#tl;dr this is why i haven't been all that active lately

[webbedphantom]

... I think I'm depressed again-

And because of that, I kinda want to ramble/vent about things. But since I don't wanna be a nuisance, I'm gonna just leave it under here for anyone who wants to read it.

Maybe it's just because of how hectic things have been lately, and how I missed my therapy appointment this week, but I'm just... constantly tired, even now that I'm starting to feel better from whatever I had a few days ago. And today I've just had that constant feeling of just... not knowing what to do, so I don't do anything. And when I do find something to do, I lose interest moments later.

Like I've tried to write replies, but then I'll hit a snag, or be unsure which reply to write, or think it's pointless because if they reply back, I won't be able to keep it going because I can't trim things without my computer... which I can't set up because my desk is still in storage, with no way to get it here without a truck, and nothing I can use as a temporary desk in the meantime.

And this goes on and on with a bunch of stuff, games I want to play, stuff I borrowed from the library, there's always something that gets in the way that keeps me from really sitting down and enjoying myself.

I hate feeling like this, and I hate even more that I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, because when I'm depressed, I isolate myself, which makes it harder to reach out because I don't want to bother anyone. And I sure as hell can't go to any of my "family" about it, as lately I've been feeling like the term has no meaning, as most of mine just use that shared blood as an excuse to get things from you.

Which is kinda why I'm even making this. I don't typically do this, I don't like putting my personal problems out in public like this. But I don't really know how else to deal with these feelings, because I really don't wanna bother anyone, even though I know all of the people I'd usually tell this stuff to would be okay with it.

I'm not really sure what to do... My next therapy appointment is on Wednesday, but I go back to work on Tuesday, which kinda makes me anxious, especially since the person who hired me got transferred, so I have no idea what to expect anymore.

And on top of that, I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime. I don't really have the energy to use any of my normal coping skills, and the few that I do haven't been working, so I'm just... lost.

Best I can think to do is reach out to my case manager and see if he can help me work through this, but... I'm not particularly hopeful about that. Still, it's all I got, and I did need to meet with him anyway, so I just gotta hope things work out.

I'll get through this. I always do. Doesn't mean it'll be easy, but... life is never really easy, is it?

[novashelby]

I'm Sorry....

I'm really sorry these last few days I have been kind of cunty posting. Life is emotionally hard for me right now. I don't want to go really deep cause I don't think anyone really wants to or needs to hear about all the shit in Nova's head. In short, as many of you know, my dad passed away in July. It was unexpected and my grieving process has been extremely hard and difficult. Mostly because of my awful narcissistic mother. Aside from that, I live across the ocean from my home. 1. That makes it extremely difficult going through the holiday season. Not only being away from family, but essentially having no more family other than my aunt. I've been away from my best friends. So, I have no one. Yes, of course, I have friends here and a social life, but it isn't the same. 2. My mother is still making my life difficult; over calling, harassing me, and all that. I can't block her because she isn't only vindictive, but cruel and mean. She has almost no limits and blocking her may poke a bear.

In saying this, I have been highly sensitive about a lot lately. Typically about things that shouldn't bother me. It is why I cling so hard to Evie because, as pathetic as it sounds, I quite literally have no family. I have one aunt and then a group of cousins, aunts, and uncles who don't really think of me unless they have to. So, they don't exactly count.

Part of me was feeling highly sensitive about the lack of engagement on my recent work or like lack of inclusion in the community. Seeing everyone, because we are all moots, talk and interact with another kind of hurts. (Though, it shouldn't cause I haven't been really active and engaging with others the last few months-I'm trying my best in catching up and doing my part in that). But I know it isn't because of that, but because the issues in my real life that somehow and someway mirror that exact same situation are taking place; feeling like an outsider in my new community, having no family, not being included, etc. I don't exactly know how to explain it, really. So, I hope what I wrote makes sense. TL;DR: because my personal life is sort of shit and it's over bubbling, things that I don't normally think about are bothering me. I don't expect engagement or inclusion, and I'm happy being moots just to be moots. So, know that it isn't me complaining or angry at anyone other than my own emotionally torn brain at the moment.

I am sorry that I kind of use this as a method of release because there really is nowhere else. So, I am so sorry to be kind of a trauma dumping idiot. I'm sorry for not always being the best person and friend on here. And I'm sorry that I have been kind of....out in left field?

I will get back to normal Nova or whatever that is sooner or later.

Thank you to all my wonderful friends on her that have listened and messaged me. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to appreciate my work. I suck at replying to comments sometimes, but I read them all and I hold them close to my heart.

Peace and Love.

[hey-august]

I both love and hate talking about myself, so I'm gonna step out of my comfort zone a bit and share a lil update about why I've been less active lately 🩷

tl;dr - Am feeling sad. I'm still writing because it makes me happy, but it'll stay slow until things start turning around.

So last year was a heck of a time for me - pretty much the entire year had something going on that was stressful. (Slight tmi: This was the first time that normal health cycles went all wonky from the stress, which only added to the feelings.)

I was on a new team (after 5 years with my prev team), there were restructures and layoffs, I no longer work with two of my favorite managers who were such pillars of support and work friends, my partner and I had to have a few tough conversations, and my dog had to have multiple surgeries for broken legs over the course of 6 months.

On top of that, I didn't prioritize time for myself, or time away from work, well. I didn't take more than a few days off at a time until earlier this month.

I realized that I was starting to feel burnt out and things were not getting better. My self esteem was dropping and not bouncing back.

I took off a full week earlier this month, which helped. I also started therapy.

This past weekend I got together with family, which we haven't done in-person in more than 10 years. It was nice and full of bonding, but we also unpacked a lot of unhappy memories from childhood. I think that chipped away at some of the healing that I hoped to get from the time off.

ALL THIS TO SAY, I'm feeling a little funky, emotionally. A lil sad, ya know? A little broken. I want to do things that make me happy, but it's hard. And the happiness seems to only last as long as I'm doing the thing.

But it is getting better. Even if it gets worse, that's part of the process sometimes. I don't like it, but it's gotta happen. So don't mind me if I'm quiet, if I say "I'm good!" or if post other things more often than stories.

I'm still here, still writing, and I'm always so happy to see yall pop up in my notifications and show up on my dash. 🩷🩷🩷

[toast-tales]

okay. so. this might be a bit out of nowhere, but i think it's important for people to know the impact that their creations have, when they're brave enough to release them into the world.

so i discovered ITWOM roughly a week ago, and i honestly couldn't tell you precisely why, but i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. i have it pretty much permanently open on an AO3 tab, i've re-read it (+CC and the one shots) multiple times and it's never lost its luster, and i really have no idea what about it appeals to me so much, but i just wanted to let you know that it's honestly become a new hyper fixation? like, i've literally scrolled through almost all of the posts under the tag for it. your writing style, the plot, the arcs, the amazing characters and their development / relationships with each other—i love it all.

i eagerly await the return to this world, any AUs/new plots (that one snippet of danny and christopher stuck in the human world seemed so interesting), or even little head canons or details you post, because above all, i think one of the best things is that it's so clear just how much you care about this world and these characters you've created. that's an incredibly admirable and inspiring trait, and it shows in your work: which makes it that much more enjoyable to read.

tl;dr i like ur stuff a lot!! + can't wait to see what else you do ^^

Believe me when I say I nearly started crying when I read this. This is so sweet you have no idea 😭

It really means a lot to me that you like what I've made! Over the years the story has meant so much to me to write, and by this point the characters feel like real people I just catalogue the lives of, lol. For other people to find some meaning or worth in what I do as well, it's still amazing to me.

