#times like these make me think I might have synesthesia

[the-shadesys]

Thanks for the tag! :D

This is probably gonna be kinda long and rambly, since I love to talk (about myself/my interests) and I cannot keep things short, ever.

1. Three ships I like:

I don't really do shipping, to be honest. I'm more interested in found family (headcanons) and shipping characters in a queerplatonic way. Most if not all ships that I like I'd like just as much if not more if they were (queer)platonic. But I guess I ship Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney), although I'm again more interested in other kinds of relationships. There's also Aventurine and Dr. Ratio (Honkai Star Rail). And I guess Kaveh and Alhaitham (Genshin Impact). I think certain ships can be interesting to explore and think about but I rarely seek out fanart and fanfics for ships.

2. First ship ever:

Zutara (Zuko and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender). Nowadays I'm pretty neutral towards it. I don't dislike it but I now headcanon Zuko as aroace (I am kinda projecting on him there, I admit) and am generally more interested in seeing and reading stuff that's centered around other kinds of relationships.

3. Last song you listened to:

Should be Ocean Planet by Ornithology and Barnes Blvd. It's lofi and we usually listen to it when we're stressed, need to concentrate or no other music is right at the moment (& causes sensory overload). We pretty much always listen to it on loop and I think it was our most-listened-to song in our Spotify Wrapped for last year. I like the way it sounds like ice cubes in a glass of water, clinking together. It's very calming and I like how it doesn't feel too warm (some songs do that for me, might be some form of synesthesia) and doesn't have a lot going on.

4. Fav childhood book:

Lord of the Rings, hands down. It was what really got us into (high) fantasy and reading. We've read it a bunch of times since when we read it in third grade for the first time. We've watched the movies too, of course, and liked them a lot.

5. Currently reading:

Nothing, really. There's a bunch of books we started reading but I don't know which one we read last at this point. Maybe one of our books about linguistics & conlanging? I do wanna get back to reading but there's so many things going on and so much stuff we wanna do that I don't really know when (and also which of our books to read).

6. Currently watching:

I did watch a few episodes of the Loki show (Marvel/MCU) a few weeks ago but haven't been watching anything more recently. I like the show but already know what happens in it and have seen a bunch of clips from it. I was also distracted by a lot of other stuff.

7. Currently craving:

I don't really know right now. Maybe chips though? Something salty and more like a snack, since I already had dinner a while ago.

8. Currently consuming:

Nothing. Gonna drink some water in a bit though, and then I'll go to sleep.

9. Pets:

We have a dog! My mom and I also do voluntary work where we take care of a bunch of animals every week, so they kinda feel like my pets in a way, too. There's donkeys, chickens, a pony, a flock of sheep that like to be petted and cuddle, and two cats (one of which always comes up to be pet by me and he's very cute!) <3

I'm not gonna tag anyone because that kinda stuff makes me anxious and I also don't really know who to tag.

This was fun though!

Get to know the blogger

Thanks for the tag @faggylittleleatherboy

1. Three ships I like: jegulus (marauders), anderperry (dead poets society), narlie (heartstopper)

2. First ship ever: idk, probably Rapunzel and Flynn Rider

3. Last song you listened to: Kill For You - Gigi Perez

4. Fav childhood book: The Magic Faraway Tree - Enid Blyton

5. Currently reading: The King's Men - Nora Sakavic

6. Currently watching: Greys Anatomy

7. Currently craving: Dominoes pizza

8. Currently consuming: just had some water

9. Pets: I'm not allowed pets where I live, but I have a cat back home

npt @zsrntyouil @mairon-goth-minion @mushroom-enby @wishiwereheather13 @overthemoons7 @equippedtolove @andytheoverthinker @woefulstar @cbartonscoffee + anyone else

[thefunkyspoon]

Humans Are Weird: Synesthesia

Okay, here's another one. You know how some of us get vibes from numbers? Like 1 being green, and most multiples of 7 being a Wednesday. I think it would be rlly funny trying to explain it to an alien.

"JustcallmeQuince? I was looking at your chart, and... it says you can see colors, words, and even times to numbers??" The Wasllook questions, baffled by the idea. He had no idea what in the Zoleck that could even mean.

The human perks up, putting down her odd looking meal, supposedly called a "sandwich".

"Oh. Er, yeah. Why?" JustcallmeQuince responds, tilting her head and raising just one eyebrow; an odd movement that, in this scenario, most likely means she is confused. "Well, I don't understand it. Could you explain?"

She leans back in her seat, her expression fading away into a small smirk, and she does something quite odd. She...rolls her eyes? Why? What does that mean?? I decide not to question it, as human behaviors are so often irrational and weird.

"Okay, sure. So, it's basically when you correlate colors, times, dates, words, letters, and numbers to eachother. Like how 'A' is red." She explains, though it just makes me more confused. How does that work? Do all humans do that?

"But...the letter 'A' is not red."

"Yeah, but they're the same. Like how 42 is a tired mom."

I try my best to look like I'm getting it, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. "Uh-huh... and, all humans experience this?"

She shakes her head, apparently an action which means "no." "Not all. In fact, it can vary. Everyone has it at least to since extent, though. Like how the color red signifies danger, or caution," she shrugs, like it was common knowledge. I quickly write down the information in my notepad; this might be very important for later.

"Okay... and, you have it, I suppose?"

"Yeah. I have whole personalities, colors, letters, and times for letters. Do you get it now?"

Surprisingly, I actually did understand it better, though I probably would never really get it. Humans are just so...confusing. Their logic makes absolutely no sense. I nod, trying to copy the humans body language, and get out of my seat. I walk out of the office, to go report the information to my boss. All the while, I'm left in a state of confusion and disbelief. That sums up humans for you, I guess...

The End! Buh-bye <3

[authormorganlawson]

To celebrate getting all of Boothill’s eidolons (he is the first and only limited 5-star character I have E6’d,) I thought I’d do a little analysis of his eidolon names!

As a warning, this does contain spoilers for both Boothill's backstory and also some of the Trailblaze Continuance Quests!

DUSTY TRAIL’S LONE STAR EIDOLON 1

This depicts a person who is traveling a difficult path on their own, relying on their strength, determination, and resilience to keep pushing forward. I do also think that Hoyo pulled a lot of inspiration from Texas (i.e. “Lone Star”) because it’s a really popular area for cowboy lore, but I do also like it because it ties in nicely with my personal headcanon that Boothill and his home planet are based off of the indigenous Mexican people, specifically the Mexican-American War.

MILESTONEMONGER EIDOLON 2

This one is the most straightforward one of all of them, in my opinion. This is a term that refers to somebody  who likes to roam, a nod to the way that, as a Galaxy Ranger, Boothill is always on the move, never staying in one place for too long.

MARBLE ORCHARD’S GUARD EIDOLON 3

Oh, this is where everything starts to hurt. It’s worth noting that, per his backstory, Boothill never even got the chance to bury all of his loved ones that were lost during the IPC’s attack. But based on the name that he gave to himself when he started his new life as a revenge-seeking cyborg (Boothill = a cemetery for cowboys or a cemetery for those who “died with their boots on,”) that he considers himself to be a cemetery for his loved ones, their memories the gravestones. “Marble Orchard” is also another slang term for a cemetery. I like to think that this eidolon’s name tells us that his primary reason for staying alive is not just to get revenge against Oswaldo Schneider, but because so long as he’s alive, so are the memories of his family. So, he’s guarding those memories.

COLD CUTS CHEF EIDOLON 4 This one is giving me the hardest time. The most obvious thing that comes to my mind is butcher, which makes me think about Boothill giving up his own humanity for the name of revenge, and how he sees himself as little else but a killer. And (this has little to do with the Eidolon name but is something I really like about his character,) this is something, per the Banana Outrage Continuance Mission, Boothill doesn’t necessarily see as a bad thing. When he’s regressed into his childhood self, he tells us that he doesn’t mind killing so long as it’s in the name of justice.

STUMP SPEECH EIDOLON 5 At first I thought that this might have something to do with the way his Synesthesia Beacon censors his vocabulary, but upon Googling the term “stump speech,” I am beginning to think it means something else entirely—the term apparently comes from early American politics where politicians, when campaigning, would saw off a tree stump to stand on it to deliver their speeches. Boothill isn’t a politician campaigning for any office, but he does have a mission that he is solely focused on—avenging his loved ones and planet, getting revenge on Oswaldo Schneider for what he did to Aeragan-Epharshel. And most of his actions are designed to grab the attention of the IPC, per his character story, which is likely to help him get closer to Oswaldo Schneider. He’s standing on a tree stump yelling for the IPC that he’s right here.

CROWBAR HOTEL’S RACCOON EIDOLON 6

This is the most fun name to me. At first, I thought it was some media reference that I was unfamiliar with. But with a little digging, I have discovered that “crowbar hotel” is a slang term for jail, which makes sense! Given that he’s wanted by the IPC and has a massive bounty on his head, the jail reference makes sense. Or, you could look at it from an angstier angle, and consider that he is shackled/jailed by his desire for revenge. But now, where does the raccoon part come in? I am a little hesitant with my answer to this, but I think that they specifically chose raccoon here because raccoons typically represent secrecy and resilience and survival. I do think this suits Boothill very well. While he goes out of his way to make his actions known because he wants the IPC’s attention on him, he is very secretive. We still have not gotten an explanation, in-game, of what really happened to him or his planet. We only know everything from his character story. We did get some information in Banana Outrage, but I think that was mostly due to the fact that Boothill regressed into his child-self. The most he’s ever really told anybody of his mission was when he asked Aventurine where Oswaldo Schneider was. And then, tying it back into the jail thing, he has a massive bounty over his head, and yet he’s never been caught. He’s slippery and practically holding a beacon over his head to allow the IPC to find him, he always manages to evade capture.

So, that’s all I got. Thoughts?

[max1461]

I'm getting suicidal and need this to improve quickly.

Feels like normally I have some... mechanism, that has a variety of functions. It pushes away thoughts that are too upsetting, it occurs when I commit to a specific decision, it occurs when I exhibit emotional inhibition. Basically like something that puts the breaks on my immediate mental state and re-focuses my attention on higher level goals and commitments, or something. It's an inhibitory response I guess. I used to perceive this as a basically internal thing, with a physical correlate: usually when this response would trigger, I would feel a slight kind of "gulp" sensation, like a little bit of muscle movement in my upper throat?

Since I went to the dentist, it's felt like something in the back of my throat is numb or immobile, and therefore I can't trigger this inhibitory response. So my thoughts and emotions are all over the place, I keep feeling it trying to trigger and failing, and it's causing me huge problems.

