#thulian

[jovialturtleface]

Normal car thoughts

[npc-tess]

Flags for my PnP Campaign

Galantria's flags over the years:

Absolute Monarchy

Civil War

Constitutional Monarchy (the current one)

[dwimmersworn]

Five of the six statues depict distinct male figures in different poses, wearing archaic Thulian dress, but all with the exact same head and face — that of a haughty, bearded man with piercing eyes. Clerics and others with religious knowledge may recognize five of the figures as representations of Thulian gods, and the identical heads as being that of Turms Termax.

The sixth statue depicts an attractive, but hard-faced woman in plain garb. This is Sarana, Turms’ lover, who legends say disappeared shortly before his apotheosis.

Dwimmermount, The Path of Mavors, p. 112

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: On Colour

Describing Colour in your Poetry and Stories

BLACK Shadow Black, Dusk, Midnight, Blackbird, Blackberry, Ebony, Black Honey, Darkness, Jet Black, Ink Black, Soot, Onyx, Licorice, Ivory Black, Pitch, Char, Gloom, Outer Space, Creosote Black, Melanite, Goth Black, Gunpowder

BLUE Blueberry, Sapphire Blue Metallic, Tiffany Blue (Pantone 1837), Cobalt Blue, Denim, Aquamarine, Turquoise, Sky Blue, Topaz, Ultramarine Blue, Azure, Cerulean, Oxford Blue, Periwinkle, Electric Blue, Baby Boy Blue, Pthalo Blue, Robin's Egg Blue, Persian Blue, Marino Blue, Prussian Blue

GREEN Leafy Green, Olive, Moss Green, Jade, Lime, Sour Apple Green, Emerald Green, Mint, Kiwi Green, Phthalo Green, Praying Mantis Green, Viridian, Greenback, Shamrock, Sap Green, Chartreuse, Sea Green, Pistachio, Teal, Bamboo, Sea Salt, Celadon Green, Celery, Asparagus Green, Fern Green, Neon Green, Jungle Green, Pear Green

ORANGE Pumpkin, Burnt Orange, Carrot, Sunset Orange, Tangerine, Persimmon, Salamander, Tennessee Orange (Pantone 151), Jack-o'-lantern Orange, Florida Orange, Summer Squash, Pale Daffodil, Smashed Pumpkin, Saffron, Autumn Orange, Macaroni and Cheese, Cadmium Orange

PINK Pink Flamingo, Neon Pink, Bubblegum Pink, Salmon, Peach, Fuscia, Cotton Candy Pink, Rose, Carnation, Thulian, Apricot, Atomic Pink, Barbie Pink, Hot Pink, Amaranth, Flushed, Glitter Pink

PURPLE Lavender, Purple Haze, Grape, Eggplant Purple, Plum, Violet, Orchid, Psychedelic Purple, Amethyst, Lilac, Boysenberry, Mulberry, Wisteria, Bruised Plum, Indigo, Mauve

RED Blood Red, Copper, Maroon, Strawberry, Watermelon Red, Crimson, Candy Apple Red, Tomato, Brick Red, Scarlet, Cardinal Red, Cherry, Ruby Red, Coral, Sunburn, Hot Lava, Cadmium Red, Auburn, Blush, Alizarin Crimson, Fire Engine Red, Raspberry, Vermillion, Lipstick, Burgundy, Magenta, English Vermilion, Mahogany

WHITE Dirty White, Albino, Chalk, Alabaster, Cotton, Titanium White, Vanilla, Bone White Egg Shell, Marshmallow, Ivory, Pearl White, Almond, Champagne, Blond, Cream, Milky White, Corn Silk, Bleach, Navajo White, Ghost White, Light, Cloud White

YELLOW Canary Yellow, Lemon, Banana, Egg Yolk Yellow, Mellow Yellow, Chanterelle, Mustard Yellow, Corn, Goldenrod, Amber, Pineapple, Metallic Gold, Cadmium Yellow, Wheat, Tuscan Sun, Butter, School Bus Yellow, Yellow Ochre, Citron, Dandelion

BROWN Mud Brown, Beaver, Caramel, Rust, Macaroon, Toasty Brown, Coffee, Sandy Tan, Cocoa, Honey, Chocolate, Burnt Sienna, Mocha, Seashell, Antique Brass, Bronze, Brown Sugar, Chestnut Brown, Taupe, Burnt Umber, Khaki, Dark Sienna, Light Chocolate, Sepia

GRAY Stone Gray, Ash, Metallic Silver, Platinum, Smoke, Concrete Gray, Mercury, Steel Gray, Mist, Titanium, Charcoal, Slate, Sterling Silver, Tungsten, Old Coin Gray, Iron Gray, Chrome, Magnesium, Overcast

MIXED Candy Cane (red and white), Zebra (black and white), Chameleon (many different colours), Ladybug (black and red), Wildfire (yellow, orange and red), Tiger (orange, black and white), Yellow Jacket (black and yellow), Christmas Lights (red, white and green), Rainbow (red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet), Black Pepper (black and gray), Leopard (spotted gold and black), Creamsicle (orange and white), Candy Corn (orange and white), Iceberg (a bluish gray), Marbled

COLOURS: Symbolisms, Associations & Psychological Effects

Black. Especially in Gothic literature from the West, a black colour choice often represents death, evil, grief, and depression. Associated with fear, the unknown and often has a negative connotation. Black clothes can make you look thinner. A black background severely diminishes the readability of most type. Often the go to colour for funerals and grieving. It symbolizes stability and power, which gives a sense of authority. Thus, the black colour often represents professionalism and expertise.

Blue. Has positive and negative connotations in colour psychology. Some writers may use blue to represent serenity and tranquility, instilling a scene with a calming effect. Blue can also signify sadness, melancholy, or isolation. People who find someone very loyal and faithful are often called "true blue". Blue is often considered to be more masculine which is why it is often the colour of choice when choosing a suit. Lighter blues are associated with tranquility, softness and healing. Darker blues are associated with power, knowledge and seriousness. Blue is actually shown to suppress appetites a bit. The colour blue symbolizes wisdom and hope. It’s the colour of peace and confidence. Blue has been shown to reduce blood pressure and pulse rate. It fosters serenity and a sense of belonging.

Green. The colour green often symbolizes rebirth, growth, peace, jealousy, and greed. Green colours may also represent spring and renewal. It is a colour that is very easy on the eyes. Dark green is often associated with ambition. Green suggests stability, safety and hope. At the same time, it may denote a lack of experience in a particular field. Green symbolizes peace, growth, and nature. It is the colour of success, promoting healing and tranquility.

Orange. The colour orange often represents energy, excitement, joy, and creativity. Since orange is the colour of fire, it may also symbolize heat. Since orange is not as aggressive as red, it can actually stimulate brain activity. It is very useful to catch someone's attention, which is why it's used a lot to advertise food and toys.

Pink. The colour pink symbolizes love, kindness, femininity, innocence, and playfulness. Certain shades of pink can limit aggression. Pink may be associated with unconditional love and caring.

Purple. Often associated with royalty, the colour purple symbolizes bravery, spirituality, and luxury. Light purple usually brings up romantic or nostalgic feelings; while a darker shade can make you feel gloomy or sad.

Red. The colour red symbolizes some of the most powerful human emotions, like passionate love or lust. On the other side of the spectrum, this warm colour is also the colour of blood, often symbolizing anger, danger, and violence. It stimulates the appetite. Red is an emotionally intense colour associated with energy, danger, anger, passion and determination. The symbolic meaning associated with the colour red is passion, excitement, and love. It’s the colour of urgency, power, and desire. Red is said to boost hunger and is believed to inspire confidence and excitement. This colour has also been found to increase blood pressure and heart rate.

White. This primary colour traditionally symbolizes innocence, peace, and cleanliness. In Western cultures, the colour white also represents purity and virginity, while it symbolizes mourning in some East Asian cultures. Usually has positive connotations when used and thought of as safe. Associated a lot with healing, simplicity and sterility, which is why it's used in hospitals and healing centers as much as it is. The symbolic meaning of the colour white is truth and sometimes even indifference. It encourages feelings of safety and cleanliness. Clean, white clothes and linens show sterility since stains are easily visible. That’s why doctors and nurses frequently wear white lab coats and scrubs.

Yellow. Writers may use the colour yellow to symbolize creativity, happiness, optimism, and warmth—think of a yellow ray of sunlight poking out from a dark cloud. A common negative connotation of the color yellow is cowardice, popularized by the phrase “yellow-bellied.” Warming effect which stimulates body and mind. Gold is associated with the highest of luxury. When bright yellow is used with black it's one of the easiest colour combinations to see from long distances; when uses with lighter colours it's not so easy to see. Yellow ribbons are worn as a symbol of hope and used quite often to welcome home loved ones. Yellow is the colour of warmth, kindness, and happiness. It’s often associated with optimism and well-being and promotes energy.

Brown. This warm, earthy brown colour may symbolize dependability, comfort, and a sense of being grounded. Brown is also a neutral colour, and writers may use it to represent dullness and predictability. Brown is a colour that is related to very grounded traits such as simplicity, practicality, common sense and hard work. Can also be associated with those that are frugal and not too flashy.

Gray. Lighter grays are often thought of as more feminine while darker grays more masculine. Gray is considered by many to be a neutral colour; the perfect balance between light and dark / good and evil. Pop up the lighter grays and add a little shine to it, and thought immediately turns to silver, which correlates to wealth.

Sources & other related articles: 1 2 3 4 5

If these writing notes helped with your poem/story, please tag me. Or leave a link in the replies. I'd love to read them!

[aphroditesswan]

pink dolphin sunset

stoner suna rintarou x latina stoner reader 

warnings : weed usage, mention of lighters and smoke cuz well,, it’s weed. implied underaged smoking also terrible google translate spanish cause i didn’t grow up latin i grew up filipino so i’m a no sabo kid 😭🙏 

notes : book of life ref if u haven’t seen it go see it NOWWWWW. all lowercase is intended btw.

summary : suna had invited you on a date, just to lounge around and smoke in his car late at night and wow, how could you ever possibly refuse that offer?? 

genre : mostly fluff i think 

suna was always plain faced. he always had this look in his eyes that could only be described as empty but not in the sad way, in the way that there simply wasn’t a thought behind those dark, almost beady eyes. 

well, except for when he looked at you. 

the eyes that showed nothing but boredom would suddenly soften at the mention of you, at the sight of you, at hearing your voice or even catching your eyes in a brief meaningless glance across the room. 

you don’t even know how you got here. you’re sitting in the front seat of his car, some tory lanez song playing cause you shuffled his playlist, one he totallyyy didn’t make in advance for when this happened, talking and sharing a bong with a bowl that’s been packed maybe ten times. 

it’s safe to say the both are high and throughly dumbed out. suna’s ignoring the vibrating messages from his pocket, only staring into your eyes as he holds the light to the bowl to light it up for you like any good man would do. you wait, sucking up the smoke once the time comes, throwing your head back to make a couple ‘o’s with the smoke. it’s the best you can do for now, a bit too focused on the lovesick eyes the man in the drivers seat is giving you.

it’s not his fault you’re nothing but perfection in his eyes, he can’t help but admire how nice you look sitting in the passenger seat of his sleek black challenger with the seat of his black fabric on the passenger seat covered with the fluffy thulian pink colored cushion he had bought just for you once you agreed to do this with him. he had been practically waiting, begging any and all gods above for this moment since he heard from your best friend and the annoying atsumu that you smoked. 

he was so focused on your pretty face that he hadn’t noticed you took the lighter from him, taking another hit from the bong while he was distracted. as you went to take yet another hit, he snapped out of his daze and narrowed his eyes at you. 

