#tht entire scene i was seated

[rocks-in-my-vodka]

assad zaman went frm “oooh i hope i get this minor part :)” to “thE NAME!!! UN UTTERED IN OUR HOUSE F O R 2 3 YEARS SAID OVER AND O V E R AGAIN”

[thekirammanjinx]

idk if you wanna get rambling asks abt arcane so if not im so sorry pls ignore me but im throwin hands with the next person to call caitlyn a fascist LKJFKJLKFJKFJF like,,,, im sorry but u completely ignored how she didnt want the power and how she didnt want things to continue, she literally says the police state has gone on months longer than she ever wanted and LITERALLY the worst thing cait does is,,,, before she's even in power LKJFLKJFKLJF like the use of the grey i the worst thing she does, every other pressure of power is done,,,, by ambessa with caitlyn following at the start but very obviously already working to get out of her grief following her when act 2 starts lkgdkjdsglkjdsg like even when shes in her evil era, shes reforming the prison, shes trying to keep the peace, shes only lashing out when her grief is spun about by jinx and tht is constantly happening bcuz shes become the face of the revolution and Ambessa is constantly manipulating her to stoke the flames of her rage dglkjsldkjglksjgd even at her WORST, cait tried her best to mitigate deaths, to remove only those connected to jinx, and wanted to press for the release of the police state to try and calm the people,,,,, and then when she does give up her power, she literally HANDS IT TO SEVIKA to give her seat on the council, loses an EYE to protect her people, and is probably lauded as a war hero, which is why she won't be investigated like my girl was never a full blown fascist dictator, she was literally trying to wear the mantle her mother left behind her, literally shown in the scenes where she dons the cape, trying to be the person she had to be as a leader in the council where she has to be someone other than herself, something shes always loathed about topside, and she hated it, hated herself, the entire fucking time lgkjksjgdlkjgd i'm not excusing her actions, she fucked up and she will probably spend the rest of her life atoning bcuz thats just who she is but like the lack of nuanced thought when it comes to caitlyn in this fandom is so wild, esp since shes a narrative foil to jinx and so many people love jinx

This got long, ofc, thank you for the discussion anon:

Its like when people call her "kkkiramman" like nothing she did or believed ever aligned with the extremity of that hate group. She definitely became less sympathetic and understanding and colder, but she never full on hated zaun in it's entirety. We can still visibly see her reservations. She did have her hand and role to play but to believe she in anyway compares is absolute blasphemous.

We can hold caitlyn accountable without being god awful extremist about it.

People want to throw alot of buzz words around. But let's be for real for a moment and talk about how ambessa utilized and took advantage of caitlyn's grief to groom her into this person who would write off ambessa war crimes. The way ambessa continued to twist the knife and dangle jinx like a carrot in front of Cait.

Ambess orchestrating the attack on the memorial was the first match lit. Like she did not give a single fuck the collateral to get what she wanted. She took someone she could manipulate in her conquest to start a war so piltover would be forced to make the weapons she desired.

When we see Caitlyn waver in front of ambessa "the sword cuts both ways" ambessa is quick with her trained manipulation. Always coaxing the flames of caitlyn's hatred for jinx. Making sure that she can't even begin to consider if it would be worth it in the end. But also ambessa brought her this far so backing out now would've felt like a waste. Truly a defeat. She would've pushed vi away for nothing, in her mind.

Caitlyn is not absolved of her crimes. She literally says this herself?! Hello people. But people who write her off as irredeemable make my head spin.

If you think saying "she grew up privileged and had the luxury of grieving" suddenly makes every emotion in her go away then maybe you shouldn't be watching any shows or consuming media. Like the class war between piltover and zaun is very important but that's not what the take away is supposed to be and so many people miss that. Everyone wants to think they're truly fighting some irl classist war when they dont extend any nuance to Cait.

"She faced one death and couldn't handle it" girl she faced one murder, by jinx that she believes she could've prevented. She faced being abducted from her own bathroom by jinx. Like jinx truly terrorized her, yall expected her not to see red when it came to jinx. Maybe if they added little squiggly and distortions people would get the message that she was traumatized by jinx.

If this were any other show "the mental illness made them do it" would not be a write off for jinx.

I guess it's fine if silco and jinx terrorize their own people in zaun because they're on the same class level?

I love jinx but I wish people would look at her critically. Look at why she's such an interesting character. Jinx and Caitlyn are so much foils but people don't get that. Caitlyn is really wearing the crimes of every enforcer on her shoulder, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if fandom personally blamed her for killing vi parents.

I think we always saw that caitlyn was never too far gone which made every complacency hurt more. Wanting for her to wake up from her blinded rage that had her being ambessa accomplice, so to speak, so to say she is irredeemable... i cannot.

Someone will misread this and think I'm not holding caitlyn accountable or that I'm dismissing her actions. Which I'm not.

[dystopiandramaqueen]

Tough one but… favorite line from any fic you’ve written 💅

*Seated in a leather armchair by a crackling fire, I flip to Chapter 10 of Undisclosed Desires*

"“You should spank me.”

My sexuality was a secret, hidden thing for most of my life. I picked up a copy of 50 shades of Grey to see what the fuss was about. It was my first experience with smut. With women talking about their sexual fantasies. I learned 50 Shades started as fanfic. That is how I got into writing. It was the most liberating, healing experience of my adult life.

THT is a very vanilla fandom bc the ship are rape victims.

It took me a very very long time to get those characters into a setting where June could ask Nick to spank her just because she wanted him to. Not because she was age regressed or confused or a masochist- but because being manhandled is fucking hot.

I beta'd this story with so many people, getting the vibes right.

But this line?

I got to the point in the story where the chessboard was set.

She had to just fucking say it.

It's the hardest thing I've ever written, and looking at it now it still feels like- I climbed Everest or something.

That's the delay with Indulgences too I have a literal mental block about finishing my fantasies and making them real.

And I'm just learning to proceed and ignore all the doubt.

My goal is to have written enough smut to keep myself entertained when I no longer want to write. I want to finish this shit. And thank you for this ask- bc its reminding me like- just fucking write it.

below is the scene in context! Enjoy!

June goes to leave but Nick blocks her. She’s caged between his arms, his palms flat on the wall next to her shoulders. She catches her breath and looks at him.

Something’s changed. His body language is primal. Possessive. Chest rising and falling quickly. He licks his lower lip. Voice a low growl.

“You’re getting fucked. Hard. But not until we discuss your behavior.”

June’s stomach twists with excitement and embarrassment.

Nick grabs her wrists and pins them to the wall above her head.

He kisses up her neck, mouthing over her ear. Voice low. Dominant. “You. Are in BIG trouble.”

June’s heart races. Oh my god, it’s happening.

“You have been very, very bad. Making me watch while other men touch you...Getting me so hard for you.” He moves her hand down, so she can feel his huge erection straining through his gym shorts. She gasps. It feels so good. Jesus.

He continues, dark eyes locked on hers. Expression humorless. “You did that. Wasn’t very nice was it?”

Her eyes squeeze closed and she shakes her head. It’s too good. Too hot.

“And worst of all. You’ve been keeping secrets from me.”

June drags her dazed eyes to his.

Nick raises his eyebrows, nodding at the severity of this infracion. “Should you keep secrets from your husband?”

She shakes her head, eyes shimmering with mischief.

“No. You shouldn’t. How am I supposed to fuck you right if you won’t tell me everything you need.��EVERYTHING you want me to do to you.”

Oh jesus, it’s happening.

“You’ve been dropping hints for weeks. But I want you to own it. You’d better fess up or you’re gonna be in worse trouble than you already are. You’re already getting punished for getting my cock so hard for you. Do we have to add secrets to the list?”

June’s breaths are coming hard now. Body on fire. Too turned on to move or respond. Heart beating entirely too fast. Everything hurts. Throbbing down there. Aching. She needs him so badly.

Nick’s lips ghost over her mouth, leaving sparks when they brush against hers. Whispering.

“You’ve... been... So...Fucking... Bad. What should I do about that?”

The words tumble out before she can stop them. A breathy whisper.

“You should spank me.”

“Fucking Christ.” Nick whispers under his breath. Eyes clenching shut. He swallows thickly. He presses his lips together for a few beats. He blows out a slow breath to center himself. She feels goosebumps rise on his arms. “Very good.” He whispers. “That was very good. I know that wasn’t easy.”

A smirk grows on his gorgeous mouth. He’s so fucking into it. Into her. She remembers what he said. That his ultimate kink is giving her what she wants. Her embarrassment vanishes.

She leans forward to kiss him. He moans into it.

Then suddenly he’s pulling her across the room. Sitting on the bench in the middle of the room. Pulling her across his lap, like he used to pull her into bed in his apartment.

Oh my god it’s happening.

Continue reading on A03

[beantothemax]

ALERT! DO NOT READ THIS UNTIL YOU'VE READ PRAEM 3 (which i believe ive sent you but i can resend it if you want)

Chapter Four:

Praem Saeci and Ekaterina Raszio arrive in the city of Hewpass

Praem Saeci holds the murder weapon fated to kill her companion. Ekaterina Raszio leads her murderer to the scene of the crime.

Very little happens in town save for getting to the crevasse, which isn’t very hard

The mining business is booming here, and a friendly miner is willing to let them into one of the old cave systems

Legend has it, or so they say, that at the end of one of them lies a waterfall hiding a terrible secret

Has anyone seen the waterfall? No, of course not. But it’s the only cave save for the active mining tunnels that no one’s seen the end of

Also the records point to there being traps in there so there’s gotta be SOMETHING

And, what else could one do but go down into the blatantly evil waterfall cave? Praem and Ekaterina are lowered by a mechanical lift into…

The Fourth Dungeon: The Seat of Prophecy

This is my One Cool Dungeon for Praem’s story (Aestia had the Spire of Beginnings AND the Masterless Wood and Tyrri had the Heart of Wild Magic, so I had to give her something)

All of this chapter’s travel banters will take place inside of the dungeon at various points, and imply that it has taken days to plumb the depths

I’m not sure as to what the order will be but I know that Tsisyth’s will be close to the end, since he was a treasure hunter and a spelunker in his younger days

Regardless, there are three sections of the dungeon that trigger cutscenes, all of which showcase Praem’s foresight saving her or Ekaterina’s ass

Every time it happens, though, Praem gets more and more worried about the certainty of her visions

She’s seen the dagger. She’s going towards the waterfall. Her ability has never steered her wrong

Eventually, through traps (which I have not come up with yet) and trials, the team makes their way down into the depths of the cave

Sure enough, flowing from who-knows-where, is a waterfall

Ekaterina breaks into a run upon seeing it. Hasty footsteps upon damp stone.

After the gang catches up, they all puzzle out a way to get past the waterfall

It’s simple enough; there’s a tall, mostly flat boulder leaning up against the wall, as if left there on purpose to cross the chasm into which the waterfall flows

They cross, take a moment to dry off, and then it comes time to examine the efface upon which answers are written

Ekaterina asks Praem if she’s nervous. She knows she is, but the formality is appreciated

Or at least it would be if Praem hadn’t seen what comes next

She doesn’t even notice that Ekaterina still has her sword by her side

The efface reads as follows:

Twenty score years and twenty leagues,

There shall they arise from the earth.

Eyes of amethyst and mind of iron,

A blade of mist fit for my service.

Blood split upon this stone,

Shall see their resolve woven into mine.

Break the razor and bleed it dry,

It shan’t have time to beg for its salvation.

They shall be there when next I wake,

A right hand fit for a king.

A loyal lieutenant, a valiant servant,

By my making, …

I read the entire last part out loud to myself as I read it and that made it even more chilling I think. also ekaterina still has her sword being a detail tht is pointed out is. concerning.

also I don’t 100% compressed what last part is trying to convey but I have a terrible feeling I’ll find out sooner rather than later

[ptergwen]

Hey! I was wondering if you could do a fluffy type thing based on the gif of ur navigation page. Ya know the scene in the movie where he can see whos doing what on their phones? and maybe the reader is like talking about their crush on him? i think tht woukd be a rly cool concept. but you dont have to do it if you dont want to :)

this is really cute omg i never would’ve thought of it either :,)

i couldn’t find the gif in question but close enough

“i have access to the entire stark global security network, including multiple defense satellites,” edith tells peter as he looks around the bus through his glasses. “as well as back doors to all major telecommunication networks,” she adds on. peter’s eyes go wider, images of his classmates’ and teachers’ phones popping up.

“woah,” he mumbles to himself. he can see people’s texts, google searches, everything. peter can’t help but be curious about what you’re up to. you’re sitting alone and kind of hunched over in your seat, so he assumes your phone is out. that gives him an idea.

“um, edith?” peter asks for his new... friend. she responds almost immediately. “yes, peter?” “what’s y/n doing?” your picture, name, and a view of your screen show up in his glasses. “i can’t believe that worked” he mutters and glances over at you again in person. you sit a few rows ahead of him.

he’d wanted to sit with you for the ride, but dimitri wouldn’t let him. something about blowing his cover.

peter focuses in on your screen again. you’re texting mj, in long paragraphs, and her messages back are just as lengthy. it seems like it’s a pretty personal conversation. maybe he shouldn’t be snooping on you. “edith, could you-“ his heart beats a little faster when he sees his name come up. he’s technically not snooping if it’s about him.

