#time to read about the baddest bitch in the entire series

[pitviperofdoom]

Mattimeo is just full of ineffectual main villains, it's great. I've already done my rant on how stupid Ironbeak is but honestly? Nadaz?? Spends the entire final battle yelling at mooks before hiding in a statue and dying. Malkariss?? The text literally describes him as "gross" and he's stoned to death by angry slaves about ten seconds after he appears. Slagar?? The actual main villain of the book?? Yeah remember his hyped-up deadly skill with the bolas? He uses them one time in the entire novel, and it's to kill the most pathetic and combat-useless member of the villain squad for basically no reason. He climbs out of a well, spots the angry protagonists gunning for him, then turns to run and falls down the same well he just climbed out of.

This isn't a complaint, I just think it's hilarious that this book builds up these menacing villains only for them to do nothing at the end and then die. It almost makes Ironbeak look cool just by comparison, but then I remember that several of his soldiers told him hey boss you know how basically our only advantage against these people is the fact that we can fly and they can't? well they just took in a big raptor, yeah a big fuckoff bird of prey with talons and everything, they have one of those now

To which he responds with "No they don't, shut up" and then the big raptor kills him.

Absolute morons. I love this book.

[comicaurora]

book recommendations?

Gideon The Ninth and Harrow The Ninth!

Part 1 and 2 of the Locked Tomb series, with the third entry coming out later this month. Pitched fairly accurately as "lesbian necromancers in space" what I love most about it is the worldbuilding - the ten thousand years of history that turned our world into this world. It's an absolute treasure trove of buried lore and eldritch nightmare fuel obscured constantly by unreliable narrators and fluctuating narrative tone. The narrator of the first book is too bored and checked out to noticed 95% of the crazy foreshadowing she's faced with, and the narrator of the second book is, for spoiler reasons, an extremely unreliable witness of the events going on around her. I will say that the opaqueness of the actual events of the story can make these books better on a reread than on the first read, and if I hadn't gone into Harrow The Ninth with a hefty bank of spoilers I probably would've tapped out about halfway through, because the book spends about half its wordcount actively gaslighting the reader about the events of the first book. It's weird and I love it.

Iron Widow!

Described as "pacific rim meets the handmaid's tale." Giant robot combat plus hefty political drama set in a futuristic sci-fi setting based strongly on Chinese history and mythology, starring basically a reimagining of Wu Zetian, a serious contestant for the coveted History's Baddest Bitch Award. Features one of the only instances of "should I choose the bad boy or the sweet, safe best friend? orrrrrr maybe we can all just fuck each other" polycule love-triangle resolution. A portrayal of socially systemic misogyny so frustratingly on-point it actually set my teeth on edge and made it very easy for me to root for the heroine burning the world down for funsies and catharsis. Awaiting a sequel!

Elder Race

A relatively short read that's 100% worth it just for the fascinating language barrier portrayed between the two protagonists - the spunky princess of a sort-of-medieval fantasy kingdom setting out to slay a demon and prove herself to her mother, and the anthropologist from earth stationed on this planet to observe the cultural development of this human colony over the centuries. Each chapter is written from the perspective of one of these two characters, and at times we see events/conversations from each of their perspectives. The book is written in modern english, but this is explicitly a translation convention, as what the anthropologist says and what the princess hears are two very different things - something that frustrates him immensely. I want to see more stories written in this setting and it bums me out that I probably won't get any.

Thud!

Uh oh! How'd this Discworld novel get here? Looks like you'll have to read the other City Watch novels (Guards! Guards!, Men At Arms, Feet Of Clay, Jingo, The Fifth Elephant, Night Watch) to have sufficient context for this one! A fantasy police procedural (like all the other City Watch novels), this story centers on the eternal blood feud between dwarves and trolls and how it threatens to boil over in the cultural melting pot that is the great city of Ankh-Morpork, spurred along by the anniversary of a legendary battle between the two peoples that was left unresolved. Caught in the middle are the city watch, trying to keep the peace and solve several thefts and murders while wrangling two extremely insular communities that would rather be left to their own devices to murder each other in peace. There's also some absolutely incredible worldbuilding about dwarf culture and the unique texture the multifaceted concept of the dark takes on for a civilization that lives almost entirely underground. This is also explored in earlier City Watch books. Oopsies! I seem to have once again recommended six other books! Oh well!

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: Artemis Fowl

Since the early 2000s, Artemis Fowl has been languishing in development hell, and it really is a mystery as to why. The series has everything you could possibly want for a blockbuster young adult franchise: it’s a charming blend of science and fantasy with rich worldbuilding and mythology, it has enjoyable and even complex characters who go through great character arcs over the course of the series, it has an enjoyable major antagonist, an insufferable smug villain protagonist who goes through a stellar redemption arc over the course of the series, and tons of crazy heists that combine scheming and fairy magic. There was no reason this couldn’t have existed as a competitor to the Harry Potter series, but alas, it was not to be. The young adult fantasy franchise languished for decades in development hell, until finally Disney pulled it out and put Kenneth Branagh at the helm. Finally, we were going to get the Artemis Fowl adaptation we deserved!

Except we didn’t.

Artemis Fowl is legitimately one of the worst adaptations of any work of fiction ever. It has been held up alongside The Last Airbender and The Lightning Thief as part of the Unholy Trinity of terrible adaptations, and I’m not even going to try and pretend that this “Honor” isn’t well and truly earned. This film is an utterly abominable bastardization of the beloved franchise, to the point where this feels like an entirely different story that had familiar names slapped on it at the last second. If you want to know what horrific extents this film has butchered the story and characters, read onward, but there’s no way I’m going to pretend this film isn’t awful right off the bat.

There is literally nothing in this film that works. Nothing at all. Starting from the opening scene, the establishing shots, you can tell things are wrong – there are news people around Fowl Manor? Mulch is being interrogated? What is going on? The film from the word go is simply making one thing absolutely and abundantly clear: this is not the Artemis Fowl you know. The film goes out of its way to do the opposite of the franchise, merely using names and vague concepts in an attempt to sucker fans into watching it. Butler’s first name, an emotional reveal from the third book, is common knowledge; Opal Koboi, a cunning and threatening major villain who was the antagonist for almost every novel starting with the second, is here reduced to basically a personification of the voice on the phone from Scream; Root, once a short-tempered man who was hard on Holly as a method of tough love to push her to be the very best LEP had to offer to prove women belonged on the force, is here a woman who, while just as angry as ever, robs Holly of a major part of her arc and reduces her to plucky female sidekick. And even outside of that, as its own thing, the movie is just utterly incomprehensible. The story is rushed and confusing, with lots of exposition and action but with no context or cohesion. Things happen and things go from scene to scene, but none of it makes any sort of sense. A character will switch allegiances within a few minutes, characters will somehow find a way to survive deadly attacks offscreen… the worst offender is a character death they try to push off as emotional, despite there being no reason to care for this character, and when all hope seems lost, a deus ex machina saves the day! My wife, who is unfamiliar with the series, and I, a huge fan, both struggled to figure out what was going on at any given point; the movie is really that bad at communicating what is happening, which is even more baffling because the film is a pathetic hour and a half in length, a distressingly short amount of time to establish a new science-fantasy franchise of this scale.

The characters are almost all terrible. Artemis is the standout with how awful he is; no longer the cunning criminal masterminds of the book, Artemis here is more of a somewhat smug little brat who is overly emotional and, worst of all, NICE. He’s so nice in fact that by the end of the film he has managed to speedrun his character development and arcs with Mulch and Holly, who consider him their close friend and ally. Butler is pretty bad here as well, mostly because he is given almost nothing to do and is seemingly only there because he was in the book. In fact, his crowning moment – when he took on the troll – is instead given to Artemis and even Holly, with Butler ending up severely injured. It’s a bit nasty that they changed Butler to be black and then had his (white) master steal his greatest moment; it’s giving me flashbacks to Kazaam. Opal is hit pretty bad as well; being made the big bad of this loose adaptation of the first book’s plot – which is amusingly one of the few books she had absolutely no role in – wouldn’t be so rough if she was more of a presence and not just some vague, hooded figure who threatens Artemis over the phone and generally does nothing to warrant being an adaptation of the baddest bitch in the series. She’s rather ineffectual and they even try and give her a sort of sympathetic motivation, one where she resents humans for pushing her kind underground. It really is a disgusting waste of a character who could easily rival heavy hitters like Voldemort in the awesome and theatrically evil department.

