#thowbacks

[favoritenintendocharacterbracket]

Favorite Nintendo Character 2: Round 3

[cathuniverse]

Me:

[awkwardjewishtheatrenerd]

For today's Throwback Thursday, we recognize the short-lived musical, Lempicka.

Lempicka March 2024 (Matinee) Broadway Preview - $9

Cast: Eden Espinosa (Tamara de Lempicka), Amber Iman (Rafaela), Andrew Samonsky (Tadeusz Lempicki), George Abud (Marinetti), Natalie Joy Johnson (Suzy Solidor), Zoe Glick (Kizette), Nathaniel Stampley (Baron), Beth Leavel (Baroness), Alex Aquilino (Ensemble), Lauren Blackman (Ensemble), Stephen Brower (Ensemble), Kyle Brown (Ensemble), Holli’ Conway (Ensemble), Abby Matsusaka (Ensemble), Jimin Moon (Ensemble), Khori Michelle Petinaud (Ensemble), Ximone Rose (Ensemble), Nicholas Ward (Ensemble)

Notes: MP4 format. Filmed from center rear mezzanine. Mix of wide shots and zooms. Overall relatively steady shot, some obstruction often due to the heads in front of me at times. And yet able to get very good feel for this (hopefully not frozen yet) show. Wideshots are washed out, and George Abud is the main offender with Eden Espinosa close behind. A few dropouts, the longest being about a minute and a half when changing the camera battery in Act 1. NFS forever except through master and NFT through April 24, 2029.

Screenshots: https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjBm4rz

[fromkenari]

I can't believe my only options for watching Point Pleasant are my DVDs and the shoddy rip of the episodes on Daily Motion.

[thelaughingmerman]

My new mattress is all set up and my bed made and ready to be slept in. But that has to wait. I don't know how comfy it will be and if it will make it easier for me to sleep for a time but anythings gotta be better than the sad squished foam I was sleeping on. As referenced by the fact I've slept better in this gaming chair than my bed the past week lmao

[culturalappreciator]

Throwback Hip Hop Video of the Week

Public Enemy- Can't Truss It (1991)

[xtrablak674]

Matt, Me and Ronnie

The image by itself tells a story all on its on, but I felt since I wasn't going to do a full entry that I should say a little something. First of all I believe this photo was taken David Melito, who had the curious name of Spike in college, due to the fact that he was a media/film major. I had participated in a few of his film projects during this time.

Now Matt or Matthew and I parted friendship I think sometimes around the early aughts, due to some fallout from Adam but primarily because it was overdue in its own right. As shown here Matt was a bit more into me than I was him, and it manifested itself as him being a bit of a fan. Yes a fan, more appropriately fanatic.

During this time period I had a database of my sexual partners in FileMaker Pro, I sometimes included photos and totally had fuller descriptions of each partner and the activity we participated in. Matt knew my partners better than me, and I think he even recalled their number on the list, he may have had an eidetic memory, it was flattering but also a bit creepy. The final straw came after my fire in ninety-eight and I stayed with him in his parents home a couple of blocks away till my apartment was suitable to move back into.

Smothering would be an understatement, it seemed like his dream of having me to himself full-time was realized and it became untenable for me. I moved to the YMCA that used to be on twenty-third street to finish out the time of the renovation of my apartment. Our friendship waned and soon ended there after.

I don't want to absolve myself of any culpability here, as I have said when I talk about this time period I had a tendency towards very codependent relationships with friends that always traipsed into unhealthy emotional boundaries. But Matt seemed near obsessive about me and albeit I enjoyed the attention it never quite seemed right. I was the ish, but I wasn't all of that.

Now, damn it, this wasn't supposed to be a missive about Matt and me, Ronnie is also in the photo on the right. Now I had a thing for Ronnie following my trend of liking unclockable guys, not something I would overtly acknowledge until years later. But Ronnie wasn't giving me the time of day. Like David who took the photo. I never had even a taste of impropriety with either of them, and trust I tried repeatedly.

