#time to spend ninety years searching on google
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himmelskorpern · 1 year ago
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how do i make my old blog into a side blog 🧍🏽
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tma-entity-song-poll · 4 months ago
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Battle of the Fear Bands!
B6R2: The Eye
Research Me Obsessively:
“Rebecca and Valencia spend 3 days internet stalking their mutual ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. The song goes both into the creepy lengths one can go to in order to gain access to this sort of information while joking about how this search for information is unhealthy and detrimental to those embarking upon it.”
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Knowledge:
“Narrator seeks knowledge without caring about the cost or consequences. As quintessentially Eye as you can get”
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Lyrics below the line!
Research Me Obsessively:
Hey, what are you doing for the next thirteen hours?
Don't do anything healthy. Don't be productive. Give in to your desire.
Research me obsessively
Uh-huh!
Find out everything you can about me You know you want to dig for me relentlessly
Uh-huh!
Using every available search tool and all forms of social media
You know you want to look at my Instagram but it's private so Google me until you find out where I went to high school and then set up a fake Instagram account using the name and the photo of someone that went to my high school and hope that I remember that person a little bit
Then request access to my private Instagram from the fake account and in the meantime scour my work Instagram account cause that one's public.
Research me obsessively
Uh-huh!
Find an actual picture of my parents' house on Google Maps You know you want to hunt for me tirelessly
Uh-huh!
It's not stalking 'cause the information is all technically public
Check out every guy I used to date
And deduce who broke up with who based on the hesitation in our smiles
So many unanswered questions.
Did I go to the University of Texas?
Am I an EMT?
Is that my obituary in which I'm survived by my loving husband of 50 years; children Susan and Mathew and grandchild Stephanie?
Wait no. That's just all the people with my same name.
Or is it?
Pay only 9.99 on a background check web site to know for sure.
So don't stop, just research me obsessively
Uh-huh!
and in lieu of flowers donate to other me's favorite charity
Research me just research me and research me and research me
Oops.
It's three days later.
Knowledge:
I can scrape off of my face All the soot from all the places I have been to And call it knowledge I can stitch and rip the gash That was a scar until I scratched and reinvoked it And call it knowledge And I won't complain about the blisters on my heel That we've surrendered to the real Or the feral dogs who feed on knowledge
I'm a statue of a man who looks nothing like a man But here I stand Grim and solid No scarlet secret's mine to hold Just a century of cold and thin and useless Sexless knowledge So I won't complain when my shattering is dreamt By the ninety-nine percent I'll surrender to their knowledge
'Cause I have read the terms and conditions I have read the terms and conditions Let the record show I agree to my position I accept the terms and conditions
Well I woke up this morning and saw the pitchforks at my door Said I woke up this morning—it was dark still—and there were pitchforks at my door And they were shining with a righteousness no knowledge ever shone before
I have read the terms and conditions I have read the terms and conditions I have read the terms and conditions I have read the terms and conditions
Next time let's get raised by wolves Next time let's get raised by wolves Next time let's get raised by wolves Next time let's get raised by wolves Next time let's get raised by wolves Next time let's get raised by wolves
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xtrablak674 · 7 months ago
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I am Alive
I'm trying to remember if there are any picture of my father and me together after this image, and I don't think there are any, ergo my using this photo as the thumbnail for this entry. Addendum, I had used the photo I was talking about as a thumbnail on another entry and decided to change it with this scan of my father's public benefits card also from nineteen ninety-one, its like the story writes itself.
According to the postcard the year is nineteen ninety-one and the date is November twenty-ninth, the things that are immediately clear to me is that this isn't my campus address, and Ithaca is spelled incorrectly.
Context is very important so Dear Reader I will give you some, maybe with in a year or two after the above photograph my father moved back into his parents household where I was already residing in their former living room having been turned into a bedroom for their first-born grandchild after the passing of his mom maybe a year or two before this photo is taken.
Curiously as I did my yoga this morning I was thinking about this trucker hat that I used to own, I remember it being two shades of blue with a white plastic mesh, and as I was taking another look I am actually wearing this hat in the picture below. Its funny to me because behind the scenes my subconscious has been putting together the pieces of this journal entry in subtle ways. Last week I was sharing the postcard from my father with my nephew when we were sharing college experiences.
As usual I have gotten off-topic, but my father had moved into my 'bedroom' and we shared the pull-out bed in the couch. Interestingly I hadn't shared a bedroom since I was maybe four or five years younger, my mom had moved me into my older brother's bedroom in our apartment feeling I had the need for a bit more privacy and my father sharing a bed and room with me was a double regression, one for him and one for me.
I am feeling hesitant in how to proceed because I am not sure if I have written about how the man who had been my best-friend for most of my life turned on me, and attempted to murder me right in his parent's home which he had returned to.
I will say this our relationship was never the same after the attempted, well which is it manslaughter or more appropriately boyslaughter, or is it attempted murder? According to a Google search its all about intention, so I think this was totally murder. But thats not what I want to write about, I want to write about this postcard and the desperation that is laced in it.
When recounting the experience years later in therapy Ms. Kennedy asked me, did someone call the police? The saying, you could have knocked me over with a feather could never have been more appropriate. I had never even considered at the time that filicide is indeed a thing, there is literally a word for when a parent attempts to exterminate their offspring. The only defense I have for my grandparents is they made him leave the next day, so I only had to spend one night with the man who attempted to extinguish my life, there couldn't be anything traumatic about that, could there? #sarcasm
As an adult I can admit that folks all around were trying to do their best, it had to be hard for my grandparents to have to choose their grandchild over their first-born child, but I was the minor and legally under their care, my safety had to be put first. Writing about this now this feels like such an abstraction for me, never in my entire life I would have guessed that my own father would be the person who would attempt to assassinate me for ultimately being too much like him, not that there is ever any excuse for an adult to lay hands on a child.
I am not saying I made it through childhood unscathed, but the monsters or villains of my youth were usually people who weren't related to me. Like Marvin Church my god-grandma's eldest son who did things to me that a forty year old man should have never done to a ten year old. My father's girlfriend Patricia Jackson had beaten me in the head until I was unconscious I think the first time in my childhood I had lost consciousness. Whatever would lead me to believe that my dad would join these brutes as one of the people who weren't looking out for my best interest?
Back to the postcard, I can see that this wasn't any off-the-cuff postcard, some serious thought had went into its selection pairing humor with morbidity, an appropriate reading of his sense of humor which is also mirrored in my own humor.
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Back of postcard:
"Name of Item
The letter you were expecting has been placed on back order.
We expect to ship within the next year.
Thank you for your patience."
He clearly was in his feelings about my lack of contact since I had left for college. Small context about college, I had done all of the necessary documents, applications, paid fees all on my own. My grandparents nor him had any part in my getting into the private college in upstate New York. Out of the five that I applied to I am even surprise they found out which one I was accepted to, maybe someone from my high school helped them with that piece of evidence, because I didn't share my acceptance letter with any of them.
Well it seems I need more of an explanatory comma here, at eighteen I was more than ready to leave my grandparents house, my burgeoning sexuality had caused tensions between me and the matriarch of the house leading to many terse conversations.
I was not only coming into my own, but taking the steps to realize those dreams without any input or participation of the adults in the household. There may have been some resentment on her part because it must have been embarrassing when her friends or sisters inquired where was I and she didn't have a clear idea. This probably lead to my eviction and subsequent homelessness that would happen within months of this postcard.
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Front of postcard:
"I am alive.
As are your paternal grandparents.
How about you?
Please advise.
Am still working on the w.p.
I love you very much.
Aṣẹ
V.O.M.-C.M."
I have to pause a minute, I seriously thought this journal entry would be about this piece of hard paper that has been living in a collage on the wall of my bathroom, but emotionally there are feelings tangled up in how we got to this postcard, some that I didn't even anticipate. For a moment I believed that this would probably be a humorous short entry with a couple of photos. But there was so much more to unpack.
"I am alive."
Curiously two years after this postcard nearly to the month he wouldn't be alive. He'd be found in his apartment body rotted for weeks in the un-air conditioned enclosure of his Harlem apartment. The same address which is a stamp near the bottom of this missive. With his death my orphanage would begin in earnest having less than ten years with my mom and fifteen with my father, albeit I was in my early twenties when he died, after his assault I never saw him again.
"As are your paternal grandparents."
His father would die eighteen years after this postcard and his moms thirty years later peacefully in her sleep at home.
The most curious thing is he feels the need to distinguish his parents as opposed to my moms parents. She was the one who asked them to take me in case of her death, he wasn't even under consideration as a choice because he hadn't shown a level of stability in his adult life that she could trust to be conducive to raising a child. Ergo she asked his very responsible, stable and capable parents to take in his first born child. His simple sentence is laced with an un-earned self-satisfaction that I was under his parents, my grandparents care. But I think what he's missing is I should have been under his care. He was only reflecting his own failure as a parent. #idiot
"How about you?"
Well, I am guessing if you thought I was dead you wouldn't actually be writing to me. There's not much to say about that. I think I fully had cause to not want to have contact with him or his parents who non-verbally condoned his violence by not having him arrested.
"Please advise?"
I can assure the studio audience that I didn't respond to this inquiry, nor did I feel it necessary to do so. I was enjoying the freedom of young adulthood and learning so much about life attending this away-from-home college living amongst people I couldn't even imagine associating with.
"Am still working on the w.p."
This is the saddest thing in this postcard, because once again it emphasizes my father's failures. I think months before I was set to go to college he had asked me if I needed anything, that in itself was odd because at no time prior had he ever attempted to take on a parental role. He usually enjoyed embracing the role of friend or compatriot not a figure of authority or rule.
He had also never directly asked me about my needs or wants. And sadly he was decades too late! I had become very self-sufficient as a young adult having not only held a job consistently since I was fourteen but also going to school full-time and doing volunteer work at theatre downtown.
His asking me for what I wanted was a foreign and new feeling to me and I recall being taken aback because I had never even considered him as a person who would support me in anyway beyond the comic books he bought for himself that he gave me after he read. I said a word processor, clearly dating myself, but also being practical. A manual typewriter would have been unwieldy but a word processor would be useful in college a place where writing papers was the norm. But it would never come. I bought my first computer a used Macintosh SE from a junior high school friend.
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"I love you very much."
I am guessing in his way he did albeit I don't think he did a good job of showing it physically. Unlike my other siblings father's he was at least more present, I visited with him much more than the other dads would visit with their children. So maybe this was love. The thing it had been tainted because of his actions towards me which he never apologized or made reparations for.
He may have been alive, but he had been dead to me for a long time, and in '93 his status had caught up with his body and he was truly dead.
[Photos by Brown Estate]
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[ad_1] A number of years in the past, I switched from Google seek to Bing. There, I mentioned it. Now not do I Google one thing; I Bing it. And I haven’t regarded again since. The transfer clear of Google wasn’t simple. Someday within the overdue Nineteen Nineties, I used to be invited to check out Google’s seek engine. I moved from poring despite the fact that submitting cupboards to typing queries in a seek field. If it was once in the market on the net, Google promised that it will to find it. Over time, Google was smarter and extra responsive. Google Speedy auto-suggested seek effects earlier than I stopped typing them. “Google it” was a part of my vernacular. In the meantime, Microsoft’s Bing seek engine was once getting no admire. Bing it? Please. However Bing doggedly endured to fortify. It added social connections and “playing cards” figuring out key subjects and similar searches. It progressed velocity and reliability. Then sooner or later, after I sought after to dig up older tales I had written the use of Google’s seek engine, I discovered I had higher good fortune discovering them the use of Bing. So I switched. Bing is on the subject of, if no longer as nice, as Bing. Switching from Google to Bing seek is definitely executed in only some seconds. I supply instructions on the backside of this tale. However earlier than that, listed here are a few of my favourite (and sure, even atypical) causes to change to Bing. Primary? As a result of Microsoft pays you. 1. Seek and earn money with Microsoft Rewards I’m affordable. I’ll normally move up a $12 artisanal pork slider on the meals vehicles close to my place of job in want of a more cost effective salad that might stuff a throw pillow. I steadily put on the similar pants two days in a row to avoid wasting on my water invoice. I exploit coupons. So if Microsoft desires to pay me about $5 a month to do what I in most cases do? Signal me up. Simply one of the vital issues you'll be able to redeem your Microsoft Rewards seek issues on. The idea that at the back of Microsoft Rewards (previously Bing Rewards) is inconspicuous: As you seek, Microsoft will give you issues, which you'll be able to spend on the whole thing from Starbucks to Microsoft Game Pass. When you've got a Microsoft account (you do have a unfastened Microsoft account, correct?) you'll be able to earn 5 issues in keeping with Bing seek on a desktop PC, as much as 150 issues in keeping with day. In the similar approach, you'll be able to earn as much as 100 issues in keeping with day on cellular, with 5 issues credited to you in keeping with seek. (Don’t fear if those numbers don’t reasonably fit as much as what you notice, as Microsoft has a tendency to change the values each and every so steadily.) Bing searches are routinely caused by way of Cortana on a Home windows Telephone, or the Bing Seek app for Android or iOS.  If that isn’t sufficient, you’ll routinely gather issues by way of the use of the Home windows 10 Edge browser, as much as 900 issues monthly. And if that isn’t sufficient, you’ll get some degree for each and every greenback you spend at the Microsoft Home windows and Xbox on-line retail outlets, or in a brick-and-mortar Microsoft Retailer location.  The most efficient section? The issues may also be redeemed for belongings you’ll in truth use. If you need much more issues, take 5 mins from your day to take a look at the rewards and quizzes Microsoft Rewards gives. For more or less 475 credit—once more, the price varies—Microsoft offers you $5 to spend at Amazon, or Goal, Burger King, Starbucks, or different traders. You'll additionally redeem your rewards for a pleasing 5% coupon on the Microsoft Retailer, reductions on Home windows apps, or perhaps a unfastened month of Xbox Reside Gold. Use Bing regularly sufficient, and you'll be able to climb your approach as much as Silver or Gold standing, which confers a “cut price” on issues redemptions. And that is concerned about merely the use of Bing all the way through the process your day.
