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quiltedlovers · 4 years ago

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music of the mundane: soundtrack to the life and love of yusuf and nicolo from the old guard. the above panels were found here, (issue no. 3).

track list below the cut.

My Own Soul’s Warning by The Killers

And when I hit the ground,

it made a messed up sound

And it kept on rattling through my days

And cutting up my nights

Like a goddamn knife

And it got me thinking, no matter how far,

I just wanted to get back to where you are.

Quitting You by Arkells

I think about you all the time

I can't get you off my mind

If they only knew

Who I've been talking to

And it hurts all throughout my insides

I couldn't stop if I tried, loving you

I'll never learn, so I'll call ya when I'm outside

You said, "The key's behind the porch light for Unit 2"

I thought of maybe quitting

But there's no quitting you.

NFWMB by Hozier

Give your heart and soul to charity

'Cause the rest of you, the best of you

Honey, belongs to me

Ain't it warming you, the world goin' up in flames?

Ain't it the life of you, you're lighting up the place?

Ain't it a waste it watch the throwing of the shade?

Ain't you my baby?

Nothing fucks with my baby.

I Come In Peace by Soko

I've come in peace, come to rescue you

And thought you're sick I will comfort you

My heart is weak

When I'm not with you

We gotta make it through

You gotta live and learn and you've learned to bail

You live your life like you're stuck in hell

And my only goal is to make you feel safe.

I Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House

I saw you in a dream

You came to me

You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision

There was no reason, no explanation

The perfect hallucination

All good things come to an end

But I thought that this might last

But you came alive so fast.

What A Heavenly Way to Die by Troye Sivan

What a heavenly way to die

What a time to be alive

Because forever is in your eyes

But forever ain't half the time

I wanna spend with you, you

I wanna be with you, you.

When I Fall In Love by Nat King Cole

When I fall in love it will be forever

Or I'll never fall in love

In a restless world like this is

Love is ended before it's begun

And too many moonlight kisses

Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

When I give my heart it will be completely

Or I'll never give my heart

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too

Is when I fall in love with you.

Touch Me by The Doors

Now, I'm gonna love you

Till the heavens stop the rain

I'm gonna love you

Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I

Come on, come on, come on, come on

Now touch me, baby

Can't you see that I am not afraid?

HIM by Sam Smith

Holy Father

We need to talk

I have a secret

That I can't keep

I'm not the boy that

You thought you wanted

Please don't get angry

Have faith in me

Say I shouldn't be here but I can't give up his touch

It is him I love

It is him

Don't you try and tell me that God doesn't care for us

It is him I love.

Pink In The Night by Mitski

It's like a summer shower

With every drop of rain singing

"I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you!"

I could stare at your back all day

And I know I've kissed you before, but

I didn't do it right

Can I try again, try again, try again

Try again, and again, and again

And again, and again, and again.

I Know A Place by MUNA

Don't you be afraid of love and affection

Just lay down your weapon

They will try to make you unhappy

Don't let them

They will try to tell you you're not free

Don't listen

I, I know a place where you don't need protection

Even if it's only in my imagination

I, I know a place we can go

Where everyone gonna lay down their weapon

Lay down their weapon

Just give me trust and anything can happen.

Flight Of The Stars - ZAYN

I go where you go

Go through Armageddon

Girl I got you

Theres no goodbyes, only us

So I will follow

As long as you’re feeling the same

I will follow you into the flames.

Take Me To Church - Hozier

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times

My lover's the sunlight

No masters or kings when the ritual begins

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene

Only then I am human

Only then I am clean

Oh, oh, Amen, Amen, Amen.

Flowers In The Window - Travis

When I first held you I was cold

A melting snowman I was told

But there was no-one there to hold before

I swore that I would be alone for ever more

Wow look at you now

Flowers in the window

It's such a lovely day

And I'm glad you feel the same

Cause to stand up, out in the crowd

You are one in a million

And I love you so

Lets watch the flowers grow.

Golden by Harry Styles

You're so golden

I'm out of my head

And I know that you're scared

Because hearts get broken

I don't wanna be alone

When it ends

Don't wanna let you know

I don't wanna be alone

But I, I can feel it take a hold (I can feel it take a hold)

I can feel you take control (I can feel you take control)

Of who I am and all I've ever known

Loving you's the antidote.

STUD by Troye Sivan

How much of me would you take?

And how much of me would you change?

On second thought, don't say a thing

('Cause you're the one for right now)

Just let me believe that you like what you seein'

When you're lookin' at me and your heartbeat is speedin'

At seven hundred miles down highways to Eden

Like my body's the apple you're eatin.

What Would I Do Without You by Drew Holcomb and The Neighbours

Sometimes I wake up with the sadness

Other days it feels like madness

Oh, what would I do without you?

When colors turn to shades of grey

With the weight of the world at the end of the day

Oh, what would I do without you?

A decade goes by without a warning

And there's still a kindness in your eyes

Amidst the questions and the worries

A peace of mind, always takes me by surprise

I feel like I'm walking with eyes as blind

As a man without a lantern in a coal mine

What would I do without you?