Of course this only made me desire Ronnie more. In college I was the flavor of the week every week and I partook of all the bounties of this position in an unshackled fervor. I always have a special eye for the ones who got away.

I am not sure where we are on campus here. It looks like a party. I am trying to recall where on campus had unfinished brick walls. Maybe the garden apartments at the South of campus? It all looks so casual I can't see this happening in any official campus location. I also don't have any shoes on, which means I was comfortable enough to go around in my socked feet. It would be years before I felt comfortable enough to walk around totally bare-footed.

I sent David an email asking if he had a newer scan of this photo, maybe he will have more background and context. But these are the few things that I remember. Otherwise I look great, I don't think I still own one stitch of clothing I had in this shot, but I did have a bit clothing loss in ninety-two and again in ninety-eight. But I can confidently say I don't even have that Swatch anymore, albeit it might be in a box somewhere in this house waiting to be found again.

College was an interesting time for me, I wasn't quite prepared for the experience especially the class difference between my peers and me, and I totally wasn't expecting to end up homeless and having to leave after three semesters. Albeit I did make connections that followed me for decades as you're supposed to do, I just think I would have done even better if I was prepared for what college was really about, and since no one in my household had been they couldn't manage my expectation around how to navigate this very interesting time in young adulthood.

[Photo by David Melito]

[jerzwriter]

Reblogging for @choicesficwriterscreations Valentine's Day Event Throwback Fic

Abundance

Book:                   Open Heart (Book 2)

Pairing:                Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Kaycee)

Rating:                 Teen

Category:            Fluff

Summary:   It's Valentine's Day at Edenbrook, and things are a little different for Kaycee this year. It's their first Valentine's Day together, but they still have to keep things secret... and Ethan isn't helping.

Words: 1475

A/N: In my world, Ethan & Kaycee are official after the chemical attack, but they keep their relationship hidden from most for a bit longer. This plays off the events that took place on Kaycee's first Valentine's Day at Edenbrook, Acts of Kindness, but you can read this as a standalone. I'm participating in @choicesficwriterscreations Valentine Event; @choices-february2023 Day 18, Romance. @choicesmonthlychallenge "To Be" ILY and @choicesholidays Prompt number 2, You broke through every wall I had. How can I resist you now? Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!

It was obviously not an ordinary morning. People seemed more pleasant than usual, and all but a few donned at least some pink or red attire. When the elevator doors opened, the scent of carnations and roses permeated the air, and it was impossible not to recognize what day it was. Last year, Kaycee had marveled at how electric the atmosphere felt and was delighted to see it wasn’t a fluke. Because Kaycee MacClennan loved Valentine’s Day, and apparently, Edenbrook did too.

Feeling like she found her holiday tribe made her giddy with delight, but it served a practical purpose too. While she had to put on a brave face last year when her heart longed for one particular, grumpy doctor. This year, that same grumpy doctor was hers, she was his, and they were as in love as two people could be. Nothing could make the day better… except it would be nice if others could know. To most, she was your standard overworked resident who had no time for a love life with anyone, much less her boss. And therein lay the rub. For now, precious few knew how happy they were, of their love, or how this spunky lady melted the hard of the seriously confirmed grinch. So they still had to live in the shadows, for now….

Edenbrook’s love for Valentine’s day provided the perfect mask. She didn’t need to make an excuse for her extra-bright smile or the radiant glow on her face. No one needed to know that it came from waking in her lover's arms or that she couldn’t keep her mind off their plans for that evening. Only she was aware that her heart was beating out of her chest when she reflected on how far they had come in just one year. To the average observer, it was just a special day, and Kaycee was embracing it.

“Coming through!” a voice blurted, and a blur barreled past her.

Bryce and Raf made haste as they carried bushels of roses to the nurses’ station. When Kaycee arrived moments after, Bryce handed her a single stem. Silently, she lifted it to her nose and inhaled the sweet fragrance, her smile growing wider.

