#thoughts for when i don't have a migraine...

[daxhalfawake]

FUCK.

So, I knew some of this bc my step-grandmother-in-law got COVID and insisted it was allergies and was dead from a stroke caused by a weird blood clot that they know is a type that happens in long COVID literally 6 months later. And I got COVID last year, despite doing everything I could not to, because my wife's boss came back to work too soon, without testing negative. I was 5 weeks pregnant. My wife's infection involved mostly wheezing and coughing and shortness of breath. I had a fever of 102°, a migraine, bad congestion and a gross cough. We both had the body aches real bad.

My COVID infection triggered essential hypertension (high blood pressure, I'm 30 [29 when I got COVID] and wasn't eating too poorly then, but I do eat better now). My blood pressure was consistently reading at stroke-risk levels and I had to go on blood pressure meds. I've had several other new or worsening health issues since the infection that my doctors have yet to pinpoint the cause of, but we haven't been focused on the cause because I was very sick and the cause wouldn't be environmental.

But on the neurological/brain damage - I got COVID, had 2 miscarriages, then fell into derealization for 8 months so I thought that was most of it but like there are things I never got with derealization before and that haven't gotten better since coming out of it.

I type a phrase I've been using correctly my entire life and then stare at it bc it looks wrong and I don't know why but I can't send it if it's wrong (spoiler: it has never actually been wrong). I've started using words that I haven't used since high school - problematic ones that I stopped even thinking about using bc they were problematic - and I have been horrified at myself despite most of these words having been used only in my own company. I literally have to remind myself that we don't use that word anymore if it pops into my head because my filters are also off now. My eyes unfocus and I cannot get them to refocus. And I use the wrong words sometimes, words that don't even make sense in reference to the one I need - but that one's getting better. I can't remember things like I used to. Like I have memory issues and have my whole life, don't get me wrong - I'm ADHD and I have cPTSD - but this is different. Because I also have a selective photographic memory and I used to be able to walk myself backwards to find things I put in weird places with ease and now I lose everything for way too long and it triggers autistic meltdowns. My brain fog from my various conditions is significantly worse - to the extent that even on my Adderall, my mind will go completely empty while I am in the middle of speaking a sentence and I will lose my entire train of thought and not be able to remember without prompting from an active listener to the conversation; sometimes not even then.

Literally TONIGHT, in the aftermath of an autistic meltdown I was trying to articulate to my wife why I need more mental processing time in the middle of a conversation, and I mentioned that sometimes I'm trying to keep up with the conversation and her words stop being English to my brain. Not being able to understand words is mentioned in this article from Harvard University, and I have been becoming INCREASINGLY AND INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATED with the fact that I "all of a sudden" started having these episodes where someone is talking to me and their words start out okay and then they flip and it sounds like a garbled mess of sounds, not even words.

I just want to remind people that it’s 2024 and we didn’t “go thru a pandemic” we are “going thru a pandemic” present tense. It is still happening. People are still get sick, still becoming disabled, and still dying. Covid hasn’t gone away and I beg people to not normalize getting sick with it.

[finchmarie]

yea idk. i generally liked datv, combat/exploring in particular was for me extremely fun. did a mage on underdog. The game ran flawlessly on launch day with a mid gaming rig, which is unfortunately not the fucking norm anymore. I personally think it was quite pretty, and did see stylization that tied it backwards to other games.

the game has many flaws in culture, characterization, writing, but i can recognize that, be critical of it, and still enjoy it. cause it's a just a fucking video game at the end of the day. I almost wish it wasn't a dragon age game cause it just brings so much fucking baggage along side it.

I will say, that not enough of you are prepared for what private equity/corporate money will continue to do to the quality of games from big studios. I am going to enjoy this bit of representation, even if flawed, for now because the american apocalypse is on the immediate horizon and I doubt we'll see a big studio in this country with an NB character at the forefront in the next decade.

[vaultlink]

The Bocchi the Rock Recap movies were so much fun. The way they reorganized things and how they cut stuff down without losing much, it was worth the watch.

