#tired of people who have no concept of checks and balances having loud opinions on democrats efficacy

[vanilla-voyeur]

They didn't just pass the ACA, they were considered the second most productive congress in history right after the time before that Democrats had a supermajority and the presidency in 1965. (Which gave us Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and the Voting Rights Act to name a few.) In 72 days, they passed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, the Dodd–Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act, and the New START treaty.

The reason they didn't codify Roe was because back then it wouldn't have made any sense. Roe v Wade was the law of the land and back by tons of precedent. The idea of Roe being overturned back in 2008 was laughable. They only had 72 days and then needed to focus on things that were impossible without a supermajority in 2008, not things that they'd have no reason to believe Republicans wouldn't play ball because they were more open to bipartisanship pre-Obama.

"Why didn't the Democrats codify Roe v Wade?"

They didn't have enough votes to bypass the filibuster because of Joe Manchin

"Why didn'-"

The answer is probably Joe Manchin.

"They had 60 votes in-"

For a few months and that entire time was spent wrestling with like 11 Joe Manchins from a bunch of red states in the senate to get health care reform passed.

"What about the Filibuster-"

JOE FUCKING MANCHIN

[edelgoth]

conquest matchup

@the-alpahaca hi hi!! happy new year to you too!! also, it’s good to see you back with another request <3 sorry it took me so long to get this to you; i’ve been in a bit of a writing slump hhhh (the fact i’m saying happy new year goes to show how long i’ve kept you waiting i am SO sorry jlgdfdgfklj)

also i felt that “tend to waste my life away daydreaming” and having it be more of a defect down to my gut skljdfslfk. 

also, since you wrote me such a lovely matchup (and now headcanons), i’ve made this a little longer <3 

so, i match you with...

leo!!

listen, the contrast in this relationship. the balance that contrast brings. i’m living for it. 

you’re the bubbly & friendly to leo’s calm & somber. i think you two just have such so much to offer each other? 

for example, i think leo could help you keep your scatter-brain in check. or, if that’s out of the realm of possibility, he’s just so organized & purposeful that it balances out (watch me write the word balance one too many times dslkjfd) 

but on the other hand, leo could really do with having someone who likes cheering other people up around (hell, all the nohrian siblings could dskljflfkj) someone’s gotta make him smile, and that person is you!! 

leo needs some kindness to stoke his intensity; it’s an intensity that’s developed quite naturally out of the circumstances of his birth and his upbringing. so, i think your personality would help remind him how to be kind, and he’s very grateful for it 

furthermore, you two would have a good balance when it comes to understanding & forgiving too easily vs drawing the line too harshly; i think you two could really learn from each other and come to a healthy equilibrium!! 

leo can come off as quite cold, but honestly? i reckon he’s got a bit of awkwardness too. so sometimes he finds your own awkwardness adorable (good luck getting him to admit to that, tho), and sometimes he finds it painful because it hits too close to home. idk if that made sense dkljfsdsflkj

he’d find you quite intriguing at first (probably a bit suspicious of your motives, but that’s just how he is), because of that mysterious vibe you give off; finding out that you’re actually quite kind and scatterbrained would be quite endearing to him 

furthermore, because of the sort of person he is, he can help bring you back down to earth when you’re daydreaming 

but, at the same time, he admires your creativity!! it’s something he cherishes in you, and he never wants you to lose that streak

your wish for romanticism (the most traditional sense) in the everyday may just wake something up in him? the want to see the beauty in the world around him, to find meaning; and while your romanticism has caused you some strife in the past, i think leo’s very logical, analytical and observant nature may help you unpick that?? because it’s a very precious thing to want to find that which is worth loving, but he might be able to help you do that in a way that doesn’t cause you pain (i feel like this made NO sense i’m so sorry) 

nerd that he is, he’s impressed by the fact that you’re trilingual!! (so am i dflkfjf) i can see him being interested in learning key phrases from each of your three languages 

he loves your cooking!! (it’s taking everything within me to not make a tired joke about tomatoes hhhh) i can’t remember if his opinion on sweets is stated anywhere, but you can bet he’s going to appreciate anything you make for him  

definitely a documentary guy in a modern au

leo’s very observant, which means he always has something nice to say about every outfit you put together. it’s usually about your attention to detail  

pls use your fashion skills to fix his collar i’m begging you-- 

also!! the contrast in your tastes in fashion. high art.  

