ (I can’t believe I’m writing this lmao) and that’s from that point on he started to glance sideways to his left in the direction of the interrogation room’s glass panel ie. where KMC (and Joohyun) stands.

He did it whenever KMC might come to mind in his exchange with KSJ, which suggests he hinted at KMC in his answers:

1) « I enjoyed reading your replies too. » and a 'love letter'

After being accused by KSJ of being No. 1 Fan, LMS glanced in KMC’s direction and retorted ad hominem: « I enjoyed reading your replies too. I was worried you might hate me, but you showed me you completely understood me. I was worried you might hate me, but you showed me you completely understood me. It meant we were finally communicating properly, which reassured me. ».

He realized he was being used and decided to play with something he figured not even KMC would know the truth about: the letters. It could also be to show off to KMC he shared a correspondence with KSJ he was not privy to! He carries on that later with the 'love letter' and when he says « I felt like I was the only one putting effort into our relationship, so it wasn’t fun anymore. »

(More on the reference of the 'love letter' and what it possibly means at the end of Part 3!)

KSJ deflects LMS's accusation by stating he never wrote replies in the first place (the last pictures of the first column).

Which provokes LMS even more as he teasingly glances in KMC’s direction to deem them as ‘love letters’ (I’m so sorry it’s screenshot-heavy lmao, I just loved the acting here!!!!).

Notice how KSJ withdrew his hands from the desk (to put them underneath and fall back in his chair) broke contact/physically retreated as soon as LMS claimed these replies (love letters right lmao) were addressed to him:

Not to mention how LMS does the same later, when KSJ asks him if he’s Gaetal and LMS realizes the purpose of his arrestation (the camera also emphasizes the movement of his hands being dragged down along the table). It’s worth mentioning that LMS decides next to rile KSJ up by threatening KMC (more on it below!).

For what it’s worth, KMC, first leaning on the desk, adopted a similar posture once KSJ asked him if he meant what he said in ep. 7 (and you can see KSJ is clenching his jaw at the lack of a verbal answer).

2— « There’s not much time left? »

When KSJ says he wanted to meet LMS because there’s not much time left, LMS looks a little confounded and directs his gaze to the glass:

3— « Are you Gaetal? » and not No. 1 Fan

When KSJ asks if LMS is Gaetal, this bursts LMS’s bubble and he explodes in laughter as realization dawned on him: KSJ is not there for him.

4— « If I were Gaetal, who would be the target today? Don’t you want to know? »

LMS bitterly laughs to himself and decides now to taunt KSJ at the mere suggestion of harming KMC: he finally introduces KMC to their conversation even without having to name him, the (almost rhetorical) question is deliberately left open.

He even went out of his way to make a little detour and showingly drag his feet right in front of the glass (facing KMC & Joohyun) to get his point across. It’s the only moment KSJ looked not in control and troubled, and tried to gauge LMS.

And he loses it the moment LMS’s eyes train the slightest to the left:

5— « Ring, ring! »

And finally, when KMC stops KSJ, LMS regains his composure as he sees the former arrive and laughs at them when the vote is up (ngl the third to last picture would make great meme material out of context haha, it has the same vibes as that Real Housewives cat meme):

After this episode, you can better appreciate this scene in ep. 6 (first two pictures):

But at the same time, what KSJ says next becomes even more unclear, ep. 8 might add another layer to it (three next pictures):

— Is some part of his speech an act? His anger and regret sounded real, but he could’ve used them to redirect KMC’s (and everyone watching) suspicions off him.

— KSJ specifically says he wished KMC were Gaetal, not No. 1 Fan, if this detail will be relevant later.

— If he was honest, why would he wish for Gaetal when he’s supposedly Gaetal himself……………. ? Is he involved in the Killing Vote in a different way from Gaetal’s?

This scene between Joomin and KMC in ep. 4 can also be further appreciated (last two pictures).

That's all for the first part, part 2 is next!