You and I by PVRIS

I know it's warmer where you are

And it's safer by your side

But right now I can't be what you want

Just give it time

And if you and I

Can make it through the night

And if you and I

Can keep our love alive, we'll fight

We can meet in the middle

Bodies and souls collide

Dance in the moonlight

Where all the stars align

Oh, you and I.

#yusuf al kaysani #nicolo di genova #yusuf x nicolo #joe x nicky #the old guard #tog #kaysanova #playlist #immortal husbands

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jessicvlt · 5 years ago

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Lynn Gunn Beats 1 Radio Interview Transcript

Travis Mills: I got Lyndsey from PVRIS in the studio.

Lynn: WOOOO!

T: What’s goin’ on?

L: Nothing! I am super late, I’m sorry *snickers*

T: No, you’re fine, you’re fine! We’re making it work, we’re making it work. Um, Hallucinations, I’m playing it on my show.

L: Thank you.

T: Tell me about this record?

L: This record is actually really funny ‘cause I was doing like a series of writing sessions about a year ago, maybe two years ago now, um, and had a random session with Amy Allen and Marshmello. We had a really fun session, worked it out and then never thought twice about the song again until about, like, a couple of months ago-

T: Why do you say that you never thought twice about it?

L: I don’t know! It was a cool- I just didn’t think that it would be for our band. And then I suddenly, umm, our producer JT who we ended up doing our EP with was like “You should really, like, fully produce this and like make this a song” and I was like “Really?” I, like, didn’t get it. I didn’t see the vision or anything and then, umm, we just spent a lot of time on it and now it’s what it is. So it’s random!

T: Right? I know, seeing the song start as this idea, you know, that you made with Amy Allan and Marshmello to where it is now. I mean, you got the finished version of it.

L: Yeah.

T: What was, like, your first reaction?

L: I mean, I was in the whole process from, like, start to finish but, umm, it’s cool to see the side by side ‘cause the initial thing was that I never thought twice about it. So, it was cool. Sometimes you just have to give things a second look and really dig in.

T: You guys have an EP coming out at the end of this month.

L: October 25th.

T: Are you excited?

L: Yeah. We, like, finally got the artwork in and everything was confirmed and masters were done, like, a couple days ago so it’s-, all the stress is gone.

T: Right up to the, right up to the deadline!

L: *chuckles* Oh yeah, always!

*Hallucinations plays*

T: No shortage of music for PVRIS fans out there because as soon as this EP comes out, you guys got an album that’s dropping in 2020.

L: Yeah.

T: So, did you guys make these projects simultaneously?

L: Umm, they’re being made. Or, uhh, the EP’s done and the album is still being made-

T: Got it.

L: Umm, but it’s a little bit of both. Like, some of the stuff that we’re working on the EP didn’t make the EP and that will probably push towards the record, umm, and then other stuff will be, kinda, still, it’s still being processed.

T: You also released Death of Me,

L: Mmm hmm

T: Tell me about the inspiration behind this track?

L: *giggles* It’s about, umm, kinda like a- when you’re right about to fall for somebody that you know you probably shouldn’t. Or, like, you either don’t have a chance with them or they’re, like, bad vibes but you’re still gonna go for it…. Do you ever get that?

T: No!!

L: Hahahah

T: If I get bad vibes, I’m like “Nah, I’m done. I’m cool!”

L: Or maybe not bad vibes but you’re like, you give that person so much power that you could go either way.

T: I feel you.

L: Like, they could really mess you up or they could really do great things with you. So, it’s not necessarily getting bad vibes. It’s that, it’s that, uhh, point of vulnerability with somebody where you’re like, “where are we gonna go?”

T: And I think, I think it speaks a little bit too about, like, trusting yourself, right?

L: Yeah.

T: And like your instincts and like how you feel about a person-

L: Yeah, you gotta listen.

T: And the risk you’re about to take?

L: Mmm hmm. Sometimes you listen; sometimes you just have to wing it and just fall in. See what happens. So it’s kind of about that. Just, like, that jump off.

*Death of Me plays*

T: I do this thing on my show called “My MVP”. That’s “My Most Valuable Play”.

L: Ooo!

T: All that means is one song that I can’t stop listening to.

L: Ooo, okay!

T: If you had to pick your MVP, what song would that be and why?

L: My MVP right now would be 100 Bad by Tommy Genesis.

T: Why this record?

L: This past summer I’ve really, just, tried to avoid my emotions and that one’s really good to do that. You just, kinda, it’s a very good driving song and, like, gym song and you don’t have to think about anything. It just feels good. And you feel like a badass. *chuckles*

#pvris #this is pvris #lynn gunn #lyndsey gunnulfsen #beats 1

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insomnihan · 5 years ago

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10 song tag!

tagged by @wickymicky!!! thanks gwen!!! and probably some of my other moots in the past im sosososo sorry ive been so busy 😭😭😭

rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping!

okay um im deciding to use my youtube account and use both my liked videos and my girl group playlist lmao for no reason in particular??? i only ever use my likes for music.......... my taste in music just cannot be defined so ill just use those two? anyway-

my youtube liked videos:

Flower — Crimson Dress

Khalid — Better

INCHAOS — You and Me

PVRIS — Hallucinations

Chase Atlantic — I NEVER EXISTED

The Bonfyre — U Say

Tayc — Promis Juré

CLC — Devil

Sabrina Claudio — Problem With You

The Word Alive — No Way Out

hmmmmmmm............ chaotic...........