“aw come on, with all you’re smoking you owe me some weed. plus, it’s not your turn. hand it over, pretty.” 

he held onto the bottom of the bong, smirking a bit as he gentle took it from you, searching the cup holders for the small lighter when he looked up and saw you holding it with your index and middle finger out to him. he snatched it, both of you rolling your eyes at the behavior of the other but really he was soooo entrances with you. he lit the bowl up, sucking up the smoke and inhaling, turning his head to blow it at you who blew straight air back at him and swatted his second hand smoke away. 

“so you can blow all your smoke in my car but when I blow back at you, ‘s a problem?” 

“I never said it was, estúpido. I just don’t want you blowing your dank ass smoke en mi cara.” 

the side of your lips pulled into a small smirk as she leaned sideways toward you, smirking up at you as he tilted his head down. 

“you know… I think ‘s sooooo nice hearin you speak spanish. can’t understand a think y’ say though.” 

you stayed silent as you looked down at him with narrowed eyes, a giddy smile tugging at your lips upon hearing his words. 

“mhm… go on…?” 

“cocky now, are we sweetness? i’d say… you just sound sooo much more… magnetic. don’t get me wrong, hearing you speak normal is hypnotic in itself but something about the natural you voice when you speak spanish… it’s so much better.” 

“maybe you should learn if you’re so desperate.” 

“will that win you over? or was book of life too much for you to handle still.” 

“He died for her!” 

“n’ came back to life, pretty thing. I can’t do that. trust me, if I could I would for you, doll.” 

“aw how sweet, hand me the bong.” 

He chuckled a bit as he handed the bong back to you, the bowl nearly empty now. he lit it up, and you repeated the motions from earlier, except you blew it in his face this time. 

“wowwww, how mature of you.” 

“why thank you rin, i try.” 

he takes it back from you yet again, setting down the now empty bong in a cup holder. 

“sooo… what’s the plan?” 

“ion know,, what you tryna do?” 

he jokingly moves the drivers seat back, smirking a bit but behind it was a stupid, giddy smile. as he goes to put his hands behind his head, you hit him in the arm to which he breaks his front and laughs out loud, leaning away from you and holding his hit arm. 

“ouch, that hurt you know. maybe you should be on volleyball instead of me, huh sweets?” 

“i swear there’s something so wrong with you. estas absolutamente loco.” 

“not my fault you’re so pretty.” 

he shrugs, putting the seat back into its original position and his hands on the steering wheel as he stared at the small empty gas station a couple yards from the car. you two were parked at the very end of the small parking lot, music blasting and smoke spilling out of the slightly open windows of the small sleek black car. 

maybe dates with the ever so “stoic” suna rintarou weren’t so bad.

FIRST FIC JITTERSSS AAAAA i gen hope you guys like it this is like my first fic in so long that i’m actually proud of and i hope this gets me more confident and helps me write more :DD

[newabsolum]

🍄 Here's the main attraction of Thulia, Ablith!

Coming from Kairos, a giant wood growing at the center of the Purelake, Ablith was taken away as a tiny seed in secret. Down the river bends, the people who protected Ablith watched it go from a sapling, into a strong oak on the side of their settlement's cliffs.

Now it protects the Thulian people, and is worshiped heavily for its presence.

[tumblermakesapodcast]

or another, which you'll have to submit and we'll pit against the winner here in a later poll

what's going on?

[susartwork]

-UNDERWIZARD SECONDARY CHARACTERS-

English isn’t my first language, sorry in case of misspelling.

-GASTER- Age: ±400 years old - ✧boss monster✧ Magic color: lilac Gender: male Pronouns: he/him Orientation: homosexual

Extra info: - He has been an omnipresent being for the past 4 years. (I won't explain here how the Void and his omnipresent powers work). - He was one of the main figures of the Great War. The cracks on his body and holes in his hands are the scars left. - A goopster, a jokester, and a good dadster. - He has loved Grillby for nearly three hundred years, but he has always been rejected :C - He uses sophisticated words just to show he's smart. - A stupid genius. - °Slaps egg° this boy can fit so much trauma.

-GRILLBY- Age: ±420 years old - ✧boss monster✧ Magic color: mix of colors - orange and blue Gender: male Pronouns: he/him Orientation: open to interpretation

Extra info: - He has a wife and a daughter. Both fire elementals. - He always felt like an uncle to Sans and Papyrus after Gaster's... death, but tries to distance himself. - Religious man. Believes in the good Angel of the Delta Rune. - He fought on the front lines of the Great War. There his soul was damaged and now it's difficult for him to speak. - Uses sign language. One of his regular customers translates for him. - Monsters rarely have multiple colors of magic. It can happen that a child takes more than one color from the parent's DNA when born.

-MUFFET- Age: 24 Magic color: thulian pink Gender: female Pronouns: she/her Orientation: bisexual

Extra info: - She loves wearing hair accessories and especially bows. A lot of bows. - She may act sweet and kind, don't trust her. You don't want to become part of those pastries you're eating right now. - She’s dating Papyrus in secret <3 - Though she dislikes Sans, and Sans dislikes her. - Her giant spider pet is called Cubcake.

UW!Mettaton EX design and ref made by @nova2cosmos Thank you so much! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) I added a few headcanons to it as you see

-NAPSTABLOOK- Age: 27 years old Magic color: magenta Gender: agender Pronouns: any (mostly uses they/them) Orientation: open to interpretation

Extra info: - They sell tickets to use a cable railway that will take you to a town above Waterfall, called "Raintown". - No one is allowed to see their face except the family. If you do, their echoing screams will slowly explode your brain. - They keep trying to reconnect with Mettaton, failing. However, they sometimes get a few visits from Silver. - They're also doing their best to be a good neighbor to Undyne.

-METTATON- Age: 29 years old Magic color: french blue Gender: male Pronouns: he/him Orientation: open to interpretation

Extra info: - His main weapon is an electric whip, but he's armed like a tank. - Despite not paying much attention to Alphys, he's always willing to help her, as he's in debt. - Often argues with Sans about his "bad friendship" with her. - Founder of the “Human Fanclub”. Alphys and Sans (<- didn't want to accept) are the only members.

Silver is based on the Undertale OC Red by @/taxiderby

-SILVER- Age: 26 years old Magic color: silver of course Gender: demigirl Pronouns: she/her - they/them - it/its Orientation: ??? (she won't tell you)

Extra info: - Undyne's 1# rival. They're also best friends. - Despite spending years together, you'll find out that you know little to nothing about her. - She always speaks politely and mysteriously. She likes to see others frustrated with her behavior.

[wannabyou]

╰─▸ ❝  ✎ . . . i feel it hot like a big rush of adrenaline ༄࿔

WANNAB (KR: 워너브) is an eight-membered k-pop boy group under CreativeColor Entertainment. The group was formed by the survival show "WANNABE IDOL", which took 38 trainees from the company to compete in several different games and challenges to form an eight-membered group based off the viewer's top picks. The group debuted on April 24, 2022 with the song "KEEPING IT GROOVY".

꒰༊*·˚ ┊ GROUP PROFILE! ꒱

COMPANY :: creativecolor ent. DEBUT DATE :: april 24, 2022 SURVIVAL SHOW :: wannab idol DEBUT SONG :: KEEPING IT GROOVY MEMBERS :: songjae ,, sungwoo ,, riwoo ,, hinata ,, moon ,, kwon ,, wei ,, juno GREETING :: 'i wannabe you! hello, we are wannab!' FANDOM NAME :: bibi FANDOM COLOR :: bright pink ,, bubblegum ,, thulian

꒰༊*·˚ ┊ @ SOCIALS! ꒱

INSTAGRAM :: wannab_official YOUTUBE :: WANNAB 워너브 TWITTER (X) :: WANNAB_official MEMBERS' TWITTER (X) :: WANNABIBI TIKTOK :: wannabu FANCAFE :: WANNAB Official WEVERSE :: WANNAB

꒰༊*·˚ ┊ @ LIGHTSTICK! ꒱

BIBISTICK . . . Ver. 1 (Released: June 1, 2022)

BIBIBONGG . . . Ver. 2 (Released: January 5, 2024)

[jovialturtleface]

"You've made a big mistake here, buddy!" "yeah" - Chat and Thulian, probably.

[bhaalbaaby]

five character associations ✨

was tagged by @razrogue 🥺 thank you!

tagging @tallymonster @nocanonhere @mj-bites and whoever else wants to do this~

emotions

flirtatious

anxious

ecstasy

aloof

pensiveness

colors

thulian

cerise

french rose

punch pink

carmine

scents

jasmine

lavender

mangos

strawberry

honeysuckle

objects

pink and red jeweled bodice

accounting journal

black and gold ring with K carved on the inside

peonies

heart-shaped locket with a miniature of some lord on the inside

body language

leaning forward, breasts on display

arms crossed, checking her nails

tail intertwined with another

head tilted down slightly, eyes round and looking up

warm practiced smile

aesthetics

[ardrosims2]

Thulian ages up! Here's hoping he grows into that tiny face. Or that massive head. Depends on which way you look at it, I suppose.

[imagines-ahs]

Chapter Forty-Six: Thulian.

Summary: Wilhemina Venable felt it was finally time to leave Kineros Robotics and get a job with people who weren’t such morons like Jeff and Mutt. What she didn’t expect, however, was for her new boss to be so damn insufferable. She didn’t expect to fall in love with her, either.

Tag List: @mayfair-fleur @mistysswampmud @paulsonsratched @msvenablx @notmeellaannyy @rwoolfe @golddustdykes​ @lovingsarah @slut-for-sarah @geinobinarie​ (message me to be added if interested!)

“Yes.” With her heart starting to go back to its normal speed, Wilhemina took a deep breath. She’s… out of this world. “You can help me if I get lost.”

“Always.” Billie smiled as she caressed Venable’s knee.

Always. Wilhemina bit her lower lip. I shouldn’t be in love so fast. Chuckling to herself, she turned the car on and began to drive. As they stopped at a red light, Venable reached to caress Billie’s hand. It was still astonishing to Wilhemina just how organic Billie Dean’s touch was… she was driving with someone’s hand on her knee and it felt natural. When had she ever stopped to think about that ever being a possibility in her life? The light soon turned green again. The silence between them was comfortable, with only small comments being shared until they eventually got to Billie Dean’s house.

“You remembered it perfectly,” Billie said softly as Venable began to park right in front of the mansion. With a small smile, Wilhemina nodded. Billie Dean bit her lower lip as she was suddenly reminded of the mess her house was. She’ll think I’m absolutely filthy. Billie was definitely not the most organized person in the planet, but she was far from being grimy. A weird type of nervousness crawled inside of Billie Dean. “Um,” she nervously licked her lips as they unbuckled and stepped out of the car. “Eleanor was supposed to have come yesterday, but because of the party I asked her not to…” Wilhemina eyed Billie as they walked to the huge gate, not quite understanding what she meant just yet. “It’s a bit messy,” Billie Dean added.

Oh. Venable bit her inner cheek in order to hold back a grin. Billie was worried about what she’d think of her… that was strangely sweet. “It’s okay,” she shook it off. Billie Dean’s house was Billie Dean’s house, she had nothing to do with it.

I didn’t wash the dishes and I’m sure the living room is a mess. Billie was already embarrassed, and they hadn’t even stepped inside yet. Wilhemina was so organized and had everything perfectly placed in her house, Billie Dean was sure it was going to be a contrast. Will she be less attracted to me because of it? No, that was a stupid thought… her house wasn’t even that messy, to start with. Pushing the huge front door open, Billie stepped aside for Venable to get in. “There it is.”

With her cane tapping on the marble floor, Wilhemina looked around almost in awe; not because the house was huge—it definitely was—but because it was Billie Dean’s. And it screamed Billie Dean. The couches on the living room were white leather, and all the furniture and decorations had a light palette to them, variating from blue to coral to pink. There were a few awards in a huge shelf as well as some books and pictures, and the room was bathing in natural sunlight from the huge windows it had. The pillows on the couch were far from being neatly placed though, and there was a trashcan right in the middle of the living room. Weird. In other times, Venable would have judged; would have thought about how a grown woman had the nerve to keep her house anything other than perfectly tidy. But Wilhemina had been learning a thing or two about being so strict. “It’s a gorgeous living room, indeed.”