[lblwlw]

Hello!

First post here, but I have a long history with tumblr. Tumblr has always sort of been a place for me to escape because few of my friends ever had my URL/followed me. This time it’s a little more important.  

CW: Brief mentions of sexual occurrences with men, brief talk of depression, nothing too serious or graphic

TLDR; I’ve suppressed my gayness on accident for basically my whole life, identified as bi, married a man, realized I’m gay, am now figuring out my life.

Warning, this is a LONG post.

I have always been been fascinated with sexuality, more specifically same sex relationships. I was always interested in the idea of being in a same sex relationship but told myself, “no, that’s not me”. Eventually in middle school I played with the idea of being bisexual when I learned what that meant. I said, perfect. I can tell my internet friends I like girls, too, but I won’t have to tell anyone else and I can just worry about boys then at school and for my parents. I had a few crushes on boys, but the thought of actually dating them terrified me and so I very rarely did more than think about them a lot and just tell my friends that I was “too ugly” or whatever else, or “too awkward.” What they didn’t know was that through MySpace I met a girl and had a huge crush on her. We talked a lot and we said we were dating. I never really told anyone. That eventually fizzled out. 

Over time I got bullied a couple times because classmates found my MySpace and found that I identified as bi. I quickly learned it was something I didn’t want to talk about. I dealt with a lot of anxiety and depression throughout all of school. In high school I steadily crushed on one boy almost all four years, but looking back I think I really just enjoyed and wanted to be his friend. Or I just kind of picked him as the one I liked the most so I had a crush to be a normal girl. I dated two boys the entirety of high school, the first one I broke up with because once he finally asked me out (after I “liked him”) and we did relationship things, like kissing, I was not all about it. It didn’t feel right. I thought, maybe I just didn’t like him. Next boyfriend, I wasn’t entirely objected to kissing him but it wasn’t my favorite. It got more frustrating when he wanted to do more. I wasn’t so opposed to him touching me, but when it came to touching him I was like “this ain’t it”. I stayed with him anyway, hoping I would “get over it” until he broke up with me. I wonder now if he could tell I wasn’t into it.

There was actually a time in which I thought, maybe I should date girls? One of my friends was dating a girl, and I thought that was wonderful. I went to her to tell her that I had been thinking maybe I’d rather date girls. I totally blocked this conversation out of my head until recently.

Once I was done with high school I was discouraged but tried to date a few different guys. None of them went that fantastically. If I met them online, I usually came up with a reason we couldn’t meet. “Maybe this just won’t work” It was fun to talk and flirt but when it came down to bringing it into real life I’d panic because that meant kissing a guy again, and possibly having sex. It made me totally uncomfortable. Finally I said, “I wish I was just into girls, ugh.” Remembered that I was, and that I should try it finally. I matched with this sweet girl that was about a year younger than me. She seemed so put together and so kind. We went on a few dates, getting ramen, fancy cupcakes, riding on a trolly in the city, etc. I remember when I got to kiss her in public and I was SO pumped to be seen doing that! Another time, I believe I drove her home but we parked away from her house and made out in my car. I still remember so much of it vividly. 

Eventually I realized that if I was seriously dating her, she would want it to be known. I’d have to face my fears and tell my family. For some reason, this absolutely terrified me. It shouldn’t have but it did. I thought through my options, and decided I should just find a nice guy that will love me and spend my life with me so I don’t have to do this anymore. I did the unspeakable act of basically just ghosting her and pursued a guy from work who, realistically, kind of freaked me out. Thanks to good old compulsive heterosexuality, I read this as my attraction to him. Thankfully, he was pretty easily attracted to me. I recall early in the relationship wishing I hadn’t done that awful thing to that girl, and that I wish I was still dating a girl. Nothing was technically wrong with my relationship that I had now, but something felt off. Like I was missing something. I tucked that away somewhere in my head and enjoyed building an amazing friendship with this man. I did love him, and I still do. He’s kind, he’s sensitive, we have a lot of shared interests and he’s taught me so much intentionally and unintentionally. 