Holly is almost okay, but her entire arc and a big chunk of her narrative purpose is robbed by making Commander Root a woman. Root, played by Judi Dench, is honestly one of the better characters since Dench has Root dropping lines like “Top o’ the morning to ya” with gravelly deadpan seriousness which makes the character unintentionally hilarious, but the cheap laughs don’t really make up for butchering the story of one of fiction’s finest ladies. As a side note, they have made Holly 100% white despite her skin being described as nut brown rather frequently in the book, and the now white Holly together with Artemis steal away Butler’s biggest moment. And that’s not even getting into how they neutered Juliet, who has also been race lifted but was turned into a child who barely appeared in the film. I’m not usually one to toss about racism accusations, but there’s a lot of red flags here that Branagh’s usual colorblind casting just doesn’t excuse.

The most consistently enjoyable performance is Josh Gad’s as Mulch. From the moment he was cast, I knew he’d do a good job and capture the spirit of the character, and he does! ...sort of. The decision to have Mulch be a giant dwarf and narrate the story in a crappy Batman impression while also violating literally the most important law of fairy culture (don’t tell the humans anything about us) by spilling the beans to M16 is unbearably stupid, and a lot of his jokes are just relentlessly unfunny. But I think that Gad does leak a bit of that Mulch charm at a few points, and it’s apparent he at least somewhat gets his character, which is not something that can be said for anyone else in this film. Sadly, much like his standout performance as Lefou in the live action Beauty and the Beast, he can’t possibly save the trainwreck of a film he’s in.

I guess I’m not entirely surprised by this film. I mean, a lot of quality young adult literature from the past two decades has been horrifically mangled in the wake of Harry Potter – Inkheart, The Golden Compass, The Lightning Thief, Ender’s Game, and Eragon – so this movie really isn’t an anomaly. But it is the culmination of a horrible trend. This is the zenith of horrible young adult adaptations, or perhaps I should say the nadir of adaptations as a whole? For all the flak I could give those other adaptations, on some fundamental level they still understood something about the source material. Ender’s Game still understood it could not erase the ending where children are revealed to be being conscripted to perform the ethnic cleansing of an alien race. Eragon couldn’t completely ruin Saphira, try as it might. The Lightning Thief… well, I mean, I guess the Medusa scene was mostly faithful. But Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl goes out of its way to be the opposite of its literary counterpart that there is no way to justify even saying it is based on the book by Eoin Colfer; it would be like having a movie about kids hanging out at the mall and doing mundane stuff, except they’re all named Jesus and Peter and Paul and then saying it’s based on the Bible. Just using names doesn’t mean anything, you actually have to use the themes and characterizations too, and this movie does none of that.

This movie is most comparable to The Emoji Movie. Neither of these works really deserve to be called a “Film” since they are basically whatever it is they’re trying so desperately to be stripped down to the bare essentials. The Emoji Movie is the most basic, by-the-numbers animated adventure film with a “be yourself” message you could ever hope to see, with a story so absolutely basic that just watching the trailer will allow you to predict the every motion of the plot. Artemis Fowl on the other hand is the most cliche-ridden fantasy epic franchise-starter you could imagine, and that’s if you’re able to penetrate the ridiculously dense and cluttered story and are able to make sense of what’s going on. I can think of absolutely no one this film could ever appeal to. There’s not a single redeeming thing about it. The movie is flashy, trashy junk that should never have been released, and Disney honestly did the right thing by releasing this on their streaming service because it would be outright disgusting to charge movie ticket prices for this tripe. The fact Disney has more faith in the eternally-delayed New Mutants theatrically speaks volumes about the quality of this film.

I can’t in good conscious say that this is the worst film of all time. F4ntastic is probably a much worse butchering of characters than this film; Disaster Movie is much more horrendously offensive and unfunny than this; hell, Chicken Little is probably a worse Disney movie because as awful as everyone in this film is, at least they aren’t Buck Cluck! But I don’t think there’s a single movie I hate more than this one. Lucy can finally move over and sleep easy knowing that the fact it’s not based on a pre-existing work has finally saved it from the #1 spot on my worst list; Artemis Fowl is now the reigning champ. Kenneth Branagh should be ashamed of himself for making and releasing this (and doubly ashamed for having the gall to unironically compare his slaughtering of Artemis Fowl’s character to Michael Corleone), Disney should be shamed for putting more money into this film than they did into BLM charities, and I hope that Eoin Colfer finds whatever he was paid worth it to see his greatest creation butchered and disrespected like this.

[austennerdita2533]

ooh can you do those same top three questions but for suits and tvd :)

Sure can, nonnie! xx

*Just as a general disclaimer for anyone else who happens to read this: my ship preferences are what they are. I’m simply stating my opinion/preference and am in no way encouraging hate or fights. Discussion is always welcome, of course, but happy vibes here only!

*2020 sucks enough as it is without bringing ship drama into it, you know?

TVD

Top 3 seasons:

-1, 2, and 3 without an ounce of hesitation. This was when the show was at its peak in storytelling, characterization, ship development, magic/mythology etc.

Top 3 romantic ships:

-Klaroline. One of my highest echelon ships for reasons I do not need to enumerate; however, I will say what I love about them most is they challenge as well as complement each other in beautifully rich, convoluted ways. Their back and forth is ridiculously entertaining, too!

-Kalijah. They have spice, and angst, and forbidden love, and 500+ years of cat-and-mouse chasing and I will be over here bitter about them for eternity! 

-Forwood. *excuse me while I cry over “until we find a way” for a few hours* These two went through so much to be together! Their progressive arc in s2-s3 is still one of my favorites.

*I’m Swiss neutral when it comes to Stelena and Delena, I vacillate between both ships at different times so they’re not included in my top 3. I’m an anomalous TVD shipper, a true outlier, what can I say?

Top 3 platonic ships:

-Klelijah. Klaus and Elijah have an incredibly dense, fraught brotherly dynamic. Something about their ancient ties and 1,000-year bond is gripping. There’s so much spoken and unspoken subtext between them. So many unresolved “somethings.” Plus, it’s no secret that I adore the Originals and all they add to the TVD-verse.

-Klebekah. Klaus and Rebekah sparkle, they sizzle, any time they’re on-screen together. Just the sheer depth of feeling and betrayal and angst they emanate is so entertaining to watch. Don’t get me started on the whole “I loved you more than anyone and you didn’t even care” scene because I get emotional.

-Defan. Stefan and Damon are another complex sibling relationship on the show. Throw into the mix that they find themselves in love with same woman, not once, but twice, and whew! I love the flashbacks we get of them throughout history as well.

*Gotta give shoutouts to my other favorite, though moderately less well-developed, brotps here: Carenzo, Katholine, Rebekoline, and Baroline. *chef’s kiss*

Top 3 characters:

-Caroline Forbes

-Klaus Mikaelson

-Katherine Pierce

Top 3 plotlines you’d change/erase if you could:

-THE BABY PLOTS ! ! ! BOTH OF THEM!!!!!!!!! (I’m talking Klaus/Haley and their tribrid baby and Caroline’s surrogacy/pregnancy with the Gemini twins.) I apologize for my overemphasized caps + exclamation points here, but I loathe these storylines with every fiber of my being. I can’t help it. More often than not, I like to pretend they don’t exist lololol.

-How they handled the beginning of Stefan and Caroline’s romantic relationship was...icky. Like, while Liz was dying? Really? Then she turns off her humanity because he “rejects” her. Again, REALLY? I have major issues with the overall portrayal of them as a couple - particularly with the relationship imbalances as well as the insecurities they heightened instead of tamped out in each other - but the inception of it all is what kills me. Especially because I am a huge proponent of friends-to-lovers ships...and the writers really dropped the ball with them, imo. I’m a multishipper at heart so the disappointment I harbor is PALATABLE. 

-The Cure storyline and the Travelers storyline. Didn’t like either of them. They have equal “could’ve been loads better” billing.

Top 3 episodes you’d take to a deserted island:

-3x14, Dangerous Liaisons. LISTEN. This is my favorite episode of the entire series. There’s a ball, there’s blood-tinged champagne, there’s duplicity and romance and drama. All the Mikaelsons are under the same roof, for crying out loud! It’s gold!

-2x07, Masquerade. This one because of my girl, Katherine Pierce, the biggest, baddest bitch of all. She’s a saucy little minx the entire masquerade only to end up locked in the tomb. I just...love it.