“Why, thank you.” Billie Dean had already kicked her shoes off, stepping inside to try and make it more presentable; she grabbed the pillows and set them straight, as well as reaching for the trashcan and pushing it to the corner. “I’m sorry, they were doing my makeup for the party in here and I assumed having a trashcan was easier than allowing trash to collect.” Venable nodded. “It’s usually not that messy,” Billie harped on the same string again. “Eleanor comes three times a week, on Monday she should be here.”

“It’s okay,” Wilhemina repeated, and this time she allowed a tiny smile to lift up the corners of her lips. “It’s not that bad.”

A chuckle left Billie Dean’s cheeks as she finally let go of the pillows—they were still not perfectly placed. “You haven’t seen the kitchen.”

“Show me?”

With another chuckle, Billie nodded. She reached for Venable’s hand and guided her there. As they stepped into the room, honey eyes grew wide as she was reminded of all the frozen pizza she had eaten, for the boxes were stacked in the corner of the room near the trashcan, and two or three plates lay dirty on the sink as well as a few glasses. “I should have kept my mouth shut,” she murmured shyly.

Wilhemina would never, in a million years, accept her kitchen to look like that… good thing it wasn’t her kitchen, right? A lens of sweetness covered her eyes as she looked at the jumble. In order to live, we must create some messes. Someone had told her that a few years ago. Probably her therapist. “That’s a lot of pizza,” she commented with a smile.

“I know!” Billie used her free hand to cover her reddening cheeks. “I was sad.”A hint of sadness touched the smile on Venable’s face. She squeezed Billie Dean’s hand, but didn’t say anything. Oh shit. Billie quickly changed the focus. “Would you—would you like a glass of water? I have juice, too, and wine if you’re feeling like it.”

“I’m alright, thank you.” They hadn’t had lunch already, wine was certainly not an option.

Billie Dean pulled away to grab a glass from the counter, filling it with water. “Are you sure? I might have some soda left, too.”

“I’m positive.” Wilhemina nodded.

Billie took a sip. “If you change your mind, please let me know.”

“I will.”

Finishing her glass, Billie Dean began to guide them to her bedroom, which was upstairs. As soon as Venable eyed the stairs, her hand gripped the cane harsher. She let go of Billie’s hand and reached for the handrail, holding it tightly as she tried to follow up as fast as possible. Billie Dean frowned as the hand let go of hers, looking back only to realize what was going on. Her heart sank for a second, and she wasn’t sure she should really say anything or just let it go. Should she ask if Wilhemina needed any help? Would that be appropriate? Would she feel bad? Billie bit her lip harshly as she slowly followed up, not wanting to rush in front of Wilhemina. “Do you—do you want help?” She asked hesitantly, stopping to look back at Venable once again.

Wilhemina’s knuckles turned white as her cheeks tinted red. She shamefully shook her head, soon holding it back up and making sure her posture was as neat as always. Want. Not need. Even though it probably wasn’t a conscious choice of words, Venable appreciated it. It made her feel less small, and Gosh was she feeling small right now. “No. Thank you.” She kept on taking step by step, leaning heavily on the cane as she did so. Brown eyes avoided honey ones. How is she in love with me? I’m broken. The voice was back again. Wilhemina’s jaw tensed up.

Billie nervously licked her lips and gave Venable a nod. She continued to slowly follow upstairs, eyes closing as she felt like drowning on how uncomfortable she felt. How should she act in situations like this? Why the fuck did I have to want two floors? There was no way past Billie Dean would have known, but she still somehow martyred herself over it. I’ll have to talk about that with her, some other time. Finally arriving upstairs, Billie offered a hand to Wilhemina again. “My bed is probably a mess,” she tried, hoping to make the awkwardness go away.

Inside her mind, Venable was back at fighting with the derogatory thoughts; they bombarded her. You’re broken. You’ll never be enough for her. You don’t deserve her. She’ll soon get tired of you. Her palm no longer felt good against Billie Dean’s, all of a sudden. No no no. Stop it. She forced her fingers to wrap around Billie’s. At the comment, she smiled the best she could and shook her head, trying to bring herself out of her inner turmoil. “It’s okay.”

As they stepped into Billie Dean’s bedroom, honey eyes grew in shame at the way her covers were all messily pilled up on the bed, and a glass or two stood on her nightstand. To top it all off, a plastic bag full of used tissues hung on one of the drawers. Fuck my life. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, quickly walking to grab the bag and shoving it inside the nightstand.

Watching Billie blush because of her caused all the voices inside Wilhemina’s head to lower a notch. She bit her lower lip, smiling a little. The room was a mess alright, but it was Billie Dean’s mess. “It’s okay,” she said, yet again.

“You must think I’m a nightmare to share a house with,” Billie Dean teased. Seriously, she probably does. Her cheeks kept on tinting.

Agreeing with Billie’s statement would have been Venable’s first reaction had she not known Billie Dean’s lifestyle. How was Billie supposed to keep a house this size tidy when she barely had time to sleep? That’s why she has a maid, after all. “You work a lot.” Yes, taking the glasses to the kitchen wouldn’t hurt, and having at least a trashcan to place the plastic bag inside was common decency, but Wilhemina decided to ignore that. Because frankly, she liked Billie too much for it to carry a heavy weight.

“It was a tough week,” Billie Dean breathed out without thinking much. Venable nodded, but didn’t say anything. “After seeing all this… am I still welcome to spend the night at your place?” She teased again. With a small chuckle and with her nerves finally giving up and starting to relax, Wilhemina nodded. “Yay,” Billie chuckled back. She took a step closer to Venable and lovingly pecked her lips, lingering there for a second. A hand sneaked around her waist, holding her there. Billie Dean smiled, gently pulling away. She stared at brown eyes, hands caressing Venable’s hips . “On a more serious note,” her voice was now a bit firmer. “I’m not that messy. I mean—I’m not that messy while sharing my space. I—I respect people’s boundaries. I wouldn’t mess your place, that’s what I mean.”

She’s nearly stumbling over her words. Wilhemina didn’t think she’d ever have that effect on someone—at least not in a good way. Most people stumbled over words because they were intimidated by her. With her smile spreading timidly, she nodded. And her hand made sure to caress the soft spot where it landed on Billie’s back. “I know. I’m not worried about that.” Mostly because she hadn’t stopped to think about that yet.

Billie Dean nodded and kissed her again. Her lips were as soft as one supposed a cloud would be. “Come on,” she barely whispered as she pulled away, grabbing Venable’s hand and guiding her into the closet. Wilhemina could barely believe how many clothes she saw there, not to mention Billie had shelves just for her shoes, purses and accessories, as well as a huge full body mirror and a large vanity. Billie Dean took her to a small couch in the middle of the room, and Venable quickly took a seat. With a smile, she bent down to kiss her once more. “I’ll just change and grab a few things.”

“It’s no rush,” Wilhemina murmured against Billie’s lips. They kissed again before Billie Dean finally pulled away.

“Oh,” she back down. “Can you unzip me?” Billie turned around. “I can do it myself, but since you’re here…”

“Of course.” Reaching up, Venable carefully pulled the delicate piece south. Her fingertips burned as freckled skin appeared underneath the material, revealing more and more of Billie. She gulped, pulling away when it was done and revealing the tiniest bit of lace from Billie Dean’s underwear.

“Thank you.” Billie held the dress close to herself and got back up. She walked to a more secluded area, where Wilhemina couldn’t really see her, and discarded the dress aside. Now, only in her panties, she reached for a pair of jeans and a sweater. After getting dressed, Billie Dean walked back to the room to collect a few things. Underwear, pajamas, cigarettes, perfume, phone charger… She set everything inside a handbag, and all the while, dark brown eyes were glued on her; Venable watched Billie’s every move, eyes scanning her unabashedly, passing up and down through her body with a different kind of intention. “I’m all set,” Billie Dean turned around to Wilhemina. Her insides twisted at the look Venable had on her face. She’s been watching me. The hair that stood up on the back of her neck made a lot of sense.

“Alright.” Wilhemina licked her dry lips, reaching for her cane to get up. She finally looked away. How can someone look so good in jeans? She took a deep breath.

“I just need to find some shoes.” Billie walked to one of the shelves and reached for a pair of white sneakers. Her feet needed a break from heels. She quickly put it on and turned back around. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Venable reached for Billie Dean’s hand and they both walked out of the bedroom and to the stairs. This time, Billie quickly let go of Wilhemina to allow her to better go downstairs. It was easier to go down than up, for Venable.

When they reached the living room, Billie Dean guided them to the front door, fingers tangled with Wilhemina’s again. She could see how Venable eyed her legs from time to time, quickly looking away right after. A small smirk touched her lips. As she opened the front door and Wilhemina stepped outside, Billie allowed herself to stare at Venable’s butt for a bit longer; she bit her inner cheek and looked away to lock the door as soon as Wilhemina looked back at her. “We can order something for lunch, later,” she decided to speak so her inappropriate thoughts didn’t consume her.

“Sure,” Venable nodded. She forced herself to stop staring so much at Billie Dean, but how could she stop when that woman was wearing jeans? They walked to the huge gate and Billie stopped to set the alarm there; once she did it, they finally stepped outside. Wilhemina already reached for the car keys. “Are you hungry already?”

“No,” Billie shook her head. “Are you?”

“No.” Venable unlocked the car, but before she could reach for her door, Billie Dean was already opening it for her. Warmth made its way to her cheeks. She offered her a timid smile. “Thank you.”

Smiling brightly, Billie nodded. “Of course.” She leaned closer and pecked Wilhemina’s cheek, because she could.

Holding back a sweet chuckle, Venable got into the car. How is she real? She bit her lower lip to stop her smiling from growing too much. Billie Dean soon joined her inside, and once they buckled up Wilhemina began to drive. A hand landed on her knee, caressing it. Venable’s brown eyes fell down to it for a second, and her cheeks kept on fighting with the expanding smile. “Your nails are always so beautifully done… how do you maintain them?” she asked after a second of silence.

“Oh,” Billie Dean eyed the hand that caressed Wilhemina’s knee. “They’re gel extensions.” Venable hummed, and honey eyes noticed how she seemed to frown a little. “Every two weeks I get them done. My former agent advised me to always have my hands in order, since I talk too much with them. It’s been years since my natural nails have seen the light of day.”

Wilhemina supposed it made sense. She stared at her own nails at the wheel, and part of her felt ashamed that they were kept… natural. She always made sure her nails were clean and cut short, of course, but that was it; sometimes she dared painting them a shade of purple, but it was a rare event. “They’re beautiful.”

Billie couldn’t hold the chuckle that left her lips. She remembered, back when they barely knew each other, how Venable had commented on her nails and how she seemed to not like them. “You don’t mean it,” she teased.

With her frown growing, Wilhemina looked at Billie Dean as they stopped at a red light. “I do.”

“You don’t,” Billie laughed. “You’ve told me you didn’t like them some time ago. It’s okay, they’re not everyone’s cup of tea.” She lovingly squeezed Venable’s knee to make a point.

Damn it. Wilhemina’s cheeks tinted once again. Honesty sometimes costed a lot. “I like them, now.”

“That doesn’t count.”

“It definitely does.” Billie Dean chuckled again. The light turned green, and so Venable had to look away and to the road.

“I’m glad you do, then.” Billie squeezed Wilhemina’s leg one more time, caressing it.

Venable chewed on her bottom lip as she thought. “I suppose I’ve grown used to them… they compliment you.” And they do look sexy. She kept that part to herself.

Billie Dean hummed. She looked at her own hand again, examining the nails. “Like the purple with you.”

“You didn’t like the purple back then?” The question flew from Wilhemina’s lips before she could really think about it.

Billie Dean’s eyes grew in size. She looked at Venable even though brown eyes kept glued on the road. “No, I did. That’s not what I meant.”