And if you need even extra issues, you'll be able to seek advice from Bing.com or click on the Microsoft Rewards “medallion” icon for fast quizzes and advised searches. All of it provides up briefly. 2. Seek effects: As nice or higher than Google’s I wouldn’t even point out Bing Rewards if Bing itself wasn’t profitable. However it's. My private trust is that Bing delivers somewhat extra helpful knowledge than Google normally seek. (To be honest, I’ll emphasize normal: On occasion I’ll check out a seek in Google if I will be able to’t to find what I’m on the lookout for in Bing. As of August 2017, I’d say Bing’s talent to seek out an previous information tale of mine is somewhat worse than it was once, despite the fact that it’s nonetheless excellent.) And don’t fear: The use of Bing doesn’t save you you from the use of different Google services and products, like Gmail, as steadily as you’d like. Context is essential, and Microsoft has made this a concern with Bing. If I seek for a time period like “Notre Dame soccer,” Bing makes higher use of that huge, white house at the correct facet, showing contextual details about the varsity, its historical past, information, and extra. (Each engines display me the new rankings, however Google’s card presentations a extra whole upcoming time table.) Bing’s lead widens while you seek for celebrities, because it comprises movies in addition to photographs and biographical knowledge. And despite the fact that Microsoft may do a greater activity of highlighting this knowledge, Bing supplies one-click hyperlinks to a star’s social media pages for what they’re interested by, at the moment. Bing comprises social media hyperlinks, too. There are exceptions, after all. However, normally, Bing plays in addition to Google on maximum of my commonplace, daily searches. 3. Bing has symbol chops That is going for symbol searches, too. Bing was once first to put in force the “endless scroll” in Bing Photographs, the place customers may merely scroll and scroll and not achieve the “finish” in their seek effects. As of late, Bing’s symbol seek provides an additional layer of seek filters that Google customers will have to drill down to seek out, together with choices to display handiest footage with faces, for instance, or show photographs in a selected format. And if you wish to have to discover a approved photograph let's say a publication, Bing makes that knowledge extra simply available than Google does. Bing’s Symbol Seek web page is attractively formatted, with a number of jumping-off issues for additional exploration. About the one explanation why to make use of Google’s symbol seek is in the event you’re removing animated GIF photographs, as that is an choice Bing has but to supply. Stay studying to look how Bing will give you extra video seek effects than Google. 4. Bing presentations extra video, if you'll be able to endure to appear For no matter explanation why, the normal knowledge is that Bing is the porn seek engine of selection. Wander via a few of Reddit’s Microsoft boards, and it’ll in the end arise. Heck, The Day by day Dot even devoted an entire article to it.  A part of the reason being that, even with filtering became off, Google now takes a fairly puritanical perspective towards filtering copyrighted videos, whilst Microsoft has followed a extra libertarian means. Bing merely presentations you movies about your seek subject from across the internet, whether or not it's “baseball” or “boobs.” That’s to not say that Bing is a shadowy nook of the internet stuffed with smut and depravity. Thumbnail photographs of the rest Bing thinks is for adults handiest are in truth blurred out by way of default. However in the event you’re looking for one thing tagged No longer Secure for Paintings, bear in mind that Microsoft will display it to you (assuming your seek filtering choices permit for it, after all).  Microsoft’s Bing treats you favor an grownup, if that’s what you’re looking for.
(Be aware that you'll be able to filter X-rated searches on each Bing and Google.) Oddly sufficient, neither Google nor Microsoft shrinks a lot from violence. Each became up what I suppose to be whole movies of quite a lot of hostage beheadings from the Heart East, none of which I cared to look at. Make the transfer In case you’re a lifelong Googler and Bing’s benefits intrigue you, nice. Right here’s learn how to transfer. As you most likely know, Microsoft and Google every be offering their very own browsers to head in conjunction with their very own search engines like google and yahoo. With Microsoft’s Web Explorer or Edge and Google’s Chrome, the browsers are preconfigured to make use of their respective search engines like google and yahoo by way of default, available by way of the quest bar on the best of the display. (In fact, you'll be able to seek advice from Bing.com or Google.com and seek there anytime you’d like.)  Switching Chrome’s seek supplier to Bing is quite easy: Within the upper-right nook of the browser, you’ll see a tiny menu icon that appears like 3 horizontal traces on best of one another. Click on it. Close to the ground of the drop-down menu, you’ll see Settings. About midway down the Settings web page, you’ll see a field for deciding on your Seek engine. To switch your seek supplier in Chrome, click on the vertical ellipsis (the 3 vertical dots) icon within the best correct, then scroll right down to Settings. Then pass right down to this phase, right here. Microsoft hides its seek engine configurations as smartly. When you've got Web Explorer configured to make use of Google, pass to the URL bar and click on the magnifying-glass (seek) icon. On the backside correct of the drop-down menu, click on Upload. Click on the tiny Bing icon on the backside left to set Microsoft’s seek engine as soon as once more as your default.  Edge will have to be preconfigured to Bing. (It is going to be locked to Bing in the event you use Home windows 10 S at the Floor Computer or an academic system.) About the one trade that Bing lately foists upon you is sending you to Bing Maps, no longer Google Maps. And in the event you’re looking for movies, bet what: Google’s YouTube isn’t precisely Bing’s first selection.  Bing gives as-good-as-Google seek functions, plus many little added conveniences and rewards to lure you to change. Doing so takes simply seconds. Are those sufficient to make you check out Bing your self? It’s price a couple of mins of your day to test. Up to date on February 14, 2022. with up to date knowledge. As PCWorld's senior editor, Mark specializes in Microsoft information and chip generation, amongst different beats. He has previously written for PCMag, BYTE, Slashdot, eWEEK, and ReadWrite. [ad_2] #transfer #Google #Bing
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blog-digital-trends · 2 years ago
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Portland Digital Agency Trends
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snowfall-runewriter · 2 years ago
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Why The American School System is Fucked Up.
First of all, ninety-three percent of Finnish students graduate. Ninety-three percent. How many American students graduate? 20.4, as of 2020. That's over a sixty percent difference. Now, in American learning, we sit in class for 6-8 hours (depending on your school) and memorize things. Finnish schools? Three times a week, seventy-five minutes each. And ninety-three percent of students graduate! We (Americans) spend 6-8 hours in class, and only ~20% graduate! Secondly, Americans have a five day school week, with Saturday and Sunday off. Finnish students? Once again, three days a week (unclear which ones from a google search). Now, Americans have how much homework? I can't speak for the whole continent, but in Oregon, specifically where I live in Oregon, we have maybe ten minutes of homework. Finnish schools do have about half an hour to an hour's worth of works. That's only what? 75 + 75 + 75 + 30/60 = 225/285 hours of work and class! Next, how many tests do Americans take? From personal experience, I would tell you probably sixty tests/quizzes a year. You probably already know what example I'm going to use. The Finnish students take one test their entire time at school. At the end of their senior year, they take one test. Furthermore, if you read this Insider article, you can see that most places do take more than one standardized test. I'll list the highlights here: America - 112 standardized tests by the time the average student leaves high school China - One 12 hour long test England - 15-20 by the age of sixteen Finland - One test, senior year So, is the American school system fucked up? In my opinion, yes. When Gen X were in school, they thought school sucked. They grew up, forgot all about it, or even said "Yeah, next generation'll take care of it." Millennials? Brushed it off. Now, Gen Z, us, are stuck with this terrible schooling system. Do I think we'll take steps to stop it? Probably, Gen Z is very good at getting what we want. Then again, I may be biased, being Gen Z myself. My final parting words to you though, are these: Compared to several other schooling systems, America's is very, very fucked up. Sources (in order of appearance): https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/why-are-finlands-schools-successful-49859555/ google query - how many american students graduate (three times a week link) google query - what tests do finnish students take? (Insider article)
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falsegoodnight · 4 years ago
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these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, podfics, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with *.
*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 25th and any fics read after will be included in next month’s fic rec list because otherwise this is going to be obnoxiously long. 
main list ~
✰ black cherries and chocolate by @harryanthus​ | NR | 666 (intense and jarring in the best way. this leaves you with that heart-racing feeling and panic crawling up your throat)
There is something or well, someone in the walls.
✰ keep secrets just to keep you by @hadestyles​ | T | 1k (loved this so much!! and need 1000000 more royalty abos from rori immediately)
“With the elements as my witness, I take you to be my husband. My heartbeat begins with you and ends with you, Louis Tomlinson.” Louis sinks to his knees as well, salty tears mixing with the pure rainwater. “And I take you as mine. My heart beats for you and with you.”
✰ bitter coffee and sweet love by @dontfuckwithmyotp​ | G | 1k (so cute and sweet!! proud of you ari for getting your first fic out and excited to see what you do next!)
“Hello! Welcome to The Busy Bean! Are you new?” Louis blinked in surprise at the voice and looked around to find the source. “Behind you,” The person tapped his shoulder once and he whirled around at the unexpected touch.
“Hey! Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to interrupt a person—” His rant stopped when he finally faced them. It was a guy—Harry Styles, according to his small black name tag. His eyes widened in embarrassment.
✰ turn your mic off, baby by @vogueharrystan​ | E | 2k (i love when lilli writes harry’s pov. this was so hot!)
Louis walks around the house naked all day and ignores Harry to play video games instead. Harry gets tired of it.
✰ This Could Be Love by mulletharry | G | 2k (such a cute and perfect little valentine’s day fic! put the biggest smile on my face <3)
Harry and Louis have been together for four months. They spend their first Valentine’s Day together.
✰ you appear as my soul by @hadestyles​​ | T | 2k (so gorgeous and raw)
He aches — not as much as Louis, he could never imagine all that he bears quietly — and as cruel as it sounds, it keeps reminding him of how fragile they are.
✰ the energy from your body by sweetielouis | E | 3k (hilarious, hot, and cute!)
Harry and his friends have a popular podcast, for the Valentines Day special they get a bit drunk and talk a bit too comfortably about their friends arses.
It's a good thing Louis doesn't mind it all that much. 
✰ look how i remember by @harryanthus​ | M | 4k (this left me speechless and aching)
He hates it, he wants to scream and tell Harry as much. Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me as if we are in love. Kiss me like you will never do it again. Kiss me with so much hatred that it turns back to love.
✰ Things Unsaid by @londonfoginacup​ | G | 5k (so so cute and funny!!)
"That chunky oversized sweater is like a clown outfit made for winter."
It feels like time slows down.
Those words echo in his mind, familiar. Why are they familiar? The— the sweater he saw last week. The one with all the knit squares.
The train slows to a stop and Louis just— he doesn’t move. He feels frozen in place as people surge around him. Suddenly everyone is moving too fast and then just as suddenly the car is near empty, taking off again.
The man is gone.
His soulmate is gone.
✰ reckless serenade by @thepolourryexpress​ | E | 4k (adorable and funny and amazing!)
Harry's Google search history may or may not look like 'my girlfriend doesn't know we're dating.'
✰ dancing in the moonlight by @outropeace​ | E | 5k (need 100k more of this immediately, thanks. so wonderful)
Louis’ fuck buddy gets a date for Valentine’s day and he discovers that denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.
✰ The truth is, the stars are falling by larrysbeanies | E | 5k (hot!!! walking-in trope that i love so much)
Harry knows Louis is gay. Hell, he came out to Harry exactly two months ago (when the dreadful dry spell started) because it was becoming increasingly hard to hide the fact that his one night stands were men. And, you know, they’re best friends so there aren’t supposed to be secrets and all that.
Thing is, Louis told Harry he’s gay ergo, Harry is aware that Louis likes men. Why the fuck did he act so normal while fingering him three days ago, then? Is this something straight guys do to their gay best friends in Harry’s world?
Louis would really like to know.
✰ to be used and to be in love by @thelesserneptune​ | E | 5k (blessed that this is a series. really hot and cute!)
Louis doesn't know why his filthy best friend turned into a vanilla boyfriend and thinks of the perfect birthday present to solve that problem.
✰ on the borderline by @princelouisau​ | E | 8k (the way danielle writes... poetry. this broke me down and then stitched me back up <3)
Louis makes his choice.
✰ One Step Closer by agrinwithouthiscat | G | 12k (reading asexual hl fics is instant comfort and this was lovely)
The one fake relationship AU where they don't end up together.
✰ i glow pink in the night by @raspberryoatss​ | E | 12k (hybrid louis perfection, beautiful writing, characters, and story as always!)
Harry reads a lot of articles about hybrids and Louis is determined to prove them wrong.
✰ The Thinker of Tender Thoughts by @speakingwithink | G | 13k (asexual hl again! this one made me cry) 
Louis sits on his hands to stop them from shaking as he adds, ‘and I’m ace.’ If only he had glitter, he thinks. Coming out deserves a bit of sparkle.
✰ Kiss Me Once, Kiss Me Twice by @harriblou​ | M | 13k (enemies with benefits to lovers goodness! so hot and entertaining)
“You’re a fucking brat, you know that,” Harry muttered through clenched teeth, bones already burning with the pure desire and hatred mixing in his body. It was an intoxicating rush of adrenaline and something else that probably came with fucking Louis Tomlinson. He squeezed his neck just a little tighter. “I can’t stand it.”
Their lips were brushing against each other, just moving with the ragged movements of their mouths and harsh breathing.
“You’re a lying piece of shit dickhead,” Louis muttered right back. That was all he did, challenge and nag. He loved to have the last word and Harry let him because he used all his energy to fuck him mindless.
✰ hold onto your stars by vashtaneradas | NR | 16k (this writer’s atmosphere/prose draws me in every time. such a lovely story)
Harry's in the army, Louis' back home, and ninety days is a lifetime.
✰ The Future is Now by @jacaranda-bloom​ | E | 16k (love fics in this five times format and this one was so unique and cool!! and the friends to lovers aspect = chef’s kiss)
Five times Louis follows the fortunes to seek out his true love, and the one time he realises that what he's been searching for might've been right in front of him the whole time.
✰ Visceral Heat & Carnal Highs by @theisolatedlily​ | E | 18k (the prose in this... gorgeous. so fucking good and addicting. delighted that there’s going to be a sequel and excited for whatever lily does next!)
Louis is a demon at a house party prowling for a meal, indulging in horrendous sins to satisfy his hunger. Harry is the talk of the night, beckoning all eyes on him and the reason why Louis’s plan goes awry.
✰ deFENCEless by @solvetheminourdreams​ | T | 27k (this was so cute and so funny and i had the biggest smile on my face the entire time. not surprised since stef always evokes that in me with her writing)
When Louis butts heads with his new neighbor who loves to garden a little too much, all he can do to protect his yard (and heart), is keep on building up his fence(s).
✰ darling, you give love a bad name by snowcaplou | M | 29k (been waiting for this one since summer and i wasn’t disappointed! so wonderful and real!)
Louis’ has been best friends with Gemma all his life in this stupid little town he’s grown to hate. What happens when, after one night together with his best friend’s brother, he falls pregnant? Surrounded by small minds and conservative cultures, Louis has to deal with parents that demand they do the “right” thing. Get married before anybody finds out.
✰ The Haunting of Louis Tomlinson* by @helloamhere​ | T | 31k (will never not be an all-time favorite. louis’ character is my absolute favorite - gothic heroine indeed - and harry is the best dramatic gay ghost ever <3)
Louis is a plucky Gothic Heroine, Harry is a Mournful Spirit, and Big Country Houses are full of mystery and suspense, as Big Country Houses ever are!
✰ begged and borrowed time by @bottomlwt​ | M | 40k (this concept was so unique and so cool!! loved the medieval setting and the time travel and how everything fit together in the end!!)
“It wasn’t until 1568 that it became time for Prince Harry to find a queen and prepare to rule. However, the day he was set to choose his bride-to-be, he mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again despite the multiple search parties that went on through the years. To this day, historians still do not know what happened with the infamous Prince Styles case..."
✰ Lidocaine and Palm Trees.* by @daddyharrie​ | E | 45k (definition of ris comfort read - on nth reread and still love it wholly. makes me miss la which is an astonishing feat in itself) 
Heat, fake tans and lots of traffic.
Harry never expected to earn his living this way when he moved to LA.
Louis didn't think he could ever be the same after his divorce.
A lighthearted story about two guys trying to find themselves in the vibrant, sprawling city of Los Angeles, with a side of technical porn industry stuff.
