#tired of that bitch asking to ‘borrow’ money like girl….be so fucking for real

[hellfireeddiemunson]

slayyyy my mom has work today so i can order myself food and not feel like i’m gonna be hounded for money 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[princess-of-the-corner]

Feel free to ignore, but what do you think would change if Adrien was a girl with optional boy Marinette? (Trans or cis, your preference)

Let's make them both trans just for fun! I'll use the typical gender swap names of Marin and Adrienne. (Also, slight warning: I'm half-asleep and also dumb, so I might accidentally use their Canon names/genders. I'm not trying to be an asshole I'm just dumb and tired)

So both transitioned pre-series. However. There's differences on who knows.

Marin: Other than his parents, its mostly old friends like Nino and Kim remember Marin pre-transition. They still sometimes call him "Nette"/"Nettie" as a nickname, but Marin doesn't mind because it doesn't immediately out him. Rose and Juleka also know because Juleka and Marin both got trans vibes off each other and came out to one another. Other than that, most of the class only remembers Marin as a boy and he doesn't feel the need to tell everyone outright. Some people guess because Marin is very LGBT+ involved, so they know he's somewhere in that.

As for Adrienne, she's unfortunately out to everyone because the Agrestes are well known. Adrienne made her modeling debut modeling boys clothes, but after coming out to her parents she was switched to modeling female clothes(because Gabriel might be a fuck but at least he's not a transphobe!). It was kind of a big PR thing when it happened, and she still sometimes gets misgendered in magazines, but that's what the lawyers are for! As I said though, Adrienne doesn't have quite as much privacy on who she can tell because of that. Though the class doesn't immediately know because they weren't paying attention to the Agrestes before meeting Adrienne, they do find out through articles about her now that they're paying attention.

Onto some changes, let's start with Chloé! She still sees Adrienne as her best friend/almost sibling, and is very protective/possessive of her. But it doesn't come across as a romantic crush because Chloé can't use Adrienne as a "let me pretend I'm straight" crush. She will fight anyone who misgenders Adrienne though. The fact that Chloé can be friends with someone as sweet and kind as Adrienne without any 'crush' to explain her interest gets people looking at her in a new light. Like a "huh. Maybe she's not a total bitch?", and everyone decides to subtly work with her/give her a chance to be nicer.

Marin still befriends Alya in Origins but doesn't come out to her immediately. Adrienne also befriends Nino too.

Marin also still develops a crush on Adrienne. While he didn't pay attention to Agreste Family Drama before, he is aware that Adrienne is trans so that's not an issue in his anxieties.

On the flip side: Ladynoir. Or Lordnoire.

Lordbug and Chat Noire are Paris's Heroes. And they're dynamic is pretty much the same, except Chat Noire is less open in her flirting at the beginning.

The reason for that is because she doesn't know if Lordbug will like her if he finds out she's trans, so she doesn't quite get her hopes up until later. Because Chat Noire tells Marin during a "Marichat Moment", so next "Lordnoire" moment, Lordbug drops a "btw I'm trans" into the conversation.

So a lot of the plots don't change. But some of the crush drama does. Let's start:

Nathaniel in Evilustrator: Nath still has a crush on Marin. Chloé doesn't tease the crush as much in this version because she might be a bitch but outing someone like that is a line she doesn't cross. Nathaniel kind of ends up outing himself because Evilustrator takes Marin on the date and everyone connects those dots.

Nino in Animan: Nino still has a crush on Marin but is having more of a LGBT-related debate within himself. He's like "I have a crush on Marin, which should mean I'm not straight because he is a guy. But as he is my first guy crush will he see it as me being not-straight or will he think I'm still straight but not accepting him? And even worse, is that what I'm subconsciously doing???" By the end, DJWifi still happens and Nino can tell Marin "so I'm not straight and I did have a crush on you but also I now have a crush on Alya and we're dating!". The power of being locked in a panther cage.

Théo in Copycat: Because he's straight, Théo's crush is on Chat Noire instead. She rejects him for several reasons, the biggest being that she's in love with Lordbug. Théo ends up as a Copybug instead, jealous that Lordbug has captured the heart of his crush. Lordbug thinks it was because he didn't come to the statue thing, but after he's defeated he apologizes to Chat Noire about how he reacted to her rejection. Lordbug'a just standing there like "wait, if you were upset she rejected you, why'd you turn into fake me???". Chat Noire helps dodge that by pointing out that they're about to detransform.

Kagami: I'm debating on this. Tbh I want to set it up for my usual polyship as endgame, but That's not the debate. The debate is whether Kagami has a crush on Adrienne and the "oh no I'm gay!" Panic, or Kagami gets the crush on Marin first. Either way, she ends up having a friendship with Marin earlier.

Luka: while I could switch the crushes like I did with Kagami, Luka initially interacts with Marin more than Adrienne. Polyship is endgame like usual, but it's lining up as more of a Mariharem. On the other hand, Adrienne might have a closer friendship to Juleka because transgirl solidarity, which would give Adrienne an excuse to be over more and in the process get to known Luka more too.

Now for the real fun plot: Lila.

Because of Lila's manipulative nature, I wouldn't put it past her to pretend to be gay to get the money/power that would come with seducing Adrienne. Especially because while she would pretend to be accepting, she wouldn't see Adrienne as a 'girl'.

However, let's have a twist in the AU and point out that Lila has other options for her 'meal ticket'. After all, everyone in every salt fic has pointed out how Canon!Mari has the same connections that Lila attempts to lie about!

So, Lila decides to try seducing Marin instead. She doesn't know that Marin is trans and that'll be an issue later but for now it's her plan.

Marin still clocks Lila as a liar because while Lila did enough research to avoid telling lies Marin can easily disprove(like the Jagged's cat one), she still did the 'Lordbug's my bff!' Thing. He gives the half-truth to Lila of "Lordbug was upset you would lie about him and is looking for you to tell you to stop".

Volpina happens as in Canon. Except her Illusion at the Eiffel Tower is Marin instead of Adrien. Though the book plot is slightly different. Marin saw Adrienne with the book, Tikki said "we need to get that!", so Marin managed to start a conversation to try and borrow it. Lila stole it because Marin was interested. Marin does manage to get it back and that goes the same.

Lila then disappears for Season 2, so let's jump to her return in Season 3.

As Marin is her target, she tries to get someone else sent to the back. It ends up being Adrienne, because she's nice even if she thinks Lila's a liar(she can't tell anyone "I know she's a liar because I'm Chat Noire"), and offered to give up her seat for someone who needs it for a disability.(and she was actually asked instead of shoved back there without her input).

Marin tries to call Lila out, but he has less proof than in Canon. As I said, since seducing Marin with lies was Lila's plan, she avoided lies he could disprove. So even without the "jealousy", it's easy to write Marin off as just overly paranoid.

Still, Marin refuses to sit by Lila, and instead goes to the back with Adrienne because she looks lonely. Which pisses Lila off.

Later, Lila decides to threaten both Marin and Adrienne. Though separately, of course.

She tells Marin that she already has his friends under her spell, and it would be so easy to turn them against him if he didn't comply. Not to mention that it'd be hard to convince them that he's not interested. After all, as far as they know, Lila is such a sweet and wonderful girl! She's their friend! Even if Marin is into someone else, why would he be so upset about someone like Lila showing interest?

Marin believes in his friends. But he still panics at the threat.

With Adrienne, Lila tries to play nicer because she thinks that she can manipulate her. Lila plays the "I don't want to let a boy get between us", already planning on painting Adrienne as jealous. When Adrienne tries the nicer "I know you're lying but I think you're doing it because you want friends and I'll be your friend if you stop lying. Also what was that about a boy coming between us because idk what you're talking about?!".

Lila lied and told Adrien she'd try, but of course has no intention of doing that.

The Akuma fight goes about the same.

Afterward, Adrienne talks to Marin about her conversation with Lila. Marin is a little more confident in telling Adrienne about Lila's threats. Adrienne is pissed, and tries to stand up for Marin, but is brushed off because Lila already painted her as jealous.

So neither are believed. For Marin, they believe his suspicions of Lila are tunnel vision of his crush on Adrienne combined with insecurity of "if someone likes me it must be for ulterior motives". Meanwhile, everyone knows that Adrienne likes Marin but is denying it with 'he's just a friend!', and think she's jealous of Lila's interest.

How the turntables.

This would change other Lila-centric episodes like Oni-chan and Ladybug, but I'm too tired to deal with that rn.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Debuff Zane Build

i am tired of not seeing this build in all the zane build videos i watch so im sharing it here because its stupid fun bc u run fast and kill faster. it’s not meta, but its fun as fuck and u have a lot of damage and survivability with it. I’ve completed M4 Slaughter Shaft with it- haven’t tried on M10 yet but i have faith. p.s its 4 am pls have mercy if there’s spelling mistakes.

what ur gonna need is a band of sitorak, zheitseiv’s eruption, a seein’ dead, and the piss grenade. everything else is fair game, whatever u want. try to get it to have the sntl cryo anoint bc good. but u must have the 4 main items for this to work perfectly (it also somewhat works with a low level Frozen Heart bc best shield in the game but you will die a lot more)

also i need a fucking name for this build help

oh god oh fuck i forgot i was playing through the handsome jackpot dlc again

oki im ready to party

this is my current loadout

sometimes i switch the reg Q-System for a kaoson or a nighthawkin if i need ammo (OP QSystem is... OP but not as fun as a tracking grenade QSystem so i don’t care for it) and maybe the brainstormer for a reflux if many shielded enemies (i prefer the brainstormer over the reflux atm. so try for a brainstormer!!)