my girl group playlist:

After School — First Love

gugudan — The Boots

Gyeong ree — Blue Moon

LABOUM — Turn It On

Song Jieun — Going Crazy

Orange Caramel — Magic Girl

CAMILA — Take Me Home

Pink Fantasy — iriwa

Dream Note — Hakuna matata

9MUSES — News

the mix of genres in these first ten songs alone i would be so confused on how to feel ESPECIALLY with orange caramel and camila being right next to each other lmao

i dont exactly feel like tagging anybody ://////////// i know its not That Deep i still feel bad about it but yeah i dont feel like tagging anybody this time around ANYWAY thanks again gwen!!!!!!!! uwu

#i dont dare try to listen to these songs in these orders #the energy dont mix well and i dont wanna experience it #theyre all good songs tho 🥰🥰🥰#han.txt #the moots!!!#professor gwen!!!

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jaygilbert22 · 4 years ago

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COFFEE TALK with Dauzat St. Marie

Q: Everyone in the music industry has a few favorite “industry moments;” the time you had dinner with your favorite artist or worked with someone you respected and/or admired… what are a few of your favorite industry moments?

Mat - One of my favorite “industry moments” that most people don’t know about is when I got to jam some of my favorite songs with Ozzy Osbourne and band when I auditioned for the guitar seat in the Ozzy’s band. We sounded GREAT! And EXTREMELY LOUD!!! 🔈 🔈 🔈

Heather - When we toured with Pat Benatar, every night during her set, she would make it a point to call us out by name and commend us on our talents (and adorableness). And every night, I felt like I was floating above the ground to have such an incredible musician give us accolades.

Q: If you were to make a playlist of the songs that are part of your DNA, the comfort food that you keep coming back to, that never fail to move and inspire you, what would those tracks be?

Mat - Ugh. How does one decide??? I’ll give you a list for today, but that would likely change should you ask me again tomorrow. Here goes (in no certain order): ��Photographs and Memories” by Jim Croce. A masterful song by one of the true masters of song. “More Than A Feeling” by Boston. It has everything - great guitar riffs, guitar solo harmonies, vocal hooks, LOADS of vocal harmonies, and plenty of opportunities for me to show off the fact that I can hit some seriously high notes! “One More Try” by George Michael. Devastatingly powerful vocal performance. “Tiny Dancer” by Elton John. And if you ask me again tomorrow, I’ll give you another Elton song. And again the day after. “No More Tears” by Ozzy Osbourne. Signature bass riff, crushing guitar riffs, crushing guitar tone, stellar vocal melody and performance, and one of my favorite guitar solos of all time. “Tom Sawyer” by Rush. I know that one might seem like a weird choice, but anytime that song comes on my radio, I turn the volume ALL THE WAY UP and I get out my air drumsticks and GO TO TOWN... and all becomes right with the world. “Rain When I Die” by Alice In Chains. This is another band where you can ask me again tomorrow and I might give you another song. SO MANY GREAT SONGS! “The Sweetness” by Jimmy Eat World. An ultimate singalong song... whether you actually know the correct lyrics or NOT! It just oozes with hooky poppy sugary goodness. “Red Rain” by Peter Gabriel. Or really any song on “So.” “Like Suicide” by Soundgarden. Dark and moody, but delicious. “Buttercup” by Brad. So moody and powerful. “Say Hello 2 Heaven” by Temple Of The Dog.

Heather - My playlist changes with my moods or with the weather. Lol But I’ll narrow down some of the songs that I get lost in when I’m playing them: “Isis” by Bob Dylan - The live versions of this song are fantastic! And the attitude and delivery of the vocal is perfect. “Unbound” by Ásgeir - His voice is so smooth, and his songs are equally beautiful in English and his native Icelandic tongue. “Hold On” by flor - It’s hard to pick one song from this band, but this song is how I discovered flor. It’s perfect for a road trip - or dancing while doing laundry! “Hurricane” by MS MR - Such dark attitude and a KILLER vocal! “Fears” by MTNS - I love how this song builds up tension musically with an almost lazy vocal - until it just blossoms on the chorus. “Nola 1” and “Hallucinations” by PVRIS - Lynn Gunn is one of my favorite vocalists. She can go from singing to shredding in a beat, and the blend of genres keeps the band interesting. You never know what you’re gonna get with PVRIS - but it’s gonna be great! “Somebody Else” by The 1975 - What can I say? This is one of those songs that’s a crystalized gem of perfection. “Lifespan” by Vultures - Another band with a powerful female vocal! Their songs are so much fun to sing. I just wish the band had stuck together to make more music. “Come Rain or Shine” by James Booker - This guy felt every note he sang and played! His music was coming from every cell in his body. “I.Y.H.” by Elliot Root - Woah, such a dark and bittersweet song! And that smokey vocal just cuts through that painful emotion-scape. “Looking Too Closely” by Fink - Watch YouTube videos of Fink performing live. Fin always sounds like an album - he’s just sooooo good! “If I Get High” by Nothing But Thieves - I love this band’s soaring vocals and creative guitar lines. This song, especially, is so much fun to sing!