“yes, peter?” edith prompts him. “never mind,” he dismisses her, wanting to find out why he was mentioned. he sneaks a quick peek at mj to make sure she hasn’t caught on. she has a habit of always being in his business. she’s across the bus with brad next to her, so she hasn’t picked up on the fact that peter is watching you two.

chewing on your bottom lip, you type out your next message. peter jumps in his seat as it flashes across the screen.

you

i really like him and i thought he liked me too but he’s been kind of like... idk avoiding me the whole trip?

“i’m not avoiding her!” peter whisper yells, biting the inside of his cheek while he waits for mj to reply. it then hits him what you said in the first part. you like him. not just like him, really like him. he could pass out right now and call this a dream. he’s been crushing on you for a while, but he was too scared to say something. this is definitely a confidence booster.

mj

wdym avoiding you? he’s been ditching the whole class y/n/n. kinda sus if u ask me

you

stopppp 😭 maybe he has something going on bc he’s been weird since before we left

mj

uh he’s been weird his whole life

peter purses his lips at that, eyebrows furrowed in offense. he can’t believe nick fury is ruining his love life. or, the potential of him having a love life. you could’ve been cuddled up next to him and listening to music together right now. he’d made a playlist for the trip of both your favorite songs, that specific reason being why.

but, no. nothing that isn’t superhero related can ever go peter’s way. he’s had enough of fury and his team controlling him.

you

i don’t wanna get dramatic or whatever but should i just give up? if peter is busy i don’t wanna overwhelm him

“thanks, edith. you can stop showing me now,” peter decides, getting up from his seat before he loses his nerve to. he makes his way through the aisle and over to you. “i said all kids stay seated!” dimitri scolds him with a stern look through the front mirror. he doesn’t actually care if people get up, he just wants to keep peter away from everyone else. good thing he’s the one driving so he can’t do anything about it.

“sorry!” peter calls back, making you look up from your phone. giving him a lopsided smile, you quickly shut it off. you didn’t expect him to be the rule breaker getting yelled at. “hey,” you greet him. “hey. can i sit with you?” peter smiles back, without the nervousness. he already knows your feelings are mutual.

you scoot closer to the window so there’s more room. “yeah, always.” “thanks,” he breathes out a laugh and takes his seat. “i like your glasses. when did you get those?” you compliment, loving the way the blue frames sit on his face. peter squints at you. “glasses? what glasses- oh.” he’d forgotten to take them off before coming over. great, now he needs an excuse.

“they... they, um, at this store in venice...” that’s all he can come up with. you’re guessing the glasses have something to do with his stress lately, and you’re not far off. you let him leave it at that. “well, they look really good on you. really really good,” you laugh and get a laugh of relief out of peter as well. “thank you, y/n/n.” “you’re welcome.” you’re grinning for real now, and being the cause of it makes peter so happy.

he’s ready to shoot his shot.

“do you wanna, um, listen to music with me?” peter asks softly over the loud rumbling of the bus. “i made a playlist... for us.” for us. him coming over here, thinking of you like that, the doubts you were having earlier are starting to fade away. you nod, a giggle slipping out of you. “yeah, we can share my earbuds. thanks, peter.”

you unzip your backpack and grab them, peter biting back another grin. this is working out exactly how he wanted it to. you hold out an earbud to him and put yours in. peter does the same, adjusting his while both of you move in so the wire doesn’t stretch. yup, that’s why. definitely not so you two can be closer.

“can i plug these in?” peter asks, taking the connecting end of the wire. “mhm,” you hum and watch him put it into his phone. he opens up spotify and goes to his playlist, titled with a smiley face and every pink heart emoji. that brings yet another smile to your face. “aw, that’s cute,” you comment, taking a leap of faith and resting your head on peter’s shoulder.

peter hits shuffle and makes a move of his own by resting his head on yours. he lowers the music a bit so he can say something to you, confess to you what he finally has the courage to you. “hey, y/n?” he mumbles, waiting for you to look at him. you already were. “i like you.” you settle into peter even more and let out a content sigh. “i like you, too.”

[staywrites]

nation's sweetheart. | kim seungmin

fem!reader; idol/artist!reader >_< also i. was inspired by tht one clip of jessi trying on wedding gowns and i just. had to write one. its 1 am and i just wrote this bcos i was excited qqwghfpvi.

to: bub

im home :)

from: bub

:o u didnt tell me! did u surprise me... ㅎㅎ

to: bub

that was my plan..ㅎ

from: bub

im with a few friends rn ill come home quick we'll just finish up hereㅇㅗㅇ i love you! <3

seungmin chuckled. he originally planned to surprise you since the two of you had been busy being artists, but it seemed that you had one more schedule to attend to before slipping back to his arms.

your flat stayed almost the same as when he last visited: the accent decoration that was the small succulent on the coffee table was pushed to the side to accommodate three books, the throwpillows stacked on an armchair, and the many polaroids of you and seungmin that he decided to randomly stick around your bookshelf were still on their rightful places the same way he last left them.

and he ultimately decided to fix everything upㅡminus the polaroids. it looked cute there. he inwardly giggled at his softness for you.

he turned the television on in hopes of passing time, and coincidentally, the reality show that you starred on was currently being aired. a sense of pride washed over seungmin as he watches you and another celebrity gush over beautiful wedding gowns. the episode's mission was to give the celebrity a fake wedding and you were given the role of the maid of honor, so it seemed. well, befitting for the deemed nation's sweetheart who never failed to show her caretaker personality in every single show she was casted on.

now, prior to this (around the start of the year), you took the nation (and the internet) by storm when you casually dropped the announcement of having a boyfriend in one of the shows, and it seemed like even the other celebrities you were with while shooting the scene were flustered by it. however, this news was already approved by your company. even though you didn't give a name, the media ate it up, and naver was flooded with comments congratulating your boyfriend for snagging a sweetheart.

he was proud of himself for having you as well.

suddenly, the camera panned to which the entire staff could be seen, and then panned to you who was looking past the cameras, your face flushed.

"oh, should i? but i'm just the maid of honor. . ." you said, to which the director insisted you find a gown for yourself. the celebrity you were with giggled in glee.

you sighed in defeat, but smiled in excitement nonetheless. a few effects and wedding chime background music later, the wedding shop's staff pulled the curtains open, revealing you, the nation's sweetheart, smiling shyly, dressed in a sparkly white ballgown, and a bouquet of white lillies in your hands.

the celebrity, the staff, and even seungmin, gasped at the sight of you, drinking you in. you looked ethereal under the warm lights of the dressing room's stage, and as the celebrity continued to drop compliments about how you looked so good in the gown, seungmin felt his heartbeat pace rapidly against his chest.

images of you in the same wedding gown popped into his head, as you walked down the aisle with your father, the same, shy smile adorning your face slightly hidden under a veil, and a proud seungmin waiting for you at the end. imagining it alone moved seungmin to the point where he felt his eyes sting with incoming tears.

it continued as you tried on other gowns, but it was clear to everyone on the set that you looked absolutely ethereal in the first one, even to seungmin. then, the celebrity asked a question he was eager to hear your answer for.

"you told us you have a boyfriend. . .what do you want to say to him?" you had giggled at that, and seungmin's heart melted as you pushed away the veil.

"don't feel pressured. i know you're antsy on your seat right now." the show and seungmin laughed at your comment. "let's. . .go with the flow. though, i'd like to spend my life with you."

seungmin smiled softly at that, his heart lurching. just then, the door jingle chimed across the flat, but seungmin was too engrossed by you being carefree and showing your sweetheart personality that he did not notice you watching him in awe.

"no pressure," you suddenly said, causing him to look back at you. he opened his arms wide, and you ran to him, dropping your bag, to jump on his offer of a tight and loving hug. he peppered kisses on your head as you snuggled closer, taking in his fresh scent and feeling the love and excitement melt on your heart, effectively coating it with your affection for your boyfriend.

the soft murmurs of conversation the two of you had as you both tuned out the television and let the afternoon turn to evening, was enough for seungmin to start mentally planning for a day to start looking for wedding rings.

and true enough, only half a year later, once again you, the nation's sweetheart, took the nation (and the internet) by storm when you posted a picture of your shining engagement ring, along with a photo of seungmin.

♡ 876k likes

ynnie you all asked who the lucky guy was. i'd like to think i was the lucky one. my seungmo, thank you for offering me to join the ride of life with you. <3

[cauldronoflove]

top 5 x-files episodes?

LOVE getting this question bc a few slots are always changing but some are locked in for life

1. 1x05 jersey devil [ive said before tht i think everyone has like One Episode of their favorite show tht doesnt necessarily have to be the best ep but is for sure Their Episode and jersey devil is tht ep for me]

2. 1x08 ice [i regard this as one of if not the best ep of the entire series hands down]

3. 6x19 the unnatural [unusual for me to sing the praises of an ep from so late in the series but literally. oh man this ep fucking gets me and i also consider it one of the best eps]

4. 3x22 quagmire [my initial xfiles binge is lowkey a blur to me but i remember exactly where i was and wht i was doing when i watched this ep and it rlly made me fall in love w the show all over again so it has a special place in my heart also. queequeg :^) ]

5. 2x09 firewalker [its such a sleeper of an ep oh my god. i recently rewatched it after i got into the west wing bc i was floored tht i didnt realize bradley whitford played trepkos the first couple times i watched it but in my latest viewing i was reminded tht like. this is the ep directly after one breath. this is the ep tht first deals w the fallout of scullys abduction as it effects life outside of her laying in tht hospital bed. it rlly packs a lot in and is SO underrated and launched itself into my favorites by sheer force alone. also mulder wears his denim shirt in this ep, a win for me.]

i also have to give a special shoutout to 5x10 chinga which genuinely freaks me the fuck out bc i hate dolls but also keeps me coming back bc god,, the sculder of it all, 1x01 pilot bc it honest to god feels like coming home every time i watch it, 5x05 postmodern prometheus bc it has everything you could want aka cher soundtrack and perhaps my favorite sculder moment of all time aka the dance scene at the end, and 1x20 darkness falls which is slowly creeping in as one of my absolute Favorites and i honestly cant pinpoint why but i keep rewatching it and just being like. just as on the edge of my seat abt it as i was the first time i saw it

send me top 5 anything!!

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.4

i arise from my grave to post this

so uhhhh consider............... im a tired college student-

anyway uh

i swear this part is shorter than i intended but i guess i’ll die

warnings: squip. thts it. the squip. manipulation, abuse, everything that kinda comes with writing about the SQUIP. also horror movie mentions but nothing explicit (although a kill is mentioned from one of said horror movies)

             Halloween day finally comes, and thankfully lands on a Saturday to give you maximum time to hang out with Michael and Jeremy (who, upon learning you’d be joining the two of them during a lucky moment between classes, had stared at you for a moment with furrowed brow before commenting he didn’t know that the two of you were friends again). Your nerves were getting the best of you as you flipped through your clothes, slipping into a comfortable pair of black jeans. The entire time, your SQUIP lingered around you, talking you through some game plan. You stripped off the large shirt you used for pajamas and slipped into a plain black t-shirt, before fishing your jean jacket from your bed. 

            Finally, you turned to your SQUIP’s form standing behind you. “Maybe I could, y’know... do this myself?” You suggested, before following it up with a quick, almost apologetic, “I don’t think I should be depending on you for every interaction... right?”

            At first, it didn’t respond. It stared at you, lips pressed into a thin line as it gave you a once-over. After letting out a small hum of approval at your ensemble, it shook it’s head. “I’ve run the numbers and that will result in your failure, [y/n]. It’s best to stick with the original plan,” and then it paused for a moment, “I’m beginning to detect that you don’t trust me.”

            “I do!” You responded quickly, before you nervously pushed past the intangible figure to look in your mirror. Combing your fingers through your hair, you let the question weigh in your mind before you finally looked back to your SQUIP. “Is... Is there any way to get rid of you?” 

            “No.” The response was sharp, quick to shoot down any and every idea you’d been formulating. 

            “Oh. So...” You trailed off, before crossing your room and fishing through your dresser to find a pair of socks, “I’m stuck with you, then.”

            “Stuck implies you no longer want me here, [y/n].”

            “It’s not that I don’t want you here...” You mused aloud, before snagging a pair of shoes and sitting on your bed. “It’s just... I don’t think I want you around when I’m, like, thirty.”

            “Plenty of world leaders would kill to have a SQUIP, [y/n]. Consider yourself lucky.”

