#threat assessments is anxiety’s purpose

[lizard-thenightwriter]

ANXIETY ENACTS THREAT ASSESSMENTS BEFORE LITERALLY EVERY ACTION TAKEN AND I /FUCKING/ HATE IT!

[sanguinesmi1e]

A Round Door Like a Porthole, Lazarus Green Pt. 1 (you're here) Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4

Wayne Enterprises didn’t really need a small business specializing in “ecto-weapons” invented by self-purported ghost hunters, but S.T.A.R. Labs tipped Lucius Fox off that Lex Luthor was trying to buy an obscure little company in Illinois, and thwarting Luthor was always worthwhile. Now Tim just had to figure out what to do with all the equipment and the concerningly large arsenal of guns and things that looked like normal household items but seemed to have other, horrific purposes. He would have laughed at the way they slapped “Fenton” in front of every invention name (do ghost hunters really need a Fenton thermos? Won’t a normal thermos keep their coffee hot just as well? Are ghosts like trout, to be caught with a Fenton Ghost Fisher which just looks like a normal fishing rod but glow-in-the-dark. And what the fuck even is a Fenton Peeler!?), but he thought with some chagrin about the batarangs, batmobile, and everything else that had “bat” as a prefix in the batcave. 

However, of all the things Tim hadn’t expected to find when he flew out to do an inventory of assets after they bought the business sight-unseen, a portal generating a Lazarus Pit in gaseous form was probably at the top of his list. He didn’t even know that Lazarus water could change states from a liquid to a gas like that. Maybe there actually was something to the whole ghost thing. He supposed that it made sense for ghosts to exist, after all Deadman was part of Justice League Dark. Speaking of. . . he should see if Bruce could call in someone from JLD to assess things. He was feeling decidedly out of his depth.

John Constantine did not like to consult for mega corporations like Wayne Enterprises, but Batman had specifically requested he go check something out and he figured, where's the harm? 

There. 

There’s the harm. 

It turned out the “thing” he’d been called in to look at is a machine that can tear open a stable portal into the Infinite Realms. That is not something that should be possible. That is not something technology should be capable of achieving. That is definitely not something that should exist. Bloody hell, what had the Bats roped him into!?

This really should have been Zatana’s job. Or Deadman’s. Hell, Raven or Secret would be preferable. Because John would prefer not to be dealing with this. In fact, he would prefer to be back in literal Hell than deal with the crazy shit in the Infinite Realms. Could John handle demons, archangels, and even gods? Yeah. He can bind or exorcize most supernatural threats. Does that mean he relishes the idea of going toe to toe with heavy hitters from the Infinite Realms? Absolutely not. 

Some beings who lived there were just little blob ghosts made from ectoplasm and emotion. Some were the restless undead who could not or would not cross over to their afterlives. And some were the embodiments of concepts like nature, destructive weather, and dreams. He wasn’t sure where Death fit into the Realms, whether she ruled or visited, or if it was actually just an extension of her, but he didn’t really want to find out. There were many things John could defeat. Death wasn’t one of them. And now he was looking at a portal into a realm where the living were not meant to be. 

Danny hadn’t returned to Fenton Works since graduating high school. It turned out that he was less anxious when he was not living with people who fantasized about “tearing him apart molecule by molecule” and thought that discussing their plans to dissect him (although he maintained that it would be a vivisection since he’s only half dead) made for fascinating dinner conversation. Who would have thought that his constant stress, anxiety, and insomnia were caused by environmental factors? He’d been unpacking things with a very nice therapist his sister helped him find, and seen great improvements in his mental health. It really helped that she was dead too, and unlike Spectra she didn’t feed off the misery of her patients.

Danny hadn’t intended to ever return to Fenton Works, but when Jazz told him that Jack and Maddie sold their life's work to Wayne Enterprises and a multibillionaire playboy was about to have unfettered access to the Ghost Zone, he was. . . concerned. To say the least. And that was why he was in the middle of doing some light sabotage when Tim Drake-Wayne and a guy in a trenchcoat who reeked of cigarette smoke entered the basement lab. It’s why he was hiding under the Specter Speeder removing the ecto-engine, and there to overhear the conversation that followed.

“So, am I right in thinking that’s a Lazarus Pit?” Tim asked Constantine.

The older man stared at the portal, then at Tim, then at the portal for an uncomfortably long time. Then he pulled out a flask and drained half its contents before saying, “Yes and no. That is basically the same substance as the pits, but I think that this does something else entirely. It seems like this machine basically functions as a summoning circle, but instead of pulling one entity from one side to the other, this is just an open doorway that is perpetually pulling in anything or anyone who gets within its sphere of influence.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing, John.”

“It’s really not,” 

“So what does that mean, is it like a blown hatch in space causing rapid depressurization?” Tim felt a little ill at the thought. “What is it even pulling into our world?”

“No, no. Nothing so dramatic as that. It’s more like, hm, so the way summoning circles work is they invite or compel a specific entity to manifest, by basically making a one-way magical portal for them. This portal is kinda like an invitational summoning, which entices, but doesn’t force anyone to enter. Usually a summoning will have a purpose though, and the being you summon will be offered a deal. If this is doing what I think it is and pulling citizens of the Infinite Realms through and leaving them on this side without a contract or direction, they’re probably getting pretty frustrated and causing havoc. It’s like offering someone a job in another country so they have to get a visa and uproot everything, only to get off the plane and find an empty office, no housing, and no paycheck.” John lit up a cigarette and took a drag.

Tim wrinkled his nose, but knew from long experience that it wasn’t worth it to argue about American tobacco restrictions in the workplace with Constantine, especially while the man was doing him a favor. Also, the man looked like he really needed either a cigarette or another drink, and he’d prefer second hand smoke to a drunk sorcerer. “So then why hasn’t this town been overrun by these beings from the Infinite Realms?”

“Good question kid, but what I really want to know is how is this portal staying open? Really, how was it opened in the first place is the most pressing issue.” John mused.

Tim had already located the blueprints for the portal while waiting for Constantine, but either the Fentons had intentionally falsified the documents to seem plausible just long enough to make off with the money, or he just didn’t understand enough of the interaction between physics and the occult to comprehend how the portal could possibly function. 

He flipped back through the blueprints while the blond man sat cross legged in front of the swirling green portal and his low, distracted mutterings took on the cadence of a chant. The curl of smoke from his lit cigarette unfurled into some kind of spell array, and began to glow. Huh, maybe Tim shouldn't be too quick to judge him for tobacco misuse. Tim triple checked the flat file for any more information about the portal, and came up empty handed.

John, meanwhile, kept chanting as the magical array grew and spread to encompass the entire entrance to the portal. At last he stopped speaking and stood up, stepping back to double check his work. “Alright, Drake. You might wanna close your eyes for this one. It’s gonna be bright,” he said, popping his cigarette back between his lips. Then he stepped forward and blew a mouthful of smoke on the center of the array. The smoke caught against the softly glowing lines, pushing them until they floated back and collided with the nebulous green swirls and, despite Tim closing his eyes, flashed so incandescently white he could see them through his eyelids.

“OW! Fuck!!” John clutched his face, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I’m doubling my consulting fee,” he grumbled under his breath.

“You alright?” Tim asked, blinking spots out of his vision.

“Yeah, yeah. Just give me a sec.” He too was blinking now. “That was not supposed to be so bright.”

“I’m assuming it worked though.”

“It had bloody well better ’ave worked.” The older man squinted at the slightly dimmer lines which still shone painfully bright against the green. “Oh. Yeah, that worked. Fuck. . .”

“What?” Tim looked on in alarm as Constantine pressed a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh man. What wanker did you say created this portal?”

“Presumably Drs. Madeline and Jack Fenton. Why?” He drew the last syllable out skeptically. 

“Because, they opened this portal with a child sacrifice, and bound his death and all the lost life potential to their bloody machine to create a perpetual gateway to the Infinite Realms.”

[absurdthirst]

The Journey to Jackson {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 21.3k

Warnings: NON-CON, Coercion, forced copulation, mentions of sterility, medical examinations without consent, forced breeding, threats of death, nipple play, vaginal sex, cock riding, restraints, cream pie, killing, escape, pregnancy, sickness, anxiety attacks, labor, giving birth, breastfeeding, oral sex (female receiving)

Comments: Being taken by a group that has a fertility issue, Joel is forced to procreate with one of the women, you. When he escapes, he brings you with him. Making the journey to Jackson even more perilous.

🚨🚨 DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT - This story contains elements of forced copulation/NON-CON for the purposes of breeding/forced impregnation. 🚨🚨

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

He had assumed there was a settlement nearby. The closest stores were pilfered of anything and everything that could be used. Making him wary as he set up camp. “No fire tonight.” He grunts when Ellie drops a handful of sticks into the middle of the small clearing. “Aw man, I wanted to clean up!” The teenager pouts, making Joel snort. “It’s not cold, get some water and wash.” He tells her, smirking to himself when she starts grumbling under her breath in typical teenager fashion. He listens for the sound of animals moving, but it’s silent. 

They come in the middle of the night. Joel had settled into a restless sleep, when they had surprised him. Shouting and fighting, the butt of a rifle slams against his forehead right as he hears Ellie shouting for them to let her go. Blacking out into oblivion. 

When Joel wakes up, his head is throbbing and he groans as his eyes flutter open. "Good, you're awake." A male voice sounds out and his instincts kick in as he jerks his body but discovers he's been tied to a chair. 

"Wha- let me go." He growls, voice rough from being knocked out. He needs water but he daren't ask for it. "Where's the kid?" He demands, needing to know that Ellie is safe. 

The man chuckles, "she's being taken care of, don't you worry." He promises.

 Joel hisses, "you better not touch a hair on her fucking head otherwise I'll destroy you." He threatens and the man snorts, "we got your guns, we got your kid, and you're tied up. All you got is your mouth." 

Joel chuckles, his vision clearing as he glances around the room. "That's all I need." He assures him with a cocky chuckle as he assesses the room, his eyes widening slightly when he sees a naked woman standing there, gun pressed against her head. "What - what the fuck is this?" He demands, stomach twisting with unease.

You shake, shivering from the cold and the fear. “I- they-“ the gun presses into your temple harder and you choke out a cry before you answer. “You have to fuck me.” You manage. “What? No.” The man tied to the chair growls out, shaking his head. 

“Yes, you will.” The man with the gun tells him. “All we want is for you to knock her up.” He chuckles darkly. “Shouldn’t be a problem, she’s got a nice set of tits.” His hand not holding the gun slides up to cup one name you flinch. “All you gotta do is let her ride your dick.”

Joel shakes his head, "no. Fuck no. I - let me go. If you let me go now, I promise I won't kill all of you." He chuckles, "actually, I promise I will make it quick." He smirks, allowing himself to act like he isn't freaking out on the inside. You are gorgeous and he hasn't been with a woman since Tess. but he refuses to touch you, especially when you have a fucking gun held to your head. It's clear you don't want this as much as he doesn't want it.

All of the men chuckle. “Big words from a man in your position.” The one holding you snorts. “James…” you whimper, making him growl. 

“Shut up!” He hisses as he shakes you, not wanting this man to know his name. “You know why we are doing this!”

Joel swallows harshly, never liking to see a woman being abused like this. It's clear you aren't doing this voluntarily. "Why are you doing this?" Joel asks, wanting to know what the fuck this is all about. He doesn't want to get you killed but it's every man for himself in this new world.

“We had mumps go through our settlement five years ago.” One of the men tells Joel. “All our men are sterile. Except for those that have joined us. We need kids.”

"We need another father. Can't be inbreeding even in dire times. We need new DNA and we found this one a few weeks ago." He says, nudging you forward. "She can suck your cock if you want her to get you ready. She's good at it." He smirks at you and you wrinkle your nose in disgust at giving him a blow job at gun point. 

"I ain't having any kids. I got the snip." Joel lies, wanting to avoid this situation and get out of here to find Ellie.

The leader, not holding the gun, scoffs. “Too bad we know that ain’t true.” He tells Joel. “Got a doctor that used to do them back when the world wasn’t shit.” He gestures towards Joel’s unbuckled belt and unzipped pants. “No stitch scars. You ain’t been snipped.” He shrugs slightly. “Look, it’s not that hard, you get to blow a few loads inside her and then we’ll let you go.” He lies. “Won’t even make you pay child support.” The laughs are raw and mean as the other men chuckle.

Joel clenches his jaw, fucked off at being violated like that while he was unconscious. He looks over at you, your terrified eyes making him feel sick. "I don't think I can get hard when she's fucking terrified." He says, knowing that he won't get turned on in a room full of other men waiting for him to blow his load.

“She’ll get into the mood.” The one holding you promises, squeezing your tit again. “Won’t you, sweetheart?” 

You wince and nod quickly, aware that the gun at your head is the prime motivation. “Maybe we can be alone?” You beg. “I won’t- I can’t untie him.” You tell them. “Just- you can check to make sure he came inside me, but please, please, don’t make me do this while you watch.” You regret ever coming to this part of this fucking world. Planning on escaping as soon as you can from these twisted monsters. Every one of them needs to be killed and you hope that will happen soon.

The leader nods, "fine. We will leave you alone but any bullshit and you both get a bullet in the head. And you-" He looks at Joel, "your little companion will be taking her place next." He threatens and Joel feels sick, knowing that he has no choice now. It's him or Ellie and Ellie will always be his first choice. 

He nods, "fine. Leave us." He demands. The man holding you shoves you forward and you stumble, the gun leaving your head as they exit the room and you hear the lock click in place.

When the lock clicks, you start crying. “I’m sorry- I don’t- it’s not my-“ you babble, wrapping your arms around your body and turning to the side so you don’t feel so vulnerable. “I’m- I’m ovulating- that’s why they want you to fuck me.” You manage.

Joel flicks his tongue, always uncomfortable when a woman cries and this is no exception. “How did they capture you?” He asks, needing you to calm down.

“I- I was trying to make it to Wyoming.” You shake your head, feeling foolish for ending up in this situation. “I- my family used to have a ranch there. I was in college when the outbreak happened and I’d finally got out of the Kansas City QZ. The rebels took over and I escaped, I was- I got captured when I stopped by the river.”

Joel realizes how close you’ve been traveling alongside him and Ellie and he’s never seen you. “I’m going to Wyoming. My brother…he’s out there. I gotta go west.” He says, “this new world…it’s horrific. Men are monsters. You should’ve never been alone.”

You snort. “Believe me- I know. But I didn’t have anyone.” You bite your lip and look over at the man tied to the chair. “Your girl, she’ll be alright. They won’t touch her. At least not now.” You close your eyes and sigh. “I just want to go home.” You whimper, a daily thought now.

“I’ll get you home.” He promises, knowing he has to give you hope in this situation. “But I really don’t want a kid.” He confesses, “I- I had one and lost one. I know what this world does to them.” He reveals, eyes sad as he looks at you then across the room to preserve your modesty.

“I don’t- I don’t want to have a kid.” You admit quietly. “But I know they will kill us if we don’t.” You reveal. “They found another man a month ago. He couldn’t- they shot him.”

Joel swallows harshly, knowing that there’s no getting out of this. He can’t leave Ellie here. He can’t be killed and leave Ellie alone. She would be killed within hours. Either by these assholes or by someone else. He nods, “then we do what they want.” He says, flexing his fingers still tied together with zip ties.

“I’m sorry.” You apologize breathlessly. “I’m so sorry, I don’t- I never meant for this to happen.” You choke out, even as you walk towards him. “What do I- can I?”

Joel nods, his cock not remotely hard right now but he has to try. You’re a beautiful woman and he knows that if it wasn’t for the outbreak, he would’ve taken a chance to ask you out. “Do what you want. I can’t move.” He chuckles, trying to help you relax despite his heart pounding in his chest.

“I can- let me-“ you reach for his pants, looking up into his eyes. “Lift your hips for me.” You ask softly. This is a mess, but you’re in it together. “I know they cleaned you up- to prevent infection- do you want me to suck your cock to get you hard?” You ask when his cock is flaccid, flopping out of his underwear ungracefully.

He bites his lip as you loom over him and he swallows harshly, “I, uh, you don’t have to do that. Come sit on my lap and then we can, uh, see how it goes.” He says, not wanting you to feel obligated to suck his cock when you’re unwillingly having sex with him.

“Uh, okay.” You bite your lip and put your hand on his shoulder to straddle his lap. You slide onto his lap and try not to press down on him too much. You murmur your name and look into his eyes. “What’s your name? I figure we should at least introduce ourselves.”

“Joel.” He answers, his eyes on yours but they flick down to your breasts. “Shit. You really are gorgeous. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.” He murmurs, feeling guilty for finding you attractive. “What - did you have a boyfriend? Before the outbreak? Or after?”

“A few.” You feel better now. He’s not eyeing you like a piece of meat and he is handsome. “No one for a long time, no point.” You snort. “They either died from the fungus or FEDRA. I was better off alone.”

“You’re not…you’re not a virgin?” He wants to make sure he’s not taking your virginity in the worst possible fucking way. 

“No. No. Not since I was seventeen.” You snort and caress his chest, playing with the buttons of his tatty flannel. 

“Thank fuck. I, uh, I haven’t been with anyone for a while. She, uh, she got bit. Ended up blowing up a building to save me and the kid.”

“Sounds like a woman I would want to get to know.” You admit, thankful that this man isn’t one that would be looking forward to fucking you like this. It tells you more about him than anything he could tell you. “So it could be quick?” You ask, sliding up and cupping his jaw to lean close. “Hold off as long as you can to try to get the ties loose.” You whisper in his ear.

Joel nods, “I wanna take my time, baby girl.” He says loud enough for anyone listening, “been a long time since I had a woman. Wanna enjoy it.” He says despite his eyes portraying anything but enjoyment. He feels guilty even liking the fact that you’re sitting on his lap

His words are meant for the men outside, but for some reason it makes your cunt clench. “It’s- that’s good.” You admit, a little breathless at the rasp of his voice and his rugged looks. He’s handsome. There are worse men you could be forced to fuck. His teeth are still in good condition and you decide to run a finger down the curve of his jaw, letting the stubble rub against your finger. “Maybe I can cum too?”

Joel sees the desire in your eyes and it relaxes him a little. “Of course.” He murmurs, “tell me what you like.” He says, wanting to drag this out a little longer but his cock twitches against your ass as his eyes daringly dip down to your tits, feeling less ashamed of being attracted to you when he can tell you are attracted to him.

“I like having my tits sucked on.” It’s something he could do with his hands bound, so that’s a plus. “And I’m riding, so I really like to grind down on a cock when I’m doing the work.”

“Good. That’s good.” Joel murmurs and licks his lips. “You want me to, uh, suck on your tits?” He asks, wanting to make sure you’re wet enough for this while his hands continue working on getting out of the zip ties. You nod and shift closer so your breasts are in his face and he turns his head to take your nipple into his mouth.

“Oh god.” You had resigned yourself to being touched. At least it wasn’t by those assholes, but the pressure of his mouth is the perfect combination of harsh and gentle. Pulling and suckling perfectly to make the bud perk up and ache for attention. On their own, your hands move to his hair, surprisingly not greasy or gritty even though you know he had not been bathed completely. Even at the end of the world and traveling, he apparently took care of hygiene. “Fuck, Joel.”

He loves the way your fingers tangle in his hair. It feels like a lifetime since he had a moment to relax and enjoy something instead of running for his life. He groans into your flesh, his cock twitching under you as he starts to harden as he bites down on your nipple once more.

“Ohhhhh.” Your eyes close, imagining this is because you want it. Your cunt clenches again and there’s a rush of heat. Your hips start to slowly grind down on his hardening cock.

“Shit.” He hisses against your breast and he switches over, enjoying the way you grind down onto him. “Shit, sweetheart.” He murmurs, kissing along the swell of your breast as he feels himself getting harder.

He feels thick. A grower. You moan softly when he pulls your other nipple in his mouth. “That feels good.” You admit breathlessly, tugging on his hair and scratching your nails against his scalp.

He grunts, letting himself imagine that this is a different situation and he’s not being forced to knock you up. His fingers dig into his palms as he tries to break the zip ties but fails. He kisses along your chest up to your neck, breathing harshly as he gets harder and harder.

You lower your jaw, noses bumping and your lips brush against each other. “I’m going to kiss you.” You murmur. “Is that okay?”

Joel knows you shouldn’t but he wants it. Want to have some intimacy that you can control when you can’t control the fact that you are having sex with him. He tilts his head so he can press his lips to yours.

As soon as your lips touch, you push your tongue inside his mouth. Wanting to take as much control as you can of the situation. You don’t think he minds. Not the way he’s groaning and his tongue slides against yours. You press close, grinding down on his now completely hard cock.

Your moan into his mouth has him ready for you. His hips jerk up to grind against you, groaning into your mouth when he feels how wet you are. “You ready for me baby?” He asks softly as you pull back for a second.

“Yes.” You could probably be wetter, but he won’t hurt you. You kiss him once more and spit in your hand when you pull back. Reaching between you, you wrap your hand around him and pump. Feeling him twitch in your hand, you clench again as you notch him at your entrance.

He inhales sharply at the feel of your hot flesh starting to engulf him as you start to sink down onto his cock. “Fuck.” He hisses, closing his eyes to control himself. It’s been so long since he felt this kind of embrace. He and Tess always used protection that FEDRA would sell in exchange for credits and he hasn’t been with a woman like this since long before outbreak day. “Take it slow. Don’t hurt yourself.” He says softly, eyes opening to watch your expressions.

He’s thick, long, pushing up into you and you're still not completely engulfing him. “Fuck.” You moan quietly, leaning toward and burying your head into his neck. “So big.”

He smirks, unable to conceal the spark of pride at you being slightly breathless at taking him inside of you. “Take it easy.” He murmurs, turning his head to kiss along your neck as you slowly rock your hips to take him until your thighs are flush against his. “That’s it. Good girl.” He murmurs, “takin’ me so well.”

Despite his reluctance to do this, his dirty talk is in top form and you clench around his length at the way he coos at you. “Fuck, Joel.” You whimper quietly. “Keep talking and I will cum.”

He groans, wanting to make this good for you when you’ve suffered a terrible fate to get to this point. There’s no way he will let you go now that he’s possibly going to get you pregnant. “So tight around me.” He says, wishing he could touch you. His hands wiggle around the zip ties and he kisses your neck again.

Tilting your head so he can have more access to you, you settle down onto him completely. Feeling him deep inside you, you know that if he were in charge and fucking you harshly, he would rearrange your guts. "So big." you whine softly. "Everything's tight to you." You roll your hips slightly and start to pull up off his length, eager to feel him move inside you.

He kisses along your neck, "take what you want, baby. Want you to feel good. Want you to cum for me." He demands against your skin, "want you to fuckin' soak me." He groans as you rock on top of him.

"Jesus." You never had a man who wanted your pleasure for himself. Most were happy that you just let them fuck you, but you have a feeling that if Joel was in control, that he would be making sure that you were cumming on his tongue or fingers. "I will." You pant quietly.

He still tries to untie his hands, desperate to touch you but you keep distracting him by grinding down onto his cock like it's the last thing you'll do. In this new world, it could be. "Wish I could touch you. Wanna - arch your back for me." He demands and you do as he says so he leans forward to wrap his lips around your nipple.

“Oh god, it feels so good.” You whimper, loving how he’s twitching inside you every time you clench around him. It’s nothing short of a miracle, it's not rough and dirty. You’ll take the beauty of the moment and be thankful for it, a rarity in your world now.

Your fingers slide through his hair and he groans into your flesh, loving how you clench around him and he wishes he could break free and show you how could he can be, fuck you harder unto you are screaming his name in pleasure. So loud that those motherfuckers outside hear it all. He licks along the swell of your tit and kisses your sternum. “Feel so good, baby girl.” He murmurs, “so good for me.”

“So big.” You moan quietly, circling your hips and lifting off to push back down on him. “You feel so good. So thick.” It’s like having an itch you didn’t realize you had being scratched. It makes you want more, so you speed up.

He groans as you start to rock on his cock, his fingers flexing as he tries to break the zip ties and he breathes harshly through his nose as you rock a little faster. “Take what you need.” He demands, “rub your clit.”

Moaning, you hang on to Joel while sliding one hand down to obey his order. Loving how he’s trying to prioritize your pleasure in these circumstances. Your fingers swirl around your engorged clit and you whimper in pleasure, walls pulsing around him. “Joel.”

He loves the way you moan and whimper his name. “That’s it baby. Make yourself cum. Use me for what you need and then I’ll fill you up like a good girl.” He promises, knowing that the end result will be the same but he wants you to enjoy this before the chaos starts.

His words go straight through you, making you clench down around him while your fingers rub your clit faster. Feeling your orgasm starting to build as you ride his cock. “I’ll be good.” You pant. “I’ll cum, I want to cum for you. Feels so, fuckkkkkkk-” You squeal when Joel snaps his hips up and it pushes you over the edge. Cunt spasming around his cock and soaking him as you cum harder than you have in years

Joel groans as you soak him, clamping down on his cock in a vice tight than anything he’s felt in so long. He pants as he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to keep himself from cumming too soon but it’s been too long. “Fuck. I’m gonna - I’m gonna- oh shit. You need to pull off if you want to go again.”

You know you should prolong it, if he wants to get out of the ties. Reluctantly, you lift off his cock and slump against his chest, “how much longer before you break them?” You whisper in his ear.

“Gimme a few minutes.” He says roughly, both to calm down and to get the zip ties undone. Those bastards tied them extra fucking tight and Joel can’t break them as easily behind his back. “Wanna make this good for you.” He says a little louder, “make you cum again.”

There’s a harsh banging against the door. “Hurry the fuck up!” One of the men shouts. You snort but Joel just shakes his head. 

“You want me to cum? I need time!” He bellows back, smirking slightly at you. It’s kind of sexy how defiant he is and you lean in to kiss his jaw.

Joel hums, turning his head to press his lips against yours as you caress his shoulders. “Wanna put me back in? I’ve calmed down now.” He smirks, “want you to cum again for me.”

“Okay.” You reach down and moan when he twitches in your hand again as you line yourself up. “You’ve got a great cock.” You praise breathless when you start to sink down again.

“Thanks.” He murmurs, knowing that’s not something that he hears every day and he groans when you engulf him again. “You, uh, you have a great pussy. So tight and wet.” He says, a little awkwardly as he doesn’t really do compliments but for you, you deserve it.

“It’s just been awhile.” The fact that you are teasing him in this situation is a miracle, but you’ve had to keep a sense of humor since the outbreak or you would have gone crazy. “Any pussy would feel great.”

Joel wants to roll his eyes but he doesn’t, “you gonna make yourself cum again on my cock?” He asks, wanting to hear those sweet cries of pleasure again. This moment is for you. Fuck those assholes outside. They don’t control this moment. You do.

“Yes.” You pant breathlessly, settling down on him again and clenching down around him. “Gonna cum again on the best dick I’ve ever had. You’re so good, baby.”

“So good.” Joel murmurs, “want you to take what you need.” He says and he leans in to kiss your chest, licking along your collarbone. You almost taste sweet but that could be because you’re clean. It’s hard to maintain hygiene when you’re traveling like he has been.

When he’s saying that, it’s almost easy to believe that this is just for you and him. That there’s not men on the other side of the door that want to use you as a broodmare. You moan and turn your head to whimper his name in his ear.

He groans when you whimper his name, his cock twitching inside of you. “Baby. Baby. You gotta - need you to make yourself cum again. Nearly got the ties off.” He whispers the last part, knowing that he won’t be able to hold off his orgasm much longer.

“Okay, okay, I’m gonna cum.” You promise, reaching between your bodies and rubbing your clit. If he can get the ties off before he cums, he can pull you off his cock. Then you can both work on getting out of here. Hopefully he wasn’t lying when he said he would take you home. Even company on the road would be better than traveling alone.

Joel groans when you start to move and rub your clit. He wishes he could take over and he tugs on the zip ties, wanting to get out of them, and he watches you as you pleasure yourself using his body. “Keep going. Want you to cum for me.”

“Yes, yes.” You are practically galloping on his cock, riding him as fast as your body will move, feet pushing you up from the floor as gravity brings you back down. Making you grunt every time he hits so deep inside of you and pushes you close to the edge.

“That’s it. That’s it, sweetheart.” Joel grunts as you rock on top of him. “Make that sweet pussy gush for me.” He demands, his cock twitching inside of you and he desperately wants to see you cum again.

His words send a shiver down your spine, gasping out when his cock twitches and hits something divine inside you. Throwing you over the edge with a warbled cry of his name as you clamp down around him.

Joel hisses at the way you clamp down on his cock, soaking him again and he clenches his jaw, thrusting up into you as you soak him. “Fuck. Im - im gonna cum.” He pants as he clenches his eyes shut just before he falls over the edge. His cock twitching violently inside of you as he paints your walls and the force of his orgasm has him ripping free of the zip ties.

It shouldn’t feel good. It should horrify you that he just came inside you. But you can’t move, can’t react as your body holds you suspended on his cock as he rocks up into you.

Joel groans as he rides out his orgasm, his hands coming up to grab your back to keep you pressed against him as his lips find yours to smother his groan. “Fuck.” He mutters into your mouth as his cock pulses inside of you.

You pour yourself into the kiss, knowing that you will have to stop soon. He’s free, now you both need to be free. Free of this horrible place.

Joel pulls back from the kiss and looks at you, “I’m gonna keep my hands behind my back when they come in. Want you to go along with what they want until I whistle, okay?” He says, wanting you to know he has a plan to get you out of this.