I didn’t like the nails, she didn’t like the purple. Insecurity crawled inside Wilhemina, even though it made no sense; Billie didn’t have to like every single part of her life… right? I don’t like her any less because she smokes. But Billie Dean was Billie Dean, Billie Dean was beautiful and perfect and had every single aspect of her life in place. Venable was no Billie Dean.

“Hey,” Billie’s soft tone cut through Wilhemina’s inner turmoil. She squeezed her knee again. She’s ashamed. “All I meant is that I’ve grown used to the purple, too. And that it compliments you well. I’ve always been fond of it.” Venable nodded. She gulped as the light turned red again. Brown eyes hesitated, but moved to honey ones. Billie Dean offered her a small smile, warm and comforting as always. And then she leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I love the purple,” she repeated, just to make sure.

With her inner cheek trapped between her teeth, Wilhemina opened a timid smile. She nodded, yet again. “I love the coral,” she said shyly, and the smile that graced Billie’s face was so damn beautiful Venable was afraid she was about to melt. The light changed colors again, and so Wilhemina forced herself to look away. One of her hands, however, reached to squeeze Billie’s.

In no more than twenty minutes, Venable was already parking at her garage. They both got out of the car, Billie Dean with her bag in hand. Wilhemina reached for her keys and opened the door, allowing Billie to step inside first. As she walked by Venable, Billie Dean reached to caress her waist, watching as Purpura meowed and came running to greet them at the door.

“Hi, cutie,” Billie said softly. Purpura watched Billie Dean but didn’t lean closer to her legs.

The hand around her waist felt good. Almost too good. Wilhemina smiled at the cat and turned to close the door. “She’s used to pets first thing when I get home.”

“I can see that.” Honey eyes watched the way the cat leaned against the corner table, rubbing her back against it.

“She’s very spoiled,” Venable commented sweetly as she carefully took off her shoes and set them aside. Billie quickly did the same. Then, they walked to the couch. Only then Wilhemina took notice of the fact she was pretty sure she had never seen Billie Dean with anything other than heels. The white sneakers didn’t make her any less classy.

“I think that’s adorable.” As soon as they sat down, Purpura jumped up and to Venable’s lap.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Wilhemina chuckled. She set her cane aside and caressed between the cat’s ears. Loud purrs filled the room.

Smiling to herself, Billie Dean reached to caress Purpura on top of her sweater. The cat leaned closer to her. “Is it good?” A tiny meow was heard. Billie gasped as Venable let out a laugh.

“I think it is.”

“She’s so smart.”

Wilhemina nodded, fingers still caressing the cat’s skin. After a minute or two, she looked at Billie. Her lower lip got trapped between her teeth as she watched the way honey eyes were so lovingly glued to the cat. I’d love to paint her. Venable could trace Billie Dean’s features with her eyes so perfectly well; she could see where she’d add shade and volume, which colors she would mix to match the shade of her silky hair and cherry lips. “Would you allow me to paint you sometime?”

Billie blinked softly as she looked at Wilhemina. “Paint me?”

Venable nodded. “As a reference.”

With her cheeks gaining a bit of color, Billie Dean nodded back. “Yes.” Why was that so romantic? The idea of having Wilhemina staring at her every single detail for hours had the hair on the back of her neck standing up. Billie used her free hand to reach for Venable’s knee, caressing it. Purpura now jumped off of Wilhemina’s lap and walked to the kitchen. “That’s so sweet of you…”

“What is?” Venable had trouble understanding; Billie Dean was the one who agreed to an idea of hers, after all.

“You, wanting to paint me.”

“Oh.” Wilhemina hadn’t stopped to think about the possibility of it coming off as weird. But it suddenly popped into her mind that it could be. “I mean—only if you feel comfortable.”

“I do,” Billie Dean quickly said. She squeezed Venable’s knee again, and this time a hand tangled with hers. Wilhemina caressed her fingers. “I just find it such a lovely thing, that you would want to paint me.”

“You’re beautiful,” Venable simply said. Because it was true, and because she didn’t think she’d ever get tired of staring at her.

With her cheeks tinting even more, a shy cackle left Billie’s lips. Her eyes moved away from brown ones before coming back again. “So are you… unfortunately, all I can draw are stick figures.”

With a small laugh, Venable shook her head. She’d have to draw a crooked one. The thought came flying with no warnings, although more of that kind had been lingering in the back of her head ever since she had to face the stairs. Wilhemina gulped and shoved it aside. “I bet they’re lovely.”

“I can make a purple one for you.” Playfully, Billie Dean winked. And it was just so damn pure to be able to enjoy another person like that; with no worries, with no fears. Venable didn’t hold back the laugh that left her lips, and Billie just stared and stared at that woman nonstop, wanting to remember every single detail of her features when she was happy.

“I think that works.”

“Me too,” Billie’s voice was considerably softer, now. Brown eyes moved to hers, almond in shape from smiling. Billie Dean smiled back and reached to caress one of Wilhemina’s cheeks with her free hand. They stared at each other. “I think my grandma would have loved you,” she said after what seemed to be ages.

With a frown reaching her features, Venable licked her suddenly dry lips. “How so?” she asked, voice as soft as Billie’s.

With a small shrug, Billie Dean now played with a lock of red hair. “I just know she would.” Billie’s grandmother had been the only person to believe in her when she said she could contact the other side—and to really believe her, not only after she began getting recognized. Granted, Billie Dean had gotten her gift from someone, and that someone had been her grandmother. I miss her. “She was the first one I opened up to about my sexuality… the first one I told about my gift… she would have loved you,” she repeated.

Blinking softly, Venable found herself a little lost on the emotions that invaded her. How was it like to have someone you could trust like that? But also… how was it like to lose someone like that? Wilhemina would usually roll her eyes and ignore the subject when people started talking about their family, for it was too painful. But Billie Dean’s family seemed worth the pain. “I’m sure she was lovely.” If Billie talked that highly about her, Venable had no reasons to believe otherwise. I feel weird.

“She was.” A small smile touched Billie Dean’s lips. “I can see her as clear as day, crocheting you a purple sweater… hugging you so tightly your arms would hurt.” Billie chuckled faintly, eyes far away. “She would love to talk to you about wine… about books, or art, or anything you wanted to talk about. She would love your hair… and how you smell, and how you carry yourself…”

Venable gulped softly. Billie Dean’s words carried so much adoration, yet so much pain… she had never seen her like that. Yet, Wilhemina herself grew with new emotions once again, and she wondered how to deal with them, what to do with them. She tried picturing a woman who could be Billie’s grandmother, but all she could think about were the old ladies who locked her at her bedroom when it was bedtime. Someone so important to Billie Dean certainly wouldn’t be like that. Her chest grew tight—but not because of anxiety, this time. But because of something she didn’t know.

“She really would have loved you,” Billie repeated once again, thus breaking Venable’s train of thoughts. She blinked once and let go of Wilhemina’s hair, leaning closer to kiss her on the forehead. I’m not ready to talk about her yet. Billie Dean didn’t know why she had brought her grandmother up, out of nowhere. She thought about her every single day, but the wound was still not healed enough. And she didn’t want to bring their mood down, for they already had quite a lot on their plate. Shaking the nostalgia off, Billie pulled away and smiled at Wilhemina, whom stared at her with eyes as wide and concentrated as a puppy’s. She’s adorable. “I’m starting to grow hungry…”

Change of subjects. Venable supposed Billie Dean would open up more when she felt ready. Doing her best to shift her internal dynamics, she nodded and leaned to peck her lips once. How would my grandmother be like? She would never find out… she would never know if her family would have loved Billie Dean, if her mother would have been happy for her, if her father would have grown protective. I’m alone. She knew that, but being reminded of it was a different story. “We can order.” Clearing her throat in order to clear her mind, Wilhemina reached for her phone inside her pocket. Billie Dean snuggled closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, caressing it. I’m glad she has a family.

[3scapethevoid]

Tace4Tace / Acet4Acet flag I made

[Tace4Tace or Acet4Acet is an asexual transgender person who prefers to or exclusively date(s) other asexual transgender people ; a combination of T4T and Ace4Ace]

[Flag ID: A flag with seven horizontal stripes, the colors in order being black, hippie blue, half baked, pearl, light thulian pink, bashful pink, black. The symbol in the center being a dark magenta heart. End ID]

[image ID: A⁴spec+ flag in a black box, next to a longer black box with text reading "DNI; queerphobes, transphobes, enbyphobes, xenogenderphobes, racists, ableists, sexists, intersexists, neophobes, anti mspec gays/lesbians, anti-conflicting labels, anti-kink allosexuals, transids (except transgender), TERFs/Exclusionists, ace alienators, 'ace and aro = same', endophobes" end ID]

[something-tofightfor]

Root Pearl: 3

Pairing: Ezra x female reader - musician AU

Word Count: 11,112

Rating: M. Language. Alcohol. Talking about sex but no sexual acts. Ezra’s a charmer even when he doesn’t think he is. 

Summary: Your first date with Ezra isn’t at all what you expect - and it’s the same for him. 

Blanket warnings: loss of a parent, character death, survivor’s guilt, learning to deal with the loss of a limb, infidelity (not Reader w/Ezra), blood, bodily injury, heavy angst.

Author’s note:

This is a slow burn. Sorry about the delay. Hope you like this one - there’s a new POV incoming.

Catch up on the first parts of this story here 

“You’ve been in a good mood lately.” She speaks up from her seat on the kitchen counter, a bowl of cereal in her lap. “Did something happen?” There’s a brief pause before he answers, but the words aren’t what she’s expecting to hear. 

“Yes.” Ezra says her name, raising an eyebrow and turns to face her, his favorite mug in hand. “And I thought you wanted me in a good mood, Birdie. Is it a problem that -”

“No, not at all.” She grins, taking another bite and chewing before she says anything else. “I guess I just didn’t think that you’d be so excited about the show this fast, especially since it’s still so far away.”

“It’s good to be doing something that I love again.” He shrugs, frowning for a few seconds. “Even in a limited capacity. Practicing with the band is… good for me.” It has been - and she agrees without pause. The man coming home from the twice weekly sessions with the other members of The Fringe with a smile on his face and immediately going into the kitchen to make himself a mug of steaming thulian-ginger tea is a welcome sight and reminds her of nights spent rehearsing for the tour or being backstage with him before the band took the stage. “There are still weeks to go, but it’s been…” He shrugs again, and she understands that he’s trying to downplay his excitement. “A nice change of pace.” 

It’s only been about two weeks since his first practice with the band, but there is a definite change with Ezra, and Cee hopes that the closer the show gets, the more he continues to improve. He’s not attempting to play guitar - yet - but the singing is a step in the right direction, especially since he seems so encouraged about his ability to perform whenever he tells her how the sessions go. “When do I get to hear you sing again, Ezra?” She finishes her cereal, setting the bowl down next to her hip and watches as he twists the knob under the kettle, his back to her. “Can I come to a practice?” 

“We’re taking two weeks off now, because Zed is going on vacation.” He turns and faces her, placing his hand against his hip. “Which means I’ll have to use the room here.” Oh. She smiles. “And you are more than welcome to sit in, little bird. I just didn’t ask you to come with me because I never know how long I’ll be over there and I don’t want you to get bored… or overwhelmed.” His smile is kind - understanding, even. “Hearing the same songs that -”

 “Thank you.” She hops down, crossing the kitchen to rinse the bowl out. “That’s probably a good idea. If we’re here, I can always just go back to my room.” He nods, and when she looks at him again, Cee notices that he’s watching her intently, his eyes focused on her face. “What?” 

There’s a pause before he speaks again, and Ezra’s words once again shock the girl - but she tries not to let him see it. “I’m also in a good mood for another reason, Cee.” You are? She doesn’t know what the reason for that could possibly be; his doctor’s appointments have been standard, he hasn’t gone out anywhere by himself that’s out of the ordinary, his new arm is still delayed. Maybe he’s writing again. Or maybe - “I am …” He clears his throat, attention drawn to the sound of the kettle whistling, the man immediately turning to reach for it and removing it from the heat. “I have a date tomorrow night.” What? 