I wish I could tell you what I've got coming up, but I've honestly been pulling back a bit lately as real life has been catching up to me. Cursed Cravings is still on hiatus - not given up on! I will return to it eventually!

HOWEVER, I have an actual bazillion AU ideas, some of which I've enlisted the help of some of my close friends to write with me (looking at you, @luckyshotwrites ). While most of this writing is currently just for my own sake, or kept private, I do hope to share some of it in the future. For now, all I can do is share a collaborative drawing I did with @luckyshotwrites of a scene from one of those stories...one that I hope will be shared whenever we end up finishing it.

And, even if I'm not super active on Tumblr anymore, my ask box is always open and the ITWOM discord is still up and running. Headcanons, writing requests with my characters, questions about them or the world of ITWOM, anything - I'm more than happy to do any of that! I've expanded my worldbuilding a lot since finishing ITWOM.

And, again, THANK YOU so much for this. It really means the world to me. ❤️

(Sketch was done mostly by Lucky - she's super awesome with people and faces! She also helped with the shading, which again, she's super awesome at. I did the linework and coloring. This is Christopher, obviously, and her main character Lynette...though what's happening here, I can't quite say. Maybe one day 👀)

[not-poignant]

You have a very broad readership; do you still, like most ao3 writers, use writing as a way to make friends? If so, how do you manage both to make connections and keep from uncomfortable parasocial engagements?

(admitting: I like your work a lot, I have a similar interest in writing trauma and recovery, I would like to befriend you, but I don't want to bother you bc lots of people want to be friend with writers they like and there's no way you'd have energy for all of them!)

Hi hi anon,

So...this response might be disappointing, but I didn't use fanfiction writing as a way of making friends. That's not why I started, and it's never been the reason for me to be in fandom.

(Thoughts about friendship and stuff under the read more, it's pretty personal so no obligation to read. The TL;DR is I am bad at friendship and I also am not like 'most AO3 writers' (is that really why most AO3 writers write?) in the sense that I never wrote fanfiction as a way to make friends and it's very weird to me sometimes that people actually do this as a motive).

When I turned up in fandom, it was a very private experience for me. I didn't know anyone else locally who shared the same fandom/s I do. When I shared fanfiction on Livejournal, I did so to complete strangers who I never got to know better, or to people who were already friends through other interests.

I've never gone to fandom conventions (there's few here, and I have severe social anxiety. By the time I thought about going I was in my late 30s, and just felt like I'd be too much of an outsider even among fellow outsiders - again, I shared almost no fandoms or ships with anyone I knew locally, and no one I'm friends with / know in person reads my fanfiction). Fandom was always an incredibly isolated experience for me.

When I joined AO3, it wasn't with a view to making friends. I was extremely burnt out, I'd quit my previous job as a professional artist because I couldn't see a way of making the income work out, and I just wanted to write a very angst-filled story that would help me deal with my loneliness which I didn't see as something that would ever change. Writing about a character who's experienced centuries of loneliness was like 'cool, yeah, I'm gonna write about him.'

I did end up making friends, but it was kind of by accident! And not all of those experiences were positive. One person in particular became quite toxic and cruel towards me, and I experienced my first kind of encounter with...I guess what I would call the uglier side of fandom life and also just friendship and relationships. It took me a long time to recover from that experience (and to learn what emotional abuse is), and after that I shut down and stopped kind of making friends on the internet.

I have made friends through the writing since (they're usually the mutuals I also have on Instagram, or here, or people I've DMed in Discord etc.), but I haven't really sought it out actively and I think anyone who knows me well enough that we've private messaged a few times, also knows that I'm quite aloof and reserved, and that I will engage quite deeply sometimes but then disappear for a few months (or years) re: communication, which is a remnant of a period of time where I used to get sometimes 200 Whatsapp messages in 5 minutes from someone who expected me to be accountable to her every second of every day when she was awake and wanted me to be.

On top of like, severe social anxiety + PTSD, and being very reserved in general, I would also say I'm very time poor. I don't have much time for the friends I already have and care about. I often view myself as quite a poor friend, who is not good at starting and even worse at maintaining connections. I'm also very private. As in, I will happily tell the world I have PTSD. But I won't tell my friends in a private conversation when I'm having a bad night, and I don't give friends many opportunities to connect. Even with really close friends, this is an ongoing issue that I'm working on.

So as for befriending, that's extremely sweet of you anon, but who I am in my personal life is sometimes very different to like... the way I can respond in comments or to anons, because it's actually easier for me to talk to strangers sometimes than it is for me to talk to friends, lol. I honestly think some of the people I consider my friends don't even know that I do, because I don't really behave like one. I chat online regularly to one person only, and one other person intermittently (and they're a romantic partner) and that's it. Everyone else I chat to pretty rarely in DM. But I do turn up in the Fae Tales Discord every day.

I don't actually think lots of people want to be my friend, tbh? Not in a 'woe is me' way, but simply because I think some people do grok that kind of... polite distance or that sort of warm 'I care for a lot of people but I am also quite personally walled off' kind of way. The good news is a lot of the folks in the Fae Tales Discord also share a lot of interest in writing trauma and recovery, or have those experiences, and I know a lot of good friends have been made within the like...faedom itself. A lot of neurodivergent, trauma-focused folks have met each other through this writing, and it's really cool seeing the different friendships that have sparked up between people. There's a lot of extremely like... skilled, talented, interesting people that I've met through this job, who I admire, respect and want the best for, and am very happy to talk to.

But yeah I'm a bit difficult to befriend, anon, and that's been an ongoing thing all my life, tbh. But it did specifically get worse in fandom because of some early fandom experiences when I started out in Rise of the Guardians fanfiction.

[navxry]

i know you haven't been as active (probably because of irl stuff) but I wanted to let you know that your writing has always struck me as something unique and refreshing within the yan community. i know every writer will have their own ideas and writing, but yours is something I'll never experience from someone else. all your twists and turns are written in a way where they have a good build up but are unexpected, and you create an unique world with each fic (or universe) that makes me feel immersed in the story. i can feel how much you love your stories through your writing and i think that's beautiful

(utc, a bit emotional of a talk/response from an ex-writer)

This was probably one of the nicest messages I'll ever get, so I'm gonna put everything I feel here.

Thank you for this, anon. I don't know who you are, I don't know if you're my friend on anon or something, but you don't know how much this means to me. I thought my works wouldn't go so far in the community I used to write, but seeing that it affected you made me happy.

However, you're right on one thing. I've been... really busy. Finals got me swamped for weeks in October, not to mention that I couldn't continue writing for @/yxstxrdrxxm. I refuse to disclose the reasons why I can't write for it anymore, because frankly, it's stupid (and honestly, it's not new for some people) and so I don't bore anyone to death.