“Okay.” You nod and pull off his cock with a slight moan so you can pull his pants back up. He can’t fight with his pants down and his cock out.

The door flings open moments later, having realized the moans have stopped, and the men come in. “Done the job?” They ask and Joel keeps his hands behind his back as he nods. 

“Yes. All done.” He says, jerking his chin towards you and they drag you off of his lap, making his jaw clench as they kick your legs apart to make sure he came inside of you. 

“Look at that creamy mess. She’s gonna make a cute little mama. She’ll be a horny one and I’m sure she will want a cock to sit on.” He chuckles and you wince. 

Joel clenches his jaw, “yeah. That ain’t gonna be happening.” He promises, whistling at you and he stands up from the chair, making the man’s eyes widen and he shoves you away just as Joel grabs the chair to swing it around and whack him in the face.

All you can do is watch, eyes wide as Joel goes feral. He’s brutal. Dropping the chair and grabbing the gun from the other man and turning around to pistol whip the other. The man in the ground is groaning and struggling to his hands and knees before you move over and kick him in the stomach for the vulgarity of him.

Joel wasted no time grabbing the gun and he grabs the knife from the other man, slitting his throat before he repeats the action with the other man on the ground. It’s violent and bloody but they won’t scream for help if they are gargling on their blood and no one will be alerted to the fact that he’s free. He shrugs off his jacket hands it to you to put on as he holds the gun up and carefully strides down the hall, “stay behind me.” He demands as he escorts you through the compound, determined to find Ellie.

Wrapping his jacket around your nude body, you follow behind him. Sticking close and wishing you had your shoes at least. They had ordered you to strip and you don’t know what they did with your clothes. “The little girl. She would be at the end of the building.”

Joel nods, gun aimed as he walks down the hall to where Ellie is being held. He hears her before he sees her. “Get the fuck away from me, man. Where’s Joel? I want to talk to him. Now!” She demands and Joel wastes no time shoving the door open. 

“How the fuck did you-?” The man holding her shouts and Joel wastes no time shooting him. 

“Get your shit, kid. We are leaving.” He demands and Ellie scrambles to get her backpack.

“Who the fuck is she?” Ellie’s eyes widen when she realizes that you are naked underneath Joel’s coat. “You picking up naked women now?” She demands. 

You pull the jacket tight around you and tell the girl your name. “He saved me.” That is all you tell her, not willing to divulge what happened between you.

“We don’t have time for this. Come on.” Joel growls as he escorts you and Ellie through the halls. “Where would your clothes be?” He asks, wanting you to have something to wear before you leave this hell hole.

“They might have put them back in my room.” You tell him quietly. “Down the hall to the left and three doors down.”

Joel nods, “stay here. I’ll get them.” He says as he hands the knife to you. “Scream and slash if anyone comes along. I’ll be right back.” He promises as he rubs down the hall, finding the room empty and he grabs the clothes from the side, rushing back down the hall.

“So, uh, are you okay?” Ellie asks as she shifts awkwardly, looking up and down the hall. It’s not like Joel just adopts people, and he doesn’t seem like he’s going to leave you behind. 

“I’m- im good.” You murmur quietly.

Ellie nods, knowing that things happen and she isn’t sure she wants to know what happened to you. Joel is tense as he comes back down the hall with your clothes and boots. “Get your boots on.” He demands, knowing the rest can wait. You shove your feet in the boots and Joel nods, “stay close. No one makes a noise.” He demands as he guides you through the compound to find the exit.

It’s silent, making your heart feel like it’s pounding loud enough for everyone to hear. Freedom is so close. To get away from here is everything you’ve wanted since you’ve been brought here. Following behind the girl sandwiched between you and Joel, you figure that she is his daughter from how protective he is over her.

Joel sees the fire exit door, unguarded and the light shining through. He walks faster just as a man comes around the corner. “Fuck.” Joel grunts, raising his gun to kill the guy before he can shout. “They heard that.” Joel says as he grabs the guy’s gun from his holster and he slams the exit door open. “Go. Go. Go. Run!” He demands, shouting at you and Ellie to get out of the building. “Run into the woods.” He orders as he hears the others shouting out behind him.

Following Ellie, you run, not even daring to look back over your shoulder. Joel fires off another few shots and from the shouts, it sounds like he hit them. The brush scratches your thighs and legs as you run through the bitter wind, not bothering to try to keep the jacket closed around your body as you race for freedom.

Joel keeps running, running until all three of you collapse deep in the forest. Footsteps and shouts have faded and he feels that you can take a moment to take a breath. “Are you okay?” Joel asks Ellie breathlessly and she nods, “I’m fine.” He looks at you, walking over to you, “are you okay?”

"I'm free." You pant, closing your eyes and wrapping your arms around your body. "I- thank you." You whisper, opening your eyes again and looking up at him. "I-I'm fine, but I need to- to clean up and get dressed."

Joel nods, “there’s a stream that runs through here that we passed before they caught us.” He says, knowing he wouldn’t mind freshening up too before he has to talk to you about what happened back there. “Let’s go.” He says with a nod, knowing you’ll want to be back in your own clothes.

Pushing off the tree you had been leaning against, you start to follow Joel and Ellie again. It's easier to be behind them so they don't have to see you naked in Joel's coat and so you can continuously look over your shoulder to make sure no one is following you. "Oh thank God." You moan when you hear the water close by and break through the trees to see a small stream. It will be cold, but you need to try to wash Joel's cum out of your cunt.

“Let’s give her some privacy.” Joel says, holstering one gun and holding the other to keep guard as he guides Ellie through the brush to give you some space. 

“Why is she naked?” Ellie asks, ever inquisitive. “Long story.” Joel sighs. 

“Did she - did you and she-?” Ellie doesn’t finish the question but Joel looks at her with slightly pained eyes, “just leave it.”

Ellie's mouth drops open and she almost speaks again, but the look on Joel's face tells her that he will snap at her if she does. "Ooooookay." She huffs and shakes her head. "I thought sex would put someone in a good mood." She mumbles to herself. Down at the stream, you quickly pull off your boots and plunge into the cold water. Biting your lip to keep from screaming at the temperature, you quickly start washing your body. You don't have soap, but the cold water is better than nothing for washing away the cum between your thighs.

Joel feels the guilt closing in on him. The way he had sex with you and you didn’t want to have sex with him. You were forced and he’s struggling with that. Do you think he forced you? He swallows harshly as his eyes scan the perimeter, his ears on high alert for any noise and he spins when you come through the brush fully clothed. Your hands go up when he aims the gun at you until he lowers it. “Okay. We gotta keep moving.” He says, knowing his own wash can wait.

You shake your head, knowing that he will want to clean up. Get the residue of you off of him. You feel horrible, knowing that you took advantage of this man while he was tied up. It doesn't matter that you were forced to, you were the one who had done it. "I can watch." you offer quietly. "While you clean up. I know it would be better."

“It’s fine. Let’s move.” Joel says, knowing it’s risky to stay here for too long and it’s going to get dark soon. He wants you and Ellie as far away from that place as possible. “Ellie, come on.” He calls out as Ellie lingers behind. “We gotta move.” He says and starts to guide you through the trees.

You don't have anything but the clothes on your back. Handing the jacket back to Joel, you settle for keeping up with him. He walks briskly, obviously wanting to put plenty of distance between your little group and the men who were chasing you. Biting your lip, you wonder what will happen when you stop, if he will want to part ways, or if he will keep his word.

Joel sighs as walks as far as he can before it gets too dark. “We will set up camp here. I’ll take watch. We leave as soon as the sun rises. I want to get to Wyoming as fast as possible before anything else goes to shit.”

You shake your head. “You can’t possibly stay up all night.” You protest and Ellie scoffs. 

“Good luck convincing him of that.” She huffs, shaking her head. “It’s downright impressive how stubborn he can be.” You bite your lip and nod, aware that he could just leave you here, so you decide not to argue. Ellie sets up her sleeping bag and there’s not going to be a fire, Joel is uncomfortable starting one since they might still be looking for you.

Joel gives you his sleeping bag, knowing he won’t be using it tonight, and he settles against a tree with his gun in hand, listening to every leaf and branch and rustle in the forest. It doesn’t take Ellie long to pass out but he can tell you’re still awake. “You should get some sleep. It’s been a long day.” He murmurs softly.

You stare at his profile in the dark, wondering if he will talk about what happened or just pretend it didn’t. It seems like he’s going to pretend it didn’t when the silence hangs between you. “Wake me when you get tired.” You finally whisper. “It’s been a long day for you too.”

Joel doesn’t respond with anything other than a nod and he watches you as you curl into his sleeping bag, exhausted by the events of the day. Joel sighs softly under his breath, knowing that you are a gorgeous young woman, someone he would’ve been lucky to have had in his previous life but he’s committed too many sins to ever reap such a reward. He sends a silent prayer up, that you aren’t pregnant. It’s a death wish in this new era.

****

Doubled over, you heave, the little bit of rabbit stew and water you had coming back up. Groaning as your stomach twists and turns, the hand on your back is reassuring, even though you know you can just imagine the concern on Ellie's face. True to your thoughts, Joel had never brought up that day, what had happened between you, and neither had you. You had desperately hoped that you would get your period, that the group's efforts to breed you would have been in vain. However, two months have gone by and now you are experiencing what can only be morning sickness on your trek across to the continent. You've had to backtrack, go south, and chase your tail to get around raging rivers, blown up bridges and bypass large cities where infected might be. Now, it seems like there's going to be a fourth member of your little party.

Joel winces when he hears you retching again. It’s been two months since he was forced to fuck you and he tries to deny the reality of what is happening but he can’t. Every day that passes, you’re in danger and he desperately needs to get you and Ellie to safety and not out in the middle of fucking nowhere.

"It's getting worse." Ellie huffs when you finally stop heaving and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand as you gasp for breath. It's been taking it out of you and you know that you've been slowing them down. You being sick has made you weaker and able to travel less. It wouldn't surprise you if Joel ended up leaving you out here on your own. "Joel! It's getting worse." Ellie barks at Joel where he is scanning the area again. "We need to get her some medicine or something."

Joel bites his lip, “it’s not medicine that she needs, kid.” 

Ellie frowns, “then how the fuck is she gonna stop throwing up?” Ellie hisses, eyebrows raised and Joel shakes his head, looking at you, almost pleading with you to say it’s not so but deep down, he knows it’s happening.

"Time." You croak out, finally catching your breath and straightening. "It'll go away eventually. It just takes time." You know that Ellie is smart, she will figure it out, but right now, you don't need her worrying about it. 

“So why aren't me and Joel sick?" She demands and you shrug your shoulders. "Just my lucky little virus, I guess."

Ellie scoffs, “I don’t want to be catching that.” Joel swallows harshly and he adjusts the rifle over his shoulder. 

“You won’t.” He says, “it’s just her.” He grabs your water bottle and hands it to you, his dark eyes focusing on you.

"Thanks." You murmur quietly while Ellie mutters to herself. Taking a large drink, sighing, and wiping your mouth again. "I'm okay, Ellie." You promise her. "Why don't we keep on? I'm hoping we can find a house to sleep in tonight."

Joel nods, “it’s gonna be dark soon and it’s getting colder. We need a better shelter. Let’s keep going.” He says, knowing that he can focus on this. On survival. He can keep you and Ellie safe. This new development….he doesn’t know how he’s gonna handle it.

It takes you a moment to move once Ellie shuffles away. Aware that Joel’s eyes are still on you, but you don’t talk about it. Instead, you shuffle the small pack he had found for you up on your shoulders as you try not to freak out about being pregnant.

You walk for a couple more hours before you end up finding an abandoned house. It’s nothing fancy but it's a shelter from the cold wind and it’s warm. “Come on, let’s get inside.” Joel says, setting his rifle down as you and Ellie get inside of the cabin. “I’ll go see if I can find a rabbit or something. Get some wood for a fire.” He gestures to the empty fireplace.

“God, a fire.” You moan quietly. “Being warm when I sleep.” It’s been some time since you’ve slept under a roof and you are looking forward to it. Especially because you’re sure it’s going to rain tomorrow. You might be here for a day or so. “Let’s go collect some wood and see if we can find some water.” You tell Ellie as you drop your bag. “Maybe there’s some clothes in the bedrooms we can go through.”

Joel makes his way out into the woods, knife and gun in hand as he listens for any wildlife and his heart is pounding. You’re pregnant. He inhales sharply, suddenly feeling his lungs contract and he feels like he can’t breathe. Bending over, he closes his eyes and his heart is pounding. He failed Sarah. He’s failing Ellie. He’s going to fail you and the baby. He’s going to fail.

“You’re not like, gonna die, right?” Ellie asks as you both haul an armful of wood back to the small cabin. You had told her that the weather might get bad and it could be a good idea to get extra wood. The idea of spending a day or so with walls and roof around you seems positively luxurious, especially in bad weather. “I don’t think so.” You don’t want to tell her right now that you're pregnant, but soon you will have to. It’s horrible, but you wonder if Joel hopes you might lose the small little bean that’s growing in your belly. It’s not like he wanted a baby and this world isn’t made for babies anymore.

Joel inhales deeply, trying to catch his breath and he opens his eyes. It’s hard to think about becoming a father again and he tries to calm down. His heart pounding in his chest and he rubs his chest, trying to stop it. His mouth is dry and he gives himself a moment to gather his composure before he resumes his venture to find dinner.

Once you both have brought a good pile of wood inside, you start to poke around in the kitchen. Hoping that you might find a few cans of food or some sturdy pots to boil water in. You need to stay hydrated more than normal with your morning sickness.

Joel returns to the cabin with two rabbits, his blood pressure returns to normal, and he locks the door once it’s shut behind him. “Got two. Should be plenty for all of us.” Joel says, heading into the kitchen so he can work on skinning the rabbits and getting them on the fire that you and Ellie have prepped.

"There was a well." You announce. "We've hauled in a shit ton of water and the kid is already dreaming about a hot sponge bath." You tell him from the fire. You can't watch him skin the rabbits right now, your stomach would revolt.

Joel works fast to skin the rabbits and prepare them for cooking. He spears them and places them over the fire before he shrugs off his jacket, glancing at you across the room as you pour water into smaller buckets to heat up. “I’m sure everyone could use a clean up.”

“Damn right, you stink.” Ellie huffs, dramatically waving her hand in front of her nose. 

You snort at the frown on Joel’s face and shake your head. “It’s hard work crossing the country.” You remind her.

Ellie chuckles, “too fucking right it is.” 

Joel huffs, “language.” He reminds her and she rolls her eyes as he turns the rabbits. “Go clean up, kid. Dinner won’t be too long.” He says after the buckets of water are warmed and you help her carry them into the bathroom.

“I found a couple of cans.” You tell Joel. “Stuck them in Ellie’s bag.” The labels were long since peeled, but the cans weren’t swollen, so there is a good chance the food inside is still good. “And there’s some clothes that might fit you.”

Joel nods as he spins the rabbits. “That’s good. This shirt is getting ratty. Too thin with the colder weather coming in on us. How are you…how are you feelin’?” He asks softly, “do you think you’re - that you got-?” He can’t finish the sentence, too terrified to know the answer despite already knowing it deep down.

You sigh softly, knowing the conversation had to come eventually. “There were some larger clothes that I stuffed in my bag when Ellie wasn’t looking. For when I can’t fit these.” You tell him quietly. “I’m sorry. If you want to leave with Ellie in the morning, leave me behind, I’ll understand. You didn’t ask for this.”

Joel shifts away from the fire, coming over to you. “You didn’t ask for this either. Those bastards…they forced you - they forced us. Now, we face the reality of what happened and I- I am not a man to run away from my responsibility. You’ll stay with me and Ellie. You will have this baby and I will use everything in me to protect you all. With my life.” He promises.

“I don’t want you to do that.” You shake your head and frown. “Ellie needs you. She’s important.” Over the course of the last two months, you’ve learned why they are on the road and why he’s so protective over her. “If it comes down to you or me and the baby, you choose yourself.”

Joel scoffs, “you gotta be fucking kidding me, baby?” He says and shifts closer. “I will never choose myself over you and the baby. Never.” He hisses, “I don’t give a fuck about my life. I am here to protect you and Ellie and now this baby. That’s my life. That’s my duty.” He says with conviction.

You don’t agree with him, Ellie is more important than you, but you don’t argue. You can see the set of his jaw, he won’t change his mind. Instead, you look back at the fire. “There’s bad weather moving in,” you tell him quietly. “Ellie and I gathered enough wood to stay if it doesn’t blow through in the night.”

“Then we will see it out. Are you hungry?” He asks, knowing you must be. He is and he isn’t the one growing a child inside of him. God, a baby. His child. His heart twists and he wonders if it’s a boy or a girl. It doesn’t matter either way as long as they are healthy and safe but he is terrified he’s going to fail them.

“I’m starving.” You admit sheepishly. “Getting sick hasn’t been helping but it feels like I’ve not eaten in a week.” Even though you are ravenous, you won’t take more than either one of them. All three of you need to keep up your strength. “Soon enough Ellie will find out too.” You remind him. “What do we tell her? Do you- um, do you want her to think it’s someone else’s baby?”

Joel shakes his head, “she’s not stupid. We will tell her it’s mine and that we were forced into having sex. Ellie is - she’s beyond her years and I know that she won’t judge us. She needs to know if we are to be a unit.” Joel says softly, already deciding to give up some of his portion so he can make sure you have enough food.

You sigh softly, aware that you are a burden to him. He didn’t want another kid and here you are pregnant. “At least we will be warm and cozy tonight.” You change the subject, looking around the cabin. “This place must have been cute twenty years ago.”

Joel looks around and nods, “yeah. I used to build houses with my brother. We had a construction company. Seems like a lifetime ago now.” He sighs, thinking of Tommy. “Do you, uh, what do you want? A girl or a boy?” He asks after a moment.

It takes you a minute to realize he’s asking about the baby. Surprising you again, although you can see Joel being a man who worked with his hands before the outbreak. “I don’t really care if it’s a boy or girl.” You admit, your hand drifting down to your stomach. “As long as they are healthy, right?”

Joel nods, “healthy is all that matters. I, uh, I had a daughter. Before the outbreak. Her name was Sarah. She was shot on the day and I- I - I died that day too.” He admits quietly, staring into the fire.

“Oh god.” Your heart sinks and your eyes start to water. You can’t imagine how he felt losing his daughter. “I’m so sorry, Joel.” You reach out and touch his arm. “Nothing I can say will make it okay, but I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t push you away like he would everyone else. You are connected to him now and you deserve to know who he is, even the ugly dark parts of him he’s hidden away. He takes your hand in his, squeezing it, “thanks. I miss her every second of every day but Ellie…she gave me a new purpose.”

“She’s a special girl, I can see why you’ve grown attached to her.” You murmur. “She’s amazingly resilient. I don’t know if I could have survived all of this when I was her age. I was so innocent.” You snort, amused at how naive you had been at her age.

Joel chuckles, “ain’t we all at that age? It was a different time. We were allowed to be naive. She isn’t.” He sighs after a second and lets go of your hand so he can take the rabbits off of the fire. “Can you go tell the kid dinner is ready? She will soak all night if you let her.”

“I will.” You had found some metal dishes, ones that you can take with you, and cleaned them up. It will be a proper dinner tonight. Making your way to the small bathroom, you knock on the door. “Ellie? Dinner is ready, okay?” She huffs but agrees and you grin at the attitude teenagers give as you go back into the main area.

Joel serves up the rabbit onto the plates, serving you and Ellie more than him and he brings the plates over to the rickety table, setting them down. “Eat.” He orders you when you appear back in the room.

You frown when you see only two plates and shake your head. “Where’s yours?” You demand, not wanting him to go without.

“I’ll get meat off of the bones.” He says, knowing he can get more from the bone than you or Ellie. Ellie doesn’t like chewing from the bone.

You want to argue but you know it will do no good. Joel is determined to make sure that you and Ellie are taken care of and you can’t fight him your entire pregnancy. You resolve to make sure that he has plenty of meat when you are done. “There’s a pot we can make a stew with tomorrow?” You offer, knowing that would stretch the food supply that you find. “It’s not heavy. I can carry it.”

Joel bites his lip, not liking the idea of you carrying anything at all. “Until it’s too heavy. Then I’ll take it.” He commands as Ellie comes out of the hall, dressed in new clothes and her hair wet. 

“Fuck yes. I'm starving.” She groans as she sits down at the table and immediately digs into the food.

You eat more slowly, drinking a lot of water since you’ve been sick and chuckling to yourself as Ellie chokes down the food like she’s not eaten in years. “Slow down, you don’t want to make yourself sick.”

Ellie nods, “don’t wanna be like you. Getting sick and shit.” 

You chuckle softly and nod, glancing over at Joel. “Fair enough.” You hum and Joel nibbles on the bones, enjoying the flavor of the meat. 

“Slow down.” Joel tells Ellie after a second, “don’t need you throwin’ up around here.”

You snort when she rolls her eyes, but starts to slow down. All of you continue to eat in silence and Joel frowns when you push your half eaten plate towards him. “I can’t eat anymore.” You tell him truthfully. The water is sloshing in your belly. “Besides, if I get sick in the morning, it will just be a waste.”

Joel narrows his eyes at you slightly, trying to discern if you are being truthful and he reluctantly takes the plate, picking up the remaining rabbit to eat it. “Try to keep it down. You need to eat and keep your energy up.” He tells you, “and plenty of rest.”

Ellie snorts. “Okay, dad.” She huffs sarcastically. “Jesus, you act like she’s pregnant or something.” You freeze for a split second before you laugh, trying to make that thought disappear.

Joel looks at you before he looks at Ellie and she picks up the look. “Oh shit. She’s - you’re - you’re pregnant?” She chokes and you glance back at Joel. 

“She is.” He declares, “we, uh, when those assholes took us a couple of months back…they tied me up and uh, they made us have sex. And from that…she’s pregnant.” Joel explains as simply as he can.

“Assholes!” Ellie huffs, indignant on your behalf and you bite your lip. You hadn’t wanted to tell her at all, but she would have figured it out. 

“So now you know why you can’t catch what’s making me sick.”

Ellie nods, surging forward to hug you and you’re surprised but return it. “You didn’t deserve that. Neither of you did but I’m excited for a baby. Wonder if it’s gonna look like you or Joel. Hopefully you.” She says, “are you guys together?” She asks and you shake your head. 

Joel bites his lip, “we, uh, we didn’t - it was once to save our lives and I’m gonna be here for you and her and the baby. No matter what.”

He couldn’t look more awkward if he tried and all the dreams you have been having about Joel while sleeping just fizzle away. Reminding you that he hadn’t wanted you, it was just circumstance that had caused this, and a fucked up circumstance at that. “It’s better that we aren’t.” You tell her lightly, reaching out and tugging on her hair. “You don’t have to watch us kiss or hear us late at night.”

Ellie wrinkles her nose, “I can’t even imagine you kissing anyone.” 

You snort and Joel rolls his eyes, “finish your food.” He orders, picking up his canteen and gulping down some water. He can’t let you know that he thinks about that time with you every night. He thinks about how you felt, how you smelt, how he wants to touch you again. In the past two months, he’s gotten to know more about you and it’s hard to deny that he likes you.

When the rabbits are gone, you collect the plates and wash everything in the five gallon bucket of water you had kept aside for that and bite your lip. “We still have enough water for both of us to wash.” You offer Joel. “Do you want to go first?”

Joel shakes his head, "you go first. Take your time and relax." He insists, "Ellie, it's time for bed." He says, "I'm gonna do a scan of the area before I lock us in." He says, grabbing his rifle.

“Awww man, I’m gonna get to sleep on a mattress.” She huffs happily, pulling her sleeping bag out of her bag and setting it down on the old bedding you had dragged out into the main room. Figuring it would be better to sleep next to the fire than in the bedroom.

Joel smiles to himself as he exits the cabin, his ears on high alert for any intruders as the smoke from the chimney billows into the night sky. He clutches the gun as he walks around the perimeter, wanting to make sure you and Ellie are safe before he retreats back into the cabin. He’s glad Ellie knows. He’s gonna need all the help he can get on this trek to find Tommy. Time is of the essence.

In the bathroom, you strip down with a sigh and crawl into the tub. Groaning quietly as you slip into the cool water, it’s still warmer than you’re used to and that is a pleasure. You want to enjoy this and spend a little time relaxing while you can.

Joel settles in to first watch as you come out of the bathroom dressed in new clothes. “Get some sleep, sweetheart. Who knows when the next time we get to sleep in somewhere like this.” You nod, shifting to lay down on the mattress inside of your sleeping bag. 

**** 

Joel wipes his face, the wind whipping in his face and he glances back at you and Ellie behind him. The snow is falling and you are struggling. Your bump is round and pushing against your coat and every damn minute has Joel close to a heart attack when you stumble or get tired. He’s failed you. It’s taken too long to get you to Wyoming and he knows deep down you hate him for dragging you across the fucking country.

You pant quietly, aware that Joel has to keep slowing down for you. It’s been miserable and it seems like your luck never seems to get better. You stumble slightly, Ellie reaching out to steady you in the deepening snow. “We need to stop!” She shouts ahead to Joel but you shake your head. 

“No! Keep going. I’m fine.” Your back is aching and pinging with pain, but you know that you need to go farther to find shelter for the night.

Joel turns back to look at you, seeing the way your brow is pinched. “We gotta keep going. Find shelter. We can’t be out in this.” He shouts and keeps his rifle pointed just in case someone sneaks up on you. His eyes constantly scan the horizon for any sign of a shelter. The darkness draws in until he finally calls it, finding a cave near the river to shelter in. “Come here, sweetheart.” He says, helping you sit down on your sleeping bag. “You need water?” He asks as he gets your flask.

“Please.” You reach for the water, panting slightly. It’s been hard today, your body aching more than normal and the baby has been kicking like crazy. Joel’s been amazing through this all, although you know he’s getting frustrated with how long this is taking. Having a pregnant woman slowing him down wasn’t something he had anticipated.

He hands the bottle to you, shifting to kneel down and his hand rests on your stomach, feeling the kicks. “Christ. They are active. Your back must be aching. Lay down. Ellie - let’s get some wood for a fire and then I’ll find us some food.” Joel says, knowing he needs to find extra. You need your strength and he’s been trying to go without so you have more for the time comes for you to give birth. He’s terrified. Fucking terrified of that moment and it’s any day now.

“I-I’m fine.” You insist even though you are exhausted. “Just need to rest.” You want nothing more than for Joel to pull you into his arms and maybe rub your back, but your stomach is pretty much all he will touch. “Don’t go on my account.”

He wants to laugh and say it’s the least he can do but he can’t. He sighs and stands up, glancing at Ellie who nods. “Watch her and I’ll be back. Don’t go too far.” He orders as he grabs his rifle and ventures into the darkness to find your dinner.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asks quietly, her serious face as she watches you closely. “I’m good.” You promise. “Just tired and fat.”

Ellie shakes her head, “you aren’t fat. You’re growing a fucking baby. That’s insane. It’s crazy that a baby is gonna come out of your vagina. I do not fucking envy that.” Ellie shivers in disgust.

You let out a small laugh, secretly having the same thought. You’ve tried hard to hide the fact that you’re terrified from her. It won’t do any good to have her upset about something that you can’t change. “We need to start a fire.” You groan. “Give me a minute and I’ll help you find some wood.”

Ellie nods as you stand up, groaning out as you struggle with the surge of pain. Ellie helps you up, holding onto your arms. Meanwhile, Joel is hunting, his ears pricked up to hear any rustling. His heart is pounding and he knows it's the anxiety again. He is terrified of you having the baby. He's already failed you. He hasn't found Tommy and you're in the middle of nowhere. He's already failed his child and he feels sick about it.

You constantly ache now, every fiber of your being protesting in pain. Although you know that it’s just because you’re pregnant, you also fear that you might be going into labor. You can’t tell Joel or Ellie that, they will freak out. The pain passes and you sigh, thinking that it’s not so bad right now.

Joel returns with a few rabbits, the fire started by Ellie and he works fast to skin and gut the rabbits before he sets them on the fire to cook. “You doin’ okay, sweetheart?” He asks you, seeing the sweat on your forehead. “You sick?”

“Hot flash.” You lie with a grin. “Don’t know how, but your kid is making me boil in the middle of winter.” You laugh. “Good thing I’m not pregnant during the summer, I would have never survived without air conditioning.”

Joel nods, handing you some water. He refilled the flasks down at the river. His stomach twists with the words “your kid” and the reality hits him again. “Christ. It’s too fucking dead out here. There’s nothing. Not even a cabin. You’re about to pop and I- I have failed you.” He whispers when Ellie goes to set up her sleeping bag.

“You haven’t failed me.” You scoff, shaking your head at him. “You got me away from that place, you’ve protected me. Kept me fed and safe.” You haven’t failed me.” It’s sobering to realize that he’s upset about things you can’t change.

Joel swallows harshly and shakes his head, “I gotta get you somewhere safe before you give birth. We have nothing for a baby.” He says, glancing back at the fire. “We need to make sure we can get more clothes to make diapers or something.”

“I’ve been saving our clothes as they wear out.” You admit. “My bag is full of them. I just need to cut them up into diapers.”

Joel realizes how much more prepared you are both physically and mentally for this baby than he is. He didn’t even think of that. He nods and reaches for your hand, “great idea. This - it will be fine.” He says more to himself than to you.

