#tiuappweek18

[drifteratheart]

This Is Us Appreciation Week

Day 4: Favourite Quote - Kevin’s soliloquy of self-loathing on the football field of broken dreams

[strawberry-split]

This is us appreciation week: Day 3 ↠  Favorite episode

“ I mean, it's kind of beautiful, right, if you think about it, the fact that just because someone dies, just because you can't see them or talk to them anymore, it doesn't mean they're not still in the painting. I think maybe that's the point of the whole thing. There's no dying. There's no 'You' or 'Me' or 'Them.' It's just 'Us.' And this sloppy, wild, colorful, magical thing that has no beginning, has no end, it's right here. I think it's us.”

[bigthree]

This Is Us appreciation week        Day 6: favorite couple → Rebecca & Jack

[michaelcorderoes]

This Is Us Appreciation Week ➙ Day 2 : favorite character

⤷ Beth Pearson : Everything's better with a little Beth on it. You're the chocolate sauce on my ice cream, girl.

[thisisusfan388]

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Hey guys -- this is my first ever 'This Is Us' fic, written in conjunction with the This Is Us appreciation week organized by @bigthree :)  I'm submitting this piece for This Is Us  Appreciation Week day 2- favourite character, because Jack Pearson is my favorite character on the show. <3

This takes place shortly after Jack's death. In this chapter, we'll explore Rebecca's POV and how she coped with Jack's death and how she was feeling a month after his death. Enjoy!

P.S. The title inspiration for this chapter is from Celine Dion's song 'It's All Coming Back To Me Now.'

p.p.s Special thanks and gratitude goes to the lovely @private-practice-fan for helping me to proofread and giving me feedback and encouragement for this fic. <3 <3

Rebecca's POV

The silence in the middle of the night is so loud. I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling.

A month has passed since I've had to scatter my husband's ashes under a tree. One month since I've lost the love of my life, and had my other half ripped apart from me. One month since life as I knew it ended so abruptly.

I've heard that they are 5 stages of grief -- denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I may have skipped one or more stages. I was definitely in denial when the doctor first told me that Jack was dead. I casually popped the half-eaten chocolate into my mouth and told the doctor he was out of his mind and to back off. Of course, I found it impossible to believe -- just a few minutes ago, the last time I saw Jack, he was fine - sitting up on the hospital bed, teasing me and cracking one of his lame jokes. (Which I now miss so much). But when I rushed back into his room and saw his still body, that's when the harsh reality sank in -- Jack was gone forever. I can barely recall covering my mouth in shock, trying to no avail to suppress the animal-like moan of anguish that escaped my throat as I felt the floor give way from under me and my entire world crumble beneath me.

The infamous question of ‘Why do bad things happen to good people' popped into my head too.

Jack and I were supposed to live happily ever after. We were supposed to grow old together, to be one of those old couples who are still so in love with each other after many decades of marriage, one of those couples who people envy and younger couples aspire to be. One day, we were making out on the couch and planning to start a new business venture together, and the next day, our dreams were all extinguished by the fire. A fire which started with a malfunctioning crockpot. Who knew that fire, which is essential to mankind could destroy an entire house and family in minutes?

For the past month, I felt like a walking zombie, going through all the motions. The first week of being a widow passed by in a blur. I was physically present but emotionally, I was somewhere else. Yes, I was there at Jack's funeral, entertaining the guests who came and offered me their most sincere condolences. I faked a smile as I shook their hands and thanked them. I put on a facade, staying strong for everyone to see. People had been calling up to check on me, sending me well-meaning messages or dropping by to give me some prepared meals. I was so grateful for their help, but the fact is -- nothing can replace the hole that Jack's demise left in my heart. After that, when the generous friends stopped visiting, loneliness started to seep in. However, I need to be strong for my three children -- they have just lost their father and are grieving too. I can't show any sign of weakness in front of them, because I am now the leader of the family. I'm supposed to be the strong one, getting it together for the family. I have no choice, I'm the only parent they have left.  