leo’s an introvert himself (i think), so he’d respect your need to recharge and will give you that space. it sounds like your energy levels match quite well!! 

leo knows what it’s like to isolate himself; with a childhood like his, it’s no surprise that he tends to hide himself away in his studies. i think that’d help him identify when you just need some time alone to catch your breath, or when he should be concerned. 

because he’s had such a different upbringing (one that’s like,,, sheltered, and yet also the opposite of sheltered,,, wtf is going on in nohr) he’d offer you quite the different perspective on life and the world and our place in it 

leo would really enjoy talking about philosophy with you!! or, rather, existentialism; he doesn’t have anyone to even touch on those subjects with, so you’d end up getting the full brunt of what he’s really thinking and feeling 

it might get overwhelming at times (boy’s been through some Intense stuff), but it also means he’d be very attentive in return; he genuinely enjoys hearing you talk through your thoughts and how you’ve arrived at them 

he’d definitely be able to talk for hours and hours with you about life, and actively encourage you to share your thoughts with him!! 

in general, i think he needs someone insightful and perceptive, not only to keep up with his own mind, but to understand him 

he’d love that you’re so interested in the world and people and that you just want to know about it all; it’s a part of him that he’s pushed down after prioritizing learning just to survive 

leo can be very no-nonsense, and from one melancholic to another, that can be very helpful at the right time asjkf 

he’ll constantly be telling you that you’re smart and intelligent and he will not hear otherwise; if there’s something you’re not getting, he’s going to do his best to try and explain it to you in a different way 

he’d point out when you were being too harsh on yourself. he thinks it’s absurd that you can be so cruel to yourself when you’re so kind to him and the people around you. he just can’t wrap his head around it 

he admires your kindness in general; especially the way you... think of other people and their place in the world, if that makes sense?? the reason being that, once again, his childhood didn’t leave much space for that sort of mindset (i’ll literally pay myself to stop talking about his childhood i askjfdfldkj)

funnily enough, i feel like leo is the opposite of you when it comes to the cold/warm dichotomy; where you’re very good at taking care of people and being a good friend, you’re able to let them go when the time comes. leo strikes me as the opposite; distant and hard to reach, but gets quite attached (i’m mainly thinking of his retainers and his siblings). i wanted to say something #deep about it but i’ll go back to the fact you have great contrast yet again 

i feel like leo would be okay with the fact that you’re not super affectionate, too; he’s a bit of a romantic, but i don’t see him being big on physical affection? like of course he enjoys it, but it’s not high on his love languages. i have nothing profound to say, just thought it was of note skljffdlj

but, he’s proved time and time again that he’s capable of being quite the romantic; so, he’d be able to meet you in the middle when it comes to finding a life full of romance!! 

i feel like he’s a big gesture guy, and he prefers using them to express how he feels over words

he’s very good at complimenting you (especially if he thinks you’re being hard on yourself), but he struggles to get frank with his own feelings; so instead, expect a lot of thoughtful gifts and dates

loves your writing. is always asking if he can read it. has a particular love for your essays, just because he’s also got an analytical mind

likes getting you to brainstorm with him whenever he’s stuck on a particular problem!! he just appreciates how your mind works and it can be such a contrast to his own (i get the feeling he’s got tunnel vision), so it’s a big help!! 