I don't know which direction this goes. It's possible that it's some kind of tic, maybe I have Tourettes as one neuro suggested, and it's a tic that usually goes off, but it can't because of like nerve damage that's physically impeding it, so there's a build up of the premonitory urge? That certainly accords with a lot of the internal experience of this. Other possibility is like: so when I was at the dentist I was having a panic attack, and so I was intentionally impeding this inhibition response (because otherwise I would have been too afraid to get the local anesthetic shot). I do remember doing this, intentionally impeding this response. And I was panicking pretty hard. And when I was given the anesthetic, like I said, it felt kind of good at first, it felt like my panic was stripped away and my whole body felt warm and so on. So maybe I just... unlearned this inhibitory response in that moment? And I don't know how to trigger it again? Neither the psychological nor the physical side of this response seems to be working. There is a definite sensation that something in the back of my throat is "frozen".

And right, the weird mental imagery. As I've said elsewhere, I've always had very vivid mental imagery, including visuals, sound, smells, everything. Now it hasn't been this vivid in the past, and in the past I've been able to control it, obviously. But it usually is very vivid. I could make it as vivid as it currently is by concentrated sufficiently. The problem is it's like that all the time, and I have no control over the content. But the imagery itself isn't totally unprecedented for me. Two neurologists have mentioned synesthesia as playing a role, which I definitely have.

But, really, I have felt since the beginning that there is only one possible solution to this, which is to get that inhibitory mechanism back again. Can anyone help my brainstorm how I might do this? I have already tried a lot of stuff. I have tried relaxing and letting it come, I have tried focusing really hard and pushing it through. I have tried thinking about things that would normally trigger it. I have tried decoupling it from the physical movement, like trying to simply activate the mental side of it and ignore the physical. All of these have almost worked in the exact same way, where it totally feels like it's gonna come and then just doesn't.

One way or another this is destroying me and I really want a solution.

Oh, right. Right. I have other facial tics (that's the term I'll use), as I've said in other posts, associated with specific emotions. So if I'm sad or happy my face scrunches up in a particular way, etc. I would not previously have distinguished these from just "expressions", other than that presently it's clear there's a premonitory urge. These are also not working? But I think a lot of them also usually co-occur with the inhibitory response, so maybe that's why? One way or another, I have felt them coming out in other places. I have felt them try to trigger in my face, fail, and then trigger in my hand or my stomach. It's the same pattern of movements, immediately and intuitively recognizable as the same tic, but occurring in my hand or stomach. And it triggers a similar-but-alien-and-disconcerting emotional response as the one in my face would trigger. And I feel like as these incorrect tics(?) trigger, I am like relearning all my emotions into these crazy alien things.

I just fucking need this shit to stop. Does anyone have any new ideas?

[ochrearia]

RGB Trio according to my Synesthesia

Been mentioning it on and off for a bit but I experience the world differently. "What is a Synesthesia Portrait?" Good question! I have synesthesia, specifically the one that connects hearing and sight called Chromesthesia. What that means is sounds/songs will trigger visions of shapes and colors for me whenever I listen. Due to this music is a super important part of how I process the world in general, and what I grew up learning was to perceive people's personalities as music too. Everyone has a song out there that encapsulates who they are to me! Even fictional characters if I know enough. So, I bridge the gap and make it so people/characters have these abstract portraits of themselves. Stylized, of course, in reality these forms are much more blurred together than crisp in lines. I just paint them in this way to make it a little more understandable.

I've been a little disconnected from making synesthesia art for some time and this is my way of getting back into it. Turning my blorbos into art because I'm cringe and free. "But they don't really have personalities in FNF" you underestimate my ability to derive pieces of people from the smallest "insignificant" actions. I pay ATTENTION. Here's their songs in order of BF, GF, and Pico-

BF, and I describe him as a goddamn tranquilizer dart to the head because it's correct. Despite being a gremlin piece of shit he's dedicated and confident and stupidly, brainlessly fearless. And his intentions can come off very sweet regardless of him being a menace. Dude's passionate about what he thinks is right and fights for it. Weird how he always seems to win like he overpowers everyone with his own sound, talks them down and placates them without ever needing actual words.

GF, because she may also be a bit (a lot) brainless but it's with an air of mischief and mysticism that feels like dancing a waltz. She seems like the sweetest and kindness person out there because honestly, she probably is. Despite being dumb she's definitely hiding emotional smarts in that pretty head. And she's strong too, strong within herself and strong because she's a demon. But no matter what and no matter how little we end up really seeing her she manages to capture the attention like the way a violin's strings pierce through any sound.

Pico, because he's lived through so much bad and maybe he might end up considering himself bad and unredeemable too. Playing into the idea he's a merciless killer who can be bought into doing anything terrible but he didn't pull the trigger when he was supposed to, twice. Loyal and moral when it comes to the people he cares about. Outwardly spiky and cold like a snowstorm but at the center it's only a soft flurry, lonely and wondering if he's really a lost cause or not. But it's okay, he's got friends that stick around and think otherwise.

[fayes-fics]

hello!! can I please get a drabble that takes place in the 70s with artist boho slut benedict x reader? thank you 🙈

Kinktober: Benedict + Chem / High Sex

Kinktober 2023 Masterlist

Paring: Benedict Bridgeton x fem!reader, Modern 1970s AU

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, use of recreational drugs, sexual acts while high/under the influence, 69 position, oral sex (m to f, f to m) blowjob and cunnilingus, facesitting, vaginal fingering, deepthroat.

Author’s note: hi Nonny. Well, this request immediately made me think of boho hippy artist Ben selling his art at a music festival and voila, a whole AU was born for me. Honestly, this universe was so fun I might write more in the future 😁 Anyway, I hope you enjoy! 🧡

You have a cock in your mouth when the drug kicks in. A corkscrew of colour swimming before your eyes has you pausing to make a noise of surprise, not just because of the fantastic suction around your clit.

“Holy shit….” you mumble, pulling up to take a breather.

“It kicked in, huh?” Benedict smirks as you look down between your legs to his handsome face.

“Yeah… fuckkkkk,” you stutter, unmoored.

This wasn't how you envisioned this music festival going, but damn, if you aren't having the time of your life.

Just an hour ago, you arrived as the sun set, still yet to find your friends, when you stumbled upon a stall selling captivating artwork. You felt utterly compelled to purchase a piece, even before you saw the beautiful, square-jawed, blue-eyed, topless man selling it.

Daisy chains looped into his wavy chestnut locks, flared jeans hanging dangerously low over an Adonis belt—a Grecian statue made flesh. By the time he informed you that he was indeed the artist and, after a few drinks, offered you a tab of something to “start your festival right”, you were already his.

And so here you now, in the back of his VW bus, windows concealed by vibrant tie-dyed fabrics, chemicals coursing in your bloodstream as you bring each other pleasure. Sitting naked upon his face, draped over his warm body, his cock in your mouth. A circuit of decadent, lush delight. And now….

Now, every feeling is heightened.

You dive back onto him with something approaching ferocity, savouring his silken but steely cock passing through your lips, each contour sparking synesthesia behind your eyelids. When his tongue ploughs deep into your pussy it ripples up your insides into your belly, settling as a fire behind your ribs. And when he sucks your clit, it’s as if you can trace the signal racing to your brain from those millions of afferent nerve endings.

Strains of music from the distant soundstage seep through the popped skylight above as his long, artistic fingers swirl patterns on the notches of your spine. His sinewy arms wrapped tight around your hips, encouraging you to use his face and tongue as if he were a vessel built purely for your enjoyment.

And fuck if he isn't—he tastes, embodies, and imbues hedonism. His skin is smooth and smells of citrus, earthy bark and charcoal. His cock is perfect, a delight that fills your mouth and makes your bones liquefy at the idea he might fuck you.

You spiral your tongue around his head in a tempo to match the tattoo his drums over your clit, all your concentration pinpointed on these mirrored movements, sinful unhurried sensualism. Luxuriating as if you have hours to spend together, with no destination in mind other than a memorable experience. 

When he buries two fingers inside you, your cry muffled around his cock, you can feel his smirk in the stubble abraiding your labia. Well, if he wants to notch things a little higher….

Mind looping with rainbows, you take a deep breath and sink until his cock is in your throat. The feral sound he makes hot against your clit like another drug you could get addicted to. He groans your praises, a hand straying into your hair to hold your head down, his plush lips snagging your engorged pearl as you hold still, images of colourful dancing bears before your eyes, each bearing his face contorted with ecstasy. Something about him makes you want to be the best he has ever had. Make him not want to leave your side; make him not want to get dressed ever again; just spend eternity entwined in your body.

You pull up, and then after a few deep sucking draws that have him groaning and begging, you sink down again, fighting the need to breathe, captivated by each novel new image your mind supplies. All the while, he tries to match you, lashing your clit, fingers drumming your g spot as the other wraps your ponytail around his fist. When you whimper around him, his sac tightens against your nose.

“Fuck, I'm going to come,” he growls in warning, yet still you stay, knowing what is coming and craving it.

A pulse runs the length of his cock, and then you feel it, a thick salty rope shooting right into your throast that tastes like victory and desire. You suck and swallow all you can as you pull up, needing to breathe, and as he sings your praises, you nuzzle him, licking him clean as if it was the tastiest treat in the world.

“Your turn,” his warning glittering and smokey with promise. 

It's then you experience your first orgasm high on drugs. Your body on fire as he expertly suckles, swirls, and even bites your swollen, soaked flesh, fingers buried deep in your leaking pussy, like he lives only for your nectar and rapture.

“You taste like heaven,” he groans, as you keep kissing his cock while it softens, something for you to wrap your lips around, to muffle your screams as he pushes you towards heights you have never scaled. Hyperaware of everything: sounds, smells, his touch, the sight of him pinned under you, so very eager to please. You reach out and grab his hand, lacing your fingers together tightly just as you tumble over the edge. 

Fireworks, lightning, strobe lights, all multicoloured, going off in your mind as you float high above as if an untethered balloon, at once a million miles away and yet also rooted so deep in your body, feeling everything in every nerve, every cell, every synapse fire. 

He moves behind you as you collapse to one side, breathlessly panting, mind adrift, curling up almost foetal, overloaded by everything. Wrapping his warm body like a protective shell around you, his nose buried in your hair, his arms caging you, his legs bracketing yours.

“That was transcendent. Truly magical,” he murmurs, dazed, and you have to agree.

No taglist as these drabbles are short

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2024

So yeah uh this was the best year for pop music in like eleven years? And yes, I'm extremely late I know I know

Disclaimers / Rules:

I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these lists. There’s songs that charted in my country way higher than they did in the US, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

No song that I already put on a previous list is elligible.

No old hit song that is re-charting due to a holiday or a trend is elligible either.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible.

I have sound-to-color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Exhausting. Exhausting year. I was recovering from surgery at first, then my workload doubled at my job and I'm not earning a single cent more for that, so I've had to work unpaid extra hours since then. Despite this, I still tried to have fun, and I went to a few concerts ; Sierra in January, Blackout Problems + Fever 333 + Enter Shikari in February, Einstürzende Neubauten in October, and Svalbard + Alcest in December, and all of them were good (Alcest especially, and I'm still not quite over that triple concert a year ago). But yeah, this was a GREAT year for pop music but also music in general!