-The Klaroliner in me is screaming 4x23, Graduation because being on a deserted island without having access to Klaus’s iconic “however long it takes” declaration would be insupportable. However, a case could be made for either 3x20, Do Not Go Gentle because I am trash for the decade dances, and that one’s my favorite, OR 3x22, The Departed because that is one hell of a season finale!

Suits

Top 3 seasons:

-Season 2. Mike’s secret out of the bag? Them all working together to fight against the merger? Donna shredding evidence to protect Harvey? Daniel fucking Hardman? *thumbs up*

-Season 5. FIREWORKS. Donna’s working for Louis, Harvey’s in therapy, Mike gets arrested/goes on trial, Zane family drama. Exquisite stuff

-Season 3 or Season 1. Don’t make me choose between them, please. 🙏🏻

Top 3 romantic ships:

-Darvey. I mean, OBVIOUSLY. These two idiots had me from the pilot. I knew the moment Donna said “I also took care of that. we’ve been married for the last 7 years” that I was on the precipice of falling into another long, beautiful, up-to-their-chins-in-pining, slow sloooooow burn ships. Granted, I didn’t think it’d take 8 seasons for them to get together lololol but I don’t regret a damn thing!

-Mike and Rachel. They’re adorable together, they truly love each other. Also, can we talk about how they’re a steady couple for most-ish of the show?  They have drama, sure, but they work through most of it together. As a unit. THAT’S A BIG DEAL. It’s like going through the canon drive thru and actually getting (most) of what you ordered.

-Louis and Sheila. This is a couple who makes me laugh uproariously AND feel all the emotions. I mean, will I ever forget Louis dropping to one knee in the hospital with his ass cheeks hanging out? NO. Will I ever get over Shelia’s pregnant feet being too fat to fit into her Cinderella glass slippers? NOT ON YOUR LIFE. Will I blubber like an emo sap whenever they finally reconcile/get their happy ending? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.

Top 3 platonic ships:

-Mike and Harvey. They have a connection from the beginning but I love seeing how much they rub off on one another, how much deeper their bond grows over the course of the show. Their movie references are always a delight, too. *cries: it’s so beautiful*

-Donna and Louis. Their relationship is so important to me. Like?!?!?!? They have so many fantastic one-on-one moments together - some that make your sides ache with laughter, others that prick your eyes with emotion and tears. Even though it kills me when Donna leaves Harvey to work for Louis, I can’t help but love it too because he fanboys all over her. GIVE DONNA ALL THE LOVE AND APPRECIATION SHE DESERVES. 

-Harvey and Louis because they have a formative and/or impactful dynamic. They mostly respect each other but there’s a lot of animosity between them. Makes for such good TV!

Top 3 characters:

-Donna Paulsen aka Fashion Goddess of NYC (can I have all of her outfits? for real) and the Reigning Queen of Sass (who also happens to be the reigning queen of my heart as well). The entire firm would have fallen into collapse without her, FULL STOP.

-Harvey Specter. I have a penchant for stoic, inscrutable, emotionally constipated, on-the-borderline-of-asshole characters and boy did I hit the jackpot with this one! 

-This one was hard, but I’m going to go with Louis Litt because his character evolution is amazing! He’s so unlikable at times, what with his competitive streak and anger/jealousy issues, but then there’s this whole other side to him that’s sensitive and vulnerable and sweet. You can’t help but root for him, you know? (Even when you want to punch him right in the nose lol.)

Top 3 plotlines you’d change/erase if you could:

-Harvey giving Paula the credit for why he reconciled with his mother, when it was actually because of Donna. They retcon/fix this in the narrative in s9 but it still bugs me in the moment. I can’t let it go. So sue me.

-Pearson Hardman’s “Harvard Only” hiring law. Not only is it ridiculous and discriminatory but no way in hell would you even be able to implement such a thing in today’s world. Nor should you be able to do so. Diversity is important!

-I wasn’t crazy about the Mike prison storyline but, at the same time, he had to serve out penance for the whole fraud business??? So yeah.

Top 3 episodes you’d take to a deserted island:

-2x07, Sucker Punch. THE MOCK TRIAL, AHHHHHHH. Louis grills Donna about Harvey within an inch of her life. I can hear his inflection during his stream of “do you love Harvey Specter, do you love Harvey Specter” in my head. It is so effing tense in that conference room, I DIE. 

3x06, The Other Time. I am all about this flashback episode, okay? It opens Pandora’s box on all things past!Darvey and also shows us how Mike gets thrown out of school.

-8x16, Harvey. If you think I’d willingly retreat to a deserted island without having access to that Darvey love epiphany/love actualization scene then you are kidding yourself! I still blast “Love is Mystical” on full volume just to daydream about that swooping-through-the-apartment-door smooch sometimes. *fans self*

[eternalstrigoii]

4-6 for the writing ask!!

Thank you, my love! Happy birthday Thursday, also. <3

  4. Which writer do you admire the most and why? Oh, god. That’s a terrible question to ask me. Partly because if I answer honestly, I don’t know. That’s horrible of me, but it’s not clear cut for me anymore. I have a favorite author, and I have a favorite book, but if I want to be totally, 110% completely honest with myself, I admire and would like to be most like Holly Black, because she is The Baddest Bitch That Has Ever Been Bad. She really hit me with that Coldtown plot twist (you know the one if you’ve read it), Sir Hazel, and the entire Folk of the Air series after fuckin’ up my childhood with Spiderwick. I would say it was a small miracle I didn’t end up a faerie nerd instead of a vampire nerd, but we can tell that this is a fluid line that engages regularly in lateral movement. This woman is so cunning, her grasp of language is so precise, that sometimes I don’t see shit coming until the character themselves has figured it out (and you know I love to sit there and dissect). That woman gave me a massacre that slaughtered 3/4ths of the cast and I still thanked her.

5. How do you get over a bad writing day? I don’t. I am, as Auntie Jill puts it, Not An Emotional Role Model. Only now, after the fact, can I admit that I’ve spent the last four years horribly depressed. I’ve never been depressed without also having my anxiety before, but tl;dr the depression happened because I went on anxiety meds and they were much too strong (which is why you need to talk with your doctors about your meds and your feelings whether you want to or not). It took until this past December to start feeling better and I didn’t really start feeling like myself until March. The entire span of time, I was kicking myself for not constantly churning out work the way I had Up Until. I went about ten years without missing a day of writing, only to come to a screeching halt. I really can’t even pretend that I’m not setting wildly unattainable goals for myself right now like it’s a form of retribution for having been gone so long. (I have shattered my personal best record three times in the last five days, and yet...the other two feel as though I’ve failed when I didn’t manage to? I think I’d written ~6k all of thrice before this last week; I did 7.5 the day after I watched M:MoE, 6.5 the day after (wait, how many days have I been writing for this fandom?). Yesterday, I did 8. 8k! I’ve been getting 4, 5 hours of sleep, busting my ulcer on all-day caffeine benders, never moving from my chair to go eat, and having to forcibly drag my ass off to bed so I can come do this again the next morning. My eyes are starting to get fucked up again. And that sounds severely unhealthy, but I can’t consider it a bad thing. This is the best I’ve felt in ages. I finally have muse, I’m finally creating, and I love what I do. I’m just gonna need to ask my eye doctor in September if she thinks I’d ever be able to work up to LASIK or if I’m stuck with Wonky Degenerate Eyes for the rest of eternity.

6. Do you prefer to write heroes or villains? Neither. Okay, both. But not like most people think.

Okay, so you’ve seen what a Massive Slut I immediately became for Borra, right? That’s.....kind of the story of my life. In creation and consumption. I have always gravitated to the morally-grey characters; Wolverine was my first Character Fixation TM. (When you’re a kid and everyone is Good or Evil, having a character who’s on the side of the good guys but ALSO doesn’t 100% have a problem with killing people is Seriously Fucking Badass.) Dracula was #2. By the time I hit supernatural media, there were so many depictions of vampires and werewolves and explorations of character (most of those without an excessive amount of depth) that it was wildly unavoidable. (Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is not Why I’m Like That, but it’s something that I can point to in acknowledgement that somebody else gets it. And, now, M:MoE.) One of the first “rules” I established for myself when working on original fiction was that I wanted to work with Traditional Vampires TM -- none of this oh woe is me I am immortal! I am cursed, I am damned, I am a horrible, atrocious, abominable being! I should not live! I cannot love -- lest I be loved by someone far more naive and fragile than me! (I think I just went on a rant in the last ask about why I hate that kind of pairing, didn’t I?) I can’t deal with morally black and white characters. They’re just not interesting. Edward Cullen got a fan base for choosing Jesus over fucking his girlfriend as a depressed seventeen year old boy and I’ve never forgiven him for it. A good vampire -- and a good character -- is someone who can reach that point of villainy, who can kiss it, coddle it, flirt with it, take it to bed, and still leave you with doubts that they are villainous. Does that leave you with an open door to make them possibly-insidious? Absolutely. It also leaves you with an open door to explore Really Big and Really Deep Shit like inherent humanity and power structures and systematic oppression, colonization, and genocide without being heavy-handed. (Everyone loves a freedom fighter, as I’ve been so apt recently to point out.)

