#tim: just once I want my friends to pretend that I'm as normal as I think I am

[alternis]

despite how my brain wants to make everything into a story, the real heart and soul of SHS is the comedy of it all

characters who've never met tim finding out there's a child of lady shiva and richard dragon, two of the most talented martial artists alive, and then being incredibly disappointed when they fight him

people who already knew tim/the third robin finding out his mother is lady shiva and being weirdly unsurprised by the revelation

tim trying his best to angst about his parentage whilst dealing with people asking to fight him/nodding to themselves like everything about him now makes sense/trying to recruit him into their cult

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Letting u know that Jobless Monday by Mitski is Jay and Alex in Sorry Its Locked to me. I’m insane about this btw. Super Normal👍

Ow. Fuck you /pos

I'm so glad you're super normal about this anon. I'm so glad you were normal enough about this to tell me about it so i can be normal about it with you.

This got so long and i kinda went on a tangent, so, thingy:

you're so right tho. you're so so so right. Jay just wants to be seen with Alex, to be with him like a normal couple, even if the only people seeing it at the two of them. Sure it'd be nice if their friends knew or whatever, but even if it was just them being couply and in love in private would be better than what they currently have (in uni).

Jay doesn't care where they go, if they're just with their friends who they know will accept them, he just doesn't want to have to pretend like he and Alex aren't into each other all the time. He wouldn't care if they went on a walk in the woods and held hands with no one there to see, as long as they got to hold hands. He doesn't just want to be Alex's fuck buddy. He wants to hold his hands. He wants to go to lunch or dinner with him. Fe wants to kiss him on the lips. He wants Alex to kiss him on the cheek or the top of the head. He just wants to be Alex's boyfriend, his partner, not some dirty, disgusting secret Alex hides from everyone out of shame.

God they're so tragic. They're fucking awful. Jay just wants Alex to stop treating him like it'd be disgusting to date him, and Alex is terrified of what could happen to them if they were out at all, even to just their friends. So much could go wrong, they live in Alabama, it's the early 2000's, so fucking much could go wrong, he's not wrong to be cautious.

But that doesn't fully explain away why he refuses to be sweet with Jay even in private.

It's not all Alex's fault though. Like, yes it mostly stems from his fear of being out as queer in any way, but like, Jay's still kinda shit about it, yknow?

I need to write about why Jay wasn't great back in uni properly at some point, but none of my thoughts are properly coherent about it yet. At least not coherent enough to write into a fic yet.

I think I want to make it so that Jay was kinda pretty manipulative, and a lot more pushy with Alex than he lets on about to Tim (or even that he realizes himself) like, you know that bit in chapter 5 of Sorry its locked? where Jay, like, tries to physically force Tim to choke him? And they have to pause and be like, what the fuck? And Tim understands why Jay did it, but he's still really hurt by it because Jesus Christ Jay.

Like, you know that bit? Well I have plans about how Jay used to do that to Alex, not a lot, but like, it happened and more than once, with Jay physically forcing Alex to do stuff. and usually it was fine, like, Jay wanted to be slapped around or have his hair pulled, so he'd move Alex's hands into position to do that. And like, usually that was fine, that was just how they kinda worked and it was fine, those were things Alex was usually happy to do. But then one time Alex was trying to have a slightly less intense scene because he was already tired that day or whatever, and then Jay put Alex's hands around his neck, and Alex was very much not okay with that, but they were in the middle of something already and Alex was in a dominant kinda mindset, so he just punished Jay mid scene for trying to control what was going on, and then they carried on and that was it, they didn't talk about it.

But then after Jay leaves Alex just breaks the fuck down over it, because he realizes just how dangerous that could have been. like, he realizes that he could have really badly hurt Jay, that he could have killed Jay if he hadn't realized where his hands were.

My plan is that this happens near the end of Jay and Alex's fwb relationship, AND that Amy somehow walks in on Alex breaking down and having a full blown panic attack over how he could have really hurt Jay. So Amy has to take care of Alex through that, and she gets him to tell her what happened, so he does and she's the one that is kinda like, "dude, that's so not okay, what the fuck? He shouldn't have done that, and you said he's done stuff like that before? That's so not okay oh my god." and she's the one that convinces Alex to stop his and Jay's fwb relationship. She's so concerned for Alex's mental health (which she should be) and a little while after he breaks his and Jay's thing off, she kinda wants to show Alex what a healthy relationship should be like, and that's how those two start dating?