We got married last year and while I felt grateful I had this amazing person beside me, I remember a part of me wondering if this was right for me. I had this weird little empty pocket somewhere in my heart. That I had given up my young adulthood maybe, and that I could have experienced being with... a woman, for real. I thought, I wish I could have met my husband later in life, maybe. Maybe then I’d have gotten my desires for women out of the way and then been with him forever. Because I do love him, he’s a good person and deserves to be loved. I enjoyed the wedding as a big party that I got to have with my family, but I just remember wondering where that extreme excitement was that everyone always described. Was I broken?

Now over a year later, I was sitting at home one day feeling lost and depressed. I had been on TikTok and saw all these young people having fun and I wished that I had spent more time trying to have fun in the past, before I got married. I thought, I could do it now, but what if something happened and I somehow I fell for one of these girls while being with my husband? Wait... why would I even think that? I started to really analyze this thought. I thought, if I was bi like I had always identified, why could I not be happy with my husband? Well, I was, but something was missing. This thought popped into my head: Oh no. What if I am gay? 

What?! Why would I think that? That’s crazy. I would have known as a kid like everyone says. Right? That’s how that works. I chalked this up to feeling like I was missing out and tried to stop thinking about it. It was hard not to, though. And so I googled one morning while out listening to the birds, after escaping bed before my husband rose to avoid his intimacy: “lesbian married to a man”

This article came up about a woman who had been married to a man for many years and they had kids. She started to question herself, and her attraction to him. I don’t remember all of it but I remember getting really uncomfortable but also having this weird sense of calm. That finally, I felt like I identified with something. I wasn’t really sure though. I sent a message to the lady who wrote the article. She replied a week later telling me that she had a podcast called Lesbian Chronicles. I said, okay, I need to listen to this. I listened to about two episodes or so when they mentioned this thing called “The Master Doc” and the reddit sub called Late Bloomer Lesbians. I was like “Holy crap, a community??”

I logged onto reddit for the first time ever. I saw all these women posting in similar situations to me. I found “The Master Doc” and “Straight women don’t say...”

It was like a light bulb went off. Oh my god, everything makes sense! Maybe I’m NOT broken! I remembered all the women that I had crushes on. All the times I thought about women but told myself I was just “weird” and tried not to think about it. I always thought, no I can’t be gay because I wasn’t sure of it as a kid. Now I realized that women especially are fed a straight narrative. It’s “normal” to not be attracted to men the way they are to you. It’s normal to not totally enjoy sex with men... When I learned that we’ve been told this, and it isn’t really true... I wanted to cry. Now I was in the biggest “pickle” ever. I have this man who loves me, who I said vows to swearing I loved him the same forever. Did I just accept who I was and what I did and live with it? Did I break up with him? That seemed to harsh. I heard a lot of women in the same position say they spoke to a therapist. I immediately googled therapists in my area that specialized in LGBTQ+ issues, sent an email ASAP, and felt a little bit of relief. I knew this was real because after years of playing with the idea of seeing a therapist, this came so naturally when I needed help with this.

Now I am here. I feel very confident that I am gay, and my dad knows now. I tried to bring it up with my husband but it didn’t go very well. He currently thinks that maybe I’m just a sad bisexual who hasn’t been able to express her bi-ness. I am at a point a conversation needs to happen again. I told myself when my lesbian flag and pin came in the mail, I would talk to him again. It’s being delivered today. I am terrified, to say the least. It feels so wrong to “betray” this man who has dedicated to much time and work to giving us as good a life as he can. But I need to live my truth. It will come. I’m low-key excited for it. I hope maybe this helps someone going through the same thing.

-Anonymous Married Lesbian

[prorevenge]

Bad renting situation.

