#til seed
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do girl jeri and boy jerry exist explicitly to torment me
#boy jerry#girl jeri#abstinence camp#just reread my favorite jeri/ry fic im not okay#what the fuck is wrong with them why are they like that. never change 👍#i need to stop provoking jeri/ry thoughts after i'm supposed to be alseep how am i meant to go to bed#when there are fictional characters who are doomed to be apart no matter how much they want to be together. no matter#how inseperable they are#no matter how much they love each other unconditionally. even after they each broke their number one rule#no matter how much theyve forgiven each other (but not really. theres some deep seeded part of them that cant be forgiven)#no matter how close they are to each other. they can only be friends. very close friends#hi have you ever thought about 'the little death' in reference to 'til death do us part'? because i do. i do.#definite's ted talks
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My great-uncle runs grocery stores and he told me about having to close down the one by the university because the students never bought fresh perishable foods there and (though I haven't been a college student these 6 years) I still am very proud of myself whenever my grocery list is just perishables
#today i got kale arugula smoked salmon apple lemon green beans and coconut milk#to be supplemented by chicken pot pie (homemade w homemade broth and chicken fat to make the roux) and butternut squash soup#and chia seed pudding and eggs to feed me for the week#am i like. a healthy eater?? i know i am but the amount of greens i actually want to eat rn is shocking#also hello i'm barely clinging to life and health in the aftermath of 2 trips in 2 weeks but i AM clinging#i am fed i worked out outside i am showing up at work and getting it done#i still have an entire conference paper to write in the next 8 days#and i need to get my car repaired#AND apply for a job (many things have changed in me so fast job-wise#but i can't really post about it til i journal about it but that won't happen for days)#my soul is so full though i got so much physical touch and saw beloved friends and their children#4 parently professors 10 dear friends and 3 children IT WAS THE BEST#and then today i had dinner with my friends here and goofed with the twins so :) all's well :)#i just am on a tight deadline to get my body and life stabilized before next weekend i take another road trip and pms#love you all i hold you dearly i intend to send forth mail. once i'm sane at home again. which may not happen til december#oh! and my copy of deep secret by diana wynne jones came in the mail while i was gone#and! i got to the colorwork part of my sweater and it looks AWESOME
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YES...THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT'S HAPPENING YA DUMB DUMB!!! GOOOOOOO SHINN, FUCK THESE ASSHOLES UP!!! :3
This is exactly why I wouldn't fuck around with this cinnamon roll :D
#gundam#gundam seed#gundam seed freedom#shinn asuka#destiny gundam#he's so cute#he's too cute#too cute for words#too cute#too cute not to share#too cute not allowed#must protecc at all costs#must protect#he must be protected at all costs#i will protect him with my life#i will love him forever#i will love you til the end of time#he's a dork#he's a dumbass#he's such a dork#cinnamon roll#too pure#too precious#he's a cutie#such a cutie
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I should have listened to you, Mrs Hall. You always seem to know what’s best for me.
#this has been haunting me since I watched the xmas special#more gifs to come (I hope!)#look at the way he hopes she will take his hand#as she did last time to comfort him when he was sad#my man you are not subtle#and i love you for it#I love that this episode planted the seeds in Siegfried's mind that he may have certain feelings for Audrey he won't admit to#bring on the PINING bring on the ANGST#it's going to be amazing#how do we wait til next september I wonder#siegfried farnon#audrey hall#siegfried x audrey#acgas spoilers#acgas s3#acgas 2020
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I think I need to start tagging canon crit. "It was just done in a way you don't like." Yes?? Am I not allowed to think the show handled something poorly??
#if you really think that the azazel deal--the demon blood violation that happened to sam as a baby that followed him til he was an adult#that sowed the seeds for him to become a tool of everyone who wanted to destroy him#you think that that being brought up in passing dialogue by dean i.e. not sam#with no narrative escalation or input from sam or mary to one another...#so much of the show and fandom is centered on dean's emotions#but god forbid i wanted an arc about an issue that was literally the main plot in the beginning of the show#and i think it should've centered sam and mary. the people who were impacted by it
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Luck Runs Out from Epic the musical but make it Eruri or, really, just Erwin Smith-focused.