[endysgirl]

Galaxia: the baddest bitch in the galaxy (pt 1 of 3)

Galaxia is easily the baddest bitch of the entire series, and I love her. I’m about to dish out a lot of info, so if you’ve never read the manga, get ready. Shit’s intense.

First, lemme address the anime and emphasize that I do love the anime and I enjoy it for what it is. However, I think the manga story is better and imma show you why. Also, just bc I think the manga is better doesn’t mean I don’t like or enjoy the anime. In the anime, Galaxia has been fighting in the Sailor Wars against Chaos for an unknown period of time. She is the strongest Senshi in the Galaxy and she decides the only way to stop chaos is to seal it inside her body. Let me specify here that the reason Galaxia became angry and bitter (according to the anime) is bc when she sealed Chaos inside herself, she sent her starseed away to search for the “Light of Hope” who could help her. That starseed takes the form of Chibi Chibi and finds Usagi. Without that starseed, Chaos could overtake her. This is not so in the manga. Unlike every other villain - Diamond, Tomoe, Nehelenia- Galaxia in the manga is never controlled by Chaos or used as a puppet. She is aware of exactly what Chaos is. While I am hyper-critical of how the anime treats final battles and villains, Stars works for me bc they changed so much. They completely changed the intent and the power of Galaxia and Moon. I’ll cover that more in the manga discussion below.

In the manga, Galaxia is the most powerful Sailor Senshi in the galaxy and the only rival to Eternal Sailor Moon. She is the Senshi of destruction bc her starseed is the ultimate force of destruction, the Sapphire Crystal. It is known as the Crystal of Destruction and is second only to the Silver Crystal. It surpasses the Silver Crystal in terms of destructive power bc the Silver Crystal’s main power is one of restoration and healing (hence all the second chances Moon is able to execute time and time again). It is the ultimate force of destruction and supplies Galaxia with vast destructive abilities and enough power to easily battle Sailor Moon. It can destroy entire planets and stars. We don’t see this in the anime. Instead the anime makes Chibi Chibi her starseed that she sent away to find a new host. I have a lot of problems with the storytelling bc of this, but the anime changed the ultimate meaning and the ultimate battle for Stars (Chibi Chibi is also hella important as she is Sailor Cosmos in disguise, who is the ultimate form of Moon). The Anime stands well on its own BUT I think the depth the manga offers is far superior and the sheer power we get to see from Eternal Moon establishes her as a Creation Goddess (and my Joseph-Campbell-loving heart is kicking into overdrive bc of this). The anime keeps Moon pretty ordinary which I feel is erasing her power. It’s still good on its own, but I can’t help but compare them and find it ultimately lacking while enjoyable. Now, for the next post, some background on Galaxia.

[lanx-reads]

Heaven Review

Final Rating: */***** or 1/10

The angel Bethany and her mortal love, Xavier, have already pushed the boundaries of Heaven with their relationship. In this conclusion to the Halo trilogy, the two take their love to the next, forbidden, step: They marry.

At a time when they believe nothing will come between them again, they are faced with their most daunting challenge yet: the Sevens, a military order of angels designed to maintain balance in the universe. These soldiers won't stop until their job is done - capture the wayward angel and send her home.

Secrets, exile, and unexpected allies flavor the rest of this intense love story and adventure.

Beth discovers there is only one way back to earth, but the cost is higher than she - and readers - ever imagined. If she can survive, she can prove to Heaven and Earth that there is nothing stronger than the power of love.

Heaven by Alexandra Adornetto is the Spider-Man 3 of all books and that is probably the highest praise I can give it considering I did enjoy Spider-Man 3. 

I can’t believe I finally finished this fucking trilogy and HOLY SHIT this book was. A ride. A wild wild ride. I cannot put into words how utterly stupid, bad, and unintentionally hilarious and entertaining this book is. Drama after drama unfolds, none of it really sticks or is really connected to... anything. There’s actually quite a bit of action, but since the main characters are so hateable and nothing connects to anything it feels almost like some sort of terrible action movie. But I understand... books are hard to write and how do you write a good conclusion for a terrible series? 

Well, you don’t.  

Now, is this book more hilarious and entertaining than Hades? In some ways... yes. Yes it is. However, unlike Hades, which was just hilarious throughout for the most part, this book does have some incredibly boring and just painfully stupid parts that remind me of the entirety of the first book. 

Heaven goes out of its way to cram even more religion down your throat. It tries to be even more offensive than the previous books combined. The author tries so so so hard to make these bland characters get on soapboxes as much as she can so they can spew utter nonsense about everything in general. This book is homophobic:

“Marriage is an indissoluble covenant between man and woman” -Gabriel 

(Yes the above is a direct quote)

It’s also transphobic: 

“Billie?” “No way, she’ll be gender confused.” 

(They’re discussing baby names. So I guess if you’re a (cis) girl and named... Billie or Riley you’re gender confused according to this author. As if that’s how it works at all) 

Aaaaand like the last book, the only PoC character is a black angel who’s the main villain. He’s also the only actual attractive character in this mess as well. I guess it’s good she... finally gave her meager PoC character an actual ethnicity? Hemiel is described as being black while Asia, from the last book, is just dark-skinned and ambiguously PoC. Of course, this is a double-whammy here... only Hemiel’s race is described throughout the entire book. And he’s the leader of the group of antagonists. Of course.  Instead of just writing in PoC as people or just not touching the matter and allowing people to imagine the characters however they wished, all the PoC characters in this series (which amounts to two...) are honed in on and specified having a darker skin tone.

I also feel as if this book is offensive to like... every normal Christian out there? Like the Christianity in this book is Evangelical and just. Makes it sound like the whole religion is full of lunatics.

Like I can’t find any way this book isn’t offensive. It’s offensive to Christians and people of other faith. It’s offensive to LGBT+ people. It’s offensive toward PoC. It’s offensive toward domestic abuse survivors. It’s offensive to neurodivergent people. It’s offensive toward Southerners who think people down here are... like that. It’s offensive to both women and men as well. Like, this book holds no punches in it’s freezing cold takes and wrongness. 

However, despite all of the above, I could not be bothered to be offended at all during this book. Now, I am an utter goblin and fall under many of the categories above, and I can understand why someone may get offended by this book. But I myself did not get offended. For one, it’s obvious the author is trying to be as “edgy” as she can be with the above. Why else would she go out of her way to preach every few pages, after all? 

And it really does feel like she, the author, is preaching her beliefs to us during these moments. The shallow “story” grinds to a halt almost every time the characters get on their soapbox for anywhere between a few paragraphs to a few pages. 

Rather than give an actual review about the entire book... I’m just gonna. Explain the plot. Because honestly everything I said about the last two books carried over. Actually, arguably, even though this book had more action than Hades, it is a technically worse book. I found several spelling and grammar mistakes, the pacing was atrocious... although better than the first book, none of the events were connected in any way and had no significance on one another. They didn’t really build up to any conclusion, relevant character development, or form any sort of detailed plot. 

However, that being said, this book does have a plot. A thin one that makes little sense and goes everywhere and one where the subplots aren’t even tied up at the end, but one nonetheless. 

Spoilers abound if anyone actually cares!!

In Heaven, Beth and Xavier decide to get marry. Even tho Beth recognizes signs around town that means hey this might not be a good idea she ignores these signs since she’s an incredibly selfish dunce. The priest who marries them is murdered for committing the sin of marrying an angel and a human together (?) and now Beth and Xavier are on the run from a group of angels known as “The Seven” who act as police. Due to God being Too Busy with Godly Things, The Seven go completely out of wack and become utterly obsessed with returning order... which means breaking their marriage I guess. 