            You merely shrugged at the sentiment before your phone chimed with a text from Michael, almost as if on cue to end this awkward moment between you and the voice in your head. Quickly, you finished getting ready and shoved your keys and phone into your pocket, and you raced out to Michael’s car. Jeremy was already in the passenger seat, forcing you to retire into the back - which, you immediately sprawled out and absolutely enjoyed the space as Michael took off, launching into a list of the contenders for the evening. Scream, Halloween, A Nightmare On Elm Street, specifically the remake of Friday The 13th (and, for a moment, you heard Jeremy exhale sharply at the title), Final Destination...

            “And Terrifier-” Michael began, eyes cutting towards Jeremy for a split second. 

            Immediately, Jeremy smacked Michael’s arm. “Dude, I told you I’m not watching Terrifier-” He shifted, “fuck that clown.” 

            You looked between the two of them. “What’s Terrifier?” 

            Michael’s beaming at your question. “Jer. We have to. They don’t-”

            “No!” He retorted, “fuck you, I’m sparing them, then-”

            “C’mon, Jeremy,” Michael teased further, “it’s just one kill-”

            “HE SAWS HER IN HALF, MICHAEL.” Jeremy’s voice went up an octave, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “that’s horrifying-”

            You rose a brow in response. “What’s so bad about that-”

            Jeremy turned to face you, “okay.” He shut his eyes for a moment, composing himself, before he opened them once more, “there’s this girl that gets kidnapped, right? She gets... suspended spread eagle, and cut down the middle.”

            “Okay, but-”

            “She’s upside down.” When you winced at the mental image, Jeremy looked back at Michael, “see? Any normal person would find that disgusting-”

           “Alright,” Michael conceded, “no Terrifier. Got it.”

           If there was one thing that became apparent extremely quickly, it was that the Friday The 13th remake was fucking awful. Without Michael’s constant quips (plenty having to do with Mr.Supernatural being in the movie), you weren’t sure how you survived - especially during a sex scene until the poetic line of “you have perfect nipple placement, baby” was spoken and immediately the three of you are choking on laughter - Michael more than happy to mock it. And thank fuck for that, because you’d been uncomfortable watching the scene up until that line - to say nothing of how awkwardly silent Jeremy had gone. The moment the movie was over, Michael began to queue up Netflix with the promise of watching something actually good. The opening moments of Scream had been enough to prove that.

          From beside you, Michael lowered his voice, looking at you and Jeremy, “what’s your favorite scary movie?” 

          You playfully nudged him with your elbow, “fuck, dude, that wasn’t even a good impression-”

          “I think it was great, actually,” Michael looked to Jeremy, “don’t you agree?”

          Looking between the two of you, Jeremy debated for a moment before finally giving his answer, “I, uh, kinda have to side with [y/n]-”

          “Unbelievable. Betrayal.” Michael leaned back into the couch, looking back to the movie, “I let you come into my house, eat my snacks-”

          “-That I helped buy,” Jeremy cut in.

          “That my dear friend Jeremiah helped buy,” Michael smirked a little, “and this is how I’m repaid.”

          “C’mon, Mikey,” you nudged him once more, “Jeremy’s not gonna lie about your shitty impression.”

          “He would if I was Christine.”

          “That’s because Christine’s talented,” Jeremy looked away, “it wouldn’t have sucked if she did it.”

          For a moment, you faltered. “Yeah,” you halfheartedly said, and pretended not to catch Michael’s concerned glance at your sudden change in behavior, “he’s got a point.”

          The moment Michael went to say anything, your phone began to ding relentlessly. With the intention of turning it to silent, you pulled it from your jacket pocket only to freeze the moment you caught a glimpse of the screen. Tweet after tweet, text after text, all of it came in rapid-fire, whether they were directly to you or not. You pulled yourself off of the couch, ignoring Michael’s call after you as you head upstairs to open up your Twitter.

          Rich set a fire. Jake’s house was burned down. Rich was in the hospital, and so was Jake.

          A hand landed on your shoulder, and you almost jumped as you turned to face Michael. He stared at you for a moment, giving you a once-over before finally speaking, “you okay?”

          You shrugged it off, stumbling as you took a step back, “yeah-”

          Michael’s gaze goes soft as he picked up on the fear that was racing through your blood and shining on your face. “That’s bullshit, [y/n],” he said, “look, I won’t push you to talk, but-”

          Swallowing your nerves, you forced yourself to stand tall and get your emotions under control. “Can you drive me home?”

          He glanced back to the door, where Jeremy had been coming up the steps, “uh, yeah- just let me grab my phone-”

          And then he left you alone with Jeremy as he retreated downstairs. Biting his bottom lip nervously, he tore his eyes away from you, before finally appearing to gather some courage to speak to you. “Is everything okay?”

          You nodded quickly, “yeah, just...” You trailed off, looking down at the floor, “something came up.”

          “What?”

          Immediately, you panicked. Something about saying Rich Goranski is in the hospital and I’m worried felt too heavy to drop at the moment. So you just stayed silent as Michael came back upstairs with his phone.

          The moment you were back in the sanctuary of your room, you found your phone once more. Flipping through tweets, you felt your stomach drop further. He burned the house down because he knew he was gay and couldn’t handle that, that he was dead, that he was high and drunk, that Jake had broken both of his legs while escaping the fire, and you saw a few tweets from some pissed people about how they’d been slightly burned while escaping the fire. But Rich received the worst of it. 

          “But-” You mused aloud, “how did he - why would he-” 

          “Rich lacked the proper coping mechanism. His SQUIP was most likely disabled due to the alcohol he consumed that night,” your SQUIP stepped into existence in front of you, and you lowered your phone as you looked up at it, “and with everything else he’s been dealing with...”

          Your blood ran cold at the implication. “You don’t mean he-”

          “Perhaps it was just an accident.”

          You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, completely disheveled from your worries. “I should go see him.”

          “He won’t be awake.” Your SQUIP crossed it’s arms as it looked down at you, “besides... he most likely won’t be having visitors yet.”

          “I don’t care-”

          “[y/n]. You need to rest first. You can visit Rich tomorrow...” You finally gave into what it was saying, sitting down on your bed for a moment, “besides.” You looked up, “you did well tonight. You deserve a break.”

         “I... what?”

         “I let you control the conversation. Instead of giving you the correct things to say, I decided to watch. You performed amiably. Congratulations.” Your SQUIP smiled at you, “you’re learning. Of course, we still have more work to do, but it’s progress.”

         “Oh.” You stood, stripping off your jacket, “thank you, then.” You paused for a moment, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep.”

         “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Don’t forget,” it said, and you turned to look at it, “you have me.”

         Over the next few days, you’d been relentlessly going to the hospital - borrowing your parents’ cars whenever you could. After several days of trying, you were finally able to get in to see Rich, and your heart sank in your chest when you finally saw him. He wasn’t awake, as your SQUIP had said, but he was alive and that was enough for you in that moment. He was broken and bruised, sure, but the fact his heart monitor provided a steady beat to break the silence in the room was almost like music. You stood at his bedside, looking down on him as he slept. You hugged your arms close to your body - what would have happened to you if you had gone to the party? Would you be here, alongside or instead of Rich? Would you have been able to stop him from... whatever he had been trying to do?

         “Rich,” you finally say aloud, and your tears choke you, “fuck - Rich, I’m sorry-”

         “You have nothing to apologize for,” your SQUIP’s touch grazed your shoulder, “this wasn’t your fault. There was nothing we could have done.”

         “I should have been there, I could have stopped him-”

         “It was for the best that you were with Michael and Jeremy, [y/n].”

         For a moment, you’re quiet and afraid. But you finally asked the question that had begun to weigh down on you: “is this going to happen to me?”

         “Of course not. Now... let’s get back to work,” your SQUIP said, “it’s important you don’t dwell on this for too long. Let’s visit Jake while we’re here.”

         Going along with it’s idea, you’d easily found Jake’s room after a few minutes of searching. The TV had been on with some cooking show displayed, and you were more than glad to see Jake awake and as well as he could be for someone with two broken legs. When you cautiously walked in, he brightened up immediately - and for a moment, you had assumed it was because you weren’t a nurse coming to check on him.

         “[y/n]!” He called out as you walked in, “how are you?”

         Caught off guard by the question, you stammered for a moment, “I’m - uh, I’m fine,” you said, “how are you?”

         “Great!” He said, “I mean - the whole broken legs thing is, y’know, not that great, but I’m glad to see you.”

         “You... you are?”

         “Yeah!” He said, “Rich always talks about you, y’know.” The moment you flushed, Jake chuckled, “he said you’re a lot cooler than you seem.”

         “Oh.” You looked away for a moment, “that’s sweet of him-”

         “Do you still do the art stuff?” He asked, and immediately you looked back at him.

         “How did you know that I-”

         He cut you off, “there was this project back in freshman year that you did with Michael Mell, and, uh, Jeremy-something. You did the art for it, right?”

         Nodding, you slowly remembered the piece you’d been repressing due to how rushed it had been. “Right. Yeah, I still do art stuff,” you smiled at him, “do you know when you’re getting out?”

         “Nah,” he sunk into the bed, “shouldn’t be long, though. We should hang out!”

         “Oh. Uh. Don’t you hang out with Chloe and Brooke...?”

         “Yeah,” he admitted, “but you came to visit me, so... we should still hang.”

         You couldn’t help but smile at that. “Sure,” you said, fiddling with your hair, “that’d be great, Jake.”

         Jake reached out for you, and immediately pulled you into an awkward hug. “Fuck, dude, Rich was right about you.”

         “About me being cool, or...?”

         “He said you’re really fuckin’ nice, since you helped him out with something.” He shrugged, “are you two... not friends?”

         “I, uh - we are, sorta-”

         “Good.” He said, “Rich is a good dude to his friends, y’know.”

         “What about your house?” You asked.

         Jake���s smile fell, “I mean... I think it was an accident. Since, y’know, Rich wouldn’t just burn my house down, right?”

         You nodded. “Right.” Stepping back away from the bed, you smiled once more, “I hope you get out of here soon, Jake.”

         On your way out of the hospital, you stood in the gift shop for far too long, occupied with your own thoughts. So Rich had been talking about you - and, whatever he said aside from you being nice, helpful, and cooler than you seem, it had been enough to make Jake Dillinger think the two of you were friends. You almost smiled at the idea, but the underlying feeling that Rich would wake up and immediately ditch you lingered within the pit of your stomach. Shaking your head, you dismissed the thought as you headed out to your car. You had things to do. 

          After all, you shouldn’t dwell.

        Over a week later, there’s this uneasy feeling that’s stuck with you from the first moment you saw Rich in that hospital bed. Uncertainty? Fear? You weren’t sure - but it dwelled within the pit of your stomach, making you doubt every move no matter whether you or your SQUIP made it. You’d just gotten home from hanging out with Michael and Jeremy at the mall, your backpack swung from your shoulder to the foot of your bed, and you nearly collapse as you sit down. Slowly, you sank your head into your hands, warm against your face before you finally let go and fall back onto your bed. When you uncovered your face, your SQUIP had materialized before you.

        It leaned over you. “Is there a problem? You should be happy since you spent time with Jeremy-”

        “I am, I just-” You paused for a moment, “I just don’t feel like I’m.. me anymore.”

        “You are you, [y/n].”

        You nodded slowly in agreement, before propping yourself up on your elbows. “Right, but... I feel like you’re taking control of everything and I’m - I’m just... fake.”

        It raised a brow at the mere idea. “You’re far from artificial.”

        Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you couldn’t help but feel... off. “But you don’t let me control things-”

        With a heavy sigh, your SQUIP shook it’s head before pacing around your room. “That’s because we’re still in phase B of our plan. Once we get to phase C, you’ll have more control-”

        “And when will that be?”

        It looked back at you, slowing to a stop. “Once we pin down Jeremy’s feelings for you, you can be more yourself.”

        After a moment, you sank back against your bed, shutting your eyes for a moment. “I hope you’re right.”

        “Of course I’m right. After all, relationships are like this...”

        You opened your eyes again. “What?”

        “Faking it until you get it? Revealing yourself when you have them? It’s very common, [y/n].”

        When it said that, you couldn’t help but feel skeptical. But when you tried to remember your last relationship (or, rather, a weak attempt at one), it felt so distant that you were unsure of how it had went. Yet you nod along nonetheless. The feeling of of dread stayed with you.

        And it continued to stay attached to you like a shadow over the next few days. Even when you found yourself sitting on Michael’s bed, a pillow hugged against your chest as he and Jeremy were ecstatically talking about one of Michael’s latest finds from the guy at Spencer’s. You’d zoned out for the time being, thoughts more preoccupied with what was to come. How much longer would it be until you had control over yourself again?

        But your SQUIP’s voice jarred you from your thoughts. “We need to go.”

        As Michael pulled out a bottle of red soda, a slightly faded plastic label reading MOUNTAIN DEW RED crinkling as he did, you held back a frown at your SQUIP. “[y/n],” Michael said with a smile, holding it out, “you want one?”