✰ haunted by the ghost of you* by @missandrogyny​ | E | 49k (perhaps my favorite fic of all time? the humor, the characters, the angst?!?! all the britney spears!! and pink ouija boards and wikihow!!)
He’s tall—that’s the first thing that registers in Louis’ head when he spots him, standing with his hands behind his back. Tall, with curly hair, staring at them with the widest, greenest eyes Louis has ever seen. And wait, are those dimples? Louis didn’t know ghosts could have dimples.
Because he’s definitely a ghost, this boy. At first glance he looks normal, standing there pigeon-toed in a band shirt (The Ramones, Louis can’t help but note incredulously), dark jeans, and some boots, with rings on both hands, and tattoos littering his left arm—a sleeve made of anchors and names and roses and other completely unrelated things. But he’s also a little bit translucent; if Louis focuses, he can see the outline of the furniture, the design of the wallpaper through him.
“Hi,” the boy—the ghost—says to Louis. His face shifts; somehow his dimples dig deeper into his cheeks. His eyes flit from Louis, to Niall, to Liam, and finally to Zayn, and his face goes from shocked to elated. “I’m Harry.”
At in that exact moment, standing between three of his best friends and staring at a (quite handsome) ghost, Louis can only think one thing.
Nick Grimshaw was right.
✰ like real people do by @eeveelou​ | E | 64k (this was... so amazing. the characters were so wonderfully written and so was the journey of healing and growth that louis undertakes over the story :’) loved the contrast between l and h’s lives and how they fit into each other still so perfectly)
Jessica Jones AU in which the dead stay where they belong, featuring Zayn as the high-powered lawyer with a hopeless crush on his assistant Liam, Niall as the constantly stoned but strangely insightful neighbor, Harry as Manhattan’s media darling, and Louis as the never-was hero who’s just trying to pick up the pieces.
✰ Black With Autumn Rain by whimsicule | T | 93k (i actually can’t remember if i’ve read this before??? either way - it was wonderful! loved the setting and atmosphere and the supernatural elements! i was so intrigued from the first sentence onwards)
Harry is a journalist, Louis has lots of secrets and the moors aren’t exactly the ideal place to rekindle a lost romance.
podfics ~
✰ tall stories on the page by @soldouthaz​ & read by @softlouislove​ | T (hannah’s voice is so lovely and perfect for reading aloud - and ofc the fic itself is amazing)
Harry's tired of being interviewed by people that only care about the same pointless gossip. Louis is a nice change of pace. 
wips ~
✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved​ | E | 60k | 6/16 (just caught up fully today but i’m really enjoying everything! this is everything i’ve ever wanted in a fantasy fic)
Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.
✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies​ | E | 39k | 3/10 (having a blast reading this one!! i’ve never seen the bachelor in my life but in fic-format, it’s so fun!)
So maybe Louis’ in over his head.
He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.
✰ The Night Still Whispers Sins of Old by @toomanydreamers​ | E | 6k | 2/? (loving this so much, as expected. can’t wait to see how everything unfolds)
Two and a half years have passed since the fateful day when Louis and Harry were crowned Triwizard champions. Confronted with misunderstandings, wounded pride and heartache, Louis stumbled away from the possibility of a future relationship with Harry. Instead, he buried himself into relentless work as a junior Auror and refused to let himself be vulnerable with another person. Circumstances change that force Louis to confront his feelings - and Harry. Stolen glances, picnics at sunrise, thrilling adventures, original spellwork, midnight feasts, soft lips and cautious second chances culminate in an unforgettable mission - but will it be enough to mend their relationship?
non-1d ~
✰ like a bullet needs a gun by @millsxwriting​ | T | 21k | wilds au (despite me having no context, mills still got me to fall in love with toni and shelby. this was so cute and lovely!!)
Toni doesn’t expect to fall for anyone in her senior year. Least of all for Shelby Goodkind, the new girl that arrived in town just before the end of summer. In fact, Toni can’t even look at her for longer than two seconds, or listen to more than three sentences coming out of her mouth without wanting to accidentally push her off a cliff. 
Cue a group project and endless bickering, and suddenly Toni finds herself with an unbearable crush.
If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!
*if i made any errors, please let me know :)
enjoy!
136 notes · View notes
wonder-womans-ex · 4 years ago
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And the Song Keeps Playing
In June, Remus comes home from work to find a pile of magazines on the coffee table. He glances through them—People, US Weekly, Star, a couple Vanity Fair. Something catches on his thumb, and he flips to the one dog-eared page. Across the top of pages 25 and 26, the words ELEVEN TIPS FOR GETTING INTO FILM ACTING are written in golden yellow block letters, surrounded by stars of the same colour—the kind Remus imagines one would find on an actor’s dressing room door. 
He doesn’t think anything of it, however, because that’s when Sirius steps out of the kitchen. They smile when they see each other, and Sirius walks over and kisses him, not even seeming to notice the magazine still in Remus’s hands. 
In July, Sirius buys a new leather jacket. It’s smooth and shiny, not at all like the old worn one with all the patches and pins that Remus gave him for their fourth anniversary. He only ever wears the new one in the apartment—never outside—and Remus finds the receipt for one thousand fifty-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents in the wastepaper basket. He tries to ignore the fact that he’s the one who pays most of the rent that month. 
In August, they spend a week at a cute little cabin on a lake, the same as they do every year. It is, as always, as close to perfection as anything will ever be. Remus makes tacos the first three nights and grilled cheese the other four and they feed each other ice cream and drink what Sirius says must be at least twice their weight in lemonade. They sleep outside, under the night sky, and promise they’ll protect each other from bears and take turns pointing out constellations. 
“That’s me, Remus,” Sirius says, gesturing upwards, voice slurred with exhaustion and alcohol. “I’m a star.”
“You really are,” Remus whispers into his hair. He doesn’t know why he feels like crying. “You really, really are.”
In September, they drive out to the countryside and pick apples from an orchard owned by Remus’s second cousin twice removed on his mother’s side. Sirius bites into one on the way home and makes a face of disgust because there’s a worm in the middle. 
Remus says, “Make a wish,” because some people have eyelashes or shooting stars or birthday candles, but they have apples with worms inside. 
It’s the first time in a long time that Sirius doesn’t tell him what it is that he’s wishing for. 
In October, Remus starts writing another book. This one is about a pilot who crashes on a deserted island, and Remus knows nothing about piloting, so he opens the computer to look up plane. 
Bile rises in his throat and his world begins to come crashing down around him when Google fills in the rest of the search bar with tickets to LA. 
By November, he’s expecting it. He unlocks the door and walks into what feels like emptiness. He’s gone, he thinks, and some part of him desperately hopes it’s true, but it isn’t. Because Sirius is in the bedroom, and his bags are packed, but he hasn’t left yet. 
He looks up when Remus enters, shoes quiet—but not quiet enough—on the carpet. Their eyes meet for a split second before Remus’s gaze flickers away and locks onto the carefully folded piece of paper on his pillow. 
So Sirius had planned to leave without saying goodbye, then.
There’s a click as the last latch on the suitcase closes, and Remus’s eyes close, too. He can’t watch this; he can’t. 
He hears—or, rather, he feels—Sirius step cautiously towards him. In his mind, he sees Sirius lean in to kiss him one last time—indeed, he feels warm breath ghost briefly across his mouth—before thinking better of it and pulling away again. 
“I’m more than this, Moony,” Sirius tells him, but Remus is only half listening. “I can be more than this.” 
Maybe Remus thinks, I know you can. Maybe he thinks, Stay anyway. Please. But most likely, he thinks, But why would you want to? 
He waits until he hears the door of the apartment close to cry. He sits in the divot Sirius’s luggage left in the duvet, and he buries his face in his hands. 
It’s only when he has no tears left in him—none at all—that he leans over and turns on the lamp on his bedside table. The letter crinkles when he picks it up. 
I’m sorry, Remus, he reads. I’m sorry for your sake.
But I’m not sorry for mine. This is what I want. This is what I’ve always wanted. This is my dream. It has been for a long time—since even before I met you. 
I’m going to Hollywood. I’m going to be famous. I know I can, because acting is all I’ve ever loved, and I’m good at it, too. This is me, Remus—smiling for the camera and making other people believe I’m in love. 
Not that I didn’t love you, because I did. I loved you more than I thought it was possible to love a person. You weren’t everything, not by far, but you were enough. 
I can do this. 
Wish me luck. 
The rest of the paper is blank. 
Remus stands up. He walks to the window. He stares out at the street, and he knows that barely an hour ago Sirius was standing on that very curb and hailing a taxi and pretending it was a limousine. 
The silence is unbearable, so he reaches towards the radio. Three stations of nothing but static go by before the accordion music swells and Billy Joel’s voice rings out through the room. 
“He says, ‘Bill, I believe this is killing me,
“As a smile ran away from his face. 
“‘Well, I’m sure that I could be a movie star
“If I could get out of this place.” 
The irony—not irony, really, Remus knows, but coincidence doesn’t sound nearly as poetic in his head, not by far—is like a knife to the gut. He thinks, sadly, even though it hurts, about the diamond ring that’s collecting dust in his dresser drawer. 
He loved Sirius for almost nine years, and he’ll love him for a thousand more. 
And for what?
Wish me luck. 
62 notes · View notes
makeste · 5 years ago
Text
BnHA Chapter 265: Tamaki What Did You Eat
Previously on BnHA: The heroes began their invasion of the Ol’ Villain Marriott. Down in the basement, Re-Destro was all “what’s going my fresh villain citizens, what a beautiful day, well I guess we should start that meeting” and they were all “WE’RE UNDER FUCKING ATTACK” and he made a face and I laughed. Class 1-B, Edgeshot, and Midnight then jovially killed some people, and then we cut to Dabi and Hawks! Hawks was all “sorry it has to be this way Bubaigawara but I’m gonna have to arrest you” and Twice got all Harry Potter in that one scene from the Prisoner of Azkaban movie, and then he did the thing, and fucking Hawks just fucking stood there and DID NOTHING. So now he’s gonna have to fight 100,000 Twices I guess, and meanwhile Dabi is running up the stairs on his way to intervene and somehow make things even more chaotic. Also either Hawks or Dabi thinks heroes are scum, and I’m still not clear on which. But basically it’s safe to say that angst is on the way, friends.
Today on BnHA: Tamaki turns into a horse. I have questions. Dark Shadow fights fucking Re-Destro and fucking destroys him in like two seconds flat, like holy shit whaaaaat. Then Tokoyami just hops on inside of Fatgum like a goddamn marsupial, and spends several pages like this, during which I completely can’t focus the entire time but I do remember that we learned that Machia won’t be joining the fight because he apparently only listens to Tomura, so that’s convenient I guess. Then we cut to Twice and Hawks (I literally typed out “Dabi and Hawks” just now and had to go back and change it, so you can see where my mind is at), and Hawks defeats Twice and is all “guess I’ve got no choice” and is seriously going to kill him (hahaha what the fuck), but then DABI FUCKING BURNS THE ENTIRE ROOM DOWN WITH EVERYONE IN IT WHILE LAUGHING AND THEN THE CHAPTER JUST ENDS. I feel like I just got slapped in the face.
so before we start, let me just mention that I got a ton of asks and messages about the whole “HERO SCUM” line, and I appreciate everyone keeping me up to date on the twists and turns of our wild little fandom lol. so as you all probably know, in Viz’s translation of the last page they had Dabi saying the line (“Twice, this isn’t your fault. as always... scummy heroes are to blame”). so naturally everyone was either like “whaaaaat!” or “I KNEW IT!!”, but then Caleb went and deleted his original tweet saying that it was Dabi, and replaced it with a new tweet, the gist of which was basically “I don’t fucking know either” and admitting he wasn’t an authority on the matter. so to sum everything up, we basically don’t know and will never know until the anime airs this in about three years’ time, or until the only man who can actually clear this up decides to stop drawing weird mushroom men for five goddamn minutes so he can clarify for us
anyway, so in the meantime it’s time to see who’s having angst this week! probably everybody! let’s just assume it’s everybody and save some time
ohooo so we finally get to see why they had Tamaki and Tokoyami in the vanguard, eh?
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(ETA: gotta say, “you” is an awfully impersonal way to address someone whose entire body you are shortly going to stuff inside your little quirk papoose and tote around like a fanny pack.)
honestly this isn’t much of a mystery though lol. Tokoyami is obvious, and with Tamaki it’s probably because of his kraken thing if I had to guess
...excuse me sir is this leading where I think it’s leading
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sir. Mister Gum, sir. please do not tell me you are actually about to lead these children into the building and down into the basement. first of all the thought of you and Tamaki in yet another basement is already giving me PTSD so no thanks. and second of all, ???!?!?!?!?! [gestures incredulously to the two children] ?!?!?!???? [emphatically taps my computer screen with the wiki page showing their respective ages] ???!?!?!?!?!?! [gestures wildly toward a picture of Gigantomachia I pulled up just now in a google search. yeah that’s right. Gigantomachia!! you all forgot about him didn’t you!! well guess who didn’t forget about him?? that’s right. so you’d better explain yourself right the fuck now, Fatgum. oh wait I’m still talking in action brackets whoops]
holy crap is Tokoyami giving orders lmao
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well look at you. a general, huh? somebody must’ve told them about his little maneuver at the Battle of Taanab
so now some generic villain guys are all “HOW’D THEY FIND OUR SECRET PATH” and “WE MUST DEFEND IT” and I sure can’t wait to watch them get their asses kicked three panels from now
OH LORDY
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EVERYONE TAMAKI HAS JUST TURNED INTO A HORSE. I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SEVERAL QUESTIONS, THE MOST PRESSING OF WHICH ARE (1) WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HIS PANTS, AND (2) DOES THIS MEAN TAMAKI ATE A FUCKING HORSE. PLEASE STAY TUNED AS WE URGENTLY INVESTIGATE THESE NEW DEVELOPMENTS
lol and the cow horns too. why though. just completes the look I guess
loooooool he’s all “apologies, but please remain still” who are you, Tuxedo Mask??
LOOOOOOL
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by the way, I almost skipped right past this, but the text says Tamaki will be a sidekick at the Fatgum agency starting “next year”, which presumably means “in a couple of weeks because the school year is about to end.” our boy is graduating! I’m so proud, and also really pissed off about Mirio all of a sudden, just throwing that out there. how much longer must his dreams be put on hold. where is the justice. man I need a minute
okay! anyway so now Tokoyami is just running into the basement alone!! hooooo boy. I know it’s dark down there and that’s presumably why they’re sending him of all people, but still. hooooooooo boy
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS NO WAY
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IS TOKOYAMI GOING TO TAKE ON FUCKING RE-DESTRO AND IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING AND WHY THE FUCK IS NIGHT ON BALD MOUNTAIN SUDDENLY PLAYING
KDSFLK;L’LLL
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AM I IN THE RIGHT MANGA. DID DARK SHADOW REALLY JUST GROW NINETY FEET TALL AND START WRESTLING THE SAME FUCKING GUY WHO ALMOST* BROUGHT DOWN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE OF FUCKING VILLAINS
*except he didn’t, let’s be real. didn’t even come close. but still, on paper the hype looks real good!!