Q: Are there any artists that never really made it, that you’ve discovered, that you wish people could hear and embrace.

Mat - I’m not sure what the threshold is for having “made it” any more, but one artist who I’d love to see get a little more mainstream attention is Martin Sexton. I met Martin many, many years ago when we played the ASCAP Sundance Festival showcase (I was playing with Schuyler Fisk at the time). I was blown away. Schuyler and I met up with him again some years later while we were on tour and saw him in his element in front of a quite sizable crowd... OUTSTANDING! His live show is raw and powerful. Go to one of his live shows if you ever get a chance.

Heather - Like Mat, many of the “smaller” bands I listen to may feel that they HAVE, indeed, “made it.” Success is different for all of us. But I do love discovering new artists. Many of the bands on my setlist above are all doing their thing to varying degrees of audience reach, and I would love for y’all to check out the ones you haven’t heard before. A few others are Aquilo and Colouring.

Q: Who was your mentor? Why?

Mat - I’ve been blessed with many mentors on my journey through life and music, and I draw wisdom and inspiration from all. Traveling with Ozzy Osbourne and family when I was touring with Kelly was awesome because Ozz would drop all kinds of wisdom nuggets daily.... and plenty of WILD stories as well. Touring with Schuyler Fisk afforded me time with her mother Sissy Spacek, who imparted a lot of wisdom... and a LOT of laughs! Touring with Rick Springfield has certainly shaped us as we get to travel and work with one of the savviest and hardest-working guys in the biz... and he is always so supportive and helpful to our efforts.

Though you can probably spot an obvious theme of mentorship by folks we tour with, the biggest mentor in my life is one we don’t tour with... my father. His influence inspires so many aspects of my life, and my awe of his strong work ethic keeps me driven every day.

Heather - I was fortunate to have many people take me under their wing and guide me through the twists and turns of my life… and I’m grateful for each of them. If I had to choose one, I’d say it is my Grandmother. She taught me how to face adversity with a smile - understanding that these are the moments that shape us. And at 98, she still faces life with fearlessness and excitement.

Q: What’s the best part of what you do?

Heather - Mat and I put quite a bit of thought and heart into our lyrics, so it always means a great deal when people share their experiences about how our songs have impacted their lives. I feel that we’re all on this earth to make connections, and if our voices and our art creates a deep and lasting impression on someone’s soul - then we’re doing something right!

Mat - ☝🏻☝🏻what SHE said!

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my-one-love-is-music · 8 years ago

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I’m the One with the Ghosts in My Head

Summary: When things had finally become to much for Tim, he was ready to end it all. But a certain ghost brought some unexpected joy back into his life and helped change everything.

A/N: Mood Music: “Ghosts” by PVRIS

Also on AO3!

Tim didn’t know when his depression started. Couldn’t pinpoint the exact dates when his thoughts of suicide had cropped up. But he knew the first time that he met Jason. Could remember it all in stunning clarity because it was the moment that changed everything.

Tim had been laying in his bed. It was late on a Saturday night and he was home alone, his parents having left hours before to go to some gala that was being held. He thought that this would be the moment. This would be the chance that he would have to finally end his crappy life and find some peace. The furthest that he’d gotten was to grab the bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet. He wasn’t even holding it, it was just sitting on his bedside table as he stared at it.

“What are you doing?!”

The sudden voice in the unbearable silence that had been pressing in on him, made Tim jump and scramble to sit up in bed. He was worried that his parents had come home early and found him with the pills. He didn’t need their disappointment added to the crushing weight that he was already having to deal with.

But it wasn’t his parents. He couldn’t say that he was looking at a ghost. He couldn’t. It was impossible. And if he even conceded and accepted the fact that it was a ghost that was in his room, he didn’t even know him. Didn’t recognize the boy at all. Was certain that he’d never met him before in his life.

“Who are you? What are you?” Tim gasped, shrinking in on himself.

The boy walked towards him and crawled onto the bed, crossing his legs and perching one of his elbows on his knee so that he could prop his chin in his hand.

“My name’s Jason. And I’m a ghost, duh. What’s your name?”

“Tim.”

“So, Tim,” Jason said, quirking an eyebrow, “just what, exactly, were you planning on doing with that bottle of pills?”

Tim flushed and looked away. “None of your business,” he answered petulantly.

“Well it looked, and I’m sure anyone else who could’ve walked in on you while you made goo-goo eyes at the bottle, like you were planning on taking more than the recommended dosage.”

Tim hunched his shoulders and pulled his knees to his chest.

“Great, I’m depressed, I’m suicidal, and know I’m hallucinating a ghost,” Tim groaned.

“I’m not a hallucination. And take it from someone who’s dead…you really don’t want to end up on the other side of the ground any sooner than you have to.”

Tim opened his mouth to retort. What he wasn’t expecting was for everything that he was feeling, or wasn’t feeling for that matter, to come pouring out. If he was going to hallucinate another person, he might as well go big or go home and make it useful.

“I’m so tired. All the time. Dying honestly sounds like a vacation compared to everything else.” He could feel the tears gathering at his eyes and knew it would only be a moment before he was hiccupping out sobs. “I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I just want it all to stop. I’m so alone and have no one to talk to. Not even my parents. I can’t face the inevitable disappointment that they’d have towards me.”