Even scattering Jack's ashes under the special tree couldn't help me let go of him. Surprisingly, I didn't cry that night but instead brought the kids to watch a movie, where we tried to no avail to laugh away all our heartbreak and grief.

The 3 children are coping with the loss of their beloved dad in their own ways. Kevin has been spending more and more time at Sophie's, only returning to our rented apartment at night to sleep. In fact, he now sleeps over at Sophie's most nights too, so I seldom see him. I know that Sophie is leaving for NYU and he wants to spend as much time with her as possible before she leaves. But he's my son, and I know that this is his coping mechanism, his way of ignoring the fact that he was in an argument with his dad the last time he saw him. When I ask him about his college applications, he would just snap at me.

Kate seems withdrawn in her own world. I know that she was the closest to Jack and they shared a special father-daughter bond which could not be broken. My heart aches for her. I try to reach out to her, but the more I do, the more she withdraws from me. She doesn't talk to me at all; she doesn't even answer me when I show her concern by asking her if she has showered or eaten. She hasn't smiled for the past month. All she does when she's home from school is stare blankly into space with her headphones stuck in her ears. She won’t answer me when I ask her about her college applications.

Randall is the only child who seems to care about me, the only one whose sanity is still intact. He is the one staying by my side the whole time and making sure that I am okay. He is the only one who cares to ask whether I have eaten or slept and how I'm feeling. Even though he is grieving over the loss of his father too, he still cares for me and I really appreciate it. He tells me that he is interested in entering one of the Ivy League universities, although he has yet to decide which university to apply to.

_____________________________________________________________

Now in the middle of one of those lonely nights spent lying alone in bed and staring up at the ceiling, I let myself grieve. I look at the other side of the too huge king-sized bed, which seems so empty. Jack is supposed to be lying here beside me. I'm supposed to be cuddled up in our big comfortable bed with him, safe in his warm embrace. I miss being in his arms, snuggled up close to him, feeling the comfort of his heartbeat. Now the bed seems so empty and cold without him.

"Jack -- you are supposed to be here" I whisper to the empty space beside me. Even now, I still sleep on the same side of the bed. Maybe I'm subconsciously hoping for Jack to appear beside me when I open my eyes in the morning. I sigh as I continue whispering. ‘'You're supposed to be here for our children's graduations. You're supposed to be here for their weddings. You're supposed to be here to see the birth of our grandchildren. We are supposed to grow old together."

I close my eyes and feel a stray tear running down my cheek. Now Big Three Homes will remain a dream. Jack will never see our children get married. He won’t be present to walk Kate down the aisle on her wedding day if she gets married. He'll never get to meet our future grandchildren if we have them. This is so unfair.

My mind wanders to Dr. K's wise words which have made an impact on mine and Jack's lives. "There's no lemon so sour that you can't make something resembling lemonade.'' When Jack first told me about this quote, which Dr. K uttered to him in the hospital when the triplets were born and we lost Kyle, I thought it was a great quote indeed. We decided to use this quote as our life and family motto.

This quote was what got us through all the ups and downs of life, including the loss of Kyle, our 3rd triplet, and our marriage troubles just a couple of years ago. We made lemonade together. But now I have to do this alone, and I don't think I can.

I then recall Dr. K's encouraging words to me at the bench after Jack's funeral. I had been trying to stay strong for too long, but I finally broke down at his words. He reminded me of my strength and reassured me that I could go on even when I thought I couldn't. He told me that I not only made lemonade, but I made the sweetest lemonade ever. In my grief at that moment, I didn't necessarily believe his words, but I clung to them like a lifeline. His words were what got me through the rest of the month. I kept on reminding myself that I must remain strong for the kids.

Another few stray tears roll down my cheeks as I wipe them away with the sleeve of my nightgown. I am alone; Kevin must be at Sophie's -- he hasn't had a single meal with me ever since the night we scattered Jack's ashes. Kate might be at a friend's too -- she has been avoiding me like a plague. And Randall is in his own room, fast asleep.