You hold onto his hand for a moment, knowing that it’s the closest you will get to him again. “It will be fine.” You echo. “Women have been having kids for thousands of years.”

Joel nods, knowing it's true but he needs to make sure you're safe and in an environment where your child can be born safe and without fear. He swallows down some water and he gets the rabbits on the fire.

He’s watching you closely, so every time you grunt in pain, he looks over. “Baby’s active.” You explain and he nods. The baby has been kicking more, so it is plausible. Maybe this is just those fake labor pains you used to hear about when you talked about this kind of thing. It seems like a million years ago. “Do you- uh, you do have any names you’d want?” You ask curiously.

Joel licks his dry lips, knowing that he hadn’t really thought about a name. Thinking about names makes it all real and he’s struggled enough with the reality of becoming a father again. “I haven’t really thought about it.” He confesses, “haven’t really had time. Do you have any names?” He asks, wondering what you have pondered. This is your first child and he knows that you must’ve thought about names.

“I - it’s so hard to think about.” You admit quietly. “All the names I’ve thought about have memories attached and it’s a lot more than being able to name them. I don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.” You bite your lip. “What- did Sarah have a middle name? Do you?”

Joel bites his lip, “Sarah’s middle name was Alexandra because my middle name is Alexander. So…Alex.” He says, “could work for both.” He snorts with a soft smile as he remembers the day he and his ex decided on Sarah’s name after she was born.

“Alex.” You smile softly at the name and think that it’s perfect. “Would it be….too painful if I named the baby that?” You don’t want to hurt him, reminding him of the child he lost. Nor do you want him to think you are trying to replace Sarah, just….honor her a little.

Joel reaches for your hand, “not at all. I think it’s perfect.” He promises, his heart aching at the thought of his baby girl but she’s gone and this baby is coming. He can love Sarah with his entire being and still be a father to this new baby. “Are you feeling okay?” He asks when he feels you squeeze his hand.

“I’m okay.” You promise, nodding quickly. “Just-“ you grunt slightly. “Hard to find a comfortable way to sit, or lay, or exist right now.” You joke, hoping he accepts that answer. “If it wasn’t freezing, I’d probably be looking for the nearest body of water to float in to feel like less of a cow.”

“You ain’t a cow. You are…you are beautiful.” Joel murmurs, letting go of your hand so you can find a comfortable position. “I know this baby isn’t coming into the world that we knew and it’s…it scares me to death to think about all the things that could happen to them but you gotta know, I’ll protect you, Ellie, and this baby until my dying breath.”

“Can you please stop talking about dying?” You ask softly, not wanting to let Ellie overhear. “That scares me. So much.” You blow out a breath. “I- you protect us so much better than I can, I can’t- not having you here-“ you choke up, eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry…” you whimper. “Hormones.” Wiping your eyes, you try to compose yourself. “I don’t want to think about any of our dying breaths right now.”

Joel nods, reaching up to gently wipe your tear away, his hand cupping your cheek as his dark eyes meet yours. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll fight tooth and nail to stay with you and the kids as long as possible.” He assures you, his hand still on your cheek.

There’s a moment where you think that he’s being tender. That there’s a hint of affection for you, before his eyes shift again. His walls go back up. You don’t sigh, but you want to. Instead, you nod against his hand, nuzzling into it slightly. “Thank you.” You murmur quietly

He drops his hand from your cheek and glances over as Ellie settles on her sleeping bag while the rabbit cooks. “It’s okay. We will figure it all out.” He promises and turns his attention back to the rabbit cooking over the fire.

Your own comfort is now down to zero as you shift, trying to find the best way to lay and ease the tension in your back. At least there is a rock outcrop to lean against and you sigh when you have to pee again. “Ellie, help me up.” You ask softly. “I have to pee.”

Ellie nods, shifting off of her sleeping bag to help you up. “Geez, I am glad I don’t like boys.” She murmurs and you chuckle, “pregnancy sucks.” You tell her and she snorts, “I can tell.” Joel cuts up the rabbits, placing it in the tins you have been carrying to use as bowls.

Waddling off for a little privacy, you groan quietly and clutch your stomach. You do need to pee, but you needed a second away from their concern more. “Fuck”. You whimper. “Just- just let me get through the night.” You tell yourself and any other higher power that might be listening. “We need tonight.”

The next morning, Joel can see how weary you are, the redness in your eyes from lack of sleep and he’s worried. Every day could be the day the baby comes and he needs to get you somewhere safe. “You doing okay?” He asks, wanting to make sure you’re okay when he can see how you’re struggling.

“Didn’t sleep.” You don’t mention that Joel had passed out and both you and Ellie had let him sleep. He’s constantly exhausted and it’s starting to wear him down. “I’ll be okay.” You murmur. “We need to move.”

Joel nods, knowing you need to rest but he also needs to get you somewhere safe. When you come across the cabin, Joel is excited to find shelter until the woman tries to shoot him and misses. He wrangles her and ties her up, managing to get out of her that her husband is coming home soon.

Once the woman realizes that you are pregnant, she makes you and Ellie some soup. Making you sit down in a comfortable chair that has you moaning in pleasure. “She will give birth soon.” She predicts as she sits down in the chair opposite you, ignoring Joel and the gun. “Her spirit is strong.”

Joel clenches his jaw, on edge in case it's more than just her husband who is returning. When the man comes back, his own gun is raised and he reprimands his wife for letting Joel in until he sees you, sitting pregnant in his favorite chair. "She needs a safe place to give birth." He says, knowing that won't be his cabin. It's bad enough to have Joel and the women in his home for this amount of time.

“I'm fine.” You hiss, right as a pain strikes so it just makes you look angry. “Tell him what he wants to know and we will leave.”

Joel clenches his jaw and adjusts his gun. “Don’t go south of the river. It’s only dead there.” The old man tells Joel who glances at you for a second. “Get your stuff. We are leaving.” Joel says with a set jaw.

You bite your lip, struggling out of the chair and you sigh in relief. The pressure isn’t nearly as bad since you’ve eaten and rested, it has to be those false labor pains everyone always talks about. “Thank you.” You murmur to the old woman. “Take care of your baby.” She warns you.

Joel sighs as he escorts you and Ellie back into the wilderness. The snow is deep and the wind is freezing. “You warm enough?” He asks you when you shake, worried that’s it’s too cold for you to continue and you can’t just sit down and have a baby in the middle of fucking nowhere.

“I’m okay.” It’s like your motto now, you utter it so often, but you have to be. You can’t stay at that cabin to give birth, but you need to find somewhere safe. His hand hovers over your back and you nearly stumble in the snow.

Joel glances around, eyes narrowed to shield against the storm. “Come on baby. Let’s get movin’” He says as he escorts you along the riverbank. “We going across?” Ellie asks and Joel nods, leading the way across to the “dead” side of the river.

The bridge almost looks forbidden, but the three of you walk across it, the icy water rushing underneath. “Looks like a dam.” You grunt out, biting your lip when another pain, sharp this time, shoots across your belly.

Joel can tell something is wrong but before he can even ask you, you’re suddenly surrounded. Horses approach and he shoves you and Ellie behind him, his heart pounding in his chest as he grips his gun, outnumbered with each passing second, he’s terrified.

The men, the horses, all of it makes you clutch your stomach. Pulling Ellie behind you, to protect her while you try not to double over when another pain crashes through you.

When the dog appears, Joel freezes. When he’s told it detects the virus, he’s terrified that the dog is going to rip Ellie apart. Or attack you for some reason. His heart pounds, puffing out clouds as his breathing quickens and he feels like he’s gonna be sick as he holds his hands up. “Please.” He mouths like it’s going to make a difference and all he can do is brace himself.

You tense when the dog rushes towards you. Barking and snapping, for a second you think it’s going to bite your stomach. Until he whines and sits. Ellie’s hand in front of you and you can’t believe the girl was going to risk getting attacked for you. Watching in amazement as the dog starts to lick her. Until another pain has you doubling over and screaming in pain.

Joel spins, uncaring of the guns on him until he’s ordered to stand still. “Please. She’s pregnant. We are trying to get shelter and I’m trying to find my brother.” He says, voice shaking a little as his fists clench when he can’t do shit but stand there. 

“Joel!” You gasp and the woman on the horse looks at him, “Joel?” She asks, recognizing the name. She glances at her fellow riders and nods, making Joel frown as the guns lower slightly so he rushes over to you. 

“Sweetheart. What - oh shit.” He gasps as he sees your jeans go darker.

You whimper, feeling colder now that your water has broken and soaked your clothes. “I’m sorry, I tried-“ you grab onto his arm. “I tried to hold off.” You start to cry, knowing that you are in labor and these people are probably going to kill you all because of you.

Joel’s eyes are wide as he looks at the woman on the horse whose mouth is hanging open. “Get her inside. Now.” She orders and Joel guides you over to the horse. 

“This is gonna hurt, baby.” He warns you as he helps you up, your cry echoing in the clearing as you grunt in pain but soon you are on and Joel swings on behind you, Ellie getting on another horse. The group escorts you through the gates and Joel’s eyes widen at the sight of something he hasn’t seen in a long time: a community.

You are barely able to hold into the saddle horn, panting as you can finally breathe now that the pain has passed. Unable to even pay attention to the commotion around you as you come to terms with the fact that you are having this baby now. “Holy fuck-“ Joel hisses and pulls the horse to a stop. “Tommy!” Your head jerks up at the name of his brother. Could he be here? Joel shifts off the mount, nearly falling down as he stares at a man on a scaffolding. “Tommy!”

Tommy’s eyes widen as he climbs down the scaffolding. “Joel!” He shouts back, both men rushing towards each other before they embrace, Joel pulling back to look at the brother he’s been searching for for so long. Your cry of pain drags them away from their reunion and Joel pats his brother on the back. “She’s having a baby. She needs medical attention. Now.” Joel demands and Tommy looks at Maria who nods.

Hands, so many hands, gently pull you off the horse. Although it’s Joel who practically drags you off your feet as they lead the way. Through some buildings and into a room that looks like a doctor’s office. “Jo-Joooooeeeeelllllllll!” You clench your teeth together as another pain rips through you.

“I’m here.” He promises, holding you tight as he gets escorted into a room with a bed and a set up like pre-outbreak days. He would be impressed if he wasn’t fucking terrified. “It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart.” He promises, helping the women take off your coat and the wet clothes. He turns his head when you’re naked. Not because he doesn’t want to see you but he hasn’t since the day he got you pregnant and you deserve your modesty. A hospital gown is put on you and you are helped onto the bed. 

“Let’s see what’s going on here.” An older woman, who was a midwife in the previous world, introduces herself and that’s when Joel crumbles. He can’t stand there. He’s failed you. He’s already failed this baby. He stumbles out of the room, blindly walking until Tommy finds him.

When Joel walks out the door, your entire body sags and you start to cry. Unable to call out for him, unwilling to force him to be here with you. Circumstance had made him put up with you, but now he’s fulfilled his part of your deal. He’s gotten you somewhere safe. “It’s okay, dear.” The kind midwife pats your leg and tries to soothe you. “I need to see how far you’ve progressed. How long have you been in labor?” Her question makes you focus and you shake your head. “I thought it was fake pains.” You gasp. “Two- two days ago I started cramping.”

Tommy pours Joel a glass of whiskey and he stares at his younger brother. Months. Fucking months he’s been traveling trying to find him. He’s put his life on the line. He’s got Ellie and you now. Your lives on the line and the baby. Shit, his baby. Meanwhile, Tommy has been shacked up in a nice community with running water and electricity without a single word to his older brother that he's alive. “Looks like you’ve got things good here.” He says after he takes a sip, needing to calm his nerves when your face keeps flashing in his mind. 

“Yeah. I, uh, got married. Maria. She’s my wife.” Tommy says and Joel congratulates him through gritted teeth. 

“I gotta go to Colorado. Take the kid. She, uh, she needs to go there.” He half explains and Tommy shakes his head. 

“I can’t do that. I’m going to be a dad.” He reveals and Joel almost chokes on his beer. 

“So am I.” He murmurs and Tommy’s eyes widen. 

“The pregnant - your baby?” He asks and Joel nods. “What the fuck are you doing here then? You should be with her.” Tommy growls and Joel shakes his head, his hand shaking as he sets the beer down. 

“I’ve already failed her. The baby. All of them. I can’t - what if - Sarah.” He gasps, feeling the anxiety threatening to overwhelm him again. Tommy comes around the counter to touch his brother’s shoulder. 

“You won’t fail them. You’ve kept them alive. Now go. You need to be there to see your child born.” Tommy insists, “come on, I’ll take you.”

You're nearly fully dilated. The midwife said it won’t be too much longer before you are pushing your baby out. She’s given you an IV, but she doesn’t have any drugs to give you. Your eyes squeeze shut as another pain consumes you, making you cry out Joel’s name since you felt safest with him. Even though he’s not here. He’s left you. He doesn’t want to be here when his child is born.

Joel rushes in when one of the women standing outside of your room tells him you’re about to push. “I’m sorry. I’m here. I’m here, baby.” Joel promises as he comes over to stand next to the bed, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face and offering you his hand to squeeze as tight as you need when you push. “I’m sorry I left. Fuck, I’m sorry baby.”

Even as you are grabbing onto him, you’re shaking your head. “No, no, no, you don’t want this.” You whine in pain. “You don’t- just goooooo.” You gasp out and clutch his hand even harder. “I’m- I know you don’t want- Sarah-“

Joel feels the guilt settle over him like fog, heavy and he can admit, self induced. “No. No. I - I won’t go. I’ve been terrified of becoming a father again. Of failing again. Of failing you. The baby. Just like a failed Sarah and - shit - baby, I can’t lose anyone else.” He chokes, squeezing your hand like it’s his lifeline.

You are panting by the time the pain passes, slumping back against the bed and letting out a small sob. “I won’t-“ you don’t finish the sentence because you know childbirth is dangerous. Anything could happen. “I love you.” You whimper before the next pain starts and the midwife tells you to start pushing. Unable to look at Joel to see his reaction as you grit your teeth and bear down.

He doesn’t respond, knowing it could’ve been the emotions of the moment and he’s never been a man to just blurt out how he feels without considering his words and the circumstances. Words like love are thrown around too much, even nowadays, and he doesn’t want you to say something and regret it. “That’s it, sweetheart. Doing so good. Just breathe.” He says, trying to coach you and reassure you like he did his wife when Sarah was born.

There isn’t time for you to focus on Joel’s non response to your confession. Focusing on your need to push and the orders the midwife is giving you while Joel steadies you is comforting. Closing your eyes when you have a moment to breathe before you are tending to push again.

His heart pounds in his chest, his eyes darting from your face to the midwife between your legs. “Doing good, baby.” Joel promises despite not having a clue how far along you are. Your nails dig into his palm and he swallows down the hiss of pain, knowing it’s nothing compared to the pain you’re going through right now.

“The head is almost out.” The midwife looks up. “The next push will be for the shoulders and I need you to push hard.” She orders, making you nod and regrip Joel’s hand. “Okay, push!” Your grunt turns into a scream as you bear down, feeling the blood rushing through your veins and your lungs start to scream for oxygen.

“You got this. You’re doing so good.” Joel promises, letting you squeeze the shit out of his hand. He is terrified for the baby to be born. Shit scared there’s something wrong with them. “You got this baby. Nearly there.” He murmurs, unable to stop himself from leaning in to kiss your forehead.

One more push and the pressure instantly goes away. A choked cry filling the room, getting louder as it squawks and you are looking down as the midwife comes up with your child in her arms. “Congratulations mama, it’s a boy.” She tells you, depositing the still slick child onto your chest.

Joel lets go of your hand, a choke escaping his lips as he stares at the baby now crying out in protest of being pushed into the world, and tears sting in his eyes. His hand raises to touch the baby but he stops, unsure of what you want and the midwife grabs some surgical scissors, asking if he wants to cut the cord. It feels surreal. Like it’s a dream he’s about to wake up from. His hand shakes as he cuts the cord and he stands by you, unsure of how you want him to proceed.

Looking down at your son, your hands shake as you hold him. Unable to believe this is real. “A- a boy.” You choke out, looking up to see Joel looking at you with longing in his eyes. He’s not hiding it right now. “Take him.” You order softly, moving to pull him off your chest. “Hold your son, Joel.”

Joel doesn’t hesitate, slowly reaching out to take the baby into his arms. He’s tiny and so perfect. Ten fingers and ten toes. His eyes like yours. His nose is like Joel’s. He’s perfect and Joel can’t stop the tears that suddenly stream down his cheeks. “Hey little man.” He murmurs, staring at the baby in awe. His son. “Hi Alex.” He whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead.

You smile, exhausted and still cramping as the midwife continues to work on you, but you can’t take your eyes off the scene. The big, burly, gruff man is so fucking gentle as he holds his son. Starting to gently sway, rocking him as he holds the minute old child. “Alexander Joel Miller.” You venture softly, wondering how he would feel about the complete name.

Joel looks over at you, his eyes widening slightly as you name your child with a version of his own name. It’s perfect and he knows at that moment that there’s no use denying how he feels, at least to himself. “It’s perfect.” He murmurs, carrying the baby back over to you to place him in your arms, stroking his head as he settles against your chest to try and root at your breast. “Did you mean it?” He asks you softly as his eyes flick from the baby to you.

You keep your eyes on your son, not wanting to see the rejection in Joel’s. “I don’t expect anything from you.” You promise him quietly. “You didn’t ask for this, for me and Alex.” It’s crazy that you’ve fallen for him, but you have. His dedication to protecting you and the baby, Ellie, has made you fall in love with him. “Just- just don’t reject Alex, please. You don’t have to love me, or even be around me.”

Joel leans closer to you, “it’s hard to not love you when it’s already happened.” He murmurs, “I- I’m not good with words or - or emotions, but sweetheart, you gotta know that there’s nothing on this earth that I’ve ever felt like this before.” He confesses softly. It’s true. Even his ex wife didn’t make his heart pound like you do. “I’ve wanted you for months but I thought you didn’t want me after we were forced to- you know. I didn’t want to make things awkward between us when I had to protect you and Ellie and if you didn’t feel the same. I’m not good at this but for you, I want to try. I want you and our family.”

Your lip trembles and you close your eyes in relief that he feels the same way you do. “I don’t- I don’t want to trap you.” You explain. “I know that we were forced to have Alex, but I enjoyed it. I felt so guilty for enjoying that, for getting pregnant. But I don’t regret this little joy.” You look down at the way your son is still hungrily trying to suckle, grunting at your breast. “He’s a symbol of hope. That there is something to live for, fight for.”

Joel nods in agreement, “he’s our hope. You didn’t trap me. You were forced just as much as I was and I- shit - I feel so guilty thinking of that time together as much as I do.” He admits quietly, “I can’t regret that day when it brought me you and Alex. I love you, baby. I- I know I’m an asshole who can’t handle emotions most of the time so don’t expect me to say it all the time to you but I want you to know that’s how I feel.”

“I don’t care that you say it.” You shake your head, smiling at him when you look back up at the man who has saved you. “You show it. You show Ellie by letting her be herself and keeping her safe. You show me by protecting me and looking out for me and Alex.” You brush your hand over your son’s head, aware that he will still have to be cleaned up, but he’s only minutes old. “You will show your son you love him by teaching him how to survive this world, to protect those he loves.”

Joel nods, wanting to believe you and he tries despite his demons whispering in his ear about how he is going to fail. He swallows harshly as he leans in to kiss your forehead and he nudges his nose against yours, "can I kiss you?" He asks softly and you nod. He leans in closer to brush his lips against yours, soft and sweet.

You sigh into the kiss, loving how tender it is. Reaching up, you cup his cheek and caress it until the midwife slowly tries to take the baby to clean him up.

Joel pulls back, a slight blush on his cheeks when the midwife winks at him and he watches as she carries the baby over to clean him up and weigh him. “You did so good.” Joel murmurs, kissing your forehead, “you’re so fucking brave.”

“I didn’t have much of a choice.” You admit ruefully. “It was pretty much be brave or give birth in the middle of nowhere.” You chuckle. “I almost did that anyway.”

“Thank fuck you didnt.” Joel murmurs, reaching up to brush your sweaty hair back out of your face as the midwife wraps your son in a blanket. It’s surreal. Like yesteryear but it’s real life. It doesn’t feel real to Joel to be in a town with this capacity. He’s going to have to leave though to take Ellie on the rest of her journey. 

**** 

Ellie has already bid goodbye to you and Alex and now it’s Joel’s turn. The urge to simply stay where he is. To not go and finish his duty to Ellie is tempting but he is a man of his word and you’re safe here. “I, uh, I’m gonna come back.” He promises softly, reaching down to stroke the baby’s head as you cradle him.

“You better.” You hate that you can’t go with them, but it’s not feasible. You have a two day old child. The best thing you can do is stay right here, where he knows you will be safe. Tommy has already promised to look after you. Looking up, you bite your lip. “I love you, Joel.” You whisper softly. “Be safe.”

His eyes meet yours and he nods, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips, conveying the words without saying them out loud. You know how he feels. You’re safe here and that’s what matters to him. “Be good, baby.” He says as he straddles the horse and Ellie shuffles on behind him, clinging to his jacket. Ellie offers you a small wave as Joel nudges the horse to move and he doesn’t look back. He can’t look back at what he’s leaving behind.

**** 

It’s been nearly two months since Joel left. Him and Ellie. Every day you walk to the gates and ask if he’s been spotted, or if there’s been any word. There’s been nothing, but still you continue to hold out hope. Carrying Alex in a little sling around your body, you’ve made friends with the community and slowly turned the house they had let you stay in, into a home for you and your little family when you’re reunited. You have to have hope, you’ll go crazy with worry if you don’t.

Joel lies to Ellie about her rescue. It kills him to lie to her but he has to to protect her. “Come on, let's go home.” He says and the duo are quiet as they make their way back to Jackson, down the mountain and when he enters the gate, he is suddenly exhausted. It’s like the pressure and adrenaline are gone and he’s home. His heart thumps when he stumbles into the town and sees you standing there, his eyes widening as they meet yours.

“Joel?” Your eyes nearly bug out of your head when you see the man you have been thinking about for two months. “Joel!” Holding the baby against your chest as you rush towards him. He looks worn, tired and sad in a way you can’t describe, but he’s here. Ellie right behind him. “You’re back!”

Joel wraps his arms around you, the baby between you, and he doesn't hesitate to press his lips to yours. Relieved to be home and find you and Alex safe and sound. His body relaxes, knowing he doesn't have to fight to survive right now at this moment.

You’re surprised by his kiss, figuring that he wouldn’t be the type for public displays. You don’t mind it though, kissing him back fiercely before you break away and look over his shoulder at Ellie. “Good to see both of you.”

He reluctantly steps back so you can hug Ellie. Tommy comes over to slap his back, knowing his brother well enough to know he just needs rest now. "Come on, let's get you all home." He says, walking with you all to get you back to the house you have made a home in their absence.

“I’ve gotten most of the house clean.” You tell them as you walk towards the house. “Ellie….I didn’t know if you were coming back, but I hoped you would. There’s clothes in the closet, clean. And I put some of the books closer to your age on the shelves.”

Ellie smiles at you, half hearted as she tries to reconcile what happened to her but she needs a shower and an actual bed. Joel is quiet as you walk to the house and all he wants is to hold his son, to have a moment where nothing else exists for him except his son. When he enters the house, his shoulders relax properly, sensing this is a home. You’ve made it so comfortable and he loves it, instantly at ease. “I’m gonna go shower.” Ellie says and you nod, “go shower. I’ll make some food.” You say as you work on untying Alex from your body and Ellie heads upstairs to leave you and Joel to your moment.

“I know you have to be tired, but do you want to hold him?” You ask quietly. If he doesn’t, you’ll put Alex in his little swing that hangs in the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room. Joel nods and you transfer the baby to him with a soft coo to Alex who is about to laugh or cry.

Joel looks down at the baby. He’s already changed so much in the two months he’s been gone and he hates how much he’s already missed. “Hey buddy. It’s daddy. Sorry I haven’t been around but I’m back.” He promises, leaning in to kiss his son’s forehead.

You can’t help but watch the interaction for a moment, nearly about to cry from hoping and praying it would happen one day. Alex stares up at his father curiously and you smile at the scene, wishing you had a camera. The shower upstairs turns on and you remember that you need to make them something to eat. They have to be starving.

Joel cradles his son, just staring at him, and he realizes that his prior death wish, his blasé attitude to living or dying is over. He has a purpose now. Ellie and Alex. His kids are his purpose in life and he will do whatever it takes to keep them safe.

In the kitchen, you start pulling out pans to cook. The eggs you had received this morning will be perfect and there’s still a little bit of the smoked pork. You wonder how long it’s been since Joel has eaten an omelet, you open the refrigerator to pull out the fresh mozzarella you had helped make just the other day.

Joel leans down to kiss Alex’s forehead. “You been a good boy for your mama?” He asks, feeling terrible for having left you alone for so long to look after a newborn. He remembers when Sarah was this age. He was exhausted. Her mother couldn’t bond so it was all on him to make sure the baby was fed, clean, and loved. “Your mama is incredible. She grew you while trekking across the country. In the cold weather. With no shelter. She’s amazing and we are so lucky to have her.”

You hear everything that he says, but you don’t comment on it. Aware that even if you protest, he won’t change his mind. Instead, you set out the ingredients for your meals and start whipping everything together. Alex will want to eat soon, so you want to get this done before he is demanding his own meal.

Ellie comes downstairs about ten minutes later to find Joel cradling the baby. “Can I hold him?” She asks and Joel nods, gently transferring the baby into her arms and she grins, “he’s got your nose.” She says to Joel who snorts and nods, “poor bastard.” Ellie coos, gently rocking the baby as Joel walks into the kitchen to see how things are going with the food. “You need any help?”

“No, I’m good.” You promise, looking over at him and smiling. “If you want to take a shower, the one in the master bedroom feels great.”

"I'll wait until after we eat. Ellie is desperate for food...and so am I." He confesses, stepping closer to gently hold your waist. "I thought of you every damn second I was gone."

“We walked every day to check to see if they had heard anything about you.” You murmur. “We missed you. I missed you.”

He rests his forehead on your shoulder, breathing you in, reassuring himself that you’re safe. “Missed you too.” He murmurs, “the food smells good.”

“I know you have to be hungry.” You murmur. “Smoked pork and mozzarella omelets.” You announce. “We’ve started making cheeses and hoping to get the old commercial freezer system working so we can save it.”

“That’s great.” Joel murmurs as you cook and his fingers flex on your waist until he hears Alex crying. “I’ll get him.” He says, kissing your shoulder before he heads back into the living room. 

“I didn’t do anything. He just started crying and I-” Ellie looks panicked but Joel nods and holds his hands out to gently take the baby. 

“It’s okay, baby boy.” He murmurs, rocking the baby and he can tell he’s hungry. “Sweetheart, I think he’s hungry. Let me finish cooking and you take care of our boy.”

“Okay.” You are hesitant to stop cooking, because you want to make the meal for Joel and Ellie, but you take the baby from his father. “Hey, sweet boy, mama’s here. Are you hungry? Is that your problem?” You have gotten used to feeding him and pull your shirt down to pull your breast out. Luckily there was a seamstress in town who could convert any bra into a nursing bra. Alex quiets down the second he senses your nipple and grunts as he latches on and starts to drink.

Joel takes over at the stove but his eyes are fixed on you breastfeeding the baby. He has missed you, thought of you in his every step to get home to Jackson. You’re just as gorgeous as when he left and seeing you with the baby has his heart thumping in his chest. He turns back towards the stove, making sure the food doesn’t burn.

There’s something about Joel and Ellie being here that makes the house seem like home. The atmosphere is even cozier than when it was just you and Alex. The baby gulps down the milk greedily and you watch as Joel finishes the omelets. “The doctors said that he’s healthy. I’m healthy.” You add.

Joel nods, “that’s good.” He watches Ellie as she sits down and asks you if it hurts to have him sucking like that and you chuckle softly and shrug, “sometimes.” 

Ellie wrinkles her nose, “yeah I don’t wanna do that.” She says with conviction, “no kids for me.” 

You nod, “good choice, kid.” Joel shakes his head with a snort and he plates up the food. 

“Dinner’s ready, kid.” Joel says as he places the plates on the kitchen table. “Come eat.” He says despite his own stomach grumbling.

“You two eat.” You tell Joel when he tries to split the food between the three of you. “I’m not hungry right now. I’ve eaten just a little bit ago.” You had eaten already and you want them to enjoy themselves.

Joel doesn’t argue, starving after barely finding anything to eat in the last thirty miles of walking back here. Ellie digs in, no manners as always but he doesn’t reprimand her, knowing that she’s starving too. He groans softly when he digs in, the food hitting his tongue like ambrosia.

You enjoy the way the two of them are eating heartily. “There’s plenty of eggs being produced, so don’t worry about eating all of them.” You laugh quietly. “I’m about egged out myself, but it’s good protein.”

Joel hums around his mouthful, trying to not shove it in but it’s hard when he’s so fucking hungry. “Is there anything else to eat?” Ellie asks, still hungry and she knows she has to mind her manners but fuck, she’s starving.

“There is.” You nod and point towards the refrigerator. “I have some leftovers in there and the microwave actually works now that we’ve got the hydro power working.”

Joel can't remember the last time he used a microwave. Maybe the day Sarah died. He swallows the bite of food and takes a sip of water. "I can take Alex." He offers, wanting to hold his son again now that he is asleep against your chest.

