#thx for the question! it helped organize my thoughts

[itsmealaiahh]

"Much Needed Release"

TW: tom being pussymuncher69, pussy eating, clit stimulation, minor profanity, some angst in the beginning, head (fem rec obviously), praise, some overstimulation, somnophilia

Request: older Tom X younger petite reader. reader had a bad day and Tom was tired of hearing abt how bad she was being treated. when r (reader) went upstairs for a nap, Tom woke her up with his face in between her thighs. He makes r cum A TON! Yea. Thx baeee!

IM ACK 😚😚`😚😚😦😦😦 NON T DEAD

Rating: under 15 dni!! explicit situations lie ahead!!

"I hate weekdays"

You complained to tom the minute you walked through the door, tired and spent from the hellish day you had just went through. It just wouldn't stop! The terrible treatment from certain co-workers, and even your boss was unbearable, to say the least.

Each day, you always came home, your mood miserable, and tom wanted to fix it. He was honestly getting a little bit annoyed at how every day at your officeplace was going. Why were your co-workers so rude towards you? Hell, why was even your boss so rude? He was sure you hadn't done anything to warrant the treatment. You were sweeter than anyone he had ever met, and it took a lot to get you angry or upset.

He wanted to help you out and give you a break from the tough week, but how so? You would surely fall asleep during a movie or an activity where you both just sat on the couch together, so how could he possibly help? He didn't notice you were no longer in the living room until he snapped out of his thoughts, and he knew you were taking a nap. He could try to..no.

That would be wrong, and quite frankly, disgusting, unless...

Tom made his way to the bedroom, seeing you napping on his pillow, your body covered by the duvet. Quietly closing the door behind him, he padded over to the mattress where you slept, picking the covers off. His eyes widened just a bit at seeing your underwear the only thing that you were wearing, and his cock twitched in his pants, slowing coming to life. His lips parted a bit, his tongue swiping over his bottom one as he gazed over your sleeping frame, drinking you in fully.

The more he looked, the more turned on he became, his member now straining almost painfully against the restraint of his pants. He pulled the covers over himself, stripping you of your remaining clothes, throwing them to the side; your precious cunt now exposed.

He groaned a little at the sight, placing a gentle lick on your clit before delving into your pussy. His hands held your hips down as you squirmed every now and then in your sleep, letting out little whines as well. He closed his eyes, lapping up and down your core, ravishing your taste on his tongue.

"so fucking sweet" he murmured, his tongue flicking up and down your little bud occasionally, working wonders on you. More moans and other small noises escaped you, slowly coming to from your sleep. Tom didn't see your eyes opening up as he continued to bury his face into your pussy, now sucking tastefully on your clit. You let out a loud moan, your vision no longer blurry. Your legs wrapped around tom's head, squeezing just a bit. You didn't have any time to adjust, your body overcome with pleasure.

Breathing in slowly, you met eyes with tom, who looked up at you with a grin, his beard glistening with your juices. "w-what are you doing?" You questioned, pulling yourself upright with your elbows. "Well" he started, giving another small lick to your core, before going back to speaking. "You had a rough day, so I wanted to make it better. Just sit and relax and let me please you, okay baby? I'll make it worth your while"

You laid back down with a sigh, enjoying the feeling of tom's tongue lapping insistently at your pussy. The tongue was a very wet and strong organ, and having tom's on your core? Fucking heaven. Your legs squeezed his head again, not too rough to cut off air supply, just enough to let him know how good you were feeling. "You like that baby? My tongue on this pretty little pussy?" He smirked. You nodded, giving another small whimper. Your hips bucked up against his mouth, already giving way to your orgasm. "To-tom"

Many, many, many, delicious orgasms later, and now you and tom were snuggled up together in bed, his hand stroking your hair softly. After being so spent from simply his tongue, he was calming you down and letting you go back to sleep, no more tricks up his sleeve for the rest of the night. He was going to let you get some much needed rest, and he'd try to convince you to stay home tomorrow so you could regroup and hopefully ease up from all of the tension your work was putting on you. But that was for tomorrow, right now, it was just about you and him, snuggled up together, happy and content.

also sorry jordan if this isn't what you wanted pookie lmk if you want some diff and i'll try to fix it 😋😋😋

[the-laughing-lunatic]

Mediscout cute headcanons!!!

(Omg yea I love these guys so much, def one of my main ships. I also rlly like their dynamic in emesis blue but y’know, not very cute. I have a lot of thoughts about these guys so I accidentally made this really long— word count: 1714. Thx for requesting! :3)

Medic x Scout headcanons!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

☆Platonic☆

Scout’s definitely scared of Medic at first 

I mean, when your coworker mentions plans about putting a baboon uterus inside you you’re gonna be a little on edge

Avoids checkups for so long Medic has to find him and drag Scout himself to the medbay

“Sheiße, you are acting like a little child right now, it is not such a big deal Herr Scout. I am simply going to check a few things.”

“Well I’m sorry if I ain’t too thrilled to have some psycho puttin’ needles or animal parts or whatever in me.”

Medic groaned. “I just need to check your temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure. Now can you please shut your mouth and let me work?”

While he took Scout’s heart rate, both annoyed, Archimedes flew to Scout’s shoulder and nuzzled into the man’s neck

After the checkup Medic sighed and ushered his dove over. “Him? Really Archimedes?” 

The dove cooed. “Well then, I trust your judgement, I suppose I’ll try to be nicer to him.”

After that he did try to be kinder to Scout, staying around him more, listening to what he’s saying at dinner, looking through his room to learn more about him—

That’s not how Scout interpreted it though, and one day when Medic was trailing a little too close to him again he just snapped “Will you fuckin’ cut it out!?”

“Cut what out?”

“This- this weird stalkerish thing you’re doing. What, you makin’ fun of me? You gonna take my organs in the middle of the night? What do you want?”

“Oh. I was trying to be nicer to you. I could stop if you want.”

“If you wanna be nice you could try talkin’ to me for once.”

And Medic did

Both of them are absolute yappers, and Scout quickly got more comfortable with Medic as they talked more

He’ll never forget the first time he saw Medic laugh

Like, genuinely laugh

He’d seen Medic laugh many times before, either on the operating table or during battle but it was always just…scary

When he actually laughed Scout couldn’t help but laugh as well, because Medic’s real laugh was so different of what he had thought of him

It was warm and nice, and suddenly Medic wasn’t just this psycho ex-doctor, he was also his friend

When they go out for drinks Medic often has to carry Scout back to the base because of his incredibly low alcohol tolerance (not that it’s hard though)

Medic would teach Scout how to take care of his birds in the case he was especially busy, Scout’s their godfather now

I feel like they’d also work well in a qpr, though Medic would have to help Scout a little since he’s been comfortable with his asexuality for longer and has probably been in one before

I headcanon them as both on the ace spectrum so I’m gonna delve into that a bit

I feel like Scout is graysexual while Medic is completely sex-repulsed

Scout honestly would’ve thought he was allosexual for the rest of his life until he heard Medic talking about how being ace felt for him

And he was like “huh, I relate to some of that”

Scout definitely has a lot of questions though

“So like- what’s romantic? Cus I don’t wanna take this too far, but you’re my cucumber, or squash— whatever the word is an’ I wanna show that I care about ya.”

“It’s zucchini, Jeremy. And the point of being in a queerplatonic relationship is that we get to make our own rules for what works for us. All you have to do is ask me if you want to try something.”

“Oh, um, well then. Is it okay if I kiss your cheek, doc?”

“Yes, Jeremy, it’s very okay.”

♡

Biggest dorks ever btw

Just so you know

☆Romantic☆

Medic would fall in love (or realize it at least) over something trivial

Accidentally brushing hands, a word of praise after a battle that made Medic especially appreciated, Scout falling asleep on his shoulder at movie night, etc.

It was weird, because Scout was almost the opposite of his type, he was loud, arrogant, and less than intelligent, but he accepted Scout as the outlier

Even though Medic fell first he didn’t initiate it

Though his moral compass was less than straight when it came to advancing the field of medicine, it felt weird to be the one starting anything with a guy nearly 20 years younger than him

He even performed a brain scan on Scout just to double-check his brain was fully developed (surprisingly, it was) so he could feel less weird about his crush

For a long time he just thought of it as an enjoyable distraction, not anything that could go anywhere

Scout liked Ms. Pauling, and Medic was fine with it. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to date Scout, he just liked the idea of a relationship, and Scout was an attractive man he could project those wants onto.

At least that’s how he reasoned it to himself

The giddy laugh Medic couldn’t help but let out every time he saw him, the way he always made sure to be gentler when he gave Scout his shots, how a Boston accent now equaled attractive in his mind (that didn’t come from Scout though, that’d be ridiculous)

With Scout though, his moment of realization was much less trivial

He was at four health a minute away from the end of the match, desperately trying to keep the blood from the bullet wound in so he wouldn’t have to go to respawn

Getting in respawn at the end of a match was miserable, because you might get stuck in there for hours after so everyone tried to avoid it at all costs

Scout’s eyes widened as he watched his health drop to three, no dispenser in sight

He closed his eyes and mentally prepared himself for sitting in the cold room for god know how long, until he saw a light above him

Holding his medigun, Medic stood above him, and the red glow surrounding him as he healed him made him almost look like an angel, his saviour

A psychotic angel, but an angel nonetheless

He felt Medic grab him by his collar (at what point did his knees go weak?) and say to him “Get up schweinhund, and fight.”

They won the match, at least that’s what Scout heard, he didn’t remember anything after Medic saved him

His entire body was on autopilot until the time he went to bed, when he had all night to think about how he was definitely attracted to guys

He definitely had a type though, regardless of gender

Glasses, dark hair, smarter and more mature than him (though that was a low bar), an itty bitty bit psychotic and have huge honkers— (jk jk jk) 

Scout starts coming to the medbay for the tiniest things now so he can see Medic more

“Medic, I got a splinter” “Medic, my elbow’s sore” “Medic, I have a major crush on you and don’t know what to do with it”

After a bit of this, Scout just gave up excuses, Medic didn’t seem to mind his company

It became routine, after dinner Scout’d follow him to the medbay and talk with him while  Medic filled out paperwork, occasionally giving a nod or short question to let Scout know he was still listening

One night though, Scout didn’t follow him back

Medic was disappointed, he had gotten rather fond of his chatter, but shrugged it off as Scout being tired

After a few minutes of paperwork, there was a knock at the door

He opened it to see a very nervous Scout holding a bouquet of roses

“H- hey doc! Um, y’know, we’ve been hangin’ out for a while, I really like you, and I hope you at least like me a little, so, uh, wanna go on a date sometime? Please?”

Medic just stands there for a solid bit before taking the flowers and smiling. “I’d love to.”

Scout takes him to a nice restaurant (that was definitely his idea and not Spy’s) and pays the bill for the both of them, which was substantial because Medic has a taste for the most expensive things on the menu

And Scout is a hella picky eater

“So like, can I have the steak, but - and stay with me here - you grind it up, grill it, cut one of the rolls in half and add the steak, along with fuckin’ ketchup, mustard, lettuce, pickles—”

“Sir, are you describing a burger to me?”

“...yeah?”

“It’s on the kids menu.”

“Oh. Sweet, then can I have that?”

After the date Medic lets Scout kiss him

They suck I hate them so much I don’t think about them all the time (lying)

Nicknames Scout calls Medic: Doc, Angel, Angelcakes, Babe

Nicknames Medic calls Scout: Hase, Schatz, Liebling, Dear

On the battlefield Scout’s constantly by Medic

“Hey Angelcakes, check this out!” “Didja see that? Didja see that?”

If they have to be separated any time Scout sees him he’ll give Medic a kiss

“Hase you’re at ten health, can you please stop trying to kiss me for a second so I can heal you?” 

“Ugh, fine.”

After he’s done Medic gives Scout a kiss. “Thank you, on your way.”

Clingy ass motherfuckers

Scout’s way more obvious with it than medic though

Medic hardly even has to do anything, they’ll just be talking and Scout’ll notice half-way in the conversation that he’s cuddled up in Medic’s arms

Scout often sits in Medic’s lap as he works, rambling on about some comic he read or whatever.

After a few months of dating Medic only sleeps in Scout’s room

It feels more homey than his, which he admittedly already slept in very little due to his unfortunate habit of passing out at his desk

Nights often consist of Scout cuddled into Medic’s chest while Medic reads aloud to the both of them

(real talk reading together is such an underrated couple activity can we talk about this—)

“ —alright, that’s the end of the chapter. Liebling, are you asleep?”

“Nah, just relaxed. Love you angel.”

“I love you too Jeremy, Goodnight.”

They are the biggest saps ever and I will stand by this until the day I die

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

[ruinationz]

ao3 suspended my FUCKING account until like 10 DAYS after the tadc pilot releases :sob:...all over some stupid request posts...anyways read my writing

wowzers i wanted to write pomni x caine but made it edgy. eek! the personal traumas the humans have!!!

thx you @bambi-on-the-ps3 for the help again

(again, like on the starstruck fic i'll probably like explode you if you say gross things about this ship.)

desc from ao3:

the amazing digital circus? the amazing digital GAY.

(or: pomni loves caine, and caine loves pomni! absolutely none of pomni's unresolved past traumas from the real world are here to rain on their relationship parade, right?)

(...right?)

ok i srsly need to set these things up better uh UNDER THE CUT! WRITING:

Caine, you're being followed by the ghost of what you can't absolve.

Say, you wanna go somewhere?

So does she. Her ghost.

But she's not dead, no. She's just going through hard times.

You wanna know 'why?',

But lately...Something's hanging off of your tongue.

"...MAY I ASK YOU A QUESTION, MY DEAR?"

After what had seemed like an eternity of mustering up the courage to do so, Caine had finally managed to get a hold of Pomni just as the troupe was settling down from another one of the circus's many performances.

A soft, confused hum came from the jester in response to the words he stumbled out, almost as if she hadn't expected to be asked anything at all that night as her gaze met the ringleader's own.

"S-Sure, what do you need...?" She replied, the corners of her mouth turning up into that usual timid smile that nearly made his heart melt in his chest.