“A date?” She blinks, taking a step closer and staring at his back, the thermal undershirt he’s wearing stretched tight over his shoulders. “Ezra, are you… is it Inum-”

“It is not.” After pouring the hot water over the contents of the mug, Ezra turns to face her, his lips pressed together. “I haven’t spoken to her since the night we went out the first time to talk about the benefit.” Oh, that … that’s good. “I have nothing to say to her right now because I don’t want to say something I would regret.” You wouldn’t regret it for long, I’m sure.

“That’s good.” She murmurs the words, still trying to figure out who the man could be talking about. He hasn’t met anyone. He hasn’t even … But then she remembers that Ezra did in fact meet someone the last time he left the apartment for fun. And if it’s her, then … “Ezra? Do you have something to tell me?” She’s excited for him, even though she doesn’t know if she has any real reason to be. But in true Ezra fashion, the man doesn’t answer right away, instead looking down into the steaming cup of liquid and tugging on the string attached to the tea packet, lifting it up and down a few times. Oh, he’s… this is unfair. “About -”

“I might.” He meets her eyes again and she sees a spark of genuine interest in his, along with the tiniest hint of a smirk on his lips. “I might have a lot to tell you after tomorrow night, Birdie.” She wants to know more; the girl is almost desperate for information, but bites her tongue instead, giving him what she hopes is an encouraging look. Don’t. Steadying herself, she straightens up and nods twice at him, not even trying to hide the smile on her face.  “I do have a favor to ask, though.” He sighs, lifting the mug to his lips to take a sip, keeping his eyes on her over the rim of it. “Will you cut my hair for me? Ever since you started doing it for the tour, I haven’t wanted to entrust anyone with the -”

“Yes.” She laughs, crossing her arms over her chest and letting herself think about the best options in terms of a haircut for him. Nothing too short. “I’ll even trim your beard for you, too, because Kevva knows you’d rather just shave it off than -”

“No.” He shakes his head, setting the mug down and licking his lips, fingertips running over the bristly hair on his chin. “No, I think this is here to stay for a while. But a trim would be appreciated.” They stand in silence for a few seconds, watching each other, and when Cee steps forward to put her arms around him, Ezra accepts the gesture wordlessly, turning his head to the side so that as she presses her cheek against his chest, he’s able to settle his on the top of her head. She doesn’t think he’s going to say anything else, but when he does, the words are so quiet she almost believes she imagined them. “If this works out? I’ll have you to thank.” 

It’s still not a confirmation - but for her, it’s enough. Yet Cee understands that until she sees the two of you together, she can’t assume. Because I could be wrong … but I don’t think I am. And when she lets go of Ezra and looks up at him, searching his face for anything he’ll give her, she knows she isn’t - and it has very little to do with the brightness in the man’s brown eyes, or the excited lift of the corners of his mouth - and everything to do with the way she feels. 

— 

The only person that knew you were meeting Ezra for dinner was Ezra, and you wanted to keep it that way. Not because you didn’t want to tell people that you had a date, but because you were nervous to, just in case the night went poorly or it turned out that things felt more like when you went out with Jillian or your other friends.

You were excited - of course you were, but the apprehension that you felt was also almost tangible… and as you got ready to leave, you wondered why. 

In the weeks since you’d exchanged numbers with the man, you and Ezra had kept up a regular stream of conversation. After breaking the ice that same night, it had seemed natural to keep talking to each other - a message here, a picture there, questions and replies allowing you to get to know each other a little better as the days passed. He’d asked if he could call you about a week into it, and you’d immediately agreed, the two of you talking late into the night as you laid out on one of the lounge chairs in your yard, a blanket draped over your body to fight off the chill. 

The more you talked to him, the more you liked him, and you hoped that he felt the same. Because after being with Robbie for so long, Ezra was a breath of fresh air - and conversations with him were exciting. Everything felt new, and even though you hadn’t gone into any overly personal topics with Ezra, you knew him much better than you had only a few weeks earlier. 

But knowing him also made you realize just how little you’d done with your life in comparison to what he’d done with his - and that was likely part of what you were so apprehensive about. He hadn’t reacted negatively when you’d told him what you did for work, or about your family and upbringing. He’d seemed interested, but since it was either over text or just a phone call, it was difficult to tell whether or not the responses were genuine. I hope they are. You sighed, fixing your hair one last time in the mirror and then turned away from it, walking back into your bedroom. 

You’d gone back and forth between two outfits for the previous few days, and as you looked between them one final time, you chewed on your bottom lip, sighing. You didn’t want to try too hard, but at the same time, you wanted to look nice for Ezra - because even though it wasn’t an actual first impression you were making, it was still the first time the two of you would be somewhere together on purpose - and alone. And that’s important. 

With a final sigh, you opted for the more casual of the two outfits - jeans and a scoop neck top with a fitted jacket over it - and then slipped on a pair of comfortable boots and some jewelry. He’s either going to like it … or he won’t. You sighed again, nodding at your reflection in the mirror, and then headed downstairs, reaching for your phone. 

Leaving now. Should be a little early. 

You sent him a text and then put your phone back into your bag, heading out the door. You’d offered to pick the man up and drive him to and from dinner, but he’d declined, telling you that there was no need. You hadn’t pushed, instead just agreeing to meet him at the restaurant that he’d chosen, and so only a few minutes later you were parking your car in a busy lot, heart pounding in your chest. 

It’s going to be fine. This is going to be … great. You only gave yourself a few seconds to collect your thoughts and give yourself a pep talk before getting out and locking your doors behind you, so when you stepped into the lobby and saw him waiting next to the hostess stand, you were wildly unprepared. 

He was dressed down just like you -  wearing a pair of jeans and worn boots, a comfortable shirt in a dark blue covering the top half of his body. The sleeve covering his right arm was tailored to be just as long as he needed it to be, the material stitched together to completely enclose the remaining portion of his arm. “Hello.” He saw you almost immediately, straightening up and taking a few steps toward the door, his mouth curving upward in a soft smile. “You are early. They’re still getting our table ready.” 

“That’s fine.” Looking around quickly, you finally settled your gaze on the man, returning his smile. “You look great, Ezra.” Pointing at his head, you widened your grin. “Haircut?”

“Mmmhmm.” He reached up, running his fingers through the dark locks. “Cee actually cut it for me this morning. She’s pretty good at it, and it was getting long.” You stepped closer as someone passed behind you, their elbow bumping into the center of your back - but Ezra didn’t even flinch, instead lowering his hand and using it to steady your arm, his fingers against your bicep. Shit, I - 

“Sorry about that.” Clearing your throat, you rolled your eyes, moving to step backwards. “I -” He didn’t let go, though he loosened his grip, and when you looked down, you pressed your lips together again. He didn’t let go, he - 

“Don’t apologize.” He cleared his throat, waiting until you were looking at him again to continue. “Not your fault.”

“Table for Ezra?” The young woman stepped out from behind the hostess stand, warmth in her eyes as she looked at the two of you. “We’re ready for you.” The man nodded, finally letting go of your arm, but instead of pulling his hand away from you, he held it out, palm up. Oh, he … You took it immediately, your fingers curling around his as the three of you began to walk through the crowded restaurant and toward the back. 

But rather than leading you to an empty table in the main dining room , the woman pushed open a small door and used one hand to gesture toward the single prepared table in a smaller, private space. “Ezra, what is -” He squeezed your hand once more before letting go and moving toward one of the chairs, pulling it out for you.

“I didn’t want anyone to bother us.” He shrugged as you looked up at him, the man’s tone hopeful. “I come here a lot, so -” That makes sense, then. He kept his hand on the chair as you began to scoot it toward the table, and when he was satisfied that you were settled, Ezra stepped around, taking his own seat. 

“Someone will be in to take your drink order in a few minutes.” The hostess cleared her throat. “Enjoy your meal.” She stepped back through the door, leaving the two of you alone. For a few seconds, you didn’t know what to say - unsure of whether or not you should have thanked him for the privacy or been upset. Why would I be upset, though? It’s not like I’m trying to be seen with him. 

“There’s another reason I wanted privacy.” Ezra sighed, reaching for his water glass. “I didn’t want to have to answer questions about my missing arm while we’re trying to get to know each other.” Of course. Of course that makes … 

“Well since we’re in here by ourselves, Ezra, that means I don’t have to worry about anyone but you judging what I decide to eat.” You wrinkled your nose, also taking a drink of your water. “So thank you for that.” He smiled, biting back a laugh, and you could almost feel the relief in the expression. “I wasn’t expecting this, though. It’s … it’ll be nice to get to talk to you without interruptions.” 

“I thought so too.” He nodded, dark eyes focused on you. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for every one of my fans, but sometimes … sometimes I don’t want to think about that part of it all, or answer repetitive questions about my music when I’m out and trying to be … me.”  

I understand that. “Good to know.” Arching a brow, you nodded. “I won’t ask anything about -”

“No, you’re misunderstanding me.” He leaned in, resting his elbow on the table. “You can ask whatever you want to ask. Nothing is off limits.” I seriously doubt that, but … “But I will warn you, I myself am not immune to intrigue, so -”

“It’s only fair, right?” Tilting your head to one side, you wet your lips. “Asking questions? That’s how we get to know each other.” And I want to know you, Ezra. You wouldn’t ask him anything invasive - or too invasive, anyway, but you had to admit that you were curious. Because we’ve only scratched the surface. And I’m sure he’ll want to know about Robbie, and … “Whatever you want to know, Ezra… just ask.” 

“Oh, I intend to.” He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “You don’t need to tell me twice.” 

— 

An hour and a half later, you were almost done with your meal, only remnants of food left on both plates. Each of you had ordered one drink with dinner, but you’d been much too engrossed in your conversation with him to even think about getting another. 

You’d traded questions back and forth, and instead of it feeling like a job interview, it just felt like talking to an old friend. He’d told you more about his family and his life off the road and you’d filled in the gaps pertaining to your own history. You’d both grown up differently - Ezra in a smaller town, you on the outskirts of the city you both currently called home - but had similar interests in a lot of areas. 

You liked the same foods, listened  to similar music and were fans of the same types of TV shows and movies. There were only a few years between you in age, and you were pleasantly surprised to find that you both seemed to laugh at the same things, the two of you leaning back in your chairs as the conversation flowed easily between you. This is going almost too well, you thought as the server came to clear your plates, interrupting the conversation briefly and giving you a chance to watch as Ezra interacted with her. He’s relaxed, I’m having a good time… it’s not awkward. 

That was the biggest takeaway - even though it was the first time you’d spent significant time together, it didn’t feel like it. You had a feeling that he was going to ask you out again, and you planned on not hesitating to agree to a second date. But we haven’t talked about Robbie and Inumon, so… maybe not. “Hey.” He said your name, pulling you from your thoughts. “Is there anything else you want to eat or drink? You were drifting, and …” 

“I’m good. Thank you.” Tearing your eyes away from him, you shook your head at the server. “Everything was really great, though.” She nodded, telling you that she’d pass it along to the chef, and then with one final look at Ezra, who nodded twice and said that he didn’t need anything else either, she was gone again and the two of you were alone. “Thank you for dinner, Ezra. I was kind of worried that this would be awkward, just because of …” Trailing off, you swallowed hard. Just say it. “Because of how we met, and because of Rob-” 

“Not here.” He held up his hand, one finger extended. “You are very welcome, but I don’t want things and people that are in the past to become a stain on the memory of our first dinner.” What? Does that mean he wants to talk about them next time or not at all? “I have a suggestion, and please, feel free to tell me absolutely not, but …” Ezra sighed, straightening his shoulders without looking away. “There is a lounge on a lower level of my building. They’re open late. We could continue our night there, where it’s a little more comfortable.” He paused, watching your face to see your reaction. “And they don’t just serve alcohol. They have numerous other options, and -”

“Ezra?” You leaned closer, cutting him off. “Yes. On one condition.” He seemed surprised but gestured for you to continue. “You let me drive you there. There’s no reason to go separately if we’re going to the same place.” 