That's it. That's post
#aot#attack on titan#shingeki no kyoujin#snk#erwin smith#eruri#sometimes I hate my inability to make animatics (:#because otherwise I would be making this myself#anyways#the lyrics that really got me thinking :0 that's my manss mr commander erwin smith sir ;#''how much longer 'til we all fall down?' you rely on wit and people die on it''#and ''I can't have you planting seeds of doubt I can't have you disagreeing each route; I need you to always be devout and comply with this#well how about I eat my own fucking hand????#epic#epic the musical
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Dating Christians has its own set of problems but men who have zero relationship with Christ and therefore no *real* reason to be selfless and to look out for your needs and interests and the preservation of your soul is such a huge liability, man.
#my heart is broken for my cousin who invested her prime years in someone who already showed “fruits” of extreme selfishness#and the inability to connect with those around him#asshat waited til they have a house together and pets to pull the “i dont want to be with you anymore”#women: one of the biggest red flags out there is a man who cuts off not only 1 but several family members because of disputes#i understand if you have a parent who is abusive or has substance issues#but if a man is hitting the eject button on blood relationships bc of dumb shit. he will abandon you too#people dont even understand how far reaching their choices and sin are#he has not only ruined my cousins life but now planted a seed of potential hate and resentment and bitterness in the hearts#of all those who love her.
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Last day of the regular season is my mom's birthday and we're going to be at a music festival ALL DAY, no one suffers more than I do
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Finally started hacking away at the overgrown rose bushes and I'm so fucking exhausted and in pain 😭 bitch....
#i wasnt even doing a lot which is what makes me mad bc like i could see if i was doing the bushes yeah id be so tired but man#i wasnt even doing that much 😭 i did fill three lawn bags of clippings though and i hacked away the limbs that grab at the#sidewalk and the sides that grip onto you when you go to get the trash bins but theres still more i could do#i didnt wanna do TOO much but i wanted to make the petite rose bush less tall (its invasive to the area :( didn't learn that til this year#but if we hack away at it every year or so it's fine?? i mean its not like they throw seeds the same way say a maple tree would or like#poison ivy so it's not SPREADING out new plants it's just a monster sgdgdgd) anyway i wanted that to stop being so tall and#make it stop shading the flower boxes but i DID leave the now vacant birds nest covered so maybe another birdy will like it ... next year#sgdgdgdg since i think the major egg laying season is ending/over and most adult birds dont stay in a nest iirc like they find somewhere to#stay but the purpose of a nest is to keep babies in and safe but idk i could be wrong wgdgdggd#ANYWAYS i left that. the plant itself has burrs or whatever like these growths which you cannot completely#remove without just getting rid of the plant and starting over so we just leave it (doesnt seem to be hurting the 7ft spindly giant any)#i should hack away at the top of the 5 petal rose bush (also invasive iirc :( explains it's size sdgdgdgdg) so my garden can have more sun#but we'll see... 👀✂️#i feel like shit though agdgdgdg im tired of feeling like shit man
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balcony things 🖤
#mine#my little troll ass looking plants are doing so well#and my random seed mix is…wild currently#about to bloom tho!#gotta add more flowers and stuff cus there’s humming birds that come around#sunflowers too 🥰#will hold me over til I have a house one day#(lolol maybe when it’s not so damn pricey)#whatevs I’m content with this for now#flowers#plants#also my love for this camera will never die#canon 50D#you’re so special to me#gives me film vibes so hard#I gotta replace her batteries but#might have to drag her along with me more
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we have. done the coils of bahamut finally. don't like how solidly that conversation with louisoix solidifies how much of a manacle hero is to ilya.