The ringleader hesitated for a moment, wringing the staff in his hand as he took the time to gather his words together, before looking Pomni in the eyes and asking:

"...IS...IS ANYTHING...WRONG, MY DEAR?"

The eager curiosity in Pomni's eyes dulled into realization, and Caine watched the jester cast her gaze to the floor as the smile faded from her face, an uneasy silence filling the room.

...

"...It...It's nothing, Caine. I'm okay, really." She finally muttered a reply after a second or two, a hint of defensiveness creeping into her tone as she bit her bottom lip and continued to look away from him.

He would have frowned at her response if he was physically able to.

'It's nothing'? Oh, don't play these games, my dear...

Pomni, please, just let me help you...

I know that there's been something upsetting you. All I want you to be is happy...

Why is she hiding all of this from me? What else does she have hidden? Have I not been doing enough? How long will she keep this up for? For goodness' sake, I'd rather see her upset than acting like this...!

...

...No, that's a nasty thought, and you know it.

Focus, Caine. Just continue to be there for her.

...

...Is it me who's been bothering her?...

No, it can't be me. All I need to do is let Pomni know that it's alright to talk to me. That I'm always available to be her shoulder to cry on. That she can be vulnerable with me.

...

...Just as I have been vulnerable with her...

Pomni...I want to help you...

I really do...

He gave a sigh as he closed his eyes and shook his head, loosening the grip on his staff.

...Perhaps it would be best to not pressure her into it.

...

"...I-I'm sorry if I...w-worried you-"

"NO, NO, NO! NOT AT ALL!" Caine's thoughts came to a halt as he quickly snapped his head up to reassure Pomni, waving his hands back and forth.

"PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T FEEL BAD, MY DEAR...IT'S FINE, IT TRULY IS."

"...YOU KNOW..." He began to change the topic, switching his staff to his left hand as he reached out to gently place the other on the side of Pomni's face.

"WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME UNTIL THE NEXT ACT, SO...WHY NOT DO SOMETHING NICE TOGETHER?"

He tilted his head to the side, narrowing his eyes in an expression that made up for his inability to properly smile. "YOU KNOW, TO CHEER YOU UP?"

...

Pomni's worried expression seemed to soften as a smile returned to her face, and Caine felt the temperature of the jester's face grow ever so slightly warmer as she reached her own hand up to rest it on his.

"...Yeah...We could do that."

[thefudge]

Thoughts on Roman and Logan conversation about Gerri and Logans ageism? Also, do you think Shiv overplayed her hand in the situation? Despite Logan agreeing with her, it was so obvious he knew she was trying to play him.

logan was a huge fucking hypocrite; i think someone in the tags mentioned the fact that he never once asked connor how old willa was, so this is some tired bullshit. but i think his convo with kendall hovered like a shadow over this scene because roman, the son who seems to want to be like him the most, who seems to truly worship the ground he walks, that roman turns out to be attracted to a much older woman and *gasp* not as some kind of demeaning joke. logan gave him an out when he implied that roman was just fucking around, trying to humiliate gerri, but he didn't take it. not to mention, he was vehemently against firing gerri over this. so, roman doesn't want to be and can't fill in logan's shoes, after all. and in light of what kendall said ("i don't want to be you"), this has to prick logan's ego. what truly disturbs him, imo, is not so much the age difference or the dick pic, but that the whole thing is genuine. that's why he keeps asking if roman's sick, if this is a game, because he can't wrap his mind around these unconventional and genuine connections between people. that's why he asks kendall if he's "queer". i don't think he's just an old homophobe. i think any sign of vulnerability and caring deeply upsets him, especially when it takes place outside of his purview (him telling roman he wants to know everything that goes on in the company is...telling).

i also have a sneaking suspicion logan slept with gerri at least once when they were younger and this whole thing fucks him up on a deeper level. roman isn't allowed to like "old gerri" who can no longer be fucked by logan.

as for shiv, i think she overplayed her hand with gerri, who can sniff her out and prepare her moves before shiv has time to form an attack. but logan might've been persuaded. yes, he probably suspects shiv was doing this for her own gains, but again, logan's ego has been slightly bruised because of the whole "my sons aren't me and don't want to be me" situation, so at least his daughter is acting like him? if shiv had started to defend roman and say, hey they're both adults, gerri is still smoking hot, logan would've blown up on her and called her sick. he's happy that shiv is using this against roman because, to his mind, it means that at least one of the kids is "all right". because yes, in logan's world, that is normalcy

[selfignitingimagines]

Liam- Badass

A/N: This one has been in my ask box for a really long time, but I hope you guys enjoy it! I’ve been rewatching season 6, and Liam has grown on me a lot as a character!

Request:  Hi can you plz do a review where (based in season 6 episode 14 where everyone Is judging Liam and all that) and the reader is trying to be nice to him and be his friend when no one else will but Nolan has a crush on her and that is another reason he wants Liam to change so she can she the “monster” he is thx❤️❤️😘

“Find anything interesting?”

You jumped. The voice had startled you as it came from behind a library shelf. When you turned, a pair of blue eyes caught yours through an empty space between books.

“Sorry,” Nolan Holloway apologized, smiling sheepishly as he came around to your aisle. “I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

“It’s fine,” you told him. “I was just trying to find another copy of the bio textbook for Liam. He forgot his.”

Nolan glanced back toward the collection of tables in the middle of the school library. One was occupied by Liam, Mason and Corey, with a single empty seat waiting for you. 

“Study group?” he asked. 

“Sort of,” you told him. “It was kind of spontaneous.”

He nodded. “You know, I don’t really get why you hang out with those guys. Mason and Corey, I sort of understand, but Liam? He just seems like he’s hiding something.”

You raised your eyebrows. It wasn’t the first time someone had questioned your friendship with Liam because of his temper, but Nolan seemed to be talking about something else entirely.  “What do you mean?”

“You have to notice all the weird stuff that goes on around here, right?” 

“I think everyone does.”

“Yeah, so haven’t you noticed that they’re always at the center of it all?”

“Not really, no,” you told him. “You sure you’re not imagining things? The bio exam is coming up and I don’t think anyone is getting much sleep…”

You trailed off as you noticed he was still staring at your friends. You were about to just back up and leave when he turned to you. 

“I’m not sleep-deprived. I just pay attention. I pay attention to you too, you know.”

He had this strange, intense look in his eyes, and you were suddenly uncomfortable.

“Okay,” you agreed, struggling to keep a polite smile on your face. “Well, I’ve gotta get back to studying so…”

You trailed off and turned, quickly walking back to your table. 

“There aren’t any more books,” you told Liam.

“That’s fine. We can just share...hey, are you okay?”

Liam had seen Nolan getting a little too close to you over by the bookshelves. He knew he had a tendency to be a little overprotective, and, as Mason had also pointed out, a little too jealous. Maybe he didn’t have a right to be, but there were many times that he couldn’t help it. He had heard the way the other lacrosse players talked about you in the locker room. 

Nolan himself had said a few disgusting things when he didn’t think Liam had heard him. Though he couldn’t confront his teammate outright, he made sure to check him extra hard at practice. 

Maybe that was why he had been so suspicious as he watched Nolan breathe down your neck while you searched for an extra textbook. Maybe it also had something to do with how much Liam cared for you, and the fact that Nolan seemed to be up to something worse than getting into your pants. 

You nodded as you sat down at the table. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just...I don’t know. Do you ever get the feeling like something bad is about to happen?”

Corey and Mason shared a concerned look, but Liam tilted his head. 

“Like what? We might fail the test? Cause I don’t think I need a feeling to tell me that.”

“Shut up,” you complained, feeling the worry roll off your shoulders. “We’re going to make sure you don’t.”

You scooted your chair closer to him and opened up the textbook you had left on the table. “Let’s start with Chapter Nine.”

He leaned in to read next to you and flashed you a grateful smile. You were just about to turn the page when a couple of books slammed onto the table. You flinched at the noise, instinctively moving closer to Liam. 

Nolan was standing at the edge of the table, smiling at the four of you. “Hey guys.”

“Hey, Nolan,” Mason said politely.

“Mind if I sit?” Nolan asked. 

Liam opened his mouth to protest, but Nolan was already pulling a fifth chair up to the table.

Corey glanced over and met your eyes. He had seen you talking to Nolan in the stacks, and by the way his eyebrows were raised you knew he was wondering if you had invited him over. You shook your head.

Mason cleared his throat. “Studying for the bio test?”

“Trying,” Nolan said with a strange grin, sitting down next to you. “Trying to understand how organisms evolve and change.”

“I don’t think this is on the test,” Corey said hesitantly.

Nolan’s lips twitched, and he clicked the pen in his hands, over and over. He glanced around the table. “Do you think DNA changes?”

“If it’s damaged,” Mason told him. 

“I wonder if any of us have changed,” Nolan wondered aloud. “And if we did...would there be any way to tell?”

“Like a DNA test?”.

Nolan smiled as he turned the pen over in his hands. “I was thinking a different type of test.” 

Liam stood up suddenly. 

“You know what, Nolan? This is a private study group. Get lost.”

Nolan nodded, seeming to understand. He pushed himself up from the table, flashing you a warm smile. For a second, it seemed like he was going to leave. Then, looking right into your eyes, he stabbed his pen into Corey’s hand.

You let out a shriek, and Corey cried out as blood splashed onto the table. Now it was glistening on the wood and your textbook.

“What the hell is your problem?” Mason demanded, but Nolan wasn’t phased. 

He reached forward, jerking Corey’s hand up and holding it high for everyone in the library to see. The hole that should have been there was gone, like it had completely healed. 

“Look at him!” he snarled at you. “Look at him!”

The entire library was staring. Kids looked up from their textbooks and phones to find a sight that confused and terrified them. What they didn’t know, and what you didn’t know, was that this was only the beginning.

In seconds, Liam had shoved Nolan off of Corey, knocking him to the floor of the library. “Get the hell away from us. Now.”

Nolan glared at Liam, shoving himself up from the ground. He snatched his books from the table and glanced toward you. “See what I’m talking about?”

Then he stormed off, shoving the library doors open and disappearing into the darkened hallway. 

When you looked back, Corey, Liam, and Mason were all eyeing you carefully, as if you were an animal that might bite. You glanced at Corey’s completely healed hand, and you made a decision that would define everything that came after that night. 

“Nolan is nuts,” you said firmly. “Let’s go study at my house.”

Their shoulders seemed to slump in relief, and Liam reached out to squeeze your hand.

You met his baby blue eyes, and a look of understanding passed between the two of you. What you had seen didn’t matter. These were your friends, and nothing could scare you away from them.

-----

It only took a few days for things to escalate to the unthinkable. Suddenly everyone was afraid of your friends.

You didn’t understand it. There had only been about ten other people in the library that night. Word shouldn’t have traveled that fast, and even if it had, what was there to be afraid of?

If Corey could suddenly heal from his injuries, that should have been a miracle. Unfortunately, not everyone thought that. 

When the three of you had walked into school that Monday, all people had done was stare or shy away from you and your friends. You couldn’t hear the whispers, but Liam seemed to be able to. He looked pained as you stood in front of your lockers. 

“Just block it out,” Mason assured him.

“They know,” Liam whispered nervously.

“It’s just rumors. They don’t know anything.”

You looked between the two of them. You didn’t know anything either, but you could at least tell that Liam and Corey were different. For some people, that was enough to be upset about.

Before you could interject, someone else did.

“They know everything,” Corey told them, coming up from the hallway behind you. “Two sophomores on the lacrosse team were there last night.”

Mason shook his head, still trying to convince Liam, and maybe himself, that things were okay. “Yeah, but it was late. It was pitch-black out, and there was fog on the road.”

Corey frowned. “It was a clear night, a full moon, and a well lit intersection.”

“Look, I have to get out of here,” Liam hissed. 

“No,” Mason insisted. “If you leave, these rumors never stop. You gotta just convince them that you’re a regular kid.”

“I’m not a regular kid.”

You blinked, looking between them. “Wait, what happened last night?”

The three of them shared a glance. No one said anything. 

“Look, you can tell me. I already saw what happened in the library. I don’t care.”

Liam and Corey hesitated, but Mason spoke up. “Okay, I’ll tell you.”

“Mason,” Corey hissed. 

“Come on, she already has all the pieces. She just hasn’t put them together yet. It’s safer for her to know the whole story.”

Corey didn’t look convinced. He was eyeing you carefully with his arms crossed over his chest. Defensive. 

“You’re right,” Liam told Mason, but when you looked into his eyes, he looked scared.

“Can you come with us?” Mason asked you.

You nodded and they led you away from the main hallway. You followed them into a quiet chemistry lab, where they locked the door behind them. There, they explained everything. 

Finding out that Liam and Corey were both supernatural creatures was a lot to take in. If there was nothing else going on, you might have needed more time to process everything. However, the news that a group of werewolf hunters was targeting and killing your friends seemed to override the shock. 

They explained that wasn’t their only problem, because after Liam had shifted in front of half the town last night, everyone, including the kids at your high school, seemed to know that he wasn’t human. 

“So,” you finally said. “What do we do?”

“Good question,” Liam said. “Cause I have no idea.”

“Remember what Scott said?” Mason asked him. 

Scott was the assistant coach for the lacrosse team, but he was only a couple years older than you. He hung out with you guys a lot, and he always seemed like a sweet, caring guy. You guessed he was probably in on the secret too. 

“He said ‘Be like Clark Kent’.”

Liam looked exasperated. “Clark Kent turns into a guy with a red and blue outfit and a cape. I turn into a monster with claws and fangs.”

“Then just get through the day without shifting,” Corey told him.

“Liam,” Mason said softly. “People are saying that Brett and Lori died in a car accident. We know the truth. They didn’t just die.”

You sucked in a breath. “They were murdered?”

Liam’s face softened. “The people who are after us are dangerous, Y/n. They’ll kill us, and anyone else that gets in the way. That means you too.”

“I don’t care,” you insisted. “You guys are my best friends. I’m not just gonna run and hide, especially if I can help.”

You reached out to grab his hand and squeeze it. His lips turned up at the corners, if only for a moment. 