Also like, when I say Alex breaks down, I really really mean it, like, that guy is hyperventilating borderline wants to kill himself because holy shit he could have killed Jay what a fucking monster he is for not realizing sooner etc. etc. etc. Like, Amy has to zip tie all the draws with knives in shut because otherwise Alex is actually going to do something impulsive and hurt himself. he is very not okay, like that thing with Jay was the final straw and with it's weight he's breaking.

Amy is to Alex what Tim is to Jay in this au. Like, she only gets one side of the story so obviously assumes that Alex is completely innocent in his and Jay's relationship, and Jay is a total monster. Which isn't true, they're both terrible to each other.

Alex needs to listen to Jay more and make it safer for Jay to talk to him about things, because if he did that Jay wouldn't feel the need to manipulate Alex to get what he wants from him. It definitely all kinda stems from Alex being super closed off emotionally to Jay, right? But just because it starts with Alex, doesn't mean that by the end Jay was kinda arguably worse than him. Y'know? Like, they make each other worse.

But like, yeah, Amy does the whole "I can save him" thing for Alex that Tim does for Jay. She thinks she can fix Alex, and at first it seems like she can, y'know, he moves schools and they live together and everything seems pretty good, Alex does get better when it comes to how he expects a partner to treat him. But in the end Amy can't fix the Operator sickness stuff (which i guess she didn't know about at first and all that but still, once that becomes obvious to her---e.g. Alex starts getting a lot more volatile even with her--- she thinks she'll be able to talk him through that as well)

[shadowbrightshine]

My gift to you @marvelmaniac715

Here's a little thing I made for that idea I was sharing with you. This is completely out of order from where I would want to start the story, but it's a thing I made as a little proof of concept. Unfortunately it's pretty rough, but I'm writing from a perspective of a self hating girl, and then a teen out of his depth. Once I write it proper, it'll feel more natural. For now, here is Cherry Lolly, or Janet from the Starry eyed children Revival, and Tim Hudson, the first prophet after the Lord's reformation you wrote. Say hi to the Homeless man! whoopies I wrote 2.5k words! enjoy everyoneeee. Fair warning, Janet's views on herself is not how I see things. Also Janet thinks in a more stilted way, so her narration is, like that. Reblogs appreciated!

Janet watched from the bush as Tim passed by with William. He’d changed since the accident that took away the use of his left leg. He was more confident and talked to everyone now. Janet watched him, him and the brightly colored friends he’d made. She didn’t mean to be creepy, but if anyone saw her they would run away. She knew that, she knew how hideous she was, with her top teeth covered in skin, a surgical adjustment and filter flap in her neck that made her look like a robot, not even a lower jaw to pretend to look like a normal girl. Her parents tried to tell her she was still pretty. The screams of those kids still haunted her and proved them wrong every single day she walked the earth. That’s why she had to hide in bushes and trees to watch the normal people go about their days. 

Tim had changed physically too. His fingers were longer, and his right leg was longer, she’d noticed his left leg drag less and less as the months went on, just slightly. She knew why, it had to do with William. She’d watched him and his brothers for a little while now. They weren’t normal, they could transform into new bodies. She would give her dominant arm up for a power like that. No one else remembered, but Tim used to have brown eyes. Whoever changed everyone’s minds must have forgotten her. No one remembers Janet. Tim used to have brownish eyes. Now one eye was a dull blue, and the other was still hazel now, it had a thick ring of green around it, and green near the pupil. No one else remembered, except for her. No one likes Janet but her parents, and they never tried to have another child, they learned their lesson. 

Janet felt gross. She was so gross watching others like this. But she couldn’t talk to them without revealing this awful deformity. She had to use her talk pad if she used the phone. Tim was special. Something was different about him now. She’d seen him give a present to the homeless man on Christmas Eve. She’d seen many things. She knew about Max Jagerman, the ghost of Hatchetfield who murdered her favorite girl. Ruth was the only other person she worked up the courage to interact with, and that was only a week before her death. Ruth didn’t care that she was disgusting, she’d called Janet pretty, she’d held hands with her, she even gave her these cherry hair clips she would never stop wearing. 

The brothers showed up on the night Max disappeared forever, and Janet could feel the shift in the air as time went on. The town was different now. They had something to do with it, and they could do things no one else could. Them and the sister, the girl who walked with Hannah. She’d tried to talk to Hannah, but her cowardice kept her back. Janet shivered, it was cold out and she didn’t have proper protection today. Wendy radiated warmth and a special magic, she could feel it. Janet crept back towards her home, the woods feeling more real to her than the town did. 