he’s not very artistic himself, but he loves seeing whatever you create, be it drawings or written pieces. i feel like he’d be surprisingly good at motivating you, without making it too obvious that that was his goal?? i’ve made less and less sense the further down this matchup we go

because he struggles with his inferiority complex, i feel like leo would be quite understanding of your own insecurity. of course, he disagrees (he thinks that being a jack of all trades certainly has some benefits over specializing, like him), but he’d be able to handle it with a sensitivity and thoughtfulness beget only by someone who truly understands 

and finally, he’d be grateful that you’re good at understanding people. leo’s got a lot pent up, and i think someone like you would be the perfect partner for someone like him!! honestly, he probably needs a bit of help understanding himself (same thing could be said about the rest of the nohrian siblings tbh), and i think you’d be able to help with that 

essentially, you connect on a lot of your core traits, but there’s still a contrast which could help incur growth!! bless this couple it’s such a high tier concept 

alternate matches

kaze: a big reason i chose leo over kaze is that i think you’d have more of a intellectual connection with the former? i think your personalities would mesh quite well, as you’re both kind and thoughtful and yet also a bit stoic. there’s still a good bit of contrast, where he’s reserved and you’re quite bubbly, which’d make this pairing quite cute. the general vibe i get from this pairing is ‘uncontrollably fond’, and i really like it? regardless of if you were romantically involved or not, i think you and kaze would get along wonderfully (and would likely end up as best friends?) 

laslow: now this guy is quite different from the other two. firstly, he matches your more bubbly side, while also being prone to moments of introspection. i think laslow has a certain maturity to him in fates that’d make him a good person to rely on. but, he’s not too serious and mature, so he’s still someone you could have a lot of fun with. but, while i said he’s prone to moments of introspection, i don’t think he goes quite as,,, deeply, as you do?? i can’t see him debating philosophy, tbh. but, i think he’d still be a really good match!! leo is just better

also silas was being VERY LOUD so he’s here too, i guess 

[yuki7900archive]

Random Drabble: Broken

This oneshot is a little different to my other ones. This is more of a vent than anything. I’ve been wanting to write this for ages, because I think getting feelings out is important, but trying to explain all this I find really difficult. Even when I read over this it feels like it isn’t right. But I can think of any other way to explain.

- - -

Jay wasn't sure what was wrong with him, but he knew he was broken. There was nothing more infuriating to him, as a fixer and inventor, than not knowing where the problem was and how to mend it. It annoyed him more when people said he was fine, because he knew he wasn't fine. He just knew that something was wrong with him. The issue however, was trying to explain it.

His mind was just a pool of bad memories, conflicted thinking, worrying, fearing, screaming. It made sense in his head, whilst simultaneously it didn't. He understood, or at least he thought he understood, but trying to use words to write it out or speak just never worked. Even though he used the words in his head and repeated them a thousand times over, aloud or on paper they didn't seem correct. That's what he was dealing with, a broken mind that was determined to stay broken.

He'd woke up in the morning, feeling groggy and tired (which was rather ironic when he thought about it, elemental master of Lightning and all). Edna came and told him to get up for school. He didn't want to, but he had to. If he had the choice he'd stay cocooned in his blankets all day, hidden from everybody. Unfortunately life didn't work like that, and going to school was the law, which was a giant shame.

He'd dragged himself out of his bed reluctantly, groaning and slumping to the bathroom to clean himself up and look at least a little presentable. He'd stood at the sink, washing his hands and face and getting off any dirt marks from oil or dust that could easily get smudged on his skin due to the environment he lived in. As he did that he'd checked the mirror and stared at his reflection for a good few minutes in dismay. He'd looked at his freckles, his mess of brown curls, his illuminative blue eyes, the shape of his lips, his rounded face, his eyebrows. He examined every part of him and it lead to the same conclusion of self-loathing. Why did he look so ugly? Why did every other human on the planet look normal and yet he didn't? It's like they all looked like a human, and he did too but a different human. A human that wasn't human. Humans in general as a concept was weird anyway, I mean really think about it for a second. Think about the Earth forming and God looking down at the tiny mass of rock and water and going "Hey, ya know what this needs? A soft, curvy, spongey little human." And then BAM. Now we're here. Why did all the others look normal and like they should, and yet he was cursed not to be?