Albums

Let's preface this list by saying I only listened to Tear by Korine (2023) in 2024, and I'm kicking myself for that because otherwise it would have been one of my fave albums for 2023. Same for Bleed Out by Within Temptation, surprisingly enough

Neuroticfish finally made a new album, and it's called- oh good lord, it's called The Demystification of the Human Heart. I could explain that I love these guys' brand of futurepop because it's mostly about terrible people in terrible relationships written in a weirdly compelling immature way, but the title of the album says it all, really

Kendrick Lamar's GNX, as literally everyone has said already, is really good. Send tweet. Or rather, whatever the bluesky equivalent of a tweet is since I deleted my twitter entirely

Listen to Impossible Light by Uboa if you want to know what your worst nightmares sound like

Indochine is back, with Babel Babel, which is a double album, which confuses me because only half the songs are good, but what's good on it is their best stuff in like ten years, sooooo yeah, I'm not even mad about that

Brat summer will never be over in our hearts and Charli XCX is still on a ton of my playlists to this day

Strawberry Hospital released Nullmatrix and while it might sound crazy to put such an obscure artist next to Charli XCX I think it's one of my most listened-to albums of 2024. It's less than 13 minutes long so you have no excuse

I usually don't even mention OSTs but have you listened to the OST for I Saw the TV Glow?? Transcendant stuff

Sadness released I love you and it's absolutely devastating

Like in 2021, I can't pick a single fave album for this year, so here's four of them, and you'll have to deal with it. It's mostly because they're all extremely different from one another.

Finally, FINALLY, Bring Me The Horizon dropped Posthuman NexGen THREE YEARS LATE. But also it's a full-length album instead of an EP, and while it's not as faultless as Posthuman Survival Horror (partly because of the fact it's *not* an EP), the ratio of great and good tracks versus the duds is ridiculous. I can't even pick a fave single in there (maybe Amen? maybe Lost?) let alone a fave track. Worth the wait, even if I fear for the band's future after Fish decided to quit it.

Nurture by Porter Robinson was one of my most listened-to albums in 2021 and yet I didn't put it at the top of my albums list. I am NOT making this mistake twice with SMILE!. This one has a couple of very energetic songs, almost pop punk at times, and the writing is still on point. Not one bad track in sight. It will make you happy, and nostalgic, and if you have a cat you will hug your cat

I didn't think this album would ever exist. And once it was there, I couldn't believe how insanely good it was. The Cure has been one of my fave bands for twenty years, but I'm mostly listening to old albums (even if my first one was Bloodflowers, surprisingly) and don't really like their recent stuff. But right now, if you asked me to rank all of their albums, I would probably put this one right after Disintegration and The Head on the Door. Not kidding.

I wasn't too familiar with Alcest before 2024, but I heard L'envol sort of by accident, and was completely spellbound immediately. Les Chants de l'Aurore is, at least in my opinion, a flawless album and I can't even describe how it makes me feel, but it's a very intense feeling, that's for sure.

And now, time for some-

Unelligible songs

Let's start with V.A.N by Poppy just to annoy a ton of obnoxious so-called metal fans right off the bat

Now everyone still reading this can listen to L'envol by Alcest which I was mentioning just now. And Flamme Jumelle. And Améthyste. And I'm gonna stop there before I list every single track from the album

Old Radio by Roby Hecht is criminally underrated and by that I mean "still less than 500 views after an entire year"

Ok time for Porter Robinson. Knock yourself out XD still hasn't left my main playlist, same with Russian Roulette, Year of the Cup might be my fave track, and Is There Really No Happiness? is my fave deep cut

Venti Iced Americano by Wicca Phase Springs Eternal is pure vibes, but what vibes

Who wants some trance in Chinese? Cause here's Fallen by 旺仔小乔 and Gareth Emery and it kicks ass

Le Chant des Cygnes by Indochine. That's all

My fave track on the Uboa album I mentioned is Pattern Screamers. Not sure how to describe it. Maybe like "walking through ruins and suddenly getting attacked by a million tar ghosts from Death Stranding halfway through"

For Sure by Ethel Cain. It's Ethel Cain. Should I really say anything else. Yeah that's what I thought

You should listen to the entire Cure album if you haven't already, but A Fragile Thing is a very good cut from it if you just want a sample, and And nothing is forever is my fave track on it

I think I've listened to Transcendental Cha cha cha by Tom Cardy on a loop for hours while working last year, which tells quite a lot about my mental state at the time I think

This year I really got into Clipping. And they immediately decided to drop two great songs which couldn't be more different, I think ; it's Run it, which makes you feel like you're exploring the Matrix, and a cover of Tipsy that makes you feel like you're crowdsurfing at a NIN concert in 1994

Lonely Dancers by Conan Gray will make you want to dance even if like me you're a terrible dancer

For years people told me I'd like Marianas Trench and they never clicked for me, not until 2024 and Lightning and Thunder, that is

I haven't shared a really obscure thing in a while in this list so here's Someone Who Isn't Me by MX Lonely to fix that

Also Kill for me by Nfract

I never was really into Justice but Generator does something for me for once

My fave track from the Neuroticfish album is Bring the Noise

If you want something to listen to while staring at the ceiling at 3am there's Betrayal by Oneheart

Ennaria looks and sounds like a version of Brokencyde that didn't suck completely and I have no idea how to feel about the fact I've listened to Monstarrr more than I'd want to admit publicly

I mentally call anything that sounds like The 1975 "Wii-core" so if you want some great Wii-core here's This Isn't Me by Towa Bird

I have to add something to break the bulletpoints list otherwise Tumblr won't let me post this

At this point I think I've shared every single uh single from the Bring Me The Horizon album in my previous year-end list posts, so now it's time for the deep cuts: Top 10 staTues tHat CriEd bloOd, a bulleT with my namE On it, and R.i.p. (duskCOre RemIx) which might be my fave track on the album actually. And yes that's how the titles are supposed to be written

Oh shit I forgot Charli XCX uuhhhhhh I've lost count of how many times I've replayed B2b and 360 (not sharing the official lyric video cause it causes seizures and ngl it hurts my eyes as well, soooo)

Sirens by Windwaker might be the dumbest song I loved this year and that's saying something

5H4D0W H34R7Z by Ada Rook. Yes that's also how it's supposed to be written shut up

Shit I forgot another Indochine song, Les nouveaux soleils

Trash Boat, who I saw live a while ago before an Enter Shikari concert, finally have a track I sort of like, Be Someone

My non-elligible song of the year is Starburned and Unkissed by Caroline Polachek. I've genuinely spent entire days listening to that track and only that track

Oh also here's Anthems for a Seventeen Year-old Girl by Yeule, or at least the I Saw the TV Glow version of it

Honorable mentions

Truck bed (Hardy) - Terrible song about a garbage person and I can't get it out of my head. Send help.

Lovin on me (Jack Harlow) - I actually hate this. It's here for the same reason as the previous one.

High Road (Koe Wetzel ft Jessie Murph) - ANOTHER bad song about TWO terrible people this time! And I ALSO can't get it out of my head, unfortunately.

Good good (Usher) - Never leave us again, please.

Houdini (Dua Lipa) - Not her best song but still very catchy.

A bar song / Tipsy (Shaboozey) - I'm glad this got so much success even if it's not my fave version of Tipsy that came out that year, weirdly enough (see Unelligible Songs).

Like that (Future & Metro Boomin ft Kendrick Lamar) - Insane beat, and it really hits when you're at the gym. And of course, THAT feature verse that started the biggest musical shitshow I'll probably see in my lifetime

Wildflower (Billie Eilish), Taste (Sabrina Carpenter), Is it over now? (Taylor Swift), Texas Hold em (Beyonce), Fortnite (Taylor Swift ft Post Malone), Please please please (Sabrina Carpenter) - Songs that could probably be on the top 10 if I had actual taste

I love you (Dadju & Tayc) - Really cool duo, really pleasant love song

Lunch (Billie Eilish) - Ping-ponged between the honorable mentions and the 9th spot on the list for AGES. Consider it #11.

THE ACTUAL TOP TEN LIST

This list was INSANELY difficult to make, which is one of the reasons why it took me so long to finish it. So much good music in 2024, it's almost unfair.

10 - Overdrive (Ofenbach ft Norma Jean Martine)

US: not on the list / FR: #58

I hate the trend of making dance tracks based on old classics. This one is based on Cambodia by Kim Wilde.

I love it, because I'm weak and I suck.

9 - Loco (Gims & Lossa)

US: not on the list / FR: #24

The lyrics have no right being this weird and frankly, I wish more people were making rhymes as out of left field as Gims' rhymes. I think my fave one here is "J'arrive en pétard sur un grand écart avec un visu insolite // J'suis dans un building en face de Bill Gates avec des logos maçonniques" ("I arrive in a huff, doing big splits [on a motorbike] with an unusual view // I'm in a building opposite Bill Gates' one full of Masonic logos").

8 - We can't be friends (Ariana Grande)

US: #26 / FR: not on the list

This is mostly here on the strength of the music video, which is absolutely devastating. I never listened to the song without watching the video, they are a package deal for me.

7 - The emptiness machine (Linkin Park)

US: not on the list / FR: #91

As you already know if you've been reading these lists from the start who am I kidding nobody reads these lists, this band used to be hugely important for me. Their return has been somewhat disappointing so far, but I still like this song a lot.

6 - Good luck babe (Chappell Roan)

US: #18 / FR: not on the list

This was a possible number 1 on this list at some point. This is how difficult the list was to make. It's this low mostly because I vastly prefer Pink Pony Club, which, sadly, isn't elligible. YET

5 - Not like us (Kendrick Lamar)

US: #6 / FR: not on the list

Song of the year, whether you like it or not. Thanfully, I absolutely love it, so hearing it a hundred times and more was pretty cool. The only reason it's not higher is that there's another song from the same guy higher on this list. That's it.

4 - Where the wild things are - Luke Combs

US: #70 / FR: not on the list

At first I wasn't listening to this song on purpose, then I realised I felt moved every time I heard it by accident, so I started to listen to it more often, and yeah. Good storytelling, good food. Thank you for this.

3 - i like the way you kiss me (Artemas)

US: #63 / FR: #42

Also a song that was number one on this list at one point. The only reason it's not even higher is that it's inferior to almost everything Korine does in every way, and as an inferior clone, I can't put it higher in good faith.

2 - Euphoria (Kendrick Lamar)

US: #66 / FR: not on the list

If I had published this list in early January, this would have been number one. Not Like Us might have been the big hit, but this one was my favorite of all the diss tracks this trainwreck contributed to create. The writing is insanely good and it's just punchline after punchline after punchline and nearly everything connects. It's been a full year and I'm still not tired of it.