I contemplated just keeping this to myself, but decided against it and let this go. After all, this is something that I wished I've known sooner when I used to run the blog (it'd probably make things feel worth it, y'know?)

But anyways, sorry. That's besides the point.

Again, thank you for saying this. Although it's too late (because I don't know if I will un-archive the damn blog, it... Makes me feel empty thinking about it), it made me feel like I'm human to you. I don't know if others who saw it can say the same (except for my friends, hi, I know you see this too), but its... nice.

I'm honestly so glad you can tell how much passion goes into them. Each fic is something more than just words that I've regurgitated to, because it makes me feel that I'm personally in that world, so to speak. Its why its so personal when certain fics (OLC's series of mini drabbles/"date" fics, WotD if I bothered to post anyway, which I doubt lol, standalone ones like Tailor of Inazuma, Losing Patience, and even Alone) feel so... yknow. Alive. Like you're in it, I suppose.

I honestly want people to experience that feeling I do, to feel like they're really immersed in whatever goes on in that fic. That even if it stops at the last word, at the last punctuation... It still leaves a mark on your mind. And I'm very happy to know that it made you as invested as I was in writing it, only that you're reading it.

You genuinely have no idea how happy it makes me feel. And that's me being honest and not "haha, I'm just being a menace". It's more of.. yknow. "damn, someone really likes it? and sees it that way? thats... really nice of them."

Even if I don't write for the yandere community anymore (at least, for a specific fandom, because I personally don't think I'll ever write anything for the sake of getting my name out there), I'm... gonna remember this. Who knows? Maybe you'll see my fics again. Maybe you won't. At this point, I don't even know myself.

Just know that your message was... a nice welcome against the feeling of genuine hopelessness and feeling of being nothing to everyone. It's not as impactful as some may assume, but trust me, it made me feel genuinely human and all that I put out there was worth the pain.

tl;dr: thanks, anon. Your message genuinely made me writing for a year with a yandere genshin/hyv fandom worth it, even at a time where acknowledgement is hard (or even rare) to come around. It made everything worth the effort, more than you may think.

(also, although I wont be writing for the yandere community anymore or more specifically, to a certain fandom that genuinely sucked my happiness dry, I'll remember your message. It means a lot more than you may think.)

Anyways, yeah. thanks for making me feel that everything is worth it, and for making me feel that all my efforts weren't for naught. you're a real one /gen /pos

[hannieshuji]

this is just me talking (rambling) about my story with svt.

disclaimer: i'll do my best to make this post as cohesive as possible but i will probably ramble. i'll do my best. ^^

(lowercase intended)

tl;dr: i love seventeen so much. they saved my life and pulled me out of a dark place. now, i realize that the reason why i have this overwhelming love for them is because they bring out the child that i've suppressed for so long. of course, that's aside from how amazing they are as artists and as individuals.

tw: emotional abuse (slight mention)

i never thought that i would love a group as much as i love seventeen now. i've been immersed in the world of kpop for almost half of my life and i've been part of multiple fandoms. but i don't think i have ever felt this kind of overwhelming love and admiration for a group. of course, this is not to downplay or put down all my emotions for all the groups i've stanned. it's really more of a realization that, apparently, i can feel this much more.

i thought i've reached the ceiling of my emotions. i was even close to retiring from being an active kpop fan. but seventeen happened.

it was only in late 2022 when i started listening to their songs more. i knew who they were prior to that. i've heard their songs. my friends slipped into the diamond life way back in 2017. so i had an idea about how they are. but i never got into them because i was hyperfixated on another group.

anyway!

2023 was when i really got pulled into the fandom. i think it's definitely true that you meet seventeen at a time you need them the most. i can never fully express how they pulled me out of a dark place. i faced multiple betrayals from people i prioritized–people i considered as my ride-or-die friends. i don't want to delve much into it but i ended up questioning my worth, among all other things. aside from the people who know me best, seventeen helped me get out of that space. i believe winning the lottery for the tokyo dome stop during the follow tour was a blessing in disguise. the concert happened around a week or two after everything blew up with that friend group.

after that, i just fell more and more and more. the more i got into their content, the more i got to love and appreciate each and every one of them. sure, i have my bias(es) and my wreckers but my love for all 13 of them is undeniable.

a year later, i find myself still in deep awe and still very much in love with them. it surprised me. i mean, the overwhelming feeling surprised me because, as i said, i haven't felt this way about a group before. and as i navigate the days of this year, i realize why.

i come from a family that seems great on the outside but is almost rotten on the inside. as hard as it is to admit this, it's an emotionally abusive household. it's a place where all my feelings are invalidated. a place where i always have to understand where my parents were coming from even if they were being too much. add that to the fact that i'm the eldest daughter. i had to suppress so many things–emotions, feelings, and even the child in me. the more i think about it, the more i realize how dark it has been.

especially these past months. the emotional abuse and manipulation is just too much. if not for seventeen and their content, i honestly don't know where i would be.

why?

because seventeen never failed to remind me that my own feelings are valid. like the mindset that joshua recorded. i go back to that every single time i started creeping back into that dark hole.

but more than that, i think it's because they bring out the child in me. the kid who was never seen. the kid who had to grow up a little too quickly. they were the ones who taught me that i can still enjoy my life and play as i do my own adult responsibilities.

as i looki at them too, they made me believe that there are people out there who will love and respect you. that you can still find a group of people who you can build meaningful relationships with. of course, this is only coming from what they've shown us through content and anecdotes. but i do believe that seventeen are good people.

so maybe, this overwhelming love stems from awe and admiration. ahhh i don't know if i'm making any sense but i really, really just love them so much. it's the first time i tried writing something like this.

i just love you so much, my headliners. thank you for continuously doing what you love. i hope that i can keep on giving you back the love you endlessly give us.

thank you for being the light in the darkest corners of my life. and thank you for being an inspiration to do better and be better.

i do believe that i'll be in this diamond life until the end of my time. and in all my next lives.

[memory-of-dust]

tw: vent, feelings of isolation

Lately I've been struggling a bit.

I always felt rather alone in my life and just did things on my own. Even when growing up I was forced to "be a grown up" early and stand on my own two feet. Somehow this leads to the fact that I feel like I live my life secluded from everyone else and that I'm never anybody's first choice.

Doesn't help that I'm the most introverted person either and thus would never even get the idea of forcing myself onto others in the fear of coming off as annoying. When I've tried, every time someone started to talk behind my back about how annoying I am so there is also that. So I remove myself from situations I'd actually love to be included in. I wait until I'm asked and would never ask myself - if you get what I'm saying. And then I feel forgotten if I'm actually not asked in the end.

What doesn't help is the fact that there was a global pandemic, having to study all on my own because of it and now not knowing anyone in the course I chose for my specification. In general I feel like law studies were extremely isolating since it's just a giant battle royale even though no one is actually competing with you... but everyone acts like they do.