“Is this for me?” she teased.

“You better believe it! What kind of man would I be if I didn’t buy a rose for the only person who can give me a run for my money playing Foosball!”

“I think that’s part of Valentine’s lore, so… you’re right,” she laughed. “Thank you, Bryce. But how many others did you buy? I don’t recall the nurses having to replenish their rose supply so early last year.”

“That I had nothing to do with!” Bryce insisted.

“No, he didn’t,” Maureen interjected. “Someone left an envelope on our desk. It contained two hundred dollar bills and instructions. They said they were buying every single rose, and we should place them in all the recipient's cubby. Of course, there was no way to fit that many roses wouldn’t fit there, so….”

“Oh, my God!” Kaycee covered her mouth with a gasp as she saw her cubby overflowing with pink and red roses from across the room.

“Well, I guess we know who the recipient is!” Raf grinned. 

“Since you don’t have your own office, we sent the rest to the Diagnostic Team’s space,” Maureen smiled. “Someone really likes you!”

“Uh… and… do you know who that someone is?” Kaycee asked, trying to hide her fear.

“The purchase was made anonymously.”

“Damn it!” Bryce complained. “Now, we’ll never know!”

“Not for certain,” Maureen winked. “But the nurses already have a pool going, and I have a hunch I’m right!”

Kaycee could feel sweat beading on her brow. If Maureen began naming names, she was confident everyone would see right through her if Ethan’s name was spoken; and she knew Ethan would be spoken.

“Oh, uh, I should get these roses out of here,” she said, gathering bunches in her arms. “They need water, and my mail cubby isn’t the proper place for them.”

“Come on, Kaycee,” Raf teased. “Can we at least get a hint about who it is?”

“You would if I knew,” she fibbed. “Because I have no clue who they’re from.”