1 - Birds of a Feather (Billie Eilish)

US: #15 / FR: #32

I finally found another song with the same exhausted-but-happy vibes as Meet me at our spot, and weirdly enough, it's the least Billie Eilish song Billie Eilish ever made, for some reason. It took an entire year to grow on me, and it slowly but surely climbed to the top of this list over the course of the past few months, where I was trying to finish writing it and failing repeatedly to do so. And now that it's here, it feels right.

A tired, blissful song for an exhausting year. Perfection. See you, uh, hopefully in 7 months?

[mydisenchantedeulogy]

The Road Ahead || Qin Shi Huang

A/n: my first time writing for this character. This took me a while and I went as far as connecting to my RoR soulmate universe via Yue-Lao, so please enjoy.

Warning(s): implied death, arrogant reader, one-sided opinions, female reader, soulmates, alcohol, make-out, brief oral (f), human and god relationship, rough sex, intense orgasms, mirror-touch synesthesia, and Qi.

No Minors Allowed!!

Humans are savage. Their souls are black and twisted, consuming even those who fight to right their wrongs. It irritates you to see them annihilate themselves with no care for their lives or the ones around them. So it is no surprise that like your fellow Gods and Goddesses, you desire to see them eliminated.

On the eve of Ragnarok, you wait with bated breath as the Gods lay waste to the humans. It isn't until the 3rd match that the life of a God is wiped out, that of the Sea Tyrant, Poseidon. 

You are horrified by his defeat, not certain how a human could win against him. It certainly shows how serious humanity is about living, an action you are both confused by and in awe of.

Why do they fight so hard? 

As you contemplate the question, you carry an ornate terracotta pitcher of wine to the VIP area, as instructed by the senior God of your pantheon as a means to share their condolences to Zeus for his loss. A familiar brute with blond hair, waiting outside, sees you upon drawing near.   

    

"It has been a while," Ares states with a sad smile. 

Too long. You nod briefly. Being close to the Gods and Goddesses of the Greek pantheon has its benefits. One of which is not being immediately struck down for simply speaking to them. 

"You have my condolences, Ares," you utter. "I can not fathom your pain and anger."

He hums. 

"Thank you, my friend."

Trailing his teary eyes down your figure, he raises a curious brow. 

"What is that around your ankles?" 

You hum in question, then glance down to see what he is referring to. Tied around them is a red cord that's length stretches down the hall from which you came.

"How– I must have not noticed it."

Raising a leg, you reach down to remove the cord but it passes through your fingers as if it is intangible. Your eyes widen in concern. 

"It won't come off."

Ares suddenly gasps, gray eyes widening.  

"I know what that is. A God has tethered you."

His face turns red, an action that concerns you.

"It means that you are the soulmate to someone," he explains. "I have only recently learned about this, but a God is responsible for it."

"Why in the hell would someone want to do that?" You ask in shock. 

It makes no sense. There is no reason to pair you with another, considering the fact you are a Goddess. Soulmates are a human concept. Now you have to waste your time figuring out how to remove the cord. An air of annoyance surrounds you. 

This is unbelievable. 

"Are you not going to see who the other end is tied to?" Ares asks suddenly. 

No. Why would you?

"I am not interested," you state. "But I am curious as to who did this to me."

After a moment of deliberating, you groan. 

"Please forgive me for my rudeness, Ares. I must get to the bottom of this."

Giving him a bow, you pace back down the hall before he can stop you. You aren't certain who can shed some light on this mistake, but you imagine the Valkyries might know something, wherever they are. 

You can't promise to be civil with whoever put this damned cord on you. 

Their reasoning had better be a good one.

As far as you know, the Valkyries are partnered with the humans partaking in Ragnarok. One of them has to know about the tether. Near the waiting rooms on humanity's side, you notice someone in the hall, a man of average stature with dark hair that has a single red streak in it. At first, you think nothing of him, but after you witness him lift his foot as though he has lost something, you realize that he is wearing a blindfold. 

"Do you need help?" You ask in curiosity, approaching him.

You have never seen him before, though admittedly, he is pleasant to look at with a handsome face inked with a centipede on his right cheek. An elaborate robe hangs off his broad shoulders, giving you a decent view of his muscular body. He scratches his head with a set of golden nail guards on his right hand and hums.

"Yěxǔ (perhaps)."

You raise a brow.

"I don't–"

Cutting in, he lifts his right hand and aims his pointer and index fingers at you, then directs them down.

"I was pursuing this cord," he states.

Cord? You glance down to see a familiar cord materialize around his ankles. Following the length of it, you notice in horror that he is connected to you.

Oh shit. 

"It's you. I am tethered to you."

The man grins. 

"The road ahead has led me to you."

Your face turns red. What nonsense is this? 

"It is the work of a God. And with any sense we should have it removed."

"You would throw away a blessing from a God?" The dark-haired man asks.

You frown. It is not a blessing.

"We are merely someone's toy."

The man grins. 

"You are fortunate, my rambunctious Goddess. Because you're in the presence of an Emperor and I will aid you in whatever way I can to see it removed."

Your face heats up again. What is with this man? He speaks as if he is–

He…he is a human.

The weight of the situation smacks you in the face like a bucket of ice water. Of course, he is a human. 

"How can this be? What kind of sick joke is this?" You ask in disbelief. 

Why a human soul? It made no sense to you. 

This has to be the dumbest notion I have ever seen. As if I would fall in love with a human. An arrogant one at that.

You sigh in annoyance.

"What is your name?"

Balling his fist in front of his chest, he encircles it with his other hand and bows his head.

"Qin Shi Huang, the first Emperor of China. Wǒ de róngxìng (it's a pleasure)."

You offer him your name and title in exchange, watching him grin in response.

"You are paired with a Valkyrie, are you not?" You ask. "Do you know where she might be?"

Qin nods.

"Perhaps my waiting room. But I have no idea where that might be."

You wonder if he had walked away not realizing that he was in his room. It must be hard to see with that blindfold over his eyes. 

"Let's just retrace your steps."

"Very well," Qin agrees.

He turns and saunters down the hall, giving you a view of his back. There is another centipede tattooed on him, running down the length of his backbone and vanishing in his robes. You have the urge to reach out and trace it with your fingertip and see where it goes, but you ignore it and follow close to the former emperor. 

Further down the corridor, you notice a massive hole damaging the ornate wall. It appears recent, but the plaster and smoke are clear from the air. How strange.

How did this happen?

Qin veers closer and steps through the hole to the other side.

"What are you doing?" You ask in disbelief. 

"Retracing my steps," he answers. 

Your eyes widen. Did he make this hole? Is he unhinged? 

Following him through the debris into another corridor with your hand over the pitcher, you notice a hole in the opposite wall too.

"Are you serious? Look at all this damage," you chastise him. 

Why are humans like this? Destructive and careless. 

"The road is where I lead," Qin states. 

You honestly have no idea what that means. With an uneasy breath, you allow him to lead you into a vacant room with a plush couch and a bed. It seems as though he tore through this room too. 

Why did he not just use the door?  

Deviating from the path of destruction, Qin sits on the couch and brings his legs onto the seat, crossing them. 

"This will do," he points out to himself. "Would you bring me that alcohol you are toting around? I'm parched."

Does he smell the wine?

"It isn't for you. I was to deliver this pitcher to Lord Zeus as a–"

"Come here," the human interrupts as he motions you closer. 

The nerve of him, Emperor or not. You narrow your eyes in irritation, but to humble him, you take a seat beside him. Between the cushion, you notice a tablet used to spectate the fights.

"The next round should be starting soon," you utter, eager to see who the Gods have chosen to avenge Lord Poseidon. 

Sliding out the tablet, you groan as Qin takes the terracotta pitcher from you. He clearly doesn't listen. You watch in annoyance as he lifts the ladle attached to the inside and takes a drink.

"Hǎo (nice)! This wine is delicious."

No kidding. 

"It was made special by the divinities in my pantheon," you mention.

"They have my gratitude," Qin states. 

It wasn't made for him. You open your mouth to chastise him again, but the tablet in your hand beeps as it comes on, showing the arena. It appears to be rebuilt in a modern city style that you have never seen before.

"Still not my turn, it seems," Qin mentions. "I grow tired of waiting."

You grin. 

"Whoever you are paired with will be no doubt strong."

"Moumantai (not to worry), I am strong too," he counters. 

And delusional. 

How does he expect to fight with a blindfold over his eyes? You raise your hand and wave it in front of his face, making him grin. 

"I can see you," Qin states.

"Then what is the reason for the blindfold?" You ask. 

The man grins and raises a finger to his lips. You tighten your jaw. 

"Keep your secrets, former Emperor. I don't care."

"Share a drink with me and I will tell you," Qin suggests. 

Didn't he hear you? Watching him set the pitcher in his lap, he dips the ladle into it and offers you a drink. To humble him, you ease closer, however, before you can reach out and take it, he gently grasps your chin and slants back your head with the ladle to your lips. 

The tart yet sweet red wine quickly pours into your mouth, but you are too far enamored in the gorgeous smile of Qin Shin Huang to swallow. And to your horror, the wine overflows and leaks down your chin onto his hand. 

Once this processes, you pull away in embarrassment, drinking it down in a rush. And to make matters worse, the emperor doesn't scold you. He merely laughs and brings his hand to his mouth to lick the wasted wine from his fingers. Your face heats up and your heart pounds against your chest in protest. What did he do to you?

 

"W-what was that? Whatever you are trying to do, you had better stop."

Qin hums.

"I was merely sharing a drink with my goddess." 

Bullshit. And I am not his. He is just a human…an incredibly attractive human, but that makes no difference. 

This has to be the work of the tether. You stand, clutching the tablet.

"We need to get this cord removed–"

"Sit," Qin orders. 

For some reason your body obeys. You don't move a muscle after that, waiting for him to react. He does so by motioning toward the tablet.

 

"I refuse to leave until I have seen the next match." 

Like a robot, you hand him the device. He takes it and grins. 

"Come closer. Watch it with me." 

You suppose he has every right to spectate. The cord isn't hurting you, though you fear whatever unwanted emotion it brings next. For the next few minutes, you sit close to Qin Shi Huang, watching the fourth round. 

As you had expected, the Greek Pantheon sent out a mighty warrior to avenge Poseidon, Hercules, the God of Fortitude. 

His opponent, however, is a man the statistic board is claiming to be an infamous murderer.

"What nonsense was that Valkyrie thinking?" You utter in disbelief, referring to Brunhilde.

"He is a fine choice," Qin claims.

You give him a look of shock. 

"Already he has withstood blows from the big guy that no human could. His understanding of the battlefield and speed make him an excellent countermeasure against his opponent," the Emperor continues. 