        “Hell yeah, dude-” You had began as you reached for it, barely getting it within your grasp before a shock rang through your hand, a small hiss of pain emitting from you as the bottle hit the floor. “Shit, sorry, Michael-”

        But a flash of pain cut you off before you could try to explain anything away. Your voice was distant as you heard yourself speak, bullshitting some excuse as you lost control of your body - it moving on it’s own despite your desperate attempts to take back what was yours. You managed to take control back the moment you got outside, knees weak and the following shock was enough to send you crashing onto your knees.

        “What the fuck?!” You snapped, speaking aloud as another shock ran through you. “FUCK-”

        “I told you we need to leave.”

        “I didn’t want to-”

        “[y/n], we-”

        “No!” You snapped once more, “no - this is still my life - I want to-” Your speech devolved as you struggled to word your thoughts, “it was just a soda!” Another shock ran through you. “What the fuck- come on - I just- it was just-”

        And then it all made sense. The panic. The sudden change. How close had you been? How fucking close had you been? When you tried to get back up and turn yourself around, you found yourself fighting for control all over again as your body turned away from Michael’s house, every step forcing you farther and farther from salvation.

         “[y/n]!” Michael’s voice rang clear out across his front lawn, and before you could try to do anything, he was running up to you - catching you by the wrist. “Hey - what the fuck, dude? Are you okay? What just happened-”

         But he stopped, staring at you. You, completely terrified and shaking and fighting for control of your own fucking body. You were, to put it simply, a mess. Disheveled, hands twitchy, breathing labored as you forced yourself to stay planted where you were. You broke through, “get the Mountain Dew Red” slipping past your lips in a hiss before another shock of pain sparks through you, and you’re pulling yourself away from Michael once more. 

         A door slammed. Before you could go anywhere, Michael’s footsteps pound against the pavement as he tackled you to the ground. Your body fought against him. He managed to grab you by the wrists, pinning you down, his knees at your abdomen as you continued to thrash against your will against him.

         “[y/n]-” Michael began, before his nails dug into your skin, “what the literal fuck is going on?”

        Tears streamed down your cheeks as you fought for your voice. “I-” You managed to force past your lips, “I - I took this - pill,” your voice strained, and you kept fighting for control, “I thought Jeremy would like me but - but I fucked - I fucked up, Michael-” You were straight up about to breakdown, voice wavering with every forced syllable, “I’m so sorry, I just - I can’t-”

        “[y/n].” It’s voice cut clearly through your mind, almost afraid for a second. “I promise - I’ll do better for you. We’ll scrap this plan and make a new one. You just have to let me try again. I promise-” 

        The door slammed once more, and Jeremy is rushing over, questioning everything along the way.

        It turned nasty. “You’ll never be the same, [y/n],” it hissed, “think about it - if you keep me, you’ll be normal - you’ll never have to hurt again. If you get rid of me, you’ll never be accepted - you’ll be an outcast all over again, and Jeremy and Michael are guaranteed to hate you-” 

        The last things you remembered were the faintly fruity taste on your lips, a thousand questions flying around you, and an intense pain that seemed to completely split you in two as a scream tore it’s way out of you.

        And then everything went black.

[bluetbluetbluebluet]

i don’t know how to explain my relationship w my mom to people 

i recognize the horrible things she did to me and my sister when we were kids (suicide threats/threatening to drive us all off the bridge, driving erratically into other lanes, throwing shit, grabbing wrists and punching our knees from the front seat , once she held her hand around pekkas neck and shook, when she would stop talking for five days at a time) . i was such a distressed kid i remember being dropped off at school just hyperventilating from sobbing. and i dont know if i forgive her at all but i know she was overworked and exhausted and had no one outside of my dad (who’s a whole other can of worms!) so i empathize w her. mostly i wish she had more time to grow up b4 i was born, i wish she could have left my dad i guess. like she was 20 (my age !) when she met him n started dating him..he’s 13 years older and had two kids already (my older sisters ! who i love so much!) and they kinda built this world that was their work (she waitressed at this bar tht my dad was the sound guy at) and the music/restaurant scene in saskatoon . they still live in the same house. know everyone in the neighbourhood by name . N i think more than anything im still hurt at the emotional manipulation tht i was too young 2 see thru- she enabled my ed in so many ways, watched me lie to doctors about what i was eating and endless comments about how nice i looked and like a pendulum it’d swing to her screaming at me 2 eat and wtf was wrong with me, once she called me an anorexic bitch when i was like 12! i’m still really hurt over all of tht. also i think she’s known i am gay for way longer than i’ve known . Like once i was maybe 11/12 and we had my sisters and their boyfriends and three family friends over for a dinner party and she drank too much wine and started talking about what it’ll be like when i come out - i remember her saying there’s no hope with my grandparents, they’d cut me out, and that my dad is gonna have such a hard time w it. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I always forget that. N along w that is so many comments and disgust towards lesbians and also trying to set me up with random men she works w. Her idea of me scares me so much ! I know these two things are not intentional , but really ingrained in hatred of herself , mayb catholic ideas abt sex and shame and guilt.  

i do love and appreciate her so much at the same time.i think she’s grown up a lot in the past couple of years and is less insecure about being vulnerable around us . N i dont ever wanna cut her off . i dont know though i think my parents will both keep going through the same cycles their entire lives 

If i move home i’ll b living back home for at least a couple of months i think. N i think i gotta be strong and smart and not shrink into myself  

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

Rosary Beads (Post 64) 11-19-14

                        Now that Abby is working at Crate and Barrel, I don’t always see her every day.  I usually track her down at least weekly in the Adoration Chapel for the rosary that the Men of St Joseph and the Daughters of Mary share with the Charismatic Prayer group on Monday evenings.  I had noticed that for at least a month Abby had neglected to bring the rosary that Mike Wiley made for her when she joined the Daughters nearly two years ago.  After watching her pray on her fingers for several weeks in a row, I flat out asked Abby why she was repeatedly forgetting her rosary.  She answered that she had broken it but didn’t provide details.

I was not surprised. The Donnellys are pretty tough on rosaries.  I have always tried to carry the one that Mike made me on my person, but I once over-stressed it while trying to extract the beads to say a chaplet during my commute home from Richmond.  I had stuffed them into the front left pocket of my jeans, which must not have been relaxed fit, because as I pulled the rosary out of my pocket the string of beads snagged tight, causing the wire to snap and resulting in a shower of green blessed marbles throughout the cab of my Aveo as I motored along Richmond Parkway. Luckily, Mike is as good at fixing his art as he is at manufacturing the original pieces.  My rosary was only out of commission for about a week.  

That’s what I didn’t understand about Abby’s damaged set.  I knew that she had damaged it once or twice before, so I didn’t understand why she was worried about getting it fixed again.  I believe Mike assumes that if a rosary is being damaged regularly then at least it is not collecting dust on a nightstand or only getting a breath of fresh air when the recipient opens his or her sock drawer.  I told her to just collect the beads and apologize to Mike for being such a frequent visitor to his rosary ER.  Abby explained that she didn’t have all of the beads.  I responded to her that I was still finding some of the original beads from my rosary during my last semi-annual vacuuming expedition under the seats and mats of my sedan.  Mike makes things work out somehow even when some of the beads are damaged or missing.  Abby clarified that most of her beads were MIA.

I was puzzled, but decided to allow the case to grow cold, a very poor strategy for police work, but often a useful methodology for parenting.  There is no statute of limitations under the code of family justice, so pretty soon, give or take a decade, the truth will out.  For instance, I found out recently that one of my cars had been damaged in a far different manner than was outlined in the original creative work of fiction that was presented to me.  That damage happened three years ago.  After a delay of about a decade, I also discovered that an eight-year-old Abby used to climb out of her window and lie on the second-story roof of our Fort Wayne house to watch the stars.  To this date, though, I am still waiting for the perpetrator to fess up regarding the midnight Sharpie mustache incident from twelve years past.  With regard to the case of the missing rosary beads only several weeks expired before, over the weekend, Abby elaborated with a detailed version of her sacramental’s demise.  Here is the tale:

Every couple of weeks Abby still visits her best friend’s family even though the young woman is away at college in Wisconsin.  Abby routinely house and babysits for her friend’s family.  They have two little girls who are only slightly younger than Natalie’s age.  On a recent visit, the two sisters both spied and admired Abby’s “pretty purple necklace.” The family is Protestant and although the young girls may have seen a rosary occasionally, they certainly didn’t understand its purpose – a similar criticism might be made of many young Catholics. Abby explained that a rosary is not jewelry, and showed them the different parts of the bead string.  I assume that sometime thereafter Abby left the room possibly fix supper.

Anyone who was not an only child can guess what happened almost immediately after Abby’s departure. The ensuing tug-of-war probably resulted in the same type of explosion of beads that occurred during my commute in the Aveo.  Luckily none of the high velocity holy shrapnel hit either young girl in an eye and nothing was, to our knowledge, swallowed.  Abby says that there was no blood at the crime scene, but tht pronouncement is not completely definitive.  It seems there was some good bit of evidence tampering by both witness/perpetrators. When Abby returned to the room, the rosary was altogether gone and both girls were acting suspiciously innocent. Under careful cross-examination both culprits confessed and explained that the beads had been disposed of in a manner befitting an expired gold-fish.  Unfortunately, for all concerned, the house has a septic tank.

Abby’s cute story makes me smile when I think about it.  I feel badly for the little girls who now burst into tears when anyone mentions the misdemeanor within their earshot.  I have chosen to write about it not because I get my jollies provoking the misery of little children, but partially out of nostalgia for the days when my oldest son removed a dinner plate sized piece of linoleum out of my master bathroom floor with the fabric cutter that Pam had barred him from ever touching.  It looked like a pizza cutter to his little covetous eye. I think he snuck it into the latrine knowing that the bathroom is the only place that a mischievous kid can be assured of some privacy.

The story also touches me because it is a good example of the perspective from which God views our sins. Like the little girls, we do what we ought not during the times when we feel nobody is looking.  We are kidding ourselves. God is more omniscient than Santa; all our sins are immediately apparent to Him.  God knows exactly what we have flushed into the septic system.   Nor is there such a thing as personal private sins of little import that only hurt our individual soul.  We are one body.  All sin hurts the whole body.  Whether it is the gall bladder or appendix that ails, the entire body suffers too.

Most importantly, the story illustrates how easily we are for God to forgive.  We are all children to him.  Certainly, not all of our sins are as cute as the misappropriation, dismemberment and illicit disposal of Abby’s rosary.  Still, Jesus thirsts to repair whatever harm we have done to ourselves and others.  Murder, adultery or tax cheating are readily forgiven by him through a simple trip to Reconciliation.  We can be forgiven even of our greatest transgressions.  Although we are often willful and sleek goats, we can again become the peaceful sheep that we are made to be, through a simple act of submission to His gentle mercy.  The damage we have done to The Body will remain like an unfortunate wound or an ill-advised tattoo, but we will gain peace.  After guilt is relieved, healing can follow.

The remorse of the little girls makes me remember the soothing lullaby that my mother used to sing to me when I was even younger than they are.  

“Jesus loves me.  This I know, for the Bible tells me so.  Little ones to Him belong.  They are weak but He is strong.”

Thursday night’s Reconciliation and Adoration Service presents a great opportunity for us to seek God’s mercy.

[sapphirescales]

erik and raven in first class

give me excuses not to be resting in bed after meds by asking meta stuff—— ( status: always accepting excuses to procrastinate! )

DID YOU MEAN: MY FAVE TOPIC OF ALL TIME?!?!