“Mmm-hmmm,” Bryce hummed after her. “I’ll speak to you at Donahue’s after a drink or three….”

~~~~~ 

Kaycee barreled into the DT team's office, slamming the door behind her. Ethan, who had been quietly reading at his desk, jumped at the sudden disturbance.

“What the hell… are you trying to send me into cardiac arrest?”

She was about to be witty, answering with a pun about the holiday at hand, but when her mouth opened, words failed to escape. Ethan watched her with a satisfied grin; after all, he got the very response he craved. Leaving her breathless, in the best possible ways, had become his favorite pass time.

“Cat got your tongue?” he teased.

“Ethan,” she whispered, taking in what seemed to be hundreds of roses filling the room. “What did you do?”

“You don’t like them?”

“I love them! They’re beautiful, but….”  

Sliding his chair out, he circled his desk and approached her, eager to take her in his arms. But as he neared her, she plucked a single stem from the bunch and struck him on the forehead with it.  

“Hey!” he protested. “Is this some strange way to thank me?”

“No!” she frowned, but that quickly turned into a playful smirk. “I’ll show you my gratitude tonight. But Dr. Ramsey, if we’re to keep our relationship a secret, this,” she motioned all around her, “is not the way to do it!”

“So you don’t like them?” He mockingly pouted as Kaycee fell into his arms.

“Oh, Ethan! I don’t like them, I love them! But what possessed you to buy all of them for me?”

He shrugged as if it was the only option, nonchalantly adding, “The money goes to a good cause.”  Then he kissed her temple, once, then again… his warm breath fanned down the side of her face.

“Yes,” she said, trying to keep her senses. “it does. But the nurses are now betting on who bought these for me!”

“Mmmh,” he said, lowering his lips to her neck. “That’s tragic.”

“It will be if they figure it out,” she insisted. “I love that you did this, but you didn’t have to go so overboard. I thought we said we’d limit our celebration to tonight.”

“We did,” he said, pulling back to meet her gaze. “But it seemed cruel to expect me to go the entire day without doting on my Valentine. Besides,” he teased. “Since you turned the single rose I bought you last year, I decided to go big. There was no way you could turn down this many, could you?”

Kaycee dropped the roses in her arms onto a nearby table, then pushed Ethan onto the sofa against the back. He smiled impishly as she straddled his lap, peppering his face with as many kisses as there were roses in the room.

“I will never turn you down again, Ethan. And not just because you spoil me needlessly. It’s simply because I love you. Today… and every day. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, beautiful,” he smiled, then peered at his watch. “But, if you’re never turning me down, we could put this couch to better use before the team meeting begins.”

“The meeting begins in fifteen minutes,” she laughed.

“Have you ever heard of the concept of a quickie?”

“Oh, I’m familiar with the act,” she blushed. “But I’m not too eager to have Baz and June walk in on us in that, uhm, position.”

“Baz would keep our secret,” he winked.

“And June certainly wouldn’t!”

Ethan tossed his head back with a sigh of frustration. “I hate it when you’re right, Dr. Mac Clennan.”

“That’s a shame,” she beamed. “Because it happens so often.”

“Of course, you could meet me in my office during your lunch hour….”

“Why? Would you like an appetizer before tonight’s main course?” she purred.

“Sometimes the appetizer is the best part of the meal,” he grinned.

“I don’t disagree.” She gave him one last lingering kiss before jumping to her feet. “Can I let you in on a little secret?”

“Anything.”

“I like this Valentine’s Day so much better than the last.”

Ethan smiled softly and reached out to cup her cheek.

“Me too, Rookie, Me too. But, how are you going to explain all these roses to Baz and June,” he grinned sheepishly.

“I’m going to tell them one of my patients has a mad crush on me. And as much as I’d love to share their identity, patient confidentiality prohibits me from doing so.”

“Damn,” Ethan replied. “You’re good.”

“You better believe I am. And we’re not even near my specialty yet!”

“Which is?” he chuckled.

“The main course, my dear.  You know it’s the main course.”