3rd slot, that’s a monarch which used to be a dictator b4 it got a straight upgrade. I actually don’t use the bipod unless im in a boss fight and don’t need to move fast. usually violent momentum and violent violence cover the dps loss

ur first 3 gun slots honestly don’t matter much. I have my reasons for using them, but you can use whatever u want i think, so long as its a strong weapon (bc unfortunately a lot of weapons are not scaled for m10). u dont HAVE to use the monarch or the Q system or the brainstormer. I recommend them, cuz theyre fun, but u don’t gotta if u wanna swap em out for a a kaoson or a yellowcake or a sandhawk or smth

the last gun is my zheitsev’s eruption. This bad boy, when u reload, shoots out homing balls of debuffery. So every enemy that gets hit with these gets a debuff. I have tried this with the needler but I prefer Zheitsev’s bc it can hit more enemies and once and takes less time. this gun only goes to Blane (ur clone). 

for the skill trees we have no points in under cover even tho brainfreeze is the best skill in the gaaaaame

explanations: 

really the hitman tree is p self explanatory, u wanna go fast as fuck boiii. My band of sitorak does not have the +15 movespeed while zoomer is active anoint (it has the break shield amp anoint, which is p okay. want movespeed, but a nice human from the reddit gave me this sitorak so i didn’t have to farm). u want drone delivery bc Blane will NOT be throwing grenades. If you try to make him throw grenades with the seein’ dead he will ONLY throw grenades and never fire his gun, meaning he’ll never reload. it’s a nightmare. anyway. u want the piss grenade (ideally with the +25% damage on thrown anoint). im not looking forward to regrinding this when they finally mayhem buff grenades.

we put one point into playing dirty because we want those extra shots and honestly with the amount of times seein’ dead can proc ur kill skills you’ll have it more often than not

we also have points in good misfortune for that sweet sweet uptime (which btw can be infinite using the brainstormer/reflux bc it is essentially a redistributor without the need for ur barrier) the monarch/dictator also does it justice

for Blane u DON’T WANT praemuntis. we want blane reloading as often as gotdamn possible. now unfortunately my seein’ dead gave me a +weapon mag size roll (im actually not sure if this affects blane, but im assuming it does) but it does have the amazing +5 donnybrook so I’m taking it anyway. I am so not looking forward to regrinding a good class mod when they finally release action skill buffs for them. i cri. i actually hear 3 points in donnybrook and 2 in violent violence is p good (or 1 in violent violence 1 in playin dirty) so maybe grinding won’t be so bad. maybe i’ll finally get a +weapon damage roll

u can grab 1 point in ducttape mod and put 4 points into borrowed time if you want. it doesn’t really matter. i current have 5 in borrowed time and 3 in pocket full of grenades (for some reason??? usually i only put 2 in.). U can do that and use those extra points for either ducttape mod or more points in playing dirty. 

u NEED quick breather. This skill has a STUPID interaction with the band of sitorak shield because of how quickly it recharges. I’m talking, the instant you swap with Blane, you have full shields and so does he. It’s dumb, I love it. Use it to get out of trouble.

so im probably gonna need to explain why i have 3 points in trick of the light: im a cryo slut. That’s it. put those wherever you want, just make sure you can get Double Barrel. i’ve seen builds where people actually go for brainfreeze, i might try that next time i respec.

Double barrel will make it so blane can use the zheitsev’s eruption and debuff your enemies for you. it’s worth it.

so the augments u want are these:

SCHADENFREUDE. because band of sitorak has such a tiny capacity, ur shield is constantly up. If its not, it’s constantly breaking from full capacity. this does have a fun effect with the amp shield break anoint, but mainly i like it for the 25% damage buff whenever it breaks. its a tradeoff for damage, ur constantly swapping between max shields and more damage, so its actually p constant survivability and damage over the long run.

i grab doppelbanger bc blane sometimes gets stuck in the floor and/or i don’t feel like running all the way back. i wouldn’t recommend getting which one’s real or digital distribution only bc u want him alive as much as possible. u can also get binary system instead of doppelbanger, its up to you

for Zoomer u want bad dose for the movement speed and (sometimes) static field (only if the enemies have shields). this is so if blane goes down or he isn’t taking damage, zoomer can refill ur shields. if the enemies won’t have shields usually i grab winter’s drone or boomsday depending on how i feel.

im actually gonna try to see if i can’t grab brain freeze. hang on. i know trick of the light is frowned upon for most people so lemme just respec. (im sorry i just love the vibes it gives me it’s like HAHA you thought that was me? no!!! boop. and then they’re ice sculptures and man i love h2o i wish emma had frozen more people the only people she really freezes are Greg and Miriam and honestly she doesn’t even kill Greg smh. (Greg is dr denman’s assistant. greg is highkey god.) I do like what she did to Mirami, the fucking implications that YES these teenage girls ARE powerful enough to instakill people, they just don’t out of the kindness of their hearts. Rikki was badass that episode too. actually i love the episode where rikki almost boils a dude alive for making a fool of her with ILLEGAL F I S H and burns people using steam from a pipe. rikki is my favorite mermaid- she knew what was u p. I wish mako mermaids was as badass as h2o was. and the cartoon. god imagine the cartoon violence. sigh. let them use their op superpowers to be SUPERHEROES. like in h2o au i have baron flynt puppeteer people to their deaths from Thor bc he has cleo’s powers like why couldn’t she do that to someone. Like dr denman “lmao bye bitch” or even charlotte (who imho wasn’t bad until cleo started being rude to her. cleo was 100% at fault that season). it wouldn’t have killed her!!! ... instantly. probably. ive never seen avatar in full but i did watch the blood bending episode as a child and as i understand it that’s frowned upon but hey. CAN BELLA TURN PEOPLE INTO JELLY?? harry potter 🅱oneless arms... my god.)

anyway, respeccing. 

there goes all my money. rip.

so i think im gonna have to live with the slower reload speed (sob) but yes u can in fact get brain freeze with this build. lemme show...

so ye in the event u just can’t live without freezing people (i know the feeling) feel free to do this. imma play with this for a bit and see if i can live with slower reload. I actually depend on the 100% cryo with zoomer active for all my cryo damage. i also use an ice breaker so they freeze fairly easy (but only on mobs. on bosses u want the snowdrift or something else)

this build isn’t really meta and u might have trouble doing a solo run of true takedown on m10... bc its true takedown on m10, but honestly it’s fun as F U C K. you CAN do it, but it’s not no thoughts head empty like barrier-redistrubutor/yellowcake zane can be so u gotta be on TOP of ur SHIT. i love it. running around killing stuff. it’s fun. i also love teleporting. it’s my FAVORITE THING. I STILL GET GIDDY OVER IT BECAUSE IT’S SO FUN. ask my friends, they will tell you, sometimes i’ll just start gushing over how much fun it is to teleport even though i’ve played zane since release. just. GFDGHKJGDFK so much fun. i just... b o o p. god i love this game. i took a break to play assassin’s creed odyssey (fun sneaky beaky game, pretty awful dialogue) so DAMN i missed this. 

here’s a link to a video I took on athenas (my favorite area to run. it’s this game’s bloodshot stronghold!) this is the playlist i listen to while playing Zane. i keep swapping songs during play bc sometimes they don’t fit my vibe or i get tired of them lol (spotify control is hooked to my 4th and 5th mouse buttons so i don’t have to stop playing) i forgot where my shock sandhawk was in my inventory, is what i use to demolish traunt. i was so scared i threw it in my bank earlier on sanc-iii lol (also yes i still slap blane’s ass. it’s to encourage him to kill)

and here’s a link to the save + everything I had on me at the moment (including the stuff i picked up in the vid in case u want it lol) cuz im lazy and don’t feel like clearing out my inventory. some of these are only m4-9. which ones? it is a mystery. you’ll know when the new update releases ;) (no but actually im so hype for mayhem level on the item cards. finally. FINALLY!!!)

why is this video taking so long to upload. hynnnggggg

oh god is that the sun

[therainroguefanfiction]

⁂ Push Your Limit (Initial D) Act 3

📑 Table of Contents | ◂ Previous

Author’s Note: This is the author’s note I posted once upon a time when I posted this on Quizilla lol I’m starting to realize how cringy I was back then, my god.

“I think this is finally starting to get good (or maybe it’s just me). Was it exciting for you? Did it make you laugh? I’m seriously having fun writing this XD Even if it IS slightly annoying to write out (but that may be due to my stupid freezing retarted dumbass computer) <—- Almost pulled an Iggy~ Have a good Niay (Night + Day = Niay!), Zilla~!”

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“What?! What do you mean Cole got in an accident?!” Iggy was shocked. Tak, who was finishing up with a customer, also had his attention on the one who had delivered the bad news. You were standing next to Iggy, just as worried. “When did it happen?!”

“Last night. He hit the guard rail while coming down Akina.” Kenji explained.

“Was he hurt?”

“Thank you for coming,” Tak bowed to the customer before running over to the trio, just as worried as Iggy and you were for the sake of your friend.

“He’s kind of messed up, but it could have been worse. He’s got whiplash and a bunch of scrapes. He’s really P.O.ed about the whole thing. He may have got by with a few nasty bumps, but I heard his car wasn’t so lucky.”

“What’re we gonna do about Saturday? We got the battle meeting!” Iggy asked.

“Yeah, I know. We’re hosed. Unless we find someone willing to drive for Cole.” Kenji looked down at the ground, knowing that the possibility was extremely slim.

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You and Bunta were sitting in the living room watching TV when Tak came home. Without a word, he started up the stairs. He stopped on the sixth step, suddenly remembering something important. Tak walked back down the steps and into the living room. “Before I forget, I was wondering if I could borrow the car this Sunday?”

“Sunday?” Bunta didn’t even turn to look at Tak. “Uhh, no.”

“But why not? I’ll take care of the morning deliveries before I go anywhere!”

“No, that’s not the problem. There’s a town meeting I wanted to go to this Sunday, so I need the car.”

“A town meeting? That figures.” His hand flew to his mouth and he started thinking out loud, “Now what am I supposed to do?”

“Huh?” Bunta noticed this and started laughing. “I get it. Must be a girl.”

You chuckled. “Definitely,” Tak turned red and you burst out laughing. “Right on the money, Bunta!”

“Mind your own business!” Tak looked away, cheeks still flushed a bright red, “Come on, don’t be so stubborn, just let me use it.” his eyes shifted back to his dad, but the red never left, “It’s just an old piece of crap, anyway. I’m taking it.” he shoved his hands in his pockets and started up the stairs.

“A car can’t go very far without a key, which will be on a string around my neck.” Bunta murmured, causing you to chuckle in amusement.

Tak flew back down the stairs, “That’s not fair!”

“If you want it that bad, oh.. I’ll think about it.”

“You will?” Tak smiled.

“There’s one condition.”

“What’s that?” his smile dropped.

Bunta turned serious, turning to look at his son. “There’s some clown who’s known as the fastest on Akagi. I want you to beat the hell out of him on Akina’s downhill Saturday night.”

You tilted your head to the side, glancing at the old man. ‘So this was his plan? I guess Cole got to him.’

“You want me to do… what?”

“If you do that, the car is all yours on Sunday. Tell ya what, I’ll even throw in a full tank of gas.”

“Full tank of gas? Hmmm.” His hand moved to his chin as his eyes closed in thought.

You didn’t bother looking at him as you sipped your soda. His answer was obvious.

“Well? What’s it gonna be?”

“I’m gonna need to think about it for a little bit,” Tak answered, his hand moving to the bridge of his nose as he climbed the stairs once more.

“That’s fine. Take all the time ya need.” Bunta smiled, knowing he had captured Tak’s interest.

“That’s pretty sneaky, Bunta,” you said once Tak was in his room. “Any hidden intentions I should be aware of?”

“Not really.” he responded lazily, “I want you to go with him, though. Keep him in line.”

You shrugged. “Sure. I’d love to see him beat that blonde idiot into the pavement. With a front-row seat… it’ll be lovely. I should bring some popcorn!”

Bunta chuckled before lighting up a cigarette.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

“I wonder if it’s going to be sunny tomorrow,” Tak wondered, mind elsewhere.

“Why do you bother me with such boneheaded questions? The TV said it was gonna be sunny the whole week.” Iggy answered.

The three of you were walking on the bridge that went over the street, allowing pedestrians to cross the road safely, on your way home from school.

“Why? Do you have special plans?” Iggy questioned, glancing at his best friend.

“I’m going to the beach.”

“Hmm? The beach?” he paused, before freaking out and grabbing the front of Tak’s white school shirt, “AHHHH! You’re cruisin’ to the coast to chill and you’re not taking along your best friend?!” His gaze snapped to you. “Are you going?”

“Nope,” you answered, pulling a cigarette from your pocket.