#i thought it probably wouldn't happen til like. after the banquet right. BUT IT'S ALREADY THERE that lil seed#with its roots wrapped around his heart#or just a fuckin bear trap he walks into facefirst sometimes#MAN THATS JUST A GUY!!!!!!#ow oof ouchie etc#xiv blogging#ch: ilya
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Havent seen any wips today so im just gonna go ahead and post what i slammed out last night
Tagged last week by @kittiofdoom
Tagging @socially-awkward-skeleton, @adelaidedrubman, @detectivelokis, @baldurrs, @strangefable, @fourlittleseedlings, @confidentandgood, @sstewyhosseini, @purplehairsecretlair , @roofgeese, @funkypoacher, @poetikat, @aceghosts and anyone else with something to share (but also no pressure!)
Here's a fully self indulgent scene from MUCH later on in kneeling at the crossroads where jacob officially falls in love with syb. Brief context is that he found her in a near hypothermic state in the woods and took her back to the closest cabin. this takes place after her body temperature is back up to (mostly) normal
In the few minutes it takes for Jacob to go out to the shed to retrieve more firewood, Sybille has pulled on a set of the cabin’s previous inhabitants clothes and has gone to work raiding their pantry. Between the rabbits Jacob had caught the previous night before he found her shivering on the ground and the mason jars of vegetables she finds in the cupboards, she has enough to make a halfway decent rabbit stew. Throwing on an apron, she clears the counter and begins skinning and gutting the rabbits.
She doesn’t look up from her butchering when Jacob walks back through the door, a stack of chopped and dried wood tucked under his arm. The heavy thuds of his bootsteps stop abruptly and the door clatters shut behind him. “You should be in bed,” is all he says.
She looks up, glaring at him as she rips the fur from a rabbit's body, perhaps a bit more violently than she intends. The tremor in her bones has yet to subside, but she’ll be damned if she sits aside like a helpless waif while Jacob does all the work.
“You ain’t a nurse and I ain’t a child to be taken care of,” she says. Her attention focuses back to the dead animal as she slides a short-bladed poultry knife across its belly, mindful not to pierce the intestines. “B’sides,” she continues, pulling the guts from its abdomen, “if I have to eat another thing straight from a goddamn tin can, I swear to God, Jacob, I will riot.”
For a long moment, the only sound filling the cabin is the squelching as she thoroughly disembowels the animal. Blood and viscera cover her hands, and when she realizes Jacob hasn’t moved from where he stands, rooted by the front door, she clenches her jaw and glares at him once more.
And just for a moment, the sharpness to her gaze falters. The way he’s looking at her isn’t one she’s seen before. Hunger, lust, anger -- she’s seen all sorts of dark and sordid things burning in his eyes during her many, but brief, encounters with him. But what swims behind that unwavering glacial stare is beyond her comprehension. Were it worn by anyone else, she might have called it gentle or soft.
But Jacob Seed is not a soft or gentle man. She’s fucked him and walked away with bruises and an ache in her hips often enough to know.
Her canines flash dangerously. “You got somethin’ to say?” she snaps.
“No,” he says shortly, and he turns away, moving towards the fireplace with stilted steps. She scoffs and rolls her eyes, but she can’t help but notice the way the tips of his ears glow a bright pink.
It must still be cold outside.
He restokes the fire, and she’s grateful for the heat that quickly blossoms through the living space and kitchen. The chill had returned to her fingers, but as the fire warms and as she kicks on the gas stove to begin cooking, the trembling subsides. She throws butter into a cast iron skillet to brown the meat while sautee-ing a medley of vegetables in even more butter in an old and well loved Dutch Oven. The wafting aroma of garlic, onions, and cooking meat swirls around the cabin, and while her stomach growls loudly, for the first time in weeks, she’s actually excited for her next meal.
Even more so when she finds fresh thyme growing in the window box above the sink.
