#thoughtsofthemoment

[0ut0f-this-w0rld-blog]

Talking to Exes?

I honestly don’t get this BS trend of people wanting to talk to their exes, hang out with them and spend money on them too. So what is this shit? Like you don’t want to get back together with your ex but then you constantly hang out with them? Are you effed? 

[itsmariachriscel]

Wandering March

Here I am again fascinated at the only escape I could find in this world full of fast pacing events; with you whose everlasting beauty remains, for you who saw everything that came and  pass by the phase of this planet. I always wandered why at the ocean above, looking up was my escape, for years I wondered and kept proceeding taking unnecessary steps forward and backward- now I know why, because looking up I can see calmness and grace hoping that even as I am dragged deep into the dawn of glum there’s always that tiny dot of happiness and calmness I could come back too, even if i could no longer find it within deep into my system of all places that could be created and that has. Saddening but true, it no longer matters as long as You are up there to listen to my eyes, I will be fine. So for the nth time , even as I grow old I’ll always look up, look up until I can be calm as daylight. 

[lindalici0us]

Every moment is special, every moment is an adventure. Live in the moment. Savor the moment❤️ . . . #thoughtsofthemoment #instaquotes #quotesdaily #quotesaboutlife #quotestoliveby #quotestagram #mood (at INKO NITO) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoMvvZxn267/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1xyr5y24l06c3

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Book Review: The Boyfriend Book (No More Boyfriends) by Michael E. Reid

I just finished reading "The Boyfriend Book" by Just Mike. I have been following him for a while, but refused to read his books until I saw him in person to see where he was coming from. I thought his work would be another man telling a woman how to love, how to feel and how to be. I of course was not here for anymore of that. I also am tired of these poems by men who constantly talk about heartbreak... like are we ever happy? Do we ever grow and learn from it or are we just bitter, sad and lonely? Anywho, My review: 

I was the woman who believed that you needed to be a girlfriend first before being a wife. I hated seeing those “nothing matters until you’re married” posts because they mostly came from women who were married (as if they weren’t single before?) or from women who were belittling other women or being judgmental. I also felt this way because I thought of it as a step to being committed to someone, building with someone on a partnership level and then ultimately becoming married (the end goal). (SN: I myself have never been in a relationship minus my high school days that for me didn’t count.) 

After reading Just Mike’s book, I realized where he was coming from and respected his perspective.  To give you a brief synopsis, he states that women shouldn’t have boyfriends because they find themselves committed to and giving one man everything that they should be giving to a husband and not a boyfriend. Everything includes the physical, mental, emotional and sexual aspect of them from cooking and cleaning to pouring out their souls and emotions which may or may not include scars from their life experiences as completing sexual favors and desires. Basically, a boyfriend is getting all of the privileges that a wife gives a husband so what would give him the idea that he needs to do something more? It’s also something that cutting into the process of becoming a wife/husband. At times, a boyfriend is not living up the standard of what he should be or what a woman deserves. As a response, women find themselves settling and dealing with it instead of expecting more. He goes on to give the definition of boyfriend and into detail about how even if a man is a good man to you , you want to be sure that you are chosen because he wanted to make the decision and not because he felt obligated to do so. 

My Thoughts: I appreciated his version of why women shouldn’t have boyfriends. He goes into how back in the day women were courted and then married. It is now of course 2016 where people may or may not know how to court or know what courtship looks like (or even what it means). How can we expect people to be courted if we are not guided on how to do so? We are not seeing enough of the twenty to thirty year marriages. We are also not having these discussions with people who have healthy relationships. There are marriages that have lasted for the same amount of times that carry unhealthy behaviors. That is not something we want to mirror. We need truth and stability so we can begin to build our own relationships, learn and become better people and have children who will become even greater.  I also felt like “well, if you’re not in a relationship then you’re in a situationship”. 

That was a HUGE issue for me because I have been in enough of those to know that I am not interested in being in one anymore. I think we appreciate being girlfriends because it shows that a man is willing and wanting you to be his to the point where he gives you a title (even though the title of a girlfriend is not measurable to the title of a wife). When you’re in a situationship, you find yourself knowing that you have no say, your feelings are nothing at the end of the day because you are not with that person and they will feel FREE to tell you that once anything happens that’s too much for them. The excuses are acceptable because that’s the role you have chosen to play even if you don’t like it. 