Of course, the above sounds stupid and makes little sense. There is no real reason on WHY angels and humans can’t marry. Like the previous books, there wasn’t any real reason why they couldn’t date either. It’s unexplained. Furthermore, that murdered priest? Yeah, Beth says it’s not her or Xavier’s fault since “they didn’t know they would be punished” yet... time and time again they were told that even dating was forbidden and barely tolerated AND on top of that she was warned with numerous signs that marrying may be a bad idea... so no she’s an idiot and it IS her fault. And honestly? Reading about an angel coming to terms with being the cause of death for someone innocent would have been interesting... but that would require Beth taking responsibility for her actions and stop being a selfish and whiny bitch... which is impossible. 

After that her and Xavier go on “the run” which isn’t even on the run. They hang out in a cabin for a couple of chapters and whine about how they can’t fuck and how bored they are even tho, you know, it’s their own faults for getting into this mess at all. So much weight is put on marriage and I just... don’t get it. I am someone who doesn’t really want to marry anyone and if I did, it would only be for the benefits. I really don’t care about marriage at all, personally, so I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal here. I get it’s part of the religion... but still. Now, if the concept of marriage was explored in any significant way, that would’ve been interesting to read. But it’s not, so let’s move on. 

After being caught by the Seven after doing Stupid Shit, they go to college because...? Sevens rely on their smell and with so many humans around it will mask it? Yeah, lame and contrived excuse to force the characters to go to college. 

The college section of this book is one of the most boring and pointless. It consists of Beth hating on other girls, girls only talking about sororities and boys, and feels like a scene taken from a cheesy movie. It’s completely and utterly unrealistic and cringy; completely painful to read. Here, Beth and Xavier pretend to be siblings... which is disgusting considering this is where they decide to fuck in the woods (which is written SO BADLY I can’t even. Like... for real bitch starts waxing poetic about how she feels she’s in an underwater magical world while getting dirt and grass up her ass I don’t get it) anyways they pretend to be siblings while alone they are husband and wife and it’s so... gross... like you KNOW it’s not incest since they aren’t ACTUALLY related but STILL it makes me feel dirty to read. (And also makes me question if the author has an incest kink bc I mean really....)

Anyways, ofc they’re eventually caught by Beth’s roommate? Who fell in love w Xavier bc the need for drama demanded it and ofc she is disgusted. To hide themselves, Beth grows s k i n over her mouth and then f o r c e f u l l y wipes her memories... and again, claims she is still moral and good doing so since her “hand was forced” 

Now, is this an interesting moral dilemma that could be explored? Of course it is! And because it is, it’s not explored at all, the book assumes Beth is in the right and the reader agrees, and moves on like nothing bad happened. No lasting consequences happen due to this. 

Speaking of... Beth’s character is so radically changed she feels OOC. It’s like the author wanted to have character development but not do any of the actual work at all. She acts like the baddest bitch around and complains that she’s world weary from “all the trauma she’s been through” but it comes out of nowhere? Like she’s still whiny and selfish and annoying. She still acts like a little girl and that the whole world owes her. She ain’t a badass and I dunno why the book is trying to convince us she is. 

Anyways, after THAT fiasco MORE drama hits the fan as the Sevens find them due to them Being Stupid and also Fucking In The Woods and stage what is basically a poor and tasteless terrorist attack in the lecture hall. Now, I do wanna note Heaven is a book that is several years old now... and the author is Australian, but that’s no excuse for the piss-poor mismanagement of a terrorist attack shown in a college campus. 

Now, that being said, this terrorist attack is by the Sevens, who manipulated memories to make it seem like this is what it was... I think... it is very unclear. Someone even dies during this... actually two people... heh

Either way, Hemiel is introduced, he’s shown to be a Horrible Angel with No Empathy and the students ofc freak out and hide under their desks while the room is trashed as they try and root out Xavier and Beth. Hemiel is trying to separate them by either dragging Beth back to Heaven or killing Xavier... and they do manage to succeed this time around!

YES, XAVIER DIES

Well, kinda. I was SO SHOOK when this happened I got EXCITED like could you imagine if Xavier died and the rest of the book is Beth hunting his soul down in Heaven while also looking at her own relationships and exploring the concept of death for a universe that has shown us death is not the end? Yeah, that doesn’t happen ofc but it would’ve been cool. 

Anyways, Xavier sadly doesn’t stay dead. Beth’s sister, Ivy, brings him back even THO SHE SAYS SHE CAN’T she does so anyways because ??? plot armor. But it was fun reading about him being dead. That being said, more problematic stuff pops out here, ofc. Beth threatens to kill herself if she can’t be with Xavier which is just.. not even gonna touch that with a 10-foot pole, honestly. Because yikes. 

Anyways, after pages of the author deciding to take the pussy way out, Xavier comes back except he’s not alone in his body.... because you see...

dun dun DUN Lucifer is back! And he has possessed Xavier! To get... revenge on them killing Jake Thorn, his son! 

I think this is the part of the book where the author realized SOMETHING from the last book needed to carry over to make this an actual trilogy? So on top of having Sevens and Not-In-The-Know College campus girls as the antagonists, we also need to throw Lucifer onto the mix. And he isn’t even the LAST antagonist to be introduced to this book!

This is why I call it the Spider-Man 3 of books, people. There are at least 4-5 different villains in this book and it is ridiculous. This is also why none of the events feel connected. There’s too many antagonists and honestly? You could cut out this entire portion with Lucifer out and nothing would change. It’s just a page-waster. 

That being said, this entire section was the most hilarious and fun to me. I enjoyed Lucifer a LOT in the last book and here he doesn’t disappoint! He calls Beth a whiny bitch to her face which is honestly... a wholeass mood so yeah. 

Beth, Gabriel, and Ivy tie down Lucifer to a bed in a basement of a house they so happen to own which is kinky I guess and a standoff kinda happens? Lucifer is too strong of a demon for the angels to exorcise since they’ve been weakened fighting Sevens or something and Lucifer wants to stay in Xavier’s body to take revenge on him and the angels. 

Which... okay. See, this starts turning stupid as then Gabriel and Lucifer start waxing poetic and debating about... the morality of Lucifer’s fall from Grace? I just... more bible shit... whyyy and it could have been interesting if we cared about Gabriel or if Lucifer was a real character rather than just “big bad” but blehh. Jake Thorn makes a return as a wraith briefly to develop a deal between Beth and Lucifer to get Lucifer out of Xavier’s body or something and it’s honestly so pointless. This entire scene is pointless. There’s so many plotholes it’s painful. 

And thing is, if the author kept the big bad of the series to just Lucifer, this right here is a great starter to a different book. But for some reason, she changes villains every book. Fuck, she changes the villains in this book every few goddamn chapters! This is why nothing feels concrete in this book and why nothing sticks, nothing feels important, and events have no weight. This book feels serialized. Like a monster-of-the-week sort of story that encapsulates multiple episodes of some tepid and poor Supernatural ripoff. And I never even watched Supernatural. 

After this event, everything goes downhill fast. Mainly ‘cause this is the last time we see Lucifer. He just kinda leaves after this section, doesn’t come back, and is barely thought of. The only reason why this entire section of this book is here is because Lucifer agrees to leave Xavier’s body if Gabriel’s wings are cut off? Thing is, his wings aren’t even cut off, they’re just badly damaged. But if you needed Gabriel’s wings to be destroyed for Plot Reasons... just have the Seven’s damage them? Like why drag an entire random ass character and this entire random ass scene into it?

See? Nothing makes any gd sense! The author just wanted to write this scene ‘cause she wanted to... not because it would make sense to put in. And Xavier barely has any trauma from the fact he was possessed by the greatest evil of the world. He watches a game of football, has sex with his wife, and is pretty much completely fine after that. Yikes. That’s not how... people work? At all?