“If that’s what you want.” He dragged his fingers through his hair again, leaning back. “I accept that offer.” Good. I do, too. 

He paid the bill, tucking a large tip in with the receipt slip, and then the two of you made your way to where you’d parked, Ezra sliding into the front seat next to you wordlessly. “I picked Cee up, so that’s how I know where you live,” you explained as you pulled out and onto the street. “The first night we went out to dinner?” He nodded, eyes on the front window. “I don’t know what apartment you’re in or anything like that, but -”  Stop talking. Just stop. Everything is fine and you’re going to ruin it. He didn’t say anything in response but you caught Ezra grinning out of the corner of your eye at your words.

There was no reason for you to be nervous around him, and the previous hours had reaffirmed that fact. You and Ezra were more than getting along, and you knew that the more you overthought, the better the odds were that you’d spoil things for yourself. And I don’t want to do that. Tightening your hands on the wheel, you swore under your breath, Ezra’s quiet chuckle drawing your attention. Great. He’s laughing at me now. “Do I make you anxious?”

“No. Yes. I…” Wincing at how uncertain you sounded, you tapped your thumb twice against the wheel before replying. “That’s not it, Ezra. It’s kind of weird to me to think that I’m here with you because I recorded a song at a show, to be honest. And as nice as these past couple of weeks have been, the truth is that it might take me a little while to … understand that this isn’t all just because you and Cee are trying to thank me for -” 

He reached out, settling a hand against your knee and squeezed, saying your name. “We’ve already thanked you. That isn’t what this is.” He paused, his fingers relaxing, though he didn’t remove his hand. “Can I tell you something? Something embarrassing?” You nodded, eyes on the rearview mirror. There’s no way you could say anything that I’d find embarrassing, though. “This is the first actual date I’ve been on in almost five years, and I don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing.” 

“You’re doing fine, Ezra.” You spoke quietly, glancing over at him. This might be the beginning of the tough conversation topics. “But I find that hard to believe, because … and this is going to expose the hell out of me as a fan, but …” Groaning quietly, you steeled yourself for your next words. “There were pictures of you out with other women. With Inumon and with people in different cities, and -”

“Those weren’t dates, though.” He still didn’t move his hand, the heat from the man’s palm steady against your leg. “I was out with them, but they … it wasn’t because …” It was his turn to swear, his fingers twitching briefly. “It was always very clear how those situations would end, especially with the women I met at shows while I was on tour.” I’m sure it was.

“You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but …” Taking a deep breath, you rushed the words out. “But was that how it was with Inumon, too? It seemed different, at least from the pictures that were posted, but if you’re telling me that …” He said your name, stopping your words. 

“It was different with her because we know each other.” He paused, briefly. “Or I thought we did. She wasn’t a one time thing, but it was still… it wasn’t serious. And I did not ever intend for it to last.” Does that mean you hope this will? “I’d also like to make something else very clear to you, if that’s alright.” You nodded, keeping your eyes on the road as you made a turn. “I have no intention of taking you to bed tonight, or even trying to. That’s not why I asked you to have dinner. That’s not … I’m not ready to think about anything beyond this at the moment because this is hard enough for me.” Oh. That’s direct. But he said not tonight, not … never

“Well if I would have known that, Ezra,” you cleared your throat, turning your head to look at him for a few seconds as you waited at a red light. “It would have made things a lot less … nerve wracking for me.” Pressing the gas as the light changed, you looked forward again. “Not because I thought that this was going to end in a bed, but because knowing that you were just as out of practice as I am with dating would have calmed me down.” 

He scoffed at that, the sound filling your car and breaking the tension. “I’ll remember that next time.” He squeezed your leg again, the laughter subsiding. “You have my word.” 

— 

Somehow, you were everything Ezra had hoped you would be while at the same time being nothing that he’d expected. He was willing to admit, though, that that was solely on him - and the way he approached spending time with people. And the quality of people that I usually spend it with. 

You’d looked to his arm more than once, but it wasn’t in the same way most people did - staring at the empty space with pity or moving their eyes from the end of it up to his face and then back down, almost as though they were trying to imagine what he’d look like whole. Your looks were much more subtle, flicks of your eyes as you watched him reach for a fork or his drink, a longer look when he leaned back in his chair and raised his hand to run fingers through his hair. You only looked when he called attention to it, and even then your eyes didn’t linger. 

And I am grateful for that. He’d been hesitant to invite you to his building, but when the conversation had shifted toward the topics you’d both been careful to avoid for the majority of the night, it had been the only thing he could think of. He didn’t want to be too forward with you, or to have you believe that all he wanted from the night was your company in his bed, but Ezra needed you to know that when he’d said nothing was off limits when it came to conversation, he hadn’t been lying. Just not… here. 

The lounge was more private, more relaxed than a table in the back room of a restaurant, and Ezra hoped that with that backdrop, bringing up your ex and the most recent of his mistakes would sting less and leave both of you with a positive memory of the night - and what he could only hope was the first of many dates. 

Because even though he wasn’t lying when he confessed that sex was off the table for that night, Ezra would have been lying if he’d said that he wasn’t thinking about it in the future. Who wouldn’t with her?

In the months following the accident, Ezra’s mind had been almost solely focused on two things: getting better and ensuring that Cee was taken care of. And one of those has been much easier than the other. He sighed as you turned into the driveway of his building, and when he glanced down, Ezra saw that his hand was still resting on your knee - his thumb moving over the dark denim in a slow pattern. 

Your nerves around him were endearing, and even though he understood when you told him why you were nervous to be out with him, Ezra wanted to eliminate that feeling from your mind before the night ended. Because the video might be why we are here now, but I don’t want her to think that it’s why I want to be here again. “Where can I park, Ezra? Is there a guest lot, or -” 

“Anywhere.” He said your name, looking over at you. “There’s usually more open spaces toward the back of the building this late, but …” He trailed off, removing his hand from your leg after one final squeeze. “Anywhere is fine.” 

He led you across the asphalt and toward the main entrance a few seconds later, your right hand held in his left. By the time you were inside the building and heading down one of the long hallways, Ezra could tell that you were less anxious and relaxing back into the mood you’d been in during dinner. Good. “So do you come down here a lot? It looks like they have food, too.” 

“I do.” He shrugged, lifting both shoulders and letting them drop. “They’re open late. And the medication that they have me on for my arm keeps me awake well into the night.” He watched your face fall, but Ezra was quick to continue, saying your name. “It’s not a bad thing, because it’s very similar to my tour routine. Since I cannot write or play right now, talking with the bartenders keeps me out of trouble when I should be fast asleep.” 

“I don’t think a couple of bartenders could keep you out of trouble, Ezra.” You squeezed his hand as you replied, turning your head toward him and raising one eyebrow. “But I bet they appreciate the opportunity to stay busy trying.” He laughed - hard - at that, Ezra stopping in his tracks and tugging on your hand to stop you, too, so that he he wasn’t forced to let go. It felt good, the sound rumbling from his chest and warming his cheeks, and as you joined him a few seconds later with a laugh of your own, Ezra realized how much he’d needed a night - and a laugh - like the one he was having. In general, or with her? Blinking as he caught his breath, Ezra found his answer in the way you used your free hand to slowly wipe beneath one eye, brushing away a tear. With her. “It wasn’t that funny.”

“It was.” Closing his eyes, he inhaled, holding his breath. “Come on, I don’t want it to get too late and have you tell me you need to get home before we even sit down.” 

Only a few minutes later, you were seated on a small couch on the outdoor patio of the lounge, a tall space heater situated just behind the furniture and casting a warm glow over the two of you. You’d removed your jacket at dinner and hadn’t bothered to put it on again, and Ezra let himself look at you, giving you the full intensity of his attention. If I’m lucky, she won’t try and pretend like it’s not happening.

You both ordered a drink from the menu, and Ezra ordered his favorite dessert for you to share, hoping that you’d enjoy it as much as he did. The bar was busier than usual, which meant more noise, but you didn’t seem to mind, scooting in even closer so that as the two of you talked, it could be at a reasonable volume. 

And he didn’t mind, either - the man enjoying every second of your proximity in a way that he hadn’t desired anyone’s presence since before the last tour had started. But the ease didn’t last, because once you had your drink in hand - and had tasted the dessert, you said his name, your tone changing. Here we go. “I know we’ve talked about it already a little bit, but …” You closed your eyes. “I really feel like I need to apologize for the way Robbie treated you. I know that I’m not responsible for his behavior, but the fact that he was like that while I was with him is unacceptable. I should have said something when it happened, but -’

“No, you shouldn’t have.” He reached for his glass, thinking. “We know what he was doing and why he did it. But if you’d said anything, it would have been far more trouble for you than it was worth.” 

“Yeah, but it might have forced an end to things weeks earlier, Ezra.” You laughed, the sound bitter, but he didn’t get a chance to speak before you did again. “It was shitty of me to sit there and say nothing. I knew what he thought of you, and I knew exactly what he was trying to pull, and I put up with it for too fucking long, and -” 

“Well you’re not putting up with it anymore, are you?” He leaned closer, cocking an eyebrow and waiting for the shake of your head. “That’s what’s important.” He titled his head to the side, winking at you. “And to be absolutely honest with you, at the risk of sounding conceited, I’m used to men and women getting defensive about their partners around me. Ask Cee. She’ll tell you.” You bit back a laugh at that, eyes going wide. “And he wasn’t wrong.” He went about things the wrong way, but he was still right to be a little wary.

“What?” Your confusion was genuine, and even as Ezra shifted closer to you, it lingered. “Ezra, what are -” He’d made a career out of baring his emotions through his guitar’s music and lyrics, and even though the conversation with you wasn’t related to either of those things, he had no reason to change his behavior. 

“I was flirting with you.” He wet his lower lip, unblinking. “In that restaurant, right in front of him, but also … onstage.” He saw your breath catch, watched the way you froze beside him, and Ezra couldn’t hold back his smile. “I wrote that email as a genuine thank you for sending The Queen’s Lair to me, but as soon as Cee told me what the video you had was, I remembered you.” That was the truth, too, as unbelievable as it may have seemed. 

Looking into a crowd from the stage was always hit or miss for the man. Sometimes, the lights allowed Ezra to see the people at the shows from the front of the crowd to the back of the venue, while others only made it possible for him to clearly make out the first few rows of people. Many of the faces blurred together, and most were forgettable, at least in terms of him remembering them on a personal level after the show ended and he was offstage. 

But his banter with you while onstage was real, the double meaning of the words meant to entice you, even a little bit, and give you something more to take away from the concert. He’d really hoped that you wouldn’t post the video anywhere, but wouldn’t have been that mad if you had, because he understood what it felt like to be a fan of someone and have access to something that no one else did. Especially when it’s possible that there won’t be any new original music from me again. 

There was a momentary pang of fear that bloomed in his belly then, a sharp pain that flared from the point of impact that was still a freshly healed mass of scar tissue, but Ezra swallowed that down, instead focusing on the way that you were looking at him - a mixture of disbelief and barely concealed desire on your face, and it emboldened him to reach for you, taking your hand in his again. “Actually, part of me hoped that I’d get to meet you in person after that show.” He paused, feeling a slight satisfaction at the way your eyes flashed at his admission. “I was disappointed when - months later -  Birdie told me that you were with someone, and especially disappointed when I met Robbie at that restaurant because you seemed so different around him than you did in your messages or at the show.” 

“Ezra…” You were staring, unable to look away from his face. “That isn’t…” Swearing quietly, you finally lowered your head. “Is this real life?”

“Yes.” He answered right way, still holding your hand. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Pulling your hand free, you readjusted your position next to him - not moving away, but instead getting more comfortable, your leg pressed against his with purpose. 