She carefully avoided crossing into the camp territory. She’d also watched girl Jeri and boy Jerry before. She was scared of the counselors. The adults didn’t seem to notice how strange they were, but she knew. She knew they were bad news, and she knew about little Jerry. He was nice to her, and she brought him muffins sometimes. Her family lived far away from the rest of the town. She knew why, it was because her parents were ashamed of her. That’s why they never went into town, or took her out to shop, or lived in town. They would lie and tell her it’s because this house was part of the family line. They told her lots of families lived in the woods. That part wasn’t a lie, she’d seen the other kids playing in the woods, but they couldn’t meet her. 

Janet was a monster, and she knew it. The only person other than her parents who was nice to her was a fellow monster. Normal people didn’t need to use a feeding line in her arm to stay alive. Normal people had tongues and chins and could talk. Normal people didn’t spend their days watching from the shadows. Normal people had friends. No one remembered the day she was born in the hospital and the nurses screamed in fear anymore. She knew she was a monster. But like a monster she couldn’t resist the draw of humanity. She wanted to be seen and loved. She spent hours writing in her notebooks, entire scripts, books, and stories. She’d explored every part of the forest. 

Tim was nice to the homeless man. No one was nice to him, everyone hated him and thought he was weird and gross. Janet had watched him stumble around and talk to himself all the time. She thought about trying to be his friend, but he’d probably assume she was a hallucination and ignore her. Better not to risk it. Tim though, Tim got him a gift, and he talked to him, and cared about him. Maybe…maybe he wouldn’t mock her. Maybe he would be nice to an animal like her. A monster like Janet. She had to try. 

Christmas Eve:

“Spare change for the homeless?” The man asked, it was one of the few things he could say easily. Tim shook his head and took a seat next to him. The homeless man scrambled to make room for him, staring at him with more  confused than usual eyes. Wiggly stood a few feet away, holding Tim’s crutches for him. The snow was thin here under the awning of the shoe store. Tim shivered, but his snow pants kept him dry. It was harder to get around in these, but they were warmer. 

Tim looked at the man’s shaking hands in the cold. “Do you have a name?” He asked, taking some gloves out of his pocket and handing them to the man. “Everyone walks past you and ignores you. I’ve seen you around since I was a baby.” The man used to speak more clearly, if just as strangely. Tim remembered when he would have conversations with random objects. Now his voice was really shaky and he couldn’t seem to form full sentences anymore.

The man struggled to get the gloves onto his hands, fingers numbed by cold and by some kind of disability that made all his movements strange or jerky. Maybe it was making his voice worse. Was it a degenerative condition? “A…A name…” He looked up at the sky, it was already getting dark, and the last bits of sunlight reflected off the clouds. “My na-naame, I had…” He shut his eyes. “I had a name…” He suddenly clutched his head and groaned. “I ca-can’t thinnnk about the pa’ anymore. Time hurts, it hurts!” 

Tim grabbed his arm in alarm. “Forget it, it’s ok! If you don’t have a name, maybe we can think of one!” 

The man uncurled and looked at the hand on his coated arm. No one had done that in years. “...A new one?” He rocked back and forth for a minute, eyes searching around for something. 

The teenager nodded, this wasn’t how he’d planned for this to go, but the homeless man needed help, and he wanted to help out if he could. “Yeah! Um…Uh…” He looked around and saw the holiday menu on the Beanie’s sign. “What about Noelle? Or maybe Noah if that’s too feminine?” The man scrunched up his face in concentration. 

“Noelle.” The man repeated the name a few times, each time less slurred than the last. “...I hav’a name now.” Noelle smiled, turning to Tim. “Thanks! That’s good stuff isn’t- yeah, pretty…good.” Tim watched how badly he was shivering. The cold was making things even worse. The cold makes your head foggy, or that’s what it does to Tim. A car went by, a green one. “Tim, thanks.” 

“How do you know my name?” 

“Whose…name?” Noelle looked around for another person, but they were the only ones on this street right now. He shivered and pulled his coat tighter over his body, and Tim noticed the buttons were all snapped or missing. Or the hole was torn and too big to keep the button in place. Noelle couldn’t close his coat anymore. 

Tim shook his head. “Never mind. Well, Noelle, I wanted to give you something. You’re broken, right? Your brain is broken, and you can’t do stuff normally anymore right? That’s why you do all those weird things all the time, and follow Peter around.” 