He turned deadly serious. “Wait a minute…” The seriousness was quickly lost, “You’re going with a babe, aren’t cha? Aren’t cha?!”

“Sort of.”

“Who is she?! Do I know her?! Does she hate me?! Is she fine?! Does she have a nice rack?! What does she look like?!”

“Is that all you care about?” You rolled your eyes.

Iggy looked at you in disbelief. “Duh! If she ain’t cute or have a nice rack, what’s the point?”

“You’re pathetic.”

“You’re just mad that you’re not cute!”

“The fuck you just say to me?!” You growled, grabbing for his shirt, but he ducked away, hiding behind Tak, who wasn’t even paying attention.

“She’s real cute,” Tak answered dreamily. You could practically see the lightbulb appear above Iggy’s head.

“I know… Natalie…”

Tak nodded, smiling sheepishly and scratching his cheek. “Yeah,”

“You should have fessed up man!” Iggy cried.

“I know, it just didn’t seem right to tell her that I wanted you to hang with us. Next time we go, bro, you’re comin’, kay?”

Iggy turned around, crying waterfalls.

Tak sweatdropped, “Will you knock it off?”

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

You and Bunta were sitting in the living room once more, watching the Masked Singer on TV. Tak came in and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.

“So~ You gonna do it?” Bunta asked, not turning to look at his son.

“I guess, but I’m not really into it.”

“Why not? Don’t you think you can win? Just drive like you normally do. You won’t lose.”

Tak sighed, closing his eyes and grabbing his brown bangs with his hand, deep in thought. You watched him closely, waiting for him to utter the response you knew was coming. How could he turn down such an offer? “Fine.”

Bunta sent you a look before removing the key from around his neck and tossing it at him. The three of you stepped out into the cool night air.

Tak got into the driver’s seat, revving up the car as he turned the foglights on. You sat in the passenger seat, feeling relaxed.

“Do I need to take the paper cup with me today?”

You smirked at the comment Tak made.

“You don’t need that cup, you’re not carrying any tofu with ya on this run. This isn’t like your regular runs, so push it as hard as you can.”

“Don’t forget, you said a full tank of gas.”

“I know, I didn’t forget.”

“Alright then, I’m out of here.”

“Good luck. Keep each other safe.”

Tak shifted gears and took off for Mt. Akina.

You glanced at him before turning your attention toward the window. ‘This is going to be so~ interesting,’ you folded your hands behind your head, lips twitching up. ‘And I’m getting a fucking front row seat. I can’t way to see the look on that rich bitch’s face,’

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

* Drifting Terms:

Braking Drift – Upon entering a corner, a driver slightly depresses the brake in order to shift the balance of grip to the front tires, therefore allowing the rear tires to slide into a drift with ease.

Clutch Kick – Depressing the clutch upon entering a corner causes the rear end of the car to kick upwards, shifting the balance of the grip to the front and allowing the driver to perform a drift by swinging the rear around in the corner.

Dirt Drop – Initiating a drift by allowing the rear tires to slide off the road and into the shoulder.

Inertia Drift – An inertia drift is initiated by feinting the car towards the outisde of a corner and quickly steering towards the inside. The resulting rebound of grip initiates a dynamic slide in the normal cornering direction.

Jump Drift – This occurs when a rear tire is bumped off the inside curb of a turn in order to lose traction in the rear, resulting in drift.

Shift Lock – When entering a corner, the driver downshifts and allows the RPM to drop. Upon releasing the clutch, the rear wheels slow due to engine braking, causing understeer.

Side Breaking (E-Brake Turns) – Pulling the E-Brake during cornering causes traction loss in the rear, resulting in oversteer. E-Brake turns are necessary to induce a drift in an FF car.

Straightaway Drifting – A high-speed drift initiated on a straight section of road in order to achieve a maximum drift angle.

━━━━━━༻🌧️༺━━━━━━

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[lisinfleur]

Payment Methods

Author’s Notes | Don't ask me how come this became so big hahaha Pure sex trash! Don't read it!!!  Universe | Vikings Pairing | Hvitserk x Reader Info | Modern AU, Mobster AU, requested by @dreaming-of-never-neverland and @alicedopey for 5CW5 Words | 3028 ⁑ Warnings: NSFW, SMUT included. Mentions of drugs, women exploration, prostitution, unprotected sex, explicit content. Cursing. Daddy kink, Male Dom kink.

"Knock knock, kitten. Payment time. Be a good kitten and open the door so I don't have to break your pretty lock, uh?"

Shit.

Why did that bastard have to be so punctual?

You knew he would come. Hvitserk Ragnarsson never gets late. Not for the delivering, nor for the payment time. You settled with him you would pay the powder he got for you in the last day of the month.

Now there he was with his strong fist hitting your door.

"Hello, kitty, kitty, kitty... I'm getting impatient... Nobody likes me when I'm impatient, love. Open that door, yes? Daddy's home..."

Fucking shit!

"I'm going!" you yelled at the door, trying to search for any remaining money you could have hidden or lost in your messy apartment. "I lost my keys. Just gimme a moment!"

Fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck!

You shouldn't have borrowed that money to your roommate. Now that bitch had left with her brand-new boyfriend and you were fucked!

That's it! Maybe you could tell him she stole you. Maybe he would give you some more time to pay... You were always buying from him. Hvitserk wouldn't be that much of a bastard, right?

"Kitten... You know how much I hate long waiting..." he said, with that hoarse tone that would precede his gun shooting your door's lock if you weren't opening it in the next minute.

"I found it! I found it, I'm sorry," you said, opening the door for him to enter. "I'm sorry..." you insisted as he crossed your door looking around.

Your room was a real mess. He sighed, twisting his lips.

"What a fucking mess you made here, uh, kitten?" he said, pulling out his pack of cigarettes to lit one in his mouth, pulling the smoke before releasing it calmly. "Fine. Where's my money, dear?"

"I... I need a little more time, daddy," you said, calling him that way you were used to calling only when you needed something he didn't want to give you.

Hvitserk sighed. One hand in his pocket, the other holding the cigarette he brought back into his mouth, pulling the smoke again.

"I thought we had a deal, kitten."

Fuck. He was pissed.

And getting a Ragnarsson pissed is everything you DON'T need.

"We had it," his face frowned with the past tense in your words and you immediately changed it, trying to get that pissed expression out of his face. "We have... We have a deal, but... Look!" you opened your arm, showing him the mess all over your place.

The drawers out of the locker, some clothes all over the floor, things messed, spread out. The whole shit your roommate and her damn bastard boyfriend made, getting all her stuff - and some of yours! - while you were too high to really notice they were stealing everything before leaving with your damn money.

"My roommate! That bitch and her boyfriend stole my shit and my money before they fled. I'm cleaner than your damn shirt now, daddy... They left me nothing. Not even my food escaped!" you tried to mourn, seeking for some mercy into his eyes.

But Hvitserk looked around, walking through your mess, taking some stuff out of your couch, then, out of your bed.

He threw everything on your bed away before sitting on it, crossing his legs and looking at you as if he was analyzing something.

"Daddy, please..." you started feeling insecure with his eyes running through you that way. "I just need more time... I swear I'll pay!"

"Oh, you will kitten. For sure you will... Close your door, pretty thing," he said, moving his hand for you to lock your door.

You swallowed dry. What could be passing through his mind now?

The men like Hvitserk were unpredictable and it was terribly scary for a lonely girl like you. If only that bitch didn't have fucked you up... You locked your door as he said, turning back on him, scared.

"Take a seat," he said, pointing your armchair where you sat, swallowing dry. "See... I get you, kitten. The bitch fucked you up, right?"

"Yes," you mumbled, a little more hopeful. "She stole my shit," you insisted.

Maybe he would understand, after all.

"Poor thing... She made a mess with your stuff..." he said.

But you could get the fake pity in his voice. He wasn't really feeling pity for you or anything. He was being sarcastic. You knew that.

"And she stole my money from you, isn't that right?" he said, getting up from your bed and picking up a picture of your roommate with you from your nightstand. "Is this the whore?"

Your spine went cold.

Ok. You were fucking pissed off with your roommate, but you didn't want her to end up dead or any stuff like this.

"Daddy, you don't need to..."

"I made you a question, kitten," he insisted, serious. "Is this the whore?"

You swallowed dry, nodding. Seeing when he picked up his phone and sent a pic of your photo to someone else.

"Daddy, she... she just messed up, you don't need to hurt her. I'll..."

"Shh." Hvitserk came closer, touching your lips when he lowered himself to look into your eyes "The money she stole from you was mine, kitten. No one steals from me. Don't worry. I won't kill your little sneaky friend. She has a juicy body and I'm sure we can teach her pretty good ways to make some money by herself so she won't have to steal from anyone ever again."

Shit! She was so fucked...

Literally fucked, you could bet.

"However..." his tone changed and you knew...

She wasn't the only one.

"You still owe me, kitten."

"D... Daddy, I..." you were ready to start with a lot of excuses, but instead of letting you talk, Hvitserk slid two of his fingers into your mouth, slowly, silencing you and looking straight into your eyes.

"You see... Just like her, you're pretty as well, kitten," he continued, moving his fingers slowly against your tongue while licking his lower lip to moisture it and keep talking. "And I may think there are different ways for you to pay what you owe me."

You knew what he was talking about.

Well... It wouldn't be such a sacrifice. Hvitserk was a handsome man. A fucking handsome man... And that sexy smile on his face kinda made you horny with the idea that powerful man must be suggesting to fuck you that openly.

You decided to try, softly sucking the fingers he put into your mouth and the smile on his face became bigger, more devilish.

"Such a good kitten... I'm pretty sure you won't mind paying me today, will you, pretty thing?"

You sucked his fingers a little stronger in agreement and his free hand nestled in your nape, holding your head by your hair, caressing it before putting your strands in a strong grip.

"I have a better place for you to use this silky mouth, kitten," he said, taking his fingers out of your mouth to open his trousers, releasing a hard and fat cock he placed near your lips. "Suck it, babe."

You did as he said, opening your mouth and embracing his cock with your lips, sucking him more hunger when his voice echoed in a hoarse moan that shivered you entirely.

"Fucking good! Just like that, little girl, suck him whole."

His hand on the back of your neck started forcing your face against his hips, kinda making you swallow his whole length. It wasn't easy and you gagged against his tip, but you were sure you never felt so horny in your whole life.

Hvitserk started rocking his hips into your mouth and you felt yourself throbbing in the middle of your legs. Now both of his hands were holding your head, keeping your mouth in the right position for him to fuck it and you couldn't avoid moaning against him.

"Yeah... Pretty good, kitten!" he praised, fucking your mouth faster, getting some sounds from your throat while you were wetting his whole length against your tongue. "Fuck yeah... Get up and take these clothes off. Daddy wants to fuck this pretty pussy of yours."

One of his hands pulled your head slowly from his shaft, allowing you to suck his whole length before popping his dick out of your mouth. The other hand slapped your butt as soon as you got up from your chair and you watched as he got rid of his shirt, stroking his cock wet of your saliva while getting rid of any obstacles to what he wanted.