With a sigh, he'd left the bathroom and dressed himself ready for school. He threw on something comfortable and also something a little big on him so people couldn't make out his slightly chubby body shape. He'd covered up as much as possible because who wanted to see his grotesque features that we'd already discussed in the bathroom? He'd worn a white, long-sleeved shirt and then covered that up with his large, bold blue cardigan with the orange lightning bolt in the centre. He'd matched it with a thick, orange scarf, one his Ma had gotten him years ago during one particular winter season where it had been colder than usual. He'd put on a pair of beige trousers so the material didn't cling fully to his legs and also didn't stand out with the rest of his outfit. He had to have a bland colour thrown in or else he'd draw too much attention. Not that his outfit wasn't already doing that with the scarf and cardigan.

Next was breakfast, which some mornings he felt sick eating. This morning was sadly one of those times. He was starving but everything he ate just tasted sickly and off. He'd forced it down anyway because he knew he'd feel better when he did, he just had to go slow and not rush or he feared he might throw up everywhere. Plus his parents would nag about to him about having balanced meals, and he didn't want his parents worrying. They did enough for him as it was. They adopted him and raised him when his own parents wouldn't. He should be grateful for that.

The moment breakfast was over he'd collected his bag and made his way to school. He'd walked along the street, panicking every time he went past another person in case they assaulted or attacked him. He walked quickly and tried to block everything out with music on his phone, anything loud. It was mostly N-Pop, being the anime fan he was. That made him weird apparently, so he stopped telling people he liked it. One less reason for people to hate him. He strolled along and kept a neutral face to hide the fear he truly felt inside. With each person he passed he would hold his breath. He didn't know why. He just subconsciously held his breath. It was a pain when he had such a far way to walk to school, it made it ten times more difficult as he would tire himself out so easily. Then he didn't start breathing again until that person was far away from him. He'd had to take his headphone out in order to breathe though. Because what if he breathed too loud? Then he'd look stupid. He'd also have to tap his fingers in time with the music, he just had to. He felt weird not doing it, even when he got weird looks off people. In his mind he seemed less weird for doing that than doing nothing.

This kept up the entire journey, even upon arrival at school. The moment he turned that corner and saw the front of the school, all the kids stood there and talking away as they waited for first period, his stomach filled with an usual feeling. This feeling he couldn't describe, but he had gotten so used to it everyday he didn't even have to think what he was thinking because he already knew too well what he was thinking (I know, confusing). All because of that unease in his body. He figured this feeling was what judgement was. He walked up the path to the front door, sneaking his hand up his cardigan sleeve and scratching his skin viciously as a replacement for biting his nails. Everybody stared at him, even when they weren't. He knew they were watching him, all of them. They may not have been staring right at him but he knew they were. He could feel their eyes on him. And when he went past them, his head kept down at the ground, he heard laughter from a group of girls nearby. They were talking about something else, nothing to do with him, but they were definitely laughing at him. He knew they were laughing at him. Why were they though? Could they see his ugly body? Was his face so disgusting that it was funny? Or maybe his entire existence was just a joke in itself.

Jay felt a tap on his shoulder, prompting him to take his headphones out after his entire body screamed to run away. What if this person was a murderer? A kidnapper? What then? He'd played right into their hands. Then they'd kill him and bury his body somewhere nobody would ever find him and so no one would ever know what happened to him and he could never tell anyone because he'd be dead.

Thankfully though it wasn't either of those things.

"Hey," Cole smiled at him. Jay relaxed a little. It was just his best friend. "You okay?"

"Yeah." No.

"Good to hear. You ready for first period?"

"Yeah." No he wasn't. He never was. A classroom filled with other teens, all shouting and being annoying? Not his cup of tea. Too much noise and his brain felt like imploding, and when that happened he would have a meltdown and would start crying in the middle of class, then they'd call him a crybaby and tell him to grow up, even though he couldn't help it. He couldn't help it when noise was too much and he had constant noise in his head. He didn't need triple the amount he already had because people couldn't just shut up and get on with learning—

"Same, I've got my playlist ready." Cole grinned cheekily, making Jay laugh a little. He wished he could be like Cole. He wished he could listen to music all day and pretend that nobody else exists. But he doesn't learn that way, and if he didn't pay attention then his grades would slip. Not that his grades were more than average anyway. He was only just passing three quarters his subjects, acing only three of them and struggling to get through the rest. Damn Cole for being naturally smart. He was envious. But he shouldn't be. He felt awful. Cole was his best friend yet something about him just made the brunette feel so angry. His attitude? The fact he didn't care? The fact that he was actually liked. Unlike him.