AND DO RE-DESTRO’S ROBOT LEGS SOMEHOW FUCKING CHANGE SIZE ALONG WITH HIM. CHALK ANOTHER ONE UP FOR THE MYSTERY BASKET. PUT YOU RIGHT NEXT TO “BUT FOR REAL THOUGH DID TAMAKI ACTUALLY EAT A FUCKING HORSE”
OOOOOF
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LOL DETNERAT’S MERCHANDISE REALLY IS TOTAL SHIT. CAN’T EVEN HANDLE A LITTLE CLASH WITH A GIGANTIC SHADOW DEMON
by the way, check out that one guy in the bottom right corner who just totally doesn’t give the least of fucks. he’s fresh out. he wants to know how much longer this is gonna last so he can go home and get back to playing the new Animal Crossing. did you know they added a new crafting feature. can’t believe he’s stuck here at this boring meeting. this man genuinely doesn’t seem to be at all aware of anything that is currently happening around him and it’s amazing. added to the box of questions
oh man. I don’t quite understand what is happening now but I keep expecting Gigantomachia to just pop up out of nowhere any second and I can’t fucking stand it. Horikoshi please stop showing us these close-ups of destroyed walls
OH GOD OH GOD!!!
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(ETA: what a casual fucking line implying that Tokoyami genuinely believed that there was nobody in THE ENTIRE LEAGUE OF PLIFF who stood a chance against his latest super move. don’t mind him everyone, he’s just been lowkey biding his time to become the strongest member of class 1-A offscreen while his loser classmates were having dramatic family dinners. how many High Ends could Dark Shadow take out I wonder. why did I suddenly get a mental image of Toko losing an arm only to sigh and nonsensically quote Shakespeare or some shit before wrapping Dark Shadow around the stump and getting back to the asskicking.)
NO TOKO NOT THE ANGRY BALD MAN, HE’S TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE!! OH FUCK OH FUCK
LMAO
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:) :) :) can we maybe get my solemn bird son out of this fucking DEATH BASEMENT right the fuck now. can we do that, please
holy shit!?
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:) :) :) I can’t decide whether I trust these panels or not. why is he so confident. does this mean Machia really will be sitting out the arc, or is a trap. help
(ETA: I guess it’s okay for now. ... dammit I’m still suspicious sob.)
also, Tokoyami’s “?!” face is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen though. the fact that he’s physically incapable of altering his expressions no matter what is true comedy gold here
NEVER MIND, THOSE WERE THE WORDS OF A CALLOW YOUTH WHO KNEW NOTHING OF TRUE COMEDY GOLD
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WHAT A FOOL I WAS. PLEASE PARDON MY IGNORANCE. SO HERE WE HAVE TOKOYAMI’S MONOEXPRESSION BIRD HEAD STICKING OUT OF FATGUM’S JOLLY BELLY FOR NO REASON, WHILE FATGUM IS ALL “DON’T YOU FEEL LIKE WE’RE KICKING TOO MUCH ASS AND SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN”, AND SOME OTHER POOR GUY WITH SCISSORS HANDS IS JUST LYING THERE DEAD IN THE BACKGROUND. MY GOD. I’M IN AWE OF THIS
dfkjkjk oh noooo
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“does this young man amuse you,” Horikoshi says as he darkly pencils in the disturbingly concave shadows of Fatgum’s ridiculous fucking quirk. “are his ‘magnificent fellow’ bird antics pleasing for you to watch. I guess it sure would be a shame if I gave him some... angst”
but for real y’all I genuinely can’t take this at all seriously when Tokoyami’s head is still stubbornly and persistently poking its way out of Fatgum like a goddamn baby kangaroo in every fucking panel
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we are entering another Tokoyami+Hawks mentor flashback and this is still all I can think about. why is he even in there. why is any of this happening. Tokoyami really just flung Re-Destro into a wall and then climbed inside of Fatgum feet-first so they could run along to freedom. just fucking ensconced himself. do you think it’s cozy in there. do you think Aizawa would fall asleep
hey Toko please stop having ominous thoughts about my other bird son
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have you ever heard of an announcer jinx. “now here’s a guy who the fans have loved since the moment he was first introduced. and if you look at the stats, fourth place in his first popularity poll, which was taken only ten chapters after his introduction. heck, he’s so popular they even went and gave him a role in the second movie even before he appeared in the anime! it’s undeniable that this young man has a bright future ahead of him, Al.” now you listen here. I don’t at all like where this is headed and it needs to stop right now
anyway so of course on that note we are cutting back to Hawks
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so we’ve confirmed that Hawks has his hands full just melting all of the new clones as they come, and doesn’t have the speed or the excess feathers (or the conviction? :|) to go after the original and put a stop to all this
or you could just ignore everything I say ever because immediately on the next page Horikoshi is all “actually he’s winning lol”
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anyway but it sure would be a shame if someone were to run in and set you on fire right about now. that probably sounds sarcastic but it actually would be really bad lol please don’t set Hawks on fire
(ETA: motherfucker. goddamn. fucking --)
and now Hawks is making clones of his fellow League buddies oh shit!! but right when I was about to scroll down I noticed that Hawks is carrying some sort of recording device?? or communications device?? in his hand very conspicuously in that last panel? and so what is going on here, exactly?
oh shit and never mind about those LoV clones
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that’s all well and good Hawks, but I need you to please just be very cautious and aware and proactive about not catching on fire okay. watch your six
oh my god oh my god
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“now here’s a guy whose rise in popularity was unexpected but just a real pleasure to watch. he just really cares about his friends.” “you said it; he really came into his own a couple arcs back. twenty-third in the most recent poll, and the fans all love him.” fffffff Hawks isn’t a killer Hawks isn’t a killer, I can’t hear you lalala
LA LA LA
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maybe... he’ll just... punch a small hole through one of his lungs... ...
...
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or... a large hole... ... ,,,
oh THANK GOD he’s jumping on top of him. so clearly he’s fine because Shounen Rules. that’s right, this is a manga where Toga survived blowing up from the inside out and Jeanist survived being murdered and stuffed into a tote bag. (right??) why am I so tense I hate this!!
HEY WHAT IS THIS
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or you could just KNOCK HIM OUT??? ?????!??! did they not teach you that in peewee assassin league?! Hawks
I DON’T LIKE THIS I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!!
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STOP SHOWING US TWICE’S SAD THOUGHTS YOU BASTARD NO I DON’T LIKE THIS YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY SO STOP!!
GODDAMMIT HORIKOSHI I FUCKING HATE YOU
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“HERE’S A SERIES OF PANELS WITH TWICE CRYING AND THINKING ABOUT TOGA WHILE HAWKS HOLDS A FUCKING KNIFE RIGHT ABOVE HIS EYE,” HORIKOSHI SAYS WHILE IGNORING EVERYTHING I SAY AND DISABLING ALL COMMENTS ON HIS TWITTER, PROBABLY. WOW I JUST LOOKED IT UP AND APPARENTLY YOU CAN’T DO THAT? DAMN, TWITTER REALLY SUCKS, BUT ANYWAY
FINE THEN DABI YOU CAN SET HIM ON FIRE!!
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JOKE’S ON YOU ASSHOLES, YOU CAN’T HURT ME IF I CAN’T SEE THE LAST PAGE OF THE CHAPTER THROUGH ALL MY TEARS
FUCK
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[SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] THE FUCK WAS THAT
DON’T YOU EVEN DARE, HORIKOSHI. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANY “BUT YOU GAVE HIM PERMISSION”, COME THE FUCK ON, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THAT DIDN’T MEAN SHIT AND I WAS LIABLE TO CHANGE MY MIND YET AGAIN ONLY A PAGE LATER AS PER USUAL! WHAT SORT OF TWISTED MIND WOULD DECIDE THAT THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE TWICE WAS TO SET THE ENTIRE ROOM ABLAZE AND THEN HAVE DABI GLEEFULLY STOMP ON HAWKS’S FACE. WHAT KIND OF SICK MONSTER WOULD DREAM THIS UP. THIS ISN’T HOT AT ALL. HOW DARE YOU
ALSO WTF DABI, “HERE I COME TO RESCUE TWICE” WHILE BURNING HIM ALIVE AS WELL, JESUS CHRIST THESE FUCKING TODOROKIS I SWEAR TO GOD. DID YOUR BRAIN CELLS CATCH FIRE TOO
I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAITED ALL WEEK IN A FUCKING LOCKDOWN FOR THIS SHIT. THIS CHAPTER WAS A FUCKING TRAIN WRECK, AND I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO THANK ITS STUPID CONDUCTOR, OR PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. it’s not the manga we need, but it’s the one we deserve. I guess
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digitalagencybranding · 4 years ago
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Brand Strategy Consulting Services Agencies Battle
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thisphoneisbiggerthanme · 5 years ago
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Shopping Aisle || Frankie and Maple Leaf
Timing: Current Parties: @thisphoneisbiggerthanme @offrankies Summary: Frankie Meets a toy in Took’s General Store, probably. 
Now this was a novel experience. The hallowed halls in which humans carefully hunted their foods, rich with prey of all kinds that smelled so much better than ants and botflies. The Grocery Store. Maple Leaf buzzed around carefully, hid under apples, behind cartons, under ledges, eyes wide as saucers as she looked around. This was amazing. But considering recent attempts to swat her, she was playing it real careful, right up until she got a tiny bit tangled in a bag of oranges as they were being picked up. Maple Leaf squeaked, wriggled and flew out, right up to the face of the Big Leg. Oh, she was pretty too. “Oops. Hi?”
After getting her fruit and the veggies for Rabbit De Niro, the human continued her shopping in the empty lady hygiene aisle. Tampons, tampons… The sudden appearance of something right in front of her made Frankie let out a sharp yelp in surprise, almost making her drop the filled basket. What was that? A toy? Hazel eyes looked around, searching for the mischievous kid that was clearly messing with her, before turning back to the... thing. Maybe Monster High had finally stepped up their game and made fairy shaped drones. She guessed that, if it had speakers for the kid to speak, then it probably had a mic so they could hear her back. “Uh, Hello there. You shouldn’t be playing with toys before buying them?”
“Oh, I’m not a toy, but I could pretend to be! I’ve seen Toy Story!” Maple Leaf replied eagerly, squinting up at the lady cheerfully. She looked around at the boxes nearby, and the white pids on every label. “Wow, do they sell beds in here? Those look a little big for me but very comfortable.” Focus, Maples! Maple Leaf spun back to face the Big Legs and waved her arms voraciously. “Hi! What kind of Big Leg are you?”
Now this was a strange kid. Maybe they were doing a sketch for Tiktok? “Well Toy Story is a really good movie, I’m not surprised you’ve seen it.” Why exactly was she talking to a drone? Frankie had no idea, but she couldn’t help but find the situation funny, a smile creeping on her face as she tried not to laugh. “Oh, no, those are, uhm, pads.” No way she would elaborate on what pads were, not when she could be potentially dealing with a young kid. “I’m Frankie, is that what you mean?”
"Yeah, beds, that's what I said. Kinda small for you, and uh… what does it mean 'max absorbance" to last the night? Is it a softness thing? I bet those beds are the comfiest.” Maple Leaf said, tapping one of the boxes thoughtfully, as if she was considering buying them like any other person in this store. Well, she’d have to steal them, because much like her phone money was much too big for Maple Leaf to manage. She spun back to Frankie, buzzing up real close to her face. “Nope, but it’s nice to meet you, Frankie! I’m Maple Leaf. I mean, what kind of Big Leg are you?”
Frankie couldn’t help but snort, covering her mouth for a moment to avoid a laughing fit. Kids really had the wildest imaginations out there. “Pads are… similar to diapers, but, uh, only certain people need them.” Having the thing so close made her take a step back, blinking repeatedly. Kid was definitely good at flying the thing. “Maple Leaf?” Was that the name of a new doll? Perhaps the brand? She definitely didn’t keep up with toys these days. Pressing her lips together, she looked around to make sure no one was watching her act like a crazy woman, and after leaving her basket on the ground, she held both hands up, as if offering her hands as a landing place for the drone. “I’m not sure I know what you mean. What’s a, uhh, Big Leg?”
Maple Leaf wrinkled up her tiny nose, trying to work out what exactly was so funny. “Similar to diapers? They’re a weird shape to attach to any kind of baby, even human ones. Eh, I guess you know better than me. I’m usually from the other side of town and a far part of there too. I don’t spend any kind of time with Big Legs.” She buzzed in enthusiasm as Frankie set down her basket, and settled right on Frankie’s proffered hand. “Well, you are! And him and him and them and everyone else around that’s shaped like you and sized like you! And I’m a pixie, because I’m not a big leg. Duh!”
“No, they don’t get attached to--- You know? Nevermind.” No point in explaining pads to a kid who probably didn’t even know what periods were. Looking around as Maple Leaf pointed around her, Frankie realized what she meant. So Big Legs was another way of calling adults. Probably female ones, considering the word shape. Damn, getting outdated on the newest slang suddenly made her feel super old. “Pixie? Is that the toy’s brand?” Part of her wanted to grab the thing and examine it, but a larger part of her hated the idea of ruining the kids fun. Cocking her head to one side, she let out a hum. “Well, I’m a, uhh, regular Big Leg, I think. Is your mom a Big Leg too? Is she somewhere around here?”
“The toy brand? What? No, I’m just a regular pixie. No one has ever branded me, that sounds real painful!” Maple Leaf exclaimed, so energetic that she jumped up, pacing backwards and forwards on Frankie’s hand. A regular Big Leg? What did that mean? Well, she was no fae, that much was obvious, but that left a whole lot of somethings for her to sort through. Maybe she was huma- Ew! “What? Ew, no, why would my mom be a Big Leg? How would that even work? Do they not teach humans here how sex works?” Maple Leaf stared at Frankie judgementally. Poor Big Legs. 
Putting it that way, it did sound painful, and though Frankie wanted to laugh about the kid’s wits for coming up with such a clever reply, and knowing they were clearing watching her, she held it in and nodded solemnly. Except their sudden outburst made her widen her eyes in surprise. Okay, so Big Legs was definitely not slang for female adults, maybe teenag--- Did they just say sex? “Uhh--” Feeling a bit anxious, she looked around the empty aisle once more. The words they were using made her realize she wasn’t speaking to the 7 or something years old she had imagined. “Uh, sorry, Maple Leaf, I thought Big Legs meant adults.” Props to them for remaining in character, though. “How old are you again?”
“Well I’m an adult and I’m not a Big Leg,” Maple Leaf huffed, angry for a moment. But her moods were quick as a winter breeze - that is to say, gusty - and she was quickly over it, standing still on Frankie’s hand and staring back up at the pretty Big Leg. “How old am I? Uhhh I lose count. Maybe I’m eighty seven? Maybe I’m ninety three? Somewhere around there. Time is all wacky on the other side of town anyway. Well, really, its wacky here, not there, but the change is all kinds of confusing.” She rubbed the back of her head. “How old are you?”