Hvitserk didn't get fully naked, but you had a beautiful view of his tattooed torso while he was conducting you to your bed. His free hand pulled your blankets, cleaning the whole bed in a single pull before getting you going upon your mattress.

"On all fours, like a good kitten, go," he demanded, standing behind you to look at your naked body as you did what he said.

It was kinda humiliating being so exposed, but the touch of his hands was so firm and warm, exploring your butt cheeks, opening them before slapping the sides of your ass... It was...

Good.

Strangely good.

"Look at this pretty ass..." he praised, slapping your butt once again, and again while speaking. "You listen to me closely..."

It was hard to listen clearly with his thick fingers being slid in between your folds that way, but you tried to control yourself and focus on his words instead of his index rubbing your clit that delicious way.

"I gonna have my way with you today... And I'll fuck this pretty pussy and this beautiful ass of yours in every fucking way I want. When I'm tired of cumming on you, then your debt will be paid and we gonna talk about a small deal I may want to propose to you... But only if you’re a good girl. Will you be a good girl to daddy?"

You cried a positive answer when he slid his fingers into you, curling them deep inside, brushing your sweet spots so good that your legs almost lost the strength.

Hvitserk grinned and you felt his thumb touching and starting to pressure your butt hole.

"Let us start with what is driving me crazy...".

You heard the characteristic sound of spit and felt some wetness sliding down your butt cheeks before his thumb started spreading it all over your hole, making you anxious.

You didn't remember ever trying that way before and Hvitserk didn't miss the tension in your muscles when he started pushing his finger into your tight entrance.

"Just relax, sweet kitten. This is gonna be good... The more you relax, the easier you'll take my cock into this sweet little hole of yours."

More dirty words. Everything on him was so dirty and low! And yet, there were you, moaning with his fingers filling both of your entrances while you were hiding your blushed face against your pillows.

He took some time like that, just spitting from time to time in your butt, pushing the wetness inside with his fingers penetrating both of your channels, sometimes losing some time just licking or rubbing your clit to make you wetter - something he was getting pretty easy from your horny body.

When his fingers were sliding easy into you, you felt him climbing up on the bed, straightening himself behind you and adjusting your position in front of him. It didn't take long for the touch of his fingers to be replaced by the hot tip of his hardened cock against your butt hole.

"Push me out, kitten," he mumbled. "It will make it easier..."

"Easier". Not "easy". Not at all!

To take his whole length into your tighter channel was the hardest thing you ever did. Hvitserk was eager, so he didn't make too many pauses, getting his cock almost entirely sunk into your butt in a few movements before laying over your back warming your whole body as you were trying to breath.

"Fuck!" you cursed in between your teeth, trying to keep in mind he could have shot in the middle of your eyes instead of giving you a chance to pay for what you owed him... "You're fucking thick!"

He giggled, and you felt his hips moving slowly, burning your hole with small movements of his thickness against your walls.

"That's good to hear, girl," he growled in your ear, one of his hands pulling your head back by your hair just to make it easier for him to speak near your ear shell. "You're going great, little girl. It won't take too long if you keep taking me like that. Now relax..."

That wasn't good. But it wasn't completely bad at all. Hvitserk had one of his hands rubbing your clit and your folds all the time as his hips were rocking against your butt, sliding his cock against your burning virgin walls, senselessly.

You cursed your whole vocabulary of swearing, but it only seemed to get him hornier.

At some moment, you felt his cock twitch into you and you swore he would tear your body in two when his arm embraced your waist and his voice sounded hoarser into your ear.

"Hold on tight, kitten. Daddy gonna fill you up like a sweet pie now..."

"Fuck!" was all you managed to say when he slammed his hips against your butt, pushing himself deep inside before you could feel loads of his cum slowly making your butt hole warm.

"Shit, girl... You're so good... I think you deserve some reward," he mumbled while slowly taking his half-hardened cock out of your butt, causing you to breathe deeply in pure relief of feeling your body's entrance slowly coming back to the normal size.

His heavy hands turned your body at the bed, laying your back on the mattress and opening your legs wide. Still breathing, you didn't notice when his face disappeared in the middle of your legs until he started suckling on your sensitive clit unexpectedly, filling the whole room with your moans of bliss.

Fuck the pain! That man was a god with his tongue! He managed to get you cumming for him twice in less than twenty minutes licking you whole!

Dizzy, you saw him licking his fingers and cleaning the small beard on his chin of your juices.

"Such a sweet kitten," he said, licking his lips and laying upon you before you could feel your throbbing channel being filled with his hardness. "Fuck... So warm, babe!"

There wasn't a previous warning. Just his cock filling your oversensitive body, his hips slamming against yours, and the sound of your voice mixing with the headboard of your bed hitting the wall behind the two of you.

You totally forgot the condoms... You didn't even remember to ask if he had any!

From your butt to your pussy, from your holes to your mouth, Hvitserk spent the whole evening and half of the night mounting you like a stallion rutting on a mare's heat. The bastard lasted longer than any partner you ever had and you were barely conscious when he finally came one last time into your mouth, making you suck him clean and swallow every single drop of his pleasure before rolling to your side, lighting a cigarette.

"You're fucking good, kitten," he mumbled, pulling the smoke by your side.

You were loose over your bed like a sweaty used doll, still feeling a mix of the burning sensation in your butt and the throbbing pleasure of your cunt. Your eyes staring the ceiling as your mind was asking itself why the fuck it was so damn good.

You should be slapping his face for charging you in sex and treating you like a whore. You should have spat on his face for barely suggesting you pay your debts with sex!

And yet, you were there, staring the ceiling, with his scent all over your skin, feeling like a slut.

A satisfied and well-fucked slut.

"'bout that proposal..." he started, getting your attention. "You owe me nothing, but well, you have nothing as well, kitten. Your bitchy friend stole everything you could have and I'm sure I'm not the only asshole who will want to fuck your pretty body for the things you need to live."

His words were hitting hard. Your friend has stolen everything valuable in your room and thinking straight, you didn't have anything not even to eat and recover from that marathon under him...

"You see, I'm not asking you for a relationship or any romantic shit like that... But I like the sound of your voice moaning my name, kitten. I could have it more times... I surely could."

"Are you suggesting me to be your bitch?" you put things clearly and he giggled by your side, looking at you.

"I give you what you need. Anything. Your stuff, a place, clothes, food, panties... All the shit you need, no charges. All you have to do is be ready for me when I want to repeat this night." he said, speaking clearly this time.

You were fucked. Your things were stolen and you knew without anyone to have your back, you would end up on the streets, doing the same he wanted for pretty less than Hvitserk was offering to you.

At least, he wasn't such a jerk and the sex was pretty good for you as well.

What did you have to lose?

"Deal," you mumbled, looking at him.

Seeing the smile on his face becoming bigger when he straightened himself on the bed, finishing his cigarette and pulling you closer, nestling himself to rest.

"Good, kitten. Get some rest. Tomorrow we'll take you outta this shitty place," he said, sliding one of his hands to cover your breast, nestling his face into your neck and breathing deeply, comfortable.

You sighed.

It really wasn't what you thought your life could be, but well... You could handle it. And in the end, it wasn't that bad at all.

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[deadsy-doodle-blog]

PUNK ROCK RUINED MY LIFE

SECTION NINE

      The next few days were slow, and Grim drudged the week he’d be out of school staying with his mother. He got home from school that Wednesday and packed his bag with some clothes for a week and the gift he had for his little sister. His mother soon showed up with Sara. His mother was dressed in a sweater that was a hint see through and some very tight leggings and her biggest hoop earrings, he rolled his eyes not thinking that she had changed at all. Grim threw his stuff into the back seat of her car and sat in the front seat with his arms folded. Sara was already sitting in the back, excited to see her brother as their mom was talking to their grandmother for a few moments.

      “Has mom been better lately?” he asked his little sister looking straight forward.

      “Yeah. We go places sometimes, she takes me out with her and get food.” She said happily.

      “Good.” He said as his mother came toward the car. She got in and started it. She backed out of the driveway slowly and turned the car toward the road to  the highway to go to their small trailer park.

      “Mrs. Hannaway asked me if you could shovel her driveway and steps when we get home.” She said looking at Grim.

     “I always used to.” He said shrugging.

      “Ours too.” She said in addition.

      “Why don’t you just salt it?” Grim asked as the snow started to fall and the storm brewed.

      “That’s too expensive.” She said shaking her head.

      “Not really, you can get it for like ten bucks at the grocery store.” He said shaking his head.

      “That’s a nice coat.” His mother said looking at him and sort of grabbing at the fabric on his sleeve spattered in multiple stains and patches.

     “I’ve always had this.” He said with a glare at her. She released a tired sigh and pulled a cigarette out and lit it up, rolling her window down and steering simultaneously. They were silent on the rest of the car ride until they got home. Grim went next door to the trailer house the old woman lived in and asked to borrow her shovel. He quickly shoveled the snow from her walkway and driveway, then did the driveway and stairs of his mother’s trailer. Once it was dark Grim’s nose was running and his fingers were numb but the snow was shoveled aside. He returned the shovel and walked back home with a plate of cookies and hot chocolate mix in return.

      “Jesus it’s freezing in here.” He said taking his coat off moments after walking into his childhood hell hole.

      “Buck up.” His mother said as she was putting her own on and grabbing her keys.

      “Where are you going?” Grim asked.

      “Out, gotta get more smokes, and I’ll bring back some food.” She said heading out the door. Sara sat on the couch with her worn out blanket bundled up around her.

      “Let’s turn up the heater a little. This is bull shit.” He said rolling the sleeves of his long sleeve up and messing with the thermostat. He listened for a while, not hearing it turn on.“Fucking pilot’s out.” He said in a grumble going to the kitchen to find some matches. He stuck a few and finally lit the pilot and the heat started to fill the house.

      “Sara, you don’t need to sit in the dark.” He said turning the lamp light on. She looked cold still. “Go get your pajamas on.” Grim said to her kindly. “I’ll make you some hot chocolate.” She excitedly left the room as Grim went into the kitchen and heated up some water in the microwave while he also brewed some coffee.

     Sara came and sat on the floor in the kitchen with her worn out teddy bear, which used to be Grim’s. She was wearing one of his old shirts from when he was a kid. He handed an old mug full of sweet chocolate with marshmallows to her and poured himself some coffee in his own. He sipped it black and sat on the floor with his sister. “It’s gonna get better.” He said sweetly to her, hugging her shoulder.

      “I’m okay.” She said softly.

      “sis, I’m sorry I left you. I just hope that mom’s been able to provide for you better now that I’m gone.” He said looking at her.

      “You make her mad. She’s always stressed out.” The seven year old said to her older brother.  “She said you ran away because you hate us.” She said looking sad.

      “I don’t hate you. I just don’t have any respect for mom. She doesn’t have any self control. She seems better now. I thought maybe if I wasn’t here to cost money and do all of the work for her she might step up a little.” He said. Sara got up and went into the front room with her hot chocolate.“Does she still bring guys home?” Grim asked.

      “Sometimes. She drinks a lot more now.” She said looking saddened again.

     “Is she mean to you?” Grim asked.

     “No.” she said shaking her head.

     “She was mean to me, I think it’s because I look like my dad.” He said.