Permatags: @a-crepusculo @animesuck3r @annoyingmillenialnewbie @crazy-loca-blog @differenttyphoonwerewolf @doriopenheart @fayeswiftie @genevievemd @gryffindordaughterofathena @inlocusmads @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @kingliam2019 @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @onikalover @openheartforeverinmyheart @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @secretaryunpaid @socalwriterbee @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction @jerzwriter-reblogs-asks @openheartfanfics

Tagging additional tags separately.

[loganrebecacavs]

[sweetoro]

TVB 神話劇 | 西遊記 (貳) 11/42 | 黎耀祥(八戒)被法寶葫蘆吸走 | 陳浩民 | 江華 | 粵語中字 | 1998 | Jour...

[xxmashaalibekxx]

Tigerclaw's Flawed Design

[rappermc]

🎤 ThrowBack 🎥🎶 Filmagens do ano de 2019 fazendo umas rimas da minha Música "Progresso em Regresso" no Instrumental produzido pelo "Araab Muzik".

🤳🏽 Segue no Instagram : orappermc

[christykia]

Let's go Korra!

It's been a while since I've uploaded anything of mine here. Since I've got nothing new here's a Thowback to one of my Korrasami fanarts from 2018

[childlikegoblinqueen]

Micro Writing Notes: Call backs to canon: these are fun!

ASIAS: Darius to Hunter : “You're very good at doing exactly what you're told.”

SCOM: Darius to Hunter: “CAN YOU NOT JUST DO ONE THING I TELL YOU!”

Maybe Hunter's new stubbornness is a little more like someone else Darius once knew? Maybe he's just a full Noceda.

More below.

"So, right now, you can be useful by staying safe in the castle." -- A thowback to Eclipse Lake when Belos shuts Hunter out and refuses to send him on the mission which he'd switched him out for Kikimora.

The fear of being like Belos at all is messing with Hunter big time here. He keeps hearing things he's saying and his mind is twisting it into his own memories.

“It’s okay not to be fully healed.” Willow had told him during an early therapy session. -- Quick nod to TOH Revived which is a well done continuation of TOH after time skip made by fans. Episode one link below.

“Fear? Is she afraid of me”  He blinked and looked again. “No. She’d never be afraid of me. She’s hurt. I’ve hurt her.” -- A nod to Hunter telling Gus that Willow would never be scared of him during Labyrinth Runners.

“You know, you are strangely endearing.” King answered back.  -- A nod to Separate Tides when Hunter kidnaps King and calls him strangely endearing.

[calafiorimedia]

Thowback Thursday

[pbaintthetb]

Thowback THursday

lol so this in my drafts is called MXY agency agenda 2k22 which says a lot. Anyway I like it and it's almost fully written but needs 2 bridging scenes and 1 (possibly long) end scene so I can't post it. BUT have this

Mo Xuanyu will get himself out. He has before. Even if it will never in the way he wants.

But on one point he is certain. He will never let himself be used by a sect leader with kind eyes again.

Mo Xuanyu’s digging the toe of his shoe into the floor of Carp Tower, waiting for his half brother when Nie Huaisang runs into him.

“Hello Sect Leader,” Mo Xuanyu greets, keeping his gaze down. He doesn’t want to see Nie Huaisang’s face, he doesn’t want Nie Huaisang to see his face.

Nie Huaisang’s been different recently, which isn’t that odd, Mo Xuanyu supposes. The man’s brother had only died about a year ago (and no, Mo Xuanyu doesn’t know the number of days), but the Nie Sect leader is wrong different. There’s something off in the way he’s changed that Mo Xuanyu can’t quite put his finger on, but it puts his back up all the same.

“How are you doing?” Nie Huaisang asks him, sounding friendly and polite.

“I’m alright,” Mo Xuanyu tells the ground with a small shrug. He’s been worse, that’s for sure. He just really needs to talk to his half-brother, not that he especially wants to, but Mo Xuanyu has been used to ‘want’ and ‘need’ being very distinct categories for a while now.

“Good, good,” Nie Huaisang comments cheerily, sounding more interested than he ever used to.

It’s weird, Mo Xuanyu doesn’t know when he went from wanting the Sect Leader’s attention to feeling unduly watched under it. Xuanyu supposes he’s changed too.

Time does that to people. (Lanling- A-Yao does that-).

They make small talk, until A-Yao’s door finally opens, he makes to go in, but Nie Huaisang gets there first, smoothly sliding between him, his half-brother, and the door.

“San-ge,�� the man cries, a hint of relief. “I-”

“Sorry, A-Sang,” his half-brother tells Nie Huaisang, “I believe A-Yu’s been waiting for me.”

Mo Xuanyu tries not to shrink back as both men stare at him, finally lifting his gaze off the floor, face throbbing to watch them both with wide eyes.