You sigh. This might be so, but to choose such a man as Jack the Ripper is absurd. It makes you wonder what tricks the man beside you has up his sleeves. Could it be his eyes? Does he possess something like Adam's 'Divine Reflection' or Kojiro Sasaki's 'Senju Musō'?

Lifting your arm, curiosity gets the better of you, but as your finger brushes the corner of his blindfold, he reaches up and grabs your wrist. 

"You said you would show me," you remind him. "Or am I to assume the first Emperor of China is a liar?"

He releases your wrist so that you can continue. Sinking your finger beneath the cloth, you slid it down to reveal his gorgeous, pale eyes. The centipede tattoo ends just below his right eye and each is lined in red.

"It's not a blessing or an innate ability, is it?"

"Mirror touch synesthesia," Qin answers. "If I see someone hurt then I too will receive the same injury, but inverted. It's a condition that I was born with, but I don't see it as such anymore. It is thanks to this skill that I am best suited to be a king. Because I can feel the pain of others."

You widen your eyes in shock. What a strange condition.

"That sounds unbearable."

You opt not to agree with him. His skill does suit his trade, however. A king who can empathize with his people is an effective ruler. You suppose he has that going for him at least. But to what extent?  

"Humans are still savages."

"Gods are no better," Qin states. 

Your eyes widen. He has no–

But he is right. Deities are no better. 

"We are offering you mercy," you point out. 

"By taking away the wills of man? That isn't mercy…that is control. And that notion is why we fight. So humanity can live and die as they please," Qin explains.

You have never heard it said like that. The Gods have always dictated humankind. No wonder they despise the deities.

"We never cared to ask."

Qin grins. "Because you are arrogant and afraid. And that is why we will win."

He seems so sure. You snort. 

"What is so good about being a human? We have longer lives, better lovers, and Godly powers that humans often desire." 

"Better lovers, you say," Qin repeats with a laugh. 

Is he in doubt?

"I have never met a human able to captivate me," you mention. 

While you have lusted after a few, none of them have been able to satiate your passion quite like one of your kind.

"You are not searching hard enough," Qin claims.  

As if. You snort in response. 

Raising his hand, he motions you closer. And like before, you lean in. 

"I shall show you."

Your face turns red. Is he saying that he will–

"I'll care for you like the goddess you are," Qin cuts in. His hand cups your cheek. "You have my word as an Emperor."

As appealing as this sounds, you would rather he not. But the offer you will gladly take. You are not against a fun time and this man has the charisma to lure you to the pits of Helheim with him. 

"Or fuck me like the ill-behaved woman I am." 

Qin traces his thumb over your bottom lip, then slides it into your open mouth, pressing down on your tongue. 

"How lewd you are, my Goddess."

He has no idea. Deities are often easy. A fine case in point is this moment. 

Removing his thumb from your mouth, Qin leans in to give you an open mouth kiss. He takes the opportunity to slide his tongue against yours, humming as you kiss him back. The lingering taste of wine urges you to close your lips around him, sucking eagerly on his tongue until he breaks the kiss. You watch in confusion as he grabs the pitcher, tossing it from his lap; it shatters against the nearby wall, staining it red. 

Before you can berate him for wasting the offering to Zeus, he pulls you into his lap. One hand slides around your waist while the other cups your face, leading you into another heated make-out. The wine is far from your mind now, especially with the cock that is pressed into your crotch. 

Gods I want him. 

To emphasize your thought, you reach down to stroke him through his pants. The low moan that pours from his mouth gives you goosebumps. You want to hear him come undone. Burying your fingers in his dark hair, you angle your head to kiss him deeper, however, the kiss is interrupted once he stands with you. In shock, you wrap your arms around his broad shoulder and lock your legs around his waist. The amusing look on his face makes you narrow your eyes in irritation. It seems he's desperate to be the one in control. 

Taking you over to the bed, he sets you down and then reaches behind himself to untie the robes around his arms. You waste no time removing your clothes, tossing them to the side in a messy heap. Once Qin is bare, you scoot to the middle of the bed and motion for him to join you. He does so, spreading your legs to position himself over you. His hard cock slides against your outer lips and you tighten your jaw, eager for him to continue. 

Sliding into you, he bottoms out and hits your cervix in a way that makes your body tighten and your heart flutter. You pant softly. 

"Does this bring you solace, my ill-behaved lady?" Qin asks, gently thrusting his hips. 

You eagerly nod. Yes, so much so. He feels incredible, more than you counted on. You want more, so much– 

But to your annoyance, he suddenly stops. A look of amusement crosses his handsome features and you know something is wrong. It dawns on you too late that it's not control he's aiming for, it's your atonement. He gave you just enough to make you crave him, then he took it away. 

You fear that you have been too snobbish toward the former emperor. It did not cross your thoughts that he would try to discipline you.

"Don't make me beg," you demand.

It takes everything in you not to whine, especially with his cock stretching you so well.

"I don't want you to beg me," Qin states with a grin. "I want you to admit that you need me. Not because a God bound us, but because you want this."

Is he serious? You tighten your jaw. As much as you want to deny him, you do want this. You want to come undone by him. The moment you felt your body react to him, you knew this would be intense.

Do I have to?

Can he not feel how bad you want him? You were wet before he even put his cock inside you. 

Withdrawing from you, he snorts as you narrow your eyes in frustration. But instead of teasing you, he sinks between your thighs and runs his tongue over your clit. A surge of hot pleasure zips through your body, forcing your muscles to tighten in response. You moan and clutch the sheets beneath you. For a human, he isn't half bad.

Taking your clit into his mouth, Qin gently sucks on it, drawing desperate moans from you. He continues to play with you until your body tenses, eager to come undone. However, he does not allow it. 

You whine in response, giving him a wretched look as he sits up and wipes your arousal from his lips. His eyes are different than before, you note. A star pattern is in each pupil.

"Your eyes," you point out.  

Qin darts them across your body and grins.

"I wasn't completely honest about what I can do with these. In battle, this ability is most beneficial, but I can use them here too, to see your Qi flow."

"Qi flow?"

Your face heats up. What the hell is a Qi flow? 

"It is the energy in everything. The life force that every person and thing has." He pauses to run his fingers across your chest and stomach, grinning as you arch into his touch. "And I can see its flow. How stressed you are, your Qi is stagnant." 

And he wonders why. He's teasing you to no end. But you understand his meaning. 

"You are a cruel man," you utter. 

Qin snorts and grabs your right thigh, turning you on your stomach. Your back arches in response as he trails his fingers down your spine; the guards tickle your skin on the way down. If you weren't so turned on by his teasing, you would have choked him out.

Resting his hands on your hips, he slides his cock into you again, humming as you sigh in relief.

Every quick and rough thrust rocks your body, stimulating your clit as the mattress rubs against it. Soft moans pour from your mouth as your muscles tighten. To get a better feel, you arch your ass against him.

Why does he feel this good? A mere mortal driving you to tears as he aims to fuck you senseless. And with the tension in your stomach growing quickly, you know you won't last. 

Will he even let you cum this time?

"Please," you utter. "I need this…I need you."

You are honest. You don't want him to stop; you need him to let you come undone. The tension is driving you insane.

"Shi Huang, please."

Qin does not offer an assuring word, however, his fingers clutch your hips as he thrusts into you harder than before. It feels like he's knocking the breath from you. Half-assed moans and broken sentences escape you as the surges of pleasure begin to increase. You aren't sure, in the end, if he utters something in old Chinese due to the ringing in your ears, but the aspect alone tips you over the edge.

Your body tenses up as an intense orgasm washes over you, forcing your walls to flutter around him and your eyes to roll back in bliss. An embarrassing trail of saliva leaks onto the mattress from the corner of your mouth as your brain seems to short-circuit from the build-up.

You've never felt this way before, satisfied by a human. Why can't it last? The feeling of bliss slowly ebbs away, but the former emperor is not at all done. His thrusts are just as rough as before, rocking your exhausted body. 

He gave you what you needed, there was no reason not to do the same for him.

You arch your hips again, catching out of the corner of your eye as two of the finger guards he wears are tossed aside. A hand slides beneath your thighs and slowly a finger circles your clit.

"W-wait," you whine in protest. 

You are still rather sensitive from the orgasm, but it isn't too intense to take satisfaction in.  Small shocks of pleasure and pain consume you. A film of sweat covers your brow as you press your face into the mattress. It feels as though your body is on fire; the only comfort comes from the cool bite of the nail guards on Qin's left hand as he presses them into your hips. 

Hearing him moan in pleasure, his fingers slip from your clit as he pulls his cock from your sore walls. A rush of cum hits your upper thighs a moment later, but you don't mind. Your weight presses down onto the mattress and you lie there for a moment to catch your breath, basking in the cool air as it consumes you. 

Once you are content, you sit up on your shaking legs, turning to face Qin. He looks worse off than you. His short bangs are stuck to his forehead and his body is covered in a sheen of sweat. You reach up and slide his hair back, resting your palm against his cheek.

"Why do you look more wrecked than I feel?" You ask with a snort. 

"My condition," Qin answers. He leans his cheek against your hand. "Moumantai (not to worry), I am fine."

His condition? Mirror touch synaesthesia? You do not understand.  

"I thought it only hurt you if someone was wounded."

"It ascended long ago to the point where extreme sentiments affect me, generally unfavorable sentiments. This is a shock," Qin explains. 

Your eyes widen. Is he suggesting that you are the one who–

"Are you hurt?"

Qin snorts.

"Bù (no). It feels pleasant. A surge of lightning burst through me."

How strange. You sigh. So long as he isn't hurt. This look, however, is good on him. Qin gently removes your hand from his face and scoots to the edge of the bed. You crawl up behind him, running your finger down his spine, tracing the tattoo on his back. 

"You know, for a human, you are quite divine."

Qin laughs. 

Much to your displeasure, he stands and faces you, eyes gleaming with the same ability he used to see your flow of Qi.

"I have decided to claim you as my empress," he responds, lifting his hand toward you. 

Your face heats up. Is he serious? 

"I am not a mere human," you argue in response. "You can not just lay claim to me."

No more than he already had.  

Besides, you have no idea why you were tethered to him. It certainly wasn't for you to become an empress. You are beyond those titles. And he should be too, seeing as he is not alive anymore. 

"When I win my battle, will you accept me as a soulmate and your king?" Qin asks. 

You tighten your jaw. Is there any chance for him to win? You don't know who his opponent will be, but you are certain the Gods on the list are strong. 

Thinking back on what he had said earlier, you hum. The will to live and die however humankind desires is much stronger than you can comprehend. If Qin Shi Huang is strong enough to take on a God then perhaps the humans have a good chance to win.

Perhaps I am wrong. 

Reaching for his finger guards, which were tossed onto the bed near the top, you hand them to him. 

"Should you come out first, then I will consider it."

Qin grins. 

"Hao (nice)! Come find me after the match."

You sigh. He has your blessing.  