“That last show wasn’t the only time I’ve ever seen you live, Ezra.” Swirling your straw in your drink, you looked down at the liquid and then over at him. “That was the fifth time. What? How did I never … “Three of them were with the full band on earlier tours.” He nodded, waiting. “And the last two were solo shows. The first was when you played two or three songs at that street fair a couple cities over, and the second was the night I recorded.” 

“I wasn’t looking closely enough at the audience, then, because I - “

 “I was never near the front before.” You closed your eyes, still looking down. “Just the last time, because I finally decided that it wouldn’t matter.” What are you talking about? “I’ve wanted to meet you for so long, but I was always afraid to.” What? Why? “It’s not a secret, Ezra, that you seem to find … company after shows. And I love your music so damn much that if we’d been talking and you would have ended the conversation or waved me off to take someone back to your room or onto the bus when you had one? It would have ruined everything for me, and -” 

Your assessment of him wasn’t wrong, and Ezra winced as he heard you explain it out loud. It was true that he’d used shows to find companionship - either from people reaching out on social media beforehand or after meeting them for the first time in whatever city they happened to be in, but he hated the idea that he’d potentially deterred people that were actual fans just because he’d wanted sex. “I’m sorry that you thought that would happen.” He rubbed at his chin with the tips of his fingers. “And I hope I didn’t ruin -”

“No, you didn’t!” Hurrying to reassure him, you set your drink down, reaching for his arm. “That’s why I chose not to come around the back of the venue after shows, or to show up early enough to get a really good spot. I wanted to make sure I’d keep enjoying the music. And now that I know you a little, I don’t think you ever would have just … blown someone off, but -” 

“I might have. I won’t lie to you.” He rubbed at one knee, shaking his head back and forth quickly. “But not on purpose.” Frowning, he ran back through the previous few years in his mind. “And there were actually a lot fewer people that I took back with me than you might think. If it happened, it happened. I wasn’t looking in every city.” 

“You don’t need to explain yourself.” Your expression let him know you meant what you were telling him. “That’s not why I brought it up.” You went silent, and Ezra took a minute to think about what you’d said. Wait, though. What changed? He voiced the question, ending it with the use of your name, and when you laughed nervously, giving him an answer, he wanted to kick himself. “Inumon. Inumon and Robbie. I was dating someone seriously, and I thought you were, too, so I figured it was the right time to get a little closer, since I wouldn’t be as tempted to seek you out after a show for any reason. And if we did end up meeting, knowing that we were both with someone would have kept me from making a fool of myself. You’re good looking, Ezra, but I had no interest in ruining any relationship, especially my own.” 

“And it worked out, just like it should have.” He spoke quietly, nodding. “You stood in the front. I saw you right away, and because of it, I have … a recorded copy of what could be the last new song I’ll ever write and play.” 

“Ezra, you’re going to play again.” Scooting even closer, you ducked your head to meet his eyes. “I know you will. The Queen’s Lair isn’t it for you.” He hoped you were right - hoped that after some time, and the integration of his new arm to the rest of his body, he’d learn to play again, eventually getting back to a similar level of ability as before the accident. 

“You and Cee…” He sighed, smiling. “The two of you are so sure that -” 

“You’re too talented to let something like this stop you forever, Ezra.” It was you that reached out that time, your hand resting on his thigh. “And if Cee’s telling you the same thing, then it’s got to be true, right?” 

“Right.” He didn’t want to argue with you about it, especially since a small part of him agreed with you, and so Ezra leaned forward, setting his mostly empty glass on the table and then taking your hand in his, sliding his palm flat against yours. “I hope I didn’t offend you with anything that I said tonight, especially about … myself.” 

“Offend me?” You squeezed his hand. “Ezra, part of me still can’t believe I’m sitting here right now, and I feel like the fact that I’m a fan has got to be weird for you, because -”

“It isn’t.” He widened his smile. “Because you’re not treating me like you’re a fan. I said you could ask me anything, and you haven’t even tried to lead the conversation anywhere personal.” Well. “You haven’t tried to sneak a picture of yourself with me in the background, or asked about the band. You haven’t even really asked about Inumon, and that is a surprise to me, because -”

“It’s none of my business.” He watched as you chewed on your lip, pulling your hand free and rubbing it against your thigh, looking down. “We had dinner, Ezra. Dinner and a couple drinks, and that doesn’t give me the right to question you about the women you -”

“But I know about Robbie.” He adjusted the position of his body, angling it to face you and then resting his hand on the back of the couch, leaning closer. This is where you may make a fool of yourself, Ezra. “And if we’re going to see each other again, I’m sure there are things you’d like to know. I have more to ask you, but -”

“You want to see me again?” Blinking slowly at him, you paused. “Even though -”

“Of course.” He moved his hand from the couch to your back, fingers trailing over the material of the shirt you were wearing. “I wouldn’t have invited you back here with me if I didn’t. It would have been very simple for us to say goodnight at the restaurant.” 

“It would have.” He watched the light change in your eyes then, surprise replaced with excitement, and Ezra briefly wondered how long it had been since you’d been truly happy with someone - and if things had ever been entirely good with Robbie. They must have been. They lived together. They were dating for a year. They - “I’d like that, Ezra.” You didn’t look away, eyes locked with his. “Maybe you could come over and I can cook for you.” 

“I’m sure Cee would appreciate another night without me.” The corners of his mouth lifting in a small smile, Ezra nodded twice. “Another night to -”

“She could come, too.” You were quick to continue, a laugh bubbling from between your lips. “If …. Well, I guess she’d need to know that you and I were -” 

“You didn’t tell her?” Cocking his head to the side, Ezra stopped moving his hand. “She didn’t tell me that she knew who I was going out with tonight, but I figured you would have said something.” 

“No way.” Your jaw dropped. “No, I thought that if you wanted her to know, you’d say something. And it was just dinner, so … I didn’t want to make it a big deal before I knew whether or not we’d get along, so she doesn’t even know that we’ve been talking, and -”

“Did we?” His smile growing, Ezra moved closer. “Did we get along? Is there something to tell her?” He saw how torn you were about giving him an answer, but since there was only a short pause between his words and your reply, Ezra knew that you weren’t too torn. Good. 

“We did. And …” You steadied yourself, glancing up and then back at him. “I don’t know. I’m sure she knows Inumon because of the band, so even though she’s the one that sort of -”

“Cee is no fan of Inumon’s.” You gasped at that admission but snapped your mouth shut, waiting. “And I think she will be thrilled to find out for sure that it was you I had dinner with tonight.” He squeezed your shoulder, hand resting there. “You made quite the impression on her, and that’s saying something.” 

“Good.” Swallowing, you let out a breath. “I like her, too. She’s been through a lot in the last couple months with Damon, and so -” If you only knew. Cee’s relationship with Damon wasn’t his to discuss, and even though there were still things Ezra didn’t know about it, he hoped that at some point, the girl would open up. And maybe if it’s not with me, it’ll be with you. 

There was more that he wanted to say but before he could, he winced, his hand leaving your arm and immediately going back to the covered end of his missing one. Ouch. He squeezed the muscle in an attempt to stop the sharp burst of pain centered there. “I’m sorry.” He felt his chest growing tight and Ezra swore under his breath, closing his eyes. “Sometimes it just … out of nowhere. I -’

“Do you need to get back upstairs, Ezra?” When he opened his eyes, he saw genuine concern in yours, your entire body on alert. “Take medicine, or something? You said that you had pain medication, would that help?” 

“It would. It usually does. But I wasn’t - I didn’t want to end the night like this. I can wait. I’m only an elevator ride away from -”

“No.” You stood, holding a hand out to him. “No, Ezra. Don’t sit here in pain just to talk to me for a few more minutes. It’s not worth it.” Maybe it is to me. “Do you need me to pay for what we ordered? I can, since you bought dinner.”

“They add it onto my monthly rent.” He pushed himself to his feet, looking over at the bar. “I can pay as I go, but tonight … tonight I’m just going to let it ride.” His arm still hurt, though the pain had faded enough so that he could ignore it - mostly. The two of you made your way back to the doors and then stepped into the lobby, the sounds of the bar fading into the background. “I’m sorry that this happened. I thought I’d be alright for a little while longer, but I -” He hissed at a second burst of pain, his palm pressed flat against the meat of his bicep. “Kevva help me, this is bullshit, I -” 

“Ezra, let me help you get to your apartment.” He heard panic in your voice, even though you tried not to let it show, and despite the pain, he felt a wave of affection for you. “Or at the very least, let me call Cee. She can -”

“No. Not Cee. She’s done too much already.” This wasn’t supposed to happen. He reached out blindly, jabbing at the “up” arrow. “I’ll be fine. I -’

“Please?” You stepped closer. “I don’t need to come in or anything, but just … if you won’t let me call her, let me at least make sure you’re inside. You look like you’re in a lot of pain, and I … I don’t want to -” Gritting his teeth as the doors slid open, Ezra motioned for you to step into the elevator. “What floor?”

“Twenty four.” He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as he squeezed his arm. “Near the top.” He had no idea why his body was betraying him; he hadn’t experienced pain so severe in weeks, and for it to put a sudden end to the night he was having with you angered him more than he could put into words. “I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you apologizing?” You were facing him, concern on your face. “You’re in pain, Ezra. It happens. Your body’s still healing, I’m not mad.” 

“I am.” You didn’t try to stop the laugh you let out, and moments later, Ezra realized how annoyed he sounded, the man letting himself smile - just a little. “I wasn’t…” Sighing as the doors opened and the two of you stepped into the hallway, cleared his throat. “I thought we still had time tonight.”

“It’s getting late.” You were next to him - not touching him but there if he needed you. “I should get home.” I wish you didn’t have to. He stopped in front of his door and turned his head to the side, looking at you. “This you?”

“It is.” He reached for the doorknob, fingers closing around it. “Now that you’re here, I … can I ask you a favor?” You nodded immediately, shifting on both feet. “Cee might be asleep. And I don’t want to have to wake her up. Could you … could you come in with me? Just until I take my medication, and then you can leave.” It’s not entirely a lie. There’s some truth to it. 

“Sure.” You didn’t hesitate, agreeing. “If that’s what you need.” Relief flooded him as he twisted the knob and then pushed the door open, the interior of the apartment lit only by a few dim lights. 

“They’re in the kitchen. Right there by the sink.” The two of you walked across the room and stopped next to the counter, Ezra reaching for the familiar bottle and fumbling with the lid. “So I shouldn’t …” Trailing off, he gritted his teeth as he fought the pain to open the bottle, realizing that his hand was shaking. “What the fuck is -”

“If you wanted me to come in, you just had to ask.” You reached for the bottle, opening it without issue and then handing it back to him before you moved to the sink, filling a clean glass with cold water. “I was just following your lead. You said you had no plans to invite me up to -”

“I didn’t.” Panic rose in him, the man momentarily forgetting about the pain as he tried to get your attention. “That is not what this -” But he stopped at the sight of your smirking face, fingers wrapped around the smooth surface of the glass. Oh, she … one point for you. “That was a good one. Had me going for a few.” 

“Just wanted to distract you until you could take your medicine, Ezra.” He popped the pill into his mouth and then took the water from you, tilting his head back as he downed the cool liquid. “Did it work?”

“It did.” He swallowed the last of the water and then set the glass down, closing his eyes. “Thank you.” It would take a few minutes for the painkiller to do its job, but Ezra spent long seconds listening for Cee and trying to figure out if she was even home. Is that the water running? She must be showering. “Despite the way things ended tonight, I hope you had a good time. I did. And I was being truthful when I said I wanted to see you again, so I hope you’ll agree to that.”  