Frankie now was just lost, and though confusion was clear on her face, she continued smiling at the small toy mostly to not hurt the kid’s feelings. She made a mental note to google what Big Legs were as soon as she got home. “Right.” The human simply said, and laughed a little at the ramble. She made another mental note to look out for the drone next time she found herself in East End (What else could other side of town mean?) “You look really good for someone that old, Maple Leaf. I’m, uhm, nineteen myself...” Voice trailed off when a lady’s voice came from behind her asking her to move. Embarrassment washed over her as she turned her head around and took a step to the side whispering a small “sorry”. 
“Wow, only nineteen? You big legs sure grow fast!” Maple Leaf tilted her head curiously, and was starting to think of other things to ask Frankie, like how it felt to be so big, how her hair was so pretty, if she’d like having her ears a little more pointier.Just then another Big Leg walked on by, and Maple Leaf dived behind the tampax isle. As much as she wanted to keep talking, not all Big Legs were nice and sweet. She scrunched up her face and grinned. “See you around, Big Leg!” She crowed from out of sight, and started shopping through the pad isle for her next bed. 
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09yards · 5 years ago
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Don’t Call Me Angel / NCT secret agent au | read on ao3 here
pairings: Kun x Ten, Johnny x Taeyong, Doyoung x Jaehyun, Mark x Donghyuck, Lucas x Renjun and small Hendery x Yangyang
note: I changed the pairings from the original ones slightly and apologies for that but I think the story will work a lot better now. Anyways, enjoy (:
“I do not need some six-foot, macho-man, babysitter, Kun. I think I’ve made it perfectly clear I can take care of myself and we both know I work better alone.”
“Ten, when I came over last night I found you crying on the sofa with an almost empty bottle of expensive white wine over Grey’s Anatomy. You cannot take care of yourself.”
“Derek died Kun, gone , dead , never coming back! He left Meredith alone, and she’s pregnant! Think of the babies! Anyone with a heart would find that upsetting.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t have a heart then,” Kun tisked, “And seriously, what is your obsession with babies? Can you move on from that soon—you keep mentioning them around Taeyong and he keeps whining about how cute they are too. Babies are weird, squishy things, they are not cute . They cry and scream and you can’t just leave them to their own devices. It’s so irritating .”
“Jesus, you’re such a bitch. You’re my best friend and I love you but god Kun, you can be so mean . But we’re getting off topic—I don’t need a damn bodyguard!”
“He’s not some bodyguard or babysitter Ten, he’s going to be your partner —your equal, if you will.” Kun stood up from his seat and walked around his desk to lean against it, gaze firm and business face on. “The two of you will be working together . He happens to be extremely skilled in the combat side of things and yes, he is much taller than you and appearance-wise he seems more fitting to the role. And his looks match your work a little more than yours do. He’s ex-military, his file says a Navy SEAL if I recall correctly. He will make sure you stay out of trouble while you charm and flirt your way through missions. He will allow me to guarantee—or at least somewhat reassure—your safety.”
“I sincerely apologise that I’m disrupting your usual conduct Ten, but I won’t apologise for wanting to make sure you’re safe. After what happened with Sicheng, neither me nor Taeyong are willing to take any risks when it comes to the safety of our agents. Even Doyoung is being assigned a partner for his field work. Taeyong is letting him know later, and so I give it—” Kun paused to give a quick glance to his watch and then the clock ticking against the wall. “—about forty minutes until the coffee table in the reception is smashed into several hundred thousand pieces, again . Remind me to ask Jungwoo to order a new one when we’re finished.”
Ten let out a soft chuckle, “I’m sorry too, by the way.” Ten took a deep breath, his voice was much quieter than normal, almost as if he was embarrassed. “I get where you’re coming from, I’m just not used to working with any other people aside from Doyoungie or Hendery in my ear, let alone working with anyone in the flesh. The only person I ever had as a partner was you, way back when we were still rookies.” Kun flashed him a small smile in return, an acknowledgement of some sorts of their rookie days. The days before Kun left.
“It’s going to be an adjustment, but I think it’s a good thing. Frankly, even though you probably won’t see it at first, you and Youngho will get along great. He’s coming from a placement in Berlin. He was originally part of the European branch actually, and he’s also bringing three other agents with him—Jung Yoonoh, Lee Donghyuck and Liu Yangyang. I’m not sure what code names they’re being assigned as of yet. Youngho is fluent in both Korean and English, and apparently his Mandarin isn’t terrible so you can pick what you like but keep in mind who your in-ear is. Don’t speak in a language they don't understand. That will remain the rule.”
“You mean if my in-ear is, for some reason, not Hendery or even Mark. You do know that there’s been only one case out of the four hundred and ninety-six missions I’ve worked where my in-ear hasn’t been one of them? And while we’re on that, please never assign Jeno to me again—he was awful but , in all fairness, I think he was just scared of telling me what to do.” Kun rolled his eyes at the fact Ten has memorised his exact number of missions and watches as Ten had visibly relaxed once again, kicking his feet up onto the arm of the sofa he was lounging on. His eyes widened as he tried to remember the information Kun had told him. “Wait, European? Kun did you finally find me the hot British agent of my dreams? I’m ready for my romancing. Okay, that’s a lie, but who knows.” He shrugged.
“No. I don’t know the logistics of how he ended up in Europe but he’s American, from Chicago—the place that, according to him and a quick google search, has really good pizza and is always windy. I wasn’t really interested in his life story, I was more interested in his stats on his transfer application. If it’s any consolation, Irene and Seulgi swear by him—gave him glowing references from their time in Paris and said he’s easy on the eyes, whatever that means.”
“Ah, Kun dearest ,” his voice dripping with sarcasm at the added endearment, “How would you rate his attractiveness?”
“I don’t know, Ten, I don’t pay attention to these things. Besides, I’ve yet to meet him in the flesh. I’ve only seen the pictures from his profile that were provided.”
“Bullshit! Just because you’re all work-focussed and don’t spend time on tinder doesn’t mean you can’t objectively determine if someone is attractive or not. What do our years of friendship get me if you can’t even tell me whether or not he’s ‘future partner with mutually beneficial relations material?’”
The apples of Kun’s cheeks turned rosy at that, a light blush washing over him as he visibly stiffened slightly. Ten always found it amusing that even with their years of friendship and his own distinct lack of a filter, when it came to most discussions—particularly his nonchalant approach to sex and the attractiveness of someone—Kun would flush instantly like you’d just caught him with his pants down. Unfortunately, Ten knew exactly how Kun reacted to being seen with his pants down, a price that comes with having been friends for many years and Ten’s old habit of showing up at Kun’s apartment unannounced. It’s safe to say Ten avoided him for several weeks after the incident, and now he always makes sure to knock or text.
“He—” Kun faltered, “—I guess, objectively speaking of course, I might agree that he’s attractive. Although he seems like a romantic so don’t get your hopes up. God , I need a drink before I talk about this with you and the tantrum Doyoung is going to throw—oh dear.”
“No worries, I can help you with that!” Ten jumped up from his seat, walking over to the large bookshelf filling the length of one of the walls of Kun’s office. He rummaged behind several boxes of files before yelling, “Found it!” and returning with a bottle of soju. Kun doesn’t want to know how or when it ended up in his office, but Ten seems to have gained psychic abilities because he counters that, “It’s a need-to-know basis and you don’t need to know. But you never know when you might need a bottle. It’s handy to keep one around.”
“Have you got glasses hidden somewhere too?”
“’Fraid not. We do, however, have mugs so that’ll do. Shot glasses are a pain anyway. You have to keep refilling them and with a mug you don’t.” Ten promptly poured the soju, filling the two mugs and whispering “It’s our little secret,” before sitting down once again (with his feet up on the arm rest again, Kun couldn’t help sneer a little—he was a fan of the no shoes on the furniture policy, but Ten doesn’t agree to it at home, so why would Kun expect him to at the office?).
“Stop glaring at me, Kun. I’m not putting my feet down. Now , finish what you were saying about my partner .”
“I really don’t know much else about him,” Kun sighed, “he requested that two of the other agents also received a transfer and the third was given a non-negotiable transfer. He got into some trouble while in Berlin so they had to pull him immediately, but even I wasn’t given the details. I do know that he speaks Mandarin, so you can have someone else to practice with when you feel like, and I’m sure Xiaojun will be roping him into the Chinese-only nights in no time.”
“Kun, you’re supposed to be the source of all information. How do you know so little? Oh quit it, I know you only know what the profile tells you blah blah blah.”
“You can tease Doyoung about this partner, if that makes you feel any better. I don’t know much about him either but he’s another ex-military poster boy, Yoonoh could pass as a high-end model too. According to Seulgi they call him ‘everyone’s first love’. He has dimples that are apparently ‘ to die for ’ and if the photos on his profile are anything to go by, he has some rather... prominent abs. Taeyong described them as washboard,” when Kun had asked him to explain, Taeyong had patted the younger’s head and told him that it was late and he was going to head home. “I practically had to wipe the drool off of his face after he spent far too long looking at the pictures attached to the profile. Who even attaches multiple shirtless pictures to their profile? We only need one for identification, not multiple for Taeyong to fawn over. Jesus , pass the bottle, would you?”
“Kun it’s not even 5 pm, I think one mug of soju is enough daytime drinking while at work, especially if the new people are arriving today.”
“Need I remind you that I’m your superior, pass the bottle so I can drown out that picture. He kept making jokes about how I never date. I was young and hot once you know? I had fun, I got around, I wasn’t old and boring like I am now.”
“Kun I do not need or want to know how your sex life has deteriorated. I lived next-door to you in college—that’s all I need to know. You’ll find someone when you’re ready. Who knows, maybe you’ve already met them.”
“Have you thought about my offer to live with me or on-base yet? I don’t like the thought of you living alone… not after everything.”
Ten raised his eyebrow at the comment. “I haven’t yet but I’ll think about it. Now , tell me about Yoonoh.”
“The only other thing I was told is that he’s supposedly quite the charmer and sweet talker, however he’s always declined any advances made towards him according to Irene. He seems to have a naturally flirtatious personality, though.”
“Ahh, brilliant! Poor Doie is going to fall in love with him so quickly, I can’t wait . I hope Yoonoh’s going to flirt with him. He isn’t going to have a clue what to do.”
“What you’re saying would sound sympathetic or supportive coming from anyone else's mouth, but from yours it just sounds downright sadistic.”
If Kun hadn’t known Ten as long as he had, the eerie smile Ten is currently adorning would’ve been alarming but alas, once you’d known someone long enough, and you’d risked death together and saved one another’s lives more than a handful of times, and a large part of your job involves killing other people, it takes a lot to creep Kun out these days.
“Hey, your forty minutes are up now and no smashed coffee table yet—“
As if someone of a higher power was listening in, the sound of glass shattering echoed through the ground floor of the building along with several screeches from whoever was milling around at the time. This wouldn’t be the last time Doyoung would throw whatever piece of furniture he could get his hands on off the balcony, launching it to the floor below and consistently nailing the coffee table in particular.
“As you were saying Ten?”
Ten pouted and mumbled, “Never mind.”
There was a sheepish knock on the door and Kun yelled a quick come in as a response.
“Sorry to bother you guys, just thought I’d let you know, Kun, but I’m putting the order for a new coffee table in now and a new office chair. Is there anything else you need?”
“No that’s all, thanks Jungwoo.”
“Wait? An office chair too?” Ten sat up a little, waiting for a response.
“Yes, Ten,” Jungwoo sighed, “That’s what Doyoung threw off the balcony—may need to bring a contractor in to fix the dent in the floor, but I think a new table will cover it enough that it doesn’t need to be done anytime soon.”
“I forgot you’ve never actually witnessed Doyoung throwing various belongings off the balcony. The money he costs me is ridiculous.”
“I’ll leave the two of you to it. I doubt it’ll be long before they make their way down. You know what Doyoung’s like.”
“No worries, thanks Jungwoo.”
Jungwoo had only just made it back to his desk where Xiaojun was waiting with a fresh cup of coffee when Doyoung flung Kun’s office door open, bypassing the now sheepish looking Jungwoo and closely followed by an exasperated looking Taeyong.
“For the last time, Taeyong, no! It’s not happening! I work alone, alone ! Do I need to spell it out for you? It’s a five-letter word, of which the meaning is to be by oneself, or shall we take the definition from the Oxford Dictionary where they define alone to be: one, without any other people or two, without the help of other people or things.” Doyoung took a second to catch his breath in between sentences, “I don’t need someone looking out for me, I look out for me. I’m the quartermaster, I head up our entire technology department.”
He jabbed a finger in Taeyong’s direction, “I’m regarded as one of the best amongst all the branches of NCT. Yes, I hacked my profile again to look. You really should get someone to make it less easy—oh wait, you can’t because I’m the only one who can because it’s my job. I am not some newbie field agent who doesn’t know how to reload a handgun in less than ten seconds. You made me go through the training just like everyone else, I can tell you that I did not engage in hand to hand combat on a daily basis with Lucas for shits and giggles. No one trains with Lucas for fun aside from Renjun but its Renjun. That kid scares me, he may be pint-sized but if Ten has taught me anything, the short ones can bite and they usually have high pain thresholds but not-so high patience and I’m not ready to die just yet. Honestly, I’m getting a tad concerned at the number of people we employ that appear very cute but just happen to be capable of snapping your neck or blowing your head off.”
“Are you done yet?” Taeyong sighed, impatiently tapping his foot against the floor. He was fully aware that Doyoung wasn’t actually angry, he wasn’t death glaring either Taeyong or Kun, and aside from the coffee table no major damage had been caused. It was typical Doyoung, whine until someone gives in.
“No. No, I am not finished. Thank you, Taeyong.”
“Oh my, please continue, Doyoung. Everyone here wants to hear your pathetic complaints.” Ten’s trademark sarcasm dripping from every word.
“Oh Ten, don’t act like you weren’t whining to Kun about this less than an hour ago.”
“At least I haven’t been bitching to Taeyong for an hour and thrown a fucking chair. You can be so dramatic Doyoungie.”
“Dramatic? Me? Have you met yourself?”
“Both of you, be quiet!” It was rare of Kun to yell at someone, to be angry with them—let alone full-fledged shouting in the confines of his office. “Taeyong, please may you check with Jungwoo on when the new agents will be here? Ten and Doyoung can join the meeting as well if they stop insisting on acting like children . Apparently, they seem to have forgotten that we may all be friends here, but while we’re at work, I am their superior and what I say is final.”
“Sorry to interrupt again Kun, but the new agents are here. Xiaojun is with them in the conference room and asked me to get you as soon as possible. He seems to find them rather intimidating.”
“Right, nevermind Taeyong and thank you Jungwoo, we’ll be right there. You and Xiaojun can feel free to head home. I’ll need just one of you to round up whoever’s still hovering and point them in the direction of the dorms—I don’t want to be interrupted when we give them the tour. Have a nice evening, and I will see you tomorrow.”
“Will do, thank you. I’ll be in for the conference with Japan first thing in the morning. See you then!” With a meek half-smile, he hurried out of the office once again. Jungwoo wasn’t a stranger to the tension of the office, so he knew very well that Kun rarely shouted, and he wasn’t for testing his patience.
“Okay then. Do you two still want to act like toddlers with your whining? Or can we all go and introduce ourselves to the new agents with the manners and respect we would expect to receive from anyone else?”
“Yes, Kun. Sorry, Kun.” They both mumbled simultaneously, standing up and straightening their clothes.