When he looked back up at Jason he was frowning at him. “Hey…no more of that now, hm? And I won’t let you be alone anymore.”

Tim wiped at his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll keep you safe when things get bad. When your head gets a little too much. You can talk to me and I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

“R-really?’

Jason smiled, sweet and small. “Really. But you have to promise me something.”

“What?”

Jason pointed at the pills. “Get rid of those. It’ll be better if you don’t keep them.”

“Okay.” Tim got up from the bed and grabbed the bottle. He considered just tossing it into the drawer of the table, but knew that Jason would probably bug him about it unless he took it somewhere else. He pushed open the door to his bedroom and walked down the carpeted hallway until he got to the bathroom. He replaced the bottle in its original place in the medicine cabinet and hurried back to his room.

Jason had left his spot on the bed and was currently inspecting the different areas of his bedroom. It was strange to see a ghost or hallucination or whatever he was walking around because even though his feet were where they would’ve been if he was really standing on the carpet, there were no footprints. No sound.

“Your library is terrible,” he said, scowling.

“Excuse me?”

Jason pointed at his bookshelf. “You barely have any fiction and what you do have is lacking the classics. Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Dracula! I can’t believe you don’t own those.”

“Well, I kind of prefer photography to reading,” Tim said, trying to explain, what, he wasn’t sure.

Jason snorted. “Yeah, I saw. You sure have an obsession with Batman.”

Tim shrugged and moved to sit back on his bed. “Batman’s cool and all, but I prefer Robin.”

Jason joined him quickly, sitting opposite of him and mimicking his posture. Tim thought he looked rather intrigued by that knowledge.

“Robin, huh?”

Tim nodded and bit his lip. “Yeah. He’s just so amazing! The way that he runs across rooftops and fights bad guys. He’s not afraid to hit hard and put people in their place. I like it,” he gushed, face flushing.

“You really like him, huh?” Jason asked, grinning.

“Yeah, but…” Tim’s face fell. “The last time that I went out to take pictures, I couldn’t find him.”

Jason’s grin fell. “You probably won’t be seeing him again soon, either.”

Tim furrowed his brows. Took the time to really look at Jason. He gasped and sat forward, leaning in for a closer look even as Jason tried to back away from him. “You’re Jason. Jason Todd.” He felt the tears come back with a vengeance and sniffled. “What-what happened? Who killed you?”

Jason looked somber. “It was my own fault, really. I fell for the Joker’s trap. And now I’m here.”

“B-but why? Why are you here?”

Jason shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe the universe decided that since I could no longer be Robin, it’s my job to help a lost little boy.”

Silence descended between them. Tim sat back, giving Jason more space and they just sort of looked at each other. Accepted that they were there together. It wasn’t until later when the distant sound of doors being opened and closed drifted up to Tim’s room that they came back to themselves.

“Shit, my parents are home!” Tim hissed. He looked frantically between where Jason was still sitting and the door.

Jason sighed and pushed himself from the bed. “I’ll catch you later, Timmy! It was nice meeting you.” He walked over to the window.

“Don’t call me Timmy,” he hissed back.

“Tim? Are you still up?” his mom spoke up from the other side of his door. “I’m coming in.”

“Later, Timmy!” Jason chuckled before slipping out the window.

Tim let himself fall backwards onto his bed in front of where Jason was already waiting for him. He’d just gotten back from an utterly exhausting day of school and all he wanted to do was nap.

“You’re back,” he mumbled.

“Where else am I going to go?” Jason asked. “As far as I can tell, you’re the only who can see me.”

“That just adds to the argument that you really are all in my head and I’m going insane. Maybe I should just be committed to Arkham.”

“Even if I was just a hallucination, which I’m not, that still wouldn’t make you crazy enough to go to Arkham.”

Tim hummed. “He’s getting worse you know.”

Jason sighed. “What’s he doing this time?”

“He’s fighting a little too hard. He’s getting close to the edge of his morals. I think he almost killed one of the criminals he was supposed to take in the other night. He misses you.”

“Isn’t Golden Boy doing anything about it?”

Tim shook his head. “Dick hasn’t been back to Gotham. He’s doing his own thing.”

Jason hummed. “You know, he was my last hope. He was the person who I believed in the most. Because after everything that went south in my own life and the shitty people that I was forced to encounter, he was good. He helped me and he was working to help Gotham. I may not entirely agree with his methods, especially since I’m dead and the Joker’s still alive, but he was making a difference.”

Tim opened his eyes and rolled on his side, pillowing his head on his arm as he looked up at Jason. It was strange to finally recognize just how transparent he was. That he could see the outlines of the frames that were hanging on the wall behind him.

“Maybe you could help,” Jason said, thoughtfully.

“Me?!” Tim asked. “What can I do?”

“You can help.”

Jason made it sound so simple. Almost like the answer should be obvious. It wasn’t.

“How can I help? All I do is follow him around at night and take pictures.”

Jason huffed. “Well you’re obviously good enough to be bounding across rooftops already so that’s a start. But you could become his next partner.”