     “Grim, who is our dad?” she asked looking at his green eyes from over her mug.

     “Sara, we have different dads. I don’t know who mine is at all, mom’s been with too many guys to know for sure.” He said honestly.

     “Why doesn’t he live with us?” she asked. “We’d be better with a mom and a dad.” She said confused. “All the other kids in my class have both.” She said a little frustrated.

      “Sis, they probably don’t even know we exist.” He said honestly, seeing some tears well up in her eyes.

       “You’re lying!” she said getting emotional. “Mom said you’re a liar!” she said getting up and storming off to her room.

      “Sara, you don’t understand!” Grim yelled at her as she fled the conversation.

     “you’re a liar! My dad is going to come and everything will be okay!” she yelled. Grim stormed up to her room livid that his mother was brainwashing his little sister against him while he was gone.

      “I am not a liar! Our dads don’t even know we were born because our mother is so much of a fucking whore that she probably doesn’t even remember who knocked her up in the first place! She probably couldn’t tell you who your dad even is! He’s not coming to be a part of this family, because we are not a family!” Grim said going red in the face as he screamed. Sara was crying hysterically on her bed now.

     “I thought that’s how babies were born, when people love each other.” She bawled.

     “Mom doesn’t know what love is. We were only born because sex feels good, Sara. That’s the only reason. We are both accidents in mom’s life. We weren’t planned.” He said trying to calm down, taking deep breaths to try and soothe that familiar pounding in his ears of a stress headache. He breathed deeply for a moment as Sara stared into space. He huffed out and ran his hand through his long hair. He looked behind his shoulder and walked into the room. He shut the door and sat on her bed. “Sar, do you understand where babies come from?” he asked her.

      “People love each other and…I don’t know.” She said looking frustrated.

     “Don’t tell mom that I told you, in fact don’t tell anyone. I just want you to understand why I said all of that.” He said to his baby sister. She curled up in a ball in her blanket, not wanting to look at him.

     “People don’t need to love each other to have a baby.” He started calmly. “Babies come from having sex.” He said holding his head in his hands, embarrassed.  She jumped at the word, knowing it was bad, she looked up at his uncomfortable face. “Do you know what it is?” Grim asked. She hesitantly shook her head no. “they get naked and do stuff, they kind of mix different germs and sometimes it makes a baby grow inside the girl.”

      “But aren’t germs on everything?” she asked more confused.

      “yeah, but these are kind of special kind. They have to put their body parts together to mix them…” he said starting to look mortified. She looked at him confused still. He groaned and looked up at the ceiling in frustration “Okay, you know boys and girls are different, right?” he asked, she nodded. “The boy parts have to go inside the girl parts.” He explained with his fist and finger. She looked horrified. Probably scarred for life, but at least its better coming from him than their mother, he thought.

      “for christ’s sake.” He said wiping his forehead. “That’s how it works, it feels really good and mom does it for fun, not for love.” He said shaking his head. “Those guys she brings home all of the time, that’s what they’re doing in her room.” He said scratching his neck.

     “So, she made us for fun, not because she wanted us?” Sara asked looking tearful again.

      “Yeah, Sarah. She’s an addict to that feeling, and I’m sure she cares about us and all, but that’s why we don’t have a dad. She doesn’t want to be married or with the same person for very long.” He said biting his lip with his brows raised, hoping that she could understand a little better now. He heard the door slam out in the front room.

    “Don’t tell.” Grim said looking at her with stern wide eyes. She nodded her head and followed him out of her room. Grim grabbed his coffee from the table and took a sip.

     Their mother was sitting a bottle of tequila on the counter with three Styrofoam boxes, a six pack, and she tapped a new pack of smokes on her wrist as she threw her keys down.

    “looks like you went on a real fuckin spree.” He said nudging Sara to take some food. She lit her cigarette and smiled.

    “Sure as hell did. We’re getting trashed tonight.” She said taking a long puff from the cigarette.

    “Oh god, how can you do that? Smoke before eating tacos then chasing it with tequila? What the fuck?” he said taking his box from the stack.

   “I’m a hard bitch.” She laughed.

    “Sé que eres una perra.” Grim said with a roll of his tongue as he was getting a fork. She pushed the ash end of her cigarette on his hand. “What the fuck, mom?” he asked jumping away.

    “Don’t talk to me like that. You should be grateful, you little asshole. Did your grandma teach you that?” She said getting a shot glass down, Grim’s gray ears pinned back to his mop of hair as he left the room quietly. They ate in silence watching television. After a while Sara went to bed and Grim sat on the shabby loveseat as his mother was curled up on the couch.

     “I see you got the pilot to light.” She said as the heater kicked on. 

     “What the fuck is your problem?” Grim asked edgily.

     “I could ask you the same.” She said glaring up at him.

     “No really, what is it about me that you hate so god damn much?” he asked.

     “You’re a mean, back talking, condescending little prick with a god complex.” She said taking a shot of tequila and grimacing.

    “I mean before that.” Grim said brushing her insults off.

    “What do you mean? You’ve always been a dick.” She asked.

    “Even as a kid you treated me like shit. Burning me with your cigarettes, yelling at me when I didn’t do anything, what the hell?” he asked. She stayed quiet for a moment, and nervously took a drink again. “I have a right to know. You don’t treat Sara like this thank god. Is it because of my dad?” he asked.

    “You don’t know your dad.” She said drinking the last of her glass. She got up and brought the bottle and another shot glass out. She sat it in front of Grim and poured him a shot. He looked at her oddly. “What? You already drink anyway, why not at home?” she asked taking the rest of the shot she was sipping.

     “Answer my question.” He said picking up the glass and slamming it down his throat.

    “I told you, you have no idea who he is.” She said turning the channel.

     “Yeah, but you did.” He said looking at her as he poured more into his glass.

    “He was abusive.” She said looking up at him after a long pause of silence. Grim stayed soundless for a few moments, taken by surprise that she was actually going to talk to him.

    “One night stand, right? Who cares, he was a little rough.” Grim said shrugging.

    “No, Grim, your father was my last real relationship. He wasn’t a hook up, he was my boyfriend for a year and a half.” She said more seriously.

    “So, what did he know about me? Did he leave? Did he hurt you?” he asked.

    “We broke up because he was abusive, he stalked me and would follow me after that. I had restraining orders and everything and he still found ways to mentally abuse me. He’d send me letters, and watch my house…and one night he followed me at night and raped me.” She said shaking a bit. Grim stayed silent and looked at the floor. “I wanted an abortion, but I couldn’t afford it, and my mother begged me.” She said holding her arm. She took a gulp of her drink. Grim poured himself some more. They stayed silent for a long time.

     “I remind you of him.” Grim said quietly.

     “You do. You look just like him, you sound just like him, and every time I look at you I remember all of that pain I went though and how scared I was. I was forced to give birth to my rapist’s child.” She said quietly.

     “Do you know how unfair that is to me?” Grim uttered in her stillness. “Right from the beginning, all you have felt for me is hate for the fault of another guy.” He said shaking his head.

     “I never meant to. It’s just so hard.” Tears ran down her face into her glass.

     “Oh yeah, real fucking hard to learn not to hit your kid, or burn them, or remember to feed them.” He said ragefully bubbling up again. He got up and walked to his room.

     “Grim.” She said quietly.

     “No, go fuck yourself.” He said shutting his door. He rolled up on his bed and sobbed for a bit. The tequila fueled the flow of his tears, the salty taste a reminder of all of the shit going through his mind. He stayed in his room until around noon the following day.

    His mother pushed his door open quietly as he was sleeping and sat beside him on the bed. She touched his arm softly, he jumped, startled.

    “What are you doing in my room?” he asked pushing away from her

    “It’s my house, technically it’s my room.” She said defensively.

    “what do you want?” he asked with his heavy eyelids hanging low in misery and dry from hours of alcohol exaggerated tears and a hangover.

     “I just wanted to check on you, make sure you’re okay.” She said looking meek.

      “I’m fine.” He said coldly. She looked around the room sadly.

     “I guess you’ll want to take this stuff with you when I take you back.” She said quietly looking around the room, places where he had torn wallpaper off, his posters plastered crooked on the walls.

     “Yeah, I guess.” He said quietly.

      “I didn’t mean to upset you last night.” She said looking at his green eyes.

      “last night isn’t what’s bothering me.” He said shaking his head.

       “I’m a horrible mom, I know. I’ve always been afraid of you.” She said quietly.

       “Afraid isn’t what I’d call it. It’s spite.” He said curling up in the corner of the bed.

       “I just knew what you were.” She said shaking.

        “what I was? What I was was a baby, a child, that you took responsibility for. Don’t play the guilt card on me.” He said bitterly.

       “I didn’t ask or plan to get pregnant, Grim, I was raped, I brought a child into the world that was half victim and half rapist.” She said shaking her head.

       “Don’t fucking talk about me that way, oh yeah big sob story from twenty years ago about how you were the victim for a few minutes. I’ve been the victim my whole life. Does it give you closure, or power to do what you did to me?” he asked.

       “I don’t know.” She said getting emotional. “I just keep getting wrapped up in memories every time I looked at you.” She said with tears falling.

        “I didn’t ask to look like my dad, I didn’t’ ask to be abused, I didn’t ask to be born into this life, I didn’t ask to be born at all. I’m nothing to you but regret.” He said between his teeth. “and you dare to play the victim here? After telling me that I should have been aborted? That you can’t stand even being around me? When I have done nothing wrong, and had my innocence destroyed due to your neglect and abuse.” She had tears falling once more. “Why are you even opening up to me about it?” Grim said glaring at her.

        “Like you said, you have the right to know, and I’ve been going to a councelor lately.” She said wiping the tears from her face.

         “I’m glad.” He said shaking.

        “I’m trying to be better.” She said brushing her hair out of her face.

         “The damage is done, mother. I’m always going to be fucked up because I have been for years already. As soon as I’m eighteen don’t even bother any more, I wont be coming around.” He said in a harsh voice.

          “Can we just try to get along, just for the holiday? One really good year?” she asked.

         “The first and last, I’m sure.” He said looking at her. She nodded and got up. She left the room sniffling. Grim rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, fueled by depression.

[seouliloquy]

It seems like everyone is having a really rough time lately. I don't find comfort at all in knowing that I'm not alone, though. I don't know how anyone could, to be honest. But today is turning out to be a really shitty day.

Previously I had written about a problem with my tuition payments. I had anticipated getting a scholarship, but I didn't. So I had no choice but to apply to make payments in installments. However, the deadline for that application was also the deadline for sending tuition, which I waited until the end for my tuition payment stub online to show the reduction with the scholarship but it never did. So...i missed the deadline to apply for the installment payments as well. So on the very next day I went first thing in the morning to my global services office (since i'm technically an International Student) and they told me to go to my department office to ask if they could contact the financial services center and get them to allow me to apply a day late.