Using the kessoku band songs that weren't apart of live performances as montage music to cut down the cute girls doing cute things to the important moments without completely losing them was perfect.

And how they used segments from the early episodes as flashbacks, love it.

I can't describe the feeling, getting to the end of the second movie, seeing the shot at the end of Bocchi getting ready to leave home with her new guitar and the movie going to a modified version of the post credits walk down the street where she suddenly stops to think and it starts rewinding EVERYTHING all the way back to the first scene in the entire anime that had been skipped completely in the first movie, of elementary Bocchi being lead away by a teacher.

Oh how far she's come.

[saekokato]

Oooh, book recs! 100% second the recs for any CJ Charles, Dessa Lux, and Rachel Reid's Heated Rivalry.

I would also recommend EL Massey's Breakaway trilogy, which is also hockey romance, though more YA/New Adult. The first two books are about a disabled, college freshman figure skater and the local NHL hockey captain. Super sweet and the second book has my favorite press conference scene in any book ever. The third book is a separate couple but so good.

(Also this is the series that dropped me into my current hyperfixation via the hockey romance to hockey rpf to hockey (the sport) train. I read nearly 150 novels between February 2023 and June 2024. I haven't read that many published books since I was in college back before Obama was elected.)

Then there is Ashlyn Kane's and Morgan James's Hockey Ever After series. Currently 4 novels and 2 novellas with a 5th book out in February 2025. I've reread the entire series multiple times since I fell into hockey romance back in February 2023 and they're always good. Different couples and tropes for each book (queer discovery & coming out, forced proximity, enemies to lovers, vet/rookie), but all part of the same universe with fun tie-ins and cameos.

For not hockey romance, Joy Demorra's ( @thebibliosphere here on Tumblr) Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites is a forever favorite! Gaslamp fantasy (somewhere between Regency and Victorian) romance with a disabled werewolf veteran, a vampire lord dandy, and an all-powerful [REDACTED] lady who find love and use their collective smarts to save the world. Or make a solid start of it. This book focuses on the werewolf and the vampire getting together, but the groundwork is laid for the three of them becoming a polyamorous relationship in later books. The writing is hilarious, creative, and HOT. :)

Or if you want something contemporary, Sam Starbuck's ( @copperbadge) Shivadh Romances. The first book is basically a Hallmark movie in novel form, if Hallmark movies were queer. Premise: a Guy Fieri-like celebrity chef is hired to cater the coronation feast for the out, gay Prince of a small European nation. It's hilarious and I love all of the characters so very, very much. There are six novels and a handful of short stories already released with more planned.

…Sorry if this is a bit weird but do you have any queer romance book recommendations? I ended up finishing the last binding trilogy because you posted about it (you have excellent taste lol) and I’m a bit stuck at the moment with what to read next.

Not weird at all! I absolutely have recs! Also Freya Marske has a brand new book out called Swordcrossed if you want more of her writing. (For people who are not anon: The Last Binding is an Edwardian historical fantasy romance trilogy and it's excellent.)

Okay recs:

KJ Charles: My favorite queer romance author, hands down, and also the most prolific! She's written over 30 queer historical romance novels (and one queer historical mystery), mostly M/M, all historical and set in the UK during various time periods ranging from the 1810s to the 1920s. My two favorite things about her work: 1. It draws very heavily on the history, meaning that her characters never come across like modern people in historical cosplay. And 2. she's great at creating genuine conflict between or around characters. I have read too many romances where everything is uwu softness and nothing hurts but Charles's characters are always either fundamentally divided by politics, class, ethical perspectives, lies, and/or tragic backstories, OR they get along fine but a murderer is trying to kill them, OR, in the best of her books, both.