Set the scene for you guys: The place we were renting is a duplex that is split down the middle here in Upstate NY. My little 2 bedroom side of the house was next to the garages and driveway. It had a small side of the yard which was 15 ft x 5 ft. We have a Chocolate Lab named Benny that uses that back yard for his bathroom etc. The shitty neighbor in my duplex who I’ll call Rick had the bigger side of the yard and a staircase that lead up to the back field where there was a nice walking path and horse farm. The back of our duplex was kind of built right into the side of the hill leading up to the horse farm/corn farm. Rick was subletting one of his rooms to a Russian chain smoker that we’ll call Olga and she was the same age as him (60 ish). Rick is an asshole 90% of the time and demands we never use his staircase to go up to the walking trail. His Russian friend and he also chain smoke in front of our living room window making our house smell like an 80’s era bowling alley. Over the course of our renting this place we got in numerous fights with these asshats over where they could smoke so that our side of the house didn’t stink. The landlord lives in FL and uses the property as his retirement cash cow. The LL we’ll call Dwayne and he’s about 70 years old. The house itself was built in 1940 or earlier and we lived on an old farm road with a pumpkin farm across the street. Just want you to have an image of the location because it’ll come into play.

The first week we’re in the house unpacking and my wife asked me to plug in the vacuum and run it around the downstairs to get up the Styrofoam from the packing materials. I notice that the plug sparks when you plug it in or unplug anything. I call Dwayne and tell him and he says “Ok…..call around and get a price from an electrician and let me know what it’ll cost.” This was a red flag for me. I’m paying $1300 a month for this duplex and now this guy wants me to do all his leg work since he is out of state. I figure whatever and find an electrician that’ll charge $200 for the house call plus the outlets he’ll end up replacing. I call Dwayne and he says “no, that’s too much, I’ll send one of my guys over to do it.” This pissed me off because I just spent 20 minutes calling around getting ballpark quotes but I figure fine as long as the work gets done. Fast forward 1 month and his electrician finally shows up one day to do the work. He replaces 12 of the 14 outlets because he didn’t think he’d find so many bad ones. I figure that’s fine since the ones he didn’t replace are up in the room we never use.

2 months goes by and its early spring and raining a ton. One night we get a HUGE downpour that lasts for about 35 minutes. My wife says she hears water in the basement. I run down in the basement and we have 2 waterfalls coming through the windows that look into the backyard and 4 inches of water on the floor and rising. I call Dwayne the next morning and tell him about the windows in the basement and the flooding and he says I need to find a cleaning service to clean up the mess. I tell him I can’t because I’m going to work. He says “ok, do it after work then.” I say “listen, I don’t own this house, you do, so find someone today that can clean this up and repair the windows or I’m going to do it myself and take it out of the rent (which is NY state law.)” He gets pissed and hangs up. Later in the evening he calls and says a cleaning service will be there in two days to clean the basement from all the mud and water. I tell him that’s fine but he might want to repair the windows since it’s still raining pretty regularly. He says no that won’t be necessary since he’s still getting quotes about a French drain for the back of the house. The cleaning crew shows up and they clean the whole basement out. It takes them 6 hrs with power washers and scrubbing machines etc. They leave at 5pm that day and we’re thinking ok great now we have the basement cleaned up, but the windows aren’t holding anything out since they are so old and have no sealant around the outside edges. 2 days goes by and it downpours again and fills the basement back up with water and mud. I call Dwayne and he sounds defeated. He tells me that he’ll send the cleaning crew back out the same day the contractors are going to show up with the backhoe for digging the French drain around the backside of the house. Fast forward 2 weeks and everybody shows up. The work is completed and we’re happy to have a normal basement again even though I’m pissed that we have had a swamp down there for so long.