She busies herself, cleaning as she goes to keep the mess to a minimum and giving the pot the occasional stir after she’s dumped all the ingredients into the stock. All the while, she hums old French songs from the records her maman used to play.
Things feel…normal. Like if she closes her eyes, she can pretend she’s back in that little house in Falls End and it’s her brother sitting on the couch. He would come up behind her and sneak a bite. She’d whack him on the hand with the wooden spoon, but then they’d both laugh -- Dear God, when was the last time she laughed?
But that little nagging voice -- the one that won’t let her have nice things; the one that keeps her alive -- reminds her that things aren’t normal. The man sitting on the couch isn’t her brother. The man sitting on the couch has repeatedly hurt her and the ones she’s sworn to protect. She wipes her hands on her apron and looks at him, just barely making eye contact before he swiftly averts his gaze to stare at fire dancing on the logs.
Things aren’t normal. Things aren’t ever going to be normal again.
But maybe…maybe here in a cabin tucked away from the rest of the world, she can pretend for just a while longer.
She gives the pot another stir, testing its thickness. It’s a little on the watery side, but well within an acceptable range for something nice and hearty. Bringing the spoon to her lips, she gives it a taste as well. Her eyes roll back into her skull and the moan she lets out is embarrassingly orgasmic. Jesus Christ, it’s been so long since she’s had a hot meal.
And then, without thinking, she calls Jacob over. “Hey,” she yells over her shoulder. “Get your ass over here.”
There’s a beat of hesitation before there’s the sound of a body lifting off a leather couch. Jacob awkwardly ambles into the kitchen, coming to stand on the other side of the island counter.
Choosing to ignore the strange distance he left between them, she dips the spoon into the pot, scooping up some stew before holding it out to him. A ritual leftover from her life before the Reaping. One inherited from her maman. “Here,” she says. “Tell me what you think.”
He stares at it, steam rising up from the chunks of meat and carrot. Then, his eyes flick to hers, meeting them with an equal intensity.
She scoffs. “I ain’t poisonin’ you, if that’s what you’re worryin’ about. You know I’d stab you in your front.” She pushes the spoon closer towards him. “C’mon.”
Slowly, he circles around the counter and stands in front of her. His eyes dart between the spoon and her face just for a moment before he’s tentatively brushing his fingers over her hand where it grips the handle. Rough calluses drag against the comparatively softer skin of the back of her hand leaving sparks in its wake. Her breathing hitches and heart flutters peculiarly -- fear instinct, she tells herself; he could so easily break her wrist if he wanted.
But he doesn’t.
His hand settles over hers, dwarfing it completely. Nice and warm, like it belongs there. He leans down, eyes falling shut as he brings his mouth to the spoon’s bowl. She never noticed how long his eyelashes were. His lips smack wetly against the wood and she holds her breath as he draws back. His eyes remain closed as he chews, thoughtfully savoring every single flavor he possibly can.
Her heart thuds in her chest and she’s sure he can feel it where he holds her hand. She looks at him expectantly and when he finally swallows and opens his eyes, that strange look he had given her before is back.
“Well?” she asks, swallowing thickly.
“It’s, uh…” he coughs awkwardly and snatches his hand away. “It’s good.”
Sybille lifts her brows. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he grunts.
That breath she’d been holding releases, but her heartbeat has yet to slow. “Good,” she says, turning away, submerging the spoon back into the stew and hiding the flush crawling up her neck. “Because you’re helping me eat it. And if you add salt or pepper, I will be offended.” She gives him a quick glance from the corner of her eye, finding him looking adorably uncomfortable. “I’m kidding.”
Her lips quirk up. “Mostly.”