Just Mike breaks this down by not only discussing worth, but helping women realize that a boyfriend is only there because they can say that you are theirs exclusively, but it does not bound you to them because you aren’t married so they are getting what they want and you are waiting for what you want (marriage). Most women are not wanting (or willing) to be girlfriends forever so why settle for it now? After reading that, I was like .. “shittt you right”. We don’t want to be in the talking stage forever so we grow to the situationship stage and then to the relationship stage to reach the marriage stage. Think about that. Really think about that. Why should we hop through so many hoops or go through many stages for something that might be just a maybe? Maybe he will marry me. Maybe he won’t. Maybe this will turn into something or maybe it wont. Who wants to be a maybe? Noboyyyyy (Keith Sweat voice). A man knows when he has found someone he can see himself being with. A man only changes because he wants to. He fights for the one he sees not just the most value in but the one that he never wants to be without. We cannot expect a man to make us his wife because we do everything that he should appreciate. Sometimes, we can do everything right and still not be that woman for him. He can be a great man to you and you a great woman to him, but we may still not that woman for him. So, we become that woman to prepare him for the woman he should be with. Well.. damn.  

Has he changed my mind? 

Yes. I do believe that people can get married to one another without being in a relationship. However, I do not believe relationships are purposeless. (SN: He doesn’t say that they are.) I think relationships serve their purpose just like everything else that occurs in the world. 

I did see Just Mike perform with others in Washington, DC recently. I thought the performances were amazing and the vibes were great. It felt good to be around men who appreciated women for exactly who they are holistically and not just like a piece of ass or someone who is there to do something for THEM. I was eager to read the book after (and my date bought it for me). 

Though I enjoyed the book, I would have liked to read about how to live that courtship life. I think many times we are given information, but not the tools to carry out the goal. Hopefully, his next book can talk about what that looks like. He did touch on it in regards to agreeing to be exclusive with one another. What you do outside of each other is what you do, but you are agreeing to be exclusive with one another. I personally needed more of that conversation. How are you exclusive and growing? How does one know that after making that type of agreement, marriage is the next step? 

My question to you is: Do you think you need to be in relationship first to get married? Explain if you choose. 

My other question is are you agreeing? No More Boyfriends? 

#NoMoreBoyfriends (A sista is trying to get married and love one man forevaaa)

Those are my thoughts of the moment. 

Check out my hashtag #ThoughtsOfTheMoment 

For more information on how to get the book and things: 

justmikethepoet.com 

@justmikethepoet_  

[imperfectpefection]

Revamping

Revamping #ThoughtsOfTheMoment We are moving! Where should we move to?

[blurbsandblots]

This class is like philosophy, my brain hurts

[jasminepang-blog]

Read that out loud. #thoughtsofthemoment (Taken with Instagram)

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Everyone’s Annoying ... or  Maybe It’s Me

Why does it always seem like everyone is annoying? You want to be with someone, but it doesn’t seem like anyone can hold your attention. The worst is when you finally think you found the one you want to be with, but you’re unsure if they want to be with you. When you finally find someone who just might be into you like you’re into them, they fall off and don’t produce. People make time for who they want to make time for. People do things with people because they WANT to. Nobody is forcing anyone to be with someone, to talk to someone or to sleep with someone. If they are, there are some serious issues going on that needs attention and guidance.

Why can’t we just find the one we are going to be with and BE WITH THEM. All of these obstacles are in the way. We are TIRED of starting over fresh with people, but we are tired of being alone and doing nothing. We are ready and wanting to be with someone who is the RIGHT one. Who truly wants to be with any old somebody? Nobody .. it doesn’t serve its purpose. It doesn’t hold any value. People want to feel liked, loved, and supported. They want to feel as if the person they are with is the one who they should be with... like they made the right decision. Nobody wants to feel as if relationships are forced.

Nobody wants to feel like they’re contacting YOU first all of the time. They are ALWAYS making the plans. Plans are ALWAYS getting cancelled. Sometimes, it REALLY is the simple things. It depends on the type of person you are with. If all a person wants is TIME and that CAN’T be given, then maybe you’re just not really into that person. Maybe you don’t like the person the way you thought you did. Maybe you’re afraid to like that person. Whatever it is... LET THAT PERSON KNOW.

Stop leading people on. Stop having people waiting. Let people make their own choices. You are a CHOICE. Pay attention.... because I didn’t say option. You are a CHOICE. Someone CHOOSES to entertain you. Don’t live a lie or even tell one making someone believe that you are someone that wants to partake in a road trip when you are really only enjoying the ride around the block.

People have goals, dreams, values, vision, and places they want to be in life. If they CHOOSE to have you participate in that, you should give them the RESPECT they deserve and truly participate or announce that you are not interested in doing so. If you are confused, then maybe you need to take the time to yourself to figure out your confusion.

We also have to learn how to take responsibility on the way things play out in our lives. We end up with people who do the same things the person before did because that is what we ATTRACT. Yes. We are attracted to a type. However, we should be SMART enough to know when the signs are there especially if we’ve been down this road before.