2 more months goes by and my wife one night screams while in the kitchen. She swears she saw a mouse in the kitchen run from under the sink to the under the oven. I ask her what it looked like and she says big, grey, and had pink ears. I know right away this isn’t a field mouse but a full grown rat. I open the drawer below the oven and all our cupcake pans are full of little rat turds and its fucking nasty. Thankfully we never bake so they weren’t a big loss. I call Dwayne and he says he has an exterminator friend that lives nearby and he’ll call him and get back to me. Dwayne calls back the next morning and says “I spoke to my friend and he claims that your dog going to the bathroom in the backyard is probably attracting the rats.” I tell him “rats don’t eat shit, so that makes no sense. We’ll need to have an exterminator sent out to deal with this.” Dwayne goes on a tirade about how we’re the worst renters and that we constantly complain about little things. I tell him “for $1300 a month I expect a rat free, spark free, living space that doesn’t flood or smell like a bowling alley.” At this point Dwayne says he’ll look into it and hangs up. I’m super pissed at this point. We’ve had nothing but problems with this place from the first week and now we’ve got rats in our kitchen. I do a little digging online and find out that you can have health department investigate rat infestations and if they see that the landlord isn’t doing anything about it, they’ll put a lien on the house until the work is complete. So obviously I decided to go that route. I call the health inspector and he tells me that he’ll come out in a few days and do an inspection and get back to me. Dwayne calls me back and says the rat problem is my fault because I have a dog and that I need to deal with the problem myself. I told him no problem I just set up an appointment with the health inspector. Dwayne get really upset and cusses me out. I call my lawyer and tell him to call Dwayne and arrange for us to break the lease since I don’t want to deal with him anymore.

Fast forward two months. The health inspector had found a bunch of rats and holes in the foundation and evidence that the colony had been living in the house for “years and years from the looks of it.” He contacts Dwayne and tells him about the lien if he doesn’t address it. Dwayne calls me and says he’s sending an exterminator. Now at this point I had put the place up on Craigslist to find new renters since Dwayne had decided to sublet our lease instead of let us out of it. I found some college kids that were desperate for a place and they seemed like typical, rich college kids. I tell them that the place doesn’t have A/C and they’ll need window units etc. But I also tell them that the next door neighbor is pot friendly and loves smoking. I tell them that he is super chill and that they can totally use the staircase in the backyard to use the hiking trails. One of the kids brought his mom that showed up in a new Jag and so I knew that Dwayne wasn’t going to be able to shit all over these people since I knew they’d lawyer up. I never mentioned the rat infestation or that this place was a nightmare because I knew that these kids’ rich parents would go nuclear with a lawyer if they had to deal with this stuff.

Dwayne accepted the new tenants and let us out of the lease. All it took was a few threats from my lawyer before I got my security deposit back.

Fast forward 3 months. I drive by the old place to see what’s happening. It looks like the college kids and Rick are off to a rough start. There is a plastic divider down the driveway to separate who gets what. There are beer cans all over the front yard and Rick’s truck is parked on the side lawn. He never did that when we lived there, so I’m sure these kids were driving him crazy with parking. Olga is nowhere to be seen since she probably jumped ship when the parties started. I don’t know what became of the rats but 2 months later I did another drive by and there was no furniture on our side of the house which tells me everybody had left and Dwayne wasn’t making any money….which made me happy since he was a fucking prick.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that after we moved out, the cleaning service called me to see about payment for the basement cleaning. Apparently, Dwayne never paid them and they couldn't reach him. I gave them his cell number and his FL address. That felt really good to do as well.

TLDR: rented a duplex that needed tons of repairs and ended up leaving the asshole neighbors and landlord with college bro’s that loved 4/20 and parties.

(source) (story by LedZeppelinRiff)

[gudakdalee]

Kingdom Final Performances: Analyses! Pt. 1

My thoughts as a 10-year long kpop fan, a theatre performance major, a supportive-of-all-groups-doing-well type, & yes i do speak korean (but im not analyzing all lyrics bc they go by v fast) also how is it a decade already lol. Written in order of performance in the episode! No, I am never trying to bash or shade a group.