“Okay.” You know that he’s missed time with Alex. He deserves to bond with his son. Handing him off to Joel, you go to the fridge to pull out some more food for Ellie. The light doesn’t work on the inside anymore, but it’s cold.

Joel cradles the sleeping baby, staring at him and memorizing his tiny features. “He’s so beautiful.” Joel murmurs, unable to tear his eyes away from the baby as you prepare some more food.

Ellie is wide eyed at the microwave, thinking it might be the coolest thing she’s ever seen and you glance over at Joel and Alex. “He is.” You agree. “And he’s so sweet. Such a good baby. Rarely cries until he needs something.”

“Gets that from you.” Joel chuckles, “resilience and being easy going.” He says knowing how calm and composed you were being pregnant and trekking across the country. “Holy shit that’s amazing.” Ellie gasps as she looks down at the hot food and back to the microwave.

You laugh and nudge her shoulder. “Wonders of the past.” You tease her. “There were whole bunches of kids who couldn’t cook except for a microwave.”

Joel snorts, “pizza rolls were my go to.” He says and leans down to press a soft kiss to Alex’s head, breathing in his scent. You serve the food that Ellie devours and soon Joel stands up with the sleeping baby. “Can you take him, sweetheart? I want to have a shower.” He says, knowing he stinks but he wanted this time with his family first.

“Of course.” You had anticipated that he wanted to shower. After that, he probably wants to sleep for at least a week. You wonder when the last time he actually slept was. “The water should be hot and I’ll grab those clothes that I think will fit you.”

Joel nods, leaning in to kiss your forehead as he makes his way to the bathroom. He groans when he steps under the hot water, allowing himself to relax for the first time in a long time. He watches the blood and dirt swirl down the drain. The memories of what he did to save Ellie go with the water, letting himself compartmentalize like he always has to avoid the guilt that comes with each person he kills. It was to protect Ellie, to save her life. That’s what he tells himself as he lathers up, “to get back to my family.” He murmurs, unable to regret the actions that brought him home to you and his son with the girl he’s come to love as a daughter.

Downstairs, you clean up the kitchen, Alex in his bouncy chair while Ellie catches you up on everything that happened. Your eyes widen when she tells you that Joel had been stabbed with a baseball bat and almost died, biting your lip to keep from crying the tears that come so easily now. You almost lost him and you didn’t even know. Her face takes on a haunted look, one you can easily interpret and you pat her shoulder gently, telling her that she doesn’t have to talk about it.

Joel rests his forehead on the tile as the water runs over his back. The images of the close calls flashing in his mind and he eventually drags himself out when the water runs cold. He wraps the towel around his waist and he grabs the razor you left on the side for him to cut down the beard that has grown out during his absence.

Once he’s bounced his little heart out, Alex starts to fall asleep in the little chair. It’s reclined position perfect for naps and you had already sent Ellie up to her room to check out the books or take her own nap if she wanted. Just anxiously waiting for Joel so you can talk about what the future might hold for you. You hadn’t stopped loving him, that’s for sure, but he might have realized that he didn’t want a life with you.

Joel comes out of the bathroom to find you setting clothes down on the bed for him, the towel wrapped around his waist and skin still damp from his shower. “Everything okay baby?” He asks as he walks over to you, his hand finding your shoulder.

“Everything’s good.” Your eyes immediately dropping to his side and they widen dramatically. “Oh my god.” You whisper, reaching out and touching the scarred skin. “Ellie told me.”

He sighs softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, and he stares across the room at the faded carpet. “I thought I was gonna die.” He confesses, “I thought I was gonna die and leave you behind, leave Alex behind. I thought I was going to fail Ellie. She was taken and they nearly-” He chokes, unable to finish the sentence.

“They didn’t. She is-“ you shake your head. “She’s here, and you are here.” You can’t help but move closer, reaching out and caressing his wet hair. “You’re both safe now.”

Joel swallows harshly, “I couldn’t lose her. They - I haven’t told her.” His voice lowers, “the Fireflies…the doctor…they were gonna take her fucking brain. She would’ve died and I couldn’t let that happen so I took her and killed - I killed people trying to save her life. I couldn’t let her die.” He whispers, closing his eyes.

“Oh my god.” Your eyes widen in horror and you can’t imagine Joel letting that happen to Ellie. He cares about her so much, he loves her, protects her like she is his own flesh and blood. “You- you did the right thing.” You manage to choke out. “They were going to- to kill her?” Your voice drops to a whisper. “No, fuck no, assholes. They deserved what they got.” You are furious and you would have killed them too when you found out. You don’t blame Joel at all.

He focuses on your hand in his hair as he tries to control his breathing. “She doesn’t know. I- I think she would’ve wanted to die. To give the world a chance to cure the virus but I couldn’t let her. I couldn’t lose her.” He admits, closing his eyes as the pain surges inside of him.

“She should never know.” You immediately agree. “No, she- she wouldn’t understand.” You do. You would die for your son, you would kill for him. Ellie falls into that same category for both you and Joel. “She’s here now. Safe. No one is going to take her away.”

Joel nods, reaching for your hand to squeeze it. “Thank you. For everything. I never - I thought I would be killed at some point and I didn’t care. It’s why I was vicious. I didn’t care if I died but I do now. I want to be here for you and the kids. I love you. I love you.” He rasps, opening his eyes to look at you.

His vow warms you through. Squeezing his hand back, you smile. “I love you too.” You promise softly. “I was so worried about you two, even as busy as I was with Alex. We walked to the gates every day.”

He leans in to nudge his nose against yours, “I missed you both every day. Kept me going. Even when I was on my deathbed.” He says as he brushes his lips against yours, gives you a chance to pull back but he wants you, wants to reassure himself that he’s home.

“I’m glad it wasn’t your death bed.” You whisper against his mouth and press closer to him. “You’re home, Joel.”

He reaches for your waist, dragging you closer to press his lips a little harder against yours, his stomach twisting with a sudden need for you. He needs to feel you, to know that he’s home. He’s back with his family. His tongue is about to slide into your mouth until he pulls back. “Where’s Alex?” He asks, wanting to make sure the baby is okay.

“He’s asleep.” You explain softly. The bassinet is in the nursery, making sure that he wouldn’t be disturbed if he wants to sleep. “The baby’s room is right across the hall.”

He nods, reassured that you can hear the baby if he wakes up, and he presses his lips against yours again, his tongue immediately sliding into your mouth with a groan. His fingers digging into your waist as he slides his tongue against yours, his cock twitching under his towel.

You groan into his mouth, desperate to be close to him. To know that this emotion is real, that his promise that he loves you is real. Joel has never touched you, just you touching him when you made Alex, so you want to feel his hands on you.

He shifts to lay you down on the bed, pleased for be touching you like this in an actual bed. “Baby, can i- I want to taste you.” He murmurs, kissing along your jaw as he shifts to straddle you as you shift up the bed to settle against the pillows as he follows your body.

“You can- anything you want.” Joel wants you. It makes your entire body vibrate in pleasure and you bite your lip. Your body has changed since giving birth, he’s seen all of you but you don’t know how he will like the changes.

Joel kisses along your neck, breathing you in and he reaches for the hem of your shirt, dragging it over your head. Your nursing bra is exposed and he wastes no time reaching behind you to unclip it and drag it off of your body. “Jesus.” He hisses when he sees your tits, swollen with milk for his child, and he feels a little feral. “Fuck. Are they sensitive?” He asks before he touches them.

“Not bad.” You murmur, running your fingers through his hair. “They have been toughened up by your son.” You tease. “You can touch them.”

He smiles for a second before he gently cups your breast, lifting it up so he can lean down and take your nipple into his mouth. A squirt of milk enters his mouth and he doesn’t care, it’s natural and your moan of pleasure has his cock twitching.

It’s completely differing having Joel suck on your breasts. The feeling of it making your cunt clench. “Oh god.” You whimper quietly. “The midwife- she- I’m on birth control.” You explain. You don’t know how they had done it, but they had means of birth control here and the old doctor had taught the midwife.

He groans into your flesh at that news, glad that he won’t get you pregnant again so soon after you’ve had Alex. “Are you cleared for sex?” He asks, “are you comfortable? If not, we can - I am happy to just hold you.” He says as he pulls off of your breast to look at you.

“Don’t you dare stop now.” You pant as you look down at him. “I want you. I wanted you the entire time I was carrying Alex.”

He groans, "thank God. Really wanna touch you again. Wanted to when you were pregnant but I didn't think you wanted me like that." He admits and leans down to take your nipple back into his mouth. His hands slide down to your leggings, pushing his hand in to find your wet cunt and he groans around your nipple as he finds your clit.

You are in heaven, loving the attention. His fingers are thick and calloused on your clit, making you moan his name out softly. You don’t want Ellie to hear and give you shit later, so you bite your lip.

His fingers rub your clit, groaning your name as he discovers how wet you are, and his fingers slide lower to push inside of you. He is gentle, wanting to make sure you’re comfortable.

You whine his name again, loving how tender he is being. It’s as if he wants to make sure this time, only the second time you’ve slept together, is special.

He groans as your walls flutter around his digits and he desperately wants to make sure this time is slow. You’re in control now. No one is holding a gun to your head and he needs you to be all in and enjoy this. Especially with the love that has grown between you. “Baby, need to taste you.” He murmurs as he reluctantly withdraws his fingers from inside of you and he hooks them in your leggings to drag them down your body along with your panties. Once both items are tossed on the floor, he gently spreads your thighs and he leans in to nudge his nose against your thigh, kissing along the sensitive flesh as he breathes you in.

You nearly pass the fuck out. Overwhelmed by just his breath near your cunt. You’ve not had someone go down on you since before the outbreak. “You don’t have to.” You pant, but Joel just huffs lightly against your folds. “I want to.” He insists before he takes a teasing lick of your cunt to taste you.

His groan reverberates through your body as his tongue pushes deep inside of your pussy, groaning your name as he pushes your thighs back to get access to more of you. He’s hungry for you after the first taste and the sound of your moan has him grinding into the mattress. “Fuck. You taste good.” He murmurs before he resumes flicking his tongue over your clit until he’s sucking it between his lips.

Your head tilts back into the pillow, eyes closed as you just feel the way that Joel is taking you apart. Swipe after swipe of his clever tongue until he pulls your clit into his mouth to make you gasp. "Oh fuck." You moan, unable to stop the way your hips roll down. "It's so- fuck, I don't ever remember it being this good. Fuck, Joel."

His fingers dig into your hips and he groans your name into your wet flesh, his hand shifting slowly to circle your entrance. His digits caressing your folds to give you a second in case you don’t want his fingers and just want his tongue but when you moan out “please” he eagerly pushes two inside of you.

You feel full. Not nearly as full as you remember his cock inside you, but better than your fingers. “Joel, baby, fuck, I love your hands.” You whine. “So fucking big. Imagined them on me so many times.”

He loves hearing that you’ve imagined him because he’s imagined you too. So many times. “Baby. Shit.” He hisses as he curls his fingers and resumes sucking on your clit. He wants to hear you cum. He desperately needs it.

His attention being focused on you is nearly too much. Whining as he continues to pull you apart, your fingers twist into the bedsheets and you moan wantonly.

Your moans echo sweetly in his ears and he pumps his fingers a little faster. “That’s it, baby.” He murmurs against your wet flesh before he’s lapping at your clit again. The sounds so sweet and he needs you to cum for me.

It doesn’t take too long before he throws you over the edge. Making you cry out in pleasure as your vision goes white and your entire body lights up as heat floods it.

He groans at the flood of your cum on his fingers, soaking them as you clamp down and he’s eager to push them into his mouth but he also needs to work you through your orgasm. He gently laps at your clit, working you through it before he withdraws his fingers, pushing them into his mouth as you pant against the sheets.

“Joel.” You whimper his name and nearly melt into the bed. “Holy shit, holy shit, you- that was amazing.” You pant out with a giggle. You had expected Joel to want a blow job, not to make you cum. “I- I want you inside me.” You confess, feeling slightly greedy after that.

He nods, needing that too and his wet fingers grip the sheets as he climbs up your body. Your fingers grab his shoulders to caress his skin. His cock is hard and throbbing against your inner thigh as you eagerly spread your legs wider for him. His eyes meet yours, wanting to make sure you want this and when your hungry eyes focus on him, he has his answer. He reaches between you to grip his cock, positioning himself at your entrance and he slowly pushes into you, groaning at the wet heat that envelops his cock. “Fuck.” He gasps, turning his head to press his lips against yours as he slowly pushes into you.

It’s even better than the first time. Both of you want this. Both of you need this. You kiss him back, moaning into his mouth while you wrap your arms around him. Pulling him closer until he is firmly embedded, buried to the hilt in your warmth.

He slides his tongue against yours, taking a moment to kiss you while he’s buried inside of you, not moving. Savoring this moment, something he wasn’t sure he’d get to have since he nearly died several times trying to return to you. He takes a moment until it’s too much and he has to move. His hips move back slightly until he pushes into you again, slow and unhurried.

It’s slow, methodical. Love making in every sense of the word. Every rolls of his hips is softened by your own arch, meeting him as your legs tighten around the back of his thighs. He lets his weight down onto you slowly when he pushes his arms underneath your body and you love the feel of him. Surrounding you and completely overriding all your senses.

You feel like home. That’s the only way Joel can describe this feeling. He feels like he’s back where he belongs and his heart pounds in his chest. His hips press against yours as he rocks into you, deep and slow.

Your lips press together and your tongues tangle while he slowly fucks you. Unless Alex wakes up or Jackson is attacked, there’s nothing stopping you from taking all the time in the world. Your fingers drift up and down the planes of his back, feeling the muscles moving.

He kisses along your jaw, loving the way you clench around him when he adjusts his hips. He’s trying to find that spot that makes you moan but he’s in no rush. Joel feels safe and secure for the first time in years and he desperately wants to cling to that feeling. His hips pushing deep again and when you cry out against his cheek, he grins in victory and focuses on that same angle.

When he’s determined, Joel doesn’t stop. When he finds that spot, he presses against it again and again, groaning at the way you squeeze him in response. You could sob from how good it feels, but you don’t want to make him think for a second you regret this.

Every rock of his hips has him hinting that spot and he grabs your breast, squeezing it and he arches so he can bend down to take your nipple into his mouth, gently biting down. “You close?” He asks, needing to know in case you need something else to send you over the edge.

"Fuck yesssss." you hiss, pulling him back down so he can suck on your tit again. Even if you weren't, you wouldn't mind. feeling too amazing for words.

He hums around your nipple, pleased that you’re close as he keeps his thrusts the same angle and speed, feeling you tense beneath him and he knows you’re close. “That’s it baby. That’s it. Cum for me.” He murmurs into your skin.

Your nails dig into his back, but you don't think that he minds. Not the way his thrusts have started becoming harsher. Short and deep, like he's trying to stop himself from cumming before you do. One more thrust and you are crying out wordlessly, unable to even articulate a praise as you fall apart around him.

He loves it. Addicted to this already even after having you when you got pregnant with Alex. He works you through it, rocking his hips and he’s so close. It’s been so long since he was inside of you - of any woman - and it doesn’t take long. A half dozen more thrusts and he’s pushing deep, filling you up with his hot seed after you told him earlier it was safe. His lips pressing against your neck as he pants.

“So good, baby.” You whimper quietly, closing your eyes as you feel him relax against you. His cock is still throbbing inside you and it’s probably the best feeling in the world. “I love you.”

“I love you too baby.” He murmurs, shifting to nudge his nose against yours. He’s so grateful he made it home to you and Alex with Ellie still alive and well. He kisses you softly while he softens inside of you, unwilling to move. He doesn’t want to move from this house, this town. He’s found peace finally and he will fight tooth and nail to keep it. To keep his family safe, he’d do anything. For now, Joel wants to enjoy his serenity and he kisses you with a smile, excited for his future in Jackson. It’s secure and safe…what could possibly go wrong?

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

To Love and To Cherish (II)

Part 10 of my Accidentally on Purpose Series!

Warnings: CNC, oral (f), knife play (he fucks her with the hilt of his knife), bondage, threats, chasing, creepy phonecalls, mild mirror sex, somnophilia, anxiety, fear, angst, cliffhanger.

A/N: Please keep in mind that though this is dark play, everything has been discussed and even practised in advance and is fully consensual.

Hehe

@icannotbetrustedalone 😘

A late lunch is brought to your door after you wake up. You have no idea how Sam knew you were awake, perhaps she'd timed your jet lag that well.

She tells you to enjoy, that her team will be here around dusk to get you dressed for your date.

You smile at that word, knowing that she had no real clue what your husband was really up to.

Later in the day, there’s a knock on your door.

You open it to Sam, with her binder, looking eager.

“Are you ready?” She asks with a smile.

When you nod and open the door wider, she turns her head and nods too, and you blink in surprise when four other women follow her into your room with a lot of different things in hand.

You spot a garment bag, and a makeup kit, another bag has a hair curler sticking out.

They introduce themselves, their specialties are in hairstyles, makeup and nails.

You're out of your depth and you say so, glancing over at Sam for some kind of help.

“Don't worry, we already know what to do based off your preferences.” She explains, “You just have to sit back and enjoy being pampered.”

You guess you could try.

When they're done, you're surprised to see so much of yourself there.

There's a lovely little tiara on your head, your hair in a delicate updo with strands framing your face. The dress- is beyond beautiful, white shimmering fabric, an off shoulder design that makes you feel like a princess.

Your fingers and toes are freshly done in a dark red like you'd requested, so that they can match the red on your lips.

There's a small heel on your silver shoes- safe to run in while still being pretty.

“You guys are amazing.” You say in wonder as you fully assess yourself.

They laugh, happy that you're satisfied.

Sam presents one final thing to you, the one odd thing you'd asked for that wasn't in your binder.

You grin at her, ducking into the ensuite bathroom and tugging the garter out of the box, sliding it on. 

There's a small knife attached to it, and you make sure it's concealed, and easily reachable through the slit in your dress before you step out again.

When they’re finished with some last minute makeup retouches, Sam smiles proudly, and wishes you a very good night, letting you know that they’ll all be leaving you soon, here alone with your husband. 

You can’t help the excited pulse your nether regions give at the reminder, dressed pristinely from head to toe, all for Billy to tear off.

You grin at Sam, walking the small group of women to the door, listening quietly to their plans for the night, encouraging and enjoying their banter, sending them off with a wave into a car waiting for them.

The heavy wooden door closes with a dull sound that echoes through the castle, emphasising your desolation.

You turn, leaning against the door in your shimmery dress, taking in the quiet silence of the place.

There’s a little bit of fear tingling down your spine, the feeling of being truly alone in such a big place, not really knowing where you are, with no means of escape.

You find that it turns you on.

All dressed up, all for him, and you can’t even really leave, a headiness to the realisation, your fear is an aphrodisiac all on its own.

You bite down on the corner of your lip, smiling, pushing yourself away from the door, and decidedly picking a direction to begin your exploration.

You touch everything you see, trailing your freshly done fingertips over every item, examining the feel, appreciating the textures.

The curtains, the lighting fixtures, you examine all of it, a crown on your head that makes you almost feel like you own it all.

You get into the fantasy he’s weaved, becoming the role of the princess he’s cast you in.

You find the throne room first, a flourish of plum and golds, a large red carpet leading to the thrones in question- two- sitting side by side, beckoning you closer. 

You squint, looking up at the massive chandelier that sits in the middle of the room, with little pieces of glass that if cleaned properly, would probably reflect little shards of light. 

You pick the chair on the right, and settle yourself onto it, sighing happily at how comfortable it is, relaxing for a moment, before standing to continue your exploration.

You’re passing the dining room when a phone begins to ring in the distance.

It sends a shiver of fear over you, the dated sound echoing through the halls. You begin searching for it, following the rings of what you assume is an old era phone.

You find the phone on a table at the bottom of the staircase, ruby red, sitting beside a marble statue of a woman, posed with her hand in the air as if to block the light from her eyes.

It keeps ringing until you tentatively pick it up, bringing it to your ear.

“Hello?” You say softly into it.

There’s a voice on the other end, modulated to be unrecognizeable to you, but even that sends a shiver of excitement through you.

“Princess.” The voice says calmly.

You swallow.

“Who is this?”

The voice is deep, each grovel is a tremor in your body.

“I’m just a nightmare, sweetheart. I hope you’re ready for me.”

You shudder, shaking your head.

“Ready for what?”

He doesn’t answer your question.

“You look gorgeous. Prettier than I expected. It’s making me… want.”

You stiffen, taking a breath and looking around, searching the shadows for some sign of a man, lurking in the darkness.

“You can see me?” You ask in a soft whisper, laying the fear on thickly.

“Of course, princess. I’ll be inside soon, we’ll get a nice, long introduction to each other.”

You gasp in surprise, dropping the phone and moving quickly to the doors you passed during your exploration, making sure that they’re locked.

Your hand is on the door separating the kitchen from the gardens- when the lights go out.

You hear your own breath of surprise, your heart pattering in your chest, real fear being awakened inside of you when you realise that this is actually happening.

Everything is still, you’re afraid to move, the darkness becoming honey thick all around you.

Eventually, being still is too much, and you have to force your body to break the stillness around you.

There’s barely a sliver of light, the moon, casting pale streams through the windows. Instinct tells you to stay where you can see, your body backed against the window, eyes peering into the darkness as if it’s alive and coming for you.

You glance down when something shimmery catches your eye, gasping, you realise that the moonlight makes you a bigger target, your dress reflecting its beams in every direction.

It leaves you no choice but to step into the darkness.

You wonder where he is, if hands will just reach out and grab you at any given moment.

It makes your stomach tight, that what you’ve been yearning for is almost within reach.

“Hello?” You call out shyly, voice shaking just a little. You walk softly out of the kitchen, one hand against the wall to guide you, unsure of exactly where you’re going.

Suddenly, a chill runs over the back of your neck, like a soft breath from someone standing just behind you. You turn, waving your hand into the darkness, and finding nothing but air.

You feel so much like prey in that moment, searching for a predator with hunting skills beyond your comprehension.

You’re passing the dining room when your heart freezes in your chest. In the corner of your eye, you can see the silhouette of a dark figure, standing in the moonlit window.

Your breath halts in your throat, turning to face him, the swishing of your dress is louder in your ears.

The mask is- terrifying- white, with the appearance of fractured glass across it, some pieces missing over the cheek area, his real face peeking through.

He raises a hand, and presses a gloved finger to the mouth of the mask.

You turn, and run.

Fuck, this was it, it was really happening. He was here, and he was going to do all the things he promised he would, all the things you’d practised together so that he was sure you were always one hundred percent safe and comfortable.

You’re not very fast, the dress and heels slowing you down

He grabs you at the very moment the lights flick on.

It takes a moment for your eyes to get adjusted, and then you gasp when your back is slammed to a wooden wall behind you, the intricate carvings pressing uncomfortably to your spine.

His hands are on your shoulders, keeping you in place as you look up at him with fear in your eyes.

You finally get a chance to see him fully, all masked up, covered from head to toe in what can only be the most mouth watering look on the planet.

Sure, his suits were divine, but seeing him dressed down like this was a cherry on top of a malevolent cake.

It clings to his skin, the cut of his chest and arms showing through the tight, long- sleeved shirt, tucked neatly into a pair of navy combat pants, and further into boots.

It’s much easier to note where you can see his skin- on his wrists between the sleeve and the glove, his neck, and parts of his face that show through the fractured pieces of his mask.

He’s a work of devastating art, lust incarnate, bringing forth so much delight that you struggle to hide it.

“Please,” you whisper shakily, getting into character, feeling it spark arousal, “Don't hurt me.”

You watch the darkness clouds his eyes, a predator, hidden beneath layers of humanity, finally being set free.

“Oh, princess,” he whispers, leaning in, trailing his gloved thumb over your jaw and cheekbone lovingly, “I am definitely going to hurt you.” 

You gasp at his words, reaching for the weapon strapped to your thigh. It was your turn to give him a surprise.

The dagger is sharp, you made sure of it, wanted it to be real, you wanted to see a genuine look of surprise in his eyes when you finally pressed it to his neck.

Except, he doesn't look surprised at all.

“Leave.” You say, with so much command in your voice that you almost believe you have the power to say something like that to him.

He studies you for a lengthy moment, before he tilts his head back and lets out a deep laugh, and even that, works to seduce you.

His hold is an iron grip on your wrist, and it was a mistake letting him grab you, he’s too strong, and no matter how hard you struggle, you can’t get your hand back.

“This knife is pathetic, princess.” He grabs the hilt, twisting it so that you’re forced to release it or have your wrist twisted too, it clatters loudly in the empty space.

“Is that all you have to fight me off with? No wonder this is so easy.”

You exhale angrily, trying to push him away, your freshly done nails digging into his arms.

He grips your hands, pulling them above your head and pinning them there with one of his.

A soft sound of distress leaves your lips, struggling to get away but your dress is too much of a hindrance, keeping your legs pressed in one place when he moves closer.

“Here, why don’t I show you mine?” He murmurs, reaching with his free hand to pull a significantly larger knife out of his boot.

You gulp, eyeing it wearily as he rubs the handle roughly against your cheek, the hilt is coated in a rubber, with indents to help with grip. He slides it around till it’s pressed to your lips, smearing your lipstick, you angle your head away to avoid it.

“I’m going to fuck you with this,” He promises, leaning in till the mouth of his mask is on your ear,  “Gonna use it to get you ready for my cock.”

“No.” you murmur weakly.

“No?” He teases, “Well why don’t you try stopping me then?” He murmurs, pulling back a little to free you from his hold.

You’re surprised to be free, knowing that it’s just a trick, knowing that he wants to chase you. 

You keep your eyes on his form, watching him observe you as you slowly back away.

“Go on, princess,” He says in such a condescending tone that your knees wobble, “Run away from me.”

When you're far enough away that you know he won't grab you, you turn, pulling your skirts up a little so that you can run.

Heart pounding in your chest you have no idea where you're going or what your plan is beyond running away. You couldn't very well hide in a dress that glimmers when you breathe, you couldn't fight- all you really had in your arsenal was your capacity to get him angrier.

With that in mind, you grab the first heavy thing you can find- the telephone directory- turning and chucking it in his approximate vicinity.

It doesn't slow him down at all, because he grabs your wrist in the next second, pulling you into him.

“No!” You exclaim, swiping your nails across his mask, knocking it askew so that he can't see.

You’re not proud of how hard you stomp his foot next, watching him double over with a low grunt, allowing you to get some distance. 

The phone, you decide, angling your run to get you to the base of the main stairs.

You just make it to the phone- grabbing the glossy handset and raising it to your ear- before he grabs it roughly from you, reaching behind to rip all the important wires out of the back.

You almost can’t do it, wanting to drop to your knees right there and beg him to take you- but you know that deep down you had to see this fantasy fully play out.

He’s angry now, and he shows it by grabbing the entire phone and slamming it to the floor while you watch, backing away in horror, his sleek boot slamming the broken pieces until it’s nothing but ruby shards.

“Who were you going to call, princess? You don’t even know where you are.”

Jesus, you think, helplessly aroused.

The next time you turn away, he wraps an arm around your waist and picks you up.

You kick your feet in protest, scratching at his arms, trying to pry his iron grip off of you but it’s no help, you grunt, and you kick and you wriggle and still he drags your body wherever.

He drops you below the chandelier of the throne room. 

It glitters in your eyes as you try to catch your bearings, sitting up you watch him grab a length of rope from his belt.

You try to scramble back but your dress catches under your feet, making you slip, falling back even more.

He grips one of your wrists while you’re disoriented, and you feel the rope wrap tightly around it. You try to push him off, but he just catches your other hand, wrapping them securely in front of you, knotting them easily.

He stands, and with a strong arm, throws the other end of the rope through a support rung of the chandelier, catching it as it swings toward him.

Then, he pulls, forcing you up onto your knees, your hands suspended in the air, as he moves to secure the rope to the throne nearby.

You struggle, trying to tug your way out, your legs tangled in your dress, stopping you from standing.

“I wouldn’t.” He warns softly, “Pull too hard and it might fall, carving up that pretty body before I’m done.”

He kneels beside you, brushing some of your hair out of your face.

“That would make me, real upset.” He breathes through the mask.

“P-lease.” You beg, turning your head to look at him, relaxing when you realise there was no escaping without hurting yourself.

“God, you're so pretty.” He trails a gloved hand over your cheek, down your chest, the leather is smooth on your skin, you shiver when his hand reaches the top of your dress.

“I almost don't want to hurt you.” his hand smooths over the front of the dress, slipping lower to gently untangle the skirts from your legs, you adjust to let him do so, thinking that it will allow you to stand up.

You turn your head to look at him, examining his eyes through the mask, the way they linger on your body, you don’t even realise what’s been done until you feel his gloved hand slip under your panties and press right to your clit.

The friction is delicious, the smooth leather providing an interesting feel between your thighs. You look down, realising he’s used the high slit of your dress to get under your skirts easily.

“Don’t.” You beg, trying to inch away, “Please.”

“I don’t fucking care what you want, princess.” He grits out harshly, his finger pressing down more firmly, slipping from side to side, the pleasure, trying to force you to shut down your resistance.

“I’m here to steal from you, and I’m going to take everything I want.”

Your breaths become shallow when his finger starts circling your aching bud, you’ve been denying yourself for so long that you feel the sweet burn of pleasure the longer he does it.