The conversation between them carried on the rest of the morning as they stood by their lockers. Jay's mind was fairly quiet, distracted with what they were discussing up until everyone else arrived. He greeted all of them, they greeted him back. The topic changed to something else, their attention focused on a fascinating fact Zane had found out about how bread is made, followed by Lloyd's bullying issue. They all focused on that, everyone chatting and having their own input on the matter. Except Jay. Jay just stood there, saying nothing and listening instead. His friends all had something to say, they all talked and made their points but not the brunette. He had thoughts on it, but what did it matter? His opinion had already been said and repeated. Besides, did anyone really want to hear what he had to say? Probably not. They'd think he was dumb. Even though, like I said before, the opinion he had was similar to others in the group, that wouldn't stop them from thinking he was stupid. Or just a copy cat that couldn't form his own opinions. One of the two. He could see the look in their eyes whenever he spoke, the disinterest and uncaring. They'd gloss over whatever he had to say before someone more interesting than him said something more intelligent and he'd be forgotten about. Their eyes would light up again and the conversation would resume without him. So again, what was the point in telling them what he thought?

The bell rang for class, making Jay sigh to himself before him and his friends made their way through the corridors. Students stared at them all. More of the staring, the constant staring as they mocked and sneered and judged. And all the boy could do was be consumed with the voice in his head asking questions he didn't have the answer to. Why were they watching him? Why did they hate him? What did he do? What was so bad about him? Could they read his mind right now? Maybe they could. Maybe they were laughing at how unbelievably pathetic he was.

They all got to class and sat down in their seats, bringing out their textbooks as the teacher walked in and shushed them all. She began teaching her subject to the class, lecturing and writing notes on the board for students to copy up ready to revise for a test later that week. Jay scribbled down his notes in his book, his right leg bouncing up and down rapidly without him even realising for a good few minutes. When he did he halted immediately, cursing at himself. He began to write again, but he totally lost his rhythm from before. When he did gain it back, his leg started bouncing again. Eventually he gave up on trying to keep his leg still, accepting that his body was never going to cooperate with him, and just wrote down what he needed to as it was way more important.

Halfway through the lesson the teacher began asking questions, and his heart sank. He hoped, he begged for him to be ignored. He averted his gaze and kept his pupils locked onto the writing in his book. She called upon certain people and they gave the answer. Right or wrong, they didn't care much, nobody did. Not until—

"Jay?" He was asked a question. He thought he knew the answer, but what if it was incorrect? What if it wasn't even close to the correct answer and everyone knew this? They'd all laugh at him for being so stupid. They'd whisper and make fun of him, tell all their friends who weren't in their class who in turn would tell their other friends and so on until the whole school knew that he was an idiot. "What do you think it is?"

Say it. He told himself to say it. It didn't matter if it was wrong. But it did. It really did. Even when it didn't, it did. But he had to give some sort of answer, so he needed to say it. But, what was his answer again? What was it? He had it in his mind and now it was gone. He had to say something, anything that came to mind, anything at all. His brain was in a frozen stand still and he couldn't say anything. He forced himself to speak but nothing, no matter how hard he tried, came out.

He spent five seconds opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, followed by slowly sinking into his chair and hiding half his face in his scarf as he blushed furiously, small squeaks escaping his mouth. Some people in front turned to look at him, that same old expression he knew too well. You guessed it, judgement. He could feel other students behind him burning holes into his head, laughing to themselves at the shrivelling wimp before them. He was totally pathetic and he knew it.

"Alright, anyone else know the answer?" The teacher left him alone, having sighed a little. The students turned back around and began focusing again, but Jay was totally lost in his own mind. He stayed curled up in his seat, burying his head in his left arm and scribbling on his paper with his right. He went to the very back of his book and doodled, drawing a whole manner of things to help take his mind off the embarrassment he felt. He started in the top left corner and drew a planet surrounded by a dozen baby stars. From there he drew outward. He doodled random hands, an extra detailed anime style eye, even wrote some words and favourite song lyrics in a variety of typefaces ranging from block to cursive. His favourite drawing on that page, the one he'd put the most effort and time into, was the one of Nya. It was a quick sketch but he was proud of it, as he was with every drawing he did of her.