Noelle nodded. “Petey…” Tears formed in his eyes, which confused Tim, but he pushed forwards. He hadn’t planned this out very well, but something inside him told him to come to Noelle and help him. 

“Well, I’m broken too.” Tim gestured to his leg, which was currently sitting in an awkwardly painful position which Tim couldn’t feel. “My body got messed up, and I think my heart is broken, or…something inside me got broken when I was younger. See, broken people have to help each other.” Tim felt weird, this wasn’t how he usually talked, but he wasn’t sure if Noelle would understand him otherwise. Tim didn’t know how to explain these things. “I want to help you. If we don’t help each other, who will? Becky serves at the soup kitchen, but you always get there after it closes so she can’t give you anything.” He pulled out a gift wrapped box and offered it to Noelle. “So, maybe this will help.” 

Noelle happily took the box and looked at Tim. “New box!” 

“No, it’s in the box, it’s- it’s in the box Noelle.” Had Noelle ever been given a Christmas present before? Tim felt tears freeze on his cheeks. He should’ve done this years ago. Tim helped him unwrap the gift, revealing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles watch. “My uncle Wilbur always tells me that it’s important to keep the time, so maybe if you have a watch too you can get to the kitchen before it closes.” Tim felt self conscious. “Sorry, I thought it would be better to use a cheaper watch so I can replace it for you if it gets broken, and if I got an expensive one it might get stolen from you. Is this ok?” 

Noelle stared at the ticking clock, fascinated by it. “Tick…Tock…” He nodded distractedly and slipped the watch onto his wrist. “What time?” Noelle had a weird cast to his eyes as he looked at the watch-face. 

Tim waved for Noelle to look at him. “It’s from 4pm to 6pm, so from here-” He made the clock time with his arms. “To there. As long as you come during that time, we can help you.” Tim looked at Wiggly, and then back to the man. “If you need more help, I want you to do this special knock, and then I’ll know it’s you. Blinky says you won’t hurt me, and even if you tried, Wiggly wouldn’t let you. So knock on my window and I’ll wake up to help you.” Tim knocked on the wall in a simple but strange way. “Ok, you do it.” 

Noelle tried, messing it up a few times before he got it down. “...That?” 

“Yeah, just knock like that on my window. In the box is a map to my house, and where my window is. I wanna help you, but don’t come unless you really need me, ok?” Tim waved Wiggly over and dug his water bottle out of his bag. “And…You can have this too, so you can get water from the fountains and take it with you.” 

Noelle held the water bottle and box in his arms, crying as his face made a strange smile. “Tha’s really nice. Thank you!” His eyes cleared for a moment, as if he was actually seeing Tim. His voice changed, and it sounded really familiar. “Tim…You’re the Hudson kid, you used to go to Beanie’s all the time, and you had a donut every time we ran into each other. I was trying to ask out- out- I…” The cloudiness came back to him and the strange smile returned along with his normal voice. “...Thanks…” 

Tim swallowed and wiped his eyes, a little disturbed by the exchange. It was much weirder for him to have clarity and then go back to his usual than to just be strange. “Um…right. Well, well, merry Christmas Noelle. I hope you can get soup now. Goodbye.” 

“See’a kid! Merry merry merry- that. Merry!” He called as Wiggly gave him his crutches back and they headed home. Well, not home, but to Lex’s place for a Christmas party, with his Dad’s permission, of course.  

Wiggly glanced back at the man. “Do you know who he is?” Tim noticed the testing tone he had.

“No one knows who he is, or where he came from. I feel bad for him… Do you know him, Wiggly?” 

His friend paused and shook his head. “No, Tim, I do not.” Tim looked at him, something felt off about his answer, but Wiggly didn’t usually hide things if it wasn’t for a good reason. “You did a very good thing friendy wend.” 

Tim smiled and accepted his friend’s silent offer to carry him back, the crutches held by semi transparent tentacles that sort of waved around them. “I feel much better, knowing he has some gloves now. Thanks for buying those.” 

“Mhm, now it’s time to open those presents you made us. I’ve very excited Timmly wim.” Tim snickered at the name and relaxed his neck, looking up at the sky. It was dark enough that no one would’ve been able to see Wiggly’s magic extra limbs anyways. 

“You’re going to love them. All of you. I spent a long time making these.” It was Tim’s idea to give the brothers and sister their presents on Christmas Eve so they could spend the day with their respective favorite people. Tinky had invited himself to Peter’s house for the day. 