*clears throat* *puts on ableist toxic che/rik shipper voice* but LILY! erik and raven came out of nowher–

HERE’S WHERE UR WRONG BUDDY!!!!

the question you should be asking yourself is: where IS their development? why is it that erik looks to her in the final scene and asks her to come with him? why is it that, after being so callously rejected by hank, raven goes to erik for comfort vs let’s say, alex or sean ( who have never been Weird about how she looks! ) or even charles ( her oldest and dearest friend )? 

so. we see them on screen for the first time as they arrive at the Secret C.I.A. base ( tht shaw later blows up and kills darwin in ), in the car! the seating seems to be like this: moira & the c.i.a. agent in the front, and in the back charles-raven-erik, in that order. idk how far away this base was but if we assume tht it was Really Far tht means tht for a few hours, raven and erik were literally squished in a car together. cuties! this has no character-development relevance beyond my own headcanons and experiences w/ being in a car w someone for Hours, but it’s cute!!! i bet u raven drooled on him and won his ever lasting affection!!! anyways, this at least suggests Off Screen development!

fig 1. u can see tht erik is climbing out of the car, charles is already out, and there’s a blonde blur in the middle which is, ofc, ravne. also icb moira is ALWAYS driving sdklfjsdkfj

later on, we see them in the base, meeting hank! erik stands apart from charles/raven/moira/The Agent when they look at hank’s mutation but! you can CLEARLY see him watching with a close eye at the hank & raven interaction, he’s v v v much side-eyeing the two!!! his Immediate suspicion with regards to hank’s motivations with raven, his Immediate ability to pinpoint this possible relationship as Not Good!!! ( TAKE A LOOK AT THIS GIF! )

fig 2. and to the side, u see erik being tsundere like he isnt interested in other mutants what a fake!!!!

then, there’s the Iconique “ki/nky” scene!!! though you see hints of it when he’s side-eyeing raven and hank earlier, this is where we get canon confirmation that erik ALREADY knows not just what raven can do, but how she REALLY looks. although you could argue that maybe raven showed hank and erik at the same time, the earlier Side-Eye Game Strong scene suggests that erik already knew, hence why he’s v much ://// about raven and hank! and look at! where his gaze is!!!

fig. 3 and fig. 4

erik, looking at raven: “by the way, if i looked like you – “erik, looking at hank: “i wouldn’t change a thing.”

fig. 5, fig. 6, fig. 7:and hank unable to meet raven’s eyes after! knowing full well tht erik Knows His Game!

so, from here you get a HUGE set-up for erik and raven already! something absolutely vital to who they are! where charles Avoids the topic of how she looks ( “what, blue?” / “you’re my oldest friend” / “i feel responsible for you” / “i don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, you’re awfully concerned with your looks” ) and where her entire relationship with hank comes to revolve around how they look ( and how they can look normal / pass for normal ), her and erik’s relationship is, from this point, built on something completely different – ACCEPTANCE & BLUNT HONESTY.

i also always get! so mushy! about how erik’s gaze basically zeroes in on hank. it’s the physical equivalent of @-ing him and i cry about it all the time! keep in mind that at this point in time, erik is literally just about to go and steal the files from the C.I.A. and Leave Them All to go after shaw himself; he has no reason, no real need at all, to actually stop and SAY anything to either raven OR hank, to stop and point out that hank is a giant shit for wanting to change both his looks AND raven’s! but! he does! he stops and calls hank out! i Weep

moving onto the next scene – the cerebro scene. ofc this is one of my Most Fave che/rik scenes, but also! there’s an interesting parallel here tht most people don’t usually make – which is that both erik AND raven are wary of cerebro:

fig. 8 & fig. 9: [loud confused noises]

these are not the faces of ppl Excited by the idea tht the C.I.A. has been working on findings mutants ( using other mutants lmao @ hank !!! ) ( which, ofc leads to another question: how much of raven wanting to look Normal is a combination of societal pressure to be blonde, blue-eyed and fair-skinned as it is Fear of dropping her shift, outing herself and being vulnerable [cf. mystique, in xmen ( 2000 ): “people like you were the reason i was afraid to go to school as a child”], how much of her is actually ALARMED by the idea of being able to be found, even if she can hide? ) but it’s definitely! a far cry from charles’ face and general demeanor – nervous but also, excited ( “don’t ruin this for me, erik!” )

but this is a good similarity between them that sets them both Apart from charles, and more similar to each other!

my next scene is ofc, the Naming scene!!! listen every time sb describes tht scene as “mom n dad come home and yell @ the babies” i get so mad because, legit, STOP INFANTILIZING RAVEN!!! just Stop lmfao charles is definitely not her dad and she’s never seen him that way so please just fucking Stop being gross thx! anyways the scene was condescending, though it serves to ( crudely ) highlight the idea tht they still don’t don’t really know what they’re up against at all ( although, im 98% sure if erik saw oxford!charles from like 30 mins ago he’d say the same thing abt him but anyway! im not bitter or anything ). what’s absolutely significant abt this is that, after cuba, erik DOES go by the name “magneto” – so, as dismissive as it is now, as dismissive as he is of it now, he chooses to use this name that was given to him by a group of mutant kids. how Important is it that erik goes by a name that raven gives him, in the last vestiges of her Innocence before darwin is killed in front of their eyes – a name that carries her Hopes for him, when she was more childish? almost a protector’s name – a hero’s name, chosen by His Own Kind ( raven & the rest of the first class )? i’m,,, crying! that he’s so dismissive of it could possibly be as much to do with their perceived immaturity as it about his own dismissiveness about how Big this could be? how Significant? because, at this point in time there’s no cause yet… idk maybe u should weigh in @mutantism ?

ok next bit – after the base gets blown tf up! the car arrives ( with moira driving babbbe ) and both erik and charles share a look and then run over to raven. i die. i die. anywayz, that’s def v important for my tiny poly shipper heart but the Most Important is the Look raven gives to erik:

fig. 10 & fig. 11:

raven: “darwin’s dead, charles. and we can’t even bury him.”charles: …erik: “ – but we can avenge him.”

and i know the meta is only supposed to stick to xm/fc but! how significant is this response, for raven, even in do/fp? she loses all her friends and her response is vengeance, and it’s something both erik and raven are On Board for. it’s both of their instinct to hit back, hard, instead of turning the other cheek / taking it / giving up. MORE SIMILARITIES!

and then they’re at westchester, and erik is Dragging charles for his ( presumably ) easy life, literally Unable to consider for a Second tht maybe :0 ur family ISN’T always lookin out for ur best interests :0 i love him sfm, ADN THEN RAVNE SLIDES IN!

fig. 12:

erik: “i don’t know how you survived, charles, living in such hardship.”raven: “well, it was a hardship softened by me.”

honestly she looks like she’s gonna somehow beat the shit out of him if he ever Thinks abt pressing charles or taking the piss ever Again. but also? look at the lil smirk on her face, look at how erik’s face is just “r u srs” – she’s also absolutely rubbing it in his face that she’s known charles Longer and knows him Better. and he just. lets it be. bc he can’t say anything abt it in front of charles. she’s so. unbelievable.

icb we’re only on the training sequence, we haven’t even gotten to my fave bits. ONE SWEET N GENTLE MOMENT THAT I LOVE IN THIS TRAINING SEQUENCE THO is when sean squawks his way out the window.

erik, in the miami scene, to charles: GET OFF ME!erik, now, in the training sequence:

AND THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME!!! that he lets her in close, that he’s Open to her physically touching him ( even like this, even in this skin that he Hates her wearing! ) when she communicates so strongly with touch. you can see it better in this gifset but i’m also gonna post screencaps because raven LITERALLY is leaning on his back to see how sean goes ka-put. literally! leaning on him! HE IS LETTING HER WITHIN HIS PHYSICAL PROXIMITY LIKE THIS! erik “GET! OFF! ME!” lehnsherr is letting her!!! i Die

also another thing is that while charles is busy Seriously Training everyone else, erik included, raven’s been … given weights to do. it’s … so condescending, even if it does come from a place of wanting to protect her ( in which case, charles, u probs should’ve left her in oxford but wait! u Couldn’t Trust her to keep her shift up and not fuck up or be able to deal w/ her fuck ups bc she’s an adult, so here we are! ) AND THE ONE PERSON WHO GIVES HER SOLID ADVICE, the one person who DOES seem to take it as a Given that she’ll be Part of a Big Battle w/ the hellfire club, the one person who gives her pointers that are for the purpose of helping her SURVIVE – is erik. while everyone else is focused … on everyone else, erik is focused on raven. while charles is focused on making everyone else unlock their full potential by learning how to accept themselves and their mutations, erik focuses on unlocking raven’s full potential by helping her learn how to accept herself and her mutation.

erik: “if you’re using half your concentration to look normal, then you’re only half-paying attention to whatever else you’re doing. just pointing out something that could save your life.” [drops the weights.]raven: [catches the weights, but drops her shift.]  …erik: “you want society to accept you, but you can’t even accept yourself.”

crossing over with @mutantism ‘s headcanon for erik & clothing – he’s dressed in short sleeves for this “Lesson” in self-acceptance. is it premeditated? is it deliberate? does he use it as evidence of he, himself, being Other in the eyes of The People, to create and deepen a connection between them, knowing full well how Other raven feels? you decide. bop it. ( my tiny hc is always that erik does more than just this One Scene; he does focus on her, and help to train her, while charles is focused on everyone else, but we’re here for meta Only and firmly sticking to what’s available in the materials. )

next, is the big controversial scene: raven shows up in erik’s room. there’s plenty of build-up for this, and this isn’t even the culmination of their relationship or even a Peak Point ( which comes much later, in cuba ) but, in case people still aren’t Seeing It, here’s what we’ve got:

erik knows what raven Really Looks Like before hank does;

erik Actively Expresses the idea that he doesn’t think she needs to change to fit society’s standards – and certainly not change to fit hank’s standards;

erik is Watching Her and she Knows It;

there are plenty of similarities between them, which are also differences between them and charles;

raven teasing erik and getting away with it;

erik focuses on raven’s development whilst charles ignores it in favour of The Other Mutants;

erik lets raven within his physical proximity and allows her physical touch – the same way he allows charles’ physical proximity and his physical touch ( so kiss my goddamn ass toxic che/rik shippers who insist charles is The Only Important Person in erik’s life );

erik Wholeheartedly Likes how she looks and Makes It Known Repeatedly.

okay, now next: a breakdown of this scene.

erik: “well, this is a surprise.” raven: “the nice kind?”erik: “get out, raven, i wanna go to bed. maybe in a few years.”raven: [shifts into an older self.] “how about now?”erik: “i prefer the real raven.”raven: [shifts back into her blonde self.]erik: “i said the real raven.”raven: [drops her shift.]erik: “perfection.”

important things to pick up on here: the fact that erik rejects her, even when she’s shifted herself into what she’d look like in a few years is significant because it means that he doesn’t actually think she’s too young – he means, in a few years, when she’s moved past her self-image issues, when she’s grown out of the need to please society. he means in terms of maturity ( which! is a constant theme of the men in her life, thinking she’s Immature and so, incapable of making decisions / knowing what she Really Wants ), especially with regards to her self-esteem. 

look at how smug she looks when he says the real raven that first time. she’s absolutely testing him, and she’s viciously smug when she feels like she’s been proven right; that he prefers this raven. this is, to erik ( the way it is to hank, and to charles, and to everyone in her life ) – the real raven. compare this to how vulnerable she looks when he keeps insisting on the real raven.

she even looks back to check that this is what he means – that he means what she thinks he does, when he says the real raven. the raven that she feels is her real self – who is her real self – is also the one he’s talking about. checking to see if she’s assumed wrongly about what he thinks. and! she hasn’t!

look at how he looks at her! my heart is melting! im honestly dying! you assholes can Meme tf out of this as much as you want but it’s so important! his eyes are so soft on her, esp when you compare it to the earlier training scene where she was lifting weights and hiding! it kills me!

okay, the next part of the transcript:

raven: “could you pass me my robe?”erik: “you don’t have to hide. have you ever looked at a tiger and thought you ought to cover it up?”raven: “no. but – “erik: “you’re an exquisite creature, raven. all your life, the world’s tried to tame you. it’s time for you to be free.”

okay, i laugh ALL THE TIME at this tiger speech but? it’s so Much. raven is immediately feeling vulnerable and exposed around erik, feeling even more vulnerable because he can see how much she’s affected by his insistence – and his response is to ( clumsily ) tell her that she doesn’t have to hide around him, ( their entire relationship! is BUILT on acceptance and honesty! ) that she shouldn’t hide bc!!! she looks So Cool, like!!! like a tiger!!! that’s how cool she is!!! it’s the cutest thing? erik obviously trying for reassurance!

you can see that when he touches her face, too. keep in mind, this is erik “GET! OFF! ME!” lehnsherr, who has passively accepted physical touch, and initiated it once ( 1 ) time with a knee pat with charles ( feel free to correct me if i’m remembering it wrong! ), is holding her face. he holds her face and leans in and kisses her, because she communicates by touch, because it costs him so much to do this but the cost is worth it to reassure her! from the very beginning, them being squished in that tiny car together, their relationship is so defined by the give/take of physical touch!

and, most importantly, how this tiny close-mouthed kiss is enough reassurance for her. she doesn’t demand anything more – doesn’t need anything more from him ( at this point in time ), and he doesn’t need more from her at this point either. this is when their relationship makes the turn from ACCEPTANCE & BLUNT HONESTY and growing into something that also has UNDERSTANDING.

next up, my two fave cutie pies being cute!!!

erik, seeing an opportunity, legit just? drags her? after spending a few secs tryna catch her eye, looking over charles, and then he says hank’s been busy with tht stupid? insinuating tone? she just glares at him and? he smirks? like the little SHIT he is? I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! when will ur faves ever?!

and this bit, right before they board the blackbird is so fckn EXTRA like i can’t? believe?

im crying just! she’s just asked where’s hank? and erik has legit spent a good 30 seconds or so just staring at her, bordering on incredulity, and she’s smirked just as hank has spoken – you can see charles in the bg turning to face hank, which raven would’ve seen, so she knows he’s arrived, but she legit is just. holding erik’s gaze. she’s SMIRKING! erik can’t believe this! and neither can i!

but this is such a good, defining point of their relationship – that she can give as good as she gets, and so can he! i cry about it! and also, erik side-eyeing hank pt 2 ( because, another tiny hc sorry! but you can Bet that raven tells erik Exactly what hank says! )

and this is so important to me, that erik is still so Suspicious because! the audacity / self-centeredness of hank coming up to raven seeking her reassurance after he said she was more beautiful when she was hidden! that her natural form would never be accepted – that he could never accept it! and erik!!! being so Suspicious and disapproving of this!!!