“Ready, Yong?”
“After you.”
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shoppingfedmngr-blog · 4 years ago
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How to Set Up a Google Product Feed in WooCommerce
Creating a Google product feed for Google Shopping from WooCommerce has in no way been easier. Google Shopping is a segment of Google’s seek engine platform that connects the key phrases you look for to applicable merchandise to be had from traders all throughout the web. You’ve in all likelihood even visible some merchandise pop up in seek consequences with out even clicking over to the Shopping tab as soon as or twice.
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In this put up, we’re going to cowl what Google Shopping is and the way to installation a Google product feed of your personal out of your WooCommerce save. We’ll additionally pass over what to anticipate as soon as your feed is live.
Let’s get commenced.
Google Shopping: The Source of Your Google Product Feed
Let’s take a short peek at Google Shopping and the whole thing it has to provide from the patron’s perspective. We’ll use the quest term “coffee maker” as an example.
You can see how there are already some merchandise indexed on the pinnacle of the quest consequences with out even clicking over to the Shopping tab. These are the high-quality-rated coffee machines Google determined in its product database, and they’re sourced from every save’s Google product feed. You can scroll thru them with out even having to browse the Shopping tab.
You’ll see some filters that’ll assist you to slender your seek in addition to a kind characteristic. If you click on on an character product, its data container will amplify to characteristic a Visit Store button main to the shop that gives the high-quality price. You can examine charges for extra shops or even study critiques from more than one stores that promote that product.
How Google Shopping Works for Retailers
In Google Shopping, the gathering of merchandise you upload is referred to as a Google product feed. For the longest time, starting in 2012 while Google rebranded its product seek device to “Google Shopping” to be exact, including a product feed to Google Shopping required a Google Ads (previously Google AdWords) marketing campaign in addition to an account with Google Merchant Center.
This method you now not want to position cash in a Google Ads marketing campaign to have your merchandise featured in seek consequences and including a product feed to Google Merchant Center is now free.
It additionally method Google Shopping has moved farfar from its subsidized nature and now consists of natural product listings, aleven though you could nonetheless get a leg-up at the opposition through procuring advertisements that’ll push your merchandise above natural listings.
The alternate became carried out to shops withinside the United States at the start of 2019 and multiplied to different international locations later withinside the year.
Why Use Google Shopping?
According to a file posted through Adthena in 2018 known as The Rise of Google Shopping, Google Shopping advertisements made up 76.4% of advert spend and 85.3% of clicks in retail seek in Q1 of 2018. This records became in comparison to textual content advertisements.
Other key stats from this file consist of the following:
Apparel and patron electronics ruled Google Shopping advertisements withinside the US and UK.
Apparel
Ad Spend: 84.6% withinside the US and 89.6% withinside the UK.
Clicks: 89.7% withinside the US and 90.3% withinside the UK.
Consumer Electronics
Ad Spend: 86% withinside the US and 78.4% withinside the UK.
Clicks: 90.2% withinside the US and 86.1% withinside the UK.
Ads are pushed through non-branded seek phrases with branded seek phrases best making up 33.6% of advert spend withinside the US and 20.5% of advert spend withinside the UK.
As for the consequences you could attain from Google Shopping advertisements, right here are multiple real-international stats from customers. After spending $112.26 on advertisements for 19 days, Corey Ferreira earned $319.ninety two in sales from an experimental save that bought gaming glasses from Alibaba. That’s a 185% go back on investment.
Vertical Rail became additionally capable of growth their client’s sales through 87% in six months with a renewed attention on their client’s Google Shopping advert strategy.
What You Need to Get Started with Google Shopping
There are some conditions you want to have so as earlier than you get commenced with Google Shopping. They are:
Products to promote.
Return and refund policies.
SSL-enabled checkout page.
Verified internet site in Google Search Console.
Google Merchant account.
Google Ads account in case you need to advertise.
Here are short factors of every.
1. Products to Sell
Since this put up is a WooCommerce educational at its core, you’ll want a WooCommerce save with merchandise prepared to promote. Google Merchant Center calls for merchandise to be to be had for direct product purchase.
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This method you aren’t capable of listing merchandise you’re an associate for nor are you able to consist of merchandise hidden at the back of pay-per-click on links.
2. Return and Refund Policies
These are required to apply Google Shopping. Google desires you to have each of those guidelines written out and effortlessly to be had for clients to read. This manner putting them on your phrases and situations and placing anchor hyperlinks on your footer that takes the purchaser without delay to that a part of your T&Cs.
You can paintings without delay with a legal professional to construct your phrases and situations, or you could absolutely generate your go back and refund guidelines with a pair easy tools:
Termly
TermsFeed
3. SSL-Enabled Checkout Page
HTTPS pages are actually an reliable Google rating factor, so that you need to have already got an SSL certificates carried out on your complete webweb page, because of this that your checkout pages and another pages you operate to gather consumer facts need to already be encrypted.
Because SSL is a demand mandated with the aid of using Google, many hosts now provide unfastened and easy-to-deployation SSL certificate as complementary services. If your keep is in the back of on this, supply our WooCommerce help a strive for $1 and we’ll contend with it for you.
4. Verify Your Website in Google Search Console
This is every other requirement for putting in a Google Merchant Center account. This is due to the fact Google makes use of the verification in Google Search Console to confirm your internet site while you upload your internet site to Google Merchant Center.
I notably propose developing a Google Search Console even in case you don’t use Google shopping feed manager . It lets in you to post a sitemap of your webweb page to Google and indicators you of any vital errors, which include whilst a web page of yours is ready to “noindex” or whilst a URL is returning 404 errors.
Head to Google Search Console to get started, and check in with Google account. Next, click on Add a Property to feature your internet site URL as a property.
Be positive to feature the HTTPS model of your internet site, and in case you brought “www” on your area while you registered it, consist of it as well.
You’ll then want to confirm your internet site. You can try this in some easy clicks when you have a Google Analytics monitoring ID established to your webweb page. Google will stroll you thru the opposite steps, however the use of your monitoring ID is with the aid of using a ways the easiest.
5. Set up a Google Merchant Center Account
Head on over to the Google Merchant Center frontpage, and click on Get Started.
You’ll be redirected to a web page that explains every segment of the registration process. Click Get Started again.
You’ll be requested to signal into your Google account in which you could whole the 3-component registration form.
In the primary segment, input all applicable facts Google wishes from you. Agree to their phrases and situations withinside the second, and confirm your internet site withinside the third. The internet site verification step is in which Google Search Console comes into play.
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You’ll be redirected to the Google Merchant Center dashboard after you click on Finish.
We won’t get into the fine details of the Merchant Center dashboard on this post. Just realize that you’ll want to visit Products → Feeds to add the XML record the plugin we’ll be the use of generates for you.
6. Create a Google Ads Account
If you need to sell your merchandise thru advertisements, you’ll additionally want a Google Ads account. Similar to Google Search Console, all you want to do is head to the Google Ads frontpage and signal into your Google account.
How to Set Up a Google Product Feed in WooCommerce
WordPress plugins expedite lots of methods withinside the international of net development, and putting in a Google product feed on your WooCommerce keep isn't anyt any different. There are a handful of plugins that may carry out this assignment for you, however we’re going to attention on one for the motive of this tutorial.
WooCommerce Google Feed Manager is a Google product feed plugin that integrates with WooCommerce. It is available in unfastened and top rate versions.
Google product feeds characteristic the identical facts attributed on your merchandise in WooCommerce. It makes use of fields for this motive, and what this plugin does is join the ones fields to the WordPress database so that you can generate feeds with out touching a unmarried line of code.
About WooCommerce Google Feed Manager
The unfastened model of WooCommerce Google Feed Manager most effective connects to Google Shopping and boundaries the wide variety of merchandise you could upload on your feeds to a most of 100.
You can select 3 stages of classes in Google Shopping and join every feed to at least one or greater classes in WooCommerce. They may be discern or infant classes.
There’s additionally a characteristic called “Attribute Mapping.” Like I said, this plugin breaks down the fields attributed to every of your WooCommerce merchandise and fits them to Google Shopping’s fields. This characteristic lets in you to edit those fields in case the plugin’s automatic device were given some thing incorrect or some fields want to be optimized.
You also can select how frequently the plugin updates feeds. This guarantees they usually show off newly brought merchandise and the modern-day product facts.
Pricing for the top rate model of WooCommerce Google Feed Manager begins offevolved at €69. It permits you to feature an infinite range of merchandise on your feeds. It additionally comes with 12 months of guide and updates. Support is to be had through stay chat and a price price tag system.
Paying for higher-tiered plans offers you the capacity to generate feeds for as much as 5 stores and extra channels, consisting of Amazon, Facebook, Bing, eBay and greater.
We’re going to consciousness at the loose model on this post, however you may simply as without problems observe at the side of the top rate model.
Installation and Setup
The loose model of WooCommerce Google Feed Manager is to be had withinside the WordPress plugin repository. That way you may deployation it simply as you'll every other plugin.
Log into your WordPress site, and head to the Add New (plugin) web page. Search for WooCommerce Google Feed Manager, and deployation and spark off it.
Fortunately, this plugin’s settings are trustworthy and probably won’t want to be changed. There are multiple movement settings and buttons to note, however.
This consists of the Disable Background Processing, which you may allow in case your feeds stall whilst processing. You also can strive clicking the Clear Feed Process button if this happens.
You also can re-initialize the plugin from this web page in case you want to replace your tables. Backups may be created as well.
Creating a New Feed
To start growing a brand new feed, click on over to the Feed Manager section, and click on Add New Section.
Enter a descriptive label to your feed withinside the File Name field, such as “Men’s T-Shirts – Black,” and select Google Merchant as your channel. This exhibits greater settings you may configure to your feed.
Mapping Categories for Your Feed
The Default Category putting permits you to select the Google Merchant class that excellent represents the feed you’re growing. Start with the aid of using deciding on a determine class. For “men’s black t-shirts,” this will be Apparel & Accessories.
Once you choose this, every other class drop-down menu will seem as will the Category Mapping and Attribute Mapping features.
You can select greater class ranges for Google Merchant. This could be “Clothing” and then “Shirts & Tops” for our “men’s black t-shirts” feed. In the Category Mapping box, select the class(ies) that carries the goods you need to consist of to your feed.
A little bit of textual content that says “Map to Default Category” will seem. This default putting maps the WooCommerce classes you select to the default Google Merchant class you chose, which is “Shirts & Tops” in my case. Click Edit in case you’d want to map an character WooCommerce class to a specific Google Merchant class.
You’ll additionally see a putting called “Include Product Variations.” When you choose this, it’ll upload every product version as character merchandise to your feed. Unfortunately, this option is handiest to be had withinside the top rate model.
If you didn’t create descriptive sufficient classes to prepare your merchandise greater successfully whilst you first constructed your store, I suggest taking a chunk of time to accomplish that earlier than growing a feed for Google Shopping.
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cynnied-writes · 5 years ago
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Perfect Imperfections
○ paring: kralsei ( kris x ralsei )
○ genre/warnings: pure unadulterated fluff with a bit of angst
○ tags: sunrises | worrying over dates | imperfection | early morning drives | sitting on mountaintops | sweet kisses | sun showers
○ word count: 3.5k
→ summary: ralsei is coming to visit and, after days of deliberation, kris knows exactly where to bring him.
○  note: so this is the kralsei thing I said I was working on over on @cynnied-art. I hope you enjoy!
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Kris’ hometown was a barren land of clinical depression and midlife crises. Filled to the brim with literally nothing to do.
And yes, they’ve checked.
All you can do is; eat at the diner, hang out in the school’s playground, stare at the lake for hours… Get a concussion? Soon realize that, in the grand scheme of the universe, nothing you do will ever matter? Oh, there’s also a pizza place that doesn’t technically even serve pizza.
This is the bad place if you were wondering.
For Kris, this was all common knowledge. They had known this since they were twelve. And yet here they were. Still sitting at their computer. Bathed in the pale, artificial glow of the screen at 5 am in the morning. Trying to find something, anything, to do. But, after wasting their finite time on the interwebz, a realization dawned on them. Their search was, in fact, fruitless.
They let out an extended groan. Slumping into their computer chair at the sight of the miles of empty space on Google Maps. This was hopeless. They lived in a tiny town. A tiny town in the middle of nowhere. With the closest city being three long hours away. And if they spent one more minute looking at a screen their eyes would die. 
A softer sigh fell as they pushed away from the desk. Kris stretched as they stood up on wobbly legs. Their bones popping back into place. They exhaled dramatically. Ending the exaggerated motion slouched over like an exhausted Sim.
This was so lame. SO LAME!
Their boyfriend was coming tomorrow and they had nothing special planned. All because of their stupid, boring hometown. Sure, they could laze around on the monkey bars again. Share another milkshake at the diner? Or you know, contemplate the meaning of life for a couple of hours. For the second time. Ralsei wouldn’t mind. But that’s the reason for all the mounting stress.
He wouldn’t care. He’d be happy to spend time with them. The duo could be in the ninth ring of hell and he’d still say it was a pretty good date. He’ll never expect any more than their simple presence. He’s just so…
Perfect.
Too perfect.
And Kris wasn’t. 
Their legs were too long. Hair’s too shaggy. Mannerisms too odd. Mind and soul too fucked up. The immediate willingness to eat moss off a dungeon floor kinda solidified that.
And, yet…
Ralsei still smiled at them with eyes filled with galaxies. Blushed whenever he caught them gazing. Said words that only held a genuine affection. Sang them the kinds of songs only Disney princesses sang to their true loves.
His words might stutter or his lyrics might be on the cheesy side but, man…
These trips to the surface he makes… to visit them? To visit a creepy, loner that could barely hold a conversation? In their mind, there was no other option. His visits had to be special. 
Kris’ feet dragged across their bedroom floor. A hundred percent ready to crash into bed. They shuffled before a strand of light caught them by surprise. Not taking in that tomorrow was now today.
The bright beam stung as Kris ran to close the curtains. Their hands paused, though. Gripping the rough fabric, they peered through the gap between them.
Orange and pink hues blended in the early morning sky. Contrasting against the shadowed tree line, the sun slowly rose. Its rays stretching across the horizon.
Any hint of drowsiness they had slipped into the background. Their soul lost its usual burdensome weight at the sight. Memories from a time almost forgotten reemerged in Kris’ mind.
Sitting high up. So high, it felt like they were in another world. Looking off into the distance. The same orangish colours surrounded them. Cool breezes brought golden leaves with them. Warmth seeped from the knitted scarf around their neck. Warmth seeped from the loved ones who were near. 
Everything was… perfect.
Oh.
In that moment, as they stared out of their window, enchanted by the sunrise, they knew.
They just knew. This was the view Ralsei deserved to see.The two teens snuck out of Kris’ home shy of twenty-four hours later.
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The two teens snuck out of Kris’ home shy of twenty-four hours later.
With hands interlocked and fog all around them, they made their way across town. The sharpness of the air filled their noses. They kept their voices hushed and footsteps quick. Up above them the navy blue blanket of the night began to brighten. Slowly changing shades in the sky above.
Ralsei let a yawn escape him.