We are annoyed at everything and everyone because we are forcing ourselves to live in a never ending cycle that we don’t like. Get out of that cycle. Break those chains. The only one holding you back is YOU.

So you tried something new? Did you really TRY? Did you step out of your comfort zone and start dating someone you aren’t used to? Are you giving that person time to date you or get to know you? Have you tried getting to know them? I mean get to know them without judgment? We are so used to foolishness that we expect it.. which can be an automatic reaction and protective factor that’s both good and bad. However, we need to take the time to RELAX. Let things fall into place. Don’t play fool, but don’t assume someone new is the same as anyone else. Make sure they are taking the TIME for you just like you want the TIME from them or else...everyone will continue to be annoying. 

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Friend Like Me

Boom! Realization! When things went wrong, I never had a friend that was like me! We have friends that all serve different purposes in our lives. Each have qualities that might be similar, might be different, might be Our strengths and their areas in need of improvement or vice versa. I didn't need a friend to tell me things might get better or that they didn't like someone for me. I didn't need a friend to say he should treat me better or maybe we can work it out. I needed a friend to tell me more... To tell me the absolute truth...RAW. I needed someone to say "look fuck your feelings...this is what it is." I needed a friend like me. We get so caught up in emotions that we go through heartaches and heartbreaks. When we heal we are able to say everything we ignored was right in front our face. We knew better then and we know better now. We knew what choices we were making (goes back to my last blog... Take responsibility for your part in your own heartbreak.) We continued for whatever reason that may be, but we still participated in indulging in what caused more pain just for that drop of happiness that we had every so often. Why? Because that happiness, even if it didn't last long felt like everything we wanted it to be, everything we needed it to be and everything we yearned for it to be. However, that was temporary and who needs a temporary love when you know your heart was built for a forever kind of love? A love that is so strong and so true that it's only meant for the person we're ready to give our "all" to. (See future blog post) We need friends who aren't afraid to tell us the absolute truth at all times. That friend should know when to listen and soak it in, but remember to make a note to return back to that point. The problem is, we also need to accept that friend's words and not let how we feel block the message that we need to hear. We need to know who our genuine friends are so they're comfortable enough to deliver the message and you're comfortable enough to receive it. Not only do we need that "tell it like it is" friend, but Miss Tell It Like It Is needs to know when to stand down and take that message as well. She also needs to know when to deliver the message and how to be patient with those who can't always handle the truth. I needed a friend like me. I needed a friend to tell me that I changed...that my smile was mostly a frown... That I wasnt hanging out anymore... That I was stressing out and dressing down... That I was hurting and not healing.... That I was going back and forth in a game where I was an unwilling player. Someone to tell me that even though I treated him like a King, he treated someone else like a Queen, had his pawns and then had me; a rook(ie). I needed a friend to tell me that despite my feelings, I was trapped. I was digging myself a hole deeper and deeper and only saying I wanted to climb out... But the ladder was right there and I didn't lift a foot to leave and get some air.. Instead, I knocked it down and put it back it up only not to use it at all. Only to still be stuck in the same predicament and not doing anything about it. I needed a friend to tell me that the love I had for someone else was really a love that I needed for myself because I wasn't the person I was living as. I was looking in the mirror and seeing someone else. That was my first true love and I needed a friend to understand that, but to also show me what I didn't see was right in front of me. I needed that Raw and honest truth.. I needed someone to strip the excuses, lies, and everything else that blinded me from the naked truth that I sometimes purposely didn't want to see. I needed a friend like me. - & those are my thoughts of the moment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

What You Allow Will Continue

We need to start taking responsibilities for the roles we play in certain situations that occur in life.

Can we be real for a moment?

With ourselves AT LEAST?

Heartbreak: We get so caught up in being heartbroken that all we want to do is eat, sleep, curse them out, love them and hate them all at once. When do we really sit and take the time to analyze our situation? How long have the signs been there? How many times have the stories sounded like pure bullshit? How many times have the excuses built monuments of nothingness... Hello somebody?

For example, (I’m comfortable enough with my past to self disclose) I was talking to a man who was the best thing and the worst thing for me. I regret nothing. He was a great man; just not a great man for me. I allowed us to be in a situationship for an entire year before it really hit the fan and untold truths came out. He left me for his ex/current/whatever you want to call it girl. The point is .. he LEFT. He didn’t fight for me. He didn’t care. Was I hurt? Yes. Did I allow him to come back in my life? Yes. Did he hurt me again? DID HE; just when I thought I couldn’t be hurt like that again. He took it a notch up! Did I play a part? YES! We KNOW when something is up. We get so caught up in what we WANT to see that we PURPOSELY ignore what’s going on OR we don’t ignore, but we KEEP complaining about things NOT changing. So why wouldn’t he continue doing what I didn’t like? Because he kept getting away with it. There’s no reason why you have to let someone multiple times that you don’t feel valued. They should value you automatically and if they aren’t they should change their ways. If you keep allowing it, it will continue.