My favorites are probably The Will Darling Adventures (1920s trilogy all about the same couple fighting a criminal secret society), A Seditious Affair (1810s, a radical firebrand and a Tory government official accidentally fall in love while having extremely kinky sex), An Unnatural Vice (1870s, "spiritualist" con artist and the crusading journalist trying to expose him), and Any Old Diamonds (1890s, The Saddest Boy in the World hires a sexy jewel thief to rob his horrible father, kink ensues), but you can really start anywhere - Think of England is where I jumped on and it's nice because it's more of a standalone (there is a companion book but Think of England comes first). If you liked The Last Binding, you might want to start with her Magpie Lord series because they are also fantasy romance. (Freya Marske is a big KJ Charles fan and it shows, in a good way.)

Allie Therin: Sticking with the fantasy romance angle here for a moment, Therin has a 1920s trilogy called Magic in Manhattan that is all about the same couple, a prickly magic-user named Rory and the big hunky WWI vet who loves him, as they fight various evil magicians. (HUGE oversimplification but you get it.) There's a spinoff trilogy, the Roaring Twenties Magic series, which has two books out so far. I love NYC, the 1920s, fantasy, and queer romance, so obviously I love all of this.

But I'm particularly obsessed with her Sugar and Vice series (also a trilogy, first book is out already and the second one comes out next month) which is set in modern day Seattle and is about an empath named Reece and the super dangerous empath hunter called the Dead Man who may or may not be here to kill Reece, and also there's a serial killer on the loose. This one is a suuuuuuper slow burn (they don't even kiss in the first book!), so you have to be patient but I read the second book early and yeah I'm obsessed and desperate to talk to other people about these books.

Charlie Adhara: More paranormal romance! I wrote about these books at greater length recently, but the short version is: FBI agent gets transferred to the super secret werewolf division of the FBI and partnered with a hot werewolf, they fall in love, spend five books developing into The Ultimate Power Couple, I'm in love with their love. There's a spinoff series called Monster Hunt but only one book is out so far.

TJ Klune: I probably don't have to tell anyone about TJ Klune anymore and I'll admit he can be hit or miss for me but I did really love Wolfsong. As long as we're talking werewolves.

Dessa Lux: Okay these are more erotica than romance but Omega Required is a comfort read for me, which is funny because I'm not usually an omegaverse gal. But this is about a very sweet alpha doctor who offers a marriage of convenience to a very traumatized omega and it's literally just nonstop cuddling and soup. She also has a series that's just ever-growing werewolf gangbangs, if that's a thing you're into. Like. A cartoonish amount of werewolves at the gangbang. It's delightful.

Cat Sebastian: I will admit Sebastian is also a little bit hit or miss for me. I loved her very first trilogy, the Turner series, which is very much in the vein of KJ Charles (Regency romance, class divides, lots of conflict). She wrote some more 19th century stuff after that and then moved into mid-20th century romance (50s-70s) which is honestly very rare. She also basically...stopped writing any conflict at all. I would say a large portion of her books after the Turner series can be accurately described as "two best friends who are secretly in love with each other sit in the same house/apartment and enjoy each other's company until they get together." I know a BUNCH of people who absolutely love that and they are well-written! But I really have to be in the right mood for them.

Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy: Okay I am not a hockey person, but you must, you MUST read Him and its sequel, Us. Hockey-playing BFFs, one is gay and secretly in love with the the other, the other one is like "I don't think I'm into dudes but I'd better give you 300 blowjobs to make sure." (Spoiler: he's into dudes.) Honestly the stupidest men imaginable. I love them so much. Bowen has written a few other queer romances solo and I'm working my way through her back catalog now.

Rachel Reid: Yes it's more hockey romance but. BUT. Heated Rivalry. Two of the top players in the NHL, on rival teams, have famously hated each other for years...and have secretly been fucking since they were rookies. Reid is another one where I'm still working my way through her books but Heated Rivalry is something special.

I am SURE there are more I'm forgetting but this is long so I'll stop it here for now! Also folks should feel free to reblog with further recs, she said selfishly.

[purpurussy]

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[brain-rot-central]

good news, everyone

the migraine i've had since 3 am finally seems to be going away (it's currently 1pm here) and i feel like a person again. i'm starting some soup for dinner and then will most likely resume writing!!