A few moments ago his steady had the honour of waking his tired form. Though the gesture was as old as time, a heroic knight waking a sleeping princess, this time it wasn’t with a kiss. His knight’s methods involved things like poking his side and harsh whispers. Not exactly fairy tale material but accuracy is a small price to pay.
Especially because he got to experience the wondrous things that are sleepovers. Sleeping in Kris’ room. Sleeping in Kris’ bed. Hogging all the blankets because they smell like sunshine. Kris didn’t seem to appreciate that last one. But, they also didn’t appreciate nice smelling sheets like he did.
Although, one caveat dampened the experience a bit. They had to forgo the “sleeping-in” part of a sleepover. No waking up to strands of light coming from the curtains. No smell of breakfast drifting from downstairs.
Nope, only waking up before the sun was even awake and sneaking through the streets. Like a couple of rapscallions.
Guess he still had much to learn.
Their feet finally crunched on fallen leaves as Kris brought him to the Flower King. Or rather, the side of it. His steady let go of his paw, using their spare hand to rummage through their inventory pockets.
Earlier in the day, Kris had waltzed into their father’s shop. Locked in loaded with a puppy-dog grin and years of unused “child of divorce” brownie points. They also maybe over-exaggerated their driving abilities a bit.
Okay, maybe a lot.
But, nonetheless, his truck would be back in its spot before 9 am and in the exact way he left it. As promised. Most likely. As long as they didn’t have to parallel park at any point.
With a startling beep, their father’s truck unlocked. The duo got in and tried to settle into their seats. Both a bit nervous about the endeavour. Kris more about the actual act of driving and Ralsei about the defiance.
He sank into the worn, leather seats as he began to worry. It was one of his oldest pastimes. His thoughts endlessly spinning worse and worse outcomes of his current situation.
This excursion couldn’t end well, right? There were a thousand different ways it could all go wrong.
Before he could spiral down any further, Ralsei jumped out of his thoughts as the old truck burst to life. The engine began to rumble. All the tiny lights and icons along the dash started flickering. While the soothing tones of John Denver drifted through the radio.
“Are you sure about this, Kris?”
They glanced up from adjusting the driver’s seat height to their size instead of their father’s. They tilted their head as a simple reply.
“Kriiiiiss.” He scolded, understanding their unspoken sentiment. It’s not like he didn’t know they were a teen of few words before they had started dating.
Continuing their silence, Kris’ head only tilted further. Resembling a ninety-degree angle instead of one belonging to a proper steady. Ralsei sighed, “You know what I mean. There’s no way your mother’s going to be okay with this.”
A shrug for a reply.
“How about we go for breakfast at the dinner from the second time I came? Those checkered things we had were pretty tasty. Waffles, right?”
A small grimace, this time.
“Or how about that strange P‘e’zza place? I’ve never had ice pizza before.”
“You’ve never had any kind of pizza before,” Kris said, their voice filled with confusion and disgust. So, now their words came out. Of course. They continued to mutter, “You’re first pizza isn’t gonna be a goddamn Ice P‘e’zza. Not while I’m still breathing.”
Ralsei flashed a small smile as he put his paws up in defence. Soft chuckles falling from his lips.
“It’s just…” He barely said before his sentence trailed off. Gaze turning to the sleeping world outside of his window. Kris reached over to take his paw and intertwined their fingers. Urging him to continue. “I don’t want to cause a fuss, Kris. I don’t want to… Your mother’s going to be so upset if she finds out. She’s going to punish you for an eternity. She’s going to—”
“Be ecstatic.” They said, drawing intricate circles into his fur. “I’m with ‘friends’, remember? She won’t mind.”
“That excuse isn’t going to work forever.”
Kris’ hand lingered with his as their head settled forwards. Staring off into the foggy woods. Easily drifting into deep thought.
Sure, it was a matter of when and not if their mother would ever figure out what was going on. No doubt. There was only so long she could believe whatever she wanted to believe. But, that day wasn’t today and thus that was a problem for future Kris, not them.
That kid’s fucked.
Themselves on the other hand? Present Kris? They had something spectacular to show their lonely prince. No strict rules or possible eternal damnation was going to stop them.
“Don’t worry, Rals.” They drawled as they took their prince’s fluffy face into their hands. “Future Kris’ got it handled.”
Now it was Ralsei’s turn to do the head tilting. His words coming out as jumbled as the thoughts in his head.
“Future Kri—What do you—? Futur—? Are you—?” He almost finished a single thought before Kris ducked under his hat and gently kissed his cheek.
They pulled back, flashed him a quick finger-gun-smirk combo, and put the truck into reverse. Letting out a chuckle as his love pulled up his scarf and down his hat. Hopelessly trying to cover his blush.
His steady was weird. A good kind of weird, though.
One that urged them to word for word recite the passage ‘Alas, Poor Yorick’ for no reason. The kind that allowed them to remember the rules to a satanic ritual but not the order of operations. A special kind of weird that caused them to resign to shackle themselves to a dungeon wall and eat floor moss.
They were all things he loved about them but, they were weird nonetheless.
Don’t get him wrong, he’s eternally grateful for Kris falling that day. He thanks the pillar of darkness every day. But, it’s just that any kind of kisses from them was so overwhelming. The simple act causing his cheeks to match his scarf’s hue. Though, he never complained because they also always calmed him like magic.
Why was being in love was so complicated?
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Luckily, it was less complicated than driving. Of which the basic mechanics were entirely lost to him.
The truck jostled along the dirt road. Its headlights the illuminating the surrounding foggy woods as they went.
Kris’ knuckles had turned white a few miles back. Changing shades as they had turned off of paved streets and onto rougher terrain. Through their shaggy bangs, lidded eyes had never once deviated from the road. Perhaps they were being too cautious. Too wary. But, how could they not be? They were carrying the most precious cargo.
At just the thought of him, their eyes flicked to Ralsei curled up on his seat. Gaze settled outside his window. Intently watching the world rush by. Yawning every so often.
A small smile graced their face. They leaned back in their seat and released some of the tension in their fingers. Settling into a focused-yet-more-relaxed driving mode.
The road ahead got tighter as it began to curve. Letting them ‘round the side of one of Appalachia’s many mountains. Engine rumbling as they went. Luckily, for them, the truck had made this trip several times. Though they hadn’t been in the driver’s seat.
Glimpses of the past revealed themselves as their destination grew closer. A dozing Asriel sitting beside them. Eyes and head drooping as he fought back the dastardly enemy that was sleep. Their parents in the front seats, both humming along to the turned down the radio.
That’s when they saw it.
A nice patch of the mountainside overlooked valleys below. Tall, wild grass with flowers sprouting up in patches. They pulled up. Easing the truck to a full stop a couple meters from the optimal gazing spot.
Their whole body relaxed, finally. Head lolling back onto the headrest. Letting out a breath and closing their eyes. Knowing they made the trip here safely.
“We’re here?” Ralsei asked, yawning as his bones cracked while he stretched.
They threw him a lazy thumbs-up and clicked their tongue. Catching his yawn before holding out a hand, “Specs, please.”
His head and eyebrows cocked at their request. The urge to ask at least several questions rising in him. But, knowing Kris, they wouldn’t answer any of them.
With a sigh, he let the world turn blurry as he handed his glasses away. Soon after, scarred digits took a hold of his scarf, pulling it loose. Guiding it from his neck to cover his eyes. Before the world went dark as they tied a tight knot at the back.
Now, sound and touch were all he had to go on. Kris’ soft hum once they were finished tying. The clicks of their seat belts unbuckling and the whirring of them gliding back into place. A thunk as their door of the truck swung open. Another as his side opened.
Their hands guiding him out of the vehicle and over to an unknown spot. The dewy grass under his paws and roundness of the air. And finally, the familiar weight of his glasses returning.
He blinked once and then twice before his jaw dropped.
A golden world awaited him.
The sky he had fawned over weeks prior seemed so much more expansive. Stretching from the ends of the earth, blanketing everything around them in a warm hue. Streaks of orange, red, and yellow danced along it. Like a painter’s brush strokes. All independent at times. Before blending together to make the wondrous painting in front of him. Light, fluffy clouds lazily drifted across the background.
And in the center of it all?
A thing, once upon a time, he’d never thought he’d get to see.
The Lightners’ brightest star.
No, it was his too now.
Their brightest star. Their most prized possession rose from the horizon. Slowly but surely making its way to its throne in the heavens. Lighting up their little corner of the world. Not that he could quite remember it wasn’t just him and the celestial body. No, as he gazed upon the sun and a wave of serenity washed over him, it felt like there was no one else left on Earth.
Wait, there was someone else with them.
Ralsei pulled his sight away from his new friend to his real-life company. His silent knight.
Kris sat close beside. Their form bathed in the rays as they sprawled out in the tall grass. Golden light illuminating their whole body. Creating a god-like glow around them. At last, they seemed to be at peace. Then, as their head lolled back, their long bangs fell to either side. Revealing the gems they kept hidden from the world.
An occurrence rarer than any blue moon.
Maroon irises admired the painting before them. They were filled with something he couldn’t quite place. Contentment? Amazement? Nostalgia? Whatever it was, when their eyes drifted from the sunrise over to him, it was still there.
Oh…
Perhaps it was love.
He still had to come to terms with that fact. That somebody alive and sentient loved him. Somebody as wonderful as Kris loved a wreck like him. A tiny ball of nerves and anxiety. Terrified of falling too fast and too hard. Being too needy. Too much much of a bother. Being too… everything. And not being what Kris needed.
But,
They never seemed to mind.
They always were an attentive listener to all his rambling but, always knew the right time to stop him. Lest he enters a perpetually downward spiral.
They were one hundred percent willing to become the hero that he needed. Not questioning ludicrous, reality breaking implications for anything he told them.
And when they were ready, Kris would talk for hours.
About stories from when they were younger.
Barely believable conspiracy theories.
Loosely connected thoughts stringed together profoundly.
They were just so perfect.
And this, the sneaking out in the early morning, the quiet drive, and the sunset. It was all just so…
Perfect.
Kris reached out and laced their fingers together again. Pulling him out of his thoughts. Right on time as always. They gazed at him with, his throat tightened, love-filled eyes. Their usual neutral expression replaced with upturned lips and those softened gems.
Oh, darkness, don’t cry.
Don’t cry, Ralsei.
Don’t cry.
Don’t—
Dammit.
“Kris,” He choked out as tears began to well. They threatened to fall and ruin this perfect moment. Kris’ perfect moment for him. No, he had to pull himself together. “This is, this is. It’s…”
Yep, stuttering is a surefire sign of someone who’s totally not on the verge of a breakdown. So embarrassing. SO EMBARRASSING!
“Rals,” They began softly. Eyes squinting as they searched for the right words. “It’s… okay. Tears of joy, right? It’s okay. You’re okay.”
Not helping. Not helping at all.
“Oh, damn it all.” He cursed as he mustered up all the courage he had. Within the second, he bounded over to his steady. His beloved hat falling to the wayside as he wrapped his arms around them. Burrowing his nose into their neck. Inhaling their piney scent as he blurted out, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!”
The two stayed like that for a while. Enjoying each other’s body heat and tight holds. But, all good things must come to an end. And this good thing ended once he pulled back. Quickly realizing their current position.
His arms rested linked on their shoulders as he sat in their lap. And with their hands settled on his hips, their bodies were close.
Super close.
Close enough for a… kiss?
Yes, Kris thought as their hand made its way up to his cheek. Close enough to stare into his galaxies for eyes. Close enough to breathe the same air. Close enough for his head to block out the morning sun. Creating a glowing halo around him.
Definitely close enough.
Also, definitely a perfect way to punctuate their date.
But, alas,
Mother Nature had another idea in mind.
“Was that a raindrop?” Ralsei blinked and shook the excess wetness off of his snout. He rose from their lap to scan the horizon. Brows furrowed as he adjusted his glasses, “But, there aren’t any clouds?”
Despite the obvious lack of cloud coverage, rain began to pour down on them.
Kris, reluctantly, got to their feet. Their fingers ran through their messy brown locks as they closed their eyes. At least they got their sunrise.
With a deep sigh, they called out to their love, “We… should get back. Sorry about this.”
“Why?” Their eyes shot open at his question. That’s when they saw him. Spinning around on the balls of his feet as his giggles resounded through the air. His arms swung and legs kicked as he jaunted around the field. “This is amazing! How weird is this! Raining while the sun’s still shining! I’ve never heard of this. What is this, Kris?”
Oh.
My.
God.
He wasn’t upset?
“Sun showers,” They answered like a ditz. Their mind still running wild. Trying to comprehend how he could be this happy about it raining on their perfect date. “They, uh, happen sometimes. You don’t want to go?”
“No! I love it!” Hat long forgotten, he ran up to them, eyes a glow. Hands outstretched until they intertwined with theirs. “Dance with me!”
It was less of a question and more of a demand, not that they minded though. With all his might, Ralsei swung them around the wild grass. Dancing something between the waltz and a folksy jig. Loudly humming out a familiar tune. Soon, their laughs joined his humming. Until both faded and only the gentle beats of the rain were left.
They were close once more.
Super close.
Now or never.
Kris straightened their back and cleared their throat before asking, “Do you, maybe, want to—”
“Yes.” He cut them off, a look of pure unadulterated love on his face.
And then, they did it.
They kissed.
It technically wasn't a perfect kiss. The rain continued to beat down. Their now soaked clothes uncomfortably clung to their bodies. His fur wasn’t as soft and fluffy as it usually was. It was more damp and kinda spiky. Their skin somehow felt sweaty and tight. But,
None of that mattered.
Nope. Not to them.
Somehow, like everything else about the two of them, it was perfect.
Perhaps, their imperfections were what’s perfect.
At least to them.
And in the end, isn’t that the only thing that matters?
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The End!!
I hope you've enjoyed reading this. If you did, any kind of comment would be appreciated! 
I've been working on it for a loooong time. Just glad it's all finished! Finally, I'm free!
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awed-frog · 6 years ago
Note
How did you almost get arrested for writing a paper?
Well, it’s a stupid story but - as some of you know, I wrote half my thesis on dicks (which was completely accidental, btw), and the thing is, academia is a rabbit hole because whatever you start doing, you have to keep doing? So, fast-forward three years and I’m suddenly discussing statues’ genitals with one of the leading experts in the entire world and the conversation goes on and on and we start wondering But wait - what’s going on with women?
Because male statues, as we know, have weird genitals - shrunken little things that have made generations of middle-schoolers laugh their heads off - and while we generally consider that’s because penis size was linked to virtue, morality and smarts (ie, the bigger it is, the more savage and less in control of yourself you are), there’s also a theory that these representations of adult men are deliberately sculpted as younger - in that area - because youth and teenagerhood was the most celebrated life period in ancient Greece.
So far, so good & most rational.
Thing is, though, no one’s really considered female genitals in sculpture except for poor John Ruskin, who’d apparently spent so long in the company of statues that when he discovered his new wife had hair - this was their wedding night - he shrieked in distress and couldn’t talk to her again for the next ninety years.