“You can’t be serious,” Tim said, pushing himself into a sitting position. “How can I help someone else when I’m so messed up myself? Isn’t that a sort of backwards way of going about the situation?”

“You’re overthinking this, Timmy,” he sighed. “As much as I hate for him to take on someone else when he hasn’t done anything as a result of my death, I still think that you could do it because you’re strong. You’re already a survivor because as many times as you’ve wanted to end it all and take those damn pills, you haven’t. You’ve pushed through and gotten to where you are right now. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to handle this situation.”

“But you don’t even know me.”

“Not that well, no. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see how earnest you are and how much you care, even if it’s mostly directed at other people. And maybe, just maybe, this’ll give you a stronger incentive to keep living. As great as these past few days have been just getting to hang around you whenever you’re here, I can’t be the only thing that keeps you around. So go. Be the next Robin or partner or whatever that Batman needs. Bring him back from the edge.”

Tim shook his head frantically, shying away from Jason’s space. “I can’t-“

“You can. And I’ll be there with you. I promise.”

“How?”

“I’ll watch you train. I’ll help you study. I’ll patrol with you. I won’t let anything happen to you. Well, I’ll keep bad things from happening as far as I’m able, anyway.”

“You really think that I can do it?”

“Timmy,” Jason said with a mixture of fondness and exasperation. “You can do anything. And I think that you’re the best person to follow after me. Not literally, but as Robin.”

Tim nodded. “And you’ll come with me.”

“Absolutely.”

Tim nodded again as he thought through everything. “Okay,” he said, pushing himself from the bed. “Let’s go then.”

“Where?” Jason asked, following him to his bedroom door.

“To Wayne Manor. Might as well get started as soon as possible.”

Tim groaned as he fell onto his bed in the early hours of the morning. Jason laughed at him and Tim tried to glare, but it was interrupted by a long yawn. Training was hard. But with Jason by his side and the signs of his own improvement, it had brought a little bit of happiness back into the dark expanse of his life. Convincing Bruce to take him on hadn’t been easy, but Jason just had him keep going back until he couldn’t turn him down.

“You’re getting really good, you know,” Jason said.

Tim shifted, groaning as his sore muscles stretched and pulled.

“Says the guy who just gets to hang out on the sidelines and watch.”

“Hey, I had to go through the same training that you’re getting. B didn’t just let me go out right away. He had to make sure that I was prepared, just like he’s making sure that you’re prepared.”

Tim shifted around until he was under his blankets. Jason laid down next to him, seemingly shining in the darkness amidst everything else. It was both breathtakingly beautiful and heart wrenchingly sad at the same time.

“I just hope that I don’t end up falling asleep in class tomorrow. I have a test.”

“Go ahead and get some sleep. You’ve earned it.”

“You’ll be here when I wake up?” Tim asked, voice drowsy and thick with sleep as he began to drift.

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you.”

The first time that Tim had tried on what would become his Robin costume, Jason had wolf-whistled and told him that he looked good. He tried not to blush too hard and if Alfred noticed as he made a few adjustments, which he probably had, then he hadn’t said anything about it.

“It does look good on you,” Jason said as Tim pulled his shirt back over his head. “Although, you’re still pretty stick-thin. You could use a little more muscle.”

Tim rolled his eyes, afraid to answer since he was still in the Manor.

“You’ll be going out on an actual patrol soon.”

Tim hummed.

“B’s looking better.”

He nodded.

“Master Timothy, if you’re ready, I can take you back home.”

“Coming Alfred,” he said, hurrying to follow the butler.

If Jason happened to linger a little longer behind him, then he decided that he wouldn’t ask about it. He could do as he pleased. He was a free ghost after all. He had every right to look around his old home.

Tim was having one of his bad days. He was tired. And everything seemed tiring. He wanted nothing more than to just curl up in bed and block it all out, but he needed to go and help Bruce. Needed to train because that would mean he would be able to patrol sooner and help him. He was better, but he still had his days. Just like Tim.

Jason found him curled up in bed. The lights in his room were off and he had a blanket pulled tightly around him. He was putting off having to leave as long as possible. He’d probably come to regret his decision, but he couldn’t really care.

“Hey, Tim?” Jason asked softly.

Tim lifted his eyes slowly and found that Jason was already laying down next to him. What he wouldn’t give to be able to reach out and touch. How he wished to have his arms wrapped around him and be held close by the one person who understood him above everyone else. The one person who cared enough about him to bring him back from the edge on his bad days. To give him the strength to keep going even when his mind traced back to the bottle of pills that were still in the medicine cabinet.

Jason smiled sadly, almost as though he knew what he was thinking. “You’re going to be okay. And I’ll be here with you.”

“I need to go train.”

“You need to make sure that you’re okay first.”

Tim sighed.

“If you miss out on one day it’s not the end of the world. Plus, I think it would be fun if the two of us spent the night in. We could watch a movie or order a pizza. Not that I could eat that.”

Tim’s smile was tentative, but it was definitely there. “Don’t say that.”

Jason just shrugged. “I’m already dead. There’s no need for me to eat anymore, or beat around the bush about it, but I can still enjoy a movie or two.”

Tim tightened the grip he had on his blanket. “You’re sure that they won’t be mad at me for taking a day?”