“I-” he starts, but he doesn’t know how to finish.

“Ah fine,” Nie Huaisang waves him off, dramatically sighing. He leaves before Mo Xuanyu enters, Mo Xuanyu tracks him leaving, before touching his eye and wincing a little.

A-Yao’s eyes are sharp on his face, on the rising bruise surrounding his eye. Xuanyu doesn’t say anything, his half-brother’s a smart man, he’s sure he can put the pieces together. He doesn’t need to explain that he’s not well liked here. His half-brother counts on it.

“I suppose Huaisang’s already checked you out,” A-Yao comments, the perfect picture of friendliness while neatly sidestepping any of the duties that come with it.

Xuanyu nods, not trusting his voice. It’s easier to agree with whatever the other person is expecting. Doubly so when the other person is Xuanyu’s half-brother.

Besides, there hadn’t been any kind of surprise or shock on Nie Huaisang’s face. He’s uncomfortably sure Nie Huaisang had been watching him in that corridor long before he’d swept in for a conversation.

///////////////////////

“I wonder why Xue Yang ran away.” 

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t look up at the sound of a Sect Leader’s voice. He doesn’t know why Nie Huaisang is outside Jin Guangshan’s old rooms, but he’s not going to ask because he doesn’t have a good reason to be here either.

(He’s here because A-Yao is never here, but that’s not the point.)

“What?” Mo Xuanyu asks nervously instead. He doesn’t understand. The Sect Leader nudges his shoulder gently with a fan and gestures at Xuanyu’s father’s rooms.

“He got invited to stay, and then he just took off.” A chuckle, “You have to wonder why.”

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t have to. People who really know what is going on in Lanling don’t have to. Xue Yang left because he knew which way the wind was blowing, but Mo Xuanyu doesn’t say that. Mo Xuanyu generally tries not to say much of anything.

“Yeah, I guess,” Xuanyu mutters, it feels like Nie Huaisang’s eyes are stabbing him, but when he glances back they’re curious and soft. Emboldened, he swallows to find more words.

“How are you doing, Sect Leader?” Xuanyu asks, the man’s been almost haunting Carp Tower since Jin Guangshan died. Nie Huaisang is not a man that Mo Xuanyu would ever ask to provide comfort. He’s too…

Well, anyway. Just because Mo Xuanyu would rather stick his hand in a trap than ask Nie Huaisang for comfort, it doesn’t mean he can’t be polite. If anything Xuanyu can’t not be polite. Politeness and manners, it’s all that keeps him an unassuming shadow and not-... Besides, it’s not like Mo Xuanyu needs comforting over Jin Guangshan’s death anyway; though that’s a thought best kept to himself.

“How’s it going with-” Mo Xuanyu shrugs, and he was trying to clarify, but the two of them sitting here, in Jin Guangshan’s old rooms, that clarifies enough.

Anyway, Xuanyu doesn’t know for certain that it was Jin Guangshan keeping Nie Huaisang away, but he can guess. What’s harder to figure is why his father had mattered to the Nie Sect Leader. Respect, fear, or a lack of anything at all?

He’s rewarded with a gentle tinkling laugh.

“Oh I’m sure you know how your brother is better than me, Young Master Mo. You’re family, I’m sure he confides all kinds of things in you.” Nie Huaisang smiles at him and Mo Xuanyu has to look away before he’s sick.

(Maybe it’s actually himself who’s haunting Carp Tower. Something about Nie Huaisang makes him wonder… Is this living?)

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore,” Mo Xuanyu lies, staring at the ornate pattern of a wall. He could draw it in his sleep. It’s burned into his eyelids when he closes them.

“Mmh,” Nie Huasiang makes a sound that really can’t be classified as anything more. Xuanyu’s shoulders are tingling, and it takes a moment for him to realise it’s because the Sect Leader has lightly touched him again with his fan.

“Well I best be off, Young Master Mo. Good to see your bruise has cleared up.”

Mo Xuanyu doesn’t move to touch his face and he doesn’t watch the Sect Leader go. He barely minds his manners enough to stand up in time.

(Mo Xuanyu has always, always been scared of Nie Huaisang and he’s never- then Xue Yang told him about… Well. But all that did was give him an excuse. Something about the Nie Sect leader has always made Mo Xuanyu want to scream and cry, but he’s never been able to place what.)