“Yeah.” Arms crossed over your chest, you nodded. “It’s a date.” The pain was still there but Ezra ignored it as he closed the distance between the two of you, wanting at the very least to wrap his arm around you and hug you goodbye. I want to kiss her, but … “Let me know when you’re free. I really will cook for you if you want.” You wet your lips and Ezra stared at the motion of your tongue, his heartbeat quickening. I want to do more than kiss her. “I should go. It really is late, and I’m sure you want to get ready for bed and let that pill -” 

“Is it alright if I kiss you goodnight?” He couldn’t remember the last time he’d asked to kiss someone - it usually just happened, and more often than not, it wasn’t Ezra that initiated the act. “I want -’

“Yes.” You nodded, one hand flat on the counter and the other reaching out for his hip, Ezra’s hand rising toward your face. “Yeah, I’d… Ezra.” There was barely any space between you, and even in the dim lighting from beneath the cabinets, he could see the way your pupils had expanded, could hear the quickened breaths you were taking. She wants this as much as I do. 

He said your name once as he leaned in, the man’s eyes slowly closing as he angled his head, and then you touched him - your fingers curling against his side. You hummed, the man’s fingertips brushing against the skin of your cheek, skin warm to the touch. Just a kiss. Just a goodnight kiss, and - 

“Ezra? Is that you?” You both froze at the sound of a new voice, and Ezra’s stomach dropped, a quiet gasp from you loud in his ears. “I was in the shower, and …” He turned his head to the side fighting back a groan at the sight of Cee standing at the end of the hallway, her hair wet and her eyes wide as she looked between the two of you. “Holy shit, it was you that he was going out with! I knew it!” 

— 

You backed away from the man quickly, like you’d been doing something wrong and then turned your attention to Cee, the girl’s eyes moving back and forth between you and Ezra. Guess she knows now. “It is me, little bird. Me and our friend here.” He gestured toward you, releasing a long breath. “We were having a final drink downstairs when my arm betrayed me and required medication.” He looked at you, giving you a soft smile. “And she wouldn’t let me come up by myself in case I needed assistance, so here we are.” 

“Does it still hurt?” Cee stepped closer, looking at Ezra with concern. “Do you need -”

“I took my pills.” He reached for the bottle, lifting it and giving it a shake. “I just need to wait for them to kick in.” She nodded and then turned her full attention to you, the concern turning into amusement. 

“You didn’t tell me.” She bit her lip, trying to hold back a smile. “We talked all week, and -”

“Didn’t want to get too ahead of myself, Cee. It was only dinner. One dinner, and I wanted to give Ezra a chance to tell you if he chose to.”  

“Hmm. And now you’re here, in his apartment.” Yeah? Why is that such a surprise? She tilted her head to the right, grinning. “I’m glad you went out together tonight. Don’t let me interrupt you two. I just heard voices, and -”

“Everything’s fine, Birdie.” Ezra leaned back against the edge of the counter, eyeing the girl. “We were just saying goodnight.” We were. 

“Oh! Yeah, alright.” Cee winced and then lifted her hands in surrender, backing away. “Have a good night, you two. I’m sorry I -”

“Don’t apologize.” You waved her off, heartbeat finally slowing. “It was good to see you, Cee.” She was gone only a few seconds later, the sound of her door closing behind her barely audible from down the hallway - and then you turned toward Ezra. “Guess she knows now.” 

He laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “She certainly does.” But the laughter faded soon after, Ezra once again closing the distance between the two of you. “It’s a shame that we were interrupted.” His voice low, you could hear regret in it. “That was almost … a perfect ending to the night.” Does that mean he’s not going to try again? 

“It gives me something to look forward to, then.” It was a gamble, but he didn’t seem to take it poorly, instead reaching out for your hand again and linking his fingers with yours. 

“That makes two of us.” He led you to the door and then stopped before you could open it, saying your name. “Let me know when you make it home?” Assuring him that you would, you reached behind you to make sure that you still had your phone and car keys, shifting back and forth on your feet. “I have two weeks off from rehearsing with The Fringe, so if you’re free at any time, I -”

“I’m usually out of work by 5 during the week, and don’t work on weekends unless it’s an emergency.” You were still holding his hand, Ezra’s grip firm. “And I meant it about cooking for you. I can do that during the week. Maybe…” You didn’t know if you were overstepping, but you decided to go for it anyway. “You could come over after your physical therapy session? I know you and Cee usually order out that day, so I could save you some time and money?” 

“I’m not always in the best shape after those sessions.” Pulling his hand free, he raised it to the back of his neck, looking off to the right. “I can’t promise I’d be good company.” 

“It was just a suggestion. And Ezra, it’s not a surprise that those days are tough for you. That’s why I’m offering.” He’s going to say no. I fucked it up, Kevva help me. I - 

“My sessions are usually on Tuesdays. If there’s a doctor’s visit, they’re earlier in the day, but when it’s just therapy, like it will be for the next few, I’m usually the last patient, so I finish around five. If we came back here and changed before heading over, would that give you enough time to get things ready?” Plenty of time. That’s perfect. 

“Send over a couple dinner options, I need to know what you and Cee want to eat, but yeah. That’s… that’s more than enough time, Ezra. And you don’t need to change. If your sessions are at the same hospital I met Cee at, it’s actually closer to my place than your apartment is.” Don’t push him. “Just let me know. Whatever’s easier for you.” But that means it’ll be four days until I see him again. You felt a pang of sadness at the realization, but forced yourself to keep a straight face, waiting to see how he’d reply. 

“You’ll hear from me as soon as I talk with Cee.” His hand dropped and as it did, skimmed along your arm. Lips parting at the feeling of his fingertips - calloused from years of playing guitar - running along your skin, you stepped closer to the man once more, the reaction an unconscious one. “I had an incredible time with you tonight.” Ezra said your name, calling your attention back to his face. “Thank you for that.” 

“You’re welcome.” You weren’t proud of the fact that your voice wavered, but he didn’t seem to mind, the man’s hand moving from your arm to your hip and guiding you closer before it slid around to your waist. He pulled you close and you wound both arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. You felt the remaining portion of his right arm bump against your side, but apart from that it was a typical hug, the man’s chest broad and firm as it met yours, his fingers splayed over your back. 

He held you close for longer than you thought he would, and with some shock you realized that it was likely the first time he’d hugged anyone after the accident - apart from Cee, and maybe some of his friends. And Inumon. Because I’m sure she… Pushing that thought to the side, you focused on him - on the way he smelled; cologne spicy and fresh, a hint of shampoo lingering in his hair. He was warm, too, the man’s body radiating heat, and you would have gladly stayed locked in his embrace for much longer … but Ezra pulled back, his stubbled cheek dragging against your smooth one before you felt his lips on your cheek - pressed against skin that still tingled from the rasp of his beard.

You tried to hold still but the kiss shocked you, your head jerking slightly to the side - and that’s when it happened: his lips against the corner of your mouth, barely making contact before he pulled away. Ezra’s eyes were glinting in the low light when you met them, and even though he loosened his hold on you, he didn’t make any move to step backwards. “You should go. It’s late. And what kind of a man would I be if I kept you out into the -” 

“Goodnight, Ezra.” Unwinding your arms from his neck, you let your fingers trail over it, the ends of his hair soft beneath your fingers. Wonder if the blonde is just as soft. “Thank you for dinner.” Turning away from him you reached for the doorknob and twisted it, pulling it all the way open so that light spilled into the apartment from the hallway. Once outside, you turned to look at him, the man’s arm raised above his head so that he could lean on the doorframe. You caught a glimpse of tanned skin near his waist and forced yourself to avert your eyes. Not the time. “Hope your arm’s feeling better.”

“It is.” He nodded, shoulders relaxing. “Text me as soon as you get home.” You promised him that you would, and then turned again, heading for the elevator. 

Once the doors shut behind you, you slumped against the wall and let out a gasp. Not because you were unhappy - but because you were overwhelmed. The night had gone much differently than you’d thought it would, but every second had been better than the previous one. And he almost kissed me. We almost… 

Logically, it made no sense. You’d just broken up with a long term boyfriend, and even though he’d been cheating, part of you still thought that you should have been more upset over it. And I’m not. You were attracted to Ezra and had enjoyed your time with him - much more than you’d enjoyed any other first date that you’d ever been on, and you thought that that meant something. Yeah, that you’re getting ahead of yourself. 

“But maybe I’m not.” You whispered the words as you exited out into the lobby, eyes moving back to the entrance of the bar. In a split second, you made a decision, striding back over and heading straight for the smooth wood of the main serving area. It only took a second for one of the bartenders to step in front of you, her lips painted a gorgeous shade of red that stood out against her skin. “Hi. I wanted to pay an open tab from earlier? We had to leave a little abruptly, so -”

“Ezra’s tab?” She leaned closer, blinking. “I saw you both leave and was worried. He doesn’t usually just walk out without saying goodbye.” 

“His arm was bothering him.” He said that he’s talked to them about it, so… “Needed to get back to his apartment and take care of it. But I’d like to close out the check, even though he said that you usually just add it to his monthly rent. Can you do that?” She eyed you for a few seconds and then nodded, reaching below the bar and bringing out a small tablet before tapping a few times on the screen. 

“We take cash, or if you’d like to use a chip you can just tap it against the screen here.” Spinning the device to face you, you eyed it - and the total - for only a moment before you held out your hand, pressing the tip of your ring finger against the screen and waiting for the accompanying beep to lift it. “Great. Thanks. No signature needed since you paid with your chip, so -”

“Can I leave a tip?” Staring down at the numbers, you did some quick math. “There’s no line here for -” Her fingers flew over the screen again and the familiar options popped up. “Great.” You finished moments later, double-tapping with a different finger to confirm the transaction, and then you looked back up, giving the woman another smile. “Anything else?”

“Nope!” Tucking the tablet back beneath the bar, the women watched you in silence for a few seconds and then spoke again, her words carefully measured. “Ezra’s in here a lot. But he’s never brought anyone else with him except for Cee. And even with her, I’ve never seen him the way he was tonight.” 

“What do you mean?” Confused, you rested both hands on the smooth surface, waiting. “I don’t -” 

“I’ve never seen him as … content as he was tonight. Never as happy.” She leaned closer, eyes locked with yours. “I’ve known that man for years, and he’s never smiled at anyone in here the way he was smiling tonight, even before his injury.” Oh, that … that changes things. Even though we were talking about … “So thank you for putting that look on his face. Kevva and all her Idols know he needs it.”

She didn’t wait for a response from you before she turned back to her coworker, leaving you standing alone - and in shock. She has no reason to lie to me. You stood there for a few seconds longer and then walked away from the bar, heading back for the parking lot, thoughts swirling around in your head. 

All in all it had been a great night for you - even factoring in the interrupted kiss. And he’s coming for dinner next week. He wants to see me again. By the time you were buckled in behind the wheel, you were grinning - and feeling much lighter than you had in months. 

—

Tag list coming separately! 

[drawpaintwritemakethings]

stop holding onto yourself

an original mixed media painting on cradled wood panel

24 x 30 x 1.75 inches

ready to hang, with a wire attachment in back

figurative, in black and white, with spot colour

the astronaut, high above east germany

alice blue, beige, bisque, blanched almond, bone, citron, coquelicot, dark turquoise, eggshell, ghost white, isabelline, ivory, light orange, mint cream, orchid pink, peach puff, saffron, sinopia, thulian pink, vermillion

for the centre of a smaller or medium-sized room, or corner of a larger

classic astronaut, straight from the space age missions

three quotations come to mind … 

Space is to place as eternity is to time.   — Joseph Joubert I wanted to be a secret agent and an astronaut, preferably at the same time.   — David Byrne Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.   — Hermann Hesse

no preliminary pencil lines … straight brush to surface, with tiny details in collage

varnished: a durable artwork that can be freely handled

shipped with care

everything from my shop comes with an extra art surprise

buy from people, not corporations

buy things made by human hands, not computers

escape from the dreaming planet ... give the gift of original art

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wood, paper, acrylic, wire, gel, drawing, collage, varnish, marker, crayon, black, white, grey, stars, rockets, adventure