Pt. 1: Ateez, Stray Kids, The Boyz Pt. 2: BTOB, IKON, SF9 Pt. 2 of episode performances = another post!

ATEEZ: I liked how their message about "멋" ("mot") aka being cool, says being cool is being 'humble and kind' (quote one of their props) This echoes throughout the lyrics, the ending pose bow, the broom sweeping, the stopping of bullies (commentary on korea's bullying blowup perhaps bc HJ said he wanted to show "korea's 멋"), etc. And they included every group's logo on the flags (perhaps reference to road to kingdom where a group included everyone's fanchats), which was a great unifying detail showing the friendships formed are what's 'cool' rather than the competition. ((Hongjoong really reminds me on GD (his gestures, his body language, his look, his facial expressions, his voice) and thats NOT a bad thing (IM NOT SAYING HES COPYING HIM OK). TBH many idol, rappers esp, are similar to/inspired by/image trained using GD and it makes sense bc.... he's GD, so it's hard to distance from his impact. Anyway, Hongjoong I could really see having a solo debut.)) ATZ also brought in the traditional lion dancers (like GD/Taeyang's performance on Infinite Challenge!), which shows embracing Korea's tradition is also part of 멋, being cool. Lion dances are to expel evil spirits, bringing in good fortune, and here they're reject the 'evils' that can come from competition and not only stand unified, but celebrate! with all groups at the end. I loved how they using different visual illusions to create "멋", a way to say that there's different ways to be cool, but in the end, being polite, kind, humble, helpful, responsible, and inclusive, is all part of being cool.

tldr: it was like a trendy PSA for kindness

STRAY KIDS: They said they wanted to go darker than their other performances, but I honestly thought their "기도 I'll be Your Man" was darker. Also, interestingly they chose to show in the beginning that Wolfgang is actually a reference to Mozart! I'll have to read the lyrics, but I wish they would've brought the reference back in someway later. The set looks really fun for parkour: like a rundown, lived-in, abandoned amusement park! Good for quick stage blocking, and fast scene changes. At the end, it showed only 2 slopes- I wish they had used more elaborate sets, it felt like they had 1.5 total 'scenes', only differentiated by the ivy curtain. For some reason, I was waiting for a surprise/reveal, 반전 좀 기다리고 있어. Those fur jackets doe, like a dam fluffy cloud. also EXCUSE ME BANG CHAN- 니 몸 여기서 보여준다고?!??!!!!?! In terms of scale, performance, and song, I preferred their 神DUDUDU stage bc it felt more like a bombastic, bold, we-are-here statement. Wolfgang unfortunately didn't sweep me up; there wasn't a definitive MOMENT (like how sf9 got criticism that their 1st performance didn't feel clear, no climax). Now, dont get me wrong, I support SKZ, I do, which is why I believe they can do better (and HAVE done!, like even their first impression stage was more captivating! and unexpected! and kept my eyes glued to the screen more than wolfgang). But who knows, maybe a few more listens/views?

tldr: 神DUDUDU stage felt more like a finale

THE BOYZ: Impressed with how much they incorporated the VCR clips, it felt like almost half of the performance was video??!? that's not easy to coordinate, camera-timing-wise, so props to the director/camera work. Also, great use of pyrotechnics in time with their high note and lyrics, visually and audio-ly satisfying. And wait, did that one guy fall from his lift?!?!?!? Or was the timing correct?? Bc it went right into video, so im unsure. Interestingly, they didnt use ANY sets, except a water pool near the end. Instead they filled it up with dancers, perhaps to show their strength in numbers, and sharp choreography, that their people are here, their kingdom is come? Overall, the visuals, outfits, choreo, and LED screens felt very 'idol boy group', so in a way, they are exactly on brand! lol

tldr: nice VCRs

Gonna do the rest in another post!

will keep saying that mayfly was the best thing to come out of kingdom lols