Anyway long story short why I bring this up now is that I caught wind of a couple of friends making a discord server together and I was never asked if I wanted to join as well. I would never ask either because... self-doubts, coming off as annoying yada-yada.

Now idk if they did this to go behind my back or not but it bothers me so fucking much. Especially since all of them still DM with me. So atm I feel like it's intentional that I was the only one left out.

I could just ask but I also don't want drama and I also currently do not have the energy or time for it due to my upcoming exams.

On top of all that I also became less active here and feel like people kinda forgot about me (which it my own fault - I'm not the main character of the universe and know that I haven't really posted much here due to health and then time restraints... maybe I can change that again sometime this year.)

But yeah TL;DR, I feel extremely alone at the moment 😔

[pan-magi]

I see that youve been a fan of magi for a long time, how do you cope with the lack of content and pretty much dead fandom? Ive been a long time fan or magi too and ive been trying to get my friends into magi.

Hi, Anon! I guess I have. It doesn't really feel like it though? I got into Magi early 2017 sometime and ran this blog for about 6 months or something until I vanished. This was meant to be my hyperfixation dump blog. The first one was Magi, and it... stayed Magi, lol.

This becomes very long but the tl;dr is Magi was more popular once upon a time and you can track down and return to older stuff with the lack of new content. And be honest to your friends about the ups and downs of what you like or what they could like about the series and keep conversations going with them.

At the time, I'll say Magi content was fairly active. The manga was ongoing but wrapping up, the main anime had ended but Adventures of Sinbad was only a year out or so. It wasn't anything to do with the series of why I left. More so I found new shiny things to focus on -- I had recently graduated college, yes, I'm old -- and fell out of love with tumblr more so than Magi and soon was not producing the content or consuming enough to stay interested in the series after it wrapped.

I'd love to give some great advice to stay interested in less popular series because I feel honored you asked. I can't claim to be good at it myself though. I got back into the series when I was sick late 2021 and binged everything. I re-watched the anime and then reread the manga when I got better.

You can try promoting it to your friends as good binge material. Magi does deal with themes you can sink your teeth into but it isn't super heavy. You don't realize how much you've gone through until you have.

I apologize for such a long answer. Let me try to get to your main point. I don't really think of it as something that's inactive or dead. The anime may be incomplete but the manga is done with. I don't think Ohtaka has much more to say on it, and that's why she has moved on to Orient. The series is wrapped- for better or worse. I'm not here to dissect how good or not the final arcs are. This is long enough and getting off topic XD. If you only have/can watch the anime then that's understandable. Accessibility and availability options are different for manga. For me, knowing the author has a complete version out there in some form and having access to it makes it easier. Content will come and go. Yes, I want more. I at least have a full course meal even if part of the dessert has disappeared into the ether.

Another thing that helps is that Magi is a young series. Not in the age range it appeals to but in how long it has been around. 14-15 years? Baby isn't old enough to drive in most places, lmao. The majority of fandoms I've been in are older or about as old as I am (30s). I am used to droughts in content and things coming in and out of popularity. Both in my ADHD-wired brain and by the fandom at large. I don't mean to say that younger fans are too fickle. As I said, I'm awful at it myself. There's a large gap of time (late 2017-2021) where my interests and priorities were elsewhere. I've only been active in the fandom for a few years at most.

I will say to help out try to explore the backlog of content if you have the chance and haven't already. New fan content may not be the most plentiful. Out of all the fandoms I follow the most relate to Magi and all of the tags are the quickest to breeze through what's new. It's sad. I haven't been active in this fandom for years, and there's stuff in its peak that I haven't gotten around to seeing that is still there for me to find. 14 years may not be that old in the grand scheme of things but that is still a long time for various fan art, fic, and other content to have been put up. If there's not enough new stuff to interest your friends, recommend older stuff you are aware of. Tumblr does not have the best search option and in my experience tags dry up after going back far enough even though I know older stuff exists. That is annoying and don't have a good counter on how to combat it.

Remember the old when you don't have enough new. Cycle through your favorite things at different intervals. Not for Magi specifically, but I reread some of my favorite fic that were over a decade old at the point of me discovering them. Now they're almost twice that age. One day go through one artist's backlog, then the next do someone else's, or read the fic that got you to love the fandom in the first place. If you get tired of older things or seen the same old too often- no worries! You can take a break or watch/read the series again (accessibility or availability again to be determined and yeah that majorly sucks). Scribble your own ideas down, regardless if you want to post them. Scratch that itch for you and no one else.

That is the best advice I can give. Try finding something else you haven't seen before or let yourself enjoy stuff you have. For your friends, this may sound counterintuitive but one thing I do when recommending stuff is give them a heads up as well on stuff they may not like. Like, mine is that I despise Aladdin being a little pervert. I've mentioned before how it turned me off the manga when I first picked it up at random. Don't try to catch them off guard by saying how wonderful something is and leaving out something that may turn them off. In my experience, that leads to annoyed friends. Give them the full picture, with spoilers being whatever you guys agree to, and let the strength of what you enjoy outweigh the caveats they have. Sometimes something is just not for them, and that is okay too. If they do start getting into Magi, keep the conversation up, ask them their favorite or least favorite thing, ship, how annoying and annoyingly charming Sinbad (or anyone) is, etc. Be someone to talk to about it even if they can't find new good shit to enjoy. Be that for each other. I dunno. I don't have friends irl who like Magi. If I did that's what'll I do. *shrug*

I am so sorry for the length and I don't feel as if I have been very helpful. I tried to edit it down and be as concise as I could. I can't do that on short notice or not being able to save drafts on asks. I hope this was a fun anecdotal read at least.

[yourubersawcrit]

I've been divinely inspired to send asks to others, so here I am. You've sent me some asks about my thoughts on Invincible, so it's about high time I send you some myself. I want to hear all of it; your favorite characters, least favorite characters, thoughts, predictions, the works. Feel free to rant, as I am actively encouraging it. :))))

I FOUND IT, HUZZAH!!

So! I'll do my best to write my rant as best as I can. Disclaimer for spoilers of the fourth episode of S2 if you haven't watched it, just in case, heh.

First of all, I learned about the series' existence by that meme at the top of this post a friend sent on a chat group we had; he drew fanart as well! After that, some users of another server wanted me to draw a character on that meme pose Omni-man was doing that showed his ass while kneeling —I believe it's still on my art sideblog—.

I wanted to watch it on my own, yet upon realizing I needed a Prime account, I decided to watch it with my parents. The first time I tried, it was night time, and they fell asleep before finishing episode one, which, in the context of the series, it was the best possible outcome for them. In my case, I watched all of it; it was just nice to have a more realistic approach of a young superhero and a family!

And that change of tone? Delightful! I gasped and enjoyed all the graphic details, as well as how much the GotG were hurt upon realizing Nolan was killing their colleagues, their friends.

Time passed, and I forgot about the series until I made my parents watch the Meet the Team videos, to then take advantage of their willingness so we could finish the series.

And oh boy, they did enhance the experience.

I still remember when Debbie said that Nolan was going to come home later for lunch, to then hear a small chuckle from my mother. A little bit of context should be provided, so I'll do that. My father works for the Navy here, and as consequence, he tends to go to other cities or board ships for days, weeks, even months, as well as working late; it has been normalized.