“Then you’re with us now.”

You all agreed that Liam would try to keep cool. The rest of you would try to listen out for anything that might suggest someone was coming after him. Mason and Corey left the chemistry lab to head to their first period classes, leaving you and Liam alone together. 

You were both supposed to head to your own classes, but you lingered for a moment. 

“So...you’re not afraid?” he asked sheepishly. 

You shook your head. “Liam, I know who you are. Having claws and fangs doesn’t change that, even if it’s a little weird.”

He smiled. “A little?”

“Okay, maybe a lot,” you admitted with a grin. “But that just means you can eat the people that piss me off on a full moon.”

Liam frowned. “Werewolves don’t eat people on full moons.”

“So what do they do?”

“Exactly what we’ve been doing every full moon for the past two years. Eating junk food and playing video games.”

You thought for a moment. “And you have super reflexes?”

He nodded. “Yeah, basically.

 “So why do you suck so bad at COD then?”

Liam rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling. He was relieved you were still treating him the way you always had. Telling you about the supernatural was always something he had wanted to do. You were one of his best friends, and he had always felt wrong hiding it from you.

He had thought about admitting his secret countless times before, but something had always stopped him. What you didn’t know was that Liam had always thought of you as more than a friend. He was pretty sure you felt the same way, but he had never asked you out.

Scott had questioned him about it once on the way home from a pack movie night. They had dropped you off at home, and as he pulled away from the curb in his mom’s sedan, he was looking at Liam with a smile on his face. 

“What?” Liam had asked. 

“Why don’t you ask her out?”

Liam flushed. Scott grinned at him. “I haven’t seen you look at anyone like that since Hayden.”

“I don’t know,” Liam said. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. “She likes you too. You can’t tell?”

“I know she does. It’s just...with everything going on, I don’t want to drag her into this.”

Scott nodded. “I get it...but you can’t spend your whole life doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Sacrificing your happiness to keep people safe. Even when you do that, they’re never really safe.”

“I don’t know,” Liam mumbled, glancing out the window into the darkness. 

“I had to learn that the hard way,” Scott had told him. “But maybe you do too.”

Now, as he stood across from you, he didn’t want to leave the chemistry lab. He wanted to hide in there with you for as long as he could and tell you everything, including how he felt about you. Before he could get the chance, you spoke. 

“Come on,” you said, nodding toward the hallway. “Let’s make sure you stay alive so I can beat your ass again this weekend.”

He had missed his moment, but he smiled at you anyway. “Can I walk you to class?”

“Duh.”

You looped your arm through his and headed out into the hall, ignoring the stares and fearful looks the entire way. 

------

You met up again in biology class, which you all had together. When you sat down at the table next to Liam, he pulled you close to whisper in your ear. 

Your heart skipped when he placed his hand on your arm, but he was too agitated to notice. 

“Nolan and Gabe are going to try to force me to shift. Corey said they’re going to block all the exits.”

You frowned. “Then we have to find a way to sneak you out.”

You glanced behind you, where Corey and Mason were sharing a table. 

“We’ve got a plan for that."

Mason explained that Corey could make himself and Liam invisible. They would sneak out down the halls and hopefully find an exit that wasn’t guarded by lacrosse players. 

When the bell finally rang, the four of you headed out of class. Corey and Liam slipped behind a pillar and disappeared into thin air. You and Mason led the way as they shuffled behind you, completely unseen. 

The four of you hurried through the school, but every exit you passed was blocked by an angry-looking lacrosse player.

“What do we do?” you muttered to Mason.

“Just keep going.”

You turned down another hallway, only to run right into Nolan. He was standing in the middle of the hallway with a few other lacrosse players. Gabe was right behind him. You and Mason stopped short at the sight.

“Hey guys,” Nolan said. His tone was casual, but there was no friendliness in his eyes.

Before you could attempt to go around him or the others, he stepped in front of you. His hands were curled tightly into fists.

“What are you doing?” you asked him.

“You should leave, Y/n. You shouldn’t get in the middle of all this. You’ll get hurt.”

You frowned. “Nolan, please.”

His gaze softened. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but then he simply opened his hand and blew a handful of white powder at you. The smell of flour drifted through the air as you and Mason were dusted. You felt terror grip you as you realized that Corey and Liam were covered too, making them suddenly visible.

You turned in horror, but before you could make a move, Gabe darted forward and threw Liam to the floor. Both Gabe and Nolan hauled him up, dragging him down the empty hall and into a deserted classroom. The other lacrosse players didn’t bother to grab you or Mason. Instead, they flooded into the classroom behind the others.

Some students passing by followed suit, eager to watch the fight they sensed was about to happen. 

“Wait here,” Mason told you, darting after them. 

He shoved his way into the classroom, ready to come to Liam’s rescue, but he was immediately grabbed by two lacrosse players. You frantically looked around for Corey, but he had disappeared again. You only hoped he was hiding somewhere safe, just in case they were planning on coming for him next. 

With Corey nowhere to be found, you shouldered your way into the classroom, but you were trapped behind the sea of kids trying to catch the action. 

You watched in horror as Nolan landed a punch to Liam’s face, causing blood to run from his nose. They shoved him to the ground, kicking and punching him. Every time Liam seemed to be close to snapping, he seemed to hold himself back. You were relieved, but you also weren’t sure how long he could keep that up.

“You’re fighting it!” you heard Nolan snap. 

Your blood boiled. You were sick to your stomach with both rage and terror. Liam was getting his ass handed to him. He couldn’t even fight back. 

You watched as Gabe snatched a tuft of Liam’s brown hair. He yanked him up from the classroom floor, only to slam his knee into Liam’s face. You flinched.

“What is going on here?!”

Suddenly the clicking of heels sounded from down the hallway. Mrs Finch was striding over, and the crowd of kids parted for her. Instead of looking angry, she just seemed scared as she realized what was happening. 

“Do something!” Mason pleaded, but Mrs. Finch just held up her hands, as if she were surrendering. 

“Sometimes it’s best to let them work things out on their own,” she told him, before turning back down the hall. 

Kids stared in shock, dumbfounded at her response. You took the opportunity to shove your way into the space she had left in the crowd. As you got closer, you saw that Liam was lying on his back. Blood was streaming from his nose, his mouth, and various other cuts on his face. 

Gabe was kneeling over him, punching him over and over. He raised his arm to land another blow, and that was when you moved forward. You had no idea what had gotten into you, but you couldn’t watch another second of Liam’s suffering. 

Gabe grunted in surprise as you knocked him to the ground. The two of you spilled onto the tiled floor, but he quickly recovered. He yanked your head back by your hair, causing you to cry out. 

Before you could register what was happening, pain was shooting through your skull. He had punched you so hard that it left you lying on the floor, dazed and seeing white for a few seconds. 

“Gabe-” Nolan began to say, but he was cut off. “Is this what’s gonna do it, Liam?” Gabe demanded, pulling you off the floor by your hair. “Maybe you won’t change if we beat your ass, but what about hers?”

Tears were streaming down your face, blurring your vision. You could still see Liam's eyes glowing yellow though. As much as it hurt, you weren’t willing to be the reason he shifted in front of everyone. 

“Liam,” you begged. “Don’t.”

You could taste your own blood on your lips. Judging by the look on Liam’s face, you probably looked terrible, even from the single punch. You knew they were going to do much worse.

Gabe balled his hand into a fist once more, and you closed your eyes, bracing for the next punch. 

“What the hell is going on?! Back off!”

Suddenly, Gabe was ripped off of you by the back of his shirt. His fingers uncurled from your hair, and you dropped to the ground on your hands and knees. 

“Get to the Principal's office now!” Coach Finstock was screaming. 

He had Gabe and Nolan by their shirts, and he practically tossed them out the door and into the hallway. He looked absolutely livid. You had never seen Coach so angry. He gazed out at the crowd of students around you.

“What the hell is this?” He demanded. “Get out, all of you! I can’t stand to look at your faces!”

The crowd dispersed, and Mason was let go. You scrambled over to Liam, who was still on his back. He was taking short, gasping breaths and his face was covered in his own blood, but he looked relieved. He coughed as the four of you, including Corey, who had reappeared, helped him off the ground. One of his arms was slung over your shoulder, and the other was slung over Mason’s.

Mason stared at him in awe. “I can’t believe you did that...and Y/n, I can’t believe you just tackled Gabe. That was insane.”

Liam nodded, looking between the three of you. “Clark Kent, right?” he muttered. 

“Yeah,” Mason breathed. “Clark Kent.”

Liam glanced over at you. He felt a lump in his throat when he saw the state of your face. There was a small gash on your cheek from where Gabe had punched you. A trickle of blood was making its way down to your jaw, and your lip was split open. The worst part was the bruising. The blood could be cleaned up, but the bruise that was beginning to form would be there for a while. That side of your face was also beginning to swell.

His blood was boiling. He wanted to tear Gabe and Nolan apart. In that moment, he didn’t care who saw. Then you spoke. 

“Liam,” you said softly. “I’m okay. I promise.”

You squeezed his hand. The feel of your fingers wrapped around his seemed to ground him. The tension melted from his shoulders. 

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get out of here.”

------

“God, I have no idea how I’m going to explain what happened to your parents.”

You looked over at Liam from the passenger seat of his Toyota. He had a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. You raised your eyebrows.

“Why do you have to explain?” 

“Because I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to protect you...and everything that happened is my fault anyway.”

You lifted the bag of frozen peas that Coach had given you off your cheek. He had assured you it would bring down the swelling, but you were skeptical.  You pulled down the visor in front of you and glanced at your wounded face in the mirror. 

            Mason had cleaned the blood off with the lacrosse team first aid kit, but there was a visible gash where Gabe’s knuckles had connected with your cheekbone. The bruise, now a deep blue-ish purple, spread out across your cheek. Your lip was also busted and there was no way you’d be able to hide it.

“It’s not your fault. I’ll just tell my parents the truth. Someone was getting their ass kicked and I stepped in to stop them. Well, I tried anyway.”

“Okay, now you’re kind of making me sound like a little bitch.”

You shrugged, and you and Liam both burst out laughing. The movement in your face caused you to wince and Liam’s expression darkened. 

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to keep saying that.”

“I feel like I do.”

“You don’t,” you assured him. “Liam, none of this was your fault. It’s the hunters and Nolan, and that fucking psycho Gabe. Plus, I’m the one who tackled him…”

He didn’t answer right away. He was anxiously chewing on his lip, staring out the windshield. 

“Liam?”

“I think you need to leave town.”

You balked at him. “What? No way!”

“Gabe could have done a lot worse to you. Now he knows you’re involved. Staying here could get you killed. You and Mason both.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” you demanded. “Just run away?”

“Yeah. That’s exactly what you should do. I can’t protect you, Y/n. I can’t protect anyone.”

“I can protect myself-”

“No you can’t!” he snapped. “Look at your face!”

You flinched back at his sharp tone. Wordlessly, you turned away, slouching down in your seat to stare out the window. Maybe he was right, but his words had touched a nerve.

Liam wasn’t trying to hurt you, but he was terrified. If he couldn’t even protect you from Gabe, how was he supposed to protect you from trained hunters?

“Y/n...I’m sorry. I’m not saying you’re not strong. I just…I can’t lose you.”

You felt a flutter in your chest. Taking a deep breath, you looked back over at him. 

“Even if you can’t protect me, why would I leave you? If someone’s trying to kill you, I want to help. Even if it means getting hurt...even if it means dying. I can’t just leave.”

“I can’t be the reason something happens to you,” Liam protested. 

“You wouldn’t be,” you pointed out. “If these people are coming after you, that’s them. Not you.”

He shook his head and you could tell he was trying to work something out inside his head. He was about to turn down the street to Scott’s neighborhood, but he hesitated for a moment. You were both supposed to be at a pack meeting, but now he was having second thoughts about bringing you.

“Maybe I should just take you home. I promise I’ll come and get you as soon as this is over,” he swore.

“I can’t just leave you.”

“You can,” he insisted, pulling up to the nearest curb. Scott’s house was still a few blocks away. 

“If you want me to leave you, you’re gonna have to pick me up and carry me kicking and screaming out of town,” you told him stubbornly.

“Fine,” he said with a shrug. “Then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll throw you over my shoulder. I don’t care.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re not serious.”

“I am!” he shouted. “You don’t realize how much danger you’re in.”

“You’re Clark Kent, right?” you demanded. “What if I’m Lois Lane then? I don’t remember her ever running away.”

He opened his mouth to protest. This wasn’t a comic book. It was real life, and you could die. But as you stared at him defiantly, he realized you already knew that. 

Asking you to leave him would have been like asking him to leave Scott and the others.

“Fine,” he said.

He put the car back into drive and pulled away from the curb. You drove in silence for a couple minutes, until he pulled into a driveway you presumed was Scott’s. There were several other cars out front. You recognized Stiles’ rickety, blue jeep right away, along with Lydia’s Martin’s Toyota and Scott’s motorcycle.

“Promise me you’ll just think about leaving?” he asked. “Just think about it.”

“Fine,” you told him.

Liam eyed you. “You’re lying.”

“So you can read minds now too?” you demanded. 

“Your heart skips when you lie. I can hear it.”

He slammed the door behind him, but came around to open yours for you nonetheless. You could tell he was pissed at you for saying you wouldn’t leave, but he would do the exact same thing and you knew it. 

As you followed Liam into the house, you saw a group of people clustered around the coffee table, examining a map. You recognized Scott, his mom, Malia, Lydia and two other men you didn’t know. One was tall with dark hair, and he was wearing a suit. There was an FBI badge hanging from his neck. The other was shorter, with piercing blue eyes. 

“...no one can leave,” the taller one was saying. “Gerard’s distributed all of his weapons throughout Beacon Hills, to anyone who wants them.”

The shorter one looked grim. “He’s arming his army.”

You turned toward Liam, wanting to ask what they were talking about. Before they could, Lydia, who had been staring vacantly out the window, yelled “Get down!”

She pulled Mason to the floor just as two arrows flew through the glass windows at the front of the house, shattering them. A bright flash spread across the room, blinding you just after you saw Malia shove Scott down. Liam tackled you to the floor, covering his body with yours.