When the time came for class to end, Jay never left first. He packed his things slowly, allowing everyone else to clear out before even thinking of leaving himself. His friends would be waiting outside for him anyway. Today was no exception either. He left and all five of them stood there, looking at him sympathetically. Kai gently rubbed his arm and hugged him whilst Cole ruffled his hair.

"You okay bro?" The brunette asked him.

"Y-Yeah. I'm fine." He wasn't.

"Don't worry about them." His best friend nudged him gently. That was easier said than done, Jay had thought bitterly. "We know you're smart."

The rest of the day played out exactly the same. The same looks, the same uneasiness. However there was a brief moment of joy for the small brunette. He had been in Science, one of his best classes. He was seated next to Nya as she was his lab partner. It was one of the few classes he enjoyed (that and Art class). That lesson was different to the one earlier that day. He was called upon to answer another question, but this time he was certain his answer was at least 60% correct, so this time his nerves were not as evident. He stuttered as he spoke, and was a little on the quiet side, but his teacher had nodded with a smile when he'd got the right answer, and Jay felt overwhelmed with joy. He grinned at his teacher before turning to look at Nya, who gave him a thumbs up. She knew the reason for his happiness wasn't just getting it right, but also being able to answer and not freeze up like usual. He felt so happy and gleeful at his achievement.

For two seconds. Then he heard students snickering behind him, and saw other peers looking at him and rolling their eyes. That's when it all came flooding back again. And suddenly he didn't feel so good anymore. What kind of loser gets excited over answering a question correctly? Him, it seemed. The boy hid his face again and got to scribbling. He just wanted to go home.

When school finally had ended for the day, his friends had taken him along to the sushi bar to get food. He didn't really want to go out, he wanted to get back to his house and just eat there, but they were his friends and he felt bad saying no. So even though he was drained of any energy to be sociable, he spent another hour with his mates. He didn't make conversation, just let everyone chat amongst themselves and pretend he wasn't even there. Or at least he stopped trying to talk when they ignored him three times he'd tried to speak. Perhaps he was being too quiet and they couldn't hear him, or maybe they just didn't care what he thought. Whatever. He was just there to be there he supposed. Did any of them really want him there? When he just sat fiddling with his scarf and not joining in with them and taking an interest in whatever they were chatting about? Maybe it was a waste of time to even bother hanging out with them. They probably invited him out because they pitied him staying inside all the time. He could be at home doing homework, or painting with his mom, or helping his dad with mending. Instead he was sat here with his friends, all of them too engrossed to pay him any attention. But that wasn't fair of him. He was being selfish. He couldn't have all the attention, no matter how much he craved it (and he craved it badly). But he craved the good attention, not the bad, which is why half the time he didn't attempt trying to obtain it as all it lead to was him feeling shitty as everyone silently looked between each other and said nothing. Kind of like what happened in Science when he felt proud and then realised what a sad little worm he was. Why should he be proud of something that small? He really was the worst creature on the planet.

Nya had given him a lift home, knowing his neighbourhood wasn't the safest place in Ninjago. He didn't want her too but she insisted, so he felt bad complaining about it. It wasn't as if she was safe driving him home either. That didn't stop her from parking her bike to talk to him before he went inside.

"You sure you're okay Jay?" She persisted, climbing off her motorbike and walking over to him. He clutched the strap of his messenger bag and squeezed the material in his hands. He really did hate lying like he had been. He couldn't tell her what was wrong though because it was selfish. It was attention seeking. He knew it was. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't okay but he knew that was the part of him talking that just wanted someone to give him the attention he wanted. The attention he wasn't allowed to have.

"Yeah." He nodded and smiled, but she was unconvinced. She hummed and stepped forward again, bringing him in for a hug.