They never said I couldn't apply, and they didn't make a call. Instead, they told me that there was a 2nd period to apply, which started today, 9/11 until 9/13. So I was like okay, great and waited until today to send in the application. Turns out there was a language miscommunication (goddamn my Korean for not being good enough) and it wasn't a 2nd period to apply for the installments, it was a 2nd period to send the tuition. So, when i went to the department office again today to ask why my application wasn't working they were like "oh well you missed the deadline over a week ago of course you can't apply" and I'm like 'but you told me that i could apply today during the 2nd round" and they were like Oh...shit....no that's not what i said at all and we realized the serious misunderstanding I had because of fucking 2 words....! and they were like, there's nothing you can do except send the tuition by wednesday...

and i'm like, I have enough to pay half of it, but where do you expect me to come up with 2,000 dollars in 2 days? And even if i could some how miraculously find a way to borrow from a family member in the USA it would take longer than two days to make a wire transfer...

well then, take a semester off. no, i can't. if i apply for a semester off, i lose my visa and therefore would have to leave the country. forgoing student visa would result in me not just "taking a semester off" but actually dropping out of school, and then in order to come back I'd have to completely re-apply to school all over again, and the chances of getting accepted again are not so high, according to some people I know who made the mistake of thinking they could take semesters off like regular native students do...plus the cost and time of all that paperwork...and i'd have to leave the country. I have no where to go in the USA since i moved out of my parent's home years ago and they can't afford to take care of me...i'm a full grown adult and US healthcare is awful and i wouldn't have any health insurance to cover my Lupus treatments...it would just be a giant disaster....and i live with someone who relies on me for paying half the living expenses I can't just up and leave suddenly because of this stupid problem with just a deadline....!!!

so i was having a full-blown, completely internalized panic attack.

and then what happens, i get stupid and i start mulling, trying to figure out why my stupid ex boyfriend messaged me a few days ago casually asking how I am, pretending like he didn't leave me alone in the middle of the night to be assaulted and harassed by some old man and then dragged to the police station until 4in the morning, how he didn't completely leave me hurt and vulnerable and also ruined my best friend's birthday party and completely embarrassed me in front of my friends and other guests at her party, and he wasn't even sorry about it, and blamed me because of the argument we had when he left me there, which he started to begin with when i was trying to make him get over it and grow up! Plus i'm on my fucking period, I was running back and forth all day between offices and waiting around stressing about what to do, what the worst could happen, and i'm missing my classes and it's only the 2nd week of school, and missing classes affects my attendance which affects my grade and thus affecting my chances to get a 4.1 this semester so I can get a fucking scholarship next semester and not have to worry about this bullshit....

I was fucking pissed at him for thinking he had the right to even inquire about my wellbeing, when the way I see it, the moment he looked at me sitting on the curb crying, turned his back on me and got in that cab he lost all rights to even think about my wellbeing at all. So while i was sitting there waiting my fate at school, i raged at him. I told him how dare he think he has so much as half a right to speak to me let alone wonder how I am, how dare he act like we’re old friends who hadn’t spoken in a long time. I told him much i hated him, and how i wish he would get hit by a bus and die. how the world would be better off without his stupid existence. how i don’t care about him and how i’m better off without his pathetic, petty, narcissistic entitled ass giving me more problems than i need. and how yeah my life isn’t perfect or fantastic but it’s certainly better than when he was around. i told him how I seriously do hope he dies, and what did he say to me? "my lawyer just told me that what you just said I can use to sue you. "

LIKE WTF ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? I told O and she burst out laughing.

you are a successful, college-degree-less hedge fund investor living it up with your new plastic girlfriend who isn't even pretty and probably only likes you because of your money (cause you certainly don't have a lovable personality, that's for sure) and you wanna sue your broke ass ex girlfriend for hating you. How narcissistic can you be? sorry princess, not everyone has to love you. And you want to argue with me that you have the right to inquire about how i’m doing because of freedom of speech and how you can talk to whomever you want? well then SO DO I, I have the RIGHT to tell you what I think about you. How stupid and low and self-centered, entitled son of a bitch cunt of a useless person can you be????? His poor miserable mother would have saved herself and the world a lot of trouble if she had aborted him. I was just so shocked...and also scared.  People in Korea who have money have a lot of power. They can do whatever they want, and the police in this country don’t give a shit about women or foreign women either so of course the man who claims to “feel threatened” in this situation is still going to have an advantage over the “barbarian foreign girl making death threats” um....I never said that I would waste my time attempting to kill you or arrange your death so I don’t know how that’s a threat but OKAY but WTF I know how this country’s legal system is complete shit when it comes to real justice and i wouldn’t be surprised if somehow the court would be laughing at this guy for doing something so stupid and petty but would just give him what he wants because he’s got money. UGH.

After hours of stressing I was able to figure out a solution to my tuition problem and it's in the works, and even though i'm glad things worked out, i've blocked my ex's ass like i should have ages ago, and i'm pissed that he actually is threatening to sue me and get me kicked out of the country...for expressing my feelings. If he claims to have a right to talk to whoever he wants because of freedom of speech, i have the right to speak my mind and tell him how much i hate him and how much I believe he doesn't deserve to live.

I really still just want him to hurt so much. more than I did after he abandoned me like that.....even if that means contracting a venereal disease or being crippled by a bus. I just want him to hurt. It's not fair for him to be living so carefree and happily, rolling around in his money while i'm struggling to survive, and trying my best to love myself and look out for what's best for me and be happy and keep focusing on my goals to finish school and be successful in my own way and then he thinks he can just stroll casually back into my life tralala like he did nothing wrong. He needs to feel pain, and be punished for what he did. It’s just not fair......

yeah, i wish i had more money so i could worry less about financial issues like this. but i'm not envious of him. I don't care about fancy cars or an upscale apartment in the fancy part of the city...but i wish i could just be happy and have the time and energy to do the things that I love, and be able to nurture good solid relationships with people who matter, be able to afford my damn healthcare and be able to love myself fully and be loved too and not have to deal with garbage like him and all my other exes and the evil people in this world who have tried to take advantage of me and hurt me.

I want revenge and I also just want peace and I'm SO. FUCKING. TIRED of this.

[brittysaucefanfic]

Acting is Easy, Loving is Harder

Part 2

(First)(Next)(AU)(AO3)

Lance walks half blind into the coffee shop.

He just woke up after a fourteen hour sleep, and things are still a bit slow to process. He rubs at his eyes with a yawn, careful to keep his shades from falling. He doesn't care for anonymity, the sun is just bright today. The door to the coffee shop opens with a ring of a bell, and Lance trips on his way past the threshold.

Lance slips off his shades as the sunlight is slightly blocked by the building interior, and he makes his way to the order counter. The barista, a tired looking teenage girl half asleep on her feet, looks up at him and Lance watches as she visibly lights up. She plays it off while she’s making his order, but after that it’s like all bets are off. 

Coffees in hand, Lance is bombarded for pictures and autographs, to which he gladly obliges. 

He’s running later than intended when he sets off for the set, still yawning and sipping his coffee, carrying five more in one hand and in the crook of his arm. He wants to make a good impression, so he bought everyone coffee, and tipped that barista a couple hundred. Not like he’s hurting for money all that much in the first place anyways. 

The set is huge, probably bigger than any other filming set Lance has ever been allowed onto, let alone acting a big part in. He gets so turned around he isn’t even sure if he’s on the right set anymore. Lance looks around blearily, looking for someone who doesn’t look extremely busy to give him some directions back to the spot for his meet and greet.

That, of course, was his first mistake.

Lance collides coffee first with a blunt surface and crashes to the ground. He rubs his head with a wince, looking down at his coffee stained clothes as he tries to get his bearings all over again. Hopefully no one saw him walk face first into a wall, how embarrassing.

“What the hell?” A voice says, coming from where the supposed ‘wall’ was supposed to be. “Watch where you’re going newbie!” 

Lance looks up, slightly more confused than he would prefer to be. He’s almost always confused in some way, English being his second language and all, but still. The supposed ‘wall’ is actually a person, a pretty male. 

Long, inky black hair that brushes the nape of his neck, slightly soaked at the ends with coffee. Violet-blue eyes with blown wide pupils, creased into a narrow squint. Strong body, mainly in the shoulders. He’s scowling, and it looks kind of familiar. It takes Lance a moment to realize the hot rude guy is one of his co-stars. It’s Keith Kogane, Hollywood’s resident mystery man. 

Great, his co-star is a jackass. 

“I’m sorry?” Lance says, because he isn’t rude, and he knows he probably should have looked where he was going, but he’s just exhausted. A ‘concert crash’, which is what he calls the feeling of coming off a concert- or multiple in this case- is truly a bitch. It leaves him tired, groggy, jet lagged if he crosses time zones. Which he did. The crash just drains him of all energy. Normally he’d take two days to recuperate, get back on his feet and all, but he has to get to filming.

“You should be.” Keith says, tugging at his coffee stained shirt with a deep grimace. “If you want to make it anywhere in this business, pay attention to what the fuck you’re doing.” 

Lance creases his brow in confusion. He’s been apart of this ‘business’ since he was a kid just out of diapers. Who the hell does Keith think Lance is? Realization sets upon him then, that Keith doesn’t recognize him. 

“I think there’s been some sort of miscommunication here.” Lance starts, but Keith ignores him and saunters off with grumbles in his throat. He walks in a completely different direction from his original course, which suggests he might be going to change clothes. Lance sighs, looking at his own sticky cloths with a crinkled nose. 

Whatever, he’s worked with plenty of divas in this line of work, what’s one more?

Lance readjusts his travel bag, a small backpack with clean clothes and toiletries. Just a carry-on sized bag really, so he had his supplies with him at least. Too bad the only clean clothes he owns at the time is a fancy suit. God, he’s going to melt in this heat, especially after spending a couple months traveling the northern parts of the northern hemisphere. His body is used to the cold now, so this suit will just suffocate him until he can re-adjust.

Lance sneaks off to a secluded building, locks the door, and changes into his suit. 

When he reemerges from his impromptu dressing room, he locates someone who points him in the way of his meet and greet at last. Lance walks almost dejectedly, tired, sore, and now smelling like coffee and sweat. He finally locates the building he is supposed to be meeting his coworkers in, and straightens his shoulders with a practiced smile.

The door opens with a slight pressure, and the quiet chatter in the room silences as he comes into full view. Hunk is the first person Lance sees, who beams at him from a couch. Hunk struggles to get up from his spot on the circle of couches then runs to Lance and picks up off the floor in a bone crushing hug. Lance doesn’t even get the chance to say his greetings before the breath is squeezed out of his chest by force. 

“Lance! Buddy! You’re here! It’s been so long! How was the tour? How was the flight in? Why do you smell like coffee? Oh I’ve missed you!” Hunk says all in one breath. Lance pats Hunk on the back as he struggles to breath through his compressed chest. Shiro laughs from the couches.

“Okay Hunk, I think you’re killing him.” Shiro says. Hunk drops him with a gasp and coos his apologies as Lance coughs to breathe normally again. Lance stands up with a real smile on his face, which is slightly crooked as he’s come to learn from pictures. 

He’s crowded by the rest of the cast, excluding Keith, but who cares about that guy. Allura and Shiro are the first to introduce themselves to him. He spends a decent minute fangirling as he meets his two biggest idols in person for the first time. 

Shiro is as nice as everyone says he is, and Allura is just as sweet as talked about. Pidge is a little blunt, but the abrupt way she speaks is refreshing. As a celebrity it's always hard to find someone who will be real with you. Pidge seems to be that person. He's just about to start introducing himself when the door opens.