Gunfire echoed across the room, and you felt a sharp, stinging pain in your side. You cried out, and Liam pressed himself harder on top of you. You closed your eyes, terrified of what would happen next. 

Suddenly, the gunfire stopped. You glanced up, and saw the taller man, who you now realized bore a striking resemblance to Scott, stand up. He must have been his father, you realized, as he drew his weapon from a holster on his side.

Liam pushed himself up, but when he did, he realized there was blood soaking through his t-shirt. When he felt for a wound, he realized it wasn’t his blood, but yours.

You were lying below him, and a pool of dark, red blood was staining your right side, soaking into your shirt and your jeans. 

“Liam, what happened?” you whispered. Your voice was soft and scared.

“No!” he shouted, looking around frantically for the others. 

But Mason and Melissa were both unconscious on the floor, lying in their own pools of blood, which were slowly widening on the floor. Lydia was bleeding, but awake, and she was using a hand to prop herself up using the coffee table. Scott’s dad was groaning in pain, one hand holding pressure over his bloody arm.

Everyone was hurt. Everyone needed help. 

When Liam looked back down at you, your eyes were closed. Your breathing was growing shallow, and he resisted the urge to scream. He reached down, frantically pressing both hands over your bleeding side. 

“Scott!” he cried. “What do we do?”

The alpha, riddled with bullet holes himself, struggled to his feet. 

“I don’t know.”

------

“You doing okay?”

Liam looked up at the sound of Scott’s voice. The older boy was looking down at him sympathetically, and Liam felt a twinge of annoyance. 

“Not really.”

“Mind if I sit?” Scott asked. 

“Sure,” Liam said, looking back down at the floor. 

The flimsy chair next to him groaned as Scott sat down. He had two plastic-wrapped breakfast bagels in his hands, one of which he held out to Liam. 

“No thanks.”

“Come on, you haven’t eaten since last night.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Okay.” He set the bagels on the side table next to them. “You know the nurse said she was awake. You don’t wanna go see her?”

Liam was silent. His mouth was pressed into a grim line.

“Liam,” Scott said softly. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“I brought her to your house,” he grumbled. “I was trying to get her to leave town, but she wouldn’t. So I agreed that I wouldn’t make her.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “God, I should have just dragged her out of town myself.”

“She’ll be okay,” Scott reminded him. “The bullet didn’t hit anything important.”

“Yeah, and it’s a miracle it didn’t. I could have gotten her killed, Scott.”

Scott reached out, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Liam, look at me.”

Finally, he did. His blue eyes met Scott’s brown ones, and he felt himself tearing up, though he hated himself for it. He had forced himself not to cry all night, afraid that once he did, he would completely break down. 

But now, as the tears slipped down his cheeks, he couldn’t stop them. “It’s my fault she got hurt, Scott. This is what I was afraid of, and it happened.”

“None of this is your fault.”

Scott leaned over and brought Liam into a tight hug. “Remember when I told you that sacrificing your happiness doesn’t always keep people safe?”

Liam nodded. 

“You couldn’t have stopped this. Whoever was shooting at us was going to do it regardless. Who’s to say they wouldn’t have gone after her when you weren’t with her?”

“I could have made her leave town though.”

“No you couldn’t have. Making her leave you would have been like making you leave us. You never would have done it.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

Scott smiled and pulled away from the younger boy. “I know I’m right. I’ve been doing this for a while, remember? I know you feel like you’re responsible, but you’re not. She made her choice, and it was the exact same one you would have made.”

Liam nodded. 

“I think you’re perfect for each other, actually,” Scott continued. “You’re both stubborn as hell.”

“Yeah,” Liam said with a soft laugh. “We are.”

“Go see her. I’m sure you guys have a lot to talk about.”

Liam nodded and rose to his feet. “Thanks.”

Scott smiled in response, and Liam headed down the hall to your room. The nurse had given him the number a few hours ago, but he was afraid to visit you. He knew you wouldn’t be mad at him, but it was his own guilt he hadn’t been able to get past. Now he knew he couldn’t control what happened to you, and it wasn’t fair to punish you by staying away. 

He knocked on the wooden door, and heard your soft voice say “Come in.”

When he pushed it open, you were lying there, propped up against the pillows. You smiled when he entered, and he felt relief rush through him. Even in a hospital gown, you still looked beautiful.

He strode forward and leaned in, wrapping his arms around you. You buried your face in his shoulder, hugging him back. 

“I was worried you weren’t going to show,” you admitted. 

Liam flushed. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if I should come.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you told him. “I knew you’d feel like it was. That’s why I told Scott to go talk to you.”

He balked at you. “You...you told Scott to come talk to me?”

You nodded. “He came in to check on me once my parents left to eat. When you weren’t with him, I figured you’d be beating yourself up about it.”

Scott had been right. You really were perfect for each other. 

“You’re still in this mess because of me.”

“Yeah, but I made the choice to stay. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You’re telling me you wouldn’t do the exact same thing?”

He sighed and lowered himself down into the chair next to your bed. “No, I would’ve.”

“Look, there’s something I need to tell you,” you admitted. “I could never have left you, Liam. I know you wanted me to go, but if I’m gonna die, I’d rather do it with you. I love you too much to run away.”

He reached out, placing his hand over yours. “It wasn’t like I wanted to be away from you. I just thought that you would be safer. I was afraid of...well, this.”

He gestured to you, lying in the hospital bed. 

“Oh come on,” you said with a roll of your eyes. “I’m fine. Plus, I’m gonna have a kickass scar. It’ll be just like a video game.”

You reached down and pulled up your hospital gown, revealing the gauze over your side. “I’m gonna look like a total badass.”

Liam grinned. “You already are a total badass.”

You smiled up at him, and he felt his heart skip. Without hesitating any longer, he leaned in, cupping your face with his hands and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. Being gentle wasn’t exactly his strong suit, but your bottom lip was still busted from when Gabe had punched you. 

“I love you,” he murmured, pulling back to look down at your face. “And whatever happens, I want you by my side.”

You nodded. “Me too.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, and you shifted to the other side of the hospital bed. You patted the space beside you. 

“Are we allowed to do that?” he asked. 

“I just got shot,” you complained. “I should be able to do whatever I want.”

Without another thought, Liam crawled up beside you. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close so that your side was pressed against his. You snuggled into him, and for the first time in months, he felt like everything would be okay.

[aro-culture-is]

For some time now I have been identifying myself as in the aro spectrum but I am still really confused??? Can you explain to me what you feel like I'd the difference between platonic and romantic attraction? Like?? I really don't get it and all allos explain it in a weirdo way that I don't understand?? Send help thx bye

hi! sorry it’s taken a bit to respond to this.

tbh I’m not sure that I can easily explain it, but what I personally romantic attraction as is as follows:

romantic attraction is an organic (ie, not forced) inclination to date someone or perform romantic actions to them as your cultural understanding of romance dictates. for example, in my culture, that includes a desire to ask that person out, typically to bring them on dates, to make out, and to be in a very close, typically monogamous, and committed relationship with that person.

I’ve never really tried to define platonic attraction, so, here’s my best thought: platonic attraction is the organic desire to be friends with someone as per cultural norms. For example, wanting to talk with them, do fun activities with them, typically with a much stronger willingness to do those activities with a group of people you’d consider friends than with a romantic interest, and generally no desire to make out, unless you also experience sexual attraction towards them.

I... really hope this helps because honestly it really is up to the person to define it as they want. I’d also like to offer that the quioromantic community exists, and that you may want to look into that community if this is a long-standing question.

- mod kee

[librarycards]

Hi! I've really appreciated reading your views on the education system and higher education in general, and I don't exactly have a question about that but I guess I am asking for some tips on reading dense academic text. basically I desperately want to consume this book called Authoring Autism, by Melanie Yegeau published in 2018 but it feels so inaccessible to me as someone who hasn't attended college and learned how to read shit like that. it's about neuroqueerness and neurodivergence as an---

identity presented in a queer theory framework and seems like something that would really be up my alley as a queer/trans autistic person and I guess I'm just pissed that it feels hard. do you have any tips on learning how to read academic text and actually stay interested and enjoy it while readily absorbing the knowledge therein? maybe this is a big ask and not something you really have an answer to, but I'm still curious as to your thoughts on it! thx for reading!

hey! this is a really good question, and you’re right that i don’t have one right answer for you, but i can try to give some of the advice that worked for me.

first off, on academic texts and specifically on the yergeau, which i’ve read & adore –– they’re often hard, and authoring autism is dense; this stuff is harder when you aren’t practiced in engaging these type of texts. this is actually my first recommendation –– practice! the *only* reason i feel accustomed to spending time with dense scholarly work is because i’ve done it a ton of times before and i have a plan. there are definitely different degrees of difficulty in various texts, too; you, for example, might want to start with liat ben-moshe or margaret price in terms of Mad/critical ND studies, as i think both are easier accesspoints than yergeau’s highly specific (and also largely unfamiliar to me) rhetoric studies language.

but, yeah. practice! it’s helpful on several levels to start with the seminal texts, not least because there’s also a ton of work by other people elucidating them, and often study guides and questions to help you figure out what’s going on. for example, i’m in a reading group tackling the entirety of Capital this term, which is incredibly challenging for someone (me) unfamiliar with economic theory -- luckily, there are a ton of study guides out there, lectures, videos, and more experienced people in the group to explain terms to me, and i find myself better and better able to understand Marx through all these different interlocutors. even “in my field,” like, you’d best believe i’m reading derrida with at least 3 other tabs open at any given time to cross-check and make sure i’m Getting It. 

also, there’s the fact that yergeau themself is building on multiple traditions, but especially w/in queer theory –– these are way easier to get and get through quickly having built up knowledge of heavy hitters like butler, foucault, sedgwick, halberstam (who is cancelled but unfortunately still important in the field), and others. i know some professors of queer studies/gender studies have syllabi up online for intro courses, i’d check out some of those, as well as the bibliography of Authoring Autism, for an idea of who you can read with before turning back to yergeau.

reading shorter chapters, essays, and articles feels more doable in one go than a whole book, and you have a better sense early on of what an argument is going to be (check the abstract and the end of the intro for a “roadmap”). from here, it might be easier to work up to an entire work. with whole books, especially if the topic is unfamiliar, spend a lot of time with the intro, take notes on the structure and organization of the book, the methodology, the examples the author notes from the jump, the terminology they lead with -- taking notes in general is CRUCIAL imo, and having a little base of keywords and ideas to move through the rest of the chapters with is so helpful. also, the intro will have a little summary of every chapter as well as the main argument of the text, which is helpful if you feel lost anywhere in the middle. remember that most of these academic books are composites: they’re built out of dissertations and collections of papers and presentations first given separately. they’re bound for a reason, but can usually be read as standalones.

so we have practicing, chunking, and note-taking so far. i’d also go a step further with the note-taking: a helpful assignment i’ve had in the past is to write a precís, or a general summation of what a text is about, what is it doing, what arguments the author is making, etc, for a given book. these are no more than a paragraph or two. i believe in the saying that “if you can teach it, then you really know it,” and that principle also works for the precís -- if you can get a book down to its bare necessities, it means you really know what it’s doing. think after each chapter you read, could i write a precís on this? can i use 5-7 sentences to sum up what the author is doing? if it feels jumbled, go back to your notes, go back to your highlighted sections, and try again –– and remember that every time you re-read is NOT (NOT!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!) a sign of incompetence, but rather a dedication to the author’s work and a respect for their time and knowledge. 

i really want to stress that. struggle, reengagement, rereading, changing perspective....these are very, very good things. necessary. it is completely normal and healthy to have a hard time with scholarly work, even work about one’s own experience. contrary to what a lot of people assume, just because a book is in [ x ] studies doesn’t mean [ x ] is going to understand it; this often comes as a rude awakening when people enter queer studies classes believing it to be an easy A simply because they also happen to be queer. these fields are built on decades / centuries of intellectual tradition that no one inherently Knows, any more than being part of a lineage means you know every single person in your family. what really matters here is a curiosity and dedication to take up a text day after day with the same critical, compassionate eye with which you took up the project of neuroqueer self-determination that brought you here.

lastly, relatedly (and most challengingly for me): accept that you’re never going to understand 100% of anything, ever. as a professor of mine says, give up the patriarchal, colonial desire to “master” a text, to make it submit to you its full, transparent meaning. not only is it not going to happen, but it’s a violent relationship to have with knowledge, both to yourself and your “object.” learning is a lifelong process (hence the importance of re-reading) and Authoring Autism, etc. will stick around regardless of when you’re able to tackle it and in what capacity. i definitely relate to the anger and frustration at feeling “incompetent” in the face of a difficult text, but i try to reframe it as an opportunity to learn, like i’m on a new date and listening to someone tell me about their life for the first time. i won’t get it all on the first try but if it catches my interest, i’ll stick around.

idk if any of this was helpful, and please feel free to message with any other qs, i’m really really really really passionate about ensuring scholarly work is available to those outside the academy & that everyone has the opportunity to engage with it so please consider me a resource in all regards!!

[eulersfeverdream]

All’s Fair in Love and Calculus - Chapter 10

A PP high school AU.

Read here on AO3.

Chloe's phone let out a hushed buzz from beside her, the soft fabric of her comforter soaking up and silencing most of the vibrations that leaked out from the device's body. She picked it up and tilted the screen towards her. As the screen lit up the sight of Beca's name quickened her heartbeat. The book Chloe had been studying fell to the bed beside her hip, forgotten, as fingers hastily danced to unlock the screen.

QT Math Whiz: Hey, I just got home. Wanted you to know I was safe, or whatever.

Beale: aww, thx!!!

Beale: i miss you already

QT Math Whiz: I miss you too. Thanks for inviting me to stay for dinner. I had fun.

Beale: well i do make the best puttanesca

QT Math Whiz: Not quite what I meant.

Beale: no? well wut did u mean?

At the bottom of the conversation the telltale ellipses popped up and disappeared several times next to Beca's name. Chloe couldn't help but grin as she pictured Beca typing and retyping nervously. After a few moments with no progress Chloe giggled to herself and decided to take pity.