Anyways, Gabriel getting his wings damaged means he’s now Emotional TM since idk pee is stored in the wings? Actually, an angel’s version of a soul and he then confesses his love for Molly, Beth’s friend from hs who is now in an abusive relationship w the head of a growing cult. I WISH I WAS JOKING

Like. What was the author SMOKING when she came UP with this stuff. Anywyas, all that happens is more waxing poetic about love and Gabriel acting OOC and then soapboxing about Christianity and cults or something. Then Later they all rescue Molly from her initiation into the cult by her fiance and since she’s separated from him, she can have no trauma now because she was rescued!! Ain’t that just GREAT!! And now she can be with Gabriel!! Silly Molly, for even FALLING for a cultist anyways!! Yeah, this point of the book just.... whyyyy what is the pooooint whyyy does the author need to put in her two cents about DOMESTIC ABUSE!! NO ONE ASKED!! NO ONE. Maybe because people complained Beth and Xavier’s relationship was shitty and had abusive traits so she had to put in a more dramatic abusive relationship to show that there’s isn’t? But Molly being in an abusive relationship with a cultist doesn’t... magically mean Beth and Xavier’s unnatural obsession w one another is healthy. You don’t-can’t- compare abuse. Or at least you shouldn’t. It’s not a fucking pissing game. 

Anyways, after that fiasco, which again has no real trauma or emotional impact on... anyone? They go back to Venus Cove after being caught AGAIN by Sevens at the college campus. Xavier is revealed that he’s... part Angel? Because Ivy blessed his mother to give birth to him and he was destined to cross paths with Beth or some shit? It’s all convoluted and stupid, honestly. There is no point to this besides giving Xavier a magical way to combat the Sevens in a scene because silly Beth is a womyan and she can’t defend herself and her HUSBAND against ANGELS of course not!! She needs a man to help her!! Also... I guess for more drama? I don’t know I’m just perplexed at this point. 

They go back to Venus Cove because ?? Beth and Xavier are finally cornered and Beth is forced to go back to Heaven. She’s put with a therapist called Eve. More grossness about therapy and misinformation about mental institutions is inbound. Eve is the last of the villains introduced and it doesn’t even matter. Beth can’t stand Heaven without Xavier and goes to get help from Emily, Xavier’s dead gf who he lost his virginity to which is info We Didn’t Need or Care About. Her and Beth argue some, Beth is a bitch, but she’s like that to everyone in the book so whatever. She meets with a friend who was once a Seven who introduces her to some RANDOM ANGEL who HAPPENS to run an UNDERGROUND REBELLION against the Sevens that cuts wings off of angels who want to be human?

And this doesn’t go against God because ??? I have NO Idea because the author doesn’t want it to and God already knows about them and is ok w it and the political unrest in Heaven I guess? God the contradictions are piling up. THIS MAKES NO SENSE AND COULD BE A BOOK ON ITS OWN

Also why were we wasting time with Beth in the first book when there was ALL THIS happening on in the BACKGROUND apparently?? I don’t know nothing makes any sense. 

Anyways, her wings are cut off, she says goodbye to Heaven and falls, lands on the beach of Venus Cove. Her old friends walk by talking about exposition in the 2 years she’s been gone but doesn’t see her somehow? I guess this exposition is supposed to tie in subplots but it doesn’t and also doesn’t matter. 

Beth goes back to Xavier, they have a reunion, and are alone now in the house since Ivy and Gabriel aren’t even there they went off somewhere to do Things I guess and it doesn’t matter. She’s human now and has a belly button and everything so now they can grow old and die together the end.

If it isn’t clear by now.... this book has a problem with basically everything. From a technical standpoint it’s an utter nightmare. In some ways, even worse than Halo since this book also has a tone and mood problem. The story jumps ALL OVER THE PLACE and does a poor job at mixing the supernatural parts and the human parts together. Revelations are made that have no bearing on anyone or anything. Drama happens and so do traumatic events but no one is really impacted by... anything? Beth is always in the right even if she does terrible things, poor her and Xavier, their life as rich white people is so hard since their love isn’t accepted or recognized by Heaven :( let me play the world’s smallest violin for them. 

Seriously. No self awareness or critique. At all. 

I don’t know what else to say about this book. I think it should be evident in everything ELSE I’ve said. Writing? Bad. Plot? What plot? Bad anyways. Characters? Godawful. Too many. No direction, no pace, nothing. This book feels like a churned out mess probably because it is. I don’t even wanna ASK how this got published because the answer is simple; money. 

Either way, I am BLESSED to be done with this series. As hilarious as Hades and Heaven are, I wanna go back to reading REAL books, thank you very much. 

Also, I am so sorry Spider-Man 3. I am so so sorry for comparing you to Heaven. That is a straight up insult and I take it back right now. Because I don’t think anything is comparable to Heaven. 

*/***** or 1/10

[love-little-lotte]

My Top 11 Favorite Outlander Episodes (Seasons 1-3)

Hello! I’m back again with another Outlander post haha. What did you guys think of the latest episode? Wasn’t much of a fan of it (what the hell, Roger?) but I’m kind of looking forward for the next episodes now. 

But that’s not what this post is going to be about. I mentioned from my Outlander Obsession post that I would like to discuss about the cast and characters of Outlander, much like I did with The Handmaid’s Tale before. But then I realized that there are so, so, so many Outlander characters that made an impression and it would be impossible to fit them in one post. So, I decided to make a Top 11 Favorite Outlander episodes. 

These episodes are entirely my favorites. So I don’t care if you agree with me. I’m just sharing to you my fave episodes. You can definitely share your own as well. I also chose episodes from the first three seasons because Season 4 is just starting. Maybe I’ll make another one when Season 4 is done. 

So, shall we begin?

#11: Season 1, Episode 15 - Wentworth Prison

This episode was such a roller coaster, I swear. Since I don’t know anything about Outlander (I just recently started reading the first book, thanks to a suggestion), I was caught off guard when this episode happened. I don’t really have the stomach for torture scenes, so this one almost made me cry. The next episode is more, um, detailed for sure and is more harrowing than this one, but I couldn’t bring myself to rewatch that episode just yet. 

The Wentworth Prison episode, however, is more bearable to watch. I especially love Claire in this episode, since she portrayed a strong modern woman. Jamie rescues her a lot - when she was almost assaulted by Black Jack Randall and the one with the witch trial - and now, we get to see her rescue him. Despite the dangers ahead, she didn’t stay put and she was ready to risk everything.

This also highlighted the acting chops of Caitriona Balfe, Sam Heughan, and Tobias Menzies. They were definitely convincing as their characters, especially Sam and Tobias. I bet this was not an easy episode to shoot (as well as the next one), but hats off to them! 

#10: Season 2, Episode 11 - Vengeance is Mine

Ah, this was such an entertaining episode. I watched this in a public place on my phone while I was eating lunch, and I had to stop myself from screaming when the Duke died. The Duke of Sandringham is one of those characters that you love to hate! And it was such a pleasure to watch him die (most fittingly) in Murtagh’s hands. Mary also got her revenge to the man who raped her, which really ruined her prospects with the love of her life, Alex Randall.

Claire, also once again, became the heroine of the day when she sacrificed herself so that the Redcoats would leave them alone. Thanks to her quick thinking, she was able to save Jamie and the others, and crossed paths once again with Mary, saving her as well. 

#09: Season 3, Episode 1 - The Battle Joined

Finally! All of the events in the first two seasons led up to the historic Battle of Culloden, and it was a delight to see it. Though they only had snippets of it, it was so satisfying to see Jamie finally end Randall’s life. He finally got his revenge! But this triumph is temporary, when Jamie wakes to realize that most of his friends lost their lives in the battle, and that Claire is not there with him. 

Claire, on the other hand, is adjusting to her new life in Boston with Frank. It wasn’t easy, of course, but she was able to make life bearable. She learned to have a new relationship with Frank, even though it was not what they had before. Not only has she to overcome her new relationship with Frank, but also her status as a woman in the 40s, especially since she was regarded as one of the bravest women back in the 18th century Scotland. 

#08: Season 1, Episode 1 - Sassenach 

The episode that started it all. I started watching Outlander because I was bored one Sunday afternoon, but when I watched the first episode, I knew that I came across something special. 

The episode showed a small backstory of Claire in the war and her relationship with Frank, which made us sympathize her character when she time travelled to the 18th century. It also showed us Claire and Jamie’s first meeting with the dislocated shoulder scene! Sparks were definitely flying when they first met, I swear. The title of the episode is also one of my favorite term of endearments Jamie uses for Claire. 

#07: Season 2, Episode 4 - La Dame Blanche 

I have a soft spot for period dramas and dinner episodes haha. Maybe it’s an after-effect of Downton Abbey. 