–

Lord Hades is dead?

You can't believe it. Qin beat him. With haste, you walk toward the infirmary, ignoring curious looks from your fellow Gods and Goddesses. It takes some convincing to see him, but once you point out the red cord, the healers let you inside. It's strange but perhaps they do not see you as a threat to him. 

Or perhaps he knew that you would accept him.

Qin is barely alive, missing his left arm. There are various lacerations across his body, but somehow he is breathing. The healers advise you that he needs assistance, so you rush to his side and take his remaining hand as they prep his bed. He's going to be in their care for a while. 

"I am here," you assure him.

Qin grins weakly and grips your hand.

"Hǎo (nice)!"

You snort. This human is a pain.

It could very well be the tether controlling me…but I will wait here as long as I need to.

"Rest, my king." 

[acatnamedpusheen]

Question tag game

Thank you my dear @stellamarielu for tagging me! Time to yap and overshare *rubs hands like a fly*

Do you make your own bed?

Nope! I just messily throw the sheets remotely back to their place when I want to sit and scroll on tiktok for hours.

Favorite number?

I don't think I have one? But I have grapheme-color synesthesia and all numbers have a color so I'd say 2 that is red and 6 that is pink look really cute (I'm not crazy guys just Google this it's a thing)

What's your job?

I'm currently jobless :") because I've devoted my time and savings to taking dance classes because I want to become a professional and a teacher.

If you could go back to school, would you?

Nope, not in a million years. I got bullied and was constantly getting rejected and ended up alone every time plus I hated having to study all these things that never interested me, not to even mention maths...

Can you parallel park?

I don't even have a license hahah and I'm a bit scared of driving but I know I can't let that fear deter me from trying some day.

Do you think aliens are real?

I don't know, I do think there must be forms of life somewhere in the vastness of the universe.

Can you drive a manual car?

Again, I don't have a license I've never even sat in the driver's seat lol

What's your guilty pleasure?

Does reading smut before bed count? :""")

Any phobias?

I have a pretty bad fear of heights and acrophobia to the point that sometimes it gets difficult for me to go on some escalators that go up in malls and stuff but I pull through. Also I have a fear of BUGS, like I once saw a roach in the bathroom and felt like passing out. Aaand I'm scared of hospitals, serious injuries, needles. I feel lightheaded at their sight.

Favorite childhood sport?

I HATED sport when I was young because I was a literal fat couch potato and when they made us play sports in school nobody ever chose me to be in their team and I was always left last to join whichever team was just missing a member and I hated running around so everyone was yelling at me for not being a good player. Not sure if it counts but I did enjoy when we were doing traditional dances in school. I guess my passion for dancing didn't come out of nowhere after all.

Do you talk to yourself?

ALL THE TIMEE. And I do all kinds of accents in English lol. It might not me my mother tongue but I usually choose English when I talk to myself.

Tattoos?

I've got 4 lol. And I know I said I'm scared of needles and I was almost shitting myself when I went to get my first one but let me tell you tattoos feel different. Also 3/4 where done in spots that I couldn't see the needle during the process (nowhere nasty y'all calm down) but during that 4th last one on my wrist when I looked at the needle doing its thing I felt dizzy so I kept looking away :")

Favorite color?

Purrrrrpleeeee I don't know why. And I just realized that not a single number has the color purple through my synesthesia eyes... omg nooo

Do you like puzzles?

Hear me out: I used to be the BIGGEST puzzle nerd when I was in like pre-primary/primary school! I had TONS of them and I'm talking even those 1000 and 5000 pieces ones. I'd splay all the pieces on the big table and spend hours trying to put everything together. Fun times. It's been years since I made one but I'd really love do it again sometime!

Tagging anyone who feels like oversharing and ditching their mysteriousness today lol

[twilightmalachite]

Wish - Tangled Up 1

Characters: Natsume, Sora, Tsumugi, Esu, Kanna, Yume

Translation: Mika Enstars

"NoW, that asIDE, there is something I need to addreSS. Sora, there’s something you’ve been hiding from uS, isn’t thERE?"

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Season: Summer

Location: Starmony Dorm Common Room

Meanwhile, in the Starmony Dorm Common Room…

Natsume: —Sora, first oFF, wonderful job with your performance in 4piece.

You did spectacular fighting through those seven grueling days in The Arena.

Sora: Yes! Sora did his best to prove to Shisho~ and Senpai that Sora has grown!

Natsume: FuFU, so you wanted to show us your groWTH, hUH, Sora?

I had gotten worried when you said you wanted to participate in 4piece.

4piece is quite the large auditION. With the small number of seats there wERE, it was clear it was going to be a fierce competitION.

The idea of leaving you all by yourself somewhere so brutal had me distrauGHT…

What’s mORE, The Arena seemed to be the most rigorous out of the four venUES.

Natsume: I even began to consider cursing that strange producer who placed you into such a venUE.

Sora: HaHa~, thank goodness NiceP is safe~?

Natsume: HowevER, despite thIS, you managed to rise victorious in such a relentless venUE. My heart is filled with prIDE.

Your power has grown so remarkably that even three mopheads would prove to be no match for yOU.

NoW, that asIDE, there is something I need to addreSS. Sora, there’s something you’ve been hiding from uS, isn’t thERE?

Sora: …Yes. Truth is, since the day 4piece began, Sora’s strange “eyes” seem to be the same as anyone else’s.

Natsume: I knew something was oFF. When I had seen you off for 4piece, I had sensed that you were a tad uneASY.

The same as everyone elSE’S… In other worDS, at that tIME, you had lost your synestheSIA?

I had figured you were probably nervous for such a big auditION. To think you had lost your ability to see “coLOR”…

Why didn’t you say anythING?

Sora: Sorry. When Shisho~ saw Sora off, he could still see “color”. But after that, it started to disappear, little by little…

Sora’s smartphone was confiscated upon arriving at the venue, so he couldn’t reach out to talk.

Natsume: You don’t need to apologIZE, Sora. No, I’m sorry for saying it in a way that sounded like I was blaming yOU, okAY?

It’s juST, I feel shocked as weLL. I feel terrible for not being able to be the one there to help you when you were troubLED.

Sora: That’s not true~! Shisho~ and Senpai were a constant help to Sora!

Sora was able to make it through The Arena thanks to Hina-chan and Jun-chan-senpai fighting alongside him, but…

Even so, it’s all thanks to Shisho~ and Senpai that Sora was able to keep standing without giving in~!

Shisho~ and Senpai was Sora’s strength, even if Shisho~ and Senpai weren’t there!

Natsume: We shamefully failed to notice that there was something different with yOU, Sora. It’s okay to blame uS, okAY?

Sora: Sora doesn’t. Shisho~ and Senpai are the best magicians there are, always helping Sora, wherever he may be~! ♪

Natsume: FuFU, you truly are kIND, Sora.

Are your eyes still like thAT?

Sora: Yes. …Does Shisho~ think Sora’s eyes will stay like this forever?

Natsume: HmM, it’s possible it might be something psychologicAL, but… I can’t say for suRE. I’m no expert in the fiELD.

If an amateur like me attempts to do something to restore it without the tact it requiRES, it might get worSE. We may just have to wait and sEE.

If there’s anything else that changES, don’t hesitate to reach out to mE, okAY?

Sora: Of course! If anything happens, Sora will definitely come to Shisho~ about it~!

Natsume: AlrigHT, weLL, I’ll stop with the lecturing heRE.

Today was meant to be a day of celebration for you becoming selected for a Dream Unit, after aLL. CongratulatIONS, Sora, from the bottom of my heART.

Sora: HiHi~! Today, Sora’s the star of the show~! ♪

Natsume: Sigh… And that four-eyed mophead is busy with work only at important times like theSE. He’s beyond savING.

Sora: HuHu~, Senpai seems to have been really busy lately, hasn’t he?

Natsume: Seems like rather than just Senpai, the entirety of NewDi has been in a fluRRY.

You know those newcomer idols who participated in the auditION, rigHT?

It seems like our agency will be taking in the brand new unit they’re all iN.

Sora: Sora knows about that too! Kan-chan’s part of that unit~!

Natsume: Kan-chan? AhH, Natsu Kanna-kun, the one who was with you in The Arena, was iT?

AnyhOW, that unit appears to be a bit of a special case of a unIT.

It’ll be affiliated with NewDi, howeVER, I hear their production will be handled by NiceP, who is affiliated with Thunderbolt.

I was watching as Senpai showed them around for their admission yesterDAY, bUT…

Location: NewDi Office Conference Space

Flashback to the visit, with Tsumugi giving Esupuri their tour around the agency office…

Esu: —We’ll be under the care of this agency from here on! I am Esu, from Esupuri. It is great to meet you!

Kanna: I am Kanna. It is great to meet you.

Natsume: And you as weLL. I am Sakasaki Natsume, I look forward to working with yOU.

Tsumugi: I’m Aoba Tsumugi, I serve as NewDi’s Vice President. If you ever need assistance, you can always count on me, okay? ♪

Yume: Hmph, you’re this agency’s Vice President? In that case, Yume has a quick question for you.

Tsumugi: Yes, what is it?

Yume: Yume is exhausted after all the explanations from so many people. Don’t you have tea?

Esu: Hey now, who do you think you are?!

You don’t talk like that right from the first greeting!

Tsumugi: Ahaha, I apologize. I kept you all waiting without even serving tea…

Esu: No, no, please don’t worry about it! Instead, I apologize about Yume! I’ll have him thoroughly reprimanded…!

Tsumugi: Oh no, there’s no need to make yourself so humble. I have some tea prepared right away.

By the way, weren’t there not three members in Esupuri, but four?

Esu: Huh? Yes, that’s right, but…

Wait, huh? Where did Raika go off to?!

Kanna: If you’re asking about Raika-san, he went with some people from the agency who asked if he’d like some sweets.

They seemed to find it amusing and his “reaction” to be “cute”, but he looked to be happy, so I let it be.

Esu: Well that’s fine, he looked happy…!

Esu: —is what we’re NOT going to say!

Oh come on, you guys just do whatever you want! I can’t babysit you all on my own!

Tsumugi: Fufu, young ones are so full of energy, it warms my heart. ♪

Location: Starmony Dorm Common Room

End of flashback. Present day…

Natsume: What’s he on about with that ‘young ones are heartwarmingly full of energy’ tALK? You’ve been made a fool of completELY, you know that Senpai?

Sora: HeHe~! Grand ol’ newcomers have arrived~!

It’s for Kan-chan and the other’s futures. It can’t be helped that Senpai’s so busy~!

Natsume: I know that it’s an important mattER, but it shouldn’t take priority over a celebration for yOU, Sora.

In the first place, that sort of work is the responsibility of the president anyhOW.

SheeSH. Just how long does our president intend on shoveling everything onto Senpai fOR…?

Sora: Speaking of, Senpai said that the president will be coming back from overseas today.