Keith walks in, head down as he's looking at his new shirt. It's looser on him, a black vest that shows off his biceps in a very flattering way. Tight on the shoulders, loose in the waist. He walks in talking, apparently addressing Shiro.

"Hey Shiro, I had to borrow one of your shirts because some new guy-" Keith stops mid sentence as he locks eyes with Lance. He doesn't scowl, just frowns.

"What are you doing here?" Keith asks, a slight bit hostile. Then his eyes rake down Lance with a raised eyebrow, not looking the slightest bit impressed. Well damn, fine. You wanna play Kogane, Lance thinks, then let's play.

He turns the charm up to eleven.

Lance rakes a hand through his short hair, hopefully looking suave as he wipes off some sweat from his forehead. He smiles his practiced smile, lets his eyes hood lazily, straightens his shoulders. Lance knows exactly what he's doing, and it is definitely working. If the slight twitch in Keith's expression has anything to say about it anyways.

"The name's Lance, Lance McClain." He says, nothing but flirty as he stretches his hand out to shake. Keith grips his hand slowly and loosely, eyes darting over his shoulder at the others. "I'm your new co-star." He says.

Lance relishes the slight panic in Keith's eyes as he drops his smooth facade. Smile slipping into a scowl to rival Keith's earlier one, eyes narrowing, grip tightening almost painfully.

"Jackass." He says.

Keith goes to say something, but Lance is saved by the bell. Or door actually, but semantics. Coran pops his head in with a cheek stretching smile.

"Ah Lance! Great! I see you've met your cast co-stars as well too! Wonderful. Mind if I steal you away?" Coran says, all in one go, much like Hunk. Lance knows he already likes this one, some Directors can be mean or hard to like. He smiles his goofy smile at him as he drops Keith's hand. Then he promptly shoves past him, none to gently either, shoulder checking him as he steps towards the door.

"Only if you have caffeine," Lance says. "I had a cup earlier, but someone doesn't know how to watch where they're going so I spilled it."

Keith scoffs behind, making his smile nearly drop off his face. But he's an actor, and a damn good one if he says so himself. So he saves face and leaves the meet and greet without even looking back. He throws a 'Later Hunk' over his shoulder as he follows Coran, who is already going on about what is to be expected from the day on set. Lance yawns.

He really cannot handle all of this without his morning sugar and caffeine fix.

******

(First)(Next)(AU)(AO3)

[bookishplays-blog]

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE HELL HOILDAY LAST YEAR

OH MY FUCK OK SO

this is related to the post i made abt the music association thing and the Hell Holiday is basically the reason i cant listen to mix tape anymore i swear to god this fucking holiday made me lose years off my life expectancy-

backstory: i went on a school trip to france prior to the hell holiday. i was the only responsible kid on said trip and saved all my money so when we were on the way back home i was deadass the only kid who had more than £10 left for food. anyway, this one girl who hung around with us had no money left so i bought her food and a drink and she was so grateful she told her parents who invited me to go to this adventure park place with them in the summer. me, being a broke ass bitch who, at this time, didn’t mind said girl and had ALWAYS wanted to visit said adventure park, said yes and packed to go.

from the start, it was a fucking shitshow. i stayed with this girl for approximately six days, three of which were in the adventure park, three at her house. the first day, we went to the cinema, where she proceeded to ignore me, speak over me and yell at me the whole day. her parents were strict to the point where we were sent to bed at eight o'clock. DURING SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. the second day went no better, with me getting my period, her being overly snide and dismissive, refusing to talk to me, taking complete control over everything, not packing for the trip and then yelling at me, confiscating MY headphones when i listened to music. but i figured, hey, she’s probably just antsy bc she’s bored.

BOY WAS I WRONG

on the car journey to the adventure park, she refused to talk to me. WE WERE IN THE CAR FOR TWO HOURS AND SHE SPOKE TO ME NOT ONCE. TO THE POINT WHERE EVEN HER PARENTS COMMENTED ON IT. and just when we FINALLY arrived, she dragged me straight off to go swimming.

as i mentioned, i was on my period. i bleed extremely heavily, and although i won’t give out my age, i’m a fairly young teen. this was the first time i’d ever used a tampon. repeat. I WAS YOUNG, ALONE, UNFAMILIAR WITH MY SURROUNDINGS AND JUST LEFT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE A TAMPON WITH ZERO SYMPATHY AND AN ORDER TO HURRY UP. being so inexperienced, i did it wrong, so i had to leave after half an hour to redo it. except i found out they locked my back in their locker, which would’ve been fine except i was bleeding everywhere and locked in a toilet cubicle?? anyway the girl eventually found me, yelled at me, got my bag and yelled at me when i went back out to the pool.

this got no better throughout the day. we were given bikes to get around with, and her parent SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME TO LEAD HER SINCE I WAS MORE EXPERIENCED WITH ROAD CYCLING. the MOMENT this bitch’s parents were gone, she yelled at me and forced me to go behind her, which would’ve been fine except this hoe was in high school and could barely ride a bike, so we spent half an hour on a ten minute ride because of how much she stopped and started. one time, she stopped and started so rapidly that i accidentally rammed into her. she screamed at me despite me apologising profusely, checking her over and offering to go ahead so it wouldnt happen again. (spoiler; she said no)

you know how i said i was on my period? this is VERY important. i’d like to stress through the whole holiday that this girl was rude to me whenever i was in pain or tired or lethargic, all things to do with being on my period. evenings were spent with her ignoring and yelling at me, then complaining that i was too quiet and rude. she did a bunch of other nasty shit to me, which i’ll elaborate on later, including the part where she abandoned me in a forest.

now, i was visibly upset, and her parents were genuinely so sweet to me. they made an effort to include me, to buy me drinks and to hold a conversation with me. her parents were the best part of that fucking holiday, even if they did make us go to bed at eight o'clock.

the night of the first day wasnt that bad, apart from a few awkward conversations about phone charging arrangements. but overall, i woke up feeling like maybe it wouldnt be so bad. BOY WAS I WRONG. this was when i was at the peak of my instagram friendships, and i had two best friends, people i’ll call Tara and Anya (not their real names). tara and anya were the reason i survived that fucking holiday i stg when this bitch made me cry (which was often) they were always there. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT LATER IN THIS STORY.

next day, still on my period, things went a tad better. me and the girl did archery - a disaster, by the way, with her mocking me and calling me names - and we went swimming again, which went marginally better. unfortunately, evening activities were fucking SHIT. this bitch screamed at me for having a period and taking painkillers, telling me i could just stop if i wanted to, then bagsied the first shower home despite the fact i was bleeding and had a tampon that i needed to change. our room had the only shower and there was no fucking way i was going to use her parents’ bathroom (besides, she locked me out of our room so i couldnt get fresh tampons anyway). i ended up removing my tampon very quickly (and since i actually inserted it properly this time, it hurt like a bitch and i cried).

however, wifh zero access to the room with all my period products i had to sit in a pool of my own blood, practically crying, for ten to twenty minutes while she showered. i repeat. I, A SCARED YOUNG TEEN IN AN UNFAMILIAR SETTING, HAD TO SIT IN A POOL OF MY OWN BLOOD BECAUSE THE GIRL I WAS STAYING WITH WOULDNT LET ME USE THE BATHROOM FIRST. and when i did finally get to use the bathroom, she made snarky comments when i took sanitary products with me.

evening entertainment was a shitshow. she ignored me, took my money, ignored me some more and then mocked me for calling my mum. i ended up faking sleep early just so i didnt have to listen to her. and yet that was one of the better days.

THE NEXT DAY, I GOT LOCKED OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CABIN.

we decided to race to this beach area before meeting at the fencing complex. unfortunately, i had never been to this park before, as i said, so i got hopelessly lost. i decided to cycle to the main metro area in the park because thats where fencing was. i hoped they’d meet me there. they didn’t. i’d left my phone inside. i cycled there and back to the cabin at least four times looking for them and crying before eventually giving up and sitting outside the cabin, where a cleaner ended up taking pity on me and letting me in. i proceeded to run indoors and cry for a straight half hour, while my friends tried to console me.

i was inundated with angry texts. her only response when i told her what happened was “you wasted fencing.” as a poor girl who had always wanted to try fencing, this made me even more upset.

we did end up going to the beach place after they returned, but the girl made me row her everywhere and complained when i asked to swap. we went swimming again, and i was so cramped up that i swam for maybe half an hour before getting out and sitting on the poolside, reading and talking to my friends. this girl, whose parents had told me explicitly that i could sit by myself if i didnt want to swim, screamed at me for wasting the water. i cried again.

now we get to the part where she FUCKING ABANDONED ME IN THE WOODS.

i went back to the cabin early, and her parents decided to show us a clubhouse area. they left straight afterwards, leaving us to our own devices. we messed around a bit, and then she said to me, and i quote,“stop following me.”i didnt know the area, where to go, or what was available to do. so i sat down and texted tara and anya, who made me laugh. until this girl fucking upped and left, not before calling me slow and stupid, and left me. alone. in the woods by myself with nobody there.

I WAS LEFT IN THE FUCKING WOODS ALONE AT SEVEN O CLOCK AT NIGHT.

luckily, my gay ass remembered the way back because there were some pretty distinctive paths and bushes on the way there, so i returned safely. her parents asked me where she was, and i lied and said we decided to split up.

she didnt come back after half an hour, so her dad borrowed mg bike and found her. she then said I left HER and then pretended to be sick and ignored me all night. (in case ur wondering how i knew her bitch ass was faking, she was perfectly fine after dinner.)

the final day, the day of leaving, we walked around a bit, and i spoke mostly to her mum. i had a pounding headache, and she took notice and dragged us inside in the shade. her parents truly were blessings, as i said. the hoe ignored me, per usual, screamed at me, per usual, and at breakfast after she made me very uncomfortable and asked very personal questions about my financial situation. when we FINALLY left, she called me ungrateful for reading on my phone and staying inside when she went to get snacks. when we got back to her place, she totally ignored me and went outside, leaving me alone to wait for my dad to pick me up.

when i left, she didnt even say goodbye, despite me getting her attention many times.

in other words, that holiday has made me distrust her completely to the point where when i was asked if i’d be okay sharing a room with her on another trip after, i flat out said no and chose the only other people (homophobes who all ignored me) to share with instead.

on the bright side, that holiday made me talk to my friends so much that i ended up becoming super close with my current squad, so theres that.

[djrelentless]

“2013 REWIND: DJ Relenless Talks Music, Politics, Life And The Future”

December 26, 2013 at 4:29pm

What can I say about the year that gave us "twerking" and the "Gay Lumberjack meetsHillbilly Chic" beard? The year that blatant abuse of power with a side order of racism and homophobia was the order of the day. Where Pop Divas battled for the top of the charts, but were side swiped by a smarter girl from Houston.

Yes, 2013 was a quite a year in news and for me personally.