"It's okay to tell me. I won't tell anyone, I promise." She muttered softly, rubbing his back as he flushed. Maybe he should tell her what was bothering him. But how did he explain it? And how much did he explain? Did he explain just the day or every other day too? Sure it would take all night to try and untangle every little thing in the awful mess that was his mind, but at least then maybe he could finally fix himself. Nya was smart, just like him, she'd know what to do. And even if she didn't she'd try. She'd try so hard. She'd look after him.

"Really. I'm fine." He hated himself. So much. She was offering help and it made sense to accept it, why did he turn it down? Why did he pretend every single time that everything was fine and he was fine?  Why couldn't he just bring himself to say it?

Nya pulled away with a sigh, a frown on her face. "Promise you'll text if something's bothering you, yeah?"

"Promise." Already broken. Just by saying he would he had already lied yet again. What a shitty person he was.

She gave him a small smile and a ruffle of his hair before taking off back home. She zoomed off and left Jay in the dust, who looked after her with sad eyes before trudging back to his house and heading inside, slamming the front door shut.

His parents weren't home just yet, probably working or doing shopping. Jay didn't mind. He wanted alone time anyway. He let his bag fall from his shoulder and flopped onto his bed with an angry sob, tears spilling from his eyes. Why was this so complicated? He knew what he wanted, at least, he thought he did. He wanted help but at the same time why did he want help? He was smart! He could figure it out himself! Eventually...

As if anyone could understand him anyway. He couldn't even understand. Or he could, but...couldn't? He didn't know.

He groaned and buried his head in his pillow, gripping his hair and tugging in frustration. Why did this have to happen? What went so wrong in life that caused all of his? He was fairly certain other people didn't feel how he felt. Normal people didn't fret over literally everything, they didn't care about every detail, they just got on with it and didn't feel like crying every two minutes. God, what was the point of it all? Why even bother? Maybe this was how it was always going to be. He was going to spend his entire miserable and worthless life being a waste of space.

He hoped tomorrow would be better than what today had been. But it never was. It was always the same. Always broken.

[draginbreath]

RuleBooks

The fact of the matter is that there’s no freaking manual on how to be human. Nobody wrote out a step by step instructional type list on how to do all the things that we look around and see other people doing with no complications. How come there was never an assembly guide to being a person? It doesn’t even have to be all that difficult. A pinch of compassion, a teaspoon of mortality, a dash of humor. You don’t mention poop in a restaurant, and you can’t talk about Hitler in public. Things that are written on some invisible stone slab somewhere at the bottom of the pacific, and everyone BUT me knows about it.

And on top of that, half the topics we need to talk about, that we need to teach each other about, are considered taboo to talk about. Because one asshole somewhere in history got uncomfortable talking about the fact that OBVIOUSLY his parents had sex at some point, well, that means the rest of us have to act like upon conception of their first child, our parents turned from fertile and passionate human beings into sexless autonotoms. And that’s just one example. For instance, once upon a time I was having a little trouble, shall we say, moving a brown train out the station. It had been weeks since any passengers had debarked, and me, being a child of about fourteen, didn’t know that wasn’t normal. This could be because I’m a dumbass who doesn’t pay attention in biology (sorry, Mrs. Sharpe). I always thought that if I could just ask someone how often they pooped it wouldn’t be so hard for me to figure out that the reason my intestines were twisting was because I hadn’t ridden the porcelain shuttle in a while.

And while we’re on the subject. Anybody notice the fact that in a post on how silly it is that we can’t just talk straight about things, I felt compelled to use euphamisms, rather than just coming right out and saying “I was constipated and hadn’t pooped in weeks.”? It’s not like I have somebody standing next to my desk right now, tapping their foot and saying in a nasally voice, “Eww. I don’t want to hear about your bowel movements. Why would I willingly subject myself to this kind of disgusting drivel?”

Well, first. I’m not talking about my bowel movements, but rather the lack of bowel movements I had when I was fourteen cause I had a shit diet, no pun intended. Secondly, how the hell did you accomplish such wonderful alliteration in such a bitchy comment? Please, teach me your ways.