Watching a 17 year old guy wanting to be more than he was able to ever think possible as a 17 year old kid at the time was fascinating, if not sometimes painful. And now Mark is in college, heh. Yeap, the show hit home a few times, more than necessary.

What can I say about S1 overall? It was amazing! The sort of murder mystery tone it got was great to follow since we knew the who, not the why; and watching how Debbie was more and more sure about her theory was entertaining yet heart-stopping, as she was the only person capable of confronting Nolan and getting away with it. She worries me still, I want her to get her catharsis so she feels better; please writers, Debby deserves to be happy. She reminds me of my mother from time to time.

It's interesting how in the comics she is a housewife, yet in the series they decided to give her some agency and make her have a stable job, which may be the reason why they live in that house on the first place! She said “Get out of my house!” for a reason.

Mark, oh Mark. Watching him get physical and mentally damaged was such a journey that I enjoyed until I began caring for him just as with Debbie. He reminded me of another character that I deeply love, Kiana Kaslana, based on the fact that both characters were compared to someone related to them, as well as kept fighting for humanity although there were many reasons to stop doing so; also they are deeply traumatized.

And if the series' writers decide to follow the arc that Mark had in the comics, I may not survive. I'd implode from all the implications of it. TL;DR, let my guy be happy!

Nolan, ah Nolan. My partner thought he was going to be my favorite character, but Mark's existence takes the first place for sure. This man is so fascinating, being one of the strongest beings yet a complete insensitive dum dum goofball at the moment he has to express his honest feelings and thoughts thanks to all those years of Viltrumite indoctrination.

I hope he stops using Mark as a punching bag for his internal struggles. Looking at S1 episode 8 and S2 episode 4, he grabs his son as a ragdoll and yells at him as if that would convince Mark to be by his side? And the way he's feeling empathy now, hahah you fucker, have deep emotions now! It would have been preferable back on Earth, though. I wonder if the other Viltrumites will commit the execution or not.

I like most of the secondary characters, William is on thin ice, though, since he's uncaring of remembering Mark hurtful mistakes he's done, it doesn't seem William is joking sometimes, which confuses me since both characters are good friends and should know what may be a negative memory to the other.

My girl Amber is doing well! Good thing the writers realized that making her get mad at Mark based on his superhero life was not the best idea, resulting in Amber being more understanding on S2.

Eve is isolating herself, and her father kind of pisses me off because the story is quite vague in trying to prove if he's right or just trying to be more realistic, I'm referring to the incident he showed Eve that was wrote on the newspaper.

And the way they convey the concept of being more akin to someone you once saw divine, now showing its true colors, realizing you may go through the same path while everyone else acts if you already were that person, who brought nothing else but pain. It's wonderful.

It's an amazing show that has the privilege of being one of the few that made me care for the characters and their journey. Let's hope it ends with a bang when the time comes.

[galaxy98]

A Message To All

(So I originally wanted to make a video but it was too big to upload so screw it.)

Hello everyone.

As you may have heard, the Supreme Court decided yesterday to overturn Roe vs Wade, which is supposed to uphold the right to a legal and safe abortion, thus giving the power to more states to ban it in the process.

This is one of many decisions that the SCOTUS had made this week like the backing for religious educational funds, which only blurs the line between Church and State and the loss of miranda rights, which made it more difficult for your right to silence to be respected against law enforcement, i.e. you won't have the ability to sue.

The reason why this is relevant is because there's been something on my mind lately.

For the past few years, especially during the Trump administration, I've been beating myself up over what would be the RIGHT choice to make when responding to a crisis.

And like yesterday, there's been a contention amongst people about how things should be done. Whether it's electoral, activism, mutual aid, funding, or organizing.

For me, I'm willing to put aside my pride and say that regardless of the choices you make going forward in the days, months, or years that follow, it's always important to never lose sight of the thing that truly matters:

Being there for each other.

If there's somebody out there who's likely to be vulnerable to these decisions, then give them the help they need.

If you feel like you can't trust the people within your circle, then seek out those you can trust the most.

If you don't think you're capable of doing anything beyond what you're comfortable with, then limit yourself to that space. Because even the smallest actions can have a larger impact than you think.

And--this is very important--if you feel like you're stretching yourself too thin or just feeling the complete exhaustion from having to fight 24/7, then please Please PLEASE rest yourself! Take a breather if you have to. You don't have to give it all up, but just understand that there will always be someone out there to take your place. Your mental health is still a priority.

I don't know how long this is going to last. It may very well take years. But I do know if we do this with our heads held high, we can inspire people to make a difference.

Is it idealistic? Yes, no doubt. Because history dictates that stuff like this is always messy. It's pointless to think that this can all be done peacefully. The earth doesn't give me hope, but I still give it back to those who need it.

I say all of this as someone who's both privileged and a "person of faith."

Even though I am those two things, that should never stop me from having to care. Nor should it be for those who aren't likely to be affected by this.

Plus, no amount of scotsmen fallacy is going to change the overall optics of this supreme court decision. This is white nationalism in action.

I'm at a point now where I stopped caring about bringing people to God. Haven't cared for years. If it means that I have to help those without expecting much in return, then so be it.

I would rather be in solidarity with other people than having to close myself off in the name of Jesus.

In the eyes of leaders, we may be a minority. But when you look around yourself, we are always stronger in numbers.

Because life, in all its flaws, is still beautiful and worth fighting for.

TL;DR: When fighting against a crisis, solidarity is key.

(If you feel like sharing this outside of Tumblr, then do so by all means. Screencap it if you have to. It's meant to be shared.)

[himbeaux-on-ice]

What's going on with our boy Nolan Patrick? "Upper body injury" - is it his head again or is something else happened? I haven't seen him playing for a while :(

Hello! Answering your question turned into a bit of a longer generalized ramble about how the VGK tends to manage information about player health (what I would call their “infosec practices” lol), the process by which NHL players rehab from injuries, the availability of updates on injured players back in Vegas while the team is on the road, and what the terminology “upper body injury” does and doesn’t actually tell us; as well as my thoughts on NolPat specifically. I’ve also included a link to the twitter of one of the main VGK beat journalists who I keep an eye on for updates.

The post ended up quite long, so all of that is below the cut! My tl;dr sum-up on Patty Boy is bolded near the bottom, but I think all of it will probably help you to feel a little better. :)

The first thing you gotta know about the Golden Knights and injuries is that a lot of the time, they’re gonna be really vague/secretive about it. This frustrates me sometimes, but I also completely understand why they do it and I believe it comes from a good place! They’re a franchise that I’ve found tends to put a subtle but firm emphasis on providing the players with a degree of privacy in their behind-the-scenes lives. And when it comes to injuries, this is also motivated by the same reason coaches will only say things like “upper body injury” or “lower body injury” — that is, because they don’t want to give out information about the nature and location of an injury that could potentially allow opponents to target that recently-healed injury as a weakness when the player returns to the lineup.