I feel so lonely indeed. Jack was the glue that kept the family together. Now after his death, it seems like our entire family just disintegrated. As more tears roll down, I recall the wonderful memories that Jack and I had built over the years. I recall the very first time I laid my eyes on him as I was singing ‘Moonshadow'. I almost stopped singing right then as my heart skipped a beat. I finished the song as my eyes never left him the entire time. As soon as I finished singing, I left the stage immediately and went over to say hello. We talked for hours that night, until the pub closed. Since then, we were inseparable. His proposal was simple but so unique and heartwarming. Our wedding, although simple, was one of the best days of my life. I felt like such a beautiful bride that day -- Jack made sure I felt that way. We did everything together -- we watched the Super Bowl together every year without fail. We entered parenthood, grieved through the loss of Kyle and adopted Randall together. We raised 3 children together in a happy and healthy environment. We changed diapers, cleaned up messes, kissed scrapped knees, hosted numerous birthday parties and mediated sibling squabbles together. We made numerous memories as a family. I remember Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving celebrations and how we were such a happy family. Even when we had a huge argument a couple of years ago, we still managed to make up and emerge from it stronger than ever. Friends have always mentioned that we were attached at the hip, and I don't think I can argue with that.

I think this had mostly to do with Jack being the near perfect person he was. I know that no one is perfect, but he was the closest to perfect as a human can be. He always made sure to let me know every day how much he loved me and how much I meant to him through his words and actions. When we were courting, he made sure to bring me to the most romantic restaurants and shower me with the best gifts ever, even though I'm sure it must have burnt a hole in his pocket. I expressed my concerns about that, but he always brushed it off, saying that I deserve it. When I was pregnant with the triplets, he purchased our dream house- the house which was full of happy memories, joy and laughter, which ended up being burnt to the ground in an instant. Although the house is no longer physically there, the memories we created in the house will stay with me and the kids forever. When we brought the babies home from the hospital, although it wasn't common for dads to help out with childcare during that time, he erased the stereotype right from the beginning by helping me to feed them and change their diapers and waking up in the middle of the night to soothe their cries. When the children were older, he was the fun parent, always suggesting fun things to do as a family, such as spontaneous road trips and vacations, which delighted them. When one of the children was upset, he would placate them in his own way. He had the talent of turning a pout into a grin in a matter of seconds. He had the knack of resolving squabbles between the siblings effortlessly. The times when I would lose my temper over a petty thing, he would put a smile back on my face almost right away. When the kids drove me up the wall, he knew how to calm me down. When he saw that I was fuming inside, he would make a joke or give me a hug or kiss and tell me how much he loved me, and I would cool down immediately. He was always so level-headed and even-tempered. He had such a big heart; he had shown time and time again that he would do anything for me and our kids, even climb mountains and swim across seas for us. He would even lay down his life for us, which was demonstrated so clearly when he tried to save me, Kate and Randall from the fire. To top it off, he just had to re-enter the house that night to save Kate’s dog and mementos that meant so much to us. Could he have survived had he not gone back into the house to save Kate’s dog and the mementos? No one knows for sure. What I know for sure is that nothing is going to bring him back.

"Jack, I don't know how I can go on without you." I whisper out loud. "I'm not strong enough to carry on living the rest of my life without you. I know I have to be strong for our kids, but I just can't do this anymore." I whimper as I let the tears continue to roll down my cheeks.

I take another glance at the oh so empty space beside me.

"I don't know if you can hear or see me, but if you do, I need a sign that you're ok." I whisper again. I would give anything just to see his face and his smile, hear his voice and laughter, and feel the warmth of his touch one more time.

"I'm ok, Rebecca." I hear Jack's voice calling out from the dark. I am now sitting upright on the bed. Is this real? Am I hallucinating? Is that really Jack's voice I am hearing?

"Jack!" I whisper as I turn frantically towards the direction of the voice.

There in the darkness he stands, my Jack, looking ever so handsome in the same shirt he was wearing the last time I saw him.