That nasally warmonger resides in all of us. Crouches there on the dunce stool of our mind, whispering and hissing cruel things just when we need to hear that the least. And that little bitch has a wide range of interests, subjects she (or he, let’s not be sexist here) is fluent in and totally willing to throw down on. Subjects as far flung as social popularity, physical ability, emotional ability, telepathy (what else would you call the presumption of knowing what other people are thinking?), physical appearance, the past, and of course the future. She’s like that know it all cousin. You have a thought about it and oh look, she wrote a world renowned paper on it last week.

But I digress.

There’s been a joke circulating around my generation for a while now. Not even really a joke. More of a social commentary that’s so true we laugh when we hear it. One of those things that we hear and say, “Oh I heard that!” We point at each other in recognition of our mutual interest in that certain topic, laughing until it ends on a sigh. That sigh says, “Yeah, that was funny. And all too poignantly true.”

Why the actual hell are we not taught how to balance a check book in school? Or change a tire? Why don’t they teach us how to nurse a headache, or a baby? (Oh because that would promote teenaged pregnancy, like teaching how to lance a boil would promote walking barefoot.) What the heck is a T4, and why do I need it? Why don’t they teach how to read a map, or tune a radio channel? How to talk to someone who’s upset with you so you don’t get punched in the face. Emergency Situation Preparedness. No, I’m not talking about what to do if an airplane crashes into the daycare next door. What do you do if you shit your pants in public? Or if you find a strange kid wandering in the mall with tears and snot smeared all over his face? What if he shits his pants? What about when you meet your in-laws for the first time? And as long as we’re talking about totally terrifying things hosted by monsters, what about buying a car or signing a lease? Insurance, or registering your car? How does the licensing process work? How do I get a will set up? What do I do if a relative dies?

What about the truly petrifying stuff? What if I’m not good enough? What if I’ve been hurt? What if someone I love is being hurt, and I don’t know how to help them? What if I’m not destined for greatness? Or worse, what if I am, and I just never achieve it? What if I can’t get out of bed, and I don’t know why? What if I’m pregnant, or can’t be? Or the person I love leaves? What if someone I know is having a crisis? What do I do, what do I say?

The concept of adulating is a really common nowadays. The way I interpret it is being able to comport yourself in a mature and competent manner that does not t all betray the pure terror you feel. At what you’re trying to pull off. Kind of like being a circus performer. You do all these highflying acrobatics that no one really trained you for, or they did but you’re using it not quite the way it was intended. And you’re expected to make it all look effortless with a smile on your face.

I know full grown women who have kids and businesses, beautiful homes and loving husbands, which by adult standards is professional level adulting. And these women and men still feel like there’s a secret that’s been withheld from them. Some information that no one mentioned they all know. There’s a sense of being mocked because there are things you don’t know, and everyone acts like they know. So you’re the giant dumbass for not knowing. And doesn’t that make you afraid to admit that you just don’t know?

So, I’m gonna suggest we make a pack. Throw the fear of the non-existent rule book out! There is no guide on how to be human, how to walk, talk, look or act properly! There isn’t and if there is, please show it to me! Share it with the rest of us wonderful people because I promise we’ll love you for it.

And in the case that there isn’t this manual; STOP CARING ABOUT IT. Stop fearing that you’re not following the carefully laid out steps on how to di it right and without incurring judgement. Stop being self-concious, limiting yourself in the hopes of not stepping out of bounds. Just break free of all that doctrine.

I can hear you thinking “But it’s so hard to do that. It’s so easy to day that you’ll just stop giving a fuck about what people do and say and think about you, but so hard to put it into practice.”

I know, I hear you, in spite of the distance. So do just that. Practice. Say ‘fuck your opinion’ to little things. The asshole who honks at you, the lady who stares in the supermarket, the mirror, and especially that bitch in the corner of your mind. You don’t even have to say anything out loud. Just think ‘fuck off’, or ‘I don’t care’ or any other mixture of strongly worded lack of opinion. Practice acknowledging that there’s no rule book so you make your own.

And hey, maybe if we start living by our own rulebooks, we’ll all stop needing them.