It seems like every year Reality TV gets more and more out of control. We went from a sassy toddler beauty pageant contestant to a backwoods redneck duck calling family and suddenly became surprised that the monarch of it was homophobic and racist. And not wanting to be outdone….the Kardsahians pulled every trick out of their Prada bags to stay relevant. Too bad that not even marrying Kanye West could keep them afloat on the internet. Kanye had a moment of truth on Jimmy Kimmel when he went on to address the parody of his BBC interview. For just a second, I understood his point of view, but then he just kept on talkin'! His mouth is gonna be his biggest downfall. He has some clever twists of phrases in his lyrics, but his idea of being a super genius is what keeps everyone from taking him seriously. Poor Paris Hilton…..she's no longer  the "rotten spoiled whore darling" of media. Instead of releasing that horrible song with Lil' Wayne she should have done a sex tape with him. That would have kept her in the news for at least a month. We were continuously being bombarded with information everyday. How could anyone keep up or pay attention?

Musically, we started out the year doing the "Harlem Shake". This really funky dance featured in many Hip Hop videos got appropriated and transformed into convulsions of the masses. Great beat, but no one I saw online was doing it right. This was kinda the "Year of Appropriation" (folks basically stealing other things from other cultures…..some for music, some to shock and some just to get a laugh). Even my alter-ego, Jade Elektra found herself being appropriated by Circuit DJ/Producers who years ago would never play or admit they liked tracks like "Bitch You Look Fierce" or "Why Are You Gaggin'?", but now are stealing riffs and lyrics to make these outdated tribal tracks for shirtless steroid boys to throw their hands in the air while their drugs kick in. That's so 1998!

The word "twerk" was on everyone's lips after the 2013 MTV Music Video Awardsbecause little Hannah Montana decided that once and for all she was no longer going to be a Disney Princess. So, when Miley Cyrus bent over in front of Canada's Marvin Gaye,Robin Thicke during a mash-up of "We Can't Stop" and "Blurred Lines" the course of Pop Music history was changed forever. Online and in the media, Lady GaGa and Katy Perrywere slated to duke it out for the top of the charts by September. After that moment, no one was even thinking about an "Applause" or a "Roar". But no one could have predictedBeyonce coming around the corner in at the last moment in December with her brilliantly unannounced CD and Visual album. Finally….an artist got it right. Release more than a bunch of songs. Give your fans a complete package and they will go out and buy it in droves.

Rivalries between Chris Brown and Drake or Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea seem to cool by summer. I think a few people found out that the internet could be a dangerous place for their careers. Bad publicity is still bad publicity. And when you are trying to sell records in this economy…..it would behoove you to sit down and shut the fuck up! I didn't get the apology that I wanted from Eminem, but I did get to hear him say that he is not a role model and that he did a lot of his early 2000's antics for publicity. But like Andrew "Dice" Clay andLisa Lampanelli, you can only go so far shocking people before it turns into hate. On top and everyone's talking about you and then poof…..you're gone. The next obnoxious thing comes along. So, I lifted my ban on him just in time for his well crafted album, "The Mashall Mathers LP 2" (produced by the legendary Rick Ruben).

Idiots like Justin Bieber and Rob Ford really found out how bad publicity travels around the world in a second. These fools spent the year just writing jokes about themselves with every move. And it's sad that the City Government in Toronto has nothing place to remove Fordfrom office after admitting he lied about smoking crack, got caught on video with some shady dealings, possible murder suspect and told a room full of reporters that he has more than enough "pussy" to eat at home. Bieber just really needs a good ass-whippin'. Punk ass bitches like him are always super tough behind bodyguards when he would bust a grape in a fruit fight (to quote Jay Z). God….please make his announcement about retiring TRUE!

It was quite the year for Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. These two have played their hand very well. I just wish that they would give thanks to Ellen DeGeneres for really launching their success by having them on to perform "Same Love" in October of 2012. And speaking of lesbians on daytime television……it has been great to see the void of Oprah filled with two dykes competing for ratings every weekday. Queen Latifah & Ellen seem to be fighting over guests and who's funnier. The only thing is one is completely out and the other dances around the subject.

But we did have some new entries into the game. The LaToya Jackson of the Braxton family, Tamar Braxton really stretched her 15 minutes into 20. Kendrick Lamar shook things up on the Hip Hop scene by just being raw on his lyrics. And thank God that damn "Royals" song by Lorde seems to be dying down! I love when they hype a new artist that they think is the next big thing. She should take a look back at Nora Jones. Praised and revered….now no one knows where she is (taco stand, maybe). At least with Macklemore & Ryan Lewis they had a few years under their belts to find their sound and message. This kid's album sounds like one song. No variations and nothing interesting. I don't wanna hear another teenage girl who sounds like the voice of a baby doll programed with the latest catch phrases…..just tired! But we'll see what happens at the Grammys.

And speaking of the Grammys…..I definitely think it's gonna be a Justin Timberlake year. I think the lawsuit by the Gaye family will hurt Robin Thicke's chances. But Pharrell Williamsshould snatch a couple awards for producing and singing the track "Happy" for "Despicable Me 2". Let's just hope there won't be any awkward performances like Lady GaGa & R. Kelly's "Do What U Want" on SNL or Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" on theAmerican Music Awards even though they both made for good television.

Apparently some other "good television" in 2013 was "Breaking Bad". Who would have thought a show about dealing meth would be one of the highest rated show? Perhaps with the state of the U.S. it's not that surprising at all. From the blatant sabotage of the government by the arrogant and racist Republicans to the dumbing down of TV programing, many didn't have much to turn o except drugs to cope. Medical marijuana has legalized pot in certain areas of the country and many are trying to find doctors who will give them a prescription for any ailment.

And the Reality TV shows just keep on a comin'! My favorite new title coming from the states is "Sex Sent Me To The E.R." (probably because I could have been on this show….but we'll save that story for my book). As a member of the Screen Actors Guild, it saddens me that good actors can't get work today while simple and common people can allow cameras to follow them around and makes millions. And talking with one of my good friends who is an excellent director, I realized that this Reality Crap has effected our actual actors in America. Now perfectly good actors are "acting" like Reality Stars to get work. This is why Australians and Brits are playing Americans better than Americans. It reminds me of when I was applying for a job at Gym Bar in Chelsea, NY back in 2009 and the owner actually asked me to not mix my sets. Mainly because the norm in the bars in Manhattan these days at some gay hangouts is a DJ who cannot mix. That is killing the art of DJ-ing and definitely killing the art of acting!

But never fear….Kevin Hart came up with one of the most brilliant ideas. "The Real Husbands Of Hollywood" has flipped the script. It's a fake reality show with real celebrities. Very funny stuff! I predict that Mr. Hart will take the place of Dave Chapelle in 2014. God knows, he's about to drop several movies at once to start the New Year off. Let's just hope he doesn't implode like Dave did.

The other disturbing trend I watched in 2013 was the Conservative Party of Canada's government borrowing pages from the U.S. Republicans' playbook. Not many realized thatFOX News opened an office in Montreal this year. That means that the Republicans have raised enough money off the puppet shows like "Family Guy", "American Idol" and "The Simpsons" to expand to another country. The very things that the Republicans hate and want to fight to keep down like gay rights, immigration, poor people's dreams, etc…are the very things they sell us on their shows to make money to continue their agenda. Their remarking of voting zones and opposing Obama tooth and nail is part of their plan to take back the White House in 2016. And don't think for a moment that the Obamacare website debacle was not a scheme by the Republicans. It's just too bad that him being the first African-American President has left him in a position where he can't call them out without them saying he's playing the "race card". These days everyone is holding their breath hoping that Hillary Clinton will run in the next election. At this moment and time, she seems to be the only threat to the Republicans. But a lot can change over the next year couple of years. Remember back in 2008 when we all thought she was a shoe-in?

But I guess the most frustrating thing to watch this year was the acts of racism and homophobia. The George Zimmerman Verdict in the murder case of Trayvon Martin really sent a message about America that polarized race relations. It gave us the new and improved "Jim Crow". It raised the question "Have we really evolved at all?" People likePaula Deen and Phil Robertson are great example of the rebranding of "Jim Crow". Celebrities like Julianna Hough dressing in "blackface" for Halloween, Steve Martintweeting a racist jokes, the attacks on Nina Davuluri for being crowned the first Miss America of Indian decent….all tell a different story about "the land of the free." Some tried to apologize while others just "stood their ground" and let their racist thoughts flow like theRiver Jordan. And even though Elisabeth Hasslebeck was finally asked to leave "The View", I think it was a little too late.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/09/16/miss-america-2013-nina-davuluri_n_3933666.html

But I guess the most ridiculous thing I just read about recently is the "National Chick-Phil-A Day" coming up on January 21st, 2014. Supporters of Phil Robertson are planning to converge on all Chick-fil-A restaurants to show their support for him and freedom of speech. Hey…it worked when the company came out against gay rights! But in a strange move the fast food chain has quickly denounced any involvement with the movement. Probably because Robertson is not only a homophobe but also a racist. So, the company has had to pick and choose their hate. Yes…we hate homosexuals, but we love our black customers who eat chicken!

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/12/26/have-you-heard-about-the-national-chick-phil-a-day-to-support-suspended-duck-dynast-star/

http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/25/chick-fil-a-phil-robertson-facebook-group-statement/

But as for me, 2013 taught me a lot about myself and where my life is going. With the help of my husband (John Allan), Todd Klinck, Phillip Fournier and the owners of Crews & Tangos I successfully maintained a monthly fundraiser for one of the charities that is dear to my heart…..Toronto's People With AIDS Foundation. Probably because I have witnessed first hand the good work they do for people living with HIV/AIDS. I don't think that everyone realizes that all it takes is one person to start a movement or to take a stand. I hope that I have inspired a few people to live in their truth. It's the only way to live….for me at least. I've learned that it is never too late to right a wrong (especially when it comes to your family).

2013 also taught me to always stand up for what you believe in (even when it is the unpopular thing to do). Pride week in Toronto showed me how some people only see what they want to see. Supporting your friend when they have done something that is wrong or controversial does not make their actions right. It only makes you look uneducated. Opening a conversation and dialogue about different view points should not turn into a "Twlight" movie with Team This and Team That. If you don't know what it is to be discriminated against or degraded because of who or what you are, then of course you will not have the same view point as of someone who has. Social Media has turn everyone into their own little islands. And our youth suffer the most because they actually believe the hype of entitlement. A few likes or quick comments posted on a page makes them believe that they are that important when there are much bigger issues at hand.

So, even though I have lost a few friends and acquaintances behind standing up against a racist act, I have gained a few a long the way and remain proud that I said something when most didn't see what was wrong in the first place.

It weird thinking back at the movie version of George Orwell's "1984". "Big Brother" was a real threat to our lives (or at least we thought back then). The idea that someone was watching us 24/7 without our control or consent was a scary concept. Now "Big Brother" is a reality show and everyone is clammering to post their most intimate details online. I love seeing photos of people behaving badly, smoking joints and almost naked in their bathrooms. And then they wonder why they can't get a job! It would seem that "Big Brother" has figured out how to watch us with our permission and no one is the wiser.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq-_7F9asjo

For 2014….I pray for clarity. I pray for continued good health. I pray for a common ground where we all can be heard and still respect each other. I don't have to agree with you, but that does not mean we cannot work together to make a better place for all of us.