Beale: if you meant the kisses then i had fun too

QT Math Whiz: You are the worst Beale.

Chloe leaned back onto her pillows, wiggling her shoulders to sink into a more comfortable position as her weight settled against the headboard beneath. An image of Beca's grumpy pout and the soft smile that the tiny woman was powerless to fully hide too hold in Chloe's imagination and the thought filled her stomach with a warm, tingling sensation.

Her fingers drifted over the screen as the two settled into conversation, the time vanishing as the night aged outside her window.

 After a time the muted chimes from the clock in the front hall made their way through her bedroom door signalling midnight.

Chloe looked up at the clock in the top right of her phone's screen in disbelief, cursing softly that it was so late. A handful of notebooks peered out of the opened zipper of her backpack in mute accusation. She let her head fall back heavily her pillow as her chest deflated in a long, frustrated sigh. After indulging in a few seconds of self-pity she shifted to sit up and eyed her phone, missing Beca just at the idea of saying goodbye.

Beale:i just realized its after midnite. gtg. see you tomorrow babe!!!xxx

QT Math Whiz:Okay, good night. Have good dreams.

Beale:u2

The chat blinked away, quickly being replaced by Chloe's favorite study play list. As soon as the music started pouring out of her wireless speakers Chloe locked the phone and blew a raspberry at the blank glass, plugging its charging cable into the bottom before sending it sailing onto her bed in a gentle arc.

She eyed the backpack, mentally organizing her homework before deciding to tackle the most important assignment first. A pen and her history notebook soon joined her phone on the bed, followed by Chloe with her textbook in tow. An afghan over her lap completed the arrangement and Chloe set to reading the chapter her teacher had assigned, humming along to Dirty Paws as she did.

Beca cracked her eyes open to the chirping singsong of fake sounding birds coming out of her cell phone. She blinked rapidly, willing her eyes to focus as she tried to pinpoint where the sound was coming from. The usual corner of her dresser where her phone should be was a void.

Puzzled she turned her head one from side to side, trying to localize the insistent chirps. The sound was coming from her sheets. She sat up and rummaged her hands through the folds of cotton. Eventually her fingers bumped into hard plastic, the offending noise pitching up in intensity as it was freed from her bedding before falling silent as Beca muted the alarm with a groan.

The previous night swam back to her and she recalled that she had been drifting to sleep with her phone in her hand, thinking about Chloe's last messages. She played through the previous night in her head, a silly smile spreading across her face. Memories of warm lips and the weight of Chloe as she leaned into Beca. The reverie was interrupted with a series light but resolute knocks on the bedroom door.

When no reply seemed forthcoming the voice of Beca's mother came through the door, muffled by the obstruction. "Beca, honey, are you up?"

Beca eyed the door, feeling a prickle of irritation. Her mother was probably going to tell her she'd have to work late again tonight. Another extra shift to help a friend. Beca nodded without thinking, then sighed as she reflected that her mother had no way of seeing her. Not feeling very much like shouting, Beca rose without saying a word, sucking in a breath sharply as her feet touched the cold faux hardwood floor. She quickly crossed to the door, scrunching her toes in order to arch as much of her foot away from the cold as she went. Opening the door Beca spotted her mother, neatly made up for work and smiling.

"Yeah mom, I'm up," Beca said, her voice husky and tired. "What do you need?"

Beca covered her mouth as she tried to stifle a yawn, apologizing quietly under her breath as she waited for her mother's answer.

Smiling, her mother said, "Melissa needs me to cover her night shift again tonight. It's the last time, but her husband has been stuck on jury duty and she's had a miserable time trying to find child care."

Her mother smiled apologetically as if she realized she had been rambling before she finished. "Anyway, I'll make it up to you, I'll be home for the rest of the week."

Beca shrugged in answer to her mom's expectant expression, understanding the decision. She didn't even know if she could have explained what bothered her about the recent string of lonely nights. Beca was always quiet, barely talking even when her mother was home.

Yet even so, Beca missed her mom's presence. Even if it was just quietly watching television together or listening to her mom recount her day while she enjoyed the dinner Beca made, at least she was there. Lately it felt like her mother was just missing.

"Yeah, sure mom," Beca said. "Whatever."

As soon as the words slipped off of her tongue Beca realized they were sharper than she meant. Her mother's hopeful smile fell slightly and Beca grimaced, not quite sure what to do about the strike of guilt she felt. Her mother tried to gather herself and leaned in for a quick hug, used to Beca's stiff reception.

"Well, have a good day honey. Do you need any money for dinner?" she asked, earning a silent shake of Beca's head. Her mother nodded and stepped away, turning towards the stairs and the first few steps of her commute.

Beca closed the door, her shoulders slumping as she played the conversation over in her mind, wishing she'd offered her mother more patience, or apologized. Her thoughts soon turned to school, however, and Beca was mollified as she realized that she'd get to see Chloe in choir today, and the thought made it very difficult to dampen the smile that threatened to dominate Beca's face.

Chloe came to a stop at her locker, bouncing up on her tiptoes as she did. Her fingers made short work of the lock, four years of muscle memory making the action almost subconscious. She tugged upward on the metal tab above the notched wheel after the last number was set, the door swinging open against the adjacent locker with a clang.

Chloe let her bag swing around her, the weight balancing on shoulder so she could swap out the books and notebooks she wouldn't need today and trading them for the binder of music for choir. As she slid it carefully into the now vacant space in her backpack Chloe angled her head to peer lower, looking her hair over in the mirror. She felt silly, it was the end of a long day at school, but she still wanted to make sure her hair looked tidy.

"Hey there stranger."

Chloe didn't have to turn to know the face that was connected to the honeyed, sing-song voice beside her belonged to her best friend Aubrey.

"Hey Bree," Chloe replied.

She decided to ignore the stranger remark. It was true that she hadn't seen Aubrey outside of school in almost two weeks. Between her tutoring and all of her classwork as they inched towards graduation she hadn't really seen anybody. Instead she opted for flattery.

Chloe turned to face Aubrey and asked, "Is that a new blouse?"

Aubrey looked down at the yellow silk that fell from her shoulders into a flattering but conservative neckline.

"Yes and no, I think it's the first time I've worn it, but it's been in my closet for a while."

Chloe nodded, slipping her free arm through the vacant strap in her bag and sliding the bundle onto her back. She gestured with a nod toward the direction of the rehearsal hall and Aubrey fell into step beside her.

They chatted as they walked, Aubrey regaling her with some of the comings and goings of their friends at school. Chloe nodded along but kept finding herself distracted, looking for a messy brunette bun hiding under bulky headphones as she walked through the thicket of students. She registered a change in Aubrey's tone of voice and met her friend's eyes, clearly lost.

"Are you even listening to me?" Aubrey questioned, the naked irritation in her voice unmistakeable.

"Yeah, sorry. I just zoned out. Run that by me one more time?"

Aubrey rolled her eyes and let out a huff.

"I said that Stacie and I are going to Luke DeLaney's party tonight. Should I have Stacie pick you up, or do you want to meet us at my house?"

Chloe vaguely recalled being invited, frowning as she thought about it.

"I don't know about that Bree. I'm so stressed with classes and applications and everything, I just-"

Aubrey cut her off with a dismissive wave of her hand, her vibrant pink fingernails flashing.

"All the more reason to come! You need to let loose and relax."

Chloe tried to fight the grimace she was sure was trying to take hold on her face. She had a hard time pretending she didn't hear hints of her mother in Aubrey's tone of voice, and it didn't take much imagination to picture her mother insisting that Chloe should go out, rub shoulders with people. Invest in the connections that supposedly made the world run.

"I don't know, I've got my tutoring and then I think I'll just stay home."

Aubrey recoiled as if Chloe had told her that she was planning to spend the night dissecting small animals.

"I don't know what's up with you Chloe, but you need to figure out your priorities."

Without another word Aubrey picked up her pace, leaving Chloe in her wake. Chloe allowed herself a small sigh, wishing she could figure a way to make Aubrey understand her.

Choir rehearsals were about halfway done and Beca stood patiently in her section flanked by a few other altos. They had just finished the first section they were practicing today and the director, a sympathetic looking man named Mr. Walsh had told them to take a five minute break while he excused himself to take an emergency call in the office that butted up against the front of the rehearsal room.

As soon as Mr. Walsh had closed the door students started milling around, like gas atoms expanding to fill the volume they were in. Beca stood still, casually watching as everyone drifted to and fro. She gripped her sheet music, the familiar feel of the heavy paper stock grounding her. Beca liked the routine nature of class schedules, it made things simple and organized, and she couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable with the interruption. She didn't like the confusion that swept in to replace their teacher.

Beca turned toward the section where she knew Chloe would be, craning her neck as she stretched onto the tips of her toes. She looked for the telltale shock of auburn hair in the sopranos that would mean she'd found Chloe. The idea of her bright, cerulean eyes made something inside Beca's chest flutter. They had said hi for a few moments before class started, but Beca found herself eager to see her smile all the same.

Without warning someone bumped into Beca from behind, impacting her shoulder painfully and sending her music to the floor. Beca crouched down to pick up the bound sheets up.

"You should be more careful spaz."

Beca turned around as she rose back to her feet. A tall, imposing blonde loomed over her, talking Ashley, the alto who stood behind Beca. Recognition flooded into her brain as Beca recalled Chloe talking about this girl and how long they had been friends. What was her name? Abby? No, she thought. Aubrey. Beca ground her teeth for a moment, not happy with the situation.

"You walked into me," Beca said quietly, her voice flat.

"What did you say?"

Aubrey had turned back around, clearly unhappy, although Beca didn't really understand why. The taller woman squared herself to Beca, both hands poised haughtily on her hips.

"I said-" Beca paused, taking a breath as she tried to figure out what was expected of her. It was obvious to Beca that she couldn't have done anything to avoid their collision. Had the girl not seen her? Beca frowned, wishing again that Mr. Shaw hadn't left so she wouldn't have to worry about people who walked into her.

"I was just saying that I couldn't be more careful," she repeated. Hoping to clarify she quickly added, "Because you walked into me."

Aubrey scoffed, eying Beca up and down. Beca spun her thumb ring, feeling the polished inner metal glide over her skin easily. She dropped her eyes to the floor to avoid Aubrey's glare, noticing the girl's shoes instead. They were clean and barely showed any wear. They looked expensive, the same as her clothes.

"What's with your voice?" Aubrey asked. The abrupt shift in topics confused Beca.

"What?"

"Your voice," Aubrey repeated. "It's like you're a robot, your voice never changes. It's distracting"

"What? I don't-" Beca began stammering, completely unsure of how to respond. Aubrey just stared, her eyebrows creeping higher.

"Does she even sing?" Aubrey asked, turning to Ashely who said nothing but snickered.

"I sing," Beca said, her voice becoming strained.

Aubrey crossed her arms, her dusty green eyes locked onto Beca who squirmed under the continued eye contact. She scoffed again, disapproving and cold. "Bullshit," the older girl said, hovering far too close for Beca's liking. She took a half step back out of instinct. The move seemed to embolden Aubrey who grinned like a hyena leading a pack to close in on a kill.

She started to repeat the first line of the piece they were practicing, her voice held in a monotone. The imitation was met with laughter by a number of the closest students.

Beca glanced around before dropping her eyes to the floor, her breaths coming shorter and faster. Several of the other students laughed at Aubrey's impression. Beca started nervously plucking at the edge of her choir notebook, the slightly rolled plastic edge catching in between her fingernails.

"See? That's not singing," Aubrey said icily. "Why don't you just leave so we don't have to listen to your weird robot voice," Aubrey questioned.

Beca squeezed her eyes shut. Her chest felt like it was being crushed and all she wanted to do was get away, but she couldn't get her legs to move. She couldn't do anything, it felt like she was trapped in time, watching herself from outside. Aubrey uncrossed her arms and reached out, her finger harshly tapping Beca on the forehead twice, her fingernail catching Beca's skin. She flinched at the unwelcome contact.

"What, are you deaf too?"

Beca's stomach tightened into a knot, and she hated herself for feeling the bloom of heat on her right cheek as a tear crept down it.

"What the fuck Aubrey!?"

Beca and Aubrey both jerked their heads to the side in the same moment, turning their attention to where Chloe was standing a few feet away.

[crimsonbluemoon]

Could you possibly do 77/86 for H2Ovanoss or TerroSnuckel thx!

Okay this is my last one for the night before my Redolence VC. This is a semi-continuation of the first blind Terrormoo drabble I did, because lots of people really seemed to enjoy it. Hope this one goes well, too! 

Couple: Terrormoo Number: 77/86 Prompt: “Call me if you need anything.”/“You’re important too.”

Brock didn’t like being blind. Time seemed to go slower, his house was a war zone, and he always was being challenged by experiences those with sight never had to face. He knew that he was blessed with the reminder that this wasn’t forever; his eyes just needed time. 

But he just couldn’t relax. 

His doctors reported to him that trauma and genetics could be working against him, and there were options of surgeries he could have done to help the process. It had been scary to hear that at the end of the appointment, and Brock had felt shaky after Evan had dropped him at his apartment. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Evan asked, Brock listening to his friend’s hesitant steps toward the front door. 

“I’m good.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. Go enjoy your date with Jon.” He’d been too embarrassed to tell his friend he’d been shaken by the news. There was a silence that fell over the living room, and Brock could feel Evan’s attention on him. He wondered if his friend would challenge him, so he kept his smile stable until he heard the front door click shut. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the couch, wondering if the headache was from the new medication or his stress. He wanted to sleep, or cry. Maybe both. 

Minutes (or maybe hours, time was weird for him now) passed before another pounding erupted in the air, but it came from his front door instead of his head. 

“Um, coming!” Brock knew his floorplan easy enough to make it to his entrance, fingers scraping across the edge of the door before finding the doorknob. “Who is it?”

“Your favorite barista.” The tease was surprising for Brock, who blinked. 

“Brian?” He asked, feeling his heart skip when the name rolled over his lips. 

“Is there another barista I don’t know about? Because I know you like me a lot more than Ryan.” He laughed at Brian’s tease, then took his time pulling the door open. He couldn’t see, of course, but Brock knew where to look just from the warm presence he’d grown used to over nine months. 