ok anyway, next up, i’m gonna try and point Important things out in cuba without .. crying about cuba. so! the blackbird crashes, everyone is screaming, charles and erik have their Iconique scene where erik and charles are screaming together, as couples do, and he’s using himself as a safety belt.

now, focus on this next bit, after they get up off the floor. charles goes to unbuckle moira and erik gets up … and unbuckles raven. look:

that little figure w/ the booty bending down is charles – and the figure w a flatter booty unbuckling raven is erik.

my tiny children!!!

and then, another Fave ( and important ) scene: erik after killing shaw, after the missiles go off, and charles tackles him, even in a disassociated state, lashing out at everyone, telling them all to back tf off and MAKING them back off …

lashes out at charles  … 

but not raven.

even in this mental state where he’s clearly Not Okay, there’s no part of him that sees raven as a Threat, that sees her as being on a side that’s against him. he sees a threat in moira, in the rest of the fc, in charles – but not in raven. he throws them all physically away, except for raven.

and, once he’s made his Speech, the way they look at each other? that cements this? he looks at her like he Knows, and she looks at him, having made her choice already.

she walks forward and she! she doesn’t even look back at hank or alex or sean, she doesn’t look back at any of them!!! what makes her waver for a second is the fact tht charles is bleeding and just got shot, but erik clearly doesn’t hold it against her. and he CLEARLY doesn’t expect her to stay with charles because he … lets her go to charles, lets her talk to him and say her goodbyes. ( again! how much of their relationship is built on acceptance! on understanding! erik understanding that she cares abt charles! even as she resents him! ) just holding his hand out when she’s ready! 

their relationship was always headed this way from the start! they’re similar, their relationship – unlike most of the other relationships in this movie – are based on mutual understanding, and honesty, and acceptance! it’s a much more Lowkey story than the big, sweeping che/rik romance that is the Highlight and driving point of most of xm/fc but! it’s there! it’s definitely there and a Key Story as well! you don’t have to squint that hard to see it!

anyways this got long but basically, they love each other

references

screencapped.orgsuperheroscreencaps.comthis gifset

[raspberryslut]

5, 10, and 15! 🤗

besties comin thruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

5. Red Robes or Bureau of Balance?

the bureau but i CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THE MEGA MAJOR PLOT TWIST WE HAVE COMING ABT THE RED ROBES I CANNOT PHYSICALLY CONTAIN M

10. What's your favorite arc? 

how dare you. how. dare. you. 

okay this is hard. here there be gerblins is just so great because these assholes are all messing around & the way i think of them now,is like,my view of the characters has changed a lot, and i miss the way i saw them at the beginning when we were all just babies on this big ol’ mystery

but murder on the rockport express is so adorable (minus the murder) and i love the murder mystery shit with all my tiny gay heart. angus is so a good good mystery boy, so good, and it was so like confusing i didnt even have it figured all the way out when they explained it. and tht TRAIN holy shit. 

but petals to the metal is so ACTION PACKED and that FUCKING 5 EPISODE LONG RACE HAD ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT LIKE SERIOUSLY IT WAS LIKE 5 HOURS OF FURY ROAD, IF I EVER GET TO CHOOSE A SCENE TO BE A PART OF IT WOULD BE THAT ONE, but ill never forgive griffin for how it ended. 

AND THE VOCALOID BITS IN CRYSTAL CASTLES WERE E T H E R E A L AND SO INCREDIBLE and i loooooooooove the characters we met in that arc, lik e hhoooooooooooooooooly shit, and some of them are even still ALIVe??!?!?!?!?! like holy fuck.  

BUT OHHHHHHH MY God the eleventh hour was ssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch an INCREDIBLE SANDBOX type thing i FEEL LIKE THERE COULD BE ANOTHER 12908 EPISODES OF THEM JUST MESSING AROUND IN THAT TOWN and i wouldnt be BOred, im just!1 like i cried for the frst time at this podcast in this arc, it was sooooooo emotional, and i was SOOOOBBBBBBINNG over magnus’ chalice vignette on valentines day like  HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY shit and it ALSO was so DRAMATIC like omG like? the worm? the first loop? ROSWELL IN GENERAL? PALOMA??????

and i hate the suffering game. i hate it. i dont want this arc to keep going because i dont want these poor boys to fucking suffer the way they have. im jsut. i hate this arc so hard. its so painful. im glad for the character development, but not like this........... nEVER like this,ALSO ...... SIDENOTE REMEMBER WHEN ANGUS WAS LIKE DONT WORRY SIRS ILL BE HERE TO MONITOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH THE ENTIRE WAY WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THEY FUCKING CONTACTED HIM LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAT HONESTLY

oh god. id have to say that the eleventh hour was my favorite, followed by a close tie between arcs 1-4, with arc 6 bringing up dead last

god i going to have to put this under a readmore huh

15. What would you eat with the Glutton's Fork?

id turn a sandwich into a different type of food 

(ok real talk i like this item but theres nothing i would go out of my way to just try and consume because like???? its a plot device. this isnt a thing you use any other time except to try and move the plot forward, like functionally, i think that things fucking useless. its FUNNY AS ALL HELL but nah i wouldnt eat any of the shit that thing made)

[gayzytown]

Write for one of your AU's? :3c

(( srry i havent gotten much done today! i went 2 the bookstore nd bought a book yeaH also cooking mama but anyway this is a neat lil au i havent developed much at all but i hope u like it! c: also im going to say this now the X in sportacuss name is not to be edgy its bc X is 10 in roman numerals hes the 10th ithro tht is all))

The pink- haired girl finished her audition with an over-the-top wave of the hand, extending one leg and bending the other at the knee while she looked expectantly to the faces of the two judges who sat in the large theater before her.

Íþróttaálfurinn X, also known as Sportacus, stood suddenly from his padded seat and clapped his muscular hands, jumping with admiration as he did so. He was the choreographer who had written the moves and blocking for the scenes he’d just seen the young girl preform, and he couldn’t have been more pleased with the way she delivered.

Next to him sat a man named Robbie Rotten, a name some thought was a stage name and others were convinced was his birth name. He had written the song and scenes that she’d performed, and he’d seen better.

        “Next,” he said dully, looking back down at his script as he did so. The girl looked utterly heart-broken, and so did the man next to him. She moved to leave, head town and tail between her legs, but stopped when Sportacus cleared his throat.

        “Wait a moment please, uh…” he looked at his paper for her name, then back up. She looked uneasy, and he smiled. His genuine and warm smile comforted her and she smiled back. “Stephanie Meanswell.” She nodded and Sportacus turned to Robbie who sat, unhappy but not surprised at his shorter coworker’s undermining of his authority.

        “Why?” Robbie asked, adding an annoyed hand gesture for affect.

        “She did all the dances perfectly,” Sportacus said, his voice pushing forward with excitement. “and- and the blocking too! Also her hair is pink!”

Robbie let out a sigh and rubbed his temples patiently. “Sportacus,” he started, his tone demeaning but not to the point where the elf noticed, “She messed up on half of her lines and made up the other half. I'm not looking for a creative genius to improvise an entire musical I'm looking for an actor who can stick to my script and memorize their lines,” he said, patting the thick stack of papers in his hands for emphasis. Sportacus pouted, and looked down at his feet.

        “You're not going to find someone who's... perfect, in an audition,” he said softly, kicking at the scuffed auditorium floor. “That's why it's an audition.” Sportacus looked up from the floor and made eye contact with Robbie, silently pouting. 

Robbie was quiet for a moment, before he let out a loud sigh. The blue-eyed kicked-puppy look got to him, and so he looked back up at Stephanie with a defeated expression.

        “I'll give you a call and let you know,” he yelled to Stephanie, and then he added, “Get out of my theater.”

        “Thank you so much!” she said, practically jumping with joy. “You won't regret it! I'll-”

        “I said out of my theater!”

She caught her words in her throat and scurried off the stage with a yelp.

[xottzot]

2017-12(DEC)-05th---Tuesday--hell here resetting to REPEAT AGAIN.

2017-12(DEC)-05th---Tuesday--hell here resetting to REPEAT AGAIN.

First there are the Council rubbish trucks in the morning. There's two big wheely bins per household that needs to be emptied, one is rubbish, the other is for recyclable things. Not that the criminal abo's care about sorting any rubbish, everyting and all just goees into any bin they feel like, and whenever they fill up those bins, they just send the criminal abo kids around with garbage (of any foul kind) to dump into other peoples bins to horribly foul them and spread disease, even loose food, bowls of rice including the bowl, loose knawed chops, anything at all. Or they simply just dump garbage andor foul garbage bags into the street or into peoples yards.

Thankfully the shit of dumping into other peoples bins has tailed down, at least at this time of writing this entry, but it was rife for a great period, As was the case of the criminal abo's actually stealing other peoples rubbish bins and any they could grab so the abo's ended up with multiple bins to foul in their own properties. Then THAT slowly tailed off after complaints and the authorities huffed and enquired and then reluctantly, quietly, secretly agreed. The councils 'solution' was to keep picking up all the abos' extra foetid rubbish bins and to deliver replacement bins to innocent residents who's bins were stolen by the aboriginals and still kept and used by the criminal aboriginals. In some cases the criminal abo's stole those new ones and swapped them with their foul ones. Crimnal abo's steal from each other too, so never make that assumption of the mindless abo propaganda you keep reading in the media that all abo's are all just one big happily family that all get along nicely with each other and their true demon is the white man. It's all fucking shit.

And whilst all this was going on, the criminal abo's were STILL criminal. They even got so bad that it got to the point of wheeling their big rubbish bins into the next suburb to be emptied by the next council (Kalamunda), then wheeling them back again (maybe) or just abandoned because they were so foul. All this wheeling about was done very late at night under the cover of darkness but the damn noises weren't ever covered up and would always wake you and greatly disturb all innocents residents dogs. -- Al of this became common and habit, and still the authorities did nothing. This went on for a solid year and more.

Amongst all this, innocent Ms New Age had to find somebody to rent her corner picket fence house out to. The previous rental residents had decided to suddenly move out (rampant criminals and criminal abo's roaming all about outside their place kinda does that you know), and they would have feared for their children also. (and rightly so as it became in a very short time). - Ms New Age VERY reluctantly rented it out to family of a couple with two boys. But THEY all too became victims of aboriginals, especially from the 3 Kalara Way criminal aboriginals who had infested their property and house and took control over the entire place day and night (especially the yards) despite the rental occupants living there. The criminal abo's used the yards as a place to just let their criminal abo kids go beserk, violent, and criminal at any time of the day or night. - AND to hide from Western Australian Police.......

I myself had even casually warned the kids NOT to have anything at all to do with the criminal abos. And despite that, they were the violent victims of the abos's. Of getting attacked by the abo's dogs, of having the mother and father assaulted and attacked by the criminal adult abos should they ever object to anything at all. -- Several of these incidents rose up and involved the Police, THAT'S how bad.

Time and time again the Westen Australian police very reluctantly had to intervene, but nothing ever came out of anything, and it all escalated. Other innocent neighbours weer assaulted, the aboriginal crimininality spread and was so utterly rampant that it was a constant.

Please, do NOT take all the above and whatever I'm saying as purely 'minor' things that were transient and might (hopefully in your eyes) soon dissaspate or be remedied. Nor is it the total amount of everything. It is not. I've somewhat chronicled in this blog all the shit that was going on, but even myself only saw a tiny part of it all, and it all was MUCH MUCH worse than you or anyone can possibly imagine.

And that's NOT to say that it has stopped. It is about to continue again once the 'school holiday' activate, and the insane utterly criminal mini-aboriginals once again become rampant. They use the school holidays as an alias period.

That family of that house became utterly destroyed completely. The result being that at different times both boys eventually having being arrested in handcuffs. Both boys being the result of the criminal aboriginals, abo's who always pleaded total 'innocence' and being the 'victims', whilst the lying abo's themselves were the ones to actually blame for everything and more.

The house itself became targets of gatherings of criminal aboriginals of all ages. The house itself was attacked and smashed and destroyed by criminal aboriginals time and time again, repaired, destroyed, repaired, destroyed.....

The father of that rented picket fence place of Ms New Age was always trying to do what he could, (and trying to work), but the relentless criminal aboriginals made his life and all in that house and all about, utter hell. That family became destroyed. The two boys became criminals and ran with the criminal aboriginals. (YES THAT'S TRUE!) - And just like the criminal aboriginals they turned to never ever going to school and instead spent all day with the criminal aboriginals in the criminal aboriginals own houses and yards and roaming about doing crime and being criminal.

Useless social services and nameless anonymous departments kept visiting the criminal abo's and were CONSTANTLY rewarding them and indulging them to extents you cannot imagine. And still nobody cared or did anything about anyone else except to take the lying words of lying, criminal, utterly feral and violent abo's as 'truth' above all else.

The abo's actually prospered, just as I kept forecasting was appearing to be. And everyone else was told to fuck off and suffer.