You can even feel how wet you are, in the fluidness of his movements. He breathes into your ear, and you find yourself leaning into him to take the weight off of your knees.

“Don’t do this,” You murmur weakly, “Please I’ll do anything.”

He laughs in your ear, slowing his movements to torment you.

“I’m doing you a favour, sweetheart, you should be grateful. At least I have the decency to let you cum before I fuck you with my knife.”

You make a sound of protest, angling away from him.

“No!” You cry.

He doesn’t let you move far, gripping the back of your head, till it’s tilted back, hands suspended above you, his fingers resume their fast movement on your clit.

He’s dextrous, even with gloves on, you can feel the micromovements that succeed in bringing you right up to that edge even faster.

Your eyes roll back in your head, surprised that he’s got you right on edge so soon, though you know you shouldn’t be, this is your husband after all, he knows exactly how to get you off.

The weeks of denial burn, your body not accustomed to orgasm needs an extra push getting there, he presses down even firmer, speeding up.

You groan, unable to stop it, or resist it, your stomach clenched tight with nothing in sight but the precipice of orgasm.

Don’t stop, you beg internally, please don’t stop.

It’s a hollow thing, but strong nonetheless. You breathe shallowly through gritted teeth as you reach your peak, thighs trembling, as you rut yourself helplessly on his gloved fingers.

Too good, needing just a little bit more, thighs sticky with your orgasm, his fingers growing even more messy as you come.

Your vision whites out for a moment, senses evaporating temporarily, you come back to the sound of your own panting, heavy in the room.

You don’t get a chance to look over at him with desperate eyes, he pulls his hand from between your thighs and promptly shoves his drenched fingers into your mouth.

You hum in protest, trying to pull away, but he’s still got that iron grip on the back of your head.

“Taste that slutty little cunt, princess. Remember how wet you get for me when you’re begging me to stop later.”

You can only grunt your denial, with his fingers in your mouth, the taste of leather and your arousal making its point on your tongue.

When he draws his hand back, they come out with heavy strings of saliva that cling to your bottom lip.

“You’ll pay for this.” You whisper hoarsely, your head hanging low. Your arms start to ache a little from the way they’re held above your head.

It’s the wrong thing to say, he grips your hair once more, tugging your head back to an almost uncomfortable position.

“What was that?”

You make a little sound at the way he manhandles you, tilting your head, you look him in the face.

“I said, ‘You'll pay for this.”

He studies you slowly, you watch his eyes flicker as he studies your face. You curl your hands into fists, hoping he lets you down soon.

His laughter doesn't surprise you, but it does make your stomach twist.

“Yeah? Who’s gonna make me pay? You?” He says between small sounds of amusement, reaching back, he pulls the knife from before out of his pocket.

You eye it warily, as he brings the blade up to your line of sight, you swallow, trying to breathe as you examine the wicked edge of the serrated blade.

You go perfectly still when the cool metal of the blade touches your cheek.

“You might be a pretty little thing, but you have no power to make me pay. You’re all mine to do what I want. You can’t stop me.”

You whine pitifully, knowing that his words were true.

He reaches up, cutting the rope and guiding your hands into your lap. By now, they tingle, almost numb but not quite, you sigh in relief, watching him quietly squeeze your arms.

“Don’t be scared,” He says, surprisingly soft for someone who was just running the sharp edge of a knife over your cheek, “I'm sure you'll learn to love taking my cock. Maybe with time, you'll beg me for it.”

“Go to hell.” You utter with as much venom as you can muster.

Behind the mask, you hear his laugh, watching the way he lowers his hand, flipping the knife around so that the hilt points toward you.

You lean away, your dress glittering as you move, feeble bound arms raising to push his hand back as he draws closer.

You don’t get far in stopping him, and in the next moment, you feel the hilt of his blade pressed between your thighs.

Fuck, this was too good.

Your head tips back in bliss, torn between fighting him and begging him to just take you in any way he wanted.

Your husband, the man you loved with almost every atom in your body.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” You whisper on a shaky breath, turning to look at him.

Behind the mask, he huffs, the hand in your hair wraps neatly around your throat.

Pulling you close, looking into your eyes, you can hear his angry breaths behind his mask.

He wriggles the hilt of his knife against your cunt, pleasure swelling in your head at the very touch.

He stands suddenly, sheathing his knife, grips your arm to haul you up. Your legs wobble, almost giving out beneath you before he’s wrapping his hands around your hips to lift you.

With your hands tied together, there’s nothing more you can do than wiggle, shifting your body this way and that, but he doesn’t say a word, dropping you onto one of the thrones in the next moment.

He grabs the rope that's tied to the throne- the one that had been used to pull you onto your knees just moments before- and uses it to secure each hand to either side of you.

You kick your foot out at him, and he simply grabs your ankle, gloved hand trailing up to your thigh for a moment before he bends your knee, pulling your leg over the arm of the throne, and securing your ankle to a point somewhere between the base and the foot that you can't really see.

From there, it's over for you, your other foot is caught just as swiftly, and the next thing you know, you’re tied securely to the throne with your legs opened wide, draped across the arms of the intricately carved seat.

He's silent for a moment, appreciating his work, you tug at the restraints to further reinforce his satisfaction that you can't move.

“Damn. You look like a work of art.”

You frown up at him.

He leans over you, and you finally understand the versatility he has with you in this position. He could fuck your cunt, or your mouth, or even your breasts if he so wanted and you couldn't do a damn thing.

He grips your jaw with one hand, tilting your head up, coming closer, pressing a knee into the open space between your thighs for balance. When he gets close enough, he covers your eyes, and the next thing you feel is his mouth on yours.

It gives you butterflies, the way he presses in firmly, taking with his mouth, his beard scratching softly at your chin and lips. You hum against his mouth, feeling his hold on your jaw tighten for a second before he's shoving his tongue past your lips.

Like he owns you, his kiss consumes your senses, your bound fingers curling into little fists as you enjoy kissing him for a few moments more.

Before you bite down harshly on his tongue.

He pulls away in a split second, back to you as he presses his hand to his mouth. You grin in victory as he tugs the mask sitting on his head back down to his face before turning to face you angrily.

He's slow when he approaches, predatory with his long legs and his cocky attitude.

He drops to one knee in front of you, tilts his head, leaning in.

You hear the loud thud of his hand slamming into the space beside your head long before you've registered what's happened.

It makes you flinch in surprise, despite the fact that he'd practised it with you before. It seems way more sinister now, with his masked persona feeling like a different person altogether.

Naturally, the fear spinning inside of you, only succeeds in making you more aroused. 

“You're such a brat, I almost want to fuck you right now with no prep.” He presses his thumb between your spread legs, ambling slowly over your clothed clit, “I bet I'd make that little cunt cry with how much I stretch her.”

You suck in a slow breath.

“Please don't.”

He pulls his knife out again.

“You don’t really have a choice.” He answers, carefully angling the cool blade between the seam of your panties.

“Don’t move, little girl, or I might accidentally hurt you- on purpose.” He teases, tugging the knife toward him so that your panties are cut through with zero effort.

You sigh in relief when your cunt is finally exposed to the cool air, sticky with arousal, you groan when he tugs your undergarment free.

“Look at that weepy little hole princess- fuck- she’s so empty, isn’t she?”

“Noo” You hum softly, clenching around nothing as he studies your most delicate area.

He moves slowly, almost reverent in his actions, notching the tip of his hilt against your entrance, you feel your lungs seize as the pleasure hits you.

You hiss when he presses in, the ridged hilt stretching you open, not as big as his cock, but certainly larger than his fingers.

You take it as best as you can, relaxing, eyes watering with an abundance of pleasure.

He tilts his head, makes a single click of his tongue.

“She’s so greedy,” He says breathlessly, “Look at that.” He sinks more of the hilt in.

You bite your lip, moaning when he pulls slowly out, pushing in again.

He starts slow, moving softly until you can take all of the hilt. He grips the blade, you wonder if the glove protects him from the sharp edge.

You want to say his name, but he hasn’t given it, so you settle for sniffling, your bottom lip wobbling wetly as he takes his time.

“Stop.” You mewl, trying to stay in character, looking at his masked face, watching his dark eyes look back.

“No, sweetheart,” He says evenly, “I’m going to play with you, until I’m done.”

You suck in a deep breath, holding it.

He quickens his pace just a little, and before you know it, your cunt has locked tight around the hilt of his knife, every blunted ridge of it being imprinted into your head as you see stars.

It’s unexpected, you hadn’t meant to cum, your body jerking helplessly against the restraints, you pant, unable to see straight for a few moments.

You gulp in air, coming back to your senses. He waits patiently for your orgasm to subside, your body to relax before he works the hilt out of your eager cunt.

“You’re so pretty when you do that.” He says, tucking his knife back into his belt, studying you for a moment before reaching up to shove two of his fingers past your lips.

You can’t go anywhere, simply forced to feel him carefully push and pull his fingers in and out of your mouth, the weight on your tongue encouraging your brain to surrender to him.

When he determines his fingers are wet enough, he glides them down your chest, and tugs at the front of your dress.

It takes a little work before his thumb and index find your pert nipple.

A breath of air leaves you, and your back arches involuntarily, begging for more of his touch.

“You like it, huh? Kinda pathetic.”

“Rot in- f- hell.” You grunt, eyes rolling back as pleasure swims in your head from the way he takes his time to play with your nipples.

You feel his hand, drag over your stomach as he chuckles, the rushing sound as he disturbs the fabric of your skirts. Deft fingers rub circles into your inner thigh before a lone finger slips under the silky elastic garter that was holding your little knife.

You watch him assess you, bound arms and spread thighs and his masked face tilts as his eyes meet your centre.

“So pretty.” He mumbles, before he leans in, lifts his mask to the top of his head and lays a gentle lick to the seam of your cunt.

You gasp in surprise, unable to see his face with the mask atop his head, all you can do is feel- the way he licks gently at you, softly, the need burning white hot with each moment he teases. His tongue trails up to your clit, offers you a preview of the pleasure he can give, before placing slow swipes of his tongue over you.

You sigh, the fight leaves your limbs, you feel like jelly above him, with a tongue that can only be described as godly.

There’s no way you can continue fighting past this, his tongue pulls obedience from you, compliance, it makes you willing and eager to let him do whatever he wanted, helpless for your perfect husband.

You let out a slow moan, head tipping back, thighs trembling with the way his tongue moves, gliding over your clit, showing you exactly what he was capable of without ever actually giving you anything.

“Please,” You simper, unable to resist, with the tongue of such a dextrous man working on you.

If he wants to ask you about where your fight went, he doesn’t bother, merely laughing into your heated cunt, the fractures of his pale mask staring back at you.

Almost there, your fingers curl tight, nails pressed to the flesh of your palms as your breathing hastens. 

There’s a rushing in your head, pressure all over, threatening to make you burst apart.

You’re not sure if he knows or cares, his mask moving slightly when his head does, when his tongue, the raving appendage it is, delves through you.

Faster and yet faster, slippery tongue gliding over you, aimed at your oversensitive bundle of nerves, delicate movements of his tongue that are going to unravel you.

His beard rough against your thighs, a wet smacking sound, warm air brushing over you as he exhales, the reminder that he's there, enjoying his time on his knees, unwilling to stop until you've hit that peak.

He presses in closer, his grip on your thighs tightening, firm in their reminder that he’s there- as if you could forget. Your body shakes, soft whines leave your throat, his tongue harsher on your clit.

“I-” You try to say, but your body decides that you’ve spoken enough, you bite down on your bottom lip, every muscle in your body pulled tight.

The first thing you do when your orgasm hits, is tremble.

A sweet fire erupts inside of you, an insurmountable amount of pleasure spreading over you. Your breathing is harsh, heaving, his soft tongue licks you through it, gentle now and soothing between your thighs, no doubt drinking deep of your orgasm.

You press your hips into his face, unable to stop yourself, and he rewards the movement with more careful touches of his tongue.

The rope holding your arms and legs down chafes slightly, protesting your movement, and after a minute, you slump into the chair, boneless and sated.

Your breathing remains harsh, lips wet from being trapped between your teeth, your face is hot, you can feel each time the blood reaches your cheeks, each time your heart contracts in your chest.

You can't hold yourself up and you know it. If you weren't tied up you'd be in a boneless pile.

“Not bad, princess.” He says, warm breath on your thighs. He raises his body to be in your line of sight, the mask still covering his face. 

You feel your nipples tingle, excitement stiffening them as he hovers above you.

He tilts his head to study you, his gloved finger tapping the tip of your nose, sliding down to your parted lips.

“You look real pretty when you come. Your mouth opens and your eyes roll back sometimes- makes me want to do it again and again so I can memorise the way you look.”

It's hard to respond, brain hazy with post-orgasmic bliss, but you have to- you need to.

“Please,” You whisper, “You're not the first man to make me come, and you won't be the last.”

You know you're in real trouble when his hand wraps around your throat.

Your eyes widen, he squeezes hard for a moment, which only succeeds in filling your brain with mindless pleasure. You don't bother trying to breathe, waiting till his grip loosens to take a small breath.

“If you think,” He grunts angrily, leaning in till he hovers over you, “that another man is ever going to touch you, you're more delusional than I thought, princess.”

You can only make a small grunt of protest, gazing angrily up at him.

“And maybe I can't control who touched you before I met you, but I can still gift you their heads.”

It makes your breath stutter in shock.

He releases your throat, pressing the tip of his gloved finger to your bottom lip.

“Tug this off. I want to really touch you now.”

You hold his eyes while your teeth sink into the tip of his glove, biting down on his finger too. He pulls down, dislodging his finger from the glove. You release it, and repeat the process with all five of his fingers, and finally, when they're all loose, you clamp your teeth down on the middle finger of his glove and he pulls his hand free easily.

 It smears your lipstick no doubt, and you probably look quite messy by now, no doubt your hair is askew as well.

He reaches down after he makes you help with his other glove, and you hear the slow drag of his zipper. Nothing has ever sounded so euphoric.

You look up at him with wide eyes to find that he's already looking at you.

His eyes terrify you, so much darkness in them, you wonder how you'd never seen it before.

“Don't do this.” You beg, startling when you feel his hot cock brush your inner thigh.

At the same time, the main lights flicker off, only the small auxiliary lights on the walls glow softly.

The darkness in his eyes grow, until it becomes an extension of the room.

“Just breathe, princess, this is going to hurt.”

It does at first.

Even though you've come three times so far, and he's used the hilt of his knife on you, and also his tongue to help further your wetness, his size still pinches. 

It's been a while, and you feel it in the way he stretches you open, going slow because he knows he's not an easy man to take.

But God, he feels so good.

The pain comes with double the pleasure, that makes your eyes roll back in your head, bound hands curling into fists, nails digging into your palm in an attempt to process the feeling.

He pushes the tip of his cock in, works carefully to fill you, slows down when he encounters resistance.

You take a shallow breath, coming back to your senses a little, looking up at him as he works himself into you.

He rocks his hips, encouraging your body to feel him, to welcome him in, and you have no control over it, surrendering to him easily.

He's so deep you feel it in your throat, a shuddering mess as he bottoms out, you feel tears spring to your eyes, a fullness you've been craving.

Your lips tremble, watery vision glued to the mask, you couldn't look away if you wanted to.

“Should I stop?” He asks, a minuscule tremor of his voice that gives away that he's not as unaffected as he seems.

You can't say the words, the lie too big to be voiced, but you want to keep playing despite how desperately you need him.

You bite down on your bottom lip, nodding softly.

He blinks behind the mask, a tilt of his head to study you. 

Arms braced on either side of you, he leans in till the mask touches your cheek.

“That's too bad.” He murmurs.

Then, he draws out, before pressing into you once more.

You make a small sound, and then another when he does it again, the slow drag of his cock is torture, but that's the best part.

You whine, unable to speak, or voice your frustrations, but he chuckles above you, already knowing that he's not giving you what you need.

It's slow, so fucking slow and yet deep enough to create spots of black in your vision. 

He grunts above you, and the sound goes right down to your cunt, clamping around him for a second before releasing.

“Fuck.” He growls, “You're so tight. I'm going to love coming in you.”

This was it, time to be the best actress possible.

“N-no, you can't! I'm- I'm not-”

His laugh is so dark it sends shivers down your spine.

Deep and low, devastatingly malicious.

“I can’t?” He teases.

You shake your head no quickly, eyes wide in shock and fear.

He pauses his slow movements to look down at you, too enraptured to focus on two things at once.

“Who’s going to stop me, princess? You?”

You struggle against your bindings helplessly.

“It's okay, we both know you'll learn to like it.”

With those words, he resumes his slow pace.

It's not fair, barely realistic you've never had an orgasm creep up on you like this.

You don't understand, his cock is moving slow, and yet all your pleasure spots are sparking. Is it his size? Or maybe he just knows your body so well that he can force an orgasm so sweet out of you that it almost hurts.

But you can feel every spark, every short circuit of your brain, your toes curl, and your back stiffens, and the dangerous man above you draws it out, wringing each drop of pleasure before moving to the next.

“Perfect.” He whispers, almost sounding out of breath, and when your chest begins to burn, he delivers one harsh thrust of his cock that makes you topple like a house of cards.

A moan leaves your mouth on every other breath, unable to control your vocalisations, or even your breathing, clamped so tightly around him that he makes a low grunt before you feel him spill inside of you. It makes it that much better, knowing that he's hit his peak at the same time you have.

You come back to your senses slowly, his mask coming into focus.

Each breath eases the burning pleasure, replacing it with sweet euphoria, a drug like never before.

He’s panting too, trembling a little, no doubt struggling to stay upright after his first orgasm in six weeks.

And here you are, about to taunt him for it.

“Is that it?” You ask softly.

You’re a little unprepared for the way his eyes scald you.

“Is my cunt that good?” You continue to tease.

He closes his eyes, takes a slow breath to calm himself.

When he looks at you again, you know you're in a lot of trouble.

He leans away, reaches for his knife before slowly cutting the ropes free from around your ankles.

You hiss when he frees your arms, noticing that there's the impression of the rope on your wrists, you rub them as you right your legs, moving them from their previously spread state.

He watches you, and you do the same warily.

“Stand up.”

You gulp, pushing yourself onto wobbly legs, you sway for a moment, before looking over at him expectantly.

He’s still wearing the mask, but by now you’re aching to see his face, you wanted to see your husband while he did these wicked things to you.

He tilts his head toward the door, and your eyes follow the motion, not understanding until he speaks.

“Get out.”

Your head swivels back to him.

“Go, before I change my mind.”

This was another game, you realise, you’d made him mad, and he was going to show you exactly how helpless you were.

You back away, like always, keeping your eyes on his. You can feel his cum, smearing the inside of your thighs as you move. It only makes you more aroused.

You smooth your dress out anxiously, looking down at the shimmery material, and then back up at him, slowly backing away until you’re far enough that he won’t grab you from behind.

When you make it to the door, he’s still standing where he was, looking at you in the dimly lit room.

You can feel your heart in your throat with the fear of everything around you, a sinister ambience, the thrill of being chased.

Outside is dim as well.

The main lights are off. All you have to go on are the smaller lights along the walls.

You don’t get too far from the throne room before all the auxiliary lights flicker off as well.

The darkness squeezes at your heart, a shiver going down your spine. Your eyes struggle to adjust to the distinct nothingness.

The room is still, quiet around you but you can feel him everywhere. It’s like he’s the darkness surrounding you, touching your skin, depriving you of everything except himself.

It’s why you’re not surprised when you feel him at your back.

His hand reaches around, grips your throat and uses the leverage to pull you back. He isn’t gentle, squeezing at the sides harshly to ensure you’re paying attention to him, as if you could ever be distracted.

His bare hand, warm, coarse, thumb and middle finger pressed to either side of your neck. You go lightheaded at the sensation.

You feel his nose press into your hair, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear and you realise he’s taken his mask off.

“I change my mind.” He whispers darkly, laughs when you struggle.

You pull out of his grip, and you run as fast as your legs can take you.

He doesn’t chase, and you make it a good distance away, tucking your body behind a wall to catch your breath. You don’t know where you are, but you assume it’s somewhere near the front doors. The pins in your hair are uncomfortable, and you take your time tugging the little tiara out of your hair, dropping it to the floor.

You can feel his cum, making an even bigger mess, and the implications of that only succeed in heightening your arousal.

The sound of his knife, dragging against the wooden panels on the walls catch your attention. You lift your head, a tug of desire pulls below your navel.

“You know, the first time I met you, really met you, I couldn't believe you were real.” He says, his voice carrying through the quiet hallway.

“You looked at me, and you listened, and all I could think about was how to get you alone, away from that useless boyfriend of yours.”

Your lips part, head pressed to the wall, eager to hear his words, your heart drumming in your chest.

“And when you left me that night, I went back to my lonely apartment, and I found out everything I could about you. I didn’t sleep. I needed to find something to hate- something that would help me stop obsessing over a girl I’d met one time.”

His voice gets closer and you know you have to move, or else he was going to find you. 

Quietly, you kick your shoes off, abandoning them so that your steps can be quieter, you lift your skirts slowly, trying to stop the swishing sound it makes.

“You know what I found? Nothing. Nothing could make me hate you, nothing could stop what you started when you smiled at me, all of it made me want you.”

Your heart hammers even more with his words.

“And while I was trying to come up with a plan to make you mine, I’d been yours for ages.”

You stop, turning to his voice as he says that last part, wanting to go to him, to hold him, to tell him the secret you’d been keeping for weeks- that you were his too.

“Don’t fret too much about it though, princess. There’s no need to worry, I’ll feel all better once you come on my cock.”

You gasp, backing away, one hand behind you to stop you from bumping into anything. He was absolutely insane in the best way.

You can’t see a damn thing, feeling your way around to find the entrance you’d come through, your breathing is loud in your ears, you’re sure he can hear you.

You were conflicted. You wanted to run towards the scary man hiding in the darkness, though you know it would be worth your while to run away.

“You want me so bad?” You taunt into the darkness, “You’ll have to catch me first.”

Skirts in hand, you follow the first light you see- the moonlight streaming through the kitchen windows, the feel of the carpet runner helps you move in a straight line, and the next thing you know is that you’re at the foot of the stairs.

You look back, trying to make shapes out of the darkness, but there’s nothing there, you turn and begin your ascent.

You don’t know where he is, he could be two feet or two inches behind you and you wouldn’t know.

Your body is warm from the adrenaline, the dress constricts your breathing.

You stop for a second time when you find what you think is a tea room.

There’s a large wooden table sitting in front of an equally large window, the moonlight streaming in allows you to see that there’s a wall of mirrors on one side of the room. On the other side, is a smaller round table with a porcelain teapot, and other matching dishes.

“Surprise.” He says from right behind you, and you swear your heart jumps right out of your chest.

Before you can turn to look at him, your cheek is pressed to the large table, one hand behind your neck, the other pulls your skirts up.

When he has your ass exposed, his hand comes down hard on your soft flesh. You cry out.

“That’s for all your mouthing back.” He grunts, before spanking you again.

It hurts, stings so sweetly, you try to rise but his hand is firm on the spot between your neck and shoulder.

When he’s satisfied, he reaches down between your legs.

He clicks his tongue, his fingers swiping through the mess between your thighs.

“Look at the mess you made. Don't you have any kind of consideration for how hard I worked to put my cum in you?”

You feel him move, you assume to take his cock out. Your suspicions are confirmed when you feel him kick your legs wider, pressing his tip to your entrance.

You mewl helplessly when he enters you.

Stretched once more, he feels bigger in this position, his pace is harsh, fucking into you meaningfully, your eyes roll back in your head, spit slipping from past your lips as your face is kept pressed to the table.

You feel a sharp tug and your dress loosens, too pleasure drunk to figure out why.

The glide of his cock quells your urge to fight, your body sparking, electrified at the feeling of him.

He pulls you upwards, and the front of the dress sags, exposing your front to the air.

“Look at us.” He growls into your ear, turning your head to the mirror, you see your bodies reflecting back. Him, in his tight shirt and open pants, you with your beautiful shimmering dress caught between your bodies and hanging off your shoulders. It’s the first time for the night that you see his face, and your eyes are locked on how handsome he looks, hair askew, filling you with his magnificent erection.

He’d cut the back of your dress, you realise absentmindedly, your full breasts on display for him because of that, a small sound leaving your chest as he enters you again.

“We’re perfect together.” He acknowledges, you internally agree.

He presses his lips to your shoulder, meeting your eyes in the mirror, his teeth flashing for a second before he bites you.

You cry out, the sweet burn of it only succeeds in making you want him more and more.

He doesn’t stop when you come, only slows for a moment to help you catch your breath before he continues.

“All mine now, princess.” He affirms, his hips slapping against yours, filling you till your vision blurs.

Deeper than ever, you feel his cock press securely to your cervix, eager to have him fill you with his cum.

You take a shuddering breath, so close to another orgasm, unable to think about anything with the way he feels.

Your nails claw at the table, willing your body to take him, your perfect husband, giving you just what you need. He groans above you, enjoying you almost as much as you enjoy him.

The pleasure builds, swimming in your head, worsening with each move of his cock inside of you. He holds nothing back, all of his energy is focused on filling you as hard and as fast as he can, leaving nothing behind but hot, near blistering, rapture.

You cry out when you come, body shuddering, a loud roaring in your head. He grunts loudly, following you over the edge, filling you with even more of his hot cum.

After a moment, he draws out of you, helping you stand, he gently pulls your dress off, discarding it on the ground, he reaches to scoop your swaying body into his arms.

You’re sated, unable to lift your head. You feel him rest you gently on a soft, cool bed.

The sheets are amazing on your overstimulated skin, and you peek your eyes open to watch him pull his tight fitting shirt over his head.

In the low light, your eyes find his tattoo, you smile softly as it ripples, watching him kick his shoes and pants off too, until he’s hovering above you, naked.

“You’re so gorgeous.” You whisper dreamily, raising a hand to press it to his cheek.

He lets out an air of amusement, he reaches around, gripping one of your legs to wrap it around his hip.

“Only the best for you, princess.” He hums, before you feel him push his cock into you once more.

You fall asleep to him fucking you, your adrenaline crashes after countless orgasms, and before you know it you’re out. You wake a few hours later to find him inside you once more.

You moan his name, your body still eager and receptive to him, having craved this side of him for so long.

“Messy pile of wife.” He grunts into your ear mid-thrust, “Just like I promised.”

There’s so much of his cum slipping out, you can feel it, you can’t wait for him to top you up with more.

He kisses your cheek, licks a stripe through the tears slipping from the corner of your eyes.

“Cum for me. One more time, baby.”

You gasp, nodding, head filled with cotton, floating in the clouds, lost in his essence.

You blink hazily after you feel the smooth metal plug slip in, soothing you with its coolness, arousing you with the reminder that he’s filled you to the brim.

You’re pressed against him, his hand wrapped securely around you. He stretches to reach something on the bedside table.

You’re almost asleep when you feel him slip your ring back onto your finger.

It makes you complete, eases any lingering worry.

“I love you, Billy.” You murmur, before you finally let sleep take you.

.

It wakes him up.

He blinks in shock, turning to look at you.

You’ve already fallen asleep, breaths even with your left hand pressed to his chest.

Had you really just said what he thinks you just said?

He considers shaking you awake, desperate to hear you say it again. To tell him what he’s been dreaming of for years.

What if it was a mistake? His mind asks.

His stomach drops.

What if you didn’t really mean it?

He swears he breaks his own heart in the moments after you say those four words.

He stays awake for a while, trying to memorise your words, the way you said them, the way they made him feel. He tries to learn the hour and the minute and the position of the moon in the sky at the very moment the words left your mouth.

He wonders if he’ll ever hear them again, wonders if this would be the only time in his life that you say these words to him.

If this is all he gets, he decides he’s going to cherish it.

“I love you too.” He whispers, with everything he has.

.

You’re curled up against him the next morning having breakfast when you finally take the time to examine your ring.

Your body is sore, having been fucked thoroughly, but you were a little proud to see the litany of scratches over the expanse of Billy’s back. You weren’t the only one marked last night.

You raise your hand to offer him a piece of your buttered croissant, he eagerly takes a bite.

“My ring looks the same. What did you change?” You ask, reaching for more jam.

“The inside.” He says with his mouth full.

You smile, pulling it off your finger to see what’s there. On the silver surface on the inside, you can see something engraved. At first you think it’s words, but as you bring the ring closer to your face you realise it’s numbers.

“I’m still confused.” You state.

He makes a little hum, having just swallowed his food.

“If you go to my bank, and show them this ring, and give them your fingerprint, you can withdraw from any of my personal accounts.”

You blink, your eyebrows drawing together.

After a moment you give him a confused look.

He chuckles, reaching up to cup your face, his thumbs smoothing over your tense eyebrows, encouraging them to relax.

“Any amount, little wife, any time.” He elaborates.

You blink in shock.

He was… giving you access to his money?

“Is that safe?” You ask warily.

“Planning to take all my money?” He teases.

“No! But- what if someone steals the ring… or… kidnaps me and forces me to take it?”

“That will never happen.” He promises, his fingers tightening on your cheek to reinforce his words, “As long as I’m breathing, and even if I’m not, you will always be safe.”

“You can’t stop breathing,” You fight back, leaning in to wrap your arms around him, “I won’t let you.” The words are muffled against his shirt.

He laughs.

“Noted.”

.

He grunts, his fingers curling over yours as they grip the back of the soft couch.