He is smiling at me, the smile which I miss so much.

"Jack", I cry out, my words stuck in my throat. Is this really him, standing next to me?

"Jack, I��. I miss you so much." I mutter, at loss of words to say to him. " The kids miss you too. Kevin is barely at home, Kate hides in her room all the time, Randall is the only one who cares but I cannot burden him anymore… Jack, I just can't do this without you. I'm not strong enough to face life without you. I need you. The kids need you. Why did you have to leave?!"

"You can do this, Rebecca. I know you can. I have full faith in you. You're the strongest and most remarkable woman I know." Jack encourages me in his ever-soothing voice.

" But I need you by my side. We're supposed to grow old together!" I cry out.

"I know, and we'll still age together. I'm still here with you -- I'm here in your heart." he says, pointing to his heart. I'll live in the memories we shared together, and through our children. I love you so much Rebecca, more than you'll ever know. You and the kids are my whole life. So you have to be strong for the kids. Let them know that I love them so much too. Let Kevin know that I forgive him, and not to beat himself up over our last argument and that he makes me proud. Tell Kate that she'll be such an amazing singer, and that she shouldn't care so much about what others think of her, because she's already wonderful as she is. Tell Randall that he has such great potential and will go on to do incredible things in life. Tell all 3 of them that I'm so proud of them."

"You're supposed to tell them yourself!" I sob. "You're supposed to be here to see the 3 of them graduate high school and send them off to the college of their choices."

" I'll be there during their graduation. Just picture me smiling proudly at them. I know I'll be so proud of them. We raised 3 incredible kids, Rebecca." Jack points out, smiling.

" We did it together. And now I can't do this alone." I sob again.

"You're not alone, Rebecca. I'm here with you. Just look out for any signs which bring a smile to your face -- a butterfly, a rainbow, a blooming flower. I'll be here with you always." he says.

I look at him for comfort and he just smiles and shows me his perfect teeth.

I wish he would touch my shoulder in a comforting gesture and pull me into a warm embrace like he usually does, but this time he doesn't.

I reach out my hand to touch him, but touch cold air instead.

Meanwhile, he is beginning to fade slowly into the background.

"Jack!" I cry out. I am losing him all over again and it breaks my heart.

"No…no… Jack!!" I cry louder, as I reach my hand out even further, clinging to his presence.

But it's too late -- he's gone.

I stare into the darkness where he stood just a moment ago, before I dissolve into uncontrollable sobs. Why did he have to leave me?!

I sob and sob until I feel someone shaking me.

"Mom?" I hear Randall's voice calling me.

"Mom?" he calls out again as he shakes me awake.

"Huh?" I groggily reply as I rub off sleep from my eyes.

" I was wondering whether you are ok, because it's already 11 am. You never slept in until this late before." Randall says, a tone of concern in his voice. "Are you ok?"

"Mom are you crying?" he asks before I can answer him.

"Yes, I was dreaming about your dad." I tell him, sniffling. " He looked so handsome, wearing the same shirt he wore the last time we saw him. He told me to tell you that you have so much potential and will go on to do incredible things in life and that he's so proud of you and your siblings. He also told me how strong I am. I miss him so much, Randall." I say, my voice cracking.

I can see Randall's eyes begin to water, and a downcast expression on his face.

" I know Mom, I really miss him too." he says.

" He's supposed to see you graduate and go to an Ivy League university." I say, as tears begin rolling down my cheeks again.

Randall takes a seat on the bed beside me and pulls me close for a hug. Feeling the warmth of his embrace, I miss being in Jack's arms even more. I begin to let go of all the emotions I've been hiding inside and sob in his arms. I sob and sob, letting go of all the grief, despair and anguish I feel over losing Jack, and the loneliness and emptiness which losing my soulmate and companion for life left in my heart. We sit in that position for a long time, clinging on tight to each other for support. We need each other to fill the void that losing Jack left in our lives. We need to stay strong for each other.