Wiggly met his eyes and gave him a smile. “I have a few gifts for you as well, and I think you’ll like them.” Wiggly’s smile stretched to a grin. “You may need some more wrapping paper.” 

Tim grinned back. “You’re the best, you know that right?” 

“Of course I do. I’m the king of Hatchetfield.” He gestured to the crown with a tentacle, which was hidden and poking from under his winter cap. The hat didn’t do much since it wouldn’t fit over his head properly, but Tim thought it was funny and didn’t point out how useless the hat actually was. 

“Yep! Kings and Queens and all the inbetweens! Let’s go party!!” Tim cheered. The two continued to talk as they made their way to Lex’s house.

[kennieswrld]

I Always Want To Die (Sometimes)

TW! Talks of suicidal ideations, graphic details of abortion and an overarching reference to the 1975.

Three days ago I planned to end my life. I was going to take all of my sleeping pills at once as well as my mood stabilizers. Life felt (and still kinda does) worthless and undeserving of my time or energy. I just wanted to end the numb and dull void that had began growing in my chest since my breasts began to develop.

Most will say that being "emo" is "just a phase" and that "most people grow out of it". I never realized until today that I am not one of those "most people". At first it was a fun and world bending way for me to express myself and take in- (never finished this sentence and I have no idea what I was going to say nor how I was going to finish this paragraph. Maybe it's my love for loving the unknown but I wanted to keep this thought here for a sentiment to the emotions I was going through while writing this at the time. Like where was this going? What was I even trying to say?)

Waking up everyday in absolute depression because you didn't choke on your own spit in your sleep? Yeah buddy, that's not normal. Isolating yourself from the world and pretending that the people on TV understand you better than yourself? That isn't normal. Planning your own death and writing out your own will and eulogy? Not. Normal.

-

That introduction was an attempted post I began writing around 3 months ago from when I'm writing this now. Boy oh boy do I feel like hiding behind my shadow to see my raw emotions in writing. It's weird how in the 3 months since things and feelings have changed drastically. Yet that small voice in the back of my thoughts can still be heard some days.

It's kinda funny revisiting this draft of a post every now and then because I know what prompted me to start writing it in the first place. I was stood up on a date. As humiliatingly dramatic this reaction is to read now, it opened a lot of doors for me.

I still want to disappear sometimes. It comes and goes, it's a packaged deal with living with bipolar. But staying alive 3 months longer is insanely insane (double insane because wow is it a whirlwind of emotions). Over the past few months I've lived my life in a way I have never lived before. I overcame my fear of being happy.

I put myself out of my comfort of my room with my cat. I actually tried continuously communicating with people I enjoyed spending time with instead of listening to my inner selves doubts and anxieties. I let myself become vulnerable to another person who wasn't my closest friend for the first time in ages. And I had an abortion.

It's funny to think that most of my life ending thoughts and intense emotional ranges weren't from my bipolar, but rather my body preparing herself to create a tinier body within itself. It's a comedic blessing in disguise that he stood me up that day. Who knows if I would've even found out about my condition as fast as I did if I were more focused on another person than my own self? I think of that often.

Would I have not payed more mind to the uncomfortable abdominal cramps I was having? Would I have become someone's mother? Would I have become someone's reason for creation that they would've never had the chance to meet in person? Would I have gone through with the loud sobs going through my mind every day during those tumultuous 3 weeks?

I guess it's better to not know. Well, obviously it is since I don't have to live in any of those realities that I often catch myself thinking of. But, the idea of ending my life feels so beyond me now that I've made a life decision to keep my life the way it is rather than inviting a new one in (Totally not saying that the bloody golf ball that fell out of me was a 'life', it's more of a metaphor. For me at least. Please for the love of God support people's choices on what they want to do with their lives and not your opinion on what they should do). I find myself about it a few times every other week if I wallow in myself long enough, but not nearly as much as I did then.

Living with my bipolar and discerning how intertwined it is with who I am has been a rollercoaster to say the least. I have my up's and I definitely have my down's, but since the day I went to the doctor to receive that life altering pill I've felt different. I'm not guilty nor am I depressed over the decision I made that day, but I feel like it was the loudest alarm I've ever woken up to. I needed to climb out of the casket I was allowing it to bury me in.