He stares at the floors- he can tell where he is anywhere in Lanling by the floors- and listens to the Sect Leader go.

Ignorance is bliss, but Mo Xuanyu doesn’t understand what’s going on. Ignorance is bliss yet Mo Xuanyu understands enough to be afraid that if this ignorance continues he’s going to wind up dead.

//////////////////////////////

His father has been dead for seven months when Mo Xuanyu asks to go home. Or rather-

“My mother is ill,” Xuanyu tells the space in the air above A-Yao’s shoulder. “I’d like to go back and look after her.” He forces himself to meet his brother’s eyes. The man in question is staring back at him as intense and piercing as ever, of course.

Not that A-Yao says anything, just turns around and walks a little distance away as if in thought. Xuanyu looks down at the floor and doesn’t think of the floors and floors beneath it.

“-reason you can’t bring her here.”

Xuanyu jerks his head up startled, blinking at A-Yao whose words sound like they’re being dragged out of him. His eyes aren’t quite focused on Mo Xuanyu’s own, drilling somewhere just above.

“I- uh- I-” Mo Xuanyu stutters, he watches his brother compose himself.

“Since our father’s dead,” his brother says smoothly, “You can bring your mother here. I’m sure we have better doctors.”

Mo Xuanyu’s sure they do too. The problem is that his mother isn’t actually ill. The problem is that Nie Huaisang lurks around like a spectre and Mo Xuanyu has no desire to be here when it all breaks. The problem is the floor below the floors of Lanling. The problem is that Mo Xuanyu is no saint and he’s tried to keep his hands clean but he doesn’t- can’t do this anymore.

The problem is that if he stays he’ll die one way or another.

The problem is that Mo Xuanyu has a lot of sins to make up for and that he’ll never repay his debts here.

The problem is that as A-Yao is looking at him and making this offer, Mo Xuanyu thinks his half-brother might actually care. And that sends shards of ice down his spine.

“It’s- I think it’s easier if I just go,” he stammers, trying to shrink himself down to become smaller. “I couldn’t- I wouldn’t want to- I shouldn’t imp- she’s my mother and I-”

Jin Guangyao’s eyes are going from uncomfortable to sharp.

“If I had your chance, I would do anything to get my mother the best help she could,” A-Yao says accusingly.

Mo Xuanyu swallows.

“You wouldn’t,” A-Yao says, almost amicably, “Be thinking of running away and not coming back. Would you?”

His breath catches in his throat, and he wonders if maybe this is when he’s going to die.

(and if he is, then well. He’s always wanted to go out with a bang.)

“I’m done with your-” schemes? Plans? Murders? Secret basements? Secrets? “Your-” no word is quite right to explain it. Explain how Mo Xuanyu isn’t going to do it, whatever it is ever again.

“I’m done,” Mo Xuanyu repeats simply. He’s blinking rapidly trying to push away tears that aren’t seeming to come.

The pause that follows could destroy civilisations, or perhaps a sect. (Because that’s already happened…. Hasn’t it? Mo Xuanyu knows all about that.)

“You’re… done?” A-Yao hisses. “After everything I’ve done for you? With Xue Yang? With Father? With the fact that you’re a damn cutsleeve?”

“I’m grateful-” he’s really not.

“You’re not, don’t lie to me A-Yu.”

Instinctually his eyes go back to stare at the floor- but that’s the whole point of this. He’s fed up of being a coward. Too much of a coward to tell his half-brother ‘no’. To say something is wrong, or to refuse.

So if he’s going to stop being a coward then he’s going to have to look his half-brother in the eye.

“No I’m not.” Mo Xuanyu shoots back with a fragile strength, “I know exactly what kind of man you are. I refuse to be grateful to you.”

He’s going to die here anyway, so who cares what he says. And if he doesn’t- well then he couldn’t live with himself if he hadn’t said it.

A-Yao’s lip curls and Mo Xuanyu doesn’t- doesn’t shrink back.

/////////////

Mo Xuanyu arrives back in Mo village with a bruise the size of the Sect Leader’s fist and a reputation so tarnished that his half-brother probably could have only done better if he’d dunked him in poison.

He wonders what the wider cultivation world makes, will make, is making, of his disreputable departure. But then again, he doesn’t really want to know.

Mo Xuanyu got out of Lanling and the games of Sect Leader’s with smiles that don’t match their eyes with his life. He should be glad.