#r: define your meaning of war#fic: kneeling at the crossroads#anyway....please know jacob finally falling for syb when he sees her do uh...'woman's work' /is/ intentional#like yeah until this point she’s a good fuck and can take/likes it when he gets rough#but here he sees 'good wife' behavior and that made his brain short circuit#wip wednesday#this'll get rewritten im sure but i stayed up til midnight last night writing it so its what you're getting today#i just desperately needed to exorcise it from my brain. hopefully i can get back to writing ch. 1 tonight#also shh there's some symbolism re syb as a rabbit and her feeding him rabbit stew#something something love as consumption yadda yadda yadda idk#its there and ill figure it out later#also this is rough i know i hammered it out within like 3 hrs without polishing#anyway jacob seed is sexist 2023
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Seeded collards and kale today yay yay yay woohoo yay yippee etc 🎉🎊🍾🥳👏🍾🎊🎊🎉🎉
#soooooooo excited#collards are a profoundly underrated garden plant!#obviously not THAT underrated but in my circles ppl mostly do kale#but collards are soooooo much better and more resilient in my opinion#like they’re obviously an important heritage plant to southern subcultures but the plebs all around me are schewpid#myself included#I didn’t grow them til I moved here and someone gave me the seeds and I did it as an afterthought and now they’re a staple of my diet LOL
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i finished making my gear build for inkbrush yesterday.... i think i found my favorite weapon to play.... is this how you become a brush main
#sammy liveblogs about spoon3#splatoon 3#sammy be quiet#sammy no#look i put swim speed on the shoes bc i use them for other weapons#and if i'm having too good a game with lots of kills more respawn up isn't helping me#tbh i dont like the jacket but i just naturally got the swim speed on that one#i am gunna try to put it on a different shirt#but the one i have in mind...#well if i want to do it with no chunks... i have to advance it 37 times.....#and aside from that i don't have have swim speed drinks right now#so even if i want to advance zero times by chunking twice i drinking once i have to wait til i get a drink#seed checker says i will get one from big run so tomorrow evening i should have that#but i would also need like 17 more chunks to chunk twice lol#and i kinda want to just wait til i get a couple more two put ninja squid another another shirt i like#so i can use it with a different weapon build#but ninja squid also requires run speed up chunks and i have 25 of them rn#but i want to save up to 45 bc i think that's what i want to put as the main on my nautilus 47 gear build#changing the main ability on the shirt in the only thing i need to adjust on that one#the gear build on that rn is main: rsu + spu (needs to be changed) + sj#sub: rsu + qsj + ia + ssu x 6#i know the nautilus 47 doesn't need as much run speed up as other splatlings bc it can store its charge and swim#but idk what else i really want to put there and sub power up is really a waist as a main when my sub is sensor and i'm not using it#i use point sensor like a nut when i play nova bc revealing the enemy and being back up fire is basically the entire point of nova#but there's not really a point for me to have gear that extends the length of point sensor if i'm rarely using it#i guess maybe thermal ink but idk#nautilus has decent accuracy and a player getting hit or hit by a stray and getting out of my sight doesn't happen all that often#or at least enough for me to think thermal ink is justified over something else#if i got rich in ssu i'd do that over rsu but i need it for other gear and god
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oh yeah i gotta update all the mods in my mods folder. hm.
#simoleon#its getting late.#i might make a sim lets find out#sure as hell not getting to anything seed save related til tomorrow at LEAST
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#the fatigue has been so bad this week#eating?#unappealing#too much work#sitting up?#literally watching the minutes (even tho i have hours left) til i can sit down without getting deconditioned#work?#i'm showing up and doing my people-facing tasks#but almost no admin#trying to figure out if i can leave my house both saturday and sunday or if i need to take one day completely off 😔#BUT#and this is both a glorious thing#and the thing that is making this so distressing#i am almost kind of mentally-awake-ish#i can scroll tumblr#i am awake enough that i am bored#i don't want to talk verbally (exhausting) but little bursts of texting are kind of okay#its a horrible mix of a flare + those seeds of progress that actually make things more upseting bc u have enough resources to be distressed#but that might actually be itself a sign of progress?#project be upright for 10-15 hours a day#chronic illness#i am so tired#i am also so tired of pretending to not be disabled to make well people feel better
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