 This is it guys, my first ever This Is Us fic. Please do let me know what you think, ok -- feedback in any form- be it reblogs with comments, notes, asks, direct messages, etc. are very welcome. I would really love to hear from you all <3

P.S. Do stay tuned for the POVs of each of the Big Three shortly after Jack's death

[mistymorningwritings]

Plus One

I wrote this fanfic for 

This is Us appreciation week

Day 5: Favorite Couple - Kevin & Sophie

Superbowl Sunday 1998

Sophie was Kevin's refuge. Always had been. Whenever he was upset, she was the one who could calm him down. Whenever he was being unreasonable, she was the one who could talk him down and knock some sense into him. And after the altercation with his parents he'd just had, she was absolutely the only person he wanted to be with right now.

He hobbled all the way to her house on his crutches, fully aware she might not be home anyways, because she'd talked about celebrating her acceptance to NYU with her parents on the phone earlier.

When she opened the door, surprised, but actually happy to see him, he was so relieved. He had no plans to bother her with his unnecessary drama, he just wanted to be with her and feel the comfort of her presence, while they watched their favorite movie together.

But there was no fooling Sophie. "So?" She asked over her shoulder as she was setting up the VHS. "What happened?"

And just like that he spilled everything that had happened between him and his parents that evening.

"I was a complete ass to them, but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do now," he finished just as Sophie slid the Princess Bride tape into the VHS. "Football was the only thing I had going for myself and now it's gone and I have nothing and they can't see that and it pissed me off."

Sophie joined him on the couch, shaking her head so vigorously like she couldn't believe the utter bullshit that was coming out of her boyfriend's mouth. "Football is not the only thing you have going for yourself, Kevin."

"Oh really? What else is there? I'm not actually smart like Randall. Or nice like Randall for that matter."

"You gotta stop comparing yourself to Randall," Sophie said. "Just because you're not as smart as him, doesn't mean you're dumb. Also, I'm sure there are enough people who would disagree on you not being nice. Take Charlotte Everly for example."

Kevin frowned. "Who?"

"The girl you helped at Hannah Brubaker's party last year?"

The explanation didn't do much to jog Kevin's memory. He stared blankly, trying to figure out what Sophie was talking about. Sophie rolled her eyes in frustration. "God, it's just like you to forget the times when you're actually nice."

"Let's just watch the movie, okay?" Kevin grumbled.

continue reading on ff.net

[drifteratheart]

This Is Us Appreciation Week

Day 3: Favourite Episode - 2x08 Number One

[bigthree]

This Is Us appreciation week        Day 7: favorite family celebration → Birthday! 

[drifteratheart]

This Is Us Appreciation Week

Day 6: Favourite Couple - Kevin & Sophie (they are so underrated and deserve more love)

[drifteratheart]

This Is Us Appreciation Week

Day 2: Favourite character - Kevin Pearson

[strawberry-split]

This is us appreciation week: Day 4 ↠  Favorite quote

[strawberry-split]

This is us appreciation week: Day 1 ↠  The moment you fell in love with the show

[strawberry-split]

This is us appreciation week: Day 2 ↠  Favorite character  

[bigthree]

Hello everybody, the hiatus is here and we should use this time to celebrate our favorite show! I was thinking of doing a This Is Us appreciation week. This will be the perfect moment for fans to create contents like gifsets, fics, fanvids, moodboards, drawings… about the series. I don’t have a clear idea of what could be the theme of each day, maybe “favorite character”, “quote”, “episode”… 

If you want to participate please like or reblog this post (it’s important because it won’t work if we don’t have enough participants), and if you have any suggestions about rules or themes my mailbox is open. Have a nice day :)

[michaelcorderoes]

This Is Us Appreciation Week : Day 6 ➙ favorite couple

⤷ Randall and Beth :  When I was young, all I did was dream of living alone. Like some hippie life, you know ? (...) So what happened ? I met your damn son. One look in his eyes, he ruined everything.

[strawberry-split]

This is us appreciation week: Day 5 ↠  Favorite time period