“As long as you let them know that you won’t be stopping by. B probably won’t even notice with everything else that he has to focus on. Alfred might try and convince you to let him bring over a lot of food though.”

“Alfred’s nice.”

Jason smiled wistfully. “Yeah. I think he’s the person who I miss the most. I spent a lot of time with him and he always knew how to calm me down.”

“Jason?”

“Yeah?” he asked, turning to face him again.

“What’s your favorite kind of pizza?” Tim asked shyly.

“Why? Are you going to order it and eat it in front of me?” he joked, smiling crookedly.

Tim shook his head. “No…but I’d like to know.”

“I like everything. Meat and veggies and cheese. It all tastes so good together.”

Tim pulled out his phone while Jason continued to talk about pizza, laughing when he highlighted on the horrors of putting pineapple on pizza. He sent off a quick message to Bruce saying that he wasn’t feeling well and needed a day.

The darkness was still there, lingering at the edges of his mind, but it was calmed. It was staying away thanks to the bright smiles and happy laughter coming from the ghost next to him. And it made him think that maybe for once, everything would turn out to be okay.

He also decided to get pineapple on his pizza just to spite Jason.

Tim stared out over Gotham with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing or that he was actually being allowed to patrol. It sort of helped him to understand why the vigilantes came back night after night. They might get hurt. Bones might break and their blood might run, but if they got to see what he was seeing? It made all of it worth it. Made all of his training worth it.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Jason asked at his side.

Tim nodded.

“I’m pretty sure that I had the same reaction the first time that I got to step out on top of one of these buildings, too.”

The wind ruffled his cape slightly.

“Come on, then. We don’t want to keep Batman waiting, now do we?”

Tim matched Jason’s smile and shot off his grapple. He finally took the plunge, but it was a different kind of plunge. One that he would come back from and he wasn’t alone. And Jason would always be there to make sure that he saw the other side.

The first time that Jason didn’t show up when he usually did, Tim thought nothing of it. He just assumed that he was off doing whatever he usually did during the day. He didn’t always spend time with him and he had the ability to pretty much travel anywhere.

So Tim hunkered down and worked on his homework before patrol, feeling more motivated to get things done than he had in a while. Being the new Robin and having Jason around had helped. He felt needed. He wasn’t alone. Even if Bruce had reluctantly taken him on, he still helped people. It felt good to stand above Gotham. Felt good to know that he was helping keep it safe.

He realized how much he liked having Jason’s chatter with him when he was flying across rooftops. It kept the silence at bay. Kept some of his more nasty thoughts from taking over everything and blocking other things out, even if they didn’t come quite as frequently as they used to.

He hoped that Jason would make it back to him soon.

Jason had been missing for a whole week.

Tim had tried to keep himself together. He’d gone patrolling, he’d gone to school, he’d done his homework… He made an effort to get out of bed every day even when the old tiredness began to set in. Even as his bones began to feel weary again and the darkness that had been kept on the fringes of his mind started to cloud his thoughts.

He missed Jason. Hadn’t realized how much he’d come to rely on him. Hadn’t realized how much he’d come to care about the boy who’d been killed. About the old Robin who he loved to watch fly and loved to take flying with him.

But he’d fought through the week. He’d told himself that he could keep going. He had to keep going, for Jason as much as for himself.

But he also had to consider the possibility that Jason wasn’t going to come back to him. That as much as he told him and had promised him that he would stay with him and wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him, something bad was going to happen. Because Tim didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

The sunshine and the fire that had come back into his life and that Jason had brought had dimmed. It had left him. He didn’t know how to find it in himself even when he desperately tried to. Even when he curled up in his blanket that had been there so many times to provide comfort. Had kept him warm when it was Jason who he wanted to envelop him.

That was gone, too. He didn’t have anyone else to turn to and if Jason was gone. If that spark that he’d come to love, that had only been reinforced by his ability to patrol, was gone…then there was no way that he was going to be able to find it in himself.

It was another Saturday. Just like the one when Jason had first appeared. His parents were at another gala. Bruce was either getting ready to patrol or he was already out there, taking care of everything. And just like before, Tim pulled the bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet and filled a glass with water.

He would be hurting Bruce all over again, he knew. He’d be taking another Robin from him, but unlike Jason, he was beyond saving. Had been from the start. Jason had only prolonged the inevitable and he was going to take the next step. He was going to bring it all to an end.

This time, Tim was sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed. He had the bottle of pills held tightly in his hands. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could picture Jason sitting there, mirroring him. But there was no voice telling him to stop. No ghost looking on in horror at what he was about to do. At what he wanted to do.

He didn’t even realize that he was crying at first. Only noticed when his vision began to blur and tears fell onto the label that covered the orange bottle.

“I’m sorry, Jason. I tried to be strong. I really did. But you’re gone and I…I don’t know how to do this myself. I was never good at living, but you…you consumed me and brought me back to life even in your own death.”

Tim pressed the bottle against his forehead as a choked sob left him. He tried to will the tears to stop, knowing they would just make this harder. Make it take longer for him to swallow them all down. He wondered if it would be just as effective if he chewed them instead.