But he can’t keep sitting on the things he knows. It isn’t right.

Besides, guilt’s been gnawing at Mo Xuanyu’s insides for almost two years. Besides, the Jin Sect Leader ought to pay. 

Besides, Mo Xuanyu wants A-Yao to pay.

////////////////////////

It turns out Mo Xuanyu’s mother actually was ill. No one had thought to tell him. No one had thought to send for a doctor for her. Dried up, used up, the only person who ever cared for her gone to a place so close and so far away. 

Mo Xuanyu squeezes her hand and she squeezes back. When her hand goes limp he goes outside to scream at the heavens.

He’s more of a pariah than he’s ever been in his life. And Mo Xuanyu hasn’t lived for very long.

That’s what happens when you throw yourself on a Sect Leader. That they were brothers was just the icing on the cake.

And you know what? Maybe Mo Xuanyu does deserve to suffer for the things he did with his half-brother.

Definitely. Maybe.

But Mo Xuanyu refuses to live his life in penitence for this.

His aunt and uncle- his family let him sleep in a bed until the funeral. And then they say he’s too much of a risk to poor little Ziyuan to be able to sleep in the same house as them.

(His mother’s house.)

Mo Xuanyu grins all teeth and white knuckles his possessions into the stables.

He’s had unfortunate sleeping quarters before. At least this time his bunk mate is a donkey and not a spree killer with ambitions of being a true serial killer.

A-Yao left him alive. Whether that was because his half-brother was just soft enough on him to not want him dead, or because too many Jin had already died and that got attention, or if because A-Yao was frankly just concerned Mo Xuanyu would come back to haunt him- Mo Xuanyu doesn’t know.

Doesn’t care.

The point is that he is alive, and he might be mad and not to be trusted but Mo Xuanyu knows a lot. He saw a lot, he got told a lot, he picked up a lot.

(Mo Xuanyu likes to think he’s good at picking apart a person. Stripping them down the bone and free of all the lies they build themselves up with.)

So, he might not be worth listening to, but the cultivation world is smart. The cultivators are smart- right? They have to know that the people not worth listening to often have lots of very interesting things to say.

//////////////////

Mo Xuanyu is wrong about his assumptions.

The Fucking Donkey is the literal worst to live with. It’s loud and snuffly, stinks, nearly stood on him once, and steals all of his fucking food.

(Except the congee, it doesn’t steal the congee.)

“Xue Yang was a better roommate,” he tells the Fucking Donkey, but maybe it can’t tell his heart isn’t really in it.

The other thing that Mo Xuanyu was wrong about was the cultivators.

And like-

Sure, Mo Xuanyu is writing in code. Or not code but-

Mo Xuanyu wouldn’t put it past his family to check his letters. Or people to show his letters around or-

He hints at what he knows, the kind of things he could talk about. Hell, he hints that he has things to talk about.

He said he had information about the damn Yiling Patriarch to Lan Wanji- and that was risky, but seemed what would be needed to get the man who had so clearly deeply, deeply cared- or perhaps been obsessed with- the Yiling Patriarch’s attention. 

(Nobody turns against their sect, against power without some kind of reason, and the Yiling Patriarch had died and Lan Wangji had gone back, so his reason was clear enough.)

He’d dropped his brother in it, he’d dropped Lan Wangji’s brother in it-

Nothing.

He knows his letters are at least half getting through because when Xuanyu had branched out to another member of the Lan he’d gotten a prompt letter back from Lan Qiren informing him to never contact him again.

Joys.

He’s even written to Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao’s biggest admirer. Not to mention Jiang Wanyin, minor Sects who he can remember the addresses of.

There’s just one big face he hasn’t contacted and he has no desire to.

No, Mo Xuanyu knows exactly what kind of man Nie Huaisang is, and he’s not one that Mo Xuanyu thinks will care.

Because-

Because Mo Xuanyu has a damn good suspicion that the Nie Sect leader has either known, or at least suspected, a lot of A-Yao’s crimes for a long time.

(Mo Xuanyu’s.)

Besides, he’s not entirely convinced that Nie Huaisang wouldn’t turn down help just to let Mo Xuanyu rot.

But, well.

Five years. A man gets tired of no responses.

Maybe it’s time he writes a letter.