“Hold on.” He commands, just as he slides his amazing cock into your body.

You make a soft sound of delight, tipping your head back to rest on his chest. He groans into your ear, fucking up into you slowly and thoroughly.

His skin is hot, having spent the morning of the second day exploring the gardens outside, only to come back in and ravish you on the sitting room couch.

His left hand drops down, thick fingers find your swollen clit.

“Sing for me. Let me hear you, wife.”

You whine, the sensation of his fingers rolling over your clit makes your legs shake.

“Gonna take my cum like a good girl?” He grovels in your ear.

You bite down on your bottom lip, nodding, seeing stars as he rubs your clit with more fervour.

“Fucking perfect.” He moans, and the words go right to your cunt, setting you off.

He growls in your ear when you clench around him, it only makes your orgasm last that much longer, eager to have him cum, you roll your hips on his cock.

It succeeds in working him into a frenzy, and you’re face down, with your ass in the air in the next moment.

He licks your slit harshly before his cock slides right back in, moving faster, his hips set a brutal pace, your next orgasm is like a gunshot.

He falls beside you after he comes, out of breath with a dopey grin on his face.

“What is it?” You ask curiously.

“Nothing really,” He gasps, “I just feel really fucking good.”

You smile shyly, leaning up to kiss him.

.

You’re whisking eggs for french toast when his arms wrap around you.

He presses his nose into your hair, breathing in your soft smell.

“Morning.” He grovels into your ear, feels your body shiver.

“Hello Mister Russo. Sleep okay?’

He chuckles, remembering the feel of your lips around his cock as he came last night. Fuck, you were delightfully insatiable.

“Like a rock,” He confirms, “Join me for a bath?”

“Yeah,” You agree, “Let me finish this batch and I’ll be right there.”

“Don’t keep me waiting, little wife.” He whispers as he pulls back, reaches for an apple sitting in the basket nearby, taking a slow bite.

“I won’t. Love you.” You say absentmindedly.

Billy stops.

He turns to stare at your back in shock. You continue moving as if you haven’t said anything strange.

“What was that?” He asks.

You raise your head to glance at him.

“I’ll be right there.”

“No, the last part.”

You blink, a look of confusion on your face.

“I… love you?” 

The room goes still, the only sound is the french toast as it sizzles.

“You love me?” He asks, his heart getting heavier and lighter at an alarming rate.

“Yeah? I-I said it to you on our first night. You- you said it back.”

He did remember saying it back.

“I thought you said it accidentally.”

You pause, reaching to turn the stove off, before facing him.

“You thought my tongue slipped and I told you I loved you without meaning it?”

Billy swallows.

“I thought the number of orgasms had gotten to your head and you were saying things that might not be totally true.”

Your eyebrows raise in realisation.

“It was true. I’ve been… feeling like that for a while.”

“Like you love me.” He says dumbly.

You nod your head.

“Like I love you.” You confirm.

This wasn’t an outcome Billy had ever seen coming. Sure, he’d been hoping for fondness, that he could give you a comfortable life and you could be content by his side.

But love?

Unthought of.

“Why the fuck would you love me?” He whispers, horrified.

He’d done so many bad things, ruined your life in so many ways.

You take a careful step in his direction.

“What’s not to love? You’re smart, and strong and you go after what you want-”

“-One of those things was you.” He argues.

You laugh. He wasn’t joking.

“Yeah, how I got here wasn’t the best, but, I’m glad I am, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

He takes a step toward you, and then another, and then his arms are pulling you into a soul crushing hug.

“You love me.” He murmurs into the top of your head.

“Yes,” You reply, holding him just as tightly, “I do.”

.

“Where are we anyway?” You ask on the fourth night.

He raises his head from between your thighs.

“Europe.” He answers vaguely, before dropping his head to lap gently at your clit once more.

You smile happily, leaning back against the library desk.

“Billy?”

“Mmm?” He hums from between your thighs.

“I love you.”

You feel the breath he lets out before he pulls back. 

He kisses you, lips wet with your arousal, a tart taste on your tongue that makes you smile when he pulls away.

“I’ll show you how much I love you.” He mumbles, dropping to his knees once more.

.

Coming back to his apartment after that had felt surreal.

Like it was all a dream, the fucking best dream you’d ever had.

You’d been given a letter from your mother at the front desk, and you’d happily dropped it to the floor the minute Billy had pulled you into his arms for a slow kiss.

It was… magical, your fingers glazing through his beard, gripping his hair, the next thing you know you’re being lifted and taken to his bedroom.

The fire hadn’t left either of you, burning, sizzling sparks each time you touched, each time you held his hand or kissed his cheek.

He was all over you, inside and out, claiming you in a way you knew deep down would never be done by another.

“My wife.” He groans into your ear when he comes. 

You pant, reaching up to kiss him, legs wrapped tightly around his hips to keep him inside of you for as long as possible.

Your husband.

.

He leaves you in the early morning of the next day. It’s training day and he wants to get there early to get a jump on what he’s missed.

He kisses a path between the valley of your breasts down to your womb before he leaves, dressed in a crisp charcoal suit. You grin happily as you fall back asleep.

Later, when it’s time for you to leave for work, you find that manila envelope your mom had sent you sitting on the kitchen counter. Billy had probably picked it up from the floor where you had left it yesterday when he was leaving for work earlier.

You reach for it after you’re done hopping around to tug your heel on.

It’s unopened, so you take your time peeling it open, wondering what it was. Last time it had been a bunch of recoloured family photos, you assumed this was probably more of the same.

It’s not, it’s a stack of papers. At first, it’s odd things like flyers for bikes, and a bouncy castle rental ad. You flip through, a little concerned that your mother might be losing her mind.

Your face falls when you flip another page, and find what’s really been sent.

SUPREME COURT OF THE STATE OF NEW YORK

You could feel your heart turn to ice.

You see your name printed under Plaintiff, and under Defendant, is Billy’s. Most of your information has been filled out, including your fucking social security number. Most of Billy’s information is missing, only his real name is there.

Then you see it.

‘The grounds for dissolution of the marriage are as follows:’

Divorce papers.

These were divorce papers.

.

.

.

A/N: DON'T HURT ME THANKS

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

You're waiting for a train...(10)

You knew?

Robert Fischer x reader

description - Y/n is left alone to be confronted with her greatest fear.

word count - 1.7k

warnings - attempted SA, attempted r*pe, offensive language, tears, major angst.

a/n - this is a very important and angsty chapter.

Previous Part Series Master list Master list

If you want to be added to the taglist - here

“You’re in a dream, honey.”

Once the words had been whispered there was no way I could take them back. Each syllable had put a target on our backs and as I saw the realisation alight in Robert’s eyes, we simultaneously felt constricting gazes begin to penetrate the three of us.

I took deep breaths, refusing the desire to turn around to meet their eyes. My hand had remained on the back of Roberts neck. It had started as a sign of comfort but as my nails gripped tighter it became a warning. ‘Don’t look at them. Look at me.’.

“Darling,” My dads voice broke through my façade and pierced a vein which released all new gushes of anxiety. “Go. Take some off our tail. Give us two minutes.” I understood my fathers request and it’s logic was sound but still I could not move. My feet were planted next to Robert’s and that’s where I needed to be. I feared for his safety more than mine. I had been under attack more times than years I’ve lived. But he had no experience of combat and his danger could mean a one way ticket down to limbo. I stroked my fingers through the hairs at the nape of his neck. This gesture was caught in my dads steely gaze and his demeanour became stern. “Now!” Upon daring to look up at him I found no room for argument.

I reluctantly left the warmth of his body to stand. I fixed my dress as if it would right everything else. I swiftly turned on my heel to leave the bar. The purposefulness of my walk was bound to attract others, as I had left my subtlety in favour for a bright red danger sign. My heels clicked down the hallway and I picked up on several presences beginning to manoeuvre in my general direction. None explicitly heading my way except one pair of footsteps which I could feel breathing on the back of my heels.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

*Arthur’s pov*

I walked beside Ariadne ready to assemble the team for the next layer. My eyes darted around on the watch for behaviour that would cause suspicion or warrant action. I also looked for Y/n.

We had reached the elevator and were waiting for it to arrive. But when I looked to my left I spotted Y/n. She was walking towards us in a manner of confidence. She didn’t blend in. She stood out. All eyes flocked to her unusual presence as she strutted down the hallway with an apparent presupposed destination.

The mark had been made aware of the dream; the projections were alert. This was not the time for anyone to be walking alone. Even Saito was with Eames. I had Ariadne. Cobb swore he’d stick with Y/n. So why did she leave? Unless she didn’t of her own volition.

I assessed her situation, analysing every eye that was solely fixed upon her. She was heading into the bathroom which seemed an unusual move. The soles of her feet picked up quicker and it seemed adrenaline spiked her blood to speed her forward in a speed out of the norm. Her body seemed desperate to remove itself from an unknown threat. I couldn’t discern the logic of any of her actions until she turned the corner to open the door.

My fist clenched but before I could move I was dragged into the now waiting elevator by a bustle of people wanting in. I loudly cursed.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

*your pov*

The heavy door pushed back against my bones, but I was forceful and nearly threw my whole body against it. I practically collapsed inside the room, stumbling in my heels which burned. My breathing quickened and I had to grip the edge of a sink to ground myself once again. There was no time. There was no time. But Dad needed time. Robert needed time. I could give them time.

My heart jumped through my bones as the familiar creak of the door sounded once again. I refused to meet his gaze in an admittance of surrender. His steps got louder until he’d gripped my arm to throw me around to face him. He slammed his pelvis into my own making my back crash into the sinks edge. I cried out feeling the burn through my muscles. My legs begged to give out but they only managed to slide around on the tiles as he gripped my other arm.

“Who do we have here, ey?” His words poured out of his mouth like slime. A build-up of saliva decorated his teeth like tinsel and formed fangs when he separated his gums. I winced in disgust as he leaned down closer to my body. He found purchase in my neck and inhaled deeply. My arms struggled fruitlessly knowing no amount of strength would ever be enough for me now. A tear dripped down my cheek over my expressionless face. It was the only way I knew.

“Not a talker.” He spat out both literally and figuratively. “Don’t matter.” He pulled me up using my elbows as handles. As limp as a ragdoll meant it was easy for him to throw me against one of the closed toilet doors. “I have a much better use for that mouth of yours.” His grin consumed his entire face.

At the throw my head thwacked back with the reverberated force and for a moment I prayed that I would not have to be awake for what was to come. But the darkness never came, and it never would. There was no way out.

I felt his grimy fingers grip my shoulders in a pushing motion. Staging my limp frame in a kneeling position. My eyes burned with tears through their tight close. He used his fingers to stretch out my cheeks, taunting me of what was about to happen. My skin ached at the movement. His thumb entered my mouth and danced across my rows of teeth. I gagged at the intrusion. “Now, now. No biting.” I resigned myself with one last influx of tears until my ducts had dried fully.

The sound of a ripping door startled the man and he barely had chance to look for the intruders before he was punched square in the eyes. He toppled down next to me and I flinched away before any of him could touch me anymore. My tears blurred my saviour but I pushed them away and I managed to catch a glimpse of Robert standing over me with a hand reached out. I fearfully took his hand and my shaking seemed to stop once we were linked. He helped me up and checked me over. He was careful with his hand placements fearing a reaction to any sudden movement. My body unconcsciously leaning towards his in search of comfort was all the confirmation he needed to wrap me up in his arms. My head relaxed onto his chest but my arms remained tightly held to my chest looking as if rigor mortis had set in. He tucked his chin on the top of my head and delivered a light kiss. No words were spoke about it. He stroked through my locks and the consistent feeling slowed my racing heart.

Through all of this, my dad was searching my attacker for weapons.

“Your daughter was just – what the fuck was that?” Robert shouted through his breathy confusion. But his arms never left my frail frame.

Without looking up from the body, my father answered. “Projections usually react to attack whatever subject is put in front of them,” He gestured up to myself and Robert looked at me and his gaze held pure anger. “Projections are actually one of the weakest parts of the dream and can only focus on one threat at a time…”

“You knew?” I whispered, raising my head from Roberts embrace. “You fucking knew.” Rage began to build up in my veins and I separated so I could stalk towards his uncaring stance.

He still would not look me in the eyes. “Did you know?” I shoved his shoulder. “Look at me. Did you fucking know?” I used both hands to childishly bang on his back in a tantrum. “LOOK AT ME!”

He spun around to meet me. He raised so he towered over me. I shrunk in this unfamiliar gaze. “Yes.” My lip shook when the tears fought to climb out once more. I’d never cried more in this short amount of time than in my whole life.

“All this time?”

His gaze seemed to soften before his next phrase. “Every single one.”

I tightened my eyes to will myself to fight on. Once they reopened, they had steeled. “And you still ordered me to go.” I scoffed at his unapologetic confidence in the face of this confession.

“You knew what projections do. And yet you still sent me away.” The lump in my throat meant the words didn’t come out easily but I fought on. “No actually.” I searched through his face which screamed of guilt. “You hoped it would happen. Well, projections can only focus on one thing at a time. Right?” He couldn’t give me a confirmation but worse, he couldn’t deny. He passed by my body which I could no longer will to move. My eyes held nothing, and the only sign of life were my quick shallow breaths and the final tear that fell.

“Mr Fischer,” Robert’s eyes remained fixed on my back even as Cobb spoke at him. He was confused by the conversation which had just transpired between father and daughter but he was sure of his deep desire to comfort the girl. I felt his eyes on me but I couldn’t let him see me like this. He didn’t deserve to be sucked into the crazy knots which were my life. I could hear my dad speak, asking Robert for a number. But nothing registered. As if they were merely acting out on a screen which I had a viewing for.

I sucked back and planted a faux smile over my dried tear tracks. I spun back around the armour of character concealing any open wounds.

“I guess we should start with room 528 and room 491.” My confidence seeped through and left my body.

Robert’s brows furrowed at my sudden demeanour change. But they more so held concern and disbelief at the appearance of contentment I was portraying.

We left the bathroom, led by my father. I felt a hand ghost against my lower back. I almost succumbed to the show of genuine comfort. But it only confirmed the worries in my heart. I stilled myself to force the decision I didn’t want to make.

After this, I will never see Robert Fischer again.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Omgggg Cobb always knew??? What did you guys think of the new chapter??

taglist: @jonsncws @h-l-vlovesvintage @theethy @fashionki11a @felicity1994 @bearchermer @idkyoutellmesmh @mimimarvelingmarvel @butterfly-lies-chase-them-away @neotanpopper @deliriouslybi @folklorde24 @thefandomdiaries07 @viarosemcmissile @noirrose21-blog @thepoeticfirefly @xoxo-gothic-girl @skeletonwrite @jellyzelek @kaylamarie306-blog

[reve-de-sang]

continued from here, in which Lestat and Louis face an arranged marriage so that Claudia can be born as foretold and save everyone's ass.

Lestat is presented an infant onesie for his future theoretical daughter and accidentally laughs in Florence de Pointe du Lac's face. No one appreciates his existential crisis.

--

Lestat, of course, had ruined it all by laughing.

Not right away. No, not right off the bat.

The morning after the delegates’ introductions, when the Europeans had relocated to the estate they had procured for their visit, Marius had called them into his new office for an emergency meeting despite everyone’s fatigue.

(Marius was still ridiculous in his decor choices, Lestat observed. Who needed an actual giant globe in 2024?)

Pandora, who had been able to stand back and observe at last night's introductions, led with her impressions of the event—an assessment of the miasma of thoughts in the room. To lay most of the blame where it was due, David had originally been the one to accidentally prime the proceedings for derailment. The North American delegation, already prickly about the whole endeavor, had been affronted during David’s preliminary visit by the liberties he took in acting as if the European vampires were in charge of this joint venture.

And the de Pointe du Lac family were already unhappy about marrying off their scion to an unknown foreigner as a sacrifice to prevent some theoretical threat. David’s deafness to their anxieties had offended them. Louis had been offended by the man’s pompousness, his old school unexamined casual racism, and David’s inability to totally mentally conceal his thoughts of appreciation for Louis’s physique.

(Regarding the latter, Armand had sympathized that David was only human, and it would take a far more mentally powerful vampire to obscure lustful thoughts about de Pointe du Lac—it was a real concern. Lestat demanded they all show a little respect toward his husband—but my god, wasn’t he ethereal? Pandora hushed them with an exhaustion that seemed to come from deep within her soul.)

And then this arrogant chiseled blue-eyed blond Frenchman had sailed in and looked at their scion like his sole mission in life was to defile Louis as quickly and thoroughly as possible. The Americans had actually braced for him to start disrobing at any moment. (Armand offered that that was, in fact, the purpose of Lestat’s role in this endeavor. Marius glowered.)

Lestat had then proceeded to offend their matriarch by laughing at her.

David was terribly embarrassed and stammered his apologies, but the immediate ire in the room swung to Lestat for administering the final blow.

“I am far too tired to defend myself at this trial,” Lestat groaned, knuckling an eye. “It was a nervous reflex! I know our joint purpose here is to usher in a future queen, but I was unprepared to be presented an infant onesie.”

“She had personally hand-knit it. Cashmere.”

Lestat buried his face in his hands. “You know I can make this right. Please just let me sleep.” Lestat threw down his hands in his lap. “And never use David as a diplomat again!” He turned to David, “I love you, but you must know you are better suited to academia. You have failed me as a wingman.”

David conceded the point with a wince. “My apologies.”

“We’ll reconvene this evening,” Marius said, rubbing the bridge of his nose indicating a stress headache Lestat was fairly certain he was not physiologically capable of having.

—

The next evening Lestat lingered in his coffin after sunset, staring up at the silk lining invisible to him in the utter blackness. Lestat was not one to cringe from gaffes. He didn’t dwell. Lestat was a man of action.

Still, he was going to need a moment for this one.

Lestat had walked into a powder keg, ignorant their mission was on life support, and had vaporized the last of the good will with a reflexive peal of laughter when Florence de Pointe du Lac presented him the dainty white hand knit onesie she had crafted for her granddaughter.

The temperature in the de Pointe du Lac household had plummeted to temperatures as yet unrecorded by science by the time the European delegates left that morning, so Lestat may well be still recovering from frostbite.

Lestat had found Louis’s escalation from irritated to hostile staggeringly alluring, while at the same time Lestat’s heart had plummeted in his chest. Louis certainly inspired intense strange new combinations of emotions in him.

But honestly. It had been two hours from sunrise on a night unnaturally stretched six hours longer than usual, given the time difference! And the stress of the night had been enormous!

He had been standing next to the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.

A man vampires the world over were all waiting impatiently for him to have so much sex with as soon as possible!

And suddenly there had been this impossibly tiny physical reminder that he and Louis were going to create a nascent person out of their DNA, and Lestat was going to push her out of a very new and completely untested hole in his body, and that person would probably hate him as much as he’d hated his father, and then probably 20 years later she was supposed to put her life in danger as if Lestat’s daughter’s life was somehow less important than all these other chickenshit vampires who couldn’t hold their own against some furious vampire queen.

It had snuck up on him.

And so he had laughed uproariously, terror in his heart.

—

The delegation gave him the dignity of half an hour to mope that evening—hopefully strategize, but probably mope—and then Armand rapped on the lid of his coffin.

“You’re so lucky you’re pretty. Guess who’s inviting you out to dinner at an exclusive New Orleans vampire club slash speakeasy?”

Lestat pressed his palms over his face as a huge wash of relief hit him, once again surprising himself with yet another sudden strong emotion in less than 24 hours. He furiously willed the blood tears away.

«Why, it must be Florence de Pointe du Lac, non? She struck me as the warm, gracious, forgiving type.»

“I am absolutely ready to go on this date with Louis in your stead at a moment’s notice. I’ll give him your apologies.”

Lestat sighed. «Get me the Gaultier. No—» Lestat sighed again, more profoundly. «The conservative Tom Ford. I can be subtle when the occasion calls for it.»

“Honestly, you might as well dress like you’re here to procreate. Play into your strengths.”

Lestat pushed his coffin open, glaring as he climbed out. “I am more than my genitals and destiny, Armand. And aren’t you supposed to be here for support?”

“My power dictates my presence. And also Marius gets horny when he’s stressed.” Armand’s ass was perched on the edge of the vanity, a tall glass of fresh blood for Lestat next to him on the highly polished wood. “But most of all you’ve been assigned to save society by getting knocked up by a beautiful man who’d rather cut your throat—I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

He offered the glass to Lestat. “Drink this fast. You have to be there in 45 minutes.”

Lestat did not set Armand on fire in Lestat’s first act of being subtle.

[smellysluna]

Invisible Chapter One

Chapter One: The Purpose

Pairing: Oikawa Toru x Spy! Reader

Story summary:

As an undercover agent at the Olympics, you're on a mission to expose a drug cartel. However, your mission gets complicated when you repeatedly cross paths with Oikawa Tooru, a charming volleyball player with a keen eye for the truth.

Masterlist | Next

The bustling excitement of the Olympic Village is intoxicating. Athletes from all over the world carry the weight of their nations' hopes and dreams on their shoulders. The air is thick with the hum of various languages and the occasional roar of applause from practice sessions.

You navigate with purpose, eyes scanning every face, every movement. However, you’re not here to compete; your game is played in the shadows.

As you weave through the crowds, the scale of the event sinks in. The Olympics aren’t just a gathering of athletes; they’re a microcosm of the world. Each person here is a story, a mix of ambition, anxiety, and passion.

It’s easy to get lost in the sea of humanity, to blend in with the ebb and flow of emotions that permeate the atmosphere. This is what you count on, what allows you to move unnoticed.

The thrill of being surrounded by so many, yet remaining invisible, is exhilarating.

It’s a reminder of your purpose.

Your mission is clear: infiltrate the Olympics to investigate a suspicious sponsor with potential ties to drug smuggling.

The mastermind behind the cartel, Stefan Albescu, has been funding an Olympic team in an attempt to launder money.

Your superiors have tasked you with uncovering the truth and finding the proof.

The gravity of the situation weighs heavily on your mind. It’s not just about the potential criminal activities—there’s a delicate balance of international relations at play. A drug cartel funding a country's Olympic team? Any misstep could have far-reaching consequences.

Disguised as support staff, with a cap to cover your face, you blend seamlessly into the crowd.

As you walk, your eyes flicker over many people, taking note of their demeanour, their interactions. You’re constantly analysing, searching for anything out of the ordinary.

This is your life—always on edge, always assessing threats. It’s not an easy existence, but you’ve grown accustomed to it. There’s a certain satisfaction in knowing that you’re the one standing between order and chaos, even if no one else knows it.

Your attention is momentarily captured by a brightly coloured flyer fluttering in the wind. You snatch it mid-air, your curiosity piqued by the bold letters and flashy graphics.

The flyer promises a cultural exchange event later in the week, something that could be a perfect cover for your investigations.

As you absorb the details of the event, you feel a solid, warm presence against your shoulder, followed by a gentle, surprised exclamation.

"Ah, my apologies," a smooth voice says, and you look up to find yourself staring into the eyes of a charming man. He looks familiar, and after a moment of thought, you recall where you've seen him before. Scanning through the countless profiles of Olympic athletes, you remember him.

You can’t exactly recall his name but you think it was something like “Okinawa Tery” —close enough, you thought. You did remember he played for the Argentinian Olympic Volleyball team. You looked through his file more than usual. A Japanese player on an Argentinian squad had piqued your curiosity, but you quickly discovered there was nothing suspicious going on as he just naturalised as Argentinian to keep playing volleyball.

You stop your train of thoughts and opt to analyse him in the flesh. His hair is perfectly styled, his smile a calculated blend of charm and warmth. The kind of man who attracts attention, who draws people in with a magnetic allure that’s hard to resist. You can see that many would be captivated by him.

But you’re not like most people. You’ve encountered your fair share of charming men, men who use their looks and charisma as weapons, tools to get what they want. You know how to see through the façade, to recognize the person behind the mask.

Okinawa is striking, but you remain unfazed. You’ve danced this dance before, and you know how to lead it.

“No problem,” you reply, stepping aside to let him pass. There’s a flicker of surprise in Okinawa’s eyes at your nonchalance, but he recovers quickly, offering a slight bow before continuing on his way.

You watch him for a moment, noting the subtle way he carries himself, the confidence in his stride. It’s not arrogance, but rather a deep-seated assurance in his abilities and his place in the world.

As he walks away, Oikawa’s thoughts linger on the brief encounter. He’s used to people reacting differently to him, especially women. There’s usually a moment of awe, a flush of excitement, or a bashful smile. But you—there was something different about you. The way you looked at him, it wasn’t with the typical admiration he’s come to expect. It was as if you were sizing him up, analysing him like he was just another piece in a puzzle. He can’t help but wonder.

He’s learned to read people, to understand their intentions, their desires. It’s a skill that’s served him well in volleyball and in life.

He glances back over his shoulder, expecting to see you again, maybe to catch your eye and flash his signature smile, the one that usually makes hearts skip a beat. But when he looks, you’re already gone, vanished into the sea of people like a ghost.

Oikawa pauses, his mind whirring with possibilities. Who were you? Why did you seem so... unaffected?

He’s never been one to shy away from a challenge, and the thought of understanding why you looked him up and down like the flyer in hour hand sparks a flicker of excitement in him. But just as quickly as the thought comes, he brushes it aside.

He’s here for a reason, and that reason doesn’t involve chasing after women. There’s a gold medal at stake, and that’s where his focus needs to be.

You, on the other hand, tuck the flyer into your pocket and resume your path, your mind already shifting back to the task at hand. You’ve got bigger things to worry about than an encounter with a handsome athlete.

The thought of Okinawa fades into the background as you mentally review the details of your mission.

You’re here to do a job, and nothing—not even a handsome face—can distract you from that.

As you move through the village, you reflect on the nature of your work. You’ve always been able to separate your personal feelings from your professional duties. It’s what makes you good at what you do. But every now and then, something—or someone—comes along that challenges that separation. You’ve learned to deal with it, to push it aside, but there’s always a small part of you that wonders what it would be like to live a normal life. To not always be on edge, not always looking over your shoulder.

But normalcy is a luxury you can’t afford, and you’ve made your peace with that. Your life is about the mission, about protecting those who can’t protect themselves. And right now, that mission is Stefan Albescu.

You can’t afford to let anything distract you from that.

Masterlist | Next

Notes:

I hope you like the concept of yn calling Oikawa, "Okinawa". I think I'm going to keep that gag going until he's like wtf who you calling Okinawa 👀

All comments and reblogs are appreciated and don't be scared to ask to add you to the taglist 🙈🙈

Taglist: #Open

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hi because of the previous ask I am now kinda curious about what trauma you would like to something as basic as telekinesis. Also I know he technically doesn’t have an ability in bad I am curious what trauma you would write for lovecraft

Are you guys not spellchecking yourself on purpose now to get a reaction out of me...

>:'(

"what trauma you would LIKEN to" SLAPS YOU

"and ability in BSD" SLAMS YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE CORNER OF A TABLE

I'm so sorry, I actually would love to answer your ask though. :D yay! Thank you for the ask!

Telekinesis ability - so on it's own without a character that exists to bounce off of, it's a little harder for me to spitball some sort of OC with a trauma telekinesis ability (because I have so much freedom and so little restriction), but I'll try!!

Let's go with telekinesis = hypervigilance. AHA! I will link this. Hypervigilance is the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you, often found in those with PTSD/CPTSD. I have CPTSD and am plagued with this, so I know exactly how it works from experience. LET ME COOK LET ME COOK I CAN DO IT. Okay. This OC would have CPTSD (all ability users would have the metaphor of PTSD in my BSD AU but in case you didn't see my first ask post about this, I'm confirming that). I'd give OC a childhood spent in turmoil based on their parents' abuse. Okay wait, I'd focus on just one parent being abusive with an enabler partner. Yes. Realism. Focus. Okay.

Abusive parent - psychological/emotional combo. Says one thing constantly, means the other thing. Applauded and hailed by those outside the family (and inside the family too) for their outward good deeds and "amazing parenting". The OC is a well-behaved child and has spent their life praised for being so behaved by friends of the family. Rich family, privileged. Nobody would believe there was abuse going on in the home. Parent constantly praises their child and loves on them in public for their natural talents. Anything that they don't like about the child is ignored and swept under the rug as if it doesn't exist, meaning anything the OC child is interested in that isn't supported by the parents is treated like it's not there.

Behind closed doors, torture. Daily. Not in the physical sense, but in the perfectionist sense. OC is told how to think, how to speak, how to act. Though policing is key. If they step a single foot out of line, punishment. They're berated and lectured on how much of a bad person this makes them, and how they need to get their thoughts in order and they need to be only expressing themselves in ways that are beautiful and "right" and happy. They have to be an example for their siblings.

this is just becoming about me and I'm gonna start rambling too much. oh my god. whatever. CONTINUING.

Because of this, OC becomes hyperaware of every thought they ever have, feeling guilty if it ever strays from perfect and "moral" and "good" and "kind". This stress multiplies to the point of developing an anxiety compulsion around never thinking a bad thought or dreaming of a bad thing. However, they're convinced that their parents are constantly thinking badly about them and want them dead because they're such a horrible person. They want to know so badly what their parents really think, because they constantly tell OC that they should have only pure thoughts, but they're hypocritical when it comes to doing so themselves, OC is convinced. After all, what exactly constitutes a "good" or "bad" thought? How are they supposed to know? Their parents seem to think about whatever they want, and everything OC wants is bad, apparently. If nothing else, OC wants to learn how to think like their parents so they can become a good person. Because their parents are good people, obviously, who only want the best for OC.