NOBODY BELIEVED ANYTHING if anyone tried to tell them any truth whatsoever what was going on. NOBODY. - The Police kept silent. The authorities kept silent. - And still all the shit kept going on and on and on.

Those two boys became homeless and wandered all about and even took up roaming residences IN the abo criminal households. They had become fully criminal, exactly as I had warned about for so long, and STILL the abo's were heavily indulged by authorities and that as if the criminal abo's were royalty and could not be seen or admitted to do no wrong.

And STILL the criminality went on.

Whenever I have had to explain anything to anyone, there is just SO MUCH and going on for SO LONG, that their minds just clamp shut that they think I'm making it all up which I have never done so.

More shit going on, more violent abo's, more smashing, thieving, threats, assaults, Police involvements, anonymous depertamentals involvements, and MORE innocent neighbours fled and left. - AND...the abo's took over their places and expanded the abo criminal ghetto.

A couple of houses remained empty. Then they beame the targets of the criminal and criminal abos'. MORE POLICE interventions and secret investigations. They could never figure out for themselves or were never allowed to do anything. They were forever held back. - And still the criminals abd criminal abo's prospered and laughed.

Eventually new neighburs moved in. That has been recent. But they have yet to experience all the terrible shit which is sure to erupt again, just as it has done for YEARS.

Their little pretty Xmas tree lights in their kitchen window are now no longer switched on and the light (like my hope) is extinguished. (The same kitchen windows which were smashed and the house broken into and smashed and despoiled all thoughout just days before they moved in.)

They have yet to experience the full hell of this hellhole.

---------------------------------------------------

This morning an abo kid was on the streets with a backpack on around 8am?. He was dressed for school. he walked on the footpaths (highly unsual instead of walking on the roads in traffic). But it seems that he just walked 'around the block' and went back into Fatguts abo criminal household.

Shortly afterwards this morning an abo man (Fatguts?) came out of the Fatguts abo criminal household.

He wheeled a pram (the one tht had been hanging from the gutter of that house), and he had one of the criminals insane abo toddlers seated in it. The scene looked to be 'too normal' and I knew it wouldn't last. - It didn't.

There was insane loud screaming. It was the insane abo toddler the man had just wheeled away to the Koongamia shops area. But THIS TIME, the toddler was NOT in the pram but sitting perched ON TOP OF THE PRAM and the only thing that was keeping it from crashing to the ground was the bearded abo adult wheeling it along from the shops. And he was VERY louldy swearing and shouting at the criminal toddler.

It went a little like this....WAAAAAAGHHHH! -- SHUT UP!, -- WAAAAAAAAGHHHH!! SHUT UP!, -- WAAAAAAAGHHHH!! SHUT UP!! -- WAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!!! SHUT UP!!!

And dogs in the neighborhood became mightily upset about all this loud shit.

Slowly they went along the footpath (very strange considering they normally just roam about ON the roads), and they stopped on the footpath in some shade from a neighbours tree, the abo toddler still bawling VERY LOUDLY.....and still being yelled at, "SHUT UP!!!!!"

And then they slowly went down on the footpath and into Fatguts abo criminal housheold.

YOU may think this is 'nothing'....but this shit is just a snippet in this blog of the abo's crap still going on, just for today, just for early this morning.

I wonder how long before the newest innocent neighbours are driven out by the criminals and criminal abo's, and the innocent new neighbours there next door?

They may all be driven out, they all may be heavily tramatised, and the abo criminal ghetto will then expand still further.

It's all happened before, so many houses emptied, so many innocent families with children driven out, so many criminal abo's moved in and taking over everything, the abo criminal ghetto continues to thrive, being supported by nameless shit and nameless departments at the expense of all other innocents. This is shoved at everyone as 'progress', and caring for the disadvataged aboriginals who roam about drunk/drugged and get the criminal abo 'children' to roam about and do things to make it seem that everything is 'normal' and under control.

Just at this very moment as I'm typing this, poor dear Sam & dear Max have suddenly been 'intruder barking' very loudly.

A glass/window glaziers vehicle has pulled up at Ms New Ages's place to do some repairs. - Repairs to damage done by criminal aboriginals andor associated criminals. Whilst repairs are always still going on from past criminal abo incidents.

This fucking hell never ends. Not for me, nor for poor Sam & Max, not for anyone.

Is this glass/window glaziers vehicle an end result of this weeks incident of the residents of Ms New Age's place having an verbal argument with criminal aboriginals that we all heard?

It's no good me asking anyone anything. Everyone never tells you anything for fear for themselves. And I have long long long ago stopped ever trying.

Hell is being repeated...AGAIN....and I've long since lost count of the number of times I've said that for YEARS in this blog. And even I was stating long BEFORE you can read what you will in this blog, it was all going on BEFORE. I only used to write it down freehand in an old notebook. So you can realise just how long this hell has been going for.

All this shit was what caused dear Fliss to have a breakdown and flee.

I got falsley blamed for that.

---------------------------------------------

I love you dear Fliss and want to be with you just as you promised me and us both.

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

control [jeremy h. x squipped!reader] pt.2

now to give y’all what you truly only follow me for: more writing about musical characters. catch me sitting here thinking abt hadestown amongst all of this. the longer its been since ive seen it, the more in love with it i fall, i s2g. 

warnings: squip bein a piece of shit (so just... manipulation n the like). thts rly about it but let me kno if i need to tag anything else!

      All in a moment, you were seeing stars. Rich’s arm had been clasped tightly around your waist, his other hand covering your mouth in an attempt to muffle the screams of anguish that had crashed over you in waves and dragged you under. There was a stinging in your hand, and as you went quiet, you felt Rich tense behind you. Slowly, he drew his hand back from your mouth, letting you go and, regretfully, watching you collapse onto the ground. And then you were seeing stars again - real ones, twinkling overhead as you breathed heavily. The pain tapered off, bit by bit by bit, while fatigue settled in it’s place. All you could do was lay there in the cold dirt, staring up at the the night sky as your chest heaved. Rich finally offered you a hand, waiting until you finally managed to muster up the strength to take it. In a swift movement, he pulled you back onto your feet with ease - and you noticed how buff he was compared to how he was in the past. Dirt covered your clothes, and you noticed that the sting in your hand had been due to it being sliced open by a rock that cut into it during your struggles. Fuck, you were going to have to make sure that was taken care of as soon as you were home. Finally, your gaze fell back to Rich, the headlights of his truck illuminating the entire scene in front of you. Before you could even fathom a thought, you reacted, swinging a punch at his arm and catching him off-guard. Immediately he stepped back, staring at you as he rubbed his arm, brow furrowed in confusion and anger.

      “What the fuck was that for?” He asked, voice running a little high for a moment. “Also what the fuck, you throw a pretty mean punch for a-”

      You didn’t give him time to finish the thought, curling your hands into fists and ignoring the stinging in your palm. “What the fuck, Rich - you said it’d hurt a bit-”

       “I said it’d hurt for a bit- you didn’t ask how bad-”

       “He is correct. Reviewing your memories shows that he did say it would hurt for “a bit” and not that the pain would be minor-”

       “-What the fuck?” You stumbled back slightly, looking around for the source of this new voice for a moment. “Holy shit.”

      Rich cracked a smile as you straightened up slightly. “It worked, didn’t it?”

      “I.. think?” You said, voice oozing with uncertainty.

      “It did.” The voice said, “like I previously stated, I am your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor. Your SQUIP.”

      Was that annoyance? You frowned, looking back to Rich with uncertainty oozing from every movement. “You... you weren’t scamming me-” And you cut yourself off there, “holy shit.” You stood there, processing the events that had just occurred. It wasn’t until Rich glanced to his phone with wide eyes that you realized how late it was.

      “Hey, shit, uh - we should get going,” Rich said, “you can... deal with that later,” he picked up the box, “c’mon. I said I’d give you a ride.”

      With a slow nod, you followed him back to his truck, and pulled yourself up into the passenger seat with a small leap while Rich rambled off an apology. The whole seizing you and trying to quiet you down because, y’know, you’d been screaming and he didn’t really know how to explain that kind of shit to people without getting arrested. On one hand, you were bothered by that - the immediate instinct being to grab and hold you down - but... you understood. The thoughts of what could have came flood into your head, and - fuck, you didn’t need for the police to show up. He followed every direction you gave him, getting him to stop down the street from your house in order to make your sneaking in easier. With a quick thanks, you hopped out of his truck and shut his door as quietly as you could before crossing your front yard. As you reached your doorstep, you heard his car pulling off, and you glanced over your shoulder to watch him make a u-turn before driving away.

      “You need to bandage your hand before it gets infected.” Your SQUIP said. You shut the door behind you, locking it back as you pressed your back against it.

      Lowering your voice down to a whisper, you respond. “You kinda sound like-”

      “I know. My default setting. Of course, if you dislike it, I have other modes for your perusal-”

      You shook your head, “that’s... fine. You’re fine.” Glancing down at your bleeding palm, you head towards the bathroom to find the first aid kit tucked underneath the sink. The sting of disinfectant made you let out a hiss of pain, and you internally cursed the fact that it happened to be your writing hand that got hurt. Note-talking was going to be the highlight of your day, that was certain.

      “You should wrap it and keep the wound dry.” Your SQUIP said, right as you were about to unwrap a band-aid.

      You found the bandages, and nodded a little. “Okay.”

      “You should also avoid speaking aloud when responding to me.”

      Pausing, the bandage loosens slightly around your palm, and you looked up into the mirror for a moment. “Then how do I-”

      “Think at me.” It said, “like... telepathy.”

      You resumed your work for a moment, before going to respond. “Like-” You stopped, “like this?”

      “Indeed. I can sense some discomfort whenever you’re responding to me.”

      “Yeah,” you wrapped the bandage tight, wiggling your fingers, “I guess... it’s just... it’s kinda weird to just talk to a voice in my head.”

      “Think at me.” You frowned at the command, but it continued on with it’s thought nonetheless, “would you prefer something visual? I’m capable of manipulating your senses in order to create something for you to see - albeit a bit more holographic in order to differentiate myself from those around you.” There was a pause, before it finally spoke again, “but it would still be a visual nonetheless.”

      Processing the information, you nodded slightly. “That’d be nice but... You could still turn it off, right?”

      For a moment, you’re sure that you disappointed it - speaking aloud again. But it finally spoke once more, almost sounding resigned for that night.“Yes. You need to change. You’re still covered in dirt.” You looked down at your dirt-stained sweatpants and shirt. So you were.

      Throwing everything back into the kit, you tucked it back underneath the sink and head to your room, glad to be back in this little sanctuary. You stripped off the shirt and sweatpants, kicking them underneath your bed for the time being, making a mental note to throw that in with the rest of your laundry on Sunday, and searched through your drawers for something else to wear. You snatched up an oversize t-shirt, slipping it on before curling up underneath your blankets. Everything felt quiet. You tugged the blankets closer to you as you turned over, and soon you felt drowsiness take over, sooner than you expected. Nonetheless, you were asleep within minutes.

      The next morning, you woke up to quiet and found yourself wondering if the night before had been some fucked-up dream. Then you noticed the bandage around your hand, stretching and popping your fingers as you stared at the covered palm. Not a dream, then - but you felt alone, no voice in your head. Maybe it was broken? You scowled a little at the thought - fucking Rich Goranski who scammed you out of six-hundred dollars for a faulty pill that worked for, what, a few hours? What the fuck kind of drugs did he-

      A figure glitched into being in front of you. “Good morning.”

      You let out a shriek, hand clasping over your mouth as you jumped at the sudden sight and sound before staring at this strange holographic figure in front of you - glitching slightly with it’s movement. You opened your mouth to speak, before closing it, remembering the whole ‘telepathy’ shit. “Good morning?”

      “Is this to your liking?” Your SQUIP walked over towards your door, and you just sort of sat there staring at it’s newfound presence. “I can adjust as necessary, but-”

      “It’s fine.”

      It shot a small frown at you, but looked toward your closet. “We need to discuss this Jeremy that you’re into.”

      “What about him?” You bit the inside of your cheek, combing your fingers through your hair. There... was honestly a lot to unpack about Jeremy, if you were honest.

      The figure glitched before you, staring at your closet doors. Taking the hint, you walked over, pulling the doors open as you swore you saw a small smirk play upon it’s lips - and, to be honest, you weren’t sure why. “Why Jeremy? There are far more popular boys and girls at Middleborough that would benefit you more to date. For example,” it paused, analyzing as you watched the faintest trace of binary flash through it’s eyes, “Jake Dillinger: kicker for the football team, very attractive, popular... or Brooke Lohst: popular, pretty, and...” It paused again, “... Jake would be better for you.”

      Had you thought about dating Jake Dillinger? Sure - a lot of people fantasized about it at least once or twice, because he was Jake Dillinger. But nonetheless, you never had a connection with Jake. Not like you did with Jeremy. “I don’t... I don’t want to date Jake. He’s cute and all, but... I like Jeremy. I want to talk to him again.” Shifting your weight, you stared into the back of your closet absentmindedly. “I miss him.”