Like I said, it can be pretty frustrating sometimes, especially when timelines aren’t given (anybody who was here to witness me griping and complaining my way through a month of the “Max Pacioretty is still considered a game time decision” mystery ailment non-updates knows what I mean lol), but in general this secrecy seems to be coming from a place of wanting to protect both the privacy and the on-ice safety of their players. And while I make fun of Pete DeBoer’s cryptic non-updates and vague timelines, I can certainly respect those motivations!

I also find they are more likely to give less information if it takes a while to narrow down exactly what the issue is, or if the timeline for rehab and return is a little hard to predict, or if it’s something that would be easier to re-injure. For example, “6 weeks with a broken foot” (which we’ve had two of lmao) is simple to predict and there are very few mysteries involved in it, because bones healing is generally the same, and the player wouldn’t be allowed back into a game at all until the bone is too fully healed to be a point of weakness, so that kind of information they don’t seem to have much of a problem with releasing. Whereas, if a player has something like say a ligament problem in their shoulder, that timeline may be harder to predict depending on how well rehab and treatment progresses, and that’s something which even when healed as fully as it can be, could still be more easily re-injured if someone targets it on the ice. So they might keep that more secret and just say “week to week, upper body injury” while they figure things out and work on it and monitor the player’s progress.

Another thing I’ve been reminded about lately through watching some old episodes of 24CH (the Habs’ now-defunct behind-the-scenes all-access show), is that when it comes to injury, the timeline for return isn’t just about healing whatever ails you. It’s also about getting back into a comfortable fitness level for NHL gameplay, after possibly doing significantly less than the usual amount of physical activity for however long it took you to return to health. Can’t just throw you right back into an NHL game all out of breath and stuff!

So, medical staff will come up with a timeline of when the player can resume certain types of activity, and the training staff will use that timeline to construct an individual exercise plan which gradually returns the player to full “game shape” in a way that won’t overstress whatever they injured or the rest of their body, building towards an eventual re-integration into full team practice and games with everyone else. It starts in the gym, where we can’t see it, and eventually builds up to seeing them on the ice again. This is more applicable for longer-term absences than NolPat’s current dip out of the lineup, but I always think it’s important to keep in mind. We are waiting not only on healing, but also on fitness-based rehab — and the longer a player is down, the longer the rehab will also take.

Related to that rehab process, I wanna talk also about sources of firsthand information, ie journalists. In the world of the current NHL protocols (as compared to last year), we have returned to a state of operations where most or all of the local (as in, based out of Las Vegas) press pool of reporters is actually travelling on the road with the team, rather than staying back in Vegas and doing zoom pressers like last year. So, this has consequences for what they can actually observe and tell us fans about. You may (or may not, I dunno how much you pay attention) have seen last week, just before the team departed on the road trip, that the journalists covering morning skate were able to stick around and observe Mark Stone skating by himself with a trainer after the main practice was over (which was a relief, since he’s also out with a mystery injury and no set timeline). But, have those practice skates in Vegas continued this week, or did they stop due to setbacks, or…..? Well, I actually have no way of knowing, because all of the journalists who would normally be at the practice rink to observe these things have been physically present on the road with the team (and therefore not in Las Vegas). We simply don’t know!

All that to say: it becomes harder to know what is going on with the progress of injured/recovering players back in Vegas while the team is on the road, because they are basically completely unobserved, putting a pause on the flow of information. It’s like Schrödinger’s Cat — until a journalist is there to see who is well enough to be skating, the injured players on unknown timelines are simultaneously both just days away from coming back and also completely MIA.

Given that NolPat was injured October 27th, and the team left for a road trip around the 1st just a few days later, for all we know he could have made great leaps and bounds in recovery this week, and we just don’t know because nobody was there to see it! Or he could still be sitting out. We don’t know! Clearly they left him home because they knew he would not be ready to play this week on the road, and/or felt that it was better for his recovery to not deal with the hassle of travel and just focus on working with the trainers. It feels like he’s been out a long time because most of the games that have happened since his injury have been a road trip that he did not go on. BUT now that the team is home for a 6-game stretch, the things that reliable VGK beat journalists like Jesse Granger observe at morning skates/practice days will tell us a lot more about where people are at in their recoveries over the next week or two.

As for info on NolPat specifically, I haven’t really heard anything about what exactly the deal is with him and his injury. He’s been out since Oct 27th with whatever is bothering him. He is not listed on Long-Term Injured Reserve (LTIR), which usually means they expect it to take less than 24 days/10 games from the date of injury for him to return to the lineup. We haven’t been able to get many updates this week because the journalists who provide them have not been physically present to observe him, but that doesn’t mean there has been no progress. Likely there will be more information during the upcoming homestand.

I would also caution against allowing yourself to jump to worst-case scenarios based on the broad categorization of “upper-body injury” and an absence of information, although its understandable how that happens. Just remember that “upper body” means pretty much literally everything from the stomach upwards, arms included — there’s a near-infinite number of potential ailments it could refer to because of just how MUCH of your body that is (literally half, and the busier half besides), and allowing yourself to take the most worrying possibility and run with it is only gonna stress you out.

Trust me, I’ve been there. I spent a lot of Patch’s mystery “upper body injury” absence last spring fretting that it was a concussion or neck injury because of his history with those, and then months later at camp he revealed (somewhat tongue-in-cheek) that whatever it was had been a “middle-body problem”, which was difficult to diagnose at first, leading to a prolonged timeline. So it was literally not head or neck at all, and I was all worried about that for no reason! These days I try more to not let myself get worked up over things like that which I simply cannot control or that I simply don’t know — it’s easier to just wait for more definitive info and hope for the best. Me freaking out will not make information available that isn’t or make the player heal faster — it will just make my life personally more difficult and stressful.

So, to wrap up: we don’t really know what’s up with Nolan, and we may or may not know more soon, and we probably don’t need to panic about it or assume the worst after such a short period of time. It feels like he’s been out a longer time mostly because the majority of the games that have happened since his injury have been a big road trip that he did not go on — once the team departed Vegas on the 1st, he was never going to play this past week no matter how healthy he was, because he’s not physically present at the place where games are happening.

Rest assured, with the amount of injuries the team has right now, journalists like Granger and others will be watching like HAWKS for any sign that we are close to or making progress on getting somebody back into the lineup, especially somebody with meaningful NHL experience like NolPat (as compared to some of the rookies filling things out right now). It will not fly under the radar. Keep an eye on what the journos are saying, and when they know, you’ll probably know. In the meantime, the best we can do is wait.

Hope this was helpful! And hopefully we see more and more of the VGK boys back in the lineup real soon.

[hashtag-anthems]

Gonna infodump about this under a read more because I actually studied this in undergrad. Standard disclaimer that I'm not a medical professional, I just studied this in college as part of a larger program and want to share my knowledge with other people. None of this constitutes medical or psychiatric advice.

tl;dr: gacha games, lootboxes, blind bags, etc. all take advantage of the same mechanisms that lead to gambling addiction while operating under specific loopholes that allow them to avoid being classified as gambling in most countries. Do not shame people who experience addiction, it is a medical condition that requires treatment and support, not imprisonment, ridicule, or shame.