“What are you doing here? How did you know where I lived?”

“Evan sent me a text saying you might need some company.” He’d forgotten that the two had become quick friends the few times he brought his best friend to the cafe. “Said something about a rough appointment?”

“He’s just being a little protective in his own weird way,” Brock answered, avoiding the second part of the question. “Would you like to come in?” 

“That’s why I’m here, Brocky.” He wasn’t sure if his apartment was clean or as organized as he normally kept it, but he wouldn’t be able to see Brian’s disappointment if it wasn’t. He stepped to the side, then flushed when his shoulder bumped hard into his door. 

“Um…”

“You’re cute when you blush.” Brock’s skin buzzed when Brian flicked his forehead, though it wasn’t hard enough to hurt. The hint of the sting was washed away after something warm caught his elbow, fingers curling around the bony edge to lead him into the apartment. “So, you want to show me around? Then I’m thinking I’ll make you some dinner, and we’ll pop in a movie-”

“You don’t have to do this,” Brock chimed in quietly, hating the sliver of insecurity that popped into his voice. “I know Evan said to stop by, but...I know you’ve probably got plans. It’s friday night; there’s something more important for you to focus on than a customer from your cafe.”

“Did I give you the impressive you ain’t worth something to me?” The sharp edge to Brian’s question made Brock jump, surprised at his serious tone. 

“No, but…” 

“Let’s get something straight; I asked Evan to keep me updated on ya. It sucks I only get to see you once a day, and then Evan solved that problem for me. I’ve been wanting to ask for your number for months. But I couldn’t. You weren’t gonna give it to me, cause you got this crazy thought I find you a burden. But that ain’t it at all; you’re important, too. Especially to me.” A gentle squeeze against his arm and a swipe of a warm touch made him shiver. Then, a breath curled over his ear, Brock’s air frozen in his lungs when realizing how close Brian had gotten. “So are you gonna tell me what to make you for dinner, or not?” 

“Oh.” He tried not to let his excitement over the words show, but his smile slipped past his bitten lip. “Maybe...some pasta?”

“I can do that. Show me your kitchen.” Brock was led in front of Brian, his back brushed by the firm chest showing Brian didn’t intend to wander far. The comfort in the touch, never overpowering or demeaning, made Brock’s shoulder slink into a relaxed ease. 

And Brock knew he’d let Brian far too deep into his heart. 

[seokjxnnie]

hi i see that you've been to a couple bts concerts! can you describe what it was like seeing them irl? and what the process was like the day of? thank you so much ^0^

hi love! thx so much for ur patience, sorry i wasn’t on all day yesterday to answer u! i’m going to walk u thru everything i can remember about each concert, so i’m putting it under a break bc it gets long!

bts love yourself in LA 2018: A  M E S S! this was my first bts concert and also my first big concert outside of my own city (vancouver) so idk if staples centre was just incredibly disorganized or if this was the normal concert experience LOL and sorry if i come off as judgy but ngl it was was a very unpleasant up to the point of the actual show bc a lot of the fans (plus their parents??!!!) were so hostile LMAO

my friend and i had GA floor tickets. a lot of ppl who had GA camped outside the venue for days straight leading up to the concert, and even tho the venue said they didn’t allow camping and wouldn’t hold the campers’ place in line, they went back on their word and did anyway (which in retrospect i don’t blame them bc i think the campers would’ve started an all out war if the venue actually followed thru on that rule). so early morning on the day of (7-8am) the venue staff numbered the campers’ hands with sharpies so that it would count as their position in line, but when everyone lined up to get their wristbands for GA, not everyone in that lineup had camped so a lot (not all) of the campers got rly aggressive and wanted to check everyone’s hands. if they found someone without a number they’d bully that person to leave the lineup and go to the end. a lot of those aggressors were like young teenagers and their parents either came to keep them company as they lined up or they were attending the concerts themselves, and some of those parents would assist their child in harassing other ppl and then played victim when the news crew came around which was w i l d to me. but i think that behaviour was eventually curbed bc a lot of other ppl in line like spoke back and stood up against their hostility. oh also! while in this lineup, several black range rovers in a row drove past us and into the venue, so we were pretty sure the boys were in those cars.

anyway, that lineup was to get into a section of venue to get official wristbands that would hold ur position in line for GA later at the concert. this took a few hours. but at the same time (a little later in the morning ~10-11am) the lineup for merch opened up elsewhere a the venue and if i remember correctly, things sold out rly quick. i luckily had other friends attending the concert, but they had seated tickets so didn’t have to line up for GA wristbands like me, so they were able to line up and get merch for us. once GA ppl got their wristbands, we were free to go and were to return to the venue 1-2 hrs before the concert start, unless u won soundcheck then you’d be let in sometime in the afternoon to see the boys. u were also able to stick around and line up for the photobooth but we were exhausted from everything so we left.

it was a pleasant experience after that. we went home and took a nap and hydrated and got ready for the concert LOL in the evening when GA ppl came back to line up for the show, our wristbands were numbered as our position in line so we ordered ourselves with the help of the staff and waited in line outside the venue for a couple hrs. we weren’t allowed to bring in anything more than a small bag. everyone around us was nice, a lot of ppl were handing out free merch that they made! then we were let in one at a time with a security check at the door, and after that we’d rush into the arena to secure a good view. i was around #~250 and still i stood like 2nd row from the extended stage. it was an amazing view when the boys were on the extended stage, bc they were a couple arms length away and we were in the splash zone when yoongi tossed his water bottle around during tear. i also remember jimin being super interactive and flirty with the fans around the extended stage too. but i will say it’s impossible to see anything when they’re on the mainstage (esp when ur short like me), so i was watching them from the screens a lot. i think joon took someone’s phone and recorded himself on with it too! again, everyone around us were super nice and caring, telling ppl not to push each other and comforting each other as we sobbed throughout. a tall girl standing in front of me asked me if i could see and would try to tilt her shoulders in a way that open up my view which was v sweet but i told her dw just enjoy urself!

ofc the boys were amazing - as amazing as u would expect and them some! they sounded so amazing live that i literally had to ask myself several times during the concert if they were lipsyncing. they were incredibly fun, great onstage energy, and very interactive! sososo much prettier in real life too.

bts speak yourself in chicago 2019: this was undeniably a greater experience all around. this was the stadium tour, so floor seats were seated and numbered, which eliminated the whole terrible camping/lining up experience and everyone just had to come a little early to seat themselves before the show. also, merch sales were offered for 3 days: the day prior to day1 of the concert, day1 before the concert, and day2 before the concert. from my knowledge they didn’t sell out either so all around it felt way more organized, which might’ve just been bc the capacity was going to be 3x greater (soldier field was ~60k and staples centre was ~20k) and they were prepared for that. there was also a photobooth but i think it was only open to certain ppl that won a ticket or smth idr :///

my friend and i didn’t get floor seats this time bc not only did they almost all sold out immediately, but we kind of wanted a view of everything unlike in LA. in LA even tho bts was right there when they were on the extended stage, we couldn’t see anything when they were on the mainstage. so this time we sat in the seated section near like the cat walk and ~10 rows up, and bc the stadium was so huuuge bts was still pretty small but at least i could see all their performances no matter which stage they were on. so, we got merch the day before which was an easy breezy and much quicker process, and got into the stadium ~1 hr before the concert. u were also only allowed to bring in a small transparent bag, but i just brought my phone, a credit card, and an ID in my pockets. also! before the concert, we saw who we thought was txt standing at the very top balcony of the stadium, which we later confirmed in a bangtan bomb/episode!

bc it was an open stadium and chicago had cooler weather around that time which was even chillier at night IT WAS SO COLD. it had been raining all day but thankfully it stopped before the concert started and the stage was cleared so the boys wouldn’t slip (and thank god bc i was so worried about that). joon even said smth along the lines of “hey guys it’s meant to be, it was raining all day until we got together 🥰” and i hmmmmmmmmmmmm :’(((((((( but during their performances i didn’t even notice the cold (even tho my hands and feet no longer felt attached to my body) bc they were so amazing and i was crying too hard!!!

i have to say even tho they had already set a pretty high bar for the energy i expected from them, they even exceeded it this time round. i think they were super excited and proud to do their first stadium tour :’) they had learned a lot of english to share with us during their introductions, between their songs, and in their goodbyes. their production was crazy as you might’ve seen in fancams: an all out set for dionysus, huge bouncy castles for anpanman, and jungkook was on a fucking zipline for euphoria LOL

it was an amazing unparalleled experience and i hope u get to experience it too some day anon! i hoped that helped and sorry it was so long and i probs told u way more than what u were looking for LMAO but lmk if u have any other questions i can answer!! ty!!!!

[the-corset-witch]

Hi! Can I please have a reading if you're still doing em? My question is: what are this guy's (S, ♒) real intentions towards me? We've been together for 2 months now.. thx so much! -M, ♐

I drew the Hanged Man from the Marigold Tarot; it felt especially warm.  

While I find it hard to get intentions from this, as it’s kind of a standstill card, I do think that you offer him perspective, and you help him see things differently, and this possibly fascinates him.  Maybe that’s why he’s at a bit of a pensive standstill, he could be trying to take in all of the possibilities you possess and all the possibilities he possesses and trying to see the whole combined picture before he decides where he wants the relationship to go.  He could also be enjoying the relationship for what it is in the moment and is willing to see how it blossoms in an entirely organic way, where he tries to not have too much control over just how it blossoms.  

I think this fella is a lot more than meets the eye, has a lot of thoughts, and might have trouble making up his mind.  If this is something that’s on your mind a lot, maybe bring it up with him and ask him what he sees in your future together.  He could be afraid to think of the future together because he doesn’t know if he has a “right” to, and maybe that’s something that needs to be discussed.  I get the feeling that its conflicting thoughts, conflicting emotions, and a lot of uncertainty that keeps him tied up in his mind.  

[asking-jude]

im on the autism spectrum and for the past couple of years ive been out of school due to mental health (it was a choice i made) and although it was the best decision for me in the moment, ive missed multiple years of school due to it and now im looking into special ed online schools but im so ashamed. i don’t want people to find out and think less of me even though im considered high functioning (i don’t like this term) how would you guys feel about a friend being autistic? what should i do? thx

Hi love, 

Thank you for contacting Asking Jude. It’s totally okay that you took time out of school for your mental health! So many people do that. It’s okay that you missed multiple years of school. It doesn’t put you at a disadvantage at all. It’s okay to do things at your own pace! It’s terrific that you’re looking into special ed online schools. I think those programs will let you do coursework at your own pace so you won’t feel overwhelmed. 

You don’t have to be ashamed of being autistic. Being on the autism spectrum is part of who you are, but it’s not your defining characteristic. I would not have an issue with having a friend on the autism spectrum. You navigate the world differently from me, but that doesn’t make you any less of a person. You are unique and have so many great things about you. So many people would love to be your friend. If they don’t, then they’re missing out on someone amazing. You asked what you should do, and my immediate answer was just to be yourself. I think that it may be difficult for you because you’re afraid of being judged and worry about how people may perceive you.  I believe that it’s essential for you to be open about your autism when you meet new people. I found these articles with advice on how you can make friends: 

https://www.autism-society.org/living-with-autism/autism-through-the-lifespan/adulthood/socialrelationships/. 

https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/2018/02/07/how-does-someone-w-high-functioning-autism-make-new-friends/. 

https://www.stairwaytostem.org/students/autism-and-socializing/. 

https://yr.media/identity/advice-from-a-freshman-with-autism-on-making-friends-in-college/. 

https://www.aspergerstestsite.com/1510/making-friends-aspergers-autism/. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5EzpgNf3GM. 

https://themighty.com/2015/07/making-friends-when-you-have-autism/. 

Here are some articles that talk about how not to be ashamed of being autistic, that I recommend you read because you shouldn’t be ashamed of who you are: 

https://www.aane.org/learning-to-love-yourself/. 

https://aeon.co/ideas/my-autism-journey-how-i-learned-to-stop-trying-to-fit-in. 

specialneeds.com/children-and-parents/autism/autism-nothing-be-ashamed.

https://foundrybc.ca/stories/learned-navigate-autism-embrace-uniqueness/. 

https://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/i-used-to-feel-ashamed-of-my-autism-heres-what-i-feel-now-bbab/. 

For further advice, I advise you to utilize support groups and online forums meant for people on the autism spectrum. I think that it would be beneficial for you to speak with people who have gone through something similar to you. Even though everyone’s autism is different (hence why a lot of autistic people don’t like the term high functioning), they’ll be able to help you feel less alone and give you insight. I did some research and found these organizations that offer support groups or forums: 

The Mighty is an online magazine and community for people with disabilities, chronic illness, mental illness, and caregivers. They have a large Autism community. Visit www.themighty.com or download their app (IOS or Google Play) to create your account. Once you’ve made your account, you can post thoughts or questions to the Autism community and receive advice that way. 

Spectrum has a large number of resources on many topics. In addition, they offer monthly group meetings, which you can view at https://www.atl-spectrum.com/. 

Autism Society has many resources as well and offers a national helpline that is available 24/7—Call 800-328-8476 to speak with an information and referral specialist. Visit https://www.autism-society.org/about-the-autism-society/contact-us/ for more information. 

AANE (Asperger/Autism Network) is another organization that has many resources for people with autism as well as support groups. Visit https://www.aane.org/resources/adults/ for more information on how to join. 

Wrong Planet is an Autism Forum: Visit https://wrongplanet.net/ to get started. 

Autism Support Network: Check out http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/ for information on how to join their support community. 

Reddit has a few subreddits that are dedicated to people on the autism spectrum. If you don’t already have a Reddit account go to www.reddit.com to make one, once you have, join https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/, https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticAdults/, https://www.reddit.com/r/AutisticPride/, and https://www.reddit.com/r/asd/. 

Here are two links with more information on how to find autism groups: https://autismandhealth.org/?a=pt&p=detail&t=pt_aut&THEME&SIZE&s=aut_meet and https://nationalautismassociation.org/family-support/find-a-support-group/. 