I overcame my fear of never fitting in and became close friends with people I never thought I would've met during that time in my life. I met a girl who unknowingly to her aided me in visualizing how far deep in my head I was renting for the price of my mental health. For the first time in the 20 years I've been alive, I felt normal and as if I belonged somewhere. I still don't know what I'm doing with my life or where my future will take me, but it's less of a dead end feeling as it used to be. It is what it is. I can't worry about things I have no control over. But, I can enjoy every second I have in this disgusting yet beautiful planet.

I let myself experience loving another person and allowing them to love me back in the most intense way possible. But unlike my past attempts with romantic relationships, I learned how to truly empathize and absorb the differences my partners come with and what it takes and means to love someone properly and honestly. Not for the sake of just doing it just to feel less lonely than when alone. They met me after the ceasing the growth of the could've been big eyed parasite that tried growing in me. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like it was the end of my story but they helped me start a new chapter. They helped me stare my self-made misery in the eye, and punch it's ugly face in the nose. To trust someone else's words and apply them in my day to day has brightened my days for the better. I thank every deity that could exist for the time spent with that person. Without their presence in my life I don't know how I could have processed that experience alone.

It's funny that this has sounded as if I'm super optimistic everyday but I know if depression drives into my life again my tone will shift from how it sounds now. But maybe it's good that I'm vocalizing the stability and happiness I've curated for myself in the past three months, maybe it will give me hope to live to see the future. Hence the title of this post. I want to learn more on how to bolden the 'sometimes' and strike out the always.

I'm not writing this for your pity, I'm writing this to give myself hope. And maybe anyone who reads this...mostly for myself though because I know I need to see myself saying what I'm thankful to be alive for when my illness tries to stuff me back in that cold and dark casket. It feels isolating living with this illness most days, but I'm not the first nor am I the only person dealing with this. Fuck, even people without bipolar feel this way sometimes. It's nice to know that your sadness isn't permanent, you're just afraid of not being sad because it's all you know. I'm so glad I got that abortion, I'm even happier I didn't let that tiny voice win. I have a cat to feed, and he needs me more than any dark thought that voice tries to convince me with.

tldr: putting my hand on the burning stove really made me change.

[nerdybirdboy]

"Emilio, stop pretending to be a pet-bunny." Dio spoke when he saw the young prince of Gotham walking around with the golden fur bunny in his hands, asking others where he could find the youngest son of his host's house. "That's no way of courting others."

Bunny squeaked, ears all up in alert as he was scolded in the softest of voices by his older brother — if those could even be considered reprobating words, it was more in the lines of advice by the tone they were carried over, — then turned back to Tim and his intelligent eyes showed a downcast and apologetic gaze as little paws rubbed on the tiny face, both eventually pulling on the long ears and covering his eyes with both.

"He's apologizing to you." Dio explained the body language, even though he thought it probably wasn't necessary, and held his hands out at a distance that was safe for Lio to get from Tim's to his, only to see his shapeshifting brother look back at Tim with a timid and sad expression before ccarefully climbing up to his shoulder and hide there against his neck. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience too, Timothy. Had I known earlier of my brother's little tactic, I'd have come to look for you sooner. I hope he didn't cause you any trouble though and that you had some fun together."

One of Lio's little paws raised in a way to wave for Tim, showing he truly felt sorry for that, but in all of his timidness the youngest of the Rosali house didn't feel confident enough to approach the other in his human form first, and now he couldn't shift back unless he wanted to be naked in front of him. He did want to be friends though.

Tim startled when he heard the voice, despite its softness. Emilio? Courting? Oh! He looked down on the bunny in his hands, the one he had quickly realised wasn't an average pet bunny, and then up at Dionisus. He couldn't help but flush a little, knowing now who he had in his hands. Not that he regretted anything he'd said or done in the bunny's presence. Okay, he might feel a little embarrassed that he had seen him in his trousers only, especially since he had developed a crush on the other young Prince almost immediately, but hadn't known the bunny was him.

Seeing Lio's apologetic look now, he really was expressive, he couldn't help but smile. So cute. "I can see that. He's very expressive." Tim smiled, though it looked a bit sad now, and followed Lio's movements with his gaze. When Dio spoke again, he looked up at him. "No inconvenience at all. I realised quickly he wasn't an ordinary bunny, although I did not know he was your brother." Normal bunnies didn't eat meat, or that much food either, and didn't reply to you in such a way his furry little friend had. "I understand. I'm... I'm quite shy too." His cheeks were now a deep red colour, remembering his first look at Lio, as a human, and how he'd made a fool of himself. Instead of bowing when Bruce had introduced them, he'd stared and stuttered 'an angel'. Not the kind of first expression he'd wanted to make. "I've had a lot of fun." For once, he hadn't felt so lonely. He'd been smiling more, or as Jason said 'not moping around the castle like a wretched spectre'. Tim didn't think he had ever been that bad, but Jay liked to tease him too.