Natsume: AhH, he did mention thAT, didn’t hE? Those newcomer idols made such an impression on me that I had forgotten all about thAT.

Natsume: Our president's presence is like a shadow even in respects like thAT. Eventually, he’ll end up wiped from my own memory for goOD.

How about we go and check on Senpai and go and see the face of our president while we’re at iT?

I have to complain to him about how he’s been working Senpai to the bone before I forget about him completeLY…

[ ☆ ]

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[noraiir-arts]

Does anyone else have very complicated ways of shipping?? like when i say "i ship them" i don't mean "oh they love each other so much they kiss each other and will be together forever" i ship characters but in a way that's unique to only them and/or only in certain scenarios

Like, for example Zelink- I think pre-calam zelink was one sided, i dislike post-calam zelink, but i sort of like totk zelink (yes i know they are the same two people) but only certain dynamics??? but i also think that its the type of love that goes unsaid, they just look out for and support each other, maybe its not entirely romantic but they are closer than friends. It's the type of closeness you can only get by knowing that no matter what lifetime you are in the other will always be there. I don't think its necessarily the type where they hide behind pillars to make out, or try to stay in a committed relationship, but more of a tired love, one that has been renewed throughout hundreds of lives, each time being something different.

But take skyward sword, i believe that it's easier to see romantic zelink here

or Miphlink - I don't really ship this, but it's a tragic one-sided love story that Mipha knew was doomed from the beginning. The other woman. Was never given enough time to tell Link how she felt, yet even if she had time he might not have returned her feelings. Now he barely remembers her. Maybe 100 years later she's a little embarrassed of herself, of what she wrote in her diary. Maybe it was a simple crush, mistaken for undying love and has dwindled over the past century. But now it's a sad love, the type where she grieves for what used to be, and what never will. But after being saved from Ruta she switches her sights towards the domain. She can see how much her brother has grown and is so proud of him. She knows Link will never remember her fully, but maybe it's for the best. No matter what, she will always be there to heal his wounds.

Tbh i was dragged into Revalink kicking and screaming, but now it's one of my favorites. - Their dynamics work so well, but oh no it's so sad. Started from a one-sided "rivalry" to some sort of friendship. Link never hated Revali, he didn't even dislike him. And Revali just wanted Link to be impressed, to understand why he was chosen for his role as pilot, and he wanted Link to prove himself to Revali (honestly i can go on a on about why revali was harsh to link in botw if anyone wants me to) But over time they both start to realize that they are more similar to each other than any of the other champions. They weren't born into noble families or blessed with magic. Revali learns about the vigorous training Link underwent after pulling the sword, and Link learns that Revali isn't the son of the elder or was an important figure in his village before becoming a champion, but a simple warrior just like Link. Their friendship grows and they become a great team, surprising mostly everyone. Maybe it grows into something more. Maybe neither of them know it. Maybe they just never admit it. Revali knows Link doesn't remember him. He doesn't want him to. He tells Link not to go asking about him to the princess. It's for the best, he will still be there to help Link after all. Maybe it's cruel to keep him from knowing. Well, Revali will be gone soon anyway. Maybe he hopes that Link will at least remember good things about him.

Honestly I love revalink aus, they are my fav!!

I think of Zelimpa (aoc) like a mix of how i described miphlink and revalink but im too tired to explain it rnnnnn

oh also urbosa/zelda's mom but i think that goes unsaid

but anyway these are just a few. Most of the time i can't use words to exactly explain something pictured in my head, (synesthesia is so silly) but i tried my best

[qveenpoppy]

onto episode 3:

so, if wolf misremembered the greenhouse thing, how can we be sure any of the memories we see via flashback are accurate? (i know that's not revealed till the end of the episode, but i just remembered it as the episode started)

muriel giving oliver advice on how to water the resurrection fern is our primary clue that his greenhouse memory is inaccurate (she also makes a little face when oliver refers to what he did, taking the plant into the shower with him (so it could receive water via mist), as "dad's tip", even though it's essentially what she'd just advised him to do (mist the plant))

am i better than the interns bc i know both who taylor swift and the three stooges are? (not that i ever really watched the three stooges, but i at least know of them and their names)

if van suffers from mirror-touch synesthesia, why did he experience a phantom seizure when emily had her real one? maybe i just misunderstand what that condition entails. i figured it was just when he touched someone that he'd feel what they do.

(nevermind, it's explained when wolf diagnoses him that it's not just through touch, but talking to - and, in that case, i guess being around - other people, where he'll feel what they feel. kinda explains the opening of the episode, where he walks in with headphones on to block out all the chaos and conflict of the people on the floor, so he wouldn't feel what they do.)

speaking of, this ties into something i noticed in the last two episodes but didn't comment on - i feel like jacob and van are very much opposites. not just in the fact that jacob's like this cocky jock type while van is more soft and sensitive. van has a lot of empathy for people, probably due to his synesthesia, while jacob kinda... doesn't. not that he has 0 empathy, he just doesn't seem to put himself in the patients' shoes all that easily, unlike van, who i guess does it a little too well. i'm not pointing this out to say one character is better than the other, but it might play into the love triangle with ericka. (also, kinda makes me wonder why jacob got into medicine at all. i know it's bc his football career ended, but why not go into another field? business? marketing? something where his occasional overconfidence would better benefit him?)

"not all memories are worth revisiting." hmm, guessing this is a reference to some messy things that happened with papa wolf? like maybe memories of him on his bad days? or how he died to begin with (assuming it wasn't actually on that camping trip)?

also laughed out loud at the campy little workout mix/"dustin from abs class" scene. god, do i live for wolfnichols shenanigans. they're so sillyyyyyy. my silly little doctor boys (who are actually old(er) men)

i think the first time i watched this episode, i figured noah (papa wolf) was lying on the couch due to a physical ailment. like he was genuinely sick from something, practically bedridden. but the show keeps implying his issues were psycho- or, probably, neurological, so was it more like a depressive episode? which was part of a bigger problem? i wanna know what was wrong with him so bad, i can't figure it out!

and also, again, if oliver shut that bad memory of his dad out, who can say what else he shut out, altered, or repressed in regards to his dad's struggles? like i said, did his dad actually die (or just disappear) on that camping trip? or did he die some other time, some other way, that oliver was aware of or bared witness to, but he blocked it from his memory bc it was too traumatic? does he have any actual responsibility for how his dad died?

[goldom]

I'm finally starting HSR 3.0 and since I can't resist babbling about it in real time, it should probably be here behind a spoiler warning for anyone coming even later than I am.

Part 1 of many

...hey guys... yall been.. standing there waiting for me for two weeks?

cmon hoyo let me do the funniest thing ever

lol do it

foreshadowing.txt

YOU CAN'T just make your "eternal world" an infinity sign hoyo CMON

HMMM I wonder how that might happen, SUNDAY

March sounds so weak ;_;

Welt wants to go adventurin' cmon Himeko let him out to play

aww yeah, saucer separation! This is gonna be a good episode

This is why you don't let Stelle drive

Dan Heng you're just gonna lie to their faces like that lmao

If you revisit March before leaving she warns you that the first person you've met on every world has had a dark secret. Five seconds later "Mem mem?"

Hey, my bat!

...baby.

Ah, this is Tribbie, whose name I always read as tribble.

Stelle, please pay attention to the ominous bold words in her dialogue.

Elysia spotted

why are they confused about understanding the local language? Isn't that what the synesthesia beacon is for?

Nice of the Suffering Masses to be on display for us to witness so easily

"That darn Finality!"

Who let saurians into my star rial

"Suffering is bad for your health" no shit buddy

game crashed? HSR has literally never crashed for me before. Nor has Genshin for that matter (but boy ZZZ sure did a lot in 1.0)

Tri-bbie

No one tells the Galactic Baseballer what to do!

I've been on this shitty planet for 5 minutes and I'm already killing god. Either we got here at a super-convenient time, or there's some time loop shenanigans going on.

Excuse me, Stelle can just *poof* down a space anchor wherever she wants?

Hey team, Amphoreus was a flop. Let's take off.

Sorry, March, I found a new pink best friend. "Mem"? What's that? I'm talking about this thing

I can make them kiss

Should I really be running around in the public bath in my boots

I'm doing my very best to pay attention to this story but Stelle is having even shorter attention span than me.

Entire computer froze. This patch doesn't want me to play it

You can't just SAY it

Is this some Earth-in-HI3-nonsense going on?

"Rules are made to be broken" <- immediately succumbs to whatever every local leader tells her to do

I choose to believe that Stelle is naming all these butterflies in her head the only way she knows (name = attribute + "fly")

this minigame has high stakes

No no, I didn't "knock down a sculpture on my own head," I just had an

uh hey off topic but I just realized I didn't get any new texts after pulling Big Herta. Boo.

See, I told you it'd be fine.

hey. I found March a new gf.

I think we should be able to tell March the whole planet thinks she's a cutie. It'd make her feel better.

I've been here for 3 hours and have already passed out in public three times

Nous? Is that you?

Sorry bath seal, I have a new best friend. "Mem"? No, what's that? I mean this thing.

Important question... can anyone else actually see these butterflies? Cause...

Well, that question answered itself quickly.

Excuse me hoyo, but this is an Italian object you are referencing in Space Greece.

No one told me Firefly was on Amphoreus!

Why can't I bring the giant seal doll back to decorate my real room? I just got one of those!

Oh I'm gonna lie my ass off and get a hug from Castorice :3

...I accidentally was too honest, no huggies

Aside: did they ever explain how coming here is gonna fuel the train? Beyond "it likes going new places"?

Wow, I beat the game! I'm sure everything will work out fine without our help.

Okay time for a break. More later.

[many-gay-magpies]

Hey it's Quill! 😘 Happy New Year! For the Director's Cut game, can you share anything about "Le Chéile, Cloachlaithe"? 😜

Hi hi hi @shadowquill17!! Happy new year to you too!! And yes I absolutely can 😉

That was yet another fic that began as a big giant “yes, and” conversation in the payneland party discord server, heavily inspired by @jube-art’s art of the orb boys, particularly their comic of Charles storing Orbwin inside his chest. From there, we got to talking about CHARLES in EDWIN’S chest and the fact that he would ABSOLUTELY take ever opportunity to be a little shit, even as an orb lmao. The idea of exactly WHAT he would do came about as a sort of joke/crack idea (I don’t remember who proposed it first, it might have been me?), and I think Jube actually wrote a snippet for it first, but I got possessed by the idea and gradually went… hey I don’t think this is a joke anymore.