Other than that scene though, this also introduced us to another villain in the Frasers’ life - Comte St. Germain. That piece of shit tried to poison our favorite feminist icon but being the baddest bitch that she is, she survived. This was also the episode when Claire finally reveals to Jamie that Black Jack Randall is actually alive, and that he will get his revenge. Jamie also got over (more or less) his traumatic experience, and finally has sex with Claire after months. 

#06: Season 2, Episode 13 - Dragonfly in Amber

This episode reduced me to tears! So many goodbyes. So many heartache. My poor heart can’t take it. Though there was a small piece of happiness (Claire is pregnant, again!), it was also the reason why Claire has to go back to her own time for the safety of her unborn child. 

Claire and Jamie’s tearful goodbye were so heartfelt and real, and both Cait and Sam acted so perfectly in that episode. I especially love Jamie’s lines: “Lord, ye gave me a rare woman, and God, I loved her well” before making love to Claire one last time. In the end, though, we find out that Jamie never really died in the Battle of Culloden and Claire makes up her mind to go back to see him again. 

Oh, and we also get to see Brianna, Claire and Jamie’s daughter. She’s an interesting character, for sure, and I can’t wait to see more of her. 

#05: Season 3, Episode 6 - A. Malcolm 

Yes! The most awaited reunion! After 20 years of being separated from each other, they finally reunite. Even though they’re much, much older than they last met, the passion is still burning and the love they feel for each other is still there.

Aside from the most-awaited love scenes, my favorite scene in this episode is Jamie finally seeing photographs of Brianna. It was such a wonderful moment, that after 20 years of not knowing what happened to his wife and daughter, he is finally aware that the sacrifice he made 20 years ago was worth it. The couple also had a lot to talk about after not seeing for so many years. I watched the whole season 3 in, like, a day so I cannot imagine the agony the fans had to endure while waiting for this episode haha. 

#04: Season 1, Episode 7 - The Wedding 

Ah, of course. You can’t have a Top Favorite Outlander Episodes without including this episode. This episode showed Claire and Jamie’s first kiss (which was weirdly during their wedding lmao) and their first love scene/s (they had sex, like, three times in this episode). 

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I don’t think Claire was in love with Jamie when she married him, but she was obviously drawn to him, and she felt a strong attachment. This was the beginning of an understanding Claire and Jamie shares - may it be physically, or romantically.

Plus, the costumes and setting were breathtaking. Claire’s wedding gown was absolutely charming, as well as the wedding place. It really gave me the 18th century feels. The flashbacks were also nicely put, as it gave more personality to other characters. 

#03: Season 1, Episode 9 - The Reckoning 

Correct me if I’m mistaken, but this was the first episode that Jamie was narrating, instead of Claire. We finally get to hear what he was thinking about the entire time. It was also in this episode where he truly admitted that he was indeed falling in love with Claire.

Claire and Jamie also get their first major fight as a married couple. The whole screaming match they shared was so... entertaining to watch haha. I could watch the two of them bantering the whole day, I swear. And when they forgave each other? Gah, tears me up all the time. 

Though the whole “disciplining the wife” scene was cringey, I guess it was still necessary especially because this was set in the 18th century, and husbands really do that to their wives. Jamie apologized in the end, though, and promised never to do that again and they had the most mind-blowing sex scene in the whole series lmao. 

#02: Season 2, Episode 7 - Faith 

This was one of the saddest episodes, ever. Or probably the saddest one. Claire losing her baby was such a punch to the gut. The whole scene with Claire singing to the baby was also such a heartbreaking moment. Claire is not a stranger to losing family members, since her own parents died when she was really young, but losing a child is something she never even imagined, also probably because she thought she could never conceive. 

The whole scene with the Comte and Raymond was also a nail-biter. The whole thing was directed perfectly and without flaw, and I love seeing the Comte receive his bitter end. Claire is someone you would not like to mess with. 

Caitriona Balfe in this episode was such a force to be reckoned with. Her acting chops were truly highlighted in this episode, and I could definitely feel her pain and anguish. I couldn’t imagine how she handled those feels, because ah, she was so amazing in this one. 

#01: Season 1, Episode 11 - The Devil’s Mark 

This episode is the best, really. The directing, the acting of everyone, the whole thing leading up to the witch trial... ah! Geilles is actually one of my favorite characters, even though she’s a villain. She’s tough and clever, and I have a weakness for female villains because it’s such a breather. Geilles is a very interesting character, for sure.

I’ve already suspected that Geilles was something else, when Claire saw her dance in the woods before, so I wasn’t really surprised when she was also from the future. Lotte Verbeek’s acting was so good, and I couldn’t imagine a better Geilles than her. 

Also, I always believed that this was the episode Claire finally realized that she’s really in love with Jamie. She finally trusts him enough to tell him the truth. And despite all of that, Jamie accepts her and even took her to Craigh na Dun so that she can be together with Frank again. He was ready to give up his happiness, his love for her, so that she could be happy.

But Claire didn’t go through the stones. She decided to stay with Jamie because yes, she’s in love with her. She also told him to bring her home to Lallybroch. It was actually in the next episode where they say “I love you” to each other, but her staying is also a sure sign that she was indeed has serious feelings for him. 

So, there you have it - my Top 11 Favorite Outlander episodes. Most of them are from the first two seasons, because those two are my favorites are more memorable to me. 

This is probably going to be the last lengthy Outlander post I’m going to make, unless there’s something exciting that will happen in the future episodes and I’ll have to rant about it haha. 

[persephone-damnedqueen]

The Downfall of Fairy Tail . . .

****Insert Spoiler Warning Here*****

Hiro Mashima published the final chapter of Fairy Tail this past week, and as some one who had been following the series weekly for the better part of 6 . . . oh gods. . . 7 years now, I can honestly say that this left me just bummed. 

Now, before I start with my rant, I want to address some things.  First:  A lot of people will label me as a hater, or a snob, or whatever, and that’s fine, but know this.  I’ve been reading this series for years.  This was also one of the first Shounens I ever got into.  In fact, it’s only because I’ve seen/read so many other series that I can tell where the faults really are in this series.  Second:  I know whatever I say there will be those people who are like:  “But Persephone, it’s his story, he can do what he pleases.”  Trust me I know this, and I write this fully aware that this is his work and not mine.  If this had been mine, people would have actually lost/died, *cough, cough, Erza, Makarov, cough, cough* and ships would be totally different,  *Cough, cough, GrayLu, cough, cough*  (Forgive me, it seems like I have a bit of a cold writing this).   To me, having been with the series for so long, and dedicated so much of my time to reading this series weekly for YEARS, to have the final battles end how they did and then that final chapter just makes me so disappointed.  Fairy Tail had so much potential, and then to see it just wasted like that just leaves me just disappointed.  “But Persephone, you’ve already said that.”   I KNOW, that’s how bad I feel, I feel so bad that I must reiterate how disappointed I am at a series I spent so much time with only to have it end like that.  Okay, now let’s go into what made me so just done with this series.   

Flaw Number One:  The Spriggan 12

Immediately, I get why he felt the need to go with the twelve, and in all honestly, I do not hate all of the twelve; however, I do have to hate on some of them.  For starters, War God Serena.  

Now, when War God Serena was first introduced, he was hyped the fuck up.  Are you kidding me?! Why wouldn’t he be hyped?!  The strongest mage in all of the Kingdom swaps sides?  Sounds Amazing right?!    Well, it sounds amazing.  Here’s the issue with him.  The first time we see him fight in the manga, it seems that he uses barely a quarter of his power, and singlehandedly defeats the 2-5 Kings of Ishgar, only to be literally instantly one shotted by Human Arcnologia, literally at the end of the chapter.  Arcnologia, having already proved to be the baddest of the bad, killing him wasn’t that big of a deal since after all, it was Arcnologia.  What killed it for me was later on in the arc, when God Serena was brought back, he was literally used as a nobody, and more of a comedic relief then a serious BAMF he was made to be at the start.  His like brief little skirmish with Gildarts was pointless, and only increased the uselessness of him afterwards.  Seriously, I’m left with this bitter taste, forever wondering what the hell was the point of him in the first place.  

Jacob:  

Remember Jacob?  No?  Oh, that’s probably because this guy was the literal definition of stupid.  How?  Simple.  This Big, Scary, Villain Mage was deathly afraid of boobs.  . . . In Fairy Tail. . . .  For those of you playing the home game and have literally no idea why this is fucking retarded, Fairy Tail is a series known for two things:  Friendship Power, and Boobs.  For a villain to be afraid of boobs is literally like Superman walking over and not only telling a villain he’s scared of this green glowy rock, but literally handing them the only thing that can take him down.  It was disgusting, pointless fanservice, that turned Best Girl into literally another object, just when she was actually holding her own.  Yaaaay.  I mean why give Lucy a proper fight this arc when you can just show her boobs?  AmIRite?  