If you think you or someone you care about is addicted to anything, whether it's drugs or gambling or gacha games, there are ways to get help. These resources vary by location, so I encourage everyone to do their research and learn about the options people in your area have to combat addiction. No matter how deep you are, you are never too late to seek out help and begin the journey to recovery.

So, first, let's talk about addiction. Addiction is a medical condition, and it's a medical condition that a lot of people profit off of. Whether it's by criminalizing addictions to profit off of prisons or creating industries that feed into them, people profit off of addiction. It's an incredibly predatory system.

Addiction runs in families. Like a lot of mental health disorders, if your parents or other family members have experienced addiction to something, you're more likely to experience it too. There are also some mental health disorders that make addiction more likely.

People who are addicted to things, whether it be drugs or alcohol or gambling or whatever, have a real medical condition that requires treatment and care. All of this is just to establish that those struggling with addiction do not deserve shame or judgement or ridicule, they deserve support in their recoveries. I encourage everyone to educate themselves on addiction, and maybe I'll make a post later with resources to learn more and how you can get help or support others in getting help.

My sources for all of the following information are from classes I took on psychopathology and how games and play work really well with human psychology and how to leverage that in an educational setting. Long story short, I studied this exact topic in undergrad.

So, addiction happens when some stimulus (a drug, an activity, etc.) creates an increase in dopamine, resulting in a "high" feeling. There are different methods by which stimuli produce these increases in dopamine (some stimulate dopamine production directly, some inhibit the parts of the brain that prevent dopamine production, etc.) but the increase in dopamine is what's important here.

When you have too much dopamine, it's bad. It can lead to things like seizures, increased aggression, all sorts of bad stuff. That's why they warn people who haven't been prescribed it about taking Adderall, because Adderall is a stimulant and raises dopamine levels, and too much dopamine leads to bad health outcomes.

So our bodies have ways of regulating most things. When we have high dopamine levels, our brains start producing less to keep us from flooding our brains with it and potentially causing significant harm to ourselves. So if someone regularly does drugs or gambles or anything else that produces excess dopamine, their brain will stop producing as much dopamine so that the person doesn't have too much.

This leads to withdrawal when the person stops the activity that's been giving them dopamine. Addiction happens when a person starts using an outside stimulus to produce extra dopamine, and as their body regulates their dopamine levels, they need more and more of that stimulus to get the same high, until they're reliant on these outside stimuli to get enough dopamine to function.

I want to emphasize: addiction is a medical condition that has many factors outside of a person's control, and addiction is profitable and therefore encouraged by a lot of institutions. I am not here to make judgements about anyone struggling with addiction. I am here to educate people on the facts so that they can be informed when they decide what to do with their own bodies.

You have autonomy, and educating yourself will empower you to use that autonomy for the benefit of yourself and others. If you want to do drugs, educate yourself on them and make an informed decision, including resources available if you decide you want to stop in the future. Of course, always be mindful of whether your drug of choice has secondhand effects (like secondhand smoke) and always be respectful of other people's decisions about their bodies by ensuring they aren't exposed without consent.

So gambling addictions are... a little different than drug addictions in one particular way. Drug addictions actually involve the body compensating for an expected high by lowering neurotransmitter levels when you begin the process of doing whatever drug you do. That's how overdoses happen -- your body learns to recognize the signs that you're about to do your drug of choice, and it compensates to keep you from dying, but if you change up the circumstances under which you're doing drugs, your body doesn't compensate, and a dose that got you pleasantly high the last time is now potentially lethal. This is called behavioral tolerance, if you want to look into it more, but don't let the name trick you into thinking it's a matter of choice or behavior. Supervised injection sites know that this is a risk and account for it, so don't let this scare you away from seeking help there if you think that's the right choice for you.

Gambling addictions don't involve that compensation during the process of gambling. When you develop a gambling addiction, it isn't winning that you get addicted to, it's the process of gambling. So whether you win or lose, you still get the high from actually doing the gambling. While the process of doing drugs actually lowers your levels of certain neurotransmitters, the process of gambling raises them to give you the high. Gambling itself becomes associated with rewards in your brain, not winning. Think about people who go to casinos and leave happy even if they lost everything they brought to bet with. Yeah, they'd probably be happier if they'd won, but they still say they had fun and enjoyed themselves, and that's what counts, right? They're getting pleasure, aka dopamine, from the process of gambling, not a specific outcome.

That's why gambling addictions are so dangerous. The reward for losing money on games that are never in your favor becomes greater than the consequences of losing that money, and people lose everything they have chasing that high.

So... what does doing drugs or gambling have to do with gacha games and lootboxes?

I live in the US, so I have the US legal definition of gambling here for your convenience:

"Gambling is accepting, recording, or registering bets, or carrying on a policy game or any other lottery, or playing any game of chance, for money or other thing of value."

This definition is based on federal law. State gambling laws vary. Look up your own state's laws if you're curious. If you live outside the US, I encourage you to look up your country's gambling laws too.

So, gacha games operate in the US based on two loopholes:

Gacha games, lootboxes, blind bags, and even trading cards operate under the rule that you are never actually at risk of losing money. You are buying a product. You are guaranteed a product. Whether it's the product you want or not is just dumb luck (ignoring any under-the-hood programming that influences your odds, but we haven't really proven that games are doing that... yet). It isn't gambling because there's no risk involved. You will always get a reward, it just might not be the reward you want.

For gacha games and lootboxes, you aren't always paying in real money. Most games have an in-game premium currency that you can buy more of with real money, but that you also get a certain amount of for free, so you can technically play the game for free. These games will always tell you that it's possible to play without ever making a purchase, and they're right. If it wasn't possible, they'd be running a lottery, and it would be illegal for minors to play. They just make it incredibly difficult to progress without paying money to incentivize you to spend money on the currency that you're technically paying in to play.

So that's how gachas and lootboxes are allowed to be run in the US with minors participating. There are restrictions that state these games much provide a full breakdown of the odds of getting each possible prize, but they still operate and are open to minors. Genshin is one of the biggest gachas right now, and the Apple App Store rates it as 12+, but they never ask you to input your age or birthdate to prove you're old enough to play it, so kids are going to play it.

Gachas and lootboxes are still, in essence, games of chance, because it's completely up to the random number generator to decide what you get. You'll get something, but there's never any guarantee that it'll be what you want. Some gachas improve your chances if you pull a certain number of times, but outside of these, your chances of getting what you want the more times you play never improve.

Kind of like gambling.

When you pay into a gacha, you're purchasing an item of value. You're guaranteed to get something out of it, but the value will differ depending on how the RNG resolves. Again, I really want to stress, there is no guarantee that you will get what you want. You might get 80 of the same thing you don't want and never get that rare card or skin or item.

We play games because they're fun. Ever since we were all children, we've experienced joy through play. Video games are no different, we play them because we get some kind of enjoyment out of them. They not only provide us with a fun narrative or setting, but they also allow us to take an active role in that story or setting. I think one of the reasons that video game movies so often flop is because video games are interactive experiences, and movies... aren't. The video game movies that do succeed are the ones that don't try to adapt a video game 1:1, but rather provide a new perspective or additional worldbuilding for the video game.