Their parents feel so alien, though, that OC spends every waking moment reading their parents' expressions for any hint at what they're really thinking, especially when they're being nice. They try to read between the lines of everything said to them. Because of this, boom, ability born. Suddenly they start actually hearing the parents' thoughts, but they believe at first that they've entered some sort of schizophrenic state and the voices are in their head.

Jump to current day, OC has confirmed telekinesis, and reading others' thoughts has made them develop a panic disorder, because seeing into brains means seeing every good and bad thing thought about them, and OC struggles to keep from being a people-pleaser machine that does everything in their power to be what others want them or think them to be so that they can keep others' thoughts as pure as possible.

Hope that....was coherent. Basically OC would be obsessed with people pleasing because of their trauma of having to please their parents just to survive, and then I'd make their emotional arc about coming to realize that thoughts are neutral, anybody is allowed to think anything, and having bad thoughts is actually a great thing, a way to process feelings instead of self-destructing by bottling everything up until it bursts and you have no idea why.

UMMM OKAY. LOVECRAFT NEXT!

.....

...........uh

I just left this post for like a whole 30mins reminding myself of the details of Lovecraft and looking for scene compilations of him and hunting for backstory and dude IM ACTUALLY SO STUMPED ON THIS ONE. His non-ability of turning into an eldritch monster is like....it's too basic and unfounded in any reasoning. He just IS an alien monster, and his personality is based on how much of a weirdo he is just because he's an alien monster. So trying to come up with a trauma for him that created this non-ability is impossible, kinda, since his character is founded on him BEING the monster instead of having the monster to use and a backstory (there's literally no backstory on his wiki so I assume bro just exists).

The only trauma I could really give him would be based in his alienation from society as a weird creature-thing. I do love that trope sometimes, so taking his canon traits (it makes him itch when he's the center of attention, he's constantly sleepy, overanxious, and never motivated to do anything i.e. wants things to be over with ASAP), the trauma I could try to tie in would be a Frankenstein-esque plot. People saw him as inherently bad because of what he exists as, not because of anything he's done, and treated him with fear and loathing because of it. And he's so cold all the time, he just wants to be close to somebody warm. He uses the fire as a substitute, but that's not like having a human body. He just wants to be warmmmm!!!! He bundles up to substitute for the lack of human warmth and also to hide as much as possible, he sleeps when he can so he can avoid being seen, and he itches when he's the center of attention because he's been a victim of mob mentality before.

Children have been his one hope, since children are more inclined to accept even weird people, so he's tried his best to make his tentacles into balloon animals and be entertaining so he could make friends (like he did in canon with Q). There!

hopefully that was as good enough :'D thanks, anon!! It's fun to talk my brain on a walk with prompts like this. <3

[uncloseted]

what does regulation your nervous system even mean? how important is it to mental health and healing, does it relate to being stuck in a “freeze” mindset? how do we even regulate it?

This is maybe a hot take, but I think that "nervous system dysregulation" is a term that scammy life coaches on the internet came up with to sell people courses they don't need and that aren't really evidence based. I know that seems kind of harsh, but let me explain.

To understand why I think that, we first have to understand how our nervous system actually works (sorry, but I promise it's important!). The autonomic nervous system acts unconsciously and is responsible for things like regulating heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, pupillary response, urination, and sexual arousal. Our autonomic nervous system is split into two main parts (for the purposes of this discussion): the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system's main function is to activate the arousal responses that occur during the fight-or-flight response, which increases blood flow, especially to the muscle, heart, and brain tissues. The parasympathetic nervous system is in charge of "rest and digest" activities, such as salivation, lacrimation (tears), urination, digestion, and defecation. These systems work together to keep us alive, but there are a few different ways that those systems can go haywire.

Dysautonomia, or disorders that disrupt the automatic nervous system, is one way that our nervous system can stop working properly. Dysautonomia is when your body isn't automatically regulating things that should be automatic, like blood pressure, body temperature, breathing, digestion, heart rate, and sweating. People can develop dysautonomia as a result of a number of different medical conditions, including MS, Lyme Disease, POTS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Vitamin B12 deficiency, and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (my people!), among others.

Emotional dysregulation , a symptom of mental health conditions where a person has trouble regulating their emotions, is also a Real Thing. People who have a difficult time regulating their emotions may have trouble altering their moods, become easily frustrated, be impulsive, have mood swings, or struggle with anger and irritability. PTSD, personality disorders, OCD, depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, autism, and ADHD can all cause difficulty regulating emotions. This isn't necessarily a nervous system problem per se, but it's what we might think of as run of the mill "dysregulation" that people experience.

Hypervigilance, a symtpom of mental health conditions where a person is constantly assessing potential threats around them, is also A Thing. This, I think, is closest to what people mean when they're talking about a "dysregulated nervous system". There's still debate about what causes PTSD from a neuroendocrinology standpoint, but the thought is that PTSD develops when a person has an over-reactive adrenaline response to a traumatic event. Their brain essentially stores things that are related to the traumatic event as "reasons to go into fight or flight mode", and as a result, their sympathetic nervous system puts the body into flight or fight mode more frequently than it should. The parasympathetic nervous system eventually kicks in and restores the person to homeostasis, but it may take longer for people with PTSD than without. This is all very simplified, but you didn't come here for a lecture on neuroscience, so I'm not going to bore you with more details.

So. This is pretty much where the scientific literature on nervous system regulation and dysregulation ends. You'll notice that "freeze" as an alternative to "fight or flight" doesn't come up. While "freeze" is a response to threats, it's mainly observed in prey animals, and it seems unclear if or how that behavior is present in humans, although some scientists speculate that a freeze response is present (at least from what I could find). So where does this idea that the average person has a "nervous system" that is "dysregulated" and "stuck in freeze mode" come from?

My best guess is that these ideas are based on something called "polyvagal theory" that was proposed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges in 1994. This theory suggests that the parasympathetic nervous system actually has two parts: a "ventral vagal system" which supports social engagement and self-soothing behaviors, and a "dorsal vagal system" which supports immobilization behaviours- not just "rest and digest" as we typically think, but also "defensive immobilization" (what we might call "freeze"). Other neuroscientists took this idea a step further, and made the claim that for people who have experienced trauma, their vagal system is dysregulated.

That all sounds reasonable, right? But the issue with it is that it just... doesn't appear to be the case. In a 2023 review of this theory, it was stated that, "there is broad consensus among experts […] that each basic physiological assumption of the polyvagal theory is untenable. Much of the existing evidence, upon which these consensuses are grounded, strongly indicates that the underlying polyvagal hypotheses have been falsified." It is, of course, possible that further research will validate this theory, but as it stands now, it appears to just not be the way that our brains work.

However, polyvagal theory is something that sounds like it would be true. It has a lot of science-sounding explanations behind it and a lot of high-profile proponents. There are even some therapists that have incorporated it into their work. And there are lots and lots of people online who want to teach you "how to regulate your nervous system" for the low low price of $675 USD.

Taking off my snarky hat for a second here, I do genuinely think that the people who are proponents of polyvagal theory think that it works. As I said, it sounds scientific and it intuitively feels like it makes sense. I think it's also reflecting something that a lot of people feel right now, which is a general unease with the world and a feeling like they don't know how to let themselves rest. I think a lot of the things that polyvagal therapists or coaches teach are probably valid strategies, and the polyvagal bit is kind of a "purple hat therapy". Things like "getting 7-9 hours of sleep", "deep breathing", "exercising", "taking tech-free time", "meditation", and "walking on grass" will probably make you feel better, whether they're "regulating your vagus nerve" or not. So in that sense, I don't think that it really matters why people are doing these things as long as they're doing them.

I will also say that regulating your nervous system when you're in the middle of a fight-or-flight response is a real thing with its own techniques. Especially for people who struggle with anxiety disorders or PTSD, having those regulation tools is incredibly important, and even for the average person, these tools can help us calm down when we're angry, frustrated, or upset. Emotional regulation tools can include things like deep breathing, using distraction techniques (like the 5-4-3-2-1 method), or using an intense sensation (like holding an ice cube or eating a sour candy) to jolt your brain away from the thing you're anxious about.

But if you're experiencing symptoms of "nervous system dysregulation", it's important to see a medical doctor and then a qualified mental health professional. What worries me about things like "nervous system dysregulation" is that people will write off serious concerns as something that can be solved by tapping on their vagus nerve and taking cold showers as opposed to something that needs attention from a medical professional. For example, if you're experienced something traumatic that has made you hypervigilant, that's something that you need to process with a mental health professional. If you're experiencing cognitive symptoms like difficulty concentrating and forgetfulness, that's something to bring up with a doctor in case there are other issues causing those symptoms, like a vitamin deficiency. If you're experiencing symptoms like lightheadedness upon standing, high blood pressure, or a fast or irregular heartbeat, that's something to bring up with a doctor in case there are other issues causing those symptoms, such as a connective tissue disorder. I could have easily written my symptoms off as "nervous system dysregulation" and never have known that I had a genetic connective tissue disorder until it was too late.

So, I guess the TL;DR here is that 1. the definition of nervous system regulation depends on who you ask and the context in which you ask it, but it generally means using techniques to calm down when a person is in a heightened emotional state, 2. it's important to mental health and healing in that these techniques can help you manage your emotions, especially if you deal with anxiety or PTSD, 3. nervous system regulation is related to a "freeze" mindset if you are a proponent of polyvagal theory, where they believe that regulating your nervous system will get you out of the "freeze mindset", and 4. you can regulate your nervous system by generally taking care of your body, practicing relaxation, and learning how to interrupt the "fight or flight" mode when you're in the middle of it.

There are other things to say on this topic, but this post is getting kind of long and I'm afraid it's getting kind of dense, so I'll stop here. I also want to make a quick disclaimer that I tried to make this as easy to understand as possible, but in doing so I may have messed up the science a bit. Please let me know if you see any errors. This is adjacent to what I studied at school, but it's been a while since I was last in a neuroscience class.

[priority1canine]

Essential Role of Security Protection Dogs in Keeping You Safe

In today’s world, personal security is more important than ever. With rising concerns about home invasions, theft, and personal attacks, more people are turning to a unique and highly effective form of protection—security protection dogs. These expertly trained canines provide not only a deterrent to potential threats but also act as loyal companions, offering peace of mind that no technology-based system can match. Let’s explore why security protection dogs are becoming an essential addition to homes and businesses.

Unmatched Loyalty and Protection

Security protection dogs are more than just trained animals; they are devoted guardians that form deep bonds with their owners. Unlike security cameras or alarm systems, these dogs are constantly alert, instinctively protecting their family or property at all times. Their ability to detect potential dangers—whether it’s an intruder in the home or a suspicious person in a public space—gives them a significant edge over any electronic device.

Trained to respond to commands and specific situations, these dogs will not only defend but also control a threat without unnecessary aggression, making them a safer option in populated environments.

Tailored Training for Your Needs

One of the key advantages of having a security protection dog is their specialized training. These dogs are carefully selected and trained by professionals to meet specific security needs. Whether you need a canine to protect your home, family, or business, or to accompany you in public, these dogs are equipped to handle various scenarios. Their training can include personal protection, property guarding, and even crowd control.

For instance, if you’re a high-profile individual or business owner, a security protection dog offers discrete yet effective protection as you move through different environments.

Beyond Security: The Emotional Benefits

While their primary purpose is protection, security dogs also provide emotional support and companionship. Many owners find comfort in knowing they have a loyal protector by their side, easing anxiety about potential threats. This emotional connection fosters a strong bond between the dog and its owner, creating a sense of safety that goes beyond just physical protection.

Why Choose a Security Protection Dog?

24/7 Surveillance: Security protection dogs are always on duty, providing constant protection without downtime.

Immediate Response: These dogs are trained to assess and respond to threats quickly, often neutralizing dangers before they escalate.

Versatility: They can adapt to a variety of environments, from residential homes to large estates, public spaces, and even offices.

Non-lethal Force: Unlike weapons, security dogs use non-lethal methods to protect, making them an ideal solution for those seeking defense without the risk of excessive harm.

Personalized Training: You can customize the dog's training to fit your lifestyle and security needs, ensuring the best possible protection.

Conclusion

Investing in a security protection dog is more than just a safety measure; it’s an investment in peace of mind. These dogs combine loyalty, intelligence, and advanced training to offer unparalleled protection for you and your loved ones. Whether you’re safeguarding your home or seeking personal protection in public, security protection dogs are a powerful and trusted ally in the fight against potential threats.

If you’re looking for a loyal companion that’s always ready to protect, security protection dogs are an option worth considering. Their presence alone can be enough to deter criminals, and their quick response ensures your safety in any situation.

[chaosmagetwin]

Sometimes, anxiety for me is like “if I talk to that person, they’ll hate me and they’ll tell everyone I’m weird and then everyone will hate me because I’m radioactive and they’ll resent being around me even if they did like me.”

But usually, anxiety for me is walking down the street and looking at everyone there, and knowing where everyone standing near me is exactly by an exact sense. I’ll have done a threat assessment; every single person is reduced, first, into whether they are threatening or not, and what weapons or methods I can use to reduce that. Usually, the answer is simple: just act like I am not looking at anyone or anything, and that I am deaf. If they notice me, but I don’t react, then they usually lose interest. If they don’t, then they’ll begin to follow me, which I’ll recognize. But usually no one does.

It’s frustrating sometimes when I look at someone and I am trying to decode their outfit for fashion purposes, but my brain won’t let me until I have categorized them in the threat level. Which can, sometimes, increase someone’s threat level, because I’m spending too long looking at them, indecisive.

When I walk with people, my threat assessment also includes them, as people I have to protect. Anyone who gets too close, anyone who looks at them too long, anyone who notices either of us. Even if we’re having fun.

Sometimes my anxiety sounds and feels a lot like paranoia. I like to be prepared to some extent. It’s nice walking with a metal water bottle, filled entirely; it’s a decent weapon no one would question. Books, too, seem decent, if I use the spine correctly. I’ve considered random bits of metal and rocks and wood. I’ve considered my own metal collar on occasion.

I don’t really know what to do about it. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out.

[the-northcap-university]

The Impact of Digital Detox on Student Well-Being

As screens have become a common element of everyday life, digital detox has gained more interest as a measure against the negative outcomes of screen exposure. It is evident that students are constantly enclosed within an online space, immersed in academic expectations, social relations, and various online activities; this article discusses the advantages of digital detox for students’ well-being and how it can become a means to transition from the virtual life to real life. Instant communication on SMS, WhatsApp and other social networking sites, for instance, negatively affects the level of well-being as it is directly linked to clinical symptoms such as depression. Some prescriptive interventions have been offered for the use of smartphones keeping in mind the negative effects on well-being or social relations. A digital detox can therefore be described as a short break from the use of electronics, especially smartphones. These breaks can either be partial or full. However, up to the present time, it is not apparent whether the studied digital detox interventions are sustainable in creating a healthy way of life in the digital milieu.

The digital age is characterised by enhanced convenience and an abundance of information particularly in teaching. However, it has also raised concerns on the impact it has on students’ well-being in general. From persistent notifications that appear every few minutes and seconds, to the pressure of constantly being active online with easily accessible information, the use of smartphones has worsened stress and anxiety and severely impacted the overall sense of being of students leaving them on edge all the time.

With academics and social engagements in today’s world becoming more computerised and technological, with time one begins to wonder when we will get the time to step away from the computer screen. Temporarily removing digital devices or abstaining from using them can help a student’s brain to rest from the digital onslaught. In this manner, they can cultivate a healthy relationship with their devices which by extension will boost their wellbeing.

The Advantages of Going for a Digital Detox

Improved Concentration: With fewer distractions from notifications of your social media platforms, you will be able to concentrate more on your books.

Enhanced Academic Performance: It can result in better grades, as it fosters remarkable focus and enhances the ability to assimilate information more effectively. Reduced Anxiety and Stress: Reducing the time spent in front of a screen is advisable as it is known to reduce the levels of stress and anxiety especially at night.

More Meaningful Social Interactions: Some people can engage more deeply in their hobbies, while a digital detox motivates parents to spend more quality time with their children. Increased Awareness and Mindfulness: It enables you to focus on the present and take pleasure in the surrounding environment by cutting down your time on devices.

Step-by-Step Plan for Adopting a Digital Detox Life

Step 1: The role of acknowledgement and assessment is to consider the organisation’s strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats about virus transmission. Start with evaluation which digital distractions interlope your existence. Assess your digital habits: What percentage of your day is the smartphone and computer receiving your attention? Which apps do you frequently spend your time on? As with any problem addressal, the starting point for change is to know and understand that there is an issue, and in recent years awareness of one's digital footprint has significantly increased.

Step 2: Fix your objectives. The goals you set should be crystal clear to you. You must always think about the purpose you intend to set for the process of digital detoxing. Is it to get better grades, get better sleep, or have more time for yourself and your loves ones? Everyone needs goals that will help to regulate and shape their detox programme. Step3: Gradually reduce your screen time. Start Small, however, if the notion of going offline proves too daunting, it is best to ease into it by gradually cutting down on the amount of time spent on the screen. Use apps to monitor usage. For instance, you can use Screen Time, a feature available for iPhones and iPads or the Digital Wellbeing feature on Android phones.

Step 4: Create Tech-Free Zones: Design zones of your living space that are ‘technology-free’, particularly the bedrooms or the study zone. Develop defined instances in the day when you avoid the use of digital devices such as during breakfast or while eating. Step5: Engage in Offline Activities: Eliminate most of your time spent with media products and instead fill your time with things that don’t include the use of media products. Consider physical exercise and get signed up for the school’s athletics teams, go jogging, or do yoga. Inculcate Hobbies including reading printed books, cooking or any activity that doesn’t imply screen use. Get personal/face-to-face with friends and family members instead of constantly communicating with them through the phone or via the internet.

Step 7: Practice mindfulness and meditation: It is recommended to engage in mindfulness exercises on a regular basis for the purpose of improving your ability to pay attention and decreasing the compulsive need to glance at your devices. Step 8: Regularly assess your progress. How performant are you? What problems are you experiencing? In order to make the plan more suitable to your lifestyle and fulfil you purpose, the plan must be modified.

Foster a Balanced Digital Life🌱

Contrary to considering a digital detox as the act of eradicating all digital devices from one’s existence, it seeks to achieve an optimal use of the gadgets for the benefit of the users. Always bear in mind that the aim here is to moderate your online behaviour and not the other way round.

Dr. Saumya Sharma

Assisstant Professor (Selection Grade)

Department of Management & Commerce

The NorthCap University, Gurugram

[thxnews]

President Akufo-Addo Urges Vigilance to Safeguard Democracy

  President Urges Parliament to Safeguard Democracy

President Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo of the Republic of Ghana has called upon members of the Parliament of the Economic Community of West African States (ECOWAS) to actively address the emerging threats to democracy in the region. Furthermore, he identified three grave challenges facing West African democracy, and with a sense of urgency, he urged regional leaders to uphold democratic principles and accountability.  

Democracy at Risk

In a candid assessment, President Akufo-Addo warned that "democracy in West Africa is in danger" due to three distinct threats that demand immediate attention. He emphasized that the region must intensify efforts to secure democratic accountability among its citizens.   Threats Unveiled The President identified the first threat as "the attempted confiscation of democracy by elites," who manipulate constitutional rules and subjugate national institutions to maintain power through legal maneuvers. The second threat is the "emerging re-militarization of governance," marked by military intrusion into politics without public mandate. Lastly, President Akufo-Addo pointed to "the wanton desire to destroy democracy by terrorist groups and armed criminal gangs," seeking to establish lawless zones.  

Embracing Democracy

Quoting Winston Spencer Churchill's famous words, President Akufo-Addo reminded the audience that despite its imperfections, democracy remains the best form of governance. He noted that history has shown that people inevitably return to democracy and civil liberty after experiencing tyranny and oppression.  

Facing Regional Challenges

Acknowledging the complex economic, political, social, and security challenges in the region, President Akufo-Addo expressed concern about the decline in democratic credentials. He highlighted that, at present, four ECOWAS member states are under military rule due to coups, generating anxiety and regional instability. He also criticized the violence and disputes characterizing some elections.  

Promoting Legitimacy

The President emphasized that leaders must derive their legitimacy from free, fair, and transparent elections. Any attempt to manipulate opinion or democratic rules for political gains erodes legitimacy and breeds social tensions. Stability in the region, he stressed, requires legality and legitimacy.  

The Role of Democratic Governance

President Akufo-Addo underscored the true purpose of democratic governance: to ensure free government, shared prosperity, equitable justice, and lasting peace for the citizenry's well-being.   Parliamentary Responsibility Addressing the ECOWAS legislators, he passionately urged them to delve into the root causes of democratic regression and political instability in the region. He stressed the need to effectively combat these challenges and called for unwavering vigilance against leaders who seek to extend presidential term limits to consolidate power. Such actions, he emphasized, sow discontent and provide dangerous openings for military interventions.  

A Call for Collective Effort

In conclusion, President Akufo-Addo called upon ECOWAS Parliament members to play a pivotal role in safeguarding democracy, emphasizing that true stability in the region can only be achieved when power is coupled with both legality and legitimacy.   Sources: THX News & The Presidency, Republic of Ghana. Read the full article

[grison-in-space]

Oh yes, that is an inherent tension for any breed! You're walking the line: what is a breed? Is it a snapshot in time, or does it change? If it changes, how many directions can it take? In this case,

What gets me is that you're actually looking at a third problem with temperament: the dogs before the temperament selection in the 80s and 90s were not renowned for temperament quality by people writing for the pet market, either. Here's Tortora, an early behaviorist with a thriving practice in New York City, writing on the breed in 1980:

(Tortora is not a Doberman person particularly; elsewhere in the book, I believe he notes that he is a Mastiff partisan. I suppose everyone is allowed to be wrong sometimes.)

Notably, he mentions the importance of kennels of known temperament in sourcing a Doberman, and his criticism of their range of temperament at the worse end of his experience is one I don't think any PPD enthusiast would have much quarrel with. He particularly complains about shy sharpness, timidity, and fearfulness, because these are the temperament traits that make a Doberman particularly dangerous to own. I cannot imagine that a bitesport enthusiast is deliberately breeding for this temperament, though. So... if no one wants these dogs, why do they exist?

Anyway, my hypothesis is that they arise as a natural byproduct of variational drift in temperament along two broad axes within a population.

It's actually a similar problem to the one I see in ACD temperament issues: because ACDs are supposed to be brave, toothy, independently thinking herding dogs with a fair bit of problem-solving initiative, when their temperaments are bad they get very dangerous very fast. This means that even before I got especially interested in the breed for myself, a) I had noticed that a lot of the human aggression behavioral euthanasia cases in my own circles were cattle dogs, b) these were inevitably rescue cattle dogs without a particularly careful background, c) invariably asking for the shape of the temperament revealed a fearful-aggressive dog.

And the specific thing I see in ACDs driving that temperament fault is that because you are selecting for intensity, the capacity for self control, and bravery, it can be difficult to assess the baseline fearfulness of a brave dog: a brave dog is a dog willing to suppress its fear responses, so it can be hard to distinguish between a dog that is frightened of the world but willing to bravely engage with it and a dog that is naturally confident and engaged without a lot of fear to suppress. Doable, especially in a puppy, but difficult.

If you're working with a breed high strung enough to make rapid decisions based on its threat assessment without having to take any time to adjust, you're looking at a dog with a fairly reactive hypothalamic pituitary axis (HPA) response, and there's going to be some variation in exactly how much. If you're working with a breed expected to have the kind of emotional control it takes to listen in the middle of a highly stressful experience, you're looking at a dog with a learning/motivational system which has big dopaminergic NAc outputs in response to perception of reward. There will be some degree of variation along that axis in your population as well. And that means that they can vary independently from one another.

Anyway, if you ask me, what you want whether you're selecting for pet, (bite)sport, personal protection, or show is to basically decrease the mean anxiety level so you have a dog that is less fearful and reactive to novel stimuli and more self confident. You may get slightly less explosively immediate hypervigilance but if you're training towards a prey drive under human control you don't need that anyway, and in any case a dog that can calmly assess behavior without necessarily reacting emotionally is a dog that is better for literally any purpose, including that of simply enjoying one's dog.

You keep the bravery in your population by asking the dog to maintain control and focus in a pinch, and selecting accordingly. You reduce the anxiety in your population by watching dogs without a particular set of directives respond to their environment, and selecting accordingly: you don't want an incurious animal, but you don't want one who fixates especially or can't adapt to change either. And you get calm, confident, incredibly stubborn dogs that are much harder to bully... which tends to result in a greater degree of total disengagements or handler attacks when you train with very harsh methods that don't emphasize reward. Given advances in dog training and communication with the general public, that is a change that would be safer today than in some previous decades while also not interfering in the dog's motivation to engage in traditional protection dog behaviors.

... The fashions in dog training during the 1970s through 1990s, especially in bitework circles, suddenly make an obnoxious amount of sense in light of the dogs that succeeded in that environment and were selected forward. I'm just saying. That change in training environment would increase the level of pressure on more fearful animals at all times, which tends to help achieve the levels of high obedience praised within the breed. (I am not entirely sure how you create a brain inclined to precise obedience without a certain baseline level of anxiety, in fact; I think there might be a tradeoff there.) That divergence from showline dogs under less chronic exposure to stressful environments manifests in lines of high-fearful, high-self-control dogs and lines of lower-fearful, lower-self-control dogs. When the level of self-control and motivational control slips below the level of anxiety, you wind up with a bitey, suspicious dog with no handles.

Problems in dog breed temperament aren't always relics of selection in the ancient past, you know? You have to think about husbandry and training approaches in your population of interest and how those changes shape the temperament of your dogs in return. ACDs are also a great example of that: a certain degree of their independence (and fearfulness!) is a result of the dingo crosses over the past fifty years conducted by bench breeders concerned about loss of herding ability. Without, er, routinely testing for that or using it day to day in their dogs....

Anyway, my point is that breeding dogs to correct the major temperamental flaws criticized by the pet market is in no way always inherently in conflict with the essential function of the breed... assuming that your function has also changed in the intervening decades in order to absorb changes in training philosophy and advances in knowledge. Which it has! I have watched some of it happen! And that is very worth considering in the context of temperament selection in any working breed.

Is the high level of inbreeding in dobes more because "undesirable" traits are common so those dogs get weeded out (whether actual bad things or just not fitting the breed spec), a small number of breeders having the monopoly, or because they are all related anyway so there's no way of avoiding it without an outcross program? Is something like the Doberman Preservation ​Project a realistic future for the breed?

The doberman breed is in the current shape its in due to multiple genetic bottlenecks- some simple stupid breeding decisions and others due to active war zones and the consequences of wars- paired with people who are stubbornly refusing to even try to make it better because they have convinced themselves that what they're doing is right.

Fenris is my lowest COI dobe to date [23% iirc] and while not the lowest I've seen in the breed [19%], still a huge improvement over to 50-60% breed average. But people have argued again and again that lowering COI means making breeding decisions that produce inferior dogs, and so many refuse to even consider it as a possibility.

(For non-dog people, COI is coefficient of inbreeding, and it is a look at the numbers behind how inbred a population is. You want as low of a number as possible. 25% is equal to immediate siblings. Ideally we'd want single digit numbers, with anything over 10% being a major problem to fix. To compare, my chihuahuas are something like 6% (Fae) and 0.02% (Tater). Sushi is a direct line breeding aunt-to-nephew so she's up in the 40s.)

(It doesn't necessarily mean a dog is immune to genetic predisposition to bad health, as evidenced by Tater's CM diagnosis, however it does seem to correlate directly with longevity and likelihood of developing these problems, meaning Tater unfortunately just lost the genetic lottery)

In other words, it is certainly possible to reduce the COI of the breed by HALF with smart breeding decisions, and people are plugging their ears going LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU because it means actually going out and looking past the popular sires and taking a chance on a dog that might not be your exact type but will still improve the next generation. This is not just a show line problem because I spend the majority of my time with working line dobes and working dobe people and this is an incredibly annoying problem there too. Fenris himself has popular sires in his pedigree, both the show half and the working half, so it is demonstratably very difficult to avoid.

I do think a well executed outcross project is needed, however... the problem I have is that the current proposed projects all suck. There's not a lot of direction outside of throwing things into the pot and seeing what sticks, and a lot of the resulting dogs quite frankly aren't what doberman people would be looking for anyway. Farm collies? Bulldogs? Bullies? Carolina dogs? Border collies? Pyrs? Why??? None of these are going to make a dog that has the temperament that draws people to this breed.

There are. A bunch of breeders who are waiting for an outcross project that actually makes sense. They've even posted in various outcrops groups that they would support a project if it had certain specifications. Many have said, get yourself a nice female and title her out in a bite sport and do all the doberman health testing even if she's not a doberman and we'd be interested in contributing semen. The response almost invariably has been "but I don't want a protective dog". Then what are you doing in a DOBERMAN project??? So of course the chief complaint is that most of these projects are not looking to make dobermans, they're looking to make their own breed and just have a doberman paint job. Well, sorry, but most involved doberman people want a DOBERMAN, not just a dog that looks like one. This is the only AKC recognized breed with the sole function of personal protection. They are protective dogs. Either accept that, or get interested in a different breed.