I hope that I could give some solace in starting school again and making friends. I know that you’re scared, and that’s okay. You can do this! Please reach out to support groups. I know I gave you a lot and you don’t have to join every single one. Look at them individually and see which ones you want to join. Remember, you are not alone, and you can face whatever the world throws at you. If you need any more support, please don’t hesitate to come back to Asking Jude. 

PS check out Asking Jude’s YouTube channel for more help at www.youtube.com/c/AskingJude. 

Love,

Meggan 

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

tagged by @lucypcvensie uwu thanks for putting up with my weirdo self ily <3

How tall are you? 5′2 

What color and style is your hair? lots of people say my hair’s a light brown, but hair stylists say it’s a dark blonde so I’ll trust their judgement // my hair’s curly

What color are your eyes? blue (with these little flecks of gold right around the irises, you can only see them if you look real close)

Do you wear glasses? I have glasses, don’t necessarily wear them all the time

Do you wear braces? I used to, but I developed root resorption and had to get them off early (spring of 2017) so now none of my teeth toouch except for in the very back :( makes it really hard to eat samiches (yes that’s how I like to spell sandwiches fight me)

What’s your fashion sense? so I don’t count most days as my fashion sense bc I wear athleisure ish allllllll the time out of laziness, but when I do make an effort I have two ends of things bc I’m androgynous. so on a day when I’m feeling more masculine you’re gonna see me in a sporty-type-look (spandex, just barely sagging joggers, a graphic tee, my gold chain and jordans, I usually pull my hair into a ponytail and lay my edges), but on a day when I feel more feminine you’re gonna see me in some tried-and-true type of clothes (cute shirt, leggings, heels, jewelry, makeup did, hair down and [hopefully] acting right), but on a day when I’m feeling in-between I’ll try to experiment or be “edgy” (basically mixing and matching or trying something I saw a celebrity do and thought was cute). regardless of any style I’m in, though, you’re always gonna see me with my nails done, whether that means I got acrylics on or that I painted them myself... just know. that’s how we do. and by we I mean me.

Full name? I won’t share my last name, but Eden Amaris (fun fact: amaris can be pronounced two ways!) Is my first and middle

When were you born? December 18, 1999

Where are you from and where do you live now? was born in Federal Way, WA but I consider myself to be from Tacoma, WA as I’ve spent all of my most important years there (early childhood + hs + uni). I now live in Tacoma.

What school do you go to? University of Washington

What kind of student are you? a fucking mess I’m quiet at first, but once I’m comfortable I’m rly talkative and answer so many questions that my teachers will literally stop calling on me unless if there’s no one else lmaooo, I’ve also had several classmates and teachers tell me I should be a teacher and surprise, surprise, I do want to be a teacher for some time

Do you like school? f-f-f-FUCK YEA I LIKE SCHOOL how is that even a question??? to take it down a couple notches, yes, I love school, whether it’s for sports or for learning, I’m always excited to come to school everyday wow what a frickin nerd amirite, frickin loser

Favorite subject? depends on my professor. at this point, I highkey hate all of my classes rn bc I don’t feel like I’m learning anything. that miiight also have something to do with depression and anxiety though so idk what to tell ya man

Favorite tv shows? not a super TV person, but I’m a thot for Steven Universe

Favorite movie? I love tf out of movies, my all time would have to be Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (I just pretend that WftPotA didn’t happen atm bc I hate sm of what happened in it), but in the last few days I’ve watched War Horse (I cried like a bitch lemme tell ya), Secretariat (didn’t cry like a bitch but got teary-eyed) and 42 (I did cry at certain parts but it’s kinda uplifting so ya know, wasn’t super sad) and they were all lovely so if you haven’t seen them yet, go watch them! They’re all free on Netflix

Favorite book? When I was little it was this book called Junket (that thing is older than my grandparents, good lordte), I think some of my favorites rn tho are Heartless by Marissa Meyer and Tales from the Perilous Realm by J.R.R. Tolkien

Favorite past time? a couple months ago you would’ve thought it was crying from how much I did that, but tbh it’s probably drawing, writing, reading, watching movies, listening to music, sewing, spending time/going on adventures with my friends and helping my friends with their lives. I KNOW THAT’S EVERYTHING BUT I CAN’T HELP IT REEEE my most favorite past time atm is helping my friend Charlie clean and organize his room and designing things for his business, also spending time with my favorite little niecey-poo in the WHOLE WORLD OMGOODNESS HERE IS A PICTURE OF HER BEAUTIFUL SELF I LOVE HER SM SHE IS THE SWEETEST MOST CUTEST AND FUNNIEST AND SMARTEST WITTO GIRL EVER AND I LOVE HER <3

Do you have regrets? boy oh boy, do I: taking so long to forgive my abuser (thx for destroying my childhood @ my biological father), procrastinating, not having enough self-love/worth/confidence, being complacent with so many of the friends I used to have, focusing so much on socializing in hs rather than my sports and my schoolwork, being so afraid to just be myself bc I knew most people don’t want to be friends with a weirdo, the list goes on, all I can do now is move past it though so... ohwell.

Dream job? oh SIS get ready for this: sooo I want to own my own business, known as LEAD Revitalization (L for Love, E for Equity, A for Advocacy, D for Diplomacy - these are the core values of my business), which aims to help revitalize underdeveloped and underserved ethnic communities in the US and around the world and fight against gentrification through implementing art of all mediums in or near historic locations in that community that is representative of the demographic living there (so if the area is a primarily black neighborhood, you’re gonna see art depicting black history and culture, and if the area is primarily Asian you’d see Asian history and culture). I won’t get too into it just bc that would make this post way too long, but if anyone’s interested or wants to hear more you can bml ;) like literally bc I’m passionate af about it so I will talk your head off for days on end if given the chance

Would you ever like to be married? yes

Would you like kids? yes

How many? two or three of my own (I’m hoping for a girl and a boy) just so I can have the experience of having kids, but once they’re grown and out of the house I would like to adopt more if I have the resources to. my cousin’s adopted, so like, idk. I think that if you can adopt a kid, you should, bc there’s so many of them just stuck in the foster system and that’s complete bs

Do you like shopping? yes but I usually don’t like getting myself things (unless if we’re talking groceries or something I actually need), I love to buy things for other ppl tho if I can

What countries have you visited? canada for like 3 days technically, I just went to Mt. Whistler for spring snowboarding (that shit hurted) with my aunt bc she paid for the whole thing and my passport

Scariest nightmare you have ever had? TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE - I had a nightmare awhile ago that this guy I used to be involved with raped me, I also used to have recurring nightmares after I stopped going to my biological father’s house for visitation where he would come searching for me trying to kill me and my older brother (he’s tried to kill me 3+ times sooo... it makes sense). so like. fun.

Any enemies? S A T A N and myself, or.... my brain, I guess. idk.

Self-doubt? you betcha

Any significant other? kinda? I’m currently fwb with my ex and still have feelings for him (oopsies), we split bc he was going through shit and needed to figure himself out, I’ve been close to him for a phat minute so I’m not really trippin about it. I also have crushes on other people, but nothing’s presented itself as something worth pursuing yet so. yakno.

Do you believe in miracles? lmao I would fuckin hope so, the very fact that I’m alive rn is a gd miracle so yea

How are you? I am so-so. If we’re just talking about today, I’m prolly fine, but if we’re talking long term, I’ve been going through it. I’m just trying to figure myself out atm, and it’s rough, but I’ll probably get there. My friends think I will, at least.

i tag: @crookedly-rainy @secretpatrolpiespy hi I don’t have any other friends on Tumblr so I tagged my friends from Amino Y E E T

[witchofaiaia]

Request: Hi! Can I request a fic with an MC who had a slight crush on Jumin before joining the RFA? Not the billionaire playboy the media sold but the Jumin who made this funny cat projects which she always supported, the one who made huge donations to Charities, who had to deal with the press because of his father or some woman wanting his money (for what she felt sorry), who had so interesting ideas about ecology, economy and politics (and who is also drop dead gorgeous) thx! Good luck with the blog!

(Sorry anon, my computer threw a fit and decided to post before I was done, and it made me anxious having the post just out before i was even, like, 1/3 done.)

~One month before MC joined the RFA~       

        “Assistant Kang, who put this paper on my desk? I was expecting a report from thecosmetic department’s latest venture into whether lip sticks, lip stains, or lip glosses are more proftiable.” Jumin cast aside the single page of what looked to be an article spreading yet more disgusting rumors about him and the company. The sheet missed the trash and glided gently to the carpeted floor of his office.

        Jaehee picked up the paper, handing it back to him once more. “You seemed distressed by the latest articles, and I found one that was factual and thought you might appreciate seeing truths about you in the press.” She tried handing it back to him. “She talked about all he charity work you do, and how you’ve invested in enviornmentally friendly-”

        “I am not curious. I don’t care what they print about me.” Jumin took the paper and crumbled it up. “I am not seeking anyone’s approval.” He didn’t miss the trash this time, tossing it in.

        Jaehee flinched at the action, and nodded, “I apologize, Mr. Han.” She opened up another folder on his desk, “These are the reports you were looking for.”

~MC has entered the chat~

        Jaehee looked at the name of the stranger who found their way into Luciel’s messenger app. MC. It was familiar, it could be a coincidence, but it seemed too suspicious to be a coincidence. She would have to look into it.

        As MC was questioned by everyone in the RFA Jaehee noted the formal, straightforward way she typed. As well as her apparent interest in Mr. Han. The strangers typing style also invoked a feeling of familiarity, this was beginning to bug her. MC was like an itch she couldn’t quite scratch, she just had to put her finger on the issue. Besides the issue of a stranger getting into the chat.

        “Jumin Han. Jumin Han heir to C&R?” MC asked in the chat. Internally MC was freaking. Four years she wrote about him, it was childish. Not her articles, no, those were good. Good enough to pay bills. Her heart and feelings right now were childish, her nerves were burning up. It’s him! Handsome, successful, ambitious, and secretly sweet. MC had him pegged, she believed she didn’t have to be a private investigator to read Jumin Han.

        “I will not disclose my private information to someone who has just hacked their way into a private chatroom.” Jumin responded in the chat, just before leaving.          MC was hurt, stupidly enough, by his immediate disinterest in her. She can’t blame him at all, she could only blame herself for getting her hopes up. Especially considering the situation.

~Day 4~

>MC. You’re a reporter aren’t you? I find it odd you aren’t writing under a false name, or that you used your real name when you joined our chat.

>You’ve read my articles? The ones about Jumin?

>Yes, I skim through many of articles when he creates new projects to gauge public interest. Your articles were among the few that strayed from exaggerated writings and rumors. What I find odd is how.. interested you are in Mr. Han.

>I only write the truth and what I personally find interesting. Jumin is interesting to me. His cold demeanor hides what I think, underneath, is a kind man. When I look at his priorities as a business man and the projects and charities he funds, I can’t help but see a great man.

> Forgive me when I say this, but.. You are... quite odd.

        Jaehee searched online for more of MC’s articles and began printing them. She organized them by most recent to as far as three years back. She put them into a plain folder and took the elevator up to Mr. Han’s office, and knocked before entering. “Mr. Han I request, in your spare time, you read these articles. There are many, but they were written by the woman who recently joined the RFA.”         “Articles..? She’s a reporter?” Jumin held out his hand for the folder. “Did she join the RFA to simply spy on C&R?” Was that why MC had been so kind to him, so happy to speak with him? It’s odd, he would feel.. hurt? Yes, he would be hurt if MC was only interested in spying, rather than him.         Jaehee handed him the folder of articles written by MC, “No, I don’t believe so. She seems to admire C&R.. and you. I cannot also help but notice, for the sake of honesty, your interest you seem to have in her.” She didn’t look at her boss as she said the last sentence, too embarrassed for such words. It was not her business.         He opened the folder and flipped through some of the first few pages, “I will skim through them when time allows. I believe you have work to do.”          Jaehee nodded and quickly left Jumin’s office. 

        After his assistant left Jumin began to read the articles, and oddly felt a sense of satisfaction reading how MC praised him. Her writing did not hide her admiration for Jumin’s intelligence, kindness, and ethics. In the chat she did not shy from showing her support of him opening up, and talking about his passions. MC was an odd woman, he’s never talked to someone like her. He can almost hear her voice when reading her writing. Almost. 

        He should call her again, to make sure he remembers exactly how her voice sounds. Maybe she would read from the articles. “Jumin Han, the face of charity in capitalism.” “C&R’s most giving and hardest worker, Jumin Han.”

~Day 8~

        MC never thought she’d actually have the chance to meet Jumin Han for an interview or at a press conference, much less as a friend. Or were they more than that? She couldn’t, in her wildest dreams, imagine sleeping in his bed or having him buy her clothes, cooking for her, or saying such kind things to her. Maybe this was a dream. She would never want to wake up.

         She knows she came here because no one else would be able to comfort him, but she couldn’t help but feel fate was tying them together for some other reason. It was like little red strings tied them together, and the closer they got the more everything unraveled.

         Mc was lying on the couch on her phone, and from the corner of her eye she could see Jumin observing her in a chair across the living room. She couldn’t help but blush, she was, at the moment, the object of his full attention. He let out a sigh, and she thought he smiled. Heat kept blooming in her cheeks, like flowers blossoming in spring. 

        “MC, I don’t wish to interrupt what you’re doing, but.. I can’t help but be curious as to why you’re blushing.”

        His voice was something she couldn’t get use to, it sounded so different on television or the radio, or over the phone. Silky, it wrapped around her and put her in a trance. The subject of her interests and writings was there across the room, a giving soul and a handsome face. Whenever she wrote she felt like a school girl writing in her diary about her secret crush, and she never would have thought-

        “You’re going to drive me to insanity if you don’t answer me,” Jumin told her as he got up from his seat and approached her. “I hope it’s not Zen.. He hasn’t told you you’re in his dreams, has he?”         MC looked up at him, letting her phone drop next to her on the couch. “Oh no, it was..” Her voice trailed off, he knelt next to the couch, leveling his eyes with hers. “How are you feeling? Jaehee is worried, I am too.”         He didn’t answer her question, maybe because she didn’t answer his. “Your writing is phenominal, you have so much integrity. How long have you been writing about me and my company?”         “At least four years. Have you read my articles?”