Financial Situations: We struggle. Struggles build strength and character. Struggling is not something that’s to looked down upon, but should be something you learn from. There are people living lives of struggle because people are unprofessional. “I don’t feel like going in so I’m just not going to go”. Did you call out? “I’m tired of this job. I’m ready to quit.” - never shows up “What happened to putting in a two week notice? Putting something in writing? Professionalism is key. Why didn’t you get that job you really wanted ... maybe because you just up and walked out of your last job... maybe because at your last job you never showed up in uniform or on time... Take responsibility for YOUR part! If you keep it up, you will continue to unhappy financially because your actions aren’t changing. You are allowing yourself to be in the way of you.

& lastly (for tonight anyway)

School: WHY aren’t people FINISHING school? This doesn’t apply to those with financial situations. We know how much school is. We get it. Things happen in life... health issues, family issues, financial issues etc. However, what is REALLY stopping you? Are you able to go to school now? Then, why aren’t you in school? Did you do what you needed to do to get your work done in that class? NO. Then maybe THAT’S why you didn’t pass. “My school schedule is messed up”. Did YOU take the time to see what classes were necessary for graduation? Did YOU check with your advisor? Was your advisor not helpful? Did YOU find one who might be better for your circumstances. Did YOU advocate for YOURSELF? Okay... so maybe you didn’t .. you have an extra semester. What are YOU doing to finish? What actions have you taken? You aren’t done because you aren’t doing what it is you need to do. You are allowing your circumstances to stay the same.

The point is, we need to start understanding and accepting that sometimes we play a larger role than we think in the downfalls and struggles we go through. Even if we play a small role, we need to take responsibility for the parts that we play. 

& Those are my

#ThoughtsOfTheMoment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Expectations

You cannot expect Black people to support Black people if you constantly bash people for not doing it. Educate people on why our people are important because it is obvious that society needs to be educated on us. Guide people towards better practices. People are going to be hesitant to do something if you are bashing them because we are built to rebel. Lead the movement towards positivity. Don’t forget, we are all working on something.

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Iron Sharpens Iron

 Starting to reevaluate life and the the people in it.

I have to start hanging out with people who are on the same page.

I have to start surrounding myself with people with like goals.

I have to start involving myself with goal oriented people who won’t let anything stop them.

Go-getters

Good company, good fruit

[blurbsandblots]

My prof goes into a strange trance when he lectures I think... he kind of sways while he talks and goes to another place.....

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Why is everyone so afraid of commitment?

Why is everyone afraid of commitment? What happened to every single person that caused people to be so afraid? Who hurt you? Why are you reflecting that pain on someone that can add happiness and joy to your house? Why does everyone "just want to have fun" for forever. When is it proper to take the next step beyond just fun? Can you not be committed and have fun? Can't wait forever and then wonder why you're not where you want to be... Why is everyone so afraid of commitment...#ThoughtsOfTheMoment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

What's for us, will be for us

Often times we see others living the lives that we have worked for forgetting that it's a reason for everything. We think why and how come because we feel as if a moment and situation that was for us isn't ours as it should be. We see others doing certain things that they may not have done for us and we fix this notion in our head that something is wrong with US. We try to change ourselves and put in more work without realizing that everything and everyone we think is FOR us is not so much AGAINST us, but not GOOD for us. We can spend our days wondering why and dwelling on the pain or we can eat it up as a loss or even a gain. Sometimes, it's a blessing that something or someone is no longer involved with us. ❤️ #ThoughtsOfTheMoment

[thoughtsandrantsofthemoment]

Family Restoration

What happened to families? Why are families not working together to FIX their issues? Why aren't families building instead of destroying? Support? Families should be supporting each other. You can't expect support you don't give even if the person continues to do it because one day they won't. You cannot treat family member like associates or strangers and expect a strong bond. Why do we wait until tragedies to come together? Did you all of a sudden remember they you were a family? Obviously. We shouldn't have our own children and then realize that bonds should be formed with family members that were already there. If that's what it takes then you should realize from then on that you need to be the change. There is no reason for family members not to praise one another for successes and be the backbones through rough times. Families need to become STRONG again. Families need to be TOGETHER. You should never walk by a family member and have nothing to say. Stop letting PAIN be the root of your misery. You can be hurt, but you cannot use that as an excuse for your actions and behavior anymore. START learning how to forgive and live! You don't have to be extremely close to family members, but you should remember that one thing you can't choose is your family. It's all you have and when you don't have it, think about your future and what your family might look like. - Thoughts of the moment