[asinglesock]

just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.

[innko]

japanese medical negligence will drive you to american without health insurance behaviors

[thethingything]

finally got somewhat decent pain relief but I think we're too fatigued to do much so now it's like... well I guess I can actually rest more comfortably at least

[lovelaceisntdead]

night time panic attacks are back 😐

[baejax-the-great]

So much of internet culture today boils down to, well if i can't make fun of that group, who can I make fun of (or harass or bully or mock)?

I don't think antis resulted only from purity culture--I think the human desire to spew vitriol and the ever-shrinking number of "morally acceptable" targets brings in recruits as much as anything. You can say whatever you want to a "pedophile" and it's morally justified.

It's one of the reasons leftists have clung so hard to mocking fat people. It's why people say, okay, you can't make fun of autistic people anymore, but I can make fun of people who aren't autistic but who have these traits that are associated with autism. Or why people obsess over others faking their illnesses so that they can trash them online. Or why there are seemingly more posts shitting on terfs than supporting trans people.

It's a natural mammalian urge to want to lash out at others, particularly others seen as having less social standing/power. I just wish people would think harder about why they want a "safe" category of people they can trash consequence- and guilt-free.

[thebraxiatelcollection]

I have literally lost my voice and been sick, and all my manager cares about whether or not I can still come in to do back office work for clinic as there is nobody else who can run my clinic.

[furshrimps]

Cancelled the appointment because Sammy seems to be back to normal by now? Or rather, changed it to next week so I don't have to pay needlessly for the taxi. I still want to have him looked at for small things that I noticed and he needs his nails clipped anyway.

Maybe it was only a stuck fart or something? These things can be quite cruel, after all 😅 And he didn't poop as often as he usually does yesterday, so...

[arctic-hands]

Re: the being immunocompromised and nearly dying of agony from shingles all over me at sixteen thing. I used to say that was the worst pain I've ever felt in my chronically ill life, worsened by the fact that weenie me refused morphine because I was fully indoctrinated by D.A.R.E. and terrified that I would become an addict as I lay in the hospital bed writhing in agony as I was damn-near actively dying. Even breaking my toes a few years later just warranted a mild "Fuck." in comparison.

Anyway I recently experienced three infected teeth (two wisdoms that apparently just grew in already rotted? and one cavity that got out of hand because I kept forgetting to call my dentist and couldn't afford it anyway) within a two year span and let me say that that knocked the nearly dying in agony thing right out of the park

[tj-crochets]

Hey y’all! I had a, uh, moderate-to-severe allergic reaction* yesterday. I ended up having to take a few benadryl and slept like twelve hours because the migraine was intense, and now I am mostly better but my brain is Not Making Decisions (well. I am still functioning enough for work but that’s different braining). What plushies should I sew next? Should I make the mammoth his baby tusks, or should I start sewing doll clothes for the 14.5″ doll (aka the AG WellieWishers line) that should be arriving in the mail today? Or should I make something else entirely? I guess I could try to design a new plushie pattern, but last time I tried to design something post-allergic-reaction I ended up with The Hamster Pattern Where I Forgot Hamsters Had Limbs Or Ears lol

*I have no idea what the scale is for people without weird mast cell issues but it wasn’t anaphylaxis? probably**? **sometimes when I tell doctors my allergic reactions affect blood pressure they are like “that only happens with anaphylaxis” but I am pretty sure that’s not necessarily true. That said, if you don’t have a history of Weird Allergies maybe go to a doctor if your allergic reactions start affecting your cardiovascular system. I am both not a doctor and an outlier who should not have been counted lol

[v-arbellanaris]

ohhhh so it turns out if youre using ellise's unique face textures in da2, there's a BUG that automatically sets the og hawkes as YOUR hawke family irrespective of any of the edits or whatever you're choosing. which is. ok. and there's a fix apparently here so. let's fuck around and find out i guess.