        He nodded, as his eyes studied every inch of her face. He liked her eyes the best, they were soft and kind. Easy to look at. Her lips were beautiful, too, very welcoming. They were so close to his. “Four years.. I never acknowledged you for four years, I never noticed your hard work.. I never noticed you appreciated my hard work. I’m sorry.”         “Y-you don’t need to be sorry about anything! I’m not a big name writer, the company I work for is small, I can’t blame you.  Besides no one likes articles that highlight your many, many achievements, mostly your face.”         “My face?” He looked amused. Wait, was he blushing now?         “No! I misspoke not your face.. the.. RFA!” Oh my god, MC you idiot. “People like your face, I like your face. No, I don’t- Okay, hold on. Your face is good, like the RFA and your work, but people don’t like talking about your efforts and your heart. People talk about your good face.” How could she say all of that with his face right there. How come he had to be stupidly handsome and amazing in every sense? “D-don’t get me wrong! I like your face and your work, I didn’t only write about your face.” He was looking at her like she wasn’t a rambling fool, but his gaze was soft. Her words, though disasterous, captured him. They were both so odd.

        Jumin Han, if he was not before, was very aware of MC’s little crush on him. This was.. pleasing to him. He enjoyed her company and the attention she gave him, and he appreciated the space she gave him to open up. She was important to him, and he never expected her to become so important in the strange circumstances they met, or in such short time. Jumin never would have thought a reporter who wrote about his charity and company would be the one to work at untying the knotted threads inside his head.  ~Day 10~

       MC had been sent home, and Jumin was sitting in his living room. Elizabeth the III was curled up on his lap while he sipped at wine. He felt alone again, it felt like time hadn’t passed and MC has just a dream. He was well aware he’d see her in less than 24 hours. He knew he could easily text or call her, as well.

        His phone screen next to him lit up, and he could only hope it was from MC. He quickly put down his glass and opened up his phone. It was a message from Assistant Kang. 

>You may want to read this.

        She had attached a link to a website, he didn’t want to be faced with rumors of his father, his engagement, or anything. He couldn’t with MC so far from his side.  >MC wrote it, Mr. Han.         He expected an old news article about him or C&R, but on his phone popped up an odd blog. MC’s blog where she would post articles or updates on old articles, like when a project from two years was finished or dismissed. 

        The most recent post read: “It would be impossible for me to continue writing about someone and something so dear to me without being impartial. My integrity as an honest reporter is important to me, but even more important is my happiness and the happiness of my friends, family, and partner. I put down my pen and paper, I pushed aside my laptop, and I quit my job. Thank you to my company, my readers, my friends, my family, and Jumin Han. Tomorrow, everything changes.” ~Day 11~         A ex-reporter, in a dress she could never have afforded as a reporter, stood in the center of a banquet hall of a charity party she organized. The heir to C&R knelt in front of her, her hand in his gloved hand. His lips were on her hand. Cameras flashed and reporters ate up the scene in front of them, Sarah and Glam Choi were screaming at them and throwing their greedy fits for attention. Jumin and MC were in their own little world, away from the reporters, away from greedy women, and they were happier than anyone could ever know.

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

[clairen45]

The Millenium Falcon: That’s My Ship!

My thoughtful Anon sent me one last long ask before coming out of anonymity. So I’m calling you out @lightaroundthecorner, and bid you an official welcome into the community. Wishing you all the best! This is how it went... I thought it was funny you assumed the “CocoReylo” moniker for a while. This was actually a pun for my French-speaking Reylos, since Cocorico is the rooster’s cry in French (and roosters are the emblem of France). It is a good one though, especially since you brought up Coco, the movie, the first time you reached out to me.

Hey Clairen, it’s the Coco Reylo Anon lol. Thx for the reply insight and analysis ♡(´ ▽｀).。! I’m also debating if I am glad or not I am a 2nd waver, but in the end I am just glad I did jump on the ship 3 months ago! It might sound odd but all the meta’s I’ve been reading really make my day and help me grow and better understand a story I love so much. It is a wonderful fandom! After what you wrote about creating a Tumblr account I am seriously considering it! I’ll let you know when I create. I’m also not a grand fan of the new BatB film and have my fair share of issues with it, but having watched it after hearing a great amount of comments I decided to go to the movie and see if I could make sense of the plot emotionally speaking and I’m glad it worked! It is crazy how these plots end up having so much in common (they are so organic / happen to naturally parallel). I never thought about the book / mirror and rose parallels but I loved what you brought! I remember wayward Jedi mentioning that a wilted flower represents lack of love. Rey’s parents are not coming back and Beast could only be saved if he loved someone and that person loved him back. The Heroine journey is truly about intimacy and belonging (Ben and Rey need each other’s magic). Now what hit me hard was the MF parallel!!! Never thought of that, although I admit I have this canon in my head that after Ben comes back he will feel he can’t stay with everyone and act like nothing happened. So, in a  way like his father, he would feel the need to travel with no destination in mind (a need to see the galaxy and try to see things from a different perspective, as well as time to center himself and heal), but he wouldn’t think about getting the MF, for obvious reasons. Rey would sense/know it (I just love how much they understand each other without really saying everything) and when he is decided to leave she would convince him they should get the MF and without saying a “proper goodbye” they would go. I also think that Finn, Rose and Leia would understand an indirect “see you soon”, because they will see everyone again. In my canon I am not sure if Chewie would go with them or not, but I still think he would be with them again. So that Reylo can be associated with Persephone and Hades and MF 3 brains with Cerberus is just really crazy! Especially when we consider the fact that MF is the home he makes amends to (it was Han, Chewie, Luke and Leia’s home, and to go back to it means comeback to his family like you said, being accepted and loved). MF has also been compared to the Chariots of Gods that protected the Skywalker siblings from the Emperor and Vader. The fact that Rey goes to Luke in the MF, later to Kylo and later to save the Resistance, all seems to hint this is where Ben/Kylo should be. The anger he has for the “piece of junk” equals the anger and longing for his family, and it’s always with him. Ok, this got long again o.o’’’. See you soon!                                                                      

So, dear Anon who is no longer anon but now @lightaroundthecorner, sorry I took so long to answer. As I was telling other fellow bloggers, real life caught up a bit with me lately. Nothing but good things, but I haven’t been able to properly monitor my account for a while, besides the reblogs and short comments. Sorry, because I am late in my meta projects (sigh), and also I am late in my asks (I have not forgotten you, nice people who send me great questions, do not worry! I promise I will answer shortly!).  (Gif found on @reylo-hill)

I am just adding on and expanding from your previous comments. Yep, the MF is probably the core of the ST. Everything revolves around it, and they have distilled so many clues about it, its role, and what it represents for every character, and how they come to interact with it. It is not just the nostalgia and the old jokes about Han’s piece of garbage. The MF, for some reason, though it comes from Han’s side, has come to stand for something important in the Skywalker’s family: their future, something that is, if you think about it, rather paradoxical. This piece is an antique, a thing of the past. But no, in the ST, the MF is really the future. Because something about the MF points to Ben Solo all the time, and Ben is, after all, the only future left for the Skywalker family. Of course the Skywalkers would look to the MF as a place of nostalgia: this is where Luke’s big adventure began, what saved him in ANH and ESB, where Leia and Han fell in love and first kissed. Han and his ship seem as inseparable as Han and Chewie. Funny thing, though, is that at the end of ROTJ, Han had -very reluctantly- moved on from the MF, lending it back to Lando (even if just temporarily), as if he was symbolically ready to grow up and start a new life with Leia. And it would have made sense to see him start something like that.

But in TFA they decided to bring back the MF, and despite the usual critiques on TFA about the fact that the movie was just a rehash for the nostalgic of the OT, I think the choice to pull out the MF out of retirement meant something important. It was there, as a matter of fact, on the Vanity Fair cover that was bringing us the new characters and the old, the common thread between them all, what creates the connection.

They did not JUST use the MF to make us feel fuzzy inside. Nope, the MF has a story to tell. The first obvious thing is the path to HOME.

And who needs to go back home? Not Han... Han does not really pine for home... He is a roamer, always been. But Ben... The MF is and will be the HEART of the ST, because the ST is about the fight for Ben’s HEART. if the MF has always been Han’s pride and joy, what about little Ben? Of course he was his father’s pride and joy. Check out that cutesy promotion for Empire’s End:

And just read the few lines at the end of Aftermath’s Empire’s End when Han talks to his baby boy... Heart wrenching....

Hey. It’s you and me, kid. Whole damn galaxy against us but we’ll make it through okay. I’m not always gonna be the best dad- c’mon, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I can barely take care of myself. But I’ll always keep us pointed in the right direction...even if we zig and zag a little to get there. There’s your first lesson. Sometimes doing the right thing doesn’t mean following a straight line.

This zig and zag is a bit like the MF itself... And when Han promises his newborn son to point him in the right direction, the MF also plays that part, pointing him to Rey.

Just the way they bring back the MF says something... The MF, just like Ben, has been lost to Han for a while. It has suffered years of neglect and tampering with. It has been abandoned and considered lost for good. Ben chose to assume a distinctive archaic look (medieval by our own standards), with the cowl, crossguard, robe. And what about his saber, which, just like the MF is archaic, poorly constructed, rugged. And the MF, surrounded with the relics and the wreckage of the Empire, is also pretty much like Ben, surrounded with other relics of the Empire (the Vader mask, the First Order as the copy of the Empire, the decrepit Snoke).

Also consider the information given by The Visual Dictionary: Unkar Plutt has refused to let the scavengers plunder it because it “can still fly and he has big plans for her”. Just like Snoke has big plans for Ben.. And look at the Breakdown part and the words used:

An energy flux in the motivator bleeds back (...) causing a surge (...). Liquid metal fuel overflows (...) overheating components and rupturing a jucture. The liquid fuel sublimates into a poisonous gas that fills the freighter.

“Bleeding” is the word used by the Sith to turn the kyber crystal of their saber into a fiery red, knowing that, in Ben’s case, he probably bled his own Jedi saber, and not another Jedi’s, as is the Sith custom. “Surge”, “overheating”, “overflow” are all words that evoke, unequivocally, Kylo’s fiery bouts of rage in TFA.

And the term “poisonous” can equally apply to the way Kylo has been, for years, filled with Snoke/snake ‘s poisons, and his own dangerosity. Note that Rey is fully able to circumvent the potential danger posed by the MF.... But all this time, think about it, it was SO close to Rey. It was with her all the time, owned by Unkar Plutt, the very bane of Rey’s existence, which creates yet another invisible thread between them. What about Rey’s epidermic reaction to it: “This is garbage”. That goes, when faced with no other choice to “The garbage will do”. And then, the magic: she can handle it. She knows how to handle it. She understands it instinctively and knows how it clicks. She can figure it out, find what is wrong with it and repair it. She can fix it.

And she also admires it when she realizes what it is: 

Remember Han? He never really could figure it out or repair it for good. She can. Obviously, major outcry about Rey being a Mary Sue! How could she? How dare she? Pilot and fix the MF? But people failed to understand (because it took the ST as a whole, as a perspective) that the MF was a metaphor all along. What Rey’s SPECIAL relationship to the MF was supposed to do is FORETELL us all along what her special relationship to Kylo/Ben Solo would be.

Just like the MF, she first reacts strongly against it. But then she gathers that she will have to deal with it anyways (that is what the Force bonds mean). And eventually, she realizes that she is, indeed,the only one who understands him. Who knows how he functions. Who can handle him. She also comes to respect him. Possibly help fixing him?

What about all these details about the MF that they brought us in the novelization. The hilarious idea that there are three brains in the MF constantly bickering... Just like in Ben Solo’s little head there were probably all these voices bickering and fighting all the time. I will exclude Snoke because he is an alien voice, coming from outside as a parasite to bug and hijack Ben Solo. But the three brains that have been fighting in Ben’s head, couldn’t they be Han, Leia, and Luke, who were respectively supposed to have one movie of the ST centered around them? As if, one by one, the fighting heads would get shut up, and forgiven, to finally find peace.... So yea, the anger he is directing towards the MF can be explained by the anger he is still directing towards his family...

Which is why Kylo has still to remain banned from the MF. In order to get back in, he needs to accept being Ben again. He needs to make peace with Ben Solo, with this part of himself. When I first heard of the deleted scene on TFA where Kylo gets to step inside the MF on Starkiller, I initially thought “Oh, what a shame!”.

  How stupid of me! I know truly believe cutting it was a brilliant move, very coherent on a symbolic and narrative level. Of course, they would and should NOT let Kylo back aboard the MF at this point of the ST... His whole journey is about going back home. And obviously a “home” he can share with Rey (nesting porgs, I already made that point here). We are supposed to see them together aboard the MF on IX. That’s all. Twice, at the end, Rey goes alone aboard the MF and turns back to look behind, turning to look back at HIM, who never makes it to the MF. Rule of 3 applying, he has to make it to the MF eventually. She has to usher him there.

And from Ben, the MF has even come to stand for the relationship between him and Rey. It’s a nest, it’s a home, it’s a future together. I am pretty sure that RJ had his own little wink wink moment at the anti Reylo with the “Blow that piece of junk out of the sky” and “They really hate that ship” on the battle of Crait. If you hate Reylo, pretty much, you should hate the MF and all it stands for at this point.

And what about the new Han Solo movie? Of course they would do a Solo movie. I think they are trying to tie up all the loose strings here and there into a tight story. The MF is the core of the ST. So, in the Solo movie, we will get something about the MF. Remember the emphasis on the dice (and their part in TLJ) in the trailer, this eerily familiar new villain that is reminiscent of Kylo’s mask, and the mad theory I have been cooking with fellow blogger  @antbee17 about the possibility of ...maybe... possibly... pretty please... finger crossing... getting a Harrison Ford voice over at the end narrating the story to an entranced little Ben...

Maybe I am projecting a lot into this (for sure into the Solo movie), but, about the MF and its connection to Ben and Rey, nah, I am pretty sure!