And while there’s the possibility pubic hair was painted on the statues afterwards (let’s remember Greek statues were a nightmare of garish & clashing colours), it’s true that the pudendal cleft is just never there, is it? And at this point, we started wondering if the cleft is actually visible on prepuberal girls, you know, because maybe this bizarro ‘Hey let’s sculpt adult people with undeveloped genitals, that will be totally fun and uncreepy!’ scenario was actually more widespread than normally assumed? And next some other student poked her head in and we realized what we were talking about, so there was a lot of er and uhm and I promised to research the issue and he said ‘Jolly good’ or something to that effect and off I went.
And I know it sounds far-fetched, but by that point, the reality of the task (ie, finding an image of a naked child I could use as comparison against a Greek statue) didn’t really register as weird? I was just excited because no one else had looked into it ever and I mean, of course there was nothing sexual about it at all? It was just a question of how human bodies develop and change over time and what dead artists from a dead culture might have chosen to represent and why. 
So that’s why I went straight to my university-owned room fully furnished with university-owned internet connection and happily typed ‘naked girl frontal’ or something like that in the Google. And of course I got an alert like, ‘THIS PAGE WAS BLOCKED AND YOU SHOULD GO DIE’ so that’s when I started to panic a little bit but hey, it was only 9pm and I was on the verge of a revolutionary breakthrough (obviously), so I cycled to the medical library and spent the next two hours going over encyclopedias with no luck whatsoever. 
(You just couldn’t find an illustration of a girl’s genitals anywhere, and maybe I should have been more grateful for that than I was at the time.)
Then the next morning I was called in for a ‘routine check’ at the IT office and had to submit my private laptop to be searched, also got asked what I was even doing at the medical library, which is how I discovered that Top Universities actively track their students without telling them, and in the end it was decided I was An Idiot Doing Dirty Research But Not Actually Dirty Myself and the matter was dropped. I did spend about two hours thinking I’d be arrested, though.
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(And I still don’t know if my theory had any merit at all.)  
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yeppeojiwrites · 6 years ago
Text
beauty and a beat (unofficial chapter)//bang chan
warnings: a little bit of swearing but like twice so don’t worry
pairings: bang chan x female reader (she’s a little bit of an oc)
word count: 2,499
yo!
so this isn’t an actual chapter of beauty and a beat but it serves as a kind of informational (??is that the right word??) chapter about the relationship between the reader and chan and why chan likes her. there will be more unofficial chapters like this in the future for different characters. 
(previous / next)
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plain text is english
bold text is korean
bold italicized text is korean with honorifics (noona, hyung, unnie, oppa, etc.)
--
Chan has had feelings for you from the first time he talked to you. 
In the first video call the two of you had back in May 2018, he found himself enamored of you. He found you so beautiful, with your then chin-length dark brown hair and your milk-chocolate skin and pretty eyes, and the way you talked and explained things...he knew that you would be not only a great musician to have helping his group with their next few albums but a great person for him to have a romantic relationship with. 
The romantic relationship thing fell flat when he found out that you were 17 years old turning 18 while he was 19 years old turning 20. That’s fine, he figured. We can be friends.
His impression of you only grew when he found out that you were basically fluent in Korean. “Why did you learn it?” he asked in genuine interest. 
“I got into K-Pop when I was 10 years old in 2011. My first song was ‘Hot Summer’ by F(X) and not too long after ‘Hot Summer’ was released, ‘Be Mine’ by Infinite came out and by then I was sold.” you started. 
“Ah, I remember when those songs came out! I was 13 years old and it was my first summer in South Korea after I became a trainee,” Chan reminisced. “But continue, sorry.” You smiled and waved off his apology. 
“Don’t worry about it. But as I was saying, in my tween obsession, I took it upon myself to try to learn Korean so I could understand what the artists were saying in their songs. So, I started by watching lyric videos on YouTube and writing down the Hangul and the English translations and then I watched dramas like, um, Boys Over Flowers and The Heirs. By 2015, I could understand and read Korean but my pronunciation was weird so I joined some language exchange apps where I met some really nice people, as well as some really weird older guys, but the really nice people and I exchanged information and we would video chat and after a while my grammar and my speech improved.” you said. “That was a lot, I’m sorry.” you apologized. This time he waved you off. 
“Don’t worry!” he laughed. “So how did you get into music?” he asked you.
“My parents have had me in piano lessons since I was 5 years old and vocal lessons since I was 7, but I stopped after I turned 14. My dad was very involved in music production. He used to write jingles for commercials and he helped make some demos for music made by smaller artists. I think my mom told me that he proposed to her with a song he wrote himself.” you laughed. 
“But when I was 14, my dad got into a really bad car accident and he was stuck in a coma and was basically brain dead, so we...you know. That was a tough time for me but music, especially K-Pop helped me through it. My dad had a small home studio set up in a room in my house and before he passed, my dad taught me how to use everything. So I would do little projects where I made songs that I wanted to hear. The first project that a company decided to use was called ‘Eclipse’ and it was something I made in October 2016 and posted on a website where producers share demos or instrumentals, and production companies can buy them to use in songs. I was contacted in January 2017 by a newer company called Blockberry Creative who wanted to know if they could use my song for their upcoming girl group and I agreed.” 
“Do you know what the song is now?” Chan asked. You nodded. 
“It was released in May 2017 for the debut of the Loona member Kim Lip. They decided to keep the title the same.” you tell him. “Have you heard it?” you asked him. He shook his head. 
“I’ll play it for you,” you said, pulling out your phone. 
“Wait, no.” he says. You look back at your laptop in confusion.
“What?” you asked. 
“Sing it.” he says. 
“It would be better if I played it,” you say shyly. A smile spreads across Chan’s face. 
“You can’t be shy now. We’ve already started the partnership and I’m going to need to hear your voice anyways, so why not start now?” he asks. You bite your lip in hesitation before sighing. 
“Fine, but only because of your dimples.” you agree which causes Chan to laugh. 
“My dimples?” he asks. 
“Yes, now do you want to hear me sing or not?” you ask him in a fake serious tone. 
“Go ahead,” he says. 
“I’ll sing the Korean version since I forgot the lyrics to the demo. Are you ready?” you ask him, a little nervous. 
“I can feel your nervous energy through the screen. It’s fine, don’t worry okay!” Chan reassures you. You sighed one last time before you began. 
“It begins eclipse
In the shaded shadows where you and I meet
It happened in the fate
The light which is lighted by mind of us
Come closer to me
This is eclipse
I can’t keep my eyes off, so will you be with me continually?
Unforgettable eclipse, it’s destiny.” 
Chan felt himself in even more awe. You were nervous for no reason. Your voice’s timbre was beautiful and your breath control and technique had to have been professionally learned.
“How would you feel about joining JYP Entertainment as a trainee?” Chan joked which caused you to laugh. 
“I’ll think about it,” you laughed. 
--
From that night in May, you and Chan created a great friendship. 
You’ve both seen each other at your worst; Chan seeing you at your worst first. Finals week sucks. 
Time differences were very hard. With Seoul being 14 hours ahead of Chicago, someone was always going to bed late while someone was waking up early. Each day that you had school, you would spend a couple hours doing homework before videochatting. Both of you were fatigued for a while but when school ended for summer break, you had much more time to work. 
“Hey Chan?” you asked one night while the two of you were working on “M.I.A”. 
“Hmm?” he hummed as he played a beat over and over again on the computer. 
“Have you heard of this rap group from SoundCloud called 3RACHA?” you asked him. He smiled a bit. 
“Yeah, why?”
“They’re pretty cool and they have really good songs.” you sighed. 
“Yeah, I think they’re really good too,” you said. 
“They haven’t made a song since like 2017 though,” you said before groaning. “They need to comeback so they can save the South Korean rap industry again!” you exclaimed. He laughed. 
“I’m sure they’ll come back soon.” 
“I wonder if they’re handsome,” you tell him, leaning back in your chair. 
“I think they are, especially CB97,” he said, moving a sound clip to a part of a song he was recording. 
“Oh, have you met them before?” you asked, leaning forward in your chair. 
“Yeah, we’re pretty close,” he said. 
“I’m gonna Google them to find a photo,” you declare. 
“Hm, alright,” he responds. 
“Th-ree-ra-chaaaa,” you mumble as you type in the search bar. “Oh, a ‘P.A.C.E’ lyric video!” you say excitedly. Suddenly, your eyebrows begin to furrow. 
“CB Ninety- Chan you motherfu-You’re the fakest person I know! You’re literally the fakest person on the planet!” you yell. 
“So are we hot?” he asks, a shit-eating grin on his face. 
“Choke,” you say flatly, to which Chan laughs. 
--
“Hey Chan, I got an email from this company called KQ Entertainment,” you told Chan one day via FaceTime in September. 
“Oh, Ateez’s company! Changbin knows one of the members.” Chan says. “What did they email you about?”
“They want me to come to South Korea to work as a producer for Ateez’s next few albums. KQ will pay for my living expenses and everything.” you tell him. Chan’s head snaps to face you on his phone screen. 
“Like...this South Korea? The one I’m in right now?” Chan asks dumbfounded. 
“Uh, yeah,” you tell him. 
“Have you talked to your mom about this?” Chan asks, trying to tone down his excitement in the event that you tell him that you can’t go. 
“She says that I can go and my sister thinks that it’s a great idea...” you trailed off. 
“Then why do you sound so sad?” Chan asked you. 
“I visit my dad’s grave every two weeks. I have money saved up from birthdays, Christmas, Easter, royalties, the money from JYP for helping you guys out with I Am Who and I Am You and other odd jobs that I’ve taken up over the years and I can afford to fly to Korea but...I don’t know. I know that some people think of this as a job of a lifetime...but I just...I don’t know, Chan.” you sigh. “What should I do?” you ask him. Chan felt his heart hurt at your facial expression. 
“I don’t know what I would do. If you want to come here, maybe take something of your father’s like a shirt or a photo of him,” Chan suggested. “Wouldn’t you be able to work from your house?” he asked. 
“KQ feels like it would be more efficient if I lived there so I could be easily accessible and so time zones wouldn’t be an issue.” 
“How badly do you want to go?” Chan asked you. You laughed slightly. 
“It’s been my dream since my demo for ‘Eclipse’ was first used,” you tell him. “I hadn’t thought about it prior to my demos being used.” 
“Follow your heart, (Y/N),” Chan tells you. “Do you hear me?” he asks you. You nod. 
“I have to go soon, we have to start filming the music video for the title track that YOU helped me work on in SOUTH KOREA,” Chan said. 
“Are you trying to influence me?” you laughed. 
“Maybe a little bit,” he said. “Bang Chan, we need your for filming!” you heard a voice off-screen. 
“I’ll be right there,” Chan said to the source of the voice. 
“I’ll let you go, Channie. Thanks for listening.” 
“Anytime, (Y/N),” he replies.
“Chan, one last thing!” you tell him. 
“What?” 
“You look really handsome with your curly brown hair.” you tell him. 
“What what-” “See you later, Channie!” you say before hanging up. 
He sighed, his cheeks reddening. Minho came up next to him. “Who were you talking to that has you so flustered?” he asked. 
“No one,” Chan replied, sliding his phone into his pocket. 
“Oh, it was (Y/N), wasn’t it?” Minho said, leaning closer to Chan. 
“No,” Chan said unconvincingly. 
“Yes, it was, you cradle robber!” Minho exclaimed. 
“Are we talking about Chan having the fattest crush on Lav?” Jisung comes over, taking a sip from a bottle of water. 
“No, we aren’t, and no, I don’t have a ‘fat crush’ on Lav,” Chan groans. 
“Oh he totally has a crush on Lav, he’s a cradle robber.” Woojin said, standing up next to the forming group around Chan.
“I’m not a cradle robber!” Chan exclaimed.
“That’s totally something a cradle robber would say,” Jisung whispers to Minho who nods in agreement. 
“I heard that,” Chan warned. 
“What did (Y/N) say?” Changbin asked, coming up from behind Chan. Chan shifted a little bit, knowing his younger member’s feelings towards you. 
“KQ Entertainment emailed her about coming to Korea and working on a few albums for their new boy group,” Chan said. 
“So she’s coming here?” Changbin asked, excitedly. Chan relished in knowing he had the ability to change Changbin’s mood with a single phrase. 
“She wants to but she isn’t sure if she can,” Chan says. Changbin’s happy mood changes into a dejected one. Jisung throws an arm around Changbin. 
“Here’s the other cradle robber,” Jisung teases, poking Changbin’s cheek. 
“I’m not a cradle robber,” Changbin exclaims, pushing Jisung off of him. 
“That’s something a cradle robber would say,” Minho whispers. 
“You guys are annoying, I’m going to go film,” Chan says, standing up from his chair. 
“Make sure your scene looks nice for Lav!” Minho yells. Chan ignores him. 
“Hey, Binnie, did your scene look good for Lav?” Woojin asks Changbin. 
“Chan’s right, you guys are annoying,” Changbin says as he walks away in the opposite direction as Chan. 
“I hope their rivalry doesn’t split us up,” Woojin says, crossing his arms as he looks between the two boys. 
“Me too,” Felix agrees. 
--
“Channie?” you say into your phone, your speech slurred from sleep. It was two in the morning after all.   
“Lav? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” Chan asked worried. 
“I’m gonna go to Korea,” you tell him, your pronunciation a bit off. 
“What?”
“I just had a dream that I went to Korea, and it was great and I feel like things would be just as great in Korea as they were in my dream. I’m gonna go to Korea.” you tell him. 
“What about your dad?” Chan asked you. You sighed. 
“I’ve gone four years without him. It’ll be tough, but I’ll be able to go four more years if I have you and the rest of the guys by my side.” you tell him. Chan smiled. 
“Why are you telling me this in Korean?” Chan laughed. 
“I wanted to see if I could speak Korean while half-awake and I feel like what I’m telling you is more meaningful when it’s said in Korean.” you slur. 
“Go to sleep, (Y/N). We can talk later.” he says. You hum in agreement. 
“Good night, Channie. I love you.” you tell him before hanging up. 
“Wait Lav-” the line beeped. 
“I love you too.” he whispered. 
“Cradle robber!” Jisung sang as he passed the doorway to Chan’s dorm room. 
“Shut up!” Chan yelled. 
--
Chan received a text from you on November 17, 2018, at 1 PM in Seoul, before a variety show appearance. 
1 new message from lav <3
lav <3: channie!!! look!!! it didn’t hurt that much!!
attached image
Chan clicked on the image and his eyes widened. You had gotten a small-ish tattoo of a stalk of lavender on your left forearm. 
chan: SDKLFSJLKFJ what did you do??????
lav <3: are you blind?? i got a birthday tattoo!!! i’ve been 18 years old since the 10th!!!
chan: (y/n) it looks really nice! it complements your skin tone!
lav <3: thanks!! it stings and i’ll have to put the tattoo solve on it for a while but it’s TOTALLY worth it. i’m getting another one next month!!
chan: where? 
lav <3: don’t worry about it, channie
chan: what do you mean???
lav <3: not like that!!! the odds of you being able to see it are VERY slim though
chan: ???? that doesn’t worry me any less but go ahead i suppose
--
author’s note: 
here’s something that describes the relationship between the reader and chan and a little bit between chan and changbin!! i have yet to start working on the third part of the actual fic BUT i’m going to start tomorrow. alright homies, its 10 pm and i have school tomorrow so i’m going to dip!! see you guys in the next one! 
ellie <3 
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