Taking one last shuddering breath, he twisted the cap off the bottle and looked down at the contents. It would be so easy. He just had to take them and then he could lay down and fall asleep. It would be peaceful. He wouldn’t have to fight anymore. He turned to reach for the glass of water that he’d set out when glass exploded behind him.

Tim ducked his head, listened as the shards tinkled and fell to his carpet.

“Tim!” a panicked voice called out.

His breath caught. Because he knew that voice, but there was no way. Well, there was a way. He’d been privy to it for months, but it was never accompanied by breaking glass.

He turned slowly, not even making it all the way around when his arms were grabbed firmly and he came face-to-face with…

“Jason?” he breathed, sounding every bit as broken as he was feeling.

Jason looked down. Caught sight of the orange bottle that was still in his hands. He made some sort of strangled sound and pulled it out of Tim’s hand, flinging it across the room, spilling white pills in his wake. He sat on the bed and pulled Tim into his arms, holding him close.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to leave you like that. I didn’t even know what was happening. Just that I wasn’t here and I’d left you and you didn’t even know why.”

There was a moment of nothing. The pause before the storm. The silence at the start of dawn.

And then Tim was sobbing. Heart-wrenching, body-wracking sobs as he clung onto the shirt that covered Jason’s chest. And Jason was so big and different, but he couldn’t even care because he was there and he was real and he was alive. And he was holding Tim. Had his arms wrapped tightly around his slim frame and was rocking him back and forth the way that Tim had wanted almost since the first day they’d met and Jason had caught him with the pills.

“I-I thought you were gone. I thought that was it. That’d you’d left me. I didn’t have anyone else. And everything was so wrong without you. I d-didn’t know what to do, Jason,” Tim forced out in between gasping sobs.

“I know. I’m sorry. But I’m here. And I’m never going to leave you again. I’ll move into this fucking house if I have to, I don’t care. B can try and take me away from you all he wants, but he’s not going to get in the way.”

Tim sniffled and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He was still crying, but he’d calmed down slightly. He pulled back to look up at Jason who reluctantly let space come between them. “How are you alive?”

Jason got a grim expression on his face. “Apparently there’s this magical pit that can bring people back to life and I became privy to it.”

Tim nodded. “I’m glad that you’re okay. I’m glad that you’re here.”

“Me too. You don’t know how many times I wanted to be able to hold you when you were having one of those days. How many times I wanted to be able to pull you close when we watched a movie or share that pizza. Without the pineapple of course,” he said, chuckling. “How many times I imagined what it would be like to take you out on a date and get to hold your hand and do gross couple-y things.”

Tim ducked his head. He was blushing, but he also knew that he had a pleased smile on his face. He twisted his hands in the fabric of Jason’s shirt to avoid meeting his eyes. “I…wanted those things, too.”

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”

Tim gasped as he was pulled against Jason’s chest and out of the bed. It took him a minute to fight his way out so that he could see what was going on, his confusion returning when he found Batman standing in his window. Jason was tense next to him and squeezed him in reassurance.

“Calm down, B,” he said, rolling his eyes. “If I wanted to hurt him, he’d be hurt by now.”

“What are you-wait.” He straightened from where he was perched in the window and stepped inside, walking closer to the bed. “Jason?”

“Right in one, Sherlock.”

“But, how?”

“Lazarus Pit.”

Bruce nodded slowly. “How do you know Tim?”

Jason and Tim exchanged a glance. Even though the tension had diffused from the situation, Jason was still holding him close.

“It’s a…long story,” Tim supplied.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Bruce added after a moment.

“That’s a bit of an understatement,” Jason shot back with a roll of his eyes. “We can talk later. I’m a bit tired after racing to get back to Gotham.”

Bruce nodded again and moved back over to the window. “I’ll see you later, then.”

Once Jason nodded, Bruce left them alone and Jason sighed, finally letting the last of the tightness drain from his muscles.

“So what happens now?” Tim asked.

“Now,” Jason said, pulling him over to the bed. “We can get some sleep. Like I said, I’m exhausted. And I could use nothing more than a good cuddle from this great guy that kept me company when I was a walking sheet.”

They shifted around underneath Tim’s blanket several times before getting comfortable. Tim was tucked against Jason’s chest and Jason had his arms wrapped tightly around him.

For the first time in a week, he found that he could rest easy.

“Evening, pretty bird,” Jason said, landing on the rooftop that he was perched on.

Tim huffed out a laugh, grin coming easily. He stood from his crouch and met Jason halfway.

“Weren’t you supposed to be helping Nightwing with something?” he asked.

Jason pulled off his helmet and ruffled his hair. “I was supposed to, but the little brat showed up instead so I thought I’d come find you.”

He snaked his arm around Tim’s waist and pulled him close, Tim’s arms automatically encircling Jason’s neck. Jason leaned down and captured Tim’s lips with his own, their twin smiles making for a very interesting kiss.

The days had gotten easier. Being with Jason helped. And when he had his bad days, Jason was there to hold him close and helped to comfort him. And when Jason had his bad days, then Tim could easily do the same. The darkness was still there, but he had a pretty strong light to help keep it away.

#jaytim #tw: suicidal thoughts #tw: mentions of depression #molim writes #new fic #have a new fic for the fourth day in a row

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