I actually started the fic from one of the middle scenes/bits in the notes app on my phone, then pasted it directly into the nsfw channel solely for the purpose of making the server lose its shit LMAO. I didn’t start out intending to post it (partly because at that time I was still not very used to publicly posting smut), but in the end I’d put so much work in and was so genuinely PROUD of it that it seemed like a waste not to. And I do not regret it one bit <3

A bonus fun fact about the title: when I was getting close to finishing/posting the fic, I actually almost made the title Into the Flesh (a lyric from Kate Bush’s The Sensual World), but the final decision ended up being made by my synesthesia lmao. Both titles fit very well thematically, but the colors of Le Chéile, Cloachlaithe (lots of golds, oranges, some rusty colors, a bit of bright blue accenting, maybe some light pink- overall kind of the vibe of light coming through stained glass) suited the Color Vibe of the fic itself (very warm, sunny and bright) way better than Into the Flesh (more dark/muted colors; greys, some soft/muted reds, flesh-toned pinks, maybe a bit of dull/sagey green?). However I still might use Into the Flesh as the title of a fic (very probably a smut fic) in the future because it hits and my girl Kate Bush deserves it

Thank you so much for asking!!

End of year director’s cut ask game

[thewickedbohemian]

Thoughts on the Brilliant Minds fall finale

so she isn't dead and we're just picking right up with no Wolf monologue

there's the expected guilt

good to know it doesn't look like the guys are competing over Ericka (though I have a bad feeling one might find out about the other)

love that the sports music started playing

another ethical dilemma similar to Roman's

don't jeopardize the patients, dudes

is this the first time we saw Carol's house (don't correct me if I'm wrong I could just be misremembering)

there goes a her-centric flashback and there goes my theory about it being some neuroweirdness of Wolf's

and the truth will out to both of them

people who say they're fine are never fine

glad Wolf and Nichols aren't turning this into a fight

and Allison's sounding a little like a horror villain

another Carol flashback (that I feel like was biting from Black-ish, black doctor new mother with postpartum depression) and wtf did she do

common theme of normal-or-not and I totally get where Wolf's coming from

sports music keeps playing and Van makes a play

I really hope that was the predicted in-danger and nothing's gonna happen to any of our heroes

better now and it feels like Wolf's trying to help them both get better

I've talked about Wolf/Dana parallels but this episode is kinda hammering home the Carol/Jacob ones I've heard others talk about in conjunction with both needing to realize they're pushing themselves too hard

Carol's anxiety kinda giving me anxiety

first kinda-fight but I don't think it's what Nichols thinks it is, maybe it's just my neuroweird projecting but I think Wolf and his too-much-empathy-for-his-social-skills didn't want Ezra to get the surgery because he wouldn't want it

of course Dana wins quietly in the background

but Jacob and Van appear to playing a very different game

Ezra helping Wolf realize maybe he was a little too dogmatic

and as in the episode with Van's diagnosis Dana hears everything

okay please don't tell me the entire triangle just blew up please tell me that's just fall finale drama

called it on the BPD shit

it feels like everyone's situations are paralleling each other again

hammering the theme home are we

are we going to see more of Allison (and that necklace is cute af)

Carol standing up for herself

Wolf and Nichols proving to be almost as Sherlock-Watson-coded as House and Wilson (if you took the name out that line about if I didn't see you as my equal I wouldn't bother arguing with you that could be used in gifsets or w/e for so many pairings and then have people argue over it being appropriative/not being usable for straight pairings because it came from a gay one)

okay there's the danger we were warned and worried about and I'm having to reassure my might-be-a-HSP ass that she's too core to not be okay (just like on East New York (may its memory be for a blessing) when Officer Bentley got shot in the fall finale) and maybe that just means Jacob and Van have to settle their differences or no one has a chance but I'm wondering how the hell this ties into neuro (I swear, if they make Ericka somehow gain some condition to not make her the "token normal one" next to Van's synesthesia, Dana's anxious-avoidant and Jacob's CTE and don't handle it well...)

[ochrearia]

This will update in time, but for now all I have

I don't have the courage to post this myself so this will probably be scheduled for some horrendous time at night. I also don't have the courage to point out who is who because I'm scared maybe they won't like how they sound, though maybe if I go into detail too hard it might be possible to tell. Lol. This isn't everyone yet. I still need some more time to see who everyone is, blah blah blah, bunch of stupid abstract brain stuff, but. Playlist of my friends I've made here... yeah

Wounds- doesn't count because that's me. Decided to put it there because why not. I don't need to talk about myself let's be real no one cares about that

Norduris. Funny, somehow right away this was you. I love when that happens, when a song just reacts so strongly with the whole person in my head I'm searching for. Everything I've seen of you screams this song and it's. Beautiful to me. Always is but it doesn't get tiring. So much of you seems like it was locked away and buried in worry. Wistful thinking and hoping for the future. There is so much good in you. I think I'll stick around for as long as I can to help you see that. Kind and comforting. Creative and inspired just about every time I've seen you, I think. But I think you worry too much. There's fear and anger in there and I think, maybe, I wish there didn't have to be. Well, not the unjustified ones at least. But it all pools together for a strength that I think fits you. Still hopeful and still going. I like that about people... That might be a recurring theme for everyone really. But it's still you, too. Such slow waltzing shades of gray, like fog and the cover of rain. Pastel yellow like the sun, deep, deep green accompanying the rest. There you are, Kry.

Lost. You know the song titles don't really mean anything before you might ask. I never take it into account. Just the way it sounds. I also think you worry far too much but then again you've gone through for too much. But you are creative, and fun, and uplifting. Think you have a little bit of a habit of subduing yourself in fear of something I never quite know. But you are patient, so patient and I value that a lot. Especially when it's given to me. Nervous at times, needing permission before letting yourself shine. Wisdom about you that sometimes I really need to hear. You really know how to rile someone up in a playful way and I don't think enough people play into such things anymore. Wonderful to see really. Like a slow stream in a still air, deep, deep gray and neon blue. Streaks of white too, liminal in a way that reminds me of a barren tundra with nothing to be seen in any direction. Nothing but you. Hey there, Gold <3

daydream. Augh, I feel like my brain is stalling over how to put everything I have seen into words. Something about you just feels so positive, an upbeat air to you even if you're not feeling okay. You're still there, and I see you. Confident a lot of the time, and it's well warranted I believe. Other times not so much. Kind and caring like everyone I know here is, and a childlike excitement every time we talk that I do adore. God you know so well how to make other people excited with you. And you care, so much, I know everyone does but there's something about it with you that's just... electric, is the word I think. There's different styles of care but that one is yours. Funny. I think you make me feel safe in all the fucked up ways my own mind will talk to me. Maybe it's because I think we have a lot of similarities. It's always been positive with you, even when it isn't because you make caring about you easy. You know how the light of the sun shimmers on a body of water? That's kind of how you move, a sweet caramel brown and autumn orange, little drops of red about your air. So wonderful to meet you, Karl.

demise. Again, I swear the titles do not come into play with this. I suppose there's only so much I can repeat about someone being kind, caring, and fun before it starts feeling less special. I promise that never happens, no matter how many people I know like that in my life. Especially when your style of caring is just so... calming. And determined. Offering so much to people you care about even if maybe they haven't earned it yet. That doesn't seem to matter to you. You're giving it anyways. You're a giver, I suppose. You do a lot of creating and it's stunning. And you offer so much to others because you want to. Able to make people feel safe and like they matter. Love the mischief you get up to a lot too. Dedicated to so many things. Greens of jade and pastel grass, white all between them like a snow flurry. A bit of silvery undertones. I'm glad that I get to know you Shed.

Night Beacon. I held off for a few days more before considering you because I wanted to be accurate. There is something to be said about being quiet, in a sense that is positive and not whatever I say when talking about myself. A good kind of quiet, maybe mellow is the word I am looking for. I like when my friends are passionate and you are no exception. A certain type of calmness that I can't quite explain. I think there is a kindness in your ability to just exist and that may not make, sense, but it's the best I can say. You tough through a lot of things you might not want to do but there's a strength in that. And of course, you are creative. I make friends with creatives a lot. I think maybe you are the kind of person I would pick first to surround myself with. Chill overall that can swap into a more serious frame of mind whenever needed, knowing how to navigate around vibes and situations while being kind. And still someone who is enthusiastic about things you like in a way that isn't overwhelming. It's nice. Might put you on a loop more often than I should, lol. Peach and bright orange, with yellow mixed in with it. Along with a pretty desaturated beige, the best I can put it. Literally like the air of the world during a sunset. You should be proud of that Isaac.

Autumn Afternoon. I'd like to think you quite pleasant and lively despite your words of "This group space of which I have butted in". Who cares if you did do that? You butted in and we let you because we wanted to. You belong here with us, and with me. In my head singing sweetly the soul of who you are. You worry a lot. Hey, I do too. Maybe we both definitely worry too much. Being anxious kinda sucks. But you know what? Here you are anyway. You worry about your place but you still sit here and take it. That's wonderful strength and you might say "I owe it to everyone else" but you are still here. You have a lot going on that tries to work against you. A lot of us do too, if not all of us. But you power through anyway. Underneath all that anxiety sits so much passion. Excitement for things you like. You're a damn good artist and a life to have around. Pastel lime and steel blue, dancing like petals swept into the wind of faded silver, hinted with aqua blue. Yeah. You're a wonderful one there, Storm.

Hope. Honestly I take you for a very lively and bubbly person. You have a lot of ideas and you are eager to do them, to share them, stuff like that. Eager is a good word. I think that fits you the most really and that's not to be taken as a bad thing. Nothing in these are really meant to be taken as bad. Just to be taken as you. Curious and learning seems important to you. Being there, being around, I suppose you kind of bring an air that isn't something I can quite find words for, but it's a positive, I promise. Upbeat is a nice thing to be regardless of what you've ben through or are going through. Maybe sometimes you don't even feel that way but you still manage to convey that for the people around you and I think that's special. It's funny because most people wouldn't say gray and silver are necessarily colors that match to that idea but there you are. Lavender is there too, and a specific hue of blue that reminds me of warm and tropical water. Don't know the exact name for it. Kind of like a mix between a pinwheel and a wind chime, and I think it's very pretty, Lunar.

epitaph. You know we may not really talk as much compared to others on this list but that doesn't mean I haven't gotten to know you. You are still very outspoken about the things you believe in and the things you like or dislike and that's a strength I wish I would have myself. I guess the way I see it is you have a strong vocal presence regardless of what's being talked about. But despite that you can still be very hesitant and worry a lot about things, which is something I have to share. Doesn't always have to be bad. Can also mean that you care, and I really don't think enough people now how to do that these days. Caring is good. Space to keep people on your mind because you want to. Maybe there are still things you need to figure out and that helps to play into some hesitation, but when has anyone ever had things all figured out anyway? Stability is always something to seek, but you don't have to consider yourself any less for not knowing all the time. Things can be okay without it being certain. But you still work towards it, and that's admirable. Like having strength and perceived weakness in a balance. Gold and olive green, I think, off-white and a type of orange that seems like it's burning as it exists. Maybe that doesn't make sense. But, it is you, Damien.