Tim waved back, fighting the lump in his throat and the prickling of tears in his eyes. This was all an overreaction and he knew it and as a Prince of Gotham, although the second youngest, he couldn't let anyone see him cry for anything, especially not losing what to others was a pet bunny. "Thank you for your time, Emilio," he said, voice soft and low, before tearing his gaze away from the bunny and back to Dio. "Prince Dionisus." Tim bowed and then turned around and walked away, straightbacked and with quick confident steps. Tim was fleeing. Fleeing to one of the towers that only he used to hide at the top. There he could just be himself and mourn what he thought he'd now lost forever.

@goldentemplariumcrow

[redrobin-detective]

Tim supporting Kon !! can be about something either legitimately angsty (like Luthor being half his DNA) or kinda silly (he was canonly worried about his hair thinning?) or something in-between!!

I got just the thing for you babe, I hit you with fluffy Timkon so let’s bring on some pain.

Kon was angry. It seems like such a simple statement but it doesn’t even come close to describing how he feels right now. He’s felt angry before but not like this. This is a bubbling hatred, boiling under his skin ready to explode. It makes him want to scream and cry and throw up all at once but mostly it makes him want to hit someone. And he knows exactly who he wants to hit.

He’s flying as fast as he can for Lex Corp with nothing but pure, unfiltered rage fueling his flight. Because if he stopped to look beyond the anger for one moment, he thinks he just might drown in his guilt and grief. Conner had been… meeting with Luthor. Lex had been going on for years about how he’d wanted to be available for Kon as a father. Conner had ignored it for so long but since Jon came around, Clark was even less willing to be there for his clone and Conner had well… caved. He’d wanted someone, anyone to give him a little attention, even his most hated enemy.  

It wasn’t anything big, they awkwardly talked about normal things and Kon gave extremely edited rants about his problems which Lex would patiently listen to before giving some advice. Conner even took some of that advice. They'd only met up three times but every time they did, Conner felt both relieved and also like he needed a shower. He didn’t even tell Tim cause well, he knows Tim and he knows that Tim would have talked him out of it. Dammit, he should have known this would happen, he should have-

“Luthor!” He shouted throwing open the window he normally uses to sneak in for their meetings, the fragile glass shatters in his hands. Lex is sitting at his desk. He sighs and sets down his cup of tea and raises a mildly disappointed eyebrow at Conner like a chastising parent.

“Why must you heroes always break my windows?” But while the parental tone might have calmed Kon down before, nothing short of a hurricane could stop his vengeance now. He speeds forward and grabs Lex by the front of his thousand dollar shirt and drags him over the desk so the man can understand how upset he is. “Something on your mind son?” He asks in a silky sweet voice.

“You used me,” Conner grounds out because he’s so angry he can’t even get beyond that glaringly obvious fact. “You tried to implant my DNA into pregnant women and babies, just so you could see what would happen. 13 people have already died you freaking lunatic.” He shouts because he can’t believe he had allowed himself to think that Luthor of all people might have actually cared for him as a parent. He’d wanted fresh samples for his sick experiments, DNA Conner has unintentionally given him during his visits, left on the chairs, on the windows, on the coffee cup. He was so goddamn needy that he let himself walk into such an obvious trap. No wonder Clark preferred Jon over him.

“Oh my dear Superboy,” Lex croons, “I was just trying to ensure that your, our, legacy lives on. You were the only stable clone I could create, I haven’t been able to replicate the process since despite my efforts. Your DNA is magnificent, I thought maybe implanting it in pliable, growing cells would create a whole new kind of lifeform." Kon growled viciously and spun Lex around to slam his roughly into the wall of his office. The human winced but continued. "Don’t you see what I'm trying to do for you? I’m trying to give you the family you need my boy, the family Superman and his little club can’t provide for you. I’m the only one who truly cares for your interests Kon-El, even if you can’t see it." Conner is just drowning in his anger and rage he doesn’t even realize he’s pulled back one fist to punch when he feels small, steady hands grab onto him.

"Superboy, stop,” Red Robin says sternly. Kon takes the time to register Tim’s racing heart and shortness of breath. He must have raced over here, and for what? To stop him from doing what they should have done years ago? “Kon, this isn’t right, this isn’t what you want.”