Honestly, out of all of the twelve, only a handful of them were even relatively decent characters in the first place:  August, Brandish, War God DiMaria, Fucking Eileen, and Larcade.  Everyone else was utterly just either pointless, or just overall bad choices.  And hell out of the twelve of them, there was only one of them that I actually liked and that was Brandish, who is Best Girl Period and I’ll fight anyone who thinks otherwise, but I feel like Eileen and August need their own section to rant about.  And literally the only one of the ones I didn’t mention to get a decent fight was Bradman against Gajeel, and ugh . . .that ending.  . . . Moving On.  

Flaw Number Two: Because She’s Erza fucking Scarlet

Queue the hate now.  Goddess, if you guys didn’t hate me before haha you sure as hell are going to hate me now.  Oh well, I’m prepared.  Bring it.  

Alright, I fucking despise Erza fucking Scarlet.  One of the most beloved by the fandom is literally the worst character plot armored character ever created.  Hell, she has so much plot armor she makes fucking Kirito look like a masterpiece character.  

She didn’t start out as my most hated character, but damn by the end she definitely deserves the title.  I loved her during the Tower of Heaven Arc, and hell, she wasn’t even that bad later on in the Tenroujima Arc, and was even decent in the Grand Magic Games Arc, but oh god did she get ridiculous really fucking quickly in the Tartarus and Alvarez Arc.  

Have Erza take out a 100 monsters all by herself in a Game?  Sure, that’s somewhat believable.  Have Erza win the battle with Kyouka after she lost literally every single sense, but because she’s Erza can somehow use a sixth or a seventh sense?  Really?  Have Erza fucking Scarlet take out a fucking meteor falling from the sky right after she had literally every single bone broken except for one arm and then defeat an actual dragon with a pathetic dragon-slayer-enchanted sword?  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  NO ONE IS THAT FUCKING PLOT ARMORED.  RATHER THAN LOSE THE FIGHT YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT BECAUSE SHE’S ERZA SHE CAN MAGICALLY TAKE OUT A FALLING METEOR AFTER SHE’S BROKEN ALL HER BONES IN HER BODY EXCEPT ONE FUCKING ARM AND THEN STILL HAVE ENOUGH STRENGTH TO NOT ONLY MOVE BUT TO FUCKING TAKE OUT AN ACTUAL DRAGON?!?!  THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?!  

And don’t even get me started on the shit about her and Arcnologia.  I’m so fucking done with Erza ‘Because she’s Erza’ Scarlet, moving on.  

Flaw Number Three:   Eileen/Irene Belserion 

Getting this out of the way so that I no longer have to talk about Erza anymore because fuck that bitch.   Also, I must note that there are a couple different variations of her mother’s name, but I will be using Eileen, since I like that one best.   It’s all the same person, and she is indeed Erza’s mother, so moving on.  

I loved Eileen and her backstory.  In all honestly, I actually really enjoyed her character, and for me that’s saying something in this series.  You find out that she’s over 400 years old, and is actually not only the first Dragon Slayer, but a Dragon herself.  Her past is a tragic story, and honestly, the most developed out of the 12 and more developed than most of the Fairies’ to begin with.  So, if she’s got a good established character, wants Erza dead, or at least her body anyways, and a solid reason for following Zeref, why do I have a problem?  Simple.  The ending of her fight.  Yes, I’m fucking furious that Erza magically won that fight, but what irritates me even more is her stupid, pointless, suicide.  Are you fucking kidding me?!  On what planet does that make sense?!  This BAMF had already abandoned Erza for dead, joined Zeref, body-swapped, turned into a fucking dragon and THREW A GODDESS DAMNED METEOR AT ERZA and then after all that decides to feel remorse and then goes and fucking kills herself?!  Really?!  Alright.  I’m done.  #ForeverSaltyAboutEileen.  

Flaw Number Three: Zeref, Mavis and August

Alright, these three all go together, so let’s start with the biggest killer for me.  

Zeref x Mavis

Personally, when I first read about their relationship, and in Zero, I loved it.  I obviously shipped the tragic immortal lovers together, and truly wished for their happiness. . . . well, that was until August came into the picture.  

I would have been much happier with the Zervis relationship had Lacarde, a END prototype was the true “son” of Zeref, rather than August.  Why you ask?  Simple.  When Mavis’ death was first shown and you got to see that tragic kiss that killed her, it was stated that that was how she died, thus making it a true tragic love story. 

The only love of Zeref once again killed by his own curse the moment they achieved happiness.  It was perfect.  What killed it?  Mavis got pregnant.  Now, that could happen one of three ways.  One:  Mashima rewrote all of chapter 450 and changed it so after Zeref got laid, Mavis became instantly pregnant, AND the child magically survived that, (keep in mind Mavis was dead at this point).  Two:  Zeref fucked her corpse, magically got her corpse pregnant, in which case ewwww, or Three: I’m completely overpraising this entire thing and expecting this to make too much sense.  Regardless, That ship became destroyed for me at that moment.   

August:  

Not even August was saved from the Power of Friendship defeat.  Pooor August.  Like Eileen, my main problem was his fight and how it turned out.  That fucker had such powerful magic and was the son of fucking Zeref himself, and yet he got defeated by fucking Gildarts and Cana.  Alright, alright, alright, but at least it was Gildarts, making it a bit more satisfying.  Regardless, what does the guy do anyways after his defeat?!?!  Fucking Kills Himself.. . Yet again. . . Really?!  Ugh, so done with the suicides for no reason.   

Flaw Number Four:  The Results of the Battles 

Honestly, this was the main killer for most of the fandom.  Let’s have a massive country war and have literally zero heroes die in the entire thing and absolutely win with some bullshit tactic.  What?  Let’s review the massive circle the arc took every fight.  Some all powerful baddy would come.  He’d fuck some shit up.  Oh no! Someone is going to sacrifice themselves to finish them off, Shit he’s dead!  But they defeated baddie!  Cry!  Feels!  Three chapters later, Our hero is fine!  Are you fucking with me?! 

Carla should have died.  Juvia’s death would have been perfect right there, her killing herself to save her beloved, dramatic.  Gajeel dying after performing a heroic deed right infront of Levy showing the true loss of this war and effecting the aftermath.  Erza fucking losing a goddess damned battle for once in her goddamned life.  Gray dying for attacking Zeref.  ARCNOLOGIA KILLING ONE MORE ACTUAL DRAGONSLAYER TO PROVE HOW MUCH OF A BAMF HE WAS.  FUCKING MAKAROV ACTUALLY STAYING FUCKING DEAD FOR ONCE.  FUCKING NATSU DYING BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING STATED THAT ONCE ZEREF DIES, NATSU DIES.  ANY FUCKING MEMBER OF SABERTOOTH AND BLUE PEGASUS DYING AFTER LITERALLY BEING CRUCIFIED.  AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE SHIT WITH ICHIYA.  

I’m done with this. I’m too mad.  Moving on.

Flaw Number Five:  Arcnologia.  

Nope.  Not even going to begin on the clusterfuck of that fight.  Moving on.  

Flaw Number Six:  The Anti-Climatic Ending

In all honestly, as cliche as it would have been, I would have much preferred a time skip and children ending.  Sure, it’s the stereotypical ending for a shounen, but after this clusterfuck ending, it would have been a billion times better.  The ending was just meh at best.  It really just more felt like a filler ending instead of a conclusion to this 11 year tale.  The only part of the ending I did enjoy was the conclusion with Zeref and Mavis reincarnating, despite the fact that they are like teenagers and they’d only been dead for like a year, but whatever.  It was just the final straw in an already burning fire. 

Overall, this is what caused the Fairy Tail Downfall for me and just killed my love for this series.  Regardless on how it ended, Fairy Tail will always hold a special place in my heart, and I’m just glad it’s done with.   Regardless, I obviously will be watching the final season in 2018 when it comes back, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it!  I just get to be disappointed one last time.  I guess the best way to end my time with Fairy Tail is to say this:  The ending was shit, but hey! At least it looked Pretty.  AmIRight?  

Whatever, bring on the hate.  What were your thoughts on the ending?