I have heard increasingly concerning things regarding the temperament of the doberman diversity project dogs, which does not surprise me unfortunately as none of these dogs are in any way sourced from dogs with verifiable correct temperament. What do you get when you cross a Craigslist Corso with a Craigslist doberman? Well the first generation might be okay for people who want pets but apparently the ones that have worked in protection are awful at it. Same with the malinois crosses- of course, you took a lukewarm malinois and bred it to a z-list doberman and you're surprised that you got a bunch of lukewarm at best pet dogs.

I think the only project I solidly am somewhat interested in is the bandog cross, and that cross works just fine but then of course it does because in that country, bandogs are exclusively military, police, and security dogs, and she bred it to a igp3 doberman. Unfortunately the doberman died before his 10th birthday, so now we're all waiting to see what happens with his progeny.

[creative-lampd-liberties]

Who's ready for another essay, lol.

There's a comic making rounds that takes exception to classifying Janus as part of self preservation. I understand why, op thinks self-preservation is a more socially acceptable trait than selfishness and therefore robs him of his purpose. I'm not going to link it, or tag the op, because this isn't meant to be an argument against them.

 I just want to be very clear that that is not in any way what I am saying, when I say Janus is self-preservation. I am saying that selfishness and self-preservation are the same thing. I am saying that self preservation is an inherently selfish trait and that that is not a bad thing.

Yes, even when Virgil does it. In a life or death situation, we do not flee or fight for anyone but ourselves. We freeze to hide, to keep ourselves safe no matter the cost. I mean to say that when it comes down to the wire, Virgil would lie just as easily as Janus. Remember, his instinct is also responsible for the fawn response.

My purpose in saying Janus is the more conscious, front brain aspect of self preservation is two fold. Firstly to point out that his actions are by necessity, deliberate. Social standing is a safety net. You need people to like you, to care about you, in order to get your needs met. You need to be well regarded by at least some people in order to thrive. Janus is the part of self preservation that assesses every single interaction Thomas has, to see which actions have the highest benefit to him. To weigh Thomas's needs or wants in the moment against his future standing and encourage him to act accordingly. 

This is why Deceit plays so highly in his nature. Sometimes, if you take objectionable actions (like being visibly selfish) society will reject you. What do you do when you still need to take those actions to be happy and healthy? You lie. You lie to your friend so they won't be hurt, you lie about why you missed a social event, you lie about a fundamental aspect of your personality; to preserve the illusion of being someone who is never objectionable. (A thing that is not actually possible to be, btw)

My second reason is to point out why Janus put so much pressure on the wedding situation. And that is because Virgil had overstepped the balance between the conscious and unconscious parts of self-preservation, although not intentionally. Because Thomas was doing the work to understand his anxiety, he was being more heedful of Virgil's threat assessments. He is bordering on fawning behavior recently and he isn't even aware that that's what he's doing. He doesn't want people to be mad at him. Not because he's a wonderfully selfless human, but because people being mad at him makes him feel unsafe.

Add to that, Roman’s uncertainty, Patton's black and white view of lying, and Logan's input being routinely drowned out and you have Thomas in an absolutely unhealthy place, mentally.

Janus probably didn't actually give a single fuck whether or not Thomas lied to Lee and Mary Lee. He just wanted Thomas to assess the situation, make the decision most beneficial to himself, and carry it out in a way that kept him safe. Thomas wanted to go to the callback. Thomas needs to seize more opportunities for economic stability. The best choice for Thomas, rationally, was to go to the callback. Janus wanted him to recognize his own needs and put himself first and he wanted him to do it with complete conscious awareness. He went about it in the least effective manner possible, but I digress.

He wants Thomas to understand why lying and being selfish are not only not bad, but actively necessary. He wants him to be honest with himself, even when he's not honest with anyone else, because you can't effectively maintain your boundaries if you don't know what they are or why you need them.

Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts about why Janus's plans backfired on him and why his approach didn't gain him any ground until Thomas was in crisis, but suffice to say it's not because selfishness is bad or Janus was acting against his function. When I say Janus is self-preservation I mean to say that he is integral to Thomas's survival and he's done a damn good job so far even when he isn't heeded. I mean that I see him; in all of his Selfish, Self Centered, "Thomas First" Glory; and I love him for it.

[kpoptrashlord-007]

Extended Stay;; WYF [pt.1]

Check out Part Two here~

Word Count;; 10.4k total, 5.2k for pt.1

Genre;; Zombie AU [Horror], Mafia AU [Violence], Smut

Pairing;; Kris Wu x Fem!Reader

Summary;;

     There comes a point in every relationship where things start to get serious. For you and Kris, that point comes in the form of a weekend getaway at a paradise resort. While you have your doubts about the many secrets he holds, there's a part of you that wants the relationship to thrive, to grow into something greater.      All great things, however, must be strong enough to withstand a storm and the quickest way to learn of a person's true character is under unfathomable odds.      Luckily for you, an island gone dark promises many hardships.

Collab Info;;

The Undead - an EXO12 Collab hosted by @biaswreckingfics ♡ 

Check out the Masterlist for more great EXO Zombie AU fics!

Warnings;;

Zombies!! + Mafia AU so 

Graphic depictions of violence, gore, horror in general, guns Explicit Language!! Explicit Smut!! Thigh riding and fingering, daddy kink

My Networks;; @supermwritersnet​

My Masterlist

   The jet touches down in Banoi minutes before 6pm, much earlier than scheduled. Despite night fast approaching, the sun is still high and bright in the crystal blue sky. Nary a cloud taints the endless canvas - there aren't even birds floating on the gentle sea breeze.

   Stretching your legs without fear of touching the seat in front of you or even coming anywhere near it, a yawn escapes your lips. Travelling by private jet is a level of luxury you never thought you'd experience and yet here you are, as impressed as you are bored.

   You tear your gaze from the small glass panel and its view of the Royal Palms Resort. It was a long flight and you want nothing more than to disembark this extravagant tin can and take a gulp of fresh island air, to feel sand beneath your toes as the warm ocean kisses your feet.

   The stewardess approaches you. She is smiling. Of course she is - that smile hasn't dropped for the entirety of the flight. You wish it were contagious but it's a weak facade, incapable of eliciting anything close to a spark of emotion within you, and you have a sneaking suspicion that it's all for show. Anxiety twitches her upper lip and her hands shake as she hands you a menu. It's the same menu you've seen a hundred times over the course of the flight.

   You've started to hate it.

   Just a little.

   "Would you care for any refreshments before you leave, ma'am?"

   "God, no"—you wave her off—"I'll just have a scotch when we get to the bar."

   "Of course, ma'am."

   She scurries toward the back just as Yifan comes through the very curtain she's trying to disappear behind. They come close to a collision but he sidesteps her. Towering over her much smaller frame with a look that screams murder, it doesn't surprise you when she quivers. You, too, felt the same way the first time you met him.

   On the surface, Yifan is like ice.

   It becomes noisy fast; the stewardess is apologising nonstop, the pilot announces you're clear to leave, the bodyguards are shuffling to and fro and you're sighing in relief. There's a hiss as the doors open and a quiet howl rolls in on the breeze. Outside is otherwise silent.

   This realisation sends a shiver down your spine.

   You can't help but wonder if Yifan somehow managed to buy the island for the weekend. If it were an option, you think he would have. Extravagance is part of his lifestyle, after all, and he likes to display his wealth, flaunt his power, showcase his trophies.

   Stretching as you stand, you glance toward the exit. No one else is moving to leave yet, hung up on small details and menial tasks. Even the guards have yet to reach the door, stopping periodically to 'assess the situation'. They're just a bunch of lumbering fools. If a threat appeared, they would only serve as cannon fodder for their boss's escape.

   Yifan is calculating. Not cold, but calculating.

   He's the type of man that can find a purpose for anyone and everything. Even the worthless can be made useful. You don't find this to be a problem, not really. If anything you can appreciate his quick thinking and impartial approach to problems.

   Your issue lies in that you don't know how he views you. Sure, he flew you out to some luxury beach resort in the middle of the ocean for some R&R, but that doesn't mean much. Material things have no real value - they can be replaced, spent, tossed. No matter how much he loves his possessions and his collections, they are not what's important to him.

   What is important to him, however, is a mystery to you.

   Yifan is a man of many secrets.

   Hot on the trail of the security detail, your pace is erratic and sluggish until you finally reach the exit. Even within the shade of the men in front of you, the air is warmer here. Light pours in around them, basking them in an orange glow. There's an urge growing inside you just to push them out of your way, to shove them head first onto the tarmac down below. It's unbecoming of you but you can't shake it loose.

   "All clear, boss."

   "Thank you for your hard work."

   Yifan's smooth voice rumbles deep in his chest as he speaks and you know they've annoyed him. For a brief second you think he might indulge you and help eject them but you know better. Nevertheless, it brings a smile to your lips just imagining how the whole thing might go down. He's much too meticulous to ever give in to baser desires, however.

   "Sure thing, boss."

   When they don't move, exasperation taints his tone. "Why don't you check the perimeter of the plane?"

   "On it, boss."

   They descend the airstairs one step at a time, surveying the area all the while. The runway is clear of… everything. There are no other vehicles, aircraft or otherwise. No one is even here to greet you. While you've never travelled in such luxury before, you assumed the service would be better than a commercial flight. Where are the staff members and their welcoming gifts? Who was meant to tell you where to go from here?

   Slipping on a pair of shades, Yifan gives the jet one last glance before his Louis Vuitton shoes patter down the stairs. Dirt spirals in the air close to the hangar the jet will soon crawl inside. Despite the tropical palms and the endless beachfront, the concrete is dusty. It leaves a smudge on his pristine black suit.

   Warm, moist air tickles the back of your neck and you jump, hand flying up to rub the exhalation off your skin. The stewardess is next to you, eyes wide as she looks out over the island. Mesmerised by the sparkling ocean, she doesn't notice your reaction, your discomfort. Her lips fall open and she inches forward.

   "It sure is beautiful here."

   "Yeah," you say, stepping aside to give her a better view. "It's paradise, apparently."

   "That's an understatement."

   "I'm hitting the bar the moment we get inside. How about you?"

   At this she takes a step backward, smoothing out her stereotypical attendant outfit and clearing her throat with a slight bow of the head. "I'm here to work. I'll be waiting here until you're ready to leave."

   "On the plane?"

   "Yes."

   "For two whole days?"

   "Yes."

   "How?"

   "What do you mean?"

   Sparing a cautionary look at Yifan, you inch closer. "Won't you, like, die? There's only peanuts and wine on this thing and it'll be turned off, won't it?"

   "The plane has generators that will be connected to a power source inside the hangar for the duration of your trip and we have a supply of food, water, and other essentials, both for the crew's comfort and for emergencies."

   "Is that your flight license training talking?" you tease.

   She lights up at the mere mention of it, her eyes twinkling. About halfway through the flight you grew bored of listening to Yifan's business calls and sought out a new companion. It didn't take long before she had opened up to you about her lifelong dream of becoming a pilot. When you're passionate about something, it's hard not to express your love for it.

   "Everyone knows that basic crap." It's the actual pilot that speaks, having left his cabin to grab a travel-sized bottle of vodka. "But don't you worry, little lady. Us small folks will manage while you two live it up."

   There's animosity in his tone that you equal in your own slapback. "I'm surprised you still have your license, alky."

   He is disgusting, both perverse and repulsive. This sentiment is shared between both you and the stewardess. When you take a step away from the man, she follows. He grins, licking his lips while looking you up and down. His eyes linger on your curves and you once more are filled with the desire to lash out.

   But you don't.

   "Babe, come on," Yifan calls, his steps rattling against the metal stairs as he starts to come back up.

   "Well"—you clear your throat before smiling at the attendant and mirroring her own exaggerated expression of enthusiasm—"that's boring. I would simply not stay if I were you."

   "Duly noted." The pilot hiccups. He already reeks of alcohol and his cheeks are tinted pink. Reaching for another bottle, he downs the first and drops it onto the ground.

   "Not you. If anyone has to stay on the plane, shouldn't it be y-"

   "What are you doing? Do you need something?" Yifan asks from behind you. He wraps his arm around your waist. Tilting your chin up, his eyes scour your face, searching for any sign of unease. Between the island's eerie silence and the pilot's obvious alcoholism, you're filled with worry but you hide it well. It's meant to be a vacation and you don't want to dwell on those not worthy of your time.

   "Yifan, tell her she doesn't have to stay on the plane."

   "I don't care what she does. All I care about is you. So do you want to stay here until I find someone to grab the luggage?"

   "Has no one arrived to greet us yet?"

   You aren't one to get scared easily but something feels wrong about this whole thing. While you yourself didn't understand how someone in construction could afford such a lavish lifestyle, it didn't change the fact that Yifan had cash to blow. If you were running the resort, you'd prioritise high-spenders. Money talks, after all.

   He hums, releasing his hold on you in order to lean out of the jet. "Not yet. We did arrive ahead of schedule though."

   "I guess…"

   Doubt gnaws at you. It may not be an official airport but surely they would know when a plane arrives. If not by sensors, by sheer visual - a jet is hard to miss.

   "I'll be right back, okay?"

   "No!" The concern embedded in his words is overshadowed by your adamant exclamation. "I'll go with you."

   He opens his mouth to argue but closes it just as fast and you know he just doesn't want an additional issue to deal with before the current one is handled. "Alright, let's go."

   There's a crunch underfoot as you disembark. Granules of sand and dirt grind under your shoes. You're glad you chose one of your more casual outfits. When Yifan had told you about this little weekend getaway, you hadn't realised the magnitude of it. Dressed in a hoodie and sweats, you had assumed a long flight in coach awaited you. That assumption bumped up to a long flight in first class when Yifan picked you up in his Porsche while decked out in designer from head to toe.

   At least your few sets of designer clothes (mostly gifts from Yifan) are safe in your suitcase. A few more smudges on your tattered sneakers wouldn't hurt and you'd rather your heels be spared the harsh island breeze. Even now salt is accumulating on your face like a second layer of skin. You can taste it whenever you lick your lips. They're dry but not yet as dry as the wind ruffling through your hair.

   Trailing behind your steady boyfriend of eight months, you struggle to keep pace with his large, determined strides. After a few minutes, your obvious panting seems to catch his attention and he takes pity on you. He halts, back turned to the sun and casting a shadow you soon stand within. Without saying anything, he gestures toward a back entrance to what looks like the main building and nudges you forward.

   Once you're in charge of the pace, the trip is a lot easier. On occasion you point to some of the other buildings, admiring the sleek and modern design. In the distance is a set of "traditional" huts with their own pools and docks. When you point them out, he just nods and tells you that he rented one.

   "I thought you said we'd be in the main building?"

   "We will be. I didn't know which you'd prefer so I rented both. We can spend a day in each. The staff already confirmed they'd be willing to accomodate."

   You scoff. "Seems a bit redundant. Did you also buy the island for the weekend? This place is dead."

   "No, but it is kind of nice. Maybe next time."

   "Not even you can afford that. There's no way your business is going that well. When I googled it, no new projects came up. Unless you're doing secret, private projects but then you'd have to be doing so many to get any seri-"

   "Look." He cuts you off, yanking you backward into his chest. With a huff, you look at your feet and the surrounding area but see nothing. You look ahead, puzzled, only to find more nothing. His arm tightens around your stomach as he inches you backward, putting his body ahead of yours. "The door is open."

   While this back door is technically an entrance, it remains locked and secured at all times, requiring an escort and their key card hence why a team is meant to have met you upon landing. There's a doorbell and screen to summon assistance in cases like your own where a guest is locked out. The door is closed just like it should be and even from here you can see the angry red 'no access' warning on the door's fob system. Confusion furrows your brow.

   "The employee door, babe."

   Following his line of sight, you have to squint to see what he is talking about. Several feet down and almost hidden behind bushes is a second door. It isn't as high-tech or welcoming as the main back door but it is ajar.

   "Should we check it out?" You ask, starting to shift your direction.

   "Curiosity killed the cat," he chides, realigning your trajectory.

   You pout but allow him to lead. Once you reach the back door, he presses the button and you both wait. Shade envelopes you, providing a reprieve from the overactive sun. According to your phone it's nearing 6:30pm. Even so, summer is in full effect and you doubt night will fall for another two hours.

   Sweat dampens your forehead. Your hair sticks to your neck. Moisture is welling between your breasts. Trickling down the curve of your spine, you can feel the salty liquid. It's uncomfortable, disgusting. Your trip to the bar will have to be delayed - a long soak, whether in a tub or shower, is your new priority.

   Yifan had started to tap his foot after the first minute. By the third, he was pacing. At the exact five minute mark, he starts to push the button every other second. His knuckles rap against the door. When that fails, he yanks on the door and presses on the electronic screen. It indents wherever he touches but it doesn't utilise smart technology, remaining dark and useless.

   "I'm not fuc-" He stops, taking a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm not waiting until seven. They should realise we're here."

   Your lips twist with mischief as you rock back and forth on the balls of your feet, eyes shifting toward the employee door. "Well there is another way inside."

   The wind starts to pick up. Sand swirls within the sudden gust, cutting off the path back to the jet in a miniature tornado of dust. It wouldn't be hard to get through it but you didn't want to deal with the plethora of particles that would taint your hair and clothes and you know Yifan wouldn't either. With a resigned sigh, he nods.

   "I guess. Easier than going to the front."

   "They shouldn't have left it open if they didn't want people using it," you say, a sing-song lilt in your tone, excited at the prospect of breaking the rules.

   "They should've sent someone to greet us," he grumbles while waving the two guards over. They jog through the dust, desperate not to cough and choke on it. Your disgusted frown is replicated on Yifan's face. By the time they arrive, they're not faring well, sputtering while they ask what he needs.

   "I want one of you to grab our carry-ons and bring it up to our room. The other is to stay with the plane. Make sure it gets into that hangar."

   They salute him and your frown deepens. With an overenthusiastic 'yes, boss!', they take off back toward the jet. Without waiting for them to reach it, Yifan turns his back on them and starts to walk toward the open door. Intrigue bubbles within you. There is something mysterious about seeing a side not meant for the general public's eyes. Would it be just as majestic or was the grandeur just for show, a front to cover a dark underbelly?

   "Keep up babe, I don't want you getting lost in there."

   "Okay!" you say, skipping up behind him and grabbing the back of his suit jacket. Leaning out toward the side of his protective figure, you count each step until you reach the door.

   An ominous vibe rolls outward from the darkness within. Not a single light is on. In fact, there's so little light inside that you cannot make out the shape of the interior room. Is it a hall? A locker room? A break area? There aren't any sounds emanating from within that offer any clues.

   All there is is darkness.

   "Maybe we shouldn't go in there."

   "But you were so eager a second ago." He glances at you, a smirk playing on his lips. "Are you scared, princess?"

   "Shut up. We should just go to the front."

   "Don't worry. Daddy will protect you."

   You stare at him in disbelief before groaning at the self-appointed title. "I'll manage on my own, thanks."

   Pushing him aside and opening the creaking door just wide enough to shine light inside, you hold back a gag at the putrid stench that rushes out. It's pungent and rotten, like roadkill that has marinated in the sun for a few too many days.

   "Oh my God, what is that?"

   Sunlight touches the edge of a counter and its metallic, shiny sink. The darkness is much too thick. Like a blanket, it stops any further illumination beyond its veil. Squinting, you take a step inside, both intrigued and nauseated by the overwhelming odour.

   "Smells like something died in here," Yifan supplements and you nod, taking another step, nearing the impenetrable curtain of darkness. "Be careful."

   Using the hood of your sweater as leverage, he pulls you back into the small circle of light. Gulping, you look back at him. He quirks his brow but is otherwise stoic, cracking his neck before pulling out a face mask from his pocket. After handing it to you, he takes a tentative step beyond the light.

   "Wear that. It'll help with the smell. Could you turn your flashlight on?"

   It takes you a minute to realise he means the one on your phone. You fumble for it, your pockets somehow much deeper than you remember them being. It's cold to the touch, contrasting your clammy hands. Once you have it free of your sweats, you turn the light on and gasp. The room, now bright under the battery-sucking beam, displays a disturbing sight.

   "My God," you whisper, squirming under Yifan's arm until it rests atop your shoulders. "Did they close down or something?"

   Remnants of meals litter the sinks and stoves of the kitchen area you've walked into. Cutting boards filled with moldy vegetables and bloody, maggot-infested chunks of steak line the counter tops. Cutlery is strewn across the floor. Bottles of oil lay broken on the ground; their shards reflect your torch's light. Near them are dark puddles where the liquid has congregated.

   And inside those thick, gooey puddles are what you can only imagine was once considered meat.

   "Without cancelling our reservation first?"

   Snapping out of your reverie, you shake off the unease crawling across your skin in the form of bumps and raised hair. "Have you checked your voicemail lately? Or is that just an excuse you give when you don't want to grab milk on your way over?"

   He huffs, a tinge of amusement underlying the overall indifference of his demeanour. "They haven't called. Let's just find someone or maybe a flyer or notice. People don't just up and disappear mid-meal prep. There has to be an explanation."

   "Yeah, let's."

   It's a mistake to go in any further. This you know. Deep in the recesses of your racing mind, you know that something is wrong. You can't stop yourself from clinging to Yifan, handing him your phone so you can instead hold his jacket in both hands. Sinister silence echoes around you, devouring your footfalls and your shallow breathing until the only sound left is the unnatural lack thereof.

   Yifan doesn't act affected. His breathing is steady, comforting even. He moves at a snail's pace, giving you ample time to look around and explore the deep, pitch-black crevices in the corners of the room. When you stop, he shines the light toward the direction you're staring in. It slows the process down but it's soothing to know that nothing is lurking, waiting to pounce.

   By the time you reach the next door, your legs are shaking. While you don't consider yourself a coward, the unknown hosts an array of possibilities. Fear grips your heart and you have to fight back the urge to upheave the in-flight meal you had a few hours prior. The arm around your shoulder tightens, reassuring you before Yifan pulls the handle.

   Compared to the Hell you just passed through, the overabundance of light you are greeted with is a welcome sight. It floods the wide, open-mouthed hallway. To your left and quite far down is the reception area where you should have entered from. It's a large room that swings around and connects to the front entrance of the resort. To your right are a few more doors, an elevator, and a set of double-doors with a tacky sign that reads, 'Beach Entrance'. Next to the door closest to the powered down metal box is an emergency red plaque with the words 'Stair Access' in bold font and 'Basement Access' in a much smaller size.

   Pocketing your phone, Yifan tilts his head toward the main desk. "Shall we?"

   "Can't wait."

   You manage a single step before you stop dead in your tracks. There's some sort of thudding sound coming from one of the storage rooms. After a brief pause you look at Yifan but he just shakes his head, brushing it off. He takes off down the hall, dragging you with him, but your attention remains on the doors to the right. Every few seconds the sound repeats, as if someone is walking into a door or hitting their head against the wall.

   Then you see it.

   "Yifan!" You hiss, slipping away from him. "Look!"

   He groans, both impatient and growing tired. "What?"

   "There's something in that room."

   "Good. That means it isn't abandoned. Let's hit up the front desk and get our key cards."

   "No, there's something wrong with them. They aren't moving right… like they're… I don't know, on a loop or something."

   Humouring you (but not without first sighing, impatience chipping away at his manners), he watches the doors. His gaze lingers here and there, checking under a new threshold after a few repetitions of the grating sound. Synchronised with the noise is a shadow. It follows the same pattern. When the thud occurs, the shadow moves close to the door. Then it steps away.

   "See it?"

   "It's a resort. Can't blame 'em for drinking early."

   "That should be me," you mutter, your scotch craving returning in full force, increasing tenfold alongside your nerves.

   "Lush."

   "What?"

   He shrugs off the venom in your question. "Drunkard."

   "I barely even drin-"

   A metallic clang quiets you. It resonates, bouncing from wall to wall within the stairwell. When the sound settles in the bowels of the hotel, you walk forward. After several long seconds of waiting for the sound to continue like the one behind the door had, Yifan steps in front of you, shielding you behind his lanky frame.

   "I'll lead."

   You throw your hands up in mock resignation. Despite the small distance, it takes a lifetime to reach the stairwell. Paranoia claws at your gut. Every few feet you look behind you. Keeping your back to the endless hall and the atrium it houses is a tactical disadvantage. Given the absolute lack of life within the hotel's walls, you would hear someone approach… but you can't shake the feeling that it wouldn't be enough, that a single second's notice could be the difference between escape and certain death.

   Somewhere deep in the back of your mind you hope the stairwell is locked.

   You've never been very lucky though.

   Yifan's slender fingers wrap around the handle, pushing it open just enough to peer inside. Your own view is blocked. Seconds pass by while he just stares. There's a growl from high above. It rolls down the stairs in pursuit of the sudden influx of fresh air. The door creaks open further. You shiver.

   "What's happening?"

   "There's something a few floors up."

   "Do you think it's a staff member or guest?"

   "An animal."

   "Is it hurt?"

   He pauses before he answers, weighing his options. "No."

   "Liar."

   "Stay behind me. It sounds big."

   "How big?"

   He shrugs before ushering you into the pitch black stairwell. When he hears you patting yourself down, he returns your phone and you're quick to turn the torch on. First you flash it onto him, bathing him in artificial light. It's comforting. His visage, as smooth and suave as ever, offers a sort of normalcy in an otherwise odd situation. Then you check the lower floor.

   You see nothing.

   So you check the upper levels.

   An endless spire towers overhead.

   "How many floors does this place have?"

   "A lot."

   The trek upward starts strong but soon your pace slackens, forcing Yifan to follow suit. Once more an uncomfortable layer of sweat accumulates in the well of your back. After the fourth floor an odour starts to waft around you. You're self-conscious about it, going as far as sniffing your hoodie. By the sixth you're both scrunching your noses, revulsion twisting your features. A gag clutches at your throat and you dry heave.

   "Fuck, that's awful."

   "It's the same as the kitchen." He coughs, trying to eject the acrid scent from his mouth. "Wear the mask again."

   It's when you're fumbling through your pockets for the thin patch of fabric that you hear it: an ear-splitting scream. While you're no expert, the dainty, high pitch resembles that of a child. Shivers tear down your spine. Your mind is telling you to run, to protect, and yet you're frozen to the spot.

   Yifan is quicker to respond, climbing the remaining stairs between the sixth and seventh floors in a few leaps. Upon reaching the door, however, he doesn't enter. Instead he presses his ear to it and listens.

   With your heart beating a million miles an hour and damn near thudding out of your chest, you raise your flashlight off his cautious stature and toward the guttural moaning floating down to you from much higher in the spire.

   You're transfixed.

   Squinting against the straining dark for a single glimpse of what could make such a noise, your breath catches in your throat. It seems almost surreal, no, it's absurd really. Impossible. Your eyes must be playing tricks on you. That's all it was. That's all it could be. An illusion or a hallucination brought on by dehydration.

   And yet the way it hangs above you seems so real.

   And the way its eyes watch you seem so life-like.

   "Babe." You scream in shock at his unexpected shout. Whipping around to face Yifan, you place your hand on your chest all while panting. His eyes shine under the light's influence and he looks up into the darkness before cautiously asking if you're alright.

   "Yeah, I just-"

   Another scream, this time not your own but rather the child's.

   "Come on," Yifan commands, dismissing the panic in your voice as nothing more than childish, like one's fear of boogeyman.

   In your state of trepidation, you didn't realise the door was propped open. Yifan holds it ajar with his foot while beckoning you, urging you back to his side. Strangled sobs pour through the empty space, no longer hindered by the solid metal barrier.

   Within a few short steps you're peering through the gap. There's luggage sprawled across the floor and just beyond a mountain of suitcases is a child. All you can see is their leg; it's red. Scarlet blood paints their skin in a dark hue and stains the carpet around them.

   "Oh God," you murmur, falling into step behind Yifan as he runs toward the child.

   "Hey, are you okay?"

   He kicks a luggage cart out of his way. It rattles down the hall and with it gone, he stands over the child. You hear her soft sobs before you can get a good look at her as his long limbs pull her to her feet. Scooping the small girl into his arms, Yifan cradles her against his chest.

   Her pink outfit is tarnished with grime. When she pulls her head away from the comfort of his shoulder, her cheeks are stained by a layer of dirt. The tears that rush free from an endless faucet leave a visible trail in their wake.

   "What happened to you? Did someone hurt you?" Yifan asks, intent to pry a response out of the trembling girl.

   No matter how he phrases his questions, she doesn't budge. All she does is stare at you. No, beyond you. It's as if she's looking right through you. With her glassy, unwavering blue eyes, she watches the other end of the hall.

   In your rush to check on the girl, neither you nor Kris had checked the other side.

   Your neck creaks as you turn.

   The girl's breath staggers.

   Yifan checks her for injuries.

   Hungry growls waft toward you.

   Their lifeless eyes watch you.

   "-bitten?"

   His voice is like a tether.

   You don't dare to look away from what lurks down the hall.

   "They're dead."

   "What?"

   Yifan's attention pulls away from the girl, looking toward the small crowd forming a hundred feet away. Most are in summer wear ranging from bikinis and boardshorts to sarongs and flowery t-shirts. Much like the girl, their bodies are covered in varying contaminants with the most notable being blood. The darkest spots are accompanied by open wounds. Their skin is torn and serrated, often oozing thick clots. Where the flesh is loose and hanging by the thread is a glimmer of white.

   Right down to the bone, they've been-

   Bitten.

   Just like the weeping girl in Yifan's arms.

   Except she isn't crying anymore.

   She's dead silent.

[Part Two]

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