“Don’t you dare tell me this murderer doesn’t deserve to have his bones crushed, his brain bashed in a few times. Do you even know what he’s done to those people? What he did to-” and he bites his tongue because, of all people, he doesn’t want Tim to know his shame. That he’d been so pathetic and so desperate, he’d turned to the devil himself for scraps of love. As if saying that Tim’s love hadn’t been enough for him. Tim’s hand moves down from Kon’s clenched fist along his bicep, resting there with care and assurance. Despite his angry, the gesture is comforting and some of the tension leaves his body.

“I know Superboy,” Tim whispers, “I know about your meetings.” Kon’s heart jumps into his throat. “You made a choice not to tell me, so I respected your decision and didn’t interfere but I did keep an eye on Luthor. As far as I could tell, he wasn’t doing anything unreasonable so this is both of our faults, more so me for letting you feel bad enough to seek him out.” Kon feels himself start to shake with the force of his emotion. “Put him down, Batman and I have the evidence to prove that he’s responsible, he’s going to pay for his crimes but you don’t have to lose yourself over him. He’s not worth it, I promise.”

“He, he used me,” Conner chokes out feeling horrifically vulnerable in front of his enemy and his boyfriend. Because he hates the situation and he hates himself for getting into a position where he opened up his weaknesses and feelings only for them to be used against him. “He used me.” He says again more strongly, once again pushing Lex against the wall.

“He did, and he’s using you again because he knows if you hurt him then he can make all sorts of claims and avoid punishment altogether and I know you don’t want that.” No, goddammit. “So put him down and let him walk out the door. The MPD is outside his office, ready to take him in. It’s over Kon.” Still shaking, he releases Luthor and lets him fall gently to his feet. The man has the gall to smirk as he fixes up his suit.

“Thank you Red Robin, I always said you were the sensible one of Batman’s little brood.” But Tim merely turns to Lex with the full force of bat intimidation weighing down on him. Lex has at least 6 inches on him but Tim seems to loom over him anyway.

“Oh I wouldn’t thank me yet. If you aren’t out of this office and in police custody within one minute, I will destroy you and everything you’ve done, everything you’ve built will be gone. I’m sure you’ve talked to your pal Ra’s, you know my threats aren’t empty. If you post bail or try to skip out of your sentence, you will come back to find your empire in ruins.” Despite the rather ominous, and serious knowing Tim, threat, Lex merely snorts.

“You’ve got good taste in men my boy. I look forward to seeing you both soon, please come pay me a visit in prison.” With that, Lex strolls out of the room like a celebrity but Conner can hear him being forcibly apprehended on the other side of the door.

“Conner,” Tim whispers delicately and puts his hands on his wrists, his long fingers lying delicately on top of Kon’s pulse points. “Talk to me.” Kon turns away from Tim, in shame of what he’s done and of all the emotions bubbling within him. It’s stupid, Tim’s right, it’s over so why does he still feel like crying?

“I know you’re upset Kon and it’s okay, you made a mistake and there were consequences but, to be honest, Luthor would have gotten your DNA either way so this couldn’t have been avoided.” One hand come up to gently turn Kon’s head back towards Tim, “and what also can’t be avoided is your feelings.” Conner can’t help but let out a strangled laugh at that.

“You’re one to talk babe,” a small smile appears on Tim’s face.

“I know, but I am trying to be more available and you help me get through all of my fears, let me feel brave enough to open up and tell you about the things bothering me.” Tim brings his other hand up and pulls Conner down until their faces are right next to each other. “The bravest thing you can do right now is to cry, to let all those feelings out because hiding them all and pretending they aren’t there is what cowards like Luthor do. So talk to me, let me help you.”

And Tim’s soft, soothing voice just does him in. Kon wraps his arms around the most important person in his life and drags him closer. He leans his head down onto Tim’s shoulder and let’s himself feel all the ugly emotions inside of him, lets all that guilt and anger and loneliness manifest in the tears that had been building since this fiasco began. Tim hands are stroking his back and whispering comforting little things into his ear. And it’s not the words Tim says that ease Conner’s soul, it’s the way he says them. So loving, warm and inviting, accepting of him despite how badly he messed up this time. So Conner does the brave thing and hugs his best friend closer, letting his grief out and letting himself believe that maybe someday, he could be worthy of a man as good and loving as Timothy Drake.