      Your SQUIP reached past you, fingers fazing through the articles of clothing hanging up before finally withdrawing it’s hands. Slowly, it extended its arm once more, tapping towards a piece of clothing, “take this out. You need to put all of this away - it isn’t cold enough for you to wear things this heavy,” it glanced back at you as you reached out, pulling article after article out of your closet, “once the weather gets colder, then you can bring back... this. But for now, you need to dress to accentuate your figure, [y/n]. Stop hiding.” Over the next few minutes, your hands begun to move on their own as the SQUIP took control, tired of your slowness compared to its own movements. Soon enough, your closet was thinned out a fair amount. How many hoodies did you own? “Too many. We need to buy you more clothing.”

      “You do realize I spent all my money on you, right?” You turned to your bed, the mountain of clothes sitting there. As you moved to take care of it, you watched your SQUIP process info once more.

      “Thrift shops are an alternative.”

      “I know, but have you considered...” You stopped folding one of your hoodies, looking back to the SQUIP, “I literally just spent all my money on you?”

      “Save up.”

      You stopped what you’d been doing. “What?”

      “You receive a weekly allowance. Besides...” It paused, a small smirk playing at the corner of its lips, “if my calculations are correct, you may have work lined up for you right about-”

      As if on cue, your phone buzzed against your nightstand. Your gaze didn’t leave your SQUIP’s form as you reached to pick it up, finding your aunt’s name scrawled across the screen. You answered, pulling the phone up to your ear only to have a request: babysitting, because somebody got into another fight and she can’t trust him to stay there alone - and then rattled off more information, talking about how Sarah has a ballet recital, and Katherine’s science project is due Monday, and in an attempt to break away from the phone call, you quickly informed her you’d be over whenever she needed you. Delighted, she gave you a time and thanked you a thousand times before saying she’d see you later.

      Immediately, your focus was on your SQUIP. “How the fuck did you know that?”

      “I see possible routes and events. This was just one of them, as, judging by your memories, there was a note about your cousin’s upcoming recital - and, knowing Thomas and Katherine would have their own reasons to not go, your aunts would call you to babysit.” You furrowed your brow, trying to process what it’d just told you before it finally let out a sigh. “Try not to think of it. I’ll take care of conjuring these things. All you need to do is listen.”

       You hesitated to agree.

       Babysitting your cousins earned you roughly fifty bucks - which was enough for you to dip into a thrift store and find a few things that your SQUIP approved of. Come Monday, you were sporting a pretty sweet jean jacket-hoodie combo and you’d found a pair of black jeans that fit rather nicely. It wasn’t much, but it was a difference from the you that hid themself as best as they could. You looked... different. You felt different, staring at yourself in the mirror, your Hylian shield pin gleaming in the light and reminding you of the battle you had over it with the SQUIP - it advocating against, and you for in an attempt to have some sort of familiarity - that you were surprised to have won. In exchange, your SQUIP directed you away from the cafeteria come lunch time.

      “You’ll still have time to eat,” it clarified, “we just have some business to take care of first.”

      “Okay,” you watched as it trailed in front of you, hands folded behind its back, shoulders squared and just oozing confidence you wish you had. “What business?”

      It peered over it’s shoulder at you, before turning it’s attention back to where you were going. “We need to get you involved in the show. If you want to get close to Jeremy, you have to spend time with him first.”

      “Wait - but it was already cast a few weeks ago, it’s not like I can-”

      “There’s more to a play than acting, [y/n].” Your SQUIP faltered in it’s gait for a moment, “Perhaps it’s useful you’re an artist.”

      The two of you neared Reyes’s classroom, chatter loud and clear. Mr.Reyes with his strong, clear voice - and then you could hear Christine Canigula, chipper as ever, and you couldn’t fight back a small smile at the mere passion she held for theatre. Standing out of sight, you gathered your confidence as best as you - it was only Mr.Reyes and Christine, after all. You could handle talking to them, finding a place for you to help out. This was going to be fine-

      And then you heard him, The moment Jeremy’s voice rang out, you turned on your heel and ducked into a bathroom - your SQUIP rematerializing in front of you as you checked the stalls. Once you confirmed you were alone, you turned to face your SQUIP, its eyes pinned to you with utmost boredom.

     “What the fuck!” You hissed, keeping your voice quiet and low. “I can’t go in there if Jeremy’s - did you know he was going to be here?”

      “Stop speaking aloud.” It chided you, before pressing its lips together. “And... Yes. The probability was high, but this is good for us. Now Jeremy will see you’re serious about this - he’ll see that you’re passionate about art. And theatre, I suppose. Calm down,” it’s voice goes softer, “you’ll do fine. I’m here.”

      You nodded slowly, turning and walking towards the sink, staring at yourself in the mirror. With a sigh, you turned back to your SQUIP, fingers grazing the cold porcelain as you nodded. “Alright,” you finally said, “what’s the plan?”

      It smiled. “As I said before - we need you to be involved in the show. Perhaps you could put those art skills of you to good use and paint scenery - or you could be running crew. Both gives you a good excuse to stay in the auditorium and near Jeremy.” It walked behind you, pressing a hand against your back, “straighten up. You need to be confident. You’ve got this.”

      You turned, looking up at it. “And if I don’t?”

      “That’s what I’m here for.”

      After a moment of hesitating, you finally nodded. What do you have to be afraid of? You took a deep breath, slowly exhaling as you stepped out of the bathroom and towards the classroom. Once more, you hesitated outside of the door, your SQUIP giving you a small nod as you finally knocked. When you stepped in, Jeremy’s eyes widened.

      “[y/n]?” He said, brows furrowed as you walked closer into the room.

      You uttered some sort of greeting, Mr.Reyes making some quip about not having any money for cookies as you grew nearer. You forced a laugh.

      Your SQUIP’s laid a hand on your shoulder. “Ask.”

      So you did. “I was wondering if there’s anything I could do for the play?” You fought to keep your voice steady, anxiety already biting at you. Your hands slowly drifted towards one another, only for a small shock to tear your fingers apart before your habit could bubble up.

      “...Really?” Mr.Reyes said, watching you - as if this was some weird prank. Maybe drama wasn’t nearly as popular here as you thought, considering what you’d heard about the cast....

      With a nod, you spoke again, “I haven’t really been into theatre for long-”

      “But you’ve always wanted to try.” Your SQUIP said, and you nearly nodded except for the thought of how weird that would make you look. Gently, it’s hand landed on your shoulder. “Calm down. I’m right here.”

      “I’ve always wanted to try, though. And I thought that maybe-”

      “You’d start with crew and audition for the spring show.”

     “-I’d, uh, start with backstage stuff and, uh, audition for the spring show?” You tried to make your words flow together effortlessly, as if you weren’t being fed lines - and, somehow, they bought it.

       Mr.Reyes nodded slowly, before looking over to Christine and smiling as he turned back to you and launched into an oddly dramatic speech about the importance of a production team, and how - if you’re interested - there’s a few zombies that they’ll need stage makeup for. But his words began to fall into meaningless dribble behind you as you caught a glimpse of your SQUIP trailing around to where Jeremy sat, giving him a slow once over. And slowly, it’s gaze turned to Christine, lips pressed into a thin line. Part of you was terrified of whatever it was thinking, about what judgement it was passing on Jeremy... the other was merely curious. Perhaps it had a better idea about-

      “As soon as you’ll need me,” the words were out of your mouth before you could even process what happened. The blend of your voice alongside your SQUIP’s as it spoke for you, and then the soft whisper of a “you’re welcome” was enough to give you goosebumps. But then Jeremy smiled at you, and everything that felt wrong melted away in an instant.

      After school, you’d typically be driving to the mall or driving home to sit around and either play video games or draw until your homework became too pressing. But this time you shoved your books into your bag and walked from your last class to the auditorium at the request of Mr.Reyes - who wanted you to watch rehearsal and get a feel for the show. When you nearly asked if that could wait until tomorrow, your SQUIP chastised you immediately - this was a chance to get close to Jeremy. So you smiled and agreed, shooting a quick text to your parents so they wouldn’t worry if rehearsal ran late, and hesitated outside of the doors for a moment. Gathering your courage, you pulled the door open to find the room completely empty as you walked down towards the front row, slinging your bag into a chair and sitting in wait for anyone to show up. Part of you hoped it’d be Rich first, because then at least it’d be a friendly face - and you could maybe ask some questions if you had them, considering he knew more about SQUIPs than you did.

      Your SQUIP materialized in front of you, arms folded across it’s chest. “Jeremy will be arriving soon. You have approximately four minutes and twenty seconds alone with him.” When you snorted, it merely glared before looking past you.

      “Sorry.” Then you felt a shock travel to your fingers, tearing them away from one another as you looked up. “What the fuck-”

      “You were picking at your nails again. You need to stop.” It sighed as it looked back to you, “we need to make the most of this time alone. It is imperative you make a good impression.” It trailed past you, aimlessly wandering back and forth as you stopped paying attention for a moment.

      The sound of the doors opening with a screech caught your attention, the loud whine making you turn to see Jeremy hesitating for a moment upon seeing that the room wasn’t empty. But the moment you laid eyes on him, he continued down, fingers curled tightly around the straps of his bag. Ever so slightly, he relaxed as he drew nearer to you.

      “Hey,” you called out with a smile, “how are you?”

      He was caught off-guard for a moment. “Fine. Why are you here?” He stopped near you, swinging his backpack into a seat and unzipping it.

      “Reyes asked-”

      “No, I know that - I just- I mean- why are you here?” He paused for a moment, fishing around in his bag, before tacking on “I thought you weren’t into theatre.”

      Shit. “I, uh-”

     “It’s a recent interest. You’re exploring your options.”

      You swallowed your panic. “It’s, uh, a recent thing. I, uh, wanted to maybe try something new...”

      Jeremy looked over at you, still suspicious, before he looked back to his bag. Shit. “Okaaaaay,” he said, obviously not entirely convinced by your answer. He paused, finally finding what he was looking for as he pulled out a thick script with pages tabbed with different colors, and then he looked back at you. “Shit, sorry, I just- I didn’t expect to see you here.”

      “No, it’s - it’s fine, Jeremy,” you insisted. The SQUIP phased through him, side-stepping and nodding towards his script. You continued on, “So, uh, who are you?”

      For a moment he stood there, just staring at you with furrowed brow and utter confusion written on his face before he finally glanced down to what he was holding. “Oh! Uh, Lysander.”

      “That’s great!” You chirped, trying to play it off as if you knew who that was.

      “Ask him if he needs help with lines.”

      “So, uh, Jeremy,” you started, “if you ever need help running lines - I’m, uh, I’m here.”

      “I’m fine.” He said, “I’m sorry, I just - you never mentioned being into this stuff before, so...”

      “I mean - it’s been a while...” You trailed off. Uncertainty began to leak in as the conversation died down, and then before you could process what was happening, you were speaking. “I’m really excited to see you perform, Jeremy. I’m sure you’ll be amazing.”

      His cheeks grew pink as he fumbled with the script slightly, looking away from you in some attempt to compose himself. “Oh. Uh. Thanks, I guess. But you should really see Christine,” he began to smile, face red, “I mean - she’s the real star, y’know?” He looked back at you, completely starry-eyed. “Have you seen her act?” Fuck. “She’s just - she’s amazing, [y/n]...”

      The door screeching open was your cue to bolt out of your seat, coming up with some excuse as you tore past Brooke and Jenna and down the hall. Your breath caught in your chest, as you turned a corner and pressed your back against the lockers as panic filled your every thought. Your SQUIP materialized in front of you once more, watching as your breath grew quick and tears began to stream down your face. Fuck, you should have known Jeremy would still be in love with her - but you didn’t think he’d forget you were with him the first time he saw her perform. It had been you and him and Michael. Just as it always was. And now, when you need someone, your SQUIP stood idly by, staring down at the ground with furrowed brow and jaw clenched, arms folded tightly over it’s chest. You focused on slowing your breathing, trying to calm down for a moment - just a moment to resurface yourself back to reality.

      You finally looked back at your SQUIP, growing frustrated. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

      “I’m processing.” It merely stated, “are you certain you want to keep pursuing Jeremy? There are other students at this school who don’t harbor feelings for Christine Canigula. Jake Dillinger, from my calculations - or that boy in broadcasting, Link. He’s also attractive. Brooke Lohst is also attractive and would be more than willing to-”

      “No!” You snapped, before calming down. “Are you - you’re saying this is hopeless, isn’t it?”

       Your SQUIP pinched the bridge of it’s nose, growing more frustrated and leaving you to grow more anxious. “No. I’m saying pursuing Jeremy will be difficult considering we have to account for his feelings for Christine. We just have to show him that you would be a much better match for him,” your SQUIP said, staring at you.

      “But how-”

      The moment you heard footsteps echoing from around the corner, your SQUIP looked back at you - and, for a split second, you thought you saw a smirk. “Tear ducts, activate.”

      That was the moment everything in your world started to tumble down.