Video games also teach us things. I'm not just talking about the hokey edutainment games like The Oregon Trail or the Carmen Sandiego franchise. Every game you have ever played has taught you how to play that game, and even other games like it. Video games have tapped into the human psychological processes of learning to provice experiences that teach us more than we think without ever really making us aware of how much we're learning.

(This doesn't mean that video games teach us to be violent, but that's a whole other post that I'll make depending on interest).

So, what do gacha games and games with lootboxes teach us? What do we learn from paying into these games and getting the same common prizes over and over again hoping that one day we'll get the ultra rare prize we wanted all along?

Well, we see our friends getting the prizes and we say hey, if they can get it, so can I, so we keep paying in and buying more chances to get the rare prize. Playing this game makes you part of a community, and a lot of people in the community lament how much money they've spent trying to get this cool thing, so you keep paying in because it's normal, it's expected, it's how the game is, and paying into this system makes you part of a community. You get praise and recognition when you do get the prize, and you get sympathy and reassurance when you don't. It's not the winning that matters, it's the process.

Huh, kind of like gambling...

So you play, and maybe you do genuinely enjoy the story, or the gameplay outside of the gacha/lootbox feature, or the character design. You're enjoying the game, and the game involves paying into the game to get more prizes to continue playing the game. They make it really appealing to keep paying in to get all the new characters or skins or items. You get bonuses if you have certain items, or you get clout for having that rare skin on your character in PvP play, or you get advantages in the game if you have a certain character. These are all incentives to keep paying in, because the game gives you dopamine and you gotta pay in to play the game.

These games have paywalls that are... possible to overcome without spending money, but it's difficult and relies mostly on sheer luck from free pulls from the gacha or free lootboxes from playing. They have to make it possible to keep it from being a lottery. That doesn't mean that they're going to make it easy.

Again, I'm not here to make moral judgements about anyone who plays these games. They're fun games. If they weren't fun, nobody would play them. Looking back, I was dangerously close to getting really addicted to Love Nikki back when I played that, and I'm lucky that I had a support network of people who could help me avoid that. I've been there.

I'm just here to tell you what these games are capable of so that you can make informed decisions about whether they're worth playing. If you're worried that you're addicted to gachas or lootboxes, contact a gambling addiction support service. They have resources that can help you.

Stay safe. There are people who care about you. You are more than your addiction. You can come back from it. Addiction is not a moral failing or a crime, it is a medical condition that can be treated.

Your friendly reminder to not spend money on gacha.

[emilyisaacson]

You Haven't Heard of the School that Will Hire You, a series of posts

This week, due to job search committee responsibilities, a book chapter on teaching at a non-elite institution, and general scheming with Shakespearean colleagues, I came to the realization that I want to run a professionalization workshop for graduate students called "You haven't yet heard of the school that will hire you."*

So, in order to start thinking about this topic (and hopefully a snappier title, since I am actually in charge of some professionalization panels for a November conference), I've decided to try to blog about the experience of teaching at a small, teaching focused college, while trying to be an active (or active-ish) scholar, living in a community far from home, and generally maintaining some areas of interest outside of work.**

What I'll write about is drawn heavily from my own experience, teaching at two small institutions; but it's also drawn from years of reading and from years of developing a network of fellow scholars at similar institutions.

To kick off what I hope will be a regular set of posts (or irregular, whatever), let me outline my career up to this point:

I finished my comprehensive exams in the fall of 2005 and immediately began work on my dissertation.

While I worked on my dissertation, my husband was hired by a public regional comprehensive university in Florida. We moved there and I took a part time instructor job for one year, then a full time instructor job the second. In the first year, I was writing my dissertation and teaching three classes; in my second I defended my dissertation, taught four classes, and began applying for tenure track jobs.

In the late spring of our second year in Florida, I applied for a tenure track job at a small, private, church-affiliated school in an extremely small town in North Carolina. I got the job and negotiated a tenure track job for my husband. (After this, I'm leaving him generally out of the explanation, because it's not really necessary for what I'll be writing about; rather it's necessary for you to know why I wound up in Florida and how I left.)

The church affiliated institution turned out to be a bad fit for us. It was more religiously conservative than we were initially led to believe.  While that's their prerogative, it simply wasn't good for a couple of liberal people who don't really go to church very often, but have a strong enough commitment to theological differences in protestant groups that we wouldn't go to just any church to comply with expectations.  (TL;DR version of that last sentence: I'm Lutheran and I won't join your [any other denomination] church.)

I found a job at another small liberal arts school in Ohio after 5 years in North Carolina.***

I am up for tenure this year (decision in a month!). I was also tasked with overseeing our Honors Program, which puts me in a part-administrative and part-faculty job.

With the exception of that first year in Florida, my contracted teaching load has been four courses every semester. When I've not taught four courses, I've been overseeing programs instead.

I've also taught a wide array of courses:

College Writing (Basically, English 101 in all of its permutations)

Intermediate Academic Writing

Introduction to Critical Thinking

Introduction to College Life

Introduction to Honors

Introduction to Literature

Interpretation of Fiction

Interpretation of Poetry

Interpretation of Drama

Introduction to Literary Theory

Shakespeare

British Literature before 1798 (the survey)

British Literature after 1798 (the survey)

Women's Literature

World Literature (courses in ancient drama, Caribbean literature, magical realism, and the post-1700 survey of literature in translation)

Novels

British Literature (courses in early modern literature, early modern drama, 18th century literature, monsters in British Literature)

Senior Capstone in English

Along the way, I've also mentored all kinds of senior projects.

The point in all of this is that I'm a busy professor who is constantly learning new things to teach -- and that's part of the job.  But what I'm learning isn't pushing me deeper into my field; rather it's pushing me to explore far beyond my specialization and it's challenging me in ways that grad school didn't necessarily prepare me for (though the good people in my graduate program certainly worked hard to do so).

What I want to do here is to talk about my own experiences -- and if those experiences help current graduate students out a bit, then this becomes something beyond navel-gazing.****

My experience is not particularly unique, but it's one borne of experience that graduate school could not have given me -- and I think that's why it's worth writing about publicly.

Because this is public, I will say all the disclaimer things here: my work only represents my own views, not those of my employer. I also will not identify students or specific colleagues in ways that make them identifiable: but I also try to avoid complaining about students and colleagues in public forums anyway. For every moment I get annoyed with someone, I'm sure someone else is frustrated with me. It's part of working with, well, people.  I won't name the schools where I've worked, but they're easy to find (I link to my CV from this blog).

Based on reaction that I got from the title yesterday, I'm going to tag this series "Secret Schools" (h/t Meg Pearson for that name).  Let's just see how well I keep this up.

*If you can find tenure track (or full time) work at all.

** I might not be the best person to discuss this last part, but whatever.

*** I leave out much about my husband, because this is where our careers get complicated and sent us to live in different towns for a few years. The good news is that we live together again and he's working on a college campus again. The less good news is that it's not in a faculty position, the way that we would like.

**** I'm also okay with navel gazing.